#my coping mechanism is humor I think you can tell by this post

[aceonpoppy]

This Sunday I'm gonna be with my family to do a wife reveal to them & they're gonna make me go to my old church which I Don't Want To but it's gonna be fun to return as a fucking. Heathen. I'm gonna be posting about that here because I have less followers than on my main and it is dangerous to go alone so I'm taking all of you 👍

If you understandably don't want to hear about my religious trauma for a week then just block the tag #seeds sown among thorns so you don't have to see it

[usermakki]

· ₊ ⊹ · ₊ ⊹ · ᴀᴠᴀᴛᴀʀ ᴍᴇɴ + ᴄᴏᴍꜰᴏʀᴛ & ʀᴇᴀꜱꜱᴜʀᴀɴᴄᴇ ;

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ ; neteyam, lo’ak, tsu’tey, jake, ao’nung, rotxo x reader

ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ; mentions of insecurities + depressive bouts/mood, hurt/comfort, fluff, bad coping mechanisms, established relationship, na'vi!reader, human!reader, dreamwalker!jake, lowercase intended, and i think that’s it

ɴᴏᴡ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ ; pov by ariana grande

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ'ꜱ ɴᴏᴛᴇ ; first of all, i've reached 200+ followers and this is my thank you gift for each and every one of you! thank you so much, for liking and keeping up with my content!! on another note, this post was completely unscripted, an anon sent me an ask regarding this theme and i just went apeshit lol. to that anon, you're the best <3

ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ

・・・・・・ ɴᴇᴛᴇʏᴀᴍ

﹒ɞ comfort it doesn't take much for neteyam to pick up on your gloomy mood. he's well acquaintanced with your coping tendencies and is quick to pick up when you start closing off to deal with your insecurities. he notices all the telling signs—how you keep hugging yourself, trying to appear smaller, the constant change to your appearance, straying away from crowds and even going so far as to avoid him. your absence being the biggest giveaway, considering that he's so used to having you near. and the moment you start to stray off, he's hot in your trail. whatever your response is, neteyam has no problem accommodating you. he can hug you as you cry yourself to sleep, stroke your hair, sit by your side, and listen to you rant for hours, if you wish for him to stay. if you're the type of person who deals with things on your own, he'll make sure to take care of you from afar; leaving sliced fruits by your bed for when you wake up, leading any loud and nosy person away from your safe space, putting your medicine within your reach. even if the sight of your suffering becomes unbearable, he'll still give you all the space you need until you're ready to be approached.

﹒ɞ reassurance "hey, what does that matter anyway? you're the prettiest person in my eyes." neteyam will try to reassure you in all the ways he knows how; complimenting your new hairstyle, respectfully showing you off to his friends and the elders, partaking in whatever palliative hobbies you enjoy and even taking the time out of his busy day to check up on you from time to time. “my eyes have never strayed from you since the day i met you, my star. nothing that you say will make me love you any less.” he's willing to do anything to ensure your well-being. “i’ll even let you play with my tail. ouch! just don’t pull it.” 

ㅤ

・・・・・・ ʟᴏ’ᴀᴋ

﹒ɞ comfort for someone who spends most of his free time crowding you and dragging you in multiple different directions, in search of a new feat that will somehow end in him, or both of you in trouble, you'd think that lo'ak would be quicker to notice your disheartening state. perhaps sometimes it might take you approaching him to vent for him to notice, but that doesn't mean he's not attentive to your humor changes. he is perceptive, only a bit slow on cognizance. nevertheless, lo'ak takes a very straightforward approach, not very talkative, as he relies heavily on actions to do the talking. the moment he realizes you falling behind your friend group, your gaze lost in the distance, not participating in the conversations and, the most significatory indicator of your mood in his eyes, making degrading comments and jokes at your own expanse, he excuses you both from where you are and takes you some place you can let it all out without the concern of prying eyes. lo'ak will let you scream and cry it out for as long as you need. he'll stand to the side, occasionally offering praises and witty remarks, as you manage your dejection in whatever way you wish. lo'ak might not know the right words to comfort you with, but he won't ever let you go through it on your own. plus, he might get a good laugh out of you, and that's a great win on his book.

﹒ɞ reassurance “come on, i’ll show you something cool.” does a race, tug of war, or any physically demanding activity to release a bunch of chemicals sounds appealing to you? then he's your guy. “you’re the coolest, most intelligent person i know. if there’s someone who can do this, it’s you.” not to say he won't offer you a few words of consolation, on the contrary, they might sound clumsy and not very effective, but if you look past that, you'll still find comfort in lo'ak either way. “you’re always teaching me things, and if you can get me to understand simple concepts, you can do anything.”

ㅤ

・・・・・・ ᴛꜱᴜ’ᴛᴇʏ

﹒ɞ comfort tsu'tey is another one who's very in tune with your humor changes. he can tell straight away when your mood shifts, there's no way to hide it with this one. he takes notice of you side-stepping around the village, keeping less time in the training grounds with him and more time around the scientists in the biolab. at first, he lets it fester, respecting your space and expecting you to come to him first because despite recognizing the signals, he's fairly awkward to approach you on this matter. but your attitudes get more drastic as the days pass; initially, you're merely keeping to yourself during social gatherings, only talking when spoken to, head low and eyes downcast, but then you stop showing up altogether. and tsu'tey still sees glimpses of you, skirting around the edges of the forest, avoiding him, it seems. tsu'tey doesn't let it drag any longer, he ambushes you before you can hide away, and takes you to the clearing you regularly spend your time together. despite wanting to force any kind of information out of you, he takes the easier approach and gently coaxes you into speaking up, mindful not to sound too harsh or eager. if you still won't budge, he'll suggest some ways to blow off your steam, offer to spar, or come along in an invigorating banshee flight, but he won't dare make this moment about himself. tsu'tey won't let you wallow in your misery for long.

﹒ɞ reassurance “hey, you’ve been doing well, and you’ve come far. i’m proud of you.” depending on what stage of your relationship you are with him, tsu'tey might vary between a constipated and gentle approach. but either way, he'll make sure to advise you to the best of his capabilities. “i won’t let anything happen to you, you’re safe here with me.” you might even be able to pull some praise out of him if you play your cards right. “you’ve shown me what true strength is. your character is unlike anyone i’ve known.”

ㅤ

・・・・・・ ᴊᴀᴋᴇ

﹒ɞ comfort life as a human on pandora isn't easy, and jake recognizes that, so it's no surprise to you when he detects your depressing mood. you can try to mask it; by keeping up with your friends' quips and shenanigans, picking up different hobbies and activities to throw them off the fact you've been locking yourself away in your bunker for hours, and avoiding any talk concerning your mental and physical health. but jake is perceptive, that's one of the many things you grew to love and hate about him, try all you might, but you can't get him off your trail once he picks up on something shady. he starts by approaching you separately from everyone else, having more one-on-ones with you, then he switches to keeping you company during all of your meals, and he doesn't leave until he can see the bottom of your plate. jake makes sure to always be on standby if you ever need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to vent into, and he'll tell you that much, he just slips those words inconspicuously during one of your talks, and he makes it sound so easy that you just give in. do you need him to beat the disrespect out of someone? or to cuddle you until you fall asleep? no need to tell him twice, all you've got to do is ask. and he'll keep you company even after all it's said and done, as a reminder that he's there and he doesn't plan on going anywhere. he's just in reach for whenever you need him.

﹒ɞ reassurance “breath in, just like that. you’re doing great, sweetheart.” don't be embarrassed about crying, he won't mind the snot and the tears on the shoulder of his shirt. as long as you're managing your emotions, he's content with whatever you are content with. “don’t say that. you’re not alone, ‘cause you have me.” you'll notice that he has a very good way with his words that might not seem in character to him, but that might just be because he really likes you. “and i’ll be here for you, always. whatever it is.”

ㅤ

・・・・・・ ᴀᴏ’ɴᴜɴɢ

﹒ɞ comfort despite being distant from most of the people in his clan, ao'nung still cares. and it's because of that, that he makes sure to keep an eye out for you in case you ever need his assistance. he's very heedful to your physical needs, but not so much about your mental state, so it might take a moment for him to pick up on it. he won't know how to deal with your low spirits at first, choosing to instruct tsireya or some of your friends into seeking you out and trying to get you to spill the roots of your problems. he might even send his mother to counsel you, in a last, desperate resort. for a while, ao'nung only watches as you drag your feet around, stares off into space while everyone around you laughs, skips communal meals to eat by yourself inside your marui, comes back empty-handed from your hunts and with your mood even worse. but he can only take so much of it, and his final stroke is catching you crying alone after returning from patrol. ao'nung will try to help you as best he can, but there are only so many words he can muster before he decides on a more physical approach. he'll sit alongside you and listen as you pour your heart out, hug your shoulders and nuzzle your head and kiss you in all the places he can reach. you'll notice that he will be softer and pliable with you for days after, and it's your chance to get many things out of him, be it more cuddles, more pampering, or whatever, he won't hold it against you.

﹒ɞ reassurance “next time this happens, come to me. let me help you.” ao'nung will not hesitate to reach out to his mother and sister on the best ways to care for you. and fret not, he will make sure that you're comfortable and secure with him. “you’re not a burden. all that matters to me is if you’re well.” he'll learn to handle you with care when you're at your most fragile so that you can keep relying on him ever after that. “i’ll take over your duties for tomorrow and the day after. now rest, please.” 

ㅤ

・・・・・・ ʀᴏᴛxᴏ

﹒ɞ comfort rotxo is swift on picking up on your somber state as well, as expected from someone who spends so much of his time observing you from up close and from afar. it's second nature for him to always look for you in a crowd, to seek you out in his free time-you are his favorite person after all. so when he realizes that you're absent during outings, meals and hunts, he doesn't waste time in reaching out to you, in hopes of understanding the circumstances of your withdrawal. and he's so sweet about it, not rushing you into accepting his presence or his questioning. he respects your time and your state of mind, the last thing he wishes is for you to slip further away from his reach. rotxo will offer you some closure, and then let you come to him of your own accord. he'll give you time to choose your words and find your stepping, and when you come to him, he'll let you crawl into his lap for solace, and dry your tears as you share some of your burdens with him. he contemplates for some time on the best ways to help, and he'll start by bringing you out to get some air and soak in the sun, then he'll prepare you some food and advise you on a course of action. but he won't let you deal with it on your own, oh no, rotxo will make it clear that your burdens are now his to carry and that you'll resolve it together. you can hold his hand as tight as you want, he doesn't plan on letting go of you any time soon.

﹒ɞ reassurance “just hold my hand. don’t think about anything else.” you won't ever have to be scared again, of facing someone, or of dealing with any consequences, because rotxo will be there with you to make sure that everything will go smoothly for you. “i'll do it, you just stay there and relax. i’ve got you.” and if you can't bring yourself to do it? it’s alright, he is more than happy to handle it for you from now on. “i’ll fix it. it’s no problem.”

(hopefully, tumblr won't eat rotxo's part again..)

lovehina© 2023 All rights reserved. Do not repost, reupload, translate, modify or claim my work as your own.

[mamawasatesttube]

what would u say it takes for a fic to get kon's tone correctly? or like. what things do u feel make the tone Wrong? (if u can put it into words ik this is a very vague question LMAO)

so in essence you are asking me to distill kon as a character. i will attempt to do this, but preemptively be warned i will likely be rambling.

there are a few things about kon that always stand out to me. i draw a lot on sb94 for his overall character, with sb11 and adventure comics to guide his character arc. to me, he is, in no particular order:

incredibly smart

but exceedingly hard on himself,

and prone to self-deprecation.

silly and goofy! a geek-ass loser!!

full of joie de vivre!

deeply, deeply passively suicidal.

quick to anger (mostly when younger)

but even quicker to cool off and apologize if necessary.

too quick, even. very forgiving of anything done to him, no matter how fucked up, if he thinks the person is genuinely sorry.

kind. kind. kind. kind. he wants to believe in everyone.

prone to naivety, because of it. (again, especially when younger.)

ready and willing to destroy himself if it helps someone else even a little bit. a bleeding heart that maybe bleeds too much.

deeply, deeply caring. about everyone. especially the folks nobody else really cares about.

pretty introspective (post-death and resurrection).

passionate. he does not do anything by halves.

haha silly!!! jokester!!! star trek time!!! wahoo!!!

so as you can see, he is a character built on contradiction. he loves life, but he's been suicidal since day one. he's a lot smarter than anyone, including himself, gives him credit for - he might not be the best strategist out there, but his creativity and ability to think on his feet are phenomenal! he's deeply kind to the core and yet worries about who he is, because he can't see himself how anyone else does. i could go on. it's about the contradictions - the kontrast, if you will.

in terms of fic writing, character voice, and tone: imagine a boy in the basement of a fucked up science lab surrounded by the frozen-in-stasis corpses of his twelve would-be brothers, the clones before him that didn't pan out. he is white-knuckling his gloves. he is repeating to himself, but i stay silly :3!! but i stay silly :3!! but i stay silly :3!! but i stay--

this, too, is about the kontrast. denial and humor are his best friends and his favorite coping mechanisms.

to me, i guess a fic gets kon right if it understands he is an unreliable fucking narrator. he's incredibly repressed. he just denies it all and pretends he's fine because he can joke it off. he stays silly!! X3!! but he's a genuinely sweet and thoughtful guy. he does all the farm chores for ma kent without being asked, loves his dog, has nightwing merch (a zine, specifically, from the looks of it) in his room, and physically is incapable of shutting up about star trek. he's a geek. he's silly. he's loving. he's deeply sad. he's a walking talking identity crisis.

also wrt fic writing. i mean i know saying this is a lost cause because anyone bothering to read a long post about kon isn't the kind of person writing fics that don't actually treat him as his own character, but. he is not fucking scared of bruce wayne oh my god. i will forever yell about these pages from sb94 #85 aka what might be my fav issue in the entire run:

he doesn't stand for anyone being unjust, even if it's his bestie's mentor who he respects a lot!! even if he's a little nervous he tells bruce off and demands better from him!!! (granted, i also think this is some of my least favorite bruce writing ever - i don't like him sounding like a kkk manifesto someone hit find and replace on when he talks about metas, and i don't for the life of me understand why so many of his "fans" continue to eat that up and then shit it out in the year 2023, but that's getting off topic.)

ALSO. HE LOVES AND RESPECTS CLARK SO FUCKING MUCH. that's another thing fics get wrong. he does NOT resent clark for "not being around" and he does NOT tolerate anyone talking shit about him!! clark is his favorite guy. he idolizes him!! yes, he's sometimes sad about wanting to be closer to him, but never communicates this (and, again, this is also an editorial mandate). if kon was going to blame anyone for their relationship not being what he wants it to be, IT IS HIMSELF!!!! he does this literally on page in sb94, when he finds out clark has a secret identity and isn't superman all the time. he blames himself for not being someone superman would have wanted to confide in sooner. he is REALLY GOOD at blaming himself for things. he would never in his LIFE blame clark.

in conclusion. please enjoy this incredibly roumd krypto snoozing next to him in lena luthor's house. thank you for your time ♥

[mswyrr]

re: Sydney's walls. Going off the discussion in @vacationship's excellent post about Carmy and his trauma responses (which IMO he lowers around Sydney as much as he's currently able; being around her is like being able to actually breathe, forget about 'the clock' and feel close with someone), I think that pairs with how Sydney lowers her walls around him in a way that is seemingly unique for her (I'd love to see more of how she relates to people outside of work - other family members, friends!).

What has gone into her walls and their origin in her childhood? Honing in specifically on her use of humor, I am reminded of something Stephen Colbert said about losing his father and two brothers young: he saw his role, as a child, as making his mother laugh, helping lighten the load for her in that way. Here's a quote from a conversation with him and Molly Shannon, who also experienced deep loss as a child:

"You said you wanted to make your mother laugh and cheer her up, and stuff like that, right? I relate to all that stuff, too, and in some ways, I wanted to make sure my dad was okay. My dad was really interested in writing and performing. We used to do acting exercises in the house. And so I kind of also did that for him too because it made him so happy."

And I think -- even though Emmanuel seems like a really excellent parent -- a sensitive child would feel his deep sorrow and want to lighten that burden like that - so her use of humor, to bond and deflect heavy emotions, to cut through pain, makes sense to me as something they shared. And she probably felt a level of responsibility for and awareness of her father's needs that she wouldn't have had to if he'd still had her mother there.

I think she also probably felt like she had to keep some things to herself, so as not to add to his burden, even though she's had a lot of support from her dad in figuring out life and practical concerns. They seem to be very honest with each other--even when he's struggling to understand her choices and she's having trouble explaining her dreams and goals-- but things that she felt might have hurt him? I can imagine her holding those close.

It's interesting how reluctant Sydney is to share about her loss -- even to the point of misguiding (or allowing them to make assumptions) both Marcus and Carmy about her mom. Her line to Carmy about how she doesn't want the "I'm sorry for your loss" stuff (and him going from being very serious about it to joining her in her coping mechanism and trying to make her laugh) is telling.

I think there's a lot more to it and I'd love to know what kind of wider family and friends network of support the two of them had, a grieving widower and his little 4 year old girl. I really want to see more of her wider relationships and how those shaped her.

[the5n00k]

Hawkeye Pierce: The Good, The Bad, and The Unmilitary

The long awaited first official M*A*S*H character analysis

It's not a secret to anyone aware of this blog that I fucking love Hawkeye. This piece of shit lives rent free in my mind and has lived rent free for the past four months. Which is kind of why I've hesitated so long to make this because he means so much to me (also what's left for me to say about him, he's been around longer than I have, surely he's been analyzed and over analyzed more than I can imagine)

But I relate to him unfortunately so you're going to have to hear about him sorry <3

Her ass is rambling, this is a long post

Benjamin Franklin “Hawkeye” Pierce starts out the series loud and eccentric but relatively level headed most of the time compared to some of the other members of the 4077. Playboy, drinker, anarchist, and pacifist (by technicality only), his really formative episodes for his character going forward to me at least were Dr. Pierce and Mr Hyde and Sometimes You Hear The Bullet. Both his wish to do something, anything to stop the war and his declining mental health because of it are on full display in these episodes. The war took so much from him and keeps taking, especially when Henry dies and Trapper gets shipped home while he's away. He's a desperate animal clawing at the dirt just trying not to fall off the cliff. And he keeps slipping.

One of his biggest weaknesses as a bleeding heart is burning himself out or having zero self preservation. It's admirable how much he does for his patients and camp mates but most of the time it just looks like he has a death wish. But the admiration is exactly what he doesn't want. He's an attention whore sure, but every time he's ever been put on a pedestal he's tried to shake it off; dismissing the news reporters and even yelling at Radar for simply looking up to him. He covers up his self loathing with humor, childish antics, and self inflating bickering with the other surgeons to give him a fake sense of self worth despite thinking of himself so poorly. Just the way he treats himself with ridiculous drinking habits and poor self care in general is rather telling and only gets worse as the series goes on.

That being said, he is also strongly fixated on having a sense of normalcy, demanding more choices of food and taking showers whenever possible just like all the others scrambling to keep some sort of routine. He also frequently sets up dates with the nurses when he can not looking for anything serious. He falls in love/forms attachments really easily so that often gets him in trouble, especially when his coping mechanisms keep him from being real most of the time. And once he loves you, he holds on, still mourning the loss of Trapper throughout the later seasons as if he was dead. Moving on is not an option for him, often retreating back into memories voluntarily or not to cope with being drafted (Hawk's Nightmare, Bless You, Hawkeye, basically any episode where he talks extensively about Maine or his father)

And no matter what happens, no matter how much he hates it, Hawkeye knows he has to keep going or people will get hurt or worse. He knows he has to get up and keep doing his job because he has to. He doesn't like it. He'd rather literally be considered dead than get continuously screwed over by the army (The Late Captain Pierce) but he gets up anyway. Because people depend on him. There have been a few episodes where I believed his mental health may have been improving, after/around season 9, and then Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen happened and I was immediately destroyed.

His arc in GFA, like a lot of the other characters in that finale special, was perfect for his character. He was always claiming things like “sanity is a state of mind” (and talking about chickens a lot for some reason) so to have him finally, horrifically snap and lose it so badly Sidney found it necessary to keep him in a mental hospital felt like the trainwreck I had been anticipating for the entire series. He needed to stop repressing things and actually process the horrors he's seen, all of it stacking up is the reason he broke to begin with. Everyone else has more or less accepted their shitty situation of stitching together victims of the cruelty of warfare but he'd been fighting it for 11 seasons now (something around 4-5 years show time) and eventually the longer the unstoppable force pushes against the immovable object, one of them will break. Then to see him finally confront the fact that him and BJ will probably never see each other again and practically beg for the closure that Trapper never was able to give him and FINALLY get it was so satisfying and a perfect shot to send off the character with. BJ was the only one keeping him focused and on the right track when he'd start going too far, gave him some much needed reality checks, and was the only one to stick with him through everything. He knew every ugly secret and Hawkeye knew his. They both did terrible things in situations they never asked to be in. They were bonded in trauma and whether you read their relationship as romantic or not, they're probably the closest relationship in the series and I couldn't be happier with how they ended off.

Hawkeye is a deeply flawed character (dare I say… problematic) and while his change isn't immediately noticeable in the series, it is striking if you watch an episode from an early episode to a late one, especially regarding his relationship with Margaret. Across many episodes, they mutually earn each other's respect and actually become very good friends, probably second only to BJ and Hawkeye. They've also been through a lot of shit together and are very similar, reacting to the same insecurities and desires in completely different ways. (Affection craving, their disdain for senseless violence, deep seething rage for injustice, refusing to show weakness due to their high positions)

There's some indefensible things this character does I will admit and things that made me say “why would he say that” but in general, I believe he is a very well written example of PTSD and a strong-willed anti-war activist. The term activist is thrown around a lot online but he's pretty much the only one there trying to fix things, even if his efforts are unethical or straight up ineffective. I actually really love that he does some things that I hate. Seeing such a gritty and reactionary protagonist was so striking to me, his unpredictability made watching him react to things fascinating. He's a cornered animal desperately trying to escape being closed in on closer and closer until he lashes out. My job is nowhere near comparable to the mental turmoil of his but I found myself comparing his thought processes a lot to my own. He's self destructive, impulsive, and immature but his energy brings so much to the show and the characters around him. He has such a fondness for everyone in the 4077 that becomes more explicit in the big moments. He'd raise hell for anyone in that compound whether they asked for it or not. Or if they even needed it. He'd just raise hell. It's enrichment for him

[ahoyimlosingmymind]

So your opinion on Sokeefe and Fitz like YES EXACTLY. .... What are your opinions on the contents of Keefe's character itself?

Tehe thank you <3

I'm SO glad that post was well received, because I was sweating BULLETS.

To preface this post, I must admit I have been a Fitz girlie since day one. A lot of my issues with Keefe stem from the WAY he is written, and the way the narrative favors him and justifies him. Fitz comes into play, because Fitz and Keefe are used as narrative devices to contrast one another. However that was not always the case. In the earlier books, when they were still close friends, they agreed on a lot and seemed to know each other well. And then BOOM- Neverseen hits, Keefe is super reckless (even if his heart was in the right place) and is immediately forgiven for it. He became a fan favorite, and thus the decline in Fitz's original character begins. Shannon had to ruin Fitz's character to prop Keefe's up in the later books-- which comes off as supremely lazy to me. And I just cannot get over the complete character assassination of Fitz. Which again, not really a KEEFE issue, but more so my beef with the writing and execution.

That was a giant preface. I'm sorry. anway-

In previous posts about Keefe, I've gone over the way he often airs out and announces Sophie's emotions to the room, and he uses the fact that he can feel her emotions to get her to share secrets with him that she otherwise wouldn't. This is never seen as a bad thing, but when Fitz- who is not privy to Sophie's emotions- asks her how she's feeling or for her thoughts, it's suddenly 'invasive' and 'pushy'.

I've also gone over how Keefe lets Ro, his bodyguard, just verbally insult and berate Fitz, his supposed best friend, and never comes to his defense. Keefe- while consumed with his own issues, is often dismissive of others' issues. Which I don't blame him for- but he's never held accountable for it.

With quotes like (and I'm paraphrasing) "Yeah but you get to go back to perfect Vacker Land when all is said and done"- this was directed at Fitz when Fitz was trying to bring perspective and comfort. I believe this happened in either Neverseen or Lodestar. He also refuses to relate to Fitz or meet him in the middle on any issues ever. When Fitz points out that they both have traitors in the family, Keefe is quick to scoff and dismiss this olive branch.

Another moment is when he tells Tam that the role of "Mommy/daddy issues is taken" and in inadvertent ways, pokes fun at Tam's coping mechanisms. in front of everyone.

And then you get moments, like in Flashback, where Fitz directly tells Sophie he doesn't feel like he's allowed to be hurt the way he is- because he doesn't have it 'as bad' as other characters. <- huh wonder where that comes from.

Just not a great look imo.

I am also just really tired of the 'I use humor to hide how broken I am' archetype often found in literature. And while it may be relatable to many people, and a reason why he is a favorite- I'm just tired of seeing it, and I think it could have been done better. But it is a middle grade series, so of course it's a bit dumbed down.

I also get annoyed when Keefe butts in to any moment concerning Sophie because he just HAS to get a word in. He HAS to prove why he 'Knows Foster best'. All of the characters do this to an extent, but he does it the most and it's like- STAWP PLEASE.

Keefe is also just... blatantly mean in his own POV? Especially towards Fitz. He calls him boringly perfect, mentions how he wants to punch him, internally agrees with Ro's jabs etc-

and the other half of his POV is just ruminating on his sucky life and the 'cute worry line between Foster's brows'

and maybe I'm not being fair to him. Because LISTEN- I don't want him to be a perfect character. My issue is that he's obviously NOT perfect, but the narrative never makes him out to be imperfect. It runs circles around itself justifying him and his actions- but doesn't offer the same grace to any of the other characters besides Sophie.

[something-pithy]

Notes and an Update: Astarion, Tav, and Trauma in Stories

Pictured above: actual footage of trauma response from Astarion (j/k! kinda!) to catch your eye :D

Hey glittercats and cosmic kittens!

So I've definitely been neglecting the updates here, which I'm going to try to do better with.

We're up to Chapter 11 on this bad boy, and I've adjusted the anticipated chapter count to 30 (but honestly it's probably still all lies because I have absolutely no sense of how much writing each point on my outline ends up being loool).

I have a DOPE beta who's fucking amazing both in terms of conventions and idea partnership and I'm telling you right now, this story is so much better for having their hands and eyes on it.

SOME CONTENT WARNING STUFF RE: THIS CHAPTER:

Alcohol use disorder (AUD) and symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

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MORE DETAILS ON THIS -- SPOILERS AHEAD, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

So hopefully that's enough room for people who don't want to be spoiled to escape!

So I'm going to copy/paste the end note on the story, and expand on it a little bit.

So, although Tav is a "good drunk," as Frank Gallagher might put it, she is 1000% engaging in pretty serious substance abuse, or to be more specific in this chapter, alcohol use disorder. I'm not going to go into the way this story is going to approach mental and behavioral health disorders and trauma; hopefully it will speak for itself. Suffice it to say substance abuse and trauma are not the central subject of this story, but also, Astarion and Tav as they exist in this little pocket dimension of the BG3 universe have been impacted by the trauma they've each experienced both together and as individuals. In general, the impact of trauma can look and feel a lot of ways. Sometimes it's horrifying, sometimes it's heartbreaking, sometimes it's rage-inducing - but let's be honest, sometimes that shit is funny, too, because humor is such an incredible survival tactic / coping mechanism. Even if sometimes we're laughing at shit that shouldn't be funny. (Maybe especially then.) This story isn't going to be an after-school special or a PSA. It's a story about people, and sometimes people are fucked up (literally and figuratively). Anyway, I'll get off my soapbox now. If this has activated you, or you have earnest questions or concerns about what's going on in this story / with these characters, or you just want to shoot the shit, hit me up on my tumblr. There might be more notes there on this eventually, but for now, this chapter actually took a lot out of me and I'm still out here with these perpetual COVID symptoms, so... lol NOT TONIGHT. As always, thank y'all for reading, kudosing, and commenting.

OK, so I may have lied about the no notes part... but honestly, in re-reading that note, I think it kind of gets to the point.

But ALSO...

I've been a geek on the internet for a long, long time. I've engaged with different fan-based writing and roleplaying communities (tabletop, chat-based, forum-based, butt-based -- EVERYTHING) for pretty much the entire time.

"The Tragic Backstory" seems like it's been A Whole Thing since people started creating characters whether for roleplay or stories.

I think times have changed somewhat, but back in the day I ran in circles where a lot of thoughts about writing, creating characters, roleplay, etc. coexisted somewhat peacefully, but an old chestnut that consistently (maybe without fail) turned up in any conversation that involved Writers of Quality was a contingent of folks who had deep disdain for The Tragic Backstory.

I'm talkin' some deep, scathing, elitist shit, my beautiful people.

And I'm not gonna lie to you! This is approximately ten thousand years ago (no but seriously, decades), and honestly, I was up in those conversations, too, throwing around my disdain, assured by my fellow elitists that even though I frequently employed some form of Tragic Backstory, it was OK when I did it because it was good.

I mean in retrospect, it's kinda bullshit. There's always gonna somebody who's gonna think your shit's good, and there's also always gonna be somebody who thinks they're a Better Writer Than You who's gonna think your shit is... well, shit.

Not gonna lie, I still have very strong and particular preferences when it comes to the fic I read in general, and that includes backstory.

But over time, I got progressively less insecure (not just about my writing, but in general) and consequently less concerned with judging writing that's not my flavor as "bad" or "shitty" or "juvenile" (looool seriously, I was a dick) and more concerned with finding and creating writing that is my flavor.

However, and I don't think I'm going to apologize for it, some dickish tendencies linger in my soul. I'm going to try and frame these thoughts in terms of what compels me in a story I'm reading and what I do (or try to do) in my own writing.

This is a very long way of saying if something I say (or have already said) makes you feel like I'm coming for your neck, please know that I'm not.

My thoughts and/or opinions may cause you or someone you love to feel Some Type of Way. That is not my intention. I have no desire to:

Yuck anyone's yum

Contribute to or activate the crippling self-doubt that plagues almost every creative I've ever met

Be a dick.

Having said all that, I do have Thoughts on This Matter.

People write for a lot of reasons, but I'm fairly convinced that nobody's doing it with any level of purity. There are tons of incredible, beautiful, moving stories that feature a whole-ass Self-Insert, maybe even the dreaded Mary Sue.

(lol lookin' at you Dante's Inferno, Tyrion Lannister from A Song of Ice and Fire, and countless others lol)

People write to explore topics and themes that interest them, that compel them, that they see recurring in the world around them and/or their own lives.

One of those things is trauma.

In my writing, I approach trauma, disordered behaviors, dysfunction, dysregulated emotions, etc. (topics both of great interest to me and, not coincidentally, ones with which I have a great deal of personal experience) from a place of wanting fervently to tell the truth.

And I'm pretty good writing some things that feel true.

But I know that in some ways, I've shied away from harder truths; from using my writing and the characters I create not only as reflections of what I see in the world, but as accurate (rather than idealized) reflections of myself.

Because of this, while I've explored redemption arcs in roleplaying games (where being cheesy or facile or juvenile or fulfilling personal fantasies felt much safer than on a page), I've skirted neatly around it, I think, in my writing (for the most part). Because I absolutely was the girl who wanted to "save" or "fix" the wounded (and emotionally unavailable, and/or abusive, and/or toxic) lover. I wanted stories about it. I wanted to roll around in that narrative, bathe in it, eat it up for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

All while occupying the role/perspective of The Good One / The Good Girl whether in a game or in a story I was consuming.

But it's not the truth. Not the whole truth, at least. Not for me, anyway.

My admiration, respect, regard, and all the other good words for the writing and acting in Baldur's Gate 3 cannot be overstated. Each of the "origin" characters (and honestly, any character "Tav" has the opportunity to even have a conversation with, much less spend a significant amount of time with) is thoughtfully and truthfully written. I see this more in some than others, but that depth and breadth of understanding about human beings -- sorry, sentient beings -- shows up all over the place and honestly I almost can't stand how much I love it.

I'm not going to say that there's no character I feel this as deeply with as Astarion, but... idk, sometimes.

But there's no need to quantify this. Astarion is one of a number of characters from the game that I'm low-key obsessed with.

As such, when I decided to take on the story outcome in which, in my opinion, he throws all the growth, all the processing, all the truth and reconciliation I saw him moving toward in the game into a fucking woodchipper, I did not want it to be easy.

I get wanting it to be easy, and there are delicious, delicious fics out there that go this route. I think anybody who writes Ascendant Astarion at least flirts with it.

And it's not a binary; it's not either, "OMG this is completely uncomplicated, I love you I'm your spawn and it's just like if you hadn't ascended except your SUPER EXTRA POWERFUL AND SEXY AND HOT AND WHOOPS THERE GO MY PANTIES" (which, tbh... lool I'm not mad at) or "ASTARION IS IRREDEEMABLE LET ME WRITE OF HIS TRAGIC DEMISE AND TAV'S TRAGIC WITNESS TO IT / ENGINEERING OF IT." Which I'm ALSO not mad at, because THOSE THINGS CAN BE TRUE.

But while I'm subscribed to some stories that follow those paths or ones like them, and when I get that notification it's time to STOP THE PRESSES bc mama needs to READ, for me the challenge of this is if I'm going to continue Astarion and Tav's love story (or rekindle it lol), I want to honor the four years of intense character work Neil Newbon and Stephen Rooney and honestly the whole goddamn BG3 team from soup to nuts have done by considering "What would really happen here" as brutally as possible.

Komo, my incredible thought partner-cum-beta, can tell you about the pages of back and forth between us about "fml, how can we make this story work and maintain fidelity to the integrity* of these characters???? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"

*not personal integrity -- meta shit. The integrity of their arcs, development, personalities, histories, traumas, etc.

SO. Back to trauma.

I said in my end note for chapter 11 that this story is not an after-school special (which looool probably at least some of you are like wtf are you talking about my dude and I'm like looooool omg life before kids were a whole target demographic unto themselves - kind of lol) or a PSA.

Which alludes to the fact that YES, I want to tell the truth about the ugliness of this relationship and the individuals in it with nuance and empathy and sensitivity; that I want to write about the pain and harm and longing and ache and all of it in ways that are neither hyperbolic nor diminishing.

But also, look, my darling motherfuckers, my comrades in fuckery, whoever's made it this far into this rambling monster of a -- whatever the fuck this is lool -- PEOPLE WHO HAVE TRAUMA ALSO HAVE FUN.

SOMETIMES EVEN WHEN THEY ARE ENGAGING IN BEHAVIORS THAT ARE DESTRUCTIVE TO THEMSELVES AND/OR OTHERS.

I don't think I've sufficiently unpacked this part to dig down much deeper into it, but what I will say is that this is not going to be a passion play about Poor Tav or Drugs Are Bad, Mmkay? or anything else.

What this is going to be (or at least, what I passionately want it to be) is -- framed with a delicious little fake-dating muffin of an emotional MacGuffin -- a portrait of some people in all (or lordt jebus please let me achieve at least MOST) of their complexity.

ALL OF IT.

Lordt Baby Jebus, Allah, Milal, Great Spaghetti Monster, ANYBODY

(not Lolth lol)

hear my prayer!

Aight, that's all I've got for today. <3

If you made it this far, PM me and tell me something you want to see in the story! I'll make you a treat.

And if it don't fit in the story, I might be able to make a li'l drabble happen.

COMING SOON to Writing Notes Storytime:

Identity in this story and in stories in general

The Good, the Bad, and the Neutral: Alignment and Astarion (and some other ppl, too!) in BG3, DnD, and This Story lol

Stuff I'm forgetting bc I'm STILL not over this never-ending COVID fuckery

[brilliantfantasticgeronimo]

dw rewatch - takes on "the end of the world"

companion watch:

"the artic desert" hits different lol

something something bella vs the witch

rose's fear attack when she finds heres lf in the alien situation. she's genuinely terrified! it's a good beat, man. more than that, it's a rare beat. I get a lot of people don't vibe with it and prefer the more "buffy-esque approach, since it's "more to the point" and gets you larger than life figures… but personally I much prefer it when scifi/fantasy scenarios are portrayed as the terrifying reality they would be. also this: "ROSE: I just hitched a ride with a man. I don't even know who he is. He's a complete stranger"

war of the world vibes with the little robot fellas. /unintentional parallel to how cassandra dies and how the aliens in that book die?

"it gets inside and changes my mind, and you didnt even ask" "i didnt think about it like that" it's interesting that rose question this tbh

"five billion years in the future, my mum's dead" "bundle of laughs you are" /god i love this exchange. nine's constant attempt to downplay ANY surfacing of Real Emotions. rose's naivety in contemplating for the first time in her life that oh yeah, people die. the first statement of the "everything dies, everything ends" theme that will be woven throughout all the rtd era.

ngl i wish rose Did More in the plot of this episode, in terms of actually solving the crisis, feels like a stepdown after Rose giving her the most climatic moment... that said she does get a lot of great quibs in this one: "you two go pollinate and i'll go meet the family"/ "and i want you home by midnight!"/ "its better to die than to live like you, a bitchy trampoline" / "youre just lipstick and skin"

she's really similar to nine/ten in that aspect. they both have that "humor as defense mechanism" thing

blorbos:

the way nine and rose Lean in those stairs…. im Looking respectfully and im Thinking pure thoughts. (honestly ppl talk a lot about ten and rose's body language in s2 but there was A Lot going on with nine and rose as early as episode 1)

"all that counts is here and now" can't tell if zen mindfulness or a desperate defense mechanism to cope with ptsd.

first thing rose does is call her mum ): - Cassandra "I'm too young" vs Ten's "I was going to do so much more"...(ben wyatt voice) it's about the hypocrisy (oh having written this note before rewatching new earth... put a pin on that!)

timeless child retroactive continuity bonus: perhaps cassandra as "the last human" (not really a "human") paralleling "the last timelord" (not really a "timelord)? - "JABE: And what about your ancestry, Doctor? Perhaps you could tell a story or two. Perhaps a man only enjoys trouble when there's nothing else left". well post-s13 they're gonna enjoy themselves a lot more lol - there's something very anti-entropy about how the child gets to regenerate indefinitely without "losing" its essence and its dna integrity (vs cassandra's "flatness", the child gains more and more complexity as time passes).

colonialism/hegemony: - NINE: "mind you, when I say "the great and the good" what I mean is the rich." / "Five billion years and it still comes down to money" / this maybe be harsh,,, honestly i hate to say but doctor who sometimes really is just typical neolib """anti-capitalist""" fiction. - in the sense that it pretends to be anti-capitalist, but really is just capitalist realist. it's writers can imagine 203223 scenarios of the earth dying but they cannot conceive of a post-capitalist world, a classless society or simply a world without taxes. Of course you could say "this is so these stories are relatable" but even in their relatedness, there's rarely a portrayal of the anti-capitalist struggle (rather than just generic star wars-style, ideology-less "rebellions).- (that said, obligatory "I'm not a politics robot" disclaimer... "Do you think it's cheap, looking like this? Flatness costs a fortune." is an iconic retort lol) - there's also a kind of subtle Myth Of The Linear Progress Of History thing going on with cassandra being framed as someone who "stayed behind" and has not embraced this analogue to our "Color Blind Post Racial Society" which has "Obviously" outgrown prejudice and notions of racial purity. - "good thing i didn't take you to the deep south" / "you were to busy making cheap shots about the deep south" // parallels to-> "who do you think makes your clothes?" "Is that why you travel 'round with a human at your side? It's not so you can show them the wonders of the universe, it's so you can take cheap shots?" "sorry" . actually no rtd i dont think these are chepashots at all lol they are VERY relevant shots!! it's very transparent how the writers are kind of meek about making these *truly* transgressive points, but it's much easier to have the doctor argue that rose having a donor card is "a different morality"... again one is truly transgressive, the other is fun-but-no-challenging-of-the-hegemony scifi "dilemma". - the "quick word with Michael Jackson" line is doing A Lot but idek how to even begin to entangle it lol it's very 00s, for sure. - for once, a self aware one: "People have died, Cassandra. You murdered them." / "It depends on your definition of people, and that's enough of a technicality to keep your lawyers dizzy for centuries"

themes: - everything has its time and everything ends check your bingo cards. racial purity vs mixing vs 'progress'. class. life cycles. gut instinct (rose jumping the gun to empatise w/ the doc + nine going through the fans + rose reaction to the alien parade). destruction as tourism, as "artistic event" (an uncomfortable parallel to how this is what our heroes will be doing for the next 10+ seasons). - this episode does a bit of a u-turn on the previous (And the next) on its constant questioning of the intrinsic "meaning" of a physical body. in this, cassandra's continuous operations are framed as a kind of "lost of an essence". also the "surface" of her thinking as metaphor for her missing the "essence" of what it means to be human (biologically but more fundamentally, ethically).

Live Fast Die Young / YOLO / everyone deserves to be mourned. everyone deserves a dignified death. thread carefully and cherish life, because it will all be gone. our time is limited and short and it is because it is short that it means something. Life only means anything because there's Death.

ecology and environmentalism. "there are many species in that planet. mankind is only one / I'm a direct descendant of the tropical rainforest." obsessed with it. wish they brought back the rainforest.

[sadgirlbaby]

Hi! I don’t know if you’re accepting requests for matchups, if you aren’t feel free to ignore this, anyways If your matchups are open could I please request one with a character from AHS? <3

You can pick a character from any season, I don’t have a particular request although I’m on season 7 so I haven’t watched the others yet.

my pronouns are she/her and I’m asexual biromantic so any gender is fine. I’m an ESFJ and a Gemini. I have green eyes and short black hair, my haircut is similar to a soft mullet. I dress with goth/ fairy grunge clothes. I wear lots of rings and love to exchange them with others.

I’m the mom friend of the group, always there for everyone and my friends say that I’m really good at comforting people. I’m also calm and responsible, I usually am the one that takes care of other people. I’m very optimistic, I always try to see the good in everything and I often put other’s needs before my own, I would do everything for the people I care about and sometimes I’ve been told that I’m too kind for my own good. I have a sarcastic humor and I love making others laugh to lighten the situation, people say that I should be more serious and that I shouldn’t joke around so much. I don’t like when people tell me what to do and I’m not afraid to stand up for myself or for someone else. I also dislike when someone is too serious and really can’t take a joke as I tend to use humor as my coping mechanism. All my friends tell me I’m very smart. I also try to help my friends with study and school as much as possible. I’m also very ambitious, I always try to achieve my goals.

My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation.

I absolutely love listening to music, it helps me relax and I really like reading. I also love watching horror movies even though it’s impossible to scare me. I also play Dungeons and Dragons with my friends anytime I can. also, I absolutely love musicals and I’m definitely a theatre kid.

I really hope I did this right, have a great day :)

love your personality! and I match you with…

SALLY MCKENNA - season 5 / hotel

this post may contain mature content which includes - drug references.

sally always needs someone there for her. someone who can comfort her at any moment. you are her mommy in a sort of way. you help her and you use words to fix her disorder.

she loves horror so much. you girls always spend nights watching scary movies and laughing together.

you both love having a walk outside and listening to music. you’re in love with indie/hard-rock music. deftones are your favorite band.

sally is healing faster since she met you. step by step she’s starting to get distant to people. she understands that she doesn’t have to chase people when they don’t want her. you told her so many times that she’s an independent woman.

when she can’t get what she wants, you always stand up for her. sally appreciates that so much.

sally loves making jokes even when it’s an inappropriate situation but you both always laugh.

she prefers going to the cinema than going to the theater but she respects your opinion anyway.

she gives up easily. as she used to drug herself, she cannot stand difficult things. you always try to help her and make her understand that she matters. you’re literally dragging her to reach her dreams and even if she’s dead, nothing’s gonna stop you.

sally often borrow your clothes ‘cause you both have the same style.

sally is smarter than you think. you both like buying unresolved cases on the web and resolve them by your own.

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notes: it was hard to me choosing a character who could match your personality. I think sally would be the closest character to you. I didn’t know if you liked sally so I preferred putting neither smut references nor fluffy references. + it’s my first matchup ever and I would appreciate sm any tip so I may write better the next matchups!

——————————————————————

reminder: requests are always open and you can request about whoever you want. I consider any type of headcanons/one shots/stories/smuts/matchups!

+ I accept any kind of tip about my writing/grammar and also about the structure of the imagine/preferences post.

[ararexic]

Looking at ur posts abt "ana makes u stupid haha i cannot" just shows that you're not actually struggling with an restricting eating disorder and are probably treating it like is a diet. Spreading ignorant thoughts and saying shit like that isn't cool. Go study.

dawg who are you to tell me i don’t have an ed

this is MY ed. not yours. i am coping how i want to, humor being a big way to do so. if you don’t like idk what to tell you. you can always block me. i never treated it “like a diet.” if you don’t think it’s cool then okay that’s fine. i dont care. it’s my coping mechanism not yours.

[writtenonreceipts]

🍭🍙🔔

🍭 -- Favorite things to write about? -- So. I write as a means of therapy more often than not. I’ve always written to help me cope and express myself. If you’ve been following me for a while now, you know a lot of my fics include depression, anxiety and loss of a parent, usually the father. I’ve been fairly open about my mental health I think. But I don’t talk much about how I lost my own dad a little over a year ago. So, I write to help cope. It’s really been the best means of my understanding my own pain and experiences. Something else I love writing is humor and light hearted fics to. As much as processing my emotions is helpful--Fluff and fun is so, so fun. And if I can include beaches, whale, forests, nature, thats a win.

🍙 -- What story has had the biggest impact on you?-- @petalstofish . As a human, as a Jily writer--she has been such an incredible person to follow and get to know through tumblr and stalking on insta. Admittedly, I was feeling really down a while ago, sent an anon to her and her answer just made me feel better and helped encourage me with my writing. And when I read FYR as the fanfic and the novelization and just feeling and seeing the love of that book and story was remarkable.

The Way of Kings by Sanderson and the way the MC deals with and works through his own depression and suicidal ideation was and still is impactfull on me. Not to mention seeing how a fantasy world can be constructed effectively.

Beach Read and Book Lovers also were really impactfull too. It's been a while since a book made me cry and those two really got me. Especially given how they aren't fantasy and thats usually all I read. So those book were a delightful surprise to experience.

🔔 -- What compliment meant the most to you regarding your writing?

I had a former professor whom I respect a great deal tell me that my writing was remarkable and worthy of pursuit. And just a note here on sharing my writing, posting it on tumblr letting people critique it--it is incredibly vulnerable and gives me all the anxiety. I have never really seen myself amount to anything and their support helped me appreciate my writing and see it as more than just a coping mechanism and helped me see my goals could be achieved.

Really, you never know what your comments and encouragement can mean to someone.

And when I get comments as to my stories providing visceral reactions, being fun and enjoyable, loving each update...just anything...also means a lot. Really any sort of support is meaningful and makes me cry everytime.

[dzpenumbra]

4/30/23

Last night was difficult.

I don't think I mentioned it in my journal, maybe I did and I don't remember, idk, I'm going to tell the story anyway. I was watching a Red Dead stream last night and a girl who had been a subscriber in that channel for 7 consecutive years accidentally wrote a private message into the Twitch chat. And I mean really private.

(side note - ctrl+b, which is used for bold is right between ctrl+v [paste] and ctrl+n [new window in chrome]. And the undo on Tumblr is fucked. So... just... gonna point out how frustrating and inconvenient that is if you just slightly miss the b key and suddenly you either have a new window pop up or a paragraph of text just appears.)

This chick posted about like... really bad medical news. Like organ disease news. That she got that day. And she immediately asked mods to delete it, because she couldn't. And no one did. And there were like over 1000 people in there. And then these assholes started copying and pasting her message. At first just one. Then one who spent "channel points" to actually highlight the copied message. Then like 5 more. It... was really disturbing. Like... I struggle to see any humor in it, and I have a pretty open mind about humor. It really felt like someone saying "haha look, this chick has cancer!" As though... anyone is going to laugh about that...

Now... I know a thing or two about humor. Humor used to be my primary coping mechanism. And most humor is just that, it's a way of diffusing something incredibly uncomfortable or painful, and transforming it into something funny, something palatable. Something positive, even. And sometimes that can be a... compulsion for some people, a reflex, that they're not even really conscious of. But there's a skill to doing that. It takes effort, it takes practice, it takes skill. And there is nothing... buckle the fuck up, I'm going loud here... THERE IS NOTHING FUCKING LAZIER THAN COPYING AND PASTING SOMETHING AND CALLING IT FUNNY. <catches breath> Okay, just had to get that out. People man, I just don't understand. Do these fucking imbeciles really lack the brain cells to understand that making a joke about a serious medical condition should... I dunno... maybe be handled a little more tactfully than treating it like retweeting a fucking meme or something?

Again, I am not against jokes that test the line, and even outright cross it. At all. Pushing those boundaries is important, in its own way. But there's a goddamn reason why we only had one Don Rickles. There's a reason we had one South Park. One Jackass. There is an art to pushing boundaries, and it requires skill, charisma and confidence. And these people had none of the above. They were just... schoolyard bullies, trying to impress other schoolyard bullies. They were literally grown-ass schoolyard bullies, likely piss drunk at 4AM, watching a 38 year old man pretend to be a cowboy in a video game, and stumbled across what was pretty obviously a private message between a long-standing paying community member and likely a family member... and they decided they wanted to pants her in front of class. Like... this is a fucking cartoon of schoolyard bully behavior. And people were fucking laughing! People were like... chuckling and going along with it

I... I pulled up a private message to her. And I typed out "hey, what they're doing is really not cool and I'm really sorry all this is happening to you. It's really fucked up." And... I didn't send it. Any other lifetime, I would have sent it. But I didn't. And I don't even know why I don't anymore. I definitely didn't stand up for her in chat. I didn't even support her behind closed doors. But when she put a message in chat saying it was fucked up? I immediately tagged her and sent a heart emoji, like... lightning speed, to show she has my support. I just... I feel bad. It's self preservation, it has to be. Like... I don't want this mob turning on me... So I don't stick up for the grown adult that's being bullied by grown adults. Because there are people there whose job it's supposed to be to moderate that, and they were asleep at the wheel, and... I didn't want to overstep, and they sure as shit won't respect my opinion if I don't have a sword icon next to my name.

And the streamer, when he noticed? He chuckled. And was like, "come on guys, knock it off..." Like... it was a bunch of kids playing in the backyard by throwing knives at the dog or something, and that's his response. It made me super uncomfortable. That and the shit that went down in his Discord? Blatantly saying "we're mob-mentality around here, okay?" And the Native American character he made, and how... really insensitive he was with it... and how he pretty obviously got reported several times on it but straight up lied to his audience about it and has doubled-down so many times I can't even count. "Nah nah nah, Moondance isn't going anywhere guys, I'll play him whenever I want, I just don't feel like it tonight..." RIIIGHHHTTT... I just... I'm really turned off by it.

Fuck the internet, man. The internet is very blatantly advertising directly to children, who are the most profitable demographic on the internet, if you weren't aware... and Twitch specifically has developed a wagering system with fake internet points that you accumulate by spending time watching a streamer (more time = more ads = more $$ for Twitch = more fake points for the kids). And they call them. Get this. Tell me this isn't disgustingly corporate Amazon cliché. They call them "Predictions". It's not gambling marketed towards children to keep them on a website that makes money off of feeding them ads, no no no, it's placing a wager on a "Prediction". I'm not gambling on what the outcome is, with a payout ratio identical to a fucking horse track, nope, I'm just predicting what the outcome is going to be and if I get it right I get a neat prize! They specifically market their site to children. How have they not gotten this shut down yet?!

Okay, got a bit of that out of my system. Why the fuck am I telling this story from last night? Well... I had a night terror. I got about 4-5 hours of sleep, and I had a super intense nightmare. It was very vivid, but I didn't remember much except for the last bit. And... it took me a bit of journaling (I did dream journal, so yay on that) to really start to understand what it was about. I might as well paint a picture for you, it was super vivid and deeply meaningful for me.

I was in a location that represented my parents' basement. I grew up in that house from the ages of 11-18, very formative years. My parents are closeted hoarders, they hide it well. The basement was where everything went. I was down there with someone else, I don't remember who it was. I had found a book that was for me, that I felt bad I hadn't read because, when I was down there and started reading it, it was really interesting. It was part of a series, and it was an exploration and interpretation of the Bible through historical record, plausible science and comparison with other cultural ideologies/mythologies. It was... really cool, and right up my alley. Almost like something I would write, if I felt qualified. I read the part about Genesis I and as I was reading... I got that thing I get sometimes where the mental imagery gets really vivid. And this moment was really disorienting in a dream, and is even disorienting just trying to process how it even happened, because I was... dreaming... which is my imagination, my subconscious mind... and then within that dream I was reading a text and... my subconscious in the dream was conceptualizing the text visually. It was like a Russian Nesting Doll of subconscious visualization, it's absolutely mind-boggling that that's even possible. And this visualization was... essentially an early proto-Earth colliding with a very water-dense celestial object. My brain interpreted this very metaphorically, like big blob of water. And then the combination of these two qualities ended up nurturing an environment like hydrated and nutrient enriched soil. Again, a metaphor, like... water and collision were huge components in setting off the chain reaction that resulted in... life. And... there was some part in the text that was referring... where either that water-dense body or the proto-Earth likely came from. I don't really remember the details on that.

And then... after that... I remember the person I was with upsetting the streamer (who was there with a bunch of his friends in-character), and they left. And after I read and visualized all of that, as though I had read it out loud... he kinda knew. Honestly, I'm struggling to remember it, I'm going to get the journal real quick to refresh.

Okay, it looks like even in the journal right after I woke up I wasn't sure what had upset the streamer and the people he was with. I was reading that passage in the book in the moments leading up to him getting upset and leaving. The book had this section in it that was like MadLibs... like a simple mini-test to sorta... jog and concretize your memory of what the previous passage was about, so you could sorta... use your own brain to make the connections rather than just reading his wording. So, like... I wasn't sure if I upset him, or he witnessed the surreal visual experience I had and it upset him (because it was super vivid, like panic attack vivid, and very emotional), or maybe he knew what I read and that upset him? Maybe I accidentally read out loud and didn't realize? Or... maybe the person I was with upset him... Which, with this much time between me and the dream, seems like the most likely factor... But, either way, he got upset and left. Then... I could sorta... sense through the ceiling and walls in an almost x-ray kinda way that he was like... glaring at me. In a... judgmental, suspicious, skeptical way. In a "I'm on to you..." way. In a witch-hunty Inquisition kinda way. And that set off a massive panic response that immediately woke me up.

You know what? I reflected on this when I woke up, and it's actually really well put for 4 hours of sleep coming out of a panic attack. <pats self on back> So I'm just gonna transcribe it. Fuck it.

"I felt like I needed to impress him, and like I fucked up... which was embarrassing but passed quickly... but that turned into... genuine concern that I was in danger. Like lynching kinda danger, mob violence danger. And that's because I witnessed that last night. And the chick who was being bullied? She was like me. This crowd? These streamers? I keep gravitating towards confident bullies. Andrew Santino types. They're very talented, but their skill is a coping mechanism developed through trauma and conflict. Unprocessed trauma, typically. Because the coping mechanism is their greatest gift, and really their whole life and identity are built on it. I gravitate towards that talent. Being this aware of how these people think (because I was one of them) and how much influence they have, how followers will blindly obey them and they have thousands, made me scared of... as that guy so poetically said in my Twitch chat "(being) thrown in a river with a mill stone tied to (me)." For learning, and exploring ideas that they may consider heretical. But, more specifically, sharing them and being associated with them."

So... you can imagine how hard writing a journal entry like this can be sometimes. It feels really serious and risky, and really silly at the same time. It's not like the context I'm referring to is even... heretical, really... if anything it's trying to prove the Bible's validity! But... I've just seen a lot of dark shit in my study of humanity. A lot of dark, ignorant, zealous things that people do. And seeing that mob mentality last night? It just brought me back to that same old familiar fear. And that shit sticks, and can be hard to shake.

I'm getting really tired, so I want to kinda wrap up, so let me get to the crux of all of this.

Besides the obvious, this journal and this post, why would I be so anxious about sharing my personal beliefs publicly? 1). Family-induced trauma, let's just get that out of the way, so that explains the life-shattering severity. But the focus - I made my desire path project public today. I posted it. It was my only goal for the day. And I did it.

I put it on YouTube. It currently has 3 views and no one has watched it all the way through. I fucking hate analytics and I don't want to watch them anymore. So fucking stupid, as though you have any control over whether people give a fuck about your work. Yikes.

Then, I went into this whole pros and cons list of posting the full project on Instagram. Insta won't let you link shit, and I wanted to keep my videos all on YT because... habit, I guess? Maybe because my Rimworld series is still over there and I was hoping someone might actually give a fuck about that again someday. But after a long time going over it, I decided instead of trying to direct people to go to my profile, then go to my YT link... fuck that. I'm just going to post it there in full, too. And I did. And the grand reception? I got 2 likes. And a comment from my former "best friend", my former goddaughter's mother. And I do appreciate the sentiment. It's just been hard to process those memories.

I always wanted to be a dad. And in my 20's, I got to be her nanny for most of the week when she was around 1 year old. I was working nights and inverting my sleep schedule to drive up an hour each way to watch her during the week. I still have a picture from when I got there one day and comedically, melodramatically collapsed onto the couch in exhaustion and actually fell asleep with my legs hanging in the air off the couch and shit, right next to my goddaughter who was also passed out. And she fired me. Because I didn't "take her outside enough", which she never instructed me to do or taught me how to do. Not to mention the fact that she never paid me once, and I just... didn't ask for money? Because I was trying to be nice? Because both her and her husband were like... not parenting their infant child and just going and working jobs instead, while I watched their kid for them.

Meh, enough about that. See what it does to my head though? Nostalgia is nice... sometimes... but it can be bitter, and if you have an especially dicey past, it can turn sour real quick. So... I do appreciate her sentiment, she left a really kind compliment that seems sincere. And the emotional processing from the past? That's my job, I gotta just remember... that's in the past. I just... I feel bad for my goddaughter, and I miss her. She was the closest thing to a daughter I've ever had, besides my dog and cat, of course. The closest thing to a human daughter I've ever had. And she may not have a great role model for like... healthy emotional regulation. And I worry about her. And I do kinda feel like... that's kinda part of the godfather thing, to step up and like... be there. But at this point? I was envisioning this when I was making dinner. I feel like if I ever even do that, I'm going to be the uncle or aunt figure at the family dinner that they haven't seen in 10 years and pulls the teenage kid aside and goes "you know, I used to change your diapers, do you remember me? No? It's okay, well... if you ever need to like... talk or anything, I'm always here for you." And they'll wince through the awkwardness and then go off and play something on their phone and sigh and mutter "weirdo". But like... is it worse to not even try?

That's a quandary for another day, I just went down that line of thought because I was kinda imaginatively strategizing what might happen if my former friend messaged me. To... prepare myself.

So yeah, lots of ups and downs today. Sleep deprivation, panic, nap, social media strategy, posted the video, made dinner, watched streams, Risk of Rain, journal, and off to bed we go.

Gonna try to sneak a quick shower in before bed, screw it, see if that helps with more relaxing sleep.

To end on a more uplifted note... The Path was one of the more ambitious projects I've taken on. It was very new, super conceptual, very "risky" regarding whether anyone would "get it", also very tedious and demanding. I did the 100 runs in Minecraft, with 3 screenshots per run. I hand-drew each path, twice. I animated each path individually. I composed, played and recorded 12 minutes of original music for 4 guitars, bass and drums. I wrote the script, I recorded the voiceover (on Easter day!). I hand-drew and animated the parts of the voiceover that I couldn't really figure out what to put under, as though they were being drawn on a whiteboard. I shot cinematic B-roll in Minecraft, Google StreetView and a real life National Park. I edited it all together.

And now... it's done.

Fuck crowd reception, this was months in the making. I am goddamn proud of myself.

[amberfaber40]

Ridiculous Situations And Funny Punchlines 22 New Comics By This Artist

Ridiculous Situations And Funny Punchlines 22 New Comics By This Artist

We occasionally experience days when it appears as though our entire world is crumbling, therefore we sometimes need a break. Many people use reading comics as a coping mechanism for the extremely stressful world we live in. With that being said, we're rather confident that "Cheddar Bacon Studios" will brighten your day.

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There have been many instances in our history where someone warned us about something, but we didn't listen at all. It seems that before almost any major event, a doctor, scientist, or politician already knew the outcome, but was simply ignored. It seems to be a repeating pattern, so the question this Redditor asked sparked a lot of interest from internet users.

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Here’s how to do an effective brain dump and create a productive action plan. Grab a printable ‘brain dump page’ -- the perfect tool for overwhelmed overthinkers.

83points FacebookPinterestTwitter We occasionally experience days when it appears as though our entire world is crumbling, therefore we sometimes need a break. Many people use reading comics as a coping mechanism for the extremely stressful world we live in. With that being said, we're rather confident that "Cheddar Bacon Studios" will brighten your day.Jared, the artist behind the comics, has been previously featured on Bored Panda and you can find more of his comics by clicking here!More info: Facebook | Instagram cheddarbaconstudios ReportJust like last time, Bored Panda reached out to Jared with some new questions! First, we asked the artist if he has any upcoming series of works we should be looking forward to."I have several ideas for a series that I will (hopefully!) begin developing shortly. I would LOVE to try my hand at animation or cartoons. I have so many stories to tell of my family growing up that I believe many people would find, well, unbelievable. While comics are a fun way to tell these stories, I feel that the only justifiable way to share these humorous events is through animation with narration. Something along the lines of Jaiden Animations or Ice Cream Sandwich on YouTube." cheddarbaconstudios Report cheddarbaconstudios ReportWe also wanted to know if the artist had a comic he was proud of, and we thought it was only fair if he'd share his thoughts with us!"My favorite comic that I have made and that I am most proud of is my 'Dentists' comic. We've all been to the dentist, and they tend to be a little rough when it comes to flossing our mouths. Even I, a dedicated flosser, come away from the dentist with some sore gums afterward. But for those who do not floss, it can sometimes be a literal bloodbath! Of course, the more we floss our teeth, the less likely it is we will bleed! But it's still fun to think that some dentists are simply out for blood." cheddarbaconstudios Report cheddarbaconstudios ReportArtists go through a few art phases trying to find the art style they could call their own, one of the things that can help with that is expanding beyond your comfort zone, as stated by Jared himself."I would love to develop my skills as an artist in general. The brushes I use for my comics are fairly basic, so I would like to expand my expertise and incorporate brushes and techniques that yield more detailed comics. There are some truly talented comic artists out there, such as Zipfreeman, who can craft beautiful watercolor comics. One of my favorite comics that uses watercolor brushes is my 'Lord of the Rings' comic. I love the way that one turned out!" cheddarbaconstudios Report cheddarbaconstudios ReportStarting out with comics (or art in general) isn't easy, so we asked the artist if he had any tips to share."My advice for other comic creators is that they should take the extra time to improve their comics as much as possible. Too often we look at our creations and think, 'good enough' and post them without giving them a second thought. Sometimes I will finish a comic and want to post it right away, but I take a step back, maybe even sleep on it, and come back to the comic with a fresh mindset to see how I feel about the comic. Sometimes it's good to go! But other times I will find a mistake, or I rewrite the comic to help it flow better. Just take that extra time and make it the best comic that it can be." cheddarbaconstudios Report cheddarbaconstudios ReportWhen we look at a piece of art, what happens is that we usually perceive some sort of emotion, whether it's positive or negative is entirely up to us, but in the end, the artist still has achieved a certain goal - a reaction. We asked Jared to share with us what he'd like for people to take away when looking at his comics."The main idea that I would like my audience to take away from my comics is that life can be very difficult, but we can always look on the bright side even when times are hard. It's imperative that we look back on those trying times and laugh at them or learn from them. Like a baby having an accident on your face, or a dog, well, also having an accident on your face! It's terrible at the moment, but now you have such a funny story to share with family and friends. It can be challenging to have this mindset, but if we can find a way to focus on the positive aspects of our lives, then we will be much happier in the end." cheddarbaconstudios Report cheddarbaconstudios ReportFor some people, art is not only a hobby, but something way more, and it seems that Jared certainly has his own goals he wants (or hopes) to accomplish when it comes to his comics."My goal is to make a career out of making comics and animations. Drawing has always been a passion of mine, but it can be tough to put food on the table while being an artist. I currently work full-time in a job that is manageable and I enjoy it, but it is not my ideal career path. On top of this, I am going to school to receive my master's degree in humanities, and I am a reservist in the United States Army, so finding free time to draw comics can be difficult. I would love to get to the point where I can support my family with my creations while also being able to provide my audience with more comics and animations." cheddarbaconstudios Report cheddarbaconstudios ReportMost creators tend to receive some type of comments about their work pretty much every day, but sometimes some of them stand out more so than others."One of my favorite comments is from an older comic of mine, which shows what it feels like to be tested for Covid. In the comic, the medical personnel administering the Covid test gets a little too carried away with how deep he pushes the cotton swab into a person's nose to the point where his whole hand is up in there. Someone commented, 'Can confirm, felt like the worker was trying change my mind manually.' Comments like these come once in a blue moon and I'm always jealous of a comment that is funnier than the comic itself." cheddarbaconstudios Report cheddarbaconstudios ReportLastly, we were curious to find out if Jared had any other hobbies besides making art!"One of the new hobbies that I have been getting into lately is board games! I always knew about the standard board games like Monopoly or Life, but once I was introduced to Settlers of Catan I became obsessed! I bought expansion after expansion and would bring them with me to family gatherings and force everyone to play. I eventually expanded beyond Catan and started researching other board games that fit my interests to the point where we have an entire wall dedicated to board games. Some of my favorites include King of Tokyo, Forbidden Island (or Desert), and Here to Slay, just to name a few. If you come over to my house, be prepared to play a few board games.;) I've made it a personal goal to one day work with a team of board game creators to illustrate and design a new board game that I would enjoy playing with my family." cheddarbaconstudios Report cheddarbaconstudios Report cheddarbaconstudios Report cheddarbaconstudios Report cheddarbaconstudios Report cheddarbaconstudios Report cheddarbaconstudios ReportAdd New Image Add Your Photo To This ListPlease use high-res photos without watermarksUpload PhotoNot your original work? Add sourcePublish Like what you're reading? 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Ok": Employee Leaves Work During An Emergency Because Manager Wouldn't Approve His Overtime Clueless Director Calls For A Meeting Over Mass Resignation After Company Cancels WFH, Employee Explains It In A Way He Would Understand "An Entitled Mother Insists That I 'Share' My Nintendo Switch With Her Child On My Flight" Woman Wears Red Dress To Cousin's Wedding To Show That She Slept With The Groom First, But The Bride Outsmarts Her 30 Informative And Fun Food Charts For Anyone Trying To Eat Smarter 30 Of The Most Spine-Chilling Things Kids Have Ever Said, As Shared In This Viral Twitter Thread

[thewrongjackpot]

Who needs to blog anymore when you have a therapist?

It’s been some time; more than just a hot minute. I had to look back and see how long it’s been. It’s been about nine or so months since talking about scans. I think from that appointment I was given a therapy contact and started up not too long afterwards. I feel that’s been bearing much of my emotional and mental weight lately. It seems pretty obvious that it’s something I should be doing, and here, I feel the need to justify going because of cancer trauma. Yet I, even without it, still probably end up going at some point. Cancer was just an extreme catalyst to get me to start. I can only use humor as a coping mechanism for so long. I was getting to a point where the dying jokes were becoming more frequent and getting old. It always makes me think of the scene from “Friends” where Phoebe is dating a therapist, and he asks Chandler something along the lines of “What happens when the jokes stop?”. 

Therapy has been good. I had learned about what secondary trauma is from my husband, and during much of the post-treatment times, I tried to stay conscious about what degree of information I divulged to certain people about how I’m doing. Because there are so many layers to all of this, and if they knew all the thoughts that cross my mind, all my anxieties, and just much of what I have to internalize, they’d surely be left with secondary trauma (assuming they actually cared). And I think the part that scares me is that dealing with the thoughts about “what if cancer ‘won’, and I died” are the easier ones. 

I talked to my therapist about how I’ll do certain things in “attention-seeking behavior” fashion like pull up my sleeves and causally put my Sally arm out into the world so that maybe it’ll act as heads up that something isn’t quite right with me. I think I’ve been using this platform as a way to indirectly, yet, directly tell people what’s going on in my head/what I’m dealing with. Like I’m not specifically telling someone this; someone chose to read it. Yet I’ll do things like post on my IG story that I dropped a new blog… so how indirect is it really? (I already know I’ll be guilty in the future …like how did you get here?) I think I use it as a way to absolve myself from some of the guilt of potentially traumatizing others by telling myself that they chose to read it; I’ve done my job and put out disclaimers. A part of it is in needing and wanting to be heard while at the same time not wanting to be a (direct) burden on someone else. 

I have this need to want to protect others from everything I’m going through, for example, my parents. I think it’d break their hearts to know all that I’m dealing with. Maybe I’m self-absorbed, but I feel that any caring and loving parent wouldn’t want to see their child handling everything I am or generally, someone dealing with very traumatic experiences. I can only imagine feeling fairly helpless. I’m not a parent (and who knows if I ever will or could be… and that’s a whole other set of onion layers), but I think that deduction isn’t far out-of-pocket. I’m very concerned with the toll my trauma could have on one of my loved ones (again, with the self-absorption). Thus, therapy is a safe space for me to just unload, unpack, and healthily work through much of what I hold back from others. 

Then there’s this weird atmosphere I create by internalizing much of it that it may give the impression that everything is fine. Then it feels odd if it’s not acknowledged, but I’m the one putting out this vibe that it doesn’t need to be talked about. Yet, I can sometimes feel forgotten if I’m not checked in on, but at the same time, I’m like, get off my back, I’m fine. It’s a weird space to be in.

I recently saw a TikTok…or a movie…? that talked about perception. How you’re the only you you’ll ever know, and that the only “true” you only exists in your head. Everyone else has their own version of you based on their perception of you. It’s been sitting with me lately. Thinking back to when I was going through treatment and people left and right were saying how strong I was or I’m a warrior for going through all of this. Not something I hear as often now as I’m done with treatment. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely hate hearing it (pure cringe). However, the funniest aspect about it all, is that from my perspective, treatment, surgery, and all of that was the easiest part thus far. So much of that was dictated. I had all my appointments scheduled. We had a protocol for when certain things went wrong. I had doctors and medical staff essentially running the whole show. All I had to do was show up; driving my ass to appointments, as often as I could. Sitting in the hospital for a month or so at a time. I had no real choice outside of “let myself die”. I just had to show up; that’s it. I survived. I didn’t have to worry about anything else. My life was so regimented I didn’t have capacity to deal with or focus on anything other than showing up and sometimes rooting for my body to not kill me. I’m left with imposter syndrome from others thinking and saying I’m some strong person. 

And life moves on, treatment ends. I’m still around. There’s this err of “everything is generally okay now”, which depending on how you look at it, could be true. But all of this “after” has by far been the hardest part, again, from my perspective. Trying to reintegrate back into this unforgiving world with my new “normal”. Life keeps on going and stops for no one. There are days where it takes every ounce of me to just keep trying. Finding happiness in what pockets I can. Celebrating even the smallest wins. Rule 32: Enjoy the little things. Dying or having died is easy. It’s the living and finding reason to live that’s hard, even without the cancer sprinkles. I want to be hopeful and optimistic about this world and the rest of whatever life is gifted to me. There’s this persistent fight in my head against fully submitting to nihilism. I don’t want to be labeled (perceived) as that sad sap that gave up or let grief and anger be the drivers of my world. Being angry and/or sad at the universe changes nothing that’s already happened. It really just is what it is (sidenote: I legitimately want to get “It is what it is” tattooed somewhere eventually. I’ve lived by this long before cancer came along). 

ANYWAYS, as you can tell, I’m very much in my head. Just some later night rambles from your favorite failed X-Men. If you’ve got this far, do what you will with all this information.

[mformarsala]

Government: You can leave quarantine

My introverted ass from under a rock: ...do I have to?

[cursedfortune]

i was talking to someone earlier regarding my nsfw blog inquiries and it got me thinking about things i’ve mentioned but not outright said - not that i can remember, anyways.

but whether we have roleplayed together or never have, are old mutuals or new, i am always cool with talking out character stuff to determine a ship or putting together a pre-established relationship of some kind.

i made that post last year regarding smut rpers coming around and wanting to engage and being mad about it not because they are smut rpers - but because they weren’t listening or reading my rules and about. they’d see mortem being teasing or playful because humor is her coping mechanism and assumed action was to be found here. and i appreciated the directness in a lot of them. i have fun writing smut, even if i drop it or choose to fade to black cause brain. but if my partners want to set up a direction to go in, i’m all for it. i have a good handle on mortem, i can usually predict how things will go if we talk it out - but i will still rely on the actual chemistry in a thread to be the final thing that determines it.

if you come to with a concept in mind. whether it’s a ship, a verse/au, a combo of them, whatever-- i want to hear it. it gives me new things to consider exploring with someone. if you have something in mind you want to do, you are allowed to share it. i don’t care if it’s soft, horror-related, violent, angst, romance or if you just come interested in figuring out a smut plotline. look, i worked in a bookstore, the romance/smut section was the biggest. and even if all the covers looked the same to me i still had fun organizing that bitch to make sense. and i will try and do so with any thread (or multiple threads) we aim for - so long as it doesn’t terribly change mortem’s core function as a witch.

i know i’ve gotten slow and sluggish over the year (including last year (and especially the end of the year prior) when i needed a break due to not good stuff) but despite me meter being shit i am always interested in figuring stuff out and getting it off the ground. i’m available to chat or roleplay on here or on discord. i think, for now, i’ve decidetd to keep my censored stuff on here as i have been and keep my uncensored stuff on discord for the moment? mainly because as much as i like the sideblog option, i don’t know yet if my energy is quite there to manage it. and i like all my content in one place, usually. especially under a read-more when regarding suggestive content. but i’m still undecided.

ANYWAYS if you read this far, thanks. i’m mostly rambling but. idk. i just appreciate how patient my partners are even though i’m sure i can be frustrating to deal with. or maybe disingenuous. i can only make these posts now and then or tell you guys privately these things as a reassurance and invite and hope you are willing to take the benefit of the doubt. or some phrase that may fit better? ^^ have a good day/night and i hope you are all staying safe. <3