#notes on the human condition

[soracities]

Charles Wright, from "The Southern Cross", The World of Ten Thousand Things: Poems 1980-1990 [ID'd]

[yourgoldennotebook]

— Andrea Gibson, from “The Year of No Grudges, or Instead of Writing a Furious Text, I Try a Poem,” You Better Be Lightning

[coruscatingdust]

I think about human suffering. I think about all of us, struggling to feel loved and struggling to find love. I think about our insecurities and vices, and the ways our fears manifest themselves in different ways. Some choose to lie and deceive, some choose to judge and condemn, some choose to be apathetic and be indifferent to everything, and at some rare occasional moments of beautiful courage, some choose to love and and understand despite all of these temptations.

I find myself in a wretched state, overwhelmed by my own vices and wickedness, my cowardice, and my insecurities, and how I have dug a hole myself and gave others a shovel afterwards. Or at least think they hold a shovel over me and that I have to grovel or dig myself deeper and stay there.

It's so tempting to think about all the love we think we do not deserve and all the condemnation and curse we receive from people. It's so tempting to believe in a narrative that we are utterly unworthy, alienated, and so condemned to death, whatever that feels like.

It is so difficult to see that life is so much fuller than this and that even the weight and crevices of our brokenness are all but shadows that oscillate.

Our life is still contoured by the light—the light glistening over the shadows, the light that you turn on to read at 3am, the light that you lit to cook up a meal for yourself and your beloved, the light that shines to find you when you're drowning in the night ocean, and there are relentless moments of the light that continue to beautify our life in all of our losses, our ruptures, and our pain.

I see even my wretchedness and the condemnation I receive from people as part of a larger narrative of this relentless life force of light that will continue to weave in and out through all the nooks and crannies of my life.

I find a gentle courage to be tender with all moments of my life, of this world, including even my own wretchedness and other's judgments and betrayals. I desire to cultivate the capacious heart to welcome them all in the narrative journey of a life that is so warm, so full of hues and perceptions, the richness of a colorful palette, so imbued with whispers of love.

All of this, everything I encounter and experience, belongs. And longs. To be part of the metaphysical landscape of Love. And they shall. I genuinely believe that they shall.

[rellasnowheenim]

Rónán Hession, from “Panenka”

[solaceclaim]

i cannot put my finger on it, is it that your appetite that calls you straight to home, is it your longing for your mother, is it the bed, the dreams, the lies you weaved up on your ceiling. would you ever miss me the way you miss staring at your wall before you finally get up out of bed?

[notes-n-stuff]

on writing-n-stuff

Decades of overthink has stunted my ability to express myself.

‘If I say this, then that… and because of that, then this…’

Thoughts… feelings… opinions… all get caught in the back of my throat and there is no release for the incessant chatter taking place in my head.

At one time it was that I used writing to express myself. To free the noise and make better sense of it.

But then writing too became something to be examined and judged.

And like the words lost in my throat, the ink dried in my pen and the lines in my book lay empty.

‘If I write this, then that… and because of that, then this…’

But I must remember that it has only been me passing judgement. Me silencing myself. Or, at least, the voices as me.

[ashtonisrottting]

people. they are just people. and we are just people. There's no need to rule them as good or bad. let people be human, it's okay. no one is a single side of the coin, accept it. we'll be okay.

one of the most important things, perhaps the most important thing I have learned in my life is that nice people can fuck each other up in monstrous ways. people can be bone deep kind and loving and self reflective and still lash out under pressure. people can be earnestly neighbourly and charitable and hospitable and generous and still find themselves in situations where they become selfish. people can be well meaning and easygoing and gregarious and hold deep seated opinions that turn them into vicious little bullies under the right conditions. nobody is just one thing, and nobody stays one way. every person is a kaleidoscope and they will surprise you. you will surprise yourself. it's not a warning and it's not a judgement and it's not an excuse, and it's certainly not a reason to stop trying or to stop trusting. it is just a fact.

[bewilderedfaedragon]

This episode came to me at just the right time. I appreciate you, whoever you are!

Here are some personal notes

I changed my bio because I understand that saying to want to be loved in human society means that people will try to love you but also they will also not be happy if you’re not happy so I just would like to be understood but also it is hard to understand me so maybe I should change it to respected? I’ll think about that for later.

Also Bob is a name I shall be using for now. I don’t know if it’s mine but it feels good for now.

This has been, changelog

Okay so here’s some notes about the episode.

From a feminist perspective/lens:

It is good that despite everything that happened when Marceline was able to talk and say no it was respected however it was gross that it wasn’t respected by ice king thankful she knows that she’s not in danger and can fend for herself.

When they both use THE POWER OF MUSIC aka art to express themselves they can finally communicate. That is a neurodivergent/mental health lens.

It’s almost like (news flash) people use different tools to communicate wowzers who could have thought that— that is sarcasm

I think it is funny when Jake says that quote of being shitty to the feminine gender. It is funny because Jake is very comfortable with his own femininity and doesn’t get embarrassed about his expression. Also Ice king was being rude.

I need to read more about feminism. I had a book but I no longer have access to it. I wish I could make my life like a game or a school— but like a school that I actually want to school to

I often got sick of school. And at school, or before school. But I like to learn. Huh…

Turns out learning is just part of actually doing something important. You (preverbal) have to learn what the information applies in your actual life. I often learn different facts differently

I have no idea :(

I miss going places.

Human beings are bewildering. I will get better and learn from them but actually do something with my knowledge but I also forget a lot so it’s hard to remember things unless I have some sort of connection.

Neuroplasticity, baby!!

Look at this

Who is this? Good on this person!

Voting is important. Wasn’t the thumbs up thumbs down completely opposite in Rome? Or is that too far back? This looks American, Americans love the thumb thingy. I often find myself doing the thumb up thingy when I don’t know what to do with my hands. Also the peace sign thingy which is almost universal yeah? Okay well, here on earth, but not to everyone. I’m sure the family’s animals wouldn’t understand, at least not without training.

This has been, a review of Adventure Time

Memory is fleeting. To lose your memories, is a cruelty few can imagine, until it happens to to them. Hold gently to your memories for when they come back you’ll remember the way you used to be. Maybe who you were wasn’t so bad after all, maybe who you rather not be is something that you should let go of.

Who I am in this moment is who I am in this moment. The future is the past yet to be know it is informed yet the same.

Like the great CJ the X once said “don’t worship me, I am not your friend” or something like that. I dunno. It’s definitely not a direct quote so go watch their videos.

But also do what you want I don’t need to tell you what to do I’m no boss, can barely manage myself

For legal reasons this is poetry. I am not a doctor. For silly reasons, I wonder what Dr.Phil thinks about that Holes book/movie? Hmmmm

Bye for now!

P.S. I hear it is kind/good to leave with a cat GIF so here is a cat :3

[maiaczy]

I've been kinda slow with the requests lately coz uni work is kicking my ass rn, but since it's jojolands day I felt morally obligated to do this one

@cailaope

[soracities]

Marina Tsvetaeva, from "Bus", Selected Poems (trans. Elaine Feinstein, with Simon Franklin) [ID'd]

[pineappleseeker]

Barbara Crooker, “Red Amaryllis”

how to not be a perfectionist by Molly Brodak

[yourgoldennotebook]

And then he'd eat his breakfast and leave for the day, stepping out into the world in which no one knew him, and in which he could be anyone.

�� Hanya Yanagihara, A Little Life

[beccawise7]

Creating genuine happiness with another human being is rare...

So is being thankful for it.

~beccawise7💜🖤

[rellasnowheenim]

“Andrew Garfield Wants to Crack Open Your Heart”, from Modern Love Podcast

[solaceclaim]

i do not know what terrifies me more, that i will never need you in any moment or the moments even if i needed you, you wouldn't cancel your existing plans to be there.

[shakingparadigm]

my ALNST oc/sona, solei!! they know both too much and too little at the same time.

is your senior year at highschool getting too boring? fear not! a game of whodunnit is now underway!

ok but seriously, they were really fun to make! my idea for them is pretty unpolished (fuck it we ball) but hey we're all here for fun so what's the harm in it