#not deathly allergic but bad enough that it was fucking with my head

[speakergame]

Bi-Weekly Update - 3/28/31

hello and happy spring!

This update was supposed to be last week, but I got my weeks backwards (I blame the combination of daylight savings time and spring break) so I'll do it this week instead 😅

Progress has been a little disjointed and uneven this month, but it's still going! I'm finishing up testing what I managed to get done so I can get it out onto Patreon in the next day or two, and then back to coding, coding, coding.

The good news is that I've made it through the crucible of March in an altogether better state than I was in this time last month, both mentally and physically. Only time will tell how much of a change that means, but I feel so much better now.

In personal news: Saturday, April 1st is A) the 2 year anniversary of Speaker's release on itch.io, and B) my 10 year wedding anniversary 💙

I think that's all I've got for this time. Back to work 😉 I hope the weather where you are has figured out what season it wants to feel like, and that you enjoy the rest of your week. Happy anniversary! And I'll see you all in April 💙💙💙

[elysia-nsimp]

And now, even MORE TWST as things my friends and I said!

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6

CW: stuff like. sex jokes and friendly bullying/threats (all lighthearted and in good fun)

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Yuu: And by that, I mean Jade

[THUNDER CRASHES OUTSIDE]

——

Idia: all condoms are recipes for allergic reactions to me though because I’m actually allergic to sex /j

——

Lilia: I have arriven

Lilia: it’s like arrived but fancier

——

Dude at school: HEY CAN YOU GRANT THREE WISHES

Lilia: three wishes?

Dude: yes

Lilia: Hmm… if you give me your name!

Dude: Great! My name’s Blake

Lilia: Be careful what you wish for.

…: I wish for a [describes a super specific car], enough money to buy a house, and a sailboat that can take me across the sea

Lilia: Great! Your car doesn’t work, you can only afford a tiny shitty ass house—

…: [LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF]

Lilia: And your sailboat will sink after one trip across the sea.

Lilia: Enjoy your wishes! And thanks for your name, I’ll take good care of it~

——

Floyd: My parents—who I KNOW can hear me right now—are going to be so disappointed when they start finding tiny plastic babies around the house. I will hide tiny plastic babies around the house. This is both a threat and a promise.

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Cater: Some people just know where they belong. Like me! I belong in horny jail.

Cater: Which is really ironic because I’m demi… it’s like I’m not usually horny, but then I really am!

——

Azul, playing DnD: My character lets out a shrek- SHRIEK-

Idia: Azul let out a SHREK /j

Idia: who let the dogs out but it’s badly rendered Shrek models t-posing /j

——

Cater, pointing at a drawing of a dead flower (x eyes and all): that’s me

——

Ruggie: I’m so fucking god that it’s cold

——

Azul: jumps several hundred of feet off a cliff, survives

Idia: mecore

Azul: WHA- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

——

Idia: CAUSE BABY TONIGHT, THE CREEPERS TRYING TO STEAL ALL OUR STUFF AGAAAAIIII-

Azul: I am going to slit your throat

——

Idia: this is so sad, Ortho play despacito

Idia: WAIT DONT ACTUALLY

Ortho: okay, playing Despacito

Idia: NOOO

Ortho: Aye~

Idia: SHUT UP. SHUT. UP.

——

Cater: WHY DO YOU KEEP REBLOGGING ALL THE POSTS I REBLOG

Ace, giggling:

Cater,giggling: IM REBLOGGING A GOUGER SO TJEN YOULL HAVE TO REBLOG A GOUGER

Ace, still giggling:

Cater: REBLOG THE GOUGER ACE

Ace, reblogging:

Both of them, giggling their asses off:

——

Azul: Im just gonna cross my fingers and hope that if I stop responding then you'll stop

Idia: blOWS UP, THEN YOUR HEALTH BAR DROPS YOU COULD USE A 1 UP

Azul: I was mistaken. I was very sadly mistaken

——

Lilia: Malleus, are you going through the five stages of grief right now?

Malleus: yea

Malleus: thnx for noticing

——

Ruggie: I'm deathly allergic to cats, if I eat a cat, I will die

——

Cater: if your house is on fire, and you got one of those little meow meows, just chuck it out the window, it'll be fine

——

Malleus: Yuu don’t do this, I might actually start crushing on you—this is a dangerous game. YUU BE CAREFUL

——

…(Blake): ELF- ELF EARS

…: OI

Lilia: Hm?

…, in a Scottish accent: Hi can I have more wishes :D

Lilia: Even after last time?

…: Ehhh, it worked out in the end!…. Eventually.

Lilia, shaking his head: So greedy…

——

Deuce: What is a socialist? And where can I buy one?

——

Ace: The girls are fighting and Barbie is winning

——

Idia: I had a depressive episode called “quarantine”

——

Kalim during CH4: Awww poor snake

Yuu: the SNAKE is making BAD CHOICES.

——

Lilia: Eating a plum at 3 am (gone wrong) (police called)

——

Deuce: crap

Riddle: LANGUAGE

Deuce: I JUST SAID CRAP

Ace: Fuck.

both gasp, then go incredibly silent.

Deuce: …

Deuce: LANGUAGE…

——

Leona, gesturing to Cheka: This child is a piece of shit. Get the parents involved before I fistfight him myself.

——

Vil: do you want to be the monster that runs into a wall and dies?

Lilia: YES????? HELLO????????

——

Ace: but was the grink there?

——

Jack: I promise I’ll protect you from Danny DeVito /gen

Yuu: thank you

——

Lilia: I need to do more roleplays in furry games

——

Ace: Fishing is like tinder for fish kissers

Floyd: fishr

Jamil: what

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Sebek: You’d think having longer ears would mean I could hear you better, but no, I have an auditory processing disorder.

——

Crowley: Number one! E! As in… E.

——

Cater: Can you feel it in your bones, Kalim

Kalim: I CANT. MY BONES ARE FAILJNG ME.

Kalim: I THKNK I HAVE A BONE DEFICIENCY

——

Cater, to Riddle: Don't be British in front of your mom

——

Floyd: Don't kidnap the local tiger, he doesn't wanna live in your bathroom!

Yuu: Why would you keep a tiger in your bathroom??

Floyd: Uhhhh.. um.. D- Don't ask questions you don't want answers to! A- And don't look in my bathroom!

——

Lilia: modern jesus is staring at me blankly. except modern jesus has no face.

——

Anyway that’s the end. I still have more. Plus a whole other server of quotes that I haven’t touched from a few years ago…

Already making another one bc I didn’t wanna put too many in this post lmao

Tags: @aetherphobia @thesunshineriptide @end3rm1st lmk if you wanna be tagged lmaooo

[capcavan]

7, 9, and 11 for your tag game 💜

nah love i need you to answer all of them but yeha only fair i do mine to lul

What is your favourite character in the Foxes? I don't really have favourite there i think Neil will be my favourite in future right now it's Renee

And favourite in the series aside form this one? I will let you guess

Drop your beloved head-canons about both! Renee does not in fact believe in god she participated in Christianity for sense of community it gives her, Riko is deathly allergic to peanuts and wishes he was born a girl but not in the trans way. He just know his life would be better if he wasn't a man. I also feel very strongly about him having adhd/bipolar .

Fic(s) you are always happy to recommend or fic tropes you will always read. https://archiveofourown.org/works/12283962/chapters/27922614#workskin Little Boy blue , I generally can be baited into reading any fic where riko is treated with bit more nuance than flat line Disney villain. I adore extreme hurt with happy ending

Which of the books is your favourite The foxhole court i enjoyed this story much more without seeing it's full development also loved Kevin much more before he was pushed aside, my first idea of what this story would be was much different .

Opinions on AFTG audiobook release? Worth a listen juts to laugh at girls voices , but i adore Renees soft tone in it, I think it,s main reason I adore her sm actually.

If you write/draw/create aftg stuff, what is your favourite work of yours?

i adore this fan art a lot bc it,s funny light hearted has clever joke that references rikos obsession with court numbers and has fox jean and riko on it + riko kind of looks like girl here and i think it's very hot look on him

welp the numbers got fucked

Favourite event/plot point in the books Foxes reaction to seths death and seth death, it set really god tone for rest of the story and was the only event that genuinely surprised me bc i did not expected anyone from hero team to drop dead

Least favourite part of canon (can include Extra content) The fact that both foxes and ravens are groups of abused individuals but one word ,, mafia" is enough to put blame for all bat things on riko only even though he was pawn to his caretaker the way she wrote jeans abuse list it feels excessively edgy for sake of begin edgy i find nothing deep or sad about this i can also write down random list of numbers and attach to it words like rape and broken bones

If you could sent Nora an ask and get answer, what would you ask about? i wouldn't ask about anything bc her giving me answer i'm not looking for would feel bad

If you could make an idea of your choice canon to aftg, what would it be? I'd have a riko make a joke about how foxes should be in prison by now considering they are dressed the part (orange) (and most of them broke the law) id also replace neils car lighter burns with something else bc they are annoying to draw

Feel free to share some random hot takes if you like Andrew "murdering" their abusive mother is creepy as fuck and her being abuser or him only teenager with not fully developed brain is not really making this any less creepy and i enjoy his character because of this I don't mind aaron being homophobic , i'm cool with those character being murderers abusers and bigots , it's fictional characters they had not hurt anyone in real life so i don't really care about their fictional flaws and enjoy interacting with their content all the same I don't like only one of the foxes and i don't think this fox should be part of this team i don't really care about story and whatever, it's my personal bias so discussing it deeper makes no sense unless you want to unpack my past and all people who lead me to feel that way rlly

[kenzumekodma]

18+, minors & ageless blogs dni

pairing: shoyo hinata x fem!reader

wc: 1122

warnings: public sex, reader is lifted up and fucked against a wall but man’s a beefy athlete, fingering, unprotected sex (remember, safe sex is important irl)

find the rest of my kinktober masterlist here!

Deep bass beats work their way through your body as you look around the halloween party for someone you know. You and your roommate Kenma had been roped into hosting by virtue of renting a whole house rather than an apartment, but you hadn’t seen him all night. You bump into countless professional athletes who, if you hadn’t been so used to Bokuto and Kenma’s ex-volleyball player friends coming over often, would have intimidated the living fuck out of you. As you round the corner to lean against the wall, a man you vaguely recognize with tanned skin and orange hair approaches you with a bright smile.

“Hey, you’re Kenma’s roommate, right? I’m Hinata, Shoyo Hinata. I like your costume!” he says, and you wonder if he’s always this energetic. You look down at your costume, not having thought about your all black ensemble. Fishnets, boots, a short skirt, and an oversized black sweater tucked into it, complete with cheap vampire fangs and red contacts. Minimal effort, maximum comfort.

“Thanks, I like yours too,” you smile. “And yeah, I am.” His name finally rings a bell as you remember the friend in Brazil Kenma had mentioned sponsoring a few years back. “You’re a volleyball player, too, right?”

“Yeah! Well, I mean, tonight I’m a mafia guy, but every other day of the year, yeah.”

“You look too sweet to be in the mafia,” you tease. “Like the only way you can kill someone is if they’re deathly allergic to sunshine.” Pink crosses his cheeks.

“You don’t think I look intimidating?” he asks.

“It’s not necessarily that, you’re, uh, beefy,” you say, feeling yourself flush a little bit at the cringeworthy words tumbling out of your mouth. “But I don’t think you could do anything even frowned upon,” you finish. Mischief gleams in his eye as he looks you up and down.

“Is that a challenge? I’m a pretty competitive man, I’ll have you know,” he says, backing you into the wall.

“Prove me wrong, then?” you breathe out, and that’s all it takes for him to take your face in his hands and meld your lips together. Hinata reaches under your skirt to cup your covered pussy.

“These expensive?” he asks against your lips, toying with the fishnet stockings at the apex of your thighs. You shake your head, giving him silent permission to rip the flimsy tights at the seam.

Two strong fingers spread apart and you feel the fishnet holes popping apart one by one. Hastily, he pushes your panties aside, digits ghosting along your clit and lower lips until he’s satisfied you’re dripping enough for him to push one finger into your tight entrance. His breath is sweet and hot against your neck as he eagerly explores your body.

“Should, should we be doing this here?” you ask.

“I don’t mind if you don’t. Do you?”

You shake your head and wrap your hands around the back of Hinata’s neck, pulling him into a heated kiss.

“Good girl,” he chuckles against your lips. Is this really what good girls do? You’re not sure, but if it is, you never want to be bad again in your life.

You choke out a moan as his fingers curl inside you, catching against your walls where your sweet spot lies. Looking as if he’s discovered a secret, a sly grin tugs at Hinata’s lips. Slowly, he pulls his fingers out of you, dragging deliciously along your plush cunt. He holds them up in front of you, spreading them so you can see the silvery string of your slick still connecting them. You part your lips to complain, to beg for more, to tell him you feel so empty without his thick fingers molding you to fit him and only him. Before you can speak, he’s pushing his fingers against your tongue, stuffing your mouth full, and slotting his thigh between your legs.

Without prompting, you roll your hips forward, no doubt staining what looks to be expensive dress pants with the evidence of your arousal. Salty sweetness invades your senses as you ruin yourself on Hinata’s thigh. You look at him with pleading eyes, and finally, finally, the athletic man takes mercy on you. It only takes a few seconds before he’s discreetly undone his pants, hard cock springing free.

“Do you trust me right now? Yeah? Wrap your legs around me, both of them.”

You’re hesitant, and you’re sure it shows on your face and in your halfhearted movements.

“You think I can’t take it? I’m not made of glass, pretty girl,” he assures you, and you look, really look, at his body. While he is on the shorter side, he’s stockier, too. Toned and muscled from years of athletics peeking out of his shirt, and his legs, between your own, thick and strong. You take a deep breath through your nose and relent.

His free arm wraps around your waist, hoisting you into the air without much effort at all, your back pressed against the wall. You reach in what little space is left between your bodies and guide him into your wet heat. Muffled groans seep out from around Hinata’s fingers as he slides inch by punishing inch into you, stretching you even more than his fingers had. You swirl your tongue around his fingers and begin to suck, eliciting a broken groan from him. His thrusts are deep by virtue of your position, and you find yourself wondering how he’d fuck you if you were alone, not surrounded by dozens of people, bumping into you and either not knowing just what’s going on or being too drunk or hazed to care.

All thoughts rush from your head as the head of his cock brushes against your cervix, and you grind down on him as best as you can without leverage, getting the friction you want so badly from the base of Hinata’s cock. You clench and flutter around him, making him drive into you quicker, sloppier, as you both care less and less about being caught and more about being fucked senseless.

Hinata’s the first to cum, spilling his hot release inside you. You follow almost immediately, the warmth spreading throughout your lower half tipping you just over the breaking point. He pulls his fingers from your mouth and presses breathless kisses to your lips, letting his cock soften and slide out from you. You can feel the thick gobs of sticky white slide down your thighs as he sets you down and you wobble. He catches you, and chuckles. You look him in the eye, unusual confidence pulling to the surface.

“So, uh… Did you want a tour of the house? I can show you my room.”

[the-satellite]

Hello friends and welcome to ☆Hateful Nostalgia☆. I was exposed to the mob talker mod WAY too young bc I was an unsupervised child on the internet watching mod showcases and SkyDoesMinecraft. Looking back these sucked, the stories were often bland and the designs were milk toast at best and tits out at worst. So for the sake of procrastinating on working on anything substantial I grabbed the main 6 I remembered and gussied em up. Redesigns, rewrites, better names, all that bullshit. If your interested in better photos, design notes, story details and rambling hit the basement, otherwise here's a line up you should click for better quality.

Also I wrote all this once before already but I deleted it like a dumb bitch. On the night Unus Annus was murdered in front of my eyes no less. Was a rough fuckin night.

The Creeper- Kupa. An explosive pyromaniac with a habit of making empty threats and yelling. She protects what she believes to be her territory with a suicidal passion, but if you manage to get her to cool down and soften up she's pretty sick to hand out with. Hard of hearing, has at least one bout of head trauma at all times, and deathly allergic to cats.

Because the creeper is kinda the og I wanted to reference AT2's design more than the others, but I'm p sure the only thing I actually kept was the red hair and brown gloves. Otherwise I was doing whatever. I really wanted to lean into the explody bit of creepers, so I gave her some bite and dressed her in clothes referenced from Irish railroad workers. This may also be why I keep imaging her with a very heavy Irish or Scottish accent, whichever would be most incomprehensible when angry. Every color but her skin was color picked from one of the references, with some minor alterations for makes my eyes happy reasons.

With Kupa I imagine a story line with her would largely be about her as a character and her development than like an actual adventure narrative like everyone else. She starts off ready to blow up both you and herself in a misguided attempt to defend what she sees as her's and opens up and learns not everyone is out to get her. Lots of time taken to understand her childhood and how she ended up how she is. Very simple, probably the default or tutorial run people would go through.

The Zombie- Bee. The ill husk of a missing explorer suffering from a less than conventional appetite. She wallows in her self imposed loneliness, believing herself to be an irredeemable monster doomed to hurt those around her. What she really needs is a buddy and some clue to who she used to be. Rough voiced, chronically fatigued, and prone to spontaneous combustion in sunlight.

 I definitely consider this one the weakest for design sadly. I imagined Zombies as humans who went into strange caves and caverns and didn't come out for years, only to pop up as completely different people. I just tossed AT2's design. The first thing I did was make her a bit of a genderbent Steve and tinted her green bc Zombies in game are just Steve but green. Tore up her clothes, colored picked the darkest colors I could from the clothes on the in game and boom, Bee. I do vaguely regret not making her eyes pure black but I also still wanted her to be human enough to fit with the other overworld mods.

 Ok so Bee actually has a basic story. When you meet her she's aggressive, but as a warning. She fears the possibility she may hurt somebody so heads for threats immediately. Going back and forth between her cave and village for a while you learn more about the situation with the missing folks who come back and Bee as a person. After a bit you pick her up off her depressed ass and start a nocturnal adventure of refinding your past, adapting to who your becoming, overcoming self destuction, and slow burn babey!!! 

The Skeleton- Ulna. One of the few surviving warriors of a now destroyed kingdom and dead culture. She spends most of her time now traveling alone, hiding in trees and shooting anything see sees as a threat- which is everything- in the face with homemade arrows. Very much suffering from loss of her home and a bad case of lost purpose. A woman of few words, very antisocial, and naturally nocturnal.

 I came in with the Skeleton wanting to make her seem mysterious, so my first thought was immediately a cloak and a mask, but I wanted her face to like be visible so I went with the face paint. I didn't actually know that I wanted to do under there so I went with wraps that are reminiscent of the original outfit but still not tits out bc it's so fucking easy! Gave her a quiver, color picked the cloak and face paint from the in game model and the wraps from AT2'S art. I did like. Subconsciously draw her eyes the way I do Asian characters but I didn't have anything specific in mind so like go nuts with what you think she is.

 Ulna's deal is very much her lack of purpose or home and the entire thing is about finding that again. She's found sitting up in a tree during a storm pointing a bow and arrow into your face. She eventually let's you stick around until the storm is over and theres some bonding into deep night until the rain stops. You ask if she wants to come with on your little travelling sword for hire business, she says sure, sleep schedule shenanigans, backstory angst, and road trip bonding happens and she eventually decides that helping people is her new purpose and you're her new home

The Spider- Park. A young adult experiencing the world for the first time through her tribe's rite of passage. She's really just trying to figure out how to live life outside of the cave she's been stuck in her entire life and aggressively trying to be an independent adult despite not knowing anything about being an independent adult. Its projection. Blind in the daylight, naive and excitable, and taken to refusing help at her own risk.

 Ok so. I don't know who looked at the spider and said "purple haired loli with puffy pants" so I once again yeeted the whole thing, only really keeping the kinda cutesy and childish bits. Spiders are a tribe of humans what live in caves unless they've broken off to live on the surface. Kids are kept inside until they hit a certain milestone, where they come up to explore at night. They're usually small and pale, but are pretty kickass when necessary. Again picked the colors off the in game model, played with the lightest gray for the skin, and bc I couldn't figure out anyway to use the stripes so they're on the patches lol.

 Park's meeting is probably the funniest and most meet cute one here, in that she accidentally drops on top of you from a little cliff drop off. Cue loads of apologies and an explanation about the spider deal and being blind in light. She asks for some help getting around and bam babey friendship and emotional attachment! What follows is kinda a buddy of coming of age story with the obligatory goes home and is miserable scene. Generally it's just about being a scared young adult and having someone to fall back on and why that's important. Also crushes and young people being bad at that.

 The Blaze- Amber. A demonic entity who would let the world burn and the sun die if it meant she'd get her soul back. She's known for being ruthless, taking souls through force instead of making deals like other Blazes. Keeps this forceful nature even once she's become friendly, makes you do dump shit. Territorial, eyes glow and dim with her life, and runs remarkably warm.

 Amber here is the first one I actually did! I was just. Really tired that she was in a bikini. I decided early on I wanted overworld mobs to be human and everyone else was decidedly not, so Blazes are demons who gave up their souls under false pretenses to other Blazes. Because of how little clothes AT2's design wore I had essentially free reign and my thought was immediately to lean on golden knight bc of how Blazes are found protecting fortresses. The gold isn't picked from anything bc I was looser with the colors, but everything else is, and the hair is supposed to represent the smoke. Also the sticks in her hair are blaze rods bc I don't like them just floating around her.

Amber is found in the Nether obviously, protecting a fortress and immediately trying beat your ass and either incinerate you or make you give up your soul. During you prove yourself a p damn good fighter and she makes a deal to show you how Blazes exist and pursade you to give your soul up willingly. Bonding happens and she explains where the souls go and what happened to her. Insert line about how she dug in the sand for her soul until her fingers bleed bc I'm an Arcana freak lol. In general I'd just like her to learn to adapt to who she is now and learning to live life well instead of letting her anger burn her up from the inside out.

 The Enderman- Violet. A confused but sweet young bit of void created by and connected to the Ender Dragon. Her relationship with reality is tenuous at best and abusive at worst, making stable existence rather difficult. She doesn't know a name, age, gender, anything about herself aside from that she likes sweaters. Communicates primarily through psychic connections, docile and sweet, and melts like a witch in water.

 Violet was incredibly easy, so this may be way short. Endermen are decidedly human shaped void from the End with varying sentience. They're direct extensions of the Ender Dragon, and nobody knows how they're made or where they come from, not even they do. Adventurers who escaped The End say they seem scared of it though. Violet in particular is pretty damn new and extraordinary nonconforming, and I tried to show that with her sweater and ponytail. Once again, literally all colors picked. Definitely the simplest but one of my favs.

Violet is the sweetest meet up I think. As your traveling between villages you notice a strange enderman watching you and plant a little flower in front of her. She picks it and you hear a happy little trill come from you and a pretty voice say thank you in your head. Now you have a tall dark teleporting travel buddy! After a little bit of back and forth she tells you in some broken English that the Ender Dragon made her but she doesnt know how, and that it's bad and needs to be killed for the sake of Endermen and that's the new goal. Spoiler they're the corrupted souls of those that died fighting it, with it gone Endermen are free to exist as their own being and do whatever, hurray!

[drawlfoy]

Kricowl

masterlist

request guidelines

yes i’m actually back now lol

also this gif is the most adorable thing i’ve ever laid eyes on i love it to the pit of my soul 

pairing: draco x grangertwin!reader

request: yes! thank you!

summary: reader is a gryffindor along with hermione. she originally shares her twin sister’s feelings about draco, but then when she sees something one day her opinions change...but the question is will it be mutual?

warnings: cursing. if you’ve read any fics before you know me well enough by now to assume

a/n: heyyy i’m back!! i finished my act on saturday without too much trouble. i either did really well or painfully mediocre. it totally depends on how good my guessing skills were that day. also, i’ve started a new job, which has been fun but has also filled up my schedule more than i would’ve liked. i’m back now, and you’ll notice that my fics are a little longer. i’m no longer planning on publishing 1-2 fics a day. instead i think i’ll write longer ones over the span of a couple days. thanks for reading, and as always, requests are open! i’ll try to burn through my current ones too, so if you’re still waiting on a request, it’ll be out in the near future!

music recs: i’m literally listening to creepy reddit stories asmr lol

word count: 4,317 (wow! longest one shot i’ve written!)

“Y/N!”

Hermione’s voice rang out from across the courtyard, pulling Y/N’s attention away from the little robin chirping excitedly at her from the bushes. 

“We’re waiting!”

Y/N rolled her eyes. Hermione and her obsessive scheduling.

“I’ll meet you there later, ‘Mione! I’m busy right now!” she yelled back, hoping that the robin wouldn’t fly away from her raised voice.

“Suit yourself!” 

With that, Hermione dragged Ron and Harry off to somewhere else, no doubt the library. Or perhaps the kitchens, if it was Ron putting the destination requests in. 

Y/N turned back to the robin in bush, still waiting and staring at her expectantly.

“You’re a smart little thing, aren’t you?” she cooed, fishing through her pockets. The packet she was looking for was in there somewhere. 

As she searched, she noted that the robin had an interesting mark on his orange chest--an odd sprinkling of grey feathers across the middle. The color difference only served to make the little bird more endearing.

Y/N’s fingers closed around the packet, sighing in relief and pulling it out.

The robin chirped when it saw the crushed peanuts, hopping on a branch just a tad closer.

“Easy, there,” she mumbled. “Give me a moment, darling. I just need to open it.”

Once she succeeded, she placed the peanuts on a branch close to the robin, smiling as the bird hopped closer and began to feast. 

“What are you doing?” 

Y/N spun around to see the last person she wanted to see--a confused but flushed Draco Malfoy, wearing that stupid fur hat and black leather gloves to ward off the cold weather.

“Being a charitable person, Malfoy,” Y/N snapped back, motioning to the bird, who was just about to finish up the peanuts.

“No!”

Y/N jumped, shocked at the sudden burst of energy from Malfoy. She watched, stunned, as the blonde boy leapt forward, snatching the bird before it could fly away.

“What the fuck, Mal-”

“Are you trying to kill this poor thing?!”  Malfoy cut into her exclamation. He was suddenly frantic, attempting to steady the bird in one hand and locate his wand in the other.

“What are you talking about? I feed robins peanuts all the time, they love them.”

“Are you daft, Y/N?” Malfoy snapped. “This isn’t a robin! Look at the grey feathers on its chest! This is a Kricowl, it’s not a robin! It’s deathly allergic to peanuts!”

“A what?”

“Shut up and grab my wand out of my pocket!”

Y/N had never seen her arch-nemesis look so scared as she reached in his pocket. The lining of his pockets was soft and felt obnoxiously expensive. His coat probably cost more than the price of everything in her room combined.

She pressed his wand into his free hand and watched as he pressed the bird down on the table next to them, muttering incoherent spells under his breath. Within a few seconds, the bird opened its mouth and began heaving, chunks of peanut coming out completely undigested. 

Stealing a look at Malfoy’s face, Y/N was stunned to see how concerned he looked for the little bird, even going as far as to reach out and stroke the soft, orange belly of the Kricowl. She could’ve sworn that she heard him whisper a pained “don’t you worry, you’ll be alright”.

Once the bird had seemed to expel all of the nuts it had consumed, Malfoy turned to her again.

“Go to the potion supply cupboard and bring back some knotgrass, you hear me?” 

Y/N turned and sprinted to the potions classroom, her sassy comebacks dying on the inside of her cheeks. It had become abundantly clear to her that Malfoy was not messing with her--why else would he have asked her to reach into his pocket?

She returned a few moments later, holding the knotgrass out to the blonde. He grabbed one of the leaves, twisting it over the bird’s mouth and landing a drop of something into its open beak. 

Within seconds, the bird was back on its feet and flying up, far away from both of the students.

“I had no idea,” Y/N breathed. 

“I mean...” Malfoy gave her a sideways glance. “I can’t blame you. It’s not like it’s your fault you were born inferior.”

Y/N bit the inside of her cheek as she thought. 

“But it’s your fault you’re such an intolerant ass,” Y/N responded. “I bet that Kicrowl is the only thing on this campus that appreciates you.”

“Kricowl. And thank you for your input, I value it so, so highly.”

With that, the blonde huffed and turned, sauntering off to wherever rich purebloods went after they said their mandatory bigoted remark of the day.

♥♥♥♥

Y/N had only ever spoken to Pansy Parkinson directly once, and that was plenty enough for her, thank you very much. Her vile nature was something that made Y/N wish she was a Kricowl gorging itself on peanuts. The one time they interacted had been when Parkinson had sat in Y/N’s newly assigned seat in potions in the beginning of term. Y/N had kindly asked for her to move, to which she had responded, “Sorry, I have trouble hearing those with with bad breeding. Can you come again?”

Y/N had sat in a different chair that day and for the rest of the days remaining. It wasn’t that she was afraid of Parkinson--no, she just had better things to do. It was so much more fun to goof off with Harry, Hermione, and Ron than to sit and plot her revenge. That was a Slytherin school of thought, and there was a reason why Y/N was a Gryffindor along with her sister. 

Unfortunately, she was unable to keep this quiet streak going with Parkinson. 

It was a crisp February morning, and Y/N was on her way to her first class when she heard yelling from her left. Swinging around. she saw Pansy shrieking at a pair of two young Hufflepuffs. She moved closer to investigate and soon realized that a crowd was forming around them, a group of interested students who were too afraid to step in. The Slytherins were grouped on one end, laughing like sadists and watching as Pansy’s comments caused one of the girls to start tearing up. 

Y/N moved closer, leaning her head in to hear what they were saying.

“-and YOU have the audacity to trip me!”

“It was a mistake, I swear! Like I said, I didn’t mean to!” the young Hufflepuff cried out, her voice jumping up a few octaves.

“No matter! I’m not attending a school where Hufflepuff halfbloods can get in my wa-”

“Excuse me?”

Y/N stepped into the circle the students had formed before she could stop herself, bracing herself for the impact to come. 

“I don’t believe I was talking to you, mudblood,” Pansy spat, digging her heels in and puffing out her chest.

Ignoring what the pureblood had just said to her, Y/N began, addressing everyone standing around the scene.

“Listen, can we just admit what Pansy is too embarrassed to?” 

Whispers began filling the crowd. Pansy looked like she didn’t quite know what to do.

“The Hufflepuffs didn’t trip her,” Y/N said, motioning to the two quivering girls next to her. “It’s her heels. We’ve all seen it. Pansy can’t walk in them, but she still insists on wearing them every day.”

Pansy stiffened up, glaring at Y/N, and then trying to glance anonymously at her feet, clad in heels that were ill suited for school. Everyone else in the crowd did the exact same thing. Laughter rippled through the courtyard as people began to remember all the times they saw Pansy stumble around in her shoes. 

Pansy turned a tomato red, spinning around and darting off, at least as fast as she was able considering her footwear. 

Y/N turned and left as well, but not before she noticed a pair of steel-grey eyes staring curiously at her. 

♥♥♥♥

As the days grew longer, Y/N became aware of Pansy’s wrath. The brunette would show up out of nowhere and mess with her by casting little spells to cause embarrassing wardrobe malfunctions or ruin her hair day and even trying to trip her herself. 

Y/N, on the other hand, had other things to be concerned with. 

One day in Charms class, Y/N found herself staring at a certain boy across the room as he lazily practiced Aquamenti.

His pale, slender fingers loosely gripped his wand while his cheek rested on his other hand, tilting his head slightly to the side. There was a peculiar way in which he scrunched his nose as he cast the spell over and over again, each time performing it perfectly. 

Y/N allowed herself to gaze at him for as long as it took for him to fully fill the goblet in front of him with water from the repeated Aquamenti charm, and when Malfoy finally lifted his head up from his hand and glanced over in her direction, she snapped back to attention, pretending to be intently practicing the spell herself.

Gulping, Y/N tried to fight back the blush that rose on her cheeks as she felt the boy’s eyes drag over her. Was he looking at her? She couldn’t say for sure, she was trying so hard to pretend like she hadn’t just been caught staring that she couldn’t naturally look up to see where Malfoy was looking, not now. 

She froze in her chair as she noticed the blonde get up from his chair and make his way over in her general direction.

No, no, no, there was no way, you’re just overanalyzing, there’s no reason why he’d come over here. 

Turning her head, she pretended to rummage through her satchel to pull out a quill for no real reason.

“Is there something in my teeth? Or do you just have a problem with my wand work?”

Y/N jolted, snapping her head back up to see Malfoy standing before her, calmly staring down at her. He was, impressively, much taller than she was. 

This is no time to be thinking of that.

“I have no clue what you’re talking about.” Y/N rolled her quill in between her fingers under the table in an attempt to her hide her nervousness.

“Oh? So why were you staring at me?” Malfoy adopted a rather amused face as Y/N was taken aback from his forwardness.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she retorted, setting her jaw and placing a hand on her hip. 

Malfoy’s lip quirked as he looked her up and down, apparently thinking about what he was going to say next. 

“Whatever you say, Y/N.” 

With that, Malfoy stalked back to his rightful desk, leaving Y/N shocked at the fact that he called her something other than Granger.

♥♥♥♥

It had taken Y/N a while, but when all she could think about was how soft Draco’s hair would feel if she ran her fingers through it, she had to admit that she had begun to nurture a crush on the intolerable pureblood. 

She didn’t know what started it, but she had a hunch that it had to do with his actions that day on the courtyard where he saved that bird, whispering those gentle phrases to it when he thought she couldn’t hear. Or perhaps it was the fact that he was referring to her by her first name now, and the way that it rolled off his tongue was so enticing--so pristine that it made her feel lucky.

She knew it wasn’t right. It was immoral to fall for the boy who had made her sister’s life hell for the better part of 5 years. She knew better than her inner instincts to save the “bad” boy. She knew that Draco was very popular with girls and that if she wanted him, she’d have to get in the back of a very impressive line of girls with more money and better families. 

But a stubborn part of her prodded these doubts away, reminding her of how many times she thought she had seen Draco staring at her out of the corner of her eye, how many times he “accidentally” brushed past her in the hallway. Granted, all of the incidents could’ve been sheer luck and, besides, she was far too shy to talk to him anyways.

So, as any rational 15 year old girl would do, she decided that there was no harm in pursuing him in her imagination. The deal was simple--she wouldn’t make a single move on him in real life, but her daydreams were fair game.

And so, it began. Y/N spent those few precious moments before she drifted off into sleep indulging in her most shameful desires. She imagined what it would feel like to run her fingers through the Slytherin Prince’s hair, to softly trace the outlines of his cheekbones. She wondered if his hands would be cool or warm to the touch, whether or not the icy paleness of his skin was any indicator to either of the options. She imagined that his skin would be soft from the expensive wizard soaps he’d use religiously. She imagined how he’d take his tea--strong with no sugar. 

Her feelings began to collide with reality whenever she ran into Draco in classes, He seemed more interested in tormenting the Golden Trio than he was in the earlier part of the year, forcing Y/N to acknowledge the uglier side of the boy whose lovely eyes she dreamed of at night. However, to her surprise, he never once uttered the word “mudblood” in her presence. In fact, she couldn’t even pinpoint the last time he had said it. 

His taunts became less about her sister’s blood inferiority, morphing into rather clever, witty, and biting remarks about the trio’s irritating amount of self-importance and righteousness. 

As much as Y/N hated to admit it, she agreed with some of it. Hermione, Ron, and Harry were all lovely people, but she often felt left out. Since Hermione had met them first, they grew closer to each other than they did to Y/N. They were plenty civil to her, but not as interested in actually being her real friend.

Not that she didn’t mind too much. She already got enough attention being vaguely connected to Harry. She didn’t know how she could handle being a target for all the anti-Potter propaganda and was much more content being as off the map and incognito as possible. 

But at the same time, it was a little sad whenever she saw the trio gain all the glory. They’d sneak into the common room late at night every once in a while, giddily whispering about some secret mission they were on that Hermione refused to tell her twin. 

“It’s not that I don’t trust you,” she would always say. “It’s just that if you were to slip anything to the wrong type, we’d be in big trouble.”

So in other words, Hermione just didn’t trust her to stay quiet. 

♥♥♥♥

Y/N laid on her back, staring up at her dorm ceiling and wishing for sleep to take her away. She’d accidentally blown up at ‘Mione when her sister had made a rather condescending remark regarding her potion brewing skills by telling Ron to not copy Y/N’s movements because “there’s no telling if she’s even remotely following the directions”. 

Y/N had snapped and told her sister off, calling her an insecure prick that only felt smart when she was putting herself above others.

“You know,” Y/N had told her, “people who are actually wise don’t feel the need to boast about it.”

Hermione had turned beet red, huffing and putting her back to her sister. Not a single member of the Golden Trio attempted to talk to Y/N after that, not even during meals. 

The true weight of her mistake was now heavy on her chest as she came to the realization that some of the most well known and well liked kids in her house were no longer speaking to her and that this was causing a good portion of her other friends to regard her with caution. She had eaten in silence that evening, studied in solitude, and sat up in her bed alone instead of joining the congregation in the common room. 

Now, not even her imaginary Draco would concern himself with her as she lay in the dark.

You git she thought. I created you, and this is how you repay me?

She’d been in her dorm for over three hours now. Sleep absolutely refused to pull her away, restlessness instead welcoming her with its open yet uncomfortable arms. Her sheets were far too warm for a spring evening and she had turned her pillow over to the cold side so many times that there was no cold side left to speak of.

Finally, with nowhere else to go, she decided to just get out of bed and take a walk. The brisk air would do her nothing but good, and if she was caught by a member of the inquisitorial squad, then at least she’d have some human contact to speak of for the day. 

♥♥♥♥

Y/N found herself at the top of the Astronomy Tower, absentmindedly looking for constellations and failing miserably. She’d nearly failed any question on an exam pertaining to astrological features. 

There was something relaxing and careless about the soft breeze licking at her face. It reminded her that nature didn’t care about her shortcomings or her sharp tongue. She was alive and breathing, and that’s all it took for the universe to allow her to see a beautiful night sky full of stars.

“I never thought of you as someone who breaks curfew.”

The familiar, snooty tone of Draco Malfoy’s voice broke the comforting silence. 

“Aahh!” Y/N yelped, jumping and grabbing onto the railing to prevent her from falling to her death. “Don’t sneak up on me anymore! I could’ve died!”

Draco let out a dark chuckle, propping his own arm on the railing and looking her up and down.

“Well, rest assured,” he told her. “I’m not the one with the murder plot. That’s Pansy. Watch your goblet in the dining hall, will you?”

Y/N couldn’t decipher if he was telling the truth or not, but looking him up and down, she observed that there wasn’t a trace of malice in his expression.

“Are you telling me the truth?” she asked, feeling her defensiveness drain out of her tone.

“Believe it or not, yeah,” Draco drawled, shifting his position so his elbow was supporting his body weight on the railing and his chin was being propped up by his hand in a very similar fashion to that one time in Charms. Now his height was a little closer to Y/N’s, and she could look him in the eyes without turning her chin up too far. “She won’t shut up about how she’s learned how to brew this potion that’ll make all your hair fall out or something. So just...I don’t know, watch out.”

“Aren’t you gonna take me to Umbridge?” Y/N asked, forgetting what he was telling her once she saw the moonlight reflecting off of his inquisitorial squad badge.

“Nah, I’m not in the mood to see that hag tonight.”

A laugh escaped her lips before she could stop it. 

“Oh. Thank you.”

The words felt foreign to Y/N. Things had really taken a turn for the worst--she had spent the past two months relentlessly daydreaming of the boy who bullied her twin, and now she was thanking him. 

Silence hung between the two, and to make things a little less awkward, Y/N turned her body away from him to look up at the sky. 

“Kill any Kricowls recently?” Y/N nearly jumped again when she felt a finger lightly poke her arm.

“Oh....no, I haven’t been feeding any birds peanuts anymore,” she confessed, turning again to meet the boy’s eyes. “I’m starting to realize how much I don’t actually know about the world.”

Draco regarded her curiously for a few moments.

“You’re nothing like your sister, you know,” he finally told her. 

“What do you mean?” Y/N couldn’t decide if this was a compliment or a thinly veiled slight.

“I mean, you accept the fact that there are things that you may not know,” he began. “I’ll be completely honest--I don’t tease Grang--your sister because of her blood type. That played a role when I was a little younger, but now it’s more because she’s an insufferable know it all that’s all holier-than-thou and probably wouldn’t have even let me get close to that Kricowl.”

“I can’t stand her sometimes,” Y/N whispered, looking down at the floor so she wouldn’t have to meet Draco’s piercing eyes. “I know it’s awful because I support the political cause that they support but they’re so...exclusive. I make one mistake and I’m out. There’s no room for accidents when you’re not in the trio.”

From her vantage point, she could see Draco nervously rolling his wand around in his free hand. 

“They aren’t very respectful to you,” he said after a few painful seconds of silence. 

“Well, it’s not like you’re a saint either.” Y/N dared to glance up at him to see a glimmer of hurt flash across his face.

“I know.” He shuffled his feet. “I’m sorry.” 

Y/N, stunned, jerked her head back up.

“You’re what?”

“Merlin, I didn’t think it was that monumental,” Draco mumbled. “I said, I’m sorry. Please forgive me for whatever nasty things I’ve said to you in the past. I’ve been trying to read more about why pureblood prejudice is the way it is, and I learned that.....er...”

Y/N noticed that he was struggling to get out what he was saying.

“You can’t tell anyone this, not right now at least, alright?” Draco nervously stuck his hand out. 

“Sure I won’t.” Y/N took his hand and shook it, noticing how she was right--his hand was soft and supple, warm enough to be pleasant but not enough to be sweaty. 

“Well I did some more research, and I learned that my family actually has some muggle blood in it...like, there’s a lot of half-bloods that married muggles and branched out, but they were still Malfoys at birth.”

Y/N gaped at him.

“And I don’t really enjoy hypocrisy, so I’ve...er...been kind of trying to reconstruct my political views.” 

“Good for you.” 

Y/N sat there for a little bit, grappling with all the information he’d just told her.

“Pinch me.” Her voice rang out before she could stop it.

“What?” Draco stared at her in wide-eyed confusion.

“It’s a muggle thing,” she told him. “Pinch me to prove I’m not dreaming. A Malfoy just told me that he wants to get over his blood prejudice, so yeah, forgive me if I’m a little surprised.”

“So you think you’re dreaming about me, huh?” A smirk appeared on his face.

“No, you...ugh! That’s not what it means at all!” She rolled her eyes to hide the fact that her cheeks were growing redder by the second.

“Well, you can’t blame me for being curious,” he said to her, his tone noticeably lower. Draco took his hand off the railing, rising up to his original height before stepping nearer to her. He was much closer than he should’ve been for a simple conversation. “You think I haven’t noticed how much you watch me?”

“I have no clue as to what you’re referring to.” She fought to keep her tone steady as he inched even closer. 

“Oh, I think you do.” He paused after ducking his head down to be eye level with her. “See, you’re blushing.”

“It’s dark out,” she said lamely. There was no way that this was real. She had to be dreaming.

“And? Still doesn’t change the fact that your cheeks are significantly darker than the rest of your face.”

“What are you trying to do?” Y/N surrendered, leaving his statement out to hang in the air unanswered.

“This.” 

He suddenly darted forward, his hands curling around her sides and his lips aiming for hers. 

“Stop!”

Y/N pushed back at his chest, holding her head back out of reach and glaring at him. 

His face looked immeasurably pained as he retracted his hands, putting them back in their pocket.

“I thought you wanted...”

“Maybe I do,” she told him, taking a step back. “But not right now. You told me that I had inferior breeding less than 6 months ago. I need some time. Please.”

Draco opened and closed his mouth a couple times, clearly not expecting this reaction. 

“I know what this is, Draco,” she told him, softer this time. “I know you’re trying to ease your guilty conscience by doing,” she motioned to the space between the two of them, “this. I’m not interested in that right now, understand? I haven’t forgiven you yet for all of those things you’ve done to my sister.”

He dipped his head down, clearly ashamed to have been caught in the act.

“I really don’t think that that’s it, though,” he said after drawing in a shaky breath. “I’ve always been...interested, but I could never allow myself to act on it, but now that I feel as though my beliefs are evolving...”

“That’s good, Draco, that really is,” Y/N soothed, stepping back towards him. “But I still need time. And so do you, to make sure you’re not fabricating all of this to hide your guilt.”

“That’s not at al--nevermind. You’re right.”

Y/N was struck with the thought that this was the first time she’d heard the words “you’re right” come out of Draco’s mouth in a situation where he wasn’t mocking someone or being sarcastic. 

“Can I take you to Hogsmeade, at least? This Saturday?” He swallowed, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I have a better idea. What can Kricowls be fed?”

final a/n: feel free to berate me on how ooc this draco is... i couldn’t possibly bear to write some kind of kiss or any real physical intimacy in the end because i don’t think that draco would change that quickly and i definitely don’t think he’d have this level of an existential crisis regarding his blood purity before his task in 6th year. for this reason, i don’t think i’ll be continuing this fic as it’s already long enough and i don’t fancy writing more ooc draco, as cute as the request was. so if you requsted this....please don’t feel bad! i’m sorry if i didn’t give you what you wanted. i might rewrite this one a little later when i have more time and when i can do another series because i think if i were to rewrite this, i would make it much longer and give draco 2x as much time to grow up and redeem himself. ok, that’s all, thank you for reading!

[danetobelieve]

The More You Know || Orion and Winston

Winston wasn’t sure how to take Orion right now. They were sure that they were being lied to about a good number of things but Winston was trying their hardest not to judge them because they knew that they were in a very difficult situation. Instead, they were trying to keep them occupied and busy. Ricky was out currently, and Winston had decided that it was time to introduce Orion to the pleasures of having pretty much every sort of gaming available that you could possibly once. “So, you gamed much before? Are you like a hardcore gamer? Do you hate games and everything about them? Give me some context here dude.”

Things were still a bit awkward around the house. Not from lack of trying on Winston or Ricky’s part. They had practically bent over backwards trying to make the place as accommodating and welcoming as they could to Orion. Made him food, cleared out a bedroom for him, offered to help move his things. They were even planning a whole day around an ikea trip to get him some necessities. And yet.... well Rio was an awkward person. Around everyone. So it was hard to settle into this new environment that he was supposed to be calling home. Plus, it didn’t help that he still had to lie about so much. “Gaming? Oh yeah. I game a lot.” He smiled, blinking away from his train of thoughts to focus on Winston speaking. “I played handheld games more when I was a kid. I never had a console. But now I game a lot on the PC.” He scratches at the back of his head nervously.  “I’ve been super into like RPG’s. Trying to work my way through the Final Fantasy series. What about you? What do you like to play?”

Winston got it. This must have been awkward enough for them as it was and they were sure that being nice to them didn’t make it any better. But they had to try and get them to settle in as best they could. “Fuck yes dude,” Winston replied with a bright smile, “so we’ve got the PS4 for like entertaining and just hanging out, if we need to relax and get out of our bedrooms and all that good shit. It’s got like Netflix, Amazon, Hulu, it’s also got a VPN app I wrote on it that lets you change regions but keep that on the downlow because it isn’t technically legal and I work for the police.” Winston kept going as they made their way to the kitchen looking for snacks. “I play a shit tonne of PC games, mostly League and Overwatch, but I’ve been playing a bit more WoW recently because that is always a good time. I’m down for RPGs, me and Ricky have been playing Monster Hunter and obviously the classics like Skyrim and Witcher 3. We’ll have to get your PC set up and hardwired in when we bring it over.” 

Orion laughed, “That’s an impressive set up, but don’t worry your secret's safe with me.” They really did have like the ideal set up going on in this house. It was basically an all inclusive bachelor pad. All it was missing was a bunch of gratuitous sports paraphernalia hanging around the place. Orion wasn’t sure that either of them seemed to like the type to be into sports but Orion wasn’t sure. Orion was perched on the living room couch and turned to continue listening to Winston as they were talking about the games they played. “Nice. I am not great at any shooting games, but I’m sure they’re super fun. Especially if you have someone else to play them with. He eventually pushed himself off the couch and made his way into the kitchen also, grabbing a cup to fill up a glass of water. “What are you up to play right now?”

Rummaging through the shelves and cupboards of their kitchen, Winston found a few snacks that they could give to Rio. Chips, doughnuts, some cookies and then a bunch of fruit that they bought because Ricky didn’t really eat anything that was not full to brim with meat or fish. “Hey, when you’re playing a video game you should just enjoy whatever you’re playing,” Winston gamed to relax, not for any other reason. “Uh, I don’t really mind, we can play whatever you like or I can try and find something that’s just good fun if you want to kill time.” Winston grabbed the snacks and made their way over to the lounge, placing everything on a coffee table. “Uh, there’s snacks if you want something, I don’t think I can be bothered to actually make real food unless you’re dying from hunger, but help yourself. Me casa su casa right?” 

Winston gathered a collection of snacks together to take over to the living room area, which Orion appreciated. “Yeah, definitely. I tend to enjoy more strategy or puzzle games but I think I could enjoy most games.” Maybe he had never really enjoyed shooting games because he had been playing them alone. Any game was probably more fun while playing with friends. “Oh no worries. I love snack foods.” Most days, they were his entire meal if he was at the Scribe Headquarters. He had weighed the pros and cons of going home for food or just eating whatever he had stashed at the abandoned building. The junk food usually won out. “I’m cool with whatever. Or I can just watch you play something, that’s cool too. I’ve never really had friends that were also into gaming.” Orion shrugged, trying to be as honest as possible. Considering all the other lies, he at least owed that to Winston, right? They had gathered a pretty good collection of snacks at the coffee table, so Rio didn’t really need to worry about grabbing his own, opting instead to take a drink of his water and grabbing a cookie from the platter on the counter. He took a bite of it, noticing the semi familiar taste. Curiously, he noticed a note tucked slightly under the tray, and peaked down to get a better look at it. Once he glanced at the sender of the note, the cookie immediately caught on his throat and he began coughing, spitting the cookie out in the process. His coughing fit continued for at least a minute before he finally swallowed the entire glass of water and cleared his throat. “Where’d these cookies come from?” He yelled over to Winston, trying to make the question sound more calmly curious rather than frantic.

Everything was going well, Winston was about to suggest that they give something like Crash Team Racing a go, a nice middle of the road game for them to bond over. But then Orion was biting into a cookie and shouting at them. “Uh, someone that I’m …” Winston wanted to say seeing but they weren’t sure that was entirely true just yet, “Uh I don’t know, a friend I guess was hanging out with me earlier in the week and she left them here and you know I had them left over and Ricky doesn’t really eat cookies,” Winston was sweating slightly now. Was Orion deathly allergic to something that had been in the cookies? “Are you allergic to something in the cookies, I don’t have an epi pen or anything but if you’re allergic then you’ve got to have one right? Rio do I need to get your epipen or do I need to take you to the hospital?” Winston couldn’t understand how they hadn’t thought of this, of course they were trying to poison their new roommate in the first few days of him actually being there. 

“No, no I’m not allergic to anything.Just got caught in my throat.” Orion answered once he was finished chugging his glass of water. It was just any other cookie, but for whatever reason it tasted almost acidic in his mouth now. That was all just in his head clearly. A trick of the mind making the food taste worse than it was just because the person who baked it left a bad taste in his mouth. Though Rio wouldn’t have been especially surprised if she had made poisonous cookies, but she wouldn’t do that to Winston. He was a human, harmless. If she was testing him, she wouldn’t have left it at the door with a note. She’d want to see it for herself. Plus, it wasn’t easy to lace cookies with silver. “I-uh” he didn’t know how to approach this. He reached for the note, swiping it from the counter and reading it fully this time, eventually holding it out towards Winston. Not that they could read it from that far away most likely, but he wanted to get the message across. “Did uh- is this the note that came with the cookies?” He asked. His anxiety was practically having a field day in his brain right now, but besides a crack or two in his voice, he was remaining relatively calm. Faking a relationship with his sister had become one of his specialties after all. “That was nice of her… so you’re friends with Athena? Athena Quinn?” Rio questioned, emphasizing the last name and laughing nervously. “I didn’t know you knew my sister.”

Winston winced at the note, they weren’t exactly eager for Orion to find out about Athena in that way. They hadn’t even really told Ricky that much about her and for a good reason. “Uh, yeah, the note came with the cookies…” Winston was very aware about it saying something about enjoying the last night and they were really not a huge fan of the way that Orion was looking at them. Swallowing, their entire reality slowly began crashing down around Winston. “Athena … as in … she’s your … oh fuck … I knew she was a hunter but I didn’t realise that you two were related …” shaking their head, Winston looked up at Orion awkwardly. Looked at the scab on his lip that was mostly healed now. They’d known Orion was a hunter because of Skye, but that had never been an issue for Winston. Just because you were born a hunter didn’t mean that you were a bad person. But … had Athena done that to her own brother. “Orion I swear I didn’t actually know that you two were related, we never exactly exchanged last names and it isn’t like we’ve really … did she do that to your lip and your parents are her parents?” She knew where Winston lived. “It’s fine, I can … I uh … uh….” they were sweating now, unsure of what exactly they were meant to say or do here. “I didn’t know…”

Orion had remained calm up until now. He didn’t want to make it seem like a big deal. In some ways, it wasn’t a big deal, he supposed. It wasn’t Rio’s business who Athena or Winston slept with. Or dated. Or whatever was happening. But still… it was, well most people didn’t know Athena like he did. She was scary good at the facade that she put on, and most people fell for it hook, line and sinker. “Wait.. What?” The calm demeanor lost all traction when Winston mentioned hunter. “You knew she was a hunter?” Oh no. That meant he knew that Rio was a hunter. Or- he wasn’t a hunter but he was technically one. Winston needed to know that. “It’s not- I’m not.” He sighed. This was impossible. If Ricky knew… and before they even had the conversation about Rio knowing that Ricky wasn’t entirely human… this wasn’t good. “It’s- it’s not a big deal.” He forced himself to calm down, to take a deep breath and remain nonchalant about the situation, “I don’t control who my sister sees. That would be creepy.” He laughed, scratching at the back of his head nervously. Talking about his family always made his arms itch. He crossed his arms over his chest and gently scratched at them through his hoodie sleeves. “It was training. I wasn’t lying about that. I just lost focus and she got a good swing in.” Which was true. How did Rio get Winston to realize that his sister was crazy insane without actually disclosing just how crazy insane she was? “Like I said. She’s intense. If you know- well if you like know know. Then you know that too.”

Raising an eyebrow gently, Winston shrugged. “We met fighting vampires Rio, it was pretty obvious that she wasn’t just your run of the mill regular human, besides, no offence but Skylar and I talked about you before I offered you a spot, I’ve known you’re a hunter too for a while. But I don’t get this shit that everyone complains about, it isn’t about who you are or what you are, it is about what YOU do. You obviously aren’t going around killing anyone but biologically if she is it makes sense…” Winston would rather talk about Orion then Athena. How could she have hurt her own sibling like that? Had Winston misjudged her? They weren’t sure. “Ricky doesn’t know, unless Skylar told him, but I don’t think they exactly talk a lot for reasons I can’t really explain but I didn’t think it was my place to tell him your secret…” they swallowed gently thinking about their own secret. “I won’t have her here, if you … you know, if you don’t want her to know the truth about where you are … is she not cool with you coming out too?” Winston knew it was kind of wrong to test that story now, but they wanted the whole truth before they talked to Athena. “I know she’s intense and she obviously is actively out there … well at least killing vampires, she said she only hurts things that hurt other people but that is remarkably arbitrary but at the same time I’m not sure it is my place to judge and now I’m rambling about your sister which I’m sure you don’t want to hear and I know you don’t control her or what she does but I just want you to know that your safety comes first here, Athena’s really nice but your place here comes first…” they fell silent and grabbed a cookie, using the food to silence themselves as they tried to think about what they were going to ask next.

Orion stayed silent the whole time that Winston talked, and blinked surprisingly once the rant was over. “Uh” he began, trying to get everything in order before figuring out how to respond. Winston’s ability to incoherently babble definitely rivaled Rio’s. It was actually pretty heartwarming, know that Rio wasn’t the only one that did it. Plus, he liked having more in common with Winston, he liked them a lot. “Hold on let me think.” There was a lot to unpack in Winston’s monologue. Winston knew about Rio being a hunter. Had for a while, and yet he wasn’t afraid of him? Winston was a human, so Rio supposed he wouldn’t have that fear of death. Also, Skylar and Ricky knew each other, but weren’t talking much anymore. Could this have anything to do with the Selkie thing? Rio knew about Skylar, but had only theorized about Ricky. He hadn’t exactly proven anything or approached Ricky about it. He had learned his lesson from Skylar. Invasion of privacy, not so cool. “I’m not a killer.” Was the first thing that he wanted to make clear, “And Ricky can’t know about it. I’m not even a hunter. I mean I am technically. I was born with the abilities. But I would never hurt anyone.” But what did that make Athena? Until a couple of days ago, Rio had accepted that his sister was just like his parents. A lost cause. But he saw something the other day. A hesitation. She wasn’t a good person, Rio knew that. But maybe she was still a victim after all. “She can’t know where I am. It’s- She wouldn’t hurt me, okay? Not like that at least. But she would tell my parents. And they cannot know.” This was a mistake. Maybe he should leave. The Scribe Headquarters would work for now. Maybe Alain would let him sleep in one of the cars at the garage. Was that unfeasible? He couldn’t believe that Athena had told Winston about what she did. She must actually… like them? Rio wasn’t sure she was capable of that, but Winston was here as proof. And despite the fear and anxiety that came with the fact that Athena had crept her way into one of Rio’s friendships, he hated that twinge of jealousy that he felt in his gut. It wasn’t his place to feel jealous about their relationship. It wasn’t even his business to know about it. “I don’t- I’m not telling you to not hang out with her. I wouldn’t do that. I’m just-” What was he? What did he want to say? This was a disaster. “She doesn’t know. About the coming out part. I mean I think she knows. There was this guy that I used to have a crush on. I never told anyone but Athena just.. Knew. She would always tease me about him, talk about him whenever she hung out with him.” Rio felt gross just thinking about it. She had mostly meant it harmlessly, like the rest of the harassment he supposed. “I’m just surprised I guess. I didn’t expect you two to know each other. She must have really grown from her high school bullying days.”

Head still completely whizzing, Winston tried to calm down and think clearly. Orion’s request for a respite was a welcome break and Winston was pleased that they could their own thoughts coherent. They needed to talk to Athena and find out what was going on, because they didn’t feel like they had the whole story here. But now wasn’t the time to work out that part. Now was the time to be there for Rio. Suddenly Winston wanted to know everything. Most of all they wanted to know why both Rio and Athena seemed to have such different perspectives about their parents. She hadn’t seemed nearly as affected by them as he was. “Of course not, I never even imagined that you would be one,” Winston paused and tried to think of the best way to say it, “no offence but you don’t really strike me as the type to go looking for a fight.” They frowned gently at the insistence that Ricky couldn’t no. “No offense dude, but Ricky gets it, he will work it out eventually and then he’ll feel betrayed you didn’t tell him, you don’t have to do anything and considering that this is your secret to tell I would never dream of telling him, but he deserves to know…” they sighed gently, how had they gotten themselves into such a mess. The number one rule with roommates is that you didn’t sleep with SOs, relatives or friends. So of course Winston had already done that. The worst part was that Winston didn’t exactly get a lot of opportunity to sleep around and yet here they were fucking it up the first time they tried it. But it didn’t really change the way about how they felt with Athena. “I won’t tell her that you’re here,” Winston replied, “I won’t lie to her but I won’t tell her anything either and if she does try and come round well then Dee can get very grumpy with trespasers and she’s remarkably good at missing by a few inches with that shotgun…” Winston was sure that it wouldn’t come to that. Athena wasn’t as terrible as Rio seemed to think that she was. Winston didn’t need to hear them say it to see the anxiety and apprehension in his voice. “Look, me and Athena need to talk, about well this. I won’t make you any promises about anything, because first of all don’t make promises because fae and second of all … wait bullying?” Winston frowned at the last part of the sentence that Orion had just said. “She’s not a bully, at least she hasn’t seemed like she is a bully…?”

This wasn’t going well. The last thing that Orion wanted to do was get in the way of any of Winston’s relationships. At the same time.. He also cared about Winston. A lot, actually. He didn’t want them making a mistake. Dating Athena was a mistake. Even if by some miracle, Orion was wrong about Athena and she did actually care for Winston, Athena was too into her duty. Orion was sure that his parents would settle for no less than building a hunter family of their own. They wouldn’t support someone like Winston, not when people like Adam existed. And Athena wouldn’t disobey their parents. It was a doomed relationship from the start. Orion just needed to remind himself that that wasn’t his business to get in between. Right? This was too complicated. Rio detoured for a minute. “I can’t tell Ricky! Not when-” Right, Winston probably knew what Ricky was. But Winston didn’t know that Rio thought he knew too. And Ricky didn’t know that Rio knew. This was too complicated. How did he explain that Rio’s specialty was supposedly killing shapeshifters just like Ricky? That if the situation were flipped, Rio couldn’t trust any hunter. Not after the evils he had seen. “He’ll think I’m a monster.” Maybe he was a monster. Whether or not he had killed anyone, he knew people that had been killed. Had watched it. And had never been able to stop any of them. He sighed a breath of relief. The last thing he needed was Athena to show up, so at least that part was cleared up. “Thank you. And I understand. You have to figure things out for yourself.” He knew about Fae. He wondered if that was information that Athena had passed along to him? She held a special disdain for Fae, and had already yelled at Rio multiple times for making promises. “Huh? Oh it’s probably not a big deal. I’m sure she’s grown out of it. It’s just…” He paused, trying to find the right way to phrase it. “Back in high school, she had some uh… well she liked to mess with people. Me, obviously but that’s more sibling stuff. Her main target was this girl in our class, the valedictorian. I didn’t talk to her much in high school, but Athena loved making her life miserable. I ran into Blanche and drove her home one night a couple months ago and she told me about it.” So much for not getting involved.

“What exactly do you think Ricky is?” Winston asked curiously, they weren’t interested in playing the game of cloak and daggers that being supernaturally inclined sometimes required you to play. “Ricky isn’t the type to judge someone because of what they are or who they are, they judge people for their actions. That’s always how they have treated me and you’ve given no one any reason to think you’re a monster. Have you ever actually hurt anything? I had to kill some vampires last month, I am probably more of a monster then you are…” not to mention the whole part of being a spellcaster that Winston was kind of holding out on Orion with… they swallowed another mouthful of cookie. Somehow they didn’t taste quite as good now that they were starting to find out more about Athena. But the next words that Rio would say would send fury and anger through Winston. Blanche had become a very close and important friend, confident and honestly so much more. Nell and Blanche and Winston had all come together and were supporting each other through this. Blanche had mentioned high school, they had mentioned the video and suddenly Winston found themselves shaking with fury. They set their cookie down which had been jiggiling about as their hand shook. “Athena was the one who made Blanche’s life hell?” Winston had clearly misjudged her, they had clearly not known better. Part of them wondered if they had been naive and innocent but another part of them wondered if maybe Athena had changed. “Thank you for telling me Rio, like, I know you don’t want to fuck with your sisters life and relationships but I didn’t know any of this, I honestly just met Athena and I didn’t know that she was like … well this.” 

“I- I don’t know exactly. I don’t care what he is.” Orion sighed. He wasn’t lying. Despite what the Quinn family groupmind always tried to tell him, Rio thought of most supernatural creatures as still human in a lot of cases. Vampires and werewolves were human. Just because they died or because they could change into werewolves didn’t change that. Sure, Selkie’s were a little different. Just like Fae, their true form wasn’t human. But they still had thoughts and feelings and people they cared for. Sure, Rio was pretty sure he knew what Ricky was, but at the end of the day it really didn’t matter. “I just-” Winston had killed a vampire? Rio had to wonder what kind of vampire. Had Athena been there? Had she encouraged him to do it? The mere thought made Rio’s stomach turn. “I’ve been there. When something has gotten hurt. And I wasn’t able to help and I-” He stopped himself before he went too deep. If he didn’t, Winston would be trying to stop him from sobbing uncontrollably on the floor. The last thing he wanted right now was a panic attack. “You’re not a monster. Whatever happened- I’m sure you had a reason. You’re like the nicest person I’ve ever met.” Orion answered honestly. Maybe this honesty thing wasn’t so bad. But if that was the case, why were his arms still tingling? “She wasn’t the only one. I mean… Blanche had it rough in high school. A lot of people were mean to her until she started fighting back.” He could feel the shift in the room. As Winston flipped to anger. That was the emotion that people should feel for Athena. But it still felt wrong, being involved. “I’m sorry. It’s- well it's honestly not my business what either of you do. And I shouldn’t get involved in that.”

“Maybe you should care what he is,” Winston replied with a shrug, “and I don’t mean in a bad way, but Ricky is proud of himself and of his heritage and he’d probably like to share that with someone who is going to stay with us, at least for a little bit. You two should talk.” Winston wasn’t going to push the matter too much more, but they weren’t going to let Orion just leave this alone either. Ricky was a selkie and Orion was a hunter and that needed to be cleared before things could really get normal. Plus, Winston didn’t tell Ricky about Orion’s … heritage and they would like for Ricky to not find out about that later because it might reflect badly on both of them. They paused and glanced at their shoes. “Dude I could say the exact same thing about you, you’re like being really hard on yourself. You didn’t choose this, you didn’t choose your family or your siblings. You can only do what you think is right and you can only act in a way that you think is appropriate.” They tried not to think about it. Winston was the oldest of a lot of the people in college that they had met through the supernatural and they hadn’t had it easy in high school, but at least Nell had had their back. They just wished that there had been someone there for their friend. “I wish I had known about this before I …” they didn’t say have sex with Athena but they wished that all the same. This was messy and suddenly they felt the need to apologise to their best friend, even though they hadn’t really done anything wrong. “Anyway, look, you’re still safe to stay, you should definitely talk to Ricky about … well you two should just talk and be honest. It’ll be better.” They paused for a moment. “Whilst we’re tearing off bandages, I know you already said something about paying rent, but you literally won’t be able to. Ricky owns the house and I spent my first few months living here trying to get him to take my money and you just can’t do it. So take my advice and buy him some really fucking expensive gifts at Christmas and his birthday and accept that your budget is going to go further then you thought.”

“Yeah. You’re right. Obviously.” At least Orion confirmed that he was right about Ricky. Or at least semi right. He still hadn’t confirmed the Selkie heritage, but the Ricky and Skylar connection was another big connecting dot. Of course Winston was right, it was just… hard to figure out how he was going to do it. How did you tell a friend that your parents actively wanted them dead? “I’ll figure it out. How to talk about it. I just… don't know how I’m going to do it yet. I don’t really have a great track record with this stuff.” Winston knew about Skylar too right? Probably better to not mention it just in case. Keeping track of this stuff was too much, he needed a white board or something. “Maybe, yeah. But it’s whatever. I’m here now. And I want to help people. That’s my goal.” He shuffled over to the couch again, suddenly realizing that he had been awkwardly standing the entire conversation. His mouth still felt dry, but he ignored it. “Right. Well, thanks again. For being so welcoming and all.” Of course Ricky wasn’t going to let them pay rent. He was so annoyingly nice. Rio could still find ways to help around the house though, right? Buy groceries, maybe help with utilities? He knew Ricky didn’t mind the cold, he wondered how much he could get away with turning the place down temperature wise. The long sleeves and pants kept Rio pretty warm. Plus the electricity bill in this place must be out the roof with how much technology all three of them seemed to use. “He’s so annoying. But fine. I can find other ways to help out I guess. Maybe. Once I figure out what I can do to help.”

“Weird, I don’t think anyone ever says that I’m right, you’re going to have to stay with us for a very long time because I like being told that I’m right and you’re literally the only person that does it.” Winston smirked gently and finished their cookie. “Just be yourself, be honest and try and be patient, this is not going to be easy for either of you and you know if you want me there even as moral support, I’m here for you both.” Winston smiled, they liked Orion’s goal. “Well, you’ve come to the right place, we’re all about helping people who need help, that’s why we asked you to come here, plus we genuinely think you’re gonna be a great roomie, that wasn’t a lie.” Winston watched Orion take a seat and pushed some snacks towards them. “You don’t need to say thanks my dude, we’re your friends and this is exactly what friends are for. But yes, Ricky is the most annoying dude ever. All I want to do is try and pay my way in this world, I don’t want to owe anyone and I don’t want to deal with someone else paying for me to just exist, but he literally won’t take money off of you, if he does he’ll just use it to buy you groceries or put gas in your tank or he’ll put the money in his bank account and transfer it back to yours. It’s beyond frustrating.”

“I find that hard to believe. Because you’re the coolest” Orion shrugged, stating it matter-of-factly. Winston was the coolest, and had helped Rio on multiple occasions now. They were exactly the type of person that Rio wanted to help with the Scribes. But more so, they were the type of person that Rio wanted to be friends with. “I thought you were just taking pity on me for calling you frantically in the middle of the night?” Rio asked, laughing and reaching for the pile of snacks. Despite the stress, he was starting to feel a bit more relaxed. It did make Rio feel a bit better, knowing that they had talked about it. That the offer hadn’t just been a one time offer at the Scribe Headquarters that they felt too awkward to take back. “Well that’s… very nice of him I guess. But also, the worst.” Rio had no idea how much money Ricky had, but it didn’t really matter much, he should still accept some money. Rio sighed, stuffing a handful of chips into his mouth, “Okay. Let’s fire up a game and try to think about something a bit more positive.”

“Again, very weird because no one else thinks that, are you sure you didn’t hit your head or something?” Winston winked playfully and smiled at their friend despite everything. “I mean, I guess we kind of took pity on you,” Winston laughed and shook their head, “Nah I’m joking, it wasn’t anything like that, we saw someone who was in need and we’re in a position to help with that and so we wanted to, you’re a nice guy and we like you around.  It all just works really well.” Winston considered the situation that Ricky put them in, whilst it was comfortable it made Winston feel as if they were taking a lot from their friend sometimes. Swallowing they shrugged in agreement. “You’re preaching to the choir bro, I hate it, I want to help out with the bills around here and feel like an adult, like I’m not complaining about my rent free existence, but at the same time I wish that I was actually pulling my weight. But yeah, you’re right, we should definitely try and enjoy ourselves.” At least before Winston had to get in contact with Athena directly to discuss this. 

[dominoeswrites]

Alright I know Spider!Sides already exist on the internet but hear me out

Patton Parker is deathly afraid of spiders.

Also deathly allergic

Like seriously he got bit by a spider (a normal one) once when he was seven

He was in the hospital for so long that everyone including the doctor thought he was going to die

Spoiler alert he didn't

So he goes about living his normal life up until his mid 20s

And one day he's chilling in his apartment with his boyfriend

Idk who let's say Roman

Anyway Patton's probably cooking or something and his back is turned to Roman

And Roman looks up and sees this huge ass spider on the back of Patton's neck

And he's like "Patton, hold very still"

Patton does bc he knows Roman wouldn't sound that serious if it weren't something incredibly serious

Roman grabs something heavy but not too heavy bc he doesn't want to kill his boyfriend before saving his life

So he grabs a roll of paper towels

And whacks the back of Patton's neck

The spider falls to the ground as Patton turns around to ask what the hell Roman did

But then he sees the spider and starts screaming

Roman stomps on it several times to ensure that it's dead

Patton's freaking out like did it bite me did it bite me omg I'm gonna fucking die

Roman calms Patton down enough to check if the spider bit him

And bite him it did

It's already swollen and looking really bad

"Yikes" Roman says

"What?"

Roman doesn't want Patton to flip out and panic bc it might make things worse so he's like "uh yeah you got bit but it doesn't look that bad but get in my car bc I'm gonna take you to the hospital so we can get you the proper care so you don't die"

Patton nods they go to Roman's car and go to the hospital

And the doctor (idk probably Logan) sees the bite and goes "Yikes"

Bc it's gotten a lot worse

And Patton can hardly move his head at this point

So Logan gives him some allergy meds and admits him into the hospital to see what they can do

He asks Roman what kind of spider bit Patton

And Roman doesn't know he's never seen anything like it but it was fucking huge man like you see how big the bite is it was that big but also it wasn't a tarantula bc it wasn't hairy

Anyway Patton passes out and then Logan and the rest of the doctors are trying to figure out how to help him

And it's like 3 days later and Patton hasn't woken up

Roman hasn't left Patton's side except for when they needed to do tests

Suddenly the swelling goes down

For no reason at all

And he wakes up to see Roman

And Roman sees him and they hug and kiss and are just cute together bc rainbows

And then Logan walks in and sees that Patton's awake and alive and then looks and does some tests

But there's literally no reaction or anything

Like literally not even an hour ago he was chock full of spider pain probably going to die

And now he's talking and oh god why are you getting out of bed why are you walking

And Patton's just like I feel fine, better than fine, I feel amazing, you're a wonderful doctor you saved my life

But Logan's all like we didn't do anything

Patton shrugs and calls it a miracle or something

Logan keeps Patton overnight just so he can make sure he's actually okay

Spoiler alert he is

So Logan sends him home and Roman's really happy

They go home and make dinner and watch Disney movies and it's a fun normal night

And they go to bed

Patton wakes up in the middle of the night probably bc he wants a midnight snack

So he's trying to be all quiet

He opens the fridge to grab some food and goes to close it and let go, but he's stuck.

He tries unsticking but it doesn't work

He tries setting his food down but he's also stuck to that

And he's freaking out trying and unstick himself from the fridge

Which he somehow manages to do

And also flings himself back against the cupboards behind him

Which is really loud and wakes Roman up.

He goes to investigate, holding a baseball bat or something

And he sees Patton on the floor holding food in one hand and the refrigerator handle in the other

"what happened?"

"I got stuck, idk"

So they go back to Logan

Who is very confused

Like how the hell are these things stuck so strongly to your hands did you super glue them

The answer is obviously no

So Logan decides to run some tests and see what's going on

And during the tests they manage to unstick the things from Patton's hands

But also they find out that Patton can naturally shoot spiderwebs

Which obviously freaks him out bc he definitely couldn't do that before

Also they find out he has Abs™ now bc that's always a thing in the Spiderman movies

So Roman tries to calm him down and also not freak out bc his boyfriend can shoot webs

And Patton's like

Okay so I have these weird powers that I probably got from that spider bite

So naturally I'll use them to fight crime

And Roman and Logan are just like

What the actual hell Patton

Anyway so Patton makes a makeshift suit and starts fighting crime

Friendly neighborhood Spider Patt!

"Patton you can't use your actual name as a superhero that's not how this works"

So Patton just decides to call himself Spider Man

Spider Man Spider Man pets every single dog he can

And one day he sees a robbery at a local convenience store

And he stops the guy

The guy is Virgil

Poor grad student Virgil who lost his job 3 months ago and has been struggling ever since

And instead of turning him over to the police, Patton just takes him to Logan and says, here have an intern but please pay him he's starving and about to lose his apartment

And then they pretty much become instant friends

But Roman doesn't trust him

They fight a lot

Roman's like you didn't have to try and steal

And Virgil's like yeah I did bc capitalism failed me

And Patton comes in like hey, don't fight.

And they stop

And that's all the ideas I have right now, I might do something with this, but like,,,, I'm not sure

[recalcitrantlycaffeinated]

Let me tell you a fucking STORY

This is a long-ass story but it’s maybe the most insane thing that I can remember happening to me.

Once upon a time, as a homeschooled high schooler, I was a part of my church youth group.  On a lock-in retreat, a neighboring youth group leader came in to run the most batshit insane icebreaker that has ever been icebroke.*

I had never met this youth group leader (let’s call him Matthew) before, so when he said he needed ten volunteers, it didn’t immediately send off alarm bells in my head.  His own youth group members had volunteered willingly, so when my youth group leader (her name doesn’t matter) volunteered me when there weren’t enough enthusiastic guinea pigs, I just went along with it.

Matthew, possibly the most chaotic evil individual ever to be put in charge of youths, who presumably took this job solely in order to cause suffering in children to an extreme degree, informed us that the game was called “Kiss the Fish”.

Not one of us raised our hand or stepped forward to say, “Excuse me, what the FUCK?”  None of us said, “I’m out.”  We were high schoolers.  We were sheep.

Even when Matthew pulled a very real dead fish out of a cooler he’d brought an hour and a half from his city, and informed us that nine out of the ten of us were literally going to have to kiss this slimy wet cold being, nine out of ten of us kept our thoughts of “like HELL I am” to ourselves or resorted to quietly whining to one another.  (One girl very logically pointed out to the adults that she was deathly allergic to fish, but some brave soul had to step in to take her place in order to satiate Matthew’s desire for human suffering.)

Thus began the worst game of Hot Potato I have ever taken part in in my life.  Every time someone was eliminated, by being caught holding the fish when the music stopped, they were forced to kiss the fish before being ousted.  Everyone else in the audience, and still in the game, as well as all of the adults present, was told to chant “KISS THE FISH! KISS THE FISH! KISS THE FISH!” until the hapless loser gave into the overwhelming peer pressure and planted one on the smelly aquatic corpse.

Now, you may be saying at this point, “hey, Robyn, you’ve worked with teenagers for a church before.  Can’t you see where this is going?  This is clearly all just a plot put together by the tricksy adults, who were trying to teach you about the evils of peer pressure and the courage it takes to be the smart person who says no to a situation that’s obviously akin to jumping off a cliff because your friends are doing it!  The adults were hoping that one of you would say no and refuse to kiss the fish, or at the very least, they were planning at the end of the game to turn the whole thing into a stern lesson!”

Well, stranger, you would be 100% wrong.  Not only were all of the adults committed to putting the pressure on us to do something we were clearly uncomfortable with...partway through, they legitimately went full Jigsaw and decreed that the person who came in second place would need to french kiss the dead fish.  They did not see anything wrong with any of this.  If one of us had pointed out that this was exactly the type of situation adults normally told us to avoid, they would probably have called that person a pussy and dunked their head in a toilet.  The grown-ups had gone straight insane.

Now here are some things you need to understand:

I hate peer pressure.  I have always been pretty fucking immune to peer pressure, going all the way back to childhood, where I refused to play parachute with the other toddlers because I wasn’t into it, and boycotted the Farmer in the Dell because I didn’t want to take the chance of becoming the cheese.  In 99.9% of my life, put in this position, I would have laughed in the adult overlord’s face and said no and walked away.  You could have chanted “KISS THE FISH” at me for three hours straight and the closest I would have gotten was maybe accepting the fish and then spiking it into the ground or yeeting it into some adult’s face.  

However, unfortunately for the drama of this story, I had an ENORMOUS crush on one of the guys who had also ended up in the Doomed Ten.  There was a much-less-than-zero part of my brain that thought secondhand kissing him via a fish was...worth it?  Let me once again remind you I was in high school and thus had a lot of learning still to do.

I’m not saying EVERYONE in the Doomed Ten had never kissed a person before, but the fact that we were all Catholics lame enough to go to youth group meant that for probably a majority of these people, kissing the fish was the closest they had gotten up to this point to a real kiss.  I can almost guarantee that none of us had even considered french kissing a person, so the idea that whoever came in second place would have to french kiss a fish was not only insane, but probably counted as some kind of emotional cruelty on the part of the adults.

The fish was sharp.  It had teeth.  My hands were bleeding because of this fish and its teeth.  What kind of monster was Matthew to suggest that some teenager french kiss the demon fish??????  Did he not realize he would be liable for the inevitable damage this would cause??  Was he planning on skipping town right afterward to become a youth group leader somewhere else so he could execute this scheme again?  Was he planning on keeping the bloody fish as some kind of trophy?  I have a lot of questions.

It eventually came down to me and one of the boys from Matthew’s youth group; the kind soul who had stepped up to play in the allergic girl’s stead (possibly because he was a BOSS at Hot Potato?).  Matthew was in charge of turning the music on and off, and his back was not turned, so he deliberately waited until a moment when the fish was on its way through the air to me before turning the music off.  I did not catch the fish.  The fish fell to the ground with an incredible squelching sound.  There was clear discomfort in the group of teenagers, who, when it came down to it, really didn’t want to see a homeschooled girl lose her tongue to a dead fish.  Matthew, on the other hand, was downright gleeful, and asked, “Who wants to see Robyn french the fish?”

I wasn’t going to french kiss a fish, even if my crush HAD kissed it earlier.  Thankfully, our gallant winner prevented me from having to publicly defy authority by snatching up the fish himself and yelling, “WHO WANTS TO SEE MATTHEW FRENCH THE FISH??” and chasing him with it.

There was no lesson.  None of the adults tried to tell us peer pressure was bad and they were just pretending to see how we would react.  All of them remarked on what a fun icebreaker this was.  Eight teenagers were pressured into kissing a dead fish against their will, and I needed first aid to treat my bleeding fingers.

HOW WAS THIS REAL LIFE.

*If you have ever played this game, it will blow my fucking mind, because I can’t believe that an actual adult ever suggested this even once, let alone multiple adults thinking this is a good idea.  

[huhnerhexen]

all for the other ask set!

I just took my painkillers, so I'm really high and I'm sorry if this makes no sense, I'm trying my best...

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

- yes, but they're not the most important thing. I can look past appearance, but if you're ugly on the inside it'll never work

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

- theyre worth it every time! Even if they fail, you learn a lot about yourself and they change you for the better

3. Are you a virgin?

- no

4. Are you in a relationship?

- no, my partner of about three years and I broke up a month ago

5. Are you in love?

- I'm in love with myself, which is more than I can say when I was in that relationship

6. Are you single this year?

- yes

7. Can you commit to one person?

- yes; I'm like a penguin... I mate for life

8. Describe your crush

- that's easy, I don't have one

9. Describe your perfect mate

- soft and sweet, generous, respectful of my boundaries, openly communicative, like my grandpa!

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

- no

11. Do you ever want to get married?

- yes

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

- in time and with an apology, of course

13. Do you get jealous easily?

- I used to, but I've done a lot of work since then and I don't anymore

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

- other than myself? no

15. Do you have any piercings?

- I have a nose ring, my septum pierced, 3 earrings in my right ear, and two in my left

16. Do you have any tattoos?

- 11; a bumble bee, a cat drinking wine, my rat's footprint, my grandma's signature, a sloth, the pisces constellation, the aurora borealis constellation, squirrel nutkin, my grandpa's signature, Snufkin and Moomin, and a lavender sprig

17. Do you like kissing in public?

- a quick peck doesn't bother me, but keep your tongue in your own mouth

There is no 18 or 19 in this series of questions??

20. Do you shower everyday?

- I've been bathing more than showering lately, but I do wash everyday

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

- I don't, but that's none of my business anyways

22. Do you think someone is thinking of you right now?

- no, I don't think so

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

- obviously, I did that for 3 years. I don't cheat, it's wrong and it fucks people up

24. Do you think you'll be married in five years?

- maybe? I haven't given it much thought tbh

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

- no

26. Has anyone told you they don't want to ever lose you?

- yes, and then they did

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

- no

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

- not that I am aware of

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

- no, I would never

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

- I've had plastic surgery twice; once in the ninth grade to fix me jaw, and two days ago I had top surgery

31. Have you ever cried over a guy or girl?

- yes, and what a waste of time that was

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

- no

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

- yes

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

- no

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

-yes

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

- yes

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

- yes

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn't expect to?

- yes

39. Have you ever waved someone you couldn't have?

- yes

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

- yes

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

- yes

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

- depends on the person, but awhile, I really like kissing

43. How long was your longest relationship?

- almost 3 years

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

- I've had 6 partners

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

- I can say with 100% certainty that I have no idea; I can't even remember what I had for breakfast this morning

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

- I don't know, sex isn't something I count

47. How old are you?

- 21

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

- I'd ask them why, people love to talk about their crushes, I'd also encourage them to go after it. Just because I like someone doesn't make them mine

49. If you have a partner, what is your favourite thing about them?

- I don't have a partner

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with am apology and presents, would you accept?

- no, not yet. I'm not at a place to forgive Kai yet. I'm still working through and breaking down what they did to me

51. Is there someone you would do absolutely anything for?

- yea, my grandma

52. Is there anyone you've given up on? Why?

- I gave up on my dad's dad, Lane; he's just a genuinely awful guy and every time I've tried to extend an olive branch it's come back to bite me in the ass. He can be angry and miserable alone, I don't have room for that shit in my life.

53. Is there someone mad because you're seeing/talking to the person that you are?

- no, the people in my life are incredibly supportive of me in all my endeavors and decisions

54. Is there something you will never forget?

- what a classmate and friend wrote to my mom once when she was compiling a big note full of all the reasons people care about me. "There's nothing they could ever do that would be bad". Those words have been etched onto my heart for 6 years

55. Share a relationship story

- I'll tell you about my grandparents, and how they were made for each other. My grandpa worked for CBC and so did my grandma, but they worked in separate buildings, and one night my grandma's friend says "Elaine, come out for drinks with me and some of the guys" and my grandma really doesn't want to, but she's a polite lady so she does anyways. She winds up sitting next to my grandpa, and they don't say much to each other but his friends keep bugging him and making jokes about how he needs to "get home to his wife" (he isn't married, but he fancies my grandma and his friends are just trying to make him work harder for her). They wind up leaving at the same time, and they walk home together because they lived a couple buildings away from one another. My grandpa assures my grandma that he isn't married, he tells her he's going home to Red Jacket, Saskatchewan for Christmas, but could he give her a call when he comes home? She says yes; and a year later they were married. They've been madly in love with each other ever since.

56. State 8 facts about your body.

- I have 8 less teeth than the average adult; my eyes are two different shapes; when I learned to walk it was with a slight limp so now I always have one; when my body is really low on estrogen I get incredibly clumsy; I have 2 holes in my jaw from where a surgical plate was removed; I'm deathly allergic to peanuts; my limbs are so long, my fingertips almost reach down to my knees; I have a small groove in my head from wearing headgear when I was a child.

57. Things you want to say to an ex

- you always went on and on about how I deserved better, and you're wrong. It's not that I deserved better, you just didn't deserve me.

I have so much pity for you, because you have to live the rest of your life knowing what Ostin did to your mom, you did much the same to me. You acted the same as the man who makes you so sick. You're disgusting for what you did, and I hope you regret it everyday of your life.

58. What are 5 ways to win your heart?

- listen openly to me, tell me things that happened to you during your day, sending me songs or poems or little trinkets that remind you of me, laugh at my jokes, vocalize your feelings about me

59. What do you look like?

This is me and my roommate's cat, Anaan!

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

- two years, he was 15 I was 17 and as soon as I learned how smol he was I couldn't get past it...

61. What's the first thing you notice in someone?

- their mouth, I lip-read so someone's lips and teeth is the first thing my eyes go to

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do to/for you?

- oh gee I don't even know? Maybe take off my clothes for me, but like really slowly?

63. What is your definition of "having sex"?

- anything that gets the job done, y'know? wets the whistle

64. What is your definition of cheating?

- being physically intimate with a party outside of the pre-established exclusive relationship

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

- tease me until I want to kill you, and then fuck me until I can't remember my own name

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

- I don't have one. I did improv in highschool and doing any sort of "acting on the spot" makes me astral project back to that cringey time

67. What is your idea of a perfect date?

- one where it doesn't matter what you're doing, you never want it to end because you can never have enough time with the person you're with

68. What is your sexual orientation?

- queer!

69. What turns you off?

- people who are mean to animals

70. What turns you on?

- climate justice

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

- that will stay between me and the lord, thanks

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

- none, if you can form words or sentences, one of us isn't doing our job right

73. What's something sweet you'd like someone to do for you?

- bring me flowers! No one has ever brought me flowers before

74. What's the most superficial characteristic you look for?

- probably wardrobe

75. What's the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you?

- my sister moved in with me to take care of me while I recover from my mastectomy. I didn't even have to ask, she offered to do it

76. What's the sweetest thing you've done for someone?

My roommate and I had mice and squirrels living in the basement of our old house, and they ate and destroyed all of her old baby books and photo albums; so this year for Christmas I took all the pictures I had of us, and a bunch of pictures she had posted on her social media, and I made her a new photo book to preserve the memories she made these last few years.

77. What's your opinion on age differences in relationships?

- the older you get, the less age difference really matters, my roommate is 41 and her partner is turning 61 this year. I think so long as both parties are of legal age and consenting, do what you want. That being said, it gets iffy if the older party knew the younger person when they were a child; ie. Leonardo DiCaprio and his most recent girlfriend.

78. What's your dirtiest secret?

- I don't have one? I'm literally an open book... You can ask me anything

79. When was the last time you felt jealous?

- when an 8 year old girl came into the shop and told me her grandpa was taking her shopping for her birthday.

80. When was the last time you told someone that you loved them?

- on Wednesday, when I was saying goodbye to my grandma at the hospital (that sounds like a downer, she's fine, she had a knee operation and I went to visit her after work)

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

- LP, Ezra Miller, Joji, my ex boyfriend (they're mad cute, but they're ugly on the inside), Chris Fleming

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

- my mom, after she drove me home from the hospital and helped me get inside

83. Who was your first kiss with?

- a boy named Rhys, in the ninth grade. We were each other's beards before we even knew it

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

- a lot of different reasons; we kept fighting, they had no time for me, they wouldn't communicate with me, I had trouble trusting them, they sexually assaulted me and were hella manipulative, they forgot I existed a lot, there were a lot of red flags that we ignored until it blew up in our faces.

85. Would you ever date someone off of the internet?

- sure, I don't see why not!

Thanks for asking! Sorry it took so long to answer, I had to stop and nap a few times in between questions...

[thisdiscontentedwinter]

Bad Blood - Chapter 5

You can read it here on AO3 or find the Chapter Index here. 

***** 

Allison Argent is like a ray of sunshine, and Stiles is… well, Stiles is like a vampire, he guesses. He’s deathly allergic to rays of sunshine. He doesn’t feel happiness whenever Allison visits, even though he wants to, because it’s Allison. She’s sweet and funny and genuinely seems to care about Stiles, even though she hardly knows him, but all Stiles feels when she talks is a weird sense of envious disdain. She talks about school, and how she worries that she’s not fitting in, and how she misses her old friends in Phoenix, and Stiles is above all that, isn’t he? It’s petty teenage bullshit, because Allison doesn’t even know there’s a war going on—Allison doesn’t know anything about werewolves, or the multitude of other nightmarish creatures that actually stalk the world—and the stuff she cares about is childish and irrelevant, and Stiles wants to laugh at her for it, except he can’t, because whenever he tries to he feels a burn of pure jealousy in the pit of his stomach because she’s so normal. And he knows he shouldn’t want the things that she does, he knows he has a higher purpose, a birthright, but he remembers back when he thought he was just a normal kid too, and… and he thinks he was happy back then.

It’s hard to remember.

It’s harder still to evaluate his memories, because every single one of them has been tainted by his father’s betrayal. Every single one has been poisoned by the shame and the anger and the hatred Stiles feels now.

There was a time when Stiles thinks he remembers loving his father, but what the hell did he know back then? Nothing. He was just a dumb fucking kid.

“Stiles?” Allison asks, her forehead creasing. “Are you okay?”

Stiles jolts slightly. “Sorry. I zoned out. What were you saying?”

Allison smiles and elbows him. “I’m saying that there’s this boy and I think he likes me!”

“Of course he likes you,” Stiles says. “Who wouldn’t?”

They’re sitting on Stiles’s bedroom floor with their books and schoolwork spread out around them. Stiles’s curriculum doesn’t quite mesh with Allison’s, but it’s still fun to have someone to do homework with. Well, Stiles guesses everything he does is technically homework since he’s homeschooled, but it still feels nice. It feels almost normal.

That’s the trap, probably.

There’s a locked box under Stiles’s bed with his Kel-Tec PMR-30 and four clips of wolfsbane bullets in it. Stiles is still getting used to the Kel-Tec, but he likes the European-style magazine release.

Allison dropped a pencil a little while ago, and it rolled under the bed. She touched the box getting the pencil back, and she doesn’t know. They’re sitting here talking about schoolwork and a boy she likes, and she doesn’t know Stiles is a hunter. She doesn’t know he belongs to a very different world than hers. There’s something absurd about it, something jarring. It’s unsettling. Stiles has spent the last six years around hunters. He’s forgotten how to pretend to be a regular person.

Allison laughs, the colour rising in her cheeks. “That’s so sweet!”

“Totally true though,” Stiles says. “You’re smart, and pretty, and just about the nicest girl I know!”

She raises her eyebrows appraisingly. “Am I the only girl you know right now?”

That startles a laugh out of him. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Her expression softens into something uncomfortably close to pity. “I wish you could come to school with me.”

Stiles blinks down at one of his textbooks for a moment. “Yeah, Me too.” He doesn’t know if it’s a lie or not today. He forces a smile. “Anyway, tell me about this guy again. Is he cute?”

“Adorable,” Allison says. “He almost stabbed me with a pen the first time he met me.”

“That doesn’t sound very adorable.”

“It was an accident!” She laughs again. “I don’t even know how he knew I needed one, and then he shoved one at me so fast he almost fell over his feet. Maybe he tries to impress all the new girls with pens.”

“Ah,” Stiles says. “The mating rituals of the awkward teenage boy.”

“Do you have some experience with them?” Allison asks.

Stiles feels it again: that jarring, dizzying sensation. He shouldn’t have asked if the guy was cute, because is Allison… is she asking if…

Stiles flinches before he can stop himself.  

“You seem like the sort of guy who’d accidentally stab a girl with a pen,” Allison says hurriedly, the rush in her words like she realised what she was implying, and backed the hell away again because she saw the flash of panic in his eyes.

“Yeah,” Stiles says with a weak laugh. “That sounds like me.”

Allison hesitates. “His name’s Scott,” she says at last, and Stiles feels a swelling of affection for her for not pushing. “He has floppy hair, and his jaw is a little crooked, and he has the most beautiful smile!”

“He sounds nice,” Stiles says.

Allison ignores the rasp in his voice. “He’s invited me to a party on Friday night.” Her eyes widen. “You should come!”

Stiles shakes his head. “I don’t think—”

“No, it’s perfect!” Allison exclaims. “Because Mom and Dad are being all weird about boys, as per usual, but if I say that you’re going with me, they can’t say no!”

Stiles bets they can. He also bets that Chris and Victoria’s reluctance to let Allison out of the house after dark has less to do with boys and more to do with the fact that there’s a werewolf pack in this town.

“I’m supposed to be concentrating on my schoolwork,” Stiles says.

“Stiles!” Allison rolls his eyes. “It’s one night! Ask Grandpa if you can come with me, please!”  

God. Put him in a dark forest with an entire pack of werewolves and he knows exactly what to do. But navigate the social quicksand of a high school party? Stiles has no fucking idea how to do that.

Not that it matters, of course.

Gerard won’t approve, so it’s never going to happen.

“Sure,” he says. “I’ll ask.”

***

There was this boy, once.

Just a boy on the street in Budapest.

It had been winter, and everything was bleak and cold and grey, and this boy had been wearing a red coat, a flash of colour. A red coat, and a blue woollen hat, and he’d laughed, and Stiles had looked over at him—

He’s beautiful.

—and Gerard had followed the direction of his stare, his eyebrows tugging together in a scowl, and Stiles had torn his gaze away from the boy.

Gerard’s stare had settled on Stiles like he was seeing him for the first time all over again, except that this time he wasn’t pleased with what he saw.  

Stiles never looked at another boy on the street again.

***

Stiles lands on the mat, and all his breath is knocked out of him. He rolls onto his side and gets his knees under him. He tastes blood, and wipes his mouth on the back of his hand.

Shit.

Gerard might be old, but he still has moves.  

Not that Stiles has ever been stupid enough to underestimate him.  

“Get up,” Gerard says, a growl in his voice. “If I was a werewolf, you’d already be dead.”

Stiles climbs to his feet. He sucks in a breath and rolls his shoulders. He dodges Gerard’s next punch, but a jab to his ribs has him twisting the wrong way, and Gerard punches him hard on the jaw.

Everything flares white with pain.

Stiles gets his gloves up in front of his face to protect himself. His vision is swimming, and he’s clumsy on his feet now. Still, he knows Gerard is right. A werewolf isn’t going to give him a chance to walk it off, is it? It’s fight or die in a hunter’s world, and if Stiles can’t handle a few punches from Gerard, how is he going to survive the real thing?

This time he takes a punch to the gut.

And a voice in the back of his head asks him: But if he keeps punching the shit out of you like this, how will you be in any fit state to go on a hunt at all?

Stiles ignores it, and sways on his feet for a moment, trying to find his balance.

A blow to the temple sends him down onto the mat again.

“Useless,” Gerard mutters. “Get up, Stiles!”

Stiles grunts, and tries to roll over. Flops onto his back again instead, and blinks up at the lights in the ceiling. There are more of them then there should be. He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment to try to clear his vision.

“Useless,” Gerard says again.

Stiles opens his eyes and squints up at Gerard.

Gerard is unlacing his boxing gloves. “What the hell is wrong with you tonight? You’ve got worse form than a goddamn child.”

Stiles wishes he could say the words sting more than the cut above his eye that Gerard just opened up, but that would be a lie. “Sorry, sir.”

“You’ll get yourself killed out there!”

Stiles nods and swallows, and tastes blood again.

“You think that Kroměříž counts for anything here? You think that the Novákovi are anything like the Hales?” Gerard sneers at him. “You won’t last a second against the Hales unless you get your head out of your ass and remember how to goddamn fight!”

“Yes, sir.” Stiles tries not to wince when he breathes.

Gerard huffs and shakes his head. “We’re done here.”

He tosses his gloves down on the mat, and leaves the basement.

Stiles lays there a while longer, waiting to catch his breath.

He’s not sure how long it is until he’s able to climb to his feet, but the sweat is chilling on his body when he finally manages it. He stoops to pick up Gerard’s gloves, and places them back in the cabinet. It takes him longer than it should to unlace his own, picking at the knots with his teeth.

Gerard’s right.

He was useless tonight. He barely landed a hit before it was all over for him. He needs to train harder. He needs to get better. He needs to remember who he is, and what he’s here for. He’s a Stilinski, and he has a birthright. He’s a Stilinski, and he’s going to make that mean something again.

Something more than cowardice and betrayal.

He makes his way slowly up the steps, and into the kitchen. He fills a glass with water from the tap, and drinks it. Then he grabs a piece of kitchen towel and wads it up to hold against his split eyebrow.

He thinks of Allison and her normal life and her party and her crush on that boy who almost stabbed her with a pencil.

He doesn’t want that.

He doesn’t want anything like that.

He doesn’t.

He’s a hunter, not a kid.

Except later, when he’s curled up in bed trying not to move because it hurts, he finds himself texting Allison back and forth for a while and pretending, just for tonight, that he’s a regular kid after all.

And that, he discovers, hurts a lot more than any of his bruises.

[purplesurveys]

424

A health survey. Must be fun.

What health problems do you have right now? Well my back is a bitch 24/7; my joints hurt when it gets cold; I have scoliosis; and mentally speaking I’m not very stable either. I sound 60. Are you in chronic pain? Never been diagnosed with such, no. What do you take medications for? I don’t. I probably need to, but the state of mental health care in the Philippines is just so inaccessible: it’s expensive, available services are few and far between, and anyone younger than 21 needs to get written consent from their parents, which can be difficult if someone’s parents don’t actually believe in mental health issues. There is a lot of work to be done. What are some health issues you have had in the past? My lactose intolerance was a problem when I was an infant. My family didn’t know I had it, so they kept panicking when I would just poop out all the milk they fed me all day and when my stomach would end up storing nothing. It got critical and I had to be sent to the hospital, but it turned out well after. Do you have allergies? Nope. Free to eat and be in contact with anything.

If so, what are you allergic to? Have you ever been to an allergist? No, never had to. Have you ever been to the ER? Mmm nope, never been in an emergency situation. Have you ever been treated poorly in the ER? Have you ever been told your symptoms were anxiety, when they weren't? I haven’t been tested for that. When I was doing my health exam for university though, they did review my mental health and suspected me of having depression, but they didn’t declare symptoms or formally diagnose me or anything. What is the most physically painful thing you've ever experienced? Probably scraping and kicking my feet against coral reefs when I went snorkeling back in ‘09. I had no flippers and I was panicking (I wasn’t used to using the snorkeling mask to breathe) so I was thrashing my legs around in the water. I knew I was hitting the coral reefs and they were fucking sharp, but I was panicking so I powered through even though it meant I had to hit them every time I kicked. It was painful while I was swimming and even more painful in the weeks that followed. It was the worst infected wound I’ve ever had. Just imagine kicking a razor-sharp boulder with your bare feet. How many surgeries have you had? Zero. I hope I never need any, the thought of surgery terrifies me. What types of surgery have you had? Have you always recovered well from surgery? Have you ever been treated poorly by a doctor? YES!!! The ones in my university’s health service are horrible. Case in point, my health exam for admission to UP: I know it’s part of a doctor’s job, but the doctor assigned to me back then touched my breasts very hastily to check for suspicious bumps. It would have helped tons if 1) she gave me a heads-up beforehand and 2) asked permission, but this lady just told me to lie down and went ahead to stick her hand under my shirt. As someone who had only been fresh out of Catholic school at that point, it was the perfect opportunity to panic. Same doctor was the one who suspected I was depressed after reviewing my mental health form, but instead of being helpful she DEMANDED reasons why I felt that way. I was already uncomfortable with the boob incident by then and was too stunned to speak, so I just kept saying I was fine and that I was mentally stable. In reality I just wanted to get out from that nasty old bitch. Have you ever had a doctor tried to kill you? Oh well that’s just taking it a million times further. No. Is your primary care doctor a man or a woman? I don’t have one. Have you had the same primary care doctor your whole life? We don’t have a family doctor. Are you happy with your current doctor? Have you ever seen a specialist for anything? X-ray technicians. I had trips to see them the most when we found out I had scoliosis.   What is the most itchiest thing you have ever experienced? I had weird rashes on my legs one time in high school, and since I was stubborn I kept scratching them until they turned into nasty black and blue wounds/bruises and cuts. I still have no idea where they came from. Have you ever had a severe itch, that you'd rate a 10? ^ That. On a scale of 1-10, what's the worst physical pain you've ever been in? The coral reef incident is an easy 20. Have you ever passed out from pain? Noooooo. Passing out from pain is one of my greatest fears. I avoid encountering anything painful as much as I can just because I’m scared of the thought of passing out because of pain. Have you ever thrown up from pain? Nope. Just from drinking and expired barbecue lmfao. Do you have any food intolerances? If so, to what? It’s not official, but I hate fruits. Like, I can immediately tell if something has fruit in it and I will spit it out accordingly. That and raisins. Do you have any food sensitivities? If so, to what? Nope. What medications are you allergic to? Do you have acne? A small pimple shows up every now and then (mostly when I’m stressed or if my face gets oily) but it’s never been a full-on breakout. I’ve been lucky when it comes to acne. Do you take birth control pills? I don’t. I want to take them just because I heard it makes your breasts get bigger hahahahahaha but Gab is adamant about not letting me take them. Are your hormones screwed up? Mm no, they’re not that bad. Obviously they act up when I’m nearing or on my period e.g. cravings, crying all the time, being sensitive about everything, but not to the point that my period is irregular or gives me severe dysmenorrhea. Do you have bad withdrawals from medications? I don’t take meds to begin with. What are some withdrawal symptoms you've had? What are some bad side effects of medications that you've had? Have you ever gained weight from a medication? If so, how much? Have you ever had to take Prednisone? Never even heard of it. If so, did it make you gain weight and make your face puff up? Looks like I’m skipping lots of questions. How many hours a sleep do you need? Don’t adults need 8 hours, in general? How many hours a sleep do you get? I try to make it to 8, but I’ve been really busy for this semester that it ends up being 5-7 hours instead. Do you exercise enough? I don’t at all, haaaaaaaaaaah. Do you eat healthy? I do like vegetables and will happily eat salads and sandwiches with veggies packed in them, but I tend to balance it out with grossly unhealthy food anyway, so you decide if this still counts as healthy. Are you on a special diet for your health? No, I don’t think I need to be. Are you trying to lose weight or gain weight? Gain, which I’m on the way to doing. I’m a little chubbier now compared to high school. Are you a healthy weight? I’m 90 lbs. the last time I checked. Relative to my height, that’s underweight. Are you happy with your weight? Sure, but gaining a few pounds wouldn’t hurt either. How often do you wash your hair? Everyday if I’m in school; every other day if I’m on summer break. Do you take showers or baths? Showers. How often do you shower or bathe? ^ Same thing. Do you take vitamins? If so, which ones? I used to take two vitamin syrups everyday when I was younger: one for vitamin C and the other to help me grow taller. When I got a little older my mom changed our usual syrups to these cute vitamin C gummy bears, then after a while I just stopped taking. What bones have you broken? Haven’t broken any, fortunately.  What's the worst physical injury you've had? Aside from my icky foot infection, I had a bad fall in school a few months ago and my ankle got sprained pretty bad. I don’t think I gave it A+ treatment so it never really fully healed. I know this because the same foot still hurts whenever it’s in an odd position or when I shift too much of my weight on it. Do you have sensitive skin? Yes. It eventually gets itchy when my skin is out in the open. In high school, I often had a hard time walking from point A to B because my skin would always get irritated, but I couldn’t scratch it because I was wearing a skirt. What chemicals make you sick? Toxic ones, I would assume? Haha. What time of year do you usually get sick? I never get sick. What's the highest fever you've ever had? 40ºC. It was a dengue scare. Have you ever had the flu? Sure, a few times here and there. Have you ever had bronchitis? Nope. Have you ever had an ear infection? I don’t remember having one. Do you snore? Only when I’m so tired that I’m 130% passed out. What pain reliever do you use for cramps? My menstrual cramps never get that bad. If you're female, what symptoms do you get when on your period? My pelvis area and legs hurt; I cry over everything; I’m sensitive when people are angry; I will essentially take everything personally; my cravings either change every 5 minutes or I just want one food and I will murder to get such craving; I get very poopy; and sometimes I’ll get very drowsy. Do you have regular periods? Pretty much, yes. Sometimes they’ll be a few days early or late but very rarely does it go completely irregular. Are you afraid of shots? Deathly afraid. Like I would do everything to avoid having to take them.  Have you ever donated blood? No. Even if I wanted to, I’m not allowed to (underweight). Plus you have to be pricked for that, which is a Huge No-No for me. Do you do well with shots? If I absolutely have to have a shot, I can manage albeit with a lot of fidgeting. What I’m terrible with is IV. I had a huge meltdown the one and only time I needed to have a needle injected onto my wrist. I was a 12 year old grown ass person thrashing around in the hospital room lol. What x-rays have you had? Just my spine. Have you ever gotten a pill or a piece of food stuck in your throat? Pill-stuck-in-throat sensation happens sometimes, but it’s never been anything serious. What method of birth control do you use, if applicable? Do you take birth control to control hormones, or to prevent pregnancy? As mentioned, I don’t take it. How often does your hair need to be washed? I don’t know about need, but I wash it everyday or every other day so that it doesn’t get oily, which feels irritating. What do you keep on hand for emergencies? I don’t really keep stuff for emergency, just money hahaha. Have you ever had a severe allergic reaction? Nopes. If so, what were your symptoms? Have you ever used an epi pen? I have not. Have you ever been to the ER for a severe allergic reaction? Negative. What's the worst burn you've ever had? When I was 7, I wanted to do something daring so I touched a clothes iron that was plugged in and was in use (by my grandma, but she left to attend to something at the time). My index finger rightfully had a tiny blister for the next two weeks. My dumbass definitely deserved it. What's the worst allergic reaction you've ever had? No allergies. Have you had any health-related embarrassing moments? I don’t think anything bad enough has happened yet. If so, what happened? (if you want to share) Do you use tampons or pads? Pads. I’m scared of tampons. Do you sweat a lot? I don’t, actually. I drink a lot of water, but I guess I just don’t sweat much. Do you get nosebleeds? I’ve never experienced a nosebleed and am also too scared to get one. Do you get motion sickness? Pretty easily, especially if I’m riding an unfamiliar car. Do you have acne? I get a pimple every now and then but it’s not a big issue. Do you have scars? Sure. There’s one on my fourth right toe and the other one on my left eyebrow. What are some of your scars from? Toe scar is from when my toes got stuck in my bike’s blades (something like that, anyway); eyebrow scar is from a stupid cousin smashing a small glass bottle towards my face. Do you have a birthmark? If so, what color is it? I have a brown one behind my left shoulder. I also have one near my elbow; it used to be blue/green but now it’s a faint black-ish shade. What makes your eyes itch? Uh, dirt? I also know if I’ve been spending too much time in front of the computer when my eyes start feeling irritated. That’s usually my signal to go to bed or to have a break. Are you ticklish? Very. I can’t be tickled on any part of my body. Do you have a sweet tooth? I have my moods, but overly sweet food isn’t really a favorite of mine. Do you ever crave chocolate? Never, actually. I can crave sweet stuff like brownies and cookies, but never chocolate bars. Do you ever crave cheese? No. Lactose intolerance makes me wary of cheese so I never really ~crave it. What else, if anything, do you get cravings for? I usually crave for cuisines in general or specific restaurants.  Do you drink enough water? Yeah I’m pretty sure I do. Do you comfort eat when stressed? It varies. Sometimes I’ll rely on eating, but other times I’ll lose my appetite and wouldn’t want to be anywhere near food. How old were you when you started your period? I was 9 but was about to turn 10. How old were you when you started going through puberty? I am guessing the same age when I had my period, but everything sped up only when I was 10/11. What was the first sign of puberty for you? ...My period? Did your hair change when you went through puberty? Hair started to grow in places, but as for changes, not really. At what time of day do you normally feel your best? I don’t really keep track lol. Are you naturally optimistic or pessimistic? Um both, depending on my mood for the day. It never stays constant. Are you naturally energetic? I’m naturally un-energetic. Looking at extroverts exhausts me. Does your mind wander a lot? Only when I’m bored at something, like in a certain class. I can generally focus well. Do you know your blood type? I don’t actually hah. Have you ever been taken to the hospital against your will? Nope. Any final thoughts? Cool survey. It’s different.

[cryptidwizard]

rules: answer 21 questions then tag 21 people u want to get to know better

tagged by: @daydreamerdrew ty!!

nickname: i just go by leo, my old nickname was just a shorter variation of my deadname

zodiac: im a scorpio! (november 6th)

height: 5′6

last movie i saw: my friend took me to see aquaman

last thing i googled: “drake mallard clash reunion darkwing duck” i couldnt remember what he wore in the episode ok

favorite musician: thats hard probably imagine dragons for nostalgia's sake or gorillaz/mystery skulls

song stuck in my head: familia from the into the spiderverse soundtrack 

other blogs: i got a few @transdarkwingduck @sp1dersense @cryptidturtleart my art blogs kinda old though

do i get asks: occasionally i get headcanon asks but more so on my duck sideblog 

following: 1238 ive had this blog for a while i really gotta go through my follow list but im lazy

followers: 505

amount of sleep: about like 7 hours or so, sometimes longer because i have a bad habit of falling back asleep

lucky number: 6 or 101

what i’m wearing: t shirt and basketball shorts

dream job: no clue, if im thinking really out there then on broadway

dream trip: i dunno, im getting my passport renewed soon so maybe ill come up with something some big international city would be rad

favorite food: pasta or something with chicken

play any instruments?: clarinet and bass clarinet im out of practice tho

languages: just english but my mom lectures me in french and i understand her well enough

favorite songs: gah thats hard right now its probably like all of the into the spiderverse soundtrack and freaking out by mystery skulls

random facts: im deathly allergic to most bullshit that stings, ive been typecast for eccentric roles with my theatre company, i own a machete, i can will and must love every cat i lay eyes on, etc. 

describe urself as aesthetic things: i mean i have a lot of various aesthetics but one that describes myself?? hmm socks with funny sayings on them, vaporwave bullshit, roads at night fuck if i know lmao

tagging: im not tagging 21 people but hey if anyone feels like doing it just say i tagged you @fearsomefours @janetcarter @asandygraves @smorses54

[devilbat]

Secrets 6

Warning Smut

*”sweetheart is everything all right your pick at your food?” William questioned you as you were trying to pick out the stuff you had asked not to be put in. You looked up at him and smiled it really wasn’t a big deal. And beside, you are sitting at the most well know and very exclusive restaurant that takes years to get in. How William had the money to pay for this was beyond believe. *

*”They must of forgot to add the my request of no tomatoes on here. That’s all. But I can pick them out.” It never really bothered you having to pick stuff out. It wasn’t like you were allergic. You heard William huff. Looking back at him you could tell he was not happy.*

*”Sweetheart I did not just take you to the most upscale restaurant in all of England for them to forget you did not want tomatoes.” He hissed in angry. It almost made you jump you were not used to him like this. But ever since he got this new job he seem more on edge and pissed off all the time. Yeah it’s been nice having a little more money, but not to see him be stressed all the time. You watched as he yelled at the waiter about how you had asked for a simple thing not to be added. As you looked around thinking everyone was staring at you. You saw that in fact no one batted an eye your way. *

*”What if she was deathly allergic! Hmm. You would have killed my fiancé.” William was in the poor kids face. You stood up putting a hand on his shoulder. *

*”Babe it’s all right. Let the poor kid go. I’m fine happy that I’m hear at the place I’ve always wanted to go with you and in this very sexy dress, a dress you got me.” You whispered in his ear as you watched the kids look horrified. You rubbed his shoulders. Calming him down. He let the kid go. *

*”I’ll have the the kitchen fix this right away Mr. Hiddleston.” Before you could tell the kid not to worry about it. He had scampered off with you plate. William looked at you as his features softened. As he snaked his arm around your waist. Pulling you up against him. He attacked you neck.*

*”William come down. We’re in the middle of a restaurant.” You tried to keep yourself composed. His hands were all over your ass.*

*”let them watch. I’m sure they would get a few pointer on how to fuck their Woman properly. You felt you legs up against the table *

*”Oh you think your getting lucky right here. After scaring the poor kid.” You raised you eyebrow at him kissing his lips as you slid out of his grasp as you sat back down. “And beside I’m hungry and need food before I get fucked properly as you say. Maybe if your a good boy I’ll fuck You probably.” You smirked. You made it through dinner. Then the owner came out and you watched as the two men talked.*

*”This must be the beautiful fiancé.” You nodded as the man said taking your hand. To kiss it lightly. “I hoped you enjoyed your dinner tonight.”*

*”It was amazing.” You said. As you stood to get ready to leave.*

*”I’m pleased to hear.” He smiled at you. As he looked back to William. “And for the trouble earlier, your dinner is on the house. For you my friend and you lovely girl. Please come back soon.” He shook William’s hand. He walked away after a few other words were exchanged but more hushed not really hearing what they said but you were still just in awe with the place. You made it back to the car.*

*”So when did you become The Godfather.” You teased as you kissed his cheek. He tense for a moment. Then chuckled as he started the car. “Thank you for dinner it was amazing.” You purred. As you cuddle against his arm while he drove it was an hour before you both would get home.*

*”Though I really wanted to have you for dinner. You had to ruin all the fun. Me having you up on top of the table while I plow you into you. As your scream my name letting everyone know who’s fucking you. As they watch me fuck that tight little pussy of yours.” You scoffed at your fiancé. What has gotten into him lately.*

*”What has gotten into you? Your acting like a horny teenage.”*

*”What. You just bring it out of me. And that dress. Seeing that your not wearing panties.” He smirked. *

*”Would you like a little help with that tent in your pants?” You giggled as your fingers brushed against his tight pants. Causing a moan. You undid his pants as you lowered your head down as you adjusted yourself down in your set. You pulled him out of this confinement. He groaned. You pressed your lip to the tip of his cock. You smirked as you licked his sensitive head. Sliding him into your mouth. He swerved a little. Causing you to giggle. “Watch the road.” You mumbled with his cock still in your throat. His free hand found your hair. His fingers fisted around the nap of your neck. You moaned as he tugged a little.*

You felt relaxed as you slowly woke. You moaned softly as you felt a wonderful pressure against you. Heat rising in you. You stirred around. You felt movement between your legs. Hearing what sounded like slurping. And a long tongue dragging along your folds. Another moan escape your mouth. Your hands found their way down to the source. Short hair ran through your fingers the back of the neck it was shaved not to the skin but short enough to spike out. Your eye snapped opened. As you remember where you were and who you were with. Your hands still running through Toms hair. He started to pick up his pace knowing your were awake now.

Your soft moans got louder. He pushed two fingers in side you. You lifted you hips up as he did so. He groaned as you pushed and pulled him in to you. Clinching around his fingers as he pumped in and out of you. You screamed. As he picked up his pace tongue leaping you up. You did something you never did before as he didn’t show your mercy. Gripping into his hair. You squirted. Your tensed when you did it. He only moaned. You let go of his hair. You froze. Tom finished and pulled away. Wiping his face. You looked horrified.

“Darling are you all right?” Tom asked concerned filled his voice. As he watched you.

“I’m, Im sorry.” You voice was small. As you looked away. Tom realizes what you were talking about. He chuckled and shook his head.

“For that?” Don’t. That just means I did my job.” He smiled as he kissed you.

“That would of been a first for me. You brother never went down on me.” You mumbled. Tom almost didn’t hear that.

“Well I heard you moan in your dream I figured I would help you.” He smiled. As he got up. Though he wanted to ask what was wrong with his brother. But didn’t.

“Where you going?” Looking at him.

“To take a shower care to join me?” He chuckled darkly. As he stocked towards you. You backed up a little. He grabbed your ankles. Pulling you down on the bed. “Unless you want me to finish you off here and in the shower. He kissed your thighs. Then nipped inside of each one. You yelped as you tried to hold your giggles. Had had you both places in the bed and in the shower. You weren’t going to lie you were sore. But never had you’d been fucked that good and that many of times. He was downstairs making breakfast. You slide your arms around him. Kissing the back of his bear shoulders.

“It was nice to wake up that way for a change.” You mumbled. You felt him sigh. “What did I do something wrong?”

“No not you darling. My brother and him not taking care of your sexual needs.” He grumbled.

“I can see way William said you stole all his girlfriends.” You giggled. You felt him tense.

“He said that I was the one that did?” He stoped turning the stove off as he closed his eyes. His brother always did like making him the bad guy. He needed to tell you. But he didn’t want to ruin what had been going on between the two of you right now. “ hey I need to run to the store and get a few things that we’re out of. He turned in you arms. Kissing the top of your head.

“I’ll go with you. I just got to get Dressed.”

“No, that’s all right. You I want you to stay eat breakfast. And get that cute little ass of yours ready for round three.” He grinned you felt his fingers push open your robe finding their way to your panties. He then made his point by rubbing his fingers against your covered folds. “Though it feels like someone is all ready, ready for me.” He growled in your ear. You whimpered when his hand left your body. “And do not start with out me love.” He kissed you again. As he walked away pulling his shirt on. You watched as he left. You sat and ate your breakfast that Tom made which was amazing as always. But you had to much pride to tell him. You heard a knock at the door.

“Did you for get your keys? You yelled as you walked to the door. With a shit eating grin. As soon as you opened the door. You smile faded. Eyes widened.

@kitkatkl @lokilvrr @instantnoodlese @acupofhotlatte @peacefulfall @fairlightswiftly @drakesfiance @januarycalendargirl @drakelover78 @emyhonny @lokigreyvatore @just--fics @got7wanda

@i-am-a-mes

[littlelovelymemes]

✰  —  —  *  PARKS & RECREATION SENTENCE STARTERS

‘  i tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and i broke everything.  ’ ‘  i typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have network connectivity problems.  ’ ‘  there’s only one thing i hate more than lying: skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk.  ’ ‘  don’t be such a baby. i cooked you some bacon for a trail snack.  ’ ‘  i really only listen to german death reggae and halloween sound effects records from the 1950s.  ’ ‘  whenever she asks me for the latin names of any of our plants, i just give her the names of rappers.  ’ ‘  i once forgot to brush my teeth for five weeks.  ’ ‘  i didn’t actually sell my last car, i just forgot where i parked it.  ’ ‘  i don’t know who al gore is and at this point i’m too afraid to ask.  ’ ‘  when they say 2% milk, i don’t know what they other 98% is.  ’ ‘  i’ve only slept nine hours over the past four days so i’m right on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  ’ ‘  upon my death, all of my belongings shall transfer to the man or animal who has killed me.  ’ ‘  since i am not a rabbit, no, i do not want a salad.  ’ ‘  you’re like an angel with no wings.  ’ ‘  oh my god you have to stop using the word ‘nipple.’  ’ ‘  you’re right, i know. i have to be a grown up... but it’s so hard!  ’ ‘  i was reading an encyclopedia and i tripped or ‘fell over’ and hit my head. or ‘brain helmet.’  ’ ‘  oh my god, your boobs are dead.  ’ ‘  i have a medical condition, alright! it’s called caring too much and it’s incurable!  ’ ‘  he put all my records into this rectangle! the songs just play one right after the other! this is an excellent rectangle!  ’ ‘  if i keep my body moving and my mind occupied at all times, i will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.  ’ ‘  guys love it when you can show them you’re better than they are at something they love.  ’ ‘  jogging is the worst. i mean, i know it keeps you healthy, but god, at what cost?  ’ ‘  i have done nothing wrong, ever, in my life.  ’ ‘  i know this and i love you.  ’ ‘  that’s too much responsibility. i gotta find a way out of this.  ’ ‘  you are a wonderful person. your friendship means a lot to me and you look very beautiful.  ’ ‘  i was kind of getting sick of listening to them talk about their relationship, but then i remembered that alcohol existed.  ’ ‘  i got stung once and i’m immune. go ahead and sting me, bees! it does nothing!  ’ ‘  i’m not afraid of cops! i have no reason to be. i never break any laws, ever... because i’m deathly afraid of cops.  ’ ‘  i’m fine. it’s just that life is pointless and nothing matters and i’m always tired.  ’ ‘  there will be alcohol there, so i will go as well.  ’ ‘  i can’t go because i don’t want to.  ’ ‘  i’m just gonna stay angry, i find that relaxes me!  ’ ‘  i don’t want to seem overdramatic, but i don’t really care what happens here.  ’ ‘  i’m just gonna leave early and go home.  ’ ‘  if any of you need anything at all, too bad.  ’ ‘  you have never been neutral on anything in your life. you have an opinion on pockets.  ’ ‘  dance up on me!  ’ ‘  i have an idea, it’s very uncool. it’s not illegal, technically. but it is a dick move.  ’ ‘  one time my refrigerator stopped working. i didn’t know what to do. i just moved.  ’ ‘  you’re stupid and you’re drunk and you’re stupid.  ’ ‘  you don’t even know one thing. i didn’t even say one thing and then she asked me the whole thing and i didn’t even do it once.  ’ ‘  i’m like an elephant, okay? if i walk into a room, it’s like, ‘oh he’s in there.’  ’ ‘  bababooey.  ’ ‘  mac and cheese pizza?! you’re making that?!  ’ ‘  i was dying earlier today. and then i died. now i’m dead.  ’ ‘  the only thing i will be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother!  ’ ‘  i don’t want to be overdramatic, but today felt like 100 years in hell and the absolute worst day of my life.  ’ ‘  i have been kind of tense lately. just thinking about the new star wars sequel.  ’ ‘  it does look sad. kind of. sorry for stepping on you, floor.  ’ ‘  if you rearrange the letters of peru, you can spell europe.  ’ ‘  you’re as guilty as you are sexy.  ’ ‘  this maze is like a maze.  ’ ‘  sometimes when i blow my nose, i get a boner. i don’t know why. it just happens.  ’ ‘  so i feel like you were mad at me yesterday and i don’t know why so i made a list of everything i did and i’m gonna try not to do any of them again.  ’ ‘  no, i’m not crying, okay? i’m allergic to jerks!  ’ ‘  i don’t even have time to tell you how wrong you are... actually, it’s going to bug me if i don’t.  ’ ‘  with all due respect, you’re a major dick.  ’ ‘  the calzones... betrayed me?  ’ ‘  who hasn’t had gay thoughts?  ’ ‘  do you think a depressed person could make this? no!  ’ ‘  i like your energy. what do you say you and i ride go-karts later?  ’ ‘  three words: treat. yo. self.  ’ ‘  treat yo self. it’s the best day of the year!  ’ ‘  i’ll tell you what. here’s the deal. if you get fired, i’ll quit, and we’ll leave together. i’m serious! move to a new city, change our names... burn our fingertips off with acid... swap faces... if we have to.  ’ ‘  monsters don’t have souls? uh, have you seen monsters inc?  ’ ‘  i make my money the old fashioned way: i got run over by a lexus.  ’ ‘  i took this thing called ‘zapvigil’ which apparently is what israeli fighter pilots use to stay awake so... right now it looks like i’m talking to a giant crab. stay away from me crab!  ’ ‘  well, you suck at being polite, sir.  ’ ‘  at one point, for no reason, i just took off my shoes and held them in my hand.  ’ ‘  three, two, one, and my shift’s over... what the fuck is your problem?!  ’ ‘  math is worthless in real life. i mean, there’s an app for calculating tips. that’s all you need.  ’ ‘  your house isn’t haunted, you’re lonely.  ’ ‘  just because i can’t go out with him, someone else can? wow.  ’ ‘  oh, this is bad. i should not have done this.  ’ ‘  she’s the worst person i’ve ever met. i want to travel the world with her.  ’ ‘  no, no, no, no. i’m not lonely. i have me.  ’ ‘  i love watching russian traffic accidents on youtube while i play children’s music at the wrong rpm.  ’ ‘  god, i am so annoyed that he would hypothetically do that.  ’ ‘  you beautiful, rule-breaking moth.  ’ ‘  you beautiful, naive, sophisticated newborn baby.  ’ ‘  you beautiful tropical fish.  ’ ‘  hope no one minds if i livetweet this bitch!  ’ ‘  i just want to hear the doctor say that he had a fart attack. is that too much to ask?  ’ ‘  the only things i like are dogs and sleeping late.  ’ ‘  it kind of sucks that i’m super broke and i want to buy you stuff and it’s embarrassing that i can’t.  ’ ‘  i don’t want anything. i just want to hang out with you.  ’ ‘  you’ve killed my spirit. my spirit’s blood is on your hands.  ’ ‘  i hate people.  ’ ‘  you can see the stars, which i hate. they’re creepy.  ’ ‘  i will kill you slowly with a giant syringe.  ’ ‘  what? i love garbage.  ’ ‘  i only tell the truth when it makes me sound like i’m lying.  ’ ‘  i want to be burned at the stake.  ’ ‘  i’m going to murder you a thousand times.  ’ ‘  people who buy things are suckers.  ’ ‘  this is 100% certified for realskis.  ’ ‘  well, if there’s anyone who can bring my parents together, it’s no one. no one can ever bring them together.  ’ ‘  getting married is the bravest, most wonderful thing you can do because every day you come home and you’re just like, ‘what? it’s you! i love you! you’re my sexy roommate. we love each other.’  ’ ‘  i am 100% certain that i am 0% sure of what i’m going to do.  ’ ‘  my anxiety has kept me up for over 50 hours.  ’ ‘  maybe we should find the person who stole your positive attitude.  ’ ‘  scientists believe that the first human being who will live 150 years has already been born. i believe i am that human being.  ’ ‘  messy is fun, okay? my whole life is a giant mess and i love it.  ’ ‘  friendship is better because friends help you move. they drive you to the airport. boyfriends just... love you and marry you.  ’ ‘  i hope you brought a change of clothes cause your eyes are about to piss tears.  ’ ‘  everything hurts and i’m dying.  ’ ‘  i need you to text me every 30 seconds saying everything’s gonna be okay.  ’ ‘  let me just say, from the bottom of my heart: my bad.  ’ ‘  there are no consequences to my actions anymore. i’m like a white, male u.s. senator.  ’ ‘  hey, are you busy? and writing star trek fan fiction does not count.  ’ ‘  what do we...? like, what do we do? like, what do we do? um, how- how do we- how...? how... how... how? what do we do?!  ’ ‘  oh, also, i have a little secret... i’m drunk.  ’ ‘  i do say the cutest stuff.  ’ ‘  i don’t want to cause a panic... news flash: we’re screwed!  ’ ‘  velvet slippies, cashmere socks, velvet pants, cashmere turtle. i’m a cashmere-velvet candy cane.  ’ ‘  you shut your mouth! you have all the strengths!  ’ ‘  never half-ass two things. whole-ass one thing.  ’ ‘  i’m a simple man. i like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.  ’ ‘  i guess i kind of hate most things, but i never really seem to hate you.  ’ ‘  time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge. let’s go!  ’ ‘  i have no idea what i’m doing, but i know i’m doing it really, really well.  ’ ‘  ovaries before brovaries.  ’ ‘  sometimes you gotta work a little so you can ball a lot.  ’ ‘  i have never taken the high road, but i tell people to ‘cause then there’s more room for me on the low road.  ’ ‘  just remember, every time you look up at the moon, i, too, will be looking at a moon. not the same moon, obviously. that’s impossible.  ’ ‘  i’m just gonna go live under a bridge and ask people riddles before they cross.  ’ ‘  i love games that turn people against each other.  ’ ‘  i don’t care about that prize, but i’m gonna win because i want his happiness to go away.  ’ ‘  that is the coolest sentence i have ever heard somebody talk.  ’ ‘  i wanted to make fun of stupid people while i get drunk. my two true passions.  ’ ‘  i am big enough to admit that i am often inspired by myself.  ’ ‘  if i could go back in time and cut your eyeballs out, i would.  ’

[itsholymoley]

hi so i was wondering if you want can you do a tom x reader where tom and the reader have been dating for a couple years and he’s pretty close with her dad and one day tom goes to her dad like “yo wanna play a game?” (of golf) and they start playing and suddenly tom is like “can i pls marry ur daughter” and her dad is like”OnLy iF yOu CaN bEaT mE” and tom is like “fUcK” cause he’s great or whatever but in the end the dad wins and turns to tom and is like “it’s chill dude u can marry her” pLeAsE

This is the CuTEST! Have a lil blurb (that turned into a huge blurb wow):

- - -

Ok so in my head you’re catching up and having lunch with Tom and your parents because you haven’t seen them in ages and you go to the golf course because they have your FAVOURITE gnocchi at the restaurant and your dad and Tom like to bond over golf.

You’ve just had lunch so you and your mum are sipping mimosas or something while Tom and your pop go off for a quick game like always. And Tom’s been really distracted all day and you have no idea why because he’s been this way for weeks but today he seems extra stressed, you think it might just be because he just got the next Avengers script (bc by some miracle they decided to trust him with it) and your parents like to grill him for spoilers. 

So they’re out on the driving range having a few swings, chatting and sipping a couple of beers (it’s all very blokey but it’s a summer afternoon, can you blame them?). And your dad’s just finished telling Tom a story about when you’d begged them to let you get a puppy even though you were near deathly allergic so you all went to the pound to look at dogs and you didn’t stop sneezing the whole time. 

And Tom would be SO SOFT inside because damn he loves you and he’d really nervously go “Hey uh, Mr (Y/L/N), I know this is kind of archaic but I’m really in love with your daughter and I want to spend the rest of my life with her so I’d like to ask for your permission to ask her to marry me.”

He says it SO fast that your dad barely caught it but he breaks out into the biggest, most shit-eating grin because Tom could very well be laying an egg with how much he’s anxiously shifting and your dad never could pass up an opportunity to fuck with your partners. So he’s all like “I don’t know Tom, are you MAN enough to fight for her hand?” lifting up his club so Tom knows he means golf

They go over the actual course and Tom is even more nervous because he has never once beaten your dad in golf and today is no different. He loses by at least two hits at each hole and by the twelfth, he’s sitting an embarrassing 32 points above your father. 

He’s all ashamed and sad and still super nervous because asking your dad was really just a formality, he was planning on asking you anyway and he didn’t want to now be on your dad’s bad side because of it. By super nervous I mean completely freaking out because he had no idea what to say or do now because he has to go back on his word and your dad’s going to be so mad omg. Your dad could definitely see how panickedTom was because he’s laughing so much and like slaps him on the shoulder and says “relax kid, you can still marry my daughter, you’re a great guy and I’d be honoured to call you my son-in-law.”

Tom is practically SOBBING because oh my god he’s not going to die and did he just say SoN-iN-LaW???? They hug and come back over to you and your mum and poor Tommy looks so dazed and exhausted and you’re internally like wth happened??

You and Tom go to pay the bill and you come back to your mum smiling like crazy and wiping tears away and trying to hide it from you and you’re like “ok seriously what the heCK is going on??” and they say that Tom actually beat your father for once and you’re like “wow ok that is a huge moment” but you know that’s not it because you’re not an idiot.

And a few weeks later Tom proposed and you say yes obvs and a few hours later you realise and  you’re like “was that what happened at the golf course?!?!?!?!” and you get married at the course and your dad tells the story in his toast and it’s all very happy

~fin~