#navigating identity

[howdoesone]

How does one start a club called "Kids of Donor 1234" without making it sound like a secret society?

In the age of modern reproductive technology, many children are born through sperm donation. As these children grow up and seek connection with others who share their unique origins, the idea of forming a club like “Kids of Donor 1234” can be both appealing and daunting. The challenge lies in creating a group that fosters a sense of community and support without it feeling exclusive or…

[lorebird]

In which Ford struggles so badly to relate to other people that he wonders if he’s really human at all. The more isolated he becomes, the harder it is to reconcile with his own humanity.

[asha-mage]

I'm a come out and say it: the show has taken Faile's already pretty substantial transmasc vibes from the books and doubled down on them and I am incredibly delighted by this.

[boynextdoorcoverpoison]

myung jaehyun is absolutely, hands down, the best leader for boynextdoor.

I always stand by the leader of groups being the best leaders for their groups, but it’s definitely a role that they have to grow into and improve constantly on. just like any other position in the group. just like any other thing you do.

that said, until the fanmeeting, I didn’t quite have the words to truly express why I feel so strongly about jaehyun’s role as the boynextdoor leader—especially as I think to a lot of non-onedoor, it can seem a bit confusing or not apparent at first. which mostly comes from jaehyun sitting outside the norm for a leader (particularly in hybe bgs) at least in personality.

jaehyun is loud. that’s like… something well known about him. he’s talkative and playful and despite being shy, he’s definitely the kind of person to enter the room knowing no one and leave with at least 5 new friends. his approach to people is one that feels very open and bright.

for this reason, I do think many people might not first associate him with the leader role. with most groups, the most energetic member is probably not the first considered as “oh yeah that’s the leader”. jaehyun is all the playful and energy-filled that usually comes with the member who the leader needs to keep an eye on the most and eventually has a bunch of youtube compilation videos.

that said, these qualities are exactly why I think he makes such a great leader for boynextdoor. as mentioned in the fanmeeting day 2 ending ments, the members of bonedo are the type of people to put up a straight face and keep their struggles to themselves. as woonhak and they have expressed, an example being woonhak putting on a smile and performing, despite dealing with grief. they’re very much the people to not make their problems someone else’s and to maintain a collected image in front of others.

while I also think jaehyun does this, as most people who are leaders may tend to for the sake of their groups, he’s also very very very unapologetically himself. he feels so much. his tendency to cry being a prime example of that, though not the only. the point is that jaehyun is expressive and open and in this, jaehyun contrasts with his members.

as woonhak has stated before, jaehyun has expressed that it’s okay for him to cry, to need to take a break, to sit this one out. jaehyun in general approaches his members with a lot of care. but overall, the stand out is that I believe jaehyun navigates along the lines of… feelings are meant to be felt. he has no qualms with any emotion being felt the way it occurs to us. yes there are ways to handle them, but ultimately, the feeling—whatever it may be—is there to be felt and expressed.

this is also seen in how he interacts with his members. in his very tactile approach to express the love and care he has for the rest of bonedo. the pride he feels for them. whatever words I’m not able to formulate to describe the whole yeppi exchange between him and sungho in the 3rd comeback show special.

it’s also in his loudness and energy. it’s all about expression. he’s so much, but it only feels that way, in my opinion, because he’s overwhelmingly unafraid and unapologetic of being himself, in a way that the industry might otherwise discourage. he’s not against expressing how he feels and while it likely won’t be the most apparent until later in their careers, I do think he’s the type to speak his mind.

all that said, the point is that these qualities do exist in contrast to his members and thus… encourage them to do the same. maybe not to be speeding around all over the place, but rather to allow themselves the space and time to feel as they do. that they don’t have to keep it all inside to avoid making it other peoples problems. they’re a team, if nothing else. and it’s in jaehyun being so so so much himself, being exactly the person he is, not something specially crafted to fit a particular image, he encourages the other members to be the same.

jaehyun helps to curate a safe space within their group by exhibiting that there’s nothing wrong with being the person they are. to feel whatever they feel. to express when things are going good or bad or somewhere in between. to approach things as they come and take them in stride, even if it’s without prior planning. that if a leader is meant to push a group forward and help them grow, then jaehyun steps up to the plate in that art cannot be made without emotion and so to become better artists, to continue being artists, it’s so important to find the safe spaces of being able to express and feel everything as they should be felt.

this is why I think jaehyun has some of the strongest lyricism currently in the group. it’s why I think he was a powerful force coming into KOZ and bonedo, and sort of the missing piece. he feels so much and he allows himself to feel all of it. in turn, as the leader, it’s something he encourages in the members. it’s leading by example. jaehyun builds a safe space for them to express, by being open himself.

but beyond that, jaehyun being unapologetically himself becomes an unstoppable sort of barrier between the group and outside the group. while not as apparent now, I do think it’ll grow into him being a strong adovcate for each of the members and the group as a whole. the group matters to him. his members matter to him. jaehyun’s never going to act as if they don’t, so long as they do. as such, he’ll put them first. he’ll encourage them and their best interest. he provides space and works to create and maintain that space for them to express themselves and be themselves. it’s what makes jaehyun the best leader for bonedo now, and it’s what will allow him to continue to do so.

[ask-l4wyers]

Are we ever gonna see inverse mercury?

l5wyers??

[rad-hound]

Thinking abt ValenDanse again.

[kitty--bot]

mostly made this blog because im kinda struggling lol. being polykin is really hard for me to process and tips from others who have more wisdom would be really appreciated. its just kinda overwhelming for my little brain.

[chronicallyonlinediaries]

i think personality-wise im slightly more like Phil but feelings and life experience-wise im more like Dan

[howdoesone]

How does one ask their new friend if they also feel like a science experiment gone right?

In today’s rapidly advancing world of reproductive technology, the concept of children conceived through sperm donation is no longer rare. Yet, despite the growing number of kids who share this unique origin story, the conversation surrounding it remains sensitive and often awkward. One particularly tricky scenario is asking a new friend, who might also be a sperm donor child, if they too feel…

[diegusting]

Inktober: day 29 - Navigator

My sense of humour is absolute crap

[chernychnyi]

i usually like my dragon age love interests to contrast my characters somehow and yet the desire to romance emmrich as a fellow academic... would it be weird if he peer reviewed my papers before. would it be unprofessional

[mxanigel]

tagged by @arendaes, thank you~

5 things you might find in a mxanigel story:

relationship dynamics discussions

lots of dialogue (featuring banter whenever appropriate)

angst, angst, and more angst

self-doubt (am I projecting much)

characters finding safe harbor in each other

No-pressure tagging @nowandthane @dr-paine @perhapsrampancy @milesmentis @ardentgrace @vice-president-galade and anyone else interested in playing <3

[ask-l4wyers]

uhm.... .. guys. dont look now but b-tier costume Litigation Lawyer is about to come in with a jacket and a wig on.. .Be wary

uncanny

[altschmerzes]

hate when i see a post and i just Know it’s gonna majorly prevent me from writing anything for like. a solid week.

[deepspaceboytoy]

is there any hope for me at all if im a virgin at 23? if i tried hard enough i could probably lose it- i wipe my ass and know how to read, which puts me ahead of most men- but my gender dysphoria gives me such a massive disconnect from myself and my body that i dont think i know myself well enough to be a good partner to someone, either in a short-term sexual encounter or a long-term romantic relationship. and honestly, i just dont want to have sex as a man, but i lack the material conditions to transition, so im stuck. i feel like its a moral failing that im a virgin this late in my life, like no matter what my actual feelings or opinions are, im no better than the most terminally online neet. i dont know if i even actually want sex or if i just want to have it so i can feel equal to my peers. idk. im sorry for dumping this in your inbox but i like how mean you are and im kinda hoping that youre just gonna tell me to kill myself lol

Took me a while to compose the response I wanted for this but I want to start off by saying there’s no wrong or right age to have sex for the first time, especially for us lgbts. Shit’s hard both out there and inside our heads and it doesn’t help that there’s immense societal expectations to lose your v card young. I have friends who are several years older than me and still waiting or they don’t experience attraction or they just want to focus on shit other than their sex lives and no matter what your reason is for not having lost it, it’s perfectly fine. Under no circumstances should you take my dumb fuckin horndog ass any sort of barometer for where you are in regards to your relationship with gender. Honestly, I know it feels like it sucks that you haven’t had any sexual experiences but from the way you described your gender issues that may be for the best, I have a lot of friends who hadn’t reconciled their identity yet and rushed into sexual relationships because they felt they needed to or it was expected and it really hurt them or set them back, I think inside the struggles you’ve been having is a good awareness you may not be in the right space right now for sex.

Sex is a tough one because everyone’s relationship to it is vastly different. I talk a lot about casual relationships and short flings but it’s not a one size fits all either so don’t let the way I talk about it influence how you want to approach your sex life, now or in the future.

Lastly, I’m not gonna tell you to kill yourself because despite appearances I am a less caustically hostile rude asshole now than I have been on here, we could charitably call it personal growth. You’re in a rough place in your life, just like a lot of our community, and that’s both perfectly understandable and not at all a moral failing. Ultimately, if you’re looking for a guide on sex I’m a bad person to come to because I have what I think for most people would be a pretty unhealthy relationship with it. It works for me and when it doesn’t I seek out longer, more serious relationships, but each person is different. Focus on yourself and doing the things you need to do to become more comfortable with yourself first and you’ll find that it unlocks sexuality in a huge way. For me, that unlocking came in high school when I realized I really fit in well with the freewheeling casual stuff, but like I’m sure I’ve said in here before, it’s not a one size fits all. You’re doing fine

[mx-myth]

Personally as an aroace being in a queerplatonic relationship and/or a poly relationship sound really freeing to me. I feel like in a QPR there would be less pressure to be more amatonormative or present that way. The kind of "omg I totally thought you guys were dating" sort of relationship that just comes from the pure intimacy of willing to be comfortable around each other and to be intimate without necessarily having to involve kissing/sex/"real" intimacy (and the possible aro or ace solidarity). Meanwhile in a poly relationship I feel like at least for me there would be less pressure be "involved" to an extent. A whole other person (or people) would negate a lot of anxiety on my part enough not being enough (especially if one or more of them are alloromantic). And potentially that's someone who can provide romance or sex that I just can't.

Obviously these are still relationships that you consciously need to put work into maintain and have open lines of communication and discussions of boundaries, etcetera, just like any "normal" relationship but that's really the point here. I'm not allo (and I'm perfectly fine with being "abnormal" by most societal standards, but that's obviously not true for all of us) in any way, shape, or form, so why should I have to fit myself into a little allo box?