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nonanthropy · 26 days ago

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I... don't really understand what the neogender coiner [that is the coiner, right] is saying either. Honestly, for years I tried to explain the concept that you can have an autonomous gender identity that isn't inherently xenogender, but I don't think I ever did that good of a job :/ words are hard for me including right now where I'm about to be a huge nerd about gender umbrellas

I [badly, I'd imagine, I don't really remember lol] explained a few years ago that kenochoric is a neogender [gender that is New] but it isn't inherently xenogender. This is true! It is a "newer" gender, so it does fit under neogender, but it isn't innately xenoine, just like it isn't masculine, feminine, outherine, or whatever inherently. It inspired some more neogender umbrellas that are autonomous to themselves, and it felt sooo good. I love that neogender umbrellas caught on in concept, it makes me feel so much more seen and understood as a person! I saw people relate to the same feeling I was having, and it made me feel less alone. Like I wasn't just... being weird, or something. Neogender, in the way I saw it being used at the time, was just Any Gender That Is Kinda New. But honestly, beyond neogender, beyond anything else, it's just.... a gender, yannow? And an umbrella term. Neogender was just my way of still trying to tie it into MOGAI in some sense.

BUT. That's not to say that these things Can't be xenic, or outherine, or anything else, for other people; gender is weird and incredibly personal for everyone. I used to consider my kenosity masculine. Now, I consider it a fully standalone thing alongside being a man and a woman. Part of why the community started to be harder for me over time was that I felt like I had to battle technicalities and a bunch of arguing over veeeery specific definitions for something that.. well, for me, has always been its own standalone thing that's not easy to explain. That's just how gender is for me, I guess! It's a weird vibe, it's a personal identity, not something I can perfectly write down and explain all the perfect reasons why it's this and not that. It's like trying to fight a dictionary definition with your personal experiences, and I guess for me, defining gender identity on its own is hard enough

I'd get people saying, well, isn't this thing you coined to not be a xenogender a xenogender for this technical, by-the-books reason? And it felt demoralizing because I was coining... the thing that I am. The personal experience I go through and live through, and I know what I am and am not! It felt frustrating to have that questioned because it doesn't fit with someone else's idea of what the thing I made should be. I don't know why I'm not xenoine, or xenogender, in the same way that I don't know why I'm not agender or something. I'm just not. Some people just aren't. Some terms just aren't. Saying "well it TECHNICALLY falls under this so it is!" flies in the face of the entire concept of personal identity. It's how you run into exclusionism in the first place; how is gendervoid different from agender? How is gendernull different? How are bi, pan, ply, omni all different? Does it really matter, do we need to come up with totally different definitions to justify it? I think the answer is simple: people are what they say they are, and the terms they create to describe themselves are better explained by those people's lived experiences and autonomy than by a technicality, than by making things "fit better" or "make better sense" to others

Then I saw people take this and run with it, twist it into it being "only its own thing! can't be anything else for other people!" and that's equally disastrous. Neogender isn't a "better" term and MOGAI encompasses a looooot more genders than just neogenders. Besides, xenogender IS a neogender! I always saw xenogender as one of many umbrella terms under the label, they're all huddled around in their little orbs and sometimes they can bleed into each other for certain people. They're self contained on their own, you don't have to be x to be y, but you can be both, you can be multiple, you can be all or none! Maybe I sound pretentious or just stupid, but I really do think people need to relax on hard-cut definitions a little bit. Neogender versus xenogender shouldn't be so based on technicalities and excluding this or that, it should be based on what people's experiences are... you know? Sorry I have no idea if this makes any sense it's 4 AM here LOL!!

for the kenochoric asker, as a fellow kenic individual:

kenochoric is a neogender, which is not considered under xenogender. they may overlap, and may go hand in hand even, but the rule of thumb is that xenos =/= neos.

i'm pretty sure you can be outherine in any capacity and fit any neogender, considering the concept of neogenders is, simply put, that they're New Genders (you can read more here), while xenogender is understood as "an umbrella term for non-binary gender identities that cannot be fully described through their relation to concepts typically used to describe gender such as male, female, woman, man, masculinity, femininity, androgyny, neutrality, agenrinity, or outherinity." (from here)

in practice, xenogenders have been expanded to function alongside neogenders, but xeninity is meant to "fill the gap" of gender experiences. neogenders, on the other hand, are their standalone, new thing. "future" genders, if you will (/lh /silly). all this to say, your kenochoric identity can exist on itself alongside your outherine identity no problem in the slightest, no contradiction even. ofc you can do whatever you want forever, but yeah !

just wanted to add some to the conversation, since i'm very interested in kenochoric and it's a neoumbrella i treasure !! hope this made sense hahah

Xenogenders are neogenders. So are any terms that have been coined from 2000 and onward. The coiner themselves said so. Unless I'm reading it wrong which is likely, because the definition is really hard to read and understand for me.

What I don't agree with is the coiner claiming "MOGAI" genders only fall under neogenders. MOGAI, I thought, was coined to include as many queer identities as possible. Because of that, the definition for neogender is insinuating that MOGAI was coined as a way to exclude people. MOGAI doesn't mean identities coined recently. It's literally for marginalized identities, so nonbinary (not a neogender) would fall under it. That bothers me a lot!

But yes, kenochoric and outherine can exist alongside each other. That can happen with just about any gender.

- 💙💚

#is this worded well? i don't know. i'm trying my best sorry if this is hard to read :<#also it's been a while since i've brushed up on terminology so sorry if im using xenoine / xenic / etc wrong #i tried to explain it Logically at the time and tried to work out a definition of xenogender that made people happy but like #i'm not xenogender. so it felt... disingenuous to try to change someone else's label to make mine fit #i think sometimes things are just kinda contradictory and weird and while it can be #frustrating. annoying. strange. like ill fully admit i know its annoying as hell i didnt just let kenochoric be a xenogender #it confuses the hell out of people even now i can see that #but idk. i didnt know what else to do #i was trying to justify how i felt and how personally connected i was to something on its own using long explanations and redefinitions #when ultimately. i dont know. how could someone who isnt xenogender know WHY theyre not. idk #all i knew is i wanted comfort within the label #and it clearly caught on with a lot of people who didnt feel connected to xenogender either #and made their own umbrellas.#i dont know what this means or what this fix is #and i feel kinda bad for doing what i did even though it was good for ME #but i guess whats done is done now #and maybe its a good thing #if it caught on it has to be for a real genuine reason... right?#i dont know. i feel like the more i write the more confusing i get #its been a while since ive talked about mogai and i think thats obvious in this reblog HAH

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wirewitchviolet · 3 months ago

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Sudokuvania: Digits of Despair is one of the most impressive works of pure game design I have ever seen.

Before I say anything else, I am going to be talking about a game that is VERY new and has pretty terrible search optimization, so in case this blog post somehow came up near the top of results for someone, here is the as-of-this-writing-current 1.02 release, and for good measure, here is the official FAQ page with the full version history, any future patches, and an FAQ for some of the more confusingly worded stuff that crops up later into the game. Now on with the praise-heaping!

So... Sudokuvania pretty much exactly what the name implies. It's a -vania, that is, a Metroidvania, and specifically one styled after one of the ones that's actually in the latter Castlevania series so that naming convention actually makes sense. Exploring a big castle, fighting bosses, getting various items letting you explore more areas, maybe breaking out of the borders of the map to find cool secrets here and there.

Also, it's a variant of sudoku. And I don't mean someone sat down with some videogame designing toolkit and made a videogame where some of the gameplay is solving logic puzzles on a grid you fill with numbers (I mean, I guess technically I do). I mean that link to the game I posted takes you to a website with a little built in standard app for solving sudoku puzzles and weird variations thereof, and the particular puzzle it's pointing to, somehow, manages to have a big map to explore, boss fights, special items that give you new powers, NPCs, and for good measure, fog of war. It is, again, an absolutely amazing hacky thing and I'm flabbergasted at how well executed it is. Now you're probably wondering how that even works, and that's why I'm writing this big gushy blog post. Here's what you see when you first load it up:

You're going to notice there is some absurdly small and kind of important text you can't possibly read, and that's because again, this is kind of a hacky thing this site so was not designed for. So it's kind of annoying but if you access this through the proper introduction page, it'll explain that the first thing you need to do is click the little gear icon in the floating tool palette, toggle on Visuals: Draw arrows above lines and Disable emoji replacement, then scroll all the way down to Experimental and turn on Test Large Puzzle UI. That enables you to zoom in and out with the scroll wheel, and right-click drag to pan around. It's... a little clunky because again, this website was NOT built for this, but tada, now you can zoom in, read the text, and start solving at a reasonable size. Then there's a couple gameplay concepts it does its best to explain, but... most people I've shown it to myself included needed extra explanation of a couple important early concepts. So let me just do a little color coding here to make this easier to get...

The map is not, in fact, one great big grid. It's 9 squares (and one rectangle that's not quite square over on the east side). Each of these is its own 9x9 Sudoku grid (well, the starting one is 6x6 and has those mutant 2x3 cells instead of the usual 3x3, and there's that weird eastern mutant). If you're solving stuff in one square, you completely ignore everything outside that square, except for where they overlap, in which case the numbers you're placing have to fit for both puzzles. So if we look at the light grey/green intersection on the left, those three overlap cells respectively can't be 4 6 or 5 (and whatever use you deduce in the grey box, but the pure green cells completely ignore all that, you're just focusing on the green 9x9 (which is going to have the overlap as a starting point, naturally).

The next bit that through me off a ton is the way fog of war works. Let me reasonably zoom in and do a little solving here. One second...

Here's the whole starting area all marked up to hell like you do when you're kinda bad at Sudoku and don't know how to spot a starting point. Penciling in little numbers in the corners. You'll also notice a that... most of the map is covered in this dark grey fog of war. A lot of in-game stuff mentions that you shouldn't go clicking out into the fog of war, because it'll show you names of later areas and preview certain special rules and all, but that's talking about clicking WAY off from what you can see. You are 100% allowed to solve stuff out in the fog of war, and it's pretty stingy about de-fogging. Don't go blindly guessing because then you can maybe end up sequence breaking but... yeah. Sorry I'm spoiling the Front Gate, it's basically the tutorial though. Anyway, first move is obvious, only one place we can put that 6, and suddenly...

Tada, important space so it rewarded us with a little fog clearing. You can also see that this will handily point out stuff in your pencil notes that can't be true, but only if A- it's untrue for standard sudoku reasons not special stuff, and B- it's not in the fog of war (or on the other side of some. You also maybe noticed that weird green thing under that first hint 6? That's something we need a tool for, you don't worry about it until you have that tool. Solving this out some more...

Little more de-fogging, both of the puzzle area and the margins where we're getting new information on playing the game in general. Now right here if you're observant, you'll see that bottom right corner has to be a 6. It's out in the fog of war, but you can mark it if you know what it is. And...

I was cropping it out before but the big purple number pad is always floating off to the side there, and the green text box over it, which among other things has an area name and flavor text for whatever grid you're in. This won't ALWAYS happen when you place numbers in fog of war, but there was a trigger on this 6 to load in a little piece of the first real area, and oh hey, we unlocked "Guide THERMO!" That's our first tool, and it's described up in the upper left.

So tada, from here out in addition to standard sudoku stuff, you've got these "bronze Guide THERMOs" that show up here and there and have this extra rule. You basically never get free numbers in the grid past the Front Gate, it's all slow-marching into new areas using what you're bringing in plus some easy starting examples of how your new tools work, plowing on from there. The fog of war is pretty stingy but it keeps you focused. You'll also notice the rules here mention bosses, all the 9x9 ones have one. It's clearly marked, and you should PROBABLY expose it from the fog first, but any time you're in the area really you, if you scroll around in that green text box or hit the rules button when in a grid, there's a link you can click to go fight it. The boss fights are all separate puzzles (site's good about auto-saving so don't freak out if it takes over your tab and you have to hit back after). These are very themey, sometimes VERY evil (especially boss #1, feels a bit overtuned) self-contained 9x9 puzzles, probably using the same tools their area is themed around, and I don't think there's a single pre-placed number in any of them. Beat the boss puzzle, it gives you some flavor text and a number to place in its cell back in the main castle puzzle, plug that in and you're always going to unlock something cool. Usually a new item, sometimes other weird stuff, and it just goes on like that.

Don't expect to be able to fully solve a given grid in one go. It's a Metroidvania, backtracking is expected. Even if you've fully de-fogged a grid, later stuff might reward you by straight up adding new symbols you couldn't see before or doing weird stuff with fog. It IS all solvable with pure logic... but there ARE a few places that do that thing I hate in tougher sudokus where you just kinda have to pencil in in a different faction and explore 2 possible futures for a bit to see which eventually contradicts itself. And of course the last couple of grids do some really evil mind-bendy stuff.

But yeah aside from a couple gripes where the way a tool works could maybe be a lot more grammatically clear, that first boss being a lot to deal with as you're first getting your feet wet, and a particularly cruel twist later on, I don't really have any complaints. Well, it might need a cool soundtrack. Maybe play some Castlevania music. Maybe switch it up for some real proper boss music when you're nearing victory.

youtube

Again I am just completely blown away that someone made something so meaty in a standard sudoku site's normal UI, and really managed to make it feel so much like playing a DS Castlevania. Some real proof of game design being an art form here. And now you too can just completely lose a day or two to it!

#Sudokuvania #Metroidvania #Castlevania #sudoku #game design #puzzles #sudokuvania digits of despair #yes there's wall meat of course there's wall meat #Youtube

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trainer-from-unova · 4 months ago

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void

Ⓢ english ao3 Ⓢ spanish ao3 Ⓢ masterlist Ⓢ

ship: the void x mutant black widow reader (x robert reynolds)

summary: they were getting used to bob and void. most of the time they dealt with bob, who was shy and respectful — and on the other side was void, who thought he was superior to everyone (or almost everyone) and could get on their nerves a lot of the time, but they had learned that, for some reason, most of the time he only showed up when the former was alone with _______, so they tried not to let those situations happen.

au: antonia lives / bob and void are a system

c/w: post-canon, lack of communication, consensual sex, oral sex, piv sex, masturbation, alcohol, light angst

a/n: english isn't my first language / I wrote this before watching the movie (and edited version after watching the movie: Ⓢ)

word count: 3818

Dealing with a system could be difficult, let alone living with it — fortunately, they were getting used to Bob and Void. Most of the time they dealt with Bob, who was shy and respectful — and on the other side was Void, who thought he was superior to everyone (or almost everyone) and could get on their nerves a lot of the time, but they had learned that, for some reason, most of the time he only showed up when the former was alone with _______, so they tried not to let those situations happen.

At first she was confused that such a thing happened, then it began to annoy and even sadden her. She thought he hated her for some reason, and she thought it made the most sense that he hated her for being a mutant.

"He doesn't hate you for that," Yelena said in her typical annoyed tone. She and the others knew it wasn't personal.

It was girls' night out and the four of the team were drinking in a bar in Manhattan as Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte.

"Oh, so you confirm he hates me," she said in the same tone.

"No, he doesn't hate you- well, I think," she hastened to correct herself.

Of all of them Yelena was the closest to Bob, but she didn't know why he was giving her the cold shoulder; she just knew that if she asked him directly it would be too suspicious. The few times Yelena brought up the subject when the two of them were alone together he tried to quickly change the conversation, saying he didn't want to talk about it, and she accepted in defeat because she didn't want to make him uncomfortable, let alone provoke a trigger for Void to come out. Every time they commented on these attempts she or the others said that maybe Bob thought there was a possibility that it was _______ posing as Yelena with a mask and wig, and that would explain why he didn't want to talk about it even with her.

"I'm sure he hates me for that reason," she said referring to her mutation, not wanting to say it explicitly because she was in public.

"If your theory were true, wouldn't it make more sense for him to hate me too," Ava asked, "even more than you?"

"Exactly!" said Yelena pointing and agreeing with her, understanding her point. Antonia nodded slowly and silently as she sipped her drink.

"I mean, even if it's not..." she stopped and waved her hand, and they all understood that she meant "mutant" "I think my power is scarier than yours, and he doesn't treat me like he treats you," said Ava.

"Yeah, but I don't know..." She shrugged her shoulders. "That's the only logical explanation I can see, or maybe I have done or said something that upset him too much without meaning to and he doesn't dare tell me."

"You'd have the explanation if you got inside his mind," Antonia reminded her.

"But I don't want to do that," she said.

They all knew why she didn't want to do that, it wasn't the first and wouldn't be the last time they would talk about him and that subject, so there was no need to remind them.

At the beginning, when they were together with all the group, she would catch Bob looking at her, and their gazes would cross — not when they were on a mission, but when they were in calmer, more domestic settings she would sometimes smile at him, but he would always, no matter the situation or the place, look away seriously and quickly. Now it was she who looked at him from a distance, and he didn't even look her in the eye when she spoke. Luckily they both tried to be cordial in group, not wanting to make the others uncomfortable — they didn't speak directly but they spoke, and if someone were looking from the outside, probably no one would notice what was, or rather, what was not between them.

The one she did speak directly to and make eye contact with was Void, the few times they were together. He even dared to come dangerously close to her and scan her from top to bottom without any disguise whatsoever. It didn't bother her — even though she knew it wasn't technically him, she found the difference curious and it was better than nothing. It wasn't him, but his body was the same.

She knew she probably shouldn't make a big deal out of the situation, if he didn't want to get along with her for whatever reason that was his problem, but she couldn't help but feel frustrated. She wanted to get along with him — not because she felt the need to make everyone think well of her, but for the sake of coexistence and above all because she did like him, even if it didn't make sense.

It was on a sleepless night that she approached the answer that was keeping her awake — as she couldn't sleep as the hours passed she became thirsty, so she quietly left her bed and her bedroom for the kitchen to get something to drink. It was when she reached the living room on her way down the stairs to the first floor of the complex that she saw that the chandeliers were on, and stopped dead in her tracks as she saw Bob walking away from the kitchen, heading towards where she was in just his pyjama bottoms. When he noticed her he stopped in front of her and looked at her in surprise, but quickly changed his expression — she knew it wasn't him anymore.

"It's been a long time," she said in a calm tone, slowly approaching him.

"You can visit me if you miss me so much," he said in his typical mocking smile and tone, slowly approaching her as well. "As easy as knocking on Bob's door and waiting for me to open it for you," she laughed, snorting through her nose as she folded her arms.

"He'd have a heart attack."

"I'm here to protect him," and that answer made her furrow her brows in frustration and curiosity.

"Why doesn't he like me?" she asked once and for all. She didn't really want to discuss the subject with him, it was personal and emotional, but clearly she couldn't ask Bob directly either. "Why do you have to protect him from me? I don't understand."

"You've never entered his mind?" he asked still with that mocking tone, as if it was ridiculous for him to ask such a question because she could easily get the answer doing that.

"No, I'd rather not, if possible..."

"Afraid of not making it, as in my case?" He asked, reminding her of the time she tried it when he got out of control and blacked out Manhattan.

"It's not that," she said, rolling her eyes, "I don't like to do it, specially with people I'm close to."

"Then you'll never get an answer."

"Let me talk to him," she pleaded.

"Why so much interest in him?" he asked slightly more serious and even a little annoyed. "At least I like you."

"Is that another reason why I can never be alone with him?" she asked surprised and confused by the sudden and ambiguous confession.

"Maybe," he replied mockingly again.

He was starting to get on her nerves, but at the same time she couldn't help raising her eyebrows and laughing incredulously, looking in another direction. In their conversations there always came a moment when she didn't know whether to give in or play along, but that night she decided to play along.

"Oh yeah?" she asked looking at him, imitating his tone and dropping her arms.

"Yeah."

"I don't think you like me as much as you say you do," and she wasn't partly lying, but she wanted to know how much truth there was in his words.

"Do you want me to prove it to you?" He asked daring to stand dangerously close to her as he lowered his gaze to her lips. She was surprised by his proposal and his boldness, but decided to be expressionless at the moment.

"Alright," she replied averting her gaze to his lips and being aware of what was likely to happen a few seconds later. What she didn't expect was for him to bring his fingers to her chin to lift it even higher as he closed the small distance between their lips.

They got straight to the point: the kiss was intense and desperate from the start. Unconsciously she moaned and brought her hands to his shoulders as he brought the hand that cupped her chin to one of her cheeks, and with the other he pulled her closer to him by her waist.

When they parted for lack of air he raised his hand to turn off the lights with his powers, and then grabbed her hand and guided her hurriedly to his bedroom, where in complete darkness they quickly took off all their clothes and got into bed to continue kissing there, with him on top of her. When he tired of kissing her lips he settled down next to her to kiss her neck while he slid his fingertips down her abdomen, creating little spasms until he reached where he wanted: her clitoris.

He began to move his index finger in circles. Her breathing began to hitch, and she tried not to moan, but it was impossible. She bit her lip and put a hand to her mouth to silence herself, but he grabbed her with his free hand, intertwined her fingers and placed it against the mattress.

"There's no reason to hold back, the walls are theoretically sound proof," he said against her neck, tickling her with his voice. He was loving her moans, and he was getting hard just listening to her moan and feeling her writhe in pleasure beneath her, and she could easily feel it against her thigh.

Wanting more he began to move his finger faster, making her moan more often and harder. She also began to feel a warmth inside her abdomen moving down to her crotch and she began to spasm harder — it was obvious to both of them what was happening. She ended up exhausted even though she had done nothing, having to catch her breath.

Then he released her and slid down, where he put his hands on her thighs to spread them open and kissed his way down to her crotch. Noticing what he intended to do she opened her eyes like plates and blushed like hell, almost having to stifle a gasp of shock — she wouldn't complain about not having to do anything and be sexually pleasured, but she was embarrassed to have someone get that close there. He was a first in that sense, none of the few men in her sexual history had dared to do so — unfortunately it wasn't common for normal men, but he was clearly not a normal man, in many ways.

Unconsciously her hips bucked against his mouth and nose, and her body began to tremble as he thrust his tongue into her, making her even wetter than she already was inside. She closed her eyes, threw her head back and grabbed him by his long hair, tousling it even more. She found it hard not to writhe in pleasure and he could tell she was about to make her climax again by her uncontrollable moans, which grew louder as she clung even tighter to him.

After that he climbed on top of her and she noticed him settling back on top of her and between her legs, and she cooperated by wrapping her legs around his back. He didn't put on a condom as he knew it wasn't necessary.

He slid the tip of his member across her entrance as if he were painting on a canvas with a brush, causing her lips to open slightly, and then he inserted his member slowly, causing her to clutch at his back. She was very wet, but it was still hard to make her way in. "Fuck, you're tight..." he growled, his forehead resting on her shoulder and making her blush. "I thought you Black Widows had a lot of experience."

"What a subtle way to call me a slut," she said now slightly offended as he began to thrust into her, slower and then faster. Her moans were rising again, as she heard his hips grinding against her buttocks, and most of all, the bed frame bumping against the wall and the wetness inside her.

She decided not to hold back her moans as he began to thrust harder and faster, and soon after she felt that warm sensation again, moving down her belly and into her crotch. A few more thrusts and they were both on the verge of orgasm — she was moaning uncontrollably from her throat and begging him to please make her cum as she arched her back and tightened her fingers. He finished the same way, sighing and cumming inside her as her walls closed around him, her hips spasming before coming to a complete stop.

When they were done, exhausted and lying on their backs, they stared at the pitch black ceiling as they caught their breath.

"Okay, so..." she said suddenly, now calmer and after wiping herself with a packet of tissues that he took out of one of the drawers of the small table next to the bed. "You like me sexually, that's for sure, but... In general, why do you like me?"

"You're very curious," he said laughing quietly, "aren't you?" he asked as he turned his neck to the left even though he couldn't see her.

"If you were- if you two were" she corrected herself quickly, adding Bob to the equation as she did the same with her neck, only to the right, "clearer, I wouldn't have so many doubts," she said slightly annoyed.

"Well," he turned his neck towards the ceiling again, "you're attractive in many ways and you're the most powerful one here- after me, of course."

"Of course..." she repeated sarcastic, doing the same. "Thank you, I suppose...? Though I'm not the most powerful among the others by far."

"That's what you think," he said surprisingly serious, "but you have potential. Maybe with proper training you could have gotten into my mind back then."

After that she was silent and thoughtful for a few seconds, and decided to change the subject.

"When... can I talk to Bob?" she asked turning sideways.

"Do you really want to talk to him right now?" he grumbled, to which she now laughed quietly.

"No, but soon, okay?" she said poking him in the arm.

"Okaaay, okay."

She was exhausted, and he let her sleep there, in his bed. They both suffered from insomnia, but after all they had done, falling asleep was easier, especially for her. She was the first to fall asleep and the last to wake up — the last to fall asleep was Void, and the first to wake up was Bob.

He woke up slowly, and opened his eyes in surprise and confusion when he noticed that he was completely naked. The confusion got worse when he noticed someone next to him, and that someone wasn't just anyone — it was _______ and just like him she was naked, he could see it because there was some morning light coming in through the window of the bedroom. He blushed and panicked, having her there with him and guessing what happened in the night between her and Void. As usual he didn't remember anything and thought that, as usual, Void would take control of his body — but to his surprise he didn't, so he panicked even more.

He stretched out his arm until he could reach for his mobile phone on the small table to his right, trying not to move too much or make too much noise so that the sleeping woman to his left would not wake up. He looked at the time, but that wasn't really the information he wanted to get — he wanted to go to the notes app in case there was a message from Void explaining the situation, but there was nothing there. The situation took a turn for the worse when he noticed her stretch and move towards him, curling up next to him.

"Good morning," she whispered tiredly, her eyes still closed.

"Uh... Good morning...?" he asked extremely confused, almost scared.

The moment she heard that, noticing his change of tone and his complete confusion, she opened her eyes wide and sat up, not caring that she was bare-chested and looking at him just as confused and scared as he was.

"Bob?" she asked nervously.

"Um yeah," he answered and did the same.

"Oh God, that bastard appears and disappears at the worst times!" She exclaimed annoyed, referring to Void as she sat cross-legged under the sheets.

"Tell me about it..." He whispered, "What... happened last night?"

"Oh, well..." She blushed as she remembered what happened, averting her gaze in another direction as she bit her lip. "A lot of things, actually..." she laughed nervously.

"I mean, you don't have to give me all those details," he said nervously and blushed as he sat down in the same way as her, "I just want to know what led to this..."

"Okay, so..." She sighed deeply and prepared to launch into the monologue that would be the explanation. "Well, I was having trouble falling asleep so I went to the kitchen to get a drink," she said looking into his eyes, but she got nervous so she looked down, and she wasn't the only one as he did the same while listening to her explanation, "but there I ran into you and Void appeared, then we greeted each other and mentioned you. He said that he protects you from me and that confused me, even more because I've been annoyed for months now by the fact that you've been ghosting me and whenever we're alone he literally always appears..." She said, gesturing with her hand and looking in another direction. "I wanted to talk to you about it but since I couldn't I asked him, and he asked me if I'd gone into your mind..." he tensed and looked at her again, even though she was crestfallen. "I said no, not because I can't as in his case, but because I don't want to, it seems to me an intrusion..." she said, now looking in the other direction. "Like sneaking into someone's house," she shrugged her shoulders. "So, all of a sudden... I think he confessed to me that he likes me...?" she asked confused, now finally looking him in the eyes — he was listening to her intently, but also confused, surprised and embarrassed. "Because he told me that and that literally that maybe that was also a reason why he always showed up when we were alone," she said looking down again and pointing at him with one hand, "so I decided to play along and he told me that if I didn't think he liked me that much he could show me, so we kissed, came here and... Well, the rest is history," she looked back into his eyes as she laughed nervously and shrugged, waiting for him to finally say something, but he was too busy sighing deeply and taking it all in to say anything.

"So, let's be clear... You really wanted to...?" He gestured with his hand, pointing at her with his index finger and then at his chest, and so on a couple of times.

"What?" she asked confused. "Fuck? Uh yeah, you're- you two are hot, and I had three orgasms..." she whispered, smiling but blushing.

"Oh..." he said surprised and blushing. "I'm glad, I guess..." She nodded silently and slowly, and they both stood in silent, crestfallen for a few seconds, not knowing what to do or say.

"Um, Bob..." she said nervously to get his attention as she craned her neck to look at him, and he did the same, "Have I ever done or said anything to you...? Or do you hate me because I'm a mutant...?" she said trying to hide her distress as much as possible, wanting to make it seem more like curiosity, but her tone and facial expression really gave her away.

"Hate you!?" he asked nervously. "No no, for God's sake! I don't hate you."

"Then... Why don't you talk to me? Why don't you look at me? Why do you disappear every time we're alone?" she asked as her voice broke and her eyes began to water. It broke his heart to see her like this, so vulnerable because of him: she was literally naked in body and soul.

"I... I'm afraid of your power," he confessed chagrined and defeated as she looked at him without understanding what he was referring to. "My mind it's a chaos, and... I don't want anyone to see that part of me nor my past, especially you all... Knowing that you have the power to do it and that you can't get into Void's mind... Two plus two equals four, I guess... Even when we're in a group I try to think of other things in case you're hearing my thoughts."

"I've never gone into your mind or any of the team's," she said shaking her head, "I don't generally like to do it because of what I said before, it's very invasive and none of my business... I wouldn't want anyone to enter my mind without my permission, without warning. I only do it on missions. And I don't listen to your thoughts or anyone else's, otherwise I wouldn't be able to go anywhere. That's more like... Mm..." She paused to look for a good example, "like going on Spotify and hitting play on a song — you have to go into the song and hit the button, if you don't you don't hear it..."

"Good to know..." he said sighing deeply again, but calmer.

"Yeah..." she did the same.

"I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time, I really couldn't imagine it was affecting you so much..." he said embarrassed.

"Don't worry about it anymore, the past it's in the past," she said trying to smile in a convincing way.

"Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

"Void made up for enough last night, but if you want another round..." She joked, causing him to blush again, more than at any point in the entire conversation. "I'm kidding!" but she wasn't completely kidding. "Let's get some breakfast, come on," she said as she laughed.

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rafey-baby · 8 months ago

Text

clumsy!reader is still bad at yoga and yoga instructor!rafe wants to keep her all to himself...

c/w: rafe being touchy & blatantly flirting w her, him getting jealous, slightly suggestive, reader being oblivious, 18+ mdni!

wc: 1.9k

idk if anyone missed him but he's back & better than ever !! (after a small vacation that ended up being almost 3 months :D)

some parts are more or less inspired by this, this, this & this ask

part 1

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Rafe is in the midst of helping someone fix their posture when he hears the gates of heaven opening in the form of a melodious giggle chiming from the back of the room. He lifts his head in order to detect the source of such a vibrant sound; noticing that his favorite client is currently directing her attention towards some guy next to her.

The joyful expression she’s sporting makes a scowl paint over his features. Why is this random man making her laugh like that?

“Yeah, you got it. Just keep workin’ on it though,” he quickly dismisses the person he was helping before stomping over to find her practically lying on the floor with the guy’s hands on her calf, along with his mat pulled far too close to hers for Rafe’s liking.

“I think you should bend it more here, right? I’m honestly not too sure,” the guy chuckles as he tries to figure out what she’s doing wrong.

“No cause I have no idea how everyone else makes it seem so easy. It’s so hard to get it right, I feel so stupid half the time,” she complains with a huff, not even noticing Rafe looming within earshot.

“Seriously, I thought this was a beginner’s class but it feels like some of these poses are meant for like literal pros,” he continues with a shake of his head.

“I know, right?” another peal of laughter bubbles from her throat as she shifts into a seated position, giving up altogether.

“Everything alright?” Rafe doesn’t mean for his tone to come out so clipped but there’s something in the way the guy’s touching her so freely that makes his hands curl into fists.

He keeps reminding himself over and over again that this is a client, which means that he can’t just smash his face in— no matter how severely his fingers are itching for it right about now.

“Oh, I was just trying to help her with this,” the guy explains in tandem with her head turning to look at Rafe. She seems startled.

“Well, why don’t you focus on your own form for a change? I mean, s’kinda my job to help her, yeah?” he scoffs, making the guy halt his movements in a state of surprise before he's lifting his hands up in apology.

“Damn, sorry dude,” he mutters out from under his breath while Rafe merely glares at him with the words stay professional bouncing around his skull.

A tense silence follows, making her grow quiet while she takes slow sips from her water bottle as a distraction; wondering why he seems so bothered to see her talking to someone else.

However, when he finally turns his attention towards her, she shrugs it off as him merely having a bad day because it seems like the only logical explanation to her. Because at the end of the day, him being jealous makes as much sense to her as her math homework in high school.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Rafe is convinced that the universe is purposefully trying to poke and prod at his limits, giving his carefully curated facade opportunities to crack— allowing for the borderline psychotic aspects of his personality to breathe through the crevices. Because only a week later, Rafe sees her entering the gym with another guy she seems to be awfully friendly with.

“That’s crazy, I don’t even wanna know what Kie said to that,” she rolls her eyes jokingly while he’s showing her something on his phone.

”Yeeeah, guess you could say she wasn’t the biggest fan,” he laughs in a carefree manner, raking a hand through his disheveled, sand-colored hair.

“For some reason I’m not surprised,” she mutters out before she notices Rafe standing in the hallway leading to the yoga class. “Oh, gotta go so I’m not late. See you after?”

“Yeah, I’ll be here. Think Pope said he’s gonna join me for leg day, so we’ll see if I’m still standing when you get back. But you have fun,” he offers her a wave before walking away towards the locker rooms.

And at last, her warm eyes meet Rafe’s. “Hi,” her voice is soft, nearly shy; a stark contrast to her demeanor only a few seconds ago.

“Hey,” he greets her in a casual manner, although his mind is somewhere else entirely. “So, that your boyfriend or?” he tries to approach the subject with nonchalance because it’s not necessarily any of his business.

He’s not even sure why he’s asking— keeps telling himself that he’s just curious and tries to appear friendly by making small talk. After all, some clients have given him feedback on his apparently intimidating aura, claiming they don’t always have the courage to ask for his help because they get anxious he’ll judge them. Therefore, it's something he’s been trying to work on.

“What? Oh, JJ? No, he’s just a friend. He goes to the gym here, so I usually just tag along with him. Free ride, right?” she answers with a lighthearted tone.

“Right. Yeah,” he scratches at the back of his neck, contemplating whether or not to ask the next question since he doesn’t want to overstep any boundaries. However, there’s something deep in his stomach that grumbles at the prospect of her being in a relationship, makes him feel nearly insane and ultimately, makes the decision for him.

“You, uh, you got one?”

“What?” she asks, features coated in confusion.

“A boyfriend, I mean,” his gaze is unwavering, eager.

“Oh, um— no, I don’t. Why?” her puzzled eyes flit over the lines of his countenance, seemingly trying to grasp onto his motives.

“Just, uh…wondering. I mean, he’d be kind of a dick if he’s not drivin’ you here himself,” he shrugs, a strange sort of relief making his shoulders feather-light when she lets out an airy giggle in response.

“Yeah, honestly sometimes wish I had one just so he could drive me around and stuff,” she jokes while they begin to pad over to the class.

“You don’t have your license yet?” he raises his brows in surprise.

“No, I do. I just don’t really like driving. I don’t know why but it’s so stressful to me. Usually try to avoid it as much as I can,” she elaborates while gathering her hair away from her face and securing the strands into a ponytail.

“Oh yeah? Well, if you ever need a ride home just let me know, alright?” he says, fighting the urge to tuck a loose tendril that has managed to escape the restraints of her hair tie back behind her ear.

“Really? That’s so sweet of you! But, um, wouldn’t wanna be a bother,” the hesitation is present in her voice.

“Nah, couldn’t bother me if you tried,” he promises, wishing they could talk for longer. However, the ocean of people flooding inside the room behind them cuts their conversation short.

“You’re just saying that,” she dismisses him with a playful scoff.

“M’being for real. You’re my favorite face around here. Plus, makes my job more fun when you’re always stumblin' on your feet,” he can’t help his mouth from twisting upwards at the way her eyes round out in response to his words.

“Shut up. I’m gonna go set down my mat now, before there’s only space right in front of you,” she offers him a giddy smile that makes him grin like an idiot. Then, she’s tiptoeing away from him in order to locate a vacant spot.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Rafe has become awfully familiar with these newfound feelings of fondness for the girl who’s by far the most helpless little bambi he’s ever encountered. He thinks she should honestly pick another hobby at this point, because maybe yoga just isn’t meant for her. However, he’d never say any of that out loud because even the thought of not seeing her getting all flustered while she loses her balance whenever he’s near makes him feel physically unwell.

He’s not entirely sure whether her apparently oblivious brain simply hasn’t caught onto the fact that he so clearly has a thing for her, or if she’s well aware and merely chooses to be a tease about it. Nonetheless, the moment she walked into the class today, he could feel his workout shorts tightening and all she’d offered him was a simple smile.

And now she’s right in front of him, all tangled limbs and pretty eyes blinking up at him— practically begging for his guidance and for him to put his hands all over her (something she doesn’t seem to mind all that much).

“You put this cute little set on just for me, huh?” he rasps out while his thumb smooths over the bubblegum pink fabric; feeling it out as he pinches the stretchy fabric between his fingertips, making her breath get caught in her throat in the process.

“Oh, um— just wanted to…try out some new stuff I ordered. You think it’s cute?” she stares at him with something bashful glimmering in her eyes.

“Mhm. Fits you nice,” he mumbles out as his gaze lingers on the way the tight material wraps around her figure, not leaving much to the (his) imagination. He bets it’d be so easy to just rip right through these cute yoga pants and pull her closer with a firm grip on her hips before burying his face between her plush thighs.

“Thanks,” she peeps out, flustered.

He tries to shake off the improper, filthy thoughts with a clear of his throat when he gets caught staring at her for a little too long.

“So, you actually wanna bend your leg on the other side of your body on the mat and support your foot with your left arm not the right one. Easy to get them confused,” he chuckles as she shifts her position according to his instructions as best as she can.

“Like this?” she seeks reassurance with a soft tone.

“Yeah, just like that, Bambi. Good job,” his mouth quirks up some while her mind begins to cloud over in response to his low cadence. She’s not entirely sure what exactly it is about him that makes her feel so fuzzy on the inside, but she thinks it’s nice, thinks she wants to always have him this close to her— wants him even closer.

She doesn’t remember the last time she’s had such an intense crush on someone— slowly turning into a crazy person by each second of not knowing whether he’s merely flirting with her for his own amusement or because he’s actually into her. However, she thinks she’s embarrassed herself in front of him far too many times for the latter to be true in any reality.

“Then need you to move your right hand here,” he adjusts her form with a grip on her wrist while he maneuvers her to his liking; tingles erupting all over the skin he skims over with his fingertips.

Her head is spinning.

“See? Knew you could do it. Feels nice, hm?” he rumbles out, letting his hands rest on her shoulders for support, despite the position not really requiring it.

She hums her response because she doesn’t trust for any coherent words to stumble out of her mouth at the moment, all the while Rafe is desperately trying to not pay attention to the nearly painful situation in his pants.

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