#never have i ever s1 e4

[queermediaanysis]

I’ve seen a few takes on the whole “Is the writing actually bad or are you trying to order a milkshake from the hardware store?” genre expectations thing for OFMD s2 and I’m gonna add my own.

Yes, I know it’s billed as a lighthearted pirate romcom. And s1 was just that. But s1 also had some incredibly solid character arcs and thematic elements and layers and so much depth that were shaped by some more serious dramatic bits here and there.

I wasn’t expecting that going into it. In s1, I was expecting to go into the hardware store for hardware, as anyone would, because it’s advertised as a hardware store. But then I got there and discovered that this particular hardware store also happened to sell milkshakes. I didn’t expect milkshakes from a hardware store, especially not really good milkshakes since that seems like it might be a tough thing to sell together, but they were able to keep the hardware out of the milkshakes and vice versa, so it was great. You didn’t have to order a milkshake if milkshakes weren’t your thing and you never planned on ordering one since it’s ultimately a hardware store. You could just come for hardware. You could also really just come for the milkshakes if you wanted to, but it was still really clear that we were getting that milkshake from a hardware store.

And then s2 started and the hardware store spent three episodes really expanding on the milkshake sales. To the point it was like wow, if I hadn’t been told this was a hardware store, I’d almost think it was a milkshake shop. And since it was ultimately meant to be a hardware store, they clearly had to try and sell some hardware, but that seemed like it ended up being a little hard to make room for with how much of the store had been filled with milkshakes, so suddenly there are some milkshakes made with nails and screws, and there are toolboxes and lumber with milkshakes spilled on them. And idk maybe they should’ve served fewer milkshakes if they still were gonna try and sell that much hardware, because these things really don’t always mix and now we can’t really use either of them like that. But still, they just kept making more and more and more milkshakes until the blenders just exploded and there’s just this gigantic milkshake mess everywhere.

So at the onset of e4 it’s like okay, yeah, I have faith that this hardware store will definitely clean up the milkshakes because they’re clearly all over this place; it can hardly even be a hardware store til the milkshakes are cleaned up. But then besides a handful of paper towels that are used to clean up a little tiny puddle of milkshake, everyone just… resumes work selling hardware? Despite the fact that they’re still just walking around in the gigantic milkshake mess??

And that just keeps going til there’s only one episode left and it’s like geez idk why they still haven’t cleaned up the milkshakes I hope they can somehow. That seems tough with so little time left, but this place started as really great hardware store that sold quality milkshakes, so maybe they can pull it off.

But then instead, the CEO of the hardware store decides to unexpectedly murder one of the hardware store employees and says it was a kindness because said employee was just so sticky from the milkshakes that never got cleaned up. Which doesn’t seem like a valid reason AT ALL? and even in a messy, milkshake-covered hardware store, that WASN’T something anyone would typically expect to see?? Plus it still did NOTHING to clean up the milkshakes??

And a lot of us are left just asking “i don’t understand, why did no one clean up the milkshakes???” and for some reason, the response to that often seems to be “hardware stores don’t sell milkshakes”. No, they usually don’t, but this one did. None of us would have ever tried to order a milkshake if it hadn’t been established that this specific hardware store has always sold them, and we’re a little concerned that it’s still just covered in them.

It was also super confusing that the hardware store locked its doors and stuck an “out of business forever” sign up while also still planning to open again like usual but said that if they don’t, at least everyone got a happy ending.

Like… um I really don’t think they did and either way I’m a little wary about shopping at this hardware store again.

[axel-ambassador]

Reasons why Axel is best girl

Her name and design is absolute peak

This was a promo photo. The combat boots, the camo pants, the asymmetrical piercings, the camo paint and absolute feral energy in this photo.

There's a reason why she had so much hype before we even knew her personality. She exudes absolute girlboss energy and leaks with potential.

Her voice is incredible

Something about her dialect tickles my brain. Just listen to her speak especially in S2 E3 and you'll see what I mean. Her VA does an incredible job.

She's incredibly compassionate believe it or not

Her boot episode in S1 starts with her getting breakfast in the woods. She could have made food for just herself but took the time to find and cook food for the rest of her team.

S2 E2 consists of her helping her struggling teammates several times. Zee when he's taken too many hits and Damien after going through the 4 point tube.

You may think she does it out of necessity, but anybody could have gone and saved Damien, Priya especially. She's quick to inform them he needs medical attention.

She even admits that despite winning she doesn't approve of what Millie did. This is coming from the same girl that kicked a teammate overboard in the season prior. She genuinely cares about her team.

She's not very fond of Ripper, yet when she accidentally punches him in the face, she is quick to help him up and fix his broken nose. Her voice is incredibly soft as she helps him as well.

The way she handles Ripper's initial confession really sticks out to me. She doesn't lash out or mock him for having a crush, she calmly admits to being uncomfortable and gently tells him she doesn't feels the same.

She even apologizes. There's no need to apologize for not returning romantic feelings for someone. They're not entitled to your love. But she apologizes anyways despite Ripper never asking for one, because she knows that she hurt him and wanted to reject him as nicely and possible.

She recognizes Rippers development and sees how he's willing to better himself for her. He took the time to learn one of her hobbies for her and she realizes and truly appreciates that. She rewards his efforts by kissing him.

She loves Ripper for who he is despite his imperfections. She finds his stupidity to be attractive, and he's a bit insecure when it comes to impressing her, so she's quick to reassure him that she does in fact love him after insulting him and knocking him off their canoe.

There's these little blink and you'll miss it moments in the finale where when Ripper is getting hurt she's not too pleased and is there to comfort him.

Her confidence is unmatched

From the very beginning she's very sure of herself and her abilities. Her first line is her boasting about her survival abilities and how she's not afraid and how people should fear her instead.

She doesn't doubt her decisions. She kicks Ripper overboard in S1 and doesn't ever regret it, not even after she's been voted off because of it.

In S2 E3 she does a flip over a stump just because she can. Her only solo confessional is her bragging about how she was born for this challenge. She's fully confident in her skills and for good reason.

S2 E4 has a lot of these moments where she's so sure of herself not as a survivalist but also as a person. She was voted "most likely to make you regret stuff" in survival camp. She's not ashamed of that fact, she sounds almost proud.

When her love of poetry is revealed, she's not embarrassed, she sounds happy to be able to reveal that fact about herself. She knows that it's an interest not expected of someone like her, and she doesn't care.

She kisses a man on live TV despite being incredibly embarrassed and near uncomfortable with being put on the spot.

She doesn't change herself for Ripper. She is so sure of herself and she knows Ripper loves her for who she is. She's not embarrassed to show her love for him, and she's not afraid to still be her authentic self.

She takes bullshit from no one

When she stops Ripper from wasting his time and energy in the beginning, he lashes out. How does she respond? She growls at him. She's not gonna let some guy yell at her when she's trying to help.

Ripper refuses to have her lead the team despite majority ruling for her to be captain, so what does she do? She kicks him overboard for mutiny and refusing to cooperate.

Ripper taunts her for getting booted by waving his marshmallow in her face. She's already pissed, so she bites his hand and eats his own marshmallow straight from his hand. What a queen.

Ripper calls her and her team nerds in S2 E2 and she immediately snaps at him and intimidates him for his disrespect.

S2 E3 is when she and Ripper get stuck butt to butt, and it does slow her down a lot, but she ends up being in the pack getting carried by Caleb regardless. She's not really responsible for her teams loss. So when Chef puts her on the list of people on the chopping block, she immediately shuts him down because of how stupid that is.

Her split second Yuri moment with Emma consists of her intimidating her not to mess up the challenge. Emma does mess up, Axel falls, and Axel votes her off.

Her team loses for the 3rd time in a row by E5 and of course Chris relishes in their failures and rubs it in their faces. Axel is a blunt and honest person, but here she resorts to sarcasm because that's how done she is with his shit.

She's literally about to be eaten by a shark and she just turns and yells at it to back off, icon.

[autistic-crypt1d]

Stargate Atlantis lines I love:

M - McKay

S - Sheppard

T - Teyla

F - Ford

W - Weir

C - Carson

R - Ronon

S1 E11 - M "Oh would you look at that?! That is just never gonna be useful again!"

S1 E11 - C "are you telling me to shut up again?" F "Again."

S1 E11 - Genii soldier "Turn. Around." S "You turn around" Genii soldier "what?" S "Well if I have to turn around, you should turn around."

S1 E11 - Kolya "you said this would work!" M "I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE NOTICED BUT I'M AN EXTREMELY AREOGANT MAN WHO BELIEVES ALL HIS PLANS WILL WORK"

S1 E11 - W "nice work Rodney" M "did you ever doubt me?" W "Yes, several times"

S1 E15 - M "ah that's what I thought, freezer burn."

S1 E17 - F "you didn't say anything that would require security clearance did you?" Zelenka "Security clearance?"

S1 E19 - M "Oh yeah. Yeah that's permanent back damage." Peter "Sorry, I assumed it would come on more slowly." M "Well you assumed with my life." (He's so sassy I love it)

S1 E20 - M "yeah well we're building nuclear bombs here, staying awake is a prerequisite." C "Snappy."

S2 E4 - M "I'm not crazy. I just have another conciousness in my brain!"

S2 E5 - S "I do say so and right now I'm saying knock it off!" R "Is that an order, Sheppard?" S "Right now I am beat up, tied up, and couldn't order a pizza if I wanted to, but if you need it to be an order, yeah, it's an order."

S2 E6 - W "I know Rodney McKay and sometimes I have to protect him from himself" S " I can do that"

S2 E17 - S "that's Lieutenant Colonel Errand Boy to you."

S2 E17 - R "I just wanna know who thinks I'm not a threat and give em a chance to change their minds."

S3 E1 - S "Operation 'This Will Most Likely End Badly' is a go."

S3 E8 - M "I don't wanna scare you but we are at war." Jeannie "Did you start it?" M "What? No!"

S3 E10 - C "my turtles!"

S3 E10 - O'Neil "in the unlikely event you don't fail miserably, you're fired." S "Yes sir. Looking forward to that."

S4 E3 - Sam "Ronon, where are your friends?" R "They're right here. Let's go home."

S4 E17 - Teal'c "I must admit, I am partial to the tator tots."

S5 E6 - S "You're stuck with me Rodney"

S5 E14 - M "it's a long shot at best." S "Perfect. What do you need? 15 minutes?"

(I'd love to hear your favorite lines in the replies or reblogs)

[shootinwebs]

fucked up shortwrite huskerdust fic/excerpt (angel pov) because i'm all fucked up and venting some bullshit

( content warnings: mild NSFW implied, sexual abuse / angel & valentino, graphic imagined gore )

( spoilers: s1:e4 )

I thought having sex with Husk would comfort me.

But, after we'd been kissing and rubbing for a while, and he started to prepare himself to enter me, I clammed up.

I couldn't get it out of my head. Having to fake an orgasm for Val that day, having to cry out the words "I love you" at the peak of it. It made me sick to my stomach. It made every part of me tense up.

"...stop..." I gasped to Husk. My voice was so small, as I was gritting my teeth.

He heard me and backed off.

I hugged myself tightly, folding my legs against my torso.

"...I'm sorry..." I whimpered, starting to cry a little. From the humiliation of what sounds and words I'd had to force out of me with Val hours before.

"...Anything I can do for you?" Husk asked softly, zipping up his pants.

"...I... I want you to stay with me, but please don't touch me..."

Not that I ever fucking read that shit, but...

There's something in Shakespeare about how... something isn't truly the worst until you can no longer say it is. I don't know what it's really supposed to mean, but, to me... it ain't the worst until there are no words. When you can't form them in your head anymore.

There existed a number of words for it. But I didn't have the electricity running in my head enough to think them. Violated, dirtied, tormented. None of them sufficed. But whatever it was, I felt fucking that by the sounds replaying in my head. I wanted to rip my head open and gouge out my fucking brain. A shotgun in my mouth wouldn't be violent enough. I needed to stab myself over and over and over again in my fucking skull and mangle the grey matter and then fucking stomp the shit out of it.

Husk noticed me trembling, and that my eyes were wide and staring at nothing. My breathing had become violent.

He moved to the edge of the bed to sit there, giving me space.

"Hey, if... If you need someone to beat the shit out of, I volunteer," Husk said.

Normally, that would've made me laugh.

But no. With how fucking furious and torn open and disgusting I felt... if I started hitting him, it would be hard for me to stop.

I was scared of how violently enraged I was.

I held my head with my hands pressed over my ears, as if in a feeble attempt to keep the sounds of my own voice in my ineffable memory away.

And a noise came out of me like a low growl. I needed to scream. But it wouldn't come out; I had to build it up.

I kept forcing my voice out, until I was indeed screaming, at the top of my lungs.

I couldn't stop.

Some seconds into it, I felt a soft pressure enclose me.

It wasn't Husk. I would have instinctively gored anyone with my bare hands if they touched me.

When I lost my voice and couldn't scream anymore, and was just a trembling mess with tears running down my face, I noticed it was layers of weighted blankets on top of me.

Husk was still there, at the foot of the bed. Just to be there. Keeping his hands to himself, not trying to console me with empty, hopeless words.

I loved him for it. That way he had of never forcing me to talk about anything, never hugging me if I didn't want it, and most of all, his understanding that, in my circumstances, there were no uplifting words.

He understood and respected the hopelessness of it all. The lost cause.

He knew any "it'll be okay" bullshit would infuriate me, or make me physically ill at best.

He made me feel safe.

Loved.

Known.

I wanted to tell him I loved him, in that moment.

But the phrase had been tarnished.

So I just said his name instead.

"...Hassan..." I whimpered his real name in a painful rasp.

"Yes, baby?"

I just said it again.

And he understood.

[hazbinarchives]

Masquerade (Hide Your Face So The World Will Never Find You)

Characters: Angel Dust, Charlie Warnings: panic attacks, mention of violence and abuse, abusive relationships Ship(s): briefly mentioned Chaggie (charlie x vaggie), implied HuskerDust (angel dust x husker) Set: S1 E4 Tags: soft, charlie/angel friendship, abuse, hurt/comfort, pre-huskerdust, established chaggie Words: 1805 ❂~❂~❂~❂~❂~❂~❂~❂~❂~❂~❂

Angel had known it would be a rough day from the moment he had woken up that morning. Val had already been giving him shit for the past week since he moved into the hotel and hearing the constant love bombing and death threats were starting to get tiring.

An emergency shoot was the last thing he needed on his plate.

Then, of course, there was Charlie.

There was something so utterly terrifying about seeing Charlie in Valentino's studio. The way she looked around so innocently clashed violently with the naked bodies walking around and the smell of cigars and booze.

Angel felt his body move almost as if on autopilot. He was shoving the demon pinning him to the bed and scrambling to grab his robe, Angel's eyes seeming stuck on Charlie.

All he knew was that he desperately needed to get to Charlie before Val did.

Angel snatched Charlie's wrist as soon as she was within reach, looking around in a blind panic.

"What in the ever-loving-fuck are you doing here?!"

"I am the Princess of Hell, Angel! And I will go where I please!" Charlie had said in a snooty royal accent. Angel, who normally loved her antics though he'd never show, could feel his eye twitch and his heart race as he tried to usher her out of the studio. "I'm here to get you some time off for the hotel. Now where's your boss?"

Of fucking course.

Angel took a shuddering breath, pulling Charlie back to where she entered from.

"You are going nowhere near Val--"

The thought of her this close to Valentino made Angel feel physically ill. He could throw up. Probably would later. He just needed to get Charlie out of there.

But then again, when has Angel ever gotten anything he wanted.

Val was as impatient as ever and soon locked eyes on the princess.

Angel's breathing picked up and he felt something sharp and angry claw through his rib cage. Fear was choking him so viscerally as Val swooped close and examined Charlie like he was checking her quality.

Angel winced, anger pricking inside as Val's tongue slithered along Charlie's arm in place of a greeting like a fucking normal person.

"I just wanted to come to aggressively kindly talk to you about Angel--" Charlie had started and Angel flailed, not even sure if he was breathing at this point. "Later! Of course. I wouldn't wanna stand in the way of your work!"

Angel froze as Valentino turned to face him, feeling ice drip into his veins at the rage simmering off of the overlord. No one was allowed to get in the way of Valentino's work, Angel knew he had killed for less.

But...Val didn't do anything. He just went back to directing.

Still, Angel didn't breathe.

And it only got worse and worse.

Charlie was just trying to be helpful and Angel knew that but she always got into things she had no business being a part of. She never should have been here, she never should have gotten on Val's radar.

Angel felt his lungs seize and he was forced to inhale, a wave of dizziness washing over him. Val's red glow was intimidating as he dissipated all the fire Charlie's clumsiness caused.

"Angel~ Can I see you in your dressing room for a moment?" Valentino was already walking towards Angel's room and Angel was hot on his heels, not even able to give Charlie a second glance.

Fear rippled through him as words spilled from his lips hoping to explain.

Of course, Valentino didn't want to hear his explanations. He just wanted another guarantee that Angel's body and soul were whole-heartedly his. It was a sickening gesture of something that should feel intimate.

Angel could hear his heart pounding in his ears as an electric buzzing flooded into his limbs making it hard to resist Valentino tossing him about, all he could think of was getting Charlie out of there.

"Look, V-Val, she just gets involved in everything. I-I'll tell her to leave! Just don't hurt her..."

Valentino acting violently in response wasn't out of the ordinary. Keep Charlie safe was running on repeat in his head. Angel knew how to get her out.

He grunted as he was tossed to the bed and his heart ached fiercely at her justified anger but Angel had to do what he could to keep her safe. He needed her to be safe

"You actually wanna help me? Get the fuck outta here right now...and let me finish my work."

Angel felt his aching heart crack as Charlie's eyes filled with tears. He stayed unempathetic to her. He couldn't risk faltering or it would put them both in danger.

When Charlie ran out the doors, sobbing, it took everything within Angel not to cry as well.

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so sorry Charlie

It wasn't until after arguing and making up with Husker that Angel remembered how he and Charlie left off. They had walked into the hotel talking and laughing after the whole fight outside the bar when he saw Charlie heading up the stairs

She had looked down and spotted him, eye contact freezing them both in place. Charlie was the one to break it first, looking away before giving them both a wave and turning back up the stairs.

Angel watched her go, chest suddenly full of an overwhelming ache.

"You gonna go talk to her?"

Angel blinked and saw Vaggie leaning against the bottom staircase column.

"Isn't checking on the princess your job as her girlfriend or some shit?" Angel tried to play it off, rubbing a hand across the bridge of his nose.

"Yeah, it is," Vaggie agreed. "But, I feel like you both could use a friend right now instead."

Angel stared at the ground, his hand flexing as Vaggie and Husk seemed to watch him. It didn't make him want to cringe and hide though. It didn't make him feel scared like he does with Val. He felt safe.

"I wouldn't go that far," Angel coughed, stepping up the first few steps. "I have to check on Fat Nuggets anyway. Might as well see if Her Majesty is okay. Raincheck on those drinks?"

Husk winked and headed to his bar, whistling with a little hop to his step which made Angel smile fondly.

He quickly shook himself out of it, ignoring Vaggie's knowing gaze, and walked very pointedly up to his bedroom first. Angel did actually have to check on his little piggy and grabbed a good amount of lettuce and some apple slices as well before scooping up Nuggets and heading to Charlie's room.

It was empty because of course it was empty.

Angel groaned and scratched Nuggets under his chin, walking up the stairs till he reached a dead-end hallway. It did, however, have a pull-down ladder from the ceiling that led to a little platform on the roof of the hotel. The ladder was already down which gave Angel hope that he had found Charlie.

He climbed the ladder and peeked his head up outside. Sure enough, Charlie was on the roof, watching the Pentagram as the sky's magenta started to turn to a dark plum color.

Fat Nuggets squealed happily as he saw Charlie and wiggled out of Angel's arms to run up to Charlie and give her a nuzzle.

Charlie jumped in surprise before cooing at Nuggets, giving his little head scritches. She turned and gave Angel a small, gentle smile as he climbed up and sat beside her on the roof, also watching the transition into Hell's Night.

"I'm sorry I made things hard for you at work today," Charlie spoke softly, almost like she was telling him a secret. "Something didn't feel right when you answered the phone. You didn't look like you wanted to go. I just...I wanted to make sure you were okay."

Angel stared at Charlie half in awe at her big heart and half in fond exasperation.

"Charlie," He started, sighing. "My mess with Val? That's my mess, okay? It's not ideal but I'm working it out. It won't be like this forever."

Charlie sighed and leaned her head against Angel's shoulder. He froze in place, eyes wide and panicked as he looked down at her. Vaggie wasn't here so he didn't know what to do. He bit his lip before slowly reaching down and patting Charlie's head.

Angel didn't know how long they sat there, himself running his fingers through her blonde hair and Charlie leaning against Angel, her soft breathing and at-ease body language, as they fed Nuggets his dinner, showed him how much she truly trusted him.

He smiled down at her, feeling truly accepted by someone for the first time in a long time and now twice in one night. Angel knew he didn't want to disappoint her and felt that he truly had something to work towards getting out of his deal.

"Come on, Char," Angel soothed, his arms helping her sit up while two others picked up Fat Nuggets and tucked him against his side. "Time for bed."

Charlie whined at him, nuzzling into Angel's fluffy chest causing him to chuckle and scoop her up with his available arms.

Carefully, with his precious cargo, Angel made his way down the ladder. Vaggie was waiting at the bottom with a fond, knowing look in her eyes.

"She got you too," Vaggie teased him as Angel gently transferred Charlie into her partner's loving arms.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Angel scoffed, not able to stop the soft look on his face as Charlie snuggled into Vaggie, continuing to sleep. "How does she care so much?"

"I wish I knew," Vaggie chuckled, starting to head to their bedroom. "But she has plenty of love to give. You're her best friend, Angel. Never be afraid to reach out to us for help."

"Us?"

Vaggie paused at their door, turning her head to look at him. "I trust you with her, Angel. You are my friend too. If you need help, I am here."

Angel felt the stinging of his eyes and quickly looked away. It has been such a long time since he's had someone to rely on. Something that wasn't a substance but a person who genuinely wanted to see his improvement.

Angel walked into his own room, collapsing onto the bed with Fat Nuggets beside him, his body aching from all the work and abuse Val put him through. He curled up, facing his dresser where a picture of him and Cherri was tucked in the mirror. The other side had a picture from Sir Pen's first day that Angel secretly snatched.

What could he say? He loved his little family.

This time, they love him too.

[morsesnotes]

Russ Lewis on that scene in Confection

Damian Barcroft: Endeavour lost his father, Cyril, in HOME (S1:E4) but they had a troubled relationship and unlike two little boys I know extremely well, he wasn’t fortunate in having a special bond with his grandfather. However, he did have Thursday and that family unit of Fred, Win, Joan and Sam represented the happy home that Endeavour never had. Throughout series 6 Endeavour is ‘sickened’ by an ‘unrecognisable’ Thursday, never more so when he sees him drinking and smoking (a cigarette!) at the Indian restaurant with the Droogs. Endeavour suppresses the evidence in the suitcase that would have implicated Thursday in the conviction and hanging of the wrong man in the Clemence case at the beginning of series 6 – would he have done the same by the end of film 3 or the beginning of 4?

Russ Lewis: Yes – I don’t think their friendship is thrown away as quickly or easily as that. Thursday in his way is punishing himself for Fancy. He hates himself because he blames himself for Fancy’s death – every bit as much as Endeavour blames himself — and I think the temptation with Box has to be viewed through that lens. It’s an act of self-harm. Almost as if he wants to be caught and punished for something. Anything that will bring an end to his torment.

The cigarette… He’s also feeling like yesterday’s man, and – I think you asked me in an earlier Q&A about why he puts away his pipe after glancing through to Box and Jago. Well — they’re the coming men – younger, The Sweeney in waiting… and they’re all on the tabs. Thursday suddenly feels his pipe is perhaps old fashioned. If he’s going to run with this mob, he’d better start fitting in. But I don’t think Endeavour gives up on him – or ever would entirely. There’s too much between them.

Endeavour is hurt and confused by Thursday’s uncharacteristic behaviour. Rog was adamant that he didn’t want Thursday’s crossing of the line to be a ruse or a wheeze – a wink to the audience – in order to get the bad guys – which is probably the line I would have erred towards. But it was just as important to me that he came to his senses of his own will.

-- The Endeavour Interviews 2020: Russ Lewis Part III

[babymockers]

I was going through my drafts the other day when I found this, written in the peak of my Graham Coxon obsession, a couple of years ago. Since it's so long, I had to cut this story into two parts (I was very creative 🙄).

I don’t know why I’m sharing this, but enjoy!

"I can’t see what you see in me"

Graham Coxon x female reader.

Prompt: Graham was having a really hard time with himself during a photoshoot and you had a great idea to cheer him up. Heavily inspired by Blair and Serena stealing Eleanor Waldorf's clothing line clothes on Gossip Girl (s1, e4).

Place/time: during the late 90's.

Reader description: reader is a French model trying to make herself a name in the industry, while being reduced to be in her boyfriend's shadow.

Fluff.

Part 1.

Graham was alone.

He was sitting on his stupid chair, drinking tea from his stupid cup, feeling even more stupid than he did before.

Now, for the amateur eye, he didn't seem that much alone. He was surrounded by people: make up artists, stylists, cameras, all that stuff. But he was, in fact, alone. Alone and bored.

Also, it was a terribly cold winter and a storm was probably coming at any time while they were stuck there working outdoors in a park.

So he was falling asleep on his stupid chair. Again.

Suddenly, he heard an excited voice calling his name, a voice that he knew a little too well from the person that he loved the most.

"Graham!" you shouted and he quicky turned his body towards the direction of the sound, standing up. You ran onto his arms and hugged him tightly making him almost lost balance. Even though he was surprised, his arms reached out for your body instinctively.

Still in his arms, you took his face with your soft hands and placed a sweet kiss onto his lips, him melting at the touch.

Alex, sitting next to that romantic scene, looked at you with genuine curiosity, trying to make something of your face. Wondering if you two have met before.

The truth was: you haven't. It may have sounded strange considering that in the past couple of months, you had been omnipresent-like to the Blur guys. Your name was always there, filling not only the empty spaces of the rehearsals but filling Graham's mind completely. You were present whole-heartedly in Graham's dreamy smiles and little giggles that came out of nowhere and in every new song that came with a dumb look of im-so-in-love. Present in the purple-ish marks on Graham's neck or like a stolen kiss from his plumped lips. Present in Damon's laugh every time he made fun of his best friend's infatuation but secretely holding an enormous respect for you that made him feel almost rotten to jealousy. "He doesn't need me anymore. He's got Y/N now. She'll take care of him" Damon used to say. But he didn't meant it. Not really.

You were great, the best one Graham ever had. The other ones were either boring or pretentious cunts, in the singer's own words. But he couldn't help to feel overprotective towards his best friend and he would be lying if he said he didn't feel a bit jealous of the fact that Graham was so in love with you.

Damon loved attention. And Graham's attention was like crack because it was hard to make him interested in someone for real.

And the other times, you were there in body and soul, sitting in a corner taking pictures of whatever you founded interesting enough or simply hanging out.

So it was really weird for Alex to not have met you yet. Sure he heard the name, but Graham had been smart enough to make Alex and you not cross any paths. He knew Alex too well to trust him.

Dave chuckled and wolf-whistled, making Graham's cheeks turn red and he separated his lips from yours, unable to hide the big smile plastered on his face.

He never had anyone loving him like you do. So intense and passionate, so caring and gentle like a little child, rushing into his arms and calling his name for the whole town to hear it. Making him feel special, wanted. You could have anyone but, and here's the big but, you wanted him. And proudly so, as you always said.

"W-what are you doing here? I thought you weren't in England" He asked in confusion.

Your smile turned into a frown "And I thought you'd be happy to see me...”

"No, no. Please don't get me wrong. I'm just confused. I mean..." He started to panic.

You cut him off with a big smile "I'm joking, Gra. Turns out i don't have to work this couple of days because the collection got ruined by the rain and the photoshoot had to be rescheduled. The CEO was so angry, you should've seen him. He treated us very badly and that left me feeling sick to my stomach. So I remembered you were having a photoshoot here and I took the plane and well... I got an impulse. It's okay, right? I won't bother you. Just here for moral support" You said in a rush. "Oh, hi Dave". Dave waved his hand. Then you turned to Alex "I believe we haven't met yet. I'm Y/ N". You offered him your hand. "Alex, right? Heard lots of things about you".

He took your hand and gently placed a kiss on it "Good things I hope. So you're the famous Y/N". He turned to Dave but shot a quick look towards Graham, who was eyeing carefully at the exchange that was occurring in front of him, looking quite uneasy. "I must say I never expected that our little Graham was shagging such a pretty bird. Where are you from, Love? You've got a lovely accent". Graham tensed.

The awkwardness of the situation was only intensified by him pointing out your accent. You knew Alex didn't mean any harm, but that didn't sooth the rage in Graham's throat.

You've been officially named "Graham Coxon's New French Girlfriend" by the media and while you've told Graham so many times that it was a honor to be his girlfriend, he knew you were more than that stupid title. After all, you had a career of your own. You coincidentally met him at an event and now you've been living together in England for almost a year. But it just sort of happened. It wasn't your problem the media became obsessed with you.

And also you really wanted to get rid of the accent.

You opened your mouth to say something but before anything came out, Graham spoke in a condescending tone:

"She's french, Alex. You should know since you seem to get along so well with the french gals".

"Well... Alex begun.

"Where's Damon? I thought this was a group photoshoot" you interrumpted him trying to distract the tension away.

As if summoned, Damon appeared with a lopsided grin, always in his very own world. He kissed your cheek in a scandalous way and put his arm around Graham, although his best triend didn't even look at him. He was too busy shooting Alex with his gaze.

"Graham, it's fucking cold out here, put something on, mate. Jesus, you look like you're going to kill someone and I'm not in the "hiding a corpse" mood" Damon said completely oblivious to the fact that he was the one wearing only a suit and Graham was wearing a big jacket. Classic Damon. Then, he continued: "Well, the photographer, that bastard, just said he needed both of us, Alex, in front of the camera 'cause, I quote him: "Alex could make the suit work 'cause he's a good looking fella". I told him he could kiss my ass or my face, whatever. I quite fancy him. But not like I fancy you, Graham" He said battling his lashes, kissing Graham's temple. "You look sexy when you're angry. Love it".

Alex rolled his eyes, tired, and grinned at Graham

"Don't be mad at me, you twat. I was joking". Then he said to you: "Nice meeting ya, doll".

"Careful there, Alex. He's not playing around when Y/N is involved. Quite jealous he is" Damon laughed before the two of them started walking towards the photographer, who was already waiting for them. Damon rushed onto him, giving him a kiss on the cheeks.

You laughed at his childish behavior.

Dave patted Graham's shoulders and excused himself before making his way towards the improvised trailer the team managed to put together.

Graham lit up another cigarette letting the nicotine calm his burning insides and peered over the working crew to see Damon and Alex both wearing 1930's suits and posing as camera flashes exploded in their faces. He sat in a little bench, you by his side: "They look great. I didn't look as great as them".

You took his hand in yours. "You okay?"

"What is it like?" He said after a moment of silence, not looking at you but somehow giving you all his attention. "To be a model, you know. To have all of those people looking at you and telling you to make faces or something".

"Well, it's definitely not as fun as it may look. I used to think that it would be easy, that you only needed to be pretty and you'd be fine. But it's exhausting, actually". You smiled sadly "I often think l'd be better behind the cameras, being the one taking pictures”.

"You took some lovely pictures the other day..."

You smiled. "And how's it like being a rockstar?".

"Don't let Damon hear you say that. He says Blur's not a rock band. I say Blur's whatever the fuck Blur wants to be". He laughed humorless.

"And what does Blur want to be?" You asked.

"I'm not quite sure. Probably not a rock band".

You both laughed.

You moved your body closer to him. "And what does Graham wants to be?"

"I don't know. He certainly would prefer staying in bed cuddled up with you. Take me away from this big bad world and agree to marry me". He said while he leaned back on the bench, resting his head on your lap and putting your hand on his head, practically forcing you to stroke his hair.

You giggled "Mmm... You just made that up?" He nodded. “It sounded like a song". You said while he looked up at you with a sly smile. You leaned in and kissed his forehead as you started: "Alex..."

He interrupted you: "Alex is a bastard, you should know that. He's far up his arse and thinks he's got the right to do anything 'cause he's sexy or whatever. It doesn't sit right with me sometimes. Let's forget about him". You nodded.

A couple of minutes went by with none of you talking and you thought he was falling asleep. You loved watching him sleep. It was like all the darkness there inside of him left his body and he was finally at peace with himself. Then he broke the silence: "Do you find him a handsome bloke?"

You struggled, trying to find the right words "He's alright. Big egos aren't really my thing, though. I think you're way more handsome than him".

He frowned "You can't possibly think that. It doesn't take too much to see that Alex and Damon are more attractive than me. I'm awkward and too self conscious. They're the handsome ones. They could "sell the product". And I-I-I'm not, you see? I don't sell the product. I’d probably won't look half as great as them in those ridiculous 1930's suits. I don't sell what Blur wants to be. Fuck, I don't even sell myself. I'm just here...”

You took his hand in yours, leaving a kiss in it "I think you're all those things you said about them. You're there being yourself with all your flaws and strenghts. And I think that's beautiful about you. You don't need to sell the product because there's no product at all. You're Graham Coxon, not the guitarist or the guy from Blur. You're the person and you're the most attractive to me because you feel and you love in a way that none of them do". You looked at his eyes intensely. "And you also look quite sexy when you're jealous, Damon's right, I must say”. You added, trying to relieve the tension on his shoulders.

He gasped, pretending to be offended "I wasn't jealous".

"Sure you weren't" You said mockingly causing him to laugh.

Then he went silent again.

He sighed "I just can't see what you see in me".

You looked at him. The tenderness in his factions. His big brown eyes full of the melancholic feeling that consumed him daily.

You just knew he was more than enough. You knew since the first time you met him. He was incapable of holding your gaze yet somehow he managed to got you blushing all night. He didn't knew a single word of French yet you understood him so well. You communicated through your souls. Words were unnecessary.

Graham, so fragile and so broken. Yet, he put together the broken pieces of yourself, the ones left bruised. Now you were glowing, sparkling.

You wanted to do the same for him.

.

Part 2 here

[gaypainsequalgainsamiright]

Can I just talk about how I went from ‘why the fuck would Ed ever put up with Izzy’ to ‘wow I fucking want one’ because I feel like it’s important.

Picture Ed in his teens or twenties, being put through it on some other captain’s ship, but also feeling freedom and power and a camaraderie with his crew mates that he’s never had before. Ed has clearly got a knack for this whole pirating thing, he gets the attention of others who praise him for it, who look up to him, and suddenly now, he’s got a purpose.

He spends a night looking up at the stars and deciding who he’s going to be—Blackbeard, the dread pirate, captaining the most notorious crew on the Seven Seas.

He knows that he isn’t Blackbeard, he isn’t who he wants to present himself as. After all, Blackbeard should be happy to kill, should revel in being a ruthless villain. And Ed is smart. So what does he do? He surrounds himself with people who push him into character, even when he’s exhausted, even when he’s fucking terrified. He has one goal, to have the world see him the way he envisions, and critical to achieving that is having someone by his side who understands his vision and wants it as much as Ed does. And that someone is Izzy.

Cut to 20+ years later. Ed is fucking exhausted of playing this character. It isn’t what he wants anymore, but it’s also the only way he knows how to be impressive, important, the only way he feels worthy of attention and love. But Izzy has always played the role of the manager, has always been there to push Ed into character regardless of what Ed felt about it because that’s what Ed loved him for, that’s why Ed has always needed him. And Izzy is still operating like that, because that’s what he’s always done, and because Blackbeard is important to him. He may even be completely aware that Ed is sick of it, but he doesn’t want to lose the Blackbeard that he’s looked up to and loved for decades.

He loves Ed, he loves Blackbeard, but he’s not so sure Ed will keep him around if he doesn’t need him. And Ed doesn’t need him if Ed doesn’t want to be Blackbeard anymore.

But despite not wanting it, Ed still feels like he needs to be Blackbeard at the beginning of s1. So of course he would fight to keep Izzy around, of course he goes and makes sure Izzy doesn’t leave after their argument in e4, of course he says he’s gonna kill Stede even though he doesn’t want to. Because without Izzy there is no Blackbeard. Without Izzy keeping him in check, there’s just Ed. And at that point Ed still believes that he needs to present as Blackbeard to be impressive and worthy.

A few episodes later, some crying in a bathtub, and that belief has been throw out the window by this magical soft man who wants to be Ed’s friend and tells him he wears fine things well.

Which is precisely why Ed DOES let Izzy leave after his duel with Stede. (Which he then feels very weird about because not being pushed into being Blackbeard feels uncomfortable and strange and new, so of course he’s a little off, and when Calico Jack comes along of COURSE he swings back into character because even if just being Ed is good for him it’s also fking scary and new.)

The heartbreaking thing is that Ed could’ve held on if Izzy hadn’t pushed him. Because it wasn’t Stede not being there that was the confirmation of Ed’s long-held belief that he isn’t actually worthy of anything if he’s not being Blackbeard. It was Izzy. Izzy, doing the same old pushing Ed to be Blackbeard when for Ed, everything has changed. Because Ed’s been given a taste of a world where to he doesn’t have to be Blackbeard to feel worthy. And Izzy pushing like he always has is a painful, bitter confirmation that that world doesn’t not exist, was never actually real, that he isn’t he allowed to be vulnerable, he isn’t allowed to be just Ed.

[ravenousgoblin]

Was brushing up on some stuff about Lark and Sparrow bc I like pain

Spoilers below for both seasons

In S1 E4, sparrow asks lark if he trusts him. Lark responds: “…Til the end.” This is sweet for so many reasons. Lark and sparrow are the besties, they’re the cute twin brothers!!! But from this fight forward, the dynamic between lark and sparrow changes. It changes mostly when Henry draws from the deck, but it changes here as well

Despite sparrow still being rowdy through the campaign, lark is always more rowdy, because of sparrow and Henry’s interaction and the whole love wolf situation. Lark was left in that dungeon and very well could have died there, thankfully not though.

As the campaign goes we see Lark get more and more cross with Henry, much to Henry’s dismay, he even blamed walters loss of legs on Henry. Now, despite lark’s anger with Henry, it’s clear he still very much loves his brother, even when they’re in the kitchen at the end and Lark spills the blood of the unsung hero, and the fact that after everything, lark and sparrow are still by each other’s side, even after the fact that lark slept with Rebecca.

But I’ve been thinking…lark doesn’t hesitate to tell sparrow that he trusts him “til the end”. Taking into consideration how close they are at this point in time, we can only assume that sparrow would have the same response. I have to wonder if after that, after almost dying in the rubble after he stayed in the dungeon and after sparrow going through his love wolf philosophy, did that answer ever change? I like to think it didn’t. I think lark will always trust sparrow, always believe that sparrow will be there for him and be on his side…

But how does sparrow feel after all these years? They were the closest boys in all of the world, twin blades who could do anything as long as they were together. But then he changed. Sparrow wanted to be a love wolf and lark was still lark. He didn’t get the love wolf talk, and even then, would things have been different? Who knows? But witnessing lark become angrier and angrier, especially toward their father…I imagine it would have to spark some sort of response, especially on how he would feel he stands with his brother. When lark stabs Henry, I cannot possibly imagine how sparrow was feeling. Lark and sparrow trust each other, they’re ride or die…but lark just stabbed their dad! That’s a very brutal and shocking thing to do.

Lark also sleeps with Rebecca while her and sparrow were still engaged. Sparrow KNOWS this. And it’s clear from when he says “unless lark is your dad” that sparrow is still upset about this, that he’s still so insecure about it, because they never talked about it, due to the awkwardness mentioned by lark. Sparrow still wants to be the peacekeeper, the love wolf. But these things have, again, caused deep rooted insecurity, self doubt, he’s kept all this shit down because he just wants things to be okay.

How does sparrow feel? I have to assume that sparrow loved and trusted Lark “til the end” all the way back before the rogue card came up, or the love wolf if we wanna reach like I have. But can sparrow honestly say that he still trusts lark “til the end”? After the betrayals? My heart wants to say yes, but honestly…I don’t know. I wouldn’t.

[illogicalines]

Fresh off the last two episodes there is so much to say and I can’t even begin to process what’s going on with Izzy and Ed and Stede but what’s interesting is that it really slipped past me how quickly we‘ve been losing crew members on the Revenge. Let’s just go through one by one—

Five minutes into s2 and we lose the Swede to Spanish Jackie, and as proven in that episode and in s2e7 he is fully committed to her. No big deal though, the Swede was never a huge player on the ship and he seems much happier with Jackie anyways.

We also lose Ivan in the first episode, but again— never a huge player on the ship. He was always more Blackbeard’s crew than Stede’s, and while maybe that could’ve changed we’ll never really know.

Then our first major hit— Buttons in e4. Honestly his departure definitely felt odd to me, but it’s been more or less confirmed (?) that this was his goodbye, at least for the season. Buttons is one of the characters that really made the show what it is back in s1, and as Stede’s first mate this is definitely a blow, even if Stede himself doesn’t seem all that bothered.

Lucius and Pete get engaged at the end of s2e5 and while it seems like they’re sticking with the crew for now, the setup is definitely there for them to leave the ship at some point. Neither of them are particularly good at the whole pirating thing, and at this point seem to have mostly stuck around for the relationships they’ve formed with the crew. For now I’d count them as iffy.

Ed leaves, completely cuts ties with Stede and the Revenge and pirating as a whole. He’s done, he’s going to live as a fisherman now. We know he’ll end up coming back, but for now, he’s gone. And even when he does come back, will he ever be satisfied living on the Revenge as a pirate?

That leaves us then with: Frenchie, Roach, Wee John, Fang, and Izzy, the only crew members that haven’t shown any desire to leave. Our cast has been getting smaller and smaller right under our noses— the family is slowly growing apart, moving on. Nothing can last forever, and I think it’s very likely that the season will end with the crew disbanding completely and going their separate ways.

What really makes me certain is that everyone is leaving of their own volition, and everyone is leaving to find new happiness elsewhere. The Swede with Jackie, Buttons as a bird, Lucius and Pete together, Oluwande, Jim, and Archie with Zheng. Bar maybe Ed, everyone has just moved on from their time on the Revenge, and as bittersweet as it is, I’m so, so excited to see what happens next for these characters and I really can’t wait to see how this is all resolved in the finale.

[sihaya74]

NEW The Lessons of Bryan Fuller's Hannibal S1:E4 -- FAMILY DON'T END WITH BREAKFAST

Lessons of Bryan Fuller’s Hannibal

S1:E4 – FAMILY DON’T END WITH BREAKFAST

And so dear friends and #FannibalFamily, we have arrived at S1:E4 of Bryan Fuller’s Hannibal, the episode titled “Oeuf.” And I just have to say it, and I’m sorry if this offends anyone, but I have always thought that oeuf is a weird-looking word. There. I said it.

            It’s not necessarily the combo of the three vowels all in a row. We have lots of those in English. I think it’s the ‘o’ followed by the ‘e.’ Whenever I see an “oe” combo at the beginning of a word, my mind immediately goes to the Greek tragic hero, King Oedipus, father slayer, mother lover, and poor, eyeless guy that he was. And then I think of Freud’s “Oedipus complex,” his now mostly debunked theory that all children, namely male ones, go through a stage in childhood in which they sexually desire their mother and develop an antagonistic attitude toward their father. Freud theorized that if parents were loving and not abusive, children would eventually exit this phase. Karl Jung coined the term “Electra complex” in which the theory applied to female children experiencing the same feelings about their fathers.

            It is funny of course that my brain has led me here because the events of “Oeuf” do indeed have to do with family – with mothers and fathers. Boys that have one mother too many, grown men that had mostly none, and a confused teenage girl who now has lost a mother and must contend with the memory of one dead father and the expectations of two live ones.

            They do so much to us – mothers and fathers. Good and bad. The sheer pressure of the idea often makes me glad I never had children. I can be content that the only person I have the power to mess up is myself. Hallelujah.

            An oeuf is an egg. The first three episodes of Hannibal were: “Apéritif,” “Amuse-Bouche,” and “Potage.” So, at this point, we have had an appetizer and a cocktail and a bit of hearty soup. And now out of nowhere – EGGS! In doing research, webpages about French cuisine informed me that the oeuf course is not typically included in a dinner menu. EXCEPT for this episode of Fuller’s show, in which Hannibal prepares breakfast for dinner, which is, in my opinion, one of the greatest traditions ever created. I eat breakfast for dinner quite often. It gives one a little bit of comfort at the end of the day, especially if the day was sad or rough or long. Yeah, your boss yelled at you and you slipped and fell in the parking lot and scraped your knees and there’s nothing good on TV tonight, but DAMMIT, you can have pancakes.

            Hell... Now I want pancakes…

            Anyway, it was sage Ron Swanson who said, “There has never been a sadness that can’t be cured by breakfast food” (Freedman). And even in an episode of a show about a cannibal psychiatrist and his obsession with a twitchy, beautiful FBI agent, breakfast comes through in the clutch yet again. More about that later…

            The title of this episode is also very apropos because eggs are symbolic in and of themselves. In each episode of Hannibal, a symbol emerges. In S1:E1, it was the MONGOOSE. In S1: E2, the MUSHROOM. In S1:E3, BOATS. Eggs are symbolic of fertility, abundance, birth, and rebirth. In this episode, we see the birthing of an important thing – a FAMILY. Fertilization occurred in the Hobbs’ kitchen in “Apéritif.” The insemination was messy and violent, but the result was the same. By Episode Four, it is time for nest-building. And we know exactly which bastard would be best at that, beautiful bird that he is.

            “Oeuf” was written solo by Jennifer Schuur (Big Love, The Catch). Undoubtedly, she is the namesake of poor Marissa Schuur, who wound up impaled on a rack of stag’s antlers in “Potage.” Personally, I think having a character named after you in an episode of one of Fuller’s shows an amazing and beautiful tribute. If it happened to me, I would probably stop people on the street to tell them about it. The episode was directed by Peter Medak (who has directed so many things I can’t even list them, but I just want to say that he directed Zorro: The Gay Blade which means that he is a true gift to the world forever.)

            Schuur wrote an absolutely masterful episode here. The overarching theme of FAMILY is cultivated through all five acts of the script. She shows us three separate families all developing and growing at the same time. They are:

Eva’s family of Lost Boys

The BAU family with Jack as the domineering father

The Murder Family – Abigail and her two beautiful, confusing dads

In every act of this story there is a part of our lesson – a bud, a leaf, a root – that ultimately bursts into full flower at the end of the episode. Sorry, I cannot extend the egg motif to this. Birds build nests in trees – Eva, Jack, and Hannibal all build different kinds of nests. One of them is sundered by the end.

The theme of family is introduced right away with Will sitting at the Turner family table, amidst the remains of a rotting family meal and the rotting remains of the family itself. Again, we see the pendulum swing – we see the decriminalization of the scene as Will views it in his mind. I believe this is one of the best set pieces of Fuller’s adaptation of Harris’ work. The pendulum swing, which signals to the viewer that the murder scene we are observing is about to be literally rewound and undone, is very effective. The image of the pendulum is taken directly from Harris’ Red Dragon. In the beginning of the novel, when Will is alone at the Leeds’ crime scene, Harris says, “In his mind, a silver pendulum swung in darkness. He waited until the pendulum was still” (11). In Fuller’s version, once the pendulum is still, the scene has been deconstructed and Will enters as the killer, metaphorically walking in the suspect’s steps and murdering with the suspect’s hands. It is one of my favorite parts of the series. Will ends every decriminalization with the phrase, “This is my design,” and I must say, it always gives me goosebumps.

            The Turner family has been killed by someone they knew, someone known and also short. The image of blood splattered all over the family portraits on the wall speaks to the theme of the episode and to the larger, real world concept of family. So much blood shed in families, by families, and for families in this world. Even if no one else has ever seen you bleed, your family has. It really can’t get more intimate than that.

            A bit of a thirsty sidenote here: during the murder recreation, Will points at the Turner daughter and commands her to “eat her growing foods” or forfeit dessert (Schuur 2). This is unbearably hot and a perfect example of Daddy Will in action. There is a continuing light-hearted disagreement amongst Fannibals whether Will is “Daddy” or “Baby,” to which I answer “YES.” To Will Graham stans like me, he is all things. He’s every woman; it’s all in him.

            After Will has recreated the murders, Jack enters the scene and the following bit of dialogue occurs:

            JACK CRAWFORD: What do you see, Will?

            WILL GRAHAM: Family values.

            JACK CRAWFORD: Whose family values?

The viewer can detect the note of cynicism here in both Will and Jack’s assessment of the scene. I often imagine that if Will had answered Jack’s question, he would have said something like “America’s.” In Fuller’s show, the true killing floor of the American family is laid bare just as David Lynch does in Twin Peaks. The horror isn’t at the movies, folks. It lives next door – it works at your local car dealership – it sits next to you in the pew at church.

            In the next scene, we cut to Will’s comfy Wolf Trap home, where Hannibal Lecter ascends the porch, enters through the front door, and begins feeding links of suspicious sausage to Will’s dogs. The script doesn’t indicate that the sausage is made of human flesh, but considering that later in this episode Hannibal feeds Jack boudin made from “rabbit,” (a very clumsy one in a plaid jacket we see being chased through the woods), I think it’s safe to guess that Hannibal made a lot of “rabbit” sausage.

            Hannibal then begins exploring Will’s home. This scene always feels to me like an animal marking its territory. I am a cat owner and I can tell you that my cats have rubbed themselves all over everything I own. One of my cats even waits on the bathroom rug, so as soon as I get out of the shower, she can be the first to rub against me and deposit her scent. What can I say? The felines love me. Hannibal pokes through Will’s books, and literally roots through his underwear drawer. When Hannibal encounters the stacks of size small white t-shirts folded neatly in this drawer, I wish he had pulled one out and gave it a good sniff. Considering Hannibal’s legendary sense of smell, this would have made tons of sense. If he had, it would have been akin to the scene in Harris’ Hannibal when Dr. Lecter literally tastes Clarice. He breaks into Clarice’s Mustang, sits there breathing in her scent and then, “he leaned forward, found the leather steering wheel by scent, and put around it his curled tongue, cupping with his tongue the finger indentations on the underside of the wheel…Then he leaned back in the seat, his tongue back where it lived, and his closed mouth moved as though he savored wine” (Harris Hannibal 285). “Did you just smell me?” indeed.

            Hannibal finishes his tour of Will’s home by admiring Will’s fly-fishing lures at his worktable set up for the process. The script indicates here that Hannibal sits down at this table and ties off a salmon tie Will has been working on, with his surgeon’s precision. Then, for a seemingly whimsical purpose (Get ready, y’all – this cannibal loves WHIMSY), he pushes the barb of the lure into his thumb, draws blood, and then puts the now injured finger into his mouth. The sound of Hannibal sucking the blood off is described as a “sound not unlike a quick kiss” (Schuur 4). If this scene isn’t showcasing the start of a tempestuous romance, then I don’t know what the fuck it’s doing otherwise. Yes, this is Hannibal-style reconnaissance, but it’s possessive and lingering and it’s about love, GODDAMMIT.

            Next, in the beginning of Act One, we see Abigail and Alana at Abigail’s hospital. They are walking the grounds, discussing Abigail’s therapy. Abigail explains that she feels lost, that she is without a home. As opposed to helping her, she feels like the support groups she is in are wringing her out. Abigail concludes that most of the other patients in these groups are merely being performative and false and that this style of therapy is of no help to her. Alana listens and commiserates, but she encourages Abigail to continue trying to open up in group. Abigail’s dissatisfaction with her therapy will come up later on in the episode. Alana, bless her heart, tries her best to connect with Abigail, to serve as a confidante and a reliable adult in the young girl’s life. But considering the horrific secrets Abigail continues to harbor, the only person who can really help Abigail is Hannibal; incidentally, that is exactly the way Hannibal wants it.

            We then see Alana arriving at Dr. Lecter’s office. Over her beer and Hannibal’s wine, they discuss Abigail’s progress at the hospital. Hannibal believes that the only way Abigail will make progress is if she is removed from the hospital and re-integrated into the real world. Alana vehemently disagrees. She cautions Hannibal about trying to become Abigail’s surrogate family because to Abigail it “would only be a crutch” (Schuur 9). Hannibal relents and agrees to Alana’s therapy plan, but we see later on that this promise Hannibal makes is an empty one.

            Now, back at the Turner crime scene, the entire BAU family is in attendance – Jack, Will, Jimmy Price, Brian Zeller, and Beverly Katz. Team Sassy Science (as Fannibals refer to Price, Zeller, and Katz) are processing and preserving evidence. Jack explains to all of them that the Turner family had another son, Jesse, who went missing the year before; authorities could not determine whether Jesse was a runaway or was kidnapped.

            We see a theme of appearance versus reality unfolding in this scene. The images families portray to the world and the actual horrors underneath. Will echoes this sentiment while examining the Turner family photos. He says, “False faces in family portraits. Layers and layers of lies betrayed by a sad glint in a child’s eyes” (Schuur 10). A big sad onion, the Turner family.

            In the next scene, Schuur very pointedly pulls the theme of family forward again. The team has returned to the BAU lab at Quantico. As they work, they discuss their own families. Price, Zeller, and Katz all had siblings. Will was an only child. The description of the staging for this scene in the script says, “Jack faces Zeller, Price, Katz, and Graham. He’s like a demanding father, presiding over his children as they present what they’ve just learned at school. Will stands slightly apart, not quite fitting into this surrogate family” (Schuur 12).

            Just as Will didn’t fit into his own family, now he does not fit into his work family. In this way, Will’s plight mirrors that of Chris O’Halloran, one of the Lost Boys we meet later, who is also having trouble integrating into his new family. Mind you, Chris’ new family is a lot more murdery than Will’s, but I believe this is an important parallel. As an empath, Will does not only relate to and inhabit the feelings of the killers; he feels into the lives of the victims as well. The Lost Boys are both – killers and victims.

            Although she is a controversial figure, there are some tidbits of wisdom to be found in the work of the late self-help guru, Louise Hay. In her book You Can Heal Your Life, Hay writes, “We are all victims of victims” (99). She uses this phrasing to describe what happens in families. Parents victimize their children in the same way that they were victimized by their own parents. If these children do not make diligent attempts to avoid recreating these patterns, they will victimize their own children in the same ways. In this manner, generational trauma is created. All of the Lost Boys in this episode are victims of their surrogate mother, Eva, and her desire for love and belonging. But these boys were victimized by their own families before Eva ever showed up – that’s how Eva could get to them. Their inherited pain opened the door.

            Also, Will not fitting in with his BAU family is juxtaposed with the family that Hannibal is preparing for Will. Throughout the episode, Hannibal is laying the groundwork to fuse his family members together. The Doctor’s plans do not turn out exactly as he wants them to, but he makes impressive progress.

            At the end of the scene at the BAU, Will concludes that Jesse was involved in his own mother’s death based on the positioning of her body at the dining room table. A posture of forgiveness and acceptance is what tips Will off.

            In Act Two, there is more intense discussion of family, this time between Hannibal and Will. Will sits in the familiar leather chair in Hannibal’s very well-appointed office and Hannibal begins their session with the classic, and cliched psychiatrist’s open: “Tell me about your mother” (Schuur 15). Even though Will castigates Hannibal for the “lazy” questioning, we still find out a great deal about both Will and Hannibal’s family histories in this scene. Will never knew his mother and grew up poor, following his fisherman father around from port to port. Hannibal’s parents died when he was young; he was an orphan until his Uncle Robertas adopted him at sixteen. I should note at this point, being the insane fan that I am, Bryan intended for the person to play Hannibal’s uncle in later episodes to be David Bowie, which would have been absolutely perfect beyond reckoning. The only man on earth who has cheekbones to rival Bowie’s is Mads Mikkelsen, so selling them as actual blood family would not have been difficult in the least. We lost a lot of things when the Starman left us; this amazing opportunity was one of them. It will always be my headcanon, and that’s the best that can be done. (BTW - #BowieForever).

            Hannibal stresses that he and Will both have a lot of things in common with Abigail; their complicated relationships with family is yet another. In this exchange between the two men, an important piece of dialogue occurs that I must quote in its entirety.

            WILL GRAHAM: There’s something so foreign about family. Like an ill-fitting suit. Never connected to the concept.

            HANNIBAL: You created a family for yourself.

            WILL GRAHAM: I created a pack of strays. Thanks for feeding them while I was away…

            HANNIBAL: I was referring to Abigail Hobbs (Schuur 16).

Once again, in looking at the scripts in more detail, I am amazed at the sheer manipulation Hannibal attempts, just right out of the gate, just four episodes into Season One. Hannibal says that it is Will who has created a family with Abigail. I assume he means by killing her father. But, in fact, it is HANNIBAL who has created the family because he is the one who saved Abigail’s life. In that moment in the Hobbs’ kitchen, after Garrett Jacob Hobbs slashes his daughter’s throat, after Will shoots him ten times, after Will rushes to Abigail’s side, who is bleeding out on the floor, just a matter of minutes from death – in that moment, if Hannibal had not intervened, Abigail would have died. Will was way too upset – he was shaking life a leaf from head to toe. He looked as if he was having a panic attack, like he would pass out – his expression is terrifying as his entire body vibrates with his ragged breaths, blood splattered all over his face and his glasses. If you need just one scene from any film or TV show he has ever acted in to understand why Hugh Dancy is such a fucking amazing actor, this scene is the one.

            When Will places his hand over Abigail’s wound to stop the bleeding, he can’t apply enough pressure. He is too upset – too much blood leaks between his fingers. Behind him, Hannibal stands. Looking at his face, (more of Mads’ genius microexpressions), the viewer sees him make a conscious decision to get involved. As if his mind said aloud, “All right, I shall intervene here. I think I know how I can use this.” Use this? For what, you ask? To get Will. To get Will to spend more time with him, care for him, talk to him – perhaps, already, in feverish fantasies, he has imagined Will killing with him. Even though events often make us question whether or not Hannibal truly loves Will, he does. It’s all about Will. From “Do you have a problem with taste?” to “See? This is all I ever wanted for you, Will. For both of us,” it’s all about Will. I can’t say I blame Hannibal. If Will Graham stumbled into my life, I think it would immediately become all about him too.

            In this conversation, Hannibal is continuing his laying of groundwork. It started in the Hobbs’ kitchen – then, he stayed by Abigail’s side in the hospital. So did Will. Even when she was in her coma, the two men protected her.

            The return to Abigail’s family home in “Potage” is like a ceremonial goodbye to her old family. Her old family who was at least partially killed by her new family. This is the same as Eva is doing. Eva says to her Lost Boys later in the script, “you can only have one family” (Schuur 28A). Apparently, Hannibal believes this as well. It is astonishing how quickly he moved to build himself this new family once he made the decision. It once again proves just how intensely Hannibal was KO’d by Will at their first meeting. It also proves that the loneliness Hannibal has been experiencing since his sister Mischa’s death is becoming unbearable. In Harris’ canon, Hannibal tries to turn back time. In Fuller’s version, Hannibal creates a family from blood and violence.  

            In the next scene, we see Jack and Hannibal having a lovely dinner together in Hannibal’s royal blue dining room. Out of all the set designs in the show, I love Hannibal’s dining room the most. It reminds me of the first lines of Bowie’s “Sound and Vision” – “Blue, blue, electric blue – that’s the color of my room, where I will live – blue, blue” (“Sound and Vision – David Bowie”). Hannibal tells Jack that they are eating a boudin noir made from “rabbit,” the aforementioned plaid-jacketed one. I always find it hilarious how amused Hannibal is by feeding people meat to people without their knowledge. It’s almost penetrative. It’s so male. Hannibal will get inside you one way or the other. The two men discuss Will. Jack is concerned that the Lost Boys case is hitting Will too close to home. Hannibal suggests that Will’s life in the past is not properly anchoring him. “He needs a anchor, Jack,” Hannibal says (Schuur 19). But that anchor is not Jack. Hannibal is already Will’s paddle, he might as well be his anchor too. Hannibal is just like Will. He’s every woman. It’s all in him.

            Back at the BAU, Team Sassy Science examines more evidence from the Turner crime scene – soda cans, shoes, video game controllers. From this evidence, the team determines that there were three other boys with Jesse at the crime scene. Zeller is the one who dubs them, “The Lost Boys.” This is, of course, an apt moniker because both the Peter Pan tribe and the pack of film vampire teens are examples of created or found family. They are misfit children, all of them. Price pulls Connor Frist’s fingerprints, which will lead them to their next crime scene.

            Next, we see Jack storming into Will’s Quantico classroom and very unceremoniously dismissing his students. He tells Will about Connor Frist, who went missing ten months ago, and that Will must get ready to board a plane with the team to the Frist’s home in Huntsville (I assume Alabama.)

            Cut to the BAU team and other officers entering the Frist family home, which is all decked out for Christmas, even though it has not been the holiday season for some time. The mother, father, and two smaller Frists are all dead. A dog trots into the scene carrying a decapitated arm. You gotta give it to Fuller and all the writers on this series. The humor is darkness at its finest.

            Act Three begins back at the BAU with Team Sassy Science examining the bodies of the Frist family. They discover that one of the bodies is the Lost Boy Connor Frist himself, who was apparently shot and then his body burned in the family fireplace. Together the team theorize that Connor tried to kill his mother, but she did not die with the first shot to her head, and possibly began having a seizure, which caused Connor to panic. Because of this panic, someone taller with a larger caliber weapon dispatched both Connor’s mother and Connor himself. Down feathers found with Connor’s remains indicate that someone put a pillow under the boy’s head before he was shot. The juxtaposition of the savagery and compassion of the Frist scene befuddles Jack, but Will manages to catch the loose thread of the fabric saying of Connor’s death, “Whoever shot him… disowned him” (Schuur 26).

            Next, we see Will in Hannibal’s office again. I found myself beginning to question at this point if every time we see Will in Hannibal’s office if he is attending his therapy session or if he and Hannibal are close enough now that he just goes to Hannibal’s office whenever he needs to talk. I know his appointment time with Hannibal is 7:30 p.m., but I am unaware if it is every week or every other day or every day. (If anyone reading this knows, please comment.) Will is angry when he enters Hannibal’s office – not at Hannibal, but at himself and at the Lost Boys. He tosses down a very plain, but neatly wrapped package that he says he intended to be a gift for Abigail: “Magnifying glass. Fly tying gear,” but that he “thought better of it” (Schuur 27). After buying the gift, Will realizes that Abigail’s father taught her how to hunt and that the idea of Will teaching her to fish bears too strong a resemblance to the trappings of fatherhood. Hannibal asks Will if he is “feeling paternal;” he confirms that he is and asks Hannibal if he feels the same, which Hannibal also confirms, but also passes along Alana’s warning about the dangers of assuming new familial roles for Abigail. Will then explains that he is actually angry about the boys in the case he is currently working. A great deal is made of Will’s almost perfect empathy. Several plotlines in the series really bring it to the fore and rely on it for dramatic movement. But Will’s empathy is also showcased in small moments like this one with Hannibal. Will says, “I’m angry about these boys. I’m angry cause I know when I find them, I can’t help them. I can’t give them back what they gave away” (Schuur 27). Will is angry because the boys cut themselves off from the one thing Will never really had – family. Jack Crawford is correct – the case is hitting Will too close to home. But most importantly, Will is upset that he will not be able to help the boys once he tracks them down – to Will, actually finding them is secondary. Being able to fix something once he does is paramount. It is a horribly naïve view for someone who spends as much time with murder as Will does, but it is the essence of who Will is. Will cares. But he also cares too much. People who care too much run the sincere risk of burning themselves out – and when they do, God help those around them. Their new life philosophy doesn’t always shift into “don’t give a fuck,” it shifts into “I’m gonna make people pay.” Not always, but as a person who cares too much, sometimes I really crave a villainous turn for myself… I’ll never do it. I’m too soft-hearted.

            In this context of Will’s anger at the boys who sacrificed their own loving families, Hannibal enters with the verbal equivalent of quick-dry cement and a rake. AKA, groundwork manipulation. He remarks to Will, “Abigail is lost, too. Perhaps it is our responsibility, yours and mine, to help her find her way” (Schuur 28). See? You and me, Will. You and me. You can’t fix what’s wrong with these boys, but together we can fix Abigail. Won’t it feel nice to create something rather than destroy it? Won’t it feel nice to belong somewhere, to belong to someone? Hannibal is a genius. Completely unethical, but when Hannibal wants something or someone, he doesn’t let anything get in his way, even if he has to eat them.

            Now, we see for the first time in the episode our Lost Boys family – but we see them with their surrogate mother, Eva, played insanely well by Molly Shannon, who absolutely kills in dramatic roles. Personally, I love comedic actors in dramatic roles; I feel they are able to shift back and forth seamlessly because in all forms of comedy is the element of darkness – the dissatisfaction or anger or fear or sadness that drove the creator to write it. But, I digress…

            Eva is sitting in a diner with her three “boys,” C.J. Lincoln, Jesse Turner, and Chris O’Halloran. Over burgers and fries, the “family” is discussing what happened to Connor. Eva makes Connor’s murder sound like a mercy killing, that he was granted the love he could not kindle for his new family. Chris asks about Eva’s “real” family – she vaguely mentions a brother and it seems he was not particularly kind to Eva. Eva (and her name is Eva, I imagine, to be like that of Eve, the first mother ever in Christian mythology) – Eva says, “The family you’re born into isn’t really family. Those are just people you didn’t choose. You have to make family” (Schuur 28).

            In expressing this, Eva is expressing the feelings of very real people, many of whom are in Hannibal’s audience, who have been disowned by their families. Or, people who have had to walk away from their own families in order to preserve their own safety and sanity. Families are rent apart for all reasons under the sun, but the ones I hear of most often are because of neglect, abuse, and marginalization. Children are disowned by their parents for all sorts of reasons – the child is queer or the child doesn’t want to be a doctor or the child isn’t religious or the child has an addiction or the child suffers from mental illness or for whatever shitty reason the disowning parent needs to make themselves feel justified. But also, children cut their parents off all the time too – for similar or equally shitty reasons. These people then go on to create new families wherever they can find them – at work, in the military, at school, online, at the gym, or in their own minds.

            If a family member is hurting you and won’t stop and you are able to get away, you owe it to yourself to do so. I would never, ever say that someone should stay in a situation where they are unsafe or unhappy or in danger. Many people need their new families like air because their real families will never be mended – the gap will never be bridged and in many cases shouldn’t be. But to loop back to Louise Hay, I must offer her wisdom again, “We are all victims of victims.” Families, all of them, of every ilk, are messy. No one emerges unscathed. No one.  

            In the next scene, we see Will alone in his classroom at Quantico, sitting at his desk, studying photos of Jesse Turner and Connor Frist. The beautiful and badass Beverly Katz comes in. Will tells her he believes all of the Lost Boys have ADHD because they are small for their age and this could indicate they have been taking meds that have stunted their growth. Bev informs Will that Price has identified the gun that killed Mrs. Frist; it was used to kill C.J. Lincoln’s mother a year ago.

            Now, we see all of Team Sassy Science, Jack, and Will looking at a picture of C.J. along with his juvenile criminal record on a screen. They bandy about theories about C.J. Will does not believe he is the ringleader. He believes the leader to be a still older boy.

            Meanwhile, Eva’s family of Lost Boys are at a convenience store. As young Chris stands next to Eva at the cash register, C.J. glares at Chris from behind a shelf of soda bottles. C.J.’s eyes are as flat and cold as a sheet of ice. The boy is dead inside. Chris is terrified. He involuntarily urinates all over himself. When Eva discovers Chris’ now wet state, she cleans up the puddles using napkins from the counter and tries to console Chris, though she is completely unaware of the cause of Chris’ distress. I guess being a murdering criminal really doesn’t prepare a person for sudden motherhood of mentally disturbed children. Gosh, who woulda thunk it?

            We shift now back to Abigail Hobbs’ very posh psychiatric hospital. (I find myself wondering who is paying for Abigail’s stay in the upscale sanitarium. The FBI? Based on the state of health insurance in America, I doubt her parents’ insurance is covering it. That and both her parents are dead. I wonder if Hannibal is paying for it. I wonder if legally Jack could have allowed Hannibal to bankroll Abigail’s recovery. Hannibal has the money, trust me. I will discuss my theories about the source of Hannibal’s funds in a later post, but let’s just say it’s a combo of family money and dead people money.)

            Hannibal invites Abigail to leave the hospital for the evening and come to his house so he can make her a proper dinner. Abigail questions whether the hospital administration will allow her to leave after her egregious wall-climbing episode in “Potage.” Hannibal’s response to her is very significantly phrased: “You could say I’m one of your guardians” (Schuur 31). The foundation of Hannibal’s House is almost complete – the pillars have been sunk. Just need to wait for the concrete to dry.

            Hannibal tells her he will have her back by bedtime. As Abigail gets ready to leave with Hannibal, she comments about how much she dislikes being in group therapy. She cannot be open in group because she cannot tell them about her murder of Nick Boyle. Hannibal says, “You must only lie about one thing. And when you’re with me, you don’t have to lie about anything” (Schuur 31A). The purpose of this comment is twofold. First, it is more of Hannibal preparing the way for his Murder Family – all families have secrets, silly ones and painful ones and all kinds of hidden information. Hannibal is now the only person in the world Abigail can tell the truth to – Hannibal has effectively isolated her from everyone, even people like Alana who are actively trying to help Abigail in good faith. This in Hannibal is classic narcissist behavior and we see him do it with almost everyone he really cares for – Abigail, Bedelia, and especially Will. The second purpose of this comment is that Hannibal is absolutely convinced that Abigail helped her father kill his victims and he wants Abigail to come clean with him, Hannibal keeps secrets like he keeps business cards, but if he has identified you as someone that belongs to him, you are not allowed a single secret of your own. He will poke around in your underwear drawer or your subconscious or both until he gets the truth. I suppose one could look at their subconscious as the underwear drawer of their mind. If so, both of mine could use a good cleaning. Anyway…

            Act Four begins in Hannibal’s kitchen, the setting of many important scenes in the series. It makes me think about the tried-and-true principle that when a person throws a party, no matter how large or luxurious the rest of the house is, the bulk of the partygoers wind up in the kitchen. A good deal of the things that happen in Hannibal’s kitchen could not be termed as “parties,” but there definitely is a lot of action and drama in this room. Hannibal is making breakfast for dinner, a recipe, in fact called, High Life Eggs. Should you like to recreate this recipe, you must immediately acquire yourself a copy of Janice Poon’s Feeding Hannibal. Janice was the food stylist for the series. She is an amazing chef, stylist, and person to boot. She loves her Fannibal Family and the book is resplendent with full color photos and a foreword by Mads himself. No Fannibal library is complete without a copy. High Life Eggs is eggs and sausage. It looks delicious.

            As Hannibal cooks, Abigail stands in the kitchen and the two discuss her future. She discovers that on a side counter Hannibal is steeping mushrooms in a teapot. He encourages Abigail to drink the tea, laced with the fungi’s psilocybin, to help her process the traumatic memories of her father. Abigail agrees.

            Now back at the BAU, Team Sassy Science and Jack and Will are looking at a case board filled with photos of the Lost Boys and the timeline of their abductions and the subsequent family murders. The boys are traveling southbound, but since none of them are of driving age, the team is confused as to how they are moving that way. This is the moment that the idea of an adult who is traveling with the group enters Will’s mind. He determines that the boys have been capture-bonded to this adult who now serves as their new master. Based on Will’s hunch, Jack expands his search.

            We return to Hannibal’s kitchen where Abigail Hobbs is now totally on a full-blown shroom trip. In her inebriated state, she drops a teacup on the kitchen floor and watches it shatter. This is the introduction to one of Hannibal’s most predominant and important motifs. The provenance of this motif in Harris’ work will be discussed in a later post, but it would be remiss of me not to mention the first occurrence of the teacup, a symbol of fraught and delicate meaning in the series. Hannibal explains that Alana would not approve of him giving psilocybin to Abigail, but that it will be one of “many secrets” the two of them will share (Schuur 36). It occurs to me at this point that Hannibal “capture-bonds” people to him just as Eva does – well, with definitely more nuance and finesse, but the philosophy is the same. Because Hannibal knows about Abigail’s murder of Nick Boyle and has helped her cover it up, he always has this secret to use against her, and should she get out of line, it is the threat of the revelation of that secret that keeps her bound to Hannibal. Much, much later, Alana calls it blackmail and she is absolutely correct. Abigail also stays connected to Hannibal because let’s face it – he’s damned charming and seems to give her exactly what she needs. If you need an attentive daddy and aren’t very picky about his criminal record, one could do a lot worse that Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

            Abigail begins experiencing the nauseous phase of a hallucinogenic trip. Hannibal coaches her through it, and tells her to lean into her feelings. She muses dreamily that Hannibal is making breakfast for dinner. Then, a very crucial dialogue exchange occurs.

            ABIGAIL HOBBS: Eggs and sausage was the last meal I was having with my parents.

            HANNIBAL: I know. It’s also the first meal you’re having with me.

Again, Hannibal proves himself to be an astonishingly devious motherfucker. The meal selection is purposeful. The mushroom tea is purposeful. In Abigail’s state of enhanced consciousness, her senses will be teased with the nostalgia of the smells and tastes of her family kitchen – but now, instead of her father preparing that same meal, she will see Hannibal. The smells, the tastes, the memories will all blur together and Hannibal will become her new father. Although Hannibal’s weapon of choice is a good knife, throughout the series, he also wields a more subtle one – drugs. He drugs so many people in the series it is difficult to list them all. As a doctor, he is aware of all the medications, both natural and synthetic that can be used to warp the human mind. And he makes use of them all. If you don’t love him, he’ll dose you with scopolamine and flashy lights until you do. Like I said, Hannibal gets what he wants – no matter what.

            The significance of the breakfast meal reaches a higher note when the viewer realizes at the end of the episode that the other person Hannibal intended to be sitting at the dining room table with he and Abigail was Will Graham. If Will hadn’t been otherwise engaged, Hannibal’s plan to cement the foundations of his family that night over sausage and eggs might have been successful.

            Hannibal and Will both have, in their own ways, tried to place themselves in Abigail’s life as new family members, new fathers. The difference is in intention and execution. Will stumbles into this new fatherhood and seems to have only the best hopes for Abigail, although his own motives seem confusing to him. Hannibal executes his plan with precision and solid intent. Since “Apéritif,” he has incrementally been making both Will and Abigail more accustomed to the idea of the three of them as a family. He insinuates the idea into their subconscious minds and he also states it just flat out to their faces. Hannibal comes at you from all sides. When he wants something, Hannibal will get it by hook, by crook, or if you are unlucky, by something sharper.

            Back at the BAU, Alana has come in to help Jack’s team try to identify the Peter Pan of the group of Lost Boys. She and Will and Bev all look at files and photos of kids who have gone missing and fit the basic profile Will has worked up. Through discussion and teamwork, they pull out the file of Chris O’Halloran as a possible Lost Boy. When Alana says that the boys are like, “brothers looking for a mother,” everything clicks in Will’s mind (Schuur 39).

            Will goes to talk to Jack. He tells Jack that the leader of the boys is a woman who is “looking to form a family” (Schuur 39). Jack says, “Family can have a contagion effect on the alienated. You adopt the same behaviors” (Schuur 39).

            This, of course, is exactly what is happening to Will and Abigail as Hannibal’s contagion works its way into their system. Will, as an empath, is already known for adopting the behaviors of those around him, even down to their ways of speaking and physical gestures. But, like Hannibal, Will is becoming more protective of Abigail. Like Hannibal, Abigail is lying more often, and is learning how to lie better. And they both are becoming more reliant on Hannibal. The virus is already in their system. I would imagine that under a super-powered microscope, the Hannibal virus wears a little three-piece suit and you can hear strains of a tiny piano playing The Goldberg Variations. It’s absolutely true and you can’t convince me otherwise.

            The BAU team then comes up with video camera footage of Chris O’Halloran in a convenience store with Eva. Chris’ family lives in Fayetteville, North Carolina, and so the team gears up to descend on that home.

            Act Four ends with Chris on the front doorstep of his family home, ringing the doorbell. His mother opens the door and is overwhelmed with joy to see her missing son returned to her. Until C.J. steps onto the porch holding a gun.

            Act Five begins with an FBI SWAT team and all of Team Sassy Science and Jack and Will storming into the back yard of the O’Halloran home. The boys are holding Chris’ family hostage at gunpoint around a barbeque grill. SWAT shoots and kills C.J. Chris runs. As Jack and the rest of the team tend to Jesse Turner and the O’Halloran family, the patriarch of which has been wounded, Will catches up with Chris by the pool. Chris has a gun. Will begins coaxing Chris to put the gun down. The boy is conflicted, confused. Eva suddenly steps out from behind the pool house and settles in behind Chris. She drapes her arm in a motherly embrace around Chris’ neck, revealing her firearm. She commands Chris to kill Will. Will begins baiting Eva. He questions the horrible things she has done to the boys, her “family” she supposedly loves – she kidnapped them; she forces them to kill people. At this point, Eva says something that is very key to our lesson.

            EVA: I’m honoring them like their other mothers wouldn’t. They’re not invisible anymore. I can see them. I see who they are and love them (Schuur 40A).

            Seeing and being seen is one of the most dominant and recurring themes in Hannibal. Acceptance and understanding are as well. More about that in my conclusion.

            Eva continues to push Chris to shoot Will. Chris freezes. When Eva raises her own weapon to fire at Will, from behind him, there is a shot. The camera cuts to show that the shot has come from Beverly Katz. Eva is hit in the shoulder. As she falls, Chris is released. Bev takes the kid away and Eva is arrested.

            We now see Chris sitting in the back seat of Jack Crawford’s car. Jack gets in the driver’s seat and turns over his shoulder to talk to Chris. Jack is preparing Chris for the long hours of questioning and court proceedings that are in his future. Chris asks about jail and then says of Eva, “She told me they weren’t my family. That we had to make our own family” (Schuur 43A). Chris asks to speak to his real mom, but Jack tells him that can’t happen until later, probably after a good deal of interrogation. Jack takes Chris away.

            Now, at Hannibal’s house, we see that Alana has arrived and is laying into Hannibal about checking Abigail out of the hospital without her permission. In a line that is absolutely hilarious to the #FannibalFamily, Alana says, “Rude, Hannibal. Shockingly rude” (Schuur 43A). It has all sorts of implications, but I find myself most often wondering if Hannibal could lop off a small bit of himself for Alana to eat or even more to the point, if he could find a small piece of his body that he could eat himself. The rude get eaten. Hannibal is definitely more than a snack. He's a five-course meal.

            Hannibal apologizes. He tells Alana that she was right, that Abigail was not yet ready to leave the hospital. She suffered some distress and so Hannibal has given her “half a valium” (Schuur 44). The two go into the dining room, where Abigail sits, her eyes watery with stoned emotion. Alana sits in the place at the table that was meant for Will. Abigail smiles brightly and stares at Hannibal and Alana. The image of her two guardians shift into a beautiful image of her parents. When Hannibal asks her what she sees, Abigail says, “I see family” (Schuur 45). The episode ends.

And now dear readers, the LESSON.

To which you say, “Oh my God, about fucking time!”

I promised you a lesson. I never promised brevity.

            Outside of Hannibal, in the non-fiction world, some people are lucky enough to have “real”  family members who are kind and reliable people. Still, many people have to leave their “real” families behind and find and make their own. I have delineated the reasons people must walk away from family before – abuse, neglect, or any shade of agony along the spectrum of wielded pain.

            Many people are crucified by their families for being the one thing those family members cannot tolerate – DIFFERENT.

            When I was a little girl, I loved Mr. Rogers. I still do. I love him with all my heart. One of the reasons I loved good ol’ Fred was because every single day, he told me, “You’ve made this day a special day by just your being you. There’s no person in the whole world like you, and I like you just the way you are” (Fred Rogers, every day).

            And so the lesson…

            “REAL” FAMILY LOVES US FOR EXACTLY WHO WE ARE.

            They love our strengths and our weaknesses. They love our admirable traits and our not so admirable ones. They love our morning breath, and our crappy dancing, and our little idiosyncrasies. They love the big things about us too. They don’t shame us for being who we are and they don’t try to change us to fit some ridiculous standard that they deem to be more “acceptable.”

            They love our scars as much as our smiles.

            If your own family doesn’t love you like this – get you a new one. Even if you have to make it.

            Just don’t kill anybody.

            Try social media. I hear tell there’s lots of folks there.

            By the way, I must send MUCH, MUCH LOVE to my #FannibalFamily.

            Eva was wrong. You can have more than one family. I have two.

            Here endeth the lesson…

References:

Freedman, Adrianna. “54 Ron Swanson Quotes from ‘Parks and Recreation’ Guaranteed to Make You Laugh.” Men’s Health, www.menshealth.com/entertainment/a34774462/ron-swanson-quotes. Accessed 18 Jan. 2023.

Harris, Thomas. Hannibal. New York, Delacorte Press, 1999.

Harris, Thomas. Red Dragon. New York, Berkley, 2000.

Hay, Louise. You Can Heal Your Life. New York, Hay House, Inc., 2004.

Rogers, Fred. The thing he said on every single episode of Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood.

Schuur, Jennifer. Writer. “Oeuf.” Hannibal, season 1, episode 4, Chiswick Productions, 2012.

“Sound and Vision – David Bowie.” Lyrics.com, www.lyrics.com/lyric/32096867/David+Bowie/Sound+and+Vision      . Accessed 18 Jan. 2023.

[bookgeekgrrl]

My media this week (9-15 Jul 2023)

ˢᵗᶦˡˡ ᵃᵇˢᵒˡᵘᵗᵉˡʸ ᵉⁿᶜʰᵃⁿᵗᵉᵈ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵒᵇˢᵉˢˢᵉᵈ ʷᶦᵗʰ ᵗʰᶦˢ ˢʰᵒʷ ⁻ ˡᵉᵍᶦᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ʰᶦᵍʰˡᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵒᶠ ᵐʸ ʷᵉᵉᵏ

📚 STUFF I READ 📚

🥰 The Man Behind the Curtain (seitentaisei) - 71K, SuperBat getting together fic - "A character study of Bruce Wayne, the Batman, as told by Clark Kent as he sorts through the stories, the acting, and the news to find the real man behind the masks. What exactly can Clark do if he maybe finds himself falling in love along the way?"

😍 Casual Encounters (MoreThanSlightly (cadignan)) - 66K, modern no-powers shrinkyclinks - always forget just how incredible this fic is! the pining and angst are truly exquisite while we know they're being two dumbasses standing in a pine forest. plus the descriptions of steve's painting are incredible.

😊 Dear Enemy (GingerTodgers) - 69K, drarry - breezy & lighthearted epistolary fic, some voices maybe a trifle OOC but entertaining

💖💖 +147K of shorter fic so shout out to these I really loved 💖💖

king (nerd) steve harrington (sky_of_starflowers) - Stranger Things: steddie, 3K - steve accidentally reveals his nerdy side and eddie *really* likes it

Dustin Henderson and the Lovebirds (pukner) - Stranger Things: steddie, 9K - "five times Dustin Henderson was subjected to Eddie Munson being gross and sappy and in love with Steve Harrington, and one time Steve didn't even have to be there" - short but absolutely hilarious with excellent podfic (I read the fic and then listened to the podfic the next day, so great both times!)

“Never So Young As That”: 20 Years of the Boy with a Bat (greatunironic) - Stranger Things: steddie, 6K - lovely new vingette in this universe

Patterns of Intention (drunktuesdays) - TW: sterek, 17K - canon-divergent post s3?, stiles and derek decide to take lessons from deaton and then feelings [technically a reread but it's been at least 5 years]

serpentine serenade (thiccbuckybarnes) - MCU: stucky, 3K - antastic & filthy pwp with naga!steve and modern (but still former WS) bucky [reread]

Beyond the Yellow Book Road (crinklefries) - MCU: shrunkyclunks, 30K - wonderful and tender shrunkyclunks where steve discovers 1 thing from his past that's still around -- a beloved bookstore now run by bucky [reread]

📺 STUFF I WATCHED 📺

D20: A Crown of Candy - "Keep Sharp" (s5, e3)

D20: Adventuring Party - s1, e1

D20: Adventuring Party - s1, e2

D20: Adventuring Party - s1, e3

D20: Dungeons and Drag Queens - "The Time Has Come" (s18, e3)

D20: Adventuring Party - "The Dice Tell The Story" (s13, e3)

D20: A Crown of Candy - "The Grand Tournament" (s5, e4)

🎧 PODCASTS 🎧

Hit Parade Plus - The Bridge: So Excited and Breaking Out

Rivals: Music's Greatest Feuds - Suspicious Minds: Elvis Presley vs. Jerry Lee Lewis

50 Years of Hip-Hop - Hip-Hop's Origins

⭐ 50 Years of Hip-Hop - Scratching and the Art of DJing

50 MPH - 4 MPH / Paramount Hits the Brakes

The Soundtrack Show - Great Melodies Tell Great Stories

50 Years of Hip-Hop - 1975: "Let's Take It to the Stage" by Funkadelic

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Gunnar Schonbeck Exhibit

Rachel Maddow Presents: Déjà News - Episode 4: “It’s a Very Short Path”

The Sporkful - 2 Chefs And A Lie: Name That Mustard Edition

50 MPH - 5 MPH / New Life at a New Fox

50 Years of Hip-Hop - 1977: Grand Wizzard Theodore and the Invention of Scratching

50 Years of Hip-Hop - 1979: "Rapper's Delight" by Sugarhill Gang

50 Years of Hip-Hop - 1980: "The Breaks" by Kurtis Blow

Into It - Everything You’ve Ever Wanted To Know About Sex Onscreen

⭐ Shedunnit - Editing Agatha Christie

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - A Friendly Town With An Ax To Grind

Stuff The British Stole - The Unfinished Prince

Switched on Pop - Speak Now (about Taylor's versions)

Vibe Check - Life Has Been Lifing Lately

ICYMI Plus - Has Black Twitter Found A New Home?

⭐ Ologies with Alie Ward - Curiology (EMOJI) Part 2 with Various Emoji Experts

Simply Reflecting - You Mean I Have To Advocate For Myself?

Decoder Ring Plus - The Great Parmesan Cheese Debate

Our Opinions Are Correct - The State of the Galaxy

⭐ The Atlas Obscura Podcast - The Complaint Tablet of Ea-Nasir

99% Invisible #544 - Chick Tracts

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Man’s Best (Stiff) Friends

⭐ 50 Years of Hip-Hop - 1983: The Wu-Tang Clan and Asian Influences in Hip-Hop

⭐ 50 Years of Hip-Hop - 1985: "I Can't Live Without My Radio" by LL Cool J

What Next: TBD Plus - Will UPS Workers Join "Hot Strike Summer?"

Re: Dracula - Bonus 5: Producing The Wright Way

Into It - What Happens When All of Hollywood’s on Strike?

Dear Prudence Plus - My Friends Got Me a Terrible Birthday Gift. Help!

Strong Songs - "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" by Tears For Fears

Off Menu - Ep 196: Toheeb Jimoh

ICYMI Plus - Did Fancams Determine This Year’s Emmy Nominations?

⭐ Hot and Bothered - Live from Pemberley: Fire Island (with Joel Kim Booster)

🎶 MUSIC 🎶

Under The Covers Vol. 1 [Matthew Sweet & Susanna Hoffs] {2006}

Under The Covers Vol. 2 [Matthew Sweet & Susanna Hoffs] {2009} 

Under The Covers Vol. 3 [Matthew Sweet & Susanna Hoffs] {2013} 

AC/DC Radio • 2000s

Electronic Radio • 1970s

The Pointer Sisters Radio • Popular

The Age of Pleasure [Janelle Monáe] {2023} 

The English Beat Radio • Familiar

"I Love A Rainy Night" [Eddie Rabbitt] Radio • Popular

Classic Sunny Afternoon

Classic Easy Rock

Lord of The Lost Radio • Familiar

[hotpocketcasserole]

X Files Season One

It's like 1 in the morning and I got work tomorrow so I'm gonna just go ahead and get some thoughts out about the season.

I first watched this in the mid 00's when dvds were becoming more popular. It started with reading the book series at my school library. I couldn't catch them on tv but I could save up my allowance and buy the dvd sets on the military base where my dad worked. They cost so fucking much, I think they were like 90 bucks per season. But I did a paper route and saved up what I could to buy at least three seasons. And I watched the absolute shit out of those dvds. I still got them on my shelf.

My husband and I started watching them again on Hulu and while I do miss the feeling of popping in a dvd, going through the menu and listening to the music and watching the special features that came with it, being able to stream the entire 9 (original) seasons is so convenient. Except when it fucking lags but w/e.

I thought the first season was a little shaky for a few episodes but like a newborn horse it found it's footing very quickly. Mulder and Scully always felt like a natural partnership to me. I never really thought of them as romantic despite it sometimes being hinted or implied. Maybe it's my young gay ass but I thought they were better as two workmates that work well with one another, keeping the other in line. Scully tries to keep Mulder grounded in reality while Mulder encourages Scully to be more open to the possibility of the extraordinary. I'm not gonna rank all the episodes but I will mention a few notable ones. Best episode: S1 E13 - Beyond the Sea

Easily one of the best episodes ever. Scully is given more space to grow as a character, we learn more of her faith and her family, and is a rare episode where Scully plays the believer while Mulder is the skeptic. Brad Dourif is absolutely amazing in every scene he's in. Great Episodes:

S1 E3 / E21 - Squeeze and Tooms Tooms is such a frightening villain. And introduced so early, right after two ufo episodes. The first Monster-of-the-Week. S1 E1 - Pilot Classic episode. Some wooden acting but an absolutely classic pilot episode to jumpstart the series.

Do you think I'm spooky?

S1 E12 - Fire Crowley from Supernatural plays a fantastic villain with pyrokinesis targeting wealthy British families. Terrific episode

S1 E4 - Conduit I loved the part where the sequences of binary numbers that the kid wrote out put together formed the face of the kidnapped woman.

S1 E20 - Darkness Falls I remember reading the book version of this and loving it so much. Like the episodes Ice and Firewalker, Mulder and Scully head out into the wilderness to investigate and are met with forces beyond their understanding. Love those kinds of episodes. In this case, it was glowing gnats that sucked people dry.

S1 E2 - Deep Throat Hey, Seth Green was in this one! Mulder and Scully go hunting for experimental aircrafts and ufos. That's always a fun time. I prefer Monster of the Week episodes generally but the alien subplot is very engaging.

Bad Episodes:

S1 E5 - Jersey Devil A boring episode. Spoilers, it was a feral woman who lived in the woods.

S1 E7 - Ghost in the Machine I used to like this episode as a kid but now it's just kinda cheesy. The AI would have been just slightly more believable if they didn't make it say "Program Deleted" after killing a dude.

S1 E9 - Space Boooooooring.

The Worst Episode: S1 E14 - Yeah, that one There really isn't much to talk about with this one. It's pretty transphobic. And the ending was awful. Like, it implied that they were aliens or something? I'm more than happy to write this off as non canon.

Anyway, my husband and I are now a few episodes into season two. Season one is a classic. It has some hit and miss moments, some very forgettable episodes, but it also helped establish the characters and really set the tone for the series. I can tell right off the bat that the success of this series led to a higher budget for season two and a lot more risky moments.

Season one will always have a special place in my heart for just how nostalgic it is.

[fatebinds]

max: G4, E4

shari: B3, L2

kal: O2, S1

leon: P3, U1

alan: R, F4

doc's homegrown memes !!

for max:

G4: would they be a successful drug dealer?

depends on the meaning of successful! i think he could do it but i don't think he would ever be able to get big monies doing it. he would just end up getting himself killed.

E4: what's their opinion about predestined compatibility?

he really doesn't have much of an opinion on it. love just isn't something he thinks about. but if you asked him, i think he'd say he believed in it.

for shari:

B3: what would they do if they found a dead body? 

i think no matter what she is screaming and crying and throwing up. she does NOT want to see that shit!

L2: what is their love language? 

quality time! she is a nervous cat and just wants to be in the same room with you.

for alan:

(RANDOM) M3: have they ever been to another country? 

nope, he's never even been outside town. i think as much as he wants to leave antioch, he would be anxious traveling that far.

F4: are they a thrill-seeker? 

no, he's a pussy.

for leon:

P3: if they were an animal, what would they be? 

a sloth. like from slotherhouse.

U1: how do they feel about storms? 

i think he was scared of them as a young child, but now they just annoy him.

for kal:

O2: which song remind you of them?

hot stuff by donna summer... i mean she is.

S1: are they a top, bottom, or other?

she's versatile. any other preferences just depend on who she's with.

[coolasakuhncumber]

Narratives of 2022

Books

- Why first borns want to rule the world and later borns change it, Michael Grose

- Any Ordinary Day, Leigh Sales

-The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo, Taylor Jenkins Reid

- I Confess, Alex Barclay

- Magnificent Desolation: The Long Journey Home from the Moon, Buzz Aldrin and Ken Abraham

Films

- MIB: International

- High Fidelity

- Three Summers

- Good Luck Chuck

- Poms

- The Fuck It List

- The Royal Treatment

- Ride Along

- Happy Anniversary

- Encanto

- This is Where I Leave You

- Pretty in Pink

- Shall We Dance?

- The Bubble

- Hairspray

- Senior Year

- The Batman

- A Perfect Pairing

- Home Again

- Top Gun

- The High Note

- Top Gun: Maverick

- 2 Hearts

- Baby Done

- Hello, Goodbye, and Everything In Between

- Bookclub

- Purple Hearts

- Wedding Season

- Persuasion

- Look Both Ways

- 6 Festivals

- Good luck to you, Leo Grande

- Mamma Mia!

- Elvis

- P.S. I love You

- Spy

- The School of Good and Evil

- Wedding Crashers

- Shrek 2

- Mr Self Destruct & Other films

- A Wedding for Christmas

- A Walk to Remember

- Christmas Ransom

- Shrek the Halls

- The Noel Diary

- Too Close for Christmas

- Broken Hearts Gallery

- Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery

- Message in a Bottle

TV

- Noughts and Crosses (s1)

- Outer Banks (s2)

- Below Deck (s4, s7, s8)

- Five Bedrooms (s3)

- Home Economics (s2)

- Total Control (s2)

- The Book of Boba Fett (s1)

- Space Force (s1, s2)

- Clone Wars (s1 e1 - e4)

- Midnight Diner (s1e5 - s2e??)

- Fisk (s1e3 - e6, s2)

- Muster Dogs

- The After Party

- A bunch of the Aus Open

- Australian Survivor (s7), a few episodes

- Married at First Sight Australia (s9), a few episodes

- Bump (s2, s3)

- Fresh off the Boat (all)

- Bel Air (s1)

- It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (s1 e1-3)

- Only Murders in the Building (s1, s2)

- Starstruck (s2)

- Heartland (s15)

- Bridgerton (s2)

- Australian Story: Caught in the Act (Courtney Act)

- Superstore (s6)

- How I Met Your Father (s1)

- Ted Lasso (s1, s2 rewatch)

- Selling Sunset (s5)

- The Barons (e1 - e3)

- Lego Masters, a few episodes

- Travel Guides, a few episodes

- Grace & Frankie (s7e4-16)

- Grey's Anatomy (s18 - s19 e6)

- Heartstopper (s1)

- Love My Way (s1e1)

- Below Deck Down Under (s1)

- Obi-Wan Kenobi

- Wong Fu productions - Single by 30

- Everything I Know About Love

- Surviving Summer (s1)

- Peaky Blinders (S1 e1-2)

- Celebrity Apprentice Australia 2022, a few episodes

- One Day at a Time (s1 e1 - e4)

- Snowflake Mountain

- Below Deck Mediterranean (s5, s6)

- Un coupled (s1)

- Indian Matchmaking (s2)

- Never Have I Ever (s3)

- Skins (s1 e1 - e5)

- My Mad Fat Diary (all)

- The Bear (s1)

- Old People's Home for Teenagers :)

- Andor (s1)

- Take 5 w/ Zan Rowe

- Heartbreak High (reboot) (s1)

- Derry Girls (s3)

- Partner Track (s1)

- Blockbuster (s1)

- Pitch Perfect: Bumper in Berlin (s1)

- Undressed with Kathryn Eisman

- Firefly Lane s2

- The Flatshare

- Home Economics (s3e1 - e10)

Gigs/Plays/Theatre/Exhibitions

- Vivaldi 4 Seasons @ National Gallery of Australia by Phoenix Collective

- Ancient Greeks Exhibition

- Judith Lucy & Denise Scott

- Keating! The Musical

- In Their Footsteps

- Sculptures @ Shaw Winery

- Lizzy Hoo, Hoo dis?

- Aaron Chen, Sorry Forever

- Hot Potato Band

- Jeffrey Smart Exhibition

- Six the Musical

- Schapelle Schapelle the Musical

- Reconciliation Day Eve concert aka Electric Fields, Briggs, Christine Anu, Caiti Baker

- A Royal Hoopla

- The Jezabels

- Jimmy Rees

- Girl from the North Country

- How to Vote!

- Whitefella Yella Tree

- The Comedy of Errors

- CJ Stranger

- HMS Pinafore

- Bill Bailey

- Nick Cave & Warren Ellis

- Winging it: The Musical

- Human Nature

- A Christmas Carol

In summary, 5 books, 49 movies, 64 tv shows of varying levels of engagement and 27 cultural experiences.

Easily the least number of books I've read in a single year since I could read. Mostly because it's hard and tiring for me to read with bad eyes and spending long days reading with my job. Interesting that I'm being drawn more to non-fiction than fiction these days.

Wow I watch a lot of tv and film. I really enjoyed Fresh off the Boat and multiple seasons of Below Deck this year. The right balance of entertaining and easy to wind down to and knit to after work.

I feel like I don't gig anywhere near as much as I used to, and that makes me sad. But I do like that I'm still doing on average a cultural thing every two weeks. Less gigs, more other types of culture and I'm definitely throwing lots of support behind the local culture scene.

[beautifulfaces-icons-and-gifs]

Maitreyi Ramakrishnan on Never Have I Ever Season 1

as Devi on Never Have I Ever [S01 E04]

Information on beautifulfaces

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