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crimeronan · 1 year

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I feel like I would consider myself polyamory agnostic in a way, like I would maybe like for it to happen but I often fear that I don't have the ability to manage even one partnership, let alone multiple relationships, since I am often. So tired. I often find myself idealizing the "late" stage of a relationship when everyone already has settled into what to expect of each other and knows not to take it personally if someone falls asleep mid movie, for example. All this to say, how do you handle your relationship structure as a disabled/chronically ill person? Do you have any advice/thoughts on how it works for you? (I feel like perhaps you have posted about this before and I am just forgetting...)

oh this is a really good question! i'm not sure how relevant my life experience will be to you, particularly given that i started dating all three of my current partners before becoming disabled/crippled. but i am happy to share!

first off -- i 100% get romanticizing the late stage of relationships, sometimes you just need things to be chill and flexible. but i also don't think that this stage necessarily Needs to be reserved for Late Relationships?

like.... the older i get, the more upfront i've decided to be about my needs, especially with new people. granted, a lot of the people i meet these days are either disabled themselves or Get It -- my social circle is mostly queer spoonies in their 20s and 30s + much much older retirees that i hang out with at the local pool.

some people prefer not to be so open so quickly about their limitations, it is hard and scary to be visibly disabled, harder still to ask for help & admit that you might be inconvenient / a burden / take up extra space. this USED to be me until i said. eh. fuck it. after a certain point, wounded pride is just a mental construct

basically, like. when i'm online these days, you'll see me be clear about my limits with strangers - i'll say that if i stop replying to chats or asks, it's not bc i hate you, it's bc i'm tired or forgetful. that i can't guarantee responses to ppl, even people i'm already friendly with. that if my mood is bad or my pain levels are high, i won't engage in much social interaction at All. that my capabilities fluctuate wildly depending on the day and that i cannot be relied upon for consistent scheduling or posting or creative output

i'm similarly open with people irl. it helps that i'm often using mobility aids when i'm talking to people. the mobility aids sorta strip the possibility of pretending not to be disabled. it's kinda the elephant in the room. but it means that i can be like, "as you can see, i am very crippled. i may need flexibility with any plans that we make. due to being very crippled."

if people get upset by this or simply don't have the capacity to deal with it, that is fine! that's not either of our faults, no one's done anything wrong, we're just not in the right circumstances to mesh. i don't get hurt by that personally. i've honestly found that it saves SO much time and hassle and potential drama/heartache to set expectations right away. the only other option is to exhaust myself and end up failing to meet expectations regardless and losing the friendship after burning up a bunch of energy and social bridges. painful and bad!

so like... i can meet a new person, and if they're cool with My Whole Deal, then there's no waiting period before we're familiar enough for flaky behavior. i can be like, "i'm not sure i'll be able to walk tonight, is there a place to sit down at the event?" or "i'm flaring a little, is it okay for us to be kinda flexible about tomorrow's schedule?" or "hey, i'll get back to you as soon as possible i promise, i'm just fogged TO SHIT today [peace sign]" from day 1. it's great

i'm not saying that you Have to do this; i am aware that it breaches like seventeen laws of general social etiquette. i'm just saying that i have met many people who are totally chill about this! as long as you're chill and respectful of the other person as well, you can do whatever you want forever

that was not even relevant to the initial ask, so. AS FOR MY PARTNERS.

i actually don't find that my illness makes it harder to navigate my relationships at all. like i mentioned, i've been with all three partners for Many Many Years now. we know each other Extremely well, we're all extremely turbo autistic, we all have blunt communication down to a science. so saying "i'm not up for doing [x thing] tonight, can we take a rain check?" is super easy.

in fact, my partners can basically intuit a flare from just my physical movements and tone of voice, even before i say a single word. we are VERY familiar with each other.

.....and, alright. after fighting the urge to longpost i've decided to put the rest under a cut. YOU'RE WELCOME 4 THE RETURN OF YOUR DASHBOARDS. "why didnt you put it under a cut so much earlier" read my posts boy

anyway. click readmore to hear me expand upon just how fucking incredible and awesome and kind and generous and loving my People are

there ARE some ways that the illness has made it more difficult for ME to be the kind of partner that i want to be -- for example, i often lack the energy to provide proper emotional support during stressful situations, i have a shorter threshold for pain/irritation than i used to, i can't give 100% of my energy anymore and there have been times when that has resulted in hurt feelings in my partners.

(there have been far more times, though, when nobody's feelings are hurt and it's literally fine.)

in every case where feelings DID get hurt, we've talked stuff out and fixed it within like an hour. bc we all trust each other and know that we don't WANT to hurt each other's feelings. i never ever Ever say things with the intention of wounding my partners, and they know that. they never say things with the intention of wounding me, either, which is why our very blunt "hey, you need to change something you're doing" convos go so well. there's no need to tiptoe, it doesn't hurt me to know what they're thinking or feeling or needing.

sometimes things are just hard and shitty and we're all doing the best we can. this is just part of adulthood i think. especially adulthood in late stage capitalism, etc. the Biggest key to my polycule is that we are all much happier as a family than we would be without each other. the relationships are about as wholesome and healthy and non-toxic and openly communicative as they can get

the Other key aspect when dealing with my illness is that.... being polyamorous has actually been... SOOOOOO MUCH BETTER than being 1) alone, OR 2) in a monogamous relationship EVER WOULD BE?

it is Extremely Stressful for my family to deal with me being this sick. i am aware of that. but i haven't had to bear the brunt of it. not only do they support me, but they also all communicate with and support each other. so no one person is bearing the entire weight of the stress or pain or fear. and i don't have to comfort people over my own symptoms, which most disabled ppl i think would agree is.... exhausting

when i'm too fucked up to speak aloud, let alone support my partners the way i usually do, they ALWAYS have EACH OTHER as a safety net.

this safety net has been beyond vital for me personally, too. round-the-clock care from a single partner is insane and exhausting and leads to unraveling tempers. but when you live with two partners who can help cover your chores and cook and make sure you don't die of your Symptoms (TM)? that's much more doable.

it's HARD, bc literally everyone in the house is disabled to some degree, but it's doable. (it being hard is part of why my QPR is going to move in with us soon. extra hands!)

a few weeks ago, rafi (partner of 7ish years) went on a short vacation to visit family in california. and justice (QPR of 3ish years, best friend of 8ish years) booked an impromptu next-day plane ticket to come stay with me and vi (partner of 11ish years) while rafi was gone. because i was Very Sick. i was flaring horribly the whole time she was here, and she made meals and cleaned and ran errands and picked up medications and returned phone calls and lay in bed with me watching low-stakes tv shows and made sure i didn't stroke out without anyone there to help.

this meant that i basically got to stay in bed the whole time, which was very very Very needed. and vi -- who has a bad back -- wasn't unduly taxed with Literally All of the household upkeep in rafi's absence.

the same principle has applied when i've needed my partners to help cover my share of bills or my household chores or my errands or whatever. since there are three other people involved, the Immediate Support Net is much wider than in a monogamous relationship. especially bc all three of them have their own familial and friend support networks to reach out to!

having more people around is actually awesome for me. i don't feel like i'm expending a lot more energy than i would in a monogamous relationship, but i AM receiving a TON more support and care and love than would be possible in a monogamous relationship.

i guess the conclusion i'd make is: no man is an island, humans are hardwired to build large social support groups, and in a good relationship, you'll receive At Least as much as you give. right now i'm receiving a SHIT TON MORE than i give, and i do often feel pretty bad about it despite knowing it's not my fault.

but these people have chosen to be my family. and if they ever want to stop choosing me then they absolutely can. and if they need more from me or they need something Different from me, then they'll literally just tell me.

(i know they will literally just tell me because all three of them have literally just told me in the past. they're three people i can implicitly trust to say things like "hey, this thing you said made me sad / was unhelpful" and "hey, i'm really stressed out about [x thing], can we make a plan to deal with it?" and "hey, this situation is pretty serious and i know that you don't want to face it but i really need you to. i will take on whatever i can for you and support you the whole time")

so: yes it has been hard to some extent, managing three relationships while also being sick. but it is also a wonderful setup with a million unthought-of advantages & i am much better cared-for and much better AT caring because of it & i fucking Shudder to think how horrific being sick would be without them.

i love my family so much.

#long post #replies #polyamory #this barely scratches the surface bc it's just a few examples of how our dynamics work but hopefully it is clarifying #polyamory is an advantage that has saved my Entire Ass. my partners are wonderful.#all relationships do take work but my three relationships don't take So Much Work that there's no benefit you know #the work is really easy. it's just. you take care of me when i need it and you can. i take care of you when you need it and i can #that's literally it. it's not a hard symbiosis to maintain #autoimmune tag

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fortheloveofexy · 8 months

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I AM GOING TO MURDER U

I JS FINISHED UR FIC MORE THAN WORDS

AND OH-EM-GEE

ITS SO GOOD BRO

BUT WTH AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH LIFE NOW WHEN ITS ENDED AT SUCH A CLIFFHANGER

I RLLY WANNA SEE HOW THINGS WILL TURN OUT IN THE FUTURE FOR AARON AND NEIL, IM ASSUMINH THEYLL STILL END UP AS FOXES, BUT DO U PLAN ON STILL PUTTING NEIL AND ANDREW TOGETHER?!?

OMGGG I JS REMEMBERED THIS ONE ANGSTY POST I RESD ABT NEIL AND AARON AND IM SO SENDIBG IT TO U FOR UHH IDEA OURPKSES YK, NOT AT ALL TO BREAK THE READERS HEARTS ( mine included) AND U COULD LIKE DO SMTH SIMILAR TO THAT POST IN UR FIC OR LIKE MAYBE A SEQUEL SO WE CAN SEE HOW THE FUTURE TURNS OUT FOR NEIL AND AARON AND IM STILL YELLING-

uhh let's js um-🤠🤠

I completely blame u for this, my brain broke aseell as my heart when I saw that cliffhanger

Ill find the post I was talking abt and I'll text it to u and u can decide if u wanna use ut in ur fic or not

SKSKDJFJ sorry to leave you hanging like that! The fic was put on hold because I decided to go back to uni, but now that I've graduated I can finally get back to it again :)

I promise there is more coming for this fic, I have so much more plotted out and planned for it, plus loads more that's written and just waiting in the drafts for me to come back to it. That said, feel free to send me your ideas 👀 I can't guarantee any of them will make it in since I already have the entire thing plotted out, but who knows! Maybe I'll work it in somehow.

I'm planning to return to the fic and start writing it again as soon as I get this last chapter of Across The Sea finished up, so hopefully you won't have to wait too terribly long for the continuation.

#asks #ask crow

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misteria247 · 10 months

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A little bit of a vent on my health issue as well as the cause of it. Please feel free to ignore this I just need to talk for a moment given the day today and try to wrap my head around this-

So awhile back I started dealing with a reoccurring health problem that I've been dealing with since I was 12 years old. This health issue is not life threatening but it's been stressful and painful to deal with. This health issue is known as a pilonidal cyst. It's a cyst that develops at the tailbone/lower spinal area. It's rather embarrassing and incredibly gross but at the same time it's just how my life works so anyways-

Because of this health issue I'd had to get surgery twice within my lifetime to try and keep it from coming back. Once when I was 12, and once when I was in my high school years. And for awhile it stayed away until a few years ago it'd came back for a third time. And for awhile I've dealt with it, taking antibiotics and calling off from work to rest and not push myself when it gets bad. Why am I talking about this you ask?

Well at the beginning of this week, that same health issue came up, and basically the entire rest of the week I've been either struggling to walk, have been having trouble sitting on my butt in certain positions and have had major back pain because of it. When Tuesday/Wednesday rolled around it busted and I believed that I'd get better since it was starting to drain.

I was wrong.

As soon as it busted, I've been incredibly ill. I've been getting headaches, fevers, and horrendous bouts of nausea. So much so that I've had to call off every day of work and I had to call my doctor to get antibiotics which is the usual drill when this happens. However this time it was different, my doctor had personally asked me if I could come into the office in person asap. Which leads to today.

I go to the doctor and get checked out and long story short I get basically told this.

My scar tissue is having a newer, slightly bigger cyst developing underneath. So much so that he strongly recommends that I get the surgery. He also wants me off from work for the rest of this week as well as next week, well after Thanksgiving to try and heal from the infection of said cyst as well as have the antibiotics do their job and get an appointment set up to meet with the surgeon they've referred me to.

I've went to this surgeon before for an earlier referral, however I'd refused to do the surgery because at the time my cyst wasn't exactly needing that kind of medical care. It was manageable. That and unlike the other two surgeons I'd went to in the past, this one was actually honest with me and told me that even if I'd gotten this surgery, it wasn't a complete guarantee that I'd be rid of this horrible thing. That sometime down the line in my lifetime it could actually come back and we'd have to do surgery again. So back in August I'd told them that I wouldn't do it because in my mind, it just seemed like an absolute waste of time especially given that I could very well end up in the same position once again later within my life. That and I was just so tired of it, it'd be the third time I'd be doing this insanity.

But now it's unavoidable. Because it's getting a new cyst beneath the scar tissue and it's gotten bigger and it's gotten to a point where it's quite literally fucking with my life and way of living. Am I upset about this development?

Absolutely.

In fact I'm currently trying not to break down, just feeling completely numb to the situation. I want to scream, I want to curse, I want to break something, but I also just want to curl up into a ball underneath my blankets and just stay there till this nightmare is over and done with.

I hate it, I hate it so much. That this stupid cyst has been haunting me since sixth grade, that I can't ever seem to be free from it and that I'll always have reminders of it. Whether it's in physical form or in scars on my tailbone and lower back. I just want a fucking break from all the bullshit of this year, from all the health issues that seem to never end. I don't want to be sick anymore, or be in pain constantly anymore.

I just want to be normal and not deal with this anymore.

I have no idea how I'm even going to make this work, how I'm going to earn money while I recover from this surgery whenever I finally get it. I've got bills to pay and mouths to help feed, pets to take care of and not to mention the holidays and whatnot. The only good thing is that I've got my family supporting me during all this, as well as an incredible boss who's been the most understanding and patient woman I've ever had the pleasure to work for.

I don't know what the future will bring, and honest to God I'm worried as well as frustrated with everything but hopefully things will work out in the end. Also I know that it's selfish of me to ask y'all this, but please pray for me, cuz I'm gonna need all the help I can get with this entire situation.

#oli talks #ooc #muns ramblings #mindless ramblings of a madman #personal #vent post #venting kinda #medical issues #I'm just so damn tired of it all sometimes

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b4ts1e · 10 months

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So- I as relistening to BitterSweet from YuuriVoice and had a few ideas on some one-shots from it. Imma write those when I can, but I figured I should update ya'll on a few things first. (No BitterSweet did not have anything to do with what I'm gonna talk about, just reminded me to update for you all.)

Warning- this may get a tad bit personal and may trigger people who have had similar experiences. (This is why there will be no tags on this post, also- reblogs have been turned off for this post.)

To make a long story short- my mental health was in the shithole for a little bit and I was severely stressed out. I've made a few changes to my routine to better not only my mental health, but my physical health too. Things like: changing my diet, sort of fixing my sleep schedule, becoming more physically active, and basically rewriting my whole schedule.

Before hand I was falling asleep at 7am and waking up at 4pm only to take care of my basic needs before going to work and coming home and pushing myself to write or taking a day to relax and play a game. However- after a while of that I fell ill, twice. My body forced me to properly rest and when I was starting to get better, finally, someone important to me talked to me about what was going on and helped me identify it properly.

I was in a sort of out of body mode, falling into some pretty bad habits that I used to do awhile ago. The person said it was most likely a mix of a bipolar depression episode and a derealization experience. I have experienced this kind of situation before, but it lasted much longer the last time- luckily they were able to help me break out of it and assist me into taking the right steps to avoid it happening again.

Currently I am doing much better, and said person has been looking into hiring a proper therapist for me. Maybe even a psychologist if it's deemed necessary. As soon as I'm doing a tad bit better I swear I'll get back into writing publicly again- however I cannot guarantee it will be frequently. Maybe proper writing posts between 2-4 times a month, but that'll be something that starts after I become far more used to the new schedule.

Thank you all so much for your continued enjoyment of my writings, it brings a smile to my face everytime someone likes a post if mine. And thank you for your patience.

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mayberaspberrywrites · 2 years

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All I want For Christmas Is....(Diluc x Female Reader)

Prologue

[MONDAY, DECEMBER 1ST]

'Finally, all of my commissions are done.' You thought to yourself as you teleported to Mondstadt. You were playing as your main, Diluc. You reached the Adventurer's Guild, and you quickly skipped through Katherine's dialogue, eager to collect your primogems. 'Now what should I do? I suppose I could—'

"DAMN IT! Another 50/50 lost, and to Keqing out of all characters?!"

Ah. That's right. You're still at school. It's currently your off period, and your friends have all gathered in the corner of the upper commons. Junia stares at her phone, frustrated. She rolls her eyes, closing out of the wishing screen.

"Whatever. I guess that means I have a guaranteed Scaramouche now." You would tease her about her misfortune, but you remember how the last time you did that, you ended up with a Qiqi instead of a Kazuha. You cringe at the reminder. "Yeah, and maybe you'll get his weapon too!" Your friend Aspen tries to comfort Junia. "Pff, yeah, right. The weapon banner has never been nice to me. That would be a miracle!" Junia exclaims.

Unbeknownst to you, Many pairs of eyes are watching you from inside your phone. A porcelain-skinned blonde concentrates his gaze through a small device pointed towards the sky, surrounded by a few others.

"What do you see, Mr. Albedo? C‐can you hear what they're saying?" Sucrose spoke quietly, looking up at the sky. "It seems that Junia lost her Yae Miko to Keqing." Albedo responds, not looking away from the device. "Ah…a shame, really. I think it would've been fun to have another me around." A pink kitsune sighed.

'Actually, that would be for the best…' A certain furry-eared general thought. He looked towards his far left, where a man dressed in red and black stood, immersed in a conversation with 3 other people. Y/N's team. "Yes, I agree. Unfortunately, that all depends on Y/N. We don't have control over that." He spoke, unintentionally squinting his eyes. He felt eyes on him, turning his head towards the general. Gorou quickly turned back around.

Diluc suddenly felt his legs move forward. "Ah, yes, the player is back. How much longer do we have until they have to leave?" Sucrose asked the blonde. "Approximately 5 minutes Earth Time." Albedo responded again, finally looking away from the device to write down the current events. Sucrose watched over his shoulder. Albedo handed his clipboard over to Sucrose before resuming his previous task.

–

"Well, who are you saving for Y/N? Maybe the 50/50 gods will be friendlier with you." Junia joked. You thought for a moment. You didn't really have any limited characters in mind. "I don't know. All I really want are Diluc's constellations." You responded. "Please, take all of mine! I don't even use him!" Aspen groaned sarcastically. You laughed. "You know if I could, I would." Suddenly, the bell rang. Students began filling the hallways as you and your friends stood up and said your goodbyes. You soon arrived at your Chemistry class and took a seat. While your chemistry teacher passed back your tests, you closed your game and turned off your phone, ready for today's lesson.

–

"That's it everyone. Pack it up, We have work to do here in Teyvat." Everyone slowly dispersed into different directions. Diluc decided that it was time to go home and prepare for his nightly routine, saying his goodbyes to the rest of the team. With that, he was off on the trail towards Dawn Winery.

It'd been snowing a lot more recently, with Christmas being on its way. Diluc had never really been a festive person, he usually lived life day to day with no breaks unless he was ill. His boots crunched through the snow that'd coated the path, leaving footprints behind him. His thoughts began to wander as his body went on autopilot. 'It's almost Christmas. Fortunately, the monster presence around the city has begun to die down. Perhaps I'll be able to stay in the Winery and give everyone the Christmas they deserve.' The thought brought a small, brief smile to his lips. He soon arrived at the Dawn Winery, quickly greeted by Moco and Hillie, who helped him take off his coat and hang it on the rack. Diluc thanked the two before walking upstairs to his room.

–

"Pass the screwdriver." A calm voice said, holding his left hand out while scribbling something down with his right. A young woman with light green hair quickly made her way across the lab, returning with a screwdriver and handing it to the man. He turned to a huge machine, adjusting a screw, and took a few steps back. He admired his work. "Sucrose, it's done. We've done it." Sucrose stepped forward, now standing side-by-side with Albedo. Together, they examined the machine. Other than being a huge, fancy hunk of metal, it had child-like flowers painted all over it, clearly Klee's doing. Albedo let out a sigh of relief before reaching for his clipboard. "Machine…complete…22:05…12/2/22…running tests." He muttered to himself.

"Um…Mr. Albedo? You never told me exactly what this machine is supposed to do." Sucrose quietly asked, eyes glued to the machine. "Ah, yes. Allow me to explain. This machine should neutralize the barrier between Earth and Teyvat, meaning that communication and perhaps even travel between worlds will be possible. Right now, however, we can only send messages to the player and move semi-freely. Travel is…a little more complicated." Albedo responded, gesturing his hands as he spoke. Sucrose nodded in understanding, her eyes lighting up in excitement. Albedo reached for his safety goggles, placing them on his face. Sucrose did the same, stepping back from the machine.

"Get ready, Sucrose, this could be life-changing." Albedo felt a surge of excitement, something he never knew he could feel. He pressed a flower shaped button(another one of Klee's works) on the machine, watching as it turned on and charged up. Albedo then pressed another button, and the machine fired a bright white beam into the previously cut hole in the ceiling. After a few moments, a loud boom was heard, and Albedo and Sucrose ran to the lab window to look outside. The usually starry sky glowed white, and they covered their eyes before it went back to normal. Sucrose slowly opened her eyes, blinking away the spots before looking over to Albedo, who had already begun furiously scribbling onto the clipboard.

"Mr Albedo, do you think it worked?" Albedo ran to his desk, taking a deep breath before typing into a slightly smaller device and pressing send. "We're about to find out."

–

Text Received

December 2nd, XXXX

10:13PM

Unknown Number: Hello?

#diluc ragnvindr #diluc fluff #diluc #diluc x reader

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shinydixon · 2 years

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i've made the decision to leave the fandom. it's something i knew i should've done last year but i pushed through thinking it would get better but it got worse. there are amazing people here and they're very talented and incredible, but i can't no longer stand the vqs and the hellcheers that seek us out just to start shit and then act all innocent in front of grace. i've blocked a lot of the toxic people and tags but something always manages to escape and i was trying really hard to just focus on joe and steddie but it's hard when a post or tweet from a vq gets retweeted or reblogged. i'll still support and love both joe and steddie but i'll get my fix the oldschool way: using google and browsing through ao3. the thing is, i just couldn't leave without saying this. that phoenix person will meet joe soon. she will come back with all sorts of lies. there's no question here. she said she was gonna mention grace to him so you can bet your ass she'll come back saying joe told her a secret or that he confirmed he's dating grace or that he got all shy when she mentioned her name or that he said grace was the most beautiful woman in the world or that he loves hellcheer to hell and back and guess what, he was a little uncomfortable about the steddie question during that con. she WILL do this. it's a 100% guaranteed. you take one look at her blog and you know she's not just some weird, crazy fan. she is truly delusional as in mental illness delusional. so don't engage with her but DO NOT BELIEVE A SINGLE WORD SHE SAYS/WRITES. and that's it. i'm really sad i won't be keeping up with your blog anymore, shiny, because nonnies come here with twitter info or vq info and they should, i'm glad they have this space to rant or vent or just chat and i'm glad you provide it with so much kindness. but i really need a break from all of this. so thank you for everything <3

Nonnie I'll miss you 😔😭🤍

If you'll ever decide to come back you're always welcome here 🥺

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itsvengey · 2 years

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A love letter to my Bidet

Dear Bidet,

Hi friend, no, more than friends, you are so much more than that to me. On days where I screw up and eat something I shouldn't have, on days where I overestimate my tolerance to hot sauce, you are always there for me. You might not be there to stop me from making bad decisions, but you are always there to help clean up the mess.

I get to go through my day knowing that not only am I clean, but I am supported, and I appreciate that about you a lot. Through even the worst moments you have been there for me like a nice pat on the bum.

But now here we are...in just a week's time I have to leave you alone and go out into the world hoping that another toilet may treat me well because I can't take you with me. I am being forced on a business trip and it is going to be hotel toilet life for me. I won't be able to stop thinking about you, it just won't be the same. And I guarantee 1 ply will haunt my days.

Every day Ill be thinking about the moment I come back to your fountain of toots. I yearn for that moment. Until then just know that I love you a lot and I appreciate you being in my life. I will be coming back, but you have to stay strong until then. I know you can do this, you're the strongest bidet I know, I'll shed a tear for both of our sakes.

I'll be back before you know it, and then we can have our alone time once more, I promise. There are others in this house that need your expertise so treat them well while I'm gone won't you? Thank you, and with that I take my leave.

Much love, and yours truly,

Vengey's Soon To Be Bidetless Behind

#Bidet #story #letter #love letter #i love my bidet so much #i am going to be a wreck when i leave

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s0ngsandstars · 1 year

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37, 38, and 39 for the ask game?

37. If you were to be remembered only by the words you’ve put on the page, what would future historians think of you?

I've spent a while thinking about this.

I think that it'd be that I come up with a lot of ideas, but I don't often follow through with them. They'd look at it and see something that could have been, but didn't become. I'm hoping to actually finish something soon though, so maybe they'll see at least one blossom bear fruit on this tree of ideas. Also if they notice the projection, then um, they would think I'm mentally ill, and they would be correct. I think they'd also probably count me as a fantasy writer. Almost all of my ideas have fantasy elements (such as magic, powers, soulmates, supernatural/mythological creatures, etc.).

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?

I don't think any of it is really weird? The weirdest thing is probably that I almost exclusively write my stuff in wordpad initially. It doesn't have spellcheck, so... woo.. The cats probably think we're weird, lmao.

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

Wanting to give up usually means that it's time to take a break. It means that I'm exhausted, and I'm not in the right headspace to write. Taking a break and coming back with a fresh mind is likely going to help.

Also, my writing is pretty much just for me right at this point. If I want to stop, if it's truly causing me to feel so down that no amount of breaks will make me feel better about it, then I'll stop. If I want to come back to it later, then I will, and if I don't, then that's okay. Not everything needs to be finished or continued.

It is this mindset that's prevented me from publishing things though. At least not until I have the entire fic completed, even if it's multi-chapter. I want to make sure that I won't abandon a fic halfway through, and the only way for me to guarantee that is to have it completed before I even start posting. Once I get more used to writing, and more confident in completion, I do want to write something more interactive in the future.

#S Posts #Ask #bluestbluejay tag #Ask Game

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trico-cottage · 3 years

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❀Beware the Faeries -Ranboo x Reader (Platonic)-

Pairing: Ranboo x Reader (Platonic)

Gn!reader

Warnings: Angst, some language, angry Dadza

Word Count: 2,017

A/N: I'm so sorry I got super carried away for this. I only meant to make a bit of angst, and then it kept going. I'm willing to make a guaranteed fluff to make it up to everyone. Just send your requests

Part One

*Ranboo POV*

"Where did you get this?" Phil asked sternly, holding the delicate purple flower in a tight grasp. "I already told you, I got it in the forest." I replied, looking up from my journal. "Yes, 3 bloody weeks ago Ranboo. Now I'm going to ask you again. Where did you get this flower from?" Phil hisses out.

"I-I got it from someone I met while I was in the forest." I answered, scared of why he was so angry. "It's not a big deal, they were very nice, and they practiced magic as well." I told him, hoping to help relieve his worries. However, this only made Phil angrier. His eyes widen and he throws the flower to the ground, crushing it under his boot. "Phil!" I yell, jumping up while staring at the place his boot stood.

"I can't believe you were so careless. I mean, accepting a flower from a fucking fae?! Have Techno and I taught you nothing?" Phil yelled, now seeming more frantic than angry. I look up to meet his eyes, understanding his concern. "A faerie? I didn't kno-" I was cut off by Phil grabbing my shoulders. "Ranboo, you know the fae are dangerous, and you know you should never accept a bloody gift from them. They have nothing but ill intent, and now you've brought it straight into our home."

I quickly wipe my eyes on my sleeve, ridding my eyes of the burning tears before they fell. "Phil, I'm sorry, I didn't know." I say in a small voice. "They just seemed so nice, I- I didn't know." I repeat.

Techno enters the room, seeing how Phil was still gripping my shoulders. "Phil, what is all the yelling about?" He asks, his hand coming off of the axe on his hip. Phil releases me and turns to Techno. "Ranboo accepted a gift from a faerie." He explains simply. Techno tenses, walking over to us. "You're sure it was a fae, how do you know?" He asks.

Phil lifts his boot and we all look down at it. The flower is completely undamaged, returned to its original size and petals as vibrant as ever. He lets out a breath, closing his eyes and rubbing the bridge of his nose. After a moment, he lifts his head, looking back to Techno. In an unspoken agreeance, Techno leaves the room and Phil bends down to pick up the flower.

"What are you guys doing?" I ask, following Phil as he walks to the living area. "We're going to need to kill them." He said, tossing the flower into the fireplace. We both watch as the flames surround it, doing nothing to damage it. I look to Phil and meet his eyes. "What do you mean kill them? They didn't do anything." I say frantically. "What part of fae do you not fucking understand Ranboo? They are dangerous and evil creatures, and they only gave you that flower to trap you. We have to kill them to release the magic and destroy the flower. That's the only way to break the curse." Phil explains harshly.

We turn as Techno enters the room, his old iron axe in hand along with a bow and quiver of arrows for Phil. "Iron is their only known weakness, so lets hope we can brute force it." He explains, handing the archery set to Phil. My head is spinning with all of the information, and I can't do anything but watch as the two men prep for the mission.

*Reader POV*

As I'm busy cleaning some dishes, I feel crushing feeling in my chest. It wasn't painful, but I immediately knew why it happened. Ranboo had crushed the flower. I put a hand over my chest, and walk to sit at my table. Why would he have crushed it? What did I do to make him decide that?

After a few minutes, I pull myself together and go back to my chores, only to be interrupted soon after by a fiery burn in the same spot as before. I am unable to stop my fae wings from erupting into existence at the feeling. It had been years since I had last seen my wings, they stretched and fluttered upon their release. I knew that I had to follow the flower and find Ranboo to ask why. I walk from my home and leave my wings to do the rest, my instincts following the pull of the flower.

In a mere matter of minutes, I arrive at a quaint house. I land at the door and rest my hand on the wood, gathering the courage to knock. I take a deep breath and carefully knock on the door, waiting for Ranboo to answer. I hear a few voices discussing something inside, and I consider turning and going back home. My thoughts are interrupted by the door being opened harshly.

On the other side, I am greeted by a man with broad shoulders and pink hair neatly draped over his shoulder. He is wearing a mask with sharp tusks and a pig face, with deep red eyes glaring at me from behind it. I open my mouth to ask for Ranboo, but I'm unable to get a word out as the man grabs me and pulls me inside the house.

As soon as he closes the door, he harshly pushes me against it, holding me there by my throat. I struggle to grab at his arms, trying to get him to release me. As he holds me, I look past him and see Ranboo standing with another man. Ranboo looks as terrified as me while he struggles to hold back the tears brimming in his eyes.

"Why are you here, what do you want with him?" The man with Ranboo asks, his words calm, but threatening. I try chocking out some words, and the masked man lets up his grip enough for me to speak.

"I don't know what you're talking about I swear! I just wanted to know why Ranboo destroyed the flower I gifted him." I cry out, panicked. The man glares at me. "We know what you are fae, so release the curse and leave forever, or we will kill you." He threatens. My eyes widen at his words and I gasp out in shock. "No please, let me explain. I am of fae origin, but I am not devious I swear! Please just let me go and let me explain myself!" I beg.

The masked man holding me looks back to the other one, silently asking what he wanted to do. The man nods slightly and my captor guides me through the room to a chair and shoves me down, grabbing his axe to remind me I can't try anything.

I look from the axe, up to Ranboo and his friend, taking a deep breath as I prepare to explain. "You're right, I am a faerie, but only partially. My mother was a witch and she despised the fae, but was forced to work with them when she made the accident of falling for their trap. They knew she had wanted a child, so they offered to bless her with one. She had no choice but to accept, so they granted her a pregnancy. So yes, I am part fae, but I never embraced them. My mother taught me everything she could and sent me to the forest spirits. She sacrificed herself to the fae's evil tricks in order to have me embrace the good of the forest instead. I promise I wasn't trying to hurt Ranboo, I only gave him a gift of the forest." I explained breathlessly.

"And how do you expect us to believe your story?" The masked man asks, his grip tightening on the axe. "You can ask the spirits of the forest. I know Ranboo is of magic, and I assume you both have an understanding of it as well. I can take you back to my home and you can ask them. You know they don't lie." I reason, hoping they will listen. The two men look back to each other and seem to agree. I look to Ranboo and see his hopeful eyes, I have to make sure he sees the truth.

After a long walk with a cold axe held to my back, we finally reach my home. The three men stood and waited as I carefully knelt down in the small clearing where I first met Ranboo. "Hello spirits, I'm here to ask a favor of you." I say, looking up and meeting Ranboo's gaze.

The wind shifts, stirring up the grass and leaves on the ground. As the leaves are swept up by the wind, they begin circling. A small tornado is formed before the leaves suddenly drop.

From where the leave were, now stood a forest spirit, smiling softly to me. "Hello my dear, what brings you here today?" She asks softly. I stand and motion to the three men around us. She looks around, her smile dropping seeing the two nearly vicious looking men, and a nervous one. "Hello, how may I help you?" She addresses them sternly.

Before they can speak, I catch her attention. "They know I'm of fae origin, but they needed you to confirm that I do not follow the fae." I explain. She looks back to the men, still slightly confused. "Of course they don't associate with the fae. They may be half faerie, but they have been lead by me and the other spirits. They are they kindest soul we have seen, and it is quite ridiculous of you to even imply otherwise." She turns her attention to Ranboo. "And you. I'll have you know that flower was a gift of the forest. We gave them our blessing to bestow it upon you, and you attempt to destroy it. This is an insult to the forest and we do not take kindly to-"

"Please, stop." The man with the hat says. He steps forward to address the spirit. "It wasn't his fault. I found the flower and assumed the worst. My apologies." He says while kneeling. As she looks to him, she almost seems caught off guard. "Phil?" She asks, causing him to look up at her, confused. "You know me?" He questions back, standing to meet her. "Of course, all the spirits know of you. Who do you think guides the crows? I have taken care of a number of those who have fled." She explained.

Phil looked to the ground thoughtfully for a moment before returning his gaze to the spirit. "Yes, of course. Thank you for caring for them." He says, snapping out of his thoughts. The spirit walks back to me, placing a gentle hand on my back, addressing the men. "Now that we have shown the truth, I expect that the hostility and mistrust be finished. And sir, you can unhand the axe." She says softly, her smiled returned.

"The name is Technoblade, madam." He says, slightly bowing to her as he secures the axe to his hip. "Very well, Technoblade. I bid you three farewell, may we cross paths again." She then turns to me. "And take care my dear, never hesitate if you need assistance again." With her words, she places a soft kiss to my forehead before the leaves dance around her again. And just like her entrance, she was gone again.

With the spirit gone, the three men turn their attention back to me. Phil is the first to speak up. "My sincerest apologies, I hope you understand where the concern came from." He says with a bow of his head. I walk up to him, taking a hand in mine. "It is more than understood, thank you for listening to the spirit. These boys are very lucky to have you as a protector." I say while motioning to the other two.

As I make eye contact with Ranboo, he steps towards me. With the shy smile of his, he asks a quiet question. "Would you mind giving me another flower?"

#ranboo #ranboo x reader #platonic #dream smp x reader #x reader #gnreader #youtube x reader #minecraft x reader #ranboo x gnreader

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acciocriativity · 3 years

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The bet || Harry Potter

Pairing: Fred Weasley and George Weasley x Platonic/Reader (Tiny not so tiny George Weasley x Reader)

Summary: You had a normal life at Hogwarts, until the Weasley twins decided they weren't going to leave you alone anymore, and what was the reason? You would give five galleons to anyone who knew the answer.

Word Count: 4,0k

It was still early, I was walking through the corridors towards the Great Hall when two red-haired figures appeared in my sight.

"Hey Y/N!", one of them waved cheerfully at me, I still had no idea which one. "Why do you suddenly look tall today?", the other said with a smile, which made me want to punch him.

"Why are you suddenly more annoying today? It sounds like a serious illness, so excuse me, I don't want to catch this", I walked as fast as I could so they couldn't keep up with me.

I could hear their laughter behind me and the whispering but decided not to pay attention to what was said, that would bring me more calmness.

And why do I basically run away from them? It is very simple.

One day I was just another Ravenclaw student, and the next day I had the attention of the most popular twins at Hogwarts.

They liked to tease me about absolutely everything, no matter if I was just sitting down reading or trying to concentrate in a class, one of them would find a way to annoy me.

I never tried to differentiate which was Fred and which was George, it made no difference, they both seemed equally annoying to me and knowing who is who was not going to guarantee me anything.

"Hey, wait. We have a deal for you", the tallest of them spoke with a grin plastered on his face as he walked up to me in stride.

"And why should I agree? Anything coming from you guys is pretty suspicious", I replied with my eyes screwed tight and crossed my arms.

"Because you can have your quiet time again, we won't tease you anymore as far as possible", the other said with a small smile and I stopped to think for a few seconds.

"Well, that sounds good enough, and what do I have to do? You're going to have to get something out of this, obviously", I still remained in the same position analyzing the two, who seemed to be enjoying themselves more every second.

"You'll have to guess who is who at the end of the day", one of them started and my face dropped at the same moment."Since we're nice, we'll just say it once", the other added.

"What if I don't succeed then? If there's a prank, I'm out."

"There won't be anything out of the ordinary, just an extra dose of us", I took a deep breath just imagining what my life would be like with these two following me around the castle. "So are you going to accept or not?", he raised an eyebrow.

I took a deep breath and looked away, a good opportunity had fallen into my hands but I would have the rest of my peace lost if I didn't win, which would be no small thing but a part of me was just screaming to accept it at once, the competitive part, the part that was going to win this little challenge.

"I accept, it won't be that hard", I replied with a smile, a wave of confidence built up inside me and I really thought it wouldn't be a problem at all.

"Okay then", they just walked past me and kept walking and if I could see my forehead, a big question mark would be hanging there, "Hey? You still have to tell me which is which, it was part of the deal", I said, taking a few steps behind them but they soon stopped and looked at me.

"Oh, you're so confident, do you really need us to tell you who's who?", I clenched my hands tightly to hold back the urge to kill him.

"Of course I don't need to but... HEY!It's not polite to leave a person talking alone", they had the audacity to walk off and wave at me on top of that.

7:30 a.m.

I wasn't going to get any help from them, why did I expect to get any? Obviously they don't want me to win but I will and they will have to swallow that. That's my new goal today, screw the herbology paper.

But now it would be more difficult, few people would know the difference, I would have to ask one of his friends or one of the other Weasleys who studied at Hogwarts.

I wasn't intimate with any of them but I had classes with some, we never spoke but I will change that today.

I just hope they actually tell me something useful, one of the twins could have easily told no one to help me and made everything even more difficult.

8:25 a.m

"Hey Kate, what's up?", I said with a smile just as she was about to pass me down the hall, it was really worth it to eat fast or I wouldn't have made it in time.

The expression on her face already told me everything, the same gleam in her eye that twins have when they are disturbing me, why do I get the impression that it won't be so easy?

"Good morning Y/N, do you need anything?", she said leaning against the wall with a mischievous smile that I chose to ignore. "Actually yes, you should already know, the Weasleys challenged me to set them apart and you as a friend should know how, anything is useful, anything really", I liked that she was direct because I could be too. I don't like wasting time with small talk, especially when I don’t have too much time.

"They actually told me it would happen, but they didn't tell me more details, what happens if you lose? Some kind of prank I bet.

"They will annoy me twice as much as they already do, I don't know how you manage to be friends with them, she stared at me for a few seconds and then grinned. "What?"

"I'll help you since you're asking me but maybe you'll soon see that it wouldn't be so bad to lose", I just nodded without really believing it would happen. "Fred is louder and generally more annoying, George is quieter and more careful. You can find out more by noticing for yourself, I'm going to get going, I want to practice a little before class begins", she pointed to the castle entrance.

"Thank you so much Kate, I'll owe you this one. See you later", I smiled and waved as she walked away from me after waving as well.

Now I know the basics but they might try to trick me, switch places or pretend to be the other one. I have to be prepared and there is only one way.

9:00 a.m

The bell rang and the halls filled with heads hurrying not to be late, especially the poor first year students heading for the dungeon. I could see some shaking on the way out of the Great Hall but my destination was completely different, I headed up the stairs along with the other forty years to Minerva's class.

There was no sign of any of the twins, if they had decided to skip this class my plan was destined to fail.

The class was about to start when the two of them entered without any hurry and I smiled internally for having kept an empty chair next to me, just in case.

"Are you gentlemen having a problem with your audition? The bell rang five minutes ago. This kind of behavior is not tolerated, Mr. Weasleys. Minus ten points for Gryffindor", her angry voice boomed, and no one seated dared to breathe.

"It won't happen again, professor", I was surprised not to hear any funny remarks as a comment and I'm sure she was too but didn't show it.

"Sit down and open your books, let's move one more step forward from yesterday's lesson...", she continued talking but I barely paid attention after one of them sat down next to me.

"So, you're George, you can tell me now that I already know", he looked a little surprised for a few seconds but soon regained his posture.

"How did you guess it? I didn't even say anything", he said looking at me intently and I just shrugged, I wasn't about to say since this is clearly a plus for me.

"That's a secret that will stay with me, it wasn't that hard", I commented, dipping my quill into the ink to start writing what Minerva was going over on the blackboard.

Behind us it was possible to hear Fred's excited whispers that I had learned to ignore after all these years. Now it seemed so much easier, it's not as if I hadn't noticed them both all this time, it's a bit impossible since they make themselves present everywhere.

We remained silent, since this is the only way I can concentrate. I even mentally thanked him for that, but it didn't seem to do any good today. My attention kept being drawn to the red-headed boy next to me, I couldn't help it.

Internally I blamed it on my will to win, because to do so I would have to pay more attention to him, that's all my body wanted to do, focus on George Weasley.

I only realized that I was crossing the line when I noticed that his cheeks started to take on a reddish tint and a shy little smile appeared. To make matters worse, there was Fred's giggles, who was watching everything with the best view; there was no way I could get away with this.

After this awkward moment, I forced myself to pay attention even though my desire was to get out of there, since he now decided to start watching me not as discreetly as he thought he was being. I was much better at that.

"Is there a problem?", I mustered up the courage to ask when it was already 15 minutes before the bell rang again.

I noticed him bite his lips and crack a small smile before looking forward again, "why would there be a problem?"

"You were looking at me", I answered quietly so as not to draw attention from the other students and especially from Minerva who was passing between the desks checking to see if everyone was practicing the spells correctly.

"You were looking at me before that, discretion is not your specialty, you know?", I was a few seconds without knowing how to answer that and in the meantime, I could see him savoring the fact that he had left me speechless.

"Yes, I was watching you to differentiate you better from your brother, and why were you looking at me?", I spoke in a direct tone looking him straight in the eyes and the other redhead's laughter sounded behind us and George gave him a nonchalant look, as did the woman, who had just passed us.

"Is something wrong Mr. Weasley?", she asked and of course, everyone around us had to pay attention too, because they had nothing else interesting to do.

"No, I just remembered a joke I heard, I could tell you if you want. I assure you it is very funny", he assured holding back the urge to laugh even harder.

"Your little jokes stay outside the room Mr. Weasley, and you all, if you haven't perfected today's transfiguration can get back to work", she caught everyone's attention and continued walking peacefully.

We ended up getting distracted from the main subject, he obviously took the chance of not answering me and just kept on training as I did.

12:00 a.m

We had the next 3 classes together and I stayed close to them and their friends as well. As I imagined everyone was very nice to me, we could have become friends much sooner if we weren't stuck in a fixed group of friends.

Some things had become much clearer in my head and others even more blurred. They didn't seem to be picking on anyone but me, although it hadn't happened all day. Then why? I was going to find out.

"Will you come sit with us today?", Katie said with an arm around Angelina's shoulders, both looking at me with a smile that wouldn't let me deny them anything.

"Sure, I'd love to. It's kind of funny that we have more things in common than I expected", I remarked as we walked slowly, with the hasty crowd in front of us. I would usually be with them but it's much better this way, time is not as important as catching up with everyone.

"I had no idea you liked quidditch, have you thought about joining the Ravenclaw team?", Angel, as she asked to be called, inquired and at that moment, I should but I didn't notice her gaze leave me and go to the twins, several times.

"I'm not as good at playing as I am at watching, so I prefer to stay in the stands", I replied with a small smile until I noticed everyone in that small group communicating with their eyes, which I chose to ignore.

"So Angeli, since when did you start playing?", I started the subject that was going to last throughout the entire lunch hour and it couldn't be better.

Everyone had some story to tell, I must admit that Fred's and George's were the funniest. At no time was there any kind of awkward silence, or a moment when I was not included in the conversation. I did notice that some of my classmates were surprised that I sat there, but in general they were looking at us because of the noise. Their special talent was talking, which I found refreshing since I could hear more and talk occasionally.

The worst part of it was that I ended up not paying as much attention to either George or Fred as I had planned, although now I know a little more about both of them and my new friends.

3:00 p.m.

After two classes of Aritmancia, I had a free period and many homework assignments to do and as I walked to the library, a familiar voice called out to me.

"Y/N!", I turned around and was faced with George and his broom near the stairs, not so far from me, "We are going to practice a little, do you want to come too?", I was about to say no, as I was already busy but then I remembered, I still had to guess who was who at the end of the day.

I had really forgotten and started to enjoy their company, I had to remind myself that I wanted to win and that it made perfect sense to spend some more time with him, if it meant that I could guarantee it. Or at least, I tried to convince myself of that.

"Sure, who else will be training?", I asked as I walked over to him and then we walked together to the castle entrance and towards the field. "Just Angelina and Fred, the others have classes or something to do," and I just nodded in agreement.

We hadn't spent any time alone since Transfiguration class and I didn't know what to say, as did he but I didn't feel uncomfortable, just lost in my own thoughts.

"You came to watch half the best quadribol team play today. You won't regret it," Fred was the first to speak up as soon as we arrived and I could only laugh, how could one person be so confident? I needed some tips.

"My expectations are higher than you Weasley, you better not let me down after that speech," I wasn't trying to be funny but I heard a chuckle come from the redhead next to me. "You're not out of it George, none of you. But remember, no pressure. I'm only going to judge a little bit," I said smirking, not really taking any of the words I said seriously.

"Go sit down and prepare to be impressed," the black haired girl gave the last words, grabbed her own broom and flew to the three right hoops as I hurried to the stands.

Luckily, I didn't miss much and less than 5 minutes later, I could tell with certainty how good the three were. They took turns as goalkeepers for Angelina, even though it wasn't really their position in the game.And after 15 minutes, the dynamic changed for the two of them to try to hit her, one at a time, for them to practice as beaters.

But honestly, I paid much less attention than I normally do. I couldn't tell them apart from so far away, and this realization made me face the shameless excuse I had created for myself. I just wanted to be there, and the reason for that I wouldn't say out loud.

More than 30 minutes later, the three of them instead of landing on the ground, came flying towards me and stopped by my side.

"So you can talk about how impressed you are now", I pretended to think for a few seconds and the indignation on his face was so funny I almost didn't say it but after such an arduous training like that, they deserved it.

"You guys were amazing, if someone from another house could watch the official training sessions I would really come to see more", I smiled and it was extremely adorable to see George's already red face redden even more after my compliment.

"You already know you can't watch the official practices, we are finally starting to understand each other", Fred said and took a step to hug me and I immediately took one back. "You're soaking wet Fred Weasley, don't even think about it. This is not the time for hugs".

"But I think it's a good idea sweetie, you can't hide from a Weasley, so just accept it", he said with an evil grin on his face and I was ready to run, I hated sweat especially when it wasn't mine but his long legs came into action once again.

"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever experienced, so you have something to be proud of after all", I complained, pulling away seconds after he had cornered me in the hug, which wouldn't have been so bad if it had been any other time.

"If that's the grossest one, you really don't know what's waiting for you honey. This is just the beginning," Angel said with a satisfied smile on his face. "But we better go now, I need a shower and we still have one last class today," she added and flew out of there after waving to us.

"Yeah, I need to take a shower too, I'll see you guys later," Fred said before getting out of there as quickly as possible, leaving me alone with George again.

"Well, do you want a ride? It's much quicker to get down that way," he smiled slightly at me and I agreed without a second thought.

I held his bare arm, because I thought it was better than hugging him and regret appeared immediately because I always had some issues with flying. It wasn't the worst thing in the world but it was far from being one of my favorites.

All I could do was close my eyes as we crossed the field, my hands automatically closed around his arm, the weather was windy and I could feel the shivers that went through his now red skin as well as mine.

It was a few seconds if I'm really honest but it didn't feel like it to me, I've never picked up a broom other than for classes and it's been a long time since I stopped having fun in those classes.

I was brought out of my thoughts when I felt my feet on the ground again.

"I'll see you later then, I haven't forgotten about the bet. You better be prepared," he gave me a beautiful smile and the consequences of that is the only thing I wasn't prepared for.

5:00 p.m.

There are those moments when you have to stop and ask yourself, what the hell is happening to me? For countless reasons obviously, and it was my turn. I didn't come up with any answers that made me blind to reality, which was really frustrating because that way it would be easier for me to just ignore.

But nobody told me it was going to be easy, which is a shame because I would have someone to blame.

All this played out in my head before I received an owl from them, telling me that I could go to the Gryffindor common room to finish our bet, along with the password for the day. I was prepared after being warned by basically all their friends, all I could think of on the way there were some spells, mainly revenge because I wouldn't let it go if there really was a prank.

But what happened was quite different, the place was quieter than I imagined, although they had many people sitting and talking normally including Fred and George.

"Oh hello stranger, you have finally decided to give us the honor of your presence, I can say for everyone, we are all grateful," I had barely stepped into the room when Fred spoke up with the most sarcastic smile I have ever seen, should I be confused?

"If I get all this reception every time I come here, I will definitely come back more often. Thank you, I feel very welcome," I said with an equally big smile, causing him to roll his eyes.

"Okay smartass, it's time for your answer," he continued speaking, the same voice but now that I was close, in front of them, I noticed that there was something very wrong there.

"Why are you talking like that George?", was my only thought, they were imitating each other, the voice was extremely similar, I could never tell the difference just by that, but looking at him, it is impossible to be mistaken.

Their expression dropped on the spot and I realized that there were more people watching me and maybe they knew the plan, because everyone was a little shocked too, was it that simple?

"That's impossible, who was the snitch that told you? Whoever it was, you're going to have a tough future," Fred even stood up and didn't bother to do another voice, he spoke and I was sure I won.

"Nobody told me, I didn't need much to realize that you guys were faking it. He spent the whole conversation scratching his arm, it's been like that all day," I pointed to George who had not taken his eyes off my person so far.

At that moment they looked at each other for a few seconds and then back at me. I should be happy but I wasn't. Even if I wasn't going to admit it out loud, they just proved to me how amazing they are and I wasn't going to lose that.

"Now that I've won, I want to change my reward. It's very simple, I want to reverse the reward and the punishment. I want an extra dose of Weasleys," I had to get a certain amount of shyness out of the way to say this but it was worth it.

It was worth it because I could see a sparkle in both of their eyes that went beyond a successful prank, it was worth it because I had the best years at Hogwarts with the best friends I could ever want. It was worth it because I found the best boyfriend in the world that day. I never thought I would be so grateful for a silly bet.

Harry Potter Masterlist

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cmyknoise · 3 years

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ah good to know i just wanted to make sure

when they open back up just know ill have a pog commission lol

-r

:D pog thats cool!

again dunno when i can get it fixed (it requires me to have a mobile phone # which unfortunately, at the current moment i do not have which means i cant properly link my paypal up to my bank account)

but, ill make a post about it when they do open up (i dont think itll be anytime soon. i'll either have to purchase a cheap phone from like walmart or see if i can use the # of a family member who does have a mobile phone)

(you can always leave a suggestion/request in my askbox. i can't guarantee i'll get to it but it'll at the very least be there incase i ever get bored!)

#lemon answers #ask #r anon

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mollymauk-teafleak · 4 years

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and when it’s hard i'll place your head into my hands

Adzri, Alec and Seregil's daughter, falls ill with a summer fever, sending both of her fathers frantic. Even as Alec tries to be strong, he realises it's stirring memories he'd thought he'd buried

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Alec didn’t need the talímenios bond to read the anguish on Seregil’s face as soon as the chamber door closed behind them. It only meant he felt it too, a roiling, panicked pressure to thrash in his chest next to his own.

“Talí…” he murmured gently, moving immediately to hold him, “It’ll be alright.”

Seregil’s body moved to be held and hold in return but there was something mechanical about it, some missing part that made it clear his mind was elsewhere. Probably back behind the door they’d just closed, lost in the sickly miasma of illness that had invaded their daughter’s bedroom.

“Valerius said the poultice would help her breathing,” he mumbled, distress cracking the edges of his voice, “He said.”

“I know. And it will, given some time to work,” he put a confidence he didn’t truly feel in his voice, knowing his lover needed to hear it.

It had been harrowing, their little five year old girl crying fitfully at the dull green paste of crushed herbs applied to her chest, only able to sob weakly and croak that it was burning her nose. Seregil had turned away at one point, shoulders tight and tense as he faced the thick, dense summer night outside the window, leaving Alec to finish the job, murmuring soothingly to Adzri as best he could. Watching her cry herself back into a feverish sleep, still not understanding why he wasn’t listening to her had completed the breaking of his heart.

“She’s hurting, Alec,” Seregil whispered, voice raw, and if there had been any part left unshattered, those words did it.

“It’s just a summer fever, talí, I promise. It will break and she’ll be right as rain, back to running around and making our lives absolute chaos.”

The attempt at humour landed as thinly as it had sounded. They were both keenly aware that, for some, the old and young and vulnerable, summer fevers didn’t just fade. They burned and consumed the person from the inside out, racing their heart until it simply couldn’t hold any more. And while Adzri was hale and healthy, as robust as any child with scarecrows like Seregil and Alec for fathers could be, she was frighteningly young.

Alec had been holding himself together as much as he could since Adzri had started to flag just a few days earlier, starting to hack and cough and vomit in the night, as her skin turned a burning red, he’d told himself that Seregil needed him to be strong every bit as much as their daughter did.

But every time he closed his eyes, he felt like a boy again, watching his father waste away and not being able to do a bloody thing about it. The fear he tasted on his tongue was wretchedly familiar.

He shoved the thought roughly away and focused on Seregil, his tense shoulders and how he trembled in his embrace. He couldn’t fall apart now, not with his talímenios about to break in front of him.

“Come, love, you need to rest,” he whispered, kissing his cheek which tasted of salt.

That was terrifying in itself, a bitter counterpoint to the fear on his tongue. He could count on both hands the amount of times Seregil had shed tears in front of him. Though it was an increasing count, since the winter morning when he’d held her for the first time and promptly burst into tears in front of everyone in attendance, most of whom had known him for decades and had never once seen him cry.

“We should have stayed in Bôkthersa,” Seregil murmured, bitter guilt heavy in his voice, “She never once got sick when we were there and then as soon as we came back here…”

Alec sighed, again not needing the bond to feel what his lover was feeling. They’d been welcomed back to Bôkthersa with open arms, tears and relief so their daughter could be born where Seregil had been, in the same room no less, and they’d lived there for some time until she and Alec were strong enough to make the sea journey back. They’d managed to feel like a family, like part of the clan and that shared history. They’d even had a small ceremony, just amongst Seregil’s immediate family, finally making good on the promise held within the rings they’d been wearing, the promise to live as husbands no matter what the law said.

But the sweetness of those long, sunny years only made saying goodbye again even harder. And Seregil was acutely aware that they had to leave because of him, because of the mistakes that still haunted him even after so much hard won change. There was only so much time they could spend as Bôkthersans before other faie would take notice, before they would be reminded of the severing that had taken place. And there was no guarantee it would be a polite reminder.

“Rhíminee is our home,” Alec said gently, wishing more than anything he could pull out the knife of guilt Seregil still felt in his side, “We had to come back some time. Seregil, please, don’t think this is your fault.”

Seregil sighed, eyes far away, both of them well aware he wouldn’t make a promise to his love that he couldn’t keep, “I should stay by her...in case she wakes up…”

“You have been, talí,” Alec reminded him, “For three days straight. And Valerius was just as clear in his instructions for you as he was for Adzri.”

“He said to check her temperature regularly!” Seregil protested, even as the shadows under his eyes looked hollow in the candlelight and his eyes struggled to focus.

“I’ll do it,” Alec said firmly, “I slept last night, it’s your turn now. You promised me, Seregil.”

Beaten, Seregil wavered, though his eyes shone in the candles they’d left burning through the long hot nights as the house had stayed restless.

“I know, my love,” Alec moved up to cradle his face in his hands, “Believe me, I know. But you can’t help her by running yourself into the ground. You’ve done all you can, now we have to wait, as painful as it is. And you may as well do it by getting some sleep.”

Seregil took a shaky breath, now leaning into Alec’s warmth, letting himself take the comfort now with full awareness, “I just can’t bear it. Seeing this hurt her and knowing we can’t fix it.”

“Because we love her,” Alec nodded, resting their foreheads together, “And that’s going to get her through this.”

Seregil nodded slowly, “Very well...I’ll sleep but you’ll wake me at dawn? Or if anything changes?”

“Of course,” Alec promised, sending him off to their chamber just next door to Adzri’s with a last kiss, “I love you, talí.”

“I love you too,” Seregil murmured softly, eyes still sad and worn as he closed the door but there was a slight glimmer of hope under it all, one he’d managed to put back there.

Alec’s relief and triumph lasted all the way until their chamber door closed and he heard the sound of his husband sinking, fully clothed into bed. And then there was nothing but fear in its wake.

He was silent as he stepped back into his daughter’s bedroom, not wanting to wake her, and slid back into the chair that had been keeping an anxious vigil by her bedside since she took ill. It was dark, they’d extinguished all the candles and drew the curtains after it became clear the light was hurting her eyes, but it was only a few moments before his eyes found shapes in the shadows.

She was so beautiful. He was struck by that thought so much, even after years of being her father. Of course the first thing he always saw in her face was Seregil, just as his talímenios always claimed to see him. It was the long, thin nose and the sharp angles that he saw, the messily falling dark curls, the intelligence in her eyes. Though her eyes were closed now, her cheeks red with the fever, her breathing shallow and raspy, a hollow sound in the heavy shadows. Her little chest barely rose and fell, there was hardly movement in the blankets they’d wrapped her in as she lay in the middle of her little bed.

In the silence, pierced by that awful sound of illness that Alec dreaded hearing but dreaded not hearing even more wholly, he couldn’t keep the memories away anymore. Once again he was a much younger man and the shape in front of him wasn’t his daughter. The laboured breathing was deeper but no less sickly, whistling through a much older chest. And instead of the heavy, oppressive heat of a Rhíminee summer, it was so, so cold, a bleak Northern winter.

Once again he was sixteen and he was watching his father die.

All alone and without his husband to comfort, the creeping sense of helplessness set in. Here again was something he couldn’t shoot or snare or beat back with a sword, something invisible and malicious and omnipotent, sliding out one of the linchpins of his life and leaving him reeling. Once again he felt small and naive, an insignificant speck in the middle of a white, empty forest, tears freezing on his cheeks as he vainly tried to light a fire, unable to get so much as a spark.

And suddenly he couldn’t breathe.

Not her too, he begged silently, as tears began to slide heavily down his cheeks, please, not her too.

All the growing he’d done, the love he’d found, the battles he’d won, what did it really mean if he couldn’t save the people he cared about?

“Alec?”

He jumped, suddenly unaware of how much time had passed, how long he’d been sat in his daughter’s bedroom and in the middle of a Northern forest at the same time, as both a terrified child and a terrified father. But Seregil was in the doorway, easier to see than he should have been at night. Some pale, grey light was filtering through behind him, light that had to be dawn’s.

“Seregil,” he croaked, voice cracking with disuse.

“Oh, talí…” Seregil kept his voice soft but the emotion in it was obvious as he moved towards him, putting his hands on Alec’s shoulders, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t think once how this must be making you feel, given everything.”

Whether it was the bond or his panic attack had been that obvious on his face, it was clear Seregil knew what was going on in his mind.

“We’ve both had a lot on our minds…” he murmured, shaking his head, Seregil blaming himself the last thing he wanted, “Adzriel…”

“I should have thought,” Seregil insisted, “I should have comforted you rather than just…”

“Talí, please no,” Alec turned, needing his eyes to find his lover’s, “You could just as easily say I should have told you. And you needed me then, I’m never going to regret giving you comfort when you needed it.”

Seregil let it go but his eyes were still concerned. He did look like he had at least gotten some sleep, his hair was matted on one side and the shadows under his eyes had lessened.

“You don’t talk about your father much, talí,” he murmured, still keeping his voice low, to not wake Adzri, and his tone careful.

Alec shifted, biting his lip slightly, “I...I know I must make him sound cold but my whole childhood, he was the only constant. Some days it would feel he was the only other person in the world. He...he was my world.”

Seregil nodded slowly, hand gently stroking over his hair.

“And watching him die was...difficult,” it wasn’t a large enough word for it but he couldn’t find a right one in the moment, “And afterwards, until I met you, I felt so alone. And now, seeing her like this, it…”

His throat closed again, not in the tight, frozen panic way of before, but in the more natural way of tears being released.

“Because she’s my world too. And I don’t know what I’m going to do if I ever lose her.”

Now it was Seregil’s turn to hold him, his arms strong and safe around his shoulders as he cried quietly against his stomach. He didn’t need much, strange for years of hidden hurt, but Alec was glad the quiet shuddering had stopped so he could hear what happened next.

“Papa? Daddy?”

Both of them immediately jumped as if poked with a sword, whirling around. Adzri sat up in bed, rubbing at her eyes. Her voice was still a little raspy but she hadn’t been so alert in more than a day, her eyes so wide and aware.

“Sweetling,” Alec gasped, lurching forward to feel her forehead. Damp and clammy but perfectly cool.

“Oh, Adzriel,” Seregil moved to sit at her feet, eyes wide with relief, “Oh, look at you. How do you feel?”

“Thirsty,” she decided after some thought, her chubby little hand moving under her nightdress to her chest, where the poultice had dried and cracked, “Itchy.”

“Of course,” Seregil laughed, taking her in his arms and holding her tight, “Breakfast and a bath, then. You can have whatever you want.”

Adzri blinked, smiling hopefully, “Cake?”

“Sure,” Seregil shook with either relieved weeping or helpless laughter, even he seemed unsure, “Why not? Cake for breakfast. Aura knows we’ve earned it.”

Alec smiled, taking a moment to watch them both and let the relief course through him and chase the last of the fear away, before he moved in to share the embrace.

He hadn’t seen Amasa smile often, only on the brightest of autumn mornings or when Alec landed a shot or upon hearing the first of the starlings singing. But he could well imagine he was smiling now.

#nightrunners #alec i amasa #seregil i korit #seregil x alec #alec x seregil #stag and otter #sickfic #dads au #please comment!

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