#my wallet and dysphoria say yes

[dark-elf-writes]

Born to dress like remus lupin

Forced to dress like Harry Potter (Dursley era)

Born to dress like Harry Pitter (raised by Remus Lupin and Sirius Black)

Forced to dress like Harry Potter (Dursley Era)

[titan-god-helios]

pt1 of oddly specific things that give me gender affirmation/euphoria (that may not be that odd but i didn’t expect them so shut up <3 /lh):

wallets !!!! a good stereotypically masculine wallet that’s small and leather and still has lots and lots of usability and looks like something a dad would use makes me feel so masculine !! love it

any type of trouser or bottoms with more than two pockets

windbreaker jackets - they make me go “FUCK YEEAAHH im such a boy a man a male tm yessir” and idk why they just do tho, even the fem ones to an extent

plantssss i love plants and they make me feel like a little gardner boy just yessss

energy drinks for some reason ???? they make the internal man dialogue of “IM A MANNN” go haywire so much

hairbands on my wrist and an excess of those wooden beaded bracelets or even stone beaded jewellery

cross earrings but just bc they look cool (i’m an atheist so yuh, i still love people who have religion too, y’all are awesome <3)

doing the thing with your hair where you take hair from one side and flip it on the other with one hand and its kind of like running your hand through your hair but with long hair…. esp of my other hand is on my hip and i scrunch my face ?!?!?!??!? so boyish i feel so good

dancing like an absolute idiot. i dont know why but every time i just do a little jig for myself by myself my gender is just like “yessssss you’re a boy frfr slay king”

watches !! big chunky analogue watches

following on from the last point, clocks too

mushroomsssss they make the more nonbinary side of me jump for joy cause like “yes ofc im a fucking forest goblin dude i love mushrooms im just a goblin guy leave me alone and let me love the shrooms”

sketching in public. it just doessss

camoflague clothing !! i mean this was probably obvious but when i came out to myself and i wore camo cargo pants (with loads of pockets mind you) i just freaked out in joy i felt so manly that day it was glorious

singing !! singing my favourite songs as low as i can go with it still sounding good

just being as stubborn as possible but in a non problematic (for the most part) way. like if you give me the option to make things easier and more convenient or not i’ll choose the harder option. idk it just makes me feel manly (is this toxic masculinity ?? i dont know but i try to remind myself that this only applies to non mental stuff so i don’t end up self-harming againnnn)

being unnecessarily overdressed

not brushing my hair till its perfectly untangled and just letting it be a bit wild - this came with me figuring out that my hair type is waywayway wavier/curlier than i thought my whole life and learning to take care of it the best i can whilst i have like zero products for waves/curls on hand and as a bonus i felt more masc !!

looking at the stretch marks underneath my boobs in the mirror. i have a large-ish chest i think (DD cup), plus i’m a lil chubby, so i have loads of stretch marks around my chest, and the ones underneath look like top surgery scars, so if i’m having a particularly rough day with my chest dysphoria i’ll look at em and feel a bit better

using my stim toys and accommodations with friends and by myself for my autism and adhd - being capable of taking care of myself finally makes me feel really confident and as a result quite masc as well

stimming by flipping my beaded bracelets between my fingers - this is specific to greek and possibly other cultures similar to greece but it’s typical for a lot of greek men to flip long-ish beaded loops (?? they’re not jewellery and specifically made for this but idk what they’re called so) between their fingers in a similar fashion, and it’s a thing that my dad does a lot when bored. whether neurodivergent or neurotypical it’s a very common thing for men and so doing it makes me not only feel good stimming but also feel manly as fuck ! it feels even better now that my mum saw me doing it once and said “what are you a man ??” and being closeted i had to say “idc im just flipping a bracelet why does it have to be gendered” BUT INSIDE I WAS SO HAPPY

playing card games - when i was younger and even now my dad and grandpa would let me sit in on their card games late at night when we visited them in greece and now when i play card games i always feel so calm and comforted and quietly masculine

drinkingggg now hear me out yes im a minor but i’m also half greek so as a result whenever my parents drink im allowed a bit too (under supervision ofc). anyway that out the way, i have a pretty fucking high alcohol tolerance and considering the fact that it comes from my dad (being asian, my mum’s tolerance is dogshit) plus the stereotypical “men can drink more” stuff i feel SO MANLYYYY when i can quite literally drink more than my dad and feel okay whilst he’s starting to be tipsy (just to clarify though, the stereotype is bullshit and should NOT be perpetuated as much as it is, at least with intent. you guys with low alcohol tolerances are just as manly !! maybe you’re even more manly than those with high tolerance !! and women with high tolerances, you’re still very fem and very cool and valid as a woman and those who aren’t binary or aligning you are valid as your gender or as no gender no matter what tolerance you have <33)

caring about myself more. and i don’t mean in a “i’m gonna have a nice fucking bath and be happy about it” way i mean in a “i’m going to feed myself well, drink lots of water, get good exercise and be respectful to myself at the very least” way. and also in the bath way. baths are nice

collecting shit !! idk dude but having a collection of dumb shit just makes me feel so masc and good cause i swear to the stars nearly every dude i’ve met and stepped into the house of has a collection of SOMETHING whether it’s games, books, rocks, crystals, cookbooks and recipies or art supplies or whatever makes them happy. like legit fucking anything and i like collecting stuff too so its a bonus !!

just being nice. just being a nice dude makes me feel so manly

being silly and myself and doing dumb shit and being unapologetic about it (im still working on being able to do this since i struggle a lot but when i can it feels so good !!)

being stupidly loyal to something equally stupid /pos. like yes i have had this stuffed animal since the dawn of time no i will never get rid of her. she’s a genderfuck lesbian rainbow tiger from buildabear workshop who goes by the name of Roxy i will never get rid of her >:(. and so what my ring is so rusty it makes my skin green every three days ?? i clean it and take it off when it gets out of control back off bitch its mine. why are you so concerned about my shoes ????? fuck you i like them how they are (falling apart and dishevelled, the sole is halfway off already and it hasn’t been even remotely okay since three years ago) and they still fit and work so i’ll wear them until i literally cannot anymore. its so fun and it’s such a “just some guy” activity AND it makes my autism goblin feel safe and good too so its great would reccommend

just talking about stuff i like and that makes me feel good but not to anybody in particular. maybe in my notes, maybe on tumblr (like right now !! i’m doing this one right now !!) maybe on my personal dm to myself. it just makes me feel like a boy i love it PLUS i dont actually have to stress about humans on the other end of it so i feel way more confident and comfortable and as a result even MORE manly !!

ice cream on cones. i will not elaborate

travelling and exploring !! like legit anywhere. as long as i’m moving from one place to another and exploring the world i feel so happy and right and also masculine it’s great i love travelling so much. on holidays i enjoy the act of travelling even more than the holiday itself tbh

(to clarify i identify as male but a bit fucked in the gender - if you want a label i still identify as nonbinary but male aligningg <3)

[sleepyone2three]

That whole last ending sequence in the final episode episode of Arlong Park really hits hard though 😭 This whole arc has absolutely wrecked me though. My standards are too high and I fear nothing will live up to it. Final Thoughts 👇and they're in no particular order/all over the place since I wrote them as I thought of them.

Fuck Arlong

The hat scene wrecked me

Again, the whole ending sequence from the note placement to that last pinwheel spin is so good I can't even put it into words

All of the meaning behind Nami's new tattoo down to the aesthetic. Such a simple yet elegant design too.

"I'LL always be YOUR friend, Nami!"

Luffy just took down the man the literally owned and made Nami miserable for the past eight years and is using the most non possessive verbage possible he's letting her know it's always her choice at the end of the day I can't with this boy 😭

We'Re NoT goNna hUrt HeR

With grease and meat all over his face and his mouth still stuffed

It was at that moment Genzo realized he had nothing to worry about

Nojiko getting the tattoo for Nami though! She's such an amazing big sister

Oh my goodness yes doctor man please tell Zoro off for not taking better care of himself because I will if you don't

Usopp's fight was honestly pretty funny and I enjoyed it

Oh my God I just remembered the sea monster cow and I felt for so bad for it, Sanji and Luffy were so mean

On that note, wtf is up with Luffy and hurting cute animals? First Shushu and now this? Someone call peta on this boy

I wasn't a huge fan of how obnoxious johnny and yosaku were but I loved that they were basically a stand in for the audience/riff on oc fan characters and self insert fics (which I totally don't write all the time whaaaaat why would you ask) and so self aware that I can't even be mad most of the time.

Nami stealing everyone's wallets is such a rad way to prove she's self sufficient and going to be okay out on her own

Also not letting anyone say thank you is such a mood

She does what she wants

Luffy you're the captain, you sweet stupid enabler

The pacing of the hat scene in so good of my gooooosh

Weirdly this arc has had some of the best edited recap intros so far

I honestly kinda wish we got to see Nami throw down in the final battle. She goes up ready to fight and then just doesn't, I'd have liked to see her at least beat up one fishman. But I also love how much the others go all out for her

I really liked the moment in Usopp's fight when he was going through all his lies and his tone gets more and more unsure and how it builds up to him declaring he'll never pretend to be a pirate again because he's going to be a pirate

Sanji trying summon good vibes? That's so dumb and cringe but I love it

Speaking of Sanji, I love that he thought to blow into the gills I was not expecting that kind of solution

Also, I love Sanji's character... as long as he isn't around women. Let him be a bitch to everyone, not just the guys.

And the the wounds opening up as the as Hachi is swimming? That was a great payoff

God the Mirabelle scenes hurt

Genzo's an amazing character and I really like him

Hajiko too, she's awesome

The little kid feels super tacked on tbh. He disappears for half the story and then comes back for a hamfisted monologue. Is this different in the manga? I sure hope so

I kinda love the Hawaiian shirt and bandages look on zoro, heavy trans masc vibes which I love

Yikes on the scene where Arlong rips off Zoro's bandages though dysphoria kinda triggered uhhg

I bought Sanji's cook book and there was no special orange sauce sauce recipe why did he not ask for crew contributions?

I'm honestly shocked the town had enough food for Luffy to gorge himself like that for three days, they're gonna need the money Nami left to recoup their losses

The ship flying and Luffy just having a blast the entire time had me wheezing

Stretching Luffy's head above water was such a brilliant and creative solution. Makes me wonder if the same could work for Buggy if he chop chopped his head off before sinking.

All in all, these dorks are so good for each other

[theartist666-official]

~ Words Can’t Begin to Describe | Kujou Sara x GN! Reader | SFW ~

Description: General Kujou is known for not being the best at communicating with others, but you still have your own ways of understanding her.

Genre: fluff

Warnings: none, but there’s implied itto x reader in here at the end too 😌✨

(a/n): not proofread, so lemme know anything (nicely bc i have minor rejection sensitive dysphoria)

The Tengu Warrior, Kujou Sara, rarely ever had much time to relax. She spent her days training, getting her and the Shogun’s army stronger. But when she did have a moment to spare, you somehow found yourself being part of her down time.

For whatever reason, she made monthly visits to the Grand Narukami Shrine where the two of you first met. You being the nice person you are allowed her some space when she made her way to the Sacred Sakura Tree for a quiet prayer. Having this sort of interaction every time she visited eventually led to the two of you growing closer and developing enough trust to consider each other good friends.

Maybe you didn’t see her as often as you’d have liked, but whenever you saw her roaming the streets of Tenryou on her own in a relaxed manner, you’d offer to spend some time with her, which she always accepted without hesitation. You’d talk about all sorts of occurrences you experienced in your day or throughout your week while she listened intently as you two walked side by side.

The two of you would share a meal, always taking turns every time to pay for the food, and then you’d both make your way to the Grand Narukami Shrine. A certain head shrine maiden with fox-like appearances could be heard making amused giggles as you two stood beside each other in silence. By the end of it, night seemed to fall way faster than the both of you could anticipate, so she’d always offer to escort you back home as a sort of thanks for the whole day and so that she can make sure you’re safe.

You’d always been so kind and patient towards General Kujou. While her subordinates often looked at her fearfully for her stern outward appearance and commanding nature, it was an unnatural feeling she experienced when you saw past all of that. It made her wonder if you had perhaps pitied her or were looking to gain some sort of leverage on befriending someone under direct order of the Raiden Shogun.

For these reasons she had come up with, her curiosity got the best of her. “If I may be allowed to inquire about something, why is it that you have such an amiable disposition towards me?” The Tengu Warrior spoke up suddenly. “Huh?” You tilted your head not fully understanding. “… Surely you know that I am not the most capable of carrying out normal conversation. It is something I have yet to perfect. Still, you speak to me normally even when I cannot form a desirable response.”

She frowned a bit and shifted her eyes away feeling slightly embarrassed for having asked such a thing. But it surprised her to hear laughter emitting from you despite it. Was what she said really that amusing? Were you making fun of her? It didn’t seem like that was the case.

“Sara, have you been worrying about that this whole time?” You laughed. “Yes, is it not a valid concern to have?” Kujou Sara huffed crossing her arms. “I never said it wasn’t,” you reassured her. “But it really shouldn’t be something you have to worry about. I don’t need you to talk to me normally for me to understand you.”

She raised an eyebrow curiously. “Hmm, how should I put this..” You hummed putting a finger to your chin in thought. “On days where it’s my turn to pay for our food, you insist that you be the one to pay for us. You don’t say anything, but I know you probably notice my wallet isn’t too full at the time. When I’m talking my head off about something, even if you don’t say all that much, you still give me your input which shows me that you’re really listening.”

“My point is, you’re really nice to me, so I think it’s only natural I’m nice to you too,” you smiled. “I guess I can see why you’d be worried that I’d find you difficult to talk to, but I’ve seen what kind of person you are all these months. You’re a good friend to me, Sara. Maybe you’re stern because you were raised that way, but I find a lot of the things you do endearing. I mean, you’re the one who’s walking me home because you worry about me.”

The Tengu General was too stunned to speak. Is that really how you viewed her? How was it that you could understand her so well even though you only spent minimal time with each other at least once a month? There certainly was something alluring to her about your perceptiveness. “Your reasoning is… so simple-minded. Yet I can’t find any argument to go against it. But thank you. It is good to know that I am not troubling you.” You couldn’t see it because she turned to look the other way, but a small smile found its way onto her face.

“Of course you aren’t,” you told her. “Oh, looks like we finally made it to my place!” You lived in a pretty decent home in Hanimizaka, but you did spend time around Tenryou in hopes of seeing the general one of these days you usually hadn’t expected to see her. Sara nodded her head at you. “Good, I’m glad I was able to escort you all the way—“

“Heyyy!” Another friend of yours called out to you. The both of you turned to him, you with a smile and Sara with eyes glaring daggers at the big oni man making his way to you. “Hahaha! You’re back! Oh, spending the day with General Kujou, were you?” He laughed a bit passive aggressively. “Yeah, I was,” you nodded reminiscing at the nice day spent with her.

“Cool cool, yeah, seems like you had fun. Anyway, wanna look at these cool trading cards I got today?” Itto grinned. “Maybe tomorrow, Itto. I’m a bit tired.” You told him. “Thanks for taking me back home, Sara. Same time next month?” You said turning to her. “Oh, I.. would appreciate it.” She accepted. “Sounds good,” you smiled. “Night, you two.”

“Goodnight,” Kujou Sara nodded. “Sweet dreams!” Itto smiled. You waved to the both of them as you closed the door behind you, leaving them glaring at each other right on your porch. “So, you’ve gotten all buddy-buddy with my (Y/N), huh? When’d the cold-hearted Kujou Tengu get out of the Tenryou Commission’s training quarters to not arrest anyone?” The crimson oni guffawed.

“Your (Y/N)? As far as I’m aware, they don’t belong to anyone. Let alone the likes of you, Arataki Itto.” The general grit her teeth. “The Vision Hunt Decree may not be in order anymore, but there are still laws in place which you have broken. And I still have the right to arrest you for them right here and now.”

“And break (Y/N)’s heart because you put their closest friend in the slammer? Nah, I don’t think you have the guts to do it, General.” Itto says. Sara clenched her hand at the thought. “I think they would be reasonable enough to understand why you’d be put into prison. I’m sure they’d even stand to side alongside me in that case.” She crosses her arms firmly believing her own words.

“That so? You sayin’ you think you’re the one who’s stolen their heart? If you’re so confident, why don’t we make a bet?” The oni suggested. “I’m willing to bet that I’m gonna be the one (Y/N)’s gonna confess their feelings to by the end of the year. Since you think otherwise, shouldn’t be a problem getting a confession from them to you.” He says. Kujou Sara scoffed. “Why should I accept such a childish wager?” She asked. “Cuz if ya win, then sure, I’ll give you the opportunity to arrest me. No resisting. If I win though, ya gotta clear me and my gang of all the charges against us.” He grins.

“Sound like a deal, General Kujou?” Itto raised his eyebrow. After a moment of contemplation, Kujou Sara rolled her eyes and groaned at her decision. “Fine. But you better keep to your word.” She says. “You don’t have to worry about me. I’m an oni of my word, honest. Well then, the wager is set.” He holds a hand out for her to shake to confirm the agreement. She hesitantly reaches her hand out only for him to quickly pull away and laugh at her. “Ohohoho! Too slow!” He laughed. “Arataki Itto!” She exclaimed as he ran away.

[thekinkpopstandsforkillme]

It’s been 109 days days since I asked hehe do you by any chance have the pairing written up yet? I’d love to finally be able to start your work..💕

Not gonna lie... I forgot this wasn't being posted... I really thought I had already posted it...

ANYWAY, part 1 of 5!!

This is being viewed as dom v sub relationships between them, so this is implied 18+ i guess???

chan/minho

* chan is minho's baby!!!! Minho caregiver 100%!!!!

* Chan needs someone to take care of him bc he gives and gives and gives bc he doesn't know how to Not Do That or Stop Doing That

* so Minho gently turns that into Chan being able to Let Go for a second, to Breathe.

* Minho makes sure Smexy Nights focus on chan recuperating and not having to deal with the responsibility of seven other lives

* but also, let's be honest!!! sometimes. things switch up. bc minho is Wine Mom of the group and deals with the Secondary Issues and things get hard!!!

* even then, tho... minho is still hyper aware of chan and tries to make it easier for him

* but yeah. minho absolutely just. takes away everything for chan. and chan loves him so fucking much

* i feel like their dynamic is very push and pull. stable in the way that they are each others rocks but fluid in the way the waves change and bend and fold.

chan/changbin

* changbin needs a good cry sometimes, ya know?? and chan gotta hug n smooch things better 🤷‍♀️ i don't make the rules, i just enforce them idk what to tell you

* chan has to be rougher with him tho. Like. Love wise.

* not necessarily rougher sex wise but definitely rougher love wise

* bc like. changbin is going to Need That Type of Reassurance.

* changbin is def the type of person (at least w chan) that can't always have the soft words

* chan: LISTEN!! TO ME!! 🗣🗣🗣 YOU ARE L O V E D AND B E A U T I F U L AND YOU DESERVE TO E A T AND STAY H E A L T H Y AND IF I HAVE TO BEAT UP YOUR BRAIN IN ORDER TO LOVE YOURSELF THEN I W I L L

* changbin, as his lizard brain activates: oh yes plz brain being dumb need hold

* i feel like their roles really don't flip

* changbin is very much in need of someone to take care of him in the way chan can and they love each other so v v much

* i definitely feel like chan would be more inclined to give his thoughts to changbin without sugar coating things and i think that's super important in their dynamic and it leads into their bedroom life as chan forces changbin to continuously communicate with him

chan/hyunjin

* okay listen. It changes. Hyunjin is too used to bouncing around in order for their dynamic not to as well

* in the way of: chan is still the dom whether he is top or bottom, but their positions change

* bc hyunjin needs control sometimes and je finds it in topping and feeling like he has the power in the situation without actually having the power.

* he's so afraid of it, of himself, and he and chan are working on it, but still

* it's hard.

* but also. Sometimes. Hyunjin just needs chan to wrap him in his arms and squeeze him and help him forget the rest of the world.

* chan is willing to give and give and give until there’s nothing left of himself, but he’s also willing to take and take and take until hyunjin doesn’t think life hurts as much

chan/jisung

* they're soft. so soft.

* and giggly.

* and touchy.

* neither of them would be able to take anything seriously. grinning like fucking idiots while their teeth bump, which only serves to make them laugh harder.

* chan would be the top (and dom), but if jisung is feeling spicy, who is chan to deny him?

* and jisung wouldn’t be able to let go of chan. they’d be touching c o n s t a n t l y. and chan 100% indulges him at any moment

* even so, jisung is Tired Constantly^tm, so he Does Not Do Work Ever^tm

* but he likes being babied :((( let him be babied :((((

* i just feel like it would be fun, ya know??? like they’re best fucking friends above all and they’re cute and in love and they just wanna make e/o happy

* and chan would be super good about making sure both their sex life and their non-sex life stay healthy

* by that, i mean: he would be super careful not to diminish his sexual relationship with jisung to a reward system attached to his mental health

* he'd be super careful that jisung doesn't think they're only having sex bc he isn't feeling well or bc he's feeling better and that he's undesirable when he's not feeling well

* and i think that's super important in all relationships but especially in a relationship like theirs (esp bc i think jisung has really bad rejection sensitive dysphoria)

chan/felix

* baby duckling imprints on mommy duck energy

* like felix does a little !!!!🥺!!!!!

* have you seen fruits basket??? where haruhi is watching over kagura??? and kagura just [is baby] and haruhi just [drops everything!! squeals, hugs, dotes!!]

* yeah that’s them

* felix: [says a single word]; chan: holy shit take my soul just- just take it, no don’t worry about it, here take my wallet too oh my gosh you want food??? i’ve got some in my backpack.

* chan = soft dom, felix = the babiest. like. THE babiest.

* and don't get me wrong-- i'm not trying to infantalize anyone in any situation, i just feel like this is the type of person felix is. he needs constant reassurance and physical affection and blatant, direct acknowledgements to understand that he is enough and doing well

* with this in mind, felix 100% wants to be called good and sweet and pretty and loved!!!

* and chan is INDULGENT. AS HE SHOULD BE.

* and the aftercare??? a straight fucking HOUR of chan holding felix n rocking them back and forth and promising felix that He Is The Best Ever

chan/seungmin

* okay, well, i have a l w a y s headcannoned seungmin as ace

* (shut the fuck up I'm not projecting, you're projecting.)

* despite that, nonsexually, seungmin= biggest bottom ever

* chan= biggest service dom ever.

* that man is wrapped around seungmin's fingerrrrr

* seungmin wants him to walk away from dinner???? Done. Bring him apple slices in bed???? Absolutely. Carry him through the house For No Reason??? Bitch you KNOW it.

* even so. Seungmin is too Good to (truly) abuse the power he holds despite knowing chan would walk to the ends of the earth for him

* so chan tries!!!! But seungmin says 🙅‍♀️ and chan says 🥺 and seungmin goes hhhhhhhhhh okay but just this once!!!! bc he is Weak As Well

* all this to say, i think they have a very give and take relationship

* and neither of them want to take bc they're scared so they keep giving and giving and giving

* and idk maybe sometimes those clashing personalities start a fight, but they work it out in the end and try to do better, to take as much as they give, to realize that it isn't selfish, isn't bad, to let the other take care of them.

chan/jeongin

* jeongin brat. try to tell me otherwise. SIKE! YOU C A N ' T!

* but in the way where chan goes "!! Take care of yourself!!" and jeongin goes "😂 that's cute that you think I'll listen to you 💕 make me."

* spoiler alert: chan does.

* sometimes, ya gotta pin your s/o down and get them to drink water and eat and love themself.

* it's kinda like holding a cat that likes being held but makes you fight for it (in a healthy and non-oppressive way)

* but you'll "fight" them for it bc you love them!! and you'd do anything for them!!

* and you know that they only fight you bc they feel like no one ever put them first in their life so they know if they make you work for it and you DO stay and keep trying, it means you actually do love and value them

* and that's on trauma 😎

* so yeah. Chan will take the challenge. Bc he loves his traumatized s/o

* and i think that's super important as well, recognizing your partner's trauma and taking it into account without diminishing them solely to their trauma

* and chan does a good job of that both in and out of their bedroom

[yikesharringrove]

Umm, I accidentally deleted the request for this while moving it to my inbox, so here it is. (Also this is like, four months old).

I’m gonna rec this fic which is super well written and adorable

Steve is ftm. (Personally, I’m not a big fan of mpreg unless it’s like, biologically plausible 🤷‍♀️)

Under the cut bc it’s long and there’s a little bit of smut.

-

Billy’s hands were shaking as he raced out of the house.

He had a bag slung over one shoulder, had already put two others in the Camaro.

His dad had gone in hard today. Three days after Billy graduated high school and he’s already calling him a deadbeat, a fuck up. Telling him to get a job like he hasn’t worked every summer and most weekends since he was fourteen.

He lit a cigarette as he slid into the driver’s seat.

He was gonna make one stop on the way outta town.

-

Steve had given Billy a spare key months ago, after he was tired of always having to go downstairs and answer the door.

He liked it when Billy just made his way up, started kissing whatever skin was already exposed and asking Steve if he’s wet.

Tonight, Steve thought, was no different.

Billy was kissing up his calf, mouthing along his knee, a few fingers creeping up the leg of his shorts.

Billy was the best sex he’s ever had. Not a lot of gay guys will go down on Steve, some won’t even fuck him. He had been real hesitant to tell Billy, start having regular sex with his best friend, because he didn’t think Billy would want anything to do with him when he knew what he was bringing to the table.

But Billy had told him not to be an idiot, ate him out, and pounded him into the mattress.

And Steve was in love.

So he let Billy fuck him whenever he pleased, because at least Billy was giving him the time of day, at least he was getting some.

He opened his eyes, smiling lazily down at Billy.

“‘Time is it?”

“Almost two.” Billy was curling two fingers into his waistband, slowly pulling down his shorts, like maybe Steve wouldn’t notice.

Steve lifted his hips, and Billy whipped off his shorts, diving right in for his pussy.

He ate him out with the same fervor he did everything. Making all these gross slurping sounds, sucking on Steve’s cock and shoving his tongue inside him.

He made Steve cum twice on his face, as was the norm, before wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, and getting right to business.

He fucked Steve like he was mad at him.

He often did. And Steve knew he wasn’t mad at him, moreso mad at the other him, the him that’s ruined Billy’s life since before he was even born.

Steve wasn’t as dumb as everyone thought. Knew that when Billy snuck into his bedroom at odd hours of the night and absolutely ravished him, something bad had happened with his dad.

So when Billy finally rolled off of him, and lit a cigarette, Steve knew better than to ask.

“I’m leaving.” Steve just hummed at him. Billy sometimes stuck around after sex.

But Billy didn’t move.

“Like, leaving Hawkins.” Steve just hummed again. Billy talked a lot about leaving Hawkins. Steve had always secretly dreamed of running away with him. 

Billy just studied his face in the dark, stubbing out his cigarette and rolling over to hols Steve close to his chest.

Steve closed his eyes, let himself pretend.

Pretend that Billy loved him back.

-

He woke up to rustling, Billy getting dressed to leave as weak sunlight began to trickle through his curtains.

“Oh shit, didn’t mean to wake you.”

He smiled lazily at Billy.

“You comin’ back over tonight?” Billy looked stiff.

“Probably not. Sorry.”

“That’s okay. I’ll see you later, then.”

“Yeah. Later.” Billy was sitting on the end of his bed, had just finished tying on his boots.

And then he moved, quick as a flash to kiss Steve softly before he was thundering down the stairs.

Steve was just falling asleep as the Camaro roared away.

-

Billy had skipped town that night.

And Steve never forgave himself.

-

Steve was leaning over the counter, his head pressed into the cool top of it.

“I threw up all last week, and I just feel like shit.” He had been whining to Robin practically all morning at Family Video.

“Do you think you have the flu?”

“I don’t know, Rob. I mean, my stomach hurts a lot, but like, it feels like I’m just having awful cramps.”

“Are you on your period?”

“Nah. Don’t get it very often with the hormones anymore.”

“Normally I’d suggest pregnancy, but I know you’re in a bit of a dry spell.” He rolled slightly to look darkly at her. “Still no word of Billy?”

“No. The one person in Hawkins that isn’t too transphobic to fuck me, and he skips town.” Steve sighed. “I should’ve known, too. He was being super weird that night.”

“Whatever. When you and I skip town, we’ll have the time of our damn lives, and get you laid.” He laughed softly.

“I’m just gonna go to the doctor this weekend. Get a full physical.”

“Let me know the verdict at and I can come over with some medicine, if you need.”

“Thanks, Rob.”

-

Steve was lying back on the stiff exam table.

He had already given blood and urine samples, and was just waiting for the doctor to tell him what the fuck was wrong with him.

Sometimes his hormones had to be adjusted, and caused all sorts of weird shit to go haywire in his body.

Dr. Mauch was a kind woman, always been pleasant and accepting of Steve, even referred him to an endocrinologist for his hormones.

She didn’t smile when she came in, though. Just sat down at her stool.

“I’m going to go out a limb here and say that this is not news you’ll be happy about hearing.”

Steve felt his heart drop to his stomach.

“You’re pregnant.”

He blinked.

“No.”

“I’m sorry, Steve. But you most definitely are.”

“But, but I’m on blockers, and testosterone, and I haven’t had sex in months.”

“I’d say about six months.” His mouth was dry. Billy had left in late May. About six months ago. “And being on hormones is not an effective method of birth control. Some men still get pregnant after taking them.”

“I’m not, I don’t look pregnant.”

“Some people don’t really show their pregnancy. My sister was rail thin the entire time, had a perfectly healthy baby girl. It’s all about your body type.”

“So, so you’re telling me, that I’m six months fucking pregnant.”

“Yes.” He slumped back onto the exam table.

“What are, what are my options?”

“Well, unfortunately, not many. Abortions are only legal in Indiana up to 20 weeks, or five months, or unless the person pregnant is facing severely compromised physical health. There’s always adoption.”

“No one’s gonna want a baby from a trans guy.” She pursed her lips.

“I think that’s a harsh statement. Many people are desperate for babies.” Steve just stared at her.

“So, if I have to take it to term, should I like, go off my hormones.” His stomach gave a lurch at the idea.

“I would recommend it. There’s very little research one pregnancy in transgender individuals. We really don’t know how hormones can affect the baby.” Steve sighed. “I would say, get in with an OB/GYN. I can recommend a few I know and send them your medical history. Your name change and hormone therapy is part of all of it, so hopefully they will be kind.” Steve sighed.

“Thank you, Doc. I really appreciate it.”

“I’m sorry for the disappointing news.”

“Nah, it’s fine.” She gave him a copy of their appointment notes, a list of OB/GYNs for him to research, and a hug before she left.

He drove home slowly, feeling exhausted, like the weight of the fucking world was on his shoulders.

He got home to find Robin sitting on his front porch, her nose buried in a book, a pizza box sitting next to her.

She looked up at him, and he burst into tears.

-

“Look, Max, if he contacts you in any way, tell him to call Steve, okay? It’s important.” Robin was yammering to Max on the phone, trying to get a way to contact Billy.

Steve was laying on the couch, had his shirt rucked up over his stomach, pushing it out and sucking it in, trying to see any change in his body.

“Just give him Steve’s phone number and tell him he’s an asshole.” She hung up the phone, perching on the armrest at Steve’s feet.

“She know where he is?”

“No. She said he ran off and hasn’t contacted her at all. She didn’t even know he was leaving.” She slid onto the couch, let Steve put his feet on her lap. “You think he’d come back? If he knew?”

“I don’t know. I’m not really asking him to. I mean, I don’t think I’m in a place to take care of it, but I kinda just want him to know it exists. Like, I think he deserves that.”

“I get it.” Her voice was soft. She watched Steve stare at his tummy some more. “I’m sorry. I’m sure this is just, dysphoria out the wazoo.” Steve huffed a laugh.

“I don’t think it’s really hit me yet. I think ‘cause I’m not showing. I don’t look pregnant, so how can I be pregnant, you know?” He sighed tugging down his shirt. “Going to the doctor’s gonna be a damn nightmare, though. They’re too used to dealing with women. It’s gonna suck.”

-

Steve was right.

Even though his primary care doctor had sent his medical history, he still got deadnamed and misgendered at reception, and intake, and by the nurse, and the doctor when she finally arrived.

They gave him a pelvic exam, getting him in for a sonogram as well.

And as the doctor was moving the imagining wand around on his tummy, and he heard the heartbeat for the first time, something caved inside of him.

A baby. He was having a baby.

And part of him, a really fucking big part of him, was starting to love it.

-

His parents were home for four days.

And Steve had waited for the final day of their homesteading to tell them.

He’s glad he did.

Diner was as quiet as always, and Steve had nearly choked on the words.

“I’m pregnant.”

His father had gotten out his wallet, asked how much an abortion costs.

“I’m too far along for that. Nowhere will legally do it.”

His mother had just stared at him. His father asked how far along he was.

“Close to seven months. I didn’t even know until like, a week and a half ago.”

And his father had stood up, and the yelling began.

“I can’t believe you. You kick up this huge fuss, make us change your name, and the way we refer to you, go around telling everyone your a boy, and you get pregnant like the little slut you are.”

And he had told Steve to back his shit, told him he was not welcome in my house anymore.

And Steve didn’t have a lot of shit he cared about, the clothes he liked fit in one duffel bag.

His mother didn’t look at him as he left.

-

He had called Mrs. Henderson from a payphone.

Nobody else could give him a ride anymore, and he wasn’t expecting her to drop everything and drive him somewhere, but she had freaked out at the words kicked out and for getting pregnant, and told him to stay where he is.

She was there with a tight hug and a travel mug of honey lemon tea within twenty minutes.

Steve had asked for a ride to a youth shelter he had read about, but she shook her head, said you’re coming to live with me and Dusty and Steve had cried in her passenger seat, and again in her guest bedroom.

-

Steve groaned.

He had finally begun showing, just a little bit out a mound near his belly button.

But he felt like shit, had taken to spending most days in bed.

He bat away whoever was shaking him.

“Go away.”

“Steve, it’s Max.”

“I’m sleeping.”

“I found Billy, you asshole. I have his address.” Steve sat bolt up straight.

“You, where is he?”

“Boston. He went east, for some reason. But he sent me a letter, out of the blue, and I told him you had something important to say, but he said he doesn’t have a phone.” She handed him a slip of paper.

“Thanks, Max.” He gave her a weak smile, found her chewing her lip.

“Is he the father? The other father, I mean.” He had told the party about the pregnancy, figured rumors would begin spreading soon enough.

“Yeah. He’s the other father.”

“He wouldn’t have ditched you. If he’d known.”

“I know.”

“He’s not like that.”

“I know.” She stared him down. He kept his face open, honest.

“Are you gonna write to him?”

“Yeah. I just, I don’t really know what to say.”

“Just keep it simple. Tell him he’s got a kid. Let him choose what he wants.”

-

It took Steve almost a month to draft a letter.

He didn’t really know what to say.

He settled on the bare minimum.

I’m pregnant. And it is most definitely, without a doubt, yours. I’m not expecting anything from you. I don’t want money, or for you to move back to Hawkins. I just thought you deserve to know about your kid.

He read the letter about three times, one hand pressed delicately to his little bump.

I’ve decided to keep the baby. I’m going to raise them. You’re welcome to meet them, and be in their life if you choose, but if not, I’m not going to hold it against you.

He sealed the envelope, leaving it on his nightstand.

And then his contractions started.

He didn’t get around to sending it.

-

Claudia was the only person in the room with him when he gave birth.

She held his hand the whole time, coached him through his breathing.

And when his son was born, she pet his head, told Steve how beautiful he is.

-

Steve was slumped face down on the bed.

He had just gotten Oliver down, calmed him down enough for him to finally sleep.

He rolled over, scrubbing a hand down his face.

He had barely slept all week. But Oliver had smiled at him for the first time yesterday.

He turned to lay on his side, zeroing in on the envelope on his nightstand.

He sat up quickly.

Fuck. He needed to send that letter.

He didn’t bother thinking about it, just wrapped his sweater tighter around himself, and hurried to the mailbox. He put the little flag up, leaving the letter in the little inner clasp.

He looked back down at Oliver, running one finger over his fuzzy little head.

-

He didn’t hear from Billy for three weeks.

He knew the letter wouldn’t take more than a few days to get to him, and it would take just as long for Billy to get him back.

He had pushed Billy out of his mind, figured if he wanted to be part of Oliver’s life, he had given him enough of a chance to be.

He put on a thick sweatshirt, had taken to wearing baggy tops to hide his tits, too sore, too big to bind anymore. Oliver squealed at him when he leaned against the side of his crib, reaching out for him.

He strapped him into his stroller to take him on a walk, stopped dead in the doorway.

Billy fucking Hargrove was in the driveway, standing next to the Camaro like he had just gotten out of it.

His eyes were wide, trailing from Steve, to Oliver, and back again.

“Is that my kid?” Billy’s hair was shorter than when he had left.

“Oliver. His name is Oliver.” Billy stepped around the car.

“Can I, can I see him?” Steve brought the stroller down the driveway, taking Oliver out of the stroller.

Billy held him like he was made of gold.

“He’s beautiful.”

“I think he looks a lot like you.” Billy smiled at him.

“Thank you for telling me. I’m sorry I couldn’t get here, I was waiting for my semester to end.”

“It’s okay. I just, you know. Thought you deserved to know about him.” Billy stared at Oliver, his smile going soft as Oliver squealed, tugging on Billy’s hair.

“I want to be in his life. If that’s okay?”

“Of course it is. He’s your son too.” Billy brushed his thumb down Oliver’s nose.

“Thank you, Steve. And I’m, I’m sorry about how I left. I was going to-” he cut himself off, looking back at Oliver. “I was gonna ask you to come with me. Chickened out last minute.”

Steve’s heart was banging against his rips.

“I would’ve gone with you. Used to dream about running away with you.” Oliver started getting fussy, making disgruntled little huffs. Billy passed him back to Steve. “I was in love with you. You know that?”

“Yeah, I knew that. Was to chicken shit to do anything about it.” Billy was still looking at Oliver, the way he nestled into Steve’s neck. “He loves you a lot.”

“It’s been the two of us for awhile.”

“You’re a good dad. Always kinda figured you would be, though.” Billy took another breath. “You know, you could’ve told me sooner. I would’ve come back.”

“I don’t want you to, to change you life. Don’t quit school, or something.”

“Steve, I got a kid. I want to change my life for him. For, for you.”

“I can’t ask you to do that.”

“No never did. I’m choosing this. I’m choosing my family.” Steve hesitated.

“Would you like to come in? Have some breakfast? You could give Oliver his bottle, If you wanted.” Billy’s eyes lit up.

“I’d like that.”

[justthatamount]

Since I'm rambling about being trans today... I wanna share the story of how I ordered a binder. Dunno if I already did sorry. Also WARNINGS, mentions of past abuse.

I came out a year ago this month (22nd I think) anyway I'm a minor right? This means I still have to live with my parents. I struggle really hard with Dysphoria and somedays I feel like I can't handle it. Anyway my parents are STILL in denial this means incorrect names pronouns and not being allowed to transition. I have a short "female" haircut (super masc haircut on a female model thank God almost nobody would do it since they didn't want me to look like a dude funny since that's the point) anyway I have like super big tits. This means they're hard to hide and I didn't have a binder.

The other day I had an idea I pulled up Gc2b's website and chose out my dream binder. Then with the help of my little brother (donated like $25 cash for this he's really trying but struggles a lot) anyway we biked to the store to buy a $50 Visa giftcard. The binder would be $33 dollars but I struggle with crippling anxiety and didn't want to be short. Anyway I entered the store $51 in my wallet. I was alone since we forgot a bike lock I'm already shaking with both anxiety and excitement. I grab the card and get a little confused on wether or not I can use self check out (some random employee yelled across the store that I could) so I head to the self check out.

The attendant this nice old man (definitely a boomer) helps me out. Then I start to pay by the end I'm $3.84 short and I'm shaking I don't know what to do. I'm on a time limit I have an event right after this and my little brother forgot his phone so I can't contact him. The old man comes over and asks me if I'm short I nod and give a shakey yes. This absolute God whips out a $5 bill and goes "it's ok I'll cover it" so now I'm crying super greatful thanking him. Anyway I leave the store shaking and holding the giftcard crying happy tears. I make my way over to my little brother and he freaks out seeing me crying and shaking.

Turns out I happen to be the luckiest person in the WHOLE WORLD. My brother points to a bike next to ours and says "we have to go" I nod confused. He asks me if I know it and I have a nagging feeling of dread but shake my head. Anyway he looks at me and says "*redacted* we have to hurry I spoke with them" ok so turns out my LITERAL FORMER ABUSER WAS THERE. I can not stress that enough.

So we bike home I'm still crying and when we finally get home and it hits me. My little brother saw and spoke to my former abuser (for personal reasons I won't disclose the stitch but I will say he WAS NOT harmed by this person ever in his life I made sure of that) he was fine by the way. It was an absolutely terrible experience but I pushed it away my mind spinning with how close I was to being unsafe again. Anyway I go upstairs and pull up the website and put my order in anxiety and excitement mixing together.

In short if that man didnt do that for me I would never have been able to. I can no longer go back there out of fear and it's the only place nearby I could've gone.

This is why you should be kind you have no clue how much you're affecting them. The whole "one small act could change a person's day" things could've been so much worse if he hadn't done that for me.

[zinziinziiin]

I was tagged by my friend ash to do this! I’m gonna tag @promise-reprise , @rilagooma , @acrosc , and @nikkotikashi , so they can do it if they want, or not if not!

1. What is the color of your hairbrush?

it is green, though I have a blue one too

2. Name a food you never eat?

most of them. I am unreasonably picky. if I had to highlight one, it’s tomatoes!

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold?

here’s a hint: I live in australia

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

watching a youtube video about animal crossing!

5. What is your favorite candy bar?

mars bar? we don’t really talk about “candy bars” much over here.

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports event?

been to some basketball games with my dad’s ex wife. wasn’t a huge fan, but at least it wasn’t boring

7. What is the last thing you said out loud?

“oh, level 37... that’s not bad.” in reference to my mum’s WoW adventures

8. What is your favorite ice cream?

spearmint choc chip for sure!

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?

drinking a pasito (passionfruit-flavoured soft drink) as we speak

10. Do you like your wallet?

[shrug] I’d rather have it than not

11. What was the last thing you ate?

fish & chips

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend?

is this common???? no I did not.

13. The last sporting event you watched?

probably the olympics tbh. I don’t like sports much

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?

regular buttered popcorn! pretty sure I can eat my bodyweight in it lmao

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to?

person? someone who works for the mental health place I go to. people? the D&D group chat I’m in with my mum. I barely talk there lmao. text message but not a phone text message? ash, the mate who tagged me.

16. Ever go camping?

unfortunately, yes. I hate camping, but my parents have taken me several times

17. Do you take vitamins?

nah

18. Do you go to church every Sunday?

I’m an atheist, so uh. no. always have been an atheist, never prayed. been in churches and the likes before and been deeply uncomfortable invariably

19. Do you have a tan?

it is very easy for me to have a tan even when I barely leave the house, so yes!

20. Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza?

neither lol I Hate Food. bad textures, bad tastes! for most everything! I like plain rice tho

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw?

if the soft drink comes with a straw when I get it, yes

22. What color socks do you usually wear?

I have many different coloured socks, but I have more black and white patterned socks than any other colours!

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit?

I don’t know how to drive

24. What terrifies you?

Most Things!!! I have an anxiety disorder AND PTSD AND psychosis. gotta say, the things that terrify me most are fires (PTSD), drugs (severe paranoid delusion), and pregnancy (severe gender dysphoria AND paranoid delusion! fun!)

25. Look to your left, what do you see?

some LEGO, the can of pasito I mentioned earlier, a box of stimstuff, and the PMMM manga

26. What chore do you hate?

I find it very hard to do most chores, but the one I despise most is doing the dishes. I can’t do it for other people at all, it’s way too nasty even with gloves!

27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent?

daily life? I live here

28. What’s your favorite soda?

take a wild fucking guess, buddy

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thrus?

I can’t drive, but I vastly prefer it when the people I’m with go through the drive-thru! otherwise I have to be in a filthy smell-filled place with other people, and I usually have to place my order myself, which also makes me nervous!

30. Who’s the last person you talked to?

the mate who tagged me, ash.

31. Favorite cut of beef?

I don’t really eat beef. in fact, I can’t remember the last time I had it? sorry, Beef And Dairy Network Podcast!

32. Last song you listened to?

UNSTOPPABLE by bandori’s RAISE A SUILEN

33. Last book you read?

if we’re counting manga, the PMMM manga I mentioned earlier. if we’re not, it’s the Angry Aztecs Horrible Histories book

34. Favorite day of the week?

saturday usually! it’s coin boost day in bandori, it’s D&D/beat saber day, and I usually get maccas for dinner

35. Can you say the alphabet backwards?

"the alphabet backwards”

36. How do you like your coffee?

I don’t

37. Favorite pair of shoes?

my platform boots. I only have like 3 pairs of shoes that fit and are not broken: my thongs, my canvas shoes, and my cool platform boots

38. The time you normally go to sleep?

midnight!

39. The time you normally get up?

like... 9am? ish?

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets?

I’m rarely awake for the sunrise, and I wouldn’t wake up just to see it, so sunset

41. How many blankets on your bed?

do people usually have a fixed amount? I barely even have a sheet in summer, but I have sheet, doona, and extra blanket in deep winter

42. Describe your kitchen plates?

white and functional, though they’re not “mine” because I live with my mum

43. Do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage?

I have enough wrong with my brain as it is, I don’t need alcohol

44. Do you play cards?

I could, but it’s not exactly a common occurrence for me

45. What color is your car?

I don’t know how to drive

46. Can you change a tire?

couldn’t if I tried

47. Your favorite province?

we don’t even have those

48. Favorite job you’ve ever had?

I've never had formal employment. Yet.

49. How did you get your biggest scar?

gave it to myself over the course of several very stressy days

50. What did you do today that made someone else happy?

made a moodboard for my friend!

[tiergan-vashir]

What about a cis woman who has androgynous features and hates it and herself for it? I'd give anything for a more feminine face and not look so flat chested. Is this dysphoria too? Do you have any resources for this sort of problem? It seems silly, but when I see trans women having things like facial feminization surgery or going on hormones and getting breasts that are nice, I wonder if a cis woman who experiences the same pain over her androgynous features is in the same boat..

Aww, anon. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re struggling this way. I wouldn’t say this is gender dysphoria as gender dysphoria is involves a persistent sense of unease and conflict between a person’s physical or assigned gender and the gender with which he/she/they identify.  You are a cis woman who identifies as a woman, but wishes she looked more feminine, which is very different.

I would assess how strong your feelings are and if it’s extremely severe, to the point that your distress causes you to be highly preoccupied with it and it is impacting your school, work, home, etc or and you find yourself hiding away, I would consult a therapist. You may have body dysmorphic disorder.If it’s not quite THAT extreme, the I would say that what you’re feeling and struggling with is still totally valid and far, far more common amongst folks than you might think.  Whether you realise it or not, as a woman you are bombarded all the time with powerful systemic, societal pressures to look, dress, and behave in a certain manner every day - and all of that can really destroy how people feel about themselves.

Shoving the rest of this under a cut for length.

Let me just tell you right now - my breasts are fuckin’ tiny.  I know I literally just asked for advice on binders a few days ago, but I’m an A cup at best. Probably smaller.  The slight, itty-bitty ‘cup’ shape on my flimsy bralettes probably give these non-existent knockers more shape than they really have.  Even though I’m buying binders and what not, on a lazy day, I could honestly just slap some pasties on these nip-nops and call it good. They’re that small.

This is amazing and awesome now that I’m busily trying to minimize their existence as much as possible.  I consider myself genderqueer/genderfluid so some days I’ll be crushed over the fact that I can’t be this tall, jacked, majestic Tiergan-shaped dude, while other days I’ll be fine and dandy with looking like a woman, while MOST days I just want to be the purest manifestation of Gender Confusion Inducement™ in other people.  Me wanting binders over my itty-bitty nublet tiddies is just me wanting to go that extra mile to be flat as a fuckin’ wall.

But when I thought I was a cis woman? I felt crushingly ashamed by them.  

Back then, I didn’t really like myself or how I looked. I didn’t like looking at myself in the mirror. I HATED looking at myself in pictures. I rarely took selfies, because I thought I was not very attractive.  I thought I was bland and ugly looking.  Society had told me again and again that attractive women looked a certain way, were shaped a certain way, dressed a certain way, etc, and that clearly my unhappiness was based upon the fact that I did not conform to that mold.I thought to be happy and to feel better about myself, I had to double down on the womanliness and become more conventionally attractive. So I’d buy things like massive push-up bras that never felt good, comfortable, and I hated in a desperate attempt to conform. I’d buy these really specific types of shirts and clothes that I didn’t like at all, but thought was what was ‘pretty’ for women. I’d fumble through learning make-up, not because I was interested in the colors, the expression, the creativity, and accentuating my features the way I wanted, but because that’s just what adult women were supposed to do.  I’d buy certain shoes I didn’t really even like, but knew pretty women were supposed to like and wear.

I was trying so damn hard to fit the mold and in the end, it only made me feel worse.  I felt like I was wearing this awkward, uncomfortable shell. People would tell me I was pretty, but I didn’t feel happier. I just felt more miserable, because all this extra emotional and physical labour I was putting into myself just to fit this arbitrary bullshit notion of what an ideal pretty lady was supposed to be like was EXHAUSTING and I didn’t even really like how I looked. I didn’t want to do it all every. single. day of my life.

Realising I was nonbinary was absolutely liberating for me, because I thought  “Well… if I’m not a cis woman and none of the old ‘rules’ matter anymore, …what does handsomeness or beauty actually mean to me?” 

And for the first time in my entire adult life, I defined for myself what beauty and handsomeness truly meant for me.  It was wonderful and liberating.  The first thing I realised was that I didn’t really give a fuck about how big my boobs are. Society did. And BOY HOWDY it was GREAT not giving a flying fuck about that anymore.  I still keep a few bras around for costuming/cosplay purposes, but you could not catch me fucking dead in one otherwise.

I used to hate make-up and find it to be this long, cumbersome chore that I would lose interest in doing every day, but once I got to sit and experiment on how I personally actually wanted it to look on my face - I fucking loved it. I like experimenting with colors and want to play with more. It appeals to the artist in me to play on a canvas even if that canvas is my face.

Fashion as a whole became a wild new experience. I stopped thinking about what I felt pressured to buy because it would make me look a certain way and what I really, really wanted.  I made a pinterest board of fashion goals and pinned every single thing I could find that I liked - regardless of whether it was a man, woman, or theater major dressed up in costume wearing it so I could identify what I actually wanted.  I dyed my hair pink, but got it cut in a more masculine manner and I fucking love the way I look now.

You might be thinking “Yeah, ok, Tiergan, that’s great and all, but I’m not nonbinary.”

But the funny thing I realised was that even though embracing that I am nonbinary led me to this understanding that I could take back my own power and define for myself what attractiveness truly means for me - this was a thing I could have done at any point in my life if I hadn’t been so buried in all those signals from society on what beauty was supposed to be.

I’m not going to sit here and tell you “just accept ur natural self! Don’t change a thing! Body positivity!!!!!” Because: 1) I know when you’re in a place of feeling super down on yourself, that shit doesn’t help at all and just feels extremely inauthentic. 2) I changed A LOT about myself until I was happy with my appearance. I just didn’t change it in the ways that I previously thought I was ‘supposed’ to.

So instead what I’ll say is that if you’re willing and able, I would set aside an hour or two each week to clear your mind, dig deep, and try to visualize a universe in which nothing anyone else thinks about your appearance matters anymore, because YOU are God.  You have a blank slate.  

There is no pressure to look a certain way to be considered beautiful, because you’re God. You decide what is beautiful..  No one in this universe gives a fuck if you have big tiddies, little tiddes, medium tiddies or any kind of tiddy, because right now the universe is a blank slate and all tiddies are created equal in a blank slate.  No one in this universe cares whether or not you have the perfect heart-shaped feminine face or not, because you’ve not told anyone yet what is considered attractive.  You are the decider of beautiful things.

Now imagine that you, as God of this World, descend down to hang with the mortals.  You can’t really change your body without going back to your old weirdo universe back on Earth, but what you can change is your clothes, your hair, your make-up, etc.  Knowing that this universe is yours and you get to decide what beautiful is for yourself, what would you change?  

Remember, you’re God in this universe you’ve made - so you don’t have to impress fucking anybody.  Anyone who says shit to you gets smited or yeet into the sun.  As a god, you get to wear what makes you feel powerful, majestic, and appropriately godlike - what does that clothing look like?  Can you imagine it?  If it’s hard, maybe pull up pinterest and surf around for your god-clothes.  Would you get stylish sneakers or thigh high boots?  Would you get a lady’s power-suit or a lolita dress?  Would you get some neat unique godly jewelry? (If yes, I recommend Etsy. That site is gonna destroy my fuckin’ destory my wallet.)

What’s your make-up like?  Is it tough to imagine?  Pull up another pinterest. Use it to find your god-makeup.  And hey - are you putting this make-up on because it makes you feel GOOD and POWERFUL like the goddess you are, or to impress the mortals? Because again - you’re god. You don’t have to impress jack shit. This make up is for YOU and what makes you feel GOOD and POWERFUL and GODLIKE.

Do you still care about having bigger boobs? (Did you know a fuckload of actual supermodels and Hollywood actresses have small tiddies? So even in THIS universe, you don’t need big boobs to be beautiful!)  Do you still feel unhappy that your face is kind of androgynous according to the dumbasses back in the vastly inferior universe you originally came from?  Or do things in your universe where you’re god feel pretty great?  I hope so, because gods don’t really have time to worry about the funky assumptions of mere mortals. You’re too busy being fabulous and doing godlike shit.

Hope this sort of helps!

[1112lw]

Every question!!

SDFFSDFG DAM OK SIS

LONG POST AHEAD IF U LITERALLY WANNA KNOW ME PERSONALLY JUST READ THIS LMFAO

1: Name: Arche/Jupiter, my close friends know my real name so!

2: Age: High school has just been done so try to guess

3: Fears: Heights, oral presentations, the dark

4: 3 things I love: Drawing, men- concept art n stuff like that

5: 4 turns on: Oh here we go- uhh thighs, messy hair? when they give u The Look or when they. say things i will not talk about here HHGBDF n uhhh Arms 👀👀

6: 4 turns off: weird macho attitude, overly confident bullshit, being selfish and fuckboys in general

7: My best friend: not sure what this means but my bff is named Daphnée n i love her and ive known her my whole life so 

8: Sexual orientation: homosexuale

9: My best first date: :))))))) as if

10: How tall am I: sigh. I’m 5″4

11: What do I miss: sometimes i miss the feeling loved ig

12: What time were I born: 12:19

13: Favourite color: pink!

14: Do I have a crush

15: Favourite quote: My senior quote!! “if what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, I’m telling you I’m immortal”

16: Favourite place: well? my room ig? I like my yard too

17: Favourite food: ugh ramen,,,korean dishes are TASTE as fuck but i also like classic ass spaghetti so like lol

18: Do I use sarcasm: does it look like i dont

19: What am I listening to right now: dr.phil LMFAO

20: First thing I notice in new person: Hair and eyes!! also how they laugh

21: Shoe size: Like. a 7-8 in women’s 6 in men’s 

22: Eye color: Hazel/Golden yes bitch let me be special

23: Hair color: it’s either dark brown or golden brown idk

24: Favourite style of clothing: bruv its either kpoppie fuckboy or uwu skirts pastels

25: Ever done a prank call?: no i have anxiety

26: Meaning behind my URL:

27: Favourite movie: rise of the guardians and HTTYD

28: Favourite song: Comeback Home (BTS cover)

29: Favourite band: looks in the camera i dont know nan molla huh

30: How I feel right now: I’m fine im hungry

31: Someone I love: shoutout to my babeys in my server ily

32: My current relationship status: Single(tm)

33: My relationship with my parents: theyre fine ig just a bit tired

34: Favourite holiday:

35: Tattoos and piercing I have: Ear piercings? that’s it

36: Tattoos and piercings I want:

37: The reason I joined Tumblr:

38: Do I and my last ex hate each other? I sure hope not?

39: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? A bit ig?

40: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? Literally no

41: When did I last hold hands? Like last Friday

42: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? 20 minutes

43: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? no i havent shaved in like months

44: Where am I right now? in my room, in quebec, canada

45: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? bitch i sure hope my friends would

46: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? fuck my ears 

47: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? yeah

48: Am I excited for anything? yeah? yeah

49: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? ig? always

50: How often do I wear a fake smile? just at work tbh

51: When was the last time I hugged someone? not long ago i cant tell but my friends r cuddle monsters so 

52: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? i havent kissed anyone so 

53: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? lemme think uhhh no not rlly im not dumb 

54: What is something I disliked about today? i woke up n i thought i had school lol

55: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? oh john cock i want to be ur best friend

56: What do I think about most? i daydream 24/7

57: What’s my strangest talent? uhhh i can put my thumb behind my hand?

58: Do I have any strange phobias? trypophobia, if thats “weird”

59: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? depends on what the video is, mostly behind

60: What was the last lie I told? idk answering to my deadname

61: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? online

62: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? I slightly believe in ghosts? also aliens GOTTA exist so 

63: Do I believe in magic? i think!

64: Do I believe in luck? yeah

65: What’s the weather like right now? very pretty i filmed a video outside!!

66: What was the last book I’ve read? L’Étranger d’Albert Camus in french class

67: Do I like the smell of gasoline? yes my dad’s a mechanic

68: Do I have any nicknames? a lot a lot

69: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? bitch @ my birth #neverforget 

70: Do I spend money or save it? i have 40$ in my name right now

71: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? no

72: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? yes highlighter

73: Favourite animal? cats or otters

74: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? FBISDFD NO WE DONT TALK ABOUT IT

75: What do I think is Satan’s last name idk he can have any last name he wants!!!

76: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? everytime i start hearing “waiting for you anpanman” or “i just wanna go home” 👀👀

77: How can you win my heart? aaahh. be a twink. b fashionable. b funny. cheesy. pls romance me like a npc in the sims 2

78: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? s(he) died smh

79: What is my favorite word? cunt is SUCH a satisfying word

80: My top 5 blogs on tumblr? oh great uh honestly cant be fucked 

81: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? please have brain. PLEASE

82: Do I have any relatives in jail? i sure hope the fuck not?

83: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? either invisibility or mind reading

84: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? ahaaa “what are your intrusive thoughts”

85: What is my current desktop picture? my lesbian sims getting married LMFAO

86: Had sex? no

87: Bought condoms? no

88: Gotten pregnant? NO

89: Failed a class? i think yeah maths last year

90: Kissed a boy? :(((

91: Kissed a girl? no

92: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? no

93: Had job? I have a job rn so 

94: Left the house without my wallet? yeah when i go to school

95: Bullied someone on the internet? define bullying?

96: Had sex in public? virgin squad

97: Played on a sports team? yeah

98: Smoked weed? no ew

99: Did drugs? no ew

100: Smoked cigarettes? NO EW

101: Drank alcohol? yep 

102: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? no i’d die

103: Been overweight? i’m twig

104: Been underweight? i think i was underweight when i was young? i was very Small

105: Been to a wedding? yes very long boring

106: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? bruh. everyday

107: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? probably?

108: Been outside my home country? ONCE

109: Gotten my heart broken? TWICE !

110: Been to a professional sports game? yesss canadians game!!

111: Broken a bone? no

112: Cut myself? not technically 

113: Been to prom? SOON SOON SOON SOSOSNSBFSHDD

114: Been in airplane? once

115: Fly by helicopter? i am not rich bitch

116: What concerts have I been to? noneeee- WAIT NO MARIE MAI

117: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? not sex but for the purpose of pretending i have a penis yes plenty

118: Learned another language? yeah!! i learned english, i almost learned spanish and i’m trynna learn korean now

119: Wore make up? i try!! but i’m not super good

120: Lost my virginity before I was 18? not 18 yet but it’s goin that way

121: Had oral sex? as if 

122: Dyed my hair? i wishhh

123: Voted in a presidential election? I WISH THE ELECTIONS R ONE MONTH B4 MY BIRTHDAY 

124: Rode in an ambulance? nope

125: Had a surgery? yes at a week old 

126: Met someone famous? i think yes but i was super small

127: Stalked someone on a social network? define stalked?

128: Peed outside? yes

129: Been fishing? YES

130: Helped with charity? i think? we do volunteering so 

131: Been rejected by a crush? not directly

132: Broken a mirror? no 

133: What do I want for birthday? boyf......boy..boyff

134: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? oh man uhh maybe 2-3, i dont know their names yet honestly

135: Was I named after anyone? MY DAD NAMED ME AFTER A FUCKIN CLIENT HE MET. as for my actual name now I named myself after my fav video game character. lit

136: Do I like my handwriting? yeah!!

137: What was my favourite toy as a child? bitch hot wheels

138: Favourite Tv Show? hells kitchen,,,,judge judy,,,anythin like that

139: Where do I want to live when older? honestly i wish i could just live in japan or tokyo, or new york? but i will most likely end up in montreal 

140: Play any musical instrument? i used to play the clarinet last year!!

141: One of my scars, how did I get it? the one on my knee, i scratched my desk with my knee 

142: Favourite pizza toping? my dad makes AMAZING sea food pizzas,,,

143: Am I afraid of the dark? a lot

144: Am I afraid of heights? A LOT

145: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? idk prolly? im a bit of a goody two shoes or however u spell it

146: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end: dont we all

147: What I’m really bad at: organizing my anxiety n shit i get overwhelmed

148: What my greatest achievments are: finishing high school 

149: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: honestly has to be that time someone dug up my vent post about being dysphoric to try to say i hated myself with some dumbass DySphorIa Is SelF HaTRed argument

150: What I’d do if I won in a lottery: pay my parents’ debt off, buy 284223$ of BT21 merch, pay my whole college/uni and transition

151: What do I like about myself: idk i like how i literally do not give a fuck anymore and ive learned to love myself instead of trynna care

152: My closest Tumblr friend: @peptobismol-official​ @ace-landofthesun​ @dorkalisious​ and ana but idk her @ anymore :((( ana pls

153: Something I fantasise about: we dont talk about that

154: Any thoughts on the paranormal?: lit. please stop crawling in my ceiling !

ok now that u know my whole biography. go doxx me ig. bye bye

[thorem]

Trans and Otherkin: debunking popular myths

So yeah, I have decided to do that stuff too. Why? Because there is a lot of misunderstanding regarding transgender issues among the otherkin. For example, hordes and hordes of people think that being otherkin is the same as being transgender and that it is literally a fact, while it is not (I am serious).

Also, this may sound hilarious to some of you, but I am tired of transphobia in some parts of the community. All of you know what part in particular I am talking about, but it really, really hurts, and it will definitely suck if I’ll meet the same thing here over time. Gender is not a kin, but it doesn't imply that you are totally different and can safely participate in cishet hate because of that.

And, yes, I am transgender and otherkin, so I think that I can freely speak over the topic.

So let the magic of snow, ice and light begin!

Myth #1: It is okay to regard transgenderism and otherkinity as the same thing.

Reality: It is NOT okay to regard transgenderism and otherkinity as the same thing and doing so is transphobic.

"Oh, yes, Thory, we know your position here, but aren't the roots of being Otherkin an uninvestigated issue? Maybe otherkinity is a gender or in other way directly related to trangenderism, how do you know and why do you think that stating so is transphobic?"

Well, yes, being otherkin may be the same thing as being transgender. And it may be the same thing as being a president of the United States. It could be anything. However, the belief that all of the US presidents are otherkin and vice versa is not a basis for a lot of hidden transphobia within the otherkin community, while regarding otherkinity and trangenderism as two equivalent things is. A lot of people inside the community think like that:

“I don’t try to persuade everybody to call me a dragon in public, why shall I call you a woman then?” — well, you can call me a dragoness, I will prefer that more, sure.

“I am not open about being a dragon, so you shouldn’t be open about being a trans-woman and make those stinky sodomic prides either!” — totally agree, dragons must have a right to sodomic prides, defending our constitutional rights to safely breath fire, eat princes (I prefer princes over princesses) and not being discriminated against our scale colour at our jobs :(

“I feel OK not being a dragon in real life, why do you damage yourself then in order to become a female?” — because operations to change your species became too costly nowadays, eh? I should’ve voted Labour..

And even…

“God, taking hormones is the same thing as wearing a fursuit!” — sad to hear that. My Don’t Hug a Cacti hormone replacement therapy costed me a lot, my wallet.

Yes, those are the real things I am getting to deal with in my real life. Not mentioning the far right propaganda, “gay agenda”, TERFs and other realities of everyday Russian otherkin community.

In fact, being transgender and being otherkin can have many things in common, however, it is not a thing you will discuss openly, but rather a matter of a serious and long discussion. While species dysphoria is a thing and can really hurt, it can in no way compare to how transgender feels: there are nearly no suicides attributed to the first one. Also take into account that otherkinity is strongly related to spirituality, phantom limbs and all of that stuff, while transgenderism is materialistic, crude and blank. Well, you may say that you are transgender as you saw yourself as that in your dream, but you won’t dive into the utterly discriminated, loathed and hated community by nearly everyone on political compass only on that basis, won’t you?

Myth #2: I am going to go to the pride with my brand new otherkin flag, transgenders will accept me!

Reality: You can also go with the flag of TERF Island or Russia here and will literally have the same outcome.

Otherkin people are not the part of a pride. Not because they are not valid, but because they don’t have any rights to petite for and don’t face discrimination whatsoever. Well, maybe, I can regard dragon curves not being studied on my math curriculum as discrimination, but it in no way compares to systematic state-based hatred and discrimination with my own president loathing people like me, to basically tides and tides of bullying and violence from feminists, nationalists, communists, christian fanatics, even the adolescent fiction writers! Moreover, this will only strengthen discrimination against transgender, because a lot of “normie” people can regard otherkin folk as zoophile perverts and transgenders as their allies.

I am in no way stating now that “normies can think that we are going too far” thing, but your emergence will be dangerous and pointless. Keep it to yourself.

Myth #3: High percentage of transgenders among the otherkin implies otherkin being a spiritual phenomena.

Reality: It can imply a whole plethora of things.

The logic from which this argument follows is that past lives are gender neutral, which is why 50% of otherkin will be in their past life a gender, different to which they have now. Which is why they will be transgender then or will have a higher percentage of them due to other being enby and, therefore, as we see that it is, otherkin is a spiritual phenomena. So what is wrong with that logic?

We don’t know the exact origins of otherkinity, because everybody experiences it differently: some have the phantom limbs, some do not, some have the dream part, some do not. Therefore, there may be different materialistic theories of otherkin, where some are related to transgenderism, some are not. For example, one may experience gender dysphoria concealing as “species dysphoria” due to the combination of inner/outer transphobia and the love for certain species. Or maybe transgenderism is related to species dysphoria in some sophisticated way, who knows? It is just important to say that it doesn’t imply that species dysphoria and gender dysphoria are the same thing which is felt the same way, because affiliation is not the same thing as equivalence (see Myth #1).

Myth #4: Otherkin must have the same gender as their kintype.

Reality: The gender they identify with and the gender of their kintype are different things.

While it can seem at glance that the reality is “The kintype must have the same gender as the otherkin”, because otherkin identify themselves with their kintype fully and blah, blah, blah, but this reasoning exclude the guys who don’t identify themselves with their kintype directly, but instead are describing it as “past life”, “a sentinel” or some other thing. Well, some may say that “past life” is the same thing as identification, but if humans identifying themselves as a sperm inside the egg cell is a thing now, I think that this post can be regarded as outdated.

And, yeah, if we are talking about the “identify-otherkin” guys, then we still are not aligning with the myth, because then “The kintype must have the same gender as the otherkin” as gender is usually much stronger than your kintype (at least, I haven’t seen people committing suicide due to not being able to lay eggs), while Mowgli syndrome is a thing.

Myth #5: Transphobia and enbyphobia can’t hurt the otherkin community.

Reality: Indeed. They destroy it.

Yes, I am a hypocrite. You can’t go to pride, but can’t be transphobic or enbyphobic either, what a terrible, terrible Thory. But life is not about justice and otherkin is in general regarded by society as much, MUCH more bizarre thing, than transgenderism with no scientific evidence, except several poorly written descriptions of confabulations and nightmares. What is even worse is that there is no way otherkin can become normalised without LGBTQIAP+, because there is no normie who will say that being “a dragon” is normal, not saying that being transgender is norman. Except furries, but they are, of course, “the scum, who makes society think bad of us”.

So by being transphobic and enbyphobic you just repel the only ones in this world, who can theoretically care about you. Good luck!

Myth #6: Most of the male otherkin are gays, because they were females when they were their species.

Reality: Most of the male otherkin are gays, because dragon dicks are much more beautiful, tastier and tactile than ugly human sausages.

Being serious, interpretations of Holy Bible vary less, than this whole “science” about homosexual otherkin.

Probably there is less differentiation between male and female species of kinds, other than human (at least, in imagination of otherkin), there are less females in otherkin community as whole (and if there are, they go together due to otherkin community being a misogynistic bullshit (Even I want to go away because of that)), so bisexual and bi-heterosexual otherkin have only one choice left. The theory about hidden transsexuals among the gays is overtly transphobic and if you seriously believe and spread that hypothesis — you are a dickhead.

So, that said, I think that I have investigated all the popular myths about the trans*persons in the community. Of course, there are many more, which are smaller, but I don’t want to turn this post into a lecture. Hope that I will review them in individual posts or my separate big article on #gender.

Have a nice day ^^

White dragoness, Thorem Hal

[shirlleycoyle]

Hackers Dissect ‘Mr. Robot’ Season 4 Episode 11: ‘Exit’

Every week, a roundtable of hackers discusses the latest episode of Mr. Robot. Episode 11 of Mr. Robot’s final season had one last attempted hack, so we discussed [SPOILERS, obvs] rubber duckies, Stuxnet, text/graphics games, parallel universes, and more. (The chat transcript has been edited for brevity, clarity, and chronology.)

This week’s team of experts includes:

Freddy Martinez: a technologist and public records expert. He serves as a Director for the Chicago-based Lucy Parsons Labs.

Harlo Holmes: Director of Digital Security at Freedom of the Press Foundation.

Trammell Hudson: a security researcher who likes to take things apart.

Yael Grauer (moderator): an investigative tech reporter covering online privacy and security, digital freedom, mass surveillance and hacking.

One More Hack

Yael: So I thought it was interesting that there was just one more hack. This is how criminals get caught: they just want to do one more job. And then one more job. And then another job.

Trammell: Yes, the "one more hack" thing is why I go to bed far too late many nights.

And how vacations without projects can turn into almost withdrawal experience. "I'm not good with computers, I'm just really bad at giving up."

Yael: Right, like that except with the added risk and adrenaline rush of breaking the law. (Allegedly.) I think he really does think he'll be done after this hack.

Trammel: He used a Digispark to sequence things. It is an Arduino compatible ATtiny85 system that can pretend to be USB devices. One common use is as a "rubber ducky" to store lots of keystrokes so that the attacker doesn't have to carefully type the commands. That seems to be how he used it. He plugged it in and it started (slowly) sending commands while he watched. I didn't catch all of them—some sort of power shell invocation and then the fuxor program to encrypt the /bin directory (after gathering entropy).

Image: USA

Harlo: Yeah, similar to a ransomware attack! Which is kind of prevalent nowadays, targeting civic infrastructure.

Trammell: When Mr. Robot said "that would take forever to write," I was hoping that Elliot would reply, "I've reused most of the Stuxnet code.” (Although the Stuxnet virus targeted uranium refinement for nuclear weapons, rather than nuclear power plants.)

Yael: Is Stuxnet code public?

Freddy: Some of it is, other parts are not. I think some Stuxnet code is still technically classified.

Trammell: The NSA/CIA/Mossad were just giving away the Stuxnet binaries for free!

Freddy: Yeah, they were "giving away" the Stuxnet code; all you needed to qualify is an emerging nuclear enrichment program.

Trammell: Not only was it free, they even offered a complimentary on-site installation by a Dutch technician.

A Dutch newspaper featuring the Stuxnet attack. (Image: DeVolkskrant)

Ideology

Yael: I thought the conversation between Whiterose and Elliot was super interesting, about who is more hateful. Because I think it's easy to think you're doing stuff to help people when you actually dehumanize big swaths of the population.

Trammell: Very few people seem to ask, "Are we the baddies?"

Yael: Haha, they should just go on Reddit. /r/AmItheAsshole? I thought it was problematic that the one trans character on the show decides mass murder is the answer due to gender dysphoria. [ed: Hey, don’t forget about Hot Carla! She is good and pure!]

Though in White Rose’s mind, it wasn’t mass murder. It was "helping people." Or something. But also, it was funny for Whiterose to be like, "you are hateful, your name is FSociety" after killing dozens of people in the plant. Or ordering their killing, anyway. "No, actually, you are the real hater."

The Hack Attempt

Yael: Can someone explain the tech to me? Does it matter at what point you start the program and the malware is put in? And how does this lead to a nuclear meltdown?

Harlo: This is not a Stuxnet-like attack, I don't think. I think Elliot just encrypted /bin on some remote computer, which is nowhere near as sophisticated.

Yael: Anyone who wants to learn more about Stuxnet should read Kim Zetter’s book on it, Countdown to Zero Day.

Trammell: I think the meltdown was inevitable when White Rose switched on the machine; the malware didn't have any effect.

Yael: Okay, so Elliot got there too late. Sorry, Elliot.

Harlo: Get Kim Zetter on the phone. I was just about to say, it was like bringing a knife to a gunfight. What Elliot was trying to do reminds me more of the rash of attacks against municipalities (see New Orleans just a few days ago, Baltimore last summer; countless school districts). Which is ridiculously effective, but nowhere near the sophistication of an attack like Stuxnet. Thus, knives at a gunfight. Yet, the scary thing is, these knives are proving HORRIFICALLY effective.

Trammell: On the rubber ducky: that's bad opsec by the plant. Allowing random USB devices, even HID input devices, is a bad plan for security.

Yael: How do you disallow USB devices from getting plugged in?

Trammell: You can set up allowed-lists or banned-lists in most OSes so that only permitted devices can be used. You can still spoof it if you know what is allowed though; my homebrew keyboards all claim to be generic 101-key Microsoft or Dell keyboards so that they are likely to be permitted.

Freddy: At some companies, they have rules that will send an alert when a USB is plugged in, and then they have a security person who shows up to talk to you.

Yael: Maybe that person got shot, though.

The Game

Yael: I thought it was so weird that Elliot didn’t think it was strange that the people doing security for the site just, like, weren’t there.

Trammell: When it turned into a first-person shooter game with all of the empty rooms and unlocked computers, it seemed like Elliot should have realized something wasn't quite right. White Rose totally pulled an Ozymandias on Elliot.

Yael: The game reminded me of one I played as a kid, but I can't remember what it was.

Trammell: The game was very much inspired by the text/graphics games of the era, although the parser was much more sophisticated than the Z-machine of that time.

Harlo: I have an AWESOME BOOK FOR YOU TO PLUG. Twisty Little Passages by Nick Montfort. It's a media archeology about interactive text-based games.

Yael: It seemed like there was no way for Elliot to win the game.

Freddy: As with all nuclear policy, the only winning move is not to play.

Image: USA

Trammell: The Apple //e in the episode came with a lowercase character generator built in, so that part was realistic. I wonder if they wrote the game and ran it on real hardware. A few years ago at the NYC Resistor Interactive Show, we had Flapple Bird, a real retro game for the Apple 2.

Yael: Did anyone catch the door code?

Trammell: The door code was 0509, the date of the hack.

Flapple Bird (Image: Trammel Hudson)

Parallel Universe

Yael: The episode ends with the weird parallel universe. Do you guys think that is actually happening? Or is it in Elliot's mind? (I've been watching The Runaways, so it seemed so… redundant, lol.)

Harlo: I got a kinda Rick and Morty vibe.

Trammell: “Did you know that the first Matrix was designed to be a perfect human world, where none suffered, where everyone would be happy? It was a disaster…”

Freddy: It reminded me of the scene where Elliot becomes a normie.

Yael: I didn’t like preppie Elliot, to be honest. He was a little annoying.

Harlo: Maybe this is what Whiterose was talking about in her vision of the better life?

Notice there's no Darlene? What does that mean?

Yael: IDK. I don't want to be in a parallel universe without Darlene, though.

Trammell: Yeah, why didn't she come along to the new world?

Yael: Even Tyrell was there.

Trammell: Tyrell in a hoodie, just like he wanted.

Freddy: Tyrell being a cool CEO like Mark Zuckerberg.

Harlo: Maybe because Darlene's not dead yet?

Trammell: It seems that Tyrell knew that this was a reboot and was trying to figure out if Elliot knew as well. Was Elliot "forgetting his wallet" an attempt to test the new rules of the perfect world?

Freddy: I thought so too, Trammell!

Yael: If this is how Elliot really dies, it's sad. And almost anti-climactic, to be honest.

Harlo: I just hope the next episode is a real-life Rick and Morty crossover.

Hackers Dissect ‘Mr. Robot’ Season 4 Episode 11: ‘Exit’ syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

[obviouslyelementary]

We will believe

This is a second part of my fanfic ‘Anything Better’

Warnings: body dysphoria, implied prostitution, implied robbery, sickness, open ending.

---------

After five months in the run, they were settled.

They had found a small alley where they made somewhat of a house. They had a few mattresses they used to sleep on, they had a few blankets, they were able to fix some kind of roof big plastic pieces for when it rained, and sometimes the old woman from the street would let them sleep inside when her husband and her were travelling, which wasn’t a lot but it helped.

And honestly, those five months were great. They had little food, little water, but they were together and they were so happy.

But of course that nothing could be as simple as that when it came to a life in the streets. And when winter came, with snow and cold, Roman got sick.

Really, really sick.

“For god’s sake Roman, stop moving” Patton begged for the tenth time that day, holding the boy down against the mattress as he cleaned his burning hot forehead.

“W-work…” Roman gasped out, trying to sit up again and coughing deeply, biting his lip down as he laid again, trying to keep his nausea in.

“You are not going to work like this, for heaven’s sake…” Patton said, taking out the thermometer out and hissing at the numbers. “We need to get you to a doctor… Right away”

“Money… we don’t… I will… fine…” Roman tried, his face twisting in pain. Patton sighed and shushed him, putting new cold cloths over his forehead while pulling more blankets around him. Then, he looked at Logan and Ann as they stared at the two.

“We need to take him to the hospital as soon as we can… He can’t stay here, in the cold, for much longer…” Patton said, and both Logan and Ann nodded, both rushing around and grabbing whatever they had of money laying around. Patton got his and Roman’s money, and Logan counted how much they had.

“Well… I don’t think this will even cover whatever medicine he has to take…” Logan mumbled, and Patton sighed while Ann crawled to Roman’s side, shakily curling against him from out of the blankets. He was so cold, but he couldn’t touch Roman like that. He would only get worst.

“Ann..?” Roman mumbled, and Ann looked up, moving a bit closer and lifting his head so Roman would be able to see him. “You… tremble…”

“I’m fine” Ann mumbled, moving his fingers through Roman’s hair and smiling weakly. “You need rest. Sleep. Staying awake won’t help”

“Cold…” Roman said, as loud as he could, almost like a command, and his arm weakly lifted the pile of blankets as much as it could. “Come…”

“God damn it Roman…” Ann muttered, his eyes tearing up as he pushed the blankets down again. “You’re dying and yet… ugh… you need to stop being so selfless, you will die like that” he said, before he sighed and hugged Roman as he could. “You will be okay… I promise…”

“I know…” Roman answered, nuzzling weakly against Ann’s hair. “I am… with you three…”

Ann pulled away before he could start to cry, afraid that the wet blankets would make Roman worst.

-------

“You know there is no other way, right?”

“Logan. Do you know how bad this will be for you?!” Ann asked, both away late at night, a little far away from where Roman and Patton slept. “If you do this they will make you dysphoric again an-”

“I know what will happen, but at least I won’t be stealing” Logan said, his glance firm over Ann, making the boy look down, playing with his thumb. “No matter what we do, Patton won’t agree and neither will Roman and we will regret it for the rest of our lives but we have to do this before it’s too late”

Ann looked up slowly and leaned in, pressing a quick but filled with meaning kiss to Logan’s mouth, pressing their foreheads together.

“You are Logan and nothing more or less. No matter what they say or do, you will always be our boyfriend Logan. Okay?” he mumbled, looking at Logan’s eyes and holding his cheeks. “I love you…”

“I love you too Ann…” Logan mumbled, closing his eyes and biting his lip. “We need to save Roman. We have to. It’s not a choice.”

“I know… I know… I promise we will get enough money to give you the surgery. I promise”

“I know…”

---------

That was the fifth house Ann broke in.

That was the eighth man to call Logan ‘princess’.

They got the money.

That was what mattered.

--------

“Roman, time to eat” Patton said, mixing the soup on the plate carefully, walking to Roman as it became a little colder. He put the plate down next to the mattresses, walking to the pile of blankets and shaking Roman gently. Ann and Logan had just woke up and were changing. “Roman? Roman?”

Nothing.

“Pat?” Logan asked, as Patton started to shake Roman harder, his eyes widening.

“Roman?!” he asked, desperately, and both Logan and Ann rushed to his side, staring wide eyed as he shook the boy. “Roman! Wake up! R-Roman!”

“Check his vitals!” Logan said, kneeling next to Patton and making him stop before checking Roman’s breathing and heart rate. Both slow, way too slow, but steady. His body was burning. “Call the ambulance. Now!”

Patton nodded, grabbing the phone he had brought from his old house and calling the ambulance as quickly as he could, while Logan and Ann tried to wake Roman up.

“Ro please…” Ann gasped out, his eyes filled with tears. Quickly enough, Patton was back, shaking Roman again, receiving no response. After a moment of hesitation, he winced but lifted his hand, slapping Roman hard on the face and watching as the boy’s eyes seemed to open slightly.

Then they rolled back and he started to shake on his own, creeping all the three out. Logan was the one that moved however, turning Roman to his side and looking down at the clock of the phone. After the appropriate time, Roman calmed down again, body going limp. Logan checked his vitals again, his eyes widening.

“Shit shit” he said, before he removed all the blankets from Roman and laid him down, eyes filling up with tears as he put his hands over his boyfriend’s chest, pushing down a few times, trying to get his heart working. After doing it a few times, the beat returned, very slow and weak but back nevertheless. On Roman’s other side, Ann and Patton were holding each other tight, both crying desperately, already waiting for the worst. Once the beat was back, Logan let out a deep, shaky breath, face falling over Roman’s chest as he let out a relieved and scared sob, hands gripping on Roman’s clothes tightly. “F-fuck… Don’t you d-dare… Oh my god…”

After that, it took the ambulance five more minutes to arrive. As they did, the three boys let the doctors take Roman inside.

“One of you can accompany him” the main paramedic said, and Logan and Ann handed their wallets to Patton, nodding.

“Go”

Patton took the wallets and pecked both of them before rushing after the paramedic, leaving Logan and Ann behind, both shaken, tears leaving their eyes out of pure despair.

They hoped Roman would be better when he returned.

-------

“Want some help?”

Logan sighed shakily as he held the bandages in his hands, curled up behind the box where they usually changed. There was a mirror there, nothing else. He had been there for too long for Ann to get worried.

“Yes please”

Ann moved closer, taking the bandage in his hands and slowly wrapping it around Logan’s chest, assuring it was tight enough not to show in the shirt but not too tight to hurt him. He used the time to place a sweet kisses over his boyfriend’s shoulders and nape.

“You’re beautiful, you know that right?” Ann mumbled, fixing the end of the bandages and kissing Logan’s neck. The boy closed his eyes, his hands over his chest, head down.

“I feel terrible…” he mumbled, and Ann looked at him through the mirror, taking his hands and wrapping his own arms around Logan’s stomach.

“You are a beautiful, handsome male, no matter what people say. You know that. I know that” Ann whispered, hugging the older boy and nuzzling against his neck. “And I love you no matter what”

“I love you too Ann…” Logan mumbled, leaning against the younger boy and closing his eyes. “I am… so worried… I’m getting fed up with worry…”

“He will be fine. You will see”

“It has been four days. Four days and no warning. No call. No nothing. He could… he could be d-dead” Logan breathed out, fighting off the tears in his eyes as Ann did the same, arms tightening around Logan.

“I know… but we need… we need to believe…” he muttered, a sob coming out of his mouth even if he tried to hold it down. “That they will be back…”

“Okay… We will believe…” Logan muttered, before he turned around and pulled Ann close to him, both hugging each other desperately, doing their best to stay calm.

“We will believe… He will be fine…”

[doodlebug-aboo]

Literally anything JackCrutchieDavey please... But maybe one of them deaf?

Hey! Sorry this took so long! I’ve been working hard on my other fic! This has trans Crutchie so I hope that’s okay! You can also read it here on ao3!!

To The Fair!

Crutchie, Jack, and Davey decided they were all going to go to the fair. None of them had gone before, and it seemed like a lot of fun. Crutchie was very excited to spend the day with his two amazing boyfriends just having fun, but he knew they’d be out for a while in the hot sun. Because of this, he knew that he couldn’t wear his binder. Well, he could but he’d have to take it off eventually, probably in one of the bathrooms somewhere. He felt like that would be too much of a hassle and would take time away from them all having fun, so he decided to leave his binder at the apartment. He could make it through the day, he’d be having fun and wouldn’t think about it at all! That’s what he hoped at least.

It’d been awhile since Crutchie had left the apartment without a binder, so it already felt odd. In the car with Jack and Davey, Crutchie reached up to the radio from the back seat and turned it up. He was hoping some music could distract him, make him feel better, something at least. It helped a little; it helped him zone out and stare out the window. It kept him from thinking about it, so he went with it.

When they finally pulled into the parking lot of the fairgrounds, they all got out of the car and Crutchie smiled. He could see some of the really tall rides from where they parked, and he was instantly excited again. Jack and Davey smiled with him and placed a kiss on each of his cheeks, making him smile even bigger.

“You seem excited, Crutch. Ready to ride some rollercoasters?” Jack pulled a backpack out of the trunk of the car. They packed it with necessary items, wallets, keys, Davey’s emergency inhaler, etcetera. Davey hadn’t used his inhaler for years, but better safe than sorry.

“Yeah! We should ride the biggest one first!” Davey chuckled at him before putting an arm around his shoulders, Jack doing the same from the other side.

“Let’s work our way up to the biggest one, huh?” Davey raised an eyebrow at Crutchie and he pouted, but nodded.

It took a while for the dysphoric feeling to come back, but once the sun shone down on them for a good amount of time and Crutchie started sweating he started feeling worse than before. Whenever he sweat he already felt gross and sticky, but without a binder he felt even more gross. It wasn’t a great. Crutchie tried to ignore it and have a good time though. He was going to have a good day at the fair, dammit.

The dysphoria got worse and worse as the day went on. It didn’t help when people at the fair would call him ‘miss’ or ‘ma’am’ or would say ‘ladies first.’ He felt as bad as he did when he was in high school living in his family home. It was a horrible feeling, but he wanted to plow through for the other two. He could do it.

“I think it’s about time to leave, what about you, Crutch?” All three of them had just been wandering aimlessly for the past thirty minutes. It was already dark, the games were all closed and the rides were closing. It seemed smart to leave.

“Yeah, that sounds good. Jack?” Jack, who’s eyes were already drooping, just nodded. They started heading to the parking lot. Davey kept looking over at Crutchie with a weird expression. If Crutchie caught him looking he’d look away quickly. Crutchie was worried. Was something wrong? He couldn’t think of anything that had happened that could have upset Davey in some way. He hoped it was nothing, but he knew that was just hopeful thinking. Something had to be wrong, he wouldn’t be acting that way if it was nothing.

Davey still didn’t say anything when they got to the car. Jack took the back seat this time, he wanted to take a nap on the drive back home. Crutchie was in the passenger seat, with Davey driving. Davey still looked at Crutchie every now and then, but less frequent as he had to keep his eyes on the road. Crutchie waited until he could hear Jack’s quiet snores to say anything to him.

“Davey is, is something wrong? You’ve been looking at me with a weird expression and I’m worried.” Davey pursed his lips and kept his eyes on the road, thinking about what to say. He wasn’t sure really what to say.

“A few times today you were looking sad, or uncomfortable or something and I… I don’t know. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I was, or am, worried too I guess.” Crutchie looked down and turned his eyes away from Davey. He thought he had hid it pretty well, but apparently not. He didn’t want the other two seeing him upset, he wanted them to have a good time.

“Oh…”

“You can tell me what’s wrong Crutch. I just want to help. You know I hate seeing you upset.” Davey put a hand on Crutchie’s knee and gave him a quick reassuring smile before he had to put his eyes back on the road.

“Well, I wasn’t able to wear my binder today and it’s been so long since I’ve left the apartment without it. That topped with everyone referring to me as a girl or a lady at the fair…” Crutchie’s words faded on his tongue. Davey could get the picture anyway.

“Oh Crutch! I’m so sorry. I know how hard it can be for you sometimes. You shouldn’t have to deal with that, it’s horrible.” They pulled into their parking spot in front of their apartment building then. Davey leaned over and kissed Crutchie on the cheek before turning back towards Jack and shaking him awake.

“Jack, come on, get up. We’re home,” after a few minutes and he still didn’t move, Davey huffed, “Jack if you don’t get up so help me I will drag you out of this car myself.” Jack finally made a noise and sat up.

“You could never drag me anywhere Dave, you’re weak.” He smirked at him, but Davey just smacked his arm.

“Stop being an ass. Let’s get inside.” Davey shot a quick look over to Crutchie as if to say ‘we aren’t done.’ Crutchie sighed. He didn’t want to bother them, but he also wouldn’t turn down help in trying to cheer him up. Jack and Davey were always the best about it, and they really did help. He loved them so much. He really did. They all entered the apartment, and Davey dragged Jack into the kitchen leaving Crutchie at the door.

“Crutch, you can just head into the room, okay? We’ll be there in a minute. Just looking for, uh, something.” Crutchie was suspicious, but went into the bedroom anyway. He changed into some pajamas and laid in bed, waiting for his boyfriends to come in. When they finally did, Jack jumped on the bed next to Crutchie and started peppering kisses all over his face, making him giggle.

“Crutchie, why didn’t you tell us you were feeling uncomfortable. We never want you uncomfortable love, you know that.” Crutchie loved it when Jack called him ‘love,’ it made him feel special. Davey jumped onto the bed on the other side of Crutchie and wrapped his arms around him.

“We love you, Crutch. So much. You just gotta tell us when you aren’t feeling one hundred percent. Especially Jack, he’s oblivious.”

“Hey!” Jack reached over Crutchie and smacked Davey’s arm. Crutchie just laughed, as did Davey.

“I know, I know. You guys just seemed to be having a great time and I just wanted to try and ignore it. Distract myself with things at the fair. It obviously didn’t work out as well as I had hoped.” Crutchie looked away from either of their eyes. Jack wrapped an arm around him now too.

“We were having a good time, but it sucks knowing our amazingly wonderful boyfriend wasn’t having fun the whole time too.”

“Now that we know though,” Davey gave Jack a look, “we’re gonna make it up to you!” Jack and Davey, as if on cue, started planting kisses everywhere on Crutchie’s face. Davey on one side, Jack on the other. Crutchie couldn’t stop giggling the whole time. When they were done, they wouldn’t stop complimenting him.

“I love your giggle, it’s perfect just like you.”

“You looked so good today too, so handsome. Our handsome prince.”

“Damn right.”

“I’d say I’m more of a king, but I’ll take it.” Davey and Jack laughed at that.

“Yes, our handsome king. Ruler of,” Jack took a second to think, “the apartment.” Crutchie chuckled.

“You’re amazing Crutchie. I’m sure neither of us could ask for a better boyfriend if we wanted to.” Davey placed another soft kiss to his temple.

“And we’ll never want to. You’re too perfect for either of us. We’re lucky to have you.” Jack placed a soft kiss to his forehead. They could tell they were all getting tired, and Crutchie was starting to feel better.

“Thank you guys. I love you so much,” Crutchie then turned to Jack and kissed him before turning his head towards Davey and doing the same. “You guys always know how to make me feel better. Now let’s get to sleep. We have things to do tomorrow and today was a long day.” They both nodded and turned out the light.

“Goodnight Jack. Goodnight Davey.”

“Night Crutch. Night Jack.”

“Goodnight Dave. Goodnight Crutchie.”

Sorry it was so short! I hope you liked it though!

[cptsdofficial]

1-170 : * )

 Ask me! I'll answer honestly jesus fucking hell here we go

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? tbh i’m pretty ok with my height maybe like one (1) inch taller2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) i want a sphynx cat shgdhg3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? i like all kinds of styles’ Aesthetic but mine is wearing the same ten t shirts over and over4: What was your favorite video game growing up? Ocarina of Time5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: Jacob, dying and going to sleep6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? emotionally unstable7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? i Hate candy corn its Disgusting8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] melancholic have u seen my blog9: Are you ticklish? yea10: Are you allergic to anything? I’m allergic to Nut11: What’s your sexuality? people who give me attention12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? coffee13: Are you a cat or dog person? i like both but! probably more dog14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? vampire15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? youtube is a sin16: How tall are you? 5′8?17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? i chose my name lol bye18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] too much lol19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? idk not really but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯20: Do you like space or the ocean more? space!21: Are you religious? no22: Pet peeves? being alive

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? nocturnal

24: Favorite constellation? don’t have one25: Favorite star? don’t have one26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? no?27: Any phobias or fears? bugs28: Do you think global warming is real? who am i trump29: Do you believe in reincarnation? idk i don’t really Believe in it that much but i don’t believe against it30: Favorite movie? Totoro probably

31: Do you get scared easily? pretty much32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? idk a few34: What is a color that calms you? green or purple35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? i wanna visit Japan36: Where were you born? Indiana37: What is your eye color? brown38: Introvert or extrovert? introvert39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? not really but i still read them40: Hugs or kisses? neither lol

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? god42: Who is someone you love deeply? jacob43: Any piercings you want? no44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? on other people yeah, i kinda want tattoos45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? smoke what lol i’m kidding yeah46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! no47: What is a sound you really hate? me talking48: A sound you really love? cronch49: Can you do a backflip? who am i sportacus50: Can you do the splits? no51: Favorite actor and/or actress? Samira Wiley!52: Favorite movie? whys this on here twice bye53: How are you feeling right now? like i still have 120 questions to go54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? what it is55: When did you feel happiest? with @cruelknives56: Something that calms you down? I’ve never once been calm in my life57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] lol58: What does your URL mean? it means i’m a borderline and i’m also an ass59: What three words describe you the most? Bad Awful Theworst 60: Do you believe in evolution? it doesn’t matter if u believe in it or not it’s still tru lol61: What makes you unfollow a blog? everything62: What makes you follow a blog? bad content63: Favorite kind of person: Jacob64: Favorite animal(s): idk but i have rats65: Name three of your favorite blogs. mine66: Favorite emoticon: i’m on desktop but the sparkle or the bee67: Favorite meme: all memes are bad68: What is your MBTI personality type? infp!69: What is your star sign? cancer71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? the same ones72: Post a selfie or two? http://generallyqueer.tumblr.com/tagged/my-face73: Do you have platform shoes? no 74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? my head hurts75: Can you do a front flip? no76: Do you like birds? yea77: Do you like to swim? i used to but now dysphoria78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? swimming79: Something you wish didn’t exist: me lol80: Some thing you wish did exist: money in my wallet81: Piercings you have? only my ears82: Something you really enjoy doing: sleeping83: Favorite person to talk to: Jacob84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? bad85: How many followers do you have? on this blog, 19986: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? hwo is this someone healthy87: Do your socks always match? my socks haven’t matched in eight years88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? idk buut i’m not gonna try89: What are your birthstones? pearl and alexandrite!90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? frog91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? i.. don’t kno somebody tell me my aesthetic flower92: A store you hate? all of them93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? is that a challenge94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? fly cause my brain is enough95: Do you like to wear camo? never in my life96: Winter or summer? neither97: How long can you hold your breath for? don’t know not gonna try98: Least favorite person? me lol  jake99: Someone you look up to: death himself100: A store you love? idk pac sun

101: Favorite type of shoes high tops102: Where do you live? florida103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? no104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? rose quartz probably!105: Do you drink milk? yea106: Do you like bugs? No!107: Do you like spiders? No!!!!108: Something you get paranoid about? being alive lol109: Can you draw: technically yes110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? idk111: A question you hate being asked? to describe myself112: Ever been bitten by a spider? idk113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? yea114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? cloudy115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: mothman116: Favorite cloud type: idk117: What color do you wish the sky was? idk118: Do you have freckles? no119: Favorite thing about a person: gives me attention120: Fruits or vegetables? fruit121: Something you want to do right now: stop answering these122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? sky123: Sweet or sour foods? sweet124: Bright or dim lights? dim125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? me126: Something you hate about Tumblr: www.tumblr.com127: Something you love about Tumblr: validation128: What do you think about the least? idk129: What would you want written on your tombstone? it was lit fam130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? myself131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? my entire appearance 132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? rarely133: Computer or TV? computer134: Do you like roller coasters? yea135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? not that often136: Are your ears lobed or attached? lobed137: Do you believe in karma? kind of138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? -1 but also 11139: What nicknames do you have/have had? who140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? not really141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? no142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? lol i influence people143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? giving144: What makes you angry waking up every day145: How many languages do you speak fluently? 1146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? tbh who knows I lean towards mostly nb people and male-aligned ppl i think?? but i’m probably also aro so?? god147: Are you androgynous? I try148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: eyelashes149: Favorite thing about your personality: my 2 personality disorders150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. no one

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? dinosuars so i could get destroyed by that meteor152: Do you like BuzzFeed? no154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? no cause i don’t really touch people lol155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? no156: What embarrasses you? being alive157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: being alive158: Biggest lie you have ever told: i convinced my mom i was stabbed when i was seven159: How many people are you following? 205160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? 1,400161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? 9162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? 195163: Last time you cried and why: today because my rat was mad at me164: Do you have long or short hair? short165: Longest your hair has ever been: like down to my ass it was bad166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? I mean, i have opinions on religion as a whole (i’m not religious myself) but really idc, i just respect everyone’s beliefs167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? tbh? not really168: Do you like to wear makeup? no169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? no170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? yea

[sapphicsurveys]

Is popularity a social disease? It depends. With politicians and such, it can become a disease. A disease that costs us all. Would you want to be a hippie? Yes!!! I’m really open-minded and I love reggae and different colours...I’ve thought about retreating into the hippie lifestyle before, not gonna lie... In college, were you ever given exams with extremely broad and deep questions such as, 'Why?' or 'What is truth?' I’m in college right now. I had a philosophy class, but I had to withdraw from it, so...yeah... Have you knowingly destroyed an endangered plant or animal? No. Actually, I don’t know which plants are endangered, so maybe unknowingly for plants... Did your parents bronze your first pair of baby shoes? I have no clue. Do you check for a train when crossing tracks in your car even though the arms aren't down? I don’t drive. Is there gossip going around about you right now? As always, there’s a bunch of fandom tea. I don’t really pay attention to the drama of people IRL, probably because I prefer to keep my circle small anyway. How many comic strips do you read daily: None (and I CANNOT get into manga.) If you were hiding from a burglar, would you hide in the closet or under the bed? Under the bed would be more logical, but I couldn’t fit under there.  What do you most commonly use milk for: drinking or cooking? Drinking. Who should provide the condoms in a relationship: the man or the woman? The man. His dick, his issue. His responsibility if she gets pregnant, not hers. That’s how an ideal world would work. Are you ever afraid that people hate you and they're just acting like they don't? I mean, it’s true, so, LMAO. When you're crossing the street with other people, do you ever feel a need to get to the other side first? No, I take my time, because I don’t wanna get hit by a car. Should people be able to go to college without a high school diploma if they score high enough on entrance tests? No, it would fuck up your life cycle. You learn a lot about yourself through high school. High school was never about learning about subjects anyway. Would you be embarrassed if people could hear you talking to your pets? No, everyone does it. If elephants were bred to a smaller size and sold as house pets, would you want one? Sure! Do you refer to people as 'dude'? When I’m annoyed at someone and trying to make my point. Do you remember the last time you wrote a 'snail mail' letter? Does my voting application count? Do you think beards/mustaches make men look older than they actually are? Depends on the man... Are you usually the one to initiate sex with your significant other? No, I prefer masturbation to sex, TBH. When I’m dating a girl when she wants sex I usually just want to cuddle LOL. I want to fantasize about her and pleasure myself to that but not actually do it with her...??? That wouldn’t make me asexual, IDK WTF it would make me. When you're having trouble burping when you feel like you need to, does patting yourself on the chest seem to help? I don’t have trouble burping. Do you have your wallet with you right now? No, it’s in my bag by my bed. If it ever came down to a final battle between good and evil and you knew that evil was going to win, who would you fight for? Evil, because if I fought for good, it would be pointless since it lost anyway, and evil would have a grudge against me so it might send me to a prison camp or something. But if I fight on evil’s side, maybe I can be pimpin’. Do you feel guilty when you borrow money from your parents? I don’t really borrow money from them. Do you constantly have times where you have no money and then earn a lot of money and you don't know what to do with it? No. Do you always see yourself as the protagonist in the story of your life? Obviously. I’m the protagonist of MY life....of course, not the world’s though... Can you drive by a car accident without staring? I’m not the one driving ever, so I can stare without feeling guilty, I guess. Do you find it a challenge to congratulate your opponent who just beat you in a game or competition? Yes. I’m super competitive and salty. Do you think that no matter how cold or heartless someone seems there is always at least one thing in the world that they love? Yes. Sociopaths may not love people, but they sure can love things. Who is worse: Someone who doesn't repay a loan or someone that steals your CDs? I don’t know all this adulting BS. HELLPPPP. Why do you think so many homosexual men still go without condoms: because they don't know of the dangers, or because they don't care? It’s like a “fuck it” moment, probably. They’re like, “I’m horny, and at least no-one here can get pregnant, I probably won’t catch an STD, anyway.” Which is...wrong, a lot of the time, LOL. When you think about morality, do you think more in terms of good/bad people, or good/bad actions? Actions, 100%. Which of these female comedians is funnier: Ellen Degeneres or Margaret Cho? I’ve only heard of the second girl and not heard her jokes, but I don’t find Ellen really that funny. Are you scared of dying alone? I’m just scared of dying lol [2]. Are you most comfortable being treated by a doctor of the same sex as you? Of course, I don’t ever want to let a male get that intimate with me, LOL. Do you take daily walks? Yes, taking walks and listening to music is one of my favourite pastimes. Are there some slang terms you refuse to use? I don’t like a lot of the Gen Z’rs slang...I usually find myself using it anyway. Do you have a favorite pen that you use all the time? I wish I could have an aesthetic high-quality pen collection, it’s like my dream, but unfortunately I only have average ones. Have you ever changed an adult's diaper? WTF?? Do you think it's dangerous or a good thing when two very depressed people start to date each other? Dangerous. Y’all need to love yourselves before you love each other. Or else it’s just gonna be a constant flow of negativity. Do you know a game that is very stupid, yet very addicting? A lot of those dumb phone app games that make you pay for upgrades. Do you plan on having your children Christened/Baptised? I don’t want kids. Would regularly seeing videos of you interacting with people significantly improve your overall human effectiveness? That would be sooo much fun, but nothing I’d see would really surprise me. Have you ever misspelled 'misspell'? Nope. Have you ever stayed up for more than 24 hours to study for an exam? I’m not sure if I’ve ever even stayed up for that long. Have you ever been in the back of a moving truck? Nope. When you were young, did you know some pop stars were gay? Yeah. Do you have control over how much peace there is in your mind? Sometimes I can zone it out listening to ASMR videos. If you got a backstage pass at a concert, would you feel better than everyone else? Yeah, of course. Not gonna lie. Is your microwave any other color besides white? It’s black. Would you prefer a bagel or an entire breakfast in the morning? Full breakfast, baby. Breakfast is my favourite meal of the day. You can’t go wrong with it. Do you think that couples that elope have a better chance of staying together? The opposite. Do you know of a frozen dinner that tastes good? TBH, they all suck, but they’re still super convenient. I guess those Delimex Taquitos, if they count.. Will public restrooms no longer be separated by gender in the near future? Perhaps. If you do not eat red meat but eat fish are you a vegetarian? There’s a term. Pescatarian.  When you discard a piece of paper, which of the following are you more likely to do: rip it apart in pieces or crumple it? Rip it apart. Do you wear your pants and shorts above or below your waist line? Above, but I always have to pull them up because none of my clothes fucking fit me right. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a sex change operation? I want one. SOOOO BAD. In an ideal world I could become a man. I have huge dysphoria. But it ain’t gonna happen. Do you call margarine 'butter,' even though you know the difference? They’re very different, and that would be offensive to butter. Do you bathe less when you are depressed? I bathe more. Should the ASPCA and RSPCA ban the practice of kidney transplants in cats, since cats can't give consent for the surgery? ???? Would you ever drink from a bowl or cup made out of human bones? Yeah, why not? Does your car normally smell good? I don’t have a car. Do you think 9/11 will be the worst thing you will see in your life? Nah, crimes and attacks are happening day by day, who knows when the next huge one will be. Do you tend to do more research for school or papers at the library or on the internet? Internet. Don’t think anyone uses the library for that anymore. Do you have an outfit you wear that makes you feel like a star? No, but I have some graphic Tees that I’m pretty proud of. You are working at McDonald's frying meat. Your manager is being a jerk and you are ticked. A customer comes in and orders a 20-piece box of nuggets. Out of anger towards your manager, would you pack 20 or more, or 19 or less in that box? 20 or more. Give the people what they want. Once you've made up your mind about the kind of person someone is, can anything they say or do change it? Probably not. Is there a single person whose whole existence you might be interested in studying? Yeah, a few celebrities would pique my interest. Do you think that cuddling with a member of the opposite sex, with no intention of sexual relations, is cheating? No way. Sometimes we all need a little cuddle. Which would you be willing to give up the internet for: world peace or immortality? Neither. I wouldn’t give up the internet for anything. Are you a redneck? No, the farthest thing from it. Do you think by 2050 there will be flying cars? Yeah. Should politicians be allowed to have a private life? I mean, obviously?? Everyone deserves that. Do you avoid going over to other people's houses because it makes you feel uncomfortable or out of place? Yeah, more like I avoid hanging out with people in general, LOL. If someone you don't know too well puts you in the buddy list of his or her profile, would you be suspicious, or would it be OK that he or she did that? I’d love it. Do you have a trash can in every room of your home? Nope. Who said "I love you" first: you, or your partner? I’m single. Do you ever lay down and watch a movie, only to fall asleep in the very beginning and wake up when the movie is over? No, but this happens with YouTube videos sometimes. Do you say 'thank you' before leaving a store, even though you may not have purchased anything? Yeah. Would you approve if your significant other wanted to have a nude painting done? Sure. Art is art. If there were nine guilty people and one innocent, and they all had to be together, would you put them all in jail or set them all free? What was the crime they were guilty for? Is your pet also your best friend? The best friend I’ll ever have. She loves me absolutely unconditionally. When the toilet backs up, do you call someone to fix it or do you do it yourself? I call my dad to fix it. Have you ever recited a love poem to your significant other? I used to write poems and stories for my ex. It kinda makes me wanna vomit thinking back on it. Would you rather be 'all head and no heart' or 'all heart and no head'? Nope. Nope. This is too hard. I refuse. Are your teeth discolored? A lil’ bit. When you were a child, did you make or buy your Halloween costumes? Buy. Have you ever seen a movie and liked it but upon further viewing come to like it a lot less? Don’t think so. But this happens with a lot of songs. If your father was a minister, would you want him to preside over your wedding ceremony? No. Would you prefer to watch porn or a really good comedy? Depends on the mood I’m in. How long did your longest phone conversation ever last? Maybe 4 hours. Do you put your initials on everything you own? No, that’s lame. Do you like or dislike people based on who else likes or dislikes them? Not at all. Do you have a friend who you hang out with only when there is nothing else to do? No. Which is harder: calculus or trigonometry? Fuck, I can’t do either whatsoever. Do you often find yourself correcting your parents? All the time, correcting my mom. I’m smarter than her in a lot of ways. If you could stop aging at a certain age, do you know what that age would be? I have to experience more ages in order to decide that. Do you more often eat off of real plates or paper plates? Ideally, paper plates. I’m a huge germaphobe. When I move out I’ll only purchase paper and plastic ware. Have you ever had tape over your mouth? Yeah. If you encountered someone you totally didn't know and he or she seemed to tell you the solutions to your uniquely specific problems without having been told what they were, would you be more thankful or freaked out? I’d probably develop feelings for them on the spot. Would you rather eat a raw egg or a scoop of raw hamburger? Raw egg sounds tasty. Do shy kids tend to grow up to be freaks? No. Unless...they’re sociopaths. But maybe sociopaths aren’t freaks either, just another type of person. When you put on a shirt, do you button up or down? I can’t wear shirts with buttons, since I have such a big bust, it completely flops every time. Do you scent your letters when you write to a special someone? Yeah...it’s sexy. Is punk influenced more by music or attitude? Music. Did you ever start a thread that got at least 40 posts? Yeah. Can you recall the ending of the last story you read? No. Have you ever had your head stuck in an unusual place? I don’t recall. Do you have any weird or funny local slang? IDK, does “Boca Bitch” count? People don’t really use it that often but it’s true and it’s a well-known term. When you come online, is there always one person you look for? Yeah...well, a few people. Do lava lamps make you sick looking at them? No, they’re aesthetic af, I want one, I always have. Will Hollywood ever run out of ideas for movies? It’s not that they’ve run out of ideas, they’re just lazy and only care about making money. Does P. Diddy telling everyone that he is the new Frank Sinatra make you want to roll your eyes? He was probably kidding. Do you think the state of the global environment will be better or worse in 50 years? Worse, of course. Global warming..and oil drilling. Endangered species. Do you eat dinner in the dining room or in the living room? In my bedroom. Which Mike Judge cartoon do you prefer: Beavis and Butthead or King of the Hill? King of the Hill. Have you ever fallen off your chair in public? Yeah. When sleeping, do you face the doorway or have your back to it? I sleep on my side. Do you find poetry that expresses pain and suffering to be more intriguing than other types? I don’t find poetry intriguing at all. Do you only pretend looks don't matter because you're ugly yourself? Looks do matter, though. Do you find limericks to be funny and clever or annoying? Again, not a poem fan. Do you think you'd be capable of representing yourself in court rather than hiring an attorney to do it for you? Maybe.. When you flirt with someone, is it obvious or more subtle? Obvious and awkward. Which character do you think weighs more: Jabba the Hutt or Fat Bastard? What? Do you think couples break up mainly because of differences they can't resolve or because they have found someone new? They get tired of each other. Do you reread things that are written well? Yes. What hurts more: getting poked in the eye or biting your tongue? Getting poked in the eye. Do you prefer merry-go-rounds or ferris wheels? Ferris wheels. You get to look at all the scenery, be intimate, and hang in the air. Which do you prefer: original or flavored Tootsie Rolls? Original. Chocolate is better than fruit flavouring. If you had three children, would you rather have two boys and a girl, or two girls and a boy? I don’t want kids. Is having a threesome basically approved cheating? It’s approved polyamory. Is it a turn off to you if the woman has a deep, manly voice or if the man has a high, pre-pubescent voice? No, I love it. Have you copied (or “ripped”) your entire CD collection onto your computer? When I was younger and had an iPod Nano. Do you have buns of steel? No. Did you use floaties on your arms when you were learning to swim? Yeah, and I still have trouble swimming even now. Did your first ever snog involve French kissing? Yes. Do you know a person who is physically unattractive and yet a flirt? Yeah, me. LOL. Are there a lot of programs on your computer that you don't know how to use? Adobe Audition af. I pretty much only use it to make instrumentals and have no idea how to do anything else with it. Do you live in an uncomfortable environment, such as where you feel you cannot be yourself? No, not really. If you had discovered a body on the side of the road would you see if it was still alive? Yes, and then call 911. Does punishing everyone for the actions of the few get us closer to utopia? Of course not. Can you finish an entire 2-liter bottle of soda by yourself in a single sitting? No. Have your parents ever forbidden you to play a certain type of music in their house? No. Since you reached dating age, have you been single for more than three years? Nope, but I suspect that will happen soon. When buying shampoo or soap, do you choose one because of what they put in it, or because you like the smell? What they put in it for shampoo -- I need dandruff control due to my psoriasis. Have you ever had writer's block? All the time. *** Have you given anything up for Lent? I’m not Catholic. Who was the last person you went shopping with? Myself, if you count online shopping. Are you planning on dyeing your hair any time soon? No. Who was the last person you saw that you haven’t seen in a while? Annalisa. Do you sing in front of people or only when you’re alone? Both. What kind of car do you have? I don’t have one. When was the last time you left your cell phone somewhere? Never. I’m super conscientious of where I put it. Are your nails manicured right now? They never are. Do you prefer fake tanning or real tanning? Neither. Are you more of a summer person or a winter person? Neither, I love spring the most. Would you rather go to a rock concert or a rap concert? Rock by FAAARRR. Have you ever dated someone that was a different race than you? Yeah, my ex was black. Do your parents ever tell you weird things you did as a kid? A lot. It interests me. How old is your best friend? What constitutes a best friend? What does your favorite necklace look like? I don’t wear jewelry. Are you keeping a secret from anyone? Yeah. Is there anything with stripes on it in the room you’re in? Probably. Too lazy to check. Can you count how many vacations you’ve been on in your lifetime? No. Would you take a million dollars if it meant you had to die a month later? Of course not. Do you have cold hands or are you generally a warm person? Cold hands. People are always telling me how cold my body is. Do you keep any type of diary or journal? Used to. I can never stick to it, though. What was the last thing that made you really happy? Hmm...don’t remember. Can you remember what you dreamed about last night? I did when I woke up, not anymore. Have you ever gotten kicked out of a class for being disruptive? OMG, all the time. What was the last thing someone bought for you? Something from my mom, don’t remember what. Do you have a good friend of the opposite sex that is not a boy/girlfriend? Yeah. Would you rather read a book or watch the movie? Watch the movie. I need the sensual experience and the visuals. Are you a visual, audio, or kinesthetic learner? Auditory x10000. Cover songs or the original song? The original. Are you where you want to be in life at this point in time? I’m on the way. *** Do you put your name on your food coverings? No. What is something you have acquired with age? Maturity, self-knowledge, musical taste, culture. When it comes to clothing, are you the conservative type? Yes and no. I love businesswear, but I also love crazy T-shirts. Would you ever go out in public sporting pajamas? 100%. Would be fun. Do you enjoy eating? Yeah, a little too much. Have you ever ridden in a race car? Go-Karts at Boomers, LOL! Do you enjoy making people laugh? Yeah, I’m a pretty funny person. Do you go out of your way to impress the opposite gender? I’m gay. What is something that would make you happy right now? Sleep. I’m tired af but am determined to finish this survey. Are you a hygiene nut? No, but I am hygienic. Are you open-minded? Completely. Are you mathematically inclined? NOOO, it’s my worst subject. I’m linguistically inclined. What is something for which you have no patience? Technological issues and hypocrisy. Are you too concerned/worried with your appearance? No, I’m way too UNconcerned. Do you tend to be a jealous person? Yeah, but I’ve been getting a bit better about that...I think...OK, not really. Do you enjoy history? Nope, unless I’m learning about a place I’m traveling to and the history of the sites I visit/activities I do. Are you a pajama person or do you stay dressed all day? Pajamas, unless I’m going out and feel funky. Do you value looks or personality more? Both. Have you ever changed religions? Not really. I was raised a culturally Jewish atheist, and I’ve stayed that way. Do you have a high tolerance for people? Yeah, unless they’re hypocrites or homophobes/transphobes. Is there anyone to whom you are afraid to stand up? No. Do people interest you? Totally. *** Category One: Clothing I wear Converse. I wear plain black skate shoes. I really love dresses. I wear a lot of band t-shirts. I wear a lot of black. I like wearing skirts and dresses with Converse. People at my school often copy my style. I love jeans. I dress the way I want to, I don’t care what anyone thinks about my style. Wearing clothes I like gives me a lot more confidence. I don’t really look to anyone else for style ideas. Category Two: General Appearance Something about my appearance is very unique and distinct. I have more than one birth mark. I have very tanned skin. I tan extremely easily in the summer. I am skinny. But I have curves. I wear glasses. I have my father’s eyes. My self-esteem has been getting much better. People have told me straight up that they are jealous of my body - and it feels good to get compliments like that. I don’t spend a lot of time getting ready - I basically look the way I do when I wake up. Category Three: Annoyances I hate when people are overly cocky and arrogant. I hate when people make assumptions - they’re normally totally off. When I’m standing in line at a cash or something, I hate when people stand practically on top of me. It doesn’t make the line move any faster! I strongly dislike when I get excess lotion or water in between my fingers, and I don’t really understand why. If someone pisses me off enough, I’m not shy to tell them off. If someone is asked to stop doing something more than once, I feel it’s okay to start yelling at them. I hate hypocrites - but I can be a hypocrite myself sometimes. I hate people who act like know-it-alls. And I hate it even more when it’s a subject I know more about than them. I absolutely hate when people try to drag me into their pathetic drama. My number one pet peeve is when someone has too many pet peeves. Category Four: Surveys I find it stupid when people take the tags off surveys, but survey makers who go as far as making a “hate list” for all those who do it are just assholes themselves. I think I may have a serious addiction to surveys… Oh well! If you’re going to insult me directly more than once while taking a survey I made, then don’t even bother taking my survey. In a way I’m a hypocrite for saying that, because if there’s no tag on the survey, then I will call the survey maker an idiot and whatnot, if I seriously feel they are and if I’m in that bad of a mood. (*rolls eyes*) I’d be a millionaire if I got paid to do this! Why do survey makers insist on having a certain number of comments and subscribers before they make another survey? This is for fun, it isn’t a business, and you aren’t making money off of it, so why are you being so anal about communication with your survey-takers? I don’t see the point in lying on surveys. Why take them if you aren’t going to tell the truth? Category Five: Things I Seriously Love Coffee, and caffeine in general. The show Pawn Stars. Feeling good about myself. Encouraging other people to stay positive and be strong. Tattoos and piercings. Anthropology, sociology, and psychology. Making and taking surveys. Dreadlocks. Rain and thunderstorms. Music, of course. Random, interesting facts. Category Six: Music I can play piano. I can play bass. I can sort of play guitar. I listen to music every day. I own at least three instruments. I still buy CDs. I really want to learn to play drums. I wouldn’t mind learning to play the violin as well. Practically everyone in my family can play some sort of instrument. I used to take dance lessons. Category Seven: Photography I own a FujiFilm camera. I take walks so I can take pictures. I have a folder on my computer of pictures I’ve taken. I love taking pictures of fireworks. I also love taking pictures of nature. One of my favorite settings on my camera is macro. I have a blink detector on my camera. My camera takes amazing, bright, vivid photos. I want to make a photo album of pictures that I’ve taken. I wouldn’t mind being a photographer. I don’t know what I would do without my (phone) camera.  Category Eight: Relationships & Friendships I have serious trouble keeping lasting friendships. But I have no trouble keeping a lasting romantic relationship. Those two don’t directly relate to each other - I don’t ditch my friends for my partner, ever. I have been in a relationship for almost two and a half years. It is my first relationship. I have only ever kissed one person. My partner and I have been in a band together. In my opinion, friends are for socializing, not relying on for rough times. I love going out with friends. I have been in a band with all my best friends before. I have been verbally and psychologically abused by friends before. I have punched one of my friends in the face.