#now that my mom is working any time im home for the day its cat city baybeee

[instantarmageddon]

Constantly having weird bruises between my chest and right shoulder because miss wobbles is addicted to shoving her tiny kitty paws directly into any soft unprotected part of my body she can find

[irisxstardust]

1 | Shut Up

SUMMARY: You and Ellie used to be friends until one day when she decided she was done. You hadn't spoken to her since and now, five years later, you are given the unfortunate task of going on patrol with the girl. A little argument and one stalker later, you're playing her hero. But is it enough to repair the damage made to your relationship all those years ago?

A/N: wowzers. ive spent like two weeks going back and forth on this piece bc UGH i want to get into the cutie stuff but i like want that angst and slow burn yk. and i also want it to be good like this is my first real tumblr post and yall are such good writers ive got a lotta standards to meet. ugh pls tell me its not boring i dont want it to be boring since its not fluff. anyway there will be more but im not sure how fast ill be able to write it. i like really dk how many more parts i could make of this ngl like i just wanna make a happy amazing pt 2 where reader and ellie just like live happily ever after. also this is my first time writing in second person so pls give me grace if its bad lmfao. love you🫶🏻

CW: cursing, angst?/slow burn, fem!reader (she/her), CAT (🤮🤧😵‍💫)

WC: 3,688

You didn’t hate Ellie Williams, not in the slightest.

In fact, when you first met the girl you were impressed by her nonchalant attitude and how quickly she adjusted to life in Jackson. You admired the bond she shared with her companion, Joel - the closeness they shared, the softness of his voice when he spoke to her, the glint in her eyes when she looked at him. That didn’t mean you missed the way she stared off distantly in her free time, or the way she would talk to others with a certain tiredness in her voice; but it wasn’t like you could talk to her about it.

You weren’t friends with her. Well, not anymore.

Ellie and you were friends when she first arrived, you made sure of it. You were always bringing her things to make the adjustment easier: blankets, sweaters, new socks, ammunition, and a new hairbrush, among other things. She was grateful for it at first, always thanking you, hunting you down for movie nights, and inviting you over for dinner with Joel. But at some point you messed up - you did something wrong.

She slowly began to ignore you, she started returning your home-baked goods and stopped inviting you to her house to watch movies. She started to talk to you just as cold as she talked to the others. She didn’t like you anymore.

Eventually, probably tired of your haphazard attempts to fix your friendship, she snapped. You left her house in tears that day with your head down, shoulders hunched and wobbly, trying to cover the tear streaks with your hair.

Ever since you’d tried to ignore her, her words, and the wounds they made. It was hard when she consumed your every waking thought. You thought about Ellie all the time - what you did wrong, the way her hair bounced as she walked, what you said to make her hate you, that one time at dinner she accidentally choked on water and spit it out her nose, the look in her eyes as she yelled in your face, all of the science stuff she had hidden away in every crevice of her room.

Every thought you had about Ellie contradicted the other and it was all so confusing that every time you thought too hard about it your head spun.

So you quickly found yourself doing simple, menial tasks to keep your thoughts at bay. You were picking up every patrol you were allowed, volunteering at the daycare to help your mom care for the kiddos, spending any and all free time at your friends houses instead of yours. You always finished your house chores early in the morning, always walked your neighbors dog once before noon and once after, always doing whatever you could to stay out of your own mind.

So you forgot about Ellie - as best as you could, at least.

It almost worked, too. Five years you got away with it, hiding from your mind and from Ellie. Until today, the one day you had been dreading for years. The day you knew was coming.

You were partnered with Ellie for patrol.

At first, you'd spent the first three hours complaining to your friends - Jesse mostly ignored you, only cracking jokes here or there, and Dina just didn't understand why you hated Ellie so bad. Eventually you just gave in and stopped complaining, finding some solace under the heavy duvet on your bed.

Before Dina left your home she gave you a warm smile and said, "You're gonna do great." And then left you to your own devices, not realizing she was leaving you to rot in your own brain.

When the time came to get up and get ready, you found yourself picking through your clothes, trying to find the cleanest shirt to wear and the pants that fit you the best. You wanted to look nice, most people would, but you weren't sure if it was for you or for her.

You walked nervously towards the stables, taking firm, heavy breaths as you shoved your hands into your jacket pockets.

"It'll be okay... It'll be okay," you chanted the words under your breath as you neared the stables, clenching and unclenching your sweaty fists.

When you arrived, Ellie was already leading Shimmer along to the exit, hardly glancing at you.

"You're late." She said, sucking on her teeth.

You nodded slowly, inhaling sharply, "I am aware..." speaking slowly and cautiously, trying not to poke the bear. "I kind of have my own stuff, though," the pitch of your voice raised slightly, as if you were unsure of your own words, "so I got here as fast as I could."

She scoffed, her head shaking slightly which sends her short strands of hair bouncing around her ears. "Just get the fucking horse."

You walked off hastily, unfurling Japan's reigns - when Dina didn't take him out, you did, because you both liked to make sure he had enough exercise everyday. You walked him down to meet Ellie at the gate.

Ellie was standing on one foot, shifting her weight every now and then and rubbing her palms down the length of her thighs; almost as if she was rubbing something off of them. She rubbed her thumbs on Shimmer's reigns nervously, head darting back and forth to see if you were close or not.

When you came into her line of sight, she hardened up and stood taller. Her face sharpened and her eyes filled with the same distance that kept you up at night, though today they also harbored another emotion, one you were no longer privy with.

It filled you with a sense of confusion and dread, causing you to mumble incoherently under your breath.

"Fucking Williams... cold as shit... pain in my ass..." you muttered as you mounted your horse.

Giving you one last weary look, Ellie also mounted her horse. She pulled her fingers through her hair, tucking it back behind her ear as the two of you left Jackson.

The horses trotted slowly, easily stepping over the tree roots in the ground as if they had the whole route memorized.

For you, this was one of the few routes you hardly visited. It wasn't too far from Jackson, but it was just far enough that you knew it'd take up the rest of your day.

As your eyes danced between the trail ahead of you and Ellie beside you, you didn't know what to think.

Sure, you'd thought of all the ways you would yell at her and all the things you'd say if you ever got the chance again; but you'd also thought of all the ways you'd make it up to her, all the things you wanted to say to let her know you weren't the same person you used to be.

What did it matter, anyway?

You were stuck here, letting your old wounds sit and fester in the bitterness of it all. You were stuck here, next to her but unable to fill the empty silence with words. You were stuck here, on patrol with the one person who hates your guts and you couldn't do anything about it.

"It's not polite to stare, you know."

Her voice echoed through the dense trees, bouncing off branches and leaves only to worm its way back into your brain.

"I'm sorry?" you hummed, caught off guard by the sound.

Her head slightly turned in your direction and Shimmer slowed down to a light trot, matching Japan's speed. "It's not polite to stare."

Her words were much sharper the second time around, with much more emphasis placed upon them.

She's angry. Amazing. You scoffed to yourself, trying to keep hold of your composure.

"I wasn't staring..." you paused. You almost said her name, but the word caught in your throat. "At you. I wasn't staring at you."

She glanced at you sideways before she continued, "you were."

"Was not!"

"Were too."

"I wasn't staring-!"

There it was again. You'd almost said her name, but it got caught in the back of your throat, which left you to haphazardly cut off your sentence and leave her hanging, waiting for it.

She scoffed. "Yes, you were."

You closed your mouth and pressed your lips into a line, "I wasn't fucking staring at you, Williams."

"So you stare at me, deny it when I tell you it's impolite, and then can't even use my name?" She stopped her horse, leaning back in the saddle as she spoke.

And the words get caught in your throat. Your mouth dried as you slowed your own horse.

"I used your name," you whispered, blinking away the wetness in your eyes.

She laughed sourly, pulled on Shimmer's reigns and began to trot ahead of you again.

You sighed at the bitterness brewing in the pit of your stomach. You certainly fucked that up - but was it entirely your fault? Surely some of that had to go to Ellie too - I mean she's the one who broke off your friendship... she's the one who yelled at you for "staring." You weren't staring in the first place... right?

You began to question yourself, yet again, as Ellie spoke up once more.

"You're still staring."

And suddenly it's almost as if you could hear the smirk she had on her face.

"Could you fucking not? Please? I'm just trying to get to the tower and go home alive. I don't want to deal with this bullshit too."

"Stop fucking staring then," she whipped around to face you. "I definitely didn't ask for this either, so stop being a baby and get over it."

You clenched your fists and brought one to your face, rubbing your eyes with your palm.

"I'm not staring at you, El-"

You stopped talking after you finally looked directly into her eyes, catching sight movement behind her.

She began to scoff but suddenly stopped as your face changed.

"What?"

"Shut up."

You tilted your head to the side, narrowing your eyes as you focused on a shadowy figure hidden in the trees.

The figure stilled under a long branch, the leaves creating long shadows which warped around the curves of the figure.

Slowly, you reached for the pistol strapped to your thigh. Ellie's face scrunched in a mix of confusion and worry.

"Don't," you breathed, "move."

At the sound of your sharp exhale the figure screeched and aimed for Ellie, its dark eyes fixated on her.

You brought the gun up, aiming and pulling the trigger as fast as you could, but the stalker was hardly affected by the single bullet.

Ellie whipped around, yelping once before the stalker jumped on her and yanked her off of Shimmer. The stalker pinned her to the ground, its teeth already bared and ready to bite.

You pulled the trigger again. And again. And again. Until eventually the stalker slumped down above Ellie.

She pushed it off and brought herself to her feet, head whipping around to look for others.

"Do you see any more?" you asked as you scanned the area.

She shook her head, "I don't think so... holy shit."

You both sat quietly for a moment as you tried to process what just happened.

"Thanks- thanks for uh, for that," she panted, mounting Shimmer again and looking around, "that was close."

For a moment you were rendered speechless, trying to piece the puzzle back together in your brain before responding. "Yeah... of course," you paused, adding lightly, "s'what friends do." It came out a little mumbled but you knew she heard it.

You didn't keep your eyes on hers long enough to gauge her reaction, but you figured it was one full of something negative. You looked up one last time and caught her eyes, the strangest look on her face, before turning back down and looking away.

"The tower's just up that way," you hesitated, waiting for her to say - or do - something. To do anything. But she didn't, so you continued, "there shouldn't be any more in the area, they just cleared it last week."

You shifted on the saddle, cringing slightly, urging Japan to move forward again.

The rest of your route went okay - you didn't encounter anymore infected and the area is mostly barren anyway so you didn't find anything worthwhile. The tower was cleared already, too, so you and Ellie mostly found solace in your own thoughts for the rest of the route.

She didn't mention the staring thing again, opting to keep quiet instead, but you could feel her eyes meeting the side of your head every now and then.

You didn't say anything to her as you re-entered Jackson, walking side by side to the stables to put the horses back.

Ellie was brushing out Shimmer's mane as she opened her mouth to speak, "hey, thanks for earlier. Seriously. It means a lot."

You nodded, "no worries," and you paused, unsure of what to say next. Before you could, Ellie spoke up again.

"And sorry, by the way," she said, eyes darting around the stables, "for being mean."

At that, you found yourself completely dumbfounded, eyes wide, staring across the stables at her. And before you had the chance to recover from the shock she was flying out of the stables, probably heading back to Joel's house.

Within the next four minutes you'd rushed to Dina's, tripping and stumbling over your own feet, heart pounding and mind racing.

"She apologized?" Dina asked incredulously, eyebrows raised and lips turned downward, "for real?"

You shrugged, "I guess. I can't believe it either."

"Yeah, dude, she hated you for years but you play hero once and now she likes you again?" Jesse laughed, shaking his head, "bullshit."

"I never said she liked me again, Jesse. I was just telling you what happened. She apologized. That's what happened."

"Maybe she realized you aren't that bad," Dina smiled.

"Oh thanks, Dee, I'm honored."

Dina chuckled, leaning towards you and smacking your shoulder playfully, "and it's about time."

You paused, chewing on your lip as you thought of the day's events over and over and over again.

"I hope this is a new beginning for you guys, you deserve it."

You stopped your thinking, pulling yourself out of your thoughts to respond with a smile, "thanks, Dee."

"So, now that that's out of the way," Dina smiled suggestively, narrowing her eyes and raising her eyebrows, "you want to come to the bar with us later? Everyone's gonna be there."

You couldn't miss the suggestive tone in her voice, the way it dropped a pitch and she gained a mischievous glint in her eyes.

You hummed, "are they? Good for them."

Dina sighed exhaustedly, "c'mon! You never come with us! It'll be so much fun, I promise!"

"I don't know, Dina. You know I'm not one for parties."

"Well, you are tonight," she tapped the palm of her hand against the table, "because you are coming with me and we are going to dance all night and have so much fun. So much so, in fact, that you're going to completely forget how much you hate parties!"

"Oh, is that right?" You smiled as you began to chuckle.

She hummed, a particularly big grin splattered on her face.

"Yeah, your new best friend might be there too," Jesse added, which earned a nasty look from you and a disapproving look from Dina.

"Shut up!" Dina shouted, turning her attention to Jesse - which only threw you right back into your own head.

After Dina snapped you out of it, and after a lot more begging and pleading on her part, you agreed. It couldn't be that bad - right?

The party was nothing short of what you'd expected.

It was loud, crammed, kind of smelly, and definitely not the place you wanted to be spending your time.

But every time you caught Dina's eyes or you looked over in her direction, the smile on her face was enough to make you feel so deeply guilty that you stayed put. You stayed with her if she brought you out to dance and you stayed with her if she brought you to the bar to get a new drink.

It wasn't a surprise when you noticed Ellie at the bar, nursing a cold cup, staring at you with a conflicting expression. It also wasn't a surprise when Dina grabbed your hand and started dragging you in her direction, giving you one last reassuring smile.

It was a surprise, however, when Ellie greeted Dina with a hug and you with a smile.

She smiled at you.

Completely unable to quickly recover, you let Dina do the talking, trying to calm your racing heart.

"Hey, El! How're you doing?" she had to shout over the music but you knew Ellie could hear her - everyone could hear Dina.

"Pretty good! You okay?"

They began to exchange pleasantries and all the usual small talk, so you spaced out for a moment, waiting for the moment Dina would pull you away again. That moment didn't come, however, because Dina ran off without you.

"Wait - where's she going?" you yelled, eyes finally meeting Ellie's.

"Said she was gonna grab Jesse," Ellie began, eyes scanning over your outfit. "You want a drink?"

You hesitated, thinking over what happened during patrol. You lost yourself, again, and began mulling over what you could say and how she would possibly respond.

But then you began speaking, your mind not caught up yet.

"Sure!"

Ellie's face relaxed a little, and she waved you over towards a quieter area of the bar. The flannel tucked up to her elbows showcased the way her muscles flexed as she signaled Seth over to your side of the bar.

"You doing okay?" You asked as Seth walked away. "It just... looked like that stalker shook you up a bit."

She nodded, "Yeah, yeah. It was a little," she shrugged and let out a mangled noise, "nerve wracking." You both laughed.

Seth dropped your drink in front of you, giving you a sideways glance before returning to the packed end of the bar.

"You know how it goes, though," she finished. "I'm good."

"Well, that is certainly a plus."

Her lips tugged into a small grin, making you mirror the expression.

"Thanks again, by the way."

"Hey, we were partners. It was my job to have your back."

You both laughed again.

And you fell back into it. Into that easy-going, comfortable rhythm you had with her so many years ago. It was like no time had passed at all; like you were fourteen again.

And even when Dina came back she didn't hide it. You were finally able to openly talk to your two friends together again. It was like a dream.

"Hey, Ellie!" No. "I haven't seen you in forever!" No. "You look so good!" No.

"Oh! Hey, Cat!"

No.

You could almost taste the tension that had suddenly built up around the three of you; the sudden change in the air sending your head reeling and heart pounding.

Ellie and Cat exchanged pleasantries (not like you were interested or anything) as you suddenly honed in on a weirdly shaped ice cube in your drink. Poking at it with your straw, you waited for Cat to leave, holding your breath.

And in less than five minutes, you fell out of it.

You fell out of your rhythm, Ellie already ten beats ahead of you while you seemed to have changed rhythms completely.

When Cat did (finally) leave you let out a shaky breath, watching as even Ellie noticed the shift in you.

"Sorry," she said sheepishly, mostly directing the apology to Dina. She turned to face Dina straight on now, no longer moving her eyes between the two of you.

"You're fine," Dina brushed it off quickly, seemingly unaware of the sudden awkwardness.

"I should uh... go anyway. Joel's waiting for me, so... you know."

"Oh, yeah, sure. We should go soon too," Dina draped an arm around your shoulders, "I have kept someone here for way too long. She's getting a little antsy." She gave you a pointed smile, a teasing tone lacing her voice.

Ellie gave Dina a half-hearted chuckle before standing and hugging her. She gave you a very awkward, sideways, one armed hug before turning around and almost running out of the building.

"You want to go now or wait a little-"

"Can we go, Dina?" you rushed, clenching your eyes shut as you rubbed the balls of your palms into your eyes. "I'm just... really tired."

Dina stared at your face, her eyes scanning yours, for an extra beat before nodding, "Yeah, of course."

At home you spent the rest of your night hiding under your duvet, pulling at large chunks of your hair with your fists, digging your heels into your bed; all the way until you finished the night tiredly blinking away tears and chewing at your lips.

It was all so confusing. One minute you're dreading even looking at her and the next you're talking and laughing with her like you're best friends - and then? Then you're sitting there like the two of you never started talking again at all, all because Ellie said hi to an old friend.

One minute she's talking to you, then the next she's talking to you through Dina.

You woke in the morning with blood dried on your lips and dark bags under your eyes. You found it hard to keep your eyes open as you brushed your teeth, and one look in the mirror showed that you were in no state to leave your home anytime soon.

Your parents left quickly for work, not giving you a second glance even as you asked them to clear your schedule for the day.

Around noon you received a familiar knock at the door, and when you opened it you saw a face that hadn't graced your porch in a few years.

"Hey, Ellie," you paused, panicking internally. "What's up?"

"Do you want to talk?"

[forestryfae]

but yeah. basically ive been sleeping during the day a lot and it sucks. works not going as good as i wish it did. balancing work and homelife isnt easy, and homelife is lacking.

i have an important letter i need to send, gotta call teh dentist, im supposed to be taking meds for rosascea but im not allowed to keep the meds in my room and noone is helping me remember the medication (which is stupid as fuck cus when im late to work once or twice theyre IMMEDIATELY on my ass asking if i need someone to come wake me up. hello??) i also have to call whoever gave me my drivers license for practicing or else i might have to take the whole course again.

i also have to go home for 3 weeks and im not looking forward to that. and i need to go spend christmas with mom which like. free food ig. family will need christmas presents but like im broke and i just dont see why. they fucking suck. why am i wasting money on people who care so little about me that they treat me like absolute dogshit. no basic respect or common decendy, talking down to me and treating me like shit all the time, literally anything that can be criticized will be critizied, no respect for boundaries and throwing fucking temper tantrums if i get mad that they trampled over them, just doing whatever the fuck they want and expecting me to be okay with it. nothing is ever good enough but if you dont try youre a lazy brat with no willpower. mental illness exists but its never the root of the problem, its always you. also everyone around them are mindreaders and if you didnt predict what they wanted youre an asshole and you lack common sense.

and i have to spend the next three weeks dealing with this shit with no chance of escape cus they can just show up with no warning at my house. she doesnt care if i was asleep or busy, that just gives her an excuse to be bitchy about it. the world revolves around noone and dont think youre something special except for if youre her. fucking bitch.

but yeah ill be spending 3 weeks mostly trying not to go insane. i need to clean the kitchen, bathroom, hallway and bedroom. i need to go through all the stuff in the kitchen so i dont have a million things i never even touch in there, plus i gotta actually cook every day and i have to go shopping atleats once a week, which wont be easy. the bedroom is a emss so i really want to clear out as much of it as possible, especially w the writing desk i have. its enormous and swallows up the whole room, and i have just a bunch of stuff and garbage lying around that i dont know what to do with.

then theres the bathroom, which is easy enough, but the cats been pissing on some of my clothes on the floor in there since noone in my family understands the concept of closing doors and not letting the cats play in insulation. like the doors dont. magically open by themselves. they were left open. theres also a fuckton of laundry and cleaning off the dryingracks since moms been fucking with those again, and she absolutely has been messing up my sorting. i went through my clothes and decided on what i want to keep and what not and now i 100% guaranteed have to go through that stuff again.

and like. i also have to look at what i have and what i dont have. cus i got some plastic boxes that i was gonna put stuff i wnated to keep in and i never got around to it so i have to just hope i can find it in me to bother going through verything in the house and packing what i actually want i really want to ask the people at the thriftshop i work at if they want like 4 or 5 boxes, if not more when im done, of just garbage. but at the same time, i KNOW theyll clean everything before selling it but i dont want to touch any of it and i dont want it anywhere near me. im so tired of cleaning and bad vibes. im so tired of stuff just not working out.

also. have been considering moving my bedroom to the livingroom. like it just seems easier but at the same time i dont want people in there or people going through my shit when im not at home. idk. its more like a bandaid in an attempt to deal with a broken leg that isnt healing cus its not in acast or getting medical attention.

[blogfordantreacy]

15 questions and 15 mutuals

Thank you for the tags @kittensittin and @broadwayfreak5357! Sorry it’s taken me forever to do this, I’m anxious and lazy sometimes lol. But it means a lot that yall thought to tag me 🥹

were you named after anyone?

Not a person, but my gov’t name is based off of this story: “Once Noah’s ark was completed, the skies opened and rain fell for forty days and nights until the entire earth was covered with water and no living thing survived except those within the safety of the ark. When the skies cleared and another forty days had passed, Noah released a raven. Noah’s raven “went forth to and fro, until the waters were dried up from off the earth.” Only when a dove Noah sent out after the raven no longer returned did Noah decide it was time to leave the ark and the mountain top upon which it rested.”

when was the last time you cried?

Mmm probably last week? During household stressors lmfao

do you have kids?

Nope, but I have 4 niblings that I love more than life itself

do you use sarcasm a lot?

Not really? I think it’s cause I have a hard time understanding sarcasm when others use it (neurodivergence baby!) and idk it’s just not my style. I’m more of a facial expressions when exasperated, and also just not a very negative or cynical person. But occasionally I am!

what's the first thing you notice about people?

Ahhhh, usually what they are wearing maybe? Or their hair? I don’t even know

what's your eye color?

Brown, nothin to write home about

scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings > scary movie, but complicated endings > happy endings sometimes. When it makes sense. But sometimes you just need a happy ending. Plus I don’t like most scary movies.

any special talents?

Uhhhh idk! I have a lot of patience, which makes me good at my job. Im good at finding good people for jobs (like a good plumber or whatever). Im really good at Guitar Hero? I play on like expert. Idk these aren’t really talents…

where were you born?

Ohio!

what are your hobbies?

Reading/writing fic, going out to eat lol, doing nature things, traveling, baking, bike riding sometimes. And music and podcasts, I listen to a lot of both.

have any pets?

One! A cat. He’s p alright (I’m not a big pet person but my partner is)

what sports do you play/have you played?

Uhhh I’ve tried my hand at several different sports as a kid, but played soccer the longest. Mostly defense or goalie. I’d love to play dodgeball or rugby these days.

how tall are you?

Like 5’2? Short king

favorite subject in school?

Mmmm probably English or math (sans geometry, fuck that class lol). I loved learning, still do, but don’t like homework or busywork, and I don’t love the way we do education in the US. But I had some wonderful teachers and my mom, who have always encouraged my natural curiosity and wanting to get better at things. I’m a super curious person!

dream job?

I do really love what I do now! Working in a library is a blast. I also think working at NPR would be so cool, but I don’t have a radio voice. Honestly my dream is to shadow/intern at 12 different jobs for 1 year.

Tagging @rosy-avenger, @its-very-cold-in-space and whoever else wants to go I don’t even know who I’m mutuals with at this point 😂

[elkiwifuckedyourmom]

tw suicide? not from me though, just analyzing something recent.

i just read a message from my sister in the family group chat (just my mom, her, and me) that said " i love you so much" (as in singular) that was sent at 10pm, its now 3am. I went to sleep at 8pm so i couldnt talk to her about this.

Her door is closed but not locked, im scared that if i open it i might see her body. If she is still alive then i wake her up and she'll be mad at me (shes always been the cranky kind).

She studies medicine and works on field so there is also a case where she found a family dead ir something and just put it in the chat how much she loves us?

idk if that's the case since whenever she is home she is always grumpy or mad and always goes out of her way to not be with us even when the opportunity is there. my mom and I love her, and my mom especially has tried talking to her about if she has any problems and that she'll be always for her. (my mom is loving as both a mother and a person, she loves us both very much, putting this just in case you thought she wasn't).

my mom knows that mental health is important and is very willing to pay for a psychologist, therapist, or a psychiatrist. She has told my sister about this but from what I know she has only gone once.

I passed through my sister's door on the way to get water and sniffed the door cracks just in case I could smell something amiss (I know recently dead bodies defecate and urinate).

Hanging would be a no go since the only thing there is is a faulty curtain hanger, the other option would be cutting but that would've made a mess. what I'm leaning on is overdose but other that the empty melatonin gummies jar I saw 3 months ago there isn't anything else that I know that would've caused this.

just went to her door to listen if I could hear breathing but door won't let me, just some what I hope is movement from her part, there is still no smell. the cats would've known.

if she does turn up to be dead then it's better to wait for it to be day time since I don't want to wake my mom up to see the body of her daughter at 3:30am

but I hope that isn't the case, Fati aun no mueras.

i think i heard i noise from her room

[xxfrankieroindragwithgerardxx]

Tw: mention of self harm, depression

Im so fucking tired. I want to sleep but my adhd medication wont let me. I have so many friends but im always lonely. I feel like none of them actually like me. My best friends assure me they love me all the time but any time im not talking to someone I immediately get lonely. Im always sad, all the time. I want to cry so much. I want to sob, bawl my eyes out and let all the sadness flow out with the tears. At 2 am I get bored and take out my knife. At this point i cant even tell if its sh or just a pass time. I used to sh by using my punching bag without gloves. Too much, too hard, too frequent. My hands were a bloody mess. But now theyre calloused and used to it, they dont rip like they used to. I miss it so much. The dark brown dried blood splotches covering my red punching bag. I want to make more so bad but I can’t. Im too tired, my skin is too tough, it just doesnt happen. But I can’t cut i cant bc I swim so much in the summer and I wear bikinis and crop tops so how do I hide that? I’ve been doing it very lightly, just a few layers of skin. It hurts, maybe bleeds a tiny bit, but it doesnt last. It will heal and it wont scar, and it doesnt give that stinging that lasts all day, all week even. Having scabbed knuckles is mostly socially acceptable, people never suspect it to be a form of sh. It is. And now every time I touch my legs and they dont sting I feel so invalidated. I want them to hurt more. I wish there was a place on my body that I could cut and no one would see the scar. Or that the cuts would just disappear when they heal. So I can still se them when theyre red, but they dont last forever. I want a razor so I can cut deeper, more easily. But I can’t cut deeper cuz propel will notice. My mom was just yelling at me to get off my phone and do my homework but every time I stop and look at my computer I want to cry. Im trying I really am. Im trying to try. I used to try so hard but I kinda gave up. I never get anything done anyways. My fucking meds aren’t working, they’ve successfully destroyed my sleep schedule and thats it. I get exhausted at 1 pm but im full of energy at 1 am. I havent gotten the chance to listen to music all weekend, I missed it so much. I just wanna be home alone and sing and dance to Mcr and p!atd. I dont even like panic! that much, just a few of their songs. But house of memories and I write sins not tragedies make me so happy, especially singing along. I want to sing along to mcr, I want to meet them and see them all the time and learn to play guitar with frank and learn to produce with Ray and learn to sing with gerard and learn keyboard with mikey(and improve my pokerface) and I want them all to hug me and I want to meet franks dogs and gerard cats and go to all of their concerts and help gerard pick out outfits. If I could see them and talk to them for the rest of my life it would cure me. If I could have a pretty gf who would cuddle me and listen to me and understand me, I would be so happy. If my struggling friends got better I would get better. If everyone would just disappear, everyone ive ever met except my best friends and my idols, I would be so much happier. I wouldnt be constantly worrying about what people think of me, about them ignoring me and not texting me. I wish I could live in the killjoy universe, ride around the desert with the Fab Four, surviving off of what we need, running from the government. And having fun. Real fun. Not watching tv or scrolling tumblr alone. I mean playing cards and riding dirt bikes and climbing and killing bad guys. Coming home tired and beat up and covered in sand, maybe bleeding but full of adrenaline and just happy that we all made it out alive and that would be enough. Where people dont have to worry about consequences. Getting bad grades leading to no college leading to no money. Where people just have to not die and thats enough. Doesnt that sound nice? My eyes are barely staying open right now, barely staying dry. Im so tired of high expectations.

[meowzfordayz]

Hey hey T! Congratulations on your ✨milestone 10.0✨ !! I remember *slow eater* hcs was ur first work i read and then bam bammm (im gyo anon also btw have i told u that surprise surprise 😂 gyo anon and 🧦 anon r oneee)

maam may i request romantic hcs with gyo 🤍 sfw, nsfw ANY im a sucker for tooth-rotting mushy mushy squishy fluff please maam thank u iluvü 💗

About me: ppl say i look mean but rlly it's just my face i'm sorryyyt ;-; but when they got to know me i am described as very funny (when i was in 11th grade the teacher asked who the class clown was and they said it be me ?? I'm pretty sure its that other guy but okayy 🤧) and fun to be around with/ knows how to lift ppl's mood up (this touched me i swearrr bc i didn't know i have that effect on ppl until it's palanca time and ye,, one of my insecurities is i'm not rlly good with words and so when i have to comfort someone i just sit with them while also looking for someone who can help better like gurl help me idk what to sayyydbrjdhh and so learning that i can brighten their day with just my presence or just casually saying smthng is just 🤯) ++ calm and collected bc usually i'd just laugh it off but rn idk anymore gurl i think these were just a fascade im a wreck inside haha sarcasm is how i cope 😭

i'm very straightforward esp to my friends bc i don't wanna give them false hope or anything tho i do the sandwich method to not make it seem too harsh 😭 i'm also the friend who (whichever group i'm in) people hold onto like link arms,, when walking, standing or just sitting they just grab both my arms (1 friend on the right another on the left) like they do to their moms or smthng (now i feel old jkjk is it bc im a little taller? 😭) and it gives the feeling that oh no smol children must protectt like i literally look like am chaperoning kids HAHA tho its cool bc i feel like my arms are the chosen ones ✨ i want to do that too yknow hold someone's arms for a change or like be held 🥺 ,, most of my friends are shorter than me (nothing against height !!) i just feel like its weird if *i* do it :"))) I also have this habit of whenever i'm seating next to someone i'd borrow there arm and just go squish squish

I'm an introvert. just the thought of preparing to go somewhere and actually taking the trip there is already draining the sh*t out of me. There are times when mid convo i'd just shutdown tho i still will try to keep a polite face even tho inside i just hURRY UP Iwanna go hOmE sorry dude but idk there are ppl whose energy are draining but there are those who compliments well wid u idk idk

i like letterssss vvvvmuch <3 i'm also sentimental like i keep eveeerything bus tickets, movie tickets, my first shot glass ugHH u could give me a leaf and just write to and from and id keep that foreeever. even that one time in 10th grade where we were practicing for an event in the grassy area and bc we were bored we made smol bouquets madE ouT Of GrAsS i still freaking have it and thaT One letter from a friend which came with a rock she painted with a face on so cuuuute ✨

i want to say my hobby is drawing but my degree requires me to draw too so like drawing *again* as a hobby now just pisses me off bc my brain says: instead of drawing that why don't u just do ur plates 🤡

I looove animalsss (cats cats we have 4 cats and 3 kittens) my fave wild ones are 🐳 & 🐘 idk it's just they're so big and mighty but they're very gentle and caring and helpful to other animals too •u• i wanna pet them and hug them they make me soft.

What i like about myself are my sense of humour (no i'd burst out laughing at 2am i was about to fall asleep and my brain be randomly making jokes 😤), my guts bc it's sharp afff, ability to recover fast (i'm not sure with this one bc i know im not addressing my issues properly but like hey i got alot of shit to do so chop chop 👏) , and my imagination bc my head is wilddd).

wow this got super long i'm sorry ;-; thank you maamm! And have an awesome and safe day at work today!! 🧦

MILESTONE 10.0

💞: Himejima Gyomei

holds your hand before crossing the street, because if anything tragic were to occur, then at least he will have been holding your hand. Similarly, he's mindful of his parting words to you: variations of I love you being his go to. About to hang up on him because you're angry? He always manages to squeeze in We'll figure this out. About to fall asleep because he's exhausted? He never forgets to mumble Sweet dreams. About to be on your way somewhere for some time? He sends you off with Have fun, stay safe.

sponsors a wild tiger with you (has the certificate framed and everything), and participates in annual fundraisers hosted by wild cat sanctuaries. Last Valentine's Day, he purchased and dedicated a heart (really just a chunk of meat) to you, which was then fed to your favorite leopard. "You're disturbingly sweet," you'd giggled, pecking his cheek as you rewatched the Instagram reel of your "heart" being devoured for the nth time, "Thank you so much!"

gifts you a journal for your third anniversary, but it's already mostly full — mostly full of things you've said that made him smile/giggle/laugh. Of course, it isn't a comprehensive, entirely accurate record, but it includes: inside jokes that you'd inevitably forgotten (until getting to read them again), witty retorts and quips that you'd figured he hadn't heard (turns out he had), and an obnoxiously long section reserved for your puns-that-are-arguably-too-much-of-a-stretch-to-truly-be-punny.

[flanarchy]

hometown for a few weeks. park out front of the library, it is a remarkable comfort among so much conflict when home to know i can park anywhere, any time, and never pay a dime. gina painted that box out front, i remember when she was doing it and i’d walk by, books and a cat on it. familiar metal handle, swing open the door next to my hometown best friend, library science graduate looking for a job who used to work here. swing open the door and say hello ms. ruby, yes i’m back in town, oh i’m not sure when im leaving again yet, but soon, probably as soon as i can, you know me, we always have this conversation as routine. yes, best friend says, i’m still looking for a job, not ready to start grad school yet. that’s what we’re doing here today: the one coffee shop closed right now, so we’re here online looking at jobs together, and we leave ms. ruby to sit a table and i immediately turn to the left and see it, what’d i’d walked right past before: the back wall is empty, half the other shelves are gone.

best friend says: you didn’t know?

i thought the tornado in april had only damaged a bit of the roof, but i guess the leaks were bad. 8,000 books gone, best friend tells me. i’d come, secondarily to the job search, for dickens, but there were no Ds left in the adult section.

at 15 i’d spent a lot of time there, more than normal. best friend and i volunteered, 2 hour shifts 2 days a week, but i always stayed at least half an hour longer. it was my first “job” and i didn’t want anyone to know i was watching the clock, so i’d get there early and always stay late so as not to appear rude, but really i was watching. my OCD was at its worst and i could distract myself more easily in other places, but not when i was there and my job was to take each book off the shelf, scan it, and place it back—inventory. over and over, the same way my thoughts went, except the books changed and the thoughts often didn’t, so that i was spiraling by the end of two hours. when best friend mentioned she listened to music, i realized no one would hate me for earphones, and i’d try to giggle silently while i listened to a funny podcast so as not to alert passerby. but before that, getting through the two hours with nothing to stimulate my brain was a fight, and most often i’d be thinking, what would each of these librarians think if i was gay? would they hate me?

in the entire adult nonfiction section there was only one book on being gay: Gay America. i tried to be conspicuous the day i checked it out. i read enough that i felt i could have this book, same as any, and no one would mention it. no one did.

i ask to borrow my partner, aspiring librarian’s, libby login: my home library does not have it. best friend says they used to, actually—she went to work for them part time after we volunteered, and she’s stayed in this town, so she keeps up—one day it was gone. i’d ask about it, but it doesn’t seem the time. there are 8,000 books gone, and it’s nine months after the tornado. surely there are funding for these things, my mom says when i ask her if she knew about it. clearly something has not come through. nine months and there are no Ds in the adult section, and none of plenty of other letters, for that matter. Gay America is still there. i should send up a prayer for that. i thought a lot about the library when my town was blown through, and then i didn’t anymore when told it was fine: skating rink, gone, that gas station, gone, plenty of friend’s houses: gone. i’d come home and we’d all been talking about how piggly wiggly still had not been rebuilt. no one told me about the library. no one told me what it was like to walk in and see empty shelves.

this summer mississippi banned libby and hoopla for minors. part of that anti-gay, anti-trans, pro-book ban wave, but no one talked about it, really. i think of high school me, sliding that blaring Gay America off the shelf. the one book in the nonfiction section. i have no libby. half the books that disappeared had to have been james patterson and colleen hoover, anyway, and i complained about that, just as i used to rail on about how it was unfair that you had to be 18 to check out graphic novels, but still, they are gone.

i’m looking for community organizing positions, on the job listings. when we sit down i see one, advocating for urban libraries. but i think, what do i know about that? what would i even want to do in a position like that?

when my town was wrecked i felt powerless states away. friends made me feel better when they said all those trees—they will regrow. but a town like mine gasps for breath after a tragedy like that, and the red cross has long since left, and months later the shelves are still not full, and years later there is still only one gay book in the nonfiction section.

[bluntzzz]

1. What would you like to say to the FIRST person you kissed this year?

I say whatever I want to him every day lol, but for the sake of question, I love you!

2. What is the last reason you cried?

My mom is very mean!

3. Where is your cell phone?

To my immediate left.

Maybe not finishing college LOL, but if I did, I would not be here today.

5. Did you like NSYNC or Backstreet Boys?

Neither really. Now I like both!

6. Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera?

Britney.

8. Where did you sleep last night?

In my bed.

9. What time did you go to sleep last night?

Pfft midnight?

10. What woke you up today?

Kyle snoring :P

11. What is one thing you wish people didn’t do?

Lie.

12. Are you excited for the future?

Sure.

13. Your ex shows up randomly at your house, you say?

I would not answer the door, for anyone really.

14. Your boyfriend/girlfriend cheats on you with your best friend, you say?

Although unlikely, I don’t think I would say anything. Maybe a good fuck you to both of them lol.

15. Do you have any weird inside jokes?

Heaps.

16. Liquor or Beer?

Liquor.

18. When was the last time someone yelled at you?

Good question. Thankfully its been a while.

19. I am _________ .

Hungry and ready to go home!

21. Have you ever tried to break someone up?

I don’t think so.

22. When is the last time you talked to your best friend?

Hm, kyle is my partner and my best friend, we talked this morning. My non-partner best friend, we texted yesterday I think.

23. Have you done anything you regret this year so far?

Nope.

24. Where is your best friend?

Kyle is probably on his way to pick me up from work now. 😊

27. Who was the last person to make you laugh?

Kyle.

28. Anything annoying you right now?

Being in the office is innately annoying.

29. Is there any emotion you’re trying to avoid right now?

Yes. Im trying really hard not to be sad and depressed about the state of the relationship with my mom.

30. Who has your heart?

Kyle.

32. Have you done anything embarrassing lately?

Of course lol, but I don’t get embarrassed by it. Anything that could be embarrassing makes me laugh.

33. Do people make fun of your nationality?

I mean, I used to get made fun of for being really pale, which is derivative of my nationality, right?

34. Do you eat more than you should?

Sure lol.

35. Do you smoke?

Cannabis, yes.

36. Who’s the last person of the opposite sex to hug you?

Kyle.

37. Last time you shoplifted?

Lmao man, on purpose, a long time ago. About two months ago, I accidentally did not pay for some paper towels or something and no one noticed lol.

38. What will you name your future son?

No future son, no future kids! Kyle already has a son lol.

39. What will you name your future daughter?

NONE.

41. What is your favorite number?

8.

42. What gets you happy?

Kyle, my dog, my cats, lofi, video games, painting my nails.

43. Where were you at 11:45 pm Last Night?

Yes or on my way.

44. Is the person you like older or younger than you?

Younger, by 4 months.

45. Ever talked to someone that was high?

Lmao yes.

46. How tall is the person you like? Shorter or taller?

Taller, by like 2-3 inches.

47. Did you have a dream last night?

Yes. I don’t remember details but I know it was a turbulent dream about my family, ugh the worst!

48. Last comment you left someone?

Idk lol.

49. Do you have a Facebook?

Yes.

50. What do you think about the last person that you stole this from?

I do not know them.

4. What was the worst mistake of your life?

Maybe not finishing college LOL, but if I did, I would not be here today.

5. Did you like NSYNC or Backstreet Boys?

Neither really. Now I like both!

6. Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera?

Britney.

8. Where did you sleep last night?

In my bed.

9. What time did you go to sleep last night?

Pfft midnight?

10. What woke you up today?

Kyle snoring :P

11. What is one thing you wish people didn’t do?

Lie.

12. Are you excited for the future?

Sure.

13. Your ex shows up randomly at your house, you say?

I would not answer the door, for anyone really.

14. Your boyfriend/girlfriend cheats on you with your best friend, you say?

Although unlikely, I don’t think I would say anything. Maybe a good fuck you to both of them lol.

15. Do you have any weird inside jokes?

Heaps.

16. Liquor or Beer?

Liquor.

18. When was the last time someone yelled at you?

Good question. Thankfully its been a while.

19. I am _________ .

Hungry and ready to go home!

21. Have you ever tried to break someone up?

I don’t think so.

22. When is the last time you talked to your best friend?

Hm, kyle is my partner and my best friend, we talked this morning. My non-partner best friend, we texted yesterday I think.

23. Have you done anything you regret this year so far?

Nope.

24. Where is your best friend?

Kyle is probably on his way to pick me up from work now. 😊

27. Who was the last person to make you laugh?

Kyle.

28. Anything annoying you right now?

Being in the office is innately annoying.

29. Is there any emotion you’re trying to avoid right now?

Yes. Im trying really hard not to be sad and depressed about the state of the relationship with my mom.

30. Who has your heart?

Kyle.

32. Have you done anything embarrassing lately?

Of course lol, but I don’t get embarrassed by it. Anything that could be embarrassing makes me laugh.

33. Do people make fun of your nationality?

I mean, I used to get made fun of for being really pale, which is derivative of my nationality, right?

34. Do you eat more than you should?

Sure lol.

35. Do you smoke?

Cannabis, yes.

36. Who’s the last person of the opposite sex to hug you?

Kyle.

37. Last time you shoplifted?

Lmao man, on purpose, a long time ago. About two months ago, I accidentally did not pay for some paper towels or something and no one noticed lol.

38. What will you name your future son?

No future son, no future kids! Kyle already has a son lol.

39. What will you name your future daughter?

NONE.

41. What is your favorite number?

8.

42. What gets you happy?

Kyle, my dog, my cats, lofi, video games, painting my nails.

43. Where were you at 11:45 pm Last Night?

Yes or on my way.

44. Is the person you like older or younger than you?

Younger, by 4 months.

45. Ever talked to someone that was high?

Lmao yes.

46. How tall is the person you like? Shorter or taller?

Taller, by like 2-3 inches.

47. Did you have a dream last night?

Yes. I don’t remember details but I know it was a turbulent dream about my family, ugh the worst!

48. Last comment you left someone?

Idk lol.

49. Do you have a Facebook?

Yes.

50. What do you think about the last person that you stole this from?

I do not know them.

[falcqns]

Aurorra

Pairing: Dad!Henry Cavill x Single Mom!Reader

Summary: Henry meets his daughter for the first time.

Warnings: fluff, slight angst. Dad!Henry

A/N: I don't know why I'm a sucker for these types of stories but I am. Hope you enjoy!

It's been two years and two days exactly since you and Henry had broken up.

It had been one year, one month, and two weeks exactly since you had given birth to his daughter, the daughter he had no idea existed.

It hadn't been a particularly nasty break up or anything, but both of you were hurting. You both wanted the relationship to work out, and when it didn't, you were both too heartbroken to even remain friends.

You had moved away from London not long after the breakup, deciding to live in Manchester, which was closer to your family. When you found out you were pregnant, you had tried to call him, but he had blocked your number. You had no way of contacting him other than through instagram, but he had unfollowed you and you knew your message would get lost in the thousands he received a day if you tried that.

You had no way of contacting his family either. You didn't know what to do. You had told your family, and they were insanely happy for you, even though you were going to be a single mother. When your mom had sat down and told you her and your father would do anything to help and support you through whatever decision you made, you knew the answer.

You were going to be a single mother.

When your daughter Aurorra Enola Cavill was born nine months later, you knew you made the right choice. Being a single mother may not have been what you were planning in life, but holding your blue eyed and brown curly haired baby in your arms for the first time, you knew it was what you were meant to do.

Aurorra had become your little bestie. She was such a well behaved baby. She rarely cried, slept through the night not long after she turned a week old, and was always full of smiles that were clearly from her father. There was never any doubt in your mind that she was Henry's, and every time you looked at her and saw her blue eyes, brown hair, and her cuddly chunky body, it only solidified that fact.

Aurorra had just turned 13 months old, and your job transferred you back to London, so you and Aurorra had just made the big move back.

You had opted to move back to the same neighbourhood both because of the safety of it, and because you knew you'd have a good chance of running into Henry. You had thought about it for months on end, and knew he couldn't be kept in the dark any more.

You had just finished unpacking the last box in the bedroom, when Aurorra woke up from her afternoon nap. You changed her and the two of you headed out to ASDA to get some groceries.

You pulled in the driveway and saw car that looked similar to Henry's BMW, but you didn't think anything of it. You parked and got a less than happy Aurorra out of her carseat and strapped her into the cart before heading on your shopping journey.

You had made it through the fruits and vegetables, and was heading to the freezer section to grab frozen fruit for the growing 13 month old, when you saw a familiar back in the same aisle.

It was Henry. There was no doubt about that. He was wearing a white knitted cardigan, with faded blue jeans, and running shoes. From the top of his cardigan you saw a dark blue t shirt poking out. His hair was slightly messy, but still curly. He was reading the nutrition information on the back of a frozen energy bowl, and you quietly opened the fridge, hoping to grab what you needed from this aisle and escape without him noticing you.

You had gone over seeing him again a million times in your head, and in no way did you plan on it being in the grocery store with other people around.

But, 13 month olds have a mind of their own. At that moment, Aurorra saw a popsicle package with the characters from her favourite show, Miraculous Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir, and proceeded to squeal and call your attention.

"Mama!" She squealed and pointed a chunky hand at the popsicles. "Bug!" You glanced up and Henry and watched as he did a double take back at you. His eye brow furrowed, but you ignored him, instead turning to your baby.

"Yes, that is Ladybug. Would you like them?" You asked, and she nodded eagerly. You smiled and grabbed them out of the freezer once you noticed they were organic. "Say thank you," You prompted, and she brought the same chunky hand up to her chin and then down flat towards you. It wasn't the most perfect sign, but she was still learning.

You saw Henry walk up to you and had to steel yourself for the coming conversation. "Y/N?" He asked, and you turned around to face him.

"Hi, Henry." You said, placing the popsicles in the cart with the rest of your groceries. He smiled at you, and then glanced at Aurorra. She smiled and cooed at him and he smiled back, and stroked her cheek. "Hows everything," you asked, trying to avoid the question you knew was about to come.

"Everything's good. Kal misses you. Still sleeps with the teddy you got him," He said, his eyes locked on your daughter. You smiled.

"Well, tell him I miss him too. Now, if you'll excuse me, we're running a little late. I have to get home and get her fed." You said, but before you could move the cart Henry asked you the question.

"I-is she mine?" He asked, and you nodded, trying to swallow the lump that had been forming in your throat, to no avail.

"Y-Yes." You stuttered, and seconds later, Henry's arms enveloped you. "I-Im sorry," You whimpered, and Henry shushed you.

"Its okay. Let's not talk about it here. How about I meet you at your place once were both done?" He suggested, and you agreed, before giving him your address.

"Okay. I'll see you there." he said, giving you another hug, and pressing a kiss to the top of Aurorra's hand that had curled around his pointer finger. He stroked her cheek once more, before giving you both a smile, and heading off. He grabbed his cart with groceries, and made his way towards the checkout.

By the time you had finished shopping and made it home, Henry was parked in the driveway. You took a deep breath, and got out, giving him a smile. He returned it, and got out of his car before walking over to help you.

He grabbed the groceries, leaving you to grab Aurorra, who squealed at the sight of Henry. Henry chuckled, and blew her a kiss. He followed the two of you inside. You set Aurorra down, who stumbled on her own feet before stabilizing, her empty bottle in the right hand.

"Go put your baba in the kitchen please," You said, and she babbled to herself as she walked off, ignoring you and Henry.

"She's absolutely adorable," Henry said, and you smiled. "Well, she is your daughter," You said. Henry threw his head back and laughed before following you into the kitchen.

You set the bags down on the ground and turned to put away the ones Henry set on the counter. You two made small talk while putting away the groceries, mainly about work. You heard ruffling behind you but didn't think anything of it, as Aurorra usually liked to help put away the soup cans.

"Mama?" You heard a little voice ask and you turned around to face Aurorra. She was holding the box of popsicles out to you in one hand, while her other hand made a clockwise motion on her chest, signing please.

You smiled and took the box from her.

"After dinner, okay?" You said, and she didn't like that very much. She plopped on her butt and began to cry.

Her arms reached up to where the popsicles were and sobbed her little heart out. Henry's heart melted and scooped her up. "It's okay baby girl," He said, bouncing her. She sniffled, but calmed down and laid her head on his shoulder. He smiled in happiness, and pressed a kiss to her curly head.

He turned to you. "I just realized, I don't know her name," he said, and you smacked your head.

"Shit sorry, I completely forgot to mention that. Her names Aurorra Enola Cavill. I made sure she got your last name, and that you're on the birth certificate." You said, running your hands through her curly hair.

"Enola? Like Enola Holmes?" He asked, as Aurorra cuddled closer, her chunky arms wrapping around his neck. You nodded.

"Yeah. I couldn't think of a middle name for her, and I was watching Enola Holmes just before she was born. It was the scene where Sherlock and Mycroft see Enola on the train platform and you say her name. I knew then it was perfect." You said, and Henry smiled.

"It's a beautiful name," he said, wrapping his free arm around you. The three of you stood there for a few minutes, before Aurorra shook her hands at you, and tried to wiggle out of Henry's arms.

"Ah dun, Mama." She said. Henry pressed a kiss to her chunky cheek, and let her onto the floor. She scurried away seconds later, towards her bedroom.

"Is she okay wandering by herself?" He asked, watching her little body fall to her hands and knees, but get up and brush it off before continuing on her mission.

"Yeah she'll be fine. She's just going to play." You said, and Henry nodded before pulling you into his arms fully.

"I really am sorry I didn't tell you about her. I couldn't contact you or anyone in your family, and I didn't have the energy during my pregnancy or after to make the journey to London. I promise I didn't plan on hiding her forever." You said, and Henry squeezed you even tighter.

"It's okay. I know you'd never do something like that on purpose. You've done an amazing job raising her. I just wish I had witnessed it."

"You'll get to see her grow. You might have missed her start life, but I have everything recorded. Her first breath, her first steps, her first words, all of it. I know it's not the sam-" You said, but were cut off by his lips.

His hand travelled up to cup your face, before he pulled away. "Sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I just- You amaze me, you know that?" He said and you giggled.

"How so?" You questioned.

He rested his forehead on yours before continuing. "You thought to record everything. You made sure she has my last name and that I'm on the birth certificate. You didn't have to do that, but you did. I've missed you so much, and I didn't know just how much until I saw you in ASDA. I never should have left. I never should have blocked you." He said, a tear falling from his blue eyes. "I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that alone. Thats never what I wanted. But, I promise to be the best dad to her, whether we're together or not."

"I know you will be," You said, and pulled Henry in for another kiss.

The groceries were put away a few minutes later and you told Henry to go and play with Aurorra while you cooked, which he happily did.

He walked down the hallway to her bedroom, and smiled lovingly when he saw his daughter sitting on the ground playing with blocks, a stuffed Akita just like Kal secure under her arm. She was babbling to a Mickey Mouse toy that sat in the corner of the room, and was stacking blocks.

Henry began to walk in the room when she stopped babbling let out a sneeze and a sigh. He grabbed a Kleenex from the change table and sat down next to her.

"Hey sweetheart, can I wipe your nose?" Henry asked, seeing the snot coming from her nose due to the sneeze. She looked up at him and giggled, which Henry took as a yes, and he wiped her nose quickly before disposing of it in the garbage can.

She began babbling again, and pushed the Akita stuffy into his hands. "Goggy," She said, and clapped, which made Henry smile.

"It is a doggy. I have a doggy like your stuffy, wanna see?" He asked, and she nodded and clapped.

Henry pulled out his phone and pulled up a picture of Kal. Aurorra stood up and clambered into his lap, which Henry welcomed. When she saw the picture of Kal, she started bouncing and clapping again.

"Goggy! Goggy wun!" She exclaimed when he showed her a video of him running.

"Thats right, he is running. He's really good at it too, believe me." Henry said and put his phone away. Aurorra stood up and reached out her arm for him, opening and closing her fist. Henry stood up, and let her take his big hand in her tiny one, and lead him out of the room, and towards the back door that led to the backyard, babbling the entire way.

"Hold on, honey, we gotta tell Mama we're going outside, okay?" He said and she nodded before running to the kitchen shouting Mama.

Henry watched as she stood in the doorway and babbled before pointing at the door. She held her hand in front of her face and moved it out, closing it into a fist.

"You're going outside?" You asked, and she nodded. Henry saw you bend down and whisper something into her ear with a smile on your face and Aurorra giggle but didn't think much of it, before his little girl was running towards him and squealing.

He scooped her up and carried her out the door. She pointed at the toy box in the corner of the yard and Henry carried her over. He sat her down and opened it, before letting her pick what she wanted to play with. She grabbed a bucket with shovels and molds before running over to the lady bug sandbox and patting the lid. Henry chuckled and pulled the lid off.

"You wanna play in the sand?" He asked, and she nodded before climbing in.

Henry sat down next to her, and a shovel was thrust into his hand seconds later. She had a bright yellow one in her own hand and was digging a hole. Henry followed suit and helped her dig the hole.

A few minutes later she handed Henry a elephant mold.

"Put, Dada." She said, and Henry's breath caught in his throat, the mold falling from his hand.

"Did you say Dada?" He asked her, tears clouding his vision, and he saw her smile and point at the house.

"Mama, say." she said, picking up the elephant mold again.

"Mama told you I'm your Dada?"

She nodded and shook the mold in his face, practically begging him to take it. Henry smiled and pulled her out of the sand box, into his arms.

"I am your Dada, and I promise you I will love you forever." He said, and kissed her cheeks. She giggled before pointing at the sand box and doing grabby hands. Henry chuckled but put her back where she was. He picked up the mold and began to fill it with sand before she got upset.

"I apologize for interrupting your playtime," He said. "Now, lets make some animals."

Later that night, when Aurorra had been fed and put to bed, Henry pressed another kiss to your lips.

"She called me Dada when we were playing outside." He confessed and your eyes lit up.

"Really? I told her before she went out with you that you were her Dada, I wasn't expecting her to say it so soon!" You exclaimed. Henry chuckled, and pulled you into his lap.

"I'm so happy she did. Thank you for giving me her." He said, pressing his lips to yours before you could respond.

[dr4cking]

His Mother’s Garden.

masterlist taglist

draco malfoy x reader | smut | enemies to lovers

a/n : this is so random bye :”

"y/n, come down here for a minute, darling. i have something to tell you" y/n sighed slowly getting up from her lovely bed as she heard her mom called her to come downstairs.

"yes, mother?" her mom greeted y/n with a big smile while her father sitting on the couch, y/n feels like she was going to be interrogated, she grabbed a bottle of water and drink.

"sweetie go pack your stuff and dress nicely, we're going to stay at Malfoy Manor for 3 days." she felt as if her breath got taken away somewhere when she choked on the water, her mother worriedly run to her and smack her back.

"pardon me, mother. but i think i've misheard about what you just said" y/n's mother just chuckled at her daughter's reaction.

"no darling, you heard it right, we're going to stay at their place"

"but why so sudden, mother? you know i hate their son" y/n whines loudly thinking about how awkward it is to spend the day with the malfoys.

"well i met narcissa earlier in gringgots, its been so so long, you know we're very close when we were young, and your dad here is working at the ministry with lucius malfoy too, darling. so we really have to catch up" her mother explained it with her bubbly energy, she did tell y/n how she and narcissa were basically best friends in their time.

"but why do we have to literally stay there? we could've just hung out there and then go back home" y/n frowns, taking a seat beside her father.

"of course not, narcissa is the one who suggested the idea and it would be rude of me to reject it, now dont be a baby and do as i say its only for three days, honey. this is the end of the discussion or we're gonna be late" her mother cupped her cheeks smiling so wide and give her a little kiss on her right cheek before taking her hand and shoved her to go back to her room.

she goes to her room, started to packing while blabbering about her mother, she picked a pleated skirt and putting on a knit sweater, she put on a light makeup and grabbed her sneakers, she doesnt want to dress up so much because she didnt want to go in the first place.

she takes her bag with her going downstairs seeing her parents already waiting at the front door, she huffed.

——————————————

"ah, finally the (your surname)'s here! y/m/n, who is this lovely lady, is this y/n? oh my god, you've grown up" narcissa said as she hugs y/n after she hugged her mother greeting her family, y/n smiles and nod turning the gesture politely.

"lucius, draco! hurry, come here."

both of the platinum blonde-haired men appeared at the door, lucius greet y/n's father, giving y/n a small nod, but draco stayed behind his parents, just looking up and down at y/n smirking making her rolled her eyes at him.

the malfoys lead her family in, showing their room for their stay, the house elves taking their things. as y/n wanted to follow her parents, a hand grabbed her wrist stopping her steps.

she looks up only to meet the boy she loathed so much in their school. draco lucius malfoy.

"not so fast y/l/n" draco pulled her closer, a smirk still plastered on his lips.

"get your filthy hand off of me, ferret. i’m not in the mood." y/n snickered yanking her hand back.

"ooo, feisty. listen y/n, i just want to make a peace for awhile. at least can we try to be civil? i dont want to ruin our parent's moment, and besides that, you're staying in my house, i dont want it to be awkward." draco rubbed the back of his neck staring at her.

"ugh fine, whatever draco" y/n turns and run to follow her parents not wanting to talk to draco for any longer, leaving draco behind who just rolled his eyes at her behavior.

the day goes on so fast, their parents talked and chatted all day, leaving draco and y/n no choice but just to listened and joined their conversation, they both wonder if their parents ever get tired, as the night finally came, everyone already going to their rooms.

y/n wake up from her sleep groaning, she took a look at the clock, it was 2 am.

she rubbed her eyes, her throat feels so dry, she decided to go downstairs to grab a drink before going back to sleep.

"what are you doing at this hour, y/n?" y/n turns around from the refrigerator finding draco who stood behind her with his grey sweatpants. merlin's beard, he looks hot.

"cant you see im drinking, idiot"

y/n close the refrigerator and started to walk back to her room wanting to avoid draco as fast as she can but she only made three steps before draco pushed her against the refrigerator trapping her making y/n let out a squeal.

"you’ve got a big mouth, dont you sweet thing?" draco smirk seeing her flushed face, he pressed his body closer to her making her cheeks heated.

"d-draco i-"

"sshh, cat got your tongue now, hm?" draco rubbed his thumb on her bottom lip, tugging at it making y/n shivered at his touch.

"oh i see you like this, yeah?" draco leans into the crook of her neck, his hot breaths against her neck got y/n to rub her thighs together and draco placed his knee between them keeping her thighs apart.

he starts to pressed kisses along her neck causing her breath hitched, her panties are dampen when she takes a look at his lower part and his hard on brushed against her heat, she let out a soft moan and quickly pushed draco away from her.

"i- i should go" y/n runs to her room, cursing herself, draco behind her just chuckled deeply, satisfied at her reaction, but now he got some problem to take care of.

the next day came, y/n didnt get so much sleep after her last interaction with draco, just thinking about it makes a blush appeared on her cheeks, she threw away the thought of touching herself last night.

she quickly made her way to the bathroom and took a shower.

she just finished showering, putting on a bathrobe and letting off the towel on her head, but as she looked at the mirror, she screamed.

why is her hair green?!

only one name crossed her mind, she runs downstairs to get her target with anger bubbling up inside her.

"draco lucius malfoy! you better come back here! turn my fucking hair back to its color!" y/n yelled, running as fast as she can, catching draco who already ran away from her, without stopping his laughter.

"dont worry y/n, you look good with g-green" draco was panting heavily still laughing, he was still running but stopped at his mother's garden hiding behind it, hoping that y/n didnt catch him here. a smile never leaving his face.

but before draco could react more, he got tackled to the ground, y/n was hovering above him, her wand on his throat, threatening him.

she keeps talking but all he could think about was how hot y/n look on top of him, her new hair color still wet enough to drip the water down to his face, her top of the robe is low enough to show him her cleavage.

he quickly made his eyes back up to her, he would lie if he said this didnt turn him on.

"draco did you hear what i said? turn my hair color back!" y/n pushed his chest back down but her face redden as she realizes what was she doing right now, she quickly gets off of draco but only to be flipped over by him.

y/n was about to say something but got cut off by draco silencing her mouth with a kiss, he kissed her harshly, y/n was still in shock but not for long she melted into the kiss, she wrapped her arms around his neck deepening the kiss, they're practically swallowing each other faces, tongues fighting over the dominance, moans coming off from their lips without breaking the kiss.

memories of last night coming back to their minds.

"fuck- you're so fucking hot. do you want this y/n?" draco said as he pulled away, breathing heavily.

"yes, yes please, draco" with that, draco attached his lips to her neck, sucking and biting making a mark of his.

y/n rolled her hips on his crotch grinding against him making him let out a soft grunt, he pulls away to admire his work and he goes to untie her robe but not before he asked her permission, she nodded vigorously.

draco untied her robe making her body fully exposed in front of him, he moaned softly at the view and his lips instantly latching onto her nipple sucking and pulling it between his teeth softly making the girl squirmed. his other hand grabbed her breast squeezing it, he was amazed at how her breast fit perfectly in his hand.

y/n tugged at his shirt signaling she wants it off, draco gets the hint and takes it off, she pulled his sweatpants down making his hard cock slapped up to his stomach. she whimpered at his size wondering if it gonna fits in her.

draco groaned at the feeling of her hand pumping his cock up and down, her thumb playing at his red swollen tip, precum already oozing out of it. he stopped her hand before he cums right there.

he spreads her legs wider making the perfect view of her glistening cunt in front of him, he licks his lip, started to kiss her thighs before going to her core making her body jolted out.

"draco.. please, do something" draco smirk, he loves how he gets y/n to beg him, she sounds so hot, begging suited her.

he licked up her slit before sucking on her clit, he moaned at her taste, sending vibrations to her body, y/n gripped his hair tightly moaning his name over and over again as draco's tongue thrusting in and out of her hole.

he then inserts two fingers in her and pumping them inside of her fast, curling them inside, his tongue still licking her cunt lapping up her juices, y/n already a moaning mess.

"yes! draco right there! right fucking there.. oh god im gonna-"

of course.

of course he pulled out, right before y/n could ever reach her high leaving her whining and glared at him in anger, draco chuckles looking at her face.

"stop being so fucking greedy, y/n. you only allowed to cum when my cock is buried deep inside you" draco pumps his cock tapping it against her cunt, lining his tip up and down at her clit, y/n gets impatient but draco pushed her hips down to stop her from moving.

he slowly pushed in his entire length inside her, both of them cant help but moaning each other’s name out loud, inch by inch filling her inside. draco stopped to let her adjust as he fully inside her. he wants her to feel every part of him. y/n wrapped her legs around his waist, nodding at him to move.

"god- you're so tight y/n, i cant barely move. do you know how long i've been wanting to have you under me" draco's breath tickling her neck as he buried his face on her neck, slowly picking up his pace as he thrusts in and out of her.

"yes- fuck.. harder draco i want it rough and fast, please" draco was shocked at how y/n think her tight little pussy could take him rough and fast, but he obeyed anyway.

he grabbed her legs, putting them on his shoulder and begin to thrusting harder, rough and fast like she wanted making her cried out at the angle.

"fuck! you're such a slut y/n, letting me fuck you senseless in my mother's garden, dont you scared at the thought of getting caught, hm? oh i bet you would love that, right?" y/n only could mutter a low 'yes' as draco keep pounding at inhumanly pace making her whole body shake.

"what is it? i cannot hear you, my little slut" draco gripped her throat with his hand, pressing their foreheads together as he stared deeply into her soul not even stopping his thrusts.

"y- yes draco im your slut, i'd love tha- g- god please.."

"stop stuttering." draco's hand move down to twirling her nipples in his fingers and pinch them lightly making her yelp.

"draco?"

draco and y/n stopped their activities for a minute, staring at each other in horror, draco smirk down at her while she stared at him in confusion.

he starts to move again, snapping his hips harder, making y/n gasped, he quickly put his hand over her mouth. draco was thankful that the bushes hiding their ungodly activities perfectly.

"yes, mother?" draco said casually as if nothing was happening right now, he quickens his thrust, going deeper and harder into her while a tear rolled down on y/n's face at the feeling of the knot in her stomach tighten and she had to hold her moans.

"what are you doing there, draco?" narcissa asked as she cant found her son anywhere, only hearing his voice.

"im doing some school stuff mother, i'll be quick and head inside" draco answers holding his moans between his words feeling he would cum any sooner, he hoped his mother take the hint and leave already.

like draco expected, narcissa gives him an 'okay' before going back inside the manor but not without the hesitation in her voice but she left anyway.

"fuck.. you almost got us caught y/n" draco chuckles as his hand left her mouth, a loud moan suddenly escaped her lips.

"you're insane draco, why didnt you s- stop- oh my god.. gonna cum"

y/n cried out she cant even finishing her sentence as draco brings his hand down on her clit, rubbing in circles, getting her closer to her high, his other hand going back to choking her, he leaned in to capture her lips to hold his own high, he wanted her to cum first.

and within seconds, y/n came undone, it hit her hard causing her legs to shake, her eyes screwed shut seeing the stars all she could remember was his name when she moaned it out loud.

draco look down at his cock covered with her juices milking him, he moaned loudly and with the last thrust he collapsed on her, spurting out all of his warm thick cum inside her, painting her walls white making the girl moaned too feeling so full.

he moaned her name into her ear sending butterflies to her stomach as he rides out their orgasms. draco pulled out slowly making y/n winced, their mixed liquids dripping down to their inner thighs.

"merlin. that was so fucking hot, y/n" draco said reconnecting their lips, kissing her with passion and emotion this time.

"that was more than being civil, draco" y/n laughs making draco join her laughter too. he starts to dressed himself back up.

"there i thought we were enemies" draco said as he cleaned her up and tying her bathrobe back.

"oh we are, i still hate you" y/n poked his cheek making draco laughed.

"didnt seem like it 5 minutes ago" draco said as he captures her lips on his again as he finished cleaning her.

"round 2 in my room tonight?" draco asks as he pulled away. y/n smirked at him.

"only if you turn my hair color back" and he pulls out his wand from his pocket and swished it turning her hair back to its natural color.

both of them heading back to the manor, feeling excited and new. they stopped at their parents already waiting for them to show up in the living room with a mix expressions worn on their faces making draco and y/n blushed madly.

"im glad we decided to stay." y/n's mother breaking the silence making the room filled with laughter.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

tagging : @dracoscum :( @hellounicorn @onyourgoddamnleft @whoreforgeorgeandfred @turn-to-page-394-please @youreso-golden @dracmalf0y-dm @f4iryluvy @arzfia @slut4dracoo @alexthealexthealex

[chocominnie]

One Last Time 02  —  Pjm. (M)

⇢ pairing: Jimin X Reader

⇢ Genre: Idol!Jimin, Exbf!Jimin, model!reader, sad au, fluff, tons of smut, angst

⇢ Synopsis: Your idol ex boyfriend Jimin cheated on you. You two have been broken up for a while now and the media has been keeping track of you and him. You’re trying to get over him, but the things that happen inbetween makes you re-think the entire breakup, and so does Jimin…

⇢ Song : xxxxx

⇢ Previous : 00   01

⇢ Word Count : 

⇢ Warnings: dominant jimin, makeout sessions, this is honestly a sad angsty au, cheating, pregnancy, unprotected and protected sex, a bunch of sex, no really a LOT of sexual themes too, I know I’m forgetting some but sorry in advance!

⇢ Copyright: please do NOT repost, translate, or modify my works in any way, shape or form, on any platform. If found doing so , it is considered as plagiarism and appropriate LEGAL action will be taken

⇢ Authors note: This is my mini series for the summer! Get your tissues, things to take your anger out on, and sit back and watch the drama unfold. Shall we begin?

Your eyes shoot open, chest heaving heavily as you let out a blood curdling scream. Not this again. The same dream over and over again each night. It leaves you sleepless. The time on the clock on your nightstand reads 3:04 am. Just only four hours ago is when you fell asleep. But a full night’s sleep hasn’t happened for a year so why would it matter anyways.

Once you catch your breath you unplug your phone from the charger and read some of the notifications. From your window, the night-time critters sing their songs along with the persistant owl that’s somewhere around the apartment complex. You’d only noticed him, the owl, just a few months ago when your cat started meowing with his hoots. 

A missed call from your uncle. 

Immediately you unlock your phone and dial the number. Bringing your index finger to your mouth you gently nip on it waiting for it to answer, The rings are agonizing to you. If something has happened you only wish and pray it wasn’t as bad as you think. He’s the only parental figure left in your life.

‘‘ Princess! Hello I was just calling to speak to you earlier. But I realized you are five hours ahead of me and you had probably went to sleep.’‘

His soothing voice calms your emotions making you let out a tiny breath of air. Thank god.

‘’Hey Charlie.” You sigh. Looking towards your left, you spot Clara purring quietly next to you. You can’t help but to smile while bringing a hand over to rub her head with your thumb.  She’s so small under the shining moonlight from your window.

Her white coat shines brightly amongst her, making you remember the first night you had brought her home. All she did was sleep, and it worried you because you had no prior expierence caring for anything, let alone a small animal. Clara only drank kitten milk and slept back then. Occasionally being awake enough to nip at your fingers whenever you pet or touched her.

Now she’s a bit bigger and walks around the apartment like she owns the place. Quite the little attitude she has, but its too damn cute for you to scold her whenever she does something wrong. 

“ Yes I did fall asleep from after a gathering at someone’s house.’’ You continue on, bringing your knees to your chest after opening the curtain of your window fully.

The moons brightness illuminates the entire room, but not so bright for you to complain though. ‘’ Oh- was it Jimin’s? Tell him I said hell-’’

You bite your lip hard at his name. He doesn’t know and you wont even dare to let him know. Knowing him, your uncle would have a fit and oppose to come back to Seoul to ‘set the record straight.’ to Jimin. That’s the last thing you want to do, cause trouble.

‘‘ It was his brother’s house warming party.” You say, lowering your tone in your voice. You look at the nightstand for a couple of seconds just before opening the top drawer of the wooden, polished piece. Your hands shakily pull out a picture of you two together.

It was taken at  Marne-la-Vallée, France right infront of Cinderella’s castle. That was the day that you and Jimin had to went to Disneyland in Paris, France. You cant help but to think, with the picture in hand, that it was one of the best nights ever. It was also the same night your virginity was taken.

‘‘ Oh.. I know that tone. Are you two arguing at the moment.”

You shrug, “ I mean you could say that.’’

No you cant.

‘‘ Alright alright I won’t talk more of him. Let’s change the subject.” He chuckles deeply into the phone.

‘‘ How’s Europe? Anything new happening on base?”

‘‘ Same old Same old. It’s been what? 2 years since I’ve left Seoul? The food is different over here. They don’t have kimchi pancakes sadly.”

You can only imagine the frowny face he makes at you whenever he doesn’t approve or like something. It always turns out to be funny.

You giggle into the phone shaking your head slightly, “ Of course. You are in Europe Charlie. Where are you getting food from anyway if you are on base?’’

‘‘ I can go off base to a certain mileage when I am off duty. I just have to report back in time. But you do know that you can always come live on base with me...’ He trails off.

Oh boy. Here he goes. He’s always talking about moving you on base with him. Hell, he’s been talking about it since before he had to go to be based in Europe. By then you were twenty years old and old enough to live by yourself. Growing up in Daegu, Korea since you were six, you felt as if Korea was home to you and you definately weren’t ready to leave yet.

Especially, after losing your parents here. Around eight years old, your aunt and mother were on the way to pick up your father from the airport. With your mom and dad also being military and based in Korea with your dad’s bestfriend, your uncle Charlie, your father had been called to take military leave to go and be based in Korea for the National Guard.

On the way back from the airport, a drunk driver had struck the car knocking them off the road and colliding head first into the railing of the bridge. All bodies were reported dead upon collision, including your aunt. Charlie didn’t take the news well at all, and so did you. Only eight years old and still a bit new to a foreign country. It was devistating for you and Charlie. Charlie did what was right and stepped up to be your legal guardian while taking some time off from the military. Till this day, he treats you like his sacred little daughter and you can’t ask for anyone better than him.

 “You are old enough to live on your own and housing is avail-”

You jump at his voice on the line again, being too spaced out from the tragic memory. Before he can go on any longer you cut him off. ‘‘ Im fine with the apartment you left me. Im paying the bills on time and taking good care of it.”

‘‘ Alright fine. But that option is always available you hear me? I will always be ready for you to come with me.’’

‘‘ Okay Charlie” You groan.

‘‘ Alright.. sweetie it’s getting late on this side and it’s already 3 am on your side. Get some sleep okay? Don’t you have a model shoot thingy or something? You have those a lot.’‘

‘‘ Yes i actually do in a couple of hours. It’s been a while since I’ve did a shoot. Please eat and sleep well. Don’t injure yourself.’‘

‘‘ I promise. You promise to do the same right?’‘ He says, rustling movements are in the background.

‘‘ Yes I promise. Good night sleep tight..’‘ You smile as you wait for him to finish the rest.

He chuckles one last time on the other end, ‘‘I’ll always love you, goodnight‘’

Beep Beep Beep

You in a racy light pink lingerie with white duvets and sheets is the concept of your comeback. It’s supposed to symbolize the “Night After’’. Camera’s click and directors yell and praise you in your subtle yet damaging moves and facial expressions. You want.. no need for this comeback to be successful. Not only did your manager schedule this, but she is making sure that they release this same very day.

Nobody in this company’s industry has ever did this before. But you, you are sort of the special one. The special foreigner as they say. It’s not like you don’t like it but you don’t like that they label you as that. Stylists, employee’s hell even anybody who works there treat you as a princess. It’s not bad, but it’s just weird.

‘‘ One last one. Give me a sexy yet innocent look mama.’‘ Elliot, the director says, smiling wide at you.

You slip a finger into your mouth and do a little pout with your lips.

Elliot busts out into a roar of happiness with his hands clapping furiously. ‘‘That’s it mama yes! That’s just what we needed!’‘

Adjusting his microphone earpiece, he turns around to greet and thank everyone, ‘‘ Alright everybody this concludes our shooting! You all worked so hard today. Make it home safe, eat well.’‘

Finally. You sigh out in relief and close your eyes. It’s been a long day. Almost 6 hours of shooting. Three Videos, and five swap outfits for each session of shooting for the ‘’ Night After’’.  As everyone heads out and starts cleaning up you bow your head slightly and thank them.

A stylist brings you a satin robe to cover yourself in. You thank her and put it on just before getting up from the bed and walking towards wardrobe. Once you are done putting on your clothes, your manager leads you straight out the exit. Outside awaits the car that drives you everywhere. Literally everywhere.

‘‘ Tomorrow somebody has put in a special request for you to appear as the main lead girl in their music video. It’s short notice and I told them I would have to bump some things around and notify you. But they are paying us and you good money to be in it.’‘

Money? Sounds like a plan.

‘‘ It’s fine. Who am I shooting for?’‘ You say, fluffing your hair just a little while inspecting yourself in the rear view mirror.

Your makeup is still intact with no ruins and the contacts they had given you suited you very well. A hazel with a slight bit of teal. Suddenly the car moves off into the busy streets of Seoul. You can’t help but to notice every couple that walks along the sidewalks. They seem so happy, glad to be around each other.

On the floor of the car lies your little mini backpack filled with all of your items and belongings. Picking it up, you begin to dig through it looking for some hand lotion to soothe your semi-dry hands. Once you find it you gently start to squeeze the tube.

‘‘ Kim Namjoon.’‘

You freeze. Namjoon? The same Namjoon from the group? Joonie? It’s been well… a year since you’ve seen him in person. Hell since you’ve seen all of Bangtan Sonyeondan together. Except for lastnight when Hoseok and.. that guy showed up.

You sigh already knowing the answer from the question you are about to ask.

‘‘ From…?’‘ You ask then put the lotion back in your bag. Slowly you rub your hands together to moisturize.

Your manager quickly flips through the daily planner, ‘‘ Bangtan Sonyeodan but this is for one of his mixtape songs.’‘

Thank goodness.

‘‘ That’s fine. What time will the car be arriving tomorrow?’‘

‘‘ 8 am on the dot. You need to be there by 8:30. I’ll be tending to one of my other models tomorrow so you will be alone. I can send som-’‘

‘‘ No no it’s truly okay. I know how to manage things myself. Besides, I learn from you.’‘ You reassure her with one of your winning smiles, laying your head on her shoulder.

‘‘ Aigoo what am I going to do with you?’‘

The day ends very well. The movies you’ve been watching have kept you occupied. But not occupied enough for you to keep crying at all the sad parts in the chick flicks. Breakups, someone had died, someone had even just spilled something onto the floor and that was enough to send you into tears.Only because when the main lead boy rushed to help clean it up, it reminded you of Jimin last-night helping Isabel.

‘’What is going on with myself.’’ You blow your nose into a tissue for what seemed like the thousandth time today. Clara lets out one of her meows beside you then goes back to grooming herself.

You place her onto your lap and begin to run your fingers through her fur over and over again. Such a soothing effect to you as you stare into space sulking in your thoughts.

Why is it that you weren’t enough for him? Why is it that every single little thing reminds you of him? You gave him your all and he gave you his but what happened? Where did you go wrong? Cooked, cleaned, satisfied his needs. You guys had even started to plan out what you wanted out of a family. When you wanted a baby and what you would name it. It was fun. The whole relationship was fun. Right until that scandal.

Ding.. Ding.. Ding.. DI-

You unlock your phone immediately to stop that annoying dinging noise. Not surprisingly it’s a text from Jeon Jungkook.

Kookie : Im coming over I’ll be there in exactly 3 minutes.

Kookie: Don’t think about leaving either.

Kookie: Im bringing someone with me.

Kookie: We need to have a serious talk babycheeks.

You roll your eyes at the nickname he’s given you. No matter how many times you tell him you want him to change it, he declines. There’s no point in asking anymore.

Why would he want to talk anyways and who is the person he’s bringing. Eh.. it might just be Ryan they seem to do everything together as a team.

As soon as you step foot out of your bed the sound the door clicking makes your head shoot up. How in the living hell does he know the password to your house? Rage takes over you. That’s something that you hate. When people invade your personal space. In this case, personal home.

‘‘ Jeon fucking Jungkook!’‘ You scream, abruptly stomping your feet all the way to and out your bedroom door. Suddenly you stop at the sight of the two faces staring back at you.

Jungkook’s expression holds a concerned yet upset face while the other just stands there calm and cool. But you on the other hand are way besides that level.

Your eyes must be filled with rage and the expression on your face is no good. How dare he disrespect you like that? Bringing him into your home, knowing the bad blood between you two. Oh, they both have something coming towards them. You begin to walk to them again making each step make the floor shake.

‘‘ Get out. Both of you. One you invade my personal private home..’‘

You grab both boys by their collars, making sure to grip the one on the right’s harder than usual. ‘‘ Two, you fucking invite him over here.’‘ You drag each of them towards the exit. Which is going good until Jungkook rips your hands away from his shirt and takes you over his shoulder.

You’ve had enough of him and his invasive ways. Pounding on his back with your fists, you make sure to scream into his ear. “ Put me the fuck down Jeon Jungko-”

You hiss at the stinging sensation on your ass. Did he just? Jimin stands there awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. You make sure to make eye contact with him and roll your eyes. Something that always had and will piss him off.

‘‘ Hush. I told you all of us needed to have a deep talk about you.’‘

Jungkook plops your frail body onto one side of the couch in which he sits next to you. He motions for Jimin to come sit across from the both of you but you aren’t having it.

‘‘ Don’t you do it.” You glare at him. Jungkook sighs harshly only to pluck your forehead two times. You whine and rub it with your index and middle finger.

Jungkook shakes his head in disapproval, ‘‘ When are you ever going to learn? Jimin sit down now.”

‘‘ Truthfully.. I feel as though I shouldn’t be here so-”

“ Good. Get out you are unwanted.” You snap back causing him to give you one of his long stares with no facial expression at all.

Jungkook glares at you just before getting up to throw his hands in the air full of disappointment. “ Enough! “

Yelling. Something else you don’t like to hear being done at yourself. You finally sit still and quite avoiding any eye contact with the both of them.

He sits back down and clears his throat. Jungkook gives Jimin a look before continuing on.

‘‘ I gathered us here to talk about you..”

‘‘ Why. Im fine. How many times do I have to say it. Im fine im fine im fine im fucking fine!’‘ You exclaim, getting more mad by the second. When will people accept this?

‘‘ Baby.. ’‘

Your eyes shoot up to him and his soft voice. You didn’t want to but you did because his voice to you is like candy that melts into your mouth.

‘‘ Don’t call me that. You have a girlfriend at-least be loyal to her rather than what you did to me.’‘

‘‘ Fuck is anybody going to just sit here and listen? Can we at-least get to the source of the problem? Huh?’‘ Jungkook leans back into the couch clearly pissed by your attitude.

Jimin’s the first to speak and holds a firm eye contact with you, almost daring you to break away from it.

‘‘ Fine. Im just going to cut straight to it then. Why are you so jealous? You aren’t okay at all. I seen the way you looked at us yesterday. You wanted to break down so bad but you didn’t. It looks like you’ve been dropping weight day by day why aren’t you eating well?’’

You’re taken a-back by his jealous comment. Although you are you just cannot admit it. You are jealous. You do want him back. You cant bear to see him with another girl but you. But the fact that Jimin is concerned makes you really hope. Just hope that there is something left of you still in his heart.

‘‘ Jealous? Jealous tuh.” You scoff, leaning into Jungkook’s arms where you rest his head on your chest. You only do this just to see Jimin’s reaction and by the look on his face he doesn’t enjoy that move one bit.

‘‘ Yes jealous. I mean why else would you put almond extra-

‘‘ Woah. No need to go there. We established that it was a so called accident lastnight.” Jungkook does finger quotes into the air and looks down at you.

You lift your head up and furrow your eyebrows in annoyance, “ So called? So you really believe that I did it on purpose. Wow Jungkook. Escort yourself out.’’

He sighs, wrapping his arms around you securly in hopes of you settling down a  little, “ Honestly it’s not like that. I wasn’t there to see you bake them nor was I watching her eat it. Im just saying that you knew Jimin was coming and obviously his girlfriend was going to come too. It’s a little sketchy is all.”

There’s no fixing what he said. Him adding onto his explanation just made things sound worse than what he’s trying to say. You don’t have time to be ganged up on, nor like it at all. It’s best if they both just leave, to not turn nothing into something.

‘‘ Get out. Now. Before I call and tell Ryan what you said and then she’ll definitely deal with you.’‘ You say, removing yourself from off of him and onto the other side of the couch with your legs crossed.

Mad isn’t even the word to describe yourself right now. You’re just a mixture of all emotions.

Jungkook now looks of sorriness written all over his face. You bite your lip and shake your head while pointing towards the door. He sighs heavily and takes one last look at you while removing himself from the couch. You watch him slip on his coat and shoes.

Jimin gets up from his spot on the couch, ‘‘ I’ll be leav-”

‘‘ Sit down we aren’t done talking.” 

He looks at you with his eyebrows furrowed, sitting back down slowly.

Jungkook keeps his head down as he wraps his blue scarf around his neck. Poor baby, but he shouldn’t of said it. “Please better yourself and talk it out with each-other. Im leaving.”

‘‘ Make it home safely.. Kookie.” You sigh once the door closes behind him. Now you’re here. Face to face with Park Jimin.

The same Jimin who cheated on you. The same Jimin you haven’t seen in a while. You take a few moments to take in his appearance. He seems to have re-gained his muscles that are peaking through his black, longsleeve shirt. His thighs are still thick, just like his luscious lips. Of course he changed his hair color to black. But who knows, he might change it again.

‘‘ You’ve been doing well?’‘ You say, voice low but enough for him to hear. You drop your eyes to your lap instead of keeping intact with his.

‘‘ Yes. But you have not. Im disappointed in you. Why are you doing this to yourself? Don’t do this because of me.”

‘‘ Jimin you don’t know the feeling. You don’t know how it feels to be left wondering why you weren’t good enough for someone. Why they had cheated on you. You don’t understand at all and wont ever.’‘ Your voice cracks on the last sentence and you an feel the lump in your throat become sore.

He bites his lip unsure of what to say next. Those words had hit him good inside. ‘‘ Im sorry. I truly am. But you know the reason why we had to end it. I fucked up bad and the media was making the scandal bigger and messier day by day. It was better to just call it off.’‘

One by one your tears start to drop. You nose begins it’s running trip but you sniffle it back up.

‘‘ You could of denied it. You know you could of made a statement and denied it. But you felt something for her didn’t you? Didn’t you?’‘ You semi-yell, sobs already starting to take it’s way over.

He bites his lip once again and ruffles his fingers through his hair, “ Baby..’’

You wipe your tears with your hands making your face even more puffy from the crying. “ I am jealous. I am I admit it Jimin. But do you know i have been suffering for one year and two months? I can’t sleep at night because im so used to your touch at night. I look at every couple in Seoul and think to myself, Dang they seem so happy. What’s their secret?’’

Jimin sits up, making eye contact with you with tears welling up into his eyes. It hurt’s you more than yourself to see him crying. It always has.

‘‘ Please don’t do that. Don’t do this to yourself. Please get help from someone to try and move on. Please. I don’t like to see or hear you make yourself suffer.’ He begs, getting up from his seat and coming towards you.

Jimin sits next to you, hesitantly opening his arms up to you. Would it be wrong to embrace him? He’s being too sincere, but thats what you want right? You decide to just do it, and lean into him only for him to pull you in closer into his chest.You just lay there crying and sobbing while he runs his fingers through your hair. You shouldn’t be doing this. He has a girlfriend. But it feels so right.

‘‘ What does she have that I don’t? Why couldn’t you love me the same way you love her “  You cry into his chest, soaking his shirt with your tears. 

You’d been waiting for this moment to just let it out. Let everything out.

‘’ Please don’t make this harder than what it is right now. Just try and forget me and move on. Please.” Hypocritcal. How does he expect you to get over him when he’s the one whos holding you so tight right now. Soon enough his sniffles join yours in harmony.

You raise your head up and look him deep into the eyes while you wipe away his tears, “ Don’t cry Jimin. I’m the one supposed to be crying over you. Don’t cry.’’

He takes your hand away from his face and wraps his fist ontop of yours, “Please promise me you will move on okay?’’

You shake your head no, “ I can’t make that promise.”

He doesn’t say anything. He gently cradles you in his arms and lifts you up. You don’t think to where he is going. You just close your eyes and grab onto his shirt firmly not wanting to let go.

Soon enough you feel the cold sheets over your bed. He covers you in the duvet and leans down to your forehead.  A kiss. Your fist is still locked onto his shirt in which he tries to pry it away but you don’t want to let him go. He sighs and raises his arms up as he takes off the shirt revealing an extra plain white wife beater under it. Taking your other hand, he wraps your hand into another fist onto the shirt to where both of your hands are holding onto it.

‘‘ Please better yourself for me baby. Sleep and eat well. “

Is all he says before turning off the lights and walking out your bedroom door.  You can hear him putting on and zipping up his heavy coat but you just don’t make a sound.

The apartment door clicks and beeps letting you know he’s already gone.

[frosted-night]

Do you have any headcanons for cast as humans? I mean as a human au. (If this is too big of an ask thats fine)

BOY DO I

Let me just get my tome out n read y'all the lore I've made for no reason.

Jack

Left home after graduating to join a caravan and traveled across the country. He came back home after his parent's sudden deaths. He didn't want to leave his brother to deal with the estate by himself.

He still has his van from his adventures and he wants to paint it again to symbolize his new phase in life. It still has living accomdations inside it and Jack has little desire to change it.

He has a few tattoos, such as a hurricane symbol on his neck and a snowflake above one of his ankles. Jack also has a few ear piercings he did himself and he's surprisingly good at it.

If Jack isn't driving he travels by longboard. He had a skater boy phase but it payed off since he can still do a few tricks here and there.

(Sometimes I see human Jack either as cis or trans. It depends on how im feeling. A trans Human Jack post will be seperate from this one)

He's a skilled forager and grower since he had to do that as his years as a nomad. Jack wouldn't claim he's as skilled as Aster but he can be a runner up behind him.

Jack never had a solid relationship on the road. It was very fleeting feelings but he didn't seem to mind. Settling back down at his hometown had reawakened some buried feelings though.

He's fairly well known in his hometown for being a mischievous bastard in his teen years and his past with playing on the local hockey team.

Jack would describe his aesthetic as a love child of punk and free spirited hippie lifestyle.

He has unmedicated adhd

He's 6 or 7 years older than his younger brother Manny and it can make their relationship a bit strained. These days they are trying to mend it while taking care of their parent's old home.

His hair was originally brown but he bleaches it and dyes it white these days.

Manny (Mim)

He's one of the youngest in his friend group, beating Tooth by a few months.

Manny is the 2nd shortest, Sandy being the shortest.

Jack leaving home wasn't easy for him and after a while Manny fell out of contact. He regrets it to this very day but never stopped thinking about his big brother.

He has Thalassophobia, a fear shared with Jack, and Pitch teases him endlessly about it.

He's a natural blonde and his mom used to tell him that he got it from his dad's side of the family. Manny has yet to meet any of his extended family for some reason.

Cleaning out his parents house of their things was one of the hardest parts for him and would have been impossible if his friends didn't help him. (Jack coming home really changed the game too.)

He was a fairly average kid but had a streak of being kind of mean in school. It lasted until high school but he still carries that silver tongue between his teeth.

Tooth jokes about how often Manny visits the local aquarium and he deflects any guesses she makes. North knows Manny is crushing hard on a employee there and has a code word for the guy, "Ocean Man". Aster hums the song whenever he feels like he can poke fun of Manny.

His occupation is working at a pre-school/daycare. He's shockingly amazing with children and has considered a teaching position there but he has yet to decide on it.

Manny has been called a "night owl" by all his friends since his productivity increases when the sun goes down. Thats usually the time he gets to work on all the cleaning he's missed.

He currently lives in his childhood home with his brother. Thankfully their home was paid off by their parents so they just split the bills, but they have considered getting a roomie to help with the expenses.

His dream is to have any kind of a pool in his backyard but he has to wait til the finances balance themselves out.

Pitch

Was the newest person in the group before Jack joined. He's also one of the oldest.

His occupation is a horror novel writer and lives off of coffee even when hes not crunching to meet deadlines.

Pitch fights with insomnia but Sandy convinced him to start taking medication to help him sleep. He got kind of sick hearing Pitch make quick meals at 3am and tripping over his cat.

He has a cat named Onyx and he has that backpack with a window on it that he can put Onyx in. Onyx likes it very much and if she knows hes leaving somewhere she sits by the backpack and stares at him.

Halloween is when he's at his strongest. If he feels like it, he competes with North on who has the best decorations. Jack gave Pitch the idea of using dry ice and its a feature he brings back every other year or so.

He's one of the tallest people in the group, only coming a few inches shorter than North. Contrary to people asking him, he was never into basket ball and was was in the military for a period of time.

Pitch was living a hermit life until he was adopted into the group. With his wife long deceased and freshly dumped, he softly considers it a saving grace that everyone accepted him.

Katherine

An aspiring writer, she currently works at the neighborhood library. She finds it really relaxing since its sat right by a river bed.

She tries not to bug Pitch too much but on occassion she asks him to beta read her works. His criticism and tips energize her to get her works out there ten fold. Kat really wants to write fantasy, a little romance and a lot of kid's books.

Her favorite task at work is reading to kids. Shes an animated storyteller and the kids eat her antics up.

She was great friends with Jack when they were growing up but she followed his antics on a few of his accounts online.

She listens to a lot of rock music and punk pop due to North's influence when she was growing up. He's taken to her to her first concert and she treasures the merch and memories.

She gets around by bike because she hasn't gotten her lisence yet but North gives her lessons on the weekends. Kat's become a local cryptid because everyone has seen her whiz past on her bike at least once though.

A child(Jamie) she read to got her into cryptids and now she eats up any lore she can. They like to infodump on each other when they have the time.

This is post is long enough golly gosh. If y'all are interested i can post the others but for now take these samples. (The Hockey player Jack hc n ex military Pitch hc were influenced by a lovely fic written by my friends over at @bunnimew. Their fic is Surviving On Twinkies And Hope and i highly reccomend it)

[pinoy-culture]

before I ask my question, I just wanted to say thank you so so so much for keeping up your blog and consistently giving out information where its readily accessible!!!

maybe this will make me sound like an idiot but to preface, I’m a mixed filipino american. My mom is filipino and some chinese and my dad is some sort of european and puerto rican. i was wondering, in your opinion, do you think it’d be okay for me (eventually) work with diwata and anitos? And how can I start? Ive been trying to communicate with my ancestors and I’ve been looking for books to one day buy (im extremely broke so your blog and any filipino witches i come across is all the info i can get) but i honestly have no clue where to start other than with my ancestors (weird dreams lately but nothing ancestor related i think). i took a DNA test as a gift and it pointed, predominantly, to the Western Visayas so im assuming i should study more on pre-colonial Bisayan culture (my lolas from iloilo so it makes sense i guess) but i also know that “blood quantum” is a colonizer concept so i dont wanna rely on it too much :/ sorry to ramble but pls help lol

First, I'd like to say thank you for following the blog! It really does mean a lot to me to hear from others over the years on how much my blogs have helped them learn about our history and culture.

Now as for working with our diwata and the anito, that is completely ok. The whole blood quantum thing among some Filipinos I honestly don't agree with. As long as you have a family member who is Filipino, you are Filipino regardless of your "percentage" and of how you look. If you have Filipino blood in you, the ancestors are there with you. Even if you weren't raised within Filipino culture or a Filipino household because your parents never brought you up in it, or you are an adoptee like some I've met over the years. Your ancestors are your ancestors regardless. They see you and know you and that is all that matters.

Now there really isn't any book focused specifically on reviving our precolonial beliefs and practices. Yes, some did survive and some even blended in with a form of Folk Christianity in the Philippines. You can see many of the older practices and beliefs still alive, but they have been replaced with Catholic imagery and Saints.

But, in regards actually believing in and worshiping our old deities, doing rituals dedicated to the deity, or even some rites of passage like the Tagalog first menstruation rite of passage, or making carved figures dedicated to the diwata and anito, or performing maganito/paganito or atang to the diwata and anito, majority of Filipinos don't do this, or even know it.

So for being an Anito Reconstructionist, which is a label I personally use for my spiritual beliefs and others have adopted, there really isn't a book for it. A Reconstructionist in other ethnic spiritual paths, such as the Celtic, Roman, Aztec, Kemetic, Greek, Norse, etc., are those who look at historical records to try and piece together what was once practiced and believed in prior to Christianity. Over many years, these different spiritual paths have eventually come together, formed a community, and have resources like books and teachers. They have had the time to do all the research and put together a more formal spirituality based on those Pre-Christian beliefs and bringing it to the modern day where they have hundreds to thousands of people who have gone back to those beliefs. With some, they have even created temples, shrines to their deities, and even have celebrations.

Unfortunately that is not the case for us. However, due to the growing interest in our precolonial beliefs and practices over the years, I can see Anito Reconstructionism growing within the next several years. It already has, with many people actually trying to learn more about these beliefs and our old deities. The amount of people of people I've seen and talked to who have expressed their interest to reclaim these precolonial beliefs and practices is nothing compared to 10 years ago when it was hard to even find one or two people who did.

It is why I've been writing this book for a few years now dedicated to helping others in wanting to reclaim our precolonial beliefs and practices as a starting point in their research. For now though, I always recommend those who are starting to simply just read the historical texts. Grab a notebook and write down notes. Organize your notes into deities, rituals, how to make an offering, any prayers to a specific deity, how to set up an altar, etc.

Seeing as your family is from the island of Panay in the Western Bisayas, like my moms side are from, I would start with looking at the Bisayan precolonial beliefs and practices. A really good reference is reading Francisco Alcina's History of the Bisayans (1668). Volume 3 is available online in English which you can find here. Volume 3 goes into a lot of detail in the beliefs and practices. The Boxer Codex, if you are able to get a copy of the English translation, is also really good reading material.

Getting Started:

In terms of getting started, keep in mind that there is no one monolithic belief system or practice in the Philippines. Before there ever was a Philippines, we were different nations with different beliefs and practices. It is important to know your ethnic groups beliefs and practices and know their history. For example, I am Bisaya (Akeanon specifically) and Tagalog and that is what I work with. Others who I know follow the Bikolano, Kapampangan, or Ilokano beliefs. Though there are some similarities, each ethnic group had their own set beliefs and practices.

I often tell people that you can't just mix and match between them. For example, though I work with both the Tagalog and Bisayan pantheons, I wouldn't dare do a ritual offering to both a Tagalog or Bisayan deity at the same time. It's always separate. You also can't combine 2 similar deities together from different ethnic groups just because they share similar attributes. It's just rude and disrespectful.

Start out small. Set up an altar dedicated to your ancestors. If you have any family members who have passed, put a photo of them on the altar. Leave offerings of rice cakes such as suman, food like chicken adobo, or even a cup of drink such as tuba, lambanog, or even Red Horse beer. But if you can't get access to an alcoholic drink either because one you are a minor or 2 it's not available where you live, you can simply replace it with a non-alcoholic drinks like coconut juice. Get a coconut shell or a seashell to either place these offerings as bowls/plates or even use them to put your kamangyan or incense.

Then start researching how our Bisayan ancestors worshiped and practiced. Study the history and read historical accounts, books, and articles about them. Write down what you have learned on these precolonial beliefs and practices and reconstruct or revive them. This is what Polytheistic Recinstructionists do. I have listed links to these texts here.

Ask questions to your family, particularly your elders. See if they know of anything or if they can share some traditional practices and beliefs they know of have heard of. You would be surprised how, despite some families being really religious, many still believe in the spirits, do some form of ancestor veneration, believe in omens that are being told to you by the ancestors or spirits, etc.

If you can, try to go back to the Philippines and see your family's ancestral home, see where they grew up, etc. Ask about family stories and folk stories. For example, my mom grew up in Aklan and has always told me stories of the aswang and certain omens. She also constantly talks about the mischievous "little people" who play tricks on you (for example putting something down like your keys and then it goes missing, until you find it again somewhere else). In the Western Bisayas, they are known as kama-kama. There is also a story of how her grandmother's cat visited her during her wake. The cat was missing for years, but it came back and stayed sleeping on top of the casket for days before it left. My mom told me that it was the cat paying their respects to her grandmother.

Keep in mind also and acknowledge our indigenous communities who have kept their beliefs and practices. Don't try to take them into your own. I have seen people cherry pick things from the Manobo of Mindanao or the Kalinga in the Cordillera, which is just disrespectful. Many of the IP, though some still have kept their beliefs, it isn't the most important aspect to them. What they are most concerned about are other issues such as losing their homes due to occupation by oil or logging companies, other settlers such as the Tagalog and Bisayans (especially in Mindanao), getting targeted as "rebels" by the Philippine military and often getting killed. But, by cherry picking beliefs especially of the IP groups, it's just disrespectful.

I will be teaching classes on Anito Reconstructionism soon and will have my first class possibly at the end of the month or next month. I decided to do these classes seeing as there is a growing community who are interested, but don't know where to start. I'll be doing a proper announcement on these classes real soon so look out for the announcement and hopefully you will be able to join!

[heyitsyn]

Keeping Up With Seijoh Ep. 7

a/n: im sorry but takeru could take my uwus like hes so adorable yall 🥺😭

anon:

-LETS BE HONESTTT WITH OURSELVES. oikawa bringing takeru to practice cuz he forgot he promised to watch him n so he asks you to watch him while he rushes off to change— and then takeru goes OFF after he hears that YOURE the person uncle tooru keeps talking about. he basically just exposes oikawa, gets on your good side w all the embarrassing blackmail material he can provide, and oikawa comes back to you grinning like a madwoman HAHAHAHAHA c,:

tumblr moot:

-‘ Omg Takeru spills to his mom and grandmother how Oikawa had a crush and how awkward he is around this girl. Which leads to them inviting her over without Oikawa knowing. He comes home one day, a lil upset because yn wasn't at practice only to hear her giggling with his mother and sister while having tea ‘

NOW THIS IS THE REAL TEAAA!!!!!!!

TAKERU IS SUCH A MOOD MY GOD IMAGINE HAVING A CRACKHEAD UNCLE LIKE OIKAWA!!!!😭😭😭😭

uwu yes i love this req so lets start

so basically

two words:

uncle oikawa

bahahaha no not really but yes really tho

anyways

this is going to basically be the scenario where takeru has accepted you as his auntie

so sit down my little grasshoppers because this is finna be a long one

it all started when oikawa forgot his promise

now,

oikawa prides himself in being a know-it-all and being ‘responsible’ or shit like that but hes,,,,, far from that

like how he was currently running towards the gym where takeru’s volleyball class was at because he forgot that his sister made him promise to pick his nephew up since she was working overtime today

oikawa tooru didnt care about his appearance and the way he huffed as he sonic nyoomed his way there since he was more scared of what his sister would do to him if she finds out he was late

the sight of the gym door has never felt so good

‘TAKERU!!’

he yelled and a head peaked out that belonged to the one and only boy

‘uncle, youre so loud’

he chided and tooru rolled his eyes before grabbing his hand

‘hey, go get your stuff. im late and y/n is going go kill me if im not there’

takeru rolled his own eyes and went at a snail’s pace as he packed up his knee pads and his water bottles

‘TAKERU HURRY UP WHAT-!’

‘hmm,, dont lie uncle. you just want to see the pretty goddess nee-chan’

OKAY TAKERU DANG

so basically,,

its been mentioned that you call the boys a lot or its them calling you and oikawa happens to be the one who calls you constantly

and takeru lives with them and he’s usually up quite late so he hears tooru downstairs while talking to you

like one time, he couldnt sleep and his mom told him to drink warm milk to help him so he was just going down the stairs when he heard tooru laugh

now, dont get him wrong

hes heard his uncle laugh before so hes seen how he laughs around girls and it was like nails on a chalkboard

but this time, it sounded very genuine and his chuckles were almost,,, shy

and he figured that tooru was talking to a girl since he kept saying a girl’s name

‘y/n-chan~ youre so cute~ dont make me come over there and kiss you~’

oikawa cooed and takeru cringed 

so he was talking to you

he was no stranger to your name as he once teased his uncle for being whipped and got an hour long rant about how beautiful you were and nice and angelic and how you were just an angel on earth

so yea he knew you

tooru’s voice became clearer as he stepped foot into the kitchen

even a child like him could tell his uncle was basically in love with you

and he doesnt even really know what love is!!

‘disgusting’

the child said and tooru, who believes in ghosts and is the biggest scaredy cat, shrieked at the sudden voice 

‘oikawa-san? what’s wrong?’

your voice could be heard through his phone but tooru quickly told you good night and ended the call before he got off the chair and crossed his arms to stand in front of takeru

‘what did you say?’

he asked and takeru looked up at him, mimicking his pose

‘i said, its disgusting, uncle’

oikawa looked offended

‘what?! how could you say that?!’

takeru shrugged then he walked over to the fridge

‘yozora-kun told me that girls have cooties and we would die if we get it’

god it was such a childish thing to say but to an actual child like takeru, it sounded perfectly valid

‘its gross and nasty and he said you get all sweaty and you get a fever and ew’

tooru shook his head in disbelief before going over to help the boy get a glass

‘its not nasty or gross or disgusting, takeru. its actually,,, really nice. you dont die from it and you get sweaty when you get nervous and you dont get a fever, you just get flustered, thats all’

takeru still didnt believe him

‘well, he also said girls become monsters and they would eat your face’

KFJDSLFJSLDKIM SCREAMING

oikawa chortled 

‘what?!’

‘you heard me. all girls are monsters and you should protect yourself, uncle’

but when he met you, my oh my, you were no monster

you were,,,,,, really really really pretty

poor takeru doesnt really know the real meaning of beautiful so he settled on you being really really really really pretty

like when oikawa dragged him in the gym, takeru stared at you 

his mind couldnt process on the fact that someone as pretty as you even existed 

but that doesnt really say much since hes only like 8

BUT STILL

oikawa was hurriedly shoving them both in the gym and he was annoyed that takeru was just standing there but he was really just watching you as you scurried around to give the team their towels

‘takeru! come on!’

tooru’s voice snapped him out of it so he finally walked forward

‘y/n-chan~!’

oikawa called out and iwaizumi was about to yell at him for being late but you already had your bad bitch face on and you were strutting over

‘oikawa tooru, do you know how late you are?!’

you scolded and pulled his ear down to your height

‘eeeehhhh~~??? y/n-chan dont be so rough! it hurts! dont hurt oikawa-san!’

he teased to ease your anger but you sucked in a sharp breath

‘ill make sure it hurts more’

oikawa turned pale and started pleading and stuttering

‘please pleaseplease y/n-chan, i had to pick up takeru and it was a total mess and-’

at the mention of takeru, you let go of him and you finally caught sight of the little boy

ohmygee he was so adorable and youre just a sucker for adorable kids so you kinda squatted to his height since the height difference wasnt that big

you gave him a big smile and waved a hand

‘hey, you must be takeru. im y/n’

the poor kid’s face turned red unknowingly and he stiffened before nodding aggressively

‘my name is oikawa takeru and i am 6 years old’

he hand out his hands to prove his age and you giggled before nodding

‘my name is l/n y/n and i am 16 years old’

you held out 10 fingers then switched to having 6 up like he did

‘waaaa youre,,,’

the boy paused to subtract with his fingers before looking up at you with wide eyes

‘youre 10 years older than me!’

you sweatdropped at the sudden thought of being old 

‘hmm i guess i am’

you tilted your head to the side and continued to talk to the boy, completely oblivious to the stares from the others

they all sported a bright red blush and red ears at the thought of you being so good with kids and what if it was their own?

kindaichi gasped and held his hands to his face to cover the burst of all shades of red that decorated his entire face

OHMYGOSH THEYRE SO WHIPPED WHAT

‘ne, nee-chan, i know you’

takeru spoke as you led him to sit down on the bleacher, away from the practicing team and from any rogue balls

‘oh? you do?’

‘eung! uncle talks about you all the time! and he calls you too! i live with him, see, and nana yells at him for being on his phone during dinner because hes talking to you’

takeru admitted and you turned red, suddenly flustered

‘he talks about me? what does he say about me, take-chan?’

the little boy paused, holding his chin to think, then he lit up

‘he calls you beautiful goddess y/n-chan!’

YALL TAKERU IS SO CUTE WHAT THE HECK

‘he does?’

you asked, wholeheartedly surprised

takeru violently nods his head

‘yes! uncle talks about you all the time! my friend yozora wants to meet you too!’

‘hah? who is that?’

takeru sheepishly scratches his cheek

‘yozora-kun told uncle that girls are gross but uncle got mad and told him you were different because you were pretty and nice and yozora wants to see if you really were’

you laughed at the childish claims of this yozora boy

‘well,,, take-chan, do you think im gross?’

you asked, making the boy flustered again

‘no,,,, nee-chan is really pretty’

he mumbled while twiddling his fingers and you squealed before hugging him

‘oh, take-chan! you should visit more often!’

takeru nodded, smiling at how warm you were

‘eung! i love nee-chan! see? i can say i love nee-chan because im not a coward like uncle!’

you pulled away just slightly with a raised eyebrow

‘what are you talking about, takeru?’

the child puffed out his chest and his lip took on a smug angle

‘uncle talks to the mirror every morning! he says hes practicing! he takes forever just saying he loves you in the mirror and he doesnt let me pee! but its okay! because uncle can keep being coward but i get the pretty nee-chan!’

a disbelieving smile settled itself on your face and you absentmindedly caressed his smaller hand

‘what else does uncle do, take-chan? you see, nee-chan wants to tease him!’

takeru paused then lit up

‘oh! before i was born, mama told me uncle ate flowers because he thought his fart would smell like roses!’

‘hah?!’

your cries of shock made the boy laugh and you joined in with him

‘also! iwa-nii made me a tree house, right?! and uncle wanted to go in but he was too big so he got stuck at the front door! iwa-nii had to take the front part out and used soap to get him out!’

your cackles attracted the now ready captain and oikawa had an uneasy look

that little brat mustve told you some embarrassing stories based on how you laughed

‘oi! takeru! you shut your mouth right now, young man!’

he shouted and quickly stomped over to you at the bleachers

but you held the boy close, protecting him from the angry brunette

‘no! you stay away, oikawa-san! nee-chan will protect you, take-chan!’

you proclaimed and takeru was more than happy to snuggle closer and stick his tongue out at his uncle

you had a similar mischevious look and a wide but scary grin on your face that spelled nothing but trouble

was he,,,, being blackmailed right now?

tooru was scandalised at the thought and the act causign him to lunge over to you, tickling your sides so you could loosen your grip on the child

but you held on, giggling loudly causing takeru to also laugh when tooru’s fingers would touch his side too

‘no! stop-! ack-! tooru!’

you shouted but tooru was able to find an opening to grab takeru by under his arms and you reached over to grab him back but he was already lifted high

‘now what did you tell her, you brat?’

‘nothing!’

takeru shrieked but tooru hummed, not quite believing him

‘i dont think so’

tooru sat down on the floor and placed takeru on his lap with his fingers quickly hitting his ticklish spots

‘NOOO!!!! UNCLE!!!!’

you giggled and joined over, completely forgetting where you were and what your responsibilities are

okay can we take a second on how cute this moment is?

like despite the team practically being in love with you, they couldnt help but think of how much you guys looked like a family

iwa herded everyone to stop staring and keep practicing bc he knew that this was the first time tooru has been truly happy in a very long time

by the end of practice, you and takeru were practically best friends already

you were very sad to have to let him go home but he promised to come back soon

tooru gave him over to iwa so he could talk to you while you were packing up

you were putting on your jacket when you felt him tap your shoulder

with a smile, you turned around and he mirrored your grin

well,,, it was more like a shy and bashful grin

from behind him, you could see takeru being lifted by mattsun and his laughter echoed in the wind

tooru noticed your gaze then chuckled softly

‘thank you for,,, yanno,, keeping him busy’

you waved your hands around with a laugh

‘nonono! its okay! really! hes so adorable that i look forward to seeing him again!’

he let out a relieved sigh then placed his hands in his pockets, rocking on the balls of his feet

‘y/n,, youre really good with kids’

that comment made you flustered but you waved it off

‘nah, i just connect with them more. theyre so easily entertained and the innocence is nice’

‘well,, youll be a great mother in the future’

you chuckled then ruffled his soft hair

‘youll be a great father in the future then oikawa-san’

at first, he was just going to laugh it off but then the image of you playing with a child who possessed chocolate brown locks and beautiful e/c eyes appeared

he turned red and he fumbled for a response, completely speaking gibberish with no idea of what to even say

unfortunately for him, the team was not in a far distance and they could hear oikawa sputtering nonsense so to ‘help’ him, they started shouting for you guys to hurry up

‘come on! lets go, you guys! the bakery closes in a 10 minutes!’

makki yelled and you perked up and waved to signal you were going

‘come on, oikawa-san!’

you grabbed his hand and pulled him along

takeru noticed his uncle’s red face and a cute sly smile creeped up on his face

‘hmmm,,,,’

then he started a plan

and wow god must’ve wanted him to succeed because its like the fates and the stars and the universe just aligned

takeru was walking with his mom around a supermarket when he noticed your familiar h/c hair

‘y/n nee-chan!’

he shrieked before he could even stop himself and you were startled, wildly looking around for the person who said your name

‘nee-chan!’

takeru shouted again, running away from his mom towards you

‘takeru-!’

yall what is oikawa’s sister’s name? lets name her ‘tara’

tara shouted for her son and ofc ran after him when he didnt listen

‘takeru!’

you greeted back and winced a little when the force fo the little boy crashed into your legs

‘nee-chan! momma, look its nee-chan!’

takeru said when his mother caught up to him

‘oikawa takeru! you never run in the store like that again, you hear me?’

she scolded but then smiled up at you

‘oh hello darling, you must be y/n. im tara, tooru’s older sister and takeru’s mom’

she outstretched her hand for you to shake so you awkwardly shook it

‘uh-im l/n y/n’

‘momma! shes the pretty nee-chan i told you about! and shes the one uncle talks to every night!’

you cringed a little when takeru was excitedly talking as he was attracting other people with his loud voice

tara bless her heart noticed your discomfort and told you to go and follow her to the checkout if you were done

she ended up paying for your stuff despite your protests but she excused it as ‘consider this as payment for putting up that idiot brother of mine’

takeru wanted to show off so he held your bags but you still held on to their own to help tara out

‘ne, nee-chan! why are you not with uncle? its practice today, right?’

takeru asked as you three walked down the street

‘natsu’s sick so i was picking up some porridge for him to eat. i excused today because i wanted to take care of him’

takeru lit up

‘nee-chan! you should come over! nana wants to meet you too!’

tara rolled her eyes at her son with a smile

‘no, take-kun. nee-chan needs to go home to look after-’

‘ah, its okay, oikawa-san! natsu wont be awake for a while so i can spare an hour or two’

‘yey!’

tara made small talk with you while takeru hummed in front of you

‘thank you so much for putting up with my two boys, y/n. i heard from hajime that you kept takeru company while tooru practiced’

you nodded

‘it wasnt a big deal though. i love takeru, hes a sweetheart. and oikawa-san takes good care of him’

tara chuckled

‘as much as takeru loves to poke fun at tooru, he really does appreciate him you know? without a father, i worried on who would be his male figure. but tooru lived up to his title and takeru wants to do everything he does. like say, volleyball’

you followed along and you could see the little bits of tooru even by the way takeru walked

the little skip that his uncle had seemed to copy itself on to the nephew with even the happy humming

‘oikawa-san is,,, a really great person’

you off-handedly mentioned and tara looked at you from the corner of her eye 

warmth blossomed in her chest because although she knew how much of an insecure and rash person her brother was, he deserves someone who talks about him with such love in their voice

even the look in your eyes was enough to make her think,

yep, you are the one

omg nana oikawa is ltr head-over-heels for you already

the love for y/n is an oikawa thing

when takeru opened the door, nana oikawa rushed to greet her grandson when she saw another person

a girl

‘nana! nana! this is y/n nee-chan! uncle’s pretty goddess!’

uwu nana knows who exactly you are

lets just say shes exactly like takeru and has witnessed her son lovingly talk to some y/n girl at 3 in the morning

and her son has expressed his love and admiration towards you every chance he can

so yes lets just say she knows who you are

thats why nana brightly smiled and quickly ushered you into the house

‘oh come in! come in! takeru-kun, go lead y/n-chan to the couch and make her comfortable! ill get tea!’

takeru nodded and he grabbed your hand with his small one to go to the living room

you awkwardly sat stiffly, not exactly knowing what to do as this entire family seemed to know who you are

takeru settled himself beside you and was actively talking about what they did at volleyball practice today

you were enamored in his story that you didnt notice nana walk in with a try of tea with tara trailing behind her with cookies

you moved to help her but nana shook her head with a gentle smile before sitting down at the chair beside the couch

‘here you go, dear’

you bowed slightly and held the cup of green tea

everyone was now settled and you were nervously tapping your finger against the cup

you dont even know why youre nervous

its like youre suddenly meeting your boyfriend’s family without your boyfriend actually there

‘so,’

you jumped a little at the voice of nana and she smiled at you

‘oh dear dont be so nervous! we’re not that bad! we dont bite’

‘unless you want us to’

takeru whispered and you giggled, ruffling his hair with your free hand

‘so youre the famous y/n-chan then?’

you nodded again

‘takeru told us all about his adventures at seijoh the other day and, well,, he likes to tease his uncle but,, we believe him’

tara smiled, remembering her son’s words

‘nee-chan, i told them that uncle was very weird and shy and awkward and it was so weird’

he whispered, yet still able to be heard by everyone in the room

‘oh my, when we heard that we couldnt believe a person, much less a female, could even do that to him! i worried that my son would never develop interest in any girl but it seems i was worrying for nothing!’

nana giggled and you couldnt help but smile, realizing her laugh sounded exactly like tooru’s

‘you know, y/n, tooru’s never really had a crush before. and believe me, id know but even with his last girlfriend, which was also his first, he didnt seem interested at her in that way-well, maybe he was but he wasnt exactly enamored with her like he is with you’

you knew little about tooru’s first and last girlfriend

it was the butt of mattsuhana’s jokes all the time but you never partook bc you could see how,,, sad,,, tooru looks whenever its brought up

but you turned red,hand waving at her last comment

‘oh nonono, youre wrong. uhh, how do i say this,, oikawa-san,,, he just appreciates me bc,, i,,, reject his advances,, and,,, bring him milk bread,,, and banana milk,,,, and such,,,’

you trailed off and the two older women shared a look behind their cups

heh, it was refreshing to have tooru do the chasing this time

‘you must be wondering how, we, you know, know you, right?’

you nodded at nana’s question

she chuckled then placed her tea down

‘you see, we are aware of tooru’s,,,, expiditions. and by that, we mean the interest of others in him and his returned interest. but hes our family so we know that his interest is,, actually fake’

you looked down, knowing exactly what shes talking about

‘especially with girls, we see his annoyance, his ignorance, and we’re not proud of it. but with you, when he talks about you, its as if he was talking about the,,, the love of his life!’

you were startled, not sure if you should be proud of that or confused about that

‘mom! dont say that!’

tara nagged but nana shrugged her off

‘no, i want to express my gratitude for this girl. y/n, i want you to know now that,,, my son is damaged’

‘takeru cover your ears’

tara hurried and the boy shot his mother a confused look but still did it anyways

‘tooru,,, feels that he shouldnt burden us as he’s now the man of the house after his father and i’s separation. and,,, perhaps its the past of his father’s but,,, he doesnt let anyone in, except for us and hajime’

nana oikawa’s eyes held sadness

a raw emotion that shouldnt be shown to a stranger but by how much and how often tooru talks about you, she practically knew you already

‘and he refuses to do anything that isn’t necessary. he hates doing pointless things unless they will serve him purpose in the future thats why he focuses on that damn sport so much, even giving himself injuries! i worried and worried for him but then,, you came along. all the sudden, i see the life in his eyes that was wrongly taken from him, be replaced and its all because of a girl. ive never heard tooru talk about someone else other than his team or hajime so it was quite a surprise for us that he found someone who was, what he considers, worth his time. and the way,, the way he looks when he talks,,, y/n, i believe you are what he says, an angel’

a sudden wave of tears appeared as nana oikawa looked up to meet your eyes and you let out a stiff laugh but you tightened your grip on your cup

‘you are,,, my son’s angel’

DKFLJSKDFJDSLKFJSDLKFJD MY FEELS

the conversation was quickly shifted by tara as she could see the conflict in the way your eyebrows furrowed and the rapid movement of your pupils

she knew that you were probably still at a stage that you didnt realize your captain’s real and authentic feelings for you and she didnt want you to find out this way 

tara knows how emotional her mother can get regarding her son so she switched to another topic to not get too in deep with the whole situation

next thing you knew, you were giggling and laughing at nana oikawa’s merciless onslaught of her son’s childhood events

you attempted to hide your laugh by sipping your drink but it still came out wholeheartedly

‘yes! i wondered for a whole week as to why my roses were disappearing and i never would’ve thought id find my son eating them at 6 in the morning!’

nana cackled while takeru was so laugh-tired that he slumped over to your side, completely breathless

‘oh! dont forget the mickey mouse one! you see, y/n, we spent about a week at my aunts house and tooru saw a mouse! the poor child woke everyone up at midnight, screaming about a mouse sleeping next to him! and just to top it off, we visited disneyland and, whew, we just know now to avoid mickey mouse. to this day, that child is still traumatized by that cartoon’

meanwhile at seijoh,

oikawa was sneezing nonstop and iwaizumi has bonked him many many times now

‘OI! IF YOU GET SICK RIGHT NOW I WILL HIT YOU!’

‘OH GREAT! ILL BE SICK AND HAVE A CONCUSSION AT THE SAME TIME! THANKS IWA-CHAN!’

tooru irritably snapped and iwa was even surprised at how snippy he was

‘oi, what crawled up your ass and died today’

oikawa pouted then stomped his foot like a child

‘y/n isnt here today’

‘oikawa shes taking care of her cousin! she has a life outside of us you know?’

makki teased but flinched when tooru stomped his foot harder

‘but im her life! im all she needs!’

the entire team sweatdropped at the sight of makki and mattsun holding back their bara arms vice captain from beating up their captain 

‘ill be sure to give him mickey mouse stickers next time!’

you teased and they laughed

there was still remaining giggles left when the door handle twisted and the front door opened, revealing the man of the hour himself

takeru perked up and ran to the door to greet his uncle

‘uncle! uncle!’

he exclaimed and tooru sighed before grinning at him

his ears twitched at a familiar muffled giggle but he thought nothing of it by excusing it as him missing you so much that hes now hearing you

the thought of you dampened his mood again

‘uncle is too sad to play with you, takeru’

takeru’s head tilted to the side and one eyebrow was raised

‘heh? why? iwa-nii bonk you too hard?’

tooru shook his head solemnly

‘no. my darling wasnt there today and-’

‘oikawa-san, welcome home’

you emerged into the small hallway and tooru’s jaw dropped

then he snapped out of the surprise and ran straight towards you, picking you up and twirling you around

‘Y/N-CHAN~~~~~!!!!!’

he cheered and you giggled, trying to hold on to his shoulders to stabilize yourself

‘dont be so loud, oikawa-san’

you chided but with a smile

tooru calmed down however he still held you in his arms and was looking up at you with a grin, completely missing the fact that youre even at his house

‘its so nice to have y/n-chan greet me at the door. its like i have a wife! you wanna be my wife, y/n?’

you blushed a deep red and flicked his forehead

‘oikawa-san, your mother and sister is-’

you whispered harshly but a sudden shout made you both turn

‘NO! NEE-CHAN IS MY WIFE! NOT UNCLE’S! SHES TOO PRETTY FOR A COWARD LIKE UNCLE! I WILL FIGHT FOR NEE-CHAN! SURRENDER, UNCLE!’

you and oikawa looked at each other exasperatedly but with a fond look in your eyes

‘go’

you whispered

‘avenge me, oikawa-san’

that was enough for him to drop you gently and run to tackle takeru, who was giggling and kicking the air

you returned to your spot on the couch but shrunk back at the smirks the two oikawa women were directing to you

nana oikawa wanted you to have dinner with them so you stayed and oikawa held your hand under the table

even though they could obviously see it but yanno just stay quiet

‘y/n-chan, as much as i love you being here and meeting my family, how did you get here?’

takeru proudly raised his hand and swallowed his food

‘I BROUGHT NEE-CHAN HERE! I SAW HER AT THE MARKET!’

tooru nodded and reached over to ruffle his head

‘thank you, takeru! you turned uncle’s bad day to a good one!’

you turned to him with a worried look

‘huh? did something happen while i was away?’

tooru shook his head and pouted at you with his puppy eyes

‘y/n-chan wasnt there at practice today and oikawa-san missed her very much and-’

‘oikawa-san, please refrain from speaking in third person’

‘BUT Y/N-CHAN-!’

again, the two oikawa women shared a look

yep, you are the one

oikawa naturally took it upon himself to walk you home by saying ‘y/n-chan shouldnt walk home by herself!’

but in reality, he just wanted to spend more time with you because he didnt get to do that today

he just wanted his daily fill of you

O_O

aNYwAys

you both were walking down the street, hand-in-hand

KDSFJLSDKFJ FLASHBACKS FROM THE OIKS ROUTE

‘i love your family, oikawa-san’

you said and he giggled

‘well, just wait a few years and youll be a part of it too’

you blushed and smacked him on the chest making him wince and exagerrate an ‘ow!’

‘your mom,,, really loves you. and your sister, and takeru! theyre really nice and im happy your family loves you so much’

‘what about you? do you love me?’

you hummed

‘eung! i love oikawa-san! and the boys! i love all of you!’

DKFLJSDKFJSDLKFSJD NOOOOO FLASHBACKS AGAIN TO THE KUWS EPISODE OF THEM LEAVING AND OIKAWA TELLING HER HE LOVES HER ANDFJDKFJSDKFLDKJ ACK! FEELINGS!

oikawa had a sad smile on but he didnt push any further

‘well! you met my family already so now its my turn to meet yours!’

you turned to give him a deadpan expression

‘oikawa-san, my father chased you with a broom. i dont think its safe for you to even step foot at my front porch’

oikawa scoffed and puffed out his chest smugly

‘hah! your oikawa-san is a strong man! he doesnt get scared over some broom!’

‘oh! oikawa-san! i need to get your opinion on this! i want to give iwa-san this mickey poster but-’

noticing that oikawa was no longer walking beside you, you turned around to see him staring at the spot you were previously at 

‘oikawa-san?’

he didnt answer and you giggled

‘oh? is it mickey mouse? you scared?’

you neared the phone to his face and then his eyes settled on the terrifying face of the disney character

oikawa screamed

a/n: AAAAAAAAA WE FINALLY GETTING THROUGH REQS AND IM SO HAPPY THAT MY TEACHER IS SO NICE AND OMGOMGOMG MY FRIEND GOT INTO AN ACCIDENT AND WE WERE TALKING ABOUT HOW A BIRD GOT INTO OUR CLASSROOM AND SDKFJDSLFKJSDLKFJSDLFKJNOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyways, how yall been? i know ive been gone for a hot sec but uwu hey!!! 

[spacedikut]

“i want to love someone and be loved” ; spencer reid - part 2

pairing: spencer reid (criminal minds) x f!reader

summary: spencer decides it’s time to tell you, but he needs some help. 3887 words. part 1

a/n: THIS is the longest fic ive ever written but im actually kinda proud of how it turned out? i hope this is a good sequel :)

Spencer chickens out of telling you the next day.

He avoids you all weekend, actually. You resisted texting him the day after Rossi’s because you assumed he’d be busy – with his big plan involving a girl that isn’t you. You’re not bitter – but Sunday comes around and you message him not long after you wake up and six hours later there’s no response.

Twelve hours later - there’s no response.

Monday, you don’t have time to say hello to anyone – there’s a case waiting for you, somewhere in Florida.

Reid avoids your eyes. His body language tells you something is wrong, so you assume whoever he confessed to didn’t reciprocate (they’re insane) and he’s dealing with it. So you don’t press.

Spencer pretends to sleep the entire jet ride. He’s avoiding everyone, not just you.

He spent the whole weekend beating himself up. He drove to your apartment on Saturday, sat outside for so long a neighbour knocked on his window and asked if he was lost, but couldn’t bring himself to step foot out of his car.

So he locked himself in his room, away from you and your loveliness and away from his phone because he knew you texted him and he knew you’d send some soft message about being there for him if he needs anything and he didn’t need to be reminded of how beautiful and out of reach you are.

Derek seemed to be waiting for him Monday morning, arms crossed as he held a cup of coffee. It was weird seeing him in before Spencer.

“How’d it go?” He immediately asked.

“How’d what go?” Spencer mumbles, flinging his bag on the floor by his desk. He slumps in his seat.

Derek raises a dark eyebrow, “You know what, pretty boy. You had a big thing? Big plan?”

“Didn’t work out.”

It doesn’t take a profiler to realise Spencer is very clearly saying leave me alone. Leave it alone.

Derek isn’t one to leave it alone. Especially when it comes to Spencer.

He sighs and moves a little closer to Spencer’s desk, just in case someone overhears them.

“What happened?”

“That’s exactly it,” Spencer slams open a file, “Nothing happened.”

“And why did nothing happen?”

“Because I’m an idiot that can’t even tell a girl how I feel.”

“Whoa- hey!”

Derek spins Spencer’s chair so they’re face to face. Derek takes one look in Spencer’s eyes and knows what’s going on – he got too into his head and backed out at the last minute.

“You’re not an idiot. Why didn’t you do it?”

Spencer shrugs, “I got to her apartment. I had flowers, too. I don’t know.”

Derek’s evidently concerned – Spencer’s beaten up over this, over whoever this girl is, and he deserves the chance to experience love. Spencer deserves a lot more than he himself thinks he does.

“You seemed really excited, man. You can still do it. Just cause you try once and it doesn’t work out doesn’t mean you can’t ever try again.”

Spencer stares off into the distance, accidentally ignoring Derek as his thoughts slip out of his mouth, “Yeah, it probably wouldn’t have worked anyway – I was stupid to think I could get someone like her.”

“Hey, no.” Derek nudges Spencer’s shoulder so he looks at him again, “Don’t talk like that. You’re one hell of a guy, Reid. All you gotta do is get that confidence that you had Friday night back, and you’re all set. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

Spencer gives a feeble nod. Derek moves back to his desk, knowing he isn’t convinced, but he isn’t done yet.

+++

Later, in Florida, Spencer’s making a coffee in the precinct’s kitchen after waiting twenty minutes for you to leave. Luck’s on his side, for once, and you’ve been working non-stop with Prentiss going crime scene to crime scene so he hasn’t had to actively avoid you. You smile at him every chance you get, though, and it distracts him.

Someone clears their throat behind him. It’s Penelope, whom Spencer didn’t realise was invited on this case.

She looks guilty. Spencer recognises that face; the face she has when she’s done something she shouldn’t have or knows something she isn’t really supposed to. Given current circumstances, Spencer bets it’s the latter reason.

“Morgan told me something he shouldn’t have.”

Bingo.

He leans against the kitchen counter, stirring his coffee absentmindedly.

“What did he tell you?” He asks, feigning tranquillity. Inside he’s screaming non-stop.

She’s got her hands clasped together in front of her, almost innocently, and fiddles with her fingers, “He told me you needed assistance in the love department.” Before he can object, she continues, “And I am willing to do anything if it means our resident weirdo-slash-genius falls in love and gets to experience some much needed cuteness.”

There’s no point in lying to her. There’s also no point in being mad that Morgan told her about his situation – they’re kind of a package deal. And, who knows, Garcia might be able to help.

“So…” She sways, trying (and failing) to appear nonchalant, “Who’s the lucky lady?”

Spencer shuffles on the spot, scuffing his shoes against the floor. He debates whether he should tell her, since, you know, you’re in the next room over, but Spencer worries that Garcia is so good at her job she’d somehow find out through hacking Spencer’s phone, or maybe somehow hacking his dreams. His subconscious. He’s terrified of Garcia and her abilities.

“You can tell me.” She insists, “I’m much better at keeping secrets than Morgan.”

Spencer turns away from her, she steps closer, and he mumbles your name.

“What?”

“Y/N.”

“WHAT?!”

Spencer spins, hands coming up to tell Garcia to shut up and Garcia immediately covers her mouth in both shock and hopefully so she doesn’t shout again.

“Since when?!” She screeches. “How could I not have known?! Oh God, almighty Doctor Reid, I feel like I’ve failed you by not realising earlier.”

Her enthusiasm makes him smile, for the first time in far too long. Garcia has that power – this innate skill to comfort those around her and make them feel special, make them smile when the world feels like its collapsing.

“Let me help!” She requests.

Spencer’s clearly hesitant. He knows it’s a bad idea.

“Please!” She begs, “I just- I have so many ideas of how you can go about this. Let me brainstorm, get back to you, and if I’m too over-the-top you can tell me no and we’ll pretend it never happened!”

He takes a deep breath. Yes, Garcia is the definition of over-the-top, but that’s one of his favourite things about her. It’s your favourite thing, too. And he did tell Morgan he had big plans. Anything involving Garcia is a big plan with big payoff.

“This is between us.”

“I’ll take it to the grave. Unless you realise how amazing my ideas are and use one to tell Y/N how you feel and then years later I get to commend myself during my maid of honour speech at your wedding.”

She looks ecstatic, hands now together under her jaw as her eyes twinkle. Spencer can’t help but laugh at her eagerness.

+++

The next day, the team returns to Quantico after a semi-successful case. The general mood is good and Morgan invites everyone out for drinks – Spencer declines, but you have your first full conversation since last Friday.

“C’mon, Spence,” Your head rests against the jet seat and you blink sleepily at him, “I feel like I haven’t spoken to you for years!”

Spencer gives you a small smile, “I promised my mom I’d call her tonight. Sorry, Y/N.”

You nod in understanding, “Will you tell her I say hi?”

“Of course. She loves you.”

You grin at eachother, immediately lost in your own world. You’ve missed him more than you realised, and you have no idea what’s going through his head, but you’re happy that you’ve had this – a Spencer Reid smile that makes you feel at home and on top of the world simultaneously.

Spencer has to tear his eyes away before he blurts something stupid, like she’s not the only one that loves you.

+++

“Spencer!” Garcia greets, Cheshire cat grin on her face. “I need to see you in my dungeon, please. Immediately.”

Spencer drops the file he’s holding. Unfortunately, Penelope’s request caught the attention of the whole team.

“What business do you have in the villain’s lair, Reid?” Derek asks. You’ve looked up from your computer, Emily smirking and leaning back in her chair in expectation.

“Uh…”

“Important nerd business. Go away.” Garcia says, eyes narrow as she tugs Spencer’s hand. He’s whisked away from any further questioning, leaving the befuddled team behind.

He isn’t sure what to expect when he stumbles into Penelope’s second home, but the display in front of him explains why he overheard a conversation about missing evidence boards earlier. Penelope’s obviously been using the new printer in her cave to her advantage – there’s at least twenty different pictures printed out on one board titled “date ideas”, then the board on the right has a picture of Spencer and you in the centre with a perfectly drawn heart around it. Under and around that is a mixture of love quotes, including song lyrics and quotes directly from romantic movies. He notices “The Parliament of Fowls” on there – Garcia remembers that he mentioned it’s considered the first Valentines poem?

“Whoa,” Is all he can say.

“I know it’s a little intense,” Garcia squirms, “But! I started scrolling through Pinterest and couldn’t stop. I don’t know what came over me, maybe some type of love deity, but I started thinking about you and Y/N in a classic love film in, like, black and white and I…”

She’s out of breath from animatedly explaining.

Spencer laughs through his nose, almost a scoff, but he’s impressed. He shouldn’t have expected anything else from the Penelope Garcia.

As Spencer wanders towards the first board, Garcia follows him like a shadow, “My personal favourite is-“ She points to a picture of chocolate fondue with faceless people in very little clothing, “-this one.”

Spencer awkwardly clears his throat when he begins to think of you and him like that.

“A little much for your declaration of love, though, I get it,” Garcia nods.

He scans the board – heart speeding up when he moves from idea to idea and picturing you and him in each one. He can’t help but think no, that one would be good for our anniversary – ah, she’d love to do that one for her birthday.

“What’re you thinking?” Garcia asks quietly. She knows his brain is whirring like her computer drive, so she approaches him gently.

“This one.” He says. “Where should we do it?”

Garcia grins behind him. The one he’s referring to shows a dinner table set up outside, brown wooded table with white wooden chairs opposite eachother. There’s flowers at the centre, a bottle of wine already poured in each glass in front of a basket of cookies, and the area around is shrouded by shrubbery, fairy lights hanging delicately from every-which-way.

It’s perfect. You love fairy lights, Spencer loves cookies, and the set-up looks private enough for Spencer to feel confident when he empties his heart and soul to you.

“The roof.” Garcia says wistfully.

“We have access to that?”

“Yes.” They both know they don’t. “Leave it to me. Oh… one more thing.” She adds, hesitantly, “Can Morgan help? I’m a lot of things, including emotionally strong and your love guru, but physically I’m gonna need some assistance.”

Spencer doesn’t even need to agree – Morgan’s gonna involve himself no matter what.

+++

Five o’clock is quickly approaching and you’re slumped over your desk, lost in your work. You need to be lost in it, because ever since Garcia released Spencer from her office right after lunch he’s been sneaking glances at you (he’s not sneaky) and has made several attempts to approach you but decided against it, sharply turning and pretending he meant to go another way instead.

You are beyond confused. You assume it’s to do with the girl he’s been trying to get over – you hope he’s been trying to build the confidence to tell you exactly what happened and maybe, you really hope, he’ll invite you over for the weekend so you can slip back into your old routine.

“Psst.”

You assume they’re not trying to get your attention, so you don’t move.

“Psst!”

You still don’t move.

“Y/N!”

Your head snaps up to Spencer leaning over the divider between your desks. He looks alarmed – which is odd, given he’s the one who called you – and he opens and closes his mouth a few times before he finally speaks.

“Are you busy tonight?” He sits back and, if he wasn’t so goddamn tall, all you’d be able to see would be his eyes. His added height means you can see his eyes and his nose. You wanna kiss it.

You smile – this is an olive branch, “I am completely available for whatever it is you might need.”

You sound incredibly eager, which you are. You miss him.

His cheeks move upwards, a smile, “Can I talk to you, later, on the roof? Uh-“ He clears his throat, “-I need to tell you something.”

You raise an eyebrow, “You’re not gonna push me off, right?”

“No,” He laughs.

“Promise me.”

Now he guffaws, “I would never, Y/N!”

“Promise me, Reid!”

“Alright, alright! I promise!” He’s jokingly raising his hands in a form of surrender.

You give him another smile and turn back to your work. You feel at ease, now, thinking he’s finally gonna tell you what happened on the weekend – finally you’ll be able to help him and go back to normal.

Spencer, on the other hand, is the exact opposite of ease. He’s about to pour his heart out to you.

He takes a deep breath and looks back to his computer, which is open on a tab titled “How to Tell Someone You Like Them.”

Step 3: Be Confident.

Spencer opens a new tab and searches, “How to be confident.”

+++

Garcia hacks into Spencer’s computer to open a document and type that the roof is ready. She wishes him luck, tells him she loves him, and calls dibs on being the godmother of your future children. As if she doesn’t have enough godchildren as it is.

He clears his throat and your head snaps towards him. You’ve been done for a while, playing Tetris on your phone, waiting for Spencer to take you to the roof where he swears he won’t kill you – you’re not entirely convinced.

“Um-“ He scratches his neck, “You ready to go?”

You nod and give him a weak smile in hopes it gives him some type of reassurance.

“Whatever happened, it’s okay, Spence.”

All he does is nod in return, gathering his coat and bag. He doesn’t really register what you say, or he would’ve been very confused.

You follow him up to the roof. The elevator ride is silent and Spencer is jittery; his hands twitch and tap against his legs, he’s bouncing on his toes and he keeps looking at you through the corner of his eye. You’ve taken several deep breaths to calm your racing heart – you hate heights, and this is the closest you’ve been to Spencer in a week. This will be the longest conversation you’ve had with him in a week, too.

The second the doors open, Spencer leaps in front of you.

“Wait!”

You jump back in surprise, “What? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Completely fine. Just… when we get there, let me explain first, okay? Before you say anything.” He’s pleading, as if you’ve already told him no. You look at him with furrowed brows and mumble an ‘okay’.

You’re visibly confused as you trek up the flight of stairs to the roof. Spencer pushes open the fire door and the first thing you notice is how bright the roof is – you always assumed it’d be dark, little light, especially at night like this.

Wait.

There’s fairy lights… everywhere. You’re pretty sure this isn’t the norm for the FBI roof.

Spencer is equally as awed at what he sees before him - it’s exactly the photo he saw in Garcia’s cave brought to life, but he’s too distracted by you to fully appreciate it. You look like a child on Christmas; eyes wide, pupils blown, mouth slightly agape. You’re gorgeous.

“What…is this, Spence?” You wonder, noticing the set table, fingers grazing the roses that sit in a vase in the middle. They’re fresh and smell wonderful.

He stands a little behind you, fiddling with his hands, and clears his throat, “Would you like to take a seat?”

You do. When he finally sits, he pours you a glass of wine and you immediately take an anxious sip. Although Rossi is a big fan of wine, you rarely take interest in it only when Spencer’s involved. You’ve come to associate wine with him – a smile peeks out from your glass as you stare at the man opposite you.

“I need to get something off my chest. But there’s cookies, if you want one,” He picks one up from his plate, breaking it in half and giving it to you. He’s stalling, but you seem to take the bait and bite into it.

“Are these from the bakery two blocks away?”

“Yeah,” He replies, but he isn’t really paying attention. He doesn’t know where to begin.

You wait patiently for him to open up. You’re still unsure of what to make of all of this – the beautiful setting, the wine, the flowers, the lights. God, the lights are dazzling in the Virginia night sky. You need context, and you need it now.

“Spence-“

“Listen.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry, I just…” He trails off, “I need to say what I need to say before I back out again.”

You fold your hands in your lap. You’re ready for whatever’s to come.

“Do you know how long we’ve known eachother?” He asks. His head tilts like a puppy.

“Nearly five years. Our friendaversary is coming up, you know.”

You realise, then, that this must be a celebration for that – that explains the… typically romantic setting. Before you can open your mouth to ask if that what’s this is, Spencer speaks.

“Four years, three-hundred and sixty days. That’s how long we’ve known eachother.”

“If we were dating, we would’ve been my longest relationship the second we passed a year.”

You don’t know why you said it, but it flusters him. He has to pause to take a breath and collect his thoughts.

“I’ve been in love with you for four years and three hundred and fifty-eight days, Y/N.”

It’s silent as you process and he figures out how to continue.

“I knew you were special when you were introduced to us. Hotch already had such a soft spot for you, and you had this way about you that made us all fall in love instantly. I remember Garcia did a background check the second she found out your name and she said you remind her of me and I… that freaked me out, to be honest. I thought you’d try to replace me.” He huffs a laugh, but can’t bring himself to look you in the eye, “I realised I was in love with you when you drunkenly defended me. Do you remember that?” His eyes flicker to yours for half a second – you’re wide-eyed, “You’d known me for two days at that point, but we’d already done a case together so we were celebrating. And these guys at the bar were whispering about me, acting like I couldn’t hear them, and the second you realised what was happening you stood up, stormed towards them and gave them a piece of your mind. It was incredible.

“You barely knew me, at least personally, but you thought so highly of me you scolded a group of drunk bodybuilders without a second thought. You made them apologise – it was hysterical watching someone half their size force them into submission like that – and when you were done you asked if I wanted to leave and go get ice cream. We couldn’t, cause you vomited on the way there, but I knew in that moment I loved you and I feel so hard, so quickly, I didn’t know what to do. And you never… you never indicated you thought of me as anything other than a friend so I didn’t try. Then you dated Greg who, in my opinion, sucked on his best days, and you encouraged me to date Abigail and I…”

He’s run out of breath and of things to say.

“I just love you, Y/N. I’m in love with you.” He adds, “I hope that’s okay.”

He finally looks at you, then. You’re just staring and he panics when he can’t make out what you’re feeling. He’s always been able to read you, you’ve always hated the saying that eyes are the windows to the soul because your eyes are always your tell, but now they’re… glassy.

You’re crying.

“Spencer…” You gasp, throat tight.

“It’s okay.” Spencer gives a tight-lipped smile. He knows what’s coming. He should’ve expected it. He has been expecting it.

“I love you too, Spence.”

Spencer chokes on air. He takes a gulp of wine.

You give him a teary smile in disbelief, “I’ve always loved you, Spence. I thought you knew that – I thought that big brain of yours knew exactly how I felt and… you didn’t do anything about it so I thought you didn’t feel the same. Spencer…”

He slowly moves a hand to place it palm-up on the table. Immediately you place your hand in his, your grip tight as you lovingly stare at him. This feels unreal.

“I’m in love with you too, you idiot.” You half laugh, half cry, “If you’ve really loved me this long, we’ve wasted so much time! God, we’re both idiots.”

Spencer’s crying too, now, and he starts laughing with you.

You’re two idiots in love, sitting opposite eachother on the roof of your place of work in a dream-like surrounding filled with fairy lights and flowers, and you could’ve been doing this for years.

Spencer sniffles, looking at you through his wet eyelashes, “Would you like to be my girlfriend?”

“If I say yes, will I get more dates like this?” You tease.

“Well, Garcia has a whole evidence board of date ideas she stole from Pinterest. We have enough ideas to last a lifetime.” He giggles.

“Penny was in on this?!”

Spencer gives a heh, “This is all thanks to her, so yeah.”

“She’s always had our backs.”

“She’s also now going to be convinced she’s cupid.”

You laugh again, and can’t help yourself when you lean across the table, still gripping Spencer’s hand, and letting your lips fall on his. Spencer leans into you, lips moving against yours as you both try to suppress grins.

You pull back slightly, Spencer’s lips following you, and whisper, “I would love to be your girlfriend.”

He kisses you again. And again. And again, just cause he can.

Big plan, big payoff. You’re worth every little stress and more.