#oh look a thirst tweet video

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

#No No It’s Not

[kingkatsuki]

>>> Reply sent at 1:28AM: who knew Dynamight was such a slut?

Read the other replies here.

Here is my part to the Thirst Trap collab for Bakugou’s birthday! Please check out all the other fics at the link above💕

Happy Birthday to the King👑

Warnings: 18+, intoxicated Bakugou, dirty talk, sending dirty videos, sexting, m!masturbation, voyuerism, exhibitionism, creampies.

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x Shindou Yo x f!reader.

Word Count: 1.6k.

Bakugou’s thumb paused against the screen when he saw that particular message in a sea of hopeful replies, a lump tight at the back of his throat as he swallowed thickly in a feeble attempt to clear it.

He’d recognise that profile photo anywhere. Grand’s girlfriend.

Bakugou had spent more than one night fisting his cock to the thought of you, although he’d never admit it. Remembering just how pretty you looked at the hero gala last month in a dress that left very little to the imagination, leaving him bricked up for his acceptance speech as he thought about bending you over in the men’s bathroom stalls.

And part of him thought he might even have a chance with you, if he could get you away from Grand just long enough. Remembering the syrupy scent of your perfume invading his senses when you stood up on tip-toes to wrap your arms around his broad shoulders to give him a hug after he’d received his award; leaving a sticky lipgloss stain against the shell of his ear when you whispered against it how proud you were of him. And he was certain he wouldn’t make it out of the building alive. His boxers now glazed with dry pre and his cock throbbing desperately for any kind of sweet relief.

And now you were messaging him?

Bakugou was quick to click onto your profile, navigating directly towards the direct message option to see he’d already received a slew of them, but they didn’t appear to be from you.

YOU[1:57AM]: Aww you didn’t think that message was actually from her, did you?

Shit, Bakugou grunted as his cock still throbbed pitifully between his thighs, of course Shindou was the one texting from your phone and not you. Certain he could hear Shindou’s condescending tone through text.

YOU[1:58AM]: Oh, you did? You sick fuck hahahahaha.

YOU[1:58AM]: She’d never message you without telling me anyway.

Bakugou growled in irritation as he read through each message. Of course, Shindou texts were just as annoying as the man was in real life.

YOU[1:59AM]: But you should’ve seen how excited she got when you sent that tweet.

YOU[2:00AM]: It made her stupid little crush on you even worse.

Wait, what? Bakugou’s heart pounded at the realisation as he saw the next message. A link to a video that had a pitch black screen to start, his heart hammered against his chest as he clicked onto it.

And there you were spread out in all your naked glory. The sordid fantasies Bakugou had while stroking his cock at night would never compare to the sight of you like this— spread out against tousled sheets as you stared up at the camera through thick lashes.

The perfect point of view, Bakugou thought as he imagined himself above you.

“I guess I should be thanking you for this, Dynamight.” Shindou sneered, reaching out to mould one of your round breasts between slender fingers. Pinching at your taut nipple as a groan rumbled deep in Bakugou’s chest, “Getting my girl all riled up in the middle of the night.”

Bakugou wondered if he’d actually fallen asleep, because this had to be a dream. Reaching down to palm his cock through his damp boxers as crimson eyes roamed your naked skin, trying to commit the sight to memory.

“Lucky I was right here to fix it,” He continued, “That what got you excited huh, sweetheart?”

Shindou’s voice rung out from behind the camera as he fucked into your body with slow, deliberate thrusts. Each precise motion had your tits bouncing, a calculated move from his rival, he thought. Watching the way your lips parted in sultry moans every time he drew back, trying to coax him deeper as your cunt gushed around him.

“Thinking about Dynamight’s hard cock.” And Bakugou’s cock was hard, throbbing with neglect as he wrapped a large fist around himself to curl his wrist. Smearing pre, that was now drooling down his engorged head along the length of him as crimson eyes watched the video.

“He shoulda just text you if he wanted a birthday treat, huh?” Shindou continued, panning the camera down to where your bodies were connected so Bakugou could see the creamy rings of slick around the base of his cock each time he drew his hips back, “You’d have been more than happy to get on your knees for him.”

Bakugou whined pitifully at the thought of you like that, looking up at him all pretty and shit as you wrapped your glossy lips around his cock. His hand tightened around himself as he he pumped himself with calculated measure. Following Shindou’s movements as he fucked into your warm, wet cunt as he tried to replicate the sensation. Positive that nothing would ever feel as good as the real thing—

“Say his name, sweetheart,” Shindou continued, bringing the camera up towards your face, “Come on, it’s his fuckin’ birthday.”

“Katsuki,” The lewd squelch of your cunt aired in the background as Bakugou focused in on the desperate lilt to your voice when you repeated it, “Katsuki.”

Bakugou grunted as he leaned forward, pursing his lips together to spit onto his cock. Smearing the moisture along his length as he imagined it was you sinking down onto his length instead.

“God, you’re such a nasty slut,” Shindou continued, as though he hadn’t been the biggest instigator, “Moaning another guys name while I’m balls deep. Bet you’re thinking about him fuckin’ this sweet, sweet cunt too?”

“Oh my god, fuck—” You mewled, hands reaching up to paw at your tits as Bakugou watched the way your hands dipped into the soft skin.

“Is that it?” Shindou pressed, “You want Dynamight to fuck this sloppy pussy?”

“Yes!” You cried out, cunt clenching around him.

“Oh, shit.” Shindou rasped, the camera angle faltering as he jolted with pleasure. Almost dropping his phone as he readjusted himself above you, the camera now angled lower to show Shindou’s thick cock disappearing inside your tight cunt. A sheen of your slick glistened around the base of him as he kept his languid pace.

“We should invite him round, then?” Shindou continued, “It is his birthday, after all.”

You gasped at the implication, your body reacting to your boyfriend’s words as he smirked down at you. Giving the side of your thigh a playful swat as you moaned in response.

“Yeah? You like the sound of that?” Shindou cooed, “She clenched around me so fucking hard when I said that.”

Bakugou groaned, squeezing his fist around himself in a pitiful attempt to mimic the action. Trying to replicate the grip of your cunt around him as he pictured the pretty faces you’d make for him.

“‘m close,” You panted, biting down on your bottom lip as Bakugou felt his balls tightening at the sight, dangerously close to his own end.

“Yeah? You gonna cum?” Shindou coaxed, his thumb disappearing between your thighs to press taut circles to your puffy clit, “Show Dynamight how pretty you look when you’re cumming all over my cock, sweetheart.”

And fuck, did you look pretty. Bakugou thinks. Your eyes rolling to show their whites as your lashes flutter, lips curled into the prettiest moan he’s ever heard as you begin to convulse. Nails leaving dark lines against your tits as you mould the supple skin, thighs raising in the air to try and clamp down around Shindou’s hips.

“Fuck,” Bakugou snarled between clenched teeth as he sped up his movements, rough and sloppy as he desperately tried to meet your climax. Wanting to tumble into bliss by your side as the camera moved back towards your slick heat, his hips jerking sloppily as he felt himself come undone. Sending streams of milky cum against his hand, thighs and the new sheets he’d put on for his special day. A whole ass mess.

“Bet you would’ve preferred cumming inside this perfect little pussy,” Shindou spoke, as if he knew Bakugou would be touching himself while watching.

Slowly pulling his spent cock out of your trembling hole before moving the phone between your thick thighs so Bakugou could see the gape. A stretch Bakugou wished he’d inflicted on you as he brought his phone closer to his face to try and see the way your walls still fluttered in the aftershocks of your release, his spent cock throbbing when he noticed you begin to push Shindou’s warm spunk out of your abused hole. Watching it drool down between the curve of your ass before Shindou’s thumb came up to collect it; pushing it back inside you as you let out another sinful moan of delight.

“You think Dynamight would fuck you this good, sweetheart?” Shindou coaxed as the pads of his fingers circled your stretched hole.

“Mmm, I think he would,” You mumbled, gasping when Shindou’s palm came down hard on your slit, catching you by surprise.

“Course you’d think that,” Your boyfriend laughed, shaking his head as he leaned down to press a kiss to your pouty lips.

“Maybe you should come and get your birthday head,” Shindou turned the camera around to show his smirking face as he sat shirtless above you, “So you can show her how tiny your cock really is.”

Bakugou shared up at the ceiling with blown out eyes, wondering if he’d sobered up enough to move as his chest still heaved with the intensity of his climax. Taking a deep breath before he moved to stand, grabbing his keys off the bedside table as he shoved his softening cock back into his jeans.

Fuck it, he’ll get an Uber.

[matrixbearer2024]

hello! i’m the anonymous that mentioned the thirst tweets 😭 i saw that you asked for people to send you ideas so i wrote some definitely did not watch several videos of celebs reacting to their thirst tweets i wrote a couple with a specific character but i figured id let you choose the character for the tweet :)

imagine getting paid to kiss vox, i’d do that shit for free

the sluttiest thing men can do is be ___

i’d let lucifer in his demon form break my back like a glowstick ANYDAY

vox with is sleeves rolled up vox with his sleeves rolled up vox with his sleeves rolled up vox with is sleeves rolled up vox with his sleeves rolled up vox with his sleeves rolled up vox is like 99% sure y/n wrote this one

my body is a temple and i want ___ to bust the walls

i desperately need ___ to smash my skull between their thighs

___ just popped up on my screen and it took all my self discipline to not kick the screen

just watched hazbin hotel.. i have inappropriate things to say about ___

i would let ___ rearrange my guts in alphabetical order any day

___ ass is a gift from god himself 🙏

i want lucifer to hit my g spot so hard that my moans are louder than his high note in “more than anything”

please don’t mind if there are any typos you obviously don’t have to use all of these but i’d thought i’d give you some different options ❤️ also LOVE YOUR WORK YOURE AMAZING

A/N: This is a bit of a long one compared to the others- Also, thanks for giving me choices but I'm definitely using a lot of them HAHAHAHA

Actor AU: Thirst Tweet Edition

(Y/N): *Is handed a glass bowl filled with paper strips* "Oh that's a bowl- seriously?? How many of these are there?"

*The producers off screen say something*

Lucifer: "A couple?? Woaaah-"

Vox: "Oh damn, I can't wait to see what the internet thinks of us."

Alastor: "Are any of these going to be censored?"

*The producers off screen say something again*

Alastor: "None?? WELL THEN-"

(Y/N): "This person says: 'Imagine getting paid to kiss Vox, I'd do that shit for free!'"

Vox: *Trying not to laugh* "Imagine trying to kiss an overheating computer monitor, that's how it feels like dear fans."

(Y/N): "I mean, when we film it's not that bad but hey- to each their own."

Lucifer: "Wait wait look at this: 'The sluttiest thing a man can do is obsess over their rival who went missing for seven years'. Oh this is a callout that's what that is-"

Vox: *Can't even respond coherently he just falls into a fit of laughter*

Alastor: "And they say my character is the creepy one! Seriously?!"

Adam: "You both play creepy characters- anyway, this one says: 'I'd let Lucifer in his demon form break my back like a glow stick any day.' YO THAT WAS A HARD FUCKING LEFT LET'S BE REAL FOR A MINUTE-"

Vox: *Folded over and just laughing uncontrollably*

Alastor: *About to start laughing as well but trying not to and pointing to Vox* "I'm gonna start laughing if this idiot doesn't stop I swear to god-"

Lucifer: "That escalated really quickly oh WOW-"

(Y/N): "VOX- STOP LAUGHING-"

Adam: "Dude we literally JUST started!"

Alastor: *Trying to distract himself and not become a laughing mess* "This one is just a copypaste of: 'Vox with his sleeves rolled up'. (Y/N) are you sure you didn't write this?"

(Y/N): "HUUUUH??? WHY DO YOU THINK IT'S ME??"

Alastor: "Because it's you???"

Vox: *That does not help him stop laughing*

Lute: "Okay- my turn! This one says: 'My body is a temple and I need Alastor to bust down the walls'. People are really down bad for a radio deer and a bipedal TV-"

(Y/N): "THAT SHIT IS ACCURATE! LIKE REALLY ACCURATE!"

Vox: *He's clutching his side because it's sore from him laughing too much* "Okay okay! Let me try! I wanna see what the people say! Oh goodness this one: 'I desperately need Lute to smash my head between their thighs'. Excuse me but BITCH WHAT THIGHS?"

Lute: *Playfully and repeatedly smacks Vox*

Adam: "He's not wrong though! These people are craaaazy-" *Laughs as Lute smacks him too*

(Y/N): "Yooo! there's one about me! '(Y/N) just popped up on my screen and it took all my self-discipline to not kick the screen'. I can't tell if that's good or bad-"

Vox: *WhEeEzE*

Lucifer: "Depending on who you ask it could either be aggressive affection or people just don't like your character much."

Alastor: "Which is hilariously odd because people really like mine??? What goes on in the heads of our fans??"

(Y/N): "Bleh- oh wait look at this one: 'Just watched Hazbin hotel, I have inappropriate things to say about Saint Peter'. SERIOUSLY???"

Lucifer: "Oh my god people's corruption kinks-"

Alastor: "That's craaaazy-"

Adam: "I can't wait to tell him about this!" *Laughs*

Lute: "Give me another one! Hmm- 'I would let Alastor rearrange my guts in alphabetical order any day'. Canonically he could- you would just die afterwards-"

Alastor: "Yeah I don't think my character would be entirely opposed to that. In the innuendo sense though? Oh boy."

(Y/N): "Yooo this one! 'Adam's ass is a gift from god himself' praying hands emoji- CANON LORE MOMENT?"

Adam: "IT'S CANON! IT'S SO CANON-"

Lute: *Laughing like crazy*

Vox: "Oh this one isn't any better- 'I want Lucifer to hit my g-spot so hard that my moans are louder than his high note in: "More Than Anything"'. Well, we stan a short king."

Lucifer: "That has got to be the most creative thing that's come out of that depraved batch of comments so FAR."

Alastor: "Wait wait- there's a last one. It says: 'I need to kiss Vox until he can't breathe'. Okay (Y/N) you're up-"

(Y/N): "OH FUCK OFF AL-" *Laughs*

[tracksidequeen]

Thrist Tweets

Request: Hi, could you write a drabble in where the reader reads thirsty tweets with Toto?

Warning: Boss!TotoxAssistant!Reader, some vulgar language, daddy?

Words: 900k+

*****

"Have you thought about it?"

With a mischievous smile on your face you walk in Toto's office and sit down on the sofa.

“Thought about what?” he asks confused. He takes off his reading glasses and folds them gently.

"The suggestion Paul gave you, about reading thirst tweets for the social media account. The fans would love it..."

"-I swear, this is why Paul gives me a headache on the daily," he interrupts you shaking his head and gets up. He walks over to sit down next to you, as you eye at him with a cheeky look on your face. "What?!"

"...I would love it.” You say with a sarcastic, whiney voice.

He laughs, and then his face goes blank. "No."

"Toto, c'mon, it's fun!" You give his shoulder a slight shove. 

"No," he repeats, but the excited look on your face makes him hesitate. "What are they even saying on there anyways?"

"OH, they are allll over you!" you say as you instantly grab your phone and open the comment section under a picture of him on the Mercedes twitter account. 

"Mind you; admin is probably busy muting half of the comments under your photo's... for obvious reasons."

"What? Muting- when? Why?" He looks at you confused, understanding half of what you just said.

"When admin posts something of you, the fans have - let's say - and interesting form of showing their love for you." You give him a cheeky side-eye.

"You are enjoying this too much for my liking," he says and you show him the comments. He takes his folded reading glasses from his shirt and puts them on. Instantly he raises his eyebrows. 

"You'd be reading this out loud and responding to it in the video." He looks at the comments on your screen and shakes his head with blushing cheeks.

"Don't be shy, read it out," you say teasingly.

"No, this is insane." His words say he doesn't want it, yet he can't take his eyes off your phone and continues reading. You hear him mumble under his breath- "Toto can eat a pumpernickle off my body any time of the day." He looks back at you.

"Why would anyone want to do that?” 

He says it in a confused manner, but you hear in his voice how it stroked his ego. “Crazy, crazy." Without waiting for your reply he diverts his attention back to the phone. He leans over and starts scrolling your phone.

"I'd let Mr Wolff break my back like a glow-stick." His loud laugh fills the office. “Well that’s a bit aggressive, don’t you think?”

"I mean, we're all thinking it, they just wrote it."

Without saying a word he looks at you and you feel your cheeks getting warm. You continue scrolling through the comments under another photo of him so the topic can switch. But he doesn’t let you off the hook that easily.

"So you're thinking it as well?"

With a lost look on your face you say, "huh, what are you talking about?" He raises his eyebrows in response, and smirks before looking at your phone again.

"Toto can use my ass as his table to slam on, and I'd still say 'thank you daddy.'" He says laughing, "they are really getting creative with ways to flatter me.” 

He looks at you, and without taking his eyes off you he says, “Secretly one of these is from you."

"Well, don't flatter yourself too much, Toto."

"You'll start calling me dad soon as well." You look at him confused, "why?" He nods his head at your screen, "they called me 'dad' at the end right?"

You feel your heart drop from the nervousness. Never in a million years would you have thought that you’d sit with your boss on his office sofa, discussing the terminology of the word...

"Daddy? You mean?"

"Yes, you'll start calling-" "Toto, nooo! That's not what they mean!" You say with part panic part hysterical laughter.

A questioning look emerges on his face as you can't stop laughing. "Well explain it then," he says. "Stop giggling so annoying."

He can't stand it when he doesn't understand something, and it's even worse when he's the center of the joke. "C'mon! Stop it, what?"

"Toto, they mean 'daddy', not as dad, but..." you say holding in your breath, but then you realise you're talking to your boss and suddenly your eyes fill with embarrassment. It's great how comfortable you feel around him, but there are some limits, you figure. "Toto, no, you're smart enough to figure this one out on your own."

"Would you call me daddy?"

"WHAT?" You say with widened eyes.

"I'm trying to figure out in which context you'd use- oooh." His face turns red. "I see."

"You're a joke Toto, absolutely ridiculous." You joke, to make him feel less uncomfortable for what he just said. But your efforts in making him less embarrassed was not necessary, because he rises above every situation.

"So, would you?" he asks with a smirk.

"Would I- what?"

"You can figure this one out on you own."

*****

[mrchiipchrome]

Thirst Tweets

W.C.- 1,6 k

“Hello, I’m Y/n Y/l/n…”

“And I’m Alessia Russo.”

You and Alessia sit perpendicular to each other at the Manchester United training grounds, having been called in for media after the first training of the day. It hadn’t been anything too straining, just some light passing and shooting drills before working with resistance bands and stretching. The later pass of the day would be the hard hitting one, full of running drills and more resistance before ending with a strength pass.

“So, what will we be doing today Alessia?” Neither you nor Alessia had actually gotten the runthrough of what would happen, you had gotten just enough time to freshen up after training before being pushed into a room full of cameras and bright lights.

“I’m as clueless as you are” 

Alessia’s response gathers a large bout of laughter from everyone in the cramped room. Suddenly someone from behind the cameras walks out and puts a bowl filled with paper bits in it before you. The same person retreats back to their place behind the camera and starts explaining the reasoning behind you being called to the room.

“Today, you and Alessia will be reading thirst tweets. You two were the ones with the most thirst tweets, that’s why you’re here.”

Both you and the girl beside you let out loud chuckles at the reasoning behind the choice of players for the video before you nod your head and gesture for Alessia to start. She reaches out and sticks her manicured hands into the bowl, mixing them around before picking one and bringing it to her line of sight. She opens it and makes sure that you can’t see what is written on the small piece of paper after you try to peek over her shoulder.

“Oh this is a good one, ‘This is my official campaign for Lessi Russo to play Barbie in the upcoming 2023 live action movie, (with Y/n portraying Ken of course like the simp they are)’” 

A jokingly offended gasp escapes your mouth at the insinuation that you’re a simp, it’s jokingly because everyone in the woso community knew that you were the biggest simp of all for your girlfriend.

“Y’know what? I’ll second that, Less would be an amazing Barbie ‘cause she’s such a doll” You’re unable to keep the teasing smirk off your face when you use the old fashioned nickname that you know she loves so much.

Alessia hides her blushing face behind her hands and you turn back to the cameras, teasing smile still situated firmly on your own face before you reach out and pick which thirst tweet would be read up next. Replicating Alessia’s earlier action you unfold the paper before reading what was thought out and later typed.

“‘I can’t explain it but Lessi and Y/n/n just give off strawberry raspberry vibes. someone please tell me that I’m not delusional’” You look to your side to capture Alessia’s reaction, waiting for her response to the statement.

“That’s very true” Her words are spoken through her signature beaming smile, happy that someone’s managed to get an accurate description of your relationship and dynamic.

“Yeah I agree. You’re definitely strawberry though.” You throw each other knowing looks, knowing Alessia’s pure love for strawberries, an affection that nearly exceeds her love for you. “Alright, moving on. None of these have really been thirsty.”

Just as you say that Alessia’s aquamarine eyes scan the next statement and you see how her jaw quite literally drops open. You lean forward and put your forearms on your knees while clasping your hands together in front of you, fixing her with an expectant expression.

“‘I’d give my soul, my body and entire family for a chance at a date with y/n y/l/n’, well tough luck there mate they already have someone to take them on dates.” Crumbling up the paper between her slender fingers before tossing it to the side and out of sight, the vein at the side of her neck popping out slightly.

Deciding that this is the perfect time for a bit of teasing, you lift your hand up to her height of her neck and poke the vein softly. You feel goosebumps rising beneath your fingers before you retract them and say,

“No need for jealousy honey, you know you’re the only one I’ll ever love.”

The clearing of a throat snaps you out of the moment with your girlfriend, you repeat the action and clear your own throat of any lingering embarrassment of being caught distracted so easily. Making eye contact with the camera, you use the awkwardness to your advantage as you read the next quote pausing where needed.

“‘if looking good was a crime, alessia russo would be serving an infinite amount of life sentences for being the most gorgeous person in the universe’, that’s really cute just like you.” The compliment reaches a long way as Alessia once again finds herself adorning a deep, dark red color on her cheeks. She lets out a nervous chuckle realizing there were only a few tweets left in the small see through bowl.

“Okay, two left, ‘lessi and y/n’s relationship is literally my religion amen’, yeah this one’s pretty straight forward.” It is your time to feel the heat rising in your cheeks when Alessia sends an ungodly wink towards you. Feeling the need to collect yourself, the witty response atop your tongue comes out at the speed of light.

“The way I worship you should be considered religious”

More than a few eyebrows raise at your innuendo, waiting for your brain to catch up with your mouth. When it finally does, your hand covers your mouth to keep the laughter bubbling up in your chest from escaping, and you feel a weak slap on your shoulder coming from the girl beside you.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Right the last tweet states ‘Alessia Russo’s thighs are to die for’”, you cut yourself off by saying, “or between” before continuing reading the quote off the paper while Alessia slaps your shoulder again a bit harder this time. “‘they are the best thing to ever grace my vision’, wow, yes.”

“Cut” Is yelled out as the crew prepares to do the outro, all running around as they fix the lighting and check the lenses for invisible dust. Looking down you see another abandoned chunk of paper.

“Ey we missed one, should we just read it during the outro?” 

United’s social media manager nods and you pick up the paper, holding it close to your heart as if protecting it from Alessia’s piercing eyes.

“Starting in 3…2…1. Go”

“We have one more to read”, pulling it away from your chest and opening it a blush coating your cheeks at the words you’ve imagined yourself asking her for a while, “‘alessia mia teresa russo, will you marry me?’ included the entire name, huh”

You’re too flustered to do the outro, so Alessia does it pretty much alone. Exiting the room, all you can think about is the velvet box currently hiding at the bottom of your kitbag.

—

Walking into training a few weeks later you immediately realize what has happened when Millie and Tooney look up with teasing smiles on their faces. You let out a sigh before turning and glancing at your now fiancée, wondering how long it would take them to realize the new piece of jewelry resting on her left ring finger.  The band was elegant with a small aquamarine stone inspired by her magnificent eyes and small numbers etched into the inside of the ring representing the day you had met. You had a matching band on yours, Alessia revealing her plans to propose right after she had accepted your invitation to marry her under the early stars and the setting sun just off the coast of Sicily.

You see Ona’s jaw drop open, obviously having noticed the rings and she slaps Lucia’s arm rapidly making her look in your direction and notice the same thing she has.

Continuing her teasing Ella jokingly pops the question like you had done in the video.

“Alessia Mia Teresa Russo, will you marry me?” 

Alessia responds by lifting her hand up, showing off the elegant ring glittering in the sunlight. 

“I’m sorry Tooney, you’re a couple weeks late I’ve already been asked.” 

Loud screams fill the training grounds as most of the girls flock around Alessia, desperate to see the ring now adorning her finger. The rest walk over to you and clap you on the back. Countless questions are asked, ranging from how you asked to when the wedding would be and if they were invited.

Everyone eventually leaves you two to bask in the newly engaged bubble, but not before you get threatened to never even think as much as a bad thought about Alessia for the rest of your life, not that you ever had before. Tooney’s threat brings you back to when you first started dating and she threatened you.

Towards the end of training, a muttered sentence coming from Millie leaves you in stitches,

“I guess pretty girls are doomed to a life sentence either way”

The quote is so appreciated that you use it in the ending of  your vows months later, 

“Standing here now, I have the best life sentence in front of me that has ever been handed out and I hope you agree. I now realize that marrying you has always been inevitable, a question of when rather than if. Because a life without you is a life not worth living. My love for you is one that is immeasurable, greater than the distance from the farthest end of the universe to the nearest. I’ll love you ‘til my last breath, and in any life that might come after this one.”

Y'all are really getting spoiled, 3 fics in the span of 1 week

[ladythornofrivia]

popsicle

pair: sanzu x reader

warnings: cheating, sanzu being naughty, and toxic husband with profanity, secret affair, mentions of depression, mentions of insecurities, sanzu being h*rny and flirty, sanzu being a douchebag, but still lovable in his own way.

a/n: sorry being inactive. i’ve been obsessed with Getou, hence I changed my username. oh yes, i also have an ao3 account, yay!

• On a hot summer day, you stayed at the house, waiting for your husband to come home. It happens quite often when you’re bored and repressed by the expectations of what it means to be a good wife. Cleaning, pampering, and the means of being a “tidy wife”.

• Your husband didn’t come home that night. The food you prepared went into the fridge or at the trash bin, sometimes you ate the whole meal to a point where a husband shames your big appetite. Kept bragging about how the girls in porn magazines have much better figure and features. You couldn’t help but to feel down. You know that in your heart the girls in magazines have more plastic than the ocean combine.

• One morning, you overheard him talking in his sleep, moaning, even. You didn’t want the noise so you slept on the couch. Though when you went to the bathroom, you overheard your husband talking, awake. You have no clue to who he was talking to, but his expression said otherwise. And it wasn’t promotion.

• The next morning, your husband was nowhere to be found. And feeling a little lonely, the urge to touch yourself from the tightness in your pajama pants, so you quickly went onto the couch, took off your clothes, and tried to find a pornographic video you could find on your phone. From there, you stumbled across the video, also in the couch, you find yourself watching a gorgeous man with long pink hair and teal eyes under the long white lashes, brutally pounding his dick inside the girl’s cunt. With a girl’s whiny moans, it was almost a deal breaker, but with a gorgeous man before your eyes, he winked at the camera and sped up his thrusts against her. You finger coated with cum, but it wasn’t enough. You wanted more. You wanted to be in the same position as the girl on the video.

• And with that, you found yourself lucky with enough time in the house, wanting to be seen on the internet. At first you posted videos and selfies on the account, taking three shots until finding a perfect photo, but decided to upload all of them together. Then you decided to become as a part-time cam girl. Doing a first video of masturbation was awkward at first. So you took a shower and put a lot of skincare to make an effort of looking flawless on screen first. The moment the awkward tension has gone down, you sat down, without undergarments, with your spread legs, your fingers dipped down into the hole as your breasts bounced for every movement shifted. Coming down from a high climax was real accomplishment, thus planning to have more brand new lingerie to tease the audience.

• The next morning, your account on the cam website blown up. Your cam girl views went viral through pornographic websites, your figure is and your skin are lustrous and flawless. Even on the tweets, you have gone viral—your body has gone viral. Many likes and many comments. And all the pornstars wanted to collab with you. Most of all, what got your attention is when Sanzu subtweeted your videos and commented on every single pictures you posted, praising you with dirtiest comments.

• Everything is perfect. Except the efforts of keeping secrecy from your husband, living as a double life will be impossible, unless blurting out that you’re making good money from the elicit websites. With your husband ignoring your existence, it should be easy, despite being hurtful by his intentions. At night, you waited for him to fall asleep to do your naughty sessions online. More views had gone up, and with your social media accounts, pornstars have bombarded you with not so flirting and thirsting. You ignored all of them except for the gorgeous man with pink hair who goes by the name of Sanzu. Sanzu is the most popular pornstar/camboy. Although you’ve seen him from the screen, you wanted to know what he sounds like.

•Even in your dreams, you dreamt of him fucking you in you and your husband’s bed. Everything were hopes and dreams, but then days changed when your friend decides to set up a group hangout, you and your friends hung out at the department store to wear for the karaoke. Accidentally bumping against a tall frame, you apologized immediately, you looked up and saw tall men in suits. When one was about to grip on your shirt, the other man stepped in and told the other guy to back off. You immediately noticed the long pink hair, but you have never seen a gorgeous face with diamond-shaped scars. Maybe you’ve mistaken the man for Sanzu. Maybe he isn’t Sanzu. He looks like him, but he looks terrifying.

• Though you weren’t the only one checking him out. Sanzu checked you out with a long teasing glimpse and gave a smirk. For a while it’s been awkward full of groups, but eventually you and Sanzu hit it off, hanging out and singing in the karaoke. Sanzu wanted to be alone with you; he figured out who you are based on your birthmark on your neck; your hair style tucked at the backside. He couldn’t help but to flirt with you more as you separated your ways from the group. Luckily your husband wasn’t home.

• Sanzu bought two popsicles—both strawberry flavored—a perfect way to savor the sweet, hot summer. As you relished the taste of popsicle, Sanzu couldn’t help but noticed your tongue swirling on the tip, then trailed down at the length. When he cleared his throat, you looked up at him, realizing what you’ve done, thus behaving like a good girl.

• You and Sanzu talked until he said, “I know who you are. I did my research after my own live stream. You’re (y/n), the girl with good grades and reputation, never drink or do drugs, never had sex, even with your husband. Your husband won’t be home for a while; he’s out with his mistress. He always leaves early and arrives here later at night.”

• You staggered, licking your lips as you stare at Sanzu drinking and eating the sight of him like a popsicle. “How did you know?”

• Sanzu chuckled, trailing his fingers onto your skin. “I know my ways of knowing everybody. You’re aware of the organization that controls the area you’re living in right now. I kill traitors and cheaters alike. Sanzu, second commander in Bonten, to King Mikey.”

• You figured it was Bonten, the infamous group who tries to patrol every street and buildings. Living in a shelter is too much of getting your naïveté to grow.

• “Open yourself up to me, and I can show you ways of what it means to have a man inside you,” he coerced, lifting your leg inch by inch.

• With a comply, you let Sanzu ripped its way into you with his cock, rocking his hips as your couch creaked. Moaning, your arms strapped around his muscled body, breathing and moaning into his ears. Sanzu chuckled, kissing your neckline. “Hold onto me, kitty. It’s going to be a bumpy ride. Just for a record, I don’t have condom with me.”

• His efforts on making you feel satisfied, your needs of pleasure came soon to an end, but you don’t want it to end. Sanzu felt sadness in you, so he gave you his phone number. But since you don’t have a smartphone—restricted by your husband, he gave you his spare phone, and has another one in his other pocket. And within days, you and Sanzu talked, as if you guys have known each other for a long time. Each time you texted Sanzu, you feel elated as if single. But feeling guilty each time your husband’s footsteps came. Hiding your double life and a phone from Sanzu wasn’t easy. Your husband wanted to spend time with you, but you declined and said you’re heading out for shopping groceries and clothes, when all you did was fucking Sanzu in his penthouse.

• After months on spending each other’s company, you came back into your house and your husband beaten you almost to death, saying how unreliable and liar you are. The next day, you couldn’t face Sanzu, but Sanzu figured out your husband beaten you up to a point he ordered his men to kidnap your husband and kill him without remorse. After that, for a while you haven’t seen your husband, not that you care, of course, and Sanzu eventually came into your place, notifying you of your husband’s passing. You knew your husband’s dead, and delved into Sanzu’s arms, crying.

•Kissing at the top of your hair, Sanzu said, “You should move in with me. Pack your most valuable things and we can fuck each other as long as we like. I can treat you better than that man. You’re special to me, (y/n). And I don’t ever plan on letting you go. I’ve seen the way you lick the popsicle, and I can’t help but feel a little jealous.” Thus he unveiled his mask, and kissed onto your lips, with a following of slow and sensual fucking—no cameras and live stream involved. Your life is in content with Sanzu, and with Sanzu, your freedom has been granted more than ever.

• “Get down on your knees,” he said, gripping your hair softly. “I want you to lick me like a popsicle.”

[cowgurrrl]

Yo Gotti

Pairing: rockstar!joel miller x actress!reader

Author’s note: MOM JUNE’S BEING UNHINGED ON THE INTERNET AGAIN

Summary: You and Joel read thirst tweets together. Chaos ensues. [1.2k]

Warnings: internet speak, pregnancy, Joel Miller being a Wife Guy

"Hi, I'm Joel Miller," Joel says into one of the Buzzfeed cameras, and you smile as you introduce yourself. "And we are going to readin’ thirst trap tweets today. Both for ourselves and for us as a couple."

"It's gonna be weird," you laugh. "I wanted to do the puppy video, but Joel said no."

"If you weren't pregnant, we could do the puppy video." He says, resting a protective hand on your stomach. You're only twenty-one weeks, but you're way bigger than you were at this point with Sam which makes sense, considering there are two babies instead of one. Still, Joel has been overprotective, bordering on overbearing, as your pregnancy progresses, but you know it's because he loves you so much. Besides, the extra attention is kinda nice. The producer walks over with a bucket full of slips of paper, and Joel lets you choose the first one.

"The way I would let her redacted my redacted redacted," you laugh, and Joel peeks over your shoulder to see just how many 'redacted's there are, and he laughs too. "This is a pretty good one to start with." Joel picks one and immediately furrows his brows, mumbling the words under his breath.

"I don't think I get this one," he admits, and you laugh as you read it. It's a picture of his side profile from one of his music videos, the tweet reading, "What Doja Cat said." "How is that even dirty?" He asks, looking to you for an answer, and you take a deep breath to try and keep a straight face.

"Do you not know what they're talking about?"

"No," he says, and you laugh as you point at the camera.

"If your name is Sarah or Ellie Miller, click off this video now," you say before returning to him. "Doja Cat is a rapper, and she-"

"I know who Doja Cat is."

"Okay, sorry," you roll your eyes dramatically. "Anyways, she said in an interview once that she liked big noses because you can sit on them," you and Joel laugh loudly, a blush creeping up his neck, and you shake your head. "These are fucking unhinged. I love them."

Much of the interview goes that way, you read a few, and then Joel reads a few, and you laugh at them together. Joel doesn't understand a lot of the internet speak, which results in you having to explain it to him in terms he'll understand. You never thought you'd have to explain to your husband what the fuck someone means when they say he put his whole "Joelussy" into his most recent album, Between Oceans. One of them, in particular, makes you raise your eyebrows at him as you hide the paper from him.

"Are you ready for this one?" You ask.

"I don't know. Am I?"

"Say what you want about parasocial relationships, but Joel Miller being crowned Sexiest Man Alive and then him and his wife announcing they're pregnant with twins three months later is so important to me." You read, and he shrugs.

"Those two things are not related."

"Yes, they are." You say, and Joel gives you a look.

"No, they aren't." He doubles down, and you glance between him and the cameras. You bite back a comment about being pretty sure of when he impregnated you once again.

"Are you being serious right now?" You ask instead, and he laughs.

"There's no way!"

"Joel," you say, looking at him seriously like you're trying to transport your thoughts into his head, but he just stares at you. You laugh as you lean in, covering your mic, and whisper in his ear about the night of his cover reveal party back in November.

"Oh!" He yells, suddenly connecting the dots. "Okay, yeah. Those two things are related."

"Thanks, People Magazine!" You laugh as Joel suddenly sits up and points at the camera.

"Hey, if I never get awarded World's Sexiest Man Alive ever again, that's totally fine! No more!" He waves his arms in an X position, and you copy him.

"Yes, he's done! We're done!"

"Was this pregnancy a surprise?" The producer asks, and you rest a hand on your stomach out of habit.

"I mean…" you trail off, looking at Joel. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Sure, we can talk about it."

"We were talking about having one more baby, but we weren't going to plan anything, so we just kinda left it up to chance and…"

"We thought four was a good number." Joel finishes for you, and you nod.

"And hey, guess what's a better number than four?"

"Five," you and Joel say in unison.

"Do you know if you're having fraternal or identical twins?" The producer asks, and Joel looks at you to see if you want to answer.

"They're identical." You say, running a hand over the expanse of your belly, and all the people on set clap. You smile and thank them before diving into the rest of the thirst tweets.

"Well, that was…" Joel tries to find the words as you get to the bottom of the bucket. "Certainly somethin'."

"Joel is famously oblivious to how handsome he is, so I'm glad we could force him to see just how many people, besides me, think he's cute."

"They thought I was more than cute," Joel says, smirking and leaning back in his chair. "What was it that one person said about my nose?"

"Okay, you're done!"

"No, I seriously don't remember. Can you remind me?" You immediately recognize the flirty tone in his voice and playfully shove his face away from you so you can hide the blush on your cheeks. "Do y'all see how she treats me?" Joel laments, and you laugh.

"Oh, you're obviously very neglected."

"I'm just sayin' what the audience is clearly thinkin'," he shrugs. "We should kiss just to put their minds at ease."

"You're worried about the audience's minds now?" You ask, and he hums, already leaning in. You give him a look but kiss him anyways. Six years of marriage and three kids later, and he still makes you feel butterflies in your stomach. You sign off by promoting each of your newest projects and thanking Buzzfeed for the opportunity.

"Do you think more celebrity couples should read thirst tweets together?" The producer asks.

"I don't know if there are any celebrity couples that are as cool as we are," Joel says before you can say anything, and you laugh.

"That's true. We are pretty cool though our kids might disagree."

"They're pretty cool, too," Joel says, and you nod. With that, you wrap and thank the crew for everything.

The day the video goes up, it goes viral with people screaming about Joel's reactions, your laughs, and the People Magazine story. But the thing that they get the most excited about is seeing you two interact. You see one post that says, "This video might as well be called Joel Miller being in love with his wife for six minutes straight," with a picture of you two kissing attached. Joel, never one to shy away from a challenge, posts one of the first pictures of you and him not taken by paparazzi but by him. You're at the beach with your back to his chest, resting between his legs as you two sit in the sand, and his lips are pressed to your temple. In the caption, he writes, "In love with you then. In love with you today. In love with you tomorrow."

Instagram breaks within the hour.

[omgitstatertot]

I see videos where celebs read tweets about themselves and I just-

Imagine dating Bakugou, the both of you working side by side at his self run agency and a TV show asks for the two of you to come onto a NFSW episode on their show where the two of you will be reading thirst posts about yourselves together-

You accepted the request happily and basically bullied him into doing it with you (The nudge from your PR manager helped a bit, but it was mostly you.)

So here you sat, scrolling through screenshots upon screenshots of thirst posts and responding to them aloud with a sly smile, and the occasional flex from Katsuki that he has in fact been "stepped on" by you as so many posts have begged you to do, when all of a sudden he reads off a very familiar username.

"This ones by 'Dyn@mite$€umDump47' and says-"

He's quickly interrupted by a surprised yelp from you as you snatch the tablet from his hand. "NO!" Everyone on set looks at you and you can feel your entire face heat up as you clear your throat. "I-I mean- We uhm, we dont need to read this one..."

You can practically hear the smirk in his tone as your boyfriend reaches across the couch to try and take it back from you. "Why not princess? Was this one you?"

"No-" Quickly moving the tablet out of his reach you frown at him. "You just dont need to read it."

"So it was you?"

"Was not!"

"That's fine- I'll get it out of you eventually Doll..-"

"Theres no need!" The host spoke up and you both looked up to the screen on the wall to see the tweet plastered on the screen. "It says, 'Thinking about being absolutely manhandled by ProHero Dynamite and letting him wrap his big ass hand around my throat until he has me seeing stars' followed by a bunch of hearts and- Oh? The next screenshot was a retweet by the same original poster that adds on 'But also thinking about sitting him down after a long day out in the field and overstimulating him until his thighs are shaking and hes crying, begging me to slow down'."

Katsuki is silent beside you as you let out an embarrassed squeak and hide behind the tablet in your hands, making no effort to defend yourself anymore because- How are you supposed to defend yourself from that on live TV?

You finally feel him shift beside you at the same time you work up the courage to lower the tablet so you can see only to find him leaning closer to you with a smirk.

"Katsuki please-"

"Didn't know you felt that way Doll- Coulda told me, yeah?"

"Oh my god- Katsuki!" Theres a whine to your tone as you shove the tablet into his chest. "Shut up! It was before I met you ok-"

"And yet you sti-"

"Katsuki!"

[httpknjoon]

reading thirst tweets | ksj

plot | You and Jin read thirst tweets to each other.

words | 1739

genres | humor/crack, barely fluff, actors!au

pairing | actor!jin x famous!reader

warning | language, suggestive theme

disclaimer | usernames used in the fic are all fictional.

note | a random thought while on my midterm break. have fun reading, loves.

main masterlist | drabble series

“Hi! I’m Jin.” you began, raising a hand.

And Jin, who sat next to you, raised his hand too, “And I’m Y/N. We’re here at Buzzfeed…”

“...to read some thirst tweets.” you raised your eyebrows up and down while squinting at the camera.

“With a twist!” Jin exclaimed.

“What’s the twist?” you asked turning to the producers, who were off-screen.

You and Jin have nothing to promote for this event. Jin was just announced to be cast in a limited series days ago while you just finished a press junket for your latest movie a month ago. But out of big demand, you two were invited to do this segment. Hailey lets you decide on your own since you’re doing it with Jin anyway. 

Normally, as your manager, she would scan through everything you will do for the press like interviews. She would advise you on what to do and don’t. But since this one is with Jin and you two already did a lot of clutter together, Hailey just gave up and made you choose to go or not. Of course, you accepted the invitation. 

You and Jin sat there side by side, listening to their instructions. “You two will read thirst tweets for one another and say it while looking directly at each others’ eyes.”

“So, it’s like a chemistry test…” you mumbled.

Jin nodded and winked at the camera while pointing finger guns, “But steamier…”

“Also, the one who has the less reaction at the end of the video wins.” the producer added.

Before the reading began, you two were asked to turn your chairs and sit in front of one another. There is a safe two feet of distance between you. There is also a wooden stool on the side, where the bucket of tweets sat. You see Jin smirking as you two sat on your seats. He seemed pretty confident with this and you feel excited. You don’t really read anything about yourself on Twitter since it can be terrifying. So, hopefully, this will be fun. It’s just thirst tweets. You’ve seen videos of your other colleagues doing it and it’s embarrassing and funny at the same time.

“Okay, who’s going first?” you asked.

Jin handed you the bucket, “Ladies first.”

“Oh, thank you, Jinnie.” you chuckled.

As soon as you ran your eyes to the small piece of paper, you had to stop yourself from laughing. Jin crossed his arms over his chest, internally excited based on your reactions.

“Thank God Jin isn’t a real vampire because what if I start moaning while he’s sucking the life out of me?!”

Instead of being flushed, Jin laughed hard. His wide shoulders shook. He heard theories about him being a vampire. Simply because, they said, he doesn’t seem to get older after years of being in the spotlight. People on the internet always compare his pictures from a decade ago to his recent ones.

“Who said Jin isn’t a real vampire?” you turned to the camera. “I thought I already proved that he is one of them. I have the video, right? Plus, this is an old man right here. I swear, he is three thousand and ninety-two years old.”

Jin shook his head, “No, what happened in that video was an attack. And again, I’m just three years older than you. Quit calling me old man.”

“Still old.” you scoffed, rolling your eyes.

The video that you two were referencing was the one you posted around last year’s Halloween. In the clip, you, who’s recording, were running after Jin while throwing cloves of garlic in his direction. You screamed behind him, “I know that you’re a vampire! Admit it!”. It was a chaotic scenario that you captioned: pov you’re trying to kill some vampire in your backyard.

“Whatever. Okay, I’m next.” Jin reached for a tweet. He didn’t give off any reaction when he read it to himself at first. Then, he turned to you before reciting the tweet with more emotions, “Y/N is a goddess, a queen, and a legend. She’s the fucking icon that this world needs. She is the most beautiful human ever. Goodbye.”

While he was saying those words, you mirrored Jin’s expressions exaggeratedly. It was obvious that you were just playing along as you stared at him with dazed eyes, even putting your hand on your chest. Like you have fallen in love.

When he was done repeating it, you gasped, “That’s not a thirst tweet! That’s too sweet and kind. Thank you so much to whoever tweeted that.”

You blew a kiss on the camera. You picked another tweet and your eyes instantly widened as you read it quietly. It made Jin wonder what was in there.

“Now, this is thirst!” you exclaimed. You turned to your leading man, “Oh, man. You’re going to lose at this… This is a message for Jin. If you're reading this, please know that I would love to have your hand as a necklace, sir. Hashtag choke me sir.”

Jin tried not to react. But he could feel the heat rising in his body out of embarrassment. He knows that you are aware of how easily he can be shy about things. Especially with this. He read worse in his posts’ comment section. But this type of aggressive review from people never fails to make his cheeks blush.

“Any thoughts on that, sir?” you stressed on the nickname, trying to stifle a laugh as you look at him.

He shook his head, “Just– No… I would prefer using my hand to give a high five to you all.”

He smiled at your giggle at his answer. He rolled up the sleeves of his sweater before fishing for another piece of paper. His eyes lightened up when he read it.

“Oh my god. Y/N could strangle me with that Versace gown and I would still say thank you.” he repeated.

“Honey, that’s murder,” you replied with concern. “I would not strangle anyone. That’s unnecessary. I don’t think I’m into strangling anyone.”

Jin held back a laugh as you said the last sentence like a slow realization. You raised an eyebrow at him, “Why are you laughing? Are you into choking anyone?”

Your question obviously had some suggestive theme. But you asked with an innocent expression. Jin can already feel the stress from both of your PR managers with this video.

“No. No, I am not.” Jin replied.

“That’s good to know. You got me a little worried there, buddy.” you winked and gave a pat on his shoulder before getting another tweet. “Imagine getting paid to kiss Kim Seokjin and his pretty lips, how does it feel to be in heaven?”

Jin was ready to reply, “Well–”

“Ah, based on my experience, as someone who had down thousand of movies with Mr. Kim Seokjin, heaven tasted like a tuna-mayo sandwich.” you cut him off with a matter-of-fact tone.

He gasped dramatically, “What? I don’t eat anything before any kissing scene. You’re the one who always eats the most disgusting meal before our kissing scenes.”

“Shhh! Stop with the lies, liar. It’s fine. I understand that you have a big heart for tuna-mayo sandwiches.” you shut him off.

“For the record, I am a very hygienic person.” 

The camera zoomed to Jin as he explained himself. Just like how the camera would point at Jim in The Office. There are just few papers left. 

“This was a reply on one of your tweets. Ready?” he began as he reads the tweet quietly with his eyes.

“Sure.”

“Why? Why would anyone tweet this?!” he suddenly complained, sounding embarrassed and annoyed at the same time. “Do people really call you this?”

You laughed even though you don’t know what he was talking about, “I won’t know if you won’t read it!  Just go, Jinnie.”

After letting out a big sigh, he cleared his throat before reading, “Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry. Oh, excuse me! Mommy? Sorry.”

Jin’s ears were already red as tomatoes when he finished saying that. He never called anyone mommy even his mom, who simply called as mom or ma. He never planned on calling anyone it, especially you. 

“Ah, yes, my lovely children from Twitter.” you reacted so calmly like the term was already normal to you. “I’m so sorry, kids. I think only Francheskat can call me that.”

There was still a last piece of tweet in the small bucket. Jin was supposed to read it. But based on his head hanging low, an effort to hide his still-flustered face, you made a decision to just do it.

“Okay since Jin right here cannot read anymore, I’ll take this last one.” you winked at the camera while Jin turned his head up to wordlessly read it with you. “I want someone to look at me the way Y/N and Jin look at each other.”

After that, you and Jin slowly looked at each other. You were smiling like an idiot as you know that you already won in this game. While Jim playfully glared at you. It was a cute and childish interaction. Still, everyone in the room cannot deny the chemistry between the two actors. Everyone was in awe before you broke eye contact.

“Oh my god, Jin. Look at your ears!” you pointed out, giggling. “Someone give him a glass of water!”

The video reached a million views in less that eight hours. The comments were filled not just by your massive and active fans but also, the general audience.

MoonlightBaby  2 hours ago

This video made me look up for that vampire video

Kim SeokjinFan  7 hours ago

poor jinnie 🤣 i always love their chaotic energy

YNJIN1208  1 hour ago

OMG DID SHE CALLED HIM BABY?????

▼ 1 reply

Levi  5 minutes ago

I think she said buddy.

natalia r.  5 hours ago

not a fan here, can someone tell me these two are dating. I mean, they gotta be dating!!

▼2 replies

catladyfan 5 hours ago

no one knows 😭😭😭

cornelia street  3 hours ago

it will be a mystery forever

Penelope P.  8 hours ago 

I don’t think these two will agree on doing this without each other HAHAHA

Harry’sHouse  4 hours ago 

not y/n implying that jin have a choking kink 💀

being a fangirl  2 hours ago

y/n really enjoyed calling him sir for a whole minute there...

taglist rules

THE A-LISTERS TAGLIST

@seolaquotes @fatimaaaaa129 @bangtannieshope @jub-jub @yoontaethings @kissme-ornot @sleepy-daydreams @veronawrites @cuteipat @ratherbefangirling @babystarcandy-gcf @akirawhore @alpacaparkaseok @rjsmochii @prlan @lovesickbangtan @zealouslightcookiebasketball @rapmonie2047 @btsiguess-kpop @angelarin @walkinganxiety0 @tpwk-280 @mediumcatt @bloopkook

PERMANENT TAGLIST

@dunixxd @cixrosie​ @moonchild1 ​ @jksjx​ @embrace-themagic ​ @buttvi​  @starbtslove​  @missseoulite @vanntaesworld @barbiekatz

[partyanimal167]

One Piece Men React to Tiktok Comments

I need y'all to know that people see what you comment online...some of y'all need Jesus. Haha, I read the comments of videos and I literally cry laughing. I'll save them to reread more than watching the vid.

This reminds me of Celebrity Thirst Tweets, so let's just imagine I got everyone in a studio to do this. Thanks for reading!

CW: suggestive, comedy attempt, MDNI

MOMMY??? MAMA? MOM? PLEASE!!

Sir Crocodile: ....I am a man.

Law: Excuse me!?

Until my uterus bleeds

Zoro: Oh damn...

Until the print shapes it

Zoro: *chuckles evilly*

I'm just a hole

Sanji *chokes on cigarette smoke* No my sweet! You are so much more than that. I'll show you

On my knees

Sir Crocodile: Heh, that's not a bad look actually

He so fine. I need to touch some grass fr

Law: I think you would need a little more than that

Luffy: Huh? What are we gonna do outside? (Clueless)

She ain't purring down there. This bitch barking!!!

Law *blushing mad hard* Ple-please control yourself.

Oh he's so babygirl

Sanji: I-, I'll be anything!

Zoro: What?

Law: ...don't call me that.

Oh my, where did my clothes suddenly go?

Kid: Hehe, you won't need them any way.

Killer *blushing behind mask, thanks god for it*

~~~

Okay I'll stop there. This was for the lols. Thanks for stopping by. I hope you enjoyed.

Bonus:

Damn, Zoro is so lucky

Sanji: ....what do you mean by that? Huh? WHAT DO YOU MEAN!?

[brakingpoint]

Adding onto the point you made about rpf and I just wanna mention the video that Mercedes released of George reacting to his 'meme' scenes and imo you can clearly tell that at one point he was just so uncomfortable? And how that is not okay because at the end of the day thay are the ones providing the content and if they all are made to feel like that, than i wouldn't be suprised if they just stopped sharing personal stuff?

i checked this video out after seeing this ask and it was certainly just... a choice to have him react to one girl's extended tiktok that was just thirsting over his photoshoot. like it wasn't actually a "meme" there was no real humour to it there was nothing for him to really say about it (which i think at least partially contributes to his awkwardness in that section)... like the person who made that tiktok is in the comments and she's chill about it seemingly but it's such a weird decision. i know "celebrities read thirst tweets" has been a thing for years but that's normally quick, snappy, slightly absurd statements that actually are funny enough to get a reaction, plus they usually blur out the author's handle & photo and often their display name too. to just make you look at one young woman's actual face and listen to her actual voice for a minute straight as she talks (fairly blandly, no offence to this woman, she was just trying to generically thirst in peace i presume) about how good you look in a photoshoot is just... so strange and i can't figure out what the person who planned that video thought the appeal of that section would be or what george would possibly have to say about it?

imo that definitely comes into the same category as admins using ship names etc in that they're taking things that are definitely intended for intra-community conversation and, because in the current age of social media (and especially on hyper-algorithmic platforms like tiktok) fan spaces and official spaces are exactly the same thing, decide that they can get more attention from the younger fangirl [theoretically gender neutral, though i'd guarantee marketing teams aren't viewing it that way] demographic by acknowledging them and leaning into the lack of separation between church and state (blorbocedes, 2023).

then people who are new to fandom & don't know the etiquette, especially in rpf fandoms, think - quite understandably, if this is the way admins are acting - oh cool, well in that case it's okay and normal for me to talk about ships/thirst/my y/n fantasies to the drivers and teams, and if that gets engagement the admins will continue blurring those lines and pandering to the shipper demographic as far as they can without actually getting into inappropriate territory, and this will make the existence of the rpf side of f1 fandom even more noticeable & something of a curiosity attraction to other types of fan. and as has already been discussed all this almost certainly won't lead to a "George and Lewis Read Your Fanfictions" video posted by mercedes-amg petronas f1 team's official youtube channel. but it could more realistically lead to one of like lando or max's mates namedropping everything changes or whatever in a twitch stream as a gag. which, i must stress, we also do not want

really tl;dr i guess it's. as people have been saying, a lot of the drivers are probably aware that rpf (slash fics or x reader) exists. we live in a post-larry world after all. but that does not mean they need to be privy to the details or have it shoved in their faces or have open discussion around it encouraged by their own social media teams

[kittenwalker]

I had the idea of evan and actress reader reading tons of thirst tweets together. Just saw a lot of videos and thoughy it would be nice with evan too omg. You can chose if you wanna write with both or not.

notes : this is very short and shitty but I had a hard time writing the speech and actions together so like yea just a little blurb :) Also evan and reader are just best friends. Enjoyyy

“ Alright ready? “ the producer asked. Y/n looked in the mirror and touched up her hair a bit before nodding her head. “ Okay action! “ The cameras started rolling as Evan introduced himself first. “ Hey Buzzfeed, I’m Evan Peters with the lovely Y/n Y/l/n and today is another ungodly episode of thirst tweets. These are actually going to traumatise me. “ He laughed and slid a hand over his face. “ Don’t worry you’re not alone “ Y/n patted his back, both of them making sad pouting faces. 

“ Oh don’t make them think we kidnapped you here and forced you two to do this! “ One of the crew members shouted from behind, making everyone burst out laughing, lighting up the atmosphere. Both the actors pulled out their phones and clicked into twitter, the horrifying and chaotic app. “ Alright shall I do the honours of doing the first one? “ Y/n asked Evan. “ Yes please, I don’t think I’m ready. “ Evan took a deep breath in and heavily blew it out, making you chuckle.

“ Whenever I see Y/n on screen I can only think of letting her sit on my face and me eating the fuck out of her. “ Her eyes were widening as she was reading it. “ Woah already on a great start here Y/n “ Evan gave a funny worried look. “ Yea uhm, well I appreciate being on your mind and hope I taste good in your dreams? “  She shrugged and made an uncertain expression. Seeing that Y/n didn’t have anything left to say, Evan started with his first tweet.

“ When I stumble along a video of Evan, my vibrator suddenly appears in my hand and bussy is purring. “ Evan laughed out loud and shook his head in disapproval. “ God these people on twitter need to be controlled! I’m disappointed in you people on this app. “ Evan put a hand on his chest and acted like a disapproving dad, making Y/n playfully hit his shoulder and laugh at him. Them grinning at each other brightly, “ Okay my turn, this is funner than I thought kinda disturbing but that’s the twist to it. Alright next one, Y/n seems like a great person to have a smoke with while watching a sunset, making out with her till the dusk takes over the sky. “ 

“ Aww, that’s actually really cute and should’ve been the first one I started out with. Well if you have time we can go have a smoke together, I’m free tomorrow in fact. “ Y/n joked, making a hand into a phone and putting it to her ear, mouthing the words ‘ hook me up ‘ with her wiggling her eyebrows. “ Don’t worry about her people, she’s just desperate for friends, she’s a loner. “ Evan used his large hand and covered Y/n’s face. “ Hey! I choose to be alone sometimes okay “ She scolded Evan, smacking his hand away. He put up his hands in defeat and cackled, “ I trust you, but remember when you’re lonely I’m here to cure it “ Evan placed his hands onto her hand and puckered up his lips while smiling. 

“ Yea yea yea, read your next one big boy “ Y/n gestured to his phone. Evan focused his gaze back onto his phone and scrolled to the next tweet. “ I would like for Evan to push me against the wall with his hand around my neck, choking me, then smashes his lips against mine and we have a very heated make-out. “ Hearing him read out his tweet, Y/n almost spat out her water. She was shocked, who knew the internet was so wild and brave to say such things. “ Bravo you’ve got your first nasty one that WILL haunt your dreams tonight. “ Evan just stared at his phone disgustingly, poor man is disturbed. 

“ Well firstly, I’m traumatised. Secondly, I would never choke anyone because I am not a sadist myself and wish to not hurt anyone. “ Evan placed his phone faced downwards and wiped imaginary sweat off his forehead. “ Yea guys don’t misunderstand that he’s a sadist, because he’s actually a secret masochi- '' “ Guys please don’t listen to this little girl she doesn't know anything that’s coming out of her mouth. “ Evan interrupted her by putting a hand over her mouth. Taking this as an opportunity, Y/n pinched him arm away, making Evan wince. 

“ See everyone! I just got it on black and white that Evan enjoys painnn. “ Not giving a single second for Evan to respond, Y/n moved on to her last tweet. “ Okay last one, let’s get a juicy one. Ah this one, I’m literally so gay for Y/n I wish I could make her feel so good. “  Oh did Y/n love having an effect on both genders. “ Well my fellow, sorry to break this to you but Miss Y/l/n sexuality isn’t colourful. “ Evan said while still soothing his pinched skin. “ Welllll you’re wrong, I actually don’t have a label so you freaky fellows still have chances. “ Y/n smirked while squinting her brows together. 

“ Omg you’re saying I have a chance too!? “ Evan dramatically gasped while flicking his wrist. “ Nahh you’re just my best friend “ Y/n wrapped her arms around his shoulders while smushing him closer to her. “ Way to go for friendzoning me “ Evan mumbled into her hair as he pretended to cry. “ Your welcome, now read your last tweet crybaby I can’t handle this suffering any longer “ Picking back up his phone he read the last and final tweet to end this pain.

“ I wish Evan Peters could smash a laptop on my tits right now, oh come onnn. Why is it always violence? “ Evan sighed. “ Oh well at least it’s over, now put down that phone and delete that app later. You're too sweet for it. “ Y/n suggested as she funnily pushed off his phone patted his head, acting like his mum.

“ WELL uhm that’s it for today’s disturbing thirst tweet, uhm buzzfeed please never invite us again though it was our pleasure to be here.” Evan unexpectedly shouted his sentence, making Y/n jump and her making a ‘ are you crazy ‘ face. “ Yes thank god let’s please wrap this up but also don’t forget to watch our latest movie American Animals streaming on netflix and hulu. “

Y/n was so glad to wrap this up because all she learned today was that she made the right choice of not being on the internet.

[shifterdomain]

Reading Thirst Tweets / Jonah Hauer-King X Actress!Reader

A/N: So, I’m kind of obsessed with watching these type of videos and I thought I’d just combine it with my love for this beautiful man and wait for Buzzfeed to realize it’s what the people want. I actually found the tweets by looking up thirst tweets on Twitter, but I can't really remember by who they were, so please let me know if you know.

Summary: You had wrapped the project you and Jonah had been working on for the past year and a half and now you are invited by Buzzfeed to come and read the Thirst Tweets they picked out for the both of you. Warnings: Thirst tweets, obviously. Including some innuendo's. Word count: 925.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

You and Jonah were sat down in the studio that belonged to Buzzfeed, a blue screen behind you guys as you both giggled nervously, anxious to know just what people had been writing about the two of you on Twitter. You shifted in your seat, two buckets sat on the table in front of you guys that contained the small pieces of paper with the thirst tweets.

Once the camera was set you were given the signal, smiling into the camera as you introduced yourself first. “I’m Y/N Y/L/N.”

“And I’m Jonah Hauer-King,” Jonah chimed in. “and today we are reading your thirst tweets.”

Jonah dove his hand in first, pulling out a piece of paper that contained a thirst tweet about you. You had both, with approval of the studio, decided that it would be fun if you actually read each other’s.

“’Y/N Y/L/N is so fine, in this essay I will-’ and then it stops,” Jonah reads, putting the paper aside. “See, I never got the hype with the whole ‘in this essay I will’ meme.”

“It’s a Gen Z thing, you’re just too old,” you joked teasingly, earning a bitch face from Jonah, which, quite frankly, looked more adorable than anything else. “Don’t stress it, babe.”

He rolls his eyes as you call him that, but you could tell that he was feeling a little anxious about hearing what people were saying about him. His cheeks turning a crimson color as you smirked mischievously, scrabbling through the papers before picking one out and reading it to yourself first. You couldn’t help but laugh before you started reading it aloud in a playfully seductive way. “’oh jonah hauer-king baldheaded? that will make your pussy throb’, and then a woozy face emoji and three weary face emojis,” I said, looking back at Jonah as he had his face buried in his hands, trying to keep from laughing too hard as he hid his slowly darkening blush.

“That’s… wow,” he laughed lightly, shaking his head slowly. Inhaling sharply he puffed his chest, getting ready for whatever more was to come as he dug his hand into the bucket again, pulling out another note. “This is in all caps,” he stated. “’HOLY MAMA Y/N Y/L/N IS SO FUCKING FINE. PLEASE MOMMY’.”

“Ahw, thank you,” you reply sweetly, smiling at the camera.

Jonah raises his eyebrows at you. “You like that nickname?” he questions with a teasing undertone in his voice.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” you grin back, diving your hand into the bucket before he could ask anything else, pulling out another piece of paper. This one was a little bigger, so you had to fold it open, revealing not just a quote, but also a picture from Jonah’s Instagram. “‘I wasn’t going to see the movie at first, but that bulge is definitely gonna bring people to see The Little Mermaid.’” you read aloud, nodding your head as you put the paper down. “See, you should definitely go to see the movie. It’s a great movie and there’s a lot of scenes where you see his abs too.”

Jonah blushes deeply again, causing you to chuckle lightly. It was pretty easy to get him flustered with compliments about how he looked as he could sometimes still get self-conscious, something you, together with most of his fans, couldn’t really understand the reason of as he was surely a very good-looking guy.

You moved on through the notes, sharing a lot of laughter and a lot of blushes as between the milder tweets there were some that were very much unhinged and creative, rendering the both of you speechless in some occasions.

“‘god i NEED jonah hauer-king on top of me, like bad, it’s not even funny anymore 🥴🥴’,” you continued, reading one of the last few tweets. “Let me tell you, it feels good,” you joke, not bothering to explain the scenario. Jonah simply looked at you and grinned, leaning in to press a quick peck to your cheek, knowing that that mere moment would send the fans into a frenzy.

You continued reading the last tweets in the bucket.

“‘Y/N Y/L/N can slap me, spit in my mouth and run me over and I’d say thank you’,” Jonah read aloud. “Oh, wait, this is mine,” he jokes, shaking his head as he takes a second look at the picture that was posted with it. It was a picture he took during the first week of rehearsals and posted on his Instagram. He folded the picture and stuffed it in his jean pocket, making you burst out laughing as you clapped while doing so. Shaking your head in disbelief before dropping your head on his shoulder.

After a moment of catching your breath you dove in for the last piece of paper. “‘if a woman tells you you have “nice hands” she is doing everything in her power not to fuck you senseless please release her from her torment her friends are receiving the kinds of messages someone in prison would send and with that said i would like to let you know that jonah hauer-king has very nice hands’.”

I looked back at Jonah as he placed his hands flatly on the table, looking down at them intently. “I think my hands look fairly normal,” he stated simply, tilting his head slightly to the side as he examined his own hands.

“You have very nice hands, Jo,” you quipped before looking back into the camera with a wink and adding: “and very large too.”

[oliverreedmasterass]

GVF Read Thirst Tweets crackfic?

Thirst Tweets

Notes: an INSANELY MASSIVE THANK YOU to @jmkho for the thirst tweets and username suggestions - your ability to churn these out was super impressive

Words: 2k

Warnings: language, mildly sexual content

“Hey, we are Greta Van Fleet,” the band said in unison in front of the camera, Jake and Josh perched on stools and Danny and Sam standing behind them. 

“And today,” Sam took over, “we’re here with Buzzfeed to read some thirst tweets.” 

“What the hell is a thirst tweet?” Josh turned around to ask Danny. 

“Oh boy, you’re in for a surprise,” Danny shook his head at him. 

“I’m afraid,” Josh announced to the camera. 

One of the set PAs leaned over to hand Jake the large big gulp mug filled to the brim with folded pieces of paper. 

“Oh, thank you,” he told the woman, “How did you know I was feeling parched?” 

Sam turned around and grabbed the cup from Jake, which left him with a large pout. 

“I want to start,” Sam declared. He shoved his hand into the cup to retrieve a slip of paper and took his sweet time unfolding it while the rest of the band watched. With the paper finally open, he cleared his throat and pretended to adjust a pair of glasses on the bridge of his nose. 

“This is from brokenballs_gvf. Josh Kiszka is the most perfect human ever. I love him so much.” Sam took a break to look up at the camera. “Aw, that’s nice.” 

In front of him, Josh put a hand over his heart. 

“I like thirst tweets.”

“Oh, there’s a bit more,” Sam commented as he looked back down at the paper. “I wish I could rub his nipples and lick cheese off his butt.” 

“Wow, we’re diving straight into the deep end,” Danny said, his eyes wide and face pale.

Josh whirled around and snatched the paper from Sam, quickly scanning over it with eyes like saucers. His face grew progressively more red as it dawned on him that what Sam had read aloud was actually real. 

“What the fuck?” he whispered. “Cheese on my butt?  Why would that be there?” 

“That tweet is only acceptable if we get confirmation on what kind of cheese Josh is putting back there,” Jake decided. “I’ll accept brie, but anything sliced is off the table.” 

“Are all of these tweets like that?” Josh asked Sam, looking beyond confused. “Kind but troubling?” 

Before Sam could answer, Josh grabbed his own slip of paper and read it over, stopped with a deep frown, and then read it again. 

“You have to read it aloud,” Sam leaned into Josh’s side. “The people need to know. Speak the truth, brother.”  

“Jake Kiszka is built like a Pixar mom?” Josh spoke directly into the camera. Behind him, Danny let out a loud snort. “I don’t get it,” Josh looked around at his bandmates. “Is that a bad thing? What’s a Pixar mom?” Jake took the slip of paper from Josh and skimmed it over. 

“It means I have a fat ass, Josh,” Jake told him, and then looked towards the camera, his face slightly flushed. “Thank you for that one, jakeslefttit1996. I’ve worked hard for my cake, and I’ll leave it at that.” 

“Jake’s cakes, get that on a shirt,” Sam pointed at the camera. 

“Let me read one,” Danny spoke up, pulling the big gulp mug away from Josh, who still looked to be in a daze, like he wasn’t grasping a single ounce of reality. While Danny uncurled his piece of paper, he shot Sam a goofy grin. “This takes me back to our Addressing Your Questions and Concerns video when I was ripping all those papers.” 

“We should have handcuffed ourselves together again,” Sam faked a pout. 

“Wait, so, when they say Pixar mom, do they mean like Mrs. Incredible?” Josh asked. Danny ignored him and looked down at the paper. 

“Here goes nothing,” he said, bracing himself for the worst. “This is from whenthepantiesfall. Wow, this is gonna be one hell of a tweet. Okay, uh, Sam Kiszka, slap me like you slap your bass. On my face or ass…I don’t care which.” 

Sam’s face was blank as he tried to process the words that had just come out of his best friend’s mouth. Jake, Josh, and Danny all turned to face Sam since he was uncharacteristically silent, and took note that he looked like his brain was rebooting. Danny snapped his fingers in front of his face a few times and gave Sam a firm shake. Sam jerked back to life and grabbed the cup from Danny. 

“Let’s read another one.” 

“Hey!” Jake barked, “it’s my turn.” 

Sam tossed the big gulp mug at his older brother and then shook his head as if trying to erase the previously read thirst tweet from his mind. Jake took his sweet time swirling his hand around the mug, trying to retrieve the perfect piece of paper, and finally selected one with a loud “aha!” 

“I hope this one breaks Sam again,” he said with a wide grin. “Danny_wags_right_elbow says, I want to gnaw on Danny Wagner’s huge ass hands like they’re a big old renaissance faire turkey thigh.” 

“Cannibalism?” Josh’s head was cocked far to the side. “Our fans are into that?” 

“They’re just horny, Josh,” Danny sighed. “They don’t actually want to eat me.” 

“Well…” Sam snapped back to life so he could beg to differ. Danny shook his head at him, which stopped Sam from saying anything more. Jake was looking back and forth between the slip of paper and Danny’s hands, nodding his head as if he understood where danny_wags_right_elbow was coming from. 

“But why would anyone put this online? They do know that other people see this, right?” Josh asked around. 

Sam disregarded Josh’s questions and accepted a slip of paper that Jake was holding out to him. 

“I think you’ll appreciate this one, Josh,” Jake told his brother. 

“I want Josh Kiszka to rearrange my chakras…” Sam read.

“Okay, that’s normal and I respect that,” Josh nodded back at Sam. 

“...And my organs,” Sam finished the thirst tweet. 

Josh immediately grabbed his head in his hands with a groan and leaned forward so he was curled in a ball on his stool. Jake let out a chortle and gave Josh’s back a few hefty pats. 

“There, there, the thirst tweets won’t hurt you,” Jake cooed. 

“Everything you post online is permanent,” Josh groaned into his hands. “Who is saying this to me? Do I know them?” 

“Do you know anyone called ageof_rattail69?” Sam asked Josh. 

“Who are these people?” Josh moaned. 

“Our adoring fans, of course,” Danny poked fun. “This is just how they express their admiration for us. Sure, it’s a bit unconventional, but I think it’s touching.” 

“You should read this one, Josh,” Jake told his brother as he wiggled one of the papers in front of Josh’s head. Josh looked like that was the last thing he wanted to do, but curiosity got the better of him as he looked up and cautiously grabbed the paper. 

He stared down at the text and read loudly, “I want Josh Kiszka to [redacted] [redacted] me in my [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] then he can [redacted] [redacted] upside down [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] and use his hand to [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] and then punch my [redacted] [redacted].”

As Josh released a line of expletives not meant for the innocent ear, Jake and Danny were in tears. Sam, on the other hand, looked beyond disturbed and was simply staring directly into the camera, shaking his head. 

“Modern day poetry!” Jake cackled. “Shakespeare wishes he could write something as good as that!” 

Beside him, Josh started clawing at his tongue. 

“Why did our manager sign us up for this shit?” he whispered to Danny, who shrugged in return. “This is atrocious.” 

“Lighten up,” Danny told him. “This is meant to be funny. See?” 

Danny grabbed another paper. 

“Yewhadme says, hey Danny Wagner, I know a place with holes where you can have fun that isn’t a golf course.” 

“Jesus Christ,” Sam coughed. 

“Oh, that’s a good one,” Jake commented. “Whoever wrote that one is brilliant.” 

“Maybe that was a bad example,” Danny murmured as he scrunched the piece of paper into a ball and tossed it over his shoulder. “Let me try another one. Erm, Daniel Jean Louise Marie Wagner-”

“Who?” Josh cut in. 

“I, uh, think that’s what the fans call me from time to time,” Danny softly explained. 

“But that’s not your name,” Josh stared blankly back at him. 

“You’re having a hard time today,” Sam took his turn to pat Josh on the back. Josh, in return, furrowed his brow and seemed to be thinking hard about a laundry list of things. 

“Daniel Jean Louise Marie Wagner,” Danny repeated himself, “please bend me over a desk and ram - ooh, I don’t think I should finish that one. I mean, that could be arranged later, @playbarbs,” he said with a wink. “But still, damn.” 

Sam shook his head at his friend in awe. 

“We’ve hardly read any tweets about me,” Jake realized with a deep frown. “Am I not sexy enough?” 

“There has to be another one in there,”  Danny assured Jake. “We can do a speed round before we find one of yours.”

“This is gonna drive me over the edge,” Josh warned them. “I don’t know how much more of this I can take.” 

“Josh Kiszka, play me like a harmonica,” Danny read. Josh’s eyes bugged out. 

“I love Sam Kiszka but my god, going barefoot in the street is cursed. I’d still let him hit it though,” Jake went next. 

“I like to air them out, there’s nothing wrong with that,” Sam tried to defend himself. 

“No need to get upset, it doesn’t sound like it’s a deal breaker,” Danny nudged him in the side with a grin. He held a paper up to Sam, who snatched it away from him. 

“Danny Wagner is sculpted like a Greek god. Send tweet.” 

“That’s actually a good one,” Josh chimed in. “I agree with that.” 

“I found one!” Jake called out in triumph. “I want to be absolutely wrecked by Jake Kiszka.” Jake popped the collar on his button-up shirt a bit and stood to his feet so he could slowly approach the camera with a lustful stare. “I’d wreck you like a ship out on the stormy seas any day, baby.” Even though the cameraman motioned for him to back up, Jake moved to the lens and planted a large, juicy smooch on it. 

“Blegh,” Josh groaned from behind him. “Quit spreading your cooties, Jake.” 

“I’m a helpless romantic, so sue me,” Jake called back. 

“There’s one left in here!” Sam yelled over Jake and Josh’s bickering. “Thank god,” he added. “Nose goes on who reads it!” 

Jake slammed his hand up to his nose and, likewise, Danny and Sam followed suit. That left Josh sitting on his stool, whirling around, trying to make sense of what had just happened.

“What?” he asked, starting to sound like a broken record. 

“Take it away, Josh,” Sam said, dropping the last piece of paper into Josh’s open hands. Josh stared down at it and blew out a long sigh. 

“The last one,” he told himself, as a kind of motivation to power through. Danny did a drumroll on his legs. 

“From CaptainJaket: hey Greta Van Fleet, let me eat that ass like a [redacted] sausage McGriddle with extra maple syrup, I’d tear that [redacted] up, I’d say SLORMP on that [redacted] you feel me? Your knees could be the apple pie on the side I’d munch munch that [redacted] and wash it down with a cold glass of my tears.”

The four men looked around at each other in a stunned silence. Josh slowly let the piece of paper fall to the ground between his feet. Jake found that his mouth was wide open, and Danny’s eyebrows were raised so high, they disappeared above his bangs. Sam stomped off the sound stage, let himself outside the studio to his car, and drove away. 

Suddenly, Josh kicked his feet up and started to do a belly laugh while clapping his hands together. Danny and Jake both watched him in awe. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Jake asked, kicking Josh’s foot to get his attention. 

“I still have no clue what a thirst tweet is,” Josh explained, “but if it’s anything remotely close to whatever the fuck that was, you can call me a fan.”

Jake and Danny exchanged an exasperated glance and threw their arms up in the air. 

“I’m gonna call this a wrap,” the producer decided from behind the camera.

[alolanrain]

Concerning the latest in the TA Series:

Mallow recording a video with Ash in the background, with captions: Our tweets started a thirst trap trend with some Gym Leaders, Elite Fours, and Champions. Our TA refuses to say who is the hottest so we are seeing how he reacts to the Champion feed.

Ash: Diantha looks amazing in her new swimsuit her new personal shopper is top notch... Cynthia got a new car to pose on, nice... Adler is trying very hard with the GILF thing... Wallace got a new outfit... Steven made use of all those stones... Drake finally got that tattoo of the Shamouti Birds finished and it looks great... Lance's scars from his latest mission are healing...

Ash: **squeaks and slams phone down blushing**

Mallow's captions: HE GOT TO LEON WE HAVE A WINNER!

Ash: *still blushing* Leon's just objectively hot, okay. doesn't mean I... Mallow, who's this?

Mallow: Oh that's a Galar gym leader, I think his name is Raihan

Ash: now he's hot

[foggyfanfic]

Hi!

Can you answer ☔ from the WIP ask?)

Hello! Thanks for asking, that’s very sweet of you! Hearing from you always makes me smile. As usual, I have many words. I really thought I was going to be able to keep this within a paragraph. But I failed.

I have one I know I’ll never write because it has wandered far enough away from the source material that if I change two names it’s an original story. It started as a story where Bruno grows old, dies, goes to heaven, then gets resurrected by a necromancer for mysterious reasons; and originally the main thrust of the story was 1) exploring how the Encanto may have grown in the past few decades since the movie, plus how they'd handle how unavoidable the internet is becoming, and 2) Bruno gets to meet other LGBT/mentally ill people (and mentor those within his own family). But then it kinda spiraled out from there. That internet thing turned into the theme of isolationism vs globalism, and now there are more OC's than characters from Encanto, and it's not even in the same universe anymore. Even my self indulgent OC has ended up wandering miles away from being a self insert and is now an allegory for the benefits of globalism. (Where as the villain has become an allegory for the downsides of globalism).

Incidentally however, within that story one of the main OC’s was Camilo’s grand daughter, who could look into the past. And of course I had to come up with a wife and kids to give Camilo so the girl could have a father, and that spiraled into its own story that I’ll probably never write. (This is where the long part starts).

So! One day, when Camilo’s like 25 or something, he’s trying to figure out what to get Mirabel for her birthday. He comes up with the idea that he’ll turn into one of the girls from her embroidery club and find out if there’s any embroidery supplies she needs. He goes out into the market, finds Mirabel, hides behind the corner, and turns into one of the women from the club. He gets two steps out from where he was hiding, before a quiet girl he’s never really spoken to steps into his path, and says, “Oh good, there you are! I have got to tell you what Camilo did this morning.”

Camilo, of course, already knows what he did this morning, he helped one of the kids practice being goalie in anticipation for try outs. But he’s only human, so when somebody gives an intro like that, he of course needs to know what they’re gonna say next.

“You don’t mind, right?” she asks, before he can prompt her, “If you’re busy this can wait until Saturday.”

“No, no, not busy at all,” Camilo says, even as he watches Mirabel walk away past this girl’s shoulder.

And the woman (who thinks she's talking to her best friend) proceeds to tell him all about what he did that morning, only where as he saw it as just a fun way to help one of his neighbors, she saw it as the “sweetest, most wonderful thing”. He’s flattered of course, but very confused and a little surprised, he’s pretty sure he and this woman were in the same class growing up and she never seemed all that interested in him. In anything, really. She always seemed very flat, he would never (again) be so rude as to call somebody boring, but… well, she definitely never seemed so expressive or lively in group settings.

Then the woman really throws him for a loop when she says something wildly inappropriate. I haven’t nailed down exactly what, but think something from one of those “celebrity reads thirst tweets” videos. Something that’s hilarious and extremely horny. The sort of joke you would only make with your most trusted best friend and never ever want your crush to hear.

Camilo is so shocked he accidentally drops his disguise, even while he’s laughing at the joke she made (he had no idea this girl was so witty).

Her face goes from a conspiratorial grin to a look of absolute horror. He has just enough time to realize how this probably looks to her, before the horror gives way to humiliated rage, and she punches him. Knocks him flat on his back. (He had no idea this girl could punch so hard, or that he liked that in a woman).

She runs away, but not before Camilo sees the tears welling in her eyes. He heads to Tía Juli, gets a healing arepa, then goes back out to find the girl so he can explain himself. And reassure her that he thought her joke was hilarious, not that she was.

He isn’t able to pin her down and actually spends the next three weeks trying. In that time he learns things about her such as her name is Adelaide, she teaches young kids, volunteers every chance she gets, loves astronomy, and has apparently been stopping by Casita since the gifts came back to ask Tío Bruno for visions about space.

He begs Tío Bruno for help, but Bruno (pretends) he has no interest in helping Camilo. Truth is, Bruno picked up very quickly that Adelaide was actually using the visions as an excuse to drop by Casita and catch a glimpse of Camilo. When Camilo and Adelaide were teenagers he felt sorry for her, because she was clearly head over heels, but they seemed completely incompatible. But now, in their mid-twenties, she’s gaining confidence while Camilo is gaining maturity, and Bruno is becoming super invested in this potential relationship. So, after letting Camilo squirm just a little, Bruno agrees to help by saying he’ll convince her to talk to him, if he comes up with the best damn apology anybody has ever given.

Camilo eagerly agrees, and decides that the best apology he can think of is a new telescope, the only reason he knew she liked space was because she’d been trying to find a new lens for her current one but couldn’t afford one. He buys her the telescope, but looking at it, it doesn’t seem quite enough. So he throws in a bouquet of flowers, and also some chocolate, and also a moonlit picnic so she’d be able to use the telescope right away, of course. Bruno leads Adelaide to Camilo’s not-at-all-a-date-shut-up-Antonio, then has to immediately excuse himself to keep from giggling maniacally. Leaving the two young adults standing awkwardly by the picnic blanket. Camilo wordlessly holds up the bouquet, she wordlessly accepts, then they both sit down and just sort of stare at the food.

Eventually, they talk it out, Camilo explains himself, and admits he may have developed a bit of a crush on her when she punched him. Adelaide figures she’d already humiliated herself as mush as she can, so she apologizes for hitting him, and admits she’s been in love with had a crush on Camilo ever since they were six and he shared his lunch with her. Camilo has zero memory of this, but alright, this works. Let’s go! So they date, and fall in love, and live mostly happily ever after (her family causes problems, which is a major part of the granddaughter OC’s backstory, but this is already very long).