#my favorite little guy who happens to be almost 6 feet tall

[facethesuns]

Beomgyu / What's going on with TXT? #3

[theres-a-goldensky]

30 More The Untamed Fic Recs

Here we go again. Another Wangxian rec list. Are you bored of me yet?

Were these recs helpful to you? If so, you can check out my other Wangxian rec posts:

Part 1 - 40 recs

Part 2 - 23 recs

Part 3 - 23 recs

As ever, feel free to reblog.

You can also head over to my bookmarks on AO3.

(All recs are complete) (I’ve noted pairings, length, and rating, but not any warnings or additional tags.)

** denotes personal favorite

1. say it's here where our pieces fall in place by Lirelyn - ~69,000 words, explicit - Modern AU where Lan Zhan meets Wei Wuxian after he adopts a small A-Yuan, because Wei Wuxian also has a past with him. Lots of adorable family feelings and emotional hurt/comfort.

As often happened, Wei Ying’s voice preceded his entrance, calling to his co-worker through the open door, “Frankie, they forgot to order spoons again, can you hold down the fort a little longer while I —”

Lan Wangji was already looking to his entrance, head turning as if magnetized toward the voice, so he saw the moment when Wei Ying’s eyes landed on A-Yuan and the smile fell from his face. He looked stricken, and Lan Wangji immediately looked to his son in alarm. A-Yuan seemed fine. His small eyebrows were pulled together in a small frown as he looked back at Wei Ying, but that wasn’t surprising, given the expression on Wei Ying’s face. Lan Wangji had seen that face beaming, laughing, whining, wheedling, and occasionally angry, but never like this. He looked blank and hollow and it stirred something fierce in Lan Wangji: he wanted to rise up and obliterate whatever was making him look like that. Then his eyes lifted to Lan Wangji and there was a flash of something almost like betrayal, before he pressed his lips together and turned his back.

“I’m going to run out to the store and get spoons,” he said in a flat voice to his co-worker, and left without looking their way again.

2. the breaking of your soul (upon my lips) by sunsandships - ~41,000 words, mature - This is an AU of the novel where Wei Wuxian puts two and two together when Lan Zhan sneaks that kiss from him. It changes a lot of things.

Against his own will, Wei Wuxian found himself glancing at Lan Wangji’s hands. They were… certainly large enough that one of them could wrap around both of his wrists. And Lan Wangji was certainly strong enough, tall enough, broad-shouldered enough to bodily pin him against the trunk of a tree with no chance of him breaking free. Lan Wangji was the first person he’d come across in his slow comb through the vicinity of where he’d been so headily kissed.

Wei Wuxian drew a sharp breath. There was a connection to be made here. He didn’t think he was crazy enough to make it. Perhaps he truly was going slightly insane with demonic cultivation if he could believe Lan Wangji, the paragon of virtue and respectability, who lived unflinchingly under Gusu Lan’s three thousand edicts, who had at best only tolerated his presence as children, would sneak up to him while he was blindfolded, pin him against a tree, and steal a kiss from him in broad daylight.

3. and his wanting grows teeth by yukla - ~25,000 words, teen - This is a very interesting AU where Lan Zhan is a traveling cultivator and runs into Wei Wuxian and the Jiangs looking for shelter during a snowstorm. No spoilers, but this fic goes to a pretty dark place that genuinely shocked me, but I enjoyed. (Still ends well though.)

Without further ado, they are hustled past the entrance and into a smaller greeting area. Huang-bobo approaches the brazier in the center with his hands outstretched, warming his fingers in the heat, but Lan Wangji hangs back. As he carefully brushes the snow free from his shoulders, he feels the burn of a curious gaze trailing up and down his body, lingering at the guqin still strapped to his back; when the sensation pauses at his face and stays there, he lifts his head.

The boy with the ribbon lights up at the eye contact, flashes another dazzling smile, and gives a little wave.

“You must be new here,” he whispers, something like laughter threaded into his voice, eyes scrunching into winking half-moons. “All dressed up in white like that! You might lose yourself in the snowstorm!”

Something stirs to life in Lan Wangji’s chest. It’s—uncomfortable, he decides, and so he steps away. Teasing should not be encouraged with a response.

4. Ghosts Shouldn't by ShanaStoryteller - ~15,000 words, not rated - After Wei Ying's death, his spirit seems to linger. The story is told from Lan Xichen's point of view. I love an outsider point of view. I also love the way the author fleshes out his character as well.

Lan Xichen means to force his way inside, angry ghost of the Yiling Patriarch or no, but then his brother lets out slow breath, settling, the pain easing from his face as he falls back into a more peaceful sleep.

His hair is moving on its own, so subtly Lan Xichen might not have noticed it if he hadn’t been looking at Wangji so intently. It’s like someone’s running their hand through his hair.

The window frosts over suddenly, thick enough that he can’t see through it. Anxiety spikes through him so quickly he’s nauseous with it, but then the frost melts away and the opening notes of Healing start up again.

He can’t tell if it’s a warning or not. Maybe it’s just an acknowledgement. Wei Wuxian knows he’s there.

5. **leading tone by silencemostofall - ~32,000 words, general - This is a modern AU set in a world where people who love you leave a mark of color on you the first time you touch. Wei Wuxian has no color on him. So much emotional hurt/comfort. So much of Wei Wuxian's terrible self-esteem.

He can cover up his palms with his gloves, so that the blankness does not draw stares. But he has no marks on his fingertips, which he cannot easily hide, and none visible on his face or neck, the blankness of which is even more difficult to hide. People look at him and, with a single glance, understand the single most devastating truth that he knows about himself.

They assume that he does not have very many marks. He may be an eccentric, dramatic person, but the likelihood that an individual has all of their marks on, say, their feet or their torso or other places that are not immediately obvious-- that probability goes down as your number of marks increases. He can laugh as much as he wants about how he loves touching people for the first time with odd places, like the knee or the elbow, but it doesn't quite mask the feeling of other that he knows he exudes.

They assume that he does not have a lot of marks. This, while a heavy weight, is not unbearably so. It is okay that they think he is not much loved. It chafes a bit, and feels occasionally like something he has to furiously push down within himself, but it is not unbearable. What would be unbearable is if they knew the truth: that he does not just have very few marks, but none. That he is simply an individual who is not loved at all.

6. **pastel by antebunny - ~7,000 words, gen - This is a remix work of the above fic. It's from Lan Zhan's point of view and just different enough to be interesting. Still lots of emotional hurt/comfort. I love this concept a whole lot, and both of these fics are great.

It’s a simmering day in May, and Wei Ying is wearing long sleeves, long pants, and gloves.

His choice of dress isn’t unusual for many reasons. For one, there’s plenty of people who don’t like strangers seeing their soulmarks. There’s plenty of people who wish to keep them private by covering them up. For another, Wei Ying spends most of his day in various chilly computer science department rooms, He could just be wearing long sleeves for that.

7. one good thing by Yuu_chi - ~27,000 words, teen - Wei Wuxian has died (or did he??) and is haunting his old home. Lan Zhan moves in. This story has a happy ending! And so much yearning!

To the flowers struggling to grow on the other side of the glass, he says, “We’re getting a new roommate. Well, I’m getting a new roommate - you’re getting somebody who might actually be able to water you for a change.” The flowers outside sway a little in the breeze, and Wei Wuxian nods contemplatively. “He can’t be any worse than the last guy who lived here. Remember when I spooked him while he was cooking and he nearly burnt the house down? Of course you don’t. You’re fucking foliage, your memory is worse than mine. I remember though, so it’s cool.”

There’s the sound of shuffling behind him and Wei Wuxian looks up to see the stranger has entered the kitchen, setting the last of the boxes down on the table. Disgustingly neat handwriting declares the box kitchen - homeware. The stranger carefully brushes his hair back from his face and, without so much as a second of hesitation, cracks open the box and begins unpacking.

“Wow, you really don’t waste any time, do you?” Wei Wuxian marvels. “You literally just got here - who cares about unpacking? Sit down for a moment, breathe, have something to eat. It’s not going anywhere.”

8. with you, I am home by tellthemstories - ~47,000 words, mature - Modern AU where Wei Wuxian is being forced to return home to entertain marriage proposals. So naturally instead he "convinces" Lan Zhan to pretend to date him. I love a good fake dating fic, and this one hits all the right beats.

Lan Zhan does that almost-smile thing that Wei Wuxian takes to mean he’s happy, or at the very least not-mad. “You don’t have any money.”

“Not true. I have the money from our last job, when we settled the vengeful spirit for the flower shop girl.” (He doesn’t. They have Lan Zhan’s money. Wei Wuxian spent his on a pack of loquats and three bottles of Emperor’s Smile wine.)

“Fine,” Wei Wuxian says. “Do it for me.”

Thinking back on it two weeks later, standing alone in the middle of Jin Ling’s graduation banquet and watching Lan Zhan walk away from him, Wei Wuxian realises that this, this was the moment when he should have known. He should have realised in the way Lan Zhan doesn’t hesitate or negotiate and just says with that half-fond, half-exasperated tone he gets sometimes, “Fine.”

9. and in the spring i shed my skin by wvlfqveen - ~11,000 words, teen - Modern AU where Wei Ying can't find Lan Zhan, but hey, there happens to be a rabbit here instead. Features a very slow Wei Ying, emotional hurt/comfort and accidental love confessions.

Immediately, his heart settles and he grins down at his new friend. “Oh, hello there,” he coos, reaching out to pet the fluffy ears. The bunny is very, very still under his hand.

“Did Lan Zhan bring you today?,” he continues cooing. “I’m sorry I missed that, but your Dad didn’t tell me he was bringing you.”

Lan Zhan rarely brings his rabbits to work since they are as tolerant of crowds and unnecessary noise as he is. They were probably relevant to today’s lesson but…

Wei Ying frowns. “Why would he leave you alone? And where is your cage?”

10. how, or when, or from where by sarahyyy - ~10,000 words, gen - Wei Ying wakes up in the hospital with amnesia and can't remember the last few years of his life, including his best friend and the guy he's in love with.

Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes so hard Wei Wuxian is surprised his eyeballs don’t just fall out of his eye sockets. “That’s the worst part. He did. Whatever mating ritual you both have going on is so fucking weird, Wei Wuxian.” He snorts. “If you’d stayed asleep for any longer, I’d have lost my shit and thrown my myself out a window just so I wouldn’t have to talk to Lan Wangji again.”

Wei Wuxian blinks at him. “Is this a good time to ask who Lan Wangji is?”

Jiang Cheng glares at him. “Your Lan Zhan,” he says, annoyed. Wei Wuxian must look as confused as he feels, because Jiang Cheng’s annoyance bleeds out into concern. “Your Lan er-gege? Your soulmate, Lan Wangji?”

Wei Wuxian shakes his head. “No bells are ringing.”

11. ** a shared plate by yukla - ~26,000 words, teen - This is an absolutely gorgeous fic about Wei Wuxian traveling the world post-canon to rediscover himself and restore his faith in humanity and eventually find his way back to Lan Zhan. The whole thing is great, but the last two chapters are just *chef's kiss*

Lan Zhan,

Just as the mountains stand unchanging and the green rivers flow ceaselessly, we will meet again — and between then and now, you cannot hope to avoid my letters, either! Haha! Lan Zhan, I’ve seen so many things and met so many people, and it’s only been a month!

I miss you already

It’s so hot that I find myself missing the wind in Gusu’s mountains. Your poor Wei Ying is I’m melting away, Lan Zhan...

I’m realizing now, sixteen years is a long time to be away — the world is vast, and quite a bit different than I remembered. And in sixteen years, a child can also grow up into a man! It’s your job to catch me up on A-Yuan’s fun childhood stories! I do remember hearing something about a pile of rabbits...

12. with your arms outstretched to me by annemari - ~14,000 words, teen - Lan Zhan finally gets up the nerve to ask Wei Ying on a date, but things don't go as expected. Features emotional hurt/comfort (are we sensing a theme with these recs??) and just regular hurt/comfort.

"Oh, man, I was hoping you had some water with you," Wei Ying says. "I totally forgot to bring any for myself. Stupid of me."

"There is enough for both of us," Lan Wangji says. He has another bigger bottle in the car, as well.

Wei Ying hums but he only takes a few sips. He presses it back into Lan Wangji's hand. "I don't need any more."

Lan Wangji is considering arguing, but then Wei Ying shifts a bit, moving his ankle, and gasps very, very quietly.

13. ** A Lot of Edges Called Perhaps by hansbekhart - ~22,000 words, explicit - Wei Wuxian has finished traveling and returned to the Cloud Recesses and Lan Zhan. But their lives never do run smoothly.

“Lan Jingyi,” Wei Wuxian says, recognizing him after a moment. His heart slams against his rib cage. “Where is Lan Zhan? What’s happened?”

Lan Jingyi flaps a hand at him, gulping air. Wei Wuxian hands him the water, and leans back against Little Apple’s side as he waits impatiently for the boy to get his breath back.

“I’m so glad I found you,” Jingyi gasps, just as Wei Wuxian is about to throttle a proper answer out of him. “Hanguang Jun was in such a state when he woke up, we didn’t know if you’d come and gone already.”

“Where is he, Jingyi,” Wei Wuxian says, as evenly as he can. “What happened?”

14. So Why Not Crack Your Skull When the Mind Swells by greenteafiend - ~14,000 words, explicit - Wei Wuxian is cursed to feel extraordinary pain unless he's touching Lan Zhan. Yet more of Wei Wuxian's self-esteem issues and Lan Zhan's steadfast devotion.

“Are you hurt, Wei Ying?” Lan Wangji asks, pressing his hand to Wei Ying’s forehead to feel his temperature. There is no fever, but that doesn’t do much to mitigate Lan Wangji’s worries.

“No—I’m not hurt,” says Wei Ying, sagging forward to lean his weight into Lan Wangji’s hand like he can’t help himself.

It’s so strange—Lan Wangji can feel what Wei Ying is feeling. Although the relief is still very profound, wisps of other things are making themselves known; happiness; wistfulness; guilt. It’s all so fleeting that Lan Wangji can’t even begin to deduce what has provoked those feelings, but he wishes he knew their source.

15. puzzle pieces by Anonymous - ~6,000 words, teen - Modern AU where Wei Ying and Lan Zhan are roommates, and Wei Ying has started borrowing Lan Zhan's clothes.

“Hm? Oh.” With sleepy eyes that does— things to Lan Zhan’s heart, he blinks and tugs at the lower hem of the shirt, which is riding just above the curve of his thighs. Does Lan Zhan’s mouth water? Maybe. Yes. Absolutely. “Ah, yeah, sorry. Laundry day caught up to me before I could catch up with it. I saw this shirt left in the washer a few days ago, and—“ He blinks up at Lan Zhan through dark eyelashes that Lan Zhan wants to kiss, maybe, and gives him an uncharacteristically hesitant smile. “Do you mind?”

I mind the fact that we are not married, Lan Zhan thinks. But he can’t say that, and his tongue doesn’t know how to say anything else. So he stays silent.

“Oh,” Wei Ying says after a moment. “If you—oh, damn, I should’ve known, this is like real silk, must’ve been super expensive. Fuck. Okay, here, uh, I’ll take it off—“

16. ** Nothing But Trouble by brooklinegirl - ~60,000 words, explicit - Modern AU where Wei Ying is trying to be a good brother and get Jiang Cheng laid. Somehow this plan involves pretending to date Lan Zhan.

"I won't!" Wei Ying insists. "I'll ask out someone...high stakes. I'll find someone. I'll...okay, how's this? I swear that I'll ask someone out and keep at it for at least two dates."

"No."

"Three dates."

"Nope."

"Okay, okay, five. That's fair! That's more than fair! One person, five dates." He points at Jiang Cheng. "You have to do it, too. That's how a pact works."

Jiang Cheng stares at him. "Five dates," he says flatly. "Five. And yours can't be Nie Huaisang."

17. i'm the one for your fire by occultings (microcomets) - ~43,000 words, explicit - This is a Modern AU and a Cherry Magic AU! (Side note: GO WATCH CHERRY MAGIC IF YOU HAVEN'T.) But in short, Wei Ying turns 30 without losing his virginity and gets the power to hear people's thoughts when he touches them. He gets more than he bargained for with Lan Zhan. The author does a good job of translating the story to these characters. Wei Ying is not forced to be like Adachi, the main character of Cherry Magic. He's still himself, and the same goes for Lan Zhan.

Lan Zhan’s voice is so clear, so sudden that it’s as though it’s spoken, the slice of a sharp object through velvet.

He’s touching me.

Wei Ying startles for a moment, wonders if he’d somehow heard his own thoughts instead, but — no, that had definitely been Lan Zhan’s steady, factual baritone, loud and clear.

God, this is still so weird. It still doesn’t seem totally real. But how else can he account for hearing Lan Zhan’s voice in his head, as clearly as if he’d spoken to Wei Ying directly?

18. like blue flame over my fingertips by tangerinechar - ~37,000 words, teen - Modern AU where Lan Zhan and Wei Ying are roommates, and Lan Zhan just finds himself wanting to take care of Wei Ying.

Lan Wangji’s roommate. Is a problem.

He doesn’t get an answer to the roommate problem until the next morning, when Lan Xichen texts him telling him that the apartment he’d suggested (and helped pay rent for) to Lan Wangji said in the small text that it’d be two people per apartment, the second bedroom wasn’t actually a guest bedroom, sorry, Wangji, you can move in with me if you want, I have space —

No. Thank you for your kind offer, Brother, but I will be quite fine, Lan Wangji texts back.

19. ** some impulse of delight by handclaps - ~20,000 words, explicit - College AU where Wei Ying decides he needs to help Lan Zhan get used to touching people. Lan Zhan agrees. Wei Ying is dumb and in love. Lan Zhan is less dumb, but still as in love.

Lan Zhan shakes his head and fumbles, tries to push the cotton wool into Wei Wuxian’s hand.

“Sorry,” Wei Wuxian says, realising. “Touching people, I know.”

He feels dumb. He thought he’d worn Lan Zhan down more than this, that they were friends now and that his whole no touching thing was mostly overcome. He took Wei Wuxian’s hand easily, right? He looks down at his belly full of scratches, dabbing at them moodily.

“Sorry,” he says, again.

Lan Zhan makes some kind of noise, but he is busy packing the first aid kit back, placing everything exactly where it was before.

“Lan Zhan, you’re going to have to do something about this,” Wei Wuxian complains. “I know you don’t like touching people and usually it plays as a kind of gentlemanly thing, but what about emergencies?”

20. And I Will Call You Home by Spodumene - ~43,000 words, explicit - Wei Wuxian returns after a year of traveling and rejoins Lan Zhan in the Cloud Recesses. He's doing a good job of pining and ignoring the obvious. Look, at this point, it shouldn't be a surprise that I'm a sucker for stories where Wei Wuxian deals with his ~*~issues~*~ and Lan Zhan takes care of him, whether he asks for it or not. This story has lots of that. I also enjoyed the case fic aspect of it.

“I do, I think,” Wei Wuxian admits. “Would be nice to see his face again after so long. And at least this time, I’m going to show up draped in finery. What do you think, Lan Zhan? I can’t possibly disgrace him—or you—wearing a cloak like that.”

“You could never disgrace me,” Lan Wangji says gently, that soft, affectionate look back on his face.

Wei Wuxian grins, warmed to the tips of his toes.

“I’ll remind you of that later. The next time I’m three jars deep and feeling especially shameless, you’ll have to remember those words, Lan Er-gege.”

“Of course,” Lan Wangji says simply.

Wei Wuxian smiles some more, overwhelmed by fondness.

21. darling, am i a chore? by martyrsdaughter - ~7,000 words, explicit - Wei Wuxian really, really wants Lan Zhan to call him 'gege'. Lan Zhan knows a trump card when he sees one.

“You know what I want,” Wei Wuxian purrs, reaching up on his tiptoes to throw his arms over Lan Wangji’s shoulders. “Call me gege, won’t you? Call me and I’ll stop.”

Lan Wangji knows he will not stop, regardless of what he calls him. Still, he thinks about it. If there really is a way to make Wei Wuxian stop, should he not consider it? He doesn’t have any real interest in curbing his husband’s insatiable mischievousness, but he does like knowing things about him—everything there is to know.

If there’s something that persuasive in the world, that it can bring Wei Wuxian into submission when no one is under threat, could he stop himself from seeking it?

22. your name, safe in their mouth by astrolesbian - ~11,000 words, gen - Wei Wuxian & Lan Sizhui fic with the Wangxian in the background. Lan Sizhui wants another dad and Wei Wuxian wants a son, they just don't know how to explain that to each other.

“Hush,” Wei Wuxian says, in a low croon, like someone quieting a baby. Then he blinks, and looks away, awkward. “I mean—you shouldn’t speak. You’re tired. Rest if you need to.”

Lan Sizhui tucks his chin into his uncle’s shoulder, and lets his eyes fall closed.

“It doesn’t hurt too much, does it?” Wen Ning whispers to him kindly.

Lan Sizhui takes a deep breath, and takes stock of all his aches, his ringing ear, his hollow chest, the way he had selfishly wanted Wei Wuxian to keep speaking to him in that careful voice, like he was just a child to be soothed and there was no real danger. How dangerous, to pretend. “No,” he lies. “It doesn’t hurt that much at all.”

23. when you're doing all the leaving (then it's never your love lost) by tardigradeschool - ~26,000 words, teen - AU where Lan Zhan with Wei Wuxian to Jin Ling's one-month celebration. Things go down, and it leads to Lan Zhan discovering Wei Wuxian's missing golden core. This obviously will not do, and oh look, the best doctor in the world just happens to be right here.

“How—“ Lan Wangji chokes. “His core —?” He looks at Wen Ning, half accusatory in his shock. “Jin Zixun could not have—“

“No, no!” Wen Ning says, holding out his hands. “He hasn’t had one for years, don’t worry!”

This is not as reassuring as Wen Ning seems to think.

“Please explain,” Lan Wangji says, pained. He feels for Wei Wuxian’s pulse instead; in the absence of a golden core, it will have to do as reassurance that he’s still alive.

Wen Ning is so anxious that the story comes out in a ramble, out of order. Lan Wangji wants him to hurry up, but he’s also not confident in his own ability to speak, so he just keeps quiet and lets him talk. His heart feels as if it’s about to fall from his chest, beating nearly twice as fast as Wei Wuxian’s does under his fingers.

24. A Match in the Making by lareine - ~30,000 words, teen - A Modern AU where Wei Wuxian sees his single and bad ass friend Lan Zhan and his single and bad ass friend Mianmian and gets some very dumb ideas.

To return to the point: Lan Zhan was peak adulting. Mianmian was peak adulting. And if they were both at the peak, then they were on the same level. What level? That mysterious level thing that everyone mentioned when it came to dating.

Whatever level it was, Lan Zhan and Mianmian were on it together. Wei Ying nodded to himself. So, Lan Zhan and Mianmian were allowed to date each other. The next question was: were they compatible? Did they have chemistry or whatever the fuck people called it?

25. Crack me open, pour you out by Tenillypo - ~16,000 words, explicit - Lan Zhan gets cursed to say whatever he's thinking. So his worst nightmare. Mutual pining, first time, all good stuff.

Lan Wangji freezes with his chopsticks halfway to his mouth, lifting his eyes to stare at Wei Ying.

"I know! Just completely paralyzed." Wei Ying mimes being still as a board. "I don't know how long I lay there. It must have been two days at least. Good thing for Little Apple. He wandered back to the village when he got hungry, and eventually a few of them got brave enough to come look for me. When they rolled me over, the figure fell out of my hand and I could move again. Cunning little thing." He shakes his head. "I was weak as a kitten for a little while after they took me back to the village, and by the time I recovered, they'd burned the whole place to the ground. Such a waste."

Lan Wangji slowly lowers his chopsticks, heart racing unpleasantly. In his head, a picture of Wei Ying slowly wasting to death alone in the middle of the woods, with Lan Wangji a hundred miles away and none the wiser.

26. Crazy, Rich Cultivators by ShanaStoryteller - 13,000 words, no rating - Lan Zhan wants to bring his boyfriend home to meet his family. There are some things he definitely didn't realize about Wei Ying.

“He has a life here,” he says down the line. He doesn’t say that he has a life here too, one he likes a lot more than the one he had before. He misses home. He’d miss Wei Ying more. But he doesn’t say that, doesn’t say how vibrant he is and how beautiful and how little interest Lan Zhan has at seeing him among the high society he grew up with.

“Well, your life is here, Wangji,” his brother says. “You can’t stay away from home forever. You’re going to have to see how he does with the rest of us sooner or later. It might as well be sooner.”

It might as well be never, as far as he’s concerned. His family can meet Wei Ying at their wedding.

“I’ll ask,” he says.

Wei Ying has no interest in cultivation politics. They’re horrible, the five clans have an iron tight alliance that’s thirty seconds away from collapsing in on itself the moment someone from one sect steps on another sect’s toes. It’s the worst and he hates it. Surely even just the idea of it will be so horrifying to Wei Ying that Lan Zhan will be able to tell his brother no.

27. just our hands clasped so tight by electrum ~4,000 words, teen - Lan Zhan really, really, really just wants to give Wei Ying everything he wants.

“Despite your best efforts,” Wei Wuxian agrees. He shakes his head in mock-dismay. “How much longer do you think that will last if you keep buying everything I look at?” When this, too, fails to soften Lan Zhan’s resolve, he tries a different tactic. “We couldn’t even afford potatoes,” he says. “Back when I was with the Wens, at the Burial Mounds. Only radishes! If I survived that, I can certainly survive without another pretty comb.”

Lan Zhan’s expression is at once unmoved and yet somehow stricken. “I would have bought Wei Ying potatoes,” he says, like Wei Wuxian doesn’t know, by this point, that Lan Zhan would buy him anything. “If I had known…”

28. ** Rotten Work by ShanaStoryteller - ~64,000 words, no rating - Jin Ling & Wei Wuxian with Wangxian in the background. Jin Ling is the best boy! And as he tries to rehabilitate his sect and his family and keep himself alive at the same time, he realizes, horrifyingly, that he has to be the mature one.

29. ** an act too often neglected by Ariaste - Lan Xichen / Meng Yao, ~61,000 words, explicit - The Wangxian is in the background here, but the main story is about Lan Xichen meeting Meng Yao on a dating app and getting immediately dickmatized. Meanwhile. Meng Yao refuses to be won over by Lan Xichen's charm. It goes as well as you'd expect for him.

The caption below is equally sparse: “5’6. Demanding.”

Lan Xichen feels a low simmer of arousal kindle in the pit of his stomach, and he gazes at that word-- demanding --for nearly as long as he’d stared at the photograph. He swipes right.

A few minutes later, a notification pops up: < Hm, the size of your hands is promising.

This is familiar. This is the flirtation stage. Lan Xichen knows the steps to the dance.

30. My Land Beneath Me by longleggedgit - ~30,000 words, explicit - Modern AU where Wei Wuxian is cast out of his sect and out of China to America. And Lan Zhan just...follows.

Lan Zhan always waited for his tea to cool before drinking, which meant he had nothing to do but give Wei Wuxian a judgmental look. “No more McDonald’s.”

“You’re just bitter because you get indigestion from anything that actually tastes good,” Wei Wuxian grumbled.

Because Lan Zhan was insufferably mature and patient, he didn’t rise to the bait. “We have time to stop somewhere before class,” he said.

“Fine. But you’re paying this time.”

It was a bad joke, and predictably, fell flat; Lan Zhan was, after all, paying for everything, every time. Wei Wuxian frowned into his mug.

“You know,” he said, after another swallow, “you really don’t have to be here. I’m going to figure something out.”

*

Interested in 86 more The Untamed fic recs?

Part 1 - 40 recs Part 2 - 23 recs Part 3 - 23 recs

[millenialfanfictionaddiction]

Please Me: Futakuchi's Fun

Kenji Futakuchi x dom fem reader

⚠️THIS FIC IS 18+ MINORS DNI ⚠️

Welcome to week 2 of the Please Me Series!  A collaboration with @axoxtxhxh!  First up, we have femdom wins featuring Futakuchi and Asahi!  Please check out Joey’s fic, Asahi's Awakening!  I will link it in the please me master list!  

Please Me Masterlist

Warnings: swearing, unwanted touching, dirty talk, public sex, fingering, male and female oral, hand jobs, pet names, switch Kenji, switch leaning dom reader, cum play

Word count: 5,200

"Jas really? Another date?” you sigh as your life long friend tries desperately to convince you this is a good idea.

“Y/N, I promise.  This one is right up your-” your loud friend starts to say as you cut her off almost immediately.  

“You said that about guys 4 and 5.  So what makes you think 6 is going to be so special?” You smirk at her questioningly.

You knew your friend meant well, unfortunately after the 3rd date she had set you up on, you realized her taste in men weren’t anywhere close to yours.

“Y/N I promise, if this one doesn’t work out, I'll stop setting you up on dates. Ok?” Jas speaks as she cautiously awaits your response.

“I remember a similar conversation after the magician, Jas” you say as your eyes narrowed.

“But this one I know personally!  My boyfriend works with him and actually went to school with him.  He’s been single for a while but I finally convinced him to meet with you!” she said enthusiastically.

“I tried to stop her” Her boyfriend interjected “but you know how she gets about this Y/N.”

“Oh hush now!  Kenji is a great guy.  A little rough around the edges but super nice” Jas says as she slow turns away from you.

“Oh god” you say as you bury your face in your palms.

“To be fair YN, he has changed since high school.  He was captain of the Volleyball team so he kind of transitioned from being the huge dick he use to be” Jas’s boyfriend says as he walks from their apartment kitchen.

“oh nice, a former jock whose still living in high school. Sign me up” you say as you sarcastically throw your hands up in the air.

“YN he still plays volleyball so he’s not a former jock, he still is one.  Besides he really doesn’t seem at all like his teammates described him” Jas shurgs “plus I have to you two meeting at a bar and grill so if anything there’s booze.”

“Oh a perk to this date?” you say sarcastically as Jas smacks your arm.

“See? This is exactly why she will get along with Kenji great” Jas yells to her boyfriend who only laughs.

You roll your eyes and think to yourself.

I guess one date wont be so bad.

The night of your date approaches quickly, much to your dismay.  You opt to wear a simple, mid thigh length black dress and your black leather jacket.  You stare at your heels and opt for flats instead.

“Honestly I don’t know anything about this guy so flats is probably a good option” you say as you slip on your shoes and descend to the street below.

You arrive at the bar/grill and check you’re phone. Jas texted you telling you Kenji was there and waiting for you at the bar.  You sighed as you walked in, heading towards the bar.  

Suddenly you felt a hand grab up your dress as you turn around to see a man standing uncomfortably close to you.

“excuse me? What do you think your doing?” you shout as the man puts up both hands

A tall figure at the bar witnessed the whole ordeal and begins walking up to you.

Suddenly the tall man stops as he hears a loud SLAP echo through the place.  

There you stand toe to toe with the man who groped you as you grab him by the neck, pulling him towards the door.

The tall figure watched in wonder as you disposed of the man outside the restaurant.

“Oh my god ma’am! Are you ok? We saw that man assault you!” the hostess said as she ran up to you concerned.

“Oh gosh I’m fine.  Just another low life.  But I’m afraid I may have broken the pervs nose when I tossed him out. My apologies” you say as you fix your dress, picking up your bag and proceeding to the bar.

The tall figure followed your form as you sat down, almost forgetting the reason you were there.

“Any beer please” you say as the bartender serves you quickly.  While you handled the situation well, your adrenalin was kicking in and you needed to calm down.

“You wouldn’t happen to be Y/N would you?” a tall, good looking man said as he approached you.

“I mean if you are the police, then no” you say as you turn to take another drink

“Do I look like a cop?” He says as he smirks

“Nah you’re too good looking.  Yeah I’m Y/N” you say as you smirk

“Kenji, I’d say it’s a pleasure but I’m kind of nervous after what you just did to that guy.  You handled yourself well” he said as he sat down next to you.  

“Well as long as you don’t grope me, we wont have an issue” you nod sideways to him

“Not unless you want me too” he says cockily

“oh right out the gate. You're a brave one aren’t ya?” you say giggling at his forwardness.

“Well at least I can say I tried” he says “how about we grab a table?”

You get up from you spot on the bar to move to a more intimate table in the back of the restaurant.  The night continues and honestly, you are enjoying yourself.  Sure Kenji was cocky and full of himself but it wasn’t anything you couldn’t handle.  Plus the man could take a joke which provided you both with good banter all night. You both finish off your final beer as you stand up.

“well shit I knew coming to a bar/grill wouldn’t be the best idea” you giggle as you stumble a bit.  Kenji chuckled as he held on to your arm.  

“For as hard as you fight, you sure are a lightweight” he laughs as he grabs your waist “lets get you home.”

He walks you to your apartment as you lean on him for support.  It's not like you drank a lot but you imagine that the drama from earlier caused you to consume your drinks a little faster than you were use to.  

“welcome to my humble abode” you scream as you throw your hands up as Kenji sets you keys on the counter and removes his shoes.  

You sit on the couch as you motion for him to join you.  He sits besides you.

“20 questions, lightening round and GO!” you screech.

“ok but you start champ” He says.

“Why are you single?” you starting off strong.

“damn right out of the gate.  ok well my ex and I had a mutual break up 6 months ago.  I don’t see her or speak to her anymore” he says.

“far enough” you say smiling “hit me.”

“why did you agree to let Jas set you up with me?” He says

“oh GOD!  she’s been trying to set me up with someone for months now.  you are number 6 but I will say you’ve made it further than any other guys” you say

“far enough" he says

“top or bottom?” you say nonchalantly

“Jesus YN!” Kenji laughs as he fakes an offended look

“What?  It can tell you a lot about a person” You say

“Fine.  I’m actually more of a dom top” he says shrugging  

“Well shit” you laugh

“What? Are you a bottom?” he says questioningly

“ah ah you have to ask me a different question” you smirk

“Fine. What’s your favorite postion”

“Easy, cowgirl” you spit “what kind of dom are you?”

“I feel like we are grazing over the ‘cowgirl’ comment Y/N” Kenji laughs as you lay back putting you feet on his lap as if he was an old friend or a lover.

“what I like to top!  gives me more control.” you shrug

“Ah so you like control?” he asks

“Yes and you ignored my question” you say

“mostly a service and pleasure dom.  But I also like control” he says

“haha most men say that and let me tell you, it’s a major let down” you laugh

“oh really now?” he questions  

“I’ve slept with more ‘doms’ than I care of even mention” you say as you quote the air “most men don’t even know how to please a women let alone know to service one.”

“well you sound pretty knowledgeable on that Y/N” Kenji smirks as he leans back softly stroking your legs

“Kenji, I’ve slept with dozens of men and when I say I can rip orgasms from them with ease, I’m not exaggerating” you say smugly

“oh is that so” Kenji says as he leans closer to you “ok then how about a little bet?”

“bet? The fuck for?” you say confusingly  

“ok well you are basically saying you can out Dom me correct?” he says smugly

“you got it chief" you smirk, putting up cutesy annoying finger guns.  Kenji laughed at your gesture.  

“ok then lets do this.  We each plan a date and end the night fucking.  Whomever gets the highest rating wins” he says as he tilts his head slightly to the side

“interesting” you say as you sit up “ok so lets say I agree.  How do we judge?  I mean what if you give me a bad rating just to win.”  

“Listen Y/N I’m sure you can tell this but I’m a pretty honest person.  If I’m not getting pleasure, you’ll know it” he says  

“Ok so we just rate each other on what? The date and the sex?” you say.

“well how about the sex is the most points and the date is just extra” he says as he winks “because outside of sex, I’d really like to see you again”

You smile, kneeling on the couch close to him.  

“Fine but we are not starting tonight.  No sex until our next date” you say as you narrow your eyes.

“You’re drunk Y/N. I would never” he says putting his hands up.

“Well alright then how about  next Friday night you start since this was your suggestion” you say extending your hand.

Kenji grabs your hand pulling you towards him as your lip meet his in a sweet, heated but short kiss.  You pull away with a smile.

“Its a bet” Kenji says with a smile.  

The following week came fast.  You and Kenji texted often during the week.  It wasn’t like you were nervous for your date or what was to follow.  You were confident in yourself and your skills as a more dominant person.  However this was something new for you and sometimes new is scary.

“You ready Doll” Kenji says as you greet him at the front entrance of your apartment complex.  

“Ready as Ill ever be” You smile softly as he grabs your hand and interlaces your fingers with him.

“Starting off strong I see” you say as you lift your hands to show him what he already knew.

“Nah, it just felt right” He smiled as you blushed lightly

“Alright so where to?” you question

“It’s a surprise doll.  Trying to get the extra points where I can” he says as he smirks as you and you blush at the pet name

You walk down the street and arrive at a small pizzeria.  It looked very intimate and hidden in plan sight.  Honestly you were surprised you had never noticed it before.

“I’ve never seen this place before” you smile as he holds the door for you to enter.  

“That’s why I like it.  Its small and out of the way” He smiles as he places his hand on your lower back guiding you to a intimate table in the back corner.

Dinner goes as planned as you enjoy some of the best pizza you have ever had in your entire life.  You smile as Kenji pays and you head to your next location.

“An arcade?” you laugh as Kenji just shrugs.  

“You seems like a competitive person but a fun competitive not a serious one” He smiles as he pulls you into the arcade.

You play games and laugh for what seems like hours before you decide its time to move on to more “serious” matters.

“That was so much fun Kenji” you say as he pulls you down a secluded alley and begins kissing you feverously.

“Is this where you kill me” You giggle when he moves down your neck trying to find your sweet spot.

“Nah doll this is where I fuck you” he says as he discovers you sweet spot pulling a moan from you.  He feels incredible pressed up against your heated core. You can feel his cock harden on your thigh.

“Kenji ah” You moan as his hands travel up your dress, groping your ass “here? Wont people see?”

He breaks away from you neck kissing your collarbone “its worth the risk doll.  Plus I cant wait any longer to be inside you.” He kisses you grind your core into his thigh.

You moan as he assaults you collarbone,  your hands traveling up his shirt as he pushes you against the brick wall, caging you in making you feel oddly secure and comforted.

“Fuck doll- your skin is so soft, I bet your cunt is soft too. Shall we take a look?” He says as he inserts his knee between your thighs opening them up and snaking his hand down your panties.  His hands are rough, surely from his job and all those years of Volleyball.  You can feel the excitement radiate off of him as he closes in on your core.

You can feel how wet you are as you both groan as he reaches you clit. His rough fingers providing the perfect stimulation for your needy cunt.

“Shit baby, I’d say you are pretty turned on from public sex huh?” he says as he whispers into your neck as he begins to rub circles into your hardened clit.

“Ahh Kenji- please I need you” you moan as he starts to pry to fingers into you sopping wet cunt.  His hands feel incredible.  Even with your body count as high as it is, you’ve never had anyone make you feel so amazing.  

“Oh fuck doll, damn you are tight.  We need to lose this pussy up, I don’t want to hurt you” He says as he inserts to of his long fingers into your cunt as you brace yourself on the brick wall. You can feel every inch of his long, sturdy fingers probe your wet insides. The feels is unreal. You can feel the knot in your stomach tightening.

Your head falls back as he reaches your sensitive spot.  He pumps his fingers into your cunt as he curls them to reach the spot that made your vision darken. You can’t contain yourself any longer, his fingers feel utterly incredible.  

“Come on baby, cum for me please. Then I’ll fuck you good ok” He begs as he kisses your neck. God this man knows just what to say.

“Kenji please I’m so close- ah right there Kenji!” you moan as your head falls back and he pumps his fingers faster.  You feel the cord in your stomach soap instantly.. You cum with a gush as Kenji smiles, pulling his fingers you and offering them to you.  You accept taking them into your mouth as you suck pulling a deep groan from your partner.  You could feel the wetness from your release seeping down your plush thighs as you slowly descended from your high.

“You’re turn” you smile as you reach for his belt.  You couldn’t wait to get your hands on Kenji's hardened cock.

He grabs your hands, stopping you as he pins them above your head with one hand and pulls you in by your waist with another. Your eyes widen with lust as he speaks.

“ah ah doll, I believe its my week to pleasure you” He smiles as he kisses you roughly, tasting the your essence on your lips.  His lips feel incredible.

“fuck I’m going to have to eat this pussy properly later” he groans as he quickly undoes his belt and pants, moving his boxers down.  You knew he was a bit larger than average sized and definitely thicker.  The thought of his cock filling you up made you whimper.  

“But for right now, I’m going to pump this pussy full of my cum.  you want that doll?” he groans into your neck as he pumps his cocks, picks you up and lines you up for him.  You felt the pressure of his tip push hardly against your tight opening.

You had already discussed contraceptives prior to your activities.  You were on birth control and both of you had been tested.  You wanted to keep the play field level so you decided to forgo the condoms.

“holy-” Kenji groans as he pushes into your wet cunt “God baby this is the tightest pussy I’ve ever been in.” You moan as you wince from both pleasure and pain.  

You’re jaw slacks you feel him enter you.  You have never felt so full.  His cock hit every single area of your cunt so perfectly .

“Fuck baby can you relax a little” he says as he tries to adjust you.  

God you are tight he thought to himself.  If he had any less control he would have busted inside immediately.

You cant relax.  He feels so good and the semi public sex is turning you on something fierce.  You can fell your cunt spasm around him as he starts to gently push in and out of you.  You feel like your already close to your release and you barely started!  

He groans as his pace increases and he lifts up your dress further exposing your pussy to him.  He growls as he watches his cock plunge in and out of your tight, wet cunt.  The feeling is unimaginable.

He leans you further back on the wall so he can snake his hand to your clit.  He watches in wonder as he rubs your clit and your mouth slacks open.

You cant even moan.  There is no sound coming from your mouth.  You are utterly mute.  You feel so unbelievably incredible.  

“Ken- fuck I’m going to cum please go faster!” you manage to choke out barely. You aren’t sure you can handle faster but you really want this orgasm.

“As you wish baby” He says pulling his hand from you clit and jackhammering into you at an unbelievable speed.  His hands on your ass as you wrap your legs around his waist.  

“Oh fuck Kenji! I- I" you cant even form words.  This angle, this speed is causing your body to act on its own.  You feel a weird gush of liquid stem from your core as you try to regain control of your thoughts.

“oh shit baby did you just squirt?” he says as he looks at you and his jaw falls open at the feeling.  

He’s never had sex that felt this amazing before.  This angle, this view was everything.  And by your reaction, you seemed to be enjoying it as well.

“Fuck that the was the hottest thing ever baby! Shit- I’m going to cum” he chokes as you finally manage a soft moan and nod as you feel the pressure from your orgasm still present.  God you don’t even want this to end.  This feeling was absolute bliss.

“shit shit baby-FUCK" He says as he stalls into your cunt pushing hard into you as your cunt gladly accepts him.  

You can feel his cum shoot deep inside as you feel your pussy spasm against his cock.

He lays his head in your neck as he catches his breath and you pet his hair smiling, coming down from both of your highs.  It was incredible.

He pulls back gently as he rubs your thighs and hips.  He places his forehead against yours as he looks deep into your blown out pupils.

“Ok well that was the best sex I’ve ever had” he smiles as he kisses you deeply

“Best sex... for now” you giggle as he smiles kissing you again.

He takes out a handkerchief, cleaning you up as you fix your dress and he puts himself back in his jeans.  

“Oh baby the night isn’t over yet” He smiles as he grabs your hand leading you out of the alley and down the street to his apartment.

A whole week had passed since your last “date” date with Kenji.  Honestly it was more of a fuck fest, if you had to label it.  You aren’t sure how you even managed to walk up to your apartment without falling.  It took you 3 whole days to recover.

The sex had been mind-blowing.  Honestly you were scared you wouldn’t be able to top it but you refused to go down without a fight.

This week was your date and you had the perfect plan.

“Alright doll, I’m ready” Kenji says as he leans in to kiss you at your door.

“Ok come in” you say moving to the side allowing him to enter.

“Wait here?” he smiles as he comes in removing his jacket and shoes.

“Yes sir” as you turn around.  You opted to wear an oversized shirt and some thigh highs.  You had a plan and it involves comfort.

“A little underdressed aren’t you doll” Kenji smiles as he sees your shirt lift up revealing your lush ass below.

Kenji bite his lip as he makes his way closer to you attempting to feel up your shirt as he kisses your neck.  You drove him utterly insane wearing that outfit.  

“ah ah ah Kenji” you say as you back into the cabinet “I’m in charge tonight sweetheart” you say as you shake your finger in front of his face.

“ok fine” he says throwing his hands up in defeat as he makes his way to the living room.  Hoping some distance will cool him off a little.  

You had ordered in sushi and had a bottle of wine waiting.  You made your way over to the coach, expertly bending over revealing more skin with each reach.

“I’m beginning to think your goal is torture” he says as he watches you bend over.  He desires to feel your soft skin so badly.

“me?” you say sarcastically “I wouldn’t dare.”

You eat, talk and drink as you laugh about your week and discuss your impending night.  Kenji reaches over testing the waters as he begins laying light kisses on your cheeks, necks and collar bone.

“You know doll, it was torture for me to wait an entire week to fuck you again” he smiles as you kiss him deeply pushing him back on the couch.

“I actually debated just forfeiting” He laughs as you straddle him.

“Awe Kenji hooked on my sweet pussy already?” you say as you start to slowly grind on him.  Maybe torture was part of your plan?!

“fuck- yes baby. Shit you feel so good” He groans as you apply more pressure to your grinding  

“Well I mean, you wont have to worry about forfeiting after I win” you say as he pulls you harder into to his hardening member as you throw your head back in ecstasy.  

It honestly was torture for you to wait as well. You were in agony by Wednesday.  As hard as you tried, you couldn’t get yourself off. You had been completely ruined by the mind-numbing sex.

“Fuck baby you going to show me how to Dom or what” he smiles at you as he watches you lift your shirt, seeing the growing wet patch in your panties forming.  He groans wanting go feel and taste your wet pussy.

“Patience sweetheart” you say as you grind faster into his cock pulling grunts and groans from him left and right.

“Shit baby you’re going to make me cum if you don’t hurry up and fuck me” he says as he can feel his release building

“Who said anything about you being inside of me Kenji?  I’m running this show” you say as you stop grinding and move yourself down between his legs undoing his jeans as he watches you.  

The way you shimmy down his legs towards his crotch has him losing his mind.  He had felt your mouth the weekend prior and knew just how skilled you were with it. He could barely last the way you had taken his thick cock down your throat.

He watches you place licks on his hardened cock as his mouth falls slack and his eyes rolls back.  You adjust your positioning as you continue to suck on his cock, slowly removing your panties and you start to rub your engorged clit.

You were getting so turned on from pulling all the pleasure you could from Kenji.  The way his face contorted in pleasure could make you orgasm on the spot.  

“sit on my face baby please” Kenji says as you continue to suck and lick on his cock.  You stop your motions and look up at him.  

Oh shit don’t stop please he thinks to himself.

“Kenji no” you say sternly as you begin to suck harder and move your fingers around your clit faster.  Tonight was about Kenji and after last weekend, you had a lot of making up to do.  

You feel your approach as you switch to stroking Kenji’s cock as you continue to pleasure yourself.  

Watching you masturbate while you stroked his cock was too much. God you looked like an absolute goddess.

“Baby fuck- I’m going to cum. Please cum with me. I- I want to see you cum as you jerk me off” Kenji groans as he starts thrusting up into your hands as your fingers increase in speed.  You are so close.  

“Oh fuck Kenji, I’m going to cum, cum with me please” You say as your throw your head back in a scream as Kenji releases all over your hand and his stomach and you feel your cunt spasm around nothing.  

“fuck baby you are really something else” Kenji says as he pants heavily coming down from his releases.

You really were.  Never in his life had he been so turned on by a partner.  You made sex fun and interesting and it drove him nuts.  

You stick your fingers in his mouth as you slowly lean down to lick up the cum on his stomach and off his member. He groans as he feels your wet tongue hit his hardened abs and sensitive cock.

Locking eyes with him as you clean up his mess, he pulls his lip between his teeth.  The feeling is too good.  

You stand up as you remove your shirt from your body, revealing you naked form.

“oh fuck angel” Kenji says as he starts to harden immediately at the sight.  God your body was perfect.  Plush in all the right ways and absolutely stunning.  

You remove his pants and boxers as you straddle his waist.  He’s built, no doubt from his job and volleyball.  He’s so pretty.  

You lean down to kiss him deeply, as you force your tongue into his mouth, all while grinding on his hardened cock with your wet pussy.  He groans as you move down his jaw as he pulls your hips faster against his cock.  

You separate as you look down at him, completely blissed out from you grinding against his member. His length feels so good tickling your clit with pleasure.  

You tug as his shirt as you help him pull it over his head, revealing his hardened form.  

You move your mouth his  chest as you suck on his nipples, licking lightly in between them as you move from one to another.

“Fuck baby are you trying to make me cum again” He grunts as you increase your pace.  You want to make him feel as good as he made you feel.

Suddenly, without warning you sink your soaking cunt onto his hardened member pulling a choking grunt from the man below you as his hands dig harshly into your hips.

 Fuck your cunt felt fantastic. Kenji would definitely chose to live in it if he could.  So soft and warm and oh so tight.  

“Are you trying to kill me?” He says as you begin bouncing on him as he tries to control his grunts.  

Fuck- this girl really is trying to kill me.  I’m not going to last.  Focus Kenji he thinks to himself as he tries to regain composure over his body.  

“Death by pussy sounds like a nice way to go” You say as your throw your head back in pleasure.  Unbeknownst to him, you feel just as incredible as he does.  His cock fit your pussy so perfectly.  

He groans as you moan from the friction of his hardened cock.  You speed up as you approach your high.  You can tell Kenji's close because he starts meeting your bouncing with harsh thrust.  

Fuck, he’s going to lose it.  You feel fucking incredible.  The way your pussy sinks down on his cock, taking him in so deeply has him going wild.  He wants to, no needs to fuck you!  

“Fuck doll- you win, you win please just let me fuck you” he groans as you can sense the pain in his voice.  You got what you wanted.  

“Fuck me Kenji.  Pound into your cunt” you moan as he begins to thrust up into your cunt at an unimaginable pace.  

His pace was much faster now than in the alleyway.  You were sure your cervix was going to be bruised tomorrow.  

“Holy fuck baby!  Mine, mine, mine, all mine!” He groans as you scream from the pressure.  This was it.

“Kenji fuck” you says as you feel your cunt spasm from you harsh orgasm that slammed straight into you head on.  

“FUCK FUCK BABY” he groans as he stalls inside you as his mouth falls open and he presses into your pelvis harder.  You grind on him as he pulls you in deeper as his groans slowly start to fade and you both ride out your intense orgasms.  

He’s panting as you breath heavily on top of him, stroking his chest and adjusting his hair from his face.

He moves your hair to the side as he pulls you in for a kiss.

“You win doll you win” he pants heavily with a huge smile on his face.  

“Good and I want my prize right now” you say as you situated yourself still on his cock.  

“Which would be?” he says as he rubs small circles into your thighs.  He isn’t sure what you want but after that last fuck session he’s willing to give you anything.  

“Can we keep doing this?” you say shyly as a smile grows on his face.

“Well, I was going to ask you to be my girlfriend if I won so I would say fuck yes we can keep doing this” He says as he grabs you, standing up quickly running to your room and throwing you on the bed.

“Next, let’s see how long we can fuck before one of us orgasms?” He smiles as he kisses down your neck.

“It's a bet” you say moaning into a smile.  

taglist: @yep-seeyalaterbranflakes @chaotic-nick​ @serostapesweat​

[here4theheartbreak]

Sweet Cream Nights (jjk + ksj + myg)

AO3 Link Here!

Relationships: Jungkook x Seokjin x Yoongi Genre: smut, fluff Rating: Explicit Word Count: ~8.4k

Tags: smut, fluff, enemies to lovers, friends to lovers, bakery au, coffee shop au, arcade au, getting together, polyamory, food play, oral sex, come eating, dirty talk, humping

Summary: The local video game arcade owner is in love with the local barista who is also in love with the local baker. What could go wrong?

A/N: Third Kinktober fic, day 5: foodplay

Friendly competition was healthy, normal, and expected from successful business owners with shops near to one another. It only made sense that the two best coffee shops on the same street would have a friendly rivalry, or that the local bakery would compete with the nearby diner serving fresh cakes. What wasn’t normal, and not expected, was the local bakery in such a cutthroat competition with the local arcade.

It wasn’t even really about the products, of course. Individuals routinely purchased snacks or lunch from Seokjin, the owner and baker at History in the Baking – the best bakery in town by any local’s standards, then stopped in two doors down to play a few video games, often with Jungkook, the owner of the Golden Closet; a newer, but booming arcade. There was no loss in business and nothing forcing the rivalry.

Nothing, that was, except Deja Brew, the small café and coffee shop nestled directly between the two businesses. Really, it was because of the owner of the shop, one Min Yoongi. 

Yoongi was everyone’s favorite. He liked to put on a grumpy front, often standing out in front of his rather adorable little shop as it opened at 6:37am sharp (he said, because 6:30 is too damn early, and what person wants coffee as late as 7:00am, really?) But it wasn’t real. No, the short, sweet faced grump was really as gentle as could be. He gave the bleary-eyed children of busy moms small sweets and volunteered with local charities. He often worked with Seokjin to make sure no product went to waste; every few days he and Jin would gather up near expiry products – Jin’s baked goods and breads and coffee beans that hadn’t sold, and Yoongi would drive them over to the nearby homeless shelter for breakfasts for the needy. 

This was where Jin first realized that he’d fallen truly head over heels for the barista. The only problem he had was that he wasn’t sure if Yoongi liked him back, or if he was even into men. And the idea of ruining the both friendship and business cooperation they had was more terrifying than keeping silent. 

Jungkook, on the other hand, knew almost immediately that he wanted to ask Yoongi on a date. The first week he’d moved into the empty space next to Yoongi’s shop, he’d wandered in, exhausted from an all nighter getting things up and running and just needing a quick pick me up. He’d expected something like a fancy Starbucks – in and out and perhaps a misspelled name on the cup to boot. What he’d gotten instead was a very concerned Yoongi herding him to a booth and a warm breakfast; the most delicious oatmeal he’d ever tasted, along with a rich, sweet coffee that made his toes curl and his heart skip. Though, maybe the heart skipping was more Yoongi’s doing than the coffee. Yes, Jungkook knew he’d been swept off his feet. His problem however was that despite being told he was handsome and being quite boisterous and loud in regards to his friends… Once someone he fancied came near, he clammed up; closing himself off and barely speaking more than a few words to the person. Which was what happened with Yoongi.

And Yoongi – for all his attention paid to customers, bills, and the local news – had no idea that he was being courted after by his two neighbors. When their rivalry picked up, Jungkook had blocked Jin’s back door for nearly three hours with a large truck first off; then Jin had had a whole pallet of flour ‘misdelivered’ to Jungkook’s door – he assumed they were old friends, or old enemies. Perhaps exes that were out to get one another. It wasn’t his problem, and he had no care about how they handled their rivalry – just as long as he wasn’t dragged into it. 

Seven months, it went on. Seven entire months of petty pranks and murmured name-calling and generally annoyed glares between Jungkook and Jin. And then it happened.

Jungkook was early in to the arcade. It was nearly 6:15, but the sun was shining and he was feeling particularly good. He’d spent the evening out with an old friend who had encouraged him to ask Yoongi out before someone (Jin) did. 

He walked past Jin’s shop, glancing in. He could see a few lights on in the back; Jin was always in early, working on his day to day treats. Despite his annoyance with Jin, he had to admit, the man was an excellent baker. And what was more, he was frankly stunning. Tall and broad, slender, with the face of a God – if Jungkook wasn’t so taken with Yoongi he may have gone after Jin. His custom pastries and cakes were stunning and elaborate, and his simple day to day cookies and pastries were always a hit. Rivalry or not, Jungkook knew good sweets, and that man’s were to die for. 

He passed the bakery without lingering too long and glanced into the front window of the café. Much to his surprise, the main lights were on; Yoongi normally kept them off until opening time. He looked a little closer, and his stomach did a tight little flip. Yoongi was sitting at one of the tables, sipping coffee… With Seokjin. 

They were laughing, and Jin reached over, brushing the tips of his fingers over Yoongi’s cheek. Jungkook saw red. It wasn’t fair. He reached up, ready to tap on the glass, draw Yoongi’s attention, anything. He froze though. What right did he have? He hadn’t made his move on Yoongi fast enough – that was on him. He sighed softly and shook his head, hurrying past the café before one of them caught him peering in like a pervert. 

Jungkook tried to ignore the ache he felt as he worked, but every time his mind drifted, it went to what he saw that morning. Was it what he had assumed? Were they just friends? He had to find out. He slipped out under the guise of an early lunch break, entering Deja Brew. 

Yoongi was behind the counter, looking stunning as always. He looked up and grinned. “Afternoon, Kook. What can I get you?”

“Whatever you think is good,” Jungkook said, settling in one of the tables. “You know I trust your opinion here.”

“Coming up.” 

The shop was empty; Jungkook knew it wouldn’t start getting busy again until about noon. It was nice; he could watch Yoongi working without others wondering what was wrong with him. Yoongi circled around to the table with a tray, setting a sandwich in front of Jungkook along with a coffee. 

“Mind if I join you? Grab my own lunch before the real lunch rush.”

“Of course not,” Jungkook grinned, trying not to sound too excited at the prospect. 

Yoongi set a similar meal down on the other side and hurried the tray back to the counter before sliding in across from Jungkook. 

Jungkook took a bite, groaning happily. “This is amazing.”

“Apple sausage with fresh veggies. I managed to get some really great products at the farmer’s market this weekend, and Jin gave me a deal on the bread. Nobody does these little sandwich loaves like he does.”

The smile slid from Jungkook’s face. He tried to replace it, ignoring the twist in his gut. Well, this was what he came for; might as well rip the bandage off. “You and Jin are pretty close, huh?”

“I think so,” Yoongi said casually, taking a bite of his sandwich. 

“How long have you two been…” He drifted off. Yoongi’s brows furrowed for a moment. He swallowed the bite in his mouth.

“Been friends? About a year. We met a few months before you joined our little shop front.”

“No… Dating,” Jungkook clarified.

Yoongi coughed, laughing after taking a swig of coffee. “Dating? No, no. Jin and I aren’t dating. I’d love to but… He’s not into me that way.”

“Are you kidding? He’s obsessed with you,” Jungkook said without thinking, wanting immediately to kick himself. “I saw you two this morning when I was walking to my arcade. I figured… You know… It was a date.”

Yoongi chuckled and shook his head. “I’ll take your word for it, but no… We were just having breakfast.” He hesitated. “Do you really think he likes me?”

Jungkook snorted. “He adores you. I mean, why wouldn’t he? You’re funny and smart and one of the most caring guys in this town. Plus you make amazing coffee, you’re independent. And you’re handsome as hell and I—” He froze, realizing Yoongi was staring at him, eyes wide. 

“I—I just mean you two are a good match,” he mumbled. 

“I appreciate the plethora of compliments, but no we aren’t.” Yoongi chuckled. “Jin’s damn near a model.”

“He really is. I’ve never seen someone with such broad shoulders that doesn’t look weird. And his smile…” Jungkook shook his head, smiling a little. “He’s stunning. But you are too.”

“Well, maybe I’ll ask him out. But… I don’t think he’d be into my lifestyle.”

Jungkook’s brows raised. He twitched his head to the side, mouth pursing. When Yoongi didn’t continue, he nudged him with his foot under the table.

“Lifestyle?”

“It’s… Very hard to explain.”

“If it’s not comfortable, I didn’t mean—”

“No, it’s not that. I am comfortable with it. I just wish others were,” Yoongi mumbled.

“It sounds intriguing… I’ll listen without judging, you know me.”

Yoongi smiled softly. “You do have a knack for that, don’t you?” He sighed. “I’m not… Comfortable in traditional relationships. I never have been.”

“Like sexually?”

“Oh no, no. I’ve always been very sexual being. No, I mean traditional monogamy. I believe in faithfulness and I abhor cheaters… But for me the traditional two-person relationship is dull and unfulfilling. It’s like… I feel like I have so much love to give and no matter how much I give to the other person there’s this space missing.” He sighed again. “It’s very hard to explain to folks.”

“You feel like the true way to be happy in a relationship is to have more than one partner?” Jungkook clarified. 

“For me, yes. I’m not disparaging traditional relationships, I just… When I date someone, I feel like there’s still this gap there, waiting to be filled by a third party. And it doesn’t matter to me whether that third is dating my first partner, or if they’re just dating me, or even if they’re dating someone else that I’m not dating, I’m okay with any combination, I just… I need to have more than what traditional monogamy can give me.”

“I get it,” Jungkook said, nodding. He sipped his coffee as he thought, processing the information. “I don’t see anything wrong with what you feel. You still love and believe in being faithful; I’m guessing seeking a third partner, or a fourth or however many would be something that you’d discuss with your partner originally.”

“Oh of course, but therein lies the problem. The majority of people don’t understand this mindset. They hear something about wanting another partner and insecurity crops up. Are they not good enough, do they not satisfy, am I falling out of love with them and there’s really no way to explain to a person who sees things in the traditional way.”

Jungkook nodded. He scowled at the remnants of his sandwich in thought, trying to put himself in Yoongi’s shoes, or in the shoes of someone Yoongi might be dating. 

“It’s gonna catch fire if you laser focus any more on that bread,” Yoongi joked, his voice a little tense. Jungkook looked up. “Oh, sorry.” He laughed. Yoongi looked as tense as he sounded, and Jungkook wondered if he was waiting for a sort of negativity about what he’d just confessed.

“I was thinking about the type of relationship you described.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, trying to put myself in that place – the mind of someone you might be dating who you told this to.”

“What’s the verdict? Would you dump me?” Yoongi laughed as he spoke, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Jungkook shook his head no.

“When I think about it, I don’t deny my initial thought would be to ask if you were happy – I feel like that’s everyone’s gut response. We were raised in a monogamy preferred society, so it’s just… Natural to think that way. Not right, of course… We were also raised in a heterosexual society and I think it’s pretty clear that’s bullshit.” 

Yoongi and Jungkook both chuckled at that. Jungkook continued.

“But I think if you explained that you were, and how you just told me about it, I think I’d get it. I would want to be with you in the process though. I don’t think I’d be comfortable with my partner seeking out another person without me. That would feel too much like hiding or cheating. But I think if we went together and met folks, or even had a person in mind that you wanted to ask, I’d want to like them too. Maybe not as much as I liked you, but some sort of friendship or agreement that you’d be good together, if that makes sense.”

Yoongi was silent for a long time after Jungkook spoke. He couldn’t figure out his expression. There were subtle shifts in it, and sometimes Yoongi looked close to tears, other times happy, and blank. Jungkook wanted to ask what he was thinking, or if he’d said something wrong, but didn’t want to push Yoongi into answering if he was still processing. 

So he went back to eating, finishing the last of his sandwich and sipping the sweet coffee while he waited. He looked outside, watching the traffic pass through the window. Some familiar faces passed by, likely heading into his arcade next door. He should head back at some point soon, he’d left Taehyung in charge, which was fine in the short term, but Taehyung had a way of getting too up in his head or too hyperfocused on one thing – so it was best to have a second person there to bring him back to reality. 

Jungkook was just about to clear his throat and call it a meeting when Yoongi looked up suddenly, meeting his gaze.

“Jungkook…”

“What?” Jungkook laughed a little, the intensity of Yoongi’s gaze startling. Not to mention, arousing; he’d never been looked at like that before. At least… Not by anyone he liked back.

“I’m in my late twenties,” Yoongi began, finally breaking the gaze to gather their plates. “And I’ve known this about myself since I was very young… Thirteen, fourteen maybe?” He rose, holding the plates and his empty cup. “In all that time I’ve never had someone respond how you just did. Taking the time to process and try to understand and… Get it. Maybe not think the same way as me but… Be able to offer me an answer that wasn’t going to break my heart. That would let me and them be happy.”

“I—”

Yoongi shook his head, his mouth curling up into a bright, gummy smile. “You asked about Jin because you’re jealous, didn’t you?”

Jungkook felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment. He lowered his gaze, nodding softly. “That’s weird, huh?” He mumbled.

“I think it’s cute.” Yoongi leaned down, his breath warm on Jungkook’s ear. “And I think you’re cute Jeon Jungkook.” He shifted, pressing a quick kiss to Jungkook’s cheek before standing upright.

Jungkook’s head snapped up when Yoongi rose. “What?”

Yoongi smirked. “I don’t mince my words. You heard me.” Yoongi glanced at the door, nodding to a customer approaching that he must have recognized. “My lunch rush is about to start,” Yoongi said as the bell dinged, signaling the customer’s entrance. “Come by when I close. I want to talk to you more.”

Jungkook grinned brightly, his nose crinkling up. He rose quickly and nodded even as Yoongi walked away. “I will,” he said, not wanting to turn his back as he watched Yoongi walk behind the counter. “I’ll see you—” He winced when his hip bumped the corner of a table hard enough to sting. He moved out of the way, nearly running into the customer. 

“Sorry!” He cried, bowing low. He glanced up, his cheeks warm as he spotted Yoongi watching him, an amused smirk on his face. 

Jungkook made it out of the café and over to his arcade without any further accidents. His mind was whirring over what had just happened. Yoongi had said he was cute. Yoongi had kissed his cheek. And asked him to come over. Was this happening? Was he going to win the guy? 

The other information Yoongi provided him also crept back in. Now that Yoongi dating him might be reality, rather than theory, would Jungkook really be okay with sharing him with another partner? The more he thought about it, the more he realized he would. The idea of sharing Yoongi with someone else was intriguing. He wondered how date nights might look, if Yoongi would call them both boyfriends – if the other partner would even be a boy. What if he fell for that one too? It was something he’d never considered before; being in love with two men at the same time, but it was something that he was very interested in exploring. What was Yoongi’s type too? Would it be someone else similar to Jungkook? Or totally opposite? His mind wandered through all the possibilities, making the day pass easily. 

Shortly before closing time, the front door opened. Jungkook glanced up from where he was sanitizing one of the game systems. His brows rose, disappearing into his shaggy hair when he saw none other than Jin standing in his doorway. 

“Good afternoon,” he said politely, bowing. “You looking for something specific? We have some open computers at the internet bar, and some other game systems. I just cleaned this one, so—”

“I’m looking for you,” Jin said bluntly. His jaw was set, giving him a stern look, but there was something unreadable in his eyes. “Can we chat?”

“Of course.” Jungkook nodded, heading behind the small counter that housed a few mini fridges worth of snacks and books filled with codes and game information. He tucked the sanitizing supplies on the bottom shelf and waved Taehyung over. “Keep an eye on the front for me, okay?”

Taehyung glanced at Jin before nodding to Jungkook. Jungkook motioned for Jin to follow him, unlocking a nondescript door that led into an “office” – really it was a gutted storage closet, but it worked to keep the fancy and important stuff out of sight of customers… And for private meetings. Jungkook leaned on the small desk. 

“What do you need to talk about?”

“When did you start dating Yoongi?”

Jungkook blinked. “Who said I was dating him?”

“I saw you two this afternoon. He kissed you.”

“He kissed my cheek,” Jungkook corrected. “And you’re a snoop.”

“The shop’s windows aren’t exactly hidden away. I was walking past and saw.”

Jungkook nodded. He sighed and went around, slumping into the folding chair he’d set up to sit in while dealing with bills and other business things. “Well, we aren’t dating. I assumed he was dating you… I saw you two awful cozy this morning.”

“Oh, now who’s the snoop?” Jin grumbled, leaning on the door. 

The two remained silent for a long time, staring each other down across the small space. Jungkook couldn’t help but notice how the fabric of Jin’s shirt stretched across his broad shoulders. Though it was a well fitted, button up shirt, it still seemed tight with his body. His belt was cinched around his waist, making his slender hips all the more obvious as well. Jungkook couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like to hold onto those slender hips, or wrap his arms around the broad shoulder span. And the more he looked, the more he noticed Jin’s mouth and neck. The curve of his throat, ridged with muscle, his full, pink lips that looked just a little chapped – but still oh so soft. The gentle curve of his nose and the smooth, shiny glow to his skin. Despite working in a bakery all day, not a hair was out of place, bangs parted just so to show a broad, smooth forehead that was begging to be kissed.

It was Jungkook who broke first, laughing in the silent room. He shook his head. “This is so stupid,” he said through bursts of laughter. Jin tried to remain stoic but broke as well, laughing along with Jungkook. 

When their laughter faded, Jungkook shook his head, wiping his cheeks. “Look, I do like Yoongi. That’s no secret. And yeah, he did kiss my cheek – he was flirting. So, if you like him… I encourage you to tell him.”

“You just said he likes you.”

“And he likes you too. He told me today.” Jungkook hesitated. He didn’t want to say too much about what Yoongi told him; it wasn’t his place to tell. “You should talk to him. His answer might surprise you. But either way – we’ve been fighting over him for months, when in reality this is his choice. He deserves to know the truth so he can make that choice.”

Jin’s shoulders sagged just a little. He nodded. “I know you’re right. But I don’t want to make it harder for him if he has decided to date you.”

“I know you don’t, but you won’t know what he decides until you tell him. He’s a big boy – I’m sure he can handle it.”

Jin chuckled. “True… Thanks, Jungkook.” He turned to go, then turned back. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a dick these past few months.”

Jungkook grinned. “I’m not. It’s been fun. I’ve kinda enjoyed our pranking.”

“Is that so?” Jin smirked. “Well, maybe I won’t stop then.”

“I’ll be waiting.” 

Jin turned and walked out, leaving Jungkook to wrestle with far more internal questions than he had answers for. 

That night, Jungkook headed over to Deja Brew as soon as he closed things up. The lights were mostly off, save for a few near the back and behind the counter. Assuming it was locked, Jungkook knocked gently. He saw movement from the back, and Yoongi came rushing out. Even in the fading sunlight, Jungkook could see he looked a little flushed and surprised. He opened the door, smiling brightly. “You came.”

“Of course I did… You okay?” Jungkook could see his cheeks were mottled and his hair was a little mussed.

“Yes. But… I have to tell you something.”

Jungkook stepped into the café, letting Yoongi close and lock the door behind him. He shouldered his bag a little higher onto his shoulder. “What do you have to tell me?”

“There’s been… A bit of a development. That I didn’t expect… When I told you to come by.”

“Oh?”

“Evening, Jungkook.” The voice came from the back room, where Yoongi had rushed from. Jungkook looked over Yoongi’s shoulder, his eyes widening. Jin was leaning against the doorframe. He was wearing the same shirt as he had been when he met Jungkook, but now it was hanging open save for two bottom buttons, his firm, broad chest exposed. It was damp with sweat and flushed red, as was Jin’s face and ears. His hair was a little mussed and his mouth – if anyone could believe it – was just a little plumper. 

“Oh!” Jungkook backed up. “I am so sorry. I didn’t realize—”

“Don’t go,” Yoongi whispered. 

“But you and Jin—”

“He came over,” Yoongi nodded. “But I want to talk to you still. I don’t want you to go, please.”

Jungkook nodded. He met Jin’s gaze, a little surprised to see a gentleness there. He’d won – he expected Jin to look smug. He followed Yoongi back into the back room, and Jin followed as well, leaning against a nearby wall.

“Jin came over earlier,” Yoongi began. “He said you encouraged him to.”

“I did. He came to me and I said it was only fair to you. To tell you how he felt and let you choose. I guess he did and… You did.”

“How do you mean?” Yoongi asked. 

“Well, you two…” Jungkook motioned to Jin’s open shirt. 

“Oh, yeah. We did. I mean, we are… But… I told you earlier today. How I felt,” Yoongi said. “You said… A lot. About how you’d feel about it. Was that true?”

“About the… More than one person thing?”

Yoongi nodded.

“Yeah, I meant it all. I wouldn’t mind. If I knew you cared and were happy, I’d try.”

“Well I told Jin too.”

“And I said the same thing,” Jin added. 

Jungkook smiled softly. “I’m glad. It’s good to find similarly minded people.”

“Jungkook,” Jin stepped forward. “You’re kinda dumb, aren’t you?”

Jungkook pouted. “No,” he mumbled. “I was just trying to be fair, I didn’t—”

“Jungkook, you and me and Yoongi all say the same thing. We’d be happy to try a relationship with more than one person.”

“Yeah, I got that…” Jungkook said, glancing between the two. 

“Right… And we both like Yoongi,” Jin continued. “And… Considering the way you were eye fucking me in the office earlier…”

Jungkook’s eyes bulged. He opened his mouth to argue, but Jin shook his head. “I know when someone is giving me that look. I would’ve told you to stop if I didn’t like it.”

“You…”

“Think you’re kinda… Annoying.” Jin laughed at Jungkook’s expression. “And really attractive. Plus you’re competitive and stubborn and loyal…”

“You didn’t lose anything, Jungkook,” Yoongi said. “If you don’t want to lose, that is. If you want… You can both have me.”

Jungkook’s eyes bulged. Comically, if the laughter of Yoongi and Jin meant anything. “You mean—I—I could be with you both?” Jungkook stumbled over his words, wanting to kick himself.

Yoongi nodded. “Why should I choose between you when you both want me and I… Want both of you. And since you’re both okay with sharing me, then… It only seems fair to do so.”

“I was simply getting started a little early,” Jin teased, pulling Yoongi back to him. He kissed him hard.

Jungkook wasn’t sure what to do. He’d just been given the okay – he could date Yoongi – and Jin. He stepped forward, setting his backpack on the ground. Cautiously, he reached out, touching Yoongi’s wrist. 

Jin broke the kiss. “Don’t be shy,” he murmured, nuzzling Yoongi’s neck even as he looked up at Jungkook. 

Jungkook took a deep breath. He stepped forward, pulling Yoongi to him and kissing him. The reality of what was happening seemed to hit him suddenly when their lips met. He grabbed his cheeks, holding him close even as Yoongi laughed into his mouth. Jungkook felt a warmth behind him and hands on his hips. Jin. 

“Can I share you too, Jungkook?” Jin whispered in his ear. Jungkook broke the kiss with Yoongi, looking over to meet Jin’s gaze. 

“I—I guess so.”

Jin smiled softly. He stepped to the side, wrapping one arm around Jungkook and pulling him into a deep, needy kiss. His mouth tasted of warm, sweet vanilla and a hint of spice, while Yoongi’s had tasted like coffee beans and chai. It was the perfect blend. 

Yoongi’s mouth landed on his neck, his hand sliding Jungkook’s front as he and Jin kissed. He felt hands on his jeans and gasped, breaking the kiss. He glanced down. Jin was undoing Jungkook’s jeans. 

“You can stop me,” Jin said softly. 

“And me,” Yoongi added.

“No,” Jungkook leaned back, sliding his hand up Yoongi’s neck and through his hair. “Wouldn’t dream of it.” He reached forward, touching Jin’s bare chest before sliding lower, his fingers tracing the firm muscle of his abdomen. He undid the other two buttons of his shirt and pulled it open just as Jin opened his jeans. The slid down a little, and Yoongi helped, pushing them the rest of the way down to his ankles. Jungkook toed his sneakers off and kicked the jeans off. He let go of Jin’s chest to turn, grabbing Yoongi’s belt. “I’m not gonna be the only one with no pants,” he said.

Yoongi laughed. “I’ve already had my pants off. I put them on when you came in.”

“Oh, is that so?” Jungkook undid his belt and unzipped his jeans. “What were you two doing in here?” He looked back at Jin, who smirked.

“I was showing him just how… Versatile my food can be.”

“Is that so?”

Jin nodded. Jungkook pushed Yoongi’s jeans down and turned. “Well now I’m envious… Can I get a lesson in that diversity too?” He pouted.

Jin smirked. “I’m sure that can be arranged. He circled around the two and opened a small fridge under Yoongi’s desk. He pulled out a small cheesecake and a can of spray whipped cream. “Mind if I get some things from up front, Yoongi?” 

Yoongi shook his head no, busying himself kissing along Jungkook’s neck. “Bet this isn’t at all what you expected tonight,” he murmured.

“Not at all,” Jungkook leaned into his touch. “But I’m not complaining.”

He turned, pulling Yoongi’s shirt off over his head. He took a moment to stroke his hands over Yoongi’s soft skin, tweaking his nipples just a bit and giggling when Yoongi hissed. Yoongi moved forward, forcing Jungkook to walk backwards until his back hit the wall. He moaned openly, grabbing Yoongi’s hips. 

“Don’t come in your shorts now, I have some fun for you two,” Jin teased when he re-entered, holding a cup of coffee and a bowl of what looked like ice. He set them on the table next to the food and beckoned the two over.

“Yoongi… He smirked. He scraped a small chunk off the cheesecake and brought the fork toward Yoongi. Yoongi opened his mouth for it, but Jin moved the fork at the last second, smearing the cheesecake over Yoongi’s bare collarbone. He looked at Jungkook. “Go on.”

Jungkook grinned. He moved forward, gently licking and sucking the cheesecake from Yoongi’s collarbone. He let his teeth graze over the area, enjoying the squeeze of Yoongi’s hands on his waist. 

“Take your shirt off now,” Jin whispered when Jungkook had cleaned Yoongi’s skin, and left an array of delightful red marks in his wake. Jungkook obeyed, stripping his shirt off and tossing it to the side. Jin did the same, and stripped his jeans off as well, leaving all three in their boxers. Jin grabbed the can of whipped cream, looking between the two. “Who wants a treat?” 

“Yoongi,” Jungkook said. “I stole his cheesecake after all.”

Jin stepped forward and reached out, palming Jungkook through his boxers. Jungkook gasped, his eyelids fluttering shut. 

“Lets get these off then,” Jin whispered, pressing a kiss to Jungkook’s jaw. Yoongi stepped forward, sliding them down his hips. Jin made a low noise of appreciation when his cock sprang free. He shook the can once more. 

“It’ll be cold,” he warned before tipping it upside down. He pressed Jungkook’s cock down a little further so it was more parallel to the ground and sprayed a few lines of the creamy dessert whip over his shaft. 

Jungkook forced his eyes open as Yoongi sank to the ground, licking his lips. He grasped Jungkook’s cock gently behind the tip, careful not to disturb the whipped cream, and looked up at him. Slow and steady, he began to lap to Jungkook’s cock, catching the cream with his tongue. Each inch slipped into his mouth, hot and warm and slick, Jungkook gasped, reaching out for anything to brace himself. Jin caught him, holding his hips to keep him upright as Yoongi sucked his cock.

“That’s it, feels nice, doesn’t it?” Jin murmured in his ear, reaching up to pinch Jungkook’s nipples gently. Jungkook moaned, stroking his fingers through Yoongi’s hair. 

“Wanna repay the favor?” He asked softly when Yoongi had sucked all the cream from Jungkook’s cock.

Jungkook nodded. “But—What about you?” He asked, sliding his hand down to palm Jin’s cock. 

Jin smirked. “Oh, wanna see what I have too?” He teased. Jungkook nodded.

“Only fair,” Yoongi said as he stood. He slid his own boxers off and they turned to Jin, shedding the final article of clothing he wore as well. 

Jin handed Jungkook a piece of ice. “Put it in your mouth… And suck my cock,” he instructed. He took a mouthful of coffee and knelt in front of Yoongi. Glancing up, he winked. He grabbed Yoongi’s cock and gave it a few strokes before slowly sliding it past his closed lips. Yoongi groaned and jerked. A bit of the warm coffee dribbled out, down Jin’s chin and chest. He began to bob his head, and Jungkook could hear the slosh of the coffee in his mouth as he sucked Yoongi. 

Jungkook dropped to his hands and knees and placed the ice chip in his mouth. He grabbed Jin’s cock and gave it a few strokes, blowing first gently on it. Jin shuddered and grabbed the back of Jungkook’s neck, squeezing just enough to be known. Jungkook watched goosebumps appear on his thick thighs. He leaned down further and sucked Jin’s cock into his mouth. He flicked the slowly melting ice chip over and around it, using Jin’s grip on the back of his neck to guide what felt the best. Yoongi’s moans were filling the air, as well as the heavy breathing of all three and the wet noises of the two sucking. Jin pulled back and swallowed, gasping and moaning Jungkook’s name. Yoongi sank to the ground and grabbed another ice chip, tapping Jungkook on the shoulder. He moved back, allowing Yoongi to take over. 

Jungkook stood and grabbed a forkful of the cheesecake. He slowly streaked it down his belly and over his cock, leaving a little bite on the tip of his cock. Jin smirked, his mouth open already. Jungkook guided him to his cock, moaning when Jin took his tip into his mouth. He sucked hard, flicking his tongue over the top of the head to get the remnants of cheesecake. He moved up then, shifting as much as he could with his cock in Yoongi’s mouth, and licked and nibbled at Jungkook’s belly. Down, over his cock, firm licks and daring grazes of his teeth that had Jungkook tensing in preparation for pain – and moaning in disbelieving arousal when it didn’t come. He was dribbling precoma freely, and knew he wouldn’t last long.  Jin pulled back and moaned, tugging on Yoongi’s hair gently.

“Stop, stop—I’m gonna come,” he whined.

Yoongi pulled back, looking up at him. “Isn’t that the point?” He teased. 

Jin chuckled. “I suppose. But it wouldn’t be fair of you to hoard it to yourself, what if Jungkook wanted a taste?”

Jungkook smirked. “He could share with me after it’s already in his mouth, I suppose.”

Jin’s breathing caught, just a bit, and he nodded. “I suppose he could.” He and Yoongi rose and Jin grabbed a small bowl from the fridge. “My homemade frosting,” he explained when Jungkook twitched his head at it. He uncovered the bowl and took a spoon, stirring it. “Yoongi. Come here.” 

When Yoongi approached, he slathered the frosting over the length of Yoongi’s thick cock, adding a playful swirl to the dollop at the tip. He looked to Jungkook. “He’s the only one you’ve not tasted yet. Go for it.”

Jungkook sank down and took him into his mouth quickly, moaning around his length. The rich, sweet vanilla cream blended perfectly with Yoongi’s salty precome, dribbling in and teasing him with the promise of more. Jungkook bobbed his head quickly, eager to swallow down both the frosting and Yoongi’s unique taste. Yoongi held back no sounds, tugging softly at Jungkook’s hair as he moaned happily. 

Jin dropped down next to Jungkook, shifting to suck and lick at the part of Yoongi’s cock not in Jungkook’s mouth. They switched, taking turns lavishing attention over Yoongi’s cock. Their mouths often met in wet kisses, his cock slotted between their lips. He whined, his hips bucking. 

“Please—” He panted. “It’s okay, you can come,” Jin purred, swallowing his cock down. He backed up, letting Jungkook do the same. They kept at it until Yoongi’s cock began to throb. As it did, Jungkook pulled back, holding it towards them and stroking quickly. The ropes of come erupted from his cock, hitting both on the cheeks and open mouths. Jungkook whined softly, feeling a rope shoot over his tongue. As his orgasm faded, Jin grabbed Jungkook’s face, kissing him hard. They cleaned Yoongi’s release from one another with kisses, sharing the salty treat between them. 

Yoongi sank down, his legs shaking visibly. He grabbed for Jungkook and Jin’s cocks, stroking one in each hand as they made out. Jungkook pulled back in time to see Yoongi leaning forward, swallowing Jin’s cock down as he stroked Jungkook’s. He switched after a few moments, wrapping his perfect lips around Jungkook’s cock and stroking Jin’s. 

“God, I’m already close,” Jungkook whined, holding onto Jin as Yoongi bobbed his head along his shaft. 

“Come in his mouth,” Jin murmured. “You can see how much he wants it.”

Yoongi whined in agreement, his breath hot around Jungkook’s cock. He began to bob his head a little faster, reaching up to play with Jungkook’s balls as he did. 

“That’s it,” Jin praised, stroking the back of Yoongi’s neck. Jungkook let his head fall onto Jin’s shoulder, his fingers biting into his side as Yoongi’s mouth dragged him closer to orgasm. He grunted, biting his lip. Jin slid his hand down, squeezing Jungkook’s ass. He brushed his finger teasingly over Jungkook’s hole, smirking when he jumped. 

“Sensitive,” teased.

Jungkook moaned, pushing his hips forward, pumping into Yoongi’s mouth, and back toward Jin’s hand. The hand disappeared from his ass for a moment. He heard Jin spit and it was back, one finger slipping into his hole. Jungkook shouted in surprise. His hips jerked forward and back, gagging Yoongi.

“Sorry,” he panted, laughing breathlessly as Jin began to finger him. Yoongi gave a thumbs up, shifting to adjust his movements. 

Jin found Jungkook’s prostate easily and began to rub and press it, murmuring soft praises in his ear. 

Jungkook whimpered. He tugged Yoongi’s hair gently. “I can’t hold back,” he gasped in warning. Yoongi nodded as well as he could and pulled back, focusing his oral work on Jungkook’s tip. He rubbed and pressed his balls gently at the same time Jin pushed a second finger up his ass, scissoring them and rubbing against his spot. Jungkook swore, his legs beginning to shake. His cock jerked as his orgasm hit, spilling ropes of come into Yoongi’s mouth. 

Jin slowed his fingers but kept them buried inside Jungkook, rubbing just enough to keep a low level orgasmic buzz running through Jungkook as he milked him dry. 

Yoongi rose, his mouth open to show the come in it. He winked at Jungkook before pulling Jin into a deep kiss. Jungkook struggled to stay upright, watching them share his come.

When Yoongi pulled away, Jin withdrew his fingers momentarily.

“Can I keep fingering you while I come?” He asked. 

Jungkook smirked tiredly. “Of course.” He bent over the desk, wiggling his ass playfully. 

“Wanna finger mine too?” Yoongi teased.

“Well, I’d like to do more than that,” Jin murmured, kissing Yoongi once more. “But I’ll settle for rubbing off on it… If you’ll let me.” 

Yoongi immediately bent over the desk next to Jungkook, kissing him softly. Jin added more spit to Jungkook’s hole, going back to fingering him lazily. Jungkook whined, his soft cock still dribbling weak ropes of come at the right pressure on his spot. He glanced over, watching Jin spit on his other hand to slick his cock. He slid it up, along Yoongi’s perky ass, and moaned, immediately beginning to hump against it. 

After a while, Jin pulled his fingers free from Jungkook’s hole and squeezed Yoongi’s ass, swearing softly. 

“Spread it,” he panted. Yoongi obeyed, spreading his ass open for Jin. 

Jin spat against his hole, and Jungkook watched him slide a finger in gently. Yoongi moaned, deep in his chest as he did. Jin removed his finger and lined his cock up, poking the tip gently against Yoongi’s tight hole. He paused, jerking his cock quickly. 

He moved over to Jungkook, squeezing his ass. 

“Spread,” he panted. Jungkook obeyed, blushing darkly when he heard Jin spit and felt a glob land on his hole. Jin went immediately with his cock, spreading it with the tip and nudging Jungkook’s hole. Slightly more relaxed from the earlier fingering, Jungkook felt his hole give a little, and he moaned.

“Goddamnit,” Jin panted. Jungkook could hear him stroking his cock, the nudges against his hole becoming more persistent. “I wish I could fuck you both,” he grunted.

“Next time I’ll have lube,” Yoongi murmured. “I’d particularly like to see you take Jungkook and pound him against the wall… Looks like you make such pretty sounds with a cock up your ass, Jungkook.”

Jungkook laughed breathlessly, moaning softly. “I think I do… I love begging for it,” he admitted.

Both Jin and Yoongi made appreciative noises. 

“I’d like to fuck him after,” Yoongi continued. “Lay him on his his belly right over there… And fuck him after you gape his ass. You could fuck me while I was doing it.”

“Jesus Christ,” Jin swore. He moved between them and grabbed the plate of cheesecake, setting it on the table. With a soft groan and a series of rhythmic grunts, Jin came, thick ropes spilling from his cock over the dessert. 

Jungkook met Yoongi’s gaze and smirked, understanding the intention. They both grabbed forks and began to cut into the cake, feeding one another the come covered bites over Jin’s cock. He moaned softly, seeming to shudder and relax as they ate. Jungkook scooped up the last bite and stood straight, holding it out for Jin, he took it gladly, meeting Jungkook’s gaze as he chewed and swallowed. He leaned forward, kissing Yoongi and then Jungkook. Jungkook returned the kiss, pulling back to kiss Yoongi as well. 

The three redressed and cleaned up the office in relative silence, each seeming to be going over what had happened.

“So… That was… Admittedly a little unexpected,” Yoongi said finally, settling into his chair behind the desk. Jin, for all his gusto, looked a little shy, and Jungkook was worried. 

“Was it too much?” Jungkook asked. 

“I don’t think so. Not for me, at least… What about you two?” 

“I liked it,” Jin said. “I had fun and it was a good way to… Try out this dynamic, of all three of us. I’ve never… I’ve never dated more than one person at a time, but I like Jungkook, and I want to try it. And I know it’s where you feel comfortable. So for me, it was nice to sort of… See where we all stood and get close in a new way.”

Jungkook nodded. “I agree. I had said earlier today that I’d be fine with my partner dating someone else, and I kept thinking about that during the day. My mind did wander to Jin a few times, I won’t lie. I think he’s the best match for both of us. He and I have always had our…”

“Rivalry,” Jin filled in, laughing a little, and Jungkook nodded.

“Yes, rivalry. That I have enjoyed. And I obviously care a lot for you, Yoongi… I’m happy with tonight and… I hope we can move forward as a … Well, not really a couple, are we?”

Yoongi laughed. “Not exactly. There’s a lot of words that people have come up with for folks in our dynamic, we can figure it out later. For now I’m content just knowing that there’s no regrets. And that we all want to move forward into… Dating.”

Jungkook and Jin both nodded eagerly. 

“How will dating work?” Jungkook asked. “Do the three of us go together? Two at a time? I mean… Since Jin and I, I figured… You are okay with… Wanting to date me too?”

“I’d like to try it,” Jin said, nodding in agreement.

“I’ve never actually had this kind of relationship,” Yoongi admitted, “despite wanting it for so long. I think we’ll have to sit down together and really hash out what each of us need in a relationship, and how the other two can best provide it. I do know that for this sort of thing… We need to be open with each other.”

Yoongi rose as he spoke, going over to Jin and Jungkook. He took each of their hands in his own. “Communicating is the only way this can work, okay? No more secrets, no more unspoken words and passive aggressive pranking.”

Thy all shared a chuckle at that. Jungkook shook his head. “I think pranking has really become Jin and I’s love language… You’re not gonna stop the pranks, Yoongi.”

Yoongi sighed dramatically, grinning. “And here I was hoping I’d get to avoid Jin shouting at seven in the morning when you’ve stolen his mixer yet again.”

Jungkook grinned brightly as Jin laughed. 

“Look, that was a good prank!” Jungkook defended.

“Yeah, only because I returned it shutting down your fuse box the next day.”

Jungkook glared, but grinned as he was doing it. “We’ll keep you out of the pranks,” he promised, looking back to Yoongi.

“I don’t mind. Just don’t prank me.”

“It’s late,” Jin said. “Why don’t we all have a light dinner together tomorrow after closing? We can meet here, I’ll bring some stuff from the bakery too, and we can have some of the leftover sandwiches from your café. We can all sit together and really talk about what we need and what we’d like from this sort of relationship.”

Jungkook and Yoongi nodded. “I like that idea. I’d like to think more about it anyways,” Jungkook admitted. “I know I want this, but I’ve not been in a lot of relationships, so… When someone asks me what I want from even a traditional two person… I don’t think I could answer. I need to really think and figure it out.”

“I feel like that’s a fair assessment,” Yoongi said. “I’m in a similar boat. The idea that you’re both… Mine… It’s a lot. I’m happy. I’m just overwhelmed.”

“You never thought you could have this,” Jin said. Yoongi nodded.

“Well you do,” Jungkook stepped forward and hugged Yoongi tightly, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “And we might have to figure out the fine-tuning stuff, but you have us. It’s not a dream.”

Yoongi hugged him back, nuzzling his neck. “Thank you.”

“We care a lot about you, Yoongi. No matter what. I think I can speak for Jungkook too when I say that this is a good move for us all. We’re happy, and we’ll be happy like this,” Jin said. He wrapped his arms around them both, enveloping them in a tight hug. 

They separated after a moment and Jungkook grabbed his bag. “Come on, we should get going. Do you have any last-minute things to do?”

“No, I’m all closed up here, just have to shut off lights.” Yoongi headed to the back of the office and grabbed his jacket, flicking off the lights and basking them in darkness.

The trio walked to the doors and stepped out into the cool night air, letting Yoongi lock his door. They stood for a moment, all looking at one another in the streetlights. “Well, I go this way,” Jungkook said, jutting his finger in the direction of his bus stop. 

“I’m that way too,” Yoongi said. 

“I go the other way,” Jin said. He glanced around then stepped forward and kissed Yoongi long and hard. Jungkook chuckled a little at it. It was cute, if he was being honest. Jin glared playfully at him. “What’re you laughing at, punk?” He joked. He grabbed Jungkook’s shirt and pulled him into a kiss as well. 

He stood straight and fixed his shirt. “I’ll see you two tomorrow.”

“Get home safely,” Yoongi said. They watched Jin walk down the street before turning and walking up it. 

“How far up do you go?” Yoongi asked. 

“My bus stop is about two blocks away.”

“Do you live very far?”

Jungkook shook his head no. “Only a few miles. Just a little too far to walk or ride a bike in, so I have to do the bus.”

Yoongi nodded. “I only live about half a mile up, so I usually walk it. Do you have a car, for the winter?”

“No, but the bus stop is right outside my apartment so it’s not so bad. The city keeps these streets shoveled well.”

“Hm… Well, we’ll see when winter comes. I have a car, I just don’t bother using it except winter with how close I live. I wonder how far down Jin lives.” He glanced back. 

“We can ask him tomorrow.” 

They reached Jungkook’s bus stop. Yoongi sighed softly. “I wanted to thank you.”

“For what?”

“The conversation we had this afternoon gave me so much joy and confidence… Just hearing someone support me and give me hope that I could be truly happy… And then I know you sent Jin to me. Even though you knew it might mean losing me if I didn’t want you as a third, I… Your care means so much.”

Jungkook smiled softly. “I fell for you the minute I saw you, Yoongi. I want you to be happy, no matter what. And getting to be with you… And with Jin… It’s perfect. For as much as he and I argue, he’s an amazing man.”

“He is… And so are you.” Yoongi took Jungkook’s hands and squeezed gently. “I’m so happy that this happened.”

Jungkook grinned, his heart skipping a beat. He leaned forward and kissed Yoongi gently. “My bus will be here soon,” he said, not stepping away from Yoongi. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you.” Yoongi kissed him once more before letting his hands go and heading down the street. 

Jungkook sighed heavily, a grin on his face as he did. Though he’d been hoping for a good result from finally confronting his feelings, this was a better one that he’d ever imagined. He knew that their future would be a sweet as the coffee and pastries his new boyfriends created.

[criminalhotch]

Porch Kisses~ Aaron Hotchner

Word Count:1.5k

Warnings: nothing it’s pretty fluffy. Hotch cusses once but that’s the craziest it gets.

A/N: I wrote this in second POV to mix it up so if it’s trash or there’s grammar mistakes I am sorry. I did try to proofread it. It is based off of this concept ask: Hotch taking jack to a birthday party for a friend from school and he meets the kid’s aunt and falls for her and it’s so fluffy ughhh

This weekend was your nephew’s 7th birthday party. He was having a few friends over for his party and you came over early to help your sister with everything. She warned you that one of the dad’s was pretty hot and that he worked for the FBI. You’d be lying if you said that didn’t interest you at least a little bit.

You found out that it was Alex’s friend, Jack whose dad your sister was trying to hook you up with. You were busy refilling the punch when you heard Alex scream Jack’s name in excitement so you turned to see the small blonde boy and his dad. His dad was well over 6 feet tall and extremely attractive.

They had a gift bag for Alex that his dad walked over to the gift table then headed towards the drink bowl that you were still refilling with a potpourri of ingredients. “Can I get some or should I wait?” He asked. “I would wait, I haven't added everything so the proportions may be off. I’m almost done though” you explained. “Take your time” he said.

“Your Alex’s aunt right?” He asked as you finished mixing the punch. “Yeah, you’re Jack’s dad right?” You replied. “Yes, you can call me Aaron. It’s a little more specific than Jack’s dad” he laughed lightly. “Alright, Aaron. I’m Y/N” you told him. “I think I can remember that,” he smiled. “So my sister said you work for the FBI?” You offered.

“Yeah, the justice department. I love my job but I’m gone a lot so it’s difficult to be here for Jack as much as I would like to be” he explained. “Well I’m sure Jack’s mom takes good care of him when you’re gone” you said which you quickly realized was a big mistake. “His mom, my ex-wife passed away two years ago but her sister watches him when I’m gone. She’s usually the one to take him to these things. I feel so out of place” he admitted.

“I’m sorry for loss but I know what you mean. My sister asked me to help but I don’t know anyone but our family” you chuckled. “Well now you know me” Aaron smiled as he finally got a cup of punch. “I guess I do” you smiled back as your sister called out it was time for cake.

You and Aaron went your separate ways but you kept sneaking glances at one another and smiled or offered a small wave in the other person’s direction throughout the party. Jack was getting sleepy and Aaron had him tossed over his shoulder as he was getting ready to leave. It made you sad that you weren’t going to see this devilishly handsome man again but then he started walking towards you.

“So my schedule is kind of crazy but I was wondering if you wanted to go for dinner sometime?” Aaron asked. “I think I’d like that” you smiled eagerly. “I can call you when I’m not on a case”, he offered. “Okay, I can give you my number” you replied. Aaron reached his free hand down to his pocket and quickly realized Jack was sleeping on the side with his phone.

“Give me your hand, I have a pen and I can write it on your hand like we did in the 90’s before everyone had cell phones” you laughed as he gave you his large hand. You scribbled your number down then let his hand go. “I’ll talk to you later then” he said. “Sounds good” you responded.

After the party had died down you found your sister. “I saw you talking to Mr. Hotchner a lot today” she commented. “His name is Aaron and he asked me on a date, I gave him my number” you confessed. “Damn, sis. Way to go” she encouraged.

A couple weeks went by and Aaron had to cancel your date twice because of his job but you understood, telling him not to worry about it. You were starting to get nervous that he had changed his mind until he showed up at your door one night.

“Aaron what are you doing here?” You asked in confusion. “I decided that we were going to dinner while I was home so I didn’t have to reschedule again and scare you away” he replied. “It takes a little more than a couple rescheduled dates to scare me away” you told him. “I didn’t want to take the chance so we have reservations at eight” Aaron said.

“I’ll have to get ready”, you admitted. “You look beautiful but for where we are going you are a tad underdressed with the sweatpants” he chuckled. “You can come sit on the couch, help yourself to the tv. Give me 20 minutes” you offered. “Okay” he agreed.

You quickly twirled your hair into a cute little up-do that didn’t take too long, did a quick run through of a basic makeup routine, then found a beautiful black dress with some red heels. After looking in the mirror, you decided you were missing one thing. Lipstick. Rummaging through your makeup bag you applied the red lipstick that accented your makeup and your outfit perfectly.

You walked back out into the living and Aaron turned to look at you. “Excuse my French but you look fucking stunning” he complimented. “Thank you. Are you ready?” You asked. “Whenever you are”, he replied. We made our way out of the door as you locked it. Aaron was a couple steps ahead of you. Out of nowhere, you felt courageous, maybe it was the excitement or it could be the lipstick, who knows.

In a wave of confidence you called his name as he turned back to you. “Is everything alright?” He asked. You took a step closer, smashing your lips onto his. He was surprised at first, his body tensed but it quickly released as he melted into the kiss. You pulled away smiling. “What was that for?” He wondered. “I figured we could get it out of the way so it wouldn’t be awkward later” you smirked as you grabbed his hand pulling him towards the sidewalk.

You made it to dinner. It was an over priced restaurant that you had never heard of and you were shocked he was able to get a reservation so last minute but apparently one of his coworkers plays poker with the owner so they pulled some strings. You guys talked about your jobs, your favorite things, and even Jack and Alex.

It turns out Jack is a pretty funny kid. “So Jack asked me the morning after Alex’s party if I thought you were pretty” Aaron admits. “Oh yeah? And what was your response?” You teased. “I told him that I thought you were very pretty and then he asked if I was going to take you on a date and I told him that I planned to” He admitted. “What did he say about that?” You replied.

“He told me that if we got married that it would be really cool because him and Alex would be related. I told him not to get ahead of himself and we needed to see how dinner went before we started sending out any invitations” Aaron chuckled. “Kids are so funny aren’t they?” You laughed. “Yes, they are” he replied, smiling. “Well you can report back to Jack that the date went very well and if his dad is interested that I would love to go on another one when he’s not on a case” you confessed.

“I’ll be sure to let Jack and his dad know that”, Aaron smiled. “Sounds great” you agreed. Aaron insisted that he pay for the meal and then he drove you home. He walked you to the door as you both stood underneath the porch light. “You know I think the last time we were standing on this porch something exciting happened” you teased. Luckily, Aaron took the hint. “Yeah, if I remember correctly it went something like this” he said as he leaned down to connect your lips again.

His lips were soft and slow. His right hand was pressed up against your cheek as your lips melted together. Aaron pulled away first, “I hope you had fun tonight” he murmured. “I did, thank you. It was spontaneous and fun but simple” you told him. “Sounds tough to beat” he chuckled. “I’m sure you can manage”, you reassured.

“I’ll ask Jack what he thinks. We may end up going to a park and eating chicken nuggets” he joked. “Sounds like a good time to me” you laughed. “Goodnight, Y/N” he said. “Goodnight, Aaron” I said as I walked inside of my house and shut the door.

Tonight was a lot of fun and you had more in common than you expected. You looked forward to your next date whenever it may be. And as much fun as a park and chicken nuggets sound, you were sure Aaron would come up with something a little less kid friendly.

[kaitycole]

Love One: the love that looks right

Summary: Ushijima has been your neighbor and best friend for most of your life, so it's no surprise that you two end up being each other's first relationship. But can a relationship that's label as perfect from the beginning, that's seen as being 'The One', can it last?

Parings: Ushijima x Reader

Word Count: 4916

Warnings: Fluff? Light angst.

Rating: 16+

A/N: This series is based on an article that talks about how in live, most of us experience three types of love. I’ll link the article in the series master post for anyone who wants to read it!

2000 – 6 years old

“Toshi! Toshi!” You ran down the steps in front of your house, skipping across the yard and into the neighboring yard, continuing to shout out of the young boy. You found him, watering can in hand, inspecting some plant whose name you can’t remember even though he’s told you several times.

A smirk appeared as you slowed your pace, creeping up behind him before you jumped onto his back, yelling his name a bit too loudly and too close to his ear. He gasped, water spilled everywhere as the can fell, and before he could balance his footing, you fell off his back, landing directly on his plant.

“Oops, sorry Toshi.” You took the hand that he offered, fixed your eyes on the tips of your shoes, tears pooled in your eyes. “It was an accident. Promise.”

He didn’t say anything, gentle hands tried to get the plant to stand, but the broken stem caused it to just fall back onto the soil. His face remained stoic and you couldn’t help but feel terrible, waiting for him to get mad at you. But he didn’t, he just stared at the broken plant, small hands tightly gripped the watering can handle.

He finally looked over at you, tears fell down your cheeks as you stood there, trembling.

He looked around until bright yellow and blue caught your eye, walking to the other side of the yard he picked up the volleyball, turning towards you. “Let’s play.”

A huge smile tugged at your lips before you eagerly agreed, running over towards him, this time just throwing your arms around him. Even though you do most of the talking and he’s usually just going along with one of your various demands, Wakatoshi always seemed to know how to make you feel better. After all, you had both promised to be best friends forever.

*                      * 2010– 16 years old

You let out a sigh, tugging at the purple tie around your neck before glancing out the window. For some reason that day just won’t end, each minute creeping by at a snail-pace, but the blur of green catches your eye. You watch at Ushijima walks through the courtyard, carrying some large box for a teacher who seems to be repeatedly thanking him and you can’t help but smile.

The Ushijimas have been in your life since before you were even born, both of your dads had attended Shiratorizawa Academy back in the day and never really lost contact, even when Utsui moved overseas. Unlike Ushijima, you have a younger brother who’s five years younger than you, but most days the two of you would be found together, usually with either him suggesting volleyball or him just dragging his feet to follow after whatever you wanted to do.

The bell finally rings, signaling the lunch break and you eagerly pack up your books before grabbing your bag and heading out to the courtyard. At first you were worried about school, wondering how you’d be able to fit in, but you ended up going to the same schools with Ushijima and even if you’d only get a small head nod, you still knew he was there. The downside was the amounts of classmates that would try to use you to get close to him, those confessing their crushes for him to you in hopes you’d spread it along with a good word. Not to mention the lack of confessions you’d receive due to the intimidating aura that surrounded Ushijima and the well-known fact you two were close.

“Y/N!” Your best friend, Ren, smiles as she waves you over to your usual table. Ren is one of the only girls who hadn’t tried to get you to talk them up to Ushijima, her sight is set on Yamagata Hayato.

“You okay? You look tired.” Tensei asks, sitting across from you, unscrewing the bottle of juice in his hand.

“The day just feels like it’s dragging for some reason.” You let out a small yawn, excusing yourself as you start to eat the lunch you packed.

“Are you—” Ren starts before she’s interrupted, a random second year coming up to your table.

“Hey, L/N-san,” she starts, “is Ushijima seeing anyone?”

You want to roll your eyes, to let out an agitated sigh and tell her to just leave, but you don’t because it’s not entirely her fault that you get asked this frequently. You couldn’t blame her, he was easy on the eyes, but it didn’t stop part of you from getting a tad bit jealous.

“He’s actually in a committed relationship with Mizuna.” Tensei says, trying to hold back a laugh.

“Or was it Misaka?” Ren teasingly add, watching the second year cross her arms as she storms off.

“You two are trouble.” You laugh, taking a bit of the sandwich you brought, “what are you gonna do when she figures out they are sporting brands?”

“I doubt it. She’ll probably spend the rest of the term trying to figure out which year and class they are in.”

You just shake your head, completely entertained by that idea, mentally noting to use that next time someone asked you about Ushijima’s relationship status. Ren and Tensei are talking about something, but your focus shifts to Ushijima as you see him and Tendou walking through the courtyard, missing the smirk that your two friends share.

“Y/N,” you snap your attention to Ren, “speaking of Ushijima, when are you two going to date?”

It feels like the wind has been knocked out of you, but when you try to breathe in, it’s an icy sensation like winter air. The topic has come up before, several times in fact, but why did this time feel different? You feel your cheeks heat up when Ushijima makes eye contact, he throws up a hand, the closest anyone gets to a wave from him.

“You guys would make a good couple.” Tensei adds, getting an encouraging nod from Ren.

“We’re just friends.” You wave them both off, hoping they’d let it go.

Ren shrugs, “I don’t know. He looks at you differently than everyone else.”

You feel your heart start to thump against your chest, the heat from your cheeks rising to your ears and all you can hear is your racing heart. Did he? Was there a chance that maybe he felt the same way you had? It didn’t take a genius to see that he’s handsome or that even if he’s not the brightest academically, he makes up for it with his athletics.

It never bothered you when you had to help him study, in fact you preferred it because the little crease he got between his eyebrows when he was determined to get something, it was one of your favorite sights. You just never bothered to voice those feelings, hoping that maybe it would help things hurt less when he started dating someone else.

** “Y/N~”

“Tendou!” You jump up from the spot you’ve been sitting outside the gym, wrapping the middle blocker into a hug.

“Have you been out here the whole time? It’s cold, Y/N!”

You give him a sheepish smile, “I forgot my jacket and was waiting for Toshi.”

Tendou shakes his head before tightening his hug around you, he’s warm and you try to soak up the heat. “Ushijima, give me your jacket.” “You have yours on, why do you need mine?” “Just hand it here.” Tendou leans his head backwards to see Ushijima, “please~”

Unfazed, the wing spiker slips out of his jacket, handing it over. Tendou takes it and drapes it over your shoulders, it practically swallows your smaller frame.

“Thanks,” you mumble, basking in the warmth the oversized jacket brings you, your nose burying into the collar as you take in Wakatoshi’s scent. Your eyes widen when you realize what you’re doing, the heat you felt at lunch covering your face again.

“Y/N?” The tall olive-brown haired boy calls out to you and you slowly peak around Tendou, who has a mischievous grin on his face.

“Hey there, Toshi!” You grip the strap of your bag a bit tighter.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming, I’d have given you my jacket before practice.” There’s a flicker of concern in his eyes as he walks closer to you.

“I was fine, really.” You smile up at him before Tendou announces his departure leaving just the two of you. It’s not an uncommon situation, you grew up together but for some reason ever since lunch, just the topic of Ushijima leaves you a mess. Ren’s comment from lunch running through your mind repeatedly.

He looks at you differently than everyone else.

“Ren said we should date.” You tell him, laughing as you recall the conversation. The walk to your dorms is rather peaceful, the two of you exchanging highlights of your day, er well more of you talking about everything that happened while Ushijima listens.

“Okay.”

“Hm?”

“Let’s date then.” Ushijima says matter-of-factly, before he leaves you standing in front of your dorm, dazed and confused, as he heads towards his.

** Your eyes are closed, sleep still weighing them down as you sling your bag over your shoulder, opening the door of your room to head out. But you stop abruptly when you feel yourself run into something, or rather someone and looking up confirms it’s Toshi.

“Uh—” You’re at a loss for what to say, this wasn’t something that happened…ever. Sure, you’d both would sometimes hang out in each other’s rooms, but he never just showed up to yours first thing in the morning.

“Good morning, Y/N.” His voice is his usual even tone which confuses you even more because Ushijima didn’t do anything without a reason, everything had purpose.

“Toshi?” He raises an eyebrow at your question, “don’t take this the wrong way, but uhm, why are you here?”

“Tendou said people in relationships do things like walking to classes and such together. Should I not have come?”

For the first time in 10 years, Ushijima looks unsure and even a bit nervous which is new to you. He’s always put together on the court and at school that it’s almost refreshing to know this was as nerve-wracking for him as it is you.

“I like that you came.” You smile up to him, closing your door before you both begin walking down the hallway. The warmth his hand brings yours causes your heart to thump against your ribs, his larger hand embracing yours. “Tendou tell you about that too?” “No, I figured this out on my own.” He clears his throat, looking away from you but slow enough for you to catch the faint blush under his eyes.

** A month had passed since you and Toshi started dating before you had been able to go home and tell both sets of parents. You felt that a phone call would’ve sufficed, if you were honest, Toshi’s mom scared you a bit, but he persuaded you that in person was better.

The first half of the dinner is awkward, the atmosphere feels heavy around you as you engage in simple small talk about your studies and clubs, luckily for you Toshi had lots to say about volleyball and took over the conversation.

“Anything new in your lives?” Toshi’s mom gave you a look and you could’ve swore that she already knew.

“Actually, Y/N and I are dating.” Toshi’s tone is flat and even, throwing you off on how he just continues eating after dropping such a bomb. It wasn’t lost on you that his family still has traditional views and part of you wonders if you’re good enough to fill the spot at his side. A comforting hand is placed on your thigh, as if he’s read your mind and you smile to yourself.

“That’s wonderful news.” His mother smiles, turning to yours before they start discussing officially announcing the relationship (whatever that meant) and how it was about time the two of you got together. Listening to them going on and on about things made a lot of your worries fade away, it was a relief that they both were so onboard with the relationship.

*                      * 2011 – 17 years old

It’s been a year since you started dating Ushijima and it’s been a lot different that you thought it would be, not that you thought about it that much. And while things didn’t seem to change all that much, they changed completely. You weren’t just two friends walking to classes, but a couple. You weren’t just watching his matches like a childhood friend, but as a supportive partner.

When you had thought of dating, of being in a relationship, there was always the anticipation of getting to know your partner, but with Ushijima, you don’t get that. With Ushijima, it’s just seeing what you’re always known within a different light, but somehow that makes you feel like he’s ‘The One’ because how romantic is it to fall in love with the one who has been by your side for as long as you can remember? Even with the deep level of comfort you two share, your face still heats up when he reaches down to grab your hand, when he leans to kiss you goodnight and even when someone refers to him as your boyfriend.

*                      * “SHIIIIRATORIZAWA!!”

The beatings of drums and cheers of support fill the gymnasium, your voice getting hoarse from chanting as loudly as you can. For as long as you can remember, you attended Toshi’s volleyball games and somewhere during one of the games you found yourself truly loving the sport. Nothing really changed now that you were dating, other than the fact you seemed your swell up with even more pride when he hit spike or made a service ace and you were also seen sporting one of his spare athletic jackets with a simple purple shirt.

There was just something special about seeing the person you love doing something they’re so passionate about that make it impossible to not smile the whole time you’re watching them.

“You two are the cutest couple!”

“Oh, thank you.” Even after a year, you still weren’t used to people commenting on your relationship, mostly because no other relationship was talked about as much as yours.

“Talk about a perfect match!”

Another classmate seems to appear out of nowhere, adding the other comments, “I’m so jealous!”

You try to drown out their conversation, not wanting to hear about their surface deep comments, but you can’t. Standing up you look at the court one more time, Ushijima clearly in his element, a few points away from taking not just the set, but the match. Then, for the first time since you started attending his matches, you left the game early.

** “So, Y/N, when’s the wedding?” Ren jokes, getting a glare from Tensei who wants to get back to the focus of their gathering: studying for their upcoming math exam.

“What?” There’s a lot more panic in your voice that you intended and you can’t help but feel your face burn with embarrassment. You grab your math textbook, trying to hide your face before either of them sees, but of course they do.

“You and Toshi, are you planning to get married out of high school? Or waiting until after college?”

“Clearly Y/N wants to get back to studying. You remember, the whole reason we are here?” Tensei side eyes Ren before shaking his head. The two start to bicker back and forth, arguing about if breaks are really needed during studying or if they just cause unnecessary distractions that derail the whole point.

Your thoughts have you far from their debate and more so on what Ren asked. Marriage, it wasn’t like you didn’t think about it happening…eventually. But lately the whole concept, even the word alone has you on edge.

Back when you first started dating, you two were quick to share the news with your families and while you had a feeling they assumed this would happen eventually, they still seemed thrilled. Part of you could barely contain your happiness that your relationship had been accepted so quickly, knowing from movies and books you’ve read, not all relationships get family support. Another part of you was filled with a sinking feeling, a fear that eventually as your relationship grew and matured, the expectations from your families would increase, and they were doing just that.

Just a few weeks ago, you heard both of your mothers talking about it between themselves, seemingly making plans without any consideration of you or Toshi’s feelings. After that it left you wondering about your future and how your plans would fit into the heavy expectations the Ushijimas seemed to already have. Remembering the almost pitying laugh Toshi’s mother had given when you mentioned going to college and how she was quick to remind you that someone had to be the stay-at-home parent with children and Toshi couldn’t since he had a promising future in volleyball.

** “Happy birthday, Y/N!” Ren, Tensei and Tendou shout at you, crossing the courtyard to get closer to the table you were sitting at. Embarrassment crept across your skin, feeling like everyone’s eyes were suddenly on you, something you hated.

“Thanks.” You give them all a tight ‘please never do that again’ smile which just makes them laugh.

“Y/N.”

The voice causes you to quickly turn and you see Toshi standing there, a slightly obnoxiously large bouquet in his hand and you wish you hadn’t felt so embarrassed over your friends because now you definitely knew people were looking.

It had been a while since you and Toshi had gotten together for more than ten minutes, his schedule had gotten busier, you couldn’t remember when he was ever this busy before. You couldn’t help but smile at the fact that he remembered your birthday and gotten you something.

“Toshi!” You throw your arms around him, smiling even more when he tells you happy birthday, loud  enough for just you to hear.

Comments about how cute you two were, how great a relationship you had start to fill the courtyard and while you usually get sick of hearing it, it reminded you that you didn’t have much to complain about. Sure, Toshi’s schedule seemed to get busier every day, but he still carved time out for you and that’s what really mattered.

*                      * 2012 – 18 years old

You look up and towards the door when you hear the bell ring, hoping that it’s Toshi. The two of you agreed to meet up at a café before seeing a movie, he was running a bit late because he had a meeting with Coach Washijō. A deep sigh leaves you as you realize that it’s not Toshi and instead you are still alone.

DING!

Toshi: Coach Washijō wants me to meet with some alumni players. (12:31PM) Toshi: I can’t make it today. (12:32PM)

You should’ve seen it coming, honestly. He has always been a force in the volleyball circuit, but with graduation coming up and professional scouters about, he seems to be in even more demand. You are proud of him, proud of all he’s accomplished, but as his partner, you felt like you were just getting the short end of the stick most of the time.

** “I’m all yours today, I promise.” Toshi says, standing at your room door, a small bouquet of flowers in his hand.

You can’t help but smile, you’re still upset about yesterday, but you know he’s trying and that the small amount of free time he actually gets, he spends with you. You step aside and let him in and he takes a seat in your desk chair, even after years of being friends and almost two years of dating, he refuses to just sit on your bed. He really could be a huge dork sometimes.

“Did you have something in mind?” You wrap your blanket back around you, originally planning to spend your free Sunday catching up on shows you missed.

“Anything you want to do, I owe you.”

A mischievous smirk crosses your face as you jump up, rushing into the bathroom. “Face masks!”

He nods, “whatever you want.”

** You look over at your calendar that’s hanging on the wall, today’s date is circled and you feel a little silly for being so upset. Today marks two years with Toshi, but for what felt like the hundredth time this month, you were in your room alone. He had sent flowers and a small gift, of course, he never missed sending something on anniversaries, birthdays or other holidays, but coming second to volleyball was getting old.

The part of you that is petty wants to think Coach Washijō is doing it on purpose, but what did you think would happen when dating one of the top 3 aces in Japan? Still, you just thought this time could be different. Then you were hit with an overwhelming feeling that this would be your life. At least your life if you ended up staying with Toshi. He would go pro, you knew that and with his family’s traditional ways, you’d end up staying at home with children your mothers had envisioned for you, not bothering to ask either of you what you wanted.

Waiting, that’s what their future held for you, just waiting for him to come home. And just like yesterday and today, every day would just feel the same.

Did you want that?

There was nothing wrong with those who wanted that life, but it wasn’t ever what you thought yours would be. You wanted to go to a good university, to join the career field you dreamed of and definitely saw traveling in that future.

What’s worse that the feeling of a bleak future is knowing if you told Toshi, he’d do anything he could to fix it. And what’s worse that that is the feeling that while you love him so much you could feel it deep in your bones, a future without him was more desirable that one with him.

How could a relationship that seemed so perfect to everyone around you, feel so wrong to those in it?

** “Mom?”

“Hmm?”

Finals were just around the corner and Toshi had thought it would be a good idea for the two of you to visit home, not to mention being at home meant less volleyball obligations and more time he could spend with you.

“I don’t think things are going to work out with Toshi.”

The room stilled, though you’re sure if it had been a movie scene, the glass vase in her hands would’ve shattered as it hit the ground.

Yesterday when you two got home, both your parents had been acting strange, so happy that it was like they were floating. It wasn’t until later in the night when you met up with Toshi for a walk that he told you his mother mentioned you two getting engaged, dropping not subtle hints of a post-graduation proposal.

The ground fell from beneath you, all the air in your lungs being sucked out, the only thing saving you was how Toshi told you that he didn’t agree with her plans. That you two should be the ones discussing it, not your parents and that his focus on volleyball blurred out things like proposals and weddings. Even with those words, you still knew how hard it would be for family-oriented Wakatoshi to go against his family; the thought of how different he would be if his dad had raised him crossed your mind.

“Whatever the problem is, I’m sure you can fix it.”

You snort, how cliché for her to blame you. “I just don’t know if our futures line up. We both want such different lives.’

She finally turns to face you, her jaw clenched, “nonsense, you two are perfect together.”

Perfect.

That word has long been on a list of words you hate, one you are tired of hearing, sick of being called that when you know it was far from true. By definition, it means having desirable qualities or characteristic, something that was as good as it could possibly. If you tried hard enough to see your relationship from an outsider’s perspective, maybe after you squint hard enough you could see it. Could understand why perfect was used, how great things looked. You had a boyfriend who would try to move the sun for you if you asked, one who did his best to be there for you and see every chance he got, on the surface level you really had nothing to complain about.

But on the inside, you were two ships passing in opposite directions. Maybe it was true that some relationships are just too good to be true, that some people are better as just friends, that some friendships can’t last when changed to a relationship.

** “Y/N~”

You look over to see Tendou practically skipping towards you, a smile on his face while he wrapped his arms around you from behind, leaning to rest his chin on your shoulder.

“Tendou!”

“What’s wrong?” He lets go of, taking the empty seat beside you. You had been sitting on a bench, hoping some fresh air could clear your head. It was just a few days until graduation and the looming expectations of both families started weighing down more, plus Toshi was even more busy with volleyball since word got out that he had gotten a few offers already, so you didn’t have anyone to really talk to about it.

“Nothing. Just tired.” As soon as the words leave your mouth, you know Tendou doesn’t believe you. He had an uncanny ability to pick up on things like that.

“Tell me, Y/N.”

That’s all it took for you to finally break, the mix of the gently words and his soft tone. He listened as you tell him about Toshi’s traditional family (most of which he already knows) and the over the top expectations both your families seem to have.

How a future together seems more like a nightmare than a dream come true but not because you don’t love him, maybe because you love him too much. Love him so much that you don’t want him pushed into some life just or being with you. And by the time you finish up by telling him how it’s been hurting you to hold everything in, not wanting to burden Toshi, you are in tears.

** “Can we talk, Y/N?”

You nod, biting on the inside of your cheek. Graduation had been a week ago and since coming home, your parents (namely mother) had been discussing wedding plans and wondering just when Toshi would pop the questions, so it’s no surprise when they light up when seeing it’s him at the door.

He takes your hand, gently squeezing when he feels you flinch, the notion instantly calming you. He motions for you to sit on a bench in the nearby park that you’ve been walking towards, but when he sighs, you start to worry.

“I spoke to Tendou a few days ago and he helped me understand a few things.” “Toshi, I—”

He holds up a hand, “please let me talk first.”

You nod, noting a small crack in his voice as he squats in front of you, taking your hands.

“My life has always been volleyball, it’s what I’m good at and I know that being a boyfriend isn’t something I’m good at. But even with that, you still carried our relationship even when you stopped being happy.” He keeps his eyes focused on your hands, leaving you to look at the top of his head. “Now It’s time for me to take the burden from you and I’m okay with being the bad guy if it means that you’ll smile like you used to. So, Y/N, will you break up with me?”

You burst into laughter and tear, knowing that he must’ve been given that words from Tendou and practiced them ‘because it didn’t sound like him. “Our parents are going to be disappointed.” He shrugs, “I’ll blame volleyball.”

You wipe the tears from your cheeks, the sleeve of your sweater gets a bit damp. “It hurts because I love you so much.”

He grabs your wrists, tugging you into his chest, the calming scent of his body wash soothes you. “I love you too.”

“Is it selfish to ask if we can still be friends?” You nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck, fresh tears pricking your eyes. How was it fair that two people who love each other so deeply, just weren’t meant to be? You didn’t have a breakup to compare this one too, but you didn’t think anything else could ever hurt this much.

“I believe someone declared we’d be friends forever. I might have been a bad boyfriend, but I think I’m a good friend.”

Smiling, you look at him, he wipes the tears away with his thumb, his hand cupping your cheek. “I don’t think you were a bad boyfriend, just a busy one.” “You were a perfect girlfriend.” He stands up, pulling you to your feet as well.

“I can still come to your games, right? Having an ex wouldn’t be too weird?” “No. I’ll always need my number one fan.”

Likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated!

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[heyitsyn]

Milk Bread

Oikawa!Reader x Ushijima

a/n: bahahaha oikawa would literally disown yall though

anon request:  Hiii if your request is still open could you also do an Oikawa's lil sis!Reader x Ushijima please~ fufufufu

ushijima and i could go get our own farm and have our own cows and horses and uggghhh

this entire,,,,, fiasco was an actual accident

it all started when you were so hungry that you ended up eating tooru’s milk bread

you were part of the girls track team in seijoh and competitions were starting soon so the team has been making practice mandatory during lunch as well

this caused you to only be able to survive off of snacks rather than your normal bento so you were blazing hungry when you got home

and when you are hungry, you go on a rampage

your brother was staying later practice so he wasnt home when you arrived

the fridge door almost unhinged and out the window by how roughly and quickly you opened it

the only thing in there was bottles of water and vegetables and you were not hungry enough to eat freaking raw onions

then you searched all over the cabinets for anything edible until you stumbled upon a clearly hidden milk bread

you guessed that tooru hid it bc he knew either you or takeru would eat it but heh, he didnt hide it good enough 

finders keepers, right?

and as long as he doesnt find out it was you, itd be fine

you giddily opened the bag and ripped off a piece before smiling at how delicious it was 

but this was cut short

you were so caught up in your happiness with the food that you missed iwa and tooru coming home until you heard your brother scream

‘Y/N-CHAN!’

your eyes flew open and you froze, mid-bite 

his eyes were wide and his mouth was agape as he watched you scarf down the rest of the bag quickly before dashing upstairs

but tooru’s shout for iwa-chan made the buff guy snatch you from the hallway despite you kicking and screaming at him to let go of you

‘IWA-CHAN NO!!!!!’

you yelled but he just tightened his hold on you

‘i bought oikawa that bag, y/n’

you pouted then crossed your arms

‘you bought it for an oikawa, not a specific oikawa though’

so tooru ordered you to go to his favorite bakery, which was all the way out there like an hour away, and buy him a dozen bags of milk bread

‘TOORU YOURE GOING TO GET FAT!’

*offended oikawa*

‘I BURN ALL OF IT DURING PRACTICE ANYWAYS!’

‘hm, explains why you have no cake’

y/n stop thats so mean !!!!

but doorkawa though

so there you were, shoving all of the stock they have in the store into the big cart 

if someone were to walk by you right now, theyd stare at the cart then at you weirdly for being a milk bread addiction

and thats exactly what happened

ushijima went to the bakery bc tendou won a bet and demanded a milk bread from this specific bakery

so he was entering the building, a single milk bread in mind, when he saw you, literally shoving all the bags down with an arm into the cart

he paused, like 5 feet away from you, just watching as you continued to take all the bags they had in stock into the cart

but he just wanted one bag so he went up to your cart and wordlessly took a bag which you saw and caught his arm

‘um, excuse me, what are you doing?’

he gave you a stoic face

‘i walked 30 minutes for this bag of milk bread. im sure you can leave one for someone else’

you were about to retort when you saw who this guy was

ofc if your brother was oikawa tooru, youd know his hatred for the apparent ‘farmer idiot’ ushijima wakatoshi from shiratorizawa

the familiar eyes and the furrowed eyebrows

yep, this had to be him

‘you,,,, ushiwaka’

he nodded

‘yes. now if you’ll excuse me, ill be going’

but you again held him back

‘ushijima-san! take this-all of this! i dont need it anymore!’

you pushed the cart in his direction before bolting out the store in a hurry

now ushijima is known to predict almost anything that came his way

but never has he even THOUGHT that a girl would give him a cart filled with nearly 50 bags of milk bread

the store lady pushed the cart to the cashier and only did he finally snapped out of it when she told him the total

‘oh, um, you forgot this bag too’

what was he going to do with all of this bread?

you pedaled your bike home and when tooru saw you empty handed, he started shouting

but you just faked a pout

‘ushijima wakatoshi-san took it from me’

his ears turned red

and all he could see was red

i see RED! rED! ooOOhH rED!!!!

he got his phone out and dialed a number before shouting into it

‘YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS, IWA-CHAN! USHIWAKA-!’

ngl, you didnt really think that he would completely forget about it but he fell for it

you planned to use tooru’s hatred for him and just a single utter of his name could completely brainwash him from the milk bread stealing situation

‘MAYBE HES GOING TO BUY ALL THE MILK BREAD IN THE WORLD UNTIL I GO TO THE DAMN SHIRATORIZAWA! WHAT IF HES DOING THAT?! IWA-CHAN-!’

the entire situation completely slipped your mind a few weeks later and you even forgot that you met ushijima and left him a cart of the treats

but that was quickly remembered

similar to your brother, there was one day per week where you have no track practice so you found yourself in their gym at wednesday, just waiting for iwa and tooru to finish practice

you were just busy doing your homework and trying to help kyoken with all of his missed work when kindaichi shrieked from the side

‘ushijima wakatoshi!’

JAPONN

at the mention of his name, everyone turned to him and followed his line of sight where indeed, the tall farmer boy stood at the door

oikawa tooru was so shocked to see him and his nerve to show up at HIS TURF that he didnt say anything

‘hello. is oikawa y/n here?’

then all hell broke lose

tooru was screaming at you in betrayal

iwa was shouting and hitting oikawa to stop and holding him back from lunging at you

the others were yelling at how you knew this famous player

while kyoken just sitting there all chill

‘you know that guy?’

‘uh-well-kinda?’

‘nice’

you quickly packed up your stuff, confused and surprised, before bolting down the bleachers to the door where you grabbed ushiwaka’s hand to drag him away from the gym where tooru couldnt find you

you finally stopped by an alleyway about a street away from school and turned to him with scrunched eyebrows

‘ushijima wakatoshi-san! what are you doing here?!’

you whisper-yelled 

but he just unzipped his gym bag and handed you a bag of milk bread

you were so caught off guard that you just held it on your hands and stared at it

ushijima noticed your expression and pointed at the food

‘i have a lot of it at home. i figured you wanted one’

you slowly looked up at him

‘ushijima-san,,,,, i,,, why-’

‘you seem to like milk bread seeing your cart full of it. i thought you still wanted one and i need to get rid of all of it anyways’

‘but,,,, you shouldnt have come all the way to seijoh! nii-chan-’

then you stopped

wait, hold on

how did he even know your name

‘how do you know my name, ushijima-san?’

he blinked

‘youre a known track runner in the prefecture in both the girls and boys. a friend of mine wanted to recruit you for the school team but you turned it down’

you paused and chuckled

‘ah of course. i actually wanted to go but nii-chan considered it a betrayal so i couldnt go’

‘but you should’ve come to-’

‘SHUT UP USHIJIMA! AND STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM MY SISTER!’

tooru’s figure was panting a little bit away from behind ushijima and he was pointing at him heatedly

you sighed and face-palmed but you flinched when ushijima placed an arm around your shoulders and held you close

‘she has talents that could take her to far places. i understand that she refused it but you might have greatly influenced that decision and never asked her opinion about it. im here to ask her to re-think this decision and join us instead’

‘YOURE NOT EVEN IN THE TRACK TEAM IN THE FIRST PLACE!’

tooru raged and ran forward before grabbing your arm roughly to pry you away from the dirty touch of ushiwaka

‘we’re leaving, ushijima. and you better not talk to my little sister again’

he hissed and dragged you away but you turned your head and raised a hand

‘later, ushijima-san!’

‘SHUT UP Y/N!’

after that, ushijima knew to approach you in secret

you saw him by the gates after practice and you hurriedly hid him away from sight bc the moment someone saw that familiar purple jacket, theyd know immediately

‘ushijima-san! what do you want now?’

you whispered and again, he reached into his bag to give you a bag of milk bread

‘i need to get rid of them. and i also want to hear your opinions about joining shiratorizawa next year’

you laughed, softly clutching the bag

‘in truth, the bread was for nii-chan. and regarding next year, i dont think im leaving seijoh, ushijima-san, so sorry’

he nodded

‘i understand. but i do hope you will think about it, oikawa-san’

you cringed at the formality coming from someone as important as him

‘please, call me y/n. it sounds really weird from you’

‘okay, y/n-san’

‘no, just y/n’

‘y/n’

‘good’

then these meetings turned to another, then twice more, then everyday

it was becoming a routine at this point

track practice ended at 6, about 30 minutes before the seijoh volley so you could easily slip away from tooru, and ushi’s ended around 5 so he was able to meet you at the alley by your school

tbh, you didnt understand how you were meeting as such a shady place and you didnt understand why he would take such a long trip just to give you milk bread and ask you about the school

however, that soon changed

soon, you just talked about school and life in general while munching on food

he would occassionally talk about this first year goshiki and some setter shirabu and how they fought constantly

you knew a little bit of his best friend tendou and his dorm life back in shiratorizawa

he knew that you weren’t exactly in track for fun, but for scholarships since you werent exactly smart

part of you wondered if he used the dozens of milk bread in his house as an excuse to see you and make you eat them as compensation when he couldve just sent them back

yet eventually,

your conversations helped you know a little bit of each other without the title of fastest runner oikawa y/n or u-19 japan ushijima wakatoshi

‘tori accidentally broke a hurdle and sprained her knee so she had to sit out during practice. it was a mess because she was screaming about the pain and caused practice to end early’

you whined while chewing

he remained quiet so you turned to look at him, who was just staring at you

‘ushijima-san? you okay?’

‘waka,, toshi. call me wakatoshi’

you tilted your head to the side

‘i,, i can’t call you that, ushijima-san’

‘please, call me that. we’re friends, right?’

a genuine laugh escaped from you

‘oh dear. i mean, yeah, we’re friends, i guess. but nii-chan would not appreciate this friendship’

‘but doesn’t he like you having friends?’

he was confused as to why tooru’s even in the conversation

‘no, ushijima-san. i meant, he would not like me being friends with you’

‘why does he have a say in this?’

you paused

he was right

why did tooru’s opinion matter?

why did it matter so much that you’ve been hiding in this stinky alleyway with ushijima wakatoshi for a few weeks all because you were scared someone you knew saw you?

‘wakatoshi-san, do you have a brother?’

‘no’

‘hm, makes sense’

you laughed then looked away, straight at the dumpster that stood behind him a few feet away

‘my parents,,, are always working. even when i was young, they were constantly working so i dont really have good memories with them since they were rarely home. my sister, she was already in high school when i was born so the only person i really had was my nii-chan’

ushijima’s stare on you never wavered as he remained looking at you, inspecting you almost, the way your nose curved or your lips looked a little chapped or that crumb that stuck itself on the corner of your lip

‘he has always done everything for me,, in a way, he raised me and i appreciate everything hes done for me, yknow? and i want to repay him for all of that but im sorry to say this, but he doesnt exactly like you, wakatoshi-san. and me being friends with you, him not even knowing we’re meeting up like this, he would get very angry with me. and i dont to disappoint him’

you looked down at the remaining bread and softly sighed

it annoyed you a little that you cared so much for what tooru thought

why couldnt you live your life?

why couldn’t you just be your own person and meet people that you like?

‘we have only have 3 bags of milk bread left’

ushijima’s comment took you aback bc its not like you just told him something so personal or anything

‘huh?’

‘i need to buy some more’

you shook your head and waved your hands around

‘wakatoshi-san, i just told you, like, something really personal-’

‘but i dont care about all that though’

he blinked, confused as to why it mattered to him

‘what-’

‘y/n, havent you noticed that you’ve been calling me by my first name?’

his question made you stop and realize that you were saying wakatoshi

‘oikawa tooru is simply a person who helped raise you, he didnt make you nor does he have control over you. your life was given to you to live and create, not to be molded or shaped by someone else’

you nodded and patted his arm in appreciation, still awkward about having interactions with the guy

but he reached behind you and patted your back, averting his gaze forward

‘you have talent in track so i think you should keep running for a team that shares your skills. like your brother’s talents deserve to be played in a team full of undefeatable players’

you chuckled and shot him a confused glance

‘wakatoshi-san, youre over here telling me to do what i want yet youre telling me to do something else’

he seemed completely innocent to his hypocritical statement as he just looked at you

‘im just influencing you. theres a difference’

you shook your head and continued eating your bread, throwing the entire topic behind your mind

‘youre right, wakatoshi-san. we do need to buy some more milk bread’

little by little, you started to stray away from your brother

like you started coming home late and your wednesdays were now booked up with someone else

ofc he noticed and he went straight to iwa-chan to complain about it

by the second wednesday, he got fed up and actually cancelled practice which caused iwa to beat him up for stopping practice for something stupid

‘let your sister be, shittykawa!’

tooru pouted and rubbed the now sore spot on his head

‘somethings wrong, iwa-chan! i can sense it! shes hiding something and if its kept from me, of course i want to know!’

this led iwa to be dragged along with him as he followed you walking to somewhere

he remembered you getting flustered and smiling at him when you refused his offer to get ramen after practice with the guys

‘i have plans, sorry, nii-chan’

this caused oikawa to be very sus bc no tea, but he knows you dont hang out w other people outside school

so this led him to stalking you instead of talking and asking you like a normal adult

iwa was also there bc he lowkey sus and worried for your safety if oikawa does decide to lunge at your boyfriend

the two boys were huddled behind a car as you were just walking cheerfully, skipping every step

‘iwa-chan, she doesnt have a boyfriend, right?’

‘shes pretty and kind, it would be hard to believe she doesnt have one’

but as they continued to follow you, they started getting confused as to why you were walking in such an unfamiliar neighborhood

this wasnt exactly their turf and when they noticed a familiar looking uniform a boy was wearing as he walked down the street, oikawa almost busted a blood vessel

aw look at him tremble-

‘what in the ever-loving god of anime is she doing in shiratorizawa!’

he whisper-yelled

‘iwa-chan! is she transferring there?!’

‘shittykawa shut the hell up!’

you heard a familiar voice behind you and quickly turned around but saw nothing

you swear you heard hajime’s voice

but it couldve been just your imagination since you’ve heard him call that for nearly 6 years

you continued walking forward and you jumped to wave when you saw ushijima leaning against the school gates

‘wakatoshi-san!’

you greeted and he nodded, acknowledging your presence

‘y/n, you were late’

you giggled

‘why? did you miss me wakatoshi-san?’

‘hm, yes. the milk bread bakery is going to close in 15 minutes’

he said and held out his hand which you gladly accepted

tooru was basically strangling iwa by how he was so ANGY that his little baby sister was fraternizing with the enemy!!!

back on you though!!!

you still blushed when you held his hand but you knew there was nothing about it bc you ltr almost got ran over once

so basically,

you were finally opening up to going out in public w him as long as it was far away

and he suggested going to some ramen shop that they frequent at for some food

you were just walking side by side and humming a tune when you were interrupted by a loud honk that freaked you out and freeze

but ushijima, being a volleyball player and developing quick instincts, grabbed your shoulders and pushed you both to the side, away from the car

youve never had that experience before so you were quite freaked out and you were just hanging on to his jacket for dear life, hiding your face in it

he sensed your panic and placed a hand on top of your head to provide some comfort

‘its okay, y/n. dont worry bc ill always be there to protect you’

you turned red at that statement but ushijima was known to be very naive and he didnt understand that underlying suggestion in his words

‘thank you, wakatoshi-san’

you mumbled and he gently pried you away but he held your hand

‘this will allow me to pull you quicker and to make sure you dont wander too far’

you pouted

‘hmph, im not a child, wakatoshi-san’

he smiled, surprising you bc wowza was he showing emotions?

‘you need to be taken cared of, do you not? no matter what age, ill still look out for you’

to this day, he still kept your hand on his grip and your heart kept beating really fast

all these hangouts were really showing you the real ushijima wakatoshi that was so different from the court and you really liked it

from the strong and cold and cruel player to the awkward, funny, and naive schoolboy

he was an enigma and you were attracted to the remaining iceberg that maintained being hidden under the waters of his physical appearance

focusing on something else, you were tugging him along excitedly bc you forgot your bento at home today and you STARVED

‘lets get sweets!’

you cheered excitedly and with his hand still laced into yours, he looped it around your shoulders so he pulled you closer

‘semi told me he does this to his girlfriend when she gets too hyper’

um, sire, where did that come from?

from oikawa’s spot, he was starting to get hurt by how harshly he dug his fingernails in his palms while iwa was getting angry at how carelessly this farmer was handling his sister

but you werent bothered by his weird oblivious comments

‘im very hungry so we must hurry, wakatoshi-san!’

‘yes, yes’

unbeknownst to you, he kept looking down to observe your faces

when you would see a store, your eyes would widen and youd mumble about wanting to go there sometimes

when you saw a baby in a stroller, youd coo and unintentionally squeeze his hand

it was cute

and it made his heart jump every time

today was no different occasion

and he was finally able to put a pin into this weird action from his organ

lmao im so tired bruh im cackling as i type

earlier today during practice, he felt that jump when you whined to him about leaving your bento at home and expressing your excitement to get some food

that jump returned and he was so focused on texting you that he didnt notice his teammates watching him in shock

tendou even started hitting semi, confused and flabbergasted

‘ushijima-san,,,’

goshiki started but shirabu smacked him to be quiet

‘oh, i might not come to practice on friday since im going to the doctor’

the mention of the doctor, everyone freaked out bc they cant have their prized player injured or hurt

‘what,, whats wrong?’

semi asked and ushijima finally locked up his phone

‘im having weird random jumps in my chest and slight tickles in my stomach. google told me to go to the doctor if it persists so i made an appointment’

they all sweatdropped

goshiki uwu babie was biting his lip to stop himself from sobbing and thinking his senpai and rival was having an illness

but semi and tendou knew whats up

‘wakatoshi-kun, who were you texting?’

they all noticed the slight widening of his eyes and the sprinkle of light that shined through

‘oh, oikawa y/n. we’re friends now’

everyone shared a look bc he didnt really have friends outside the team and didnt bother himself with unnecessary relationships like these

‘oh god’

tendou mumbled and his grin widened

‘i,,im no doctor, ushijima-san, but i think youre experiencing the symptoms of a crush’

shirabu was basically the smartest than the others combined so when he said something like that, they believed him immediately

‘crush?’

ushijima wondered

‘dont tell me you dont know what that is’

goshiki muttered in disbelief

‘im familiar with the definition of the attraction to another person. but ive never experienced it myself’

yall why am i writing him to talk like this

‘youve been so busy with volleyball your entire life that you probably havent had time to actually admire the girls we have in school’

tendou reasoned so ushijima went to go wait for you by the gates and observed the females that passed by

nope, they all didnt strike him for anything

he just gave up until he saw you waving for him all enthusiastically and there it was

a simple glance at your smile and it leapt

it only got worse when you giggled and he clenched his fist to keep his heart from leaping out of his chest

the entire time, he felt it, especially holding your hand

to really be honest, he only did that after what happened and his mother used to do that to him to protect him from other cars

now that he had someone to protect, he was doing the same thing

you clearly didnt mind and just swung your hands along the entire time

eventually, yall arrived 

the lady at the front was now accustomed by your appearances and she waved at you

‘hello ushijima-kun! oikawa-chan!’

you greeted her happily while ushi just nodded at her

your brother and his best friend decided it was best to stand outside to not garner suspicion ltr yall are stalking and everyone knows since the bell rang whenever it was opened

tooru felt his heart clench at the thought of you being on a date with this,,, !!!! farmer boy!!!!

the sister complex in this one is quite strong

it got even worse when he saw your giggling form and ushijima holding you close with your shoulders

next thing he knew, he entered the bakery and ripped you away from him

ofc you were surprised bc wtf why was here?

‘NII-CHAN?!’

‘oh, hello, oikawa’

^^ 2 types of people

‘didnt you hear me when i told you to stay away from my sister?’

he seethed

‘yes, i heard you. but i dont care’

‘wakatoshi-san!’

you whisper-yelled bc his answer clearly made your brother angrier

‘well, i need you to start caring bc you are not welcome to be a part of our family! i will never accept you as my brother-in-law! i will never visit! you hear me?!’

your eyebrows furrowed and you flushed in embarrassment

‘NII-CHAN! WE’RE JUST FRIENDS! WHAT ARE YOU SPOUTING ABOUT?! AND WHY DID YOU FOLLOW ME?!’

he didnt bother to hear you and started dragging you by the arm

but you wrenched out of his grip and ran to ushijima, who held you close

‘hes my friend, nii-chan. i dont care if you dont like him but hes nice to me and he hasnt given me any reason to not be friends. now try to be a grown-up for just a few minutes and leave me alone so i can go hang out with my friend and you go back home with iwa-chan’

you firmly stated, glaring at him and tooru felt sad at this entire thing

were you growing up?

despite only being a year younger, you were always that ran to him for everything bc you looked up to him so much

but now, you were refusing and becoming your own person

you were still his baby sister but now, you were a grown woman who could make her own choices

and he had no choice but to accept that

‘okay. but come back home soon, okay, y/n?’

tooru’s quiet voice made your expression fall and you made a move to go to him but he already made his exit

‘nii-chan,,,’

you mumbled but ushijima placed an arm around your shoulders

‘you can go to him, y/n. we can-’

‘no. im,,, happy that he finally realized it. so lets continue’

you smiled up at him and he nodded, going back to looking through the cupcakes

‘how do you think hed take it if he finds out i like his sister?’

he off-handedly asks to no one but you heard and jumped

okay, you were used to his random comments and questions but this one had to be the one that took you aback the most

‘H-HAH?!’

but he doesnt seem bothered

‘my teammates told me that i have a crush on you so if i were to act on that feeling, would you accept me?’

your eyes flittered everywhere and you grabbed him by the shoulders and leaned him down to his level

‘ar-are you seriously confessing to me right now?’

he shrugged, so nonchalant

‘yes. before getting your brother’s approval, i should get yours first. will you let me be yours, oikawa y/n-san?’

your face scrunched up and you nodded, pulling him in for a hug

‘i like you a lot, ushijima-san. like a lot’

he softly smiled and buried his neck in your neck

‘i noticed when you didnt care about your brother’s dislike towards me’

‘yanno, for someone who is so against us together, hes the reason we even met in the first place’

he pulled away and looked at you

‘really?’

‘yep. i told you this, didnt i? i came for milk bread yet left with a boyfriend’

‘over a span of a few months’

you rolled your eyes but still laughed

‘yes, a few months and nearly a hundred bags of milk bread later’

the old lady was watching the whole thing and only made her presence obvious when she squealed

‘OH YOUNG LOVE! GET ANYTHING YOU WANT TODAY, DEARIES! WE SHALL CELEBRATE THE BEGINNING OF NEW LOVE AND FOR MANY MORE!’

you and ushijima shared a look before busting out laughing, you freezing when you heard his chuckles

he noticed your stare at him and he asked you whats wrong

you shook your head before grinning

‘im already already looking forward to falling in love with you. so make me fall really hard, okay?’

you just unlocked blushy and flustered ushijima wakatoshi

when you went home that night with bags full of milk bread, your brother practically forgave you

but you accidentally blurted out of your new official relationship and you knew what he did?

oikawa screamed

a/n: sorry if i was gone for 2 days bc selling sunset came season 3 came out on friday !!!! but heres an update and i might post another later bc tomorrow’s my first day of school and id be too busy to update but id probably update in wednesday so feast on these in the meantime!!!!!!

[suekre]

So ive followed you a VERY long time (like from the deviantart days lmao) and i only just realised that you were talking about ocd in that post. Just wanted to let you know that i have ocd as well and god it is exhausting and i know exactly how you feel! I finally start therapy for it in 2 weeks. Pls know that i love your art and you very much and appreciate everything you create and share with us. All the best!! X

Hey you, I know you! Thank you for coming to my inbox and sharing this with me, I appreciate that so much. :) I am SUPER happy for you that you are about to get the help you need, that is awesome. I wish I could have had it at the time!

(And oh boy, the good old deviantart days, haha! Always happy to have my longtime followers around! :D)

OCD is exhausting indeed. People who aren’t affected can’t imagine what a nightmare it is. I, personally, am more prone to intrusive thoughts than actual obsessive-compulsive behavior. When people hear „OCD“, they usually think of obsessive hand washing or „leaving out every black tile while walking through a kitchen“ or so, while it can manifest in other ways. I didn’t know back then. I just thought I was going completely crazy at the time. I think I mentioned my disorder at times but I never actually openly talked about my own experiences (where I come from, mental disorders are a big NO NO, because it’s all in your head, just pull yourself together, other people are ACTUALLY suffering, it’s just dumb thoughts, you just need to think positive, y’know).

I kinda feel like doing it now. Just to get it out, and also to occupy my brain and hands and hey, maybe someone else can pick this up and find themselves in my own experiences. I sure know how relieved I was when I found out I wasn’t alone with my what I thought was a ‚Very Weird, Unique and Niche Problem‘.  

I gotta admit first - I’m doing much better nowadays. Even my worst days, as horrible as they may feel at the time, do in no way compare to the hell I went through in the second half of 2015. I have come a long way since my last (and so far worst... omg, oof, I hope there won’t be another) episode of intrusive thoughts. But, oh boy, was it intense.  It was the absolute worst time of my life, ever. I’m not writing this to scare anyone. Anyone who is familiar with this, will know how bad it is and anyone who can’t relate at all won’t feel affected anyway and will maybe even think something along the lines of „What the fuck?!“. I get it. It DOES sound crazy.

I have always been an overthinker. I always needed more validation and reassurance than other people around me and for the longest time I had no idea why that was. It was usually subtle - always kinda there but never strong enough to actually affect my life in a negative way. I just felt off at times, and not always super good. But I was generally ok, I could always manage.

Until that one episode that changed my life forever. I know that sounds dramatic but, even though I am in a good place nowadays, it sure DID change my life. I was 31, I lived together with my then-boyfriend and I still remember the exact date. Friday, July 24th, 2015. I remember the exact moment when my entire mind collapsed. It’s so weird, it literally happened from one second to the other. I am not making this up to sound more dramatic, it was a matter of seconds.

I was on my way home after work and I felt… restless and stressed. It felt good to get off work (it was my first full time job and... it didn’t go well, to put it nicely) but I was no longer really looking forward to my week off, and our trip to our favorite Open Air the following week. I picked up some dinner on my way, I came home, and I saw my boyfriend in the middle of the living room, he was making some preparations for our upcoming trip. When I saw him, tall and handsome and smiling at me, I smiled back but inside I felt like crying. My smile was fake. Kissing him felt weird, and also fake. And all of a sudden, there it was. The life changing thought:

„I don’t love him anymore.“

A simple thought. I had weird thoughts before, like anyone does, but they never had any greater impact on me. This time, though, that one thought knocked me off my feet. Not literally, I had turned into a pillar of salt somehow. This was the Perfect Man Of My Dreams (at least that was what I thought back then). The man I wanted to spend my life with, the man who made me happy every day! How could that even be, how could I even think something like that?

I felt even more restless. I didn’t tell him, of course. When he asked how my day was, I put on my fake smile again and said it was okay. We ate our dinner (although I had instantly lost any appetite), and I kept looking at him and the thoughts... just kept coming back.

You don’t love him anymore. What if you don’t love him anymore?

On repeat. It was awful. I just couldn’t shake them off.

It’s the stress, I tried to tell myself. You’re overworked. It’ll be good, you just need some rest.

But I couldn’t relax. My heart was racing, my blood was pumping. I didn’t know what was going on. I begged him to leave his work undone and take me out for an after work drink and he agreed. All the time, the thoughts wouldn’t leave my mind. I didn’t want to think them, but they were merciless, they just kept coming back. I felt so helpless.

A few drinks later, I had calmed down a bit, at least so much that I could stand to look at my BFs face again without feeling guilty. There you go, I said to myself, not quite convinced, you’ll be good. It’s already wearing off. When we crawled into bed later, I was tired and relaxed (and tipsy) enough to sleep and convinced that this was just a little glitch, that things would be just fine in the morning.

When I woke up, I felt exhausted. My heart was racing... and the thoughts came back IMMEDIATELY.

You don’t love him anymore. You gotta leave him.

What. The. HELL!? Why are these thoughts still a thing? Why are they still there? Why do they keep coming back?

I kept trying to push them away but the more I tried, the more intense they became. As if they tried to spite me. I started losing focus on everything else around me, the world slowly started to blur. It was just Me And My Thoughts from here. I tried my best to hide my state, and I think I managed for a while, but I felt like a robot any time I talked to someone. When people would pick up on my confusion, I usually brushed their concerns off. It’s nothing, I’m good.

I mean... how do you even tell someone that you just. can’t. stop. thinking. about whether you still love your boyfriend or not? According to the world, that is something you “just feel and know” after all. Except that I didn’t. I had no clue. I couldn’t feel anything. But, according to the world, that was perfectly normal, too. “Honeymoon phase is over at some point, babe. That’s everyday life, you grow comfy, it’s no longer a flash of feelings every day, you know that. You guys have been together for a while after all, what did you expect?!” ... what I felt didn’t feel like comfy everyday life either, though. Comfy everday life shouldn’t come with high key anxiety, sleepless nights and a loss of appetite at any lived second. If that was comfy everyday life, I sure didn’t want it.

So, what do you do when you have no clue about something? Right! Google! Go and ask the world! “How do you know that you still love your partner?”, “Is the love gone?” ... I spent hours, DAYS doing that, but no answer I found was remotely statisfying (or maybe it was for a minute, but the reassurance never lasted long) and I felt that those articles didn’t actually understand what I was asking in first place. I would spend every day like that. Permanently asking myself the same questions, analyzing myself, testing if the Big Feels for the man had decided to come back... nah, not really. Maybe NOW? If I just look at him close enough?! ... maybe if I squint a little?! Fuck, still nothing! Niente! Nada! I am a horrible person, aaah!

(Our open air trip was an emotional disaster by the way, I felt horrible all the time, and the permanent rain didn’t help. -3/10, do not recommend).

If I had known at the time that I wouldn’t spend just a few days but (more or less) six months with this shit... oof. I was already exhausted after those few days.

Over the course of the next weeks I stopped eating almost entirely. I just couldn’t. This permanent tight anxiety knot in my stomach made me want to throw up at the mere thought of food. At my worst point I weighed 138 lbs (63 kg), at 6 ft 1 (1,85 m). I often joked about how I had almost reached runway model standard. I was sick, I was weak, I was scared, but I just couldn’t eat and the bits I DID force myself to eat were burned almost right away by my crippling anxiety. (I still have clothes from that time, and I sometimes beat myself up for no longer fitting into them before I remember that I should NEVER fit into them EVER again.)

Instead I smoked a pack a day. I hardly got any sleep and when I did, it wasn’t relaxing. Always in Fight and Flight mode. My body was at alert level any minute, any day. I’m still asking myself how it could be that I never actually... collapsed. I was always tired, exhausted and malnourished... I dunno, you tell me.

The thoughts never really disappeared. They kept coming back in all variations. You don’t love him anymore. You have to leave him. You may not want to, but you have to. You don’t love him. I had very few “good moments” in between but in those good moments, my mind was usually frantically looking for explanations and reasons behind all this. For ways to improve my relationship, to feel better about my boyfriend. I came up with the WEIRDEST shit. Almost every day I found something new that bothered me. One day he was a little boring. That’s it! We gotta go out more, do more stuff, that’ll change everything. ... aaah, no. Guess not. The next day, it was something else. The day after THAT, it was something entirely different again.

I was suddenly prone to making some HELLA weird impulsive decisions, too. „I gotta break off contact to that one person RIGHT now, THEN I WILL FEEL BETTER!“, “I gotta talk to my mom about THAT particular incident in my childhood right now, THEN I WILL FEEL BETTER!”, “I gotta make a trip to the mall JUST NOW, THEN I WILL FEEL BETTER!”… the decisions made total sense to me the second I made them, for about ten minutes at most, but the initial rush of relief started to fade again quickly and I frantically started looking for new solutions. Google was my best friend. I couldn’t go a day without googling exessively. Overthinking, pacing, googling. Any day, any hour awake. Over weeks. A few months even. My mind was constantly reeling. It was a bottomless pit.  

I cannot put into words how exhausting that was. Sometimes the idea of throwing myself out of the next window seemed SO tempting, not because I wanted to die, but because I wanted the thoughts to stop tormenting me.

(I was out of regular therapy at the time, btw. I thought about calling my therapist about it but never did it. I felt isolated, I literally thought I had to do this all by myself.)

At some point, a few months into it, I somehow transferred to zombie mode. The thoughts became a little less intense over time. They were never gone but not quite as nagging anymore. But any time I wasn’t in alert mode, I felt just hollow instead. Sucked dry of any joy, of any emotion, of any sign of life. I just... functioned. Still tried to hide it. I dunno how well I did with that. Probably not at all well. I kept it all to myself, just because it felt that ridiculous. Tried to find excuses. “I’m just tired.”, “You know, there’s a lot going on in my head right now, but I’ll be good.” ... truth is that I don’t remember a whole lot of that time, it’s all blurry. There are just a few significant moments.

Such as that one evening, after work, when I left the building, made a few steps and stood five (or ten? fifteen??? who knows?! not me.) minutes on the spot, motionless, because I could no longer remember my way home.

I got fired from that job, by the way. I’m sure it was mostly due to low performance, I get it, but I can’t blame my poor state alone - they were also assholes.

Anyway.

I had, of course, never stopped the googling and one day, after hours of browsing any niche I hoped I hadn’t browsed yet, I somehow found a blog written by a young woman like me. The description tackled almost all of my thought patterns and I was blown. away. She asked herself the very same questions, with the very same twists, and... she even had a name for it.

ROCD. Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

I cried for what felt like hours. Out of relief. There was a person in this world who knew exactly what I was going through. And she even had tips how to overcome it. It wasn’t the first time I had heard about OCD, but as it had never affected me in any way before (I, too, associated it with compulsive hand washing and tile jumping), I wouldn’t have thought of it. After doing my own intense research on the subject, a huge part of me and my life finally started making sense to me. Not much was known about ROCD at the time, but it kinda didn’t matter anyway. What mattered was the OCD part. The subject of the thoughts is entirely interchangable. It’s the chain of thoughts itself that has to be broken. Don’t focus on the relationship. Break the chain instead.

The internet also recommended exposure therapy but as therapy wasn’t an option at the time (weird German laws... regular health insurance covers only a limited amount of therapy lessons within a certain span of time and I had used mine up and there was no way I could pay myself), I decided to try it myself, the key points being:

* No more googling, no more reassurance. Learn to live with the uncertainty, learn to live with Not Knowing.

* Let the thoughts happen. Watch them pass by. They’re just thoughts, they can’t harm you. Don’t fight them, just recognize them and let them stay, they’ll get less scary over time.

* Focus on other things, as hard as it is. Try to occupy your mind and your body. Any minute you spend doing something else but brooding is a win.

It all sounded so very abstract at the time, but I was determined to give it a try. Oh gosh, was it hard. After months of emotional torment and getting used to unhealthy ways of coping, it was SO DAMN FUCKING HARD to NOT google. To NOT think. It felt like torment all over again. How was I supposed to just let the thought sit with me!? It was scary, I didn’t want it! Just ONE little peek, only a second, come ON! I won’t do it again after that?!

Oh god, it was the worst, it really was. Trying to break the chain while I was so desperate to save my relationship was terrible. I honestly don’t remember HOW I made it... but I made it. I somehow... clawed and bit my way out of it. I went right through the pain and made it. It’s not actually a linear process but there comes this point (and I know a few people I met on online platforms who would back me up on this) when you know the worst is over. You just know it. Things weren’t exactly good by the time the thoughts were history but I had reign over my own head again, I could actually SEE the world again, and that was worth everything plus my body weight in gold.

I’ll stop right here because the following months weren’t about my OCD anymore, but about figuring out needs, figuring out myself and what I wanted from life and this particular relationship and it’s not quite relevant and another story. (I DID love my ex-BF but it turned out he wasn’t at all good for me, I had ignored all the red flags for too long, and it didn’t take long after this for us to go separate ways)

I hated this particular time in my life while it lasted but I have learned and taken so much from it. It has changed my life in so many ways. I learned that things are never set in stone, not for anyone. That there will always be uncertain times on our ways. That change is always scary. That it’s okay to be scared. That staying in crappy situations for the sake of it isn’t always the right thing to do. Sometimes, doing the right thing (aka leaving a relationship that isn’t good for you) can make you sad. Love does not equal compatibility.

Looking back, I am - in a very bizarre and twisted way - grateful for the experience. It was an incredibly important lesson for me that taught me to be kinder to myself, to look out for myself and to listen to my own needs. That I should put myself first at times. For the first time of my life, I really got in touch with myself and my own emotions. I learned to understand them, I learned where they come from. I learned to cut myself slack at times.

The list goes on and on, but you get my drift. I know myself inside and out at this point. That wasn’t always the case. Not until 2016.

It still comes back at times. Not with such full force, but it keeps creeping back in, pretty much any time I have to deal with uncertainty in my life. Bad news at work, not hearing from a friend for a while that I’m dying to hear from (inevitably thinking that they MUST be mad at me) or when I spot a few symptoms of sickness that I’m not familiar with (I practically never get sick). Not Knowing What Will Happen drives me CRAZY. I hate uncertainty, I need my life to be stable and calm to fully function.

Now, in COVID times, it’s mostly the fear of suffering from an incurable disease. AGAIN. I’m familiar with that, too. I’m not even scared of catching the virus, I just fell right back into overthinking any symptom I have, even if it’s just a short pain in the neck or whatever (you know, things that one usually brushes off). When my life was busier, I was MUCH better at handling those thoughts. Most of the time, they didn’t even come up in first place. Sitting inside and avoiding contact 99,9% of all times, and having little to no actual distraction („reading/watching movies“ doesn’t help me personally, it does’t occupy my mind enough, I usually just stare right through the pages/screen), however, leaves FAR too much time for the thoughts to unfold, once they come up.

This subtle but lingering concern for my health puts my body into a permanent state of anxiety once more. Fight and Flight mode. The pace of my heartbeat is always slightly, but perpetually, increased. It isn’t always outright panic attacks, it’s this constant state of having to be… alert. Something MIGHT happen, y’know. Be prepared. Relaxing and doing nice things becomes almost impossible. Instead, I get tired and exhausted. Depressed, even. It sucks the joy right out of me. I feel like living under a glass dome. I see what’s happening around me but I am unable to connect, emotionally. People keep living their lives and I can watch them, but I can’t be a part of it. It’s a deeply crushing feeling. I manage to somehow function but I don’t really feel alive. My abandonment issues and fear of „getting left behind“ kicked in again, too. I want to catch up and take part but can’t so I stress myself over THAT, too. This only adds to the exhaustion and makes me feel even more isolated.  

Hello, vicious circle, my old friend.

I didn’t even realize that I had such huge potential to fall right back into it. It all started… I dunno, by mid/end of January?? It’s a bit blurry this time. It is directly connected to Germany’s recent lockdown, though. A massive case of Not Knowing How Things Will Turn Out. I failed to take better care of myself in the past few weeks. And now I’m here. AGAIN. Ugh.

But well, as I said, it’s not as bad and, as I said, I have at least learned some important things over the years. In this particular case of intrusive thoughts, the first rule is: NEVER GOOGLE SYMPTOMS. And never google shit like „chances to survive (whatever illness think you have at the time)“, either. The mind longs for reassurance but googling symptoms is BAD, as we all know by now. It’s not even reassuring when you do it. Because you’ll inevitably end up diving through the vast internet for HOURS, picking up an entry that some person named Kevin made on a cancer forum way back in 2004, saying that his uncle died the next day after finding out he has cancer and that is, OF COURSE, what will happen to YOU, too. There is no other way. YOU WILL DIE.

Excuse the text walls. I took an opportunity to ramble about my own experience, for the first time ever since it happened (not including the few short talks I had with the few people I met on internet forums).

To anyone who made it this far: Thank you so much for reading. It sure felt good to write this down for once, even if it’s just a short summary (yes, really, I mean, we’re talking six-ish months here), and the descriptions fall woefully short. If anyone affected by the same happens to read this -  I am so, SO sorry you are suffering so much. You are NOT alone and you are NOT weird. Talk to someone. Open up. To your doctor, or you therapist, if you have one. To a person you trust. It is the worst but there are ways, there is help. I wish I had known at the time it started for me.

You know now. :)

P.S.: DON’T FUCKING GOOGLE:

[hold-my-hand-kuroo]

now that my notifs are back, take this word vomit. i’m not really sure what this is. also i’ve stopped being a bitch and have learned how to put things under a cut-

pairing: kuroo x reader

I.

Your first meeting with Kuroo isn’t exactly the ideal. Initially, you knew him as the tall guy in your first-year class with the terrible bedhead and the loud, cackle-like laugh. People called him the volleyball nerd, and you could understand it well. When he wasn’t fighting with his shorter friend, all you ever heard him talking about was volleyball this, volleyball that. It wasn’t that you were eavesdropping; he just happened to be your seat mate, and anybody that loud could be heard from the next room over.

By your first meeting, though, you knew him mostly as the pest. 

“Please, Yaku,” you hear the tall boy croon with a roll of his eyes. “Dogs are where it’s at. They actually react when you’re around.”

“The sheer silence and peace from cats are superior to whatever a dog can give you,” the shorter boy replies. So that’s Yaku, you think. 

“Now, that’s where you’re wrong,” Kuroo cackles, too focused on the conversation to realize that another student was walking toward him. 

Before he was able to even take a look at the area around him, the said student bumps into his arm, shaking the drink that he was holding with a loose hand. The next thing you know, you’re drenched in what smelled and seemed to be canned coffee. You hear both Kuroo and Yaku cuss, but you’re way too preoccupied with figuring out how to get the stain out. Leaving your desk immediately, you rush to the bathroom, taking off the wet jacket you were wearing and fruitlessly wringing it.

You spend nearly half an hour in the bathroom, and you’re definitely late to first period. Today sucked, and so did Kuroo. Walking out of the bathroom, fuming, you’re internally bracing yourself for the humiliation as to why you have a giant coffee stain on the shoulder of your white uniform shirt. It’s not subtle at all, and you didn’t even bring your gym clothes today, seeing that your gym periods were only on Thursdays and Fridays. 

Awkwardly opening the door to your classroom, you’re hunched over, walking quietly toward your desk; however, two things surprise you. The first is that your math teacher doesn’t chew you out like he usually does to late students. The second is the Nekoma jersey and note resting on your desk. Eyeing your seat mate, Kuroo gives you an apologetic smile and wave and points to the note on your desk.

“I’m really sorry about this morning. Take my jersey to cover up. It’s still clean. Also, don’t worry about the old man. I already explained it to him, and he really gave me an earful.”

Looking back and forth between him and the note, you feel a small smile creep up on your face. The jersey has sleeves long enough to cover your hands completely, so you have to do some folding, but it’s warm and smells uncharacteristically fruity for a guy like him. You almost want to write a note back and ask about the detergent his household uses.

When lunch break starts, both him and Yaku give you a formal apology and a juice box. You start to think that the spilt coffee was worth it; you’ve made two new friends and have come to the realization that you maybe don’t hate Kuroo. 

II. 

Second year is when things get wild for you once Kuroo introduces you to his “favorite best friend” Kenma Kozume. Within your friend group consisting of Yaku, Kuroo himself, and Kai (one of the newer editions), you thought that it’d be good to get closer to Kenma as well, seeing that he was already closer to the other three because of volleyball.

Talking about games was easy; you weren’t much of a gamer, but Kenma, although usually silent, talked most about strategy. Once you understood most of the mechanics, discussing grinding methods or ways to increase avoidance rates was no problem for you. You hadn’t thought it was strange when Kenma decided to talk to you more, though. Wasn’t it natural for someone to open up once they found a common ground?

Kuroo, on the other hand, was beyond shocked. Ecstatic even.

“You have to be our manager!” he pleads for almost a month straight before you actually agree on the account that he treated you to ice cream after every practice. Then it’d be a fair deal.

Being the Nekoma manager was tough work, especially considering the fact that there hadn’t been a manager before you. Sure, the third years tell you what to do from time to time, but you find them a little intimidating with their intensity and strictness. Nekomata and the second years helped you get started the most, and after a few weeks at the job, you have it down to a T. You’ve heard from some of the players that their time in the gym is a lot easier thanks to you and your attention to detail, but really, you’re only focused on you’re favorites.

Of course, that included you and your second year buddies, but you also have a soft spot for Kenma. He always seemed tired, and you’ve heard that he did consider quitting, but you think Kuroo would be devastated if that actually happened. It was such a shame to see him so miserable at practice, mostly at the cause of the third years; you figured that Kenma’s sharp game sense would give him praises, but it only brings him criticism for him to do even better.

It only motivates you to do better at your job; washing uniforms, keeping track of plays, and consistently refilling water bottles, you did your best so that you could support the others. Training camps were always hectic with the schedules you had to prepare. You even find yourself going to school earlier before practice started to help tutor those who needed it; exams were always important, and passing them was the only way to keep the team intact.

“You know, Y/N, I’m really glad you’re our manager,” Kuroo muses one day after practice. He walks over to the usual freezer where your preferred brand of ice cream sits and turns around in search of a Pocari sweat.

“You’re just saying that because you didn’t want to wash the sweaty jerseys anymore,” you quip dryly. “Oh, don’t forget an apple pie for Kenma.”

“How lucky of him to be spoiled by you,” Kuroo chuckles, glancing outside of the store window to look at Kenma sitting on a nearby bench while playing a game. “You should spoil me more. It’s not fair.”

“Why should I spoil you when you’re the one who got the both of us into this mess?” You roll your eyes and take your ice cream from him. He holds the store door open for you, following closely behind.

“Don’t say that when I know you’re having fun. Sometimes,” he laughs, sipping his drink. “But seriously, I’m glad you became our manager.”

“What’s with you getting sappy with me today?” you question, raising an eyebrow in suspicion. “What did you do-“

“I’m just saying. It’s been fun with you around. Kai and Yaku think so, too. And.” He pauses, looking at his childhood friend. “I think Kenma would’ve quit a long time ago if you weren’t around.”

“I’m sure he would’ve stayed for you,” you respond, thwacking Kuroo gently on the back. “Snap out of it. You’re gonna make me puke.”

And yet, you run those words through your head late at night, unable to sleep. Yeah, you think. It has been pretty fun.

III.

The third years graduate, and Kuroo steps up to be the team captain with Kai by his side as vice. You think it’s fitting and even laugh at the idea of the new second years calling Yaku the mother of the team. You’re still the manager all by your lonesome, but with a solid year of experience under your belt, you think you’ll be able to handle the work just fine.

That is, until Lev Haiba in his 6’ 5” glory comes bolting in. He’s a good kid, you think, but he’s quite the handful. Loud and always freaking Kenma out, Kuroo already has a hard enough time dealing with this new wannabe ace. You think he’s fun, though, since it used to be rare when Kuroo would snap. You suppose it’s what happens when you’re given new responsibility, and even people like Kuroo can be serious.

“It’s funny,” you comment, sitting next to the captain as you’re rewatching plays of your next opponent. It’s late, and the only people still in the gym are Kai, who’s cleaning up dutifully, and Kenma, gaming a few feet away. “To think that you’d finally snap. Now you get to have a taste of your own medicine.”

“There’s no way I was that annoying,” Kuroo groans, running a hand through his hair. “And anyways, I’m starting to see a pattern of you preferring all the underclassmen over me.”

“It’s not that hard,” you joke, taking down notes. “You’re super annoying. Right, Kenma?”

Without looking up from his game, Kenma makes a noise of agreement, causing Kuroo to scoff. You two put your attention back to the video playing in front of you, but you don’t notice how close he is until your shoulders brush. You almost flinch, but try your hardest to keep your cool. There’s no way that you’re going to let Kuroo make fun of you for that, so you wait for him to move instead.

Except he doesn’t. Rather than shifting away, the captain continues leaning on you, and you find his head resting peacefully on your shoulder. You don’t dare move, but instead choose to keep taking notes. Focus on writing, focus on the clip, but don’t focus on Kuroo, you think. He smells fruity, just like his jacket from two years ago and even after all the sweat from practice. The scent is so calming and nostalgic, and you almost catching yourself relaxing, but you don’t. You can’t.

“Can we go now?” Kenma says suddenly, breaking you out of your internal panic. “It’s almost eight, and Kai already left.”

“Sure thing,” Kuroo replies, shutting off the clip and getting up. He holds out a hand toward you. “Let’s clean up and get you that ice cream I owe you.” 

“And an apple pie,” Kenma adds, walking away, but not before sparing you and Kuroo a glance. He shrugs it off. “I’ll wait outside.” 

“Thanks,” you mumble, taking Kuroo’s hand. It’s calloused, yet warm and comforting, much like his scent. “I can’t believe we stayed so late. I still have a lab report to finish tonight-“

“That’s my bad, so FaceTime tonight again?” he offers, laughing. 

“Kuroo, we FaceTime every night.”

“Yeah, but this time, I’ll help you finish your paper, since it’s my fault for keeping you here,” he chuckles, finally letting go of your hand after what seemed to be an unusually long time. “And you can help me with literature-“

“I knew you needed something,” you tease, walking to get your belongings. Your skin feels all tingly, and you swear that the temperature has risen. “But, yeah, whatever. I don’t really care if you call or not, seeing that I won’t be sleeping early anyways.”

You hear him cackle before following you outside the two doors, and when you’re out in the open air, you finally feel as if you’re breathing easily again. Oh no, you think. It’s your third year and things have changed. Or rather, things have been changing.

IV.

None of you talk about university.

It’s the elephant in the room that no one dares to address, not until after you guys make it to Spring Nationals. Sure, the third years had group study sessions for college entrance exams every Saturday, and sure, you and Kuroo always studied late into the night through video call, but nobody wants to think about what happens after separation. Not yet, at least. It’s too distracting, and frankly, you think Yaku might cry if you bring it up.

During winter break, you, Kuroo, Yaku, and Kai all go to the shrine and pray for good luck. It’s meant for the upcoming tournament, but secretly, you know it’s about exams too. Sometimes, Yamamoto will ask about future plans, and all the answers are vague, “Oh, just going to university,” or, “Not sure, yet,” but the air becomes tense, and you hate it. There’s an unspoken pack between the four of you to leave details out, but you desperately want to know exactly how far your friends are going and for how long and what you’ll do without them. 

January rolls by, and the four of you head to your respective exams on your own. Even after they’re done, and results have been posted, nobody says anything about being accepted or rejected. There’s no celebration party, no consolations. Not when the spring is coming right around the corner. 

Even though every day seemed more stressful, more tiring, it also seemed shorter. Sometimes you’d find practice over in the blink of an eye. The match against Nohebi had you on the edge of your seat, practically making you pull out your hair, but even that one ends in a quick victory. Time was quickly running out. 

And then, Nekoma loses to Karasuno at nationals. You were so sure that you had the match, so sure that the determination and dedication your team had put in would pay off, but even in the end, you’re not sure how to feel about it. When Kuroo had first mentioned the Battle at the Garbage Dump to you during your first year, you had laughed and called it a dumb name. You weren’t a manager then, but even though you’re a manager now, you still think the name is dumb. Dumb, but a big deal for Kuroo and Nekoma, and therefore, a big deal to you.

There’s some crying on the bus ride home, but Kuroo sits next to you, uncharacteristically silent. When everyone gets off the bus, you see the captain struggle to show enthusiasm for one last motivational speech. It takes his entire will and more not to cry in front his teammates, the ones he had placed all his hopes in. He, like the rest of them, had wanted to go further.

You find him crying in the storage room once everyone’s gone, sitting in the ball against the wall in complete darkness. Not wanting to turn on the lights, you opt to leave the door open instead so that light flows in, illuminating the space around you. Shuffling over to his quivering position, you take a seat next to him, rubbing circles on his back.

“You look terrible,” you laugh bitterly. “So much for the tough guy act you put up ten minutes ago. Almost had me fooled.”

“I saw you tearing up on the bus,” he responds, voice raspy from the shouting. “I’ll keep your secret, and you’ll keep mine?”

“I think Yaku and Kai already knew that you were going to cry, but sure,” you respond. You take a minute to think. “What are you thinking right now?”

“I’m thinking about all the blocks I missed,” he murmurs, quietly sobbing. “All the spikes I could’ve gotten, all the balls I could’ve saved-”

“Mhm,” you murmur, stroking the mess that was his hair. “That’s what I thought you would be thinking. But in the end, you got what you’ve been asking for since three years now, right? The trash can battle or something?”

“The Battle at the Garbage Dump,” he corrects, letting out a light chuckle. You hear some sniffling and offer him the tissues you brought, knowing well that he wasn’t going to take the loss in any other way. “It…It was everything I thought it’d be.”

“Satisfied?” you ask, lifting up his chin to dab away tears. 

“I should be,” he grumbles, looking at the floor. “After pushing everyone this much, I know I should be. But-“

“You wanted to go farther, right?” you answer knowingly. “I think we all feel the same.”

And like that, he grabs you straight into his arms, sobbing heavily into your shoulder. You almost wish it were like the other times that he has gotten close to you, the heart fluttering, skin tingling, heat inducing giddiness you felt whenever he leaned close to whisper in your ear or look at your answers for the homework. 

But it’s not. It’s heart-wrenching, it’s heavy, it’s something that can’t be done over. Neither of you have a next year to start all over from scratch, to welcome new underclassmen one more time, to try at nationals again one more time. There’s nothing left for you or Kuroo to do except to move on. It’s a little scary, you think. 

The next morning, he calls you, and you almost think about making fun of him for having to walk him home the night before, but he asks to meet you. He’s actually already outside your door with Yaku and Kai, and when you tell them that you’re not dressed to meet people, they don’t seem to care and keep ringing your doorbell. Your mother is more than happy to let them in, much to your dismay.

“Nationals are over,” Kuroo says slowly, solemnly, “so I think…we need to talk.”

The four of you talk about college, and like you had expected, Yaku’s the first to cry, followed by you. 

V.

Graduation comes at a quick and unrelenting pace. Before you know it, you’re on stage receiving your diploma. There are people crying, but you’ve already done your share weeks ago. You can’t afford to get your eyes puffy and wet, not when you were supposed to be taking pictures with all your friends and family. 

“Hey, Y/N!” a familiar, loud voice calls. You don’t even have to turn around to know who it is.

“Yes, Tetsu?” you call, feigning annoyance. “Even though I’m not a manager anymore, I feel like you keep calling me over.”

“It’s picture time,” he grins, pulling Yaku and Kai toward you. “Let’s make this a good one!”

Going between Kuroo and Yaku, you smile for the camera and quickly thank Yaku’s parents. After taking pictures, Yaku and Kai head off with their families to celebrate; the four of you would meet in a few days for a quick senior trip. Rather than heading back home with your own parents, however, you see them off first. Kuroo had asked for you to take a walk with home, and you didn’t need your family teasing you about it.

“So,” he says, waiting for you at the steps of Nekoma. He puts his hands in his pockets and stares pointedly at the pavement. “Uh, hey.”

“Yeah, hey,” you reply, rolling your eyes. You’d miss doing that. “Did you have something important to say or did you just want me to walk home?”

“Both,” he laughs. He throws his head back in amusement, and you realize that you’d miss that too. “But preferably with me.”

You don’t know how to answer. In the past, he also said playful, flirtatious lines that made your heart go crazy, but you never took them seriously. They were just jokes, and you’d laugh along. You don’t laugh along this time, because it doesn’t sound like a joke. He looks at you nervously.

“I mean, if that’s okay with you,” he continues, scratching his head. 

“We usually walk home together, so-“

“Well, not like usually,” he quickly interrupts. Then, he groans. “I mean like…we could hold hands while we do it this time.”

Cue stunned silence. You almost can’t believe he’s doing this in such a roundabout way. Sure you’re relieved, but you’re just so exhausted with him beating around the bush.

“Tetsu, just say it to me directly,” you say, chuckling slightly. At the sound of your laughter, confidence practically surges through the boy, and his shoulders straighten a little bit.

“Oh? I don’t know what you’re expecting me to say,” he teases, looking smug suddenly. You laugh again at the change in mood.Two could play at that game.

“You hate me never want to see me again after high school,” you mock. He gasps in feigned surprise. The two of you laugh for a while, exchanging jokes. It’s been a while since the mood has been so relaxed, and it’s only another thing that you realize that you’d miss.

“In all seriousness, how does a long-distance relationship sound?” he asks and winces slightly at his words. “I mean, if you don’t want to-“

“No, I do,” you reassure, looking at Kuroo straight in the eye. Taking his hands in yours, you take a deep breath. “It’ll be hard, but I want to try.”

“Yeah?” he mumbles and is slightly amused at himself for having it come out as a question. “I mean, yeah. That’s cool. And in reality, you’re only two hours away.”

“Only?”

“I don’t know about you, but I’d travel two hours back and forth to see you whenever you’re feeling lonely,” Kuroo chuckles. Oh, you hated how smooth he was and how lovely he looked when he was happy and blushing. “Just give me a call, and I’ll be there before you know it. Hey, hey, hey, are you crying?”

“I’m not,” you sniffle and wipe away your tears. Leaning toward your face, Kuroo stares at you for a moment, silently asking for consent. When you nod, he presses a kiss on your cheek and gently wipes away a stray tear with his thumb. 

“Right, you sure aren’t,” he murmurs closely to your ear.

“Remember to text and call me a lot,” you manage to add, struggling between sobs. He struggles to find a handkerchief for you and opts to use his sleeve instead.

“Of course,” is his answer. He’s glad you’re crying and covering your face, because honestly, he’d hate for you to see him tearing up too.

[help-i-need-a-cool-username]

JNPR Berries Week 2020

Day 6: Alternate Universe

Okay guys i hate aus and i always avoid au days for ship weeks but i actually have so many Pyrrha Lives/Fall Maiden!Pyrrha AUs and i got carried away i wrote almost 2k in bullet points

@jnprberriesweek

After Fall of Beacon Pyrrha has two options: 1) enroll at Haven with JNPR and continue to chase her Huntress dreams while paparazzi continue to make most things she does public, indirectly informing Salem where she is at all times. 2) drop off the face off the Earth both to avoid Salem/Cinder and to continue the Fall Maiden's job

Pyrrha being Pyrrha (self-sacrificing) goes with option 2

JNR decides there’s no way they’re going to let (a freshly discharged) Pyrrha go running into unknown with no friends or backup

She’s worried about putting them in danger (even though that’s the Hunter job description) but Goodwitch reminds her that she’s only at half power so she should accept the extra protection, and friends since she’s about to leave her whole life behind to live as a nomad which makes making friendships difficult to create and maintain

(Pyrrha doesn’t mention that she’s pretty sure she sees all of them in the more romantic light)

JNR help Pyrrha change her whole appearance. Which is very important since she’s also famous

She looses her iconic armor and has to leave her weapons behind

JNR tries to convince her to cut her hair but she’s worried about not being pretty

Jaune unhelpfully reminds her that that’s probably a good thing considering they’re trying to make her as non-noticeable as possible (poor boy just meant she’s so pretty already she'll probably never be able to blend into the background of any crowd)

Ren is actually the one who has to go "Pyrrha you’re gorgeous shorter hair isn’t gonna change that at all"

Then Ren goes "look at Nora she has short hair and she’s stunning for all we know you’ll look even better with short hair"

Pyrrha and Nora are practically speechless because Ren thinks they’re beautiful

Pyrrha is like okay but I won’t let you cut it any shorter than here (gestures to mid-chest level). (JNR tries not to look at her boobs)

Nora then tries to get her to dye it. Pyrrha holds out

JNR end up in Vol 4 outfits

Pyrrha makes the difficult choice of deciding to fake her death. She makes sure her friends (she unfortunately is unable to contact Blake or Weiss) and family still know she’s alive (but they still grieve her as if she’s dead. They most likely will never see her again. The only ones likely are her parents) but to the world Pyrrha Nikos is dead, killed in the Beacon Massacre

JNPR sets off through Vale (Fall Maiden's territory)

Pyrrha has a hastily made vaguely similar weapons to her last set. She may be a professional but she’s a professional with her chosen weapons and semblance, not most other weapons

JNR sees how Pyrrha dies inside every time a little kid or random citizen tells her "did you know you look a lot like Pyrrha Nikos?"

Pyrrha is also now getting hit on without her celebrity pedestal to keep people at bay

The first few times its truly pathetic how Pyrrha responds

JNR doesn’t intervene because they remember how sad she was about no one asking her to the dance

What JNR thinks is they’re coming into rescue her only occasionally. The truth is Pyrrha is getting rescued every time by a different member and lots of times one of them will step in before anyone even approaches her

Most of the time she’s happy one of them intervened

Some times she’s mad that no one will let her handle this herself (no one has realized that yet)

A lot of the time she feels all warm and fuzzy because for a few moments she gets to pretend. She’s given a free pass to slow dance with Nora, or to lean into Ren when he puts a arm around her waist, or get away with kissing Jaune on the cheek

(JNR are also very happy when they get these excuses.)

Jaune typically intervenes because he’s a nice guy and watching Pyrrha flounder is horrible. Ren and Nora always intervene because they’re either being protective or jealous (Ren has perfected the evil eye. People will back off before they even finished crossing the room)

They almost always camp out but when they stay in town they usually share beds to save money

Originally they were doing girls in one bed boys in the other but Nora is the whole kicking, sprawling, blanket snatching package so they typically pull straws on who gets to share with her

Sometimes even her bed buddy will leave in the middle of the night and see if they can squeeze in with the other two

On the other hand Jaune drools, Ren sleeps like a vampire, and Pyrrha snores

With Pyrrha, Jaune, and Ren all pushing six feet whenever two of them pair up touching is unavoidable

Most of the time everyone but Nora (who can fall asleep instantly) stay up freaking out about being so close to their crush. Ren actually freaked so much the first time he moved to the floor and activated his semblance just so he could sleep

Pyrrha is a side sleeper so she always ends up tangling her legs with her bed buddy. She’s always embarrassed but tries to stay in that position as long as she can (its the only selfish thing she allows herself)

Winter however quickly forced JNPR to start sharing sleeping bags

They always zip both bags together but all decided spooning is the way to go after too many cold nights. They also bought a tent just big enough for the four of them in order to trap escaping body heat

Jaune is dying from so much close contact. Was it not bad enough he has to see all of his (recently discovered) crushes get changed twice every single day? Was accidentally seeing Nora's abs and walking into a door frame in Beacon not enough?

Nora and Pyrrha on the other hand are loving it (when its not absolutely freezing)

Ren has caught all three of them arguing over who gets to sleep with him that night several times. Apparently he’s the best big spoon

A pack mule joke turns into them actually looking into getting one

Originally they wanted a horse, but when they actually were looking they ran into the problem of 1) its too tall for Nora to pack the bags 2) horses are massive and JNPR quickly realize they're scared of them

So that leaves either a pony, donkey, hinny, small mule, or llama

They end up with a donkey and name her Betty. Nora wanted "Bessie" but Ren refused to give in on the basis that she’s a donkey and not a cow

They also take this opportunity to purchase more bulkier items that would make their life more comfortable that they were unable to carry by themselves before (tents, pots and pans, extra shoes, more jackets, books)

They're over a year in when Ren of all people gets high and talks about his feelings

He thinks he’s talking to Betty but really he’s been talking to a tree stump for the last hour

He got high by taste-testing the mushrooms he was cooking

The team came back from getting firewood and unpacking Betty to find him laying in the mud giggling at the sky with their questionable mushrooms burning on the fire. It was pretty clear what happened

JNP have been making sure he wont hurt himself but mainly they’re enjoying the show

"Psst Betty. Betty. You wanna hear a secret?" JNP lean in "I’ve managed to fall in love with my entire team. You can’t tell anyone though. I don’t think I’ll ever tell them either. Im not good with feelings, and that would probably make me a terrible boyfriend"

He then goes on about what he likes about each person. He goes off on a tangent about someone’s eyes for seven minutes. He talks about his favorite facial expressions everyone makes and the best parts of their personality. Nora's been red for awhile now, Jaune is leaning so far forward Pyrrha's worried he’s gonna catch on fire, and Pyrrha is actually tearing up

He says how he feels guilty whenever he cuts in on whoever is moving in on Pyrrha, that he feels guilty about being jealous but also about sending someone away when he knows Pyrrha wants that experience, and how he doesn’t realize he’s already moved in to stop the person until they’re walking away

That he feels like he could mess up everything he has with Nora, not by going into a relationship with her but by being unable to open up any more emotionally than he is now which he knows she'll expect (they’ve talked about being “together-together” before)

He laughingly mentions that one time Pyrrha said she wanted a guy taller than her because Ren gets it now because when he’s bunking with Jaune in the winter he’s found he really likes being held by someone taller than him

Ren then goes "oh no. No no no its bad enough I’m talking about my feelings out loud I’m not going to tell you who has the best ass. Aren’t donkey's also called asses? What’s it like being a donkey?" And everyone is laughing

Pyrrha is the first to break after they fall back into listening. She looks at the fire the whole time. She admits she feels the same way about all of them, that she also planned on never saying anything.

Then Jaune pipes in that he just figured it out for himself pretty recently. That at first he was worried it was either teenage hormones or that he was reacting to a vastly shrunk dating pool and therefore the feelings weren’t real. (Unlike Ren and Pyrrha his feelings didn’t begin romantic and then expand his started sexual until realized what he thought was strong platonic feelings might actually be romantic)

Nora is still red with her hands over her face but eventually she says that she’s been attracted to all of them since team JNPR formed and "since we all clearly feel the same way about each other can we stop with the super embarrassing love confessions and makeout already"

When Ren wakes up that morning he remembers very little since he doesn’t know what were dreams and what were hallucinations. He has a dehydration headache and rolls over but Pyrrha sees he’s awake and she comes sits next to him. Ren doesn’t uncurl until she started playing with his hair. "How much of last night do you remember?" "Mostly just colors." "Ummm okay. Remember anything anyone said?" "I think I had a conversation with Jaune about rocks." "That was to Nora actually. But you did think she was Jaune." "Mmhm." "So last night there was a development, but since you were high I wanna ask you again now that you're sober." "Okay." "So ummm, we're kinda all dating now? But if you wanna back out now that you're sober you totally can." "What do you mean by 'kinda all'?" "All four of us." "And you all want to date me?" "Yeah, you don’t remember all the love confessions that happened last night." "Oh. Did my rock conversation interrupt all that?" "No. You actually confessed first." "I WHAT."

[eerythingisshaka]

Check Up 2

[Doctor!Erik “Killmonger” Stevens x Reader]

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: Teledoc

You let a whole week pass.  Thinking about your ‘prescription’ is all you can do with your free time.  You kept that sheet of paper in your purse and took it out during your lunch break, at happy hour, and every night you sat on the couch alone at night.  And when you went to bed, you gave up on underwear because apparently wet dreams affect women too and you could not get him out of them.

You couldn’t talk to your friends about what happened.  As far as they knew, you chickened out before the appointment.  You really wish you did tell them though because now this prescription is burning a hole in your hand and you can’t figure out what to do with it.  

One night, you decide hanging with your girls is a good distraction and call them up to come over for a get together.  Sipping and snacking with a movie that none of you pay attention to was a great distraction.

“But chile, let me tell y’all about the last time I went to the doctor,”  your high school friend exclaims, setting down her glass.

Your college friend coughs into her chest.  “I told you that bump on your puss was nothing but an ingrown...but if I was wrong, I also told you to stop messing with the dude you met selling phones outside the grocery.”

She waves her off.  “I’ll never have to pay a phone bill again though.  However, you were right about the ingrown but I mean the pussy clinic.”

You perk up, leaning with intrigue.  “Yeah, how did that go?”

“Well, I made my appointment and everything, even requested him specifically to see me.  So after I got my wax and went over there, I got seen and put in a room for examination.  He comes in and BITCH!”

You feel your heart lurch in your throat.  Of course he sees other women with this.  But one of your friends?  Is there anything more disgusting?

She continues, “...so I’m sitting there like a deer in headlights looking at this brown, tall, muscular, educated with an attitude ass that I could never let slip from my grip if he needed it.”

Your college friend hoots and hollers.  “Baby GIRL!  So how did he do?  Did y’all fuck?  Oh my God that’s one of my favorite porn genres:  Doctors and Bosses fucking you all over the office!”  

High school friend shrugs, taking her glass up woefully.  “He is unfortunately long winded and VERY clinical in his explanations of the damn vagina.  I never thought I could be so bored of it, I almost wanted to sit on his face just to shut him the fuck up, which I did offer.”

“To sit on his face?!”  you exclaim loudly, checking yourself internally for your outburst but she doesn’t notice.

“I offered for him to see it.  I thought a gynecological exam came with it, which it does but he steps out and some white woman comes in and does the same bullshit I always get at my regular doctor.”

“Damn, so the streets were telling lies?”  College friend whispers, looking incredulous into the distance as her hopes crumbled in her mind.

“Unfortunately, I think so.  So (y/n) don’t even worry about missing that appointment, it’s literally a lecture with a pap smear at the end, which is worse than any lecture I sat through in college.  At least my TA was down for a make out every exam time.”

You chuckle absentmindedly, but not because of her academic indiscretions.  You had to know why he gave you the treatment differently.  And you have left him on a limb for over a week now when there is no greater sign than this that he may have clearly expressed interest.  You couldn’t be left stuck on stupid.

“Hey y’all, I’ll be right back.  My mama wants me to call her about some movie actors she wants me to look up.  She never gon learn Google.”

Your friends go right back to chatting with each other as you walk back to your room and shut the door.  It’s 6:30, would he even be available to talk?  You have no idea if this is a personal number or his work number, but if you had to leave a message, that would be better than nothing.  You are a patient, after all.

You sneak back to your bedroom, closing the door and laying out the prescription paper on your desk to make the call.  Your heartbeat was pounding strong in your chest as you became excited.  The back and forth pull of hoping he wouldn’t pick up while hoping to he would makes you feel foolishly juvenile, but your muted shriek as the phone rang confirmed how exhilarating this all is for you.

It rings once, twice, three times, then four.  You start to wonder if you should hang up or wait to leave a voicemail.  What would you even say?   How could he respond to-”

“Good evening, Dr. Erik Stevens speaking.”

Your heart couldn’t take the pressure, leaving your body it seems as you freeze in shock.

“Hello?  Is this (Y/N)?”

You plop back on the bed, beating a pillow beside you to work out you sudden burst of energy.  How the hell did he know it was you?

“Uh, yes.  It’s me, thanks for calling,” you reply professionally.

“...you called me,” he says with a warm laugh on his end.

You smack your forehead, “Oh yeah!  I did, you’re correct.  I meant to say thanks for answering.”

“What’s up?”  he asks coolly.

You puff out your cheeks, finding the words as smoothly as possible.  “Um, I had wanted you to fill me, erm, fill YOU in on my progress but really there isn’t much to go on.”

“Really?”  he says, sounding genuinely curious.  “What’s been happening?”

You shrug as if he can see it.  “I mean, who knows but I know I have been busy so I can’t dedicate a ton of time but also, when I have tried...you know…”

“Masturbation?”

You felt your pussy jump 3 feet that time.  The word sounds so 1970s PSA after school special to you but when he says it, it’s like your favorite thing on the menu being a happy hour item when you didn’t expect it.

“Heh, yes.  So when I tried like you did, I couldn’t feel the things I did in your office,”  you feel so meek and shy talking about this.  He is a doctor, it’s his job and he has seen it all but you shrink within yourself discussing this.

He gives a couple uh huhs and pauses before asking, “How did I make you feel during your visit?”

Your body tenses up again as you stammer some, getting worked up.

“Now be easy, that is the start of the issues right there.  Calm down and relax.  Take some deep breaths.”

His voice is like coffee: rich, energizing, needed to get from one activity to the next.  You do so clutching a pillow tightly in front of you.  “Ok.  when I was there honestly I was nervous.  I wasn’t sure what to expect but friends said I should see you just cuz you’re so fine.”

“Hm, I guess that’s a recommendation I won’t complain about.”

You both laugh together.

“It’s crazy but I wanted to see what the fuss was.  I should’ve known better, why would I go do this after so many women before me,”  you make sure to add that to get a gauge of his status of wooing anyone else like you.

“I don’t take on every patient that comes in, so you know,”  Erik says assuredly.

“I know…” you say trailing off with slight disappointment.

“Also...I gave you extra...care because it seemed to work best for you.  I have not done that with any other patients because they seem honestly more into the information I provide or ask for a female doctor or are very enthusiastic about examining themselves.”

You tried to find the right words to say just so that it doesn’t come off as too thirsty but real.  He wanted to know that he took care of you after all.  

“Well, I appreciate you being in tune with your patients like that.  I didn’t necessarily expect what happened but it felt good all the same.  I mean I really had some issues with seeing the good of my…”

“Vagina, though you probably mean vulva,” he says matter-of-factly.

You felt embarrassed again.  How you, a woman, couldn’t say it but from him it’s like reading a feminist poem.  “Vagina/vulva, exactly.  I always hear about so many standards guys have and that influences women to pass on even more standards on what it should look like, smell like, feel like, but none of it matches me to a T.  So you informed me and that made me not feel weird about opening myself up to you after knowing you for 5 minutes.  Plus, it’s your job of course, so I know I ‘m not the first.”

“You weren’t just a part of the job though.”

“Come again?  What?”  you ask, sitting up straight.

“I can’t lie when you were here, I was highly attracted to you.  You engaged me in conversation, which showed me how smart you are.  And you’re...beautiful, in every possible way.”

You practically eat your pillow at the revelation.  “I...that is...amazing you would say that.”

Erik chuckles.  “I mean that too.  And I apologize in advance if it’s forward but I hoped you would call when I gave you the prescription, I almost didn’t think it would happen.”

You fan yourself excitedly, “Can’t seem too eager.  But I could use a refresher on what I was taught.”

“Exactly what this hotline is for!  So let me think here.  You’re in a comfortable space, right?  Alone.”

This reminds you that your friends are in the other room.  “Sure, yeah.”

Erik’s voice drops a little lower as he discusses the topic at hand.  “Ok.  The best way I find that works for you is if I were to spread your legs wide.  It gives me a lot of space to work with.”

You feel yourself warm up at the image.  “Sure, that definitely works.”

“Yeah, cuz I can have you completely open in front of me, so there’s nothing and nowhere to hide.  Your body is served up right and ready for me to...demonstrate.  By now, I could tell already that you’re aroused.  Do you want to do this, while you’re on the phone with me?”

You run lightly over to your bedroom door to lock it, kicking off your shorts and underwear to fly back onto the bed.  “Ok, sure.  And you really could tell already?”

“Uh huh.  Cuz you can’t look straight at me at first and you holding on to the sides of the table to brace yourself.  But I promise I won’t do anything that would hurt, ok?  Then I take my hands and run them along your inner thighs.”

“Oh wow,” you say already breathless, as your fingers feel the softness of your inner thigh, tightening your stomach up from the sensation.

“Does that kinda tickle you?”  he asks gently.

You giggle.  “Yeah it does,”  you say, running one hand down your inner thigh back and forth light as a feather.

“That’s good.  It helps with anticipation, excitement.  Your laugh is cute too, and that makes me want to hear you do other things too, so I kiss the skin on your thigh cuz it’s soft and-”

You gask, jerking your legs together again and smile with all teeth, trying to hold in the goofy laugh that almost spurted from your mouth.  

Erik laughs.  “...and I make you gasp and laugh just like that.  Like I did something so innocent and childish when I’m only getting ready to bring the freak outta you with just my tongue.”

You exhale, feeling yourself become anxious as your body gets antsy.  You wish with all your heart he was in the room.

“Now I can see for real you wanting me.  That pussy starts to talk back to me a little and it makes me curious.  You remember how my fingers felt pulling your lips apart for the first time?”

“God, yes,” you moan, reliving the very moment.  You feel your lips, vulnerably tender to your touch, you take your fingers down between them and shudder, looking down as you part them, you catch a glimpse yourself in the full length mirror on your closet door.  

“And when I do that, it tells me everything.  I can tell your body is getting your shit ready for me, making your skin more sensitive for my touch, those walls getting warm and wet to make you want more and more, and I want to taste it.  The sweet drip that pools from within you, I gotta have it.  But only a taste.”

“You can taste it all,”  you whisper, reaching for your clit.

Erik laughs.  “Ok, thank you.  But don’t you dare touch that fucking clit yet.”

You sit up, putting your knees together feeling frustrated.  “What?  Why?”

“So before I get my taste, I have to taste with my eyes right?  Now I got to taste it with my touch.  So, let me place my hand on top of you, running my fingers through some curls of yours til I get to your lips, dragging my thumb up and down so you good and coated with all that drip.  Go ahead and do that for me.”

“Wow, yeah,” you hiss, turning over on your stomach, spreading your knees wide with a high arch, imagining him seeing you fully vested.

Erik sounds very close to the phone as he says, “I really really like the way your lips look under my fingers, it’s like they dance with my rhythm and it’s hard to stop.  But I had to know what your pussy was talking to me about from earlier, so I put my finger inside you, slowly, pushing in.  That’s when I feel you tighten up a little.”

You slide two fingers in and out of yourself as you bite the pillow.  “More.”

“More?  That’s what I thought too, since you tighten up for one finger, I easily put another in, feeling your walls put their work out on me.”

You dig your forehead into the mattress, not able to wait any longer, you move your soaked finger up to your clit, shuddering against your touch.

“I know, especially, when I work your clit with my fingers in you at the same time.  It’s like you forget to breathe, going quiet then gasping sharper, faster..”

You feel your arousal at its peak, breathing into your chest as your back curls up, pushing your hand deep into your sheets.  You sit into your hand further, not wanting to let go of your climax too soon.

“Ohh, shit, I think you found your nut, didn’t you?”

“Yes, yes!  Fuucck Erik,”  you repeat over and over with the rhythm of your hips as your orgasm grows, messing up your sheets and giving not a fuck about it.

“I did, but you know what I need now?  I got my eyeful, and my touch, but now I really really need to taste you,”  Erik says with a growl.

“Taste it,” you plead.

“I take my fingers out of you and they are soaked with you cuz you wanna give me your all.  I want you to look at me as I lick my hand clean of you.”

“I see it.  Taste some more.”

“Your hips are moving at me, getting closer like you need more.”

“I do!”  You say louder feeling a concentrated force work from your center toward the outer edges of our body.

“I love to see you need it.  You ain’t playing with me laughing and smiling, you’re begging and angst ridden.  Now I have to make you feel me, it’s what I have to do.  Just when my tongue touches down on your lips, your legs jerk around me, but I know that’s only a reflex so I dig my tongue into your deeper, whipping it up to your clit before wrapping my lips around it.  

“Shit!  Fuck!” you whisper feeling your clit get over stimulated, aftershocks leaving you jerky..

“Just like that, baby girl.  You hooked right into me.  Feeling your hands dig into me skin while you cum had me solid.  It took everything for me to not turn you over and show you the real shit.  Now I want you to come.”

You push yourself up slowly, your head feeling hazy.  You hadn’t came that hard since the last time, and you just had to get the full experience.

You roll over, feeling lifted.  “I have.”

“Nah, I need you to meet me.”  Erik demands. You spring up from your bed.  “Where?  When?  Like, huh?”

“Just come to my office.  We closed 30 minutes ago.  I’ll wait for you.”

You run to your shower to get a quick fresh up before putting on something cute but functional.  You figure something that will allow him to get all of you just like he said he wanted over the phone and no one is more naked than going to the bathroom in a romper,s o you chose this olive green, with skinny faux belt in the front and a love neckline.  Some platform sandals that match your skin tone and some curl refresh in your hair, and you’re good to go.  

As you walk out of your bedroom, seeing your friends there almost scare you.

“Uh, girl where are you going?  Is your mom alright?”  Your college friend asks while looking you up and down in your new outfit.

You put on your best acting performance.  “She is, but she lost the remote again and hit a button so I need to reprogram something.  I’ll be back, stay long as y’all want to.”

“AHEM!  You look rather nice for a pop over to your mama’s.  Is there something else going on?”  High school friend asks with a judgmental gaze.

You feign frustration, “Ugh, I know, it’s such a  hassle, but daughter’s gotta do what they gotta do.  I’ll be back in like...a while.”  You exit your apartment in a rush, dodging all follow up questions aimed at your back.

Masterlist

[talkfastromance4]

Castaway (l.h)

Summary: In which Luke is left broken and untethered from a toxic relationship and Michael’s younger sister visits bringing her own light into his darkness.

Warnings: toxic relationship tendencies (fighting, throwing things), panic attack, smut, some swearing and I think that’s all

Word Count: 16.9K

author’s note: I’m so excited to finally share this with you! I started this fic about like 6 months ago and I finally finished it! I hope you enjoy it and feedback is always welcome❤

donate to my ko-fi here :)

Masterlist

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

• • • •

Growing up it was undeniable the infatuation Michael’s younger sister Emmeline (Emmy) had for one of his best friends, Luke Hemmings. She was shy on principle but when Luke was around it increased by tenfold. She stammered a lot and blushed like crazy, which resulted in Michael teasing her about it in secret but never in front of his friends, even though they knew.

Emmy was sweet, innocent and so short compared to the four of them they graced her with the nickname of Pipsqueak, or Pip for short. When the band left to tour for the first time, Emmy missed her brother like crazy. Being so close to Michael for so long and watching him be halfway across the world was hard.

Both of them had grown up without the other, and it took a toll on Michael as well as Emmy because he adored his little sister and facetimed as much as he could or called her on the phone. He’d relay the boys’ greetings to her until all three of them appeared in the shot acting like the goofballs that they were.

Emmy tried to keep her gaze on all of them but she always ended up staring at Luke. More often than not he’d be staring at her as well, his crystal blue eyes zeroed in on her until Calum did something completely ridiculous thus snapping Luke out of his trance. She loved seeing the ghost of his infectious smile appear, and she adored his shyness because she related to it. And then she’d be right back laughing with her brother and his best friends while they did wacky stuff to make her smile.

When the band went on their hiatus, they still didn’t come home so Emmy flew out to them after Michael informed her they’d been writing again. She’d finished school and pursued a job in childcare.

It’s been almost three years since they went in the shadows but Michael promised something was in the works. At the end of the summer she’d be joining them to Bali as well which she was really excited about.

Walking through the terminal she looked around for a sign of her brother’s artfully colored hair over the crowd of average height people and she spotted him.

“Mikey!” she squeals running steadfast to her brother.

“Ems!” he shouts in the same demeanor, his arms open wide and she lunges into them. He lifts her up, her feet dangling in the air as the siblings hug after so long.

“You changed your hair,” they say at the same time when he released her then they laughed.

He went back to his natural blonde and she dyed hers a pretty dark brown.

“I like it, dark suits you,” he comments picking up a strand in between his fingers.

“Thanks,” she smiles then glances around. “Where’s Crystal?”

“Cleaning,” he chuckles, “she wanted the house to be perfect for you when you arrived. I told her it’s just you but she wouldn’t listen.”

Emmy pouts, she hates when people go over the top for her, it’s not necessary and completely not worth the trouble.

“She didn’t—“

“I know,” Michael closes his eyes sighing. “Come on, people are beginning to notice me.”

“My brother the rock star,” Emmy smiles proudly but follows him as he takes her bags. The rest will be delivered to his house, she’s staying with him and Crystal for the summer and traveling to Bali with them and the boys.

“Other rock stars are excited to see you, too,” Michael mentions once they’re buckled in his car.

“I’m excited to see them, too,” Emmy smiles shaking her leg as if to showcase her anticipation. One in particular.

“If Luke seems a bit . . . standoffish, it’s not you. All right?”

“Because of what happened with . . . her?” Emmy makes a face.

Michael puffs his cheeks and blows the air out in exasperation. “Yeah. He’s been staying with Ashton. He’s still trying to bounce back to himself. Don’t say anything.”

“You know I won’t.”

“I know, you’re a good egg,” he reaches over and pinches her cheek, “Pipsqueak.”

•••••

Crystal is hugging Emmy before she’s even halfway through the door, Michael shuffling past two of his favorite people to bring in the luggage. Crystal is gushing over Emmy’s hair and telling her about the new sheets she got for her room because ‘you aren’t just a guest so it should be your room.’

“I’m so glad you’re here, the guys are coming over for a little welcome party for you. So if you need to take a nap or shower, please do, okay?”

“Okay, thanks Crys,” Emmy finally gets a few words in. She loves Crystal’s bubbly personality and it makes her a little more extroverted.

After her nap, Emmy heads downstairs and into the kitchen where she hears all the voices. When she enters, Ashton shouts “Pipsqueak!” and she’s bombarded with two tall men hugging and ruffling her hair.

“You haven’t grown at all, Pip,” Calum grins patting her head.

“Shut up,” she grumbles nudging his hand away but she’s laughing along with them. “You guys just have a weird genome make-up.”

“All right fancy pants,” Ashton chuckles. “Want a drink? We’re going out for the best steak in your honor but we need a drink beforehand.”

“Is that so?” she raises her eyebrows but follows them. She notices Luke standing off in the corner, his own mixed drink in his hand. Emmy falters when she sees him.

It’s been about 3 years and he’s grown. In many senses of the word. For one, he’s the tallest of the guys, even slouched over, his hair is a bit longer with hints of curls on the ends and he’s got a nice amount of facial hair. He’s still devastatingly handsome but Emmy can see the toll the breakup has had on him.

His eyes are bloodshot with dark circles underneath them, his cheeks are a little sunken in and his whole body language is screaming ‘despair.’ Emmy’s always been able to read the emotions off of others and it broke her heart to see Luke in this state. It made her uneasy but remembered what her brother said and forced herself not to draw attention to him but she gave him a small smile.

So instead, she pulled her attention back to Calum and Ashton who were fighting over what kind of drink Emmy would want.

“If you guys came home for my legal birthday you’d know I love Malibu and pineapple juice,” she teases.

Calum and Ashton look at each other then nod. “We’re ignoring that jab, Pip,” Ashton says, “but I’ll make that drink.”

From the corner of her eye, Luke’s watching the whole scene before him. She’s not hurt in the slightest from his lack of interaction, she can understand where he’s coming from. When he’s ready, he’ll make his presence known.

Hopefully.

After their cocktails are finished they head out to the restaurant. Luke somehow has a hat and sunglasses on as they enter the building. Clearly he doesn’t want his photo taken but the paparazzi are around and will take snapshots of what they want.

Emmy expected this, she prepared herself for the moment when the time came. But prepping your mind and actually experiencing it are two very, very different things. Instinctively, she went to Michael who tucked her under his arm immediately ushering her and Crystal past the photographers.

“I’d say you get used to it, but you really don’t,” Michael sighs.

“It’s fine,” Emmy shakes her head. But inside she was having a slight panic attack. How did they do this day after day? People calling your name and shoving a camera in your face?

Luke removed his hat and sunglasses following the group to the table in the private room upstairs. He hasn’t seen Emmy in a long time, but she’s still cute and tiny as ever. He wanted to say hi, he really did. He wanted to give her a hug and call her by the nickname they created for her, he really did.

But his wounds are still bleeding fresh and he doesn’t want to drop his toxicity on her who has always been her own little ball of light. He listened to the conversation, hummed or did a half smile at all the right parts. But lyrics and piano notes filled his head. He was itching to write but whatever he wrote always came out as garbage.

When dinner was over, they exited the restaurant but the photographers increased with some fans screaming. They all huddled together, with Luke bringing up the caboose and also right behind Emmy. He towered over her, and it’s because of that he noticed she was about to fall when he steadied her back on her feet. Some fans would do anything for a picture.

“Keep walking, Pip,” he told her still holding onto her waist to make sure she didn’t almost fall again.

Her head snapped to the side when the nickname slipped from his lips. She smiles up at him and without even thinking, Luke smiled back. Not a half smile but an actual smile. His long fingers hung lightly on her waist as he ushered her towards the car. He didn’t let go until she was safely in her seat, she flashes him another smile.

For the whole ride back to her brother’s house, Emmy’s skin still burned where Luke’s hands grabbed onto her. She’d thought after all these years, of her growing up, her crush on Luke had disappeared. But then he smiled at her and she was right back to where she started.

•••••

Luke has been in sort of a hazy daze since his horrendous break-up, he couldn’t sleep at his home so he crashed at Ashton’s a lot. Ashton kept him in check by watching his alcohol consumption and amount of weed he smoked, making sure it was kept at a minimal rather than a mess he did not want to clean up.

Ashton offered words of advice and encouragement but the youngest brother of his was like a shell, empty and void of color. When he looked at Luke, he paled in comparison to who he truly was. His exuberant color faded as soon as things began to go bad with Lea, they didn’t even get to be bad because it went straight to worse.

When they’d go out on the town it always ended with her stalking off with attitude and Luke would be his sweetest self, trying to figure out what was wrong. Then she’d get mad that he didn’t already know and they’d fight all the way back to his home, making the car ride extremely uncomfortable for the driver.

Then it went from worse to catastrophic at the snap of a finger, and it was at the fingers of Lea. She spit harsh words at him, degrading words, words that told him he was of no value and she finished her tirade with knocking over a potted plant and throwing a vase full of (now dead) flowers against the wall.

She threatened to leave him, and at that point Luke had no idea what the hell to do anymore so he let her. That caused another infamous Lea scene as she threw her things into a suitcase all while cursing his name and their relationship as she did so. Before she left in a tornado of cruelty, she yanked the chain around her neck that held Luke’s favorite ring he gave her and chucked it at him.

It hit his chest lightly, falling intricately and ironically into a figure eight at his feet. The door slammed and she was gone. And Luke was hollow.

It was nearing midnight when Ashton’s phone rang, Calum was over and they exchanged a look of worry when Luke’s face appeared on the screen. They knew it was something bad.

“Luke--?” Ashton answered right away but stopped when he tried to listen to his dear friend utterly breaking down. He could only get out a few choice words: left . . . Lea . . . gone . . . forever . . . necklace . . . fucking crazy . . .

Ashton did his best to soothe him over the phone all while motioning for Cal to call Michael and he picked up his keys.

He told Luke to breathe. He told Luke to count to ten and try breathing again. He told Luke he and Calum and Michael were on their way. He told Luke to hold on.

It was a disaster zone when they arrived. The big ugly potted plant (that Lea insisted on buying) was turned over on the floor, dirt spread everywhere. Broken glass scattered the floor as well, along with water and dead flowers and Luke was in the midst of destruction with his elbows on his knees and his face buried in his hands.

“Shit,” Ashton hissed running to him immediately. Calum called Michael again this time in a panic, his eyes wide at one of his best friends, his brother, coming completely unraveled in Ashton’s arms.

“Luke, Luke, listen to me, you can’t stay on the floor,” Ashton said trying to pry his fingers from his face. “Let’s go outside, yeah? You need fresh air.”

After some more coaxing, Luke finally heaved himself off the floor with the help of Ashton just as Michael came through the door. His eyes widened at what he saw, Ashton nodded to the mess then to them before ushering Luke out in the back. His hold on the younger boy’s shoulders were strong and present, ready and able to catch him if he fell.

Calum and Michael got to work right away cleaning up the mess Lea left behind. Michael picked up the necklace setting it on the countertop. They knew the mess was more than broken glass and spilled dirt, the mess was inside Luke because she worked her way in his psyche. The mess was far from being treated.

•••••

Luke had completely forgotten that Emmy would be coming to stay with Michael and Crystal, but he forgets things easily these days. He’s still in a fog but at least he’s not getting drunk and high every night now.

He made sure to watch his intake and stayed clear of weed, which the boys also cleared their stash because Luke was far more important than a momentary buzz. So when he arrived at Michael’s he was confused as to why they hadn’t left yet.

“Emmy’s still napping from her flight,” Crystal explained taking a sip from her pink wine.

As Luke’s face remained a state of confusion, four pairs of eyes stared at him helplessly.

“Remember, Ems is staying with us for the summer?” Michael asks slowly.

Not wanting to look like he was still shattered, Luke acted like he remembered.

“Oh, right I knew that. Forgot she got in today, that’s all,” he shrugged.

The relaxed exhale from them all eased him a bit, but he still felt like an idiot so he poured himself a glass of whatever was in front of him.

He shuffled to the corner, which has become his safe place lately. He’s still present with his company but he doesn’t have to keep talking and he’s thankful they gave him the space he needed. He didn’t really want to go out tonight, he wanted to go back home and sleep.

“Pipsqueak!” Ashton shouts very loudly it almost caused Luke to drop his glass.

When he looked up he saw Ashton and Calum hugging Emmy, he couldn’t see her though, Ash and Cal were like walls blocking his view. When they finally released her, Luke couldn’t help but stare.

The sweet girl he’d known growing up wasn’t present anymore. She was still tiny so her nickname they came up with still fit. Instead of her light blond hair like Michael’s, he was looking at a dark brunette and it really brought out her eyes which were a striking deep blue.

While Ashton chattered about what type of drink she’d like, Luke kept his eyes on them and Emmy kept glancing his way. He sucked in a breath ready to say a hello but she never brought him into the group.

At first he was hurt, was he really not that important for her to acknowledge him? Then when he caught her eye again she gave him a kind smile that was missed by everyone else but him. He exhaled gratefully, that greeting was enough.

When they were leaving the restaurant Luke cursed to himself in his head at the photographers that seemed to multiply, along with some fans. He ended up in the back by Emmy and he towered over her completely. Was she always that small? Luke couldn’t remember.

But his height came in handy sometimes, like now when he noticed her stumble slightly in front of him and before she fell on her face he reached out to prevent it.

“Keep walking, Pip,” the words slipped out of his mouth without missing a beat. She turned to look up at him and smiled which he also returned very easily. Her body was warm as he guided her a bit more quickly to the car.

When he helped her climb in, she shot him another smile but he didn’t reciprocate that one. He’d smiled twice that day, and each time was due to Emmy. He wasn’t quite sure what to make of that.

��••••

On the third day of Emmy being with her brother, she decided to make lemon poppy seed muffins, but with real lemons. Both Michael and Crystal took their respective cars to do whatever they had to do so she couldn’t drive to the store and get fresh lemons. Then she remembered Ashton had a lemon tree in his backyard.

When she texted him asking if she could use some, he told her absolutely but he was out shopping with Cal and told her Luke would be home so she could go right over. Emmy chewed on her bottom lip, she didn’t want to bother Luke but her need to have lemon poppy seed muffins was greater.

It took her nearly twenty minutes to walk to his house but it was a nice day so she didn’t mind too much. With a deep breath she knocked on the door and hit the doorbell. If he didn’t answer in the next twenty seconds, she’d call it quits and head back to her brother’s. When she counted to eight the door opened and revealed Luke still looking a little disheveled like last night.

Dark circles were still present under his eyes, and he just looked exhausted. He was wearing a white t-shirt and faded skinny jeans.

“Uh, hi!” Emmy greets her voice a little high. “Um, I’m making lemon poppy seed muffins but I don’t have a car or lemons and Ashton said I could take some from his tree and he said you were home. So . . .”

She said everything in such a rush Luke stares at her in confusion until her explanation marinates in his brain. She needed lemons.

“Yeah, all right.” He mumbles opening the door wider and lifting his arm up higher. “It’s in the back.”

She pauses for a moment waiting for him to move out of the way, when he doesn’t she ducks under his arm (though she could have easily walked normally because he was that tall) and enters the house. Emmy glances around at her surroundings before seeing a sliding door to the backyard.

The tree was a bit taller than her and it had a lot of lemons much to her excitement. She took care in picking the perfect ones, she needed six, then looked up at Luke as he shuffles in the opening.

“Do you have a plastic bag I can put these in?” she asks.

He nods silently then disappears back in the house. Emmy sighs feeling a little jaded at his silence but she reminds herself to give him space. She went through something similar with her most recent ex. Time does heal all wounds, it’s just annoying when you don’t know how much time exactly it will take.

When Luke returns she smiles a thank you and pours her gathering into the plastic. She loops the handles through her fingers stepping back into the house.

“Did you walk here?” he asks from behind. Emmy spins around to face him, his brows are pulled together.

“Yeah, it’s only a twenty minute walk,” she shrugs continuing her path to the front door.

“Hang on, I’ll drive you. My car’s out front.”

“Oh, no. Luke, you don’t have to—“

He already snatched his keys and brisked past her out the front door.

“All right, then,” she sighs following him. She makes sure to lock the door so no robbers come to Ashton’s house. She slides into Luke’s sleek black car and buckles herself in.

She doesn’t notice Luke smirk at that, it’s a ten minute drive did she really think they’d hit something? He doesn’t say anything and drives to Michael’s house.

He pulls into the driveway not bothering to put it in park.

“Thank you,” she says then stops when she’s halfway out. She looks back at him and asks, “Do you want to help me make them?”

“You’re—what?” he had his automatic response to say ‘you’re welcome’ ready but her question caught him off guard.

“Muffins,” she lifts the bag, “want to help me?”

He stares at her with his mouth open. She wanted him to stay and help make muffins? Why would she want him to help?

Why did he put the car in park and get out following the short girl inside?

She rolls the lemons out of the bag, catching the ones that were a bit more dangerous of rolling off the counter then she began prattling of directions for him to do. Luke had no idea why he listened, he had no idea how to make muffins from scratch. He sighs doing what she says, it’s better than being alone doing nothing.

“The glaze is the best part,” she says while she’s pouring the batter into the colorful muffin cups. “It’ll taste even better since we used real lemon. Did you know poppy seeds come up on urine tests as drugs?” she giggles at her little known fact and Luke smiles at her.

“I eat so many of these that I’d probably look like I’m on a constant high,” she continues as if his smile was enough of a response. Luke appreciates that.

When the pans are full she places them on the racks and Luke catches himself staring at her ass as she bends over, her jean shorts fit her perfectly. He averts his gaze back to the glaze he was mixing.

What the hell was that? Did he really just check out Emmy’s ass?

“Do you want some tea? We can sit outside while we wait for them to be done,” she says already pulling the pitcher from the fridge.

Luke clears his throat, “sure.”

He follows her outside to the patio, the pool water glistening in the LA sun and she sits on one of the chairs around the small bonfire pit. He sits in the one next to her and take a big gulp from his iced tea. It was perfectly sweet.

“I made that this morning, I hope it taste okay,” she says.

“’ts perfect,” he comments running his thumb over the condensation that’s already formed.

They sit in a comfortable silence but he can feel her gaze on him the whole time. Normally he would snap at anyone who would stare but he didn’t feel the need to. He knew she was analyzing him. She’s been that way since she was little but he didn’t want to talk about him or his feelings.

“Hey, Luke?”

“Hm?” he hums still looking at the droplets on his glass.

“You don’t have to now, or ever, but if you ever do want to talk I’m a good listener. I’ve gone through the same thing.”

He looks up at her in surprise, eyebrows raised.

“Just wanted you to know,” she smiles shyly then takes a sip of her tea before looking back at the pool.

They sit in a comfortable silence sipping their iced tea until the alarm on her phone goes off signifying the muffins being done.

“Come on,” she says lightly. To his surprise she grabs his hand in hers towing him inside to the kitchen.

She made it seem like the easiest thing in the world, grabbing his hand and Luke couldn’t deny that he really, really liked it. Despite her being so much smaller than him, her hand fit in his perfectly. To his dismay she let go as soon as she picked up the oven mitts and opened the oven.

He felt the heat engulf the air surrounding them, she sighs happily as she sets the first tray of muffins down.

“They’re perfectly brown,” she gushes, her big blue eyes staring up at him happily before going to get the other pans.

Once all the trays were laid out, she carefully tipped them over letting the muffins tumble out onto the counter. Without her telling him Luke began facing them right side up.

“Careful,” she murmurs without a second thought.

Luke glances at her, it seemed so easy for her to be concerned about him. To have his best interests at heart; first with what she said out by the pool and now telling him not to burn himself on the muffins. Two vastly different things, but still. It filled Luke with a warmth he hasn’t experienced in a long time.

“Okay!” she claps her hands once the mitts are off. “You can put the glaze on.”

“Me?” he asks watching her clean up the pans in the sink, the cool water hisses as it touches the hot pans.

“Yeah, you made the glaze, you can put it on.”

“I don’t want to do it wrong,” he furrows his eyebrows.

“There’s no wrong way to do it,” she giggles grabbing the bowl of lemon glaze and a spoon. “You can drizzle, you can plop as much as you want on it, you can even make . . .” she took the spoon scraping the gooey goodness onto it then dabs two circles and a smile beneath them. “A smiley face. Here.”

She hands him the muffin she decorated and Luke smiled back at the happy muffin.

“He’s cute,” Luke chuckles softly picking up the spoon and getting to work.

They continue to work in silence, him decorating (he made muffins look like the guys and was working particularly hard on one) while she continued to clean the kitchen of their baking mess.

“Finished?” she asks.

“Don’t look yet,” he turns his back blocking her view from his masterpiece.

“What are you doing to that muffin?” she laughs trying to sneak a peek. “Don’t be naughty!”

“I’m not being naughty, Pip,” he chuckles. “It has to be perfect, look at the other ones. Guess which one’s your brother.”

She scans the other muffins then giggles when she notices one with ‘hair’ covering it’s eyeballs. It was actually quite good for only using glaze.

“Okay, finished.” He spins around holding the muffin in his palm.

Emmy steps a little closer peering at the muffin. He seemed to have taken the most time with this one. The eyes are big, the mouth looks pretty and he drizzled the sides so it looked like hair.

“Is that . . . supposed to be me?” she mumbles looking up at him.

His eyes soften when they make eye contact and he bites his bottom lip before nodding. “Yeah. Do you like it?”

She smiles slowly, glancing back at the muffin and the way he’s holding it so it wouldn’t fall on the floor.

“I love it, looks just like me,” she giggles again.

He sets it down on the counter gingerly, leaning his hand on the counter as he leans closer to her. His blond hair falls in front of his eyes.

“Thanks for all of this,” he says gently.

“For making muffins?”

“No, well, yes but for not pushing for answers or explanations or asking how I’m feeling. It’s nice not being looked at like a china doll.”

She stares up at him in shock, that’s the most he’s said to her since she got here a few days ago. She’s noticed how deep his voice is, how sultry it sounds and how it makes her knees weak.

“You’re welcome, Luke,” she rests her hand on top of his. “Believe me when I say that I know exactly what you’re going through. Trust me.”

He frowns at that, how could someone who radiates light and happiness know what it’s like to deal with the aftermath of a toxic relationship and a nuclear break up? How could someone have done that to her?

“You do?”

“Yeah, and it does get better. No one else can fix it but you, and it takes time.”

“Who hurt you? Mike never said—“

“Michael never knew,” she shakes her head. “It all happened while you were touring. I couldn’t bother him with it, there was nothing he could have done anyway. And now it’s over and I’m better and it’s done with,” she shrugs.

“What happened?”

She opens her mouth to reply when the front door bangs open and Michael’s already chattering away.

“I smell food! Delicious food!” he exclaims entering the kitchen.

Luke and Emmy break away from each other instantly, Luke’s hand already feels cold without hers on top of his. Instead he uses it to rub the back of his neck.

“What did you—oh. Luke! What’re you doing here?” Michael smiles excitedly upon seeing his best friend while Emmy giggles at her brother’s antics.

“He helped me make muffins from Ashton’s lemon tree,” she explains.

Michael glances between Luke, the muffins and Emmy, then repeats the action twice more before shaking his head in disbelief.

“Wow, that’s great. Are you sure Ashton said you could use his lemons?” he peers closer at the muffins taking a whiff of the lemony scent.

“Yes, I called him.”

“Why didn’t you go to the store?”

“Hm, maybe because I don’t have a car? Duh.”

“Okay sassy pants,” Michael laughs, “you could have called an Uber.”

“That’s just stupid. I’d pay for the car then I’d have to pay for the lemons and pay again for a ride home? Ashton’s was closer. And free,” she grins triumphantly and Luke smiles.

Her logic was pretty spot on.

Michael stares at Luke for a moment, he hasn’t seen him smile—a genuine smile—in who knows how long. “Fair point. I’ll rent a car for you to drive while you’re here.”

“I can drive her,” Luke suggests with a slight shrug.

Both Clifford’s turn their attention to the quiet blond. Emmy’s eyes are glowing and Michael is staring at him like he’s got two heads and a unicorn horn.

“Really?” she asks.

“Yeah, really? You don’t have to, Luke, you’re not her chauffer,” Michael shakes his head. What the hell is going on with him?

“I don’t mind. It’ll give me something to do, it’s no big deal,” he shrugs again then looks between both siblings. “Really.”

“Thanks Luke,” Emmy smiles.    

•••••

Emmy: hey muffin man, want to get some fro-yo? Mike and crys don’t want to L

Luke: it’s like 10 at night, aren’t they closed?

Emmy: all but one ;) I’ll send you the address. Pretty please?!

Luke: all right lol I’ll be there in 5

Emmy: thanks muffin man, you’re the best

 Ashton peeks his head out of his drum room, his headphones hung around his neck. He heard Luke exit his room and jingle his keys.

“Where are you going?” Ashton asks trying not to sound surprised.

“Fro-yo,” Luke says simply.

“By yourself?”

“No, I’m going to pick up Emmy.” He fits his snapback on his head then turns to Ashton as if waiting for him to stop him.

“Oh. Okay. Have fun, mate,” Ashton smiles but inside he’s screaming in excitement. Luke nods his goodbye then leaves through the garage. Ashton immediately calls Calum to tell him the news.

It’s been so long since Luke has wanted to go out and actually do something since what happened with Lea. Yes, it was eleven months ago but he was still hurting. They could all feel it, and now, with Emmy being here for only a week, she’s got him making muffins and going to get fro-yo at ten thirty at night.

•••••

Luke couldn’t help but glance at Emmy while he drove down the street, she looked undeniably cute in her pair of black leggings and long sleeved shirt. She took her flip flops off and sat cross legged on her seat because she’s small and she can.

He had a permanent smile on his face listening to her rant and rave about this 24 hour frozen yogurt place called Moon-Glo that she found on Google. She was reading off all the flavors they had for the night and he could already tell which ones she was going to get.

He had the worst desire to reach over, take her hand and kiss her knuckles while he drove. He shook his head trying to clear the thought but ever since they made muffins a few days ago, he’s been thinking of her nonstop.

Thinking of her also made him think of the guy who put her through a bad break up. He wanted to know what happened, how she dealt with it and how that guy could possibly let someone like Emmy go.

“Hey, you over there,” she says.

He feels her finger scratch at his elbow gently to get his attention and he looks over.

“Hm?” he hums.

“What’s on your mind?”

“Um . . .” he heaves a big sigh turning into the parking lot of the yogurt shop. He puts the car in park but keeps it running. “What happened, with your last relationship?”

He chews on the inside of his lip, gripping the steering wheel waiting for a response. When he hears her sigh he risks looking her way. He was expecting her to be angry but her lips were pursed, which he couldn’t help but find adorable even under his heavy question.

“Let’s get our yogurt first.”

“Right,” he mutters shutting off his car.

When they enter the small shop it’s designed to look like the moon. Craters are painted on the floor, walls and the ceiling. Little astronaut men stand on the tables and neon lights are displayed above the yogurt machines, making the flavors appear to glow in the dark.

“This is so cool!” Emmy gasps then takes Luke’s wrist dragging him to the counter that has the little testing cups. Taking a risk, he twists his hand in her grasp so he can grab onto her hand, lacing his fingers through hers. He finds a small victory that she doesn’t yank away. “Let’s try them all.”

They held hands while they sampled the flavors, except the peanut ones, and Luke was over the moon (pun intended). She decided on a black cherry with vanilla, and added fruit and caramel and little gummi bears. She topped it off with a cherry.

Luke went for chocolate and added Oreo crumbles with coconut shavings. He paid for her and he noticed her cheeks turn rosy. He had to stop himself from bending down and kissing them.

“You want to eat in here?” he asks grabbing two spoons, they’re silver with a moon on the end of the handle.

“Let’s go in your car,” she shook her head then turned to the cashier and smiled radiantly. “Thank you, have a good night.”

“Uh, you too.”

Luke nodded to the cashier then held the door open for Emmy. There was a slight breeze as they walked to his car and slid in. He turned it on so that his playlist could be heard softly in the background.

“Mm,” she hums as she take the first few spoonfuls. “This is my new favorite place. Wow. Okay. So you want to know about Mason?”

“Only if you’re comfortable,” he assures spooning his own treat. “That’s his name? Mason?”

“Yep. We broke up two years ago. I didn’t realize how bad of a relationship it was until it was over. He talked to this girl constantly that I never had a good feeling about, he’d make plans without telling me and I’d go along with them. He’d ignore me when we were with his friends. Then he wanted to be on a break because I became too clingy apparently.

“Then he broke up with me over text and the next day he was in a relationship with the girl he was talking to. Then they both harassed me and I was . . . I was in a bad place. I didn’t eat. I wasn’t sleeping. I listened to sad music all the time and I was just . . . not okay. It was hard. I cried constantly and I never interacted with my friends anymore.”

“I’m sorry, Emmy,” Luke says softly. He shifts in his seat to face her properly. “He’s an idiot for letting you go like that. I’m sorry you had to go through that alone.”

“Thank you, and it’s okay,” she shrugs taking another spoonful. “I don’t know how I did it but somehow I pulled myself out of the hole I let myself fall into. Talking to you guys on Facetime really helped, even though I had to fake it most of the time.”

Luke thinks back to the times they’d walk in on Michael speaking with her on the phone. They’d act like complete idiots but Emmy would laugh all the same.

All that time she was heartbroken? And none of them noticed?

“I should’ve—we should’ve noticed you weren’t yourself. I’m sorry, lovie, we could have helped—“

“You did. Just by being your goofy selves and making fun of Mikey made me feel better. You guys made me laugh when I thought I couldn’t.”

She doesn’t comment on the term of endearment that slipped out and he didn’t bring attention to it either. But God, did it feel good to call her that. It felt so natural.

“Honestly, Luke don’t worry about it. I’m better now, I promise.”

“You handle yourself a lot better than I do,” he grimaces swirling his contents in his bowl. “After what happened with Lea, I drank and smoked every day. From whenever I woke up to whenever I went to sleep. That’s why I’m at Ashton’s house a lot, he’s kept me in check.”

“We all handle our hurts differently,” her finger close around his wrist.

Luke tenses slightly at the unexpected touch then relaxes when she rubs circles into his skin.

“But let’s talk about something happier. How’s your fro-yo?”

•••••

“Your sister should have come out earlier,” Ashton tells Michael.

“Like ten months earlier,” Calum agrees drinking from his beer. They’re sat in the living room watching Michael play a video game.

“Honestly, I have no idea what she’s doing but it’s working. Luke seems more like himself than he has in the past year and a half,” Michael says. His thumbs working furiously on the buttons of his controller.

“Do you think they’re just hanging out or doing other . . . things?” Calum asks carefully side eyeing Michael.

Michael pauses the game turning slowly to Calum, his face is expressionless sans the anger in his eyes.

“That’s my little sister, Cal,” he says in a warning voice.

“I know! But she’s not little anymore, and she did have a crush on Luke growing up. They’re both adults spending some time together, y’know, things happen,” he shrugs as if it’s not a big deal.

“Okay, I’ll remember that next time Mali hangs out with Trey,” Michael snaps and Calum’s eyes widen.

“What? Who’s Trey?”

“Guys,” Ashton tries to break up the fight before it happens.

“Just a guy she’s hanging out with, no big deal right? Cause they’re probably sleeping together.”

“That’s my sister!”

“Now you see my point!”

“Guys! Bigger picture, please!” Ashton shouts this time and the other two fall silent. “You should see him at the house whenever Emmy texts or calls him. I swear he’s becoming himself again.”

“What would you do if they are dating?” Calum asks.

“Nothing I could do is there? She’s her own person, he’s my best friend. They can do what they want, but if he breaks her heart I’ll give him hell.”

“I thought I was your best friend,” Calum frowns.

“You’re all my best friends,” Michael sighs, “We’ve been over this a hundred times. Are they dating?”

“Where even are they anyway?” Calum asks looking around.

“Luke said they were going mini golfing and to a movie,” Ashton grins.

“They’re definitely dating,” Calum nods.

•••••

The movie they went to see didn’t end until about 1 a.m. they went to a late showing and it was about three hours long. Emmy loved it even though she cried and Luke didn’t hesitate in wiping her tears away from her cheeks.

“Hey, can we go to—“

“Moon Glo?” he smiles looking her way and she squeals in happiness.

“You’re the best,” she claps her hands excitedly and Luke chuckles.

They ordered the same thing as last time and sat talking in his car until Emmy began to yawn. Luke took her empty bowl and threw it out along with his in the garbage on the sidewalk. When he got back she blinked slowly at him.

“Time to take you home, Pip,” he murmurs pulling his seatbelt across himself and starting the car.

“Don’t wanna,” she sighs with a pout.

“You’re sleepy,” he chuckles. “I won’t have you sleep in my car, it’s not that comfortable.”

“Fine,” she sighs.

Emmy does end up falling asleep on the drive back and Luke thinks she looks horribly adorable with her head resting on the middle of the console. Her lips are pursed and her long lashes cast shadows on her round cheeks. He sighs longingly as he pulls into Michael’s driveway and he brushes her hair from her face.

“Hey, we’re home,” he says softly near her ear, “Emmy, wake up.”

She groans but blinks her eyes open slowly.

“Come on, sleepy girl,” he chuckles unlocking her belt. He catches it so it doesn’t strike her face and lets it retract slowly.

She unfurls her legs and Luke scrambles out of the car to open her door. He helps her unlock the front door and she nearly falls taking off her shoes. Which is odd considering she’s wearing flip-flops.

Luke steadies her and asks in a hushed voice, “Which is your room?”

“Up,” she points tiredly.

He smiles leading her to the stairs which could be an issue so he lifts her into his arms and carries her the rest of the way. He figures the room on the left is hers, it shows the skyline of the hills beautifully, and she’s always liked a good view. He lays her down gently on the bed but she clutches his sweatshirt in her fingers.

“Stay,” she demands weakly, her big doe eyes staring at him.

“I’ll be fine, I’m going back to Ash’s place—“

“No. You could hit a raccoon. Come on, just go to sleep,” she sighs shifting in the bed so he has room.

Luke’s heart is pounding in his ears at her request. “You sure?” he breathes.

“Yes. Now get in her Lucas, it’s getting cold.”

He toes off his shoes and removes his socks. Then he tugs his sweatshirt off so he’s in his t-shirt. Normally he sleeps in just his boxers but no way is he going to do that right now. He clears his throat about to climb in when she stops him.

“What are you doing?” she’s sitting up now.

“I’m—you told me to go to sleep,” he stares at her confused.

“Who sleeps in skinny jeans?” she huffs then gets out of bed and picks up an article of clothing. “These are Mike’s basketball shorts. Put those on.”

She chucks them at him and he turns around to peel off his jeans. He sighs at the looser fit of the shorts. When he spins around she’s changed into shorts and a t-shirt of her own. Damn, that’s fast.

“Better?” she asks climbing back into her bed.

“Much. Thank you,” he says then awkwardly gets into bed with her. He makes sure to stay as far from her as he can, he doesn’t want to cross any boundaries. Especially with his best friend’s younger sister.

His chivalry is tossed out the window though because she pulls him to her, his arm falling over her waist and she tickles her fingers up and down his arm.

“Now sleep,” she tells him burrowing further into her pillow.

The sound of her breathing and the light, coaxing touches of her fingers on his skin relaxes him and he closes his eyes. On average he only sleeps maybe four hours every night, so when he will inevitably wake up he’d sneak out before Michael or Crystal realized he was in bed with Emmy.

•••••

When he woke up, sunlight was streaming through the curtains. He shifted and inhaled a flowery smell mixed in with coconut; it was nice and he inhaled more. Soft giggles filled his ears and he opened his eyes to see his head nestled in Emmy’s neck.

“You’re tickling me,” she giggles again.

“Sorry,” he mumbles sleepily and he pulls his head back.

She rolls over, a smile already painted on her face. “Morning sunshine.”

“Morning,” he grumbles. His fingers rub circles on her lower back. “What time is it?”

“Almost noon.”

“Fuck. Really?”

“Yeah, you slept a long time,” her finger touch the skin below his eyes delicately. “Your eyes don’t look as dark.”

“Yours are, you’ve got mascara everywhere,” he chuckles.

“Great,” she groans. “I look like a raccoon.”

“A cute raccoon,” he grins biting his lip.

She rolls her eyes. “If you say so. I’m hungry. Let’s go get food.”

“How are you this chipper when you just wake up?” he asks rubbing sleep from his eyes.

“I’ve been awake for an hour,” she snickers then rolls out of his arms and onto the floor.

When Luke opens his bleary eyes from behind his hands, he’s transfixed by Emmy before him. Her sleep shorts rose up a bit and he’s staring straight at the bottom of her ass cheeks. He’s oh so tempted to reach out and squeeze, pulling her back into bed and onto his lap.

Woah…what?

“Are you checking me out?”

“No,” he responds too quickly averting his eyes then curses himself. He gets out of bed as well and tousles his hair.

“You’re a terrible liar,” she laughs.

Luke sighs in defeat then follows her downstairs. He hears Michael and Crystal’s voices and he gulps. He readies himself for a punch in the stomach or a clock to his face from Michael. He’s prepared to say they just slept.

“Oh my God. They’re alive!” Michael laughs from the couch, his guitar in hand. Crystal laughs beside him scrolling through her tablet. “Do you guys have a fro-yo hangover?”

“Yes, now we need hangover food. Wanna make us some French toast?” Emmy smiles with her tongue between her teeth, she makes her eyes really big and blinks them super-fast.

Luke would say yes in a heartbeat from her expression alone but Michael doesn’t give in to his sister’s shenanigans as easily.

“Nice try,” he deadpans. “Make them yourself, Pipsqueak.”

She sticks her tongue out then tugs Luke into the kitchen. Luke glances to Michael in alarm as she held his hand but he’s paying them no attention.

“Babe, you should make her breakfast. She’s our guest,” Crystal says.

“She can make her own breakfast!”

“I had to make you breakfast when we were home alone in the summer, Mikey,” Emmy calls gathering the French toast ingredients.

Then there’s a smack from Crystal and they bicker quietly together on the couch. Emmy stares up at Luke triumphantly.

“I love getting him in trouble with her.”

•••••

Their group is going out to Viral, their favorite club and Luke just came downstairs in all black with his shirt unbuttoned and two pairs of necklaces. He took a shower beforehand and he’s feeling fresh and ready to party. He’s really anxious to see Emmy.

“Hey man, ready to go?” Ashton asks with Calum behind him.

“Yeah, are the cabs coming to Michael’s?” Luke asks shoving his wallet in his back pocket.

“They’re gonna meet us there,” Calum says.

“Oh,” Luke chews on his bottom lip deflating a little. He won’t get to walk in with Emmy and see her reaction to the place. “All right.”

He’s silent in the car ride to the club, and does a bemused wave to fans that spot them outside the club before they enter. He heads to the bar as soon as they’re in the VIP section, slams down a shot then orders his usual.

Ashton and Calum are looking at him worriedly when he makes it back to their sitting area, he chooses to ignore them much like the girls who are making eyes at him. He knows who they are since he’s seen them naked before but he ignores them as well. None of them hold his interest anymore.

Except one.

He’s halfway done with his first drink, so he gets up to buy another—he’ll finish this one easily on the way—when he spots Michael and Crystal walking towards him hand in hand. Emmy’s not with them, great, she’s probably on a date—

There she is. Emmy shuffles beside her brother, her eyes landing on Luke straightaway. He smiles instinctually and veers to her direction, her smile alone pulls him. His arms slip around her easily as he embraces her in a tight hug. He squeezes her to him causing her to lift from the ground slightly and she laughs in his ear.

Everyone else around them disappears, his focus is only on her and when he sets her down on her feet he takes in her outfit. She’s wearing a pretty red romper with a black belt and ankle boots. She’s mouthwatering.

“You’re drooling,” she teases rubbing her thumb on his dry bottom lip. He knows he’s not but her touch sets his skin ablaze.

“Can you blame me?” he smiles lazily grabbing her hand. “Want something to drink?”

“A mint mojito,” she beams following him to the bar.

“Classy girl,” he smirks then flags down the bartender.

•••••

“He didn’t even look at us! Does he know we’re here?” Michael exclaims exasperatedly watching Luke and Emmy at the bar. He and Crystal joined the others sitting around the small round glass table.

“Oh leave him be,” Crystal squeezes her boyfriend’s knee. “I think it’s cute. Did you see how his face lit up when he saw her?”

“He was pretty bent up that we were meeting you here,” Calum says.

“I think he wanted to drive with Emmy,” Ashton adds.

“That’s so cute,” Crystal sighs.

“He’s lucky I know him, I wouldn’t want someone else looking at my sister like he is,” Michael sighs.

“Like what?”

“He’s looking at her like she’s the sun,” Crystal grins watching them.

•••••

Luke and Emmy join the rest of the group but make sure to sit close together, Luke’s leg is touching hers and she has her hand resting on his knee as they join in conversation. Luke nurses his second drink, he doesn’t want to be too intoxicated and forget what he and Emmy do together.

She’s taking shots and is on her fourth drink when she and Crystal head to the bathroom. As she passes by Luke, she takes his face in her hand and rubs his cheek affectionately before following Crystal to the bathroom. He watches her go with a permanent smile which quickly fades when he turns to his three best friends. All of their eyebrows are raised and Michael is staring him down.

“Uh, yes?” he asks awkwardly.

“What’s going on between you two?” Ashton giggles.

“What do you mean?”

��You were going to get plastered tonight, and I know because I saw the look in your eye, but as soon as Emmy arrived you’ve barely finished your second drink. Which probably is so watered down you can’t even taste the alcohol anymore,” Ashton explains.

“You’ve been by each other’s side the whole time,” Calum adds sipping his cocktail.

Luke doesn’t know what to say but he looks at Michael. His expression is hard to read, what with the flashing lights and the fact that he’s been drinking as well.

“Does my sister make you happy?” Michael asks.

“Of course she does!” Ashton answers for Luke very loudly. “He hasn’t been this happy in so long, and it’s all because of her, right?”

“Yeah,” Luke admits sheepishly. “I’m sorry Mike. I didn’t plan on this happening but she’s just . . . she’s something else.”

•••••

“Tell me Ems, are you and Luke dating?” Crystal asks while they’re leaning against the bathroom sinks.

“What? Why would you say that?”

“He’s spent the night nearly every night since you got here. He’s talking a lot more, he’s smiling a lot more, and you haven’t left his side the whole night.”

“I don’t know what we are, we haven’t talked about it. We haven’t even kissed yet,” Emmy sighs in disappointment.

“I can tell you, the boy is smitten with you,” Crystal winks.

“How can you tell?”

“How can you not? Did you not see the way he smiled at you when we came?” Crystal asks and Emmy blushes in response. “He’s changed a lot since you got here, he seems more like himself ever since Lea . . .”

•••••

Emmy is lost in thought as they exit the bathroom as Crystal drags her to the bar to order a shot. Luke notices them standing by the bar, he doesn’t know why but he feels like he should be over there. Even though they’re in the VIP section, creeps are still everywhere.

He’s only half listening to the guys’ conversation because his attention is on Emmy and the way she’s bouncing on her feet to the beat of the music. The way her eyes close when she laughed at something Crystal said. The way a guy grabbed her waist and pulled her against his chest.

Crystal tries to intervene but is shoved away into another guy and Luke rises immediately. He grabs Michael by the scruff of his shirt who yelps in protest.

“It’s Crystal and Emmy,” Luke hisses quickly and he bound down the stairs like lightning.

“Stop touching me!” he hears Emmy protest.

Upon hearing her voice, Luke yanks the guy off her and she stumbles back into the bar. He shoves the guy as far away from Emmy as he can then motions to security to escort him and his friend out who Michael also shoved away. He watches security take them away until he’s sure they’re gone then he feels small hands touch his arm. He turns around to see Emmy biting her lip, her eyes wide in fear and glistening.

“You’re okay,” he says quickly pressing her against him. She allows herself to be crushed against his strong chest, she already feels safe in his arms. He kisses the top of her head, rubbing her arms and back while Mike tries to console a very drunk and very angry Crystal.

“Want me to take you home?” Luke asks lowly in her ear. She nods and he takes his phone out to text the valet to bring his car around.

He looks to Michael who’s already nodding in understanding that Luke will take his sister home. Luke feels Emmy’s hot breath through his shirt as he continues to soothe her until his phone buzzes.

“Okay, come on lovie,” he says grabbing her hand. “I’ve got you.”

•••••

Emmy’s silent the whole drive to Michael’s. Luke desperately wants to reach out and hold her hand, but the vibe he’s getting from her tells him not to. He doesn’t want to touch her unless she wants him to, but he needs to make sure she’s all right.

Before he has his car in park, she’s already tripping out of the car and up the walkway. Luke sighs then follows after her up to her bedroom but the door is closed. Memories of this being from another time, with a different girl and it made his heart crack at the all too familiar feeling.

No. She’s not Lea. She’s not mad at you.

He raps his knuckles gently on her door, and calls her name softly.

“You can come in,” her muffled voice says from the other side.

He turns the knob, his eyes scanning the room until he finds her pulling out his clothes he’s kept there when he spends the night. She’s already changed into her pajamas, her make up rubbed off hastily. He stands frozen in the doorway, not entirely sure on how to approach her. If he should approach her at all.

Emmy turns then gives him a funny look.

“Get in here and change,” she sighs heavily.

“You sure you want me to stay the night?” he asks taking a hesitant step closer.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“You seem mad at me,” he shrugs, “and after what happened at the club I thought you’d want to be alone.”

Her arms drop and she’s peering at him intently. She meets him halfway tossing his shirt and shorts on the bed, still looking up at him. She hears how deep he’s breathing, his eyes never leaving hers but she can see the doubt in the sky blue irises.

“Luke Hemmings, being alone is the last thing I want,” her voice is just shy of a whisper but he can hear the true emotion in it.

He swallows as she moves closer and closer, her fingers tuck his curls behind his ear. He notices how her lips are parted slightly and the way her eyes dart between his lips and his eyes.

“What do you want?” he asks thickly.

“I . . . I want you to kiss me, Luke,” she whispers.

He exhales his breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding and attaches his mouth to hers, his arms snaking around her waist to her lower back. Emmy’s hands clutch onto his biceps as he kisses her with so much want and desire. One of her hands find home in his curls and she tugs gently, his tongue swipes her bottom lip then he slips it between her lips.

Luke shifts them lifting her off the ground and he sits down on the bed, Emmy instantly straddling him and their lips stay locked in a heated kiss of teeth and tongue and heavy breathing.

Emmy rises her hips from his lap and Luke slides his hands over the roundness of her ass. She makes quick work of unbuttoning his black silk shirt, pulling the fabric tucked in his jeans and shoves it off his shoulders.

Luke tosses it to his left, or behind him, he’s not sure because he’s focused on the taste of her lips. They’re slightly minty from her mojitos but also sugary from the lemon drop shots she consumed throughout the evening.

Luke kneaded his fingers in the fullness of her ass and she moaned against his mouth, her hips rocking gently against his. His hands travel north over the top part of her romper, his thumbs grazing the sides of her breasts and she nips at his lip and he takes that opportunity to kiss along her jaw. He’s sucking on her skin as he begins to work on her belt but when she sighs he smells the alcohol on her breath and he stops his actions.

He tears his lips away from her jaw and places his hands on the side of her neck. Her eyes are a little bloodshot and filled with excitement, her pretty lips parted.

“What’s wrong?”

“I should stop before I won’t be able to,” he breathes, his eyes darting between hers.

“Oh,” she deflates on top of him and he can see the instant rejection in her eyes.

“No, no, baby, it’s not because I don’t want to,” he tries to recover quickly and holds onto her tighter. “I want to so bad, but not like this.”

She studies him carefully and can hear truth in his voice and knows he’s right. But it still stings.

“Can we kiss until we fall asleep?” she asks softly playing with his necklaces.

“Hey, look at me,” he murmurs ticking her chin up so her dark blue eyes are looking in his. “That’s not even a question.”

She gets off his lap then and they both go to her bathroom to brush their teeth, making eyes at each other in the mirror. Luke watches her fondly as she washes her face free of her make-up and when she’s dried her face he takes her cheeks in his hands kissing her.

They shuffle back to her bed, Emmy crawls in first and Luke hits the light switch before joining her under the covers. In their excitement of kissing some more, her hand smacks his cheek and his presses on her hair.

“Ow!” they yelp then burst into giggles.

“Where are your lips?” she laughs.

“Trying to find yours,” he responds then feels her top lip. “Gotcha.”

They kiss in whispers and he can’t help but notice her lips have a slight taste to coconut, it must be the chapstick she put on after brushing her teeth. Emmy’s fingers thread through his growing curls while Luke’s are strong on her lower back.

“I really like you, Emmy,” he confesses in one breath when they take a break of kissing. Luke’s fingers trail up and down her bare back underneath her shirt.

It feels good to finally say it out loud. The last week and a half he’s spent with her has been the happiest he’s been in so long. She’s repairing the carved out part of his heart that Lea ruthlessly took from him. She didn’t question him or treat him like a ticking time bomb. Emmy’s thumb traces over Luke’s top lip, his heart is racing waiting for her response.

“I really like you, Luke,” she admits giving him a gentle kiss. “And I really like kissing you.”

“I really like kissing you,” a smile spreads on his face before he kisses her with all he’s got.

“And it’s okay?” she gasps out.

“What’s okay?”

“That I like you and you like me even though I’m Mikey’s little sister?”

Luke draws back, his brows furrowed.

“That’s not an issue, Emmy. Michael and I actually talked about . . . us, kind of. He’s okay with it.”

“Really?! Oh, thank God,” she sighs launching herself on top of Luke peppering kisses all over his face. He’s soon laughing beneath her then tickles her sides in retaliation. Emmy shrieks in laughter at his attack until they’re both panting to catch their breath.

•••••

Luke’s standing alone in Roy’s backyard waiting and watching for Emmy. Roy and Calum decided to throw a midsummer beach party and the place was packed. Luke and Ashton showed up together and Emmy spent the day with Michael and Crystal so they’d be coming later.

Ashton left to mingle immediately and Luke scopes out the other partygoers. Some of them he recognizes from his own party days. He nods politely as they greet him but he’d much rather have Emmy by his side. He never wanted to go back to that life he lived for what felt like forever.

He’s scrolling through his phone then smiles again at the text Emmy sent him not too long ago saying she was on her way. Then he hears an all too familiar laugh that sends a cold sweat on the back of his neck.

Luke looks up to see Lea amongst a group of people, her signature high top-bun and white rimmed sunglasses frame her face as she converses. Luke swallows harshly but it only constricts his throat further. His feet are frozen, his heart is racing and there’s a slight ringing in his ears as panic sets in.

His brain is telling him to escape as fast as he can, to find Ashton or to find Emmy who he hopes is here somewhere but the message doesn’t reach his feet. He’s stuck staring at the girl who wrecked him completely, leaving him in the sunken ship she capsized.

Lea slid her sunglasses up her head then spotted Luke who still couldn’t look away. He thinks there’s a word for it, like when you drive by an accident and you can’t look away? His mind is blank as she stares at him, a ghost of her signature smirk appears before she starts walking his way.

He’s frozen in his spot, the ringing in his ears is louder and higher pitched and all he can do is watch the tornado of a woman create her warpath in his direction.

“Hey! There you are.”

Emmy’s voice breaks through Luke’s panic, and the gentle touch of her hands on his back as she hugs him causes him to tear his eyes away from the storm and onto the light that is Emmy. He exhales in relief when he looks into her eyes and she sees the familiar darkness.

“What’s the matter?”

“Hi Lukey-boo,” Lea greets in a sickly sweet voice, it makes his stomach turn. “Babysitting I see?”

Emmy twists around to look at Lea and Luke closes his eyes, he just wanted to keep looking in her eyes.

“You must be Lea,” Emmy greets brightly. She takes Luke’s hand in her own and squeezes it tightly. “I’ve heard so many things about you.”

“Oh thank you,” Lea smiles smugly, twisting her hair with her fingers.

“I didn’t say they were good things,” Emmy responds icily then turns to Luke. “Come on Luke, Mikey’s looking for you.”

Emmy drags Luke away as quick as she can inside the house, he’s shaking slightly and as soon as they’re inside he slips his hand from hers. He finds the nearest wall then starts smacking it as hard as he can, his teeth clenched.

“Hey, hey, Luke. Luke!” Ashton is suddenly behind him, between him and Emmy, with his hands on Luke’s shoulders. He pulls him away from the wall. “What’s going on?”

“Lea was outside,” Emmy explains quietly watching the scene in front of her.

“Shit,” Ashton mutters then pulls Luke with him upstairs.

Emmy smiles apologetically at the people in the kitchen then scampers after Ashton and Luke. When she looked into Luke’s eyes, he was the ghost of himself she’s never seen before. It terrified her, not for her safety, but only concern for Luke. She finds Ashton and Luke in Calum’s room, it’s far away from downstairs and faces the street instead of the backyard.

“You good? We can leave if you want or I’ll make Roy kick her out,” Ashton says.

“Did Calum know she was going to be here?”

“No, he wouldn’t do that, Luke. She must have overheard about the party or something and came here on purpose to mess with you,” Ashton squeezes Luke’s shoulders. His hands are keeping Luke’s head above the waters. “What do you need?”

“Where’s Emmy?”

“Ash…” Emmy says quietly stepping forward.

“She’s right here,” Ashton steps aside, releasing his hold on Luke.

Luke’s ice blue eyes slide to her and he visibly relaxes, his face softening and shoulders falling.

“You good?” Ashton asks, Luke nods stiffly. “I’ll be downstairs. Text me if you need me.”

Ashton pats him on the back then gives Emmy a small smile before exiting the room. He closes the door softly behind him and Luke falls onto the bed with a big sigh. His elbows rest on his knees and he hangs his head. Emmy joins him and places her hand on his neck.

“Hey,” she scratches the back of his neck with her nails. Luke breathes deeply and sits up straight turning to Emmy.

“Hey,” he croaks. “I’m sorry you had to see me like that. I wasn’t expecting Lea to be here and it’s—it’s been so long I thought I’d be okay and—“

“Luke, it’s okay. You don’t have to explain it to me, okay?” she strokes his cheek with the back of her fingers. “What happened?”

“I couldn’t…” he shakes his head. “I couldn’t move. I saw her and it’s like I was paralyzed. I’m so glad that you showed up when you did, lovie.”

Emmy kisses his forehead, his eyebrow, his cheek and then finally his lips. Her thumbs stroke his cheeks as she looks into his eyes.

“I am too. Do you want to stay or do you want to go somewhere else?”

“I didn’t really want to be here in the first place,” he sighs kissing the inside of her wrist.

“Then let’s go,” she smiles.

He follows her downstairs where Ashton is waiting for them, he perks up at the sight of them.

“What’s goin’ on?” Ashton asks looking between Emmy and Luke.

“We’re blowing this popsicle stand,” Emmy giggles. “Can you tell Mikey we left?”

“Yeah, no problem,” he watches them brisk by then he calls out, “where are you going?”

“An adventure!” Emmy shouts causing Luke to laugh and then they’re gone.

Luke is cruising down the 405 with the windows down and Emmy is singing along to the radio. Every time Luke looks over at her it’s easier for him to breathe and they arrive at the beach just as the sky turns a pretty golden orange.

“Take off your shoes,” Emmy orders already working on her black boots.

Luke toes off his own boots placing his socks inside then setting them down inside the car. He takes her hand leading the way into the hot but soft sand. The warm ocean breeze ruffles his hair and he inhales the salty air.

Their toes touch the water’s edge, Emmy squeals a little at the coolness of it but soon she’s kicking the water up.

“Hey!” he chuckles shielding his face.

“It’s just water,” she teases kicking a spray of it in his direction. Some of the spray hits his cheek.

“Do that again, I dare you,” he threatens but his voice doesn’t ring true of the threat. Emmy does it again. “That’s it, you’re in trouble now.”

“Ahh!” She screams and tries to run from him but his legs are longer and he snatches her up quickly.

He throws her over his shoulder, she’s squealing in laughter as he spins her around making sure to kick up some water.

“Luke!” she laughs patting his back and his butt in an attempt to get him to let her down.

“Say you’re sorry!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

Satisfied, he sets her down gently. They both take a deep breath and then Emmy squats down to splash a huge amount of water on his stomach and legs. She’s laughing so hard she falls into the water on her butt, she gasps in surprise.

“Karma baby,” Luke chuckles.

Emmy groans and stands up. Her jean shorts are a shade darker and her top clings to her skin, the ends of her hair is wet and Luke can tell she’s grumpy about the turn of events. She scowls at him which he thinks is the cutest fucking thing he’s ever seen before she leaps up in his arms. He’s taken aback and staggers backwards, the waves push against his balance and then they’re both in the water but Luke makes sure his hold is secure on Emmy.

“OOF!” he grunts at the impact and the wetness he now feels.

“I made my own karma,” Emmy snickers.

Luke squeezes her waist and stares into her eyes, thankful that karma has brought her back into his life. He wants to tell her his thoughts, but his mouth can’t form the words so he crushes his lips to hers in hopes she’ll understand what he can’t say.

They splash around in the water for a bit longer then sit in the sand until the sun starts to set and their clothes are somewhat dry. They decide to head back to Michael’s house. Emmy’s hand is rising and falling out the window as she sings along to Jaden Smith’s PCH blasting through the speakers.

“Gimme all your kisses baby cause this is bliss, gimme all your kisses baby…” she sings tilting her head from side to side in time with the beat of the song and Luke’s never felt so much fondness for a person before.

The house is quiet when Luke and Emmy arrive, Michael’s car is still gone so they must still be at the party. Luke pulls Emmy against him as soon as the door shuts, his lips on hers. Emmy sighs into the kiss linking her arms around his neck.

“Gimme all your kisses baby,” Luke mumbles and she nods enthusiastically.

He lifts her into his arms, her legs wrap around his waist and he heads upstairs to her bedroom. He sits down on her bed tugging her shirt up and off her head and Emmy removes her bra swiftly before tugging at his t-shirt.

Luke’s hands are hot on her skin as his tongue explores her mouth once more. She smells like the beach and her lips are sun kissed with a hint of saltiness from the ocean water. Emmy moans quietly and it causes Luke’s dick twitch in response.

He pulls away and looks at her, her eyes are alert, lips are red and swollen and she’s smiling. Luke drops his gaze to her bare torso and he lets out a huff at the sight of her chest rising and falling heavily. He presses his lips between her breasts, sponging kisses along the mound until he finds her nipple which he tugs between his teeth. His tongue flicks against it and she sighs in his arms at the sensation.

He shifts to the other breast doing the same thing but sucks hard on the skin, it makes an obscene noise and she whimpers. When he releases her breast he sees his teeth marks surrounding her nipple and his pants tighten at the sight. He looks up at her.

“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” he pants then flips her over so she’s on her back. Her legs rise up on the bed but she stops him before he climbs on top of her.

“Wait, wait,” she holds onto his chest with her palm. “Get the door.”

He smiles and obeys shutting it and locks it for good measure even though he’s positive Michael and Crystal won’t be back for hours. When he turns around he sees she’s just in her black panties and he groans.

“You’re so pretty, baby,” he sighs then kneels in front of her. Luke pulls her closer to him, an excited squeal escaping her lips at the movement and he pulls her panties to the side staring at her bare center. His mouth waters at the sight. “So pretty,” he whispers then runs his finger up her slit, his eyes move to hers.

She’s watching him intently, a fire in her eyes that he’s sure matches his. He teases her more by playing with her folds and kisses her inner thighs.

“Luke,” she whines his name and fuck, does he love the sound, “please.”

That plea is all he needs to hear and he attaches his mouth to her warm wet center, she tastes even better than he’s imagined. She whimpers above him, letting her legs fall open wider for him and he swipes his tongue up and down, in circular motions and flicks at her clit which makes her go wild.

She’s moaning so loud he swears he’s never heard a more beautiful sound, he wants to hear her make those noises forever. Emmy bucks her hips in time with his ministrations.

“You close, lovie?” he rasps looking up at her. She arches her back and moans out a ‘yes.’ “Come on my mouth, baby.”

He devours her, keeping his mouth on her and moving his face roughly from side to side as she moans relentlessly. He searches for her hand that is clutching the sheet in a death grip and drags it to his hair. She yanks and pulls with each spasm of her orgasm washing over her but Luke doesn’t stop. He keeps sucking and licking until her movements slow and she lets out a deeply satisfied sigh.

Luke licks his lips then slips her panties off her waist and down her legs. He stuffs it in his back pocket, kissing both sides of her thighs as she comes down from her orgasm. His gaze is locked on her, watching her facial expressions and the rapid rise and fall of her chest.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a while,” he admits trailing his fingers up and down her leg before hooking it over his shoulder.

“You’re really good at it,” she puffs out and he chuckles.

He lifts her other leg over his shoulder and looks up at her darkly. “Want me to go again, lovie?”

He doesn’t give her time to answer before he slips his middle finger inside curling it as he does. Her mouth opens in a perfect little ‘o’ and she yanks harshly at the root of his curls. She rocks her hips against his finger, a chorus of moans fill the room as he pumps into her faster, harder, and it’s not long until she’s coming beneath him again.

When he removes his finger, he traces a line from her slit, past her bellybutton and around the curves of her breast. Then he scoots back down in between her legs, she whimpers already knowing what he’s planning to do.

“Got one more for me, baby?” he rasps situating himself at her core. Again, he doesn’t give her a chance to answer before he’s diving in, darting his tongue in and out at an antagonizing pace.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” she squeals pulling on his hair. Her body shakes. Her legs are trembling.

When he adds his finger again she lets out an animalistic growl that only urges Luke to continue pleasuring her, loving the yank of his hair by her fingers. He hums against her, the vibrations adding even more to her pleasure and her body spasms before clenching as she lets out a scream.

Luke feels her come all over his finger and his mouth, his eyes on her the entire time as her whole body lifted from the bed, as if she were ascending into an astral plane of pure ecstasy. When her body drops back down, her legs going lax, is when he decides to stop. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and swipes his finger on his jeans, he doesn’t care that they’re black and it’ll stain.

Luke crawls over her once more, Evie somehow finds the strength to press her palm against his chest. He notices the space between her cleavage is sheened with sweat.

“Please, no more,” she whispers. Her eyes are hooded as she stares up at him.

“No more,” he shakes his head then rests his forehead on hers. “You did so well, baby. I love hearing your moans.” She yawns then and he rolls off the bed to retrieve some new underwear and her pajamas.

He helps her change into them, her legs are wobbling as she does and they head into the bathroom to wash up. Luke holds onto her hip while they brush their teeth and while she washes her face. He tucks her into bed before he pulls off his jeans and places his t-shirt over his head and climbs in behind her. He chuckles to himself when he realizes how she’s lying, her legs are completely spread, and she’s on her stomach with her arms splayed over the pillow.

She looks like a cute little starfish.

He settles in behind her and rubs her back helping her relax, he knows she loves that. Then he kisses her neck and whispers, ‘goodnight, pretty girl.’

•••••

When Emmy woke up the next morning, memories of last night flooded into her mind. Butterflies appeared in her tummy as she woke up a bit more, blinking her eyes open slowly. She rolls over to see Luke already awake and staring at the ceiling, his arms locked behind his head.

“Good morning,” Emmy greets, her voice is strained as she stretches her limbs.

“Morning,” he smiles wistfully at her then continues staring at the ceiling.

Emmy’s eyebrows pull together and she scoots herself on his chest. She pulls on his chin until his pretty blue eyes meet hers.

“What’s on your mind?” she asks.

Luke brings his left arm down from behind his head to settle it on her waist. His fingers slip beneath her shirt to tickle her back and goosebumps rise at his feather light touch on her skin.

“I think I want to go back home.”

“To Aus?”

“N-no . . . my house. Here. In LA,” his Adam’s apple works in his throat.

“Oh,” Emmy squeaks then clears her throat. “Okay. When? Today?”

“Maybe. Yeah. . . I think so. I don’t know,” he closes his eyes breathing deeply through his nose.

“I’ll go with you,” she offers, “unless you want to go alone.”

“No, I want you to come with me, lovie. It’ll help having you there.”

“Okay,” she touches his cheek and his eyes open. She smiles softly. “Hi.”

“Hi pretty girl,” he lifts his head stretching forward to give her a soft kiss.

“Can I try something?” she asks resting her hand on his lower stomach.

“Like what?” He gives her a quizzical look.

“Liiiike what you did for me last night. . .” she slides her hand lower under the sheet and onto his boxers. She rubs her palm over his dick gently and Luke inhales sharply. “. . . but I want to do it for you.”

“You don’t have to Ems,” he licks his lips as she continues to palm him.

He’s getting harder in her hand and he blinks slowly at her soft tugging.

“I want to,” she breathes leaning up to kiss him and she slips her hand underneath his boxers. He’s warm and soft in her hand as she strokes him lazily.

Luke inhales sharply again, his hand squeezes her waist.

“Can I?” she kisses his neck then slides down the length of his body.

“Mhm,” he hums lifting his hips so she can pull his boxers down.

Emmy kisses his tummy softly and continues to give open mouthed kisses on his skin until she kisses the tip of his dick. She continues to mouth him, opening her mouth to let her tongue swirl around his tip.

“Baby,” he sighs and Emmy takes more of him in her mouth.

“Quiet,” she whispers jerking her head to the door behind her. Michael and Crystal are asleep down the hall and she did not want to wake them up like this.

Luke nods and Emmy hollows out her cheeks to take him in her mouth as far as she can go, salivating on him so she can pump him with her hand. Luke’s grunting and groaning softly, watching her every move. He loves the way her head bobs up and down slowly and the way she swirls her tongue up and down his shaft.

He jerks his hips gently with her movements, his fingers comb through her hair and she moves faster. Luke’s panting heavily until he feels his release coming, with a low grunt and no warning, he’s coming in her mouth.

“Babe, babe, Ems,” he gasps trying to get her mouth off him but she swallows all he’s giving her.

Luke throws his head back on the pillows, heart racing, and his body spent. It’s been so long since he’s gotten head, he’s a little embarrassed it didn’t take him long to orgasm to but to have Emmy doing it for him was amazing.

Emmy wipes the corner of her mouth, wincing a little but gives Luke a smile nonetheless.

“Sorry, that’s . . . it’s been a while,” he sighs blinking slowly.

“Did you like it?” her eyes big.

“Yes, baby, I loved it,” he gives her a glazed smile. “C’mere.”

His fingers are in her hair again and they kiss lazily until Michael is banging on the door complaining about how he’s hungry and they’re all going out for breakfast.

•••••

Emmy joins Luke at the front door of his house, he’s twirling his keys between his fingers. She grabs hold of his bicep and Luke gives a small grin that looks more like a grimace then inserts the key. He takes Emmy’s hand in his and leads her inside.

Emmy looks around the space, it’s very modern with a lot of sharp edged furniture. Everything is in its own place and very black and white. It’s the furthest thing from Luke and Emmy didn’t like it at all.

“Well, this is it,” he gestures, “What do you think?”

“It’s very. . .” Emmy scans the empty kitchen and bare walls. “Clean.”

Luke snorts walking her down the hall. “It’s very Lea. She chose everything.”

Emmy frowns at that and peeks in the rooms before they stop in a bedroom she assumes is his room. It’s also very modern and monochromatic. The only splash of color is from a potted plant in the corner that is surely fake, no wonder Lea chose it.

Emmy moves to the window to see a nice view of of the hills and a small pool that’s in serious need of some care. When she turns around, Luke is sitting on the bed watching her with a thoughtful expression.

“What’s running through your mind, honey bun?” she asks threading her fingers through his curls.

He smiles at the nickname and grabs hold of her thigh, his thumb rubs circles on her exposed skin below her shorts.

“I want to get rid of everything. Repaint the walls, get new furniture and a new bed,” he grins deviously up at her and pulls her closer.

“I think that’s a marvelous idea,” she smiles.

“Do you want to help me?”

“Really? I don’t want to intrude—“

“You won’t,” he shakes his head, “I want your opinion since . . .”

“Since what?”

“Since I want you to visit and I want you to visit a lot and I want you to like it too.”

Emmy melts into his arms, hugging him tightly. His arms are wrapped around her and he pulls her onto his lap.

“Is that okay?” he asks in her ear.

“It’s more than okay. That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard, Luke,” she kisses his shoulder.

“You’re the sweetest thing.”

•••••

Luke and Emmy got to work right away on remodeling his house. He donated all of his furniture and hired a cleaning crew for the whole house, and the pool before the painters come.

While the painters were doing their job, Luke and Emmy went furniture shopping. He was a little apprehensive at first, but only because flashbacks of when he and Lea did the same thing she chose everything while Luke followed along silently.

But with Emmy, she made everything fun and lighthearted. She tested each couch cushion, pulling him down with her. It’s like she was goldilocks and Luke felt like he was anything but the big bad wolf like how Lea made him feel.

He decided on a blue couch with gray armchairs for the living room and he chose a king sized bed and a dark red armchair for his bedroom. It would all be delivered by next week which would be crunch time because in two weeks they’d be leaving for Bali.

As they were leaving the furniture store to go decoration shopping, Luke noticed some familiar photographers hanging around across the street. He remembers how Emmy nearly fell the last time she was around the paps and he took hold of her hand.

Was that already two months ago?

Luke keeps glancing at her once he’s driving to the next store and he can’t believe the timeline of him and Emmy.

Growing up, she was always Mikey’s younger sister who wanted to play video games and hang out with them all the time. When their music career began, they lost touch and sight of each other but he thought about her often.

“What’re you thinking so hard about over there?” Emmy pulls him out of his reverie just as they climb out of the car.

“You,” he answers simply holding out his hand for her to take. He doesn’t miss the blush on her cheeks and Luke loves it.

“Oh,” she giggles softly.

The decorating was his favorite thing to shop for because Emmy got so animated about everything she saw. She’d say where it would look best in his house and how it would pair nicely with something else she found in another aisle. Being with Emmy was as easy as breathing and blinking. He didn’t have to think about it, it just . . . felt so right.

Emmy is pointing out bookends that are guitars and Luke steps forward and places his finger under her chin so he can kiss her softly. His lips move against hers slowly, wanting to show her how delicate she is and deserves to be treated with such care.

“What was that for?” she exhales smiling up at him.

“I’m happy you’re here with me, Pip.” Luke’s fingers brush her hair back over her shoulder.

“You haven’t called me that since I got here,” she giggles.

“I know, you’re still my Pipsqueak. I think I’ve got all we need, ready to go back to your brother’s?”

She nods slowly taking his hand and they exit the store. As soon as they step into the hot LA sun, their names are being shouted left and right while a multitude of shutter speeds click a mile a minute. Emmy immediately coils into Luke’s side and he shifts his arm around her shoulders guiding her to the car.

“Is it true you and Lea are talking things through?”

“How does Michael feel about you with his sister?”

“What’s it like dating Luke?”

“Are you moving in together?”

“Do you still love Lea?”

The questions were fired from left and right and each time Lea was mentioned Luke tensed up and it only made him approach the car that much faster. Luke shields Emmy’s body with his own so she could get into the car safely and Luke hurried to his side.

Thankfully, the photographers backed away so Luke could peel out of the parking lot. His hands were shaking against the wheel, he flinches when Emmy grabs hold of his fingers with her own. He lets her place his hand in her lap where she caressed his fingers in a soothing way.

He calmed down immediately.

•••••

A week has gone by and Luke’s house is finally complete. He invites Emmy over first so they can be alone before he shows the others. They did this together and he wanted to revel in their job well done.

“Luke, it’s so amazing!” she gushes eyeing the piano he selected.

The space seems more like Luke, it’s open and warm and full of color.

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” he smiles leaning against his kitchen counter. He watches her peer at the guitar bookends on his shelf on either side of his TV. Her smile is radiant as she approaches him, his arms hold onto her waist loosely.

“Does it feel like home?”

His eyes search hers before he leans down pressing his lips to hers, he pulls her tighter against him. One hand travels to her neck and her hands hold onto the sides of his waist. The kiss becomes needy quickly and filled with so much desire Emmy gasps for breath but Luke moves his lips to her neck.

Emmy sighs, her fingers play with the ends of his curls that are getting longer before she starts to work on his buttons and his hands slide under her shirt. They remove the articles of clothing onto the floor, Luke’s fingers slip under the straps of her bra gliding them down her shoulders.

Luke pulls his mouth away from hers to look at her, her eyes are shining and her chest is rising heavily as she tries to catch her breath. To his surprise, she unfastens her bra and lets it fall to the floor between them. Emmy lifts her arms around his neck connecting their lips once more and Luke hoists her legs around his waist.

Lips still molding together, he peeks through his lids as he makes his way to his bedroom and places her on his bed gently. He moves to his knees on the floor as he pulls her shorts and underwear off, his mouth hot on her skin as he did so. He kisses up her leg, tongue delving between her pussy lips slowly.

Emmy sighs above him and he hums against her before removing his own clothes. Her hands reach for him as he reaches for her and then he’s hovering above her. Their eyes meet and they have a silent conversation as she settles herself beneath him and takes hold of him.

He kisses her as he pushes into her carefully. Moaning and sighing with bodies rolling like waves, they find the perfect rhythm easily. Their fingers slot together next to her head and their kisses become sloppy as their movements quicken.

They breathe each other in and when she clenches around him, Luke moans her name in her ear as she fills his with the chorus of her moans. As she comes notes and lyrics fill his head and he moves faster, grunting with each pull and thrust until he’s coming as well.

When he’s finished, he lifts his head to see she’s already staring at him, soft expression on her face and their fingers unlock. Soft pecks to her lips and all over her face makes her laugh and he caresses her cheek.

“You feel like home,” he tells her. She bites her lip then cuddles into his chest, kissing every inch of him she can.

•••••

Bali has been nothing but exceptional for Emmy and she loved having Luke show her around to his favorite spots. During the day they’d do activities like zip lining, visit the Uluwatu Temple and the monkey temple where they each got photos of a little monkey on their shoulders.

Each night they’d have dinner with Michael and everybody else then enjoy a large bonfire on the beach where Luke held Emmy between his legs in the sand. Michael kept a careful eye on them both, more so than when they were back home in LA. He picked up on different things here than back at home.

Like how whenever Luke would look at his sister, he’d have an instant smile on his face and when Emmy would be talking Luke listened very carefully. He always walked with her on the inside of the roads and when they’d join together again if they got split up from sight-seeing, he’d kiss her cheek.

Michael took notice of his sister’s actions as well. While they were looking at the trinket shops, her eyes would be on the token in her hand while her other reached for Luke who would be by her side instantly and she hadn’t even said his name. He noticed the way her face brightened when Luke would greet her with a kiss or simply look at her.

It made Michael happy that his best friend and his sister were so happy together. Especially for Luke, he didn’t seem so broken anymore. It also made Michael realize how grown up his sister is now. She’s no longer the little sister who followed them around wanting to play games and listen to their music.

“You’re quiet, that means you’re thinking something,” Crystal says sitting next to him on the couch out by the pool.

Michael’s eyes are focused on Luke and Emmy across the way in the pool. His sister has her legs in the water while Luke’s arms are resting on her thighs and they’re just talking to each other. Emmy dips her hand in the water then slicks back Luke’s curls, she smiles at something he says.

“I think they’re in love,” Michael finally speaks up, his fingers twiddling together.

“I think so too,” Crystal smiles placing her hand over his just as Emmy squealed in laughter as Luke pulled her into the water with him.

Later that night, before everyone disappeared for bed, Michael pulls Luke aside.

“What’s up?” Luke asks.

Michael gazes at one of his best friends for a moment, Luke’s skin color is tanner from the holiday sun, the dark circles under his eyes are gone completely and his eyes don’t have that hard edge to them anymore. He’s a completely different person from when he was with Lea and he had his little sister to thank.

“Um, I know we sort of talked about this at the club but . . . you’re serious about Ems, aren’t you?” Michael flat out asks.

Luke softens at her name and he nods, his fingers run through his unruly curls. Michael’s noticed he’s let his hair grow out, he seems freer.

“Yeah, I am,” Luke breathes, “she’s really special and important to me, Mike.”

“I can tell,” Michael smiles. “I wanted to tell you how happy I am for the both of you and I’m glad you have each other. It’s great seeing you as yourself again, man.”

“It feels good to be myself again, I have her to thank for it. But, uh, thanks for telling me. I still think you’re going to try and beat me up,” Luke chuckles.

“I have thought about it only because of my natural protective brother instincts,” Michael laughs along, “but you’re not a tiny breadstick anymore.”

They bump fists and then hug each other tightly before splitting off in the direction of their rooms.

When Luke finds Emmy she’s just getting out of the bathroom, her hair wet and she smiles at him when she walks by.

“Couldn’t wait to shower with me?” he teases following her to the bed. She sits cross legged in the center of it.

“It was a quick one just to get the sand off. What did my brother want?”

Luke sits next to her and takes her hands in his that are resting in her lap.

“He told me he’s happy we have each other.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Luke’s eyes flicker to hers. “Which is great because there’s something I’ve been wanting to show you. . .”

He pulls out his phone and opens up his voice notes app. Emmy watches him scroll down a few until he presses play and sets his phone on her bare knee.

His singing voice croons through the speaker and the sound of the ocean waves makes it even more special as he sings:

You came and topped them all You shine in the dead of the night And I was the first to fall

Fading away, fading away Wake up to someone with nothing to say I never change, though I'd never change Then you come and change it all

With your love, your love, I'm a better, better man With your love, your love, I'm a better, better man Darling, all of my wrongs, they lead me right to you Wrapped in your arms, I swear I'd….

  When the recording stopped, Emmy stares at Luke with wide eyes as she lets the piano and the lyrics resonate in her mind. He scoots closer to her then brushes his fingers on her cheek, his eyes focused on hers.

“I love you, Emmy,” he breathes without missing a beat.

His voice is soft as petals falling to the floor and Emmy’s heart catapults in her chest. Her lips widen in a smile and she lifts herself onto her knees to give him a big kiss. Luke’s hands hold onto her lower back as he kisses her back then they fall onto the bed together.

“I love you, too Luke,” she says on his lips.

They roll over together, lips and fingers interlocked anchoring each other. Luke’s no longer a castaway adrift at sea from a broken relationship void of love. Now he’s with Emmy, his shining lighthouse who makes him the better man he was always meant to be.

• • • •

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[gerberbabey]

maybe I'm honestly falling too soon | John B. Routledge

a/n: this is technically a stand alone, but i kinda wish i did a little mini series for the Peterkin!Reader concept...oh well I’ll do that now. love the support for SUMMER, i wish it was better written but I still appreciate ya’ll.

This is technically a reader insert, but I made the reader mixed with Black and Korean. always hashing out WOC representation.

masterlist

summary: You try not to question people’s intelligence. John B saves the day. 

warnings: like rlly bad writing, underaged drinking, hints of racism and stereotyping, that part is based off of a conversation i overheard but if it’s offensive in any way and if you’d like me to take it out or change it pls let me know

♫ Down to Earth by UMI ♫

You weren’t really known to go out much. Partying with either Kooks or Pogues wasn’t the norm for you considering who your parents were. But even if your mom wasn’t the Sheriff and your dad wasn’t a teacher at Kildare County High, your personality alone wasn’t really the “partying” type. Your friends tended to label you as the “sweet” one, or even the “innocent” one. It didn’t necessarily make you mad per se, it was just a bit annoying that the entirety of your being was labelled based off of the fact that you tended to not do things. 

You didn’t label your friends for the things they did, so you found it odd that they labelled you because of the things you didn’t do. 

“Pleeeaaase (Y/N), John B and his crew throw the best keggers and you’ve only gone to like one!” 

“Nicky, I just...really don’t want to, ok?” you’d been trying to decline Nicky all day. This was the 5th time she’d brought it up today, not to mention the amount of times she’d brought it up this past week. Maybe if it had happened yesterday or even tomorrow you would’ve felt more up to it. Today didn’t feel like a good day to party. At least not to you. 

“(Y/NNNNNN)!” Nicky whined and you only sat patiently as she shook you, “Please just this once? Ok I heard that Kelce’s gonna be there and he usually avoids the Cut! This is the perfect oppurtuntiy for me to get closer to him!” 

You hated that she was using her crush on Kelce against you. You truly wouldn’t say that Nicky was either a Kook or a Pogue (you didn’t even think you were either a Kook or Pogue) but she’d developed a crush on him due to her sudden frequent attendance at the country club with her cousins. She barely spoke to him and barely had the chance to but she insisted that he was a “great guy who just get’s pressured by his asshole friends”. You supported anything Nicky did (lest it get her hurt) and Kelce had only ever been kind to you. 

“Ok...fine,” you sighed and Nicky squeed in excitement. 

“Oh my god yes! Finally!” Nicky cheered and you only rolled your eyes playfully as she tackled you into a hug. 

_____

John B casually strolled through the aisles of the grocery store. He’d been taxed with getting a few snacks to stash in the Twinkie so that they had some food of their own at the party. 

“Relax ok, I just really wants some chips.”

John B perked up at a familiar sounding voice and straightened up as you and your best friend walked around the corner of the aisle. He licked his lips as he gave you a quick look over. You were dressed in your usual aesthetic, a long high waisted skirt, a tank top that was tied to cinch at your waist, large wire framed glasses on the bridge of your nose, and your bouncy curls pushed back with a bandana in your hair.

“Oh, hey John B.” 

John B shook himself out of his stupor and flashed you a wide grin, nodding to Nicky, who only gave him a look of suspicion. 

“Hey (Y/N), what are you doing here?” That question wasn’t too out of place, you lived closer to the bigger grocery store chains than the family owned one’s in the Cut. 

“I just wanted to get some chips, Heyward’s is the only store that has the one’s I like,” you gave him a sweet smile and John B tried not to melt. 

“That’s-That’s really cool,” he stuttered and he licked his lips awkwardly as his eyebrows raised. You blinked at him, the smile on your face twisting a bit in confusion as you glanced at Nicky for a moment before looking to John B again, “I mean sorry-um...Kegger!” John B put up a hand in realization, “We’re gonna have a Kegger tonight at the Boneyard. Will I see you there?” 

“Yeah for sure,” you smiled at him and he gave you that grin that’d always made you think of the sun. You’d always thought John B was cute. Probably more than cute really. He was tall (6 foot maybe?), and his body was built ridiculously...nice for a 16 year old. Plus he was like one of the sweetest guys you’d ever met. 

“Are you gonna be manning the Keg the whole time?” you teased as you grabbed two bags of your favorite chips. Nicky took them from you, looking between you and John b from off to the side. John B scoffed at your comment.

“Nah, I’ll drag JJ to do shifts if he even tries to run away from it,” the last time they threw a Kegger, John B and Pope had been ditched to man the keg. JJ had run off with some touron and Kie was hard to say no to when she insisted it wasn’t her turn. 

“So that means you’ll save me a dance?” you bit at your bottom lip as John B looked at you in surprise. He’d always thought of the two of you as friends, you and your mom were oddly involved in his life but he didn’t mind. He wasn’t going to complain about having people give a shit about him. 

“Yeah...yeah definitely,” John B confirmed and you giggled before waving to him goodbye and leading Nicky away to go pay for your chips. John B stared at where you were standing just a second ago before he turned to watch you over his shoulder. He barely caught Nicky shaking you by the arm before the two of you disappeared around the corner of the aisle. 

________

“Is that...(Y/N)?” Pope asked, passing some random Touron a filled red solo cup. John B looked up from where he was filling up a Kook’s cup and turned to where Pope was pointing. It was indeed you. You were standing in group with a few Kooks. Nicky was standing close to Kelce, the two of them seemingly in their own world and you were stuck interacting with Topper, Rafe, and some other Kook guys he didn’t recognize. 

“Yeah,” John B confirmed and Pope glanced at him for a moment before turning his attention back to you. 

“She looks like she’s having a great time,” Pope pointed out sarcastically and John B straightened up. Pope was right, and even from this far away he could tell. You had a perplexed look you on your face as you listened to one of the ook boys talk and your body language was closed off. You had your arms wrapped around yourself and you were switching the weight of your feet back and forth. 

“Maybe you should go save her?” Pope suggested and John B turned to him. 

“Nah, nah she’s probably fine,” John B shook his head, reaching for the eg hose once again. Pope snatched it out of his hands. 

“C’mon John B, you really wanna risk that?”  Pope stated matter of factly and he cringed as he looked back to you. You looked more and more uncomfortable by the second. 

“Alright...” John B dusted his hands off on his swim trunks and began to weave through the crowd to get to you, leaving behind a grinning Pope. 

Across the way, you were trying your best not to let much show on your face but you couldn’t help but cringe at everything this guy was saying. You were pretty sure he had done a line of something (probably supplied by Rafe) but you were beginning to think you should definitely put yourself in a safer environment. You hadn’t been the most bothered by Topper or Rafe, they were usually polite to you, but when three more Kooks stepped up to you, you were left to deal with five Kooks who were all under some type of influence while Nicky talked with Kelce. 

“Y’know, you have like really nice eyes,” one of the kooks pointed to you and you smiled. 

“Oh thank you-”

“They’re like real narrow. Do you put like make up on?” That threw you off guard and your mouth drpped open in shock at the question. Topper hit the boy in the chest and the Kook shot him a look of confusion, “What man?”

“Dude you can’t say that shit,” Rafe laughed and you were uncomfortable with the idea that he found it funny for a different reason other then idiocy. 

“What she’s got like real narrow eyes. So what how do you do that?” 

“Well um-” you stammered, “I’m just...Asian?” 

“Wait you’re Asian?” one of the other boys cried out, “I thought you were black?” 

Rafe snorted at that and you could feel the discomfort in your chest increase. 

“I-I am black. My mom’s black and my dad’s Korean...” you explained. Your cheeks burned and your palms were clammy due to your nerves. 

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry...” the first boy laughed, “Wait, I swear I’m not racist or anything. You’re gorgeous.” 

You wondered how your beauty had anything to do with his questions about your race. 

“Like, my sister’s just always talking about like fox eyes or whatever and she’d probably love to have eyes like yours.”

You sucked in a breath at that. Could this guy be anymore cluelessly offensive? At this point you were beginning to question his intelligence altogether. But you weren’t a confrontational person and the thought of calling him out on his bullshit terrified you. You also definitely weren’t in a position to act brave. 

“Uh hey! (Y/N)?” you turned in shock and almost cried out in relief at the sight of John B calling you. 

“What do you want Pogue?” Rafe hissed out and you looked up at him before rushing over to John B. 

“Oh hey John B, I was actually looking for you, sorry guys,” you barely turned to look back at the circle of Kooks before you were leading John B away by the hand, completely ignoring Rafe’s calls. 

When you were a good ways away, and a little closer to where the keg was, you stopped and put a hand on your chest. you let out a laugh of disbelief as you looked up at John B. He looked down at you in confusion, your fingers still intertwined with his.

“Jeez you seriously saved me,” you breathed and John B’s eyebrows raised. 

“Were they doing something-” he looked back over to the boys but you only waved it off. 

“No no, one of them was just...making me lose brain cells,” you laughed, though John B could tell see the discomfort on your face. 

“Doesn’t seem like nothing,” John B pointed out and you only scoffed. 

“I’m used to it at this point,” John B wondered what “it” was. 

“Hey (Y/N)! What’s up?” the two of you turned to Kie as the girl walked up to you, a wide grin brightening her expression. 

“Nothing much just, being a damsel in distress,” you looked up at John B with a teasing smile and he rolled his eyes. 

“I literally only called your name,” he recalled and you laughed. 

“And that saved me, the damsel, from my distress!” you reassured. 

Kie chuckled despite her confusion. She gave a pointed smile at your guys’s hands but the two of you were too distracted by one another. Kie wondered when John B was finally gonna tell you he liked you. 

“You guys are real cute,” Kie laughed and the two of you looked at her with wide eyes. Kie regretted opening her mouth as John B realized the two of you were still holding hands. He quickly pulled his hands out of yours, wiping his sweaty palms onto his shorts. You looked a little disheartened as your hands came forward to fidget on the knot of your shirt. 

“Nevermind,” Kie mumbled. She shook her ehad before walking away from the two of you to go help Pope with the Keg. You watched her walk away, the tips of your ears feeling hot. 

Your fingers fidgeted with one another as you looked up at John B from the corner of your eye.

“So um...” John B turned to you, “I think you owe me a dance?” you smiled and a smile began to stretch across his face. You couldn’t help but notice how his eyes were smiling too and the stretch of his cheeks caused his freckles to shift. 

“Would you like to dance?” John B questioned you and you pretended to think. 

“Hmm I don’t know, the guy who’s asking me to dance is being kinda...dry about it,” you pretended to cringe and John B rolled his eyes. 

He stepped back away from you and turned you so that two of you were facing one another rather than standing side by side. He held out a hand and you glanced between it and his expression. You tilted your head giving him raised brows and he laughed before getting down onto one knee. He put one arm behind his back and offered a hand out to you as you laughed at his antics. 

“Lady (Y/N) may I please have this dance?” he asked loudly and a few people chuckled as they watched him. You looked away, your cheeks burning as you tried to stop yourself from geeking out. You looked back at him again, biting at your cheek as you placed a hand into his. 

“Why of course,” you confirmed and John B hopped up to his feet before leading you into the middle of the dancing bodies. You weren’t to sure what song was playing but the bass was loud and the energy was high in that medium sized pocket of dancing people. 

You made a graceful turn, John B’s hand still in yours, and pressed your back up against John B’s front. The two of you swayed to the beat of the song as John B let go of your hand to put his hands on your skirt clad hips. He pressed himself close to you and you threw your curls over to your right side so he could lean his face down close to yours. 

The two of you grinned at each other as the song moved your body for you. 

“Those two are...definitely in love,” Pope pointed out, taking a sip from his drink. 

“Absolutely,” Kie nodded as she copied Pope’s actions. 

The two of them ignored JJ’s whines about the keg as they watched you and John B dance. 

will this be a series? who knows.....

[havethetimeofyourstyles]

We’ll Be Alright

So I started writing this in November, kinda basing it off of the Zane Lowe interview, and stopped midway. But then I decided to finish it up yesterday and as I was rereading everything, this whole thing is very fine line!! so I recommend listening to fine line when you see the break: ••• is when you should start the song so it lines up!

*gif not mine*

It’s been a while.

Too long, in fact.

You feel like you’ve just experienced a series full of emotion and heartbreak, and you’re not quite ready to let go yet. Not ever.

Your chest feels like it’s carrying a ton of weight and you can’t quite put the feeling at ease. Everything was so simple, yet so chaotic. You wonder at the pain you’ve felt for years that if you’ll get a break from the uttermost feeling that’s been tearing you apart.

And you’ve been counting down the days when you’ll finally hear your heart beating rather than it breaking. When you’ll finally take that breath of fresh air instead of drowning. When you’ll finally be okay.

Truly okay.

You take a breath as you step onto the doormat that you used to call home; you feel your life coming back to you. All the memories that lie on the other side of the door, recalling in your mind as you reminisce on what was once yours.

Mornings with Harry were your favorite. How you would wake up a tad bit earlier than he would. You would lie on your side and admire how he looked in the early morning: so peaceful, calm, and safe. And sometimes before he would wake up, you would go downstairs to make both of you a cup, only for Harry to wake up and not feel you beside him.

“Ahh! Harry!” You squeal in surprise as Harry sneaks up from behind you and wraps his arms around your waist.

“Hello, my love.” He says in a raspy voice. You turn in his arms so you’re facing him. You’ve always loved the raspiness in his voice, especially in the morning. You don’t say anything, but smile at him. He smiles back and kisses you. The feeling of the kiss always seemed like it being the first ever. You loved the feeling of kissing him; it brought you back to the time of when it all started. You could do it forever.

Being with him was everything and more. The relationship was loving, supportive, and simply amazing. You didn’t know how lucky you got. How you’ve managed to get a guy like him. Being with him was so simple. Until it wasn’t.

“Don’t walk away from me! We’re not even close to being done here.” You say as he walks out of the room and down the stairs, you follow. “Hey!” Harry finally turns around as he’s feet away from walking out.

“I’m tired of this. We both need time to cool off. I don’t need this right now.”

“You don’t need this right now? That’s basically you saying you don’t need ME right now. We both promised to talk things through. This isn’t talking things through.” He looks at you for a moment and takes in your appearance: your lips are wobbling with tears threatening to spill out any second. You were right: you both promised to not walk out when times like this happened. For fucks sake, he was the one who brought up that promise. But he was right: he didn’t need this right now.

“I’ll be back later.”

You remembered that night clear as day. You waited for him the whole night, snuggled up on the couch as you looked for a movie or show to distract yourself from the pain you had to endure. All you wanted was for him to come home and be in his arms, telling you that everything was going to be okay; that you both will be okay, but you woke up to puffy eyes and damped cheeks as the door slammed shut at 6 am.

“Harry-”

“You’re still here.” He says straight away.

“I-Of course I’m still here. I was waiting for you all night.”

“Yeah, well, no one asked you to wait for me.” He says rudely.

“I was worried about you and was wondering where you were, and this is what I get?” Harry knew you were right. You were always right.

“You’re right. I’m sorry, you didn’t deserve everything that happened in the last 12 hours.” You were quite shocked at his apology because he doesn’t usually apologize straight away.

“Thank you for apologizing. But Harry, please talk to-”

“We have to talk about something.” He interrupts. You stay silent because of the fact that you have no idea what he might say right now. He takes the silence as the urge to keep going.

“We should end this.”

•••

You hear the door open and behind it was none other than the love of your life.

“Hey.” Harry looks amazing, as always. He’s wearing a colored checkered shirt with various food items on it, a white tank underneath, and some brown pants. You can see his swallows above his tank, with a bit of chest hair that you know he’s been growing out for some time. His hair looks amazing, which isn’t a surprise.

It feels like your breath has been taken away all over again just seeing how gorgeous he looks right now. He never fails to take it away.

“Hi.” You say softly.

“Come in.” He steps back slightly, opening the door wider to let you into his Malibu home that you both once shared. The memories that sit in the house suddenly hits you like a ton of bricks as you walk through his house. Everything from the beginning to the end; when you first stepped into the house to the last. Your eyes well up at the day of leaving his house for good.

“Would you like anything to drink?” He breaks from your thoughts. Harry can clearly see that you’re emotional being here, and nothing pains him more than seeing you cry.

“Just water is fine, thank you.” He nods and heads towards the kitchen. The tension between you two is so thick you feel as if you’re going to pass out. He comes back with a tall glass and hands it to you.

“Would you like to sit in the back?” He asks shyly. All you can think about is how he asked the exact same question when you first came over. So you nod your head and follow him to the patio. And of course, the first thing you see is the ocean you watched everyday, lying below the sun that is almost ready to start setting.

“How’ve you been?” You and Harry are sitting on the same side of the picnic table that overlooks the beautiful view of Malibu.

“I’ve been okay. Just been working and started working out lately. How are you?” You ask in return.

“That’s great. And I’ve been good. The album is done. Just waiting for the release day to come.”

“I’m happy for you.” You say truthfully. All you wanted was for Harry to be happy, and if he is then you’re happy.

He smiles at you in appreciativeness and you smile back with neither of you saying anything. Just enjoying the presence of something other than work. And it’s then when you realize just how much you’ve missed him. Sitting in front of him brought back all the times you had together. How you’ve missed having conversations with him and when there’s nothing left to talk about, he would just stare at you and admire your beauty, and you would do the same.

“I’m sorry for everything that happened.” He breaks the silence. “I know you’re gonna tell me to stop thinking about what’s best for you and to not make decisions for us both, but I hope you understand why I did it.”

“Y-You’re breaking up with me?” Harry doesn’t say anything as he looks down. “Just after a small argument, you decided you just want to end us?”

“Hey, me ending this is not over what happened last night. I’m doing it because it’s for the best.”

“Okay, please enlighten me on what you think the ‘best’ is.” You cross your arms. Harry sighed in frustration, not knowing how he’s going to put his heartbreak into words.

“I hear you, yknow? I hear you cry almost every night when you think I’m asleep. I know you cry about the fans, the media, and how I’m not home that often. But this is my job, I can’t do anything about it whether you want me to or not.”

“So that makes you entitled to decide what's best for our relationship? Harry, I can handle this. I’ve been handling it for the last 3 years, so don’t say you know what’s best for me.”

“But I do, don’t I? We both promised each other that when it got too much, we would tell each other. And it’s gotten too much, AND you failed to tell me.” He rubs his face as he tries not to break into tears. “I don’t want you crying anymore. Not about my career. I hate seeing you like this.” You see his eyes well up with tears, and it’s enough to make you break.

You take deep breaths as you’re trying not to sob loudly in front of him. He was right; it’s gotten way too out of hand that you’ve become remotely sad at everything.

Your breaths have become loud and heavy. He quickly walks towards you and wraps his arms around you; something you’ve wanted for the past 12 hours. Once he’s got you in his hold, you proceed to let it all out and cry into his chest.

“Shh.” He kisses your head and sways you, in attempts to calm you down.

“I’m- I’m just so tired.” You’re practically putty in his hold and without his arms around you, you could easily fall onto the ground. Harry sits both of you down into the couch without unwrapping himself from you.

“I know, baby. I know.”

You take a deep breath in. “I’m so tired.” You exhale heavily. “I’m tired, Harry.” You repeat into his chest, tiredly. Your head feels like it’s been pounding for the past week from all the crying, and all you want is for it to stop.

Harry can physically feel his heart break as he sees you completely lose yourself in front of him. It’s a sight that he wishes to never see again: you in physical, mental, and emotional pain.

“I understand why now. It would’ve been much worse if we had let it dragged on. Although it hurt like a bitch to hear that you were breaking up with me and I hated knowing you were making the decision for the both of us, I understand why it was for the best.” Harry nods.

“I want you to go through life being a little less worried, because ultimately everything will be okay.” You nodded, not just for the sake of it, but you agreed. You feel tears streaming down your face slowly, and you’re quick to wipe them. “I knew the pressure was getting to you and I know you didn’t want to say anything, which is why I broke things off.” It was true. The media and the fans were getting to your head, but of course you didn’t tell Harry. You didn’t want to make it seem like you couldn’t handle it.

“I agree. I see why you did it now, which is why I got into contact with you. I guess I just needed closure, in a way, and I wanted to see you.” Harry blushes at the last comment.

“You needed closure? Have you been dating?” He asks shyly.

“Oh god, no. I just needed closure to keep going. I’ve held in so much heartbreak for the last six months and I just needed to see you to reassure me that everything will be okay.” Which was true. Call it pathetic, but you do need to be told by your ex boyfriend that things will be okay. “Have you been dating?” You ask nervously.

“Uhh, I’ve been on two. Neither going anywhere passed the first date.” He chuckles softly and you feel nothing but relief.

“It’s difficult to move on from us.” You say honestly.

“We had an amazing time together, didn’t we?” He smiles.

“Yeah, we did.” You nodded as you wiped a tear quickly. “Can I ask you something?” You ask. You look out at the horizon, seeing the sun setting for the day.

“Anything.”

“Do you still… love me?” You ask slowly, dragging it out as you hoped the answer you weren’t looking for wouldn’t be said so quickly.

“Yeah, I do, yeah.” You look up at him, surprised and relieved by his answer. “Don’t think I would ever stop loving you, if I’m being honest. You were...are the best. The greatest person I’ve ever come to know.” You nod, taking in what he said. You feel so much weight being lifted off your shoulders and all you want to do is jump into his arms and kiss his face all over for the amount days you went without it.

“I… I just miss us.” You say as you look down onto your lap. The waves crashing onto the shore that can be heard over the conversation, seeming to calm you in some way.

He nods in agreement. “Don’t worry about it. Everything’s going to be fine.” You nodded again as you sniffle. You don’t trust your voice. You knew you would burst into tears if you spoke a single word.

Harry opens his arms and slides slightly on the bench towards you, and you slide forward, meeting him halfway. You wrap your arms around his waist and his arms around your shoulders. Your right cheek resting against his chest and your head fitting into his neck as you hear his heartbeat while both of you are facing the ocean.

You walked into Harry’s home feeling your heart break, but you’re walking out with your heart being reassured that it’s time to start healing. Whatever happens between the both of you, your heart would be okay for yourself and for Harry. You sigh deeply in contentment, missing the way he holds you. And Harry has never felt more relieved than this moment as he finally feels your presence against his.

But just like the ocean, Harry and his words helped you feel safe and calm. Just like the ocean, yours and Harry’s relationship went through tidal waves to the calming and beauty of how the ocean is. And just like the ocean, the love that is shared between the two of you will never run out. The love will always be powerful and beautiful forever.

After a few minutes, Harry lets go, causing you to frown slightly at how quick your moment with him was. But he places his hands on the side of your face, his thumbs caressing your cheek as the rest are laying on the side of your neck. He looks at you and is in awe of how beautiful you are, even after crying. He smiles at you and all you want is for his lips to meet yours, but you’re met with his words that start the process of your healing:

“We’re going to be alright.”

feel free to request anything!

MASTERLIST

[bitterlikesweets]

Love Bites Special Ch

This is a special chapter of a modern/vampire AU ereri fanfic. It's a bit of an extra, in the form of Levi recapping the entire story so far. You can also read it on Ao3. 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | Special

Next

~1~

Levi would rather die than admit this to anyone, but the first thing that went through his mind when he met Eren was, Shit, this guy is my type.

No, really. Isabel was collapsed on the floor at Levi's feet, Mikasa was practically frothing at the mouth, and Levi was thinking, Shit, this guy is my type.

Then he saw the vague outline of fangs through Eren's lips, and thoughts about the random guy's attractiveness were no longer on Levi's radar.

He was a new vampire; that much was clear. For his fangs to be so visible, he probably hadn't had blood in a long time. Only new fools were that stubborn.

New vampires were Levi's least favorite kind. Immature. Irresponsible. Always a pain to deal with. And Isabel had already angered Eren and his friend, leaving Levi in charge of damage control. Seriously, would it have been that hard for her to write out the three extra letters that made "no gar" into "no garlic?"

This certainly wasn't how he expected a vampire to taste his blood for the first time, but Levi knew that there were worse ways. Still, that didn't make him particularly pleased about having to use a kitchen knife to poke a hole in his damn wrist. While sullenly bringing the liquid to the vampire in a wine glass—he wasn't sure if the vampire's friends knew, and he preferred to be careful—Levi thought that the shitty vampire better not waste a single drop.

By the end of the night, Levi's last impression of Eren was this:

What kind of dumbass vampire turns down free blood?

~2~

Levi thought Eren running out of Kuchel's Kitchen like his life depended on it would be the last Levi ever saw of him. He seemed less than pleased about Levi giving him a glass of blood, though Levi wasn't sure if that was the shock of being found out or Levi's blood tasting like a pile of dog shit. If it did, that'd answer the questions Levi had about the origins of the rumor of poisonous Ackerman blood. If he had a drink of something that tasted like dog shit, he'd think it was poison too.

So, Isabel walking into their breakroom with Eren in tow was certainly a surprise. But what was most surprising to Levi was when he told Eren to just go and drink some blood like a normal vampire and the response was—

“No! I… Anything but that. Please.”

How long had it been since Levi had met a vampire who didn’t want to drink blood? Someone who didn’t seem like they wanted to be a vampire? Hanji was thrilled about their undead status, and Erwin had lived a long enough life as one to learn to accept it. And these days, only those who wanted a taste of immortality, a taste of that sort of power, got turned. Drinking a bit of blood was part of the deal they agreed to sign up for. Something wasn’t right with this kid. Levi just wasn’t sure what it was.

“If I knew who they were, they’d be fucking dead.”

The dark expression. The anger. Levi had seen that look on only two people’s faces before. One of them was himself. He knew immediately that it was likely a feral attack. But that didn’t make sense either because all ferals were under the King. Their victims either didn’t make it or were recruited for that sick fuck’s cause, and yet somehow Eren was right here…

When Eren started his story by talking about his mom, Levi’s stomach dropped. Eren’s voice was shaking, his body was trembling, and it felt like Levi was staring at himself from all those years ago, except at least Levi was given the mercy of not becoming the creature that took his mother away—

Levi reached out to touch Eren without even thinking. When Eren blinked up at him with those big green eyes, brimming with tears… Fuck, Levi had no idea what had gotten into him. His chest was squeezing like someone’s fist was in his ribcage, trying to choke out his heart. It was unfamiliar, it was strange. He just got this overwhelming urge to do something, to help. It was the feeling he got when he found Furlan left for dead in a basement, when he saw Isabel curled up in the corner of a vampire hideout. He wanted to save, to protect, but this was different because it’s not like the brat was in danger, so Levi had no idea why the urge was so damn strong.

“What are you doing?” Eren asked. He still had tear tracks on his cheeks.

I don’t know, Levi thought.

“Someone has to teach you how to be a vampire,” was what Levi said out loud. “This is step one.”

Eren looked miserable, even as he grabbed hold of Levi’s wrist. There was a piercing ache in Levi’s arm, but it faded at the same moment that Eren’s expression finally relaxed a bit, and Levi let out a quiet sigh of relief. Though whether the relief came from the pain going away or from knowing he had helped Eren, even a little, Levi wasn’t sure.

~3~

Every time Levi touched Eren, he felt like he needed to justify it for himself. He curled his fingers into Eren’s hair because it was a simple way to let him know it was time to stop drinking. That was the only reason.

He tried not to think about how his words also would have done the job just fine.

Levi distracted himself with the littlest things. He watched the little bite marks in his wrist become scars, busying his mind with what would be a miracle for most people. He knew what vampire saliva could do, but he’d never seen it used on himself.

“Alright, kid—”

“Eren.”

“...What?”

“Eren. My name.”

Eren bounced back fast. He fell abruptly in that hole of misery until he was in tears, and he’d already climbed far enough out of it to be a bit snappy with Levi. Levi felt like he should be annoyed, but the only emotion brewing within him was a bit of amusement, so he let it slide.

Eren’s look of panic when Levi tossed a wooden stake at him was pretty amusing too.

They argued for a bit—if it could even be called an argument—over Levi’s status as a vampire hunter and his various weapons concealed around the room. It was almost amazing how different Eren looked with a bit of blood in him. He was no longer that skinny, stressed, starving vampire Levi met a week ago. Without thinking, Levi reached out and tugged on Eren’s cheek, trying to see if he could still see the outline of Eren’s fangs. Even with the skin pulled taut, there wasn’t even a bump. His fangs were back to regular size. Good.

Things were good like that. He could’ve left it that way. But Levi’s curiosity got the better of him, and he asked something he shouldn’t have—insinuated something he shouldn’t have.

“Are you trying to say I killed my mom?”

That wasn't what he meant at all, though he could see how Eren's mind went there.

Perhaps Levi was calmer than he should have been about a vampire tossing a table across the room. But Eren clearly just didn’t know what he was doing or what he was capable of. The urges came back again—help, protect, do something.

And by the time Eren left, the vampire was okay again. Levi didn’t know if he actually helped or if Eren had some magic ability to bounce back from pure panic within minutes. Either way, he was glad it worked out. It was far easier to jokingly threaten the brat with a stake than it was to try and comfort him. Levi wasn’t great at the pep talks and the hugging and all the shit Hanji usually nagged him about for not being able to do.

Though it did seem a bit easier to do for Eren. For some reason.

Well, Eren managed a smile on the way out. That’s what mattered. Flashed his shitty sharp fangs at Levi in the process too. Goofy brat.

~4~

“So, you’re kinda sweet on that Eren guy, aren’t you?”

Levi paused with his soapy hands deep in the sink, aiming a glare at Furlan from across the kitchen. Furlan was putting on his apron as Petra stripped off her kitchen attire, preparing for their change in shifts. Petra’s eyes immediately lit up at the sound of Levi being “sweet on” Eren. Which he wasn’t. What does that really mean anyway?

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Levi asked.

“You know,” Furlan said, “offering to teach him about vampires and stuff.”

Levi rolled his eyes and brought his focus back to the dirty dishes.

“Would you prefer that I let him go feral?”

“Who’s Eren?” Petra asked, sliding over to Levi, who kept his gaze locked on the sink.

“Nobody,” Levi replied.

“A vampire that Levi’s taking in,” Furlan said. “Seems like Levi’s type. You know. Tall, bright eyes…”

Petra’s eyes brightened and she leaned even closer, drumming her fingers on the kitchen counter. Levi just sighed and tried to ignore her.

“It’s rare for you to take in a vampire,” Petra said. “What do you two usually get up to? Is he going to start working here? What’s he like? Oh, are you two going to—”

“Petra.”

“...Yes?”

“I’ve known Eren for two weeks. There’s nothing happening. I’m not ‘sweet’ on anybody or whatever shit Furlan said. Stop asking.”

Petra deflated in disappointment and Levi sighed, scrubbing more furiously at the dirty dishes. Furlan let his hands rest on his hips, still grinning.

“But he is your type, isn’t he?”

"Furlan—"

“What’s this about Levi’s type?” Isabel piped up, only her head poking through the door. She must have just arrived for work. “Are we trying to get him laid? ‘Cause Levi’s special brand of ‘I-don’t-care-about-you-but-we-can-bang’ is usually only endearing when he’s drunk—”

A plate snapped in half beneath Levi's soap-covered hands.

“Get to work before I fire every single one of you.”

As the three employees went running, Levi questioned why he surrounded himself with these fucking idiots.

~5~

Eren was blood drunk. At first, it was kind of amusing, and for a moment the word 'cute' may have crossed Levi's mind. Eren was asking him why Levi was the one that looked more like a vampire out of the two of them, which of course Levi didn't have the answer to. It was funny, endearing, and it helped clear Levi's mind of the somber reasons why he let Eren bite him. He loved and missed his mother, but sometimes thinking of her was… too much. Even now. Even after all this time.

So, Levi was grateful for the little distraction that was blood drunk Eren.

…At least until Eren puked blood into Levi's potted plant.

Everything that happened after that was… blurry. He remembers rushing over to Eren, cradling his unconscious body with one arm as he called Erwin and Hanji with his free hand. This had never happened before. Levi didn't know what to do. Levi really, really disliked not knowing what to do, especially when he had a blacked-out vampire with a bump the size of an apple on his head.

Levi knew so much about vampires. Their habits, their needs, their rules, their history—

And yet now, when he truly needed to know something, some obscure fact about their strange bodies, Levi was at a loss. He didn't know. He didn't know what to do. He didn't have the answers. He felt fucking useless. After his mother died, he wanted to learn everything, to replace every lie with truth. He never wanted to be caught off guard by a vampire again because look what not knowing the truth about their strange aversion to Ackerman blood had led to—

It was blurry. What Levi did while waiting. According to Hanji and Erwin, he'd been "petting Eren like a dog" the whole time. And Eren was lying on the table by the time those two got there, so Levi must have moved him too.

Levi really doesn't remember much. He remembers thinking about his mom, about how he'd failed to protect her. In hindsight, he knows he shouldn't have been so worried about Eren, that it wasn't to that scale. Levi wasn't sure then what made him panic so much. He's still not all that sure now. It was instinct and old memories that pushed him forward. That's all he knows for sure.

Levi was just so, so glad when Eren opened his eyes again.

If those two nosy fucking geezers hadn't been in the room, he might have even let it show on his face.

~6~

Eren's whole face turned red and Levi wasn't sure why. They were just talking about what to do in response to Eren's health issues. Eren said that they needed to meet every day, and Levi tried to make plans according to that. Then suddenly Eren was talking about how he didn't want to be a bother or for Levi to go out of his way for nothing—which was stupid because it was not for nothing. There was a clear reason. He was doing this for Eren.

When Levi told him as much, Eren's whole face turned red. Levi had no idea what it was about his words that caused such a reaction.

And Hanji interrupted before he was able to find out why. Then the conversation strayed to the hunters of old, from Erwin's time, but hunting of that scale was the last thing Levi wanted to think about while surrounded by friendly vampires. That was his family legacy: murder of innocent creatures whose crime was being born—well, turned is the proper word.

It was a good thing he ended it when he did. But then that got Levi thinking about how things ended—

Erwin probably sensed it. He may be as much of a nosy little shit as Hanji, but at least he knows when to leave.

When it was just Eren and Levi again, Levi thought of his mother, of Ackerman blood. He broached the idea to Eren—the idea that this might be his fault. Maybe Ackerman blood wasn't deadly, but that doesn't mean that it was good or safe. It could still be dangerous, harmful.

“...Are we still going to try?”

Ackerman blood could be just like Levi.

“I just told you that my blood might be making you sick.”

But Eren just… didn't seem to care.

“But it’s not like you’re sure. And what’s the worst that can happen? You said I won’t die, so if I end up throwing up again, we’ll figure out something then.”

So worried about bothering Levi, so nonchalant about Levi being a possible bother to him.

“You’re the one who told me you’re not going to back out of our deal. I already gave you an out, and you decided not to take it.”

Eren's grin was so bright. Nearly blinding.

Levi's mouth said annoying, idiot, shitty brat, because that's what he was used to. That's what he knew. But inside his chest, something… different was swirling. It was warm and hazy and made him feel… calm and stressed at the same time. What the fuck was that? Was he getting sick?

Levi just decided to push it to the back of his mind. He didn't like unknowns, but this… for some reason, he felt like for now, he might just be better off not knowing.

He'd be seeing Eren every day soon anyway. He'd have more time to think over this weird sickness then.

~7~

Levi just kept touching Eren without thinking. He didn't know how to stop himself, how to get back to the normal distance he kept with everyone else. His hands in Eren's hair were quickly becoming a habit, and he didn't know what to do about it.

Somehow there were always new things he didn't know with Eren.

“Why don’t you just stay my partner?”

Why?

Levi didn't know.

Why? Because Levi didn't know how long this tenuous friendship would last. Because they had started this with the intention of passing that duty onto Eren's two friends. Because… Because…

Because Levi had never thought about that. Being somebody's partner. Being Eren's partner. Because he felt like the idea of being a permanent blood bag should bother him but somehow it didn't sound so bad. Because he was getting that hazy sickness in his chest again and he didn't know why, and why the fuck would Eren want a vampire hunter to be his partner anyway?

“I doubt you really want that."

That was the best answer Levi could come up with and it wasn't an answer, really. It was a dodge, a way out of his own head.

He needed ways out because, unlike Eren, once Levi fell into that hole, he was very, very bad at bouncing back out.

As evidenced by Levi still being a stiff mess the next day too.

Luckily, the day after that, things were better.

“Have you ever thought about getting turned?”

The answer was no, although when he was a kid he may have considered it because of the strength and the power. But that was before his mother and he hadn't thought about it since. Even if he did, it wasn't like anyone would agree to help him turn.

"It's in everyone's best interest that I die someday."

Levi said it without thinking, really. It was a fact of life, one he'd known for a long time. The hunter line would end with him, and vampires would be much better off for it.

As long as he gets his final job done before he dies.

But Eren just looked so upset by Levi's words. He was staring, forlorn, at the table, brown hair spilling over his shoulders and obscuring some of his face. Green eyes narrowed, brows furrowed, and a barely held back frown—fuck, Eren looked so miserable.

Levi tried to lighten the mood with a little joke. Asked if the brat was going to miss him, just to tease, to get those green eyes to shine again.

“Yeah, maybe I fucking will!"

The hazy sickness came back fast and strong except there was less of the stress and more amusement, more warmth. And Levi's heart throbbed in his chest, violent enough for him to feel it and recognize it. He was getting sicker, getting worse.

...Though, as far as illnesses go, this one didn't feel too bad.

What did feel bad was talking about his mother the next day.

“Is Kuchel your mom’s name?”

It should have been such an innocent question. It should have been something easy for Levi to answer, but instead, he tensed, his mind going dark. It was the anger, the frustration, that flared out first, and he practically shoved the vampire’s head onto his wrist to get Eren to shut up.

But then reason hit, and Levi loosened his grip on Eren’s hair. It wasn’t Eren’s fault. How many years had it been already? Fifteen, sixteen years since that day? He should be able to hear her name—his fucking restaurant is named after her for fuck’s sake. He should—no, he needed to be able to talk about it.

And what better time than now, with this vampire that inexplicably seemed to set him at ease?

But it was hard. It’s still hard. He distracted himself by focusing on Eren’s movements, Eren’s hands still wrapped around his forearm. Eren’s lips on his wrist, even after Levi signaled that he had enough blood for the day. Eren’s soft hair beneath his fingertips.

When it got harder, when Levi felt himself falling into that hole, when he struggled to breathe, Eren caught him—or his hand at least, as it fell away from Eren’s head.

When was the last time he talked about it—about her, about that day? When was the last time he thought about the details, when he mentioned how he felt at that time?

Why was he talking about it now, with Eren?

Levi looked up and met Eren’s eyes, seeing pain and shadows flickering through green eyes. Maybe he just hoped that Eren understood. Maybe, because his experience was so similar, Levi thought Eren could understand.

As it turns out, Eren understood better than Levi ever could have hoped he would.

“Tell me the best way to kill a vampire.”

~8~

Levi took Eren to his house. He learned how to fight in his uncle’s living room. Now he would teach Eren how to fight in his own living room.

It almost made Levi want to laugh, the ways he still followed in that man’s footsteps, despite everything that happened. He supposed he just didn’t know any other way of doing things. And well, and it wasn’t like the old guy was wrong about everything.

It was too bad he happened to be wrong about the important things.

When Levi threw Eren the knife, something clicked. Holding the knife in his own hand too. Something about it was… good. He was alert, his mind clear. It was like he was on a mountaintop, getting his first breath of clean air.

Except he was in a house in the suburbs, sparring with a vampire wielding a wooden knife.

“Try to kill me.”

“...What?”

Levi almost wanted to smile.

“Ten.”

“Levi—”

“Nine.”

Eren was holding his blade like that shitty-ass knife doll from a horror movie Isabel was into. Eren gripped the handle so tightly that his knuckles were white, the blade raised above his head and the would-be sharp end of the wooden knife facing himself.

Stiff. Impulsive. Easy to dodge. Not to mention his clumsy run—so much wasted movement.

Levi probably enjoyed taking Eren down a bit too much. But adrenaline—no, excitement, surged through his veins for even this poor excuse for a fight. He hadn’t had to hunt a single creature in over a year, and he had missed this, missed the movement, the—literal and figurative—stakes, the chance to use his strength.

“Again.”

Eren complained the whole time, but he refused to stop. Levi doubted that they were feeling equal amounts of enjoyment, but he assumed that Eren didn’t hate the whole ordeal, or it would have taken the brat much less than an hour to give up.

Though, it wasn’t as though Eren actually gave up.

The vampire was a blur of brown for a moment. Levi’s body registered what was happening before his mind did, his hands coming up to block as Eren raced towards him, fangs first—

And then Eren stopped, just inches from Levi. Eren covered his mouth with his hands, apologizing behind them and stepping away from Levi when the man tried to meet Eren’s gaze. And Levi didn’t understand why Eren looked so upset. That was a good reminder; Eren wasn’t a human. He had advantages that Levi didn’t, advantages that Eren could use to get the revenge he desired. Levi tried to tell Eren as much, tried to tell him that this was good, that this was how they should practice from now on.

“No.”

“No?”

“I don’t—I don’t want to practice like that.”

It happened so fast. Eren was standing, looking shaken but otherwise alright. Then green eyes squeezed shut, and he trembled, dropping into a low crouch on the floor. Levi followed him down, trying to gauge what was wrong, what was happening.

“Eren?”

A muffled whimper slipped from behind Eren’s hands. His eyes squeezed shut tighter, hunching over, curling in on himself. Levi didn’t understand, but concern flooded every ounce of him, and he quickly moved closer, hands held helplessly out in front of himself, at a loss of what to do. He wasn’t—this wasn’t what Levi was meant for. A pat on the head or on the arm was one thing, but it didn’t seem like that would suffice for this, and oh shit there were little drops spilling from Eren’s closed eyes—

“Eren!”

Eren’s eyes opened, glossy, downcast. His hands slowly fell to his sides.

“I don’t—I don’t want to fight like that. Like them.”

“Okay,” Levi said, and his voice came out quiet, gentle, more so than he’d ever heard it. It startled him.

Eren mumbled more worried words. His eyes were looking at Levi, but they were clouded, like he wasn’t truly seeing the man in front of him, and fuck, Levi needed to do something—

And all of a sudden Levi’s arms were around Eren’s back, tugging him closer, pulling him to rest against Levi. Levi felt hands at his waist, fists grabbing at the fabric of his shirt. Levi just held him tighter, pulled him closer, as close as he could.

“Am I a monster?”

Eren—lively, energetic, idiotic Eren—his voice was so quiet.

No, of course not. Fuck no, a million times no.

What Levi managed to actually say out loud was only marginally calmer than that.

Eren sagged against him, and Levi could feel a face nuzzling into his shoulder, the hands at his waist pulling even more of Levi’s shirt into those fists.

“Don’t wanna be like them,” Eren mumbled.

“You won’t be. You won’t be.”

Levi swore to himself right there that he would make sure of it. Whatever that took.

~9~

When Eren pulled away from him, Levi didn’t really want to let him go. He let Eren move back—of course, he did, he had to—but it took all he had not to hang onto Eren’s shoulders and keep him there.

This was… not good.

This… whatever the fuck it was, it was… It was a lot. It was overwhelming. Levi nearly felt like he didn’t have any control over himself, and he didn’t know what was fucking causing it. He had never felt anything like it before.

Levi clenched his hands into fists. Whatever it was, he had to put it away. He needed control, he needed stability, at least for right now. Whatever this fucking feeling was—currently manifesting itself as a wave of relief due to Eren’s now dry eyes—was something Levi would have to worry about later. He had bigger things to worry about than the mess going on in his chest.

Like whether or not Eren still wanted to do this whole revenge thing.

And Eren said that he did still want to. With no vampire abilities. No powers. No advantages. Like a fucking idiot.

Levi didn’t know how they were going to manage this, but he’d just have to make it work.

And then, for some reason, Eren was thanking him.

“You really… I mean… I don’t know how to explain it except to say that you’re basically spoiling me. I haven’t done anything in return. If there’s anything I can do—”

“No,” Levi said immediately. The word came out without his own permission. Levi looked away, trying to get a grip on his own fucking head again.

“No?”

“You don’t need to—” Fuck, what was he even trying to say right now? “I’m not doing this just for you to pay me back later.”

“Then why are you doing it?”

Good fucking question. Levi didn’t really know why he was doing anything these days. All he knew was that he just kept doing things for Eren, thinking about Eren, trying to help Eren without any fucking reason why. And it felt so different from when he was with other people. Levi just didn’t get it. If Levi were anyone else, doing the things he was fucking doing, he’d think the person was nothing better than another lovestruck idiot—

Shit.

Wait.

No.

That wasn’t—

If it was anyone else but Levi. Levi wasn’t—Levi never—Levi didn’t do love. It was not on his radar. Love was the bullshit that had Furlan pulling into his driveway at midnight to complain about some terrible date. It was the stuff that made Petra lean over his shoulder in the kitchen to whisper gossip about her co-workers’ romantic relationships. It was irrational nothingness that Levi never wanted any part of. It was something so lacking in his life that Isabel started slipping articles—which she looked up and printed out, the little shit—about being aromantic into his mailbox. (She pretended it wasn’t her, but Levi’s not an idiot, and the only other extreme meddler in his life—Hanji—would just have told him about the concept face to face).

Love—romantic love—was not something Levi felt. Ever. End of discussion. Levi just related to Eren, saw himself in Eren. Levi wanted to help him the same way he wanted to help everyone who currently worked at Kuchel’s Kitchen. That was it.

When Levi began to explain that, Eren had already switched topics. Typical brat.

“I just remembered that we were doing this once a day thing to make sure I don’t get sick again.”

“And?”

“And,” Eren said, grinning as brightly as always, “I haven’t been sick once this week.”

For a moment, Levi didn’t get it. Then a swell of relief and warmth and that weird hazy feeling in his chest filled him, and he couldn’t even hold back the small smile coming to his lips if he wanted to.

“Well... I guess I’m not bad for you after all.”

Eren’s face was red again. Levi did his best not to read into it.

Before long, their conversation shifted again.

“...You’re sure you don’t mind?”

It felt silly to Levi that Eren was asking Levi if he was alright with Eren's murder plans after Levi spent an entire hour sparring with him in preparation for that exact event. Eren tried to explain how Eren's murder for revenge could possibly be less noble—or whatever the hell it was that Eren was trying to prove—than Levi's murder for pay. Levi was eager to let the subject drop. There was no point in asking if Levi was okay with it. Killing was his life for as long as he could remember.

And remembering only made him bitter. He didn't want to be bitter with Eren.

Well, that thought backfired on him anyway. Minutes later Eren called Levi out on his gossiping habits—it wasn't like he wanted to, those idiots gossiped around him and Levi has fucking ears—and Levi remembered talk about Eren being his type and Furlan's thoughts of Levi being sweet on Eren and—

Levi lost it. Full-on lost it. And when Levi loses it, he gets worse than bitter. He gets mean.

And the fact that he could hear Eren laughing his ass off outside the door didn't make things any better.

~10~

Levi was not Eren. He didn't bounce back from things, not easily. So when Eren arrived at the restaurant, grinning at Levi like a smug little shit and asking if the vampire hunter was still embarrassed, it took all of Levi's self-control not to snap at Eren all over again.

Though telling Eren that Levi would let him starve if he didn't drop it is probably considered snapping at him.

Well, Eren's consistent grin made Levi cool off pretty quickly anyway.

They talked about revenge again, for a bit. To make sure that it was something Eren still wanted to do with his own hands. Levi could do it for him. That had been Levi's original plan anyway. He couldn't just let a couple of ferals get away.

It was cute for a second, the fact that Eren was still worried about Levi's possible distaste for murder—Levi, the person who's been training to kill vampires since before his age had double digits. But only for a second.

“I was seriously worried about that shit! Made me feel more like a monster than I already am.”

Monster. There was that word again. Did Eren really see himself that way? What, because he was considering committing a crime—a crime against two real monsters that not only killed his mother but condemned him to a life of blood-sucking?

Eren was not the monster in the room.

“Being a vampire does not make you a monster.”

Levi didn’t know how to make it any clearer to Eren.

“Yes, it does! I’ve been taking your blood every day for a week straight—”

Taking. Is that how Eren saw it? Like he was taking, stealing, depriving Levi of something. Levi thought of Eren’s words from the day before. Eren was so focused on reasoning. It wasn’t about the number of kills to Eren, it was the motivation—as if killing to protect was more justified than killing for revenge. For Levi, motivation was irrelevant. It was how many, how often, and occasionally who. ‘Why' didn’t matter to Levi. A life is a life. A death is a death.

But if what Eren cared about was intention—

“Taking? No, I give you my blood.”

That was fine. Because Eren had noble enough intentions and a current body count of zero. He was innocent, even according to both of their definitions.

“Then what does make a monster?”

Try being an Ackerman.

“The only people I consider monsters are the pigs who take innocent lives without remorse.”

A life is a life. A death is a death. But being completely innocent isn’t what makes a human a human. Humans are fucked up. They’re cruel. But they have limits.

Monsters don’t. That’s the difference.

When Levi’s words didn’t feel like they were getting through, he moved closer, layering his hands over Eren’s. Maybe he couldn’t convince Eren otherwise within one night. But that wasn’t what Levi was trying to achieve right now. He just wanted to ease Eren, at least for now. He wanted to help the king of bouncing back do what he did best.

“Look, maybe I can’t convince you to not see yourself as a monster. But know that I don’t see you as one, alright brat?”

Who was Levi even kidding at this point? Hazy sickness? Yeah, right. Levi had it fucking bad for Eren, and it was only getting worse every moment they spent together.

All he could do was hold Eren close and hope that this wouldn’t all blow up in his face.

“Why do you do it?” Eren asked. “If stuff like this isn’t what you do often?”

I wish I knew.

“Why do you think?” Levi asked.

Of course, Eren was even more clueless than Levi. But Levi was given hope. Brief, heart-wrenching hope, in the form of his blood tasting sweeter on Eren’s tongue.

All those stories his mom told him in an attempt to get him to see “the good side of vampires” better not have been lies.

~11~

The stories were lies.

Well, not lies exactly. But Levi now had every reason in the world to doubt their truth. He had called Erwin as soon as Eren left, unable to stop himself, and—

“Oh… My friend, I… Well, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but…”

Legends. Fucking fairytales. Soulmate-based fairy tales. Soulmates? That was beyond absurd. Soulmates, but the only way you can find them if one of you happens to become a vampire and then happens to ingest the right person’s blood and happens to notice a change in flavor. What, so only vampires could have soulmates, and the rest of humanity was just fucked? Absolute bullshit, that’s what the story was. Fuck.

When his mom told him that story, it was supposed to be a definite thing. Blood tasting sweet equals love. End of story. It wasn’t like he was mad at her for having the story wrong, but shit, it took a lot just for him to get his hopes up in general. For it to end like this—

Levi decided to block it out. He refused to think about it. If he thought about it, it would just fuck him up. He was not going to dig himself into that hole. He needed to take a page from Eren’s book and learn to not let everything bog him down—

“Must you keep him in the dark about even this?”

If Levi was sixteen again, he would have committed a murder right fucking there. But he was older now. He was capable of reigning himself in. If Levi could just change the subject, everything would be fine.

“Tell me what?”

He just needed to—

“I should think you have plenty of reasons to tell him.”

“Tell me what?”

If Levi could just—

“Vampires are myths too, Levi.”

—Change the fucking subject!

“What the fuck are you guys talking about?” Eren asked.

Levi was not Eren. He did not bounce back. He snapped. And he was getting dangerously close.

Erwin could sense it. He stopped pressing so intensely, and he found a way to make his exit. Levi thanked his lucky stars that he’d gone to Erwin for advice and not Hanji. He knew that Hanji had always wanted to know what it was like to see him lose his cool.

But then Eren was trying to follow Erwin out. Fuck, Eren was going to ask. Levi needed to stop him, to prevent him from going because Levi really couldn’t handle any more than this—

“What? Are you going to tell me what the hell all that was?”

“It doesn’t concern you.”

“Doesn’t concern me?”

Stop. Levi needed to stop this, stop his head, stop his blood from boiling. He didn’t want to snap at Eren. It wasn’t Eren’s fault. It would be stupid to snap at Eren when the whole reason Levi was upset was because of how much he cared—

“If it’s nothing, then tell me about it.”

“No.”

If he could just get Eren to drop it. He’d tell the brat anything, just not this. Anything but this. He needed Eren to drop it. If Eren could just drop it—if Levi could change subjects—if they could talk about something else, anything else—please, Eren, fuck just drop it—

“You’re just going to say no without telling me why?”

Because even feeling what he felt without telling anyone was a new level of vulnerability hell for Levi. He couldn’t let Eren know, he couldn’t—Eren would have so much power over him—in this fucked up state of mind he could be crushed with a single ‘no’ and Levi was not Eren, he could not bounce back—

“I don’t have to explain anything to you.”

“But why won’t you?”

“I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

Somehow Eren knew just what to say, where to touch, to make things hit the hardest for Levi. Usually, that was good. Usually, that was him doing something that made Levi feel for him, that made Levi smile.

“Did I do something wrong? Do you—” Eren’s voice breaks. “Don’t you trust me?”

Right now it just hurt. And it hurt worse because Levi knew he was being an irrational little shit, because he knew that he was hurting Eren too, and fuck, fuck, fuck—

...Eren apologized first. Levi didn’t want that. He hadn’t wanted them to argue at all. He cradled Eren’s hands in his, raising them to his chest.

“Look, I really didn’t—It’s been a long day. I took it out on you. I’m sorry.”

Levi doesn’t bounce back. He snaps.

“I just… I got upset when you didn’t tell me. It felt like…” Eren trailed off.

“Like I didn’t trust you?”

Levi snaps. But as years have gone by, he’s learned to fix what he breaks.

“Eren. I… I do. I trust you. I trust you more than—”

More than I should. More than I’m probably capable of expressing to you.

“But you’re going to have to wait for me to grow a pair before I can explain to you what Erwin and I talked about, alright?”

It would be far out of Levi's comfort zone, but… If it was for Eren, maybe he could. Just… not yet. Maybe not for a long time.

For now Levi could just try to enjoy the feeling. And there were plenty of things to enjoy, if he chose to focus on them. Eren’s embarrassment every time Levi caught him daydreaming while burying his face into Levi’s neck—which really didn’t bother him as much as it probably should have. Eren’s exaggerated reactions to all of Levi’s teasing. Eren’s blushing, Eren’s smile, Eren’s grouchy little pout.

Eren’s determined gaze when he set his mind towards something. Eren’s spirit. Eren’s strength.

Levi wanted it all, wanted to protect it, to preserve it. And for what they both wanted… Levi would have to risk things if he could even dare to hope to protect Eren. Levi… Levi needed to be able to replace what he was going to risk.

“I need to meet those friends of yours,” Levi said. “The ones you came with the night we met.”

Levi wanted Eren to keep smiling. And, if he planned things right, he could manage it. But… But then Levi wouldn’t…

No. He didn’t need to think about that right now. For now, he could just pretend they’d get through everything unscathed. He would enjoy right now so that he wouldn’t even think about regretting things later.

~12~

It was supposed to be a good day. An easy day. They were just going to spar. He was going to teach Eren how to actually hold his knife and their day would go on like usual.

But Eren recoiled from him. He launched himself away from Levi when the man was just trying to get close, and Levi didn’t know why. Was it his hunting closet? Did the garlic on his coats and cloaks rub off on him? Levi knew that he didn’t have vampire senses, but he thought that he would have noticed if the garlic scent clung to him like that… Still, there was no other immediate concern that came to mind, and Eren was being unusually tight-lipped about it all.

It was… strange. Eren, expressive as he was, was normally someone that Levi could pretty much read like an open book. When he was angry, sad, conflicted, joyful, it all showed on his face, and all Levi had to do was piece together the reasoning behind it. Granted, there were times when Levi didn’t know, but this was… This was extreme. Everything about Eren was just screaming distress, but this was the first time that Levi was at a complete blank as to what the origin was. He felt like when Eren was wearing his emotions this openly, he should be able to know.

But Levi didn’t. They had been talking as usual, teasing each other as usual. Things only changed when Levi got close. And the only thing different about Levi was (possibly) the lingering scent of garlic.

Maybe Eren just didn’t want to say anything about the scent—which was weird, Levi would have thought that Eren would tease him for smelling like shit—and if that was the case, Levi wasn’t going to force the words out of him.

So, Levi decided to just shower.

And then the shitty brat laughed at him. Laughed so hard that he would have fallen on the floor if Levi hadn’t caught him. And while that annoyed Levi, he would have let it slide if Eren hadn't said—

“Thank you for worrying about me, but—” Eren was still laughing, the little shit. “You must really like me, huh?”

You must really like me. The words rattled around in Levi's empty head until his entire body went rigid. How did Eren—Did somebody tell him—no, nobody could’ve, but then—how did he know?

It was worse that it was a joke too. This feeling that Levi had been grappling with for the past couple of weeks, feelings that he didn't know could exist within him, that he didn't want to believe in, and that he only recently learned to accept—all that just played for a fucking laugh?

Did Eren know? Did he think this was just another one of those things he could tease Levi about and everything would be fine?

"I, uh… I was joking."

Of course, he was.

"Oh. Good."

What else was Levi supposed to say?

But then he heard Eren's gasp. He looked at the vampire struggling to push himself off the floor, and he saw trembling, watery eyes, a bottom lip firmly trapped between Eren's teeth, and shit, it all just looked like heartbreak—

“No, fuck, wait—”

This, Levi could read. This, Levi could understand. Eren, the fucking idiot that he is, of course, he would use a joke of all things to try and gauge Levi's feelings. Of course, now he thought the opposite of what was true and fuck, how could Levi fix this—

“Eren.”

“Look, I know we were supposed to be practicing, but I really just want to go home right now.”

“Please, just let me explain—”

“I really need to go home.”

“Eren—”

He needed to figure something out, and he needed to do it now because Eren was leaving, and Levi didn't want him to leave. Not like this. Not without knowing the truth. This wasn't when Levi wanted to do this, but if it would fix things… if it would keep Eren here, for just a moment longer, just long enough for them to clear things up, then—

“Eren, I’m in love with you.”

But… Eren ran. He ran as if those words were the last straw.

Levi… Levi must have read things wrong again. Said the opposite of what Eren wanted to hear.

Got his hopes up again. For nothing.

At least now, he knew for certain. At least now, he…

Who was Levi fucking kidding? He couldn't pull a bright side out of this. He tried to let decisions go, tried not to regret things he couldn't change, but…

Levi couldn't help wishing he'd done something different this time. Just this one time.

~13~

"Levi… Are you okay?"

Levi didn't look up from the sink at the sound of Isabel's voice.

"What makes you ask?"

"Oh, you know… Just the pile of broken plates next to you."

Levi glanced over at what was supposed to be the clean dishes rack. He didn't remember breaking any dishes, but he also didn't remember driving to work or anything else that happened since Eren—

"I'm fine."

Levi slamming a glass so hard into the dish rack that it shattered probably wasn't the most convincing thing he could have done.

"Right…" Isabel said, inching closer to him and gently guiding him away from the sink. "Why don't you take a break for a second? Furlan and I can handle things until you're...calmer. Okay?"

"I told you I'm fine—"

"Levi," Isabel said firmly, "we still need to serve customers tonight. Which means we still need plates. Which means you need to take a break until you cool off. Okay?"

Levi wanted to argue, but he was already feeling exhausted again. He just wanted to be alone.

"...Okay."

Isabel frowned up at him and patted him on the arm once before slipping out of the kitchen and getting back to work.

Levi doesn't remember what he did until Furlan came to get him. He remembers standing over the stove when the kitchen door opened. He remembers his friend saying there was some kind of "incident" happening outside. So Levi walked out of the restaurant in a daze, expecting to break up a fight—

“And then Levi goes up to little Isabel and says…Fear not, small child, for I have arrived to save the day!"

"What kind of fucking nonsense are you spreading now?" Levi snapped.

And then he saw Eren.

He remembers talking with Isabel, shooing her back into the restaurant, but whatever he said came out purely on autopilot. His mind was on Eren, even as he fought with himself to keep his gaze away, to not be swayed, to not get his hopes up again—

“Uh, Levi?”

Levi didn’t want to get his hopes up again.

“Look, I, um… I really… I mean, I’m really, really sorry about… about yesterday.”

“...You’re sorry.”

So Levi thought about all the reasons Eren would be there on a day they had never planned on, just a few hours after Levi sent him messages detailing the ways they could avoid seeing each other as much as possible. What reasons would Eren have to come? What reason would Eren have to apologize after running away?

“Y-yeah. I—especially because I ran—no, um, especially because of how I feel. Because, uh, I—”

Why would he bother attempting to force out words that he clearly wasn’t comfortable saying yet? Why, just because Levi said them? Because he felt bad? Bullshit.

“Levi, the truth is—”

“Don’t say it just because I did. I don’t need that kind of pity.”

Levi didn’t want to hear it. He just wanted the conversation to be over with. He wanted to leave.

“The truth is that I don’t know if I love you!”

It was the most sincere Eren’s voice had sounded so far, so Levi stopped. He stopped and waited for Eren’s truth. Levi didn't really want to hear a rejection, but if it would give things a smoother ending between them then—

“The truth is that I don’t know what I feel about you. Because I feel a lot of things, all kinds of things, all at once.”

...Huh?

“The second we met, I felt something when I looked at you. And honestly, my dumb ass was pretty sure it was fear.”

Fear? Levi didn't even try to—never mind, not important. Eren felt something towards Levi from the moment they met? That was—no, Levi needed Eren to clarify that—

“And I don’t know when I stopped being nervous around you, but I do know that I look for you when I’m nervous now. I reach for you, I try to grab hold of you. I’m not scared anymore, Levi. Being near you gets rid of my fear. I mean, yeah, sometimes I get anxious, but it’s only because I’m so desperate to keep you with me. I don’t want to mess anything up—”

Levi's brain was overloading. All this romantic sappy shit that made Levi's heart squeeze like a water balloon beneath a metal clamp was too much. Levi didn't know how to—Levi had never—No one had ever said anything like this to Levi. No one but Eren. He needed Eren to slow down, for a second at least—

“And you—you’re just—you’re there for me, and you say all these things that drive me crazy, and it’s like I’m always, always thinking of you even when I shouldn’t be. I want to impress you, I want you to think of me just as much as I think of you, and fuck, I haven’t even talked about how hot you are yet.”

All of that—all of that shit—that passionate starry-eyed nonsense that had Eren looking at Levi like the little bitter man was the fucking sun—

How… How was it that they felt almost exactly the same?

“What I’m trying to say is that if all these things I’m feeling about you are love, then I love you, Levi.”

If they really did feel the same…

“Sorry,” Eren said, “you were going to say something?”

Then Levi wasn't going to let Eren run away again.

"You drive me fucking insane."

Insane in a good way. And in a bad way. Because fuck, if Levi was unsure if his feelings before, he was certain of them now. Certain of the way they drew new sides out of him, new feelings, new emotions. Certain of the way they drove him crazy with stupid worries, with regret, with concern. Certain of the way they put his heart through the fucking wringer.

And Levi was certain that he wouldn't give up these feelings for anything, despite all that.

You're stuck with me now, was the unspoken promise Levi sealed against Eren's lips.

~14~

Levi wasn't great at all this romance stuff. The confessions, the purposeful sweet talk. But kissing? Kissing was no longer uncharted waters.

...Well, that's what Levi thought at first anyway.

For Levi, kissing was a chore. A detour from the main event that he had to take almost every time due to his partners' preferences. He knew what to do, and he had gotten good at it, but it never really meant anything or made him feel differently.

And then he kissed Eren.

Levi refuses to say all that cheesy shit about sparks flying or whatever, but… It was different. It was definitely different.

He felt hot. Boiling heat inside his chest, searing through him from the inside out. It propelled every one of his movements, keeping his hand on Eren’s shirt so that the tall brat would stay low enough for their lips to meet. His free arm slipped around Eren's waist and everywhere Levi touched seemed to make Eren gasp and tremble, and fuck, this was playing with Levi’s patience.

Eren’s hands were on his waist, and he could feel the eager vampire pressing himself closer, parting his lips, and Levi certainly wasn’t going to stop him—

Levi briefly registered pain on his bottom lip, faint enough that Levi could honestly equate it to an itch, and then Eren was pulling away. Levi opened his eyes and was met with vivid green panic. Levi just huffed a little sigh as he moved to slide his fingers into Eren’s long hair. Eren’s hands at his waist retreated a little, not letting go, but no longer open palms against his sides.

Levi nearly wanted to laugh, but he could still have a bit more fun with this if he didn’t.

“Eren.”

Eren’s eyes widened again before he dropped his gaze, his entire upper half drooping. Levi could nearly imagine a pair of brown dog ears on Eren’s head, remorsefully pinned back.

...Maybe Erwin was onto something with that whole “puppy” thing.

“I know I told you to bite me if I didn’t want this…”

Levi tilted Eren’s chin up with his fingers before wiping a stray drop of blood from his lip. He hadn’t meant for the action to stir up anything, but they were close enough that he saw Eren’s pupils dilate, and Levi almost had to physically bite back a smile.

Well, well. He’d keep that in mind for later.

“...but something tells me you were just being an overeager little shit.”

Eren was still staring at the bloody smudge on Levi’s lips.

“I… I forgot I had fangs for a second there.”

“Only you would. Dumbass.”

They goofed around for a little while longer until Levi decided they should call somebody to actually work before the restaurant fell apart. Petra arrived soon after that, and then they were back in their usual spots in the breakroom, ready to talk.

Well, Levi was ready until Eren was touching his own lips like he was silently begging for Levi to kiss him again.

And you're supposed to give a puppy a treat when they beg, right?

It was so easy for Levi to just get… absorbed by Eren. The sound of his voice, the feel of his breath and his lips… His skin beneath Levi's fingers… His soft hair brushing against Levi's cheeks...

His goofy-ass grin against Levi's lips.

Kissing Eren was… nice. It was sharing a smile, sharing joy. It was a confession. It was confirmation. It was a reminder. It made something warm settle at the pit of Levi's rib cage with every instance. Something warm and gentle and nice. Something like comfort. Like Levi's favorite blend of tea on a winter evening.

Kissing Eren was nice. So was touching Eren, being near Eren. It was all nicer now, knowing Levi's own feelings, knowing that Eren felt the same.

If Levi thought those words could get through his throat unchanged, he would have said them out loud then, in that quiet moment between the two of them.

“Don’t stare too long."

It took a moment for Levi to register how long they had been sitting there in silence, how long he had been absent-mindedly admiring Eren's face as his mind wandered. His throat swelled for a moment, shame clogging his windpipe and making him struggle to breathe. But Eren was just smiling at him, green eyes brimming with affection that probably matched Levi's.

Levi didn't have to be ashamed. He didn't have to be embarrassed. He didn't need to pretend that he wasn't staring at Eren, not when Eren was also staring at him.

But this was… new. It would definitely take some getting used to.

Especially when Eren's smile was slowly morphing into the grin of a smug little shit.

Levi forced their conversation back to what it was supposed to be: a moment for them to ask each other whatever questions they had. Levi himself had a few questions about Eren's preferred boundaries, but in all honesty, there was only one real question that he desperately wanted the answer to.

But Eren asked to go first, so Levi let him.

"What was that thing you were talking about with Erwin? When I walked in and you didn't want to tell me?"

Levi relived all his shame within a single instant. Of course. Why didn't he expect Eren to ask him about that soulmate fucking bullshit? He felt even stupider about it now, now that he and Eren had come to like each other the normal way. Of course, that was the first thing Eren asked. Of course, that was the start of their whole conversation.

"Wha—What's wrong?! Are some questions off limits? I can change mine—"

Eren’s panic only made Levi feel worse, so he forced the words out of his throat, eager to get the conversation over with and blow through the pain. This was exactly the sort of thing Eren liked to tease Levi over, so Levi waited for Eren to joke and prod and laugh at Levi for getting his hopes up at sky level before subsequently stomping them beneath his feet. Levi was just waiting for it, for that shit-eating grin that he knew would come—

...But it didn’t. It didn’t come.

“Personally, I don’t think we should take being soulmates off the table—”

Levi thought that sentence would be the start of it, the start of the laughs and the bullshit.

“But.” Eren was holding Levi by the hand. “Either way, Levi, I love you. I’m choosing you, myth or no myth. So you don’t have to put your hopes into some old legend. Just leave all those hopes with me.”

Levi… Levi had been waiting for ridicule that never came. He had braced for it, expected it—shit, if the tables were turned, Levi might have laughed at Eren—but it never came.

Eren was still holding his hand, anchoring him. Somehow… Somehow Eren knew that this would have fucked Levi up if he had joked about it. Because Eren usually has no problem messing with Levi until the vampire hunter is glaring daggers at him. But this time Eren chose not to. He chose to listen, to comfort. He chose to support.

Levi… Levi could learn a lesson or two from this insufferable, kind brat. He wanted to, so that could do this for Eren too, when Eren needed it. Levi wanted to be good at this. This whole being in love thing.

Because Eren deserved somebody who could be good at this.

“Eren.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m… new at this.”

Eren smiled in that soft way that made Levi’s heart expand and his chest squeeze at the same time. He had Levi by the hand, gave the appendage a little squeeze. It made Levi realize how tightly he was hanging onto Eren. Eren, the one of them with newly acquired super strength, was the one with the gentler touch, at least right now. Levi tried to loosen his grip, but he kind of just wanted to hang on even tighter.

“That’s okay. Me too—I mean, I’ve never felt this strongly—”

“No,” Levi said. “I’ve never… I’ve never felt anything. Nothing like this has ever…”

Levi has friends—family that are dear to him. He has people he would never want to lose, that he would protect with his life. What he doesn’t understand is how quickly Eren joined those ranks. He doesn’t understand what it is about the vampire that puts him in a separate category from the other people he loves.

And with his family, Levi can be as much of a little fucking gremlin as he wants. He can be a piece of shit, an asshole, a person they maybe only want around out of obligation—

But Levi wants to do more, to be more for Eren. With Eren. He wants—fuck, he just wants Eren to stay.

He could’ve said that. Maybe he should have. Maybe he will someday. But at that moment, Levi just said—

“I’m going to fuck this up sometimes.”

“No, Levi—”

“I’ll fuck it up. So, I…”

Levi really hoped he wasn’t going to regret saying this.

“When I do, I… I hope you’ll choose me again.”

Hope. He’d been feeling that a lot recently, hadn’t he? But with hope… Whenever Levi allowed himself that much it was almost always followed by—

Before Levi could even think the word ‘regret,’ Eren’s arms were around him.

“I will. I definitely will.”

Levi decided that he would believe in those words. At least for now.

It took them a little while to get back on track. When they restarted their question session, it was Levi’s turn. He asked the one thing he was truly desperate to know.

“Why did you run after I told you I loved you?”

He tried to stay neutral while asking, even though it still hurt, even though the wound was still fresh. He didn’t need to be hurt by it; they had already admitted their true feelings. But Levi… Levi was not good at bouncing back and he didn’t want any bad blood to linger. If he could just understand, then maybe that’d be enough for him to let it go—

“I… don’t know.”

Oh.

Levi… Levi didn’t know how to respond to that.

“I’m sorry,” Eren said, and his head lowered. Absentmindedly, Levi imagined the ears again, the drooping puppy tail. “I just—sometimes my head just… It-it gets stuck, and I can’t get out of it.”

Oh.

It happened to Eren too?

“I’m sorry,” Eren said just as the gears in Levi’s brain started turning again. “I-I don’t know what—I… I was just—I thought that you were rejecting me, and I just… I don’t know. I heard you, I know I did, but I just couldn’t—it was like I didn’t actually hear you, or I couldn’t process it because I was already gone, I was already stuck—”

It happened to Eren too.

“It’s like… Like driving a car with no brakes, like I can’t stop—I’m sorry, I don’t—I just—fuck—”

It was probably happening to Eren right now.

But that was okay. Levi’s been there before. He had been in that car with no brakes. While their minds weren’t the same, Levi could understand enough from Eren’s words, from the previous ways he was able to bring Eren out of his head.

What Eren needed was a reminder to take his foot off the gas.

When Eren told Levi about his mother for the first time, it was a touch that brought him out of that memory. So Levi’s hand found his way to the top of Eren’s head, and then he waited for a reaction, considering how there was a time when touch didn’t work, when that caused Eren to throw a table across the room.

Eren gasped but didn’t move away. The table was still in place. Levi added another hand and waited. The only reaction was quiet, trembling breaths. Levi shifted his focus to pulling Eren’s hands away from his head, frowning when he saw blood beneath Eren’s fingernails. If his head didn’t heal quick enough, Levi would let him drink a little extra. Just for today.

“I’m sorry—”

“No,” Levi said. Take your foot off the gas. “You don’t need to do that.”

“But I—”

“You don’t need to apologize.”

Levi continued slowly, methodically. He would try something, another touch, another movement, and then he would wait. If Eren was still okay, he would continue. He would do a little more.

What he wanted was to get Eren to look him in the eye. He wanted Eren to see that Levi wasn’t upset, wasn’t angry. Everything was okay. There was no need to apologize.

He wanted to help the king of bouncing back do just that. And sure enough, by the time Levi had calmed Eren down enough to have a brief conversation—

“Can we—can we still ask questions?”

“Are you sure?”

Eren nodded.

“I… want to know how old you are.”

Levi couldn’t hold back a laugh. The king had returned to his throne.

“I’m twenty-six.”

Levi had helped.

“Favorite color?”

“Black.”

Maybe…

“Favorite animal.”

“Hm… Horses.”

Maybe Levi had a chance at not fucking this up after all.

“Favorite hobby.”

“Do I get to ask you any questions?”

“Mmm… No.”

“Fine. Cleaning.”

Maybe… Maybe Levi could be alright at this would being in love thing.

“Favorite…”

Levi wasn’t sure how long they went on like that. All he knew is that by the time he sent Eren home, Levi was having a hard time biting back his smiles.

That vampire brat had changed him. Is changing him. Will continue to change him. And Levi…

Levi’s looking forward to it.

[19mrs-barnes17]

Clean

Summary: You have had a rough run but are finally ready to confess something you’ve been hiding.

Part: 1/1

Pairing: Winn Schott x reader

Warnings: angst, mentions of abusive relationship (vague)

Word count: 1,310

A/N: Hey y’all, I’m back with a little Winn fic just cause. Enjoy!

Inspiration - Clean by Taylor Swift

~

Your favorite part of the day used to be the first moment after you woke up, because for a split second you forgot. Forgot the pain, the abuse, the self-hate, all of it. For a few milliseconds you were free from the suffering. It had been your solace for so very long, far too long. But, now? Well, now you had the little moments with those around you throughout the day to keep you smiling and content. No longer did you feel dread when you remembered, instead you felt stronger. It was as if you had survived the crushing weight of a tidal wave and still stood upon your two feet, unwavering.  You didn’t drown, you held your breath and withstood the blow. There was a newfound pride within yourself in your discovery, a newly acquired love for yourself. Finally you understand your worth, how you deserved kindness and love. You understood that it first had to come from yourself before you could safely seek it from others. It had taken you some time, but that was okay. Because you had found yourself in the eye of the storm and you felt free, you felt clean.

Once you had had your epiphany, you felt as though you could reemerge from your apartment and get back into the world. Your boss was so pleased to see you back in the bakery with a soft smile on your face. She could definitely tell you felt at peace, and it must have been an infectious feeling. It felt indescribable to be creating again, to see the delight on customer’s faces when they peeked beneath the lid at their pastries. No longer did you fear your ex showing up in the windows. He was far away and imprisoned for life, unable to hurt you again. You finally felt as though you were safe to do as you pleased. 

You had found your peace. When you had tried to date after him, you saw too much of him in others and feared the repetition of history. So long you had gone without letting someone any closer than a simple friendship, too scared they could never love you. But now you felt ready, to take on the world or at the very least a harmless date. Though this was mostly a solo journey into yourself, full of deep reflection, you had one person to thank above all others for their encouragement and kindness. Winn Schott. He had been the one to suggest you take some time from work to relax and do some soul searching. And through all your isolation he hadn’t bothered you, always waiting for you to reach out. Winn was always afraid he’d be pressuring you into something you didn’t want to do and knew he’d feel incredibly guilty about it for days I he overwhelmed you. It was sweet. 

With so much time to think your life through you had noticed something inside your heart that you had been terrified of for so long. Ever since you had moved to National City. Someone had stood out to you from the very beginning, it almost seemed as though they were the exception to your past history coming back to bite you. As if they were the opposite of who you used to surround yourself with. He was exactly what you used to fear, someone who was kind out of the goodness of their heart. Someone who would never raise a hand to you, never drag you down. Knowing what you do now, you felt lighter and wanted to push past the final barrier. You wanted to let someone in, someone good. Because there was such a thing as someone loving you and treating you with care, no smokescreens involved.

You stood in an absolutely frazzled state, your oldest friend Clark smiling softly as you paced the floor of your apartment. He had come to visit his cousin Kara but stopped to see how his best friend was handling her newfound life perspective. To be fair, he had caught you in the midst of a brainstorming session. Somehow you had to tell Winn how you felt. 

"You're not helping with your mockery Kansas." You paused in your nervous pacing, hands on your hips. "This is serious. I really like him."

"You're right. Sorry N/N." He raises his hands in defense, eyes full of sympathy. "What's the plan so far?" 

“Plan? What plan? Clark I’m a hot mess, there is no plan.” The total panic in your eyes has him rising from his seat and placing a hand on your shoulder, an idea twinkling within his eyes.

“Well then it’s just your luck that my cousin is his best friend.” You cock an eyebrow, unsure where he’s going with this idea. “Just meet me at that karaoke bar you guys love, 7pm sharp.”

At 6:55 you stood alone at one of those tall tables, a glass of water sitting before you half drunk. You were early but that meant on time in your book, Clark however tended to show up right on the minute. But when 7 o’clock chimed you were still standing by yourself and looking rather awkward. Someone in your peripheral caught your attention and a smile began to tug at your lips before you realized you had been duped. Superman himself had tricked you and not in a clever scheme, but by using one of the oldest tricks in the book.

“Hi Winn.” His head whipped around, eyes settling on you while a big grin stretched across his lips. “What brings you here?”

“Oh, I was supposed to meet Kara here but she’s running uncharacteristically late.”  He seems oblivious to the plan, but soon enough he’d figure it out for himself. “What about you?”

“Well, I was waiting for Clark. However, he’s also running uncharacteristically late.” You cocked a brow at Winn hoping he understood. His brow furrowed as he went to check his messages but the moment he glanced down at his empty screen his eyes widened in realization. “We’ve been played Schott.”

“But if you were… and I was... then that means…” His wide eyes gaze into yours, a look of disbelief painted on his features. “That means you…”

You can’t seem to tear your gaze from his, cheeks flushing crimson as you mentally curse those sneaky cousins. Now you were here, everything in the open but still terrified to move forward. Your chest was filled with a fluttering sensation, it made your pulse race as you took a step forward and prayed your eyes conveyed what you wanted them to. Please like me back. Maybe you were crazy, the adrenaline going to your head, but you kissed him right on his pink lips. The ones that had mocked your heart since day one. 

They were soft and began to kiss you back, much to your surprise. The sweet relief flooding through your body was exhilarating, you were almost light headed from it. Winn had placed a hand on your cheek, thumb caressing it as you pulled apart. There was a hint of confusion in his eyes but a small smile on his lips. He leaned forward and kissed you, your lips moving in sync this time as one hand snaked up his torso and into his hair and your other hand resting on his chest.

“What now?” He smiles, looking absolutely flabbergasted at what just happened. “I mean do we… date?”

“Gee I would hope so. I’d like to think you’re not one to kiss and run.” He chuckles softly and shakes his head at you. “Well, we’re already in a bar… so, buy me a drink and I’ll buy you one?”

“I’d like that.” You could get used to that smile, and those lips. 

Maybe you owed Clark and Kara a thank you for the push.

~

Tags: @qtmeryr​ @broken-hearted-barnes​