#oh he meant in person. or is at least pretending to. dude you like 25 mi away from me there is no real quick involved

[callixton]

my main issue w grindr is that i have no idea how to respond to people when i don’t have a quick straightforward answer. i feel like every conversation on there is a puzzle & i am missing so many pieces

[silkentragedies]

A boyfriend sounds good, but…

Non idol! Jung Wooyoung x fem! Reader

3.1k words, Highly suggestive at best, making out, FLUFF, E2L vibes, College AU

Warnings: Mentions of STDs, making out. ( This is so self-indulgent it’s horrible lmao- also, not explicit at all.)

This piece of fiction does not reflect the actions of the real-life Jung Wooyoung. Not meant for minors. 

College was supposed to be late night parties and hurried submissions, overdosing on caffeine and woefully unedited essay compilations. College was supposed to be hellish hangovers and greasy weekend brunches in bed, helter-skelter running to part-time jobs and missing classes with snoozed alarms.

You got all of that, of course, but you also got one thing you didn’t ask for, in fact, wished beyond wishes that it wouldn’t happen but of course, your guardian angel was up to some mischief: You got yourself an archenemy.

Jung fucking Wooyoung.

It all started off small, of course; bumping into each other rather violently in the hallways on orientation day ended with your coffee on the floor. Minor detail- his phone had also dropped on the floor.

You apologized profusely- he seemed like an upperclassman with his leather jacket, slim but solid build, a head of double-toned hair and oh were those tattoos peeking out of his collar- no point in causing a ruckus on the first day. You even offered to pay for the damage. 

And then he opened his mouth. 

“Can’t you watch where you’re going?”

The sheer annoyance in his tone rubbed you the wrong way- obviously you had to respond, you weren’t the only one at fault- 

“Sorry, but you weren’t watching where you were going either. So don’t tout the blame to me-”

“Oh, whatever, just keep your money. I can get it fixed myself.”

The audacity of this bi-

“Good for you then, because my offer is off the table now, pretty boy.” 

A smirk curled up his lip- “You think I’m pretty?”

“About as pretty as a skunk, especially with that hair.”

You had to tamp down the urge to childishly stick your tongue out at his bemused, mildly annoyed expression before walking past him.

 Lamenting the loss of your morning coffee, you hurried your way to the orientation venue. At Least he was an upperclassman. Thankfully you wouldn’t have to deal with him-

“Did you see that hot guy in the leather jacket and that black-blonde hair ?”

Fuck’s sake. 

“His name’s Jung Wooyoung and apparently all the upperclassmen already have an eye on him. He’s in our major so we really lucked out, hot guys-wise.”

Fuck’s sake.

Surely you could just avoid him and pretend he didn’t exist?

But no.

Jung fucking Wooyoung turned out to be the apple of the campus’ eye in a matter of 2 weeks. He was as new to the university as the rest of you and yet, managed to look more put together, cooler than the rest of you still struggling to figure out class numbers and professor names.

He was the upperclassmen darling- people drooled over him, wanted to befriend him, and invite him to all the big parties…

and fuck- even the teachers were already wrapped around his infuriating pinky finger. They allowed him to waltz into class 25 minutes late, smile his infuriating innocent smile and chill in the back row, scot fucking free.

A month in, he’d gotten into the Dance Club too-  cementing his legendary status in the university. It was unheard of, after all, for a freshman to get into the unattainable Dance Club in his first attempt. 

You happened to visit one of the club’s performances one weekend and even you couldn’t ignore the sheer talent he radiated. It only infuriated you more to watch Wooyoung hog the stage’s spotlight with almost no effort- all perfect lines, sharp and clean movements…

It’s fine, you could still ignore his existence

But no.

Another thing about Jung Wooyoung- he found sick pleasure in annoying the living daylights out of you. 

It was so juvenile, so high-school, so immature of him- sticking gum in your hair, snapping your bra strap, kicking the back of your chair, striking up nonsense debates with you in class…

And then he had the nerve to laugh in your face when you glared at him with hellfire in your eyes because you were too polite to lash out in front of a professor.

Of course, you exhibited no such restraint outside the classroom.

“You vs Woo” was a commonplace explanation for the commotions that blazed up in the campus courtyard every other day. You were like wolves, the way you snarled at each other, not hesitating to slash at each other with as many cutting words as you could find. 

This went on for months, an entire semester marred by an enmity that seemed to stem from nothing- until one day, mister Jung Wooyoung really fucked up.

“WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU? FACE ME, YOU COWARDLY WORM!” Your angry yelling and thudding on the door had Wooyoung’s roommates Yeosang and… Choi San? running to open the door to their shared dorm room. 

You barged into Wooyoung’s room, unplugging the game he was playing. “What the fuck-”

“You dirty fucking bastard. You shameless shitstain of a fucking human being-” 

Slap. Wooyoung reeled back. In all this time, you’d never actually hit out at him physically. It had always been words. Maybe this time he crossed a line?

“You told Changbin I had a fucking STD. THE GALL OF YOU-” You lashed out at him with every few words, pushing Wooyoung further back against the back wall of his room. 

“How fucking dare you make assumptions about me like that. you lowlife scumbag.” You snarled in his face, now having him trapped between you and the wall.

You were smaller than him by quite a bit- it was almost amusing to see Wooyoung cowering in front of you, lowkey terrified of what you’d throw at him next. 

“Okay okay, fuck, I’m sorry!” He burst out finally, cutting you right across your angry rant. “I didn’t mean it like that!! I swear, I didn’t even know you were the one he was talking about. And I only told him to be safe from STDs, not that anybody had one.”

“What makes you think I’ll believe you, Jung,” You screeched. “You’ve always been a dick in general to me. I wouldn’t put it past you to say something like that and lie to my face about it.”

You back away, almost disgusted at being so close to him, “Seriously, dude. Get fucked.” Flipping him off before leaving, you turn around to look at him still standing where you’d backed him up to, an evil glint in your eye.

“It will be so fucking unfortunate if somebody told the campus gossip blog you had erectile dysfunction and your hookups were all fake.”

\

Safe to say, Wooyoung never made digs at your sexual activity again.

Neither did he have much sexual activity of his own for a while. Not that there was much sexual activity in your case either.

Maybe it was that exact…starvation that led Wooyoung to behave the way he did.

What was juvenile teasing became more… flirtatious?

Oh gods, what the fucking fuck is going on-

Suddenly, it wasn’t gum in your hair, it was soft whispers against your ear, breath warm against your cheek

It wasn’t kicking the back of your chair, it was leaning in front of you to fistbump Lee Felix on the other side of you until you could smell his intoxicating chocolate-honey-sweat scent.

He’d taken to taking his leather jacket off and sitting through classes (he still turned up late for) in a muscle t shirt that showed off his toned arms- 

All of his movements now seemed to be designed to tease the crawling under your skin you hadn’t been able to quench recently-

Not that you were a serial hookup kinda person, but you’d been fairly sexually active until semester exams and Wooyoung’s rumors had brought around quite a dry spell for you.

It was like every action of his sparked something wildfire hot in your head, tension stringing your senses into overdrive- were you imagining it?

Wooyoung was having some troubles with said crawling under-skin himself. 

Since when did you wear skinny jeans like that to class? Did you always have such a pretty neck, just waiting to get marked up? Did you always have that sway to your hips when you walked out of class?

The forced abstinence was doing bad things to him. 

It did rather amuse him, however, when he could see your breath catch a little from his murmurings in your ear, or squirm in your seat when he spoke to Felix before the professor arrived. It was the little things, truly. 

You still fought like a cat and dog though- there was no way the two of you would ever let on that your scope of noticing each other had gone beyond annoyance and rivalry a while ago. 

//

“Fuck no. I’m not doing this fucking project with you. It’s worth half the fucking grade and you’re a numbskull when it comes to this subject.”

“Like I want to deal with you anymore than I have to, sweetheart. You’re pretentious enough in class as it is.” 

Fate really loved playing the cliche card with you- of course you got paired up with Wooyoung for one of your semester projects. 

No, it definitely wasn’t the teacher that saw you two glaring more at each other more than the whiteboard and decided to take matters into her own hands.

Of fucking course the teacher refused to allow switching of partners or individual grading- it had to be a team effort or you’d both fail the subject. As a team. Yippee-ki fucking yay.

So you two ended up in the library at 11 p.m, two nights before your first check point review, having procrastinated the fuck out of working together until the last possible minute.

Amidst cursing at each other and cups of ramen and iced americano, the two of you found yourself stuck with each other and attempting to build the basis of an acceptable report to present. 

Surprisingly enough, Wooyoung wasn’t entirely a lost cause when it came to the subject. He actually made sizable contributions to the report. He even got you some coffee on his break, despite the jibes and taunts you threw at him about going soft- you were the type to hold a grudge.

You were both wandering down the shelves in the library, looking for more references when Wooyoung decided to open his big mouth again.

“You do realize that shitty rumor you put out didn’t really mess with my prospects, right?” Wooyoung was so full of shit. “If anything, I’d be worried about you, sweetheart.”

There it was again. Sweetheart. Another of those taunting things that just riled you up in all the wrong(right) ways. It was like he knew everything you would go weak for and then shamelessly exploited them all.

“Unlike you, Wooyoung, I don’t need people to stroke my ego…or anything else. I can get myself going just fine.”

“If you did know how to stroke anybody’s anything, sweetheart, you wouldn’t have trouble getting some.”

Ohhh, so he wants to play some games!!! Okay then-

You reached out to flick at his ponytail, ever-so slightly enamoured by how well he pulled off the double-toned look.

“Like you know anything about how to please in bed, babe.” 

It was unfair how much that nickname falling from your lips affected Wooyoung. Some…not very appropriate thoughts had already taken root in his brain and you running your mouth was not helping at all. 

“Good enough for them to beg, sweetheart.” 

A soft crow of laughter escaped you as you turned to fully face him, the both of you standing between the Greek Architecture and Geography sections.

“You sure you weren’t the one doing the begging?” 

“Oh, really now?”

You really should’ve thought through what was leaving your mouth 

Because now you were wedged between the shelves and Wooyoung’s (unfairly) toned body, his arms caging you in with that signature shit-eating grin on his face as he leaned closer to you- 

The tension was almost atrocious now, suffocating you when it had only previously nudged at you. You could feel it settle under your skin, in your veins, fingers itching to reach out and pull him closer 

But you kept your hands braced against the shelves- you would not give him the satisfaction of making the first move yourself…right? 

Fuck, you really wanted to though- 

It had be the late hour leaving you with lesser inhibitions than normal or possibly the pent up horny in your system or maybe the questionable direction your conversation was headed in

There was no other plausible reason for your arch nemesis’ lips to look that inviting

It must’ve been the way your attention flitted from his eyes to his lips that gave you away, a momentary lapse of self-control before you looked away, off to some point behind his shoulders-

And he smirk only widens

“You know, nobody really visits this corner of the library.”

“Your point?”

Both your voices were whispers now, your bodies close enough to touch but not quite, Wooyoung’s face a few inches away from yours and holding your gaze 

(He had honey flecks in those dark eyes, 7 on one side and 4 on the other, like gold leaf in coffee)

“We could easily find out who begs for who…”

He still hadn’t touched you yet, his hands placed on the shelf on either side of you- you could move out from the space if you so wished-

Despite the tension between the both of you, it seemed like… like he was waiting for you to make the first move, voice your consent, act on it 

How considerate, you thought to yourself as you let your sight wander to either side, checking for people 

Surprising you found Jung Wooyoung’s one possible redeeming quality like this, mind hazy and barely restraining yourself from kissing the living daylights out of him- 

Oh well, fuck it

A soft sound left Wooyoung as you curled your hand around the back of his neck and pulled his face to yours, lips meeting in a soft, hesitant kiss

How dare he be a good kisser too?

One hand reached up to cup your cheek and you instinctively tilted your head into the warmth of his palm as the kiss deepened

Unfair that he could take your breath away so effortlessly

There was nothing hesitant about the way Jung wooyoung kissed you back

Lips pressing more persistently against yours, teeth grazing your lower lip and pulling slightly before diving in again, hand now curled around the back of your neck

His other hand caressed your side and gripped your hips as he pressed you gently against the shelves, your arm slipping down to clutch at the front of his shirt as his body molded all too perfectly against yours

You could feel him everywhere

Everywhere 

From the way his lips had begun to land messy kisses against your jaw and neck, the hand on your hip tightening and slipping under your shirt to clutch at soft skin, hips flush against yours 

You couldn’t bring yourself to pull away from Wooyoung, your head spinning at the intoxicating feeling he brought with him 

The sensation of his mouth against your neck was almost euphoric, your head lolling back against the books and leaving you to pull your lower lip between your teeth, an almost futile feeling bid to keep silent, you’re still in public

Somehow your hands wound up in his hair, pulling the double-toned strands as his head dipped lower, a quiet groan from Wooyoung your only pointer that he liked it

So this is why he was so sure of himself, your mind temporarily blanking when Wooyoung’s teeth pulled against the sensitive skin, biting and sucking gently

A choked, uneven sound escaped your mouth when he pushed you harder against the shelves, hand reaching lower to squeeze your butt-

A smirk lit up his eyes as he straightened up to look at the line of red- blue blooming across your neck, then at you, cheeks warm and still biting your lip, looking resolutely away from his gaze

“Weren’t we supposed to be working on the project?” 

This little buzzkill.

//

You didn’t work on the project that night

You spent it in Wooyoung’s bedroom, getting railed within an inch of your life.

Not without the lack of the both of you being absolutely unable to keep your hands off each other on the way there 

Between the library and his dorm, you pulled or got pulled into shady alleys and corners for ‘another taste’ 

“Never again.” You warned him when he dropped you off at your dorm, you looking windswept from the wind of course and his hoodie up because of the cold not because his neck was more purple than tan-

Lies.

Your daytime dynamic remained the same 

But now with added benefits- 

He got to corner you after class, feel you up until you were gasping his name and then leave you hanging 

You got to make brazen moves under the table in the library whenever he got too snarky for his own good

He could ask nicely, you learnt. Broken groans and choked-up sounds would escape him when you ran your nails over his skin, soft and sharp and wanting and unyielding as you kissed your way down his body

Down his neck, over his chest, the hard planes of his stomach 

He would plead for more when you sucked him off, bucking his hips closer to you everytime you slowed down or stopped

Find him at the right time, though and he could just as easily return the favour

He would tease you relentlessly, hands ghosting everywhere dangerous and then pulling away just to watch you squirm and make grabby hands at him, a frown marring your kiss- swollen lips 

Leave conspicuous marks too high up on your neck for you to cover, dark enough for a day or two that even makeup left shadows

Spending a long, long time between your legs only to get up and start dressing, claiming to be late for class

Quickies were your religion at this point 

Janitors closets locked and hand covering your mouth to muffle your moans before a dance competition, empty bedrooms in frat parties with one of you getting pushed onto the bed

It was an infernal coupon from hell : Find one archrival, get a fuck buddy free of cost!

Of course, there were side effects

“Did you just walk out of that empty classroom with Jung Wooyoung? After class hours?” “We were studying for the midterms!!”

“Uh.. Wooyoung, who was that leaving the dorm building? at 1 in the morning?” “uh yEAH WE WERE DOING THE PROJECT YEAH.”

Yeah, a boyfriend sounds nice but an archenemy you can make out with in secret sounds ravishingly pleasing-

When the boy in question is a certain young man with double toned hair with a penchant for leather jackets and out-of-line snark, you couldn’t agree more.

Yes, this is a revamp and repost from my main account xD. Like I said, this was self indulgence to the peak 😩 I'm a tad whipped for snarky boy Jung Wooyoung 😀

Do lemme know what you think ^_^. xoxo, A💕

Possibly interested parties: @aliceu​ @whiteprincessofnohr​

(drop me an ask to be added or removed! )

[yourlocalfictionalenthusiast]

IN LIFE, IN DEATH...

PART FOUR

Pt1, Pt2, Pt3

Warnings: fighting with parents and some swearing

---

The bright sunlight hit your eyes and you squinted a little as your feet hit the driveway.

Julie’s song was still playing through your head, and so was your conversation with her last night. The passion in her voice when she sang was the same as when she talked about her mom.

You wanted to run in and comfort her somehow, but Luke seemed insistent on staying outside, making Alex grumble next to you.

“Dude, why did you stop me? Julie needs a hug.”

“A ghost hug is not the feel-good moment you think it is. Trust me.” Luke said. What Julie needs is some privacy.”

“I think you poofed us out because you can’t handle when other people cry.” Alex waved his finger in Luke’s face, making you frown at his words.

It wasn’t a secret that Luke wasn’t the best with feelings, but he had always been there for you. Last night in the darkroom, and again at the diner, and countless other times.

“I should know,” Alex continued, gesturing between Luke and Reggie. “I cried in a room for 25 years, and I didn’t get a single hug from either of you.”

Reggie sighed, opening his arms. “Bring it in.”

“Don’t touch me!”

“This is why no one but (Y/n) hugs you.” Reggie mumbled as you rubbed Alex’s arm.

“Okay.” Luke interrupted. “So, once we get the courage to go in there, we should ask Julie why she lied about playing the piano.”

Alex shrugged. “And maybe tell her how amazing she is?”

You nodded and Reggie exclaimed. “She’s legit! I got ghost-bumps.”

Just then, the gate leading to the house swung open and a girl made her way down the pavement. As she got closer, you could hear her sobbing quietly.

“Oh no, was she crying too?” You asked as the girl entered the garage.

“Yes!” Luke shivered. “We definitely can’t go in there.”

“No, but we can listen.” Reggie ran towards the door, standing on his tip-toes to peek through the window.

“Guys! We can’t eavesdrop, that’s creepy!” You whispered, but the boys ignored you and crowded the door.

Seconds later, they all ducked to avoid being seen and you couldn’t help but be curious. So you ran over and squeezed yourself between Luke and Alex.

“I’m not okay!” The other girl shouted. “You got kicked out of music! I’ve been up all night thinking about what I was gonna say, and I might’ve had seven sodas but I need to get this out.”

“Flynn-” Julie started but Flynn shook her head and started ranting.

“Jules, if you leave the music program, we’ll be apart forever. Sure, we’ll see each other in the hallway sometimes but we’ll make new friends.”

“That’s not true.” Julie said.

“You’re right, I won’t make any new friends. The only time we’ll contact each other is by liking each other’s posts on Instagram. Every time I hit that little heart, mine will be breaking because my best friend left me.”

“What’s Instagram?“ Alex whispered to you. You shrugged, making a mental note to ask Julie later.

Julie sighed. “I just played piano and sang again.”

“What? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was trying but then your seven sodas kicked in.” Julie laughed.

Flynn squealed. “I’m so happy for you! Look at you, looking all alive again. What made you play again?”

Julie slid her mom’s song across the piano to show Flynn and you couldn’t help but smile. You obviously hadn’t known Julie for long, but you were so happy that she reconnected with her mom and music.

“I was so scared to play it, cause everything having to do with music reminds me of her. But I woke up this morning, realizing that’s exactly why I should play it. To keep her memory alive.”

“We need to tell Mrs. Harrison that you can play so you can stay in the music program. My girl’s back! Double Trouble lives again.”

“Not our band name.” Julie laughed as the girls started walking out of the garage.

“Shit, she’s coming!” You whispered. “Act natural.”

You and Reggie sank to the floor, Luke leaned on his arm and Alex pretended to inspect the light hanging above you. Julie made eye contact with you and smiled.

“Oh, hey!”

Flynn turned around and watched Julie expectantly. Julie laughed awkwardly and started skipping down the driveway.

“Let’s hustle!” She grabbed Flynn’s arm and started walking up the stairs, waving goodbye.

“We weren’t listening!” Reggie said, earning a pinch on the arm from you and a kick to the ankle from Luke. Julie started swatting the air, trying to play it off like there was a bug, and pushed Flynn up the stairs.

As soon as she was gone, you made your way back into the garage. You sat at the piano bench, mindlessly playing the few chords you knew.

“I wonder why Julie didn’t tell us she could shred on the piano.” Reggie said.

“It probably has something to do with her mom.” You guessed, your fingers gliding across the keys.

“Yeah, that must’ve been hard.” Alex added before climbing up to the loft. “I really feel for her.”

“Yeah, but now she’s got music back in her life. Just like us.” Luke said, reaching over and hitting the note next to your finger.

“Yeah, I’m not sure you can call what we have a life.” Alex said and you snorted. “Hey, I think some of our old clothes are up here.”

He threw down a black trash bag filled with clothes and you sighed in relief. The night you died, you wore a plain pair of jeans, and your favorite old t-shirt of your dad’s. You usually wore one when you played a gig, so that a part of him could be with you in some way and of course; Luke’s jacket.

And as much as you loved your outfit, being in the same clothes for 25 years was not exactly sanitary, even by ghost standards.

“Sweet!” Luke exclaimed, taking off his shirt.

Shit!

You tried as subtly as possible to look away before anyone saw the blush on your cheeks, and you thought you had gotten away with it until Reggie laughed from across the room.

You sent him a glare, but that only made him laugh harder.

Suddenly, the studio doors opened again and Julie’s dad came in. He had a sad look on his face and a camera in his hands. It had ‘Ray Molina’ engraved on the handle so you figured that was his name.

The man walked right through Reggie, making him shudder. “That was weird. But somehow I can tell this man has a kind heart.”

“So, how have you been?” Ray asked, his voice heavy.

“Honestly, not that good.” Reggie said and you rolled your eyes. “See, we ate these hotdogs and-”

“Julie sang for the first time again this morning.” Ray took a picture of the room. “She hasn’t done that in almost a year. You would’ve loved it.”

“Yeah, we heard cause we-.” Reggie wiggled his fingers in front of Ray’s face. “Oh, I get it. He's not talking to us."

"Dude, you are so lucky you play bass." Luke said.

"I think he's talking to Julie's mom." Alex sighed.

Ray started walking towards the piano. "She's such an amazing young woman."

He started running his hands on the keys so you slid off the bench. You knew you definitely shouldn't be listening, this was definitely not something you weren't meant to hear but you couldn't help your curiosity. "Everyday she reminds me more and more of you."

"Called it!" Alex cheered.

Ray shifted the camera between his hands. "I'm taking pictures for the real estate website. I don't really wanna move, but...it's what's best for Julie."

Alex came down from the loft and you all crowded around the piano. Luke stared at Ray with wide eyes. "Move?"

Ray gently played a few notes of a ballad before he spoke again. "There's so many memories out here. Like, Julie sitting next to you and Carlos trying to sing with his missing front teeth."

Luke let out a shaky breath and you realized he was crying. It wasn’t until a tear rolled down your cheek that you realized that you were too. You frantically wiped your eyes, doing your best not to break down.

Ray was exactly what you always pictured your dad used to be like, and his love for Julie was exactly the same kind you knew he would've had for you. Thinking about your dad made you think about your mom, and that made trying to stop crying a whole lot harder.

"Come on guys, not you too." Reggie said.

"It's just...he's talking about moving but the poor guy doesn't wanna move." Luke sniffled.

Ray stood up and took a picture of right where you were all standing. "It's like they grew up out here."

Reggie fanned his face. "Now he's got me too."

Alex scoffed. "Okay, how am I the emotional one?"

"Can we go see my family? See how they're doing?" Reggie asked, his voice shaking a little.

You nodded. “Yeah, listening to this doesn’t feel right.”

Just as you go to leave, Ray laughs. "Remember when the kids were at your sisters and we came out here on our anniversary..."

"Yeah, no! " Luke cringed. "Definitely wrong.”

-

The beach was where you spent a lot of your free time when you were alive.

Usually after a long day when you just needed a place to work on new lyrics in peace. But sometimes after playing all day at the pier, the boys would drag you down to the water and you would all stay there as long as possible. Away from parents and responsibilities.

But just like everything else, it had changed so much.

"A bike shack," Reggie sighed. "Right where my house used to be."

"I'm sorry, Reg." You rested your head on Reggie’s shoulder.

"Why couldn't they at least have turned it into something cool like a pizzeria or something?"

"They tore down the whole neighborhood." Alex said.

"I guess my folks are gone."

Alex kicked his foot into the sand. "Everyone's gone. Twenty-five years, gone. Friends, family, Bobby, everyone."

That was another person you hadn't wanted to let yourself think about. Even though you and Bobby weren't super close, he was still a part of Sunset Curve. He could be a little bit of an asshole sometimes but he was still your friend.

"Bobby, that's right." Reggie said. "Guess that vegetarian lucked out. Wonder what happened to him?"

"He probably just got old like everyone else and moved on." Luke grumbled.

"Dude, how are you so chill about all of this?”

“Yeah, don’t you want to figure out what happened?” You asked.

“Let’s be real for a second.” Luke exhaled, clearly getting worked up. “It’s not like any of us were close to our families. My parents always regretted buying me that guitar. Reggie, your parents were literally a fight away from divorce.” 

Luke ran a hand through his hair as he ranted, talking with his hands the way he always did when he was upset. “Alex, I- Your parents were never cool again after you told them you were gay.”

His eyes landed on you and he seemed to ease up a little. “(Y/n), you practically raised yourself since your mom was gone all the time.”

“Yeah, okay.” You said. “None of us had it great.”

“But at least we had something! What do we have now?” Alex shouted. “And before you say cool teleportation, I’m not cool with that either. It tingles. In weird places.”

Luke sprang to his feet. “I’ll tell you what he had. It’s what we’ve had since the day we came together. Guys, we have us. We’re the only family we’re ever gonna need. You wanna know what else we got?”

“I’m gonna guess death breath?” Reggie said.

“Our music, you dork.” Luke laughed. “People can hear us play again! They can’t see us, whatever, but they can feel us. I wish I had my guitar.”

Suddenly, the air around you made a sharp ‘whoosh’ sound and Luke’s six-string appeared in his hands.

“Whoa.” You said.

“How did you do that?” Reggie asked.

“I-I don’t know. I mean I wished for it and then...” Luke played a few chords and beamed.

Reggie jumped in place with his arms open, trying to wish for random things before he eventually gave up and slumped into the sand.

“I think I know what will cheer you up.” Luke said. He played the opening of ‘This Band Is Back’ and you couldn’t help but smile. Out of all the Sunset Curve songs, this was one of your favorites.

“Come on, Reginald.” Alex said as he started hitting his legs and chest to make a beat.

You offered Reggie your hand and pulled him up as Luke started the countdown. Reggie took it and twirled you around, effectively getting sand in your shoes. You laughed and spun him around before dragging him up to the tables in front of the restaurants as he sang.

The people around you seemed confused by the sudden music, but they danced around anyway. You forgot how much you loved seeing people react to your music. Watching them dance and smile made all your worries float away, even if it was just for now.

And for the first time since the Orpheum,

It really did feel like the band was back.

August 1994

It was just after sunset when you called the Patterson house.

The sound of your mom slamming the front door was still fresh in your mind and before you could stop yourself, your fingers were flying across the buttons. Luke was the only person who knew about your relationship with your mom. 

You didn’t want to worry Cece, or Alex, or anyone else. But hiding things from Luke wasn’t easy, especially with how stubborn he was. So you told him everything, and he told you,

‘Call me next time, okay?’

The line only rang twice before someone picked up. “Hello?” 

It was Emily, Luke’s mom.

You took a deep breath, trying to keep from crying. “Hi, Mrs. Patterson.”

Emily laughed and you could practically hear her roll her eyes fondly. “(Y/n), sweetie, what did I tell you about calling me that?”

Even though you and Luke had been friends most of your lives, you had only met Emily a handful of times. Luke didn’t really like hanging out at his house, especially when he started fighting with them regularly. Still, Emily always treated you like her own kid whenever you were around.

“Sorry, Emily.” You said. “Is Luke around?”

You heard some shuffling as she called out for him and after a few minutes, Luke picked up the phone. “Hey.”

“Hi, are you busy?” 

“No, why?” He asked.

“Well, I made enough cookies to feed a small country and my mom’s gonna be gone for the night so I thought we could hang out.” You rambled. “Maybe finish ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark?”

Luke laughed excitedly. “Yeah, sure! Give me like 20 minutes.”

Luke’s laugh was so infectious that you had to fight through a giggle. “Okay, see you soon.”

As you went to hang up, you hear Emily’s voice again. She was teasing Luke about something but all you caught was the word ‘Girlfriend’, making you turn bright red.

You put the phone back on the hook just as the oven beeped to signal that it was ready to bake the cookies. You put them in the oven and turned your attention to the huge bowl of cake batter in front of you. At this point, there wasn’t anything left in the kitchen you hadn’t baked.

There was no way you would be able to eat all of it, even with Luke’s help. But you needed something to distract yourself to keep your mind from overloading.

True to his word, Luke arrived twenty minutes later, bursting through your front door and screaming the Indiana Jones theme song at the top of his lungs. He skipped his way into the kitchen, immediately sensing something was wrong when you didn’t join him or even acknowledge his presence. 

“(Y/n)?” Luke approached you slowly.

“Hey.” You tried to sound as casual as possible, not looking up from the bowl. “So, you ready to finally finish this movie?”

Luke didn’t say anything as he scanned the kitchen. There were piles of cookies and cooking utensils all over the counter, and you had flour in your hair. You could see the realization flash across his face through your eyelashes.

“Okay, you’re baking everything in the house, which can only mean one of two things,” Luke said, his voice becoming more serious as he jumped up on the counter. “You either watched Sixteen Candles unsupervised again or…”

You stayed quiet as you slowly stirred the batter. It was ready to put in the pan ten minutes ago but you needed something to do to distract yourself.

Luke’s hand gently gripped yours before taking the spoon from you and letting it fall into the bowl. You looked up at him to find him already staring at you with a furrowed brow.

Damn it.

You should’ve known he would see through your thinly veiled excuses and promise of cookies. Luke was more observant than people gave him credit for.

“C’mere,” Luke said, opening his arms. You moved between his legs and buried your head in his chest, covering his shirt in tears, flour, and batter. But he didn’t seem to mind as he rubbed circles into your arm with one hand while the other cradled your head.

“She hates me.” You said through a deep, shuddering breath.

“She doesn’t hate you,” Luke reasoned. “It’s impossible for anyone to hate you.”

One of the things you loved about Luke was his protective streak when it came to his friends, and the way that no matter what, he could only see the best in them.

And as his best friend, you were pretty much perfect in his eyes. Which meant that when you didn't immediately agree, Luke launched into a rant.

"First of all, you're like the smartest person in the world. You manage to get good grades while also working at the diner three days a week which is nuts.

Secondly, your voice is insane! And your lyrics, (Y/n), we wouldn't even have half the Sunset Curve songs without your killer songwriting skills!"

"You done, Lu?" You joked as you pulled away just enough to look up at him, trying not to blush. No matter how hard you tried to play it cool when he complimented you, it always made you melt inside.

"I'm just saying," Luke laughed softly. “You are literally the best person I know, Squeaks.”

You let out a watery laugh at the mention of your childhood nickname. It was one that Luke had given to you in 4th grade after he put a bug on your arm and you had squeaked in fear.

“And just think,” Luke whispered, his voice sounding a little wistful. “One day, we’ll get signed to a label and end up somewhere far away from here.”

“We barely started making our demo.” You said, making Luke scrunch his nose in the way that always made you giggle. "Don't you think you're getting a little ahead of yourself?"

“Nope.” He smirked. “Okay, I gotta ask, were you planning on baking this or is this a new look you’re going for? ‘Cause I gotta be honest, it’s not your best.” Luke said teasingly as he swiped some batter from your cheek.

“Oh, really?” You asked, dipping your finger in the bowl and smearing the batter across Luke’s face, making him gasp. Then you took a slight step back and hummed thoughtfully. “Definitely looks better on me.”

“You know what?” Luke scoffed, trying to hold back a smile and before you could blink, he reached into the bowl and flung the spoon at you, splattering your shirt. “I think you’re right.”

“Jerk!” You laughed, wiping off your shirt as Luke tried to lick the batter off his chin but he only managed to make an ever bigger mess.

“Did I get it?” He asked, making you giggle.

“Not quite.” You reached forward and carefully wiped it off, desperately trying to focus on anything other than how close your faces were. But it was impossible when you could feel Luke’s breath on the tip of your nose. “There.”

Luke’s face was unreadable as he looked down at you. The playfulness had evaporated in the air and was replaced with something else that you couldn’t really read either. Just when you thought the moment would last forever, the timer for the second batch of cookies rang through the kitchen, and you practically bolted to the oven.

You pulled them out and put them on a plate. “So, you know that we have to watch Sixteen Candles now, right?”

Luke groaned, pretending to be annoyed. Even though he would never admit it, you knew he secretly loved romance movies. “Fine, but Raiders of the Lost Ark after?”

“Deal.”

As Luke went into the living room to start the movie, you sighed to yourself. Maybe you would never have a normal relationship with your mom.

But you had your band, your friends, and even if it wasn’t exactly in the way you wanted; 

You had Luke.

-

In Life, In Death Taglist:

@ifilwtmfc @instabull @wanniiieeee @tenaciousperfectionunknown @nxacomposts @merceret @itismeasmolpotato @lilostif16

JATP Taglist:

@caitsymichelle13

Let me know if you wanted to be added!

[givemeonebreath]

A big, messy Linked Universe playlist

Link for Links

Heavy on the angst, because of who I am as a person. (At the same time, don’t take it too seriously, man.)

Influenced by canon, manga (TP Link is really Going Through It™ ), my personal perceptions, and popular fandom canon.

A pretty wide variety of genres, with a bias towards metal and prog rock.

I kept snippets of lyrics for most songs, also because of who I am as a person. (Some were particularly hard to narrow down to just one verse or chorus.) Those - and a little more rambling - are under the cut if you really want, in the order of the playlist. But. It’s long.

I didn’t initially make this with the intent to share, but hey. Throughout my past year+ of listening, I’ve been haphazardly adding songs to a playlist I very creatively named Links. If something reminded me of them, whether through the music or lyrics or both, I threw it on the playlist, so some songs might seem odd or vague. Some are really on the nose, as subtle as a sledgehammer. (Sky for Sky? Dude. Sorry.) Some are there because of a fitting line or two that stuck in my head. Ultimately, music - like any form of creative expression - can be interpreted in a multitude of ways. 

My listening habits and tastes are erratic, which is why this is one big, jumbled playlist and not separated for different Links. Not to mention if I did that, some (Wild, Legend) would have a lot and some (Wind, Four) would have none, both because of my own familiarity with them, and because of the general themes of the music I tend to listen to. Most songs are a general ‘hero’s spirit reborn’ mood, anyway - those are the first part of the playlist. The second half is more nuanced to specific Links, plus a few Ganon vibes.

1. Deep Purple - April (Koji Kondo, composer of the original Legend of Zelda theme, was into Deep Purple as a kid, and it shows.)

2. Kamelot - Regalis Apertura

3. Au4 - So Just Hang On, Beautiful One (I’ve posted this here before. I can’t hear it without thinking of LU now.) So I slipped in through the gate almost unknown. All my border stamps were late. Seven days old. Cold hand griped my shoulder blade, broke the bone. Bloody nose and turned away, all the way home.

4. FC Kahuna - Hayling Don’t think about all those things you fear, just be glad to be here

5. Glass Animals - Youth Boy, when I left you you were young I was gone, but not my love You were clearly meant for more Than a life lost in the war

6. Pain of Salvation - Restless Boy A restless boy in a world too slow A flame born into cinder, ash, and glow I've given everything I gave it all Yet find myself alone

7. Haken - The Endless Knot Our design shifted frame by frame! Across the line our cycle starts to fail. Our design shifted frame by frame! Across the line we die to live again.   We need a story to believe in. We need a hero to prevail. We need a challenge we can overcome, it takes a tragedy to make us one 

8. Kamelot - Memento Mori (I particularly associate this with Time and Twilight) I am the god in my own history The master of the game I may believe if she would come to me And whisper out my name Sometimes I wonder where the wind has gone If life has ever been Sometimes I wonder how belief alone Can cut me free from sin

9. Katatonia - Fighters Look I told you so We never stop If we said that We'll back it up For sure You know We're fighters

10. Megadeth - This Day We Fight! (I mean, all Links, but particularly Warriors) For this I was chosen, because I fear nothing With confidence I tread through the dead of the night Off to another war-torn, faraway battlefield Wherein lies a demonic enemy horde

11. Moon Tooth - Igneous Well, the spirit took me And this old broken body leapt up and danced Settin’ out Settin' out with all my heroes in a bundle at my back Hawk am I More wings span in my shadow than overcast Yeah, you know what they say Always need something to look up to, ha

12. Samael - Moongate Destiny, tomorrow is today Destiny, without boundaries How many nights will we spend together traveling infinity back and forth and again How many times will we go together questioning eternity about us about our wonders...

13. TOOL- Parabola This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion

14. Lunatic Soul - Blood on the Tightrope No matter how hard you try To shut down your feverish thoughts They hunt you down with no regret Cause you have to fix it all

15. Hybrid - Keep It In The Family

16. Soul Savers - Unbalanced Pieces Gone, now carry on Through violent seasons I call you mother, mother, mother In vain, absent chain The twilight's bleeding And the playing board has two unbalanced pieces

17. Steve Von Till - Valley of the Moon All she gives is a stone facade Like ill-given flowers at a dead man's wake Here we slave for the dreams of another And fight over scraps like wayward dogs

18. Ludovico Einaudi - Experience

19. Lunatic Soul - Summoning Dance Three stones on the right side Three stones on the left My vicious circle of life and death   “Oh you want it” I hear it again “Oh you want it” My burden Curse to break

20. Lunatic Soul - Through Shaded Woods Run through your shaded woods Run through your shaded mind Run through the night Run away Run through the darkness Run

21. Lunatic Soul - Naavie

22. David Bowie - Nature Boy There was a boy A very strange, enchanted boy They say he wandered very far Very far, over land and sea A little shy and sad of eye But very wise was he

23. The Dandy Warhols - Sleep Well, I could sleep forever But it's of her I dream If I could sleep forever I could forget about everything 

24. Au4 - Everyone is Everyone (and Everything is Everything) Tripping and tumbling, Flipping and fumbling. Flowing on the rivers of sadness That have been forever rumbling.   But from dawn until now Of all the paths that I could have gone down Of all the valleys That I could have been flowing through.   In spite of all the chaos And all that has come between us, How is it I still find myself Here with you. 

25. Kingcrow - Everything Goes Your hands again upon the ground Falling rain for hours and hours As you learn the game Time dispels the fog ... Ever been there? Ever felt like prey? Ever thought your mind was feeble? Lot of things that don’t make sense

26. Pain of Salvation - Icon As a child I felt too old And now when I'm grown-up I feel too young A different kind so I've been told Just slightly out of reach and out of time

27. Sophia Loizou - Divine Interference (I got spooky dungeon vibes. Also, the title.)

28. Carpenter Brut - Fab Tool Runnin Gunnin Forward in the phantom shatter so grand Splatter grand, arcanum fuel Wrought iron out of the sky Over me, tells no lie

29. Blue Stahli - Death Will Have to Run All on the open road Where none will ever grow A journey toward the known With countless miles to go

30. Gyroscope - Mistakes & Ladders I am the first? No I can't be the first A continuous nothing, destined for something Tell me who you are and why you trapped me here

31. Queens of the Stone Age - Run, Pig, Run Run, pig, run Here I come

32. Chali 2na & Krafty Kuts - Guard The Fort The swords are drawn and odds are stacked And we clash the impact's a thunderous clap Calm demeanor Even though we are under attack [...my turn to guard the fort ready for combat]

33. The Great Discord - Army of Me (lol)

34. Kongos - Terrified I think I'll start again and change my name You only live once or twice, what a shame Somebody fucked up when designing this game

35. Woodkid - Run Boy Run Run, boy, run! This ride is a journey to Run, boy, run! The secret inside of you Run, boy, run! This race is a prophecy Run, boy, run! And disappear in the trees

36. The Beta Machine - The End A million miles away from you this time I'll do what it takes I'm on my way If lines are in the sand I'll go under If I can make it in time I will bring you back with me

37. Devin Townsend Project - Gump When we last met who was I? I'm sorry we no longer see eye to eye The energy to keep you in while keeping myself out I'm sorry how you'll take this  But I just don't have the patience anymore 

38. Arrested Youth - Riot! I can't get much satisfaction living in this cave It's tough to breathe, I'm in the belly of the beast Can't sleep with all my rage With me and all my generations living in this cage Pick up your guns and tell your sons, tonight we break the cage

39. Led Zeppelin - Friends So anytime somebody needs you Don't let them down, although it grieves you Some day you'll need someone like they do Looking for what you knew

40. Faunts - M4, pt 2 (Wild) Fight your foes you're not alone Holy war is on the phone Asking to please stay on hold Bleeding loss of blood runs cold And I need you to recover   Because I can't make it on my own

41. Faith No More - Ashes to Ashes (Wild) I want them to know it's me, it's on my head I'll point the finger at me, it's on my head Smiling with the mouth of the ocean And I'll wave to you with the arms of the mountain

42. Devin Townsend - Jupiter (Wild) I know you At least I think I do Everything's changed But in the days that are so dark It's wonderful

43. Katatonia - Neon Epitaph (Wild) Shadow of my shadow Cling not to my grief I am long left behind now You are free

44. The Smashing Pumpkins - The Beginning is the End is the Beginning (Wild) Time has stopped before us The sky cannot ignore us No one can separate us For we are all that is left The echo bounces off me The shadow lost beside me There's no more need to pretend Cause now I can begin again 

45. Katatonia - Lacquer (Wild) My voice travelling Soaring bird above your head The house we lived in Ridden with disease ... The levee breaking I can't live to fight once more The road to the grave is straight as an arrow I'm just staying around to sing your song, baby

46. Eskimo Joe - This is Pressure (Wild) There is no romance in suffocation  The walls fall down like your expectations You want to scream  And you want to shout But you've built up steam  And you can't let it out This is pressure 

47. Portugal. The Man - 1000 Years (Wild) We'll wait 1000 years  Until the end of time We'll wait 1000 more Dressed up in gold and white We'll climb the mountain sides  To find what's in the sky We'll dig through mountain sides  To find what's deep inside

48. Au4 - An Ocean’s Measure of Sorrow (Wild) Forgot my name and who I was. Memories of nothing floating up. All of the sorrow we once knew, Colours the ocean's water blue.

49. Band of Skulls - Carnivorous (Twilight) I am corrosive and cohesive Like a chemical bond I'm all together undone I am the broken kingdom I'm just so, so, so  So carnivorous

50. Glass Animals - Flip (Twilight) I wanna go back with a club and attack I wanna take to my guns and break you I gotta make my little foe take his own

51. TV on the Radio - Wolf Like Me (Twilight) My mind has changed my body's frame, but, God, I like it My heart's aflame, my body's strained, but, God, I like it

52. Kamelot - The Spell (Twilight) All my demons cast a spell The souls of dusk rising from the ashes So the book of shadows tell The weak will always obey the master

53. OSI - Radiologue (Legend) I was dreaming I was heading west thirty days faster Had a fever woke up in a sweat bailing out the water  Can't go on Can't go back   Heard your voice coming through the noise wrote it in the radio log Hurt my head, wondering what you said so I threw it overboard  

54. Katatonia - Don’t Tell A Soul (Legend) I have been destroyed by the perfection that is a lie see I'm moving soon see my feet are already on the road and if you know where I’m going don’t tell a soul

55. Haken - The Mind’s Eye (Legend) The shape of things to come are closer than they seem Changing your design every time you disappear I'm planning my escape through portals of your mind Where people seem to drop like flies

56. Pain of Salvation - Species (Legend) Sometimes I hate my fucking species Yet most days I'll do anything to please it  My generation was fooled to pursue our dreams But it is not what it seems You never need what you want And you rarely want what you need

57. Euringer - Do You Kiss Your Mama with That Mouth? (Legend) All my life, misunderstood I'm fuckin' too smart, too smart for my own good The last question, before I go is "Hey motherfucka, do you kiss your mama with that mouth?"  Yes! I kiss your mama with this mouth

58. !!! - Pardon My Freedom (Legend) Like I give a fuck, like I give a shit Like I give a fuck about that shit Like I give a fuck about that motherfucking shit

59. Team Sleep - Ataraxia (Legend) Froze asleep Coma deep I dream I'm out with you Alone at sea

60. Oliver Tank - Embrace (Legend) You're in my dreams The world is torn apart at the seams And I don't wanna leave Wearing my heart on it's sleeve

61. Machine Gun Fellatio - The Girl of My Dreams (Is Giving Me Nightmares) (Legend) The girl of my dreams is giving me nightmares I don't know what it means but she's got multi-coloured hair When she stands in the sand I dream of peaches And I'm not sure what that means either

62. Earl Greyhound - Shotgun (Legend & Hyrule) I am nobody, nobody is who I am I am a traveler on this land And nothing, nothing, nothing in my hands

63. TV on the Radio - Staring at the Sun (Hyrule) You're staring at the sun You're standing in the sea Your mouth is open wide You're trying hard to breathe The water's at your neck There's lightning in your teeth Your body's over me

64. Echo & The Bunnymen - The Killing Moon (Time) Fate Up against your will Through the thick and thin He will wait until You give yourself to him

65. Sufjan Stevens - Sugar (Sky) Don’t break my heart, don’t break my flow now And all this rage has got to go now Let’s take up this lifeline Come on, baby, gimme some sugar Don’t make me wait Don’t make me wait too long Don’t make me sing the sad song Come on, baby, gimme some sugar

66. Obsydians - Ascension (Sky) Rise above the hardships you’ll face I will sign and keep on rising As long as you are giving me your soul and keep me awake Feel like home and spread your light around I will listen and just be there As long as you are giving me your love I’ll give you my soul

67. Sonique - Sky -_-

68. Enter Shikari - The King (Ganon) Watch your back, my friend I'm about to kickstart a cycle Of never ending revenge And this time it's primal, it's tribal

69. Saul Williams - WTF! (Ganon, Hylia) "You've been polluted, uprooted by time You have been muted, computed but I'm A living vessel of the one, of the moon, of the sun" Hey! You ain't as dead as you seem, what the fuck? Hey! But you keep living your lies

70. These New Puritans - We Want War (Ganon/ Dark Link/ any nemesis I guess) Shadows dance back up, it's happening again If you listen carefully you might hear them whisper: "We hold all the secrets, we hold all the words; But they're scrambled and broken so you'll never know" Can't you see them Floating like black ash? Can't you feel them Crawling down your back?

[soyeahitsmiddleearth]

Multi-Dimensional pt. 1

The Company x Reader

I would love more parts of this tbh. But I would also love a scenario just like this but involving The Company??? Maybe? If you feel up to it. __In reference to the fellowship one I recently posted.

Living on a farm kinda far from other people was a very conscious decision. 

It’s not like you just up and left and decided to do it on a whim or anything, this was calculated carefully and planned accordingly. 

There are two very important reasons why you chose to live a bit further from the neighborhoods, semi-rural if you will, and these two reasons include; A. your desire to have as many animals as you want, and B. not wanting to deal with BS constantly in a crowded neighborhood or apartment complex. 

It’s not that you dislike people or anything like that (though you do like animals more), but being surrounded by them 24/7 isn’t something you much like. 

Now one may wonder; how do you manage to afford an updated country house with multiple animals as well as yummy home-cooked meals and other leisure’s? 

Well, the answer to that is quite simple. 

Not all of the animals are actually yours. 

You’re an animal sitter/trainer. And not just any animal sitter, but one with a degree and huge amounts of land and access to numerous pet care supplies. You have a friend, a very good friend, who owns a share of a large scale farm and pet care grocery chain, so you literally get everything for either half the price or literally free. And your rates as a pet sitter with a degree and previous experience are freaking massive. 

Like, up to $25/hour maximum, massive. For multiple days, and sometimes a week. 

Saying you’re loaded is an overstatement, but  very  well off suffices. 

Anyways, you live pretty simply. You take care of your animals, go out around the city and have someone watch the house, eat some good dinner, and just… relax. 

It’s never lonely when you’ve got so many excellent animals to keep you company, or at least, not really. Sometimes you do wish you had someone else to share your life with, someone to talk about things with (who will actually respond) and to hold you and tell you everything’s okay when things are going bad…

Damn you want a boyfriend, one that’s the complete opposite of your last one.

“Maybe he was the best I could do…” You grumble, then slap the sides of your face, “No… no, don’t think that. If I’m meant to be in a relationship, my future love will simply teleport into my living room *I stole this from a funny tweet* . Otherwise, I will remain single. Like my dogs, kinda…” You grumbled to yourself last night before you went to bed. 

Maybe you shouldn’t have said that, because when you wake up that next morning in your pile of fur (2 dogs and 3 cats) and head downstairs to begin your morning feeding ritual, you’re met with the sight of 14 dudes sprawled about in your immaculate living room, getting mud on your carpet and… are those weapons?

Be careful what you wish for, I guess.

If this was meant to be a robbery attempt, then they butchered it horribly. 

You turn and go into your kitchen and put multiple kettles on the stove, intending to just make… all of the tea in your cupboard. 

When your two puppies came trotting down the stairs after you, you walk about out of the kitchen and watch them, and the moment they catch wind of the pile of men in your house they are on alert. You attempt to stop them from running over, but they are already sniffing around them and pawing at their faces curiously before you can so much as call their names. 

“Good God, why can’t I just have a normal day?” You mumble to yourself, inching over slowly when your fluffy brown and white floofer Yeti, literally, sits on a very small blond man. And then you realize, they’re all kinda small. Or short, thicc👌if you may, since they are more buff and not fat (not all of them at least). 

Your other dog, Copper, continues to sniff around (ever the paranoid pup, good boy) but eventually goes back to you instead of trying to suffocate that blond dude. 

When you’re sure they’re still out-cold, you return to the kitchen and scrounge up 14 mugs and glass cups and get the tea steeping, sighing as you search your cupboard for something to put out. Damn it if they were planning on robbing you at… ax-point, then you’re going to be so freaking hospitable and generous that they’ll regret even thinking of it (realistically you’re not worried because Yeti and Copper can definitely eat them whole).

Eventually, you find some platters leftover from a party you were invited to a few days ago (you got to keep the leftovers), so you bring them out to the coffee table near where they’re hanging out and just set it out, then return to the kitchen in shifts and bring the mugs out two or three at a time (three if you’re feeling especially daring). Pretty soon everything is out, so you then decide to take the weapons you have immediate access to and hide them.

Of course, your definition of ‘hiding them’ is putting them all on your love seat and covering it with a blanket. 

You assume they probably have more hidden in various places on their bodies and under their clothes, but you’re not gonna even consider taking those. 

Once you’re 100% done with your anti-robbery check-list, you lay down on your couch with your feet facing them and begin to read the book you left on your coffee table the night before. 

Right when you begin to wonder if any of them are even alive, some begin to groan and move around sluggishly. 

You hear a couple worried 'Bilbo?’s’ and someone say either 'kill’ or 'Kili’, so you get up and retreat to your kitchen in case they get violent. 

Someone screams muffled-ly and you assume the blond guy has awakened. 

As soon as the guy screams most of them jump to their feet and begin to look around wildly, and you duck beneath the counter and peek out from the side nervously. 

“Where is my ax!?” Someone yells with an accent. 

“What in Mahal is sitting on Bilbo?!” Another yells. 

“Master Baggins!" 

"Is that food?" 

Everything goes quiet when someone yells about the food, and then there’s some shuffling and rustling of plastic and Yeti comes trotting into the kitchen. A triumphant smirk settles on your face, and you slowly stand and see that they’re all standing and looking down at the coffee table.

"Is this for us?” The small blond man who Yeti seemed to like, asks. 

You decide now is the time for your dramatic entrance. “Yes, it’s for you.”

At the sound of your voice, they all whirl around and look at you with wide eyes, pushing the same small blond behind them as they reach for the hidden weapons you knew they had. 

You don’t say anything.

“You didn’t even search us properly!” One of the taller brown-haired ones exclaims, oh he’s kinda cute, with a smug smirk on his face. 

Okay, wow that’s insulting. He’s definitely insinuating that you’re dumb, definitely. “Excuse me, I know very well that you had stuff in your clothes, but I didn’t much like the idea of invading your personal space." 

Now you get confused looks and no response. 

"Besides, I took all your big weapons and I know that they must’ve meant something to you. I’ll hold them hostage if you try to rob me." 

More confused looks, then a raven-haired guy, the one who pushed the blond behind them, speaks up, "Where are our weapons?" 

You resist the urge to look over at the horribly hidden pile of swords, daggers, single bow, and axes under the blanket on your love seat and state, "I’ve hidden them somewhere you’ll never find them!” You yell, “You can tear this house apart brick by brick and you’ll still never find them! I’ve put them somewhere so-”

“It’s under that blanket, isn’t it?” A blond guy with a braided mustache asks. 

You take a pause and look over to exactly where he’s talking about. 

It’s completely silent for about 30 seconds until you realize you should probably deny it.

“…No."  

Yeah, there’s literally the hilt of a blade and the bow sticking out from under it. 

Some of them seem more amused than alert now, and you realize you’ve succeeded in making them see you as not a threat. 

You clear your throat awkwardly, and look away from the blanket, "L-Lets not read too much into that. What’s really important here is that you are literally the worst robbers I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting.” You glare at the lot of them before a big smile suddenly spreads across your face, “Oh! I got you snacks by the way, and my name is Y/N.”

A couple of them exchange weird looks, probably because you’re totally psyching them out, and you can tell they’re beginning to question your sanity. And that’s where they go wrong, because once they know your name and grow attached, then there’s no way they’ll be able to hurt or rob you. 

The raven-haired dude, he seems to be the leader of this operation, steps forward, “We are no robbers.” Is all he says as if that clears everything up. 

“Um, then why are you in the middle of my house? Seems pretty robber-y from where I’m standing." 

He purses his lips and looks at you intensely as if he’s trying to stare you into submission, but you will not be intimidated.

"No excuse, then?” You ask.

He sighs quietly when he realizes, ultimately, that you’ve got a point. “Truthfully, I have no memory of how we got to be here.” The half-man pauses to collect his thoughts, then continues, “I don’t know where we are, nor do any of us. This place is foreign and everything is odd… and new." 

You tap your foot a couple of times and cross your arms over your chest, not really believing it but also not-not believing it since they are rather peculiar. 

"If you’re not robbers then tell me something only a not robber would say!” Getting them to underestimate you is key. 

You get more weird looks and some of them actually laugh, bingo, before the same guy speaks again, “We… we’re not going to rob you?" 

For a few moments, you pretend to deliberate over what he said, then nod, "Well damn, why didn’t you say so before?” Some tense shoulders relax, then you continue, “Anywaaayyys, I made tea and that blond fellow in the back looks kinda skinny so help yourselves to the platters I’ve set out. Oh, yes, also I hope none of you are afraid of dogs, cats, snakes, turtles, or small rodents because they’re literally everywhere." 

"Are you not being too hasty in accepting us into your home?” The black-haired dude asks slowly, looking around at the rest of the people around him. 

Yes, he has a point you know, but there’s something that tugs at your heartstrings when you look at this disheveled group of short men. Their eyes are sunken and tired with bags big enough to cost you extra on a flight, they are dirty and some of them a bit bloody, they look so hungry, and there’s just a horrible exhausted and negative haze settled over the lot of them. They just look so damn pathetic and sad, and god that small blond and the brown-haired pretty guy look like sad little puppies- 

It then occurs to you that they are, essentially, strays, and that thought softens your hard outer-shell. 

You have to help them.

You let a smaller smile upturn the corners of your lips as you say a bit quieter and more serious, “Maybe I am. I don’t know who you are or if you’re telling me the truth, but even I can see that something isn’t right here. You all look tired and hungry, a-and if I turn you away knowing something’s wrong, what kind of person does that make me?”

You’ve done it plenty of times with dogs and feral cats before, and they can be just as dangerous. 

It seems that they’re all listening to what you have to say, so you go on, “I have the means to help and Yeti has taken to your blond man-child,” you gesture to your fluffy boy who is pawing at said guy in search of head pats, “And… something in my heart is telling me that I shouldn’t send you away.” You tap your fingers against your elbow a couple times, then say softly, “Please don’t make me regret it…" 

There are a few moments of silence before the person you were talking to responds again, "We will try to cause no trouble for you." 

You nod your head and turn to go back into the kitchen, whistling for Yeti and Copper to come follow you. "I’m going to be out for 10 minutes, don’t cause trouble.” Leaving them by themselves is the ultimate test of how trustworthy they are, and you’ll only be just outside feeding the animals so you can hear everything. 

“We won’t." 

You’ll have to see. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #343

“i slither like a viper and get you by the neck  /  i know a thousand ways to help you forget about her”

What's your favorite kind of bear? I don't really know. I just like bears. Have you ever sent a FWD because you were afraid? Ha, yup, as a little kid. Would you ever date more than one person at a time? Nooooo sir. Have you ever rebounded... or been someone's rebound? No. What’s the biggest argument you’ve ever had with a family member? Did things ever go back to how they were beforehand? My grandmother cursed me the fuuuuck out one night as a kid because I was in a mood and didn't tell my mother goodnight. I still remember being called an ungrateful bitch with her like an inch from my face, and admittedly, I was being rude because I wanted to go home, but it kinda scarred me for life. For the remainder of her life, I was always sort of on edge around her and was convinced she didn't like me. Have you ever experienced some kind of natural disaster? I've been through lots of hurricanes. None that massively affected my life, though. If you have pets, do you feed them human food or do they just get regular pet food? If they do get human food, what’s their favorite thing to have? Venus is a snake, so she obviously doesn't get food meant for humans. Roman is very well-trained to not beg or make a move for people's food; he tried once as a kitten, and giving him a pop taught him right away. Have you ever been in a physical fight? Who won? No. What’s the mode of transport that you take or use the most? The car. Mom's, specifically. Have you ever had a zoo keeper experience or anything where you’ve been able to go behind the scenes and look after/feed the animals? No, but I wish. :( Would you ever want the responsibility of being a politician or a similar position of power? NOOOOOOO. What’s something your parents do that really annoys you? Mom is *always* right, pretty much indisputably. And she WILL have the last word. Dad, meanwhile, can be pretty rude to people. I don't think he realizes it half the time, but still. It's not an excuse. What is your main source of anxiety? Social interactions. What’s your favorite 90s cartoon? Pokemon. Describe the moment you realized you were falling in love with someone. I'd rather not. What’s your favorite sparkling water brand/flavor? I've never tried sparkling water. What’s your favorite makeup brand/brands? I don't have a favorite, considering I don't wear it nearly enough and have never even bought my own. I just use whatever Mom buys. What are some female names you would name a baby? Alessandra is my favorite for sure. I also love Anneliese, Justine, Evelyn, Chloe, Evangeline, Quinn... There's a lot. What about male? Severin is my favorite, and I also like Damien, Vincent, Victor, and Luther. Do you have any subscription boxes? No. What fictional creature would you like as a pet? I want a dragon, goddammit. Idc if it can breathe fire ok I want a dragon. Ewoks are also the one and only thing I enjoy from Star Wars. What kind of dwelling do you live in? Just a one-story house. Is there anyone you work with that you don't get along with? Why? N/A Do you have an opinion on adopting/purchasing a pet? PLEASE adopt, especially with cats and dogs, given the number of strays. Purebreds tend to have so many underlying issues, and besides, it's just a LOT of money for an animal that probably wouldn't outlive a mutt. Don't feed the machine if you can. What's your favorite chain restaurant? The Cheesecake Factory or Olive Garden. Why were you last pulled over? I’ve never been pulled over before. What was the last thing you've done on the water? Just kinda swam around a bit in the ocean. It was so warm, totally like a bath. I do NOT miss that sun poisoning, though. Are you cool with swimming in a lake? I think I'd do it if someone invited me to, and the lake didn't look filthy, of course. Do you have a drone? No. What's your favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurant? We have this tiny, local Mexican place that's really good. I don't know the name of it, and I wouldn't share it for obvious reasons. What do you order from there? Chips and salsa of course, along with a shrimp and cheese quesadilla, and finally their cheesy rice. What's your favorite ice-cream flavor? Depending on my mood, it bounces between vanilla with chocolate syrup or just plain chocolate. Do you have any t-shirts from any local businesses? No. Do you listen to any talk shows or podcasts? I used to listen to Mark, Bob, and Wade's podcast, but I'm like... ten months behind, haha. What's something someone calls you that you find endearing? I like "love" a lot. What's your favorite children's book? I loved books like The Rainbow Fish, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Stellaluna, 10 Minutes 'til Midnight, What Makes a Rainbow?, Chrysanthemum, etc. Is there a new season for a series you're excited to come out? Meerkat Manor comes back this summer, and I am fucking HYPED. How old are you? I'm 25. What is something unique you enjoy about the one you like/love? I tease her about it all the time, but it's really cute that she keeps all of her snakes' good sheds in her room. Proud reptile mom. Are you more liberal or conservative? I'm close to the middle, but I lean towards being more liberal, and I seem to go more that way with time. Do you watch American Horror Story? I used to. I saw the entire first season and really liked it, and then I almost finished the second, but I lost interest. The story got a bit stupid imo. I'd be willing to watch other seasons, though. Does your hometown have any urban legends/scary stories? None that I’m aware of. The people there are scary enough. What's the scariest nightmare you remember having? Let's not talk about it. Are you medicated? Uh very. Are there any apps you're addicted to? Nah. Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? It was initially a bunny holding a polka-dotted blanket, then it become a moose I got from Cabela's when in Ohio. Do you still collect stuffed animals? Only meerkat ones. Have you ever stolen/borrowed clothes from an ex? Haha I've worn Jason's pj pants before and they just kinda... became mine, lol. What's the last movie you watched at home? The Shining, I believe. What's the last movie you watched in theaters? The CGI remake of The Lion King. I still don't get why it was received so badly. Have you ever had eggs cooked over a campfire? I don't think so, no. If you do drink, what's your favorite alcoholic beverage? Margaritas, generally. However, Sara's dad made me this absofuckinglutely incredible chocolate drink before that tasted like a milkshake. It had like, no alcohol flavor, which worked out well for me considering I very much dislike that taste. Are there any songs you've been listening to repetitively lately? There's a new one every day lately, haha. Today it's Halocene's cover of "Love Bites (So Do I)." Cereal, granola, or oatmeal? Cereal. What TV shows did you grow up watching? You gotta gimme an age group... but I'd say the typical stuff for kids of that time. What does your phone case look like? It's just a boring purple that came with it. What were your favorite toys to play with as a child? I looooved playing with my "family" of a father crocodile, a mother deer, their two "children" (a fawn and smaller croc), and "friends" that were little Pokemon figurines. Then there was an evil t-rex with two stupid sidekicks, haha. I can't remember what dinosaurs they were. What's the most embarrassing thing you can ever remember doing? Hold on, lemme find my book. Do you remember what you dreamt about last night? I only very faintly recall dreaming about my cat Roman. Have you ever done anything embarrassing in a dream? Thank FUCK they're just dreams. Do you vape? Nah. What was a song you loved as a child? So uh. Apparently. I loved "Dookie" by Green Day. It's an undying story from Mom about how it came on once at a putt-putt place and I apparently started yelling "dookie!" and dancing. Do you enjoy the Arctic Monkeys? Yeah, I love some of their songs. Are you going to see Finding Dory? You bet your sweet ass I saw it. I've cried everytime I've watched it. Have you ever been horseback-riding? I have not, but I would love to. When was your last piercing? Whenever I got my tragus done, which I can't remember. What did your first crush look like? I don't remember my puppydog love first crush, but I can talk about my first REAL crush, Sebastian. He's a skinny dude with short, brown hair and a lip piercing... I can't remember which kind. He dressed in an emo style, and Facebook pictures at least suggest he still kind of does, I think. Is your body more curvy or flat? Well, I'm not at all skinny, so... What's your least favorite holiday? Probably Christopher Colombus Day, honestly. You didn't discover shit. Don't pretend to me it's worth celebrating in a clean conscience. if you’re having a boring day what do you usually do? If I'm rock-bottom bored, quite honestly, I normally nap, even though I know I shouldn't. Do you turn to food when you're upset? Ugh, I'm admittedly an emotional eater. I got way better about it, and then I started up again. Is your bf/gf good with your parents? I don't have an s/o. Do you think soda should be served at school? Vending machines are fine I suppose, as I don't believe they should be free seeing as they're nothing but sugar content, and I feel schools shouldn't just hand that out to kids at lunch or something. Do dogs have feelings? They sure do. Are you afraid of snakes? Oh no! I adore them. I respect snakes and am going to give wild ones their space for sure considering I don't recognize every native venomous one, but nevertheless, I'm not afraid of them. They are so vital to the ecosystem and are incredibly fascinating animals that deserve our protection. On that note, PLEASE do not kill any snake you come across in your shed or whatever. Call someone to relocate the terrified thing. Favorite snack? It depends on what I'm in the mood for, really. Ever seen The Notebook? Read the book, seen the movie plenty of times. Do you think cussing is trashy? No. Who is the most famous person you’ve met, if any? Nobody. Do you own any animals that aren’t domestic? No. Have you ever feared that you would lose a body part? No. Do you like gore? Yeah, generally. Do you like to drink water? Ugh, I really don't. I wish I did. Have you ever had a wax? I used to get my eyebrows waxed. Do you have any sets of matching bras and underwear? No. Are you any good at improv? Not at ALL.

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Episode 16: The Job

Here are my time-stamped thoughts as usual.

WRITTEN THE MORNING OF April 20, 2020. EPISODE 19 HAD NOT YET BEEN RELEASED!!!!

SPOILERS AHEAD

0:10 - How much time has passed since the end of last episode? A week? A month? 

0:15 - You can see Mr. David sitting outside the door here. I can’t tell if he’s looking into the cell. BUT if everyone thinks that Jessica stabbed Martin - why is she allowed into his cell right now?!? 

0:17 - Malcolm looks so dead inside right now. Dang. This boy does not want to be visiting Martin. Jessica looks angry with Martin and done with his antics - as usual. 

0:50 - Martin is so proud that Malcolm stabbed him. This is peak dysfunction. 

1:20 - Ugh. Can’t Malcolm catch a break? Martin is manipulating him again.....wait. Did Martin orchestrate his own stabbing just to see Malcolm more often?!? That’s seriously messed up.

1:23 - ....This means that Malcolm had regular visits with Martin when he was a kid. Was it scheduled like some sort of twisted custody agreement? Like every Wednesday afternoon? 

2:15 - Why did Jessica and Malcolm go back to Malcolm’s loft instead of Jessica’s house? Is Malcolm’s loft closer? Does the house hold too many memories of Martin? 

2:30 - Malcolm looks so scared here. He knows that Martin controls him now. He knows that he’s doing a version of jail-time for his crimes. He’s scared of what his mother is planning. He’s scared that Martin won’t make a statement. 

2:48 - Anyone else’s heart break as you watched Malcolm realize that he can’t think of a single happy thing in his life? Mine did. It looks like Jessica’s did too. 

3:00 - Why is Jessica still riding the Eve/Malcolm train? Eve told Jessica that Malcolm is a good person “deep down” - hella insulting if you ask me. And they tried to date - it lasted one night. They clearly aren’t meant for each other. Their relationship didn’t last 48 hours!!! 

3:05 - Did Malcolm date as a teenager? Was Jessica this meddlesome in his love life then too? 

3:17 - OMG. Every child has had this experience with their parent. For me - it was/is every time my grandmother (who lives on another continent) called us. All she talks about is food. I love her but I don’t want a 3 hour conversation about the sales in the grocery store. 

 3:25 - Is Malcolm even still into Eve? It doesn’t seem like it. I think he just wants to make his Mom happy and make it up to Eve in general. I don’t think he’s in a good mental state to date anyone right now tbh. Even though I ship Brightwell. 

3:41 - OMG. Jessica looks like she’s watching her favourite reality TV show. I’m cringing. 

4:31 - I love watching Gil make a joke a Malcolm’s expense. It’s kind of adorable - looks how happy Gil looks. Watching JT laugh at it is great too. HOWEVER, I’ve only seen Malcolm wear one (1) watch. A regular looking watch with a brown leather band. I’m no watch connoisseur but it didn’t look like one of those super fancy expensive ones? So I assume Gil is just making a joke about Malcolm’s general wealth? 

5:28 - I don’t think Edrisa is making Malcolm uncomfortable on purpose. I think she’s just super socially awkward. She starts backing off as soon as she notices Malcolm’s discomfort. JT’s comment though - hahaha I love him. Give JT more screen time. 

5:43 - OMG. Gil, JT, and Dani look so confused and annoyed here. Vijay certainly makes an entrance. Not in a good way. I immediately hate him for being a pompous jerk. 

5:50 - Malcolm doesn’t look all that excited to see Vijay. Shocked and confused? Definitely. He even looks a little embarrassed. He looks back at the team as though he doesn’t want them to see Vijay. 

6:00 - Vijay is an overgrown bully. He is way too physical with Malcolm, who doesn’t seem to enjoy much physical contact. He doesn’t even like it when Edrisa (a completely harmless, socially awkward friend) stands too close to him. That first slap on Malcolm’s shoulder looked violent - not like friends greeting each other. AND he deliberately calls Malcolm “Whitly” after Malcolm asked him not to. 

6:04 - Awww look at how proud Malcolm is to be working with Major Crimes!!! My heart is so full. 

6:25 - Malcolm looks super uncomfortable when Vijay wipes his finger gun on him. 

6:30- Dani and JT look intrigued and confused that Malcolm knows this dude. They also look annoyed that Vijay is manhandling Malcolm and clearly trying to trick Malcolm into thinking that he and Vijay are friends. AND GIL. Oh dude. Gil has definitely heard stories about Vijay. This man does not like Vijay. Gil does not like Vijay touching Malcolm either.

6:40 - OK. A couple of things: 1) Dani showing up behind Malcolm like his guard dog is adorable. This is the friend Malcolm deserves. 2) Dani’s face when Vijay tries to flirt with her is a mood. This woman is hating Vijay more with every passing second. 

7:00 - “Aww. You were bad Dad kids” hahaha brb crying. 

7:01 - Seriously though, this is a cool moment. You can see that Malcolm isn’t sure how he feels about Vijay. Dani sees it too....ALSO can we get some more info about this boarding school? Was it in New York? Was it only for high school? Did Malcolm come home on weekends? How did Malcolm’s nightmares work in the dorms?! I HAVE QUESTIONS. 

7:17 - And here comes Papa Gil. Calling Malcolm loudly by his preferred name. As a subtle reminder to Malcolm that they’re working AND a subtle shot at Vijay the douchebag.

7:40 - I’ll say it. When the killer lifts up his visor it looks like Vijay. I spent most of this episode convinced that Vijay was the killer.

8:44 - Ugh. When Vijay (or anyone really) winks I just want to deck them. It’s so freaking gross. I hate him more and more with every passing moment. 

8:46 - hahaha this interaction between Gil and Malcolm is everything. Malcolm looks embarrassed, ashamed, and a little scared. Gil just looks concerned that Malcolm is falling for this dude’s act again. 

9:05 - hahaha guessing JT’s name is my favourite running gag on this show. Dani knows it - look at her face. AND Malcolm he just looks so happy to have a game to play with JT. JT even looks happy about it. It’s so cute. Malcolm is acting like the annoying little brother he is. 

9:20 - Inserting yourself into a murder is a RED FLAG that usually indicates the perpetrator right? ....why are we not investigating this douche?

9:30 - Dani and JT do not like Vijay. OMG. They’re both throwing sarcastic insults Vijay’s way. I assume it’s partially because Vijay is acting like a pompous jerk and trying to do their jobs for them. It’s probably also because they heard him be a dick to Malcolm at the crime scene. Dude wasn’t quiet. 

10:30 - “Please stop.” I honestly think Malcolm only said that because Gil was watching from the doorway (like the protective dad he is). Something tells me that Malcolm’s self-worth is so low that he would’ve just let Vijay keep talking until it was safe to leave if Gil wasn’t there.

11:05 - Again. Mr. David isn’t looking into the room. Why?

11:18 - Why does Martin know about Vijay? For some reason it upsets me to think that Malcolm and Martin talked about anything other than murder. 

12:07 - FINALLY. The epiphany of a lifetime. Malcolm has finally realized that his trust issues stem from his father. Ugh. It only took 20 years of therapy and the reappearance of Vijay. 

12:25 - I hate that Martin refuses to acknowledge that he caused Malcolm any pain. Every parent makes mistakes because no human being is perfect. Good parents sometimes cause their children emotional pain unintentionally but they at least acknowledge it. More proof that Martin is scum. 

12:51 - A couple of things. 1) I am so proud of Malcolm. Did you see the way he threw Gil in his dad’s face?!? Gold. Genius. 10/10. A+. BUT 2) The look on Martin’s face in reaction to Gil’s name (and Malcolm’s obvious respect and love for Gil) terrifies me. I’m so scared that Martin is going to find a way to injure/kill Gil. I’m terrified that he’s going to make Malcolm watch. 

13:55 - So...we’re all just going to pretend that this is medically possible? Ok. ALSO why is no one concerned about Dani?!?! All the victims have been pretty, young women with dark, curly hair. THAT IS DANI. Why has no one said anything?!? This episode would’ve been so much better if she was kidnapped and the team had to save her. 

14:30 - Gil throwing shade at Vijay. <3 Also - look at the way Gil looks at Malcolm when he leaves the room. It’s a look that says “Don’t do anything stupid. I don’t trust this guy.”

14:40 - Vijay called Malcolm “Whitly” again. I’m so mad. I will scream. 

15:40 - Vijay is a bad influence on Malcolm. I don’t like this. Malcolm is blackmailing a surgeon and making calls to his father for advice on blackmail. No no. Get Gil back in here - he’s a good influence. 

17:00 - ....why does Malcolm know the stats on facial blindness off the top of his head? 

18:15 - Gil and Malcolm don’t trust Vijay. Look at those faces. 

19:04 - Look at how hard Malcolm is trying to mask his pain here. Ugh. My heart is breaking. 

19:15 - Is Vijay really trying to blame this on Malcolm? Vijay is totally manipulating Malcolm. Malcolm is being super honest and aware of his short-comings and Vijay is using him. I hate it. 

20:20 - Aww.. Malcolm can’t cook (of course he can’t - boy barely eats). Why is this information still exciting to me? AND Malcolm with rolled up sleeves is attractive. Look at those forearms. ALSO he’s wearing a black watch now. This makes sense though because last we saw of his brown watch was in 1x10. When Watkins had him chained up the watch was gone. I assume it was destroyed in 1x11. This is the new watch? I assume? My headcannon is still that Malcolm doesn’t have more than 2 watches. 

20:35 - I feel really bad for Malcolm here. He’s trying so hard to make things right with Eve. He looks so nervous. 

20:47 - Soooo Eve isn’t looking for an apology? She’s looking to “talk about his problems”. Yo. Even if I didn’t like Eve before - I wouldn’t like her now. I’m getting the “I can fix him” vibe from her. Those relationships are never healthy. 

21:45 - I hate Eve but I will admit: I love that she told Malcolm it wasn’t his fault. That he was just a kid. People don’t tell him that enough. Plus, look at how anxious and sad he is when he tells Eve about the gitb. Ugh. My heart is shattering. 

22:30 - Does Gil ever go home? Why is he still at the office? ....also the man has his phone enabled to track Malcolm?!? hahahaha that is perfect. How much do you want to bet that that started after Watkins?

23:20 - Malcolm’s hair is a mess again. It’s time for manic, reckless Malcolm to appear. 

23:40 - Malcolm is angry at Vijay. Check out that shade he’s throwing. I’m so happy.

24:50 - Is Vijay paying for the watches out of pocket? Or is his company paying? Either way - not a fan. 

26:26 - Jessica is a vicious woman. I love her. “I should call Gil.” BUT now I’m even more scared that Martin will try to hurt Gil. 

28:45 - Do you know how I know that Malcolm is a good person? Vijay is a jerk to Malcolm. Malcolm doesn’t like Vijay. Yet, Malcolm saves Vijay. 

30:02 - I love this outburst of Malcolm’s. I see in hindsight how it was a coded message. However, I think it was also just a straight shot at Vijay. Malcolm’s smart enough to do both at once. I like Malcolm standing up for himself. It’s sweet. 

35:15 - I hate this. I hate that Malcolm’s subconscious tries to convince him that he’s a serial killer.  Yes - Malcolm is capable of manipulation. However - he does need friends and he isn’t a killer. Ugh. I feel so bad for Malcolm. Someone give this boy a hug. 

38:35 - Malcolm is high on adrenaline and mania right now. He has a concussion. He’s not thinking straight....but it is nice to see him so happy. Too bad it’s like watching someone you love fall into the wrong crowd though. 

39:10 - Was Vijay under arrest? He should be. Gil should do it on principle. Because Vijay almost got our favourite profiler killed. 

39:50 - I’m sorry. Doesn’t everyone know about Jessica’s search for the gitb?!? SHE BROADCASTED IT ON LIVE TV. She just didn’t call her the gitb. 

40:51 - WTF. WTF. No. No. I don’t like Eve. This was such a messed up, stupid thing to do. I don’t even feel bad for her. I just hate her for playing the Whitlys. 

Thanks for hanging out.

[domesticsns]

Honestly if the Uchiha family existed in real life, let's be honest,they would look pretty shady.A man insulted an Uchiha's boyfriend? The next day,he was found beaten up and was placed in a psychiatric ward due to traumatic experience he would not tell.People would probably assume they're the mafia or something.While in reality they are just a family of disfunctional human beings.

Yeah, but they’re a close family. They are broken pieces, but turns out these broken pieces fit together perfectly. 

One time it were just the Uchiha boys hanging out together. Just like the old days before they had jobs and wives and children *for Sasuke just Naruto but it still fits the two latter categories*.

They were having drinks at the bar and were talking and their conversation can be pretty much about anything. Anyway Sasuke checks his phone and says: “The waifu texted.’

And Madara arches an eyebrow and asks what he means with that and Sasuke says that sometimes for fun he and Naruto pretend they’re in a hetereosexual relationship. When Shisui asked what he meant by that. Sasuke says it just kind of joking about being in a stereotypical hetereosexual relationship by pretending their sex life is non-exisitng, the kids are bunch of ungrateful brats and they’re only together for ‘the kids’ but the reality is, is that they are just too afraid to be by themselves that they force them self to stick with the other because those are the norms society pushes on them and they pretend to be happy and to not have an affair. 

This all kinda just started happening when Sasuke and Naruto were shopping and found the typical Kyle and Karin type and they just started cracking about them and it stuck around. 

Madara asks who the Kyle is and who is the Karin.  Sasuke says they switch depending on the situation. If Sasuke calls because he is overworking he is the Kyle and if Naruto hasn’t done the dishes then he is the Kyle. and so on. 

“It almost sounds like you’re making fun of my marriage,” Itachi mutteres. 

“Wait, wait....You pretend to be a straight dude?” Madara asks. 

Sasuke says: “yes.” 

Madara: “You....Straight. I mean Naruto sure but you?” 

Sasuke: “What is that supposed to mean.” 

Madara : “Because he is bi that makes him half straight.” 

Sasuke: “No.” 

Izuna: “I wonder about straight Sasuke now.” 

Sasuke: “Yeah my straight alter ego his name is Chad, he is an investment banker. He is constantly cheating with his assistant and the lady from the lobby, but they don’t know about each other. The name of my wife is Susan. She is home maker and craft fanatic. Her cooking if awful and my house is always dirty. I have three kids and all three are spoiled and call me by my first name. It is like Susan isn’t even trying to raise them but whenever bring it up she ends up crying we get in a big fight. We hand’t had sex in like 3 years. “ 

Itachi, Shisui, Madara and Izuna are staring at Sasuke. 

“What?” Sasuke asks. 

“I wanna meet this Chad character of yours... Can please pretend to be chad for like five minutes.” Izuna beggs.

“No, I am only Chad over the phone. When people call for like the cable or something. So i can make them uncomfortable by secretly asking about the erotic packages and then I tell them about how i paid the doctor to give Susan a  husband’s stitch  after she gave birth to my daughter. Teared her right up. And now, she doesn’t want to have sex with me because it hurts.” 

“Okay Chad is dog.” Itachi says.

“I wanna meet chad.” Madara insist. 

“Pleaseee, I wanna meet chad too! Bring chad out!” Shisui beggs.

“You’re making it sound like I have multiple personalities while in reality I am just really good in role playing...Because everytime I broke character during disguise classes. I got my fingers broken. One by one.” 

“Everything you say is always so sad...” Izuna sighs and everybody looks down. Sasuke killed the mood, he feels kinda bad now. 

“Okay! I will pretend to be Chad!” He turns to Itachi, “Say PeanutButterAsshole in like an hour or else I will subconscious keep thinking somebody will break my fingers and won’t stop pretending to be Chad for like at least 6 months” 

“Okay, guys we shouldn’t be doing this. It sounds like playing with fire-” 

“It is fine, he gave us his safe word!” Izuna shouts. 

“Okay, I am grab a drink and I will chad after I finished it.” Sasuke gets up and goes to the bar orders a shot, takes it back, slams the drink on the table. Turns to the women who is maybe just 20 and says.  “He...” With little head nod and Madara goes: “Oh my god he is chad!” 

“Did anybody else feel like all the gayness around him disappear.” Izuna jokes. 

“I feel like this is going to be troublesome.” 

So they watch him flirt with this women, as Chad. And he is being a fucking jerk. Like he keeps talking about himself (chad)  what he went school he went the sports he played. How awesome he is. How much he makes and how tough he is and the women, sorry for her self-respect, is digging it. Probably because he is good looking.

“Okay I am going to stop this y’all had enough fun.” Itachi says after like twenty minutes. 

“NO he says an hour! I wanna hear about chad!” 

“You know more about Chad than you do about Sasuke.” 

“Fine i’ll go, but I’ll have Sasuke pay for the next round of drinks.” Izuna says and walks up to the bar and says: “PeanutButterAsshole”

And Sasuke turns to him Izuna and says :”Oh I said in an hour, was the fun over so quickly?” 

“Your brother killed the mood, but Chad was amazing. I mean I would have probably slept with Chad.” Izuna joked. 

“No, Chad is extremely homophobic.” Sasuke says, “Also he is like weirdly fascinated by the second world war.” 

“You thought his entire character out.” Izuna says, grabbing Sasuke’s wallet from his pocket. 

“I know I started this as a joke over the phone with Naruto...But I always do this. Like I am not the one to talk about my sex life a lot but every one of my character during role plays has entire backstory. I should stop doing that.” 

“i tried roleplay...Makes me laugh the entire time. Couldn’t cut it.”Izuna says. 

This woman is asking what the hell is going on and Izuna is like, “Oh sweetie, you just go see a therapist because the moment Chad cut you off when you talked about your mother who is in hospital just so he could talk about himself must have been an eye opener for you. Respect yourself, queen.” Izuna says. 

Then suddenly her boyfriend shows up and suddenly they realise where the lack of respect for herself come from because her boyfriend’s name is actually Kyle. And he is super mad. And shouts at his girlfriend and she looks at Izuna and goes: “No I am not going with you. I am breaking up with you.” 

And this guy grabs her arm and she screams and Izuna pushed Kyle away tells him to lay off. Kyle’s frat buddies is walking in and Kyle tells Izuna what he is going to do and called him an old man and Izuna is like: “Old?! Me?!” 

And he turns to Sasuke who says: “Well we are 30s and he is like what...25?” 

Kyle: “22″ 

Sasuke: “You’re just bunch babies. listen, I don’t want to hurt you guys. But I can’t let hit my cousin...Or...drag this girl with you, that is like low key kidnapping. Anyway it is against her will and I might not like but I did take an ought to protect the innocent...Whatever the fuck that means.” 

Izuna: “Yeah fuck off...I am not old.”  

Kyle is ready to punch Izuna in the face, but Sasuke blocks it and sighs as he looks at Izuna who gives Sasuke a little innocent smile. 

“You want me to help you take them down?” 

“Because you caused it and you feel responsible?” Sasuke asks Izuna who shakes his head. 

“He called me old!” Izuna protests. 

“What’s going on?” Itachi asks. 

“Why won’t we all just calm down and maybe not fight-” 

These guys start insulting Itachi and Shisui. Madara is just sitting in the booth, arms behind his head shouting at the others to just sit down and enjoy the show. 

Itachi says no and tells Sasuke and Izuna to just go and these frat guys say a whole ass of offensive shit now even Itachi doesn’t feel bad for them and he just taps Sasuke’s shoulder and says :”Go wild, I couldn’t give a shit.” 

“You heard him.” Sasuke says and that when he skilfully beat up twelve frat guys in a bar fight while Madara is paying off to owner to “break the security camera”. 

Shisui shouting: “No if you do that it doesn’t count as self defence anymore!” 

Sasuke goes: “What if I do this?!” 

Shisui: “Yeah that is okay...” 

Thirty minutes later Sasuke sits back down in the booth. 

“Oh you’re knuckles are bleeding...” 

Itachi pours some vodka on a napkin and cleans Sasuke’s knuckles who then AFTER BEATING 12 GUYS WHO LOOKS LIKE A BUNCH OF BEARS. says :”That hurts...Brother~” And have his older brother blow on it before covering it up with the first aid kit. 

“Is there ever going to be sceneratio where we just go out as a family and not...Y’know get in trouble.” 

(sorry my rambles are just kinda weird these days because idk i am in a rambling mood)

[an-unknown-writers-world]

Breaking Routine

Day Seven: Ice Skating

Part of @panicfob​ 25 Days of Christmas Challenge

Warnings: Angst

Pairing:  Bucky Barnes X Reader (First Person, Nameless) ; Sam Wilson x Reader(platonic)

 Word Count: 2171

A/N:  The beginning of this series can be found on my Masterlist if you’ve missed any of this.

-----------------------------------------------

It had been a long, hard quiet day. I woke up with the worst hangover I’d had since freshman year of college, although I was at a loss for which was worse, my alcohol hangover or the emotional turmoil, I was feeling. The day had been full of things that were amiss, I woke up later than normal, so Bucky had come and gone by the time I made breakfast. I had tried to go for a run but lacked any motivation, I even tried a few rounds with the heavy bag and couldn’t stay focused on it. Most of the day had passed even into the evening and I was yet to see Bucky and believe me, I had looked everywhere.

I was beginning to think that game night was a bad idea or at least the alcohol part of it. I had practically thrown myself at Bucky and haven’t seen him since. I thought we were fine afterward, at least I was fine. I understood his thought process and I respected his decision even when every fiber of my being wanted to fight him. 

After eating dinner, I realized pacing the house wasn’t getting me anywhere and I had already done all the laundry and dishes I could find. So, I found myself on the couch in the theater room watching ice skating. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted from being so inside my own head. I wasn’t sure how long I had been there before Sam moseyed in. 

“You look miserable,” Sam said plopping into the chair next to the couch.

“Gee, thanks,” I replied not pulling my eyes from the tv.

“Maria says hello.”

I frowned, I hadn’t seen Maria in weeks, I didn’t even know she was back in town. She calls most if not all of the missions still. “You got to see her?”

“She got back into town last night, she’ll be here for a few weeks.” 

“Hope I’ll get to see her,” I said looking at him.

“You will, she’s gonna be at the Stark Christmas party thing, I get to be her plus one.” He grinned, “Guess Barnes is the only one not coming. That is unless you’re taking him.”

I shrugged. “We haven’t talked about it.”

“I just assumed with as cozy as you two have been lately, that it didn’t need to be talked about.” Sam pushed.

“Well, you shouldn’t assume Sam.” My tone came out harsher than I intended. “If things were so peachy between us maybe he wouldn’t have vanished the entire day after I practically threw myself at him.” 

“Whoa,” He sighed. “That wasn’t the response I was expecting.”

Grabbing the pillow next to me, I fiddled with the threaded design. Fidgeting had always been my give away for anxiety, ever since I was a little girl. I hadn’t intended to tell Sam any of this, it really wasn’t any of his business.

“You wanna talk about it?” He asked.

I shrugged, “Not much to say. We were all drunk, I asked him to stay with me and he told me no. He went to bed and I haven’t seen him since.”

“That’s it he just said no?” 

“Well not technically, he gave me a noble speech about how he refused to stay with me if alcohol was involved in my decision making.” I rolled my eyes. “Sometimes his old-fashioned personality can be really frustrating.” 

“Dude’s got some morals though. And as much as it pains me to defend him, there’s not a whole heck of a lot of those he can hold onto still. Mind control kind of robs you of a lot of those.”

I was shocked at Sam’s defense of Bucky; he had incredibly valid points, but this was progress for them. “That’s the things Sam, I’m not even mad at him for it.” I sighed realizing things for myself for the first time today. “I’m mad at myself for doing it, to begin with, it wasn’t the right time and I knew that I just didn’t want to be apart from him. The thing that upsets me the most is that he’s been gone for god only knows how long and I haven’t heard from him.”

“He left around nine-thirty this morning,” Sam stated,

I looked at him confused.

“We interacted over coffee this morning.”

“You interacted? Like you had a conversation?” I laughed.

“Not sure I’d call it that,” He shrugged. “He grumbled about him being an idiot and an asshole, which I naturally agreed with.”

“Sam,” I chided 

“I didn’t know what was going on.” He urged, “If I did, I probably would have just sent him back upstairs to fix it.” 

“Do you know where he went?” 

“He didn’t say specifically, just that he was going to see a friend.”

“Ugh,” I threw the pillow in my face.

“That was a bit dramatic.”

“Shush. I’ve been stewing all day.” 

“What are you watching anyway?” Sam asked looking at the tv.

“Figure skating.” 

“Never understood the point of it, ice rinks are for hockey, not dance parties.”

I laughed, “Those girls are more athletic than you are.”

“How do you figure?”

We went back and forth bickering about pointless facts about ice skating in general. I had always knowns I was too clumsy to ever put myself on ice, but that didn’t stop me from watching it every winter that I could. We agreed that each use of an ice rink required specific skills that neither of us possessed. Eventually, he decided it was time for him to find food and get a workout in.

“Also, before I forget, Morgan and Peter are coming over tomorrow to build Gingerbread houses.” 

“Morgan can stay, the other kid’s gotta go.”

“You can’t hate him for webbing you forever. Will you turn the light off?” I called out as he got to the doorway. 

“It’s bad for your eyesight,” He replied, turning the light out anyways.

I wasn’t sure I cared about my eyesight at the moment, instead, I snuggled further into the couch pulling the blanket off the back; I stretched out with my head on one of the armrests. Focusing on the screen I tried to clear my mind and just focus on the tv, watching their beautiful rhythm, the smooth glides broke up by intense twists and jumps. It was mesmerizing really. I’m not sure how long I stayed that way, but it must have been a while.

“It’s beautiful,” Bucky said from the doorway. “Can I come in?”

“It’s a public space,” I stated,

He didn’t respond, instead, he came to sit on the couch. Carefully lifting my legs so they laid across his lap with the blanket. We had sat this way every night to watch the news lately, it was comfortable, but it felt wrong with my current mood. Neither of us spoke through the next routine, but it wasn’t the comfortable silence I was used to. It was thick with unspoken tension and unheard emotions.

“I’ve always had an irrational fear that I would fall and get my wrist sheared off by the blade of a skate,” Bucky confessed breaking the silence.

I looked him a little confused at first, “Always, like since you were a little kid?”

He nodded, “Even Steve would go ice skating; granted he usually broke or bruised something. But I was always content to sit on the side and watch. Did you ever skate growing up?” He asked.

I shook my head, “The town I grew up didn’t have any kind of ice rink and the nearest city that did was about two hours away. Even if it did, I don’t think I’d ever try. I’m too clumsy, I’d be afraid of falling.”

“Isn’t it funny how we let the fear of falling keep us from doing things we think we’d enjoy.” Bucky mused. 

He spoke so softly I wasn’t sure I was meant to hear it. I sat hesitantly wanting to speak, there were a hundred topics on the tip of my tongue, where had he been all day, did he leave because he couldn’t face me, was he okay? I wanted to apologize for my actions the night before, but then I wondered did they really require an apology, me vocalizing something that I wanted. 

I was beginning to feel like our relations the last few days was like a figure skating routine, long smooth glides, the steady build of our friendship, the first twist with the cookies, the curving glides with the tree and stitches episode and that first jump on the sleigh ride. Routines end, sometimes they end poorly with the skater crashing to the ground, other times they end with a beautiful bow.

“Can I turn this off so we can talk for a few minutes?” Bucky asked. 

This didn’t sound good.

“Sure, you’ll want to turn on the lamp behind you.”

He reached behind him flipping on the light and quickly powered the tv off. Turning ever so slightly, my legs still across his lap but his body facing me almost head-on now. The serious expression on his face was impossible to read.

“I owe you an apology,” He started.

“No, you don’t.” I interrupted. “I owe you one.”

Bucky sighed, “Please, let me.”

I nodded, agreeing to shut up so he could speak.

“I let my fear of falling stop me last night. There were so many different, better ways that I could have handled that last night. Neither of us wanted to be alone, I knew that’s what it was. We don’t have to sleep together to sleep together.” I smiled at the way he emphasized the first sleep. “I should have been more open and talked about it. I need to be honest with you, completely honest.”

“You haven’t shared a bed with anyone in eighty years?” I joked.

“Har, har.” He pretended to laugh.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.”

He reached out to grab my hand. “This terrifies me.” He confessed. “I don’t know how to do this; I barely knew how to do it in the ’40s. Last night after I went to bed and I heard your door close I got back up. I stood outside your room for a while, long enough to hear the crying. It killed me, I promised you back on the sleigh that I’d never break your heart and that’s exactly what I did last night.”

“Buck,” I sighed. “You did not break my heart. I was upset, but I was also drunk and overly emotional. I should have been clearer; I was asking you to stay the night with me not jump my bones.”

Bucky laughed, “What?”

I blushed, “You don’t know what jumping someone’s bones means?”

“Can’t say that I do, doll.”

“Well, it means to have sex.” 

“Oh,” He laughed.

“Let me be perfectly honest. You never have to apologize for having morals and not wanting to cross a line at a certain point. I know that there are some things I am more comfortable with than you might be. We grew up in different time periods. There’s nothing wrong with that.” I scooted down the couch to be closer to him, “I don’t want you to be afraid to say no to something because you’re afraid you’ll upset me.”

He nodded,

“You know the thing that upset me the most wasn’t even what happened last night. It sounds stupid, but I missed you at breakfast and everywhere I went in the compound today, you weren’t there. I didn’t know where you were.”

He smiled at me weakly, “You could have called or text. I was just in the city.”  

I looked down at where our fingers were intertwined, “I thought you were avoiding me.” 

“I was trying to give you space because I thought you were upset with me.”

“We really suck at thinking we know how each other is feeling.” I chuckled.

Bucky lifted my chin with his metal finger, “I’m not the best at saying how I feel sometimes.”  

He leaned forward pressing his lips to my forehead. When he pulled back, I looked up at his stormy blue eyes pulling me in like gravity. In one fluid motion, I closed the distance between us again pressing my lips to his. It was a sweet and gentle kiss, unspoken words of forgiveness and love shared. When we finally broke the kiss, I leaned my head in the crook of his neck trying to catch my breath. 

“I think that’s better than my stumbling over words.” Bucky laughed quietly.

“I don’t know, I like your words,” I replied pulling back to look at him again.

“You’re biased,” He kissed me chastely.

“I could get used to that.” I smiled.

He kissed my lips again, then forehead, the tip of my nose, before coming back and finding my lips once again. 

If this was our figure skating routine for the day, I’ll take it as a smooth gliding victory. 

[mtvswatches]

Wynonna Earp 3x02 When you Call My Name

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) Who is the fucker dragging Waverly away?! And the first thing that Wynonna says, even before she fully regains consciousness, is “Waverly.” I love these two sisters, I love that their relationship is the backbone of this show. Also, WTF.

How the fuck did she get there?

2) And I fucking love Wynonna Earp…

3) Is she… hallucinating her mother? I was wondering why, out of everyone else in her life, she would be fantasizing about her mother, but I didn’t have to wait long to find out. First of all, her ghost-mom reminds her of the survival rules she’d taught her when she was little. But most importantly, she reminds her that no matter how much pain she’s in right now, the pain of losing Waverly will be much worse. And that’s exactly what Wynonna needs to find in her the strength to survive.

4) Is the dude who kidnapped Waverly some time of supernatural weirdo or is he just your run-of-the-mill weird loner guy who lives in the woods and slowly goes batshit crazy? I’m still not sure…

5) Wynonna can’t leave Peacemaker there, can’t she? Why isn’t it like Thor’s hammer? Can’t she just like magically pull it back to her? Anyway, this badass motherfucker is going to climb the fucking rocks wearing a dress and heels. How is not the entire world in love with Wynonna Earp?

6) Oh, he’s not just a weirdo, he’s also a supernatural impersonator. He fucking stole Waverly’s voice and answered the phone pretending to be her. And now Waverly can’t scream for help, that’s just dandy.

7) “You ever seen me move when I’m pissed? I’m a frigging snow cheetah!” How is everything that comes out of her mouth so iconic?

8) So far, Ghost Mom seems to be doing a good job of helping Wynonna keep her head on your shoulders and not act impulsively, which could end up with both her and Waverly dead. She’s following her mom’s survival rules, and it seems to be working, and there’s this little moment when both of them push their hair behind their ears in perfect synchrony…

And I don’t know what I’m to make out of this? Does this mean that Ghost Mom is only a reflection of Wynonna herself? I mean, obviously, she is, it’s a figment of Wynonna’s imagination and it’s what Wynonna believes her mom would do and say in such a situation. But… are we meant to infer that there’s a stronger connection between the two of them than we were led to believe during the course of two seasons? Ghost Mom also called her a “Gibson girl” – her mom’s last name – and also mentioned how Wynonna got her snark from her. Wynonna even jokes that she got the crazy from her. It feels the writers are setting up this relationship as one of the arcs of this season. I guess it makes sense, after Wynonna became a mother herself. But I still don’t know what to make of Ghost Mom or Real Mom, for that matter.

9) Jeremy, Nicole, and Dolls have no idea what’s going on with Wynonna and Waverly, of course, and they’ve figured out that the demon responsible for the massacres is like a Flash demon that got to all their victims within seconds of one another. Also, the massacres may continue. Cool. Cool cool cool.

10) Jeremy is the biggest sweetheart in this show and he’s the biggest fan of literally everyone. I felt so bad for him when Dolls told him to get a life or something and stop bothering him, and did Jeremy get butthurt? No, he told Dolls he’s fighting for him, and my heart swelled a little. He’s the best. He was such a great addition to the gang. At least Dolls had the decency to indulge Jeremy with his pop culture references before leaving, and it was a nice way to say he was sorry and that he appreciates everything that Jeremy does.

11) OMFG, Wynonna was a Hanson fan, just like I was!

12) Not liking Ghost Mom right now…

WYNONNA: Why me, though? You never brought Willa or Waverly, it was always just you and me... GHOST MOM: Willa was Ward's right from the get-go, and Waverly... She was everyone else's, but you... Ooh, you... You came into this world wailing and kicking just like I was so I wanted to make sure you could survive by yourself. But you know what? Being an heir, it has made you soft. WYNONNA: What's that supposed to mean? GHOST MOM: It means... You're leaning on your team of outlaws and misfits. WYNONNA: They're my people and I trust them. GHOST MOM: Yeah, well where the hell are they? It's been hours. WYNONNA: I don't know. GHOST MOM: Yeah. The moment that you rely on someone... to protect you, be there for you... you're dead.

Is this Wynonna’s own fear, that her relying so much on her friends is making her soft and weak and vulnerable? Because I feel that her relationships with everyone else have made her stronger. I hate the idea that a hero can’t be vulnerable, you know? It’s like what Buffy says, “my emotions give me power.” If you don’t have bonds and love in your life, is there really a reason to fight at all?

13) “We are the same, Wynonna, and that is what scares you, how similar we are.” Alright, yeah, definitely Wynonna’s own fears manifesting themselves via Ghost Mom. I mean, obviously, she’d conjure up her mom at this moment! Waverly is in danger, and she fears she’s going to fail her just like their mom did…

14) Wow, Doc is having an existential crisis after being shot by Dolls and going to hell in the alternate reality. He’s afraid that being good and doing the right thing is pointless if he’ll end up in hell with all the other demons anyway. But… I mean, he went to hell in that other reality where he had embraced his dark side, you know? How does he know that he’s destined for the same here and now? I wouldn’t think so. And damn, Dolls has some truth bomb…

DOC: We are murderers, you and I. Destined for the dark. DOLLS: We're not the same. Because I don't need a threat of damnation to fight for the right side.

 (EDIT: how did I not realize this was foreshadowing Dolls’s death?! And these words will probably haunt Doc... this was basically their last conversation...)

15) Nicole found the truck!

16) Hannibal the Impersonator is using Waverly’s voice to lure other people into the cabin…

Is he a revenant, though? He seems to be, but what about his weird stealing-voices power? Do revenants get special powers? I mean, Bobo did, but I thought he was an exception…

17) Jeremy is also so emotionally healthy? Like, he immediately called Doc out on assuming the worst of people and basically told him to get over obsessing over losing his immortality. But… why didn’t he call Dolls like Doc told him to? Is he also assuming the worst…? Does he not trust Dolls?

18) Oh, my god, Waverly and Wynonna’s entire “charades” conversation was fucking priceless!

19) I laughed and I also awww-ed.

DOC: You trust Wynonna's instincts? NICOLE: I helped her kill the revenant she had sex with! DOC: Let me rephrase. Do you trust her instincts about Waverly?

20) Are Waverly and Wynonna really having the you-didn’t-tell-me-about-mom talk right now, in this life or death situation? Of course they are.

21) I DIED!

Wynonna doesn’t have Peacemaker, so how is she going to fight the revenant? It should be interesting to see her fight without her special power…

22) So Jeremy also assumed the worst about Dolls. Interesting.

23) Like Buffy said, when scary things are scared, that’s bad news. The revenant almost shit his pants when Waverly mentioned Bulshar. Wynonna used her wits and booby-trapped him, so good on her. But look who’s stalking…

Does he have nazis with him or something?

24) So… Waverly didn’t take it too well. And I get it, it feels like she’s been made a fool by everyone she's ever trusted. She doesn’t even know who her real parents are…

25) Nicole is going to climb down the rocks and get Peacemaker back like a boss.

26) Uh-oh… I guess Jeremy was right…

Why is he saying that Wynonna is going to need Waverly more than ever?

27) WTF!!!

Fucking ghost terminator nazis!

28) Nicole is literally hanging from a wire and trying to get Peacemaker back! And I think Dolls is going to wolf out and get rid of the fucking nazi but will probably lose his soul in the process? I didn’t think the chilliest part of the episode would be a fucking voice-stealing cannibal revenant…

29) Nicole is asking Wynonna to let go of the wire…  what the fuck is this episode doing to me?

30) Why did he smile before doing this…?

Was he saying goodbye? Was that why he said that Wynonna was going to need Waverly more than ever?

31) He’s dead, and Nicole is trying to resuscitate him, and Wynonna and Doc are losing their shit… I wasn’t expecting this in episode two…

She doesn’t want to leave his side. Damn.

32) Wow. This is heavier stuff than I’d expected at the beginning of the season, especially after the heartbreak of giving birth to Alice only to lose her in the season finale. I feel like this episode is a game-changer, obviously because of Dolls’ death, who is going to take up his role? I mean, Nicole had become sort of his disciple, but no one can really fill his shoes, can they? There’s also the heavy emphasis on Wynonna’s relationship with her mother, which I think will definitely be one of this season’s arcs. And there’s the dooming presence of Bulshar, who still needs to introduce himself in a more memorable way.

I don’t know what to make of Dolls’ death, though. Personally, I wasn’t so attached to his character as to feel devastated, though I was truly shocked and if Wynonna cries, then I cry. There’s also this nagging feeling that no one can be really dead in supernatural shows unless TPBT wish it so, you know? There’s always a small chance he might return, in different forms – either through flashbacks or because he might actually be brought back from the dead.

Anyway, I’m super excited to see where this season takes us!

33) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi. Thanks!

[bobasheebaby]

Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz Prompts

1 “Aww, NAME did the dishes.” “How do you know I didn't do them?” “Because once when all the knives were dirty, you cut a bagel with your keys.”

2 “My arm is feeling numb.” [rubs right arm] “That's the wrong arm for a heart-attack, doofus.” [switches to left arm]

3 “I told you you shouldn't have espresso after dinner. I know the little cups make you feel big but it's not worth it.”

4 “I'm sorry I didn't take you to the airport. I just want you to know I'll never forgive myself for being so selfish. And I promise to keep you close for the rest of my life.” “Oh, no, that thing's gonna end up in my bedroom.”

5 “Okay, let's just recap our options. We've got harp thing, sheep thing —“ “Wild thang.”

6 “I'm too small for Twister. And roller coasters. And sitting with my feet on the floor. Hope you enjoyed the prenatal cigarettes, Mom.”

7 “But we have jobs, we can't babysit him:her twenty-four hours a day.” “What if we use our vacation time?” “I wanted to go to Hawaii, not Hell.”

8 “Are you okay?” “No, I'm not okay. I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin.” “I told you not to wax down there. It's itchy when it grows back.”

9 “I had a plan. I kept leaving Dove bar wrappers around to explain any weight gain.” “Where did you get empty Dove bar wrappers?” “From all the Dove bars I ate! I'm pregnant! Try to keep up!”

10 “Guess who won a hundred dollars playing craps?” “That's a dollar.” “Guess who wildly over-tipped a cocktail waitress?”

11 “Boy, I don't know if I could be friends with NAME if we broke up.” “Why not?” “I'm a very vengeful person.” “Really?”

12 “I'm glad I got that mocha. And you know what else I'm glad about? I bought you a brownie and I ate it in the car!”

13 “What's happening?” “NAME was snooping through NAME 2’s drawers and broke one.” “Oh, I'm gonna miss him/her.”

14 “Aww, that was beautiful.” “Yeah. I mean, not like our wedding beautiful.” “No, we totally won.”

15 [Shouting at another driver] “Your kid might be a honor student but you're a moron!”

16 “You know, once we get the house back to ourselves, we can be romantic in any room we want.” “Great. I can finally show you where the laundry room is.”

17 “NAME, this is our kid's name. I think we should both agree.” “You're right. We both made this baby.” “Thank you.” “And I carried it, had to stay in bed for four months, sacrificed my body and my job, and soon it's gonna burst its way out of me like the Kool-Aid Man.” “Exactly. Fifty-fifty.”

18 “He/She sounds really mad.” “We should hang up.” “Yeah, we should.” “But we're not going to, are we?” “Not a chance.” “What happened to snooping is wrong?” “Eh, we're already going to jail for tax fraud, who cares.”

19 “One of the great things about being pregnant is drinking cranberry juice out of a wineglass and watching people freak out.”

20 “Oh, my God, they're coming right towards us.” “We got to get out of here.” “Okay. Well, wait, what about NAME?” “He/She and his/her tiny bladder can take the bus!”

21 “I think if NAME wants to break up with a boy/girl, he/she can do it.” “How are you saying that with a straight face?” [laughs] “I don't know.”

22 “We can't all be Cinderella.” “Then how do we decide?” “Well, it's simple. This was my idea. I'm driving. I'm Cinderella. You bitches got a problem with that, we could stop the car right now.”

23 “Every one of you has the capacity to be anything you want to be.” “Unless you want to be Cinderella.” “Come at me. See what happens!”

24 “It's kind of heavy.” “Too bad you're not as strong as the dude in the painting.”

25 “Let me ask you a question. When did you guys start feeling grown up? Because I'm not sure I do.” “Honestly, I thought when I got married I would, but I still feel like I'm pretending. It doesn't help that most of my clothes come from Gap Kids.”

26 “Honestly, if I could bend that far what would I need with you.” “If you could bend that far, you'd be doing both of us a favor.”

27 [Yelling at person b] “I'M NICE TO EVERYONE!”

28 “We were hoping it might cheer you up.” “And even though it meant we had to miss the movies, we could still be part of the fun.” “Oh, you didn't miss anything. We just started over.” “Son of a bitch.”

29 “If this doesn't get him/her in to your bedroom, nothing will.”

30 “It smells pretty ripe in here. You kinda feel it in your eyes.”

31 “Oh my God! You did not just slow down for a bird! You know they fly, right?”

32 “You suck so hard!”

33 “Now there's two of them.”

34 “I said to stop insulting each other. I didn't tell you to take him/her on a romantic getaway.”

35 “This isn't a nonfat yogurt, this is fatty-fat-fat!”

36 “Okay, we're gonna start with some nice breathing exercises.” [inhales, exhales] “Sorry. I can't think of anything except how flat your belly is.” “Oh, thank you.” “Go put on some more clothes, you bitch.”

37 “Love is patient, but it's not gonna put up with all the side chatter, so let's knock it off!” “At least he’s/she's yelling at someone else for a change.” “NAME!”

38 “Brush your teeth and go to bed!”

39 “That bitch!”

40 “The tow truck didn't scratch your car.” “How do you know?” “‘cause I did it!”

41 “I didn't know you could drink while you were breastfeeding.” “Yeah, they say the yeast in beer helps with milk production.” “I'm pretty sure that's a myth. Let me check.” “Ruin it for me, and I'll break this glass over your head.”

42 “I guess we're going to have to do all the cooking.” “I have a better idea.” “If you think you're going to get to me do all this by yourself, you're crazy.” “I was going to get NAME to do it all by himself/herself.” “Oh, well that's a great idea.”

43 “There sure are a lot of little kids here.” “I can't believe we thought this would make us feel grown up.” “I can't believe the waiter thought I was your daughter.”

44 “That is a good point. But I didn't marry you for good points. I married you to blindly support me no matter how ridiculous I'm being.” “This is why I had to rewrite our wedding vows.”

45 “If you like pushing buttons so much, try pushing them on the washing machine.”

46 “Let's go see if you fit in my man purse.” “Metrosexual, my ass.”

47 “Apple slices? What kind of lunatic goes to McDermott’s and gets fruit?”

48 “Okay, we saw them. Can we go catch the movie?” “Why'd you bring him?” “I had to. We're married now.” “Ugh, I hear that.”

49 “So I have a dominant personality. We all know that.” “I'm sorry. What do we know?” “In social groupings, I just naturally wind up in charge.” “Don't take this the wrong way, but how many of these little booze balls have you had?”

50 “Hey, you want to swing by that place tonight and get a look at this guy/girl?” “We don't even know what time they're gonna be there.” “I'll just call the restaurant, pretend I'm NAME and check the reservation.” “Damn, you're sneaky.” “Yeah, but I'm little, so it's adorable.”

[tonysopranosfeverdreams]

@glennatohowerton

42. “Why are you shaking?”

64. “Yell, scream, cry, please, just say something, anything.”

It was 3:27 am, the last time Dennis checked his watch, which meant that Mac has been out for approximately 6 hours.

 He was on a date with some  asshole named Sean, who appeared from the grindr profile that Mac had gleefully waved in his face over their shared cartons of Chinese takeout earlier that night, to be all of 25 years old, and, undeniably, a total beefcake. When Dennis  had made some snide remark about the kid probably needing to be home in time for curfew, Mac had just laughed it off in between mouthfuls of vegetable lo mein (stolen from Dennis’s plate), his eyes scrunching up at the edges. It made him look younger, somehow, vulnerable.  Dennis had stared at the table.

Mac had bounced out the door donning a dark green t-shirt, sheer and fitted so it clung to his muscles.  Mac’s hair was soft, ruffled, and he looked more confident and at ease than Dennis had seen him in  years, casting a bright  smile over his shoulder while Dennis not to wait up for him.  Dennis had nodded. Dennis had counted the beer stains on the beige living room carpet. Dennis had thrown a mug against the wall. Dennis had cut his fingers picking up the tiny pieces of china that covered the kitchen floor. Dennis had paced the length of the apartment over and over for approximately 45 minutes.

Inevitably,  Dennis finds himself awake in the middle of the goddamn night, taking generous swigs from a bottle of whiskey he had unearthed from the depths of the kitchen cabinet, and flipping aimlessly through channels featuring scantily clad women on a quest to find their soulmate while jump-starting their model careers and rich housewives whose faces were more plastic than flesh and bone- who talked too much but said nothing. He ultimately settled on some nature channel showing a series that documented different species of birds. Tonight, they were talking about blue jays, he noticed, watching as one of the stern-looking little  birds soared across his screen to settle on a tree branch next to another.

Blue jays mate for life, apparently. Dennis hadn’t known that.  The soft drone of the narrator served as adequate background noise for Dennis’s increasingly loud, alcohol-fueled thoughts.

It was fucking ridiculous, really. Dennis knew Mac had been with men in the past, so he really shouldn’t be so fixated on the happenings of Mac’s date. For all the grief Dennis gives him, he realizes that Mac is an objectively attractive man, and now that he’s happily out of the closet,  there’s no reason he shouldn’t be out playing the field, catching up on the feelings and experiences he’d pretended not to want for the past thirty years, embracing the parts of himself he’d tucked carefully away from the outside world (or only acknowledged in the dim backrooms of seedy bars, caught in the middle of glittering crowds of moving bodies on the dance floor, drunk enough for a moment that he forgot what he was so afraid of in the first place, under some spell  that inevitably broke the next morning. This thought makes Dennis’s chest constrict sharply, a dull, aching feeling he can’t quite pinpoint).

But now, Mac was healing. Mac was growing. Mac was out with a man with dimples and a six pack who was probably laughing at all of his stupid jokes, touching his arms lightly as he leaned in to whisper something in his ear, making Mac’s cheeks flush and his eyes gleam in the same way they would whenever Dennis would dole out a rare compliment or words of praise.  Mac was out with a man who presumably had a career and goals and real adult relationships, who could wake up in the morning and eat three meals a day like it was nothing, who would probably call Mac baby when he’s sober and let Mac hold his hand; someone who wouldn’t lash out at him with unnecessarily sharp words, but would make him feel good about himself,  who would give him Valentine’s presents and stay to make him breakfast in the morning. Mac would like that, Dennis thought.

Dennis pictures Mac as he always looked first thing in the morning padding quietly out of his bedroom blurry eyed and sleep-soft, expression warming when he lays eyes on Dennis. Imagines someone else seeing him like that every day. Dennis thinks of getting drunk with Mac, leaning heavily against his shoulder on countless late night walks home from the bar, peering up under his lashes to catch a glimpse of Mac’s face; his gelled hair falling messily across his forehead, mouth open in concentration on getting them both home in one piece. The smell of his old leather jacket mixing with his dollar store shampoo and cologne samples ripped from men’s magazines, his arm tightening around his waist when Dennis inevitably stumbled over an empty beer bottle or groove in the sidewalk.

He thinks of Mac as a teenager: the two of them sitting silently in his room after his father went to prison for the second time, Mac’s arms circled tight around knees, his gaze fixed vacantly on the paint peeling off his bedroom wall, sitting closely enough that the outside of their thighs just touched. He thinks of Mac as he might be when he’s older, with more specks of gray painting his dark hair, more wrinkles around his eyes, but with the same unchanging, almost childish smile.Thinks again of Mac dating, maybe even getting married, someday. Growing old with someone.

At this point, Dennis realizes he is having difficulty breathing, his breaths coming out shorter and quicker than they normally would, his heart beating so loudly  he swears it echoes in his ears. The adrenaline sets in. Dennis goes to take another swig of whiskey to calm himself down, before he notices the bottle is empty. Fuck.  He immediately senses that has to get out. He has to get out of this fucking apartment and flee to somewhere, anywhere else. He is vaguely considering going to the 7-11 down the street to pick up a 12 pack of beerbeer, and at least burn off all this weird fucking nervous energy when his thoughts are interrupted by sound of the front door opening.

Mac’s moving as quietly as possible, as if trying not to wake anyone up. Painted in the yellow light from the hallway, he kicks his shoes off and gently sets his keys on the kitchen counter, before he notices Dennis sitting on the sofa.

“Jesus Christ, Dude!  I had no idea you were awake,” he all but squawks “Fuck, man, you almost gave me a heart attack”

“Sorry,” Dennis offers, tonelessly.

Mac exhales through a tired grin, stifling a yawn with his fist as he steps closer to Dennis,  flinging himself into a chair opposite the couch and stretching his arms over his head. Dennis’s gaze lingers the curve of his upper arm, his fingers resting lightly against the back of the chair.

“Oh man, at first I was super worried I was gonna get catfished, and it was gonna turn out to be like a  gross old woman or some shit like you see on tv, you know?” Mac makes a disgusted face, lip curling up dramatically before laughing. “But then I get to the Rainbow and it turns out Sean is like. An actual personal trainer, and he sells his own line of like, protein shakes, I think?  And like, I’m pretty ripped dude, but I mean this dude is absolutely shredded, like way more bigger in person than the pictures.”

As Mac proceeds to talk more about his date (who apparently had been very interested in watching Mac’s Project Badass tapes, though Dennis expected this was mostly to get into his pants), Dennis finds his focus drifting.  Mac has a stray piece of glitter decorating the skin just above the collar of his t-shirt, Dennis notices absently, glimmering mildly in the faintly lit room, and drawing attention to the part of his body where the meat of his neck meets collarbone, surprisingly delicate.

Dennis looks down at the floor, then forces his eyes back on the tv screen, barely registering  the shapes of the tiny, brightly colored creatures collecting twigs to build their nest together. Vaguely, Dennis wonders what would happen  if something went wrong. If nature maybe fucks up now and then and one of the birds can’t figure out how to build nests properly, was born without the instinct, or just doesn’t know what to do when the time comes, and he fucks it all up? What happens to him then? Does he just fly away?

Mac must notice that something is off, because he stops talking.

“Dennis. Dennis dude, are you okay?” He looks genuinely confused, as his gaze skates across Dennis’s face. Suddenly his eyes widen, his brow creasing with worry.

“Dennis? Why are you shaking?”

Was he? Dennis hadn’t noticed.

“I’m going to get you a blanket, man. Just wait here a second.” Mac’s wringing his hands, biting his lip as he stares at him earnestly,  like he does when he realizes Dennis hasn’t eaten all day or when Dennis finally emerges from the bathroom after having locked himself inside for the better part of the night.

The softness, the sincerity of the expression makes something in Dennis snap, and all he hears is static electricity, all he sees is red.  Just as Mac  turns to go get the blanket from his room, Dennis calls out to him:

“So fucking typical isn’t it? You’re so desperate for affection you’ll open your legs for  the first decently attractive person who gives you the time of day, as if they actually give a shit about you” he punctuates the sentence with a cold, strangely strangled sounding laugh, schooling his expression into one of mock pity.

“ Anyway, this guy was probably just bored, looking for a quick lay to kill some time. Absolutely pathetic.”

Mac freezes from his position in the doorway, his back stiffening, and Dennis’s entire body goes suddenly cold with dread. But Mac just stands there, with his back to Dennis, as the seconds tick unbearably onward.

“Come on!” Dennis croaks, desperate now to evoke some kind of reaction. “Yell, scream, cry, please, just say something, anything!”

Mac turns slowly back to face Dennis, and when he does, Dennis sees an array of emotions plastered on his face; there’s pain etched into his features, and anger, but worst of all there’s this strange acceptance, like he had half expected Dennis to lash out like this, like he’s had years and years of practice. His voice is carefully controlled when he speaks next.

“Yeah, well, if I’m so pathetic, if I’m so desperate, then why the fuck did you come back in the first place? We were finally starting to get back to normal or like, I don’t know maybe an even better version of normal when you waltzed back in without any kind of explanation or apology for leaving us alone for over a year, Dennis.” Mac’s voice cracks, the way it does when he talks about his dad in prison, the way it does when he can’t but help but allow his carefully maintained facade of toughness to drop for just a moment.

Dennis sits frozen still, stunned. He wasn’t expecting this. He doesn’t know what he expected. Dennis doesn’t know if he’s imagining it, but Mac’s eyes are glossy when he continues

“There were… weeks, Dennis. When I couldn’t get out of bed, when Charlie would come to make sure I was….” he flounders  “to make sure I was okay. And even after that I was trying so hard not to think about it I did so much stupid shit just trying to forget about y-to forget about it ” He clears his throat, raises his head slightly to look Dennis in the eye. “I was in a really bad place, man.  You leaving didn’t just affect you.” He pauses, wiping the back of his hand across his eyes. Dennis swallows, suddenly, against, a growing lump forming in his throat.

“And now you’re back and you keep talking about how much you hate me, or how annoying I am, or how much you wish you didn’t live with me?” he chuckles bitterly. “So what I’m having a hard time understanding is- why? Why, Dennis? Why did you leave your kid and your cushy life with Mandy and come back to Philly, back to our home if I’m so goddamn terrible?”

Mac has these bright pink splotches  high on his cheeks, his chest heaving with barely restrained emotion.

Dennis is paralyzed. He wants to flee. He wants to reach out and touch Mac. He wants to become as small as humanly possible, so small that no other person can ever see him again. He feels wetness forming on his cheeks, has no idea how it got there.

Mac’s body visibly deflates as he takes in the scene before him. He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck for a long moment, features softening. Moving quickly, he steps closer to Dennis, reaching out to touch him, hand  hovering near his shoulder before he thinks better and it drops to its side.

“Fuck, man. It’s late.” he forces a watery laugh, hand running through his own hair. “We’re just tired, saying shit we don’t mean.” He won’t quite meet Dennis’s eyes. “I’m going to go get you that blanket.”

Mac exits the room, and swiftly returns with the soft blue flannel blanket from his own bed, wrapping it loosely around Dennis’s shoulders with gentle, careful movements. He sits next to Dennis on the couch, leaving enough space that their legs don’t touch, but Dennis can still feel some of the warmth radiating from his body.

“Did you know that blue jays mate for life?” Dennis asks, abruptly. Mac pauses in his fussing with the blanket to lean back enough to look into Dennis’s eyes, cautious and confused. His whole face shifts, like he’s on the brink of something, but can’t fully bring himself to understand exactly what’s taking place.

“What? I don’t-” he starts

“Their whole life,” Dennis manages, feebly maintaining eye contact, his nails digging into his own thigh as he forces himself onward. He chokes on his words for a minute before continuing.  “ It’s just the one.”

“Dennis,” Mac breathes, his eyes wide with confusion, and fear, and something that looks suspiciously like hope. He reaches out and this time grabs Dennis’s hand where its curled into his thigh, squeezes it tight. “You’re okay. Dennis,  it’s going to be okay.”

And for the first time,  Dennis thought, maybe it was.

[weareallfallengods]

Survival

Writing prompt:

If you’re over 25 and haven’t done something remarkable, you are hunted down and killed. Some people invent things. Some make cures for diseases. Others become established members of their community. You’re pushing 30, and somehow not dead yet, even though you cant think of a single thing you’ve done thats remarkable in any way. Why aren’t you dead?

I write for adults about adult themes with adult language. I try to tag possible triggers (but I know I'm not going to get all of them), so if violence or implied death or cussing bothers you, you'll probably want to find a different author.

********************************************

Somehow, that date came up again. Not quite sure how, but somehow, the number circled on my shitty wall calendar with the coffee splatter on it managed to be today. Again. It's been doing that for 5 years now.

At first I wanted to be a surgeon- save people's lives, make a difference, all that shit. Yeah, I was caught up in the hype for a while too. Just like everyone. Thought I'd make some ground-breaking discovery and change the world. Just like everyone. And then, at 22, I flunked out of med school. That was it. Dream over, kaput, fin.

When I opened my termination letter, it was like reading a death sentence. 10 years of prep and study down the drain. 3 years left. 3 years, and no idea what to do. No clue what I could do to save my own life after all those years learning how to save others.I drank for a solid month. I dont even remember that month now. My only memento from it is an entire skip of liquor bottles. It's a miracle I didn't die from alcohol poisoning. Not that I didn't try.

See, I was afraid. Scared, actually. Terrified would be more accurate, if I'm honest. I knew I only had 3 years left until they came for me. Unless I managed to do something extraordinary within the next 3 years, they'd come for me, and the only thing that would remain is a 2 paragraph obituary in the local paper, followed by a vacancy announcement. When you're suddenly forced to confront your own imminent demise, and see every dream, hope and aspiration you'd had evaporate, right in front of your eyes, its perfectly natural to drown that in a swimming pool of vodka.

But then, after a month of drowning, and a week of curing a hangover that would make Satan shudder, I got angry. Like Bruce Banner angry. As I was leaving an all night diner, the notice board caught my eye. Having nothing better to do with my life, I stood there for a while just reading every single card in detail, every single lost cat, every used car, every 5k charity run. And then I saw it. And I thought, "You know what? Fuck it, why not. I've spent all this time trying to do one thing that I've never actually done just whatever I feel like, had hobbies, anything really. Why the fuck not."

And that's how I ended up 2 days later in some shity warehouse district, rolling around on a mat with some dude I didnt even know, sweating and swearing profusely and having the time of my life. "Sasha's Self Defense" it said on the small, weathered and rusted sign on the brick wall out front, next to a door that looked like it had been transported straight from the proverbial gulag.

I'd naively thought this was going to be one of those Karate Kid knock offs for some reason when I first arrived. Sasha soon disabused me of that notion. In fact, when he saw I'd brought a new gi in a duffle bag, he laughed so hard he had to slap his ass down on a rickety folding chair just to keep breathing. Once he calmed his mirth at my expense, he let me know in a no-nonsense, 'I'm an old-timer and seen some shit in my day' heavily accented tone that this would be a class that focused on survival at all costs. "No bullshit wax on-wax off," were his exact words I believe.

And boy was he right. When I told him I'd set aside my year's tuition for lesson payments, well, wouldn't you know it, I became his most prized pupil; I quickly learned this was not a good thing. It meant 14 hours a day of the most humiliatingly punishing activity ever dreamed up by Moscow's Finest. I couldnt even move the morning after my first day. But somehow I limped my battered frame down to the bus stop and was only an hour late. Ha, only. Sasha seemed to take it as a personal insult. The only thing he hated less than sloppiness was tardiness it seemed. Apparently the 10th Circle of Hell was reserved for those who dared be late. And he made you earn your way out of that circle.

His only saving grace was fairness. If I had to suffer, at least I wasnt alone. Well, at first anyway. The few other students that suffered his wrath along side me doing slavic folk dances with wrist and ankle weights very quickly learned that this wasn't the type of class they had thought it was and soon I was alone with Sasha.

On the days I did well, I got treated to pierogies. Oh man, I lived for those pierogies. They were made by angels and served by someone I can only describe as if Jesus came back as a woman. Who was Russian. And spoke even less english than Sasha, if that was possible. His sister was as completely opposite to that sadistic maniac as it was possible to be and still be a human being. Where he was loud, she was soft. Where he was tough, she was gentle. Where he was strict, she was generous, even indulgent. Blonde to his brunette. Slim to his barrel chest. Cousin by marriage, I think they said. Well, relatives of some kind anyway. And she was the only one who could make him laugh. And when he laughed, the whole block knew! He was just that loud, that boisterous, with everything he did.

But I loved his little Anya. Just like everyone. But like in a wholesome, mom-ish kind of way. I loved her because I got to sit for an hour when she was around. Because she"d always tuck a to-go container of pierogies into my bag. Because she'd chide Sasha for pushing me too hard. In short, she was an angel.

But I have to hand it Sasha- in 4 months, he took a scrawny bookworm into someone who could pose for Men's Health. In 6 months, I could beat Ivan, his partner, in 5/10 sparring matches. In 7 months, I ran a marathon. In 9, he had me enter a triathalon. And I made it into the top 50 out of 500 entrants. Not too bad if I say so myself. In 12 months, I was beating Ivan almost every time.

And that's when the other Ivan showed up. After a year, Sasha decided it was time I learned weaponry. After all, no real fight was fair, he said. And Ivan (another cousin? Sasha had one heck of an extended family) instructed me on everything from broken beer bottles, to knives and pool cues. And my medical training paid off, because more often than not, I was the one stitching myself up if training got a little rough that day.

Eventually, I moved into the gym. Not sure how it happened, but I think I just got too tired to leave one day and never really left. Sasha didnt seem to mind since it meant I wasnt ever late again. Plus the coffee he imported was the best thing ever. Like it was so good that's probably the Extraordinary Thing he did to live as long as he had.

The days just melted together, into one long symphony of beautiful exhaustion and physical torment, as I poured myself into the first activity I could remember doing purely because I wanted to, something that numbed the dread of the finality of my life expectancy.

But then one day, one specific day, the one I'd been dreading in the back of my mind for a year came around.

They found me.

I guess they were a little slow in finding me, not surprising since I'd basically just disappeared from my old life, no forwarding address type thing. It wasnt intentional, it just sort of happened, what with me diving head first into something purely for me, without the thought of doing it for someone else. But they found me. Just like they find everybody.

See, it doesnt matter if you try to run, if you move, or change your name. They always find you eventually. I just hadn't thought about it in a long while. That year was the first time since I was probably 14 that I'm hadn't thought about the Gardeners. I guess that's why it surprised me so much.

Yeah, Gardeners. I dont know who came up with the name, in guess some misguided attempt at a positive PR spin bullshit to pass off squads of government assassins who's only job was to track down the NCs of the world and eliminate them. Sorry, NCs- Non-Contributors; the people who hit their expiration date without doing something noteworthy, something that was deemed to "advance or bolster the Human Condition" to borrow a phrase from the civics classes we had to take every fucking year of school. A cutesy sounding name that was supposed to make the government sound like a benevolent old couple pulling weeds from their garden of humanity. The worst lies always sound the sweetest, dont they?

And I was now 25.

It happened a few weeks after my birthday. Just another routine day for me, going for a light 5k run after my soak in a mineral bath. Light rain, most of the streetlights out, the few lights on in the warehouse district reflected beautifully off the streets. That's why I ran at night, all the colors changed that normally bleak neighborhood into something beautiful. It was just one little thing to balance out the harshness of reality, and I reveled in it.

I don't actually remember what happened exactly. I do recall seeing a suspiciously conspicuous homeless guy huddled under a loading dock awning, and then just a flash of movement from the corner of my eye. I think it happened really quickly; at least that's what Sasha said the next morning as he was making arrangements for me to visit another cousin of his "back in the old country". It could have been. God, after seeing the bodies around me in the aftermath, I hope, for their sake, that it was fast. 5 bodies. All still. I still remember my breath turning to blue fog, blurring the details of them. Helping me to be able to pretend I didn't see the blood mixing with the rain and oil, spreading out over the concrete like a macabre inversion of the cloudy sky above.

I'm glad they wore masks. It's bad enough having that scene burned into my brain forever, without specific people's faces being etched there as well. I'm glad I dont see their faces in my mind every time I close my eyes. I just wish I could still enjoy the rain. They managed to take that from me, even if I'm still breathing, so I guess they didnt completely fail. They just killed a part of my soul instead. But hey, there's plenty of people that don't like the rain, right? But I bet they don't smell blood when it does though.

And that was pretty much it. No sirens, no manhunt, nothing. Before I could process what was happening, I was on a bus, headed for "the old country", which, as near as I could tell, looked an awful lot like Pittsburg. Sasha's 'cousin' met me at the bus depot there, a man of very few words. Not as loud as his cousin, Zhena tended to communicate with looks, grunts and shrugs mostly. Same work ethic though.

And then the cycle repeated- 14 months this time before they caught up with me. Too bad that Zhena got caught up in it, he was a great guy. He and I didn't really become close or buddies or anything, but it still hurt to see what happened to him. To what was left of him anyway. The Gardeners definitely were trying to send a message with that. To quote an old wise man, "I didnt want to know, but now I do, and I'm telling you, you dont want to know." And that's coming from someone who was training to become a surgeon, so just trust me on this one.

This time, they were waiting for me. I think they'd planned on Zhena being enough of a distraction that they'd be able to take me out easily, but since since I woke up the next day on the floor of the sparring ring in a too large pool of blood that wasnt my own, I'd say they failed. The difference this time was I was on my own. No 'cousins' to call in favors from. No family I could call because I didnt want them getting a visit from the Gardeners either. I was alone this time.

Weirdly, I was actually OK with that. I'd been surrounded by family, teachers, advisors, tutors for so long that solitude was actually kind of nice. I could hear myself think my own thoughts for the first time in what seemed like forever.

I'm not ashamed to say that I took what little of value there was from Zhena's gym (I knew him well enough to know that Sasha was his only family) so that I could get a seedy hotel for a while. I did at least have the decency to let Sasha know, and that that would be the last he ever heard from me, to keep him out of trouble. Bad enough that 10 people were already dead, I didn't want Sasha or Anya's name added to that list because of me.

And so I vanished. Completely. Sure I travelled, kept studying and training like I had been, but never staying longer than a few months, never using the same name, copying other random people's habits and patterns so I didnt have one of my own for them to track down. Yeah it was cliche, but hey, I figured my dad watching all those spy flicks when I was young had to be good for something, right?

Sometimes I was a baker, sometimes a delivery driver, even a dock hand. Whatever it took to make a buck so I could eat.

I got really good at other things too. Like disposing of bodies. Not really a skill I ever thought I'd want or need, but Necessity is a harsh and demanding teacher. Sadly, my skill as a surgeon came in handy- bodies are easier to get rid of when they're in smaller pieces. And people are easier to turn into bodies when you know how they're put together intimately. Not what I had in mind for my life, but since it was the choice between this or dying, well, I guess I can put up with it.

I suppose that catches us all up to the present, more or less. OK yeah theres a lot that's gone down between Pittsburg and now, but it was all pretty much the same: lather, rinse, repeat. Literally sometimes. Those were the days it felt like there wasnt enough soap in the world to get all the blood off.

So here I am, I'm my single room in Kandahar, staring at the date that had somehow come up again. Every year, they send someone. Usually a team. And I survive. No matter how they come at me, or when or how many. I survive.

And I'm sitting here, staring at the calendar, steaming cup of espresso, just staring, as a light breeze fluttered the corner of the calendar page, sending the orchids dancing in the vase next to it. All I could think is, "How? How does this keep happening? I'm not even supposed to be here, not supposed to be alive."

As I raised my cup of espresso, something slid under my door. "OK that's weird," I said aloud as I stood.

The chair made an ungodly screech as I pushed it back and made my way over to where a small, cream colored envelope sat on the floor, a couple inches from the bottom of the door. It was heavy for it's size, but not because anything was in it, just the paper was that thick. Probably hand-made. It's odd the little things you notice in times of stress. Heavy, rough paper, no postmark, nothing written on the outside, just the flap tucked in, not even sealed. Reminded me of how my mother used to give out birthday cards. I always thought that was a little weird, but it was just one of her quirks that made her even more endearing to everyone.

I sat down a little heavier than I had planned and felt the chair crack a little. There was a single sheet of paper inside, folded in half; I was right- handmade paper. But that wasnt important, what was important was the heavy, blocky hand-written message it contained.

"We've been looking for you for a long time. It has come to my attention that you may have something unique to contribute after all. We may have been too hasty in judging your Ability to be a Contributor. I believe you do actually have a remarkable Ability to Survive. I'd like to speak to you this afternoon in the plaza outside the Blue Mosque. I will be alone, and you can approach me, so as to allay your justifiable suspicions. I will have a silver coffee set on the table in front of me.

I believe we can help each other, if you're willing to listen to my proposition.

-Soon,

Baddar"

Well, this is interesting.

[mynameislangdon-blog]

If You’re Still Breathing

This story involves Michael, Mutt, Jeff, a main original character and some minor original background people. It attempts to fill in some of what happened between the Apocalypse and Michael’s arrival at Outpost 3. I’m a fan of being inspired by music, so each chapter (and IYSB) are named based on what I was listening to when I wrote it. There is also smut, but it’s pretty soft, I think. This is not complete, needing at least 2 more unwritten chapters to resolve the story.

Characters: Michael Langdon, Mutt Nutter, Jeff Pfister, mention of Ms. Mead. Original main character because I don’t like first-person. Tag requests: @thelangdoncooperative , @ccodyfern

Word count: 5,073

Chapters 1-4 Warnings: some sexual content, blood, gore, death. Chapter 1: “You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid”  Outpost 2 was easily the largest, most technologically advanced of the bunch. The inhabitants wanted for nothing. Expanded from the historic Greenbrier Bunker in White Sulphur Springs, Outpost 2 had private rooms for 25, and dorm rooms for another 50. There were two 250,000-gallon water tanks, and 2 50,000-gallon diesel fuel tanks. All ventilation had radioactive particle filters and clean air circulators, plus there was water filtration, bunker to surface vault doors that needed 50 pounds of pressure just to unlock, and even recording and broadcasting equipment. The upgrades from the 60’s included hydroponic agriculture & livestock annexes, solar power, hydroelectric power, an armory, and for some reason a bowling alley. You name it and they had it. Unfortunately, it had a little too much of some things. And by things, I mean people. And by people, I mean two individuals in particular. Mutt Nutter and Jeff Pfister. They were the outpost designers, and they never let any of the inhabitants forget that they were alive because of them. “You want me to what?! Check the irrigation drains under the northwest crops? I don’t need to do anything; those fucking freeloaders can do it. I already saved humanity once!” They weren’t any better with each other. “You see this coffee, asshole? Tanzanian Golden Black Sky Desert Roast! If it wasn’t for me, you’d be eating nutrient cubes back in California!” “You’re the one who fucked up and put us here after I SPECIFICALLY said to put us in the Bahamas! I should be balls deep in Jennifer Lawrence right now, but instead we’re trapped with these fucking gremlins!” And that was just banter over breakfast. The others chalked it up to the price for surviving in splendor, and left them to their drugs and robots. The Outpost was light on entertainment personalities, but heavy on scientists, politicians and inventors. Many of the people who were meant to be there hadn’t made it, but certain people, mostly Cooperative members, had been given a heads up, and were already underground when the bombs hit. Grace had been one of the first people to arrive, but she wasn’t in the Cooperative or a billionaire. She was just a special education therapist who’d moved to White Sulphur Springs from California 3 years ago.   *********

There at the base of the stairs, Grace smiled. “I thought it had to be you. You sent me the card with the Cooperative ID, didn’t you?” “I did. I wish I could have collected you myself.” “But why?” “I needed you. There wasn’t time then, but there is now.” Grace watched his eyes. The bright blue she’d grown so accustomed to now looked like moonlight on an ocean. “What’s happened to you? Are you okay? Where’s Ms. Mead? Did she… oh no. She didn’t make it did she?” “No.” He stared straight ahead, pretending he didn’t feel; a move she’d seen before when he was trying to not cry. A tear slipped out and she watched it roll down his newly chiseled features. She reached out her hand to wipe it away then stopped. He had never liked surprise touching.  In a soft voice she said, “I’m sorry, I forgot to ask first. I won’t touch you without your permission again, I promise.” But he wasn’t the same boy next door she remembered that was full of anger, swinging from sweet to vicious with no warning. Surprisingly, he stepped closer and enveloped her in his arms. Suddenly buried in his cloak, she relished the embrace. It felt good to be held, and it felt good to know that Michael had become more comfortable with touching. There, in the folds of his cape, she breathed him in, inhaling the scent of burnt wood mixed with something metallic. Electric. Grace realized he smelled like a battery tasted. She had to fight the urge to lick him to see if her tongue tingled. Instead, she laid her cheek on his chest and sank into the hug. Then her former boy next door leaned in and whispered, “But you want to touch me, don’t you?” His lips brushed against her ear and she reeled, feeling like she’d just been sucker punched in the libido. She didn’t know what had come over her, but she could barely restrain herself from grabbing at him, pushing him to the floor, wrapping herself around him and eating him alive. Her hands tightened on him for a moment, threatening to tear his skin right through his clothes. Then she forcefully pushed him away, succeeding only in pushing herself back against the stairs.   What was happening here? Grace thought she might faint from her sudden need for him, but he simply stood and observed her. It was clear that he was relishing the sight of her feeling so many things at once, her former role of protector wrestling with her baser instincts. She was literally clinging to the banister for support when he ran the tip of his tongue over the edge of his upper lip. With the cool nonchalance of tossing a valet the car keys, he cocked an eyebrow and said, “You have my permission”, then turned and walked into the conference room.

Shocked, she ran scurrying down the hall like a mouse chased by a cat. She could almost hear Michael’s laughter following her. Once she had reached her room and locked the door behind her, she collapsed on the bed and whispered to herself, “What the fucking fuck was that?!!” She replayed the reunion in her mind. Instead of finding answers, she found herself reliving the moment his lips touched her ear, over and over again. 

Without even realizing it, she had pulled up her dress and begun touching herself. Her body ached for more, and Grace obliged, putting one, then two fingers inside herself, thrusting and rubbing, involuntarily moaning, “Oh yes, please, please, more!” Her hips squirmed, and the memory of Michael sent a spasm through her, pushing her over the edge into climax. Unaware of anything existing but Michael’s touch, she cried out with pleasure and release. “Oh! Oh fuck! Oh my god! yes! Yes! OH FUCK YES!!!!” She brought herself to orgasm over and over again until she lay on her bed drained, unable to move, aftershocks of pleasure still rolling through her in waves as she fell asleep on her bed, half undressed and limp like a doll.

******

The meeting with Mutt and Jeff was predictable. Them being overly solicitous to Michael with just enough questioning and doubt to show they still thought they knew better. This had been coming for a while.

“So, what’s going on out there, dude?”

“Most people are dead, the ones that aren’t are mutating and dying. Outpost One has been overrun and destroyed.”

“What?! No way, man. New York had a great defense system. Almost as good as this one!”

“Apparently not good enough.”

“Shit. So, what do we need to do to keep it from happening here?”

“There’s nothing you can do except… are you prepared to fight?”

Jeff started making Pew! Pew! Blam! noises and pulled a gun out of his waistband. “Oh, we’re ready. POW!”

Michael looked at Mutt. “I need to report back to the rest of the Cooperative of course. Why don’t you show me around so I can get an idea of where we stand supply-wise?”

Clearly uncomfortable, he said, “Oh, sure. But, uh maybe we should stay here, make sure everything’s ready for your dinner.”

Jeff chimed in, “We’re doing a special dinner to celebrate your arrival, man. Like, top of the line.”

Michael observed them both, having expected nothing less than avoidance. “M-mm, I see. Of course. Shall I just, wander about on my own then? See what I can find?”

Jeff gave a panicked, “No!” then added, “What I mean is, you wouldn’t want to miss anything important. You should totally have a guide. You want your special friend to take you around?” He exchanged a knowing look with Mutt.

Michael’s brow furrowed. “What?”

“You know, the nobody who you put in here with us, the one with no money or special talents who had a priority entry clearance? Come on, dude. We’re not stupid. Obviously, she’s somebody special to you. I didn’t even know the Son of Satan could have personal attachments. Beyond the Battlea…. Ms. Mead, I mean. So, what’s the deal, you two getting it on? Did you save her to be like, your post-apocalyptic sex slave, or what?” Michael’s eyes grew black, and the lights flickered. “That’s not your concern.”

Mutt looked around nervously. “Okay, we were just curious. So, you don’t want her to show you around? We can find…”

“It will be fine.”

“Yeah, okay. We’ve got some... stuff to take care of.” Before Michael could even leave the room, the boys made a beeline for the drink cabinet, and opened it to reveal a giant crystal skull half full of cocaine, several syringes, and the bar sink full of robotic arms clutching bottles of alcohol. As the door shut behind him, Michael heard a gunshot and a round of hysterical giggling. He put his hand over his face and sighed.

****************

Chapter 2: "The Distance”

The intercom in Grace’s room buzzed, startling her from her unplanned nap. Once she got her bearings, she went over to the speaker. “This is Grace, what is it?”

“Got a job for you, sweetheart.” Ugh, it was Jeff. Grace rolled her eyes at the intercom and prayed it wouldn’t be something humiliating.“What kind of job?”

“Langdon wants a tour of the bunker.”

The butterflies started in her stomach, and lower down her parts clenched in an agonizing ache. “Can’t Josie or Henry do that? I’m kind of busy right now.”

Mutt chimed in, “Nope. It’s gotta be you babe. Try not to have too much fun. We need him back for the big dinner at 6.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously. He just left the conference room so get your ass up here pronto.” Grace hurriedly changed out of the rest of her clothes and into jeans, a t-shirt, and work boots. A full tour would include the livestock pens, and she didn’t want to look seductive anyway. She grabbed a hair tie on her way out the door and pulled her hair into a ponytail as she hurried down the hall. She rehearsed in her head giving a firm “no” if he tried touching or whispering to her again. But she also couldn’t help imagining what could happen if she didn’t.

As she rounded the corner, she saw Michael once again standing at the bottom of the steps, writing something in a small black notebook. Not knowing what to expect, nervous with anticipation, she walked up to him and tried a casual, “Hi.” Her voice came out hoarse and she began to cough. She thought back to all the screaming she’d been doing recently and grew warm with the thought. She hoped she wasn’t blushing.  

“Sorry about that. Air gets pretty dry in here.”

Michael tucked the notebook into his jacket, then looked at her coolly. “Please lead on. We have a lot to see.”

“Okay, well you’ve seen the decontamination entrance and the overview/conference room, so let’s go down to the big stuff at the back.” As they walked down the corridor, Grace kept talking. She told herself it was because he would want to know as much as possible but truthfully, she was just trying to avoid thinking about what happened earlier. Michael either didn’t notice or chose to ignore her, as his only contribution to her running dialogue was the occasional, “Interesting.”

She pushed open a set of glass double doors. “This is the ER.” They walked past hospital beds and Michael peered into one of the operating rooms. There was everything a regular operating room would have: bone saws, ventilators, shock paddles, EKG machine, IV drips, and so on. “You’re quite prepared.”

“Mostly. And here’s the pharmacy. We have everything one needs for typical stuff, we even have a setup for chemo. But they went heavy on the painkillers and didn’t stock a lot of long-term meds, which I think was a mistake.”

They took a walk through the pharmacy rows, and as Grace talked, Michael would occasionally pick up a bottle or package. “If you have questions about any of these, we’ve got a basic guide and I still remember a lot from school so you can always ask.”

“These aren’t locked up? Anyone can access them?”

They’re unlocked now because I’m showing it to you. There’s a code on the room and on the shelves, plus the cameras are simply everywhere.” She pointed up and waved to the camera. “Josh is probably on camera duty tonight. Hi Josh!”

Michael glared at the camera, and in the observation room, Josh grabbed his heart and collapsed to the floor.

They left the medical area and walked down to the power room. Keying in another code, Grace opened the heavy door and they were greeted with a wall of noise. “They’re pretty loud. Sorry.” She flipped a few switches and the actual size of the room became apparent. “These are the diesel generators and tanks. We actually don’t use them much since gas is a finite resource, but the sky isn’t very bright some days thanks to the fallout, so… yeah. See these two tanks with the staircases attached? That’s all of our fuel.”

“And how full are they now?”

“What?”

He leaned in closer. “How full are they now?!”

“One hasn’t been touched at all, and the other has...” She walked over to the tanks. “This one’s at 89%.”

“And where’s your water source?”

“Oh, most of that is filtered and recycled. This was a great place to build a bunker because there’s also a naturally occurring deep spring underneath. The radiation levels for that are still holding, but we predict they’ll eventually succumb to runoff from the surface. The good news is even contaminated water can run a hydroelectric generator in a pinch.”

“You know a lot about this. Special interest?” Grace raised an eyebrow and smirked, “You mean survival? Yeah, I’m pretty interested in that. It’s in the best interest of the group that we all know as much as possible. We’ve got experts in certain areas, like the two chuckleheads and their robotics…”

“You mean Nutter and Pfister?”

“Oh, no offense, I know you three work pretty closely.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well… you saw them alone in the conference room, and they talk all the time about how they’re very influential with the Cooperative leader. That’s you, right? The leader? What’s the deal with The Cooperative? What’s the common goal?”

Michael hesitated, trying to avoid the topic

“Look, if you can’t talk about it, I understand, but how did that happen? Leading the Cooperative is a long way from lessons in my basement. I’m glad for you, I always knew you were too strong willed to let anything hold you back but…”

Michael rushed in and closed the gap between them pinning her against the tank. “You have no idea.” Then he kissed her, roughly. His lips mashed up against hers and she never even had a choice. She opened her mouth to him, nipping at his bottom lip, hungry and uncontrolled. His tongue slipped inside her mouth and they fought, her need matched by his hunger. Her hands ran through his long golden curls, grasping and tugging, trying to bring him closer. The kiss broke, and she sighed as he bent down to kiss her neck, licking and biting his way from her collarbone to her ear and back again. His hands roamed over her body, her skin burned hot wherever he touched her. It was too much for Grace, and she had to cry out, “Stop!, I can’t! I... Please, it’s too much!” Tears leaked from her eyes, not because she was in pain, but because she’d never wanted something so much in her life and for some reason, she couldn’t just let it happen.

Michael looked at her, glassy eyed and drunk on her need. He watched her hands opening and closing, grasping at the air instead of him. She wanted this. She needed this. This was rich, thick desire that he could taste and hear and smell and feel. The tension between them made the air shimmer with heat. Like magnets, they could only get so close to each other before they touched out of sheer force. He experimented, raising his hand to her waist and bringing it closer and closer until he felt the pull, breaking free only to do it again. She held her breath, afraid of what she might do if he touched her again.

A door alarm blared at the end of the hall, breaking the spell. Michael clenched his fist, ready to set ablaze the person who interrupted them, but remembered where he was and restrained himself to avoid an incident. Surprisingly, it was Grace who composed herself first and suggested, “Shall we move on?”

They walked through the kitchen, avoiding the hot pans and sharp knives, chopping and slicing, sizzling and flashing. The kitchen crew couldn’t help but stare as Michael strolled through with his blonde shoulder-length hair and elegant black clothes, nodding approvingly at one thing or another. He dipped his finger into the creamy mushroom soup and tasted it, saying simply, “Not bad”, giving a rare glimpse of his full-wattage smile. With that, he could have stabbed every member of the crew with their own knives and they would have thanked him for the privilege of dying by his hand. Grace was impressed. He had come a very long way.

She chimed in to say, “Almost everything you’ll have tonight was grown right here. The animals aren’t ready for breeding, but when they are, we’ll have fresh meat as well.”

“What kinds of animals do you have now?”

“Oh, you know, chickens, a cow and a steer, a pair of pigs… It’s like Noah’s Ark down there. But not all the animals are for eating. Come on, I’ll show you.” They walked through the green mist of the hydroponic vegetables and herbs, past the fruit trees in pots, past the composting, and entered the husbandry through an honest to god split-rail fence.

The animals came crowding around and at first Grace thought it was for her, but then she realized that they had all gone to Michael instead. And the oddest part was that they weren’t crowding him, they all just… sat there, as if in a trance. “Like they’re asking to be spared” ran through her mind. What a strange idea.

“You’ve got a way with animals.”

He looked a little uncomfortable. “Not really, I think they’re just interested in me because I’m new.”

“That must be it.” Grace knew better, but if Michael didn’t want to talk about this particular weirdness, that was okay. “But you haven’t seen the best part.”

“Am I going to have to walk through more mud?” His fancy Louboutin boots were looking quite muddy.

“Mud, no. Dirt, probably.”

Michael seemed to stop and consider his options. He sighed, “Fine.”

She led him around the side of the enclosure and whistled. Two beautiful black horses came trotting up. “Aren’t they amazing? Do you want to feed them?”

“Why?”

“Why? Because it will make them happy.” Michael seemed a little confused by the idea of making an animal happy, but took the shiny red apples that Grace gave him and held one in each hand for the two beauties. They gently nuzzled his hands and then methodically chomped away on them until there was nothing left. “Huh.”

“Good babies”, cooed Grace. And to Michael, “You see? That wasn’t so bad. Oh!” She suddenly beamed. “I forgot, check this out!” She led Michael into the enclosure and waved her hands dramatically. “Ta-da!” There stood a black carriage, like the ones you’d see in old movies. His eyebrows raised in quiet approval. Wooden wheels, curtains on the windows. He peeked inside. Leather seats, too. “What’s this for?”

“Well, Henry’s logic was that if the day came where we needed to venture out for supplies, that having a carriage would make much more sense than a car because we wouldn’t need to carry gas for it or rely on finding any later. If the horses can eat what we eat…” She was interrupted by an announcement blaring from the speaker in the ceiling. It was fucking Jeff again.

“Ladies and gentlemen! The time is now 5:00 and in an hour we will be having a celebratory feast in honor of Mr. Langdon. Please make sure you are tastefully attired and on time! Over and out!”

Grace and Michael shared a look.

“I guess the tour’s over.”

“We’ll finish it later.”

**********

Chapter 3: “Belief In God Is So Adorable”

The dinner was unnecessary, but Michael had learned that these kinds of things were easier to get through than call off. And besides, it would give him a chance to try an experiment. He looked around the table at the scientists, intellectuals and politicians and military men. He stood and raised his glass in a toast. “Fellow Cooperative members, as you may have heard, Outpost One is gone.” People nodded their heads and tried to look broken up about it. “But let us not ignore the fact that we are still here.” More thoughtful nodding. “I would like to raise my glass to Outpost two, and your efficient and sustainable colony.” Mutt and Jeff let out a “Yeah! Damn right!” and stood up to chest bump each other. Then they stepped away from the table to do a few lines and argue about which bottle of wine to open. Everyone else applauded politely, raised their glasses in return and drank. Individual bowls of soup were being placed before each person. “What do we have here?” asked Michael. The person serving said, “Mushroom soup, sir. Made from mushrooms grown right here. And fresh cream, too.” “Well, it looks delicious.” He winked at the server, who from that moment on would have gladly cut his own eyes out with rusty razor wire then sautéed them with rosemary and eaten them if Michael had asked him to. Michael dipped his spoon into the bowl and brought it to his lips then stopped, putting his spoon down and simply sitting while he watched the guests eat every last spoonful while they talked about some garden pests or fortifying a support girder or something else equally pointless. Michael frowned. It hadn’t worked. He wondered if it was a dosage problem or if it was the rate the pills dissolved in hot soup. But then, Henry started to drift. He looked so tired. Then Josie, then Doris too. They could barely hold their heads up. The three senators soon followed suit, then the General. The other diners were slumping in their seats and Michael began to smile. “Good to know”, he whispered to himself. Mutt and Jeff continued to argue in the corner, oblivious to anyone else’s condition. Michael sighed internally. No one appreciated subtlety anymore. Once everyone had succumbed and was face down in their soup or puddled on the floor, Michael stood up. “Gentlemen, since our companions seem to resting, I wonder if you could help me with something.” “Yeah, sure. Whoa, what happened? Are they going to be okay?” “Oh, yes. They’ll be fine. Just… napping. I still need a tour of the armory and I wanted you two to take me since I know it’s your area of…” Michael hesitated, barely able to say the word, “…expertise.” “What? Oh dude! Absolutely! Let’s go!”Jeff whooped and hollered the whole way there, Mutt egging him on. They unlocked the shooting range and took Michael to the armory. “We’ve got everything you need, man.” “I don’t need anything, I just need to know what you have.” “Oh. Well, you mind if we shoot off a few rounds first?” Michael waved his hand at them, “Of course.” He sat back in a green plastic chair, putting his feet up on the rail. He knew what was coming. “So, uh, let’s just do a few lines first, ok?” They opened up yet another unimaginative cocaine stash inside a target dummy then laid out a pile and bulldozed their faces through it. As they brought their heads up, they realized something was off. Weird. “Dude, you feel that?” “Like, that buzzing? What the fuck is that? OW!” Blood began to run out of Jeff’s nose. He turned to look at Mutt, who had sunk to the floor holding his head in his hands. He turned to Michael and yelled, “What is happening?!” Michael gave the most sardonic of smiles and said, “Oh, it’s quite simple really. My father has revoked your privileges.” Jeff’s eyes bugged in disbelief. He screamed hysterically, “What do you mean fucking revoked? We paid our dues man! We sold our souls!” Behind him Mutt began to rhythmically beat his head on the floor. “Yes, you did. But you haven’t exactly upheld your end of things, have you? Did you think I wouldn’t know?” “Auuugh! Fuck!” The nosebleed was hemorrhaging, leaving Jeff soaked in his own blood, woozy and thick-headed. “Wouldn’t know what?!?!! We gave you the apocalypse, dude!” Michael stood up, clasping his hands behind his back and cocking his head to one side. Speaking in a voice that was all gravel and bitterness he said, “You lied to me. You tried to manipulate me.” Jeff fell to the floor next to Mutt, trying to stand but slipping in the blood that was spreading around them. Michael continued, “You programmed Ms. Mead to say what you wanted to say. You used her. You took away her memories and gave her ones that you liked better. You changed her. And in doing so you worked against me.” He slowly walked his way over to the miserable pair. “You.” He looked at Mutt, who had slammed his head into the floor so many times that his eyes had rolled back into his head and pieces of his brain were flapping idly at the edges of his skull. He stepped closer, hand clenched. “Used.” He watched Jeff try to hold his head up, blood now flowing from his ears, eyes, and skin. He stepped closer, clenching the other hand. “Me!” He threw his hands open and they held roaring fire, flames licking and jumping in anticipation. “And my...” His face went ghostly white, black holes where his features should be. His voice boomed so powerful and angry it could have toppled mountains. “…MS. MEAD!!!” The flames shot to the ceiling and curved back down, igniting Mutt and Jeff. They wailed and screamed, slowly and painfully burning to a blackened crisp. Michael snapped his hands shut and stood stone faced, watching the ashes swirl across the floor. He casually brushed a stray lock of hair off his face and straightened his jacket. One last loose end to tie up. ******** Beginning of Chapter 4: “I Am a Rock”

Grace thought back to when she first met Michael. When a boy of 16 comes knocking at your door and he isn’t selling something for school, one gets nervous. And here was this boy, all ripped black jeans and combat boots, unsure of how to say hello to a stranger. He stood there on her doorstep, just looking at her, as if she was supposed to just know what he needed. “Where’s your mo…Ms. Mead?” she asked, looking around. The tall boy with icy eyes and curls like an angel looked around too. “I don’t know, I mean she was here, but now she’s not and the car’s not here…” The boy was clearly not comfortable being alone, and seemed anxious. “Is there someone I should call?” He looked sheepish and said, “Can I just wait here?” “Sure. We can do that. Let’s wait outside so we can see her car when she gets back.” And she thought to herself, “And so Ms. Mead doesn’t skin me alive for having her boy in my house unsupervised.” “Okay. Thank you. May I have some water?” Grace brought out some water for the boy and tapped him on the shoulder. He flinched, swatting at her hand. She took a step back then sat down on the steps at a respectful distance, putting the glass of water in the space between them. “Sorry, I’ll ask permission next time, okay?” Michael stayed silent, looking doubtful. “I will ask permission before I touch you. I promise.” They sat awkwardly until he finished the water. He handed it to her saying, “Here’s your glass. I’m finished.” “Thank you… I don’t know your name. What should I call you?” “Michael. Michael Langdon.” “How old are you Michael?” “16.” “And where do you go to school?” “I don’t like these questions.” Dammit, she had pushed too hard again. In her head, she admonished herself. “Listening skills, Grace! Come on!” “Oh, I’m sorry. Do you not want to talk? Just wait?” “Just wait.” Grace was trained in working with special needs kids, and this young man Michael, with his specific ways and rigid preferences, acting a little younger than his age would suggest, seemed to have some delays. She wondered if there was some kind of developmental disability there. She desperately wanted to ask more, but there was no point pushing him. They sat and watched the cars pass and listened to the summer insects buzzing.   Michael broke the silence. “Why are you always playing music and hitting things?” “What? Oh, I’m practicing. Practicing martial arts.” “You listen to music for that?” “Well, I do. It helps keep me motivated. It’s not too loud is it? I don’t want to bother anyone.” “No, it’s not loud. Well, Ms. Mead doesn’t like it but I think she just doesn’t like that kind of music.” “Well, it’s not for everybody. I’ll try to keep it quieter so she doesn’t have to listen.” “You practice fighting? Can you teach me fighting?” Grace had an inspirational idea, but it would require some coordinated effort and planning. “That… would be up to Ms. Mead. If she says it’s okay, then I can certainly try.” “She’ll say okay.” And just like that, her car came pulling into the driveway.Michael’s face lit up, and he ran off, calling out over his shoulder, “Bye! I’ll see you tomorrow!” “Tomorrow?” Grace thought, “Oh, boy.”

[adrienaline-rushed-art]

Hunger Game

Rating: G

Genre: Rom/Com

Words: 2846

Ship: Adrien x Nino

Summary: Adrien makes up a bullshit game to pretend he hasn't been beating around the 'ask-him-out' bush for the last 3 years.

A/N: I just realized this reminds me of Rhett & Link’s “Are You Gonna Eat That”

This is for @mari-monsta happy belated you beautiful starlight princess

Ao3  fanfic

“You’re doing it again,” Alya nudged Adrien’s arm. She sat next to him in the Dupain-Cheng bakery, a bakery they frequented often for the ‘Marinette-friend-exclusive’ free treats.

The two of them were sitting across from Marinette and Nino, who had gotten themselves caught up in their own discussion about the importance of music videos. Marinette and Nino had been friends since the fifth grade and their ability to start their own conversation in a group of four proved as much. Being the new kids, Alya and Adrien clicked immediately - bad news for any teachers who didn’t appreciate playful snickers from students who were perfectly on task and behaved otherwise. They couldn’t send two students to the principal's office for being done with classwork thirty minutes ahead of time just for laughing softly.

So although the four of them had all eventually gotten to know each other and formed an unbreakable bond, there were still two separate pairs that had their own things to talk about.

“Doing what again? I’m just trying to listen to them,” Adrien spared Alya a glance before returning his focus back to the chattering pair in front of him.

Alya’s upper lip twitched, unimpressed. “You’re making the eyes .”

“I’m looking at them. You know? The way people who are respectfully listening do?”

“You’re looking at him, and no, there’s definitely more to it than that.”

Adrien glared at her. “I’m listening, Al, I’m listening. What more could I be doing?”

Alya batted her eyes, imitating the sparkling, lovestruck expression Adrien wore just a few seconds ago. “I don’t know, maybe you’re really into that eclair.”

He pouted but said nothing. Instead, he turned back to Marinette and Nino and did the only thing that would get him out of any further questions; he joined the conversation. “Filters are something to take into account.”

“That’s true!” Marinette smiled, “and then there’s lighting, which can really make or break a mood.”

Nino pointed his finger at the invisible list of points on the table, “Right, and that’s what I’m saying about camera work and editing. The angles, the cuts… it creates pacing that never goes unnoticed.”

“It’s subconsciously noticed, though. I think wardrobe is something more people relate to,” Marinette shrugged.

“But is it really essential? I mean clothes can look nice, I guess-”

“If you saw a chick wearing a nun robe in a twerking video you’d notice.”

“That’s extreme…”

“I don’t think either of those are the most important part of a music video,” Adrien interrupted.

Nino and Marinette blinked at him. Adrien paused, he’d mostly said that to suggest a compromise, but he found himself eyeing Nino.

“Well, what about the music itself?” Adrien continued.

Nino raised his eyebrows, shifting from his sideways position to face Adrien fully.

“L-like,” Adrien focused the gestures his hands were making, “the sound of the music is different in the music video. Artists put effects on it sometimes to fit the surroundings, or other times there are breaks where you could almost say the visuals are meant to be the music.”

Nino’s eyes lit up and he smiled, “Hey, yeah! That’s a really good point.”

Marinette chuckled guiltily. “Sorry, I just realized how wrapped up we got there.”

“No, it’s ok, it was interesting,” Adrien rubbed the back of his neck.

Nino reached his hand across the table, making Adrien flinch before reflexively putting his hand over Nino’s. Adrien froze when Nino looked at him oddly.

“O-oh!” Adrien retreated his hand, “i-is that not… is that not what we were doing? I thought- uh…”

Nino laughed, it was a melody that replayed in Adrien’s mind over and over again. “Are you trying to protect the plate from me?”

Adrien blinked, his eyes trailing Nino’s line of sight. Right beside his elbow was the plate of pastries, which Adrien had forgotten he’d dragged closer to himself. “Um… yes?”

In his peripheral vision, he could see Alya rolling her eyes.

“Well, you’re on, dude!” Nino lunged forward, reaching for the plate. Adrien blocked him, his arm briefly indulging in the warmth of Nino’s hand.

“Ok, kids,” Sabine stood at the doorway next to the stairs as Tom passed her, “we’re ready to lock up, I think it’s time you all went home before it gets too dark. And I’d suggest you all save some of those leftovers for later, you’ll get a stomach ache if you try to finish it now.”

Nino released Adrien’s arm and eyed him over the rim of his glasses. “You win this round.”

* * *

Adrien paced around Alya’s room, his finger hovering over the enter key of his phone. “‘So, when do I get to win the next round?’, how’s that sound?”

It had been exactly eighteen hours since Nino had challenged him. Whether or not Nino was serious, Adrien wasn’t sure, but he wasn’t going to pass an opportunity.

“Good, very playful, I like it. Now, sit down and relax. You’re doing great, Sweetie.”

“But, then what? What am I supposed to tell him if he doesn’t catch on?”

“Which, he probably won’t...”

“Should I be blunt? Or is that too risky?”

Alya stood up from her desk chair and pushed Adrien to sit on her bed. “Do you trust Nino?”

“Of course!”

“Then tell him, you know Nino would never do anything to hurt you. If things don’t work out the way you hoped, things will just go back to normal. Trust me, I think Nino’s that kind of guy.”

“Well…”

“If you’re comfortable, go for it!”

“Ok,” Adrien looked determined, pushing his thumb closer to the touchscreen.

“Do it!”

He tapped on the key. Alya cheered as he stared at the sent message. What she didn’t know was that the message had immediately been read.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nino cringed. Now it was bound to be obvious he had already been waiting around in Adrien’s messages. He could joke about the coincidence that they texted at the same time, and while that would be true, he wouldn’t have an answer if Adrien asked him what he was going to say. Otherwise, it was a relief that Adrien had texted him first, even though it left him with no excuse as to how he read the message so quickly.

He drummed his fingers against the table. This was an important moment. The way he answered Adrien’s text was life or death. It had to be careful, strategic, witty, and suave. Nino leaned his head back on his chair and closed his eyes, taking in the melody and rhythm that pounded through his headphones. Opening his eyes, he tapped away on his phone. He crafted the message with delicate passion, his words were specific, his emojis and capitalization were analyzed for tone, and his thoughts were truthfully wrapped into one perfect sentence.

im free tonight - 1:10 PM

Nino smacked his forehead. Could he sound any more desperate? He didn’t even bother to throw in a joke, or question Adrien’s intentions, he just jumped for the opportunity like some sort of… Nino glanced at the water bottle on his desk and chugged it.

He took a deep breath. Everything was going to be fine. It was a Friday afternoon, everyone was free on Friday nights. All he had to do was wait for a response. His message had been read, Adrien was probably thinking up a response. It could be a startled response, a mocking response, or a great response! So his chances were one out of three… or one out of all the millions of terrible reactions he could think of. But Adrien wouldn’t do that, he was sweet enough to give anyone cavities just by looking at him. Clearly, Nino was overreacting. It had only been three agonizing minutes.

He just had to put his phone down and mind something else. Just wait casually… patiently. Adrien would answer.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Adrien wasn’t going to answer. At least, not yet. He wanted to check something to decide on his answer. Call it cheating, but Chat Noir decided to excuse himself through Alya’s balcony and said he’d be back in a minute.

“This isn’t stalking or anything,” Chat Noir muttered to himself as he crouched on the rooftop across from Nino’s bedroom, “just some guy in a black bodysuit hiding behind a chimney.”

He opened his baton, pointed the camera to Nino’s window, and zoomed in. “But this is Chat Noir! A superhero, doing his superhero duties,” he continued, “and he just so happens to be on the roof next to Nino Lahiffe’s house, and out of pure coincidence has his camera pointed in the direction of a bedroom window.”

It was going to be quick. He didn’t mean to invade on Nino’s privacy, he just needed answers. He watched Nino mess with some software on his computer, occasionally glancing at his phone. If Chat Noir didn’t know any better, Nino looked a bit impatient. He could be waiting for a response, ‘tonight’ was only a few hours from now after all.

Chat reached into his pocket and pulled out his personal phone.

Adrien: Ok! How about I meet up with you at 6? - 1:18 PM

Chat blushed and giggled into his hand.

Nino: sure, are we talkin the dupain-cheng bakery again? - 1:18 PM

Chat Noir thought for a moment. If he was being honest, he wasn’t even sure what the challenge was meant to be at this point, but he had gotten this far. Maybe it was time to be a little more blunt.

Adrien: Actually, I think I’m in the mood for a full meal, if you’re up for that? 1:19 PM

Nino: cool :D does this mean youre picking me up? 1:20 PM

Adrien: Yup ;3 1:20 PM

Nino: stop that what are you doing 1:20 PM

Adrien: ;3 ;3 ;3 1:21 PM

Nino: no. 1:22 PM

By the time he’d returned his phone to his pocket, Chat was grinning ear to ear. He saw Nino set his phone on his desk and pump his fist. Chat blushed, maybe there was a chance. Chat’s phone buzzed and he reached for it excitedly.

Alya: you’d better not be doing what i think you’re doing 1:25 PM

Adrien: Depends what you think I’m doing 1:25 PM

Alya: adrien wtf 1:26 PM

Adrien: Alright alright I’m leaving 1:28 PM

* * *

“If they serve camembert you’ll pass it all to me, right?” Plagg whispered from the pocket of Adrien’s black chino pants.

“Sshh, this isn’t the time,” Adrien rung Nino’s doorbell.

The door opened and Nino came out wearing a navy blue cardigan blue polo shirt. “Hey…”

“...hi.”

They stared at each other, waiting for a joke or cocky remark. Neither of them understood how they had gotten this far without having to make something up about whatever pastry battle they had started the day before. And now that they were about to go to a sit-down restaurant, that excuse was less likely to work.

“So, uh, we should-”

“Right, yeah, lead the way.”

“My chauffeur parked the car is over there…”

There wasn’t much talking on the ride to the restaurant. Both boys sat with their hands clasped together, peeking over every now and then. The silence was the kind that made one consider jumping out of a moving car, but the excitement kept them both sitting beside each other, silently accepting the direction the evening was going.

Gorilla dropped them by the entrance of the restaurant. Adrien and Nino chose to ignore the small smirk on Gorilla’s face as they slid out of their doors. After he drove off, they tried to relax a little.

“Well,” Adrien turned to Nino as he rested his hand on the front door, “in here, we fight like men.”

“Please, yesterday was more of a default win, you haven’t really faced me yet.”

“Fine, then. Whoever steals the most from the other’s plate wins.”

Nino snickered, “I swear to God if we get kicked out for being too messy and loud…”

“That’s the challenge, don’t break too much etiquette,” Adrien opened the door, letting Nino step in first.

Nino cleared his throat. “I see, dragging me into a battleground you have an advantage in.”

“Can’t handle it?”

“I never said that.”

It was nice to be out of that stuffy car. They sat down across from each other when the waitress led them to a table for two, smug smiles on their faces. The waitress seemed a bit confused when they thanked her without breaking fierce eye contact, and possibly a bit concerned. Regardless, she set their waters on the table and left, only glancing back at them three times. As if scripted, they both lifted their menus and didn’t break their gaze until the paper blocked their vision.

“I hope you pick something I like,” Nino called from behind the list of appetizers.

Something caught Adrien’s eye. “Same to you, just please don’t get the croquettes.”

Nino stared at the option for croquettes. “I wouldn’t think of it. As long as you don’t order any quiche.”

“No onion soup.”

Nino set his menu on the table. “Deal. And don’t even think about roasted asparagus. I’m ready to order.”

“What a coincidence,” Adrien stacked his on top, “so am I.”

They continued to watch each other closely. Nino’s eyes trailed to Adrien’s slim-fitting sweatshirt, then back to his eyes. Adrien’s eyes flicked down when Nino licked his lips.

Their eyes burned into each other, it must’ve been the competitive spirit.

“Are you two lovebirds ready to order?”

Adrien and Nino started into a loud coughing fit. Reaching for their waters they hoped to drown the blood that was rising to their cheeks.

“U-uhm, yes, actually,” Adrien put on a pretty smile for the waitress.

“Great!” she pulled out her notepad.

Adrien handed her the menus. “I’d like some quiche with a side of roasted asparagus.”

“And I’ll take onion soup with potato croquettes.”

“Alrighty, I’ll be back with your orders,” the waitress turned and left.

Nino tilted his head. “Good luck with your etiquette when you try to steal soup .”

“And good luck to you when you bring oily asparagus over this nice tablecloth.”

“So is this your secret to dieting?” Nino leaned forward, “you keep losing these types of games?”

Adrien swallowed loudly. “You’re… actually the first person I-I’ve, uh, done this with.”

“ Oh ,” Nino paused carefully, “you made it seem like it was something you were used to.”

“I just wanted to seem natural, but- this probably sounds inappropriate to anyone listening...” Adrien lowered his head shyly.

Nino laughed. “Only if you take it that way. I guess we’ve started our own tradition then.”

Adrien nodded and smiled.

They continued to chat until the waitress finally returned with a tray. “Here you go, thanks for waiting!”

They thanked her as she left and then turned to the plates in front of them. Adrien took a bite of his quiche and Nino popped a croquette into his mouth. They hummed in satisfaction before lunging their utensils towards the other’s plate. Adrien captured two croquettes while Nino took the biggest forkful of quiche he could manage. They scarfed down on their first victories before they continued. Back and forth, they proceeded to snatch more from across the table, each time trying to take twice as much.

Adrien eyed the onion soup. While Nino was busy scraping a huge piece of quiche onto his knife, Adrien grabbed the bowl and slid it over to his side of the table. Without even blinking, Nino did the same to the plate of quiche. They started to dig into the meal they had really wanted from the beginning.

“You know…” Adrien stirred his soup, “It’s almost like… we’re dating.”

“That’s crazy, dude.”

Adrien looked up at Nino, eyebrows furrowed in worry. “Huh?”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking!” Nino bit down on his empty fork, a toothy smile spreading across his face.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I mean, even the waitress thought so…”

“... Maybe the waitress knows something we don’t.”

Nino was quiet for a moment. He studied Adrien’s face. “Can I be honest?”

Adrien nodded silently.  

“I didn’t really mind the idea of it. Actually, I liked it.”

Adrien bit his lip. “You really mean it?”

“Yeah. I’ve wanted to ask you out before even, that’s the real reason I came today.”

“Holy-” Adrien raised his hands to his temples, “kissing you right now would be breaking etiquette, wouldn’t it? And then we’d both lose.”

Nino smiled and reached for Adrien’s hand, peering up for permission. When Adrien approved with wide eyes, Nino lifted his knuckles to his lips. “What happens if we win?” His spoke against Adrien’s skin.

Adrien shivered. “Another date?”

“Date… ok, then, we have no choice but to win.”

“But, you know, we don’t need etiquette if we just leave. We could always just skip dessert.”

Nino raised his hand to call a waiter over. “I think you mean skip to the dessert. Looks, like you’re on for round three.”  

-----------------------------

wow, Nino, 'dessert' huh? I should've called this the thirst games. Adrien's flirt game can get reKt

Please review! Hope you liked it, and if you're inspired to doodle please tell me I'd love to see <3

[filmflowersbangtan]

Glitch | pt. 1

An abnormality in science creates your “perfect man.” 

pairing: jungkook x reader

genre: angst 

warnings: swearing, mentions of sex, parental issues 

word count: 4,150

a/n: thanks to @jiminvbias​ @hyyh-baeptae​ and last but especially not least @namjinbooty9298​ for all the love and support. You guys keep me motivated! Much love and many kisses to you all! I hope everyone enjoys this, and feel free to give me feedback. Thank you!

“What are you thinking about doing for your thesis paper?” Namjoon said to you from across the table. Like usual, books and pens and notebooks were scattered about in front of him. “There’s a method to the mess,” he said to you once when you asked him why he had to take up so much room. He got distracted easily like a cat, so the only way to keep himself focused on his studies was to surround himself with them.

You were sitting across from him, shopping online for a pair of Givenchy heels. “Um… I’m thinking about doing my paper on photosynthesis and why it’s important,” you said, more interested in those grossly expensive block-heeled mink and leather heels than biology.

“There is no way in hell that you’re going to write an entire paper on photosynthesis. In graduate school.” Namjoon didn’t sound too convinced. You could tell from his voice that he was making that face that meant he was judging you. The one where he squinted his eyes and pressed his lips together.

You glanced up at him from over your laptop. “What?”

He snatched your laptop, scattering some of his notes in a flurry. “These are the ugliest fucking shoes that I have ever seen in my life. You’re wasting time on looking at these rather than working on your paper that’s due in two months.”

You sighed dramatically. “Yeah, two months. Shopping for shoes for like, two seconds, won’t hurt.”

Namjoon slid your laptop back over to you. “It will hurt. Because, knowing you, you’ll forget all about it until the night before it’s due. And no one but maybe Jesus himself can write a coherent twenty-page paper complete with research and graphs and charts and references the night before without dying.”

You closed your eyes and rubbed at your temples. “Oh, God, Namjoon. You’re such a buzzkill. I just want to buy some fucking shoes.”

He slightly raised his hands in a fragile surrender. “I’m just trying to be a good friend here.”

Because of the unnecessary stress that your friend just placed upon you by talking about the inevitable thesis statement, you went ahead and bought the shoes to placate yourself. If you were going to fail out of graduate school, at least you were going to do it in style, goddamn it.

-

People in graduate school were boring. People in biology graduate school were even more dull. Nobody here partied anymore. But the guys at the engineering school across the town were pretty fun.

You met a guy named Taehyung there who had pretty eyes and even prettier hands that he put to good use when the both of you stumbled into an empty bedroom. You ditched the place with him after he gave you a world-trembling orgasm to get drunk at a frat house that was also having a party (who knew engineering schools had fraternities?). Everything after that was a beautiful blur of drunken sex.

The very next day, you regretted the entire night.

Something on the floor was buzzing insistently. The sunlight through the blinds was too bright. You squinted one eye open. The room you were in was unfamiliar. There was a strange contraption on a desk that looked like a mini rollercoaster that was in the process of being built beside a MacBook with too many stickers around the apple. The vintage Star Wars posters plastered all over the walls made you think that you had stumbled into nerd hell.

The object was still vibrating, but you were too tired to reach over to where it was on the floor to turn it off.

“Oh my God,” a voice deep and husky enough to make your knees weak if you weren’t so hungover said. “Shut that damn thing off.”

You fought through the heaviness in your head and bit back a snarky remark to sit up and grab the object. It was your phone, surprisingly unscathed. Usually when you woke up in unfamiliar rooms, it meant that your night was wild enough to shatter a perfectly good phone. But one look at the screen and you realized that you fucked up royally, and not in a way that meant you had to make another stop at Best Buy. Ten missed calls and five texts from Namjoon, seven missed alarms for your afternoon class, and three missed calls from your dad.

You held the breath in your lungs as you read Namjoon’s texts.

Namjoon [12:10 PM] ummmmmm where the hell are you???

Namjoon [12:13 PM] you know that you can’t miss class. you know what your dad will do!!!

Namjoon [12:22 PM] i’m risknig my life hre to text you durig lecture… whre the fuk are you!!!

Namjoon [12:25 PM] you rlly can’t miss class. you know professor lee and your dad are best buds

Namjoon [12:31 PM] fuk it i’m done tryig to help you

You ran a hand over your face. “I’m so dead,” you groaned.

The person behind you grunted as he stretched his arms and legs. “Good morning to you, too.”

You turned and remembered the handsome face but couldn’t place a name with it. “Um… What’s your name again?”

The guy blinked a few times and scrunched his eyebrows together. “I’m Taehyung. Don’t you remember? We had sex like five times last night.”

You sighed and got up to fetch your clothes. “The fact that you remember last night, and I don’t is not a good look on your part, my dude.” You tugged your jeans up your legs and hopped as you tucked on your heels. For some reason you couldn’t find your shirt.

Taehyung got up to pull on his clothes, too. “I thought we really had something going… You said that you liked my rollercoaster.”

Your shirt was still nowhere to be found, so you rummaged through the nearest clothes drawer and slipped on the first top that you could find. “Please. I like everything when I’m drunk.” You touched up your hair and makeup as much as you could in the mirror that hung on the back of the door. Thank God you didn’t lose your purse last night.

Taehyung was standing a few feet behind you, looking as if you just kicked his dog. You felt a little bad that you were treating him this way, but one glance at the Star Wars posters let you know that Taehyung was a guy that didn’t get a lot of one-night stands, which meant he was probably going to ask for your number and most likely wanted to keep in touch. You had probably said a few things to him that made him feel special, and making boys feel special will make them cling to you. So even though you did remember the sex (which was amazing by the way. The boy had a tongue like a snake), you pretended like you didn’t. Attachment wasn’t sexy.

You opened the door and turned to him one last time. “Well, it was nice knowing you. Kind of. See ya. Oh, and I’m keeping the shirt.”

As soon as you were in the hallway with the door closed behind you, all the strength in your body melted. You sagged against the door and shut your eyes, trying to calm the dizziness in your head. Whether it was from the onslaught of texts and missed calls, or if it was from the hangover, you didn’t know.

You wanted to scream. Your dad was going to kill you. Namjoon was going to nag your ear off for putting yourself in a situation to make your dad want to kill you. And you left a beautiful boy alone in his room because you were afraid of him liking you. Congratulations, Y/N. You’re a complete fuck up.

Your phone buzzed in your hand and your heart leapt into your throat. “Oh, shit,” you whispered to yourself when you saw your dad’s face pop up along with his caller ID. With trembling hands, you slid the green button across the screen and lifted the device up to your ear.

“Hi, Daddy!” you said in a too sweet tone that you used to use when asking him for money when you were in high school. “How’s work going?”

Your father was not amused. “Y/N,” he said. It was kind of sad that you heard his “I’m very disappointed in you” tone more than you heard him pleased with you. The only time you heard his happy voice was whenever you did something biology related. He actually smiled at you the day that you got accepted to that stupid graduate school.

“Where are you?” he said stiffly. “Professor Lee told me that you missed class again. What did I say the last time that you missed class?”

You were pushing out of the dorm building and into the afternoon that was bright enough to burn your eyes out of the sockets. “You said that if I were to miss class again, I would have to move back home and work at your lab to stay out of trouble,” you grumbled. There was no forgetting those words. You loved your apartment, and you hated being home. You hated that you would have to be under the eye of your father like you were fifteen again.

“Exactly. And what did you do today?” You hated his tone. Like he was scolding a five-year-old for drawing on the walls.

You fished your sunglasses out of your purse and pushed them on. “I missed class,” you mumbled.

“Yes, you did. Now, where are you?”

-

You waited for your dad on a steel bench outside of the engineering school’s library. You were still in last night’s jeans that probably burned a hole into your savings and still wearing those mink Givenchy heels that you bought online for a little over a grand, but you felt like you were waiting to be picked up with the day’s trash.

Your dad’s car pulled up in front of you, the black paint gleaming in the sun like a panther’s ebony coat. He rolled down the passenger side window, extremely serious in his pressed dress shirt and dark sunglasses. It bothered you that you saw your own face in his.

You got in the car without a word and yanked on the seatbelt.

“What are you wearing?” he said.

You glanced down at your shirt. Darth Vader’s head was positioned in the center with the words STAR WARS hovering above it. It was made to look like a vintage 80’s print, but to you it was simply tacky. “Of course,” you muttered to yourself. As if your father couldn’t judge you any more than he already was.

“You smell like alcohol and must,” your father said as he drove.

You ignored him, gazing out of the window at the buildings that passed by. “I haven’t had breakfast yet. Can we stop at McDonald’s or something?”

He was good at ignoring the things that you said, too. “Y/N, I just don’t understand why you still act like this. You’re twenty-five years old and you’re brilliant at math and science. You could excel in your studies if you actually tried.”

What if I don’t like biology, you wanted to say. What if I hate science? But those words would only fall on deaf ears. Your father was an award-winning biologist, gaining world recognition for his achievements in cell cloning. This caused you a lot of stress growing up. Everyone expected you to be as smart or as good at math and science as him like intelligence was a gene. Too bad you were actually good at the shit, making everybody believe that maybe good brains did run in the family. Too bad you secretly hated biology.

Namjoon was at your apartment when you arrived. Your dad waited in the car as Namjoon helped you stuff some your clothes into various suitcases.

“You’re a really good friend, you know that, right?” you said to Namjoon as he pulled some more of your clothes from your closet.

Namjoon laughed a little through his nose. “I would say the same to you, but you really need to get your shit together.”

You scoffed playfully and shoved his shoulder, and he stumbled dramatically. But the light-hearted atmosphere was dampened almost immediately. You sat down at the end of your bed with your shoulders slumped. “I really do need to get my shit together,” you said, staring down at the lines in your palms.

Namjoon stopped flipping through the clothes in your closet and sunk down on the mattress beside you. He wrapped an arm around you, and you rested your head against his shoulder. “I know that you hate this biology shit. You don’t have to tell me. I’ve seen all those beautiful drawings in your sketchbook. I’ve noticed how you pay more attention to fashion than you do about cells and molecules. I know that your dad is a pain in the ass and that you’re doing all of this for him. But you’ve got to tell him that you don’t want this. It’s the only way for you to be happy.”

Something sticky and warm rolled down your face. You swiped at your cheek and your hand came away moist. Oh Jesus. You were crying. “Goddamn it, Namjoon. Leave it up to you to make a girl cry.”

“I usually only make girls in Star Wars shirts cry on Saturday nights,” he said.

You choked out a laugh through the tears, wiping harshly at more that trickled down your face. “What the fuck does that even mean?”

He smiled and rubbed your arm with affection. “I don’t know. At least it made you laugh, though.”

What did you do in your past life to deserve him? Because in this life, you hadn’t done shit.

Outside, your father honked his horn once. You tilted your head back and groaned at the ceiling.

-

“I’ll take care of your apartment. Don’t worry,” Namjoon said as he loaded your last suitcase into the trunk.

“That means I won’t have an apartment to come home to because you’ve burned it down,” you said.

Namjoon smiled at you and you let him engulf you in a hug. “Stay strong, beautiful. Only you can be the one to tell him what you really want,” he whispered in your ear.

Your old room was the same as you had first left it when you were eighteen. A bed with an abundance of stuffed animals and down pillows. An organized desk with a cup of pens and sticky notes and a letter stacking tray. A bookshelf full of physics, chemistry, and biology books. Print-out calendars marked up with different colored pens. A shelf of trophies from robotics competitions, spelling bees, and science fairs. The only thing that was different was that the succulents were missing. Your dad must’ve tossed them out because there wasn’t anyone that would take care of them after you’d gone.

God, you hated this place.

“Make sure you get yourself some breakfast before we head out to the lab. We’ll be there all day,” your dad said as he passed your open door.

You rolled your eyes up to the ceiling and exhaled deeply from your nose. Your head was still pounding from the hangover, and your father wasn’t making it go any quicker.

You ate breakfast in your room while looking through some of the old sketchbooks that you kept in a shoebox under your bed. When you were in high school, you used to draw the same person over and over again. He was your “perfect man” (that was back when you thought such a thing existed, when you were young and naïve). Tall, well-dressed, and handsome with silky hair and big, brown eyes. A breathtaking smile with a barely visible dimple in his left cheek. You wondered what this guy looked like, what he smelled like. What was his favorite color? What kind of music did he like to listen to? Back then, the young, naïve you believed that if you thought about this guy really hard, he would come and save you from those stupid kids who thought that you were nothing more than a science geek with a rich dad and from that rich dad that thought you were his biology prodigy.

This perfect man understood you. He didn’t judge you or think that you were too nerdy to hang out with him.

Now, you laughed as you flipped through dozens and dozens of drawings of this one man. You drew him in several different styles of clothes. Maybe this was where your love for fashion began. You took one of the sketchbooks with you to the lab to give you some internal strength.

-

Your father and his team were working on some “top secret” cell cloning project. You didn’t know much about the project at large, but you did little tasks here and there for the team. Fetching coffee and copies, double checking to see if certain doors were locked, looking at cells in microscopes and writing down observations when one of the scientists were too preoccupied with something more important.

As you were getting coffee for the team that you were working with for the day, the fluorescent lights above flickered for a full minute before ticking to normal.

“We’re still trying to figure out how to stop that from happening,” a lab technician said when you asked her about it while giving her the coffee that she asked for. “It’s the energy from the system that we’re using for the project. We’re either using too much or not enough. So far all the tests have failed.”

That was the most that anyone had told you about this project that they called, “Project Aureus.”

During your lunch breaks, you found a place to hide in. It was one of the rooms that had to be locked twenty-four seven. Technically, you weren’t allowed in here, but you didn’t care. You were the only one who checked the doors to see if they were locked, so no one would figure out. The room was small and bare. There was absolutely no furniture and it was completely white. The plainness of it calmed you sometimes. It helped with the stress that your father and his colleagues were pressing onto your shoulders throughout the days.

You sat in here and ate a sandwich as you flipped through your sketchbook again, looking into the face of your once perfect man. He never did come to save you from high school. And now that you were stuck under the thumb of your tyrant of a father, seeing those drawings again only pissed you off.

No one was going to save you. No one was going to carry you out of the black hole that you threw yourself into. Namjoon was your friend, but he had his own life and career that he had to think about. You didn’t want to get in the way of that. Namjoon loved the hell out of biology, so there was no way that he could understand how much you hated it. How much you needed to escape from it.

A bead of moisture fell onto the paper, pressing a dark dent into it. You wiped at your eyes to discover that you were crying again and that pissed you off even more. Meanwhile, your perfect man’s stupid face looked up at you with his stupid eyes and stupid hair. You tore out all the pages and rushed out of the tiny room, locking the door behind you.

“Hey! What were you doing in there?” a scientist that happened to be walking down the barren hall at that very moment said. He had a clipboard tucked under his arm. You forgot that sometimes they made rounds to this side of the facility. “That room is used specifically for Project Aureus’ purposes. Don’t go in there again.” He spoke in a tone that resembled your father’s which only angered you even more.

You nodded and rushed off, your hands tight in fists at your sides.

-

The very next day, as you were returning to the lab from the longue with both your hands full with mugs of coffee, the lights flickered and buzzed like they usually did at this time of day. You were immune to it by now like everyone else in the building was. They were running tests again. But this time was different. The fluorescents completely shut off, resulting in the hallways being washed in the eerie red glow of the emergency lights.

You paused in your steps, your heart thrumming in your ears as doctors and scientists everywhere scurried about shouting things that you didn’t quite understand.

“It worked!” a man rushing pass you said with glee. “It actually worked!” You weren’t sure where he was going or what he was talking about, but you assumed that the current project was a success.

Curious, you headed back to the lab room to give the doctors their coffee. This was the only area that still had power due to its back-up generator because of its “high importance” (you didn’t know why this room was important, that was just what you were told on your first day). It was uncannily silent as everyone watched a set of monitors displaying whatever was going on. Their faces were a mix of confusion and wonder. It was so quiet, and everybody was so still that the sound of your footsteps rang eerily throughout the room. There were more people in here than normal, a majority of them standing to get a good look at the screens.

“Here’s your coffee,” you said to Dr. Greene, bending down to place the mug on her desk. You felt like you had to whisper because it was so silent.

Dr. Greene didn’t acknowledge your presence, which was usual unless she was barking her coffee order at you. “We made an entire human?” she whispered, her fingers in front of her mouth in awe. You knew that she wasn’t talking to you, so you moved on to find Dr. Kim’s desk through the bodies all standing around in their starched white coats.

“But those papers? Where did they come from?” another doctor responded.

“Were those papers the answer to our problem all along?”

“But that’s the problem. We weren’t trying to create a person. We were just trying to clone a solid subject without it coming out deformed.”

As everyone chimed in with their observations, the room began to buzz with conversation.

Your curiosity got the better of you. You knew that you weren’t supposed to know anything about the project, and you knew that the doctors sent you out of the room for coffee at the same time each day so that you wouldn’t see whatever was going to be displayed on the monitors in the front of the room, but what they were saying was so strange that you had to look.

You slowly pushed through the congregation of doctors and scientists, pretending to look for the owner of the coffee in your hand until you reached the front of the room where the two flat-screen sized monitors hung up on the wall.

As soon as you got a look at the screen, the cup of coffee in your hand slipped, crashing to the floor. The scorching liquid bit at your exposed ankles when it splashed, but that didn’t faze you. A few people around you jumped back, muttering insults at you, but you barely heard them.

The two monitors displayed an identical set of rooms that both looked exactly like the one that you ate your lunch in the day before. One still had the pages that you ripped from your sketchbook scattered across the floor.

And in the other –

The man in the room was sitting on the floor, his legs pulled up to his chest and his arms around his knees. He was completely naked, his muscles taut and toned. The room was drowning with red because of the emergency lights, but despite that, you saw the gleam in his eyes when he looked up at the camera in the corner. You knew that he wasn’t, but it felt like he was gazing straight at you.

Those were the eyes that you knew better than your own. Big and brown and doe-like. You’d been drawing them all throughout high school, and never in your life would you be able to forget the way that they looked.

“She has to get out of here! This is confidential!” Bodies made a path for your father, the man that this very facility was name after. He snatched your upper arm, but despite him dragging you away, you kept your eyes on the man on the screen.

This couldn’t be. There was no way that you were seeing this correctly.

Your perfect man was real?

another a/n: Okay, okay. I know Jungkook doesn’t show until the end, but this is just the set up chapter. I promise that there will be lots more Jungkook in the future!