#no i was having panic attacks & doing really weird shit to stay grounded & getting bullied all in a big metal box i wasn't allowed to leave

[fundy-simp]

Fundy/GN!Reader - Two Days [11,010 words]

Fluff! For this anon! You were lucky enough to join your European friends on their trip to England and in the process you got to meet your wonderful boyfriend Fundy. Oh, you also got to get the wrath of TommyInnit witnessing his friends in a relationship. (/lh I love Tommy) I have so much fluff for this idea guys, I’m going to write some really cheesy bits for this and I’m going to love it >:] Also there’s a very intimate scene in this, not spicy or heated but idk I felt like I should mention it just incase. Ignore the botched plane stuff, lines that are off from the vlog, and the slightly rushed ending, I was getting a little frustrated with how long this was taking <//3 I promise tho I still love the request and I’m very happy I could fill it in a way that I’m at least mostly happy with. Anyways as always please feel free to scroll past if anything about this makes you uncomfortable :)

Your fingers tapped on the arm rest, leg bouncing as you grumbled, how long does it take a plane to land? Immediately you laugh at yourself, it takes a while. You need to calm down, it’s not like your one plane landing away from your closest friends and the man you quite honestly see as the love of your life! Of course not. It’s just a normal first ever trip to England. This is absolutely fine.

...

You’re entirely lying to yourself, your heart feels like it's going to explode as it beats in your ears. Fundy’s going to be there, the man who’s brought you endless hours of joy and smiles. The man who’s pulled you out of countless panic attacks. The man who you’ve had to lovingly bully into making sure he eats and drinks enough. The man who you’ve fallen asleep in call with countless times. The man who all you’ve ever wanted to do to is yank into a kiss and never let go.

Fidgeting with your seatbelt for a second, you groan and you pull your hands up to your face, resting the heel of your palms on your eyes. You all have known each other for months and logically you know it’ll go fine. But your brain isn’t known for listening to logic, or you for the matter, so when anxiety starts to boil in your stomach you’re not surprised. So many things could go wrong you couldn’t even begin to list them.

It took the plane actually touching the ground to land for you to pull your hands off your face and realize you didn’t hear a single thing the pilot just said. Quietly you waited for them to say your good to go as you readjusted your mask. Good god, your fidgeting is starting to annoy you, what are all of your friends going to think? You sigh as you feel the plane finally stop, waiting till you see other people standing up before standing up yourself.

Slowly the passengers started to leave the plane and carefully you followed behind, trying not to get too close per social distancing and all. Nervously you pat your hands on your thighs, waiting patiently while the flight attendant checked your temperature. Once you got the okay you shuffled off the plane, your eyes scanned over everyone in the airport, looking for any of your friends.

After a few scans you finally spotted Wilbur, how it took multiple tries to spot a man who towered over everyone is beyond you, but aside the point. As you started to jog towards him you see Tommy pop up next to him, "Ayyyee y/n!!" he basically yelled and Niki shushed him, whispering something to Tommy before you see him huff. The scene made you smile, he was definitely just as loud as you expected him to be.

“Hey Tommy!” you replied, you’re still anxious but actually seeing your friends in its own way has calmed you down. Once you get over there Niki pulls you into a quick but tight hug before Wilbur flung an arm around your shoulder.

You couldn’t see his smile, thanks to his mask, but you could recognize the way his eyes were crinkled. “Hey, y/n! How was the flight?” he asked as he started walking, pulling you along with him.

“Oh it wasn’t-” You looked around for Fundy, frowning slightly when you didn't find him, “It was okay. Where- Where’s Fundy?” You asked, unconsciously rubbing your knuckles together, you know he wouldn’t lie to you but a lot of previous relationships made an uncomfortable pit grow in your stomach.

Tommy from the other side of Wilbur let out a bark of a laugh, “That dumbass overslept and missed his flight!” he shrugged, “Don’t know why he still bothered getting another flight but he should be here soon.”

“Yeah, he’ll be here. We’re gonna go get your luggage then we’re heading to his terminal.” Will said as he gave your shoulder a couple of pats, “Don’t worry your lover boy will be here soon!” he couldn’t help but laugh at his own lighthearted teasing while you turned red.

You could hear Tommy gasp as Will said the second part, oh god. You guys never told Tommy you were dating, you both managed to keep it under wraps for an upwards of five months. “You and Fundy are dating?!?!” He yelled, earning himself another glare from Niki that he ignored, too lost in his own laugher, “Oh my god, this is gonna be so great! I’m going to make this so awkward.”

Groaning at the sound of Tommy’s ‘I’m definitely causing mayhem and you can’t stop me’ voice, you sigh and pull Wilbur off of you before looping around to Tommy. He was definitely taller than you but that didn’t stop you from hooking your arm around his neck and pulling him down to your level “Tommy. My main man. My good friend. My best bud, if you will... I swear if you ruin anything within the first thirty minutes, I will personally assure we leave you in an alley after 9 pm.” You gave him a stern squint as he just stared at you. After a few seconds and Niki and Wilbur giggling, you give him a noogie before letting him go, “I’m joking, I’m joking! But, seriously, at least thirty minutes.”

Tommy huffed as he ran his hand through his hair a few times, “Bro what the fuck?” He stopped for a moment, seemingly remembering you asked something of him “... Fine. But you owe me one!” He insisted, you just rolled your eyes and agreed.

By now you had all made it to the baggage claim and you carefully looked for your backpack to make sure you didn’t grab someone else’s by mistake. Once you spotted it you quickly ran to grab it before returning to the group who had moved and sat on one of the rows of benches in the middle of the room. You could see Niki mumble something to Wilbur before he nodded, “You guys whispering gossip without me?? God, my own best friends would really hurt me like this huh?” you say dramatically as you pulled your backpack on.

The two immediately shook their heads, “No, no! Of course not, how could we live with ourselves if we did?” Niki replied, her voice sounding just as dramatic as yours. You both cracked into giggles, them falling into her words as she spoke “But anyway, Fundy might be a little longer so we’re just gonna wait here.” she patted the seat next to her and you happily plopped down.

The next ten minutes were filled with Tommy talking about basically anything he could get away with, future video ideas, Dream SMP plot, at one point you're pretty sure he started talking about SMP Earth, but you couldn’t be sure. It was a nice filler conversation, sometimes one of the others would jump in and say something but you just stayed quiet for the most part, stuck in between the weird middle ground of anxious and very, very tired from your trip.

When you accidently started to doze off you felt someone carefully wrap their arms around your shoulders. “Oh, Fundy...” You say quietly, leaning into the touch for a second before almost jumping out of your skin, “Holy shit, hey Fundy.” You said pulling yourself out of his arms before jumping over the bench to tackle him in a hug. “You’re actually here. Oh my god.” you are trying your damnedest not to cry as you finally learn just how comfortable his hugs really are.

Fundy holds onto you a little tighter when he hears little hics come from you, changing his stance just enough to be sure you both don’t fall, “I'm here, y/n. I really, really am.” he said quietly, burying his face in your hair. “I love you so much.” he pulled you away from him, pulled down his mask so he could place down light kisses everywhere on the exposed skin of your face, making you giggle.

“I love you too, dork.” You reply before pulling your own down and tugging him into a kiss, it was a slow one, full of unfamiliarity and so much love. It made your heart flutter more than he already did and you honestly didn’t think that was possible.

When you both pulled apart you were forcibly reminded by Tommy making very exaggerated gagging noises that you two were, in fact, not alone. “My eyes! Wilbur my eyes!! It’s so gross it's blinding me!” The teen jokes, still fake gagging. You and Fundy just rolled your eyes while you pulled your masks back up, neither you expected anything different from him.

Wilbur just sighed and lightly shoved Tommy, “Great job, you lasted almost five minutes, that’s a record I’d say.” Tommy just replied by flipping Wilbur off which sent the whole group into hysterics. He tried to defend himself but all his sentences just devolved into laughs so he gave up. All you can think about is how this is home, laughing so hard with your friends that you cry while you lean on your boyfriend.

Once everyone calmed down Fundy made sure his backpack was on fully before stepping over the bench. Niki let out a laugh as she jokingly scolded him, "The bench really isn’t that long, you could have just walked around, you know?"

Fundy just shrugged, "I mean, y/n just did it! I'm just following their lead!" he said, a shit eating grin on his face that made Niki sigh.

You chuckled as you walked around and the rest of the group got up, "Well, who's hungry? I know y/n hasn't eaten in at least five hours so why don't we go get pizza or something?" Wilbur suggested, fishing his keys outta his pocket.

“Fuck yeah, pizza!!!” Tommy yelled excitedly, quickly stealing Wilbur's keys and sprinting away.

Will stuttered for a second before running off after Tommy, "Motherfucker, not again! Get back here, you aren't even old enough to drive!!"

You, Fundy, and Niki followed after the two, laughing at their antics. Fundy softly entangled your guy's fingers, placing his forehead on the top of your head for a second in place of a kiss. "Oh my God, you guys are already attached at the hip-" Niki said, laughing more, you know it's lighthearted teasing but it still makes you blush.

"Aw, come on Niki! I thought you'd be the one to not tease us!" you said in a joke whiny tone, hiding your face in Fundy's shoulder.

Niki started to laugh harder, "Oh- Oh hell no, this is just the beginning!" she said, you couldn't see her face but you could absolutely hear the devilish grin. You lightly bonk your head on Fundy's shoulder a few times out of embarrassment which caused him to giggle. Oh. That's so much cuter in person, holy shit.

Sighing, you hear Tommy scream making you snap your head in his direction, Wilbur had him by the wrist, wiggling his keys out of his fingers. Tommy let out a loud laugh as he basically sprinted away from Wilbur to the doors of the airport. “Oh, we got outta here faster than I expected....” you mumbled mostly to yourself, watching Tommy fling the door open at full force and quickly close behind him.

“It was probably longer than you think, you were just too distracted by a certain Dutch to realize it.” Wilbur said while he pushed the door open with his shoulder, lingering long enough for the rest of you to walk though.

"Shut your dirty crime mouth, Soot." you say through a groan, you weren't actually mad, of course, but if they were going to be like this this entire trip your pretty sure your just going to stop existing.

Fundy let out a quiet laugh at your behavior before responding to Wilbur, "I don't know, I feel like this is a win for me! I get all of y/n's attention and you called me 'a certain Dutch' instead of other things." he smirked, still laughing a little.

Wilbur snapped his fingers, "Oh yeah! Of course my bad, a certain furry was distracting you y/n!" he said happily, as he directed the group towards his car and Tommy who was basically already there.

"Noooooo!!!" Fundy grumbled as he brought his free hand up to his face.

Tommy stood at the car now, trying to open the front seat door “Shut up furry boy, I want pizza!” he shouted, trying the door again.

A mischievous grin crossed your face as you lifted his hand up near your face, "It's okay babe, I love you even though you're a furry!" you teased him, which made him groan.

"No no no no no! Stop it!!" he pulled his hand out of yours, causing you to frown, before he crossed his arms and stopped in the middle of the parking lot "I'm not a furry and you know it y/n!! My own partner for fucks sake." You could tell from his high pitched voice that he was joking but you still felt a twinge of guilt in your stomach

Carefully you grabbed his wrists and tried to pull his hands from his face but he pulled against you, “Noooo, sweetheart I’m sorry.” You say in a soft voice, now trying to pull his hands away with a good portion of your body weight. “Baaaaabe, please...” you pleaded, you could feel him tense and shuffle his feet to better support your weight, his hands still not moving. “Oh, this is just unfair now!” you say exasperated.

Fundy tried to keep his pouting bit up but quickly broke into a laugh, it was the fox esque laugh he normally did, it still makes your heart flutter “Unfair!? You’re the one supporting, like, all your body weight on me!” You giggle as you start to lean down towards the ground more, making him wobble for a second before steadying out.

“Holy SHIT, I was supposed to make it awkward but you guys are doing a fine job on your own! What the fuck guys?!” Tommy complained. You turned his way to see him grumpily crawling into the back seat of Wilbur’s car, “Now stop being in love, it’s gross and I want pizza!” He shouted as he slammed his door.

You immediately let go of Fundy, almost stumbling to the ground out of embarrassment, “Listen! In my defense this is the first time I’m meeting my boyfriend! I feel like this is warranted.” you said as you got up and made your way over to the car.

“Y/n you’re gonna have to sit in the middle seat, I’m pretty sure the other two tall bastards would die if they sat there.” Wilbur said as he checked everything up at the front.

You shuffled into the middle seat, trying your best to not get into Tommy's bubble too much as Fundy sat down next to you. The drive was relatively short, only about ten minutes, and he felt even shorter when you absentmindedly cuddled into Fundy. He happily wrapped an arm around you as he rested his head on yours.

Tommy tried to complain about being stuck in the back with you two but Wilbur derailed him and got him to go on about their trip to an arcade yesterday. If you’re honest you weren’t paying attention at all but he seemed very excited about his vlog guns and you were glad he was having fun. Sighing, you lean into Fundy just a little more and he hummed quietly, if the car ride was any longer you’re pretty sure you both would have fallen asleep like that.

When Wilbur pulled the car to a stop you both begrudgingly leaned up from each other and everyone filed out of the car. Quickly you guys made your way into the restaurant, you and Fundy ordered your pizza first, just a simple medium where it was half his favorite and half yours. After they handed you your table marker you went and sat down, you and Fundy had your own both while Niki and Wilbur had one near and Tommy sat at a table by himself.

Fundy looked at the table marker in disbelief, “OH- Y/n, y/n. Holy shit, look at what table number we have.” he looks at you, quite literally making the pog face at you, which makes you giggle.

“What is it?” you ask, trying to push your giggles down as he showed you the table marker, it was bright yellow and had 69 written on it, “YOOOOOOOOO!” you said much louder than you meant to, making him break out laughing.

“Guys- Guys, you need to see this.” Fundy insisted as he turned towards the rest of the group, presenting the 69 table marker. Everyone fell into a heavy giggle fit, laughing more at another’s laugh causing a laughing feedback loop.

You bang a fist on the table a few times, struggling to breath, why were you laughing so hard? You had no idea, but man, the serotonin it gave you was wonderful. Eventually you all calmed down, the other three going back to their conversation while you and Fundy finally calm down. Silence grew between you two, it was comfortable but you’d be lying if you didn’t want an excuse to hear your boyfriend’s voice. You dig into your mind, looking for a conversation topic for a few moments before finally finding one. "So how was the plane?" you ask him, absentmindedly putting your hand on the table to tap some random tune.

His eyes flicked to your hand, smiling a little as he recognized the tune, one of Wilbur's songs, "Terrible if I'm honest, I'm unbelievably exhausted but it's okay. I'm here with you so it doesn't bother me at all." he said softly, his eyes full of love.

Blush creeped onto your face, something about him prioritizing you always made you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Before you could reply Tommy spoke up from his table, "That is the worst and cheesiest shit you could have said, you fuckin’ Simp." he was deadpanned for about two seconds before he cracked up in his bark of a laugh.

"And what about it Child Innit? You couldn't talk to someone you were interested in if you tried." Fundy retorted but his words lacked any bite to them, still it made you giggle as you heard Tommy sputter. Your friends bickering has always been the funniest and oddly coziest things.

You stop tapping the table and lean over it to lightly smack his shoulder, "Come on that was just uncalled for!" you say though a laugh, which makes him laugh.

Finally your food gets there and you both dig in, it wasn't until you took the first bite that you realized just how hungry you were. Thanks to that, the pizza didn't last long and soon the space was filled with your friend talking again. Wilbur was asking what to do next, since he really didn't have a plan, Niki suggested they go walk around town to find something to do while Tommy suggested that you all go to Wilbur's and watch Hamilton since he hadn't seen it yet.

A little to your surprise, Wilbur agreed with Tommy, mentioning how Fundy looked like he was ready to drop like a bag of cinder blocks and you had to agree with him. So once you all were fully done, Fundy paid for your pizza, Niki insisted on covering all of them but he wouldn't let her. As you all packed up to get back into the car you watched Fundy slip the table marker into his pocket, putting a finger to his lips while you both giggled. Finally, you all piled back into the car and headed to Wilbur's, which was a much shorter drive than you expected, you were much too used to America's commute times for this.

Once you were they're you all followed Wilbur up to his apartment, carefully you pulled your shoes and mask off before flopping down on his couch and getting comfortable. Fundy followed after you like a lost puppy, a little tell tale of when he got tired is that he got clingy, it was undeniably really cute. Once you sat down he sat down next to you and cuddled into you, wrapping an arm around your waist and craning his neck slightly to rest on your shoulder.

You pulled an arm up to ruffle his hair before turning and placing a soft kiss on the top of his head. He just hummed, stifling a yawn. Pulling your arm down, you turn to Niki who sat on the other end of the couch, "So how have you been Niki?" you ask, it's been a while since your last one on one conversation with her.

"Oh I've been okay!" she said happily, her eyes vaguely watching Tommy and Wilbur fight over the TV remote, "Been thinking about getting into art again, I'm not really sure yet though." she continued, trying not to laugh when she saw Wilbur basically sitting on top of Tommy, remote in hand.

A smile spread across your lips as you also tired not to laugh, mostly not to disturb your almost sleeping lover, "Oh really? That's great to hear!" you say as Tommy curses Wilbur out, insisting that he should have just let him pull Hamilton up, "I think you should go for it, especially if it makes you happy! I bet your fans, especially fanartist, would love it." you encourage her, you didn't interact with the Minecraft Youtuber fan community often, but a hunch told you that you were right.

"Maybe, maybe..." she nodded, it was hard to explain but you could tell she seemed at least a little more sure of herself now. By now Wilbur had let Tommy off of the ground as he pressed play on Hamilton. You've never seen the actual musical but you've heard all the songs enough to know them by heart, whether that was a good thing or not you couldn't tell.

Once the musical started playing the Wilbur and Tommy scrambled to the two recliners on either side of Wilbur's couch, getting comfortable for the long show. You frankly didn't watch it all that much, mostly just listening as you closed your eyes and rested your head on Fundy's. All your movements were deliberate, you were being very careful and highly aware just to make sure you didn't jolt him awake. Not that you were sure he was asleep, but you'd rather be safe than sorry.

You basically spoke it into existence because within the next five minutes you notice his breathing even out and the hand on your hip becomes loose, limp even. You silently curse to yourself as you realize just how badly this is going to hurt his neck. After debating with yourself for what you would call way to long you decide to catch Niki's attention, "Psst, Niki, Nikiiiiii," you say quietly, dragging out the second 'i' till she looks over at you, "would you mind if Fundy rested his feet, well legs- he’s fuckin’ tall- his feet would be more on the arm rest- on you? I don't want him to hurt his neck." you say gesturing to him.

She gives you a quick nod and you lightly shake Fundy's shoulder, "Hey baby, lay your head down in my lap, I don't want you hurting your neck." you whisper, he grumbles some but listens to you. Once his head is in your lap he pulls his legs to his chest and seemingly falls back asleep. Noticing this you look up at Niki and shrug, she shrugs back with a soft smile before turning back to the musical.

Carefully you run your hands through his hair and he unconsciously leans into the touch making you smile. He's a lot more fox-like than he'll ever admit but that's okay, he doesn't need to admit it for it to be cute. With your boyfriend much more comfortable you happily turn your attention to the screen, absentmindedly messing with his hair as you sing along to the songs under your breath.

When the musical ended Tommy let out a loud cheer, which caught everyone off guard and definitely made you jump which in turn made Fundy jump awake. “Oh shit- What happening?” he asked as he sat up and straightened his legs while rubbing his face.

“You passed out during one of the best musicals ever, dickhead.” Tommy replied deadpan and all Fundy replied with was a very confused and tired face. Tommy scoffed and looked away, making you laugh, how and why that boy was always so dramatic you don’t know but it was undoubtedly entertaining.

Shrugging, Fundy leaned over and placed a soft kiss on your cheek, “Hey, babe.” he said, lingering just long enough for you to place a kiss on his cheek back before leaning away again. “So what’s the plan now?” he asked, yawning.

“Well, Niki did suggest we walk around and just look for stuff to do, so why don’t we do that?” Wilbur asked, “Especially since now Fundy’s had a nap and all.” he stood up and stretched, groaning quietly.

Fundy followed after him, much to your surprise, and as he stood up he looped his arm in yours and pulled you up with him. You halfheartedly groan but don't stop him, "I'll be honest I've barely seen the ocean, let alone literally any other country." you mostly mumble, processing just how embarrassing that is to say to a bunch of Europeans.

Tommy shot up from his seat, "You've never seen the ocean??" he basically screams, getting a lighthearted smack from Wilbur, "Guys. Guys. We gotta go to the boardwalk, y/n would love it, it's considered-" he faked gagged, "-romantic."

You roll your eyes but don't argue, slightly leaning on Fundy for a few seconds before you lean up and gently place a kiss on his lips. There was a slight second of surprise on his face before it melted into a lovestruck look as he looked down at you. Your heartbeat was in your throat, that is a look you'll never get used to, a look that says you're the only person in his world, or at least the only one right now.

Before you could kiss him again Niki lightly shoulder checked you, oh shit, when did she get up? "Get your shoes on lovebirds." she said, you looked around to see the other three were basically already to go and scramble away from Fundy, your face going bright red.

You quickly make your way to your shoes, pull them on and put your mask on, and open the door for the others. The other three filed out, Wilbur waiting by the door frame and once you shut the door he locked it. “Aye, y/n, do you mind if I vlog? I’m a vlogger now!” Tommy asked as you all made your way to the street, he dramatically dragged out how he said ‘vlogger’ making you laugh a little harder than you meant to.

“Go for it big man, I don’t care if Fundy doesn’t.” You reply, threading your fingers in Fundy’s while the group starts walking, Tommy and Wilbur leading the group.

Fundy shrugged, “Since y/n’s okay with it, go crazy.” he agreed, Tommy let out a cheer and shoulder checked Wilbur just to mess with him. You can’t help but chuckle, “What’s so funny?” Fundy asks.

Waving your free hand you laugh a little more, “Oh, just seeing Will and Tommy in person reminded me how I thought they were actually brothers before we all got close.”

He looked at the two in question, squinting his eyes for a couple of seconds before he nodded, “Yeah! I see it, they definitely act like it.” he said as they burst out into a Hamilton song, Niki laughing as she joined in. Before you knew it Tommy had pulled out his phone, recording their shenanigans with a bright smile on his face.

It was all really loud and energetic so you and Fundy just quietly watched as the chaos unfolded. Tommy picked random times to start vlogging, catching half conversations and shots of the town. It all felt familiar even though you were the only one who didn’t really stream or do youtube, but it reminds you of when you just chill in their streams, mostly in the background to vibe. After a bit of wandering around you all ended up at a little food stand, getting a small snack before you went onto the boardwalk.

Once you all finished your snacks, Tommy started recording again, “I never know what I should record with these things.” he said, turning to look at Wilbur who just shrugged.

“The trick to making a good vlog is to just record everything, like just go up to people and ask ‘Hey, can I vlog?’“ Wilbur said, talking slightly with his hands.

Tommy groaned, “But then I look like a dickhead-!”

“Not if you ask!” Wilbur insisted, interrupting the teen. “Record your feet as you walk and go up to people and ask them random questions.” he continued, you watched the look on Tommy’s face turn mischievous as he turned the camera to Fundy and you.

“Hey! Fundy! What do you think of women?” Tommy asked, the phone all too close to Fundy. He stumbled for a slight second before pulling up the 69 table marker, barely holding a straight face as he tried to not laugh. “Oh- Oh my god! That is so incredibly offensive. Is that- Is that all women are to you Fundy?” Tommy asked while he cackled, causing everyone else to laugh with him. “Sexist Fundy!! Sexist Fundy and his sexist by association partner!” He joked.

That made you lose your mind, something about being sexist by association was the funniest goddamn thing you’d heard all day. You leaned onto Fundy as you struggled to breathe, instinctively you repeated the joke under your breath as you laughed which somehow sent the group into another laughing fit as Tommy tired to move on with the bit.

Eventually you all dropped the bit and happily spent the next two hours just wandering around the boardwalk and talking about whatever came to mind. Around the hour mark NIki had to leave, giving you all light hugs before she left on her own. The other hour was basically Tommy’s podcast, not that you were complaining, it was nice to listen too as the topics naturally jumped between each other and you did make sure to add your input when you felt like it was needed. It wasn’t until Tommy had gone on a long ramble about the youtube algorithm that you actually started to tune out. You swung your hand that held Fundy’s with a little bit of force, a smile in your eyes as you looked out at the ocean. “Really pretty, huh?” Fundy asked, knocking you out of your thoughts.

“Oh yeah, I’m so used to fields I never thought oceans would look this pretty...” You say quietly before you turn to Fundy and squeeze his hand in yours, “But I’d say you're still the prettiest thing I’ve seen by a long shot!” You whisper to him, your voice soft with adoration as you watch his face go red under his mask.

He quickly looked away from you, ducking his head a little, “Then you should really start investing in mirrors if you think I’m the prettiest thing.” he replied just as quietly, his voice a little unsteady. It was cute to watch him flirt, how he tended to tiptoe the line of stuttering, rarely looking you in the eyes when he said it.

Your face heats up as you tilt your head, “Oh, really?” You ask, “I feel like I nee-” you go to continue before Tommy screams, making you jump and everyone to stop in their tracks. Your head snaps in his direction as his phone starts to ring, which true to his brand his ringtone was able sisters.

The rest of you stayed mostly quiet, absentmindedly you teetered from leg to leg while you tried your best to not eavesdrop on Tommy's conversation. Which was a much harder task than you’d expect, whether Tommy had his call volume all the way up or his dad is where he gets his loud persona from and you could hear his dad say he’d be at Wilbur’s to pick him up in a little under an hour. Tommy said okay and quickly hung up, probably to avoid his dad saying anything that embarrassed him which made you chuckle. He swiped at his phone a few times before holding his phone up near his face, “Okay, we gotta finish this vlog up! Wilbur, it was nice hanging out with you and-” He turned the camera to Fundy, laughing at his annoyed look, “-and sad Fundy.” He turned to the sky in front of you guys.

Quickly, Tommy and Wilbur devolved into banter as they ended the vlog and Fundy drags you to a bench on the side of the boardwalk. “Tommy was right though,” he says quietly and he wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pulling you to rest on his shoulder. “the boardwalk is pretty romantic.”

You giggle as you lean into him more, “And you’re pretty cheesy.”

“Oh, so you get to call me the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen, but I don’t get to say that walking on a boardwalk with the love of my life is romantic?” Fundy grumbles but there’s no bite to it.

“Well yeah! That- Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.” You interrupted yourself, finally processing the words he just said, you bring your hands up to his face and cup it lightly, “Fundy- Fundy did you just call me the,” you swallow thickly, it’s not a problem if did, it’s just. You weren’t expecting him to care as much as you did already, multiple past relationships had taught you that you fall too hard and too fast for others to keep up, even if they wanted to. “The love of your life?” your voice drops to a whisper, like you hadn’t been dating for five months already and he could reject you right here, right now.

Fundy couldn’t help the light chuckle that left him and he brought his free hand to rest on one you had on his face, “Of course,” his eyes soften as he watches shock and blush spread across your face, “I had fallen in love with you the first time I heard your voice and I only fall more everyday.” He rubbed his thumb on your hand, you thought you’d pass out with how your heart soared at the lovestruck look he gave you, “Hell, y/n I’m pretty sure I’ve fallen in love with you more every second of this trip.” he moved to kiss the top of your head before remembering the masks and just resting his face in your hair.

Any and all words had completely dropped out of your head, “I… I don’t know how to respond to that…'' You mumbled, moving your hands from his face to wrap your arms around his waist as you bury your face into his body.

He hummed quietly, rubbing your shoulder, “And that’s fine, I already know you love me, don’t worry.” he yawned at the end of his sentence, snuggling into you more as he closed his eyes.

“How are you still tired?” You ask in a mumbe, surprised.

Shrugging, Fundy holds in another yawn, “Maybe you should just stop feeling as comfortable as home does, then maybe I won't be so tired.” He replies, while his words held weight his voice was soft.

Lazily, your gaze fell to the horizon, then to an arguing Wilbur and Tommy, you couldn’t hear them but you could assume they were arguing over something trivial. “Never,” you reply quietly, “if feeling like home to you means I get to hold you in my arms, then I never want to change that. I can deal with a clingy sleepy Funs for the rest of my life, frankly I think it’s cute.” you can feel him tense from embarrassment under you.

He quickly relaxes and grumbles and hides his face in your hair more, “I’m going to never be tired again out of spite now.” he said, mumbled by your hair.

You can help but laugh, your entire body bouncing with it as you replied, “Yeah, sure love. Whatever you say.” As hard as he tried he can’t keep a straight face and he quickly falls into giggling with you. After a bit you both calm down, simply enjoying each other's company while you don’t have any of your friends to, albeit lovingly, bully you. Neither of you are really sure how long you sat there, but before you knew it Wilbur was shaking your shoulder.

“Get up lovebirds or the offer to my guest bedroom is void.” He said in a dead tone, if you couldn’t see him you possibly would have believed him but his eyes said the opposite.

Sighing, you wiggled your way out of Fundy’s arms and tugged him up with you, intertwining your fingers. “Oh nooo! Whatever should we do! Fundy, my love, he’s going to make us sleep outside on this cold Brighton night!” You dramatically lean on him, bringing your hand to your forehead, suppressing a smile as you watched him try not to laugh.

Wilbur smirked as he puffed out his chest and touched it with just his finger tips, “It is all going to plan! Thy shall perish by sunrise!” his voice sounded like a rich british person making it impossible for any of you to keep a straight face, Fundy was the first to double over in laughter, you and Wilbur followed close behind.

Slowly the wheezing calmed down and you all came back to your senses, wide smiles plastered onto your faces, “Wait, did Tommy leave?” You ask, frowning some.

Stretching his arms above his head, Wilbur nodded, “Yeah, his dad picked him up while you and Fundy were having your moment on the bench. He didn’t wanna interrupt you guys.” he shrugs.

You can’t help but grumble, “Damn, I at least wanted to say goodbye to him!”

Reaching over, Wilbur lightly pats your shoulder, “Ey, don’t take it personally. You know he’s a busy guy, plus you know he cares for you.”

Nodding, you lean into Fundy again as you all silently come to the decision to start walking home. It was nice to listen to Fundy and Wilbur ramble on about things together, going from DreamSMP lore, to Wilbur's new album, to Fundy's new plugins, before looping back to music as Wilbur opened his front door. You didn’t really pay attention to what they were saying, just enjoying the noise of their voices.

As you all step in you pull off your shoes and masks, moving into the living room, “You can play my keyboard if you want Fundy.” You hear Wilbur say, visibly perking up at the idea, which Wilbur noticed, snickering as moved further into his house, “Seems like y/n very interested in the idea of you serenading them with your piano skills.”

Now they’re both laughing and you’re pretty sure this is where you sign your will and accept your fate. Quietly grumbling, you bury your face in your free hand, “Both of you shut your ups, I swear to god, I’ll go sleep in the airport.” you threaten, even though you’re all aware that’s an empty threat.

Fundy just laughs, letting go of your hand to wrap an arm around you “All you had to do is ask, you know.” you could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke which only made you blush more. Stupid cute boyfriend and his cute laugh and smiles and kind touches and- You pull your other hand up to your face and drag them down before pull them back up and through your hair.

You looked at Fundy with a loving but exhausted face, “You’re going to be the end of me, you know that right?” You say, only a little exasperated, you can still feel the heat on your face.

He smiled at you, it's warn, genuine, as he replied, “That’s okay, you’ll be the end to me too” he placed a soft kiss on your forehead. Smiling, you snaked your arms around him and pulled him into a kiss as he moved so that his hands so that they rested on your hips. Before you pulled apart you both could hear Wilbur yell something from his bedroom, office? Broffice. Chuckling as you finally did pull apart, Fundy pulled you to the broffice, Wilbur sat in front of his keyboard before noticing you guys and getting up.

He dragged you over with him and sat down, patting the seat for you to sit with him and you did, leaning on him lightly as he played a few short things to get used to the keyboard. It was nice to listen to, the small mistakes made you smile as you watched his hands, “Will, you should tell me where you got this, my keyboard is all wobbly. Makes playing certain songs hell.” he said, starting to play C418 Sweden.

Sighing, you close your eyes, sinking into the music and the warmth of Fundy pressed against you. Fundy switched through songs he knew carefully playing to be sure not to jostle you too much, you’re not sure when it happened but at some point you could hear Wilbur’s guitar. Quietly you hummed along while the two played, in the back of your mind all you could think about was doing this more often. Weekly would be nice, just a bunch of your friends get together and you listen to your boyfriend and best friends play.

Before you knew it Fundy was lightly shaking you awake, “Babe, come on, come with me to our room.” He says quietly. You let out a hum, letting him pull you up and along to your shared room. You hear some shuffling and zipping of bags as you halfheartedly try to rub the sleep out of your eyes. “Here, go change out of your jeans, sleeping in those isn’t exactly comfortable.” he said softly, shoving a pair of sweats and a t-shirt into your arms. You move over to the bed and set them down before stripping to change, which immediately makes Fundy squeak, “WOAH- Woah- I- Hold on!” Fundy stuttered out as he turned around.

You can’t help but giggle as you pull off your shirt, “Why are you so embarrassed? You’re my boyfriend, you know?” you tease him as you slide on the shirt he gave you, the first thing you notice is how big it is, had to be one of his shirts.

You watch him bring his hands to his face, you could see how red his ears were from here, “Well, I mean, yeah but I’m being polite.” He mumbled, ducking his head as he moved his hands to the back of his head.

Pulling off the jeans quickly before slipping on the sweats, you walk over to Fundy and loop your arms around his waist, resting your face on his back. “Okay, Mr. I’m Very Polite and Nice, I’m all changed. It’s time for bed.” You say, tugging him slightly towards the bed. He nodded and pulled himself out of your grasp, headed to the bed as he dragged you along. He flopped down and you soon followed, quickly he shuffled the blanket over you both and pulled you into his chest.

The two of you sat there quietly, relishing in each other's touch as you listened to the other’s heartbeat. It was almost overwhelming how much Fundy felt like home, how his touches brought a sense of calm you didn’t you could get to. It was weird, new, exciting even, in its own way.

Then the fact you were leaving tomorrow hit you like a ton of bricks. Your brain starts to spiral, unconsciously your grip tightens on the front of Fundy’s shirt. You feel like you can’t breathe. Your eyes blur as you feel Fundy grab your hand, steadying it- wait when did you start shaking? He rubbed soft circles on it, his other hand felt grounding on your back as you curled into him just ever so slightly more. Two days wasn't enough. One night wasn't enough. You don't know how you're going to breathe now that you've learned what it feels like to actually have him by your side. "It's not fair." you quietly grumble, the words barely comprehensible.

His grip on your shirt tightens as he places a kiss on the top of your head, "I know, I know babe..." his voice was soft as he spoke, "Let's just enjoy it while we have it."

All you can do is nod, your brain too busy trying to memorize what it felt like to have your head tucked under his chin and your arms around his waist. After a couple of cozy silent minutes Fundy started to hum a tune, you couldn't recognize it but you know he's sung it to you before. You could feel the hums in his chest, the scene felt surreal, like every other part of this day. You didn’t bother stopping the tears that pricked your eyes.

You fell asleep like that, him humming quietly and rubbing calming circles on your back. Trying your best you committed every touch to memory as you slowly faded into sleep, just barely catching Fundy whispering "I love you, y/n." as you feel into one of the most comfortable rests of your life.

When you woke up your arms and legs were entangled with Fundy’s gangly ones, his face softly tucked into the crook of your neck. You didn’t want to move and unless someone had a real good reason you weren’t going to. You’re pretty sure this is what heaven feels like, holding the love of your life close as the sun poked through the half drawn curtains making the whole situation feel all the more unreal. That moment was cut short as Fundy started to wake up, instinctively pulling away from you as he did so. You whine quietly and weakly try to pull him back, after a few seconds he listens and reburies his face in your neck.

The two of you laid there like that for a while, probably around an hour, before you begrudgingly tell him you both should get up. Fundy let out a loud groan as you slipped out of his grasp, you sat up and stretched your arms over your head, looking over at him who now laid with his arms stretched out from his body.

Wait. When did he take his shirt off? Of course you've seen him shirtless before but something about seeing it in person is fundamentally different. It felt so much more, intimate, than before. You hadn't even realized you were staring till Fundy spoke up, a laugh in his words "If your gonna stare might as well touch." his voice was low, still laced with sleep.

"Wh- I- Uh. Well. I mean-" you stutter out, looking away making him laugh more. After a few seconds you look back at him, he didn't move at all, which didn't surprise you. Silently you turn towards him, you glance up at him holding his sleepy gaze as your hand hovered over his waist. He gave you a small encouraging nod and you lightly touched him, his muscles involuntarily tense at your touch, shit your hands were cold weren’t they? You internally cringe at yourself but just as quickly as he tensed, he relaxed, letting out a quiet hum as your hand started to warm.

You felt so dumb, looking at Fundy like you were a child seeing fireworks for the first time holding the same hesitation, even as if you could burn yourself or worse, you could hurt him. Of course, you knew you wouldn’t hurt him but unfamiliarity and anxiety boiled in your stomach no matter how many times you tried to tell yourself it was okay. Looking up at Fundy you can see his face soften, a smile on his lips as he leaves you to your own devices, not wanting to interrupt whatever process you were creating.

Silently grumbling at the lack of direction and you go to place your other hand on him, only to realize just how weirdly you were positioned. You pulled away from him, earning yourself an eyebrow raise from your boyfriend which you just wave your hand at. Carefully you straddle his hips, earning a soft grunt from him but he doesn't stop you, somehow you manage to just completely blank just how close you are as you continue to run your hands over his chest.

Despite how inherently not innocent the scene looked out of context, in context it was the exact opposite. Your movements were filled with both boundless curiosity as you tried to commit the feeling of his soft, pale skin under your hands and endless hesitation as you tried not to do something wrong. "You know, you are really, really handsome..." you say quietly, it's still hard to believe you're actually able to touch him if you're honest.

Softly you cup his face, leaning down and placing soft kisses all over it, making him quietly giggle. Pecking softly at his lips before you moved on to his jaw, then his neck. It was odd, to get to this point of intimacy without there being some sort of sexual motive threw you off, but it was a much welcomed change of pace. Something about leaving light kisses on the neck and collarbone felt different when it was just reassurances of love.

As you sit up away from him he hums quietly, finally awake enough to really process what's happening. After another minute or so he sat up quickly, knocking you off balance and sending you back towards his legs. Before you hit his legs he grabbed your waist, pulling you close, the situation happened so fast that by the time you realized he was fully awake you were already in his arms, both of you giggling messes. Fundy rested his nose in the crook of your neck, you could feel the smile he wore pressed against your skin.

It was a calm and serene scene, one you hope to have again and again and again when you guys can be together more. While you were lost in thought he smirked as he blew a raspberry on your neck, making you let out a loud laugh, "WH- Wait- Hold on! I! Fu-Fundy, what the f-uck??" you struggled to ask through your laughter as he continued to assault your neck with raspberries, moving in between each one.

You pushed against him, trying and failing to get away from his attack. After multiple failed sentences, giggles, and barks of laughter he finally let you go, his face plastered in a smug but still genuinely happy grin. You wanted to ask him what that was all about but air was not being your friend so you just rested your head in his shoulder, struggling to catch your breath.

"I'm sorry, but after I let you pamper me while I was half asleep I thought I'd just keep the train rolling." he said as if he read your mind, his hands resting comfortably on your hips as he placed a kiss on your cheek. "I couldn't resist your laughter, I love it too much!" he said happily.

You let out a quiet defeated sigh, moving so now your cheek rested on his shoulder, your nose nestled in the crook of his neck. "Did Wilbur have plans for us today?" you ask quietly, part of you wished he did but another part of you is completely okay with laying in bed with Fundy till you needed to go to the airport.

Fundy thought for a moment, fingers tapping lightly on your hips, "No idea, honestly." he finally said, shrugging ever so slightly. "I should probably text him." he pulled one of his hands off of you and leaned to grab his phone off the bedside table. He moved his hand to your lower back and he leaned over you to see his phone. Melting into his touch you let out a quiet hum as you placed a hand over his heart, feeling his heartbeat through your fingertips as he typed away on his phone. You two sat like that for a few minutes before he spoke up, “Wilbur said he was gonna go get drinks with Niki, Phil, and Tristin later today, around four pm. We’re free to join but he also understands if you don’t wanna drink before your flight.”

Silently you thought, tapping your fingers lightly on his chest. On one hand it would be nice to chill out with Phil, especially since neither you or Fundy had met with him in person yet. On the other you know you, and if you were hanging around a bunch of people who were drinking you’re going to end up drinking as well. “As much as I hate to say it, I really don’t wanna drink before my flight.” You say sighing, Fundy just nods as he shoots a message back to Wilbur.

“Well since we’re gonna lay in bed all day…” Fundy started as he turned his body and flopped you both down onto your sides, both of you giggling messes. Carefully you moved your hands from his chest to his face, cupping his cheeks softly. “... You know you’re really, really pretty?” he whispered, grabbing one of your hands and placing a soft kiss on your palm.

You sputter and duck your head, trying to hide the blush on your face. “You may have told me one or two times…” You say quietly, mostly as a joke.

His head perks up, “Only once or twice?” He asked, you chuckle and continue the bit nodding. He gasped as he softly makes you look at him, he holds your face as he gives you a serious look, “You’re pretty, you are so goddamn pretty, y/n. I every fucking day think about how you are the most beautiful person I have ever seen. Any time my mind wonders it finds its way to you because- because, you just- y/n you feel like home. Whenever I’m with you, whether that’s in person or in some form of call, I feel like I should pinch myself and remind myself that I’m actually awake.” He stops for a second, taking a few breaths as your face gets redder making him chuckle slightly. “God- I am so in love with you. I- To quote you from last night: You’re going to be the end of me, you know that right?” he finishes his spiel.

You’re on cloud nine. Point blank. “Damn it, how the hell do you always know what to say?” you mumble before you snaked your arms around his neck and connect your lips. It wasn’t heated but it was passionate, full of emotions that didn’t have proper words but still needed to be communicated. Pulling apart you both were panting, only a few microseconds before you started laughing, “We are so cheesy, oh my god.” you say quietly through laughter, he joined you with a large smile on his face.

“Maybe we are cheesy, but we’re cheesy together so who cares.” he replied, placing a soft kiss on your nose.

You laughed harder, fingers messing with his hair by the nape of his neck, “You’re proving my point you fuckin’ nerd!” You basically cackled out, when you looked up the in love look in his eyes almost knocked the breath out of you. You tucked yourself under his chin, hiding your face as a hand still carded through his hair.

You two sat in bed for a few hours, scrolling through different platforms and showing each other funny or cute things. It was nice, cozy even as you fell into a simple routine, every once and a while you’d switch positions and continue with your scrolling. All too soon five pm rolled around and Fundy reluctantly brought it to your attention, “Hey love, your flight’s at eight right?” he asked quietly, you two were spooning, you as the little spoon as his chin was tucked over your shoulder.

Groaning, you nodded, “Yeah it is.” you say quietly, sinking into his touch more.

It was quiet for a few seconds before he continued, “We need to get up..” he slowly pulled away from you, making you whine but inevitably listen. Groggily, you make your way to your bag, pulling out a simple t-shirt and jeans. You stripped and Fundy did the same thing as last night, making you chuckle but you don’t say anything this time.

Once changed you walk over to him and lean up to give him a kiss on the cheek, “How mad do you think Wilbur would be if I made us some breakfast? Well, ‘breakfast’.” You asked, making air quotes around the second breakfast.

He hummed, thinking for a second before shrugging, “Probably not at all, but if he does it was my idea.” he said as he turned around and placed a kiss on your forehead, “I’m gonna shower real fast so just come knock on the door when it’s done.”

You nodded and peeled yourself off of him, making your way to the kitchen. You make some simple eggs and toast, not wanting to use too much food from your friends kitchen and when you finished fifteen minutes later Fundy was walking into the kitchen, “Aw man, you put a shirt on.” you say in faux disappointment.

He sputtered for a second before shaking his head, “We are literally about to leave and go out in public.” he said, grabbing one of the plates from the counter as he looked through the drawers for a fork.

Rolling your eyes, you lightly bump his hip with yours when he finally finds the forks, dropping the subject in favor of some comfortable silence while you both ate. Or at least partially comfortable, the fact of the plane ride still hung in the air, uncommented on but there. Fundy finished before you, placing his plate in the sink and giving you a kiss on the top of your head before heading into the guest bedroom. A few minutes later you finished your own food and you washed the dishes that you guys used, eyes falling to the stove clock: 6:30 pm. Sighing, you placed the dishes into the strainer and made your way to the guest room, “Fuuuns,” you whine more than really say, “we probably should go soon, since I wanna still say bye to Wilbur.”

He jumps at the sound of your voice, zipping up the bag in his hands on instinct, “Oh- Hey y/n!” he said quickly.

You walk over and lean on him as you look at your bag in his hands, “Whatcha up to, big man?” you asked, grabbing the bag from him.

“Oh I just, I wanted to give you something but I thought it’d be better for you to find it when you got home…” he said as you opened your bag up, smiling as you see one of his hoodies folded on the top, “I was just gonna give you one of my hoodies but it didn’t feel special enough, sooo…” he dragged out his words as you pulled out his iconic hoodie, “I gave you the hoodie.” he finished with a large smile.

Your face goes bright red as you pull it on, it smelled like him, like home, you’re too lost in the gesture to notice when Fundy pulled you close and kissed the top of your head. “You’re… You’re.” You didn’t know what words you were trying to find, you knew he loved this hoodie, he wore it all the time even, it felt weird, both very wrong and very right for you to take it, “Are you sure?” you asked quietly.

“Of course,” He hummed, “what better thing to remind you that I love you and that I’m here for you than my favorite hoodie?” you just stuttered in response and nodded, “Plus you look very cute in my clothes.” he said as he leaned away from you before he pulled you into a kiss, it took you a few seconds to kiss him back, the cogs in your brain fighting between stopping entirely and going twice the speed.

When he pulled away from you, you were breathless, “Man. I’m going to die without your kisses, what the hell…” You mumbled as you buried your face into his chest.

“Nooo, don’t die,” he replied dramatically, “if you die then how am I gonna kiss you when you come back?” he jokingly held you tightly, but a small part of you knew it wasn’t a joke, that he fully processed just how much he’s going to miss holding you.

You let out a sigh muffled by his chest, “Well, guess I’ll just live forever.” you said quietly, which made him chuckle slightly. You know it’s a joke but if you could find a way, you would. Just for Fundy. After a few seconds you reluctantly pulled yourself out of his grasp, zipping up the large hoodie before putting the backpack on.

Fundy let out a sigh as he patted his pockets, “Wilbur’s letting me drive you to the airport using his car.” He said as he pulled out Wilbur’s keys, showing them to you.

You nodded before you cupped his face and placed a soft kiss on his lips, “I love you so, so, so goddamn much, Fundy.” you whispered, placing your forehead on his.

“I love you too, y/n. And the distance between us doesn’t change that in the slightest.” he whispered back, his voice slightly shook as he spoke which made your heart hurt. Slowly he pulled away from you, grabbing your hand with his as he dragged you to the door, you both slipped on your shoes and masks before heading out to the car.

The car ride to the pub Wilbur was at with Phil and Kristin was quiet, not a bad quiet but quiet nonetheless. The radio played soft classical music as Fundy carefully drove the car through the town, you can’t tell if you’re surprised by that being Wilbur’s default station or not. Once you guys got there you quickly got out of the car, telling Fundy you’ll be back soon as you ran in and told Wilbur goodbye. It wasn’t all that much, you gave him a hug and promised to text him once your plane landed to let him know you were safe. You quickly said hi to Phil and Kristin, apologizing that you couldn’t stay longer, which they brushed off, saying that there’ll always be another time.

By the time you and Fundy were finally on your way to the airport it was a quarter past seven, the drive there was viscerally different than the drive to say bye to Wilbur. He drove with one hand, his free one resting carefully in your’s as he rubbed the back of it with his thumb. The silence was almost oppressive as you sat there but neither of you knew what to say, so you both stayed quiet. The silence stretched on into the airport, it was odd but somehow fitting. It was the first time neither of you could really bring yourself to break the silence.

Fundy eventually did, though. After you had made it through security, you two sat down on the benches waiting for them to call your flight number. It started with a laugh, a sad one, followed by a quiet apology, “I’m sorry I haven’t said anything y/n…” He basically said to himself, you’re pretty sure if you had even an ounce less of self control you’d start crying right then.

Carefully, you cupped his face, a sad smile in your eyes, “Don’t worry love. Trust me, I understand.” you replied as you rubbed your thumbs over his cheek bones. He silently nodded, wrapping his arms around your torso as he pulled you close. You moved your hands from his face and wrapped your arms around his neck, “It’ll be fine, just like Phil said to me in the pub today, ‘there’ll always be another time.’ I’ll visit again when this is all over, next time for longer.” You promise him, voice hushed so that only you two can hear it.

“Yeah, yeah. Of course, next time.” he said, it was so soft, as if he said it too loud something would curse against it. The two of you sat like that for a few minutes, enjoying the last time you’d hold each other for at least a long while. All too soon they called for your plane and reluctantly you pulled away from him. Quickly he pulled down his mask, looking at you for a long second before you do the same, softly he connected your lips, it was a slow and desperate kiss. One that knew you had to leave but so strongly wish you didn’t that you could have mistaken it for tangible.

When you pull apart, you smile at him, pressing a light kiss on his cheek before standing up, “I’ll see you soon, yeah?” you ask, fixing your mask.

He nodded, probably much more aggressively than he meant to, “Yeah, definitely.”

[ilovebeing-weird]

Have a Coffee

Chapter-3

Chapter-1 Chapter-2

So, people who like angst. There won't be much angst here. I hate it! There would be hurt/comfort at best. This is going to be a fluffy story. And if I get anything wrong in the airport scenes, it's because idk how they work. Never been to an airport.

"Flight 204, to New York, from Air France will leave soon. Passengers please board the plane. Flight 204....." The voice was heard from the speakers

"Queenie, it's our flight. Let's go." Marinette called Chloe, who was busy fighting with a person, because he didn't recognise her and it's 'ridiculous, utterly ridiculous'

"Hmph, you better keep up with the celebrities. I am the Chloe Bourgeois. The only daughter of Style Queen, Audrey Bourgeois. The person who has her own amazing business. The best friend of cocci-"

"Chlo!" Mari put her hand to prevent her from speaking more than necessary. "Our flight, let's go."

"Oh"

"Je suis désolée Monsieur." (I am sorry sir)

"C'est bon." (It's okay)

"Let's go Chloe."

"I can't wait to go to New York! It's gonna be sooo much fun! I am so excited" Adrien squealed heading towards his seat

"When are you not excited?" Kagami asked rolling her eyes at her boyfriend's behavior

"Don't put your cloudy shade over my sunlight." Adrien said dramatically, in response Kagami again rolled her eyes.

"If you think I am such a rain cloud, why are you dating me?"

"Because I love you, Duh!"

Kagami's face went as red as a tomato.

"Aww, you're blushing!"

"No, I am not."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I am not."

"Yes-"

"Guys as cute as you are, can we just please move." Luka said moving to his seat

"Sorry Lukes."

"Luka-bear, window seat is mine."

"I know Bee."

"Mari, you get the aisle seat. And Lu you'll have to sit in the middle." Chloe pointed to everyone's seat

"Yes Queenie!" Marinette saluted

"Perfect, now I will sleep for hours, I need my beauty sleep after all. If I will get dark circles it will be ridi-"

"RIDICULOUS, UTTERLY RIDICULOUS" All of them yelled

"Melody, your soul mark is in English, right. Maybe you'll find your soulmate here."

"Oooooh"

"Yeah, probably. My luck is not that good though."

"Don't lose hope yet Marinette, who knows maybe something good will happen."

"Maybe"

"The flight is ready to take off, passengers please wear their seatbelts. The flight is ready to…"

"I think we should get seated." Kagami took her seat "And Mars, don't worry, you will find your soulmate soon. It's destiny."

"You're right. It's destiny."

They all got seated, and Marinette was dying from lack of her coffee.

"I need my coooooffeeeee."

"No, sleep."

"Coffeeeee."

"Mel, for the last time, Sleeeeep!! Please."

"But I don't wanna. I have work-"

"That can wait. I am sure your clients will understand. And even if they won't I am sure you're ahead of your schedule." Marinette opened her mouth to say something but closed it again, it happened for a good three minutes before she gave in.

"......fine."

"Good"

"but you are working as my mannequin later."

"If it gets you to sleep."

"Why are you obsessed with making me sleep?"

"Because I care." Came his soft reply.

~After 5 hours~

"Marinette~ Where are you?~" A maniacal voice was heard

"Marinette! Answer me before I come there! Guess I will have to teach you another lesson!"

"Why don't you just die, you stupid piece of shit?" A punch

"Why are you even alive?" A kick

"You're nothing more than a waste of space." A push and marinette fell to the ground

"Nobody ever loved you, and nobody ever will! You don't even have a soulmate!" Marinette tried to say something, deny it, tell them that she had one, but she couldn't "And your "friends" they just hang out with you for pity!"

"I can't even believe I was friends with you!"

"You're nothing more than a jealous bully!"

She tried to do something, anything! But she wasn't able to, it was almost like she was bound by an invisible force.

"I hate you! I can't believe I was besties with you! You are just a liar and a bully!" Another kick, it didn't hurt. Not more than their betrayal.

"Asshole!"

"Bitch!"

"Slut"

"Waste of time!"

She sat there, listening to them. All of their insults, she didn't care. Not anymore.

"Guess I will have to put an end to it all, huh? I feel sad, you were a good playtoy." Her da-, no Mr.Dupain said, and the knife came down, she was screaming but no sound came out

"Marinette!" Huh? She didn't die?

"Marinette!" Adrien, she recognized the voice

"Marinette!" Marinette woke up with a shock

"What happened?"

"You were screaming and thrashing in your sleep."

"Oh, I had a nightmare." Adrien wiped her tears, she'd been crying? She didn't know.

"Wanna talk about it?" No she didn't, it will make it all real. It would bring flashbacks and she would have a panic attack.

"Not really." It was good that Adrien respected her wishes and didn't push it. "How long till we reach?"

"Uh, it's been five hours, so I am guessing three hours more. You wanna eat something?"

"N-" Adrien cut her off

"You know what? You do want to. You will obviously deny it, but I am not gonna let you starve."

"Why are you all like this?"

"Like what? So caring and such good friends? You deserve it."

"I hate you, each one of you."

"Aww, you know you love us! You looove us"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Mari rolled her eyes. She knew she loved them, they knew she loved them. They all loved each other, platonically obviously. But, there was a part of her which always wondered if they hung out with her just because they pitied her. They wouldn't do that, right?

Would they?

Finally almost eight hours passed, she had eaten and now she was working on some new designs while her friends slept peacefully.

"There has been a technical issue, the flight would land right here, in Gotham. Passengers are required to please wear their seatbelts and not panic."

WHAT!? The flight had to make an abrupt stop at Gotham at all of places, the fucking CRIME CAPITAL!! Oh no, oh no, OH HELL NO! This is a disaster, this is a disaster, a disaster. Wasn't luck supposed to be on her side? Did the miraculous mean nothing?

She quickly wore her seatbelt and checked all of her friends' too before waking them up.

"Umm, guys, there has been a technical issue, the flight's gonna land now, so you may wanna wake up." It didn't work, the formal and polite option didn't work "GUYS WAKE UP! THE FLIGHT'S GONNA LAND RIGHT NOW IN GOTHAM!" That worked! It jolted awake all of them.

"Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous!!"

"You've got to be kidding me!"

"In the fucking crime capital?!"

"Maybe it is destiny." Marinette gave Luka a weird look that said 'are you crazy or something?'

"Maybe you will find your soulmate here."

"Of fucking course. In the crime capital. Maybe my soulmate is a criminal too, huh?"

"Don't be such a pessimist Mari, there are good people too in Gotham."

"So any idea what we wanna do?" Marinette asked once they were out of the plane.

"Let's order a cab to New York?"

"Yeah, let's do that. Let me check the cabs… There's no cab available for where you wanna go….. " Blood drained from Adrien's face as he read that.

"So, we are forced to stay in Gotham?"

"Kinda"

"Well what should we do now?" Luka gained their attention

"Let's go shopping!!" Chloe, obviously, cheered "Before either of you deny, Kags, you need new clothes, no offense, but you really have a bad fashion sense. Luka-bae, I need you to carry my bags. Adri-kins, Kags need you. And Mari-bear, you have a good fashion choice." Luka and Adrien sighed, guess they have to carry their bags forever.

"I don't know Chlo, I really need some coffee and have to do some work. I guess I will go to a café instead." Marinette said sheepishly

"Hmm, if you say so." Marinette was genuinely surprised that she let her off the hook. Usually she would be dragged with them. "You can send us your location and we'll meet you there in two hours?"

"Sounds like a plan."

"Okay, bye, don't have a overdose~"

"Bye queenie!"

"Now let's find a café with an internet connection and quiet environment." She quickly searched all the café near her, fortunately the nearest café was within walking distance.

She walked for ten minutes before she reached the café "coffee and joy" apparently this café has amazing coffee and the batfam, mostly Red Robin, always comes here. The atmosphere was good, not too crowded but enough for it to be good.

She walked inside, it was good. As soon as she walked in she was greeted by the fragrance of coffee. The circular tables had plants on the side, couples were talking and chattering. There were families enjoying themselves, and a person who was typing away on his computer, huh, he almost looks dead. Well, who was she to judge, she was sure she looked the same while she was working.

She went to order. The workers there were happy and cheery. Weird, this is Gotham. Aren't people supposed to be gloomy and annoyed here? Well, Paris, the supposedly city of love, the people there are--the ones she knows the rest she is sure are good--are evil. She is not even exaggerating.

"Hi! How can I help you today?" The worker, she learnt the name was Sam, asked her.

"Hey can I get a black coffee with…..eight espresso shots? thank you!" The worker looked shocked, obviously anyone would be shocked if someone ordered this much caffeine. She muttered something that she couldn't quite make out but it sounded like 'there's three of them' . What did she mean by three of them? Eh, whatever.

"What name should I write on the cup?"

"Marinette." Marinette, the only reminder of her fam- the people she lived with. The name that was given to her by her grandma that she loves dearly. At Least her grandparents are good people.

"Okay, why don't you wait and I will call you?"

"Sure" She went to the table in the corner. So she would not grab any attention but will be able to go to the counter easily when called.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tim was having a sucky day. Firstly, he was almost late to the meeting because Bruce thought it was good to let him sleep in. Fuck you Bruce! I don't need to sleep. Then Alfred banned coffee. Why? Because apparently he had a little too much coffee. Thirdly, his brothers were still obsessed with making him sleep, he already slept last night!

"Ughhh" Tim groaned, luckily his favourite café was just around the corner. He would go and grab some coffee there and work in peace.

Upon entering the café he was greeted by the sweet fragrance of coffee. Oh, how much he loved it. If he didn't find his soulmate he would marry coffee. Bruce wouldn't have a problem, right?

"Hey Sam!" Tim greeted the always cheerful barista

"Hey Mr. Drake. Your usual?"

"Yep."

"It will be ready soon!"

Thanking her Tim made his way to his usual table and took out his laptop to go over the meeting details. After a minute or so grabbing his coffee and feeling alive again Tim started working on the documents. He was so lost in his world that he didn't realise someone coming in. Only when her name was called did he realise that.

Out of curiosity, Tim looked at her, and what he saw was something he would remember forever. That woman was beautiful. He knew that it was wrong, he knew that he had a soulmate, he knew he should wait for them wherever they are, but he also knew that he felt a connection with her, he also knew that he had to take his chance. So that's what he'll do.

Waiting for a while to gather some courage and thinking about what to say. He started to make his way to her. Only to be stopped by her sad expression, she was angry, mostly sad looking at her laptop. Huh, looks like she's not having a great day. He decided that he will go to her with coffee, after all what was something that coffee couldn't solve. He ordered two coffees for them, he knew that her order was the same as his.

He took a deep breath and made his way across the café to her and offered her the beverage in his hand. "Having a rough day?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marinette was relieved that she got her coffee. She hasn't had any since morning. Why does the world have to be sooo unfair to her!? Opening her laptop she found some new commissions…..and some emails from her old class. Can they just suck it and move on? How childish can anyone be.

She knows that she shouldn't be but she was sad looking at it. She was just about to delete them when a voice startled her.

"Having a rough day? Have a coffee, It will make it better." Marinette being Marinette jumped at the voice.

"Ahh! You scared me! Wait a second….. You are my soulmate! Thanks for the coffee by the way." As soon as their hands touched there was a golden glow around them, a welcoming glow.

"Hey, soulmate. I am Timothy Drake-Wayne please call me Tim."

"Hey Tim, I am Marinette. Nice to meet you."

"The pleasure is all mine, Marinette." Tim kissed her knuckles to which she responded by blushing.

@legodetectivemalsblog

[percontaion-points]

Raven King chapter 6

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions.

Chapter 6

Nicky was bringing Jim from his improv class...

I thought Nicky had a long-term boyfriend?

Well, if he did, he probably doesn't anymore. Not with all of Nicky's jokes about cheating and him taking some rando to the big dinner.

Blackwell was slow to appear in the distance, but it didn't take long to spot the two stadiums. The football and Exy stadium were on opposite sides of the campus like massive bookends.

I'm still having a really difficult time swallowing that society completely shifted because of a sport invented some 30 years earlier.

Like I'm willing to overlook a lot for the sake of a story. But for society to just go completely and utterly apeshit over a 30 year old sport makes zero sense. AND I READ THE STORY WHERE THE LADY HAD SEX WITH THE LITERAL BULL.

Wymack pulled a bottle of vodka out of the bag and put it down beside Kevin. "You have ten seconds to inhale as much of this as you can. I'm timing you. Go."

It was alarming how much a man could drink when he needed an emotional crutch.

WOW THAT'S SUPER FUCKING HEALTHY.

Like I get that his foster-father and brother abused the shit out of him. But therapy is much better than alcoholism.

Madison was using the home locker room to change right now, so the Foxes had to go all the way around to the away side.

I really love how there's this big fancy banquet dinner where they invite all of the college exy teams, and they literally have to change in the locker room.

My high school did this band banquet, too. But we didn't have to fucking eat dinner out on the football field with our parents... We had the school cafeteria for the evening.

Out of touch author can't even think of a world where these idiots would want to rent a banquet hall. Oh no... it's got to be at the fucking stadium, for some unholy reason.

Judging by Neil's quick headcount, the Ravens hadn't brought dates. They hadn't brought any color along, either. All twenty-two of them were dressed head-to-toe in black. The twenty men wore the same shirts and slacks, and the two women wore identical dresses. They even sat the exact same way, all with their right elbows on the table, all of them with their chins in their hands. Another team might look foolish going so far, but somehow the Ravens looked imposing.

I joke about the fox characters outside of Neil, Kevin, and Andrew being cardboard cut-outs... but this ain't got nothing on those cardboard cutouts.

"I know who you are," Riko said. "Who here doesn't? You're the woman who captains a Class I team. You've done admittedly well despite your disadvantages."

CASUAL SEXISM.

The man to Riko's right stood up as soon as the Foxes were settled and walked behind the Ravens until he was across from Neil. Two fingers to the woman's shoulder got her out of her chair and she moved to the newly-emptied seat. The stranger sat across from Neil. As he did the Ravens fell out of their frozen poses, but they did so only to lean back as one in their chairs.

Did they practice this ahead of time?

The black three tattooed on his left cheekbone meant he could be no one but Jean Moreau.

Imagine getting a tattoo of a college sports number. Of which you would only get to play for a few years before being forced out.

It took him only a few seconds to realize the Ravens were coming. The entire team was crossing the court toward Kevin, walking in V formation like a flock of birds going south.

I can't with her descriptions of the Ravens. Like one team's colors are orange and white, and the other is black and red. ONE OF THEM IS GUD AND THE OTHER IS EBUL. THE RAVENS ARE EBUL, AND THEY'RE ALL HENCHMEN ROBOTS.

"We're sure it is," the Raven striker said, "seeing how you're dating a prostitute."

"Stripper," Dan corrected...

[…]

Neil tried not to stare at her. He would have dismissed the Raven's insult as an outright lie if not for Dan's easy response. Too late he remembered her telling him she'd worked an overnight job during high school to make ends meet.

THE AUTHOR DOES REALIZE THAT YOU HAVE TO BE 18 TO WORK JOBS LIKE THAT... RIGHT?! Like please tell me that the author didn't write about a 15 year old getting a job as a stripper.

This series is bad enough without needing to drag child strippers into the mix.

The others fell asleep within a few miles, but Neil spent the entire ride thinking about Riko and his father.

Chapter 6 summary: So it's time for the banquet. They do a random lottery draw where they decide which school will host the banquet this year. The school picked is only about four hours away. The banquet itself lasts for two days, in order to justify some of the travel time for those further away. However, the foxes are of the opinion “fuck that; we're not staying the entire two days”.

As they get closer to the school, Kevin starts to have a panic attack. As the others leave the bus, David gives Kevin some alcohol, and tells him to chug it. Which... yeah, that sounds fucking healthy. They have to change out in the locker room, which is fucking weird if you ask me. And then they go into the stadium, which has been turned into a banquet hall. The sight makes Neil angry, and mood. Rent a fucking banquet hall for this, assholes.

They're upset to see that the foxes are randomly supposed to be sitting across from the ravens. And the ravens are all dressed like evil henchmen, and are even randomly acting in unison. Talk about zero personality. David warned the others not to pick a fight, but obviously wasn't counting on Riko bringing his planet-sized ego with him. A rando Raven player named Jean-- who is the embodiment of every French stereotype you can think of-- starts to antagonize Neil, and calls him by a bunch of Neil's former names. He then moves on and starts insulting everybody else.

Their little pissing match goes on for a long while. But hey, it's not like anything else is going on, so this might as well happen, I guess. Finally, Riko antagonizes Neil into speaking, and Neil calls Riko out on his shit, saying that he's a whiny, entitled little brat who doesn't have anything going for him. Then, Jean and Riko start to act like they “own” Neil, which has fucking creepy slavery undertones to what they're saying.

David finally shows up to say that they're trying to move the foxes to another table. As they get up to leave, Jean can't help but name-drop Neil's father. The others rally around Kevin and Neil once they're away. Kevin is sent back to the bus to drink some more liquor, and Neil thinks about following. Not only that, but just fucking leaving. But he doesn't, because then this series would be put out of its misery.

After dinner, then they put all of the tables away and everybody starts socializing and networking. The ravens come over, act like they've never met the foxes before, but then continue to insult them. I'm really fucking over this. Riko's uncle and the raven coach comes over. The two teams awkwardly stare at one another, and the only thing this scene needs is some dramatic finger snapping. Tetsuji says that he ran fingerprint test off of a glass Neil drank out of back during that dumb morning talk show, and knows who he is. He yells at Neil about crimes that Neil's dad committed against The Family©, as if Neil himself personally did all of that. However, Neil stands his ground and refuses to be bullied by these assholes.

Matt finally drags Neil away, and threatens to tell the exy board about Riko's shit behavior and have him benched for the rest of the season. They all go back to the bus finally, and start to head home.

[mhaclownery]

ℑ 𝔧𝔲𝔰𝔱 𝔠𝔞𝔫’𝔱

warnings: sensory issues, panic attacks, eating disorders

characters: Kaminari denki, Midoriya Izuku, Kirishima Eijirou, and Katsuki Bakugou

summary: denki isn’t having a good day. Things go south rather quickly. Luckily for Denki. Kirishima and Midoriya are there to help.

𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖉 𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖙: 1.1K Words

Denki was tired. He woke up tired, he went to bed tired. He was just tired. Not physically tired, though. Just tired. It was about noon when he woke up. Lucky for him it was a Saturday. Otherwise he would’ve been getting chewed out by Aizawa by now. He was sure Midoryia was training right now. He always woke up at 8 on Saturdays to track before relaxing a bit. Denki sighed as he rolled out of bed and trudged to the common room. Not even bothering to do his hair.

When he got to the common room, he saw Bakugou and Kirishima lounging on the couch. “Hey, Kamibro!” Denki merely waves as he passed by. He was going to make some popcorn. It wasn’t healthy by any means necessary but it was one of his safe foods. It was a safe option. Just popcorn. Nothing intricate, no sauces, no list of ingredients, nothing extra.

When he got over to the kitchenette he was ready to get his popcorn and leave. However, what he saw was weird. His yellow bowl wasn’t there. He had two and he knew that his second bowl was in the dishwasher. He put it there yesterday after his bowl of pasta and sauce. So, he should have his other one sitting in the cabinet, right? He turns slightly to see Bakugou sitting at the table with his bowl in front of him. He didn’t know why he was so touchy about his stuff, but he couldn’t stand someone using his stuff. He had a set of 2 yellow bowls, 2 yellow plates, and two yellow cups. He had a pair of training chopsticks too, he knows how to use regular chopsticks, but he prefers the comforting color and feel of the trainers.

When he walked over to the table he was already shaking slightly. “H-hey Bakugou, you’re using my bowl. Can I have it back? You seem to be done.” In the bowl was a mess of something that denki couldn’t comprehend. It made him feel sick to look at. Something so disgusting looking, in his special bowl. It just triggered him. Bakugou scoffs. “It’s a bowl. What does it matter?” Just a bowl? It’s his special bowl. There’s literally like 15 other bowls in the cabinet! For everyone’s use too! Why couldn’t he just respect his stuff?! Kirishima attempted to intervene, as he must’ve realized denki’s slight panicked breathing. “Bakugou, just give him his bowl. It’s his anyway.” Since there were childhood friends, Eijirou knew about Denki’s preferences.

Apparently, that pissed Bakugou off. He aggressively slides the bowl across the table and some of the slop in the bowl gets on his hand. It felt horrible. The texture was chunky and it made him feel icky everywhere. “Ew! Gross! Gross!Gross! Get it off me!” Denki starts to aggressively wipe his hand on his sweater. “It feels so gross! I cant. I just can’t.” He curled into a ball on the floor. Sobs were wracking through his body and struggled to breath. Kirishima gets up from his chair and rushes over to denki. “Hey, buddy, it’s ok, it’s ok. Breath with me. In for four, out for four.” Bakugou is awkwardly panicking behind them from the table. “Holy shit, why’s he freaking out? What the fuck did I do? Is the bowl that seri-“ Kirishima turns around and gets up in Bakugou’s face. “Shut the fuck up.” Bakugou got quiet quickly. He’d never seen Kirishima like this. He was really protective of Denki due to bullying in past years. “Go get Midoriya. Now.” Bakugou grumbles and quickly walks out of the common room.

Then, Midoriya enter the room, looking worried. “Denki! How are you feeling, baby? Am I ok to hug you?” Denki nods, not trusting his voice at the moment. He’s gets embraced into a nice hug. Midoriya’s familiar scent washes over him. He uses vanilla body wash and shampoo and Denki loves it. You can play with my hair if you want, denks.” Denki’s hands guide themselves to Midoriya’s hair, and he sighs contently. “Alright! I’ve washed your bowl for you, Kami. It’s squeaky clean, I swear.” Kirishima chuckles softly. “Well, assuming that you don’t need me anymore, I am going off to have a talk with Bakugou.” He waves before leaving the common room.

After about 10 minutes, Izuku speaks. “Have you eaten year, baby?” That brought Denki’s attention to his grumbling stomach. “No, not yet. I was going to before, y’know.” Midoriya pulls away from their cuddle. “How about we get you something to eat?” Denki smiles, he walked over to the cabinet with Midoriya. “What are you in the mood for? You’ve got pasta, cereal, popcorn-“ Denki had already been in the mood for popcorn when he’d came in originally. “The popcorn sounds good.” He quickly responds with a smile. Izuku smiles. “You’re so cute, denks.” Denki feels himself blush. He loves it when his boyfriend calls him cute. It makes him feel a rush of happiness.

After Izuku pops the package into the microwave, he goes to hug denki from behind. “Do you wanna tell me what happened? If you’re not ready that’s fine.” He reassured. Denki took a deep breath. “I’m ready. Well, the kinda started off wack, I lost my headphones, so I couldn’t listen to any music.” One thing that everyone knew about Denki was that he was very music oriented. Music could change his whole mood. Usually, for the better. He needed music to sleep, he needed music to stay grounded, he needed music to get through the day. “And then, when I came into the common room, I saw Bakugou using my bowl. When I asked for it back, he was being a major asshole about it.” Midoriya groans. “That’s Kaachan for you.” He would have to give Katsuki and earful after this. “And then some gross stuff got on my hand and it made me feel gross. It messed with my sensory issues.” Midoriya higs him tighter. “‘M sorry, denks

Denki was so lucky to have Izuku as his boyfriend. He was so caring and understanding with Denki. Hell, with everyone. When his ADHD would especially be bad on some days, Izuku would just calmly remind him of his current task or topic. He would give him soft reminders to eat, but not push him. He was just all around amazing. “I don’t deserve you. You’re way too nice to me. I might have to make up for it.” Denki winks and laughs softly to try to make up for the kinda sad thing he said. “Oh, denks. Don’t say that. You’re literally amazing. If anything I’d say were perfect for each other!” Denki smiles. “I love you, ‘Zuku.” “I love you too, Denks.”

[chickensarentcheap]

Best Part of Me -Chapter 42

Warnings: profanity

Tagging: @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @c-a-v-a-l-r-y​, @alievans007​, @ocfairygodmother​

She’s been asleep since they got home; curled up on the couch in a fetal position in one of his sweaters with the hood pulled over her head, the comforter from their bed pulled up past her ears. Not even stirring no matter how long and loud the baby cried (despite his best efforts to stop it) or how many times Declan would climb on top of her and play with her hair or try to cuddle with her or attempt to pry her eyes open. He tries not to let concern eat at him. Attempts to convince himself that it’s just stress and worry; a tough and shitty situation making her depression even worse. She says she’s okay with it; him getting back into the job and starting up his own merc business. She’d rather put up with the frequent absences,  the cuts, bruises, stitches and the odd broken bone than have him lose his sanity or sobriety. If the pace and the intensity of the job makes it easier for him to cope with the slower and quieter times while at home, it’s a lifestyle she’s willing to subject herself to yet again.

He wants to believe that things will be better this time. That once the craziness of the Mahajan situation is dealt with and he can focus on running the business, things will settle down. He won’t have to leave home as much as he used to and can concentrate on delegating the work to others instead of getting his own hands dirty and endangering his own life. But he knows it won’t be THAT simple. It’ll take time to get things off the ground and running smoothly, and he’ll have to trust guys enough to handle jobs on their own and do them right. There will be more blood on his hands. More kills on his record and on his conscience before that happens.

There’s another part of him… a darker and even more worried part...that fears there is something more serious going on inside of her. Easily remembering the early days of Austin’s cancer; before a diagnosis had even been made. Crushing fatigue, constant head and body aches, severe mood swings. And he tries to stop his mind from going there; not allowing his brain to dwell on worst case scenarios when it’s most likely nothing THAT bad. That it’s most likely just mental health issues and the stress of the situation hanging over their heads. It’s hard to function normally when you know there’s a price on your head and a target on your back.  But it’s also hard to abandon those fatalistic thoughts entirely. That something is seriously wrong and she’ll only get worse and suffer and all he’ll be able to do is sit back and watch it all happen.  It’s his own personal hell; knowing that he’d never survive (mentally at least) if he lost her; regardless of how it happens. That he’d go back to the booze and the meds and be even worse than he was before. And in the end he’d lose his kids. His last remaining tie to her.

She wakes momentarily when he sits down next to her. Looking dazed and disoriented -almost confused- but saying nothing as she slides closer to him; placing her head in his lap with her face pressed into his stomach. Easily falling back asleep when he strokes her hair and lays a palm on the top of her head and repeatedly brushes his thumb across his brow. It reminds him of the the early days of her pregnancy with Declan. He’d been the third but the worst of them all; constant all day sickness, migraines, and crippling fatigue that made it impossible to get out of bed some days.  She’d sleep wherever and whenever she could and he’d try to provide some sort of comfort. Secretly enjoying how vulnerable and needy she was; the way she was almost completely dependent on him instead of being so goddamn stubborn and furiously self reliant. He’d found he liked taking care of her; it selfishly made him feel useful and needed outside of just kicking in the sperm that helped make all the babies.

Of course it can’t be THAT.  It’s far too soon after Addie’s arrival. And even if it wasn’t, his own doctor had said the procedure had been successful and that there’d be more babies unless he chose to reverse things. And so far they haven’t made a firm decision on whether there will be a sixth.

With both Addie and Declan napping, the house is quiet; nothing but Mac’s soft snoring as he sleeps on the threshold between the kitchen and living area, and the sound of the waves as they roll up onto the shore. With an hour and a   half before the return of the three oldest, he takes advantage of the down time; relaxed by the warmth that radiates off of Esme’s body and the soft tickle of her breath against his stomach. He’s on the brink of sleep -that moment when your limbs feel weightless and all your senses seem muted- when he’s jarred awake by the sound of tapping against the glass of the patio door.  And his eyes immediately snap open; a frown already on his face when he glances over.

Kyle’s hand is paused in mid air; just getting ready to rap his knuckles against the window again. And he gives a slightly sheepish and apologetic smile and then gestures for his brother in law to join him outside.

Sighing heavily, he groans as he stands; mentally cursing the stiffness in his back and knee and the pain that comes with just trying to get off the couch.

“Tyler?” Her voice is groggy. Confused. And there’s even a hint of fear in it that he tries to ignore.

“It’s okay.” he assures her,  and her eyes never open as he cradles her face in one hand and grabs a throw pillow with the other; placing it where his lap had been and then gently lowering her head onto it. “Just go back to sleep.”

“Where are you going? Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine. I’m just going outside for a few minutes. I’ll be right back,”

 He runs a hand over her hair; presses a kiss to her temple and then tucks the comforter securely around her.  Looking over his shoulder as he heads for the patio door, watching as she attempts to burrow as deep into the couch as she can and pulls the hood of the sweater completely over her eyes.

“What do you want?” Tyler asks, as he steps outside, shutting both the screen and the glass door behind him.

“What’s going on? Things okay?” Kyle nods towards his sister’s sleeping form. “She alright?”

“What are you doing here? Thought you were too busy dicking down the neighbour to bother with us?”

“What’s wrong with her?” Kyle ignores the cheap shot.  “She doesn’t look so good. Another one of those panic attacks or whatever?”

“She’s just tired. What do you want?”

“She told me. About everything. Salena...Allison.  She told me about who she is and why she’s really here and what’s going on. About Ovi’s dad and all the threats and…”

“And you’re still banging her? You don’t find it a little weird she’s been lying to you this whole time?”

“My sister was lying to me and our entire family for years before we found out who you really are and what you really did for a living.”

“That’s hardly the same thing. You’re okay with all of this? You’re still going to fuck her or whatever the hell you’ve got going on over there?”

“We’re going to work through it. It doesn’t have to be a deal breaker.”

Tyler smirks. “The head must be epic to put up with that kind of shit.”

“Is it true that you’re starting up your own business? That you’re looking for people? Mercenaries?”

“Maybe. Why?”

“I want in. People are threatening my family. My kid sister. My nieces and nephews. I don’t want to just sit back and watch this shit go down. I want whoever is doing this to pay. I want to make them suffer and humiliate them and torture them and…”

“This isn’t your standard schoolyard bully,” Tyler interjects. “This isn’t about calling some guy out to right and meeting him in the parking lot. This is serious. Hard core shit. And these are dangerous people. Dangerous and powerful.”

“You think I can’t handle it?”

“I think you need to just stay  out of it and let the people who’ve dealt with this kind of thing before handle it. There’s no need for you to get caught up in this.”

“My family is the one that’s being threatened. That’s in danger. I'm just just sitting back and letting someone hurt them. I don’t care how powerful and dangerous they are.”

“The best thing you could do is go home. Go back to Colorado. Get away from all of this. Back to your normal life and your normal job. You do not want to get involved in this. In the job. In this life.”

“But it’s okay for my sister to be involved in it?” Kyle argues.

“Okay, first off, keep your fucking voice down. She doesn’t need to wake up and hear this. She’s got enough going on and she doesn’t need to hear this. So either tone it down or fuck off. Those are the only two options.”

“You dragged her into this!” Kyle’s voice is a harsh whisper. “You could have walked away seven years ago. You could have thought about her for once instead of only thinking about yourself. It was fucking selfish; letting her get involved in this. Involved with you.”

“We are not having this conversation. I didn’t force your sister to stay here after Dhaka. I didn’t hold a gun to her head. I didn’t guilt her into stating. She chose to stick around. All on her own.”

“You could have stopped being a selfish price and told her to go. That you didn’t want to be with her. That there was nothing between the two of you worth holding onto.  You could have said something...anything...to convince her to leave. All you cared about was what was best for you. What you wanted. You didn’t give a shit about her; what kind of life she’d have with you.”

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. You don’t know anything about what down between your sister and I. She chose this life. And she’s had plenty of chances to leave.  Every time I fucked up, she took me back. She could have walked away and she didn’t. So you need to back the fuck off. I’m not telling you more than once.”

“You really think she would have walked? When there’s kids involved?”

“You think that’s why she sticks around? For the kids? If things got real bad, she’d leave. And she’d take them with her and she’d raise them on her own and she’d do a damn fucking good job doing it. Stop treating her like a child. Stop looking at her like she’s weak and pathetic. Because she’s anything but.”

“She’s my sister!”

“She’s my wife!” Tyler snarls.  “I don’t give a shit that she’s your sister. You know nothing about who she really is.”

“You did this. This craziness. You got her and the kids mixed up in this life. Now there’s people out there threatening them. Who want to hurt them. Who want to KILL them. All because of who you and what you do. And you think that’s okay?”

“I think it’s fucked up. You think I want this? You think I want targets on their backs? This is the last thing I wanted. But I’m taking care of it and I don’t need your help. Go home, Kyle. Go back to Colorado and your normal life. Be thankful you’ve got that life. Just go home. That’s the best thing you could do for all of us.”

He shakes his head. “I’m not going back there.”

“Well you’re not staying here. So unless you’re going to play house with the neighbour…”

“I want in. On your business.”

“That’s not going to happen.”

“You don’t think I can handle it? Being a mercenary?”

“I think you need to go home and go back to being a firefighter and forget all about what I’m doing down here. I’ve got people. I don’t need you. And even if I did. I’d say the same thing.  I’m not bringing you into this. If something happened to you, Esme would never forgive me. So go home and go on with your life.”

“I’m staying here,” Kyle remains adamant. “In Australia. Whether you like it or not. And I’m going to get involved in all of this. I’m going to help find the people that are threatening my sister and my nieces and nephews. And you know what? You can’t fucking stop me?”

“You want to watch me?” Tyler challenges. “Because I CAN stop you. And I will. I am asking you...no…I’m telling you...to stay out of this. You have no idea what you’d be getting yourself into it. And I bet your girlfriend or booty call or whatever the hell she is, would tell you the same thing. I’m trying to fucking protect you! I don’t want you involved in this. Not because I don’t think you can handle it, because I don’t want you getting into this kind of life. So stay out of it and let the people who know what they’re doing handle things.”

“Like you handled things in Dhaka?”

Tyler’s eyes narrow; fists twitching and clenching as he inhales deeply and exhales slowly. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Things didn’t go so well, did they. Even with all your experience.”

“Dhaka went to shit because I got royally fucked by Ovi’s old man. Because instead of paying me, he sent someone to kill me and get the kid back. I did everything right. Everything went according to plan and…”

“Was fucking my sister part of the plan?”

“We’re not talking about this. What went down between me and Esme is none of your business. Maybe you think you’re an expert on it or that you know everything there is to know because your fuck buddy let you read a file on it. But you know shit. You weren’t there.”

“I know you trusted some douche bag friend of yours and he was going to hand my sister over to a drug dealer. For money.”

“And that douche bag paid the price. And he was never going to hand her over.  I wasn’t going to let that happen. Keep your mouth shut about Dhaka. You weren’t there. I was. Your sister was.”

“She shouldn’t have been.”

“Take that up with Nik. That has nothing to do with me. Things went to shit there. Big time. But I did everything I had to get your sister out of there. I would give my life up for her. I nearly did. So don’t stand here and tell me Dhaka was my fault when I did everything I could go straighten that goddamn mess out.”

“And even after that you still wouldn’t send her away. Even after everything she saw and everything she had to do, you were still a selfish fuck and kept her around. It was never about what was best for her. It’s always been about what’s best for you.”

“You know what, just shut the fuck up. I’ve heard enough. You come here to my house and you get up on that fucking pedestal of yours and you spout all your self righteous bullshit and you think I’m just going to stand around and take. Fuck you, Kyle. You were going to marry a woman that tried to ruin your sister’s life and you think you’re somehow morally superior? That was a bitch move and you let Esme know loud and clear that everything Nik put her through meant shit. And you have the nerve to call me selfish? You stabbed your own sister in the back for a piece of ass.”

“That’s not how it went down. That’s not…”

“You got mixed  up with a woman that tried to tear your sister’s life apart. And that broke her heart. It hurt her. My wife. You did that. Not me. I’m just the one that was here to fix your shit and make her happy and help her get over it.”

“When is it going to be enough?” Kyle asks. “When will she have given you enough of herself? When she’s hurt? When she’s dead? Will that be enough for you, Tyler? When she dies because of who you are and what you do?”

“Go home, Kyle. Get the next flight out of here and just go home. You don’t need to be here. I’ve got bigger and better than you working on this. Go home and rescue a cat out of a fucking tree or something.”

Kyle snorts. “You’re a real fucking prick, you know that?”

“Maybe I am, But everything I do, every decision I make, is always what’s best for your sister and my kid. That’s all that matters to me. And I would die for them. In a heartbeat. So don’t you ever accuse me or not putting what’s best for them first.”

“I’ll hunt you down you know,” Kyle threatens, as Tyler heads for the door. “If something happens to her or those kids, I’ll hunt you down and kill you.”

“It’ll be too late,” Tyler says. “‘Cause if anything happens to them, I’ll put a gun in my mouth. And then I’ll pull the trigger.”

****

“Why isn’t mommy coming with us?” Millie asks from her seat in the back of the SUV.

He’d been waiting for them when the school bus arrived; buckling them in as opposed to ushering them into the house; giving their mother a chance to sleep off whatever has her down and out. She’d stayed awake for all of half an hour after Kyle had left; long enough to have a tea and something small to eat before going back to sleep, this time upstairs in their bed.

“Is she sick?” Tanner inquires; and through the rear view mirror Tyler can the concern and panic written all over the five year old’s face. Their bond has become tighter since his return from New Zealand, but no one compares to mommy in Tanner’s eyes. She’s the centre of the universe as far as he’s concerned.  Looking at her with a love and adoration that can’t be matched by anyone.

“She’s just tired,” Tyler assures him. “She needs some sleep. Her body’s still getting back to normal after having Addie. So we’re going to let her rest. In a nice, quiet house without you guys bothering her.”

“Maybe she just needs cuddles,” TJ suggests. “Cuddles with mommy always make me feel better.”

“Well maybe when we get back, you can cuddle with her. But right now, we’re going to let her sleep.”

The worry lingers. The nagging voice in his ear that says this isn’t just stress and the lingering effects of postpartum depression. She’s battled that particular demon after every baby she’s brought into the world. Successfully. But  it has never been THIS intense and all consuming.   And he’s thankful that the kids seem satisfied with his half assed explanation; relieved he won’t be hounded with all kinds of questions he won’t have answers for.

“You okay?” Ovi asks from the passenger seat. He’d offered to tag along on their excursion; a hastily planned road trip along a small section of the coast, time at whatever beach caught their eye, dinner in whatever small town they finished up in.  

Tyler had been hesitant at first; not liking the idea of leaving her alone for that amount of time. And when he’d called up Allison and asked if she’d come over and ‘keep an eye on things’, she’d been more than willing to help out. It made him feel better. Somewhat, His trust level is still low; it’s hard to get over that kind of betrayal whether it was done in your best interest or not.  But she’s experienced; her business world renowned and her reputation solid.

“Just a little on edge.”

“About what’s going on with my father? Mumbai?”

“Can we not talk about that? Little ears. We’re trying not to talk about it around them. Keep things as normal as possible. Whatever the hell normal is.”

Ovi nods in understanding. “Is Saju’s brother still coming?”

“What did I just say? About not talking about this?”

“They’re not even listening. They’ve all got their headphones and they’re planning on their tablets. Besides, I didn’t say anything about my father or Mumbai.”

“Tomorrow. He gets here tomorrow. Flight arrives at ten in the morning.”

“And he’s coming to the house?”

Tyler nods.

“I want to be there. I want to meet him. I never got the chance to meet any of Saju’s family. I’d only seen Neysa and Aarav in pictures. He was very private like that. Saju. He always kept this business life and his private life separate.”

“Smart man.”

“Your business life because your personal life,”

“Yeah, it did. And I don’t regret it. No matter who thinks I should.”

Ovi arches a quizzical brow.

“Just Kyle. He came over and brought up some shit that didn’t need to be brought up. Esme’s entire family has it in their heads that I somehow forced her to stay here after Dhaka. That I should have just told her to fuck off and sent her away. Instead I held a gun to her head or brainwashed her into sticking around. And then there’s Nik,” he sighs. “She’s always had an issue with it. Esme and I being together. Especially how things started.”

“Because you guys were...you know...when you were supposed to be working?”

“Pretty much.” He removes the sunglasses that hang off the neck of his t-shirt and slip them onto his face. “I’m the first to admit that it was totally the wrong place and the wrong time. It shouldn’t have happened. One of us should have been strong enough to put a stop to things. But it DID happen. And it kept happening.  Seven years later and she’s still pissed about it.”

“But there’s more to it than that,”, Ovi says. “I mean, I guess she was pretty hurt about the fact you didn’t want to be with her that way.”

“Nik and I both went into things knowing where each of us stood. I didn’t want what she wanted. And she was okay with that. Until she wasn’t.”

“Until someone else came along you did want that with.”

“She just went psycho. Once I got back into the job the first time, she wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone. Texting me all the time, calling me, emailing me. Showing up whatever hotel I was staying at. IT was fucked. It was like no matter how many times I said no, she took it as meaning she just needed to try harder. Six years of that shit I put up with. WE put up with. Every chance to fuck things up for us, she took it.”

Ovi smirks. “Pretty determined.”

“Or crazy. I don’t know which.”

“Maybe she was just really lonely,” Ovi says. “It’s not like she’d ever admit that. That’s not Nik. Maybe she was tired of being alone so she tried to hold onto someone familiar.”

“You don’t hold on to a married man. Especially one with kids. Find someone available. That wants you that way. Don’t try and break up someone’s home. That's pretty low.”

Ovi nods in agreement. “Can I ask you something?”

“This isn’t a repeat of seven years ago, is it? You’re not going to ask me some bullshit about being brave and rescuing people are you?”

“You ARE brave. Whether you want to admit it or not.”

Tyler scoffs. “What do you want to know?”

“I don’t want you to get upset.”

“Why would I get upset? How bad is whatever you’re going to ask?”

“It’s...personal.”

“How personal?”

“Personal enough you might get upset.”

“You know what…” Tyler chuckles. “...just ask. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“You could punch me in the face.”

“If I promise not to, will you ask?”

Ovi nods.

“I promise I won’t punch you in the face. What is it?”

“Is it true that you and Nik had a thing?”

“I just told you we did. “It was strictly sex. That’s it. When I had an itch, she’d come over and scratch it.”

“I mean AFTER you and Esme got together. After you got married.”

Tyler scowls. “What?”

“It’s what I was told.”

“That I had a thing with Nik after I got married? Who the hell told you that?”

“Chloe. Nik told her that you and her were hooking up. On the regular. After you went back to the job the first time. That she’d meet up with you in whatever city you were in.”

“That never fucking happened. Ever.”

“And that things were especially...intense...during the six month you and Esme were apart. That you even told Nik you’d get a divorce and be with her.”

“Are you serious right now?” He can’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all. “She said all that?”

“And that things only stopped when Esme was having problems when she was pregnant with Addie. That you ended things because you didn’t want anything happening to the baby and you felt obligated to stay in your marriage. For your kids.”

“Nik actually said that? That I was cheating on my wife with her?”

Ovi nods.”I told Chloe that it wasn’t true. That you’d never do something like that. That I’d been living with you guys for a long time and I would have noticed something was up. You guys have never had THOSE kind of problem.s I mean, you always fought a lot, but I never got the impression you were messing around,”

“Because I wasn’t. Not with Nik. Not with anyone. I would never...ever...do anything like that. Why would I want to? Why would I want to mess around on the best thing that’s ever happened to me? Someone who saved my fucking life. Why the hell would I do something like that?”

 It makes him feel sick to even think about it; that someone would even accuse him of that, never mind think he’s the kind of guy that would do it.  And it makes that rage to start to simmer; that low, slow boil that just takes one wrong move to send it spiralling out of control.

“I didn’t say I believed it,” Ovi says. “I just…”

“I’m a lot of things, but I’m not a cheater. I may not always be the best man for her, but I’m a faithful one. And the fact Nil would say something like that….”

“I knew it wasn’t true,” Ovi insists. “”I knew you’d never do something like that.”

“You must have thought I would or you wouldn’t have asked ‘is it true…?.  No. It’s not fucking true.”

“Daddy!” Millie scolds from the last row of seats. “Language, remember? Little ears in the car.”

He scowls at her through the rear view mirror. “I thought you had your headphones on?”

“My ears got sweaty so I took them off.”

“Well do me a favour and put them back on, because there’s going to be a whole lot of adult language I don’t want you to hear.”

“I already know you swear, daddy.  You’re the one who taught me all the best swears!”

“Amelia..”

“But my ears are still sweaty!”

“You’ll live.”

“Fine,” she dramatically huffs, and slips the headphone back on; arms crossed over her chest, and a scowl on her face. The exact same expression he’s seen in the mirror many times.

“You actually believed something like that?” He addresses Ovi. “What Nik said?”

“I didn’t say that. I…”

“Your exact words were ‘is it true’. Meaning you thought it was. You actually thought I would do something like that?”

“Well you guys fought a lot and…”

“And because we fought at lot that automatically meant I was fucking around on my wife?”

“Not necessarily. But…”

“There’s no but. Not a single fucking but.. I have never cheated on my wife. Not with Nik. Not with anyone. Yeah, we used to fight. A lot. And they were nasty, ugly fights and we said a lot of mean and hurtful shit to each other.  Sometimes we still fight; not nearly as bad but it still happens. But we always work on shit and. We even go to a goddamn therapist.”

“This is what I mean about you getting upset.”

“Do you blame me? You just admitted that you think I’m the type that would screw around on my wife.”

“I didn’t mean it that way. …”

“I have never and I will never, do that. You can call me an alcoholic, you can call me a drug addict. I don’t give a shit. But don’t ever call me a cheater. I haven’t fucked around on her and I don’t WANT to fuck around on her. She's the love of my life. The ONLY love of my life, actually. And I’d die for her. I almost did. And I barely knew her then. Don’t ever question my loyalty to her. Or I’ll beat your ass into the middle of next week,

“I honestly never thought you did,” Ovi insists. “The way I said it? That’s  not how  I meant it. I swear.”

“You’ve been saying and doing a lot of dumb shit lately.”

Ovi sighs. “I know.”

“What the fuck, mate? What’s going on with you? You don't tell me about your old man contacting you, you don’t tell me about wanting to get into the job until it wasn’t almost too late, now you’re bringing up this shit with Nik. What the hell?”

“It won’t make any sense. No matter how I try to explain it to you.”

“Look I know I’m not the smartest guy on earth, but I’m not THAT stupid.”

“It doesn’t even make sense to me! How is it going to make sense to you?”

“Try me. I might surprise you. I’m brain damaged. Not brain dead. I do have my intelligent moments.”

Ovi sighs. “I feel I’m just here. That I’m just existing, This isn’t where I thought I’d be with my life. I thought I’d be in school. Getting an education. Doing something with my life. And I feel like I’m just stuck.  Like I’m just HERE. But nowhere at the same time.”

Tyler nods slowly, letting the words...and the meaning behind them...sink in. “Well where do you want to be?” he asks.

“Here. With all of you. It’s the only place I want to be. With my family.”

“But…”

“But I want to be a different me. Which is why I want to get into the job. I want to prove to myself that I can do it.  That I can be strong and brave and…”

“Kid, you ARE strong and brave. You don’t need the job to make you that way. You think just anyone could have survived what you went through? Not just Dhaka but everything afterwards? You were a kid. A kid who had to do and see shit no kid should ever have to.   And you still turned out good. Damn good.”

“Because of you. And Esme. If you guys hadn’t gotten me out of Mumbai, where would I be now? I’d be running things for my father. Or I’d be dead. And I owe you guys for that. I owe you so much.”

“You don’t owe us anything. We took you because we wanted to. Not because we felt we had to. We wanted you to have a normal life. A family. We tried to give you that. I don’t know how well we did with it, but…”

“You’re not my father, but you are my dad. And Esme didn’t give birth to me, but she’s still my mom. And those are my brothers and sisters. We don’t have to be wrapped in the same color paper to be family.”

No…” Tyler says, a slow smile spreading across his face. “...we don’t.”

“I just want you to give me a chance. With the job. I’m trying to find myself. Find out what I’m to do and who I’m meant to be. How can I do that if you won’t let me?”

“I want more for you than that. You deserve more than that. You’re WORTH more than that.”

“And you’re  not? My life is of no more worth than yours is.”

“My life before all of this? Before Esme, before my kids, before Dhaka? It was shit. Pure and utter shit. But the last six and a half years of my life have been amazing. Even with the PTSD and all the crap that comes with it. I’ve got a great life. I’ve got a wife and I’ve got kids and if I go to Mumbai and I die there, at least I know I did something good with what was left of my life. But you’ve got a lot of years ahead of you. Why take the chance of cutting them short by getting into the job?”

“You said you’d take me on. You said you…”

“And I am. I am taking you on; giving you a chance. But I don’t think you really know what you’re getting into. What don’t you want more for yourself? Go back to school. Get your education. A real job. A career. Don’t settle for this shit. Because once you get into you, you can’t get back out. It stays with you, It lives in you. It never lets you rest. Trust me, I know. I can’t get out. No matter how fucking hard I try. Is that really what you want for your life?”

“I just want the chance. To find out if it’s for me.”

Tyler sighs. “You’re a stubborn little bastard, you know that?”

“Yeah?” Ovi grins. “I DO know that. I get it from my dad.”

***

She’s awake when he steps into their room; freshly showered with her damp hair wrapped up in a towel, clad in another one of his t-shirts and a pair of plaid pajama bottoms. She’s sitting up in bed; pillows stacked behind her and supporting her back; knees against her chest and both arms wrapped around them, attention focused on the television across the room. She looks better; the color has returned to her cheeks and her eyes don’t seem so dull and lifeless. And she glances over at him and smiles; genuine and warm, neither strained or forced.  It’s enough; that one smile  relieving a little bit of the worry he’d been carrying around since early in the afternoon.

“Hey.” she greets, and turns her face up towards him when he leans down to kiss her. “I thought maybe you’d run away.”

“Never,” Tyler says, and offers her a take out container of food he’d brought home with him. “Someone told me you never went downstairs the entire time I was gone, so I know you haven’t eaten anything since this afternoon.”

Esme frowns. “I can’t believe she ratted me.”

“Weren’t you just on my ass this afternoon about eating? Something about not being able to run on an empty tank?”

“Touche. And I can’t believe you actually trusted her enough to leave me alone with her. That’s not like you.”

“We’re both on the same team. I figure things will just be easier if I try to get along with other people.”

“Baby…” she reaches out and pats his stomach. “...I’m proud of you. That’s huge progress for you, You haven’t been drinking have you?”

“No smart ass. I haven’t. Just trying to make the best of a shitty situation.”

“It is pretty shitty.” she agrees, and then stretches her legs out and sets the container of food on her thighs, a wide grin spreading across her face and her eyes sparkling when she opens the lid. “...oh my God. You really DO love me. Tacos? You’re a good shit. You can stay. I’ll keep you.”

“I’ll have to let my other wives know I've decided to settle down here.”

“You mean your side hoes?” she teases. “ What is it up to now? Ten?”

“Even dozen.”

“No wonder you work out so hard in the gym. That’s a lot of bitches to satisfy.”

“I fake it with them. I only put actual effort into you.”

“I knew it. I AM your favourite.”

“Always have been. Always will be. Sorry. You’re stuck with me.”

“I think I can suffer through maybe forty, fifty years with you. It’s awful quiet. You already put the kids to bed?”

“All five of them. Ovi helped. He’s been kissing ass today.”

“He sort of needs to,” she says, and bites into one of the tacos. “He’s done a lot of stupid shit lately.”

“He’s going through some stuff,” Tyler says, his shoulder cracking and popping at the simple act of pulling off his t-shirt. Pain travelling all the way down to the tips of his fingers; the accompanying pins and needles making it difficult to tend to his belt and the button and zip on his jeans.

“What kind of stuff?”

He shrugs. “Guy stuff.”

“That can only mean one thing. It’s about a girl. More specifically, about Chloe.”

“He’s pretty torn up about her leaving. I think we might have underestimated how he felt about her.”

“He’s young,” Esme reasons. “There’s plenty of fish in the sea. He’ll meet someone else.”

“She fucked him over pretty good. Used him as a free ticket here, took what she could, screwed around on him.”

She looks up, pausing mid chew. “She what? He told you she was messing around?”

“He doesn’t have any proof. Just a feeling he has.”

“That bitch,” she scoffs. “I told you she was a knuckle dragging thunder cunt. He was definitely more into her than she was into him. I’m glad he didn’t cave and buy a ring and all of that. What disaster THAT would have been. Imagine if he’d gotten her pregnant?”

“I don’t even want to think about that. I do not want to be a grandpa any time soon. Let’s hope he holds for another...I don’t know...ten...fifteen years…”

“Millie could be having kids in fifteen years.”

“You wanna sleep on the couch? That’s the kind of talk that finds you sleeping on the couch.”

“Whether you like it or not, your daughter is going to get married one day. She’s going to have a family. She’s going to meet a really nice guy that reminds her of you and she’s going to fall madly in love with him and they’re going to get married and have babies and...”

“I brought you tacos and this is how you repay me? Talking like this? I do not want to hear this.”

“I’m just saying. In fifteen years, our daughter could be having her own kids. It’s not impractical to think that way, You’re just bent out of shape over the fact that you won’t be number one in her life anymore.”

“I’ll still have Addie.”

She shakes her head. “Nope. You promised me I could have Addie.”

“I lied.”

“Well fuck you too then, Tyler. You want me to play dirty.?”

He grins as he peels back the blankets and slides into bed next to her. “I love when you play dirty.”

“You want to steal both girls for yourself? I’ll take all three boys for MYSELF, You won’t have a single one left on your team when I’m done with them. They’re going to be all about mommy and you’ll be so pissed. I’ll even turn your name sake into the biggest momma’s boy EVER. Just you watch. I have powers that you don’t fully understand.”

“TJ will never crack,” he says, as he stretches out his legs and leans back against the headboard.  “You’re not THAT powerful.”

“I’ve kept you around and  in line and for seven years.”

“Because you use sexual favours to brainwash me into staying.”

“Yep. That’s definitely it. My head game is THAT strong.”

He chuckles. “Actually, it is. And what kind of dog shit is this?” he nods in the direction of the tv.

“Some reality show about marrying someone before you actually get to see what they look like.”

“That sounds...fucked.”

“Just a bit. But who knows? Maybe love truly IS blind. Maybe you can fall in love with someone sight unseen.”

“That sounds like a bunch of bullshit to me.”

“Such a romantic,” she chides, and then moves closer to him when he drapes an arm across her shoulders. “When you  said you were going out, I didn’t think you were leaving the country. You didn’t have to stay out THAT long?”

“You needed a break so I gave you a break. Kids were fine. I told them that you were tired and you weren’t feeling well and that they’d see you tomorrow. No big deal.”

“Kind of a shitty mother than needs THAT long of a break.”

“Every mother needs a break. We have five kids. All under six. You’re a fucking legend. Going this long WITHOUT a break?”

“Well I’m lucky that I picked the right guy to have babies with.  Because you’re not one to shy away from getting your hands dirty. And all five at once? And you say you’re not brave. That’s as brave as any man can get.”

He grins at that, then tugs the towel of her hair and runs his fingers through her damp tresses. “You okay? You feel better?”

She nods. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Being you. The way you are with me. The way you love me like you do. You’re one of the good days.”

“Sometimes,” he admits.

“All the time. Even on your worst days you’re not THAT bad. I’ve lived with bad. Very bad. You don’t even come close to that. I’m one of the lucky ones. Some women never get away from that. From that type. Makes me feel shitty that I’ve taken for granted when there’s guys like Mark..and worse...out there.”

“You know what? I think we’re both guilty of taking things for granted.  I know I am. I’m not always the best husband. I know I’ve put you through a lot of crap. That I’ve made shitty fucking decisions and broke every goddamn promise I’d ever made.”

“Tyler, you’re not perfect. Neither am I. But you’re perfect for me.  And that’s all that matters. I mean I was a whiny little bitch baby all day and you still brought me tacos. My one true comfort food. You don’t have to remember stupid little things like that, but you do. You’ve come a long way in seven years. I still remember you trying to choke me out in Dhaka.”

“I was NOT trying to choke you out.”

“You had your hand around my throat.”

“I was pissed off. I reacted. Badly.”

“I should have kneed you in the balls.”

.“You would have had to stand on a step stool.”

“You and your short jokes,” she dramatically huffs. “And okay, maybe you weren’t intentionally trying to choke me out. But your first instinct when you were raging was to grab me by the throat.  That was kind of…”

“Fucked?”

“No we did that AFTER you tried to choke me out.”

He smirks.

“It was weird. Because you’re so big and you’re so strong and I knew you could have easily snapped my neck if you’d wanted to. But I wasn’t even thinking about that. I wasn’t even scared.  You were mad but I could see it in your eyes; you didn’t WANT to hurt me.  You just snapped and reacted and…”

“It was an asshole thing to do. I never should have done it.”

“It did turn into the sexy kind of choking, though,” she reminds him.

“That’s not the point. The fact I even did that...grabbed you like that...it makes me sick when I think about it. I hate that I did that. Even seven years later, it still bothers me. I never meant to do it.”

“I know. You’ve apologized a million times. And that’s exactly what I was saying; you’ve come a long way since then. You’re calmer and you laugh more and you smile all the time.”

“I didn’t have much to smile about back then. Now I have six very good reasons to smile. I’ve got you, I’ve got my kids. Life’s pretty good.”

“Even when all this other stuff?”

“The other stuff will get worked out. I’ll get shit taken care of and it’ll all be over and we can get on with things.  We won’t have to worry about Mahajan ever again. Trust me.”

“For every Mahajan and Asif that dies, five more crop up.”

“And if I have to, I’ll take care of them too. Can we not talk about this? Because talking about this and dealing with this is what freaked you out today. And I’d rather you NOT freak out. Just let me handle it, okay?”

She nods.

“And you weren’t a little bitch baby. There’s a lot going on. And none of it is good. You’re stressed and you’ve got your own depression and PTSD and all that crap to deal with. And five kids to take care of. Including a pretty new one. I’m honestly surprised it took this long for you to have a mental breakdown.”

“Are you kidding?” she laughs. “I think I’ve had about five in the last week alone. All I can do is worry. About you. About Ovi. About you.”

“You said me twice.”

“Well I worry twice about you. Just the thought of you going to Mumbai and somehow ending up in Dhaka…”

“There is no logical reason for me to end up in Dhaka. None whatsoever. Just get that out of your head. Or at least try to. Can we talk about something else? I don’t want to talk about this.”

“What should we talk about?”

“I dunno. What do you want to talk about?”

“I don’t want to talk at all. I want to do other things.”

“What kind of other things?”

“Remember when I asked  ‘you know what would make me feel better?’ and your first reaction was…”

“Oh,” he grins. “THOSE kinds of things.”

“I figure I don’t know how long you’re going to be gone for, so we better get as much of ‘those kinds of things’ in before you leave.”

“What if we do as much as ‘those kinds of things’ as we can,  but I never end up going anywhere?”

“It’s a small price to pay. I’ll gladly suffer through multiple orgasms and you end up not going anywhere. I won’t complain about it. I promise.”

“I don’t ever want to hear you say I never do anything nice for you,” Tyler chides, as he tosses the covers back and then kneels at her feet. “One or two orgasms for a couple of tacos? That seems a little steep.”

“I’ll make it up to you,” she promises, giggling when he grabs her by the hips, pulls her down the bed, and she lands flats on her back. “In the best way I know how.”

His hands make short work of her pajama bottoms; quickly sliding them down her legs and dropping them at the end of bed. “You’re going to let me sleep in past the school bus tomorrow?”

“Okay, in the second best way I know how.”

“I guess that’ll have to do,” he grins, palms pushing her legs apart, mouth blazing a trail of warm, moist kisses along the insides of her thighs.

“You’ve never complained before,” she says. “In fact, you…” her voice trails off, replaced by a long, content sigh as his tongue pushes its way past her folds and makes its first sweep over her clit. Suddenly nothing else matters; just the feel of his mouth and the way his fingers move inside of her.

All thoughts of Mumbai and Dhaka are completely obliterated. At least temporarily.

[thirst-order-confessions-renewed]

The Two Tragic Times Fae Met Kylo Ren at Disneyland

Okay so I figured I had to tell these stories here because there are a lot of people who were like “YAY I MET KYLO” and I am just...flabbergasted because I was like “am I the only person in the world actually traumatized by Kylo Ren” The answer to that seems to be ‘yes absolutely’ and I will tell you why.

So, some background about me, I never really liked character meet and greets. I’m awkward, I never know what to say ESPECIALLY to characters who can actually speak to me. I cannot converse with people in real life, why the hell could I converse with people getting paid to LARP with me. I just...cannot do it. I will not. But Goofy? Sure, I’ll give that big dorky bastard a hug.

Fast forward to the first time I met Kylo Ren. @imagines-in-a-galaxy-farfar-away was visiting me and we went to Disneyland like the DAY AFTER The Last Jedi came out. She had a Polaroid camera and she wanted me to take a picture of her and Kylo with the camera and I was like “hhhhhhhh sure”. KNOWING I was gonna be incredibly nervous. So I sucked it up and we went in there and of COURSE Kylo was a massive bully. He got in my face, stared me down, VERY invasive shit which I DONT DISAGREE WITH. I was like “yeah, you know what? Kylo IS a massive dick so I’m okay.” THAT DIDNT STOP ME FROM FREAKING OUT THOUGH. I was literally shaking holding the camera. The cast members in the room were like “Would you like to be in the picture?” and I’m like “N-N-N-NO I-I’M G-F-GOOD IM J-JUST GONNA T-TAKE THIS -P-P-P-POLAROID” So I did, the picture is Hailee’s favorite and everything was fine. I needed to take 30 minutes to lower my heart rate, and I was okay.

BUT THE NEXT TIME.......you guys need to buckle up because this is where it gets UN. REAL.

Fast forward to 2019. Hailee is back in town with her whole family and she wants to meet Rey because she was new that year. And I was like “eeehhhhhh” and Hailee was like “dude, Rey’s a good guy she’s not gonna be a dick” and I’m like “EHHHHHHHH” so I was like “Fine, you know what? You’re right, Rey would NEVER be a dick to me.” (I was kinda wrong about that, but that’s not important lmfao. She was VERY Resistance and did NOT appreciate my Stormtrooper backpack.)

Then, as we were coming out of the Rey room, we were walking about the Landing Bay and she noticed that Kylo had no line. And it was at that moment, we realized the entire Landing Bay was practically deserted. Hailee, being the regular, fully functioning individual she is wanted to see Kylo and she’s like “I’m not gonna make you go in there, but I’ll be right back.” and I was like “great, cool, I’ll sit on this bench.”

Now, I need to set the scene. The Landing Bay, if you’ve ever been inside is a circular building where Innoventions used to be (for all you Disneyphiles). There’s a staircase that goes up to a second level that was, before it was Launch Bay, was a Marvel section that even featured Disney Infinity 3.0 (I worked on that game!) So at the ground floor level of this huge, solid wall stair case are benches that face into each unique area of the Launch Bay. The Dark Side meet and greets are directly adjacent to one of these benches about 30 yards away give or take . This bench looks directly towards the empty lines for Darth Vader and Kylo Ren. And if you’ve ever been inside those meet and greet rooms they are basically a set-dressed photo studio, but a VERY small space with a waiting area where the character comes to you and then brings you in to interact with you and in Kylo’s case, be an absolute dick to you beyond reason. More on that later.

So the Landing bay is currently empty. I will see two people in the next 5-7 minutes, none of which will witness what’s about to happen. 

I’m sitting by myself on this bench, and my legs are SHAKING. As an anxious person, I’m imagining all of the possible scenarios happening inside. The FIRST thing I thought of was “I bet you anything Hailee outed me as being a weenie about meet and greets” (which she HAD done with Rey. Hailee I love you and the embarrassment I bear from that will never leave me) So I immediately text the group chat of my coworkers about it and as I’m texting frantically, my phone starts ringing.

It’s Hailee.

In that moment, I was livid. I was like “really this bitch is going to call me when I KNOW she’s in there with that asshole Kylo, like some friend” and I ALMOST let it go to voicemail, but in a flurry of bravery, I answered the phone and was like “Hailee, knock it off, this is NOT funny. DONT.” and I hung up and then I got REALLY scared because I didn’t hear ANYTHING on the other line. 

And here’s where it gets ridiculous.

Remember, the Landing Bay is empty. At this point, I see the first set of people, a German family with two children happily skipping by me. As soon as they’re gone, the door to Kylo Ren’s meet and greet area opens. And I know this because there’s a light on the other side of it, I can see it as the door opens. Kylo appears in the doorway.

KYLO REN. APPEARS. IN. THE. DOOR. WAY.

I freeze. No movement in every possible inch of my body, I actually cannot move. I’m staring at him, he’s staring at me. The Landing Bay is empty. We stay like that for about ten seconds and he gestures for me to come.

By this point, I’m visibly shaking. I’m now holding my phone in a death grip and my palms are sweating so badly it’s gonna slip out of my hand like a fucking bar of soap. I shake my head. I cannot even speak, I just. NOPE. NOPE NOPE NOPE.

then he glares at me. STILL! THERE’S NO ONE AROUND. NO ONE IS WITNESSING THIS EXCEPT FOR ME AND MUTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE KYLO REN. So after he glares at me, He does that thing he always does in all the fanfiction where his cape goes woosh and he’s gone. 

So the door closes and then I immediately break down. Full blown panic attack, shaking, soundless crying, tears start POURING down my face. At this point, I see the second soul in the Landing Bay, a very adorably dressed girl with a parasol heading also to the Kylo Ren line, who is promptly taken into the waiting area by the cast member. She did not see this either.

Minutes later, Hailee appears from the exit side looking mildly concerned. She sees me crying and she’s like “oh my god what happened” and I  E X P L O D E into tears like ‘how could you DO THIS TO ME it WASNT FUNNY’. And she sat down next to me and says:

“You are not going to believe what I’m about to tell you.”

According to Hailee, without her Polaroid, she asked the Cast Member to use her phone to take her picture. It was at this point she mentioned, to not my surprise at ALL, that she DID have someone else here with her, but she was sitting outside (me) and that if I were there, I’d be the one to take then picture. 

So here’s where it gets weird because I only have half of this interaction: According to Hailee (who I love and trust with my whole life), Kylo demanded she contact me. Hailee politely declined, however he REMOVED her phone from her hand, DEMANDED she tell him which contact I was, dialed the number, PUT ME ON SPEAKERPHONE.

So. EVERYONE in that TINY ASS ROOM, Kylo’s handler, the photographer, Hailee, K Y L O FUCKING R E N. Heard me HOLDING BACK TEARS saying “KNOCK IT OFF THIS ISN”T FUNNY”

You know the rest, he storms out, stares me down,(threatens me, really), then disappears. He leaves a video message for me, which Hailee spared me from and then released her. 

It took me an HOUR AND FORTY-FIVE minutes to feel myself again after that. Hailee felt SO...BAD about it, it absolutely put a damper on our day.

And that is why if I ever see Kylo walking about Galaxy’s Edge, there will be a Fae-shaped hole in the nearest blast door and I will be G O N E. I am not expecting anyone to believe a goddamn word of this because it’s truly insane, but cross my fucking heart, swear to die this actually happened.

Anyway thanks for coming to my TedTALK

[dragon-writes-sometimes]

Once Upon A Time... Not, Chapter 4: #TwinSquad

Chapter Summary: Virgil is very surprised at how strangers are coming to his rescue from the school bully, Jake Simons. He makes some new friends like that, as well as getting very confused.

Trigger Warnings: Bullying, verbal fighting, pushing, threats, confusion, let me know if I missed anything!

Word Count: 3492

AO3

Chapter 1

Previous Chapter   -   Chapter 5

Chapter 4: #TwinSquad

That sounds like… Anastacia comes into my vision, stands in front of me, guarding me. “I don’t give a rat’s arse about who you think you are! Nobody, and I repeat, NOBODY! Does that to my brother!” Anyone who doesn’t know her, everybody here except me, wouldn’t know that inside her mind, she’s screaming at herself to grab me and run. The little waver in her voice gave it away. But I’m so lucky to have her. She sets her own anxiety to the side to help me.

“What?” Jake drawls out that word. “We were just having a bit of fun. Ain’t that right, freak?” He looks pointedly at me. And earns a shove from Ann.

“Don’t you dare call my brother a freak,” she says, voice dangerously low. Oh-uh. I haven’t heard her use that voice since she beat the crap out of the only bully at our last school. He was degrading me for being trans, so he kinda had it coming. But still, Anastacia can be pretty scary when she’s in protective mode.

“Oh, I’m sooo scared. What’re you gonna do, British? Throw a teabag after me?” he mocks. Big mistake on his part, if you ask me.

“Did you just-” Oh, Ann is seething now. I can tell. To hell with anxiety, when you’ve pissed her off, you’re dead.

I look around the yard and, oh no! There are so many people! I need to get away from here! I’m on the verge of a panic attack, I can feel it! Why couldn’t I just stay at home and never see the sun again? Ann’s talking, I think. Maybe even fighting that Jake guy. At least verbally. I can’t hear them. I can’t hear anything! Wait, I can hear my heart. That’s good. Right? Oh god, I’m going to have a panic attack on the first day back to school in front of a bunch of strangers! I can’t- I can’t-

“What’s going on here, Jake?”

Who was that? Their voice sounds really calculated. But also kinda cold. Their voice broke through my panicked thoughts, though. Like Mother’s. Her voice was able to break through my thoughts. I’ve only heard their voice, but I think it’s someone I can trust. Maybe. I don’t know. It’s all a haze right now. I should probably open my eyes. Yeah, I’m gonna do that. Wait, I closed my eyes? When did that happen?

Anastacia is standing protectively in front of me, like a knight protecting their most dearest with a shield from a firebreathing dragon. No! Not thinking about that! In front of her, two other students are standing face to face with Jake. They’re talking with him. What are they saying? I try and focus on them.

“… ould leave.” The voice from earlier.

“Yeah, right. Like I’m going to. Yo, Marco! Dillan!” That’s Jake. At his shout, two other students run over to his side. “The nerds wanna fight,” Jake laughs.

“We’d rather it didn’t come to that. However, I will indulge you if you want.” This is a new voice. They sound quite dramatic. It’s one of the two who came over. They are defending me? Why? They don’t know me. I don’t know them.

I can see their back. One of the two is wearing what looks like a dark blue polo. The other is wearing a dark red jacket with a crown on. Nothing too boisterous, but still. Bold.

“Can’t you count, Garcia? It’s three against two. British is obviously too busy with her weak-ass brother,” Jake smirks.

“Numbers don’t matter in situations such as this, may I remind you. Anyone with even just a slight comprehension of hand-to-hand combat will tell you that.” The first voice.

“Indeed, Simons, we don’t need to be any more to take you fiends down.” Red Jacket does what I assume is supposed to be a dramatic pose. Pretty sure the second voice belongs to them.

“Pfft, you really think your geek can handle being in a fight, Garcia? He would lose instantly.” Jake and his goons laugh. “He’s too scrawny! If I even just gently punch him, he’d break!” Jakes goons laughed even harder at that. Well, that really wasn’t fair! I really wanna help them, but I can’t do a fucking thing right now! It’s like I’m paralysed!

“You would actually be surprised at what Logan can do, Jake.” A new voice, sounding a bit more female. Well, it looks like they are here to help Polo Shirt and Red Jacket. “And how many punches he can take without breaking a sweat or slowing down in the slightest.”

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t the Quick E coming the weaklings to the resue?” Jake taunts. I think it’s supposed to be a play at their name or something.

“Har har, real mature, Jackie.” Jake sneers at the name. The newcomer (gosh, there’s so many strangers now, I can’t breathe) only smile at Jake innocently. “You know it’s Qikkie. Q-I-K-K-I-E,” they spell out. “Qikkie. Might look weird, but it’s just pronounced ‘Kikki’.” Oh, their smile is dangerous now. They kinda remind me of Ann…

“Virgil, breathe.” Who said that?! I frantically look around. Who the hell sa- oh. Anastacia. She’s right next to me now. She’s telling me to breathe. Am I not breathing? I inhale sharply. Oh, guess I wasn’t.

She continues whispering soft nothings into my ear. I tune them out in favour of focusing on the conversation in front of us. Red Jacket is standing slightly in front of Polo Shirt, ready to defend. I must’ve missed something.

“Oh, go put a sock in it, Jake,” Red Jacket says. Jake just laughs. As do his goons.

“Hey! Attention here, hothead!” the newcomer, Qikkie, says, snapping their fingers. Nice bracelet. Why does it say ‘She/Her’ on it? “Do you really wanna turn your back on me? After what happened last year?” Jake visibly freezes. Qikkie just smiles wickedly. Wonder what happened?

“Fine. You losers win this round,” Jake grumbles, signalling to his goons to follow him as he leaves.

“You just conceded victory to us, so we are in fact the winners. Not losers,” Polo Shirt says, sounding puzzled.

Qikkie turns to Ann and me. “Sorry about him. Jake wasn’t taught any manners at all at home. He’s just a Neanderthal. Just ignore him and his brainless gorillas,” Qikkie smiles at us and offers a hand. The other two are still there, but it seems like they’re sending ordering looks to the other students because they start to leave fast.

Ann takes their offered hand after I nod an okay at her. She then gently lifts me up with both hands. Damn it! I’m wobbling a bit. My legs aren’t steady. Haven’t eaten anything since lunch yesterday and that push just took more of my remaining energy. I really need to eat better.

I quickly gain my balance and start signing. ‘Thanks, sis. Uhm, could you translate this next part?’ I hesitantly ask.

“Of course! Go ahead,” she says, earning a few confused looks from the others with us. Polo Shirt and Red Jacket came to stand next to Qikkie.

‘You know, it’s really offensive to Neanderthals to call him that. They were obviously much more intelligent than Jake is.’ I sign, allowing a tiny smirk to be visible on my face. Ann starts giggling a lot and has to catch her breath. Polo Shirt starts chuckling a bit as well, making Qikkie and Red Jacket look at them like they’d lost their mind. Maybe they didn’t laugh much?

Ann seems to have caught her breath again. “Huh, sorry. Right, translation. Virgil said, and I quote: You know, it’s really offensive to Neanderthals to call him that. They were obviously much more intelligent than Jake is.” And the others start laughing. Well, Polo Shirt is still chuckling a bit.

Qikkie’s laugh is light and not really that loud. Red Jacket’s laughter, however… it’s loud and boisterous and like music. Wait, what? Nonono, get it together Virgil! If you start these thoughts you’re only gonna start blushing and- and I’m blushing. Great. I look down a bit, trying to hide behind my bangs. Please don’t notice, please don’t notice, please don’t notice!

They finally start to laugh off. And Red Jacket looks at me. Oh, no! Shit! They’re smiling! At me! What do I do?! Can’t I just sink into the ground or something?!

“I like the way you think, Virgil, was it?” they ask. All I can do is stand there and look really dumb. I just nod. I’m pretty sure no one seems aware of my internal conflict. “I’m Roman. Roman Garcia. He/him.” Red Jacket, Roman, says, extending his hand but backtracks and scratches his neck instead. At least he could see I’d rather not touch any stranger at the moment.

Polo Shirt collects himself and gives a tiny attention-grabbing cough. “My name is Logan Connors. I, as well as Roman, use he/him pronouns. And we’re glad to be of assistance to the both of you,” he says and gives a curt nod. Yup. He’s the formal type. He even wears a necktie. Who even does that in a school that has no uniforms?

“You probably already caught my name,” Qikkie chuckles. “But if you forgot it already, it’s Qikkie. Picani. My name’s spelt really weird, but it’s just pronounced ‘Kiki’,” they smile. They get a look from Logan that I have no idea what means. “Oh, yeah! And I use she/her pronouns for today. I’m a demigirl, or as I like to call it: demifemale, so you can see my pronouns on my bracelet here.” She lifts her hand with the bracelet I saw earlier. So that’s why it says she/her. Cool. “When I’m wearing the ‘they/them’ pendants, you can just call me Q. You don’t have to, obviously, but it would be nice.”

“That’s really cool! I’m Anastacia, uhh, Blake,” Ann hesitantly adds. Most likely because they also shared their last names. Qikkie seems to light up at Ann’s comment about Qikkie’s bracelet. “I use she/her as well. And this is Virgil,” she gestures to me. “My brother. He/him.” I give a small wave at the introduction. And then the awkwardness starts. No one seems to know what to say now. I just try and hide behind my hair and hope Roman doesn’t look at me. I really don’t know why my body reacted like that! What’s wrong with me?

Luckily the first warning bell rings, signalling for us to get ready to go to our next class, breaking the awkward silence.

“Now that introductions are out of the way, it would be best for us to head to our next classes. We can show you to your classrooms?” Logan offers, albeit a bit awkward. He must not be all that social. Welcome to the club. I nod silently.

“We’d like that,” Ann says after she sees my nod. She checks her schedule. “Uhm, I have Maths,” she says.

“Ooh! We do too! Roman and I!” Qikkie says, clapping her hands excitedly. “We can take you there and at the same time, make sure Jake doesn’t try and bother you!” Ann nods, but glances to me. “What do you have, Virgil?” Qikkie asks me. Guess she noticed the worry in Ann’s eyes.

I look at my schedule. And smile. I have Art! One of the few things I don’t suck at and have a hard time screwing up. ‘Art’ I sign at Ann.

“Art? Cool!” Ann says, genuinely excited for me. It feels nice.

“Well, seems like you’ll be keeping me company, as I also have Art,” Logan says, adjusting his glasses unnecessarily. Must be a tick or something. He seems alright. I hope I’m not wrong like last time… “It is this way, Virgil.” I look around. Ann already left with Roman and Qikkie. I must’ve been zoning out. Wait, he’s walking away. Logan’s walking away. What do I do? Oh, right. He said he has Art too. I’m just gonna follow him.

I catch up to him pretty fast, though I do have a small limp from being pushed down on the ground. I really hope he doesn’t notice. We walk in silence. Obviously. Logan seems like someone who’s not up for unnecessary conversation, and I don’t really speak.

“So, Virgil. Might I inquire how long you’ve been unable to speak?” Logan suddenly breaks the silence. Great. “Do not worry about answering in sign-language, as I know some myself. Granted, I do not communicate in it every day. You do not have to answer if it’s too uncomfortable for you,” he adds after he, presumably, glances towards me and sees how I’m curling in on myself. It’s nice to know he actually cares about me. The least I could do after he and Roman basically saved me is answer him.

‘Well… I’m not unable to speak, per se. My throat just closes up a lot. It’s been doing that for as long as I can remember, really. So, I really just use sign to speak with others. Others being my sister and father.’ I hope that wasn’t too much for him to read. He did say he’s not the best.

“Ah. Selective mutism. I’m guessing you have heightened anxiety?” Logan asks. Wait, it’s actually called something? I thought I was just a weirdo. Huh. I do nod at his question about my anxiety. “Well, if you are called upon by the teacher, I shall translate as best I can for you if that is alright?” Again I nod.

He keeps his focus on me as we walk so I might as well ask. ‘Is there a specific reason why you know sign language?’ Pleasedon’thatemepleasedon’thatemepleasedon’thatemepleas-

“Well, a good friend of mine, his mother is deaf. I spent a lot of time at their house growing up, so I picked up a few things, well, a lot. And I’ve always been fascinated by it,” Logan explains. Well. At least he doesn’t find me annoying. Yet. I think.

We walk for another minute in silence, my mind is seriously being an asshole right now. How far away is the Art classroom anyway?! Hey, it’s my first day, alright? Don’t expect me to remember where everything is to a tee from just one tour of the school! “Logan! There you are!” someone whisper-shouts. Someone’s waving at us, standing outside a classroom.

“Ah, that is my sister, Laylin. Relax, Laylin. It’s still another five minutes before class starts,” Logan addresses the girl in front of us. She rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, but you’re usually here ten minutes before. Did Patton make you look at pictures of puppies again?” she remarks sarcastically. I’m just gonna assume that it’s something that’s only happened once and Laylin just keeps bringing it up to annoy Logan. That’s what I would do if Logan was my brother.

“That was one time!” Logan near hisses. “And no. Jake had sought out a new victim, so we stopped by to help. This is Virgil, by the way,” he says, nodding to me. I give a small wave at the girl in front of me.

“Nice to meet you, Virgil. I’m Laylin, Logan’s twin. Hope Jake didn’t give you a bad impression of the school. It’s the fewest that’s actually like him.” They’re twins. Why am I surprised? It’s the only explanation as to how they’re on the same year as siblings. Right?

The rest of the day goes by smoothly. Someone’s always by my side, so Jake stays away. We got some homework, but at least it’s something we covered last year in school, so I already did it and won’t have to agonise over it.

When we arrive at school the next day, Nini is standing just outside the doors, waving at us when she spots us. “So. Heard yesterday was quite eventful, huh? Next time Jake decides to annoy you, just drop my name, and he’ll back off,” she says as we reach her.

“We’ll keep that in mind,” Ann giggles. We head inside, and Nini guides us in the direction of our next class. We still have another fifteen minutes, but we’d like to be in good time, seeing as we missed the first lesson yesterday because we are new and needed a tour and everything.

The classroom’s up ahead, someone’s already standing outside the door, not blocking it though. Wait, is that Roman? Huh. His wardrobe is completely different from yesterday. Ann noticed him too. “Hey, Roman,” she says when we get close enough. He looks up, and did he dye his hair since yesterday? Because I don’t recall that grey streak in his hair. Then again, I only met the guy yesterday.

Roman starts laughing. Well, more like cackling, really. That… is not the reaction I expected at all. And from the way Ann mirrors my surprise and confusion, neither did she. I look around us, searching with my eyes as to what could be so funny. A guy (I assume, but still gonna refer with gender-neutral pronouns until I know for sure) is standing close by and looks like a confused bean. Like, literally. Looks like the definition of an innocent bean. Blue shirt, glasses, a cardigan tied around the shoulders, and a long skirt on.

“Remus? What’s going on?” they ask as they move closer.

REMUS?! The hell?! I glance at Anastacia. She looks as shocked as I am; mouth ajar and everything. Does this mean that yesterday was some sort of planned out practical joke? That they gave us fake names just to ridicule us today in school?

I can see their mouth moving, feel Ann’s hand on my arm, but I can’t hear. Shit! Not having a panic attack now! Not gonna happen! Pull yourself together, Virgil! Don’t need to make a bigger fool out of yourself than you already have. Breathe in for four seconds, hold for seven, and out for eight. Repeat.

“…iddo?” Great, I can hear again. My eyes focus again. The others are staring at me. Did I miss something? I tilt my head a bit to the side, Ann knows it means I’m listening but think I might’ve missed something in the conversation. Which I clearly did just now.

“Hey, there, kiddo. Glad you’re joining us again,” the person in the skirt says. “My name is Patton, he/him,” he smiles. He seems really bubbly, it’s actually a calming atmosphere to be in. I smile faintly at him to make sure he knows I heard him. I can hear footsteps in the distance.

He opens his mouth to say some more, but someone interrupts. Someone who wasn’t there before. And looks like Patton. Like, apart from the heterochromia and some lighter patches of skin on the left side of their face, they are identical. And now my confused state has increased. “Could you keep it down, Remus? I could hear you all the way at the end of the hallway,” they drawl, pointing over their shoulder, down the long hallway.

“Oh, heya, Janus!” Patton waves energetically. “I made some new friends! I think.” He looks at me, smiling. He then looks back at the newcomer, Janus, and starts explaining what just happened to make ‘Remus’ laugh like that.

She smiles (Patton mentioned her pronouns somewhere in his explanation. It went too fast for me to get the context for why he mentioned her pronouns, okay?) and chuckles a bit. “I can understand why you look so utterly confused. You two ran into Roman yesterday, right?” she asks. Her voice is smooth and a bit deep. I can see Ann nod in my periphery. “It is most likely that he didn’t mention Remus at all. You just met, after all. But, they are not the same person. They are twins. Identical twins. Patton and I are twins as well if you were wondering, which I can only assume you were. We are not identical twins, but we look very similar still,” she explains, and now I feel like a total fool. And idiot. Of course, they are twins. That’s what makes the most sense. I’m getting a headache. “Oh, and I am genderfluid, so keep watch of my necklace,” she winks.

I look towards Anastacia, my anxiety forgotten. ‘I am getting a headache. There are three pairs of twins, not including us, here. This is gonna get confusing fast,’ I sign to her, to which she nods.

“Yeah, it is,” she agrees, taking my hand. “But we’re here together, so we get to share our confusion,” she winks.

“Oh, this is only half of us, darling,” Janus smirks. “But we should get to class, it’s about to start. Have fun.” She starts walking back down the hall. “By the way.” She stops and looks over her shoulder. “Welcome to the Twin Squad.”

[kaspbrak-tozier-reddie]

“And They Were Soulmates?” - Reddie

I’m rewriting this into a Reddie Oneshot.

Warnings: swearing, slight homophobia mentions

Requests are open.———————————————————————

After the phone call with Mike, Eddie immediately looks down at his wrist, not really caring about how bad his car is. He can’t remember why his wrist is so important but it must’ve been a long time ago. Much like the cut section of his cast that he refused to part with. Eddie is finally brought back to his senses by someone tapping his shoulder, “I need your details, for insurance purposes,” the man who was driving the taxi, says.

“Oh right, yes of course,” Eddie replies. He eventually looks at the damage he had caused only minutes ago, both inner sides of the cars are smashed. “Fuck!”

“Yeah, ‘fuck’ indeed.” Eddie quickly gave the law-abiding driver, his details and walked to the subway, not wanting to watch his SUV get towed away. The closer he gets to the subway, the more he thinks about Myra. She was going to take him to the emergency room for sure, ‘you may have a concussion, Eddie-bear’. Eddie shudders at the thought.

His eyes flick to his wrist as it heats up, it’s only in a small spot, centred on the side, in line with his pinky. Why doe it burn? Why does he remember it burning 24 years ago?

****

He walks up the stairs from the station and makes a beeline for the apartment complex that was just up the road. It’s like a sprint, almost like he’s desperate to get in and out and back into the ‘safety’ of Derry, his home, the place he loved?

Eddie stops, he looks up at the stairs, leading to his apartment, he can’t bring himself to walk up the stair. He feels as though someone was keeping him grounded, unable to move from his spot on the sidewalk. Derry? Home. Derry? Richie. Richie? Why does that name sound so familiar? 

Small memories started to file in and Eddie knows he has to go back, he has to go back for Richie. Richie? There it is again! 

“Eddie-bear! There you are!” Myra exclaims joyfully as she embraces her husband. “I thought you left me!”

“Now why would I do that?” Eddie replies, he tries to die down his obvious fake tone and must’ve been successful as Myra skips away to the kitchen. “Um, Myra, I have a work conference that I must go to tomorrow. It’s two hours out and is only going on for a few days.”

“Okay! I’ll come!” 

“No!” It comes out harsher than he intended, and both wince. “No, it’s only workers, it’s just me and two other men going.” Myra sighs and nods. “I’ll need to leave in like two hours.” He hates it when she does this, it was almost like she hated the idea of him leaving. How he didn’t pick up on it soon, he didn’t know. It’s a smothering type of relationship and he can’t take it but he doesn’t want to hurt her.

“Oh, but I made your favourite.” The pungent smell of burnt spaghetti bolognese gets stronger and Myra removes the lid off the pot. Spaghetti? I never liked spaghetti but why do I like spaghetti?

He continues to think about his life choices since leaving Derry as he walks to the bedroom he shares with his wife. “Eddie Spaghetti.” Eddie mutters, “that’s why I always watch Trashmouth! He was my - “ Friend? No. Best friend? No. 

Two thoughts left and Eddie can’t bring himself to even think like that, so he shakes the thoughts. It’s impossible, he has a wife who he loves? Why am I fucking questioning this? 

He doesn’t bother to fold his clothes, just shoving everything he can into his suitcases. He grabs his toiletry bag and his old fanny pack that he hasn’t touched in 2 decades, still packed to the brim of old medication that he refuses to take. Just as he is about to walk out the door, he looks down at his hand. 

The wedding ring. 

He always thought it looked funny. It never sat right, it was slightly big but wasn’t big enough to fall off his finger. It was gold, he wanted a black silvery band but Myra wanted matching bands. Eddie always wanted to have sex but Myra always claimed it was dirty and a “sin”, even though they are married. How would we even reproduce? Eddie often wondered, he always thought about having kids. 

“I’m sorry,” Eddie mutters and leaves his ring on the side table as well as a quickly scribbled note and finally drags his two suitcases down the hall and out the front to hail a taxi.

***

The flight over, Eddie has time to rethink everything. He pulls open his laptop and quickly sends a few emails regarding divorce and needing to update some forms. It may be too soon but Eddie knows that it isn’t. As he tries to think back to that Summer 27 years ago, he remembers yelling at his mother. Everything that Myra had done, it wasn’t healthy and Eddie laughs quietly to himself. I married my fucking mother! 

The drugs and the little cuts and bruises and believing he needs to go to the hospital for stitches and medications to stop the bruises from forming. Leaving his mother in Derry made him forget everything he had done to prevent from being a hypochondriac and now he still is. He isn’t sick, he gets that, he never had asthma or weird illnesses that he had never heard of. 

He opens Netflix and plugs in his headphones, he searches for Richie Tozier’s Netflix Special. Even though there’s only an hour left in the 2-hour flight, he still plays it. It’s obvious from the start that the jokes aren’t his, they were homophobic and nowhere near as dirty as they used to be. The humour was restrained and dry, only heckles and coughs were heard, no applause or laughs. It breaks Eddie’s heart, he isn’t sure why. 

Sure he remembers the Losers and they had a friendship, a strong bond held by IT and bullying by Bowers’ gang, but Stan and Bill were two out of his three closest friends. Richie seems different and Eddie can’t put his finger on it. He tries to dig in his mind, staring at Richie’s tall figure on stage. 

Richie was a comedian back in the day, think Eddie, what makes this so different to when we were kids?

“Would you like one from me too, Mrs K?” Richie had asked just before he, Eddie and Bill had gone somewhere, the Barrens? Sewer?

Crap!

Richie always made Eddie the butt of the joke or made dick jokes. 

The burning on his wrist reappears, this time the skin where it burns starts to turn red. Eddie immediately covers it, trying to conceal the area from the open. It didn’t hurt this much the last time, Eddie recalls, it must have something to do with Derry.

****

As he drives past the ‘Welcome to Derry’ sign, the hairs on his neck stand up straight, goosebumps start to rise on his arms. The strange and uncomfortable feeling of being watched looms over him, he passes the cemetery, almost veering off the road as he catches a glimpse of a fluffy red hair and a white clown suit. “It’s just your mind playing tricks on you, Eds.” Eddie tries to reason with himself. “I hate being called that.” It rolls off his tongue, just like ‘Eds’. 

Who called me that? I liked it though but said I hated it. 

Hatred and frustration washes over him, he doesn’t want to be back in the homophobic town. He couldn’t, even as an adult, he didn’t want to fathom what the town would do if they found out he was gay. 

Gay?

Crap!

No wonder why his marriage felt loveless, he wasn’t attracted to her! Or women in general. He was and still is attracted to men, well one man ... Richard Tozier.

*

He finally makes it to the Chinese restaurant but stays in his car for a few minutes to compose himself, not wanting to have a full-on panic attack during dinner. Aside from the killer clown returning to Derry, it was meant to be a happy reunion, a way to catch up with the other 6 survivors of Pennywise. 

Eddie huffs and pulls himself out of his car and carries himself towards the restaurant. “Reservation for Michael Hanlon,” Eddie says to the waitress, who then leads him to a reserved table where two familiar faces stand. “Mike? Bill?” 

“Eddie!?” Mike exclaims, racing over and hugging Eddie, Bill kind of stands awkwardly. 

“Bill!” Eddie exclaims and hugs the horror writer. 

*

Not even 10 minutes later, 3 others walk in and a gong goes off. Eddie catches the eye of the tall comedian, he watches the dark curls falling over the glasses, the way his jack clung to his broad shoulders. The burning sensation, that Eddie has been experiencing for the past day, starts to burn deeper and Eddie sees his skin form black bold letters. As he looked down, black inked appeared, ‘R.T’ was written. 

Did I ever tell Richie? Or did I cover it up like I did with my sexuality?

“Did your soulmate’s initials fade when you left too?” Beverly asks as they all sat down to eat.

“Mine just came back,” Eddie replies. “It started burning when I got the call from Mike.”

“Mine never left, still says S.U,” Mike replies. Mike knows that Stan was happily married to Patricia and would never want to get in between them, sure he may never find anyone else but he likes being alone, in that sense at least. He loves having friends but doesn’t mind being alone relationship wise.

“Did you ever tell Stan!?” Bill asks and Mike shook his head. “Well, I got my soulmate.” That meant that Bill and Audra ... ? Eddie feels himself deflating.

“Mine faded too,” Ben says.

“Same,” Richie finally says just as he winces in pain and looks down at his wrist. “Shit.”

“Show us, boys!” Bev pipes up reaching over at both Eddie and Richie. Richie shrugged and reached over to Bev, Eddie followed. “OH MY GOD! Guys!” Ben, Mike and Bill gathers around Bev and looked between Eddie and Richie’s wrists. 

“OH DAMN!” Ben squeals and clamps a hand over his mouth in embarrassment. Richie grabs Eddie’s wrist, his eyes widen.

“Eds ...” Richie whispers. Eddie shakes his head as a warning and flips Richie’s wrist round he looks down at his wrist and sees the ‘E.K’. 

This shouldn’t be possible, his mother always told him that you couldn’t get an initial for someone of the same gender. Then again, she and the majority of the town were homophobic. Those thoughts are out of date now, being part of the LGBTQ+ community is accepted now, Eddie should have no fear. His mother is dead and he is planning at finally divorcing his wife.

Eddie looks into Richie’s eyes and remembers all the good times the two had shared. It was a type of love that Eddie never got from his mother or Myra, it wasn’t forced and he was able to be who he wanted to be. He could be a normal teenager who shouldn’t need to be scared of any health risks. 

All the times Richie climbed in through his window, all the times he had snuck in through Richie’s window. The hammock? The hammock, he used to argue with Richie just so he could squeeze into the hammock with him.

“I’m still married, Richie. Until the divorce papers go through,” Eddie whispers. Richie didn’t seem to care and still kissed Eddie; both had waited 27 years for this to happen and didn’t want to wait any longer.

“Eds, I fucked your mom,” Richie whispers against Eddie’s soft and now swollen pink lips.

“BEEP, FUCKING BEEP, RICHARD!” Eddie groans. “Of course you had to ruin it!” 

“I’m not even sorry, Eddie Spaghetti.”

That’s why he ‘likes’ spaghetti! One of the many nicknames that Richie gave him. ‘Eds’ he secretly loved but if he said anything, the others would call him that. ‘Eddie Spaghetti’ he absolutely hated! It was cringy and annoying, it was a means of Richie calling him cute and pinching his cheeks.

“Don’t call me that.” Eddie says. “You know i hate it when you call me that.”

“How about ‘babe’, Eduardo?” Eddie blushes, he couldn’t help it. There’s a fire inside of him that he hasn’t felt in almost 30 years and he loves it.

Eddie puts his arm up on the table, signalling for an arm wrestle. “Just like the old days.” Eddie whispers.

“Amen to that.” Richie chuckles. Their competitiveness never left, both needing to assert dominance. It had been like that for years and now was no different.

[the-dyslexic-blogger]

Broken trust

Hello again welcome back to Dino’s blogs can I just say thank you all of you for supporting my blogs I appreciate it I try to lighten up the moment including the most dark moments I try to lighten up the moment. So the fun part trigger warnings there is suicide attempts, Self-harm and a MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING for sexual assault  I will warn you again before the mentions I just don't want anyone to get triggered I AM NOT HOLDING BACK on details as I'm tired of keeping this a secret.

Here we go this blog is probably the hardest one I've written to be honest it's taken a lot of courage it's a big thing to say 'I am a victim of sexual assault on several occasions', but here we go: 

 So I don't trust many people I didn't know how to for a while. I didn't know what love was until recently I didn't know what it was to be cared for until university. So why don't I trust people you ask… oh, you hear that *Choo Choo* oh look it's the trauma train gotta love the trauma train chugging throughout my head.

So yeah I have been sexually assaulted on four occasions by two guys one was at school and the first year at college and the second was two times in the first year on the university.

So this isn’t sexual assault or rape but in this there’s mentions of rape and bullying.

But I also had an encounter with this guy online who pretended to be a girl who was 14 and from my school and followed me on Instagram it was normal until I was revising looked at my phone and they had commented ‘I’m going to rape you and your family’ and ‘I will burn your house down with you in it’ so there you goooo *distant choo choo*. So I mentioned it to my classmates they mentioned it to my childcare teacher we will call her Brown she reported it to the police they came in and talked to me Brown said she’d come with me so she did she was lovely I miss her. I showed them the screenshots that I took before he deleted his account and his comments they said they will keep me updated later on that month they were coming in again as he’d been targeting other students this time Brown couldn’t make it so the school nurse came with me she’d been helping me a lot with my problems and we spoke again about it they tracked him back to India but they never pressed any charges they had to wait for Instagram to get back to press charges but they never did (FUNNNNN YAYYYY more trauma) so yeee that’s the time I was threatened.

Just another warning going to be talking more about sexual assault and rape here.

School as you know already was hard, but it wasn't until GCSEs in year 11 like a week before I sat my first  exam I had a friend at the time we will call him ‘Oliver’ he was my friend since year nine he waited until I was at the age of consent so 16 here (He was 17, so it's not like he was 40, but he was held back a year). So he invited me around his house to game and revise, so I took him up on it, of course, he was my friend at the time the day came around I was excited to be able to go to his and chill for a bit instead of being at home.

I got on the bus I was wearing jeans and a hoodie and of course a shirt (I told you this detail to show you clothing is NOTHING to do with what a rapist wants.) But yeah listened to music. He met me at the bus stop, and we went back to his (WE WAS NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP). I had been there for a few hours, and he closed the door and locked it he looked at me weirdly as he grabbed the remote out my hand I laughed "what you doing" he said nothing and just started kissing me I pulled away, but he just picked me up and put me on his bed he kept kissing me I told him to stop (his parents had gone out by the way).

He continued to until he forced my jeans off and took his pants and stuff off and continued to rape me I laid there I gave up trying to fight this off I stared at the ceiling trying to focus on other things besides what was happening. I remember watching a spider crawling around the ceiling wishing I was the spider (preferably being squished) and not the person being raped.

After he was done with me, he got up smiled at me and said 'I love you' I didn't respond. I had no emotion I felt numb in fact.

He looked at me and said 'If you ever tell anyone I will make your life hell' after this he opened his door and let me out I left the house shaking and got around the corner where he couldn't see me looked around no one was there I sat on the floor and cried and had a massive panic attack. I got the bus and went home.

Trigger warning for suicide attempts and self-harm

I sat on my bed with my plate of hot food steaming away, of course, I didn't eat it. I stared at it, thinking about the events of the day. I threw the food away said good night to my family came back in my room. I sat on the bed and cried I took a blade out and cut my wrists pretty badly I found some tablets and took an overdose as well as kept cutting to make the cuts deeper and worse in hope I’d bleed out and die a lot of the cuts scarred, and I can still see today. I fell asleep on the bed holding the blade, and I woke up and cried at the fact that I didn't die in my sleep. Looking back now I’m glad I didn’t die in my sleep cuz this way I got to feel love and trust and be cared for and all that.

The next day I acted like nothing happened went into school. No one noticed anything was wrong. I didn't ever tell anyone about this until I met people I trusted in university. After this incident, I stopped talking to him. He still continued to follow me around the school then I started spending time down learning support where teachers used to be.

So there school was said and done in a few months I didn't see this shithead for a few months (yes a few months... fun)

So I did exams, and that was fun then the joy of the first year of college happened. Oliver was also in the college I was in and I didn't know until I spotted him and unfortunately, he spotted me after that he decided he wanted to follow me around the college so when I could I’d stay in the classroom or the bathroom.

So another fun joyful trigger warning here…

It was the morning I was walking to college, and I didn't realise he’d spotted me while he was on the bus it drove past me, and he got off in town, and by this point, he had realised I wasn't interested but guess what that didn't stop him...yay (to be honest I don't think anything will stop a rapist who knows exactly what they are doing. They don't give a shit about you will fuck anything that moves...sorry).

He proceeded to follow me, so I tried to lose him it didn't work he caught up when I thought I’d lost him I was in the woods (hey I thought I’d lose him in the woods it was stupid I know) he pushed me to the ground and raped me again this time I focused on the birds they trigger me even today I tried to fight it off, but every time I tried to do something he would say 'shhh' or smack me around the face, so I gave up and again focused on something else like the sound of the birds.

After he was done he kissed me and said exactly the same thing he had said the first time about hurting me if I told anyone so I didn’t I was scared shitless. I went into college again felt numb I went to the bathroom and had a backup blade on me in case urges got back and I cut myself again wasn’t an attempt to kill myself yet (that fun will come later) I went into my lesson didn’t concentrate much I had tutoring maths she noticed something was wrong I just told her I was tired (indeed tired of living…and the trauma over my shoulder) I got through the day and stayed in the classroom until like 5pm I finished at 3pm but I was scared shitless. I walked home in constant fear of being raped again I got home sat on my bed and cried a lot tried to kill myself again this time was overdose then went to a multi-storey where I was gonna jump but people on a server I was on on discord talked me out of it I went home got shouted at for going out fun.

So those nightmares and traumas and flashbacks never stopped I still have them now thankfully I moved college after this met some good people but I never knew how to trust people with stuff as the one person I trusted in school raped me it’s like when he raped me the rest of the happiness that was left over from me was sucked out of me and I was left a shadow of myself a shadow of darkness and depression and suicidal thoughts and cutting my pain away.

So in 3rd year of college there was this stalker I spoke about in the anxiety blog but what I didn’t mention is the time he tried to sexually assault me he pulled me into a driveway and started trying to rape me and brushed his hand on my crotch I walked away and went into a supermarket and hid for a while when I got courage I went home. Thankfully he didn’t go too far as I didn’t give him chance to.

So yeah college I got semi better and started to gain trust of a small handful of people when I came to university I realised people can be good so I started to trust people again and realise what friendship really was. I began coming out of my shell a bit more talking to people I managed to make friends not many but I was happy with what I had.

I trusted people for once in my life since the first rape but this wasn’t for long *choo choo* yes you’re right trauma time yay. So I met this guy ‘Aiden’ he was weird at the start. He kept pressuring to come over to mine I gave in my flatmate said she’d stay with me with her mate but she left me after a while with her mate I begged her not to leave but she did left me with him the monster who took my trust again. (We also now refer to that “friend” as Rebitcha instead of Rebecca).

I was in the common room of accommodation we was sitting on the sofa chatting and I went to the bathroom it was a disabled one both doors locked and I forgot to lock the other one. I locked one but I went to the bathroom and washed my hands (cuz I’m not a detty pig sex ed reference) and unlocked the door to see him stood there waiting for me he then said he had feelings for me I said I don’t feel the same about you sorry. He said ‘I don’t care’ grabbed me by the chest on my jumper pushed me against the wall and kissed me I told him to stop please. He continued to rip my trousers off and rape me in the bathroom I had nothing to focus on this time so I closed my eyes and wished it would end wished Rebitcha never left me here with the monster who had no remorse he had no feeling afterwards he got up dragged me off the ground said get changed threw me back into the other part of the bathroom and closed the door and he then left the common room I came out crying and shaking. I saw he had gone (the fact that he got an uber to get here means this rapist took effort to get to me cuz he knew I was weak and not that strong physically so couldn’t fight him off).

A lot of the details here are missing and fuzzy because my protector alter Cody took over and we sort of shared this carriage of the trauma train so neither of us really remembers all of exactly what happened.

After this came the creepy messages on snapchat where he’d say things like “maths then fuck” he would try so so hard to get me out of the classroom alone so he could do it again. He was addicted to being a dickhead. He wouldn’t stop then in winter once I was walking home from uni I spotted him and got faster back then I didn’t  have anyone to walk with back in winter in the uk it gets dark at like 4pm so my lesson finished at 5 he was there and decided ‘Hey here have another fuck ton of trauma’ *choo choooooo* and he basically did the same but outdoors near the university in a hidden area so no one could see he had his hand over my  mouth so my screams were just muffled moans and you know he’s a fucked up creep cuz he enjoyed it in fact that probably made him horny I dislike this guy.

At this point I was tired of the trauma of keeping it all inside I told my friend he was there for me I was terrified to talk about it as he wasn’t in my university we both thought it would be a good idea to tell this person we will call her Alex the Snake (you’ll see why later) so we did she was “supportive” but was pushy for me to go to the police she’d constantly bother my mates and me and come over just so she can force me to go my flatmate knew it all it was Rebitcha again who had abandoned me in the common room with him. One night I remember this a lot they came over to force me to tell the police I was suicidal that night and they all left me and went to sit in Rebitcha’s room while I was alone YOU KNOW WHAT THEY FUCKING DID they stabbed me in the back saying how I probably made it up and shit meanwhile I was in my room talking to my friend on a call he was trying to talk me out of suicide we was on call when I fell asleep as I was a danger to myself I put their bags and shit outside the door and locked it I was done with them. I fell asleep and woke up it was 2am and they had just gone you know where they went yeah the fucking police station AFTER I HAD SAID I DON’T WANT TO GO they went on their own. I messaged the group chat and asked they LIED AGAIN and said they’d gone to McDonalds.

After this night I didn’t trust anyone really I didn’t know how to trust them anymore they had broken my trust so much it was like a mirror had been smashed on the floor and the bits all over the floor.

This snake continued to go behind my back with my flatmate go out together all just to bitch about me the snake only wanted to get gossip about me from my flatmate and she did was a bitch about me I went to these people who helped I had some help from them. The university did fuck all only one of my flatmates was supportive she’s my best mate now she’s been there I never really talked to her about this I am still very very traumatised by this and still don’t trust people very well.

The snake stopped me going to the thing I enjoyed the most the thing that took my mind off of the rape I stopped going to musical theatre in fear she’d come up to me and talk about it even though I’d asked her thousands of times not to bring it up I will never EVER forgive her for what she did in a way she fucked me up almost as much as the rapist did. It sucks being raped I can’t explain how it feels you feel like it is your fault the guilt consumes you so much it’s like a vulture waiting for the animal to die but stalking it until it dies the trauma being the vulture. The Snake continued to torment me with trauma asking about it all the time like how it happened she didn’t believe me.

You the reader here can believe me when I say all of this or don’t. Simple. It happened and I’m the only person who knows 100% it happened because I was on the receiving end of the sexual assault other people were not. But I don’t care what others say I know what happened I was the one person there like I just said the trauma train spent a lot of time at the sexual assault stop. But being sexually assaulted makes me who I am today I wish it didn’t happen because I still am severely traumatised and have nightmares but I’m getting there slowly I find talking really helps me this helps it’s been so hard to write for me taken 2 times longer than another blog but it’s a very hard thing to talk about.

But being sexually assaulted isn’t that rare sadly it happens to a lot of people.

Whatever race sex sexuality whether you’re wearing a space suit or just a swimsuit you can be a victim of sexual assault please please don't keep it to yourself please talk to someone because this is such a stigma. Yes sexual assault is still a stigma you know fuck it men can BE RAPED TOO it’s not just woman okay men speak out its okay to not be okay you can cry. You know boys DO cry. Even with women its hard speak up you feel like no one will believe you feel like a failure because it happened to you but it isn’t your fault nothing is your fault you can’t help that some people can’t keep their dick in their pants or their tits in their shirt. SO DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF if you are a victim of rape or abuser physical, mental, sexual, financial and medical abuse (Gypsy rose who.)

None of it is your fault it’s the abuser they need serious help if you abuse someone and abuse them in any way do me a favour fuck off unfriend me and block me please. I don’t want abusers in my life. But if you’re a victim I have put some helplines alongside my email please email me if you need me it WILL stay between us unless I think you’re going to kill yourself because I care about you please don’t kill yourself I care and don’t want anyone dead except maybe rapists hmm... *sharpens knife*

Being raped really messes with your mental health and the way you feel like you can’t turn to anyone being abused is like you’re thrown to the beast and it tears you apart into pieces and enjoys every moment then it moves on to its next victim in the distance *choo choo* The trauma train following closely behind.

I have put some links below that might help you I have also put my email below please don’t hesitate to message me anytime you need to talk I’ll keep it private and between us and us only anyways I’ve said that #ADHD. But I’m recovering still from this trauma one day I will get through it I now know how to trust people again.

And you will too.

Stay strong my blogger beans.

Love Dino the Dyslexic Blogger xx

 My email: dinothedyslexicblogger@gmail.com

 This morning-https://www.itv.com/thismorning/articles/rape-helplines

 Rape crisis-https://rapecrisis.org.uk/

 Mind-https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/abuse/sexual-abuse/

 Nhs-https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/help-after-rape-and-sexual-assault/

 Supportline-https://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/rape-and-sexual-assault/

 Metroplitaion police they have some helpful rescources-https://www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/rsa/rape-and-sexual-assault/support-for-victims-of-rape-and-sexual-assault/

[neoblogcrying]

Transmigrator!Binghe pt.7

Phew, I finally got this up! I honestly was going to try to complete this entire arc with this chapter but I was almost at 4000 words... so I decided to stop here. I’ll finish with the next chapter! Inspiration came from Pizziccato’s ask/answer [x] . Some dialogue was taken/improvised from BC’s translation found: [x]

-

I’ve have you know that I’ve successfully ascertained that it was indeed anxiety that was making my heart beat erratically in my chest. Ever since Shizun smiled, he’s been frowning ever since.

Was it because he saw my face that I ruined his mood? I remained in the corner, trembling slightly in fear that he would start torturing me any moment. I could feel my muscles tensing with every movement he made, making this way more exhausting than anything else.

At this rate, I’d much rather get out there and walk the rest of the way, but I’m sure Shizun won’t let me. Even if he did…  Ning Yingying would likely hold a fit, and then I’d be forced back into the carriage to save Shizun face.

Black lines appeared on my face as I thought about this more than likely scenario.

I could only impatiently wait for what was to come (or not come). Every bump on the road would spike my anxiety in fear that it would make Shizun remember about my existence. My heart came close to stopping multiple times during this this travel period.

I’m such a pitiful protagonist, aren’t I? I know, I feel bad for me too.

With every movement from Shizun driving my anxiety to a peak, I closed my eyes shut tightly and tried to focus on anything else. Contemplate on things like… what I could do to reduce my affection points with Ning Yingying. Who my future lover was supposed to be (because face it, I don’t plan on failing), and whether the system was going to continue trolling me like this?

There had to be a loophole that I could take advantage of.

Maybe it’s because I kept thinking myself into circles, time passed faster than I thought.

Shuang Hu City wasn’t large, but you could say that it was bustling with activity. We met with the man who was pleading for help from the Cang Qiong Mountain sect, Old  Master Chen. Apparently, two of his concubines died under the ‘Skinner’s’ hands.

“You cultivators must make a decision for us! I don’t dare let Butterfly leave my side, for fear that she’ll lose her way and be killed by that unnatural creature that very day!” The old man mournfully groaned, with tears dripping down his face. I understand that things are different here, but this is too jarring for me, who is from the modern era.

He’s not called ‘Old Man Chen’ for nothing, you know? He’s 60 years old and this concubine he’s fondling is probably a teenager by the looks of things! I was screaming in my head internally, hoping to call child services on him, but that doesn’t exist in this world.

I bit the inside of my cheeks to keep me from saying anything uncouth. This wasn’t my world and thus I had to adapt to their customs, no matter how much I didn’t want to.

Shizun, being the lofty expert, he was, coldly turned around and left. Ming Fan was left behind to greet the Old Master and go over some of the details with. This was the usual, so none of the disciples were surprised by it. It was one of those things, you know? It made you want to admire him.

We all dispersed, and I was thinking about what to do about this. It was weird that I hadn’t gotten a mission from the System yet, but I knew it was stupid of me to think positively now. It was only a matter of time before the system gave me the order to do something to progress the plot—unless…?

Hey, was this scene written in the original series?

[System: Answer, this scene was not written in the original series. This is a background story that the readers have no knowledge of.]

If that’s so… why do you still deduct OOC points from me if I act coldly towards Ning Yingying? Shouldn’t I be able to get away with it? --- That is what I wanted to ask, but I knew the answer to that even without asking it.

Even if I let loose because this wasn’t a part of the original story, it could still be referred to later. If I were to act differently, it raises the chances that this will be referred to in passing. A confusing narrative wouldn’t do anyone in this story any good.

I shook my head in dismay at the thought.

“No good? How about I ask Shizun first? I’m sure he’ll agree!”

I heard Ning Yingying’s voice beside me and I whipped my head to the side to see that she already ran off to find Shizun’s room. W-what was she saying just now? I was lost in my thoughts and I wasn’t listening. SHIT!

WAIT. NING YINGYING, COME BACK! Don’t do something that will put me in trouble with Shizun! I quickly followed after her, but she made it to Shizun’s door before I could bring her back.

“Shizun, Ying-er wants to go out for a turn in the market. Does Shizun wish to join me?” She asked him politely. My steps came to a steady halt and I let out a sigh of relief, fists unclenching, and shoulders relaxing. Luckily, she didn’t say anything that would trigger my death flag.

“If Ying-er wants to go out for a turn, go and find some of your apprentice-brothers to accompany you. This master still has things to do before we face the Skinner.”

Ning Yingying turned her head and flashed a playful smile and with light steps, she trotted over to my side. “Join me, A-Luo. Why don’t we look at the market together? We can see who else wishes to join us.” She grabbed my arm and tugged me along.

As I expected, my arm tensed up upon being touched. This wasn’t because I was nervous or anything like that, but I didn’t feel comfortable having this level of closeness with a girl. I’m a gay man, after all.

We didn’t bother to ask Ming Fan, because he was busy. He was probably doing most of the legwork for Shizun, so he wouldn’t have the time to check the market with us—luckily for me.

Speaking of Shizun, I personally think that he’s such a scummy character. For what reason did you have to hate me from the very get go? What did I ever do to you? He’s an authoritative figure, but he lets the other disciples bully me, and he sometimes joins in himself! Trashy.

That said, I was secretly excited to see what he would make of this Skinner. If I was right, this was probably the work of a demon, if I had to guess how a novel would progress. It’s not often you get to see a Master showing off his finesse and skills! Not only that, our Shizun had good looks! (Let’s ignore the fact that he’d probably come second to me once I grow up.)

What? I may think he’s trashy, but I won’t deny a good-looking man when I see one.

Walking side by side, we checked the market, looking at everything they had for sale. So many trinkets and food lined the market stalls and I looked on with amazement. I could only look on from afar when I was younger because of how poor me and my mother were.

Ah.

My hand unconsciously reached for my chest to grasp at nothing. Right, I don’t have my pendant anymore.

I’ve been dragged here and there to different stores and stalls by her already and even my saintly patience was coming to an end. Just as I was about to say something, Ning Yingying gasped aloud.

“Look! That looks so cute!” Ning Yingying let go of my arm in her excitement and she rushed to a store that sold accessories. It caught her attention and she was enthusiastically looking over the trinkets with a serious eye. “This one, isn’t it cute?” She pointed to a purple butterfly hairclip.

“I believe we should return soon. The day is getting late and surely the others will worry if we tarry much longer.”

She pouted in response, looking miffed. What? It’s true, so why are you upset?

[System: Ning Yingying feels slighted by Luo Binghe’s lack of interest in her appeal attempt. -10 affection points.]

Nice! Keep it up and she’ll move onto someone else, like Ming Fan. Then, he’ll hate me less, that jealous bigot! Still, 10 points is too little, but I’ve been burned enough to know that I should be grateful with whatever I can get.

“Hmph! No way! I want to stay out longer! If you want to go back so soon, catch me and drag me back!” She complained and ran off.

W-what a willful girl! Did your brain turn off? Have you forgotten that the Skinner is out there and it only attacks young girls like yourself!?

[System: Ning Yingying’s thoughtless action impedes her intelligence growth factor. -30 points.]

Whatever, I’ll deal with that later! I hastily gave chase and as soon as I turned the bend—she… she disappeared! How is that possible? She can’t just up and vanish into thin air! My heart beat quickly in fear. She’s gone. She’s really missing!

My feet hit the ground faster, and I could feel the ground shifting underneath my feet as I ran up and down the street, looking for her. I kept repeatedly calling her name, but no response! This isn’t good, this is really bad! She’s gone! Was she kidnapped in broad daylight? Did the Skinner capture her?

There’s no other way about it than to ask Shizun for help! I’ll accept my punishment later! She’s an important character in the progression of the story, so we can’t lose her yet, and I let her run off like an idiot!

I ran as quickly as I could (which is quite fast, might I add. As expected from my Protagonist stats), and I burst through the door. “Shizun!”

Inside was both Shizun and Ming Fan. He must have been giving Shizun the results of his research.

Shizun kept his cold visage even with me appearing so suddenly unannounced. “What is the matter for you to shout so loudly and be in such a panic?” He’s really got a face of ice.

I mentally shook my head of useless thoughts.

“Apprentice-sister Ning Yingying and this disciple went outside during the day to the market. I urged her to come back, but he refused. She ran off and I gave chase, but after she turned a corner, she disappeared. This disciple searched the entire street but couldn’t find her. I fear she may have been taken. I came back to ask for Shizun’s help. I will accept any punishment Shizun gives me as long as we can return her safely!” I solemnly pleaded for him to help Ning Yingying.

As much as I found her constant stickiness to be annoying as I didn’t return her affections, I didn’t hate her. She may be an idiot, and she may be overly sticky, but she had a good heart. Out of everyone on this peak, she treated me the best, and she only wanted the best for her. You could say she was my only friend on this peak, and I’d hate for her to die in some unnatural way.

“Luo Binghe! You…” Ming Fan seethed, but he couldn’t finish his sentence when an elegant motion from Shizun stole both our attention. Shizun’s sleeve waved, exploding the teacup that was sitting on the writing desk.

My entire body broke into shivers and I felt weak at the knees. Today is the day I die, but please, at least let me see that Ning Yingying is safe! I avoided my gaze to stare at the ground, wanting to escape from the anger that was emanating from Shizun’s face.

“Since things have already happened, there is no longer any use for words. Luo Binghe, you’ll be coming with me. Ming Fan, you bring your fellow apprentice-brothers to ask the Chen Family for their assistance in searching for your apprentice-sister. We will return her safely.” He spoke so resolutely with a commanding voice.

I dare not think he added the last part to soothe my panicked feelings. I knew that Shizun had a particular care for the apprentice-sisters, so that had to be his consideration of not wishing to lose a ‘flower’ of his peak.

My head continued to hang low as I dreaded the worst. I am quite used to receiving a beating, and as much as the system told me I had a Golden Halo that protected my life, I truly didn’t believe I could live to see another day because of how I lost Ning Yingying.

“This matter is all of this disciple’s fault. If Shizun wishes to punish me, this disciple has no regrets. This disciple only wishes to be able to help find apprentice-sister Ning Yingying and bring her back safely. Afterwards, even my life can be given to Shizun.”

Please… please let me see her safe. Aside from my mother, she’s the only one who treated me with genuine kindness. It’s such a shame, if I was straight, I’m sure I would have held feelings for her… but I’m gay. I just can’t see her that way, no matter how hard I could try. Keyword being ‘could’ because there’s no way I would try.

I know my preferences very well, thank you.

“Come over. Bring me to the last place you’ve seen your apprentice-sister.” Shizun’s cold voice spoke and I nodded my head slowly, hastily moving out the door to lead the way. The quicker I lead the way, the sooner we can find Ning Yingying!

I stopped when I reached the location I lost her, and I turned to Shizun to see he stood there with his eyes closed. I didn’t know what he was doing, but I could only guess he was trying to feel for any traces of anything suspicious—like evil energy.

Slowly he started walking with his eyes still closed and I trotted after him like a duckling, with anticipation growing in my chest. Ning Yingying, just wait! We’ll come and save you!

With every step we took, my confidence in finding her grew—until we stopped at a rouge shop.

“…”

“…”

A rouge shop?

“Could it be that the murderer isn’t hidden in this shop, but that they’ve visited this establishment before? Entering a rouge shop… a woman?” I heard Shizun murmur to himself.

An idea hit me.

Hey, system. Since this scene isn’t shown to the readers, it won’t be an issue to change some things, right?

[System: That is correct. As long as the changes are reasonable, the system will not punish the protagonist. What do you seek to change?]

I bit at my lower lip as I thought about this. I’m sure this mystery was going to be more contrived than I was willing to waste my time on.

Is it possible to make this mystery easier to solve?

[System: It is possible. Will you like to pay 100 points to activate Easy mode?]

YES!

After a couple of seconds, we could feel a strong evil energy! It raised goosebumps all along my back.

H-hey, isn’t that too much? That’s way too easy. That’s like kindergarten level easy.

We both proceeded towards the evil energy, and after about 500 steps, the path we were following deviated sharply from the city area and then we arrived at an abandoned and deserted house.

There is a pale lantern of the poor, dilapidated front date. It’s a haunted house, for sure. Something that you can find demons in.

See? I called it. The skinner had to be a demon. Shizun turned towards me who had been following him silently up until this point. I was hoping that if I avoided his attention, he wouldn’t send me away, but it seems like he finally remembered about my existence.

“Return to the Chen estate. Contact Ming Fan and tell him to bring all the sutras with him and lead all your apprentice-brothers to come here together.” He gave this order.

I was about to answer, but I saw an ominous shadow appear from behind Shizun. IT’S THE SKINNER! The only reaction I was able to make was the shrinking of my pupils and recognizing that my heart skipped a beat.

A gust of yin wind blew and the front gates slammed open. The Skinner attacked Shizun! That’s the last thing I saw before I too, was knocked out.

“A-Luo… A-Luo, wake up. You’re … -ring me. Are you okay?” A whimpering voice beside my ear sounded, but it kept cutting out as I was struggling to keep my focus together.

I recognize that voice! I shook the sleep away from my head and—NING YINGYING! She’s still alive! Thank goodness! I almost wanted to cry—but no good protagonist cries so easily.

My tears aren’t cheap.

“You’re awake! Thank goodness! I was so worried you’d never open your eyes again! Now… there’s… only…” Ning Yingying’s once ecstatic reaction turned very timid and flustered. That wasn’t a reaction I was familiar with.

Following her line of eyesight, I saw--!!!! THE MOST UNBELIEVABLE SIGHT!

SHIZUN. WAS. STRIPPED. BARE!

SHIT, HE’S AWAKE!

In my panic, I turned to look away, flushing a deep red.

I’M GOING TO DIE, I’M GOING TO DIE! HE’S GOING TO MURDER ME IN COLD BLOOD. HE WILL RID OF ANY AND ALL EVIDENCE OF THIS BLACK STAIN ON HIS REPUTATION!

AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU, YOU SHITTY-ASS SYSTEM!

EASY MODE, MY ASS! WHAT USE IS AN EASY MODE IF IT RESULTS IN TRIGGERING MY DEATH FLAG!?

I quickly turned my gaze away from Shizun who was still unconscious.

“I feel so bad for Shizun…” Ning Yingying whispered quietly under her breath.

Feel bad for Shizun? Feel bad for ourselves! He’ll kill us to keep his honor intact, I’m sure of it! You’re such an idiot, Ning Yingying!

Shizun was tied up with his top half stripped bare. He still had his pants and his boots on, thank goodness.

No, I won’t admit that I took the time to admire his pristine white skin.

“Shizun, you’ve finally woken up. Yingying is very scared…” She whimpered pathetically. Is this… a ploy to trigger his protective feelings towards you?

[System: Ning Yingying has chosen to summon tears to curb Shen Qingqiu’s anger. +20 crafty points]

What a sly fox! Good job, Ning Yingying! Honestly, I’m in awe.

A burst of weird laughter came from behind Shizun.

“Cang Qiong Mountain Sect’s great and lofty expert is nothing great, it seems. The world’s number one big sect, the Cang Qiong Mountain sect is only at this standard. This means the Demon Realm’s rise is just around the corner.” The voice from before burst into loud laughter once more.

The person was covered entirely in black veils, with a coarse voice that was unpleasant to hear.

“The Skinner?”

“Hehe~ The famous Xiu Ya sword has fallen into my hands, I’m so happy! Shen Qingqiu, oh Shen Qingqiu, even if you break open your head, you won’t be able to guess who I am!” This demon seemed so sure of themselves, even I could guess who they were. Even without the use of the easy mode.

“What’s so hard to guess?”

“…”

“You are Butterfly.”

I nodded my head in tandem to his conjecture. As expected from the intelligent Shizun. You’ve come to the right conclusion. Let’s ignore the Ning Yingying who is looking very confused next to me.

“Impossible! How could you guess my identity correctly!” She cast aside the black veils and demanded to know irritably. How couldn’t you know?

Even if I don’t care for women, I’m not blind enough to not tell you are a woman by your silhouette. Look at the décor of this place. This isn’t something you can find in any random place. If we’re going by classic novel tropes, the culprit is always who you least suspect—the next ‘victim’ to be. Knowing that this world is a part of a novel made it easy to guess that it had to be you.

I’m not sure what information Shizun had, but I’m sure his reasoning is unfathomable to the rest of us, and he deemed us too unworthy to impart his great wisdom, so he didn’t open his mouth.

Butterfly gave up on waiting. “The Skinner is untraceable not because I have an exceedingly high ability, but it’s because I always switched skins after killing someone. By wearing the skins of those women and imitating their behavior, I was able to pass unnoticed in the confusion of the search for the next target.”

“That’s wrong.”

Huh? What’s wrong, Shizun?

“Where is it wrong?”

“Even if you switched skins after you killed someone every time, for example, after killing butterfly—you don her skin, you become ‘Butterfly’ but there is still her skinned body left over. Won’t someone find it strange if there are two?”

!!!

He couldn’t be referring to DNA analysis, could he? I thought of it myself, so maybe that’s why I’m so sensitive to his words… but…it couldn’t be?

Call me crazy, but… Shizun shouldn’t be able to have his mindset, right? For me, someone from the modern era, we have such a thing as DNA analysis, but the Shizun of this world shouldn’t have knowledge of such a thing, right?

It’s possible he has some magical method as a peak lord… but this is too weird. If I’ve transmigrated into the novel, what’s to say another person couldn’t migrate over as well?

Let me guess, you won’t let me know?

[System: Correct. The system cannot let you know if another person is a transmigrator like yourself.]

Figures.

It’s not a problem if I figure it out on my own right? Will you stop me from testing him?

[System: The system has no power to stop you from making your own conjectures about Shen Qingqiu.]

Perfect.

If he’s another transmigrator like me, maybe we can come to an understanding. If he’s another transmigrator, I can tell him, right?

[System: Answer, that is false. You are the protagonist and the readers are following your moves constantly. Any scene you are with Shen Qingqiu are regarded with high importance due to the bullying aspect. Therefore, you will be unable to tell Shen Qingqiu without letting the readers know of the truth. IF you found Shen Qinqiu to be another transmigrator, you must keep your silence.]

You really like to kick me down, don’t you? Just when I thought I found myself an ally, you kick me down.

A/N: Fufu yes, both of them asked for Easy mode, which means it’s SUPER EASY MODE. lol

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[pappycat89]

So, talking about early life and some of the things that im pretty sure fucked me up for adult life. under a cut cos boy will it be long and poorly written *finger guns*

i was gonna do this as like a timeline of things that happened, with explanations and shit, but instead im just gonna do a highlight reel, cos why not

My brother and i used to share a room for years, including when my younger brother and sister were born, grew up, and then got their own rooms while luke and i had to share a room into our teens. we fought, a lot, because we were kids and also stupid

when we were sharing a room it would become a huge mess, mostly because we were preteens and why would we put away the toys we were always playing with? anyways, our stepdad would often give us an hour to clean our rooms, which would have been plenty of time if we didnt get distracted by out toys, as kids do. if we didnt get it cleaned in time (which we pretty much never did) we would get flogged. not like a gentle smack to enforce we’d done something wrong (like how you might smack a friends arm when they say something wrong or offensive) but full on belting, often with some kind of tool. he broke a couple duster over our backsides. we would sob for ages afterwards, and often rush around or hide when we heard him coming because we were afraid

i was afraid of him physically hurting me even after i was an adult. i think i was 20 before i had had enough and decided if he ever touched me again i’d fight back. when i was 16 i wanted my eyebrow pierced. he told me if i ever did he would tear it from my face. i got it done when i moved out at 19, and had a panic attack the first time i had to go home because i was 100% convinced he would. my mum had to pull me aside after dinner to tell me he wouldn’t, but to be honest i didnt really believe her

i have two younger step siblings, who were treated as angels, while my brother and i were treated like shit constantly. When my step-brother threw a tantrum and threatened my brother and me with a knife, he got a ‘talking to’, but not before my brother and me were screamed at for being shitty brothers (his temper tantrum was because we kept telling him he had to clean his room before our parents got him. he never did clean it)

once, my step brother was given 3 days to clean his room. days after the deadline, my mum told put her foot down. My girlfirend and i (i had moved out at this point) were visiting and helping get the place ready for xmas. My step brother refused to clean, screamed at me when i reminded him he only had today to do it, literally went crying to mum when she got home from work. I got yelled at,, by both mum and my step dad, until my grilfriend stepped in to defend me. apparently my step brother had told them i hit him, yelled at him and locked him in his room. at this point in my life, i literally couldnt give a shit whether he cleaned his room or not as i didnt live there, so all i did was remind him and let it go

for a few months when i was 18 i worked with my stepdad at a steel mill (the pay was almost worth deal with his bullshit). i had made plans a week in advance to go out with friends, and asked my stepdad multiple times to warn me in advance if i had to work the next day. the day of going out came, i told him that if i had to work to let me know by 10pm, because i would have enough time to come home and be functional for work. He never got in contact, so i stayed out all night and crashed at a friends place. 5am comes around and i get an angry phone call from my mum. my stepdad was pissed that i was out and wasnt ready for work. She knew that i had asked to be told by 10pm, but they both had ‘forgot’, and it was my fault, because i should have come home anyway. this was not the last time they would forget to tell me my shifts (my stepdad literally gave everyone their shifts, he had no excuse). i ended up getting picked up and dragged to work (i was too afraid of him to say no at this point) and went to work very hungover, which was very dangerous at a steel mill, but i was so afraid of him beating me that i put up with it

During my preteens i was part of an athletics club. i liked it, and enjoyed the field events far more then the track events. i hated running, because i would get really bad shin splints. no one believed me, and mum thought i was just lazy. i got into the regional championships for discus and high jump, and state for javelin. everyone was excited for me to go, but when i didnt place no one talked about it again. i felt so guilty over failing i stopped trying as hard. i did well at the weekly events, but never well enough to compete again.

i played soccer for years until mum got a weekend job and couldnt take us. my teammates thought i was useless and would never let me have the ball. one day, when we were short people, i got placed as a forward. i kept up with the others, and even scored a few goals. i got cheered for that game, and finally thought i would be accepted and make friends, but then the next week was back on the bench

similar happened when is started playing basketball instead of soccer (it ran on weeknights instead of weekends). i almost gave up until one of my teammates pulled me aside and actually tested me. when he found i could play, he started including me in games, passing to me and teaching me better techniques. i crushed on him so hard before i even knew what that meant. i never saw him again after that season, so when the next season came with an almost all new team, mixed with the emotional strain of school, i gave up on sports

school was very hard for me growing up. i got bullied alot through both primary and high school (even university, but by that point it didnt bother me as much)

i was a very sensitive child. i would cry whenever i felt too much of any emotion, including happiness. People told me for years to ‘suck it up’, to stop crying, or better, that they’d ‘give me something to cry about’. this lead to me bottling my emotions and literally beating myself whenever i would cry that i physically couldnt shed a tear for over a decade.

i felt so disconnected from everyone in my life that when i was around 12 i decided to try to kill myself. being a stupid kid i thought i could hold my breath until i died. i tried 3 times over about 6 months. it never clicked that it wouldnt work, i just became more scared of death then i did of my bullies.

i ran away from school twice in the same year. the first time one of my bullies set off a cap gun next to me, then started yelling about how i did it. i was so afraid of getting in trouble, not just by my teacher, but by my parents that i just ran. i ended up coming back to the school 30 mins later, after both my parents and the police had been called. no one wanted to hear why i had done it, they just wanted to be angry that i left school grounds.

i dont remember why i did it the second time, but i was gone maybe 5 mins before i came back, fearing not only my parents but the police this time. i knew i would be in worse trouble, but i just couldnt be in the school anymore.

one time, when we had a sex education class, i explained to a ‘friend’ that i didnt like talking about this stuff, cos it made me feel weird (not in a sexual way, but like, grossed out weird) he told everyone i got an erection in class, and people called me boner boy for months. that was actually not long before i tried to commit suicide for the first time

i thought things would be better in high school because i went to a different school then everyone i knew (i missed my friends, but i figured id get a new start). instead i got bullied from day one. the jockish kids in my class saw i was an easy target because at this point i still cried at the drop of a hat. some of those bullies from day one bullied me all the way through to senior year.

as i hit puberty i stopped being so emotional (well, i bottle it up more) and instead became angry at everything. i would lash out at everyone, and when i couldnt lash out at people i hit things. i split my knuckles on walls and doors many times

once, in the library, one of my bullies stole my wallet. he took all the money out, then threw the empty wallet at me and laughed. i snapped and threw the chair i was sitting on at him. i missed, but he dropped the money. i got sent to the vice principals office, where i explained what happened. he called in the other boy, who denied it all. no one else had seen, so i got in trouble and he got off

it was in highschool that i learnt that pain could help clear the bad feelings from my head, and started to self harm. i hated the feeling of cutting, so i burned myself, or scratched mosquito bites and small cuts until that got so bad they would scar

i used to try really hard in to be a good student in high school. i was in the ‘gifted and talented’ classes in primary school, so whenever i didnt do well (i never failed, just was never top of my class) i got told i had ‘so much potential’. no one ever saw the effort i did put in. When the school sent a letter home one time to congratulate me on getting the second top score in a test, i heard nothing of it. i found the letter a few weeks after it had been sent, opened. neither my mum nor stepdad had said anything about it. soon after i decided there was no point in trying if people only ever cared when i failed

i got into a fist fight one day at school. they didnt call my folks, so my mum found out when i got home with a black eye. we got into a fight about it, because i didnt want to talk to her about what happened. when confronted i broke down, and told her that i wanted to die. she yelled at me about being selfish while smacking me across the face multiple times. i decided not to talk to her about how i felt anymore, because i couldnt understand how you could beat someone who just said they wanted to die. to this day everytime i try to talk to her about any serious emotional stuff i start to break down and just cant do it

i to bullied about being gay for so many years that when i started to have feelings for other men i buried them and tried not to think about it. i spent years being scared that i might be gay, worried about what would happen to me if i was. When i started to think about my gender ( i didnt understand gender at the time) and how i wished i had been born a woman, i buried that and just assumed it was puberty hormones fucking with me. i still cant think about it without almost having an anxiety attack. i have so many years of self hatred, of poor body images and of people telling me i was ugly/fat/gross that i cant see myself as anything but

i finally calmed down emotionally around 17/18. senior year. at this point i tried my best to ignore my bullies and the voices in my head. i just wanted school to end so i could run away somewhere. i wanted to go to university to study forensic science. i had two different teachers tell me i wasnt smart enough, and that i would never get into uni. i ended up failing my HSC and having to do a bridging course to get into uni. the course was so good, in both how they taught in the environment (it was held at the univeristy) that i more then doubled my ATAR and got accepted into the two top forensic science courses (in hindsight i chose the worse of the two, but i didnt know at the time)

university was mixed years. i made some amazing friends and learnt some great stuff, but also had to deal with some absolute dickheads. It was a small country town where the only things to do outside study was to drink and play football. id given up on playing sports years before hand, and 9 out of 10 of the football players were super racist and homophobic. One of them raped a friend of mine and the university defended him. thats when my friends and i decided we had to leave campus. add to that that i found out at the end of my third year i had been doing the wrong course for the job i wanted, i quit uni and left

TL:DR - theres a lot of shit that fucked me up, but typing it all out i cant tell if it actually fucked me up or if im just whining about normal shit. ahh well. better to get it out then keep it in

Tune in next time folks! Same Bat-time! same Bat-channel!

[trashyfanficcutouts]

CRINGE ALERT

[ One of my first finished fanfics... A terrible creepypasta fanfic from early 2016. Literally cried when I found this. It’s SOOOO bad! Everything about this is so bad, but I’m pretty sure it could be saved... not that I’m going to. Only sharing this to laugh at past me, that silly little idiot <3 

AHEM! May I present to the poor soul who has stumbled across this... 

“Griefer In The System”  (Except the title has nothing to do with the story and it was written by a young edgy pre-teen who wanted edgy romance.)

word count: 16,274 ]

Ben'S DEATH

Ben was just your average kid who loved video games, Legend of Zelda more specifically. His dad was a heavy drinker but it was never a real problem. When BEN got Legend of Zelda Majora's Mask he was so excited, he had wanted this game for a over a month now. As soon as he got it he rushed to his room and put it in his N64, he played it all night. He loved to be alone in his room, he did not have many friends but he did have many bullies. As he got further into the game he began to play it more, more than he should have. His dad was getting concerned about the time his son was spending on that game of his. He had made lots of plans for cool places they could go, but the plans never got carried out. Days went by and BEN was getting further into his game, to the final dungeon and more importantly the final boss. Yet in a way he didn't want to beat the game because his fun would end and he would go back to being the depressed little kid he was before. Although he knew that he could replay the game but it wouldn't be the same, It's never the same the second time you play it. All the wonder and difficulty it had the first time would be gone. BEN got to the stone tower temple on the final day, he then saved the game and went to bed. The next day his dad had a surprise that BEN would probably like. They were going to a local lake that usually had no people there. BEN did not get the choice to stay home, if he had stayed home he would have beaten the game. He would have lived. Almost as soon as they got to the lake his dad pulled out some beer. BEN hated it when his dad drank but he always found a way to deal with it. He sat on the until the heat finally got to him. BEN ran and jumped into the refreshing water, but he splashed his now drunk dad which was a horrible mistake. BEN's dad stood up clearly angry. "YOU SHOULDN'T OF DONE THAT!" he yelled. He began to chase after BEN, he grabbed him and slammed him in the water. BEN was not going without a fight, He quickly grabbed his dad's arm and twisted it making him let go. BEN bursted to the surface gasping for air, he began to swim farther into the lake till the water was deep enough to go over his head. Suddenly something blunt hit him in the head. He started sinking to the bottom of the lake, Somehow a shattering beer bottle to the head paralyzed him. Everything began to fade into darkness. But before it did the happy mask salesman popped into his head saying the familiar words "You've met with a terrible fate haven't you BEN?" That's when everything went dark and he ran out of breath.

Griefer or Bastard was in his room playing his Nintendo 64 he was playing Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. The very first game he'd owned he's replayed the game about 50 times and has always found something new that he hasn't discovered before. He had gotten the game by accident. He'd been looking in his deceased grandfather's attic where the creepy stuff were. He'd found an old box and picked it up because it just seemed to be calling him. It was an odd thing, at first he had been frightened but then he gathered up as much courage as a five year old could and saw that it was only a couple of old games and took them out of the attic to see them properly. His mother asked where he found the box and he told her in the attic. She gasped and looked frightened for a moment but then she said 'put the box back where you found it.' Of course has didn't want to and argued with her saying 'I promise I will take care of the games. Please mom.' He said giving her the big kitty eyes that always won. After a moment's hesitation she said 'fine but you have to wear this.' She gave him a chain with a time stopper that had a teardrop in it that held real water. His mother explained that when he played his games or anything  that got too intense his power would be unleashed. He could see the dead or undead. 

His powers weren't supposed to show up until he turned fifteen but he was an early one. Too early. His powers were contained in the teardrop.   He was a master of time itself. 

Bas nodded. After that she looks relieved and smiled at him.

Bas looked at the time and yelled, "SHIT IMMA BE LATE!!!" He hadn't even gotten dressed but that didn't matter at the moment so he decided to put on some random shorts on and left his kawaii anime shirt that he'd fallen asleep with on. Then he did his daily routine fast and swung his LOZ one strap backpack over his shoulder and rushed out the door forgetting to do his hair. He thankfully arrived at the bus stop and sighed. James glared at him and said "Look what the cat dragged in." Bas just sighed and said, "What do you want." "I want you." Bas looked at him without emotion and said, "You know what screw you cause I don't want you. You freaking asshole." With that said the bus pulled up and he walked to fourth seat his favorite seat. No one sat there because they were afraid of messing with him because the last time someone took his seat he did something bad.

James looked at him as he walks by and winked at him. Griefer just looked away. 

Everyone knew that Griefer was LGBT he came out on his 8th birthday and was proud of who he was. 

Even though some people picked on him he didn't mind it when they called him terrible names. His father pretended to support him even though his mother tried hiring a stripper to get him to like girls but he ran away. His mother tried to make him act like someone he wasn't but he just couldn't take it anymore and ran away from home for the second time. After that his father found him and his mother beat him over and over again just because of who he was. His mother was ordered to never see him again, she was put in jail for 5 years this happened when he was super young around 7 he was now 12 it's been 5 years she was out there looking for him. Somewhere. It was a good thing they'd moved last year. But anyways back to school... I was walking on the school grounds with my close best friend, Glitcher. He was the best gamer around and even made several awesome topnotch games with the best graphics ever. I was kinda jealous of him because he usually got all the girls and guys or whatever. They like him because he was just that likeable. I even had a crush on him. But I knew that he wouldn't be my friend anymore if I said I liked him. But oh well. I needed to get to class now. I rushed to my class. As I rushed I felt someone staring at me. I turned my head and saw that it was Glitcher. He waved at me. I waved back and continued walking to my class. Which had to be ELA I hated that class the teacher always gave me a hard time and one time she went too far and I had a panic attack. It was terrible. After two hours of James being an asshole to me the bell finally rang and like always I was the first one out. I met up with Glitcher and we hung out and talked about the latest games. Then his current girlfriend walked towards us she was hot I had to admit. "So did you bring my stuff Glitchy. Or did you forget it again." She asked in a very bitchy tone. I frowned she shouldn't be talking to Glitcher like that no one should. I glared at her and then Glitcher said, " Of course Maddie I have your stuff." After she left I asked, "Why do you let her treat you like that?" "Why do you say that?" I sighed he could be so naive sometimes but I didn't say anything 'if only you knew' "Knew what?!?" Oops I guess I said that aloud. "Nothing." "Tell me." "No cuz then you'll make fun of me and won't be my friend." "I will always be your friend no matter what!!" I sighed and he knew that I was about to tell him something very important but really I was just good at lying. "I have a super awesome game that I've never told you about." This was true but it wasn't what I was supposed to tell him. "What! why didn't you tell me." "I dunno." After school we went home he dragged me by the arm and I smiled slightly by him touching me. When he looked back he asked what's wrong. I just smiled and said nothing.

We soon entered the house he wanted to see the game and console. I took him to see it and he looked so awed by it I laughed and asked him what he wanted to play. He said he wants to play Donkey Kong. Of course he would want to play the first game for this type of console. I smiled at him and dug in the box for it and put the cartridge in. We waited for it to load and played for over 5 hours writing down notes and some ways to cheat the game. "Wanna play LOZ." "Sorry I should've been home a long time ago maybe next time. Then we can beat the game 5 billion times. Hahaha." I smiled at his laugh and said "OK." When he left I decided to play LOZ by myself. I put in the cartridge and saw  one file titled BEN and saw all the achievements and I felt bad that they never did finish the game. Maybe this BEN person was also disappointed that they never finished or maybe the game was glitched. "It doesn't matter let's find out" I said speaking to myself. I made my own file titled GRIEFER because I would feel like crap if I deleted someone's hard work. I started playing the game and soon encountered some glitches like the game confusing me and BEN. I didn't really mind though. The occasional mix up was alright with me. Then I got to the part where the statue was following me around. "Ok ....sure this is kinda weird. Oh well... Imma go to sleep game so see ya when I wake up... Griefer needs recharge." Again I was talking to myself. "Damn I must be going crazy... Oh well."

I woke up in the morning extra late so of course I had to be late for class. I knew I was getting a beating tonight... Oh well. I mentally prepared myself since there was no point in going to school anyways. I would just ruin someone's day. I turned on the console and started playing where I left off. This time it was just a blank screen with the text YOU'VE MET WITH A TERRIBLE FATE, HAVEN'T YOU... "I guess so .... I mean I'm gonna get a beating tonight so yeah I guess you could put it that way... This game is so awesome... Dammit!!! I'm talking to myself AGAIN dammit!!!" When I finished being smart with the game another text appeared this one said THIS IS REAL YOU ARE NOT GOING CRAZY BUT YOU'LL WISH YOU WERE WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU... "Ok." I said, "That's cool. I always wonder what it felt like to be killed. But can you please grant me the wish of choosing the way I die..." UMMM.... OK "Cool. I want to die by drowning." WHY? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO I AM? ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME!?!?! "What?!?! No!! I just always wanted to drown I mean I have thought of awesome ways to drown myself." YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT!!! "Done what??? I'm so confused. Also what's your name." BEN DROWNED IS MY NAME... WHAT'S YOURS... "Cool my name is .... Griefer or Bastard... I know it sounds fake but it's just Bas..." I said trying not to think about how suckish my life was. Too late I was crying. "DAMMIT GRIEF WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH A WUSSY... WHY..." Then out of nowhere… 

A person who look like someone from a game I played along time ago appeared on the screen but with bloody eyes and looked at me and said "Would you like me to end your suffering..." I looked at him and said, "No matter what you did you couldn't end my suffering no matter what... I'm sorry but can you go my dad's gonna be home soon. I don't want him to find you here." He stared at me and said, " OK.. I'll go only for you but if I see something going on I will reveal myself..." "Ok." An hour later of me doing my homework and cleaning the house. Dad came home drunk and angry. "I HEARD YOU DIDN'T GO TO SCHOOL TODAY BASTARD!!!" I flinched at the sound and murmured "yeah so what." He must have heard me because he came pounding on the stairs. He knocked down my door and slapped me. "NEVER SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT AGAIN... UNDERSTAND!!!" He yelled in my face. Again he slapped me and then punched me in the gut saying I shouldn't even be alive and that my mother should have had an abortion. I only smiled at him and said "Well mom should have known you raped my sister and that's why she died." He glared at me, “Well I'll give you the a reason to die.” He pulled held my neck tightly to the point where no breath could come out when BEN couldn't take it anymore and said YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT... My dad looked at him and said "Who the hell are you!!" YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE... When he said that he murdered my dad saying YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT... DUMBARSE... He then turned to me I looked down embarrassed of what just happened. He just asked me ARE YOU OK... I said yes I wasn't hurt. I'M GLAD...

After that day I stayed away from people even Glitcher I felt really bad. I was now with the only family i had left and hadn't seen BEN since that day. I kinda felt lost I just wanted to talk with someone. But I was ignoring everything even the teachers and the bullies made fun of me for losing my dad. "I bet you he's going to kill himself." Ashton said, a girl I really hated. She was just so rude. I glared at her. She smirked,  "What it's not like anyone's going to miss you." "I will." Dammit James just had to say that ugh I give up. "What do you want James." "I already told you before what I wanted. It's you." I didn't say anything but walked away from him and kept thought why does he keep bugging me sure I'm only 5'3 but That's no reason to pick on me. I mean he was already 6'4. Dammit James just leave me alone. James was following me again. I should really get a restraining order. "Ugh. Just leave me alone James." "Not until you're mine." "Know what I give up. Fine I'm yours now what. Huh." I said in a sassy tone. He smirked at me and said, "Took you long enough." I rolled my eyes at him. He put an arm around my waist and smiled kissing me on the cheek. Girls around us all shrieked and fangirled. They started whispering about us soon it reached the entire school and the last person it reached was Glitcher. He came up to me at lunch time looking like he was going to cry and said, "I need to talk to you about the game... Please." I looked at him and said, "ok." As I was gonna get up James pulled me back down and said, "You are mine... Remember." I just looked at him and said, "Whatever... He's my friend and I'm going with him or I'll end this." He looked at me and said, "Fine." He said glaring at Glitcher. We walked in comfortable silence until we reached our spot. He said, "ok the real reason I called you out is because i wanted to know why you've been ignoring me and why you are dating James. I mean it's cool if you're gay but why James... Just why..." But by this point he was a sobbing mess. I hugged him and said, "I'm so sorry, Glitcher. I didn't know." "I've been avoiding you because of something that happened on the day my dad died. I just couldn't handle people I needed time alone. And as to why I'm with James it's because.... I've given up on my crush ever liking me. They are too outta my league." I said close to tears myself. " I don't care... See the thing is .... I.... I .... ILOVEYOU...  I just can't handle seeing you with another person... I just can't." Then I woke up. Dammit it was just a dream why couldn't it have been real at least the part where he confessed to me. Ughhhhhh. I looked around my room, I had move in with my gran. She had decided to move all my old stuff from my old room to the new three story house. I was kinda happy that we left the old house. It held too many bad memories. My Gran also decided to homeschool me. I would be getting home schooled by the end of this last week. I was glad cause of that now I wouldn't get bullied. But the bad thing was that I wouldn't see Glitcher as much. "Well I will always have my games. I think... Unless Gran decides to punish me..." Oh well it didn't matter right now all that matters right now is my games. I got up and went to the console and plugged it in and turned it on. The first thing I saw was BEN he smiled at me and asked ARE YOU OK I thought about the question and said, "Sure I'm ok." WHERE ARE WE "Well a lot has happened and I moved in with my Gran she let me keep my games. Isn't that cool. Well there's a rule as long as I got to sleep before 1:00 then I'm good." WHAT ABOUT SCHOOL... "I'm getting homeschooled. Isn't that great." DON'T YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS "Do you think I don't?" WELL MOST GAMERS DON'T HAVE MANY FRIENDS AND SOME ARE JUST INTROVERTS... "I am mostly an introvert but I do have a couple friends." HMMM... WHO'S YOUR FRIEND... "His name is Glitcher... He's so awesome he helps me program my games. He is also the star athlete at our school even if he doesn't always have time for me because he's always with one of his girlfriend- I'm sorry I was talking too much.. I'm so sorry. " NO, NO IT'S FINE I LOVE YOUR VOICE... CONTINUE... I blushed and said "No now it's just awkward. Hehe but you seem really cool. I wonder- never mind..”

YOU WONDER WHAT "I said never mind." YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE AFRAID OF ME WHY WEREN'T YOU AFRAID OF ME WHEN I FIRST APPEARED "Because I thought you were one of them but now I know that you're not or am I just hallucinating... Hmmmm" DUMBARSE "Wow rude much." WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE AFRAID OF ME YOU KNOW WHAT NEVER MIND "Imma go to sleep." I said angrily. OK ... I'M SORRY "It's ok... I was being rude." With that said I got under the covers and slowly fell asleep with my music blasting through my headphones. I tossed and turned in my sleep.

I watched the kid toss and turn and finally I couldn't take it anymore. I came out of the TV and decided that I would go over to him and try to comfort him in his sleep. I guess I succeeded as the kid soon stopped tossing and turning. After a while I was going to go back into the game when he put his arms around me tightly and cuddled up next to me. I smiled even though I knew this wasn't supposed to happen. I pulled one of the many pillows the kid had and put one in my place and went back into the game. The next morning I saw the kid pick up a different game it was Call of Duty the latest one. He was about to put it in when he asked "Are you still going to be here if I change the game?" YES I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE "Umm that doesn't sound creepy at all..." Then he went ahead and put in the game. "Damn it!!! It's glitched... Hehehehe. Damn I'm stupid." LOL YES YOU ARE... "That's it I will defeat you!" NO!!!! "You crazy BAStard." Then he smiled at me. I laughed at his stupidity. He is a weirdly odd kid that I like to hang out with. WAIT WHAT!!! I DON'T LIKE TO HANG OUT WITH HIM HE'S JUST ANOTHER VICTIM... I THINK I started thinking and didn't realize he was talking to me until he yelled "DAMMIT PIZZA NUGGETS WITH NO FUCKS TO GIVE!!" I started laughing. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT "It was me trying to get your attention... I guess it worked." Wow. He sure was a weirdo. I looked back at him and smiled even though he couldn't see me. I wonder if he considers me his friend. "I do consider you my friend. Why do you ask?" HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS THINKING THAT... "I didn't. You just told me." DAMMIT GIVE ME A STRAIGHT ANSWER... "Pfft like I'm straight." OH... UMMM... OKIE... "Ye." UGH... YOU'RE WEIRD... "I know." WELL THEN... WHAT NOW YOU BEAT THE GAME... "YE." REALLY WHAT'S WITH 'YE'... HMMMMMM..... "It means YE..." DAMN YOU... "Serry..."

The next day I was being chased by James. Damn him... Ugh. Soon I got tired and decided I had to run home as fast as I could. When I got home which took about 30 minutes of me running nonstop. I finally arrived. My Gran slapped me even though she was supposed to be the nice one. Hahah I guess she turned bad or not I guess she was always secretly bad and didn't accept me. Oh well... She then slapped me again. "Why are you home so early you fag!" "It was a short day, Gran I'm sorry I didn't tell you." "LIAR!!" She yelled at me and punched me in the gut so hard that blood spewed out of my mouth. Damn her. Why does she do this. Ugh. I guess I just have to feel with the pain alone. Like always. *sigh* "Gran please, I'm sorry, I'm super sorry I- I just- I'm sorry... gran please NOOO-" Gran slapped and kicked me harder than ever before filled with such hatred for me. I just cried curling into a ball.  She didn't care if I was going to live all she cared about was that I was out of her way. I can't believe I trusted her. I can't believe I thought she was going to be there for me. Ugh. Why was I so STUPID. I'M A DUMBASS... WHY... JUST WHY DID I BELIEVE HER... Why... Why did I trust her... Soon it ended with me barely conscious. I soon had to crawl towards the front door I grabbed onto the door handle and pulled myself up I slowly started to clean up the blood and vomit off the ground. Then I slowly made my way up the stairs. I opened my door then locked it. No ones was there I was all alone. "Dammit dude, don't make this as depressing as it is. Jeez, dude." "Fine I'll try but like seriously this is sad I'm all alone... Like always..." "Really dude, you have us..." "Ummm... How about no." I said not really wanting to have them as my friends. "Oh ok then I just won't talk to you for a while. Baiii!!!!!! Stupid." I whispered "Bai nuggets... Why am I talking to myself again... Ughhhh." ITS CUZ UR CRAZY... DUHHHH... "Well that's rude. But it's true." LOL YOU'RE LEARNING SOMETHING... YAY... "Wow... You soooooooo petty... You rude tech." WOW... NOW I'M OFFENDED... "I'm really sorry TECH... hehehe." DID YOU REALLY HAVE TO CALL ME TECH MY NAME IS BEN. DUMMY... "Ye but I'm sorry... Kinda..." OKAY I FORGIVE YOU... KINDA... "Wow you are really petty." NO I'M NOT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT PETTY MEANS. YOU DUMB BUTT. "Ugh." DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK BOI!!! "BAII!!!" I said then walked out grabbing my 3Ds on the way out. the last thing I saw in the screen was 'HEY' then I shut the door and slowly made my way out I had only been in the house for about 5 minutes. I walked out of the house or was already dark out. I soon passed by a dark alley. I was found by someone. I couldn't see properly but I could only remember a white bloody sweater. Then everything turned black... I woke up to seeing the same sweater by me. I was in a nice comfy bed soon the figure started to get up so I closed my eyes trying to think. Why was I here... Oh right I passed out. "Hey you alive." I opened my eyes and nodded. I couldn't see anything cause it was dark in the room. Then a light turned on and I saw a bloody smile and  wide eyes. I didn't freak out or anything but asked, "What happened last night... Did we-" "Hahaha. I wish because damn that booty. Just kidding. But seriously damn I love your body. It's so... Pretty." I laughed and said, "Awesome smile, bro." "Thanks but why weren't you freaked out about me when you first saw me. Everyone is freaked out by me when they first see me." "Well I've seem creepier. No offense." "Nah. Its cool but just wondering how come you have fresh cuts and bruises. Did someone hurt you." "In a way... By the way who are you." "Hehe guess I forgot to introduce myself. Well anyways I'm Jeffery. Jeffery Woods." "No wonder I thought I saw you somewhere." "Really!?! How?" "I have my sources." "Oh you are just like Skinny never giving a straight answer. Hahaha." "Hmm.. I guess so." Hehehe if only he knew my real answer... Wtf is wrong with me. "Anyways you're probably wondering where you are-" "No I know where I'm at. The Killer mansion." "What!! How'd you know?" I just smiled at him and said “Because we're in the middle of nowhere in a forest. Duhhh." "Oh... Well what do you want to eat." "Waffles." I said without missing a beat. "Oh boy. You are so like Toby. I'll go get your waffles. So. Just sit tight." Then he left the room locking it. I could've left the room but I didn't I wanted to show that I was obedient and not make a mess of things like I've done before. The only problem was I could see no bathroom. Dang I need to go badly. What do I do. Dang it. Ugghhhh. That's it imma leave the room I need to go. Badly. I thought while slowly making my way towards the door. Just as I was getting my mind made up. Jeff came back with a plate full of waffles, they could wait I need to go. Jeff could sense something was wrong so he asked, "What's wrong... Wait don't tell me you want them to be made specifically. Cuz I don't tolerate that crap." I shook my head. "I need to go." "You can't leave." "No that's not it I NEED TO GO." I said indicating I was about to burst and piss all over there floor. "Oooooooooh. Sorry. I'll show you where it is but I have to be there with you. Ok." "Fine I don't mind as long as you don't look." "Ok." He showed me the bathroom and I started to unzip my pants and do my business. Of course he had to look. "Dang it Jeff. What'd I tell you. DON'T LOOK. AND WHAT'D YOU DO.. YOU LOOKED." I said giving him a lecture while taking a piss. "Umm sorry. I was just curious." "Curiosity killed the cat." "I'm not a cat." He said huffing.

After the little incident. He kept asking personal questions when we got back into the room. "Can you stop... I don't like personal questions like that. I'm sorry but I can't answer them." "Oh... Yeah I'm sorry it's just that I'm used to asking people questions like that to the other killers. Usually they answer because they are scared of me. It's pretty funny to see them stutter." He then laughed like a maniac. "Oh. You're not such a bad guy after all. In the books I've read they portray you as a big old meanie. I don't know why. You're such a nice guy to hang out with." I laughed. "Really? The other killers don't really like to hang out with me because of my smile.” He sighed,  “they always whisper behind my back telling me that I'm a weirdo or a freak when we are all freaks and crazy. Ughhhh." He had a sad look in his eyes. I wanted to comfort him so I gave him a very big fluffy hug. I felt so bad for him I cried for the first time in front of someone in a million years. I felt so embarrassed and humiliated. "Dammit Jeff why'd you have to be in so much pain. I wish... I wish I could help you but ... I don't know how. Is there anything I could do. Anything." "Well... There is done thing but will you promise to do it." "I dunno what is it." "Sleep with me." He saw the confused look on my face then said, "not sexually, but like just cuddle with me... Please. It would make me happy to know someone was there while I slept." "Oh. If that's the case then of course I'll be your cuddle buddy. Whenever you want I'll be there." I said drying off my tears and smiling happily at him. "Really! Thank you sooooo much. I'm so happy. You don't understand my happiness. Not even my closest friend would help me during the night." "Wow. Then That's not a really good friend." "It's ok cause I understand them." "Oh ok. If you're fine then I'm fine with it." I smiled at him and he smiled back. Then all of a sudden he was leaning in closer. I looked at him confused and he whispered. "You're so innocent. I want to take it away from you." What was he talking about? Then when he was about to close the gap between our faces. I looked away and he planted a blind kiss on my cheek. I slightly turned red. "What was that for?" "Sorry I don't know what overcame me." "It's ok." We spent hours just talking after that I soon got bored and wanted to play my video games. So I asked, "When can I leave. I really want to play my games." "I'm sorry... But you can never leave. I'm sorry but we can't risk you telling people we exist." "It's ok I understand. But can I at least say goodbye to my best friends and fake my death. It would be so awesome. Also I'll get a chance to say by to Tech." "Who's Tech?" "Tech is the little green guy. Hahahaha! Sorry  i had to say that. His name's BEN. My good friend." "Oh no. You don't realize how much danger you're in. That dumb nut. Ugh. He's in so much trouble. Anyways now that you're here... I need you to GO. TO. SLEEP." "Pfft. Hahaha nachos you thought I'd go to sleep but you see i'm already gone." With that being said I disappeared in a cloud of midnight blue smoke. I had been running for the past two hours and haven't stopped for anything. Finally I ran into my hometown. I saw the school and ran towards it. Who knows how long I've been gone. Maybe two days so that would mean it was Monday... Dang it. Oh well. I ran in and went to my first class. Which was with Glitcher. He smiled at me. No doubt he got a new girlfriend again. Jeeze. Soon it was lunch time which was that only time we could talk. "So where have you been. I was worried sick about you." "Sorry I was... I was... Ermmm... I don't know if I can tell you. How about I tell you at my house. So that way he'll get to know who you are." "Who are you talking about. Who's he." "He is my friend.  So I want you to be nice to him." "Is he your boyfriend. Cause if it is then I'm cool with it. You should already know that." "I do know that but I swear he's not my boyfriend. C'mon don't give me that look." We started walking up the hill towards the house and finally got there. 

When we got there he walked inside. He was the only person to make me feel safe that we until.  He shut the door behind me locking it and looked at me with a creepy smile. "So...  You wanna meet HIM. Or not.  Are you OK." "Why didn't you tell me you always had a crush on me. I want to know why you NEVER even thought about telling me. " "H-how d-d-did y-yu-you f-find o-out." "Don't be scared of me.  I feel the same way for you. I always have.  Please be my boyfriend. " I didn't know what to make of this and ended up having a panic attack then everything turned black.  The last thing I saw was worried eyes looking down at me. I came to hours later. I opened my eyes and saw Glitcher looking at me worriedly.  "Are you feeling better... I was so worried for you.  Please I never want anything like this to happen again." "... OK. " "But can you think about my offer earlier.  I will keep asking every week. I don't want to lose you you're my best friend and best friend's that end up together are more likely to stick together forever. " "The problem is how long do I have after what I show you. " I said looking at the floor. "It doesn't matter I'll love you forever into the next life and the next one over and over again ...I'll love you unconditionally. " "Please think about my offer. Griefer." He said going into the kitchen and getting something to drink. I was let with my thoughts for a while.  Why all of a sudden is he jealous..  I mean it thought I'd be the one who would finally lose it after all this time. I mean he is always doing something with a different girl. 

Maybe I should,  I know he's my crush and all but is he really the best option.  Sure he's known as a cheater but the girls love him.  Know what I think I'll give him a chance. Only one chance if he blows it, then it's over. "OK.  Glitcher I've thought about your offer and I've made my decision." "Really!" He said getting excited and running out if the kitchen. "What's your answer." Then as if by magic my grandma came out of the room and said, “I will not support your filthy kind. Not in my house!" She yelled.  I looked at her and said, "Then I'm leaving." "NO. YOUR. NOT!!" as she said that she grabbed me but the neck and pulled me close to her. I knew what she was going to do she was going to try and do.  I didn't want to be beaten in front of my friend. I tried getting away.  But my struggles we're all in vain. Damn her! I need. To. Get. Away!!! "LET. HIM. GO!!" Glitcher yelled slamming a fist into my gran. At that moment it didn't matter if she was a woman. He knocked her down along the way my gran lost her grip on me.  I ran upstairs and shut the door.  I looked at the screen which said WELCOME BACK... I smiled then said. "Sorry BEN. I have to go.  Do you want to come with me. I need to leave so make up your mind quickly. " As soon as I finished talking BEN said OF COURSE I'LL COME WITH YOU... I smiled that he was coming with me.  I took out BEN'S game and put it in my pocket.  I took my 3Ds and other small games that would fit in my pocket or a small bag that I had with me. Of course I had to take my awesome laptop and charger cause I'm not stupid. I then took out all the money I had left and said,  "Yes now time to leave this wretched place."

I ran to the back door and shut it behind me.  I then climbed up the back fence and ran into the woods as fast as I could.  I was glad no one saw me. It was almost too perfect. The silence was too much for me to take so I plugged in my phone and put on some Three Days Grace.  My favorite song was Pain.  I felt a connection with the lyrics. Anyways... I soon had to stop running and leaned against a tree to steady my breath.  I examined the tree and saw an X within a circle.  I smiled. "Ooooooo. I'm soooooo scared.  Ahh there's a spider. Hahahahahaha." I couldn't help but laugh at my own stupidity.  "Dang I'm stupid. Well if you want Skinny you can always kill me I don't care. Besides I have nothing to live for. Nothing at all. Or ya know I could always kill myself.  Hmmm...  Imma do it!! Yaya!" I skipped to the nearest pond.  It was crystal clear. I smiled, "Perfect." I started humming as i took of my small bag and took off my shoes. I put BEN in the bag and made my way towards the pond and sat there for a while contemplating life. "DAMN IT.  I SAID I'D DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE WITH MY LIFE BUT ALL I DID WAS DO NOTHING!!! UGH... oh well. I guess there was nothing for me to do. I had no purpose at all." I sighed "Welp this is the last of me.  Hahahaha." I finally stood up and dived in deep. I grabbed a hold of a root at the bottom and held it tightly. I let all my breath go and smiled. I didn't panic at all.  I just smiled and felt myself losing consciousness.

I WAS CURIOUS AS TO WHAT HE'D DO AND WHAT I SAW SHOCKED ME.  HE WAS GOING TO KILL HIMSELF. I NEEDED TO STOP HIM.  BUT I COULDN'T IF HE DID COMMIT SUICIDE MY JOB WOULD BE OVER AND I WON'T HAVE TO SEE HIM AGAIN.  BUT THEN THAT WOULD MEAN I DON'T GET TO SEE HIS BEAUTIFUL FACE EVER. AND THE LAST MEMORY I'D HAVE OF HIM WAS WHEN HE KILLED HIMSELF. I MADE UP MY MIND I HAVE TO SAVE HIM.  I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO BE PAINFUL BUT I DIDN'T CARE,  NOT WHEN THE LOVE OF MY LIFE WAS GOING TO KILL HIMSELF. THERE WAS A FLASH OF BLUEISH GREEN LIGHT.  THEN I APPEARED I LOOKED LIKE A CHARACTER FROM LOZ. SPECIFICALLY LINK.  BUT I WAS DIFFERENT AROUND THE EYES THERE WAS BLOOD AND MY EYES WERE PITCH BLACK WITH RED IN THE CENTER. I RUSHED FORWARD TO THE LAKE LOSING MY BALANCE SEVERAL TIMES. I HADN'T SEEN THE WORLD LIKE THIS IN SO,  SO MANY YEARS. I HESITATED BY THE LAKE. THE PROBLEM WAS,  WAS THAT I HAD A DEATHLY FEAR OF WATER,  SEE I WAS DROWNED BY SOMEONE IN A LAKE. I DIDN'T WANT TO GO IN BUT I HAD TO SAVE HIM.  I MADE UP MY MIND AND DOVE IN.  THERE WAS A SMALL SPLASH. I SOON FOUND HIS BODY AND GOT HIM AROUND THE WAIST. I PULLED HIM AND SET HIM FREE OF THE THING HE WAS HOLDING. I BROUGHT HIM BACK UP.  HE HAD ALREADY TURNED BLUE. I PUMPED HIS CHEST SO MANY TIMES.  I HAD TO DO MOUTH TO MOUTH. IT WAS THE ONLY OPTION I HAD LEFT. I PINCHED HIS NOSE AND PUMPED OXYGEN THROUGH HIS MOUTH.  MINUTES LATER HE CAME TO.  I SMILED HAPPY.  EVEN THOUGH MY FORM WAS FADING.

I opened my eyes and saw him I saw BEN.  He was flickering.  I said,  "I finally get to see you. " He smiled at me and said,  "I can't stay long. If you want me to stay you'll have to summon me using my name,  the symbol,  and a life of someone you hate... Because that always brings out the love. " As he said this he turned blue in the cheeks. I didn't think anything about it except. 'Wow I didn't know anyone could turn blue like that. ' I realize later that I was soooooo,  soooooo damn naive. I was sooooo STUPID.  ANYWAYS I had to come back to town and I went to school. Like nothing was wrong. I mean I didn't hate James he only got on my nerves.  The person I truly hated so much that I wouldn't hesitate to kill was... Jenna.  I hated her so much that just hearing her name made me want to hurt the closest person near me.  Anyways I had to find another person that I hated.  Which was Elsa damn I hated that cold hearted freak so much. Like just even mentioning her and I got pissed off. Hmmmm that only reminded me to work on my anger management...  Ugh.  Oh well.  I walked up to the one of most popular girls in school,  AKA Elsa. I asked her to meet me in the back of the school because I needed to talk with her.

  I saw Elsa walk to the back of the school I let her come to me.  As soon as she was near me I started flirting with her.  And of course she fell for it and I soon stabbed her in the back.  I took out her heart with one easy swipe. I smiled then cleaned up the mess despising of the body in the trash can it will take a few days for them to find her. I then ran back into the woods and made my way to the lake BEN had disappeared in the game again. I said,  "This is my first time killing someone.  But surprisingly I liked it.  Does that make me bad. If so I don't want to be bad I only wanted to help.  But I don't care anymore... all that matters is that I helped you. " I put the heart by BEN'S game then turned away from him staring at the lake.  I was ashamed of myself for hurting an innocent person but hated that girl so who cares. She should've saw it coming.  Never trust me.  I should warn people. I don't want someone else to get hurt. Or do I.

I soon started crying like a baby. I was mad at myself for hurting an innocent person. I started blaming myself.  No wonder people hate me.  I really am a mental case. I should be in a mental hospital.  I should be dead. If only he had let me die earlier. Ughhhh. GRIEFER ARE YOU OK.. "..." PLEASE ANSWER ME. "..." I'M SORRY GRIEFER...  I REALLY AM... I SHOULDN'T HAVE ASKED THIS OF YOU... "..." PLEASE FORGIVE ME... IM SOOOOOO SOOOOO SORRY... PLEASE YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO BE MAD AT ME...  I'M TERRIBLE...  "... No you are not. I'm mad at myself not you." THERE'S A REASON WHY I WAS STUCK IN THE GAME...  I'M A VERY VERY BAD 'PASTA...  ONE OF THE WORST EVEN JEFF IS AFRAID OF ME...  IT MAKES ME SAD... "You may be bad but you're still my friend...  No matter what happens you'll always be my friend.  Don't say bad things about yourself it will only make you feel worse. So please don't do that to yourself.  If not for yourself but for me or someone you care deeply about." He slightly smiled with tears threatening to spill from his eyes. Then he did the most asked,  "WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW WHAT I DID TI SV CLAIMED THE WORST KILLER IN THE MANSION..." "You lil shit you take pride in being called the worst 'pasta don't you. But to answer your question sure I'd like to know what you did. "

  I saw him running away from me when he saw what I did.  I had murdered a creepypasta it was impossible to kill a creepypasta like so impossible because when you killed them they returned 10 seconds later.  But this time that didn't happen, this time the pasta he killed, Jane,  didn't come back.  He had killed her with his bare hands. Ripping out her heart and gouging out her eyes.  There was blood everywhere. Then someone knocked on the door while he was cutting her open. She should've come back by now.  Then the door opened. There was a scream. There we panic. They called Skinny. He declared her officially dead. He called BEN a freak. He said he was dangerous. No one was to go near him. No one was to anger him. Everyone left him. His best friend left him. No one tried helping him. They all avoided him. Made him feel like he was worthless. He believed all of them. Soon after believing all of them he felt hopeless like no one could save him.  No one cared that he was slowly killing himself by not eating,  by cutting himself. If someone noticed they didn't say anything to help him.  That all whispered he was an attention seeker. That he wanted them all to feel sympathy so that he could kill them later just like he did to Jenna. They had all thought that he liked her that why he was always mean to her.  They thought that he was going to ask her out but that never happened. They were so wrong.  He had killed her out of hatred. He had taken the first chance he'd gotten and stabbed her in the front.  Not back cause that wouldn't have been true friendship just like the song said. One day he woke up in a straight jacket. In a white room. Just white. It nearly drove him crazy seeing all the white. He bit the inside of his cheek and spit out the blood on the walls onto the floor and slowly devoured his own flesh.  No one noticed till the 6th day.  They called him a freak again. It happened again he killed Doctor Smiley. They weren't happy with him anymore. They said he needed to leave.  He didn't want to leave.  They forced him back into the game. They made sure he stayed there unless someone killed the person they hated and smeared the blood on the game. Then he would be freed.  He had been trapped in the game for over two centuries.  No food or water.  Just being passed back and forth by the old man. Person to person.  Hoping that he would be freed by one of them. He was never freed. Until one day he was.

  I had sat still listening to the sad story of how he was bullied and how much he was hurt for being different. No wonder he was surprised by my reaction finding out that there was a virus ghost dude in my game system. He was crying his eyes out making the black liquid leak. I smiled sadly at him then pulled him into a tight hug.  He was surprised and tried to get away but I hugged him tighter and didn't let go until his bobbing ceased. "Are you feeling better." THANK YOU SO, SO, SO VERY MUCH... IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME THAT SOMEONE ACTUALLY CARED ENOUGH TO LISTEN TO ME WHILE I STABBED THEM IN THE BACK... He was right he'd stabbed me without me noticing it I looked down at the knife penetrating my stomach. He then said,  YOU ACTUALLY THOUGHT I'D BE YOUR FRIEND...  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...  YOU LEFT ALL YOU FRIENDS BEHIND...  AND FOR WHAT ABSOLUTELY NO REASON....  MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH... I stared at him happily.  Little did he know I wasn't that easily killable. See my father wasn't actually my father it was some dude named Lucifer.  My mother was never really my mother,  that was my stepmother. I never had a mother. I had three fathers.  I know weird right well...  Anyways my other two fathers are Hisoka and another dude named Axel Jones. He was the only one's last name I knew. I wonder why. At least his name is kinda normal. I will always wonder why they have such weird names. Oh well.  I have to do something more important that talking with you. So imma go back to the story. Anyways as I lost conscience I saw him start to walk away and 2 seconds later I opened my eyes smiling sadistically.  No one and I repeat no one gets away with stabbing me.  I stood up picked up my belongings and chased after that ugly chicken nugget. He seemed very surprised that I was still up and running. HOW..  WAHH...  WAIT HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE...  USUALLY PEOPLE OR 'PASTAS STAY DEAD...  WHAT ARE YOU... I just smiled at him and said,  "I'm officially your new found enemy. Until you apologize for stabbing me,  I won't be your friend. Understood. " SORRY IM VERY SORRY... IT'S JUST THAT I'M NOT USED TO PEOPLE BEING KIND TO ME I THOUGHT THAT YOU WOULD THINK ME A FREAK AND DESPISE ME AFTER I TOLD YOU THE STORY... I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO LIVE WITH THE FACT THAT THERE WAS A PERSON LIKE ME... "Listen,  BEN...  No matter who you were in the past. It doesn't define who you are now. You could be a totally different person... Or you could be the same.  It doesn't matter to me. You are my friend. And as a friend I will make sure you are on the right path. Understand. I will ALWAYS be your friend until I die officially.  OK.  Got it." He smiled at me happy and started crying real tears and let out loud sobs and struggling for breath. I took out a water bottle and made him drink it until he calmed down. THANKS GRIEFER...  I REALLY NEEDED THAT... NOW... HOW ABOUT I TAKE YOU TO MEET THE KILLERS… I KNOW YOU'VE ALREADY ENCOUNTERED JEFFREY... HE REALLY HAS A THING FOR YOU ... "What you're crazy that's disgusting. Besides I don't like him I like someone else." REALLY...  WHO... "I'm not going to tell you. " I said blushing. HMMM...  I WILL FIND OUT... SOMEDAY... I laughed at that then we started walking towards the mansion. Which would take us two weeks to get to.

TWO WEEKS LATER We finally made it.  The place looked so HUGE. The air smelled like blood and corpses even though there was no corpses nearby.  The mansion as something out of a horror movie.  The walls were so old it was chipped and cracked in some places and dry blood on the walls. No doubt of some poor human looking for the 'pastas. Oh well they deserved it,  they shouldn't have gone looking for them. I smiled as I looked at the place. This felt like I was home.  I looked over at BEN who had turned very tiny so I had to look for him on the floor.  He was the size of my finger. I bent down to pick him up and he smiled gratefully at me. KNOCK ON THE DOOR AND WHOEVER ANSWERS JUST SAY 'JANE IS DEAD' THEY WILL LET YOU SPEAK TO SLENDER. I nodded then noticed that my shoelaces we're uneven so I had to undo them bending down I untied them and felt a slap across my right butt cheek. Then I heard someone say,  "Dang dat booty." I turned around and slapped the person across the face.  Oops instincts. I felt bad for hitting the person but they should know not to hit someone on their butt. Then I noticed that it was Jeffrey. I was pretty sure he knew who I was too. "Hey it's you. " He growled. I smiled and said, "Jenna is dead." He immediately looked scared and said,  "I hope you know what you're doing. I wish you the best of luck. Anyways follow me." I didn't think about it and followed him. When I got inside the place looked so broken down,  like everything was either broken or really old,  and sharp things were littered across the floor. There was what seemed like fresh broken glass in the middle if the hall. I frowned and thought 'damn is there absolutely no one who cleans here.' "Sorry about the mess...  It's usually not this messy. " I raised an eyebrow at that and said "No it's ok.  Maybe someday it'll be clean. " He laughed at that and said,  "Yeah hopefully someday. " He then indicated I follow him. As I followed him I noticed that every 'pasta had there own rank and unique style of killing,  like Jeffrey liked killing people when they were barely getting to sleep. It was actually quite interesting knowing about how they all had their own style.  I also found out that they even had their own special hobby. We finally made it to a big brown wooden door. I was actually surprised that we hadn't run into anyone. I looked up at the big door and smiled. "So this is Slender's room. Amazing. " "Ugh. Wait till you meet him." Jeffrey said in an annoyed tone then knocked on the door. "Come in. " He opened the door.  I walked in and looked back to see that Jeff had left. That poop head.  Welp. I looked at the slender figure in front of me. Damn was he tall. "Oh.  And who are you? " "I happen to be Griefer Mr. Skinny. " He growled at me. I just smiled at him like the little brat I was. "Well, Griefer.  What have you done to be here. " "I killed my family. " I said lying a little.  Apparently he sensed that I was lying and said, "Why you always lying. " I cracked up with that and said,  "Because what I did was years ago before I was even able to know right from wrong.  Which was never. " "Hmmmm...  I need to know what you did. Or else I can't let you stay here." I thought about it then started off from the beginning.

  It was a warm Summer's Eve in the school of The Jewel. One person out of them all stood out in that big crowd. It was not the Jock,  not the cheerleader, not the popular one,  but the new one getting punched by the Jock,  getting called names by the cheerleader, and being circled by the popular ones. His name was known throughout the entire school for always being different. "Hey faggot. What's the difference between you and a watermelon...  One of them you eat and the other you can punch. " Said a cheerleader with a crappy joke. He was getting brutally punched being called horrible names that one should never be called. There as blood and vomit spewing from his mouth. He had one black eye no it wasn't even black more like a purple with a horrible yellow. He looked like a skeleton already but with the blood all over him he looked like some messed up vampire. What he found funny was that his pleas for help went unanswered. The teachers did nothing, they passed by as if they saw nothing. He finally started to get angry that they we're beating on him like some punching bag. He was tired of it. He felt unquestionable anger,  no it was fury. Man was he pissed off. He felt like a volcano ready to be set off at any given moment. And today we his day to be set off. All of a sudden there was a burst of silver coming from the boy that they've been beating on.  They all immediately back away. He didn't care that they were scared and curious about what was happening. All he wanted to do was hurt them like they've hurt him. He sent out a blast of fire,  burning them all. They screamed in agony begging him to stop. They kept begging but he didn't stop there. He wouldn't let them get off that easy. He sent out a burst of acid at them, peeling her skin slowly but making them pay for what they've done to him. They we're going to pay. After a couple of minutes those who were weaker started dying off. Then he started brutally stabbing them,  tearing them apart from limb to limb, literally. He made sure that when he was done with them,  well they would be dead by then.  After having his fun with the dead bodies he advanced forwards the one friend he had and it seemed as if time had slowed down. He did the unthinkable and hurt his own friend, Glitcher.

As I had been telling the story he had been silent I couldn't even hear anything from BEN. "Hmmm...  So what happened to your friend. " "Oh Glitcher...  We're still best friends. " "Even after what you did... Why though. " "That's because he knew I wasn't myself. He knew that someone else had taken over and he forgave me. This never happened again. " "My dear child.  I have some grave news for you..... "

"Welcome to the family." I looked at him and smiled happily. "Thanks... Mr. Skinny. " I smiled at him. Then I remembered about BEN. "Oh and Mr. Slendy you might want to know I freed BEN. " "...WHAT! " "Ummm... Ya but he said that he will be good and listen to your rules and whatnot. All he wants is to be treated normally. Not like he was going to just kill somebody anytime or kill them unexpectedly... He swears he'll be good. " "Hmmm... Where is he. " "Right here. " I said pointing to my pocket. " "He was here the entire time! " "Uhhh. Ya." “ ughhhhh... Why didn't you tell me earlier. " "Because I forgot and barely remembered. " " let me see him first. " "Hmmmm.... Okie. " I pulled the small BEN out of my pocket and smiled at him. He was in the palm of my hand facing me with crossed legs and crossed arms. I gently took off his hat and be reached for it. HEY GIVE IT BACK YOU GIANT... PLEASE... I smiled at him but shook my head. I held him out for Skinny to see. Skinny examined him. He picked him up gently with one of his abnormally long fingers. Ben squirmed all over and finally bit Skinny really hard. Skinny dropped him. I immediately reacted by catching him. "You clumsy little fool. " I said to BEN. Apparently he didn't like being called little and he bit me. I only smiled. WHY... YOU EMOTIONLESS FREAK... I smacked him on the head with one finger. "Take that shorty. " OK YOU WENT TOO FAR... "Well then... FUDGE YOUR CROISSANTS!!! ... WAIT... WHAT... "I dunno... Anyways Mr. Skinny now that you've examined him. Are you gonna let him stay. Please. " I said giving him a pleading look. "Ugh.... Fiiinnnneeeeeee. I hate to admit it but I missed my little toy. Besides that he's so damn adorable. Like seriously he's so damn kawaii. " WELL THANKS FOR EMBARRASSING ME. HE DIDN'T EVEN NEED TO KNOW THAT SKINNY FACE. WHY WOULD YOU TELL HIM THAT... "Awww Thats so cute. At least I know Skinny has a fanboy side to him. We should hang out sometime. We would get along so well." "That sounds like a good idea but one question first. Percabeth or Jercy." "Ooooo. That one is easy... Jercy." "Correct. " He said happily. "Woowoo. " I said smiling. AHEM. YA DO KNOW I'M STILL HERE RIGHT, CREEPS... I just smiled and pet his hair. "Sorry. It's just that you're so tiny I forgot about you. Hehehe." WELL THAT'S NOT RUDE AT ALL... "I know right I'm just soooo nice." UGH... "How long have you two known each other. " At the same time we said, "About two or three weeks. " I HAVE NO EFFING IDEA... "Really BEN. That's just sad. " NOT MY FAULT I'M JUST A 'VIRUS' LIKE THE OTHERS SAID... "BEN that's really sad. But anyways why were you asking Skinny. " "I was asking because you two remind me of a newly wed couple. " "Oh in that case... BEN I want a divorce. " OH HELL NAW YOU AIN'T LEAVIN ME... With that we started cracking up. We're so dang stupid. "I swear you two will be the end if me." Skinny said sighing. "Oh yeah since imma be a part if the family... Where is everyone. " "Well at this hour they are all either asleep or out hunting. I'll give you a schedule so you can know what to be doing at certain hours. Also every in has to cook at least once a month. It'll say on the schedule when it-" He got interrupted by me saying, "Umm can I just cook all the time cause I Like cooking and cleaning ya know and keeping the house in good shape. While also doing the other stuff that I have to do." Surprisingly he agreed quickly saying, " Of course if you're up for the responsibility of cooking for all he creepypastas in the house. Also I've been meaning to get Hoodie or Masky to clean the house but I've never found the time. " "Yes!! I am definitely up for the responsibility." I said happily. "Well OK then, just don't let them try to get you into a maid outfit. " "OK. " I said a little confused as to why anyone would want me in a maid outfit. "Ahhh. Such innocence. " Skinny said. "Huh. What do you mean by that. " "Nothing. " He quickly said. SKINNY YOU BETTER NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. "I have not the slightest clue what you're talking about Benny-boo. " OH DON'T ACT ALL INNOCENT WITH ME "Oh and what do you mean about that Lil BEN. " I just started laughing and said, "Y'all are pretty stupid. But now that you guys stopped arguing can someone please tell me where I will be staying. " "Right. Sorry bout that. Anyways based on your story you'll be staying on Jeffrey's floor which is also where the more scarier killers go. " "Oh kewl. " I took his silence as my cue to leave and thankfully he wouldn't announce my presence until next morning. So that all killers were there. Dang too bad I forgot to mention that I have anxiety. Oh well it'll pass. I walked up the steps to the very top floor and saw Jeffrey on the floor looking very bored just staring at the ceiling. "Take a picture. It'll last longer. " He suddenly said out if nowhere. I responded to his mockery with sarcasm as was my second nature by saying, "of course my beautiful princess I shall take as many pictures as you wish. " He turned his head towards me and then asked, "what's a noob like you doing up here does Skinny want something." "Huh. Oh no Skinny told me I would be staying up here. He's so cool too bad I can't kill him." "Ahhhh I see why he put you up here... You're in between sanity and insanity. Hahah sucker. " "Not cool. Anyways which room is unoccupied." He then pointed to the door all the way down the hall. "Umm... Thanks I guess. " I walked down the hall feeling him watching me. I opened the door and what I saw was a horrible sight, but I wasn't surprised... me. It was Offender on top of a lady. He was doing something to her that I couldn't understand all I knew was that I shouldn't have see this. "My poor eyes. " I whispered. "Why Jeffrey,  why." That was all I had to say to make the fall man that looked like Skinny aware of me at the doorway. He growled at Jeffrey but then his look softened when he saw me standing there looking confused,  and slightly worried for the lady that was in a puddle of her own blood. I ignored both of them and entered the room I notice some weird 'torture devices' but they were oddly shaped. I walked over to the lady who was gasping for air and like someone was holding a bag around her neck.  I immediately knew that she had asthma. I turned back to the tall man and glared then I turned back to the lady. I summoned a water bottle for her and had her lean against me in an upright position so she could drink the water. As she drank the water I told her in a soothing voice, "It's going to be OK.  Just tell me what happened because I've never encountered a scene like this. " "Awwww you are so innocent. That's cute. " The tall man said looking at me like he might gobble me up. I frowned at him and said,  "Ya well this 'innocent' kid might just rip you apart if you don't shut the heck up... So would you two please wait outside. Also I don't care about what you were doing to her walking corpse. " He frowned at me and was about to take step towards me when Jeffrey suddenly said,  "You touch him Skinny is going to be really mad. " "Fine but next time you tell me what to do and interrupt me while I'm doing my business I will make sure you pay. " He said growling at me.

I just glared and stayed by the ladies, who as I looked closer was only around 14-16, side and glared till they left.  I then turned to the lady and asked,  "What happened. " "H-h-he r-ra-raped me.” 

"That buttnugget. Why would he do such a thing. " "Awww it's true you are so innocent. You don't even know who he is...  He's...  He's Sexual Offenderman. " "Ehhhh.  What does that mean. " "Look it up. Cause I sure as hell won't be the one to ruin your innocence." "Oh...  Okie. "

After helping her clean up and giving her something to restore her health. She did something unexpected and brought one of the many knives to her chest and stabbed herself. 

Griefer stared at her lifeless body in shock and finally realized what it was to actually kill someone and knew now that he had made the worst mistake in his life. 

If only he could go back in time. But too bad he couldn't or didn't know how to bad he didn't know his father's or what they were. Ugh that's another bad thing about not knowing your parents. 

Griefer's sighed and cleaned up the bloody mess she left behind and put the ‘clean' blood and put it in a baggy for later. He then looked around the room and in a minute cleaned the room of all the white liquid he has found. 

Ugh what a dirty room. He thought then walked out and said to ‘Fender,  “she's dead my job is done,  at least she had a quick death.”

“WHAT!!  YOU KILLED MY TOY!!! “ He yelled at him and was about to grab him by the shirt when there was a cough behind him. They three of them looked and saw that it was…

“Oh shoot hehehe…  Umm hey Skinny,  bro,  buddy old chum. How's it going.”

“Brother what we're about to do… Well I'm waiting. “

“Ummm…  wait are you…  Are you… being overprotective.”

“No.  On the contrary. I can see he has a very great potential. Better than…” He fell silent and looked at the others then walked over to me and picked me up putting me over his shoulder. 

I frowned and knew that it would be useless to fight. “Ugh. Really Mr. Skinny,  why you do dis. “

He whispered something I couldn't hear. Then he said “what's your real name.”

I looked at him and said,  “Its Bas-”

“No your REAL name.”

“But that is my real name. “

“No it's not now tell me.” he said as we got to his room.

I gulped and said, “I have no other known name that I'm aware of. Is there one I should be aware of.”

He frowned at me,  “I know who your parents are and I know you're their bastard child so tell. me. your. name.”

Then as he was about to strike me Jeffrey burst into the room and said, “Slender how could you try and land a blow on him!!!  Let him go he's staying with me until you can prove yourself.”

Slender seemed to smile and said, “this was only a test to see if you actually cared about him…  You passed.”

“What the hell !!! Slender it's not cool to do that to someone.” Jeff yelled 

“But in all truth I do know who your parents are Greifer…  Be glad they decided to have you unlike the rest.”

“What do you mean? Who's the rest? “ I asked confused. 

“That is not my place to tell you.” He stated as if I should know. That bubblegum idiot. 

Ugh he knew who my parents were and I don't even know what get are like. This sucked butt.  I sighed. 

“Dammit Mr. Skinny I dunno my ‘REAL’ name. Shoot I don't even know what my parents look like. Ugh. Would you please tell me how to find them. “

“First let's go talk in your room I don't want anyone to know what we are talking about. “ He said looking at Jeffrey and ‘Fender.

Jeffrey looked at him then me and sighed. He walked back to his room.  ‘Fender just looked at me glared then said, “Until next time.” Then he walked to find his next victim. 

We walked to across from ‘fenders room into my new room. It's walls were painted midnight blue. Everything was bare it seemed empty even though there was a bed and some furniture and now me. 

I looked around and noticed that there was some dried blood in the bathroom. I wondered what happened here. My question was answered by Skinny. 

“Suicide Squidward stayed here we had to move him somewhere where his safety was all that mattered. We couldn't keep him here cause he kept making others worry and making them feel all depressed and crap. I know it we wrong of me to send him away but I had to. He needs someone who'll look after him. I couldn't provide that. “

I frowned and said, “I could help him,  where is he. I want to know where he is.”

“No.”

“And why the heck not. Hmmm.”

“Because I don't want you coming back looking all emo and shiz.”

“Wow. You are like soooo rude.”

“You're still going to try and find him aren't you.”

“Yep.”

“But why are you trying to help someone who is so far deep into depression. This is why I will never understand humans. “

“Correction I'm not human. At least I don't think I am. And to answer your question. I want to help because people deep into depression think that they are not loved or that they are unwelcome. They think this by people's actions… Did you by any chance try speaking with him. Or at least try to understand where he came from.”

“Umm… No.”

“That's where you went wrong… Haha the almighty Skinny doesn't know how to help others. Dammit Slaughter. Sorry about that.”

“Hmmm.  That's OK but who was that. Also do you by any chance have any oth-”

I cut him off and said,  “Yes I do their names are- Don't tell him you dumb butt. How dare you call me that Shy why aren't you stopping him. Because I don't want to. Wow what a good friend you are. We aren't friend then.  Why. Because you are a dumb butt.”

“This is quite amusing but who are they.”

“They are my friends and they usually don't show themselves unless it's something serious. So I guess when they want they all tell you their names. But since you already know Slaughter he'll be showing up more. Also don't make him angry. Actually don't make any of us angry.”

“OK. I'll try. But out of curiosity what will happen.”

“That is not my place to tell.” 

“Very well then.”

“Wait Skinny before I go.  Why did you abandon BEN. He is will very heart broken about being close date freak. Please apologize to him for me.”

“... I'll think about it.”

He soon left me not before giving me a schedule of what I had to do. I looked it over and saw that I had to cook in about six minutes.  

Yes I was about to meet all of the ‘pastas finally after waiting for like almost four hours. 

Then I remembered I never did find out how to find my parents.  Ugh dammit Skinny. He just avoided talking about them. Ggggghhhh… Now I'm mad. 

As I made my way to the kitchen. I felt eyes on me and I knew this time it wasn't Jeffrey.  I quickly turned around to see a man with a mouthguard in trying to flee. 

I caught his arm and turned him around and held him In a tight grip. He seemed surprised to be caught. Then I said,  “Who the doodlebutts face are you?”

“I-I'm Tic-ci Tob-y.”

“Wait what did you say.” Instead of answering he pulled tightly from my grip and ran off. “Well he's weird. Maybe I'll see him at lunch.”

I checked the time and ran off to the kitchen and prepared waffles and chicken, hamburgers, and pizza.  Then I just cooks kidneys,  flesh,  and guts for the cannibals in the house. For dessert I made candy apples. 

As I set the table little BEN decided to pop out of my pocket. 

HI GRIEFER…  WASSUP… 

“Bruh. I forgot you were even here. Cause you are so tiny. Like did you die bruh.”

NO I WENT TO AN ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE… 

He said this with a lot of sarcasm,  ha too bad he couldn't beat me in a sarcasm match. 

“Ya well.  At least I'm not tiny,  if ya know what I mean.”

I'M BIGGER WHERE IT COUNTS…

“You nasty.”

As he was about to reply a man with a white mask and feminine looking lips and no eyes walked in. 

“Oh.” He said and looked at the table that was filled with lots of food. Then he looked at me. 

“Oh. I didn't know there was a new recruit.” Then stared at the food hungrily. 

“I'm Griefer.”

THIS IS MINE DO. NOT. TOUCH…

Ben said out of nowhere glaring at the masked man. 

Griefer was about to protest when the other killers started flooding in. Everyone started sitting down in their spots. 

I served everyone what they wanted no one looked at me twice. Except Jeffrey,  he seemed unusually quiet for a person I've only known for a couple hours. 

“Hey J-Jeffrey. Je-ffr-ey. Jef-f-rey. Je-ff-rey. Jef-ffffff-fffff-fffreyyyyy!”

I looked at Jeffrey from the corner of my eye and noticed that the guy with the mouth guard was annoying jeff. Jeffrey looked annoyed, but everyone else looked like this happened everyday. 

I looked around me to make sure no one noticed me and started making my way out. 

“Halt!” 

I heard someone call then grab me around the waist. All the other killers looked up at me and stared curiously. 

“YAY! New ‘pasta, and it's a girl.”

I was too shy to say anything so I just looked at the ground. Apparently the guy that called me a girl Decided to point out that I was shy. 

“Awwwww she's also shy. She's so darn cute.”

I frowned and looked up at the person who was holding me. It looked like another member of Skinny’s family.  The only thing was they looked more into the latest fashion. 

Then I started freaking out. This is bad he's touching me. Ewwwwwwww. 

“This is unsanitary. Let me go this instant. Who knows when the last time you washed those filthy hands of yours.” I said completely grossed out. 

Everyone looked at the man and then at me. Then they burst out laughing. A man that looked like a monochrome clown came in and said, “What I miss.”

“She called Trender f-f-filthy.” The man with a mask that held no eyes and liquid leaking out of them said. 

“Oh and nice ta meet ya-”

“I'm Griefer. And you are.”

“Eyeless Jack.” I could tell he was usually quiet. 

“Oh and I'm Laughing Jack. Eyeless is usually shy around everyone so don't be offended.”

I nodded and then turned to Eyeless who seemed to be blushing out of his mask. Thats weird. 

I wanted to tell Eyeless that I was a boy but everyone was too loud and I started thinking about the past this led me to start thinking badly so I ran out into the woods. 

I kept running till I was deep in the dark part of the woods. It took me a moment to calm down and I breathed a sigh of relief. 

“That was intense.”

“Yeah it was. I wonder what they think of me now.”

“Maybe that you should leave.”

“Naw. I believe they think that you are a special child and need more help.”

“Hahaha. Very funny, Gerald.”

“Don't call me that.”

I just sighed and let them argue when I heard the sound of faint footsteps. Lots of them.

“Guys shut up.”

“OK.” They both said then left. 

I sat down and sighed again for the millionth time. 

Dang they must think I'm weird… Hmmm maybe… Maybe not. Who knows. If they think I'm weird for having anxiety then they are the weird ones. 

I hear the footsteps stop by one of the may trees. One person kept walking I could tell they were young. 

Whoever it was didn't care if they were seen and walked all the way towards me. They stopped behind me. I didn't turn around until they put a hand in my shoulder. 

I reacted immediately by jerking away.  I stood up quickly and turned around looking at the small person. 

It was a girl just as I thought. She had brown hair, a pink nightgown and blood running down her forehead. 

“Hi. I know you don't know me but I-”

“I know who you are Sally Williams. I'm Griefer. Nice ta meet ya…What do you want.”

“I- I want to help you,  but I don't know how.” She said scared and confused. 

“No you don't no one wants to help me. I'm useless.”

“No you're not. Who told you that.” She demanded. 

“I can't tell you.” I said wondering if I should tell about them. 

I decided not to. I listened to what she had to say.  The only thing I heard was ‘help you.’

Then I looked at her with tears threatening to spill and I said, “Thank you but my anxiety won't go away,  I mean you can try to help me… Also I know you guys are here. So,  Like I dunno come out.”

I heard whispering and slowly they came out. They each looked down except for Jeffrey who saw that I had tears threatening to spill and ran towards me. 

Apparently BEN couldn't handle seeming someone run at me like that. Soon there was a blueish light appeared and a 5’9 BEN appeared and he growled at Jeffrey.  Jeffrey stopped, which cause everyone to stop and stare at him. 

There was fear written on all their faces. They whispered about how it was impossible for BEN to appear unless someone freed him. They all glared at BEN. 

Sally was the first to do anything. She ran up to BEN and hugged him. 

“BEEEEENNNNNNN!!! You're back!  YAY!” She turned and smiled at me. “Thank you so,  so, so much for bringing him back I've missed my BENNY-BOO.” 

Everyone looked at her then at BEN to see his reaction. He looked annoyed so Jeffrey walked up to him and said,  “Why are you back. Who brought you back.”

WELL IT'S PRETTY OBVIOUS WHO BROUGHT ME BACK… AND AS TO WHY I'M HERE… WELL I'm ONLY CAME HERE CAUSE GRIEF NEEDED A PLACE TO STAY… 

“ BEN you can't stay here.”

I looked at both of them and pulled Sally away from them and I whispered to her,  “Go call Skinny.”

She nodded and ran off. I looked at them and got in between them. 

“Jeffrey calm down,  please,  just listen for a minute.” He looked at me for a moment and growled at me. I was startled by this and started crying. 

SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE JEFFREY… DONT YOU UNDERSTAND HUMAN EMOTIONS… HE'S A SENSITIVE PERSON… APOLOGIZE NOW… 

“N-n-no i-it's o-oh-ok I n-n-now k-know th-tha-that J-Je-Jeffrey h-ha-hates m-me…” Then I started crying again. BEN put his arms around me and held me trying to comfort me.  He glared at Jeffrey and whispered in my ear, 

“If you want to leave we always can.”

I looked up at him with my tear stained face and said, “No it's OK.” I wiped my tears away. 

“I don't hate you.  It's just why did you have to free him. He's evil.”

“He's not evil,  if he was I would have never spoken to him. He's not evil he only want you guys to treat him normally then maybe he won't be an outcast. It's mostly Slenders fault for doing this but everyone makes mistakes. Even BEN,  ugh I didn't want to tell you guys but I guess I have to…  Jane was never dead. She left. She decided to leave… I'm sorry.”

“What seems to be the problem.” It was Skinny. He ‘looked’ at everyone of us. 

“Well BEN appeared and then Jeffrey made Griefer cry.” Sally said simply. 

Apparently Skinny only got part of what she said. He rushed over to me and asked,  “Are you OK? Did he hurt you?  What did he say?”

“I'm OK Mr. Skinny. I also explained that Jenna had left… I'm sorry.”

“Yes, unfortunately Jenna left us by faking her death I only just figured it out when Griefer told me.” He paused as if though contemplating telling them something. Then he said, “OK. I wasn't going to tell you this but I see now that I have no choice… Griefer is a valuable member and has information that we all need OK. So please try and be nice to him. That is all for now. Also BEN has changed so try to get to know him again.”

They all hesitated and looked at each other and finally decided.  If Skinny said that BEN had changed then maybe he had,  they still had doubts but decided to trust Skinny and give it a shot. 

“OK.” They all said.

“We'll try to be his friend.” Laughing Jack said but put emphasis on try. He was one of those that wouldn't try to be BEN's friend. I only faked my best smile and looked at Jeffrey hopefully. 

“Ugh fine. I'll be your ‘friend' BEN. I mean we live on the same floor and whatnot.” This made me smile. 

It was already time for dinner when we started our way back home. I smiled happily, happy that everyone was getting along.

I look behind me and noticed that the boy who had been watching me earlier was talking with the masked guy. They soon noticed that I was making my way towards them and both stopped, looked at me, looked around frantically as if though looking for a way out.

I was confused, why did they want to run, was I that ugly. I wanted to cry right there but I have already cried too much, I have to be strong.

I walked straight up to them and grabbed the one with the mouth guard by the arm and said, “Why do you keep running from me, huh. Am I really that horrid to look at. Is that why? Well don't just stand there talk to me.”

He made some ticking noises and finally said, “Y-y-ou ar-e n-ot u-ug-ly.” He stated bluntly, then looked at the ground.

“Yeah as a matter of fact you're really pretty... I'm sorry what such bad manners of us, we didn't introduce ourselves. Im Tim.” The masked one said looking at me.

I looked at mouth guard boy and looked at him expectantly. He realized that he had no other choice but to answer, he looked up and said, “I-am To-oby.

I smiled and said, “Noice to meet ya mate… Wait that's what you said earlier. Hahahaha.I'm so dumb.” I said laughing. 

That earned laughter from both of them. Then we walked towards the mansion laughing our butts off until I asked, “Hey, Toby.”

“Y-eah.”

“Why were you watching me earlier?”

As he was about to answer Tim interrupted him by covering his mouth and saying, “ We were watching you because… ermm… because we wanted to know more about you.” 

I decided not to push the matter and said, “Ugh since I know you won't tell me the truth. I'll go along with what you said.”

They smiled at me and Tim said, “Thanks bro.” 

I just smiled and continued to walk to the mansion. As I got inside I saw that everyone was sitting at the table waiting for food. These lazy monkey butts… Hmph waiting for me to feed them, wow.

I made my way to the kitchen and started preparing their meals. After 10 minutes I was finished and in record time! That was something to be proud of. 

Anyways I placed the food on the table. Then I sat myself down next to a fully grown BEN. I looked around me and smiled happily. Everyone was getting along and playing with each other. 

I'M BORED WANNA PLAY A GAME WITH ME… 

“Sure it's gotten boring anyways.” I said happy to go do something.

YAY!

We went to BEN’s room which was next to mine and we started playing video games. We were playing Super Mario 64 on our nintendo's, we were trying to see who would get the highest score on mini games. Obviously he won since he was the gamer master. I just smiled happy that he was happy. 

BEN soon just passed out and I carried him to his bed. Then I left the room to go to sleep. I changed and plugged in my ear buds.  The song that came on was 32 woman by Green freaks. 

I soon fell asleep to Dance with the angels by Breaking jims. I know right I'm so weird but yeah that song makes me feel like I should know something but I have no idea what it is. Maybe it's my childhood. Maybe it's my entire life. 

Oh well I'll never know, but who knows right. I mean I'm a crazy person, pfft no I'm not. I'm just mentally unstable. Or am I just being who I truly am. 

I woke up with people yelling and I am never a happy person in the morning. This just made me angry and I did the only thing I could think of. That's right I yelled. 

“DAMMIT CAN'T ANYONE GET SOME PEACE AND QUIET ‘ROUND HERE!”

Everything immediately went silent. Then they were whispering. I went to sleep since it was only five o'clock. I woke up one hour later not happy but with just enough energy to cook and clean. No one was out of their rooms, I wonder why? 

HEY WHY WERE YOU YELLING EARLIER… 

“Huh? I was yelling? Are you sure?”

WELL YEAH I'M SURE YOU JUST STARTED YELLING IN SOME WEIRD LANGUAGE… ARE YOU OK… DID YOU FINALLY LOSE IT… 

“Ehhh… Lose what. My sanity cause if that's what you meant then no not yet or I'm not really sure.”

UGH YOU BIG DORK… IF ONLY YOU KNEW… 

“Knew what?  That you luuuuuuuvvvvvvvveeeeee me.” I said joking around. The next thing I knew BEN was blushing madly. I stared at him shocked. He 

me. 

YOU DUMMY OF COURSE WHO COULDN'T LOVE YOU… IT'S OK IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME LIKE THAT…

I stared at him thinking, “BEN I'll always see you as my brother. I'm sorry it's a Platonic love. Again I'm sorry.”

OH WELL I TRIED… WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS RIGHT…

I laughed, “Of course, BEN.”

After that we continued on like nothing ever happened. No one found out that BEN had confessed to me and no one had to know. We were currently playing video games. I beat BEN for the third time in a row. 

I laughed then told BEN I had to go restroom. He laughed then told me to hurry. I got to the bathroom only to see Toby was in there taking a piss. I immediately apologized. 

When I got back BEN saw that I seemed deep in thought and decided that we retire early. I agreed absentmindedly. I was in my room when I remembered I never went to the bathroom. 

As I was making my way down to the restroom. I bumped into somebody. It was Toby, jeez it was like he knew where I was 24/7. He looked at me shocked then ran off to his room.

I went to the bathroom to see blood in the sink. Ugh, couldn't people do their business elsewhere. Then I realize someone had left a small blade. I also figured out whose blood it was. 

.

.

.

“Toby please open the door.”

“W-why.”

“I need to ask you something.”

“Uggghhh... F-fineeee.”

I took a step back and waited patiently for him to open the door. When the door opened I barges in. Showed him the blade and looked at him. He looks at the blade shocked. 

“I-it’s n-n-not m-mine, I-I sw-sw-ear.”

“Toby please just show me your arms.”

Toby then started crying and slowly pulled up his sleeves to reveal long deep cuts all over his arm. I cringed just looking at his arm. I gently too his arm and kissed his cut up arm. He seemed shocked and shivered. 

“Does it hurt?”

“No,  I can't feel remember.”

“Sorry.”

I woke up with arms wrapped around me. I slowly turned to see who was hoping me. I saw an unknown person and all I could think of was ‘oh what happened to Toby.’ Then I saw that there as a hold in this person's cheek. 

This was Toby, I chuckled who knew Toby would look so darn cute while sleeping. 

I slowly got out of the bed and put on my sweater. As I was making my way out Toby woke up. He looked at me and felt for his mouth guard frantically searching. I smiled sadly he was ashamed of himself. 

“Toby it's OK. Your mouth guard is next to you. Also take it from me,  no one care about what you look like all that matters is who they are inside.”

I then left leaving Toby no time to reply. I soon ran into Jeffrey as soon as I had taken ten steps from Toby's room. 

“Where were you all night, not that I care.”

“I was with Toby.”

“Toby. Why Toby, he's annoying.”

“Don't you dare insult Toby. Everyone has their own battles to fight and I will not tolerate you insulting someone like Toby. Understand.”

“Jeez, I'm sorry Grief. 

“It's OK it just that something happened last night and I'm just on edge about Toby, OK.”

“What happened to Toby?”

“I can't tell you.”

“Fine, playing hard to get. I like that.”

I just smiled and slapped him. He rubbed his cheek while I walked away. After that the day went uneventful. I soon got tired and just went to do my rounds early. 

.

.

.

It been three weeks since the Toby incident. I have grown closer to BEN, Toby, and Jeffrey. They are my three best friends although I do wish my first friend, poor Glitcher. I had to learn to give up on living a normal life and adjust to life as a killer. 

I was walking up the stairs towards my room when I bumped into someone it was Toby. We both tumbled down,  I noticed he didn't have his mouth guard on. I landed on top of him, I tried keeping myself from falling on him but I failed. Our lips met, our eyes widened in realization,  I immediately pulled away. 

“I'm so sorry Grief.”

All I could do was nod and I left to my room. In my room I touched my lips and whispered,  “My first kiss was with a guy.”

I fell asleep and woke up to Jeffrey yelling at someone. Apparently he didn't care that I was trying to sleep. I got out of bed and walked down to the kitchen where Toby was trying to eat his waffles without crying. While Jeffrey yelled at him. I glared and did my own fair share of yelling. 

“JEFFREY! STOP YELLING AT HIM FOR SOMETHING THAT DIDN'T MEAN ANY HARM!”

Everyone immediately went quiet and stared at the two of us. I glared at Jeffrey and tapped my foot impatiently. He looked down and softly said, “I'm sorry Toby, it's just that I wa-nevermind.”

Toby accepted his apology then hugged Jeffrey, then went back to happily eating his waffles. I smiled at them then went to go make dinner. Skinny helped me in the kitchen, Toby and BEN went to go hang out, and Jeffrey watched us make the food. 

I hummed while cooking and Skinny joined, we hummed to a silly tune. Soon we find ished and Jeffrey went to go call the others. We all had a big family dinner, Skinny sat at the end of the table I sat between Toby and BEN. Jeffrey seemed to be glaring at the two beside me. I didn't understand why. 

Our dinner was interrupted by loud knocking. Tim went to go check who it as and only came back with a letter addressed to me. I took the letter and opened it Toby and BEN read the letter silently with me. They were really shocked as to what it said. I was left speechless and gaped at it. 

“Well are you going to tell us what it day or are we going to ask Toby.” Said a very curious killer. I sighed and said,  “The letters from one of my fathers, to be more precise it's from Axel Jones… He said we are all in danger that HE is back and looking for me and if we want to be safe, to try and find him. If we can't find him within six months we are doomed.”

I looked at all their shocked faces and smiled sadly. “I really liked this place.” Was all I was able to say before everything went black and the last thing I heard were screams. 

I woke up in a dark cabin room. I had no idea how long I've been out but it must've been for some time since my hair has grown longer, it was now to my waist. The other thing I noticed was that the shadows moved. I could also hear things. 

Then for the second time I blacked out. This time I woke up with a wet towel being put on my forehead. The person looked surprised and whispered, “Crap! You're not supposed to be awake yet.”

I then felt something almost like a needle was being placed into my neck. I felt everything slowly go away before I heard frantic whispering then everything was gone. I was left in the dark. Then as I was getting comfortable the darkness seemed to go away too and everything was suddenly just gone. 

[ayyyymichele]

Richie/Eddie Angst

Summary:When a simple kiss on the cheek lands Eddie in hot water, he leaves harboring a lot of anger at his closest friend.

Warnings: Triggering Content, Homophobia, Slurs, Violence

Less Serious Warnings:I never post my writing for a reason so read at your own risk :P

Notes: Highschool freshman Losers. Also a very upset/scared/angry Eddie and upset Richie may be a bit OOC.

The nice thing about coming out of the closet to a group called The Losers Club is that you’re already a loser. You’re already welcomed for your differences, maybe teased, but always welcomed.

Eddie was still nervous though when he came out to them after already telling Bev. He figured feelings and shit were easy for girls to sort out, so maybe she could give him some advice. She had been unsurprisingly welcoming and compassionate about it. In fact, when he told her, she quietly waited for him to go on, like there would be something more that would justify the fear Eddie felt.

It’s nice to still be able to sit knee to knee with Bill when they’re on his couch watching movies, to be able to hop on Stan’s back an demand a piggie back ride because he doesn’t feel like walking through the mud, to be able to meet up with Mike alone if the other losers are busy (they all see each other in school, but Mike is still homeschooled and it’s not fair for him to not see his friends), or to be able to still wrestle with Richie without any of them being weird about it. Though he does have to laugh because Ben believes that suddenly he has a friend who wants to listen to NKOTB with him and that is most certainly not the case. He just tells Ben to keep his shitty music away from him.

Physical closeness had never been a problem between the gang. They could easily sleep in a heap of one another when they went camping, Billy almost could always plop on Stan’s lap with little to no retaliation, and Richie was never fearful of being a little more hands on dragging the boys around by the hand or standing in any of their personal space. It’s why it was once so easy for Henry and his goons to say things like “your fag friends.”

The not so nice thing? When your friends forget that they’re not the only ones on the planet who can see them. It’s how Eddie winds up in the bathroom washing some dirt and blood from new wounds he received while the new Henry’s of this world showed up to “teach him a lesson” for being gay. He didn’t even do anything. Stupid fucking Richie platonically (he thinks?) kissed his cheek and the wrong people just happened to see it. He hisses when he brings a warm paper towel to his face, the same spot Richie had kissed, was now marked by a small cut from some upper classman’s ring when his fist cracked into his face. Why couldn’t they just have punched Richie? Hell Eddie would have cheered them on. Ok well not really.

When all of his new wounds have been washed and cleaned properly, Eddie kneels down to grab his backpack. He’s positive he has a handful of band aids left in there somewhere, but he doesn’t make it that far before he feels a rough kick against his back, sending him down to the ground and Eddie yells in surprise and brief pain. He’s quick to roll onto his back to see the attacker and to no surprise, it’s Belch and Victor who have only gotten worse since the deaths of Patrick and Henry. Whatever redeeming qualities they had washed away when they blamed the losers for the loss of their two friends. The Losers always had targets on their backs during, before and after Henry’s reign of terror. When Eddie hears Victor sneer, “They really shouldn’t let /him/ in here anymore.,” Eddie figures his target on his back has gotten substantially larger.

Eddie scrambles to get up, but Belch kicks him back down again and leaves his boots pressing down into Eddie’s chest. “Who told you you could move?” He asks and his voice is dripping with hate. Eddie swallows nervously and eyes bolt to the bathroom door in hopes someone will come in. Though anyone who did would surely know better than to cross Victor and Belch unless it happened to be one of his friends. If only Bev would use the men’s room She’d kick their asses. Victor’s attention follows Eddie’s eyes to the door and thankfully misinterprets the look as waiting for his friends rather than just anyone or seeing an escape route. Had he even considered the idea of Eddie managing to squirm away he would have blocked the door.

At least an escape is still open.

“What? Waiting to be saved by some prince charming, fag?” Victor seethes when he pulls a pocket knife from his jeans. They both have one now, like it’s some kind of tribute to their fallen friends.

Eddie’s eyes widen at the sight of glistening silver. “A-anyone would do, really.” Eddie quips, desperately trying to pull Belch’s foot off of him with no luck. It’s only when Victor steps forward and kneels down to him with the blade pressed daringly close to skin below his jaw that Eddie reaches for his back pack by his side and grabs the first thing he feels. He doesn’t think twice before cracking his history textbook right into Victor’s temple.

The blonde boy falls over gripping his head with a hiss of pain and when Belch reaches down to grab him, Eddie fumbles for his inhaler. It’s real, but no medicine is actually in it, mostly water. Eddie still frequently has panic attacks that escalate to the point where he believes his inhaler is needed. While he’s working on mentally accepting that he doesn’t have asthma, his body still calms with the placebo effect of the inhaler, so he finds it’s actually still useful. And hopefully its placebo effect is useful for him now too.

He plunges down on the button and sprays the content in Belch’s eyes and the large boy screams and presses hands to his eyes. Eddie scrambles to his feet and grabs his bag, quickly bolting for the door, and once it’s there and he’s got it open and the hallway is the freedom behind him, he shouts back, with a hint of a laugh in his voice, “It’s water, you fucking baby!” What a sight that must have been for anyone behind him. Two of the school’s largest bullies brought in pain and screaming while little Eddie Kaspbrak is victoriously leaving the room.

He’s never minded Richie’s playful antics before, but after today’s trouble, when he sees the boy waiting for him by his locker with Bill, he feels how annoyed he really is. Bill looks uneasy as he glances to the clock hanging high in the hallway, while Richie looks like he’s telling some epic tale because his hands are flying everywhere. When Bill spots Eddie the color in his face drains and he pushes past the kids in the hallway to go over to the small kid, like he might need help getting to his locker. Fortunately nothing is broken and he can walk just fine. Just sore. “W-what happened to y-you?” His eyes roam everywhere like he doesn’t know where to start. From the bruises and cuts, to the dirt stains and grass on his shirt.

Richie follows right behind Bill when he spots what has Bill looking so worried and the moment he’s near, Eddie blows up. “Don’t you fucking come near me!” He points at Richie threateningly and there’s fire in those big eyes. But Richie also sees the fear and that has him taken back.

“Woah, woah.” Bill moves between them, looking down at Eddie in surprise, though he’s sure Eddie would never actually hurt Richie. “What h-happened?”

Eddie pushes past Bill and Richie to head back to his locker where he grabs whatever books he needs for the night. Richie stays quiet for once and just watches while Bill is still waiting for an answer. Eddie shows no sign of addressing them so Richie steps forward and lightly jabs Eddie in the side where he’s usually ticklish. Too fired up, Eddie retaliates and slams his locker door closed. “Don’t fucking touch me! The next time you think it’s ok to touch me I swear to God I will-”

Once he starts getting hyped up, Bill steps in and puts two hands on Eddie’s shoulders, holding him firmly in place. “Calm d-down.” His eyes are soft and pleading and Eddie tries to focus on that rather than how much he wants to slam Richie’s head into his locker and repeatedly close the door on it. “B-breathe.” He instructs and Eddie does as told while Richie watches with mixed emotions, eyes flickering from the ground then back to Eddie while he nudges at the dirty tiled floor of the school hallway.

“You want to tell me what I did wrong or do you plan on wearing that dress and having this tea party forever?” Eddie tenses and Bill drops his head in a defeated manner but holds Eddie in place. Richie means it playfully as always, but it’s not the time.

"Everything, Richie. Fucking everything you do is wrong!” That seems to have Richie taken back when there isn’t an ounce of humor in Eddie’s voice. Usually they banter back and forth and it’s the highlight of Richie’s days.

Stan is the next one to show up, hands clasping his book bag straps close to him while he slows his walk when he hears and feels the tension. He shifts his eyes among the group, but they linger on Bill while he silently asks what is happening. Bill responds with a shrug of his small shoulders and a deep frown. “I’m usually all for Richie mobs…but-” He’s cut off and he looks over to the boy he mentioned when he begins to talk.

“Eds, come o-” He starts sounding exhausted like there’s no time for Eddie to be playing drama.

“Don’t.” Eddie warns again and Bill has to actually hold the small boy back now and he looks like he just might cry, but of course, he doesn’t. But he really does look like he’s about to burst into tears. He gestures to what he can of his injuries while being held back by Bill and his voice cracks when he cries, “This is all your fault.”

Stan leans over to examine the cuts and bruises. While not anything to go to the hopital over, unless you’re Eddie’s mother, it’s enough to look like most of Eddie’s skin would be tender. So he straightens his posture and defensively looks back to Richie. “What on Earth did you do?”

Richie’s mouth falls open and closed a few times and he puts his hands up to his chest in defense of himself. “Me?! I didn’t do anything!”

“Well /that/,” Stan points back to Eddie, feeling protective over the smaller boy, especially when it comes to Richie related things, “Doesn’t look like nothing.”

Bill looks back to Eddie and examines the cut on his cheek, gently brushing a thumb over it making Eddie jump and step back from him. It’s Bill’s turn to be taken back, but he stands up straight and regards Eddie with a frown. “Eddie.” He says his name softly, encouraging him to talk.

“Some stupid goons saw that-that kiss you gave me-” He looks mortified even mentioning it and he points to his cheek in case Richie forgot where, and Stan narrows his eyes at Richie and folds his arms while shooting him death glares. “And this is what happened! Then Victor and Belch pinned me in the bathroom-” At that all of the boys snap their direct attention to Eddie knowing nothing good comes from a run in with those two, especially if they are alone. Richie is starting to look horribly remorseful. “-And Belch kept me down on the ground and Victor-he-he-put that knife to my throat and it’s all because you don’t fucking think!”

Eddie is fuming and Bill can see that clear as day, but he sighs and tries to offer Richie some aid. “He d-didn’t mean to get you h-hurt, Eddie, you know that.” He struggles to say so much at once, but it’s all understood. It doesn’t help Richie’s case as Eddie is still looking at him with so much anger, fear and hurt. Those large brown eyes are filled with thick tears.

“Yeah?” Eddie snaps his head at Bill looking unimpressed by his words. “Well the next time he wants to do something stupid like that, HE can take the punches. HE can get cornered in the bathroom. And HE can have a knife pulled on him.”

The group goes silent because while it is true that Richie never thinks of repercussions, he would never do anything to purposefully get Eddie hurt. In fact, he might be the most protective over Eddie since they are very close, even if Eddie doesn’t need a protector. And that’s not even considering the monumental crush Richie has on their small friend.

“That’s….” Stan pauses to think, looking between the two boys. Eddie is shaken with rage and Richie is stunned into silence, adjusting his glasses and trying to act like none of that just absolutely destroyed him. “Not really fair, Eddie…” He finishes and looks back to his friend. “Your anger is misplaced.” Bill nods furiously in agreement.

Richie shakes his hands and waves what Stan is saying off and steps forward to ask what’s weighing on his mind. “You wouldn’t really want that for me…would you, Eds?” He’d never lift a finger to hurt him and to hear that Eddie is so willingly ok with the idea of Richie being physically assaulted hurts. A lot. Probably more than Eddie’s actual wounds. Had he been there either time he would have done his best to either keep Eddie safe or make sure they shared the beating. Hell, if Eddie had told him or went to him the first time he got hurt Richie would have been glued to his side the whole rest of the day. He’d gladly take all the kicks, punches and cuts for Eddie, but not just because Eddie’s looking at him like he’s the worst person on the planet right now.

Eddie blinks his eyes repeatedly and shakes his head in disbelief like Richie said something stupid yet again. “Do you want that for me? To get hurt and f-fucking attacked?” He redirects the question and instead of sounding like he is made up of all anger, a bit of hurt escapes his tone this time like he desperately needs Richie to understand this and the other boys exchange solemn looks.

"Of course not, Eddie.” Richie answers, voice soft and apologetic.

"Then fuck off and leave me alone.” Eddie furiously wipes his shoulder against his cheek to wipe away a stray tear and slams his locker door closed befor he storms off leaving a stunned Stan and Bill and heartbroken Richie behind.

[itsbenedict]

No Driver’s License: Session 7

[adventure log- from the beginning]

[session 6]

[omakes 6.1 and 6.2]

Last time on No Driver’s License, the team recuperated from a long day spent fighting monsters and witches and evil girls who summon giant ghost sharks. They sat around the fire and shared tragic backstories, growing closer as a team and earning a few points of Hope.

Also, Tama-chan showed up and gave them the main quest! Specifically, she told them what the main quest was (stopping some very strong badguys), and then informed them that she’d given up on it and that it was a stupid idea to try and give them the quest in the first place, and apologized for trying to get them involved. Predictably, the team’s response was “fuck you, we’re going to do the main quest anyway!”, which I will personally take credit for as a brilliant stroke of GMing prowess, thank you, thank you.

less brilliant was how they ended up totally alienating their helpful guide and driving her off entirely, such that i was left without a mouthpiece character, but HEY THAT’S DRAMA

This time, the party ends up having to contend with...

Bain à la Grenouillère by Claude Monet. Uh... okay??? Sure???

So, first off, after everyone went home, they all took some action based on what they wanted to accomplish.

Sakura started doing some internet research, on top of her primary objective of “read a lot of magical girl manga for helpful tips”. Her search for magic phenomena turned up a couple things- one, a well-documented sighting of an inexplicable Gundam above Tokyo that’s been causing a stir amongst conspiracy theorists; and two, a rash of unexplained mass narcolepsy incidents across the world, probably linked to the appearance of witch barriers.

Makoto just wanted to figure out how to live in the real world- and so she’s been enrolled in school. She’s been placed in remedial classes, and- her player, koholitl, was unable to participate in the session this week due to medical problems, so Makoto’s just going to spend her time in those classes- with her good roll, she’s earned an extra point of Real from her lessons.

Seina also rolled Keep Up With Life, like Makoto- but she got a very very bad roll, and so unfortunately for her, she’s facing the consequences of “suddenly disappearing one night while staying over at Reiko’s, and not telling her parents where she was”. She’s... super grounded! Except for school, but her dad is a teacher at school, so she’s under near-constant supervision now. Whoops!

Ibara, meanwhile, decided to hit the streets looking for info. Specifically, she tracked down her delinquent buddies from school- Nails and Shibu. She asked them if they knew Yamauchi Yoshe, and... turns out they do! Yoshe’s an upperclassman at their high school, and they super duper hate her. Not because they know she’s an evil magic cannibal- it’s just she won a beauty pageant at the school festival and they’re super bitter about it because fuck the popular kids.

Yukari was tagging along with Ibara, but got distracted on the way to the school- she finally found Nishi-chan, and broke off to go chase her. Nishi-chan, though, was apparently headed for the same place- when she finally corners Nishi-chan at the school, it’s in view of Ibara and her delinquent friends.

So that’s where we begin the session!

Yukari doesn’t beat around the bush, and takes Nishi-chan to the rooftop where they can talk without being overheard. She... does this by straight-up jumping up to the roof in plain view of Nails and Shibu, which causes them to freak out and forces Ibara to have to confess that she’s involved in some Weird Magic Shit™. 

Nishi-chan says that she came to the school to try and defuse a crisis- someone in the school is on the verge of witching out, according to her vague senses about this sort of thing. She asks if anyone in the party is in bad shape emotionally, but as far as Yukari knows, everyone’s fine- and Reiko just witched out like yesterday, so it probably wouldn’t be her.

So, Nishi-chan concludes, it must be one of the at-least-five other magical girls in the school. 

WHAT? Yukari asks, and Nishi-chan begins spilling the beans. A lot of magical girls go to this school, apparently! She indicates that three of the girls at this school are the big bads Tama-chan mentioned, confirming that they include Yamauchi Yoshe and Katou Kimiko. She also mentions- without stating their affiliations exactly- Otsuki Orino, an upperclassman in the art club, and Akagi Anzu, a freshman. She’s about to name a third, but...

There’s an earthquake. A very short earthquake. A massive dust cloud rises from the baseball diamond on the school grounds, visible to the entire party save Makoto. Sakura and Seina are in the same chemistry class, and manage to slip away as the classroom empties in a blind panic. Yukari’s on the roof, and has a clear view. Ibara and her friends can also see it- and she instructs them to run like hell.

Yukari rolls for Prophecy and only gets one for this session- and decides to save it rather than check whether they should intervene. Of course they should intervene, and she wants to be able to ask a more useful question once they know what they’re intervening in.

Ibara is the first to arrive on the scene, stepping through the barrier and bucking tradition by succeeding on a Real roll.

The witch-  Ｐａｉｎ à ｌａ Ｇｒｅｎｏｕｉｌｌèｒｅ, which yes I realize technically would be read as Bread a la Grenouillere instead of a badass thing, but shut up- is the tree island thing in the center of the painting. It’s way scribblier than in the painting, though, with unintelligible love letters instead of leaves. The people in the painting are all stick figures wearing better-rendered clothing, and they turn into stick mermaids in the water that attack people- the witch’s familiars. (This witch is a Hive Mother youma, in Magical Burst’s parlance).

It’s not alone, though- apparently someone is already fighting the witch!

The mysterious girl seems to be begging the witch to stop attacking, trying to appeal to it with reason. This, of course, has little effect. On noticing Ibara, she waves, and tries to explain what’s going on.

Seina and Sakura follow into the barrier, with Yukari staying outside to keep watch for any evil megucas who might try to ambush the team while they’re inside. They both roll Real.

They manage to fend off the familiars and climb into a boat- and from there, we roll for our first Skirmish!

Ibara and Seina roll Go on the Offensive! Ibara scores a crit, getting two hits on the witch. Seina... fails her roll, so familiars sneak up and yank her off the boat and underwater. Sakura, then, rolls Protect Someone to ensure Seina doesn’t take a Personal Consequence from the fight- and nails the roll, saving her. (Which... I mean, a valid Personal Consequence is taking Trauma, and Seina has yet to acquire any totally harmless experience points of that sort, so was that really a heroic move???)

With the mystery girl’s additional Hit, the Skirmish ends with Spread+1 (only 2 Spread), and the witch is vanquished handily.

Ibara immediately rolls against the stranger to try and claim the Grief Seed.

Mystery girl gets the seed! She gets it real good! And she...

Whoever she is, she apparently knows about the cannibalism situation, and was worried that Ibara had dark intentions. 

The group tries to convince her that they’re on the same side- that they’re really just there to help, and didn’t want to eat... the girl’s referring to the former witch as “Ori-san”. ??? isn’t totally convinced- partially because the team showed up without an Incubator to revive her.

Wait, without an incubator? Yukari turns around to check where Nishi-chan should be, and... oh, shit.

At the same time, ??? is noticing that her Incubator- “Fumi-chan”- is also not showing up. This gets her a little bit panicked, especially once Yukari reports that Nishi-chan is temporarily dead for like the third fucking time, jesus christ. Everyone’s seriously on edge, ??? thinks they’re cannibals, and suddenly...

What everyone except Seina didn’t notice (good job Seina! +1 Hope for smartness!) is that telepathy was still working, meaning that an Incubator had to still be alive, probably.

This is confirmed when the source of the laughter turns out to be an incubator, who jumps out of the dugout laughing her goddamn head off. 

??? is about to hand the seed over to Fumi-chan, but Ibara interrupts, asking why Fumi-chan has two eyes instead of three. ???, though, doesn’t seem to find this strange- Fumi-chan’s always had two eyes. No reason to be suspicious.

Fumi-chan then spits out the soul gem, and- rather than any sort of horrible trap happening- it regenerates into a girl.

According to ???, this is pretty normal for Ori-san.

Yukari makes a guess. 

The team decides to warn Emiko about the cannibal girls who go to this school. She seems shocked by this information- but hints that maybe Orino, who was being bullied, was being bullied by those cannibal girls specifically so they could make her witch out and eat her.

Then the team asks Emiko to follow them somewhere where they can talk without potentially being ambushed by the cannibals- since it’s pretty suspicious that they haven’t shown up yet, what with the loud explosion sounds and whatnot. Emiko doesn’t immediately trust this- she still has no reason to think the party aren’t cannibals, and following them to a secluded area sounds to her like a bad bad idea.

Yukari comes up with an idea, then. She spends a prophecy on a certain action she’s about to take, and finds that the outcome-goodness stays pretty much neutral if she does it, save for a few significant but unlikely dips. She goes ahead with it.

This is a pretty cool idea, and Emiko is about to trust them! But...

Yeah, this piece of shit doesn’t want them to trust each other, for some reason. Yukari... attempts to bypass Fumi-chan’s objection.

Yukari’s extremely practical and effective idea to which there can be no objections is, unfortunately, sabotaged by Fumi-chan again.

(Behind the curtain for a second here- I typed out “Her body could be concealing traps” as just like, an obvious immediate generic objection to the search plan, and only after typing it realized the horrible offensive double-entendre. And then... kept it in, because Fumi-chan really is just a gigantic piece of shit who would absolutely make a godawful joke like that specifically to make Sakura feel bad. What a fucker!)

Sakura takes a point of Trauma on Fear of Female Failure, and Ibara tries to get things back on track.

This doesn’t entirely work, since Sakura has fled the scene in tears, pursued by Seina, but Yukari and Ibara fill Emiko in on the known identities of the cannibals- including Yamauchi Yoshe.

KOTONO YUKARI, MASTER OF TACT

Emiko is in denial about Yoshe, and starts getting really defensive. Yoshe can’t be a cannibal! She’s- she’s too nice! That’s impossible!!!

fuckin... shut your telepathic mouth, Fumi-chan.

Anyway, Emiko is eager to change the subject, and starts talking about taking care of Orino. They agree to let Emiko take the unconscious Orino to the nurse’s office. “Why’s she asleep, anyway?” someone asks.

They exchange contact information- and Emiko tells them what class she’s in.

So they head off, and Yukari and Ibara try to track down Sakura- who’s shut herself up in a bathroom to try and stave off a mental breakdown.

Seina gets there first.

Sakura’s about to confess something to Seina, but then Yukari, MASTER OF TACT, barges in with Ibara. They try to understand why Sakura is upset, but- since they don’t know Sakura’s trans, they don’t understand what Fumi-chan said to hurt her. 

Eventually, Sakura decides to confess to the entire group.

To the group’s credit, nobody is particularly upset by the revelation. There’s no “WHAT, you’re REALLY a BOY?!?” shit- but also, there’s not a lot in the way of emotional support for Sakura. Yukari’s attitude is essentially “What? Why would that bother you? Who cares? Fighting evil is more important!”, and it takes a while for anyone to interrupt her rant about how Sakura’s emotions don’t matter and she needs to suck it up. Sakura boils over and throws a candy axe at the wall, shattering a mirror.

This finally gets Ibara and Seina to speak up and object to what Yukari’s saying. They get Yukari to back off, and try to reassure Sakura while also clearing up what turned out to be a miscommunication. Yukari, who is about as capable of reading the mood as a cat would be of reading a “do not claw at” sign, had assumed that Sakura was literally scheming to assassinate an incubator rather than asking for emotional support- and changes her tune to “...well, duh, we’ll support you, that’s what friends do, you should have known that”. Which is kind of a really transparent attempt to deflect blame for hurting Sakura’s feelings, but apparently that’s good enough. Hugs for everyone!

They then spend something like fifteen minutes attempting to repair the broken mirror. Sakura’s magic, when used to repair objects, has an irritating tendency to leave them with a cartoon watermark of her face going ;P, completely without her intending to do so. (It’d be fine if she ever rolled an 11-14, but APPARENTLY THAT’S JUST IMPOSSIBLE). Ibara smashes and Sakura repairs the mirror over and over again, to no avail. The last attempt results in...

Screw the mirror! It probably just broke in the earthquake or something! Whatever!!!!

Seina, at this point, goes back to class- but the rest have one last loose end to tie up.

They head back up to the roof, where Nishi-chan’s corpse is still sitting. It is time for CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION: MAGIC VICTIMS UNIT (ft. guest star Maurice Mousse, Sakura’s magic familiar.)

Yukari takes some photos, and she and Sakura inspect the scene, passing Real rolls to investigate.

Yukari investigates the air conditioners, but doesn’t find anything. Maurice Mousse, Ace Pet Mouse Detective, manages to turn up a few clues.

Unfortunately, they don’t find enough information to determine the culprit. With magic involved, there’s any number of potential causes of death- they’ll just need to ask Nishi-chan next time she respawns.

The real mystery, though... why kill Nishi-chan, but not Yukari, who was right there when Nishi-chan was silently killed? Was she deliberately left alive? Why?

For now, the team’s gone back to what they were doing. Tune in next time, when... well, I won’t say what happens next time.

[junkdrawernoggin]

memories from when I was younger:

(please note, my dad and I get a long great now, but we both had severe mental health problems we were battling. Did not lead to a great relationship when I was little. My mom, sister and I barely talk. Live in seperate states now)

I couldn't read until about 2nd grade. I had been in speech therapy since I was in Kindergarten and I was already pretty well viewed by my family as the social kid who was a fucking dunce.

My older sister started reading very early on, and could read anything that took me days to read in about an hour. She did it pretty often to show off. I looked up to her like she was the greatest thing on God's green earth. She has autism, but she was a cute kid, great friend to have, and pretty popular. She didn't let anything stop her. My dad even started to believe that autism was the next evolution of humans simply based on how smart JoJo was for her age.

Meanwhile, I could barely read. Now, that was because everytime I tried to read my mom would laugh at me. Yup, she would laugh, and laugh, and then I would cry and give up. Because Everytime I messed up I went back to the start to try again. She thought that was very funny. I didn't do my homework because I didn't understand math. I basically did work for art, music and nothing else.

Well, eventually my Dad took Jo. As in, my sister had really bad anger management problems, and my mom couldn't really manage her anymore. He was married to my Stepmom at this point, and Jo seemed to do a lot better with them. Grades soared, reading got faster, teachers adored her, made some of the best friends she'd ever had, that sort of thing.

That was in 2nd grade for me

That was the year my dad shoved a paper upside down in front of me, and asked me to read it. I didn't understand what he was doing. He said "Well, maybe the reason you can't read, is because you're trying to read through the paper!" God, that was humiliating. My own dad thought that I was so fucking stupid, that I didn't even know what side of the paper I was supposed to read.

Then came the reading classes. My grade was dropping, and I hated all of my teachers. I became difficult to work with. I was so angry at everything in the world. Angry that my sister was perfect. Angry that my dad has swooped in and saved my sister, but didn't try to save me. Angry that my mom was never home, and when she was all she did was sleep and scream. Angry that I was this horrible monster that everyone gave up on, and I couldn't stop it.

Then came the first panic attack. Sitting with my friends at girl scouts, trying to sell cookies. My heart hurt so bad I thought I was dying. I hid behind a stack of sodas and hyperventilated. Nobody came to check on me. I had to walk to my Grandma and tell her I couldn't breathe.

And so I started therapy. I fucking hated her. She would tell me that I should try going out and doing stuff with my mom! Sureeee that'll work when she doesn't see me on weekends and pays attention to my sister when we do have weekends together. Sure. I'll be able to convince my mom I'm worth her time. AT EIGHT YEARS OLD. Yup, reasonable hopes to set for an 8 year old.

So, then came 4th grade. Got kicked out of class once a day. Hated everyone around me. I had two very good friends, that both came from these great sweet families. And I was so angry I just let it loose at them. Picked up a bully that year, Alana. Nobody ever did anything to help me. She screamed at me, hit me, threw me against the wall, was genuinely an awful human being. That. THAT is when my counselor had enough. I told me mom I was moving in with my dad that day after her birthday, and she just fuckin sobbed.

Moved in with my dad. He gave me another shot. And suddenly, I was a glory child. They checked and I had a college reading level. My dad made us read for an hour every night, and I would stay up till 11, or sometimes 12 (scandalous I know) reading, reading, reading. I read young adult books as thick as my fist. I read non fiction, fiction, biographies, everything. I was top of my class, I was a great singer, I made friends pretty quick on (had major trust issues tho, but hey, the effort was there). I was going to prove everyone wrong. Prove that I was worth something. Prove that I wasn't just going to be the amazing Jo's sister when I grew up. Still was always in her shadow though.

That is, until the first attempt (warning: suicide)

Now, at this point I was seeing a new counselor, I had been diagnosed with Social Anxiety, Generalized Anxiety, and Depression. But, I was pushing my way through every day. Jo however, was not. She started becoming the poster child for females with Autism for where we are from (an area known for work on autism, and a hub of autism speaks) my mom had her trial all kinda of meds, my dad had gone to all this different autism speaks stuff with her (didn't know what they were about) and my sister sort of became consumed by her illness.

She went to school in 7th grade, and walked out at lunch with my parents on the way to the child psych ward. She came in and told her favorite counselor that the voices were telling her to hurt people, so she was going to kill herself to make them shut up.

I didn't know until I came home and noticed both of my parents were there. Piles, and, piles and piles of notebooks that she had his were stacked all over the couch. Each carefully combed through looking for evidence, for a warning sign, for something we missed. I remember that my cousin and grandmother (stepmom's side) came over, while I ate an entire pizza by myself and cried.

Everything changed after that

She swore, cussed, fought, screamed. She became a menace. She hit my stepmom especially, hated my stepmom with everything she had. She hurt my mom too. Only person she wouldn't touch is my dad (my sister just really doesn't like girls to be honest). She beat the shit out of me all the time. We would play, and then she'd hit too hard, punch too hard, throw something at me. It was awful. But I was hush about it.

Fast forward to attempt #2.

She had been grounded consecutively for probably 6 months at this point, minor breaks in between. She was pretty terrible. She scared the shit out of me, and constantly started fights with my stepmom. We ended up calling the police when she punched my stepmom in the face. Scariest months of my life honestly.

The next day, I gave her my iPad. She was pretty much addicted to technology. I gave her my iPad so that she could have some fun for the day, and we could all chill out. I made dinner, and my dad was out of town on business (good time to mention that we had recently moved 1400 miles away. Both of us consented too it, I wanted to move really badly). I remember thinking that I did a really great job at dinner, and Jo and I had a really good conversation. My roommate was home with us too. She didn't eat much, which I thought was weird. And then she went upstairs and went to take a dump.

My stepmom got home, and she was wondering where Jo was. I thought it was weird too, because she'd been gone for awhile and left her food. I went upstairs to go get her because my stepmom wanted to talk.

The screen was missing.

The window was open and the screen was missing.

I checked everywhere, I was yelling, hysterical. I assumed she had run away. She'd tried to a couple times before, and I thought she finally did it. I came downstairs

"Jo's gone"

"what do you mean Jo's gone?"

"Jo's gone! I can't find her! The screen was pulled out, and I can't find her!"

My stepmom thought that maybe Jo was hiding. We checked EVERYWHERE. We made sure the bikes were still there, we made sure everything was where it was supposed to be. She left her shoes and wallet, so we were really confused.

My stepmom and roommate both got in their cars are started going up and down our main Street and community. No luck.

My roommate decided to check outside. Maybe she was waiting till we were asleep to run?

"Found her!" He was yelling.

My stepmom was on the phone with my dad. We had to try and get her inside, she refused to use her legs. She still has the scar from getting dragged up the steps and falling on one.

We sat her on the couch and she couldn't really talk, I thought she was in shock (didn't know you had to loose blood for that, forgive lil me)

I got her to write down what meds she had taken. My roommate called the paramedics because we thought they were gonna have to pump her stomach.

She had taken an entire discount (bigger size) bottle of melatonin. She had also taken my stepmom's hardcore pain meds from her recent surgery.

My dad was sobbing on the phone. Only time I have ever heard him cry. It was already late and he was a 6 hour drive away, but he still drove back that night. They took my sister out on a stretcher while my stepmom screamed at her. I was crying.

To be clear: we all know that she did not mean to kill herself. I looked on my iPad and it specifically said "how do you jump from a window without killing yourself". She even admitted to it later on. She did a drop hang from a 2 story floor to ceiling window and she's about 5'1. My sister is smart enough to know that it could not possibly kill her.

Guess there will be a part 2. This isn't really for anyone but me. I just need to get some things out that nobody has ever heard.