#my family thinks its funny to make jokes abt it like its not an active eating disorder that im allowing to kill me :3c

[triggeringtommy]

i smoked all my weed n now im like ugh gonna try n take a break from it and just keep gettin my lil nic vapes once a week andddd im gonna tryyyyy to take my meds but it's just annoying having to take them to be told I'm normal or im more pleasant to be around lmfao why can't i just od or be a semi functioning addict again being sober is tough stuff yall fr fr i want 2 drink n be fine but that always leads me to other things :( Thank God I live with 3 other stoners so if I'm rly down bad ill be fine w/o my own weed but like I'm rly tryna focus on Only depending on my prescribed medications aside from nicotine :) fuckkkkkkkkkkkķkkkkkkkkkkkk im gonna overshare in the tags ;)

[conanssummerchild]

my own ranking of every rick and morty episode, inspired by the lovely @fandomwe1rd0 :3

sorry this is a bit scattered, the random quotes are just lines that i liked/found funny. i had to shorten all my reasonings by a fuck ton bcs i was just going on forever lmao, so if some things feel kinda cut off, that's why.

i binged all of rick and morty in like a week to make this, just to make sure the ranking was fully accurate to me and it took me way to long but i'm finally done !!

btw this isnt a ranking of which episodes are objectively the best, its very biased and just my personal opinions, im aware some epsiodes definitely shouldnt be as high as they are but a lot of them are just my comfort episodes 🤷

f tier: episodes i actively dislike, have little to no redeeming qualities.

71. rickdependance spray: audibly said "oh, fuck no." when i realised this was next. the rest of weird-ish episodes have some redeeming points but this one just has no plot relevance and isnt very funny.

70. raising gazorpazorp: main reason i dislike this episode is the end credit, it reminds me of when i was listening to family line and my dad insinuated conan was making it up and that if i got famous i'd do the same, like, no, if i talk abt what a shitty dad you are its bcs you were a shitty dad, do better. anyway i just thought it was an unfunny joke. due to daddy issues. also its just a boring episode.

69. a rickconvenient mort: summer and rick's storyline was ok but not enough to make up for how much i hate planetina. i liked beth in this episode. rick and summer's dynamic was nice too, but unhealthy.

e tier: episodes i don't dislike, just find boring/have bad elements but more redeeming qualities.

68. m. night shaym-aliens!: the little crystal wrestle was adorable. other than that not a super memorable episode.

67. rise of the numbericons: the movie: i didn't hate it but compared to the rest of s7 it was pretty weak. i think mr goldenfold is funny, but not enough to get his own episode. it would've been more entertaining if rick was in it lets be real, i missed him.

66. interdimensional cable 2: tempting fate: i care very little about jerry's penis. the interdimensional cable was good as usual though.

65. how poopy got his poop back: fine episode, not my fav. i liked seeing bp and squanchy again.

64. edge of tomorty: rick die rickpeat: "Damn, Morty, you're bad at maths, but I'm giving you an a-plus in confidence!" an okay episode.

63. rick: a mort well lived: pretty weak episode to follow solaricks. summer's die hard was good. some cool emotional components.

62. rattlestar ricklactia: "Hey, Morty, listen. I can tell you're pretty upset about the whole snake encounter thing, so I'll tell you what. I'm just gonna go ahead and avoid you for the rest of the day." rnm were kind of cute at the end. yk, until rick punched morty in the face :/.

61. the jerrick trap: sorry ik a lot of ppl love this episode but tho burger & fries were cute characters its not all that for me. memory rick's return, however, was all that. i love him.

60. childrick of mort: "Oh my god, grandpa, you fuck boy." rick being a space nerd <3. loved to see more of beth and rick together but other than that this episode was kinda mid.

59. amortycan grickfitti: honestly made me feel bad for jerry which isnt easy, i sort of liked rick here, he seemed reluctant to let the hell demons make fun of jerry, he still did, but even apologised with only a little prompting. can't say the same for beth. summer and morty were sweet in this episode, i wish we would get more of them.

58. rickmancing the stone: "I don't know why I'm crying." "Well... try crying 15% less?" not bad, i liked the emotional components.

57. mortynight run: again, not super memorable to me. the roy montage was good. You kind of wasted your 30's, though, with that whole birdwatching phase." the animation for the song was great.

d tier: mostly okay to good episodes with minor faults that i can look past in the general scheme of the episode.

56. one crew over the crewcoo's morty: fucked up what rick did to morty. and to mr pb, his life went to shit after this, bcs of rick.

55. night family: had some great moments, but wasnt my fav.

54. anatomy park: loved dr bloom, john oliver voiced him perfectly.

53. lawnmower dog: sweet scenes between rnm. liked the dream inceptor, loved scary terry, snuffles was good too but not as much.

52. claw and hoarder: special ricktims morty: "Are you gonna slay it?" "First off, i always slay it, queen. Secondly, yes." summer being on morty's side was nice. while the soul orgy was a bit weird, the rest of this episode was pretty entertaining which is why its higher up, sorry.

51. bethic twinstinct: jerry saying he would khs, not cool jerry fuck you. "You ladies discuss responsibility while i get stoned and play video games with your kids." the end 💀 i felt bad but it was funny lol.

50. final desmitation: maybe my fav ep of jerry and rick's relationship. i liked seeing rick disapprove of them making fun of jerry, had some funny moments and i even liked jerry here.

49. a rick in king mortur's mort: not the best but i enjoyed rickbot being nice to morty. also this episode sets up for rmrm which i love.

48. promortyus: morty's little yee-haw 😭. and their conversation, so sweet. taking the adderall line as an adhd rick confirmation. "It is my thing. Just like yours is dying alone," get his ass. i feel like the romance couldve been a compelling story if the hosts werent rnm.

47. the whirly dirly conspiracy: rick's take on jerry was accurate. "But no, like father like goddamn daughter! You wanna be like Rick? Congratulations, you're just as arrogant and just as irresponsible!" morty ate. i prefered summer and beths storyline to rick and jerry's.

c tier: solid, episodes, some have a few faults but theyre small

46. mort: ragnarick: it's so high up because i found rick to be likeable and liked his dynamic with morty. ricks clone was cute too.

45. look who's purging now: "Screw you, Rick! I'll purge you too, you old rickety piece of crap!" rnm's storyline was great, i liked arthrisha.

44. the ricks must be crazy: "I dropped out of school. It's not a place for smart people." "Ohhhh, snap!" lmao literally my reaction. "Ooh. Wow. Gaaay!" "That is pretty gay." not much more to say, good ep.

43. never ricking morty: rnm were sweet in this ep. the gay ass song with rick and bp. "Rick are you– do you need to go to the hospital?" the forehead kiss was sweet. (we're ignoring "Lips if you want.")

42. mort dinner rick andre: mr nimbus is a great character. the wine storyline was a bit boring. "I havent been to a full week of school in years! I don't know shit!" love the peek at rick's backstory too.

41. rick potion #9: important lore episode. some funny bits. morty was a little creepy in this one. i love jerry primes character development. first look on down from the bridge moment !!

40. forgetting sarick mortshall: "What are you, eight? Is this macaroni art? You expect me to believe you built this because you don't care?" liked ricks storyline and he actually does seem to be showing minor development. the end song was good. liked garbage goober's lore.

39. morty's mindblowers: rick removing whatever memories he wanted was fucked up. rick saying granite instead of granted will always be funny. also him losing in chackers and skiing into a tree.

38. mortyplicity: entertaining enough if a little convoluted, i liked it though. sweet moment between the decoy family, shame they died.

b tier: good to great episodes.

37. big trouble in little sanchez: actually liked jerry and beths storyline in this one. tiny riiick !! "old rick! ruining everything!" good episode.

36. pilot: good intro, sets the tone. rick is such a dick (affectionate). rnm's dynamic !! the animation is great. overall great episode.

35. pickle rick: ik its a overrated but i think its good. hes pickle riiiick. dr wong's speech to rick was actually really good and accurate.

34. meeseeks and destroy: rick was such a whiny bitch this episode (affectionate), up until the mr jellybean stuff, which i liked bcs it was handled well by the writers and rick was actually very sweet.

33. rick and morty's thanksploitation spectacular: president curtis' alcoholic sci-fi boyfriend is probably my favourite way rick has been refered to in the show LOL. overall i enjoyed this episode.

32. something ricked this way comes: idc now but, the first time watching rick's r slur speech it was obnoxious and offputting. summer and rick were great, i adore their dynamic, love summer and rick episodes, but idrc for jerry's storyline, he bores me so bad.

31. full meta jackrick: "Rick can't change, Morty. Change is what you might call his Kryptonite." there were a lot of things i liked abt this ep.

30. vindicators 3: the return of worldender: very good episode. forever a believer that the ride was for morty and rick just chickened out.

29. a rickle in time: the va for the testicle monster was great. beth and jerry's storyline also wasn't bad. rick jumping into the hole and sacrificing his life for morty, im sobbing. great episode.

28. the vat of acid episode: morty trying to make rick feel better about not being able to make the thing was very sweet. morty's relationship with that girl was adorable, so sad it was erased by jerry's dumb ass /lh. fuck rick in this episode. the end was funny.

27. rixty minutes: while i do love interdimensional cable this episode would've been lower if it wasn't for all the character moments. "You can't leave, you're 17." "Yeah, and I'm not pregnant. I'm gonna have better judgement than you guys had at my age." loved summer getting screentime. beth and jerry's moment was quite sweet.

26. ricksy business: bp and squanchy !!! >:) bp coming through with the deep speech. the montage of rick morty and summer at the end is so adorable i love them sm <3. "I love my grandkids." "Aw :)." "Psych, just kidding, my new catchphrase is i dont give a fuuuck!"

25. get schwifty: first president curtis episode !! i love him. love morty and bp interactions haha. "In bird culture, this is considered a dick move." "It is random debris. I found it in my carpet. I don't know what humans eat." crying i love him sm. one of my personal favs lol :).

24. juricksick mort: tbh i mostly like this ep bcs of "You pompous autistic cadaver!" but there was other good moments and it was entertaining. rick was funny and likeable and very much a disaster of a human being, as i was promised when i started watching rnm.

23. star mort rickturn of the jerri: space beth !! "You cosplay as your shitty father in his 30's." "Its funny. I always wondered who would win if we ever fought." "Then you were always a bad friend." :(. "Holy shit, I'm a terrible father." i forgot how good this episode was, very angsty.

22. total rickall: genuinely love this episode. KEITH DAVID >:D. rick's "weird made-up sounding catchphrases" compilation is one of my fav moments in the show lol, everyone looks so concerned 💀.

21. rest and ricklaxation: "Grandpa's here." SOBBING. "Because you kept drunk-dialing me and crying about it!" "I wasn't crying!" loved jessica and ricks dynamic lol. great episode.

20. rickfending your mort: great follow up to unmortricken, i like that rick doesnt just go back to normal and we see it takes a while and even then its only bcs morty steps in. morty making up titles for all their adventures is adorable. great sweet scenes between rnm.

19. the rickchurian mortydate: autistic rick !! also minecraft. the president is such a pathetic loser lol <3. i loved rick and morty being on the same wavelength in this episode. the ending was good.

18. wet kuat amortycan summer: summer-centric episode !! rick was likeable, liked seeing him clumsy getting his grove back. him saying summer reminds him of diane again, he's getting so much more open, im so proud, can you imagine s3 rick being sincere like that?

17. close rickcounters of the rick kind: best s1 episode, love citadel episodes. evil morty !!!!! some funny moments. "You're crying? Over a Morty?" sobbing. "Yeah, but wheres the transmitter?" and the evil morty song oh god, best scene ever fr. i love my evil guy :3.

s tier: outstanding episodes, the 16 best imo.

16. that's amorte: FANTASTIC episode, the end montage is the only part of any rnm episode thats made me cry a little, it would be higher up but i have some personal favs which i put higher. i feel like this episode was very classic rnm after having them separated half of s7.

15. the old man and the seat: jerry and morty's dynamic is pretty funny. tony and rick's storyline was fantastic. some pretty angsty stuff. "The saaaddest piece of garbage in the entire cosmos."

14. the abc's of beth: rick and beth episode !! rick saying that an adventure clearly needs morty in it, aw. i did not care about jerry's storyline at all. beth had no right being so relatable in this ep.

13. ricktional mortpoon's rickmas mortcation: rick relapsing into finding prime !! "I'm not touching that thing. I'll get neurotypical cooties." ok, so ik a lot of ppl don't like the speech rick said to morty, but i do, he was going through a LOT, this clearly took him quite a few steps back in development and healing, i think it was less bad than a lot of other things he's done and way more justified.

12. fear no mort: loved morty getting his time to shine, LOVED diane and rick. morty realising rick wasn't in the hole has to be one of the best moments in the show. rick not going in the hole at the end bcs morty told him not to, hope some day he'll get to the point of doing things for morty in front of him so he can realise how much he cares.

11. analyze piss: look at rick asking dr wong for advice. him relating to piss master :(. also i read a phenomenal fic abt this ep (tw sh) (link).

10. air force wong: UNITY RETURNS! Rick was kinda childish in this episode but i feel like it was justified, he wasn't being a dick just bcs, he was hurting, and he even kinda apologised to summer, hes trying. rick going to drink with the president instead of being alone.

9. the rickshank rickdemption: RICK PRIME. "That, diane, is the last great idea that will ever be had in this garage." :((((. ricks backstory. "he's not a villan, summer, but he shouldn't be ur hero." fantastic ep.

8. rickmurai jack: love two crows rick. rick's full "crybaby" backstory !! "Now you're evil morty, too. sooner or later we all are. on this side of the curve." THE END OH GOD. THE MUSIC. EVIL MORTY LETTING OUT A SIGH OF RELIEF. INSANE finale.

7. gotron jerrysis rickvangelion: rick is so spectacularly autistic in this one. i like how he doesnt silly hyperfixtate, he full on unhealthy hyperfixtates. i practically know this ep off by heart. comfort ep fr.

6. rickternal friendshine of the spotless mort: im not sorry for putting this up so high, i love this ep so fucking much. memory rick is so silly i love him sm. "You were a good friend, Rick. Goodbye." the blood ridge confession makes me FERAL. i can quote it word for word.

5. the wedding squanchers: THIS EPISODE. rick watching bp die in front of him. rick turning himself in :(. "everyone i know goes away in the end." the music was so good. "he's not coming back, is he?"

4. the ricklantis mixup: best citadel ep, fight me. j-22 trying to save simple rick only to suffer the same fate :(. slick jumping into the wishing portal. the ending was phenomenal, every single storyline was amazing and important. and evil morty returns.

3. auto erotic assimilation: love unity and ricks dynamic. blim blam humbling beth and jerry. jerry using the weed whacker right in front of the garage where rick just attempted. and no one notices. bc that's how it is. "do you feel it?" is a great song. maybe this ep is higher than it should be but it's my comfort ep, it means so much to me.

2. solaricks: first time we get to see dimension c-137 out of a flashback !! "I hope Summer knows what happens to the people you love!" "Oh, am I cool enough for you now? Well, that was easy. It only cost me fucking everything." "I don't know him. You're my grandpa, rick." rip jerry prime, my fav jerry. THIS EPISODE IS PHENOMENAL.

1. unmortricken: ok anyone who knows me knows this is my fav ep bcs i never stfu abt it. i mean, evil morty backstory, rick beating prime to death, GOD. ian cardoni was COOKING with the delivery of those lines, and the lines were fantastic. some good rnm moments. the angst is so good. "How's it feel? Better? No? Exactly the same? Yeah, it always does." best look on down from the bridge moment.

i keep going over this a million times just to make sure everything is perfect but idk, some episodes are maybe interchangeable, im just going to post it bcs its been rotting in my drafts for quite a while now, everyone promise you dont hate me for putting an episode 1 slot too high or low /j

and sorry for all the jerry hate in this post, i dont hate him i just find him boring, so eps where he's the centre tend to be lower on the list.

[catboyklug]

sam & max hcs

title

this is specifically for sam & also max bc im most confident w my interpretations of them but once i play & finish tdp i'll make a post for every single other character .

quick disclaimer that this is for my sorta-AU thing where i make sense of the games and cartoon and comics by saying that each was an autobiographical (or just biographical) piece of media that they signed their rights away to. the comics were more or less exactly what happened, the cartoon was scripted half the time (with the bad day on the moon episode actively having been staged) and the games are more or less 1:1 to what happened except for the occassional references to them being. games.

also this isnt a totally exhaustive list

sammy

canon to get it outta the way: he's black, bisexual, autistic and might be trans & objectum (i hc him to definitely be the last two lmao) . i hc he has Narcissistic Traits tee em and also might have OCD

he started developing arthritis in his 20's, which was made only worse by his horrible posture due to his career path of Massive Fucking Nerd. though he fixed his back posture-wise by the time he formed the freelance police, he still is in a lot of pain near constantly.

even when he makes jokes, he wants to be taken seriously at all times. he wants you to laugh at his cleverness, not at the fact that you find him inherently funny. he tends to take this a bit far sometimes, which is part of one of the many reasons as to why he treated max so terribly in the early telltale games

since he was a pup he's tried to hide the fact he's bisexual, even if he's completely normal abt max being out as gay and doesn't see an issue with it in any sense of the term

he really wanted to be an engineer for years, but the intense sexism of the field, a desire to stick around with max, and the fact that other jobs would pay him better lead him to abandon the thought

though he wouldn't mind having children, he doesn't actively want them as much as max does. this doesn't mean he dislikes children at all, though - he actually likes them more than max does, at least conceptually

not too long after the cartoon's release, he lost contact with most of his family, excluding ruth. this was fully intentional on his part: max's refusal to talk to his family except at gatherings he stole food and drugs from inspired him to take more control of his life and contact with people he's related to

he sort of wants to grow his hair out again, but isn't sure what style to get... (i like drawing him w afros though)

completely opposite to max's feelings, sam feels a strictly familial or platonic attraction to lumpy. and platonic being based offa that plato fun fact is very very definitely relevant here i think (im sorry)

if he went with any other job, it'd have to be letterist, full stop. he has several styles of handwriting and they're all gorgeous

he's a super sweet, incredibly silly drunk, and lets himself relax and show more of his dog mannerisms when drunk enough (thank you celebrity poker 2 i love you)

maxamillion

canonically a narcissistic psychopath who might have schizophrenia. its ok i can reclaim him<333 (no i cant but my partner can) he also has a horrible family life but his family stuck together out of mutual hatred and a desire to reap society's rewards for the nuclear standard

this horrible shithead has prolly claimed to have every physical disability at some point but he's only been diagnosed w/ hypermobile joint disorder / ehler-dahlos

in the more modern time of 2024, he usually sticks to only mocking people for things that are a. traits he shares with them or b. actually disturbing, inhumane or generally Yucky

he's wanted kids for years, which is why he's constantly not-so-subtly mentioning it.

he's a deeply unprofessional drag queen AND drag king and loves playing around with both sides of the coin. he also does drag creature stuff but that's just how he normally looks so!

thanks to the autism and schizophrenia he's very touch averse. the only people he really wants touching him are sam (and sometimes, maybe, rarely, flint paper)

to say that he doesn't have any familial affection for lumpy is understating it. he uses lumpy as his personal (and fully consenting) stimtoy whenever he feels like it, regardless of where or who might see 'em.

he sometimes pretends he's still president to make people do stuff for him. this only works on sam though

though he's physically capable of handwriting so gorgeous it rivals sam, he saves that for the disgustingly cheesy, 'anonymous' love letters he sends him every year or seven

he's a mainer. a mainiac if ya will. grew up closer to the south and he's got some relatives from mass so he's got that masshole/bostoner accent. he's usually good at hiding his accent, but it's obvious when you ask him to say shit like "clam chowder" and "lobster" and "fish"

though he hates most country music, he still loves johnny cash

HES A SYSTEM BTW!!!!

botha them

they invented paralell play. sam w his computers and his papers and max with his drawing and stabbing the desk until it looks like a modern art piece

they're both extremely jealous of other people, but somehow have both missed that. sam's worried he's too jealous and overprotective, while max thinks he could stand to be a little more obsessive

one of their favorite things to do together is go to the comic book store and laugh at how horrible their childhood favorite comics have gotten (or always were)

every wedding shown is canon in some way, but around the telltale games sam started thinking they were just 'ironic' and 'a joke' and etc. despite the EXTREMELY high budget each had. he knows better now

max's whole "not making fun of anyone unless they're enough like him (or suck)" actually extends to sam as well. he's more than fine with making fun of someone bc they're fat or whatever despite the fact he clearly isn't. this is MOSTLY because he keeps forgetting he and sam don't share every single experience.

though sam is against drinking as a whole, the two sometimes go out to horribly shitty bars to get the worst in junk food & beer. every time they do, max happily proclaims that it was the best date EVER.

max almost likes sam's singing, sometimes, but this is usually only because he just really likes sam's voice

neither of them know how to use modern technology. when one finds out a single way a single program or feature works, they excitedly show the other like they just found the missing link between humans and neanderthals or whatever

sam helps with max's injections since max really seriously can't handle needles. it's the worst for the both of them, but the treats and snacks and ten-hour-long movie binges after help with the fear

generally speaking, max can get up and out of bed any time from around 6 to 13. sam gets up at 6:30 or 7:45 exactly every day, which means he usually makes breakfast if he feels up to cooking.

other than the aforementioned horrible bars, they have a lot of 'weird' date locations, like the dog park, the local sewer system, hell, etc.

yeay

[scarletanpan]

.

Kind of funny to have the misfortune of going on tt for the first time in months like checking on my abandoned lab experiment only to run into. All types of wild stuff yknow and then the blk girlfriend effect v out of context and being like oh. thats.. then scrolling through the tag to so many vids but. Also dangelo mentioned it in a vid the same day funnytiming but like. Ik tiktok isnt the app for me thats why i dont engage bc im a huge spoilsport ik its j some couples trying to be cute and like if they liked it whatever but. Damn lil wild how Many ppl made videos like this its. Rlly true to that much of an extent?? Part of me cant help but feel vague concern I can't help it but also lets be real there is. On some level the expectation for most blk women to idk. Do whatever they can for their partner to the point of self sacrifice, while also maintaining an image of bettering themselves thats prob the story of most of the women in my family like. Not to be that person my sis lowkey fixed her bfs whole life for 7+ yrs while getting a degree and he j said she couldn't make it w/o him. I've seen the emotional and physical turmoil it takes on so many blk women esp on top of pushing urself to be successful its just.. cute trend in isolation ig.

But nothings rlly isolated still cant like it. Bc whyy are we Creating a joke expectation for blk women to help their partner glow up like. So we're saying if u date a blk woman u should expect her to start fixing everything abt the way u dress and talk and act or?? Ik the trends j dress style rlly but still alarmed by how many videos there were I couldnt find the end . Idk if theres something I'm missing like. W hy does this happen sm? And look part of it could be coincidence bc most vids don't say how long its been or when those pics were from could've been 2020 idk but. Just not a fan of what it implies anyway. It happened in may i think no one cares ik but absolutely wild. Also ig it being talked abt in a v recent video might bring it up but like why?

I didn't have time to check all the tt comments while looking through how many existed under the tag but. Tiktokt truly breeds some weird ass trends like the number of couples hopping on that I. Would personally feel so weird abt that also not my exp whoops tried my best rlly but some blk women have issues and suck and I j hope ppl dont start acting weird abt us also suffering from flaws and not feeling the active need to make their s/o more attractive or something Im here for the fucking ride im sorry. I wont be giving constructive criticism actually I will be rooting for everything my partner chooses to do tho

[constellaj]

16

Please talk more about your reboot!

16: If you could change anything in the show, what would you change?

okay so how i would re-do CANON is completely different from how i would talk abt a reboot so im gonna touch on a couple things in both contexts! the reason for the difference is canon rewrites imply i can go back in time and introduce dp fresh and new, before anyone knows what it is; but for a reboot, id be working with an audience that has a better understanding of the source material, so i dont need to spend as much time explaining, but i also need to keep everything recognizable

Valerie

REWRITE: i would def make it more danny's fault that her dad lost his job, like danny was intentionally being reckless and shattered some security stuff, and he has a whole mini lesson about learning to not just run in guns blazing. i would probably remove the dating stuff with her and danny (and tuckers crush) too, I think them wanting to be good friends is good enough for freshman year

REBOOT: the fandom already knows valerie exists, so i would actually skip the whole shades-of-gray introductory episode and have her be present as the huntress from day 1-- probably even before danny got his powers. cujo is also HER dog, and her backstory-- we'd find out in like, season 1, that a natural ghost portal (maybe one wulf opened) ripped open on her dog and killed him, and since then shes had a vendetta against ghosts cause of how reckless they are and their disregard for life-- of course, cujo isnt actually dead. cujo is a halfa. a puby halfa. anyway instead of a hoverboard she actually rides cujo around cause he can fly and its big and epic. valerie has BEEN amity parks ghost-eradicating superhero for at least a year (tho shes been in the shadows abt it) and her hatred towards danny actually just becomes really petty, like them flying next to each other chasing skulker just going "I got this. no I got this. no I got this" and they just get in each others' way and its a mutual grudge.

BOTH: i am NOT keeping in vlad giving her the suit to watch danny under any circumstances. it was only utilized half assedly in canon (when vlad couldve just had an invisible duplicate watching him instead) anyway, and I dont have any reason to keep it in a reboot either. instead i want her tech to be a combination of half-stolen and half-gerryrigged stuff and she slowly slowly learns how to build her own.

I also dont want anyone knowing her secret identity, except maybe her dad, and sam or tucker. i think it works better if danny isnt privy to this magic info

Freakshow

REWRITE: i would honestly just remove him. the episodes hes in arent particularly interesting, theyre just generic "we need a plot about x" filler and he's not compelling enough a character (at least in writing) to carry a better plot that another antagonist couldnt. i'm serious

REBOOT: unfortunately in a reboot he's gonna have to pop up somewhere or else ppl will be like "where IS HE" so I'm going to stick with running some kind of ghost circus, maybe a few occult things, but cut out a lot of the spooky magical knowledge and mcguffin stuff. maybe i could make him like, someone from vlad/jack/maddies college who always felt pushed around by them and so he has a vendetta? and theyd be the only reason he even learned abt ghosts in the first place. idk in either way I want to force him into being irredeemable but also include LYDIA (the tattoo girl ghost) way more-- I want to give her an arc that ends in her tossing freakshow aside and running off to be a ghost vigilante.

BOTH: dear god the infinity gauntlet is stupid that needs to GO AWAY. especially for the reboot cause it would exist in a post-mcu world and way too many people would complain about it

Vlad

REWRITE: amp him up to a far more sinister and villainous character. the crushing on maddie isnt enough, I want to show him on-screen performing experiments on ghosts and himself, dismissing everyone else cause he thinks hes smarter than them. i want him to be actively sabotaging the fentons at every turn. i would also clarify that he doesnt actually want danny as a son, but as a trophy-- a line where danny says something along the lines of "you don't want a son. you want a slave". i want to make him a character who wants to destroy the entire planet and put it in the ghost zone so he can be the true ghost king and i want to make this all evident from day one. if i'm writing a series villain you can bet i'm going to write a GOOD one. less petty drama here and more actual stakes.

REBOOT: it seems silly but sense with reboot we have the benefit of hindsight and recognizing that vlad wasn't a big series villain, theres no way i'd actually go back and write him to be such. for starters, of course, theres the fact that anything he does would really be an exaggerated part of the original, and it would bore an audience to see the same story again-- theres also the fact that it doesnt seem right to take a character who was treated as a joke half the time and suddenly make them big and important. no, instead for my reboot i want to lean into the petty gay uncle vibe. he had a crush on jack and now just casually insults him. he moves mansions every now and again by just haunting the family who lives in the one he wants, and taking over-- i mean, who is gonna believe that an actual ghost haunted you. he dislikes danny not because he has some concept of 'evil' and 'good' but bc danny is just too damn active. of course he actually does care about danny and his safety deep down, it's just on the surface they have very conflicting motivations-- not to mention that danny has been raised on legends from his parents of the villainous Wisconsin Ghost, who has to be stopped at all costs.

BOTH: i want jack and maddie to KNOW he's a half ghost and to actively be hunting him down for it, maybe bc they think hes possessed, or been a ghost tricking them this whole time, or the victim of a tragic lab accident who needs to be put to rest, etc. whatever the case it will give vlad actual tangible reason to despise them and genuinely suspect they dont have dannys best interests at heart. i think it would be neat if vlad was cynical and every time danny hit him with the "I'll expose us both. at least theyll still love ME" vlad could be like in the back of his head "oh god theyre going to kill this child"

Dani

REWRITE: cut her out. we don't need her character at all. maybe replace her with a more ominous shadow duplicate / clone that actually looks like danny himself and doesnt really have a name? you could probably combine her and dark dans characters for their arcs

REBOOT: instead of a clone from vlad, she's a guys in white creation using some of dannys dna after he was captured (and vlad broke him out bc he was like "ugh i guess i have to save this child")

BOTH: vlad actually cares abt her (duh), shes nonbinary (double duh), she gets the funny dissolve into goo powers

i had more i thought i was gonna write but this post is already very long and also im running out of coherency for this LUL

[icharchivist]

*slides into your inbox* um. in case it hasn’t been clear I’ve been having a3 thoughts and while that’s nothing new it IS new that I have the motivation to be emotionally devastated by some plays!!! soooo… ginji the wanderer it is. i am sooo hype for a sakyo lead. knew that colead was gonna be juza since there’s been a pattern of getting everyone as lead/colead for the event plays except for the troupe leaders… smart choice imo since the act 2 plays are the leader and rookie right?

watching the play i actually almost thought taichi was the co-lead for a bit! his power of being so damn charming and compelling that he becomes the heart of a autumn's plays i suppose... i'm obsessed with how literally every single autumn play so far has been about a loner that is for sure not a loner. take banri and juza working together and bonding in the roman episode, then omi befriending taichi in the stranger, and then now sakyo with taichi as his follower and also pledging himself towards this yakuza family! it's like... i see u autumn. the slashing noises during the play are so funny. also i think its very cool to have juza play a character thats insecure about his own abilities! i feel like... he projects this air of confidence so well that its actually novel to have him act out something that's a bit closer to his true self! and i liked that banri was like “the mental strain of having to be hyodo’s underling is what’s killing me” um,,, oh,, the underling that he literally welcomes back even after a huge betrayal?? the underlings he swears to protect? like i obviously get his meaning lol but its so funny like. 1) you betray him dude so clearly it was killing mr.underling (i know his name is mogi) in the play and 2) juza / ken likes you. dummy.

gah the poster is soooo good too. like the text and the sword and no glasses sakyo with his kimono improperly worn <3 they know what the ppl want. oh speaking of the costuming i thought it was such a sweet detail that taichi specifically greets yuki when he comes in! and abt sakyo's kimono yuki says “tsuzuru specifically requested it” i imagine it went like tsuzuru: we're using sakyo's sex appeal to get tickets. get that man into a kimono! he knows what the people want. i thought omi was gonna get more of beard though like. that's not even 5 o'clock shadow it's the shadow when u stand right under the sun at noon. yes i understand that 5 o'clock shadow does not refer to the suns position and the shadow it casts but something else entirely. however this is just how i am. citroncore. i was surprised yuki knew how to do makeup tho! didnt remember he could.

loved it when the other troupes ran into their practice particularly homare writing down “crossin’ into my turf” bc sparkle eyes I ALSO write down turns of phrase I like! it was also so nice to see sakoda bc he's so sweet! i love how he has like an absolutely maniacal cackle laugh while all hes saying is omg im gonna watch sakyos play and cheer for him!! also while banri has the absolutely buckwild suggestion of "maybe he got married" i think its funny that hes like well why else would he leave. no other reason. though i cant make fun of him too hard because i was sitting there worried like "they already paid off their debt in full right?? was sakyo planning on leaving once that was done???" oh but speaking of banri i rly felt like he was. he jokes that well at least we wont have to hear him yelling at us anymore and its like. wow dude u are coping so hard. bc he's even the one who most actively reaches out to sakyo by saying that like he can come to him if hes having any big issues or whatever. anyways this whole scene was a real reminder They Are Children. bc juza and banri don't quite look it bc of how they act but They Are. omi's like the only adult, but like about 100% of a3, he has abandonment issues by the mile (seriously. who in a3 Does Not have that) it was so funny when sakyo realized something was wrong and called himself a grandpa that was 10 years older than them. i was like *regina george voice* so you agree? you think you’re a father figure to them?

sakyo: guess i'm a bother figure to them. his convo with izumi was rly illuminating lol. he was very much like. and it's so like... yeah sakyo you think you have to isolate yourself from everyone i get it because you're too different and you'll hurt people when you're near them... juza's exactly like that too, yknow? i really loved that about this event--it really called out the sakyo-juza parallels which i enjoyed, and I think it was definitely like. incredibly About Sakyo, which feels like a smart choice given that juza was highlighted so much during the first autumn play (because sriously, rather than lead and co-lead, his and banri's roles felt pretty even?)

okay onto muku appearing and mentioning kyuchan... i get so hype whenever kumon is mentioned!!! it's like. my boy!!!! wants 3 flyers to he can save one display one and carry around one... i don't know you yet but i love you. juza also thinking abt stopping by the bakery on the train was just. it was so sweet (pun intended) like. juza is just a scary looking 15 year old who thinks about mundane things like let me grab some pastries on the way back and smiles. i also like that it seems like juza's family really loves him because it's like... well sometimes you can have problems even if your family loves you, yknow? im not saying i dont love awful family situations because um. well i absolutely do but its nice, seeing this as well.

i thought juza following sakyo was so funny because like. he's a tall eye-catching teenager that absolutely has never tried to follow anyone or be stealthy in his life considering his history. also i love that hes like. gah. this is totally something banri would do and then goes and does it. also when he was like "wow, that ladys old i didnt know sakyo would date someone that older than him" i immediately was like. ok so thats definitely his mother. you dumbass. i did like how juza is like... so polite to sakyo's mom and like very clearly speaks to her abt sakyo doing theatre and stuff like. it checks out that he'd actually be quite good at that thing. also i felt like a3 was rly accurate in getting that embarrasment of introducing your friends to you parents from sakyo lol. and i loved that sakyo is like "here juza ill buy u dessert and narrate by tragic backstory" and then he has everyone make tea the second time its so funny (also that juza is just chowing down on sweets during it). also the amt of "..." going on in this whole event is so autumn.

but about sakyo's backstory... i got a very clear image of like. a bruised beaten up kid (20 is young enough for SURE) on the verge of collapsing into fever due to the rain just absolutely breaking down and telling his life story. what the hell. like i know sakyo's fine (more fine than before at least) but i cannot imagine the pressure of thinking u are a fuckup for so long and then joining the yakuza to make your mother believe you're less of a fuckup only to have the guilt of being part of it make you feel like EVEN MORE of a fuckup than before... anyways him joining the ginsenkai family rly puts it into perspective like hm. why sakuya feels like he has to respect the play so much and work so hard. though i imagine that is also because this is his first leading role and he wants to really respect mankai's legacy.

like i sort of mentioned before i think it's so well done that juza catches onto sakyo saying "one last time" because that's probably how he was with pushing away muku (and perhaps kumon? i don't know) so it's obvious that he'd be like. hey. be with your family. because that's what juza so obviously does now. and love how he intuitively understands that but then compulsively just admits "yeah banri said he's prefer it if you weren't around to yell at us" like YOU KNEW HE WASN'T SERIOUS WHY IS THAT WHAT U LEAD OFF WITH WHEN SAKYO IS LIKE YOU GUYS PROBABLY HATE ME YELLING...

it's all good though because juza's line of “isn’t that what people call love, or something?” is so worth it. obsessed with this coming from juza "so many repressed feelings" hyodo. also i love how as soon as they come back izumi has learned about the issue and immediately confronts sakyo. she is so funny to me. and again the juza sakyo relationship is sooo good here. sakyo saying “he reminds me so much of myself that I ended up blabbing about everything”... juza talking about how he felt like sakyo was always someone to respect and who was above him but now he realizes that they both struggle with the same thing... like man! sakyo spent this event thinking juza and autumn found him annoying but juza thought he was literally TOO COOL to treat as an equal!

the icebreakers were also so cute. loved the lil generation gap and that izumi knew what they were. taichi leading them works because really. autumn needs him he is rly good at bringing those guys together i think.

the play itself! sakyo sans glasses is a Look ofc and the taichi: wow u almost look like a yakuza ur so scary / sakyo: I AM ONE. made me laugh. yuzo crying because he was so happy to see how sakyo's grown really got to me too like. huh he really has seen sakyo for the last 10 years or something. and i KNOW sakyo slayed that action scene at the end.

i was so worried when juza was like where's kumon? but then he came barrelling in and HE IS SO CUTE. so sweet to juza! love how quickly juza is like you are NOT joining the yakuza. u can tell he's an older brother. now personally i've never had a sibling that liked me that much but I'm willing to believe in it being possible. cannot believe izumi has to ask who he was though like. purple hair yellow eyes who else would it be. the "how’s baseball" question and the "still a bench warmer lets change the subject!" answer tho... eyes emoji. man. realistically high school sports can be so tough like. u have to be there all the time for practice but not getting to play makes it look like you've done nothing at all... i wonder if that's kumon's issue (hes really proud of juza but doesn't feel like he has anything) or it's something else! i'm excited to find out... and he brought cookies! great kid. the "oh! but u don’t have to share with that banri dude if you don’t wanna!" is also so sibling and it's nice to see how :) juza is around him.

the parallel with sakoda hugging sakyo so hard was so sweet! as well as taichi basing his role off of sakoda... yeah. i think framing it against kumon and juza's interaction was a rly good way of showing how important sakoda is to sakyo! onto dinner with the yakuza i loved how taichi was still so :D and how juza and banri are still bickering. these guys do not change for anyone. it was a surprise to see ichiro's sprite pop up! i like his outfit design here especially too.

the "where’s the brat?" has me going…boss’s son… AUTUMN ROOKIE??? AZAMI!!!??? i feel like I’ve heard he hates his dad!! so. hype. also when the boss is like "I didn’t think a theatre troupe would take in a yakuza…" sir u do not know how desperate this troupe was. also they were literally in debt to that yakuza (though, in that case, asking them is even more wild lmao) and the "i wouldn’t want you as my sister. you’re something else to me." sakyo you are so obvious. i love seeing sakyo izumi interactions tho. it always feels like. she has a lot more personality when he’s around? like that first conversation they had when she asked him if anything was wrong was also really good like... it feels like they just rly talk to each other head on? i like it they're cute.

anddd that's abt it for my thoughts! i listened to buzama at the end and i don't have much to say except wow, sakyo and juzas voices go REALLY well together!! so to end this I'll say i looked at the belial design again and realized he was drinking apple juice and i was like "that is so mild what the hell. thats so funny" until i had the epiphany that if he's in a story that involves a character named lucifer then. then is his school au self drinking apple juice as a reference to sin in the garden of eden. thats even funnier if thats the case.

oh my god TWO a3 rambling messages from you in two days? It must be my birthd- wait. BUT I MEAN BY THAT, WHAT A GIFT! i'm so glad aaah it's my pleasure!!! Ginji time!!

under cut as always ;D

And yeap pretty much, act 2 play is leader and rookie, so for the 3rd play you can expect pairing whoever is left in the troupe yeap!

oh my god what you say about Taichi… this is so true. He becomes so damn good sobs. It's funny bc on one hand it can also just justified by "he looks vulnerable so Tsuzuru alway smakes him go through hell to pull the heartstrings" but in the end it's Taichi who pushes through and shine with them!!

Your observation about how every autumn play is about loners who are not fully loner… so real. I didn't notice before so it's such a nice thing to point out thank you!! But yesss Juza's chara fit him so much sobs. This play was really good. DLKFJDKLFJKDFL THE ROAST ON BANRI. BEAUTIFUL. DESERVED.

and GOD YEAH the poster is REALLY GOOD i love it. They sure indeed know what the people want. DLKFJDLKFJLDKFJDFKLJDFKL I love your observation. Yes i love Taichi welcoming Yuki, and Tsuzuru deciding to whoring out the old man right away is a delight. But agreed Omi should have a better bear shh. And no no i think your language analysis is pertinant. Citroncore. I guess Yuki picked up some stuff out of fashion stuff? but yeah, surprising indeed.

Homare is as good as ever and i'm so happy it's more details for you to relate to!! Sakoda has such a nice presence this event too, he's truly adorable and i love him and his stupid laugh so much. Sakyo numba one fan.

oh my gOd you managed to get worried for Sakyo this is so sweet. But yesss totally agree with what you point out, Banri was coping hard and it really does remind that they are children, you shouldn't infantalize them in any way and all but. yeah sobs. Omi is indeed the adult figure aside from him but esp as someone who had to take the "mom" role at a young age he probably just, didn't have a healthy "adult" way to step out and could easily get in his own head about all of this. DLKFJDFLDF THIS IS SO REAL THOUGH Sakyo is out there realizing he's a father but he only sees the "old" factor not the FATHER FACTOR.

(genuinely think that the whole scene from b99 would happen to them one day tho.)

I FUCKING TYPED THAT. BEFORE SCROLLING DOWN AND SAW YOU REFERED TO THE BOTHER FIGURE THING LMAO. But yess you're so right about everything else. I also really love that Juza is the one calling him out since Sakyo did mention that he saw a bit of himself in Juza (and it made him feel bad because Juza never gave up on his dream and Sakyo did). So Juza being the one to call him out, seeing right through him, really drives this point even more home. It was honestly so good. (agreed about the Roman Episode having equal time tho)

WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT KUMON.. YES. YES. BABYBOY. This is the spirit. But yeah i agree i really love Juza's family and how, no matter how rough life is for him, at least home is a safe place. He has support and people he loves, though it adds to the guilt and fear to give them a bad name, but none of them actually blames him. It's just gnhhh i love the Hyodo Sakisaka household so much.

Juza following Sakyo is funny for all you said + the fact that Sakyo, yakuza, didn't fucking notice at first sobs. "banri would do it" says he as he does it is really funny indeed tho. man the meeting with Sakyo's mom was really sweet. I did absolutely love to see Juza bond a bit with her and her getting so sweet with him, he was probably so intimidated and yet. what an angel.

And god yeah. Sakyo's backstory is really pulling the heartstrings alright. He wants to be less of a burden on his mom so much that he's willing to take SO much more burdens than needed on his shoulders it's just man. man!!

god all you summarize brings me back the feelies i'm going to choke up. You're totally right on Juza catching Sakyo's drift and even more calling him out (and throwing Banri under the bus in the process) I LOVe Izumi's reaction too. I love how Izumi is her own character that way, she's just as bonkers as the rest of them. And god man. The dynamic between Juza and Sakyo really is so soft and it's just. so good. man.

Everything after that was so good. The icebreaking scene as you sia,d and the lead up to the play, and the play itself man.

AND WOUHOUUU KUMON!! coming like a storm. He's so damn adorable! And omg yeah i feel you on that. I saw some people poke fun at their dynamic like "how unrealistic that they love each other this much" and i'm just no!!! they're sweet!!! Juza is a sweet boy who takes care of others and his little bro is a baby having to be stopped from following his impulses else he'll probably do something stupid. What else do you expect!! this is genuinely so cute of a dynamic tho sobs. AND YEAH LEGIT IZUMI IT WAS OBVIOUS IZUMI COM'ON. hohoho i'm excited for you getting to see what Kumon's deal is. It is an interesting to catch on about him so do hold on to that but i'll say i adore your keen eye for the Hyodos. It'll be a ton of fun. AND YEAH Kumon, the first ally on the battle against Banri with the war on cookies.

AND GOD YEAH. Sakoda/Taichi/Kumon team up in the future which is just "geeking over Juza and Sakyo" while Sakyo slowly dies of embarassment. But yes!! it really does help framing how much they care about one another.

But YEAH genuinely it still kills me how cosy Mankai is with the Yakuza. Having a Yakuza in the cast is one thing, having an entiere Yakuza family chilling, supporting us, and inviting us to dinners, while the kids can be normal around them? genuinely this boggles me more than the supernatural stuff in the Winter chapter. Like. What is happening. BUT YEAH i love the little cameo from Ichiro. I love when the backstage guys are acknowledged, godspeed.

EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH 8D Love the Brat we exist to cherish the brat. This event does so much to prepare for the rookies. it's so good.

We were desperate. We were not wise. And the Yakuza took us first by saving the theater even OKAY. SAKYOOO HE IS SO OBVIOUS IT'S DISGUSTING. JUST TELL YOUR FEELINGS ALREADY OLD MAN. But i agree yes she does have a very strong personality around him and man their dynamic is really adorable. they're so damn cute. I root for them.

But YEAH Buzama really is SO good. Their voices is so so good.

Thank you so much for your thoughts on the event, it truly was a blast to read through and a pleasure to relive <33 those guys make me all so soft, always and forever.

About Belial, yeAH tHIS IS SO STUPID AND FUNNY. And yeap you nailed it, kind of, there's also the fact that in the actual game Belial is associated to the apple too, this is one of his official art:

He is supposed to be a bit associated to temptation and stuff, one of the quests to get stronger (that is a must do for every player) involves him tempting the player, so yeap! but it's so funny they translated it with him always drinking apple juice in the event

it's also funnier to me knowing that Vyrn, our little dragon friend, is a lover of apple, and i'm pretty sure his face is on the apple juice's box AU!Belial drinks around. I feel like Vyrn is yelling as we speak.

but yeah also in the AU Belial is supposed to be 15yo and every. single. one of us. had a laughing fist about it when it was announced. I remember even some VAs and official cosplayers (bc we have a lot of cosplay shows with official cosplayer/actors) tweeting about how much they had a major whiplash from reading it and had to pause what they were doing for a second. This is so funny to me.

Belial, 15yo, slurping on his apple juice: ah hell welcome to my feast time to start the hedonist. (check the link it won't disappoint! just don't let anyone you're afraid to disappoint eardrops on you.)

This is terrible, but yes. the more you know!

thanks once again for sharing your thoughts it's always a blast <333 take care!

[coredrill]

thots on roman holiday, spoilers for the whole book below!!!

oh my GOD sjjdbdnemakfjen the line on page 17 “you have a unique grasp of socioeconomics” is SO ROMAN FBSBSBDBSJAIDLD. i love it

INVISIBILITY CLOAKS???????

v funny that when roman is considering where to go after leaving mistral, he shoots down vacuo first. obviously he’s gonna wind up in vale bc Plot, but it just feels like the writer going I AM NOT WRITING ANOTHER BOOK IN THE GODDAMN DESERT lmao

interesting note abt beacon tuition on page 92. i wonder if this is actually canon for a few reasons:

how tf would ren and nora afford TUITION????

i wonder if the other huntsman academies have tuition??? like atlas i could see doing it and haven too. maybe not shade but idk.

does this mean scholarships are a thing??? is ruby on scholarship???? what even constitutes a scholarship on remnant????

idk they probably didn’t think this deep abt this joke line but IM GONNA lmao

y’all some of these names…brick??? mortar???? bisque????? burgundy???? roch szalt???????? KANDI FLOSS??????? that last one is peak stripper name meme ansjdbfnnebehd. this is just like in btd when they had to name a team fondue 😭😭😭😭 i think they’re officially running out of colors 😂😂😂

THE EMBLEM OF NEO’S BOARDING SCHOOL IS A TRIPLE SPIRAL?????? the gurren lagann of it all……………

very funny that both neo and roman poison people with sleeping pills. hashtag just bestie things <3

pg146 “to listen to their body and what it was telling them about their feelings (gag)” ASPEC NEO RISE!!!!!!!!!!

ok i May be stupid but i thought everyone had a semblance???? bc semblance comes from aura, and everyone has aura??? maybe it’s just people without activated aura who wouldn’t have a semblance (so like if pyrrha had never unlocked his, jaune would’ve never discovered his semblance???? idk) but i’m also fairly certain roman has an activated aura????

very fond of roman meeting neo and understanding her very easily. platonic soulmatism i think.

ok wait actually i kinda wanna elaborate. LOVE that roman’s whole schtick is that he’s had to look out only for himself his whole life and he doesn’t wanna be a babysitter while neo is SICK of being babysat and so they work well together. ALSO LOVE that BECAUSE roman’s had to look out for himself his whole life, he’s good enough at reading body language and filling in the blanks to know what neo’s saying even without words.

also. hang on. OKAY. so neo gave roman his hat and roman gave neo her umbrella and neo made them BOTH outfits. BUT THEN ROMAN DIES and all neo has LEFT is the HAT SHE GAVE HIM and she goes to HIS OLD BOSS to help herself get revenge AND ONLY THEN DOES SHE CHANGE OUTIFTS????? BITCH??????? CHECK OUT HOW HARD I CAN APPARENTLY CRY OVER THEIR FRIENDSHIP

(okay note on the previous bullet after actually finishing: not the same hat :( and also how did neo convince lil miss malachite to help her when she nearly blew her up??? money ig lmao)

i’m literally obsessed with this being a ya book so roman and neo can’t steal alcohol or drugs, they gotta steal COFFEE 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 LIKE. ITS SO FUNNY TO ME

also in love with how (just like every other rwby friendship!!!!) there isn’t any pointless drama. they trust & love each other and that’s that!!!! like roman’s told that neo sold him out, and despite that being consistent with the rest of his life, he knows that’s not consistent with NEO and sees that she’s come to rescue him so there’s no petty drama around it!!! bc he TRUSTS HER!!!!!

pg268 “neo blinked back tears and hugged roman. ‘hey. don’t wrinkle the suit.’ but he put a hand on her head and over her shoulder, and that felt more like home than that house and her parents had in a long time.” HELLO????? HELL LOOOOO?????? bro i am CRYING i’m gonna SUE

tbh i was really worried they wouldn’t get to hug in this book BUT THEY DID!!!!!!! IM SO HAPPY WTFFFFFF

pg269 “her father threw up his hands. ‘do you know what she wants to say?’ he asked roman. ‘i do, actually.’ roman looked at her fondly. ‘i’m surprised you don’t.’” IM LOSING MY MINDDDDDD THATS LOVE!!!!!!!

pg270 “roman cleared his throat. ‘her name is neo.’” ALSKDJJREJNENFHCISOMENRJDIS BITCH

pg300 “he stopped walking. ‘while you get away. she’s mainly interested in me. drop this disguise and i’ll distract her. you get out of here. and never look back.’ she shook her head defiantly. he tried to pull his hand free, but she only held on more tightly.” 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

PAGE THREE HUNDRED AND SEVEN SHE KISSES HIM ON THE CHEEK AJDJFJEJENDNJDN KSIDOEOSPSKEJEHEBE. F THE POWER OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP WINS AGAIN

okay okay so now that i’m finished here are my Actual thoughts alskcjejenbrhdisk:

i wish! that more of the book! was focused on roman & neo together and their friendship!! like i get that the first half was important bc they needed to show Just How Alone they both were before each other. but i would’ve gladly traded some of the beginning stuff for just a little more time with the two of them together. like maybe condense some of that and give us a few more anecdotes from their time training together?? just to show the development from wary partners to ride-or-die a little more. but idk. because the first half of the book felt a little slow for me but as soon as i got to the back half i could NOT put it down!!!!!!!!

i owe this writer (& the rwby writers ofc) my heart and soul and also probably my spleen. first cfvy, now roman & neo???? taking characters i didn’t have any strong feelings about but giving them personality and history and love and making ME love them???? AND WRITING FRIENDS/FAMILY SO WELL???? bro. BRO. i’m losing my MIND

ALSO. very excited for neo’s role in v9 now. and will also probably cry.

like. it would’ve been so easy for them to make roman & neo romantic. especially since there’s only like a 4 year age gap. but they DIDNT they let those two BE EACH OTHERS FIRST PRIORITY AND CLOSEST FRIEND AS FRIENDS AND I AM SO ECSTATIC ABT IT HOLY SHIT

[cryptvokeeper]

I think about that fuckin “my first day on the server I killed my son it was pogchamp and then I cried” audio at least once a day cuz its funny so ya’ll know it was inevitable I’d start thinking abt it in terms of storytelling right.

Cuz theres something to be said about how Philza and Technoblade specifically came onto the server as plot points (Techno joining being framed as him coming to help Pogtopia and Phil’s entrance onto the server being that). Phil especially joined at quite possibly the most plot heavy moment possible, and he came in with a prepared backstory/connection to the cast as Wilbur’s father. And as far as I can think of I don't think anyone else who joined the server had that. Like everyone else had some sort of grace period where they could ease into lore (if they wanted to be in lore at all) and decide their place on the server. Phil’s was predetermined to some extent. Clearly characters can expand past their initial use *gestures at c!techno’s entire everything*, but its an interesting distinction between him and most other people on the server. Like where most people on the server start out less lore heavy and grow more involved as time goes on, Phil started off extremely lore relevant and then dropped off suddenly as he took a step back to do things like grind for materials, or just to hang out with people in a non-lore capacity. 

And this abnormal progression on the server probably contributed to his interpretation of being a neglectful/uncaring person, because we the audience are told "hey this is Wilbur’s dad, and he’s gonna be around now! He’s super cool and nice, look at how he gets along with everyone!” During the 16th basically the entire cast recognizes and acknowledges his name coming online. There are ooc jokes about the family dynamic, about finding tubbo in a box, more in-character (or at least debatably in character) moments of Tommy acting particularly familiar with him, Fundy embracing him as his grandpa, and Tubbo inviting him to be a part of L’Manburg and the cabinet. But after he completes his plot-mandated Filicide, Phil basically doesnt get involved in anything plot related (save for going fishing that one time with fundy) until the butcher army, which even that he’s more of a plot device/damsel in distress than an active participant in plot. And then c!Phil turns around and is like ‘lol nah I dont care abt any of you people’ when the plot finally gets going for him. Not to mention it contributed to the whole schrodinger’s family problem, where no one really established what the relationships were, probably because the creators themselves hadn't yet decided what they wanted to do about it but due to everything I just mentioned, were giving off conflicting messages in an attempt to have their cake and eat it too. Like the aforementioned fundy fishing trip is sandwiched between moments of Phil casually talking about fundy being his least favorite grandson, telling him not to call him grandpa, and generally bullying him (again, in moments that aren't clear in whether theyre canon or ooc). Same with Tommy, he visits him in exile once and expresses relief when he knows Tommy is safe with techno, but he never attempts to prevent said exile, and once Tommy leaves techno Phil turns against him pretty solidly. I hesitate to call these contradictory or out of character, but they muddied the waters on an already unclear character, and it lead to no small amount of arguments over c!Philza and what was ‘really’ canon in his interactions with people.

TLDR is that Phil, both the character and the creator, are in a really unique position on the smp as someone who came in specifically for plot purposes, without getting the chance to establish real character presence beforehand, and that has led to a very different plot and character arc than most other characters. Which is interesting, but makes things very complicated when it comes to analysis.

[butchpeabody]

neko zombie analysis stuff time

yeah i got more than one like on that post so time to own up and talk about funny the kitty. this is more than just analysis probably i just wanted a succinct title. this might get a little hefty so its going under a readmore lol

edit mid writing: i think i might make a couple posts like this cuz its hard not to ramble on about one thing and lose all my steam dhfjdh

ok so like, first things first, i wanna talk abt my thoughts on nekos and gregorys dynamic. i have so many thoughts on this in particular so Buckle Up.

so, i think the biggest founding theme between gregory and neko is contrast. they contrast each other, they are narrative foils, they are a dichotomy. cat and mouse, prisoner and imprisoned, etc. the subversion of the cat and mouse dynamic is interesting but i dont have a lot to say about it. i think their contrast is interesting and says a lot about both of their characters.

neko came from, presumably, a bad home. dialogue from soul collector indicates his family fell apart at the seams, and that was why he ended up at gregory house in the first place. i have my own headcanons for whats going on there, but my baseline and most canon compliant one is that he definitely ended up in mouse house bc of survivors guilt. he exists in gregory house because he cannot get over his own guilt, and his feelings of “it shouldnt have been me” are reflected in his willingness to help the guests. i dont know how long hes been doing this for, only presumably that hes been in gregory house for a while. his insistence on helping guests while convincing them to leave him behind is really just his way of finding some sort of unwarranted absolution for sins he didnt commit. he thinks taking gregory house down and allowing everyone there to rest in peace is his retribution.

on the inverse, gregory ALSO came from a bad home. gregory mama is indisputable evidence of this, even if her presence in the show is mostly played for jokes. i think that this could be an interesting thing to compare to neko with cuz it just shows how little sympathy he has for anyone who enters his hotel. if gregory was a better person, they probably would have been able to get along! but hes not. hes horrible, and he takes pleasure in causing others despair, and even if his purpose for doing so is to serve mama, he takes joy in unnecessary cruelty. this is one of the most important parts of his character.

so back to the dynamic between the two of them, though it wasnt intended, i think gregory and neko could be read as a neat commentary on how abuse affects people. neko is broken and sad and still actively being abused by gregory, but he still retains his morality while also not being obligated to forgive him. and gregory is just a horrible person, and his childhood does not excuse that. theyre an interesting dichotomy and i think abt them a lot jfhgjd

part 2 coming...eventually

[ncvcmbcrflush]

It is 1am and i just finished s2, so this is gonna be long and rambling and misspelled and im sorry okay?

I am not thrilled with the writing of klaus this season, can I just say? They completely undid all of his substantial development in s1, while also removing a good chunk of his positive qualities.

There were scenes where s1!klaus shined through (any of the scenes with Allison and vanya, mainly, and i was really worried abt the scenes with bby!Dave but they were handled really well imo) but those scenes were vastly overshadowed by the unnecessary cruelty? Why did they make my boy so mean this season, I am asking this question for real. S1!klaus was wild and a disaster and heartbreaking, but he was also so kind, and willing to grow as a person in ways that his siblings actively avoided most of the time.

How do you go from beautifully empathetic s1!klaus crying in response to his abusive father's suicide, protesting luther locking up vanya and later being so adamant that they take vanya back in time with them that he literally clings to her feet, to s2!klaus who seems to not care much about anything or anyone at all?? The man is dead in heaven with his father telling him point blank what a let down he is, and he still has enough love in him to cry for him, but 3 years pass and suddenly he doesn't shed a tear for his brother who just died saving their sister?? They took away so much of his emotionality and I do not understand why.

S1!klaus also absolutely would have been open to trying possession with Ben imo, and we could have avoided the intensely uncomfortable possession sequence, which should not have been played off as a joke because it wasn't funny at all, and instead just highlights how little autonomy klaus actually has- but that is a rant that needs way more brain power and research lmao.

S1!klaus also would never have hid ben from his siblings, after spending literal years telling them that ben was there with them??? He would not have done that.

And the scene where they try to save vanya was intensely ooc in my opinion- even high off his ass klaus is quick to react and jump into action- helpful or otherwise (throwing the fire extinguisher, improvising at the prosthetics lab for 5, trying to save luther in the club, running into the theater when they hear gunshots despite having no idea how to use his powers offensively, even in s2 when he finds allison at the protest) and I refuse to believe he would need to be pushed into trying to save vanya, who he has put his life at risk to save before.

The cult thing will be getting a post of its own because I have so many feelings about that whole deal but I again, am too incoherent currently.

I loved him and allison so so much, and he and vanya just break my heart together bc they are such opposite sides of the same coin and the show doesn't seem interested in exploring that whatsoever? I was a bit bummed to not really see him interact with the boys at all though. He and Diego seemed pretty close in s1, 5 and klaus have some good scenes together, and he and luther had some good interactions at the end of s1 as well, and i wish they had kept going with that.

It just feels like they were so busy with the others, and klaus got lost along the way. We do nothing with his powers except for the possession thing, like literally besides ben and the two ghosts at the very end of the last episode klaus doesn't use his powers at all during the entire season! I loved watching everyone else kind of come into their own, but that just never happened for klaus this season- if anything, he devolved.

And I think as a side effect of fucking up klaus, they fucked up his relationship with ben, and the other boys to a lesser extent, as well.

S1 ben and klaus is what i would expect from a pair of siblings stuck together for 17 years- nagging and sarcastic and judgemental but also loving and close and they work well together. They are both dumbasses who do things like play patty cake to test ben's tangibility, and decide that tossing a bowling ball is a good way to prove that ben is present.

S2 ben and klaus are entirely antagonistic; more in line with luther and diego in s1. I have seen lots of comments saying that anyone upset with ben and klaus's dynamic in s2 doesn't have siblings, and to that i have to say- people who think their dynamic in s2 is normal don't have abusive parents. There are lines that you absolutely do not cross, and comparing a sibling to your abuser is one of them. And you don't need to have siblings to know that dismissing the death of a loved one like, isn't a good thing to do? This is especially jarring given their relationship in 2019 and as children- there is no set up for this kind of behavior from either of them.

And the others were just so overall dismissive of klaus in a way that goes beyond just sibling annoyance. During the family dinner no one bats an eye when ben jumps into him, causes his body to jerk around, and literally says that he's ben?? He lies on the floor of the elevator looking like death and we don't so much as ask what's wrong? Klaus pukes out the contents of 7 fully grown humans practically and no one offers a tums, or a ride to the damn hospital?? Like wasn't diego a fuckin cop, he should know that none of this is the result of an overdose??? As far as i can recall,, klaus doesn't even use drugs in this season? We see him drink but that's it unless I'm forgetting, which is entirely possible since it is now 2am lmao. And they just play it off as jokes, we are meant to find this funny?

And just like, he wasn't involved in the actual plot of this season much, if at all, besides being a largely unwilling catalyst for ben. Nothing would change in this season if they had cut him out completely, and i really hate that.

I'm not upset at all really- despite sounding upset and writing a long ass rant lmao- the let down of one character doesn't ruin the season for me, and honestly, given how other shows have failed me this year (looking at you, the politician) , i count this season as a win overall. Luther especially has changed so much for the better, and he was probably the highlight of this season. I'm just bummed because klaus was s u c h a good character in season one, easily one of the most interesting characters, and they did nothing with him this season.

[colemckenzies]

was talking to my dad last night abt the simpsons vs futurama and like. ok i do genuinely think that Both of them are literally two of the greatest tv shows of all time. i personally prefer futurama. but the thing that makes the simpsons more popular than futurama - which is to say, it's accessibility - is also the thing that makes futurama have more depth + pathos

so like. the simpsons. incredibly accessible and identifiable. it's meant to be an american every-family while also just hanging on the existing framework of Sitcom Family, and yeah it subverts those things for humour but it's so instantly recognisable it's easy to tune into. there IS a lot beyond that there's a lot of smart jokes and literary references but that's the basic concept. and my dad was saying how (partly bc it's a cartoon) there's no episodes that Really have an emotional impact on him (personally i dispute this bc the bart + lisa hockey episode makes me WEEP among others but i digress)

and i thought it was an interesting comment bc arguably futurama is FAMED for its emotional moments (bring up the dog episode of futurama to literally anyone and they're like NOOOOOOOO) and even though there are SOME episodes of the simpsons i can point to as having an effect on me i do agree that in general it's just funny. there are schmaltzy moments but when i think of it overall it's more sardonic and satirical even though i know when i think deeper there's like, hundreds of moments that Get me lol

and i think part of the reason Futurama is more 'character-driven' is because it HAS to be. it has to be more plot-based by the very nature of the concept. it isn't everyday slice of life america, it's the future!!! they include fry to give it that grounding in the recognisable but that's just taken it further from 'a slice of life But The Future' like the jetsons bc fry is reacting to everything as well. also the inclusion of fry BAKES tragedy into the show like the two Most Emotional Episodes for me are jurassic bark and the luck of the fryish, which both center around the fact that even though WE know fry is fine he went MISSING and is effectively dead in our time. yeah he didn't LIKE his old life but he still had a life and a family in the past and then he disappeared that is so sad!!! and that's just the base concept of the show!! and then with all the other characters these aren't Recognisable Everyday People which necessitates more characterisation and more scope for moments of pathos and little tragic details (leela's parents?????)

idk it reminds me of this thing i read in the SU art book where rebecca sugar said that if anything cartoons have MORE opportunity for emotional impact, because the very fact that all you're presented with is these little colourful drawings means that YOU have to actively engage on an emotional level to fill in the gaps because they can only do so much and i think it's the same. obviously the simpsons and futurama are both cartoons but futurama is further removed from reality, requiring more work from you and so a greater emotional payoff.

[cynozurka]

My notes from watching bo Burnhams inside when I thought it would be a good idea to just write about every song /bit xd

Fixing the world w comedy

I mean it was fine

Some good points

Self aware and all

How oppressors will do performative activism

But also contextualised with his persona its a bit weird

is he scared of becoming that or is he already that

Like he IS doing a bit here and I know that It factors into the whole self awareness debuckle but idk it's a bit iffy to me

Also not really productive i think (yeah I know that's not the point but let me ramble)

You can still educate through comedy and you can do both actually

BECAUSE NEWS FLASH YEAH YOU C A N USE YOUR PRIVELEGE TO HELP AND IT DOESN'T HELP ANYONE THAT YOU THINK IT'S SELFISH

Like idk i understanding where he is coming from but perpetuating that mindset isn't really helpful imo

Facetiming with mom

Too little i think? I mean a fine little song but didn't get much from it

* making a profound experience out of a superficial face time with mom but maybe it has actually become profound, how little we speak to our family kinda, deep shit*

But that's kinda? Known? And not really nuanced at all?

That's how the world works

Well I really liked that one

Bo shows how it depends on the oppressed to be polite to their oppressors (using those terms loosely, the class with power and the powerless etc) to have a slightest chance to be listened to

Like that was a nicely done bit

Also I maybe a bit of critism to "socko" for the not considering educating the character, maybe I'm reading to much into it

I was pleasantly surprised because I thought the special would be kinda epty with half statements and nothing said explicitly

Tho the joke in the contrast of a sock puppet /a children's character telling something unexpected or dark does scream millennial humor

The brand thing

Good but I think it's been done many times before

White woman's ig song

Cool, like the white woman's Instagram concept seems a bit 2017 but it's well done,

Couple interpetations

1how we only show good sides of our life on social media

That one is honestly too simple, been done many times, obvious

2How priveleged for example an American white woman owing the Instagram is not knowing this (is this heaven), the Instagram is very status quo with performative activism, "normal" is priveleged

The bit about the mom either

About venting on social media/furthering the theme that life isn't perfect (basic)

Or

Humanizing, the white woman is still a person

We shouldnt antagonize priveleged people just because (it's actually important to have them on our side, the revolution is about destroying the class divide not creating more (that interpretation is generous tho)

Anyway the song is fine but I felt it could've said more and was a bit style over substance

About the theme of shutting up

Kinda? I mean I understand? But also not really it's important to exchange ideas and that everyone can do it imo, like I think it's a good social change that we can freely (well debatable) say our opinions but maybe it just went in a misquided way and it's just an illusion of everyone telling their opinions when we're still talking about like western world but I might be going to far but I think I know what he's getting at but also hhhhhh

The format of the reaction video seemed a bit condescending at first but I actually find it compelling mostly because I struggle with the same stuff and the cycle of self awareness is very familiar to me and the coping mechanism of saying you know you suck because then you feel you have an advantage over the people who would say that to you but it's not healthy to do that and you're also self aware of that

Bezos

I mean sure

I get it

You can say it had to be short to be punchy and it was just a transition

But also could've been more

Maybe I just prefer essays to poems

When he's laying on the floor and talking abt exploiting children and end with the statement of being horny idk didn't sit right with me I guess we can interpret that as the duality of man kinda thing where the world is so complicated yet we are simple creatures but idk it felt kinda invalidating just the vibe of the bit

A lot of my reactions was kinda like yeah no shit you aren't inventing the weel here

Sexting

As an asexual person it didn't really concern me

Felt outdated and too little and maybe a little not nuanced?

Like sure there were some good observations but also it was a bit too little again i think

Being funny stuck in a room sing

Fine, wanting to be seen as a kid but not as an adult because being seen can be dangerous

I think that was cool

But also idk it's not that funny or clever for me when he shows that he's taking multiple takes, wow who whouve thought people do that

Problematic

I feel nothing about it

I don't want to feel anything about it

Why the belly button close ups tho

The 30 thing

Really sad but also we know it's a performance so it felt a bit weird

The song was fun but like yeah not much said, again, we all know

Welcome to the internet

I mean sure again no shit

But it's a nice song

That funny feeling was very enjoyable actually

Anyway the overall performance is good, it's art and all but also I'm kinda done but also I think I am judging this differently than his previous songs and my judgment is harsher, like they're fine in the grand scheme of things

it was good, sometimes mediocre, overall probably very good and i hated it

not because it hit hard, it didnt really, nothing suprised me, it was just personally uneccassary for me to go through this

But also that's a very personal perspective and I understand how it can be good to other people

Also bo is a big comedian so good that he's talking about stuff like the bit with the sock

Anyway I need a break

[whiteanti]

this is honestly such a big issue within our communities, the "reclamation" of slurs. and i hate it so much esp when white passing ppl do it like hello? i dont like it when they call themselves people of color either bc they dont fucking know the struggle of being racialized, they only know how to whine abt not being white enough for the whites n poc for the poc. i wish we had another term to call ourselves bc white passing weirdos and spicy whites took the term poc and fucking ran with it

(1) lmao theres this person whos url is [redacted] whos south n se asian but is like ¼ chinese and and made ch*nk jokes then ppl confronted them on anon n they said its just whites trying to police their “pocness”… and what bugs me about ppl like this is how they dont reclaim slurs they just use them to be edgy online. it doesnt matter how much % dna u have of an ethnicity if ur not racialized as it dont fucking use slurs u know u’ll never be called they have literal worms for brains

ok sorry for reformatting like this I’m just already anxious as hell bc of exams rn so I rlly can’t deal w getting into fights w ppl like that but anyways ik who ur talking abt and its the same person as I was but I don’t have any receipts and I haven’t interacted for the past couple of years so I’m not gonna assume u know. also idk if these r the same anon but these r kinda similar so I’m gonna out them together. my reply got rlly fucking long so its under the cut 😛

anyways I feel like a lot of ppl esp on tumblr ‘reclaim’ slurs for the edginess of it bc they’re teenagers in a white society trying to figure out how to b a poc in a way that isn’t acceptable to white ppl and/or they think its CoolTM bc all their mutuals r doing it. like to a certain extent I get it bc when I was 13/14 I was like that as well. I called myself a chink bitch and all that shit but also I was a fucking dumbass kid who was doing both of the above. but ppl who r 17/18/19/20+ who carry on doing these crazy fucking jokes and tell kids who r impressionable and young that this is a good and healthy way to reclaim their identity? wack. the way ppl treat each other and the way ppl have normalised treating themselves w absolutely no respect in the name of activism or whatever is….. just crazy. calling urself slurs to degrade urself isn’t funny reclaiming shit ur just making urself feel worse. theres literally nothing positive abt it ur making no impact, ur doing positive for ‘the cause’ or urself either. so thats my thoughts on most of the ‘slur reclamation’ that happens on tumblr. 

onto what ur actually saying sdkjfhs I basically agree 100%. ppl who r white passing shouldn’t b able to reclaim slurs bc they’re never gonna have the slurs used against them if they’re white passing? bc like being able to reclaim a slur basically has 2 parts a) was the slur targeted at u (e.g. a butch lesbian can’t reclaim f*g even if its used against them bc it’s meant for gay men and they’re just being mistaken to b a gay man) and b) are u ever actually gonna get targeted by the slur (e.g. a white passing person is never gonna get called a racial slur in the street bc they look white). if u fit both them congrats u can reclaim the slur! but generally I find it rlly iffy if ppl just start throwing around slurs or calling other ppl that slur esp if its not widely reclaimed in the community (big example: YELLOW) 

but also if ur white passing and u decide that ur gonna reclaim a slur ok thats fine bc technically ur a poc but u literally can’t get angry at poc who freak out when u say it bc??? u look white??? what do u want us to do look up ur fucking family tree before u start throwing slurs around??? like anyways I’ve always had a whole mess of issues w white passing ppl and tbh mixed white poc to a certain extent esp when y'all act like the shit u get from poc is just as bad as racism…. like getting ‘rejected’ by a poc culture aint as bad as literal racism but anyways. white passing poc r like….. what u want me to do……. feel sorry for u?? apologise??

like white passing ppl have a unique place in society to b able to stand up against racism in white spaces bc y'all do know what its like to b a poc to a certain extent and obviously have access to white spaces as well. white ppl trust u as an ‘ambassador’ for poc bc u look white but every time I interact w u guys either irl or online u side w white ppl/racism bc its so nice to benefit from appearing white but not so nice to have to stand up for poc. like this is so many ppl ESPECIALLY white passing e asians u guys r transparent as hell. obviously not every white passing person is like this but from all the white passing ppl I’ve interacted w like shits the same bruh. 

ok like 50th anyways but ANYWAYS like I identify myself a lot as a poc online bc theres a lot more solidarity politics(? idk if thats the right term but lmao) on here than irl. the internet is a good way to connect w different ppl that u wouldn’t otherwise meet irl so thats why. its a hard issue bc a lot of the time ‘poc’ merges ALL of our experiences together whether ur rich, poor, white passing, an immigrant, black, asian, etc, etc, etc and we all obviously have different experiences of racism and how we interact w our race/ethnicity and as I’ve said before whilst ‘poc’ is a kinda useful term sometimes for solidarity and talking abt racism generally but its overused a lot. theres no harm in being specific abt the kind of racism u face if its specific to a certain race or ethnicity or group or whatever. 

also tbh a term for non-white passing poc would b useful that doesn’t surround the idea of white passing ppl being the norm. (something like visible poc? idk) but anyways this has gotten so long I’m just ranting/rambling at this point so I’m sorry for answering ur asks so weirdly?

[unproduciblesmackdown]

6:15am Gripes Post lads!! 🥂

im in one of those things where something innocuous bugs me for days b/c its just a personal irritation...i saw something for like a book or a game on twitter & it was like “this is about being a teenager” and it looked like it was about the kind of teenagerdom where you hang out with your friends after school & have a few romantic partners where it doesn’t all go smoothly because youre both inexperienced and havent figured things out enough to have a really healthy mature relationship but its complicated and there’s good things in there too so its all just a mixed bag and classic teenager

anyways theres nothing wrong with that in and of itself of course but i dont like getting what is a specific narrative conflated with a universal narrative...i.e. while that might be a common experience, being 13-19 isnt defined by that kind of usual teenage experience checklist. i mean, everyone who’s been a teenager has an experience in that time which must also be a teenage experience you know. and of course mine happens to be the kind that was nothing like the being out late with friends and having awkward date moments of bewilderment and figuring out who you are and all

i dont love to be reminded that theres a specific narrative thats meant to describe the General Universal Experience, when thats not my experience. what does that make my experience, and by extension, me

like i already feel invalidated enough by the course my life happened to go, i dont need a reminder that it was supposed to go This Way actually, and if it didnt then are you even a real person. and theres a ton of ways peoples lives could differ in major ways from whatever idea of whats universal that are also different from mine, so i dont know how not to be a bit annoyed from that angle either. i dont know its like....i guess ~Adolescence~ is especially treated as some flat, formuleic, predictable time in life where everyone is simple and shallow when its all really the opposite. its as complex and varied as ever and so are teenagers & people are completely wrong to act like teens are all just self centered immature kids—and not only wrong to do so but actually writing off really serious issues that affect teens as like “angst!!” or whatever...lord

anyways so i was like actively suicidal from like 14? 15? i say “was” when its just more like “have been,” but anyway. theres that part, and i didnt go to high school, which im sure would be for the better for anyone, and i wasn’t interested in dating anyone & also didn’t, and i was kind of having a version of the Universal Teen Story in that i was getting to be away from home for weeks at a time with only a weekend back every now and then (and breaks between semesters) and doing so finally let me like, even start to be a person who could exist outside the hellzone of my house. which made going back home for say, long summer breaks increasingly laden with friction. teens and their spats with parents right!! but actually it was that my situation was abusive & i had to figure that out on my own & in the meantime i did think i must be doing something wrong in trying to feel like i actually had the right to my own identity, because i must be doing something wrong if it makes me get along with my parents less. and really the idea that teens are just angsty & rebellious & argumentative was further damaging b/c i trivialized my own abuse as i always had (b/c all i had to go on was that it must be normal) & blamed myself for not succeeding in this impossible situation. it was really Not the universal experience even with the conflict and identity questions and growing familial pains

also i still had few friends, but i at least had a bit more room to Do Shit than at home. idek how to say how isolated i was for the entire like, well most of my life but a tiny bit less so during college. i had campus & a 1.5 mile radius and occasional trips and stuff, and being able to just do things as i wanted. at my parents house, the location made it so you couldnt really walk anywhere, and our town didnt really have a lot of hangouts anyways, and i didnt have any friends really. i did get a few from school and friendly acquaintances but i would rarely see any of them outside school, and that was mostly only middle school anyways. i was on the fringe even in preschool, which i imagine helped w how i read all the time at school and at home. and home and the abuse and having nowhere else to be also had to contribute to how i live in my head, i have to guess. i dont mind that, my head is great. but other people think im weird and in terms of being someone who grew up exposed to long term trauma & bad attention & memory & an awful lot of pretty specific things seem to align w autism but if i mention that ppl (irl) like to talk abt how well really everyones autistic in SOME ways (which well they arent unless you want to have a huge talk abt the entire field of what it means when usually nt ppl define Disorders) anyways the point is that i also dont trust people much because theres a slight history of taking a chance on ppl who seem interested in being friendly w/ me only to turn around & realize i was being laughed at to a degree for things that were just part of how i personally socialize, thanks. but not all of it. ive met some really solid people. but im not that eager to meet people as im wary of a lot of them & my instincts are usually justified when i take a dislike to somebody. and ive just never been in a position to make or have a lot of friends. and that sucks, coz the few times ive been able to be around multiple people i like is always a lot of fun, usually the result of some roadtrip or special occasion or something and very short lived. i WISH i’d had a period of constant access to a friend group, that i couldve left my parents house and had somewhere to go anytime i felt like it, that i had people i could do things with and all. i dont need adventure, i like parking lots and just doing nothing but hanging out and all, but that didnt happen. i was stuck in my parents house & i didnt even think i had maybe been cheated out of anything & maybe i wasnt just a inferior quality person until i started to figure out for myself around 18 that i might actually be abused, and it took me another couple of years to really believe that i didnt deserve it

and i mean still i didnt just take an “alternate route” to the same endpoint everyone else did. i cant do buzzfeed quizzes about You And Your BFF / Friend / Friend Group coz i cant even fake my way through them. i know i have an identity and am as much a person as anyone but i know that the chances to explore life that are supposed to be Common and Universal werent available to me, and that who i am as a person, aka a normal one, not a terrible one, was info i didnt know for most of my life and had to figure out on my own. and im still figuring out on my own, because shits never exactly been okay yknow

anyways my experience may be “worse” but its not lesser or less real or valid or makes me less of a person because i didnt get to do it your way. idk

tldr it annoys me like thanks for reminding me ive never got to have friends even though that’s still one of the few things i’ll feel bad about b/c i know just how much that hurts me & how much ive missed my fleeting chances to have a micro taste of what that couldve been like. and for a reminder that whats considered Real Full Person’s Experience is so default it doesnt even need modifiers, & so what does that make me if it doesnt apply at all?

funny how much an throwaway almost joke of a sentence bugs me but thats how it goes huh

[hyunwoo-archive]

can i ask why shownu is your bias?

of course u can !!!!! a heads up though jkhsa i always end up going on the Longest of rants when talking about how much i love shownu nd why he’s my bias ,,,

so !! firstable !!!!!!! i want to talk about his dedication to monsta x. it’s honestly something that’s just ? so selfless and incredible about him. time and time again, on every solo activity he’s had, he’s never once failed to mention his team. he takes every opportunity to introduce them and the members and always has the loveliest smile on his face when he thinks about them and he makes it so obvious how much he loves monsta x ?? literally u Cannot apply the joke of him being a robot here because i feel he is at his most expressive when he’s away from his friends and talks about them ,,,, like he just looks so happy to mention monsta x and he really finds little reminders in anything (ie. master key where he chose the number 7 to represent mx !!!) and i feel like he just has to let everyone know he’s part of the best team in the world :-(

shownu has such a strong affinity to being the leader as well nd like ?? he’s one of the best leaders i’ve ever come across ?? he knows when to lead the group and also when to let each of them shine individually (which is like All The Time im gonna b soft but he always always always lets his members shine before he does) and he has such a good dynamic with every member and with the team itself like ??? he’s been with them for so long ofc it’s obvious he’ll develop a good repertoire with them but he literally takes it to a more personal level ?? he literally treats all of mx like family nd as the eldest sibling in my family ,,, i can really see the resemblance between how we both treat the younger ones . i love watching him in the background of videos with different members because you can really get an understanding of who they are to him, and how he treats them all... like hes just such a loving person and it comes across in actions so strongly im always a little overwhelmed like wow ?? he holds so much love for his members and he might feel burdened as their leader but he shoulders it all so well without complaint and everyone knows they can help him too and :-( u really just dont get that kind of relationship with people you only know on the surface

and his talent ??? like ??? wow im blown away ????? every single era, im always waiting to see how he’ll surprise me and he honestly never disappoints. his vocals, his dancing, his stage presence have improved immensely since predebut. he went from being this boy who was overflowing with talent but had a clumsy touch to being ethereal on stage, to having beautifully trained vocals and a powerful dancing style that really captivates everyone who watches him. he’s always in his element when he dances, that i wont deny, but when he sings he has this ~glow~ around him that makes my heart flutter and fall in love a little more ??? especially when he gets so into the song and he scrunches up his nose to hit the note nd always gets this excited look when he hits it . he makes it so obvious that singing and dancing is his passion and i really feel ?? so blessed that i get to be a witness to his improvement. you really can’t undermine his improvement or his current ability because it’s ?? it’s There and it’s breathtaking

nD ANOTHER THING is his visuals !!!!!!! like ??? shownu is honestly one of the handsomest people i’ve ever seen ??? he has such contrasting features (well built body vs baby face) and its so so endearing to me :-( im especially in love with his big smiles, where his eyes scrunch up into the prettiest eyesmiles and he has the prettiest smile and his laugh !!!!!!! i love his laugh and his laughing habits so much !!!! how he always covers his face when its something embarrassing or how sometimes, when the members are being silly, he gets so into laughing that he doesn’t know what to do with his body . that to me is one of his purest laughs and i really cherish it every time he laughs like that !!!! nd plus jfhshfjs sometimes he even giggles and thats just !! me, when cupid points a Love Arrow to my chest: do it . pull the trigger cupid im in love with one (1) man

speaking abt laughter i wanna talk abt his humor too kjfhsakj hes honestly so so funny ??? like im not even being biased but he’s truly one of the funniest members of mx and i feel like people dont really see that because hes always so deadpan about it ,,, like his idle comments about situations are always the best but it’s also just as funny when he makes jokes that mx encourages like .. wow ... comedian of the year ? Definitely ! nd self cams too !!!!! i love mx self cams because hes always so into it .... like his face is :| but the way he moves is :D and !!!! hes really always doing the most for us mbbs :-(

also i literally talk about this All The Fuckinf Time but !!! hes not a robot !!!!! hes really not !!!!!!!!!!!!! just pay attention to him for longer than 10 seconds (eSPECIALLY with his fancams) nd u can see hes so expressive !!! he responds so well to his environment nd like !! idk abt u but thats not robotic at all !!! square up if u think hes an emotionless robot i’ll literally dump 900 fancams !!!!!! 

in conclusion like .... shownu is my bias because of the above ... bc he always goes above nd beyond for his team .... because hes so incredibly talented as a singer and as a dancer and as an idol and bc hes so endearing in so many ways that my heart is rly abt to just Fail nd give out from how much i love him

[kokeggy]

my brain is filled with ouma and i cant stop it

i totally forgot the time man, its almost been 2 months since i played the game and it totally didnt feel like that at all

i still can recall a ton of things fluidly and as for now i dont see a particular reason to replay the game (other than wanting to get to know ouma better) 

but oumas character is just.. so tragic. i cant even begin to explain the depth of his character, it would be pages long and im way too lazy for that. ill always just write mental drafts and let myself feel when it comes to ouma

ill a cut here since its already a bit long rn lmao

and i think ouma is a character who is deeply troubled by his insecurities/possible mental illnesses (such as bpd or servere depression) in a way that these insecurities are his most memorable characteristics. that is absolutely sad and tragic

furthermore since the moment i started to play this game i always thought it was suspicious that ouma claimed he hated liars even tho he was one himself. sure that couldve been one of his lies, but my intention rlly didnt like this idea so i thought he was actually speaking the truth. i realized today that ouma was hinting at shuichi that he hated this persona that he had to create for the sake of this game

but i do agree that i sometimes tend to overthink ouma lmao while is incredibly intelligent, he couldnt have figured everything out, plus his trust issues and paranoia were in the way of looking into every possible situation. yet i somehow believed that he did a lot of stuff while being completely aware of their consequences - but thats not possible. ouma is not a superhuman who can figure out what happens to the world in [insert year]. hes a character with deep flaws which balances his cunning behavior 

to his actual personality, i might seem like the most biased person in the world but i truly believe that ouma didnt want to harm anyone. its just that the killing game... happened lol

as far as i can self-insert, i do believe if i happen to be in a killing game i would be quite similar about it. minus the creating a fake persona thing for me its absolutely impossible to trust 15 people whom i just met that they wouldnt kill me under stress. you know, if you activate the right buttons on someone, they can work how you want them to. and this is what feared ouma (rightly so)

anyways i take the anthologies as canon material since theyre approved and licensed by spike chunsoft, and we obviously see that ouma is nowhere near as antagonistic as he was in the game. although, i only have read the first anthology (also while we are at it, i cant wait to buy the thjree v3 anthologies even without knowing japanese, lulz)

but we also see his character actually getting darker and darker with each chapter, with chapter 4 probably taking the point. esp on when it ended. at first i was kind of conflicted about his oversentimal reaction towards gonta being executed, because that felt just as fake as his overly evil presentation afterwards. altho after some time thinking abt this, i came to the conclusion that he just leaked a little bit of his juicy true self(tm), realized that what he meant was actually genuine and then proceed to vent his emotions in making him seem like the most villainous person u ever met. because i think one of the reasons ouma acted out like is because he believed he was at fault for gontas death. so instead of trying to sweet talk yourself, he just took the oppurtunity to make him the least likeable person. cuz who would ever want to like someone who jokes about genuinely being concered about someone dying? yeah no one dude

also i think ouma is ironically a bit well-mannered (yeah guis im not joking here). ..  .if we ignore all his stupid pranks.. so you see, whenever i got rejected after dates with ouma in salmon mode.. it went like this for example “eeh, wow you are going to the libary with me and now you want to leave? that hella rude man, why am i wasting my time like this” or “wow you really must think highly of yourself if you think you are worth changing for, how arrogant”  which looks like he knows what is appropriate and what not

i remember what he said that and i suddenly went like “shit i cant believe im hearing this from you man” which was kinda funny as a side note btw

anyways, to his motive video. oh shit, his motive video . . . even without having known how messed up the translation was, that damaged me.-.. i mean i always thought that ouma exaggerated the size of his organization, at some poiint i just thought that his entire organization was a lie and his tru talent was the ultimate liar. which obsly wasnt the case lmao 

but his motive video.. just wanting to prank ppl for laughs and entertainment. its so light hearted compared to what he claimed it to be that it hurts another thing that i think is worth noting is that DICE was his motive video, not his family. DICE, who is like family. but not his actual family. what does that mean? does that mean that his actual family wasnt like family to ouma? i sure as hell thought so and i still do 

a different thing is that ouma said that nobody would care about him dying and that his organization would be better off without him, plus that it seems that monokuma said that ouma knows what happened to DICE in the motive video which leads me to.. uhh.. what if ouma did something he absolutely regretted doing (since it caused DICE trouble?) - but im not entire set on that theory

its also sad that he constantly had to hint about hiimself instead of just talking abt it to shuichi. like, he wanted shuichi to help him or actually even hinder him at carrying out his plan, he low key hoped for it because shuichi is a detective which showed to be shrewd enough to be able to make proper deductoins in class trials, furthermore he isnt a dick towards ouma and actually respects him in a way. something that ouma most likely didnt calculate

which mades the statement that shuichi said in the end of chapter 4 even more painful. shuichi was the only person that ouma kind of trusted and relied on. and prob the only one he wanted to show his true self to, that very person told him hes 5 ever alone with no friends at all. that hes a pathetic little brat who should start to view the world differently (def not what shuichi said 1:1 but.. yeah idk my own interpretation) 

im pretty sure that hurt ouma a lot 

hnnng, i truly wished for ouma to be one of the survivors. altho i figured that hes gonna plot something absolutely mind blowing in chapter 5, i seriously couldnt believe that he was actually dead... well, not until the closing argument. as soon as there were the words “closing argument” all over my screen i began to cry like an idiot. i couldnt even read properly man, thats just how blurry my vision was from all the tears

in other hand: i was (and still am lol) extremely attached to ouma and his death was very unsatisfying, since he died quite heroic but nobody considered him so. also he never made up with these ppl. also fuck kodaka