#my self esteem is low af rn

[ghostdata]

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[rowanhoney]

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[udon-udon]

in other other news, literally called for an ambulance 2 hours ago but because it's not a dire situation and cause they're busy af rn, we're still anxiously waiting for it to come 🙃 and then proceed to horribly translate cause no one speaks english around here except me. and the whole mood of the family/household is just horrible cause of grandpa's declining health so that's not great for my already declining mental health. i still have to figure out goal setting shit for work too and next week is gonna be swamped as fuck cause my senior officially left last friday, so i now have to do two people's worth of work in a timely manner somehow and we keep signing on more clients when the whole damn company is shorthanded as fuck. we're looking to hire but we don't know when we'll find a good candidate, as well as me needing to figure out how to train them when i barely know how to operate l m a o and then there's the whole con prep shit i still have to work on, i'm losing fuel cause of everything that's going on and i just don't want to do anything, i don't want to go to work, i don't want to work on con prep, i don't want to talk to anyone for the most part, and ugh. And also dealing with crippling low self esteem and confidence so everything licherally sucks right now

even if i want to do stuff to distract myself, i can't even do said things cause i just end up constantly thinking about all my worries and shit and ugh

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Saturday, August 24th, 2024!

2:08pm: Damn I feel so crazy rn and so ugh. I feel offended that he keeps saying I can't make a decision. I make decisions and he doesn't like what I pick = I stop making decisions. Plus he is a picky eater I literally can't deal with it. I don't want to go out, pay for food at a restaurant and he doesn't like it. That shit is annoying. Indecisive my ass, my plan two weeks ago was aquarium -> concert -> drunk bedtime/ funsy time. Turned into him saying to play it by ear for a concert..... Hello bro I need to know if I'm buying tickets or not 😑 but it was ok because I was like fuck it at least the aquarium will be fun. LITERALLY he gets TO MY HOUSE and I'm picking out my aquarium outfit and he goes ... Oh I'm tired let's go tomorrow 🙃 which is fine but he had somewhere to be at 1pm which I didn't know we were on a time crunch for the aquarium in the morning aka why would you suggest that. Oh so the other reason for not going to the aquarium Friday was it closed at 5. We would've gotten there around 2:30pm. Aka you assume that means he wants to spend about ~3 hrs at the aquarium (keep in mind I've never been, this is his idea, I am under the impression there's 3+ hrs worth of things to see there). We end up going in the morning, it's expensive af which I didn't really know but I offered to pay bc it's my weekend. We end up only going for about 1 hr...... I'm like ok bro we could've done this yesterday ?? Indecisive my ASS. I'm just kinda annoyed at that comment fr. I'll start planning the dates, where to go for dinner, what to do, but bitch don't start fucking complaining about it once I start planning shit 🤷‍♀️ I've literally never complained about any of his dates, even going to the gym. PLUS nigga I had two dates planned back to back last weekend except your dumb ass was sick so STFU‼️💯🌶️‼️

I'm kinda concerned that this football shit is about to overrun his life (mainly weekends aka the only time he'll hang out with me 💀) idk I just don't have a good feeling about this for some reason. :( He won't introduce me to anyone, nobody knows about me, which was ok before I guess but now every Saturday, he's gonna be with his friends.... Who don't know about me and I guess will not find out about me. Tbh it's giving not confident (either in himself, ME (wtf?) or both), it's giving pussy ass bitch, it's giving you are not my priority - my friends are 🚩, it's giving I act completely different around other people in some way that is incompatible with what I've told/ shown you, and I mean worst case scenario - but unlikely given how unconfident and self-proclaimed fucked up he is - he has a girlfriend or something incompatible with me being in the picture. Can we talk about the low self-esteem, woe is me, my family is fucked up and so am I mentality? That shit is annoying, mf if you don't like your family, you are 26 bitch move out ?? 💀 You are saying you have all these issues, nigga if you are aware of it then wtf why are they still there? Not to knock anyone in the healing stage, but like are you in a place to have a relationship if this shit is so prevalent in your life? I know I wasn't ready for a relationship for a long time, now I am and I feel truly like this MF is dragging his feet because he is lacking something in himself, confidence, trust issues, self-conscious about me being his gf despite saying he likes me but is afraid of what other people will think (confidence again).

I think I hit the nail on the head, he either afraid of my perception of him and/or his people, or his people's perception of me as a reflection on him WHICH to say, is totally fucked in the head and rude af. I'm glad I put this all into words because it's really rubbing me the wrong way.

[simpystarrr]

Anyone up for my original stuff?

[orange-plum]

What is your advice for taking commissions? Like how do you know how much to charge? I opened mine like a week ago but no takers so far :( should I just lower the price?

That’s a hefty question. I’ve watched a lot of vids, seen blogs, seen tweets, read artist’s tips on commissions, so here’s my personal take on it. This isn’t everyone’s, so feel free to go out and seek out sources to help you better gauge how you wanna do it.

Commissions should be at the very base level minimum wage in your country/region etc. But that’s depending how your financial state is. I’ve had a time when I had my tumor back in 2016 where I didn’t have a job and was in the hospital a lot and I still needed to pay my rent. So I took a lot of commissions at my lower price at the time just because I needed to pay bills.

Now, however, for example, money is not soooo tight (hhh it’s still tight but not dire) that I’d need to lower prices if I offered commissions. So at the end of the day that’s gonna be a call on you for the commission purposes. And I hate to say that because it goes against every fiber of my being to undersell art. Art isn’t a necessity, it’s a luxury. So you deserve to be paid properly for all the time put into the work. And lowering commissions too low sets a bad example to clients because they’ll expect artists to make less than a livable wage. So on the large scale I’m against lowering prices too low (like when I see someone charging $10 for a full color piece I’m like nooo you’re worth more than that!!), but I’ve also been on the other side. At the end of the day, if you need money you do what you gotta do. I was there so I get it. 

Commissions are also not thought of in a marketing sense, too. You shouldn’t expect people to go find you, you need to go out and find them. So many people offer commissions. If you just say “I’m open” on your blog and that’s it, that’s not good marketing or advertising. You need to look up where people are looking for commissions in forums, on youtube, on twitter, on tumblr, facebook, wherever, and offer yourself. But def don’t just go to someone’s space and drop that shit uninvited cuz that’s rude af. Just go to places or people who are looking and offer your work to choose from. Craigslist I’ve heard oddly enough pays very well for art commissions and there are a lot of people looking there, so maybe even try that?

This last part is kinda just my own opinion and trickier. It’s kinda on the line of “Good for you, you deserve to be paid higher for your work I support that” and being realistically critical of your skill level. Def don’t use this to beat yourself up because you’re your own worst critic. So don’t do that. But I kinda look around at other commission prices, look at my current skill level, and see what people who are around my level are charging. That’s why this is hard because if you are too hard on yourself you’re going to set super low prices. I encourage everyone to set a price they believe they’d be satisfied getting paid at, but it’s also like, if you set TOO high (and by this I mean exorbitantly so), it might discourage you if you’re not getting clientele like you wanted, and then you could potentially take a hit to your self esteem. For example, if my skill level was this (and I’m only going to use my old art here as an example):

I’m not going to charge $40 for this because, realistically, I’m not sure if I’d get a lot of commissions because I don’t deem this skill level from myself ias something I can feasibly charge that much for. What I charge $40 for rn is this:

But that’s just me. It’s all relative with what price you wanna set, but this is just what I do for me, from my experience with commissions. I charge rn taking into account my current belief of skill level, and what I see from others with “my skill level” and what they’re charging, and how much time I know goes into a piece. Rn I think I charge fair for my work, but I def don’t think I’m at a level where I could charge hundreds of dollars for pieces like I’ve seen some people do. But that’s just a personal preference.

A week of not getting anyone isn’t the end of the world. I wouldn’t lower your prices rn. Taking all this into account if you want to, I’d def just start out by finding people who are seeking commissions and going to those spaces. You can take it from there afterwards with whatever happens. But def don’t get discouraged. It took me yeeeeeeeeeeears before I was able to have enough of a following to get more than one or two slots filled at a time. It’s def harder now on the internet than it was when I started out too back in like 2012 or whatever.

Good luck! I believe in you :~)

PS: Make sure your commission sheet and prices are clean and easy to understand. Your price/example sheet really matters

[kalgalen]

I hate that my self-esteem is so low rn bc i feel like I'm not. Allowed to like myself? Which I'm aware is absurd af bc since when do you need to be allowed to do that but here I am

[nneilperry]

12 & 49

12: what are your 5 fave songs rn?

dazed & confused - ruel

back to you - hardcastle

daphne blue - the band CAMINO

what we do - YIORGOS

all the same - nick wilson

tbh this is such a weird list like literally none of these are from the same genre and idek if these are even my fave songs rn theyre just the ones that i keep coming back to atm although the last one has been my A1 for a long time now

49: have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

i feel like im supposed to be releasing some Juicy Details™ here but the closest thing ive got is that the other day i had a weird episode of uncharacteristically low self esteem?? like idk what happened bc ive been going strong af for months so it wasnt that great lol but i think im mostly back and idk i just dont rly want ppl at school to know

thanks for the ask!!

ask me things and i’ll love u forever!!

[fanfictionlive]

I staggered so she could run.

I'm feeling all kinds of emotional, like half proud and also half in despair like I should just quit while I'm ahead.

So, apparently I am one of my most loyal reader's influences. She's just started writing like a year and a half ago, and she's just absolutely incredible.

She knows that I'm a perfectionist, IDK how much she understands that my self-esteem is just shit and it supplies into my perfectionism. It has worried me that she might've lost enthusiasm towards my stuff, cuz our comments don't go on and on like before, but recently she said she would read whatever I write and however I write it.

That put me at ease.

I'm currently taking a hiatus because I need to do all the things that makes great writers what they are, and that's reading widely and actively studying your favorites. Because that's what she's done.

I haven't done that because I knew the comparison game would rear its ugly head, and it is, like rn, cuz I'm struggling to enjoy her latest work cuz my head and heart ain't in the right place rn, I've even begun comparing stats, and it's just... Wow. She deserves it, though. That's the thing. And I shouldn't be surprised my kudo count is so low. God, I still think I must come off as unapproachable to those still in the fandom and that can't be helping my kudo count, or lack of comments. I even keep comparing how she replies to her readers.

Like, she's so sweet and friendly yet somehow professional??? She keeps it to the point, even thanks them for sharing their excitement. I've rambled off into conceptual stuff that no one really gets, and I just hate my lack of social skills? Or even my personality?

Ugh, sorry, pity party.

Well, anyways... the fact is....objectively... She is proof that I need to suck it up and read the good shit, even if it makes me feel like having an emotional breakdown. Maybe I'll eventually get over myself, actually start learning and writing better, hopefully be the approachable writer I've imagined myself to be, and yeah. I know this seems like a vent post, but it's not. If I weren't obvi' depressed af, this would read so much differently.

Anyways, to conclude!!

She is my most loyal fan, and now I am hers. I love her very much and I don't deserve her.

submitted by /u/missamajorachua [link] [comments] from FanFiction: Where Magical Ponies battle Imperial Titans https://ift.tt/2VOpSBX

[arceus-ex-machina]

I was tagged by @dabnyfantown to do a thing (on a blog I'm about to delete, so I'm doing it here). I'll tag @quinintheclouds, @snowlillies and @squishable-amethyst! THE LAST: 1. Drink: iced tea 2. Phone call: idk my mom probably 3. Text message: Quin 4. Song you listened to: Battle Against A True Hero apparently 5. Time you cried: some time within the past few days idk I have no sense of time HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: I guess technically but it barely even counted as a relationship lmao 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: well the guy from the previous question was a terrible kisser and had a cold sore but it was also my first kiss so I'm glad to have gotten it out of the way. So no regrets I guess 8. Been cheated on: not as far as I know lmao 9. Lost someone special: no 10. Been depressed: lmao ya 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: yes. 0/10 do not recommend LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12. Pink 13. Green 14. White IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: yeah! 16. Fallen out of love: yeah 17. Laughed until you cried: I think so 18. Found out someone was talking about you? No 👀 19. Met someone who changed you? i think everyone i meet does a little bit (kept kat's answer bc same) 20. Found out who your friends are: that's dramatic. Kinda but eh 21. Kissed someone on your FB list: yup GENERAL: 22. How many Facebook friends do you know in real life: p much all of them except my online friends 23. Do you have any pets: no but I sometimes wish Nala was mine 24. Do you want to change your name: i used to desperately want to but I think I'm good with it now 25. What did you do for your last birthday: had a breakdown lol. happy thanksgiving! 26. What time did you wake up: like 4 something am which is actually the most ideal time I've woken up recently 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: having a weird dream and abt to wake up I think 28. Name something you can’t wait for: a stable loving relationship (me too kat) 29. When was the last time you saw your Mom: yesterday before I went to sleep (did I sleep twelve hours again? Oops) 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i dunno… i guess itd be nice to be better off financially (I've been trying to change ur answers kat but since we're lowkey the same person it's getting harder) 31. What are you listening to right now: air 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yea my old songwriting teacher 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: emotions ? 34. Most visited website: tumblr lol 35. Mole/s: i think they're all just freckles idk 36. Mark/s: scars, a few stretch marks 37. Childhood dream: i wanted to be a famous singer like Kelly Clarkson 38. Hair color: it's a brown mess right now 39. Long or short hair: mine is like shoulder length but I'm growing it out...I love both but long hair suits me better 40. Do you have a crush on someone?: 🤔 41. What do you like about yourself: my eyes are kinda cool I guess bc part of them are green. and ig I have relatively nice skin (it'd be better if I'd just TAKE CARE OF MYSELF) 42. Piercings: just 1 in each earlobe 43. Blood type: idk I keep asking my mom but she doesn't know 44: Nicknames: don't really have any 45. Relationship status: single af 46. Zodiac: sagittarius 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV show: voltron legendary defender atm 49. Tattoos: maybe if I ever have something significant enough 50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: nope 52. Hair dyed a different color: lmao I've dyed it a bunch, right now it's brown but not my natural brown 53. Sports: hahahhahahahahhahahaha 54. Vacation: NYC was amazing, I've never been out of the country but i want to go...well everywhere tbh 55. Shoes: sandals/flip flops in the summer, mostly combat boots in the winter. I have others too but those are my defaults 56. Eating: lots of hummus and avocado lately...and limón chips 57. Drinking: water, iced tea, root beer 58. I’m about to: get all my new fidget toys off my bed so I can lay the fuck back down 59. Waiting for: a cute girl...to think I'm cute 60. Want: my hair to grow faster 61. Get married: maybe one day, or sooner for tax benefits lmao 62. Career: hell if I know WHICH IS BETTER: 63. Hugs or kisses: both!! in the mood for kisses rn tho 64. Lips or eyes: idk both r lovely 65. Shorter or taller: don't have a preference but I'm 5'3 so there are more ppl who are taller than me 66. Older or younger: um I feel like I'm behind my peers in terms of life development so an older person would feel Extra Old so younger ig but in general I don't have a preference 67. Nice arms or nice stomach: I?? Do not care 68. Sensitive or loud: this is phrased as if they're supposed to be opposites or mutually exclusive...anyway I guess sensitive 69. Hook up or relationship: relationship but tbh rn i wouldnt mind a hook up (kat's answer again whoops) 70. Troublemaker or hesitant: honestly I tend to balance out both of these qualities as needed so. either. bring it on HAVE YOU EVER: 71. Kissed a stranger: nope 72. Drank hard liquor: yep 73. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I lose my glasses at least once a week. I've never "lost" a contact because I've only ever worn dailies so once they're out of ur eye they're done 74. Turned someone down: yea 75. Sex on first date: I've never been on a traditional "date"....does sex without a date count? Otherwise nah 76. Broken someone’s heart: it feels weird to say but yeah i think so? 77. Had your heart broken: no 78. Been arrested: nope 79. Cried when someone died: I think so 80. Fallen for a friend: almost exclusively (because like...how do u fall for someone if u don't know them) DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 81. Yourself: *punches my low self esteem in the face* yea 82. Miracles: @universe we shall see *sighs* yea I do tho 83. Love at first sight: hell nah 84. Santa Claus: lol no 85. Kiss on the first date: sure if ur feeling it why not OTHER: 86. Current best friend: quin 87. Eye color: Hazel 88. Favorite movie: I'm not the biggest movie person...let's see. Fantastic beasts was pretty good

[avpdnoisearchive]

to make it short, is it possible to be a huge extrovert and still have avpd?? i'm outgoing af and i talk a lot///// and if the person is younger than me i actively make an attempt to talk just to talk bc i remember being the quiet kid and wanting but not wanting to be talked to. then there's the discomfort thing, ofc. my entire inner monologue about people and even when there's not people who will spectate ultimately leads to: "oh god will this embarrass me" or "this minor thing makes me a Bad"

also i'm not scared of abandonment until there are (unreasonable??? i can't tell) signs of it. example: considering my own fears, abandonment isn't really among them. i think: i can do fine alone, ive done it before. and then im not included to an Outing (LOL the thing is the outing would make me So FuckiNg Anxious probably) or somebody's like "hey i can't talk rn" and it's all Fuck they hate me it's Time To Die™ because i as a person am a huge inconvenience and therefore don't deserve existence

absolutely! i myself basically have two modes: either i literally say NOTHING or i cannot stop fucking talking. there’s no in-between. and when it’s the latter, i probably seem very extroverted!! but like you, i have that inner monologue of ‘holy shit what am i saying please shut up this is embarrassing’ etc. but yeah there’s nothing in the DSM about being introverted or extroverted so you could definitely have avpd!

plus talking a lot and being outgoing doesn’t mean you’re an extrovert necessarily! for me, i talk a lot because of anxiety. + there’s the whole avpd thing of ‘i’m gonna say a lot of weird shit and overshare so that these people reject me before we can become close.’

also fear of abandonment isn’t really an avpd thing (that’s more bpd). for people with avpd, it’s a fear of rejection (going off of my own experiences + the DSM-V). i feel the exact same as you! my avpd makes me want to become Completely Alone, because no one can reject me if i don’t have anyone. not being included in outings and someone brushing me off feels like rejection to me and makes me freak the fuck out. rejection + abandonment are very similar ideas so it can be confusing, but basically the difference in the fear is “they’re leaving because they hate me and they’re criticizing me and telling me i’m awful” vs. “they’re leaving.” of course there can be some overlap and it’s not so black and white, but basically i get scared that i’m a bad person and that’s why they’re leaving me, rather than just being mainly afraid of being left. does that make sense?? it’s not them abandoning me that scares me, sometimes it’s actually a relief to lose a friend?? but them thinking i’m an awful person and hating me is The Worst

anyway this is all to say that everything you’ve described to me sounds like symptoms of avpd and are things i experience myself! obviously you’d have to have all the symptoms of avpd like severely low self esteem and it impairing your functioning and whatnot, but yes everything you’ve described fits into having avpd. i hope this helped!! 

[but-the-library-of-alexandria]

1. What is Your Name? Elise

2. How old are you? 20

3. Tag 5 other people to take this and then let’s start? Going with my top 5 suggested tags: @imnotweird-imalimitededition​, @magicaltimelady44​, @potatotorch​, and @phantasmadiangelo​

4. Where are you right at this moment? sitting at my desk in my beautiful student house in my beautiful student room

5. Choose 5 adjectives to describe yourself? emotional, introspective, nervous, creative, stubborn

6. Do you smoke? no

7. Do you drink? no

8. Do you swear? yep

9. Do you have low self-esteem? not about my appearance/personality/abilities but about my decisions/choices yes

10. Do you get online a lot? hahahahahahHAHAHAHAHA yes.

11. Do you like taking pictures? I don’t take a lot really

12. Do you like to have your picture taken? yessss but it never happens, I love to have photo records of me and my life and my friends

13. Would you ever date someone 5-10 yrs younger than you? well someone 5-10 years younger than me rn would be a minor so no, but I do tend to go for guys who are younger than me by maybe 2 years ish, so in the future, I probably would.

14. Would you ever date someone 5-10 yrs older than you? probably never, I’m not into ‘the older man’ and I don’t like the idea of the power imbalance being out of my favour

15. Do you think you’re weird or normal? I’m weird but then, everyone is weird in some way - I’m just my own kind of weird, probably above average weird but not crazy super weird

16. What do you like least about your body? that it always gets colds or allergies, and unwanted hair I have to keep getting rid of (especially my monobrow lol, I respect Her but she doesn’t fit my aesthetic so she has to go)

17. What do you like most about your body? atm I’m really into my hips, I like the curve and that I can kinda feel the bone (but not in an underweight/unhealthy way dw) and they have awesome lighting-stripe stretch marks! honourable mention to the boobs though, all boobs are good boobs and who doesn’t like a bit of squish

18. Has there ever been a rumor spread about you? I’m not sure tbh - I think there was briefly a rumour that I liked a certain boy at high school but I actually did like him lol so it was true

19. Do you prefer to hang out with one friend or a group of friends? a group, I find one-on-one to be a bit intense unless we’re super close and I love having the Whole Squad together 

20. Who knows the most about you? my mum probably

21. Who do you trust the most with your secrets? atm I’m not really sharing my secrets with anyone so...? no one? is that sad? It’s not that I don’t trust people to keep them secret it’s just that I don’t want to talk about them

22. Name one person whose arms you feel safe in? I’m not a huge friend hugger but my mum and dad 

Have you ever? 23. Been in love? I don’t think so, not totally sure but I’m going with no

24. Had your heart broken? nope, I was the heartbreaker lol

25. Spun until you were so dizzy you couldn’t walk? many times when I was a kid I LOVED spinning

26. Screamed so much you lost your voice? probably, my throat is so delicate one scream would do it

27. Done something extremely unexpected? yeah all the time tbh

28. Been caught doing you weren’t supposed to be doing? only stuff like talking or texting in class, never a big deal

29. Been called a tease? not to my face. behind my back? probably. I have been known to be one.

What what what?

30. What is your biggest fear? I have crippling emetophobia it’s ruined my life tbh I really need some kinda therapy

31. What was your scariest dream? I often have dreams based on the above which are the wORST, but when I was little I had a recurring dream I can’t explain but it contained lots of fast flashing images and sudden loud noises and confusion

32. What was your best dream? I have a lot of great dreams, my brain always seems to dream in full, complex plots and most of them would make great novels. recently though, I dreamed someone I’d pushed away in the past met me again and I got to apologise and we were together again, that was bittersweet

33. What is your greatest strength? probably words or smarts 

34. Do you have any bad habits? all my habits are bad

35. Do you think life has been good to you so far? has life been good to me? yes. have I been good to life? no. 

36. Do you have any piercings? no

37. What does your underwear look like? grey floral silk with lace trim, cheap from primark lol

Which do you prefer?

38. Jeans or dress? dresses!

39. Pizza or pasta? I don’t like either whoops

40. Rich or happy? happy obviously??? who would choose to be rich and miserable what’s the point of being rich if it doesn’t make you happy too

41. Shower or bath? shower

42. Family or friends? why not both?

43. Kiss or hug? hug 

44. Bright or dark room? bright af, I need daylight and so do my plant friends

45. Chocolate or vanilla? chocolate af

46. Laugh out loud or chuckle quietly? laugh out loud

47. Foreign movies….dubbed or subtitled? depends on the dub quality; usually subbed

Lastly?

48. Last furry thing you touched? my white faux fur rug (with my feet)

49. Song you listened to? All I Ask Of You from Phantom of the Opera

50. Last person you talked to on the phone today? not today, but my mum the other day when the bathwater came through the kitchen ceiling 

51. Watched on TV? on actual tv, Time Team I think (love me some archaeology), but online, Nat and Elise from Carmilla making each other wedding dresses from toilet paper (as you do)

52. Compliment you received? My friend said she liked my hat today? We went to see fantastic beasts so I wore my 20s hat

More random thoughts… 53. What are your first thoughts waking up? usually what the weather is like, I’m so british

54. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? I loved the crayons Cerulean and Spring Green as a kid.

55. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Probably hair

56. Are you too shy to ask someone out? too unwilling morelike

57. Most memorable experience with a friend? I’ve had a lot of big experiences but all the ones that I remember clearest are little ones like on the bus and stuff. Maybe our trip to Teignmouth, or school residentials? 

58. Do you believe in soulmates? not sure - I don’t believe in the ‘one perfect person’ rule and I’m not sure how much I believe in true love lol, but I do believe in fate so...?

059. Do you think that it’s possible your heart doesn’t give you a choice with whom it falls in love? I know you can’t choose, but I think it gives you veto rights - you can choose who not to love or who to stop loving, but not who to love. 

60. What is something about you that people would be surprised to know? I have one glaring thing but I’m not really willing to share it yet. 

61. What is one thing you’ve learned about yourself in the last year or so? That I am way more houseproud than I thought

[moonbyulyl]

11 and 16, for any boy group?

11.Top 3 collaborations

- Boys Day: Ren (NU’EST), Minhyuk (BtoB), Hongbin (VIXX), Seungjin (A-JAX)

Iconic. Ren is so pretty he makes my self esteem low.; facial expressions also on point.

- Sign (BEG’s song) + Muzik (4minute’s song) + Gee (SNSD’s song) + Bo Beep (T-ara’s song): Super Junior, 2PM, 2AM, Beast, SHINee and MBLAQ: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6whQJvsOHq4 

so many of my favs on one stage slaying bops of that year. Also, my adam couple heart is screaming when 2am covered sign (also watch the gayo daejeon stage were am and BEG actually did perform together)

- 2016 KBS Song Festival collab stages (there were I think): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-P3rZOmau-g ; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3t40E3BoTXE ; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3PZH8dWakM

Tbh, not exactly my fav stages individually, but I really enjoy seeing so many groups being on stage at once and seeing them tgt just makes it heartwarming to see even tho some stages are lacking and cringe but it not that significant. The overall festival was just nice cos I got to see so many collabs and I liked that.

16.If you were the company’s CEO/in charge of (____) what would you change in the group

I honestly don’t know how to answer this bcos I don’t know the situation of that group tbh. Things probably work differently in Korea too so it’s hard to say?

Wanna One. Give more variety chances to members like Daehwi and Woojin. I can tell that Daehwi is pretty funny and witty.. he has that variety element. This also gives the other members (like Daniel, minhyun, jihoon) more rest. 

and yes, overall giving all the members more rest cos they look tired af (esp my emperor hwang.. poor boi)

this was the only thing i could think of rn. sorry :’(

Send me some numbers!

[basically-queenberyl]

I think I’m ready to spill my guts to this blog now...

So there was this guy. Let’s call him Josh. I met him in class a year ago, but I was like eh, that’s a guy. Seems cool. Now fast forward to fall semester and he’s in my class again. The ONLY person I knew in that class, so I’m like oh yeh, it’s that guy... So we get put in a group together like a month later and basically end up being in that same group for the rest of the semester for different projects. I got to know a little bit about him and found out we have some common interests and I thought “wow.... this guy is REALLY cool.” Then long story short (might go into depth later), he did a few things that made me think he might be interested, then I thought “Am I interested? Do I like this guy? I might...,” then he started doing several things throughout the semester that made me think he might like me back. So I go on reddit and start talking about my situation on there, and people were telling me to make a move and that it sounded good. He NEVER did anything about it. That should’ve been my hint right there. But NOOOO.

So the semester ends and I get kinda sad because I think it’s over. It was my last semester and someone else said it might be his too, so I won’t see him in person again until May when we have our grad ceremony and that’s too late. But reddit convinces me to keep it going. I had his number, so I start trying to text him. But he doesn’t seem like much of a texter. That should’ve been the end. But NO. I tell my best friend about this guy, which is HUGE for me, and she devises a plan for us to meet up. Long story short he agrees, friend says suggest going to lunch too, I do, then he backs out with an excuse I know is bullshit in hindsight. I try to reschedule because I’m a dumb bitch who can’t take a hint, and he says he’ll get back to me. And NEVER does..... he left me on read and ghosted me.

That’s when it sunk in that he was rejecting me and basically 4 days later, right after new year, I broke tf down. Because I have social anxiety and I put myself out there in the biggest way, even though rejection is a big part of what fueled me restricting in the first place. I took the gamble and thought I was strong enough, but I wasn’t. So basically, I cried more than I have for over a fucking decade in the following 2 weeks. I fucking bawled, man. Secretly (might go in depth about this later). And I haven’t cried this goddamn much since I was being bullied and was suicidal. And that was half my life ago. A little over a decade ago. And I haven’t talked to my best friend about the degree of devastation I felt because she’ll feel SOOOO disappointed. And now I’m realizing that my self esteem is absolute shit rn. I feel like I went backwards and I have to build it back up again. Like stacking up blocks or jenga pieces to make a tower, and this dude knocks off the top half of it. And that’s how I started 2020.

But now I’m done with school for now, and I have to get a job. And it’s hard when I’m in a low place with shitty self esteem.

“Why should we hire you?”

“You shouldn’t.”

There’s so many details to this story, holy fuck. Long ass post!! So yeh, I’m feeling existential af and lost. And lowkey hate myself inside and out. And I’m dumb, because it all started with a guy. Like I have NO romantic experience. ZERO!! And this is my first experience, which is fucking nothing. For the longest time, I wanted nothing to do with relationships, especially because I was still trying to get better with my self esteem, intimacy issues, and social anxiety. And I finally started to feel like a person again, and now I feel like I got knocked down a peg and put in my place. I’m not that great. The end.

[certifiablyidiotic]

Acting like a dominant girl on Omegle gets you nowhere.

I'm a cismale and I thought 'Why not act like a woman tonight?' I chose to act like a dominant lesbian and this is the results

!!!EXPLICIT CONTENT WARNING!!!

Stranger: M or f

You: I'm a fucking human. It doesn't matter.

Stranger: Bitch STFU😒

You: I just want a casual chat.

You: Is that too much?

Stranger: No come get sum

Stranger: I'm NOT gay

Stranger: So if this a guy

Stranger: Leave me alone

You: Homophobic, I see.

Stranger: No I'm not

Stranger: That's what I am not

You: You said 'Leave me alone' as if you were afraid of a little homosexuality.

Stranger: I am I don't put myself around that energy

You: So...

Homophobic.

Stranger: Is this a girl if you a girl idc if you say allat but

You: Yeah it is, but what if I'm a lesbian?

Stranger: If you a guy you kinda wierd man

Stranger: That's coo

You: Why would it automatically be weird for a guy to say this, if I may?

Stranger: Wym?

Stranger: Guys shouldn't be talking bout anything gay

You: But girls can?

Stranger: I'm not gay so I don't associate with gay stuff

Stranger: Yes your a girl🤩😂call me whateverrr

You: So you don't support LGBT+ and you shun gay dudes.

That's called Homophobic.

Stranger: But anywayssss😂

Stranger: I'm not homophobic

Stranger: Stop calling me gay girl😭

You: You sure act like it.

You: I'm not calling you gay.

Homophobic is afraid of gays.

Stranger: Ohhhhh

You: Or a hatred for them

Stranger: I don't hate it's just idc to hear bout it

You: And if you do?

Stranger: Wym?

You: You don't care to hear about it.

What happens if you do?

Stranger: Well then I'm tb gay stuff Wich I don't like tbh😐

Stranger: But when a girl tb it it's okay

You: 'tb'?

Stranger: Talking about

Stranger: Wyd tho?

You: Your fragile masculinity is laughable.

You: Would you believe me if I said I'm sucking a dick?

Stranger: Naw

Stranger: Are you

You: No.

Stranger: Why would you ask me then funny af🤣🤣

Stranger: I'm eating sum pussy rn so...

Stranger: 🤣

You: To see if you were as much of a creep as you come-

Yeah... I think I proved my point.

Stranger: I was just kidding calm tf down

Stranger: 😐😐

You: Fragile

Masculinity.

Stranger: Fradgile masculinity?

Stranger: Bitch enough big words we aint in school rn

You: School is for people who want to do something big in life.

All you wanna do is shun me for being smarter than you and shun guys for being gay.

Stranger: No idc if they gay so stop you dumb hoe

You: Then interact with men in the LGBT+ community... 'you dumb hoe'

Stranger: Prolly was sucking dick😂🙄

Stranger: Me nooo

Stranger: Your not getting me to do that who you think you is shorty😭🤣🤣

You: What does dick sucking have to do with you talking to a gay dude?

Stranger: I'm not talking to no gayyy dudeee

You: I have a bigger dick than you.

Stranger: Nada

You: Fragile fucking Masculinity

Stranger: Bitch I will fuck the back off you

You: I hope the fuck you do

Stranger: Arch that back hoe

You: You're either

A.) A perv

or B.) Rocking on fragile masculinity.

You have to choose one.

Stranger: You would be beggin for yo life if I eat that pussy how I wanted😛😈

Stranger: I'm not a perv or I'm not gay so...

Stranger: What color hair you got?

You: Fragile Masculinity means your so self conscious about someone being more 'manly' than you so you act tough around ladies to raise your personality points. And lemme tell ya, it aint workin.

It has nothing to do with being gay.

You: Why does that matter?

I'm never having your babies.

Stranger: Wtf that ain't me I was js I am not gay and keep the gay talk away from me but baby ion know where you got allat at butttt...

Stranger: Bitch I don't want you to have my babies

You: Gay talk-

Were you not fucking listening?

Being a man of fragile masculinity means you have self esteem issues about your manliness.

You: Then why ask?

Stranger: Ik what I am and you ain't about to clown me and tell me who I am you clowning fr baby🤣🤣😭

You: If I am a clown, what will you do?

Stranger: I don't

You: You do.

You: You really do.

Stranger: No I don't ouuu I would fuck the life out youuu

You: You do. Saying shit like "I would fuck the life out of you" proves it.

Stranger: But what you wanna tb

You: I wanna talk about your low self-esteem.

Stranger: Bet it up shorty

You: Or is it that your self-esteem is so high that you're afraid of lil' ol' me?

Stranger: And you must have problems about how you feel about yourself to be judging meee.😁

You: I'm living my best life.

Stranger: Who afraid of you bitch becuas I definitely am tf not

Stranger: Yea

You: Calling someone names in an argument really lowers your personality points.

Stranger: IDGAF 🤣

You: Yeah you do.

Stranger: Personality points🙄

Stranger: Yo ass is evil I like that😏😏

You: Then again, you were already at zero points, so now you're at negative-go-fuck-yourself points.

You: I take pleasure in reading that you like the evil in me.

Stranger: I get off on that😋😏

You: I bet you masturbate to CBT porn

Stranger: Evil is attractive

Stranger: To me

You: Good thing I'm not gonna ever see you in my life.

Stranger: And you got it written all over youuuu🥺😌

Stranger: See evil asl I luvvvv it

Stranger: Keep thinking positive baby

You: Good thing I don't 'luvvvv' you.

Stranger: Oh no that is luv not love

Stranger: Different meanings😘

You: Ah, luv is a pervert's version of love.

Stranger: Prostitute ass bitch stop hateing yo ass is insecure

Stranger: Fr🤣

Stranger: Just talk to me girlll😒

You: If I was a prostitute, I wouldn't be on here.

Secondly, you're insecure for thinking that I'm hating on you.

Stranger: Ik you are hahaha

You: I'm laughing so hard...

Stranger: I'm not thinking ik you are

Stranger: Go head laugh it up

You: You really think I'm laughing at your jokes?

I'm laughing at your insecurites.

You: insecurities*

Stranger: Bitch you pissing me off😒

Stranger: No I am not .

You: Good.

If you want me to stop, then talk to a fucking homosexual, you homophobe.

Stranger: Just talk normal

Stranger: Daum

You: This is my normal talk.

Stranger: Why you gotta constantly be tb sum gay or judging realshit girl if that was regular talk you gotta find better things to tb

Stranger: Wyd rn??

You: Talking to a dumbass.

Stranger: Here you go again bitch😍😂I do kinda luv that lil additude

You: I talk about great things, I just get ticked off when guys think they can treat girls like toys for their sex.

You: You think you can belittle me?

Stranger: Lmao and who is doing that??

You: You're really out here... on some fucking crack or something,

Stranger: Who is belittle you I was gon treat you good like fr b4 you started calling me names and judging you little bitch so don't think shit sweet

Stranger: Wasn't even belittle you but I'ma do it now because you brought it up so...

You: I don't care if you hate me. You're a stranger on the internet who is getting mad for some girl on Omegle.com talking shit.

Stranger: I'm not mad

Stranger: Lmaooo

Stranger: You think you getting to me naww

Stranger: Don't trip

You: I wish that were true.

You're struggling with your fragile masculinity, so you hide behind this persona of bravery and cockiness.

Stranger: Your funny tho fr

You: Learn to spell, numbnuts

Stranger: You were struggling with your masculinity who TF says that shit

You: Me.

Stranger: Your the first person I ever heard say that

You: Because no one else is like me.

Stranger: But shorty I wasn't tryna belittle you I wasn't tryna fuck nun of day I was just tryna make sum friends lmao

You: Well this 'shorty' will not be your friend simply because you have a small penis and you're afraid of me.

Stranger: I'm not afraid of you and my dick ain't small!

You: Prove it.

Stranger: How girl

You: Act like a big dick dude and prove you're not afraid.

Stranger: Girl Ik I'm not scared of youu

Stranger: .🤣

Stranger: I thought you ain't want no dick?

You: Prove you're not scared of me.

Also, I said I didn't want YOUR dick.

Stranger: Come grab this mfka then

You: What is there to grab?

Stranger: Slobber it all down😍

Stranger: Ykyk

You: I can't touch something non-existent.

Stranger: Yeah let's go ahead and play this game🤣

Stranger: Girl yk I got dickk

You: Act like it then.

Stranger: Don't even try to act like you dont.

You: Don't have a dick or don't want your micro-penis?

Stranger: I got dick promise ya girl😘

You: Well, stop calling me 'girl', firstly and then I'll consider believing you.

Stranger: What's your name here I'll treat you better

You: It's fucking Bob. I'm not telling you my name.

Stranger: Wow

Stranger: Girl

Stranger: Evil🥰🥰I luvvv it

You: No. Just staying private.

Stranger: It's okay I'm julian

You: You're very trusting.

Stranger: Thx

You: That's not good.

Stranger: You think I'm trustworthy that what you saying

Stranger: You bi polar huh

You: No. I'm saying you trust people too easily.

Also, no. I'm just blunt.

Stranger: I like it fr tho I think you is bi polar you be getting mad at me for no reasonnn

Stranger: Who said I trust?

You: I'm laughing. I'm not mad.

Stranger: I trust no one🤫

Stranger: Me too

You: What part of Arizona do you live in?

So I can maim you/

You: .*

Stranger: You in phx

You: Why would I tell you that?

Stranger: No I just don't give 2 fucxks what you gon do kill me?😂🙃

Stranger: Aint nobody onnat

You: If that's what it takes to get you to leave this conversation, then yes.

Stranger: If I meet up wit these bitches nun of them gon have me worried nun of them are gon press me

Stranger: .

Stranger: What's your issue nowww😭😭😭🤣

Stranger: You be having me rolling istg🤣

You: Just give up. You aren't going to win this battle. You're an issue and I'm losing brain cells listening to your grammar and incessant rambling.

Stranger: Bitch come suck my dick

Stranger: Idc

Stranger: Idc

You: No, I don't think I will.

Stranger: Thought you wanted dick?

You: Not yours.

Stranger: All you bitched want my dick🤫

You: Your dick is small. I asked you to prove that you even had a penis by acting like it. Are you fucking brainless?

Stranger: I got drug dealer swag baby I can give to fucs what you think bout me

Stranger: 😘

You: Ah, so you give me a reason to get you incarcerated?

Stranger: Bitch we anonymous

You: True, but I have my ways.

Stranger: You don't wanna take it their fr

You: I should probably head out before I become braindead. It wasn't nice talking to you.

Stranger: Like realshit

You: 'Kay, bye~

Stranger: Why you leaving

You: Because you're dumb. Why else?

Stranger: Okay I guess

Stranger: Could've had sum dick girl but...

Stranger: You ain't want nu

You: I'm a lesbian.

You have disconnected

[realtalk-tj]

Do any of you know how different WM is compared to UVA? I cant go too far so work wise and grade wise which school is harder? i honestly hate tj rn, and cant quit so i dont wanna go to another tj. i heard WM has more grade deflation compared to UVA, but dont all colleges have grade deflation? I like a more public atmosphere (I like uva better) but idk if im gonna get in lol. so in terms of workload, grades, and testing and just stress, how different are these 2 colleges? is WM harder than UVA?

Response From Fleur:

Hey so ima post here instead of on your other answer. 

I would look at the niche and college confidential websites for a comparison of the two schools. There are many student reviews of them. 

Personally, when I talk to people from UVA who take premed classes, they all seem really stressed and like they’re constantly doing things and have little free time. Pre med classes are typically the more challenging and time consuming classes you’re going to find on a college campus though regardless of what college you go to. Beyond the little bits of what I’ve heard, there’s not much at all we can say on this other than pointing you in the direction of the opinions of the students who go to those schools :) If you were to visit the schools, that would be a good time to ask questions to the people there. I’d even make a list of all the pertinent questions you want answers to before going. I’d also ask students about grade deflation. Grade deflation means that only very few people who put in a lot of effort and learn a lot can get As in the class. Typical things you’ll see with grade deflation are curve grading, weed-out type classes, high student stress, low student self-esteem, and lower GPAs than people at other colleges.

Thankfully, not all colleges have the grade deflation you find at TJ. My college doesn’t have a grade deflation issue, which is why I decided to attend. If I want an A, it’s typically attainable with a ton of hard work. I was so annoyed by the idea of going to another TJ that not having a grade deflation issue was essential for me in the college admissions process. That doesn’t mean that my college wasn’t stressful af at times and a huge challenge, but not having grade deflation helped. Grade deflation really messed with my mind at TJ, and I’m glad to be rid of it for now.