#not venting

[jamisonwritestf2trash]

Four hours into an eleven hour drive, lord give me strength.

[genderfluidsgetguns]

Me: *gets attached to mentally ill and potentially suicidal people over the internet,* "Hmm. Nah, no way this can go wrong"

[sage-is-in-fact-very-tired]

is my ability to deal with grief shit? yes. does that mean I can write angst about characters who's ability to deal with grief is also shit immensely well? also yes-

[oheyfox]

Showing old art to people is so silly

When I was in 4th grade, some boy made fun of me for the way I drew legs

I want to so bad show him rn, but he'd be like "I don't remember saying that"

Silly artist moment because what he said haunted me for years

[residentmara]

im also worried abt posting again bc i fear my art sucks and i feel like i HAVE to get better before i go back to posting . /nav

de abt it tho thats my business

[kaynes-secret-blog]

The paradox

I want = touch, kisses, cuddles, (sex? Maybe???)

I don't want = emotional intimacy with a irl

BUT

To be able to have what I want, my brain needs me to have what I don't want with the person in question, or else it will reject what I want bc the autism program is running on the background

I don't know what to do

Someone please bury me under the desert sand and use a flamethrower to glassify my eternal agony forever

[fortpeat]

Came across this today "Someone who overthinks is also someone who overloves" and it's such a painful truth. Like is there such a thing as overlove, how can someone overlove but it's real and the thing is because of that you are abandoned one too many times because you were clingy and you were too much. In the beginning they thrive under that much attention and care you give them but as time passes it gets too much and they won't say anything to you coz they don't want to come across as cruel, no they just start distancing from you and here is where the overthinking part comes in, as you think of every interaction between you two to understand why they have started to pull away and you won't know and you might never know coz you are just too scared to ask them in fear of them telling the truth that "we were suffocating them". So we pretend nothing is wrong and we allow it to happen and act as if we don't notice it and one day they have completely cut us off. And we move on even though it hurts to do so but what else can we do, not like we can force them to stay. And this happens over and over again and at one point you even think it's better to not care so much so they won't leave but that's even worse coz it feels like you are burying a part of yourself and you are constantly checking every conversation with them to see if you have crossed that line and it's exhausting. And is that even worth it though, this pretend game where you are acting as a completely different person. But you are so scared of not being enough or being too much that you are willing to go through all that just so they would stay. And the saddest part is we don't expect even half of the affection from them, we give and give and give without expecting anything in return because that's just who we are. We are happy with the bare minimum and that is enough. But the truth is it's not enough because we deserve better than that. We deserve to experience the love that we give to others.

Recently I have realized something, that its okay to overlove. In fact share all that love to people you see out there, or people you talk to because one day you will meet someone who will love you in that exact same way reciprocating all that you give equally and it's beautiful as you finally understand that you weren't too much or you were suffocating them. It's just that they are not worthy of such encompassing love. They just don't understand that kind of love. But there will be someone who will and when you find that person/'s it's all going to be worth it. You just have to be patient. And believe me don't diminish that love for anyone. It's what makes us who we are and this world needs all the love it can get.

[madwickedawesome]

a man requires a hug and that man is ME😤

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

It is soooo hard not to vent here after a day like today. Or worse, ask for advice.

Oh well, I guess I’ll do what I always do in the real world: cope in silence and flail around pathetically! LOL

[moonlit-trolls]

Holy fucking SHIT someone kill me

Ughh i feel like i slammed my head against a fucking pole wtf

[fandoms-spamdom]

*character I like* sooooo unfortunately for you I must give you my mental illnesses

[shatteredxeno]

why should we give nightmare a big titty goth gf when he can have me, a big titty idiot bf

i may not be as glamourous or cool but

at least i'm sad a lot, because y'know he feeds off of negativity n stuff

i have no idea why i'm hitting post on this little ramble

[minty-frost]

Nature: So.

Me: Yes?

Nature: I'll give you a body. It'll be a body considered very beautiful by humans. Like, many people would hurt each other to just get it. Even poor care of it won't ruin its beauty.

Me: Oh that's. That's like super cool actually.

Nature: :)

Me: ...So what's the catch?

Nature: You'll feel like you were dunked in mud anytime anyone mentions that.

Me: Oh, fuck you.

[vilea777]

sorry i cant hang out i forgot how to mimic human like behaviour

[lastoneout]

Ya know when people told me "when you're finally safe enough that you can leave survival mode and start to let go of and process your c-ptsd/trauma things are probably going to get really, really bad before they slowly start to get better" I thought that was reasonable. I did not understand that by "things are going to get bad" they meant "you're going to find yourself in the worst mental state of your entire life, but dw, that means it's working" and tbh I simply wish someone had been more clear.

Edit: If everyone could please take a minute and think about what it must feel like to be struggling and then have multiple strangers say to your face that they find the prospect of going through what you're going through so horrifying that they'd rather kill themselves and then stop leaving comments like that I would greatly appreciate it.

[worthless-mess]

"Are you ok?" I'm actually tired bro. From the bottom of my heart I'm tired