#my mom lost her phone last year and some gay guy she never met kept watch over it to see if anyone would come back for it

[fabulouslygaybean]

my younger sister and i are going to the first day of our city's pride fest and im so excited!! scared, but still excited

[softest-cinnamon-roll]

Okay. Since I have NO CHILL.... But what about a fic where reddie gets together in secret and hides their relationship. But they go away for a weekend after graduation and the losers are already suspicious, but it’s then confirmed when eddie&richie both post a selfie of them kissing in front of like. Idk a sunset or a cute background and is just like “surprise” (but is it really??)

(sorry for the wait Sara but here you go!)

* * * * *

Eddie stepped out of the classroom at the end of sixth period and he headed towards the exit where all the losers met up to walk home. It had become a sort of routine when Mike arrived at the school during Freshman Year. They had decided that since Mike was knew, and thanks to all the bullying, they would be safer in numbers and took turns walking Mike to the Farm to school and then from.

It was during one of these walks that Eddie and Richie merged into EddieandRichie. Since the group had decided to pair up when walking Mike to and from the farm and Ben and Bev had paired up, as well as Bill and Stan, that left Richie and Eddie. Not that the two were complaining, as even before that, they were gravitating towards each other.

Then one winter evening after they dropped Mike off and it was just starting to get dark outside, Richie had laced their fingers together on the path away from the farm. Eddie fought back a smile as his cheeks flushed, hidden by the darkness of the night. By the time they reached Eddie’s house, they were both smiling like idiots and Richie had brought Eddie’s hand to his lips, kissing it softly.

“G’night, Eds.”

Four months later and they were well into a relationship, even if it was being kept a secret from the other losers. Both Richie and Eddie had agreed, mutually, that they would keep their relationship to themselves and not draw any more attention to them or their friends. According to them, the last thing they needed was everyone staring at them for being gay and in love.

Eddie was just about to step outside when a pair of arms were wrapped around his waist and pulled him into the supply closet. The door was closed behind him and Richie’s lips were on Eddie’s kissing him deep and burying his hands into his hair. “Heya, Eds,” he breathed against his lips.

“Rich, what are you doing?” Eddie asked, pulling away just a little. “The others, they’re waiting for us...we don’t want them to catch us.”

Richie shrugged, keeping his arm around Eddie’s waist, “Wanted to see you before,” he mumbled. “I miss you, I miss not being able to see you and kiss you whenever I want.” He ran his free hand through his hair, “Come away with me this weekend, please? My folks, you know that summer house they have just outside Boston? Come with me and we can...be us, together?”

Eddie paused, looking into Richie’s eyes, “Rich...my mom would never let me, you know that,” he whispered. “She barely lets me stay over at Bills on a Friday night. What makes you think she’ll let me disappear for the whole weekend? With you no less.” After the words left his lips, Eddie realised how awful it sounded. “Rich-”

“It’s fine,” Richie shook his head. “I have a plan just...you trust me right?” He asked. “I have a plan. Meet me at the barrens tonight at seven and you won’t have to worry about the rest of the weekend. Your mother won’t even know your gone.”

Of course, Eddie was wary, but he trusted Richie with his life and sure, it would be great to spend a weekend away with his boyfriend without being scared or hiding. “Okay, I’ll be at the barrens tonight, at seven,” he nodded his head. “We need to go now though, before someone comes looking and they find us.”

Although reluctant, Richie agreed and let Eddie leave the closet first, following behind him and swung an arm over his shoulder. It wasn’t out of the ordinary, as Richie was always touching Eddie in some way or the other. The others were all still waiting for them outside, and Bev raised her eyebrows at them, but didn’t say anything, simply moving into step with Ben as they all made their way towards Mike’s farm, something they did every Friday night as it meant spending more time together.

As soon as Eddie stepped into the house after they all parted ways, he moved into the kitchen to see a note from his mother. It was letting him know she had gone to her sisters for the weekend he was to be on his best behaviour in her absence and she would see him on Sunday evening. A smile broke onto Eddie’s face as he realised this was the reason he wouldn’t have a problem sneaking away with Richie for the weekend.

He rushed up the stairs and pulled out his mini-suitcase, packing some overnight clothes for the weekend before making his way out to the barrens where Richie was already waiting for him, his truck parked to the side and ready to go. Eddie didn’t hesitate in throwing his bag into the backseat and wrapping his arms around Richie’s neck in a hug. “How did you know my mother would be gone for the weekend?”

Richie grinned at him, leaning down to steal a quick kiss before pulling back. “My mom overheard her on the phone at the supermarket. She must have been talking to her sister or something. She gave me the heads up. Mags really is our relationship MVP.”

“Yeah, but that’s because she’s the only one who knows about us. You can’t say that Bev wouldn’t be high on the MVP scale if she knew,” Eddie grinned, stepping back and heading to the passenger side of Richie’s truck. Richie just laughed and followed him around, climbing into the driver’s seat and turning the keys in the ignition.

“I tried to convince dad to give me his car this weekend,” Richie mumbled as he pulled away from the barrens and onto the main road. “He said that no amount of begging would let him trust me with his car, so my truck it is, Eds.”

Eddie just rolled his eyes a little and got comfortable in the seat, “You cleaned the truck up for me, that’s the best I could have asked for to be honest.” They fell into a comfortable silence, the music playing from the stereo that was hooked up to Richie’s phone. “Is this my playlist?” Eddie asked after a few songs, all of which featured on Richie’s playlist that he named ‘Eds’.

He watched a flush appear on his boyfriend’s cheeks, but there was no answer, so Eddie picked up his phone from where it sat, logging in to Spotify. Sure enough, it was his ‘Eds’ playlist, and Eddie couldn’t help the smile that broke out onto his face. Richie squawked from his seat, “Don’t laugh at me!”

“I’m not laughing!” Eddie defended himself, shaking his head. “I’m impressed that you know me so well to have all my favourite songs on the one playlist.” He continued to flick through the songs that Richie had on his playlist as he had always known it existed, but only now was he getting the chance to actually see.

“You know, I think Bev knows about us,” Richie muttered about half way through the drive. Eddie looked over at him from where he was lost in thought, looking at the scenery outside the window. “I told her I couldn’t hang out on Sunday with her…because of course I’ll be with you and she just gave me this look…as though she knew that I’d be with you.”

Eddie frowned, tilting his head to the side, “Well, it’s almost graduation and we’ll all be leaving for college soon. They are going to find out sooner or later because I have no plans on ending this with you.” He let out a sigh. “I think we should tell them, when we get back. Get all the losers together and just…come clean. Aren’t you tired of hiding from them?”

Breathing out a sigh of relief, Richie nodded his head and made a turn in, pulling up to a service stop that was by a lake reservoir. The sight was one to behold, as the sun was just beginning to set, casting a warm orange glow over the water. “Why wait until Sunday?” Richie asked and grabbed his phone. Eddie watching him get out of the car and head over to the edge of the lake.

“What do you mean?” Eddie asked as he got out of the car, following him until they were standing side by side. “We’re not going back, Rich. I want to spend this weekend with you.”

Richie nodded, “And we are, I’m not saying we go back. I’m saying we take a really cheesy picture of us kissing in front of the sunset and send it to them in the group chat.” His eyebrows waggled as he pulled up the camera and Eddie relented, nodding his head. Richie grinned and held the phone away from him as he leaned down, catching Eddie’s lips in a kiss as he snapped the picture.

Eddie had to say, he was rather impressed at the turnout of the picture and allowed Richie to send it to all the losers in the chat. Barely five seconds later, both of their phones were blowing up with messages in response.

Bev: I KNEW IT. I FUCKING KNEW IT

Billy: Gross guys, right in front of my salad, really?

Haystack: I’m so happy for you!

Mikey: Congratulations guys!

Stan the Man: You all owe me 5 bucks.

Stan the Man: Congrats.

Both of them just laughed and turned their phones off. They would deal with their friends on Sunday when they got back to Derry. Right now though, they just slipped back into Richie’s truck and continued to the holiday home, happy and in love.

* * * * *

@richietoaster @tozier-boy @eds-trashmouth @bitchbrak @sloppybitchreddie @its-stranger-than-you-think @maximusfraker @jem-carstairs-is-perfection @thejadeazalea @halfway-happy353 @tinyarmedtrex @inthebreadbinwrites @kat-ships-everything @takeourpure @lo-v-ers @that-weird-girls-blog @studpuffin @s-s-georgie @reddie-for-anything @trashmouthtozierr @richietoizer @girasol-eddie @bi-bi-richie @honeybeehanlon @mars-14 @reddiesetandgo @marsisaplanetyall @xandertheundead @sedanleystanley @hawkinsbabe @beepbeeprichiellc @stellarbisexual @oldguybones @stanleuyris @eduardoandale  @purplepoisonedgem @reddie-to-cryy @pink-psychic @violetreddie @toziesque @queen-sock @appojoos @moonlightrichie @rreddies @disneyfan567 @annxmatron @lifesucksheres20bucks @anellope @roobarrtrashmouth @are-you-reddie-for-it @callmechee @nancynwheeler @reddieforlove @twoidiotsinl0ve @madi-artist @tozierking @s-onora @atownofeggs  @wilding-throught-thehallways @no-she-wasnt-reddie @dadbodrichie @thorn-harvester-ven @eddiekasbpark @sparklingrainbowdragon @ransonelovebot @gloire-celeste @derrylosers @3tothe1 @virgo-luthie @sashadrowned @spirited-marvel @losers-gotta-stick-together @rebecca-the-queen @ultrapaninibred

[wendibird]

SPN 15X15 Observations

The saga of my shitty cable/internet provider continues. This week I was again watching it on my computer through the streaming app since TV still isn’t getting reliable reception, and my internet connection kept dropping! (Luckily, I’ve also set it to record, so I was able to re-watch the episode after it aired.) So, my notes are much less coherent probably, and I’ve had a long day so my after-episode thoughts probably are too. 

Everything else under the cut for those who wish to avoid spoilers and all my rambling:

- Connor isn't going to last long. - wtf? (freaky teddy bear!) - "she and I used to have a thing"? Seriously Dean? - Cas: "Sam?" (aka "Please be the reasonable one.") - soooooo much salt from Cas. - "Agent Swift!" - BABY YODA!!!! - I think the crossroads thing is Cas just making a phone call more or less. - Cas, there are NEVER "too many cats". - LOL I love Cas' literalness - Eeeeee..... love them bonding. - Hrm. So there's definitely a karmic element to these killings. I mean, "Lair" seemed like a bit of a stretch for the other kid, unless the "lie" was in him agreeing with the snobby girls. But I have a feeling this lady here is going to end up with something like "thief" carved into her. (So, thoughts: Avenging Angel? Just Deserts? Probably something new.)

- Also I feel like there was maybe something in that "previously" scene that I don't remember seeing before. (Was talking about Dean going into detail about needing to take Amara out as well as Chuck. I remember part of that conversation, but some parts felt "new" to me? Though I've only seen through this current season once, so I might just not be remembering everything right.) - Sam's worried/concerned about Jack! <3 - "At least this time it's not you and me." Oh man does that feel like foreshadowing. - Not sure I trust the pastor. - I've been watching this show too long. They all feel sketchy. Especially the girl with the headband. *LOL* - Oh man. Are they really going "Torture Porn" on us again? (Apparently) - His (Jack’s) Mom died 3 years ago too. - "I have more dads than most." <3 - "Put your trust in God." Wow. *LOL* Poor Jack. - Cas, you're totally one of his dads. But yes. It is complicated. - Ahhh. Maybe that's what the "Liar" thing was about. (Connor being gay and hiding it?) - Hi Amara! (My cat wants to get into my closet.)

- Amara's still in relatively light colors.

(Stupid internet signal is being a pain)

- I wish I knew what was going on.

(Aaaaand more internet problems)

- I love Cas! (still confused about what's going on.)

- So, what's with the random demon in the squad car? - Dammit.... I had a feeling Jack would end up having to die to kill Chuck and Amara.

(OKAY! Now that the episode is over, I'm going to re-watch parts of it so I can find out what the hell I missed! (still irritated))

- Jack HAS one of those teddy's! I wonder which one got it for him.... (My guess is Sam or Cas) - Maybe it was Zack in the cop car at the end? He DID say he was really bored. - Reason why I was thinking it might be something supernatural was because the one who did it seemed to know in advance who they were going after, but that lady just now stole from the poor box. So, how did the daughter know? Unless she'd done it before? Hrm. - Minor note: "We've been on the road almost two days." WTF? SPN doing somewhat realistic travel times?! *LMAO* - Trying to tell what's in her other hand. Looks like it's duct-taped closed into a fist around something. A transmitter maybe? It's an odd detail that I don't think gets explained. - So, did she call him a "liar" because she saw the two of them as having dated and then he came out as gay at some point? - So, they're just gonna leave the Impala there while it's gassing up? *LOL* - I still love Cas for this part. Sharing his "Journey". - Okay, got to see the guys' talk with Amara. (At least the first half of it.) I still think it's risky for Dean to tell her about Jack even being a player on the board. Though I get that he had to give her SOMETHING so she would get that the threat is credible. That they actually CAN do something against Chuck. - Also, SPN can't settle on its history. *LOL* But that's nothing new. Back in S5 it was God and Death and Death couldn't remember who came first. Then at the end of Season 10 we got an updated version with the Darkness (Who didn't seem to have met Death prior to her imprisonment.) Now, Darkness and God were twins. - Ewwwwww.... dead guy. - Wow.... They actually textualized that. (About Mary.) - He sounded like he meant it when he said "I will never hurt you." - I still love Cas being a subtle badass. - Jack... it's NOT the only way... (And I'm pretty sure Sam HAS forgiven Jack. But I don't think they've really talked.)

SO.

I apologize that my "notes" this time are a train-wreck, but so was my internet connection, so sadly, this is what happens when I watch part of the episode, miss some important bits, and watch most of the rest of it (while still missing more bits) and then when it's finally over I can finally go back and re-watch the bits I'd missed. And I wound up mostly just re-watching the whole thing again anyway. And some things definitely made more sense, and I definitely noticed some things I hadn't caught the first time.

I know a lot of people aren't going to like it because it mostly featured Cas and Jack while being light on the brothers. (But there WAS some good brother content!) I did enjoy it well enough though. (Like, it's not gonna make my top 10 total episodes, but I liked it better than a lot of the ones earlier this season.)

Organizing my thoughts is gonna be a bit hard (I've had a long day) but I'll make an attempt here.

Cas and Jack's arc: It definitely had a more old-school SPN horror vibe to me, though more like some of the newer horror movies (like Saw and the like) and I think both characters were written well. We had two awkward angels who still don't get all things human, but they obviously care. There was also a lot of talk about God in a way that I felt made both of them feel awkward considering their perspective on Chuck. I do still wonder though about some of the details of what Sylvia was doing. Like, I get how she'd probably been stewing about the one boy for a while. But the lady (could never quite tell if it was Valerie or Mallory) had literally JUST stolen from the donation box when she stepped outside into the trap laid for her. So, was this maybe a habit of her's? How would Sylvia have known about it beforehand? And also, what was with the crossroads demon at the very end posing as/possessing a police officer? Is he going rogue because he's bored? Is he acting on some weird kind of orders? I saw some theories about maybe the Dad made a crossroads deal to spring his daughter, but... I dunno. Unless it's supposed be a tease for something to come later, it feels odd and random.

Overall, I did really like Cas in this episode. I thought his blend of salt, cluelessness, and altruism was good, and I loved what he said about his past, and how he found his new purpose. Because he has been drifting quite a bit since he lost his original purpose. But he definitely seems to have found it again with Jack. So naturally he gets to find out that Jack is fated to die taking out God and the Darkness. *sigh* Dude CANNOT catch a break! Also, JACK! I love him so much! (And honestly, I'd had suspicions already that this is what had been troubling him. I'm glad he finally told one of his dads at least.)

Also, just wanna reiterate, I loved that bit at the beginning when Dean suggests Cas and Jack go tackle this case "that probably isn't anything (supernatural)" and he turns to Sam like "Please be the sane one here." (My hope/headcanon is that Sam encouraged him to go because he knows something has been troubling Jack, and if Jack won't open up to Sam about it, maybe he was hoping he'd open up to Cas at least. Then maybe SOMEONE could help him. But I don't know if the writers are thinking that deeply about Sam.)

Speaking of Sam and Dean... Okay, overall I thought their part of the episode was okay for what we saw. Like, the brother talk in the Impala, mild bickering about driving times and regular mundane stuff. Also their talk with Amara had some GOOD emotional beats in it. For Dean and Amara. Sam was mostly just there. And then he wasn't even there for the main part. So... *sigh* It's not that I begrudge Dean having that moment. I mean, he definitely had more of a connection to Amara than Sam did. But it still feels like not much really happened with him besides being a soundingboard and showing some concern for Jack. Hopefully we get more of him actually being important to the plot in upcoming episodes.

But let me reiterate that I DID like the talk Dean and Amara had! I'm glad that she textualized something that I know a lot of fans have theorized about Mary and her purpose narratively. That prior to her resurrection she had been put on this pedestal, but Dean and Sam were actually able to get to know the real woman. That the real woman was better than the memory because she WAS real. Flaws and all. (Not that I blame Dean for being angry.) I'm just glad that it was said outright. Because I got the feeling from some of the things Samantha Smith has said at cons that that was part of the point of Mary's character since S12, to make her real. And I know a lot of people couldn't see past her flaws and still hate her. (I DO think some things could have been handled better with her character, but that's not the point of this long rambly post today.) Also, when Dean said that he could never hurt her? It felt like him telling the truth. Maybe he was able to get that feeling across because technically he WAS telling the truth, since the plan is for Jack to be the one doing the hurting. But I dunno.

Anyway, overall I thought it was a decent episode. It had some good character moments in it, and considering I thiiiiink the next episode is going to be very Sam and Dean heavy, I'm not gonna begrudge Cas and Jack some screentime in this one since things are likely going to be getting dicey here fairly soon.

(And again, I apologize for how scattered this is this time.)

P.S. Oh, and one last thing before I forget. Especially after last episode, I find it odd that Jack still thinks BOTH brothers haven't forgiven him. I get why he would think that about Dean. The dude outright said it was going to take some time. But Sam, as far as we've seen has been shown to be supportive of Jack. So, I wonder if it's because Jack still hasn't forgiven himself? Or if it's because maybe he and Sam haven't really talked about that whole issue, so maybe Jack thinks Sam is just avoiding it? (Or if the writers are just lumping Sam&Dean together again because WHY would anyone see them as two separate entities? *salty*) Because if anyone in this show SHOULD be aware that the brothers don't always think the same it should be Jack. Because from the start Sam has tended to hold a different stance in regards to him than Dean. *sigh* Ah well. We'll see how things fall out. Especially considering what Cas (I’m assuming anyway) told Dean about Jack and Billy’s plan. 

[hypnodesires]

What if I hadn't waited?...

I often look back on my life, on all the crazy things I have done in the past that I know for a fact, I could never do at my age now (I'm making myself sound like I'm 80 but trust me I'm way younger than that)….  For me at least being a first-time mom took a lot out of my body and mind (along with the damn drama going on in my family is not helping), so I can't see myself getting it on in the back of a movie theater or a quickly while the family is in the next room or out in a park…. Fuuuuuck that shit, I have had my fun but in all that time I never told anyone about hypnosis or my love for it….. I can't even imagine what someone would have done to me if I had shared it with the wrong person… (keep in mind I lost my Vcard at age 14 freshmen year) and that guy played me for a fool… of course I fell into it, I didn't feel loved in my own home. Everything and anything that happen was always blamed on me… and all the house duty fell onto me as well, while my younger sister was clearly the favorite and got away with it all. I made lots of bad choices just because I wanted to be love, Not to mention the body-shaming my mom put me through that still effects me and my sister to this day….. being told no one would love me being as big that I was (keep in mind I was 150 compared to what I am now 223 lb or my biggest that I ever was 265 lb) but After falling for that fuckface with a small ass dick who played me, I knew then that I couldn't let it happen again.

I don't know what others would do if they went through what I did, the rest of my relationships following that event had to wait more than 6 months to get any action from me….. And for a teen girl or boy that shit was hard lol (I was a good ass tease though wink*). I wanted to know that the next person was into me as a person and not just wanting sex, I kept my true kinks to myself and if asked I would say "3sum, roleplay, etc" even in roleplay I would never bring up hypnosis, none of the men I was with ever mention it…… but if they had ooooo I was going to have a good time, I mean it was role play, why waste it right, not like they would know. After I dated fuckface, I dated a metalhead for 2 weeks… he left me only to date another girl the next day….. my only guess is that she was willing to put out the same day, in a way it just reinforced my mindset on making men wait (trust me, ladies, the payoff is glorious) but I know not everyone has the same will power but I have my weaken too, I am only human after all haha. I was single for a short time after that metalhead, where I soon became the target of a dirty (I mean never took showers) white guy, An old friend of mine told me he never took showers until he started to ask me out over and over. In high school, I would get there an hour before classes just so I could eat with my friends before school and one day he showed up along with some other guy who I thought was much cuter but was gay sadly, we'll call the gross guy Jim. I don't know what he saw in me that he just could not leave me alone, I had turned him down twice but I'm guessing he got some of my friends to get me to give him a chance….. How I wish I hadn't, this guy was so pushy about wanting to do stuff and my no's fell on deaf ears. Asking people to help him but my good friends stayed out of it (you could warn a bitch damn lol) inner thoughts, I was approached by two teachers at different times while I was with him. I was told by one that Jim would throw fits like a toddler in class and scream if things didn't go his way, they just wanted to make sure I was ok and he wasn't doing anything to me (not at that time) but after the second teacher confronted me about him, I was already seeing some signs….. he wanted to follow me into the girl locker room until a teacher kicked him out, he would run to my last class of the day just so he could walk home even though we lived in a different direction, the thing that creeped me out was when he called me while I was out at the movies with my friend but I never told him what movie I was in and 20 min into the movie I hear the theater door open all hard and when I turned there he was looking around to find me….. and he did. I found myself wanted to get away from him but I still stayed up until he moved away….. Well, even then I still stayed… I'm not proud of it but I was young and dumb plain and simple, I know that if I would have left him while he was still in the same city I would have ended up on the ID channel (google it if you don't know ). I can't even imagine what he would have tried to implant into my mind had I ever told him…. I shudder to think. I was in my senior year of high school and still with Jim, he would text me all day and once home I would hope on yahoo massager and we would talk the rest of the day…. But I met my main man that year in my second semester, we became friends through a mutual friend of ours, he knew I was with Jim but told my love I was single. In a way I'm glad he did that, I don't think I could of left Jim on my own. As time went on I knew my love had the feeling for me and so did I, I woke up on Feb 14, 05 at 5:00 am out of a deep sleep full of energy blurting out "he is going to ask me out today!" something in my gut was screaming at me that it was going down, I worked up the courage to break up with Jim….. yes on that same day…. I was scared… I called and prayed he wouldn't pick up…. I pulled a Mosby (how I met you mother reference) I left a brake up voice mail and before any more of you looks down on me, ANYONE and EVERYONE is allowed to break up with a CRAZY/UNSTABLE person over the phone that is the only exception that is appropriate and not to mention its much SAFER.  The day went on and I kept checking my phone surprised that he hadn't blown up my phone yet, my love asked to walk me home and he did. While we walked I kept checking my phone but not a word from Jim, we made it to my house and my love gave me some candies, a beautiful card with his feeling written down inside… at that moment I had forgotten all about Jim, forgotten my fear, my dread. Looking into the eyes of my love I felt safe & that I found someone who truly loved me, to this day I still can't fully explain how he made me feel in that moment all I know it was a beautiful feeling... All I know is that no one ever made me feel that way since. Of course, once he left and us being a couple now, I was on cloud nine…. It would be short-lived. Once I hopped onto yahoo messager I made sure to stay invisible as to not be seen, Jim was on and had already sent me a hello message… I was surprised he was so calm, surely he'd already heard my voice mail?…. I had sent it first thing in the morning but it was already 4 pm, I switch to online and asked him if he wasn't mad?  He said mad about what? I then told him I was sorry but my voice mail would tell him and I "log off"  1 min goes by and I got call after call from Jim. He left voicemails with each call he made and there was a pattern, first message he left was him crying "please Quinn pick up, I love you don't do this to me" next massage in a raging voice "I'll fucken kill you, pick up your phone you stupid bitch" next message "I'm going to kill myself plz Quinn PICK UP!" and start all over with the sobbing and begging for me to comeback…… I did pick up the phone after he left over 50 voicemails and told him "you need to stop, I can't do this anymore and you are scaring me…." Before I could continue Jim said, "please talk to my mom PLEASE!" I agree and while on the phone with her, I could hear Jim screams and his mom yells out to her husband "get the pills away from him! Jim, you need to stop!.... sweetie what going on?" I told her I was scared of her son and that I was no longer going to move up there with them, she understood and told me "you know that ring Jim gave you? it's my engagement ring, could you send it to me. I gladly agreed and asked her to mail me back some of my stuff Jim had taken from me and she did, though not all of them, I was happy he was no longer in my life. He did continue to call my cell, my sister cell, and my grandparent's house phone just to talk to me, until my dad picked up the phone and asked him to pass the phone to his dad which he did & that was the last time I heard from him over the phone, he did try a few months later but I never picked up… so I think he gave up.

I was with my love for 3 years until I ended it due to, growing apart and I didn't like being put down or made to feel bad just cuz I didn't want to do something. We met in 05, the same year that How I met your mother premiered, and got back together the same year the show ended in 2014. my reason for leaving him, to begin with, was the fact he got too comfortable just taking off and sayings things like "I guess they're not much for me here then, I'm all done here then" and he would just leave if I didn't put out for the night?! our break up was necessary for us to make the changes that ultimately made us stronger. I was a freak in the sheets it was his fucken loss, he knows that now and say he will never let me go. I know we did a bit of role-playing of my kink when we were first together, but he never took it seriously and I never made a big fuss about it…. but it was hot. Then I was with Kyo (it was my pet name to him because he didn't like his name) I was with him for a while and I fucked up…. WE both fucked up, meeting him online and being apart I had a relapse and slept with my love….. I know why would I sleep with him if I left him in the first place…… no one is perfect but I made it clear that this was NOT going to continue, I felt extreme guilt and told Kyo…. He forgave him as we still had not even met yet, but little did I know he was still talking to some women he had been seeing and fail to tell me he hadn't ended it with her….. but once he moved in with me it was over but something inside me was telling me to look through his laptop so I did, I found he still had photos of his ex... nude photos of her… including emails of him making it seem like he was still with her but he told me they broke it off and he deleted everything. From the start I should have known this wasn't going to work, we all make mistakes and I have defiantly learned from it. But as time went on Kyo discovered he was into cross-dressing with the help of my best friends, I encouraged him to be himself and that was the only time I saw him happy…. We would give him dresses, do his makeup, wax his whole body, and take him to the clubs to strut his stuff. At the end of the night, we'd go home and enjoy some sexy time and he loved being in his outfits while we got it on and I loved it as well…. With many outing that we have done, I decided to finally tell him about my kink…. Keep in mind I did what I could to get him off whatever he wanted I tried, he likes it when I would jack him off with my panties, blow jobs, and doing it while dressed up…. So when I brought it up, he was like "that weird" (really guy?!?! I'm weird! Get your bitch ass out of here with the panties jerking and cross-dressing) I was hurt…. I had welcomed all he wanted and never made any faces or made him feel bad about it cuz there is no need to kink shame, but he couldn't do the same for me? He barely gave it a try. More time went on and my love for him had faded away, I didn't feel loved by him…. I had done so much to make him feel welcome with all my friends and showed him how much I cared but I never felt like his #1, I felt like an afterthought with him… like I'll get to you when I can…. I knew that if we didn't last, his childhood friend would hop on that dick when I left him. He took it hard and called him mother to tell her everything….. we both made mistake but I'm sure I was made the main villain, Kyo kept telling me he wanted to try again and he still loved me but he was joining the marines. I had told him before he ever thought of joining that I could never be with someone who joins the marines/army/etc, etc… and I kept good on that but my best friend called him out on his bullshit about "loving me" as he had shown her photos of him at base camp but failed to remove the nudes photos of the girl I knew would take him once I was gone, my friend just told him "you love Quinn huh? You can cut the shit you have moved on, so stop acting as if you miss her".  From what I know he is married to her, she doesn't like his cross-dressing and won't sleep with him if he does dress up cuz it makes her feel "uncomfortable"…. He told me this on the last conversation we ever had, I could hear his sadness but I could hear him try to play it off like it wasn't hurting him or bothered him…. How could it not? For almost 4 years he had encouragement, support, and lots of love from a woman who fully accepted every part of him to a woman who thinks it's weird…. How the tables have turned.

I didn't stay single for long as I reconnected with my love and soon started dating again, since we last were together  we sure did a lot of growth in that time apart. It made us even stronger, I honestly can't see myself with anyone else (maybe Johnny depp lol) a girl can dream right hahaha I can feel my love's eyes rolling back hahaha. When I first told him about my love for hypnosis his reaction was the best, with a calm loving look he says "oh that's new" since then we have had our fun with it, even tho its more for me then it is for him. he is coming around to it so that makes me happy. 

i’m happy with how thing have been going on in our sexy time department, getting our kinks out and what not. i’m just glad i don’t have to worry about someone fucking up my mind, its mine! ya i want someone to play with it and get freaky with it but at the end of the day i’m still me! and not with abuser or crazy person. so watch your mind ladies and gentlemen not everyone is going to care for you so choose wisely we only have one mind, so dont loss it!

[azozzoni]

Apparently I lost the ask this prompt came from. Idk what Tumblr did. Luckily, I write everything down (and I’m sorry for taking like 8 months to write this).

Anon: Filo’s thoughts after the cafeteria scene, when he realizes he finds Elia really attractive and tries to find out if this boy is really that straight/ to get to know him better

*

It was Eleonora’s fault, Filippo decided, that he couldn’t stop wondering about Elia after he’d shown up that day at lunch. He may not have remembered him before, but he certainly did now.

“So,” he said, leaning in Eleonora’s doorway and she didn’t look up from her laptop. “How’s the plan going?”

“Plan?” she repeated, skeptical.

“To set up Elia with my Silvia?” He said it as casually as he could—Eleonora could be annoyingly perceptive and he didn’t want to raise any suspicions about why he cared about how things were going with a couple of high schoolers. He shouldn’t have cared. He should have been above it all.

Eleonora sighed, looking up from her laptop finally. “It’s not. We can’t seem to get them alone together.”

“Maybe it’s just not meant to be,” Filippo said with a shrug. “What do we know about this Elia anyway?”

Eleonora paused, seemingly thinking. Filippo was a little too eager to hear the reply if he was honest with himself.

“Marti seems to see something more in him,” she said at length, “but he’s mostly just immature and loud and impulsive.”

It didn’t sound too bad to Filippo, who was also all of those things.

“So why do you think he and Silvia would even be a good fit?”

“I just want her to get over Edoardo,” Eleonora admitted after a minute, glancing up at him. “Why do you care anyway?”

“I am just trying to make sure he’s good enough for my Silvia,” Filippo assured her, not bothering to mention that he hadn’t been lying when he said Elia was hot. He may or may not have checked out his ass the other day as he’d left too. “May I remind you, you’re the one who told me to talk up this guy I have barely met to my sweet Silvia.”

Rolling her eyes, Eleonora turned back to her laptop. “If you want to know about Elia, you should ask Martino. Maybe a different point of view would help get them together.”

Filippo merely hummed in reply, but he wasn’t thinking of getting Elia together with Silvia, not right now as he pulled up his phone and texted Martino as he turned from the bedroom.

*

“I’m pretty good at this,” Martino said as he held the battery for Filippo, and Filippo laughed.

“At being a film lackey?”

Martino nodded. “I should consider making this my career.”

“I wouldn’t mind having your pretty face following me around all day, carrying my gear, telling me how wonderful all my shots are,” Filippo said, taking the battery from Martino’s hand and replacing the one in his camera. He’d found this particular spot a few weeks ago, overgrown and covered with colorful graffiti, what looked like ruins on the far side, underneath a roadway. He glanced back at Martino, who had his hands on his hips, gazing around the brush-strewn path. “How are things with Nico?”

“Good.” Martino couldn’t stop his smile as he said it, and Filippo was happy for him, for both of them.

“And this plot to match up Elia and Silvia,” he said slowly, keeping an eye on Martino, but Martino didn’t react except to frown. “Any progress?”

“Elia keeps saying he doesn’t want anything serious, and even though Nico and Gio keep trying to say it doesn’t have to be serious, he doesn’t seem interested.”

“Maybe he’s not,” Filippo said carefully. “Have we considered he might be gay?”

Martino laughed, too long, as though the mere suggestion was ridiculous. “Are you kidding?” he asked finally, wiping tears out of his eyes. “Elia? Gay? He always talks about girls.”

“But not Silvia,” Filippo pointed out, a little annoyed that even the idea of Elia being into guys was laughable. Maybe he had it all wrong—after all, he’d done the ‘falling for a straight guy’ too many times before. “Bisexual people do exist.”

“I know,” Martino said, pausing. “I asked Nico about it once, how he could tell that he wasn’t only into guys or girls, how he… decided, I guess.”

Filippo watched him. “What did he say?”

Martino shrugged. “He said he didn’t choose, that he just knew that he liked me, not because I was a guy but because, well…” He blushed and didn’t go on. Filippo didn’t push him, setting his hand on Martino’s shoulder.

“I’m just saying, there’s got to be a reason Elia isn’t interested in Silvia. Has he hooked up with anyone else this year?”

“Not that I know of,” Martino admitted. “Actually, he hasn’t really even talked about anyone since Gio got together with Sophia. Maybe he’s not over Sophia. I didn’t think he was that into her.”

From the little Filippo had heard from Martino and others, it didn’t seem likely, but Filippo didn’t know well enough to comment.

“Maybe he just needs the right person to come along,” Filippo suggested, focusing his camera on a wall in the distance.

“Well, it’s not going to be Silvia,” Martino muttered, rolling his eyes. “But Luchino is half in love already, so maybe there’s still a shot.”

“I could talk to Elia, if you wanted,” Filippo offered, ignoring the way Martino’s head shot to him, eyebrows up. “Sometimes it’s easier to talk to someone you don’t know as well. You did, after all.”

Martino seemed to consider the offer for a minute. In the end, he shrugged. “I guess it couldn’t hurt. Nico wants so badly to be a matchmaker.”

Smiling, Filippo shook his head. “Just tell me when and where. I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

He was glad when Martino didn’t ask why he was offering because he didn’t have an answer that would satisfy him. He didn’t even have an answer to satisfy himself, but he didn’t stop Martino from texting Elia and suggesting they meet up later.

*

Martino conveniently received a text from his mom, telling him to come home, about five minutes after they met up with Elia at the bar, excusing himself and tossing a glance Filippo’s way before he left. Martino was smoother than Filippo had thought, turning to smile at Elia, who seemed a little confused at the whole situation.

Elia was cuter than he remembered, shrugging off his jacket and shoving the sleeves of his sweatshirt up to his elbows as their coffees were delivered.

“You were out with Marti?” he asked, but Filippo had no desire to talk about Martino.

“Photoshoot,” he said dismissively, setting his elbows on the table as Elia sipped his cappuccino. “He said something interesting, though, about you and Silvia.”

Elia immediately rolled his eyes, sitting back in his chair. “Jesus. I don’t know what is wrong with them. I don’t know how many times I have to say I don’t want to date her before they’ll drop it.”

“Maybe if you gave them a reason,” Filippo suggested, and Elia frowned.

“I have. Plenty. She’s squeaky and annoying and obsessed with that damn radio, plus she’s not that hot.”

“I think she’s pretty,” Filippo said, but Elia made a face.

“Well, you’re gay. You can say that.”

“And you can’t?”

“Not without someone taking it to mean I’d be willing to fuck her,” Elia replied, shoving a hand through his hair as he sighed. Filippo got the feeling he was tired of trying to explain himself.

“Okay,” Filippo said easily, smiling at Elia. “You don’t want to date Silvia. Is there anyone you are interested in?”

For a second, Elia didn’t reply, frowning at his cup. When he didn’t reply right away, Filippo sat back.

“I dated a girl once,” Filippo said, and Elia looked up, eyebrows furrowed, as though he couldn’t fathom the idea. “In middle school, so maybe it wasn’t technically dating, but we called it that. It didn’t last long, a few weeks maybe of eating lunch together, sloppy kisses that I can never forget.” He made a face. “But after we broke up, my friends kept asking who I was going to go after next, which girl I liked. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t even know really, not until I saw Andreas Rossi changing in gym class. It was like a brick to the head.”

Elia was frowning still. “You think I’m gay?”

“No,” Filippo said easily. He wouldn’t dare to presume anyone’s sexuality. “But if you’re confused, sometimes it helps to talk about it.”

“I’m not confused,” Elia said quickly, glancing up at Filippo. “I like girls.” He paused, swallowing. “And maybe I’ve thought about guys.”

It was a start. He remembered how reluctant Martino had been to even admit that he liked a guy.

Filippo smiled at Elia. “It’s not a crime.”

“My parents might disagree,” Elia muttered, but he didn’t elaborate, meeting Filippo’s questioning gaze. “I’m not keeping it from the guys. It’s just, there’s no reason to tell them. It’s not like I’m hooking up with someone.”

“So if you never find a guy, you’re just not going to tell them?” This was so far from the conversation Filippo had hoped they might have when he’d sat down across from Elia. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected, that maybe Elia would reveal some secret crush on him.

Elia shrugged in response, pushing the cup around its plate.

“We could always go out,” Filippo suggested, and he realized what it sounded like when Elia’s eyes lifted to his again. “I mean, I could take you out, to a club or something where you could have no pressure. Nobody you know, no one you’ll have to talk to again, no strings.”

Some people would have hated that idea. He knew Martino would have balked at the idea had he suggested something similar last year, but Elia wasn’t Martino. Elia was watching him with a mixture of curiosity and consideration.

“And you’d come with me?” Elia asked after a minute, and Filippo smiled.

“Of course. I’d never let you go into the lion’s den unprotected. Unless you don’t want me to.”

Elia contemplated the question for a minute before he smiled, the first smile Filippo had gotten out of him so far.

“Yeah,” he said finally. “We could do that.”

Not exactly what Filippo had been planning for when he’d sat down, but he’d take it. It was much more important to help Elia than to listen to his own hormones. And if he caught Elia gazing at him later, looking away quickly, he didn’t mention it. There’d be plenty of time to figure that out later.

[winchesterbrotherstan]

Supernatural- Route 666 (1.13)

Pairing: N/A, Olive Winchester (OC)

Summary: When Dean gets a call from an old girlfriend, Olive is forced to stay at school while her brothers investigate a racist truck. Truths about Dean and Olive are revealed, leaving Sam reeling

Warnings: cursing, racist truck??, uh implication of people having had sex, some gay shit happens

Word Count: 7449

“Okay. I think I found a way we can bypass that construction just east of here. We might even make Pennsylvania faster than we thought.” Sam spoke, tracing the route.

I pouted from my perch on the trunk of the car. Dean was sitting on the hood. Someone had called him, and he needed to take it. It wasn’t Dad though. Sam had the map stretched out on top of Baby. I tugged at it by the corners and he narrowed his eyes at me, pulling it back with a playful smile.

“Dean, you alright?” I looked up, seeing him shut his phone with a sigh.

“Yeah. We’re not going to Pennsylvania.”

“We what?” I asked, sliding off the car.

“I just got a call from an, uh… old friend.” Dean cleared his throat. “Her father was killed last night. Think it might be our kind of thing.”

“Who was it?” I perked up.

“Don’t worry about it, sweetpea.”

“What?” Sam asked, still confused.

“Believe me, she never would’ve called… never, if she didn’t need us.” Dean looked down, pain in his eyes.

I sighed. Cassie.

“Come on.” Dean opened the drivers door and beckoned to me.

I slid in under his arm and made myself comfortable in the middle seat. Sam stared at us, still very confused. I leaned over and rolled down the window of the passenger seat.

“Sams. You coming?”

                                                          ***

“Yeah, whatever, Hunter. We don’t care how you do it. Just get it done.”

“Well why are you guys rushing out?”

“Another case came up. An old family friend. We’ve gotta handle that.”

Hunter snorted on the other end. “Fine. Be safe.”

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t tell me what to do. Please don’t get ganked by a monster.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’ll see you around, Olive.”

“I sure as hell hope not.” I snapped before hanging up.

“By old friend you mean…” Sam trailed off from the front seat.

“A friend that’s not new.” Dean’s tone was clipped.

“Oh, yeah, thanks.” Sam snorted.

“It’s Cassie, isn’t it?” I asked.

Dean sighed and glanced down at me. “Yeah. It is.”

“You’ve never mentioned her. Ollie, how do you know her?”

“Her and Dean went out.” I shrugged.

“You mean Dean dated somebody? For more than one night.” Sam was bewildered.

Dean snorted. “Am I speaking a language you’re not getting here? Dad and I were working a job in Ohio.” Dean shook his head.

“One day, Dad and Dean couldn’t pick me up. She was finishing up college nearby, she offered to drive me to the motel. They met, went out for a couple of weeks.”

“And?” Sam looked at me, completely entranced in the story.

Dean shrugged, and I blew a raspberry.

“Look, it’s terrible about her dad, but it kinda sounds like a standard car accident. I’m not seeing how it fits with what we do. Which by the way, how does she know what we do?” Sam’s eyebrows furrowed.

Dean only licked his lips and I tilted my head.

How did she know?

I huffed and looked up at Dean. “How does she know?”

Dean cleared his throat and kept his eyes on the road. I snorted, and Sam shook his head, a frown forming on his face.

“You told her. You told her the secret!” Sam hissed. “Our big family rule number one! Dude, we do what we do and we shut up about it.” Sam scoffed. “For a year and a half, I do nothing but lie to Jessica, and you go out with this chick in Ohio a few times and you tell her everything?” Sam’s eyebrows were knitted together, and he looked angry.

Dean said nothing and I sighed. I had never thought about it.

“Dean!”

“Yeah, looks like.”

I sighed as Dean gunned it, engine roaring. Sam shook his head as he pulled a bitchface on. I sighed and sunk further into my seat. This was going to be a complicated hunt.

                                                          ***

“Two black people were killed on the same stretch of road in the same way in two weeks!” There was a shout from inside the office.

I flinched. Sounded like a hate crime. The boys and I looked at each other, confused. I blinked as Dean slid past the open door. Sam sighed and reached for my hand. I took it and he brought me with him, into the office.

“Jimmy, you’re too close to this. Those guys were friends of yours. Again, Cassie, I’m very sorry for your loss.”

The two men walked away, leaving Cassie to turn around. She came face-to-face with Dean and flinched. She stared at him, apprehensive. Dean broke into his classic, charming grin. I bit back a smile as she looked at him, eyes wide.

“Dean.”

“Hey Cassie.”

Sam looked down at me as I looked up at him, matching smiles on our faces.

“Hi, Olive. You’ve gotten big.”

“Hi Cassie.” I smiled, grabbing Sam by the hand and pulling him forward. “This is our brother, Sam.”

She smiled at us both before looking back to Dean. Dean sighed at her.

“Sorry ‘bout your dad.”

She huffed. “Yeah. Me too.”

                                                          ***

“My mother’s in pretty bad shape.” Cassie spoke as she bumped the door open with her hip.

“Let me help you.” I scrambled to my feet and grabbed two cups off of the tray.

I handed one to Dean, and he furrowed his eyebrows at it. It was empty, but Cassie had a pot of tea on the tray. Sam took a third cup, smiling warmly.

“Thanks, Olive. I’ve been staying with her.” Cassie sat down on one of the chairs, and I took the spot between Sam and Dean.

“I wish she wouldn’t go off by herself. She’s been so nervous and frightened.” Cassie sighed. “She was worried about dad.”

“Why?” Dean asked.

Cassie sighed as she poured the tea. “He was scared. He was seeing things.”

“Like what?” I asked, putting my tea up to my lips and blowing on it.

The fog steamed up my glasses, and I shivered, feeling cold.

“He swore he saw an awful-looking black truck following him.”

“A truck.” Sam repeated. “Who was the driver?”

Cassie shook her head as she poured a cup. “He didn’t talk about a driver. Just the truck. He said it would appear and disappear. And, in the accident, Dad’s car was dented, like it had been slammed into by something big.”

“Thanks.” Sam spoke as Cassie poured his tea. “Now you’re sure the dent wasn’t there before?”

She shook her head and poured Dean’s cup. “He sold cars. Always drove a new one. There wasn’t a scratch on that thing. It had rained hard that night. There was mud everywhere. There was a distinct set of muddy tracks leading from dad’s car… leading right to the edge, where he went over.” She ducked her head, trying to hold it together. “One set of tracks. His.”

“The first was a friend of your father’s?”

Cassie nodded. “Best friend. Clayton Soames. They owned the dealership together. Same thing. Dent. No tracks. And the cops said exactly what they said about dad. He lost control of the car.”

Dean and I looked at each other and he sighed. “Can you think of any reason why your father and his partner might be targets?”

“No.” Cassie sighed.

Sam looked up. “And you think this vanishing truck ran them off the road?”

“When you say it out loud like that… listen, I’m a little skeptical about this… ghost stuff… or whatever it is you guys are into.”

“Skeptical.” Dean huffed. “If I remember, I think you said I was nuts.”

“That was then.” Cassie sighed.

Her and Dean stared at each other, wordlessly. Sam and I looked at each other and I cleared my throat. Cassie blinked and looked up.

“I just know that I can’t explain what happened up there. So I called you.” She whispered.

The door swung open, and the four of us popped to our feet. Cassie rushed to help her mother into the room.

“Mom. Where have you been? I was so-”

“I had no idea you’d invited friends over.” Her mom cut her off.

“Mom.” Cassie cleared her throat. “This is Dean, a friend of mine from… college. This is his brother Sam, and his sister Olive.”

“Well I won’t interrupt you.” Mrs. Robinson scoffed.

“Mrs. Robinson.” Dean started. “We’re so sorry for your loss. We’d like to talk to you for a minute if you don’t mind?”

“I’m really not up for that right now.” She scowled before brushing her daughter off and leaving the room.

Dean and I sighed and Sam and Cassie looked at each other with sad faces.

“Hey, uh… you know any schools around here?” Dean asked after a second.

I flinched, staring at him with wide eyes. He avoided my gaze, so I turned to Sam. He looked down, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

“Uh, yeah. Let me just get a piece of paper to write it down for you.” Cassie said as she eyed the three of us.

                                                          ***

“This is bullshit!” I hissed as Dean put the car into park.

“Ol, you have to go to school. We’ve had this conversation before.” Sam spoke softly, but firmly.

I threw my head back with an exaggerated groan.

“Bug, we’re doing this because we love you.”

I snorted. “Bullshit.”

“Can you say anything other than that word for maybe four seconds?” Dean snapped, turning around to face me.

I sighed and let my shoulders drop. “No, I get it. You guys want me to have a good education. Sams, you want me to not be a hunter. Dean, you just want what’s best for me.”

“Which includes not being a hunter.” Sam cut in.

Dean and I both stared at him, the same expression on our faces. He put his hands up in mock surrender.

“I’m just saying!”

I huffed. “Are you guys gonna be okay?”

Dean nodded. “Still have to figure out what we’re dealing with.” A pause, then in a more gentle tone, his hand going for my shoulder. “Are you gonna be okay?”

I sighed again, then nodded. “Yeah. I’ll be alright. Call me if you have any updates?”

Sam nodded. “Of course. Make sure you pay attention though.” He grinned.

I rolled my eyes, despite the smile making its way onto my face. “I’ll see you guys later tonight?”

Dean smiled. “Promise, sweetpea. C’mere.” He grabbed my face and pressed an obnoxiously loud kiss to the top of my head. “We love ya.”

I rolled my eyes again as I opened the car door. “I love you guys too.” I shuffled out of the car and swung my backpack onto my shoulder.

“Oh!” Sam exclaimed, rummaging for something in the bag between him and Dean. “I made you this.”

I popped my head back into the car, only to see him holding a brown paper bag out for me. It had Olive :) on it in his neat boy-cursive. I smiled, feeling my heart warm itself up.

“Be careful, you guys.”

“Always. You too.”

I smiled wider. “Always.”

                                                           ***

I trudged through the hallway, one hand clutching my lunch and the other gripping the strap of my bag. It was an old bag, one of Dad’s. I only used it when I had to go to school, which was the one thing about hunting that I absolutely despised.

Being new sucked, being at a school for less than a week sucked, being there without my brothers, alone? That was the worst part.

“Hey, new girl.”

I looked up from the floor to see a girl my age, maybe older, smiling at me. She was pretty, light green eyes and light brown hair hanging in ringlets. Her face was dusted with freckles. I forced a smile back.

Shit, she’s pretty.

“What’s your name?”

“Olive.”

“Olive.” She repeated. “Nice name.”

I snorted. “Thanks. I think my brother was just hungry.”

She laughed. “Your brother named you?”

I shook my head, a real smile on my face this time. “It’s complicated. And you are?” I held a hand out to her, desperately trying to ignore the sparks on my skin.

“Taylor.” She shook my hand. “So what’s the deal?”

“I’m sorry?” I asked as we moved through the hall, past the lumps of people.

“Why are you here? I mean, nobody just moves to Cape Girardeau, Missouri on a Wednesday.”

I snorted. “Uh, my brothers…” I shook my head. “They have to move around a lot for work. Ya know, traveling salesmen.” I blew a strand of hair out of my face.

She giggled. “So… just brothers? No mom, dad?”

I sighed again. I shook my head. “Mom’s never been in the picture, and Dad is too focused on work. My brothers take care of me.”

She nodded. “Sorry. That seems heavy.”

I shrugged. “I love them, they love me. Could be worse.”

She pursed her lips. “Alright, what’s your first class?”

I giggled at her change of pace and pulled out the paper from my back pocket.

“Oh.” She groaned, nose wrinkling up. “Trig with Henderson.” She giggled. “You’re gonna hate that.”

I tsked, and she shook her head. “It’s okay, though. We’ve got it together!” She squealed, holding a hand out for me.

My heart thumped, and I took it. I felt the tips of my ears heat up as she dragged me through the halls.

                                                          ***

“Hey, bug! I’m outside, ready whenever you are.” Sam was on the other end of the phone.

Sorry, I mouthed to Taylor as I put the phone back up to my ear. “Hey Sams. Where’s Dean?”

A sigh. “He’s busy. But I’m here!”

I giggled. “Alright, I’ll be right out, Sams. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

I flipped the phone shut and turned back to Taylor. “Well, my ride’s here.”

“Sam? That one of your brothers?” She giggled.

I nodded. “Middle child, but he’s pretty great. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

She nodded, a smile on her face. “See ya tomorrow.”

I tried to bite back the smile that was growing on my face as I turned and pushed through the front doors, into the parking lot. Sam was there, in Baby’s driver’s seat. I swallowed, hard. I had known how I felt about girls since I was twelve, and while I had never said a word, Dean had caught on. Now I had to decide whether or not I wanted to tell Sam.

“Hey, bug!” He called.

“Hi, Sams.” I grinned, tossing my bag in through the window before getting in myself, then rolling the window up.

“How was school?”

I shrugged, and he made a face. “You like someone.”

I scratched the back of my neck. “I dunno.”

“Well I do. You definitely like someone. Come on, what’s his name?”

I blew a raspberry and looked at him. His grin was so big, the look in his eyes so pure. I sighed.

“Her name’s Taylor.”

“Oh! A girl.” Sam blinked. “Aw, bug. You didn’t have to tell me.” He pulled me into a bear hug.

I nodded. “I know. But I wanted to.”

“Does Dean know?”

I shrugged. “Not officially, but I’m sure he’s figured.”

He smiled, pushing my hair back. “You’re great, bug. I love you.”

I giggled. “I love you too. But can we please go home? I don’t wanna sit here in the parking lot. It feels awkward.”

He nodded as he pulled back. “Yeah, yeah, of course we can.”

                                                          ***

“Where’s Dean?” I asked Sam the second he came out of the bathroom, drying his hair.

He sighed. “I dunno, bug. He was with Cassie last time I talked to him.”

“Have you called him?”

“Nah. Didn’t wanna interrupt him. He definitely still likes her.” He tossed the towel back into the bathroom before dropping onto his bed.

I huffed. “Yeah, that’s true.”

“Alright, come on. Time for bed. You’ve got school tomorrow.”

I sighed. “Dean said I’d see him tonight.”

“Bug…”

I turned to face the door, my back to Sam. “He promised.”

Sam sighed. “I know. But he’s with Cassie.”

I shook my head. Sleeping would be difficult. I would have to sleep facing the door. It would give me nightmares if I didn’t. Dean normally slept facing the door, which meant I didn’t have to. But he wasn’t here.

“Alright, come here.” Sam patted his bed.

I turned back to him. “Are you sure?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Come on. I’ll face the door.” He smiled softly.

I broke into a smile and slid into his bed, pushing my face to his shoulder and sighing happily as he flicked the lights off and wrapped an arm around me.

“Night, bug.”

“Night, Sams.”

                                                          ***

“Why do I have to wait in the car?” I huffed.

Sam reached over and ruffled my hair. “Because you are a baby. It’s enough that I let you come with me. You should be in bed.”

I sighed and sank into the seat, fighting back a yawn. Sam tsked.

“I saw that.”

“Oh, shush.” I brushed him off.

“Alright, I’m right out there. Don’t leave the car, okay?”

I nodded. “Okay. Wait, wait, take your jacket!” I sat up, struggling to untangle the fabric from my own flannel.

“Bug-”

“No Sams, it’s cold and snowing out. Take it, I’ll be okay.”

“You sure?”

I pushed it into his hand and nodded again. “Go.”

“Okay. Love ya.”

“Love you too.” I made kissy noises at him as he clambered out of the car.

I yawned for real this time and made myself comfortable. I was bound to fall asleep. It was five in the morning, and the day before had drained me. I felt the driver’s door open, but I didn’t bother to open my eyes.

“Did you forget something?”

“Hi pumpkin.”

I spun so fast that my knees smashed into the dashboard, but I didn’t feel a thing.

“Dean!” I squealed, throwing myself at him, arms around his neck.

“Hey sweet girl.” He pulled me out of the car.

The snow landed on my eyelashes, and I clung tighter to Dean. He tightened his arms around my waist and plucked me off my feet.

“Where were you?” I asked as he swung me around before putting me back on my feet.

“Oh, I uh…” He pulled back and scratched the back of his neck.

“You were with Cassie?”

He nodded, a small blush on his cheeks. I giggled.

“Dean’s got a crush, Dean’s got a crush!” I sang.

He rolled his eyes and pulled me into his side, arm hooked around my shoulders. I reached up to my shoulder and held his hand.

“Come on, baby girl.”

“They’re with me.” Sam pointed to us over his shoulder and I pulled away from Dean with a snort as the cop shot us a strange look.

“You didn’t make it back to the motel.” Sam noted.

I giggled again, and Sam grinned.

“I’m guessing you guys worked things out?”

Dean snorted. “We’ll be working things out when we’re ninety.”

“So what happened?”

Sam sighed. “Every bone crushed. Internal organs turned to pudding. The cops are all stumped, looks like something ran him over.”

Dean and I looked at each other and he let out a huff.

“Something like a truck?”

“Yep.” Sam popped the p. 

“Tracks?”

“Nope.”

“What was the mayor doing here anyway?” Dean asked.

“He owned the property. Bought it a few weeks ago.”

“But he’s white. Doesn’t fit the pattern.” Dean tilted his head.

“Wrong road, too.” I sighed. “None of this fits.”

                                                          ***

“Have fun. Love you, cookie.” Sam grinned as I leaned forward to peck his cheek.

“Love you too, bubs.” I blew a raspberry against his temple, and he squirmed away, chuckling.

“Bye, beanie.” Dean grabbed me by the chin and pressed a kiss to my cheek.

“Bye, Deanie.” I rhymed, pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose.

He scrunched it up with a smile, and they both watched as I tumbled out of the car and toward the front door.

“Hi, Olive!” Taylor squealed from the door.

“Hey.” I grinned as she came running, reaching for my hand.

I blushed at her as she laced her fingers through mine. She was just being sweet, as most girls were, but I couldn’t help the butterflies in my stomach.

“What’s up?”

“Not much. You?”

She shrugged. “Nothing. How are your brothers? Saw them dropping you off.”

I grinned, and my gay feelings were overhwhelmed by the pride I had for my brothers.

“They’re great.” I giggled. “Dean’s gotten back in touch with an old friend, Cassie. Sammy’s alright. We both love to tease Dean.” I smiled.

She nodded. “That’s really cute.”

I tilted my head as I looked up at her. “Nothing else to say?”

She shook her head. “No. Why?”

“Uh…” I trailed off. “Most girls always come running, talking about how cute my brothers are.”

She snickered. “No. I mean, they aren’t bad looking but I’m not into boys.” She looked me up and down with a smile.

My cheeks began to burn.

                                                          ***

“I’ll see you later?” Taylor squeezed my hand.

“Uh, yeah, I don’t really know when we’re lea-”

“Bug, come on. We’ve gotta go.” Sam came up behind me, grabbing me by the shoulders.

“Wh-what?” I looked at him over my shoulder.

“It’s Cassie. Dean wanted to come get you before we go.”

I nodded. “Yeah, okay. Sorry, Ty, I-I’ll see you later.” I squeezed her hand.

“Yeah, of course. Bye. Nice to meet you, Sam.” She smiled at him.

“You too.” He smiled politely before grabbing me by the hand and dragging me with him.

“So that’s Taylor, huh?” Sam looked down at me.

“We can talk about her later.” I rushed to the car, pulling the door open. “De, what happened?” I asked as I tossed my bag over the bench and slid into the middle.

Dean threw an arm around my shoulders and sighed at Sam as he closed the passenger door.

“Truck came at her.”

“Oh God.” I mumbled. “Let’s go.”

                                                          ***

“Here.” Sam passed a cup of tea to Cassie.

Dean was perched next to her, an arm around her. His demeanor was fierce and protective, and it was like nothing I had ever seen before. He was soft toward her, gentle and calm, but if anything came near her, his head would snap up like a dog’s.

“Maybe you could throw a couple of shots in that.” Cassie spoke as her hands shook, cup rattling.

“You didn’t see who was driving the truck?” I asked, settling on the coffee table in front of them, knees bumping into Dean’s.

He looked up at me, and I could see the worry in his eyes. He was scared. Scared she’d get hurt, scared she’d die. I leaned forward and squeezed his knee, eyebrows furrowed as I glanced from him to Cassie.

“It seemed to be no one.” Cassie shook her head, and Dean glanced at me, upset. “Everything was moving so fast. And then it was just gone.” She looked up to Dean. “Why didn’t it kill us?”

Dean’s eyebrows furrowed in anger. “Whoever was controlling the truck wants you afraid first.”

“Mrs. Robinson, Cassie said that your husband said he saw the truck before he died.” Sam spoke softly, head bowed and eyebrows furrowed.

The three of us looked the same when we made the sad, pitiful expression. Eyebrows furrowed, eyes big and puppy-like, lips pressed together in a pout.

Mrs. Robinson was shaking as she spoke. “Oh. Martin was under a lot of stress. You can’t be sure about what he was seeing.”

“Well after tonight, I think we can be reasonably sure he was seeing a truck.” Dean sighed, shoulders squared and pissy. “What happened tonight, you and Cassie are marked. Okay? Your daughter could die. So if you know something now would be a really great time to tell us about it.” He growled.

“Dean.” I warned, bumping my knee into his, staring at him with a warning glance.

Mrs. Robinson nodded. “Yes. Yes, he said he saw a truck.”

“Did he know who it belonged to?” Sam asked.

“He thought he did…”

“Who?” I turned to look at her.

“Cyrus.” She sighed, getting upset. “A man named Cyrus.”

The boys looked at each other, and Dean dug through his bag. I looked at Sam, confused. He twitched his nose. It didn’t matter.

“Is this Cyrus?” Dean asked, showing her the newspaper.

“Cyrus Dorian died more than 40 years ago.”

“How do you know he died, Mrs. Robinson?” Dean’s face changed as he leaned forward. “The paper’s said he went missing. How do you know he died?”

Mrs. Robinson whimpered and a few tears fell down her cheeks. “We were all very young. I dated Cyrus a while, I was also seeing Martin… in secret of course. Interracial couples didn’t go over too well back then.” She sighed. “When I broke it off with Cyrus and when he found out about Martin, I don’t know… He changed. His hatred… his hatred was frightening.”

“The murders.” Sam whispered.

“There were rumours. People of color disappearing into some kind of a truck.” She eyed me. “Not just black people. Hispanics too.”

I flinched. My mother had been Hispanic, and while I was raised by white boys, I had picked up a bit of Spanish and I was noticeably of color compared to my brothers.

“Nothing was ever done. Martin and a… Martin and I, we were going to be, uh… married in that little church near here, but last minute we decided to elope. We didn’t want the attention.”

“And Cyrus?” I asked, catching on.

“The day we set for the wedding, was the day someone set fire to the church. There was a children’s choir in there. They all died.” Mrs. Robinson broke into a sob.

Sam and I looked at each other and I sighed. He looked at me, nodding. I sniffled as I took over.

“Did the attacks stop after that?”

“No!” She cried. “There was one more! One night that truck came for Martin. Cyrus beat him something terrible.” She whined. “But Martin, he got loose. He started hitting Cyrus and he just kept hitting him and hitting him.”

Dean sighed. “Why didn’t you call the cops?”

“Dean.” I shook my head at him. “It was forty years ago. And Martin wasn’t white.” I sighed.

“He called his friends, Clayton Soames and Jimmy Anderson. They put Cyrus’s body into the truck and rolled it into the swamp at the end of his land. The three of them kept that secret for years.” Mrs. Robinson sighed.

“Now they’re all gone.”

“So is Mayor Todd.” I glanced at Dean.

“He said you of all people would know he isn’t racist.” Dean shook his head. “Why would he say that?”

“He was a good man.” Mrs. Robinson noddled. “He was a young deputy back then investigating Cyrus’ disappearance. Once he figured out what Martin and the others had done, he… he did nothing…”

“Because he also knew what Cyrus had done.” Sam picked up, and she nodded.

Cassie looked at her mother and sighed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Mrs. Robinson shook her head. “I thought I was protecting them. And now there’s no one left to protect.”

“Yes there is.” Dean sighed, then looked to Cassie.

Mrs. Robinson did the same, looking shaken up. Sam and I looked at each other once more, and I reached over to Dean again, this time grabbing his hand.

                                                          ***

“Ah, my life was so simple.” Sam huffed as he fiddled with his phone. “Just school, exams, papers on polycentric cultural norms.”

I yawned, pushing myself to sit on the front of the car. Dean was pacing in front of us. I held a hand out to him and he took it with a sad smile as he leaned against the car, between me and Sam.

“So I guess I saved you from a boring existence.”

“Yeah, occasionally I miss boring.” Sam sighed.

Dean huffed, and I leaned against him, biting back another yawn. We were staked out in front of Cassie’s house, and the plan was to stay. I probably wouldn’t go to school tomorrow, but I would’ve rather worked a case with my brothers.

“So, this killer truck.”

Sam sighed, this time dramatically. “I miss conversations that didn’t start with ‘this killer truck’. Ahh…” He sighed again.

Dean smiled as he shook his head. “Well, this Cyrus guy. Evil on a level that infected even his truck. When he died, the swamp became his tomb, and his spirit was dormant for 40 years.”

“So what woke it up?” I asked, yawning again.

Dean wrapped an arm around me and pulled me into him. I slumped against him, and the leather jacket warmed my cheek instantly.

“The construction on his house. Or destruction.” Dean shrugged.

“Oh, right. Demolition or-” I yawned again, then sniffed. “Remodeling can awaken spirits, make them restless.” I rubbed my eyes.

Dean hummed, and Sam snickered.

“Like that theatre in Illinois, ya know?”

“And the guy that tore down the family homestead, Harold Todd, is the same guy who kept Cyrus’ murder quiet and unsolved.”

“So now his spirit is awakened and out for blood.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Dean sighed.

“Who knows what ghosts are thinking anyways.” I sighed.

“You know we’re gonna have to dredge that body up from the swamp, right?” Sam turned to Dean, who smiled.

“Jesus. Can we call the Richmonds and get their help?” I asked, looking up at Dean before yawning again.

“Man.” Sam snorted.

“You said it.” Dean huffed.

“Hey.” Cassie called, and Dean stood, moving his hand to my knee as he looked at Cassie.

“Hey. She’s asleep. Now what?”

“Well you should stay put and look after her. We’ll be back. Don’t leave the house.” Dean ordered.

Cassie smiled. “Don’t go getting all authoritative on me. I hate it.”

Dean looked back at Sam and I as we chuckled. He looked down at his feet then back up.

“Don’t leave the house please?” Dean pouted, and Cassie smiled.

They leaned into each other and started to make out, and I squirmed, giggling. It was good to see Dean with someone who made him genuinely happy, not just a passing-by hook up. Sam wrapped an arm around my waist and lifted me off the hood. I squeaked as he swung me around and dropped me in front of the passenger door.

Sam cleared his throat, and Dean snickered as he broke apart from Cassie.

“You two comin’ or what?”

Sam and I looked at each other once more with a giggle.

                                                          ***

“Alright, let’s get her up.” Sam called to Dean.

“A little more. Little more. Little more. Alright, stop!” I put a hand up to Dean.

He was driving a stupid giant tractor, which was pulling the nasty, rusted truck from the water. He turned the tractor off and hopped off, meeting me at Baby’s trunk.

“Nice going, Freckles.” I elbowed him.

“Hell yeah.” Dean grinned, popping the trunk open.

“Now I get what she sees in you.” Sam scoffed.

“What?” Dean looked up, practically elbow deep in the weapons compartment.

I rolled my eyes, and Sam laughed.

“What?” Dean turned back to us, confused, hands on his hips.

“Oh, don’t play. You’re still in love with her.”

“Can we please focus?” Dean glared at me through narrowed eyes.

“Dean, we’re just saying.”

“Hold that.” Dean shoved a canister of salt into my hands, and I huffed.

“Alright, What else?”

“Gas, flashlight…” Dean trailed off, now in business mode.

“Alright, alright, let’s go.” I pulled on his wrist.

Sam chuckled as we made our way back to the car. Dean pushed me into Sam’s chest as he opened the door. An old, rotting body fell out and I jumped back, disgusted.

                                                          ***

“Wait, no, I wanna do it!” I jumped up, reaching for the matches as Dean pulled it up out of my reach.

Sam shrugged, and Dean rolled his eyes with a smile as he handed me the box.

I lit the match and let it fall onto the body, watching as it went up in flames. I shivered, and Dean wrapped his arms around me. Sam leaned over, pushing Dean’s head out of the way to press a kiss to the top of my head.

“Think that’ll do it, De?” Sam asked.

I blinked as I looked up between them. Sams rarely called Dean by ‘De’, but when he did, it was a soft moment between the two.

Dean was about to open his mouth, and then the sound of an engine revving made us jump. Dean’s arms tightened around me and he scowled.

“I guess not.”

                                                          ***

“So burning the body did nothing?” I asked, looking up at Dean, panic growing.

“Sure it did.” Dean snorted. “Now he’s just pissed.”

“But Cyrus’ ghost is gone, right?” Sam was also panicked. “De?”

“Apparently not the part that’s fused with the truck.”

“Gimme your keys.” I held my hand out.

“What?” Dean looked at me.

I grabbed him by the jacket and yanked the keys from his pocket. I turned and scampered away before he could catch me.

“Olive, what are you going?”

“Kid, where the hell are you going?” Dean growled.

“Getting him away from you guys. I’m not white, I burned his body, I’m a good driver. I can lead him away while you guys burn that pile of shit.” I hissed, pointing at the rusted truck.

“Wait, wait!” Dean ran after me. “No, you’re a kid, you can’t just-”

“How the hell are we supposed to burn a truck, Ol?”

“I dunno, figure something out!” I ran from Dean, ducking into the car and locking the door.

“Figure some-something…” Sam trailed off.

Dean hit the window and glared at me as I started the car.

“Olive. Let me in.”

“No! Help Sam.” I hissed.

“Olive Sam Winchester! Don’t be a fucking brat, let me in.” He hit the window again.

I rolled my eyes before leaning over and unlocking the passenger door.

“Buckle up. I’m driving.” I turned the car around before slamming the gas.

“Okay, we need a plan.” Dean scoffed as he looked behind us.

The truck revved, and I pumped the gas, the Impala pushing 80 on the wet road. Dean pulled his phone out and put it to his ear, hanging onto the dash.

“Sam!” A pause. “Well we don’t have a minute! What are we doing?” Another pause.

The truck got closer. I couldn’t see the plates, and his lights were blinding me. I flipped the rear view up and floored it. Baby’s engine groaned, but she sped up to 100.

“Get back to me?” Dean mumbled, disgruntled.

“Dean, I’m gonna run out of road.” I warned, once again pumping the gas.

My phone rang, and Dean dug through my jacket pocket, snatching it and flicking it open.

“Alright, guys?”

“Sams, this better be good.” I hissed, pushing the gas as far as it would go.

She topped out at 120, and the truck was gaining quickly.

“Where are you guys?”

“In the middle of nowhere with a killer truck on our asses! It’s like it knows Olive put the torch to Cyrus.” Dean twisted around to look at the truck.

“Listen to me! This is important. I have to know exactly where you are.”

“I dunno!” I shouted back as the truck inched closer.

“Decatur road. About two miles off the highway.” Dean was sitting completely backwards now.

“Okay. Headed East?”

“Yes!”

The truck backended us, and the tires spun out.

“Fuck! Shit!” I hissed as the wheel spun before letting me take control once more, tires to ice.

Dean looked back at the truck and slid into the middle seat, putting a hand on my knee. “You’re doing great, angel, just keep going.”

“Okay, uh, turn right! Up ahead bug, turn right!”

“Hold on.” I growled to Dean as I slammed the brakes, the car swinging onto the road on the right.

The truck followed, and I pumped the gas once more, bringing her to 98.

“You make the turn?”

“Yeah, Sam, she made the turn.” Dean was trying to stay calm so that I would stay calm, but I could see right through him.

He was scared and angry, maybe more so than I was.

“Bubs, you’ve gotta move this thing along a little faster.” I pleaded, pressing the gas as far as it would go.

“Alright, you see the road up ahead?”

“No.”

“Yes.”

Dean and I answered at the same time, and I felt my blood grow colder as I checked the side mirror, only to see the truck gaining on us.

“Okay, you’ve gotta turn left.”

“Wha-left?” I looked to Dean, eyes huge.

“All you’ve gotta do is slam the brakes. He’ll keep going, you can gun it down the road. Okay?”

I nodded, waiting until I was a few yards away from the road. Dean grabbed me by the shoulders and steadied his hand against the dash. I glanced at him and he nodded at me. I slammed the brakes, lurching forward. I slipped from Dean’s grasp, my nose slamming into the steering wheel.

“Are you guys okay?” Sam must’ve heard me mumble a curse under my breath.

“Yeah, we’re fine.” I turned the wheel as far as it would go and turned onto the smaller road.

“Now what?”

“You need to go seven tenths of a mile and then stop.”

I glanced at Dean out of the corner of my eye. “Stop?” I echoed.

“Olive, it has to be exactly seven tenths.”

“Shit. Seven tenths.”

“What are-”

“Point two.”

“When it hits point nine, turn her around and stop.” Dean instructed.

I glanced between the road and the speedometer, and Dean turned around, looking for the truck.

.05…

.06…

.07…

.08…

.09

I went for the emergency brake, and Baby spun around, now facing where we had come from. I put her in reverse and backed her up a foot, now exactly between two posts on the sides of the roads, a broken down wall to Dean’s side. The truck appeared on the road, engine revving.

I glanced at Dean, and he swallowed hard.

“Guys, you still there?”

“Yeah.” I let out a breath, feeling sick to my stomach.

“What’s happening?”

“It’s just sitting here staring at us. What do we do?” Dean asked, reaching for my hand.

I took it and squeezed, adrenaline from the chase still pumping, but I was horrified.

“Just keep doing what you’re doing. Bring it to you.”

Dean and I looked at each other, and my nose began to burn. My eyes welled with tears as I breathed.

“Sammy…”

“Jelly bean, just trust me.”

Dean looked down at me and nodded. “We’ll be okay. I promise you.”

The truck’s tires began to spin in the mud, and it finally gained traction, coming right towards us.

“Dean.” My voice was quiet, and my heart felt like it was burning a hole into my stomach.

“Come on, come on.” Dean whispered as he wrapped his arms around my torso and brought me into him, shielding me from watching.

I hid my face in his shirt and began to sob as he held me tightly. The roar of the truck’s engine grew louder and louder, and I felt Dean squeeze me with one arm, the other now gone.

Nothing came, and the truck’s engine went quiet. Dean let out a huff, and I slowly looked up, confused.

“It’s gone.” He shrugged at me.

“Guys? You still there?”

Dean and I only stared at each other, confused.

“De? Bug?”

“Uh yeah, Sam where the hell did it go?”

“You guys are where the church is.”

Dean squinted, and I scoffed. “What?”

“The place Cyrus burned down. Where he killed all those kids.”

Dean looked around, and I scoffed again. “Not much of it left.”

Sam laughed, “Church ground is hallowed ground, whether the church is still there or not. Evil spirits cross over hallowed ground, sometimes they’re destroyed, so I figured, maybe, that would get rid of it.”

Dean’s eyes snapped up. “Maybe? Maybe?” Dean roared. “What if you were wrong? Olive could’ve died, Sam!”

“Hey, it’s okay.” I grabbed his hands and held them in mine, giving him my best puppy eyes.

“Huh. Honestly, that thought hadn’t occurred to me.”

Dean stared at the phone before hanging up. “Well honestly, it didn’t occur to me.” He mocked, rolling his eyes.

I giggled at the high pitch of his voice and he scowled as he shook his head. “I’m gonna kill him. Now move over, I’m driving back.”

                                                          ***

“Hey.” I whispered as Taylor slipped past the crowd of kids leaving the school and to me.

“Hi. Where’ve you been?” She asked, eyes wide and beautiful under the sunlight.

I sighed. “Um… my brothers needed help with the job… It was a late night, but we got it done.” I shook my head. “I just wanted to come say goodbye.”

Her shoulders fell and she sighed. “Does… does that mean you guys are leaving?”

I sniffled, feeling my eyes well with tears. “Taylor, I’m really sorry. I wish things could be different, but-”

“Can I just…” She cut me off, staring at me with her mouth open.

“What?”

“Can I kiss you?”

My heart went rapid-fire in my chest, and I felt my stomach get tingly. I licked my lips and nodded, and she smiled her perfect, soft, pink, heart-lipped smile before putting her hands on my neck and leaning down to kiss me. I melted into her hold, placing my hands on her waist and inching closer, onto the tips of my toes to meet her lips.

She pulled back, wiped a tear from her cheek, took my hands in hers, then smiled at me. “Maybe one day…”

I nodded. “We’ll see each other again.”

She squeezed my hands. “It was nice meeting you, Olive.”

I grinned. “Yeah. You too, Taylor.”

“Stay safe.” She let our hands fall apart as I took a step back.

I nodded again. “I will be.” I sniffled, ignoring the tears falling down my cheeks. “I’ll see you around, Ty.”

I turned on my heel and let the tears stream down my face, trying so hard to keep my breathing in check. I focused on Dean and Sam sitting in Baby. Dean looked my way, then away, and right back. He pushed out of the car and met me in front of the passenger side.

“Hey sweetie.” He brushed my hair behind my ear, face full of concern.

I let out a breath before taking another one in, body shuddering. I closed my eyes and let out a small whimper.

“Hey. Come on.”

“Bug…” Sam opened the door.

I blinked, looking up at them.

“There’s my girl.” Dean cooed.

“Is she upset?” Sam asked me, reaching out for my hand.

I shrugged as I took it. “Who wouldn’t be?”

Dean grabbed me by the cheeks and turned me to face him. I started to cry again, feeling like I was about to get yelled at.

“Listen, pumpkin. If you ever want to stay anywhere, for any reason. All you have to do is say the word.” He put a hand on my cheek and studied my face as I cried harder.

I had forgotten that this was Dean, not Dad.

“Cookie, it’s gonna be okay.” Sam’s hand landed on my back, rubbing small circles.

I sniffed and hugged Dean again, crashing into him with my arms around his middle. We were in the middle of the parking lot, and other kids were definitely watching me sob.

“Ollie, I’m serious. I would put the world on hold for you if it meant you were happy. Do you understand me?”

I nodded, feeling tears well up again.

“You are my baby.” He bent down to catch my eye. “I would do anything for you.”

I looked from him to Sam, seeing pain and pity and sadness on both of their baby-faces. I shook my head.

“I couldn’t do that to her. This stuff follows us around. I couldn’t put her in that position.” I sighed, then broke into a smile. “Besides, I’ve got absolutely everything I need right here.”

Dean smiled, brushing my hair behind my ears as he cupped my cheeks. “So… girls, am I right?”

I broke into a giggle as he smiled wider, pulling me into a hug.

“We love you, baby girl. Wouldn’t trade you for the world.”

Previous Ep: Faith (1.12)

Next Ep: Nightmare (1.14)

[spaceskam]

blood and water

Day 12 of my 12 (actually 13) days of gifts goes to the lovely @brightloveee! I sincerely hope you enjoy this even though I’m posting this at 1 in the morning. Which. Is one hour earlier than I told you I was going to post, so look at me being productive

warning: mentions of child abandonment

ao3

“I just don’t understand why you didn’t take my brother with you.”

Alex clenched his jaw as he, not for the first time, second-guessed the decision to ask Isobel to come with him. He’d woken up two mornings prior to a phone call from an unknown number and, when he answered, he’d been shocked into silence at the sound of his mother’s voice. He hadn’t heard it in years. Decades. Michael had asked him if he was okay and it was the only thing that shook him out of it enough to respond.

She had told him that she missed him and would like to see him if he was up for it. She provided her address that was painfully close by in one of the reservations and asked him to come for dinner in two days. Alex had been unsure if he was willing to put himself out there like that, but she told him there was no pressure and she would understand. She just wanted to get to know who her boy had turned out to be. 

With a little persuasion, Alex had agreed.

“Because your brother wouldn’t have kept me calm if things go wrong,” Alex admitted, “He probably would’ve fueled it while you’re really good at smoothing things over.”

“I can see him being like ‘that’s right, baby, fuck her up!’” Isobel said, mocking Michael’s voice in a way that made Alex roll his eyes, “But I see your point. Glad I can help.”

“Well, I’m paying you in food, so,” Alex said. Isobel gave a shiny grin.

Things fell silent for a little while as they continued their drive to his mother’s house. The longer they were silent, the more Alex’s mind was wandering. He tried to focus on Michael’s encouraging words that it was only one dinner and would be closure for him. Two decades had passed with him never knowing why his mother left him completely. He had theories, but none of them seemed to explain why she had waited twenty years to reach out to him.

“So, Kyle and I went on a date last night,” Isobel started randomly, turning to face him in the car. Alex had to blink a few times before her voice registered in his head. “Wanna hear about it?” 

Alex glanced over at her and got the feeling that she saw his mind racing. He smiled.

“Sure.”

Alex listened to her talk about it in specific detail as he drove, nodding his head along to her repeating basically word for word their debate on what to eat. He allowed himself to get too invested because it was easier to get invested in their dumb date. It wasn’t even a first date. It was simply a date. And Alex was so thankful for the story.

However, it eventually came to an end as they pulled up to his mother’s house. It wasn’t big and it wasn’t super impressive. It was small and the yard wasn’t very kept up with. The paint on the shutters was faded and the gutters were stuffed with debris. But the door looked normal and the mat in front had welcome written in 20 different languages. Despite that, Alex looked to Isobel for the strength to get out of his car.

“The sooner we get in, the sooner we get out,” Isobel said and Alex nodded.

He could do this.

 Walking to the door seemed to take forever. It was painstaking and he kept looking at Isobel to make sure he should keep going. Part of him wanted to bail and to just go back home to his boyfriend and his dog where things were going great. This just felt like something to disrupt it.

“We can leave if you want to,” Isobel said, “But I don’t think you want that.”

And she was right which was annoying.

Alex knocked on the door and then waited. He waited. When it finally opened, he felt like he’d been punched in the face and, thankfully, Isobel was standing close enough to grab his arm and steady him.

There in front of him was his mother.

She was shorter than him now, but, aside from that, she seemed to look exactly as he remembered. The eyes she had given him were still the same. Her hair was still as dark as his. Her smile was the same as his. Her face structure, her skin color, her everything. It was too much.

“Oh my, look at you,” she said. She reached out for a hug, but he stepped further into Isobel rather than accept it. She dropped her arms. “You’re so grown up.”

“That’s what happens after twenty years,” Alex said before he thought about it. She gave a sad little smile and Isobel squeezed his arm.

“I know. I’m so sorry it took me so long,” his mom said softly, a voice too similar to his own when he spoke to people he loved. It made him feel sick. He suddenly wished he brought Michael if only so he could’ve held his hand. “But you’re here now. I want to get to know you now.”

“And we came all this way so we could do just that,” Isobel said, giving that all too charming smile that reminded Alex why he brought her, “Hi, I’m Isobel.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Alex’s mom said, smiling kindly at her and then letting her eyes go back to Alex. “Do you guys wanna come in?” He took a deep breath.

“I guess.”

Walking into the small house felt like a whole new wave of surrealism. She had pictures lining the walls and on every surface that could hold them. There were pictures of him and his brothers, but nothing recent. They all stopped two decades prior. There were more recent ones of other children though. Pictures of her with people Alex didn’t recognize, kissing and cuddling and smiling with them all. Sometimes they were in front of Christmas trees or fancy holiday dinners, sometimes it was just because.

“Who is this?” Alex asked bluntly, pointing to a picture on the mantle. It was the biggest and it was of his mother, a man with much darker skin than them both and much more native features, and two little boys all smiling in front of a house covered in Christmas decorations. It sat badly in his stomach.

“That is my late husband, Lewis, and his sons,” she answered slowly. He looked at her sharply.

“You remarried?”

His mother gave a tight smile and nodded. This was clearly an uncomfortable topic, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“I met him a year after I left your father. We married a year after that,” she explained. He kept staring. Simply, silently begging ’and the kids?’. She sighed. “John and Rickie lived with us. They’re a bit younger than you, they moved out a few years ago. Lewis died in 2014.”

Alex stared at the picture a little longer. His mother raised two boys that weren’t hers, but couldn’t be bothered to know her own children. He couldn’t understand that. He felt anger rise in him.

“Did he know about us?” Alex demanded, “Did he know that you abandoned your children?”

“Alex, can we please talk about that after we’ve eaten? I want to know about you and your life before we get into the parts I’m not proud of,” she asked. He furrowed his eyebrows and looked to Isobel who had a painfully blank face. 

“Just tell me this one thing first. I deserve to know,” Alex said as a compromise. His mother sighed again, shifting in her discomfort.

“Yes, he knew,” she said.

“And he let you be around his children?”

“Alex.”

“And he let you be around his children?”

“Yes, Alex, he did,” she said. Alex scoffed and turned to Isobel. He couldn’t understand why someone would marry someone who was known to abandon her family. “Can we please talk about something easier?”

“Fine,” Alex agreed. Just get it over with.

“You have a beautiful home,” Isobel jumped in, still on Alex’s arm to try to keep him calm. Admittedly, it helped. 

“Thank you, Isobel,” his mother said with a forced little smile, “Should we sit down?”

Alex and Isobel followed her to the couch, exchanging a silent conversation that contained a lot of Isobel telling him to play nice with her eyebrows. He agreed reluctantly and decided that at least he’d get rewarded for it. Either by her or Michael, it didn’t matter. He could push through.

The two of them sat on the loveseat across from his mother. She picked up a mug with a slightly shaky hand that Alex assumed he had caused. For some reason, he couldn’t find any remorse.

“You guys are very cute together, by the way,” she said, hiding the smile behind her mug. Alex just stared at her.

“I’m gay,” he said simply. Her eyes widened in shock. He tried not to show how badly they rubbed him the wrong way.

“So am I,” Isobel added, giving a truly Isobel smile as she propped her chin on her fist. Alex folded his lips in and looked down at his lap for a moment.

“Oh, sorry,” his mom laughed softly, unsuccessfully brushing off the awkwardness her assumption had brought on. “You know what, I’m gonna go check on dinner.”

The moment she was out of earshot, Alex turned to Isobel with a smile.

“Isobel, you aren’t gay,” he pointed out. She shrugged, waving him off.

“Yeah, but I hate that straight people assume that friends of the opposite sex should date. Heteronormativity is lame.” 

Alex let out a soft little laugh and shook his head. He never thought he’d say it, but thank God for Isobel Evans.

“Good point.”

His phone buzzed in his pocket before they could say anything more and Alex was relieved to see it was from Michael. Isobel took the opportunity to check her own.

Michael: hows it going?

Alex: Fine. I deserve a medal for this.

Michael: i’ll see what I can do 😘

“So, uh, tell me,” his mother said as she came back into the room. Alex locked his phone and put it back in his pocket. “What have I missed in your life?”

Alex scoffed, “Everything?” Isobel elbowed him at the same time she tilted her head and gave him a motherly look that he didn’t think she had the right to. “I don’t know where to start.”

“Well, did you graduate high school?” she asked. He held his breath. She really knew nothing.

“Yeah. And then I went into the Air Force, lost my leg in combat,” he said. Her face went stoic then.

“I’m so sorry to hear that. I didn’t know,” she said softly.

“How could you when you weren’t there?” 

“He’s ridiculously smart, though,” Isobel jumped in, “He has a job at some really prestigious tech company, basically runs the damn place.” 

“Well that’s nice,” his mother said, her fake smile still in place. She kept looking him over, looking for signs that he was broken. It was the first thing he’d seen all night that had snapped any desire to make her feel bad by saying how bad things went after she left. He didn’t want her to find anything. He didn’t want her to win.

He refused to be broken.

“I live with my boyfriend, Michael. We’ve been together since high school,” Alex said with a truly cynical grin. He knew he was embellishing a little, but he couldn’t help it. Her eyes widened and her smile seemed to grow into something a bit more genuine.

“That’s so nice to hear. Why didn’t you bring him along?”

“He had to work,” Alex lied. He didn’t have to do anything. Alex had forced him to pick up the extra shift so he wouldn’t spend all day stressing.

“Oh, well maybe next time,” she said. 

Then things fell silent. He very quickly realized that he didn’t have anything interesting to tell. Well, he did, but nothing you could tell someone that was practically a stranger. He didn’t want to tell her how hard it was after she’d gone and he definitely couldn’t tell her that he was currently in the middle of dismantling a government conspiracy. There was nothing to say.

“His brothers are doing good too,” Isobel said because of course, she would be the only one to be able to continue the conversation, “I’ve only met them a few times, but they all seem happy.” It was a lie too, but it was a good lie and Alex applauded her for it.

“That’s good to hear too,” his mother whispered, “I tried to call them, but they didn’t pick up.”

Oh, so I was the only idiot? Good to know. 

“I feel like we’re beating around the bush,” Alex blurted, “Why can’t you just go ahead and tell me why you left and why it took you two decades to call me?” 

Isobel squeezed his arm again as they watched his mother shift uncomfortably in her seat. She sighed slowly and clearly seemed to be gathering her thoughts. He waited very impatiently.

“Your father… I’m sure you know, but your father wasn’t a good man. Staying with him just wasn’t an option for me,” she said slowly.

“That doesn’t explain why you left us with him. If you knew he was bad, why would you leave us with him? Why would you leave us with no one to protect us?” Alex demanded, keeping his voice steady. I am not broken.

“Alex, you don’t understand. I didn’t have the means to take care of all four of you on my own. It was better for you to live there than to live with me when I had nowhere to go.”

“I would’ve rather lived like that than live with my father.”

“No, you really wouldn’t.”

“Don’t tell me what I wouldn’t want,” Alex scoffed, “You don’t know me. You don’t know what he did to me. And you don’t know because you left and didn’t bother to even try.”

“I wanted to reach out to you, Alex, but your father made that impossible.”

“And after we turned eighteen? It was impossible then?” he wondered. Her shoulders dropped and she rubbed her eye.

“At that point, I wasn’t sure if any of you wanted to see me again.”

“Then why now? Why not just stay away now?”

“Because I realized I was missing out. I’ve already missed out on so much and I don’t want to miss out more. I want to know you and your families and your friends. I want to be a mother to you,” she insisted. She sounded so, so sincere. A younger Alex would’ve bought it. A younger Alex would’ve hugged her. A younger Alex would’ve been stupid.

“I don’t need a mother anymore,” Alex stated simply.

Her lips almost pouted. It was childish. It was frustrating. Alex wanted to leave.

“Everyone needs a mother, no matter how old.”

“Then where were you!” Alex snapped. Isobel held him in place and grounded him to reality. He took a deep breath to calm down. “Nothing you say will excuse what you did, don’t you get that? You chose a completely different life over your own children. You didn’t even try. That’s unforgivable.”

Alex watched as she closed her eyes and bowed her head. They sat in silence and, while it was probably only a few minutes, it dragged on for ages. It was too much. Alex hated it with a passion. He wanted to go home.

“I know that. I know I can’t make up for leaving you. But I would really like it more than anything if you could give me a chance to be a part of your life. Maybe not a mother figure, but just… A part of it,” Lily Manes, or whatever last name she held now, said. Alex simply looked at Isobel for permission. She gave him an encouraging smile that fueled him enough to look back at Lily.

“I’m not ready for that.”

They left the house shortly after, but they stood outside the house for an extra five minutes. Isobel pulled him into a smothering hug, a comforting hand on the back of his head as he held him close. If she noticed that a few tears slipped, she said nothing. She just waited until he was okay enough to drive.

“I’m proud of you,” she said as they got into the car, “That took guts.”

Alex looked at her, really looked at her. He felt more love for her at that moment than he had for his mother in years. She was family. 

“Thank you.”

[thinkingaboutyoungroyals]

Who Waits For Love? (Chapter 1)

Summary: T.J. Kippen lost his chance to tell Cyrus Goodman how he felt when they were in the 8th grade. Now, they are in their junior year of high school and Cyrus is on his 3rd relationship. Is it time to give up… or continue to wait for love?

A/N: I know, I know, I haven't finished "The Perfect Moment" yet. But, I am hoping that I would this week (there are only 2 chapters left). And I was super excited to write this next story that I absolutely could not wait. However, I am only posting the first chapter for now, just to get it out of the way and to get everyone excited. I will be working on "The Perfect Moment" very diligently this week so Chapter 2 for this story won't be posted until next week. 

So, please enjoy this new story of mine and let me know what you think! And if you want to be on the tag list, please let me know!

The blaring of his morning alarm rudely roused T.J. Kippen from his slumber. Groaning, he grabbed a second pillow and pressed it to his face but his phone wasn’t one to back down and continued to ring, hurting his ears. Blindly, he reached out with a hand to try and turn it off. After much fumbling, he finally took hold of it and, after much random tapping on the screen, managed to turn it off.

Sitting up, he stretched and stared at nothing for a while, not moving. He had the weirdest dream but couldn’t remember what it was. He stayed like that until his mother knocked loudly on his door, screaming that he was going to be late if he didn’t get up soon.

So, he got up and got ready for the day.

After an invigorating shower that finally woke him up, T.J. bounded out of his room and into the kitchen.

“Good morning, honey,” his mom greeted as she set a plate of toast on the table.

“Morning, mom.”

He grabbed two pieces of toast and shoved one into his mouth before pouring himself a glass of orange juice. He spied a plate of chocolate chip muffins next to the carton. He swallowed the toast and washed it down with juice.

“You made muffins?” he asked, turning to open a drawer to grab a Ziploc bag.

“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep last night,” she answered, watching as he grabbed three muffins and put them in the bag. “For Cyrus?”

T.J. grinned. “You know it.”

He zipped the plastic bag close, slung his backpack on his shoulder, and kissed his mom on the cheek before bounding to the door.

“You’re not eating?” she called out after him.

T.J. wordlessly raised the second toast in his hand to show her before heading out. He jogged to his car, a second-hand gray sedan, and got in. He placed the muffins on top of the storage compartment beside him before shoving the entire second piece of toast into his mouth. Chewing, he started the car, turned the stereo on, and began to drive.

Fifteen minutes later, he pulled up to a familiar two-story house, like he had been for the past couple of months when he finally got his Driver’s License. On the steps of the house, a familiar face was already waiting.

“Hey, Underdog!”

Beaming, his best friend, Cyrus Goodman, bounded down the steps and jogged towards the car.

“Morning, basketball guy,” he greeted, shutting the door and getting himself settled.

T.J. picked up the Ziploc bag and handed it over. “Mom made chocolate chip muffins. Not your favorite, but close enough.”

“Oohhh, I love your mom’s muffins!” Cyrus accepted the bag and excitedly opened it. He took a large whiff then sighed. “Heavenly.”

He took one out and took an enthusiastic bite, releasing a loud moan of happiness.

Chuckling, T.J. began to drive them both to school.

“Did you eat breakfast?” Cyrus asked.

“Yes, I had some toast. Don’t want someone to be on my back about it again,” T.J. replied, playfully.

“Because breakfast is the most important meal of the day! I will nag you until you make breakfast a habit!”

Ever since he got his license and his car and started picking up Cyrus every morning, T.J. tended to skip breakfast so he wouldn’t leave the other boy waiting. Unfortunately, Cyrus found out and went on a 10-minute lecture about how important breakfast was and why he needed to absolutely have something in his stomach before going to school. Needless to say, he now would try to at least have some toast before picking his friend up.

On the drive to school, Cyrus chattered on and on about his classes and upcoming assignments. T.J. didn’t mind just listening to him talk, it made the drive less boring. He chimed in when needed but otherwise, he concentrated on driving while still keeping his ears perked.

Finally, they arrived at Grant High School. T.J. parked in the student parking lot and together, the two entered the school. Cyrus continued to talk, telling him about how unfair his Physics teacher was on his last lab report.

“… so I marched right in there and demanded he gives me the grade I deserve!” he finished with a flourish.

T.J. chuckled. “Did he give it to you?”

“Of course, he did! And if he didn’t, I would have made my points known in a PowerPoint presentation.”

“Did you tell him that?”

“Maybe.”

T.J. laughed and nudged his shoulder. “You’re getting braver and braver every year. I’m proud of you, Underdog.”

Cyrus beamed up at him and T.J. couldn’t help but smile back. It always amazed T.J. how the simplest things could make Cyrus happy.

“Oh! There’s Lance!”

And, just like that, his mood darkened at the mere sound of the name.

“I’ll see you later, okay, Teej?”

T.J. forced his voice out. “Yeah, see you later.”

With one last cute wave, Cyrus bounded down the hall. T.J. watched in quiet jealousy as he jumped onto the back of another student, his lips parted in wide laughter. The guy turned around and wrapped his arms around Cyrus’ waist before leaning in and pecking his lips.

At this, T.J. turned his head away for a moment but was unable to resist. He looked back just in time to see them holding hands and walking away, eventually disappearing in the crowd of students.

“Wassup, Kippen?”

T.J. sighed and turned his head. “Hey, Marty,” he greeted with a small smile.

The two walked down the hall together, since their lockers were near each other.

“Judging from your murderous-looking face, I assume you witnessed our little CyGuy jumping into his boyfriend’s arms again, huh?” Marty said, casually.

T.J. felt a prick of irritation but he knew Marty didn’t mean anything malicious by it. Ever since they met through Cyrus and Buffy, the track star had surprisingly been a good friend and confidante to T.J. They were both athletic and considered the best in their respective sports. They were competitive. And they both liked a member of the Good Hair Crew so he supposed their bond made sense. Unlike T.J., though, Marty actually succeeded with dating Buffy. Meanwhile, T.J. remained as the best friend.

From the moment they met back in the 7th grade, T.J. knew that he was smitten by the cute Jewish boy with the pretty brown eyes and the smile that rivaled the sun. In the 8th grade, Cyrus came out as gay to him and he was over the moon with joy because it meant he had a chance. But, sadly, even though he also came out to the other boy with confidence, he didn’t have quite as much when it came to confessing his feelings.

“Marty, don’t even start with me,” he mumbled, finally reaching his locker and hurriedly putting the combination in.

A few lockers down, Marty was doing the same. “It was just an observation,” he said. “And I still don’t trust that guy.”

Neither did T.J. but he wasn’t going to say that to Cyrus’ face. Not when his friend was so happy.

A locker slammed and in a few beats, Marty was beside him. “You know, you could try to steal him away. They’re probably not even that serious.”

T.J. chuckled, humorlessly. “They’ve been dating for a month and a half. That seems pretty serious to me.”

“Pshhh. You know that’s not true. How long did Cyrus’ longest relationship last?”

“A year,” T.J. answered, immediately.

Of course, he knew. He kept track.

“And his shortest?” Marty continued to prod.

“A month.”

“See? Lance hasn’t even come close.”

He was correct about that. But, that didn’t mean that this new relationship wouldn’t last, either.

T.J. regretted being a coward back then. By the time he managed to gather the nerve and strength to tell Cyrus how he felt about him, the other boy started dating someone else. And because of that, T.J. had no choice but to back off so Cyrus could enjoy his first real relationship. It lasted a month and the two only broke up because they were going to different high schools. Back then, T.J. thought it was best to give Cyrus time to heal from his breakup before attempting to confess his feelings again.

But he made another fatal mistake: he waited too long. They started high school and Cyrus met someone new at the GSA Club. They hit it off and started dating. This one lasted a year and they were on and off throughout. They broke up when they realized that they were better off as friends and Cyrus got tired of the breakup and make up routine.

And, now, they were Juniors and Cyrus - after taking a year off from dating to concentrate on his studies and heal his broken heart - was dating a new guy...who still wasn’t T.J.

Lance was also a jock, a lacrosse player. They met a few months ago through Cyrus’ second ex (whom he was still friendly with, interestingly). Lance had, according to Cyrus, “the softest dark hair and the sweetest brown eyes” and had never dated a boy before but found him cute and sweet enough so he went for it and asked him out.

Cyrus seemed to really like him.

Cyrus’ friends did not, but they wouldn’t dare tell him that and ruin his happiness (Buffy had quite a lot to say about Lance but only around T.J. and Marty and occasionally Andi and Jonah). Besides, the guy seemed to treat Cyrus pretty well. Maybe it was their own distrust and worry for their bubbly friend that made them so protective (and the rest of them may or may not be aware of T.J.’s feelings, but he wasn’t quite sure).

T.J. stuffed the things he needed into his backpack before slamming the locker door closed.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said, walking down the hall to homeroom with Marty next to him. “Besides, I’m not the type to steal other people’s boyfriends, no matter how much I like them.”

Marty whistled. “You, my friend, are a martyr.”

T.J. snorted. “Why do you say that?”

Marty whistled again. “Four years of pining after the same guy? Anyone would go crazy.”

“Well, Cyrus is first and foremost my friend. So, it’s not a big deal if I never date him.”

Saying that out loud, though, really put a damper on his already dark mood.

“Like I said. Martyr.”

“At least I didn’t ignore him for six months just cause he wouldn’t date me,” he threw back.

Marty hissed. “Low blow, Kippen.”

T.J. chuckled. “You have to admit, it was a crappy thing to do.”

“I was 13! Do I need to remind you of the shit you used to do?”

“Your girlfriend never fails to remind me every day.”

Finally, T.J. reached his homeroom. “See ya later, Mr. Driscoll.”

“Dude, I told you, my last name is-.”

The bell rang, cutting him off. Cursing under his breath, Marty ran off to head to his own homeroom.

T.J. lightly chuckled as he settled himself on his usual seat. He propped his head on his arms on the desk and let out a soft sigh.

..........

During study hall, he made his way to the library. He had an English report to finish writing and there was a book he needed as a reference. He placed his things in a single desk by the window before going up to the librarian’s desk to ask where he could find the title he needed. She directed him to some bookshelves in the back.

He scanned the shelves, finger brushing the spines of the tomes as he carefully read the titles. Finally, he found the one he needed and pulled it out. He opened it up to a random page, scanning quickly before deciding that it was definitely the right one.

He was about to head back when hushed voices caught his attention.

“Do we have to meet here? What if someone sees us?”

“No one comes here.”

“How do you know?”

“Just, trust me, okay?”

Now, T.J. wasn’t one to pry in other people’s business. In fact, he preferred to stay out of them. But, the voice was familiar.

He took a few steps towards the end of the bookshelf and peeked around the corner.

A familiar face stood there with an unfamiliar one.

“Hey, Lance,” T.J. called out.

The two swiveled to look at him.

Cyrus’ boyfriend looked like a deer caught in headlights. “T.J. Hey. Um, we’re just working on a project.”

T.J. raised an eyebrow. He didn’t ask, but okay.

The girl with Lance flashed him a soft smile before turning around to scan the bookshelves.

“Okay, cool.” T.J. tilted his head at him before turning on his heels and walking off.

He settled back in his seat with his book. For the next 20 minutes, he forgot about Lance and the girl, too immersed in finishing his report. Finally, he ended it with a period and a satisfying crack of his fingers.

He had another 10 minutes to kill before his next class so he subtly fished his phone from his pocket. He went through his social media accounts, replied to a random text from Cyrus about his perfect score on his last History quiz, and scanned his e-mail.

There was one from the Red Rooster, so he tapped on it.

Hi T.J.,

Your order of “Cyndi Lauper "Time After Time" Demo 45 rpm” is ready for pick-up at The Red Rooster. Below is your order #.

T.J. cheered on the inside. He bought the record for his mom for her birthday and he was paranoid that it wouldn’t arrive on time.

Quickly, he took a screenshot before exiting his e-mail and opening up his messages. He tapped on Cyrus’ contact and quickly texted.

Do you mind if we stop by the Red Rooster after school? My order came in.

He put the phone away as soon as he was done, knowing that Cyrus was in class but would see it two periods from then. For now, he would just relax. He still had 5 minutes.

..........

“I can’t believe you won’t go to the Red Rooster alone,” Cyrus teased as they walked to T.J.’s car.

Well, T.J. could but he liked spending time with Cyrus.

“It’s not like I won’t,” he tried to explain himself. “I just prefer going there with you. Andi’s dad likes you.” He grinned. “He might give me a discount for being your friend."

Cyrus’ mouth fell open in mock offense. “Are you using me, T.J. Kippen?!”

“Of course not, Cyrus Goodman.” T.J. smirked as he unlocked his car. “I’m just using your connections.”

Cyrus made a face at him before breaking into a smile and getting in the car.

The drive was pleasant. They talked about their day, what happened, and what they expect for tomorrow. Normally, they sat together at lunch along with Andi, Buffy, Jonah, and Marty, but after Cyrus started dating Lance, he had been taking most of his lunch hours with the lacrosse player and his friends. Some days, he ate with them, but that day was not one of those days.

“So… how are you gonna surprise your mom?” Cyrus asked.

“Well, I was thinking about making her breakfast in bed and then giving her the record,” T.J. replied. “I probably have to wake up early, though, cause that’s a school day. You wanna come over and help me?”

“I’d have to sleep over the night before then 'cause I don’t have a car, remember?”

“Ahh, speaking of that, when are you taking your driver’s license test?”

“I'm taking my time to be mentally prepared! Driving is no easy feat, you know!”

T.J. laughed and winked at him. “Then, how come I can do it?”

“Because you’re T.J.! You can do anything.”

He had so much faith in him.

The jock hummed. “Not everything. I still suck at Math, remember?”

“But you’re getting B’s. Doesn’t sound like sucking to me.”

Ahhh, Cyrus always managed to find a way to make him remember that he was fine just the way he was. If only he would apply that notion to himself too, sometimes.

“You warm my heart,” T.J. replied, giving him a quick glance to smile at him before turning his gaze back on the road. “How about this? Whenever you’re ready, just give me the word and I’ll help you with driving, okay? That way, when you get your license, you can pick me up for once so I can sleep in now and then!”

He tried to sound annoyed but truth be told, he really didn’t mind picking Cyrus up. In fact, he volunteered.

“You volunteered!” Cyrus exclaimed.

Could you blame him? He liked having extra Cyrus-time in the morning before everyone else did.

“But… I’ll take you up on your offer… when I’m ready.”

T.J. nodded. “You got it.”

They were nearing the Red Rooster and luckily, there was an empty parking space a block away. T.J. put two quarters in the meter, figuring they wouldn’t need more than an hour. They walked side-by-side, hand lightly brushing each other’s, like they always did.

The little bell rang out when they entered. The story was practically empty. Andi’s dad, Bowie, was at the counter, talking to a couple with their daughter.

T.J. and Cyrus walked up and stood behind them to wait their turn.

Bowie looked up at them, anyway. “Hey, guys. What brings you here?”

T.J. held up his phone. “I got an e-mail about my order.”

“Oh, yeah, I think I saw the record out back earlier. Give me 5 minutes while I finish up with these lovely folks here. But, feel free to browse. I’ll bring it right out for you.”

“Thank you, Bowie!” Cyrus piped.

“Thanks!”

Cyrus looked around before gasping. He turned to T.J. “I spy some new flutes!” he exclaimed, practically skipping over to said instruments, excitedly.

“Don’t get lost!” T.J. called after him.

Shaking his head, he turned the opposite direction and headed for the back where he knew the sales items were. Maybe he could find some bargain records while he was at it.

He found a box filled to the brim with the item and mindlessly thumbed through them, his eyes sharp for anything he recognized or had an interesting title. His mind was so occupied that he almost didn’t hear the strange sounds and the scuffles, only a few feet away, until something sounded like it fell on the floor.

T.J. curiously looked up from the box. He didn’t know why but something was telling him to abandon the records and check out the noise.

He followed his instincts and took careful steps towards the back.

He frowned when he came upon a couple, in the throes of passion as their lips seemed to be glued to each other’s, in between the shelves of old CDs and vintage cassette tapes. A CD was on the floor by their feet.

Of all places to make out, it was at the back of the Red Rooster.

Red mostly from being caught off-guard by the scandalous sight, T.J. rolled his eyes and turned to leave but stopped. He just realized that the guy was wearing a Grant High School Lacrosse Team jacket.

He narrowed his eyes as he zeroed in on a familiar hairstyle… the height… the blue worn-out sneakers… and the threaded bracelet that he had watched Cyrus labor over for two weeks.

T.J. felt himself go cold. He stood there for god knows how long, just watching and trying to control the overwhelming urge to hit something.

Finally, the two must have felt his presence as they finally broke apart and the guy in the Lacrosse jacket turned around.

Lance’s brown eyes, the same ones that Cyrus gushed over, flickered from annoyance to fear.

And, T.J.’s vision turned red.

[67-chevy-baby]

Fixer Upper

Pairing - Mechanic!Jensen x Single Mom!Reader

Rating - 18+ Only!!!!

Tags - Angst, Anxiety, Fluff, SMUT (Ummm obviously), broke down car, walking alone on a deserted road, being a single mom, mentions of an ex, mentions of abuse, unprotected sex, slight dom/sub, reader on top, Jensen on top, and I think that’s it, but let me know if I need to add more to the tags.

Word Count -  2.4k

Beta - @winecatsandpizza

Fic Aesthetic - Yours truly

Written for - Smut Appreciation Day 2018

“Dammit!”

You slammed the driver’s door to your car and kicked it for good measure. A new car was definitely a need, but who could afford one in this economy? Much less a tow truck and a mechanic. To top it all off, your AAA membership you had expired a month ago. Part of you wanted to just set the hunk of metal on fire, but that would make you feel better for all of five minutes before you’d really be shit out of luck.

The afternoon sun reflected off the hood as you reached for the release latch. As soon as you lifted it up, hot grey smoke poured out making you cough.

“Well, that’s just fuckin’ perfect. Icing on the damn cake.”

You put your hands on your hips and turned to look at the long stretch of highway that went in both directions. Not only was your car broke down on the side of the road, but the nearest town was at least twenty minutes in both directions. To make things even more annoying, your phone had died about ten minutes before your car did so it looked like the only thing left to do was to start walking.

Grabbing your keys and purse, you locked the car and started walking along the shoulder of the road. At least it was nice out, not a cloud in the sky and fairly warm. The faint feeling of a summer breeze blew strands of hair out behind you as your car became smaller and smaller in the distance. A fence came into view after about fifteen minutes of walking, and if you were being honest with yourself, it was pretty inviting.

You brushed one of the wooden planks off and plopped down on it with a sigh. Maybe your Mother was right, maybe you should have moved back in with her until you could get back on your feet. But no, you just had to be stubborn and prove to her that you could make it on your own as a single mother. Swallowing your pride wasn’t something that came easily for you. So, you’d do what you always do and find a way to fix whatever was broken.

Just as you were about to get up and start walking again, a red Chevy truck came into view. You had never thought about hitchhiking, but the thought of it driving past seemed worse than the former. Your hands waved to get the driver’s attention, and then gave him room to pull off on the shoulder of the road. What you weren’t expecting was the most gorgeous man you have ever seen get out and approach you.

“Everything okay ma’am?”

Your mind was still reeling in the fact that this man was talking to you when you realized he’d asked you a question.

“Umm yeah, I uh … my car broke down and my phone died so umm … I was just going to walk until I found civilization.”

A look of concern flashed across his face as he looked around.

“How long have you been out here walking? I don’t see a car anywhere.”

You shrugged like it was no big deal and gestured in the direction of your unreliable hunk of metal.

“Cars a ways that way. I’ve been walking maybe twenty minutes? I don’t know. I kinda lost track of time.”

The man shook his head and looked firmly down at you.

“Yeah, I’m not letting a pretty lady walk alone on this stretch of road. At least let me take you and your car back to my shop. You look like you could use a break.”

Did you die and go to Heaven? There is no way that you got this lucky. The one car you see on this deserted road turns out to be a mechanic and he’s this good looking? Yeah, no, things like this didn’t happen to you.

“Thank you, sir. I don’t have much money, but I can give you what I have for gas.”

He shook his head again and opened the passenger side door.

“Please, call me Jensen. I don’t want your money sweetheart. It sounds like you need it more than I do.”

“Thanks, and you can call me Y/N.”

You smiled at him and climbed into the cab of his truck. The ride to your car and back to his shop took less time than you anticipated. You quickly found yourself warming up to Jensen. He radiated kindness and you felt like you’d known him for years. You told him you were a single mother, and how your daughter was staying with your parents until you got yourself moved into your new apartment. Mentions of your ex came up, but you tried to avoid delving too much into your past life with Tanner. He’d been abusive, and you pushed those memories to the back of your mind at all costs.

Jensen pulled his truck into a big open yard and you noticed an arched sign that read Singer’s Auto stood high above the entrance. He lowered your car to the ground and unhooked it from the hitch before leading you inside.

“Can I get you something to drink? I’ve got water, coffee, sweet tea, whiskey, rum, and any type of soda you can imagine.”

For the first time all day, your smile met your eyes. This man was too good to be true. If only you could be in a relationship with something this amazing. Jensen had to be either gay or unavailable because there was no way he was single with a personality like this. Let alone his looks.

“I’d like some sweet tea, please. Thank you so much for doing all this. I’m sure you’ve got a family to get home too, and the last thing you probably wanted to do today was help a hitchhiker and her piece of shit car.”

The confused look he gave you made you instantly regret your words. Here was this man going out of his way to help you, and your brain to mouth filter probably just fucked everything up. You didn’t want him thinking that you didn’t appreciate everything.

“Don’t get me wrong, Jensen. I appreciate everything you’re doing for me, but I just have this mindset where I wait for the other shoe to fall. I’ve never really done well in the relationship department, and I’ve always been let down eventually. You’ve only just met me and you don’t need this kind of turmoil. I should probably go. I don’t want to cause any more trouble.”

It took a moment for Jensen to get his bearings, but once he did you felt his hand gently grab your wrist. He slowly spun you around to face him, and his eyes bore into yours with a fire you hadn’t seen on a man before.

“Whoa, whoa, sweetheart wait a minute. Can’t a guy just help a beautiful lady out without her thinking she’s being a burden? Y/N, listen, I’m not doing this because I feel like I have too. I’m doing this because I want to. There’s just something about you, something that draws me in, and I can’t seem to put a finger on it.”

For a few minutes, you both were silent. Staring into each other’s eyes with such intensity made you want to look away, but something stronger kept your gaze locked onto his. Ever so slowly, Jensen closed his eyes and leaned in to kiss you. His kiss ignited a fire in your core that had been dormant for as long as you could remember.

When he pulled away, his pupils were just as lust-blown as your own. Soon you were pushed against the nearest wall, his work uniform becoming disheveled along with your outfit.

“I don’t know what it is Jensen, but I have never wanted someone so much in my life. I only just met you, and the thoughts I’m having scare me, but at the same time it’s thrilling.”

Your hands came to rest on his muscular chest as his hands cupped your face.

“It scares the shit out of me too, Y/N, but I really want this,”

Jensen admitted as he continued to devour your body with his eyes.  

“Do you want this as much as I do? If you don’t, we can stop. I’ll fix your car and we can both be on our way.  If you’d let me, though, I’d love to show you what it’s like to have a real man, Y/N.”

Instead of answering him, you pressed your lips firmly against his. Immediately his arms traveled down your small frame and came to rest on the back of your thighs. Without breaking the kiss, you jumped and wrapped your legs around his waist. His clothed erection pressed against your pussy making a small moan escape your mouth.

Jensen began leaving a trail of kisses along your jaw and down your neck. He grabbed one of your breasts in each hand and began to massage them gingerly, his thumbs grazing over your nipples making them harden instantly.

“You have entirely too many clothes on Y/N.”

You smirked and stepped away, slowly unbuttoning your shirt. It sent heat straight to your core seeing the effect you had on Jensen. His eyes roamed your body like a starving man, and the arousal in his pants was hard to miss.

“You know, I’m no expert on lovemaking, but I’m pretty sure it’s easier to do when you’re naked, Jensen.”

A low growl escaped his throat as he stalked toward you like he was a predator. He picked you up and flung you over his shoulder making you squeal.

“Jensen! Put me down! Where are we going?!”

“Bedroom.”

The one simple word held many promises as he climbed the stairs with ease. Seconds later you were placed gingerly on the comforter of his bed. He only left you for a moment to turn the light off and shut the door, and then he was on you again. His calloused hands pushed your shirt off your shoulders and slowly pulled it off each of your arms.

Even though he was undressing you agonizingly slow, you relished in the fact that a man was paying this much attention to you. Your ex was a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am kind of guy who was only interested in getting off before going back to his video games. Your mind completely forgot about your ex as soon as Jensen pulled down your bra exposing your breasts, his lips closed over one of your hardened nipples greedily sucking into his mouth.

“Mmmm Jay … Fuck that feels so good”

He moved to the other nipple paying it as much attention before leaving a trail of kisses down to your navel.

“You’re so beautiful Y/N”

Jensen made quick work of the rest of your clothes before taking his off as well. If you thought he was gorgeous with clothes on, he was even more glorious without them. Perfect was the only description appropriate for the man that stood before you.

“C’mere Jensen. I won’t bite.”

You winked at him invitingly, and he let out this full body laugh that was contagious.

“Y/N I don’t know if I believe that.”

He climbed onto the bed and positioned his body over yours before pulling you in for another kiss. His tongue swept your lower lip asking for permission which you granted almost immediately. Your body arched up, his cock hard as a rock pressing against your leg.

“Please … need you.”

Jensen smirked against your pulse point, grinding himself along your slick folds.

“Gonna have to be a little more specific Princess. Where do you need me exactly?”

If you could form a coherent thought you’d make a smartass comment, but right now you barely knew your name. Much less able to speak in full sentences.

“Fuck me, Jay! Wanna feel your cock inside me. Please!”

Jensen lined himself up and slowly thrusted inside you, his cock filling you up inch by inch was almost enough to make you cum right then. It had been a while since you’d been with a man, and he hadn’t prepped you.

“Unnghh fuck … you’re so wet and tight for me, Y/N.”

Your nails dug into his biceps, his forehead resting on yours as you both got used to each other.

“Make love to me, Jay.”

Ever so slowly, he pulled almost all the way out before slamming back into you. His moans were barely heard over your cries of need. The steady rhythm of his cock hitting your sweet spot made the coil in your lower belly tighter and tighter. You wouldn’t last long with him like this, and you wanted desperately to make him cum with you.

“Let me ride you, Jensen.”

The look he gave you was almost primal. In a matter of seconds, he had flipped over onto his back and helped you sink down onto his throbbing length.

“Christ, Y/N, I’m not gonna last like this.”

Using the muscles in your thighs, you rose up off his cock and looked deeply into his eyes.

“Neither will I, Jay. Want you to cum with me.”

His hands held onto your sides as you began to ride him. His hips rose to meet yours, thrusting his cock deeper into your soaked cunt, and pretty soon he was completely in control again. Your cries echoed off the walls as your climax neared.

“J-Jay! I … I’m so close baby! Please … make me cum!”

One of his hands left your side and began rubbing circles around your clit.

“Your wish is my command, Princess.”

Seconds later, he felt your walls tighten around his cock, as you both fell over the edge together. Your chest heaved as you aid beside him on the bed. He covered you up before cradling your face and kissing you sweetly.

Jensen pulled away, his smile met his eyes as he looked at you with nothing but love.

“So, how about some sweet tea?”

[hamilton-one-shots]

Hamilton High School AU 74

John made sure to set an alarm for early the next morning, careful not to let it wake Alexander or Thomas by shutting it off as fast as he could. Once it was silenced, he took a deep breath and got up, leaving a wall of pillows in his place to separate Thomas and Alexander before going to the bathroom and taking a thorough shower. Afterwards, he dried himself off and put on a white button up shirt, black slacks, a black tie, and black dress shoes, his hair up in a bun. He finished getting ready, then looked at himself in the mirror, taking a deep breath before leaving.

He didn't want to take Thomas's car, in case he needed it, so he called an Uber to take him to a flower shop, where he got a beautiful bouquet of white lilies, his mother's favorite flowers, then to the cemetery where she was buried. Thankfully, the driver could sense that John was in a fragile place and didn't say anything besides a quick greeting. John made a note to give him five stars for that.

When he got out of the car, he hesitated to go into the cemetery for a split second before remembering that his mom would've loved him no matter what. So what he was gay? So what he had two boyfriends? His mom would've loved him. He took a deep breath and began walking, looking around at the names. He never had the opportunity to see where she was buried, so he was a bit lost. Then he found it. The grave stone engraved with the words "Eleanor Laurens". He knelt down in front of it and put down the flowers before the sobs began. It started slow, a lump in John's throat, but, within the next minute, tears began cascading down his face in a waterfall and he cried. He cried harder than he had in who knew how long. And he couldn't stop. He didn't want to stop. He just let himself cry for at least the next hour. Then it slowly let up and he was able to speak again, his cheeks red and splotchy and his nose the same bright red as his eyes. He cleaned his face with a tissue before taking another deep breath. "Hi mom..."

He let his mind go blank and just started speaking, letting her know every little thing that happened in the years since she'd been gone. No matter how bad it was, he told her. But he doubted that it was all knew. He knew that, wherever he was, she'd been keeping an eye on him, helping him through the years. Still... he wanted to make sure she knew every little thing. He even told her about his relationship with Thomas and Alexander, making sure to emphasize the fact that Thomas had changed and that Alexander really did love him, even if he made a few bad choices. He wasn't sure how she would have felt about them or any boys who tried to date him, if he was honest. But, if he had to guess, she would have loved them just as much as he loved him.

"I brought pictures.." He pulled out his phone and looked at the pictures of his boyfriends, smiling softly. "This one's Thomas and that's Alexander. They're both really good looking, aren't they?" He chuckled to himself before continuing. "I really love them both... I know people are going to judge, they already have, but they make me happy and they protect me. They make mistakes, but they're only human. I love them, flaws and all.. I think you'd love them.." He sighed and put his phone away.

"All of the kids are okay with dad.. I wish I could watch them more often, but I think you'd be glad that I wasn't in that environment anymore.. He can't hurt me anymore.. He can't hurt us anymore.."

His father never beat or even hit his mother like he did John, but he did treat her poorly in some aspects, mainly from his own beliefs. Not letting her do anything around that time of month and yelling if he found out she did, keeping her away from her own friends, especially male ones, and family, making her change her name when they married, not using pain medication during birth and not allowing a c-section... Of course, his father refused to take the blame for John's mom's death, but he knew better.

He shook the thoughts out of his head. This wasn't the time. "I really miss you.. All the time.." He shifted so he was sitting with his legs crossed. "I made sure the triplets know all about you and how great I knew you were. They wish they could've met you.. I did my best, but we both know I could never be as great of a parent as you were.."

He felt his throat closing up again, his urge to cry coming back. He let the tears flow, but it wasn't nearly as bad as before. "Things are so hard without you.. But I'm doing just fine. I just miss you... I love you so much.."

He ran out of words to say, but he wasn't ready to leave. He'd been there for a couple of hours, but it wasn't enough. Ten years since he last saw her. It wasn't enough to come back. Then it clicked.

It'd never be enough. His father forced him away when he needed her most, when he needed to learn and accept that she wasn't coming back. He'd never have enough time catching up with her at her grave. The thought hurt, but it was true. It was never going to feel like the right time to leave. He frowned and stayed right where he was anyways. There was no rush to leave. He could stay there for hours. That was the plan.

"Sunshine?.." a soft voice called out.

"Hey, baby.." another called.

John burst into tears again. How could he not? He knew that the place he was most safe, besides with his mother, was with the two of them. What was there to stop him from crying?

As expected, both Thomas and Alexander immediately sat at John's sides and held him, comforting him as he sobbed. But they didn't try to stop his crying. They knew he needed it, that he needed to cry and get his feelings out. They just sat with him until he stopped crying on his own, letting him introduce them to his mom.

"This is Thomas and Alexander... I told you they were handsome.." He laughed softly. "And that they were sweet.. They're the best thing to happen to me besides you and the family.. I love them and they love me.. I know you'd love them.."

"We're taking good care of him," Thomas promised.

"John's amazing. We'd never try to hurt him."

"You raised an amazing son."

John smiled and shut his eyes, leaning against Thomas and pulling Alexander to lean against him. He let his tears fall until there weren't anymore, then moved to get up. "I think I'm ready.."

"Are you sure? There's no rush," Alexander reminded him.

"I'm sure." He wiped his eyes, smiling. He was never going to get over his mother's death. He was never going to accept it. But with Alexander and Thomas there to support him when he needed it, he knew things were going to be okay. "Let's get back to the hotel.. We can change into comfortable clothes, then do some walking around."

"Alright." They both got up and Thomas put his arm around John's shoulders, leading him to the car, while Alexander held his hand, walking right beside them. They got in the car and went back to the hotel. They all changed into comfortable clothes before going back to the car.

"Do you think we can see where you used to live?.. If not that's okay.." Alexander suggested timidly. He was curious about his past, but he didn't want to bring up painful memories.

"Of course we can. It wasn't a gated community or anything." John remembered exactly where he went to school and where he lived, giving Thomas perfect directions from memory.

Alexander was surprised to see that it was a normal, public school. He supposed it made sense, especially considering he still went to public school.

"My mom wanted to make sure I was around lots of kids, not just some from one social class or whatever. I refused to go to the private school and actually enrolled myself in the public middle school before my father actually gave up." That was not a fun week.. "We can go by my house if you guys want, too."

"Of course I want to see." Alexander smiled. The house was bigger than normal, but it was nowhere near the size of John's father's current house.

"You guys were probably expecting a mansion or something, but my mom tried to raise us pretty normally. She came from old money herself, actually, and she was always jealous of the kids who went to public school and whose friends weren't interested in her family name, just in her. So, she kept things pretty humble."

The only person that hadn't actually been interested in his mother as a person was his father.

John sighed and looked around. Things were exactly how he remembered them. There were a few more trees some places and a few less in others, but it looked almost exactly like- John's eyes went wide.

"John? What's up?"

He didn't respond. He just opened the door and dashed out, almost forgetting to take off his seat belt before running down the street and practically tackling someone in a hug.

Thomas parked the car and got out, following John with Alexander close behind. When they got close, they were able to see that both John and the girl he was hugging were... crying?

"... Are you Martha Manning?.." Thomas asked quietly.

She nodded and let John go, drying her eyes. "Yeah... I was the only friend this dork could make back in the day.. He told you about me?.."

John answered for him. "I told them you were sick.. I thought you were..."

"I know.. I didn't think I was going to make it, but I pulled through. I'm a few months cancer free."

Thomas felt his heart stop for a few seconds. So that's why John didn't want to tell them what happened to her.

She pulled off her beanie and showed John the short hair that she'd managed to grow back. "I'm getting my hair back, finally."

He chuckled. "I'm glad. It's a good thing you always liked it short."

"Pfft. Not this short." She smiled. "Maybe I can make something work with this, though."

"If anyone can, you can." He smiled and hugged her again. "I can't believe I'm actually here, seeing you again.."

"I can't believe you're here either. So, who are these two and are either of them single?"

John rolled his eyes. "They're both mine. This one's Thomas and this one's Alexander."

They both smiled and waved, but Martha's smile dropped.

"Thomas?.. As in Thomas Jefferson?"

"We're past that, Martha. He's changed, I've changed, we're happy together."

"I don't doubt that." She grabbed Thomas's collar anyways and pulled him down to her eye level. "You hurt John ever again and I'll make sure you regret it. Understand?"

"Yes, ma'am," he squeaked out.

"Good." She looked at Alexander. "And you, don't make me have to give you the same talk."

"Martha, you're so embarrassing sometimes."

"I have to make sure they don't hurt my baby brother." She pulled him into a headlock and rubbed her knuckles against his skull.

"When I say I've always wondered what it was like to have an older brother, this is not what I meant," he joked as he squirmed out of her grip.

She shrugged and let him go, helping him fix his hair. "I'm just saying, if they hurt you, I'm not afraid to kill a couple of people."

"I believe that. I'm just saying you won't have to."

"How are little Martha and the other three?"

"Not so little anymore." He smiled and showed her a picture of them all from when he last visited them.

"Aw, they're all so precious.." She looked at the picture and smiled. "I can't believe your dad made you leave them.."

"He was going to find out sooner or later... I'm doing alright."

"I'd expect so, especially with the inheritance your mom left you."

He furrowed his eyebrows a bit. "You know I'm not 18 yet. I haven't heard about any inheritance. I've been making money selling art."

She looked at him, confused for a second before it clicked. "You don't know.."

"Know what?"

She glanced back at Thomas and Alexander and pulled John a few feet away to talk to him a bit more privately. "After the burial, they read your mom's will. She wanted everyone who came to hear it. She left everything to you right after she died. She knew you'd be responsible."

John felt like a train hit him. "I never heard about this."

"That must be why your dad made you leave with Martha.. He knew it was coming and didn't want you to know. She cried through most of the service and he didn't make you take her until.."

"Oh my god.. I have to find out some more about this..."

"Do you think you can handle this?.."

"Yeah. That's legally mine and I've been struggling since he kicked me out.. It was her final wish. I can get this sorted out." John's father had managed to reach an entire new level of low. It was far from a fact, leaving John to fend for himself was exactly something that he'd do, but did he really believe that he was never going to figure it out?

"Sunshine?.. Are you okay?"

"Can we go back to the hotel? You guys can spend the day out, but I have to do something.."

"I don't know.. We'll go back, but I don't want to leave you.."

"Me neither."

John nodded. "You guys can stay with me. I just.. I need to do something, okay?.."

"Alright.. Let's get you back, then."

"Before you go," Martha interrupted, pulling John back towards her. She grabbed his phone and put herself in as a contact.

"That's a lesson to me to put a lock on my phone."

"Yes it is. You'd better keep in touch. I'll see you around." She hugged him one more time before letting him leave.

"Do you mind if we ask what's going on?" Alexander asked in the car.

"Kind of.. But you guys don't have to worry. I'll get everything settled." He smiled reassuringly.

"Okay.."

"You guys can look for things you want to go see and do tomorrow, okay?"

Alexander nodded.

"Yeah, we can do that." Thomas smiled at him in the rear view mirror for a second before looking back at the road as he drove them.

When they got back to the hotel, John grabbed his laptop and sat on the couch in the corner, looking up a few things while Thomas and Alexander quietly discussed what they should do. There were a few arguments that almost broke out, but they kept it quiet, for John's sake.

John stayed on his computer for a few hours, mainly exchanging emails with the attorney that had a copy of his mom's will. He found out a few things that day. First: Martha was right. John had no idea how much his mother had actually left to him. Second: He was already entitled to everything. His mom wanted him to be taken care of when she died if his father had ever forced him away or if he had to leave. Third: His father knew exactly how to get into the money. He'd been doing it for years.

The final email he received before calling it a night told him the options he had with this. Of course, there was always the option of getting his father arrested for stealing the money and getting access to what was left, which was still quite a lot. But John didn't want to take that route.

Sure, he could use the money to help him raise his siblings, but... He was going to college soon. He loved his siblings, maybe more than he did himself, but he simply wouldn't have the time to raise them... Maybe after college, but not during. Maybe not even then. His father was awful to John, but he treated them all well, rarely even raising his voice at them. The thought of himself being too busy for his siblings hurt and made him feel awful, but.. He was responsible. He knew what was best for them. He just missed them... He got up and stretched, Thomas and Alexander looking over at him as they ate.

"Are you alright?" Alexander asked.

"I'm fine. It's not something I really want to discuss." He didn't mind telling them about the money, he knew they weren't going to change because of it, it was what his father had done that kept him from saying anything, especially to Alexander. He may not have been mad about the Laurens Pamphlet and he may have trusted him almost completely... But that was still a bit iffy when it came to secrets like this. "What did you guys get?"

"Mexican food. Come eat with us," Thomas offered.

John nodded and moved towards them, sitting with them and eating. He needed it after the long day and he hadn't eaten all day. He ate most of what was left of the food, mumbling apologies, Thomas assuring him it was fine. "Did you guys figure out what to do this week?"

"Yeah, we figured some things out." Alexander showed him a master list of things that the pair agreed on and John smiled, choosing the most things that they could do while still enjoying their time.

"Looks like we have our days planned."

"Looks like we do." Thomas kissed his cheek. "Get some sleep, sunshine. You've had a long day."

"Alright.." John changed into some pajamas, then came back and crawled under the covers, falling asleep.

[thatonefromyourdreams]

I’m Sorry - [Natasha Romanoff x OC]/(4)

Some people say that when two people are meant to be, no time is too long, no distance is too far and no one can tear them apart.

Warnings: FLUFF, mild smut 

As time passed by March 31st was closer and closer and the plane ticket was lying on the table staring at me with accusing eyes.

Tomorrow.

"Don't look at me like that" I said to the piece of paper

Great, now I was talking to an inanimate object.

I was curious about how everyone looked at this point, my cousins and the rest of the bunch.

 --------------------------------------------------------

"Vale" my mom called

"¿Si?" I asked from the living room

"Can you come here, please?"

I walked through the hallways of the house until I reached her bedroom. I always thought that this room was unnecessarily big. There was a huge king size bedin the middle and a mini living room with three sofas; there was this huge flat television right in front of the bed, like I said unnecessary.

"Yes ma?" I said seating on the bench in front of the bed

"Honey, I know you've been feeling down lately, and we don't even know the reason but your dad and I set you up a blind date with one of his co-worker's son, he's gorgeous and is on his last year of law school"

I was so mad, but I couldn't say anything about it. Yes I was gay, a lesbian to be clearer, but coming out to them meant leaving design school and losing everything by just saying "mom, like dad, I adore women"

"Sure" I had to say to make her feel like I appreciated everything she had done for me

I knew that if said no she would have throw to my face everything she had risk and sacrifice for my sister and me.

She clapped her hands together.

"Great, put on something feminine, if you don't have you can borrow something from my closet"

The phone pulled me out of my trance

It was a text from Nat reminding me to fix my luggage

I took my purse and walked out the door, tomorrow at 5 am I was supposed to be at the airport for the longest weekend of my life

I got in my car and drove to the fancy compound my girlfriend and I lived in.

"Honey" I said entering with my key

"By the pool" she yelled

There she was in a tiny thong lying face down on a towel net to the pool, a figure was next to her, Wanda.

My mouth went dry, she looked delicious and I wished Wanda wasn't here so I could fuck the sexiness out of her.

"Hello"  Nat said raising her head

"Hi gorgeous" I said side smiling

"Don't smile like that" she groaned, I knew that frustrated her and loved it so I kept the smile plastered on my face

"Hi Wan" I said looking at her

"Hi Val, nice to see you" she winked

"Are you guys alone or..." I couldn't finish my sentence before Maria and Sharon appeared coming from the kitchen

"Hi Val!" Maria embraced me in a hug

"Val!" said Sharon smiling

"Well, we have only heroines in here" I said joking

"And a CEO" said Pepper taking her dress off and showing her tiny bikini like the rest of them

"You guys never invite Hope" I pouted

"Umm, she's coming, I guess" Nat said with a hint of jealousy in her voice

Hope was the most awesome human been I had ever met, besides my girlfriend of course, I considered her a sister, don't get me wrong, Wanda, Sharon, Pepper and Maria were nice but they liked other stuff, I adored science and so did Hope, she was a complete badass just like I wanted to be.

"You're my favorite girl, you know that right?" I said smiling at Nat

Her cheeks getting rose.

"I know babe" she smiled back

"Can we... uhm talk?" I asked scratching the back of my neck

"Sure" she said standing up, granting me a clear view of her beautiful breasts

She smiled knowing the effect she had on me. We walked through the house until we reached the bedroom.

"So..." she started looking at me intently

"Sooo..." I said sounding like an idiot

She smiled widely

"I'm sorry" I said "but your boobs are so distracting"

She stepped closer

"Really?" She whispered taking my hand and placing it on her right boob

"Baby, don't do this to me" I whined grabbing it and caressing her nipple with my thumb.

"Talk to me" she moaned throwing her head back

"I can't focus babe" I said getting closer so I could kiss her gorgeous neck

"Focus" she whispered biting my earlobe

I couldn't, all I could think was her amazing breast and that gorgeous boom she had, I let her boob go so I could grab her behind with both hands. I pushed her to the bed removing in one swift motion her tiny thong and opening her legs widely.

"You know there's a lot of people downstairs and you seduced me to fuck you, walking around with that tiny thong" I growled

She moaned in response

I ducked my head between her thighs eagerly

"Fuuuuuck" she moaned loudly as I starting making out with her clit

"Guys are you ohh..." my body froze at the sight of four figures standing at the door

"what the fuck!" Nat yelled

The moved fast and left almost running

"Lost it" she said angrily seating in bed

"Sorry babe" I said biting my lower lip

"Not your fault honey" she kissed me and put her bikini back

"Can you cover your uhm boobs?" I asked awkwardly I didn't want her walking around showing everything

She laughed and put a tank top on

This was going to be awkward downstairs

Hope arrived just when we were descending from the top floor

"Vaaaaaaaal!" She yelled throwing her bag to the floor and running to me, she picked me up in a tight embrace

"Hope!" I said kissing both of her cheeks

"I missed you so much" she said letting me go

"Ditto kid, I have a lot to tell you" she knew more of my life than Nat and I know that sounds messed up but apparently one of our drunken nights I spilled everything to her and she became over protective of me.

Nat cleared her throat

"Hi Natalia" she said hugging her

"Hello Hope" she said serious

"I'm not going to steal your girl, gosh!" She rolled her eyes

"Sooooo" Pepper said

"I'm so sorry guys" Wanda said

Hope looked funny at her

"We walked into them uhm..." Maria started "you know"

"Fucking?" She laughed

I could feel my ears burning

"With guests?! guys?!" Hope laughed

"You know she's pretty irresistible" I tried to sound smooth

Nat turned bright red

"She is" Hope winked

"But we're really sorry guys, that was awkward" Wanda said again

"No problem, but I guess knocking didn't hurt anyone before" I responded as Nat apparently went mute

I looked at the clock, it was almost 2:30

"Well I better get going" I said breaking the awkward silence

Natasha looked sadly at me

"I'll be back on Monday baby" I kissed her forehead

"Promise" she said

"I promise honey, I promise" I said goodbye to everyone and walked to the door, Nat behind me.

"Please take care of yourself, my whole existence is going with you" she whispered

"Shhh honey" I hugged her

"I'm going to be okay baby, I'll be back before you can star missing me" I kissed the top of her head

"Impossible, I already miss you" she said softly

"I'll call you before the plane takes off and as soon it lands there" I promised

"Be safe Val, I love you so much" she kissed me deeply, it felt like a goodbye and not the kind of good.

"You too babe, I love you" I kissed her one more time before walking to my car. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #156

“you’re such a perfect little human wreck, but i like you.”

Have you given anything up for Lent?  When I was Catholic, I mighta tried but never succeeded. Who was the last person you went shopping with?  Mom. Are you planning on dyeing your hair any time soon?  Yes.  I have a few ideas in mind. Who was the last person you saw that you haven’t seen in a while?  Hm, not sure. Do you sing in front of people or only when you’re alone?  Usually when I'm alone. When was the last time you left your cell phone somewhere?  No idea.  I rarely lose it. Do you prefer fake tanning or real tanning?  Neither.  I actually like being pale, and I also don't fancy skin cancer. Have you ever dated someone that was a different race than you?  Hispanic for less than a day (race had nothing to do with it). How old is your best friend?  23. What does your favorite necklace look like?  It's a black, spiked choker with some silver chains and crosses. Would you take a million dollars if it meant you had to die a month later?  No way. Are you a visual, audio, or kinesthetic learner?  Kinesthetic.  I have to do it with most subjects. Cover songs or the original song?  Depends. Have you ever been evacuated from a public building because of an emergency/fire?  I think for a bomb threat once? What is one responsibility you have that you hate?  Cleaning Roman's litterbox. Is there a TV show you used to love, but then lost interest in?  Not really. Do you ever worry about any potential damage you may be doing (knowingly or unknowingly) to your body?  Yeah. Have you ever been to a rave?  No. Have you ever been on public transportation that broke down or got stranded?  No. When’s the last time you did something you were really scared to do?  Recently when I had to call vocational rehab back. What’s an old video game you used to play that you really miss?  Shadow of the Colossus.  I lost the disc. :<  Haven't bothered buying it again 'cuz I wanna get a PS4 and the remaster anyway. If you have a case for your phone, what does it look like?  I don't have one. What are your feelings towards glitter?  Good shit. Are the blankets that are on your bed now made by someone you know in real life?  No. Would you ever have a child just to get someone to fall in love with you?  Oh my god, fuck off. Ever have a drug overdose? What did you OD on exactly?  Yes, and all I'm saying is it was a cold medicine. The most painful medical procedure you’ve ever had?  Getting an infected cyst drained and having not nearly enough numbing.  I felt it, all right. Have you ever met someone in person that you met online?  Yes, Sara. Ever have an ultra-sound performed on you? What was it for?  Yes, on my liver. What color is your digital camera, if you have one?  Black. When was the last time you were sick and what illness did you have?  Idk.  I rarely get sick. What is the strangest food combination that you enjoyed as a young child?  Sandwiches with potato chips in it. Have you ever had to call the cops on someone else before?  No. Are you supposed to be doing something else?  Nah. If you were with your favorite person right now, what would you be doing?  I've been having horny spikes lately, and I've also just felt extremely attached to her recently (more than normal), so probably making out tbh if she was ready. Do you own a gun?  I legally can't due to mental illnesses and a suicidal past.  I wouldn't want one anyway. Do you know how to play chess?  No. What is something the world needs less and more of in your opinion?  Less violence, more love. How hard is it for you to open up to others?  Hard as fuck. Do you think before you act in serious situations?  I sure try, but I can easily slip up if I'm mad. Ever done something you knew was wrong and kept doing it anyway?  Yes. Are you religious?  I believe in a higher power, but I don't really *act* religious. Are you superstitious?  No. Have you ever experienced insomnia?  Yes.  I went through a juncture where it was pretty serious and I couldn't sleep without Melatonin. Are there any words that you just absolutely hate?  The derogatory words for gays and blacks. Do you have an accent?  Not really. Do you say “soda” or “pop”, or something else?  "Soda." Do you believe in reincarnation?  No. Do you have auto correct on your phone?  Yep. Do you know anyone who suffers from depression?  Too many people, myself included.  But mine's well-managed. When you lost your virginity, do you honestly feel like you were ready?  I didn't realize I'd lost it until the beginning of this year lmao.  Don't ask. How much older/younger than you was the person you lost your virginity to?  Two years older. When you were younger, did you plan on saving yourself for marriage?  Yeah, oops. Have you ever had sex with more than one person?  Like, have I had a threesome?  No. What country do you think produces the best musical artists?  Tied between the US and UK, probs. Which year was your favorite year of middle school?  7th. What amusement parks have you been to?  Disney World. What is a song that always makes you happy?  Something from my childhood, probably. Are your parents still married or divorced? For how many years?  They'd been officially divorced since like... 2014. What meal do you usually miss the most?  Breakfast or lunch. Do you have the same political views as your parents?  Some. Are you closer to your mom or dad’s family?  I don't really remember my dad's family, so I can't answer this.  Though I'd honestly probably like his more. Who in your phone has a heart after their name?  Sara. Have you ever hated someone, but ended up being friends with them? More like she ended up my girlfriend lmao. Do you have a favorite soft drink? Mountain Dew Voltage is my weakness. Do you have someone who you can be your complete self around?  Just Sara. Have you ever broken a couple up? Unintentionally.  We were talking too and he ended up wanting me instead.  Probably the thing I'm most ashamed of.  She was my best friend at the time. Are you one of those people who are always cold?  No, I'm usually hot. What are you listening to?  "Get Away With Murder" by Jeffree Star on repeat ahhhhh. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?  No. If you could make your lips bigger, would you?  I don't think so, I'd have to see a preview of something. What season is your favorite and what season do you feel represents you?  Autumn is my favorite, but I think spring would represent me. Would you rather learn more about space or more about the ocean?  Space. Do you have a mental illness? If yes, how have you learned to cope with it? If no, do you ever suspect you may have one?  I have a lot, but the only two I can't really cope with is anxiety and AvPD.  I've learned with all the others in various ways.  I'm also pretty convinced I have ADD. Do you have a favorite character from the Avengers?  Thor, probably.  Or Loki. Are you alive or just existing?  Alive, finally. What is your favorite type of cookie?  Chocolate chip. What is your favorite type of candy?  Probs strawberry sour punch straws, but if you count chocolate, the Reese's square bars. What do you think is creepy that society accepts as normal?  Stealing the last person's answer: Sexualization of young girls. What do you think is a good date other than dinner and a movie?  I'm up for anything, dude. What time do you wake up most mornings?  Like, 8-ish, typically. What is something you have given a lot of thought to lately?  My future. What do you get complimented on the most?  That I've lost weight. Do you believe in soul mates?  No. Would you move out your house if you could right now?  If it was to move out with Sara, yes. Are you biracial?  No. What kind of booze did you last take shots of?  Never done shots. What color of hair do you find the sexiest on the opposite gender?  Black. If the last person you had sex with asked you to date them, would you?  HAHAHAHA NOOOOOOPE. How long until your next birthday?  A bit less than five months. When you lost your virginity, were you sober?  Yeah. Do you think your best friend’s significant other is attractive?  He's all right.  He's not ugly. Do you own any books written by musicians?  Yeah, Ozzy's autobiography. What’s the chorus to the song that’s been stuck in your head? "I'm gonna break your heart and get away with murder.  You shoulda known from the start that it wouldn't last forever.   I can't control myself; I feel like someone else.  I'm gonna break your heart and get away with murder." Who was the last member of the opposite sex to give you a hug?  Dad. Are you going to make a New Year’s resolution?  No. What does the outfit you’re currently wearing look like?  Red plaid pj pants, black shirt that says, "We would save ourselves if we could. - The Animals." Are you accepting of criticism?  Depends on how harsh it is but also the subject.  I can eaaasily get hurt over it, admittedly.  It's an AvPD thing; I get embarrassed. Have you ever felt like you couldn’t fully trust a significant other? Yes, Tyler and Girt both.  Only because I'm very scared of men now. How many relationships have you been in?  I'll just count everyone who's had the title.  Six. How long did each of those relationships last?  Idk about the first.  Second, less than a day.  Third, three and a half years.  Fourth, like two weeks.  Fifth, I think four months.  My current one is eleven months in. Has anyone lost their virginity to you?  No. Would you raise your children the way your parents raised you?  No. How long was your longest friendship?  I don't know about years, but with Colleen since girl scout days.  Legitimate, talk all the time and hang out type of friendship, middle school. Do you like facial hair on guys or do you prefer the clean shaven look?  It depends on the guy. Who was your first celebrity crush?  Jesse McCartney. How long do you usually spend on the internet in a day?  All day. .-. Would you ever commit a crime if you know you wouldn’t get caught?  Well, I already have.  Downloading music is a crime. Are you good with kids?  No. Which was the worst phase in your life?  Late 2015 - very beginning of 2017. Is it easy to make you cry?  YEAH. Are you good at applying makeup?  Noooo. Do you like pastel colored hair?  I FUCKING.  WANT IT. Do you take your medications in the morning or at night?  Most in the morning, but my second dose of my OCD med and my birth control are at night. Do you think oatmeal tastes better when made with water or milk?  I'll only eat it if made with milk. Do you like thrift stores? Yeah. Have you ever used a fake name at Starbucks?  I don't go to Starbucks. What are you passionate about?  A LOT!!!! Have you ever tried vlogging, and if yes, did you stick with it? No, I never could. What country do you most want to visit? South Africa to see wild meerkats.  For aesthetic/vacation reasons though, probably Scotland. Do you have a birthmark? If yes, what color is it?  Yeah, tan. Who is your favorite Lisa Frank character? ANGEL KITTY. What were you voted in the senior class polls?  Nothing. Do you want to give your kids common names or unique names? I'm not having kids, but if I did, there's no way I'd give them a common one. Favorite Spice Girl? I don't remember the members. Favorite Cheetah Girl? ^ Backstreet Boys or *N Sync?  The boiz. What is your favorite tattoo that you’ve seen?  Those by Brando Chiesa.  Fuckin' aesthetic.  I'd die to have a tat by him. Do you knit or crochet?  No. What season do you want to get married in?  Autumn. Is your Pinterest cluttered? No. What is your favorite insect?  Butterflies. What bugs scare you?  Most, really. Who picked your name, your mom or your dad? Probably Mom.  I can't imagine Dad having much of an opinion unless it was awful. When was the last time you got a new phone?  Like... three years ago. Have you ever made your parents cry?  Mom, yes. Have you ever been cheated on or had a guy move on extremely fast after a long, seemingly sincere relationship?  I'm aware Jason was talking to a girl preeeetty soon after our breakup.  I'm sometimes suspicious if he was cheating or liking someone more than me and thus he lied about the reason for the breakup, but I'll give him enough credit to say I doubt that. Have you ever had someone tell you they wanted to be with you forever only to have them break up with you?  ^ :) Does your ex’s new romantic interest know about the things you two did together?  I don't know if Jason's taken now, but I don't see why he would share anything. Do you ever tell your current significant other about the things that you did with an ex-partner?  I'd only tell her in she asked.  It's not something I'm gonna just randomly talk about. Have you ever felt like your heart actually stopped?  The moment I realized Jason was leaving, it legitimately felt like everything stopped.  Can we stop with questions that bring him up? What’s something you’ve vowed to never eat?  Wild animal/venison. Are you good at holding back your laughter if needed?  NO. Have you ever had a “thumb war” with someone?  Yeah, has any kid not? What was the last movie that made you teary-eyed?  Johnny Got His Gun. Have you had two friends that absolutely hated each other?  Not absolutely hated, I think. Has a laptop ever burned your legs?  Yes.  I actually had marks for quite a while. Do you know anyone who has a scar through their eyebrow?  Juan. Have you ever just screamed really loud in an attempt to feel better?  Once that I recall.

[sending-the-message]

My Lucky Charm by Pippinacious

I thought I knew what it was to be afraid. I thought I knew it when I was ten and realized I didn't like girls in the same way all the other little boys seemed to. I thought I knew it when I was fourteen and had my first kiss with Stacey Andrews behind the school and felt absolutely nothing. I thought I knew it when I was sixteen and couldn't lie to myself anymore.

I was sure I knew what fear was the first I said I was gay out loud to my parents.

Dad left the room and Mom sat very still in her chair, her eyes downcast and fixed on the arm of the sofa. She was quiet for a long time, until I wanted to beg her to speak, to say something, anything, but my own throat was too tight to let any words pass. Finally, she looked up.

“Do you know why I call you and your brother and sister and father my hummingbirds?” She asked softly.

I shook my head, a jerky, nervous motion. I'd never thought much about the nickname, it was one she had always used. I had just thought it was because she liked the small, colorful birds.

“Because a group of hummingbirds is called a charm,” she said, “and my life has never been so charmed as when I met your dad and had you kids. God gave each of you to me exactly as you were meant to be and I will never love you any less for being who you are. I don't care who you bring home, James, I only care that you are loved and you are happy.”

When Dad returned to the living room, he found Mom and me hugging and crying and he snorted before retaking his seat in his recliner, a sandwich and beer in his hands.

“You manage to get it all out?” He asked around a mouthful of food.

“Oh shush,” Mom said, wiping her eyes.

“What?” I looked between them, uncertain and still a bit on edge since Dad hadn't really reacted yet.

“We've suspected for years, Jimmy,” Dad said plainly. “Mom’s had that speech prepared for a while in case you came out.”

“I just wanted you to know that we love you no matter what,” Mom gave Dad the stink eye and he shrugged.

“You still the same Jimmy you been the last seventeen years?”

“Y-yeah,” I said.

“Then do you need me to give you some kinda monologue about how nothing has changed and you're my son and the only thing I've ever cared about is your happiness?”

“No,” I said and the beginning of a smile tugged at my lips. He'd said everything I needed to hear under the guise of a gruff dismissal.

“Alright then, can I finish my show?”

Even with their support, the fear I thought I'd known didn't go away. It just got bigger, changed into something new. It was no longer a hypothetical fear of “What if people know”; it was now “They know, what will they do?”.

Not everyone I came out to was so accepting, and not everyone kept it to themselves. I lost friends, lost my spot on the swim team, had rumors started about me. I received threats and anonymous notes in my locker telling me go kill myself. As far as I knew, I was the only gay kid in our small school and some of the other students made it their mission to let me know just how isolated I was.

I endured though, with the help of my siblings and my parents and the friends that I still had, and I graduated high school with a full scholarship to a state university hours away from my hometown. It felt safer there, more accepting, and everything I'd lost to the small minds I'd left behind, I regained quickly; my confidence, my happiness, a sense of belonging.

Little by little, that fear that I carried with me started to fade into background noise, still there, but out of focus. I did well in my classes, discovered a previously untapped love of computer science that led to a change in my major, joined a programming club with some of my classmates, I even went on a few dates with a guy I met in my dorm.

“I knew you'd do great, hummingbird,” Mom told me over the phone during our weekly phone call. “Shout out if you need anything, ok? I love you!”

My first semester was an amazing time and I was able to put a lot of high school’s negativity behind me.

And then Dad called.

There'd been an accident when Mom was on her way from work. A drunk driver going too fast down the wrong way hit her head on. He lived. She didn't.

I went home for the funeral. I helped carry my mother’s casket. I tossed a calla lily, her favorite, into her grave after she'd been lowered in. I accepted the whispered sympathies and apologies of the mourners in line with my family. I listened to my dad sob alone in his room for the first time in my life that night.

But I didn't cry. My grief was sharp and constant and there were moments I thought I'd suffocate beneath it, but for some reason, I couldn't cry. I just lay awake at night, staring at the ceiling and thinking of my mom and how different life was going to be without her.

A week later, I hugged my dad and my brother and my sister and I went back to college.

Things changed quickly even though I didn't mean for them to. I was distracted and flighty and I lost interest in my schoolwork. My dorm room suddenly felt like a cage and I paced restlessly with a constant need to be on the move, to be busy and unthinking. I got my hands on a fake ID, something I'd never even considered before, and started going out to clubs and bars with older friends.

I drank too much, stayed out too late, ignored the little nagging voices in my head that said I needed to get back on track. Every night was spent out, every day spent in bed, hungover and ill, but I just kept doing it. There was freedom in recklessness, pain and remembrance both far away things, and I hid from Mom’s death in the bottom of any bottle I could get my hands on.

I was a sloppy, careless drunk. I was an easy target.

It was just after two AM. I had stumbled out of the club after a fight with my not-quite-boyfriend, who had become concerned with my drinking, and was stomping back towards campus. I had just wanted to have a good time, and he'd ruined the whole night. I made it a couple blocks before dizziness and nausea overtook me and I had to rest against the side of a building while the world spun around me.

I hadn't realized I was being followed until someone’s fist slammed into my stomach.

The taunts seemed to come from all directions, ones I naively thought I had escaped: queer, fag, cock sucker. Something about me “gaying up their club” and how nobody wanted to see a couple of guys making out. I was able to focus enough to see it was two of them, obviously a bit drunk themselves, egging each other on and taking turns hurling insults. Trying to walk away just riled them further.

The street, a quiet row of closed shops and dark alleyways, was empty and the punch had sobered me just enough to know I was in a very bad position. I tried to run, hoping if I could back to a better populated place, they'd be scared off, but my legs were like jello and the ground pitched and heaved unsteadily.

It didn't take long for them to catch me.

I was dragged back to a car, where one of them kept me pinned against the backseat, out of sight from the window, while the other sped off. They cheered and mocked and shouted the whole, long drive, taunting me with things they planned to do to me.

The car was parked alongside a long, unlit road and they dragged me between them, down a ravine, into the thick line of dark trees.I begged and pleaded, tried to pull away, but they were too strong.

I had thought I knew what it was to be afraid. I learned a whole new level of fear that night.

I was afraid of my helplessness and of the pain. I was afraid of all the blood and the cracking bones and of the way one eye swelled shut and I couldn't see. I was afraid of the things they said and even moreso of what they did.

I was afraid I was going to die.

I think they thought I had. I faded in and out of consciousness and, every time I came to, I thought this was it, the last time I'd wake up. Their torture lasted until the sun started to come up and the alcohol had fully worn off and they could finally really see what they had done to me. I couldn't move, could barely breathe, and I just lied there with only a single thought, shouted out in a child’s wounded voice, echoing in my head: Mommy, Mommy, Mommy.

They swore and spit on me and laughed still, but there was a nervousness now.

“What do we so with him?” One asked.

“We gotta get rid of him.”

“Let's just leave him.”

“You want to get caught and let this fag ruin our lives? We gotta get rid of the body. There's some shovels and shit at my house. We'll get them and come back.”

They argued all the way back to the car. It roared into life in the distance and there was a squeal of tires and then they were gone and I was alone. All I could smell and taste was iron, all I could feel was fire and ice. My sight was hazy. Tears leaked freely from my eyes, stinging in hot trails down my face as darkness seeped into my mind again, accompanied by that same little boy voice calling out for his mommy.

Something brushed against my cheek. Despite how soft it was, it sent an electric shock of agony up my broken face and instinctively, I pulled away, which only sent more waves of pain rolling through me. It did it again and I let out a gurgling groan. Again and again, it kept touching my cheek until I opened my eye and searched feverishly for the source of my torment.

A hummingbird, bright green and red even in my bleary vision, was hovering over me.

It turned its tiny head this way and that and then whizzed in a fast circle around me, chirping wildly. When I didn't move, it was at my face again. Very gently, but deliberately, it poked the end of my nose with its beak. I sputtered at the touch, which might as well have been a fist upon my broken nose, and it fluttered in place just above me, its wings beating too quickly for me to keep up.

When I still didn't move, it poked me again and again, until I pushed myself on to my stomach to keep it away from my face. But it was persistent and kept needling at me, beating at my head with its wings, chirping and swooping. I could barely stay conscious and didn't know what to make of my newest attacker.

It went on and on, and I dragged myself a little bit away in an exhausting, excruciating attempt to get it to leave me alone.

But then a second hummingbird joined it, buzzing around my head and jabbing its beak into my scalp and neck. I couldn't lift my arms to swat at them, I could only grab at the ground and wiggle my way forward while the pair took turns dive bombing me.

A third appeared, and then a fourth, and they were all over me, until I was screaming weakly at them to stop. Their chirps were loud and endless and ringing and they picked at my clothes and hair and drilled their tiny beaks into my flesh. Every time they connected was like nails raking across my skin. When I tried to lay still and cover my head, it only got worse, they became agitated and louder, more violent. They only let up when I hauled myself away, inch by agonizing inch. When I stopped, they'd dive again.

For such tiny birds, they were able to inflict a great deal of pain.

More still came, until the air seemed alive with buzzing, vibrating wings and chirps that turned to screeches. They surrounded me, buffeting me and poking and prodding and screaming, and I kept trying to move forward and escape, but they followed, unrelenting. If I tried to turn off in a different direction, they'd swoop as one against my side until I was forced back on to my original path.

Every tiny movement hurt in ways I'd never imagined, but it was worse to be still, when the hummingbirds would attack, and so I did my best to keep my head down and to keep moving, to try and find some shelter from the birds. It seemed an endless, hellish hunt for relief.

It wasn't until I felt the warmth of open sunlight on my battered body that I dared to look up.

Somehow, impossibly, I had managed to crawl from the cover of the woods into the open ravine. There were cars speeding past overhead. There were people who could help me. I tried to shout, but I had no voice, no strength, and I slumped against the ground, praying for someone to notice.

Overhead, the hummingbirds had risen in and circled where I lay until they looked like a tornado of shining feathers.

Cars started to slow and then a few pulled over. People were getting out of their car and taking pictures and admiring the hummingbirds, which started to swoop again so close that I could feel the rush of wind as they passed.

“Hey, is that...there's a person down there!” I heard someone say distantly.

“He's right!” Someone else agreed.

As a handful of people started to slide down the ravine towards me, the hummingbirds rose once more and disappeared back into the tree line, until only one was left. It had settled on a thin branch and was watching with sparkling black eyes.

An ambulance was called and, as I was loaded onto the gurney and carefully carried back to the ravine’s slope, that final hummingbird sang one more time and the took off.

I was in the hospital for weeks recovering. I gave my statement to the police, tried to remember everything I could about the two who had almost killed me, and then I focused on healing. It took me a long time to shake the anger, longer to start overcoming the fear, and it was only then that I started to think of those hummingbirds.

Those hummingbirds who had pushed me forward. Those hummingbirds who had ensured that I didn't stop and give up. Those hummingbirds, who had made sure I survived.

Everyone else who was there that day agrees it was a miracle that those hummingbirds happened to be there when I was to attract people’s attention. They say that they were my lucky charm. I disagree, though.

Shout out if you need anything, she had told me during our last phone call, and I had done just that, crying out in my mind for her when I needed help, just as I always had.

No, it hadn't been a miracle that saved me.

It had been my mom.

[omuii]

tagged by: @piiess! thank you 😎

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

LAST:

1. Drink: water 2. Phone call: the last phone call i actually answered was over two weeks ago 3. Text message: my last text was to my dad saying “i really want to go to college” 4. Song you listened to: california girls by the beach boys 5. Time you cried: earlier today actually because my dad told me that his super conservative, homophobic, racist parents would’ve changed their opinions and still loved me if they were alive today and knew i was gay because i was always their world

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: like the same person twice? no 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: i was really wasted one night and made out with this guy maurice that i had literally just met that night 8. Been cheated on: not that i know of 9. Lost someone special: yeah 10. Been depressed: a better question is have i ever NOT been depressed 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: yep :^) the first time i had been drinking vodka and root beer and in the middle of the night my mom woke my drunk ass up asking if i was okay and if i had been drinking and all i kept saying was “i had too much root beer”

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: greyish blue, prussian blue, pastel blue, i love blue

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: yas 16. Fallen out of love: yes 17. Laughed until you cried: numerous times 18. Found out someone was talking about you: yes 19. Met someone who changed you: yes 20. Found out who your friends are: yes 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: my gf

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: at least 100-150 of them, mostly classmates from high school + family and friends of friends 23. Do you have any pets: my cat socks who just hacked up a hairball as soon as i started answering these questions :^) 24. Do you want to change your name: no, i love my name a lot 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: drank champagne and ate chicken enchiladas and chocolate chip cookie cake 26. What time did you wake up: it’s 4:17am and i just woke up at 3:30am after 12 hours of sleeping 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping 28. Name something you can’t wait for: a happy future 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: like ten minutes ago i peeked into her bedroom she’s asleep 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: *slam dunks my depression straight into the fucking garbage* 31. What are you listening right now: my loud, ice-filled air conditioner 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: my uncle tommy who ironically is the last someone special that i lost 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: my parents, people in general 34. Most visited website: tumblr, facebook, nationstates, fanfiction.net, iemoji.com, my college site

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: i have beauty marks in random places if those are moles 36. Mark/s: too many to list, i’m covered in hundreds of scars 37. Childhood dream: to be a veterinarian 38. Hair color: brown 39. Long or short hair: long, when it’s down the very ends of my hair reach my ass lol 40. Do you have a crush on someone: yes 41. What do you like about yourself: my self-esteem has improved a lot in recent months, i look in the mirror and think i’m beautiful and i don’t hate who i am as a person anymore 42. Piercings: 6 in total, three on each ear. 5 lobe piercings, one cartilage 43. Blood type: O- 44. Nickname: tess, bees, omuii 45. Relationship status: taken by my gf 46. Zodiac: vile, vile scorpio 47. Pronouns: they/them, she/her but i prefer you use those only if you actually know me 48. Favorite TV Show: the x-files, ghost adventures, the sopranos, the twilight zone

49. Tattoos: none 50. Right or left hand: right-handed with everything except guns or bows 51. Surgery: none 52. Hair dyed in different color: never dyed, but one time at a carnival i got some of it sprayed green with temporary spray when i was a kid 53. Sport: not active in any of them right now, but i’m looking into training for kick-boxing again as well as muay thai and krav maga, and other sports i love are street hockey, volleyball, lacrosse, american football, football, and swimming 55. Vacation: i’d give anything to go back to the mountains 56. Pair of trainers: trainers are sneakers right? yfip me: new jersey dialect. i have 1 pair that i wear regularly and then a pair of grey converse that have been collecting dust for 20 years

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: i’m hungry but it’s late and i’m tired and don’t want to wake anyone up 58. Drinking: water 59. I’m about to: pass the time until i can sleep again 61. Waiting for: college, my parents to wake up, my last driving lesson + road test 62. Want: to be happy. also if my back would stop hurting that’d be a good bonus 63. Get married: it’s one of my dreams tbh, to get married and have kids 64. Career: a writer if i could actually get myself to write. but i’m thinking veterinary school or a career in agriculture/sustainable living

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: hugs 66. Lips or eyes: eyes 67. Shorter or taller: no preference 68. Older or younger: depends 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: all tummies are nice tummies 71. Sensitive or loud: neither 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: i’m a hesitant trouble-maker

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: if you count that kid maurice then yes 75. Drank hard liquor: yes 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: i love a pair of glasses one night when i was really drunk and never found them again, thankfully i had a spare pair 77. Turned someone down: sort of 78. Sex on the first date: no 79. Broken someone’s heart: i have no idea 80. Had your heart broken: yeah but i’m definitely over it lol 81. Been arrested: no but i got brought home at 3am in a cop car once 82. Cried when someone died: yes 83. Fallen for a friend: yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: not very much 85. Miracles: sometimes 86. Love at first sight: sometimes 87. Santa Claus: no but i still watch the norad santa tracker every christmas religiously 88. Kiss on the first date: to each their own but don’t do this to me

OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: chelsea, james, a shit ton of my internet friends 91. Eye color: blueish greyish blue 92. Favorite movie: fargo, the grand budapest hotel, the book thief, the jungle book (live action), deadpool, probably more

NOW, TAG 20 PEOPLE:

@to-japan-and-back, @pachiponikosan, @fern-is-bored, @7eokjin, @lordsardine, @fallenprussiansoldier, @perisaur, @mallowmint, @arturkirkland, @mrkikuhonda, @kiebitze, @belarusaph, @elderprvce, @aphusa, @nescafes, @hetaliamatsu, @furealdo64, @flowersangelsdeath, @vunv, & @der-kurfuerst

i just tagged the last 20 mutuals in my activity, don’t feel obligated to do this if you don’t want to

[pasteltarrasque]

thanks @lemongogo​ for tagging me to talk way too much about myself. an excuse is always appreciated :P

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

LAST:

1. Drink: coffee ! 2. Phone call: if skype calls w my dnd group don’t count, then my Granny 3. Text message: “link fucking one hit disintegrated a teenage hill troll” 4. Song you listen to: the acoustic version of stay by zedd and alessia cara 5. Time you cried: i think last week ?

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: nah :/ 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: i’ve only kissed one person and Yes 8. Been cheated on: not that i kno of!  9. Lost someone special: Oh Yes 10. Been depressed: ur looking at it 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: i was getting there, but didn’t actually

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: blue, green, and peach!

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: yep! 16. Fallen out of love: kinda 17. Laughed until you cried: probably 18. Found out someone was talking about you: Oh Yes 19. Met someone who changed you: yep 20. Found out who your friends are: ye 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: neop

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them ? 23. Do you have any pets: i have a bunch of plants, and that’s generally the same. i got a sansevieria, a peace lily, an ivy of some sort, a christmas cactus, aloe vera, and a couple small cacti and succulents 24. Do you want to change your name: nah, it’s a good one 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: i stayed home and ate birthday cheesecake, then that weekend i went to stay at my cousins ! wish i could’ve done more, but it was nice ^-^ 26. What time do you wake up: usually between 6-8 am, but during the summer i stay up way too late so i sleep in til like 9 or 10:30. my body physically cannot sleep in past 11 am, i do not kno y 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: playing dnd  28. Name something you can’t wait for: getting another tattoo sunday! 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: october 20th, 2015 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my sister is more supportive of me being gay 31. What are you listening to right now: i like me better by lauv ~ 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i had a best friend growing up whose dad is named tom, so at least him 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: not right now, but give me a day and my brother’s gonna eat me out of the house and i’m gonna b so pissed 34. Most visited website: it’s a blue shit show, take a fucking guess

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: nope 36. Mark/s: i got some freckles scattered kinda weirdly,  37. Childhood dream: i kept changing it growing up, but the big ones have been dog groomer, ornithologist, and opening a used bookstore in my hometown ! 38. Hair color: brown 39. Long or short hair: short short  40. Do you have a crush on someone: not really 41. What do you like about yourself: i’m a good friend i hear ? and i’m generally p strong and fit, and now that i’m part of a dnd campaign that gets into A Lot of things i’ve been writing lil fics for it and they’re p good i think! 42. Piercings: just my ears 43. Blood type: 0 neg!! i try to donate as often as i can 44. Nickname: rae and rach, nothing too creative :/ 45. Relationship status: single pringle 46. Zodiac: cancer ! 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV Show: i’m only a couple eps in rn, but brooklyn 99 ! i just don’t watch a lot of tv shows tbh

49. Tattoos: i have one on my foot of the asl “i love you” sign that my mom drew, then i’m getting one sunday of some flowers that have a lot of meaning to me on my side ! i don’t want more than that i think, besides adding a lil bee to the flowers later. just lil things that mean a lot to me and i can easily cover up 50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: i almost had my appendix removed when they thought i had appendicitis, but the only actually surgery i had was when i had my wisdom teeth removed 52. Hair dyed in different color: rn the ends r a bit lighter than my natural color, but in general i’ve never dyed my hair too far from what it is naturally 53. Sport: rock climbing 55. Vacation: i wanna go to france one day :0 56. Pair of trainers: i have my blue running shoes i like a lot, and some off brand converses

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: nothing, tho i should  58. Drinking: ^ 59. I’m about to: get myself lunch and then write some even tho i should b working on stuff to sell on etsy shhhhhhhhhhh 61. Waiting for: the next time my dnd group can have a game ahhhh 62. Want: to finish painting and cleaning my room jfc kid get to work 63. Get married: IT WOULD B QUITE NICE TO HAVE A WIFE WHOMST I LOVE AND LOVES ME BACK MY DUDE  64. Career: either open my used bookstore, or actually use my computer science degree i’m working on to get a cool techie-something job

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: i defoo get more hugs which i love, but i think kisses from the right person would be Pretty Great 66. Lips or eyes: eyes 67. Shorter or taller: both r nice 68. Older or younger: in a relationship ? kind a more the same age i think 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: i’m such a lesbian for buff arms 71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive 72. Hook up or relationship: relationshipppp 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: lil bit of troublemaker i guess, i’m too hesitant myself

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: nope 75. Drank hard liquor: yea 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: yep 77. Turned someone down: yepyep, guys only hit on me now that i kno i’m a lesbian apparently 78. Sex on the first date: i don’t think i’ve ever even had a proper date 79. Broken someone’s heart: not that i kno of !!! i hope not !!!!!!!! 80. Had your heart broken: not romantically  81. Been arrested: nopppe 82. Cried when someone died: not at her funeral, but for sure 83. Fallen for a friend: ye

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: i think so 85. Miracles: sure 86. Love at first sight: not really 87. Santa Claus: nah 88. Kiss on the first date: it happens whether i believe in it or not, but would i do it ? if it’s a good date then Sure  

OTHER:

90. Current best friend name: lucy :0 91. Eye color: bluee 92. Favorite movie: i haven’t seen it yet, but i know, in my heart, it’s wonder woman

NOW, TAG 20 PEOPLE: i taggggg [insert ur name here if u wanna do it!]

[ichoiheedong]

Alexander  pt.2[BTS Jungkook ] (M)

jungkook x reader (y/N)

bts members

Genre : angst/smut/fluff

Mature contents: this is not a fairy tale leave if you don’t like it,

Summary: he gave me fire and i need to find him ;with him i saw stars ,i wasn’t scared i felt safe.. i liked his kisses and i wish we meet again …

part 1 2 3 4 5

MASTERLIST

happy valentine’s Day lovelies ^^

react and reblog please 

 “Sweetheat “taehyung hissed near your ear

 you couldn't sleep last night so you just drank some antidepressant pills you heard him but you were feeling heavy and dizzy, with some force you finally opened your eyes "Oppa! 

You grinned it was always healing seeing taehyung face "Enough sleeping and come out with me i want to show you something 

 you Stritched your hand "are you inviting me for a breakfast ?”

 "Let's say late lunch y/N "

“ whaaat?!! You jumped sitting and grabbing your phone 4pm fuck! How did i just sleep all this time!!

“  Get ready and let’s go out it's valentine day don’t you want to go out?

 "You rolled your eyes "are you teasing me! You know i will not 

Taehuyng chuckled "cute, oppa is asking you now so get ready "

“ i prefer to sleep more go out with that girl you like” you stuck your tongue out and covered your self again

taehyung pulled the blankets off and threw it in  the floor you shouted when he started tickling you 

“ok ok oh god it’s ok i’m getting ready 

“can’t you let her live in peace “the sudden entrance of Namjoon made both you and tae looked the door that revealed his long frame 

Namjoon was totally different from taehyung he cared a lot about you but he never showed that maybe because he was the eldest brother and maybe because he couldn’t show so much feeling

“oppa i missed you and i’m sorry you said hugging him 

“don’t do it again “me and tae care about you next time just tell us we will be here for you he grinned and you could easily see his cute dimples 

“oppa is cute “you chuckled touching his right dimple 

“hyung !! can you delayed this for an other time i need y/N to go out with me right now 

“oppa! it’s not like you’re my only brother you gritted your teeth and Namjoon chuckled seeing his two donsangs fighting like kids 

any way i’m here to give you this “namjoon said pulling out a car key with a red ribbon “this is for you sweetheart ,the white Rover you wanted “

your lips parted , it’s not like you couldn’t buy it your self but receiving it from your brother was more special 

“oppa you’re not kidding me right !!” 

namjoon chuckled for your brothers you were the cutest creature and you just loved them like a lot 

“why didn’t you tell me you want a plane i would buy you one in your birthday “taehyung let out and you giggled 

“okay i will be glad using it for a Hawaii trip 

it was always like that a grace life, a girl who had it all ...

getting ready in less than 15 minutes, you hurried out to check your new car you even asked taehyung to go with you to wherever he was planning to take you and he nodded 

you felt exciting ,the wheel steering felt perfect in your hands 

“here we go” you shouted and taehyung was hypering with you he was some one who easily got into the mood 

you both decided to park when you found a good caffé 

taehyung remained silent just after the waitress left you and you frowned 

“oppa what’s going on with you ? you seemed really exciting an hour ago tell me

“i wanted to tell you about something “

your heart raced feeling the serious tone of taehyung you came closer

“tell me ! is Minyoung unnie ok “

yeah ! god how did you know i’m about to speak about her taehyung showed you his ressauring smile and you hit his arm “you scared me

“yaah i’m your oppa ! behave ,any way how does this look ? he said taking out from  his pocket a beautiful soft blue box and opened it it turned to be an engagement ring 

your lips parted “oppa it looks wow !”

“so do you think she will like it “

“oh god oppa are getting married i can’t believe 

“why ? do i look like a gay he put back the box in his jacket and focused with you “i’m planning to propose to her tonight and i wanted you to be the first one who knows 

“awww babe you pinched his cheek ! my adorable oppa you were happy

all your family member have a clue about taehyung famous love story but you didn’t expect he will propose in such an occasion 

“congrats oppa

-

you rolled the road heading to kim’s enterprise ,dropping your brother in the company “where are you going now”

“getting my fuel tank empty  hhh you stuck your tongue and waved him good bye and drove off 

 you just rode passing by many places but you completely forgot about your appointment and you couldn’t let taehyung feel any thing 

it’s been years now and it was your secret something you only suffering from and no way in hell you will let your family got involved in 

“hey Albert “you said when he picked the phone

“hi why didn’t you come to day are you ok 

i got antidepressant again and i over slept i’m sorry 

“i’m still in my office y/N ssi you may visit me if you can “ he answered you with his healing voice and you nodded 

“i’m coming “

it has been a year now and you still visit doctor Albert; your psychologist you stepped out side your new car and headed inside 

you needed help 

flash back a year ago 

i don’t know how to say this but ..you nervously licked your dry lips and looked to the soft features of this doctor he seemed a good listener ,someone in his late thirties 

“let’s bring it from the start Miss he said and you felt relaxed 

“i’m scared “ you let out closing your eyes 

relax and take it off your chest you’re here to say what you can’t outside you’re safe 

hearing him you relaxed and your clinched fists loosened 

you wanted to speak out about every thing it’s getting more suffocating though 

“i have  an Orgasmic dysfunction is also known as anorgasmia or female orgasmic disorder that’s what my gynecological told me 

“when did you found out about this ? 

the tension came back again and you felt like crying “i was raped .. you let out feeling your tears running on your cheeks  the dark and scary memories hit you hard again 

Albert bent more so he could reassure you 

“it’s ok you will feel better right after continue ! 

“it was when i was twelve years old.. it’s been ten years now i was left alone at home for a while and some one came in, you gasped for air 

“and do you know that some one? do you see him in your mind right now as i’m asking you about him 

“i only know he was a worker in our holiday’s house back in that time i was a kid and i didn’t know his features as he was always putting a big hat, you dag your self more into the long chair , i was scared 

“who knows?

your lashes moved slowly so the drops of tears were no more bothering your vision “no one , actually he got into an accident right after the incident and i felt scared  i didn’t dare to tell any one i thought i will heal my self as god already burnt him in fire the day he did that to me but it was difficult 

i grew up dangerously beautiful, and i tried to forget i was waiting for my first sex experience so i will forget that incident and live my life but i was just ..”you stopped 

“ i had a difficult time reaching an orgasm i thought it was because i didn’t love that guy specially because i could be sexually aroused but i can’t and i kept changing my partner i was seeking for some one i will fall for i truly thought i need to love my partner to feel him but hearing my friends talking about their sex life i found out i was different , i started to fake an orgasm so the sex will stop it was just like that for years until last month 

“what happened last month “albert kept questioning you   smoothly 

i was in Germany visiting mom and i was in the club i’m sure i felt something different i’m totally sure because of that man  

“something like what ?”

“ Waves lapping onto a sandy beach with ripples following one after another ; firecracker in my brain, eyes roll back…panting hard…frozen, unable to move.my Legs stiffen, back arches, a moan escaped i met some one who made me feel curious he made me feel special it was like he knew what i was waiting for 

“and where is that some one ? 

end of flash back

“welcome y/N ah “ you warmly shook his hand in this year both you and him grew close and friendly he was for real a savior 

“i was expecting you not to escape your visit today he grinned tell me why you’re into medicines again you looked great last month 

“it’s been a year now and i’m not able to find him “

“Alexander?”

--

jungkook left the shower towards his dressing he chose to wear his black outfits for tonight it was the same style he always felt comfortable with it seemed crazy for him to do this when he never find that girl again but tonight it was valentine’s day a day both supposed to meet in last year ...

“i know i lost my chance last year hyung “he said talking in his phone jungkook barely heard yoongi voice but he never gave up he will stay he will wait who know when she will appear he needed to find her before he will leave to his mother country tomorrow night 

---

a what ?,  you asked still can’t understand what your dad just said 

“it’s your chance to shine y/N your dad said” doing such a project will help a lot of people who needs help i know how much you are into charity so i decided to let this mission between your hands

“how am i supposed to work with them i don’t know them” you pouted still couldn’t get from what hell your father came up with this project idea 

“actually you know the few of them 

you rolled your eyes “ of course if they are all from reach families it means either they are my classmates , my sunbaes or maybe i saw them in one of the party and rehearsal dinners 

“you were always smart your dad grinned and you looked back at the work papers 

“3 months is the period we decided to give for you to built something you will meet your partners tomorrow and i’m sure you will get along with them 

“don’t you have their name list ,” you asked and he chuckled 

“it means you’re ok with this 

“i’m ok with any thing will make me not see grand pa you mumbled and took your papers 

“babe your dad stopped you 

“what is it?

“don’t forget to take all your needs i hope you will like the dorm....

--

jungkook stepped out his black car with Min yoongi he found out he wasn’t the first coming one as he spotted 4 cars already parked in there 

“she is a hell ,a cold spoiled princess ,girls in her university always say she had a bad reputation, but the most crazy thing all men want her 

“do you think she will make the life in the dorm a hell for her friends ?? 

“i’m sure because there is no smoke without a fire i hope she will not fire us 

jungkook who already heard the two maids conversation took of his sun glasses he was about to ask them when he saw the scared look in their eyes noticing the girl coming from the white rover 

yoongi was finally standing by his side he didn’t talk as he followed all their gazes towards the sunshine that just left the car 

“omg she is here “the girls whispered and bowed from their place 

jungkook thought he was dreaming “hyung!! “

“emm”

“what  i just said about sending some one who will replace me

“yeah!?”

“forget it “ .......

oh no oh no oh no no no 

pewww hello again well let me say i’m in love with BTS new songs like i’m screaming from miles and i hope u all hear me  

well get your right together kim y/N hell is waiting you