#never had a job in my life. has never experienced a life outside of academics. queer. genderqueer. i haven't seen my friends since last may

[quitedisastrous]

life was so much easier three days ago when i was detaching myself from reality and spending all of my free time shiny hunting

[bbanghiitomi]

| upside down

synopsis: kim minji who has lived in the same dorm for almost 3 years suddenly receives a surprising new roommate, this one — she knows will forever change her life.

— non!idol!kminji × non!idol!ill!femreader

(⁠｡⁠•́⁠︿⁠•̀⁠｡⁠)(⁠｡⁠•́⁠︿⁠•̀⁠｡⁠)(⁠｡⁠•́⁠︿⁠•̀⁠｡⁠)(⁠｡⁠•́⁠︿⁠•̀⁠｡⁠)(⁠｡⁠•́⁠︿

"teacher? why are you here?" minji asks as she watches the familiar old woman in front of her doorsteps, carrying a large bag with a small smile. it hasn't been long since she saw this old woman inside her dorm she always manages to pay her visits and ask her about her well-being every now and then. ms. hwang is a teacher for the handicapped, she lives in the same building and takes care of students who are disabled — she herself is also disabled, yet she finds it in her to help other students surpass what they think is impossible.

minji isn't one of them, but she knows a few — ms. hwang have basically lived her life helping students in need, minji has witnessed it a couple of times and is proud of the old woman, often trying to offer her dinner sometimes when she comes home late at night and sometimes helping her pack up things or carry heavy stuff to another building or room.

as for minji, she's been living in the same building for almost three years, she's had different roommates who have left not for too long — she experienced the worst and the best, this place is basically her second home. her last roommate was a girl named pham hanni, she has left after choosing a different university but they are still contacting each other and will often visit each other's place. hanni was technically her best friend, this is coming from minji who has never really had that much friends growing up, she's good at socializing but the problem always lies with her lack of connection with people; often ending up with her completely losing contact with another person.

"minji! i have some good news." ms. hwang enters inside as she mumbles a small excuse, minji gives the older woman some space and closes the door as the old woman walks her way to the now empty room.

"is this about the roommate i was asking about?" minji has been living alone for 2 months, that meant she had to pay the whole dorm without sharing it with anyone and it's been hard for her wallet. minji walks around and watches as the teacher starts cleaning the room and fixing the bed.

"yes, she's gonna move in here tomorrow. you told me to assist the papers, right? and so i did, everything's already fixed and by tomorrow we'll wait for her. okay?" minji widens her eyes and then nods, standing on the door frame of the room, she leans and crosses her arms as she takes a deep breath. "that was really fast, i appreciate it ms. hwang, this is like my first time inquiring you about a roommate." minji chuckles to herself, it's true — all the time she spend living in this building, whenever she'll look for roommates, she's always the one discussing it with the person, she's also the one accomplishing the paperworks.

just this time... it's been a busy term for minji, she's always out at the university campus working on her labworks, she's also busy with helping students with their academic papers, it has become her part time job and it pays quite well — enough to suffice her needs and as well her wants.

"it's alright minji, you're always working hard and diligently, i'm pretty sure your advisory appreciates your presence and your advice. let me take care of this for you even just for once." ms. hwang says as she finishes fixing the bed, she walks around to start cleaning up the table and minji walks outside to the corridor, then walking straight to the living room slash kitchen.

she stands in the middle, minji even as she's standing in the middle of a cramped room — it still feels as if it was empty, there's a light above her, she's getting taller and taller; next thing she knows her head will eventually reach the ceiling. minji has always felt so lonely, even before she was in this dorm — there's always an empty space lingering in her mind, she could be in a sea of crowd but eventually she'll feel lonely, stranded.

the lack of communication with her family fuels this feeling inside of her too, she doesn't even remember the last time she's had a conversation with her father — and although she wants to, it's hard for her.

tomorrow, she'll welcome the new addition to her collection of roommates — guessing by the fact that ms. hwang is the one working on the requirements, minji can already tell that her new roommate isn't the same as the last ones, a person with disability — it's not a bad thing but it's new...

"minji... tomorrow, make sure to welcome her very warmly. i promise that she won't be a problem to you, i just hope you also take good care of her and give her your full support." minji watches as ms. hwang walks past her, her round eyes follow the elderly woman who walks to the door of her dorm, carrying the her things. minji opens her mouth but then closes it again, before nodding with a small smile.

"alright, i got this ms. hwang. don't worry about it."

the next day, minji comes home to see that the living room is occupied with ms. hwang and a man in his mid-40's, they were conversing as they sit on the couch. minji silently enters inside, carrying her backpack and a few papers in her hands. as she was walking past the living room, ms. hwang may have been able to feel her presence and that's when the old man looked at her too.

"oh my minji, you're finally home!" ms. hwang greets her, minji nods and smiles sheepishly.

"hi ms. hwang, good evening mister." minji bows at the pair.

the man acknowledges her presence and gives her a small nod with a smile. "good evening too ms. kim, it's nice to meet you." he says, minji looks at ms. hwang who signals her to sit down to which minji did.

"yes, nice to meet you too sir. i hope you feel comfortable here." minji says as she takes a seat and places her belongings on the small coffee table in the middle.

"it's mr. jang, i'm happy my daughter is staying at this place. it's not the biggest but it's clean and safe, the closest to the university she's studying at and the hospital. my daughter also likes it here." minji can't help but smile at the words from the man, she nods in agreement and clasps her hands together before speaking once again.

"i'm glad you feel that way, i'll make sure to keep this place the same and i'll be very responsible." minji tells the man, receiving a satisfied look from ms. hwang. "you know sir, minji is a very responsible student, she takes her job and studying seriously and keeps a good look on the dorm. i'm pretty sure she'll be very helpful with your daughter's stay here." ms. hwang says, minji looks at the woman and then to her feet, staring to grow curious about the new roommate she'll be sharing the place with.

"i'm happy to know that." mr. jang glances at his wristwatch and stands up. "y/n's sister is looking for me now, we have to go and take care of y/n's medications and for now, i'll be trusting the two of you. take care of my daughter." he says as he lives and walks out of the dorm, minji stares at thin air as she starts to think about what this man truly feels.

it's the fact he seemed nonchalant about this whole exchange, how there's no sign of sadness lingering in his voice, but it's very obvious he is in deep fatigue — the bags under his eyes, the wrinkles and the whites of his hair — he's strong, it's clear to minji how much this man cares for his daughter and how he's willing to do anything to help her.

"minji, i'll be taking my leave now. y/n already ate dinner and is staying in her room. for now, you can go ahead and take a rest. i'll come back tomorrow." ms. hwang leaves and all minji could do pull her lips into a thin line, sitting alone on the couch as emptiness starts to crawl around her.

as soon as the clock strikes 9am, "teacher!" minji opens her door to see ms. hwang coming inside the dorm, carrying her bag as she walks inside the now occupied room, it seems like y/n was calling out for her through this small telephone connected to ms. hwang's room.

"hi ms. hwang." minji greets the older woman, the older woman smiles back at her. "hi minji, i need to go inside y/n's room, it's time for her weekly exercise." she whispers before entering inside the room and closing it immediately. minji stands in the middle of the corridor, pursing her lips as she slowly nods, turning around to look at the room next to hers.

minji blinks a few times before walking to the kitchen to grab the box of cereal and notices the newly bought foods on the shelves, it's now cramped — back when she was living alone, the shelves barely had any food inside.

minji held the box of cereal in her hand and grabbed the carton of milk inside the refrigerator which is now also filled with newly bought food, dumbfounded but not unbeknownst to her, she grabbed the carton of milk and prepped her meal.

as minji's eating, the door opens and minji turns around to see ms. hwang.

"minji! can you grab the telephone and dial the number on the sticky note hanging on the corkboard?" minji stands up, her mouth filled with cereal and grabs the telephone to dial the number.

"dr. shim — y/n's weekly morning exercise: ×××-××××-×××."

minji swallows her food and looks at ms. hwang. "what do i say?" she mouths, and as her sight focuses behind ms. hwang inside your room, she spots you, sitting up on your bed as you hold your phone up.

minji feels her heart stop at the new discovery.

"tell her y/n's ready for her therapy."

minji shakes her head and nods.

the door is closed again, minji is wearing her complete outfit on her way to the university, she's still thinking about you though.

your hair, your eyes, the only things she was able to see clearly from your side view and past your door that's been restricting her from reaching out to you.

minji realizes she's got no business to peep on your situation so she takes her leave for the day and hopes her curiosity slowly dies so you can have your peace.

minji is at an empty university computer lab, her laptop sitting on the table as she taps her pen on the wooden table, looking for any corrections at the research paper her advisory have just submitted her.

"hey, you should stop trying to avoid repeating the words 'soil moisture' you need to be consistent with your terms, it's very confusing if you use different words pertaining to the same idea. it's alright to repeat those words, unless you're explaining." minji talks as she's currently in a call with her advisory, scrolling at her laptop looking for more mistakes.

"the variables are okay, i suggest you should inquire at the building of forestry and technology to add another test on your variables; how about test the accuracy of your sensor? or the level of moisture?" she adds, clicking through the pages of the paper. minji sighs before closing the file.

"i think that's all, you can ask me more questions once you revise those parts. for now, i think you should really focus on your robot — don't worry too much about the paper, you'll get it right." minji shrugs, looking out the window.

"thanks ms. kim." the student says, the call ends and minji thinks about you once again, wondering what you are probably doing right now.

minji groans and starts to feel frustrated because of her lingering curiosity about you, it doesn't help that she was able to get a peek of your face earlier, fueling her desire to be able to get close to you once again.

when minji arrives home, she sees your sister — wonyoung, exiting your room and having a small conversation with ms. hwang before leaving without saying a word to minji, minji stands near the door with a dumbfounded look on her face.

"y/n's older sister paid her a visit, isn't she so nice? she seems worried about her sister and wants to take care of her but y/n refused saying she had other things to take care of besides her." minji nods as ms. hwang gives her the details of today's anecdotes, after ms. hwang left minji continues to think about what you're doing inside your room.

are you sad?

lonely?

tired?

are you happy?

maybe you're frustrated...

what if you suddenly need help?

minji took note that she can actually hear you whenever you call for ms. hwang, she hears your voice but only when you call for teacher.

she's never heard you say anything other than that before and is becoming more curious as time goes by, week after week, until your first month of stay inside the dorm has passed minji have been used to always seeing ms. hwang more than once a week, it became a daily thing. minji will leave earlier before you even eat breakfast, she'll also come home late after you ate dinner.

"minji, i'm not here tonight and can't help y/n eat her dinner. i haven't told her about it but i'm leaving this job for you just for tonight don't worry." ms. hwang says as she gives minji a piece of paper, minji stands with the paper in her hand — looking at it then back to ms. hwang. "uhm, it's alright. your timing is perfect i'll come home early in the afternoon." minji states, taking small deep breaths, trying to compose herself.

there's some kind of rush inside of her, she doesn't understand what that might be.

"oh my god thank you so much minji, that's the instructions of how to bring y/n here at the dining table. there's the equipment for her chair, just make sure she doesn't get hurt or fall over." ms. hwang reminds minji who nods and gives her a reassuring smile. "don't worry ms. hwang, i'll take care of her. i promise i'll be gentle."

that night minji takes her earbuds off trying to scope any sound from your room, then she hears your voice again.

"teacher!" you shout.

minji stands up and walks toward the door of your room, reaching out a shaky hand to the metal doorknob and feeling its cold surface tingle her palm, she twists it and pushes the door open.

you lay on your bed, taking deep breaths. minji's eyes scans the posters on the wall, pictures of you and your sisters, your family and friends. you weren't knowledgeable about minji's presence and the girl was practically shaking.

"h— hey..." minji calls out, you turn your head meekly and see her face, your eyes squint before you blink and look away. "where's ms. hwang?" you ask minji, minji sighs and scratches her nape.

"there was an emergency and she was needed, she ordered me to help you eat dinner." minji says standing beside your bed, you sigh with a smile. "okay." you mutter.

you grew up almost like every other child — "almost" as you were unbeknownst to the growing illness inside of your body, as you grow old your muscles began to weaken, almost to the point that even walking began to be hard until your legs have completely given up.

it didn't help that your case was almost rare, every medication is double the price of a normal surgery, your therapy costs hundreds of thousands per session and even if your family could afford it you still can't help but feel bad because ever since you start to lose your ability to walk, all they can think about was your situation.

it's frustrating but you continue to keep moving forward, still holding up a positive outlook and view of the world, managing to smile because no matter how hard it gets, how painful it becomes you still have your family behind your back, always thankful you get to still see them.

it's so hard... even just raising your hands already feels like you're carrying 10 pounds of iron, your muscles have grown so weak that you're stuck having to lay on your bed all day, sit with a harness around you.

it feels like you're slowly rotting, that time where your parents wanted to have you stop studying and focus on your well-being, you feel like you've given up that's why you refused and persuaded them to take you to the dorm because you wanted to keep learning, sometimes even tutoring high school students from time to time.

"am i heavy?" you ask minji, she wanted to say yes because you're lower body and almost most of your upper body lack any movement to support your weight but minji shakes her head.

"it's alright, just enough." you usually don't get carried by ms. hwang, instead she pushes the wheelchair close to your bed and helps you move to sit on it.

but minji with her strength carries you to the wheelchair with ease, immediately putting your harness around you. as she crouches down, locking your wheelchair, you stare at her face — realizing this was your first time seeing her face up close, she's indeed beautiful.

you've heard lots of good things about her from ms. hwang, even from your father when they first met — you wouldn't deny the fact that you didn't care about minji when you first came here but seeing how nice and caring she actually is, you feel drawn to her.

"thanks." you mutter, minji feels her face flushing red and she nods. "no problem." she pushes you outside to the dining table where the dinner is already served.

minji didn't hesitate to offer you other foods, like ms. hwang does, you appreciate her sheer kindness and thoughtfulness and can see her genuineness from her eyes.

"i hope you come here inside my room again tomorrow." you tell minji as she sets you on your bed, not even caring about how heavy you were on her arms. her hands were big and rough but gentle, her black hair soft against your skin, and her eyes shines in front of yours.

you smile at her causing her to look away. "i'll try." minji whispers before leaving your room.

"teacher! my medications please!" as the door to your room opens, ms. hwang enters inside and you spot minji standing outside before the door closes and she turns away. you smile at the sight before having a conversation with ms. hwang as you take your shots.

"was everything okay yesterday?" ms. hwang asks, you look at her with a smile and an answer. "perfectly fine, minji was very gentle with me." ms. hwang sighs in relief to your answer.

minji is free once again, but she takes this time to sit on the sofa and watch tv. you're still inside your room, minji promised to try and visit you but she's not even coming inside, so you take it upon yourself to see her.

"ms. hwang, can i watch tv in the living room?" you ask her, ms. hwang nods and immediately helps you get to your wheelchair. minji turns her head to see you and ms. hwang coming out of your room, you smile at her. minji stands up as she notices ms. hwang getting your body to the couch and help to carry you, you had a hard time but you still try to wrap your arms around her neck.

"thanks minji." you whisper at her.

"minji, she wants to watch a show on the tv. kindly accompany her as i leave." ms. hwang tells minji before leaving, there's an awkward silence between the two of you, nothing but the sound of the tv keeping the surroundings alive.

and maybe minji's heartbeat too.

"u-uhm, what did you want to watch again?" minji turns to you as she speaks, holding the remote in her hand. you laugh and shake your head. "nothing in particular, whatever you like." you shrug, minji looks at the remote and goes back to the tv.

a baseball match is playing and minji's starting to lose her focus.

"you like baseball?" you ask, minji's ear tips are bright red and burning hot.

"a bit." she answers.

you smile fondly. "i only said that because i wanted to see you again." you admit.

minji looks at you with wide eyes. "what..?" she mutters.

"you promised me you'll try to visit my room but you didn't." you pout. minji laughs sheepishly. "i just didn't want to bother you while you were studying." she sits properly on the couch and looks away, clearing her throat.

your eyes soften at the sight of her face. "you won't."

minji looks at you again, feeling her heart stop every second that passes by your eyes looking at hers.

months have passed, minji starts to realize her feelings she harbors for you, each time that passes by her yearning grows deeper and her feelings start to overflow that it starts to scare her. minji doesn't understand what to do, every breath she breathes inside your room feels suffocating, her heart clenching whenever she remembers how hurt you are — she feels bad.

so bad that every night she spends alone in her room is filled with endless thoughts about your well-being, she wants to get you out of the pain you're suffering, she wants to save you but she doesn't know how. whenever she sees your pained expression is another knife on her chest, a stinging feeling close to a thorn stuck on her heart lingers — these feelings of both love and pain are too much.

from wanting to see you, minji grows her feelings until it gets hard to see your state.

she realized the severity of your illness, how there's a possibility that there might not be any cure for it.

that empty feeling inside her became occupied by your presence but it's cramped now, and her heart feels like it's about to burst.

she thinks about the words you said. "i can't fall in love when i'm like this." she wants to pull you in a tight hug, but she knows how tight it would be — it's probably harder for you than it is for her.

she's selfish, minji knows that.

she wants to think of you but it hurts.

minji remembers that night, she spent it with you, you kept asking her questions and she didn't hesitate to answer — you found out it's been long since minji was in a relationship and you've never been in one, because of your situation, relationships have been the last of your worries. although minji starts to change your mind, you couldn't help but feel like it's not right.

it's painful.

"it hurts! my legs..." you cry out as tears start to roll down your face, you can't move anything — your muscles are hurting so much, a hand pats your head and you look up to see your sister. "it's okay..." she lulls you but it's not working.

minji stands outside of your room, your door shut again but she can hear your cries, you pleading for anything to stop the pain from getting worse.

minji sobs, feeling her heart clenching tight, she breathes heavily, hand on her chest as she tries to stop it from hurting.

"oh no." minji mutters before teardrops start to fall on the floor, her head hanging low and the world felt too big for her to hold.

it's almost like she's also carrying the weight of your pain on her shoulders.

she's about to fall.

and it's going to hurt.

"i can't do this." minji mutters, splashing water on her face, the water drips down her chin, the sound of the faucet echoes on the walls of the restroom and hanni can't help but feel bad for her friend.

"you're making things hard for yourself, why are you running away like this?" hanni asks her friend, looking at the distressed girl leaning on the sink. minji peeks at her friend through the mirror and then looks away.

"i'm not running away. i'm just — avoiding my feelings, hanni we can't be together." minji's tone is harsh.

"why is that? it's literally exactly the same? you're making her whole point correct!" hanni argues, minji grits her teeth and closes her eyes before pushing herself up. "i don't think she wants me the way i do with her." minji mutters.

"if you're going to turn away from her just because of her situation then you might as well leave — that's literally what she's trying to say, no one stays for her because of what she's going through." hanni rolls her eyes, throwing her hands up.

minji walks in circles, a hand on her forehead. "i don't want her to push me away, i also don't want her to leave me. but what am i supposed to do, she thinks so low of herself and i — i love her."

hanni looks at her friend and sighs.

"minji you have to be honest with her."

lately, you've been more quiet — isolated.

minji opens the door to your room and you bring the book in your hands down.

"minji..." you mutter.

minji smiles softly before closing the door gently, she stands there trying to compose herself properly before speaking.

"does your body still hurt?" she asks, walking towards your bed. "do you have energy to talk or should i just watch over you?" she asks again.

you appreciate her kindness.

"i want to hear you talk." you tell her with a smile. minji nods and sits at a chair next to you. "i've been thinking about a lot of stuff lately, mainly about my worries for your health and college, then my advisory. i've been wanting to tackle something important and i need to hear your thoughts." minji starts, she clasps her hands together and bring it close to her lips, thinking of what to say next.

"what is it?" you ask, growing nervous.

minji sighs. "uhm, i understand and i'm completely knowledgeable about your situation. i know it's painful and it's hard, you can always tell me about it, i'll take care of you anytime you need me." minji pauses, bringing her hands to your bed. "lately, i've been really worried about you. you're so brave and strong, but when you cried i... i didn't know what to do. i've also been under a lot of stress, so it's all mixed up inside of my head but i always think about what you've told me and of course you... it helps me a lot." she continues.

you nod at her, you take a deep breath and try to bring your hand to her even if it's taking you all your energy to lift your hand, minji reaches for it and brings it down, but still holding your hand.

"y/n... i know this sounds extremely stupid but i've been meaning to say this for a long time." minji scoots closer and brings your hand to her face. "i love you, so much." she hides her face with your hand and hers. "ah, i know. i know. there's no right time for this except now, i think. i'm scared you'll leave and i won't be able to be honest about what i feel but... i hope you don't — please don't push me away." minji's hands are trembling, she's not looking up but you can see the way her lips were quivering.

you give her an apologetic look.

"i understand, you know minji you've always been so kind to me and i'm thankful i was with you the whole time. you make me feel alive, you make me feel like someone i haven't been able to be for a long time." you look down at her, eyes watching minji's hands caressed yours.

"i love you too but we can't be together. you need to find someone else who's a better fit for you. i can't love you like this." you finish before sighing.

minji grips your hand tighter.

"no, it's not like that." minji shakes her head.

"you don't get it. i love you more than that, and i'm willing to stay here no matter how long and i promise to take care of you." minji turns her head to you and you see the tears on her eyes.

you look at her but with no expression.

"i feel bad for you minji." you trail.

"why'd you have to fall for someone pathetic?"

minji stares at you and just for a bit, your eyes look empty, like that space inside of her.

"...what?" minji mutters.

"you know what i mean..." you turn your head from her, eyes darting somewhere that's not minji's presence. minji is still holding your hand and she stands up from the bed and leans closer to you. "y/n, i know but i'm being honest and you shouldn't say that about yourself—" you cut her off with a sigh, minji looks away and lets your hand go.

she takes a few steps back, fixing her clothes. "can you call ms. hwang for my medication? maybe we shouldn't talk about this for now, i don't feel good..." you tell minji and she immediately nods and leaves your room, but that was your only excuse to escape from the pressure inside your chest about to have your heart imploding.

"hope the sun isn't too hot." you hear minji speak as she pushes your wheelchair, you agreed for minji to take you to the nearest park to get you to bathe under the sunlight — it's been a while since you last felt the feeling of the sun on your skin. you hate how kind minji is, she's still really ready to do whatever for you and it doesn't matter how much you push her away.

maybe you don't understand her at all, the things she'll do for you even if you don't ask her.

you hum. "it's perfect."

your eyes scan around the area, there are not many people around but still you can feel the energy around the place, kids and their parents and stalls and pets. you relax under the sun, you tell yourself you're going to be alright.

"i wish we were always like this — " you speak, minji looks down at you and smiles, though she's still bothered by the feelings lingering inside of her, mind and heart — she's trying to stay quiet, for your sake and as well as hers, maybe it truly was for the better.

"and just like this." minji knows exactly what you mean, nodding her head and letting out a deep breath. "yeah, it's — you're right." minji answers.

but it eventually gets hard, you wish you could do something about this stupid illness, you laugh to yourself, even having a hard time turning your head. minji looks ahead and notices the sun getting too hot, she reaches for your shoulder and caresses it gently.

"let's go back." minji whispers.

you feel bad, for yourself and minji — you weren't lying at all when you told her about what you felt.

you love minji but it's hard, you don't want her to feel like she's stuck at the same place and at the same time doing the same thing, breathing and living for someone else and not for herself. you hate the idea of her leaving but you also don't want her to be hurting for you, it's so hard — so complicated.

because you know how tiring it would be, you saw it with your family you know it won't be different with minji — she has a life ahead of her, so much to do and so much to live for, why would she settle here with you?

you're just going to hold her back.

"i'm so sorry minji." you mutter, as minji was taking your harness off — minji looks up and smiles at you, it breaks her heart to see her trying her best and you know it hurts her too to see you this way.

"it's okay, you're going to be okay." minji says as she carries you and lays you down your bed.

you're still living with her, in the same cramped space, breathing the same air and feeling the same way.

but this time untold secrets stack themselves on top of each other and it grows each time you decide to close your lips again instead of saying anything.

everything has changed, upside down.

[aziraphales-library]

ello ello ello!

i am looking for fics where, human or not, crowley and azi grow up being together being friends and turns to lovers ! thank you for your blessed job <3

Hi! We have #childhood friends and #friends to lovers tags, so check those out. Here are some to add to the collections...

Stronger Than Hurt by TawnyOwl95 (E)

Everything changed the summer that Crowley fell off the Eastgate's garage roof and broke his arm. Fourteen years later he stood outside a tattoo shop with a picture of the drawing Aziraphale Eastgate had done on his cast, and hoped for a second chance.

Christmas light by Tigerphoenix (T)

After years of neither hearing form his father nor sibling Crowley is convinced to return to his childhood home. He knew from the start it wasn’t a good idea, but he did it anyway. Maybe something good comes out of it. Aziraphale returns home to his family home every year for Christmas. But Christmas with nine people is exhausting. Nothing wrong with some time alone, right?

I scorn to change my state with kings by bearwonder (T)

They’d seem an unlikely pair, if anyone saw them from the outside — Crowley in black skinny jeans and Aziraphale in beige corduroys — but no one does, and that’s just how they want it. Crowley and Aziraphale meet in kindergarten. This is the story of their lives.

What About Hope? by AppleSeeds (M)

Crowley met Aziraphale in the spring of 1989 while he was on his lunchbreak from the factory, his attention immediately drawn to the posh boy sitting by the canal writing poetry. It was immediately obvious that they came from entirely different worlds, but the time they spent together was the happiest Crowley had ever known. With Aziraphale, Crowley experienced many firsts - his first kiss, his first love... his first heartbreak. Twenty years later, they are reunited when Crowley, now a successful writer and vlogger, comes to work as an Associate Lecturer in the university department where Aziraphale is an academic. Seeing Crowley brings back Aziraphale's intense regret for allowing himself to be persuaded to leave him behind all those years ago. Aziraphale desperately wishes to renew their acquaintance, but Crowley seems determined to keep his distance. Aziraphale can't blame him for not forgiving him, since he has never been able to forgive himself, but when Crowley begins to spend more time with him, Aziraphale is left with the hope that maybe they could at least be friends again - no matter how much it might hurt.

And a Silver Sixpence in His Shoe by smolalienbee (T)

If there is one thing to be said about Aziraphale Z. Fell is that he leads an ordinary, quiet life. He lives in Soho, London, above an old bookshop that he’s been fortunate enough to inherit in his late twenties. He likes sushi and good wine. He has a few friends - like Nina, who works at the coffee shop across the street; or Maggie, who runs the record store that he takes an absolute pleasure in frequently purchasing from. (He’s lonely. Terribly so. He’s been lonely for about ten years now, since - he does not want to think about that.) Today is his 35th birthday. At age 15, Aziraphale made a Promise. At age 25, he had an Earth-shattering fight with his childhood - and closest - friend. At age 35, that same friend shows up at his doorstep and suddenly, Aziraphale’s entire world is thrown upside down. A story of something unexpected, something old, something yellow, something stolen, something new and something promised. (It’s going to be a long week.)

Dancing in the Dark by Demonicputto (T)

In search of inspiration for his next album, rock musician Tony Jay is headed to London. It's not the atmosphere he's after, but a reunion with Ezra Fell, his dearest friend from childhood. A one sided, adolescent crush fueled Tony's first songs and, now that they're both older, he's hoping those feelings might finally be requited. But, Ezra may not be ready for that. In his eyes, their relationship is far more complicated. Unlike Tony, he remembers who they truly are: the demon Crowley and the angel Aziraphale.

- Mod D

[jake-g-lockley]

The Light of My Knight | Moon Knight x Desi!Reader | Chapter 1: Lord of Dance

Parings: Steven Grant x femdesi!Reader Warnings: Talking about anxiety and stress, parental trauma, racism, colorism, is this angst? Word Count: 1.9k

A/N: Translations will be at the bottom of the chapter xoxo, this is the first time in a long time that I have written something outside of academic writing and I really pushed my brain over the edge with this haha

Taglist: @brekkers-desigirl @wordacadabra @paymeinkash @ahookedheroespureheart Chapter 2

You slowly and groggily sit up, stretching your arms up and over your head, right hand still holding onto your whale plushie. Blindly, you grab around at your bedside table for your phone with your left hand, switch it on and realize that you were awake before your alarm went off.

“Wow, I guess that I am way too excited for my first day of work huh?” You muttered to yourself, trying to blink away the sleep from your eyes.

You knew that you couldn’t go back to sleep, so you swung yourself out of bed and had a quick wash-up, and started to tidy up your flat. As you cleaned, your mind began to wander back to your past, which was riddled with uncertainty.

Indian and Hindu history has always been a passion of yours. You’ve always wanted to be a historian, finally to be the person to share your culture and history instead of hearing it from some vellaikaaran who had only learnt it from the history books and never really experienced the culture. But they never understood, your parents, your toxic, traditional adhering parents. They never wanted you to be a historian, instead, they wanted you to be the normal daughter, the one who would be a doctor, lawyer, or accountant. They constantly brought up your failures, your mistakes.

You look up and you gaze at the mirror in front of you and you see flashes of the girl who your parents wanted you to be. As the tears flowed down your cheeks, you saw the person who wasn’t her parent's daughter, living alone in her flat in London, struggling to get jobs to keep said flat, and enough anxiety and stress to put down an elephant. You think back to all the times you were called ugly by your relatives, how they would put you down for your golden brown skin.

“You are never going to get married if you don’t lighten up that skin of yours.” your grand-aunt once said.

“Your parents are fools for letting you go out looking like this, like someone’s maid.” your other aunt would say.

Those words never left you, no matter how hard you scrubbed at your skin raw or how many at-home remedies you tried. You sob at the times where you were cat-called and thrown slurs at the restaurant that you worked at to get you through university.

You kept to yourself and never made any friends in university, you felt like a loser compared to all of the girls who had confidence levels higher than the Burj Khalifa. The bullies made you feel small, withdrawn and you had nowhere to go.

You were tired, so tired of everyone letting you know that you were not good enough.

As you blink away your tears, and you see yourself again, the you that you wanted people to see. The you who would sit with your great grandmother, your Acchi, for hours on end, listening to all of the tales, myths, legends and even the pain that was endured by your ancestors before you. Moving out of your parent's house and in with Acchi was probably the best decision you made in your adult life.

You were only 18, freshly kicked out of your home for wanting to pursue history and you had no one to help you. But Acchi was there and she insisted that you come and live with her in Chidambaram, Tamil Nadu, to learn her art. Acchi was a classical dance teacher, she taught Bharatanatyam.

You never knew that you could dance, your parents made you stay at home and learn multiple musical instruments as they noted your slightly plump frame. Despite your protests, Acchi never stopped teaching you. She had a heavenly singing voice that would help you feel lost in the stories that you were dancing to.

You danced till your lungs lost their breath, you danced till your legs were so sore that you could barely move them without feeling waves of pain, you danced till the trauma of your past dissipated and the sounds of your salangai mended your broken heart.

That was until it all stopped. One minute she was there and the next minute she was gone. You knew Acchi was getting old, but she was nimble and healthy and oh you wished that she would live forever. When she succumbed to old age, you didn’t know what to do with yourself. You would sit at the temple for hours and hours, staring directly at the idol of Lord Shiva, begging Him silently to bring her back, to heal your misery. Until you felt it. You could never explain what happened that day. Something just told you to follow your gut, to remember everything that you have been taught.

The stories that your Acchi told you had ignited something that could never be extinguished and it burned through you like your lifeline. The gods who kept you alive and the dance that channeled energy that only you could justify. Now, 10 years later, you knew your path.

A weird form of clarity settled in and you felt some healing energy channeling through you. “Only you can write your own history Y/N. Today is the day that you prove everyone wrong and make your Acchi proud!” you muttered back at your tear-stained reflection. You wipe your eyes and step carefully towards your bathroom to get ready for your first day. ☾ .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

You stare up at the colossal British Museum in front of you and warmth spreads through your chest even with the cold winds cutting harshly into your delicate skin. You grab your coat closer, say a small prayer and stomp away towards the entrance. The museum was not fully open yet, only a few staff here and there and a man at the security desk giggling at something on his phone.

Suddenly, you spot the magnificent artifact. Standing on a pedestal a few feet away from you was the statue of Lord Siva as the Lord of Dance, Lord Nataraja. Tears threatened to accumulate in your eyes again and you stepped forwards, not noticed by the giggling man. Your eyes scanned the idol in front of you and you felt a small pang of pain. The British were famous for stealing artifacts from the countries that they colonized and now all of them are displayed at their national museum.

You bit your lip as your mind fumbled at the thoughts that were flowing around you. “You're not supposed to be here, you should be at home, in India.” you addressed the Lord in front of you in a whisper.

Talking to the gods directly like this is not a thing, but to you, it felt normal as you believed that god came from within you. Then you smiled slightly and said “Since you are here, I’d like to ask for a small favor.” you hesitate, thinking of how to word your next sentence.

“Please send me a sign that I’ll be safe and I’ll be okay.”

A slight shiver runs down your spine as you breathe in the cold air whooshing through the museum and suddenly, you felt that fire inside of you as you held your gaze straight at the idol, that feeling of home, security as well as passion danced around you. Without even thinking twice, you let it envelop you and you pressed your hands together in prayer and you closed your eyes bowing your head slightly. You didn’t know how long you stood there but then you heard the sweetest sound your brain had ever processed.

You thought you imagined it at first, and you kept your eyes closed but you lifted your head slightly. It was a voice, a soft beautiful voice coming from the direction of the idol before you. Then you furrowed your eyebrows, thinking hard. “Does Lord Nataraja speak with a British accent?” you muttered.

Then you heard it again, soft, welcoming. But then you felt the hand on your shoulder and your eyes flew open as realization dawned, bringing you out of your little trance. Your eyes met with the most beautiful brown baby doe eyes that were framed with long dark eyelashes and laced with worry. You gasped slightly, bringing your hand to your mouth as the person before you snatched his hand back quickly. You took a step back and you couldn't help but stare.

He was gorgeous. Nope, scratch that, he looked like a god, despite being clad in a wild patterned shirt, his pale, olive undertone skin glowing slightly under the soft twinkle of the display lights. His curls flopped lazily onto his forehead and his eyebrows were knitted together in a concerned manner. His cheekbones sat high on his face and it curved down to a magnificent jaw. Your eyes trailed down the hook of his nose and settled onto his lips which were moving ever so gracefully which made your heart skip a few beats. They looked soft, oh so soft.

His lips were moving.

He was talking to you.

“Heya, you alright?” his voice penetrated through your thoughts, still soft and welcoming but confused. You opened your mouth and blinked but couldn't get the words out of your voice box. Instead you nod as your eyes still scan the beautiful man, his hands clasped close to him, his shoulders rounded as he slouches slightly forward. Then suddenly, you catch his name tag in your gaze.

Steven.

Suddenly it all clicked as your brain started to fire up your neurons again. This was Steven Grant, the guy you were supposed to meet for your first day. You took a deep breath, realizing that you hadn’t been breathing and suddenly realized that you were acting like an absolute moron.

“Hi, there! Oh, you must be Steven, I’m Y/N, I’m so sorry for this, I should have waited for you at the front desk. I’m okay, just slightly overwhelmed by the morning rush, that's all!” you blurt out, earning a beaming smile from Steven.

Oh yea, this man is going to be the death of me.

“Oh, so you’re the newbie! Yea, I’m Steven. With a V! Welcome to the British Museum. So, what drew you to Lord Nataraja?” He asked enthusiastically, averting his eyes towards the statue. You weren’t expecting to be quizzed so early on but you answered anyway.

“Well, I’m a Hindu, a Shaivite, to be exact, and I’ve always prayed to Lord Nataraja. This statue is from the Chola period and it is made in my ancestral homeland, Tamil Nadu. He is in the ananda tandava position as the Lord of Dance, with Ganga flowing through his hair and Apasmara, the dwarfish demon of ignorance, under his right foot.” You say, before catching Steven’s eye again and stopping abruptly. He was grinning from ear to ear, a boyish smile, as kind and as warm as his voice was.

“Oh gods. I’m so sorry, I’m rambling aren’t I?” you say, slightly shrinking under Steven’s gaze.

“No, no you’re not!” He says chuckling slightly. “It's great to know that the people we’re hiring actually know what they’re talking about”

You return his smile. He seems like such a genuine person and radiated a form of happiness that you wanted to be engulfed in. “Come on then, let me show you where you’ll be working!” Steven says cheerfully as he beacons you towards the museum offices.

Oh, it’s going to be a long, long day, gods help me.

☾ .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Translations for the Tamil words: - Vellaikaaran: white people - Acchi: Maternal Great-Grandmother - Chidambaram, Tamil Nadu: City and State in India - Bharatanatyam: Classical Indian Dance - Salangai: A musical anklet tied to the feet of classical Indian dancers - Ganga: Ganga is the personification of the river Ganges who is worshiped by Hindus as the goddess of purification and forgiveness.

Chapter 2

Reblogs are appreciated <3 love you all so so much *muah*

[fixa-ryeter]

here's ageswap!Ritsu!

before we go on, quick heads-up: this is a heavier and wordier post; there’s going to be discussions about PTSD, its symptoms and Ritsu's response to them, and because i’m on PC i can cut off that section with a ‘Keep Reading’ bar? so i’ll do that and try to lay out the rest of the facts before that. also there's gonna be a bit of a format change here bc PC so afblakdhbf

a few people have shown interest in Ritsu and i was. so happy. im still new to tumblr imo and im so excited about all of this FBALDKHFBASFB so here he is. and with this it’ll be a huge look into what happened between him and his brother. also shoutout to my friend bc she is VERY MUCH part of the creative process. i’m not sure if she wants to be mentioned here but credit goes to her too! (bestie if you see this please tell me) update: SHE SAID YES @escape-from-twinkov say thank you escape from twinkov

Ritsu! Popular, all-rounder kid in academics and sports who started burning out in university and dropped out to pursue music with a few of his friends. it worked out for them, and his life is relatively stable. kinda stable. a little stable. really depends on your definition of stable. here’s the facts:

he's a good 5'11, about 24 years old

he/they demiboy. doesn't really feel the need for a solid label for his sexuality

plays guitar. is the band's frontman. he has three other bandmates and Shou Suzuki is one of them.

suffers from PTSD and anxiety (more on it below the cut)

loves playing Just Dance (even though he sucks at it) and Guitar Hero (he's better at this one)

your average My Chemical Romance + vocaloid enjoyer, AND a closeted 1D fan

he's a quick thinker, but when they're anxious he can barely think at all

loves udon. loves tofu. give this man either or both when he's upset and it cheers them up quite a bit.

tells people he has a diary no one should read. not because it's his diary, but because he doodles a lot in it and finds it embarrassing. of course Shou finds out. of course Shou thinks it's adorable.

he went through a lot of friends in his later school life. had many, lost many, and struggled to make friends in university. Found some buddies in their second year, made a band, dropped out with them at the start of third year.

if you've decided not to keep reading until here thanks so much for getting to this point already!!!!! heavier stuff below the cut so read at your own risk. it's lore so if theres a need for it i'll post a summary on it.

So remember the ???% incident in childhood that led to Ritsu getting hurt and Mob being unable to remember what happened? That's where we're getting at. It was never resolved in their childhood or adolescent years. Ritsu tells Mob he doesn't remember either, and tried to sweep it under the rug. Worked for the most part.

his PTSD was delayed onset. his symptoms were there, but not enough to fit the diagnostic criteria. they got worse in university because he was experiencing heavy burnout with no one he felt like he could turn to. he'd moved out and was struggling to make friends.

he has nightmares which only increased in frequency, something he never gave much thought to because they figured it was a logical response to the event. didn't bother to question it either even when he had been experiencing them for months since he had other things to worry about. doesn't mean they didn't bother them and scare them though.

sometimes they just don't show up and don't reply to messages after shooting a quick text to his mates about feeling ill. his bandmates were getting concerned.

a little bit difficult to work with in the studio sometimes because he has difficulty concentrating and doesn't seem present.

terrible sleep quality, something he and his brother have in common.

often lacks motivation to do anything outside of his music job and things he feels like he's obligated to do, like hang out with his friends sometimes. never moves things out of place in his apartment, but his room is usually a mess because he struggles with cleaning up.

Ritsu had no fucking idea how to cope with any of this and made a decision to remove their perceived source of trauma from his life. He completely cut out Mob from his life for a few years. Blocked his number. Blocked his socials. Moved and never gave him a new address.

at first he felt as though he really did something to fix things for himself. after all he didn't need to bother checking up, visiting, hanging out with a person who had caused him all this trouble. he felt optimistic about it at first. waited for their own symptoms to get better. eventually no matter how he looked at it he hadn't fixed anything. he was still being stubborn for years after cutting his brother off.

had a breakdown in front of his bandmates and they started asking him to get help. he caved in and he did! now they're learning to live with their PTSD and their issues in a healthier way. but he's also starting to really miss his brother and feel like an asshole for lying to him about the incident and leaving him in the dark.

soooo that's all that's going to be revealed in this post. more on mob's side of the story and how they try to fix things next time? i've actually already written a oneshot on it but i'm not sure if i should share it. i'll go ahead and burn that bridge when i get to it afbdhsakfb but if you're still reading at this point thanks so much for reading until here 😭😭😭

[findyourrp]

F20+ here! I am: 

an experienced advanced literate | novella roleplayer.

enjoy dark / dead dove themes, explicit content, nsfw, unhealthy/toxic dynamics, and more elements that I’d like to discuss privately!

prefer the pairing MxF (with me portraying the F role) 

Hello everyone! Not a very well-written ad, but submitting it nevertheless. I have over a decade of active experience in roleplaying as well as writing independently, though I have a strong preference for collaborating with others and creating stories filled with twists, depth and intrigue. I write 500-600 words minimum, as I enjoy incorporating purple prose, meaning plenty of description and detail, and I have no maximum word count nor an average length as I love to adapt to my partner and will go as far as 3k. I write only on discord since the server organization there is a godsend, and I’d never miss an opportunity to gush over our characters, spend hours on finding aesthetic pictures and making moodboards, oc playlists, all that. 

Right now, there are two original prompts I’m looking to explore. Keep in mind that both will contain dark, disturbing, and uncomfortable themes that might not be for everyone, to put it simply, but if either of these sounds like something you’d be interested in, don’t hesitate to like this ask and I’ll reach out to you!

Character A is a genius (aka psychopath)—so much so, that his intelligence, academic excellence, and the psychopathic traits of his behavior have made him an outcast and victim of severe bullying. As much as he’s smart, he has never been physically strong enough to defend himself or fight back… until Character B comes into the picture: a rough, tattooed, headstrong delinquent, whom witnesses the bullying one day and saves him. From then on, they slowly develop a friendship as he helps her study properly and pass her tests and, in exchange, she doesn’t let anyone lay a hand on him, and though Character B has only ever viewed him as a friend, Character A’s feelings grow into something more. Eventually they graduate, and due to circumstances, lose contact as life takes them on very different paths… until some years later, where they meet again. How do they reunite? Does Character B apply for a job at Character A’s business, never expecting to be hired or for him to turn out to be the chairman/boss? Does Character A find her by coincidence, working some shitty job at a gas station? Either way, the moment Character A sees her again, the old infatuation he’d felt comes crashing back, and at first, he’s determined to repay her for everything she had done for him in the past and perhaps even rekindle their friendship. But then… How dare she not be grateful? How dare she resist everything he’s trying to give her, to do for her? His obsession becomes sick, disturbing, and as their dynamic starts to shift into something much darker, he decides he’s never going to let her go again. [I would like to play Character B in this scenario]

Character A and Character B grew up in the same orphanage, and were close friends despite being complete opposites. Whilst Character A was quickly adopted by a wonderful couple, thrived in school, and was overall the golden child, Character B always caused trouble and was never wanted by anyone due to his problematic behavior. Eventually, as they grew older, they began to go down different routes, with Character A getting a scholarship and Character B getting involved with gangs, crime, etc. They lose contact, or rather Character A purposely cuts off all connection to him as she realizes that he is no longer the kid she used to know, and so years pass following her disappearance from his life. She graduates, gets married/engaged, has a great job, great friends.. her life is pretty much perfect, until she begins to get strange texts from an unknown number, gifts, things in her house misplaced, an unfamiliar car waiting outside her house at late hours of the night, the feeling of being watched and followed.. is it Character B? [I would like to play Character A in this scenario]

None of the details are set in stone and can be changed or altered to your preference, and I can’t wait to hear your ideas. Minors DNI! ❤️

.

[lilylovessev]

the nanny || snamione

“I don’t know why it is that you find it so funny,” Hermione Jean Granger responded to the laughter of her friends as she looked between them. “I happen to enjoy making the most of my academic talents.” She had just announced that she was taking on a research project starting soon, which had somehow conjured up this reaction from her closest friends. For some reason, the fact that she hadn’t yet gotten herself a ‘real’ job, was astonishing to them all.

“You’re going to end up with far more letters after your name than is necessary. Get a bloody job, ‘Mione.”

“I don’t need to rush into a job. Has what’s happened to us not taught you anything about the value of doing what you want with your life, Ronald?” 

There were times when she wondered how it was that she managed to put up with him, and then she remembered everything that they had been through together. Their relationship had been somewhat strained as of late. She wasn’t as desperate to settle down as he was. She certainly didn’t need to marry him or immediately start a family in order to feel fulfilled in her life. She wanted to take things slow and focus on building her career, and to do what she wanted, there was every expectation that she stood out. In order to stand out, she was doing as much as possible to build her academic resume. It wasn’t as if she wasn’t doing anything other than studying and research. It was fairly safe to say that her life was really rather hectic outside of time spent in the library. 

As much as you’d very much think that the life of a hero would be relatively easy to navigate, that had been far from the case for her. The trauma of it all had been bad enough, the attention in the afermath had been overwhelming. There had been some money, a little, but she hadn’t wanted it. Quite frankly, all that she’d wanted was just to be able to carry on with her life, or rather to build a life for herself; whatever that currently looked like. 

She’d had to work multiple relatively low income jobs over the last couple of years to sustain herself whilst studying. She was starting to become established in her academic life, and was doing everything that she had to do to make that possible. If that meant bar-staffing or working in a shop, or whatever it was that she had to do then so be it. She was currently looking for another source of income to bide her time whilst she completed her upcoming project. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to do just yet, but was keeping an eye on advertisements in the Daily Prophet and at the Ministry. It had opened her eyes, really, having to work some of the jobs that she’d done. It wasn’t really like her at all; it had certainly raised a few eyebrows to see her behind the bar.

She’d just received a little money from her parents, whom she had just visited in Australia. It had taken her far too long to make things right. Despite the fact that she had immediately returned their memories, the whole experience had knocked them for six, and it had taken them quite a while to fully trust her again. Perhaps, that wouldn’t make sense to some, and they had known that she was protecting them. However, she had taken an awful lot from them in one fell swoop. She could understand why they had felt a little put out. They were happy and safe now though, and that was all that had mattered to begin with. 

“Anyway, all of you, laugh as you may... I’ll be Minister one day, just you wait and see.” 

She picked up her glass of wine and took a sip, shrugging her shoulders, “You never know.” She wasn’t planning on getting there in a hurry, but it was indeed a future ambition, no matter what anyone else thought of that being the case. She didn’t really see a limit on what she could achieve. She was working her arse off to better herself, whilst also having rather successfully coped with the trauma that they’d all experienced. She had put herself through therapy, had worked on herself and felt as if she was truly coming in to the next season of her life. She was still very young, yes, which was why she was going to make the most of bettering herself whilst she could. She knew that her friends would be there, undoubtedly so, whatever their current thoughts about what she chose to do with her life were.

[roleplay-today]

F20+ here! I am: 

an experienced advanced literate | novella roleplayer.

enjoy dark / dead dove themes, explicit content, nsfw, unhealthy/toxic dynamics, and more elements that I’d like to discuss privately!

prefer the pairing MxF (with me portraying the F role) 

Hello everyone! Not a very well-written ad, but submitting it nevertheless. I have over a decade of active experience in roleplaying as well as writing independently, though I have a strong preference for collaborating with others and creating stories filled with twists, depth and intrigue. I write 500-600 words minimum, as I enjoy incorporating purple prose, meaning plenty of description and detail, and I have no maximum word count nor an average length as I love to adapt to my partner and will go as far as 3k. I write only on discord since the server organization there is a godsend, and I’d never miss an opportunity to gush over our characters, spend hours on finding aesthetic pictures and making moodboards, oc playlists, all that. 

Right now, there are two original prompts I’m looking to explore. Keep in mind that both will contain dark, disturbing, and uncomfortable themes that might not be for everyone, to put it simply, but if either of these sounds like something you’d be interested in, don’t hesitate to like this ask and I’ll reach out to you!

Character A is a genius (aka psychopath)—so much so, that his intelligence, academic excellence, and the psychopathic traits of his behavior have made him an outcast and victim of severe bullying. As much as he’s smart, he has never been physically strong enough to defend himself or fight back… until Character B comes into the picture: a rough, tattooed, headstrong delinquent, whom witnesses the bullying one day and saves him. From then on, they slowly develop a friendship as he helps her study properly and pass her tests and, in exchange, she doesn’t let anyone lay a hand on him, and though Character B has only ever viewed him as a friend, Character A’s feelings grow into something more. Eventually they graduate, and due to circumstances, lose contact as life takes them on very different paths… until some years later, where they meet again. How do they reunite? Does Character B apply for a job at Character A’s business, never expecting to be hired or for him to turn out to be the chairman/boss? Does Character A find her by coincidence, working some shitty job at a gas station? Either way, the moment Character A sees her again, the old infatuation he’d felt comes crashing back, and at first, he’s determined to repay her for everything she had done for him in the past and perhaps even rekindle their friendship. But then… How dare she not be grateful? How dare she resist everything he’s trying to give her, to do for her? His obsession becomes sick, disturbing, and as their dynamic starts to shift into something much darker, he decides he’s never going to let her go again. [I would like to play Character B in this scenario]

Character A and Character B grew up in the same orphanage, and were close friends despite being complete opposites. Whilst Character A was quickly adopted by a wonderful couple, thrived in school, and was overall the golden child, Character B always caused trouble and was never wanted by anyone due to his problematic behavior. Eventually, as they grew older, they began to go down different routes, with Character A getting a scholarship and Character B getting involved with gangs, crime, etc. They lose contact, or rather Character A purposely cuts off all connection to him as she realizes that he is no longer the kid she used to know, and so years pass following her disappearance from his life. She graduates, gets married/engaged, has a great job, great friends.. her life is pretty much perfect, until she begins to get strange texts from an unknown number, gifts, things in her house misplaced, an unfamiliar car waiting outside her house at late hours of the night, the feeling of being watched and followed.. is it Character B? [I would like to play Character A in this scenario]

None of the details are set in stone and can be changed or altered to your preference, and I can’t wait to hear your ideas. Minors DNI! ❤️

[wiumgtmktg]

My experience at Western Illinois University - Omar Renteria

Throughout my time at WIU, I had many moments and learning experiences that benefited my personal growth. I would never have expected to be in the position I am today when I first walked onto campus. I arrived with a high school boy mentality and now as a Junior, my mindset has changed completely for the better. The level of personal growth I experienced wouldn’t have been possible without my involvement on campus.

Freshman year:

My freshman year was the prime Covid-19 year, the enrollment rate dropped tremendously at Western Illinois University. Compared to 2018, the total enrollment rate dropped by over 1,000 students. Due to the lack of students on campus because of fully virtual students and even the students on campus who were afraid to go out of their dorms because of the pandemic, Freshman year was boring. I knew that if I didn’t join any organizations I would be bored and probably wouldn’t be where I am today.

Beginning of my involvement:

Initially, when I recently arrived at campus it was hard for me to step outside my room. I was very introverted and didn’t make many friends in my first semester. It wasn’t until the end of the first semester that I got involved in an organization at the Multicultural Center. I joined the Latin American Student Organization because I loved the principles of the organization and the people who were in it. Those people who I met in that organization freshman year are my best friends to today’s date.

Continuous involvement:

Although I didn’t have all the free time I desired while being involved, I liked being active and making a difference for an organization. For LASO, we throw weekly events which is not as easy as it sounds. I learned how to prepare an event and schedule rooms. I learned how to negotiate/ talk to others in a professional manner. Additionally, I learned leadership skills that I am most appreciative of as a Junior.

The pressure of being a leader on campus:

Being a leader on campus requires a lot of time, commitment, and skills to run the organization, especially when you are President successfully. This past year I served as the President of LASO, President of the Marketing Club, Digital Media Analyst intern for the ROTC, joined a fraternity, and started my own business on campus. All this was done in a span of two semesters. I would experience countless hours of sleep due to the stress and time these organizations would require. My priorities at this time got mixed up. Initially, I got here on campus, prioritizing my grades over everything, but I fell in love with being involved, meeting new people, and prospering in the organizations I was involved with.

Most challenging semester:

Balancing everything out at once was one of the hardest things I’ve done. Running an active organization is like working a full-time job. It is not easy but also not impossible. On average, I would get about 5 hours of sleep this past semester. Not only because of the organizations I’m involved with but also personal life situations that happened. This involvement is also reflected in my personal grades. Although it reflected on my grades, I like to see the positives in things and took it as a lesson learned. 

Growth:

Involvement comes with its own benefits and personal growth moments. These benefits include learning how to be a leader, learning how to communicate in the business world, and learning to manage your time. Arguably, these traits are what companies look at when hiring instead of your grades. It is very important for an individual to attain these skills to be successful in the real world.

Conclusion:

All in all, I do not regret any second of my involvement because I have learned and grown so much from all my experiences. Although it might have set me back a bit academically, I know I can learn from my mistakes and overcome that obstacles. Now that I have served my time leading these organizations I can finally rest and focus on graduation and getting good grades.

Attended a leadership conference

[prpfs]

F20+ here! I am:

* an experienced advanced literate | novella roleplayer.

* enjoy dark / dead dove themes, explicit content, nsfw, unhealthy/toxic dynamics, and more elements that I’d like to discuss privately!

* prefer the pairing MxF (with me playing as the F role)

Hello everyone! Not a very well-written ad, but submitting it nevertheless. I have over a decade of active experience in roleplaying as well as writing independently, though I have a strong preference for collaborating with others and creating stories filled with twists, depth and intrigue. I write 500-600 words minimum, as I enjoy incorporating purple prose, meaning plenty of description and detail, and I have no maximum word count nor an average length as I love to adapt to my partner and will go as far as 3k. I write only on discord since the server organization there is a godsend, and I’d never miss an opportunity to gush over our characters, spend hours on finding aesthetic pictures and making moodboards, oc playlists, all that.

Right now, there are two original prompts I’m looking to explore. Keep in mind that both will contain dark, disturbing, and uncomfortable themes that might not be for everyone, to put it simply, but if either of these sounds like something you’d be interested in, don’t hesitate to like this ask and I’ll reach out to you!

1. Character A is a genius (aka psychopath)—so much so, that his intelligence, academic excellence, and the psychopathic traits of his behavior have made him an outcast and victim of severe bullying. As much as he’s smart, he has never been physically strong enough to defend himself or fight back… until Character B comes into the picture: a rough, tattooed, headstrong delinquent, whom witnesses the bullying one day and saves him. From then on, they slowly develop a friendship as he helps her study properly and pass her tests and, in exchange, she doesn’t let anyone lay a hand on him, and though Character B has only ever viewed him as a friend, Character A’s feelings grow into something more. Eventually they graduate, and due to circumstances, lose contact as life takes them on very different paths… until some years later, where they meet again. How do they reunite? Does Character B apply for a job at Character A’s business, never expecting to be hired or for him to turn out to be the chairman/boss? Does Character A find her by coincidence, working some shitty job at a gas station? Either way, the moment Character A sees her again, the old infatuation he’d felt comes crashing back, and at first, he’s determined to repay her for everything she had done for him in the past and perhaps even rekindle their friendship. But then… How dare she not be grateful? How dare she resist everything he’s trying to give her, to do for her? His obsession becomes sick, disturbing, and as their dynamic starts to shift into something much darker, he decides he’s never going to let her go again. [I would like to play Character B in this scenario]

2. Character A and Character B grew up in the same orphanage, and were close friends despite being complete opposites. Whilst Character A was quickly adopted by a wonderful couple, thrived in school, and was overall the golden child, Character B always caused trouble and was never wanted by anyone due to his problematic behavior. Eventually, as they grew older, they began to go down different routes, with Character A getting a scholarship and Character B getting involved with gangs, crime, etc. They lose contact, or rather Character A purposely cuts off all connection to him as she realizes that he is no longer the kid she used to know, and so years pass following her disappearance from his life. She graduates, gets married/engaged, has a great job, great friends.. her life is pretty much perfect, until she begins to get strange texts from an unknown number, gifts, things in her house misplaced, an unfamiliar car waiting outside her house at late hours of the night, the feeling of being watched and followed.. is it Character B? [I would like to play Character A in this scenario]

None of the details are set in stone and can be changed or altered to your preference, and I can’t wait to hear your ideas. Minors DNI! ❤️

Leave a like, and anon will get back to you!

[dark-roleplay-finder]

F20+ here! I am:

* an experienced advanced literate | novella roleplayer.

* enjoy dark / dead dove themes, explicit content, nsfw, unhealthy/toxic dynamics, and more elements that I’d like to discuss privately!

* prefer the pairing MxF (with me playing as the F role)

Hello everyone! Not a very well-written ad, but submitting it nevertheless. I have over a decade of active experience in roleplaying as well as writing independently, though I have a strong preference for collaborating with others and creating stories filled with twists, depth and intrigue. I write 500-600 words minimum, as I enjoy incorporating purple prose, meaning plenty of description and detail, and I have no maximum word count nor an average length as I love to adapt to my partner and will go as far as 3k. I write only on discord since the server organization there is a godsend, and I’d never miss an opportunity to gush over our characters, spend hours on finding aesthetic pictures and making moodboards, oc playlists, all that.

Right now, there are two original prompts I’m looking to explore. Keep in mind that both will contain dark, disturbing, and uncomfortable themes that might not be for everyone, to put it simply, but if either of these sounds like something you’d be interested in, don’t hesitate to like this ask and I’ll reach out to you!

1. Character A is a genius (aka psychopath)—so much so, that his intelligence, academic excellence, and the psychopathic traits of his behavior have made him an outcast and victim of severe bullying. As much as he’s smart, he has never been physically strong enough to defend himself or fight back… until Character B comes into the picture: a rough, tattooed, headstrong delinquent, whom witnesses the bullying one day and saves him. From then on, they slowly develop a friendship as he helps her study properly and pass her tests and, in exchange, she doesn’t let anyone lay a hand on him, and though Character B has only ever viewed him as a friend, Character A’s feelings grow into something more. Eventually they graduate, and due to circumstances, lose contact as life takes them on very different paths… until some years later, where they meet again. How do they reunite? Does Character B apply for a job at Character A’s business, never expecting to be hired or for him to turn out to be the chairman/boss? Does Character A find her by coincidence, working some shitty job at a gas station? Either way, the moment Character A sees her again, the old infatuation he’d felt comes crashing back, and at first, he’s determined to repay her for everything she had done for him in the past and perhaps even rekindle their friendship. But then… How dare she not be grateful? How dare she resist everything he’s trying to give her, to do for her? His obsession becomes sick, disturbing, and as their dynamic starts to shift into something much darker, he decides he’s never going to let her go again. [I would like to play Character B in this scenario]

2. Character A and Character B grew up in the same orphanage, and were close friends despite being complete opposites. Whilst Character A was quickly adopted by a wonderful couple, thrived in school, and was overall the golden child, Character B always caused trouble and was never wanted by anyone due to his problematic behavior. Eventually, as they grew older, they began to go down different routes, with Character A getting a scholarship and Character B getting involved with gangs, crime, etc. They lose contact, or rather Character A purposely cuts off all connection to him as she realizes that he is no longer the kid she used to know, and so years pass following her disappearance from his life. She graduates, gets married/engaged, has a great job, great friends.. her life is pretty much perfect, until she begins to get strange texts from an unknown number, gifts, things in her house misplaced, an unfamiliar car waiting outside her house at late hours of the night, the feeling of being watched and followed.. is it Character B? [I would like to play Character A in this scenario]

None of the details are set in stone and can be changed or altered to your preference, and I can’t wait to hear your ideas. Minors DNI! ❤️

Like this post and the asker will reach out!

[maxpointslog]

Absence of Imagination in Creative Writing

How does one find inspiration in creative writing as an adult? Devoting my life to reading and writing to become a better writer has sometimes felt like a fallacy. In the last three years that I have spent in university, I have spent hundreds of hours reading books and searching for meaning, and then trying to piece together the right words to convey my thoughts so that I can be critiqued by someone who knows better than me. Although I think I have learned how to put words and ideas together in a more effective way through this process, when I now sit down and try to write creatively, I often struggle to find a place to start.

When I think back to my childhood and my early twenties, I never experienced this struggle. As a songwriter and amateur journalist, I almost always felt a burning desire in my mind to write about something. Looking back at how I was living during this time though is a bit embarrassing. I got myself into a lot of trouble, made some bad decisions, and had quite a few relationships turn sour. The current version of myself is much more stable and happier most of the time. I am very committed to school and hold down a full-time job now, and as a result I have very little time for anything outside of those two things. I do not go out and live as much as I used to. On top of that, I think that I feel a lot of shame from who I’ve been in the past and try to disassociate myself from that identity.  

Award winning author Andrea Barrett said in an interview that when writing, “don’t discard what you learned in your other life… The things you know deeply – from driving a truck, environmental history, to construction, is a place you can write from.” Seeing this quote hit me deeply, as I have been writing as something akin to a persona in the last few years. My past self is not quite sophisticated enough for the writing I am doing now, so I have repressed it to create this new, sometimes unauthentic voice for myself. Barrett though sends a good reminder here that using past experiences, even outside of the professional or academic writing world, is essential in creating a voice for your writing.

Part of this problem of lack of inspiration also comes from spending too much time writing. Songwriter Philip Selway said on the “Songwriters On” podcast that “his best writing happens when I’m looking the other way.” This means that when Selway is not hyper-focused on the writing process and just going about living his life is when the best songs come to him. This is easy to forget when you are taking 5 writing classes every 6 months, but writing is about experiencing life, syphoning it through your mind to gain meaning and understanding, and then putting it into written form to share with the world. I think back to when I was younger doing things for the thrill of it, and although it sometimes got me into trouble, I always had some new idea I wanted to share. Through reading these interviews and some self-reflection, I think that finding inspiration for creative writing would be a lot easier if we just went out and did something besides write for a little bit.

[conflictcrafter]

thirty-o(ugh)ne

Ive been pondering about direction. Ive confided to some friends recently that I kind of envy people who make “paningkamot” in life. How do we translate that? Those who “buckle down” in life, or those who “take the bull by the horns.” Like what I said, I envy those people because they seem to have something going in their lives. They seem to have a goal, and thus, a direction. I don’t envy them for their direction though, but for their determination or grit. I don’t have that. Or rather, I have not cultivated that drive. I grew up knowing that I’m brilliant. I was not a consistent honor student, nor the achiever type. But I’ve convinced myself enough that cheetahs don’t race against rats. I knew I was naturally more creative, innovative, and outstanding compared to my peers. My brighter peers were just studious. It was enough for them to earn a place. And so, they did stuff in order to earn a place. At least that was how I saw it. A few friends dared question the system and for me, it was these friends who are truly intelligent. I identify with the later. I did not really strive on something. Was talented enough to just get by. Reached a certain level of competence that nobody could tell me where I should have improved. My teacher-coaches never really coached me, and so I thought I was doing fine. They used to just call me when contest dates were near. Thus, I was never “trained” or anything like that. But I learned enough from my many exposures that I developed on my own and questioned existing contest structures. To be fair though, I knew deep down that I wasn’t really that good but from where I spent my formative years, I was the best pick for outside-school events. I looked at myself as someone who is not academically competent, but I knew I was a force in aspects of creativity. This I did not study or force. This comes naturally to me. And perhaps I’ve developed a cognitive behavior to easily adapt and think about concepts and all that. I formed a consciousness in creativity, and this might be argued as studying and perhaps I did. But nobody told me or coached me or trained me to arrive to this consciousness. I know I cannot attribute everything to myself. I am not. But I never experienced any formal training on the matter, is what I am saying. And so, there was actually no opportunity for me to make “paningkamot” on anything. We are also not poor. We are not that comfortable though. There’s a level of comfort, yes. But we still cooked by coal for at least ten years. We budgeted our meals, and I never confided to my parents my ambition of becoming a filmmaker because I knew they could not have sent me to Cebu, where the nearest film school from Davao was located at that time. Point is, we were getting by but we were not entirely poor. This afforded me no full scholarships. And so, I was never really down or up. I was (and is) at the middle. And being at the middle has its own downside as I have little to lose and little to gain. Nothing matters. I graduated cum laude in college, and this made me a little sad because I did not give my all in studying. This was my natural. I am excellent by default. I even wasted my time building romantic relationships, disturbing my academic progress. And yet, I graduated cum laude. When I applied for a teaching job, three out of three schools I applied to called me back. (Chose the nearest to home.) When I applied for a teaching post in DepED, I prepared my lesson plan and instructional materials the night before my demo teaching. Was still ranked second of all District 2 applicants for English at the time (the one who secured the first rank was at least ten years older than me and had a master’s degree). And may I add, when I took the LET, I slept. The proctor had to wake me up because I was snoring. My life is not a story of strife and struggle. I am simply brilliant. And so, I did not strive for excellence. It was my second nature. And if at times I failed, I failed not because I suck but because I hadn’t had enough time—because I always procrastinated. And I always do because I knew I could just wing it was. I also chose my battles. When you’d ask me to do maths, of course, I’d steer clear of that battle. It’s yours, man. In other words, I could easily accept facts I have no control. Speaking of acceptance, I’ve developed some kind of an acceptance acquisition device which enables me to feel anything from the spectrum of plain acceptance to complete apathy on matters in question. I am very sentimental that I tend to hoard things for such value but for the most mundane reasons, I could easily get rid of things. Right now, I could throw anything I posses except my books, my camera, and my laptop. One time, I tore the only drawing my mother liked of all my drawings in my lifetime. I have thrown relationships that I cultivated for years. I took the saying “people come and go” by heart to the point that when I lose someone, either by death or by entropy, I could only say “well,” and move on. Not to sound emotional but truly, I’ve been through worse than being worries about relationships reading their ends. Right now, I could only think of two persons who might have a real impact when they ever decide to cut ties. Point is, I do not care, man. I do not feel. When my mother died, I wasn’t sure what to feel. Or if I felt anything. Of course, I cried. But what, twice? thrice? —and long after she was buried. During the wake, it felt like I was just running errands. But to be fair, maybe this is really how everyone who loses a parent feels. I’m digressing but what I’m trying to say is that I am being entropic, softly isolating, slowly sliding further away until detachment becomes a non-issue. I honestly do not know if everyone feels anything similar or if this is maximized by the pandemic. But with these are the things that I see that somehow affected by ponderings on direction. I will turn 31 in two months. What the fuck is this age? My consciousness is still closer to being childish than to being adultish. I’ve no adult tendencies like preparing things for tomorrow or anything to that effect, except when it comes to, say, arts. Even that, still, I could forego if I would ever feel lazy at a whim. There are a lot of factors that contribute to this shit that I feel right now and am still inclined to think about them although writing them down in this post is starting to disinterest me. and thus I could just leave this post unfinished.

[todrokishoto]

late night conversations | shouto todoroki

summary: excitement leads to insomnia and insomnia leads to a conversation with mr. shouto todoroki

warning(s): mentions of fighting and poor half and half’s childhood. slight angst

a/n: ok but this is not where i was expecting this to go. it was supposed to be about something else lmao but enjoy ig 

your undeniable fatigue was overwhelming, but you were still unable to succumb to the sleep you so desperately needed. not yet, anyway. your body, albeit drained from the physical training performed today during class, was buzzing. 

demanding training was nothing new to class 1-a, and each and everyone of you were progressing with each round of drills the teachers would throw at you. add academic studies into the mix as well and you have the perfect recipe for exhaustion. 

your door slipped shut behind you, the excitement coursing through your veins making it impossible to remain in bed. the hardwood floor was cold underneath your bare feet, but you didn’t feel like going back to fetch your slippers. 

during class with mr. aizawa, you were finally able to nail the ultimate move you had been working on for the past couple of weeks. not only did it feel amazing to execute it flawlessly after so much practice, but it had scored you the victory in the fight against ururaka.

the auburn-haired girl had learned a lot during her internship and had put up more of a fight than you expected. you had seen her go up against some of your other classmates, but experiencing it in person was definitely something else. 

the ding of the elevator echoed, the doors moving apart, as you arrived on the first floor. thank goodness there were no rooms on this floor because you swore the sound would have been loud enough to wake someone up. 

fiddling with your phone, you moved mindlessly, trying to ignore the aches moving throughout your body. you weren’t entirely sure what you planned to do, to be quite honest, but anything seemed like a better idea than being stuck in your bedroom. 

most of your classmates were sleeping, you assumed, or at the very least tucked into bed. the unusual silence of the student dorms didn’t necessarily surprise you but it did make you feel slightly uneasy. it felt foreign. 

so when your name was called, you couldn’t contain the small yelp that escaped you. your phone collided with the floor, the sound once again echoing around the (almost) empty common room, and you winced. with a flick of the wrist, your quirk brought your phone back into your hand and you glanced up to inspect who else was awake at this hour. 

“shouto?” 

his bicolored hair fell into his eyes as he nodded. it was obvious the boy needed a haircut soon but you didn’t dare comment on it. instead, you swallowed the remainder of your shock and made your way over to the sofa he was seated on. 

“what are you doing up?” you questioned quietly, hoping you weren’t prying too much. 

“couldn’t sleep. my thoughts are a little overwhelming at the moment.”

you nodded, your lips pursing together as you tried to wrack your brain for an appropriate response. the two of you had shared a handful of conversations but he was always so formal, making it hard to decipher his true feelings about you. if anyone were to ask if you were friends, you had no idea what to say. 

he spoke first, “sorry for scaring you, by the way.”

“it’s all good,” you assured quickly, the corner of your lips twitching with hints of embarrassment. “i, uh, just didn’t expect anyone else to be awake. i can leave. if, uh, you know, you want me to.”

he shook his head, strands of red and white mixing together. he didn’t verbally protest but scooted over slightly, leaving more room on the couch for you to sit. you accepted his silent offer, not saying anything either, as you lowered yourself onto the sofa. 

the silence continued. you were itching to break it, each second passing making you feel more and more on edge. shouto didn’t make a move to talk like he had previously and you found yourself wondering if it was due to his preoccupied mind or an inability to find the right words. maybe he had just invited you to sit out of common courtesy, secretly hoping you’d decline. 

“great job—”

“so, how did—”

a smile tugged on your lips as his bicolored eyes widened slightly. you nodded, waiting for him to continue his sentence. he remained quiet for a brief moment and you wondered if he suddenly regretted what he was about to say.

“i just wanted to congratulate you on your win against uraraka. you did a great job,” he praised, his words being nothing but earnest. 

“thank you. i didn’t know you were, uh, watching,” you admitted. why were you suddenly feeling self-conscious about him watching you fight? most of your classmates had, so why was he different?

he nodded. “kirishima was able to knock me outside the ring, so i had some time to watch you both.”

“kirishima? really? i mean— he’s my friend and i love him, but he beat you? really?” 

his eyes closed momentarily as his left hand came up to his face. his fingers traced the scar framing his eye, seemingly subconsciously. you felt rude for watching him so intently but you couldn’t help but be mesmerized by the contrast of his bright blue orb compared to the red mark. 

only when his eyes met yours did you realize that you had been caught staring. you averted your gaze immediately. you desperately wanted the conversation to continue and you were inwardly scolding yourself when he spoke again.

“he made a comment and i got distracted, so he had an opening. he did put up a pretty good fight before that, though,” he recalled, his gaze flickering toward his hands now clasped in his lap. “i keep getting distracted when my past or family is mentioned, which is starting to mess with my focus and training.” 

you swallowed, your chest swelling with pride. out of all people, shouto todoroki had decided to confide in you. while you knew a lot about him, his family and his past, most of the information came from your other classmates or rumors. he, himself, had never really seemed interested in sharing those details with you and you refused to pry. 

“what did he say? i’ll beat his ass.”

a laugh. you hoped the surprise you felt wasn’t physically visible. his laughter was rarely shared and you could probably count on one hand how many times you had heard it. you decided right then and there that you would give anything to hear it again and again. 

“just something about my left side matching him. you know, with the red all? it was mindless, really. no need to give him a beating on my behalf. he apologized after,” he assured. “i just... i hate that no matter what i do, my father and the family name still has this affect on me.”

his brain was reeling. you could practically see the gears turning and his internal conflict was essentially radiating from his body. eager to offer advice, you had to bite your bottom lip to keep quiet. you wanted to give him some time with his thoughts. you had interrupted him earlier, after all. 

you knew about his complicated family dynamic. he inspired you, honestly. despite everything he had experienced so far in his young life, he was still able to be one of the top students. he was still able to get up in the morning and go about his day. other people weren’t that strong. 

“i’m going to speak freely for a moment, if you don’t mind,” he didn’t object, so you continued. “no matter how much you wish he wasn’t, endeavor will always be your father. there’s not a single person who wouldn’t agree that your childhood was horrible, but you can’t change what happened.”

he listened, almost clinging to every word, desperate for validation. so you kept going,

“what i’m trying to say is that you’ve come so far. when school started, you were so reserved, obsessing over how your family name defined you. now, i see you laughing with iida and deku during lunch. you use your left side with, what seems like, no hesitation. children can’t choose their parents. you just need to keep proving that you’re better. that you’re able to come out on top. but you have to do it for you.”

you weren’t sure if your words had efficiently conveyed what you truly wanted to say. there was so much more you wanted to tell him. you wanted to praise him, encourage him, let him know that while you two weren’t the closest - you would always be there for him. 

but as he remained quiet, you couldn’t help but worry that you had crossed a line. that was it. if your relationship could be considered friendship in the first place, you had definitely ruined it now. each second of silence ensuing was like a stab to your heart, which was already thumping from nervousness, mind you. 

“thank you,” it was no louder than a whisper but you heard it clear as day. “i needed— thank you.” 

the double-quirked boy wasn’t one to openly show his feelings. everyone knew this. whether he was angry, sad or happy, his face always appeared to successfully hide it. so you pretended not to notice the tears welling up in his eyes, offering him a smile instead. 

once again, there was a silence engulfing the two of you. this one, though, wasn’t thick and awkward. it was welcome and comfortable. the kind of silence that happens between best friends and neither one of them mind. 

you were the one to break it, albeit involuntarily. you know how bodies do things that you don’t necessarily want them do? yeah, well your body did just that. shouto’s bicolored eyes met with yours as a violent shiver coursed through you. was it really that cold? 

he seemed to study you briefly before holding out his arm and angling his body slightly toward you. you weren’t sure if he was just that oblivious or if he was being bold. this time, it was your mind going into overdrive. it seemed innocent enough but you still felt hesitant to accept his offer. 

before you were able to either accept or decline, his arm had wrapped around your shoulders. with a gentle tug, you practically fell into his embrace, immediately feeling the warmth from his skin. your tense muscles relaxed and you let his heat melt away your worries. 

“my left side’s not all bad, i guess,” he mused and you swore you could hear a smirk. your face was pressed into his chest, making it impossible for you to check. 

instead, you readjusted your arm, placing it on his abdomen. he tensed up ever-so-slightly when you did, his muscles flexing beneath his shirt, but neither of you commented on it. his chest continuously rose and fell with each breath, creating a rather comforting rhythm. 

“so, what did you think about my fight? did i impress mr. shouto todoroki?”

yet another laugh escaped him, his chest rumbling underneath you. you swore it was one of the most beautiful sounds you had ever heard and it was easily becoming one of your favorites. you would, without hesitation, fight anyone who dared take it away from him. 

he began telling you about what he had noticed during your fight and you listened. you knew he was giving honest advice, and honestly, you could probably use the pointers but you found yourself more captivated by his voice than anything else. had it always been this smooth? 

your conversations continued. they were random and sometimes one-sided, and you had no idea how they lasted but you didn’t want them to stop. he didn’t either, it seemed, occasionally bringing up new topics himself. they continued long into the night, you were sure. 

and, eventually, fatigue caught up to the both of you. the conversations more and more scarce. his breathing growing more and more shallow, barely moving underneath you. your eyelids getting heavier and heavier. 

neither one of you retreated to your respective bedrooms. neither one of you moved; your bodies just melting together like missing puzzle pieces finally finding each other. and neither one of you heard the snickers and camera shutters from your classmates in the morning. 

[amandadeibert]

A Love Letter to Parents At the End of The Most Difficult School Year EVER

WOW, that was really something, huh?

It’s the end of the most difficult year school for all of us: teachers, parents, students… Hell, probably even the neighbors of parents and students. I would say “at least we survived!” but this has been more than a year of illness and mental health crises… not all of us did. Some of you are mourning those loses. I am so sorry.

As my daughter celebrates her final day of Kindergarten, and I celebrate my final day of supervising hours of zooms and packets full of work, of being her mother, teacher, confidant, chef, maid, PE teacher, and playmate… I have a lot of emotions. I’m sure you do too.

It was hard for those of us who, like my family, spent the entire year in virtual school: never meeting teachers or classmates in person. Those of us who spent so much of the year trying not to worry about excessive screen time while going against our intuition to coax children to sit up and pay attention to their computers.

It was difficult for families who did hybrid and had their bits of in-person “normalcy” sporadicly and suddenly turned to quarantines every time there was an exposure so that there could never be a true routine.

It was complicated for parents navigating this with multiple children who all needed different things at the same time. I know in my daughter’s own little kindergarten class we over-heard older siblings’ music lessons, younger siblings’ infant-wails, and parents trying to deal with their work zooms while 6 year olds struggled to concentrate on learning to read.

My heart especially goes out to the parents of children who need extra attention or services, some of whom lost out on months or a year of in-person therapies. This is unfair and horrible. This has been infuriating, unfair, and horrible. You have been dealing with far more worries than you should have had to and I am so sorry.

And then there’s work… whew. As a working mother who went to work in person in full PPE, then worked from home with endless Zoom meetings while my daughter put Elsa stick-on earrings all over my face, and then who lost my job due to pandemic related situations. I know it was difficult to work and teach and parent and be a child’s only friend and entertainment.

For those of you who are essential, for those of you who work in healthcare and mental healthcare… I just, I can’t even begin to tell you how much I admire you and also know my admiration doesn’t do a fucking ounce of good to help alleviate all you’ve had to juggle and endure.

So much has fallen disproportionality on mothers. We can see it in hard data. This will have ramifications for years to come. Just as it will on our kids… in ways we don’t even fully understand yet. Just while trying to write this essay…. my daughter and our kitten have crawled into my lap. They are both here right now.

And yes, I know plenty of amazing Dads who have been struggling right there with us. My dad-friends and I have leaned on each other TREMENDOUSLY this year, so please don’t think I don’t see you out there struggling through this too.

As I look back over this past school year (and the end of the academic year before) I am feeling sad for the milestones my child didn’t get to have. The things we didn’t experience as planned. The fond farewell to her preschool of 3 years we never had. The kindergarten teacher she never met in person. The first year at an elementary school where we haven’t yet been inside the building. I have so much dread for the coming separation anxiety after more than a year of never being apart. Hers and mine. This was not how things were supposed to be. No matter how you’ve experienced the pandemic, because we’re all doing it differently… this was not what we “planned.” It’s also not something anyone else alive has ever had to deal with before.

I want to stress that again:

No parent alive has ever dealt with anything like this. No one alive has experienced anything like this as a child. Bad things? Yes. Worse thing? Yes, even. But not THIS.

So if your parents/elders are giving unhelpful “advice” about how you should/should have handled things please remember THEY HAVE NO IDEA. None. At all.

This is one area where you can laugh and laugh and be like… “YOU HAD OPEN PARKS AND SCHOOLS AND KIDS COULD GO RIDE THEIR BIKES UNRESTRICTED. YOU COULD GO SIT IN CHURCH AND THE KIDS WOULD BE IN SUNDAY SCHOOL. YOU CAN NOPE RIGHT OFF.” Love them. Love their advice, but they don’t actually know what it is like.

I hope they are offering love and support. I don’t have living parents, but my grandmother is the first to say that even as a stay at home mom whose husband was away fighting a war, she can’t imagine being unable to simply take her kids to school or to run errands, or to let them play with other children. Her situation was very difficult and complicated. I don’t have it worse. Not at all. It’s just that this school year has been one hell of a weird one.

There have been bright spots. I loved getting to watch and experience my daughter learning in real time. Seeing the day-to-day progress and truly knowing what is going on in her classes. Again, that isn’t the experience for parents who have children unable to access their child’s IEP help in the way they should.

I love the extra time we’ve gotten together as a family. The movie nights outside and snuggles and lack of rushing around from place to place. I enjoy as an Angeleno not being stuck in traffic for hours. Not everyone has been able to work from home like my wife and I have mostly been able to do for much of this and I am grateful for that too.

My hope is that when this is truly over, when we get back to whatever new life looks like in the next school year, that some of the good will stay. That I will be more involved in our child’s education than maybe I would have been before because I know what it looks like. That we will spend more time as a family together just us. That I won’t say “yes” to things out of obligation that don’t add value to our lives. That we won’t be too busy.That’s probably naive, but we can sure try.

I hope that you have some bright spots to look back on from this past school year. I hope you can share them with your children and they can share theirs with you. Whatever you had to do to get through this, I am so outrageously proud of you. I am proud of me too. And wow, our kids. They’ve been through some shit. I’m super proud of them.

Please, please take some time to celebrate what you have managed to get through. I got cupcakes for the kiddo and some cocktails for grownups. Please do whatever version of that sparks some happiness.

PUNT THAT SCHOOL-ISSUED LAPTOP INTO THE SUN.

I mean, yeah okay, we’ll all responsibly return it fully charged and be so grateful to the school system that we didn’t have to use Mommy’s work laptop for it but you know… metaphorically it’s that scene from Office Space. (Your kids wouldn’t get this joke but this isn’t for them. JUST LIKE THE COCKTAIL/CHOCOLATE/BUBBLEBATH/WHATEVER YOU ARE GONNA DO TO CELEBRATE YOU )

Anyway, you are amazing. Maybe you don’t feel like many people noticed. I see you. I’m toasting you from this weird half-teacher’s lounge we share.

If you’d like to share some of your brightest spots, or most amazing, brilliant parent hacks from all this madness, I would love to read about it in the comments. We’ve got to hold onto the good.

[mrrightmrunknown]

Hello all. I am writing a new book (I am not experienced in this) and would like opinions on my first chapter so I know what I can change or improve.

This book will be from three perspectives, Emma, Lucy and Steve.

Mr. Right, Mr. Unknown.

Chapter one

Emma

“Emma, what do you think then?”

I’m pulled out of my own thoughts just at the perfect time. My best friend really did know how when I was in my own world. She’d been speaking to me about university for quite a while now. I sometimes wonder whether I’m jealous of her and the fact she has her life all planned and put together whilst I feel I’m sinking from the side lines.

I’d never admit it. I have too much pride, I give out enough smiles to not give it away. Well, until I have a glass of wine then it all comes out. Maybe this is why Lucy takes me to the pub, because that is where she knows I’ll truly be honest.

She knows I haven’t been the same. Heck were either of us from the high school life we used to live? Gone are the years of a stress free life and house parties with the cool gang, I’d only ever felt like I fit in because I begged my parents to buy the expensive brands. Going to Hollister to buy a way too overpriced spray just so I had their bag to carry my PE kit in so they thought I had the money. Honestly - what was so special about those bags? One bit of rain and it would be breaking beneath you and then you had to run in soggy clothes. I wish young me didn’t care so much but the truth was - I always cared, I still do.

“Emma - honestly what is up with you today? Do I need to get you a shot?”

“I’m fine, sorry I had work stuff on my mind” - lie. “Anyway, tell me how are you and Mike?” - I’ve always been good at taking the question away from me. My beautiful blonde best friend starts to tell me all about her relationship. Again another reason I’d been so jealous. I loved hearing her speak about her relationship because I always wanted her to be happy. To say we’ve both been unlucky in love is an understatement but this best friend is like a sister.

I hadn’t known Lucy long. We’d met in high school by pure chance. We both came from small villages, I think we both dreamed of an amazing life in high school. Academically we wanted to strive for the best, we both had dreams for our future and we cheered each other on. When we became friends I don’t think either of us knew it would be a friendship for life but our life outside of school merged so well. A local pub where we’d bring a bottle of wine in our handbags and pour it into glasses of lemonade at the sweet age of 16. Going on runs to the pub but getting a lift back after a basket of chips. Talking about the boys we’d been talking to and being each others shoulder to cry on. We had different lives, Lucy was athletic and boisterous - every guy falling at her feet at her confidence and the way she lit up a room. Mean whilst I always hated exercising and pined over my first love.

Maybe that is what my mind is on. I hadn’t found anything since him. Since Matt. I was only 16 when I fell for him. Our relationship was forbidden, me at the sweet age of 16 and him at 29. It shouldn’t have worked and in the end it didn’t but at the time it felt so right. I remember when I first met him, I was just a waitress and I was walking through the pub to find my next table. God did I love that job, on my feet seeing my friends have fun whilst I could interact whilst I could. Then I met him. He was in my way, I was looking at the back of him (God would this however tall tanned brunette man move out of my way) and that’s when my confidence came from nowhere. “Will you get out of my way” - his words to follow lingered on my mind for 2 years “Sorry Darlin”. At first I thought what an ass, a fit ass at that with a good ass. Who knew what was to follow.

“So yeah, everything is going really well between us Em, do you want another wine?”. I have no idea what Lucy’s just told me, I really need to make sure I focus on my best friend and not my life now. Lucy walks in, obviously wearing the best clothes, and gets me another wine. She wanders back and lets me know Mike and Cory will be joining. Instantly I feel annoyed. Cory was one of my pasts, one that felt like a dream at the time, I’d never met such a beautifully tattooed man with a shadow on his perfectly lined jaw. One my mouth had been all over. It was a long time ago thing but seeing him now either sends me into pure anger because he acts like it never happened, jealousy for seeing him talk to another woman or an overwhelmed amount of wet feeling. Only time would tell.

I see Mikes car, a white Mercedes with the nicest interior - this man really did like his cars but so did Lucy - and that’s when I see him in the passenger seat. They’re laughing like they’re having the funniest conversation of their life. Instantly I’m anxious - are they laughing over me? Has he maybe confessed to our one night antics, am I wearing the right clothes for him to maybe want me again… why am I feeling like this? This happened so long ago and he is definitely not interested in me.

Cory walks over, smoking his vape like he is the coolest guy in the village, I can’t deny that right now he isn’t. My local pub is filled with my bestest friends but the closest thing to eye candy you get is the average 30 year old who walks in with his wife. There isn’t a lot of option in my village, but when Cory is there in grey sweats, a tight white cotton top and a black cap whilst smoking his vape… he is the finest thing you could find on the shelf. The pair of them walking into the pub with no care in the world. Both Cory and Mike had full time jobs, best friends and worked together, they had it all. Mike had Lucy and Cory had woman falling at his feet. It isn’t long until they come back outside and join us. Mike sitting to my left and Cory to Lucy’s right. It honestly is like he tries to avoid me, his mouth didn’t say the same the night we spent together. He was doing nothing to avoid me that night and that mouth was all over me. I shiver at the thought - is this it? Am I maybe finally out of his spell?

Mike and Cory sit and talk about the latest videos they’ve found funny with laughter falling from them every 3 minutes. Lucy and I talk about work, I tell her about the latest drama of my basic office job. I left college from my job, how I went from wanting to be a midwife to a Monday to Friday, 9-5 job in an office I truly don’t know. I do, I just don’t like to confess it, at least not to my friends. I did it for my future I dreamed of for me and Matt. After he asked me to move in I felt I had to provide in some way to the house than let him watch me go through college and University. I left college and joined the world of a full time job yet he still didn’t let me pay a penny for anything. He really did care about me, well in the beginning at least.

Instantly my eyes are filled with tears, I blink trying to fight them back. Why do men always have this affect on me? It isn’t just Cory, everyone from my past holds a string in my body. They are the capillaries to my life, I can forget them easily but once they come back to the surface my emotions are running wild. I’ve always cherished every memory in my life - some I would like to bury incredibly deep - but every single memory with my past crushes never struggle to resurface and they break me every time. I’m sat with a large pinot which I had to top up, a cigarette and my thoughts. I should have left with Lucy. I’m thinking about my job and if I truly have a future there, the fact I still live with my parents whilst all my friends move out with their partners and then that… that I’m alone.