#my original post was legacy so i hope this is okay~!

[anthrcpophagi-moved]

continued from here! @sewninto

The sudden shift in atmosphere nearly makes Maren drop her stolen goods. It takes a moment— and a suspiciously friendly wink— for her to realize what’s going on. She ought to be ashamed that she was caught, that she’d been too obvious in her devious behavior. But she should’ve also been thankful. As the man behind the counter mutters swears in some language she can’t make out, Maren takes a chance to stuff the bag of sweets into her backpack, and even takes a chance of grabbing an extra one while she has a second. Maybe if the girl confronted her, Maren could buy her allegiance with stolen candy. A peace offering, of sorts.

Once the stolen items are tucked far enough into her bag, Maren zips it up and rounds the corner, eyes wide like a startled child. She hesitates a moment, watching the pair of strangers interact. The man’s clothes are stained red and it takes a beat for Maren’s brain to realize it’s not blood. Not yet. She swallows again, meeting the other girl’s gaze and offering her a grateful nod before gripping the straps to her backpack and moving towards the door. If she could make it outside without alarms going off, she’d consider it a win. Anything else that happened outside of the store would be handed as it came.

[averlym]

litany of the martyrs (click for better resolution!)

[dcfanfictioncatalogue]

Hey this is an amazing idea! Do you have any fics exploring what would have happened if Steph lived/stayed Robin?

okay so this one was actually pretty tough so I found a couple that filled this prompt exactly & tossed in a few other fics that don't touch on war games but are set during her robin run. hope this works! sorry for the extremely long wait I have no excuses this time </3

Allegro Vivace, by Hinn_Raven (@secretlystephaniebrown). 4.8k, G, gen. summary: stephanie brown is never fired as robin, and that changes everything. my notes: exactly what the prompt is! this is a beautiful piece that glosses over wide swaths of time, zeroing in on intricate moments that betray a beautiful understanding of the characters.

&&

the leaving is still the same, by CloudDreamer. 900, T, rape/noncon. summary: stephanie brown survives her encounter with the black mask. the thing about living is that you keep having to. my notes: this is immediate war games aftermath with steph surviving -- but is veryy hurty with no happy ending. I personally love this piece as a gorgeous exploration of steph's mental state, but if hurt no comfort isn't your cup of tea, I can respect you skipping this one.

&&

CALMING NOTION, PERPETUAL IN MOTION., by orpheusaki (@damianbugs). 2.5k, G, gen. summary: what it means to be a legacy, even for those you don't wish to carry. my notes: okayy so we're getting into "not clearly a steph-lives au but we're in robin steph territory" but this was SUCH a lovely fic and despite my bravado I do love a good bruce-manages-to-communicate moment and I think the way robin is discussed as steph's and as a concept is lovely here I just love the weight of this

&&

To Salvage One Sadness, by Nokomis (@nokomiss). 1.6k, G, gen. summary: dick had to hear secondhand that there was a new robin in gotham. my notes: ohhh boy I do love a fic originally posted in the mid 00s. anyway, again we're not in a steph-lives moment but we're set solidly during her run and given the complete lack of dick & steph interaction I live for any genuine moments of connection people manage to find them in fic. LOVE both of their characterization here

[jewishvitya]

Rowling had nothing to do with Legacy and I think most people forget that. She wasn't even consulted. WB bought the license and the devs did whatever they wanted. "Sirona" is a beautiful, feminine Celtic name associated with healing, and "Ryan" is an extremely common Irish surname. I feel like people are looking for reasons to be offended, especially when it comes to trans characters and antisemitism. The goblins are not and have never been Jewish stereotypes. They're a fictional race. They're based on Tolkien's goblins and old English folklore dating back to the 1400's, where they have always been depicted and small, ugly, and greedy. Rowling herself was shocked by the antisemitism rumors and staunchly stated they weren't true. Just like the rumors saying lycanthopy is a metaphor for AIDS. Just... who thinks of this stuff?

What's really sad is people have argued that Sirona was never meant to be trans, but a male character that the devs rendered to look "more feminine" at the last minute. People have made fun of her voice and said it's "too masculine", so obviously WB just hired a man to voice her and changed her gender later. But that's not true! Her VA is actually a trans woman and the backlash against the character must be devastating to the VA.

Okay, so, I don't think you're here in good faith. You're here to be dismissive. But I'll reply anyway, just in case I'm wrong.

One thing at a time.

I'll start with the one point you made that I agree with: the VA. She doesn't deserve to have her voice scrutinized and criticized. That's horrible, no one deserves that. I did see - and share - the misinformation that Sirona Ryan was voiced by a man, and I regret that. I edited it out of my post as soon as I knew, but this is tumblr and unedited versions do go around. I hope more people will see that corrected, and leave the VA's voice alone.

Now for the mess you threw at me.

Hogwarts Legacy is related to Rowling by virtue of existing within the world she created. It's still her goblins, since she gave her permission to create this, and she let it be added to the canon.

Rowling's world is the context.

I don't care that she wasn't consulted about the details, that just means the other creators are bigots too. When you build within a world that has such large issues, where so much time and effort was devoted to highlighting and criticizing those issues, and you create a story that continues all the problems from the original canon and adds to them - that's a choice that I have a right to criticize. They had the benefit of being a google search away from knowing how to be respectful about all of this, and they did the opposite.

Sirona Ryan IS a beautiful real name, that's not the issue. I already wrote this post where I tried to explain the reaction, but I accept that maybe my feelings about this name come from cultural ignorance. If that's the case, I apologize, and I'd love to be corrected.

My real issue with the game is the antisemitism.

You say "folklore dating back to the 1400's" as if that's far too old to be influenced by antisemitism. Fun fact: antisemitism is older than goblins. Antisemitism is literally millennia old. At least as old as Christianity, which is the root of many antisemitic ideas. It's older than many European mythological creatures, and it infuses a lot of European folklore and mythology, down to the depictions of witches with their pointy hats. Stories about goblins being used as a way to dehumanize Jewish people is not new. And using a fictional race of non-humans as stand-ins for real groups of marginalized people - either intentionally or not - is a very common practice in storytelling. Most fantasy races have those roots to them. But even then, where, in the original lore of the goblins, did they control the banks?

It doesn't matter if Rowling was shocked by the claims of antisemitism and it doesn't matter if she denied them. The reality of her story is that she created an antisemitic depiction. I can believe that it wasn't her intention, but that doesn't mean it's not what she did.

You don't get to look at an antagonistic group that embodies EVERY SINGLE TRAIT THAT WAS ASSIGNED TO MY PEOPLE TO DEMONIZE US and tell me that's not antisemitic.

I already made this list, but let's do it again. All antisemitic traits that can be found in Rowling's goblins. I'll break it down to the original book canon, the movies, and the game.

Books - Rowling's actual canon:

Short, with clever swarthy faces, sallow skin and pointed beards

A guttural language

Ruthless and known for their greed

Pursue someone who owes them money with violent threats

Have cultural differences that make them impossible to trust

Harmed by dark wizard but still suspected to support them

Only worth associating with for their metalworking and control of the economy

She placed a goblin's rebellion in 1612 - the same year as the events that led to the Fettmilch uprising, which resulted in pogroms and Jewish deaths. Rowling stated that wars and political unrest parallel between the muggle world and the wizarding world as the two societies influence each other

The most prominent named goblin character, Griphook, betrays Harry. Harry is a Christ allegory - literally sacrifices himself to save everyone, and then comes back to life

Movies:

Hooked noses - the best known antisemitic feature

A six pointed star in the building they chose for the bank - I don't believe this was intentional, but it's an unfortunate choice and they could have covered it

Here end the parts I blame on Rowling directly. And the game was built on these foundations.

Game:

A historical time frame of pogroms, where our people were murdered in large massacres that often had support from authorities

Explicit ties between the goblins and the dark wizards

Aiming to undermine wizard society - the goal assigned to us in every antisemitic conspiracy theory

Kidnapping of children for their magic - literally just look up blood libel

A character says the goblins can't appreciate art. It’s absurd to say considering the quality and coveted status of goblin-made artifacts. In the real world, this is a claim that was made against Jews by the Nazis (and it targets other groups hated by white supremacists as well)

A ram’s horn artifact that strongly resembles a silver plated Shofar - a Jewish ritual item. Said horn is from 1612, from the same rebellion mentioned above. According to the item’s description, it was blown to rally the goblins and to annoy witches and wizards. It was stuffed with gorgonzola to mute it, a specifically non-kosher cheese (most kinds of cheese are kosher). It's so disrespectful I still don't have the words to fully convey it

Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, those traits became associated with Jewish people as a group through hateful propaganda. Putting all of them on a non-human race isn't better. It just adds to the dehumanization of it. It's not just Rowling's fault. That's shared by every single person who had a hand in the creation of this story. For the issues in the game, I blame the people named here more. I see no reason to extend grace to far-right bigots.

But to focus on Rowling. You brought up lycanthropy. You seem to think we made up the idea that it's a metaphor for HIV. We didn't. She said that. In the ebook Short Stories From Hogwarts of Heroism, Hardship, and Dangerous Hobbies - she said that. She said it before that, on Pottermore.

Lupin's condition of lycanthropy (being a werewolf) was a metaphor for those illnesses that carry a stigma, like HIV and AIDS. [...] The wizarding community is as prone to hysteria and prejudice as the Muggle one, and the character of Lupin gave me a chance to examine those attitudes.

This is a quote of her thoughts. It still exists on Lupin's page on her Wizarding World website.

And it's actually a pretty good example of how it's absolutely possible to be awful about depicting a stigmatized minority through a fantasy stand-in.

HIV+ people are stigmatized through no fault of their own. But in her books, it seems reasonable for the wizards to fear werewolves. And she did that, she made prejudice reasonable. We have: Remus Lupin, a named werewolf who is good and kind, and tries to avoid hurting people. Even then, he nearly does cause harm more than once. He turns in front of our heroes and spends a night loose in the forest. He tells the heroes that as a student, he almost bit people while out with his friends. So even while well-intentioned, he's a danger. That means we don't have a single safe HIV+ allegory in her work. The other named werewolf is Fenrir Greyback, who intentionally targets children to turn them young and raise them to hate the society they came from - which is fucking homophobic, whatever she intended, because of the way HIV gets associated with homosexuality. And the rest? A whole community of werewolves who side with the Death Eaters.

Did she mean to make a whole community of marginalized people into wizard Nazis? I DON'T CARE. SHE DID THAT.

I don't care to argue about her intentions while writing the text. I can't read minds. I can read the text she wrote. I can see what was put into the game that was added into her world. I can read about the history of my people and their persecution. I can see how disturbingly similar this game's story is to the propaganda that led to my grandparents suffering through the holocaust and losing their families to it.

If she cared about the antisemitism in her works, she wouldn't just act horrified and say "No, of course I wasn't being hateful to Jews!" - she'd look at whatever she lets people put into her IP, to prevent further harm. I do blame the other writers of the game more than I blame her for that plot, but it's not better that she gave her approval without being consulted. It's her IP, it carries her name, she gets royalties, it's her responsibility.

And at the very least, she doesn't care about antisemitism enough to worry about minimizing harm. I know that, because I know her friends. I know TERFs and Gender Criticals. Rowling saw an anti-trans event with white supremacist speakers, and she chose to criticize the counter-protesters. She went out to eat with Maya Forstater and Helen Joyce, who participated and spoke in events organized by Posie Parker - who explicitly includes far right groups in her events, and shares platforms with white supremacists. Rowling bought merch from Posie Parker. She wrote about Magdalen Berns as a "brave young feminist" - as if she didn't push the antisemitic George Soros conspiracy theory and share Breitbart articles. She praised MATT WALSH. The people she associates with now, read from Mein Kampf in their rallies.

She didn't put the antisemitism in the game, but she's very comfortable with antisemitism. Don't tell me she was horrified by the idea that her goblins could be called antisemitic. She just didn't want the label applied to her. If you willingly associate with Nazis, you're a Nazi. And enough of her friends don't seem to mind that.

I stand by what I said: playing this game, even pirated, is like printing out an antisemitic caricature and hanging it on your wall, saying “well, I didn’t pay the artist, I just like this art.”

[indelicateink]

so today i fell down a rabbit hole with The Vampire Lestat. @aquarines made a good post noting rolin saying TVL will only be one season. which got me sitting down with the book to see how they could possibly speedrun this bad boy to cram it into 8 episodes (worst-case scenario; 15 if there’s a god).

idk about you guys, but I could squeeze it into a tight 9 episodes, MAYBE (estimates below)? BUT: I didn’t account for the present-day stuff, which would surely push it over 9 episodes by my outsider guesses(/wishes; I didn’t make huge cuts, just modest ones). and i adore you, lestat, but the present-day stuff is also hugely important to me. bc although the book is almost wholly autobiography of lestat’s past, they’ve promised us Louis and Daniel and Armand aren’t going anywhere. so they’ll surely be bringing in other plot from the rest of the chronicles, and possibly hints of Talamasca things bc of the sister show...?

like. the beginning of TVL's a piece of cake--

Downtown Saturday Night in the Twentieth Century - 1984

All exposition. Hi I’m Lestat and I’m a vampire and a rockstar. How I woke up from my long sleep. How I started my band. Omg the 20th C, I love it. Interview With the Vampire is a book that exists? Okay: here are some opinions.

This can be massively condensed to an exchange with Daniel, so that’s…16 pages down. Out of 481.

but the central part of the book–

(putting this wild ride behind a cut for book spoilers)

The Early Education and Adventures of the Vampire Lestat: Part I: Lelio Rising (44 pages [hardback])

lol THERE’S SO MUCH, THIS WHOLE CENTRAL “TEEAAOTVL” SECTION COULD BE THE WHOLE SEASON ALONE NO COMING UP FOR AIR, LBR. but it can’t be, so:

his early life/whole childhood summed up. shitty family, the running away, Gabrielle intro/characterization.

the wolves.

meeting Nicki, the romance (if they’re speedrunning, this is probably half montage and we possibly won’t get the witches’ place, his existential crisis, etc??), then peacing tf out from Auvergne.

starting life w Nicki in Paris, joining the theatre, falling in love with acting, signs of strain with Nicki.

hey, I’m being stalked.

Maybe they do a lot of implying with his early childhood/family situation and just jump right to the wolves; 23 minutes for Nicki and their romance; then boom Paris and hello theatre. 1 episode? [or, A BRUTAL EDIT: 5 minutes my life/family sucks beyond the telling, 5 minutes for the wolves, 10 minutes for Nicki, okaylet’sgotoparishii’minparisilovethetheater!! 10 minutes. In a 44-minute episode (why not), we now have 14 minutes for the present day.]

The Early Education and Adventures of the Vampire Lestat: Part II: The Legacy of Magnus (60 pages)

massively important part of the book.

abduction by Magnus, death/rape/turning by Magnus

learning being a vampire, learning how to be rich, rediscovering Paris & haunting/tainting his former life and Nicki, getting his newfound wealth/shit squared away with his attorney Roget, meeting Armand and the coven.

Gabrielle has come to Paris to die.

THIS IS LIKE 2--3 if life loves me--EPISODES RIGHT HERE. idek, the professionals will make this work.

realizing it's interesting louis told lestat's origin story to the whole world (unlike the books, where it's in lestat's book). the story louis had to practically pry out of him. lol uh hope the guy was okay with that.

The Early Education and Adventures of the Vampire Lestat: Part III: Viaticum for the Marquise (47 pages)

Gabrielle, Gabrielle, Gabrielle.

death/turning, learning to be a vampire along with the guy who doesn’t know how to be a vampire yet.

fighting with armand and the coven. armand stalking this guy like JOIN MY COVEN YOU TOTALLY WANT TO BE WITH ME JOIN MY COVEN, SON OF A BITCH WHY ISN’T THIS WORKING— meanwhile lestat is like…I admit this guy is super hot, but maybe a tool?

the coven abducts nicki (who lestat has been avoiding post-vampirism): lestat is officially done with this shit.

god they could make this 1 episode if they REALLY burn rubber, but it should be 2 because there’s so much to cover, and you know lestat would want Gabrielle alone to be like 3 episodes at the very least, lol. they might really change the coven stuff based on what they did in S2, which saves some time. [or, A BRUTAL EDIT: 20 minutes for gabrielle to die, be turned, the novelty of becoming a vampire, woo incest on main. 10 minutes of the coven pestering them and armand coming on heavy with the mind gift and obsessive stalking. 1 minute for omg Nicki kidnapped! we now have 13 minutes for the present-day.]

section 2, part IV. The Children of Darkness (52 pages)

the coven abducts lestat and gabrielle. Lestat’s devastating powerpoint for the coven that their life is a lie and they’re full of shit. existential crisis! the coven collapses. Lestat & Gabrielle drop the mic and leave with Nicki.

Nicki’s deranged from being a vampire chew toy and wants to be a vampire. Lestat only knows how to make really good, reasoned decisions, so ofc he turns him. that relationship implodes. Gabrielle teaches Nicki how to vampire.

okay, deep breath: Armand destroys everyone in the coven who doesn’t escape, Lestat encourages those vampires to figure out the new century, Armand preternaturally studies up on How To Be A Person In This Century (lestat describing him as insect-like as he consumes the contents of a library), Armand is STILL trying to seduce lestat via stalking, shit goes to hell between lestat and nicki and the theater of the vampires is created with Nicki and the former coven members (and later armand)

THISISSOMUCH. that could be like half a season right there. but! they could TOTALLY elide almost all the stuff with the coven here because it’s not hugely important to lestat’s arc? they already filmed lestat breaking it up (from armand’s POV) in s2. the focus of this part could be the relationship with nicki reaching its extinction-level event. okay. it’s not undoable that this is 1 episode, pooooossibly less with merciless cutting. [or, A BRUTAL EDIT: 12 minutes to refute Armand’s version—telling the coven to wake up to themselves and get a life off in the TdV, how Lestat didn’t tap the gremlin…idk, this blends pretty well into the next part. Maybe 24 minutes if they crush the Armand bits in this section with the next section. 7 minutes for the Lestat/Nicki implosion. We now have 1 minute for the present-day.]

The Early Education and Adventures of the Vampire Lestat: Part V: The Vampire Armand (41 pages)

before there was The Vampire Armand the novel, there was this entire section of Lestat’s book.

aaaand it starts out with armand seducing lestat with the mind gift (granted, you sense this was not super needed because lestat was already smitten, but armand is practical if nothing else), and he proceeds to either rape lestat or just drink off him by force, depending on how we’re reading that. lestat breaks the spell and fights him off, and beats the entire snot out of him in front of a crowd of party-goers in the rain.

then lestat and gabrielle take armand back to their place, because—lestat’s still fond of him! LMAO PEOPLE HE REALLY IS A WEIRDO, I CANNOT EXPRESS WHAT A VILLAIN CUT WE GOT IN S1

to hugely sum up: armand’s past, lestat learns marius exists and becomes obsessed that someone could be a Functional Vampire, armand reallyreallyreally wants to hang with lestat (and gabrielle) for eternity but they are like. pal. your thirst is destructive. a world of no. you gotta go figure out how to live in the world on your own.

okay here we get into total unknowns on how amc wants to handle this. do they devote an entire episode to armand now, or save it for his own interview? god, in deference to limited S3 time I bet they don’t go deep into his backstory beyond quickly dropping the vital marius info? this entire part V is potentially a whole-ass episode, though, buuuuut I feel like they could squeeze a decent amount of present-day stuff in that ep, too.

it would be objectively hilarious if lestat started to tell armand’s story and armand threw the shit fit of all time and they decided to skip it. (for now.)

The Early Education and Adventures of the Vampire Lestat: Part VI: On the Devil’s Road from Paris to Cairo (34 pages)

okay thank god we’ve come to a part that it would be easy(?) to majorly cut if need be. gabrielle & lestat travel, existential questions are asked, lestat searches for marius leaving giant carved-in-stone letters to him all over the place like a lunatic, gabrielle gets more and more restless/distant.

what’s important here: we learn about armand cutting off nicki’s hands, and nicki’s suicide.

oh, and that gabrielle sat on a letter for some time about how all of lestat’s mortal family except his father were murdered in the revolution, because she hoped he’d go off to the jungle with her or…idk, some fuckin thing, it’s wildly selfish.

anyway, lestat and gabrielle make their bittersweet split, and lestat is so depressed from everything that's happened that instead of going to new orleans as planned (his father had fled there), he goes into the earth to sleep for awhile.

then: hi marius. (AR does love her cliffhangers)

I mean. bullet points are: nicki’s death explained in a letter and lestat’s family’s death explained in a letter and gabrielle’s departure and marius’s entrance. It’s possible it’s not a whole episode. idk how fast they need to move, though.

The Early Education and Adventures of the Vampire Lestat: Part VII: Ancient Magic, Ancient Mysteries (109!!!!! pages!!!!)

okay. to sum: marius takes him home, we learn marius’s story (more to come in the Blood and Gold novel), we meet Akasha/Akasha allows Lestat to drink from her, Enkil is pissed, Marius asks Lestat leave (friendly) and hey, threatens to fuck his shit up if he tells anyone/any fledglings about the existence of Marius & Akasha & Enkil et al (not so friendly lol). this…matters later. as you know.

Lestat arrives in New Orleans.

lol SORRY MARIUS YOU FUCKO, WE CAN TOTALLY CUT MOST OF YOUR STORY FROM S3, YOUR CHAPTER IS MASSIVE, LOL. i honestly think they have to cut his big backstory except for an outline, jesus. we are so pressed for time. (i don’t truly hate you, marius, but christ you’re a pompous dick who has caused so much suffering.) but yeah, they’re going to have to keep in how he came to be caregiver for Akasha and Enkil and all that. It’s the Marius Mystique Episode. Anyway, the Akasha/Lestat here is HUGELY important, so that and Marius…this is all an episode’s worth at the very least.

Epilogue: Interview with the Vampire (16 pages)

jesus

this part is devastatingly sad.

“But my story isn’t finished, no matter how reluctant I might be to continue it. And I must consider, at least briefly, the painful events that led to my decisions to go down into the earth in 1929.”

here lestat touches on the events of IWTV very briefly; he’s far kinder speaking of louis in his book than louis was speaking of lestat. (also, ofc, when AR wrote IWTV she didn’t know TVL was coming. lestat has to poke holes in some things: yes, we were in love, explicitly [“Read between the lines.”]; louis didn’t know how gorgeous he was; omg I was down bad; I was wealthy and he didn’t understand that; we were doomed, I was selfish; I cursed claudia when I condemned her to that body and I deserved everything that came to me, I did it because I wanted to, I don’t regret our family; I don’t blame her for killing me, “it was the sort of thing I might have done myself”; our family was together almost 70 years, which is very long for vampires to stay together, apparently (note: the show gave this to armand and louis instead: don’t even talk to me right now?); but “little things like this don’t really matter. He told the tale as he believed it.”)

something important that I hope/anticipate they’ll come back to is lestat then challenging the events of the trial and armand’s betrayal. it’s an order of magnitude more fucked up in the book for lestat than how it seemed to play out in s2? so i’m not sure what to expect in the s3 POV.

and then: lestat goes to rot in nola, and eventually goes into the earth. before he goes underground armand visits him here in the 20th C to whine that louis—who, okay, I lied, is alive, and he didn’t know you were alive either bc I lied to him, too—has left armand after all these years together and btw lestat, can I hit? I know you’re busy rotting in your depression hovel, but I really, really could use the d right now. aaaand lestat tells him to go suck a fuck. (I guess we're leaving all that out, though.)

So it's only 16 pages, but this seems pretty important given that lestat’s POV on s1 and s2 seems kind of promised? and a counterweight to the villain edit he's had for the past couple years? do they condense this to 1 episode or pepper it throughout?

Dionysus in San Francisco - 1985 (28 pages?!)

ROCKSTAR LESTAT! aside from the parts of 1984 in the very beginning, this narrow chapter is all that actually exists of rockstar lestat!! rolin, please give us a healthier meal than this. I trust you on this implicitly.

so: vampires internationally threatening lestat and his band, rockstar lyfe, brief reunion with louis (shamefully SHORT), hey it’s the big concert, shit happens, oh shit it’s Gabrielle saving the day!, okay let’s adjourn and regroup tomorrow this has been a wild ride, OH NO AKASHA— finis.

I’m assuming this is threaded throughout s3, heavy on the final episode. the louis part we already know will be different--they've had a reunion.

idk how all that works, but I have total faith they’ll make good television.

I am baffled, on the face of it, how they pull in Louis—unless they get creative with blending in the other books NOW.

frex they could OPEN the season just dumping us in with Lestat at Marius’s island where he/we meet Akasha and touch briefly on that, and then flash forward to the present-day interview and jump around the telling of TVL like that. but, vitally, we’ve been introduced to Akasha from the start, so hints of her can start showing up in the present-day plot in a way that makes sense to the (unread) audience, which gives us a big plot-driving reason to spend a lot of time in the present day, with louis, possibly the talamasca, possibly Jesse and the fam. or the talamasca does an infodump on akasha early, idk.

whatever they do, I need them to be creative and get me so much louis up in here. matched! set! do! not! separate!

honestly I’m not sure how they squeeze this all down to 8 episodes without a chainsaw, but! again: i have faith. though honestly i'm hoping for 15 episodes.

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Dazai truly has become Oda in every way imaginable now. :’ ) the final words he gives to Sigma are the exact same words Oda gives to Dazai in the original scene Asagiri wrote for the end of the Dark Era stage play, 後は頼んだよ, “I will leave the rest to you.”

And I really love the progression of the way his eyes look in this chapter, and how Sigma is allowed to have this moment of questioning and rebelling against all the faith Dazai had naturally been leading him to place in him up to this point, which is what I hoped would happen. He’s been confused ever since Dazai first chose him, and everything he’s ever known about how everyone sees/treats him turned upside down by Dazai’s words and actions, and just when he’s finally started to feel like he’s found some hope and lowered his guard, Dazai pulls him back underwater, instantly reinforcing all of Sigma’s trust issues and reinforcing that he should never believe in anyone, because (he thinks) everyone lives to manipulate other people. Dazai’s dark eyes here reinforce that, too, and the other panels around this point where they look white and hollow and demonic, all like Fyodor’s. He appears like an evil, looming force pulling him back under, trying to kill him, when Sigma is so close to the freedom of the air he desperately wants (aka free from pain, which is what he’s been seeking his whole life).

But then Dazai makes this face, and the first one I posted above, and Sigma understands, even without words, that Dazai doesn’t have evil intent: on the contrary, he actually is bound and determined to save his life -- and the light in his eyes comes out through this determination and kindness, arguably the most light we’ve ever seen his eyes have in the entire manga (in the “I leave the rest to you” panel too). The “No” could be Dazai wordlessly telling him to not leave the water, but my first assumption was that it was Sigma telling himself no, stopping his own train of thought about Dazai being the same as Fyodor and someone he shouldn’t have trusted -- he soon realizes why Dazai stopped him, and that he’s still going to try to save him, that he wasn’t wrong about him, and it’s all because Dazai’s earnest expressions get through to him.

And it’s just so heartwarming to see how far Dazai has come. :’ ) He tried so hard to save Sigma (doing the most physical action we’ve ever seen him do, really), did his best to be reassuring and comforting to him afterwards, and then reaffirmed his promise to ensure he escaped Meursault alive, his final words to Sigma echoing Oda’s and his last action being to save an orphan, just like Oda did in his last moments. Obviously Dazai isn’t actually going to die, he’ll be saved somehow, but I do think as of right now he really does think this is the end for him, and that he didn’t foresee the elevator dropping -- he was examining the wires a few chapters ago because he thought he might need to know how to open the doors in case Fyodor pulled an uno reverse, hence why he looks more annoyed than shocked when the water starts, but here, when the drop collision sequence is initiated, he looks genuinely shook in comparison. There’d be no reason for him to give the thumbs up if he knew more danger was on the way, either; that’d just be cruel. No, I don’t think he saw this coming, and it’s important that that turns out to be the case: it’s important that he spent what he believes to have been his last moments saving someone like Oda wanted for him, and doing what Oda would have done in the same situation. That doesn’t mean that it’s okay that Dazai throws his life away so easily, and cares so little for his own safety; he still has a long way to go in that regard. But it’s still so beautiful to see how much he’s changed, and how much he’s truly begun to embody Oda and his legacy; the fact that he messed up and miscalculated, because Dazai isn’t infallible, but in turn didn’t hesitate to use his last moments to save Sigma. Oda would be so proud for everything he did here. :’ ) 💖

There are a lot of options for how Dazai will be saved, and by who, but personally I hope (and I kind of expect) that Sigma chooses to not give up on him and ultimately plays a role in saving his life, to return the favor and repay him for his kindness. Not only would it be a beautiful way to initiate Sigma’s ADA entrance exam as people have said, but it would bring the Dazai > Atsushi > Sigma chain full circle: Dazai saved Atsushi at the start of the series, allowing him to (spiritually) save Sigma at sky casino thanks to the growth fostered in him by Dazai, and now finally, Sigma could potentially save Dazai thanks to Atsushi kickstarting his own growth (and Dazai continuing it). Fyodor is overly cocky right now and so tunnel-visioned on killing Dazai, it’s possible that he has no idea that Sigma managed to escape the elevator and is now a wild card; even if Sigma doesn’t go as far as killing Fyodor himself (which I don’t want, tbh; that’s endgame stuff arcs down the line and imo Nikolai and Dazai should be the ones involved with that), he could throw a wrench in the jailbreak duel, and help Dazai and Chuuya get out alive. It would be poetic, and only fitting, for Fyodor to underestimate and be outdone by the kind of person Dazai told him is the strongest in chapter 77 -- a self-proclaimed “ordinary man” -- who could only have the strength to take such action thanks to the chain of kindness that Oda originally started. 💖

[awooghan]

24 to 25 ✧.* y.ji (part two)

❄ PAIRING: jeongin x fem!reader

❄ GENRE: fluff, angst, childhood friends to lovers, christmas

❄ WARNINGS: mild language, mentions of food, long as hell, i put the ‘slow’ in slowburn (in my defense this trope does not work without it), i’ve checked like 1922847473 times for inconsistencies but if there are any pls be nice it’s my first long fic ;w; also you can slowly see the quality of my writing decline in the end im sorry 😭

❄ WORD COUNT: 47.7k (part one: 25.9k; part two: 21.8k) i'm so sorry

❄ SUMMARY: “stay for christmas?” was a phrase jeongin first uttered to you when you were both ten years old, but you had no idea how much those three little words would mean to you as the years go by. (inspired by “24 to 25” by stray kids)

❄ NOTES: IT’S FINALLY UP!! i’m so sorry for the wait, i really really wanted to get this right and it took me wayyy longer than i thought it would. but i love how it turned out and i'm so proud of it. i hope y’all enjoy :’)

i’ll include more to the note when i'm not in such a rush to get this posted but tysm to everyone who helped me in writing it! @crispy-chan jas thank you for beta reading (i’m so sorry it was so long) your comments were really sweet and really reassured me that i was doing okay <3 thank u @pearleechai and @gloseoks for helping me out with that one part i got stuck on for like a week lmaooo. to parker specifically, ty for all ur help and encouragement in the couple chapters i asked for help on :D i’m sorry it meant u had some of the fic spoiled for u tho ;w; lastly, @svtbabies hopie u have been my lifesaver from start to finish w this fic. thank u so so much for planning w me and for the multiple times u saved me from a huge writer’s block. i wouldn’t have been able to complete this without you, so ty for everything <33 also ty for the banner lol

➳ IMPORTANT!!! this fic is so long that i have to split it into two parts. i'd use the legacy editor but i can't toggle btwn the two anymore 😭 i did not intend for it to be this lengthy but anything for childhood friends to lovers i guess. PLEASE READ PART ONE FIRST.

part one | [part two]

network tags: @straykidsland

taglist: @hafsa-hoofsa-heefs @crow953 @urmomma0324 @tasmtrilogy

20.

Regardless of how desperately you wanted to enjoy Christmastime like you'd usually do, you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it this year.

You had long broken up with Heeseung, and while it did hurt immensely to begin with, it still persisted as a dull ache. You’re a little bummed you couldn’t indulge in your Christmas romance fantasies this year, but you figured you’d manage. You know that wasn't everything in a relationship; it was just a bonus, especially for someone like you.

But what does feel unbearable this year had nothing to do with love or romance. All you could think about was last year and the way Jeongin had left. 

It plagued your mind for weeks after that night, on whether or not you should have stayed and spent your time with Jeongin instead of bringing Heeseung to Jisung's Christmas party. Nevertheless, you had to remind yourself that you didn't know Jeongin had planned to leave that night—and no matter how much you wanted to, you couldn't go back and change the past. 

You couldn't tell if you resented Jeongin for what he did, or if you blame yourself for not listening to him. All the times he wanted to speak to you last year—maybe even to tell you, you just cut him off, too caught up in your new romance with Heeseung to even notice what Jeongin wanted to say.

Perhaps this was what you deserved for trying to follow Jisung’s advice when you were sixteen. “Date and move on,” he said. There was nothing to move on from, but you still tried it anyway.

And look where that got you.

Your original plan had been to stay nestled up in the comforts of your bed, watching whatever trash Hallmark had put out this year as you drank an atrocious amount of hot chocolate to comfort yourself. You were tempted to avoid Christmas plans altogether, especially when all the neighborhood party would do was remind you of Jeongin..

However, Jisung, the persistent fool that he was, wouldn't let that happen. Not when you could be watching laughable Christmas movies with him and his, and now your, friends. 

Felix and Hyunjin are squished together on the loveseat in Jisung's apartment, not that Felix seemed to mind as it gave him an excuse to cuddle someone. Seungmin is positioned on the floor, his legs crossed under the coffee table as he picks away at what little snacks remained in the bowls Jisung had laid out earlier. And you were lazily stretched out across the sofa, your head in Jisung's lap. Since Jisung was the one that dragged you out of bed, he was going to have to put up with your grumpy state.

"What do we watch next?" Felix calls out as the end credits of the Elf roll across the screen. He casually scans the room for your responses, his arms wrapped loosely around Hyunjin's waist. 

"The Grinch?" Seungmin suggests before Hyunjin quickly follows up with A Charlie Brown Christmas.

You pout. All of those sound good but you’d be lying if you said you were in a particular mood for any of them. It almost crushed you to say that, as they had brought you so much joy in the past, but none of them seemed to cut it this year. 

A few seconds passes by and you decide to speak up, throwing in a suggestion of your own. 

"Are there any Christmas animes? Why don't we watch those instead of a movie?" 

A deafening silence fills the room at your suggestion. The boys exchange confused glances with each other, and you begin to wonder if you said something wrong. If there were Christmas cartoons, surely there’d be Christmas animes, right? But your thoughts are quickly cut short when you hear Jisung gasp rather loudly. 

"Oh, so NOW you want to get into anime?!" 

Your frown deepens and you hit Jisung's thigh with your fist. "Shut up, it was just a suggestion." 

Another silence hangs in the room and the other three boys watch you silently like hawks, as if they were ready to pounce on you at the next move you’d make. You hate how small you feel under their piercing stares, and you shuffle to the other side of the couch in hopes that they’d stop.

"This isn't because you miss a certain person, is it?” Jisung chirps in a teasing tone. He crawls over to your end of the couch, a grin pulling at his lips as he pokes at your cheek repeatedly. “Is that why you're all Scrooge McDuck?" 

You jerk your head away and shove his hand back, letting out a strangled groan. "Oh my god, Jeongin has nothing to do with this! and it’s Ebenezer Scrooge!" 

Jisung snorts, crossing his arms over his chest. "I never said Jeongin's name." 

"He got you there, just saying." Felix chimes in with a shrug. 

You huffed frustratedly, spluttering, "I– this– this isn't about Jeongin, and this isn't about Heeseung either. can we just move on from this already?" 

"You know it's okay to miss him, right?” Hyunjin says, his voice soft. “You’re not doing anything wrong." 

"I never said that!" you groan again, raising your voice slightly. "I can’t suggest an anime because you guys assume I miss someone? Can I not do anything without you guys thinking it’s about a boy?!”

"Well, you never even mentioned anime once until now,” Seungmin points out, “the only reason you would is because of Jeongin—”

“It’s not about Jeongin!” you snap, burying your face in your hands in defeat. “God, I hate men.”

A chorus of offended ‘hey’s echo throughout the room which causes your eyes to roll. 

"After all this time? after all these years, sugarplum?" Jisung gasps, his hand over his heart in feigned offense. 

"Oh my god, you know what's not what I mean, Jisung," you huff, grabbing your phone from the coffee table as you stand up. "I'm going to get us more snacks, I hate this." 

You carry yourself to the kitchen and from behind you, you hear Jisung call out, "But you haven't taken the bowls with you!”

Without turning back, you make a face to yourself. "I'll just get new ones," you respond blankly.

The kitchen was a break you so desperately needed. While you could still hear the boys chatting in the living room, it was just muffled enough to keep your mind at ease. you thought you could get away with Jisung not mentioning Jeongin, but maybe you had put too much faith in him. 

You didn't mean it, really, but sometimes it got to be a lot. 

You unlock your phone and staring back at you is a photo you knew you should have changed earlier, but something inside of you just couldn't bring yourself to do it. 

It was an old selfie of you and Jeongin, one you had to beg him to take in the first place a few years prior. You both had your large winter coats on and his arm hung loosely around your shoulders as you both grinned into the camera. In the picture, you had a light blush on your cheeks—presumably from the cold—but deep down you knew otherwise. 

You brought up his contact. This photo was one where he isn't looking at you, but he’s still holding up a peace sign. Just the look of it and the memory of that day flashes in your mind, making you chuckle. 

Clicking on the text conversation, you're met with the last text you had sent him months and months ago, the small seen tick making you frown. 

I miss you... you type out the words slowly. Your thumb hovered over the send key, but you can’t bring yourself to press down.

The glassy feeling in your eyes appears and you blink the tears away rapidly as you let your finger fall on the backspace key, completely erasing the message before you lock your phone once more. 

What you didn't know was in his dorm room, bundled up in blankets like a burrito was Jeongin as he hopelessly scrolled through his phone. he had stumbled across a photo of Christmas lights that reminded him of you, and it took every ounce of his being to stop himself from sending it to you, finding himself scrolling through your message history instead. How could he text you so casually after what he did? Afterjust leaving like that without so much as a proper goodbye?

He watches your typing symbol come up at the bottom, only to have it disappear moments later—leaving him just as despair-ridden as you.

21.

You lost track of how long you had been cuddling against Yeonjun’s chest as Die Hard played on the tv. You had wanted a Christmas film, an actual Christmas film, however, Yeonjun was adamant that this did, in fact, count, as it happened around Christmas day. 

You gaze up at Yeonjun, your eyes lingering on his own. You smile at how much focus he has on the movie, to the point where he’s hardly blinking. 

You originally knew Yeonjun from your neighborhood, which kind of makes things go full circle for you in a way. Him being an older kid, though, meant that you never had a reason to know him personally or even have a chance to talk to him. He stuck with his group, and you stuck with yours. 

But in a weird twist of fate, you met again when you got a part-time job at a small family restaurant just off of your university campus. After a few awkward conversations and some catching up, you both seemed to warm up to each other and Yeonjun soon asked you out on a date… you happily said yes.

Yeonjun is amazing. He's patient with you, smiles at you like you light up the whole sky, looks after you when you feel ill, he takes you on adventures at midnight for snacks just because you mentioned you were hungry. 

He’s, on paper, your dream guy. Handsome, understanding, open and caring. You like him, you really do. Yet, it always feels like something's missing—but you can never put your finger on what.

The end credits of Die Hard roll across the screen, causing you to lift your weight from off of Yeonjun and stretch your arms out around you. 

“I should get home,” you yawn, causing Yeonjun to pout slightly. 

He reaches out to grab your hand as he whines. “Do you have to?” 

You match his pout, nodding your head slowly. “Yeah, I should get back before it snows.” 

“You don’t have to,” Yeonjun muses, and you watch the corners of his mouth twitch into a hopeful smile. “You could… stay over for Christmas? What do you think?”

Your breath hitches at his words, stiffening like a board as you stare at him with wide eyes.

“Stay… over for Christmas?”

He seems to notice the hesitation in your voice, and he begins to rub gentle circles with his thumb on the back of your hand.

“Think about it,” Yeonjun continues, “waking up together on Christmas day? It would be so cute!” he grins. You could practically see the tiny hearts floating about his head. 

Stay over for Christmas. He doesn't know about it, but the whole sentence makes you feel uneasy. The implications and everything they bring with them—not to mention all the memories they invoke—are too much for you to handle at that moment. Not that you’d be the first to admit it

“I— I shouldn’t,” you start, your heart hurting as Yeonjun’s lips twist into a frown. “Baby, Soobin’s here and I don’t want to make things awkward for you by intruding.” 

Yeonjun sits up suddenly, his fingers linking with your own. “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind, plus he enjoys your company. Not as much as I do, obviously,” Yeonjun cheekily grins at his words, sending a wink your way.

You huff a laugh. “Regardless,” you say with a roll of your eyes, “I... I don’t think I feel comfortable staying here yet.” Your own frown seems to match his. “So I'd rather get back before it starts snowing.” Your shoulders drop and you focus on his fingers that are busy playing with your own. “I’m sorry.” 

One of Yeonjun’s hands moves from your fingers and delicately slides against your cheek, guiding your head so you’re looking up at him. Whilst you can see hints of sadness behind his eyes, his smile is one of comfort and understanding.

“Don’t be silly.” His smile grows. “I like you and we can go as slow or quick as you want.” His hand moves from your cheek as he lightly brushes your hair out of your face. “Don’t be scared to tell me, we’ll work through it together.” 

Your heart swells at his words and you lean into his touch, placing a small kiss on his palm. “You’re too sweet to me,” you mumble. 

He disagrees. “No, it’s just the decent thing everyone should do, They're your boundaries, I’m not going to be an idiot and push them.” 

“How did I find you?” You wonder aloud. His cheeks tint red and his smile somehow grows even wider than before. 

“No, no, how did I find you?” 

Your foreheads lean against one another, and you can feel his breath ever-so-slightly tickle your skin. 

“Can you guys stop being disgusting now?” a voice huffs from behind you two.

You and Yeonjun jump apart from each other and you turn to see his roommate, Soobin, standing with a scowl plastered on his face, an empty cereal bowl in hand. 

Yeonjun grumbles to himself, muttering ‘You're just jealous,’ as he grabs your hand, guiding you past Soobin and towards his dorm room door. At the same time, you quickly call out a goodbye to Soobin and Yeonjun sighs sadly when you both stop at his door. 

He pulls you close and you can feel his body heat seeping into you. It almost, almost, makes you want to stay, as you would rather be in the warm arms of your boyfriend than face the ten-minute walk home in the cold.

“Text me when you get home?” Yeonjun asks into your shoulder and you hum in response. 

“I will." 

Before you pull away completely, Yeonjun places a light kiss onto the side of your lips, leaving you open to steal one right back. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” this time Yeonjun is the one to hum. A small smile plays at his lips. “I love you.” 

You still for a moment at his words. You should say them back—you know you should—but you just can’t. They’re on the tip of your tongue and yet you fall silent instead. You settle for stealing another kiss from him and reaffirming your words from earlier, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You can tell his smile is dripping in sadness, but you're unable to bring yourself to utter the words he so desperately wants to hear back from you. You look back and wave for a final time before you exit the hallway that leads you to the elevators and out of the building. 

When you finally make your way outside, you take a deep breath; it feels almost like a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders. The pressure of staying over with Yeonjun is gone. But now in its place is another burden you’re not ready to think about. It had started creeping into the back of your mind the moment he said those words—a reminder of times gone by. Of another boy with dark hair and eyes that sparkled and those same, fateful words.

As you walk home, you shake your head, trying to push back the tears already threatening to cloud your vision. You’ve spent too long shoving down and ignoring those feelings just to ruin everything now by bringing them back up. You aren’t ready to think about it now and, as you look up at the clear, cloudless sky, you’re not sure if you ever will be.

It did not snow that winter. Not a single flake fell from the sky. 

22.

After years of not going to the neighborhood Christmas party, it feels weird to be back.

The party happens to be at Yeonjun’s family’s house this year, and once Yeonjun found this out, he jumped at the chance to introduce you to his family. You couldn’t help but smile at the hope swirling in his eyes that day as he gushed about how much they’ll love you.

But being the sweetheart that he is, he definitely noticed the doubt swimming in your eyes. He tried his best to reassure you, telling you how sweet his family is and how excited they are to finally meet you. 

That’s what wins you over, and now you’re here. The feeling of being home, or, at least, a few houses away from it, brings a warm feeling to your chest. To be able to spend it with your lovely boyfriend only deepens the feeling.

In a weird way, though, you notice bits and bits, just minor details that others seem to gloss over, that only tug at your heartstrings. From the movie playing on the flatscreen, to the gingerbread house tha’s about to be devoured by a wide-eyed seven-year-old, it brings this feeling of nostalgia that you can’t quite shake off. The more the night goes on, the more it seems to eat at you.

If you didn’t already think this was some weird full circle moment of sorts, you definitely do now.

Everywhere you look, all you seem to get is mirages of past times. Faint traces of Jeongin linger in the crevices of your mind. Even if it had been two years since you last saw him, he stuck to your memories like glue. 

You tried your best to push those memories to the side—to push the ick you felt every time something that reminded you of those moments away, even if it did send a chill down your spine. 

But Yeonjun just had to utter those words. “Want to stay over for Christmas?” 

It made you physically pause, the words processing in your mind. Ten years worth of memories surf through your mind at lightning speed. The slight word change gives you the worst feeling in your stomach you have ever felt—it was like a huge pit of emotions had opened up inside of you. 

You take a breath and exhale it slowly. “Do you mean stay for Christmas?” 

“Stay for Christmas, stay over for Christmas,” Yeonjun sighs, “same thing.” 

“It’s different,” is all you can mumble in response. 

Yeonjun groans, leaning his weight onto his hands that are placed on the counter sides. 

“One word difference.” 

You snap to face him, a stern look making an appearance on your face. Your voice dripping with irritation, you say, “But there’s still a difference.” 

You can cut the sudden tension that arises with a knife and it’s like that is exactly what Yeonjun chooses to do. He stands straight, turning to you, and you can see how tense his jaw is—like he’s been holding everything in, and how it’s now about to burst open at the seams. 

“We’ve been together for over a year and you still can’t even stay over. And when I offer to spend Christmas with you because I know it’s your favorite time of year, you fight me on it.” Yeonjun runs a hand through his hair in frustration. “Is it because I’m the one that’s asking?” 

“What?” you gasp, shaking your head. “It’s just, it’s stay for Christmas. Not stay over, not stay with, it’s stay for Christmas.”  

Yeonjun squeezes his eyes shut, hand still in his hair. All you can do is stare at him, waiting for what he says next. Once he does open his eyes, you can see the fogginess as in them, and when he speaks again, you feel like you’re being torn in two.

“But I’m not Jeongin, I can’t ask in the way he would.” 

You open your mouth to speak, shocked at his words, but nothing comes out. 

“What does Jeongin have to do with this?” You question. “I like you because you’re you, Yeonjun, not because you’re someone else.” 

You both stand there, staring at each other and you can’t help but feel like neither of your words are sinking in. Like they were falling onto deaf ears. 

“Well what about the snow?” Yeonjun suddenly asks. Had he been spending too much time with Jisung? 

“Yeonjun, baby, it’s just the weather,” you look at him with soft eyes, but all it seems to do is break him more.

With a hiccup, he tries to keep his tears at bay, “Then how come it never happens when we’re together?” 

You have to look away from him, not because you don’t care, but because if you look at him any longer, tears would spill from your own eyes. It would only just make everything harder than it already is.

Yeonjun’s sniffles fill your ears and from the corner of your eye, you can see him wipe his tears away. Even when he takes a few steps towards you and takes one of your hands in his, you’re still unable to look at him in fear of breaking. 

“I’ll walk you home,” he whispers gently. 

You gaze at the floor and nod your head, squeezing the hand that held yours. He squeezes it right back in a silent understanding. It’s like you hear both of your hearts cracking like glass in the silence, but it was unlike any type of heartbreak you had ever felt before… 

It can’t compare to the heartbreak you had with Heeseung, or even the heartbreak you felt when Jeongin left. This is its own brand of heartbreak, one that would last and one that would carve itself into your heart, a cruel reminder that will follow you for all time.

The walk back to your apartment is a quiet one. Your fingers stay linked with Yeonjun’s, and every now and then, you’d squeeze each other’s hands to remind yourself of the moment—of the feeling of your hands entwined with each other. 

When you’re outside of your door, it’s bittersweet and it’s heartbreaking. And when Yeonjun reluctantly draws his hand away from yours, you want everything to chase after it with your own. 

This is when you finally look up at him. 

His eyes are red and fresh tears have prickled up in his eyes as soon as they meet yours. As soon as you see his tears, your eyes quickly well up to match his. 

“We should,” he hiccups. “We should take some time apart.” 

You squeeze your eyes shut, sniffling away the sob that crawls up your throat. You feel Yeonjun’s light kiss on your cheek, and that sob defies you, escaping your lips. 

When Yeonjun pulls away, he speaks softly, as if speaking any louder would break him completely. “We’re on different pages and we both deserve people who aren’t.”

His lips linger on your cheek, like a silent plea begging you not to let him move away, but to pull him closer. To tell him that you both could make whatever it is you called a relationship work. 

But you don’t, and he soon pulls away, the warmth of his lips is quickly replaced with a damp, cold breeze. 

You regret opening your eyes when you do because you’re met with Yeonjun’s own tears rolling down his face. With no attempt to stop them, Yeonjun hiccups and looks away from you. 

“I’ll see you around, Y/N,” his voice strains. 

As he walks away, you open your mouth to yell out for him, but nothing comes out when you try. You just watch as he slowly disappears down the hallway, his shoulders hunched, shuddering slightly every time a quiet sob escapes him. 

You can’t tell if you’re lucky or not when you enter the apartment and realize that Jisung isn’t home. On one hand, you wouldn’t have to cry in front of him—on the other, you really don’t want to cry on your own. 

You trudge your way to your room, a numbness overtaking your body. You crave the warmth of your blankets and can’t wait to let them hold you in comfort as you cry for the rest of the night. 

When your blankets are secured around you and long after the tears have dried out, you sit there in self pity. Your phone is staring up at you, and you somehow find your way to your camera roll. An album of photos of you and Yeonjun sits right by your recents, and you’re hesitant to click on it. But you do, and the collection of photos from the past year and a half makes your heart wrench all over again.

You wish the relationship didn’t end this way as badly as he did, if not more. Yeonjun was perfect in every way—sweet, understanding, patient—yet, somehow, it still wasn’t enough to keep you two together.

“But I’m not Jeongin.” His words echo in your mind as you swipe through all of your selfies with him. He’s right: he’s not Jeongin. But that shouldn’t have mattered… right?

“I can’t ask in the way he would.”  He can’t.

Or can he?

If he had not flubbed the iconic line, not even with the slightest one-word difference… would you be where you are right now?

You let your phone drop onto the mattress as you ponder. Burrowing yourself further into your blankets, you try to imagine Yeonjun saying the line correctly this time. ‘Stay for Christmas?’ he’d chirp, hope lighting up his beautiful brown eyes. ‘Stay for Christmas?’ he’d pipe, a pure smile pulling his soft lips upward.

But it doesn’t feel right.

No matter how you try to picture it, there’s something about those words leaving Yeonjun’s mouth that makes your stomach twist. As hard of a time as you gave him about getting the phrase wrong, imagining him getting it right almost feels worse.

Maybe he can’t pull it off like Jeongin can. Maybe he was missing the awkward little beat Jeongin always carried when he uttered those three little words. Maybe he lacked the sheepish glow Jeongin always seemed to have creep up his cheeks when he said it, regardless of how coolly he tried to pull it off. Don’t forget the way he’d stupidly wiggle his eyebrows at you, and the faint little giggle that followed as he scrunched up his nose in embarrassment.

It’s a charm you truly believe only Jeongin could pull off.

But it shouldn’t have mattered that much. Jeongin wasn’t your boyfriend—Yeonjun was. And it’s not like Yeonjun didn’t have his own charm to him. His was more classic romantic, per se—always showing up at your doorstep with roses and a sweet smile, surprising you with dinner, taking you out for midnight drives while you blast both of your favorite songs. He’s a true Romeo, a type of lover that only exists in the movies.

“But I’m not Jeongin.”

You can’t stop Yeonjun’s gut-wrenching words from haunting your mind. It’s like the toll of a bell, its low tone ringing in every corner of your skull, shaking every crevice of your brain. Really, it shouldn’t bother you this much. 

For starters, Jeongin is no Romeo. You’ve witnessed him try to be one firsthand—multiple times, actually. The keyword here is ‘try’.

There really were no suave, overly romantic elements to Jeongin, like there were for guys in the movies. He doesn’t need big gestures like flower bouquets bigger than your head to show that he cares. It’s all in the details, the smaller things he did, how he knew you nearly better than you did yourself. Taking you to see the lights all those years ago meant more to you than any grand movie gesture ever could have. Ultimately, he doesn’t need anything else because he is enough as it is. It’s a thought that slowly crept in over time and you never even noticed until it hit you like a brick. He’s not picture-perfect, but that’s not who you want him to be.

He’s just… Jeongin. 

A part of you wants to admit it, but maybe, just maybe, he and stay for Christmas were what pushed your love for Christmas and the winter season more. But now that he isn’t here, that’s why it isn’t the same. 

Because is there really a Christmas without Stay for Christmas?

The longer you stare at the folder, filled to the brim with photos of you and Yeonjun over the course of your relationship, the more unbearable it becomes. Your thumb hovers over the back button, soon letting fall against the screen. 

Scrolling away as far as you could from it, another folder that instantly causes a mountain of flashbacks appears. Giggling at the joke title you named the album, you stare at it for a moment. You aren’t sure when the last time you looked at this album was. 

As soon as you click on it, you’re hit with a wave of bittersweet nostalgia so hard, it almost hurts.

It’s a compilation of photos of you and Jeongin, dating back to when your parents handed you your first smartphone. You’re able to scroll so far back that you can find photos of Jeongin in that obnoxious purple sweater. Somehow, as you look at it in that moment, it doesn’t seem as obnoxious as it used to be… 

Maybe it had grown on you, like stay for Christmas had grown on Jeongin. 

And how pictures of Christmases before (and all-year-round photos) made your heart seem to swell in a way you hadn’t felt in a while. All the lights that grazed your presence when you were with him, all the longer-than-necessary hugs you two shared in the snow, even the thoughts, the memories of it, are like little static shocks sending metaphorical butterflies swarming around you. It plays at your chest like a flute and it makes you begin to wonder… if the thought of Yeonjun or actually being around Yeonjun, or even his touch, made you feel that way.

You’d think since Yeonjun is—was—your boyfriend, you wouldn’t have to think so hard for the answer. Yet here you are, comparing everything you felt with Jeongin to how you felt with Yeonjun over the past year. 

It opens up the box of feelings you’ve tried so hard to push away. This time though, there’s no stopping it as everything bubbles up and spills over. 

You continue looking through the photos of you and Jeongin, hardly noticing when the pictures start to blur slightly, fresh tears making their way down your cheeks. You missed him, you missed him so much it makes your chest hurt. There’s no denying that anymore, not that there was ever a point to it anyway. You missed everything about him, how he knew you like the back of his own hand to how effortless things had been between you two for so long. 

A teary smile makes its way onto your face, unable to stop the overwhelming warmth that tore through you as you gaze at one photo of you two. Jeongin had an arm slung over your shoulders, braces-covered smile beaming up at you from the screen. You had a grin to match, happy and effortless, without a care in the world. 

That’s how Jeongin had always made you feel, even during times when you had disagreements or fought over stupid things. At the end of the day, you always made your way back to him. Because ultimately, nobody else could make you feel the way he could—like you were safe, like you were home.

Eventually you ran out of photos to look through, and somehow you made your way to your messages, scrolling through and rereading old texts from Jeongin. 

i miss you… you type out, take a deep breath, and hit send.

Instantly, he responds, making your heart swirl treacherously. i miss you too.

A second later, another text appears from him, making one last wave of tears pool in your eyes. stay for christmas?

The timing truly couldn’t be any worse than this, but you can’t deny the real reason behind your outburst anymore. All the seemingly-random bursts of butterflies in your stomach when you were a teenager slowly start to make sense. All the times your heart would skip a beat whenever he looked at you a certain way, the telltale sense of warmth you felt when you were even around him; heck, the entire incident at the winter formal—it all adds up. 

There’s no denying who your heart yearns for anymore. And, if given the choice, there’s no denying which dark-haired boy you would live everything with all over again. No more running away, only running back to him—if only fate would let you.

wouldn’t miss it for the world.

23.

“Why so glum, chum?”

You barely move your head from where you’re curled up on the sofa to look at your roommate as he bounces into the living room. His overly energetic skips come to a halt right behind you and he looms his head above you, letting the corners of his mouth drag into an exaggerated pout.

You let out a slow breath and stare back at him with solemn eyes. The weather had dropped to the all-too-familiar December chill, rainbow lights adorned the city—heck, you’re watching A Charlie Brown Christmas for the third time in a row—but you can’t seem to will yourself into the Christmas spirit even if you tried. The reason seems pretty obvious to you.

For better or worse, the boy tapping his fingers on the back of the couch as he waits impatiently for your answer is one you’ve known for years. Over time, he’s morphed from the awkward older kid that ‘needs to take a couple babies under [his] wing’, to a sweet (when he wants to be)—dare you say, mature (again, when he wants to be)—older brother figure of sorts. If anyone knows why you’re so somber as you wallow in candy cane wrappers and your favorite ugly Christmas sweater, it should be him. 

“You know why,” you grumble.

You think that’s enough of an answer, but Jisung bends down to get a better look at you and attempts to pry more. 

“Hmm, do I?”

Another, more irritated huff leaves your parted lips as you turn to Lucy mercilessly grilling Charlie Brown, and you make damn sure your back is to your snoopy roommate.

Why do you even need to explain yourself to him? Jisung has literally had a front-row seat to the entire story since before he knew how to part his hair properly. He watched you slowly and hopelessly fall for your best friend before his very eyes since you were sixteen. He witnessed you delude yourself into a bottomless pit of denial for years, pushing yourself down so far that not even the most picture-perfect guy could pull you out.

Your life might as well be a sappy romance anime unfolding right in front of him, and Jisung knows every minute detail, every moment of development, every tear you shed for Jeongin like the back of his hand. He could whip up a play-by-play of your history with that boy faster than he can for the plot of Your Name—and he loves that movie.

But you guess as the older brother figure, it also means he has to annoy the living hell out of you for it. Not that he didn’t in the first place, but usually he’d, you know, comfort you when you’re upset. 

Waddling around the couch to plop next to you, with overdramatized puppy eyes boring into your soul, is not that comforting.

“Come onnn, Y/N,” Jisung sing-songs, poking at your cheek. “Talk to me.”

Your frown etches further downward. You don’t do anything to move his hand, though, and opt to just turn your head back to the Peanuts characters.

“Cheer up, sugarplum.” Jisung now squishes your cheeks in one hand like a doting mother. It earns a whine from you, and you finally slap his hand away.

“Jisung.” You sigh, keeping your eyes on the TV. “I’m really, really not in the mood for celebrating Christmas this year.”

It makes your heart ache to actually admit it out loud, but you’d be lying if you tried to say otherwise. Christmas will always be your favorite time of the year, but all the memories you carry with it hurt too much now. It’s all a gaping hole in your stomach that you can’t patch.

“I know, I know,” Jisung says simply, but a heart-shaped smile slowly forms as he speaks. You blink as you stare blankly at him—you don’t like that sparkle in his eye. 

That suspicious grin only widens as he utters his next words.

“That’s why we’re hosting a Christmas party next week.” 

Your heart stops for a second, and you stare at Jisung with wide eyes.

“We?!” 

You’re sure Jisung senses the aggravation in your voice. You already, and very blatantly, you may add, have made it clear that all you want for Christmas this year is to wallow in your blanket burrito and watch whatever cheesy film Hallmark was putting out. 

But of course, Jisung won’t let that happen. You know he means well, but you still wonder for a second why you agreed to move in with him once he graduated and came back home from college.

“You know this is my apartment, too, right?” you add. 

“I know, but just trust me!” He beams, and it only makes you scowl more. “Oh, wait…”

His phone flashes on, a notification popping up on his lockscreen, and whatever it is seems to elate his already excessively cheerful mood. You peer over his shoulder with curious eyes as his thumbs fly across the keyboard, but Jisung places a palm to your forehead and pushes your head away before you can get a glimpse.

“Nuh uh, that’s private!” He tuts, and you frown at him again. As he slides his phone back in his pocket, the cheesy smile returns to his face. Once again, you’re not a fan.

“I need you to trust me, okay?” he says. “It’ll be fun! It’s just gonna be you, me, and our closest friends. Promise.”

You’re still not super on board with the idea. Even a small hangout seems too much for you right now, and you can practically feel the flashbacks from the last few years haunting your mind as you think.

“I… I don’t know, Jisung.”

“If I give you hot chocolate right now, would that influence your decision?”

You watch as Jisung turns around, whipping out two to-go cups from right next to him. A small smile makes its way to your face as he hands you one.

“I’ll think about it,” you mumble, taking a sip of the warm drink.

The gesture is surprisingly enough to make you say ‘yes’ a few harrowing (for Jisung) hours later, and that’s how you find yourself at your and Jisung’s “Christmas Eve Eve Spectacular”. Why Christmas Eve Eve? Who knows, but you did hear Jisung mumble something about being able to go to your neighborhood party in peace. Weird, especially when he seems to know that it’s on Christmas Eve this year. 

Regardless, you think you did a good job of decorating the apartment for the occasion. Besides the small Christmas tree in the living room themed red and gold, you and Jisung had wrapped matching garlands above the curtains and hung wreaths on your bedroom doors. Your couch was adorned with throw pillows you had gotten on sale a week ago, and, because you didn’t have a fireplace, you opted to hang the stockings right above the TV instead. It’s very homey, yet screams young and broke at the same time.

The entertainment is even better. Something about Frosty The Snowman playing on the TV while a bunch of grown men yell at each other playing Twister just feels very college Friendsmas-esque to you. The best part? You’re in charge of the spinner. You can get your daily dose of Christmas cartoons without being trapped under a bunch of loud, sweaty guys.

“You’re cheating!” Hyunjin accuses Felix, slapping his hand from the yellow dot.

“It’s not my fault you don’t know what yellow means!” Felix yells back. He slams his hip into Hyunjin’s side and makes him topple over.

The taller boy gasps dramatically, pointing at Felix as he lies on the floor. “Now you really cheated, asshole!”

You snicker and shake your head at the boys’ shenanigans. You’ve nearly forgotten about the sour mood you were in just days ago; maybe giving in to Jisung’s incessant begging was the right decision.

Speaking of Jisung, he doesn’t seem too into the Twister game, and he’s usually one of the most competitive of the bunch. He was the first one out this round, claiming he “accidentally stumbled” on Seungmin’s hand as he “reached for the wrong dot”very early in the game. Weird.

From the corner of your eye, you can see him fervently checking his phone instead of watching the game, and sometimes, you’d catch a smug smile painting his face briefly before he quickly snaps back to a neutral facade. You’re tempted to snatch the boy’s phone from his hands and read whatever the hell is making him smirk so much.

After a moment, you focus back on the game. Seungmin and Felix are the only two left. Both are at the brink of collapsing, their entangled arms wobbling under them, and you’re placing bets with Hyunjin on who will fall first.

Felix’s arms give out first, after attempting to contort around himself and Seungmin as he stretches for a red dot. He groans out in pain, and you unceremoniously shove five dollars into Hyunjin’s hands as he revels in his victory.

“Thanks for the early present, Y/N,” he says, smiling cheesily.

You make a face akin to a grimace and roll your eyes. “Yeah, yeah.”

“I want a rematch!” Felix’s voice audibly cracks as he whines, lying in a starfish position on the floor. 

“Why did you try to go under and not over me?!” Seungmin remarks with an incredulous stare.

Hyunjin snickers. “That’s what she said.”

You smack him on the chest as the other boys groan. “Oh shut up, Hyunjin!” You hiss, shaking your head at the very mature joke. “We can do a rematch, though, but it’s up to you two,” you add, pointing two fingers at Felix and Seungmin.

Before you bend down to fix the bunched-up Twister mat, you turn to Hyunjin one more time. “And no more dirty jokes!”

The doorbell rings through the small apartment, making a look of puzzlement cross your face. You know you aren’t expecting anyone besides the boys that are already here, so you look to Jisung to see if he is. 

“Did you order takeout, Ji?”

Jisung shakes his head at you, but a small smile graces his lips. “Nope.”

You blink. “…Did you order a package?”

He chuckles lightly. “One could say that.”

The growing gleam in his eye makes you furrow your brow more. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

His small smile morphs into a Cheshire-like grin.

“Why don’t you get the door and find out?”

You stare at him with a twisted face as you slowly get up. You really, really don’t like that sparkle in his eye.

Your stomach jumps with uneasiness as you make your way to the door. Part of it was due to Jisung’s odd phrasing, but regardless, you’re almost terrified to find out what lies on the other side. You just cross your fingers and hope it’s a terrible gift at best that you can pretend to like.

Your hand shakes as you slowly twist the top lock open, then the bottom. Then you pull the door open, and you feel your heart rattle in your chest at the sight.

“…Jeongin?”

You feel like you’re dreaming as you stare at the boy in front of you. Jeongin has a comfy, dark purple sweater over a white hoodie—an actually decent shade of purple that’s pleasing to the eye. He runs a hand through his messy black hair as he smiles at you, letting out a deep but nervous chuckle when he realizes he’s just fluffed his hair up more. He’s grown it out since you last saw him, and his bangs perfectly frame his face, some strands falling in front of his eyes.

You feel the breath sucked out of your lungs. Not because he looks good (but you’re not denying that), or because you pick up a hint of sandalwood and amber lingering from him that nearly makes you dizzy—but because you feel all the memories from over the years flood in all at once. First come the good memories, and there’s tons of them. The several times you played hooky with him, the night he took you to see the glittering lights… the day you first met. It all brings a warm feeling to your chest, sending your heart fluttering as a light blush coats your cheeks.

But right after the good, you’re brought back down to earth with the bad. You’re fortunate that the bad is so little compared to the good, but the night before he left for college so suddenly is one you just can’t erase, no matter how hard you try. Memories of concerned glances and the surging feelings of regret and heartbreak make themselves known once again. Every moment of longing and the mixed feelings of wanting to reconnect with him, to be by his side again, causes your insides to twist in uncomfortable ways.

You can’t tell if you want to yell at him after leaving and not telling you himself, or if you want to run into his arms and never let him go.

Say something, Y/N, your mind screams at you as you remain frozen in place. But what are you supposed to say to someone so dear to your heart, that also happens to be the reason it’s ached for all these years?

You draw in another breath, and you stammer out the first thing that comes to mind.

“H-Hi.”

You mentally slap yourself. That’s all you have to say? You have been yearning for this moment for three years, and all you can come up with is ‘hi’?

Luckily, Jeongin seems to reciprocate, mumbling a “hey” back with an awkward wave, but you still want to kick yourself for your pitiful attempt at a greeting.

You turn around to see Jisung visibly deflate at the interaction. It’s clear now that he’s had this surprise planned for a while, and all his offhand murmurs from the past week about ‘getting the band back together’ are starting to make much more sense. 

He blinks, and in a moment’s notice, his frown is gone and he sweeps in to save the moment.

“Jeongin, come here, my honey sweet!”

You chuckle fondly as Jisung smothers Jeongin with bone-crushing hugs and excessive hair ruffles. It’s just like when you were all awkward tweens and teenagers in the school hallways, except Jisung wasn’t randomly popping up behind you two, and you were all considerably shorter. You forgot how much you missed that.

“We’re about to play another round of Twister,” Jisung chirps after a minute, his arms still securely around the younger. “But I think Hyunjin, Felix, and Seungmin all want to go against each other, so you can go next round.”

Hyunjin cocks a brow. “No, they just said everyone can joi—”

“No they didn’t, Hyunjin,” Jisung bites back through gritted teeth, and sends the blond a look that makes him cower back to the living room. 

Once Hyunjin leaves the room, Jisung turns to a confused Jeongin. “Y/N’s spinning. You can keep her company, maybe catch up a bit while you’re at it?” he suggests.

Jeongin smiles lightly, but he’s shoved into the living room with you in tow before he can verbally respond.

You’re both unceremoniously pushed into your tacky Christmas pillows, and Jisung hands you the spinner. He even does the first spin for you, and sends you a wink as he moves to sit by the window.

You just blink, waiting for the arrow to come to a full stop. “Seungmin, left foot on blue,” you call when it does.

As Seungmin is stepping onto the end blue circle, you spin the spinner again, nibbling on your lip anxiously as you feel Jeongin’s body heat radiating onto you. It makes you want to squirm, and you try your best to keep your eyes on the spinner. 

“Felix, left hand, red.” 

Felix mumbles to himself, but you’re not sure what as you’re not really listening. Once he settles on a dot, you flick the spinner again. 

Jeongin clears his throat and fiddles with his fingers in his lap. “How have you been?” He attempts—keyword: attempts—to ask casually. 

You’re so focused on watching the spinner, all you do is hum in response. When the spinner slows and stops, you clear your own throat. “Jisung, right foot, green,” you call out, “and… alright,” you mumble afterward. “I’ve been alright, you?”

He watches you as you flick the plastic arrow again. “I’ve… I’ve been okay…”He trails off like he wants to say more, but he remains quiet. 

“Hyunjin, left hand, yellow.” 

You’re not sure how long you guys sit there silently for, but your insides feel like they’re trying to claw their way out of you. Maybe ten minutes of silence feels like ten hours, and you desperately pray for the game to end so you could do literally anything else.

If only your thirteen-year-old self could see you now. Maybe you were too dramatic that Christmas, because you are sure this just took the throne as The Most Awkward Conversation Of Your Life™. 

Out of nowhere, a loud gasp booms over Michael Bublé’s “Have A Holly Jolly Christmas”, the boys’ shouting, and whatever cartoon autoplayed after Frosty ended. Everyone’s heads snap to Jisung, who stares with sparkly eyes at the world outside.

You lean past Jeongin to get a glance. Light gray skies, slow-floating crystals, fluffy white blanket… it makes you break out into a grin. So does Jeongin, who smiles fondly as he pats your knee. The move makes you want to do backflips.

“Oh my god, snow!” Jisung cheers, already scurrying for the door. He mutters something about it being ‘just what he needed’ as he zips past you and Jeongin, but quickly turns on his heel when he sees neither of you move a muscle.

“Um, hello?!” the older boy chastises you and Jeongin, tossing you your coats and hitting you both in the face. “It’s the first snow of winter, what are you doing?!” He claps his hands for emphasis, but not before he shoves a pair of mittens into both your hands. “You need. To see. The snow.”

You exchange a knowing look with Jeongin but follow Jisung’s hasty instructions. Neither of you seem to move as fast as he wants you to be, so he does the job for you by hurriedly, but carefully, pushing you both down the stairs and to the lobby.

Jeongin presses his lips into a thin line, stepping closer to you as Jisung dashes back up the stairs to get the rest of the group. You smile back politely, but say nothing else. 

You turn back to the stairs at the sound of Jisung’s voice bouncing off the walls. Whether he knows you two could hear him or not, you don’t think he cares, considering that he’s already yelling at the top of his lungs.

“SEE!” He motions around himself widely. “I TOLD YOU IT’D SNOW WHEN THEY WERE TOGETHER!” A dopey smile covers his face as he holds his hands up to his chest, like he himself had just miraculously fallen in love. “It’s like magic!” 

Judging from a quick glance behind you as you make your way toward the front doors, Hyunjin seems to fully indulge in Jisung’s antics, smiling brightly and hopping up and down as they bound down the stairs. Felix and Seungmin, who trail behind them, don’t seem nearly as amused.

“Jisung, bro,” Seungmin blinks, “It’s literally just the weather.” 

Jisung’s smile drops instantly and he glares at the brunet boy, pointing a finger at him. “No! You had to be there for everything, trust me! I’M NOT CRAZY, WATCH!” 

The listless look doesn’t drop from Seungmin’s face as he follows his overly chipper friend downstairs.

Jeongin snorts, lightly bumping his shoulder into your own. “He’s still on that?” 

You open the front door for the both of you, rolling your eyes. “He never stopped, seriously.” 

The cold air hits you instantly and you’re glad Jisung gave you your gloves to wear. You scan the area around you and the only other people in sight are a group of children across the street. The ever-growing white blanket in front of your apartment complex is all yours and Jeongin’s—anything’s free game.

Unfortunately, the delicate, white crystals fluttering down around you do nothing to help the tension looming between you both. It followed you out of your apartment like a dark storm cloud, and now it’s raining on your snowy parade. You hate it. But you don’t know how to get rid of it.

“Sooo…” you start, and just as quickly trail off. “What now?”

Jeongin just shrugs, watching a snowflake fall to the ground. 

You sigh, mostly to yourself. Looks like you’re going to have to take the lead. You begin to roll up a ball of snow, making it bigger and bigger in hopes of building a snowman.

The bigger and more round your snowman base gets, the more that the little rain cloud between you and Jeongin seems to shrink away. Even though you haven’t said a word to the boy and nearly forgotten he was even there, something about playing in the snow together in silence is… healing. It’s therapeutic in its own right, the soft crystals somehow bringing a feeling of warmth to your chest as you bring out your inner child.

Just as you’re finished with the top body part and you’re lifting it up ready to place, a sudden impact of cold, wet snow hits the back of your neck and begins to slither down your back. This results in you dropping the snowman’s body and you gasp as it breaks apart into heaps on the floor. 

Turning around, you pout as Jeongin looks at you with a cheeky smile playing at his lips. He looks away, whistling innocently and shoving his hands into his coat pockets. Your glare hardens and you quickly pick up the precious bit of used snow, squishing it into a ball before lobbing it in Jeongin’s direction, just barely missing his left arm. 

“You need to work on your aim,” Jeongin remarks cockily, and you scrabble another snowball in your hands. 

Throwing the haphazardly-made snowball in his direction, his laughter fills your ears and makes the butterflies in your stomach fly. You duck as his own snowball is about to hit you, and it just skims the back of your head. 

“This is war!” You glare at your best friend. “You made me mess up my snowman!” 

“Why focus on your snowman when you can focus on me?” Jeongin laughs, making your heart speed up again. 

You hide behind the pitiful remains of your snowman and hold your hands to your cheeks. Sure, you were in a war, but you couldn’t let him see that his words affected you. You could have blamed it on the cold, but would Jeongin really believe it?

“You can’t hide forever,” Jeongin sings, his voice getting nearer and nearer. 

Keeping a watchful eye over your shoulder, you attempt to make a bunch of snowballs as you try to will the color on your cheeks away. You try to calm your breathing, suppressing any giggles that threaten to come out as you grow your small pile of ammo.

As you scramble to prepare for whenever Jeongin plans to pelt you with snowballs, all your worries seem to melt away. Adrenaline rushes through your body as you hear Jeongin’s boots crunch in the snow, but you also feel a wave of calm wash over you. It’s just you, Jeongin, and the white blanket of snow surrounding you two. Just like when you were little.

You missed this.

A small giggle escapes your lips as you peer over your shoulder one more time. Jeongin doesn’t seem to be sneaking up on you—in fact, he’s nowhere in sight. You turn around and let out a sigh of relief. You’re safe.

Until you notice Jeongin towering over you, smirking deviously.

“Did you miss me?”

You let out a squeal, backing yourself against your crumbling snowman as you frantically chuck snowballs his way. He seems to be unfazed by it, only chuckling as the snowballs split into pieces as they hit his chest, and he steps closer to you. 

Soon, you’re resorting to flinging pathetic scoops of snow at him as you try to scoot back. You’re in a fit of giggles as he inches closer, your heartbeat quickening his pace as you chuck one more blob of snow to hopefully deter him. 

It strikes him square in the face.

Your jaw drops in surprise, and you can only watch as Jeongin wordlessly wipes the snow off his face. You search his face for any sign of hurt, fearing you might’ve gone too far, but you only find a mischievous glint in his eye.

Oh no.

You gulp as he drops to his knees and continues to close the gap between you, his smug smile growing wider. A nervous giggle escapes your lips as you watch for his next move, and you grab another handful of snow in your mitt to get ready to fight back—then you feel his fingers at your sides.

“Jeongin, stopppp~!” 

You’re unable to control your laughter as Jeongin mercilessly tickles you. Any attempts at pushing him away are quickly proved fruitless by a shove of his hand, and you’re left thrashing around helplessly as he continues to torture you. 

You’ve practically been thrown into the pillow of former-snowman behind you by the time Jeongin sits back and lets you go. Gasping for air, you let out another giggle as you watch him bend over, hands on the snow by either of your sides as he catches his breath as well.

The air around you falls silent as you stare up at him. You search his face again, your chest heaving up and down. You can’t find any more signs of incoming mischief, but you find his soft gaze staring back at you, and the rosy color pricking at his cheeks. You assume his blush is from the cold, but you know yours is from otherwise.

Another few seconds pass and Jeongin still hasn’t tormented you. A smirk slowly spreads across your face as an idea sparks on your mind. 

Before you can even think it through, you spring up, arms outstretched as you pounce in his direction. He has no time to react before you tackle him, fingers going to his sides as you tickle him and get your sweet revenge. 

“You asshole!” You shriek in between giggles.

It’s now Jeongin’s turn to try to shove your hands away as he scoots back, an endless stream of giggles escaping his mouth as well. Hearing his laughter ring in your ears makes you laugh more in turn as you shuffle after him. You both grapple around for a moment and eventually land on the ground, you on top of Jeongin, your legs all tangled together.

You tickle him for another second when you look up and pause. It’s then that you realize just how close your faces are to each other, and suddenly, you forget how to breathe. Everything goes still for a moment as you stare at him with wide eyes. One more movement and you’d be kissing him.

You pray that Jeongin doesn’t feel your heart hammering against your ribcage as you’re pressed up against him, but you can’t help but wonder if his heart is doing backflips in his own chest.

Unable to take the thoughts swirling inside your head anymore, you roll off of him and onto your back, looking up at the sky. Tiny snowflakes fall around you in a light, gentle flow, but a steady one—it almost feels reassuring. It’s like the universe is sending you a message, in its own special way, that everything will be alright. 

You take a deep breath and look over at the boy next to you. His eyelashes flutter against his cheeks as he blinks, wide eyes gazing up at the snow. A couple snowflakes seem to fall on his face and he scrunches up his nose as he giggles. A fond smile decorates your lips as you watch him, and you feel your heart quicken its pace once again.

Another moment passes and Jeongin turns his head to you. “What's wrong?” he asks, eyebrows furrowed slightly. 

You shake your head and start moving to stand up. “It’s nothing, just…” you trail off, unsure what to say next. You hold out a hand to help him to his feet as well. 

The two of you stand in silence for some time. You take a small step closer to him, and you can’t deny the way your heart swells in your chest as you take in the scene around you. The snow seems to dance around you two, swirling around gently as if the crystals are casting a gentle spotlight on you both. When your eyes land back on Jeongin, you note the snowflakes that dot his chestnut hair and perfectly complement his slightly messy curls. It’s adorably awkward, but he looks cozy, like… almost like home.

He turns his head to look at you and gives you a smile that sends warmth spreading through your whole body. There’s a gentleness to his gaze as his eyes meet yours, and the way he reaches over to move a strand of hair away from your face nearly makes you melt. A faint blush dusts his cheeks as he steps closer to you, closing the distance between you two, and you hope he doesn’t notice your already rosy cheeks glow a deeper red.

“Stay for Christmas?” he whispers.

There’s no helping the grin that grows on your face at the familiar words. 

“Just come here.”

You can hear the squeals of the children across the street (and Jisung from behind you), but you feel at peace as you lean up to wrap your arms around Jeongin’s neck. A small chuckle reverberates through you as you feel him snugly hug you back, and you tuck your head in his shoulder.

You still don’t believe the snow is the seasonal deity that Jisung swears by, but something about the way it gently cascades down feels like it’s wrapping you both in a warm blanket and reassuring you that you’re okay. That you’re home. As Jeongin gently rests his head against yours and sways the two of you back and forth, you realize that this was what you were missing the whole time; not only in your old neighborhood, but during the time Jeongin was away.

Turns out the magic you always felt during this time of year wasn’t just in the snow. It wasn’t just in the whimsicality of Christmas cartoons, or your utter fascination with the holiday lights, either. It’s the feeling of comfort that comes with it, the feeling of knowing that someone who cares about you will be there to do it all with you a thousand times over. That special feeling that only Jeongin has been able to give to you all these years, even if it’s awkward at times, even if you’ve consumed one too many cups of hot chocolate for his liking… the feeling of being home.

You realize that Jeongin is more than just your best friend and your longtime crush—he’s home. And if it takes a bit of snow to realize that, that’s magic enough for you.

24...

Christmas has changed a lot since the previous year with you and Jeongin officially being back at best friend status—not that he had ever left. But just knowing he’s finally home is enough to rekindle your affinity for the holidays that you’ve been lacking for the past few years. Now it’s finally here, and the fire inside you is burning brighter than ever. 

With it being a newfound tradition in the Y/Nsung household—funny enough, you actually coined the name—your apartment this year is once again the main headquarters for all things Christmas festivities. And this time, it’s on Christmas Eve. You thought it’d be fitting, considering your shared history with Jeongin over the date. Like last year, you took care to decorate the apartment to a T, pretty garlands and shades of red and green glistening all over the living area.

The party had very much been a success, with only a few disagreements (read: screaming matches) between Hyunjin and Felix about who was actually better at the chosen game, and who was, in fact, cheating. You suspected both of them cheated at some point, but decided staying silent was probably the better option. 

And after a hearty meal of Chinese take-out from the 24/7 open restaurant, the three boys, minus Jeongin, called it a night and headed out for the comforts of their warm beds. You could still hear Hyunjin and Felix arguing as they left, with a sulking Seungmin behind them, grumbling something about having to listen to them all the way back to their hotel. 

You close the door behind them and turn to your best friend. He’s standing rather close to you, making your heart speed up slightly. The small smile that covers his face leaves you feeling comforted, loved.

It’s crazy how much can happen in a year. The awkwardness you feared would persist after being apart for three years had melted away after Jeongin (and Jisung) surprised you with his return, after that impromptu snowball fight that set your heart alight. You two spent the following few days doing some much-need catching up, and now, you’re closer than ever. It was like he never left home. Or, rather, like you were finally home.

“I thought you would have gone with them,” you mention, your own smile playing at your lips. 

Jeongin shrugs, opening his arms out wide, indicating his need for a hug. “Just wanted to spend more time with you.” You giggle, shuffling into his arms. “Without all of the yelling,” he finishes his sentence as a mumble. 

“Yeah,” you sigh into his chest. “This is much nicer.” 

Maybe it’s weird to say that you feel something in the air shift. Or maybe it was the way Jeongin subtly changed his grip on you, but something seems different all of a sudden. 

“Are you okay?” Your voice comes out softer than you expected, but when Jeongin holds you tighter and just sighs, your suspicions become elevated. 

He lets his arms fall from you and he slips one hand into your own, leading you back into your living room. An uncomfortable silence sifts between you two.

“Jeonginnie?” you finally say after another moment.

“I need to talk to you about something.” He frowns, pulling you down so you’re sitting next to him. “It’s serious.” 

A frown of your own instantly takes its place on your face. Jeongin sits there, his gaze on your one hand in his lap, and he plays with your fingers in hopes of calming himself down. 

“And I need to tell you because I don’t want what happened before to repeat itself.” Jeongin explains. “I don’t want to go however many years to go by again because I didn’t tell you myself.” He continues, now looking at you. 

Eyebrows furrowed, you gaze at him. “Jeongin, what’s going on?” 

“I… I got a job offer…”

You’re about to open your mouth and congratulate him, then he finishes his sentence, finally looking you in the eye.

“…but it’s two cities away.” 

If Jeongin listened carefully enough, he could’ve heard your heart crack in your chest.

“Oh…” 

He nods his head solemnly. “My parents are flying out with me tomorrow night to go check out apartments.” His gaze falls back to your hand that’s on his lap, and his voice grows softer as he continues to explain. “We’ll be back by New Year’s, but… once we settle on a place and sign the lease…” 

“…You’ll be leaving again,” you quietly finish his sentence, your voice wavering at the end. He nods once more. 

It’s like you were nineteen all over again, but this time, you had Jeongin in front of you—almost softening the blow. All the emotions you felt after he had left the first rush back to the surface all at once, and you nearly feel like you’re drowning. 

But you stuff it all down. You shove it back in the crackling dam that is your heart, at least for the moment. You can let out your frustration with the world when Jeongin goes home. Not now.

Be strong, Y/N. 

“We can still text,” you begin, your voice filled with hope—at least, you pray that’s what comes across. “And call and FaceTime.” 

The sides of Jeongin’s lips turn up into a small smile. Slowly, he moves his hand so it’s wrapped in yours, entwining your fingers together and giving it a reassuring squeeze. 

“We will.” He looks up at you again. “I just wanted to be the one to tell you this time.” 

You squeeze his hand back. Your heart races. “I appreciate that.” 

A thick, heavy silence spreads across the room. You’re too focused on gazing into Jeongin’s eyes to care about the world outside of your little bubble with him. But your heart cries out, not wanting the moment to end. Not when this could be the last night you see Jeongin for a while.

You want to hold his hand and hold him in your arms and never let him go. But you know you can’t do that. Not when this job could be a big deal for him, not when it could change his whole life. 

So you let the warmth from his hand seep into yours. You let your head fall onto his shoulder. You let the butterflies fly in all directions at the sight, and feeling, of his sweet gaze on you. The one you’ll miss so dearly when he’s gone.

The one you’ll cherish for as long as you can.

“YAHOOOO!!”

A loud yell echoes throughout the apartment, causing your stares to break and Jeongin to drop your hand. With the yell coming from the only other known person in the apartment, you silently think of the ways you’d hurt Jisung in his sleep tonight for ruining the moment.

Soon, a trail of slamming doors and footsteps are heard, growing in frequency and volume as they get closer and closer to the living room. Then the living room door swings open and slams against the wall, Jisung’s hand stopping it from bouncing back and hitting him in the face whilst he prances into the room with the largest gummy smile you've ever seen. His cheeks are all pink and he looks like he could burst into happy tears at any moment.

“Guess what, my babies!” he sings, maybe a little too lively, “Looks like your guardian angel came to the rescue, Jeongin’s not leaving tomorrow!”

Blinking, you sit there, your lips twisting into a confused grimace as he dramatically wipes the corners of his eyes with his sleeve. You want to wholeheartedly believe your fanatical roommate. You wish so desperately for this to just be some bad dream you’re about to wake up from. But the way your heart continues to squeeze in your chest, even as Jisung skipped into the room so cheerfully, tells you all of this is real. The idea that a last-minute Christmas miracle is about to turn things around sounds too good to be true.

You’re about to interject and beg Jisung to explain, but he beats you to it, sensing the skepticism on your and Jeongin’s faces. “Look outside!” He feverishly points to the window. “You’ll see what I mean!”

Lifting your head off Jeongin’s shoulder, you exchange confused looks with the younger boy as you both get on your feet. He leads the way to the window by your front door, blindly reaching behind him for your hand and connecting your fingers when he finds it. You notice Jisung wiggling his eyebrows at you and almost let go to make him stop, but Jeongin lightly squeezes your hand before your fingers can slip away. 

Heat rises to your cheeks as you push the blinds to the side, and you hope Jeongin doesn’t glance your way and notice. Luckily, he’s too occupied with gaping at the scene outside. And so are you.

It is, in fact, snowing—and it’s snowing hard. Wind howls against your thin apartment walls as the icy flakes come pouring down, a thick, white fog blurring your view of the street below you. 

“Wow…” you mumble to yourself. In the fifteen or so years since you’ve moved, you’ve never witnessed a snowfall this hard. Let alone on the first snow of winter.

“It’s snowing like this all over the country,” Jisung remarks, showing the two of you the weather report on his phone. Jeongin scrolls through the list with one finger and, to his horror, the city where his new job is located is there. 

“You know what that means?” Jisung continues, a small smirk on his face. “No leaving, at least for a few days.”

You keep your gaze out the window, your spirits brightening at the news. As selfish as it was, you could barely control the surge of happiness bursting inside you at the thought of having Jeongin around for a little while longer. 

Maybe a Christmas miracle is possible.

You completely miss Jeongin’s loved-up stare as you look back at him, a concerned frown on your face. “What about your flight tomorrow?”

He shrugs, rubbing his thumb in circles on the back of your hand. “I’ll figure something out,” he mumbles.

He steps closer to you, and you swear you see sparkles in his eyes as he gazes into your own. You forget Jisung is there as the taller boy leans down until your noses are nearly touching. A small smile grazes his features as he whispers, a gentle but playful timbre to his voice:

“Stay for Christmas?” 

“I– um– uh–” you sputter at the sudden close contact, your eyes widening in surprise. You take a second to breathe and recompose yourself before you try again, sheepishly gesturing to the window, “I don’t think you have a choice.” 

You carefully watch Jeongin for his reaction. He seems to lean forward, inching his face even closer to yours, and you feel your breath get caught in your throat. 

The boy squeezes your hand and leans his forehead against yours, a shameless grin on his face as he flashes you a wink.

“Fine by me.”

You pray that he can’t hear your heart pounding in your chest, or that he doesn’t mention how red your cheeks are. You note the pink tint dusting his cheeks as he steps back, in case he decides to tease you for the latter. Despite your embarrassment, the shy giggle that slips out his mouth still makes you smile.

Jisung suddenly breaks the moment with a dreamy sigh, a hand flying over his heart. “And it’s all thanks to snow!” 

You roll your eyes dismissively. “How much longer are you going to keep on about this magic snow?” you ask, causing Jisung to snort. 

“As long as I want, Miss Tuxedo Effect.” 

You can practically hear the shit-eating grin on Jisung's face. You drop Jeongin’s hand as you snap your head to the older boy, throwing a scowl his way.

“‘Miss Tuxedo Effect?’” Jeongin questions, an eyebrow raised as he looks between the two of you. 

If your cheeks weren’t already as red as a tomato, they surely are now. “Don’t ask,” you grumble, swiftly heading to the kitchen to try and evade his prying. To your disdain, he follows you like a lost puppy.

“What’s he talking about?” he asks again. When Jisung, who’s treading behind you two in amusement, goes to open his mouth, you glare him into silence.

“It’s nothing.”

That seems to shut your overly curious best friend up long enough for you to pour yourself a glass of milk. The less Jeongin knew about the tuxedo effect incident, the better. You don’t need two boys torturing you about it, especially when the first one still refuses to let it go after eight years.

You watch him in silence as your drink heats up in the microwave, his eyebrows knitted together as he tries to search your and Jisung’s faces for answers. You maintain a poker face, but of course Jisung revels in Jeongin’s nosiness.

“Jeongin, think about it,” he hums, casually taking a bite of one of Felix’s cookies. You resist the urge to slap it out of his hand.

“Don’t,” you glower at him.

“How many times has she seen guys in tuxedos?” Jisung continues, his cheeks casually puffed up with food.

“Depends,” Jeongin looks to his friend and shuffles closer to you, “are we counting movies?”

Jisung snorts, nearly spitting out a chunk of chewed-up cookie. “Don’t include movies!” He covers his mouth with one hand as he gulps the bite down. “You’ll never narrow it down if you do!”

Your jaw drops in offense as the boys fill the kitchen with giggles. “Hey!”

An embarrassed flush creeps onto your cheeks again and you turn to pull your mug out of the microwave. You take a sip of the warm milk as you stew quietly, waiting for their laughs to die down. 

“Okay, okay, seriously,” Jisung pipes up after a moment, stifling another giggle. “If you just look at high school…” he glances at you, his mouth quivering into a teasing grin, “she’s only seen guys in tuxedos, like, three times.”

“It was more than three!” You exclaim defensively, placing your mug down before you list off… every single time you’ve seen a boy in a suit.

You can’t believe you’re having this conversation.

“There was junior prom,” you hold up a finger, “senior prom,” you hold up another finger. You hesitate, then add, “the one time I went to homecoming—”

“Hey, that homecoming one doesn’t count!” Jisung protests. “You volunteered for extra credit!”

You groan and throw your hands up in defeat. Okay, maybe it was only three times, but you’d rather do anything else than admit it..

“Then what else is there?!”

Jisung shoots you a challenging look, eyebrows raised as one corner of his mouth threatens to twitch into a smirk. Your exasperated look immediately drops. You know, Jisung knows… and a quick glance at Jeongin tells you he just figured it out.

“Don’t tell me it was the formal?” The taller boy watches you with wide eyes.

“Jeongin!” you whine.

He gasps, a hand slapping over his mouth as he leaps over to smother you. 

“It was!”

His name escapes you once again as you use his shoulder as a way to try and shield yourself from the embarrassment—and him seeing the bright red tint currently burning your cheeks. 

“You thought I was cute when I wore that oversized suit?” he chuckles, letting his arms go around you.

“Shit up,” you continue to whine. 

Jeongin’s deep chuckle basically vibrates through you, it makes the butterflies in your stomach scatter. Your ear tingles when you feel his hot breath brush against it.

“If it's any consolation, you looked really good, too.” 

You smack his chest and turn your head away from him in hopes of him not seeing your blush. It fails miserably. 

“Oh my god, you’re blushing so hard,” Jeongin coos, using his free hand to try and get you to face him again. “Look how cute,” he hums.

With his fingers on your chin, you shut your eyes tightly. There was no way you could look him in the eye and have a rational thought. Not now, not when he was being so open and—dare you say it—flirty with you. 

“You’re so annoying,” you mumble, your eyes still closed. 

On the contrary, you don’t know how much more your heart can take. You don’t even have to open your eyes to know Jeongin is still smirking his ass off. 

“You don’t mean that, right, Miss Tuxedo Effect?” 

Your eyes snap open, your jaw tightening in an attempt to glare at him. He did not just go there. But at this point, with this new cocky attitude, why did it even surprise you he’d stoop so low? 

“You—” Your mind lapses and you’re unable to finish your sentence. 

Jeongin tilts his head slightly, his smile still crooked. “You?” 

Maybe it’s by sheer luck on your part or utter stupidity on Jisung’s, but a small noise makes you both turn and look at the older boy, who has his phone held up at the two of you. 

click.

He backs away slowly, retreating to the living room door. “You'll thank me for these later.” 

Rolling your eyes, you stare at him. “Why? Because the magic snow told you so?” 

Jisung gasps, pointing at you with a glare. 

“It’s not magic snow, it’s fate and I’ve already proved it enough times!” He yaps on. Huffing, he crosses his arms over his chest and his eyes narrow at you. “By the way, Jeongin will have to sleep in your room.” 

You freeze at his statement and feel all the color drain your face. 

“Uh…” you gulp. “Why?” 

“Well you see,” Jisung starts. His eyes flutter around the room, unable to stay on you. “The… the pull-out is broken!” He snaps his fingers before pointing at you. “Yeah, yeah, last time Hyunjin was here, he totally ripped it to shreds, sugarplum.” 

You blink slowly. The last time Hyunjin was here was last month, and Jisung was using the pull-out last week just fine.

“It’s just so broken now,” the older boy continues on his tangent, making a tsk noise and shaking his head. “He said he’d replace it, but he hasn’t yet, so it looks like Jeongin is going to have to bunk with you.” Jisung tries to laugh as he shrugs his shoulders. 

“Uh…” you repeat. 

It’s not that you didn’t want to share your room, let alone your bed, with Jeongin. He’s been your best friend for fifteen years—if there’s any guy on the planet you are comfortable doing that with, it’s him. Not even Heeseung or Yeonjun reached that level with you.

But even though you and Jeongin are attached to the hip, you two were never this close. Especially not when your parents shut down every attempt to stay for Christmas growing up. Why didn’t they just let you two do it? Surely, if they did, this wouldn’t be making your palms sweat as much as they are right now. 

That wasn’t the only issue now, though. Not when he could be moving away any day now, if it weren’t for the blizzard outside. Not when it took you this long to realize what you would give for him to stay.

Not stay for Christmas. Just stay.

“I can sleep on the normal couch,” Jeongin suggests, breaking your train of thought. Jisung feverishly shakes his head. 

“No!” He yells, his eyes wide. “I mean, you can’t, it’s so uncomfortable, you’ll have a bad back. It’s better to share with Y/N!” 

Jeongin’s cocky attitude seems to dissolve in seconds. His smirk melts into a small sheepish smile, the tips of his ears turn pink, and he can barely look you in the eye. 

“Is that okay?” he asks in the smallest voice ever. 

It’s now or never, Y/N. 

“Sure,” you smile. “It’s fine.” 

Jeongin shuffles out of the room, leaving you to glare daggers at the boy who’s gone back to nonchalantly snacking on Felix’s leftover desserts.

“You are so full of shit,” you grumble, feeling the blood rush to your cheeks again.

Jisung just gives you a tilted smile mid-munch.

“Would it help if I said the snow told me to do it?”

You slam your hand on the kitchen island, throwing your head back in despair and frustration. “You’ve lost your mind.”

“I didn’t, the snow did!” Jisung yells after you as you stomp out of the kitchen.

As Jeongin hogs the bathroom and gets ready for bed, you replay your words over and over in your head as you pace back and forth in your room, creating a small draft. ‘It’s fine’?! Are you crazy?! It’s not fine. It’s not fine at all.

Why did you agree to let Jeongin sleep just centimeters away from you? Is it too late to back out and hide in Jisung’s room for the night? If anything, Jisung deserved it for a multitude of reasons, the primary one being his ongoing snow escapades. You don’t know why you didn’t try fighting back on that earlier.

Running a hand through your hair, you heave out a sigh and flick the lights off. You pull your duvet up and shuffle under the covers, bunching the blanket around your chest and letting your arms rest on top of it. A strange feeling swirls in your stomach as you stare up the ceiling, and you truly think about what you just signed up for.

After fourteen years, you’re finally getting that Christmas sleepover you and Jeongin have been joking about since you were ten. Well… the one you’ve been joking about since you were ten. Jeongin started it, then attempted to forget it existed for a while, then he started joking along with you. However, at some point… it didn’t feel like you were joking anymore.

You don’t remember when, specifically—if there even was a specific moment. You just remember that at some point, despite years and years of endless teasing on your part, you genuinely wanted this sleepover. With all the roadblocks you two had endured during your childhood and teen years, though, you thought it’d never happen. 

And now, here you are.

The soft click of the door opening causes you to look up. Light from the hallway floods into the room and Jeongin smiles warmly at you. His hair is fluffy and he still has a few drops of water on his forehead from washing his face. He smooths out his oversized black t-shirt a little as his eyes meet yours, then he looks down and dusts off his gray sweatpants. You can’t help but smile fondly at the sight. 

His smile fades into something more timid as he closes the door behind him and shuffles over to the bed. Before climbing into the covers, he looks at you, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Is this…” he hesitates, “Are you sure this is oka—”

You chuckle, gently cutting him off. “Just get in the bed, Jeongin.”

A bittersweet feeling cascades over you as he tucks himself under the covers. It’s really happening. Your first Christmas sleepover has finally officially begun, after fourteen years of waiting. Somewhere in the back of your mind, though, you’re plagued with a brutal reminder that this could also be your last Christmas together. Ever.

You feel Jeongin move around a bit, soon settling and facing you. You shift onto your side after a moment, smiling tightly at him before letting your gaze drift out your window.  Snow continues to surge down, and the wind rattles against the glass. If it weren’t for the dim glow of the streetlight outside, you wouldn’t be able to see a thing.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” Jeongin mumbles after a beat. You don’t need more light to know he has a cocky grin on his face.

“I’m not even looking at you, dummy,” you scoff, pointing past his ear and out the window.

He turns his head around, following your finger. Once he lands his eyes on the window, his jaw drops slightly and nods in understanding. “I didn’t think it would snow this hard.”

His voice is soft but gentle, and it makes your heart skip a beat. You force out a chuckle in an attempt to ground yourself. “Should’ve known Jisung would’ve gone mad.”

Jeongin snorts, “He’s long gone, you know this.” He turns around again, the corners of his lips lifting up slightly. “But… at least I get to stay for Christmas.”

You can't help but smile back. “After all these years,” you muse.

“Yeah…”

A beat of silence. “Is this what you imagined it would be?” You ask, your voice quieter.

Jeongin purses his lips together, looking down for a second. “When I was ten? No.”

You both chuckle.

“I thought we’d be knocked out on the couch after eating too many cookies,” Jeongin continues before adding as an afterthought, “Well, after you ate too many cookies.”

You gasp in fake offense, lightly swatting at his chest. “Hey, you were just as bad!”

He scoffs, and another chuckle slips out. It’s like music to your ears.

Then another beat of silence.

“Was this what you imagined it would be?” He repeats your question back to you.

Your eyes meet his as you shake your head. ”No.”

It wasn’t… at least, not until you got older, but he didn’t need to know that.

Feeling some of the tension melt away, you and Jeongin continue to lie down next to each other in a comfortable silence. You aren’t sure how quickly you became accustomed to feeling his body heat seeping into you. In so little time, this image of Jeongin lying next to you, you want it burned inside your mind. The image of his hair so fluffy, you want to reach out and run your hands through it. The silhouette of him under the covers so cozy, you want to throw yourself into his arms.

How it had been a measly fifteen minutes, but this scenario with him… of you two being together… you want it forever.

“Are you okay?” Jeongin’s voice breaks the silence, as well as your train of thought.

You let out a sigh. “I… I guess.”

You can’t help but feel like this is some cruel twist of fate. That maybe the snow isn’t magical or special, but rather cruel and cunning—teasing you by giving you what you’ve always wanted, your stay for Christmas, only to rip it away from you so ruthlessly in a few days. 

All of the words you want to say, that you wish you could say, becomes a bitter pill in your mouth. It leads you to wonder if it was worth spitting it all out, or if you should swallow and shove it down instead. If anything you say in this moment, if you tore your chest open and bore your heart out for Jeongin to see… would it really change anything? 

You already know the answer, but it doesn’t mean you can’t try.

“I…” you start. “I don’t want you to leave.” 

While you were lost in thought, Jeongin had shifted himself so he was laying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He exhales and you can practically see his breath in the air.

“Honestly?” he sighs. “I don’t either.” 

“Then…” you hesitate. “Then can’t you just stay…” your voice shakes. “…with me?”

It feels weird not asking that he stay for Christmas, but you have that covered right now. You know it won’t last forever if you’re not careful, though, so it’s pointless to try.

So it’s not stay for Christmas, for once in your life. Just stay. 

He rolls over onto his side so he’s facing you and he places his hand ever so near yours. “I wish I could. but hey, we’ll work it out.” He smiles reassuringly. “Just like you said, we can text, we can FaceTime, we can visit…” 

Pushing your lips into a thin line, you nod. “R-Right. Yeah.”

Gently, he grabs your hand in his, rubbing the back of it with his thumb. “We'll make it work. We’re…” He pauses. You can’t pinpoint what in his eyes changes in the dark. “We’re best friends for a reason, remember?”

You sigh. “I… I guess.”

But was there a reason? Sure, you may have asked him if he wanted to be your friend when you first moved to the neighborhood, but you didn’t plan any of this. Nine-year-old you just needed a friend to ease your mother’s worries—you had no way to know what fate had in store for you two when you did get that friend. 

Now Jeongin is way more than a friend to you. More than the awkward boy in an obnoxious purple sweater you met all those years ago. He's, to keep it short, home. And you don’t know if you can handle losing your way home a third time.

Maybe the reason was simply fate, because all of this—it just kind of happened. And now you’re stuck, unsure what to do next… or maybe you do.

You hesitate for one moment, then take a deep breath. 

“But it— it’s more than that.” 

You stare at your entwined hands, watching how Jeongin continues to caress the back of your hand with his thumb. Swallowing your nerves, you look up to catch his eyes.

Here goes nothing.

“Jeongin, I really don’t want this to mess up what we have, but I…” you pause. “I fell for you.” 

You attempt to gauge his reaction. You can’t read the look in his eyes, but somehow, it urges you to keep going.

“I’m sorry this is so sudden,” you start again, your voice shaky, “it’s just— you’re such an important part of my life, you always have been.” You feel your eyes prick with tears. “And even when you were gone, I always found myself wanting to run back to you.”

You pause again, softly biting down on your lip as you struggle to swallow down your pounding heart. You take one more deep breath.

“It’s… it’s always been you, Jeongin.” Your voice cracks, a small whimper escapes your lips. Your eyes continue to well as the floodgates open in your heart, and you look down before you completely break. “I-I can’t lose you again.”

You attempt to blink your tears away, but a few manage to slide down your cheek, seeping into your pillow. Shaking your head, your lower lip quivers, and you choke out a sob.

“Y/N…”

Jeongin slips his hand out of yours and you try your best to calm your breathing. He slowly moves his hand up, gently brushing away a few stray hairs that stick to your face, and you look up at him through glassy eyes. Your vision blurs, but you sense a feeling of longing, an almost-bittersweet swirl of warmth and affection radiating from Jeongin as he gazes down at you.

As he moves to cup your cheek, wiping away a tear with the pad of his thumb, the sound of your pounding heart rings in your ears. The sensation seems to fade into the background when he begins to speak.

“I fell for you, too. I… I have been for years, actually.”

Your breath hitches in your throat at his words. He smiles tenderly at you as you sniffle, wiping away another tear.

“It’s always been you, too, Y/N, and I hate that it took so long to realize it,” he breathes out after another moment. "If anyone should be apologizing here, it’s me.”

“Jeongin…” you mumble, but he shakes his head firmly. 

“I never should’ve left the first time without saying goodbye.” The boy sighs, remorse pooling in his eyes as they meet yours. “It— it hurt so much to think about, but leaving you like that hurt even more.” His gaze drifts down for a moment and he slips his free hand into yours, giving it a gentle squeeze. Smiling lightly, he looks back up at you, his regrets replaced with a newfound conviction. “I’m not letting that happen again.”

A new sensation overwhelms you: one of relief, of euphoria. It fills the empty gaps in your chest, and causes the butterflies in your stomach to take flight. It’s as if you had been stranded at sea for years and finally found land, as if you had one puzzle piece left before everything seamlessly clicked into place. For the first time in years, everything feels right. Jeongin’s gaze, so sugary sweet like honey, makes you crave more.

His smile widens, causing yours to do the same. “I guess we have one more reason we have to make this work, then, right?”

A small giggle escapes you so quickly that you can’t even catch it. Jeongin catches the few tears—tears of happiness this time���that slip from your eyes, before pulling you into his embrace, fully immersing you in his warmth. You hug him back tightly, tucking your head into his shoulder and never wanting to let go.

“I love you, Jeongin,” you whisper.

You feel Jeongin press a light kiss to the top of your head. When he pulls away, he reaches a hand up, gently cradling the back of your head as he brushes his nose against your hair. 

“I love you, too, Y/N.” 

This image of you and Jeongin… all snuggled up, warm and safe in each other’s arms throughout the night... this feels right. This feels like home.

You’re home.

...to 25. (epilogue)

The bitter air churns around you as you step out of Jisung’s car, and you immediately regret not wearing a larger coat instead of just your cardigan. However, before you can pull it closer to you, you feel Jeongin slide his hand into yours, entwining your fingers together. Sighing contentedly, you lean into his shoulder and gaze up at him.

“You okay, there?” He rubs his thumb over the back of your hand. “I know I look dashing, but still.”

You scoff lightly. “‘M just cold, Jeongin.”

Smiling, he turns his head to face you, his breath warm against your ear.

“Okay, but try not to fall too hard for me, Miss Tuxedo Effect.” 

Rolling your eyes, you use your free hand to hit his chest. “Shut up.” 

His chuckles are like heaven in your ears. You want to hear more of it, even if it’s at your own expense. And you knew he was never going to let you live “tuxedo effect” down. Just like Jisung and his “sugarplum” ordeal, this was just another nickname you’d have to put under your belt—not that you minded much, not when you got to hear Jeongin laugh in the way he does. 

Your attention gets brought back to him once you feel him squeeze your hand lightly. Your eyes linger on him and shift to the subtle light shining from your front porch. You notice how stiff he’s gotten, wide eyes staring blankly at your house like a deer in headlights.

“You okay?” you ask quietly, rubbing the back of his hand with your thumb. 

He sighs and hesitantly nods. “Just… nervous.”

You smile. Following the events from last Christmas Eve, Jeongin moved into his new apartment close to his job at the end of January. By the beginning of summer, he and Jisung helped get you a job closer to him so you could move in with your now-boyfriend.

Despite having an extra month together after Christmas, neither of you exactly… broke it to your parents that you two got together. You don’t remember if it just slipped your minds or if you two wanted to surprise them, but either way, they’ll find out in just a few moments. Given your history with the Christmas party and Christmas as a whole, you both agreed there’s no better place to break the news.

Getting up onto your tippy-toes, you place the lightest kiss onto his cheek, but pull away far too quickly in Jeongin’s opinion. “It’ll be okay.” You squeeze his hand. “I’m right next to you.” 

He glances at you, a smile playing at his lips. “Always?” 

You hum, nodding. “Always.” Then you give him a quick once-over and huff, a grimace twisting your mouth. “But do you really need to wear that?”

Jeongin looks down at his outfit, and his smile slowly grows more bashful as he fixes the tie of his tuxedo. Meanwhile, you’re left to painstakingly replay the events from five minutes ago in your mind.

The scene itself mirrored the one from when you were sixteen: Jisung in the driver’s seat, you in the passenger seat, and Jeongin trying desperately hard to get changed in the backseat, Mariah Carey taunting him from the speakers. Every now and then, Jisung tried to push his luck by jolting the car forward. 

It was all way too similar, except this time, there was no sneaking Jeongin out of the house. Also, there was really no need for an emergency tux this time around. Yet, somehow, Jisung still convinced him to put it on.

“I just want to make a good impression,” you hear Jeongin squeak out a moment later. You look back at him and he’s frantically smoothing out his suit jacket, and a light pink blush dusts his cheeks and the tips of his ears. You have to restrain yourself from smothering the boy with kisses at the sight. 

“Babe, you already have a good impression,” you chuckle adoringly, “you grew up here, remember?”

Your boyfriend gazes at you with wide eyes, uncertainty glazing his features. You step closer to him, taking his hand in yours again.

“It’ll be okay,” you repeat, allowing Jeongin to lace your fingers together. “And Jisung did not need to bring the suit with us.”

“But it’s an emergency tux, Y/N,” Jeongin says. “You have to keep it around you in case you need it, it’s in the name!”

“This isn’t even a fancy emergency!”

“But Jisung said it’s a romantic one! That counts!”

You let out a deep sigh, but you can’t be too mad at Jisung for trying to help. “Fine, fine.” You wait a moment then wonder aloud, “Speaking of, when do you think Jisung will get back?” 

Since Jisung still lives in town, he welcomed you both back to his apartment with open arms and, in true Jisung fashion, an excessive amount of babying. He had taken the liberty of not only driving two cities away to pick you two up (he claims he came for a job interview anyway—you don’t not believe him, but you think he also just missed you two), but also dropping you both off at your house before driving off to get coffee.

Jeongin shrugs. “Who knows? He does love his coffee.”

You chuckle fondly. “He’ll catch up later.”

Pulling Jeongin by the hand, you lead the way up the pavement and to the confines of your house. 

Even though it hadn’t been long since you were last here, you missed it dearly. You also missed the way your house was now adorned with Christmas lights. Every year, your dad always seemed to outdo himself with putting up better and better lights. You are sure he had been planning it since last year, that maybe he had already started on next year’s lights, too. 

When you walk through your front door, you’re met with the smell of cinnamon and sugar cookies. There’s light Christmas music in the air and everyone is scattered around, laughing, drinking, and having a merry time. Your mom and dad are nowhere to be seen—you assume they’re in the kitchen somewhere, checking on guests or snacks. You figure you’ll bump into them eventually.

You find countless familiar faces in the sea of people. You see old families that have lived in the neighborhood since before you moved here, families that you have come to view as part of your own. You spot the kids you grew up with; some who are freshly-turned teenagers, and others who have since grown up and started their own lives. You even see Yeonjun, sharing a drink with his girlfriend.

While it was awkward between you at first, you both came to terms with what you had and what you were. You two loved each other, but not in the way that the other wanted or needed. He was a memory, carved into you like stone, but a cherished one that you will hold deep in your heart.

Your eyes meet and you both smile instantly at the sight of each other. His eyes glance back at the boy beside you and you can see how he laughs, his smile growing wider. His eyes meet yours again, he nods his head and you nod yours. 

There’s no need for spoken words. You’re both happy, and you’re both happy the other is happy. Everything you two went through, from your journeys together to your journeys apart, has led you to this moment. 

Ultimate happiness. 

Jeongin pulls your attention back to him, leading you through small groups of people, and you turn back one final time to send Yeonjun a smile. When you look back around to see where Jeongin is guiding you, you see his mom sitting at the dining table, munching away on some snacks on a paper plate. 

She looks up with a bright smile; you’re sure it’s where Jeongin got his from. However, her smile soon melts into confusion at Jeongin’s peculiar outfit. Rising from her seat, she pulls her son into a hug. 

“Hey, sweeties,” she hums, pulling away from Jeongin after a second, keeping her hands on his shoulders as she looks down at his ‘emergency tux’. “Why are you wearing a tux? It’s just the Christmas party.” 

“I told you,” you mumble from beside him. 

He huffs, pulling and lossing the tie around his neck. “I just… it’s dumb.” 

“No, no,” you pout. “You look great, don’t worry about it.” 

Chuckling, Jeongin runs a hand through his hair, his eyes landing on you as he smiles. 

“Of course you’d say that, Miss Tuxedo Effect.” 

Rolling your eyes, you mutter to yourself as Mrs. Yang giggles. 

“Well, for whatever reason you’re wearing it,” Mrs. Yang pinches Jeongin’s cheek causing him to attempt to pull away. “You look very handsome, honey sweet.” 

“T-Thanks, Mom.” 

Pulling on Jeongin’s hand, you fish into your bag, pulling out a pair of black jeans and an almost-obnoxious shade of purple sweatshirt. Dubbing them an ‘emergency change of clothes’, you now know you were right to pack them. 

“You packed spare clothes?” Jeongin asks as you shove them in his hands. 

Humming, you nod your head. “Of course, I knew Jisung would try and fill your head with some foolish idea.” 

“It wasn’t…” You cut him off with a look. He doesn't finish his sentence. 

He puts the jeans over his arm, pulling the sweatshirt out to see. You almost fail to notice the way the tips of his ears, once again, turn pink as he smiles. 

“I thought you hated this color,” he laughs. 

Pushing him forward and in the direction of the stairs, you concede. “Eh, it grew on me. Now please change.” 

Jeongin continues to laugh as he struggles against you. “I’m going, I’m going!” 

When he comes down a mere five minutes later, the now-discarded tux in his hands, you can tell he’s far more comfortable than before. He leaves it on the couch and takes his place beside you once again, slipping his hand into yours. This time, you take the initiative to thread your fingers together.

A gasp leaves Mrs. Yang’s parted lips when she notes the way her son beams down at you. A warm glow seems to encircle him, and you can almost count the specks in his sparkly eyes when you look up. There’s nothing but affection swimming in his loved-up smile—just pure endearment for you.

“Did you two?” She watches you two with wide eyes. 

You and Jeongin suddenly look away from each other. Bashfully, you let your gaze fall to the floor, and you feel a tinge of red tickle your ears, but you don’t bother to let his hand go.

He doesn’t, either. He just squeezes your hand lightly as he nods, letting out a shy giggle.

Mrs. Yang gasps again, her hands flying over her mouth. Like mother, like son.

“You did!”

Without warning, she springs up from her chair. “Oh, I have to go find your father, now!” she gushes, pulling Jeongin into a bone-crushing hug. When she lets go of your startled boyfriend, she turns to you, squeezing you tight. “And your parents, too!”

You let out an embarrassed chuckle as you hug her back. When you both part, Mrs. Yang turns on her heel and scurries to the kitchen. 

Jeongin snaps his head towards you as his mother’s figure disappears into the crowd. His lips twitch up to an amused grin—it only grows wider when you match his expression. 

You shake your head to yourself, leaning your forehead against his shoulder. You feel Jeongin’s hand snake around your back, and you let out an exasperated sigh as he pulls you into his own hug.

“Parents, am I right?” he comments. His other arm hooks snugly around your waist, bringing you in closer. You shake your head into the crook of his neck as your own arms go around the boy.

“If that’s how your mom reacts, imagine what mine’s gonna do,” you mumble into his skin.

For better or worse, you’re quickly proven right.

“Ohhh, look how cute!”

You know exactly what happens next without even moving your head. Your mother, amidst her endless gushing about how she’s been “waiting for this day for years!”, scrambles to pull her phone out of her pocket, making a beeline straight for the camera app. Her mouth is probably gaping up and down like a fish, and she’s most definitely shuffling around the crowded space for the best angle. If your and Jeongin’s fathers were dragged along, they do nothing to stop her (not that they could to begin with, but still).

You don’t need to look up to know, and you don’t want to. You’d much rather her not see how red your face is, anyway.

“Okay, don’t move!” your mother orders. “One, two…”

“Mom!” you whine, burrowing yourself further into Jeongin’s sweater.

As your mother fulfills her need for pictures, Jeongin’s giggles ring in your ears. You try to focus on that to will your embarrassment away.

“Are you done yet, Mom?” you speak after a moment. A pout forms on your lips when she tuts.

“Uh uh, I need more!”

“You don’t have enough yet?!”

“There’s never enough photos!” A hearty, teasing laugh leaves her throat, chiming over the music for a second. “You know this, sugarplum.”

“Wait, so that’s why Jisung calls you ‘sugarplum’?!” Jeongin questions. He almost pulls back to get a better look at you, but you grip onto him tighter before he has the chance.

“Yes, and that’s my sugarplum!” Another familiar voice cries out.

Stepping back from Jeongin, you turn to see Jisung standing there with a childish frown on his face. He holds a take-out cup in one hand, and lets go of a girl’s hand to point at Jeongin with the other.

Wait… who’s the girl? You’ll have to get back to that.

“You’re her boyfriend, call her ‘baby’ or ‘boo-boo’ or something,” he adds, exaggerating his pout. “I claimed ‘sugarplum’ years ago!”

You roll your eyes. Technically, your mother claimed it first, but you know she’ll let Jisung go.

“Please don’t call me ‘boo-boo’,” you say, blankly staring up at Jeongin. Instead of responding, he reaches a hand up to pinch your cheek.

“Aww, is someone blushing?” he coos.

You push his hand away with a whine, earning a giggle from him and both of your moms. “Not you, too!” 

The girl next to Jisung leans over to him and whispers something in his ear. You aren’t sure what, but the boy responds to her with an “I told youuu,” a whimsical ring to his voice.

Jeongin glances at the girl, then at you, his face twisted in bewilderment. All you can respond with is a shrug.

“Ah,” Jisung pipes up, sensing your confusion, and he gestures to the brunette next to him. “This is Lia.”

She gives you all a small wave, quickly looking down and smoothing her maroon sweater with one hand. You all exchange greetings back, and Jisung continues, a sheepish smile on his face.

“We met during college, and, uh, I ran into her at the cafe just now.” The older boy scratches at the back of his neck, and a rosy glow rises to his cheeks. “She told me she just moved here, actually, and I figured I’d show her around… make her feel at home, you know?”

A warm smile paints your lips. You think of when you first moved here, how the community welcomed you and your family with open arms. Even if your grumpy nine-year-old self didn’t appreciate it, your twenty-five-year-old self couldn’t be more grateful. “You’re gonna love it here,” you say to Lia.

Lia smiles back, and she seems to relax at your words. “Thank you.”

“Oh, aaaand,” Jisung cuts in again after a moment. He tenderly takes Lia’s hand in his, sending her a bubbly, heart-eyed grin as he swings their hands between them.

“Do you really have to open with this?” Lia says softly.

“Yes, I do!” Jisung squeaks, his voice jumping higher than normal. “They’ll get it, trust me!”

He glances hopefully at you and Jeongin, his eyes wide and bright. The two of you exchange confused looks with each other. What could he be talking about?

A second later, it clicks. Why else would Jisung be hopping up and down so eagerly, about ready to jump out of his hoodie any minute now?

“Don’t tell me you met during—” you begin.

“During the first snow!” Jisung finishes your sentence in a singsong. He tapers off with a dreamy sigh, and his eyes seem to sparkle more when they land back on an embarrassed Lia.

“He just means the second time around,” she clarifies with an awkward cough. “The first time was during spring.”

Your first instinct is to roll your eyes at your friend’s ongoing infatuation with the snow, but a fond chuckle takes its place. You had stayed up many nights talking with Jisung when you lived with him, the two of you sprawled out like starfish on your kitchen floor as you shared thoughts about the future, the simultaneous excitement and uncertainty of it all. If there was one thing Jisung was firm on, it was his hope that he’d meet The One during the first snow of winter, that the twinkling little snowflakes would be his guiding star to his person.

“Love at first snow,” was what he called it, “…you know, like you and Jeongin.” As much as you found the phrase irritating at the time, you never bothered to correct him.

But of course, it’s one thing to have hopeless romantic fantasies, and another to have them come to life. It’s kind of endearing, maybe heartwarming in a weird little-sister-figure way, to observe Jisung’s increasingly lovestruck daze as he relives the recent memory—you can practically see the hearts dancing around his head. But that’s not the point right now.

So this is the girl Jisung always texted you about during college.

You recall countless conversations about how pretty and smart and sweet she was, and even more of him blowing up your phone at three in the morning for date ideas (“the more aesthetic, the better! :D”). Even though he successfully asked her out, he still never let it go that they never saw the first snow together before they broke up.

Despite her embarrassment, Lia seems to mirror Jisung’s loved-up smile. From what he told you, they parted ways on good terms—something about both of them graduating soon and having different mindsets, he said, but they both agreed to stay friends. But something tells you that, even after all this time, they’re still on the same page about the first snow… and maybe some other matters, too.

You can see it in their eyes: the feverish look that makes their irises shimmer as they gaze at each other, the almost-overwhelming amount of affection that swims in their pupils and makes the corners of their lips twist up. You recognize it all too well—it’s the exact same way you used to look at Jeongin. Every once in a while, you still catch yourself doing it.

It’s nothing but fate, at this point, when you notice faint white pellets of snow are still hitting the window in your peripheral. An overjoyed smile of your own quickly overtakes your features, and when you look up at Jeongin, it seems like he’s thinking the same thing as you.

With an infectious giggle, Jeongin grabs your hand, but you sharply turn to Jisung and Lia before he can pull you away. Your boyfriend's small whines fall on deaf ears, and he childishly tugs at your hand as you try to get the lovebirds’ attention.

“Hey, do you wanna go see the magic snow or not?” you call out, half-teasingly and half-genuinely.

In a snap, Jisung’s lovesick daze flips into a triumphant smile as he turns to you. “So you admit it’s magic?!”

You roll your eyes, giving Jeongin’s hand a quick squeeze to calm his impatience. “I needed to get your attention somehow,” you say, “but just this once, I’ll admit it.” 

The way your friend seems to light up like a Christmas tree is enough to make you give in. You do owe him for his stunt last year, after all—you’re more than happy to let him have this one.

“Now, do you want to go see the snow or not?” you ask after another moment, a small smile etched on your lips.

“Of course I want to see the snow!” Jisung chirps.

As he looks to Lia for her response, his puppy-love daze making a return, you allow yourself to take in your surroundings. The warmth teeming around you from the Christmas party is one that never gets old, no matter how many times you come, and no matter how long you’re gone. It brings a wave of peace to your heart, even as a couple of screaming children run a lap around you and your friends.

Your chipper boyfriend begins to pull you to the front door with him, making you lose your step for a second, and you find yourself meeting Yeonjun’s eyes from across the house one more time. Before you lose sight of him, you nod to the window several feet away from him, sending him a wink to him before you turn around. Even if you weren’t meant to be his love at first snow, the least you can do is make sure he got his.

By the time you look away, Jeongin has already pulled you both to the front door, Jisung and Lia already dressed and waiting for you two. Hastily, he throws on his coat before he scrambles through the pile of shoes by the doormat to find his own pair.

You’re about to do the same, then you realize…

“Right, I forgot my—”

“Your jacket?” Jisung calls out. Without another word, he digs into his backpack and tosses you the coat you left behind at his apartment earlier. You slip it on with a relieved smile, mouthing a ‘thank you’ before getting your shoes on and swinging the door open for all four of you.

Soft, puffy snowflakes dot the ground around you as you begin your stroll down the sidewalk. You hear Jisung and Lia’s musings behind you, but they fade into a quiet buzz as all the memories from your childhood flash before your eyes. The houses you pass by are ones you used to see everyday on the way home from school, and the sidewalks are ones you used to run around on during the weekends. You never would’ve thought you’d be back now, reliving it all with the people you love most.

It gets even better, though, when Jeongin nudges your shoulder, and points to a grassy area coming up ahead. You follow his finger and gasp, immediately recognizing the spot.

Reaching for his hand, you break into a sprint and pull the boy with you to the neighborhood park, the two of you almost tripping due to the slippery snow. The park is almost the exact same as it was when you first moved. Some parts had been upgraded over time, whereas others still seemed heavily used and loved by the younger children around the neighborhood.

Your eyes glaze around the small park and you could almost see a vision of nine-year-old you, standing near your mother as she pushes you to speak to the other children—to make some new friends. You could practically see nine-year-old Jeongin hanging upside-down from the monkey bars, adorned in that now less-obnoxious purple sweater. 

You wonder what nine-year-old you would think if she saw where you are now, with Jeongin’s hand wrapped tightly around your own. You wonder what she’d have to say about the way your cheeks tickled pink, not only from the cold, but also from the way Jeongin’s gaze lingered on you for a moment too long, and the way his lips tugged into a soft smile whenever you looked back at him.

Tugging lightly on Jeongin’s hand, you lead the both of you over towards the monkey bars, his whines falling on deaf ears as you drop his hand from your grasp to climb up the metal bars. Once you’re sat down in the most comfortable position you can, the cold metal sending shivers down your spine, you beckon Jeongin to join you. 

“Sit with me.” You smile down at him, one hand keeping you steady as the other makes grabby hands in Jeongin’s direction. 

Jeongin huffs. “But it’s so cold.” 

However, his words fall short when he still begrudgingly makes the small climb up. He lets his legs dangle through the holes, his knees knocking against your own lightly. 

A gust of cold air causes you to shiver and as a response, you pull your coat closer to you. This seems to make Jeongin chuckle fondly, and you feel his eyes linger on you for a second before he looks out at the horizon. The falling snowflakes glisten under the remnants of the sunlight, and the holiday lights emit a breathtaking glow. You’re both still not tall enough to see much above the houses in front of you, but that’s okay—you know what lies beyond it.

“You know, I never thought we’d be back here,” you mumble. A giggle escapes you as you watch the stars slowly make their appearance above you.

Jeongin has a giggle of his own as something on the monkey bars catches his eye. “I can’t believe it’s still here,” he continues to laugh, causing you to redirect your gaze. 

“What do you mean?” 

He runs his fingers lightly over the faded black ink scrawled across the top of the monkey bars. 

Y/N and Jeongin, 2010.

“No way,” you gasp, trying your best to lean over to see it better without falling. “I thought they replaced the park equipment years ago.” 

Looking up at you, Jeongin smiles. “Obviously not all of it.” 

He fishes around in his pocket for a second and before you can question anything, he pulls out a black marker pen and unclips the lid. 

“What are you–” 

Your sentence goes unfinished, however, when he leans over and adds a small section under his own nine-year-old handwriting. 

And forevermore.

Your heartstrings are played like a violin as you watch Jeongin cap the pen back up, a pleased smile etched on his lips. When he finally comes back to reality, noticing your gaze, he shrugs. 

“What?” he says. “Had to add it and make it official.” 

“We’ve been official for a year, I don’t think the monkey bars would mind.” 

Jeongin rolls his eyes, a chuckle escaping him. “What if some kids read it? Surely, they’ll love to know the story has a happy ending?” 

If you weren’t afraid of falling, you would have jumped on him, showering his face in the most kisses possible. However, for both his and your safety, you opt for words instead.

“I love you,” you breathe, beaming at him. You’ve never said anything more true in your life. 

His smile mirrors your own. “I love you too.” 

You look back at the sky as Jeongin shoves his pen and hands back in his pockets, the dopey grin on your face growing wider, if that was even possible. Another giggle escapes you when you feel a drop of snow hit your nose. This is everything to you—it’s ultimate happiness.

But there’s one thing missing.

“I can’t believe I forgot,” you say, your gaze falling back down. 

Raising an eyebrow, he looks at you in curiosity. “Yeah?” he responds, and you stare back with a cheeky smile.

“Stay for Christmas?”

Jeongin shakes his head, but his giggles still fill your ears, sending your heart into shockwaves of emotions, like the ripples after a stone hitting the water. The tips of his ears as well as his cheeks glow pink under the streetlight that has just flicked on. You can’t tell if it’s from the cold or from you, but you wish for it to be the latter. 

“You know you don’t have to say that anymore, right?” Jeongin asks, gazing at you with a look that makes it hard to catch a breath. 

“I know,” you exhale, “but it’s basically tradition now, it’s a must.���

“Well, tradition or not…” Jeongin begins. He slips his hand from out of his pocket to grab and entwine your fingers with his own. His heat seeps into you as he runs his thumb over the back of your hand. “…I’m here to stay.” 

He uses his other hand to tap lightly on the recently-added handwriting, his words echoing around in your ears. “Forevermore.” 

Your eyes are all soft and sparkly as you smile at him, giving his hand a squeeze before letting the air around you fall silent. A contented sigh escapes your parted lips, forming a faint puff in the cold air as you watch the fluffy, white crystals above you flutter down.

Jeongin started off as a mere stranger, nothing but the awkward boy in an ugly sweater. Sixteen years later, he’s sitting with you atop the same monkey bars upon which you two met as so much more. He’s your best friend, your childhood playmate, your built-in Mario Kart partner. He’s your teenage crush, your love at first snow, your stay for Christmas—and all that only you two know it entails.

Perhaps, most important of all, Jeongin is home. And as long as you have Jeongin, you’ll always know your way back.

[jasminesilk]

Sorry if this is weird to ask but I'm going through your Sanrio legacy and am planning on picking up Lovestruck and I couldn't help but wonder. Is it okay for the gen 2 heir/ess to have the romantically reserved trait instead of unflirty? Since the story is they want to have a happy relationship but don't want to rush into it, I thought the new trait might fit better than unflirty (no offense meant, the pack wasn't out yet when the challenge was posted.) Anyway, thank you for answering

I think this is a wonderful idea tbh! If the pack had been out when I originally wrote the challenge I probably would have picked Romantically Reserved over Unflirty for the My Melody gen because you're so right, it does fit the story prompt better. Thank you for sending me this ask and I hope you have fun with it!

[aerodaltonimperial]

the hookhausen story primer

Hey wrestling, I heard you like primers...

Are you a fan of delicious flavor, slow burn, and enemies to lovers, but you are overwhelmed by a list of links and kind of just want things explained to you in one spot so you can understand a story?? I gotchu, boo, let's talk about Hookhausen, since the fandom be WAKING UP AGAIN as we approach the eve of potential new content. I've put links to videos and such in here if you would like them but you don't have to click on them if you don't want and you will still get the whole story. Please consider this your one-stop shop! It's such a fun story and I hope more people can find it as compelling and wonderful as we do!! Additionally, for anyone new to wrestling, I've included explanations for lingo and such, so it is easier to read. (This is also for my mutuals who keep seeing me post shit and are like ‘please what is this why are these people half-naked and why are you so feral please explain this’ OKAY I AM TRYING.)

To start with, let’s meet our cast of characters! First, we have Danhausen.

Danhausen is originally an indie wrestler who went through a few gimmicks before settling on the one he’s got now, which is a slightly goofy, awkward demon who may or may not be from another world and curses people when they do something he doesn’t like and/or to win matches. He likes money. He doesn’t like people swearing. Sometimes he goes evil and pours teeth in people’s mouths. He may or may not also be one of the most powerful wrestlers on AEW’s roster in terms of cult following, merchandise sales, and using his social media almost entirely in kayfabe (in-character). This is important; a lot of his character development happens on SM.

Next, we have Hook.

Hook is a legacy, nepotism baby whose father, Taz, is a famous wrestler from the 90s/00s. Taz remains on AEW’s roster as a commentator who also, for awhile, had his own stable (team) called Team Taz. Hook started helping out with Team Taz during the pandemic, and after becoming sort of a staple behind the scenes, debuted in late 2021 on his own. He is a murder kitten who usually refuses to talk, be nice, or generally just do what people want him to. He can normally be found eating chips, wearing a hooded sweatshirt, and sulking. His signature move is his father’s old submission technique that he’s renamed Redrum. Currently, Hook has never lost a match. He is very, very, very pretty. It probably should be illegal.

You might think all of this Hookhausen stuff starts when the story begins in AEW canon (split between their shows: Dynamite and Rampage), but actually, it starts well before this point. I KNOW, it’s insanity. So in late 2021, Hook debuts in AEW after hanging around for a year or so with his dad. This is a big deal for him! And at the same time, Danhausen was benched with a massively broken leg from a match in October. Danhausen tweets several times about how cool Hook is. It’s enough to be noticeable, mostly because at this point, Danhausen is not signed with AEW. He continues to do this through January. In fact, he doesn’t officially appear in AEW until January 26, 2022, when he shows up on the show and they announce his signing on social media. The very next day, Danhausen uploads a photo of him and Hook together to his Instagram, captioned, “Send Hookhausen.”

But nothing much happens with this strange hint until February 24, when Danhausen finds Hook backstage and gives him chips, filming it for his vloghausen. But things go sour, for some reason, when, on March 25, 2022, Danhausen attempts to curse Hook on Rampage. Hook had just thrown a dude through the certificate of accomplishment that his former mentor, QT Marshall, attempted to give him. Nobody likes QT, so we don’t really care. However, Danhausen cared for some reason, and came out to curse Hook. It failed! Hook walked away without anything happening, and Danhausen expressed dismay and alarm that it hadn’t worked. Danhausen then began tweeting about how Hook had become “too powerful.”

Danhausen spends a few weeks trying to curse Hook on television. He tries during an interview, after popping out of a trash can, and then, after a tense altercation between Hook and another wrestler, Tony Nese (with Mark Sterling, his lawyer), in a gym. His last attempt is during one of Hook’s actual matches, when Danhausen emerges ringside and tries one last time to curse Hook. Naturally, it continues to fail. During this match, Tony Nese and Mark Sterling are also ringside, taking notes and talking together about Hook. Danhausen is so frustrated by his lack of success that he goes into the ring after Hook wins and challenges him directly. If Hook won’t be cursed, well then dagnabbit, he will fight Danhausen.

Hook sort of ignores this, because he’s Hook, and he doesn’t really care. This means Danhausen has to resort to the most EXTREME of measures: taking a bag of Hook’s potato chips and DESTROYING THEM ALL BACKSTAGE. Finally, a reaction! Hook slams Danhausen into the wall and says, “You wanted my attention? You got it now.” The feud officially begins.

Danhausen calls Hook out the next week to settle things. It’s not an official match, but it’s definitely going to be a fight when Hook comes out with his hands taped and his murder face on. The two are about to get into things when Mark Sterling comes out and asks the crowd if they really want to see the two of them fight. Of course, the crowd says yes. Danhausen and Hook are beloved crowd favorites. But then, Tony Nese attacks them both, because he’s angry that Hook keeps getting so much attention just for being a legacy brat. Hook drives them both off with some well-timed suplexes, and the crowd picks up the chant of “Hookhausen.” Danhausen decides this incident has united them, and offers his hand for a handshake. Hook just grabs him, yells in his face, and stalks out of the ring.

But after that, Tony Nese challenges Danhausen to a match, which is weird anyway, since Hook was the one who beat him when he launched his little ambush on them. Hook has another match, and at the end, Danhausen comes out to ask him to “be in Danhausen’s corner” during the match with Tony Nese. This match takes place on Hook’s birthday, May 4. Hook is still not budging an inch on this partnership thing, and shoves Danhausen after Danhausen touches him. But then Danhausen pulls out a little bag of potato chips with a bow on top and drops it into the ring before slinking out, leaving Hook to stare down at the birthday present. His face goes through some actual emotions. The crowd goes wild when he reaches down to pick up the bag…and then boos after he drops it again. Hook leaves it in the ring, offering nothing.

Danhausen’s match with Tony Nese happens on May 11, 2022. It’s his AEW debut! He loses in a shocking 32-seconds after Tony smacks him with his knee and knocks him loopy. Afterwards, Nese remains in the ring to celebrate and Mark Sterling taunts the crowd about how great Nese is. Nese attacks Danhausen again, after the bell has rung. He’s actually about to do it a third time when Hook’s music starts. He comes out with murder face on, gets in the ring, and drives Nese and Sterling back up to the tunnels. Danhausen, after struggling to his feet, offers his hand again. This time, Hook shakes it. Partnership time!

After this handshake happens, Hookhausen has a bit on the after-show (which is only for people watching in the audience). Hook comes out to fight CM Punk, who ends up skipping out of the ring and starting back up the ramp to avoid him. Danhausen emerges and drives Punk back into the ring, where he gets down on his knees to plead with Hook not to murder him. Hook shakes his hand…and then chokes him out. Danhausen is happy. Hookhausen leaves Punk in the ring and exit together. (After-shows aren’t “canon,” but it’s sure as hell fun to watch.)

Hookhausen challenges Nese and Sterling to a tag match, which gets scheduled as the buy-in for AEW’s big PPV show in Las Vegas. They even get a training montage video leading up to the show, and a ride with RJ City on “The Road to Double or Nothing.” The tag match sees them victorious, after Danhausen gets a little thrown around and Hook suplexes them into oblivion. Hook tags Danhausen back in for the pin, because love is real. Then they hold their hands up as winners. This is important, because Hook never lets the ref hold his hand up after matches, and it’s the first time anyone ever has.

Afterwards, Hookhausen give an interview where Danhausen says they will eat chips to celebrate after taking their winnings, and Hook looks at Danhausen like he hung the moon, offering one of his only canon smiles.

They also buy “PT Cruisers” for an interview spot and drive them around the parking lot. They appear to be the best of friends now! Doing silly shit together! But then…

Hook gets challenged in June. He’s offering another not-interview when Danhausen shows up and talks about how they will “eviscerate” enemies together. Hook puts his hand out on Danhausen’s chest and says, “I got this,” and walks off. This, unfortunately, is the last official canon on-screen appearance they will have together in 2022. It’s very strange. And quite heart-breaking. AEW continues to milk the Hookhausen train, though, by throwing a graphic of them together in a canoe on the “Quake in the Lake” promotional poster. The graphic designer had a great day with that one.

After they separate, Danhausen challenges Hook's fellow Team Taz member Ricky Starks for the FTW Champion Belt he holds. He loses, but right after he does, Ricky opens up a general challenge for anyone who wants it. Hook comes out, much to Ricky’s chagrin, and wins. He's the current FTW Belt holder now. (The belt, originally, was introduced by his dad Taz!) Following this, Team Taz officially disbands, which means he also doesn't have a stable. During all of this, Danhausen has been orbiting around a stable called the Best Friends. He's never officially become one of them, but he goes out with them during matches and is an assumed staple with them.

In the fall, Danhausen begins a series of in-canon and social media work in which he gets hit multiple times in the head; eventually, this triggers a different version of himself that fandom refers to usually as "Evilhausen." Evilhausen comes out in November during a 5-man tag match with the Best Friends and Rocky Romero versus the Factory.

We then never see Evilhausen again, but the strange tweets and lyric drops continue on social media. This likely will still be important. Danhausen does a ton of character work on social media. It is also worth noting that in late October, Danhausen abruptly stops talking about Hook and Hookhausen altogether, everywhere. There are months of silence.

In December, Hook begins a somewhat confusing partnership with another wrestler called "Jungle Boy" Jack Perry. The entire storyline they have closely parallels a lot of the original Hookhausen story, complete with a handshake. During this, Danhausen begins mentioning Hook and Hookhausen again in various non-canon sources. The tag team, coined as JungleHook, culminates supposedly in a "one night only" match against a stable known as the Firm. JungleHook wins. However, the Firm is still targeting Jungle Boy for some reason. They challenge Jungle Boy to a one-on-one after the tag match.

A few hours before the match, Danhausen finally tweets about the entire situation…like a jealous ex.

And during the match, Hook comes out when Jungle Boy is nearly done for, surprising the Firm enough that Jungle Boy is able to win. They are then challenged to another tag match, which they accept. Danhausen begins posting angry break up songs on social media.

And that's where we are at present!! For a full video masterlist, including all the fun bits that they’ve done in Danhausen’s vlogs, please see the video primer! We would love to have new people equally pumped about seeing their FAR TOO SHORT STORY finally continue, because they sure as hell ain’t done with each other. (We have a 9 page document to prove it.)

[glorbysblog]

since I just started this blog mid-marathon of The 3rd Doctor, I thought I should catch up on the previous two for posterity so here are my five favorite 1st Doctor stories (2nd Doctor top five in a later post):

My Top 5 Favorite 1st Doctor Stories

1. The Daleks’ Master Plan - This is a missing story for which there is only a reconstruction available for at this time. Despite not having the benefit of having moving pictures, this is by far the best Dalek story of the era and is extremely effective at making the situation before The Doctor as seeming hopeless. Without spoiling the ending, the final episode is where I truly began to see the person The Doctor would soon become and the impossible situations they have to shrug off and saunter elsewhere.

2. The Tenth Planet - This one is missing the final episode which is unfortunately the final episode William Hartnell acted in, but in many versions, a surviving reconstruction or animated version of the regeneration is put in. This episode really does feel serious and climactic especially with the legacy attached to it for introducing The Doctor’s second most formidable enemy and introducing regeneration.

3. The War Machines - As far as companions go, The 1st Doctor has a bit of a rocky relationship with most of them except for Vicki, but when Ben & Polly are introduced, they are thrown against a Doctor who has been through a very complete character arc where most of their hostility is replaced with righteousness and the hope to do good wherever they land. This story very effectively sets up this new pair in contrast to The Doctor for being the most modern set of companions up to that point.

4. Planet of The Giants - This is Doctor Who’s first attempt at a pure comedy episode and due to the performances, the cozy family vibe that the original set of companions have, as well as the funny concept, this story ends up being one of the most fun of the whole black-and-white era.

5. The Time Meddlers - I had to include at least one Vicki story since she is my favorite companion of this era, and this is a good one since it not only shows off the first adventure with new companion Steven, but also introduced another Time Lord (though they don’t have that name yet) and another TARDIS.

Okay, this was a bit different from my first jokey post, but in order to look to the future, you must look back. I will post a similar ranking of my top five for The 2nd Doctor … when I figure out what my top five for them might be.

[storyofmychoices]

Okay... with only one chapter in, I'm already having a lot of thoughts and feelings about Blades 2. I'm hesitant to add any of my Blades 2 posts to either my Mal x Daenarya (Blades 1 + Extended Universe) Masterlist or Mal's Orphanage Masterlist because it doesn't seem like things will work out timeline wise. So for now I'm dumping EVERYTHING Blades 2 related here. As we get more info from the book, I'll try to organize things better in relation to my other Masterlists [My Timelines + Universes explained]

In my original timeline, all fics that take place during Book 1 ("Beyond Riverbend" to "A Rose by Any Other Name") exist in this AU as well.

🖤 Shadows of Hope: She was there, and then she was gone. Mal would move heaven and earth to bring her back, but what happens when he can't? [Blades 2, Chapter 1] Mal's 5 stages of grief

🖤 Her Legacy: She may be gone, but she could never be forgotten. She lives on in the stories he tells and the hope he inspires. [Blades 2, Chapter 2] HC for why Mal is smiling

🖤 A Quest for Daenarya: After hearing her stories, Thalassa, Ovisa, and Lysander decide it is their quest to bring Daenarya back to Mal, they just never imagined it would be so easy. [Blades 2, Chapter 3] Reimagining Mal's reunion with Daenarya

🖤 The Promise of Today: Mal and Daenarya share a moment together the morning after her return. [This follows The Quest for Daenarya] [Blades 2, Chapter 3]

🖤 Torn: Daenarya is back and trying to process what happened. [Blades 2, Chapter 4/5ish]

🖤 Sculpting Desires: Daenarya considers a possible future as a sculptor with a very willing model. [Blades 2, Chapter 5] Also featuring Tyril x Maiele and Mal x Tyril

🖤 The Rogue's Embrace + Art 🎨 (Mal x Tyril): Mal loves talking. Tyril is tired of listening and has found a good way to shut him up, even if just for a moment. [Blades 2, Chapter 7ish]

🖤 The Princess of Parnassus and The Trophy Husband + Art 🎨: Daenarya and Mal enjoy a much needed relaxing afternoon while contemplating what comes next. [Blades 2, several months post book]

Book 2 Prequel: The Adventures of a Young Mal Volari

🖤 Mal the Magnificent: Young Mal Volari gets a bucket stuck on his head.

Book 2 Inspired Stories written before its release so I don't know how they fit into the timeline right now

🖤 Old Hair, New Look: Daenarya has a few thoughts about Mal’s new armor

🖤 The Cutest Goof: Daenarya has some thoughts on Mal’s new armor.

🖤 Go On, Feel It: Mal makes an offer Daenarya can't refuse.

Daenarya is pregnant and was in book one

Iliana Maria Volari: Mal and Daenarya's realm walker daughter

A year without her: Mal + the five stages of grief

Mal seeing Daenarya for the first time

Saving Rayden and Lydo in this AU /The Orphanage

"Mine" + love bites

Mal's hair: the lice conundrum

Daenarya's flirting (chapter 2)

Mal smiling (chapter 2)

Imtura, the pirate queen, deserves a mermaid queen

Mal would use the linked minds magic in Chapter 5 to make Tyril and Nia blush

Mal : new armor, old hair [Edit]

Party Together Edit with Mal's old hair [Edit]

Mal + Daenarya Orphanage CG Edit [Edit]

Daenarya enjoying Mal's new armor I [Art]

Daenarya enjoying Mal's new armor II [Art]

Mal x Daenarya x Nia art [Art]

Mal x Daenarya fae/goblin forest [Edit]

Mal x Daenarya neck kisses [Art]

Mal x Daenarya head kiss [Art]

Mal x Daenarya flower crowns [Art]

Mal x Tyril Kiss [Art]

Group CG from promo video

Blades 2 Recap of Book 1 video

Blades 2 Promo Video [Mobile Video]

Mentions of our orphanage in the dream state

It's been a year?!?!

Shadow Threep + Loola cuteness

Deadwood vs Whimseywood Maps

Chapter Two: Threep wanting Daenarya to bring him souvenirs aka snacks

Chapter Two: Mal's Cameo

Chapter Four: the best of Mal teasing Tyril

Chapter Four: Mal wanting Daeny

Chapter Five: Daenarya's "Insight" Inspiration Speech

Chapter Five: Mal + Tyril moment

Chapter Five: Handsome Sculpture

Chapter Five: Mal x Daeny play with magic wolves

Chapter Five: Kiss all the mermaids

Chapter Six: the gang reacts to Daenarya's new outfit

Chapter Six: Daenarya's reaction to the shadow court

Chapter Seven: "not living" moment rewrite

Chapter Seven: Mal x Daenarya moment alone

Chapter Eight: Mal reminisces about mazes as a kid + Lydo and Rayden adoption idea

Chapter Eight: Mal doesn't beg

Chapter Eight: Mal x Tyril (aka boyfriends)

Chapter One Reaction

The Missing Year for other LIs

How does Daenarya feel about using magic as a human

MC's new dress inspiration/fashion

Choices Irony

Realm Time Difference Question

Blades 2 Insider Blog

[Mal Volari x Daenarya:Masterlist : Book One + Beyond]  [Mal’s Orphanage (the original /precanon orphanage)]

[slytherinsweety]

Originally posted on my main blog @epicsweetness712

The image above is AI generated, and I do not take credit for it

New Fic idea. I have written a fic in years and of course it would Hogwarts Legacy that get me back into it.

Summary: Two weeks after 5th year ended, Eleanor (Ella) Locksley has found herself running her shop in Hogsmeade for the summer. At what she thought would be a summer to heal from the events of 5th year, she's found that the secrets she's uncovered from the year are about to come out into the open and some secrets are going to lead to unlocking a mystery surrounding Anne's curse. Will Sebastian and Ella find a way to cure Anne, or will they be stopped? ** You can read on Ao3 or below.

It’s been two weeks since the end of her first year at Hogwarts and looking back on it, she couldn’t believe how much had happened. She remembered Sebastian telling her on her first day on the way to Hogsmeade that he had hoped the rest of her year would be uneventful. Ella scoffed at the idea of that now, but from the correspondence she’s had with Sebastian. He assured her that the year they had experienced was far from the norm. After everything that happened in the Catacomb and with her battles with Ranrok and Rookwood, she still couldn’t quite believe she made it through. From learning spells for the first time to wielding magic that no one had seen in centuries. It was quite a harrowing and unbelievable adventure.

Luckily, she still had Sebastian and he still had her. After the events of the Catacomb, she and Ominis had to decide whether to turn Sebastian in. She had known what decision she would make. It would have been utterly hypocritical of her to condemn him to Azkaban when she herself had taken the lives of many, all in the name of saving the wizarding world or the beasts that inhabited it. To turn him in, she would have to turn herself in as well. Ominis didn’t know this. He had no idea of what she had experienced or dealt with.

Sebastian did though.

After convincing him and Anne to not turn Sebastian in, for it would only lead to further hurting everyone involved, nothing was ever the same. Ominis avoided him, but not before letting Sebastian know that he would take care of Anne and that Anne did not wish to speak with him anytime soon. This both comforted and destroyed Sebastian in equal measure. And as far as Ella knew, that was the last correspondence he had with Ominis other than the pleasantries in the hall or dorm throughout the remainder of the year.

 Every day since the school year ended, she would wake to a very persistent brown owl tapping its beak to the store window with a letter from Sebastian…that was until today. This morning she did not wake to the sound of an owl at her door. They talked daily about anything and everything. About how Sebastian missed Anne but promised her that he was doing okay. That he also could not bear to be at Solomon’s residence over the summer, with his grave just outside the home. So, Sebastian went back to his parent’s home in Aranshire. As difficult as it was, it was better than having to face what he did to Solomon each day. This made it all the more troubling to not have received a letter from him. She hoped that perhaps he had just gotten busy with sorting the home after it spent so many years uninhabited.

With Sebastian in Aranshire, this also meant that he was not too far from her. She was currently staying in Hogsmeade in the backroom of her shop as there was no one to take her in. That and she just refused to go with anyone…she was supposed to stay with Fig.

After the events that took place in the Catacomb, Ella found herself taking part in the final battle for the repository. Everything had happened so fast. She didn’t have to time process all what had happened in the catacomb before being thrusted into another fight. Sebastian had felt utterly helpless. He had missed all of it trying to cope with what he did, and he couldn’t find her in time to help her.

She tried to reassure him that it wasn’t his battle to fight, that she had still succeeded in the end and had won. He had still felt guilty as she had always been there for him, but he wasn’t there when she needed help the most. That she had to face Ranrok and Rookwood each…alone. He didn’t leave her side for weeks afterwards. Sat with her during Fig’s memorial, letting her squeeze his hand tightly as Black was giving his speech. If it wasn’t for Professor Weasley stepping in, she might have broken Sebastian’s hand trying to keep herself calm.

They did everything together. He was always there waiting at the bottom of the steps to the girl’s dormitory for breakfast before walking her to their first class and splitting up afterwards. Only for him to meet her outside of her second class, that she didn’t share with him to walk together to the Great Hall for dinner. They had spent hours studying together in the library for their OWL’s and after one afternoon of him nearly deciding to duel Leander into silence, she showed him the Room of Requirement. From then on, Sebastian did not want to be anywhere else.

 ‘Why deal with anyone else’s presence in the library when literally have a library of our own?’

She thought perhaps it had more to do with him avoiding Ominis equally as he was avoiding Sebastian than it did having to suffer Leander’s incessant tapping of his quill. It didn’t help that very afternoon that as soon as Sebastian had gotten up to retrieve a book from a shelf, Leander had simply sat himself in Sebastian’s chair next to her to offer another go at Summoner’s Court. Ella had barely opened her mouth, when a book had forcefully slammed on the table connected to an arm of an annoyed Sebastian.

 ‘Bugger off Prewett, you’re in my spot’.

Leander scrambled out of the seat and looked at Sebastian who was glaring at him from across the desk.

“Oh, well I thought it was vacant and she wouldn’t mind taking a break to play good ole fashion game of-“

Sebastian cut him off with a scoff.

“It wasn’t vacant, and you know that. As you can see, we are in the middle of studying for the OWL’s. So, she doesn’t have time to play your little game….shoo.” Sebastian waved Leander off, however Leander did not seem to take the hint and Sebastian was well on his way to being past the point of annoyed.

“Well, I thought perhaps she would appreciate some variety. She hardly has anytime to visit her other friends, what with you constantly following her around.”

Ella couldn’t believe his gall. But before she could say anything, Sebastian had beat her to it again. He had stalked around the desk to get in front of Leander.

“Who are YOU to presume what she would appreciate? I’m not keeping her from anyone and if we are around each other, it’s because we’re friends and we like to be around each other.”

“Gentlemen! You are going to get us kicked out of the library. Leander, thank you for the invite, but I will have to decline. As Sebastian said, we are currently occupied.”

Ella had grabbed Sebastian to stop him from continuing forward to Leander. She could see Madam Scribner by her desk with her scrupulous eyes locked on them, as well as the eyes of curious students waiting for fresh gossip. Sebastian did not need to get into any further trouble and Ella was already uncomfortable with the amount of attention she was receiving after being deemed the ‘Hero of Hogwarts’.

“I see that you are busy Eleanor and I apologize for the disruption. Let me know when you would be available for Summoner’s Court or… if you would like to try a different partner for studying.”

Leander had walked off before she could answer him, not that the answer would have been much in his favor. The smirk Sebastian had when she had replied to Leander had quickly faded with Leander’s parting words. He scoffed as he sat down in his chair next to her.

“Slimy git. Who does he think he is? He sat down the moment I left and pretended he didn’t already know I was sitting here.”

“Why are you letting him get to you?” she sighed as she knew he wouldn’t answer her. Ella still had a hard time grasping the apparent animosity between the two houses as she herself was friends with a few Gryffindor’s.

“Well, I think we scared him off for the time being at least.” She replied.

“That we did because we ARE ‘currently occupied’… He’s still a slimy git though. I wish there was a spot we could study in peace without interruptions and… irritating lions.”

Ella rolled her eyes and looked around, there were still eyes on them. She thought for a moment, biting her lip at the idea she had. Sebastian narrowed his eyes at her as he caught her expression.

 “I know that look. What is going on in that pretty little head of yours?... hmm” He leaned towards her, bumping his shoulder with hers.

“Well… what if there was a spot we could study in peace without interruptions?”

And with that, she took him all the way to the seventh floor of the Astronomy Tower in front of the Barabas the Barmy Tapestry. Sebastian quickly lost his skepticism as a door appeared in front of Ella. If she could bottle the look of wonder he had, she would and she knew in that moment she was making the right choice in showing him the Room of Requirement. Both had been through so much, and they both needed a place of peace and quiet. With Sebastian barring himself from the Undercroft in the event he would run into Ominis, he was suddenly without a place to get away.

For the rest of the semester, they spent time in the Room and Sebastian became utterly transfixed with the Vivariums. Especially the vivarium that housed her Pheonix. With Deek’s permission and understanding, he had no issue with letting Sebastian use the Room without Professor Weasley explicit permission. Not after hearing the whispers around the castle of the death of Sebastian’s uncle.

The beasts in the vivariums grew to adore Sebastian as he helped her groom and feed them. When the year came to an end, Deek assured both her and Sebastian the inhabitants of the vivariums would be well taken care of over the summer months and would be there waiting for them when school started in the fall.

Ella continued to muse about her freckled companion as she busied herself in her shop in the late afternoon. She walked behind the counter with an item she had procured from her various treasure hunts of the Cairns Dungeons around the Highlands. For this item, she was having a difficult time deciding where to place it in the shop to be sold. She climbed up the rickety old step ladder that came with the shop, to place it on a higher shelf when she heard the bell to the door chime, signaling a customer.

“I will be right with you in just a moment…just as soon as I place this...”

She stretched as far as she could and came to the unfortunate realization, she was not someone who would be considered tall or even average height. So, her petite stature did not allow for much room to reach the highest shelf even though she was on the highest step. She did not hear the footsteps behind her as she huffed trying to reach out further. This unfortunately led to the ladder to start wobbling beneath her feet. Eyes widening, she tried to grasp onto anything she could but came up empty as her hand met the wall. Ella closed her eyes bracing herself for the fall as she started to careen backwards.  

She never reached the ground though as arms caught her by the waist and she was suddenly held in their arms. With her eyes closed, she could smell clover and leather with a hint of smoke. A smell she was familiar with. Ella opened her eyes to find warm brown ones looking back at her with their usual mischievous gleam.

“Sebastian! What are you doing here?”

Leaning forward to wrap her arms around his neck to give him a hug, she could feel him squeeze her tight to him.

“I was getting quite bored and had a sudden thought. Why wait for a letter, when I can just pop in a visit to my favorite girl to see how she was fairing without me. Lo and behold, here she is quite literally falling into my arms because she missed me so much. I knew I should have come by sooner.”

She rolled her eyes but couldn't help the huff of laughter that escaped her.

“Very funny. You can put me down now.”

Sebastian pursed his lips and squinted his eyes in thought as he continued to keep holding her hostage.

“Hmm, I don’t think I will. All year round I had to watch as you ran from one end to the castle to the next without even stopping to say hello and now, I finally have you in one place? Why waste a perfectly good opportunity.”

“If I promise to not run away from you, will you let me down?”

She grinned as she was in no real rush to leave his arms as Sebastian pretended to think about it for a moment longer. Ella could have sworn she felt him squeeze her again ever so lightly.

“Ever? Hmm. I suppose that will do.”

For now, he thought.

He grinned as he set her down gently. Sebastian moved around the corner to take a closer look at her shop. She tried to make her hands useful and was starting to feel the need to fiddle with something as he perused the items she had in stock. One item in particular grabbed his attention in the front window. He picked up one of the phoenix feathers from the jar. Sebastian twirled the stem of the feather in his hand as he turned around to face her smiling.

“This brings back memories, doesn’t it? How do you think he is fairing without us? I miss our feathered friend.”

“I’m sure he is doing just fine with Deek… So, what do you think of the shop?”

Ella bit her lip, waiting for his response. She had hoped he liked it. It was his first time in her store and her first time showing the shop to one of her friends. She valued the opinions of her friends highly… Sebastian’s more than most. He looked down and paused as if he knew how much the wait for his response was making her anxious.

“I think… that you’ve come a long way from the witch I met last year who didn’t have much experience with the magical world. It’s amazing and completely you.”

He looked at her fondly with a small smile on his face, which grew as he noticed her face start to redden from his praise. He forced himself to look away. After putting the feather back in the jar, he moved around the counter to stand back in front of her.

They stood there for moment facing each other until she broke the silence.

“I couldn’t have done it without you.”

Sebastian snorted.

“I’m serious, you taught me majority of the spells last year and they saved my life on numerous occasions.”

He paused for a moment, and she had a feeling where was mind headed to.

“…Yes, I… spells that I probably should not have taught you.” he said softly.

He swallowed, remorse filling his eyes for a moment before giving away to a steely resolve. It was something he thought about on a regular basis and in the end, he only came to one conclusion.

“Though, I… cannot say that I much regret it. I can’t. There were so many that were after you last year. Many who would not have fought fairly and would have taken advantage of the fact that you were new to his world. Though… that was difficult to tell with you at times. You made everything look easy and took to it so quickly. Even I’d would forget that fact sometimes.”

Sebastian marveled at how well she took to it. He remembered her telling him that Fig believed it had to do with her ancient magic allowing her to quickly pick up on new spells, though he mostly believed it was just her. His brilliant girl.

“You would have been able to figure it out without me, that I have no doubt of.”

“Even so, you were the one who I relied on the most… still do.”

Sebastian couldn’t look away from her. He often admired her when she wasn’t looking and to have her staring back at him as he openly did so, started making him feel a bit warm. When the dust had settled and she had defeated Ranrok, he was terrified if he looked away that she would somehow disappear in front of him. He would often look her way when she had her head in the book that she always carried or in the classroom when her attention was on the professor. Sebastain could see a lot when she wasn’t trying to control her reactions.

They stood there for a moment longer just staring at each other, Ella could feel her heart beating out of her chest. She couldn’t help but look from his eyes to his mouth. They were friends, she tried to tell herself. She couldn't allow her feelings to muddle that. There was a lot that had happened, and they were both still not in the best frame of mind. Still trying to heal from the events of last year. He needed someone to lean on. She would only feel like she would be taking advantage of his circumstances.

For the rest of the year, with him by her side she felt … protected … in a way that didn’t make sense to her. She tried to think of it logically. He taught her magic beyond her wildest dreams, actively tried to help her solve the mystery of her ancient magic and in general he was … her first friend. However, that didn’t negate the hardships they had shared. The scriptorium came to mind. At the time, they were all filled with too much adrenaline and elation of not having to spend a moment longer in that corridor to really process what had happened and … what they had to do to escape it.  

Ella couldn’t find it in herself to be able to hurt him, to really hurt him enough to cast the cruciatus curse on him, so she had told him to cast it on her. After it happened, Sebastian made a vow to her that he would never let it happen again ... then everything spiraled from there. They had learned curses they probably shouldn’t have. However, she could admit to herself that she was … tempted by it. She also could admit that perhaps they went too far even if the curses saved her life from time to time. Even so, Ella vowed to herself she would try to protect him, even if it was from himself.

Ella would not lose him. That was a truth she could live by.

She tried her best to steel her resolve and to look away, but she wanted a moment longer of being able to freely admire him even if for once he was staring right back at her. Ella took a deep breath and started to take a step back to give an acceptable distance when Sebastian’s hand moved from his side and drifted towards her face. His hand took the strand of hair that had fallen out of her braid when she fell and pushed it behind her ear. She could feel his hand brush against her cheek and lay against her ear. He didn’t immediately retract his hand and she couldn’t look away from the warmth of his eyes.

He started to lean closer to her.

“I’ve been thinking…” he started.

“Oh…that could be dangerous.”

“Ha, ha. She’s funny today I see.” He said with a sly smirk.

Her lips tilted upwards, used to this back-and-forth banter with him. However, Sebastian still had not let go of her face and Ella was watching his eyes as they moved from hers, down to her lips and then back upwards. Similar to how she looked at him. This was a look from him she wasn’t used to and a look she couldn’t quite identify. She’s catalogued most of his expressions and could usually tell when he’s up to something. This look, however, was sending her nerves on fire and she could feel her face starting to warm under his touch as she could the feel the fluttering in her stomach begin to grow.

She swallowed and inhaled sharply.

The look on his face changed at her reaction, which Ella had hoped had gone unnoticed. She was equally relieved as she was disappointed that she recognized that look.

“I have been wondering though… Have you been getting many trolls or vampires for customers?”

“I…what?”

With his other hand, Sebastain pointed to the signs on the wall behind her. She glanced to her right to see what he was talking about. Scoffing, she pushed him away from her and went back to try and place the problematic item that did not want to be showcased. Ella was surprised at his blatant flirting. Sebastian was a charismatic person. Though she sometimes did wonder if meant it.

She thought Sebastian was suspiciously silent as she climbed up the step ladder once more. She was waiting to hear his snickering behind her. With her back to him, her eyebrows furrowed as stretched her arm to reach the shelf.

“No, I cannot say I get many trolls or vampires as customers. As seeing only one of those species exist and the other does not. However, as you know. Hogsmeade has had the occasional troll to visit it.”

She smiled as she remembered her first foray to Hogsmeade, with Sebastian no less. It was certainly a memorable adventure. Their first one. From the quite laugh behind her, she had the sneaking suspicion that he was remembering the same thing.

“That is certainly true … though, who told you vampires don’t exist?”

Sebastian loved surprising her with all sorts of magical knowledge. He liked to think it was just to help her get caught up with their peers, but truthfully, he just adored seeing the look of awe pointed in his direction. In his eyes she was truly a force to be reckoned with and he didn’t think he had much to bring to the table. In the Scriptorium, she was amazed at Ominis’ ability to speak with snakes. He just wanted to be seen as useful, to be seen … as something more in her eyes.

Telling her vampires existed at this moment was not ideal, he realized. Shocked, Ella quickly turned around to face him. Which led to her foot catching the step causing her to lose her balance and once more she was starting to fall backwards. Sebastian’s eyes widened as he quickly moved closer to her to place his hands on her waist to steady her in time. This time she didn’t fall.

“Twice now that you fell into my arms. Please do be careful. One more time falling for me and that will be the charm… so they say.” He said with his patented smirk.

“Ha, ha. He’s funny today I see.”

She turned back around to attempt one final time at placing the item as she heard him softly laughing behind her. Sebastian this time did not release her, and she could feel both of his hands either of side of her waist. For a moment she just stood there before she began stretching her arm towards the high shelf again. Ella stopped breathing as she reached further when she felt his hands squeeze her waist as he stood directly behind her.

Sebastian cleared his throat.

“Why don’t you just use magic to place it on the shelf?”

Ella paused. It was a valid question.

“Oh I…didn’t even think to do that. I suppose my upbringing still peaks its head out from time to time. Though, there is something to be said about using oneself to manually do the labor. Almost…a sense of self-satisfaction.” she declared.

“Really? You’re saying this? The one who- correct me if I am wrong. Which we both know that I am not- the one who all year would use magic for the simplest things just because she could and had never been able to, are telling me that you find self-satisfaction from doing manual labor?”

She could only picture the incredulous look on his face as she just managed to finally place the item on the shelf. He let go of her as she made her descent down the step ladder and turned around to face him. With one eyebrow screwed upward, he stared down at her as he awaited her response.

Sighing, she replied “After everything that had happened this last year, I just…wanted a little sense of…normalcy. Is that too much to ask for?”

His eyes softened.

“Darling, we are not normal, but if you need to the sense of normalcy that you had before everything happened this past year…I understand.” He paused.

“On one condition.”

“And that is?”

“…You let me place the items on the top shelf.”

A laugh bubbled out of Ella. It was the beginning of a heartfelt moment that ended quintessentially in a Sebastian-like way. He was smiling down at her with a fond look. They never had to say much to each other to understand what the other was thinking. It was a bond she had with no other and it was that reason why she didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize it.

“Deal, if you just so happened to be around, otherwise no bets. I do have a shop to run and all.”

Sebastian clapped his hands together and with a large smile, he made another offer she couldn’t turn down.

“Very well and on that note. What say you and I commemorate this with a butter beer? I for one, would like nothing more than forget how I almost witnessed you get taken out by a step ladder and gravity.”

“And that is your way of asking me to The Three Broomsticks?”

Sebastian scratched the back of his head and shrugged his shoulders. Ella rolled her eyes.

“Okay, but first I will need to clear it with my assistant.”

“You have an assistant? Why is this the first time I’m hearing this? You’ve never once brought it up in your letters.” Surprised, he tilted his head waiting for her explanation.

“Well, you see she…kind of came with the shop and I don’t know much about the politics surrounding it and-“

“You have a house elf? Another one? First Deek and now….” Sebastian stopped when he realized that he didn’t have a name.

“Her name is Penny, and she is not really my house elf. As I stated, she is more of an assistant. Though, she knows more about shop keeping than I do.”

Ella tilted her head upwards. She was content with the arrangement she made with the house elf. After hearing Deek’s story of his previous master, she worried Penny would go to someone equally as horrible if she were to free the house elf. So, she made a sort of deal with her. Since Ella couldn’t spend much time at the shop while she was in school, Penny would run the shop during the year while she would replenish the supplies from ransacking the dungeons that were throughout the Highlands. Penny would have a place to live and to eat, she could even say they had become friends. Ella also thought Penny to be a rather shrewd business partner.

She really didn’t take no for an answer.

With a sudden pop, the house elf in question made her appearance.

“Hello Penny, I was just talking about you. This is Sebastian.”

“Penny says hello to mistress and to mistress’ friend. Penny has not had the privilege of meeting one of mistress’ friends yet and Penny has heard much of Mr. Sallow. Mistress brings up Mr. Sallow in many conversations.”

“Penny!”

Ella cringed. She hated being even remotely cross with the house elf since she had seen signs of the abuse the previous owner put Penny through. She adored the house elf, but a secret keeper, Penny was not. Ella was surprised when she hadn’t seen the house elf attempt to hold her breath. The shopkeeper took this as a sign that she was fostering a good workplace for the house elf. However, Penny’s slip up did not go unnoticed by Sebastian who turned to her with smug grin.

“Mr. Sallow is brought up in many conversations, is he now?”

“All terrible things really. The bane of my existence, truly.” was her sardonic reply.

“And here I was going to pay for the first round of butter beer.”

“Oh! Penny thinks that is brilliant idea, mistress should go with her friend to The Three Broomsticks. Penny can take care of the shop while mistress is out.”

“Well then, there you have it. All squared away, leaving us to enjoy a good ole fashion drink together. I sure have missed going to the pub.”

Sebastian placed his arm out before her as she gathered her coin purse. She rolled her eyes.

“It’s been two weeks since we were last there together and we spent so much time there last term, Sirona is surely close to getting tired of our faces.”

“Our faces? Have you looked in a mirror, one would be so lucky for us to show our faces around their establishment. Rather handsome, I’d say. And are we not the famous troll vanquishers of Hogsmeade?”

“More like infamous.” She muttered as she took his arm. He guided her outside to the cobbled sidewalk to make their way to the Broomsticks as the sun was beginning to dip below the horizon to make way for nightfall.

“Let’s just hope this time doesn’t lead to an almost all-out pub brawl.” He smiled at her as he brought his hand to grasp the hand she had currently on his other arm, and he squeezed it gently. The fluttering was back in her stomach.

“That happened one time.”

*******

Definitely let me know what you guys think!

[classicalshorts]

Paint it NERO!

No, nothing to do with the emperor who fiddled while Rome burnt. This is the final entry in the Cool Colours series on words that English derived from Latin and Greek colour words. So, tonight, you guessed it, we are going to PAINT IT BLACK! (yes, I am a Stones fan!).

Okay, we start with Latin. I am going to take a slightly different approach tonight and look at how the Latin for black (niger, nigra, nirgum) evolved into different modern European languages. These are all called the 'Romance' languages, but nothing to with love. It is because they derive from the language of the Romans. The most similar to the Latin original are the Poruguese, Spanish, and Romanian:

Spanish: negro, negra Portuguese: negro, negra Romanian: negru

The main change is that the 'i' in the Latin has changed to an 'e'. Note how Spanish and Portuguese have retained the masculine and feminine endings -o, and -a. The neuter (the '-um' in Latin) has disappeared.

Now, French and Italian represent interesting and slightly different example of linguistic evolution.

French: noir, noire Italian: nero, nera

Once again, we see the masculine and feminine endings remain, but slightly different. The 'g' of the Latin has disappeared. This is not unheard of ease of pronunciation or pleasure of sound may explain this; the harder sound is dropped over time to leave the more pleasant, gentler nero, for example. In French, nigro (Latin ablative) became noir, a word still visibly connected to it Latin roots, just altered.

However, there may be something a little more complicated, but very, very interesting. Now, Latin is not the only ancient Italian language. Some of its own words come from these, or have combined as language evolves. And there are even examples where these non-Latin Italian languages have bequeathed us fascinating derivatives in their own right.

One of these languages was Umbrian, spoken by the central Italian peoples and closely connected to Oscan (more about these in a later post). In Umbrian, the word for black or dark seems to have been niru, very similar to modern French and Italian. This leaves us with questions. Was the Umbrian word the principal parent word of the French and Latin for black? Or did it combine with Latin as it evolved? Latin and Umbrian were likely connected either by Umbrian bequesting to Latin or via a connection to a mutual parent.

Isn't language amazing? Such a rich legacy from a famous ancient language, and one that has almost been forgotten.

So, now to Greek. Are you feeling a little down or sad? If so, you may be said to be feeling melancholy, in other words (and rather less poetically), you have a touch of black bile. The word comes from Greek as follows:

μελας, μελαινα, μελαν - black, dark

χολή - bile

So how do we get from black bile to a feeling of sadness? This goes back to ancient Greek medical theory. The theory of the four humours, an early holistic approach to understanding the funcitoning of the body and disease, often attributed to medical writer and thinker Hippocrates (yep, author of the oath which doctors still pledge allegiance to). The 'humours' corresponded to the four fluids of the body, of which black bile was one, accounting for certain diseases, but also feeling low. What a rich cultural history finding its origins in the early days of science?

And so, this article brings my series on Cool Colours, modern words from ancient Latin and Greek (primarily) for colour. I hope you have enjoyed it.

If you would like more content like this (language related) or would like more stuff generally about the ancient world and how it relates to our own, please DM me.

See you in my next series, whatever that may be!

[akitasimblr]

sims tag

i found this sims tag on @femmeonamissionsims simblr and decided to bring it back!

1. What’s your favourite sims death? nothing beats evil chicken death!

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match? maxis match.

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? no. depending on the story, i may or not make them some gym.

4. Do you use move objects? i do :)

5. Favorite mod? first impressions!

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? dogs & cats!!

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? like alive (hope it's correct! oop!)

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? oh dear... theresa harper, definitely! (since all the others harpers are the result of genetics).

9. Have you made a simself? i did!

10. What sim traits do you give yourself? loner, bookworm and nerd.

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color? red hair!

12. Favorite EA hair? the female bob straight bangs from cool kitchen stuff.

13. Favorite life stage? okay... the infants are too cute!

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? i am a big round zero at building! definitely gameplay!!!

15. Are you a CC creator? no. i did a few experiences but i never posted anything yet.

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? i do have simblr friends ^_^

17. What’s your favorite game? (1, 2, 3, or 4) i played all. i loved all but always loved the last most. so, sims 4 fan here :)

18. Do you have any sims merch? no.

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims? no.

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? i had a very basic family-kind gameplay before creating my simblr here. but legacy challenges changed my way if playing and i can't see myself playing casual games anymore. legacy challenges are my thing now.

21. What’s your Origin ID? idk 😯

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator? oh... i have too many. but @madameriasims4 @nolan-sims @leaf-motif are definitely my top 3.

23. How long have you had a simblr? since december 2021.

24. How do you edit your pictures? using these free tools noglo v2.1 + noblu v2, happy pills PSD and befunky + canva + veed.io . but seriously, the happy pills do it all :)

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? no idea, i am quite happy with what we have now; and i'll be happy with anything the sims 4 create next.

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? hum... cottage living is just perfect ❤️

i'm gonna tag 10 simblrs but no worries if you don't want to do it ;)

@duusheen @aurorangen @aliengirl @minty-plumbob @estah @rebouks @memoirsofasim @kissalopa @wileyfern and @aheathen-conceivably

[m39]

Doom WADs’ Roulette (2009): Legacy of Suffering

Hey, kids. Ya wanna play some Deum 3 on Doom 2?

…

Okay, it’s not really Doom 3, but… eh… that will do.

G5: Legacy of Suffering

Main author(s): Logan MTM

Release date: November 28th, 2009 (original release)

Version(s) played: updated

Required port compatibility: GZDoom

Levels: 10 (8 regular ones, 1 post-credits and something called LOSINV01)

Now here is something weird from Brazil – Legacy of Suffering, AKA another one of those WADs that released its first part, and nothing else after promising more. In the case of this stillborn WAD series, we also have mixing original Doom games with elements of Doom 3. That, and the shotgun with four barrels (I’ll get to that in the longer moment).

This project started as a combination of two old projects, one from 2006 by Logan himself and 2007’s Dark Base by Maurício Rocks. The plot was different from what we got, there was supposed to be more artwork and even some 3D stuff; so basically, typical stuff that was changed in production.

The plot, meanwhile, happening right after Doom 3, focuses on a super soldier bloke, who got arrested because he was going insane, is now on a moon base, and that base ends up attacked by demons.

Since we will be tackling one of those ZDoom WADs that likes to use a huge chunk of the source port’s features (you know, those smelly wankers), I can only hope that it won’t annoy me as much as many others before it. Let’s take a look.

Disclaimer: Review based on two playthroughs without secret hunting.

You know how Doom 3 was around 75% walking through some dark tech base with occasional trips outside and in hell? Well, in this WAD, it’s, without counting the post-credits map along with taking place on the Moon instead of Mars, always walking through some tech base crap, except it doesn’t feel as dark as the original release of Doom 3.

That doesn’t mean the base looks bad; it looks good, and it has some nice details here and there, I especially like the sixth act with a monorail. I just wish it had more map styles.

The music is… good, I guess? I recognized tracks from Painkiller (I need to replay that game one day) and the remix of Sign of Evil at Act VIII fits like a glove; I just wish it wasn’t that loud (turn down the music volume just in case). Also, and it’s a more personal problem, I listened to so many great MIDIs from the past and future WADs that listening to the music with actual instruments in Classic Doom mods feels off. It doesn’t boil my blood as much as MIDIs.

The design of the levels doesn’t really feel that complicated. Even though the automap doesn’t show the layout (yep, it’s one of those), it was still a far cry from some of the bigger moon-logic crap I’ve played. I still recommend using IDDT on the map (at least on your second playthrough); I don’t think there is a shame in doing that in cases like this.

Our protagonist has regenerating health, so if you want to, you can wait in the corner like it’s another Gears of War or Call of Duty to come back to full health (although it’s kind of slow). I don’t really mind it.

I feel like the ZDoom cutscenes might be the least obnoxious ones I have experienced in ZDoom WADs. Sure, there are moments where it takes control out of you, but these are rather short, there is no annoying, pretentious dialogue, and most of the time, these are rather dynamic; they actually show stuff. You can even outright skip some of the longer cutscenes. It’s like the cutscenes evolved into being passable at worst, and if they are worse, then they almost evolved into this state.

As I mentioned earlier, there is a secret map that you can play after the credits roll. It’s good, I guess? It kind of reminded me of the first trip to hell in Doom 3 (maybe it inspired that map).

Despite its name, Legacy of Suffering won’t really let you suffer with its difficulty. It is challenging, don’t get me wrong (mostly because projectiles are now faster -_-), but it’s not really a ball buster.

It gets interesting since the enemies have some new moves on their sleeves. Shotgunners and Chaingunners can now dash-attack after being hurt (luckily, the latter start firing much later), Pinkies barely feel pain and have a chance to ram at you (spectres don’t get these bonuses), Revenants fire two missiles instead of one (and can fire after throwing a punch), Barons have a chance to shoot three fireballs instead of one, Arachnotrons drop cells after they completely disappear (like all of the other demons), and Lost Souls have reduced health (and new, more annoying sound effects).

The WAD also adds three new enemies to the roster. One is the regular mob – Super Shotgunner, wielding its namesake and having more health than any other zombie (from what I’ve experienced).

The other two enemies are bosses; there is a super Hoovy that has an upgraded chaingun that occasionally fires rockets as well. The other is called Shadow Guardian, which is basically a digitalized Hell Knight from Doom 3, that can be only hurt by plasma, and fires a deadly AOE attack after getting hurt.

Typically for such WADs, you also get new weapons. I mentioned a shotgun with four barrels at the beginning of the review, and that’s what the cannon shotgun is. You can fire from one barrel or from all four at once with the alt-fire; it is also the only weapon that requires manual reloading.

The second new weapon is launcher chaingun (or what the fuck is it called), which you steal from the uber Hoovy. It’s basically a chaingun on steroids with a small rocket launcher attached to it.

Like the old enemies, the old weapons get some changes. You reload the super shotgun slightly faster; there is a small delay before the regular chaingun starts firing; you punch faster but weaker (you can also kick); you can swing your chainsaw now with the alt-fire; and the plasma gun now fires a blue BFG ball with the alt.

Legacy of Suffering is an interesting specimen. Out of all of the ZDoom WADs from the 2000s that sacrifice the fun and gameplay to focus more on the source port’s features, this one feels like it could age the least poorly.

Do I still recommend it? Kind of? It’s worth taking a look at it but not for more than one or two playthroughs at once.

The next WAD on the list is an interesting case since it requires Skulltag to play. I’ll see what I can do with it. If the first map breaks down, I’ll let you know and probably cancel the review of the next WAD.

We will see.

[artist-issues]

Hi! I just started following your blog yesterday and have read a good portion of your Disney meta, and I have to say that you are 100% on point with all of it, specially when you are comparing and contrasting the original classic animated films and their live-action remakes. I can't stand those soulless, stiff cash-grabs and how they stain the legacy, message and characters of the original movies and get the point of the movies and characters's personalities and motivations so awfully wrong, it actually infuriates me in a way. People will say that we are way too attached to these movies and that we need to let the newer generations enjoy these new version, but why would you want to introduce the newer generation to a remake of a far superior movie that gets its message across much better and doesn't shoehorn agendas down people's throats? Most of the remakes have done a disservice to the original animated classics and have no grasp of what made them timeless and magical, but the key is in heart, which is what the remakes, for the most part, severely lack. I won't underappreciate all of the people that have worked hard in these movies and I do believe they want to make the best product they can get out, but the problem mainly lies on the people who are part of the story team and the executives at The Walt Disney Company. You made an good point about how the newer Disney Princesses, specifically the ones depicted in the remakes, are more about independence and freedom than love and sacrifice. Like, okay, independence and freedom have been part of their stories to an extent, but it was never the main aspect of it. The essence of Disney Princesses is their heart and soul, how they are willing to see the good in others, how they will sacrifice for those they love, how they will help those in need, how they inspire change in others. That is what a Disney Princess is at her core to me: Love. It's never been about how independent, tough and fierce they can be, even though that can be a part of their character, ofc, but it isn't the main selling point of them for me and many others who truly love and understand these characters. That's the reason, imo, they have always been the pillar and heart of Disney. They represent the ideal of femininity, love, compassion, hope, faith and selflessness; sure, they aren't "perfect", but they are still examples of what we could and should be. That's why it's annoying when people criticize and attack them. They aren't ditzy, useless and weak hot prizes for a prince; that's such a gross interpretation of them that's far from true; their external beauty accentuates their internal beauty. That's the whole point. The princes fight for them because of their love, their nurture, their kindness, their selflessness, etc., not simply because they are pretty or whatever. I know this has gotten too long, but given that you are used to writing long passionate posts on these topics just like me, I don't think my "mini-meta-rant" will bother you too much hahaha. Keep up doing your own thing <3

Thank you! This is very kind! I like a lot of your blog’s content, too!

Yeah, I work with kids, and one of them was telling me that her favorite movie is Live Action Aladdin. And I was floored. Then she said “and it’s so much better than the original!” And then I was mad.

Because what Disney is doing is changing the values that the stories and characters were invented to represent. So now I’ve got a kid who prefers the version of Jasmine who isn’t all about faith—she’s all about empowerment. So. Not only is she learning a completely different (and worse) life lesson from a character who used to teach a great lesson, but her tastes are getting developed toward cinematic junk food.

What Disney is doing is pasting over their old characters’ values. And they’re getting the newer generations used to a low standard for storytelling. Those are two major, culture-shaping parts of a kid’s development—what they value, and what they have a taste for. It’s just all-around bad, and everyone is right to be up in arms about it, including you!

Anyway, thank you very much for your kind words!