#my boy i have had. too many near death experiences to care what other people think about the shit i enjoy at this point

[rt-arts]

i have so much shit i forgot to upload here. ruegh

[elf-osamu]

“YOUR LAST MEMORY OF ME”

[ masterlist ] [ reblogs are very appreciated ]

angst, hurt/comfort, hurt/no comfort, romantic relationship, jing yuan x gn!reader

warning(s) : major character death, the concept of death is discussed, implied reference for the high cloud quintet lore !!!!, blood, injuries, depictions of violence !!!!

word count : 2517 words

“i think i got too many memories getting in the way of me; you only get what you grieve; the only thing that’s ever stopping me is me; i testify if i die in my sleep, then know that my life was a killer dream; and all my childhood heroes have fallen off or died” — song: stay frosty royal milk tea by fall out boy

a/n: i’ve almost cried while writing this. as a jing yuan lover, i’m terribly sorry (it will happen again).

to be part of a long life species isn’t as easy as mortals make it to be. since their lives are nothing but a fleeting moment which will be soon forgotten, they tend to hope for a longer time to accomplish their goals, rushing every task to meet the temporary relief that it brings — a sweet feeling which one could indulge themself in, but only for a brief moment. as a consequence of this, they’re quite envious of those who don’t have to worry about such matters: those people can enjoy life to the fullest and simultaneously take things at a slow pace, savoring each second of their existence without being overwhelmed by their imminent end; new experiences are always near the corner of their days, quietly waiting for the perfect time to appear and give opportunities of every kind; the weight of death isn’t a matter to reflect upon, since it’s something far too distant to be frightened by it.

a smile was something that jing yuan hardly got to see on that face he had profoundly grown fond of — yours. one could have defined it as an almost imperceptible change, but the way your lips slightly curved in response of his affirmations hadn’t ever escaped his attentive eyes. his life had been consistent for many years, still as a lake in a flawlessly sunny day, with his usual duties and habits which never seemed to change despite the passage of time. however now he had gotten used to your presence and he could have never substituted it. those lips he loved to touch with his, those hands he relished with his when he was looking for reassurance, those eyes he would have treasured with his life if they had been gems — you. jing yuan would have never gotten tired of you.

this is what short life species harshly tell themselves and others — they can’t but concentrate on what they don’t possess, on what their hands will never reach, on what they will never be able to accomplish. nevertheless, said behavior is rather commonly found in the majority of human beings with no distinctions made; envy is a comprehensibile emotion, but when used inappropriately it can develop in resentment. the inherent desire of attaining what we’ve wished for isn’t possible at all times — but we continue on our path forward, often stumbling along the way when it gets too difficult to move on.

the general’s soul wasn’t unblemished as many thought: you had gotten the chance to meet that part of him he tried to hide under a seemingly exemplery mask of polite yet playful remarks. you had tended to his injuries, taking care of his body while he narrated the story of some of his scars; you had listened to his usually unspoken worries, when the role he had to play for the majority of his life momentarily ended and he finally showed you that he was just a human being like any other — someone who had done both outstanding and terrible things. “i… i apologize for not being the hero you’ve heard of”, he had muttered the rare times he had allowed himself to cry; it had been too long ago since the last time he had opened up to someone in such a vulnerable way.

long life species know this too well: between the scars of their past and the hopes for their future, it isn’t rare to find people who are lost in their journey, surrounded by painful memories and feelings of desperation. to forget what one’s forced to remember can make themself cling to the old days and refuse to give a glance to the other side.

you were aware of jing yuan’s foibles and past mistakes — how could you have not? — but those things had never stopped you from loving him. as you were there to accept him for who he was, you could proudly say he did the same for you; patience and consideration were only a few of his characteristics, but they were greatly helpful when you were going through difficult times. jing yuan wouldn’t have ever judged your fears and thoughts: he would have sat next to you, grounding your mind from the stress that life could give you, and reminded you of his unfeigned adoration towards your being. you both had found comfort and solace with each other.

the general of the cloud knights of the xianzhou luofu, jing yuan, had lived for too many centuries to be truly able to count them. he was acclaimed by many people and frowned upon by others — but nobody could have never doubt his dexterity and strength when it came to swordsmanship: his exceptional abilities had been of considerable effectiveness in battles and, simultaneously, his carefulness and diplomacy couldn’t be disregarded in the slightest, since they kept the law and order in his nation.

death passively follows its natural course when the right time is known — it’s a neutral state which can’t be converted by the human mind, something… irreversible; many have tried to change this fact and many have failed. each stage of life is meaningful, thus to accept what’s going to happen someday is the wisest and least painful choice, though it has to be recognized how it can still be a tough journey. his loved companions, his long-lasting enemies, everybody he knew… he had lost them, either because of demise or a change of paths.

during his life, jing yuan had collided with friends, foes and even with himself — bonds were broken, rancour was deepened, distress was reinforced: all the experiences and emotions he had been carrying in his heart for centuries seemed to be never-ending. he did his best to hide his damaged self through loads of work and too many hours of sleep; after all he was one of the arbiter-generals — if he couldn’t do his job, who could have?

he was a symbol of hope: he was someone to use as a role model and as a pillar for anyone who was in need of support and protection — failure had never been an option for those of such great importance.

he just had to resist a little longer… then everything else would have ended and peace would have prospered, as it always did.

clashes of swords and polearms reverberated through the battlefield, they were the only sounds which could be heard alongside the warriors’ screams. destruction and ruination harshly painted the surroundings, scarring the ground where nature once flourished, while combatants fell and took their last breath.

an invasion of that magnitude hadn’t been on the xianzhou luofu for quite some time and nobody had been prepared for it; unexpected encounters were the most dangerous and tiring ones.

you were a brave and capable soldier — your technique wasn’t flawless, but your determination made up for the few careless mistakes you committed while fighting; jing yuan was aware of that, but his chest still hurt whenever he knew you were battling against his enemies. as much as he believed you could successfully take care of your well-being in dire situations, he had to fight the urge to be near you when you risked your life; said feeling was reciprocated though, since the general had caught a glimpse of your figure finishing off an enemy who had tried to attack him behind his back while he was busy with three other opponents. you had flashed a smile at your lover before going into battle again.

it was a tough confront between distinct factions, but hope had come to the surface again once you had taken a glance at how many enemies were still standing: only a few were alive and their counterattacks were growing more haphazard by the second — they hadn’t expected to fall behind in battle. the rush of adrenaline you felt before accompanied your weapon through taking the life of your opponents without backing away.

jing yuan had just fought against a few people when he saw a group of his opposite faction go near you; they were too many to be dealt at the same time, too many even for someone as experienced as him — so he couldn’t let them lift a finger on your body, it was a risk too huge to be taken so carelessly.

he rapidly moved to get to your side — you were rather distant from him but, if he had screamed, you would have been distracted and you would have gotten severe injuries… or even worse. his mind was spiralling while the general was trying to calm himself down and choose the best option available to keep yourself safe but, when he saw a spear coming too near your figure, his body moved on its own: he rushed towards you and, without giving you the time to react, he took what once was your place.

time seemed to stop for a moment as he tasted the flavour of pain that came from the deep skin tear on his chest: gushes of blood brutally tinted his armor and all of a sudden his face lost the color it had just a moment before.

you couldn’t feel anything at first, your brain had registered only a part of what had occurred. then, however, you realized what you had witnessed when you watched jing yuan’s body fall on the ground.

everything had happened in a few seconds, but it felt like an unceasing event: something atrocious was taking place, something you just wished to ignore and forget… but you couldn’t allow yourself to do that.

therefore, a wave of rage hit you: you didn’t waste time to slaughter the ones who attacked the man you loved; when anyone tried to come near you, your blade was swift enough to promptly eliminate them and destroy anything that crossed its path, wounding whoever couldn’t understand the weight of the situation. it had been a while since you felt an emotion in such an intense and uncontrolled way, you looked feverish from how much strength you were using.

anger’s origin was different for everyone — yours was because of despondency.

you were moving too fast to process what was happening: the only clear thing your blurry vision could notice was the carmine blood that colored the soil and people’s armors, especially your own. you couldn’t feel the pain derived from your injuries, your clouded mind wasn’t able to process your physical state.

wrath was embracing you in its strong grip, the one thing that heartened you when you would have preferred to hide away in your own solitude.

as the only opponents left decided to retreat from the battle, you tossed your weapon to the side and fell on your knees; you were exhausted from your sudden outburst, your limbs were becoming numb and your head was spinning.

the familiar sound of your name, however, kept you grounded, making you look at the white-haired man who was laying down on the turf.

sweat and blood littered his scarred skin, a look you had gotten to know through the years you had spent with him. but this time was like no other.

you immediately sat by his side and forced yourself to act like you had everything under control, while trying to disregard the spear that had pierced his body: your hands slightly pressed near the major wound on his chest, clinging to the last hope of keeping more blood from coming out.

“my time… has come, then?” he murmured, his lips were moving slowly, too slowly, though his voice was calm as the usual; you would have said he wasn’t feeling much pain, if you didn’t know him that well.

a grin was plastered on his face and it only made you sadder to see him keep his mask even on that unpleasant occasion.

“don’t you dare say that, jing yuan. there’s still time, we can make someone look for a doctor, we… you can resist for a few minutes until then!”, you sounded — you were — desperate. “everything is going to work out in the end, isn’t it?”.

you were trying your best to pay no attention to your thoughts: there was no doubt that his injury was fatal, he already had lost too much blood to return back to his usual life and be saved. you would have switched places in a heartbeat if you were given the opportunity to do so, you would have given anything to keep him alive; jing yuan had understood it since the first day your love for him had been known.

his eyes were fixated on your face, as if they were trying to soothe your distressed mind. with the last remaining ounce of strength, he rested one of his hands on yours and deepened his smile.

he called out your name again. “do you know how much i care about you?”.

if the situation were different, you would have punched him; tears began to fall down on your cheeks; you would have liked to scream and say he wouldn’t have died in that way, but you managed to make your lips curve into a faux grin; if you had to smile, you would have done it for him.

“yes, love. i do know it all too well”, you whispered, your gaze was focused only on his face and the flutter of his eyelashes.

jing yuan slowly nodded and mumbled “good”: his heart could have ultimately rested now that he had your confirmation.

he looked at the gray sky, silently saying his goodbyes to the world around him. “if there’s anything beyond this life… i hope i’ll get the chance to… to meet my friends… and lost companions there…”. you felt his fingers caress yours in a reassuring manner, a habit of his the general of the luofu couldn’t abandon even in death. “perhaps we are going… to talk again”.

you inclined your head, there was nothing else you could do.

his deep voice, the white cascade of his long hair, those golden eyes that held many memories, the strategies he followed while playing chess, his comforting laugh, every characteristic of his — you would have never forgotten any of them.

“i feel… so light…” he muttered as he closed his eyes, inhaling air for the last time.

an uncontrollable sob broke out from your throat as you bended over and hugged his cold body close to your chest, your forehead was against his.

pain had been a part of jing yuan’s life since he was a child and it ushered him also to his demise, as a loyal intimate who had never left his side.

you held back your tears when a question made its way into your head: would he have found solace now that everything was over? you shivered and hoped he could finally rest, but your heart wouldn’t have been the same ever again.

the peace you had found within his presence had mercilessly been broken and nothing could have ever repaired it.

[ do not copy, translate, repost, etc. | by @ elf-osamu ]

[ tag list — @bladesmuse ]

[moonlit-mystery-writer]

My Oc's Relationships with the Varia

@childe-of-saulot @myrmyrtheorca

Okay! Fair warning before I start on this oc, there will be a lot on her lol. I've been able to play around with her the longest of my KHR ocs and I have her entwined with a handful of other ocs (That I might post some other day).

Secondly, she's the wife of the Arcobaleno and partially cursed as such, so Viper/Mammon will be done later when/if I ever get around to writing out her dynamics with that group lol.

Thirdly, Fran will be on a different post too if/when I get to the Kokuyo Gang.

Celeste Thorne or Celeste Épine is naturally a very caring and kind woman. If she's not actively taking care of someone, she's inevitably mother hen-ing someone. The type of person who's always wanted to be a parent; someone who's always dreamed a big family. However, her chances of being a mother were mostly dashed when her spouses were cursed into infantile forms and her own age permanently frozen no matter how many years pass. Even so, she did everything to keep herself hopeful and positive for the sake of Aria who she was now raising.

Squalo: Celeste is best friends with Squalo's mother and is his godmother. She was one of the first few people who held him as newborn and basically helped raise him throughout his life. Right there for almost ever major milestone of his life, and for the few she wasn't, she showed up not long after. She adores him with all her heart, having a slight tendency to still view him as the ambitious little boy she knew so long ago; the baby who'd stubbornly fuss in her arms no matter what she did as his mother got some much needed rest.

One thing she still does for him that she's done since he was young is get him at least one birthday gift with his birthstone, something she does for anyone she loves. For Squalo, he has plenty of jewelry and charms with aquamarine, but his favorite (though he'd never fully admit it to her) is the bloodstone locket that has the Varia logo on it with a picture of him and Xanxus inside. She got it for him for his first birthday after he became part of the Varia; the bloodstone being both March's second birthstone and a bad joke about him being an assassin now.

Nowadays, when she visits him, she tends to fuss over his hair a little. Celeste knows full well that he can take care of himself and his hair is doing just fine with how he cares for it, obviously. However, as someone with really long hair herself, she instinctively wants to take care of it for him. In fact, she tends to fuss over his health in general, if he gets snippy about it she will point out all his near-death experiences and how he cut off his own hand when he was young. In her eyes, this perfectly warrants her concerns over him.

Bel/Belphegor: Since she was a little girl and knew she wanted a family of her own, Celeste would go on and on about wanting twins. As she got older and older, she was certain one day she'd have twin sons. And well... She wasn't wrong per se, but the method wasn't exactly conventional at all.

She met Bel and Rasiel when they were 4 years old, or more specifically, 3 years old and 11 months. She was in their kingdom after their father contacted the Giglio Nero Famiglia, wanting to discuss the idea joining the mafia life. She was hesitant at first, but after learning he had young sons and running the idea of the visit past Aria, she couldn't help agreeing. Thus, her and the then 12 year old Aria, ending up staying in their kingdom for almost a year. She thought she'd be getting into a situation where the boys were loved dearly by others and that their father was an actual parent to them. That was not the case and she was so angry for the sake of both boys. If she could've, she would've killed their father a million times over and taken them far away from there. The only thing that held her back is the risk that regicide would pose for Aria and the Giglio Nero Famiglia as a whole.

Bel's first memory of Celeste is of him opening a birthday gift she got him. The toy inside was a simple stuffed animal, but it was a mink stuffed animal. To a little him, the fact she took effort in getting him his specific favorite animal instead of just grabbing him something generic meant the world. To this day he has that toy, far more weathered and aged, but still the same. Its also where his dear box animal, Mink, gets its name from.

Celeste tried everything she could to get the boys to stop fighting each other entirely. She could get them to pause for moments, namely by distracting them with activities or singing for them, but it'd never last for too long. Even so, she never yelled or used force or do anything that could hurt them forever. She'd gentle scold, explain why the actions were wrong, then tend to any injuries that may have happened or would clean them both up.

She did everything she could to make sure both twins knew they were loved, but especially Bel. She knew the pains of being the spare heir(ess) very well herself. She knew what it felt like to have everyone's eyes on an older sibling rather than you. So she made sure he knew that she was always there for him. That her eyes were always on him too, not just on Rasiel. Celeste also did this by giving both unique and kinda silly nicknames. Bel's are: Little prince, mon loup, and Baby-Bel Cheese. She still calls Bel these to this day.

I don't think we're ever given a proper timeline as to when the twins gave each other laxative and worms. So! When Bel got sick after being force fed worms by his brother, Celeste stayed right by his side. She took care of him and made sure he got better instead of force. At the time, he was bitter because she'd done the same for Rasiel a week earlier when he poisoned him. However now, whenever he's sick, he will often find himself missing her soft words and gentle touch and how she'd only leave to get things he needed, to check on Aria, or when he was asleep.

Both of them equally hate when she had to leave and leave him behind. Celeste just also hates that she had to leave Rasiel behind too given she loved both twins as her own after all.

Celeste met him again basically right after he joined the Varia. When Viper had called her and said they had a gift for her, one of her lost babies wasn't what she'd expected. But she was so happy to have Bel back in her life, even if she couldn't be right there for him full time. Of course it hurt to learn Rasiel was gone, but she'd never tell him that directly. And it's not like it was a big surprise to learn given that she was the only trying to actively curb their violent tendencies towards each other, there was a part of her that figured one of them would end up killing the other as much as it hurt to think.

To this day, he's the Varia member she spends the most time with outside of Viper. She loves taking him out to places he wants to see or to events or even just short shopping trips. She wants to give Bel the best sense of normalcy that she can despite his upbringing and the fact both of them are so deeply involved in the mafia. As, she knows he'll never fully be able to get it for himself.

Lussuria and Levi: Combining these two because there's not much to them and her! However, that doesn't mean she doesn't care for them at all. She simply didn't get to know them well until after Xanxus got frozen. Celeste did small thing for them to show she cares for them too. Though, her biggest act involving one of them has to be when she bought Lussuria a whole set of diamond jewelry (necklace, bracelets, and earrings) because he's an April birthday like her.

Xanxus: On all level except physical, Xanxus is her son. That's how she sees it at least. They met at a Vongola party when a then 9 year old Aria dragged a less than happy 9 year old Xanxus right up to her, declaring the boy her new best friend. From that day on, he became her own son in her heart. She hated Timoteo, but she was willing to set all of that completely aside so Xanxus could spend time with her and Aria. She doted on him like any spoiling mother would. She showered him with attention and praise. She helped him with homework and made sure to reward his good grades. But she knew that she wasn't the one he wanted that from.

Celeste wasn't stupid. She knew all the boy wanted was his father's acknowledgement. Part of her wanted to fight Timoteo until he gave Xanxus what he wanted. In her eyes, her baby was more than deserving of it. But she held back, knowing it'd just hurt him if he ever learned she had to step in to get him what he wanted most. And she doesn't want him in pain after all. She didn't know what eventually caused Xanxus to hate Timoteo too, but she supported him.

For her, like with the rest of the mafia world, Xanxus simply disappeared. She mourned like any mother would when their child is missing without a trace. However, it wasn't hard for her to learn the real story from the others she's close to in the Varia. She was pissed, beyond pissed even when she learned. At Timoteo, at the rest of Vongola, at the rest of mafia in general, and even at herself.

To her, she failed Xanxus. She didn't love him enough clearly. She didn't give him everything he needed, that's what caused this. Maybe she should've fought Timoteo into give Xanxus the attention he wanted, even if it hurt him emotionally. Hurt feelings are better than being frozen in ice after all... She should've done more for him...

The main reason she hates the rest of the mafia for this though is for a simple reason: They don't miss her son. They miss Timoteo's heir. They don't miss the boy who always struggled getting up in the morning after sleepover with Aria. They don't miss the boy she helped finish hard math homework. They don't miss the boy who loves ligers, who's favorite color is orange, and who loves to read. They don't miss the boy who'd struggle to fall back asleep after a nightmare. They don't miss the boy she taught to swim. They don't miss the boy she carried to bed when he and Aria fell asleep on her couch. They don't miss that Xanxus, her Xanxus. They miss the Vongola Decimo candidate, Xanxus.

For every year he was frozen, she still got birthday gifts for him. Of course, she wasn't sure if he'd actually like them at that point, but she took an educated guess of what he might've liked as he got older. His fist birthday after he got unfrozen, she sent him every last one of those gifts.

Nowadays, she still love him with all her heart as her son. He'll always be her baby after all. But, he's not a kid anymore and she knows it. He doesn't need her to hold her to hold his hand and guide him around anymore. Her little boy is all grown up now. Yet... She can't stop herself from showing him her love the same ways still. She can't help herself from fixing his hair when there's a part out of place. She still calls him all the little nicknames she came up with for young him. She still buys him opal cufflinks and suit pins and more for his birthdays.

She also will still carry him to bed if he falls asleep around her. And I do mean will, she can be frighteningly strong when she wants to be.

Also this applies to Squalo, Bel, and Xanxus. But she does loves sharing those "embarrassing" stories parents will tell about their kids. Like odd games they played, silly mishaps they had, and things like that.

[griefabyss69]

Ample Fire Within

Hello everybody I hurt my feelings about Steve and so I've decided to inflict that on all of you as well <3

[AO3] [ Tip / Commissions post ]

Platonic Stobin - Rated: G - 1.7K

Angst with a happy ending It's short enough the full thing is under the cut!

"For all of the late night wishing on a star type of bullshit he does, when he's alone in the dark and doesn't even have to properly face himself, let alone anyone else, you'd think he'd be able to handle it when he finally gets what he wants."

You'd think that all of the near-death experiences and injuries and horrible secret knowledge they’d all had would make a group of people like, forthcoming about their feelings.

But when most of those people are hiding deeply under too many layers of irony, insecurity, and maybe an affected teenage distance, feelings come out in stupid little arguments and the decision to be as annoying as possible instead of like.

Talking about it.

The affection is just like that too – drenched in demands - and just like anything, Steve has to assume that being asked for shit means that someone somewhere cares about him.

If they need him, that means they'll think about him, remember him.

It means they won't leave and won't spit his feelings back in his face, drunk off of either expensive wine or spiked punch – he's since forgiven Nancy, and they're good friends, though she could never love him.

Forgiving his mom is something he thinks he'll get around to one day, if she ever gets around to deciding he exists again.

His dad is a lost cause, so he doesn't bother.

---

Robin's hand is tight around his, her nail polish alternating between a shimmery blue and a stark black. It works on her, makes her look cool in the way only she can be.

He studies the difference in their fingers, his nails are neatly trimmed out of habit, though the skin around them peels like he hasn't been taking care of the skin. Hers are doing pretty well, considering she's once again trying to fully kick the habit of biting them.

Despite how much smaller her hands are, he feels like the one who's protected, a bracing grip that keeps him grounded as some of his neighbors head out of the store, the sour feeling of being degraded by nothing but polite conversation about where he might go to school next year and “What are your parents up to these days?” sitting heavy in his guts.

"You want to pick the movie?" Robin asks, adding her other hand into the mix, squeezing his tightly.

He shakes his head, can't stomach the thought of having an opinion on anything right now, on being some kind of real boy who has to make a decision harder than breathe in – good – now breathe out.

She lets go of him to go wander around the shelves, and he misses the comfort deeply, but doesn't say anything about it because he needs to find a way to earn the next one, this one finished with it’s job even if it’s prematurely. He’ll find the next emotional punch he can take and will hope it makes someone notice he could use a hug or something.

He wants to think he's got people in his life now that notice him at least some of the time, really notice him, not like before when he'd sat concussed through his exams and managed to pass because the teachers didn't want to face down the wrath of Harrington Sr.

He tries not to mope, tries to shake everything off, and goes to poke fun at Robin for whatever movie she picked.

---

For all of the late night wishing on a star type of bullshit he does, when he's alone in the dark and doesn't even have to properly face himself, let alone anyone else, you'd think he'd be able to handle it when he finally gets what he wants.

But maybe it's the unexpected timing, or just the way he didn't think they'd ever be those people – but when Robin hugs him goodbye one night, the last one out of the house as Nancy waits up outside to take her home, she murmurs a quiet "Love you" into his shoulder and he only manages to hold himself together by a fucking hair until the door is shut behind her.

He wouldn’t have ever imagined that it would make him crumple to the floor beside the neat rack of shoes he never wears, but he finds himself flat on his ass with his forehead on his knees like someone's packing him away in a box.

Ugly tears already brimming and spilling down his face as his throat closes up around what might just be a banshee's wail.

He knows he's supposed to be happy, and he knows there's a part of him that is, but the rest of him is just hurt – there’s an empty hole that had dug through him until it had grown into a deep well of loneliness, and every little offering of care and attention and love drowns in it.

About thirty minutes and a big pounding headache later, his phone rings, and his voice is rough when he picks up.

"Steve," Robin gasps, out of breath like she'd run to the phone. "What's wrong?"

He frowns, wondering if he sounds that bad.

"Nothing, why?"

"Oh, you just sound… And I'd thought – I just had a feeling in the car and then it got worse and I got worried and I'm sorry I'm sure you're so ready to go get your beauty sleep and I know we'll see each other at work tomorrow – but you sound terrible, Steve. Are you really okay?"

Robin's voice is as soothing as much as it picks at him, all the little threads he'd found on the floor to put himself back together get snatched back up by her soulmate premonition feelings or whatever, and he feels his sore eyes start to sting again.

"Rob, everything's fine," he says, heading to the sink, stretching the phone cord so he can get a cold glass of water. "Just took a little nap."

"Oh, that's good," She sighs, clearly relieved. "I guess… I'll let you go?"

Steve's heart feels full of something that aches, but maybe it's not really in a bad way. He can't tell right now, but he blinks and blinks and blinks until his eyes aren't threatening to un-convince Robin of his fine-ness.

"Yeah, I'll see you in the morning," he says, and pauses, digging his toes into the tile floor to brace himself. "Have good dreams, love you."

Robin's voice is warm and thready when she replies, the phone doing a bad job of replicating it but he can still imagine she's speaking into his shoulder again.

"Love you too, goodnight Steve."

---

He does more crying in the shower, though this time it’s more of a relieved thing.

The little worry in the background of his mind that Robin had said it accidentally earlier is gone – and the larger worry in the front of his mind that he'd somehow ruin their friendship by saying the same thing back at her is gone too.

He's almost excited to get to work tomorrow, though his self esteem hasn't been doing all that great lately, with summer vacation and everyone he went to high school with coming back home from college.

Logically he doesn't care about the judgmental questions and the superior airs they put on, as if surviving another year of schooling could hold a candle to the crazy shit he's survived, but it still like, hurts.

At least the store’s been too busy for them to be scheduled for solo shifts, so he's mostly just working his full day with Robin, and aside from the retail hell of it all, it's been kind of nice just getting to hang out together for hours and hours.

---

Robin's too good at reading him, and he regrets his excitement to see her so soon after his weird love induced meltdown on the welcome mat.

"Oh my God, you lied!" She hisses as he takes his place behind the counter, leaning beside her. "Clearly something was wrong last night."

He knows his eyes are slightly fucked up still, but he's had nights of bad sleep that had him looking worse, so he's truly confused for a moment, and lets her know that, his perplexed frown out in full force as she sets her hands on his shoulders.

"C'mon, the puppy dog eyes aren't going to work," she says, squeezing and shaking him a little bit. "You let me think I was an over-worrier! That I was thinking too much. Tell me, Steve."

He sighs, closes his eyes, and wishes desperately they weren't at work for this.

"Any chance of letting me talk about it in eight hours?"

Robin scoffs, and digs her fingers into the meat of his shoulders.

It's probably meant to hurt, but it's a pleasant pressure, his muscles feeling a little sore from all of the tension he’s been carrying.

"No, tell me now before we have to flip the sign," she says, the little crack in her voice betraying her whole pissed off act.

"Fine just. Don't laugh," he says, wondering if it's more pathetic to ask her not to or more pathetic to experience it if she does.

She raises her eyebrows, eyes lasered in on his as he opens them, and she just looks sad.

"It hurt, you know, in the car. I just… I knew something wasn't okay but I had no idea what it was, but I was sure it was something to do with you," she says, subdued.

The soulmates thing gets pretty freaky sometimes, but Steve's heard of this happening to like, identical twins. So why not him and Robin, honestly?

"Sorry," he says, swallowing around the lump in his throat. "Just uh, when you. Said you loved me."

Robin winces, loosens her grip on his shoulders.

"Not good?" She asks, and Steve frowns.

"No, it was good," he says quickly, doesn't want her to feel bad for saying it, or worse, take it back. "I'm…"

He thinks about it, the little bright spark in his chest that's been flickering, fighting against all of the heaviness and general stress he's been feeling. It grows a little stronger every time he sees her, and he hopes that one day it can be a proper flame.

"It's just been a while," he whispers, thinks that this isn't fair to even tell her. "Since someone's told me that."

It sounds depressing as hell, and truly, despite whatever his 3AM wallowing would have to say about it, he's been doing fine, has a full enough social calendar with his friends.

"Oh," Robin says, the way it hurts as plain as a clear day on her face. "Well, I love you."

Steve finds himself blinking back tears again, and the smile that sneaks up on him feels like the lightening of a burden, an unpacked suitcase.

"I love you too."

[simpingcorner]

Daughter of the Shadows Ch. 4

Word count: 1.9k

Warnings: mild violence (mention of stabbing, mention of physical fighting), blood, mention of alcohol, mention of gambling,near death experience, mention of Kaz’s past, Kaz Brekker (I know it shouldn’t be a warning, but Kaz’s ability of dealing with his feelings is a warning to me),not proofread, let me know if I forgot something.

Author's Note: Fourth chapter to my Grishaverse fanfic. I really hope I’ve done Leigh’s Kaz justice, so tell me if it’s out of character or anything. Also tell me if you want to be added to the taglist. A reminder this is insipred by my SoC DR so it’ll follow both the books and the show plotlines, there will be changes to the canon characters and their storylines, it’s also a Kaz Brekker x OC. | English isn’t my first language so please bear with me and tell me if there’s something wrong. I hope you like it.

all rights to leigh bardugo, i only owny liith and her backstory (other ocs will be introduced later)

Read other parts here: ch. 1 - ch. 2 - ch. 3 - Ch. 5 -  Ch. 6

CHAPTER 4

KAZ

The legends and myths whispered around the Barrel about Kaz Brekker were enough to keep everyone he’d meet on their toes, or so that’s what they’d all think. So many stories had been spread about his past, his family and where he’d come from, yet, only a small number of people knew that everything that was whispered in the streets of the city was wrong.

Myths, that’s what it all was, just myths, legends, stories. Every violent act was cautious, studied, every plan came with enough back plans to cover all the letters of the alphabet, twice.

The stale, humid autumn air filled the office, the light from the street lamps reflected off the glass creating dancing figures on the dark walls, the window was ajar a sign that the boy was waiting for news to arrive, he had sent the girl to gather information on Jellen Radmakker before the moon greeted them, he knew that the council's 'business' dinners usually lasted well into the night, which meant that the information would arrive just before dawn, he had other things to worry about, he couldn't waste time worrying about her.

A knock on the door distracted him from the papers and documents he'd spent hours studying, "Boss." Specht's voice surprised him, "What have you found out?" he asked motioning him to close the door behind him, "They've targeted a new shipment coming in at the end of the month, six grisha. They don't know the location or the exact day they'll arrive but they have an exclusive to buy them before anyone else does." Kaz sat behind his desk, hands clasped on his cane, his gaze fixed on the window. "OK." He simply said not shifting his gaze from the window, the older man knew not to expect a thank you, a good job, Kaz had never thanked or complimented anyone and yet Specht knew he had done a good job, he knew he was important in Kaz Brekker's gang and he didn't care to spend the rest of his life without a thank you or a good job, as long as he received his money he would accept whatever Kaz told him to.

The closed door of his office muffled the noises of the Club below him, he could vaguely hear the screams and cackles of the pigeons too drunk to realise how much they were losing, the blue eyed man wiped his hands before closing his shirt and putting on his gloves, gloves that were now a second skin to him, created especially for him, they had grown with him, they stood by him in all his jobs, every moment of his life had been lived by him as much as by his gloves. He knew he shouldn't compare his gloves to the girl's, but part of him knew he didn't deserve them, not when the girl had learned to live without hers.

He closed the door behind him, hiding the key in the pocket of his trousers, his injured leg hurting more than usual, reminding him of the past, reminding him of things he would like to forget.

The place was full, the line of customers waiting to get in was longer than usual, he noticed Big Bolliger at the door busy arguing with some waiting customers, Joe was busy pouring yet another drink for one of the players, satin clad women and girls were sitting on the laps of men old enough to be their fathers or rich enough to afford lovers in every corner of the city, just the thought of wanting to touch multiple people for sheer pleasure made Kaz's stomach turn, reminding him of how much experience he was losing, he shook his head, trying to banish the thought and concentrate on his Club, on his work, on what was really important, his Dregs, his employees were focused on their work, some were intent on shuffling their cards, ready to cheat yet another hand, others were moving like eels between tables bringing drinks to customers, his gaze studied the whole place, a part of him knew something was wrong when he noticed Jesper's absence, the Zemeni should have been guarding the door but the place was too quiet.

 "Jesper." He just said to Anika as he approached the bar, the boy's authoritative voice made the girl wince, the raven-haired girl's lips were twitching, her eyes used to travel to the boss's face were fixed on the bar behind him, "I don't know." she said before returning her focus to the drink in front of her, "Anika. " the girl's eyes tried not to look at the boss, to fixate on anything else, she had to tell him what was going on, but she didn't know if she was more scared of Kaz or Lilith and as much as she disliked the girl the fear she felt was stronger than the hatred and contempt; it was when she noticed Specht appearing in the doorway that her face betrayed her, Kaz's gaze shifted in the direction the girl was looking, Specht followed by a blonde girl dressed in red were running towards the stairs, it was not uncommon for one of the boys to bring a tourist or someone they met on the job into their room but Kaz knew that this girl was not there for Specht.

He tried to forget the pain in his leg as he followed the pair up the stairs, they passed the first floor confirming Kaz's theory, the blonde wasn't there for Specht, the blonde already knew where to go, skipping the last step of the third flight of stairs she headed to the left, ignoring all the doors, aiming for the last white door in the hallway.

"How is she?" She asked, opening the door and rushing in, "She keeps losing and regaining consciousness." Inej's voice sounded like a mirage, the neat, clean, white blankets of Lilith's bed were untidy beneath her body.

Kaz stood in the doorway, hands clenched on his cane, the metal began to cut through the leather of his gloves and the skin beneath them. In any other building in the world it would have been mistaken for an omen of death.

He forced himself to look at Lilith as Jesper helped the blonde tighten the bandages on Lilith's side.

Kaz shuddered as in his mind the image of Jordie appeared more vivid than ever, the feeling of his brother's cold, swollen skin against his own was drowning him. He was drowning in Jordie, in Lilith dying on the bed in front of him.

The blonde muttered to herself as she worked, one hand on Lilith's wrist and the other tight on the bandages on her side. Kaz watched her carefully and could see her counting Lilith's heartbeat as she tried to stop the bleeding.

That was why, when the blonde interrupted her mumbling and looked at Lilith, her eyes slowly widening, Kaz felt his own heart tremble and almost stop.

The blonde let go of Lilith's wrist, dropping her hand to the floor. She put her hands together, the first two fingers overlapping each other, before lowering them onto Lilith's chest. It was as if Kaz could feel Lilith's heart slowing instead of speeding up. He watched the blonde repeat the movements, determination, panic and fear visible on her face as her eyes began to glaze over.

Kaz swallowed and felt the ocean sweep over him again. He saw Lilith staring at him, dead and lifeless just like Jordie.

Her bright brown eyes were empty, dull.  

Inej was praying, clutching Lilith's wolf-bone daggers. Jesper was motionless, for the first time since he had met Kaz, his red eyes were fixed on the body of his best friend. Kaz saw the hope diminish in the blonde's eyes.

The blonde sobbed, repeating the movements again, she brought her hands to the brunette's chest, much more forcefully than she should have. She held them there, begging and pleading with the brunette's organs not to give up. To fight.

Second by second she felt the brunette's pulse start up again. The heartbreaker kept her hands still on Lilith's chest, terrified that if she took them away her pulse might stop again. Second by second the colour began to return to Lilith's face, allowing the blonde to sigh relieved and lower her tired head.

Inej released a sob, thanking and praying to her saints.

"Bandage her wound." Said the blonde to Jesper, noticing the boy's sly smile return to his face, the Zemeni took a bandage from one of the drawers behind them and knelt at Lilith's side pulling up her bloody shirt and gently resting the bandage on the wound, Kaz's eyes watched the scene, he hated everything that was happening in front of him, not just the wound, not just what that wound would stop Lilith from doing, he felt helpless, he knew he had to help her, he hated seeing Jesper do something he had promised her he would do.

"Lils, you shouldn't sleep on the job." Jesper's voice was broken, a mixture of happiness and concern. "Look who's talking." Kaz's eyes snapped to the girl, he had forced everyone back to work except for Inej and Jesper who had stood their ground and would not leave the room until Lilith woke up, and Milana, the heartbreaker who had sat at the foot of the bed and not moved for hours waiting for Lilith to wake up.

"Saints, Lils don't ever do that again." Said Inej hugging the younger one's neck, "I didn't want to be stabbed." replied the brunette returning the hug, "I did my best, please don't do anything too dangerous, even if it doesn't hurt. I know it will be difficult but please I don't want to see you in that condition again." "I'll try, I'm not promising anything." The two exchanged a knowing look, which did not go unnoticed by the other three Crows, before Milana got up and left the room, leaving the four Crows behind the closed door. "Do you know each other?" Jesper asked breaking the silence, "When you do our job you have to have connections." Answered Lilith leaning her back against the wall, the sun was rising illuminating the room, "I'm fine." assured the girl after a few minutes of silence, "If I find out you did this just to not feed my crows I swear on the Saints I will never forgive you." Inej said before following Jesper out of the room, closing the door behind him.

"I feel your disappointment on me." Said Lilith turning to look at Kaz, the boy was leaning against the dresser, his cane in front of him, his gloves resting on the wood to his right, "You didn't report after dinner." "Sorry next time I tell those perverts to let me report before attacking me." The sarcasm in the girl's voice would have carried serious consequences if it had come out of anyone else's mouth. "Is that all you're here for? To tell me I should have waited until I died to report?"

No. I’m here for the promise I made you long ago.

"No, I needed to know when you would be able to return to work." Kaz's face was serious, impassive, Lilith's was pale, a veil of disappointment so thin as to go unnoticed by the inexperienced eye, but Kaz was not inexperienced.

Tag list: @awkwardbean4337 @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy

[lettalady]

I have a what if for an older story I still think about. I know that WISH isn't really near the Infinity War time line buuut...

What if Loki and The Agent in WISH had been snapped?

Oh boy it's been awhile since I've hunted down those plottings and played with the characters from the Loki WISH series. We never connected (care of tech failing and loss of data which I'm still upset about even years later) where we were at the last posting with the scenes I'd written of a SHIELD facility, the disc, and the chaos that ensues.

At any rate...

[ Look ma, a Weekend What If that isn't LJH! ]

What if Loki and The Agent in WISH had been snapped?

In my head I imagine being snapped not as being erased from existence but dragged from reality to a barren sort of holding area. Neither alive nor dead? Waiting for an undoing, or whatever comes next   —

The struggle of having fought for the safety of their people only to face off against impossible odds. Loki gets dusted before Thor's eyes, when he thought him to be dead. An anguished brother losing so much in the blink of an eye, and then forced to relive the pain in the retelling of events - to catch up coworkers on the threats posed and the need for action. 

Word of mouth, gossip, rumor reaches the agent in regards to Loki’s so-called last stand. The organization she once felt such loyalty to calls on her to join in the regrouping and attempted defense against Thanos. If she refuses there’s just more of the same in her future, if she accepts she can attempt to rebuild bridges long burned.

Then comes the snap and she, too, dusts — having heard the tales of watching half the population simply vanish. It’s not like they have the ability to reach out and communicate that no, those lost were not entirely gone (until the actions undertaken that undid the loss of so many and tada individuals thought to be gone forever have returned! –  but we’ll get there). 

So it’s a surprise to find herself in a world that seems familiar and yet so foreign, again with that weight felt of a gravity different than her home planet, a scent to the air she’s able to breathe that tangs of not-home nor anything else that had through her misadventures become familiar to her. To find so many others also puzzling through what they’re faced with. Dragged from wherever, whatever and faced with this strange near-nothingness. To not be alone facing it would be a blessing. To see some semblance of organization… while reeling from that really-shouldn’t-be-a-familiar-thing-but-is feeling of being yanked from one reality to another.  

Our agent is rather uniquely qualified to identify the similarities of the occurrence, and rather than stumbling to her feet and fighting to quickly gain her bearings only to be taken captive and dragged someplace worse – hearing shouts of direction passing through the amassed group, most wearing similar faces of bewilderment. 

The reunion wouldn’t be immediate, not with so many of the population suddenly arriving to wherever they are. But then she hears the familiar cadence of Asgarians and gravitates that way. Leaders, of varying species conferring – those that can translate for others doing so to allow for less confusion in an already mind bending experience, and one in particular that she knows intimately. 

Shock of counterevidence to his death. Alive and possibly not if you hold certain beliefs about where they’ve been ‘snapped’ to, but certainly given more time together. Loki working alongside others and debating courses of action and deferring to someone else’s argument, looking away from the gathering of minds to realize he’s being watched by so many but in particular a face he hoped he would never find amongst those looking for answers. 

[ find the Loki WISH series on A03 ]

[onceandfuturemoron]

When Merlin's had enough

In most of the magic reveal fics i read Arthur is betrayed, hurt and angry and Merlin regretful, ashamed and afraid like he's done something wrong. But it's not true. Merlin has done nothing wrong. He did everything for Arthur. He put him first every time. Arthur doesn't have a right to be angry at all. If anything Merlin is the one who should be angry at having his loyalty questioned after all the years of devoted service just because he was born gifted with magic. For something that he can't even control. I desperately need a magic reveal that Merlin just snaps when Arthur and others call him a liar or question his loyalty. He yells at them telling them all of everything he had to do, every life he had to take, everything he had to witness and endure just to keep them all safe. Screams at Arthur that he's not the only one who has ever lost someone. He tells them about his father that he lost after having just met him not even a day before and losing him before they even had a chance to know each other. About Freya, the innocent girl that had to die for being cursed. About how he couldn't even grieve them properly:) about will. About all the lives he couldn't save. About all the guilt he carries around. About his sleepless nights. About his all too many near death experiences. About how he wouldn't lie, how he would tell them the truth if they just showed a little bit of encouragement. If they just gave the smallest hint that they're okay with magic, that they'll accept him as he is. About the burden he has on his young bony shoulders, weighing him down. About the lives and future of his people, his kind that is on him. About his body that doesn't have a part of skin that isn't scarred or burned. About how he couldn't ever be himself with anyone. About not having anyone by his side when he's there for all of his friends. About how utterly and completely tired and done he is with all this shit. All this destiny and uniting Albion and bringing magic back crap. He's just had enough and he just can't take it anymore. He just storms out after his outburst because he can't see the hate and anger in their faces. He just can't take them.I want him to break down in front of everyone. I want them all to see how much he tried and lost. How more of a man he is than of all of them. I want everyone to understand what he's been through. Because my boy didn't do anything wrong. He always did his best and never had anyone caring just for him, protecting him, pulling him in a hard embrace.

He was always alone. Always.

[tawus]

Answering an ask that contains JJK manga spoilers

⚠️ JJK manga spoilers below ⚠️

Anonymous said:

1. The theory of Gojo having a rough childhood was actually cleared up by Gege during the Q&A interview in the Jump Giga Autumn 2022.

Q. Was Gojo treated kindly / lovingly as the head of the

Gojo family?

A. He was spoiled rotten.

☝🏻Really explains his bratty behaviour 😂

2. It was a really wholesome moment between Gojo & kid Megumi him telling Hana might fall in love with Megumi and rubbing the kid's head. (all the fan arts were right )

3. And you are right, when the shock value of Sukuna possessing Megumi dissipated , I couldn't take Sukuna seriously anymore with that emo haircut and Megumi's sea urchin hair gelled up back.(still sexy)

4. Kinda curious on how this Sukuna will play a part in the second part of Infidelity if there are plans on it.

5. Kashimo is interesting but dude has so many death flags for wanting to fight Sukuna .

6. And poor Hana & Yuko Ozawa who loves Megumi & Yuji for their personalities , they might have to witness both of their love interests dying and the boys doesn't even know about the girls' feelings.(btw Yuki x Choso was tragic)

7. And lastly we will see Gojo again sooner , i mean we saw the back of the PR held by Choso. Pretty sure it would be a " we won but at what cost "feeling when Gojo comes as things are not looking good for Gojo.

Tawus:

Wow. Wow! WOW! See, I'm gonna gush right here: since the start I've maintained that Gojo wasn't abused as a child. I was even going to write a shortfic about his childhood the way I envision it - in which he saw from his parents, elders, guardians, and servants: love, care, affection, guidance, compassion, generosity, and of course, their absolute spoiling of him. I've had both types of parents: violent/abusive and healthy/loving. And it's thanks to my healthy/loving parent that I got to see what non-toxic love and care is supposed to look like. If you've never received something, it's hard to know what it looks like. With Gojo, we can clearly see that he's a good guy. The way he cares and provides guidance and guardianship to all his students, starting with Megumi... With the absolute power he holds, if he was heavily abused as a child and never saw any love, I see him becoming a villain. A fantastic villain! But he's not. On the other hand, if he was just spoiled rotten and never saw any suffering, then he would have a hard time sympathising with the plight of others. But Gojo does. He has empathy, however imperfect. And I believe that this empathy was gained not through his own personal suffering as a child, but perhaps of the suffering he witnessed of his close childhood friend or someone near him at the time... These are all my speculations based on my own life experience and I was going to write a shortfic encompassing these, but I got put off from writing it due to the fandom's nearly collective agreement that he was abused... With Gege finally clearing it up, though, I'm glad to see I was on the right track. So thank you sm for sharing this with me! 💗

Agreed. I could gush all day and night over Gojo's relationship with Megumi ❤️

'sea urchin hair' lmaoo

Lol I'm curious too how this Sukuna thing will play out in the Infidelity sequel bc I absolutely did NOT expect that! Gege dropping bombs out here 😭

I'm so into Kashimo by now that istg, he better give up on fighting Sukuna and go live out his retirement in his shiny new body somewhere in the countryside 😭

Oh god I hope you're wrong! And god, Yuki x Choso was tragic

See, for all my above talk about Gojo not being a villain, my fucked up little heart that wrote Infidelity, secretly wishes for Gojo's reaction to all the deaths and losses once he comes out of the Realm to be to cause an apocalypse. Final manga panel: the whole world is burning. There are no more people, no more sorcerers, no more curses, no more students, no more suffering. The end ✨

[the-firebird69]

Garth is going to have to take a dirt nap insane to me is very rude first I'm going to tell him something I'm trying to find the words to make it a perfect statement about what I f****** loser that piece of f****** crap is a week is unintelligent annoying

You massively annoying piece of s*** and of course the most unsuspected weekly on Earth for having performed this task solely for Tommy f repeatedly against the clan because they felt sorry for you because they helped you babe you fed you educated you and you couldn't hold on to it but they kept you around because your clans and you're really a huge traitor to them massive massive massive massive trader got them all captured by Tommy F into the matrix so they can have their own s***** poos and lasers built by professionals without having any free will about it you facilitated Tommy have the devil himself. And he says I will find the poor boy and he didn't send me a note and access and it said it's this boy he knows where they are and it was before you said it now we're going after them back Daddy says

If you could only understand Paul dodos that you want to destroy your own people who probably have finished their work and you're the only ones who can help stop this massive juggernaut you can only understand that if you took over the matrix little b**** you would have awesome power but that's not something you understand you want to live in the woods and have bugs crawl in your head. What are you doing understand is what you'd be passing up even if you gained one matrix because you build a ship your people have one and other people will grab the others and you would be part of a mixed group and something happened you destroy yourself that's one scenario has to fall because he did this to you and he forced you to do it and you don't really get it cuz you feel like it's real but what you were doing was slowly cutting every every single piece of muscle and skin off your body yourself disgusting disgusting

Zues

Heavenly how he put it and I put the same way but he was having you eat it and you weren't growing it back and you didn't get anything from it you pig

Hera

I'm going to beat you to death you n***** Garth

Ken

You're a melee piece of s*** Garth everyone's going to beat you to death show some f****** guilt about doing something to your own people they were keeping you alive so what they said stuff to you it's family these people don't care if you live or die you're trying to kill you all the time you meally piece of dumbass really you have no clue

Thor Freya

What's going to happen is the Fed Tommy f try to play a pin the tail on the donkey and it was like one stupid donkey and that's not enough donkeys you tried probably had what five octillion people in the area and he has like 5,000 how many wander around and do this dirty deed

Zues Hera

We see it on camera you see him doing it we see him doing it now now we have the veto tape we're going to send it to you cuz you're such a cry baby and everyone will see it they're around you 24/7 with huge groups of clones he got them all over himself and he started fighting them after he was near you calling them Marauders it's exactly what they are and Mr sinister the same exact name he was using he's an incredible person started fighting him right away and your clan fell to them and to your idiot mouth cuz you're a jerk too much of one okay the week pull down the strong

Mac

You have an angel too and I see it it's not exactly you saying the tape over no but I do get it you want people to fight over it and I don't want to blow up my family

Garth it's called Trinity experiment because they're trying to overcome God and what you say is no it's this guy who called himself God who took over George's plan then enlisted your people by force because they're poor and Africa wasn't backing them up but some Africans know about it oh s*** my nephew that and I believe it I'm in trouble all the time I can't take it all this is way too hard and the more likely being overcome by The matrix so I'm going there and I mean the movie and shut the f****** Garth get the f*** out of here and do the job... I guess I'm mad at myself yeah I really have to straighten this out I have to see if it's true using my people's slaves it's trying to get to me and he probably used me as a slave for real as a slave in the United States so that sucks I'm looking that up probably looks like the guy in matrix for real it's pretty bad already and we know about the dick sucking thing all right I'm going to get out of here this is not right

[itscolourmix]

Foolish & Foolish JR Headcanons/Ideas below!

CHARACTER LORE (HC): 

 BEFORE: 'Foolish’ was formerly a God of both Death AND Rebirth (his powers also extended to child birth, people would pray for a successful labour and for the child to prosper). His true form is smaller than the normal height for gods.

The other Gods were condescending towards him and exploited him for his unique powers over the mortal people. He was like a bodyguard to these gods, protecting them from being harmed and forcing bad omens upon people who spoke against them.

'Foolish’ eventually grew sick of being used, and took every opportunity to speak out against the gods himself. He would stop doing what these gods wanted for their benefit and focus on using his abilities to help the people through war and strife. 

His former name is unknown, but the gods, unhappy about this change, nicknamed him ‘Foolish’ (which he embraced). The Gods no longer wanted to associate themselves with him. 

After the heaviest days of history ended and peace had returned, Foolish decided to sleep in the comfort of his temple as he found himself no longer needed. While he slept, his totems were stolen from temples all over the desert, mostly falling into the hands of illagers. His totems were eventually replicated, though not as powerful as the original. Foolish Jr is one of these original totems 

AFTER: Foolish woke up in his buried temple centuries later, due to the unsuccessful revival of Wilbur causing an imbalance.  He couldn’t get why he was summoned awake, but decided to travel and learn about the people that inhabited the area (The Greater Dsmp). He then spent his time rebuilding and unearthing parts of his temple. He finds himself much happier existing as a simple builder that could lend a hand when he can than a god He now focuses on being the peaceful God of REBIRTH and Life. 

He now can be friendly, easy-going and kind to others without fearing other gods pulling him away. Even with centuries of experience, Foolish keeps being..well.. foolish (on purpose or not). Not only does his new, but more true personality make him more easier to approach and befriend, but makes his enemies underestimate his abilites and think of him less of a threat.

REASON BEHIND FOOLISH'S LOVE FOR SHARKS: Whenever Foolish wanted time for himself, he would rest at the closest bays and beaches. He had come across Sharks near said places, and care for them all in his spare time. Being with Sharks and Marine life was his de-stress. 

Worshippers would learn to care for the ocean life in his name and shores would become scared spots. 

TO EXPLAIN HIS SHARK PARTS: His 1/4 Shark parts (arms and legs) came from an accident. A Shark had passed away near Foolish one day, causing his powers to get ahead of him. In the attempt to stop himself reviving said shark (who lived a happy life and he didn’t want to mess with the natural order), his powers ended up giving him shark parts. 

He doesn’t mind this, and still finds it pretty cool. His hood/head clothing was sown/made by Foolish in remembrance of one of his favourite sharks.

ADDITIONAL HC’S AS OF 11/03/21: 

With many Gods MIA during Foolish’s return, he took up the position of ocean god. Many gods can have powers or associations that overlap, but when a god is missing or dead, other gods are allowed to hold their positions. 

In Foolish’s case, he developed connections to the ocean through his time with Sharks and Marine life. Many of the Gods are missing in present day, so Foolish adopted the role of Ocean God - in which he was also granted powers of the sky. 

The Pharaoh in his Temple was one of his most devoted worshippers. He too was just as kind and giving. Foolish offered for his final resting place to be in his temple and has been there ever since.

Foolish likes working on his builds while being 6'1. He finds it to be more of a challenge and enjoys the grind. Sometimes if he feels like cheating, he’ll use his true form to speed things up. Cue one of the dsmp members walking in on a 23'3 tall Totem God one day haha.

FOOLISH JR (HC made 10/03/21):

TOTEM LORE: As I stated in my last Foolish head canon, Foolish Jr is one of Foolish’s Original Totems. Replicated Totems aren’t fake, but considered lesser. Replicated Totems are copies with the only ability to bring people back to life, but holds none of the other secrets Original totems have.

Totem’s that had been created by Foolish have much more to them than just the power to bring someone back to life. Totems were seen as items of protection (sickness, robbery, attacks, etc) that warriors would leave in their families homes to keep them safe when they went to war.

Having one has also lead some to people believing it attracts danger. It’s most important ability, however, is reserved for Foolish himself. Being primarily the God of Rebirth, any original totem, if unused, has the chance to become the next Totem God.

If Foolish was to die, his powers (and some parts of himself) would pass onto a random Totem, creating the next god to take his place. This God would develop their own personality, only having a few similarities to the former 

FOOLISH JR:

Foolish Jr is a special case. Foolish had used his powers to bring this totem to life (because he wanted a son of his own), however, the child won’t inherit any of his powers or title until Foolish passes on. Jr won’t develop, physically or mentally, any older than 4 or 5 yrs old, and will only grow once he possesses all of Foolish’s powers. That being said, Foolish Jr is happy, and lives a happy life!

He follows his father everywhere, watches him build for hours and tries to be a little helper. He thinks his dad’s the coolest guy around. Foolish Jr does have some powers that are seperate from Foolish and are out of his control 

Jr still keeps his omen-like abilities. Other Children on the server seem to get along with him quite well. He keeps his Totem powers of protection, but also increases the likeness of danger (he can either be seen as a good or bad omen depending on who you are). Sick Children have also appeared healthier around him. He’s a happy boy spreading happiness!

[astaroth1357]

How Often They Worry about MC…

For those who don’t know, I have a little dog named Charlie and she is a large portion of my world. There's no need to be alarmed, my dog is fine, but there are days where I hold her and all I can think about is how much I worry about her health down the line… I suppose we often do that for the people we love, particularly the ones who may not last as long as we will. Take that as inspiration if you'd like.

Lucifer 

Near constantly. 

If you tracked his blood pressure on a grid, you'd see it start to continuously rise about when he decided they were worth having in his life.

Lucifer is the eldest sibling to a whole crew of brothers so he's no stranger to worry. He worried about his brothers when they were young, he worried about them after the Fall, and he still worries about them now (even if he's less open about it).

But a part of him knows that his brothers can handle their own, at least to varying degrees. The MC, though? He's far less sure…

They've proven rather resilient, but also headstrong and reckless. Neither of which are good things to be in a place this dangerous...

If Lucifer isn't careful, he can catch himself staring at a wall or window just wondering where they are and if they're doing alright… If he called them every time he had a passing worry, their inbox would be full by the end each week.

He holds himself back because he doesn't have the time to constantly protect them, but that doesn't stop him from sending a text once or twice a day. They better respond or he'll start (secretly) panicking.

Mammon

He forgets their mortality from time to time, but every time he remembers it hits like a ton of bricks…

Mammon is a pretty "in-the-moment" person. He doesn't spend a lot of time dwelling on the future, but whenever he does the thought of losing MC always comes back to him again and again.

Like. It's gotta happen eventually, right? They're human, humans die, hell they don't even live that long to start with!

The MC can always tell when Mammon's getting worried because he'll get uncharacteristically quiet and pace around or hover by them…

Every little injury or strenuous task will suddenly seem like too much to him as well. 

If they need to carry some boxes, he'll carry them all.

If they have to jog to class, he's carrying them. 

If they so much as get a papercut, he'll have a heart attack.

It's not very hard to get Mammon out of these funks - he really does want them to reassure him that they're okay - but he's never going to get fully over it…

Not until he can steal whatever top secret immortality formula Solomon must have used anyway… He'll get it off that bastard eventually.

Leviathan

Thinks about it so often he has to actively try not to just to get any peace…

He dodges his fears for MC like a protagonist dodges lasting consequences. Every time he feels one creeping up, he's always got a distraction waiting…

"Hey where's MC at? I hope they didn't fall into the riv-OH HEY CHECK OUT THIS NEW GAME!!"

"What are they doing over there…? That looks hard, what if they bre-WAIT DIDN'T MY FAVORITE VOICE ACTOR JUST RELEASE A NEW PODCAST???"

"What if the MC dies tomorrow and they leave me all alo-DEVIL FIGHT 200! YOU CAN'T BEAT DEVIL FIGHT 200, LET’S BREAK MY HIGH SCORE!!"

Cut him some slack, his psyche cannot handle the idea of losing them on top of everything else he grapples with every day.

If, on the rare occasion, he does let himself fall down that rabbit hole he becomes extra clingy and practically begs MC not to leave his room… like ever. He'd bubble wrap them if he could.

Anytime they get really hurt or really sick he refuses to leave their side even if it means he has to awkwardly sit on the floor. He just needs to be able to glance at them every so often to be sure they're alive… Still breathing?? Phew…

Satan

He worries, preps, rationalizes, then worries again…

For Satan, knowledge is power and every scrap of information he can learn about MC is more power he can use to keep them safe and healthy.

Yes, he will want their medical history. Yes, he's going to need a list of prescriptions. Family members too. And no, you do not get a choice.

He'll read up on as many things as he can - pawn medical journals off of witches and get magical alternatives from Solomon.

The cycle usually goes: 

1. He's lying awake at night because he just heard about some terrible bacteria that makes human's skin peel off or something.

2. He does all the research he can on this bacteria, its treatment options, best prevention methods, etc.

3. Gets right about to break out the rubber booties for MC to wear around, then realizes they have a very slim chance of catching said bacteria since it's only native to incredibly remote parts of Indonesia.

4. Feels instant relief that MC will probably not catch flesh-eating bacteria and can finally sleep again…

5. Hears of some other human medical horror from Solomon and starts to worry…

It's a vicious cycle indeed… But at least he's getting a lot of medical training. Soon enough he'll be the Devildom's version of a human vet (which I guess is just a doctor, come to think of it. 🤔)

Asmodeus 

Lives so "here-and-now" that he doesn't remember often, but when he does it's always heartbreaking…

Asmo usually tries to worry about things as little as possible. It’s bad for the skin, you know? But when the MC is involved, all of that goes out the window.

Like how a delicate blossom eventually wilts in the snow, the MC is bound to leave them in time… Usually there's supposed to be something beautiful in that kind of tragedy, but perhaps he's just too close to them to find any romance in it.

The thought of their death gives him breakouts and anytime they get hurt or sick he's the first brother to offer them comfort. Every time.

Because he doesn't feel like he's as physically strong as he brothers, he tries to make up for it by minding their health in other ways. Anything to keep his MC strong and beautiful as always!

If Asmo is in a worrying mood, then he may also compensate by trying to take the MC out to a party or some fun event. Why sit around worrying by himself when he could be making memories with them now, right?

Beelzebub

It comes in waves, mostly at night.

When your thoughts throughout the day are mostly, "I wish I wasn't so hungry," it doesn't afford you a lot of time to think about much else.

In a way, it's a good thing since he experiences a lot less stress. But those worries are still there and they mostly plague his dreams…

Beel doesn’t feel hungry when he's sleeping, so a lot of his fears will make themselves known overnight. An injured or dying MC is often in his rotation of nightmares though, of course, he'd rather it not be…

After having one of these dreams, his first instinct is to always make sure the MC is okay. If they're with him, he'll hug them and check their heartbeat. If they're somewhere else, he'll go to them or shoot a text.

He has woken up without realizing his nightmare was all a dream though, and usually it's up to Belphie or MC themselves to console him while he cries… It's so heartbreaking, sweet boy just puts a lot of pressure on himself to be sure they're safe…

When he worries, it's like they're the most beautiful and expensive China set in a room full of bulls and hammers. If he could tape them to his side, he probably would. He gets scared for them that much…

Belphegor 

More scared about it than anyone else in the House.

Despite his calm demeanor, Belphie is truly afraid of losing his loved ones beneath the surface… He's already lost one of his most dear siblings before, going through that again may just break him.

Unfortunately, he's also felt just how fragile the MC is firsthand... He's not even the strongest of his brothers, yet he was able to snuff them out so easily… Who's to say someone else won't try?

Like Beel, MC's death is a recurring nightmare for him but he can usually shake off his dreams fairly well, if not change them mid-sleep. More scary is when something is actually wrong with them or they're not feeling well.

Belphie always sets his inner laziness aside for the MC when he can. If they get sick, he'll usually be right along with his family to take care of them - even if he has to skip school to do so (not that he cares about class anyway).

When he's worrying about them, he tries to play it off at first, but soon enough they'll notice him acting overly concerned and losing sleep… Best to calm him down before he starts getting cranky.

[kobunnie]

why youd break up

ft. zhongli + childe + scaramouche

⤻ summary ; why you and the genshin boys would break up

⤻ word count ; 0.7k

⤻ genre ; angst

⤻ warnings ; lowercase intended, slight mention of death

⤻ pronouns ; none mentioned

⤻ a/n ; HI IM BACK HEHE im gonna be posting more because i really miss writing! dont forget to interact with me :) and yes, i made my amazing redebut with an angst piece, what about it?

ও enjoy <3

ZHONGLI had lived for far too long. he had experienced thousands of years worth of pain and suffering and death. and hed lost many people who had mattered to him. itd become to the point where zhongli was unsure hed ever be able to hold a long, committed, and meaningful relationship ever again. after all, he was a god, he would live forever. human lives, however, are fragile and zhongli would always outlive those who he cared about. that thought alone made it near impossible for him to allow himself to become so attached to others. but with you he had let his guard down. with you, he had betrayed all his senses and rational thoughts and fallen head over heels in love. but he knew deep down that that love could never last. he would remain as is while you would grow older and eventually leave the world. it was selfish, but zhongli didnt believe he could experience that pain. not again. hed stay and youd die in his arms. he couldnt allow that to happen though he knew itd be inevitable. it was an out of character, selfish action, but zhongli could only blame himself. affer all, had he been more careful and not fallen for you then he wouldnt have had to break your heart in the first place.

the fatui were by no means good people. in fact, it couldve been argued that they were some of the worst people in teyvat. but there was something about them that had always fascinated you. they were always determined and could make any of their goals become reality. but the one fatui member who had always captured your attention the most was none other than the eleventh of the fatui harbingers, CHILDE. childe himself wasnt very into the whole relationship scene and had never truly been with another person. sure, he could be confident in himself and was not afraid to be with another but such a thought had never really crossed his mind before. even when you had confessed to him, hed been surprised and at first unsure. caring for another person that was not his family while having a full time job with the fatui harbingers was sure to be difficult. but childe had studied you and thought to himself, what could be the harm? unfortunately, his inexperience in such a field would be the downfall. childes natural tendency was to put his family and the fatui first. however, you were neither. at first the relationship was good, healthy. but as it carried on you realized where childes priorities were. you just werent that high up on it. not only did it seem at times that he never truly cared for you, but you could never match the importance of his siblings and even the fatui. tired of being pushed aside, you couldnt stay in that relationship with him. so you left.

it was unnatural and unthinkable for someone like SCARAMOUCHE to ever be in a romantic relationship with another person. but somehow, you had managed to attract the harbinger in such a way. and somehow, the two of you had even managed to hold a romantic relationship together. though neither of you had expected it nor been very experienced in that field at all. scaramouche had always been a bit of a flakey boyfriend, the type of person to totally ignore you and disappear for days then suddenly appear at your door. eventually, it became to the point where youd only ever be excited when you knew that it was a good day to be with scaramouche. hed go back to you when itd be a hard day and youd be only happy around him on those days. hed rely on you to always be there for him no matter how long hed been away for. and youd come to look forward to those days, to rely on him to hold you those few and inconsistent times hed arrive at your house. the two of you were hardly in a relationship at all, to be honest. the two of you were more like your own therapists. and deep down, you knew that that wasnt healthy. and deep down, you knew youd have to end it. but how hard itd be, to leave your rock—the one person you trusted more than yourself. but you had to for the better health of yourself and scaramouche. maybe you two would find yourselves back with each other when you two were in better places. of course, only if it was meant to be.

[watiamdoingwithmylife666]

Hello !! I saw your Headcanon for Aot and I thought about how they would react if the reader (their s/o) saved their life ! Like for once they are the one needed to be saved and you save the day and all ! thank youuu !

Hii, I did my best, i hope you like it!

Warning: grammar error / curse?

Eren

Knowing Eren as much as you do make you always looking after him. And it has been useful a lot of time. But this time even more. You were together wandering in the city during your day off. Everything was fine, both of you were enjoying the sunny day. But that's until a group of men jumps on you and tried to put Eren in the back of the cart that pulls over a little bit further. You quickly fight back and manage to overcome two of them. After that You rush by Eren's side who was struggling to fight back against three other guys, together you briefly knock those guys before escaping in a hurry.

When you finally get back to the survey corp, you go warn the captain about what happened in the city. It's only after that you could have some peaceful time with Eren to talk about what happened.

"Thanks... For... You know, what you did. Thank you."

Jean

It's not unusual that you save Jean, or Jean saves you. You two are always here to save the ass of the other. Always grateful, he mostly repays you with extra food or doing a chore that you really don't want to do. But on a particular expedition, when things were heat, you didn't saw Jean anywhere in the field. The stress took over you and your eyes are scanning the area for more information. That's when you finally get your eyes on him that your heart dropped. Jean was in a bad state, you did as fast as you could to get him and bring him to the infirmary. He did lose a lot of blood, but he wasn't in danger anymore.

You decided to stay by his side the whole afternoon, you needed to be sure he was okay. So when he woke up, you had a big smile on your face, and he smiled back at you. Jean wanted to talk but his mouth was dried, you had to make him drank some water before he could finally talk.

"Damn, if I knew they had a pretty nurse here I would have come more often" you laugh at his remark, he was always playing the tough guy, even when he was hurt. "Thank you. You saved me again, it's like what? 7 for you and ... 5 for me?" He laughs but he looked sad now. "Maybe I'm not made for the survey corps... You gonna get tired to save my life when I can't even do it by myself..."

Sasha

Not that much to say, she will be grateful would do the same for you anytime. The situation doesn't even matter, if you save her, her eyes gonna be quickly wet and she will cry saying thank you for what you did. But don't hope that she will give you any food as a gift.

"Thank you! thank you so much! I always knew you were the best here!"

Mikasa

Mikasa was surrounded by titans, I mean everybody was in a difficult situation. But when you saw Mikasa in danger your blood run cold and join her in the middle of her surrounding. She was yelling at you to go away, that she can totally handle it on her own. But there is no way you leave her side. Slicing Titan's naps, again and again, You probably never killed that many titans in so little time, but the fact that Mikasa was in danger made you turn in the best soldier mode. Finally, when the danger was away from the two of you, you didn't take time to talk, other comrades needed your help right now. It's only on your way back that you felt something off. Most of the time, if it's not every time; Mikasa asked you if you are okay, or if you had been hurt. But not this time. She's next to you on her horse, but she doesn't look at you not even a glance. She's looking straightforward and that's all.

That's only later that day, just after diner, that your silent treatment was ending. She sat on her bed and asked you to sit next to her. She finally talked

"What you did today... It scared me. I thought I'd lose you, but you need to understand! I can't lose you! If you had been hurt today, it would have been because of me, and I couldn't handle the fact that I failed to protect you."

Levi

He would be so pissed off. His ego would be the problem. But he will never show you that. He gonna keep to himself the fact that you had to save him because he was careless, and he gonna be even rougher on himself with the training because that means he fails his team.

The situation would have happened outside of the wall, in the forest, where everyone was separated, and when everything gets overwhelming for everyone including you and Levi. It's not that he never face that many enemies at the same time. It's mostly because he was far too much tired, this boy didn't sleep well for a long time plus he was fighting all day. He was pushing his luck too far, and that is why you kept an eye on him, in case of something dramatic happened you could be there for him. And you were right. Too many things happened at the same time. That's how Levi didn't saw a titan behind him and kept fighting until he catches a glance at you at full speed coming near him. The look that crosses his face the moment he realizes what you did. His heart stopped for a second.

"thank you."

But even after saying thank you, when you get back home at the SC, he would asked you if he can offer a cup of tea as a thank.

"Thank you again Y/N, you fought well."

Erwin

This bitch had the audacity to say that he can be replaced. So let take this scene. Erwin just gave the order to charge and save Eren, the titan bite his arm, and you immediately turn over to follow him telling everyone that you're going to save him. Following him, you can see that he managed to get away from the titan. He was now yelling at you that you disobey, that you put yourself in danger for him, and that it was stupid. But before he could finish, some titans approach the two of you real quick making Erwin fall. You put yourself between him and the threat just in time, cutting the naps of any titans coming nearby your commander. As soon as possible you help Erwin to get back on his horse and do the same; Calling for retreat You keep an eye on him the whole way back within the wall. You can clearly see he doesn't feel good. His face is vivid, his eyes grow tired. So you're going with Erwin on his horse. The commander is big and you have some difficulties keeping him straight, you can feel his body becoming heavier the more you advance. You talk to him, ask him to not fall asleep, and he swears he does his best, but the rush of adrenaline that kept him awake fades with time.

Later that week, when you can finally see him you rush to his room. Levi just left, leaving you and the commander alone. He doesn't say a word at first, but when he finally breaks the silence he breaks your heart with it.

"I had time to think in this state. A part of me wants to say thank you for what you did. You fought well, kept me in security, and even took care of bringing me back... But it was stupid. You put yourself in danger for me when I am nothing more than your commander. Eren was in danger, and our best chance for the future, he was the best option to save. Not me, not after leading so many peoples to their death."

Miche

He has been in a difficult situation, but this time he was wondering how he could possibly survive. His squad and he had been separated. He was now alone smelling like two or three titans coming right in his direction. And the cherry on top, he was on the verge to running of out of gas. He can't see any of his comrades anywhere, his brain shows every possibilities. But the best is still going away by horse and try to find other soldiers. And luckily on his way, he crosses your path and feels relief. A part of him was scared that something happened to you. But just when he sighed, an abnormal titan runs straight to you. Both of you are now ready to fight and when you engage it the titan grabs Miche's wire. With its other hand, the titan grabs Miche's body and brings it to its mouth. But just before the worst happens you slice the nape and catch Miche before he gets crushed by the titan's body.

"It was close... Thank you y/n... Without you, I would have probably not made it alive."

Hange

Oh, welcome to the club, Moblit is the president of the club. Hange is reckless inside the wall when they do their experiments. But outside it's a little bit different. They're more aware of their surrounding. Saving them would happen quite some times. But this time was out of the ordinary. During the first test of the thunder spear, Hange was dangerously close to the spear. Moblit was yelling, as usual, to put some distance with the explosive. But as expected Hange didn't listen. And the spear was just a prototype, at this time, explode. Thank god you were fast, jumping on Hange to take them further. Their eyes were wide open, their look fulls of guiltiness. Moblit joins the two of you quick, asking if any of you had been hurt.

"I am so sorry Y/N, really! I put you in unnecessary danger, I hope you are okay? did you get hurt? Let me take you to the infirmary just in case, please!"

Moblit

Oh sorry, you thought you could save him? This boy is not a titan nor an Ackerman. But he doesn't need that. He is the assistant of Hange, what are you expecting from him? He doesn't need "instinct" like Levi or Mikasa. He got Anxiety, that far better. Every worst scenario happens? He already had them in his mind. The only thing that gets him, it if HE decides to. (like sacrifice himself for hange)

But if you happen to save his ass. Damn he gonna be grateful.

"I am really sorry Y/N, I've been careless. I hope you are not mad at me. I'm so grateful you were here it could have been disastrous... Thank you so much."

Kenny

Kenny and you know each other, not even for illegal things, you just happened to meet him and be nice to him that you became some kind of ... Friends? I mean you don't know shit about his life but it's the same for him. So friends is probably a big word.

But the time you saved him... You didn't really do it on purpose. His squad was at Trost and yours too. He was chasing after a bad guy (how ironic) and you were chasing after a group of people that stole something from the SC. You were running on the roofs using your equipment to go faster. You did not notice on your peripheral vision another group of persons using ODM, no your mind thought it was your squad. So, when a guy appears on the other side pointing a gun in your direction, you didn't think twice. Firing your ODM hook in his leg, before kicking him in the face. But that when you realize. The people approaching weren't your squad. Those were complete strangers.

" Y/N ? What the Fuck are you doing here ?!" you knew this voice and you jump to see his face.

"what? I fucking saved your life, the least you can do is to say thank you! "

"YOU WHAT ? You didn't do shit!"

"This bullet was meant for YOU!"

"You can't prove that, i'm not saying thank you."

[lubdubsworld]

物の哀れ ( ‘the sadness of things’.)

Characters : Alpha! Jungkook x Omega ! OC.

Genre : Arranged Marriage / Temporary contractual Marriage.

Warnings : Non- Con/ Extremely Dubious Consent . High functioning alcoholism. Genre related consent issues. Implied suicidal thoughts.

Summary : A recently widowed Jungkook agrees to a contract marriage to keep his company afloat. His grief overwhelms him and it is hard to look at his new wife as anything other than an intruder .

[  Author’s Note :  物の哀れ ~ Mono no aware can be translated as ‘the sadness of things’. It comes from the words 物 (mono – thing) and 哀れ (aware – poignancy or pathos). The ‘sadness’ in question comes from an awareness of the transience of things, as taught by Zen Buddhism. When we view something exceptionally beautiful, we might feel sad because we know it won’t stay so beautiful forever – but appreciation only heightens the pleasure we take in the beautiful thing in that moment. ]

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Chapter 3

“Yoongi left a bunch of painkillers for you. He said you can take up to three per day.” Jin said calmly , carefully slipping the sleeves of my t shirt over my wrist as i held my arms out for him. He slipped the shirt over my head gently but his arms hit my shoulders, jostling me.   I swallowed the whimper of pain that shot through me at the movement. Mina was now awake, happily wiggling around on her rocker. 

It was a little past seven in the evening and Jungkook wasn’t due to arrive for another hour . 

“I could sleep on a bed of rusty nails right now. I’m so tired and i don’t know why. “ I whispered, staying still as he carefully drew the fabric down over my ribs, before stepping back. 

“I’ll sleep in the nursery with her. You should take the bed. You’re in no shape to be up and taking care of her when she wakes up. Jungkook’s asked me to stay here during the day because I’m not going to be performing for a couple months anyway and I’ve been losing my mind, rattling around that huge ass mansion all by myself. ” 

The phone rang, startling both of us. 

I groaned before moving to get up but Jin oppa held a hand up.

“Stay in bed. I’ll go see who it is.” 

I watched him disappear out of the room, settling back against the pillows and reaching for the ice pack in the small cooler by the bed. I had to ice my ribs every hour or so and while it didn’t seem to be helping much, I definitely appreciated the temporary numbness it offered. 

Jungkook’s guilt had driven a new wedge between us and he hadn’t so much as looked at me in three days. 

I wasn’t sure entirely if this was a good or bad thing. The fact that he seemed to be considering that he had to get his emotions under control to stop hurting the people around him was a welcome change. But the idea of going back to being ignored and treated like furniture , wasn’t really all that appealing. 

“Jungkook’s parents are on the way.” Jin’s voice broke through my reverie and i jumped. 

I resisted the urge to sob out loud . 

Mr and Mrs. Jeon were on the opposite side of the grief spectrum and just as annoying. 

Where Sooah’s parents were intent on making Jungkook remember their daughter as often as possible, Jungkook’s parents were intent on making him forget her. 

The only thing the two of them had in common was a burning hatred for me. 

Jungkook’s parents had wanted him to quit the company and sell it when it went into loss but Jungkook had categorically refused because that would result in all of his employees getting laid off, and back then Jungkook had been nothing if not ridiculously compassionate. Jungkook’s parents firmly believed that if it hadn’t been for me, their son would be back in Busan, letting them raise their granddaughter. 

“Great, that’s great. Did you tell them their son is not around?” I grimaced. I’d only met them three times in total and the last time was in the hospital two months ago when Jungkook had crashed in the middle of a board meeting, weeks of starving and dehydration catching up to him. It hadn’t been a pleasant experience, getting cursed out in front of the doctors and nurses and it probably won’t be any fun in the privacy of my home either. 

Jin gave me a sympathetic smile. 

“He’s already told them he’s on the way. I’m going to take Mina out on a walk. Give you guys some privacy. Shoot me a text when they leave.” he said gently. 

“Can’t I come with?” I begged and he laughed. 

“That would be a bad idea, even if it weren’t for the cracked rib. Just relax. Smile and nod and let them spew whatever nonsense they want and then they’ll leave. ” 

I opened my mouth to tell him how many flaws there were in his plan when the doorbell rang. 

“And that’s my cue. Text me, yeah?” Jin moved to pick Mina up from the rocker before reaching for the baby carrier on the table. 

I debated the pros and cons of staying in bed and finally decided against it, gently throwing my legs off the edge and raising myself up to a sitting position. I heard vague voices by the front door, Jin’s sweet tones mingling with Jungkook’s slightly gruffer ones. 

I heard the door close and the stillness of the apartment was as oppressing as ever. I could hear him quite clearly though. The clink of the keys as they hit the bowl, the small click of the door as he locked it. 

i could imagine him, exhausted from the day’s work, briefcase held in one hand while the other tugged on the knot of his tie. 

I imagined for a second, what it must have been like for him with Sooah. She was a bright , incredibly cheerful person. Everyone kind of faded into the background when she was around. Sooah had always been the first to smile at a stranger, the first to laugh even if the joke wasn’t funny. The first one to stand up to help someone in need. 

I swallowed, clutching the sheets to ground myself. 

I guessed that she must’ve always rushed to greet him at the door. I could imagine him wrapping both arms around her waist, drawing her into a hug or even a kiss. 

 How was your day, Kookie?  (I’d heard her call him that, once when they had been at my father’s house for a charity dinner. )

I wondered if perhaps the very sight of her would have taken away all of the day’s exhaustion from him. Perhaps, he would forget all the ways his company had been failing back then at the sight of her beautiful laughing face. Perhaps losing his company hadn’t been as terrifying as losing his job.  

And perhaps once he lost her, he just couldn’t bear the thought of losing his life’s work too. And so he’d agreed to meet my father’s demands. 

My fingers began trembling a bit .

I could imagine her moving around the house, pregnant and glowing, laughing as he nuzzled into the curve of her belly. Had he perhaps pressed his lips to her skin, whispered sweet endearments to his daughter through the fabric of his wife’s clothes? Had he perhaps loved Mina, deeply? WAs it just his grief that made it hard to be near his wife. Or was it perhaps me? Me holding the baby that should have been in his beautiful wife’s arms. 

The wife he had been so madly, deeply in love with. 

Love, I thought vacantly.

It wasn’t something I had ever felt, for anyone until I’d began caring for Mina.

But what Jungkook had with his wife was something different wasn’t it? 

The love a man had for a woman. Laced with desire, longing and passion. A love that made you put their happiness over your own.  

Love like that had never been in the cards for me. 

Ever

I was an Omega. Rare and hated and known for being selfish and greedy. People didn’t love my kind. They avoided me. They always assumed I would take advantage of them. My peers growing up had treated me with so much contempt. 

 The girls would whisper how I was trying to seduce their boyfriends. The boys would call me a tease, even when I stayed far away and did nothing to attract their attention. I’d gotten used to it. It didn’t bother me. it was the way of the world for me. Ad it wasn’t like I could honestly deny some of it. 

I looked at handsome alphas and wanted them. I wanted to be held and cherished. To be bought pretty things and cared for. It had taken decades for me to beat that part of mine into submission. To remind myself that if I ever let that part of me out, it would destroy me. 

But love? Being in love with someone? 

I didn’t know what that could have been like for Jungkook. 

Or maybe I had but I couldn’t recognize it because I’d never received it myself. Whatever the cause, it was for me, a fairytale. It was hard to imagine people loving each other so much, to the extent that they would die for each other. ( Jungkook’s words still hung in the back of my mind : that he had wanted to follow her even in death ) 

Jungkook was right.

I could never know what his loss was like. 

Because I would never know what he had lost. 

It felt a little like being dipped in an ice cold lake in the middle of winter. My skin broke out in shivers, hair standing on end and I felt my throat go dry so swiftly. I’d never wanted to run away so much. I wrapped a hand sound myself, scooting back on the bed again. I reached for the blanket, wanting to pull it over my head and curl into a ball. 

Shut out the world and all the things that didn’t make sense. 

“Are you alright?” Jungkook’s voice broke through the haze in my head and I swallowed. He had an alpha’s voice and my body responded even if my mind resisted. It didn’t happen all the time. Jungkook couldn’t control me. But sometimes when I was feeling vulnerable, instincts took over . I was already dropping the blanket and smiling softly.

“Mina’s out for a walk.” I croaked out, surprised at how awful my voice sounded. 

I felt the press of something against my fingers and I blinked, staring at the glass of water Jungkook was pressing into my hand.

“Don’t worry, I called them and told them not to come over.” He said quietly , watching me drink with still trembling fingers. 

I swallowed and stared at him. 

“I... Thank you. “ I said fervently, feeling a few knots come undone in my gut. I couldn’t really stand up to Jungkook’s parents the way I did with Sooah’s parents. Because Jungkook loved them deeply and hurting them would be the same as hurting him. 

“There’s a party in a couple of days. It’s my birthday. I’m turning 34.  Yugyeom’s organizing the whole thing, so I’m going to hire a babysitter for Mina, because Jin hyung will be there too and you need help caring for her anyway. You can stay home and rest. ” he said . 

I scoffed. 

“I’m going to come with you.” I said firmly. 

Jungkook frowned. 

“What?” 

I glared at him. 

“I’m not letting you go to a party organized by your shit for brains friend, Jungkook. You’ll probably end up getting drunk out of your mind and killing someone and I’m not going to hang around to clean that up. I’m coming to that party and I’m making sure you don’t have more than one drink.  “

Jungkook’s frown deepened into a scowl. 

Did you ever look at your wife , like this? With so much loathing? I thought stupidly. Or did she only ever get to see the sweet and wonderful side of you? Did she ever annoy you the way i seem to every second of the damn day ? Did you hate certain things about her too? Or was she so perfect that you could only feel love ? 

“ I can take care of myself. Its my birthday , I can do whatever the fuck I want.“ He snapped. 

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. 

“Not unless you’re a five year old kid in the sandpit, which you’re not. You’re an adult and when you make stupid decisions as an adult, very real people end up paying for it. You’re old enough to know this Jungkook and for once, just listen to me. You can drink, fine. But I’m going to be there and if I see that you’re getting drunk, I’m going to bring you home. You either agree or I’m going to call Yoongi oppa .” 

That made him pause. 

“Fine. Fuck you.” He snapped, turning on his heel and stalking out of the room. A few seconds later I heard the door to the shower slam shut.  

 I wanted to follow him and shake some sense into him but before I could decide if it was worth jostling my body, when another sharp pain lanced through my ribs.

Oh great. 

I took deep breaths the way Yoongi had taught me. Apparently, pneumonia was a thing that could happen, so i had to breath carefully to reduce the risk of that happening. 

The birthday party organized by Yugyeom was going to be a whole entire migraine inducing disaster. I could already feel the headache come on. It still amazed me that Jungkook was friends with him and his cronies. 

Yugyeom and his friends were the typical; brain dead alphas who thought themselves superior to all other ranks. Even worse, they viewed omegas as objects: fucktoys to be more precise and I bristled when i remembered the way he had always stared at me. 

Well, if he stepped anywhere near me, I would kick him in the teeth. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Jungkook’s mother turned up at home the next day, I wasn’t entirely surprised. I wasn’t surprised but it didn’t make things any more pleasant. 

“We’re willing to take Mina for a couple of days if you would both need time to prepare for the party. This is the first big event Jungkook’s holding after Sooah’s passing and we want it to be perfect. As his wife, i hope you’ll do your part.” 

Mrs Jeon’s pinched face did nothing for my already frayed temper. 

“There’s not much i can do with a cracked rib, mother.” I said politely. It stung, having to call this bitter, cruel woman mother but then, such was life. It was late afternoon and Jungkook was probably sitting in the comfort of his air conditioned office, being flattered and doted on by his smitten secretary while I sat here entertaining his vicious mother. 

“Nonsense, you’ve probably just scratched it. I know how you omegas like to exaggerate. “ she waved off my injury easily. “ There are so many details that need to be decided on and its unfair to drop all of those responsibilities on poor yugyeom’s head. Why don’t you go with him and help out a bit?” 

The idea of going anywhere with Kim Yugeom was easily the most repugnant thing to me. 

“I’m sure he knows Jungkook much better than I do. If i interfered, I’d only be getting in his way.” I said politely. 

Mrs. Jeon hummed.

“Well, its good that he’s agreed to the party at least. That woman never let him meet with Yugyeom or his friends when she was around.”

That woman being Jungkook’s late wife. 

I felt a sudden fondness for her. Clearly she had also recognized Yugyeom for the absolute pig that he was and kept her husband away from his rotten influence . But unlike with her, Jungkook didn’t actually care about me. So I had no way of stopping him from meeting the idiots. Yugyeom’s family was rich and reputed and it was clear that the Jeons wanted the friendship and the connection. Why else would they keep pushing for it so much?

“Is there any particular reason you’re here, mother?” I said finally, after hearing her babble on and on about caterers and invitations and what not. 

“I was hoping to meet Mina...why isn’t she here?” 

“I’m not able to care for her well, what with the rib. The doctor has advised me to rest so Jin oppa takes care of her during the day. Jungkook picks her back up on his way back from office. I can send her over to your place with him this weekend.” 

“That would be fine i suppose. Have you spoken to the decorators about changing the portraits put up in the house?”

I blinked.

“Sorry?”

“The penthouse, we’ve got it back now right? why don’t you move there. We have a cook and a housekeeper .”]

“this is closer to Jungkook’s office.” I had no idea where the penthouse was and could only hope it was farther way. 

Mrs. Jeon frowned. 

“This apartment is too small. Not to mention, you still have Sooah’s photos everywhere in this place. Surely that’s not healthy. Get rid of them and put up pictures of you and Jungkook.” 

Jungkook’s parents didn’t know that our marriage had an expiry date. i wasn’t sure if this was a good or bad thing. But they saw me as nothing more than a way to get rid of Sooah from the deepest recesses of Jungkook’s mind. 

“I’m sure, with time...Jungkook can make that decision by himself. When he’s ready for it.” I said gently, beginning the fresh throb of pain near my temple. 

“Nonsense, Heejin. Men won’t ever move on until you force them. Have you considered getting  pregnant?” 

I jumped about a foot into the air.

“I...what.” I croaked out. 

“You need a child too. He mated you. He owes you that. I’m going to tell him that he better do his duty by you.” She said firmly. 

“Please don’t.” I shouted, stunned out of my mind. Was this woman even sane?

“Why not?” She frowned looking at me like i was the one being unreasonable. 

 Why not? Because its barely been four months since he lost his wife of seven years to childbirth. Surely, you don’t think the remedy to that is to have him go through it all over again. 

 “ Mina is still small, mother. I’m sure we can wait a while. Maybe after she’s one or two.” 

 Jungkook would probably move on by then. Of course he would. Grief was overwhelming but it was also finite. It did get smaller over time. Easier to cope with. Jungkook would eventually be able to navigate his life around his grief. He would learn to make new connections and who was to say one of those wouldn’t be a compatible match? 

So two years from now, there was no reason Jungkook shouldn’t meet another lovely woman, a beta maybe and eventually expand his family. Of course i would be nowhere in the picture at the time. But that was fine. 

I remembered something I’d read somewhere, a while back. 

 If two people are like ships that pass in the night, they meet by chance for a short time , then do not see each other ever again. 

Like ships passing by each other in the night,  I reminded myself. That's what Jungkook and I were. 

“Well, if you think that’s wise.... fine. But now that Jungkook’s doing well, why don’t you entertain people more often? You haven’t had a dinner party here yet, have you?”

And so it went on, over an over for a whole two hours until I was wrung out from sheer exhaustion, my head throbbing and nails having dug half moon indents into my palms from fisting my hands too hard. 

By the time i finally closed the door on her face, I couldn’t help but sag against the door, sinking to the floor in a heap, cracked rib be damned. 

I glanced up at the solo portrait on the wall. The one my mother in law had wanted gone. 

“She must’ve really hated you, huh?” I said casually pulling myself up to my feet and moving to the dining space to stare at her face more closely. 

She was dressed in her wedding gown, a fitted mermaid dress with lace and satin detailing. She had a bouquet of white lilies in one hand, elbows bent and the blooms resting on her shoulder while her other hand curved around her slender waist. 

Beautiful was an understatement, I thought vacantly. 

“ You look like you didn’t put up with people’s bullshit. That’s cool I guess.” I smiled a little. “ You know in another world, we may have been friends.” 

I bit my lips.

“Yugyeom was shitty to you too huh? He seems the type. i’m glad you kept Jungkook away from him. I wish you’d somehow help get him away again. He doesn’t listen to me. Thinks I’m trying to control him or something. ”

It was ridiculous. What was i doing.. Why was i talking to a framed picture on the wall. God.

But now that I’d started, I couldn’t quite stop.

“About what happened with Jungkook... I don’t want you to think i was seducing him or anything. And when i said that I hated him calling your name when we... well you know why i said it right? It wasn’t anything personal...i was just pissed. I don’t enjoy the sex by the way... I don’t think he does either but he’s an alpha and you know how it is…they need that release or they kind of lose their mind .. So trust me we both hate the principle of it.... but at least he cums and well I don’t. He’s never made me cum. That should say something about how we feel about each other.......”

“Uh.. Should I come back later?” The voice near the doorway was so unexpected my heart jumped right to my throat and I screamed, stumbling a bit to the side.

Min Yoongi stood framed by the door, one hand wrapped around a bouquet of flowers and the other clutching his bag and stethoscope. He still had his white coat on over his shirt and slacks, hair mussed like he’d run his finger through it.

It took me a second to remember that Yoongi had a key to the house.

Another second to remember exactly what I’d been doing when he came inside.

Good God.

Had he heard the part where I’d talked about Jungkook not making me cum? Surely not? Oh Please no. 

“Jungkook told me to check on you. That you couldn’t sleep last night? Are you in a lot of pain?” 

Jungkook and I had shared the bed in his room last night and I had apparently, tossed and turned and whimpered through the night in pain. Or so Jungkook claimed. 

“Uh... I’m not sure. He said so... so..” 

“you guys sleep together right?” Yoongi asked casually, taking his coat off. I stared at the way the material of the shirt strained over his shoulders, my throat just a little dry. 

Yoongi smelled so ridiculously good. He was a doctor and he was so handsome and kind to me. The attraction would have been there even if i had been a beta but as an omega, the urge to just fling myself at him and beg him to make me his, it was kind of horrifying. 

Tamping down that part of me, I gave him a casual shrug, heart still pounding. 

“Yeah. There’s just two bedrooms here and one is Mina’s nursery. So ...” I finished awkwardly, watching him move around and place his bag on the table before unwinding the stethoscope, placing it around his collar. 

He gave me a small smile. 

“I’ll just take a quick look and check how your breathing sounds. that okay?” He asked gently. 

“Oh... sure. You need me to take my shirt off?” I asked curiously. 

He gave me a quick little smirk. 

“Not for medical reasons no.” He winked. 

I felt blood rush to my face along with guilt. What was I doing? This was Jungkook’s best friend!! His hyung. Someone he trusted and I was his....

His what? 

Nothing. I was Jungkook’s nothing. When was the last time someone had flirted with me . Someone who wasn’t a grade A creep. 

Yoongi moved closer, sitting down on the kitchen stool and beckoned me to come stand between his thighs. i moved, achingly aware of how much more potent his scent was up close. He looked up at me through sooty black lashes, a small smirk on his lips, feline eyes warm and open . 

“Put your hands on my shoulders, yeah?” He prompted. 

I hesitated, fingers shaking just a little before reaching out to rest on this shirt. I kept the touch feather light , the softness of his shirt the only thing I could feel.

He hummed and bending  down to lightly tug the hem of my shirt out of the waistline of my jeans. I bit my lips to stop myself from squirming. 

He glanced up , eyes meeting mine and holding my gaze. 

“You good?” 

“Uhuhbuh.” I stuttered and he grinned wider, pulling the fabric up to the curve of my breasts. He lightly ran his finger tips over the bruised skin , humming thoughtfully .

“You’ll be fine in a few weeks. Hang on.” He pulled back, plugging the steth in his hear before holding the other end up to my chest. He pressed it against my skin, just before the underwire of my bra and it was unexpectedly cold .

I jumped, fingers curling on his shoulder and squeezing down. 

“Hey.. what’s wrong?” Yoongi whispered, hands reaching for my waist, gently holding me steady and I flushed. He looked genuinely worried , lips turned down and brows furrowed and i felt absolutely stupid. 

“Sorry. Sorry.... It’s nothing.. i just.. it’s a little cold.” I laughed nervously and his gaze softened. 

One hand still curved around my waist, he brought the diaphragm up to his mouth, holding my gaze as he gently breathed warm air all over it. 

My throat went instantly dry and i had to swallow. He pressed it against my chest again and this time it was so much warmer. .

“Better?” He prompted and i nodded, guilt and discomfort churning in my stomach. What was i doing? I had no business indulging him. i had no business indulging any man. Ever.

 I looked away, pulling my hands up off his shoulder, pushing his hand off my hip as well . He didn’t say anything his shoulders stiffened at the subtle rejection. 

A mantle of awkward tension settled over us, a small thundercloud of regret and that threatened to rain misery all over us. I wanted to kick myself.  He was older than Jungkook by four years. Thirty eight years old. 

Did he have a girlfriend? Oh god, what if he was martried?

Nausea threatened. 

“Your breathing sounds fine. Are you practicing those breathing exercises , I taught you?” He asked casually and I nodded . I couldn’t trust myself to speak. 

“Hey...” He said gently and I flinched. 

“I’m sorry.” I blurted out. “ I didn’t mean to lead you on or tease you in any way and I’m sorry if i came on to you ...”

“What?! Heejin, stop. That’s bullshit. You never did any such thing. This was all me.” He said firmly. 

I stared at him.

“I know you’re married but... your marriage, its going to end right? Eventually.” 

I made to step back but he grabbed my waist again, this time a few inches over my jean and his fingers on the bare skin of my midriff made me want to melt. He had long slender fingers, a surgeons hands, and the press of it on my skin felt so foreign and gentle and different and good. 

“We don’t have to do anything. I just... I thought we could get to know each other. Over coffee or dinner.”

I wanted to sob at the unfairness of it all.

Because Yoongi was beautiful and handsome and so good and so much more than I could ever even dream of,  but he was and would always be so intricately woven with Jungkook and with Jungkook’s life. And I couldn’t imagine anything more messy than sticking around and watching Jungkook and his daughter forget me and move on.

“It’s.... probably a terrible idea. “ I said roughly, shaking my head. “ Its the kind of idea that would never end well.” 

“Are you sure? Because unlike Jungkook, i could probably make you cum.” He winked and I felt my face flame red. 

“Oh God...” I hissed, stumbling back. This time he let me move away, merely chuckling and reaching for his coat and bag . 

“I won’t bother you again. But the offer’s always open, yeah?” He smiled again. “ You need me to send over more pain meds?”

I shook my head mutely, begging him to just leave already. 

He nodded and held his hand up in a casual wave before walking out of the door. I collapsed on the stool and dropped my head into my arms , groaning. 

What had i gotten myself into. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I didn’t actually see Jungkook for a couple of days. The meds knocked me out and he worked overtime, only arriving after I’d slept off and leaving before i woke up. Jin brought Mina around everyday and there was something absolutely exhilarating about watching her clutch at her little teething toys and rattles, gummy smile peeking out every few minutes. 

On a whim, i told Jin what had happened with Yoongi and much to my surprise he actually laughed. 

“About time . He’s been pining for what three years now?” 

I gaped at him, completely thrown.

“I..he.. what.” I couldn’t quite wrap my mind around what I had heard. 

“He saw you at that art exhibition you put up in the Hyatt . By the way, don’t you paint anymore?”

I flushed. 

I had no proper response to that. What could i say? That my painting had just been yet another way to control me, only appreciated by father when he could use it to make more money. And that part of my marriage contract included that I wouldn’t paint or make any money off my art for the duration that I stayed with Jungkook. 

It was just yet another way my father reminded me that he controlled him. I didn’t fight him because he would win anyway. And the only thing he loved more than controlling people was winning battles that were always rigged in his favor. i wouldn’t give him that satisfaction. I would soldier through this awful marriage and at the end of it , i would disappear without a trace. 

I shook my head vaguely and Jin hummed. 

“Yoongi doesn’t understand art but he hung around the entire nine hours , morning to night . Three whole days of him just pretending to look at the artwork while secretly making moon eyes at you.”

I could only stare in sheer disbelief. 

“i... i never knew.” 

“How could you? Yoongi’s idea of courting is pretending he doesn’t exist and fading into the background. “ Jin rolled his eyes. “ He tried approaching your father to officially court you but your old man shut that down rather brutally.” 

I swallowed . 

“I... I’m sorry.” i said feeling foolish. Three years...what? I couldn’t think beyond the shock of the information. 

“Does Jungkook know?” I asked , scared. 

Jin shook his head.

“Like I said Yoongi never made it known . He was afraid it would make life difficult for you. He didn’t want any rumors around because everyone knew your father was looking to offer you to someone rich and young. Yoongi was what , fifteen years older? That’s quite a difference.”

“Thirty eight isn’t old.” I said sharply and Jin’s brow went up. 

“Oh?” He questioned teasingly and I flushed. 

“Jungkook is eleven years older. What’s another four more years?” I shrugged.

“You’re interested then.” Jin said thoughtfully. I recoiled, shaking my head quickly.

“I...what? No. No I’m not. “ 

“Why not? If it isn’t the age, then there’s no reason  to say no. Yoongi is handsome , settled and a great guy all around and besides,  your time with Jungkook is finite right?” 

“I... I won’t cheat on him.” I said firmly. “ i can’t... I... besides, Jungkook and I... we’re... we have sex.” My ears turned red, “ I can’t do that with two guys... I’m not like that. “ 

Jin nodded.

“Its alright.. Heejinah ...I’m sorry if i pressured you or anything. You don’t have to do anything. I know you have a lot on your plate right now. Yoongi probably got carried away . More than likely he’s going to panic and avoid you for a year just to recover.” He laughed and I smiled reluctantly. 

“He’s nice I don’t want to hurt him. “ I said softly. 

“ Sometimes that’s just inevitable . People get hurt no matter what we choose.” Jin gave me a sad little smile. “ Jungkook is just as nice a gy as Yoongi. If not better. He’s just...not in the right headspace to show that side of himself to you. I wish you’d known him before Sooah. He used to be this...playful and funny kid. We all went out of our way to keep him safe. Sooah was just as amazing. Usually , we try to find flaws in people our friends  date right? Well trust me Sooah was hard to dislike .” He laughed, eyes misting over as his gaze landed on her  portrait over the mantle. 

I followed his gaze and swallowed. 

“Do you think Jungkook will ever get over her?” I asked simply. 

Jin hesitated. 

“Someday? Probably yes. But it won’t be easy. He’s ... He feels things deeply. He always has. He loved her deeply, he cared for her deeply and so its only obvious that he’s going to feel the loss of her presence very deeply too.” 

I nodded. 

“Its his birthday tomorrow.” I said softly. “ I have a gift for him. Well its not a gift from me, but a gift nonetheless.  But I’m not sure if I should give it to him.” 

Jin gave me a surprised look. 

“What do you mean?” 

I smiled bitterly.

“Just that sometimes fate can be very cruel when it chooses its players. I’m forever wondering if he would be better off or worse without me in the picture and I just can’t decide.” 

“Different. He would just be different.” Jin said calmly. 

There was nothing else i could say to that. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yugyeom had rented out the rooftop restaurant in one of the poshest Hotels in Seoul and although the party was a pool party, I hadn’t bothered dressing for it. I wore a plain sequined top and burgundy skirt that fanned out around me knees. 

The place was teeming with people his age , friends acquaintances and business partners. The women had changed into bright , skimpy bikinis and lounged about in the brightly lit pool tossing a ball around .

The older people were being hosted by the Jeons on the lower level of the restaurant in a posh ballroom. Jungkook and i would have to visit them later but for now I was content sipping a mocktail, leaning against the bar while Hoseok and Lisa flanked me on either side, pointing out who was sleeping with who. 

Jungkook was in the pool with Yugyeom and Jimin and it was impossible to tear my eyes away from him. He looked happy almost, laughing and shaking water out of his hair as he moved around with the strength and agility of an Olympic athlete. Yoongi was in the pool as well and on the opposite team with Jin and Namjoon....and it was increasingly obvious that the half a dozen bikini clad women were there simply for an excuse to touch the handsome alphas as they worked up a sweat. 

“Jungkook is such a competitive bastard.” Hoseok laughed. “But I don’t know what’s gotten into Yoongi today. i can’t believe he’s in the pool. “

“Of his own volition. “ Lisa added. “ usually someone has to strip him and toss him in. 

Yoongi kept glancing at me every few minutes. It was impossible to miss. It was also impossible to miss that at least three of the six women in the pool were trying to get into his pants. 

I sighed and turned back to the bartender asking for a refill. when i turned back around, Jungkook and Yugyeom were climbing out of the pool and Jin was moving to the opposite side to take their place with Jimin. 

“Jungkook and i are going to go get a drink. Anything for you , beautiful?” Yugyeom reached out to touch me and I almost fell in my haste to get away from him. 

“Keep your hands off me.” I snapped . Jungkook frowned. 

“No need to be rude, Heejin , he was just being polite.” He said softly and i smelt the alcohol on his breath.

“Don’t drink too much Jungkook.”

“Oh come on, beautiful., Its his birthday let him live a little...” Yugyeom laughed and I glared at him.

“I’d rather have him live longer “ I snapped. “ And that can’t happen if you keep trying to give him alcohol poisoning.” 

Yugyeom rolled his eyes. 

“Is she always this dramatic, Jungkook-ah.” Yugyeom laughed. Jungkook didn’t laugh but he gave me a look that said, ‘ please don’t make a scene’ and I bit my lips. 

I didn’t want to ruin his night. He looked ....so close to a normal person tonight and whether I liked it or not Yugyeom had contributed to that. The music was apparently Jungkook’s favorites only, the pool because he loved volleyball in the water and the buffet had all his favorite foods. Yugyeom had gone out of his way to make the party perfect and i suddenly felt like the troll stomping on Jungkook’s happiness. 

Swallowing my own instinct to drag my husband away from the alpha who had his arms around him, I turned away and walked off to the pool. Yoongi’s face lit up when he saw me.

“Hey there, angel. Here to watch me kick some ass? “ He cupped his hands in the water, before tossing a handful of water at me. I blinked in surprise, laughing a little. 

“I’m just here to cheer Jin oppa. “ I said impishly, moving over to the lounge chair near his side of the pool. Yoongi’s pout was adorable and I couldn’t help but laugh. 

Maybe I could stop worrying about Jungkook for a while. Yugyeom wasn’t dangerous. Even if he got a little drunk, I was still here. So were all of our friends. 

It would be fine. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

it wasn’t fine. 

An hour later, I found Jungkook in a room filled with cigarette smoke and light music, yugeyom and his friends scattered around the place with a few beautiful women lounging about on their laps. 

“You said one drink Yugyeom...he’s completely out of his mind.” I said shrilly staring at where Jungkook sat on the couch , shirtless and laughing as some girl in a bikini ran her fingers up and down his arm. She had one leg draped over his thigh.  I felt sick at the very sight of it. 

its because he’s drunk ,  I told myself.  He’s drunk and can’t consent, that’s why you feel sick, nothing else.  

Yugyeom gave me an easy smile. 

“Guy just wants to have some fun. Reina’s a friend of mine. She’ll take good care of him don’t worry. She’s the birthday gift i got him. “ He leered. 

I resisted the urge to punch him in the face. 

Glaring at him, 

“Jungkook, we’re leaving. Come on.” I made to move towards him but a hand shot out, gripping my wrist like a vice. 

“Not so fast baby.... I already paid for her. You can’t just waltz in here and take away her livelihood.” He sneered. “ Unless you want to take her place. This is a special bar you know. All these lovelies, they have something in common with you.” 

I stared at him frowning.

“What does that mean?” 

“I hired them from an omega escort agency...you know because that’s all you omegas are useful for anyway.” 

I rolled my eyes, yanking on my wrist. 

“You and your medieval ideals can go to hell. I’m going home. Jungkook!!” I yelled again and this time Jungkook turned eyes landing on me. 

“Heejin?” He slurred. 

“We need to go home, Jungkook.” I said firmly. 

“Now?” He blinked. I nodded. 

“Yes now.” I made to move away but this time Yugyeom wrapped both arms around my waist, pinning me to his body. Pain , sharp and unbearable shot up my ribs and I whimpered. He was squeezing too hard and God what if the cracked rib just snapped? 

Panic began setting in and I yelped.

“Let me go you bastard.” I struggled to get away, staring in disbelief at my husband . 

Jungkook was standing but he swayed dangerously. There was no clarity there and his eyes were hooded. He was drunk. Really, really drunk. 

“Jungkook tell him to let me go!!” I yelled , trying to tamp down the panic that was rising up my throat. 

“Don’t worry Kook. Just gonna ask her to wait outside for a while. Why don’t you finish your conversation with Reina.. i’ll entertain your wife for a while.” He drawled and i felt my entire body go ice cold at that. 

Jungkook was blinking rapidly, the words clearly not registering and genuine terror began to bleed into my veins. Jungkook couldn’t even fathom that i was in genuine danger here, let alone help me. Oh God, why had i come alone? Where were the others??

Yugyeom held me tighter and i swallowed a groan . My ribs felt like they were on fire. 

“Let’s take this somewhere private, Heejin?” He whispered into my neck and i couldn’t believe it. Yugyeom was drunk yes, but was this idiot also insane? 

“Wait...no.. Yugeyom don’t be a fucking idiot. If you touch me, that’s fucking rape...You can go to prison for that .” I shouted, trying to drill some sense into his head. He wasn’t going to risk prison to make a point was he?? 

“Not if you seduce me angel...and you’re going to... Or I’ll just tell people you did...same difference , right?” he whispered. 

And then he began dragging me off to the corner and my eyes fell on a side door leading out of the room . 

 If you let him take you there this is going to become frighteningly real,  a voice screamed in my head and I inhale deeply, ready to scream loud enough to get the attention of everyone in the damned building. 

The door opened just as I opened my mouth and I froze, watching Mrs Jeon walk into the lounge, looking lost.

“What is this place?” She muttered out loud looking around and the arms around me fell away so fast, I crashed to the floor. 

“Heejin-ah!” Yoongi’s voice came from right behind her and I flinched, willing my shaking legs to stop trembling. 

“Mrs. Jeon...” I muttered, voice strained and ribs throbbing. 

“Heejin? What is going on here? Where’s my son?” 

“Fuck... Jungkook-ah...” Yoongi moved to get him and I took a deep steadying breath. 

Years ago , I’d taken a self defence class and one thing i’d definitely enjoyed learning was how to throw a punch. And It wasn’t something i’d forgotten. 

Planting my feet firmly , i lightly rotated my hips, a subtle shift, before engaging my core , drawing all the fury and helpless rage inside me into my fist. I pulled my shoulders in and took a deep breath. Punch past your target , i told myself. You’re not just going to break his jaw you’re going to put him in the hospital tonight. 

“Mrs. Jeon, Jungkook had a great time toni-” His voice was all i needed to hear  to know exactly where his mouth was behind me. 

i relaxed my muscles as i threw the punch, contracting them just as my fist landed on Kim Yugyeom’s face.  

The satisfying sound of flesh on bone felt like music to my ears and Yugyeom’s sharp cry of sheer agonizing pain even sweeter. 

He crashed to the floor in a heap and I could feel my fist throb like hell. I was going to bruise so badly. But it was worth it. 

“That was for telling me that you were going to rape me and tell everyone that i seduced you.” I said calmly. 

Yoongi let out a noise of disbelief. 

“What the actual fuck.....” He shouted. 

“Yugyeom what the fuck man? Are you out of your damned mind?” One of his friends yelled. Yugyeom merely groaned. 

He couldn’t answer, blood trickling down his chin and hands cradling his jaw, whimpers falling out of his  mouth. My own fist throbbed like hell so the damage had to be significant. 

Mrs Jeon looked horrified and when she opened her mouth i quickly held a hand up.

“I’m not doing this. Not tonight. “ I said calmly. Jungkook was quiet, the way he always got when he was drunk and I groaned. 

It was going to be a long night. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“We need to talk.” I said calmly and Jungkook swallowed. 

“Heejin, I’m -”

“Hear me out first Jungkook.” I said sharply. “ I don’t need your apology, it means nothing to me because it means nothing to you. You’re not sorry that you didn’t help me last night. You’re just angry that you had to help at all. You don’t give a fuck about me. I know that and I’m okay with that. What I’m not okay with is you getting drunk to the point that you don’t even recognize that someone’s in need of help. “ 

I took a deep breath. 

“If you did it to me, you’ll do it to your daughter too. Yugyeom is going to get you drunk someday when you’re taking care of Mina by yourself and then when she needs you, what are you going to do?” 

“You’re right... I shouldn’t have gotten that drunk -”

“I’m only here , talking to you , because of your daughter. If it was just you, I wouldn’t give a damn because you’re an adult and if you make your bed , you can just lie on it. It wouldn’t bother me. But Mina...she’s not capable of making the right choices. She need a father who can make the right choices, because whatever shitty choice you make, your daughter is going to be there along for the ride whether she wants to or not. You drive your car off a cliff tomorrow , she’s going to be there in the car seat laughing because she doesn’t know the consequences of your choices. “ 

I clenched my fists to keep my voice even. To stop myself from yelling. 

“I have something for you. “ 

I grabbed the brown paper wrapped canvas from under the table. 

“It’s a painting . Your wife commissioned me to make this a year ago when she got pregnant.” 

He froze so eerily still that it made me nervous.

“At first , i wasn’t sure if i should be giving it to you because well... because i was marrying you ... I wasn’t sure that it would be right, coming from me ...because I was taking your wife’s place after all...”

i laughed. 

“Now I know that's just bullshit. I don’t have a place in your life. I’m a nobody. This isn’t about me. This is about you. She told me back then that you were nervous about being a father. That was all she said. And she wanted me to pain this. “ I held the canvas out to him. 

“You can see it. I’m going to go stay with Jin oppa for a few days. I want you to see it. It shows how your wife saw you. The kind of father she hoped you would be. I want you to see it and make a choice. You can either get the help you need. “ i took a deep breath, “ Or I’m going to tell Yoongi that you’re incompetent to be a father. He’ll file charges , “ I had to close my eyes to get the next words out, “ and you will lose custody of your daughter.” 

Jungkook inhaled sharply, hands curling into fists on his knees. 

“i hope you make the right choice.” 

I wrapped both my arms around myself and walked out. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s note. :

I’m so exhausted I’ll tag people tomorrow! 

.@girlinthemikrokosmos  @xius-exos  @sugainfireslex  @yunkichiee@kpopstudybee @ephyraaaa  @peachoney9795 @ggukkieland  @veronawrites  @blr1004   @tinyhoagiepartylover @btsis7okay@squishyjk  @itsdingdong @emmmui  @honeeybunneey  @yeonkiminnie

@just-me-and-myselfs  @delicate-snow-flake  @kpop-lore  @beautifulvirgobutterfly @sumzysworld  @btsmylife21  @teresaisla

.@melrosaeparker @taestannie @dchimminie  @ meraki--life   @somewhereinthestarss  @mawwnsterr  @kookiesbreaky  @chimchoom 

[clouds-rambles]

hi bestie!! i loved the prompt you wrote where the reader dies in the genshin boys arms,, so do you think you could do that for zhongli and xiao? :]

We about to cry again huh?

Bro Stormbearers Lair is making me sad and for what? All I’m doing is looking for chests. Bruh. Kinnie moment

Pairing(s); (Seperate) Zhongli, and Xiao x reader

Warnings; major character death, angst, hurt/no comfort, injury description, blood

Keep reading under the cut!

Zhongli

He had lost many a person over the millennia, so loss isn’t exactly foreign to the ex archon

But you, even if you were mortal. In Zhongli’s eyes you would grow old with him. You would get to see your children grow into adults, you would get to see grand children, maybe you would even get to see great grand children if you were lucky.

But no

Your body lays limp in Zhongli’s arms. You were both fighting a particularly tedious foe, like you have done some many times before. But this time ended with you dying

And Zhongli didn’t even get to say his goodbyes to you for he was too preoccupied with putting down the enemy. Like has happened so many times before, people close to him, gone without even a goodbye let alone a kiss on the cheek

It had happened with Guizhong too. One day she was there fighting beside him and the next. Gone

Zhongli finds himself doing something that he hasn’t done in a very long time. He cries. He cries for you. Your loss of life, for your loss of experience. For all those years he was going to spend with you. For all those years that he did spend with you that are going to be nothing but a painful memory that he has to dwell on to remember why he’s alive

How would he explain it to his children? Children that are certainly not going to understand why one of their parents are gone. Especially when the said parent is used to being gone for long periods of time? How would he explain this to himself? That the person he loves above all things has been taken away?

Hu Tao is funnily enough the one to find Zhongli dry sobbing in the middle of the plains. She says something about how she was in the area, but really? Hu Tao had this sudden gross gut feeling, as if your spirit was trying to call out to her. The gross gut feeling she had was right

Hu Tao suddenly ever so professional helped the broken Zhongli up. She doesn’t mention it when his trousers are stained by your blood, nor does she mention Zhongli’s wet face. Hu Tao knows better, especially when dealing with the dead.

The service is as small as it could physically be, considering that just in Liyue you and he have made so many friends that want to say goodbye

Both Zhongli and his children are so overwhelmed with emotion that none of them cry at the service. But everyone knows how they’re feeling. 

After the service Zhongli sits his kids down and tries to explain everything to them without crying. He must stay strong for his beautiful children, he wont let himself crutch onto them.

Often when the kids are tucked away happily in bed Zhongli will visit your grave. Often with flowers, it doesn’t matter which ones. You always had a way of finding beauty in even the weeds that litter both the garden and the wilds

On more than one occasion Zhongli has found Xiao and Ganyu silently saying goodbye to you. In all honesty you were the reason why the human adepti started seeing the ex-archon in the first place. It’s only right they offer their blessings to the person who bought them closer to the only father figure they have

As the years pass your loss has gotten easier. Zhongli still visits your grave often and occasionally brings the kids to say hello. 

Though Hu Tao cannot help but note that Zhongli still wears his wedding ring on his finger. And sometimes, she can catch glimpses of what she can only presume to be your wedding ring hanging around his neck.

Zhongli isn’t going to be letting your memory within him die anytime soon

Xiao

Having a mortal lover really wasn’t the best plan for Xiao. But he had always pictured at least you getting old. That way it would be less painful for the adeptus to let you go.

But fate obviously didn’t want that for him

He should have been more careful about having you near. You had helped him open up, so much so displays of PDA were something that he really began to enjoy. Holding your hand as you wonder about Wangshu’s market stalls, or kissing each others cheeks just when you feel like it

That’s what must have enticed the Abyss to target you. While you were defenseless

It was just a night like any other. Xiao had decided to go out for some monster slaying. He had noticed a slowly growing presence and generally a night out slaying monsters cleared out the area for a week or two

And it was going great until he heard the bloodcurdling scream of his name. If Xiao wasn’t a lightning fast adepti the scream of his name alone would have caused him to cry

The scene as he entered your room was much worse

The first thing he notices is the smell of the elemental traces of the abyss, but that smell is quickly overpowered by a metallic smell Xiao has become more than acquainted over in his lifetime. Blood

They you are lead on your bed, somewhere that should have been a safe space for both you and Xiao by extension

“Xiao” you speak again between laboured breaths, he is by your side in an instant, he clasps your hand in his

“Tell me who, I’ll ki-” he says before you interrupt

“shh” you shush with a weak smile “Xiao, I’ll” you pause coughing “I’ll find you in my next life, I promise” you manage to say

“[name], [name] stay with me!” Xiao yells as he begins to shake your body. It’s obvious from your glassy eyes and lack of breath that you’re not going to

Xiao leaves Goldet to clean up the room of blood, and you as he tracks down the culprit of your demise

He eventually does. But Xiao realises that much time has passed since your death. How long had he been pursuing this abyss herald? Days? Weeks?

When Xiao returns to Wangshu Goldet almost hugs him exclaiming that she and her husband had been worried sick. They had almost come to the conclusion that he to had taken his own life

“How long have I been gone?” Xiao inquires

“Four months” Goldet responds “We tried to hold [name]’s funeral back as much as we could, but we buried them three months ago. I’m sorry Xiao”

The adepti shakes his head. A million thoughts race his mind as he ponders what he should do next. Visit the grave and make himself be lost in your memory? Or just bury you in his head like he had done with the yaksha during the war?

He settles on both

Xiao visits your grave and says his goodbyes. He sets up some incense to help your spirit rest if its in turmoil before he turns to leave your grave. Your memory is like a wound. He will bury it in the sand like all the others in due time

A hundred years later is when he visits your grave again. Not because he forgot to before. But because this wound of your memory has infected his brain. In the last decade your memories have resurfaced once more

The memories range from the first time the two of you shared a kiss, shared the bed to when he had reached you in the bedroom

Xiao wonders to the promise your dying breaths offered, were they an empty promise like all other dying breaths? Or was this a true one?

“You know I’ve been tending to this grave for the last decade or so” a voice behind Xiao speaks. “My name isn’t [name] but I think I am them” the voice continues standing just behind the yaksha

“A hundred years is a little long for you to have grown” Xiao tells the figure behind him. You hum

“I think I was blessed by the gods” you confess “For I am truly a century old”

[a-supernatural-writer]

Playing With Their Hair

Poly Lost Boys, Michael and Star x Gender neutral reader

Came up with this while chatting with @aliypop. Thank you for giving me this idea, I had so much fun with this!

I love playing with hair/having my hair played with so here's an imagine where the reader like playing with their partners' hair and they receive some loving back.

Warnings?: there's like a few curse words...?

Playing with your multiple partners' hair was something that you did absentmindedly. Whether it be while you were doing a task that kept you in one spot, cuddling with them, being near them or even to just get your mind off things.

Though some of your partners allowed it more than others. Dwayne was at the top of your list of people that loved it when you played with his hair. He loved it when you would run your fingers through it and scratch his scalp. At times you would catch him almost falling asleep.

He also liked it when you would braid his hair. Sometimes when he would wake up in your nest he would find small random braids in his hair and thought it was absolutely adorable. He wore them the entire night and didn’t take them out until you did so yourself.

There were a handful of times that you’ve given him an actual french braid. You would smile when you would take it out the next day, his usual straight hair now a little wavy.

Dwayne would also reciprocate the action. If you were laying down with him or just leaning against him, he would play with your hair as well. If it was long enough, he would braid your hair as well. He’s the only one who kills it at braiding. If your hair was short, he would just run his fingers through it, scratching your scalp to lull you to sleep.

Beads were also a big thing between the two of you. If you wanted to give him a few braids, you sometimes wanted to add a couple of beads as you braided. He would do the same with you, picking out your favorite colors and wearing a smile the entire night when you wouldn’t take them out.

Paul enjoys it as well, I mean, have you seen his hair? The boy runs his hands through his hair to get that teased look. He loves it when you tease it yourself, trying to fix it from laying down in your nest or even just from causing chaos.

This boy purrs when you run his fingers through his hair. He’s like a big cat… or a golden retriever that loves the attention. He will lay practically on top of you as you play with his hair. You wanna put in a few braids? Sure! Just please take them out before he goes to sleep. He’ll wear them out no problem but he doesn’t want them for too long.

Paul mostly enjoys you just running your fingers through it. He will play with your hair, no questions asked. If he does, expect him to stare at your face like a love-sick puppy when he does. He loves you to death and just watching you be so relaxed by his touch could make his dead heart beat one more time.

Plus, he fidgets a lot so letting him play with your hair was a BIG thing. He would try his best to give you braids but would fail and you were lucky that he didn’t tie your hair into a knot if it was long enough. If it was short, he would still have fun just playing with the small strands of hair.

Michael 100% down with you touching his hair which made you very happy. Have you seen his curls?!?! They are so soft!! Probably has the softest hair out of the entire bunch. You love running your fingers through his hair and you are not the only one. Everyone seems to love the softness, everyone somehow and someway has run their fingers through his hair.

He loves affection and playing with his hair not only calmed you, but it also calmed him. Multiple times he has fallen asleep in your lap and you definitely aren’t complaining about it.

Since his hair isn’t necessarily long, you can braid it, but it isn’t going to be the best. You are incredibly lucky if you can get a couple braids. You mostly just play with the curls, pulling them and watching them spring back into place which always makes you giggle and make little sound effects with them. (Side note: I have really curly hair and so many people did this to me.)

He is the only one, apart from Star and Marko that you can put anything in his hair. Sometimes you’ll put in random clips, pulling some of the hair back into a new hairstyle. The clips would range from simple bobby pins to colorful metal snap clips to more fancier ones with tiny jewels on them. A pretty boy deserves pretty clips.

When he plays with your hair, he’s so gentle. Treating you like glass and mostly is pushing you hair out of your face so he could stare at it. Your heart clenches when he looks at you lovingly and running his fingers through your hair.

Star is on the same level as Paul. She melts from your touch. Her favorite thing to do is hug you as you play with her hair. You detangle her long curls, giving her braids like the others and even adding in small beads like Dwayne, but that’s very rarely.

You are convinced that her hair is the longest. Followed by Marko, Dwayne and then Paul. David’s is just a tiny bit longer than Michael’s, so you have so much fun with Star’s hair the most.

Even when you weren’t playing with it while relaxing, you were trying out new hairstyles out on her. You’ve both gone through multiple different looks for her. Experimenting to see what worked and what didn’t. Star could never see what you’ve done but you always explained it to her the best you could or even showed her pictures of what it looks like from magazines.

Star does the same for you. She’ll style it and play with it depending on what length or even what type of hair you had. She always tried her best, giving you looks that she knows you would love. Heck, she’ll even help you dye it or cut it to your wishes if you ask her too. To be honest, Star is the only one you’ll allow to cut or do anything drastic to your hair.

Marko is weird about his hair. He takes care of his luscious golden curls like it’s his baby. It’s on the same level of his jacket. Nobody can really touch or play with it. But if he’s in the mood or gets a little jealous that everyone else's hair is getting love, he wants it too!

Without a word, Marko will just either plop down in front of you or sit on your lap, pulling out the hair tie that keeps his hair back and just mumble that he wants you to play with it. How could you resist? Answer: you couldn’t.

His long beautiful curls were like Michael’s but had a bit more of a bounce to them. You would detangle them, he would love it when you scratched his scalp, closing his eyes and leaning into your touch.

Good luck doing anything to his hair because curly hair is very tricky to work with. The curls get caught easily on each other. You think you have it down? Nope. Nice try. Marko’s hair: 1 You: 0

Marko’s hair is the second softest. Again, he takes care of his curls, he takes pride in them and he will never cut it. Maybe trim it to keep it healthy, but nothing more than an inch off. He’ll lose it.

He LOVES playing with your hair though. Anytime the two of you are together, his hands are playing with anything he can get his hands on. He will even take tips from Star on how to take care of your hair. There are some nights that Marko will take Star’s place and try a style that he thinks will look good on you. You know he was happy with his work because he was smiling all night long.

Now David… David’s hair is a no. Don’t touch it in front of the others, don’t even think about it. He’s like Marko. His mullet is a part of him and he doesn’t like people fucking with it. But that’s when he’s around the others. In private, just the two of you, it’s a whole different story.

Even in private though, he’s still a little protective of it. Very rarely will he just let you "play" with it. It’s only if he’s in a really good mood or he’s stressed. If he’s stressed, it’s probably one of the best things you can do for him. He especially likes it when you scratch the lower back of his head, right where it connects with his neck. Don’t ask why, it just feels good.

Another thing that he really likes is when you push back any stray hairs of his. Your fingers would brush against his face, hitting a little bit of his scruff as you pushed back a stray hair behind his ear. If you do that, dear lord, have mercy on your soul because he likes it way too much.

Other than that, you aren’t touching it unless you two are doing some kinky shit, which is the only other time he’ll let you touch it. Just pulling his hair at the base, the same place he likes scratched, and that’s when I wish you all the luck in the world. He isn’t letting you go at all that night.

David really only plays with your hair if he’s thinking about something. He’ll usually be laying with you in your nest, smoking a cigarette in one hand while petting your hair with the other, deep in thought. He doesn’t say anything as he does so and that’s okay. He’s content and so are you.

Also, don’t let anybody else know, but how the hell do you think his hair is platinum blonde, almost white? You are the only one to bleach and dye his hair. He will never live down the teasing from the others if they saw him with the foil in his locks. The only one he would allow to see was Dwayne. Before you came along, he was the one helping.

Apart from that, there are multiple times when a handful of you have braid trains. And that includes Michael, you and Dwayne; in the specific order. Michael learns from both you and Dwayne on how to braid hair.

Occasionally, Marko might join, letting Dwayne braid his hair. You’re a little jealous cause somehow Dwayne has magic fingers and is able to braid Marko’s hair with no problem.

Of course, like David, all of them either like pulling your hair or getting theirs pulled in a certain way. More or less, it’s David, Dwayne, and Marko that prefer pulling yours. Paul and Michael like it when you do it to them and Star… this girl is a wild card, you never know with her.

Either way, playing with their hair or them playing with yours is, in a way, therapeutic for all of you and it brings you all even closer together.