#not necessarily to get them to agree with me. though obviously like any person i enjoy that

[jacksprostate]

Treatise on why No, the doctor just giving the narrator of Fight Club (full name) his requested sleep medication or sending him to therapy would not have Fixed Him

Firstly, saying giving him the insomnia meds would’ve fixed him ignores the reason he has insomnia in the first place. He is so deeply upset by his place in society that he literally cannot sleep. Drugging him to sleep would not change that. That, of course, is the easy, quick response.

But with regard to therapy? The biggest flaw is that it ignores a central tenet of the book. Part of what tortures the narrator and drives him to invent Tyler is that his feelings about this collective, systemic issue are constantly reduced to a Just Him thing. His seatmates ask what his company is. He’s the only one upset at the office. He gets weird looks if he says the truth of what he does. People will do anything in their power to pretend he is the issue, as an individual, because it is far scarier to consider the full implications of the systemic issues implied by what he is saying. Everyone treats it as if the issue is him, so he goes insane. He does anything to get someone to say, holy shit, that’s fucked up, what you’re a part of is wrong. In an attempt to feel any sort of vague sympathy and catharsis, he goes to support groups to pretend to be dying, because then at least people don’t habitually blame him for his anguish. 

Saying therapy would fix him ignores that his problems are not individual. They are collective. It’s the reason the entire story resonates with people! Something deeply, unignorably wrong with society, where people would rather blame you for bringing it up than try and address it, because it feels impossible. I don’t blame people for this, really, because it IS scary. It’s terrifying to sit and feel like you’ve realized there’s something deeply, deeply wrong, but if you say something, people will get mad at you since it’s so baked into everything around you. Or, even if they agree, it’s easier to deal with the dissonance by pretending it’s individual.

And it’s not like that’s not the purpose therapy and medications largely serve, anyway. Getting into dangerous territory for this website, but ultimately, the reason the narrator was seeking medication was because it’s a bandaid. A very numbing bandaid. For these very large, dissonance causing problems, therapy does very little. Medications do what they always have, and distract you with numbness or side effects. It’s a false solution. He is seeking an individualized false solution because he has been browbeaten with the idea that this is an issue with him alone, when it's plainly clear it's not. 

Don't get me wrong. Obviously he has something wrong with him. But it's a product of his situation. It is a fictional exaggeration of a very real occurrence of mental illness provoked by deep unconscionable dissonance and anguish.  There is a clear correlation between what happens and his mental state and his job and how isolated he is. 

The thing is, even if he were chemically numbed, I do think he would’ve lost it regardless. Many people on meds find they don’t fix things. For reasons I’ll get into, but in this case because even if numbed or distracted, once you’ve learned about deep, far reaching corruption in society, it’s very hard to forget. Especially if, in his case, you literally serve as the acting hand of this particular variety. He’s crawling up the walls. 

So why do people say this?  Well, it's funny I guess. Maybe the first time or whatever. But also, often, they believe it, to a degree. Maybe they've just been told how effective therapy and meds are for mental illness, they believe wholeheartedly in The Disease Model of Mental Illness, maybe they themselves have engaged with either and have considered it successful. Maybe they or someone they know has been 'saved' by such treatments. 

But in all honesty.... What therapy can help with is mentality, it's how you approach problems. For issues on a smaller scale, not meaning they are easier to deal with my any degree, but ones that are not raw and direct from deep awareness of corruption; these are things that can be worked through if you get lucky and get an actually good therapist who helps build up your resiliency. But when your issue is concrete, something large and inescapable? It's useless. At best it can help you develop coping mechanisms, but there is a limit for that. There is a point where that fails. To develop the ability to handle something like this requires intense development of a comfort with ambiguity and dissonance and being isolated and a firm positioning of your purpose and values and and belief in wonder and all the other shit I ramble about. The things that the narrator lacks, which lead him to taking an ineffectual death knell anarchist self-destruction path. Therapy, where the narrator is, full of the knowledge of braces melted to seats and all the people that have to allow this to happen? It fails. 

And meds — meds are a fucking scam. We know the working mechanism of basically none of them, the serotonin receptor model was made up and paid its way into prominence. We have very little evidence they're any better than placebo, and they come with genuinely horrific side effects. Maybe you got lucky. I did, on some meds. On others? I don't remember 2018. The pharmaceutical industry is also known for rampant medical ghostwriting, and for creating 'off-label' uses for drugs that have gained too many protests in their original use, then creating a cult of use to then have 'grassroots' campaigns for it to be made a label use (ie, legitimize their ghostwritten articles with guided anecdotes). 

The DSM itself is basically a marketing segregation plot. It's an attempt to legitimize the disease model by isolating subgroups of symptoms to propose individualized treatments for subgroups that are not necessarily all that separate. But if the groups exist, you can prescribe more and different medications, no? Not to mention, if you use the disease model, you can propose that these diseases are permanent, or permanent until treated, considered more and more severe to offset and justify the horrific side effects of the medications. Do you know why male birth control doesn't really exist? Same reason. They can justify all the horrible side effects for women, because the other option is pregnancy. For men, it's nothing. 

And they're not bothering to invent new drugs without side effects. When they invent new drugs it's just because the last one got too bad of a name, or they can enter a new market. Modern drugs don't work any better than gen1 drugs. They still have horrific side effects. At best, the industry will shit out studies saying the old one was flawed (truth) so they can say this new gen will be better (lie). They're doing it with ssris right now. 

Fundamentally, the single proposed benefit of any of these drugs is that they numb you. To whatever is torturing you. It's harder to be depressed if you can't feel it, or if you just can't muster the same outrage. Of course, there is people who find that numbness to be helpful, or worth it. But often, it's stasis. For the people who have problems that can be worked on, it serves as a stopgap to not actually work on said problems. The natural outcome of the disease model is stagnation for those whose need is to develop skills and resiliency. It keeps them medicalized and dependent on the idea that they're diseased and incapable. Profitable. Stuck in the womb. 

I’ve been there. It’s easier, to wallow, and resist growth because it’s difficult and painful and unfair and cruel and you can think of five billion reasons to justify your languishing. But don’t listen to anyone who tells you you’re just permanently damaged, no matter how nicely they word it, no identity or novel pathologization, no matter how many benefits they promise, especially if they swear up and down some lovely expensive medications with little solid backing and plentiful off-label usage and side effects that’ll kill you. Some days it feels like they want us all stuck in pods, agoraphobic and addicted to the ads they feed us to isolate the markets for the drugs they’ve trained us to beg them to pump us with. Polarization making it as easy as flashing blue light for go, red like for stop, or vice versa. I worry about the kids, for fucks sake. That’s a bit dark and intense, and I apologize. But I want you (generic) to understand, there is a profit motive. Behind everything. And they do not mean well. They do not care about your mental health or your rights or your personhood or your growth. They care about how they can profit off of you.

For those struggling with immovable, society problems, like the narrator grappling with how his job fits into and is accepted by society while his rejection and horror in the face of it does not, it can work about as well as any other drug addiction. Your mileage may vary. From what I've seen, recovering from being on prozac for a long time can be worse than alcohol. They put kids on this shit. They keep campaigning for more. Off label, again. A pharmaceutical company’s favorite thing to do has to be to spread rumors of someone who knows someone who said an off label use of this drug helps with this little understood condition. Or, in the case of mental illness, questionably defined condition. And like, damn, I know I'm posting on the 'medicalization is my identity' website so no one will like all this and has probably stopped reading by now, but yall should be exposed to at least one person who doubts this stuff. Doesn't just trust it. Because I mean, that's the thing right?

It's so big. What would it mean, for this all to be true? Yeah, everyone says pharmaceutical companies are evil and predatory and ghostwriting, but to think about what that really entails. Coming back to the book, everyone knows the car lobby is huge and puts dangerous vehicles through that kill people. What does it mean if the car companies all hire people to calculate the cost of a recall and the cost of lawsuits? No one wants to think about the scale that means for people allowing it or the systems that have to be geared towards money, not safety like they say. Hell, even Chuck misses the beat and has the narrator threaten his boss with the Department of Transportation. And shit, man, if every company is doing this, you think Transportation doesn't know? That they give a fuck? You're better off mailing all the evidence to the news outlets and hoping they only character assassinate you a little bit as they release the news in a way that says it's all the fault of little workers like you, not the whole system. Something something, David McBride, any whistleblower you feel like, etc. 

So I don't blame you, if your reaction is "but but but, that can't be right, people wouldn't do it, they wouldn't allow it" or just an overwhelming feeling of dread that pushes you to deny all of this and avoid thinking about it. Just know, that's in the book. That's all the seatmates on the flights. That's all his fellow officemates. It's easier to pretend, I know.

But think about, how the response fits in with the themes of the book. The story, as a movie too. What drives the narrator’s mental breakdown? How would you handle being in his position? How would you handle being his seatmate? It’s easy to say you’d listen. But have you? Have you had any soul wrenching betrayals of how you thought society worked? How about a betrayal by the thing that promised to be the fix of the first? Can you honestly say you wouldn’t follow that gut instinct, saying follow what everyone says, that person must just be crazy, evil, rude, cruel, whatever it is that means you can set what they said aside?

For a lot of people, they can do that, I guess. Set it aside. Reaching that aforementioned state of managing to cope with the dissonance and ambiguity and despair is very hard. The narrator made the Big Realization, but he couldn’t cope. He self-destructed. Even when people don’t make the big realization consciously, they’re already self-destructing. It’s hard to escape it when it feels easier than continuing anyway. When it feels like the only option,

Would therapy fix the narrator of Fight Club? Would meds fix the narrator of Fight Club? No. He knows too much. All meds will do, by the time he’s in the psych ward, is spiritually neuter him. A silly phrase, but really. Take the wind out of his sails. 

Is he fixed if he doesn’t try to blow up town? If he just shuts up and settles in and stops costing money? If he still can’t cope with the things he’s unearthed? Do you see how this is a commentary in a commentary in a commentary?

Fight Club is an absolutely fascinating story because of this. The fact that it addresses the fallout of knowing. The isolation. The hopelessness. The spiral that results from a lack of hope. This is, I think, what resonates most with people, even if not consciously. Going insane because you’ve discovered something you wish you could unknow. It’s a classic horror story. Should our society be lovecraftian evil? I don’t think so. 

Do I think changing it will be easy? No. Lord knows a lot exists to push people who make these sorts of Realizations towards feelings of individuality and individualized solutions and denial and other distractions and coping methods. And to prevent people who make One realization from expanding on it and considering further ramifications. Fight Club itself gets into this; the isolation of men being a strict part of the role society shapes for their sex leaves them very vulnerable to death fetishes, in a sense, and generally towards self destructive violence. It helps funnel them away from substantial change and towards ineffectual change. Many things, misogyny, racism, serve to keep people isolated from one another, individualized, angry, and impossible to work with. Market segregation; god knows even appealing on those fronts has become such a classic ploy that companies do it now, the US military frames its plundering that way, etc. 

I’ve wandered a bit but ultimately, my point is this: Fight Club is a love letter to the horrors of critical thinking, and the importance of not falling into the trap of self destruction and hopelessness in the face of it. The latter is why Tyler was an anarchoterrorist instead of anything useful. The latter is why it was a death cult. It’s important to work through the horrors of critical thinking so you can do it, and stand on the other side ready to believe in each other. It’s worth it.

[her-favorite]

THREE’S COMPANY; M. STURNIOLO & M. BEER

MATT STURNIOLO X F!READER X MADISON BEER

warnings: SMUT, NOT A THREESOME!!, madison x reader / matt x reader (only), mean!dom!matt/sub!reader/soft!dom!madison, sex in public, strap on (mads), matt AND madison the munch, degrading, i thiiink that’s it (besides the usual)!

wc: 13,906

a/n: i’m so sorry for the people that were waiting for this for how long it took!! it took me so long to figure out the plot and once i did, i got to writing! soo hopefully you guys like longer fics, get some snacks and enjoy :)!

SYNOPSIS: When Matt and Madison both have their eyes on their friend, what better solution was there then to share?

tags!: @chrissv4mp @mattybsgroupie @cuntymilaa @ihavenoideayimhere @fratboychrisera @lizzymacdonald06 @riasturns @emotionalblues @y0urval3ntine @pinksturniolo @blahbel668 @x0x0bunny @watercolorskyy @riversandwinds @https--roman @fratbrochrisgf @chrisbesitos @vrlixlia

m.b. & m.s. masterlist

-

Neither of them had planned this. It just happened.

When you had walked into Madison’s life, you both had immediately hit it off. You were her best friend. You both would go on weekly friend-dates, have movie nights, go shopping, all of it. There was almost nothing you guys wouldn’t do together.

The day that Madison had introduced you to the Sturniolo triplets was the day things changed.

When you had met Matt, he had immediately felt infatuated with you. And, despite you being as close as possible with Madison, you hadn’t known of her crush on you - and, thankfully, she was unaware of yours as well. But it was complicated; you had feelings for your best friends.

Every time you, Madison and the triplets would hang out, you couldn’t help but notice the way Madison would gravitate towards you, as if marking you as her own. You spent so much time denying that fact, too unconvinced that she could even have an inkling of a crush on you. But the way her arm slung around your waist or her hand fitting into yours was a hint. Though, you chalked it up to her just being a touchy person.

With Matt, it was different. He wasn’t as affectionate as Madison was, steering away from making any voluntary physical intimacy between you two, too scared to make you uncomfortable. He would occasionally rest a hand on your back if he noticed you getting nervous in a busy outing, or to move you away when you’re unaware of someone else’s presence around you. Matt’s touch always seemed to be when he deemed needed, not like Madison’s where it was when she wanted it.

Today, your entire friend group had arranged a hang out at the new restaurant that had just opened up down the street. Once you figured out Madison was going, you had agreed. Your decision was only amplified when you had gotten word that the triplets were going as well.. which, obviously, meant Matt.

It was borderline embarrassing the way you centered your outings on whether your two best friends were going or not. You had tried to convince yourself that it was just because you felt the most comfortable around them, so it felt safer to be out when they were around.. which wasn’t necessarily a lie, it was just.. not the only answer.

Madison texted you earlier, offering to pick you up and take you with her to the restaurant. Without a doubt in your mind, you agreed, receiving a cute typed out smile and a thumbs up in return.

Hours went by until Madison had texted you saying she was at your house. You had gotten ready and sprayed on the right amount of perfume, hoping your friend would say something about it.. god, you were whipped. And she wasn’t even yours!

Smiling as you rush out to her, it tenfolds as your eyes notice her sitting in her car, waiting for you. Looking away from her radio, Madison’s brown eyes light up as a wide smile settles across her soft, pink lips. Despite knowing her for so long, every time you both saw each other was like the first time. The thought always made your heart race as it reminded you that Madison felt the same way as you whenever you saw her.. could she feel a certain way about something else, too?

“Hi.” Madison drags out the vowel with a smile as you hop into the passenger side. You return it, reaching over to buckle yourself in. Leaning back against the seat, the sound of the music fills the otherwise silent car. “I’m glad you’re going. I was hoping it wouldn’t be me just sulking the entire time ‘cause you weren’t there.” She teases, but deep down, Madison knew her words were true. Despite her loving her friends to the end of the earth, she felt a different way about you. She didn’t know why.. or even what she felt, but it was weird and foreign - a feeling she’s never felt for someone before.

Her words make your heart skip a beat. Madison has always had this effect on you, somehow making you flustered by the littlest things. You hoped that she didn’t notice the way you reacted, too nervous for her to figure out the way you truly feel for her. If you were honest with yourself, it was pathetic the way you liked her. She was your best friend.. and you hated the way you would do anything for her.

“Yeah? You’d miss me that much?” You smile. Your tone had copied hers, a teasing edge to your voice. Despite the joking, you kind of hoped she was telling the truth. You’d be lying if you said your heart wouldn’t crack a little if she denied.

Madison rolls her eyes at your question. “Duh.” She says, mindlessly moving her hand slightly to squeeze yours. Madison wasn’t a stranger to affection, she always loved being close to you - in any way. You never declined her touch, too enamored with the contact from the girl to even think of saying no. “When do I not miss you?” She adds, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world that you were constantly on her mind. The thought made you spiral.

“Oh! It’s almost past six, we should get going.” Madison notices, startling you out of your daze. Her hand had left you to move the gearshift, the warmth of her palm immediately leaving you. You sigh quietly as you relax into the seat again, Madison’s car pulling out of your driveway as she starts to drive down your street, to the restaurant your plans were set at.

“You okay?” She asks, in that soft, perfect voice of hers. The question caught you off guard as you turn your head to look over at her. Her eyes were fixed on the road ahead, but you noticed the way she looked away when you had moved to watch her.

“Yeah, ‘m’fine.” You mumble. “Why?” You ask, your brows furrowing slightly. You knew Madison could read you like a book; it was almost irritating the way she knew you and your body language so well.

To Madison, you’ve been acting distant lately. She didn’t know what was wrong or if she had done something, but it was bothering her. Were you growing apart from her? Did you not like hanging out with her anymore? She didn’t want you push you away, truly, but she was too focused on getting the answer to her own questions.

She shrugs slightly, switching her footing to let the gas peddle go as the light turns green. “Just.. wanted to make sure nothing was bothering you.” Madison replies, her hand tapping lightly against the steering wheel. “I feel like,” she stops herself, pouting her lips as she thinks if her next words were a good idea or not. Biting the bullet, she says, “I feel like you’re.. drifting from me.” Madison admits quietly. There was an edge of anxiety in her voice that your mind had instantly picked up on.

Her words made your eyes widen slightly. How long has she been thinking this? You sit up in your seat, looking over at her. It wasn’t like you could tell her what was going through your head. Hey, Mads, I love you in a non-friends way! But, no, I’m fine!

You swallow dryly as your eyes wander her side profile. She was perfect.. “Madison, I.. I’m sorry.” You say softly. “I’ve just been in my head a lot recently, which isn’t an excuse, but,” you shrug, trailing off. “I’m sorry I made you feel like that.” You say earnestly, watching her reaction. You didn’t know what you would’ve done had you revealed the truth.. well, you weren’t lying per-say - it just wasn’t the entire truth.

Madison soaks in your words as she nods. Her grasp on the wheel relaxes at your explanation, glancing over at you as she presses on the brakes as she stops at a red light. Her eyes look into yours, the dark, hypnotizing irises that make your breath hitch. She reaches over the console between you and gently takes your hand, giving it a soft squeeze - whether it was to reassure you or her. You felt your heart skip a beat, despite your friend’s natural affection.

“I understand, Y/N.” Madison nods, subconsciously rubbing her thumb against the side of yours. “Sorry for springing this on you — ”

“Don’t apologize.” You shake your head and squeeze her hand. “I’m glad you told me.” Your voice comes out softer than usual, your sincerity clear in your tone. Madison nods and gives you a smile.

As she turns down the street, you realize that she’s yet to pull her hand away from yours. Did she even notice that she was still holding your hand? You couldn’t complain either way, but.. you hated the way your stomach filled with butterflies at the touch.

The restaurant came into view down the street as Madison drives closer. There was a bunch of cars already parked in the lot around it, some of them you recognizing as your friends. Madison mumbles to herself as she drives around, trying to find a parking space. Once you help her, she places it in park and shuts off her car. Her free hand moves to grab her purse before tensing up as she realizes her other hand was still in yours.

“Sorry.” Madison mutters, reluctantly taking away the warmth of her hand. Your palm immediately felt the chill from the AC that was previously on, but you shrugged her apology off. It was often that Madison held your hand, but right now, something felt different.

Stepping out of her car, you sigh as you try to forget all of your loud thoughts. Being in there with Madison, it was difficult. Recently - whenever you’re hanging out with her one on one - it was hard keeping your feelings at bay. It was like they doubled over as you talked with her; just being in the same vicinity as her made your heart flutter.

Rounding her car, you finally got a good look at her outfit.

Clad in her signature baggy blue jeans, they sit on her legs as they blow slightly from the wind. A strap on her tank top was shown as her zip up jacket hung off one shoulder. The outfit was very Madison, cute but comfortable. You hated the way you couldn’t keep your eyes off of her.

Making your way inside, you follow behind Madison as she walks up to the host’s stand. Giving him the name of your friend that held the event, the host nods as he leads you towards the long table. Your friends sit together, chatting and laughing before they smile, noticing you and Madison make your way over. Waves exchange, as well as greetings.

You make your way to an empty seat, Madison accompanying you to your right. You talk with your friends, all while the heat from Madison’s body beside you radiates onto you, distracting you.

Your attention’s snapped to the sounds of footsteps coming closer. Looking over, three familiar silhouettes make their way closer. Your lips curl up as the triplets come by the table, greetings exchanged again as people chat and laugh with each other.

“Hey, Y/N!” Chris smiles, bending over to give you a hug as you sit in your chair. Despite being the closest with Matt, Chris was like a brother to you - texting you, calling you whenever he claims to miss you, or giving you random bear hugs whenever he deems necessary. Chris has always been an affectionate person with his loved ones, it was easy to feel cared for by him.

The three of them take the seats beside you, Matt claiming the chair next to you. He gave you a sweet smile as he sits down, his usual greeting falling from his lips. Your eyes focus on him, subconsciously raking along his outfit. A white tanktop was underneath a baby blue polo, matched with jeans. The outfit was, arguably, one of your favorites - you always thought he looked really good in blue.

When it came to Matt and Madison, it was easy for your attention to be drawn to them. It was as if they were some sort of magnet to you, always attracting your focus on to them. It was frustrating in a way, having your eyes on them whenever they were around, but the way you felt about them.. it was undeniable. And you hated that. It was wrong, they’re your best friends. Besides, it wasn’t like you could have both.

Orders have been placed as your drinks have already been served. The table was filled with chatter as the sound takes over the restaurant, adding to the other families and couples that were also inside the building. Conversations flowed easily as your head turned from left to right, friend to friend.

You jump slightly as you feel a warm hand welcome itself on your thigh. Your eyes dart down to it, noticing the french tips on the acrylics that were pressed on to their nails. It was obvious who it was, but your eyes trailed the arm up as you look over at Madison beside you. It wasn’t unusual for her to have her hands on you, but in public?

Something felt different tonight; like the feeling you had earlier in her car. Was she being possessive when she slightly tightened her grasp on your thigh, or was it just a habit? Were you reading too much into it when you saw Matt’s blue eyes darken when he noticed Madison’s hand on you? Or were you just convincing yourself that his clenched jaw meant that he was impatient for food and not because of how he wished that was his palm on your thigh?

A gasp leaves your lips as Madison’s nails lightly graze against your thigh, bare skin shown as your skirt rode up from sitting down. Your thighs squish together, but Madison’s fingers didn’t care - they trace along the area near your inner thigh, as if teasing you on purpose. Was she doing this on purpose? You knew better than to get your hopes up, but this felt like something more than just.. usual affection. You were used to Madison being physical with you, but she’s never held your thigh like this - it felt almost.. intimate in a way.

“Meet me in the bathroom? Please?” Madison whispers in your ear, eliciting goosebumps on your skin. There were times where you and her would go to the restroom together to touch up makeup or to just take a breath from the public and sit with each other. But now.. this felt unusual; like she had some sort of ulterior motives. But something inside you was drawn to her, begging to accept her offer.

With a dry swallow, you nod. Meeting her hazel eyes, Madison’s full lips curl up at your answer. “Good.” She mumbles. Glancing away, she gives a, “be right back,” to the people around her, squeezing your thigh. The action makes you inhale sharply, not expecting it. Madison gets up from her seat, giving you a look as she tucks it under the table before walking in the direction of the restroom sign at the other side of the room.

Waiting another minute, your eyes scan the table, hoping not to have any attention on you. Letting out an exhale, you try to shrug off the nerves as you get up from your chair. Biting at your bottom lip, you push the seat in before quietly walking away as you follow Madison’s previous footsteps.

On the way there, you hadn’t felt those blue eyes on you.

Shoving the door open to the women’s restroom, you look around to make sure it was empty. Thankfully, the small room was vacant as you made your way in further. Swallowing nervously, you mumble, “Mads?”

The click of a lock sounds through the room as your heart rate picks up. Looking over to the stalls, you watch the way the white door opens and your best friend pops her head out. A quiet chuckle leaves you, despite your undeniable nerves. Why were you so nervous? She’s your best friend, nothing weird could happen. Besides, you’re in public.

“Sorry for taking you away from everyone.” Madison breaks the silence, walking out of the stall and coming closer to you. Shaking your head, you dismiss her words. “I just wanted to talk to you.” She adds. Licking her lips, she reaches forward and gently takes your hands in hers. A jolt of warmth had flowed through you as your palm met hers, your heart fluttering at the contact.

“What’re you doing to me?” Madison whispers, seeming to be more of a question to herself than anyone else. The words confuse you, but you let her speak. “You’re so pretty, Y/N.” She mumbles, leaning down to press her forehead to yours. Your breath hitched in your throat at the action. You and Madison have cuddled countless times, but this.. this felt amorous.

Madison’s breath hits against your lips. Despite the warmth of it, it sends a chill down your spine being so close to her. “I need you.” She whispers, her soft words flowing into the air around you both. They ring and ring in your ears, replaying until you get the courage to reply. Your lips part as your heart starts to beat faster.

“Have me.”

At your confirmation, Madison doesn’t wait a second to lean forward and press her lips to yours. You inhale through your nose, your eyes closing in content as your heart beats faster and faster. This felt like it was out of one of your dreams. You’re kissing your best friend.. you’re kissing Madison.

Her pink lips mesh with yours, the entire scenario feeling surreal. Her lips were so soft against yours, pillows that soothed your inner nerves. Your hands were hesitant as they moved up to gently cup her cheeks. Madison smiles into the kiss. Despite not being able to see it, it was still contagious as your lips curl up. At that, you both break away to regain your breaths as your exhales hit each other’s mouths.

“Needed this for so long.” Madison whispers. Her confession surprises you, but before you could reply, she smashes her lips to yours again. Her hands grasp your hips, fingers massaging into your skin through your clothes. Her tongue licks along your lip, asking for access. Immediately, you couldn’t help but give in as you part your lips, tongues tangling in a desperate kiss. Your hand glides to the back of her head, mixing into her soft, silky hair. Her taste was addicting, the lingering flavor of her cherry chapstick adding to the feeling of her lips. In the back of your mind, you knew you were going to get addicted to this and it scared you. What if this was a one time thing?

Pushing your lips closer to hers - if even possible - you try your best to forget the fleeting thoughts. Madison quickly reciprocates your passion, her tongue roaming your mouth as if it were hers. You couldn’t say you’d mind if she claimed it.

Pulling away from your lips, Madison’s eyes flutter open as you follow her. Swallowing dryly, you make eye contact with her. Her pink lips were swollen from your kisses. Reaching her hand up, she gently takes your bottom lip under her thumb and drags it down. She watches you as she licks her own lips, your lower lip still pulled down as she leans forward again, slowly pushing her tongue to the front of her parted lips as she connects it with yours. The kiss was messy and needy, but it felt so good.

Taking a few steps back, her hands on your hips allow you to follow her. “Want you.” Madison whispers against your lips. She’s slowly pulling you back into the open stall, shutting the door and clicking the lock shut before resting your back against the door. “Let me have you, please.” She breathes, her grip growing possessive on your body.

Mindlessly, you nod. Was this some sort of crazy realistic dream? Your best friend, Madison Beer, was standing in front of you, admitting that she’s wanted you for so long. The thought alone makes your heart race. So long? As long as you wanted her?

“Words, baby. Need to know you want this.” Madison hums softly, bringing her hand up to brush a strand of hair away from your face. Her gentle, yet commanding tone only adds to your growing need.

Nodding again, you reply, “Yes, Madison. Please.” You didn’t care how desperate you sounded, you needed this. You’ve dreamt about this for as long as you can remember, even seeing her in this light makes an ache form between your legs. You couldn’t count the amount of times you’ve woken up from a dream so similar to this - one where you’ve had to soothe the throbbing in your panties.

Madison smiles at your response, nodding slightly. “Already such a good girl for me.” She praises, her hand that was in your hair moving to trace along the side of your face. Her words make your thighs clench, something Madison immediately picks up on. “You like me calling you that, pretty girl?” She smiles, her hands grazing along your body. You nod as you let out a shaky exhale. Humming, Madison licks over her teeth. Her hand takes yours as she leads it down to her crotch. Your eyes widen as you feel something hard beneath her baggy jeans. Glancing from her pants up to her eyes, Madison chuckles lowly at your shocked reaction.

She wore this here?

She presses down on your palm, making your hand grasp the strap harder. You could feel your arousal start to pool as the tingly feeling in your stomach makes your heart beat faster. Leaning forward, Madison grazes her nose along your neck. Your pulse beats quickly against your skin as you rest your head back against the door of the stall. Your eyes flutter shut as her lips start to pepper kisses to your neck. They grow wetter and more eager as seconds go by, traveling down to the neckline of your shirt.

Her hands move to glide up your waist, bunching at the hem of your shirt. “Can I take this off?” Madison murmurs, her lips never stopping their kisses on your skin. With a nod and a quiet, “please,” she does so and haphazardly places your shirt on the small area above the toilet paper dispenser.

Madison lets out an exhale as she takes you in, silently thanking you as you decided to go braless. Leaning back down again, she lays her lips on your skin, taking a leisure pace down your chest. The thought of all your friends being out in the rest of the restaurant was nowhere near the forefront of your mind - the only thing you’re thinking of being Madison.

Your hand rests softly on the back of her head as she gets down to your breasts. Your lips part as a gasp leaves them once Madison’s pretty lips wrap around your nipple. Threading your fingers through her brunette hair, your breathing picks up as her tongue lathers the sensitive area. A whimper escapes you as she starts to suck on it, your hand tugging lightly. Your thighs clench together as your desire for her only seems to grow more intense as the seconds go by.

Madison’s free hand slides up your body and grasps your boob, massaging the tissue. The added stimulation makes another sound emit from your lips as you arch into her touch. Her fingers tweak at your nipple as her mouth pulls on your other one.

Madison detaches from your nipple, your eyes fluttering open to look down at her. A thin string of saliva connects from her lips to your breast, the sight making an uncontrollable whine leave your throat. She chuckles quietly at your reaction, licking her lips to cut the string off. Madison skims her hands along your body, acrylics hooking into your waistband, the light scratch of them sending a shiver down your spine.

“Need to taste you so bad, Y/N.” Madison mumbles. Your fast breathing makes your words more difficult, so you set on nodding. Madison watches your consent as she pulls your skirt down, letting your panties fall with it. Nibbling at her bottom lip, the fabric that hid your lower half sat on the floor as her hazel eyes wandered your now bare body. You felt so exposed, not only to her eyes, but being so vulnerable in public.

“Such a pretty girl.” Madison hums. Her praise sends a jolt of warmth through your body, mixed with her low, sultry tone. “I need you to be quiet for me, okay?” She coos, maintaining eye contact with you as she begins to kneel down. You nod quickly, her words barely clicking in your mind, too caught up in the way your best friend looks on her knees. It was pathetic the way you immediately melted beneath her, ready to obey any order she gives you. But it’s always been like that - this time was just more.. intimate.

At your nod, Madison hums quietly. Gently parting your thighs, you fix your positioning of your feet to give her better access. You swallow heavily as you watch her, your heart racing. You were too close to pinching yourself to make sure this was real.

Madison keeps a firm grip on your thighs before wrapping her hand under one and pushing it on top of her shoulder. It gave her a better opportunity to see and taste you. Looking up at you from between your legs, Madison gives you a smile. “Gonna make you feel so good, baby.” She promises.

Without warning, Madison leans forward and dives in. Licking a stripe up your center, her warm tongue collects your arousal. The sudden action elicits a gasp from you as your hand instinctively reaches for the back of her head. With the smooth surface of the door behind you, there was nothing to hold on to, so your fingers curled into a fist as your head rested back against it. Your bare back held goosebumps from the cold temperature of the door, but your mind was too clouded with the way Madison was making you feel to care about anything else.

She lathers your pussy with her saliva, only adding to the already drenched area. Her brown eyes stay focused on your face as she wraps her full lips around your clit, the sides of them curling up as she watches you let out a breathy moan. Digging her acrylics into your thighs, she eats you out like a woman starved. It was as if she had been waiting for this moment forever and now that she has it, she wasn’t gonna let it go to waste.

Gliding down again, her tongue teases at your entrance. You whine slightly, your fingers tightening in her hair. You knew you admittedly had no reason to be impatient, but you’ve been waiting for this for as long as you can remember. You needed her, and needed her now.

“Shh, angel. I’ll give you whatever you want, okay?” Madison coos softly. The gentleness of her voice and words soothe you immediately, your hand loosening in her soft hair. Nodding, you lick your lips as you decide to meet her gaze. Her brown eyes were darkened, filled to the brim with lust. Pink lips were curled up as she stays put just centimeters away from where you desperately needed her.

As if Madison knew what you were thinking, she leans forward and laps at your wetness again. The action elicited a shaky inhale from you, the intense eye contact with her only fueling the fire that was growing inside you.

The taste of you on Madison’s tongue was like a drug to her. She knew that, now that she has the knowledge of what you taste like, she’s going to be thinking about it every time she looks at you. And, inside, she knew that this was probably a dangerous situation to be in to in the first place, but.. Madison didn’t care - at least, not right now, as she’s tongue deep inside you. And, god, you tasted so good. Madison was done for.

Your chest heaves as Madison greedily soaks in your flavor, your fingers tugging at her hair, mindlessly. The pressure made her whine against you, the vibration making your breath hitch. One of her hands glides away from your thigh, rubbing fast, unrelenting circles to your clit. Her tongue has yet to stop, savoring your taste on it as she wiggles it around. Hazel eyes repeatedly open and flutter shut, wanting to enjoy your flavor, but also wanting to watch you react to her actions.

Madison desperately wanted you to release, seeking for more of your taste. The knot inside your stomach tightened as the pace of her fingers and tongue doesn’t stop, your hand clutching at her brunette locks. Whines and moans left your lips, too caught up in the pleasure to remember where you were right now. Madison didn’t seem to care, besides her hand wouldn’t be able to cover your mouth at her position any way.

“Cum for me, baby. Please.” Madison mumbles into you, immediately resuming her actions once she’s done talking. Her words were the last push, the band inside you breaking as her fingers on your clit only stimulate you more. Crying out her name, your thighs tremble as Madison eagerly laps up your release. It was as if she was trying to quench her thirst of you, to let it satiate her need for you.

Quick breaths leave you as your chest rises and falls in a fast motion. Your eyes are closed as you try to regain your steady breathing, your fingers limp in her hair now. Madison presses one last gentle kiss to your sensitive clit before slowly getting up and placing your leg back on the floor. Keeping her hands at your hips, she helps steady you.

Looking up at her, you have to hold back a sound at the view: her lips were a darker shade of pink, swollen and covered in your arousal. Madison licks her lips, humming at the left over taste of you on her. She leans forward, pressing her forehead to yours again. Even in such intimate moments like this, Madison still is her affectionate self. Her little actions like these remind you that she’s still that same girl you’ve known all these years, the same best friend you’ve been in love with since you’ve known her.

Madison’s breath hits your lips, mingling with yours. “Please.. let me fuck you.” She whispers breathlessly, her blunt words surprising you. Despite that, you loved the way she always spoke her mind, and the way she makes sure you know what she wants only heightens your state of arousal. “Need it.. need you.” Madison grasps your hips tighter, bringing your body against hers.

“Have me.. ‘m’all yours, Mads.” You mutter, swallowing dryly. Your hands move down to her jeans as you keep eye contact with her, only adding to the tension in the small restroom. At your reply, Madison’s eyes darken, her jaw clenching. Hearing you call yourself hers made something inside her snap, not wasting a second from denying herself this any longer.

Madison helps you undo her jeans, letting the baggy material fall to her feet. Her strap sat on her, the sight of it all making your thighs clench together. Never would you have thought you’d see Madison, your best friend, half-naked in front of you with a strap on that she was going to use on you. The view is mouth watering, the way the pink belt wraps around her hips, her smooth skin showing underneath. Your hands reach forward to glide slowly along the hem of her zip-up, fingertips tracing along the bottom of her tank top.

“You want this off?” Madison coos, her hands following yours. Nodding fervently, Madison chuckles at your eagerness. She zips her jacket down and pulls off her top, folding them and letting them join where she put your shirt.

With Madison completely bare in front of you now, you could feel your heart practically trying to break free from your chest. Your hands reach out as you hesitantly glide your fingertips along her sides. She leans into it, letting out a soft, shaky breath when your palms gently cup her breasts. Her hands move to envelop yours, adding pressure to make your palms squeeze the tissue. She lets out a breathy sound from the action, the feeling of her nipples beneath your hands only adding to the throbbing feeling between your legs.

“Can’t wait.” Madison whispers, her hands moving to grasp at your hips. They glide down to your thighs, holding tightly. “Jump.” She commands. You obey, helping her place your legs around her waist. Pinning you to the door, her acrylics dig into the plush skin of your thighs as she steadies you in her grasp. “Fuck, you look so perfect like this. My pretty girl.” Madison praises, her words sending heat straight to your core. Her pretty girl. Did she know what she was doing to you?

Your arms snake around her shoulders as she holds you. Madison looks down, pressing her hips to yours to keep you up. Moving her hands, she parts your lower lips as she slowly glides the tip of the dildo along your pussy. A gasp escapes you, your nails gripping on to the skin of her shoulders.

“You’re gonna look so pretty taking my dick, baby.” Madison hums, as if it was the most normal sentence. Her dirty words elicit a whine from you, the mixed sensation of that and the feeling of the silicone teasing your entrance. She pushes her hips forward, leisurely thrusting the tip inside of you. “Taking me so well, Y/N. Doing so good.” Madison murmurs, her voice soft with care. Her brown eyes watch the way you suck in the pink silicone, the sight making her own arousal begin to travel to her inner thighs.

As she plunges deeper inside you, a whine leaves you as she finally fills you to the hilt. “I know, I know,” Madison coos, rubbing soft circles on your hips with her thumbs. “You look so beautiful taking all of me, sweet girl.” She says, staying still to let you adjust to the size of the silicone. Averting her eyes to yours, her pupils wander your expression. Something inside Madison was telling her this wasn’t real; it couldn’t have been.

But all of that was denied when you jerked your hips forward, whining for her to move. She lets out a low chuckle, licking her lips. “So impatient.” Pulling her hips back, she teases you as she lets the tip rest at your hole, not giving you what you needed.

“Madison! Please, I need - ” You start, ready to beg her.

Madison shakes her head slightly before forcefully thrusting her hips forward. With the rough push, a harsh moan escapes you as your eyes squeeze shut. Nails digging into her skin, your back arches against the door as Madison forms a rhythm with her movements. “No begging, pretty girl. Wanna give you what you need, m’kay?” She huffs, breathing becoming uneven as she moves.

The way that Madison rams her hips into yours leaves you breathless, needy for more, despite the raw way she’s fucking you against the wall of a stall. The thought makes you shiver as you remember exactly where you are: a restaurant, hanging out with all of your friends. This was wrong, beyond wrong. But you couldn’t find it in yourself to care, too high on the feeling of Madison plunging her strap-on deeper and faster into you.

“You.. You were made for me, Y/N.” Madison pants, biting at her bottom lip. Your body jolts with every thrust, your breasts bouncing with each motion. You nod eagerly - mindlessly - at her words. If you were to speak, it’d be incoherent babbles, the utter pleasure heightening as Madison’s thumb reaches down to rub at your clit again.

At a particularly rough jolt of her hips, a cry leaves you. Madison’s gaze immediately turns to your face. “Shh, babygirl, need you to be quiet. Can you do that?” She asks, though never relenting the harsh pace against you. Her words just barely register in your mind, already too fucked-out. You nod, whimpering as you breathe quickly. Madison nods and hums an approval. “Good girl.. such a good fucking girl.” With every word, she thrusts as deep as possible, speaking through clenched teeth.

Your shaky hand immediately travels up to your mouth, muffling the constant noises falling from them. Never have you felt such pleasure from sex before, but with Madison, it was like the only thing you got was pleasure. She was so focused on making sure you felt good, craving the reactions that you give her. Leaning forward, Madison lays her lips on your neck, leaving messy, wet kisses on the skin. Her lips lead down to your collarbone, licking along the canvas of your bare skin, as if trying to claim it as hers.

It wasn’t long before you felt that familiar knot inside your lower stomach again. The entire situation was so overwhelming, from being fucked by your best friend, to being in public, to already have came from Madison’s mouth. You were already sensitive from the previous orgasm, too caught up in the pleasure of it all to let the second one pass.

Clenching around the toy, you move your fingers away from your lips. “I.. ‘m’gonna cum, Mads!” You warn, your thighs tensing around her waist. Madison hums against your skin, popping her lips off of your collarbone where she left a mark. Licking her lips, she moves her head back to watch you.

“Do it. Want you to let go for me, okay? All over my cock.” Madison says, her words harsh, but her tone a mixture between soft and demanding. With her permission, and a few more thrusts, your head hits back against the door as a loud moan leaves your lips before Madison quickly moves her hand and forcefully covers your lips. She helps you ride out the euphoria, your body still trembling slightly against hers.

“Did so good, baby. Took me so well.” Madison praises gently, her hands moving to softly graze along your sides. She slowly helps you down, supporting you as your feet make contact with the floor. Your chest is still heaving as you lean your weight back on the door behind you. “You’re so beautiful.” She mindlessly whispers, brown eyes trailing along your bare, sweaty body. Her words make a tired smile form on your lips as you look over at her.

“Want you to feel good, too.” You mumble, licking your lips as you look her over. The silicone of her strap was wet with your release, sending another wave of heat through you.

Madison clicks her tongue at your words. “This is about you, sweet girl. I want you to enjoy it.” She replies. Shaking your head, your hands move to her hips. Your fingers fiddle with the buckles of the strap she was wearing, asking a silent question if you could take it off. Madison bites at her bottom lip before nodding, watching you undo them. You place it on top of your discarded skirt, too focused on Madison to care about your clothes on the floor of the bathroom - and it seemed to be reciprocated.

“I’ll enjoy this.” You say, more to yourself as you kneel down in front of her. Switching positions, Madison stands by the door where you had previously been. Your hands glide along her smooth thighs, your tongue aching for her taste. She watches you with eager eyes, pink lips parting as you poke your tongue out to lick along her. Over the time, her arousal collected, drenching her. Fluttering your eyes shut, the unique flavor of her had your heart beating out of your chest. It was like nothing you’ve ever tasted before, but you craved more of it, you needed it. How long were you supposed to go before you could taste her again?

Lapping at her greedily, your tongue had a mind of its own as it flickers at her clit. Madison lets out a whimper as her hand brushes through the back of your hair, tangling into the strands. Her acrylics scratch at your head, only adding to the entire sensation.

Your hand reaches up, lathering your middle finger in her wetness before trailing down to her entrance. Teasing it, you waste no time to push it inside her. Madison gasps as her hand tugs at your hair, making you whimper. Moving your digit inside her, you let her adjust to it before adding another, stretching her out. Sucking on her clit, you lather your tongue along it as you look up at her. Her face is scrunched up, lips parted as she pants, her chest rising and falling faster as seconds go by.

Opening her eyes, Madison lets her gaze fall down to you. The sight of you on your knees before her could’ve gotten her off. The way your eyes locked with hers only heightened her state of arousal, the desire flowing through them as you licked at her fervently. Your fingers don’t stop inside her, curling as you keep teasing her clit with your warm tongue.

Madison’s breath hitches at a certain angle from your fingers, her hips instinctively thrusting forward. At the reaction, you keep up your movements, wanting more of her pleasured reactions. A whine leaves her as she tries to hold back other sounds, not wanting to get caught.

“Fuck! Mm.. g - gonna cum.” Madison fumbles out, her thighs tensing as her stomach tightens. You hum against her, replying your approval. With the added vibration, a moan rips from her throat as Madison’s thighs shake, the knot inside her breaking. The sight alone was breathtaking, the way you get to see your best friend in such a vulnerable state like this. It was addicting and you hated the way you were scared of that.

Madison catches her breath as her eyes stay shut, her body leaning back against the door, just like yours had been. Gently pulling your fingers out of her, you lick away the release that was still on them before getting up from your knees, wincing slightly from the soreness that had formed.

Here you were, in a public restroom, with your best friend, Madison.. naked. It was out of a dream.. a very hot, sweaty dream.

This couldn’t be real.

When you had stepped back into the main restaurant, you cleared your throat as you nervously fiddle with the ends of your hair. You had tried your best to maintain it when you were looking in the bathroom mirror, but it was obvious something had happened. Once you had fixed it as much as you could, you had started to make your way back.

Getting back to the table with your friends, you had quietly pulled your chair out and sat back down. The smell of the food had floated around the room, making your stomach growl, making you realize just how hungry you were. Swallowing dryly, you nervously bite at your lip before picking up your utensils.

Madison walks out of the restroom a few minutes later, following in your footsteps to the table. The previous flush in her cheeks has faded, leaving a dash of a light pink hue to her cheeks. She had maintained her hair, despite your previous grasp in it, by brushing her fingers through the soft strands.

Taking her seat beside you, she gives a polite smile to the person beside her. “Oh, food’s here!” Madison smiles, mimicking everyone’s actions as she reaches for the utensils that were hidden in the large napkin beside her plate. She acts as if she hadn’t just gotten you off twice in the bathroom just moments ago.

Looking to your left, you meet Matt’s gaze. His blue eyes widen slightly when your eyes lock, not expecting you to look over at him.

Matt had immediately noticed how long you and Madison were in the bathroom together. Despite everyone else not paying attention to the two of you, he always had his eye on you. But when you came back out, discreetly fixing the bottom of your skirt and smoothing down your hair, Matt knew. All of your friends were too busy conversing with each other to realize what you and your friend had been doing with each other. He hated the way his stomach twisted with jealousy, almost losing his appetite at the thought of you being with Madison and not him. Envy was such an ugly emotion and Matt utterly despised the way it made him feel.. but he couldn’t do anything about it. He couldn’t stop the way the emotion ate him alive as he watched you two come back and sit by each other again.

By the time the night had gotten later and everyone had finished their food, people started to disperse. The bill was paid and everyone was saying their goodbyes, some throwing on their jackets and others not having one. You still needed Madison to drive you home.

If you were honest, you couldn’t read her feelings. You knew that what you both did together was going to make things awkward, but Madison played it off like it was the most normal interaction between you two. You wished you understood her thought process; what was going through her head at any moment, but you didn’t. You didn’t know what she was thinking and it terrified you.

Matt’s been acting strange all night. He never went out of his way to talk to you, only giving you one worded replies or hums in response to your words whenever you tried to speak to him. You weren’t sure what you did, you tried to recall anything you might’ve said that could’ve upset him, but nothing came to mind. Unless he figured out what you and Madison had done.. fuck, you hope not. You were more than confused with your feelings. You knew you liked Madison, obviously.. you admitted to yourself that you’re in love with her when you were in the bathroom. But you also liked Matt.. you have since you met him, since he always treated you with kindness and how you always felt like yourself when you were around him.

What were you gonna do?

After bidding your goodbyes to your friends, your eyes linger on Matt as you start to make your way out of the restaurant. He gave you a hug, like he usually does, but it was stiff and short - as if he was only doing it because he felt like he had to. Was he mad at you?

Sighing as you shut the passenger side door, you close your eyes as you lean back against the seat. You were looking forward to lying in bed and drifting to sleep. In the back of your mind, you knew that wasn’t necessarily gonna be the case - too caught up in your thoughts - but you can hope.

Madison joins you, turning on her car as she buckles herself in. Glancing over at you, she chuckles quietly. “You tired?” She hums, putting her car in reverse before slowly backing out of the parking spot. With a nod and a hum of approval, you let your eyes open as you look over at her. Even just driving, she looked utterly stunning - her side profile sculpted by some sort of higher being. You were always shocked by how someone could look so beautiful, doing absolutely whatever. Some times it upset you, knowing that this ‘crush’ wasn’t going anywhere and that you’d be stuck mourning a relationship you’ve never had with Madison. You hated that your mind didn’t even allow you to think about confessing your true feelings for her. And, despite everything that had happened today, you still felt terrified to even bring the topic up to her. Did she even like you the way you like her? Was she just horny and needed something to get her off? No, that couldn’t be it - she claimed that it was about you, not her. But still.. what if it was a one time thing? You hope not.

Fixing your gaze out your window, the radio fills the silence in the car. By now, the sun was setting, casting a pretty glow on the scenery passing by. Your window was cracked open slightly, letting the cool breeze flow through the car and clear your mind. The fresh air felt nice, a wave of serenity washing over you.

It took even less time to get back to your house, the daytime traffic now dispersed as the night grows darker. As Madison parks along the side of the road, she looks over at you. Unbuckling your seatbelt, your eyes meet.

If you were honest, you were more than scared to ask about what happened between you two. Are you supposed to just act like nothing happened? Was it worth it only for your friendship to be altered in response? You don’t know what you’d do if you lost Madison. The thought alone made your heart beat faster. You can’t help but wonder what she’s thinking.

Shrugging off your inner turmoil, you send Madison a small smile. “Thanks, Mads.” You say, referring to the ride to and from. She hums, nodding. “Goodnight.” You open the door, but before you could get out, Madison’s hand reaches forward to grasp your chin gently between her fingers. Your eyes widen slightly as you look over at her, surprised by the sudden action.

Leaning forward, her hazel eyes travel from your lips to your eyes. Just centimeters away from your lips, Madison gives you the time to back out. When you stay put, she doesn’t wait to press her lips to yours. It was soft and sweet, as if she was trying to tell you something through it, instead of verbally doing so. You wished you could read the sign, but it just didn’t click in your head. Did she just want you for benefits?

Slowly pulling away, Madison keeps her lips close to yours. Your eyes flutter open as you look at her, eyes locking. “Night, Y/N.” She whispers, taking away her hand. The loss of contact left you with a chill, silently disappointed at her decision to end the kiss between you two.

Swallowing dryly, you nod. Sending her a small, polite smile, you jump out of her car. Shutting it, you wave as you walk to your front door. Madison stays put until you unlock your door and step inside, turning her car back on and driving away as she watches you close it.

Sighing as you remove your shoes, you decide a shower would be best to try and clear your mind. Stripping off your layers, you step under the warm water, instantly relaxing your tense body. As you wash yourself off, the ache between your legs reappears as if mocking you for what you had done. You were still sensitive from Madison’s actions, physically and mentally.

You just didn’t understand. Did she just want a quick fuck, so she took her best friend because of how close you two are? No, even you don’t believe that. Madison wasn’t the type to play with people’s feelings; let alone yours… at least, that’s what you thought. Every part of you hated how much you were dwelling on this, but how could you not? One of your best friends had made you cum twice in a public bathroom at a restaurant the rest of your friends were hanging out at. Where Matt was hanging out at..

Shutting off the water stream, you dry yourself off and change into some comfy clothes. After brushing your teeth, you let yourself relax into your bed. The mattress held you gently, allowing you to soak into the soft material. Your eyes watch the screen of your laptop as it plays a youtube video, eyelids growing heavy with sleep as minutes pass by.

Before exhaustion takes over, your eyes pop open when you feel your phone vibrate on the bed. Looking over at it, you pick it up to see what the notification was.

From: Matt 🤍

hey sorry to bother

i was wondering if u wanted to come over tm?

Your eyebrows furrow slightly at the text. He wanted to see you again tomorrow? Not that you’re upset about it, you love Matt, but usually he’ll take a few days after going to such a huge event.

Tapping your fingers along your screen, you reply with a simple, “yeah ofc!” Sending it, you await a reply, only to get a thumbs up on your message. It elicits a quiet laugh from you, used to his dry way of texting.

Leaving it at that, you shut your phone off as you try your best to let sleep overcome you. Your mind was at an all time high, shooting any and every possibility about what went down with Madison today to what was going to happen tomorrow with Matt. Finally, when your brain decided to give you a break, you slowly drift off into a dreamless sleep.

Tomorrow was just around the corner.

-

By the time it was ready to go over to Matt’s house - or, rather, the triplets’ - you could feel your nerves growing.

It wasn’t often enough that you went over to their house compared to Madison’s. Usually, if all of you were together, it was an unspoken agreement that it’d be held at Madison’s house. But it was also more frequent that you hung out with her in general.

Despite that, you always admired their house. It was spacious and you liked the layout of it all, especially the way Matt styles his room. You enjoyed the cozy feeling to it, his decorations and matching colors setting the mood to a relaxing feeling whenever you step inside. But that may also just be Matt.

Matt had told you over the phone to just come inside, having already informed Chris and Nick of your arrival. You were beyond comfortable with the three of them. It was like their presence alone calmed you down, leaving you in a state of happiness and peace. Call it cliché, but you loved the way they made you feel. But with Matt.. it was different.

Matt has always stood out to you. You weren’t too sure why; maybe it was his style, or the scattered tattoos along his left arm, or the way he presents himself.. but he was just Matt. The boy that had greedily stole your heart when you had met him. A part of you thought it was unfair the way he had so easily captivated you, selfishly stealing your attention whenever he was in the same room as you. But the other part loved it - loved the way he looked and acted around you, the way he was always himself with you. It made something inside you flutter.

Calling a quick greeting to Chris, who was sitting at the dining room table on his phone as he snacked on a piece of candy, he reciprocates it with a sweet smile. You make your way to Matt’s closed door, giving it a few knocks before turning the knob and opening it. Laying on his bed, Matt scrolls through his phone before averting his gaze up to his door. Shutting it off, he tosses it beside him as he notices you.

“Hey.” He hums, getting up from the soft mattress. You return it, gently shutting the door behind you. Matt comes up by you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders. Leaning into him, yours snake around his middle, resting comfortably in his warm embrace. Whenever you two got together, this was how you greeted each other. It was sweet and innocently intimate. Besides, you loved the way you could hear his heart beat pick up just slightly whenever your ear would press against his chest.

“Why’d you want me over?” You can’t help but ask, moving to make your way on to his bed. Matt shrugs as he joins you, lying on his side as he takes you in.

“Just wanted to see you.” He replies, vague enough to keep you guessing, but also a polite enough answer to give your stomach butterflies. It was always so easy with Matt, in every sense of the word. The way he always managed to make you flustered was embarrassing, and you knew Matt took pride in it every time.

“You saw me yesterday.” You tease, chuckling. Your lips curled up, a smile present on your face. You couldn’t recall one time that you had felt sad in the presence of Matt, let alone because of him. When you were with him, it was like a new side of you shows, one where only laughs sound from your mouth and a constant look of joy is evident in your expression.

Matt rolls his eyes at your words, letting out a light scoff. “Yeah, I did.” He says. “Doesn’t mean I don’t wanna see you today.” Matt cocks his head to the side, lips curling up as he watches your bashful reaction. He’s always had trouble dealing with his emotions, let alone the ones he has for you. But sometimes, letting his lips move before he registers his words helps. Sometimes.

Unlike now, when he mindlessly blurts out his thoughts without thinking. “You and Madison took awhile in the bathroom yesterday.” Matt clenches his jaw once the words fall off his tongue, cheeks heating up slightly. He swallows heavily before averting his blue eyes to yours, gauging your reaction.

Your breathing stutters slightly, eyes snapping over to him. Your mind goes blank as you try to think of an excuse, though you were sure Matt had already figured out what happened. Was he waiting for you? Why was he conscious about how long you had been gone for?

“I.. we - ” You stammer, heart beat starting to pick up nervously. Matt notices your anxious response, giving him the answer he was suspecting. He was right.

“What’d she do to you?” Matt taunts, slowly moving from his laying position. You sit frozen on his bed, confused. Matt was never this blunt - how was he so casually asking you this stuff? Besides, why does he want to know?

“Um.. it - Matt,” you shake your head, trying to clear your racing thoughts. Matt hums, now standing at the foot of the bed. Your legs are stretched out, feet nearing the end of the mattress, by Matt’s thighs. Matt’s never been one to ask about your previous relationships, or anything romantic to be frank. It upset you in a way, always leading you to believe he wanted nothing to do with you in that way, that he couldn’t even think of you like that. But that wasn’t true. Matt never did because he couldn’t bear the thought of you being with someone else.. someone that wasn’t him.

“Can I touch you?” Matt murmurs, his fingers ghosting over your shins. The question elicited a shiver from you, a nod quickly following. He hums in approval, softly resting his large palms on your legs. Was this wrong? Your best friend had just fucked you yesterday, now you’re letting your other best friend touch you. Should you not be okay with this? How could you be, when you’ve been waiting for this for so long. How could you not be greedy?

“Please touch me.” You whisper out. Goosebumps erupt on your skin from the contact of his rough palms against your legs. Matt’s lips curl up at your plead, squeezing the skin of your thighs. The action makes you inhale, your heart seeming to beat out of your chest. Was this really happening? How can you let them just.. use you like this? Something inside you tried to brush that thought off.. you hated the way you didn’t care.

“I am, sweetheart.” Matt mocks smoothly, hands still gliding along your skin. His eyes watch your every movement, caught on the way you react to him. He would’ve never thought he’d get to see you like this; sprawled out, needing him. Fuck, he loved it - you just look so beautiful.

Leaning down, Matt starts to press soft, ghost-like kisses against the front of your leg. The feeling made you let out a shaky breath, your eyes on his white ceiling. “Look at me, pretty girl.” Pretty girl. Madison called you that last night, she claimed you were her pretty girl.

Blinking out of your daze, you lean up on your elbows, looking down at him. The way his face looked between your legs was hypnotizing, something you’d beg to see more often. His blue eyes pierce yours as he looks up at you, lust swirling through his irises. It was pathetic the way you immediately obeyed him, no matter the circumstances. But right now, as Matt kisses up your thigh, you couldn’t care about anything else, even if you tried.

Letting yourself fall back on the mattress again, Matt guides his kisses upwards. Moving from your thigh, to your covered waist, to your stomach, between your breasts and all the way up to your neck. Despite the clothing hiding your body, Matt’s lips didn’t stop. Once he reached the bare skin of your neck, he wasted no time on kissing it, leaving hot, wet reminders that he was there. His hands had traveled up to your waist, gently moving along your body.

Your arms had subconsciously made their way around his shoulders, one of your hands brushing through his soft hair. Eyes flutter closed as you relax into his bed, just the feeling of his lips against your skin making you feel hot. Your legs were spread, welcoming his body between them.

“Kiss me.” You whisper without thinking. Matt’s kisses stop, a smirk replacing his features. He leans his head up, licking his lips as he looks down at you. Reaching one of his hands up, he caresses his fingers along your cheek. Gliding his hand over, his thumb moves along your bottom lip, bringing it down.

Moving closer, his lips teasingly hover over yours. You try to lift your head up to meet him, but a low chuckle leaves Matt’s lips as he backs away. A whine escapes you before you could stop it. “Aw, poor girl.” Matt coos mockingly, looking down at you. His condescending tone heats up your body, embarrassment flowing through you. “Just want a kiss, hm?” He hums, smiling as he watched you nod. Matt rests his forehead against yours, his breath hitting against yours lips.

Matt swallows your gasp as he presses his lips to yours. His lips were soft, as if he had put chapstick on before you came over. Breathing through your nose, your mind gets used to the way he feels against you. His lips weren’t as full as Madison’s, but they felt just as nice. A part of you grew scared as you realized how attached you were already becoming to his taste.

Matt’s hands glide up your hips, just barely trailing under your shirt. “Can I take this off?” He asks breathlessly, a soft sound eliciting from your lips as he pulls away slightly. Your mind had immediately drifted back to Madison’s words the night before, how she had asked the same exact thing when she was tugging at your shirt. Fuck, stop thinking about it.

Nodding fervently, you swallow harshly as you look up at him. Cold palms slide up your body, bringing the fabric with. Lifting your arms to help him, Matt guides your shirt off of you and tosses it, not caring for where it goes. He lets out an exhale at the sight of your bare chest, his tongue darting out to lick his lips. His sizable palms travel along your body, starting from your jawline, to the skin that connects your neck to your shoulders. His left hand stops as his eyes notice a mark.

Trailing his index finger over the bruise, the subtle indent of teeth previously being there immediately catching his attention. Licking over his teeth, Matt feels the familiar pit of envy wash over him. He wanted to be the one to mark you, to let everyone know that you’re his.. even though you weren’t.

Moving down, Matt leans back to your skin, laying kisses on the opposite side of the hickey Madison had left yesterday. Unable to stop himself, he bares his teeth as he bites down, smiling as you let out a whimper. Your hand rests on the back of his head, encouraging his possessive acts on your skin. The way his tongue felt against your skin sent heat straight to your core, wondering what it felt like against where you really need it.

Kissing along your skin, his lips reach your breasts as they tease the sensitive area. Flicking his tongue out, Matt licks a strip along your nipple, making your hand tighten in his hair as you gasp. Subconsciously, your back arches into his touch, a chuckle leaving Matt’s occupied mouth. With your reaction in mind, his pink lips wrap around your nipple, lathering the skin with his warm tongue. His hand reaches up to grope at your other boob, adding to the pressure you were already feeling. Sucking on the tissue, Matt lightly grazes his teeth against it as you whine out at the action.

Pulling off with a pop, Matt pecks your nipple. “Such a noisy girl.” He hums, switching positions and moving his opposite hand to your now wet breast and his mouth to the other one. Repeating his actions, he makes sure they get equal attention. Pulling slightly on it, the foreign feeling elicits a whine of Matt’s name from you. Sucking on it one more time, he presses a soft kiss to it, contradictory to his actions just seconds ago.

Trailing down your body, marks are scattered as Matt finally stops at your waistband. Hands smoothly slide along you, landing on the fabric as he slowly pulls it down, leaving you in just your panties. His teeth graze the edge of the lacy fabric, resulting in your breath hitching as you watch his every movement. The sight was erotic, the way the man looked between your thighs, ready to devour you. Spreading your thighs a little more, Matt fits perfectly between them. Your hands move down, sliding along his shoulders, wanting - needing - him to strip off his shirt. You were almost bare in front of him and Matt still had all of his clothes on - you needed some sort of distraction.

He chuckles, but doesn’t protest. It seems like he was too caught up in wanting to see you entirely naked to deny your silent request. Reaching his arms back, he tosses off his shirt, immediately positioning himself back where he belongs: between your legs. He looks up at you, locking eyes, as he bites down on the waist of your panties, slowly bringing them down your legs. The view made you even wetter than you already were, your heart pounding against your chest. Biting at your bottom lip, you watch with eager eyes as he throws the dainty fabric away. Wrapping his arms around your thighs, he leans down as he presses soft, teasing kisses along your inner thighs.

“Matt, please.” You whimper, impatience growing as torturous seconds pass by. Nipping at your skin, Matt’s eyes darken as he looks up at you. Chipped nails dig into the plush skin of your thighs, as if punishment for your words.

“Be patient.” Matt snaps, immediately shutting you up. The way he takes control of the situation made your body feel hot, needy for more of it. You’d never admit it, but you always thought that Matt was one to let someone else call the shots, or at least, not one to be so.. blunt about his orders. Maybe this was the only time he got to be in full control of something; it was always an argument when it came to Nick and Chris trying to figure out who was the ‘leader’, so maybe he liked having the authority. Either way, it turned you on immensely.

Letting out a quiet whine, you don’t say anything else as you let Matt take his time. As if savoring having you like this, he maps out your skin as he kisses it, saving it to memory. Inhaling your scent, he suddenly leans forward and presses a kiss to your clit. The action made your thighs tense as a surprised gasp leaves your lips. Matt hums before greedily diving back in, licking a wide strip along your pussy. Lapping up your wetness, Matt basks in the flavor as he tastes you.

His tongue doesn’t take a break as it eagerly flickers at your clit, before enveloping it in his mouth. Your hand flies to his hair as you pull, your eyes shutting tightly as your lips part, letting out heavy pants. How he knew how to use his mouth so well was beyond you. It was as if he knew everything you liked, hitting every spot that drove you fucking crazy. You loved the way he made you feel, hungrily licking at you. But you hated it all the same, hated the way you knew you were going to crave it more than you should.

Traveling down, Matt’s tongue prods at your entrance as he looks up at you. His blue eyes are darkened, the once lively irises now dim with lust. The eye contact he keeps with you only adds to your overwhelming arousal, needing him to do something about it. As if reading your mind, Matt pushes forward, his tongue invading your hole as your hand harshly tugs at his hair, a few involuntary sounds escaping your throat.

Jostling the warm muscle around, Matt savors your taste. It wasn’t like anything he’s tasted before, but he needed more of it. He couldn’t get enough of the way you melt on his tongue, all for his taking.

Pulling away slightly, he ignores your whimper as he sloppily kisses along your drenched clit. “You let her do this, too?” Matt mocks, mouth always attached to you, despite his lips moving. His words shock you, your body freezing at his condescending tone. He chuckles breathlessly at your reaction, licking another fat stripe along your center. “Answer me.” He spits, slapping his hand against your thigh.

“Yes! Y - Yes, I did.” You stammer a reply, squeezing your eyes shut as your body warms with humiliation. He was doing this on purpose, you knew that. And despite the embarrassment, you were feeling, the same sensation of arousal coats your pussy as Matt purposely teases you.

“Mhm.. ‘course you did.” Matt taunts, looking up at you as he reconnects his lips with your clit. Pulling on it, you cry out as your hand desperately tugs at his soft strands. He groans against you, the harsh pressure making the ache in his pants amplify. “Havin’ your two friends use you like some fuckin’ slut.” Matt degrades, leaning forward to spit on your pussy, adding more lubricant - as if it needed it. His words make you whine, a sense of shame engulfing you. His constant assault on your pussy distracts you from the feeling, the way his tongue moves against you bringing you closer and closer to the edge.

“You gonna cum f’me, sweetheart?” Matt hums, letting your thighs squish his head between them. If anything, he seemed to enjoy it. You nod quickly, moans leaving your lips as incoherent sounds try to answer him - though, there’s no use. “Mm.. beg for it.” He demands, harshly sucking on your clit as he suddenly thrusts a finger inside you. The intrusion makes you gasp as your thighs tremble, your free hand desperately grasping at the sheets underneath you.

“Please, Matt! Need it, need to c.. cum for you!” You plead pathetically, back arching off of the bed as he adds another digit inside you. Thrusting them at a fast pace, he curls them, somehow hitting that perfect spot inside you to elicit a sharp cry from you.

Matt pops off of your clit, just to give you the go ahead. “Cum, Y/N. Make a mess.” He provokes, enveloping your clit again as he quickly picks up the pace of both his tongue and fingers. At the added stimulation, your thighs shake as a loud moan escapes you, whining out his name. Matt helps ride out your euphoria, eagerly lapping at your release. Slowly pulling his fingers from you, Matt presses one more kiss to your sensitive clit before sitting up.

He towers over your limp frame, bringing his fingers up to lick off the residue of you off of him. He hums at the flavor he’s grown accustomed to. Hooking his hands in his sweatpants, he lets them drop as he kicks them away. Joining you back on the bed, blue eyes watch the way your bare chest heaves as your eyes fluttered back open from the movement on the mattress. “You still with me, baby?” Matt asks lowly, gently gliding his fingers along your legs, up to your waist.

Nodding, you try to regain your breath. “Mhm,” you hum, licking your dry lips as you look up at him. Your eyes can’t help but wander down his body, landing on the bulge in his tight red boxers. Biting your lip, your hand has a mind of its own as it drifts down, cupping the area. Matt grunts, lips parting as you rub your palm along him. You could feel the way he throbs with need, a small wet patch on the fabric from pre-cum that has seeped out.

“Shit, Y/N,” Matt hisses, moving to grip your wrist. “Need to fuck you, now.” He mumbles, leaning down as he roughly connects his lips to yours. Tongues mesh in a messy kiss as Matt tosses away his constricting boxers, wincing slightly at the way the cool air hits his hot, needy tip. His hand moves down as he grips himself, teasingly rubbing his tip along your wetness. The feeling makes you pull away from his lips, gasping at the sensation against your sensitive skin. Matt lets out a breathy groan as he swirls his head against your clit before finally moving down to your entrance.

Pushing forward, Matt slowly thrusts inside you. Wincing at the feeling, you hadn’t comprehended his size. “Aw, ‘s’it too big?” He mocks, pouting. His words make you whimper, your nails digging into his bare back. “You’re fine, baby. Taking all of me so fuckin’ good.” Matt breathes out, chest rising and falling progressively faster. As he pushes in deeper, he finally seats himself inside you, letting out a heavy breath. You whine, clawing at his back as you adjust to his size.

After a few moments, you nod, letting Matt move his hips. He does immediately, pulling back as he licks his lips, eager to fuck you into the mattress. He’s been waiting for this for as long as he can remember, and now he finally has you like this: needy and ready for him, ready to take all of him. It was truly a sight to behold.

As he picks up a rhythm, Matt’s hips start to gain speed as he ruts into you. His hands pick up your thighs as he wraps them around his waist, only seeming to bring you closer to him. The angle hits you the perfect way, making your body move with every push of Matt’s hips against yours. Your breasts bounce as you jolt against the bed, pleasured sounds filling the room as you moan. The harsh noise of his skin slapping against yours echoes through Matt’s bedroom, giving anyone that passes by an obvious sign of what was going on inside.

“You let Madison fuck you, huh?” Matt pants, his pace becoming rougher as times goes by. He lets the jealousy take over as he fucks you, harsh slaps of his hips against your skin marking you. He couldn’t help the way his envy took over his actions, wishing he was the only one that got to fuck you; that he was the only one that got to see you like this. Heavy exhales leave him as his forearms rest beside your head, every sound he makes embedding into your ears. “Answer me or you don’t fucking cum.” Matt threats lowly.

At his peril words, you quickly nod in response to his question. “Y.. Yes, Matt.” You whimper, words almost incomprehensible as you pant. Your nails scratch along his back, eliciting a hiss from the man above you. Matt groans as he rams into you, your approval to his previous question only making him go faster.

“Yeah?” He pants breathlessly, pushing his hips against you faster. “She fuck you better than me?” Matt asks lowly, looking down at you with hooded eyes. His chest heaves as his actions don’t relent, the headboard of his bed starting to slam back against his white walls. Your words become unintelligible, unable to respond to his question. Besides, if you were honest, you wouldn’t be able to choose.

Matt scoffs, his hand resting on the top of your head as he moves. “Fucked you dumb, huh? Such a cockslut.” He spits, his harsh words only bringing you closer to another orgasm. Matt, himself, could feel his stomach start to tighten, his impending release starting to graze against him. “Shit! Can feel you squeezin’ me so fuckin’ tight, baby.” He moans, digging his head into your neck. Biting down on the blank canvas, he unintentionally marks you as his pleasure starts to reach its peak. The hand that was on your head rushes down, quickly circling your clit, trying to bring you closer to your orgasm before he hits his.

“Need you to cum, Y/N. Now, c’mon.” Matt grunts, his words hurried as his thrusts start to grow sloppy. The added pressure against you makes you cry out, your back arching against his chest as you feel the knot inside your stomach break, releasing over his cock. Matt’s hips don’t stop, riding out your pleasure, but also reaching his. He groans loudly by your ear before he shudders, his cum shooting out as he presses himself closer to you - if that was even possible. The warmth of both of your bodies mingle, your chests heaving as you go limp against his soft mattress.

Matt leisurely pulls out of you, cooing as you wince slightly from the feeling, your pussy oversensitive. Blue eyes watch the way his cum leaks out of you, groaning slightly from the sight. His mind subconsciously memorizes the image, knowing he was going to get off to it another time.

Falling down beside you, the two of you lay there, still trying to catch your breath. Looking up at the ceiling, your mind goes into a frenzy. How did this even happen? Was Matt jealous? How did you get fucked by your two best friends?

What is happening?

-

Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to have them both over.

Your mind has been eating you alive these past couple days, more confused than ever. You spent that time trying to comprehend everything that had happened between you and Madison, as well as Matt. There was no way they had planned it, right? No, Matt seemed upset about what you and Madison had done together.

To say it was awkward was an understatement.

You, Madison and Matt sat on your couch, silence engulfing you as minutes passed. How were you supposed to bring this up? Oh, Madison, by the way, Matt fucked me the day after you did. How do we go about this? Yeah, okay.

“Uh,” you clear your throat, fixing your position on the soft cushions. Your friends snap their attention over to you from the sudden sound. They were just as nervous. Matt had obviously knew about what happened between you and Madison, but Madison has yet to know what went down between you and Matt. Though, she was suspicious as to why he was invited over. When she got your text asking her to stop by, Madison had immediately assumed it was about what had happened the other night. But when she pulled into your driveway and saw Matt’s car, her curiosity was piqued.

“I wanted to, um.. talk to you both.” You mumble, nervously fiddling with your fingers. Madison nods as she watches you intently. “Mads, the other day, after we..” you trail off, glancing from Matt back to the girl. Madison pouts her lips as she stays silent, nodding at your words. “Uh, Matt and I - ”

“You fucked her?” Madison exclaims, looking over at Matt. The man’s eyes widen at her, leaning back.

“Wha - you did first!” Matt rebuttals. Madison huffs, knowing it was true.

Watching the interaction, you let out a sigh. You hated how blank your mind was right now. All of the hundreds of questions you’ve had these past few days have suddenly disappeared, unable to part your lips and just ask.

“We’re gonna go talk really quick, okay?” Madison’s voice breaks you out of your daze. Looking over at her, you nod. She reciprocates it, pressing a sweet kiss to your head before walking over to the hallway as Matt follows behind her.

As they converse, you let out a breath as you lean back against your couch. Shutting your eyes, you try to calm your racing heart as you wait for them to come back. What if they leave you? This situation was so odd, what if they get too freaked out and decide to not talk to you anymore? Wiping your hand over your face, you try to stop your constant negative thoughts. It was just so hard to not be worried.

Once you hear footsteps start to make their way back into the living room, you instantly sit up and look over in that direction. Madison walks out first as Matt trails behind. Standing in front of you, Madison bites her bottom lip before glancing at Matt. “Say it.” She whispers.

Matt jumps slightly, sighing quietly. “Um.. we..” he trails off, the words he’s trying to find all a sudden nonexistent.

Madison cocks her head as she looks over at you. Licking her lips, she lets out a breath.

“We decided to share you.”

[kanmom51]

Smeraldo garden marching band - JM

Song and MV - My thoughts

Very long post ahead. Seeing that @andy-wm wrote such an amazing post already, I am sending whoever hasn't read it to go read and like it.

I agree with @andy-wm's thoughts and am going to use it as a base to mine, jot down a few points I would like to either add or emphasize. I could have reblogged, but I felt there was just too much I wanted to convey and better I do it in a separate post.

So let's get it.

Where where where do I start?

Maybe from the end, seeing that the song does seem to open and closes with the BTS reference.

I do agree the song is not JM singing his love to Army.

I've seen Army trying to twist and turn it around once again making it all about Army, JM telling us things he couldn't tell us before, the truth he couldn't before - that he loves army? Say what? Since when did he not tell Army he loved us? Since when was that a truth that had to be hidden? Nah. It's funny how people are getting the whole connection to the Smeraldo flower, the connection to The truth untold (will talk about that a little more later on), but are not willing to take that one extra step and see or admit what that thing JM telling us is.

There is a reason this song comes after Set me free Pt. 2!!

This is a different JM. One that decided to live his life as himself, flying away free like a butterfly.

And he connects the dots in the MV.

This is about something that was obviously hidden by him until now, something he is telling us now, a secret he is letting us in on, once he told "all the opps" to fuck off.

These lines here:

All the things we couldn't say before And your hidden feelings too I'll tell you everything now (Just for you) Don't you worry anymore Since we’re together now Let's be a little more honest (Let's go)

Clear as day.

This is about hidden feelings (and not necessarily hidden from the person he loves but from us, as we are the audience and it's time to tell us about it). Same btw with the honesty. Not that he hasn't been honest with that person he loves, but it's time to be honest with us, perhaps practice that same honesty that certain person has been trying to practice throughout 2023.

This is JM's time. JM's secret to tell.

So why, oh why the hell would it be about his love for Army and wanting to hold our flaming hands????? Please make it make sense.

Forget the fact that the lyrics are just not it. Nope. He might love army but he definitley doesn't want army, and spare me any reasoning, JM is a big boy and he KNOWS what it means when he says "I want you babe...", and it ain't him wanting Army. Nope. Nah. No way.

On top of that, by now we know that everything JM does is for a reason, and the 12 June in the lyrics is no different. This is about BTS, not Army, and the idea of the bookending, I love love love that one. This exactly:

That means the events happening in the song, happen within the context of Bangtan. Reading between the lines, the person he is singing to/about is within Bangtan.

Ah, and there is this too:

No special course in reading comprehension needed here.

Not a love song to army. If it wasn't clear from the lyrics then it's said here. A song JM wrote for army to help them express their feelings for a loved one when they are having issues doing so themselves (all part of the layering I will talk about later on).

I'll just say here that JM is the king of layering. One song and MV containing messages within messages.

One more thing about that ending frame from JM though.

When the curtains rise and the lights turn on Everyone is in their places Turn up the music I think we’re ready now Let's begin one, two Put your hands up

These lines.

As I was watching the MV for the first time reading those lines, this is what popped straight into mind (and speaking of popping, I will get to that too, that naughty cutie, sexy, lovely man of ours and his not so innocent innuendos - yes, I do think his mind was going there):

When do you feel your heart connected with another member ?

"...when my eyes naturally meet Jimin's and we high five..."

*Side note: not JK telling us his heart is connected with JM basically all the time...

I guess JK is talking about moments like that.

When I saw/heard those lines in JM's song it felt like the one JM was talking to in that moment wasn't all of the members, but that one person standing on that stage with him, that one person that he just said all his "I love you"s to.

Oh, and a little example of nothing being coincidental and fully thought out by JM:

Ok then.

Just as @andy-wm mentioned, JM gives us hints galore throughout the whole MV as to who that individual is he is speaking to, confessing his love to (again, all while also clearly talking to us letting us in on that secret that he was hiding until now).

We have him hinting to what it ain't.

That the person in question is not of the female variety. The potentially romantic moments are only with the male characters. That "yes sir" add-on.

Ooh, I love you babe I'll come closer to you I love you, babe (Yes, sir) Ooh, I want you, babe I wanna hold your hand I want you, babe

This is no mistake. This is not in the live version only. This is part of the actual lyrics. As is.

We have him giving us hints in the staging, the choreo, the set connecting with Serendipity.

The you are me I am you in the MV choreo

And prey tell, who took ownership of that one, eh?

We have the bubbles.

And specifically JM in a bubble.

Wait, what am I seeing there?

JM in a bubble with sunflowers?

Sun-flowers?

I guess we're in the business of recreating moments then.

Not quite enough, right?

So we have JM literally using Golden hour lighting in his MV. All while the sunflowers (you know, those that grow towards the sun, and usually don't tend to open up and flourish as the sun is going down) are blooming.

Oh, and who are they directed towards if not the recipient of JM's confession? You know, the sun part of the sun and moon duo. Get with it people. You should be reciting this off by heart by now.

Oh, @andy-wm you asked and I will reply. You are not crazy AT ALL. I will say it one more time and clearly:

The sunflowers, that represent the sun as in themselves, are blooming facing towards the camera, in the direction of JM's love confession, all while doing so when the sun is actually supposedly setting, it being Golden hour.

And if it's Golden hour we are talking about, how can we forget this?

Just JK telling us JM is the love of his life during Golden Hour .

See full clip here:

And now we have JM doing just the same.

Who would have thought?

So, basically the flowers are blooming facing (because of) the individual that JM is confessing his love to - you know, the sun to his moon.

Same moon that was doing this:

Every night You spin me up high The moon with you in its arms Let me have a taste Give me a good ride (Oh, I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin') It's gon' be a good night (Oh, I'm fallin') Forever you and I

And if we are already drawing the lines between SGMB and Like crazy, then how about this perhaps connecting line:

We know how personal Face was to JM. We know that every single song is him through and through. We know Like crazy is about him struggling during the pandemic.

We saw his breakdown during the MOTS ONE live streamed concert.

This was October 2020, around 6 months into the pandemic. The uncertainty. This is their first performance and from there until Muster another 9 months go by. We know from Festa 2022 that the pandemic screwed up all of their plans. the uncertainty, working on and releasing Be and then Butter and PTD everything leading up to the PTD online concert, a year after MOTS ON:E. For those that performing is their life, standing in front of an audience and giving it their all, it's a hard pill to swallow. The unknown, if they will ever get back to perform on stage in front of a live audience, when this is who they are, their essence, it can be unbearable. JM wasn't the only performer to go through this. It's just that he shared this with us.

And JK was there by his side.

And all he wanted was to make it better.

Just like he did during the concert itself.

So yeah, I do believe it's JK referenced in that song.

And Yeah, like everything JM does, this song too, and it's MV, are layered.

And SMF pt. 2 is him breaking free, flying away like a butterfly and moving on to SGMB. Now he can say what he feels out loud for EVERYONE TO HEAR. And he's telling that someone that was worried about him, that one that stood by JM's side and perhaps JM felt like he was trying to save him, that it's ok, there is nothing to worry about anymore. And unlike in Like crazy, where JM doesn't want to be woken up from that dream, and he is fighting that person that wants to save him, at this point he's eager to wake up and live each day a new with that person he loves blossoming by his side.

Same person he wrote the Letter to?

Yep. Same person.

I do believe that they are all one. Same person by his side in Like crazy, giving him a good ride, in his arms, trying to save JM. Same person he wrote his love letter to. And same person he's telling that he loves in SGMB.

And then there are these lines to consider:

All the things we couldn't say before And your hidden feelings too

Is JM confessing to that person, to us and for that person too? Telling us the feelings are mutual. Hidden until now, from us, and now out in the open.

And yes, although SGMB is JM confessing his love to that person (cough JK cough), he's already done that in a song, right? So what now?

Layering peeps.

JM is telling that person, but more so, I do believe, telling us.

Remember how Letter was hidden? Yes, we got to hear it, but it was hidden on JM's album. Like a secret that isn't to be shared with everyone. Like something that needs to be hidden. And here comes the layering again - it's hidden cause it's a private letter to the one he loves, but also hidden because it's something that cannot be revealed publicly, because he's an idol and 'not allowed' to have such a personal relationship and because the relationship itself is 'not allowed', being with another man.

And now we have SGMB. Not only is the song not hidden away, but it's out there in the open. Loud and proud. The first single released from Muse. How louder or more public can it get than that?

Ok, so feels like a good place to talk about the song's choice of name and its lyrics for a sec.

Much has been said already about the Smeraldo flower, it's meaning and The Truth Untold.

And now we have this:

"The longing to confess and find love on behalf of those unable to articulate their feelings..."

Let's talk about this sentence for a second.

One of the things we get from the MV is cupid or matchmaker JM. Not only is he telling his person how he feels, he is also helping those around him express their love. So, as usual we have a layered message, oh so like JM to do in his well thought out messages. JM 'confessing' to his love, but also to us about his love (first 2 layers) and another layer of JM helping us, his audience, to express our feelings to whomever we wish to and are struggling to do so. Oh and another layer to it all is the one surrounding all three, the one that connects to the Smeraldo flower and it's part in The Truth Untold - that part of allowing to show your true colours, your true feeling, and not be rejected for them, not necessarily by the person you love, but by those that surround you and will not accept your true self or your love for each other.

The connecting lines between the two songs.

And we know who this song meant so much to as well.

"But I still want you"...

So most definitley not a coincidence JM choosing the Smeraldo flower nor calling his band The Smeraldo Garden Marching Band, having them be the ones to deliver this oh so loud and proud message to us all.

One last thing before I leave you for now.

Let's talk for a sec about the new JM dance challenge?

We got cutie sexy lovely JM in this one.

And again, thanks @andy-wm for your lovely post.

Once again, if it wasn't clear already, the one he's paired up with is Loco, sitting there on the sofa, not even dancing with him, just there all googly eyed at JM, struggling to keep a straight face. And the end, omg, that end.

No Loco. That performance was not for you. And fyi, there is only one person JM is accepting flowers from ...

You know...

That one and the same person he was rushing home to pack for their trip to Japan the next day.

Same person he chose to enlist together with less than a month later.

[creativity-deficient]

Anywayssss I genuinely think this is one of the most important creek scenes we have so far and I don’t see a lot of people talk about it so let’s get into it

So it all goes back to this scene-

I know it’s generally agreed upon amongst the fandom that Tweek and Craig were only fake dating/doing it for the town at first, but at some point their relationship became real, and it’s easy to see why, I mean, it is left pretty vague in all fairness.

I, however though, don’t believe this to be the case? Like YES, the town shipping them together is absolutely what brought them together in the first place, and they did not seem to have any interest towards each other before that, that’s indisputable. HOWEVER I don’t think that necessarily means their relationship was “fake” either. I do think it took time and work to get to where they are now, but I also think that the whole situation, as crazy as it was, not only helped them both to be more open and honest with themselves about their sexualities, but also in the end, DID genuinely bring them closer together.

One thing I have always found super interesting about Tweek in this episode (and this could just be me) is that unlike Craig, he doesn’t seem to struggle as much with accepting his sexuality but rather, how he will be perceived because of it. His first thought when finding out about all the yaoi art is “what if my parents find out?” He’s afraid and anxious of what others will THINK of him if they know.

But in this scene, it’s clear that he’s no longer afraid, and I feel what he says to Craig here sums it up pretty well-

“I’m so sorry Craig, you made me believe in myself in a way I never have before. I didn’t think it had any of that in me but, you were right! I can do more than I think. You CHANGED something in me and I want to fix whatever’s hurting you now.”

It’s because of CRAIG that he now has this newfound confidence, and I truly believe it changed his perspective of him. Obviously I don’t think he full on fell in love with Craig right there and then, but I DO think that Craig being the first person to ever really make him believe in himself has made him start to see him in a different light, acting as the catalyst for what was about to come (in more ways than one, but that’s another rant)

It’s no secret that Tweek lives a pretty tough life. He’s abused, neglected, and no one really takes him seriously

But Craig?

Craig is the first person who has actually made feel Tweek SEEN. Like he’s MORE than what others, including himself, think that he is

It’s such a brief scene, but I feel like it says SO much, because even just being there, sitting together on the couch and being able to talk about WHATEVER without feeling like he’s going to be judged because of it is probably WAY more than anyone else has ever done for him

And you can tell it means the world to him

[fryday]

RE: Phil being quiet and Dan making the innuendos and winks, I actually think the opposite.

Phil said in his coming out video that he had been out and comfortable with himself for years and would have preferred to do a short video just talking from inside an actual closet lol

My interpretation is that he would have been ready and comfortable to be out as a couple this whole time but since Dan wasn't (isn't?), he deferred to Dan's comfort level. He let's Dan make the jokes because he gets to set the boundary.

I think the comment about doors was like, an agreed upon message. Almost like a press release statement lol I think they talked about it and decided that was the messaging. Especially since they referred to it in the mukbang 2 video.

Anyway that's just my interpretation. Hope that makes sense. I love scrolling through your theories! I'm the same age as Dan and I've been a phan since 2010 so it's nice to see the phantom come back more mature and kind that it was before.

(x) sorry for taking so long to respond to this! i think that is a really good interpretation of it, yes! one which i hadn't thought about at all

a counter-proposal re: how phil would've been happy with them being out as a couple long before, would be that phil is generally quite a private person and the stuff he shares with us on amazingphil, when he's acting purely on his own instinct and isn't interacting with/playing off of dan, is anecdotal but not necessarily revealing about himself as a person or his life. and i feel like he's quite professional in that way, that he shares what's pertinent to him doing his job well ie comedic stories, but doesn't go beyond that.

we also know that for the longest time he didn't actually feel the need to talk about his sexuality online at all because, as you said, he had already been out to some people in his life for a while by then and (a) thought that he was happy the way things were and (b) didn't really think it was a big thing that needed to be addressed on his public platform. but we know from COTY that part of why he was making it was so it could help people who might need it, and we know from his opinions in hindsight that actually coming out online DID make a difference in how free he felt after all. but perhaps, his relationship with dan was not something that could HELP people in any obvious way, and at that point it might have seemed irrelevant to him anyway from a freedom of expression standpoint because dan was hardly online/was hardly going to be online with him anyway. so he might not have felt the need even then to be transparent about them as a couple.

tl;dr - to me, phil comes across as a generally private person even if we're not talking about his relationship with dan, so he MIGHT not have found it relevant for them to be out as a couple before anyway.

but that's all speculation to do with the past! as things are now, if they actually have agreed to hard launch and are leading up to it, i totally see your POV and am inclined to agree with it! it seems to fit with what we know of them as people and as a pair, that phil would allow dan to set and push the limit as he's comfortable with it, because phil is the one who would be more chill/indifferent about it/what they share about it either way.

that was all just me thinking out loud though!! i don't have the answers, obviously, and i haven't kept up with dnp as closely in recent years as a lot of others around here have, so i'm def open to hearing other opinions :)

(also thank you! i love talking to people about their theories too. it's always v insightful and interesting! and i agree that the golden era of dnp and the phandom is now; overall i feel like there's a lot more to learn and gain from the experience of being here now vs before!)

[charmac]

curious - do you think rcg may have had any notion that they may seriously explore the possibility of mac being gay in s6 era? s5 functionally lays the majority of groundwork for the subtext that they evolved into canonical text and s6 opens with mac fights gay marriage and imo mac is pretty heavily gay coded throughout that season. however, s7 totally makes me believe they hadn’t really considered it, because mac’s gay subtext is almost completely nonexistent, bar the flashback from s6 in 7x10. he is overtly “straight” that season. clearly by s8 it’s fully canon and one of the most logical next steps they could’ve taken with his character in retrospect, but i have always wondered if many of the choices in s6 wrt mac’s sexuality becoming increasingly more ambiguous were deliberate and i’m curious about your perspective.

I do 100%! I've definitely spoken about this before... I'm not sure if it was here or a Discord or maybe even an in-person conversation, but I've always thought it was so insane how they tell you Mac and Dennis Break Up is romantic in some sense. They are realising that their codependency is more than some "bromance" and it spooks them (obviously, really more-so Dennis).

I think acknowledging it on TASP isn't a surprise, but the fact that it's stated in the DVD commentary, before they even filmed S6, makes it clear that this was intentional foundation they intended to work off of. When Dee shatters the glass closet by stating Dennis' codependency with Mac is viewed as an "old married couple" situation, it fucks Dennis up way more than Mac, because Mac is unable to recognise the queerness of their relationship while Dennis can.

Once they make up, they've established something in the writers room going forward for Mac & Dennis that they clearly want to keep a part of their dynamic (again, as reaffirmed on the MADBU TASP episode): they are gay for each other. But they're not going to (mutually) recognise or accept it, because that ruins the joke.

So, in my opinion, they go into Season 6 really digging into that dynamic and playing on the joke by pushing against it: Dennis recognises the issue of being into Mac internally so he needs a wife; Mac recognises the issue of being gay externally so he needs to fight the gays. No doubt in my mind that throughout S6 they were writing and acting with this idea - though probably with no firm idea of where they wanted it to end up.

So we get to Season 7, and your point is the reason why Season 7 is one of my least favourite Seasons as a coherent part of Sunny (keeping in mind the flashbacks in How Mac Got Fat are just a scrapped S6 episode, reworked) - it seems to ignore a lot of the build up in order to make funny stand-alone episodes of the show. Was it because of Fat Mac? (Only one identity at a time for Mac, pls!) Is it because they had a chunk of guest writers? Is it because they thought there was a large chance it was the final season of the show? (They've talked about how when they shot the final scene for S7 (HS Reunion) it was under the idea that they might not get renewed)

Probably only RCG truly know (and maybe they don't even remember). As for me, while I don't think it was necessarily deliberate, like they sat down and said "actually lets roll back the gay [Mac] stuff here..." my idea is that going into S7 they hadn't yet figured out (or couldn't agree) if/how they wanted to make Mac's homosexuality crystal clear.

Maybe they dropped it for a season before deciding... or maybe this downtime served a purpose, because the reveals on Sunny serve one main goal: Subvert expectations.

Going from S5/6 to 8 is very obvious. That is a closeted gay guy. BUT when you have S7 cut in there in the middle, this working-season where they kind of play hard into Mac's aggressive temper and his stupidity and the fact that he's a voyeur, it's a little less-so. You're hit with Season 8 and that attempted kiss kind of comes out of nowhere and then every episode following has some kind of Mac is GAY moment and it's just extremely funny... Like, oh holy shit he's gay and he can't even recognise it.

But that gap does kinda throw you off like, was this a decision once they got renewed going forward that they needed one of them to be obviously gay based on their history? I really don’t think so, the foundation seems too intentional and the evidence we have that RCG acknowledged the character’s queerness (of all them) back then is enough to have me firmly believe the S6 stuff was just further groundwork for Mac’s character and his and Dennis’ opposing relationship

[maidstew]

lily, please elaborate on your clemmie and lyssie post 😔🙏🏽

i know i did this to myself but i’m actually nervous to write this out because i don’t think anyone is going to agree with me but here i go!

before i start- i do want to clarify that i love both characters and this is in no way me hating on clemmie or implying that lysistrata is perfect! clemmie is miles ahead in terms of being caring versus her peers.

however, i do not see clemensia as a truly good, kind person. (again, this is all my personal interpretation and i could be way off!)

a few things stick out to me about clemensia that make me feel this way (pre-snake bite, obviously! def unfair to hold post snake-bite against her).

the first example is when they are discussing how to force people to watch the games.

clemensia says-

“The real problem is, it’s sickening to watch”

lysistrata says-

“Most of us don’t want to watch other people suffer.”

to me, i see this as lysistrata acknowledging and putting focus on the children suffering- where clemmie focuses mainly on how it makes her feel to watch.

clemensia also talks about her first meeting with reaper-

“Mine wouldn’t speak. Not a word”

not horrible by any means- but it still feels lacking in empathy (and not great that she referred to reaper as ‘hers’).

another example that comes to mind is when clemmie and coriolanus are discussing the games after arachne death and she says this-

“Yes, or make them Avoxes, or something,” said Clemensia. “It’s awful, but not as bad as the arena. I mean, I’d rather be alive without a tongue than dead, wouldn’t you?”

this isn’t a bad thing necessarily! but to me, i see it as misguided and failing to actually put herself in the shoes of these children and sort of failing to have genuine empathy.

another example is regarding iphigenia-

“Clemensia had once told Coriolanus it was the only revenge she could take on her father, but refused to give any more details.”

again, miles ahead of most of her peers because she refused to elaborate further but i believe that exposing that to coriolanus at all was a deeply unkind thing to do.

and then here are some examples where i see lysistrata displaying kindness (though i’m aware that it may be unfair to bring up things lysistrata did during the games bc clem didn’t get the same chance to bond with reaper!)

she makes the effort to help jessup even before he protects her in the bombing-

she’d apparently been working hard to connect with Jessup “I brought you some cream for your neck,”

she is grateful to jessup after he protects her instead of just assuming that her life is worth more. she’s also willing to speak out and tell everyone this despite knowing how people view district citizens.

“She’s going around saying that big, ugly boy from District Twelve protected her by throwing his body over her, but who knows? The Vickers family loves the spotlight.”

it’s also worth noting that coriolanus follows this up by saying he’s never seen a vickers trying to claim the spotlight.

she also says this-

“And who wouldn’t rather be the victor than the defeated?”

“I don’t know that I have much interest in being either,” said Lysistrata.”

which i think is very decent considering she lived through the war just as much as her classmates.

she displays empathy and understanding for dill & reaper when her classmates do not-

“Isn’t he the one who promised to kill all the others?” asked Pup.

“Doesn’t look so tough to me,” said Urban.”

“She’s his district partner,” said Lysistrata. “And she’s almost dead now. Tuberculosis, probably.”

she’s also quick to call out her classmates during the games-

“Like musical chairs,” said Domitia with a pleased look.

“But with people dying,” said Lysistrata.”

when jessup has rabies and is chasing lucy gray-

“If Jessup can’t win, I want Lucy Gray to. That’s what he’d want. And she can’t win if he kills her,” she said. “Which might happen anyway.”

to me, this shows that she has been able to empathize and understand who jessup is as a person.

also while other classmates display anger or frustration at losing the prize she says this-

“Coriolanus could barely hear Lysistrata whisper, “Oh, don’t let him die alone.”

because she cares about jessup. she also sends food to lucy gray directly after that.

and of course there’s this interaction which i think speaks for itself-

“I do.” She took a deep breath. “What I’d like people to know about Jessup is that he was a good person. He threw his body over mine to protect me when the bombs started going off in the arena. It wasn’t even conscious. He did it reflexively. That’s who he was at heart. A protector. I don’t think he would’ve ever won the Games, because he’d have died trying to protect Lucy Gray.”

“Oh, like a dog or something.” Lepidus nodded. “A really good one.”

“No, not like a dog. Like a human being,” said Lysistrata.”

but the fact that she firmly and openly asserted his humanity in front of the entire capitol essentially is massive to me.

and of course there’s the fact that she had been nice to sejanus-

“Snow had invited Festus and Lysistrata to join the party, as they’d liked Sejanus better than most of his classmates and could be counted on to say nice things.”

of course this is all rambling that doesn’t actually answer the question but i feel like it was important to try to explain why i saw them as slightly different.

essentially i think my thoughts on kind vs nice can be summed up by this quote-

Niceness, then, is often expressed through words or gestures, while kindness is often expressed through acts.

and lysistrata proved repeatedly that she is willing to act by speaking up consistently despite how taboo it is in the capitol. whereas i don’t view clemensia as someone who would be as willing to directly assert a district citizens humanity so publicly (again, my own personal interpretation.).

because of this- i believe lysistrata is a lot more likely to get herself in trouble quicker by opening her mouth and sticking up for the district citizens, especially after this experience. whereas i do not think clemensia would be as likely to risk her safety to do so.

[jcs-singular-slut-strand]

Xicheng?

I must admit I'm not a Xich*ng enjoyer 😬

I can see the appeal and i get why people ship them, but imo the reasons for shipping them are a bit meh

It feels very Wei Wuxian centred, Wei Wuxian got a Lan brother so now Jiang Cheng gets one too. I feel like some people water down Jiang Cheng's personality in order for him to "fit" with lan xichen

Whenever i have read fics of Xich*ng it's always felt weird to me because I just feel like it's all about Lan Xichen "solving" Jiang Cheng's personality "problems" or taming him in a way. And I don't fuck with that. There also isn't really any canon interactions to build on so it's all mainly fanon and filled with people's headcanons, which I don't always necessarily agree with

Obviously it's all good if other people ship it, it's none of my business and policing who ships what is weird, it's just not for me :)

They would look good together though

And here's the blank bingo sheet

[andypantsx3]

Ok Andy this had been on my mind for a while now and I really want to hear your thoughts on this!

So we all know that Shouto is pure husband material, the kinda guy you'd be proud to introduce to your parents! But yk all those years of abuse and trauma (our poor bby ;-;) would definitely take a big toll on anyone, right?! So I was reminiscing about the earlier episodes where he is all closed off and cold to everyone, and that really got me thinking... what would dating Shouto REALLY be like.

How much of his behavior in a relationship really be affected by his past? Obviously nobody is perfect and even though our princess man comes close what do you think his shortcomings are as a person/partner? What do you think his toxic traits would be? What could be some of his bad habits? How would he react during an argument? I used to hc that he would be really calm and passive but then I remembered this scene

Ofc us being his partner would change things, but he DOES lash out at times. The police officer hadn't yelled at them, he was just explaining what they did was wrong according to the law (which could be unfair but thats his job) and he straight up called him a slur 💀 (well yk in this society where so many ppl have animal related quirks it probably is a slur? Idk tho). He was sorry later but still. I was so shocked when I internalized the fact that Shouto does infact have quite a temper, even when he's not rude/ aggressive about it. It doesn't make him bad or anything because 9/10 times it's well warranted and I am just a pussy who doesn't handle other's anger well but yk...

WHO WOULD EXPECT A TEMPER FROM THIS LIL FACE?!

I am really wanna take his character and study him under a microscope and I am really interested to see your pov on this. Also don't feel inclined to agree with anything I said if you dont, I asked you precisely cuz I wanted a different way of looking at him from mine.

Btw none of this is to paint him as a bad person or partner because of a few shortcomings or his trauma. We all know he's too precious for that and that would be hypocritical of me especially since I have many of my habits and unhealthy ways of dealing with stuff that I dislike, but I also feel like he has so much angst potential in issues that aren't necessarily rooted in his family but moreso his own personality. Healing is often a "one step forward and three step back journey" and while I hate to watch him struggle, his perseverance gives me a lot of strength. Also obviously people change over the course of time and character development and all that, but we see even after the MASSIVE amounts of character development Bakugo has he still retains a lot of his previous qualities and obviously still struggles with a few things. I wonder if it's similar for Shouto. I wonder what he struggles with 🤔 (idk why I am scared but I don't want ppl to take these dumb sleepy thoughts of mine the wrong way yk lol)

I support my mans rights, his wrongs and everything in between :>

(p.s. I am so sleepy rn I don't even know if any of this is coherent cuz the points are flying all over the place but I hope you get a gist of what I am trying to ask. I love myself some sweet angst when it comes to all my blorbos but when I think of Shouto nothing obvious comes to mind. Also whenever I write even an ask or question like this my respect for writers keeps increasing tenfold! How do you guys write fics at like 4 am and it's still a masterpiece and I can barely string my thoughts together... )

Yes!!! I have so many thoughts about this, particularly as someone who also has daddy issues and a hot temper but actively works to be better as well lol.

I do think for the most part we've really seen Shouto move past who he was in those earlier episodes. That is not to say he still doesn't have those feelings, but he arguably manages them in a more regulated way. He has the temper but now he also has the tools and the perspective to better articulate himself.

I think generally Shouto would work hard to be calm and patient during an argument, but as with any human being, mistakes will be made and tempers will spike. I think during particularly bad arguments he'd get more closed off, like in those earlier episodes, would try to go off by himself so that he doesn't explode with that white-hot rage.

I do think, thankfully, that Shouto's ability to show empathy and compassion even in the middle of what we know are the most emotionally trying times of his life (the fights with Dabi), bodes well for his future ability to communicate and regulate himself on the whole. I do not see him as the kind of man who would yell or break things; I see him as the kind of man who now does everything in his power not to be like that.

And also with a face like that, would we not just let him win any argument anyway?? LOL

[warrenwaskilledbyadeer]

Okayyy get ready because the time has come and we are doing this (disclaimer: these are just my personal views and I'm not trying to convince anybody to agree with me, this is just me listing which characters I think are aroacespec and why)

Amnesia aroacespec headcanons in order of least to most controversial

#4 - Henri Clement

Henri being aromantic just makes sense to me. Romance doesn't ever come up in his story, it's all about him and his best friend! An incident with a barmaid is mentioned, though unspecified, so I just don't really know what that's about??? But also the Bunker was released just around the same time as the first-ever international aromantic day of visibility, sooo... Also I don't know if he's also ace, but personally I think he probably is, he's at least the one on this list who in my opinion is the closest to being fully aroace (like me :D)

#3 - Justine Florbelle

Now I know we've already jumped to a ridiculously controversial character here, so you know the last two are really gonna be a doozy haha, but ANYway, Justine obviously loves having people be attracted to her, but she herself never experiences any attraction to any of her Suitors. She just loves to feel loved and feel "beautiful," but she doesn't love any of them in return. I don't know about her being ace honestly, I considered sex positive ace for her but maybe she does feel the sexual attraction but not the romantic? Definitely romance favorable aro, but I'm interested in other people's opinions on the sexual attraction part of it. But last but not least, let's address the elephant in the room- Clarice. I personally believe that Justine and Clarice are in an alterous relationship. It's not necessarily romantic but it's not necessarily platonic, it just is what it is between them and what's important to them is that they love each other, not exactly what kind of love that is. That's my take

#2 - Alexander von Brennenburg

Ohhh yeah here's where I'm really gonna lose people, but I'm gonna be totally honest... I don't understand why everyone in the fandom sees Alexander as a slut??? I don't see that in him in the game at all, he's CLEARLY wholly devoted to his love (who I personally believe to be Temaku based on a note in Rebirth). Everything Alexander does, spending hundreds of years just to open this portal, is all just to be with his love again. So why would he be sleeping around and falling in love with Agrippa, Weyer, Daniel, or ANYone? I don't get the fandom interpretation of Alexander being a whore or polyamorous, I think in the game he's monogamous to a disturbing and unhealthy degree and it's part of what makes his character... who he is. So in my eyes, Alexander is demigay (I do understand the take that Alexander seduced Daniel to manipulate him without actually being in love with Daniel, but not Alexander falling in love with him for real)

Last but not least...

#1 - Daniel

Cue the screaming

Look. LOOK. Okay. Every single protagonist, even the two others I've mentioned here, have mention of sex and/or romance in their personal stories. Justine, obviously, Oswald, ALL THE TIME, Tasi, had a husband and children, Henri, incident with the barmaid, but Daniel.... nothing. Zip. Zilch. Zero. Nada. It never comes up, and to me that's because he's not ever.. thinking about it. It's not something that's on his mind because it's not something that he feels or desires. He just really likes archeology and history and his sister and that's all :)

That being said...

I do think Daniel is not 100% aroace. I see him more in the gray or demi area, but it's very very very rare for him. Case in point, I do think he had a bit of a crush on Alexander, but I think that was his first crush so he didn't recognize what those feelings were or why he was feeling them. I think Alexander could tell that Daniel had a crush on him though, and thought it was cute and funny but also used it to his advantage (though not by outright seducing him since Daniel didn't know he had a crush). So Daniel in my head is also demigay, or graygay, but most of the time is pretty much aroace

Plus honorable mention - Tihana!! I think it fits with what little we hear about her backstory

Those are my thoughts and feelings I've been sitting on for a year because I'm tired of people bashing aroace headcanons, but that's been happening less and less the last couple years and I've been going through a lot so I think I deserve to indulge myself a little

Also just a reminder that I'm not claiming these to be canon or trying to convince anybody to see things my way! This is just what I think and why :))

[pagodazz]

how do u think vinnie would react to habits true form. methinks it would conceptualize a lot of his quirks for him like of fucking course the guy who snarls and growls is. dog

I'VE ACTUALLY THOUGHT ABOUT THIS ALOT!! I don't know if I can actually expect people to agree with this but yk.. whatever😞‼️

this song is them to me btw.. yeah. Vinnie pov obviously

I CANNOT answer for habit as much as I can for Vinnie's pov of it all

This is probably in the candleverse/ somewhere that habit can just show his true form and I think at first Vinnie would be scared, but not necessarily because of what HABIT looks like but by the idea that HABIT is gonna eat him alive HEELPP. Though once Vinnie were to realize HABIT isn't gonna devour him he'd probably geek out or something, I mean this is a real thing he can touch and that other humans probably barely get to see and live to talk about it. And CANONICALLY!! Vinnie LOVES dogs. Vinnie would not really be a fan of all the spider legs but he would put up with them for sure. He would probably wanna take like thousands of pictures and videos (although it's probably impossible to capture habits true form on film just like most other entities) and Habit would thrive off the attention.

Vinnie would be looking at that true form and he probably just kinda forget it's HABIT for a moment and his brain goes full on "I need to feel the fur rn" and like any (in)sane person would do he would just pet him, NOW... It's a good 50/50 chance habit might bite one of his hands clean off but it's worth the risk. He would probably be embarrassed and back off pretty quickly when he remembers that he probably shouldn't just be reaching out to pet habit like he's some domesticated dog. But idk part of me feels like habit would encourage it?? he IS rather affectionate with Vinnie, I don't know if he'd really mind.

I feel like Vinnie is actually pretty thrilled to be seeing habit's true form, I mean being allowed to see something so powerful and elegant??? Vinnie can't help but feel special. (which is what habit wants, habit wants Vinnie to wanna worship him basically so he can get vinnie to make the Northstar/ just so he can get some company) and since he feels special he can't bring himself to hate anything that's going on.

now, he does obviously find habit to be unsettling (albeit beautiful) but he doesn't find habit to be a threat to him, Vinnie is very convinced that him and habit have a bond and that Habit would not kill him, atleast not with his own hands. Which this is proven in canon over and over again, vinnie finds safety and solace in habits company. Vinnie probably finds habit's true form to be stunning, especially since habit can still talk to him which is what reminds him that it's real.

Habit however has never had a person react the way Vinnie has to him EVER. he's always ready for screams of terror and people trying to get away and fight and kill him but Vinnie's first instinct is to get CLOSER and to ask just a shit ton of questions. And to be fair I honestly think Habit would snarl or growl at first until he remembers that it's better for his plan to just let Vinnie do whatever he wants. Obviously I think habit would joke with him and act like he's gonna kill him but not actually do anything because he likes to watch Vinnie's reaction which range from him getting pissed at habit, laughing, freaking out, or literally no reaction at all. All of which habit likes pretty much equally.

Imagine Vinnie just being like "WOAH. HOLY SHIT. UR A WOLF?#!$!$ YOU HAVE SPIDER LEGS??*?$! YOU HAVE TWO TAILS?$!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS BEFORE!!!!!!!!!!" and habit just thinks it's so funny and kind of charming that Vinnie even cares.

[bumblingbabooshka]

hi it's me coming back with my bi-monthly little guy bullshit. rewatched meld with the besties for the yaoi of it all and was sitting there like there's something really funny (negative to neutral connotation) about (some) of the other maquis members being interviewed about suder in the ep & b'elanna being like "yeah he was just some guy ig we all did what we had to do lol" and chakotay being like "he was a fucking freak animal. unsettling little thing" . MEAN TO HIM?

I don't perceive Chakotay as being unfairly cruel in his talking about Suder? Chakotay isn't a violent person and though being in the Maquis required violence he didn't relish in it so he viewed Suder's (admitted) bloodlust to be disturbing. To Chakotay, fighting and killing was necessary but not something he wanted to do - very different from Suder who seems to not really care about the Maquis' mission (He only references the Maquis to call Tuvok a traitor and say he doesn't like Starfleet, giving me the impression that he joined just to be in an environment where violence could be used without it standing out rather than actually caring about the Maquis' mission). If anything Chakotay is demonstrating an interesting perceptiveness and willingness to extend olive branches to those he doesn't necessarily like/agree with in this moment. B'Elanna seems to have noticed (or been told of) Suder's penchant for violence, saying "He did what he had to do a little too well." but Chakotay has obviously had multiple personal moments with Suder where he encountered Suder's bloodlust firsthand. He states that these encounters (multiple) scared him and made him think of Suder as a potentially dangerous individual. Despite this, he still neglects to put this on Suder's record because he doesn't want to cause unnecessary hardship for Suder or any member of his crew which he already knows will likely be looked down on and distrusted by the Starfleet members of Voyager as "a bunch of criminals". It could be argued that his encounters with Suder constitute more than a "bad feeling" as it seems he saw evidence of the man being excessively violent and felt threatened himself but Chakotay still hesitates to label Suder as a bad or dangerous person in his crew evaluations. That's interesting! I don't feel that's something any other character on VOY would have done! It also feeds into something I wish was highlighted more about Chakotay which is his willingness to give people who he doesn't like or agree with second chances. He seems like he'd be the most able on the command team to sympathize with people who others dismiss as lost causes or 'bad' and I wonder if part of that comes from his father who never gave up on him even when Chakotay continually pushed him away. It reminds me of how he was willing to lay down his life for that Kazon kid even though he was rude and tried to kill him and Chakotay obviously didn't agree with his values - and that doesn't mean Chakotay is a pushover or naive, just willing to give people chances. Even his friendship with Janeway is something that's only possible because he's willing to listen to others and try to see things from their point of view. Janeway is able to do this to a Starfleet extent but you can bet that if she, say, ended up on a Maquis ship - she wouldn't be integrating herself into that crew's way of thinking. She'd be trying to get them onto her side because she's a person who thinks (sometimes implicitly) that she is Correct. She's much more 'aggressive' or black-and-white in her morality than Chakotay. Which again doesn't mean that Chakotay doesn't stand for anything or is wholly passive (he does and isn't, as we see in episodes like Maneuvers) but that he's just more open-minded and not as certain that he has all the answers. Anyway! I hope this was a good response. I'm sorry if you were making a joke and I responded too earnestly to it - that happens sometimes v_v

[westwindy1]

Hi I’m the one who sent you that last anon, and I have to hard agree with you about Jack’s usual characterization. Especially in regards to shipping… I guess it’s kind of hard to gauge what he’d be like in a relationship considering he doesn’t seem to feel that way about anyone in rotg, but people in my experience either turn him into someone super raunchy and suave or into some coy seductress and neither of them fit in my eyes. It’s hard being a canon Jack fan out here. What do you see him being like in a relationship/having feelings for someone?

Hi anon, welcome back!

In terms of Jack feelings, we don't see him freak out in a lot of social situations, he more just acts than says and doesn't actually tend to freak out very often besides when we see Sandy die.

The way it comes off, he's kind of used to being the one to cause problems. We don't really see him being uneasy or hesitant before he's about to do something insane. However, even then, instead of actively just curating situations where he can cause issues, we see him glide into already chaotic or primed environments and he only picks up and adds to them when the opportunity presents itself.

Jack freezes an elf in the pole but only because it was in his path, he teases Bunny on the sled only because he saw Bunny wigging out and it was a convenient joke, with Jaime he doesn't send Jaime on the sleigh ride until they are in the snowball fight and it's while the kids are trying to flee from Cupcake, so it was more just right timing than anything. He doesn't cause Abby to get mad at Bunny, but he does goad Bunny when the opportunity arises and he really gets a laugh out of all the trouble that comes after.

Because of this, and it's really hard to put into words for me, but for Jack's personality I see him as more of the type to kind of fall into a relationship than being an initiator or someone who actively pushes for it; less putting the circumstance and feelings into words and more silently just picking up on it as he processes what's happening and responding within that environment. (I think Tooth would love this, w her fangirlness I think she'd figure Jack out pretty quick. Jack isn't shy about showing when he doesn't like something- rejecting guardianship, posturing with Bunny- seeing that, it's easier to trust when he responds/processes any sort of positive advance, and so I think becuase of that i think she'd be very happy)

Any time we actually do see Jack get annoyed, it's at provocation. He threw a snowball after Jaime asked who he was (but that's petty, not really something I can pin as malicious intent).

We don't necessarily see him bring up his own personal issues unless he's 'alone' (Manny does not count), though not because he's against it, we never see him offer resistance and he'd not necessarily pushy or aggressive when North starts talking about his center in the workshop with the Matryoshka Doll, honestly at points though to me it comes across as if he kind of acts like an active listener, a lot in part because he is expereincing the Guaridans with the viewers in the movie.

He doesn't tend to act in overreactions, though his 'falling off the sled' and throwing a snowball and Jaime could border on that, though it's kind of easy to pick up on the fact that Jack as Jack Frost didn't really do it to be mean, more to cause fun and burn steam.

So, oddly enough, I don't see him being a flirter or anything like that. Compared to the rest of the Guardians, the way he reacts to any high emotion is downright mature.

(Sandy going to punch a kid, Tooth being generally jittery and showing Sophie a handful of Teeth, North being North with his big belly and all that, and Bunny just being generally combative with Jack even after his boss (Manny) told him that that's one of the guys he's gonna be working with from now on)

I also don't see him being clingy the way we do in a lot of fanfiction.

Obviously, he does not like being passed through. But also, to me, he doesn't seem to be incredibly tactile, maybe not because he's adverse to it. He has spent centuries as a passive outside observer to the rest of the world for the most part, and we do see him kind of upset with his inability to not be touched. However, we also see him thrive without the ability to be seen or touched, the problem comes in when he wants or needs to intervene and/or advocate for himself. What his line about the Tooth Fairy implies after Jaime loses a Tooth is that he wants recognition, the ability to exist in his environment as normal in a way that isn't impeded by people's inability to see him, ie to be able to put his word in which he isn't shy about (ie rejecting the guardians etc). He can and will speak for himself. And in fact, the way he handles people talking about him, over him, and about him is with distaste.

We don't see him looking for physical contact when he's with the Guardians. When Jaime first sees him, what he doesn't do is freak out about being able to touch a person, and we don't see him actively try and pat Jaime on the head or initiate any notable casual contact with anyone he can tangibly exist around. Even the bit where his hands are on Tooth's waist at the end probably only happens because they're celebrating.

He touches when it is situationally apropriate in any situation, and for me, both emotionally/reactionarily, physically and situationally he seems like the type to go with the flow, the same way we see in the movie.

[sibylsleaves]

I really like the idea of some kind of injury/illness being the new lifestyle change that Ryan is talking about, because honestly I have no other idea what it could be. Sidenote: I know you're not thinking he's getting a queer realization this season (honestly rn I'm not either, its just too much to cram into 3 episodes) but do you think we might get one next season?

answering these together because even though i know queer realization & feelings realization (which i believe is what the second anon is referring to) are different things i feel like they're obviously connected and my answer is kind of the same for both of them. so.

I've never been the person who's 100% sure they are going to make Buddie canonically romantic and that's still true now. (Actually the scene that made me a believer didn't happen until season 6...for some reason it was the graveyard scene, although really it was the way the show KEPT emphasizing Eddie and Buck's relationship throughout 6b. The graveyard scene just felt incredibly pointed at the end of like 3 straight episodes of grief/tenderness/flirtiness/etc).

Did getting canon confirmation of Bi Buck change my opinion? Of course. But it moved me from basically thinking there was very little chance to thinking there's maybe a 50% chance. I don't necessarily think that just because we have Bi Buck means we're definitely for sure no doubt about it getting Buddie. Do I want that? yes, obviously.

I think where I'm at now is hopeful that it is coming next season--and by "it" i mean any truly unambiguous indication that Buck and Eddie have romantic feelings for one another (whether or not they actually get together, which I think they could potentially draw out a bit longer).

Where I'm also at is that if they don't do that next season, I'm not sure it's happening at all. Confirming Buck as bi is, imo, THE biggest catalyst they have toward turning Eddie and Buck's relationship romantic. And the fact of the matter is we (and they) don't know how many seasons we're getting after season 8 so if they do want to do it, they might as well do it now (and by now I mean next season).

I believe Tim when he says that he doesn't plan storylines out super far in advance. So I do believe that he may not even know for sure whether they are going to go down that road or not.

What I also know is that he loves Buck and Eddie and their dynamic and so if nothing else I trust him and the other writers to continue writing that relationship with the care and love and nuance that made me into a Buddie shipper to begin with. I don't need them to be canonically romantically together in order to enjoy the show or enjoy the ship. Obviously, I would love it if they did and I think it would be a great storytelling choice to shake up one of the main dynamics in the cast. It would give them a lot of new material and story to explore, which, after eight seasons, they kind of desperately need, given how repetitive/dead-ended/just plain ABSURD some of the storylines have felt in recent seasons.

At the end of the day I do think Tim/the writers are going to do whatever it is they want to do, and whatever they think is right for the story. As a creator I respect that, even if I might not agree about what the right thing for the story is.

[itsclydebitches]

We can agree that the tonal dissonance is the worst part yes because why did they come out of that good ass smoke confront yourself scene with Ruby making a hilarious meme face at us 😭 can they decide if they want serious or slapstick or at least make said slapstick feel more cruel/surreal, like go for a tone where the characters are suffering but the inherently ridiculous world is constantly fucking with them. I feel like that'd land better than 'hehe Weiss is going grrr and making anime bubbles! Ignore Ruby having a panic attack! This is irrelevant!'

Thanks for responding to the other thing as politely as you did and I hope it didn't come off as a personal attack. You do seem nice and you make a good point I just kind of feel bad for you slogging through this show you hate KSHSKSHS

Nah don't worry about it, anon. Idk how to really explain it, but for me a "bad" show isn't necessarily a "slog" show. I like waking up Saturday morning to watch RWBY, knowing I'll get to write a recap later, engage with other fans throughout the week, etc. It could feel overwhelming at times given the previous one day pace I had set, but not a slog (no matter how much it might sound that way in recaps because, as established, there's A Lot of problems to cover that obviously color my tone). But the moment this project actually becomes an uninspiring slog I'd just... drop it? I mean, no offense to anyone here who likes keeping up with these posts, but I'm not a Content Creator℠ in the sense of this being a job. Tumblr doesn't pay me lol. Whenever/if ever it's no longer enjoyable, it's no longer something I'll do. Simple as that.

Anyway, YEAH. Tone. I had the same sort of, "Wait, huh?" reaction to Ruby's exaggerated panic over losing the Cat (complete with more stylized, manga-esque animation cues) immediately after she's reminded that Salem is two steps away from destroying the whole world and they have no plan to stop her. It's truly jarring. You know what I was thinking about the other day though? How although it's obviously weird, frustrating, and sometimes dangerous, Ever After should also be beautiful. Creative. Inspiring. An astounding, impossible experience! We got a little bit of that with Ruby walking through the garden, but leaning into the girls' amazement could be a good way of lightening the otherwise dark Volume. I mean, they haven't just landed in a fairy tale, but a beloved childhood classic complete with favorite characters, gorgeous scenery, unlimited magic where before they've only seen bits in combat... Do you have any idea how fucking STOKED I would be if I suddenly found myself in Narnia? The Shire? Hogwarts? Or yeah, Wonderland? Even if I knew that there was danger here and even if I had something traumatically important to get back to in the real world, there would still be a part of myself simply giddy at the prospect of exploring my favorite story. If Blake spent more time gushing over meeting her favorite characters, if Weiss stood in awe at the architecture, if Yang was Ooo-ing over the cool creatures here, if Ruby took a breather to look at sentient toys and go, "That's awesome" we could add a lot of lightheartedness without interrupting the primary tone. Right now, the girls' attitude is primarily "Wow, this world is the worst" rather than "Wow, this world is a wonderland." And true, that is (mostly) accurate to Alice's experiences, but it's not helping me enjoy the setting when the girls so clearly hate being there.

[orchidsangel]

okay so i’m usually more of a silent follower (i’ve only like sent one ask ever) but i kinda love your posts/talks about things that you love (even if it’s not necessarily something i care about,,i just love it when people talk about their interests it’s amazing),, so i’m kinda curious about why do you think sos should have won over midnights,,, not saying that sos is bad or anything i actually love the album and sza but i was rooting for midnights honestly and personally think it deserves the title for many reasons,,, like i’m NOT saying that sos didn’t deserve to be aoty on the contrary, all the albums that were nominated are amazing and all had their big impact and the title is very subjective and ngl, this is one of those years where the nominees are all so good it’s actually quite a tough competition to choose between, but personally i found that midnights deserved it the most so i’m actually really curious to know your opinion on why sos should have gotten it

(i’ve already seen so much discourse about this for the past week on twitter but obviously. it’s twitter. so they don’t have any valable reasons except just pure hatred, misogyny, slut shaming and obviously racism)

Okay, so first off, thank you for sending in this ask and allowing me to speak about something I care about!! Second of all, when you added racism in the "don't have any valuable reasons section" what did you mean by that? I'm not coming for you or anything. I'm just curious if you meant racism towards Taylor or if you mean racism towards SZA.

anyways, now for my thoughts.

So, while I obviously agree that SOS is a great album, the part I disagree with is Midnights being a good album. I don't like it; I never did, and I probably never will. And this isn't me being a Taylor hater; I am a Taylor Swift enjoyer and have sat down and listened to a few of her albums. While none of them absolutely stunned me, I do think she's an overall good musician and can make a relatively good body of work. Midnights is a snoozefest. It's boring and doesn't hold a candle to the rest of her discography, which I feel fine saying because I know there are a significant amount of swifties and non-swifties alike that agree.

To me, midnights is nothing special, and most of the songs blend together. It's not completely bad, though; it has its good moments, but the many cons, i.e., boring instrumentals, mediocre lyrics, no super deep meanings, etc. outweigh the very few pros, i.e., Snow On The Beach ft. Lana Del Rey, but more importantly, Snow On The Beach ft. more Lana del Rey. And I just can't get behind Midnight's winning album of the year after being the pinnacle of mediocrity.

Now, if you wanna talk about impact, let's talk about impact. Midnights broke tons of records, most notably taking up all ten top spots on the Billboard Hot 100 chart, a feat that no other artist has managed to accomplish. But that wasn't because the album was good or because the general public was tuned in; it's because of streaming culture, because, like most fandoms these days, swifties are rabid and reaching for the charts. That, combined with the sheer size of Taylor Swift's fanbase, means that the album was bound to do well regardless of whether it was good or not.

SOS, on the other hand, obviously didn't chart nearly as well as midnights (although it definitely did chart, like, let's get that straight bc Snooze didn't leave the chart at all last year). But that doesn't automatically mean that it was less impactful, because charts aren't that reliable these days so you have to find other means of calculating impact, and this is when we turn to social media.

(I'll be using tiktok for reference as I feel that since the app relies on music as its #1 source of content, that's the best representation for my argument)

So I'm an avid TikTok user, chronically online, way too invested in drama that doesn't involve me, a loser, blah blah blah whatever, who cares. The point is that I spend enough time on TikTok to be able to observe many different trends going on at the same time and their musical origins. There are so. many. songs. on SOS that trended on tiktok. You could not escape SZA on that app, not even if you wanted to.

Kill Bill, Seek & Destroy, Low, Blind, Snooze, Ghost in the Machine, Shirt, I Hate U, Good Days, etc.

All songs that I've heard on TikTok at one point or another, some of them having their own designated trends to go along with certain lines, and I'm sure there's more I missed.

This specific point means so much to me because I need you to understand that I didn't listen to SOS in full until WAY into 2023 (the album came out in 2022 for reference), and each track was so familiar because I had already heard so many of them on TikTok.

Now, I'm not saying that there weren't any songs on midnights that trended on TikTok. Obviously, there were. i.e., Karma, bejeweled, Midnight Rain, that one part in The Great War, etc., but when I say that most of the songs from Midnights that trended on TikTok were pretty much always used in the context of Taylor Swift, I mean that. I cannot stress this enough. If there was a song from Midnights playing in the video, then I can guarantee that Taylor was being mentioned in that same video, whether it be the eras tour, speculation about her and Joe Alwyn's breakup, her and Travis Kelce, speculation about which Taylor's version album was coming out next, or literally anything pertaining to her at all.

You might think that this is a stupid point, but to me, it's a good example of the fact that it wasn't an album the general public was interested in. And I think for an award like Album of the Year at the Grammys, the album in question should be one that is either objectively good, incredibly poetic, and thoughtful with a deep message, or beloved by the general public, and midnights wasn't any of those.

As for the misogyny and slutshaming, I'd never in a million years agree with that and don't condone that by any means. Pure hatred, if unwarranted, isn't something I really care about either because I'm a hater at my core and have a lot of one-sided beef with people who don't know me. But I will say that most people I know who don't like Taylor Swift do actually have one or two valid reasons. It's not that hard to find them, what with white feminism, not using her platform for good, dating a known racist, and committing ecological warfare, amongst other things.

If the racism you're referring to is in regards to people bringing up her privilege as a white woman, and it bothers you that people are bringing it up, then I'm sorry, but I'm not the person you want to talk to about that because I won't agree. The Grammys have a history of snubbing black and POC artists in general to favor their white counterparts; in fact, the entire music industry has a history of it, and this situation isn't any different in my eyes.

Anyway, that's most of all I have to say. Thank you for asking again, I'd love to hear why you thought Midnights should have won.