#not only does he beat his wife he also has sex with teenager who may be younger than 15

[allovesthings]

I love (read hate) how I Robert proceed to hit Cersei and then, his first reaction to that is to blame her for that.

We love a good victim blaming abuser in this household.

[ambrossart]

I was wondering if there are rumors surrounding

henry, Victor and belch just like patrick? And what type of rumors ?is it creepy like the rumors about Patrick or is it just some gossip between other teenagers? And what about Evelyn? I honestly find hard to believe there aren't any rumors about her and henry like you said he was the staring type so there are definitely others who caught him staring at her and suspected something

Okay, before jumping in, I just wanna say this: none of the rumors/gossip you’re about to read are “whole school buzzing” kind of rumors. Among the main characters, Patrick is the only “popular” one and even he’s not that popular compared to the actual popular kids like Liz Mueller. Derry High’s got a lot of students, and most of them aren’t too concerned about what a bunch of sophomores are doing. They’ve got their own stuff going on.

Also, nobody can compete with Patrick. Between setting random fires around school and hooking up with just about everyone (including, allegedly, the principal’s wife), this guy can single-handedly keep the rumor mill turning for years. He’s on a whole other level. Patrick may not be popular, but he has reached a certain level of… infamy.

— Henry

Now Henry is also infamous, but not in the fun way that Patrick is. I’ve said this before, but Henry Bowers is radioactive. Most of the students would prefer him to drop out or get expelled—that’s how much they hate him. And it’s not because he’s a bully. Derry’s got plenty of bullies. It’s because he’s so angry and unstable. You can practically feel the rage radiating off of him. It’s very uncomfortable being around Henry. Nobody wants to deal with that.

For that reason, most students aren’t too eager to gossip about him, because if Henry finds out you were talking shit about him, he’s gonna come after you. Period. And for the vast majority of students, the risk simply isn’t worth it. That being said, there’s still some gossip floating around, and this usually comes from bored popular girls who aren’t scared of Henry. People like Greta Bowie, Steph Price, and Manda Bosch. I’m not sure how much of this is going to make it into the story, but at some point, Greta does make up a rumor about Henry and Beverly, just like what happened in the 2017 movie. Greta decides to piggyback off the Manda Bosch rumors in order to hurt Beverly. It’s obviously not true, Henry doesn’t give a shit about some random seventh-grader, but he sees no reason to deny it either, just like he sees no point in denying the current rumor about Manda Bosch. He wants people to think he’s having sex. Lots of sex. It’s way better than having people speculating about his sexuality.

Before moving on, I also want to say this: I think the entire town, on some level, is aware of Henry’s abuse, and they’ve known about it for years. They know it’s there, but they choose not to see it because that would make the situation too complicated and grey. They’d rather believe Henry was born bad. If his dad beats him, it’s probably because he deserves it. It’s very unfortunate.

— Belch

I think the school treats Belch the same way the fandom treats Belch:

Nobody cares about him.

All joking aside, I honestly don’t think people talk about Belch too much. He doesn’t really do anything worthy of gossip. At most, I could see people wondering out loud why he’s still hanging around Henry. As I’ve said in a previous post, Belch is a completely different person when he’s not with Henry, so I could see people being really confused by that friendship. They think he’s better off without him.

— Vic

Vic is kind of in the same boat as Belch. People don’t really spread rumors about him because Vic’s so quiet and keeps to himself.

I do, however, think there’s a small group of girls that like to talk about him amongst each other. Vic’s got a little fanclub going on. Yeah, I imagine there’s a group of like six socially awkward girls that like to talk about him and dare each other to approach him. And when he tells them to fuck off, their hearts get all fluttery. 😂 I won’t elaborate on this any further because I do have some scenes planned for Part 2, but that’s what he’s got going on.

Beyond that, have people seen him talking to Evelyn? Yeah, especially in that math class (which is why Seth wrongfully assumed they were dating). But do they go running to their friends with this information? No, because nobody cares that Victor Criss sometimes talks to Evelyn Tozier. That’s not exactly hot gossip.

— Evelyn

Although Evelyn is the main character of this story, she’s not exactly the main character at school. She’s not popular. In fact, most students find her incredibly annoying (like those people at the bonfire, for instance; they reflect what most people think about Evelyn). Occasionally, mean girls like Steph or Greta spread rumors about her, like the one where she’s addicted to caffeine pills, but that’s about it. Mostly people just make fun of her behind her back. They mock her posters and all her lame anti-bullying campaigns. They laugh when Martin spray-paints the C-word on her locker. It’s all childish stuff like that.

Now you asked if people were suspicious about Henry and Evelyn, if people have noticed Henry staring at her. They absolutely have noticed him staring, but they probably just assume he wants to sleep with her or something (either that or… y'know, kill her. With Henry, that's always a strong possibility). It’s a common cliche, right? The bad boy and the little goodie-two-shoes. Nobody is putting that much thought into it. Nobody is sitting there thinking, “Gee, I wonder if Henry likes her.” They can’t imagine Henry having genuine feelings for anyone, and they definitely can’t picture him dating, especially not someone like Evelyn. Yeah, if Evelyn’s gonna date anyone, it’s gonna be some over-achieving dweeb like Jake Newham. That’s what people assume.

Very few suspect something is going on between Evelyn and Henry.

But some do. Oh, some definitely do…

[absurdthirst]

Under His Skin {Dave York x F!Nanny!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: Dub-con due to drugs, sex pollen, infidelity, oral sex (male receiving), unprotected sex, rough sex, cream pie

Comments: Work goes terribly wrong. A needle jabbed into this thigh, an unknown drug pushed into his system. His body screaming for release, Dave races home to what he thinks is an empty house - Carol and the girls at the cabin - only to find the nanny there. Leaving him free to act on illicit thoughts he’s had. 

A/N: This does include infidelity. If that bothers you, please scroll on past.

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

“Fuck!” Dave slams his hand on the steering wheel as the car jerks slightly to the left before he snatches the wheel back to center. The pain that should be radiating up his arm barely registers, the pain in his fucking groin too distracting for anything else to matter. 

It was supposed to be a simple job. Take out a fucking sleazball drug pusher, make it look like the tweaker had an accident while he was high off his own shit. He hadn’t anticipated the fucking needle that got shoved in his thigh, horrified at both the idea of getting something from a dirty needle and the high from whatever shit he had just pushed into Dave’s system. 

For that, the fucker’s death had been a bit messier than usual. He had made sure that the knife had carved out a few more screams than he normally would have because of it. But the fire would destroy most of the evidence anyway. Not that it would be traced back to Dave, he had no ties to that piece of shit. 

Now, he just needed to get home. Carol and the girls are at the cabin, where he’s supposed to join them for a long weekend when he was done ‘wrapping up some last minute work at the office’. So he doesn’t have to worry about questions or concerns about why he was harder than a fucking rock and feeling like he was going to explode if he doesn’t cum.

He doesn’t know what was in that needle. His cock is hard, harder than it’s been in years, straining at the seam of his zipper and aching like he was a teenage boy who has been denied sex after hours of teasing. If he could manage it without crashing the fucking car, he would jerk off while he was driving. But he needs to get home, locked in the safety of his suburban house where no one would think to look for the culprit of the five alarm fire currently raging in that building. 

Taking a deep breath, he tries to ignore the throbbing, pulsing sensitivity of every beat of his heart being felt through his cock. The sticky wet spot grows larger every minute that passes by. He would swear that he’s already cum, how much of the pearlescent liquid has dribbled out and soaked into the fabric of his boxers. But he hasn’t, he would know. 

Half a mile left. That’s all he has. A right turn on Oak Street and then another left on Timberlake. Then it’s just going past ten mailboxes to the driveway that he could turn into in his sleep. Probably has at some point when he’s come home exhausted. The wife’s Mercedes not in the driveway and she probably forgot to pull the bins down to the end of the driveway for the garbage truck. Not that it mattered right now. 

It helps, thinking about these mundane things while he operates on muscle memory alone. He’s good at that. Pushing himself to act appropriately when he needs to, do what is needed or expected despite what he is truly feeling on the inside. Dave York is good at being what he needs to be at that moment. 

His mailbox in view, he lets out an audible groan. Soon he would slumped into the couch in his living room, his cock in hand as he pumps out this feral need to fuck out of his system. 

****

“No, it’s no problem.” You smile as you shift in front of the sink, making sure that there is no food in the bowls as you get ready to put them in the dishwasher. Molly had a bad habit of dumping the food into it and three weeks ago Dave had grumbled and cursed all afternoon while he had taken it apart to find food stuck in the drains, the reason it had backed up and flooded the kitchen. You didn’t want a repeat of that. “I don’t mind being here at all, although it’s strange not to hear the girl’s running around.”

“I can’t thank you enough.” Carol’s voice comes through your earbud and hum noncommittally. Carol York was nice, polite and she genuinely respected you, rare for a nanny gig in your experience, but you still tried to keep your distance. “The package should be there tomorrow and then you can have the next three days to yourself. Order some pizza and there’s a bottle of wine in the fridge.” She is talking from her car, still on the way to the famous cabin that she is always wanting to visit again. “Girls, stop that!” She scolds them before she turns back to you. “Anyway, Dave may swing by to change, but tell him that I’ve got his clothes in my car so he doesn’t need to pack.” 

“I will.” You promise, not bothering to remind her that she said the same thing this morning to her husband before he rushed away for a last minute emergency that had to be handled. Saying goodbye, you finish up the dishes and start the machine, wiping down the counters. You could spend the next two days alone in the house that was beyond what you ever expected to have for yourself. Maybe daydreaming a little about a lift you could never have.

Dave both intimidated and intrigued you. There were moments where you swear that he was a predator, someone that had a darkness in them. His eyes would go flat and lifeless, his jaw would tense and then after a moment, he would blink and it would be gone. An easy smile on his face or a soft, teasing joke for his daughters. 

He was attractive. God, was he attractive, but he was also married. You had seen him with Carol and the girls. He was a loving father, good husband from what you could see. You didn’t know what happened in their bedroom, but Carol didn’t bad mouth him like some of the other couples you had worked for. 

It was your dirty little secret, the way you watched him. Admired the way that his broad shoulders pull over the starched button down shirts and suits that he wears. Contrasted with the soft t-shirts and jogging pants that he wears around the house on the weekends. When he was mowing the grass or cleaning the gutters. You pretended that you didn’t watch him while you were folding laundry, sometimes his laundry or helping the girls with their homework. Never wanting to let on that you had a pathetic crush on a man you would never have anything with beyond being his children’s nanny. 

There is a screeching of tires in the driveway making you jump, rushing from the kitchen towards the front door. Unsure of what the hell would cause anyone to fly into the York driveway. Unless it was someone who was hotdogging. Dave would be pissed if some kid ran over the mail box again. 

You reach the entryway hall when the door bursts open, making a small scream rip out of your throat. Dave launches himself through the door and slams it behind him, red faced, panting and disheveled. 

He freezes for a moment, watching you press a hand to your heart, trying to calm yourself down. It’s only Dave, it’s only Dave you repeat over and over in your mind - your fight or flight instinct had flooded your body with adrenaline in fear that someone was invading the house. 

Dave hadn’t expected you to be here, he had been expected to have the house to himself. Not that it mattered now. His body is screaming for release and something inside him snaps, making him step forward and grab your shoulder to push you down to your knees. 

Your eyes widen in shock when you feel the pressure pushing you down, forcing you down to your knees roughly. Unsure of what the hell is going on. Looking up at him in shock. “I- Dave- are-are you-” You stop talking when he lets go of your shoulder, fumbling with the buckle of his belt and his zipper, pulling his cock out in front of you. 

Your gasp makes him nearly groan, biting his lip at how much it hurts to even touch himself by this point. He’s going to cum any second and he would rather it be buried in your throat because it would take too long to get you stripped down. “Suck.” His free hand cups your jaw, fingers digging into your pressure points expertly to force your mouth open. “Fuck, suck it.” He’s nearly begging, although the words are harsh, growled out at you. 

Shocked that this is happening, your eyes move from his face to the purple, leaking head of his cock. It looks like he has been hard for hours and is about to explode. His eyes are dark, hard with an edge that warns you not to push him. You shouldn’t do this, you should try to wrench free and rage at him in righteous indignation. You don’t. You give in to the horrible little voice that tells you to go for it. 

Dave moans when your lips brush the tip, barely touching his cock while your tongue comes out to press against the leaking head. It feels incredible, almost knee-buckling good and his grip on your jaw tightens slightly while pulling you towards him. Wanting your mouth around him fully. “Fuuuuuuuck.” He hisses, feeling your lips close around him, the heat of your mouth sucking him in. 

His hand that had been feeding his cock into your mouth comes around your head, pressing against the back of it. “Oh fuck, baby.” He grunts harshly. “I’m gonna fuck your throat.” He warns you. “Don’t choke, swallow my cock.” 

It’s all the warning you get before he starts to move. The hard, deep thrusts into your mouth nearly gagging you, but you keep swallowing, trying to prevent yourself from choking in those precious few seconds that he is pulling his hips back. The hand on your hand pushes you down, deeper onto his cock while he fucks himself into you mouth. Using you relentlessly while the fabric of his pants, his balls sway and tap the bottom of your chin. 

You shouldn’t be getting wet, shouldn’t be moaning around him when the urge to choke gives way to your throat opening wider, drooling all over his cock with every pass as the ridges scrap over your tongue. 

“Fuck, you’re doing so good, baby.” Dave grunts, feeling the drug that is coursing through his system loosening up his tongue. Talking to his wife in bed was far different than talking to the nanny while he fucks her throat. “Knew you would be good at this. Knew you would suck my cock like a champ. Better than fucking my hand.” 

Dave’s rocking up onto the balls of his feet, pushing himself past your gag reflex and bulging your throat while he fucks your mouth. Making you whine when he starts talking to you, that low voice raspy and rough. Making your eyes widen as you stare up at him, surprised that he’s thought about this. Wondering what else he’s thought of. 

“Fuck, gonna cum baby, that mouths gonna make me cum.” Dave hisses, eyes locked on yours, body starting to tense up. 

It’s all the warning he gives you. The next thrust buries his cock deep down your throat and starts to throb, pumping spurts of salty, sticky cum down your throat. Making you choke and struggle to swallow, some of it spilling out of the corners of your mouth and sliding down your jaw along with the spit. 

It hurts, that’s how good it feels. His balls pulling up and that sublime feeling of his cum pumping through his shaft and spurting down your throat. You look exactly like he imagined those nights he was in the shower. Wide eyes with tears sliding down your cheeks from where you had choked on him, the stream of spit and cum from where you can’t swallow all he has to give. The way your throat closes around the head and squeezes it, milking him of another rope. 

Except, he’s not starting to soften. The ache is still twisting in his stomach and he realizes for the first time since he was - fuck, 25, he can keep going. He isn’t going to be a one and done this time. 

You almost protest when he pulls his hips back, letting go of the back of your head and pulls his cock out of your mouth. Wet and shiny from your mouth and there is a string of spit that connects the still heavy bead of cum on the tip to your lips. Until you break it, your tongue comes out to swipe along the edges and try to lick up the excess. 

Dave reaches down and drags you up, his breathing ragged and he shakes you slightly when he looks into your eyes. He’s thought about fucking other women before. Practially every man has, but he’s never actually had sex with someone since he married Carol. It doesn’t matter right now, he just needs to be inside you. “Take your fucking clothes off.” He orders you, letting go of you so he can start to drag the material away from his own body. 

Whimpering, you rush to comply. You’ve not imagined this less than a hundred times, but you never imagined it like this. Pulling your own shirt over your head and seeing your charge’s father kick his shoes off and shove the pants and boxers down over his legs, kicking them off impatiently while his cock still swings heavily between his legs. Fuck, he’s still hard. He’s going to fuck you. 

Your cunt throbs and you know that you should stop him, ask what is wrong because this is not how Dave York acts. He barely acknowledges you unless it's something to do with the girls’ schedule. Now he’s going to fuck you in the foyer of his home?

His shirt isn’t even off before he’s on you again. Steering you deeper into the house, not caring about the clothes piled in the entryway. The farthest he can make it is the kitchen, the table where his family sits is blessedly clear, making him push you over the shiny surface of the wooden table. 

“D-Dave.” You gasp out, feeling his fingers, quick and harsh, ripping at the leggings and underwear that you still haven’t managed to get off your body. Are you really going to do this? Are you going to let him fuck you on the York kitchen table?

“Let me fuck you, baby.” It’s not really a question, not the way that he’s stripping your leggings down and kicking your legs apart while your torso is bent over the same table he helps the kids with their homework on. It’s not a question but he will pull himself away if he has to. There are a few lines he’s not crossed. “Fuck I need it. I need to be inside you.” 

You can’t help the whimper, hearing the words that seem like some kind of fevered fantasy. Like you are living out the raunchiest porno or smut you’ve ever read. “Yes.” You manage, face against the wood grain of the table and you are glad you wiped it down after clearing it. Otherwise your tits would be in spilled milk from the cereal. 

It’s all he needs to hear. The white noise, the heat that is curling in his stomach takes over. Barely able to grasp his cock and and move it half a stroke through your soaked folds, groaning at how wet you are. Gritting his teeth and driving his hips forward to bury himself in the hot, tight confines of your body. 

Your squeal is punched out of you, hips slammed against the table while your cunt stretches to accommodate his cock. Loud and echoing through the house, followed up by the low groan of Dave, grinding against your ass as if he is trying to get even deeper. 

“Shit.” He hisses, fingers dug into your hips, feeling like his gripping bone through the layers of flesh. “Al-always imagined how tight you would be.” He admits, blowing out a breath and feeling like his heart is going to explode from how hard it’s pounding. Sweat drips from his brow, body overheated and needing to cum again. “W-wanted to fuck you right here, baby.” 

Your fingers wrap around the table, clinging to it as Dave pulls his hips back to start fucking you at a brutal pace. The table creaks, scrubs and scratches along the floor with every harsh thrust. Making your cunt clench and your mewls get louder, every time his thick length strikes deep and makes you rock up onto your toes so it softens the hit. 

“Ohhhh ooooohhhh.” Dave huffs, hearing your moans and rocking his hips faster, needing to fuck you just as hard and as fast as he possibly can. It feels incredible, twisting and knotting in his stomach and making the burn ache a little less. Unable to do anything but feel how tightly your cunt grips him, your walls fluttering around him. 

“So good to me.” He grunts. “Letting me use you, fuck you like this. Need it.” He moans quietly when you squeeze him harshly and his hips stutter under your tight hold around him. “Need to fill you up. Fill this cunt up and watch it dr-drip out.” 

God, his voice is so sexy. Your eyes roll back in pleasure at the way he hits so deep, the punishing plunge of his cock doing just as much as that gravelly timbre, giving all the illicit thoughts you’ve had about him a voice. You would have never expected that he thought about you, never imagined he would. Now it’s rolling around in your head and making you want to cum around him. 

“You like that, don’t you?” Of course he hears how you whimper and whine when he starts talking. Your body seizing up and pulsing around him. “You like my cock inside you, don’t you baby?” 

Biting your lip, you whine, barely able to scrub your cheek along the table in agreement. “Yes, you do.” Dave bends down, flattening himself over your back and keeping his hips slapping against your ass. His mouth is right next to your ear, breathing against it and making you shudder. “Have you- have you had someone fuck you like this before?” 

He doesn’t like that idea. Even if his actions are based on the driving needs of his body, he doesn’t like the idea of someone else fucking you like this. Doesn’t like the idea of someone else touching you and feeling you grip them like a fucking glove. Your pussy is his, this cunt now belongs to him. He’s not crossed this line with you before out of respect for his wife, for his kids, but now it’s done and he knows he won’t give it up. He’ll keep filling you up like this again. 

“No-no-no.” You chant out, barely able to speak as his thrusts ramp up. Getting even harder and pushing the table along the floor while he beats himself into you. “N-never.” You’ve never had toys or had anything but the most basic sex. Your experience is limited and you feel your cheeks burning at how much you are enjoying this. It’s rough and raw and you feel your entire body reacting to the way that he is fucking you. 

“Good.” He growls the words, the smile you can’t see is predatory, calculating. HIs groan is loud, nearly surprised when his orgasm rushes over him. Making him push his cock deep, moaning your name as he shallowly thrusts, pumping you full of his seed, spilling out of your cunt as he continues to rock into you. 

Heat floods your cunt, making you whimper and close your eyes. It feels so good but you wish you had cum. Making your body slump down against the table and relax. The tears that have built up in your eyes blinked away when he stops moving and just throbs inside of you for a moment. 

“Fuck.” He pants, wiping his brow and rocking back so he can see where he is still buried inside you. “Jesus, look at that, baby.” He’s still hard, still needing to fuck you and he chuckles as he starts to move again. “Let’s make you cum.” 

You moan again. “Dave.” Your ass pushes back towards him, making him chuckle again.

“You must not have been fucked right.” He comments, making you shake your head, agreeing with him. You haven’t been fucked right. No one has made your toes curl and your entire body scream for release like the man who is currently pushing his cum out of your cunt with every slick thrust. 

“You’ve probably never had someone lick that tight little cunt, have you baby?” He coos, now able to talk more since he’s cum twice. “No one’s ever made your thighs shake around their ears?” 

“No.” You pout, making him huff. Shaking his head behind you. “I- no one. Dave, please.” 

“I can’t right now.” He hisses. “Need to be inside you. Need to fuck you, but I will.” He promises, starting to ramp up his thrusts again. One hand lets go of your hip, pushing up under your pelvis and sinking between your thighs to find your clit. “But-but I’ll make sure you cum.” 

Mewling when those thick fingers find your swollen clit, your walls clench down around him. So on edge from the way that he’s been shredding up into you, you fall apart with just a few harsh circles of your clit. “DAVE!” You cry out, shaking underneath him while he continues to rub your clit while your cunt pulses around him in pleasure. 

“Fuck.” He spits, the harsh slap of his hips sounding slicker, wetter with every pass. “Good girl, baby, good girl.” 

There is a sense of pride, moaning quietly again while he works you through it, still thrusting away and fucking into you like he has no intention of stopping anytime soon. Because he doesn’t. 

****

Your cunt hurts. That’s the first thing you register when your eyes open. Dave had fucked you for hours. Hours. Barely stopping to drag you up into the room that you stay in while you are working. Grabbing extra lube, which you were extremely thankful for when your own natural slick arousal started to dry up. 

“Here.” You turn your head to find Dave standing over you, holding something in one hand and a glass of water in another. “It’s a painkiller.” He offers when you don’t immediately take it. “You need it since you weren’t used to being fucked like that.” 

Wincing at the blunt words, you sit up, hissing slightly and Dave sits down on the edge of the bed. Watching as you take the pills and look at them before you pop them into your mouth and take the water to wash them down. “Thank you.” You murmur. 

“Thank you.” Dave counters, his eyes not necessarily flat and hard, but they are shuttered, not letting you see what he is feeling. “I- it was something that- how are you feeling?”

It’s unusual to see Dave unsure of himself. He always seems like a man who knows what is going on and what to expect. He’s caught off guard and you tilt your head curiously at the sight. You already figured out that it wasn’t normal. Dave being able to go for that long, no man had that kind of stamina. Coupled with his desperation, you had to reason that something had happened. 

“I’m good.” You tell him after a moment, watching him nod and rub his hands on his thighs, now covered in the soft fabric of some gray sweats. “Sore, but good.” 

“Good.” Dave sighs and then takes a breath. “You need to rest.” He tells you. “I called Carol and told her that I won’t be able to make it to the cabin this weekend.” A tiny smirk curls up his lips. “When you aren’t so sore, I’ll keep my promise.” 

Your eyes widen, mouth dropping open as Dave stands and walks out of your bedroom. His promise of making you cum with his mouth had been repeated several times over the hours that he had been deep inside you, filling you up with load after load of his cum. Apparently, despite whatever had made him fuck you, you had gotten under his skin. 

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[atendersun-archived]

Who are some of Muu's closest friends? And does he mind to be friends with kids, old people? Neither gender is not an issue for friendships?

For simplicity reasons, I'm breaking this down into different points:

Muu's main goal in life is to experience having friendships (and even romantic relationships as well) that are built on a strong foundation between both parties it includes. Although he may be the type of person that needs to be explained the same thing over, and over again until it reaches a point in which it is more frustrating than anything else, he is not so dense that he is oblivious to the fact that he isn't exactly ideal friendship material. He's not really great at making other people around him aware of the fact that he deeply cares about them, since he seems too interested in talking about himself than hearing about anyone else, his interests are not incredibly age appropriate or all that interesting, s, and he is far more sensitive than what is probably necessary for a twenty four year old man. With all of that being said, however, he is so self aware of the downfall of his differences that he wants more than anything to give everyone a chance at being his friend as a way of bettering his odds of finding people that will actually have the patience and willingness to keep him around.

With that being said, anyone and everyone is indiscriminately treated by him as someone he is eager to get to know and get to like him. Age, gender, sexuality, socioeconomic status, etc. None of it particularly matters to him just as long as he either receives kindness from them to some extent, or he THINKS he can earn said kindness by pleasing them in some way. This has understandably led to a lot of toxic friendships in which the other party has made it clear they want nothing to do with him, or they make it abundantly clear that they are only utilizing him for some sort of manipulative gain, and yet he knows there is still some chances that he might repeat those behaviors. Something he's learned from spending too much of his free time on Tiktok, though, is that the anxiousness that presents itself with attempting to receive something other than neglect or abuse from someone that will never give any proper praise is addicting to the brain. That it begins to feed off of the fear and uncertainty in those moments so frequently that it begins to crave it. In a way, he knows that is why he tends to find himself placing himself into purposefully dangerous situations, or back into the company of people he knows won't truly respect him as a person. It is because not only does he subconsciously feel that negative attention such as that might be the only thing he truly deserves to have instead of selfishly asking for unconditional love instead, but also because he thrives off of the abuse in some way. Lately though, however, he really has made nothing but really wonderful friendships with people that have made it very clear that they genuinely enjoy his company, and want what is best for him, so it has really been a challenge in rewiring his brain to expect that condition of living instead of slipping into a state of survival mode that can make or break how he is treated that day.

In the past, Muu would have definitely stated that he preferred male friendships on the basis of having someone he could turn to for protection and security as someone that wasn't particularly very strong physically and emotionally. As time shifted to places in which that security and protection was not offered to him, or was overstepped completely when placed into very dangerous circumstances involving himself and another man, Muu found himself gravitating more towards women. To him, they are safer company. They tend to respond to his emotional needs in a way that is more caring instead of belittling him, or responding aggressively. Also, even though a lot of his friendships with women typically cross a line into something more than friends with the addition of sexual intimacy, he has not felt an underlying sense of predatory behavior like he has with some of the men he claimed to be his friends in the past.

Trigger warning for the information ahead. Basically, the most condensed version of the answer to male vs female friends that I can offer to old & new muns alike is: Muu doesn't have the same experience of being able to state that he's been consistently emotionally, verbally, physically, and even sexually abused by female friends as he can with the men he admired to the point he blindly trusted them through some really difficult times, so, therefore, he just generally feels safer around women more than men. He's really trying to work through that though, and bring himself to a point in which he can really let go of all of that in favor of having the strong male friendships he always wished to have growing up.

I am basically just rattling off names at this point. I am sure I can locate more as well, but it is getting late here so who I am able to think of at this hour is under the cut:

Adrian and Gael of @romantxcxsm quickly come to mind because both have, right from the gate, been nothing but genuinely very kind to him. Muu assumed to really only consider Gael as a threat in the sense of having to fight him as an act of making himself the most dominant person the room from taking down the biggest guy he saw, but he never anticipated him and Adrian actually being the most emotionally intuitive people he's ever met. Muu could probably listen to Adrian just chatter on about being this seemingly extroverted person who takes people in on a whim without a second guess for hours. Same as he could just stare at Gael in knowing that even though they only seem like a tall, quiet to the point of almost being mysterious, they actually very sweet and sensitive underneath that exterior.

Hannah @kannojo. aka his wife at this point. This woman right here is his absolute ride or die. She's put up with his ass since they were just teenagers that got into petty fights that he always started. At any point, she could have easily beat his him to a pulp, but she didn't. Instead, she fell for him against all the odds. For her to hold out for him to stop talking about men that struggled to even provide him the bare minimum in a relationship is astonishing. Out of everyone he's essentially knew since he was sixteen up until now, she has been the person he could always go to no matter what. When day after day he faced an absurd amount of ridicule from people in his social circle that berated him and beat him over him being himself, and for wanting to be their friend regardless of it all, it was Hannah he could go to when he needed some to cry to. Her love has carried over from the time he was an annoying young man that was only obsessed with boys and himself, over to when he was so down and depressed that he believed he had no worth as a person based on how others were treating him, and it still exists today as a very queer man just trying to work through an asinine amount of trauma. that's his lady right here ♡ fucking hetereos

Neff @cosmicstardreamer This lady is too all knowing that it baffles him how quickly she can figure things out about him before he can even say it himself. Never would he have guessed for them to become so connected so quickly that he can basically safely tell her anything. Aside from Hannah, who was always just an arm's length away from him telling her everything as it was happening, Neff is still the only one of a few people that know the existence of the assaults he has endured, even if she may not know the specifics of them. While he can not explain it in words, there is at least a particular feeling that he experiences in her company that he feels very rarely in the company of other people. And, to him, that feeling is of completely safety. While she might be off the hook of having to hear him go on about his ex every five minutes, she is unfortunately not out of bounds of having to hear him chatter on about how Tiktok has made him want to learn how to read tarot cards.

Hisao @angstiism. He can't quite put his finger on it, but there is something about the anxiousness that has kept him drawn to him throughout the entirety of them knowing each other. There has been a shift in their relationship as friends, though, as in the past Muu actually looked to the younger male as if the roles were reversed. Almost as though he was seeking safety in them as he saw Hisao as someone very mature and more understanding of things than maybe he felt his other friends were. Nowadays, though, he just keeps trying to make sure Hisao knows that he is the one being taken care of now. Hisao was also someone present in his life when shit was DARK so he has that to navigate as an adult male trying to move beyond a lot of it. Trigger warning again: Though he might have no intention of actually verbally acknowledging it at where they stand as mature adults, having that one friend to show and discuss the children's books on the topic of sexual abuse during a time when he was so very concerned with / very much so craving validation on whether or not being molested in his late, late teens was his fault. It is a memory he holds very dear to himself within the confines of his own heart.

Pchan @nvrcmplt. This right here is his alien. Muu has always found him to be interesting on behalf of the fact that he was sure he had never met an alien before he met this one. Surprisingly, he has never really taken too much of an interest in finding out more about the exact species and abilities the extraterrestrial as up until maybe recently. He's kind of vaguely known them to have something to do with sex as he's been aware of the kinds of friendships and interactions the other has, but since he himself has very conflicting opinions on sex he really never opts to dive deep into learning more about how something unhuman experiences coitus. Now that their friendship has moved well beyond teenager / young man and his alien buddy to an adult man finally taking the time to actually get to know his friend in ways that don't feel as though they underlyingly childish, he feels almost like a whole new sensation when in the company of the alien. He would describe it as wonder mixed in with comfort. As in he is more apt to actually effectively comprehend experiences the alien has had that make up their personality as being something other than "that's my alien friend. he has lots of sex and is nice to me". Also, Muu has no apologizes for trying to beat up Sergio on Pchan's behalf, even if he didn't actually know the circumstances behind the man informing him that he'd hurt his friend to begin with. He'd gladly attempt to bite that bastard again if given the opportunity.

THERE'S SO MANY AAAAAAAAAAA

Yukio and Kuen of @silvxcs even if he thinks they are buttholes sometimes. Kuen with his inability to communicate effectively and always falling asleep while he is talking to him lol. And Yukio for somehow flipping the script on him and becoming more like a caretaker than he ever anticipated. Also because he specifically paid this man to tell Akatsuki to tell him that he's proud of him while possibly holding him for a moment. He had not paid the other male to rat him out and inform Akatsuki of his concerns about the older male being mad at him. Muu still thinks he is stinky for that.

There is Sully @tximidity and Alex @dis--parity. One he may have known for a long, long time to the point of recalling who they were prior to transitioning, while the other is a new face for him, but he both loves them very dearly. Mainly because both Sully and Alex are soft individuals that have been put through the wringer, and therefore he can talk to them about difficult conversations that he would be concerned going to anyone else about. Alex, for example, is someone he can go to and either talk or listen to gender related issues without any concerns. Sully, on the other hand, he finds interesting in the sense of they are this enigma of manhood like himself even if it is in different ways. Also, Sully is basically required to be his friend at this point because he won't let someone who witnessed him cry about skin cells get away so easily.

he love the muppet @goneborne, shinya is his snuggle buddy and he is not taking no for an answer @floriogrxphy, nich @bclasaeg is a meanie that has a crush on him but wont let him see his boy boobs the same way muu flashed his without any concern. god he really values so many of his friendships with people that i can't fit them all here even though i want to so bad

basically everyone that works at Komachi @welivetoserve is unfortunately trapped into being friends with him, but he has his blatant favorites. In the event he is ever in a life threatening situation where he is only given one phone call to make, he has already decided on Ayumu. That one is very nice, so he likes that one. We all know who the absolute favorite within any association to the club is because he never shuts the fuck up about him, but that sucks on account that I would rather mention how Muu will never not get a kick out of being a tiny bit mean to Mamoru as a means of establishing dominance over the man that could very well just ban him at any moment.

[hi-epervier]

In other news I'm back with more Naruto & Fugaku Uchiha dumbassery!! Still pre-sasunaru (for now). Now tagged 'matchmaking tyrant au' and 'mt' for easier search.

When Fugaku is not singing the praises of Japan (free healthcare. Does Naruto have any STIs? What? It's a valid concern. Having been dropped on his head as an infant is not an excuse for neglecting his health) he's on the phone barking orders to some poor bastard.

At some point early on, Naruto goes 'How come you never call your family? Don't you miss them?'

And gets told that keeping in touch would only serve to worry them needlessly. Fun fact: Naruto is a garbage collector. He has a PhD in bullshit.

'Well, yeah, okay. But what about just calling them, without mentioning the hospital thing?'

'...That is wholly unnecessary. My responsibilities-'

'I'm sure mrs Old Pimp would appreciate a call. Come on. It's your wife! Don't you want to talk to your wife?'

'I assure you that Mikoto does not require-'

'I'll let you get me a new shirt if you call them right now.'

Naruto's shirts collection is comprised of three identical orange rags riddled with stains and holes. All previous attempts of shoving money at the brat to make him replace them with something decent were shut down.

Fugaku makes the call.

It goes well, if by 'well', one means that it's marginally less mortifying once it's established that he is indeed not dying, nor in any immediate danger of doing so, and that no, there's no natural disaster currently unfolding, nor economy collapse, nor any urgent matter of any kind. Fugaku is calling because he felt like it, out of his own free will. Mikoto teases that now she knows he must have food poisoning. Then, mercifully, she makes small talk. Fugaku forms one full, stilted sentence, and a series of grunts, and, eventually, gets to mumble something that may or may not resemble a 'goodnight'.

'That wasn't so hard, huh, you old bastard? Don't you feel much better now?'

Fugaku should have bargained to make it two shirts.

*

In the mornings, Naruto rises bright and early and leaves with a 'please don't croak while I'm at work, Cranky Old Pimp!'

His day starts with collecting people's shit to throw it in the truck. It's an ok job, once you get over the smell, and the maggots, and the fucking squirrels, all of which he already had to deal with as a kid anyways. At least he's not stuck in an office. And in winter he knows which dumpsters are more likely to have someone hiding in them.

After that, he usually has one of two part-time gigs, but the boss of the fast-food place has been riding his ass more and more about the orders Naruto messed up once or twice, and he suspects he's going to be fired soon (his short-term memory is pretty shit, as well as his focus if he's not bouncing, or dancing, or just doing anything that involves moving a lot; but he'd been trying, and he'd hoped that being nice to customers would save his ass). Demand for construction workers is at a low, so he's been meaning to find a new job, but his dyslexia is making things difficult, and as a cherry on top of this shit cake, his cheap phone died last month. In short, he's pretty much fucked. He's not one to let that stop him, though.

Plus, there are people he can't let down.

*

Fugaku is a naughty old bastard.

'What the fuck do you mean, you're 'going to the office'?!'

'You came in at 2 in the morning covered in shiny substance and looking like you'd been mauled.'

Yeah, the old asshole had teared him a new one and decided he was 'grounded'. Naruto had told him to go fuck himself.

'It's glitter, oh my god, and the nice nurses said you need to rest! Sakura is going to beat my ass when she hears about this!'

This sounds like a your problem.'

'A you problem, it's you! You! At least say it correctly!'

'Did I stutter?'

Naruto may have created a monster.

*

If the old man is well enough to sneak off to buy stocks, he's well enough to make himself useful. Naruto needles him into coming with to the food bank. It's easy getting Fugaku short-notice permission to give a hand, because Naruto is a regular volunteer and seems to get along with everyone.

As always, Fugaku complains a lot; about the quality of the food, about unsavory characters and slackers, about work conditions, about pens. Most of Naruto's friends take a dislike to him immediately for being a disrespectful asshole, but. He gets the work done.

He also bosses around several more impressionable volunteers and somehow manages to make the process more efficient, and he's really good at soothing that one baby whose mom couldn't find a nanny that day, so, hey, silver linings.

Fugaku hates every single minute of it.

(Okay, maybe not the baby.)

(He wasn't kidding about grandchildren. Fugaku loves babies.)

(They like him back They're discerning creatures, unlike teenagers.)

*

They go shopping.

'When I said you could buy me a shirt, I meant a normal one for like, 20 bucks! Not... this!'

Fugaku will be taking his business to a different tailor in the future, and firing the imbecile who recommended this establishment.

This isn't in any way related to Naruto's deafening screech that 'Oh my god, they think you're my sugar daddy!' in the middle of measurements taking, nor with the humiliation of being associated with this cretin.

*

They powerwalk their way out of the store at a sensible pace.

'They thought that you-' something something, hand gestures. 'Me' shirt, not orange. 'For sex! Ew! Ew ew ew!'

...

This is preprosterous.

'I'm a married man.'

'Oh, good, so it's not me, it's you?'

Fugaku pulls a face like he just stepped in a turd.

He really should have bargained to make it two shirts.

[gendryaweeklyupdates]

All New Gendrya work this week (01-Mar-20 to 07-Mar-20)

Feast for the senses by @cassiemortmain : One afternoon at Storm’s End, Gendry gives Arya a surprise… a surprise she enjoys very much. (Rating: M)

vanilla twilight by @ohnoshefell : Gendry Baratheon, the new Lord of Storms End, spends his days reminiscing about his time with his grey eyed girl, Arya Stark, who has sailed West and also stole his heart, never bothering to give it back.-or-Day 1 of Gendrya week on tumblr! (Rating: G)

A Thunder In Our Hearts by hungerwolves : In which Arya has to marry lord Gendry Baratheon, the legitimized bastard son of the King in the South, to avoid war between the 6 Kingdoms and the North.

Friends Don't by @psychvamp25 : Prompt 1: Song&Lyric or Celebration --- Song used: Friends Don't by Maddie and Tae Arya and Gendry have been friends a long time but the people around think that they do things that normal friends just don't. (Rating: G)

a lady in a song by @lumierelalune : With so many things in Westeros to write songs about Arya can't even begin to understand why the bards are insisting on writing songs about her. (Rating: G).

Celebrating Us by @ginnygirl99-swetz : An extended scene from my already published fic "Always Remember Us This Way". Arya reminisces while watching her daughter dance with her new son-in-law. For Gendrya Week 2020 day 1: Celebration. (Rating: T)

Clownery by GoSora : So imagine Gendry being a mechanic and part time clown, working at hospitals and birthdays cause he loves kids. And then he has to work this birthday party for a little girl, turning 10, who broke her leg. And the little girl is a Stark... And Aryas niece! Well, this is that story. Be ready for a little swearing and a lot of sexual tension. (Rating: M)

It's Nice To Have a Friend by @katlyn1948: Arya and Gendry’s relationship through the years (Rating: T)

Too close for comfort by @huffletiika : “You don’t know what I want” he replied, rolling his eyes with exasperation. “Yes, I do” she said, and hold her hand up when he tried to contradict her. “You want a family, stability. You want to have a normal life, stop running from a place to another, find a place that belongs to you. You want to love and be loved, not to be alone anymore. And I can’t–” her voice broke. “I can’t promise you that…”. (Rating: G)

arya, please by @scrubclubwrites : Arya Stark wants to spend her summer writing about music and earning some money working at the coolest record store in the city (and maybe scoring a date with her handsome, moody, artsy coworker). Arya Stark does not want to spend her summer being the subject of the world's cheesiest love song (written for her by her ex-boyfriend, who doesn't seem to accept that things are over). (Rating: T)

You Feel Like Moonlight On My Skin by @randifrnz : After six months in the capital, it is time the future King and Queen of Westeros continue the envoy through the kingdoms of the lands to know and build relationships with their people. Throughout their journey, the crown prince and princess grow even closer and grow up as well. Arya navigates what it means to be a woman grown and what it means to want. (Rating: E)

Cheers (and a Pizza) by @syfygirl1998 : Arya and Gendry have been best friends since they were children, together since they were fifteen and they’re finally engaged. Gendry has always known what makes her happy, but when every conceivable thing at their engagement party goes wrong, his ability to make her smile is tested. (Rating: G)

can you tell I'm losing sleep? by @chasingforeverandaday : It seemed Arya was determined to drive him utterly mad, with the way she pranced about in his clothes, and shared his bed every night, snuggling close and tucking her cold toes under his legs, and seemed to tell everyone they met that she was his wife. No, this could not end well for Gendry and all of his frustration, not at all. /// Arya would like to point out that she knew Gendry could be a bit daft sometimes, but she never thought he was this oblivious. She was very close to dancing naked in front of him, if only to see whether or not that would get the fact that she wanted him through his incredibly thick skull. /// part two of the robin hood au, and a contribution to gendrya appreciation week. (Rating: M)

i'll get it right (on the first try) by @alltheworldsinmyhead : Who says weddings are only fun for the guests? (Rating: E)

Cross Me by @honestgrins : Arya has a run-in at the bar, and she doesn't appreciate when Gendry steps in. Too bad they like each other so much. (Rating: M)

until tonight (and all our nights together) by @yanak324 : He remembers when kisses like this were stolen between them, hidden in dark corners at parties or in the privacy of their apartments. The thought makes him want to deepen the kiss, an affirmation that he’ll never have to hide his affection for her ever again. Arya, Gendry, and a cause for celebration... (Rating: T)

The one that got away by @thetruthisinthetooth : Gendrya Week 2020: Day 1 Song/Lyrics- The one that got away by Katy Perry (Rating: M)

Green by @thetruthisinthetooth : Gendry and Arya are spies. What happens when Arya needs to wear a dress when they go undercover? (Rating: T)

Repair Broken Hearts by @snapdragon76: Arya needs to get a family heirloom repaired. She goes to a bladesmith to try and get it fixed and meets her match in the surly man in front of the forge. (Rating: M)

heart don't fail me now by @alltheworldsinmyhead : Never, in his twenty-seven years of life and twenty-one of making a living as a thief, a swindler and a trickster on the streets of Leningrad, Gendry Waters had a worse job than teaching one infuriatingly stubborn orphan girl how to be a princess. // Anastasia AU, with Gendry as Dimitri and Arya as Anya. (Rating: T)

Wolf Hunt by @jjclarku-deactivated20200209 (JJClark) (re-posting) : Ned Stark survived the massacre of his family in King's Landing. On the run with his daughter, he travels throughout Westeros seeking allies. Danger is never far behind, and eventually, he'll have to leave Arya behind to keep her hidden from their enemies. // Arry Snow knows no life but that of a nomad. She suspects her father of lying for years, but what is the real reason for never putting down roots? Most importantly, why can't she remember anything about her childhood? Surrounded by more questions than answers, Arry is about to learn the hard way how desperate her father is to save her. // Gendry Baratheon is a teenage runaway. He has the chance to make something of himself and snatches up an opportunity with a traveling troupe. Unfortunately, he gets more than he bargained for in the form of a quirky pest and a couple of oddball lost boys. // But the past is never far behind, and the truth might just get them all killed. (Rating: M)

Behind gray and blue eyes by @huffletiika : Everybody is born with Heterochromia, where their right eye is their actual eye-color, while their left one is their soulmate’s, and they would stay like that until you see directly at your soulmate’s eyes. Then, your left eyes will go back to their real color, and you will know you’ve found your other half. “Isn’t your father a Lord?” he asked, still not looking up at her, and she thought that maybe he was just shy. How adorable. “Your father was too” she replied, and he let out a soft chuckle. “Touché” he said, finally looking up at her eyes, and she felt her heart had skipped a beat. (Rating: T)

my ghost (where did you go?) by @starkyards-deactivated20200220 : an introspection into gendry's perspective after arya gets taken.

Her Best Friend's Wedding by @katlyn1948 : Gendry is getting married and Arya confesses a truth. (Rating: T)

Revenge Is Always the Answer by @katlyn1948 : Arya is an outlaw trying to take down a power house bank and Gendry is a farmer along for the ride. (Rating: M)

betrothal by @thewintersoldierdisaster : Gendry and his daughter discuss her future. Companion piece to ‘unravelling’. (Rating: G)

Between Closed Doors by cruzer22cruzer : AU Modern times. Arya's sexual awakening with Gendry. (Rating: M, underage)

Running Away from the Rules You Can't Follow by @thestagthatlovedthewolf : Captain Jeyne Heddle leads a small ship, followed by her loyal crew, when they get a call for help from the neighboring planet of Braavos. Fill for Gendrya Appreciation Week 2020. (Rating: T)

Blue Eyes by @thetruthisinthetooth : Arya goes on a blind date. What happens when the bartender is more entertaining than the actual date? (Rating: M)

on and on it spins by @alltheworldsinmyhead : The ghost of a twenty-years-old Robert Baratheon is standing on her childhood home’s driveway, pulling her little niece closer to kiss her forehead and making her smile oh so softly. They paint a nice picture together. // Lyanna's POV on Gendry and Arya ( Rating: T)

No Big Deal by @jepshe : "You can have sex with a friend," Gendry mutters. Arya's fingers still for a moment. "I know." (Rating: E)

Annoyed and Completely in Love by @katlyn1948 : Bella has a conversation with JJ and realizes that she may feel a certain way towards the cocky young lord. (Rating: T)

This week's masterlink: here

[conrad-x-odair]

( tom hiddleston, 38, cismale, he / him, (November 18th) Was that CONRAD ODAIR? I heard a rumor they work for the FAUST family, but who knows for sure ? They can be a bit SULLEN & TEMPERAMENTAL, but I also heard they can be CHARISMATIC & HONORABLE. You’ll usually find them at THE PINT in their spare time, when they’re not being an BLACK MARKET GUNSMITH & CARCANOS. You may want to keep an eye on that one !

                       “ʏᴏᴜ’ᴠᴇ ɢᴏᴛ ᴇɴᴇᴍɪᴇꜱ? ɢᴏᴏᴅ. ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴇᴀɴꜱ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ’ᴠᴇ ꜱᴛᴏᴏᴅ                                      ᴜᴘ ꜰᴏʀ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ, ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴛɪᴍᴇ ɪɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʟɪꜰᴇ”

- B A S I C -

Full Name: Conrad Barthelemy Odair Age: 38 Occupation: Black Market Gunsmith / Arm’s Dealer Frequented Locations: Port of Chicago, Tony’s Guns and Sporting Good, Cook’s Gun Range, Wolves, The Den, The Pint, Faust Manor Gang Affiliation: Faust Gang Role: Carcanos Birthday: November 18th Zodiac: Scorpio Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

- F A M I L Y -

Father: Edmund Odair (deceased) Mother: Ursula Harker-Odair (deceased) Sibling(s): Three younger sisters and a younger brother (22 - 36) Uncle: Patrick Harker (deceased) Children: 2 - Son, Ellis (7) & Daughter, Cora (3) Significant Other: Estranged Wife

- P E R S O N A L I T Y -

(+) Charismatic, Friendly, Amorous, Honorable, Persuasive (-) Pedantic, Neurotic, Temperamental, Resentful, Manipulative

- L I K E S   /   D I S L I K E S - 

Globetrotting / Traveling

Hiking

Thrill Seeker - Reckless Driving (Need For Speed style), Cliff Climbing, B.A.S.E. Jumping, Skydiving, Free Soloing

Going to the gym

Going down to the shooting range

Tinkering with machinery and mechanics

Woodworking

Sketching

Day Drinking

Cooking

- B I O G R A P H Y -

Conrad was born in London, England and spent most of his earlier years there, alongside his four younger siblings and his parents, before eventually being sent to live in Chicago, IL.

His father, Edmund, owned a construction company and his mother, Ursula, was a housewife who also ran a hair salon side business from their home, so they weren’t exactly wealthy but they certainly got by just fine. His father’s company made pretty good money, more than enough to support the family of seven.

That, of course, changed when Conrad was fourteen. His father was tragically killed while on a job, when he accidentally lost his footing and fell from the eighth floor of a hotel he and his crew were in the process of building.

Edmund’s death devastated the family and it’s what inevitably tore them apart. Left with many bills and a lot of debt from her husband’s death and unable to cope with the stress of trying to support herself and her five children on her own meager salary, Ursula sent the oldest three of her children - Conrad and two of his sisters - to America, specifically Chicago, to live with her older brother, Patrick.

Life in America and with his uncle was...interesting and enlightening, to say the least, but by no means was it something he initially welcomed. As a young teenager, fresh of of mourning for his father and having just been shipped away by his mother - leaving him with the feeling of being abandoned by her - Conrad lost it. He developed severe anger, attachment and abandonment issues towards the world around him. He grew extremely close to his sisters, and oddly enough to his insanely strict uncle, but he had a hard time trusting anyone else outside of his now small family unit. He had very few friends and the friends he did have were not great influences.

He became unruly and reckless, daredevilling it through his teen years (and beyond) by chasing thrills and the accompanied adrenalin rush, while steadfastly ignoring all risks to himself and to others. He was a total speed demon and an acrophile (a lover of heights) - so he loved getting into his car and driving as fast as he possibly could, which resulted in a lot of reckless driving charges, and he would climb to the highest points of the city on dares from his friends just to spray paint stupid and immature messages where literally nobody else could see them - just to prove that he could and because he wasn’t afraid.

That wasn’t the only trouble he would get up to, however. He was often getting into fights, rebelling against every sort of authority figure who dared to try and curb his behavior, whilst acting impulsive and breaking many laws behind their backs by committing minor crimes like petty larceny and vandalism.

Conrad became a smug and very smart-assed delinquent and he reveled in it. Even getting arrested a few times and being forced under house arrest for six months and probation for another six, and having to serve community service didn’t deter his behavior - despite his uncle trying to beat some type of sense into his thick skull on many occasions.

It wasn’t until he got his first real job as a dockhand down at the Port of Chicago at 17 (forced upon him by his uncle), where he got introduced to the Faust gang and their illegal smuggling, that he learned to moderately quell his ‘I do what I want, when I want’ attitude. He eventually joined the gang, going through the initiation at 18.

He has been with the Fausts for going on 20 years now. He started out working mainly down at the port helping with loading and unloading shipments, although nowadays, his days as a mere longshoreman were pretty much over.

Sure, he was still heavily involved in the Fausts’ smuggling business, but he is mainly focused on gunsmithing for the Fausts and also selling his work on the black market. 

He designs and hand-crafts all of his guns, and he also does gun repairs and makes custom modifications to them. Most, if not all, of the work he does is extremely illegal.

Conrad learned how to make guns from his uncle, Patrick, who had been an engineer and gunsmith for 40-odd years, having owned his own smithy and artillery repair shop.

Even though Conrad more or less mentored under his uncle when it came to learning the art of craft of firearms, that wasn’t to say that the old man himself was by any means a kind and gentle soul. Patrick Harker was very much an old school 'tough love' kind of guy, who was beyond strict and had no qualms with throwing fists and verbal punches and generally using a heavy hand whenever it came to dealing with his unruly nephew. Patrick had high expectations for Conrad, he saw the potential the young man had and refused to let him get away unpunished with his shitty behavior. He might not have gone about it the best way, but his intentions had certainly been good.

Despite Uncle Patrick’s rough handling and borderline abusive tendencies, Conrad eventually learned to greatly respect and appreciate the old man. He came to realize just how much the man actually cared for him - which turned out to be a lot more than his mother did...and that meant something.

Throughout his early and mid-20′s, Conrad spent most of his time working, honing his craft and of course charming his way through women. 

He was a serial romantic - he loved and laid with more women than he could ever care to admit; the idea of settling down and actually committing to a single person for the rest of his life was something he truly abhorred.

That is, until he met his now estranged wife. He met her while at Faust party and there was just something about her that had him utterly smitten and forgetting all his previous reservations on relationships and long term commitments. The two got married within a year and a half and started a family of their own immediately.

Of course, it didn’t taken them long after their wedding to realize their relationship was perhaps not as healthy and happy as it should have been. Their lust blinded them from seeing just how incompatible they were for each other. With his still lingering attachment issues and terrible temper and her own stubborn and hotheadedness, their fights were often quite explosive. They loved each other, that much was obvious - and their attraction for the other was still intense and unmatched - but their clashing personalities were too volatile.

It was after the birth of their second and last child, Cora, that they finally called it quits. That was three years ago.

- W A N T E D   C O N N E C T I O N S -

Toxic Estranged Wife (and casual hookup) - They’ve been separated or two and a half years. They have a strong love/hate relationship - their fights are often very intense and loud and leave the two of them extremely hurt and angry, and yet it usually ends with them in bed together somehow. Angry sex, passional sex, lust-filled. They do love each other, but at the end of the day their relationship was fueled more by their lust than any other actual feelings. It was definitely not healthy, and so for their children’s sake and also for themselves, they decided to separate. Still married for the time being, but no longer living together.

Younger Sisters / brother - Conrad has three sisters and one younger brother. Two of his sisters (the oldest two - between the ages of 32-35) came with him to Chicago when he was 14, while the youngest sister and his brother (between the ages of 24-28) never left England. Conrad is very close with the first two, but has no real relationship with the youngest siblings.

Flings / One-Nighters

Love Interest(s)

Faust Affiliates 

Rival Gang / Enemies

Drinking Buddies

Best Friends / Friends

ANY AND ALL CONNECTIONS! I’m open and down to do whatever!

[docholligay]

The Time Traveler’s Bullshit

@katrani comissioned me to write out my full review of The Time Traverler’s Wife, my most hated book of the year thus far, and I feel like it won’t be dethroned. nearly 3,000 words and I skipped a whole section I was going to write about, ENJOY

Three dollars and ninety nine cents will buy you a Big Mac. It will buy you four hours of downtown parking in my city. Three dollars and ninety-nine cents will buy you a latte made with burnt coffee at Starbucks. For Three dollars and ninety-nine cents, I can get a can of terrible beer and have a dollar left over for tip. All of which would have been a better choice than what I ultimately spent that three dollars and ninety-nine cents on, which was this book. 

I am careful to read hyped books out of their time, so that I’m not influenced by something that has been so lauded no book could ever hope to reach those heights. So when this first came around, and I saw many women talking about how much they had loved it, I figured I would just read it later. I buy books used, so this is generally what I do even outside of worrying about being affected. 

I finally picked this book up after a reader of mine told me it reminded them of my writing. 

After reading it, several years after all the hype, I have one question: Are women who fuck men okay? 

(“Why not just straight women, Doc?” you may rightly ask me, and I, unfortunately, am forced to answer that I know a number of bisexual women who also enjoyed this book, leading me to believe that the trouble is far worse than previously imagined.)

I found this book to be borderline insulting, and if I didn’t know any better, I would have claimed this book was written by a man. The entire way through I felt the constant assault of the idea that this reminded someone of ME. What have I been doing wrong all my life, I asked? I should probably give up writing. 

Let’s go into the book itself!

The core of the novel hinges around the idea that Henry goes through time without wanting to and with no consious conrol, and so in a sense lives his life out of order. This is a fascinating idea but for the fact that book’s main hinge is the relationship between Clare and Henry. 

Who Henry meets, as an adult out of time, when she is six. 

And proceeds to groom her to be his wife someday. 

Oh, it isn’t put that way, of course, it’s simply that they end up married and so, I suppose the author might say, it’s only natural that Henry interact with her when he comes the “the Meadow” nearby where she lives. But this sort of “things are already decided” that the author is extremely fond of does not remove this intensely squicky framework from their relationship. Henry begins with Clare when she is six years old, and it comes on VERY fast that they are supposed to get married. She is at a sleepover, still as a literal child, ELEVEN YEARS OLD, when the Ouija board spells out his name as the boy who likes her. 

The book takes pains to describe how he won;t have sex with her until she’s 18, but how difficult it is for a thirties to forties man not to have sex with her when she’s 15, 16, 17. I want to say there might be a part where he describes it when she’s 14, but I can’t find it in the book right now, so we’ll pretend it’s not there. “But they’re married in the furute!” one might say, listen if my wife had to resist having sex with sixteen year old me, and didn’t see me as a fucking child, I would think she was gross. It’s gross for a thirty-something to forty -something dde to struggle not to fuck a teenager, period, end of story. 

All of this is wrapped in the book’s idea that this is romantic, instead of the idea that Clare’s “date with destiny” is tragic. She doesn’t ever have a boyfriend, because she is “waiting for Henry”. She sleeps with one of Henry’s friends before he and Clare ever officially “meet” and bursts into tears because she feels as if she has been unfaithful. Meanwhile, Henry is out having girlfriends like no one’s business, and “Well Doc he doesn’t know” why is Clare the one who has to bear this arranged marriage? 

Clare herself even alludes to the way she’s being groomed to be the woman he wants in a way that I DO NOT THINK the author intended, as the author is desperately wrapped up in the idea that this is sexy and romantic and not deeply fucking unsettling. 

Pretentious-ass Henry is dropping German into a casual conversation with a thirteen year old so that you know he is learned and cool, and explain that it’s from Rilke, one of their (note: Not your, but OUR) favorite poets. 

Clare responds: “You’re doing it again!” 

“What?” 

“Telling me what I like.” Clare burrows into my lap with her feet. Without thinking I put my feet on her shoulders, but then that seems too sexual, somehow, and I quickly take Clare’s feet in my hands again and hold them together with one hand in the air as she lies on her back, innocent and angelic with her hair spread nimbus-like around her on the blanket. (Sidebar: I can only fucking imagine that the sort of people that are into this are the sort of people who think nothing at the idea of some Victorian gentleman marrying his attractive young ward, as apparently there’s no problem with having seen someone as a child and then having them marry you! It’s not deeply fucked up at all!)  …..

“Henry?” 

“Yes?”

“You are making me different.” 

“I know.” 

These brief asides are meant to make us feel that Henry has done enough to assuage his guilt, that we are meant to forget that what he is doing is wrong. The book goes so far as to have sixteen year old Clare be the aggressor with a 37 or so year old Henry, as a way of trying to tell us, “Oh look none of this can be Henry’s fault” and an absolutely cringeworthy section where Henry goes and beats up a kid who took Clare on a date and proceeded to assault her. (She dates him to prove she’s not a dyke wow what a great book and thank you for reminding us that Clare never wants to see anyone else for her own sake even as a teenager, very healthy)

All of which would make me a hell of a lot more mad if I managed to like Clare even a little bit. But it’s not at all surprising that I don't--Clare is hardly a character in this story so much as she’s a cardboard cutout that exists for Henry. 

Each of her desires and thoughts revolves around him, from the time she’s a child, save for minor pouting incidents when Henry either won’t tell her something, or disagrees with her. But she always caves, but for the exception of having a child, another horrible thing we’re meant to feel sorry for them in, but I, at least, never really do, as they know the problem, they know how horribly Henry’s life has been affected, and yet they persevere. I find myself asking why in the fuck they don’t use donor sperm, but I suppose that would not fulfill Clare’s real use as being Henry’s vessel. It might have been very touching to write about their experience of infertility if they were likeable at all, or the chapters were anything but flat and emotionless despite dealing with really high-emotion topics. It’s essentially Clare saying “I want a baby inside me” and having a series of miscarriages. I’ve read more compelling narratives on online message boards. 

Not to mention when Henry suggests adopting and Clare says “That would be pretending” bitch fuck ALL THE WAY OFF. I repeat: WE ARE MEANT TO LIKE THIS CHARACTER. NOTHING ABOUT HER IS SHOWN AS A NEGATIVE. 

A fair amount of time in the book is spent describing how hot Clare is, and it’s a bit cringey to read about a super hot redhead with great tits and also rich, who’s a visual artist, and then flip to the back and see a redheaded visual artist as the author. It’s not that I don’t believe that authors are ever allowed to find themselves in a character, quite the contrary, but one hopes that there would be a level of detachment or at least plausible deniability. But no, Clare is nothing but wish fulfillment for the author, but unfortunately cannot fulfill any of ours. I get the sense that these characters are far more complex and layered in Niffenegger’s head, but they fall completely flat on the page, sketches of annoying human beings. 

Clare seems to have been raised in an Austen novel, where the home is noted for its architecture and we ‘dress for dinner’ which could be intensely compelling if they ever went anywhere with it. But we don’t. Because of course Clare’s raising in a straightlaced, extremely wealthy family has no affect on her and she is a very cool girl who is laid back and likes the right music and poetry. (Sidebar: The name dropping in this novel is SO TIRESOME. Every band, artist, poet, etc has to be named and identified so your are aware of how absolutely well-read and smart and cool Niffenegger is) 

The we’re meant to feel for Henry when her family finds out that he is half-Jewish which I suppose is meant to be shocking when he doesn’t practice or isn’t different in any marked way from her family? The character has no Jewishness in him but as a side note and dare I say for shock value. Her family isn’t even written as believably against the union, as no one can resist super cool hipster protag Henry DeTamble (Even his name sounds INSUFFERABLE) 

The problem, of course, is that the very wealthy can buy their way out of many problems, meaning that an author has to have a particular deftness of hand in order to make you feel something for them. This is not that author. Any sympathy one might have for Clare goes immediately out the window when she’s complaining about having only a small room for a studio in which to create, while she’s living off the INTEREST from her trust fund, and hiring a cleaning service because neither of them is willing to vacuum. Not her trust fund. The INTEREST from her trust fund, which means there must be so much fucking money in there we all want to scream. 

Of course, Henry goes into the future and wins the lottery so they can give her a new studio, I shit you not this is a thing that happens in a novel where we are supposedly meant to identify with the characters and feel for them. They buy a nice house with a separate studio in the backyard, not even in the house, just a large brick edifice where Clare can do whatever she wants because these people don’t have consequences until Henry’s death, and by the time he dies, we’re all thanking God that at least there’s one thing they can’t weasel out of. The book has the audacity to have them, later, describe having a private box as one of their “little indulgences” friends a private box is the realm of $1,800 dollars for ONE showing of an opera, and while I am a believer in the good of occasionally saving up to do something that is an experience, there is no way I would describe that as an ‘indulgence” but these people have such wealth that they never need worry about anything at all, except the central point, which is that Henry drifts in and out of time and we would like to sentence a child to that. 

Henry himself is a collection of traits rather than a person--it is so important to the author that we know he is a real punk with great musical taste, that he knows German and poetry and Chicago--it’s all rather a laundry list of the long-haired, tall, punkish but very classically learned boyfriend Niffenegger would like to have rather than someone who has a heart or a mind.  But the luck of it all is that she clearly cares about henry far more than she does Clare, and so he gets a bit of fleshing out with a tragic anime backstory and all that, and from time to time we see bursts of real humanity in his character. 

Their love, even if it were not burdened by the exceptional trouble of CLARE BEING GROOMED AS A CHILD, has the weight of air. Henry is a womanizer with a drug problem, but then he meets Clare, hot rich redhead who proves she’s known him her whole life, and suddenly the magic swelling violins are in the background, love has found its day, and no more is ever said about it.The book refuses to get anywhere deep into how they feel about things and why, it is only glancing blows that seem to suggest an emotion rather than allowing ourselves to get into their minds.  

The bulk of the description of their love is sex. Sex sex sex. I get it, they are hot for each other, I am trying very hard to get over the fact that they are married when Clare is 22 and Henry is thirty, but you’re giving me nothing to pin their relationship on but the fact that they enjoy railing each other and Henry has been around since Clare was a child. I don’t understand the why of their relationship even once, it all seems so accidental, and I wanted there to be a lesson, or something to be said about humanity and relationships, but I found nothing save for maybe the idea that women are fully engrossed in their relationships and men basically luck into them and then drop out from time to time? But even that is far far deeper than I think the novel deserves credit for. 

The side characters are somehow worse, mainly racist stereotypes or one note characters who ALSO exist to have their lives enhanced by the protagonists. Even their friends only exist so that Gomez can have the hots for Clare for years, because Everyone Wants To Bone Clare. 

The writing itself is terrible too, written in the style of a script, almost, rapidly shifting between first person narratives in a matter of one or two paragraphs, often, helpfully telling who is talking by, I shit you not, putting “CLARE:” or “HENRY:” before the paragraphs, so we can enjoy who it is that is navel gazing and picking over the conversation without saying anything really, save for how badly Henry wants to fuck his super hot wife, who may or may not currently be a teenager, and how desperately Clare loves him, and has loved him since she was a child, for reasons that remain unclear. 

It’s padded out and ridiculous and reads like some of the drafts when I am being a complete garbage pile, and thank you to the person online who had already typed this out so I didn’t have to:

Henry:

Clare is wearing a wine-colored velvet dress and pearls. She looks like a Botticelli by way of John Graham: huge gray eyes, long nose, tiny delicate mouth like a geisha. She has long red hair that covers her shoulders and falls to the middle of her back. Clare is so pale she looks like a waxwork in the candlelight. I thrust the roses at her. "For you."

Please try to read that with a straight face and get back to me, i could not manage it, and it was early on the book, and this sort of thing goes on for pages, if you don’t like hearing about how pale Clare is, and that she has red hair, her two most dominating character traits, you are in for a very, very rough time. 

The narrative voice of the characters is identical. I mean, I suppose I should thank whatever god is responsible for this clusterfuck for the CLARE and HENRY bits because otherwise I would have no clue who was talking from moment to moment. Does NIffenegger think all people think alike? That their internal monologues are the same? It seems to me she must because I can’t figure any other way that one could write two characters and have them, even when their opinions differ, sound like the exact same person. 

I did enjoy the letter at the end of this story--and this is where I saw where my reader connected me to this book--it almost seems as if it was written for a different novel, a novel about a doomed love between two people that truly loved each other and had rich inner lives. It’s beautiful, or it would be totally removed from this novel. 

This review has, in itself, gotten to be as rambling and listing as the novel, and so I will let it rest here. I read incredibly fast. This took me something like five or six hours to read. It was a waste of every single one of those hours and I wish I had gotten a Big Mac instead. Save yourself, save six hours, save three dollars and ninety-nine cents, and read literally anything else. 

[nerianasims]

Billboard #1s 1981

Under the cut.

Blondie -- "The Tide Is High" - January 31, 1981

I have problems trying to figure out what to say about Blondie. This song is reggae-ish, as it's a cover of a 1967 rocksteady song. The song itself is really good, and Blondie do interesting things with it without changing it much or being disrespectful. Of course, it has a lot more icy determination and a lot less vulnerability than the original, because Debbie Harry. It's enjoyable, but now that I've heard the original, I prefer that one. Nothing against Debbie Harry, but I usually prefer more warmth in music, especially when it comes to love songs.

Kool & The Gang -- "Celebration" -- February 7, 1981

I've heard this song way too much, and it's not a song that particularly rewards hundreds of listens. It's a good party song and all, but I'm never going to listen to it again if I have a choice.

Dolly Parton -- "Nine to Five" -- February 21, 1981

Having a steady 9 to 5 job that makes you a living sounds like a dream in the gig economy. But it did suck. They had no idea how much worse things would get, though. It's still a rich man's game, and you spend your life putting money in his wallet. As it's been since Babylon at least. This is a really good song, and the music is upbeat, and Dolly Parton is a world treasure, but my current 2020 mood means it depresses me too.

Eddie Rabbitt -- "I Love A Rainy Night" -- February 28, 1981

I'm trying to remember all the songs about rain I can. There's "Here Comes the Rain Again", "Purple Rain", "November Rain", "It's Raining Men", "Have You Ever Seen the Rain", "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head", "Rainy Days and Mondays", "Set Fire to the Rain" -- they're always about something else. Rain sets the stage, or it's a metaphor. This song is more like "Laughter in the Rain," which is simply about enjoying walking in the rain with someone you love and nothing more. But this is even less than that. He loves a rainy night. That's it and all and entire. And he is going to tell you he loves a rainy night 24 times. I counted. There's no musical variation either. That's the bulk of the song. Other than that, he loves lightning and thunder. It's no wonder I'd never heard this song before, because it is deadly dull.

REO Speedwagon -- "Keep On Loving You" -- March 21, 1981

It was the thing to denigrate 80s power ballads when I was a teenager because we'd had more than enough of them as children, thank you very much. We'd had more than enough of the 80s generally (they sucked, actually, no matter what those day-glo colors tell you. Reagan was an atrocity.) But power ballads didn't deserve the ire, and so they've been embraced again. This is one of the classics. It's about the narrator -- and the singer Kevin Cronan, in reality -- forgiving his wife for cheating on him. I didn't know that until now, because I never really listened to the song. It's far from my favorite power ballad, as how hard Kevin Cronan hits the consonants bugs me. Yeah, I'm from Michigan, I say "r"s like a pirate too, but not to that extreme.

Blondie -- "Rapture" -- March 28, 1981

Debbie Harry sort of raps on this. I dunno, I'm too distracted by the lyrics. The singing part makes sense, as it's about dancing causing rapture. But then the rap (?) part starts. "And you drive all night and then you see a light/ And it comes right down and lands on the ground/ And out comes a man from Mars/ And you try to run but he's got a gun/ And he shoots you dead and he eats your head/ And then you're in the man from Mars/ You go out at night, eatin' cars." It goes on like that. They're some of the weirdest lyrics I've ever seen, and I was a teenager in the Beck "Loser" era. They're probably supposed to just be weird, but... what? That's my opinion on this song.

Daryl Hall and John Oates -- "Kiss On My List" -- April 11, 1981

This is another 80s song I've heard a ton but never really listened to the lyrics. It is a love song, but I'm not quite sure what the narrator's getting at. "If you want to know/ What the reason is I'll only smile when I lie/ Then I'll tell you why." He says it's because your kiss is on his list, and he misses it when he turns out the light. He also seems to be hiding you from his friends. Is he cheating with you? Or maybe he's not with you but wants to be? I don't know, and I'm putting too much thought into what's really a slight but enjoyable pop song.

Sheena Easton -- "Morning Train (Nine to Five)" -- May 2, 1981

What a boring, repetitive beat. This is the opposite of Dolly Parton's "Nine to Five." The narrator in this one stays home while her husband goes to work on the morning train. The whole day, all she does is sit around thinking about him. Nothing else at all. I've nothing against one partner staying at home while the other goes out to work -- I'd be a hypocrite if so, because that's what I do. But I do have something against pretending any woman's brain is so utterly empty that literally all she can think about is her husband. She's not even trying to make a nice home or anything. She apparently just sits around obsessing over her husband. Maybe they've been married for two days, but even so. Also Sheena Easton doesn't hit the high notes she goes for, so that was an unpleasant nails on a chalkboard surprise. Terrible song.

Kim Carnes -- "Bette Davis Eyes" -- May 16, 1981

I love Bette Davis. I do not like this song. In fact, I hate this song. It's Kim Carnes' voice. She sounds like she's been smoking 3 cigars a day for 40 years. Worse, the way she chooses to sing is completely off the rails. She sounds like a cartoon character. I like Jackie DeShannon's original. I can't stand this version.

Stars on 45 -- "Stars on 45" -- June 20, 1981

Baby Boomer nostalgia is the most powerful force in the universe. Which doesn't mean all, or most, baby boomers are drowning in nostalgia, but the ones who are (like my father) are sure a profitable demographic. This "song" is a medley of a bunch of hits to make them go "I recognized it so I clapped." Incredibly bad.

Air Supply -- "The One That You Love" -- July 25, 1981

It's an almost power ballad song that sounds vaguely Broadway-ish, or would if Russell Hitchcock were a good singer. He's about as good a singer as me, except with a weaker voice. That is not good. He doesn't give me a headache or anything, and he does manage to hit the notes right (barely) and to put emotion into his voice, but the guys who sang the leads in our musicals in high school were better. Anyway, he's trying to get his lover not to break up with him, insisting over and over that he's "the one that you love." The lyrics aren't exactly great, but they're not horrible either. But this guy does not have a strong enough voice for power ballads. Yet again, I am wondering what Barry Manilow would have done with this.

Rick Springfield -- "Jessie's Girl" -- August 1, 1981

I remember people going kinda nuts for "Jessie's Girl" some years back, and being like... really? It's fine, but nothing special. He can't even seem to remember the name of the girl he wants. I dunno, whatever, I have no real problems with it, and it does have a nice beat, but it comes and goes without making an impression on me.

Diana Ross & Lionel Richie -- "Endless Love" -- August 15, 1981

Drowning in glop, send help.

Christopher Cross -- "Arthur's Theme (Best That You Can Do)" -- October 17, 1981

The movie Arthur is rom-com about a man who was born rich, has never grown up, has never faced any consequences, and treats women like garbage. Fuck aaaalllll the way off. We have reason to be particularly intolerant of this stuff nowadays, and we never should have tolerated it. Romance novelists are smart enough to give their rich heroes some trauma in their pasts, and nowadays the heroes rarely treat women badly either (Christian Grey being an exception. And even he at least has a tortured soul.) The song basically lays out the main character's personality, or lack thereof. There is the neat line, "When you get caught between the moon and New York City." And I woke up with that line -- and nothing else from the song -- in my head, so I can understand why it became a hit. But if I want a movie about the moon and New York City, I'll take Moonstruck.

Daryl Hall & John Oates -- "Private Eyes" -- November 7, 1981

This sounds like Scientology's theme song. Except the "private eyes" are metaphorical. He means he can tell you're hurting even when you try to hide it. "Why you try to put up a front for me/ I'm a spy but on your side, you see." Still, boundaries dude. It's musically fun enough, but the lyrics... eh...

Olivia Newton-John -- "Physical" -- November 21, 1981

This is an aerobics song. Technically it's supposed to be about sex, but Newton-John's in aerobics gear on the single cover, the music video is at a gym, and the beat is for exercising to. Not even dancing. It's not seductive in the slightest. Aerobics in the 80s led to a lot of hip replacements in the 00s. As a song, all I hear is background music for a workout, so... yeah, not interested.

BEST OF 1981 -- "Nine to Five" by Dolly Parton. WORST OF 1981 -- "Stars on 45" by Stars on 45

[bee-kathony]

The Oath | Ch. 26 “The Whole Truth”

a/n: finally!!! I feel like it’s taken ages to get here, but it’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for! thank you @lcbeauchampoftarth for all the lovely beta work she has helped me with! Only 4 more chapter to go xoxo

Arc I | Ch. 16 | Ch. 17 | Ch. 18 | Ch. 19 | Ch. 20 | Ch. 21 | Ch. 22 | Ch. 23 | Ch. 24 | Ch. 25

January 15th, 2020

It felt like any normal morning. The sun was shining in the room, the birds were chirping — it was almost idyllic. Jamie’s arm was laying across Claire’s stomach, pinning her to the bed so she couldn’t move. She turned her head to look at him, breathing softly with his head pressed against the pillow, red curls fanning out against the stark white of the sheets.

It felt like a normal morning, but it wasn’t. Today was January 15th… the day they went to court. Hopefully, within a few hours, Frank Randall would be sentenced to time in prison and Hawkins Laboratory would be shut down.

Claire had woken up a few minutes before her alarm, and she sighed, knowing soon that she would have to start the day. She was certain they would win the trial, but the last face she wanted to see today was Frank’s.

The only face she did want to see was lightly snoring an inch away from her. She slowly ran her fingertips across his forehead, brushing away a few curls. He stirred, his eyelids fluttering.

“Mornin’, Sassenach,” he grumbled and yawned.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” she smiled and kissed the tip of his nose. “I was enjoying watching you sleep.”

“Were ye?” He grinned, his eyes still closed.

Claire took a hold of his cheeks with one hand and squeezed lightly, making his lips stick out. “I was,” she grinned and kissed him. Jamie’s arms came around her, and he rolled them so she was laying across him.

“I ken that today is verra important, a nighean, but I want nothin’ more than to lie here wi’ ye in my arms,” Jamie sighed and held her tight on top of him.

“I want that too,” Claire laughed as he tickled her sides. Her legs kicked out against him and she buried her face into the curve of his neck. “But if you don’t stop…” she wheezed, “tickling me — I will leave this bed immediately!’

“Who says I’ll let ye go?” Jamie laughed and wrapped his arms tighter around her, digging his fingers into her side and slid them down over her arse.

Claire laughed wiggled her hips against him, feeling him harden underneath her. “Shouldn’t we be preparing for the trial?”

Jamie moved one hand up her body, resting it on her cheek, “We are, Sassenach. Don’t ye ken that sex is good exercise and will help wake ye up?”

“Is that what all the doctors say?” She smirked.

“That’s what my doctor says,” Jamie grinned and rolled them onto their side. “She told me it was very beneficial to start yer day wi’ havin’ sex wi’ yer almost wife.”

“I’ll have to meet this doctor sometime, check her credentials,” Claire smiled, all while sliding her leg in between Jamie’s thighs. Last night, they had fallen asleep quickly after undressing each other slowly. They both knew that they should be tired and wanting nothing but sleep since they had an almost four month old baby in the house. But every time they were in bed with one another, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other, like horny teenagers.

“I’d like for ye to meet her,” Jamie adjusted Claire’s hip and reached between their bodies to take hold of his cock. “Maybe she could join us sometime.”

“Jamie!” Claire laughed and put her hand on his chest. “The doctor you’re talking about is me right? So you’re suggesting we have a threesome… with me?”

“If only there were two of ye, a nighean,” Jamie smoothed the curls back from her face. “I think I truly would die. There would be so much of ye to love,” he cupped her arse, squeezing the plump flesh.

“Is that what you think about?” Claire said softly and rolled her hips, feeling the tip of him slide against her entrance. “Two of me and one of you?”

“Sometimes,” he groaned, his eyes shutting briefly as Claire’s hips did sinful things.

“I don’t think you could handle two of me,” Claire said confidently and placed one hand on Jamie’s flank, pulling him into her and they both hissed at the contact.

“Yer probably right, Sassenach,” Jamie’s laugh faded into a moan as he began to thrust into her. Their bodies were pressed together, leaving no room — not even for air. They clung to each another, desperate to be one.

“God… Jamie,” Claire sighed, her mouth pressing sloppy wet kisses against his chest. His hands worked in tandem, one squeezing her arse and the other sliding against her slick folds where they connected.

In three more thrusts, Jamie spilled into her and soon he felt her clench down around him. They stayed wrapped around each other for several moments, each coming down off their high — their mountain.

It was in these moments, the “mountain” moments that life was nearly perfect. When Claire was with Jamie, everything stopped and she could breathe. When she held their daughter in her arms, she was blissfully happy.

But with every mountain, there was a nearby valley. A moment when everything felt so low, that there seemed no way out — no escape. Jamie and Claire had their fair share of mountain moments and today… they would be heading into the valley, facing their biggest fear and worry yet.

++++++

“Ye look good, verra professional.” Jamie commented on Claire’s outfit for the second time that morning. She had chosen a dark green skirt and cream silk blouse. Her hair was pinned meticulously up on her head, and she was wearing her best heels.

Jenny had arrived to watch Madeline just ten minutes before they needed to leave, and now they were sitting in the courthouse with Ned, waiting to be called in. He wouldn’t admit it, but Jamie was nervous. His fingers twitched and tapped against his thigh.

“It’ll be fine,” Claire said as she noticed his tapping and reached over to squeeze his fingers. He glanced at her and his lip flicked up momentarily before falling back into a worried line. This was a day they both never thought would come, but it was necessary to protect their family.

“How long do ye think this will last, Ned?” Jamie asked the smaller man.

“Oh, no more than an hour or so. Our evidence is pretty straightforward and I’m no too sure what Mr. Randall will have to hold against ye,” he said.

“I honestly don’t understand why Frank is going to such lengths,” Claire said through gritted teeth. “It’s so frustrating! He has never even laid eyes on Madeline, why does he want joint-custody of her so badly?”

“Because he wants a piece of ye, Sassenach.” Jamie said, his eyes soft on her. “I’m no sayin’ I would do what he’s done, not at all. But I think he canna let ye go, and this is the only way he kens how to keep a part of ye for himself. It’s a foolish thing to do, but — I maybe understand.”

“A piece of me?” Claire repeated. “If he wanted a piece of me, then he shouldn’t have cheated on me with another woman! Then he would have had the whole damn piece!” She threw her hands up in the air, annoyed with men and their backwards way of thinking.

“I didna say Frank was a smart man, Sassenach,” Jamie smirked. “Far from it, actually. He may have his other reasons for wantin’ joint-custody and forging the test, reasons I’m sure he’ll either tell us in there or keep to himself.”

“I highly doubt he will tell us the whole truth and nothing but the truth,” Claire scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Lying is what Frank Randall does best,” she said and crossed her arms.

Claire heart Jamie snicker beside her and she looked over at him to see him smiling.

“What are you so happy about?”

“Och, tis nothing,” he grinned.

“No, tell me,” she poked his arm.

“Ye just look so damn cute when yer cross, mo nighean donn,” Jamie slid his arm around her shoulder, pulling her in for a kiss. “I like it when yer eyebrows knit together right there,” he tapped on her forehead.

“You only like it because I’m not cross with you!” She pointed her finger at his chest.

“Aye, true,” he laughed. “And I find ye cute no matter what expression crosses that bonny wee face of yers.”

Jamie kissed her again and she laid her head to rest on his shoulder. They had left Madeline at home, away from all this drama, but now, Claire was wishing she had their daughter to hold and hug.

It was another twenty minutes before they heard their names being called and together, they all made their way into the courtroom. Ned walked up to the table on the left and sat down, immediately opening his briefcase with all their evidence. Claire and Jamie sat next to him, sitting up straight and trying to appear calm. Mary Hawkins was sitting just two rows behind them, awaiting the time to be called as their witness.

As Claire turned to look around the room, she spotted Frank and his lawyer walking in. The sight of him gave her chills. The last time she had seen him was when Jamie beat him within an inch of his life. And besides their phone conversation just days after receiving the fake paternity test in the mail, they hadn’t spoken since.

Frank had a charming face, one that was inviting and warm. She had fallen in love with that face, and had spent many afternoons caressing his cheeks and smoothing out the lines on his cheeks. He met her eye and one side of his mouth turned up, a look of steely determination staring back at her. Whatever Claire had felt for this man — all that sentiment was long gone.

A minute later, the judge came into the room and they all rose from their seats.

“Please be seated,” the judge said and the sound of chairs being pushed back filled the room.

It felt like hours before he spoke. Claire began to nervously tap her foot, her heel clicking against the tile floor.

“Good afternoon everyone,” the judge said. “Today, we are here for the case of Fraser versus Randall to determine the legitimacy of a paternity test. We are also here for the case of Fraser versus Hawkins Laboratory. It is my understanding that both of these cases coincide and have a direct relation. Here today are James Fraser and his fiancé, Frank Randall, and Silas Hawkins from Hawkins Labratory.”

The judge looked at something in front of him, and then looked first at Claire and Jamie, and then over to Frank and his lawyer.

“I will allow both parties to make opening statements. We will have the prosecution up on the stand first, followed by the defendant,” the judge said and motioned his hand for Claire or Jamie to take the stand. Only one of them needed to go up for now to state their case, and they had decided before hand that it would be Jamie.

He squeezed Claire’s hand, and rose from his seat. A wave of calm washed over him — this was the time for the truth to come out. Placing his hand over the Bible, Jamie said the oath.

“I swear by Almighty God that the evidence I shall give shall be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.”

The judge nodded his head at Jamie and told him to take the stand.

“Please present your case, Mr. Fraser.”

Jamie began from the beginning — the night he met Claire. He told the courtroom how it wasn’t until months later that he found out that Claire was with child, but from that moment, he became involved in her and the child’s life.

“Even if the child wasna mine, I promised that I would love her no matter what and protect her from harm,” Jamie said. “I had to protect her from this man right here, Frank Randall, when he tried to attack Claire and demand she go with him from her home.”

Claire noticed Frank shift uncomfortably in his seat, but Jamie continued with the unfolding of events.

“When we received the results of the paternity test, I was crushed. The results said that I wasn’t Madeline’s father, and it was something I didn’t think possible. Ye see, our daughter has red hair just like mine, and she has my smile and eyes. Anyone who sees her, remarks on our similarities.”

Jamie smiled as he thought of his daughter, the very essence of him — all the best things.

“It’s because of those similarities that Claire and I decided to find another laboratory and only have me tested. We thought maybe there was some mistake and things were switched up by accident at Hawkins Lab,” he said. “Several days later we received the results stating that I was the father of Madeline Fraser.”

Muttering could be heard around the few people in the room, and the judge banged his gavel, “Silence,” he said loudly and then motioned for Jamie to continue.

“That’s when we knew that Mr. Randall had forged the first paternity test and had the help of Hawkins Laboratory in doing so. We’re here today to put an end to this once and for all. Madeline Fraser is my daughter by blood, and I intend to use my rights as her father to protect her.”

As Jamie finished, Claire dared a glance over at Frank. He was sitting up straight, his arms crossed over his chest with a stern look on his face. She was hoping he was kicking himself for forgetting the small detail of how Madeline would resembler her actual father.

“You may take your seat, Mr. Fraser,” the judge said and Jamie stood and joined Claire. He leaned over and kissed her cheek, and took her hand in his. He was shaking slightly, from nerves or anger, Claire didn’t know.

“We will now have the defendant, Mr. Frank Randall to the stand, please come forward.”

Frank rose, an almost smug look on his face — of course, for show. When he approached the bench, he took the same oath that Jamie did and then his seat.

“Mr. Randall, you are being charged with forgery of documents and sexual harassment of a one Mary Hawkins who we have present today with us. Please state your case when you’re ready,” the judge motioned for Frank to begin.

Claire kept her eyes focused on him, daring him to lie one more time under oath. No matter what he said, he was ruined — the new paternity test they had confirmed he had lied.

He cleared his throat and began his side of things.

“What Mr. Fraser neglected to tell the court today about why we were both tested for the paternity of Madeline, is that Claire Beauchamp had sexual relations with myself and then not even twenty-four hours later with Mr. Fraser,” Frank said.

“So, you can see why I would want a paternity test done, and I was the one that requested it in the first place. As to these claims of forgery, who’s to say that Claire and Jamie didn’t forge the second paternity test?” He scoffed.

“Moving on to the second claim made against me, sexual harassment,” he cleared his throat and rolled his eyes slightly. “I object to any such claims.”

Bold move, bastard.

“Final statements, Mr. Randall,” the judge said.

“As Mr. Fraser said in his testimony, he had to protect Claire from me… by using his fists. I have my hospital bill from the night of the event a few nearly six months ago. Granted, I was a little under the drink, but he left me bloody and beaten to a pulp.”

Jamie tensed beside Claire, and she wrapped her hand around his arm. He met her eye and then looked over at Frank. They knew one day that night would come back to haunt them. It was true, Jamie had beaten Frank very badly, it had scared Claire half to death.

“I think I’ve said all I need to for now,” Frank finished and rose from his chair to join his lawyer.

“Now that we’ve heard from both the prosecution and the defendant, we’ll take a ten minute recess and then we’ll call the witnesses to the stand,” the judge said and banged his gavel.

Frank was first to move and he walked out of the room, followed by his lawyer, sparing no glance at either Jamie or Claire. Laying her head briefly on his shoulder, Claire sighed and closed her eyes. The worst of it was over, now all that was left was for Mary to speak on the stand and for the judge to decide.

“Ye did well, lad,” Ned smiled proudly and gave him a pat on the back.

“You really did, babe,” Claire smiled and kissed him. “We know that Frank is lying about the sexual harassment charges. Mary will tell her side of things and clear that up. And she can provide proof that he made her forge the documents.”

“I really dinna ken why he’s so bent on sticking to his story,” Jamie shook his head. “Does he really think he can win?”

“I suppose so,” Claire shrugged. “I always thought he was a smart man, but maybe now… he’s trapped in a web of his own lies.”

“Trapped indeed, Sassenach,” Jamie grumbled. “I need some water, I’ll be back.”

He left her, and Claire turned in her seat to find that Mary had moved up to sit directly behind them.

“Are you ready, Mary? You still want to do this?” Claire asked.

“Y-yes,” the girl nodded. “After hearing him lie about what he did t-to me, I have to tell the truth.”

“You’re a very brave girl,” Claire smiled. “I can’t possibly thank you enough.”

“You can thank me by letting me babysit for Madeline sometime,” Mary smiled. “She’s the cutest little girl I’ve ever seen!”

“Of course,” Claire grinned. “She seemed to like you the other day.”

A moment later, Jamie rejoined them and the judge took the stand once again. Ned rose from his seat, and said, “The prosecution calls Mary Hawkins to the stand.”

The young girl stood and walked slowly up to the stand to take the oath. She was a stick of a thing, and reminded Claire of a small bird. Now, it was Ned’s turn to question her and he approached the stand.

“Miss Mary,” he smiled kindly towards her. “Can you please tell the court what happened on November 6th, 2019?”

She nodded and began to tell the room everything she had told Jamie and Claire just weeks ago. The horrible details about how Frank pushed her against the wall, threatening to do worse if she didn’t comply. Hearing the story again made Claire’s stomach twist in knots and she would have given anything to be able to punch Frank, but this wasn’t the time nor place.

“And it’s your family that owns the laboratory where the test was done, is that correct Miss Hawkins?” Ned asked and Mary said yes it was.

“And not only does your family own the laboratory, but you are engaged to be married to Mr. Randall’s youngest brother Alexander?”

“Yes,” Mary said.

Claire looked over at Frank who was now fidgeting in his seat. It appears he hadn’t expected for Mary to be so forthcoming with the truth. Blood is thicker than water, that’s for sure, but when your own family threatens you and sets to ruin the lives of others… you do what you must.

“So as ye can see, your honor,” Ned said. “Mary Hawkins was threatened wi’ rape by Frank Randall so that she would forge the documents of the paternity test. Is there anythin’ ye’d like to add Miss Hawkins?”

“This wasn’t the first time the laboratory had forged documents,” she said into the microphone. “I was threatened to do it, but I’ve witnessed on many occasions documents being changed and large sums of money being exchanged.”

“Very interesting,” the judge said and looked at a sheet of paper in front of him.

Once Mary was finished, she and Ned took their seats. When the judge asked if Frank had any witnesses, his lawyer said no. So it seemed that Frank was really willing to do down with the ship, full steam ahead. All the cards were stacked against him.

“Upon hearing both testimonies and a compelling statement from the witness, I’ve come to my decision,” the judge said. Claire was shocked at how quickly he had decided, but they did have all the evidence on their side.

“It is my decree that Hawkins Laboratory be immediately shut down and a financial restitution of five hundred thousand dollars be rewarded to Mr. Jamie Fraser and Ms. Claire Beauchamp.”

Claire gasped and grabbed Jamie’s hand, squeezing tight. They had one their first battle. The lab would be shut down once and for all, and something like this couldn’t happen again. They both held their breaths for the reading of Frank’s verdict.

“In the case of Fraser versus Randall, I decree that Mr. Randall is guilty on both charges against him. The first being sexual harassment and the second being forgery of official documents which is penalized by a $40,000 fine and a three year prison sentence.” The judge banged his gavel and then it was over. Just like that.

Frank was going to prison for three years.

Claire felt something beside her and looked to see Jamie tugging on her shirt to pull her up into a tight bear hug. He squeezed her, burying his face in her neck. As they released, they saw two police officers putting Frank into handcuffs and they escorted him out of the room. He stopped walking and met Claire’s eye and gave her the most chilling smile.

“Christ,” she muttered. “What a psychopath.”

“We won, Sassenach!” Jamie kissed her cheek. “We dinna every have to think of Frank Randall again. We won!”

Claire hugged him again and then thanked Ned for all of his help.

“Och, twas nothin’ lass. Yer case was easy to represent,” he kissed her cheek and began to pack up all his things.

Mary came over to them to celebrate and Claire held her close.

“You did the right thing, Mary. I know it feels like you might have betrayed your family, but you just stopped a lot of bad things from happening.”

The girl smiled, “I’ll have to have a difficult conversation with my uncle and now I guess I’ll need to find another job.”

“Dinna fash, lass,” Jamie said as he slid his arm around Claire’s shoulders. “I’m sure we can find ye a position at Fraser & Co.”

“That would be w-wonderful!” The girl smiled and hugged him. “If you’ll both excuse me, I need to call Alex and tell him what’s happened. He’ll be anxious to find out what’s become of his brother.”

Jamie and Claire walked out of the room, feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off of their shoulders. It hardly felt real. They had been living with this burden for weeks now, truly months. In the span of an hour, Frank had been sentenced to prison and they had been awarded five hundred thousand dollars.

They had to finish signing some legal documents, but once that was all clear, they walked outside into the crisp cool Scottish air.

“Do ye feel richer, Sassenach?” Jamie chuckled.

“It hasn’t quite sunk in yet,” Claire replied. “Besides, I don’t know what to do with all that money.”

“I’m sure we’ll think of somethin’, mo nighean donn,” Jamie kissed her temple. “I suppose we’d better get home. We have a lot of explaining to do to our family.”

“And I want to see Madeline,” Claire smiled.

“Aye, of course.”

Together, they climbed into the car and drove home, free of worries and filled with possibilities.

Chapter 27: I Smell Snow

[shireness-says]

Happy Holidays! I'm dropping into some of my fave creator's ask boxes and encouraging them to Spread the Cheer by Sharing What You Created This Year! Before a new year starts, take some time to reflect on the things you wrote or created to bless the fandom this past year. Remind us all of the awesomeness you put out there in 2019, and feel free to tease us with things to come in 2020!

Hey, holiday nonnie! Thanks for dropping by - I wrote a lot this year!

Not All That (But Has Potential): It’s not love at first sight, far from it. But there’s something about Killian Jones that has potential…

Playing the Part: As a stage manager who’s clawed her way up from the bottom, Emma Swan can handle just about anything thrown her way. But does that include handsome lead actor Killian Jones? (started 2018, completed 2019) (link to last chapter, which includes previous links)

The Queen’s Librarian: As the palace librarian under Queen Emma’s rule, former Lieutenant Killian Jones gains a reputation for knowing not just what books his monarch wants, but those she needs. Perhaps when all is said and done, she’ll need the man himself as well. 

The Things This Desk Has Seen: Killian and Emma take advantage of an empty office. A smutty, 1950s historical AU.

If I Could See Your Face Once More: This time, there’s no celebration at Granny’s when the latest crisis has been resolved. Instead, they’re left to deal with the body of Killian Jones. A 5B canon divergence where Killian dies in Camelot, never becoming a Dark One. (link to last chapter, which includes previous links)

Ear-resistible: Emma may be out the night before Easter as a favor to Mary Margaret, but she didn’t expect to see Killian Jones in the center of town. After midnight. In a rabbit suit.

You Mean Everything: Even in the silliest moments, Emma and Killian always manage to find the beat together. A little lighthearted rockstar!Emma AU snippet.

What’s in a (Second) Name?: The arrival of a new family member should be a happy time. However, the birth of Henry’s little brother stirs up some unwelcome internal conflict. A sequel snippet to “Killian Jones and the Lost Boy”.

The Company Way: Stage Manager Emma Swan always has something to worry about, and right now the mess that’s taken over her balcony tops the list. And maybe some anxiety about all the ways her life is changing. (She’d rather focus on the boxes.)

Echo: Sharing a heart has unexpected side effects - but maybe they can help say the things that need saying. A 4a heart-sharing AU

A Drowning Soul Will Clutch at Any Straw: Though this is far from Killian Jones’ first encounter with a mermaid, he’s never met any quite like this blonde siren. Together, can they break a cruel curse?

Took My Soul, Wiped It Clean: Killian generally loves Storybrooke and its close-knit feeling, is happy to be raising his family here, but those close ties also often mean that everyone is sticking their nose into everyone else’s business. Can’t a man keep any bloody thing to himself?

Swan’s Seven: After two years behind bars, Emma’s out, and she’s got a plan in mind. Now to put together the perfect team… Let’s stage an art heist. (WIP - link to most recent chapter)

Smut Prompts: self explanatory.

A Reflection on Hats: There are some things you don’t understand understand until you become a parent. 

Ebb and Flow: There’s nothing like the motion of the waves - especially when dealing with a baby who just won’t go to sleep. Being married to a pirate with his own ship certainly has its perks. A fluffy and domestic sequel to “If I Could See Your Face Once More”.

The Song Remains the Same: The more things change, the more they stay the same - including Emma’s teenage crush on Killian Jones. Will she finally work up the nerve to act on it at their ten year high school reunion?

Heat: There’s only so much that one can do on a hot and lazy morning. Luckily, Killian has a wife to do it with. Or: CS honeymoon sex.

A Twelve-Legged Matchmaker: Killian Jones has an undeniable crush on Emma Swan. He just needs a little nudge from man’s best friend to act on it.

Election Day: This is, arguably, the stupidest thing her best friend has ever done. So how in the hell did Charlie Jones get dragged into it? A 5B Divergence ‘verse future snippet.

How can I forget your love?: Anne is used to not being noticed - except…  (A Persuasion modern AU snippet)

A Sparking Attraction: Emma just wanted a nice, relaxing weekend. Who knew her car trouble would be the ticket into her hot’s neighbor’s pants?

and he called her love amongst the snowflakes: Being a princess is no guarantee of a perfect Christmas. Spending the next two days snowed in with her brother’s hot bodyguard just might be, though.

hashtag holiday party: This isn’t Emma’s company, or her holiday party, or her idea of a good time. Is there any good to be salvaged from the worst date ever?

Here’s to more in the coming year!

[truethingsiwishicouldsay]

What is your opinion on trans people? Like, the trans people who have transitioned and such?

OK, well, here are my thoughts, which are pretty nuanced so this gets long. I have bolded the main points to help break up the textwall.

First, the surgery thing. Whether or not a trans person has had gender reassignment surgery does not change my basic perception of them as a human being. They do not “qualify into womanhood or manhood” by getting surgery. They are not more or less valid as people because they treat their dysphoria with surgery or treat it in some other way. That’s an individual choice that should between them, their doctors and their loved ones. 

It may change their bodies to inspire people at large to treat them according to their gender identities, which in turn helps their dysphoria. But I honestly feel like the FIRST goal of all people who are considering surgery that drastic shouldn’t be surgery to get others to accept your womanhood or manhood so you can accept yourself. It should be radical self-acceptance. You cannot afford to define yourself by others’ perception of you. There are just too many shitty people in the world.

If you can get to the place where you can truly say, “other people’s issues with me don’t define me” and have a basic foundation of self-respect to stand on, you’re in a better headspace to contemplate things like whole-body surgery, or deal with the side effects of a lifelong hormone regimen.

Now for the rest of my thoughts.

Unless they’ve done something awful, like Yaniv, I don’t come for individual trans people. Anyone who does that is a huge asshole and an actual transphobe. If I have a problem with a trans person it is 100% with something they did or with their politics, not their transness.

I am highly critical of modern transactivism and the way it eats away at the rights and boundaries of others, tries to politicize sexual entitlement, fucks with the definition of words, seems to specifically target cis women with demands, boundary violations and antagonism, is homophobic in its demands for sexual “access” to same-sex-attracted people, and encourages behavior such as nailing dead rats to rape recovery center doors, threatening people, and in my sister’s and my case, beating them.

Yeah, I got my ribs cracked by a trans woman tree times my size on the RUMOR that my sister was a TERF. A rumor spread vindictively by a drunk because she wouldn’t cheat on THE AWESOMEST WIFE IN THE UNIVERSE with her. I fucking HATE the TERF patrol. They silence and harm women. But that doesn’t give me the right to hate trans people.

Trans people are human beings who should be able to live their lives without abuse. That includes everything from idiots marching into their journals and bullying them and their partners on up to the Hell trans POC face in places like Brazil. 

There is a difference between biologically-based sex and socially defined gender. “Trans women are women” doesn’t mean trans women are biologically female. Otherwise they would not be trans. 

You can’t deny biological reality to cater to your dysphoria without putting yourself at risk healthwise, and without ending up at odds with pretty much everyone. I will call my trans brothers “dude” and laugh at their dropped-my-packer-in-the-bathroom stories and acknowledge their gender as male, but I’m still going to feel like I should say something if they’re having PCOS symptoms or something and won’t go to a doctor because dysphoria. Your body may not fit your soul, but it doesn’t deserve neglect.

Because gender is socially defined and often toxic, it’s up for grabs. Defy it, redefine it, jump gender boxes, set up new ones, whatever--do you. 

Just don’t scream at people with no experience of it who don’t quite get it at first. I have no fucking idea what gender box you’re sitting in if you give no outward signs at all, so don’t yell at my scramblebrained self for not being psychic. 

I try not to misgender people because I don’t like hurting people who aren’t even part of the conversation. That does not mean I don’t believe there’s no difference between the life experiences of transgender people and (what’s most commonly called) cis people. Of course there is.

Sex criminals who reinvent themselves as trans women to try and get into female prisons are absolutely fucking suspect. 

If you want to change your body to match your sense of gender, that’s your business--so long as you pay real attention to the medical implications. I hear about trans guys hurting themselves with binders and my response is 100% like “Ow, oo honey, please be careful” and 0% like “look at this crazy person blahblahblah here’s some transphobia”

Puberty blockers and transing kids horrify me, in part because I know a kid going through it and he’s already suffering massive side effects. He’s. Nine.

I get pissed off when historical female heroes get transed. Let us have our heroes. Don’t try to redefine every brave, gender-defying woman as a man.

I am wary of self-ident because of the ways it is being abused. 

Dysphoria sounds like absolute Hell. Personally I’m not sure surgery and such is the answer, but it’s not something I have ever dealt with. I certainly don’t think people should be pressured into surgery and hormones as “the answer” or “the only answer”.

Cotton ceiling activists are fighting for the sexual coercion of women and are loathsome. Nobody owes anybody sex, and thinking otherwise is a sign of toxic male socialization, full stop.

Many of the problems such as bathroom bills could be more easily addressed through physical innovation rather than political arguing. What we need is better design of public lavatories to provide everyone with both truly private and accessible public space. This would include everything from protecting from predators and privacy-invaders, to making sure everyone can pee without having a damn sex/gender debate at the door.

Biological males do not belong on girls’ high school or college sports teams, or in women’s competitive sports. Growing up male gave them physical advantages whether they acknowledge it or not. Also if a man in his fifties is on a high school or college women’s sports team because he “feels like a teenage girl” and you don’t think that’s suspect...

Girlhood and sexism are experienced by cis women and non-passing trans men. Boyhood and male privilege are experienced by cis men and non-passing trans women. People treat you according to the sex they perceive you to be, not the gender you perceive yourself to be. How people perceive and treat you determines your socialization and experience of sexism and privilege, not how you identify.

Screaming transphobia because a conversation about biological female health “doesn’t include trans women” is simply irrational. If you don’t have the plumbing or deal with the issues, the conversation doesn’t apply to you. Derailing conversations about female biology to nitpick about the words used is also a silencing tactic.  On the other hand, I will gladly bitch about periods with trans guys and acknowledge that when it happens they’re probably wrestling with an additional burden of heavily triggered dysphoria.

Female erasure is real. The tendency of transactivists to demand that words like “front hole” and “uterus holders” be used on us to spare their feelings COMPLETELY IGNORES WHAT BEING REFERRED TO LIKE THAT DOES TO US. Half the human population should not face dehumanizing language and treatment so that a small percentage of the population can feel a little better.

Feminists have also noticed that 99.9% of the time, it’s women who are expected to give ground, change our language, and change our behavior to accommodate. Men don’t face the same expectations. They are not confronted online, their organizations are not attacked, their buildings are not defaced. Transactivists have a huge sexism problem.

It is absolutely possible to be of the female gender and yet rampantly, blatantly and deeply discriminate against members of the female sex. Any wariness I have of trans women largely stems from negative experiences of trans female sexism and assault against trans men and cis women. 

Sexism, sexual entitlement, out of control tantrum-throwing, taking pleasure in threats and use of violence, demanding to be at the center of every movement you are in (whether transgender or feminist, for example), and the demand that biologically female people cater to you are all signs of toxic male socialization. I used to rather arrogantly say that trans women should jettison these as part of their transition, but the truth is that every human being should. But it’s still causing problems.

TLDR: it really depends on the specific trans issue and how it intersects with Feminism, social pressures, self-image, and scientific fact. Transactivism has huge problems, but trans people are human beings who deserve basic consideration and respect regardless.

[wherethingscomebackx]

Top 25 Larry Fics of 2018

It’s here you guys!!!

I did this list for 2016 and this list for 2017 and you guys have been so lovely!

I read a lot of fic and the majority of it is larry. I like making lists and I like larry so I thought I’d do some minimal research of the top 25 larry fics published/completed in 2018 in order of least to most kudos (with links). All of these fics are top notch so you should all check them out!

25.) knock knock, i love you by @thelovejandles

“Well,” Louis says, searching for something to relieve this tension. “I think if a bloke gets kicked out of his stats exam for a knock knock joke, he deserves to hear the punchline, yeah?”

“Oh!” Harry says, beaming. “I forgot where we left off, what was it again?” He looks overjoyed to be exchanging a shit joke.

“Ah, you said knock knock, then I said who’s there, and then you said Noah,” Louis supplies helpfully. He hates that he's actually curious about the rest of the joke. “So, Noah who?”

“Oh,” says Harry, in a much different tone, dragging out the syllable. He looks bashful now. Louis cannot keep up with this boy, it's going to kill him. “Right, well.” He shuffles his feet. Fuck, what kind of knock knock joke gets a boy nervous? “Noah a good place we could get something to eat?”

[Harry and Louis get kicked out of a statistics exam for passing a knock knock joke note, and subsequently fall in love. Harry's a virgin, there's a cat, a hot cocoa date, a lot of sex, even more knock knock jokes, and everything is lovely and happy.]

24.) Let Me Be Your Star by @chloehl10

Harry Styles has always been a singer, but he’s never had much confidence in himself. When his idol is brought on as the new judge on The X-Factor, he figures, what the hell? He’d get to sing and meet his idol. What could go wrong?

~

Louis Tomlinson has always wanted to mentor young musicians. When he’s asked to be a judge on The X-Factor, it’s a dream come true, everything he ever wanted. What he didn’t expect was to meet a curly-headed stranger that would turn his life upside down

23.) The Compulsion to Find Love by @toomanylarrytears

The most prestigious English third-level institution, Candling University, accepts omega students for the first time and Louis Tomlinson applies with bright eyes and brighter ambitions. There he encounters personal obstacles, traditional mindsets and a beautiful boy who inverts every prejudice Louis has ever known.

22.) Pursuit by DirtyLarryStylinson

Some people may deceive you by acting pleasant and friendly to begin with, but their demeanour can sometimes take a sinister turn when obsession kicks in.

Louis Tomlinson is seventeen years old and carefree. He has close friends and family, a stable education and a pretty good life overall, so what could go wrong?

Well, a lot. Especially when you've attracted the interest of Harry Styles, who hides a staggeringly frightening secret.

21.) ROUGE by lourryalrightee

Submissive Louis Tomlinson is a misjudged criminal who is accused of beating his own Dominant until unconciousness. But the truth is not like that. In fact, Louis has been a victim of severe abuse by his Dom, he only fought back to defend his own life. One could imagine how many times the Dom has raped the Sub, how many scars from canes and whips are there to litter across his body, how many times his flesh has been split open, how many nightmares he has endured that leaves him lose all hope in life.

Sent to the BDSM prison for "behavioural correction", Louis meets the warden there, Dominant Harry Styles. Dominant above all Dominants, Harry is cold and harsh on the outside, but secretly a lonely man in the inside.

Louis supposes he could find his solace here in prison, a time for his scars to heal, both physical and mental ones. But what if Harry starts befriending the Sub, seeing through all the false accusations? What if Harry wants to seek justice? Does Louis even want his name cleared anyways? But the most important question is,

Will Harry be able to give Louis the love he deserves?

If only Louis could tell him the truth.

20.) Now In A Minute by @avocadolouie

13 feels like yesterday for many people, but for Louis it actually was.

More than anything in the world, Louis Tomlinson dreams of growing up. Simply skipping over all of the awkward, embarrassing years of teenage existence and getting on with life. Real life.

So when thirteen-year-old Louis wakes up in the body of his thirty-year-old self, he expected everything in his adult life to be picture perfect. And maybe it is. He has it all…or so it seems.

Except his favorite person and lifelong best mate, Harry Styles, is totally missing from the equation and Louis doesn’t understand why. He has a lot of catching up to do and as adult life turns out to be more than what he bargained for, Louis can’t help wondering why a life that seemed so perfect, feels so empty.

Or the 13 going on 30 au that should have been done years ago.

19.) Wild Love by purpledaisy

“Good,” Julia says, clearly pleased to have them both uncomfortable and unable to look at each other. “Now, I only have one more question before you can go. What are you planning to do when this experiment ruins your friendship?”

“We said we’d stay friends no matter what,” Harry says smoothly, his chin lifting in defense.

“That was our one thing going into it,” Louis agrees. “Stay friends no matter what.”

Julia raises a perfectly manicured brow, “That’s all fine and good. But I hope you realize your emotions aren’t going to realize this is an experiment in the end. If one of you falls for the other and finds out those feelings are not reciprocated, you’re not going to be able to laugh it off as a social experiment. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do this, I’m just hoping you’ve considered all of the possible outcomes.”

- AU: Two best friends try to date each other for forty days. It's supposed to be fun until emotions make it complicated.

18.) Take Our Bodies Higher by @littlelouishiccups

Harry wasn’t often caught off guard at his job anymore. He called different men Sir, Master, or Daddy for work almost every week, but he’d never been told he was a good boy in a voice quite like that.

In which Harry is a phone sex operator and Louis dials a wrong number.

17.) You Got That Somethin’ by @styleandsin

“How are you? Having a good time? Got a couple of beers in? What are those?” Louis hears him ask in quick succession, the loudness of the microphone making him jump even though the screams around him have yet to cease.

“It’s vodka,” Louis says, slightly unsure.

“Vodka! Oh, straight?” Harry asks, louder this time and with a growing smile.

Phoebe and Daisy have turned around to face him, huge smiles on their faces.

Fuck, this man is really going to be the death of Louis. He can physically feel his brain struggling to make his body cooperate and answer the question. He is so gay.

“No, gay!” He shouts, immediately getting an elbow to the side by his sister.

Or, the one where Louis attends a Harry Styles concert and makes an absolute fool of himself.

16.) The Road Less Travelled By by @freetheankles

Louis was a lumberjack happy to be living his life alone in what could qualify as Middle Of Nowhere, Canada.

Every morning, he went out into the woods, cut his logs, then came home at dusk to a scalding hot shower and a good book by the fireplace. Rinse and Repeat. He had a good life, quiet and peaceful; simple. Not a secluded one as Niall annoyingly claimed.

Louis certainly didn't need some chatty trespasser dropping into his life, his forest, his home. Invading his space, his circle of friends, touching his stuff, asking questions about his husband. His late husband.

A trespasser who wasn’t supposed to crawl under his skin, occupy his thoughts, and steal his heart from where Louis had locked it safely away, only to put it right back on Louis’ sleeve — where it once laid.

No, Louis definitely didn’t need Harry.

15.) Dirty secret by iilarryii

"Dad, you can't go!" Louis yells to his father as he watches him pull out his sword.

"Louis, you know that I have to. It's the pack leaders orders," Dan says calmly. "I need you to promise me that you'll take care of the family if I die."

"So what? You'll just give up?"

"Of course not. I am just willing to die for my family's safety."

"So am I."

The Zoely pack is attacked by rogue alphas and the pack leader orders all alphas over the age of eighteen to protect their pack. Dan Deakin is one of the strongest alphas in the pack, but there is one problem. He has a wife and six kids to feed and look after. Louis is the oldest child and the one who wants to protect their family.

Or a Mulan AU where Louis is an omega who takes his father's place in the war.

14.) Breathe Me by eternalxrry

Omega Louis thinks he's worthless, after being told thousands of times a day, he finally starts to believe the bullies. But no one is there to protect him, until Harry and his pack move to Louis' hometown. Will Harry protect Louis? Or is it all too good to be true.

13.) The Second Hand Unwinds by @fullonlarrie

Louis Tomlinson is one of the first members of NASA's top secret Chrono Exploration Program. When things go wrong and he's sent further back in time than planned, he has no other option than to show up on his ex-boyfriend's doorstep.

12.) won’t you wear my watermark by @bottomlinsons

The new Earl of Harrisson is a young man, an impulsive romantic, forced to shoulder too much responsibility far too soon. He is also Louis’ soulmate, but there’s nothing to be done about that. At least, as far as Louis is concerned.

The Earl, it seems, will take some convincing.

(A slow burn Regency AU featuring secrets, seduction and, our favourite, soulmarks.)

11.) That’s How I Know by @allwaswell16

Louis Tomlinson has just landed his dream job, coaching soccer at Augustus University. When he moves into a new house near campus, he meets his very fit new neighbor, English professor Harry Styles. Although their first meeting leads to an instant mutual dislike, the more Harry gets to know Louis, the more he likes what he sees.

Or the one where Harry’s African grey parrot spills his dirty secrets to his very hot neighbor.

10.) I Didn’t Fall For You (You Fucking Tripped Me) by @allwaswell16

These days Louis tends to steer clear of dating alphas. He’s dated too many knotheads in his time, and he’s ready to just focus on school and his friends and his pet monitor lizard, of course.

Too bad the alpha next door won’t take a hint and stop using the worst pick up lines of all time on him. He’s really got to stop laughing with him--and talking to him and walking to class with him and letting him bring him coffee and tea and gifts for his lizard and watching Netflix together and...

9.) Have Faith In Me by stylinsoncity 

As the son of Anne Styles, millionaire owner of one of the world's most luxurious fashion labels, Harry has spent his last seventeen years living in carefree extravagance. And now he's grown tired of it, along with the pressure from his mum to follow in her footsteps and the constant care given to him by her past assistants.

When his mum's newest assistant, Louis, moves into the guesthouse, Harry determines to be treated differently. To be treated like an adult. Except Louis is not at all what Harry was expecting...

This is a story about growing up, growing in love and having the faith to make it last.

8.) falling into you by stylinsoncity

In the grand scheme of adolescence and boyhood, Harry was still working himself out, so far with little luck. But four things he could say for certain: 1) he'd been at the top of his class all through primary and secondary school, 2) he was the shittiest alpha to ever walk the earth, 3) Liam Payne never let him forget it, and 4) he’d been in love with this boy, Louis Tomlinson, ever since he was fifteen years old.

7.) Blue Ice by @larriegal

"Don't ever try to get near me! I don't wanna see you." Harry had slurred in his face looking him in the eye.

"I-I don't understand..." Louis managed to say his voice low, pushing a little from the wall holding his left arm with his right hand.

"What don't you understand? I. DON'T. WANT. YOU!" Harry said again pointing at him, while making his way to the living room, Louis following him in horror.

"Why are you being like this?" Louis managed to get out, though he felt like being ripped to pieces.

"You really thought I love you?! You must be really fucking stupid! Who could even love you?"

•

An AU where Louis finds himself in a marriage he didn't bargain for.

6.) If Anyone Knew by @marastarfar

Harry’s a young alpha who’s strangely gentle. Louis’ an omega who’s strangely protective. Being the only ones in the band who aren’t betas they automatically empathise with each other and decide that it’s their job to look after each other.

Or Harry and Louis through the early One Direction years in an a/b/o universe.

5.) Worth Dying For by whoknows

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Louis says, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. In the center of the table, a set of three glossy photos stares up at him, mocking him.

“A security detail is non-negotiable, Louis, you know this,” his mum reminds him, tapping the middle photo with two fingers.

Louis doesn’t look back down at the pictures, gesturing towards them wildly, over-dramatically. “This is not a security detail!” he protests. “This is a lanky college student. In what world do you hire someone like this kid to protect me?”

4.) Fucking Animals by @pointerbrotherblog

“Just, off the record,” she says, voice lower, eyes sharper, crook of her mouth quirking up a little, “don’t you ever miss it? A good knot? You must.”

Louis blinks and then swallows, thickly. “No,” he exclaims, offended that she’d even ask, “I love my husband. And anyway, how could I miss something I’ve never had?”

---

Louis is the frontman of an equal rights-movement, author of a book about beta-omega marriage and the struggles of being born and boxed into a personality you don't necessarily feel you fit. The notion that an omega must want to be with an alpha or else he or she's just settling for less, is bullshit.

But, fucking hell.

3.) the impossible now by stylinsoncity

A wish on Christmas Eve sends Louis to an alternate dimension where Harry is a member of One Direction.

2.) Where You Lay by @ham-palpert

When Louis's upcoming heat threatens his success at his new dream job, he asks the best (and only) person he can think of to help him through it: his best mates' best mate, Harry Styles. Harry reluctantly accepts, and together the two navigate a strange friends with benefits relationship that quickly turns complicated.

1.) For As Long As I Can Remember (It’s Been December) by @greenfeelings

After recovering from a severe accident that causes Harry to lose his memory of three years, he moves to London to start his life over as a star chef. Little does he know that when he falls in love with Louis at first sight, it’s not the first time they meet.

Featuring an unintentional game of hot and cold, Harry chasing memories that won’t come back, Louis burying himself in work to try and forget what he can’t forget, Liam being torn between two of his best friends, Zayn as a moral compass and Niall saving the day with good music and brutal honesty.

[brokehorrorfan]

Blu-ray Review: Wacko

Scary Movie may be the most well-known slasher parody, but it was far from the first. The spoofs began shortly after the one-two punch of Halloween and Friday the 13th kicked off the subgenre's golden age. Between 1981 and 1982, slashers were skewered in no fewer than five films: Student Bodies, Saturday the 14th, Class Reunion, Pandemonium, and Wacko.

The latter, released in 1982, is the perhaps most obscure of the bunch, but it comes from cult director Greydon Clark (Without Warning, Uninvited), and the script is penned by four writers who would go on to find success in the industry: Jim Kouf (National Treasure), David Greenwalt (Angel), Dana Olsen (The ‘Burbs), and actor Michael Spound (Hotel). While not as successful as their later work, Wacko does open with the killer, after carving his mask out of a jack-o'-lantern, uttering his mantra: "Death to all teenagers who fuck!"

The film centers around Mary (Julia Duffy, Newhart), who, as a child, watched her older sister (Claudia Lonow, Knots Landing) get chopped up by a killer with a gas-powered lawnmower on Halloween night. 13 years earlier, Mary is a senior at Hitchcock High preparing to attend the annual Halloween Pumpkin Prom and lose her virginity - which brings up not only traumatic memories but also the killer's return. The only other person who believes that a murderer is on the loose is the aptly named Detective Dick Harbinger (Joe Don Baker, Fletch), who serves as the Loomis of the story.

Clark often added cache to his B-movies by casting notable actors of yesteryear, but Wacko features one of his best casts. It includes George Kennedy (Cool Hand Luke) as Mary's perverted doctor father and Stella Stevens (The Poseidon Adventure) as his doting wife, Andrew Dice Clay (A Star Is Born) making his acting debut as the cocky, Fonzie-esque cool kid, Elizabeth Daily (Pee-wee's Big Adventure) as a fellow student, Anthony James (Unforgiven) as the school gardener, and Charles Napier (Rambo: First Blood Part II) as the chief of police.

Despite being a slasher spoof with a plentiful cast of potential victims, Wacko’s body count is low. The script doesn’t poke fun at the subgenre so much as it merely uses slasher cliches to set up unrelated comedic beats. At times, it feels more like a parody of teen sex comedies and police procedural tropes. Nearly four decades later, much of Wacko's absurd humor is dated - not to mention grossly politically incorrect - but one can imagine it being quite funny in its time. Some of the laughs still hold up, particularly the Airplane-esque wordplay and sight gags. Clark also isn't afraid to break the fourth wall.

The score, composed by Arthur Kempel (Double Impact, Graduation Day), largely adopts a horror resonance yet has a playful, quirky undertone. The most-used cue in the film, however, is Charles Gounod's "Funeral March of a Marionette," best remembered as the theme from Alfred Hitchcock Presents. It's one of several recognizable genre elements referenced in the film, along with the likes of The Exorcist, The Omen, Psycho, Dr. Strangelove, The Elephant Man, Alien, and The Island of Dr. Moreau.

Wacko has been newly restored in 4K from the 35mm original camera negative for a Blu-ray/DVD combo pack from Vinegar Syndrome. It features reversible cover art, and Vinegar Syndrome’s online shop offers an exclusive, embossed slipcover designed by Earl Kessler Jr., limited to 2,000. The film looks crisp and bright, although the high definition reveals such details as the least convincing stunt double for Kennedy.

Clark contributed a new audio commentary that's packed wall-to-wall with information about all aspects of the production. Unsurprisingly, he admits that Airplane was an influence, and he also mentions that Julia Louis-Dreyfus and James Spader were nearly cast in the lead roles. Cinematographer Nicholas Josef von Sternberg (Tourist Trap) sits down for a seven-minute interview in which he reflects on his experience of making Wacko and his other collaborations with Clark. Additional extras include several deleted scenes (presented without sound) and the trailer.

Wacko is available now on Blu-ray/DVD via Vinegar Syndrome.

[maddie-grove]

The Top Twenty Books I Read in 2018

My main takeaways from the past year’s reading:

Growing up is hard, whether you’re a working-class college sophomore trying to adjust to an Ivy League college, a chronically ill medieval kid trying to beat witchcraft charges, or A GHOST THE WHOLE TIME.

You can go to Kansas City or the Congo or SPACE, but you can never escape the past. 

Maybe I should be more worried about getting murdered?

Anyway:

20. East by Edith Pattou (2003)

Rose, a sixteenth-century Norwegian farm girl, loves her large family, but sometimes feels at odds with their rather staid personalities. So, when a talking polar bear offers to end her family’s poverty and her sister’s illness if she’ll stay with him for a year, she accepts not only out of desperation, but also wanderlust. This expansive retelling of “East of the Sun, West of the Moon” (already a winner because of its determined, flawed heroine) shines because of its vivid use of multiple settings and its well-developed minor characters. I initially thought it was a little slow, but I really came to appreciate Pattou’s skill over time.

19. Joe College by Tom Perrotta (2000)

Danny, a working-class Yale sophomore in 1982, thinks he has a lot to worry about. His rich friends are clueless, his townie coworkers at the dining hall resent him, and his crush is dating a professor. Then he goes home for spring break, where he’s confronted with a pregnant ex and a bunch of mobsters who try to interfere with his father’s lunch-truck business. I mostly read this book for completism--I love Perrotta, but The Wishbones made me wary of his earlier work--yet this seemingly lighthearted story contains some fascinating moral and ethical dilemmas, plus a hero who is sympathetic despite his callowness. 

18. Monsters of Men by Patrick Ness (2010)

In the explosive conclusion of Ness’s Chaos Walking trilogy, the protagonists find themselves in the middle of a war with an enemy they don’t understand, forcing them to wrestle with questions of right versus wrong, forgiveness versus revenge, and the possibility of redemption. This was an intense read, but there was a lot of genuine joy and love mixed in with the death and war.

17. Ashes to Ashes by Jenny Han and Siobhan Vivian (2014)

In the less literally but just as emotionally explosive conclusion of Han and Vivian’s Burn for Burn trilogy, former revenge-partners Lillia and Kat try to move on in the wake of a tragedy, as well as the abrupt departure of Mary, the other member of their retribution-themed trio. The future is looking bright, but then it becomes clear that Mary is neither gone nor happy with their life choices. I read the first book of this trilogy way back in 2014 and, while I enjoyed it well enough, I wasn’t blown away. This spring, though, I had the sudden urge to read the next two books, and they were both a wonderful mix of affecting human drama and ludicrously soapy plot twists.

16. The Charm School by Susan Wiggs (1999)

Isadora Peabody, the awkward scion of an otherwise graceful old Bostonian family in the 1850s, decides to take her fate in her own hands and become a translator on a merchant ship bound for Brazil. The captain, freewheeling Ryan Calhoun, isn’t too happy with this unusual arrangement, but he comes to admire and sympathize with the independent-minded and painfully self-conscious Isadora. At the same time, Isadora realizes that Ryan’s untidiness and occasional bouts of drunkenness disguise a heart and principles and a talent for making out in lush Brazilian gardens. I was absolutely delighted by this romance novel, which is an absolute romp with some terrific character development. 

15. The Ask and the Answer by Patrick Ness (2009)

In the middle book of the Chaos Walking trilogy, the protagonists reach the end of a long journey, only to find themselves separated and caught between two warring factions. This installment does a great job of elaborating upon the world introduced in the first book, offering new perspectives on old characters, and introducing compelling new conflicts. 

14. Fire with Fire by Jenny Han and Siobhan Vivian (2013)

In the middle book of the Burn for Burn trilogy, classmates Kat, Lillia, and Mary deal with the fallout of their semi-successful Strangers on a Train-lite revenge scheme. Kat and Lillia want to call it quits, but their sympathy for Mary causes them to agree to one last score, so to speak. Unfortunately, FEELINGS and PAST TRAUMA and DANGEROUS PSYCHIC POWERS complicate matters. Despite my love for Ashes to Ashes, Fire with Fire has a special place in my heart because it’s the first book to explore the characters’ emotions in depth, as well as the first one to go way over the fucking top.

13. I’ll Be Gone in the Dark by Michelle McNamara (2018)

In the late 1970s and early 1980s, a rash of horrifying home invasion rapes, seemingly meticulously planned, plagued the bedroom communities of Sacramento. Then a series of uncannily similar home invasion murders broke out in the Southern California. In this book published after her death in 2016, McNamara makes the case that this was the work of one person, dubbed the Golden State Killer. McNamara has a clear, humane way of describing grisly and/or convoluted events, and her portrait of the dark side of California suburbia is enthralling. 

12. The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver (1998)

In 1960, a dangerously determined and self-righteous reverend from the American South travels to the Belgian Congo, even though his own church begged him not to go. He makes the questionable decision to take his exhausted wife and four daughters--vain Rachel, suck-up Leah, nearly mute Adah, and baby Ruth May--along with him. Their new home is a shock to all of them in various ways, and that’s before a personal tragedy and the Congo Crisis enter the picture. Kingsolver makes excellent use of her five viewpoint characters, all of whom have distinctive voices and enjoyably unpredictable (yet entirely appropriate) character arcs.

11. Lighter than My Shadow by Katie Green (2013)

As a young child, Katie has seemingly minor issues around food, but during adolescence she develops a serious eating disorder and almost starves herself to death. A diagnosis and the ensuing support of her parents seem to signal hope, but recovery is more complicated that one might expect. This graphic memoir offers a nuanced portrait of the sheer range of stuff that gets wrapped up in an eating disorder: religion, gender, sex, control, trauma, the desire for independence, and so much more. Green’s “cute” art style enhances the story, both because it makes an interesting contrast to the upsetting material and because it grounds the reader in the humanity of the characters. 

10. Mindhunter by John Douglas and Mark Olshaker (1995)

Throughout the 1970s, FBI agent John Douglas, along with the rest of the Investigative Support Unit, compiled information about an increasingly common type of criminal: the serial killer. Gradually, they developed the practice of criminal profiling. As gruesome as it might sound to call this an excellent beach read, that’s essentially how I experienced it (not that I went anywhere this summer, but still). The pace is fast, the style is engaging, and the authors are frank but not overly lurid in their presentation of the nasty details.

9. The Beggar Maid by Alice Munro (1977)

In this collection of connected short stories, Rose, a bright Canadian girl, grows up in a rough, deprived neighborhood with her sick, stern father and prickly but not unloving stepmother. Life in the wider world brings her mingled pride and shame at her background, a largely disastrous early marriage, and eventually a satisfying but decidedly unglamorous acting career. Munro is a master of description, and she has a sense of fun that puts her head and shoulders above most short story writers. And the title story is just the most perfectly painful exploration of why someone would stay with a partner who is deeply wrong for them.

8. Dark Places by Gillian Flynn (2009)

In 1985, seven-year-old Libby Day narrowly escaped death at the hands of her teenage brother, but her mother and two older sisters weren’t so lucky. Except that Libby doesn’t feel so lucky, either, because she’s thirty-one years old with massive trauma, dwindling funds, and few adult life skills. Then a true-crime enthusiast contacts her with an offer: cash in return for investigating whether her brother was actually the murderer. Dark Places may be the awkward middle child of Flynn’s novels, but that reputation is undeserved; it has a thrilling plot, a perversely lovable heroine, and a sly critique of the “Morning in America” view of the 1980s.

7. The Hostage by Susan Wiggs (2000)

In the confusion of the Great Chicago Fire, frontiersman Tom Silver kidnaps heiress Deborah Sinclair, hoping to force her industrialist father into compensating the victims of his negligence. He’s not prepared, though, for her dogged escape attempts, her hard-earned resilience, or the hints that something was horribly wrong in her life even before the kidnapping. I had my doubts about reading a kidnapping romance, but Susan Wiggs proved me wrong. (It helps that Tom’s motives are both understandable AND not presented as an excuse for dragging Deborah into his revenge plan.) The super-slow-burn romance pairs wonderfully with the action-packed plot, and I love Deborah so much.

6. Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn (2006)

Troubled reporter Camille Preaker returns to her small Missouri hometown to investigate the grisly murder of one tween girl and the ominous disappearance of another. As upsetting as the case is, it doesn’t hold a candle to what waits for her at home: a softly cruel mother, a barely there stepfather, and a teenage half-sister who alternates between adoring Camille and tormenting her. Sharp Objects entirely deserves its reputation as the best (if not most popular) Flynn novel; it has a beautifully constructed plot, descriptions so lush that you feel like you can reach out and touch Wind Gap (not that you’d want to), and a deeply flawed yet admirable heroine.

5. The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness (2008)

At nearly thirteen, Todd Hewitt is the youngest resident of Prentisstown, and nobody is ever going to take that distinction away from him. Just after his birth, a plague killed most of the humans on New World, including every woman and girl. What’s more, the same plague made it so the thoughts of men (and most other living creatures) are audible to all. And the mayor of Prentisstown is a religious fanatic who won’t let anyone watch videos or teach kids to read. It’s...not awesome. Then Todd makes a shocking discovery that forces him to flee his community and question everything he knows. This book is a fascinating sci-fi take on the frontier horror story (ala The Scarlet Letter, The Crucible, and, more recently, The Witch) with a read-hundreds-of-pages-a-night plot and astonishing moment of wonder.

4. After the Wedding by Courtney Milan (2018)

Lady Camilla Worth, daughter of an earl who committed suicide to avoid treason charges, has passed from home to unwelcoming home ever since, finally ending up as an unknown housemaid. Adrian Hunter, a mixed-race ceramics heir on a desperate mission to make his family happy, happens to visit the house where she’s employed. Under some very strange circumstances, they’re forced to wed at literal gunpoint. Working together to unravel the mystery and get an annulment, they grow to like each other, which complicates things. This is one of my favorite romance novels ever, with wonderful characters (especially Camilla!), an explosive plot, and masterfully explored themes of healing and being true to oneself.

3. Wild Things: The Joy of Reading Children's Literature as an Adult by Bruce Handy (2017)

A famous magazine writer and father of two young children, Handy expounds upon the classics of children’s literature (The Cat in the Hat, Goodnight Moon, the Little House series, Narnia, the Ramona books, etc.). As someone who frequently rereads the favorites of my youth to de-stress (House of Stairs 5eva), the subject was tailor-made for me, and Handy’s execution is impressive. He covers an amazing amount of ground, switches deftly from one mode of analysis to another, and shares plenty of funny anecdotes and moving reflections on parenthood.

2. Blankets by Craig Thompson (2003)

In this autobiographical graphic novel, Craig, a creative, devout, and deeply lonely teenager in rural Wisconsin, meets his first love, Raina, at a church retreat that otherwise would’ve been miserable. They become pen pals and are finally able to arrange for him to spend a few complicated, wonderful weeks with her and her family. Their relationship and its subsequent fallout drive him to confront his conflicted feelings about his faith, his art, and his family. This is an absolutely beautiful story, complemented perfectly by the wintry landscapes and expressive human figures.

1. Breath by Donna Jo Napoli (2003)

Salz, a twelve-year-old boy in medieval Saxony, is dismissed and sometimes even reviled by most of his community, including his own father and brothers, for the unnamed illness that stunts his growth and makes it difficult to breathe. Still, he’s got a lot going on; he helps his beloved grandmother around the house, studies for the priesthood, and belongs to a secret coven. When an abnormally wet spring drives the rats indoors and causes a strange disease to spread among the locals, Salz’s sharp intellect and thirst for knowledge are more needed than ever. This novel is a historically grounded retelling of “The Pied Piper of Hamelin” where the protagonist has cystic fibrosis, and did I ever think I would type that combination of words? No, I did not, but I am so glad things worked out that way. Napoli’s treatment of disability is unusually gratifying, because she illustrates the essential things that a society loses when it dismisses the sick and disabled (as well as some other marginalized groups, such as women). At the same time, Salz’s family and neighbors aren’t cruel for the sake of cruelty; they’re just uninformed, scared, and/or bad at managing their own problems without lashing out at others, which does not absolve them but makes for a more thoughtful story than if they were just bad seeds. The portrayal of Salz’s struggles to reconcile the different sources of wisdom in his life--Church orthodoxy, pagan folk practices, and the knowledge slowly filtering in from the Arabic world--is also fascinating, plus the pathological mystery makes for a tight, exciting plot. All this in less than 300 pages! And do not get me started on how much I love Großmutter.

[wtffundiefamilies]

These are my thoughts on the matter.  I’m not a psychologist.  So nothing I say should be taken too seriously.  

But from where I sit, yes and no.

We have no real idea why Josh did what he did, or what satisfaction he gets from predatory sexual behavior and exerting power over others in such a way.  These are things that are still not well understood in the general population, and Josh had an unusual upbringing with some truly horrific lessons around sex.  His family handwaves it as natural adolescent curiosity; I don’t buy that, if for no other reason than he grew up believing that the only acceptable sexual contact one can have is with one’s spouse after marriage.  (Though I have plenty of other reasons for not buying that.  The vast majority of people who wish to engage in such actions seek out a consenting partner for adolescent sexual experimentation, and the majority of those who don’t find one don’t respond by assaulting people younger and weaker than themselves.  I don’t know if Josh actually tried to convince someone to do these things with him willingly or went straight to groping them as they slept, but either way, that behavior is not inevitable.)  

Josh was well past an age where you could argue that he didn’t understand what he was doing and why it was harmful.  In that regard, his age doesn’t matter, and Anna’s calling him a “child in crisis” seems disingenuous at best.  Just because someone is a child doesn’t mean they are ignorant of what they’re doing.  Everyone at some point does something that they know is wrong (although usually not on such a serious level), but Josh displayed no shame or remorse - one of his sisters recalls him smiling and laughing as he cornered her in the laundry room - until he was caught.  He may have at first (hence choosing sleeping victims), but at least one sister expressed his clear enjoyment of what he was doing, which doesn’t sound to me like someone who was engaging in a compulsion they knew was shameful.  

But - and this is entirely my own speculation here, because again, there’s very little hard data on the subject - I do wonder if, because of Josh’s relative youth at the time of his offenses, and potentially the origins of his fucked-up behavior (if they were at all environmental), he might have been more receptive than adults to actual rehabilitation with actual mental health professionals, rather than sent off to do manual labor for a summer as punishment.   

VERY LITTLE is known for sure about effective rehabilitation for sex offenders*; it’s still controversial whether or not such a thing even exists.  But with most psychiatric and personality disorders, early intervention is often stressed as something leading to better results in treatment.  Might it be the same thing here?  It seems a shame that Josh wasn’t given a real chance to change - not just for him, but for his wife, his daughters, and everyone he’s victimized.  I mean, again, who knows if it would’ve helped, but one thing I think we can safely bank on is that DOING NOTHING (and I don’t consider what they actually did as being something) will net you zero results.  For all of their sakes, I wish they’d tried to protect more than their family name.  

It is also something to remember that before Josh was a sexual predator, he was a kid with abusive parents living in a truly awful home environment.  We don’t know how much that has to do with how he turned out.  But we do know that the Duggar parents failed all of their children long before Josh started touching up his sisters.  They continued to do so after his actions came to light.  And they’re continuing to do so.  Their children are still being raised to believe that a big brother sexually assaulting his siblings is just a normal bump in the road of raising a family.  And that the Christian thing is to love and forgive the person who hurt you, because we all fall short of perfection in God’s eyes.  They’re still being raised to believe that beating an infant is a reasonable practice.  They’re still being raised to believe that they are all bad people who don’t deserve salvation; they only have it because Jesus is super nice.  

And honestly their insistence that this behavior is common and not absolutely horrifying makes me think that Josh (and the girls!) may have absorbed their attitude of it being no big deal.  At the time, he was still young enough to be taking his parents’ values as gospel.  Even though his behavior strongly suggests that he knew he was doing wrong and just didn’t care, who knows how that may have impacted him; we’ve seen how strongly it’s impacted his sisters.

(As an aside, I wish we could hear from Grandma Duggar, Deanna and Michelle’s siblings how they feel about it.  I’d be interested to know where they got that attitude from; their families or Gothard culture.  But as always, no one would answer honestly, so.)

Either way, as it is now, I don’t think it makes much of a difference, not because his age at the time didn’t matter, but because Josh hasn’t changed.  He’s still sexually assaulting women (if you believe Danica Dillon, and I do), and he’s still remorseless (Anna’s brother mentioned him cracking jokes about his infidelity).  And the girls and women involved are still just expected by him and his family to smile, forgive and accept their role in what happened as though they were partially to blame.  If we were talking about someone who had done truly awful things as a teenager but had become an upstanding person in his 20s and 30s, his age at the time might make more of a difference, but since he’s still that same person, ultimately I don’t think it matters.  I don’t think much of anything matters, really, because of that.  It doesn’t matter how culpable Josh may have been as a teenager, because he’s now an adult man, a husband and father, and still doing the same shit and still not sorry about it, still joking about it and having a grand old time.  Could he have changed?  We’ll never know.  Can he change now?  We’ll probably never know either, because you have to want to change first.  And there’s been nothing to make me think he does.  

Again, I am not an expert.  And my emotions repeatedly are telling me that no it doesn’t matter he still took advantage of people younger and weaker so who cares how old he was??  But I’m trying to think about it from a neutral standpoint.  I have no idea how either of these things might warp my point of view.  I don’t even present these things necessarily as my opinion (my opinion really starts and ends at “it doesn’t matter because he’s still the same person he was then, and every time I remember baby Joy from 14 Children I straight up just want to murder him and figure the world as a whole would be better off,” but that’s not a terribly constructive way to look at this question, I guess), just as things that I’ve thought about over the course of the Josh scandal.  

* By sex offenders, in this instance I specifically mean those who engage in sexual assault or misconduct.  I realize some people get that title through other means.