#venting kinda

[waywardsou2]

Ok listen up, this had been rolling around in my head for ages now and my dumbass is finally making a post about it!

When Hunter missed that jump to the Marauder on Daro he fell off a fucking cliff like...if y'all go back and watch that episode he fucking sliped, fell onto his back, down a mountain, a really long fall onto some trees down another cliff and onto the ground.

YET HE GOT UP RIGHT THE FUCKING WAY AND WAS READY TO FIGHT

YET WHEN TECH FELL FROM THAT RAIL CAR ON EIRADU HE JUST DIED AND LEFT NO TRACE?!?!?

DAVE FILONI WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT OF THIS?!?!?!?!?! HMMM? EXPLAIN THIS SHIT TO ME?! COME FIGHT ME AND EXPLAIN THIS TO ME, RIGHT NOW!

[florashifting]

I feel like I think that I'm pretty. But no one else would think I'm pretty. Does that make sense?

[alonelystargazer]

Sharing some thoughts about how I've been recently feeling as a fanfic writer

I'm ngl I think I'm scared of publishing any of my fics now since it's been so long (6 going on 7 months is long by my standards) that I've published anything, I feel like I've lost my edge.

I'm really slow at writing bc I have to find time on between everything else going on in my personal life and my other interests, but I am working on a few projects, going back and forth

So when the time comes and I have something finished and ready to share, I would definitely love for people to read my work and enjoy it and leave comments and maybe even recommend it to others, but at the same time what if I've hyped myself up too much and my work doesn't live up to the audience expectations? I don't wanna disappoint the readers.

And part of the reason why I even share wip updates is to prove to myself and potential readers that I'm not a fraud! Like "yeah see I'm a writer! I'm working on stuff, it's just really slow progress but I'm doing something!"

Maybe I've been feeling insecure recently bc the fics I'm currently interested in writing are for JJK (mainly itafushi) and it's a big fandom with lots of talented writers and artists so sometimes I think to myself "what I am bringing to the table? Everyone else has already eaten delicious food so why bother?" but then I have to remind myself that "hey more food!" or whatever the phrase is

(I also wanna write a Kagurabachi fic but the fandom is still quite small right now so I don't feel as pressured)

I get insecure about my writing skills bc I've been writing fanfiction on and off since I was 17 (and I'm closer to 30 than 20 😬) but I haven't noticed a big difference in the quality of writing, and I've mostly accepted the fact that I'm not suited to write long stories with multiple chapters, mainly through time constraints, so I have stuck to writing once shots. There's nothing wrong with one shots though! I love that you can have a concise story in a few thousand words (my one shots range between 1k and 5k words).

As far as I know, I haven't had anyone say that any of my fics has been their favorite, or that they have recommended it to anyone. But I'm not looking for fame or wide appeal. I really am thankful to everyone who has ever read my fics and left positive comments! And I would also like to thank all my fellow fanfic writers that I follow here for ask the encouragement!

All that being said, I will still continue to write bc it's always been a favorite hobby of mine, and I have ideas I want to share and hope that readers will find even a little bit of enjoyment.

[pageofheartdj]

Idk why people have to complain that others like different things, or the same things but in a different way, or are simply not skilled enough to portray it properly. Especially when there are plenty of the thing that they like instead, like why.

[mothwithpronouns]

Man the no friends disease really hitting hard this summer

[alixisherebutringagain]

I fear that I only talk about my own experiences with psychosis on this blog and never positively because this is all still relatively new to me (it's been a year) and i just can't accept its effects on me.

I think one day I'll be able to talk about the good sides, and even give tips, or advocate better for us schizos, but right now I feel so overpowered by my disorder that it's too hard.

Still, I hope one day I'll also inform people about us, our symptoms, our traits, how we can work and act and be...

Idk hope y'all understand

[misteria247]

A little bit of a vent on my health issue as well as the cause of it. Please feel free to ignore this I just need to talk for a moment given the day today and try to wrap my head around this-

So awhile back I started dealing with a reoccurring health problem that I've been dealing with since I was 12 years old. This health issue is not life threatening but it's been stressful and painful to deal with. This health issue is known as a pilonidal cyst. It's a cyst that develops at the tailbone/lower spinal area. It's rather embarrassing and incredibly gross but at the same time it's just how my life works so anyways-

Because of this health issue I'd had to get surgery twice within my lifetime to try and keep it from coming back. Once when I was 12, and once when I was in my high school years. And for awhile it stayed away until a few years ago it'd came back for a third time. And for awhile I've dealt with it, taking antibiotics and calling off from work to rest and not push myself when it gets bad. Why am I talking about this you ask?

Well at the beginning of this week, that same health issue came up, and basically the entire rest of the week I've been either struggling to walk, have been having trouble sitting on my butt in certain positions and have had major back pain because of it. When Tuesday/Wednesday rolled around it busted and I believed that I'd get better since it was starting to drain.

I was wrong.

As soon as it busted, I've been incredibly ill. I've been getting headaches, fevers, and horrendous bouts of nausea. So much so that I've had to call off every day of work and I had to call my doctor to get antibiotics which is the usual drill when this happens. However this time it was different, my doctor had personally asked me if I could come into the office in person asap. Which leads to today.

I go to the doctor and get checked out and long story short I get basically told this.

My scar tissue is having a newer, slightly bigger cyst developing underneath. So much so that he strongly recommends that I get the surgery. He also wants me off from work for the rest of this week as well as next week, well after Thanksgiving to try and heal from the infection of said cyst as well as have the antibiotics do their job and get an appointment set up to meet with the surgeon they've referred me to.

I've went to this surgeon before for an earlier referral, however I'd refused to do the surgery because at the time my cyst wasn't exactly needing that kind of medical care. It was manageable. That and unlike the other two surgeons I'd went to in the past, this one was actually honest with me and told me that even if I'd gotten this surgery, it wasn't a complete guarantee that I'd be rid of this horrible thing. That sometime down the line in my lifetime it could actually come back and we'd have to do surgery again. So back in August I'd told them that I wouldn't do it because in my mind, it just seemed like an absolute waste of time especially given that I could very well end up in the same position once again later within my life. That and I was just so tired of it, it'd be the third time I'd be doing this insanity.

But now it's unavoidable. Because it's getting a new cyst beneath the scar tissue and it's gotten bigger and it's gotten to a point where it's quite literally fucking with my life and way of living. Am I upset about this development?

Absolutely.

In fact I'm currently trying not to break down, just feeling completely numb to the situation. I want to scream, I want to curse, I want to break something, but I also just want to curl up into a ball underneath my blankets and just stay there till this nightmare is over and done with.

I hate it, I hate it so much. That this stupid cyst has been haunting me since sixth grade, that I can't ever seem to be free from it and that I'll always have reminders of it. Whether it's in physical form or in scars on my tailbone and lower back. I just want a fucking break from all the bullshit of this year, from all the health issues that seem to never end. I don't want to be sick anymore, or be in pain constantly anymore.

I just want to be normal and not deal with this anymore.

I have no idea how I'm even going to make this work, how I'm going to earn money while I recover from this surgery whenever I finally get it. I've got bills to pay and mouths to help feed, pets to take care of and not to mention the holidays and whatnot. The only good thing is that I've got my family supporting me during all this, as well as an incredible boss who's been the most understanding and patient woman I've ever had the pleasure to work for.

I don't know what the future will bring, and honest to God I'm worried as well as frustrated with everything but hopefully things will work out in the end. Also I know that it's selfish of me to ask y'all this, but please pray for me, cuz I'm gonna need all the help I can get with this entire situation.

[robertseanleonardthinker]

can i just talk abt how goddamn isolating being autistic is (for me at least)

big rant ahead

like of course for the more obvious reason of i can't read social cues and i have trouble interacting/socializing with people. but like there's so much more to that and i haven't seen anyone else ever talk abt it. it makes me think maybe this is just me who feels like this.

i fucking wish i could be like everybody else. i wish i could express my feelings in a normal way. i wish i could show people i loved them properly. in ways where there's absolutely no doubt about it.

my boyfriend knows he's loved by physical touch. that's his love language. i hate being touched. i don't like hugs and i don't like hand-holding and i don't like cuddling. sometimes i can make myself do it but most of the time i can't and it kills me to know he's not getting the love he needs or deserves. just because my brain isn't the right way.

it's hard for me to even understand the feeling of love. it's hard for me to understand all of my feelings. but especially one so complicated. i don't get it. it confuses me. it's weird and complicated and makes me feel arrrggggshghfgr. i never had crushes (or i guess never knew i did maybe?) as a kid and it made me feel left out. i would pretend to have crushes on people just to feel like everybody else.

i used to think i was good at reading social cues up until somewhat recently. the reason i thought this is because i never knew what i was missing. it wasn't there for me. it wasn't until i heard a neurotypical person explain how they experience things that i realized... holy shit. i've missed so much. i've missed so many subtle things. this made me think... how many people actually liked me as a kid but i couldn't tell because they didn't say it up front? how many times did i sob myself to sleep as a child thinking nobody liked me when maybe i didn't have to?

it's the same way with shows and movies, too. i miss out on so much and it fucking sucks. i can't fully understand even my hyperfixations. god only knows how many important things i missed just because i can't see them? i see people talk about this or that in a show i've watched dozens of times and thought about so deeply and i'm like... what the fuck are they talking about??? and then i realize, they're talking about things that were told through non-verbal communication and such. things that i don't pick up on. things i never realized had any meaning.

another thing with shows and movies is that i absolutely hate watching them with other people. it's because when i'm around other people i feel like i need to react to certain things a certain way. i need to display my emotions the same way they do. if they cry, i should be crying or otherwise i'm a cold heartless bitch. if they're laughing, i need to laugh too otherwise i'm emotionless and weird. i feel the same emotions, i know i do. i just don't show them outwardly. and i hate that. when things are sad or funny, i feel those emotions. it's just that that's not the way i express them. i feel like i need to perform or else i'm wrong. i'm watching the show wrong. i'm feeling those emotions the wrong way.

sometimes i feel like i even think the wrong way. the way my brain works is that i don't think in just words. when i am in my head and thinking, it's a mix of words and images and gestures and feelings and sounds and sensations and smells and what the fuck ever. it's so hard to put what i think into words. i think that i think some very good thoughts and i'd love to share them but i can't and it hurts me because i want other people to be able to enjoy what i'm enjoying, you know? like i'm not saying i'm the best and my thoughts are the best, it just makes me happy to share my passions and ideas. but i can't. my speech is stop-and-go and choppy and forced. it's hard. it's hard to even type this out. it's hard to find words.

i feel so isolated. i feel like i miss so much. like everybody else is speaking a different language i'm not allowed to ever learn. it's their secret. i'm not allowed. but they make fun of me for not knowing anyway.

[yuriyaoidestroyer]

I swear to god we all have a mood where we’re gonna kill someone in the most gruesome way imaginable. Like my god.

[waywardwritesstuff]

No I don't need you to buy me flowers

No I don't need you to take me on expensive dates

No I don't need you to make breakfast for me every morning

No I don't need you to pay for everything

I need you to do that one thing I can't do, the one thing that I don't know how to do

I need you to love me for who I am

[waywardsou2]

Its so hard for me write fanfiction a because like...Canon is God's (the creator) Gospel. And I cannot imagine defecting from it. But I also want story that aren't canon and that also for into canon and that diverge from canon but I can't make it make sense in my head.

Like I want to write a Dabi X Hawks Au but can't figure out a way to make it work without scrapping the canon entirely which is like....mm

Especially with the new info from Season 7 I don't know how to make it workkkkk

Ugh

[florashifting]

Not to vent but I low-key feel like EVERYONE in my life is sick of me and low-key hates my guts lmao

[zarovichsbitches]

The difference in my recent domestic relationships sometimes still bewilders me.

I used to make my ex soup like weekly or more when he was sick/it was winter etc. It was just veg soup. I don’t like veg soup and he didn’t like spice.

My current roommate also likes veg soup and doesn’t like spice but her approach to when I offer to make it for her is a full 180.

My ex, despite being fully able to, never learned how to cook it for himself. Anytime he needed it he’d ask me to make it. Every time.

My roommate on the other hand, not only prepped and froze all veg she wanted in it but asked me multiple times if it was ok if I turned on the slow cooker in the morning to make sure it was ready for when she got home. She does everything to make the process of assisting her cook simpler and it’s still baffling. Not only because she knows I used to make this for him but because she genuinely knows how to make it herself AND wants me to use the energy I would have to do it from scratch to cook for myself.

TLDR: live with a woman, they respect you as a default

[penguinwithagrenadelauncher]

My Feelings On Cozy Glow

I'm just writing this to get it out of my system because I have Thoughts and I don't know what to do with them.

Do I think she's redeemable? Nope, I think she's a total sociopath. I understand why people think she should have been redeemed, but I just can't feel it, ya know? I can't see any empathy or potential for empathy in her. In fact, in my personal headcanon-verse thingamajig whatever you call it, she killed her parents in cold blood, and they were not abusive.

And I get the in- and out-of-universe reasons nobody tried to redeem her. In-universe, what she did could have easily caused many deaths, and probably would have in a darker setting– pegasi losing their flight and/or cloudwalking high enough in the air would not be pretty. Additionally, the lack of plant life around the changeling hive while the anti-magic throne was active suggests that magic might be necessary for life in this world. Plus, since she was able to hide her true self for so long, it'd be hard-to-impossible to discern if she's actually reformed or just faking it. Out-of-universe, the writers were short on time.

However, I think it would have been awesome if an Attempted Redemption Arc had happened. If the heroes tried to redeem her, because she's just a child who clearly doesn't know any better, only to get the harsh lesson that some people can't change because they don't want to. Imagine it looking like Cozy Glow has reformed, only for her to reveal her true colors once more. And this time it isn't like Discord, where his going back on his redemption isn't due to him being mistreated; everyone did everything right, but there's just no hope for such a sociopath.

Is that too dark for Friendship is Magic? Probably. But that's the beauty of fanfiction for you! And I will get to that... eventually.

[misteria247]

Do y'all ever just wanna run away from everything that makes you cry and unhappy?

[squeakythemouse123]

The feeling you get when you walk home