#never been a problem before

[ganondoodle]

ganondoodling ..

[yippee-optimistically]

mods r asleep post humanized 4x

finished catching up on tpot it was peakkkkkk but i am so scared of one. also working on little clay and felt dolls of 4 x and 2

[honeypleasejustkillme]

i’ve talked about this before but a bpd symptom i absolutely HATE is the lack of emotional permanence.

no matter how many loving people i have in my life, the second they are gone it's like i was never loved and that it's all in my imagination but as soon as they come back, it's like i've never been sad

[mewtwo24]

I finally finished reading the fourth volume of svsss in full, and thing is--the first time through I only read the bingqiu content because I was ravenous for more of their happy ending.

Turns out that was a perilous mistake.

Because I started reading the airplane extras. And I swear to god. MXTX is trying to kill me

What do you MEAN demon lord Binghe was sitting on his big fucking throne. All stoic and forbidding. Surrounded by his demon generals who don't know shit about human courtship. Asking them what he should do, fully demoralized by constant rejections from sqq, only to have airplane tell him to act more pathetic and needy. Which is already hysterically funny and insane, UNTIL LBH'S RESPONSE IS THIS, KILLING ME INSTANTLY:

LUO BINGHE. WHY DOES HE SAY IT LIKE: "I already tried that, didn't work--nothing works :/ not mean, not maidenly, not housewife, not spicy, not capable disciple. Is doubling down on clingy really all it will take? What's a born hater with only one love in his life to do????"

The dichotomy of him sitting there like 'how can I reach the unfathomable depths of shizun's heart?' A HEART HE'S ALREADY WON OVER, MIND and then in the Holy Mausoleum solving the puzzle without blinking and being like 'oh yeah you just have to hit the acupoints, no sweat.' Literally the comedy writes itself I'm so--

How am I supposed to be normal about this. MXTX understands the juicy quintessential queer joy of a person with the world's power at their fingertips wishing only for love. Willing to do anything to earn that love, when unbeknownst to them it's already been freely given. Totally not screaming and yelling and clawing at the walls

And that's not even touching airplane's uproarious account of events. The way he's like 'lol what's next, lbh and sqq are best friends now? smfh' only to see lbh TACKLE SQQ LOVINGLY. FOR SQQ TO BE BASHFUL ABOUT IT BUT SO SO FOND OF THE LITTLE SCAMP. This when we've been experiencing sqq's constant inner monologue of 'I'm so cool and so dignified about my role, truly the epitome of propriety and poser-level fortitude.' Meanwhile, in their universe:

Airplane constantly flaming???? Sqq and lbh in his observations????? His absolute bewilderment and confusion????? Legendary. No notes every single second of this shit was hilarious.

Airplane's comment that sqq + older adolescent lbh traveling together was just watching a couple in their honeymoon phase. OR the fact that lbh is exceedingly petty and refuses to share their food in the wake of airplane's interruption of their time together, until sqq relents sheepishly and insists airplane eat what's left (ONLY AFTER PLACATING LBH WITH MORE FOOD FROM HIS PLATE, SOBBING)

Watching airplane salivate over Mobei-Jun and acting like that's totally normal behavior. Finding out mbj and airplane got together first. Finding out sqq encouraged airplane. LIKE THIS. WHILE HE IS STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT HIS OWN FEELINGS:

Mobei-jun clearly thinking their arrangement is a forever thing, heartbroken his human abandoned him with all the hapless fury of a scorned wife swept away by false promises of fidelity. Airplane writing demons to be the type to beat up their crush lovingly and still unable to connect the dots about mbj's feelings. Mbj letting him go and respecting his wishes, only relenting when there's indication airplane was poorly processing his own feelings and didn't actually want to leave. Mbj caring for him and listening to him as soon as airplane voices what he needs directly and with clarity. None of these gays are functional and it's everything to me

Unrelated, but I physically can't hold this information in anymore:

I'm still reeling from younger lbh having his sexual awakening from the image of sqq wrapped in the immortal binding cables. Condemn me as you like he was so, so real for that.

And no I will not be taking any comments about how luo bingge couldn't bear to see luo binghe cherished in ways he never got to have and all the haunting implications of that. I will also not be taking any comments about luo binghe's instinct to look for sqq in that alternate universe, only to be shaken to the very core to be unable to find his shizun anywhere. The unspeakable and latent horror of his relentless mind likely piecing together what happened, but unable to say it; to suspect what is true, and live with the harrowing confusion of his double's actions. To blame himself, to assume that he had let his anger get the better of him in that world and result in unspeakable folly...

I also refuse to talk about how heartrending it is to hear Tianlang-jun weakly say "In the end, I really can't bring myself to hate humans." The implication that the foolishness of that hope and bright-eyed fondness--the very thing that put him through such unspeakable agony--couldn't be beaten out of him entirely. To discover that his faith in Su Xiyan hadn't been misplaced, to the contrary: his beloved hadn't scorned him at all, but rather fought to the miserable end to protect the fruition of their genuine feelings of love when she couldn't protect tlj or herself.

How MXTX has sqq deliberately draw parallels between their situation and that of ygy+sj and tlj+sx; desperately wishing it might not be too late for them. The concept of breaking cycles of abuse and harm pervasive throughout the newly devised story, how it evolves for the better only when love takes the place of power, pride, and domination. How the moment sqq chooses vulnerability instead of saving face, the genre shifts to the so-called "cringe" girly genre where most if not every character is more fulfilled, more true to themselves. How the "male-oriented" former genre was aimlessly sensationalized and sexualized, how it was a sustained performance of aspirational toxic masculinity. How men objectify other men without end. All of the unspoken gendered implications that come with that.

Anyways. Going to go put my head in a sandbox and try to process everything I just witnessed because even a second reading is not enough to find a modicum of closure.

[freetobeafcknriot]

the more I think about it the more I don't get how the hargreeves siblings were the problem like sure, s2 and s3 were on them but it was cause-effect to the very first apocalypse in 2019 and literally none of that would have happened if reginald had been just a tiny bit less of a shitty father to begin with. i get that the 43 children were anomalies but how was it on them for just existing ?

[roseworth]

grabs you by the shoulders and screams alex's death WAS misogynistic!!!! comparing it to uncle ben's death doesnt change that!!!!!!! the intention was for it to be an uncle ben death but the execution of it made it misogynistic because it was cruel and unnecessary!!!!!!!!!!

[chinzhilla]

@asiandramanet jan/feb creator bingo » blending

[the-bensolos]

Don’t even talk to me about this Frenchie and Kimiko development.

[anaer]

and for my next fic

the meet-cute:

sukuna, actual serial killer: wow that guy is being annoying, someone should just kill him; that would shut him up gojo: haha yeah but don't say that too loud people don't like you when they know you murder people sukuna: 👀👀

the fifth date:

sukuna: so as a fellow serial killer-- gojo: what sukuna: what do you mean what gojo: what do you mean fellow serial killer; i'm not a serial killer, don't lump me in with you sukuna: what. wait did you already know i'm a serial killer gojo: obviously, but why would you think i'm a serial killer??? sukuna: have you listened to anything you say??????

it's not gojo's fault he gives off serial killer vibes

[mikeystrawberry]

can they not talk about piss so much on this show?

[waterfallofspace]

Anyone else not able to say 'bless you', either because it feels too personal, embarrassing, slightly erotic or a mixture of all of the above-

Buuuuuut also whenever an event interrupts the conversation, you feel so much more awkward not saying anything/commenting on it at all, and so you wish you could just... say that phrase, or have some other thing that makes sense to say to just- shrug it off???

[ovaruling]

maybe a hot take but please don’t have or stop having children if you have an active eating disorder/body dysmorphia (including binge eating, not just restrictive disorders). seriously

thinking you’ll be the exception (because you’re So self-aware, unlike those Other disordered women) and won’t give your dysmorphia/eating disorder to your child is pride before a very slow and terrible fall

it never ever works. you’re never ever immune. i mean, such a huge reason of why there are so many of us now is bc our moms thought the same thing lmfao. didn’t matter how well-intentioned they were. no matter how much they tried to separate Their Problems from Ours. here we fucking are

i know it’s not women’s fault to begin with, but the reality is that those of us affected do incubate, nurture, and pass on the virus in the Current Way of Things

the buck needs to stop here. this isn’t a game. think of all the things your mother probably thought she was expertly hiding from you that you still picked up on and were profoundly affected by in a terrible and formative way. it will happen to you, too. don’t think it won’t.

if you know that you’re not solidly and confidently recovered, you have a responsibility to stop that buck and not actively attempt to create a child who will observe, mimic, internalize, adopt, and inherit your lifelong life-ruining behavior. the selfishness is breathtaking honestly

[pyrosomatic-metamorphosis]

shoots her with creature beam !!! i think qmouse can shapeshift so actually i can draw her however but i thought it would be fun to give her some extra demon features

[paldogangsaan]

source

the ending of the umbrella academy is frustrating on several levels but primarily bc it feels like the the showrunner was watching an entirely different show than the rest of us and this quote proves it. more under the cut bc the post is a bit long

the show wasn't about them being superheroes, it's literally a metaphor for childhood trauma and how it manifests in adulthood. reginald treated the umbrellas like weapons, never even gave them NAMES, and now they struggle to live as people with their own autonomy. the point was never that they were superheroes, that's quite literally the LEAST important part of the show! all their superheroes days are from when they were children!! the show focuses on the fallout of that!!! it's about how the umbrellas don't have coping mechanisms for what happened in their childhood and they keep ending the world because of their inability to work through their trauma. we've seen time and time again that they're borderline incapable of empathizing with each other, and they blame each other for coping 'wrong' and having different traumas despite having the same parent. and somehow the show ended with them being the problem bc they're inherently evil and their births are wrong rather than, you know, the person that abused them in the first place being the problem

like ?? reginald literally and metaphorically created the umbrellas. he released the marigold, he bought them from their birth parents, he raised them into his weapons. the way he treated them in their childhood/developmental years shaped them into who they are, and the world keeps ending because they blame each other rather than the real villain: the abuser. ending the show with them realizing this, thus breaking the cycle, and killing/erasing their abuser so he can't hurt them or anyone else makes much more sense thematically. if they erase him and he never releases the marigold, they still lose their powers and they technically never exist bc he doesn't create them. those versions of them we've seen for the past 3 seasons don't exist anymore bc they were never traumatized and raised to be soldiers by reginald. ending the show with the timeline restored and the umbrellas living different lives (bc they weren't only born from the marigold, they were also born from their mothers) would've still been the tragedy blackman wants. they're not siblings, they don't have powers, they're not superheroes, everything we saw them go through for 3 seasons technically doesn't matter bc it didn't happen to these versions of them, and they don't exist as famous public figures that'll be remembered for something grand. they're just regular people. this ending works because, again, they're not inherently evil. they don't need to atone for the crime of being born. the problem isn't that their very existence is wrong. the problem is that an egotistical fuckface decided to use them as accesories (he literally BOUGHT THEM from their parents) for his own gain and gave them the tools (powers and/or trauma) to cause harm. if reginald was, like, normal and not a piece of shit, he wouldn't have chosen to raise a bunch of children into weapons, traumatize them, and then release them into the world after years of denying them autonomy and barely even treating them as people and think hm this is fine. and by how the first season's flashbacks played out, it seemed like he never even planned to let them leave the academy, meaning he literally saw them as little soldiers that only existed for him. point is, if reginald hadn't intervened with their lives, if he had never existed, the world wouldn't have ended.

the ending message of the show as of right now doesn't come off as 'are u a superhero if no one knows you exist 🤓☝️' it comes off as 'you were born wrong. your birth destroyed everything and the world would be a safer place if you (the abused child raised to be a weapon by your fucking asshole of a parent) had never existed'. and what kind of a message is that.

[vinelark]

tim rejecting kon as robin because he believes kon already rejected tim and so would be disappointed once he finds out....this is the worst ending yet...i love it....

(this scenario) listen, tim is so smart and strategic and logical and also (especially post-breakup/misunderstanding) would plan for every single outcome except the one where he is actually wanted

[7116811219]

so i am in the hospital,,,,