#my therapist is breaking up with me on friday

[peacel0vemusic]

.

[burden-boy]

What this is the year I gave up on myself, I truly don't care what happens to me anymore, I'll let everything wither away until I do too

[perfectlyhappypumpkin]

I’ve been off tumblr a while now. Not that I think anyone’s noticed, but I just feel like word vomiting some feelings. So here we go…

My life has changed completely in this past year. Literally everything is different. My whole life has literally been flipped on it’s head.

I’ve never been so alone. I’m single, I’ve got no parents or grandparents left. The only aunts I have I don’t really talk to. I have one cousin who I don’t get to really see. I do have two brothers, but I’m not close to either of them.

My life is truly in my own hands, all by myself…

And truthfully I both love and hate it.

I’m so proud of myself for all that I’ve accomplished on my own so far, but I’m also so incredibly depressed and lost that it’s hard to keep doing what I have no choice but to do.

I don’t want to lose this new job I have. It’s in the field I want to work in. I hate that it’s overnights. And it’s incredibly boring. And I’m trying to do what I have to to focus on the future I wanna have.

But another part of me doesn’t really see a point. I wanna be able to take care of myself and pay my bills etc etc. but for what purpose? I’ve got no one to share life or experience with anymore. The world makes me sadder and sadder every day and bills just keep going up. And just life is shit.

I know there’s still good in the world… I’m just really struggling to see it these days…

That and I just miss my mom… it really sucks not even having her to talk to anymore. Especially when she’s the one I wanna tell everything to.

I’m trying so hard to get through this…

[sadesluvr]

Freak - Mike Schmidt x Reader (Songfic)

Mike dials a 1-800 number and gets more than what he asked for.

A/N: Reader is a secret sex guru, and an unlicensed therapist, 18+ only. I'm going to abuse the FUCK out of this GIF. Based on the song 'Freak' by Doja Cat!

Word count: 2.2K

Tags: SMUT / Sub! Mike, Dom! Reader / Fem!Reader / Handjobs / Edging / Unprotected sex / Creampies / Marijuana usage / Brief mention of contraceptives (the pill)

‘Call 1-800-2323 for the answer to your troubles. Enlightenment is just a phone call away!’

Mike looked down at the card in his hands, given to him by Abby’s wellbeing officer out of concern for his personal troubles. He’d never read too much into spirituality, but considering psychoanalysis hadn’t gotten him much further than his usual dream it couldn’t hurt to try, right?

The dial rang, and he expected to hear a raspy elderly woman with a smoker's cough. What he didn’t expect was a lively, young voice at the other end of the line.

“…How may I be of assistance?”

“Uh — There’s something in my past — It’s been bothering me for practically my whole life…I need help finding the answers…”

“Hm,” the voice hummed. “Vague, but I sense you’re holding back…I like ‘em that way…Name?”

Freak like me You want a good girl that does bad things to you You never been with no one as nasty as me Spice up your life, come get a freak Freak like me

“Mike Schmidt,”

You'd heard of him from your mom’s friend.

“I’ll book you in for Friday at 8PM,”

“Okay…How much will I owe you? Money’s a little tight right now…”

“Don’t worry. It’s all free of charge,”

Tied him down to my queen bed Tease him just enough to hate me  Tied it tight enough, he can't break free  Keep him waiting 'til he try This can go one of two ways We could flip the coin, I'll be your slave  Call you daddy, give me a nickname I ain't afraid of a little pain (No, I ain't 'fraid of a little pain)

He showed up at the address listed on the card a little after 8PM and rang the doorbell, his hands in his pockets as he scanned his surroundings. You, the mysterious voice, answered the door, and you briefly took his breath away, dressed in a nude, flesh coloured spaghetti strap dress that stopped halfway on your thighs, paired with a sultry smile.

“You must be Mike,” you grin. “Come in,”

The interaction is brief, and he follows you to the couch, an armchair sat traditionally opposite like it would in a therapist office. You gesture for him to take a seat and he does, already feeling like he was under a spell. His eyes glance down briefly at your bare legs as you cross one over the other, letting out a soft moan as you got comfortable. Blood was slowly and suddenly draining from his face to his cock, and he moved his hands to cover the issue, which didn’t go unnoticed to you.

“So, Mike…What is it that’s haunting you?”

He wanted some'n else and he wanna be selfish He wanted them three rounds, DC had to come help him Look, I know your position Try to squeeze in the full nelson though Beat on it, beat, beat on it, mercy like a black belt give Daddy the grand master, daddy, I want it faster Them bitches you fuckin' with, I know they gon' need some practice So bring 'em along wit' ya, I'll teach 'em how to smash ya When I made a little mess on it, he told me to clean my act up

He told you everything; from his brother’s abduction to the breakdown of his family and his living situation with his sister. He was a tortured soul, and he just needed a bit of release. You were so, so glad he’d been referred to you.

“I empathise with you, Mike,” you sigh, leaning in. “It must be hard,”

Hard. Painfully hard.

“Do you mind if I sit next to you?” you say coyly, and he shakes his head. You notice he licks his lips as you get up, recognising how the dress is clinging to your body and beginning to bunch up your thighs. For a split second he gets a glimpse of your black lace panties, and his now fully hard cock twitches in his jeans. 

He wants you, and he’s almost certain you want him too, but a deeper part of him wants to let it play out. For once, he’s not in control of all of the decisions and he wants to keep it that way.

“What I’m hearing is that the route of your issue is frustration,” you say, eyes locked on his as you reach out to run your fingers through his messy locks. “When was the last time you ever thought about yourself?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t - I can’t — How is this going to help me find who took Garrett?”

“Because you’re thinking too hard, and it complicates things. It’s time to redirect your attention,” you purr, dragging your vowels so that it produces a tone that sends shivers down his spine. 

“…How?” he chokes, eyes wide and pupils dilated. You’re so fucking close to him now, and he thinks he might burst. You smell like weed and sex, and he can’t stop staring at the way your strap is sliding down your arms.

You slide off your dress in a quick motion, revealing your bare body. Mike is rabid now, unable to stop staring at your hardened nipples and the barely there material of your panties.

Freak like me (Tryna freak you down) You want a good girl that does bad things to you You never been with no one as nasty as me Spice up your life, come get a freak

“I’m gonna touch you, Mike,” you say simply, and it holds a thousand words. “And then you’re gonna fuck me,”

Hey, I could take a big bat, bet that he thinkin' this a game Hey, batter, batter swing, you could put it on a swing Freak like a triple XXX flick, put her on a chain This pussy off the chain, this kitty insane I could fuck him in the rain, I could fuck him in the Range (Uh) I could fuck him every day (Uh), I'ma fuck him 'til he sang (Uh) Milkshake bring the boys to the yard, I'ma need the whipped cream Ain't ever been vanilla, honey, just wait until you get a taste

He knows he can say no, but relaxes into your touch. One hand rubs his upper torso, massaging his tight muscles as the other is wrapped around his neck as you plant gentle kisses along his cheek and neck before you move to his lips. His kiss is eager, and he wastes no time in finding your tongue with his own. 

He needs this so fucking badly, and he doesn’t want to let go.

The kiss continues as you begin to claw at his body, and he briefly pulls away to tug off his jacket and shirt before resuming the make out session. His body tenses as your hands make their way down his chest, down towards the beginning of his happy trail. He desperately wants you to continue the skin-to-skin contact, but you slide your hands over his jeans instead, squeezing him through the material. 

He furrowed his eyebrows and let out a small whimper, earning a gasp from you. He was so pretty.

“That’s it, baby. Don’t hold back…”

Skirt off, fuck in the backseat Take that shirt off, baby, put it on me Got me like, "Yeehaw," ride it like a horsey Kinda like see-saw, up and down on the D, give it to him

You relieve his frustration by hastily pulling at his belt and unbuttoning his jeans, leaving him in his briefs. They were black and you could see a clear wad of precum that had been built up over the past hour. Wasting no time, Mike lets out a louder moan as you slide the material down, his cock springing up onto his pelvis. It’s average sized, but with a slightly thicker girth, and is bright pink with want.

“Kiss me,” you instruct, and he nods. His lips find the crevice of your neck and collarbone as you begin to grip his shaft, his tip between your thumb and index finger as you squeeze out some remaining precum, the liquid pooling around your fingers.

It’s pure pleasure for him as you take the entirety of his cock in your hands, slowly beginning to jerk him off, not forgetting to cup his balls as you do. He throws his head back as his hands clench, physical pressure dissipating as you take his hands in your own, guiding it to your breast.

“Fuck…” Mike groans, beginning to massage the skin as you coo in his ear, your grip tightening and fastening on his cock. Four of his senses are overstimulated, and the icing on the cake is your unrelenting sultry stare, making sure you were attending to his every need.

You were the goddess he never knew he could have.

Freak like me (Need a freak like me) You want a good girl that does bad things to you (You want a good girl) You never been with no one as nasty as me Spice up your life, come get a freak Do, do-do, do-do, do-do (Now you need a freak)

You could feel him shudder underneath you and knew he was loosening up, edging closer to orgasm. His whimpers and groans were now louder, and he’d found the confidence to latch onto your nipples, pawing at the skin with his hand whilst his tongue swirled along the hardened bud.

Spreading your legs over his, you angled his face towards you as, taking in his hazel eyes. 

“Touch me, Mike,” you said, gaze flickering down to your pussy. “Touch me like I’m touching you…”

He moves away from your breasts to make his way between your legs, his fingers sliding into your wet cunt. He lets out a deep sigh at the sensation, feeling rather proud of himself as you begin to writhe against him.

“Is this good?” he asks, sliding a second finger into you. 

“So good,” you moan. “You’re so good for me, Mike,”

His heart and his cock swells, and your bodies begin to move in sync. He quickly finds your clit as your pace quickens on his cock, and you both begin to reach a point of ecstasy.

“Y/N…” he whimpers, lips wet and eyes glassy. “I’m gonna—“

“I know, baby,” you whisper on his lips. “But not yet,” you say abruptly, and draw away. He’s shocked, and stares at you open mouthed.

You respond with nothing but a smile.

“I’m only here to guide you to enlightenment, not give. You have to do the rest,”

He’s totally blank.

“Let go, Mike. I’m here,” you say sweetly, and it feels strangely romantic. “Take me…Do you want me on top, or bottom?”

“Top,” he responds without hesitation. “You’re beautiful,”

Mike can barely contain his euphoria. You, a literal sex goddess, are sat on his lap, body on full display as he fucks up into your tight, wet pussy. The pleasure is almost painful, and he’s almost worried that he’s hurting you by the way his hands are gripped on your hips and his thrusts are desperate and sloppy. All the anger and frustration from his past was slowly unravelling, and judging by the knot in his stomach, so was he.

Freak like me Freak like me (You never, you never, you never been) You want a good girl that does bad things to you You never been with no one as nasty as me Spice up your life, come get a freak (You need a freak) Do, do-do, do-do, do-do (You need a freak) Freak like me (Like me, papa)

“Oh fuck,” you whine. “You’re perfect, Mike. So perfect,”

You weren’t lying, he looked gorgeous; pussy drunk and sweating, his frayed bangs clinging to his forehead in an odd pattern. Your lips met once again as he pulled you into him by your waist, the kiss sloppy as he drew his cock deeper into your cunt, hitting all of the right areas. 

“I’m so close Mike,” you whined. “Cum for me…”

“Where…?” he whispered. He couldn’t decide whether he wanted to see you covered in his cum, or see it seep out of you and down your thighs. 

“Wherever you feel best,” you said devilishly, before placing your lips to his ear. “I’m on the pill,”

The words sent him over the edge as he came, hot and heavy spurts of cum filling into your warmth as you finished along with him. Mike bit his lip as he held you close, almost on the verge of tears as you soothed him through the last of his orgasm. A weight had suddenly been lifted away, and he could feel his eyes grow heavy with tiredness.

After a few moments you pulled away from each other, your nude bodies dropping to either side of the couch. Still high from orgasm, you pulled your dress back on and leant over the armrest to open a drawer, not oblivious to the way Mike was staring at you fondly.

Babe, you never been with no one nastier than me Oh, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby Put your head on my shoulder Hold me in your arms, baby Squeeze me oh so tight Show me that you love me too

“Wanna blaze?” You asked, holding a joint to your lips. He paused in thought, not wanting to let go of the moment before answering.

“Can I use your phone?”

You nodded and gestured to the phone, watching as Mike dialled a number. 

“Hey, Max - Can you put Abby on the phone? Something’s come up and I can’t make it home tonight…”

[elliesmainhoe]

TLOU MASTERLIST

ELLIE WILLIAMS

TLOU2 / Older Ellie

HEADCANONS:

Feminine!Reader

Feminine!Reader Part2

Boxer!Ellie

Sugar Mommy!Ellie

Knight!Ellie X Princess!Reader

Knight!Ellie X Princess!Reader Part2

Period comfort

Streamer!Ellie

Bodyguard!Ellie X Singer!Reader

Housewife!Ellie

Housewife!Reader

Dealer!Ellie X GoodGirl!Reader

Tattooist!Ellie

Tattooist!Ellie Part2

Hockey!Ellie X Cheerleader!reader

Stubborn!Reader

Delinquent!Ellie

SingleMom!Reader

Vampire!Ellie

Vampire!Ellie Part2

Ballerina!Reader

Pregnant!reader

Singer!Reader

Hip-Hop Dancer!reader

Rockstar!Ellie

Masc!reader

Introvert!reader X Introvert!Ellie

Affectionate!reader

Actress!reader

She calls you mommy

Goth / grunge reader

Reader with ADHD

Bossy!reader

Ellie on her period

Streamer!Reader

Reader is Maria and Tommy's daughter

Taller!Reader

Reader with OCD

make-up artist!reader X streamer!Ellie

Older sister!Reader

Insecure!reader

Apologetic!reader

Deaf/ hard of hearing!reader

RichOlderWoman!Ellie

southern!reader

loser!ellie

having a baby with her (biologically)

ONESHOTS:

You deserve more

Summary: after you caught your boyfriend making out with another girl at a bar, you call Ellie for a ride home. (MODERN AU)

Reckless

Summary: While working, Joel comes in and tells you that your girlfriend, Ellie, was injured on patrol.

Protecter

Summary: After sneaking out, Ellie protects you from some unwanted attention. (KNIGHT!ELLIE X PRINCESS!READER)

New Year's Day

Summary: You and Ellie host your first ever New years Eve party, and as you both clean up the mess your friends had left in their wake.

Can I take a picture? (Out soon)

Summary: You, an architecture student, decide to spend yor three months off for summer break exploring and visiting classic Victorian houses, seeing beautiful structures and meeting eccentric people. (VAMPIRE!ELLIE)

MULTI-PART:

PROFESSOR - Pt 2 - Pt 3 ✓

Summary: After Dina forced you to go to her new physics teachers public lecture, you start developing feelings for the professor. (PROFESSOR!ELLIE X STUDENT!READER)

PLAYER TWO - Pt 2 - Pt 3

Summary: A series of imagine entailing the chaos you and streamer!Ellie cause together. (STREAMER!ELLIE)

MOTIVATION - Pt 2

Summary: You become your girlfriends physical therapist. (BOXER!ELLIE)

Why?! (PART 2 OUT SOON)

Summary: it was bound to happen sooner or later. I mean Joel slaughtering all the fireflies seven years ago was a pretty hard secret to be kept quiet- but you still wish it never reached Ellie's ears.

IMAGINES:

Phone S*x NSFW

Summary: You send Ellie a nude when she's abroad on a business trip. (SugarMommy!Ellie)

Play for me

Summary: After Ellie lost her fingers she longed to play the guitar again, so you played for her.

Jackson's Love Hotel NSFW

Summary:Your favourite customer needs to relax after a very stressful patrol and comes to you for some relief. (Brothel Worker!Reader)

Ask your daughter

Summary: Eventful late night escapades makes Ellie a no-show for patrol. (Maria+Tommy's daughter!Reader)

Miss me sugar?

Summary: After three months of deployment, Ellie finally returns home. (Military!Ellie)

Tattooed on my heart

Summary: Ellie's always loved when you doodle on her arm, leaving behind traces of you. She loves them so much she wants them to stay forever.

Super Graphic Ultra Modern Girl

Summary: wasting a Friday night on a first date with a boy you've never met in person was a dumb idea- and surprise! it all goes to shit- but Ellie's there to make sure you have a good time! DAY 2 OF SAPPHIC SUMMER

SAPPHO

Summary: Ellie pulls up outside of your house, ready to take you on a first date. DAY 3 OF SAPPHIC SUMMER

Rescue Remedy

summary: you call Ellie to come and rescue you from a bar after having a few too many drinks DAY 4 OF SAPPHIC SUMMER

SOCIAL MEDIA AU:

(strictly texts and insta posts)

Texts with Ellie

Part 1

Part 2

ABBY ANDERSON

TLOU2

HEADCANONS:

Doctor!reader

Anxious!Reader

Farmer!Abby

Werewolf!Abby

Masc!reader

ONESHOTS:

(Nothing here yet)

MULTI-PART:

HUNTED (PART 2 OUT SOON)

Summary: Although you stopped Abby from killing Joel, Ellie still wants to seek her revenge.

IMAGINES:

Sundress Season NSFW

Summary: A picnic date can really only end one way~ DAY 1 OF SAPPHIC SUMMER

Hayfever

Summary: you've fallen sick, and you don't want Abby to get sick too- she says it's just hay-fever. DAY 5 OF SAPPHIC SUMMER

HBO ELLIE WILLIAMS

HBO TLOU ADAPTATION

!!THIS CHARACTER IS UNDER 18! SO IT WILL BE PLATONIC!!

HEADCANONS:

(Nothing here yet)

ONESHOTS:

GOODNIGHT, MOM

Summary: After helping Ellie down from a panic attack, she calls you Mom for the first time. (MotherFigure!Reader)

MULTI-PART:

(Nothing here yet)

IMAGINES:

Happy Mothers Day

Summary: The first mothers day Ellie has ever celebrated and she's going to make sure that it's amazing. (MotherFigure!Reader)

I LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT

coming soon

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!!

I write for:

Ellie Williams (Romantic + Platonic)

Abby Anderson (Romantic + Platonic)

HBO Ellie Williams (PLATONIC)

[elliesbelle]

nobody compares to you

chapter 10

pairing: ellie x reader

synopsis: you're in your junior year of college and at a party, you run into the girl who broke your heart: ellie williams. despite the time it took to reset your life, will you risk a broken heart again for her?

content warnings: modern college au, cursing, angst, descriptions of alcohol, straight men eww, unwanted advances, reader is implied to be shorter than both abby and ellie (if you think you're not, let's just pretend for a line or two for the sake of storytelling lol), descriptions of sexual harassment, descriptions of physical violence, minors do not interact

word count: 5.5k

chapters: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen

series masterlist

my masterlist

i have a ko-if if you like my work so much that you feel compelled to tip me ♡︎

the "nobody compares to you" spotify playlist

featuring the equal creatures song "waiting in the wings"

Friday night came a little too quickly for your liking. After much consideration, you’d settled on a pink bomber jacket with a white corset top and black leggings for your outing at the Bow and Arrow. You contemplate wearing your usual black boots, but you decide for tonight to give your feet a rest from being covered with painful blisters. While you meticulously add finishing touches to your makeup, your phone buzzes furiously on your bathroom counter. You tap it to reveal a text from Abby.

You allow yourself a tiny smile at Abby’s banter before setting your phone back down. 

After you decide that you’re satisfied with your appearance, you spray yourself with hints of a freesia perfume Tara had gifted you for your birthday last year. Normally, you’d wear your signature lavender fragrance, but you’d figured that even tiny advances outside of your comfort zone were a good, healthy first step to moving forward with your life. You wonder silently if Abby would notice and like it. 

You spend the next couple of minutes pacing all around your living room, occasionally bouncing up and down on your tiptoes in sheer nervousness. When you hear three gentle knocks on your front door, your heart jumps out of your chest. You breathe in deeply from between pursed, painted lips, just the way your old therapist taught you, before striding over to anxiously turn the doorknob and reveal Abby waiting expectantly. 

She was wearing a brown, button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up over her muscled forearms and the top two buttons undone. Her dirty blonde hair was in her usual tight braid and fell down her back. She has her hands tucked into the front pockets of her black slacks and upon laying eyes on you, her face breaks out in a wide smile. 

“Well, good evening, pretty lady,” She greets you. “You look very nice tonight.” 

“You’re looking pretty suave yourself,” You reply, ignoring the rising heat in your cheeks. 

Abby smirks. 

“You ready to go?” She asks. 

“Mhmm,” You murmur, reaching for your purse & keys from the entryway table before closing and locking your front door behind you. “Lead the way, Miss Anderson.” 

You and Abby chat about your respective days on the way to the Bow and Arrow. You take the bus part-way, sitting next to her towards the back. It isn’t lost on you the way Abby’s hand twitches almost expectantly to hold yours, but you can’t summon enough courage in the moment to welcome the action. Though your body yearned for the physical intimacy, something else inside didn’t feel right just yet. However, you did at least allow yourself to take Abby’s hand for a few, short moments when she helped you out of your seat, and then again when she helped you hop off of the bus. 

The sun had almost entirely set by now, your shadows mainly illuminated by the lampposts and lights from the nearby shops and restaurants along the street. After several minutes of skipping next to Abby, you start to see the vague outline of the Bow and Arrow from a distance. Your fingers start to nervously fidget and you feel yourself chewing the inside of your lip in apprehensive anticipation. 

Making up an excuse to turn around and go home right now would be simple enough, though a little sudden and impolite. For the past day, you’d been trying to focus diligently on your schoolwork and classes so as not to dwell too far on what tonight could bring. However, the reality was starting to set in and your hands became clammier with every tentative step you took towards your destination. Perhaps it was a preemptively good idea not to take Abby’s hand earlier. 

You turn towards Abby, who hasn’t noticed your apparent restlessness. She looks completely at ease, confident as she always was. She oozes of enthusiasm, clearly looking forward to the night out. You sigh discreetly, resolving to at least make an effort to live it up, even just for a few hours. You make sure not to let your eyes wander too far towards the familiar, dark alleyway next to the bar. 

When reaching the entrance, you’d already pulled out your ID to flash at the bouncer, who lazily glances at it before handing it back to you and nodding you forward. The bouncer doesn’t card Abby and instead, gets up from their stool to clasp her hand and pat her back. 

“Yo, what’s up, Anderson?” The bouncer says in welcome. 

“Hey, Cam,” Abby replies. “Didn’t know you were working tonight.” 

“We’re not all doctors, man. Gotta pay those bills somehow.” 

“Not a doctor yet, dude.” Abby chuckles. 

“Yeah, yeah,” The bouncer waves her off nonchalantly. “You go enjoy your night.” 

You stand there and watch the interaction in both awkwardness and admiration. Abby really did know everyone around, even outside of campus. 

“Come on,” Abby motions you to follow her. “I think I see some of my friends here already.” 

You nod your head and trail after her timidly. 

Your wary eyes explore the bar, slowly taking in how it’s changed since the last time you’d visited. They’d added another TV among the line-up against one of the walls, and there were numerous amounts of low-lit string lights now hanging from the ceiling. You recognize a couple of the bartenders working tonight, in addition to a few more who seemed fairly new. They’d hung up a large version of the original rainbow Pride flag by a window in the front right next to the blue-pink-and-white transgender one. But even with these few new changes, the place looks generally the same. You secretly wish it didn’t, afraid that the daunting familiarity might trigger some unpleasant memories. 

Abby leads you towards a group of people gathered around one of the wall-mounted television screens where a Nintendo 64 was hooked up to. Three of them were engaged in an intense game of Mario Kart, all yelling at each other over both the race course music and a SZA song currently blasting through the bar’s speakers. Their spectating friends were heckling genially and cheering them on as the race ended with whichever player competing as Yoshi finishing in first place. 

“That’s how it’s done, bitches!” A guy who you recognize as Abby’s friend Jordan from the other day proclaims in triumph. 

“Whatever, asshole. You only won ‘cause I slipped on a banana peel during the second lap.” A girl wearing a black leather jacket to his left complains. 

“Excuses, excuses,” Jordan waves off, shaking his head mockingly. “Sounds like a serious skill issue to me.” 

“Leah, you better get your man right now before I beat his ass.” 

As you and Abby approach the group, one of her friends leaning against the wall looks up from the bickering to meet Abby’s gaze. 

“Yo, Abs, finally!” He says, beckoning her over. He was a tall, beefy man with his black hair tied up in a man bun and his face covered with a full beard. You knew he was one of Abby’s close friends, but you couldn’t remember which one he was. 

“You missed me that much, Alvarez?” Abby taunts, nudging him in the shoulder before grasping his outreached hand in greeting. 

“Cocky asshole,” Her friend chuckles. “Please save me from the torture of watching Jordan and Nora bitch at each other over this game all night.” 

“Why’d you even let them near this again after the last time we were here?” 

Abby and her friend jest for a moment or two before you’re eventually acknowledged. 

“So anyway, who’s this?” He asks. 

“Oh, right—” Abby says apologetically before introducing you. 

“Nice to meet you,” Her friend responds. “Manny. Have we met before?” 

“I’m not sure, honestly,” You admit. “I haven’t really been the most social or noticeable person of late.” 

“Pretty girl like you? Nah, I’m sure that’s not true.” Manny remarks boldly. 

You freeze at his unwanted flattery, which Abby doesn’t notice. You wonder internally what the hell her obviously and painfully straight guy friend was doing at this lesbian bar. 

Abby proceeds to acquaint you with the rest of her friend group: Jordan, Leah, Nora, Nick, and Jay. Jordan, Nora, and Jay were the three holding the controllers connected to the video game console, each either saying hello or nodding towards you in friendly greeting. The guy Nick who wore a black beanie raised his can of beer towards your direction when Abby introduced him before uttering a simple “wassup” to you. Next to Jordan is a girl with long black hair tied back in a low ponytail. Abby introduces her as Leah, after which she smiles sweetly at you. 

After she’s named all her friends, Abby turns towards you. 

“Wanna grab a drink?” She questions. 

“Yes, please.” You reply gratefully. 

You follow her to the semi-crowded bar where she settles on a somehow unoccupied barstool, you taking a seat on the one next to her. 

“What would you like, pretty girl?” Abby asks. 

“Umm, vodka cranberry, maybe?” You say. 

Abby smiles and nods before raising her hand to grab the attention of a bartender. After a few moments, she’s able to flag one down. 

“Can I get a vodka cranberry and a blue motorcycle?” She yells over the music, pulling out her wallet and handing over her credit card. “And start a tab?” 

“No worries, Abby,” The bartender smiles, taking her card. “Light ice on the motorcycle?” 

“Please.” 

The bartender nods as they swipe Abby’s card on the POS system before handing it back to her and walking to the side to prepare your drinks. 

“So you come here a whole lot, huh?” You remark as you both wait. 

“What makes you say that?” Abby asks, turning her body to face you better. 

“Everyone around here seems to know who you are.” 

“Nah, I’m just that cool and hot and popular that just about everyone knows my name anywhere I go.” Abby teases arrogantly. 

You laugh, rolling your eyes at her cockiness. 

“You are so full of yourself, Miss Anderson.” 

“Anything to make you laugh, pretty girl.” 

You and Abby banter for a minute or two before your respective drinks are placed in front of you, the bartender additionally handing you each a napkin. 

“Okay, so what the hell did you order?” You inquire of Abby, eyeing her turquoise-coloured beverage. 

“You’ve never had a blue motorcycle before?” 

“Hey, I’m a simple gal; I know only like, four or five different names of basic alcohol. Two of which are vodka.” 

Abby throws her head back, laughing boisterously. 

“Oh, man, are you really that much of a grandma?” She teases you. 

“Absolutely,” You joke. “I just shape-shifted for tonight to give the appearance of a 20-something-year-old college student so as not to be judged for my wild, party animal habits.” 

“God, you are so nerdy,” Abby chuckles. “Good thing you’re really cute.” 

You roll your eyes at her once more before taking a sip of your drink. 

“How’s your very basic and boring vodka cranberry?” Abby quips. 

“Oh, fuck off,” You giggle. “How’s your weird, little smurf drink?” 

“Extremely delicious, thank you so much for asking.” She responds. “Want a taste?” 

You grimace. 

“What!” Abby exclaims, chuckling. 

“I’m not exactly the most adventurous when it comes to what I put in my body.” 

“Well, there’s a first time for everything.” Abby offers, sliding over her blue drink towards your direction. 

“What the hell is even in it?” 

“Oh, just try it, you fucking wimp!” 

You whine in hesitation before bringing the cup up to your pursed lips, taking the most minuscule of sips. 

“Oh, come on!” Abby complains as you place the drink back down. “That was barely fucking anything!” 

“You wanted me to drink it, so I drank it!” 

“Chug it like a fucking man!” 

“Are you trying to get me drunk tonight, Miss Anderson?” 

“Drink it.” Abby tauntingly asserts. 

You purse your lips once more before relenting to take a much bigger gulp from the cup. As you slam the drink back down onto the bar and slide it back towards Abby, you scowl at the mixture of different flavours staining the surface of your tongue. 

“What the hell did you just fucking poison me with?” You grumble, your mouth salivating in disgust. 

“Calm down, you big baby, it’s just some basic liquor with a bit of Blue Curaçao mixed in.” Abby chuckles. “You know, rum, tequila, gin.” 

“Oh god, tequila?” You anxiously chuckle. “Well, get ready for just about anything to happen tonight.” 

“Oh?” 

“Tequila is my sworn enemy and weakness.” You admit. “Never know what’s gonna happen when I’ve got that shit in my system.” 

“Is that so?” Abby asks, placing her elbows on the bar and her chin on top of her interlocked hands. “I’m very much intrigued to know more.” 

“I’m sure you are.” You say, taking a generous sip from your own drink. 

“Any other weaknesses that you care to share with the class?” She coaxes. 

You lean in close enough for her to hear you whisper pointedly, “I guess you’ll just have to find out for yourself, Miss Anderson.” 

As the night goes by gradually and the more intoxicated you get, the more at ease you begin to feel. Abby’s friends eventually reveal that a local band was going to be playing a few songs live on the rooftop dancefloor later on, and you all liquor up in case they turn out to be an amateur disaster. 

Though they weren’t exactly your crowd, Abby’s friend group was generally amiable and sociable. She made sense amongst them, all of them having established a repartee with her and not being intimidated like a lot of people were. You didn’t care much for her guy friends, who were slightly crude & vulgar and all of whom you could easily tell were straight and who you felt had no place being in a lesbian bar. But with the rest, you generally got along well with. 

You piece together that the nice girl Leah is Jordan’s girlfriend from the way they stuck to each other’s side as much as possible. She was friendly, always including you in the conversations and acknowledging when you spoke.

Often standing beside her was Jay, who Abby at some point quietly whispers to you is her best friend. Next to Abby, she was the most outwardly lesbian-looking one in the group. She wore a sports cap backwards over her long, straight black hair and a grey hoodie underneath an old, dishevelled jean jacket. Her fingers were decorated with several silver rings, and you saw hints of tattoos whenever she would stretch her arms out and cause her sleeves to ride up slightly. Her rather short stature was dwarfed by her rambunctious character, often making you giggle at her drunken jabs at straight people. 

The girl Nora was who aroused the most curiosity from you out of the whole friend group. She was slim, athletic-looking, and very beautiful. Her dark, kinky hair was worn in a tight, high bun, apart from a few ringlets that fell effortlessly down the sides of her face. She wore a tight, black leather jacket that hugged her form nicely. From both her physical appearance and disposition, she gave off the vibe of the beautiful, mysterious love interest to the main character in a romantic indie film. She seemed to have this easy, welcoming banter with everyone, especially Abby. You wonder to yourself if there was something there between them before realizing that it was none of your business. 

You were surprised at how much of a good time you were having. Abby was by your side for most of the night, often nudging your shoulder playfully, explaining references, or whispering flirty comments in your ear. She paid for both of your drinks, to which you reprimanded her for the entire time, even up until she closed out her tab when you’d both had enough to drink. You were enjoying yourself to the point where you’d almost forgotten the significance this bar held for you. 

A little while before the promised local band were set to make their appearance, another friend of Abby’s belatedly joined the group. 

A gust of cold, autumn wind blew in unkindly from the outside when the front door of the bar opened to receive another patron. Your eyes unwittingly wander towards the movement, suddenly widening when they fall on the face of the familiar newcomer. 

Your ex-girlfriend Adriana strides into the bar, scanning the place for her friends. Your rattled and petrified state is short-lived when Jordan spots her as well and hails her over. 

“Yo! Adriana! Over here!” He calls. 

As Abby and the rest of her friends greet her and playfully berate her for her tardiness, you shrink behind the group as you attempt to compose yourself. Though it had ended amicably between you two, it had still been several years since you’d actually come face-to-face with Adriana. You’d never established a friendship with her afterwards despite it all, still feeling too much guilt for hooking up with her friend almost immediately after your breakup. 

Adriana leisurely makes her way through the group, greeting each one jovially. After she laughed at an inside joke Nora had uttered to her, you concede silently that you couldn’t avoid being seen by her any further, not without resorting to running to the bathroom and hiding for the rest of the night. You slowly step out behind Abby’s tall, burly figure, attempting not to draw attention to yourself and trying to ease back into the situation naturally. 

After a few moments, Adriana’s eyes fall on you. You see the recognition slowly setting in by the expression on her face and once you can tell that she’s realized who you were, she gives you a small smile. She doesn’t say anything to you and continues to engage in conversation with others, but you feel a little less awkwardness after you return her smile. Though your chest still feels a bit tight from the tension, you’re slightly more relieved and at ease knowing that Adriana still kept her word after all these years of having no ill will towards you. 

Several minutes after Adriana’s arrival, you saw other patrons starting to head towards the rooftop, and your group eventually followed suit. Once you reach the next floor, you see a small stage where a few instruments were already in place and a couple of band members were setting up for the show. Your group chatters amongst themselves as you all wait patiently. 

Abby taps your shoulder at one point to let you know she was heading back down to use the restroom for a second. You giggle and tell her she didn’t need to let you know, to which she rolls her eyes humorously and promises she won’t be gone for too long. As she walks away, you realize that on her other side was Adriana and that you were now stuck standing side-by-side with each other. 

“H-hey, Adriana.” You say, giving her a slightly uncomfortable smile. 

“Hey. Didn’t know I was gonna see you here tonight.” She responds lightheartedly. 

“Yeah, Abby invited me out.” You explain. 

“Oh, I see. I didn’t know that you two still talked.” 

“Honestly, we reconnected only recently.” 

“Ahh, I see.” 

There was a moment or two of silence where you were unsure of how to proceed with the conversation. Luckily, Adriana seemed comfortable enough to continue speaking. 

“So how have you been since we last saw each other?” She asks you. 

“Oh, umm,” You begin slowly. You didn’t feel the most comfortable sharing the traumatic shit show your life has been the past two years with your ex-girlfriend, so you settle for a simple “same old, same old” at the moment. 

“That’s good.” She replies. 

“How about you?” 

“Swamped as fuck with all my courses. I honestly wasn’t gonna come out tonight ‘cause I was busy as hell trying to get some work done. That’s why I was late. But my partner is actually in the band that’s performing tonight, and I wanted to be supportive.” 

“Oh, that’s really sweet of you. I’m sure they’ll appreciate you being here.” 

“Just wanna be a good and loyal girlfriend, that’s all.” 

Another lull follows. Adriana seems perfectly calm and content with the silence, but you continue to struggle internally with overdue guilt. You decide that dealing with the discomfort for the rest of the night wasn’t worth it. 

“Hey, uhh,” You start. “By the way, I’m sorry about how things went down between us. You know, how we ended and all.” 

“Hey, ancient history.” She assures. “It was honestly fun while it lasted, but I still think it was for the best.” 

“Still, I honestly do still regret how I was back then.” 

“Nah, don’t be so hard on yourself. I don’t think it would have worked out regardless.” 

“Yeah, I guess so.” You hesitantly agree. “Probably should have put in more effort on my part, though.” 

“I don’t really think that was the case,” Adriana says. “It was just sort of obvious at one point that you were just way into someone else so much more than you were into me.” 

You cringe. 

Damn. Was I that bad at hiding how much I liked Abby back then? Sorry for being such a shitty girlfriend, Adriana… 

“Was I that obvious?” You ask remorsefully, grimacing. 

“A little,” Adriana chuckles. “But it’s okay. She was obviously more your type than I was.” 

“You think?” 

“I mean, I think Ellie Williams is a lot of girls’ type, at least around here.” 

Everything around you freezes immediately as you feel your heart come to a stop. Your throat closes up at the same time that your hands grow cold and clammy. 

E-Ellie? 

Before you’re able to wrench yourself from your petrified state, Adriana speaks again. 

“Oh, I think I see my partner up there. I’m gonna move up closer, but I’ll meet up with you guys later on, okay?” 

She glances at you for half a second to give a short farewell smile before walking towards the stage where another band member with an electric guitar slung around their shoulders has joined the others. 

You remain suspended in the moment Adriana had left you behind with. The rest of Abby’s friend group was busy drunkenly conversing with one another to notice your near-comatose state. A deafening ringing resonates in your ears, the sounds of the expectant crowd and the tuning of instruments completely drowned out. 

Ellie… 

Your eyes wander towards the middle of the dancefloor that is currently occupied by unfamiliar audience members. Without warning, you’re suddenly and unwillingly ripped back into your memories. 

“Look, I’m really not interested!” You yelled over the music blaring from the DJ station on the stage. “I’m sorry!” 

“Oh, come on,” A woman at least ten years your senior griped. “We’re just dancing! Doesn’t have to mean anything!” 

You attempted to tug her hands away that were clutching your hips far too intimately, but her grip was tight and unrelenting. 

“Please, just leave me alone!” You implored the handsy stranger. 

“Don’t be like that now!” She exclaims. “Let’s just see where this takes us and—” 

Her sentence was cut short by a sudden fist in the air colliding with her face. Even over the loud bass drops, you could hear a crunch that you were almost sure was the sound of the woman’s nose being broken. 

“What the FUCK, you fucking cunt!” She screamed. 

You looked over at your saviour assailant to see an outraged Ellie. 

“You like harassing innocent girls, bitch?” Ellie spat. “Don’t know how to keep your hands to yourself? Well, it seems like I can’t either.” 

You saw Ellie winding up to attack once more, and you quickly grabbed her right arm before she could move any further. 

“Ellie! Ellie, it’s okay, I’m fine! It’s not that—” 

“This bitch thinks she can do whatever the fuck she wants to you!” Ellie hissed towards the stranger who was slowly retreating into the crowd, cowering at Ellie’s growing fury. 

“It’s okay, I’m not hurt!” 

“It’s not fucking okay!” 

“Ellie, baby, please, let’s just move—” 

The rest of your sentence was cut off when Ellie angrily marched off towards the staircase leading back down to the main floor of the bar. 

You nearly tripped over your high-heeled boots trying to run after her. 

“Ellie!” 

A firm hand on your shoulder transports you back to the present. You jump and look up to see Abby has returned, your hazy eyes meeting her blue ones. 

“You good?” Abby asks. 

“Oh, um, yeah, sorry.” You utter. “Just spaced out there for a second.” 

Abby chuckles and says, “Already lost without me even after a few minutes, pretty girl?” 

You give her flirty joke a half-hearted smile before turning towards the stage, realizing that the band is about to play. 

They start out with their own rendition of Paramore’s “All I Wanted,” and you note to yourself that they were actually quite good. But as they progress through the song, you find yourself unable to fully concentrate on their performance. 

Ellie… 

Abby and her friends cheer and yell in support as the music comes to a momentary end. You barely register the lead singer introducing their next song, an original of theirs called “Waiting in the Wings.” 

You feel Abby move closer towards you, her body radiating heat onto you. At this sudden contact, you force yourself to be more present in the moment and attempt to push all thoughts of Ellie out of your mind. 

The song begins in a minor key, starting off slow as the lead singer begins to croon. 

🎶 There’s a million people in this room who want me more than you // There’s a million people who want me more than you 

There’s no one in this world who loves you like I do // There’s no one in this world who loves you like I do 🎶 

You watch as the crowd of people nod along to the song, some already preemptively whooping. 

🎶 Alone in a crowded room, I wish I was with you // Whether I’m here or there, it doesn’t matter to you 

But you don’t know what you have ‘til it leaves you // You don’t know what you have until it leaves you 🎶 

You suddenly feel one of Abby’s arms wrapping around your waist, pulling you in closer to her. 

🎶 There’s a line of people waitin’ for this to fall through // There’s a line of people waitin’ for me to leave you 

So please, baby, love me like I love you 🎶 

You can feel Abby’s piercing blue eyes gazing at your face, expectantly and determinedly. 

🎶 Someone here wants me, they want me more than you // Someone here wants me, they want me more than you 

There’s someone here who wants me, they want me more than you // There’s someone here who wants me, they want me more than you 🎶 

Despite this aching feeling bubbling in your stomach, you will yourself to meet Abby’s stare. 

🎶 There’s a million people in this room who want me more than you // There’s a million people who want me more than you 

There’s no one in this world who loves you like I do // There’s no one in this world who loves you like I do 🎶 

Abby begins to lower her face, her lips nearly touching yours. Her breath tickles your cheeks before you suddenly pull away from her embrace. 

The crowd is distracted as the song ends, applauding and sounding off in response. As their cheering eventually dies down, you watch as Abby’s face falls a little and an expression of slight regret is painted across her features. 

“O-oh, oh my god, Abby, I’m so sorry,” You quickly explain. “I didn’t mean to pull away like that; I swear to god, you just surprised me, that’s all.” 

You knew that it was all quickly strewn lies streaming from your lips, but you didn’t want to ruin Abby’s night by making her feel guilty. You pray that she believes your feeble excuses, and it thankfully seems that she does. 

“Serves me right for trying to sneak a kiss from you out of nowhere,” She says, smirking lightly. “I’ll do better next time.” 

“It’s okay, it’s just the tequila,” You laugh shakily. “Even just a few sips of it kind of makes my emotions a wild card.” 

“Well, you did warn me earlier,” Abby remarks, smiling. “No tequila next time; got it.” 

You chuckle nervously, biting the inside of your cheek. 

Abby begins to say something when Nora suddenly grabs her attention. 

“Oh my god, Abs, that’s the girl I was telling you about before,” Nora exclaims, pointing in a vague direction where it was indistinguishable who she was referring to. “See with the long ponytail?” 

“Holy shit, where?” Abby asks distractedly, looking away from you and towards where Nora's gesturing. 

Seeing an opportunity, you place your hand lightly on Abby’s arm before saying, “Just gonna run down to the restroom for a quick second, okay?” 

Abby turns back towards you and asks, “Do you want me to come with?” 

You muster enough bravado to jokingly say, “Believe it or not, I actually know how to pee all on my own like a big girl.” 

“Alright, alright,” Abby chuckles. “Hurry back.” 

You give her a noncommittal smile before weaving your way out of the crowd and towards the staircase. 

The bar’s gender-neutral restrooms were your first choice in brief sanctuary, but that plan was immediately foiled when you see the long line leading towards it. You sigh and resort to walking out the front door of the bar to catch your breath outside instead. 

Though it was much later in the night, the weekend guaranteed plenty of college students noisily roaming the streets of the downtown area. Wanting not to be disturbed, you reluctantly turn into the dingy alleyway to the left of the Bow and Arrow. 

A couple of people pass through the dark street, but you feel safe positioning yourself underneath the closest streetlamp as none of them lingered for too long. 

Sighing as you lean against the cold, stone wall of the next-door building, you look up at the lamp post you’d chosen as your temporary companion. You place a hand on its cool, metal base, remembering the last time you stood underneath its dim luminescence. 

“Why, Ellie?” You asked her. “Why’d you take it to that extreme?” 

Ellie’s eyes bore into you, the unspoken truth threatening to overflow from the ocean green. 

“You know why.” She said softly. 

“I—” You began, your lips trembling in hesitation. 

“You do, don’t you?” Ellie whispers. 

You don’t respond. Without thought or consideration, you find your body pressed up against Ellie’s, your mouth instinctively finding that of her own. 

The moment your lips met hers, you knew you never wanted to kiss any other lips but hers again. 

Every knowing and deliberate look, every inside joke, every accidental brush of your hands led up to this exact moment. And yet nothing could have prepared you for the bliss, the euphoria of finally kissing Ellie. Her strong, muscular arms wrapped around your waist, nearly lifting you off of the ground to pull you closer. You surrendered to your body’s instinct, almost as if fate was guiding it. 

The meaning of life laid behind Ellie’s lips, and what other choice did you have but to fervently search for it? 

You didn’t remember when you’d wrapped your arms around Ellie’s neck, only realizing you had done so when you found your fingers clutching at her auburn hair so firmly that her half-bun updo threatened to come undone. The more Ellie moaned into you, the tighter your grip on her hair became. 

You’d both forgotten where you were and how you’d gotten there. You just knew that you were no longer standing in that dark alleyway next to the Bow and Arrow. You were suddenly in this completely separate universe, a vast yet secret galaxy that consisted only of you and Ellie. It belonged to nobody else but you two. Nothing else mattered anymore, only you and Ellie and your little infinity. 

But you didn’t exist there anymore. It’s two years later, and you no longer live in that bubble of romance and fantasy. 

You step away from the wall, staring up at the clear, black sky. You try but fail desperately not to find the intricate patterns of Ellie’s freckles replicated in the constellations above. 

That universe of yours and Ellie’s was no longer within your grasp. It’s a place you hadn’t allowed yourself to visit for an eternity. This present moment, lonely and nostalgic, is the closest you can find to it. It was like a narrow, cruel window that allowed only a glimpse at the heaven you once knew. 

You sigh. Reluctantly tearing your eyes away from Ellie’s celestial clones, you bid farewell to your brief, ill-lit hideout and exit back to the main sidewalk. You make your way once more towards the front door of the Bow and Arrow, knowing that you would make Abby worry if you lingered too long outside of the bar.

author’s notes:

it's here it's here, it's finally here. can y'all believe i've really written TEN whole chapters of this fucking series? the word count is literally like, 40k. what the hell!

as mentioned and linked above, i created a playlist for this series if you wanna check it out! it's all songs that are either mentioned or included in the series, in addition to songs that i feel match the vibe of the story! i will continue to add to it as we progress (and if you pay attention, i may add some songs preemptively right before publishing a chapter that may have to do with that specific chapter)

again, if you lowkey recognize the lesbian bar i very, very loosely based the bow and arrow on, no you don't

jay is lowkey inspired by my irl ex-girlfriend adriana's friends back in college who had a similar physical description and i was lowkey more attracted to than adriana herself oops

the song in this chapter is by the band called equal creatures where my very good friend laurie is the lead singer! if you love me, please check them out!

sorry to make the creep hitting on the reader in the flashback a woman, but sexual harassment is not gender exclusive and i wanted to showcase that as well.

the line "the moment your lips met hers, you knew you never wanted to kiss any other lips but hers again" is heavily inspired by valerie's speech from the "v for vendetta" movie (if you haven't seen the movie, even if you have no intentions of actually watching it, please watch this scene, it's so fucking moving and it's one of my all-time favourite scenes in cinematic history, no joke)! the line is said at the 2-minute mark!

reader and ellie's first kiss is also heavily inspired by my first kiss with my ex (it was romantic as hell, ask me one day to tell y'all how it happened)

taglist: @lonelyfooryouonly, @elliesinterlude, @sawaagyapong, @peppesgirl, @iconsoft, @maybeidohaveadhd, @ellieswifee, @valiantllamapersonpony-blog, @nil-eena, @echostinn

@uraesthete, @softbunlvr, @cherriesxinthespring, @amitycat, @thefishymissy, @yevheniiaaaa, @machetegirl109, @bertandfearnie, @ximtiredx, @efam

@elliesnumber1gf, @digit4lslut, @tayyyystan, @emothurman, @livvy-2000, @abigaillovestoread, @gold-dustwomxn, @liabadoobee, @yuckyfucky, @qtefolleunpez

@libr4sonsa, @17luv, @robinismywifee, @villainousbear, @ashlynnnnnnnn15, @scarlettadore, @vianna99, @g0n3girls, @totheblood, @embermdk

@awyunh, @kenz-ee, @marvelwomen-simp, @eleactric, @simpforellie, @omgidksblog, @anxiouso, @nyrastar, @lillysbigwilly, @hopeless-y

@elliesbabygirl, @alexpritch, @thestarsanctuary, @aethelwyneleigh27, @cass00x, @mulan-but-gay, @carmellie, @destielcore, @tfuuka, @elliewilliamsmissingfingerss

@sagestuffing, @ewwitsbella, @igoferalforelliewilliams, @miaelliesgfxoxo, @saturnvalentine, @elysiagyaru, @asteroidzzzn, @gay4jinx, @97cityy, @joliettes

@p1llowthoughtss, @ellieslegalwife, @aouiaa, @lez-zuha, @ineffablefics, @peepshake, @lil-elliesgf

[annoyedlord]

Do you have any other funny anectode or conversation between you and jerome? I literally die of laughter everytime i find your posts with him and i wanna laugh more

I do have fews haha

Me, ending my powerpoint: And that's what happened to me during the last 2 months we didn't got to see each other. Therapist: ... Listen, I'm gonna be honest, I had a blast with your powerpoint, but I still don't understand why your boyfriend's cat wanna murder you. Me: Oh that's the part you remember of the whole powerpoint??? Therapist: I mean, you drew a cat with a knife in his mouth of course I remember it.

---

Me: I'm going to [place] for vacations! :) Therapist: Oh that's nice! Never been there! Me, jokingly: Aw, im having a first time before you. Therapist: Don't be silly, you're doing many thing I never did. Me: Like guys, haha. Therapist: No. Me: Me: WHAT.

---

Me talking about traumatic events: (...) my father- Therapist: He's a bitch, a horrible person, a moron and a terrible human being. Me: Me: I feel like you're not very objective. Therapist: No, I'm being factual.

---

Therapist: You should come back to group therapy! The group changed, you'll fit in, we have many queer people now! Me: Oh, did it really change? Therapist: Yes, but also they ask sometimes questions I don't have answers to, like stuff about neopronouns and I don't know shit about that. Me: I do! Therapist: That's also why I'd love you to come back to group therapy.

---

Me: I wanna smoke a cig, dammit. Therapist: Me too, hold on i'm gonna open the window so we can do it. Me: Isn't that illegal to smoke inside the building? Therapist: I don't do by the laws if it means having an early cig-break.

---

Me: Oh, last time I was bored af, I decided to look up some people I knew on facebook, and I found you. Therapist: How. How did you. Me: My dude, I know your full name and your face AND you're sometimes on facebook while i'm here. Therapist: Alright, for the last bit, I admit it's not a very smart move of mine.

---

Therapist: I wanna see you next week, but I've no room on my schedule, hold on... Me: I can see you the following week, no big- Therapist: I moved one of my professional meeting, so see you on friday. Me: Me: Please tell me it wasn't important. Therapist: I won't :)

[butterflyinthewell]

Behind a cut so people don’t have to see me rant about my disabled, emotionally abusive dad.

So my dad fell twice in the last five days due to not listening to me and mom. He has Parkinson’s and if you dig through my posts you’ll see me talk about it, so I won’t go into it.

I don’t hate disabled people, just him. I don’t hate him for having Parkinson’s, I hate him for the abuse he inflicted on me and still inflicts on me with his disability as a crutch to get away with it. And I call out ableism when the problems we have with him are caused by the medical care system, because sometimes it’s not his fault.

But THIS situation IS his fault.

SO ANYWAY…

Last Friday, he fell because he wouldn’t stop rocking sideways every time he got up. He gets up with help and uses a walker, but he throws his weight around when he knows me and mom are two tiny women compared to a hulking huge man.

And he fell.

We had to call my aunt and uncle over to get his ass off the damn floor and onto his toilet commode so he could take a shit. Then they got him into bed. He claimed he was fine, and then on Tuesday he started griping that his lower back and buttcheek hurt on the left side. But he could walk and didn’t complain much after the initial gripe.

Today, he was all scrunched up in bed in a way that guarantees his back will hurt and made his pain worse, like I told him it would (and he wouldn’t listen to me).

Mom took him out into the living room and he fell on the way, AGAIN, because he kept rocking his weight around.

Now get this, he doesn’t throw his weight like that when therapists would come over. Dad will be an angel for them, but a nightmare for me and mom. He cooperates for professionals, but not family. He does everything in his power to make life as hard as possible for me and mom. I’m not kidding when I say that.

He goes to the doctor on Monday to find out what the fuck he did to himself, but it’s going to be a nightmare.

My birthday is coming up and of COURSE he does this right before it, and ruins any excitement I had.

Before you attack me for that, keep in mind that he pulls shit like this all the time. He knows everyone will be sympathetic to him while looking at mom and me like we’re evil for being exhausted, angry and burnt out.

The fact that we can’t afford to put him anywhere or get help into this house means we have no lives outside of caregiving. Every waking moment until we sleep is him and all his emotionally abusive bullshit, every day with no breaks, forever. He has ruined holidays, birthdays and plans because his only joy in life is making everyone around him as miserable as he is.

I’ve managed to eke out a few moments of joy here and there, but for the most part my life is a slog that never ends.

I laugh at the people who acted like COVID lockdowns were depriving them of life. I won’t deny that it was a traumatic experience, and this is not aimed at people who got sick anyway and now have long covid. This ain’t you, don’t worry.

But the people who acted so inconvenienced that their social lives got interrupted? Fuck off.

I’ve lived something like the COVID lockdowns for over a decade. No life outside of my house, no life outside of being a caregiver for someone who is sucking away all my compassion and love.

I can’t leave because I’m disabled too and all the legal shit is inaccessible to me.

I’m trapped, mom is trapped, and we are eventually going to die from the stress while he sits there yelling at us for not jumping to his every whim.

My only escape is writing fanfics and staring dead-eyed at my ipad screen, interrupted constantly by him demanding things.

I have accumulated so much trauma from him, and COVID, and mom having medical crises that were resolved, and my needs not being met, that I’ll be surprised to see 45. I will be shocked if I wake up alive on my 45th birthday.

I turn 43 this July 29, 2023, so yeah.

If I don’t die, my mom is going to, and if she goes we’re all dead.

I just hope I go first. Either heart attack or stroke will probably do it, but I don’t want to outlive her and be alone with him.

No child should be trapped as a caregiver for a disabled abusive parent, but it happens and nobody talks about it.

[sitp-recs]

Happy Friday, friends! I’ve never done monthly wrap ups before but since Wireless pulled me back from a brief hiatus, I thought it would be cool to share some things I’ve been reading, that could use more love. 10 fics both old and new, Drarry and rare pairs, Wireless treats; pick your poison and have fun! 🙌

Drarry

Muscle Memory by @corvuscrowned (E, 7k) - brilliant concept perfectly executed, I’m so here for curse-breaking colleagues who fuck at the job to pass time and then forget about it every time 🤌🏼 genius and intriguing and captivating as per crow’s usual

There's something just beneath the surface, just at the periphery of Harry's mind. They've been here before — they've done this before. If only he could remember it.

And Embers at Your Lips by @nametheshadows (T, 15k) - sequel to one of my all-time favorite 8th year fics with insomniac roommates just as soft and healing as LLAYF. Gorgeous prose and all the kissing. Highly rec this series for A+ comfort food!

The sequel to Like Lightning at Your Fingertips: the kissing montage. And there’s that thing with Potter’s magic.

Rich Friend, Anon (E, 18k) - one of my faves from Wireless, pop star!Draco never gets old and both the pacing and the romance are perfectly developed! I live for Harry’s horny yearning and for their road trip together, kudos to casual Harry/Neville as a side ship!

As far as Harry can tell, Draco Malfoy is still rich as hell. He’s just not a wizard anymore. Featuring: Draco Malfoy trying to make it as a Muggle pop star, Harry Potter as our confused and horny hero, bad driving, good music, and the mysterious magic of falling for someone.

Waking Up Slow, Anon (E, 22k) - this ode to advent Drarry fics took my breath away with a charming Draco, fun dynamics, an enchanting Christmas shop and one of the sexiest smut scenes I’ve read this year, 10/10 recommend for hot & sweet magical vibes and lots of references as an homage to the classics!

'Twas the night before Christmas, although it’s July / Draco’s a shopkeeper, no-one knows why / There’s hiking and witch caves, freak snowfalls and more / Bad Christmas jumpers, nosy neighbours galore / Narcissa’s here too, but… something’s amiss / And what’s in those chocolates that’s making them kiss?

We Are Legend by Vaysh (E, 38k) - happy to report to @romaine2424 that I have finally read this epic apocalypse AU and am shooketh with its originality and serious tone. One of the most creative takes I’ve seen on animagus Draco, a poignant and devastating war story.

Eighty years into the future, Voldemort won. Harry Potter is a renegade wizard, Portkeying Muggles out of London to Hogwarts, last sanctuary in a Britain ruled by the Dark Lord. On a mission he encounters a powerful phoenix Animagus fighting on the Death Eaters' side. He recognises Draco Malfoy whom he thought long dead. But the differences between them are perhaps even greater than before. Cw: MCD

LA, Who Am I To Love You?, Anon (E, 42k) - I cannot believe this beauty was written for my lil Wireless prompt ♥️ perfect LA vibes, gorgeous aesthetics, horny ust and a fascinating take on both down and out bi Harry and out and proud bi Draco, we love to see it! Couldn’t have asked for a better story to fill my prompt, ty anon!

Harry’s summer in LA is not going as expected. Pansy Parkinson keeps inviting him to parties in the Hollywood Hills and harassing him to finally go to the physical therapist, Blaise Zabini keeps slipping new strains of his company’s magical weed into Harry’s pockets in hopes of an endorsement, and Draco Malfoy keeps having sex with everyone but Harry.

Rare Pairs

A Different Tune by November Snowflake (M, 8k) - very nice Dron get together, short & sweet with an undercurrent melancholy that I love, just what I needed before bed

Working in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office has led Ron to many strange encounters--but none more unexpected than this one. Cw: Harry’s dead

The Years Between by brummell (M, 14k) - another rare pair fave, this Rarry fic told from Ron’s smitten and jealous pov as he helps Harry recover from a coma is so deliciously raw and angsty. Gorgeous slow burn, the feels!

For both Harry and Ron, a wake-up call is just the beginning.

Things Remembered by avioleta (E, 17k) - best Snarry fic I’ve read this year, I’m low key obsessed with this hitmen + amnesia concept and how the romance develops so organically while they’re on the run. Intriguing plot, sexy ust and super scorching smut that made me salivate jfc 🔥

Harry wakes up in an unfamiliar bed, in an unfamiliar hotel room, and with absolutely no idea who he is. The man he’s in bed with has no memories either. But they think, maybe, they’re assassins, because they seem to be very good at killing people.

A Dress with Pockets by PacificRimbaud (E, 25k) - a Panville classic recced by anon (ty!!), what a sexy and vibrant read! I LOVED Neville and their dynamics are brilliant and so funny, I just couldn’t get enough of these characters. 100% sold on this ship pls and thank

Pansy Parkinson needed a drink. And a shag. She didn't care in which order. Enter: Neville fucking Longbottom and his rolled up sleeves.

[wildlife4life]

Fuck-It Friday

Tagged by the wonderful @prince-buck-diaz and @jesuisici33

Another tag day means another snippet of NFL Buck for ya'll. This fic has no end in sight yet, but good news, it is being consistently worked on! So hope this tides you all over.

“Nothing is ever going to be more awkward than our first date, even though you didn’t call it a date until after you kissed me that night.” Eddie reminded. Buck smirked, “I am still surprised that I was able to accomplish that. Considering you were subconsciously trying to sabotage the entire evening the moment you walked in.” Eddie scoffed, “I was not!” “Dude-“ “Don’t call me dude.  You don’t call the man you frequently make tender love to, dude.” Eddie reprimands. Evan rolls his eyes, “There was nothing tender with the way I fucked you up against the dresser yesterday morning.” Eddie smacks his arm in retaliation, earning a devilish grin that quickly softened, “You’re right. But I’m right about the sabotage. You walk in and without a single greeting blurt out you’re not gay, snap at me about not being gay, argue my own sexual orientation, and then instead of telling me your favorite color or where you were born as facts about you, you tell me you have a wife and kid.  Then got upset with me when I got upset.” “And then I cleared everything up! And apologized!” Eddie defended. “You kept bringing up Christopher, and his CP and all his appointments and the time you didn’t have because of your extra shifts to pay for everything.  Even after I told you I love kids, that his CP would never make me think lesser of him, and even tried to find common ground with the whole busy schedule thing.” Buck recalls. Eddie huffed in mock outrage because yea, their first date was very awkward because of all that and more, but it wasn’t until much later he could admit he was trying to sabotage the evening. Hell, it wasn’t the only time he did it either. Eddie mentally dragged his feet for several dates before Buck called him out on it and broke up with him.  The breakup lasted for less than 24 hours. In that time span, Eddie had a break down on Tommy’s back porch, argued about therapy, set up an appointment with the VA and even researched therapists that could help with the whole repression thing.  On hour 22 of their breakup, it was Eddie who invited Buck to Red’s Door, along with an extra special guest. Introducing Christopher was his way of telling Evan that he was committing himself not only to being with the quarterback, but also to bettering himself, for himself. Not just Christopher or for Buck. For him. And here is he today.  Lying in bed with his shirtless boyfriend of almost 10 years, openly admitting to his coworkers he is gay and laughing about the whole ordeal with said boyfriend.  No panic in sight.  Just warmth, and love, and jovial delight. Just like that evening all those years ago with Buck’s bright demeanor at just seeing Eddie, he wanted to chase those feelings and again he did. This time he followed it all the way into a soft kiss that had them melting into each other. Eddie pulled just an inch away and murmured, “Let me make it up to you?” Buck smiles, “Nothing to make up for.” He gives Eddie a quick peck, “But making tender love with you dude is something I will never turn down.” Eddie narrowly avoided another awkward conversation his next shift, just barely getting his t-shirt over his head before Chimney walked in, and hiding all the evidence from his ‘tender love making’ with Buck.

Hope all you dudes enjoyed!😉

Tagging (no pressure!): @thewolvesof1998, @transbuck, @alyxmastershipper @wikiangela, @911onabc, @911-on-abc, @forthewolves @hippolotamus @lizzybizzyzzz @thekristen999 @bekkachaos @homerforsure @sibylsleaves @cowboy-buddie @ebdaydreamer @monsterrae1

[onthewaytosomewhere]

working out perhaps for ficlet friday 👀 maybe alex sees henry at the gym and goes insane or sthn 🫣 (smut it up as you wish)

okay this one gotta lil away from me and didn't even get super smutty lolz - just lust-y and silly lolz

can also be found on ao3 if u'd rather

Alex has been using the community gym in his apartment complex for a few months now. It started when his therapist mentioned that it might be a good release for some of the pent-up energy he feels. About a month in, the dude from 4B, one floor above him, starts showing up at the same time as Alex. Which is fine. The gym is for the use of the whole building, but Alex struggles with how the little shorts he wears cling, almost like they’re gonna break at the seams. Alex feels bad for looking, but it’s all he can do not to—his eyes are drawn to them no matter where he is in the room.

He’s not sure how the guy hasn’t caught him eyeing him like a piece of meat yet, but he’s glad he hasn’t. He doesn’t want to be the one to explain that he’s recently realized he is bisexual and would really love to know what those thighs feel like resting on his shoulders, or around his waist, or when he’s feeling brave between his own thighs as 4B fucks into him. He doesn’t even know the guy's name; he swears he heard a friend of his call him ‘Hazza’ which he assumes is a nickname of some sort, but he can’t think of what. He just hopes it’s not something boring because someone with thighs like that should not have a boring name. When he mentions this to Nora, she laughs at him and tells him it would serve him right if it were something like George or Henry.

Alex thinks now, as he’s once again thirsting over this man’s thighs, that there is no way he has a name so dull or proper sounding. He concedes that if it is, he could probably still be convinced to scream it in the throes of passion. Not that he’ll get the chance.

“Excuse me?” Alex looks up to see 4B in front of him, and up close those thighs are even more enough to fuel every dream he’ll have for the rest of forever.

“Yeah?” Alex manages to make his mouth work somehow, even if it’s not the most clever of responses.

4B gestures to the weight bench across the room, where he has a bar set up with what is not an insubstantial amount of weight. “Was hoping you might be able to spot me. Today’s my first day at the new weight, and it’s a bit more than what I was doing.”

“Sure, I can do that.” Alex gets up off the equipment he was using while thinking about 4B.

Alex follows him over to the bench, and he realizes as he’s standing at the head of the bench how close his dick is to 4B’s head. His dick seems to think that means something different than it does, as it starts to harden in his shorts. Alex tries to look away, but his eyes are once again drawn to those thighs—the thighs that really should be illegal. Alex manages to control himself while 4B does his reps, and when he finishes and sits up, he asks, “You need a spotter?”

Alex’s brain practically short-circuits when he thinks about attempting to lift anything with 4B’s thighs of sin by his head. He’s never been a strong man, but he believes that would tempt even the strongest of men. “No. I’m all right. I was just getting ready to head up.”

“Oh.”

It’s just one word, but it sounds so loaded, and Alex doesn’t know what to think. Does 4B want him to stay? He thinks up an excuse that isn’t ‘if I don’t leave now, I’m gonna need to rub off on those made-for-frottage thighs of yours.’ He looks at 4B, doing his best job of appearing normal, and says, “I have to hit the showers.” He leaves off ‘where I’m going to beat one out thinking of your amazing fucking thighs.’

“Oh.” This time, it sounds different; if Alex didn’t know better, he’d almost say it sounds hopeful. “I suppose I should do this now, then, before you leave. 4B stands, and Alex notices how close he is, but he can’t bring himself to move. He extends his hand to Alex and says, “Hi, I’m Henry. We’ve been working out together for a while now, so I may as well introduce myself. I live in 4B.” Alex knows exactly which apartment he lives in, but he’s not going to tell him—Henry—that.

Instead, he extends his hand and replies, “I’m Alex, 3B.” He isn’t sure what to say next and honestly doesn’t trust himself not to tell Henry all the dirty thoughts he’s been having about him lately.

“Well, Alex, 3B. I have to ask because, honestly, if I don’t, I’ve been informed that my friend, Percy, will do it for me, which will be embarrassing for all of us except for him. Would you be interested in dinner? With me. Sometime soon, preferably.”

Alex is momentarily stunned, but he gets his mouth to work. “I’d love to. But I need clarification. Are you asking me on a date, or is this just some friends thing?”

Henry chuckles, and Alex nearly drops to his knees at the sound. “I was hoping for a date, but if you prefer the other, we could do that, I suppose.”

“No, I want the date option.” The words leave Alex’s mouth so fast. Apparently, that is the correct response, as he feels Henry’s hand, still clasping his, squeeze just slightly.

“Perfect.” Henry smiles at him, and Alex feels as if he’ll do anything to see that. This doesn’t bode well for his sanity when he’s not even been on a date with the guy, so Henry releases his hand and walks over to the windowsill. He grabs his phone that is sitting there and turns to hand it to Alex. “Can I get your number? That way, I can call you and set things up.”

“Of course.” Alex takes the phone and opens a new contact to enter his number. He briefly debates what to put himself in but settles on ‘hottie in 3B.’ He hands it back to Henry, still open, so he can change it if he wants to. Henry laughs and saves it. He texts Alex, saying, “There, now you have my number too, so you’ll know it’s me.”

“Thanks, I probably should get going.” He really does need to be somewhere, but he also knows that he will need more time to shower today. He’s definitely going to be taking himself in hand and thinking about how Henry’s hand would feel around him. Alex turns to grab his phone off the window seal and does his best not to squeal when he sees the text message notification. He turns to Henry, smiles one last time, and walks toward the door. “I look forward to hearing from you,” he says as he approaches the door.

Henry calls back, “Have a good shower,” as Alex walks through the door. Alex isn’t sure if he did it on purpose, but he does know that he’s going to need to get to that shower now.

[selfpositiveundertale]

Update

CW: discussion of trauma (the trauma was a bad car accident)

I was able to pay for my dog's vet appointment and her medicine thanks to the person who paypal'd me ❤️❤️❤️ She isn't happy about having to take medicine again but hopefully this will be the last round, it's pretty much just probiotics and something to settle her stomach because the antibiotics really did a number on her tummy.

My hands ache from the crash but it's no worse than the soreness after crocheting for several hours. I can do some crocheting but I find thicker yarn much easier and less painful to work with right now. That said, I got a bunch of chenille yarn a while back and I have some larger plush versions of my Ralsei amogus dolls in the works. The first one is almost done, I just have to assemble and attach the hat. Will post a pic when he's done. I want to have at least 2 each with and without squeakers made and then I might reopen my Etsy shop and list them. They will cost more due to the cost of materials, but I'll probably mostly have dolls made of the chenille yarn for a while, at least until I can work with normal yarn without pain within minutes again. I'm hoping to sell a couple by Tuesday because I have another chiropractic appointment that day I'll need to pay for and my husband doesn't get paid again until Friday.

I'm still trying to process what happened. I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow and I will be discussing it with her. This therapist is new to me, my previous one that I had for a few years left the place I'm with and is now working elsewhere. We've only had like 2 sessions but she seems nice. It's just a little frustrating having to break in a new therapist all over again but not really a problem so I'm not worried.

I drove today, to take my dog to the vet. It was scary. I didn't realize how paranoid I would be of other drivers, fully expecting anyone and everyone to whip out in front of me when they're waiting to exit a parking lot to the road or suddenly veer into my lane when they're right beside me and I panicked every time I saw them. It took a lot of self control to not slam on the brakes and to remind myself that other people are not going to do things like that. I have to remember I know how to drive safely and most people are not going to be so reckless as to do the dangerous things my brain is expecting them to do. My anxiety around driving is almost back to where it was while I was still very new at it, terrified to be on the road with other people and having no trust in them and even less trust in myself. I have to build up my confidence again and I have no idea how long it will take.

I have to say, getting hit by one huge trauma all at once sure feels different from the trauma I'm used to, which is the kind that builds up over many years in a toxic and dysfunctional family. It's kind of surreal, I find myself wondering if it was all a dream but then I see the bruises on my legs and feel the ache in my palms and how stiff and sore my body still is even after a chiropractic appointment and see the empty space where I would have parked my vehicle and I have to remember it really happened. I get this weird chill that seeps up the back of my head like cold water in my hair when I remember it. And yeah, I'm grateful I walked away with nothing worse than bruises and stuff my chiropractor fixes literally all the time anyway, but I wish it didn't happen.

It's all such a mess. Right now I'm just trying to focus on keeping myself fed with good food and busy with things that can make some money. I'm making chili tomorrow because it's one of the less expensive things I can make, and also I could use some comfort food after the week I've had. And maybe the familiar routine of cooking the beans will help soothe my brain. I only use dry beans as I can't stand the texture of canned beans. Cooking them isn't difficult or complicated, just time consuming and I think the 2 or 3 hours it'll take to cook them will do me some good.

It's after midnight and I'm exhausted, so I'm gonna try to get some sleep. Goodnight, and stay determined.

❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜

[arshisrabbaves]

OS: Confide In Me

“So, Mr Raizada! As you can see these are some of the coping mechanisms that people use mostly to hide their sufferings” therapist said while checking the list of things they went for in today’s session.

“Wait! So constant talking, always being happy and doing crazy-weird things is also a type of coping mechanism?” Arnav asked

“Yes Ofcourse! Or else how would you explain such behaviour?”

“Maybe, that’s just how some people are?”

“Mr Raizada, being constantly happy and pretending to be carefree is actually a toxic positivity, people like these rarely talk about their feelings with anyone” Therapist further explained

“Okay! Thankyou for letting me know”

Arnav couldn’t stop thinking about the whole conversation he had with this therapist at the end of the session. A lot of things she said about toxic positivity and how it’s actually a coping mechanism made Arnav realize that’s exactly what Khushi does.

She always talked about everyone’s problems but her and always acted like she was happy. He never really paid attention to it as he thought that’s how she was, but that was until now.

The more he learnt about toxic positivity and how it can be a coping mechanism he observed Khushi’s behaviour more. He had started to understand that beneath that happy face, goofy behaviour was a girl, her inner child who was immensely hurt for so many reasons. It absolutely crushed him realizing that Khushi thinks her feelings aren’t important or that she never really had anyone to confide in.

“Khushi” Arnav called as he entered the room

Khushi was sitting on the bed, all set surrounded by Snacks. Today was Friday and every Friday they watched either Hollywood or Bollywood movie.

“Arnav ji! You’re right on time, I was about to select the movie for tonight” Khushi said expressing her excitement.

“Khushi we need to talk!” Arnav said in a little serious tone

Khushi’s face expression changed when she realized that the movie night was off today.

“But Arnav ji! What about the movie-"

“Forget about the movie! There’s something we need to talk about” he said while sitting down with while holding her hand.

“Khushi, are you happy?” He asked

Khushi chuckled at his question and said “Ofcourse! My name is Khushi after all”

“No Khushi! I am seriously asking are you happy?” He asked in a concerned voice

“I don’t have any reasons to not be happy, I have such a great husband, great family, everything is going well in my life” she said with a smile

“But Khushi! You never talk about your feelings or your internal conflicts” he said

At this point Khushi was avoiding eye contact with him intentionally as she knew where this conversation was heading.

“Khushi I want you to know that it’s okay to talk about your feelings” Arnav assured her

“I do talk about my feelings” she said while looking down.

“Khushi! Are you really okay?” Arnav asked

And this one question was enough for Khushi to trigger her emotions. She immediately started breaking down and Arnav pulled her towards himself allowing her to rest her head in his chest.

Khushi was completely breaking down, like she never did before and Arnav was crushed as he had never seen her like this before, but then again no one’s ever asked her “How she was” regarding her feelings and inner conflicts. Because everyone always thought Khushi is the happy person even during her darkest times.

“There’s just so much hurt in the heart I don’t even know where to start” she said while sniffing

“You can start from wherever you want to, I am here, I am listening to you” he reassured her again

For the first time in her life Khushi was opening up to someone about her wounds and regarding how she feels. From Bua ji’s biased behaviour towards Payal, to Shyam stalking her and harassing her verbally and almost sexually and Arnav’s abuse as well.

“You hurt me too Arnav ji! You hurt me a lot” she said while looking at him with teary eyes

Arnav’s face was full of guilt, as he started realizing how much he put Khushi through from the day they met.

“I am sorry Khushi, I am so sorry” he said with a cracked voice, he knew that sorry wasn’t enough to fix every messed up thing he did to her but he was clueless about what else to say

“Your actions hurt more after you forced to marry me, I kept asking you what was the reason but you only said to me that I hurt you, it was killing me each time I thought about what I did to hurt you. And…and when you called me the biggest mistake of your life a part of me died” she said while being in the most vulnerable state.

“I know Khushi! I know that no amount of sorry will fix the damage that I did. You know I react impulsively, and I was stupid to call you the biggest mistake of my life. I didn’t mean it, it was just due to the heat of the moment. Because Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada, you’re the best thing that has happened to me in my life, you make me a better person, you inspire goodness in me, you understand me like no one does, you changed my black and white vision, you made me believe in love. And yet I kept hurting you” he said while getting vulnerable

Khushi looked at him, she could see that Arnav truly regrets what he did in the past. Khushi did hold him accountable for the pain he caused her but she also knew he was the man she loved and is in love with. She had allowed Arnav to be vulnerable in front of her and yet she understood where he came from, she understood that things weren’t easy for him either and biggest part was that he was changing and being a better person everyday

“Realizing your mistake is better than apologizing and I am proud to see you leaning on that way Arnav ji” she said while holding his face

“You and me, we have both have endured a lot in our lives, we have made plenty of mistakes. But with each mistakes we have realized what wrong we have done and we are trying to be better in our own way. After all we’re together in this” she further added

“Always and forever” Arnav said while pulling her towards him for a hug.

- Rubi

[abcd-adventures]

Once a month, I meet with a supervision group of other therapists. We talk about our cases, ask for advice, etc. It's often made me wonder how different I would have to be if I was a more "traditional" therapist--if clients came to my separate office somewhere or met with me virtually and we were mostly scheduled for set 50-minute sessions.

From those groups, I have mostly determined that the hugest advantage I have is working in an office onsite where my clients live. There's no escaping me. Lol I feel like it's easier to push or take risks. For example, yesterday, one of my clients was totally lying to me (and himself) and I was like, "WOW...there is so much bullshit happening right now; I don't even know what do do with all that." He tried making some excuses and I wasn't hearing it, and I told him that I had been out for five days and had way too much work to catch up on to sit there and have him insult both of our intelligence, so he could be honest, tell me he wasn't ready to talk about that topic, or we could wrap things up for the day. He was mad at me and chose to leave. I'm not sure I would have or could have used that approach if I didn't know perfectly well that I'd be back up there knocking on his door and following up that same afternoon. I let him cool off and then I went up and told him that I cared about him way too much to let him get away with bullshitting me or more importantly himself and that if something was difficult to face, I could respect that and we could approach it slowly, and I would never judge him for making mistakes or struggling with anything or needing to take a break from discussing something heavy, but lying doesn't accomplish anything and I won't indulge that because it's an insult to us both. We had a good talk, and I'm seeing him again on Friday. I guess if it were a more traditional situation I could have called or sent an email or note...but there's something way more solid about looking a person directly in the face when you push them in that manner and then following up and wanting them to know you will continue to do that but that it's because you absolutely adore them and only want the best for them. It can be harder to make that clear via other forms of communication...

I don't know. Definitely makes me grateful! :) I can be a total asshole and it would probably be difficult to have to be more mindful of that all the time!

[dabiscarpet]

First time with bf tooru oikawa x fem! reader

Disclaimer: suggestive ?) if you squint?) just some teenage love

★ Female pronouns used ★ 3rd person writing ★

A little drabble I had in my drafts for awhile. I'm so soft for oikawa tooru and everything he went thru 🤧

Not proof read! Just my foggy sleepy brain trying to put two sentences together and make it look pretty

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Meeting because her dad is his physical therapist and boy does he get injured since he was young.

She used to spend a lot of afternoons at his therapy center waiting to go home while doing homework or just chatting with customers. Since he was an frequent, over the course of months, they became good friends, bonding thanks to vb since she also play in a girls team.

She has a strong, but also kind and considerate personality, and always becomes soft for him; that's her major weakness. Although when needed, she is strict with him, and he loves that about her. That's one of the main reasons he fell in love: she pushed him to keep going

Her dad loves him too: let's him spend the night all the time, drops her off at his house, picks her up, makes him feel part of the family. He's their no.1 fan

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Dad is late one day when he goes out to dinner with his colleagues, and there's a storm outside. Tooru is at her house, doing homework with her (even tho they're in different years & schools, this is a nice way of spending time together). She then suggests that he stays as usual, because it's raining heavily and he came riding his bike. It's Friday, no school tomorrow, only afternoon practice with the team... Seemed like a good idea.

After some time goes by, she decides to take a break and prepares snacks. When going back to the table, she noticed he's tense over some exercises. She leans over his shoulders, hugging him from behind and watching the complex math problem halfway through.

"maybe take a little break, you can finish this later tooru"

"hmm maybe ... " But it took a bit more convincing that that, including a few hand fed snacks. He looks over his shoulder at her after biting on a grape from her hand. "Can I take a shower please?"

"of course!" And she places a kiss on the back of his neck. All the accumulated stress, anxiety, tension, expectations, goals... everything he carries on his shoulders suddenly crumbled, as he felt the touch of an angel on his skin. He lost it and moaned out in pleasure, in relaxation, covering his mouth immediately.

She's aware of what she just did, so she continued to pepper his neck and the back of his head with kisses. He relaxes into her warm touch soon, already feeling the sanity escape from his mind with those little touches, but that's all he needed. He then turns around suddenly, trapping her face with his hands.

"your dad will hate me for this, but I can't stand it anymore..... I love you" and he kissed her with such passion that no other 17 years-old boy could ever even imagine. The world around them disappearing, the sound of the long forgotten rain only barely audible in the distance despite the heaviness of it. Humidity doing it's job and making clothes just an extra hassle.

Fast forward, and things get steamy for the first time, as she ends up naked on top of him, in her bed, noises muted by the heavy rain. Some ridiculous math problem long forgotten, as more important puzzles were being put together, both of them trying to figure things out together for the first time, the alignment of their feelings and hearts making even their breathing synchronized, leading the blind path for the young couple.

Soon, the morning starts showing itself through the open curtains, ignored the night before. She founds happiness by waking up cuddled next to his warm body, in his warm embrace, watching his soft features relaxed and at ease for once. Tooru had never looked happier and more at ease, an ethereal gleam surrounded his aura, and his beautiful chocolate eyes revealed the utmost confession of love for his one and only, holding her firmly into his arms, vowing to even destroy the world if necessary just to get to spend every day of his life forward with her, sharing moments like those.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

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Unaware of the hurdles speech can pose, parents are often thrilled when ABA teaches their child to speak — after all, who wouldn’t want to hear, “I love you”? They rarely realize that other approaches could facilitate more interaction while taxing their child less.

Source

I was reading this article about how ABA just - doesn’t work. And the above paragraph really got to me.

I’m a daycare teacher, and kind of a “pitch hitter” in my center - I fill in whatever role is currently needed, based on the 5.5 years of experience I have working all our age groups.

Currently, I have minimal interaction with the Toddler room (1.3 years to 2.5 years), mostly going in for 20 minutes once a week to do 2 morning breaks on the day I make sure our usual break person isn’t working 45 hours a week.

Anyway…….

The room of 14 kids actually has 2 nonverbal Autistic children, which is exceptionally bizarre luck but there you have it. Fortunately, the two staff in the room are amazing with both. One of the kids stays until the center closes half the week, and I end up being one of the two staff that hangs out with them alone for 15 minutes after everyone else is gone.

I’ve had much less interaction with “David,” the other, although he’s the one that started one-on-one intervention earlier. Apparently he’s doing fantastic with sign language; I’ve yet to work enough to recognize the signs he knows, which exceed my own vocabulary.

But he’ll come up to me and circle his arms, like for Wheels on the Bus.

I only learned this Friday it’s actually for a song his mother sings, “Roly Poly,” and was relieved to learn why he was ignoring my attempts to sing Wheels on the Bus.

Because he’s been coming up to climb into my lap with the arm circles, then grab mine and circle them.

It was so good to understand his exasperation with me, not understanding him, but that he also recognized my good intentions to engage with him.

I spend so little time with David, so the fact he has decided I’m worth seeking out for mutual play is amazing.

To me, a child feeling safe enough to come up to me circling their arms intently is a lion’s roar of “You’re trustworthy!!”

You don’t need words to communicate with a child.

More therapists for Autistic children need to spend time working with infants below 8 months old.

Learn how to read a dozen babies needs, interests, and capabilities.

Then start working on the 2 year old nonverbals.