#my therapist doesn’t know what to do with me lmao

[archersartcorner]

A WIP of a comic thingy I’m workin on cus I’m impatient. Sometimes you have an OC who’s specifically there to be inserted into universes where Your Blorbo Needs A Therapist. Doc Laanka’s got her work cut out for her with these two…

… kinda.

[moonjade]

There is something so dystopian about having to apply for financial aid because you can’t afford to pay your hospital bill 🙃

[tiredsadpeach]

So far no new updates for the friend drama except he tweeted something about being a bad person (it was right after I tweeted something mundane so I assume it was about being mad at me still) and his bf replied that he wasn’t a bad person which is hilarious to me ngl

[lovelyney]

─────DATING THEM !! SUMERU GUYS───────

CHARACTERS: al haitham, cyno, kaveh, tighnari

SCENT: headcanons

WARNINGS: suggestive themes on all of them, LOL.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯2023 !! #©LOVELYNEY

꒱₊˚ 𝐀𝐋 𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐌 !! 𝐀𝐃𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

𖠵𝟎𝟏: Literally a grouchy old man, LMAO. And I’m not just saying this because of his hair ‹/3

𖠵𝟎𝟐: Almost nobody believed you when you said you were dating Haitham ‹/3 Merely because people thought of him as seeing relationships as a “waste of his time.”

oh, did he prove them wrong as he walked up behind you and kissed your cheek, eyes boring through the back of their heads.

𖠵𝟎𝟑: Kaveh didn’t believe him for a second when he said he had a s/o; he had to meet you in person for him to accept it.

“You must be, (NAME). I can’t believe you’re actually real and not some imaginary person Al Haitham made up to make himself feel better. Archons, you’re pretty too. Are you being hypnotized? Forced, maybe?”

“You are testing every last drop of my patience, Kaveh.”

𖠵𝟎𝟒: Incredibly sassy and cocky; he purposefully gets on your nerves, LMAO.

𖠵𝟎𝟓: Acts like your overly strict parent rather than your boyfriend sometimes ‹/3

𖠵𝟎𝟔: He isn’t a very touchy person (if at all), however, he doesn’t necessarily mind if you cling to him.

an exception to this is if he’s around other people like Cyno or Dehya. not because he’s ashamed of you or anything, he just rather keep his cool guy persona up and not get teased, LOL.

𖠵𝟎𝟕: Gives you his cape without any hesitation whenever you get scared or cold ‹3

𖠵𝟎𝟖: “Baby/babe,” “darling,” and “bluebell.”

❝ Oh, welcome back, bluebell. How did your meeting go? I saw you were talking with Cyno. What? No, of course, I’m not jealous. I just don’t trust him with you—both because of our rivalry and because of how. . . enchanting you are. It’s natural for him to want to steal you from me. ❞

𖠵𝟎𝟗: He doesn’t get jealous very often since his trust in you runs strong.

𖠵𝟏𝟎: (↑) However, he will get impatient if you’re not giving him your full-blown attention when he wants it, LMAO.

𖠵𝟏𝟏: Flirts with you with literally no shame—doesn’t matter when or where.

𖠵𝟏𝟐: Acts annoyed whenever he has to get you out of trouble, but he doesn’t really mind; he’s just worried you’re going to get yourself seriously hurt one of the times.

𖠵𝟏𝟑: Often pulls you in his lap whenever he’s reading or studying something—letting you fumble with one of his hands as he continues doing whatever.

𖠵𝟏𝟒: God forbid anyone hurts you or says something bad. He will either obliterate them or humiliate them horribly.

𖠵𝟏𝟓: Whenever he goes to hold your hand, he’ll always bring his lips to your inner wrist ‹3

𖠵𝟏𝟔: Let’s say you were with him and Aether when traversing to Aeru Village when Cyno tried to uh. . . ambush him. He immediately pushed you behind him.

“Haitham, stop glaring at Cyno. I’m sure he didn’t expect me to be there.”

“He could’ve seriously hurt you, (NAME). That is a matter I do not take lightly, and you know that.”

𖠵𝟏𝟕: Always has his hand resting on you (mostly on your thigh) when you two are in a meeting.

𖠵𝟏𝟖: You’ve had a few encounters where people selling Canned Knowledge tried to threaten you for Haitham’s whereabouts, and boy when he finds out, he is far from pleased.

𖠵𝟏𝟗: Listen,,,, LISTEN. He probably fucks you in Kaveh’s bed, LMAO.

𖠵𝟐𝟎: He says he helped out for “his own personal reasons.” However, when he found out what the Akademiya was doing, his thoughts wandered to you and how you were doing.

𖠵𝟐𝟏: Probably tugs on your lower lip when he pulls away from kissing you.

𖠵𝟐𝟐: He’s a tad emotionally constipated ‹/3 Try to be patient with him.

𖠵𝟐𝟑: Arguments with him are a pain in the ass cause he thinks he knows everything 😑Bitch, maybe you should know a therapist.

he’s also one try to provoke and make you flustered in arguments.

꒱₊˚ 𝐂𝐘𝐍𝐎 !! 𝐉𝐔𝐃𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐒

𖠵𝟎𝟏: Cyno is quite literally your personal bodyguard ‹/3

𖠵𝟎𝟐: God, you two definitely play TCG together !! Your first few games, he tried so hard to go easy on you, LMAO; man’s is competitive ‹/3

after that. . . however, he uses that as an excuse whenever you beat his ass; LMAO.

“How did you so effortlessly wipe out my perfect deck? What do you know that I don’t?”

“Cyno, I love you, but maybe your ‘perfect’ deck isn’t so perfect if you keep losing.”

“I—I told you. . . I just was going easy on you this time. I don’t normally play like this.”

“Yeah, that sounds just as believable as all the other 10 times you’ve said it.”

𖠵𝟎𝟑: He was initially so awkward around you; Tighnari had to be his wingman because he quite literally wouldn’t get anywhere without his guidance, LMAO.

𖠵𝟎𝟒: Another one where people didn’t believe that you were dating him; he came behind them and was like “🤨”

𖠵𝟎𝟓: Looks out for you 24/7 !! His mom-boyfriend mode turns on whenever you get in his line of vision, LMAO.

𖠵𝟎𝟔: Always questions if you’re taking proper care of yourself; he will not have you neglecting yourself in any way, shape, or form.

“(NAME) you haven’t moved from this spot since I’ve left—that was four hours ago. Have you eaten at all? No? I figured as much; now, come on and get up. I’m making food and you’re putting down that paper.”

𖠵𝟎𝟕: When you first met Al Haitham, you literally thought Cyno was going to start barking with how he guarded you.

HAITHAM: “Oh? You must be Cyno’s significant other, (NAME), right? Hm, it’s nice to finally meet you. I’m Al Haitham, your boyfriend’s assassination target. I’m sure he’s told you about me.”

“Why in all of Teyvat would I mention anything of you to (NAME)? Given that I'm in love with them, I'd rather not drive them mad by discussing you with them.”

𖠵𝟎𝟖: Definitely teaches some of his intimidation and fighting techniques to you so that you can properly protect yourself.

𖠵𝟎𝟗: “Doll,” “(sweet) dove,” and “love/love-bug.”

❝ Oh? Welcome back, dove. How come you look so worn out? Did someone give you trouble on your way back? Oh, you don’t say. Did you apply some of the techniques I told you? Yeah? Heh, that’s my girl/boy. ❞

𖠵𝟏𝟎: Always keeps a watchful eye on you wherever he goes, especially on the more dangerous missions you set out on.

𖠵𝟏𝟏: Similar to Haitham, people normally steer clear of messing with you because you’re the General Mahamatra’s s/o, but also will purposely do so because of that reason.

“They did what to you? You’re kidding. . . Doll, you don’t happen to remember how they look, do you? Or the direction they went in? In no way am I letting this go unpunished. They can threaten me all they like, but getting you involved is crossing the line with me.”

𖠵𝟏𝟐: Whenever he’s working on paperwork, he’ll always pull you on his lap without second thought—absentmindedly drumming his fingers against your thigh when he’s deep in thought.

𖠵𝟏𝟑: He loves your fingers through his hair ‹3 Especially when you slightly scratch his scalp—it’s one of the things that truly relaxes him.

𖠵𝟏𝟒: Thrives in intimate moments between you two ‹3 I mean bathing together, make-out sessions, sex.

𖠵𝟏𝟓: I can see him being a jealous/possessive type. ESPECIALLY if you’re laughing at the person’s jokes. that sets off a fire in him he never knew he had.

sometimes he’ll actually just walk up to you, grab your hand, and drag you away from whoever you’re talking to. and sneak you away into an alleyway to make out with you.

𖠵𝟏𝟔: He will so nonchalantly say things that fluster you and then act confused why you’re so red.

“Love? Why did you grow so quiet all of the sudden? Did I say something wrong?”

“Cyno, you literally just said if it weren’t for everyone being here, you’d have me pushed against the wall.”

𖠵𝟏𝟕: Loves whenever you’re sleeping on top of him; he relishes in your body heat.

𖠵𝟏𝟖: Always grabs your chin before kissing you; if he wants to kiss you, he’s kissing you, LMAO.

he's a strangely good kisser. . . he's rough with his kisses, but he's also incredibly passionate with them.

𖠵𝟏𝟗: Very awkward when he’s comforting you; the one thought that sticks to his mind is: “who dare hurt the only one love? I swear on Lessor Lord Kusanali, they will receive the most cruelest judgment.”

𖠵𝟐𝟎: Loves whenever you’re working out in the desert so he can see you all sweaty.

𖠵𝟐𝟏: Has a weird adoration for your shoulder blades and collarbone; it’s where he loves to leave his marks.

𖠵𝟐𝟐: Always slips his cape around your shoulders whenever you fall asleep on him or while you’re working.

𖠵𝟐𝟑: If your legs are tired after walking for a while, you can guarantee Cyno will carry you the way back 😭 (Mom, I love him, can I pls have his hand in marriage.)

𖠵𝟐𝟒: Surprisingly clingy, in public and not. he doesn’t really care what people think of him, so he’ll love on you as he wishes.

𖠵𝟐𝟓: (↑) One of his favorites is holding your hand !! He loves how soft and small yours feels compared to his.

𖠵𝟐𝟔: Always gives you a kiss before he or you leaves (: Doesn’t matter who’s in the room.

“(Sighs.) Be careful out there, okay, doll? I love you.”

HAITHAM: “How disgustingly sweet…”

“At least someone loves me, Al Haitham.”

HAITHAM: “…excuse me?”

𖠵𝟐𝟕: His favorite places to kiss you is your collarbone, the backs of your hands, and your neck.

𖠵𝟐𝟖: Smiles against your lips whenever he kisses you and HDJDJDKD.

𖠵𝟐𝟗: He is a great secret keeper !! and he's also very non-judgmental. He'll take whatever you say to him to his grave.

𖠵𝟑𝟎: Also a wonderful person to gossip too because he always has a stoic expression, lol.

𖠵𝟑𝟏: Incredibly cheesy and stupid pickup lines </3 Tighnari prays for you every day.

꒱₊˚ 𝐊𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐇 !! 𝐄𝐌𝐏𝐘𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐍 𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐋𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

𖠵𝟎𝟏: An incredibly dramatic hopeless romantic. (Me, LMAO.)

𖠵𝟎𝟐: A literal koala when it comes to you; he’s attached to your hip 24/7 when he’s available. Al Haitham questions your taste in men. (He’s secretly happy that Kaveh’s so happy with you.)

𖠵𝟎𝟑: Would probably do anything and everything for you ?? He’s literally like a lost puppy dog without you.

𖠵𝟎𝟒: You’re number one gossip partner !! He loves to gossip, but he always promises to keep whatever you say to him in between the two of you.

𖠵𝟎𝟓: A big cuddle bug !! Especially after work or in the earlier mornings. It’s nearly impossible to pry him off you in the mornings. . .

𖠵𝟎𝟔: Likes to hug you from behind whenever you cook. That way he can smell the delicious food and relish in your warmth.

𖠵𝟎𝟕: “Angel,” “baby/babe,” “mi amor/amor,” “my love/love,” “sweetheart” and probably like a thousand more.

❝(NAME)! Thank the dendro archon, you’re here! You won’t believe the attitude Al Haitham gave me today! I told him how we started dating, and get this. . . He didn’t believe me! Can you believe that? So, therefore, I’m taking you to meet him tomorrow to prove it! Then we’ll see who’s laughing now!❞

𖠵𝟎𝟖: Needs reassurance that he’s enough for you.

𖠵𝟎𝟗: Kisses everywhere !! His favorite places are right beneath your ears, the inside of your wrists and of course, your lips.

𖠵𝟏𝟎: (↑) A feisty kisser !! He can get needy after long times without seeing you. (Deeper kisses, hands clutching you a bit more tightly, whining.)

𖠵𝟏𝟏: Get’s jealous prettyyy easily. . . Especially if it’s around Al Haitham or anyone he thinks is better than him ☹️

“Hey! Find your own lover to hit on, jackass! This one’s mine!”

𖠵𝟏𝟐: (↑) If the flirting or stares are continuous, he’ll beg you to let him mark you just so that it’s something when he’s not there. With enough puppy eyes and begging, you’ll let him. . .

𖠵𝟏𝟑: Loves making out with you. He also can’t keep his hands off you no matter what. His hands are always busy when he’s kissing you.

𖠵𝟏𝟒: Dreams about the day where he gets to design his and your baby’s room. ☹️☹️☹️☹️.

𖠵𝟏𝟓: Likes to drag you to the group’s TCG hangouts. They don’t mind, not unless he won’t shut up about you or is showing immense amounts of PDA. 😭😭

𖠵𝟏𝟔: (↑) Speaking of PDA. . . He loves it, especially if you’re the one to initiate it.

𖠵𝟏𝟕: Tries to hide it, but he gets super worried about you when you’re not around. . . One of his biggest fears is losing you.

꒱₊˚ 𝐓𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐈 !! 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐑

𖠵𝟎𝟎: I love this sassy fox sm omg 😡😡

𖠵𝟎𝟏: As I just said, Tighnari is incredibly sassy, LMAO. He was when you first met; he is now when you two are dating ‹/3 although his sass is more manifested in a loving way towards you.

𖠵𝟎𝟐: He lives to tease you—both flirtatiously and not. He loves to watch your expression shift and face flush.

𖠵𝟎𝟑: Fennec foxes mate for life, so there’s no escaping him when you’re together ‹/3

𖠵𝟎𝟒: Will always subconsciously wrap his tail around your waist or thigh whenever you’re standing close to him.

𖠵𝟎𝟓: (↑) Whenever you’re going out somewhere, he’ll always brush his tail against you multiple times; it’s his way of scenting you.

𖠵𝟎𝟔: Flirty !! Like surprisingly flirty—and like Cyno, he doesn’t do it without much thought. He loves to see your face redden because of his comments.

𖠵𝟎𝟕: Obviously, being best friends with Collei !! You always spend lots of time with her whenever he’s being petty—which is all the time 🙄

𖠵𝟎𝟖: Speaking of Collei, she thinks you two are the cutest together ): She loves asking him or you how you two are doing !! You’ve basically adopted her.

𖠵𝟎𝟗: Brings you home lots of different jewels or plants from the expeditions he goes on, then gives you an entire lecture on what type is it and how to take care of it 😭😭

𖠵𝟏𝟎: “Cutie,” “(little) kit,” “(my) butterfly,” “(my) flower,” “rose/rosebud,” “sunflower,” or “sweetheart.”

❝ You’re finally back. . . Where exactly have you been all day, rosebud? Hm? With Collei, you say? And you didn’t care to tell me? You had me worrying like a madman all day, you lummox! Don’t roll your eyes at me! You know how much I love and care about you. Don’t play dumb with me, kit. I make my love for you very apparent, do I not? ❞

𖠵𝟏𝟏: Any stupid decision or antic you make is never unnoticed by Tighnari, LMAO. He’ll always give you a 10-minute lecture as he’s bandaging you. he is your mom-boyfriend.

𖠵𝟏𝟐: Despite his sarcastic nature, it’s apparent to anyone in Gandhara Ville how his voice softens when talking to you or how his ears always perk at the mention of your name ‹3

𖠵𝟏𝟑: He loves speaking of your accomplishments to others !! As I said, he is your mom-boyfriend 🫶🫶

CYNO: “So, how’s (NAME) doing? You haven’t talked them to death, have you?”

“Oh, (NAME)? They’re doing alright, I believe. Did they tell you that they finally perfected their flower revival process? Gosh, they’ve been trying for months, and they finally got it just last week. The joy in their eyes as they showed me was unmatchable, Cyno. And…” doesn’t stop talking for 10 minutes.

𖠵𝟏𝟒: He’s very clingy in the mornings !! He’ll latch onto you and won’t let you go until he himself gets up.

𖠵𝟏𝟓: You’re the only one privileged to pet his ears and tail !! He even lets you brush them !! He thinks your focused expression is oh-so-cute ‹3

𖠵𝟏𝟔: Goes on high alert whenever he smells another guy’s scent on you.

𖠵𝟏𝟕: Purrs whenever you scratch at the base of his ears; he melts right into your arms.

𖠵𝟏𝟖: Hates seeing you upset because he feels incredibly helpless ): Especially if you’re fighting against your own emotions and/or thoughts.

𖠵𝟏𝟗: Adores leaving marks on places that’re visible to the public eye. He hates sharing you but bares with it by marking his territory (you.)

𖠵𝟐𝟎: Takes really good care of you when you’re sick, having the best remedies and making the best food; however, he will not shut up—tread carefully, LOL.

𖠵𝟐𝟏: Being a respectful person, he won’t normally result to violence if he hears someone disrespecting you. He will humiliate them in every way he can, though.

“What did I hear you say about (NAME)? That they’re talentless, correct? Did you know they can completely bring plants back to life? No, of course, you didn’t. And what have you done, hm? Didn’t you mistake poison ivy for mint leaves one time? Would you like me to recite that incident word for word for you? No? Then I’d advise you to keep my lover’s name out of your mouth.”

𖠵𝟐𝟐: He’s very patient with you !! If you’re struggling with something, he will go over it with you as many times as you’d like.

𖠵𝟐𝟑: Likes to take you with on his ranger’s duties so you can’t get yourself hurt. Or so that nobody can get too close to you.

𖠵𝟐𝟒: He’s the type to get angry at you whenever you put yourself in danger—his worry of losing you manifests into anger.

𖠵𝟐𝟓: Whenever he senses danger, his tail will wrap around your waist and he’ll pull you closer against his side.

𖠵𝟐𝟔: Protects and guards you as if you were his actual kit.

𖠵𝟐𝟕: Loves to hold your hand whenever you two are out—giving it a gentle tug if you were to wander too far from his side.

𖠵𝟐𝟖: Whenever he teaches you archery, he’ll always kiss your cheek before pulling away from you, laughing if you were to get flustered and mess up.

𖠵𝟐𝟗: He acts kinda blandly whenever receiving gifts from you, but he guards them with his life 😭 He finds it really cute whenever you bring him something that reminded you of him.

𖠵𝟑𝟎: Since his days are usually spent patrolling the forests and researching, he tries to make every date of yours count and perfect; he feels guilty he isn’t with you very often.

𖠵𝟑𝟏: If you’re resting on him while he’s working, he will do everything he can to ensure you stay asleep—glaring at anyone who’s being too noisy.

𖠵𝟑𝟐: Before you nap or go to sleep, he’ll always make your bed and fluff up the pillows to make sure you rest comfortably ‹3

𖠵𝟑𝟑: Has a dedicated notebook filled with stuff about you: your likes, dislikes, habits, etc.

[cameronspecial]

I saw you were looking for some angst ideas lmao

So rafe and reader are together. Loves her more than life but his addiction gets in the way of that. One night they have a fuming argument and she doesn’t talk to him for a few days. He then makes a plan for them to talk about it somewhere private at nighttime, but when she shows up he’s not there. She waits for him for a while then she gets attacked by the rafes dealers because he owes them money and she was the next bet. Rafe finds her and he’s freaking out but she won’t let him near her and she blames him. You can choose how this ending goes or if you even want to write this but this has been on my mind

You Deserve Better

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Reader

Warnings: Drug Use, Swearing, Stabbing, Blood, and Death

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 2.1K

Masterlist

The centre of Rafe’s life wasn’t always the white powder that tumbled around the little Ziploc bag that lined his pockets. His centre is supposed to snort or wheeze a little whenever she laughs, refusing to use her inhaler because she doesn’t want to embarrass him. It will stay up past her bedtime because she is in a flow with her work. His sun crosses her eyeballs whenever he presses a kiss on her nose because she knows it would make him chuckle. Y/N Y/L/N used to be his rock and now, all because of an accident, she isn’t anymore. That is something not a lot of people know. They assume his addiction started because he was a bored rich kid who had the money to spare. However, in reality, it began with a torn ACL. One wrong shift of his leg and his football career was over. At first, the oxycodone was only to manage the pain from the ACL surgery. He had the hope that he could recover the way he needed to get back on the field, but then the news came that he wasn’t progressing the way his doctor wanted… That was when the problem started, suddenly the drug he was taking to help ease his physical pain became the one to take away his mental pain too. The pain of not being able to play football. The pain of missing out. The pain of not knowing where his life was going.

Don’t get him wrong, Y/N was by his side the whole time, except a person can’t be everything to someone else and he needed a therapist. He just wasn’t ready to admit that. It was only when he stopped being prescribed oxycodone that he turned to cocaine to fill the mental hole the prescription used to be for.

———

Rafe’s blown pupils are hidden by his eyelids as he lies back on the couch. Y/N is still out with her friends, so he isn’t sleeping. Not when she is not at home. The front door opening and closing makes him jerk forward. His eyelids are just a sliver because the light from the ceiling is too bright for him. Her footsteps approach the living room and the large sigh she lets out makes her arrival known. “You didn’t do the dishes,” she states, her hand resting on her jut-out hip. “And the hole in the hallway is still there.” Yesterday, Rafe, in a high state, accidentally made a hole in the wall when trying to put up a picture frame for her. He promised her before she left for work this morning that he would get what he needed to fix it this morning and in the afternoon, he would fix it. However, before he could get himself to the store, he saw a post from one of his old football teammates, who went pro and he spiralled. 

He doesn’t mean to roll his eyes, yet it happens and this causes her to let out another huff. “I didn’t get a chance to go to the store,” he grumbles like he didn’t care. He really did though. He wanted to be able to do something that simple for the girl who meant everything to him, except his mind seemed to disagree with his heart. It is easier to pretend it doesn’t bother him. Her eyes narrow in on the residue of powder on their coffee table, “Let me guess, you got your nose caught up in some business. Rafe, you promised me you wouldn’t do that shit at home.” He can’t keep looking at the way tears start to appear because he knows how worried she gets when he does drugs, always scared he might overdose. He looks anywhere but at her. “Don’t get on my ass about this again Y/N. You don’t know what I am dealing with,” he argues.

“I don’t and that’s the problem. You need to talk to someone about how you are feeling because you are going to put yourself in an early grave if you keep doing what you are doing now.”

“Seriously, we are going to argue about this again because I didn’t do the dishes or fix a little hole in the wall.”

“No, we are going to argue about it because you aren’t the man I fell in love with anymore and I don’t think if I can do this anymore. I want to be by your side to help you get better but if you don’t want to, then I don’t know if I can be here forever.”

Her words hit his ears at the same intensity as they would if he were sitting next to an airplane engine. They had arguments about his sobriety so many times before, yet those fights always had the underlying understanding that she would be there to help him. She never once mentioned the possibility of her leaving him because she truly did want to help him find his sobriety. His mouth falls open to talk. No words come out. How can he possibly swear that he wants to get better when he isn’t at the self-realization point in his journey? She takes the silence as an admittance that getting clean isn’t on his mind. “I need some time apart. I’m going to sleep at Deliah’s place tonight,” she informs, turning to leave. He doesn’t stop her; he wants to give her the space she needs in hopes that she realizes she can hold on for a little bit longer. The only word he can respond with is “Okay”, right before she closes the door behind her. 

———

She hasn’t answered any of his texts and calls. Her night of taking some space turned into a week and it is driving him crazy. Her non-existence return may have to do with his unwillingness to agree to go to a therapist. After the thousandth attempt at calling her, she finally answers the call. “Normally, when a person doesn’t pick up the call, it means they don’t want to talk to you.” He lets out an internal sigh, “I know, I just need to talk to you. Please, can we meet at our spot, Sunshine?” She could never resist the usage of his nickname for her. “Okay, meet me there in an hour,” she agrees. The call drops right after her response and he gives himself a small smile. Not only does he get to see her again, he gets to try to get her back. 

———

By the time she realizes she is being followed, she is alone under the bleachers, where she and Rafe used to spend their time in high school. It was where they found themselves when they didn’t feel like going to class or they needed to get away from the chaos after his team won a game. It was the place she fell in love with him in because even before they were dating when they were just friends, it was their spot. She spins around at the sound of grass being pressed down by a set of feet, ready to scold him for being late. It isn’t Rafe as she expected; instead, an average-height man with a dangerous air that scares her. The gleam behind his eyes tells her the bald man is up to no good, which is confirmed when he pulls out the hunting knife from his hoodie pocket. She steps back in an attempt to get away from him, but her back hits against a metal beam. The man rushes toward her and presses the sharp edge against the soft skin of her neck. “Your boy owes me money and since he is taking too long to get it back to me, I thought I would hold onto something precious to him until I get what I want,” the man explains with a wicked grin. She refuses to show him fear and looks him dead in the eyes, “Rafe’s dealer is Barry so I have no idea what you are talking about.” “He stopped going to Barry because Barry started getting on his case about how much he is using,” the male growled, not enjoying the bite to her bark. She chuckles like a maniac, “When Rafe comes, he is going to beat your ass.” “Shut up, Bitch.” Angered by his words, her knees find their target between his legs. 

He lets out a howl and doubles over in pain. She uses this as her opportunity to attempt an escape, trying to run past him. Unfortunately, he reaches out to stop her and this results in the blade driving into her abdomen. A gasp passes her lips, causing the dealer to look in her direction. “Shit.” His eyes bloom open and immediately begins to pull it out. “No. Don’t pu-,” she warns, except it is too late. The weapon is already out and he is running toward the exit. She hunches forward and stumbles back against the beam, pressing her hand to her stomach to keep from bleeding out, feeling as though she has been punched. Calling 911 seems to be the logical answer; however, when she goes for her phone, she finds it broken on the floor. She thinks about going to her car and is stopped by the feeling of even more blood gushing out of the wound as she tries to push off the beam. It doesn’t hurt as much as she thought it would. 

“Sunshine,” rings through her ears. Her dizziness makes it difficult to focus on the speaker, yet she knows who it is based on the nickname. She slides down the beam because her legs lose all their strength. Rafe rushes to her side and kneels beside her. “Shit, Sunshine. It’s going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay. I’m going to call the police. They are going to fix everything,” his voice breaks as his hand joins hers to stop the flow of his blood. She can hear him relaying the information to the dispatcher, but her body is telling her something Rafe isn’t going to be ready to hear. He places his phone on the floor so both of his hands can press on her abdomen. “They’re coming, Sunshine, just hold on. I promise. I’ll be here the whole time.” Her handshakes as she raises to his cheek, staining it with her blood. Her tears water at the edge of her bottom eyelid, “I don’t think I’m going to make it.” His head shakes vigorously. “Don’t say tha-.” She cuts him off, “Can you please just listen to me?” He nods to let her continue. “It was your dealer. I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad. Just to make sure he gets arrested. But I need you to know that you are more than just your addiction and football. I know you don’t think so, but you are and if you just realize that, then you will see the man that I fell in love with.” “I don’t deserve that though. Look at all the shit I put you through. You deserve more than a druggie as a boyfriend,” he cries, holding her hand against his skin.

She smiles up at him, “You deserve more too. You deserve to be truly happy. You deserve to try to find a new purpose in life. I want that for you.” “How can I find all of that if you are gone?” he questions. Her breathing begins to become laboured, “You’ll find yourself and once you grieve, you’ll find someone who can help heal your broken heart. That’s how.”

“I don’t want anyone else. I just want you. Please, don’t go. Will you please stay if I promise to get sober?” 

“I will be with you every step of the way.”

The words tear his heart in two. He knows what it means. She truly doesn’t think she is coming out of this alive. “I want you to see me get better though. Please. Just hang on a little longer.” His tears cloud his vision. When he doesn’t hear a response, he wipes his eyes to get a closer look at her. The world goes dark at the sight of her glassy eyes only reflecting back his face with no recognition or life behind them. The rise and fall of her chest have stopped. The universe decides to answer his calls for help at a cruel moment as he hears the siren finally approach. There is no use in their hurry if the person who needs saving is the one to do it because Rafe isn’t going to let her last words die with her. He is going to get better, not only for her but for him too. He deserves more than a life of chasing his pain away with drugs and he is determined to achieve that.

Taglist: @winterrrnight @loves0phelia @thelomlisrafecameron @wickedlovely121 @thepatriarchykeychain @drewsmusee @starkowswife @maybankslover @forstarkey @loving-and-dreaming @magicalyoura

[xhoneygirlxx]

18+, minors shoo.

this is purely for personal reasons lmao.

One sentence, that’s all it took to end up in this position.

You’re on your back, the softness of sheets have now become soaked with sweat and other bodily fluids, knees to your chest, and arms above your head weighed down by Eddie’s strong grip.

He’s everywhere, invading all of your senses, taking up the space of all the thoughts you’ve been dying to get rid of.

“Make me forget”

It wasn’t a question, not even a request, but a demand. You needed this, needed out of your head and away from the horrible work week you’ve dealt with.

Life can become too much and despite what your therapist says a deep breath and meditation sometimes doesn’t work. So you went to the one and only person you knew could fix it, the one person who wouldn’t question you or make you think about your choices.

That’s how you ended up here, trapped under the weight of your boyfriend, whining at the brutal pace of his cock going in and out. He’s already pulled 2 releases from you, once with just his fingers and the other with his mouth, and currently he’s working on your third.

“My good fuckin’ girl, taking every single thing I give her.” Eddie pants harshly in your ear before biting down on the lobe causing you to cry out.

Pulling back, just enough to look down at you, he can’t help but smirk at the picture before him. The image of you on your back, glistening with sweat and lips shiny and red. He ogles your tits and how they bounce with every thrust.

God, you really are a pretty painting, it’s all for him and him only.

“S’it feel good, baby?” Eddie coos mockingly at you and even thought you want to say something to wipe off that cocky grin on his face, you just can’t.

You sob loudly, mangling words together with the slur of your speech. Your boyfriend can’t help but take pride in your current state, eyes hazy and unable to stay open with how drunk he has you on his cock.

“What was that? Are you that stupid, bunny? Jesus fuck-, huh? I got you that dumb just from my cock?”

Despite his confident words and degrading tone, Eddie himself is having a hard time from falling around. Even if you wanted to tease him back, tell him he’s just as fucked as you, the words simply won’t come out but it doesn’t matter when your body does all the talking.

You clench around him, squeezing him in like a vice grip and it’s pretty clear he gets the message by the way he growls.

“Shit keep doin’ that, bunny. Fuck you feel s’good, so fucking good. S’like you were made me for”

You both know he’s rambling now, trying everything in his power to last, but with the way his eyes roll into his head you both know it’s coming to an end.

Eddie however isn’t going to let up on a promise, no, he’s going to keep doing until you can’t even remember your own name. Slithering one of his hands between your bodies, his calloused fingers find your sensitive bundle of nerves and begins to rub tight circles.

“Eds I-“ You can’t even finish your sentence, your body too overwhelmed with the euphoric state you’ve been thrown into.

The sound of his balls slapping off of your ass mixed with the squelch of your cunt is all you can hear. His cock pounding to that one spot you never can reach on your own and his thick fingers circling your clit is all you can feel. Sex, sweat, and a hint of Eddie is all you can smell. The salty taste of your sweat and stray tears is all you can taste.

It’s too much while also being everything you ever wanted. It makes your heart race faster, tummy twist with a tingling fiery feeling, and you just know. In a matter of seconds you’re going to cum harder than you ever had in your entire life.

“There ya go, baby, just like that. Want you to cum for me, cum on my cock like the good girl I know you are.” Eddie strains to even say it, his own release at an arms length.

The command that falls from his lips gives you the push you needed, hurdling you right off the cliff straight into your orgasim.

Your body feels light like a feather, not even the shaking of your limbs can pull you out of the clouds. It’s only when Eddie’s body collapses on top of you that you’re brought back down to earth.

Ragged breaths, pounding hearts, and jelly like bones, you and your boyfriend sit in the afterglow for a few minutes to try and recalibrate your mind.

Leaning back slightly, mocha brown eyes peer up to you sweetly.

“How’s my girl feel?” He rasps as he studies your features.

You go to open your mouth, reassure him he kept his end of the bargain but the words won’t come out, tongue heavy and thick.

Although you can’t speak you can make noise, so you opt for the latter, moaning softly at the man. He only smiles at you, toothy and bright, before placing a sweet kiss on your lips.

“Mission accomplished.”

—

Let me have this, work has sucked and I don’t have a stress reliever lmao.

-

-

-

[the-floral-perspective]

General creepypasta headcannons!

Ft: Jeff the killer, Ben Drowned, Ticci Toby, Dr Smiley, Puppeteer, Bloody Painter, Masky, Hoodie, laughing Jack, Jason the toymaker, Homicidal Liu and Eyeless Jack

Warning: these are not romantic! These are general personality trait headcannons. Also, a lot of the pastas are good friends with Ben. Mentions of weed and alcohol.

Also I’m using my AU where the creepypastas only kill r8pists and Peds (I’ll just call it the vigilant AU.)

I’m also working on a micheal afton smut rn, so y’all will get that soon.

Jeff the killer

-The worst person to drink with, he’s absolutely ruthless when drunk. (Angry, annoying or horny, you don’t roll the dice. He does)

-has a vintage tea set that was Liu’s (he stole it when he turned)

-he’s the most brutal and crude creepypasta, but whenever he’s mad he’s really fuckin mad.

-Ohioan tbh

-IAED (intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder)

-I feel like when he’s not having an episode he’s pretty likable (he’s probably accidentally one of the funniest creeps)

-this fucker definitely talks to himself, I feel like he might also have OCD.

-pop not soda

-his mouth slits are not that prominent (like food doesn’t fall out of his mouth) and he has his eyelids

-his skin isn’t smooth??? Mf was literally burned, he’s covered with a lot of old slightly healed burn scars.

-his hair care is better because of Ben.

-getting Jeff and Masky pissed off at the same time they will angrily tag team you (not sexually… maybe sometimes.)

-Jeff is very romantically detached and romantically stupid. Like he doesn’t really get attraction that much and when he does he doesn’t know what to do about it.

Ben Drowned

-vapes just a little (blue raz)

-weirdly responsible over the rest of the creeps (hygiene wise, he’s very meticulous) he’s the weed dealer of the house, his room in the attic is the major “fuck-it-up-and-party” Room

-not that angry of a person, very lax and chill.

-the funnest creeps to smoke the greens with. He’s fr just so chill (he’s also very funny too, trust me he’s fun AF)

-Ben is the funniest pasta, but only because of his pathetic-ness. Like he makes a lot of cheesy jokes and rhymes, it makes the other pastas laugh because most the time he doesn’t intend it to be funny.

-chronic mimicker, like it’s bad. If anyone else talks or says a word slightly different suddenly it’s the only word he’ll say for a month straight.

-his eyes are constantly bleeding and it pisses him off

-human eyes are brown and his skin is slightly tan.

-he’s very horny all the time but with no release. He doesn’t crush on the pasta girls, nor does he watch porn. This mf writes his own personal fanfiction in a diary (that the creeps stole one night while drunk and read)

-he’s honestly one of the cleanest creepypastas. (And probably the most popular for them all, at least. He’s friends with everyone.)

-ADD nightmare and screamo music daydream.

-I feel like if he sang he’d sound like that one song ‘King for a Day’

Toby

-he’s a little dickhead, but relatively lovable. It’s just cause he’s cheeky and devilish.

-doesn’t smoke weed or drink.

-he’s very jealous of Liu and Jeff since because of his sisters death. He wishes that like Liu, his sister would arrive one day somewhat alive. (It never happens)

-ADHD and bipolar nightmare, has a slender therapist lmao.

-Toby doesn’t like Jeff that much for trying to kill Liu. Liu and Toby are friends because Liu reminds him of Lyra (his sister)

-Toby is also somewhat close with the women of the mansion rather then the men. He’s good friends with both Judge Angels and Jane. Clockwork and him aren’t close anymore as she went off on her own.

-he’s a really deep thinker, and surprisingly sentimental. Though not for his victims. Toby is harsh whenever he feels like it.

-he’s a relatively quiet person. He’s good friends with Ben and EJ. Toby also has a slow reaction to danger, he’s the least likely in the group to get scared by something.

-Toby had to get a slender therapist because of his last manic episode (he made up “creepypasta” while accidentally high one night on Ben’s computer in 2010 and the pastas haven’t trusted him with tech since.)

-he wanted to become a writer growing up.

Dr Smiley

-originally, I feel like Dr Smiley wanted to do good for people. I feel like he wanted to be a politician until he forcefully remembered how people are. He’s also really bad at medical stuff, go to EJ for that, not smiley.

-awful trust issues, he doesn’t trust a soul. Ironically, Smiley is one of the most social pastas. Reverse psychology babe.

-smiley is good at a lot of things, this man’s a fuckin prodigy.

-one of the first creepypastas to join the gang. Also one of the most polite.

-he’s really classy and only ever accidentally taken an edible (never again). Smiley trips out hard whenever high, it’s almost concerning.

-definitely has a small garden for herbs. He’s either seen killing, out in the garden, or in his medical room.

-a lot of the pastas are convinced smiley doesn’t sleep (no one has ever seen it, though Ben did capture one singular photo as proof and that is it)

-dr smiley is always left in charge whenever Slender has meetings (he only has to approve missions sent by the pastas.)

-as much as smiley is a prodigy, he’s awful in the kitchen. It’s kind of sad.

Puppeteer

-smooth, might as well call this fucker MJ.

-he always wins in arguments bc he’s so sly. Sort of a kleptomaniac and will gaslight you.

-called pup by most (not like a dog)

-always has his business in other peoples faces, but unlike Ben, he doesn’t get away with it.

-Puppet laughs a lot but doesn’t really talk. he’s also pretty good friends with Jane and Helen.

-one of the least organized pastas. His room is really messy and so is he. He cleans up after himself, but don’t go into his room.

-Major Depressive Disorder

-him and hoodie always get A+ on their duo assignments. Though the two of them aren’t that close, they’re hella good at working together.

-puppeteer isn’t classy at all. He drinks as soon as he wakes up, but in a Fiona Gallagher way.

-definitely watches Shameless. His top show rn. Binged the entirety in 3 days. Didn’t sleep whatsoever. (His fave character is V bc she’s hot)

Bloody Painter

-LOVES Hozier. Like actively buys tickets for his shows. Either hozier or The Hush Sound.

-the most visual mf you’ll ever meet. If he’s real comfortable he’d ramble for super fucking long (and gets annoyed when someone gets bored or questions him.)

-work first, people last. Helen really just focused on the next step in front rather than the whole timeline.

-beat the shit out of Toby for the accident of 2010. Though the two made up.

-mentally I think he’s…. Alright??? He’s one of those disturbingly quiet people, very hard to read. Though, turns out he’s just mute. Also has OCD

-he has a problem trusting himself and his thoughts (as most ppl with OCD do)

-very unhealed, Helen is very raw. Like his wounds are barely closed. Sometimes Helen is able to relax though and that’s only when he’s alone or possibly with Puppeteer.

-Helen makes sure he has no bad blood between any pasta. He’s worried hoodie doesn’t like him, though.

Masky

-staring problem, huge staring problem. resting bitch face too. Truthfully he’s never really annoyed much.

-insomniac with a touch of depression. He’s always super tired. Chronic eyebag haver.

-probably has thin silver glasses.

-loves sugary coffee and tea. Drinks basic white girl drinks 100%

-really good friends with Eyeless Jack and often helps him get more medical supplies.

-dare I say slight accent??? Not rlly an accent, but sounds like he’s from Tennessee. His moms def from New Jersey tho.

-Jewish heritage. He also watches a LOT of Rick and Morty with Ben.

-buys his weed from Ben to relax. He was forced to stop smoking by Hoodie and Sally. Weed is the next best thing.

-he’s really good at voice impressions but almost never does them unless he’s with Sally or Lazari.

-Masky is very depressed and unmotivated, so Puppeteer is usually around him a lot. Not that either of them care much.

Hoodie

-he’s literally mute. Also believe that he’s short too. Like 5’7.

-watches attack on Titan, his favorite character is Miche and Armin. Besides that, he doesn’t watch much anime.

-his room is covered in posters.

-Slendermans favorite, second to Dr Smiley.

-he loves 80’s music. The puppeteer does too, they listen together sometimes on missions.

-in love with Diet Pepsi and cool ranch Doritos.

-knows how to knit (don’t ask.) (he got high with Ben one time)

-come to think of it, everyone has went borderline insane smoking with Ben before. Hoodie has a picture book filled with their embarrassing high moments.

-hoodies room has a lot of spare notebooks and picture books. Don’t know why. All of them are individually organized. If you looked through them you’d go insane tho.

-worst handwriting in the entire mansion.

Laughing Jack

-he has a grudge against all cheeses. Like he fucking HATES cheese. Especially blue cheese.

-worst diet of the pastas. He eats like a 6 year old mixed with the Elf. Everything to him has to be sweet, if not then it has to be crunchy. Like chicken tenders, he can eat those, but that’s about it.

-secret genius because everyone thinks he’s stupid (when he’s really the instigator) the only person who’s caught onto this is Ben, but no one believes Ben.

-constantly humming.

-he hates TV and phones but likes music. Though if you put on bubble guppies or some shit, his brain would probably shut down.

-he’s constantly eating the floor, this mf is so clumsy.

-Jack riots a lot and starts plenty of petitions. Like when slender tried implementing a dinner time schedule, he petitioned for it to be gone because he didn’t want pasta. That one chipped at Slender’s nonexistent heart.

-he’s rebellious in nature and very horny. He’s constantly doing the most, very over the top whenever he likes someone.

-he hates Japanese horror films

Jason the toymaker

-he doesn’t turn his assignments into doll’s because they don’t deserve a second chance at life. Jason is one of the only pastas that kill normal people. The normal people are tortured and turned into dolls, his assignments are tortured and left to rot.

-Jason has an eye for fashion and has sewn a bunch of dresses for Sally. He also has a very high pitched giggle.

-tbh Jason listens to Kesha 100% it just scratches the spot

-he’s almost a horder. More than once did Slender have to expand Jason’s toy shop.

-hates all animals, there is not a single animal that he likes. (Though somehow, smiledog really likes him.) (Jason hates him but doesn’t harm him)

-he’s honestly such a priss, like fr. He’s always gossiping os judging. It’s funny though.

-he doesn’t really like much of the pastas. He likes Ben and sometimes LJ is cool, but aside from that he just doesn’t care about the rest much.

-he absolutely fucks up thin mints and raisin cookies. His fave food is probably a cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese tho tbh

Homicidal Liu

-Liu doesn’t really remember Jeff, but Sully does.

- Liu’s other systems are named Ajax and Diane, both of which are female.

-he really likes keeping up on YouTube drama and actively prays on downfalls.

-Liu’s best friend is definitely Toby or Zero. Aside from that he’s really closed off, he admires Slender too.

-Dissociative Identity Disorder.

-he definitely almost got on Zalgo’s side, but something (he doesn’t know what) pulled him to Slender more.

-least picky out of the creeps. He can stomach basically everything.

-he was one of those kids that had chronic ear infections, Liu constantly would have cotton balls in his ears Bc of this 😭

-Liu gets sick really easily, his immune system is NOT happy. Prob because he really likes spicy food but still.

-definitely 100% the best cook out of the pastas (with Ben being the best baker)

-Slendermans third favorite after Dr Smiley and hoodie.

-he’s honestly so homesick, but he doesn’t remember what for. Feels a strange connection to Jeff, but also almost hates him? He’s conflicted.

-serious victim of medical malpractice and medical abuse, he absolutely hates hospitals and anything to do with them.

Eyeless Jack

-used to write music in college before he turned. Also actually really sad about how his life ended.

-he’s good friends with Ben and Masky and surprisingly talkative. I felt like he almost whispers though.

-I also like to think that Jack is very musically inclined and the reason he went to medical school was so he could make bank in the future. His parents definitely didn’t want Jack to be a musician.

-so he can definitely play electric guitar and some piano (he tries and learns everyday)

-really bad at sports and awful sense of direction. He’s always lost. Ben usually has to fetch him once he goes out for missions.

-though I don’t think Jack being lost is all his fault, the path to the mansion changes every three hours and Jack leaves often for kidneys.

-he sees sally as a little sister and does a lot to make her happy.

[screampied]

heya! thank u for clicking this! pls read all so u can know about the blog. i am your host vegas—pronouns: she/they

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rules -> main page -> masterlist

[thestobingirlie]

future st characters’ jobs (and why)

kids:

dustin — middle school science teacher. i think he’d want to take after mr. clarke, and he’s the one that parrots his phrases more than the other kids, so i just feel like it fits. i think he’d enjoy teaching others.

lucas — nasa scientist. he has pictures of astronauts in his room, and that’s my excuse, because he just has the vibes, okay? he rides his bike to work, and he has a little “go green” sticker on the family car.

max — guidance counsellor/child therapist/social worker. something along those lines. i think she’d want to help kids that come from her kind of situation. she knows what it’s like, and she knows how they can isolate themselves, and i think she’d want to help.

mike — i think he’d go to college, get a degree, and then get a job that has nothing to do with lol. i see people having mike as a writer a lot, but i guess i just don’t see it. idk. some people are just gonna end up working in an office, and that’s okay lmao

will — artist will seems popular, and i can kinda see him as a comic book artist or something. but i also could see art as maybe something that’s more of a hobby, and it’s not his, like, career. i think about will the least of all the kids, sadly, so. i got nothing lol.

el — i think she works a lot of odd jobs. she wants to explore, and she wants to learn about the world. she dedicates herself to making jam, and she has chickens. there’s still a lot she doesn’t know, and i just don’t know if she’d settle down in one single career. actually i could kinda see her working at a museum for a bit. like a museum tour guide. she gets to have fun and learn! being cut off from the world for so long, i’d think she’d enjoy being surrounded by it.

erica — politician. she likes lying to people and commanding rooms lmao. i don’t think she’d be, like, president, but more just a small town mayor or something.

teens:

nancy — private investigator. i know that people think she’ll stick with journalist for the rest of her life, but i think she’d start to chafe against the control, and she’d want to do her own work and help people. she’s going through her murray era. but she’s less of a freak lmao

steve — stay at home dad <3 no but seriously, there’s a lot i could see with steve, but little league coach steve is very special to me. he gets to do something sporty, and work with kids

robin — i think she (and steve) work a lot of different jobs, and really jump around and have fun with it, and explore what they want to do. in the end, i think robin would enjoy a job where she can travel, and put all her language skills to good use.

jonathan — photographer. it’s the obvious one, but i think he’d enjoy freelance photography. he’d get to travel a little, and have some space from his family lmao.

argyle — i want to include argyle. but we really know nothing about him 💔 maybe a botanist or something lmao

vickie — i know she’s only a side character, but i don’t care <3 i’ll always be in love with truck girl vickie, so her as a mechanic is fun to me.

[atinylittlepain]

Firehouse Harrington - Chapter 8

fireman!Steve x f!reader/f!oc

series masterlist

Steve is trying to get better. She is trying to move on.

warnings | 18+ angst, mention of alcoholism, therapy talk, sad times folks

a/n | I dedicate this chapter to all of the asshole neuro grad students I have dated, your douchebaggery is astonishing and inspiring lmao

song for this chapter: Rapt by Karen O

......................

“Well, how did this past week go, Steve?”

“Um, better– I think.”

“That’s good. How was it better?” He tries not to roll his eyes at that, but still lets out a huff, sinking further into the sofa.

“I, um, I’ve been doing the mindfulness stuff? Every morning, like you said. And I’ve been doing the writing stuff in the journal you gave me.” Doctor Staub nods at that, lightly smiling.

“I’m glad to hear that. But, you know, those things I assign you to work on are only good if they help you make real change in your life.” Steve sighs and Staub raises a brow at him.

“So, what kind of changes have you made, Steve?” He huffs, but takes a deep breath, something he hates to admit works really well in keeping him from lashing out.

“I’m still not drinking, at all. And I’ve been spending more time with my friends, making more of an effort.” Staub nods.

“Good, good. I know we had discussed friendship being a part of your values. It sounds like you’re working on being more in line with that. Have you given more thought to what we discussed last week?” Steve makes a low sound in the back of his throat, shaking his head.

“I mean– I have thought about it– I just don’t know what’d I’d even say– I just– she– I don’t know.” Staub hums.

“Have you tried writing a letter to her? You don’t have to send it, obviously, but it might be a good place to start.” Steve sighs, running a hand through his hair. He had tried writing a letter in the fucking journal his therapist had given him, but he got all of three sentences down before he was dissolving into a mess of tears. 

“I just don’t think she’s gonna want to hear anything I have to say.” 

“Sounds like you’re jumping to conclusions, my friend. Look, I can’t make you do anything, but you did tell me your biggest reason for wanting to make changes was her.” Staub sets down his notepad, fixing Steve with a firm look.

“There’s no question, Steve. You fucked up– bad. But from what you told me, it sounds like there was real love there, and that deserves enough respect to at least make things right. I want you to keep thinking on it, ok? What would you tell her?” 

Steve still doesn’t like therapy, but even he has to admit that it seems to be helping. He’s been going for a while now, but hadn’t been trying until after that night at the hotel with her. It just so happened that the next day he had already had an appointment scheduled, and when he didn’t show up, Staub called him. Steve had started drinking the moment he left the hotel, and by the time his phone was ringing he was a pitiful, mumbling mess. But he had been just about shocked sober by what Staub told him over the phone that day.

“Look, kid, I don’t have a horse in this race. But it just seems like a real shame for you to be fucking yourself up like this when there’s really no need for all this bullshit.” No one had ever leveled with him so clearly. No one had ever been so certain there was a way out for him. So, Steve actually started trying in therapy. 

He has six weeks under his belt, but he still has a hard time thinking about that night. When he thinks about what he wants to say to her, all he knows is that sorry wouldn’t come close to covering it.

…

“Oh! Sorry about that, I–”

“Well, if it isn’t neuro’s golden girl. Did you have a good winter break?” She hasn’t seen Thomas since the night of the banquet, and, now running into him coming out of her advisor’s office, she can’t help but think that he looks even smarter dressed down in a crewneck sweater and levi’s. She offers him a smile, scoffing at his remark.

“If you keep calling me that, I’ll start getting a complex or something. But, um, my break was good, yeah. How was yours?” Her break was shit. She spent most of it between her dorm room and the lab, burying herself in preliminary research work and spending her nights listening to her Mazzy Star CD and crying. But Thomas didn’t need to know that. 

“Oh, you know, the usual. Went home for a bit, then came back a little early to get some work done. Speaking of, I heard you’re officially on board for next year. Congratulations, I can’t wait to see what you do.” She feels a blush spreading at his words.

“Thank you, I’m really excited– and also relieved– to be on board, as you said. I can’t wait to start working.” He grins, perfect teeth and a perfect dimple in his one cheek.

“Well, I’m pretty sure I already saw you starting to work in the labs over break.” Her face falls, embarrassed, but he laughs, pushing his glasses up his nose before smiling at her.

“Hey, your secret’s safe with me. But I admire that, you’re obviously a hard worker. I’d love to hear more about what you’re thinking about for your research– maybe over drinks some time?” She really hadn’t been expecting that, and can’t help but trip over her words a bit.

“Oh– I, um– I don’t know–” Thomas sighs, cutting off her floundering.

“Oh, shoot. I just put my foot in my mouth, didn’t I? Totally forgot about the firefighter boyfriend.” She’s quick to shake her head at his words ignoring the twist of a knife in her chest. His face lights up once again in hope.

“Um, it’s not that– we’re not– I’m not– not with him anymore.” Thomas raises a brow at her.

“No?” She shakes her head, letting out a sigh.

“It’s just– is that like– appropriate?” He lets out another laugh before fixing her with a crooked grin.

“Why? Because I’m on the admissions board?” She nods and he huffs, pursing his lips.

“Well, seeing as you’re already signed, sealed, delivered for next year, I’d say there isn’t a conflict of interests anymore. So, how about it?” Part of her wants to say no, out of reflex. But she manages to stop herself. It has been nearly two months after all. Maybe it’s time to move on. She tries her best to smile brightly at him.

“Um, ok, how’s this Saturday?” His dimple pops again as he nods, and she feels the lightest flutter in her chest, a welcome change from the dormant cobwebs that seem to have set up shop there. She digs into her tote bag in search of a pen.

“Here, let me give you my number and we can figure something out.” She brandishes the pen and is only a little surprised when he, without hesitation, tugs up the sleeve of his sweater and holds out his forearm for her. She finds her footing quickly, holding his wrist and scribbling her number out. He huffs out a light laugh as she finishes, both of them glancing shyly at each other as she steps back. He offers her one more flashy grin as he starts to shuffle backwards down the hall.

“Alright, golden girl. I’ll call you.”

…

She almost doesn’t answer the phone that night, already wavering on going out with Thomas, but when she does buck up enough to pick it up, she’s surprised by who it actually is. She’d recognize that gruff voice anywhere.

“Um, hey– hi. It’s me– um, Steve. I– how are you?” She’s honestly stunned. He hadn’t tried to call her at all since that night. A week after the incident at the hotel, she had returned to her dorm to find her friend waiting with a box of her things. He had dropped it off, no note or message or anything. She hated how much that had hurt. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t hate him, even though she knew she should.

“Um, hi, Steve. I-I’m ok, yeah. How have you been?” She doesn’t know what to say, it feels like a thick swath of cotton has settled in her throat.

“I’m doing ok, yeah. Um, I was wondering if we could maybe talk sometime?” She hesitates to answer, her stomach twisting, but Steve presses on.

“I’m not asking you for anything, it’s just– it’s for this therapy thing? And, you obviously don’t have to forgive me, um– I’d just like to say my piece– if you’ll let me.” Now she’s really shocked. That he’s still doing therapy. That his voice sounds so unsure and timid. It’s a far cry from the Steve she had gotten used to. She sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose to steady herself.

“Um, ok– I get that– do you wanna, like, get coffee?” She can hear the heavy sigh he lets out over the phone, can practically picture him raking his hand through his hair.

“I– yeah– thank you– that’d be great. When are you free?” She tells him she’ll have time Thursday afternoon and he tells her he’ll make that work, awkwardly going to hang up, but she stops him.

“Steve? I think it’s really great you’re still going to therapy.” He lets out a light laugh, his voice crackling over the phone.

“Yeah, I guess you were right about that, about a lot of things actually.” She doesn’t have time to think about what his words mean because he’s already saying a quiet goodbye, the click of the receiver jostling her out of her swimming thoughts.

Thirty minutes later, her phone rings again. She tries to not let guilt slither in as she makes a date with Thomas for Saturday.

…

Thursday comes before she’s ready. Her last class ran late, and she now has to hustle to get to the coffeeshop they had agreed to meet at. It’s one close to his apartment. She remembers how whenever they both, by some stroke of luck, had nowhere to be in the morning, they’d slink down the block to the shop, taking a close booth in the back and sharing breakfast. Perhaps uncharacteristically, Steve had an affinity for the crosswords in the daily paper, and they’d quietly work it over, hands brushing across the table. She has to physically shake her head of the memory as she keeps walking towards the shop, her heart seizing up the closer she gets.

He looks well, really well. She sees him before he sees her, tucked away in the same booth they used to share. He has on a navy sweater, sleeves rucked up under his elbows. He was always pretty to her, but now, he looks healthy, the typical dark circles under his eyes faded into barely there smudges, the only word she can think of to describe his hair is fluffy, perfectly flopped over his face and tucked behind one ear. When he catches her gaze, his eyes are clear, awake, a far cry from the cold stare he had fixed her with that night at the banquet. His lips crook into just a ghost of a smile, brow creasing. She muses that he looks just as nervous as she feels. As she makes her way over to him, he stands, smoothing his palms down the front of his jeans. She has to resist the urge to reach for him as she stands in front of him, and by the way his hands flex by his sides, she guesses he’s doing the same. He clears his throat before speaking.

“Hey, it’s good to see you. Um, thanks– for doing this.” She smiles, nodding lightly as they both sit down. She rests her elbows on the table, clasping her hands to keep herself from fidgeting from nerves.

“I’m glad to see you looking so well, Steve.” It’s her clinician’s voice, the one she uses in the hospital when she gets to interact with patients, and it doesn’t feel right using it on him, but she’s not sure what would be right in such a situation. He offers her a small smile and a low “thanks” wringing his hands where they’re resting across the table from hers. He seems to be having a hard time holding her gaze, his eyes keep darting down to the side of the booth. She breaks the silence.

“You said you’ve kept up with therapy? How is it going?” 

“It’s been good– um, better. Doc says I’m making real progress. I-I’m not drinking anymore– and I’m doing that meditation shi–stuff you wanted me to do. You were right– it, um, it really helps.” She smiles at that, tilting her head to catch his downturned gaze.

“That’s really great, Steve. It sounds like you’re working hard.” He shrugs, offering her half a smile.

“What about you? How have you been?” She sighs.

“Um, I’ve been doing alright. Working hard, but that’s nothing new. I, um, I got accepted. To IU for next year, so I guess I’m officially a grad student.” Steve nods at that, eyes darting up to hers only briefly before focusing back on his hands.

“You deserve it, probably more than any other student. Work so hard.” She knows it’s a sore spot, for both of them, so to hear him huff out even that means a great deal to her. Steve sits back in the booth, holding her gaze as he speaks. 

“So, I’m not expecting anything from you. I just ask that you listen to what I have to say– is that alright?” She’s stunned by his meek demeanor, the uncertainty in his expression, but she nods. Steve huffs, his shoulders slackening just slightly as he looks down to his side again before finally holding her gaze.

“It’s not enough– fuck, I know it’s not enough– but I want to tell you how sorry I am. Not just for that night– a-at the hotel– but for the way I treated you the whole time we were together–” his eyes dart back down to his side and she tries to crane over her seat to see just what it is that keeps pulling his attention, but his gaze has already focused back on her as he continues.

“The way I treated you was terrible– and, fuck– you deserve the world– um–” This time, when his eyes dart away again, she leans over the table and sees that what he keeps looking at is an open journal laid next to his lap, his obvious penmanship scribbled across the pages. She huffs, not quite sure what she feels at the realization that Steve had prepared something to say to her. When he looks at her again, worry is splashed across his features. She sits back, for a moment taking in the sight of this man who is so changed from what she remembers. There’s no simmering anger in his eyes, just clear anxiety. 

“Steve, I appreciate it, but you don’t have to use a script. We can just talk, ok?” He nods, lightly chewing on his lip. She sighs before continuing.

“Is it alright if I say something now?” He nods again, his eyes unwavering now as he looks at her.

“I know that you really hurt me, Steve. In more ways than one. And I also know that you carry a lot of pain with you, and I’m just relieved you’re finally talking to someone about it. I can forgive you, Steve. And I can be happy for you, that you’re obviously trying so hard to get better. And I also can never forget the way you hurt me. I think that’s going to stay with me for a long time.” It’s a therapy trick, from dialectical work that she had been studying recently, using “and” statements instead of “but.” She means it though, all of those things she said are somehow true at the same time. A heavy silence falls between them, Steve nodding at her words as he stares at his hands. His voice is a hoarse whisper that she can barely hear over the din of the coffeeshop when he finally speaks.

“I’m so sorry. You– you were everything to me– and I just wish I had treated you like it.” There’s nothing else to be said, not really. She lets out a long sigh.

“I should go, I have a shift starting soon. But, I’m really glad we talked, Steve. I hope you’ll keep taking care of yourself.” She doesn’t have a shift starting soon, but she knows she needs to get out of here before she does something she’ll regret later. She slips out of the booth, shrugging her coat back on as he stands. He stammers a bit, running a hand harshly through his hair before finally looking at her.

“Thank you– for everything. You, um, you really changed my life. And I’m just sorry I couldn’t be better for you.” Her heart catches at his words, and she’s moving before she can really think about it, wrapping him up in a hug that he clearly wasn’t expecting, his hands hovering lightly over her back. She breathes in deeply, the scent of him that she had gotten so used to, murmuring softly into his chest.

“Goodbye, Steve.” She’s quick to pull back from him, sniffing away tears that are threatening to spill over as she gives him one last smile, his expression slack in seeming shock at her actions.

She keeps it together the entire walk back to campus, but dissolves into sobs with the soft click of her door behind her.

…

“Red or white, what do you think?” 

“Oh, I’m sorry, what was that?” Thomas smiles, laughing lightly.

“What would you like to drink? Are you more of a red girl or do you like the sweet stuff?” She smiles sheepishly at his question. Truthfully, she had no clue which she liked, most of the wine she had consumed up to this point had come in a box. She sighs, pretending to think on it.

“You pick. I’m not exactly a connoisseur.” He grins at that, glancing back at the menu before looking up to the waiter.

“We’ll do a bottle of the seventy-five merlot.” The waiter nods, taking the menu, and Thomas looks back at her with a crooked smile.

“It’s a nice red for beginners. You should be able to handle it, yeah?” It takes every fiber of her being not to roll her eyes at that, instead smiling lightly and nodding. She’s learning very quickly that Thomas is quite confident in himself, flirting dangerously close to arrogance, but she knows her mom would tell her he’s certainly too big for his britches.

She doesn’t want to be here, not really. It’s a swanky restaurant uptown, and she’s in her nicest dress (because Thomas had told her to wear something dressy) and all she wants to do is curl up in bed and think about Steve like she had the last two nights since they got coffee. But she knows she needs to move on, so she white knuckles her way into smiling and laughing at all of Thomas’ stories, making polite conversation. Although she doesn’t have to try too hard at keeping up a dialogue, Thomas seems fine to keep talking all on his own. Quite frankly, he won’t shut up about his research, something she finds funny considering he had seemed so excited for her to tell him about her work. 

“Yeah, it’s just a real lightning in a bottle type thing, you know? I’m just glad I caught my idea and pursued it, and now it looks like all my work is gonna pay off.” She smiles, swirling the wine in her glass. She’s decided she really doesn’t like red. Before she can give him some sort of expected response, however, a flashing light catches her eye, followed by the loud blare of a fire alarm.

The whole restaurant gets evacuated out onto the sidewalk. She’s just grateful she had half a mind to shrug her coat on before they all got shepherded out into the cold night. Thomas meanwhile, is less than enthused, scoffing and muttering about how he “can’t believe this, so ridiculous.”

And then a fire truck pulls up, and she can’t help the little kick her heart does at the sight. The throng of people is a bit too crowded together and all she can see is three firemen helmets walking into the restaurant, her shoulders slumping in dismay. It’s a calm affair, at least, the manager comes out promptly and lets the patrons know that there’s been a gas leak and they’ll unfortunately have to close for the night. She has to stop herself from laughing at the scrunched-up look on Thomas’ face, catching herself as she starts to see a way out of this already long night. Thomas sighs, bringing a hand to rest on her upper arm.

“Well, not exactly as planned. But would you like to come back to mine?” It’s entirely too forward, and confirms her hasty exit route.

“You know, it’s been really nice spending time with you, but I have a morning class tomorrow and I should probably just get home.” His grin falters just slightly, brow creasing.

“Um, ok, if you’re sure about that. Can I get you a cab?” She huffs, glancing around and seeing a payphone a little further down the block.

“Actually, I’m just gonna call my friend to pick me up. Save myself a little money, yeah?” His grin has completely dissolved now into something more like a grimace, but he nods.

“Alright, golden girl. I’d like to do this again, huh? Some time soon?” She nods, trying to keep her smile from melting off her face in complete resignation. She does her best not to flinch as he lays a kiss on her cheek, murmuring a low “good night” before he turns and heads off in the other direction, shrugging his coat closer around his figure. 

Once he’s far enough away, she sighs, letting out a low curse as she walks over to the phonebooth. She’s frustrated more than anything, at Thomas, but also at herself, that she couldn’t seem to stop thinking about Steve. She leans against the wall of the phonebooth, waiting for her friend to pick up. But when the dial tone just keeps ringing, she huffs, slamming the phone back onto its receiver and shuffling back onto the sidewalk. 

The crowd has dispersed, the firetruck still there alongside the restaurant. She cranes her neck, looking for a taxi passing by, but with little luck.  What she hadn’t been expecting, although maybe hoping for, was someone calling her name. She whips around, and sure enough, it’s him. He has his helmet cocked on his hip under one arm, his heavy jacket hanging loosely open. Uncertainty is clear across his face as he says her name again like a question. She can’t help but laugh.

“We’ve gotta stop meeting like this.” The furrowed look on his face slackens a bit, enough for him to share a disbelieving chuckle with her. She steps a little closer to him, now seeing that those two young men, the same ones she met over Thanksgiving, are who he’s working with tonight as they load their gear back into the truck. 

“Are you– what are you doing out here?” She sighs, offering him a crooked smile.

“I, um, may have been getting dinner with someone at that restaurant before– well, it doesn’t really matter now.” Steve’s face sets in a deep frown, but he nods.

“Can I ask where your date went?” She laughs at that, toeing her shoe into the ground.

“I sort of ditched him. We didn’t exactly hit it off.” She hopes she’s not imagining the flash of something that skitters across Steve’s face at that, but it’s gone in an instant as he huffs at her words.

“Are you alright? Nothing happened, right?” It’s her turn to huff, shrugging lightly.

“I’m fine, just hungry. I didn’t even get a meal out of it, just a glass of really gross wine.” That coaxes a full smile out of him, and she hadn’t realized how much she missed seeing that, such a rare piece of Steve. He rubs the back of his neck, a nervous flutter seeming to run through him.

“Well, I mean, the guys and I are off duty now– we were gonna stop and get something on the way back to the station. You could come with us if you want? We can drop you back at campus too.”  She stutters a bit at the invitation. Every part of her wants to say yes, but every part of her knows she should say no.

“Oh, I couldn’t– I don’t want to– like, impose– you don’t have to–” He cuts her off with a gentle hand on her arm.

“I’d be happy to, really.” 

And so, she finds herself riding shotgun in a firetruck, stealing glances at Steve in the driver’s seat. He had relegated the other two men to the back before she could say anything otherwise. Definitely not how she had been expecting this night to go.

“What are you in the mood for?” She’s snapped out of her thoughts by Steve’s question.

“Oh, um, I don’t even know. I think just about anything would sound good right now I’m so hungry.” He hums, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye.

“You eat lunch today?” She sighs, a shy smile as she tells him she hadn’t. He knows her too well, and had often gotten on her for breezing right over lunch when they were together. She had gotten worse about it recently, with all her work in the lab and without him reminding her. He just sighs, a slight smile quirking his lips.

“I guess some things don’t change. You must be starving, ba–” He clears his throat, stopping himself from saying whatever term of endearment she thinks he was about to call her.

“I think I know a good spot. Let’s get some real food in you, huh? Wash down that gross wine.” She laughs and is rewarded with another smile from him as his eyes briefly dart over to her. For the first time in a while, it feels like she can take a breath without it getting stuck in her chest.

…

“God, this was such a good idea.” Steve huffs a laugh around a bite of his burger, eyes crinkling as he looks at her where she sits in the passenger seat. She practically moaned when they pulled up outside the burger shop, the same one she had gotten takeaway from on Thanksgiving to share with him. Greasy bags of food in tow, when they pulled back into the station, Steve promptly handed the two men - Miller and Thompson - their orders, all but shooing them out of the truck. He had offered to drive her back to campus right away, but she had told him she’d rather eat with him, while the food was still hot. He didn’t need to know that wasn’t the only reason. So, to avoid the ruckus of a crowded fire station of middle-aged men, they stayed in the truck, eating around shared smiles and simple talk. 

She goes to dip a few fries in her milkshake, and Steve groans.

“I forgot you do that. So gross.” She snickers, happily chewing her fries.

“Oh please. You never even tried it. How do you know it’s gross?” He shrugs and shakes his head, but she’s already dipping a few more fries in her shake before holding them in front of his face.

“Just try it, Steve. C’mon.” He grumbles, but gives in, tentatively biting down on the fries. She doesn’t miss the way his lips brush her fingers. He chews slowly, eyes scrunched closed, before letting out a long sigh as he swallows.

“Yep. I was right. That’s gross.” She scoffs and rolls her eyes, but can’t help the grin spreading across her face as she looks at his smug expression. They hold each other’s gaze for just a beat too long, both of them looking away, focusing back on the remnants of their food. Steve breaks the silence first, clearing his throat.

“This is probably a stupid thing to ask, but can I know who you were going out with tonight?” She sighs.

“Steve–” He’s quick to shake his head, his hands up in surrender.

“No, I know– that’s a stupid question and you don’t have to answer.” She leans over the console slightly to catch his gaze.

“It’s ok, really. Um, I went out with Thomas Klein.” She can see the furrow settle between his brows, but she rests her palm on his knee, drawing his attention back to her.

“I went out with Thomas Klein, and it sucked.” His brows shoot up, eyes wide as he looks at her. She just nods.

“Yeah, he’s a grade A dickhead.” Steve’s face crumples again at that as he turns in his seat to face her.

“He didn’t try anything, did he?” She laughs, shaking her head.

“God, no. He just– fuck– he is so full of himself. I think it might actually be a personality disorder.” She’s got him laughing with her now, shoulders lightly shaking. He sighs as they both quiet down.

“Is it bad that I’m kinda happy you don’t like him?” She offers him a small smile, shaking her head as she sits back in her seat.

“Honestly? I don’t think I could like him even if I tried. Or anyone else for that matter. Fuck, Steve– I just– I wish– more than anything– that you hadn’t done that– that night at the hotel.” His face falls, eyes stilled on his hands in his lap.

“I think I wish that more than anything too.” A long silence settles between them until she finally glances at him again.

“Can I just– can I ask why? Why couldn’t you believe me when I told you there was nobody else– why couldn’t you believe what I told you about my research?” He huffs before meeting her gaze, a deep frown across his face.

“My, uh– my therapist says my brain is like a dog with a bone. Once it’s set on something, it has a hard time letting go of it. It was never you– I know you know that– I just– fuck– I felt so out of control around you.” He sighs, flexing his hands before continuing.

“I guess I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop– you were too good for me–” She goes to protest, but he shakes his head.

“You were too good for me– and I knew that and I knew that eventually you’d figure that out– a-and you’d leave, just like everyone else.” His last few words are a hoarse murmur that she barely hears. He clears his throat again.

“It was easier to get angry– it’s always been easier to get angry– so that’s what I did. And the way I treated you because of that– it fucking destroys me thinking about it.” Silence falls over them again. 

“I didn’t want to leave. I-I still don’t want to leave.” His eyes dart to hers in a flash, wide and questioning.  She shakes her head.

“I know it’s stupid– I should hate you for what you did. But I can’t. I still care about you, Steve. And it drives me mad that I can’t stop. But–” 

“But?” He’s leaning slightly over the console, lips parted as his eyes search her face. A few rogue waves have flopped over his eyes and she has to resist the urge to sweep them back. She lets out a long sigh.

“But, I don’t know how we could– how we could go on after that. I don’t think I can do that either– a-and I feel trapped in this– this limbo of wanting you so badly, but knowing I shouldn’t.” She slumps back in her seat, quickly glancing at Steve whose eyes look a touch unfocused, like he’s working through something just out of reach. He finally lets out a ragged exhale.

“What if there was another option?” She raises her brows, her head tilted as she waits for him to continue. 

“I mean– fuck, everything about us was a little sideways– wasn’t it? Even that first time at that bar…” He trails off and she can feel heat rising in her cheeks, remembering that night all those months ago. She shakes her head of the memory, focusing back on him.

“What are you saying, Steve?” He huffs, eyes scrunching shut before looking back at her, wetting his lips with the quick pink of his tongue.

“I’m saying– I’m saying I’d give anything to start over with you– to do it right.” She sighs, a deep frown settling across her face.

“Steve, you’re asking a lot of me.” He shakes his head, hand clenching against the wheel where it’s draped.

“I know– fuck, I know– but, losing you– it-it woke me up. I’m still fucked up– I won’t lie to you– but for the first time in a long time, I’m awake. I just want you to have me awake.” She opens her mouth, but promptly shuts it, unsure of what she really wants to say. She can see the pooling tears in his lashes in the dim light of the garage.

“You can’t hurt me like that again, Steve. I think I’d really break.” His face crumples as he takes a shuddering breath.

“I know– I’m so sorry. You don’t owe me shit– but if you gave me another chance– I promise you I’d– I’d rather die than treat you like that.” She huffs.

“Well if you do treat me like that again, I think I’ll have to kill you anyways.” The crooked grin she offers him sends them both into a clipped laugh, silence quickly consuming it. Steve is the first to speak.

“So, what does all this mean?” She shifts in her seat to fully look at him, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“It means we’re gonna take this slow. A whole lot slower than before. You’re gonna drive me back to my dorm and you’re gonna ask me out on our first date and I’m gonna say yes. And maybe I’ll let you kiss my cheek.” There it is, that big, bright smile of his that makes her heart roll over in her chest. His eyes are wide, eyebrows raised as he lets out a breathy laugh.

“Ok, um– slow is good, yeah. Whatever you want.” She grins, bringing her hand over his atop the steering wheel.

“Well, I can tell you what I don’t want. Thomas fucking Klein.” Steve laughs so hard he snorts, a sound she had never heard before, a sound she never wants to stop hearing.

She lets him kiss her cheek.

[wendytestabrat]

why c&k are BOTH narcissists (FROM THE VAULT [i’m guessing 2021])

UPDATE 2024: it amazes me when people will be like “kyle isn’t a narcissist!1!1!” 😩 just bc he doesn’t act exactly like cartman and bc he has empathy. like bitch not all narcissists lack empathy, that’s only ONE npd symptom in the dsm-5. i think most narcissists actually do have empathy (and in my opinion the narcissists who are empaths are wayy more nauseating to be around than the ones who lack it LMAO bc the empathetic narcissists know how to weaponize emotions against u and shit). honestly lack of empathy is seen a lot more commonly in sociopathy/psychopathy than it is in narcissism. or like when bitches try to defend or justify kyle for blowing up canada by saying “he isn’t like cartman bc he felt bad after!1!1” 😫 LOL SO WHAT?! i don’t give a shit that kyle felt remorse after he did that, it was still a shitty unforgivable thing to do that he shouldn’t have done in the first place. kyle feels bad after he does shitty things all the time yet he still repeats the same problematic behavior and never learns from it soooo. i feel like covert narcissism is becoming more widely talked abt now especially after that line in taylor’s song anti-hero “did you hear my covert narcissism i disguise as altruism like some kind of congressman” but yeah i was wayy ahead of my time talking abt this shit before that song LOL. i also feel like a lot of covert narcissists end up as therapists too which is why kyle was shown to be a therapist in the future. that’s honestly why i don’t trust therapists anymore bc i’m convinced the majority of them are just covert narcissists who get a sick kick out of seeing u helpless so they can preach their advice at you to put themselves on a pedestal lol. i’ve had a couple good therapists so i’m sure not all of them are like that and some are genuinely caring people, but the majority of therapists i’ve seen i got this icky feeling from them like they were using my pain and suffering to feel better abt their own shitty lives. bc like no one would choose a career where they get to listen to people’s problems all day unless that person had some fucked up issues themselves lol. i remember years ago i thought i wanted to be a therapist when i used to be an annoying overly empathetic nosy bitch like kyle LOL which was why i took a bunch of psychology and child development classes and now i’m stuck with a useless 2 year degree in that shit that i didn’t even want but that’s a whole story for another day. i don’t want a job where i have to listen to people’s problems all day no thank you 🤮 that subplot in the panderverse special where randy and the other dads were lashing out at colleges for giving them a degree they can’t do shit with hits HARD for me lol. college is an overrated scam i don’t make the rules i enforce them.

don’t get me wrong i think college can be a great thing which is why i loved it, but like only if you can take specific classes to acquire certain skills u need at that time. the whole system where u are rushed to pick one major and get a degree in only that thing is complete bs and doesn’t do SHIT for you. it should be about LEARNING stuff not getting a piece of paper that shows u did.

[just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi]

sooo I have some questions about mason becuase he seems like a really interesting character. Also it was kind of funny how he’s fine with beating up or electrocuting a pet but the second someone lets them go online or gives them slightly lax rules, he’s like oh no this poor sweetheart, this is so sad😞 . Would he punish a pet for panicking a lot or getting freaked out easily? Or what if a pet was transgender? Would he tell them they were just being silly or would he actually listen to them? What if a pet saved his life? Would he be grateful?

Thank you for the interest!! Mason is what I like to call an evil therapist with a HEALTHY dose of condescension.

Would he punish a pet for panicking/freaking out easily?

Not necessarily, it depends on why the pet is scared. If there is something genuinely stressful going on (getting a new owner, tension in the home, medical, even something like a thunderstorm) he would not punish them. In his mind, that is not willful disobedience. They are scared, they are stressed, and pets are simple creatures that struggle to regulate themselves. That is part of the owners job. If the panic stems from like a panic disorder, Mason is incredibly sympathetic of that. He would train the pet with calming exercises they can use and suggest medication if needed.

If he gets the vibe the panic is an act of manipulation, that will be punished.

What if a pet saved his life? Would he be grateful?

Very! But it wouldn’t change anything. You know those news stories of dogs dragging children out of fires or cats alerting parents that the child was having a medical emergency? He’d see it like that. He’d absolutely thank the pet and do an interview on the news but in the end the pet is still just a pet.

And this one was a fascinating question Nonny!!! I did put it under the cut because of some transphobia, however I mostly just talk about gender in my worldbuilding. Perhaps gatekeeping or delusion is a better term but the end result is transphobia so I’m gonna warn as such.

What if a pet was transgender? Would he tell them they’re just being silly or actually listen to them?

It should be emphasized again that Mason does not believe pets are human. He does not think they are people. You cannot change his mind, he is stuck in this delusion.

… you know what. I don’t think Mason believes pets know what gender is. In a way he sees them as toys or dolls, and he is the one making decisions about what they wear. If he thinks Rudy would look cute in a dress he’d just buy Rudy a dress. Rudy does not get a choice in what he’s wearing, not in any meaningful way.

If a pet (for some reason lmao) came to him and said they’re trans, he might laugh and say “from what?” He’d also ask where they even heard that and likely dismiss it as “that’s something for humans. You don’t need to worry about it.”

I mean, also in this world I’ve created literally what WOULD gender mean to a pet? There are no specific gender roles or expectations- they’re all just pets. And sterile. There’s no social influence of how they’re supposed to be acted based on their assigned gender at birth. Oh for sure they have expectations but they’re all based on their “class” for a lack of a better term.

Fuck me my ocs should have way more weirdness with their gender identity after being freed. That would be so bonkers to go from a world where it doesn’t exist to where it dictates everything.

(Also in the end this still ends up having a lot of my own feeling and opinions about gender in it. Your characters are the biggest fucking snitches every time. Honestly I have tussled with gender specific stuff for a while but it’s mostly based in religious trauma. I’m trying to sort it out but it’s a complicated ever changing messy thing. Idk. Slowly chipping away at it. I’m saying this to be transparent and as a plea to not be abrasive. I don’t expect it but I am fucking delicate sometimes and need to explicitly explain why I do or think the things I do. Is this too raw for a post on tumblr.com about my silly little ocs? Yes absolutely. Should i delete this part? yes. Will I?)

[daybringersol]

if asexuality or aversion to sex comes from trauma, that is absolutely something a therapist and you are supposed to address, that's not queerphobia and equating it to conversion therapy is kinda disgusting and queerphobic itself lmao

That is not what I said in the slightest, to a point where im questioning if youre asking me this in good faith at all. Please actually read and/or reread the words I typed before accusing me of things like this. My initial post was not even worded in a way that was vague enough to be misinterpreted this way.

If you still don’t understand how misguided you are, here is my attempt at putting it more clearly :

Yes, aversion to sex and/or romance and lack of sexual/romantic desires can come from trauma. Therapy can help that, if you find the right therapist. However, from my own experiences, I can tell you that the way a lot of therapists approach this is at best, ineffective, and at worst, downright retraumatizing. If sex and/or romance makes you uncomfortable, being convinced to take part in sexual/romantic acts without you having desires for it or being downright averse to it is a recipe for disaster (for most people). It just puts you into more non-consensual and traumatizing positions. That is what exposure therapy is, and that is what most therapists have tried (and sometimes succeeded) to do to me. Horrible experience, would not recommend to anyone. This approach tries to cure the symptom instead of the issue, and is deeply based in ace/arophobia (seeing “fixing” a lack of attraction as more urgent and important than addressing the source of the issue, the actual trauma).

Also, no. If someone doesn’t feel like fixing their trauma for any reason, nobody should push them to. A therapist can absolutely inform the patient on the benefits of doing so, but trauma work is incredibly hard, very much a long-term thing, and can put the patient in an extremely vulnerable headspace. It’s the mental equivalent of breaking a bone to set it right again. For an abuse victim who just got out of that situation, it is completely understandable for them to want to enjoy their new-found freedom and joy as much as they can, for as long as they want. Pushing them towards trauma work without the right environment, mindset or literally anything else they feel might make this not the right time for it can cause further damage, especially knowing how the current psychiatric institution works.

Asexuality and aromanticism, however, do not come from trauma, or any other neurological differences. It might be affected by it, and people with life experiences similar to aro and/or ace people are welcomed in the community (for exemple, sexual and/or domestic abuse survivors that are sex/romance averse), but it is not caused by it. Most therapy settings are not informed about asexuality, and assume it is a symptom of a underlying issue, that needs to be fixed. The same kind of exposure therapy that I talked about earlier is often used to “cure” aro and/or ace people, putting them those same non-consensual and traumatizing situations. That is conversion therapy, and medical use of coerced corrective rape. These therapists are, often with methods similar to gaslighting (and I use the original meaning of the word here, not the diluted tiktok version of it), convincing people to do sexual and/or romantic acts that they have no desire to do, to fix an issue that doesn’t exist, with the explicit goal of making someone not queer. Please explain to me how that is not conversion therapy.

Other forms of arophobia and acephobia are prevalent in psychiatric institutions as they are today, tho I wouldn’t call most of those conversion therapy. You only need to look at the notes on my post to see what I’m talking about.

I genuinely hope that this is a formative experience for you, and that in the future, you learn to actually read what is written before you send messages like this. Have a good day.

[suffarustuffaru]

We need more re:zero fanfics that are just characters being forced to go to therapy. Subaru is ordered by the Royal Knights to attend weekly sessions (that secretly double as interrogations, though due to patient confidentiality the therapist is only able to pass on information that regards other people being put in danger) and the therapist stumbles out of there every week needing a drink because trying to make something coherent out of a conversation with Natsuki Subaru concerning anything related to his fluctuating emotional state and the very obvious/mysterious trauma underpinning all of his actions is practically an Olympic sport — and that was before unearthing his self-harm habit, severe inferiority complex, and what may be suicidal tendencies. Reinhard is so emotionally repressed that he’s refusing to let himself feel anything even regarding having to face off against his grandmother’s corpse and his superiors keep walking back the meager process any sessions manage to make. Otto seems perfectly normal and then he mentions being willing to die for Subaru’s sake as soon as three days after he met him. Ram just sits there glaring for the full hour and a half. Wilhelm uses the time to express his latest revenge plot in very well thought out detail. Heinkel is such a horrible mess that I can’t even make a joke out of what he’d do to that poor therapist’s emotional state. Roswaal doesn’t seem to realize what therapy IS. That poor therapist is in Hell.

anon ive always wanted to see something like this for sure HAH its just such a fascinating idea?? especially when 99% of people in the rz cast desperately need extensive therapy 😭😭 but yeah theres different ways you could take an idea like this and the conditions you set are really interesting.

the idea of it being a therapist appointed by the government, essentially, who’s also there to gather information (but keeps at least some details hidden for the sake of their patients) so the government can keep a leash on certain characters (subaru and reinhard particularly) + subaru is still locked by rbd taboo of course is so fascinating to me. of course—is it ideal conditions for therapy? hell no lmao 😭😭 but its a super good in universe explanation as to why theyre getting therapy (other than all of them being Mentally Unwell)—and given the therapist and everyone in the cast minus subaru and al are working with medieval knowledge, the odds were not in their favors anyway oops. and this is assuming that the cast has the BEST THERAPIST IN THE FANTASY WORLD POSSIBLE for this!! haah theyve got a real difficult job ahead of them.

and also an idea like this is difficult to write. ive always wanted a “rz cast goes to therapy” fic hah but writing the FULL cast is tricky!! tbh id feel bad not including at least a good chunk of the cast in a fic like this given SO MANY of them desperately need therapy. and this idea is Extremely character focused—you have to know every character’s intimate traumas and flaws and personalities to pull this sort of thing off. its inherently in depth character exploration, and depending on how Good you want the therapist character to be, youd probablyyy have to do at least a bit of research (??) (unless you have personal experience in this department already??) there on. how to write a therapist? but thats just me getting fixated on the practical aspects of this wkdndn this is definitely why we havent really seen much fic on this sort of idea yet. i think itd work really well as a collab though, possibly!! you can devote a therapy session to one character per chapter or something and mix it up later the further it goes on <3 or at least thats my idea for this at the moment. i think one therapy session per chapter would be very good leadup though in a Hypothetical Fic about this, and you then have the time to explore each character in depth and introduce each of them!!

ok as for the examples you gave anon—HAH yeah thats a good summary for sure 😭😭 again, this is interesting because these are Not good conditions for therapy.

they all think with their medieval knowledge. subaru cant talk about rbd and everything related to it, which is his biggest core trauma. reinhards superiors dont want him to improve because hes their perfect malleable obedient weapon right now and they chose to break him like that. they probably wont want heinkel to improve much either, given theres implications that people like russell fellow purposely helped make heinkel Worse (such as the false rumors that he kidnapped one of the royal familys kids). and also regarding characters like heinkel—he wont improve if he doesnt get some sort of rehab on top of the therapy akdnd and he wont improve if he doesnt make an effort either. and also i know theres characters like petra who are way more normal compared to everyone else and shes not in dire need of therapy unlike everyone else, but id argue petra should at least have a check up because girl is a twelve year old thats been shoved into life threatening events recently okay 😭😭 AND the astreas are gonna need some hardcore family therapy wkdndn theyll just need individual sessions first to work up to that……… but will the kingdom really allow that to happen either?

yeah so the therapist is in for a reckoning in general 😭😭 with the plot you gave anon—if the therapist genuinely tries their best, this could result in some friction. the therapist hears out all these big important people related to the royal selection—roswaal, the astreas, various other emilia camp members, and people from other factions im sure (such as julius, joshua, ferris, crusch, etc)—but the therapist is held back from fully helping all of them because the kingdom keeps them all on a leash, including the therapist themselves. will the therapist succumb to what the kingdom wants and ensure they never improve past a certain point? or ensure they never improve at all?

it creates this overarching plot to an otherwise standard premise i think—and theres a bittersweetness because the therapist cant fully help them as it is right now. and its hard to help characters like subaru and reinhard who are Incomprehensible in their own ways. even in the fantasy world with its Wide Range of dangerous traumatic events tinged with magic, subaru and reinhard are absolutely outliers. plus as i said earlier, some characters Want to improve so badly and will try their best to do so (such as emilia) and some might not have much desire to even try (such as heinkel). everyone in the cast have their own goals, motivations, and a lot of them to some degree will be unreliable narrators either purposefully or accidentally or unwittingly. the otto example you gave anon is so true because i an SO sure his ass would pretend to be normal bc he doesnt want to be there only to accidentally reveal hes not 😭😭😭 joshua is another good example bc of his hate love relationship with his brother and how he tries to conceal it by gaslighting himself into worshipping his brother’s every move and trying to live vicariously through him (joshua also hates reinhard too but pretends not to so theres that too) 👍👍👍 and also emilia and reinhard are examples of characters whove been taught the absolute WORST lessons in the world so youd have to get into unravelling that 😭😭 like theyre both afraid to be closer to others out of fear of hurting them, they have issues regarding what people see them as and what people expect them to be, learned powerlessness, terrible father figures, guilt complexes, being blamed for things that arent their fault, also the fucked up family history, etc etc. there is SO much baggage HAH.

and again, the poor therapist is getting a bunch of rz main characters and crucial side characters—many of them are well known in some way, or important political figures, and they ALL got the most buck wild stories so the stakes are Very High😭😭 itll be a fun ride im sure!! but i do think this idea is super super neat. id love to explore each and every character and all their nuances—i think a fic like this would only really fully work if youre sympathetic towards everyone, but youre not afraid to get them for their faults too. wilhelm, heinkel, roswaal are good examples. clind too by proxy, given frederica needs to get away from his ass too (RAM ALSO NEEDS TO GET AWAY FROM ROSWAAL ISTG.) and again, a fic like this requires in depth knowledge of all these characters or the premise can fall apart a bit—this is a fic all about exploring their deepest traumas after all <3

but yeah anyway i too am in dire need of a rz cast goes to therapy fic anon!!! T^T thank you for the ask i will continue to think on this idea 🙏

[redhoodinternaldialectical]

Introducing my jaytim fanfiction series Chained!

This is the largest writing project I have ever attempted! Currently (March 29th, 2024) it sits at a length of 153,000 words published and some back of the napkin math puts the final product in the ballpark of War and Peace’s 500,000+ words. halp lmao! This post is designed to serve as an introduction to what the story is about, what my Tim and Jason are gonna be like, and what parts of canon I’m sticking to

"So, what’s the premise ya dorkus malorkus?”

Jason is set in front of a contract that will grant near omnipotence over every facet of reality. The catch is that it requires the person who actually gains the power to be permanently bound into the service of someone else. Afraid of what this could do in the wrong hands, Jason asks Tim to be his new Master.

(a picture of Jason with the halo and armor the contract grants him that I drew :3 also, have a link to the fics!)

After many hours of intense negotiations (the entire first fic in the series), they produce a subcontract designed to maintain Jason's basic rights as a person while still granting them enough power to overcome whatever whatever caused the contract to be written in the first place. Now all that's left is to destroy the evidence, win the fight, and start remaking the world in their image...

Expect to read about: extensive theological discussions complete with readings of the Bhagavad Gita, shape shifting, hijinks, Harley Quinn being a menace to society really good therapist, redonkulous amounts of time travel and time loops, murders most foul, webs of lies and deceit as Oracle works to uncover their secrets, angst, fluff, hurt, comfort, and I’m gonna stop there before I overpromise myself, turn into a puddle, and never manage to finish the damn thing, lol

The draw of the premise for me is exploring the constant renegotiation of boundaries between Jason and Tim as they navigate a truly terrible idea of a romance. This is slow burn in that it takes them a really long time to get together properly due to the aforementioned terrible idea part, but they know they’re in love very early on.

“Lay out the dynamics there hoss”

I reserve the right to fuss with these, but my intention is:

Jason/Tim = the genius fragile human made of pure spite and determination and their sentient bodyguard/servant monster who they like lowkey have a thing with. Think Integra Hellsing and Alucard.

Barbara Gorden versus Tim Drake = genius versus genius 5D chess headgames war. Think L and Light with Jason as Ryuuk. But like if Light was into Ryuuk.

Tim/Jason versus [MAIN VILLAIN SPOILERS] = warring Gods. The source of a new mythology.

Honestly, just mark down Hellsing Ultimate and Death Note animes as major influences.

“What’s a folk gotta do ta get some headcanons and characterization in this joint?”

For Tim I’m going mainly with him in his Red Robin run where he finds Bruce, blows up the League of assassins and shit like that. I love how absolutely arrogant this man is, and I find the way he struggles with the ethics of the job really neat. This version of Tim seems perfect to act as the commander: always tempted to do more, tempted to go further into the dark with power, but also having a lot of self control and dedication to doing right.

In terms of personal headcannons I am making him trans (cause I can), ADHD/Autistic (because it makes sense), and a dabbler in mild, lowkey amphetamine abuse (The coffee chugger who never sleeps of fanon intrigues me, but also caffeine kinda doesn’t do that, whereas adderall definitely does. He’ll use both stimulants as available and needed. I like a man who knows he badly overworks himself but who can’t realistically say he shouldn’t be overworking himself.)

Jason is a much harder cat to herd because writers have long been playing tug of war with his characterization, dragging him over the line to unhinged villain then back to just another bat over and over. I always like Jason, but I think he’s at his weakest at both extremes of the spectrum. He’s a good villain/antagonist in general, but a phenomenal one when he has real goals and morals. He’s a good anti-hero/tenuous ally in general, but a phenomenal one when he and the family have serious disagreements and Jason is still a killer.

I’m keeping this fic as canon compliant as possible, but there is a bare minimum amount of rearrangement necessary to make Jason consistently morally grey rather than an ethical checkers board that looks grey when you turn it sideways and squint.

Headcanons for Jason include chronic pain (I just think being blown up should screw with a guy’s nerves), trans (cause I can), and having schizophrenia (cause I see some possible canon evidence and he’s had a LOT of ableist stuff thrown his way and I don’t really like ‘well I’m not actually mentally ill’ as a resolution point to that. I am leaving it ambiguous if this has anything to do with the Lazarus Pit, but I intend it to be very unambiguous that it has nothing to do with why he has beef with the rest of the bats. His grievances are not delusions. His moral positions are not delusions. He will hallucinate and I may have him develop delusions, but he’ll also take medication for that and employ coping mechanisms like real life people with schizophrenia do. The mental illnesses are something he deals with, not something that controls him into being evil, no matter their source.)

Oh and it should go without saying that everyone has so much PTSD!

“Cut ta the chase already jabrony, give us da timeline”

Crisis on Infinite Earths, Final Crisis, Infinite Crisis, Flashpoint, Convergence, and the Rebirth changes happened in this fic's canon. We are dealing with multiple multiverses. If you’re familiar with the concept of ‘Hypertime’ used to facilitate the Elseworlds series and elaborated on during the Dark Knights: Metal stuff, I’m building off of that. If you’re not, don’t worry about it, there will be a far better explanation in the fic as the characters discover this shit for themselves.

This takes place during the "Rebirth" era of DC comics canon in a fanfic universe I made up within that canon multiverse called Earth 69. Earth 69 is my idea of what the pre-flashpoint timeline might have looked like if flashpoint never happened. Essentially I'm taking the post crisis stuff and extending it by acting as though that timeline just kept going, with plot points from New 52 and Rebirth canon welded onto the end of it. Keep in mind though, Earth 69 only coincidentally mirrors pre-flashpoint events; that canonical pre-flashpoint multiverse still exists!

Now lets go through just Earth 69′s timeline, focusing on Tim and Jason

Based on the letter Jason sends to Kid Devil, I put the year of his death as 1985. Ten years have passed since then at the start of this fic, making Tim 23 and Jason 25. The influence of alien tech and supergeniouses accelerated cultural and scientific growth such that while the fic takes place in 1995, every bit of tech and culture from 1980 to 2024 is fair game to show up. I find it fun to play around with laser turret drones and microfiche spy tactics all in the same story, so our heroes listened to My Chemical Romance on their smartphones while watching the fall of the Berlin Wall on live TV.

Batman (1940) issues #419 - #429 aka Jason’s post-crisis Robin years happen almost identically to the comics, except that Jason is a trans man and it was the Penguin that got Willis Todd locked up for life and then killed instead of Two Face. Bruce eventually finds out he’s trans and is supportive if understandably clueless. He raises Jason as his son. It’s important to me that Jason’s beef with Batman not leave either side objectively correct. Their relationship and hurts are a lot more compelling to me if Bruce isn’t transphobic.

A Place of Lonely Dying and the Robin (1993) series happen with very few deviations, with the understanding that I've read less of this than would be ideal and might get some things mixed up as I go along. Those deviations include Tim also being a trans man. Because he was looking into transition care for Jason, Bruce already knows about puberty blockers and HRT and supplies them to him. That becomes a big part of why Tim’s Dad is so freaked out by Tim being Robin. In this timeline, one of the major reasons Tim is so attached to the role of Robin is that it’s the first role in his life where he gets to be himself.

Lost Days happens as it did in comics except for two changes. Firstly when Talia sleeps with him, it's not sex, it's fully clothed cuddling and actual sleeping. I think this compromise preserves the important emotional conflict that I identified in this reading of her motivations, while sidestepping some of the problems the sex caused. The second change is that Jason won't have ended Lost Days by going to talk to Hush...

Because I HATE Thomas Elliot as a character. I hate how he was implemented. I hate that he kept showing up. I hate that they killed off Harold. I hate Hush. So it never happened on Earth 69! Instead I'll be emphasizing Tim and Jason's later fights, which have some similar emotional beats.

Now, whether or not Jason held a knife to Tim’s throat is kinda fucking important to how their relationship is interpreted! Most people, understandably, make this a serious event between the two. However, in all the comics I’ve been reading, I have seen zero characters ever acknowledge that Jason was involved. Tim hasn’t thought or said anything about it, even when it really seemed relevant. Jason technically tells Batman he did it in UtRH, but it's never brought up again and at this point it feels almost like Judd Winick tricked DC into publishing a headcanon that applies nowhere else lmao. Therefore I feel fine with just ditching this and putting more emphasis on their later fights which have similar emotional beats.

Under the Red Hood happens, with one modification. He knows about Stephanie's death and treats it with the gravity she deserves. He is targeting Black Mask because of Steph's death, and something very similar to the excellent fanfic 'hangman is coming down from the gallows' by nex_et_nox happens.

Young Justice (1998) happens, except for some of the mythological encounters. They did watch Santa get blown up, but I will be taking liberties with how the Greek Pantheon operates, and holy fucking shit, no they did not meet the goddess Kali like that, what the fuck, did no one even try to do a basic level of cultural sensitivity research?!? Anyways.

Jason does fight Batman, Green Arrow, and Mia as told in Green Arrow (2001) #69 - #72. Roy does hear about this, but he hears about it the way that Mia herself tells it when asked about it in the comic, i.e. “He didn’t hurt me. We just talked.” So he's not exactly all that freaked out about it.

Roy Harper and Jason first meet in Outsiders (2003) #44 - #46 where he helps Roy and Dick exonerate Black Lightning with no ulterior motives, as in the comics.

Teen Titans (2003) #29 (The Titans Tower fight) happens as it did in comics. i.e. It was a fair one on one fight in which both participants understood that the other was not trying to kill them and both combatants walked away with nothing more than superficial injuries. Tim came away from that with a black eye and a grudge; Jason came away from it thinking Tim was pretty alright in his book. The writing on the wall was either Jason’s own blood, or red paint, because there is simply no earthly way that was Tim’s blood.

Teen Titans (2003) in general happens to Tim, though there’s a lot that connects to Countdown to Final Crisis (which can only have happened in the canonical pre-flashpoint multiverse) that may or may not need to be edited and removed.

The combination of events from Countdown to Final Crisis and Teen Titans (2003) #47 also happens, in which Jason attempts to save Duela Dent from murder, fails, connects with Donna at her funeral, and then is interrogated by Tim and Dick who suspect Jason murdered her. Oh and also it's where Tim kicks him in the pants lol. Obviously the reason Duela died and who murdered her has to be different, but all that should be details that don't matter for the fic's purposes.

I've already mentioned that Robin (1993) was being considered canon to Earth 69′s timeline, but make special note here of issue #177, in which Tim sends Jason to jail (his first prison stint, yay :D). One modification here: Jason's plan is to manipulate the established mob families into fighting the cops, leaving the local communities to govern themselves, not to use "kid gangs" to soften up the cops and the mob like happens in the comic. Because like... the on panel plan makes no sense, either logistically or for his character, and idk why but the way the author uses the concept of “kid gangs” leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Nightwing (1996) #118 - #122 aka Brothers in Blood aka the one where Jason becomes a tentacle vore monster happens exactly as depicted in comics. Exactly. As. Depicted. Well okay not exactly, I need him to not have threatened to bomb a building full of innocent people, that is a bridge too far, but everything else stays!

The Red Robin series happens as depicted, except for how Tim got the costume. The Red Robin costume that Tim wears in the pre-flashpoint multiverse was from that multiverse’s Earth 51. On Earth 69 the Red Robin costume was what Bruce made for Jason in anticipation of him wanting to outgrow the Robin mantel one day, like Nightwing did (tho uhhh great job reframing why the Nightwing mantel exists there Bruce lmao). When Dick gave the Robin role to Damian, Tim took the Red Robin outfit for himself from it’s pedestal next to The Memorial Case. There was a considerable amount of spite towards multiple people involved in that decision.

Battle for the Cowl is where it gets trickier. I am going to gut most of the plot of BftC and combine a few plot elements from it with the Batman and Robin (2009) series in order to create a much longer lasting conflict that preserves Jason as an anti-hero and his partnership with Scarlet/Sasha as a competing vigilante force to Dick and Damian.

After Bruce’s “death” Dick super does not ever want to be Batman. No one does really. Jason hears Bruce's post-death message and is understandably fucking devastated. He decides to say fuck that noise, Bruce is gone now, and I'm gonna be Batman since no one else seems willing to do it, and I'm gonna do it my way! Another Batman running around shooting people dead forces Dick’s hand and he takes up the Batman mantel to fight him. Batman and Robin (2009) #3 - #6 happen roughly as depicted, but with Jason still claiming to be Batman, and he doesn’t have red hair. (I’m so sorry white suit + pill helmet costume, but I must leave you behind for the sake of continuity). Jason's stint in Arkham and then Blackgate happens. Batman and Robin (2009) #23 - #25 happen as depicted, minus the part where Jason rigged the entire fucking civilian tram line to explode. After Jason and Scarlet fly off into the sunset together, they come back to Gotham and keep fighting.

Sometime after he's free again he does Roy a favor. I haven't decided what exactly, but it's big. I’ve toyed with the idea that he broke him out of prison because he doesn’t want to see Liam grow up without a dad in a move very similar to the Outsiders thing and roughly analogous to how he meets Roy in Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011), but that seems a lil repetitive and why would Roy even be in jail, so idk.

By this point the events of Red Robin are over and Tim has joined Dick and Damian in fighting Jason. Sometime before the climactic battle, Scarlet leaves for [FANFIC SPOILERS] reasons, so it becomes just Jason again. He goes through with something like the plan from Battle for the Cowl, luring Tim to his Batcave and offering him a place as his Robin. As in comics, Tim's answer is to pick up a crowbar and wack Jason across the face with it! Jason wins the fight and stabs Tim in the chest, knowing it's not gonna kill him, but fine with it leaving one hell of a scar! Dick's fight with Jason afterwards, and Jason jumping from the train into the harbor, happens as it did in BftC #3 with the exception of Dick wearing the Batsuit instead of Tim.

Starfire contacts Roy for help with a lengthy, off planet mission - one that absolutely needs a Bat on board. Every single Bat is up to their eyeballs in fires to put out and projects to run... except for Jason. Roy knows a lot of other Heroes with very good reasons to hate him, but in his personal experience, Jason’s always been a reliable if shady and asshole-ish guy working for the greater good. Ya’know. A Bat. It helps that they both think Bruce treats Dick like garbage sometimes and thus are inclined to be sympathetic towards Jason's beef with him. Roy vouches for him and brings him on board. They work well together, they save the days in outer space, and after a particularly dangerous mission they have a "thank fuck we're not dead" threesome together. This replaces the New 52 version of Red Hood and the Outlaws.

During the trip back to Earth, Jason confides in them about his woes and they encourage him to sort his shit out and get his life back together. Jason agrees and after considering it for a while he asks Roy and Starfire to help negotiate a truce between him and the rest of the Bats. They agree and thus begins two years of ceasefire and getting more friendly with the other Bats.

During those two years, the events of Dark Knights: Metal occur. The Source Wall is broken, and all the peoples of all the earths are plunged into a nightmare world. No one really remembers what happened, it’s all very vague and drifty, like remembering a dream, unsurprisingly. People have been referring to this event as The Nightmares.

This two year period also contains my version of Rebirth Red Hood and the Outlaws. Jason attempts to infiltrate Black Mask’s gang because the real Black Mask should be super dead and super unwilling to work with him. He’s a LOT more competent about it than in comics tho.

The biggest change is what goes down with Cobblepot. Jason’s original intention was to fake the penguin’s death and take all his power and assets from him, as he did in comics. However, he loses Artemis and Bizzaro before he goes through with that plan instead of after. At the last minute he switches the blanks out for lead. The Penguin is super dead.

He fights back when Bruce confronts him, but it's still a brutal fight and ultimately Roy has to separate them. Then Jason follows his father’s trail to the experimentation prison thing like in comics. Roy doesn’t die along the way, we don’t have the scene with Bruce at the diner, but in the end it turns out that his father is actually dead. No one survived that place. He only found boxes of dusty, decaying files, a grave out back, and Dr. Fate. Once he was convinced there was nothing more to find, Dr. Fate took him to John Constantine and The Contract, and that’s just about where our story begins!

Have another link, and I hope some of y’all enjoy what I’ve got so far!

[chocotonez]

“bad day?” (txt)

a/n: hopefully the self indulgence isn’t obvious in this one </3, also thank you so so so much for 250+ followers! it’s absolutely mind boggling that I’ve gotten so much support, I’m so happy to know that many people enjoy my writing! I’m so incredibly thankful to have so many amazing people support me :)

warnings: cussing, crying, txt is comforting u after a bad day, reader can’t express their feelings in kai’s, listened to lizzo while writing this so it’s not that sad

yeonjun

-immediately realizes something’s off the second you open the door to your apartment

-he was there 2 bring you dinner and he honestly wasn’t even planning on staying but your ~~vibes~~ were just TOO off!!

-becomes a private investigator, probably subtly checks your private social media stories to see if you complained about anything during the day and not so subtly brings it up

-“hahaha so any weird peers that pissed you off because-“

-realizes you probably just want comfort and is like oh don’t worry bb <3

-I think he’ll say “chill” in that GRATING ABSOLUTELY MONTONE DEADPAN PATRONIZING tone the first few times there were bad bumps in ur relationships but over time he learns to comfort u and how to best communicate w u :]

-lets you rant and listens, never gives you unprompted advice and likes to make stupid innuendos to make u feel a teensy weensy bit better

-needs to see you at least smile once

-will hold and rock you in his arms while you sob your heart out, cooing and playfully calling you his baby

-says he’s not a simp but will run to the nearest convenience store because you wanted a specific snack and he just wants to make his baby happy <3

-even if no problems were fixed, as long as you go to sleep happy, satisfied, and okay, he’s okay <3

soobin

-I feel like he texts you in regular intervals during the day asking if ur okay, so he knows before u get home because you spent your whole lunch break ranting about your day :0

-manages to SCRAMBLE home b4 you to run a hot bath (after nearly breaking down in a self care store because how the hell were there so many options for a bath bomb), make dinner (he heated up takeout), and some flowers from the local grocery store <2

-it meant the world to you though, you got to cry in a bathtub while eating takeout and complaining to Soobin about how horrible everything is and u just wanna curl up in a ball and like cry

-he’s nodding and listening the whole way through, offers advice and reassurance, he’s no therapist but he somehow helps talk you through ever incoherent sad thought u have

-he’s very grounding as well, if he recognizes you’re overreacting he’ll try to like…make you think straight LMAO

-he’s so…comforting….he can just sit there and you’ll feel okay around him, it’s one of his best traits.

-lets u hold Odi or shows you cute odi pics if ur rlly sad, talks about the stupid shit beomgyu did today, he wants you to think of happy things, he doesn’t want you to sit on a problem 4 too long

-once it’s fixed, put it behind you! he’ll do everything to get you out of ur little rut, the light at the end of the tunnel <3

-sobbing. he probably sends motivational gifs like the dork he is </3

-once you’re both in bed and u thank him for being the best boyfriend in the world, he’ll just kiss the crown of your head and hold you closer

-he’ll take on any problem with you, for you

beomgyu

-dawg doesn’t even realize ur upset and accidentally pokes a bit too far

-he’s kinda sensitive and he notices u came home very resigned and quiet, so he worries he didn’t something wrong or ur ignoring him, so he kinda annoys you by poking and tickling u until u literally start crying and he feels like the worst boyfriend ever

-immediately cradles u and is panicking wondering what to do and he’s just like “I’m so sorry baby, I’m sorry, are you okay? Did something happen? Was it me?”

-wikihow 2 comfort ur romantic partner is the first thing in his search history tbh

-once he realizes thank god it wasn’t him who made you cry, just a bad day, he is here to save the day!! he pops on your favorite show/movie, gets your snacks, and holds u all close and snuggly till you fall asleep

-if you want to talk, he suggests going on a walk. he’ll hold your hand the entire time, or he’ll find a playground and you two will sit on the swings while u let it all out

-he wants you to feel heard, but he mainly just wants to see u smile, so he’ll do his best to take your mind off it. he’ll play games w u, tell you stupid stories, make dumb jokes, etc etc…

-he’ll stay up all night w u until you feel better, except he might accidentally fall asleep during an episode of your favorite show and when you wake him up he’ll be like “I was awake the whole time!! tf!!”

-sigh. what a loser (endearingly)

-at the end of the day, all he wants is for you to completely forget about your day and just focus on having a super great rest of your night!

taehyun

-he’s very emotionally intelligent, so not only does he pick up on it, he works to fix it almost immediately

-he’s kinda pushy but in a healthy way, doesn’t let you run from your problems especially if you can fix them

-but he knows when he needs to push you and when he needs to just lie stagnant with you, reassures u it’s okay to sit on your problems, you have time! use it!

-lays on the floor with you and lets u rant and cry, you don’t really have the energy to climb to the couch and he doesn’t wanna force you any more than necessary

-“man, you will not believe what this bitch said to me, she said-“ and he’ll back you tf up “what did that bitch say??”

-but he’s kinda mean and will make u recognize when you’re being the problem, but he’ll always side w you if that makes sense?? Like, he’ll tell you that you’re the one causing trouble, but he’ll also be like “that’s ok tho bb you deserve the world”

-at some point he just picks u up and drops you on the bed, helps you change n stuff, and just holds you. it’s comforting and quiet, but his hugs r healing I swear

-rubs soothing circles into your back and strokes your hair, the sound of your heartbeat lulling you to sleep, GAWD youve reached true peace

-tells you that everything will be okay rather than everything is okay cuz he recognizes problems in the moment like that </3 love him

-also if ur NOT the problem and that coworker Vanessa is causing problems he will not hesitate to shit talk someone he’s never met!!

-but at the end of the day, he’s just this big supportive rock you can always lean on

-he reminds you he’s always there for you, even when you’re being a little bit silly teehee

hyuka

-kinda suspects something’s up but doesn’t want to push you, he gets that some people need their space. but when it’s starting to interfere with your night routine and you keep shooting down all his attempts at asking if ur okay, it’s time to bring out the big guns

-there are no big guns. he just wants you to feel safe enough to talk, and if you don’t want to talk because you a.) don’t know how to express itself or b.) you don’t want to, he’ll still comfort you

-but like, casually…yknow? sends you funny tik toks, cuddles you 10x more, brushes your hair for you, etc…But it doesn’t feel patronizing, not from him

-kai just has this angel energy so it doesn’t feel like he’s pitying you, it just feels like you’re having a fun night :>, he’ll do clay face masks w u and paint ur nails and gossip about the latest news, let’s you cuddle any one of his plushies and kisses you all over ur face because you look adorable

-if you feel ready to talk, then ok! he’s here to listen! probably not the best at giving advice, but he really makes it a point to make you feel heard at least. he wants you to know he’s there for you, even if he kinda struggles w it :,)

-at the end of ur extra fun night, he’ll reassure you and tell you how much he loves you, he hopes all this will give u a base for a better day tmrw

-falls asleep holding you tight, giving you lazy kisses from time to time

-he just wants you to feel loved and happy <3