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onlyjaeyun · 7 months

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ZADIE LOVE AHHHHHHH i kid u not i was on the edge whenever i saw ur wc update literally went "OMG OMG ITS HAPPENING" am i ready to actually start reading? no ill never be but i am also soSOOO invested in what happened between hoonyn i HAVE TO BRACE MYSELF

ok enough yapping and onto to the actual chapter 👉🏻👈🏻 im actually gna start crying yn was probably the sweetest little girl ever surrounded w her loving family im so happy she had her maternal aunt at the very least 🥹 she even saved up money to get her brothers' gifts she's so precious 🥺🥺 NOOO LITTLE HOONYN WERE LITERALLY EACH OTHERS CONSTANT SUPPORT IM SO BROKEN 😭😭😭 THEY WERE TOO PURE TOO GOOD FOR THE CRUELTY THAT IS THE WORLD

yn's gift is in a little box? a jewellery mayhaps... STOP OMG HOON'S HER SECRET SANTA!,!/&;&&: SKDJAKSJS (icb they nvr gotten each other b4 tho 🧐) WORLD PAUSE SUNGHOON WANTED TO DO WHAT NOW?:!/& someone hold me i feel faint. we've COME SO FAR IM LITERALLY ABOUT TO BAWL 😭😭😭😭😭😭 "not only show you how over the ongoing war between you two he is, but also one he could use as a way to maybe win you over again" IM IN TEARS. THE WAR IS ENDING 😭😭😭

im actually so proud(?) of hoon for accepting his feelings like to go from saying the meanest things 24/7 to a person to actually admitting that you still want to have that person around takes alot of courage and he has my respect for that!

ok so he chose a sentimental gift... A SNOWFLAKE NECKLACE?:!/$ MAYBE?? 🤔 IM LITERALLY ABOUT TO START BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS WHY AM I SO NERVOUS 🤕 HE FAWKING WROTE HER A CARD IN JAPANESE. yep im out. 😭🤣😭😭😭😭😭😭🤣🤣🤣😭😭 STOOPP ITTT HE GOT HER A RING W HER MOTHER'S BIRTHSTONE?:!/!/ IM ACTUALLY IN TEARS THAT IS SOOOOOOOOOO PRECIOUS IM GONNA START BAWLING he's so 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 & yn now knows its from hoon 🥺😭🥺🥺🥹🥹🥹

THE FUCKING DOORBELL. THE FUCKING WITCH. WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON HER IM GNA FUCK HER 🆙 !!!!!! no but can we talk about how yn stood up to her MY POOKIEPIE MY LOVE 🥹 she's so strong for that ❤️‍🩹 & riki n hoon 🥹 coming in to stand w her 😭 hoon just standing behind her supporting her, ready to step in anytime ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

oh im soo fucking that bitch up im filing my nails as i type rn im gna scratch her face and no one can stop me. its the fact riki still calls her mom and she goes and do shit like this. i just cant phantom how people like her call themselves parents. yn making that decision whilst she was still so young 💔 no one really should have been in that position in the first place

i know uve alrdy shown us this part in the wc update but it still HITS ME SO HARD "of all people in this world, it was your hands he had put his tiny heart into because he knew you’d always keep it safe and protected, only for your absence to scar him forever" im actually broken. & OF FUCKING COURSE ITS THE FREAKING WITCH THAT HAD SMTH TO DO WITH THE LETTER NOT REACHING HOON.

ill say it time and time again but the friendship dynamic u create in everyone of ur fic is so precious and beautiful 🤍 all of them will fight and stand by each other through the darkest of times 🫂

ive actually teared up reading this chapter 🥺 this was everything, u always amaze me with the ideas u have and the way u execute them 🤍 this chapter was worth its wait <3 i truly enjoy reading every single update and idk what else to say other than thank you for sharing the masterpiece that is cold hearts with us all 🤍🤍

have a very very good night zadie <3

oh my sweet souled lia 🥺

thank you SO much for this ask. i never know what to say when you guys send me messages like these because im just baffled by how much love and attention and support you guys not only send me but my characters. i think it's safe to say that i will keep this so close to my heart. it's such an honor to receive such amazing reactions to the things my characters experience and ik im rambling but like, seeing you all so invested in this smau makes me so happy and im so grateful for everything. thank you baby. i love and appreciate you so much 🥺🤍🩷☀️💐🌷

#; mailbox 📬#; cold hearts

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breathplayed · 1 year

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17, 29, 48, & 55 😁🫖

oh u GOT me got me lets go

(17) what is your favorite line you’ve ever written? babe plz this one is too hard..... there's too many...... I HAVE 920K WORDS ON AO3 AND ~50K INCOMING I DONT EVEN REMEMBER THEM ALL......... uuhhhhhhhh ok ok ill try to narrow a few down. it's all gonna be recent tho bc that's what i remember most + i have rly been indulging myself stylistically as of late lmao

for just ~pretty language~ my favorites rn are

"Jimin is almost too pretty to mar with mortal hands, but Jungkook finds desecration is half the fun when his hands slip lower" (folie à trois)

"Some floodgate inside him has broken, the last bastion of resistance crumbled, and now he’s a drowning man in the dead waters" (folie à trois)

“I love you,” he whimpers into Taehyung’s kiss like a prayer. Too devout; Taehyung’s hands and lips pause. Jimin’s own lip is already trembling, caught, so he lets the confessional spill like it’s the last Sunday he’ll ever see." (the losing game ch17)

"[Taehyung] used to dream, sometimes, after Jimin was gone, that he was holding him again, that he could crack open Jimin's ribcage and crawl inside to make a home beside his heart before they burned together." (the losing game ch5)

"Sometimes—in his darkest moments, on his worst nights—Jimin dreams about Taehyung carving over each and every one of his scars. Creating clean new edges to each of them, prying fingers in the wound to be as close as possible, rewriting their memories and meanings with a jagged, almost unbearable intimacy." (the losing game ch17)

"The graves we dig ourselves are often the deepest." (the graves we dig..... now thats a real throwback huh)

there's too much i could say for dialogue but.... i'm super fond of the hurtful conversations present!vmin have in tlg (especially ch14, i reread that a lot), ignite the stars ch5 (also reread that a lot), and also i love pretty much everything that comes out of taehyung's mouth in folie à trois lol

(29) give us a spoiler for one of your stories. answered here, but since this one could be answered multiple times i'll bite......... my queue tag ("i'm glad it was queue") is a play on one of my favorite lines in all of tlg that i have been excited about getting to for yeaaaarrrssss. no one but me knows the line yet (or how hurtful its context is) bc it's in one of the final chapters hehehe but it's "i'm glad it was you" ..... :')

(48) do you reread your own stories? the answer to this used to be a strong NO!!!! but that has actually changed in the last two years! i don't rly reread anything older (my writing style has changed so much + there's things i'd change about older fics esp <2020 so it's not an enjoyable experience to me, i'd just fret over editing it) but there's some newer fics i reread bc they are So written to my own taste. i think i really improved a lot getting to write a bunch in lockdown lol + started caring less about whether ppl liked the fic and just wrote for ✨Me✨ so several of those recent fics i'm happy with and do reread sometimes like a stupid idiot narcissus

The ones i've reread the most are "sit, stay" + "sea legs" + favorite parts of "ignite the stars" and my favorite parts of "the losing game". the other scattered pwp's since 2020 have gotten reread about twice each. and i recently reread WBIO for the first time since writing it in early 2020!!! mixed feelings on that one bc i felt like i would change some parts of it if i wrote it today but that's a sign ur growing and improving i suppose

(55) do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them? oh i have so fucking many 'WIPs' it's not even funny. there's probably like ~12 completely bullet point outlined medium length / longfics in my docs down to exact dialogue i'd write, and dozens more fic attempts that have a whole plot and ending. bc as soon as i come up with an idea i already immediately know how i want it to end. which gives me way too many Plot Bunnies that are viable to be turned into fics!!!!! two years ago i made a list of every idea i thought should at least see the light of day in threadfic form if not an actual fic and it came out to 30 fics lol (and that was cutting it down to the essentials)

the thing is, very few of my WIPs are ever 'abandoned' in my mind, it's more like... i put them in my mental freezer. on hold / on ice. and some of them are closer to the front and get taken out and rotated around and worked on more often, while others are shoved to the far back of the freezer as i say "i'll make that someday" and forget it exists til the next time im reminded of it. there's only a few that i'd actually toss in the trash (aka truly abandon and never work on again).

the ones that are definitely abandoned in that i know i dont Want to write them are all on the more domestic romcom side (think like 'meaner than mean' or 'i like us like this') i know people like those but they're the hardest thing for me to write, those were the most annoyed i've ever felt while writing, i would literally groan out loud working on them, i am rly only happy writing conflict/angst or pwp lol

tbh, if i were to be realistic with myself, i'd say most of these wip's are 'abandoned' in that i probably will never get around to finishing them. but i dont want to call them abandoned because i do like the plots, and think ppl would like them, and want to share them!!! i just think they would suck / not be fun to write. Maybe Someday i will do an archival effort and work on translating as many of them as i can into threadfic form so they see the light of day in some format and are no longer abandoned to rot in my docs... bc there's no way that most of them are ever going to be written the way i wish i could do them justice :') and then i can abandon them knowing that ppl at least got to read a vague outline of what could have been

fun fact: i opened the aforementioned list of all these ideas to count and on one of them, a fic i've been poking at since 2018, i have the note "finish this or die" next to it. guess i know which one i've picked atp 🪦

#ask game

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nightwishesworld · 3 years

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hello! do you think you could do a chapter with fem!reader whose afraid of thunderstorms and wakes up in the middle of the night because of it but doesn’t wanna wake alcina so she just stays awake but the storm goes on for like a week and this keeps happening until she notices and comforts you through it by like cuddles or talking you to sleep to distract you from it :)

Oh my god I hate the way this came out. My brain just could not process this for some reason. I also couldn't make it as long as a week, my apologies.

**************

One dark evening at Castle Dimitrescu a storm rolled in. Relatively speaking, it was quite harmless and most of the inhabitants of the castle were unbothered by the storm.

Except you.

Late into the evening, whilst most were asleep, the storm was at its strongest - the crackle of thunder rolling through the halls as flashes of lightning illuminated the darkest corners of the room. You were trying to sleep, honest, but just as you felt the drowsiness of rest come to take you - a loud crack of thunder would jolt you awake and paralyze you with fear.

You sat with your back against the headboard, your breathing rapid.

You pulled the covers up to your chest and hugged your pillow close to your chest. Resisting the urge to run and hide in the closet like you used to do as a kid was becoming more and more difficult.

Another flash, another boom.

You knew it wasn’t logical, but you couldn’t stop yourself from flinching or jumping as the sounds of the storm roared outside. It was just so loud and you could swear the castle was shaking with it.

You squeezed your eyes shut, white-knuckling the pillow held tight against your chest and humming a song to yourself in order to distract your brain.

The sound of constant rain was suddenly accompanied by heavy hail falling, and that’s when the thoughts started charging at you full force.

What if the lightning strikes the castle? What if the castle collapsed? Did it have the right infrastructure? What if-

“Stop it, God. Stop it!” You begged your brain but to no avail. Your mind kept generously providing you with possibilities and images you did not ask for.

Another loud boom and this time you couldn’t help the cry let out before clapping a hand over your mouth and diving under the blankets.

When you didn’t hear anything for a few minutes you felt it safe enough to come out of hiding. Thankfully the vampire slumbering next to you wasn’t disturbed by your pathetic cries and whimpers. She had a rough day dealing with a very pissed off Mother Miranda and needed rest and relaxation as much as she could possibly get.

You forced yourself to lay still on your back and focus all your energy on controlling your breathing. That was the key to saving yourself a panic attack. You don’t know how long you were staring up at the ceiling, but dawn eventually came and your partner stirred from her sleep.

She would have been happy to see you if not for the redness in your eyes and puffiness surrounding them, obvious signs of lack of sleep.

“Are you alright, draga mea?” She wrapped her arms around your midsection and rested her head on your shoulder, kissing your cheek.

You didn’t answer, even though you knew Alcina wouldn’t just drop the question. She was sweet and caring like that, which is probably why you never had the heart to tell her how much of a coward you actually are.

“You didn’t sleep very well, did you?”

“Nightmares,” you rasped, trying to focus on Alcina more than the low rumbling outside. “I’ll be fine after a cup of coffee.”

She looked as though she didn’t accept that answer but quickly hid any doubts behind a warm smile. “If you’re sure.”

It felt wrong lying to her. You had never felt the need to hide anything from Alcina before, but this was just embarrassing. She’d probably laugh at you told her you were still afraid of thunderstorms.

The day progressed with relative normalcy despite the occasional sounds of rumbling. Alcina busied herself dealing with the mountain of paperwork on her desk for Mother Miranda and the girls were running amuck in the basement. Depending on which room you were in you could hear their laughter below you. Their mischief down there has always been a mystery to you, even now after living in the castle a couple of years. You knew what they were doing, but couldn't fathom the idea of enjoying it so much. You did find it rather disturbing that their torturing frightened you less than a stupid thunderstorm.

You huddled in the back section of the library behind the bookshelves so you couldn’t see the lightning out the windows. The loud rumbling still had you on edge, but a good book is always a welcome distraction. It worked so well, that you didn't hear Daniela approaching. You practically jumped three feet in the air when she was stood in front of you.

“What’s wrong with you?” Daniela asked, her voice was stern, but it also had a concerning tone to it. She had dropped her bag, keeping the knife at her side. Your breathing was heavier than usual as you tried to think of what to say. It was more than embarrassing to tell Daniela the truth. You knew for a fact she out of everyone in the castle would laugh at you. "You scared me,"

She rolled her eyes. "No, Dummy, I mean what's really wrong?"

You shrug and turn the page of your book. “Nothing.”

Another boom. You couldn’t fight off flinched.

“Oh, I think I get it. You’re afraid of-”

“Don’t tell anyone.” You clenched your fists, shutting your eyes tightly. Daniela wanted to laugh, but she didn’t. You watched as she cautiously sat back down. The redhead sat in front of you, the rain somehow sounding even louder than it had before. You looked over at Daniela, feeling the embarrassment creep upon you.

Daniela started at you with a rather confused expression, resting her arms on her knees. “Out of everything we’ve been through,” she began, “everything you’ve seen us do. Everything that goes on in this castle just below your feet,” she paused. “And you’re scared of thunder?”

You sat silently and twiddled your thumbs.

“Why?”

“Doesn’t matter,” you whisper. “It’s not important. You’re only going to run off and tell everyone.”

Daniela rolled her eyes and picked up her bag, headed once again for the basement. “Whatever, y/n, have it your way.”

You spent the rest of the afternoon and early evening shuffling around the library hiding from the white flashes. It was only when Daniela came to fetch you for dinner that you left. Luckily you were eating in the kitchen instead of the larger Dining Hall. The kitchen is much more manageable; marginally fewer windows to see the lightning. The meal carried on as it normally would; the girls boasted about their successes in the basement, Alcina discusses all the work she got done today and complains about the work she put off for tomorrow. It was almost enough to take your mind off the chaos happening just outside the windows. Almost.

The storm carried on just as confidently throughout the evening and into the night. It showed no signs of relenting, which in turn meant another sleepless night.

You wasted no time stripping your clothes and crawling into bed, back to the open windows. Alcina didn’t think much of it, simply chalking it up to being exhausted from the previous night’s lack of sleep. She wasn’t completely wrong, you did feel like you were ready to sleep for the next 24 hours. But you knew the storm wouldn’t allow you that luxury.

Pressure against your back and an arm wrapping around your midsection snapped you out of your thoughts.

“I hope you sleep tonight, my love.”

“Me too.”

An hour later and you were still wide awake listening to the rain being pelted against the windows. An anxious voice whispered impossible scenarios of the rain breaking through the windows and lightning striking you down in the safety of your bed. You tried your hardest to not toss and turn as to not disturb the woman next to you. She's not asleep yet, you can tell by the lack of snoring, but her breathing is starting to even out. You were curled up on your side, back to Alcina. She wrapped you in her arms, her chest against your back and arm across your waist. "Dove..." she whispered in your ear. "Y/n... "

"I'm sleeping, Al." You murmured snuggling further into the vampire’s arms, your eyes still closed.

"No, you're not." She stroked your side absently. “Are you sure you’re ok? You aren’t falling ill are you?”

You sigh. “No, I’m not getting sick. My body is just too exhausted to relax.”

Alcina hummed, burrowing her face in the crook of your neck. “I’ll stay up with you for a while.”

“You will not. Go to sleep Al, I’ll be fine. You had a long day yourself, one of us should be able to sleep."

"Why don't we go sit in the Drawing Room or the Library? I'll hold you in my lap and read to you." God no. Way too many windows. "Goodnight, Alcina." You feel her sigh against your skin, pushing a few stray hairs around. "Can I do anything?" "Stop worrying, it's just insomnia." "I'll stay up with you then. You shouldn't be up all by yourself staring at the ceiling." "I'm not alone, Love, you're right here with me. Asleep or not I'm still in your arms, and that helps a lot." You feel her smile against your neck and pull you closer against her front. "wake me if you need anything."

You actually slept fairly well; only waking up a few times to have Alcina soothe you back to sleep. Being tucked away in her embrace did a world of help, but you still woke up hours before Alcina did. Her eyes fluttered open and focus on your groggy face. She frowns.

"Did you sleep at all?"

You smile and kiss her lips. "Yes, I actually slept a lot better last night than before."

"Good," she pulls you back to kiss you again.

*******************************************************************************************

Later in the afternoon Bela and Cassandra invited (dragged you really) into the Drawing Room to play a game of cards.

Everything was going really well. You were laughing and playing with the girls like everything was as it should be in Castle Dimitrescu.

You were made astutely aware of the situation outside again when a loud crack of thunder shook the castle. There was another flash and clap of thunder, this time loud enough to make Cassandra flinch.

You abruptly shot up from the table. “Sorry. I need a minute.” You rushed down the hall into one of the guest rooms. Cassandra and Bela shared a confused glance and watched as you hurried away. They’d never seen you so flighty and nervous before. Neither could tell what was wrong.

They laid on the carpet and silently counted to sixty before following you to down the corridor.

“Y/n?” Bela softly knocked on the door. “It’s been a minute.”

There was no response. More thunder. Bela frowned. “We’re coming in, okay?”

She opened the door a crack and poked her head inside. You were nowhere to be seen. “Y/n?” Cassandra called, stepping further inside and glancing around the room. The sisters checked under the bed, then under the covers, even under the shade of the bedside lamp. Then Bela peered out of the rain-soaked window for good measure. Where else could you be?

Just as Cassandra decided she was stumped, she heard a rustling from behind her and a muffled, “I’m in here.” She turned around in confusion because the only place they hadn’t checked in that direction was…

They crept over to the closet and carefully slid open the door. The girls smiled when they found you sitting on the ground, curled up with your head between your knees. “Playing hide and seek now, are we?” Bela said. “Next round I call being the— um, y/n?”

“I’m fine,” you mumbled, staying right where you were. “Sorry.”

“S-Sorry for what…?” Cassandra crouched down beside you. The closet almost had enough space for the three of you to fit.

“Y/n, please. Something’s obviously bothering you, can’t you tell us?”

All three of you startled as another flash of lightning cut into the room, followed by another growl of thunder. You tightened your grip around your legs. Bela’s jaw dropped.

“It’s the storm,” she said, half a question, half a statement. “You’re scared of thunder?”

“It’s childish.”

“Oh, y/n…”

“I’m weak. Something as dumb and simple as loud noises shouldn’t make me so—”

“Y/n. Look at me.” Cassandra’s gently stern tone convinced you to move your head so your chin rested on your knees. You side-eyed the girls, trying to imitate your usual stoicism. It was difficult with red-rimmed eyes.

“A phobia doesn’t make you childish, or weak— do you know how many people have a fear of thunder, y/n? A lot of humans.”

“A lot of Uncle Heisenberg’s lycans as well,” Bela chimed in.

“And are you going to go around insulting them? No, Y/n, because that’s not nice. So don’t insult yourself for the same thing.” Cassandra waved around her index finger as she spoke. Your eyes widened and followed the movement. Both girls laughed.

“Is that what’s been giving you nightmares?”

You shake your head. “I just haven’t been sleeping; too tense.”

Cassandra giggled. “Just ask mother for extra cuddles, not like she’ll say no.”

“Or a more intimate distraction,” Bela winked.

Both sisters giggle at the blush creeping on your cheeks.

“Can we sit here with you?” Bela asked, already taking the vacant spot on your right.

You shrugged— as much as you could in this balled-up position. “You don’t have to.”

“It’s ok y/n, we don’t mind.”

They sat on either side of you, Bela holding your hand, enjoying the comfortable silence that cast over you.

*******************************************************************************************

A loud crack of thunder jolted Alcina awake. Cursing to herself she eyed the clock across the room–2:06 am. Raking a hand down her face, she jolted again when another crack of thunder echoed through the castle. It wasn’t a minute later that an insistent downpour of rain started pelting the roof and windows followed by an angry howling of the wind. You stirred next to her in the bed. You were mumbling in what sounded like a mix of Romanian and English. Alcina swallowed thickly because she knew what that meant; another night terror. She laid back down and curled herself against you, cocooning herself against your back. Alcina placed a few stray kisses on your shoulders and the nape of your neck, smoothing her hands along your hipbone in the process. You calmed after a few minutes, your mumbling returning to the steadying breaths of deep sleep. Alcina sighed in relief and closed her eyes in hopes that she could drift back to sleep.

KRAK-OOOOOM!

Alcina sat up on the bed and saw you still appeared to be sleeping, though you looked somewhat agitated. She reached over and attempted to run her fingers through your hair but all that succeeded in doing was causing you to jolt awake.

You woke up with a strangled yell and starting crawling out from underneath the sheets. You sat with your back against the headboard, your breathing and heart rate rapid. Alcina crawled over and realized you were having a panic attack. “Y/n, can you hear me?” You nodded, your eyes squeezed shut as tears started leaking from the corners. You clamped a hand over your mouth, and Alcina realized you were trying to silence your breathing. “Honey no, don’t do that, just focus on me,” she pulled your hand away from your mouth slowly. You shook your head and tried to take your hand back. “No no no... I can’t- I-I-I can’t wake Al-Alcina,” you gasped. “It’s alright, Dove, just follow my breathing.” Alcina took exaggerated breaths to demonstrate. You started calming down slightly. “That’s it, everything is alright, just keep breathing.” You seemed to calm down more with the breathing exercises. “I’m going to get you a glass of water“ Alcina started to say, but was cut off by you grabbing her arm. “No! Don’t-don’t lea- don’t leave, please, don’t- don’t” you closed her eyes, her breath quickening again. “Sweetheart, breathe with me. In, out. In, out.” Alcina took your hand and put it on her chest. “Breathe with me. In, out. In, out.” Your breathing returned to normal. After sitting in silence for a bit, Alcina turned to her.

“Another night terror?” She asked. You looked away for a minute, ashamed of yourself.

“No.”

God, you probably woke her up, good job.

Alcina couldn’t keep an amused smile from forming. “Can my little dove not sleep because of the thunderstorm?”

As if on cue, a blinding bolt of lightning crackled down from the sky. The following rumble of thunder seemed to shake the castle. You let out a whimper and shielded yourself from the sky. “How could I possibly sleep when it sounds like the sky is falling?!”

Alcina hums and pulls you close against her. “There’s nothing wrong with a healthy fear, Dove. It brings out the human in you.”

“UGH! Just-!”

KRAK-OOOOOM!

Another shriek, barely muffled by Alcina’s shoulder, had you violently trembling. You were barely holding yourself together.

Wracked with terror, eyes shut tightly, you found yourself unable to prevent the reflexive compulsion to cling to something nearby.

Which, in this case, was Alcina, who was left staring in shocked silence at the violently trembling form with arms wrapped tightly around her midsection. She immediately wrapped her arms around you again and began rubbing soothing circles on your back.

“Calm down. You’re fine,” She spoke softly, ignoring the buzz under her skin as she soaked in the unwitting embrace like a dry sponge in water. Soothingly, she rubbed up to your shoulder blades. “There we are, my love,” Alcina chuckled. “I’ve got you. Listen to my voice,” She rumbled, speaking soft but firm as the thunder forced smaller tremors through the floor. “You’re going to relax. I’m going to help you. Just lay here with me and close your eyes. I’ll hold you all night if you want me to.”

Gradually, the sound faded and petered off back into the loud patter of rain against the windows but Alcina held you tightly still. She could feel the flutter of your heartbeat against her own, almost impressed that you hadn’t passed out from fear alone.

“Why didn’t you say anything? The storm’s been going on for days now you must have been petrified.”

“I didn’t want you to know,” you mumbled into her neck. “It’s a pathetic fear I’ve had since I was a kid. I don’t want you to think less of me.”

“You think something as trivial as a phobia would make me think less of you?” She pulled you even tighter against her. You melted into her embrace. “Clearly I haven’t been a very good partner to you.”

“No Al, it’s not like that. Gods, you’re an amazing partner. It’s just my stupid insecurities. You’re all so fearless and brave. You’re not afraid of anything, and then there’s me; tiny, inferior, afraid of a little thunderstorm.”

She sighed and continued rubbing circles on your back. “I’m not fearless.”

“Yeah right,” you scoff. “What could the great and powerful Alcina Dimitrescu possibly be afraid of?”

“Death.”

You wriggled out of her arms just enough to turn and face her. “What? But, you’re immortal. Death isn’t really something you have to worry about.”

She gave a small smile and brought a hand to cup your face. “I never said my death, sweet one.”

Oh...OH

“The girls are clever, they can get themselves out of most situations unscathed, but still, we can be slain. And there have been some pretty close calls in the past. And you,” she rubbed gentle circles on your cheek. “Your death is inevitable. It gnaws at the back of my mind every time I look at you. Every time morning I have to untangle myself from your embrace I remember that one day I’ll wake up alone and wish I cuddled with you for just a bit longer."

"Al, I didn't-"

"I can't always be there to protect you, including the girls. If I could take the brunt of all conflict for you I would gladly do so, but that's unfortunately not how life works. I'm just left worrying until I know for sure you're all safe."

She hummed into your neck and kissed your pulse point. "How selfish of me, I'm supposed to be comforting you, not the other way around. If I paid more attention I would have known, I’m sorry, my love.”

“Don’t apologize, just hold me.”

Alcina kissed the top of your head. “With pleasure.”

Soon enough you did fall asleep again, your arms still clinging tight around the vampire’s upper midsection. Alcina found a comfortable enough position and allowed herself to drift away as well.

#lady dimitrescu x reader #lady Alcina #tall vampire lady #alcina dimitrescu #bela dimitrescu #cassandra dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu #resident evil #resident evil village #resident evil 8

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kaz11283 · 3 years

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44 and 45 for writing prompts?

44) Close Your Eyes

45) Will You Marry me

Your Favorite Suprise

Warnings: fluff

Characters: Your favorite God of Mischief, Nat, Clint (brother, I know I have a weird problem ok?), Steve, Tony, Thor

Summary: you and Loki had been dating for a while now it only made since that he wants to take the next step.

Announcements: Ah yes, while I should be working on the next chapter of my series Im doing a Loki Request list...makes sense to me. I have decided to start posting a chapter a week and I have decided to start posting The chapters on Fridays. But I'll probably still be doing one shots and drabbles randomly during the week along with request. *its like really early in the morning here so if I am not making any sense i will probably post another update soon.* love you guys, thank you for the request! 💚💚💚💚

Loki Masterlist

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Loki had been distant all day, he wasnt in any of the normal places that he normally would have been. You had checked in the library, his room, even the lab none held signs that the god had been there all day.

"Guys, have you by any chance seen Loki?" You asked walking into the living room where your brother and Nat were wrestling, for some unknown reason, Thor and Steve sat watching.

"Tall guy, wears to much green, pointy hat?" Clint choked out from a chokehold. Sometimes you wondered if you were really the oldest with the way he acted.

"Last time I seen my brother he was heading out to the large balcony on the top floor with a rather heavy looking box." Thor called over his shoulder. "No no no Hawkman, you odviously doing it wrong. Let me show you." He said getting up walking over to the two on the floor.

"Whatever, he'll know where to find me I guess." You said jumping over the back of the couch sitting down next to Steve.

"Hey! No jumping on the furniture. I swear its like I live in a house full of kids between you and Parker jumping and flying around." Tony yelled from the kitchen door.

Steve rolled his eyes and looked at you. "Thor is trying to show them some Asguardian fighting moves. Nat picked up pretty fast, your brother on the other hand..."

"He does better in a roost high above the ground. Only reason I use to hate fighting with him is because he could climb higher than I could." You laughed.

"Ok Lord Thunder if you can do better be my guest." Clint took a step back allowing Thor to stand in. Thor gave a bellowing laugh and got in a fighting stance.

"My people invented these moves I can easily take down Nat."

After a few rounds and Thor definitly losing causing the room to howl with laughter at his confusion Loki walked in.

"So the man of mysteries returns. Where have you been darling." You asked as he came to stand beside you.

"Just working on a suprise for you my dearest." He laughed leaning down and kissing the top of your head.

"Please stop, there are young eyes in the room." Clint groaned from a recliner across from you causing you to roll your eyes.

"Yeah, if your going by shoe size." You mocked. Turning to Loki you looked at him. "What does the god of mischief have up his sleave for me?"

"Come dear, I would rather show you." He offered you his hand and you walked from the room.

He lead you to the room where the balcony was located and turned to you. "Close your eyes."

"Ummm why? You planning on pushing me off?" You laughed realizing that he had a serious look on his face. "Nevermind." You closed your eye, as soon as they were shut you felt a cloth wrap around your head. "If you wnted something like this all you had to do was ask." You smirked.

"Oh nine realms y/n. Get your mind out of the gutter for just a little bit." You couldnt see it but you knew he was rolling his eyes. "This is serious." You could hear the smile in his voice.

"Ok fine, serious, I can be serious for like 5 minutes. I cant guarantee the comments that will follow after the time is up though." You laughed.

"Sometimes I feels like I'm dating your brother." He huffed taking your hand and leading you onto the balcony.

"We are basically the same person, I just look alot better than he does in a cat suit." He let go of your hand just after walking out of the door and disappered.

"You know that mouth is one of my favorit things about you." He whispered in your ear cauing your heart to flutter. "Always quick to the punch, it never fails." He said kissing the side of your mouth.

"But my absolute favorit thing about you is your willingness to over look a persons flaws, to give everyone a chance, even if they dont deserve it. You have such an open mind forgiving everyone that you feel need forgiving. Looking for the good in a person and giving that person hope that maybe there is hope left for them." This time he brushed your hair from your neck kissing you behind the ear sending a shiver down your spine.

"Loki you was never a bad person-" you saod trying to defend him aginst hisself

"I brainwashed your brother." He countered. "You didnt just do it for me though. You stood up for Wanda, for Bucky, you stand up for the underdogs that wouldnt have a chance other wise."

"Wanda needed a family, Bucky was Steves best friend and I seen how it hurt him for eveyone to be aginst him. Also brainwashed. Im kinda seeing a pattern here though." You smiled.

"Y/n, honestly would you jusy be quiet for a few more minutes." He sighed.

"Ok, lips are sealed. Continue telling me how great I am." He sighed again pulling you closer to the middle of the balcony.

"You have been my light in the darkest tunnel I had ever been in. When the others shut me out you were always there to let me know I wasnt alone. I could travel to all nine realms and never find another soul as caring and as trust worthy as you, who holds me at night when nightmares wake me up, who actually seen good in me and who has made me a better person." You felt him reach behind you and untie the knot from the blind, you kept your eyes closed as you felt him grab your hand again this time there was a slight pull. "Darling you can open your eyes."

When you opened them you were awestruck with the sight in front of you. Farie lights had been hung from the rafters causing a warm glow around the balcony, ivy and white flowers hand been drapped on the walls givingbthe whole place a cozy feel. You looked at Loki noticing him kneeling in front of you, you opened your mouth to make a comment but quicky shut it not wanting to ruin the moment.

"Y/n Barton there is no one else I would rather travel the nine realms with but you, I would walk across time and space to see you smile. Would you please do me the honor of being my princess? My Queen? For all eternity? Will you marry me?" He pulled out a small black box for his pocket and opened it revealing a silver band entwind with a beautiful type of black metal a small emerald sat nestled between the two holding the jewel in place. Your eyes shot up to his and tears started to flow. You didnt trust you voice in that moment son you simply shook your head.

He was on his feet in no time easily slipping the band on your finger before wrapping his arms around your waist pulling you close to him. You placed your hands on either side of his face pulling him into you for a kiss. "Yes." You mumbled aginst his lips as he smiled into the kiss. "A million times yes!"

"We are going to have a wedding!" Thor yelled from the open door causing you both to jump. You looked up in time to see everyone that had been in the living room crowed around watching the two of you. "Lady y/n, a fine sister you will make!" Thor beamed picking you up into a crushing hug.

"You can have her! Ive had her as a sister long enough." Clint said beside you as he leaned down to kiss you cheek. "Congrats sis."

"You knew didnt you?" You smiled.

"Of course I did. Hes kinda old school, asked if it would be ok if he asked you. Nice guy, once you get past the whole mind control thing." You smacked his in the chest.

"In my defence you did try to shoot me woth an arrow that exploded." Loki said wrapping his arm around your waist.

"Ill take back the approval to marry my sister." He saod looking straight at him.

"No you wont, ive already said yes. Besides he really makes me happy. Truly honestly happy." You smiled looking up at Loki giving him another kiss.

~~~~~~

Tag list:

@kgirardin

@sophlubbwriting

@supbeeches

@high-functioning-lokipath

#loki laufeyson #loki odinson #loki #loki avengers #loki daily #loki fanfic #loki fanfiction #loki x reader #loki fluff #loki x y/n #loki request #loki masterlist #mcu loki #avenger loki #loki x you #lokilaufeyson #loki one shot #loki (marvel)#loki of asgard

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heartmeadows · 3 years

Text

So, uhh hi. I’m sorry about my last post. I do think I overshared, not by much but still by enough that I’ve felt ashamed ever since. And avoided posting anything else or responding to anyone. I’ve needed time to figure things out and I have actually finally overcome some big obstacles that have been in the way of my healing, recovery, whatever you wanna call it. I’m unfortunately gonna ramble so it’s gonna be under a read more

It’s taken over 6 months for me to even be able to truly feel and be present, and stop isolating myself, pushing people away, and avoiding facing my fears and troubles.... among other effects, symptoms, etc. of trauma. Trauma fucks you up. I think by now most people know that. But I’m ready to stop wallowing in self pity and hate, and letting my C-PTSD run the show. I can do better, I can be brave. I know I have more in me. It’s just that whenever I take steps back and/or I get hurt I need time to recover my strength to get back up and keep going on. With survival, recovery, all that. I do things my way no matter what. And it’s a mess most of the time. But there’s also the other side of it all. I don’t have a word for it. I suppose what I mean is that despite it all the pain me and the people I love, and even strangers and any of us, have experienced and keep experiencing there’s still hope. There’s hope, joy, light and beauty in life even during the darkest times. Sometimes the pain just blinds me too much. I could keep going on about... a lot. Pretty words. Wise words. Things I’ve learned and things I’m learning. But I have a tendency to write or talk too much, or not at all. I really find it hard to be in the middle, I always will be bipolar. Not in a quirky way, not in an ableist way some people tend to use words without understanding their meaning. I mean that I have bipolar disorder, among other issues or qualities. I guess I’m not exactly making sense fully or making any definitive point. But it’s not like I can currently can. I’m still figuring things out. I just mean that I’m me. I don’t know how to be anything else, nor do I want to ever pretend again to fit in. I learnt some dark but needed lessons the hard way. I won’t ever allow my loneliness to be a way for people to hurt me because in my desperation to feel like I belong I turn to the wrong people and trust the kind of people no one should. Anyway, I digress. It’s one step and one day at a time. And it’s ok. And I’m ok. And I’m also not ok. I’m a lot of things. A collection of paradoxes. Always liked that sentence and still find it something I could pretty much get tattooed because I relate to it on a deep level no matter how pretentious it might sound to some people. But yeah, I’m rambling. It’s well past midnight, I just had a cigarette and a cup of coffee earlier in my garden in the lovely summer air. The nights are already getting darker but I enjoy that. I don’t mind that my sleeping schedule keeps changing constantly and that I am living both a life of night owl and an early bird. Guess I’m a versatile bird lmao. Honestly, I’m going through that whole “sudden” moment of clarity at the most inconvenient time ‘cause it’s not like I can get my shit together right now. I’ve just found the positivity and hope I’ve been searching for. I’ve found solutions to a lot of problems. It’s that same old “I know all the answers to the questions I’ve had lately” but not really that hyperbolic. I’m thankfully not manic. I know what I need to do in order to start getting better again. I also know that it’s gonna take a lot of courage to do most of the things that will help me get forward. It’s not gonna be easy. But it’s time to stop waiting for things to change without actually working to change things. I’m just... over the past. I’m ready to let go of the pain and of the person I was that I’ve been longing to be again, and also of the regret and shame of the person that I became at times that I never wanted to be. I thought that I had to cling onto the past in order not to lose myself after going through trauma that made me truly feel like I’d lost everything to the point I went too far and attempted suicide four fucking times. After years of not even so much as cutting myself. You know, not my first attempts but my worst ones because it’s a miracle after miracle surviving these overdoses. It’s hard to understand I guess. I really thought I’d lost everything. That they took everything from me. But I was wrong. I understand now that after everything I’ve finally come to a point where I can re-invent myself. To choose where I want my life to head towards and who I truly want to be. I’ve already come so far, for example I’ve finally overcome my addiction to hard drugs. And I never thought I could do that. But I kept trying. I kept going. I relapsed last year and that lead to all the misery that has followed me. But I got through it. I still have my other, physical addiction to meds that are for now the only way I can cope with my physical issues and also numb myself to a point. But I know I’ll find a way out of this one too. I won’t let anything or anyone destroy me anymore. I’ve made mistakes and I’ve learnt lessons the hard way. I’ve paid the price of asking too many questions in life and wanting to find the answers by being stupid, reckless, too trusting, too lonely, too self destructive. I guess I still have to figure out how to stop rambling too much, especially when I’m pretty sure without all the context a lot of this doesn’t make sense. So, I’ll just try my best to finish this post with saying that I’m ready to let go, move on and re-invent myself again. Like I said. But not fully, like I have done before. I’m not changing my name again (and people have stopped calling me by my deadname, if it’s ok to use that word to describe my birthname that isn’t my name at all, not in any way, and I changed it legally a long time ago too) or dying or cutting my hair, nah. I’m not fully happy with the surface level of my identity and life right now because I’ve gained weight, gotten more ill and started to age in a way I know is caused by being unhealthy (stupid to keep smoking still even after being in a coma and a breathing machine way too many times by now because of the overdoses)... It’s hard to make this short, sorry. What I mean is that I’m disappointed and hurt with where my choices and the consequences of not only my acts but others have lead me to. But it’s not over. Because I’m alive, I survived and I still have a chance to change things for the better. And to truly be myself and get back on track on my journey of self improvement and recovery, healing. It’s not too late like I thought. I can still be Lena and for that to mean that I can become someone I can truly be proud of. To be someone the people in my life can look up to. And to keep following the path I create for myself, to pursue my freedom and my passions. To let go of the self destruction. To walk the path of light and accept the dark but not let it control me. I can find balance, mentally, physically and spiritually. I can heal. Everything’s gonna be ok. So I’ll just stop here. I’m gonna go sim, to be honest, and I’ll hope to post sims stuff again soon enough. If anyone actually read this annoyingly long post I thank you for your patience and for listening to me, so to speak. It’s important for me to post this so that I can come back to this in those moments I feel low again. To have a reminder that will give me strength to keep going on.

#personal

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rochey1010 · 4 years

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Hi guys, 👋 i just wanted to make a post about something that i feel is about to happen on the show, like i am completely convinced of this now.

I'm seeing major foreshadowing going on with Elu and what will be the outcome of the spoiler movie plot.

Ok, so something i've noticed with Eliott this season is that he's kinda in his own world. Yes i know they are showing his individualism and i'm happy to see that because i think he's a beautiful and complex character and deserves so much insight.

But certain things i've noticed in scenes and certain things i've heard Eliott say is starting to make me think we are heading for Eliott having his own rock bottom moment. I'm just gonna list some things that seem to connect for me.

• The hiding and lying really been highlighted with Eliott's arc. The almost casual way too. Like it's a habit and second nature. He's done it so much in my eyes to hide his true self that it's basically become a mask now. How he justifies these things to others and how oblivious he really is to how others see it too. How outside perspective is different from Eliott perspective e g. Lola calling him out with the urbex hiding, Lucas's anger when he was blindsided with Lola being in their home.

•For the first time ever with Lucas we see him at Daphne's party monitoring himself in regards to Eliott's mental illness. He's not monitoring Eliott and i have a theory on that. Lucas is so afraid of being a Lucille that he's passive with things that may be seen as controlling. So instead he tries to be cautious and make the situation about it being Lucas's choice and not a choice made for Eliott. I don't think it's an accident at all that Arthur walks up to Lucas and Eliott and wants to share a joint and Lucas who is cuddling Eliott and playing with his hair brushes Arthur off without saying what the audience is picking up on. For the first time ever we see Eliott chafe under this and we are aware that Eliott knows what Lucas is doing. Eliott tells him in an almost biting the tongue way to go and it's ok. And Lucas says these very telling words "Can i?" And Eliott says "yes Lucas" Lucas then happy kisses Eliott on the cheek and goes off with Arthur.

• The argument Lola wakes up to where we see that Eliott impulsive, forgot to let Lucas know what he was coming home to. Now i must say i don't blame Eliott for not doing this as the night was intense. And he'd just saved a girl from attempted rape and was prob up for hours with her and got very little sleep himself. But i also see Lucas's point too. Lucas is passionate. It's not out of character. It is part of who Lucas is. That is why he is a hedgehog. He is simply prickly and reactive. We have seen this throughout the show. He initially acts in a defensive way (hedgehog quills) and then he calms and deals. But again we see Lucas thrown off guard with Eliott and his impulsivity. So they are yelling and then Lucas says "she has problems" and Eliott tells him he has problems too, and Eliott acts offended that Lucas is being judgmental. And again it's a trait with Lucas too, and highlights again the group dynamics and the reaction to outsiders. Lucas accepts Eliott's illness but found it hard to accept his mothers. His love for Eliott changed his perceptive though as we see in S3. Lucas still shows that he has prejudices. He has made comments that are ignorant and unfair throughout the show e.g. mental illness, LGBTQ+, ableism with Arthur, Panphobia stereotypes etc. He just did it again with Lola. Like i said before, i play no favourites i see these characters as complex and when they're messy or flawed they are more interesting to me. So i have no issues when they F up. They're young, insecure, and it feels true to life. But yeah i notice with Lucas (again highlighting insulation in the group v isolation in outsiders) that Lucas has a moral view. If i care and love you i will accept you warts and all. If you are unknown and alien my quills are ready to go. And this is a direct contrast to Eliott who comes in and spreads his arms ready to hug the world. Even adopts furry animals. 😍

Then again something is said that shows how Lucas views his position with Eliott and his mental health. Eliott gives a hypothetical and says to lucas if he were in trouble Lucas would want him to be helped and safe, and Lucas says back. Yeah, but Lucas himself should be that person that should handle it. Now i don't blame Lucas. He loves Eliott so much and he wants him safe but i got subtle control out of that comment and an implication that Eliott can't handle himself. And we see the direct contrast the night before when Eliott, who the last time we saw in that hoodie with the hood raised, he was at his worst and crying in La Petite Ceinture needing rescue. But now he's the one that finds his power and rescues someone else. That he is capable, individual and has 2 feet.

•The mental illness talk with Lola and us learning more of Eliott's past. I loved this because we again see Eliott speak for himself. We get the much begged for past history of Eliott and his struggles. And he gets to impart wisdom and help someone else. That there is power in this friendship with Lola. For Eliott he not only sees the mistakes of his past he can rectify but he can be strong and guide someone out of the darkness he once found himself in. I find that incredibly beautiful and amazing character insight. But again it highlights how oblivious Eliott is to his actions on the one he loves most. His Lucas. Like i could write a huge ass post on Eliott alone and why he does the things he does, but i may get kicked off the tag if i do. 😄 but 2 words come to mind with Eliott and his love with Lucas.

FEAR: The fear of the past repeating and control happening AND the fear of being real and true because it's too much and you are a burden. And it all being rooted in his mental illness.

"i don't know how to control it and it is killing me"

Eliott tells Lola that his bipolar episodes can be quite violent. That there are funny ones (choc labrador thievery) and very sad ones (3 time attempt to take your life) like i knew his past was dark. (anyone that creates a refuge to release in and cry like you're still hiding, even from yourself and uses that as a coping mechanism?) Something horrible must have happened for you to resort to that.

And i've always maintained that Eliott is one of the darkest Even's, and France have not romanticised the portrayal of his mental illness in any way shape or form. He has snapped at lucas during his crash , had episodes where lucas can only watch him helplessly and love him regardless, his insta journal has been quite heartbreaking with his mental/emotional state, he sometimes won't take his meds, he'll hide his bipolar out of fear and run, he has his personal refuge, he's tried to take his life, he needs to get away and breathe, and he still has suicide thoughts even though he has Lucas. You have got to applaud the show with how they've handled Eliott and his illness. It's very real, and you may love someone immensely but depression doesn't care what they mean to you. They will be by your side but they can't fix you and love your mind to better health. You're still gonna have negative thoughts, you're still gonna slip and regress but having the one you love hold your hand makes it easier to navigate those scary moments. 👏

But through this something dawned on me. Eliott is sabotaging his relationship in his pursuit not to. And i gotta say i find that so sad. He's creating this love bubble, actually they both are, and nothing can penetrate the love bubble. That means fears and insecurities stay outside. He's lying and hiding to protect himself, protect Lucas from himself and keep Lucas from leaving him. Lucas is too but that essay is for another time. 😄 and he says to Lola that to love someone is to accept them even with their flaws. But he's lying to Lola too because he won't let Lucas see his flaws because it means Lucas leaves. 😭 we saw Eliott once open up to Lucas in S3 Lundi and the way Maxence played that scene was beautiful, because you see just how heavy being mentally ill is on Eliott. That he believes he'll just ruin everything around him

"things will change, i don't want them to but they will and it'll be because of me"

He can't keep eye contact with Lucas and his entire demeanour is one of wobbly defeat. You have never seen Eliott more vulnerable in this moment. His shame, embarassment, and self loathing is oozing out of his pores. He doesn't even want Lucas to have to deal with it, and his expectation is that the relationship ends here. And to add to that, he shows just how much he loves Lucas by saying how he can't bear to see him hurt or in any kind of pain. Lucas fights for them and Eliott has hope. But we realise that things don't just change overnight, days, months etc. Eliott still has demons inside him that tell him hurtful and toxic things that all people who suffer with mental illness go through. And when Lucas tells him he loves him there's still a voice in Eliott that says " for how long" and "you won't when you see who i am" i'm not exaggerating here. I deal with mental illness and it destroys your self worth. It is a daily fight and you kinda can see yourself as an alien in the world. It really has the power to twist your perception of the world in the ugliest way. FYI and TMI but when i had a severe anxiety episode that had crept up over years of denial and added to a huge life stressor. It lasted weeks before i accepted i needed help. I used to do what Eliott would do, and when it was too much i would up and leave, go to a nearby park and sit on the bench alone and sad. One time i looked up at the clouds and instead of seeing the beauty of nature, i saw mockery. I actually saw clouds laughing at me. 😄 no it wasn't delusions. It was simply a twisted perception of the world where there was self loathing, failure, and the feeling of powerlessness. I don't know why i included this, sorry for the discomfort. ☺️

But back to Eliott. Lola asks if things will be ok with him and Lucas. Eliott is like yeah and just throws out:

"He's worried about me, i have bipolar disorder, do you know what that is?"

Anyone else pick up on the emphasis Eliott does there in his relationship with Lucas. Brings it back to the mental illness and the oblivious nature of other things, like miss-communication and hiding things. Like Eliott's world in this relationship is "I have bipolar disorder" like that's a huge focus for Eliott.

Then they are comparing loves. Eliott telling Lola that "And i have Lucas, I can't lose this" we are actually hearing this from his mouth, and again, the reinforcement of the root of Eliott's insecurities. I can't lose Lucas. He has made my life better and makes the bad stuff not so overwhelming and scary AKA i'm afraid he will leave. So i will use my power to stop that from happening. She's sad and tells Eliott she had a Lucas (Maya) but lost her. Eliott tells her to find her Lucas and if she loves her she'll accept her. Which is obviously going to happen with Maya and Lola. She'll tell her the past which is connected to Lola's addict issues. And like Lucas, Maya's love for Lola will help her to overcome her pain and move forward, and Lola to find her light and not be so scared of her darkness.

• Every single time Eliott is asked by someone about him keeping things from Lucas. His answer is the obsessive "i want to protect him and i don't want to stress him or worry him" We saw it with Imane in S4 and we saw it with Lola recently. We add on the inner insecurities with "It'll be too much and he won't stay" and here's Eliott folks. 😔 We know he has an arc this season. Max said Eliott has a beautiful emotional journey, and that he helps the main with his past.

But one thing that every person who goes through emotional turmoil AKA Skam season main journey. It's called the moment that is the wake up call for the character. The moment that you are at your lowest and you must face yourself. Eliott can't be main as he's blocked but we are seeing that he has a lot of focus. So far he's in the show a lot and very active too.

We know that Elu's seasons long issues are being addressed finally. We know that Eliott himself will be addressed. What's one thing that has remained the same in Eliott and Lucas's love? The hiding things from Eliott and Lucas forgiving him AKA Lucas has never left. What's one thing that could be a very scary wakeup call for Eliott? Lucas leaving.

Now i don't think those scenes are throwaway at all, and i don't think the dialogue is either. They've slowly set this arc up since S5 for Eliott and the relationship with Lucas. Little stressors that just watching S5 you play off but now paired with S6 become very serious. I've mentioned some of them in other posts. We know the spoiler movie is coming. We know how lucas reacts to Eliott being honest and we can almost say how Eliott reacts = impulsivity and rebellion.

But the fallout? And i do think the story is going there guys. Which i'm fine with tbh, along with the conflict and the relationship. Saying it's just drama or out of the blue would be a humongous lie. This has been building for seasons and it is incredibly consistent with the relationship and the characters. Now i'd agree with fans if Eliott and Lucas were eternally blissful and then suddenly boom issues. But that hasn't happened at all. It's been tiny little stressors building up to the eventual crack, or my analogy = the bubble eventually pops.

So the movie happens, and for Lucas it's the straw that breaks the camel's back. His breaking point for him to end the relationship or leave Eliott. And it's Eliott's breaking point. We have his words, we didn't need them, let's be real, but we have them. He needs Lucas and everyone knows how much he loves him. Like that is not even debatable. Eliott is deeply in love with his hedgehog. But it's the wake up call to the relationship, and it's the wakeup call to Eliott. He can't continue this self sabotage and he has to face everything. But guys, Eliott really emphasised his need for Lucas. That ultimately tells me he's put his mental health on this need too. I think Eliott is going to be triggered and spiral. Like i'm sure of it now. And i think that is when S3 main Lucas will have his talk with S6 main Lola. I think she's gonna bring them back together. And i think that's what Flavie meant in her live "she helps him too"

I just wanna say i'm not gonna be in the tag saying Eliott or Lucas is a villain. I think it's sad when stress happens we pit the characters against each other. I wish the fanbase could be compassionate and empathetic. And you may not agree with what a character does but you accept that these characters are not black and white and they make mistakes, mess up and do stupid shit. It's the journey that we all go on and as other fans have said, growth is not linear.

Finally, god these posts are getting longer. I've lurked for so long and now my thoughts are just piling up. 😄 but yeah, i noticed some fans say that this Lucas and Eliott stuff should be over, they're together a year so should have dealt with their issues. Like i just have to say to that what?? Like relationship issues happen. You don't just fix them and bam happily ever after. The same issues can crop up throughout a relationship, because you are not just dealing with you as a unit but you are dealing with you as an individual too. You have the baggage the relationship causes and your carry on's that you yourself bring to the relationship. Your own personal issues and insecurities can continue to crop up causing problems.

Stressors can expose cracks, and that is what is happening. Denying and placing to the side issues like you'll deal with them later but you never do because you're afraid of the response thinking The relationship fails or you lose each other. Like think of anxiety. It's the ultimate result of not dealing with life issues. They build and build throughout life untill they become a disorder. These 2 haven't dealt with them untill now, and that's why they are coming to a head finally. And from a show perspective the format really limits them. Focusing on one main can't explore others and their issues, because the main has to be there. The only way you can do that is breaking format and Skam is quite strict with their narrative. What's happening with Eliott is a case of 'this is the best we can do' he's blocked but they want to give this beloved character the insight the fanbase has been begging for. They don't usually do this. Usually it's the main and his/her ensemble but this time it's the main + 2 part mains in Daphne and Eliott. The ensemble is background this season. And Eliott has an arc since S3 so of course they are going to bring these seasons built relationship issues to the surface and address them. They are wrapping up the old generation and handing over to new now. All these threads are being dealt with.

So what i said about stressors exposing cracks. Well here's a stressor? moving in together. Before Eliott lived alone, with his parents checking in frequently (prob his bipolar disorder) but he could breathe and be, and hide and be alone whenever he wanted. Now he's living with Lucas. And they love each other but there are teething problems. We saw them laid beautifully in S5, and being together only a year is really nothing. Most of that would be a honeymoon period, let's be honest here. And they have such an intense and emotional love. Like they are young (17/18 and 19/20) and have found the life partner they want. Just think about that, and the issues of that responsibility as well. In reality you don't find your life partner at that age. You really don't.

And people mess up. They make mistakes and they grow but it's not a full stop there. You make other mistakes and you mess up. And environmental triggers can happen that can make more mistakes happen, and can even make you regress. You fight in life. You don't sail through it. Does anybody? So yeah, oh sweet the lovebirds moved in together but moving in together has also highlighted issues not dealt with. Couples face tests. And importantly that "minute par minute" scene is now being seen in action. That means the bad times as well as the good. This relationship started in so much fear for both and i'm sorry that level of fear doesn't just poof away. We are seeing that.

Now i'm done. I really don't blame anyone if they don't read this. Even i'm ashamed at the length. But will i still post it? Yep 😄💜

#skam france #eliott demaury #skamfr #lucas lallemant #lola lecomte

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the-satellite · 4 years

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Hello friends and welcome to ☆Hateful Nostalgia☆. I was exposed to the mob talker mod WAY too young bc I was an unsupervised child on the internet watching mod showcases and SkyDoesMinecraft. Looking back these sucked, the stories were often bland and the designs were milk toast at best and tits out at worst. So for the sake of procrastinating on working on anything substantial I grabbed the main 6 I remembered and gussied em up. Redesigns, rewrites, better names, all that bullshit. If your interested in better photos, design notes, story details and rambling hit the basement, otherwise here's a line up you should click for better quality.

Also I wrote all this once before already but I deleted it like a dumb bitch. On the night Unus Annus was murdered in front of my eyes no less. Was a rough fuckin night.

The Creeper- Kupa. An explosive pyromaniac with a habit of making empty threats and yelling. She protects what she believes to be her territory with a suicidal passion, but if you manage to get her to cool down and soften up she's pretty sick to hand out with. Hard of hearing, has at least one bout of head trauma at all times, and deathly allergic to cats.

Because the creeper is kinda the og I wanted to reference AT2's design more than the others, but I'm p sure the only thing I actually kept was the red hair and brown gloves. Otherwise I was doing whatever. I really wanted to lean into the explody bit of creepers, so I gave her some bite and dressed her in clothes referenced from Irish railroad workers. This may also be why I keep imaging her with a very heavy Irish or Scottish accent, whichever would be most incomprehensible when angry. Every color but her skin was color picked from one of the references, with some minor alterations for makes my eyes happy reasons.

With Kupa I imagine a story line with her would largely be about her as a character and her development than like an actual adventure narrative like everyone else. She starts off ready to blow up both you and herself in a misguided attempt to defend what she sees as her's and opens up and learns not everyone is out to get her. Lots of time taken to understand her childhood and how she ended up how she is. Very simple, probably the default or tutorial run people would go through.

The Zombie- Bee. The ill husk of a missing explorer suffering from a less than conventional appetite. She wallows in her self imposed loneliness, believing herself to be an irredeemable monster doomed to hurt those around her. What she really needs is a buddy and some clue to who she used to be. Rough voiced, chronically fatigued, and prone to spontaneous combustion in sunlight.

I definitely consider this one the weakest for design sadly. I imagined Zombies as humans who went into strange caves and caverns and didn't come out for years, only to pop up as completely different people. I just tossed AT2's design. The first thing I did was make her a bit of a genderbent Steve and tinted her green bc Zombies in game are just Steve but green. Tore up her clothes, colored picked the darkest colors I could from the clothes on the in game and boom, Bee. I do vaguely regret not making her eyes pure black but I also still wanted her to be human enough to fit with the other overworld mods.

Ok so Bee actually has a basic story. When you meet her she's aggressive, but as a warning. She fears the possibility she may hurt somebody so heads for threats immediately. Going back and forth between her cave and village for a while you learn more about the situation with the missing folks who come back and Bee as a person. After a bit you pick her up off her depressed ass and start a nocturnal adventure of refinding your past, adapting to who your becoming, overcoming self destuction, and slow burn babey!!!

The Skeleton- Ulna. One of the few surviving warriors of a now destroyed kingdom and dead culture. She spends most of her time now traveling alone, hiding in trees and shooting anything see sees as a threat- which is everything- in the face with homemade arrows. Very much suffering from loss of her home and a bad case of lost purpose. A woman of few words, very antisocial, and naturally nocturnal.

I came in with the Skeleton wanting to make her seem mysterious, so my first thought was immediately a cloak and a mask, but I wanted her face to like be visible so I went with the face paint. I didn't actually know that I wanted to do under there so I went with wraps that are reminiscent of the original outfit but still not tits out bc it's so fucking easy! Gave her a quiver, color picked the cloak and face paint from the in game model and the wraps from AT2'S art. I did like. Subconsciously draw her eyes the way I do Asian characters but I didn't have anything specific in mind so like go nuts with what you think she is.

Ulna's deal is very much her lack of purpose or home and the entire thing is about finding that again. She's found sitting up in a tree during a storm pointing a bow and arrow into your face. She eventually let's you stick around until the storm is over and theres some bonding into deep night until the rain stops. You ask if she wants to come with on your little travelling sword for hire business, she says sure, sleep schedule shenanigans, backstory angst, and road trip bonding happens and she eventually decides that helping people is her new purpose and you're her new home

The Spider- Park. A young adult experiencing the world for the first time through her tribe's rite of passage. She's really just trying to figure out how to live life outside of the cave she's been stuck in her entire life and aggressively trying to be an independent adult despite not knowing anything about being an independent adult. Its projection. Blind in the daylight, naive and excitable, and taken to refusing help at her own risk.

Ok so. I don't know who looked at the spider and said "purple haired loli with puffy pants" so I once again yeeted the whole thing, only really keeping the kinda cutesy and childish bits. Spiders are a tribe of humans what live in caves unless they've broken off to live on the surface. Kids are kept inside until they hit a certain milestone, where they come up to explore at night. They're usually small and pale, but are pretty kickass when necessary. Again picked the colors off the in game model, played with the lightest gray for the skin, and bc I couldn't figure out anyway to use the stripes so they're on the patches lol.

Park's meeting is probably the funniest and most meet cute one here, in that she accidentally drops on top of you from a little cliff drop off. Cue loads of apologies and an explanation about the spider deal and being blind in light. She asks for some help getting around and bam babey friendship and emotional attachment! What follows is kinda a buddy of coming of age story with the obligatory goes home and is miserable scene. Generally it's just about being a scared young adult and having someone to fall back on and why that's important. Also crushes and young people being bad at that.

The Blaze- Amber. A demonic entity who would let the world burn and the sun die if it meant she'd get her soul back. She's known for being ruthless, taking souls through force instead of making deals like other Blazes. Keeps this forceful nature even once she's become friendly, makes you do dump shit. Territorial, eyes glow and dim with her life, and runs remarkably warm.

Amber here is the first one I actually did! I was just. Really tired that she was in a bikini. I decided early on I wanted overworld mobs to be human and everyone else was decidedly not, so Blazes are demons who gave up their souls under false pretenses to other Blazes. Because of how little clothes AT2's design wore I had essentially free reign and my thought was immediately to lean on golden knight bc of how Blazes are found protecting fortresses. The gold isn't picked from anything bc I was looser with the colors, but everything else is, and the hair is supposed to represent the smoke. Also the sticks in her hair are blaze rods bc I don't like them just floating around her.

Amber is found in the Nether obviously, protecting a fortress and immediately trying beat your ass and either incinerate you or make you give up your soul. During you prove yourself a p damn good fighter and she makes a deal to show you how Blazes exist and pursade you to give your soul up willingly. Bonding happens and she explains where the souls go and what happened to her. Insert line about how she dug in the sand for her soul until her fingers bleed bc I'm an Arcana freak lol. In general I'd just like her to learn to adapt to who she is now and learning to live life well instead of letting her anger burn her up from the inside out.

The Enderman- Violet. A confused but sweet young bit of void created by and connected to the Ender Dragon. Her relationship with reality is tenuous at best and abusive at worst, making stable existence rather difficult. She doesn't know a name, age, gender, anything about herself aside from that she likes sweaters. Communicates primarily through psychic connections, docile and sweet, and melts like a witch in water.

Violet was incredibly easy, so this may be way short. Endermen are decidedly human shaped void from the End with varying sentience. They're direct extensions of the Ender Dragon, and nobody knows how they're made or where they come from, not even they do. Adventurers who escaped The End say they seem scared of it though. Violet in particular is pretty damn new and extraordinary nonconforming, and I tried to show that with her sweater and ponytail. Once again, literally all colors picked. Definitely the simplest but one of my favs.

Violet is the sweetest meet up I think. As your traveling between villages you notice a strange enderman watching you and plant a little flower in front of her. She picks it and you hear a happy little trill come from you and a pretty voice say thank you in your head. Now you have a tall dark teleporting travel buddy! After a little bit of back and forth she tells you in some broken English that the Ender Dragon made her but she doesnt know how, and that it's bad and needs to be killed for the sake of Endermen and that's the new goal. Spoiler they're the corrupted souls of those that died fighting it, with it gone Endermen are free to exist as their own being and do whatever, hurray!

#cosmic entity's art #minecraft #mob talker mod #mc creeper #mc zombie #mc skeleton #mc spider #mc blaze #mc enderman #character design

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scandeniall · 4 years

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not a good day

pairing: akaashi x reader

summary/warnings: um yeah i was sad yesterday, started this. idk sad!reader. this isnt edited at all and idk if it even makes sense

wc: 981

The art of attentive listening is one Akaashi considered himself to be an expert at. In fact, he priced himself on the ability to listen and read others and work accordingly. It’s a skill first developed during his volleyball days, and even now as an editor he uses it frequently . When a writer says one thing he can easily decipher the underlying meaning.

However, Akaashi would admit to anyone who asked that it was you to help him fine tune the ability. Listening to your hopes and dreams, fears as happiness. Listening is what built trust and that is ultimately the foundation of love

Akaashi knew the day was not a good one the first glimpse he caught of you. He’d woken up due to a clap of thunder so loud and deadly that it shook the structure of your house. Wiping the accumulated sleep out of his eyes he glanced up, his eyes narrowing on the 3am displayed in red. Shifting to his other side, he’d been met with the back of his love.

Akaashi watched in silence for a moment before his forehead crinkled in confusion. He shifted his body closer to your back, before propping up on one shoulder to peer down at you. He wordlessly presses a kiss onto your own cheek, mumbling a soft “I love you” in your ear.

He watched the tiniest movements in your body as you inhaled and exhaled. He knew you were awake and he knew the tell tale signs that today would be one of those days. By the way you blinked all to easily he could tell you’d been up for quite a while. The stillness in your body told him movement was entirely too draining. The way your eyes seemed hyper focused on the darkest corner of the bedroom told him that your mind waged its own storm similar to the one outside. Akaashi knew today would not be a good day and he picked up on that the first glimpse he saw of you.

The morning came and the storm continued. It was now nearing 10 am. As Akaashi sat up he’d noticed a change in your movements within the last few hours. While only your lower half had been covered my the comforter, now it had been pulled over your head and your body cocooned.

He wordlessly peeled the fabric away from your face to barely brush his lips over yours. “Do you want to be alone for now,” at the nod he bit back his own sigh before agreeing. The decision to leave you alone was one that came over time. Listening to the fact that you preferred to spend dark days alone paired with his insistence that he would always be here. It was easier before the two of you resided in the same house. Much easier to shut off your phone and for him to go run errands and return to his own home. Now he was forced to watch you in frustration yet respect your own wishes. However, you’d managed to compromise. He agreed to check in on you every few hours in between going about his own day.

By the time lunch time rolled around akaashi had decided to make his first check in of the day. He sat the sleeve of crackers and leftover soup on the bedside table before turning his attention. You’d managed to go from your side to rest on your stomach, the pillow covering your head. You heard his soft greeting as you felt the dip in the bed.

“I brought some lunch up.” The words were accompanied by a warm hand slipping under both the cover and your shirt to rest on your back. When he revived no response, Akaashi opted for rubbing comforting circles across the expanse of your back. “(Y/N). You should eat something.” He carefully moved the pillow away to get a look at your own tear stained face.

You watched with bleary eyes as Akaashi briefly locked his own jaw before letting out a sigh. The hand on your back had halted its motions before it moved to stroke the skin of your cheek. “I’m here when you need me.” After a nod, his lips found the corner of your mouth before he made his own exit.

Night came before either of you knew it, and Akaashi had given up on getting you out of the bed for the day. As he neared the end of his Netflix show he’d decided to call get it an early night. But before, he could tune out and find his way back beside you a dip in the couch caught his attention.

“Hey,” The words came out horse. An effect of not using your vocal cords for the day paired with the silent crying. Carefully Akaashi made a movement to get cider and once he knew it were ok to do so his arm found its way around you and your neck buried in his shoulder. The follow up to one of your bad days was routine and this was the first step at getting you back.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Akaashi found himself nodding at your promise of later before pressing a kiss to your clothed shoulder. Minute by monthly found yourself relaxing more into his touch as the two of you started another episode. The warmth he’d missed from you paired with the ultra soft blanket you said the living room had to have.

Slowly you began to offer your own bits of commentary on the show, him nodding along and occasionally offering a whisper of his own. Akaashi knew you were back once you’d finally placed a soft kiss on his lips.

“Thank you for everything”

“I’m always here”

On days like this, those words conveyed all the love, and affirmation that either of you could need.

a/n: yeah um im coming back from my vacation soon so ill probs get back to really writing soon

#haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #haikyuu imagine #akaashi x reader #akaashi imagine #hq imagines #haikyuu imagines

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sallertiacallidus · 4 years

Text

So, this story has been swimming around in my head for a long time and I thought it would just be that, a story in my head that I visit for comfort, boredom, a need to create stories, whatever, but recently I got really inspired and did this, the only semblance of a plot that it has is the setup so that I can just play dollhouse. But I thought I would share.

Summary: The transition is complete. Now Emily will find out if it was worth it.

English is not my first language.

Umbra - Prologue

Emily knew this day would come.

Objectively speaking.

The many PHDs in her wall are not just decoration. She knew as soon as the diagnosis came that there was no hope. And she told David just that in no uncertain terms.

But there was that small, treacherous, part of her brain that refused to give up hope. That Penny would find a way to survive. That she would find a way for Penny to survive. But there wasn't. And she knew that. But she tried anyway.

David called them “shadow zombies” when Emily tried to explain it to him. She knew he was joking just to get her riled up, but he wasn't exactly wrong. Zombies are said to be the dead brought back to life. And that's exactly what the Shadow Substance is capable of. Just not in the way she wanted. And she knew that. She was the head scientist of the study, she knew everything that there was to know about the substance to date. But during the grief and desperation it was easy to believe in the low, low probability that it would work different with humans. That it would bring Penny back. That it was worth trying.

So here she is. In her house's laboratory. With Penny's last hope. With her last hope.

“Do you know who I am?” she quietly asked, with her hands trembling and her heart beating at an unhealthy speed.

Penny's eyes- unnaturally black, but she expected some physical changes -looks up at her to her through the protective barrier. Emily is aware of her every breath as it runs her body up and down. Penny's head tilts to the side with a curious expression.

“A doctor?”

And with just two words, all the hope left was crushed to pieces and Emily barely managed to take her chair and fall on it.

Three weeks.

Three weeks since she brought her daughter's body here in a last attempt to save her. Three weeks of nights passed without sleeping, being because of her work, or because the waiting simply wouldn't let her. Three weeks making David worry about her, just worsening his own grief. She knew this was the most probable case scenario, but still. It hurts. It hurts so much. Penny is dead. Her daughter, her little girl, is truly gone. And she won't come back.

“Uhn.... doctor?”

And now there's a damn shadow zombie that won't let her forget that.

“You're crying.”

She takes a deep breath, and makes her best to regain a little of composure back. This is her fault. Her doing. Now she has to deal with it.

“Sorry. Something just finally dawned on me.” She tried to sound as steady as she could while fervently rubbing her hands on her eyes in an attempt to wipe the tears. She doesn't remember the last time she cried.

“Ok...” it sounds confused, Emily doesn't fault it for that, but it doesn't ask any further “So, can you open this glass? I need more shadows.”

Now that she's more calm, somewhat, and that the shock of seeing Penny's body moving has passed, somewhat, she realized that the... thing... has been playing with it's own shadow this whole time. The scientist in her wondered how long it took to realize that it could manipulate shadows.

“Sure.” a part of her brain warned that she shouldn't just let it roam free in the laboratory but she was too tired to care.

As soon as she put the command in the computer the heavy door at the corner of started to opening. She panicked for a second, wondering if she just made another mistake.

But the thing didn't seem interested in taking over the laboratory. As soon as the door opened, it just went straight to the wall desk and started gathering the light shadows that it produced.

With her vision less blurry and a- slightly -clearer mind, she allowed herself to truly examine the shadow being. She took notice of the differences between it and her Penny. And her heart tightened at how healthy it looks. The cheekbones are fuller and it moves swiftly and without any problems. Even the white hair seems more like a quirky in the DNA than a symptom of the illness that killed Penny. And, of course, the skin. She always wondered how it would look on a human skin. Now she has her answer. Penny already had a pretty dark skin but now it got a more gray-ish tom to it. And why does it still look more healthy than Penny ever-

No. No. Emily will not get angry at the inevitability of death. And she will not take it out on the easiest target. She will admit that she was in denial and go straight into acceptance. Easy.

The shadow being had also changed clothes, somehow. Emily's grateful for that. Small blessings.

“Where did you get those clothes?” she asked, still sounding subdued, but observing the being more keenly now.

“I made them.” it said while directing a frustrated expression to the few shadows that it managed to gather.

Looking more closely, she noticed the unnatural way that the shirt and pants absorbs the light. An iconic characteristic of the SS. The scientist in her was screaming to write down somewhere that shadow beings were able to create other objects with the substance, but she didn't have the strength to move.

“They'll be over themselves when they see you.” she muttered. “We didn't expect to have a human subject for the next couple years, since the body needs to be fresh for the SS to accept. And it would be some time before someone offered their body after death to a project like that. So," she added with a bitter laugh “I guess I gave us the best opportunity to further our research faster.”

“That's good, then” it said as it looked around, going for all of the darkest corners- in comparison -that it could reach. Emily wasn't sure if it even heard her.

“But...” she didn't even know why she was telling that to a being that only acquired consciousness through her Penny's death, but she was “Even if you're not her anymore... It was Penny's body's... my little girl... I can't just give it to the SS study it seems... wrong...”

“Then...” the thing stopped it's search through Emily's cabinet and pitch black eyes turned to her.

It tilted it's head again, and it's confused gaze was so genuine and... child-like, that Emily froze in place.

“Don't... do it?” it said, voice laced with uncertainty and a puzzled look.

She laughed. And cried. She wasn't sure why either was happening.

“Why do you have to look so much like an actual child?” she tried to shout between sobs, but it just came out as a bundled mess.

“Because I am one?” It said like it was obvious, like Emily was the weird one here.

And then it stuck. Of course. Of course. The Shadow Substance uses others' previous living beings as a mould to form a more complete consciousness. And since she just offered her 12 year old daughter to it, it- they formed a child's mind. She hoped that it would be her child's mind, but she should have known. She's the head of the study, she knows that shadow beings don't take all of the previous living creature traits, if it even takes any, outside of the basics of their neurological system. But she chose to ignore that part. And now here she is. With a child- because it is a child, if they're going to consider shadow dogs, actual dogs, then they're going to consider shadow children, actual children- that has no idea what permitted their existence.

Maybe it's guilt. Or some kind of attachment to what was previously her daughter. But either way, she says:

“You'll need your own name.” and the way they perk up makes the guilt in her chest even heavier.

#writers on tumblr #writers #my writting #prologue #Umbra #writting #original story #non human oc #oc #original character #writblr #writblur

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awarewoman · 4 years

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The day I meet the guy of my nightmares

Hello there! My name is Alice and this is my story of how did I became a psychological victim with out people knowing. Right now I am 26 years old and all my life I felt like any love for me was a privilege. But honestly this was about to change. Not every love is good witch. means that not every love is a privilege. But lets start from the beginning. Last year. When I meet the boy of my nightmares. Yes the boy of my nightmares. It was a typical Saturday night when my friend contacted me to ask me if I wanted to be part of the summer camp. They needed someone to lead the college kids. I was not sure if I should said yes but I did because I don’t know how to say no, EVER!! So I took the position of collage kids leader. The experience was very nice and I meet a lot of new interesting people. But I meet someone in particular, her name was Sally. She was a very good friend from the beginning. She was like my assistant. After camp ended we decided to continue our friendship. We talked everyday. One day she decided to introduce me to this guy that she meet over the internet like we did. His name was Ernesto. He was very nice and looked like someone that brings joy everywhere he goes. We started talking and it was very nice. Days pass and I realized that I liked him. Once I decided to tell Sally about it she said it first. She said “I like Ernesto Alice”. So of course I back down. I didn’t want her to find out that I liked the same boy she did. It was very hard for me to hide it.

One night we were talking the three of us. And Sally wanted to know who did he liked because he mention that he liked someone. She said “Alice you should ask questions and see if he confess who he liked”. And like I said before… I didn’t know how to say no. So I start asking questions to see if he said something about who it was. But there was a point that I didn’t felt confortable with the conversation so I made an excuse and let them by themselves talking. But five minutes after he texted me asking if I was ok. We started texting. For some reason it felt more confortable like this. I started to ask questions again because I did wanted to know who he liked. After an hour of texting he confessed that it was me! At this point I felt lucky and sad at the same time. I didn’t know what to do or what to tell Sally. I told him I liked him too but we both decided to keep it a secret for the good of Sally. We talked for weeks in secret. We talked normal with Sally but after we talked to her we call each other in secret and talked for hours. Talking to him made me felt like I was the lucky one. Like the fact of he loving me was a privilege that I couldn’t miss. We had some things in common and he start sharing personal deep things about him and his family. I was so happy that he was trusting me with all of his personal things.

Weeks past and one day Sally insisted too much until she found out that it was me and that we were talking in secret. It was awful. I knew this was going to happened but I wasn’t prepared. First I felt and was a very, very bad friend. But I couldn’t helped. I felt like I couldn’t pass this. Like I just won the lottery or something even better. She stoped talking to me but at least I had Ernesto! Right? Little did I know that it was the begging of a very dark time for me. I started to talk more with Ernesto and only him. No one else talked to me and I didn’t blame them. I did something very bad. But every time I though of that I reminded myself that I was lucky! I had Ernesto with me! He still made me feel amazing. But sometimes he did made me feel horrible. Every time he hung up on me to go talk to another girl. But he always said it was just a friend and that he liked me. Lets keep in mind that all this was over the phone because he live far away. But still I felt so lucky. Some nights he made me feel worthless but I still had him and that was enough for me. But little did I knew he was about to destroy me completely.

We started having argument and he made me felt like I wasn’t worth anything. He said things like “My family doesn’t like you” or “They said you’re too over weight” and I staring to believe that I didn’t deserved his love because it was a privilege and I wasn’t making him happy. Until one day… I was walking the streets of San Juan on a Friday night. This streets are famous for the antique structure and the beautiful lights. I was with my best friend and some other friends. When I felt a little weird, probably because I haven’t eaten anything. I sat down and my friends worried a little. Then out of no where this beautiful guy came and asked if we needed help. I couldn’t speak but my friend said “Yes! Please” so he said “Ok, don’t worry. Stay here with her. Ill be back”. So he ran and came back with food. After I felt better I asked him how much was everything and he said “A walk here with me”. I smiled. No one has treated me like this. I felt special with something so little. We walked and talked for hours until my friend called me and told me it was time to go. I said goodbye to him and got back to my friends. His eyes were in my mind all the way home. But I try not to think about him. I had Ernesto waiting for me to called him. When I got home I called Ernesto and he started treating me the same way he always treated me. I felt bad again. But this time was different. This time I knew I didn’t deserved this at all. I try to end things with him but as soon as he notice that he started crying saying he was sorry and explaining to me that he had a condition that make him do things he can’t control. And of course I believed him and got back with him. But the good behavior last a day.

Next day he got back to the same person he was. But this time he was more violent and intense. He Screamed at me and kept saying he was going to end things. I started living in fear. Because I though he was going to do something bad any minute. I start being careful of the way I talked to him. I didn’t want to offend him. I was afraid he was going to do something if I said the wrong thing. It was so stressful. I decided to go back to that place at the same hour I crossed paths with that guy. Just to think or maybe to feel happy for a little like the way I felt the first time I was there. I didn’t think I would find the guy. This was two months after that night and he was probably a visitor. I got there and I sat on a place where I could see the ocean and had a beautiful live music set close to me. They were playing romantic French music. My kind of music. I always wanted to go to Paris. But somehow that dream disapear the day I meet Ernesto. And in that moment I realized that I wasn’t myself for a long time. I stoped being myself to make Ernesto happy. Then just when I was lost in my darkest thoughts, someone asked “Is this sit taken?” And when I looked up… it was him. The guy. “You again?” He smiled and sat right next to me. This time we talked even more and for a moment I forgot all about Ernesto. It was a magical moment. Like one of those moment the books always describe so detail. And I didn’t wanted to end. But my mom called me because she needed me. So I said to the guy “Thank you for this wonderful company this evening! But I gotta go”. He smiled and said “Luke”. And I said “Excused me?”. He looked directly to my eyes like he wanted to know something only my eyes could tell him. “Luke its my name. Hope I get to see you again”. I smiled and went home.

After helping my mom I went to bed. I was supposed to called Ernesto but I was scared and didn’t felt prepared to be in the stress he always put me through. So I lay in my bed and in that moment I decided that it was enough. I wasn’t gonna take it anymore. I was gonna end things with Ernesto. I didn’t know how to do it. So I called the only mutual friend we had that still spoke to me. I told her everything and she told me that I needed to leave him now because he was abusing me in a psychological way and that he was toxic. I told her that I didn’t know how to do it because one time I tried and he tricked me and wanted to end his life. She said that I was going to end things over text message because it was the only way he wouldn’t convince me again. So I did. I send a message ending things. He texted me to call him but I didn’t respond. He started sending a lot of messages and calling. I was a little scared. Because I didn’t responded to any of the messages or calls he began to contact my friends through Instagram. Friends that didn’t knew him at all. Saying he was going to surprise me. People though it was cute because no one knew what was really going on. So I confess to my friend everything and after that no-one responded him again. Its been 3 months from the last time I talked to him. And I can tell you that for the first time I feel like myself again. And ready to take care of myself and dreams.

Where am I going with this story? Let people know that if you have someone in your life that its not being themselves or you think there’s something going on, don’t think it twice. Ask them if they are ok. Be there for them because the last person you think could be a victim of things like this. And believe me, its not easy to get out of that toxic life style. Its scary and very difficult. Specially when you feel like you don’t have anyone that supports you. Be aware of the people that are with you and be the help they need. Because things like this can drive people to do a lot of bad things to themselves. Even the thought of end everything. Love everyone and spread love everywhere you go. Thank you for reading.

- Alice

#depresion #story #love #toxic #beaware #takecare #speakout #dontbeafraid #psycology #woman #womanpower #empoweryourself

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hargroves-angel · 5 years

Text

Cookies And Cream 🏹🍪

Chapter 5 - Ice Cream

Warnings - Mentions Of Abuse, Fluff, Billy being baby 🥰

// Chapter 6 - Cheese Cake // Cookies And Cream Masterlist //

“Billy!” Y/N giggled. She was like an excitable puppy as she pulled him into her house.

“Woah angel what’s got you so happy?” He smirked. She had invited him over to do something, well that’s what Max said anyway. He kept trying to shove yesterday out of his mind, he didn’t care about who you liked anyway so he was confused as to why that lingering feeling of wonder wouldn’t go.

She daintily skipped as she dragged him into the kitchen. Several ingredients were placed on the counters. “What’s this?” He asked.

“We are baking! That’s why I asked your sister to tell you to come over today? I thought she told you why?” Billy shrugged. “Either way I’m on the cheerleading squad! And I’ve got my first team bake sale!” She was beaming at him, her eyes shone with joy.

“Really?! That’s great doll, didn’t know they did bake sales though” he chuckled. Looking around at the various equipment.

“It’s to get better uniforms for us and some new basketball hoops and jerseys for you guys... you know how they’re doing that cheerleader to a player thing- which reminds me!” She bounced upstairs leaving Billy for a moment.

Billy felt uneasy. He wanted to ask you who you liked but he also told himself that he didn’t care, because he didn’t... right?

She was holding a journal in her hand. It was a pastel pink colour with a white ribbon in it, she used that as book mark clearly.

“Look!” She showed him a list of names. It was various girls names on one side and boys on the other, each was paired with a line.

He read Y/N and followed the line to Billy. Who was Billy? Oh wait that was him... Jesus he’s been spending way too much time over thinking. Oh wait that was him! she was gonna be his cheerleader, he felt his heart swell. He hated it.

“Emery was meant to be paired with you, but after yesterday... she decided she wanted to go with Sean, how it works is that I’ll get given a cheerleading dress with my second name on it for when I’m cheering in competitions and practicing and then another for school games we get to switch into the special uniforms with our basketball players second name on, so mine will have Hargrove on it, team Hargrove for the win!” Y/N looked down, she seemed a little flustered. “It was Emery’s idea because Sean had given her a promise ring and she wanted to show off her future second name or something, I like the concept. I’m like your personal cheerleader!” She giggled. Billy’s heart fluttered at the thought of her being his personal cheerleader.

“Thats perf- great.. all good” he cleared his throat. Y/N felt a little unhappy with his response, she thought he’d be happier, oh well.

“Anyway!” She shoved the book onto the table and flicked through it to a decorated page. “I was up all night making a list of what we have to make, and you’re helping me!” She declared.

“What! I don’t know the first thing about baking” he protested.

“Trust me, max filled me in, so that’s why I’m gonna teach you!” She put on her cooking apron over her dress. “One second” She left the room, Billy stood in the kitchen, looking at the patterned wallpaper on her walls. He jumped when he felt her hands wrap around his middle, she pulled an apron over his head and tied it up, he wanted to lean into her touch because it just felt so comfortable, so right. He shoved the thought to the back of his mind. He looked at the black material.

“This has to be the darkest thing you own” He chuckled.

“I bought it yesterday, I couldn't really imagine you wearing frilly pink or white aprons, Bad Boy” she teased. His heart warmed at the fact that she went out of her way for him. Damn, he needed to eat... Sure was getting hungry...

They washed their hands, Billy flicked some water at Y/N and she squealed doing the same.

“Billy! Stop you’re gonna ruin my dress!” She giggled pushing him away from her and throwing a cloth at him. He quickly dried his hands before creeping up behind Y/N and tickling her sides as she tried to dry her own hands. Her soft giggled filled the room as Billy kept tickling her, they both ended up falling on the floor, laughing. “Billy! Please stop!...” she giggled. He ceased, his body hovering over hers, his face now only inches away from hers, his eyes glanced over hers, he licked his lips, the hungry feeling getting really strong his whole stomach fluttering in... hunger?

“Y/N... I think... I... - we should get up and get started” he mumbled crawling off of her. His dick wanted him to go back, that was the closest they’d been. His mind and his heart told him to leave, he felt as though maybe he didn’t want to go that far... yet. For some reason he was starting to care about her... Jesus he was starving right now, he definitely needs to go to a doctor this amount of hunger surely wasn’t normal, he’d only had breakfast an hour ago!

“Ok what are we making first?” He asked looking inside the flour bag.

“Something simple, cookies!” She beamed at him. She got on her tip toes and tried to grabbed a huge book from the cabinet.

“Here lemme help princess” Billy chuckled picking up the book with ease and placing it on the table.

“Thank you” she went to the table and flicked through it. “Ok, so we have different types to make, so classic chocolate chip, double chocolate, cupcake mix cookies and sugar cookies!” She landed on a page that had the word cookies on it and proceeded to look through the various pages after that picking out the right recipes.

“Where did you get this from?” He asked, noticing how most of the pages were old and crinkled but some where fresh.

“It’s passed down the generations in my family, this was originally my great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandmothers recipies and then once they pass on they hand it to their daughters” she smiled at his inquisitive nature.

“Jesus that’s old” he smirked. “Let’s bake then” he was actually excited, the only time he baked was with his mother back in California, he only did it once because his father shouted at him for doing ‘girly things’. This felt nice though.

Y/N and Billy baked all the different types of cookies, Billy getting various ingredients down himself.

Billy had cookie dough on his cheek and had eaten half of the chocolate chips they were meant to be using. “Come here!” She scolded him and licked her thumb wiping the dough from him.

She showed him how to cut out various shapes for the sugar cookies. Guiding his fingers to the right places and giggling whenever he got frustrated.

They moved on from the cookies to making other recipes. From doughnuts to cupcakes to even home made ice cream.

Billy’s big hands were good at kneading bread, and so he worked on a whole meal loaf whilst she tackled a Victoria sponge.

“Billy be careful! You’ll squish it” she laughed at his best efforts to bake.

“Princess I don’t understand! This is confusing” he groaned. Shoving the bread into the oven.

“That’s better, you’re doing really well Billy, these are gonna taste amazing” she giggled.

Billy was enjoying this more than he should have, he usually would’ve tried moving onto sex by now, with no interest in the actual time they spent together. But with Y/N things were different, he wanted to spend time with her... she was like an angel- his angel-

Y/N handed him a piping bag with icing in it.

“Look what happens when you squeeze it” she guided his hands to the cake she had made placing it on the spot she wanted.

Billy lightly squeezed the piping bag and the icing came out like whipped cream.

“I’m pretty good at this baking stuff” he boasted. Icing smeared down his cheek and flour down himself.

“You’re amazing Billy!” She gazed into his baby blues. He looked into hers.

Time stopped again. Billy’s Head was spinning, that damn feeling was back and his heart rate was through the roof. Not to mention how hot it was, all the windows were open and Billy had snacked on literally anything he could find and that damn hunger wouldn’t stop.

The timer pulled them both out of the trance. Y/N hurried over to the oven opening it, the scent of all their treats filling the room.

“This is the best part” She sniffed the air taking in the sweet sugary smell. Billy had a blush dusting his cheeks. Watching this angel in front of him.

Maybe he wasn’t feeling hungry... maybe it was something else. He pushed it to the back of his mind.

Billy blinked quickly and helped her get the cookies and desserts out of the oven.

“These turned out perfectly Billy!” She showed him the treats. There was one dodgy cookie in the corner.

“Ahh there’s my practise cookie” he smirked grabbing it off the burning hot tray and immediately flinching backwards. “Fuck!” he yelled holding his hand. Y/N put the tray down and took Billy to the sink, she ran cold water over his finger.

“What am I going to do with you” she rubbed his back, nursing his finger under the cold water. “That feeling better?” She asked after 2 minutes. He nodded. Feeling a bit embarrassed. Also a little confused, no one usually cared when he got hurt. It was usually ‘Man up pussy and get over it’, it felt nice to be cared for. “Let me kiss it better” she pressed her lips to his hand and placed a soothing kiss on it.

Ok she definitely was an angel, it’s like it just stopped burning immediately, or maybe it was the fact that it had been under freezing cold water for a minute or two but still, that small kiss made his mind go fuzzy.

“It’s all good, didn’t hurt that much” he brushed off.

“Sure thing bad boy” she handed him a cool rag and he held it on his fingers and thumb. “Anyway now that that’s over we can package everything, my second favourite part” She took him to the dining room, baskets and plastic wrap was around the place, bows and labels next to them.

“How about you hand me the treats, once they’ve cooled down, and I’ll wrap them and then you write the label and then ill put the bow on top, let’s start with cookies”

Billy handed her several cookies, keeping one for himself and biting into it. He wrote down the labels.

Y/N placed some in a big basket and a couple spread into small gift boxes similar to the one she gave him when they first met.

They moved on through the treats. Soon enough it was dark outside and everything had been complete.

Y/N and Billy sat down in her room, both laughing at one of his stories about Tommy.

“That’s mean!” She giggled.

“He deserved it” Billy protested. Their laughing calmed down and Billy looked up at the time. “I should get back, Maxine probably thinks I’ve died or something, I’ve never spent this much time with a girl” he smirked at her.

“So I’ve been told” she smiled at him.

“What do you mean?”

“There were rumours about you being a womaniser and stuff, even if you are ,Billy, or were, I don’t care by the way. To me you’re sweet, not anything like that. I only believe what I see not what I hear” she moved closer to him. His arm wrapping around her.

“Thanks, not many people now a days think like that” he mumbled, happy that she was willing to ignore that stuff to get to know him. She really was perfect.

“I need to go” he quickly said, standing up rather fast. “Umm, see you Monday!” He mumbled leaving her house as quick as he could.

He breathed out heavily as he got past his front door.

He noticed Neil’s car parked by the side of the house, oh god.

“Where have you been boy” Neil asked gruffly.

“With a friend dad” he muttered “doesn’t matter anyway I’m here now”

“Yeah, after curfew, I asked you to babysit your fucking sister”

“She’s not my-”

“I don’t give a shit boy” Billy shoved past him into his room. Neil yelling after him. Susan got up from the couch.

“Don’t think you can fucking run away from me you little shit, you gonna run like your piece of shit mother huh?” Billy’s blood ran cold, how fucking dare he.

Billy balled his fists but Neil got the advantage shoving him against the wall. His shirt in his hands.

“You fucking come home late again, you fucking speak to me like again, you’re gonna regret it” he spat at Billy, “now what do you say!”

Billy looked the other way, he didn’t want to even look at Neil.

“Say it boy!”

Billy mumbled his response.

“SAY IT”

“I’m sorry sir” Neil slapped him and proceeded to let go of his shirt leaving Billy to fall down. His hands trying to steady himself. Susan rushed Neil out of the room.

“Fucking ungrateful piece of shit, doesn’t know the first fucking thing about-” Neil yelled at Susan.

Billy took a deep breath in. His eyes glazing over with hurt. He felt so lost, so lonely. His hands were shaking, hot tears blurring his vision as he slid down the wall. Letting himself cry, get every emotion out.

Y/N watched him from her window. Her own eyes watering. “Billy” She whispered. Wanting nothing then go run over to him and hold him, tell him everything was ok. She bit her lip, stepping away from her window. Her heart racing, she felt horrible. Should she have yelled something from the window? Would he have heard her? She took a deep breath in. Tears rolling down her cheeks. She shook with regret and sadness.

Billy needed help. She didn’t know how to help. But she was going to try anyway she could. Because she cared about him.

#billy hargrove fanfiction #billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove x y/n #billy hargrove x you #billy hargrove #billy hargrove fanfic #billy hargrove fluff #billy hargrove angst #billy hargrove smut

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anissapierce · 5 years

Note

1 So this is the logan podcast anon, if you're up for giving recs then I guess what I'm looking for is a fictional podcasts, not documentary or liveplay and preferably without any kind of omniscient narrator. Ie all dialogue is in character. I generally prefer genre fiction like sci-fi but that's optional, and mostly prefer mystery or thriller

2 something with more than 1 actor or host, I’ve tried a couple that were just one guy talking into a mic and it was very difficult to concentrate. Tbh I started looking into podcasts after listening to a couple tie in audio dramas to the dumb scifi franchise I follow. And please nothing by the mcelroys I’ve nothing against them I just don’t think they’re funny or interesting and when I ask for reccs they’re usually all I get

—–

The idea of only being recd mcelroys sounds like my own personal hell. Like the clips ive heard r funny but not enough to subject myself to these white men. so my condelsences anon. I feel u on the single narrator/liveplay podcasts. So the ones im reccing arent either. Im gonna come back to this post to add some clarifications but i know if i just sent this post to drafts itd end up there forever.these r all audio dramas/fiction podcasts

Ones tht fit ur clarifications (bolded means i like it a lot)

Adventures in new america, Aftershocks, Alba Salix/axe and crown, archive 81, Big Data,blackwood,brimstone valley mall, bubble, calling darkness,caravan, congeria, the dark tome*, darkest night,deadly manners, eos 10, freed, girl in space,greater boston, in her burning, lethal lit, life after/the message,limetown,mabel ,star tripper, station to station, steal the stars (this might b my favorite podcast of all time, v embaressing to say bc its from a network), the after disaster podcast,the blood crow diaries,the bright sessions, the infinite now,the once and future nerd,the penumbra podcast,strange case of starship iris,the two princes, the van,unwell, video palace,blackout,carrier,fuck humans,limetown, point mystic, what’s the frequency, the white vault

Anthologies: Monsters out the closet,nightlight,nosleep,scp archives,the grey rooms,the long hallway, the truth, uncanny county,

Maybe (some of these fit ur criteria but the quality might not b wht ur used to, or they dont fit your criteria but theyre rlly well made or i listened to them so long ago so idk of i can recommend fully ill specify in a bit): a Scottish podcast,ars parodica, audio diary of a superhero, bear and banjo, bronzeville, ethan sees all,fan wars, gay future,harlem queen,homecoming,it makes a sound,moonface,mythos,oakpodcast, palimpsest,paralyzed, passanger lost,podcast meander,radio drama revival,return home,sandra,sight unseen,small town horror,station blue*,still lives, the box, the cleansed,the deep vault,the deca tapes,orbiting human circus,under pressure,violet beach,inkwyrm,lake clarity, modern audio drama, the orphans,unplaced,earthbreak

Ok, finally got a chance to write some stuff under the readmore. It’s very long but I know that when ppl rec podcasts to me, I like knowing a lot and also this is for my own reference as well.

Adventures in new america- Summary: Set a few years in the future, Adventures in New America follows the escapades of two mismatched African-New-American best friends — fat, lonely curmudgeon IA and lesbian sneak-thief Simon Carr — who take on a series of increasingly high-stakes heists to get quick cash to pay for IA’s medical treatment while attempting to survive the wilds of New New York City… and a secret cabal of Tetchy Terrorist Vampire Zombies from outer space. Intrigued? Good! Frequently, there will be musical numbers — and radical reflections on our dangerous, beautiful, heart-pounding world. This is from the night vales network and so the production quality is really good. It’s fantasy but with a scifi mindset if that makes any sense, fantasy elements exist alongside scifi elements. and it’s got a very comedic bend to it. The acting is all pretty good, and I enjoy it. Critical of capitalism and power structures in general.

Alba Salix/axe and crown: Fantasy but Shrek/Galavant fantasy rather than LOTR fantasy, I didn’t like s1 of Alba Salix that much but I liked the latest season and I really enjoyed every part of axe and crown. Axe and crown is very funny and it stars a curmegeonly gay troll cavern owner, his niece and his new much younger landlord. The landlord wants to change things up so the cavern can make money and be better competetion against the hip new place across the street. Alba Salix is set in the same world and is another magical workplace comedy starring the kingdom physician, a witch, and her assistants a fuck up ex-monk and a clumsy fairy. I really enjoy the second season a lot, its a lot of low stakes fun comedy. The looseygooseyness of a dnd liveplay but with structure and in very bit sized pieces. (It’s rare for an episode to be longer than twenty five minutes and the longest is 33. )

archive 81- Summary:Archive 81 is a found footage horror podcast about ritual, stories, and sound. It’s kinda hard to explain because the second season is so different from the first, but explaining the second really spoils a lot of the fun. It begins with a man named Mark trying to figure out where his friend Dan has disappeared to after he took a job going through audio archives for a city, Dan left behind a ton of audio files for Mark to sift through though. I love the characters a TON, i adore the sound design it has especially how it makes certain things sound otherworldly, id say it’s more fantasy but it has a lot of scifi elements as well, like a really good marriage of the two. I haven’t listened to the first season in forever though, so your mileage may vary on that but I found myself very invested. I found it easy to keep up with who was who, even when I forgot, the story gives you nudges to remember who they are if you forgot. It can be confusing to follow sometimes but if you keep on things fall into place pretty easily.

brimstone valley mall- summary:The year is 1999. Lurking somewhere between Hot Topic and the food court, five misfit demons from Hell kill time inciting sin in a suburban shopping mall.

calling darkness

congeria,

eos 10,

the dark tome

girl in space

greater boston

Mabel*

Steal the Stars

Bright Sessions

The Once and Future Nerd

The Penumbra Podcast

Strange Case of Starship Iris

The Two Princes

Unwell

Point Mystic*

The Family Tree

The White Vault

The After Disaster Podcast*

Blood Crow Diaries

bubble,

caravan

darkest night

deadly manners

in her burning

lethal lit

life after/the message

star tripper,

station to station,

Freed*

infinite now

the van

video palace

blackout

carrier

fuck humans

limetown

Whats the frequency

Big Data- Summary:What if someone stole the internet? This comedy caper takes 100% real concepts, like the seven keys to the internet, cyber police, relay calls, photocopier black boxes, 419 scams, and more, and turn it into an anthology of nerdy crime stories tied together by a global plan to end the internet. it’s a series of heists ranging from hijacking top secret military satellites, to stealing a dude’s pants. Features 73 actors from all over the world, including Paul F. Tompkins, Felicia Day, Jemaine Clement, Samm Levine, Amy Stoch and more! I loved this podcast when it came out, enough that I listened to it all at once on my janky phone that didn’t let me fast forward or rewind for certain podcasts (this one included) so it involved often having to listen to the episodes a lot of times, because also it restarted the episodes if you started listening to another episode of another episode. But that was 2016 so I can’t bold it in good conscious. I loved the audio design and all of the actors are really good and from other podcasts. Kind of a whos who of audio fiction in 2016 also a bunch of actors who have like…. gotten season regular roles in tv and stuff. It’s finished and a very neat and tidy in story structure, gets it all done in 9 episodes (7 hours) in a way thats very professional. Also I’m pretty sure I remember all of the episodes having more than one person talking and no omniscent narrator but I can’t remeber for sure if thats the case for all of them. It’s a heist movie in podcast form, focusing on each member of the heist team.

blackwood- summary:Five years ago, Molly Weaver, Bryan Anderson, and Nathan Howell started a podcast focused on the local legend of a monster called The Blackwood Bugman. Quickly, the investigation grows out of their control, as they discover that, not only are the legends seemingly true, many people in Blackwood have turned up dead or disappeared without a trace. Worse, there may be a reason why no one has ever uncovered the truth before. Someone is watching them, willing to do whatever it takes to keep the secret. Their recordings have finally been released. I enjoyed this one a lot, its another finished podcast and I wasn’t sure if you wanted something so short form so it isn’t bolded, it’s from Skylark so it’s really professional sounding, the story is good and the acting is good. But also, my memories of it are Very Vague bc i listened in like a day while doing a laundry in 2018. It’s got six episodes all less than thirty minutes, but I remeber it being really interesting from a horror perspective. It’s got a good mystery element as well, and reminds me of season one of the anthology show Channel 0.

Aftershocks: Summary: It all started when Riley was institutionalized after suffering a psychotic episode, after being treated she was moved to Amber Ridge. There she meets Ryan and Eli, also patients at Amber Ridge. Together, the three of them stumble upon the dark secrets of the institution where they reside. The thing that stops this from being bolded despite me loving it is me not being sure if it’ll ever continue? I love the story though and the way that the mystery unfolds without any cheap ‘turns out this person wasnt actually crazy what an Injustice!!!!! stuck with the crazies when actually this person is Speshul!!!!’. It’s supernatural but also very fascinating.

____________________________________________________________

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Anthologies: Monsters out the closet,nightlight,nosleep,scp archives,the grey rooms,the long hallway, the truth, uncanny county,

#asks #anon #sara recs pods

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sisterwifeudaku · 6 years

Text

King’s Trip

T’Challa , M’Baku, Redeemed! Erik

Warning: Mention of death, slight cursing

Word count: 1,914+ words

Note: This is part one to a fandom collab started by @royallyprincesslilly !! @blackandfair I can’t wait to see what you come up with!!

"I'm just asking you both the same question I did in family counseling...how are you two going to run Wakanda if you can not get along?" The therapist posed the question making the cousins sit back and digest what was said.

A technique that they had learned during one of their many sessions. Erik was the first to speak up and voice his opinion.

"You right Iyanla. We gotta do better in order to be better for all these nigg- the citizens of Wakanda".

The therapist, actually named Fundiswa laughed lightly at the joke Erik threw her way. After knowing her and sharing his darkest secrets with the woman he felt comfortable enough to crack a little joke here and there. At first she thought he just didn't want to say her name but he later explained why he called her that, "she fixes and saves lives and that's what you're doing. I never had anyone to talk about my feelings with", so you gladly excepted it as a way of him showing that he cares.

T'Challa looked at his cousin and smiled. He had witnessed him battle with his demons from the moment he stepped foot on Wakanda soil and he had come so far.

"My dear cousin you have taken the words out of my mouth. I agree we must do this for not only our Citizens but ourselves as well" the two slapped hands as they sat on the couch.

"Great! Now if I recall M'Baku was a problem for you N'Jadaka correct?" The man nodded and ran a hand over his lowcut fade.

"Ok so why don't you two invite him and go on some type of trip perhaps? That way you can bond and talk about whatever issues that are bothering you." Fundiswa suggested. The royal family did group sessions as well as individual sessions which showed her that they all had secrets that they have yet to share with one another.

" So you saying we should have a guys trip?" Erik spoke rubbing his chin hairs.

"I like it. E it sounds very interesting." T'Challa spoke up before standing and looking at the time.

"Ms. Fundiswa thank you for this suggestion. We might need a How people say brocation-" T'Challa stated only to be cut off.

"Nigga I know you didn't just say brocation. We need a cooler name like Kingcation or some shit." Erik said as he stood up and stretched his limbs.

The two men bid the therapist farewell as they began to walk down the hall towards T'Challa's office.

"Inform Lord M'Baku that I would like to meet with him." T'Challa told his assistant as she nodded and ran off to do what she was told.

"Thank you" he yelled out as she sped walked down the long hallway.

The following day the Royal Family stood waiting for the Great Gorilla to exit the vibranium ship. Being the man that he is, M'Baku chose to make a grand entrance having his soldiers chant and bang on drums.

Shuri and Queen Mother looked at one another with questioning gazes before looking to T'Challa whose face held a smirk as his hands stayed behind his back.

"Brother why is it that every time Lord M'Baku comes to the palace he does something this extra?"

"Well princess" a beat "I am a big man and a big man deserves an even bigger entrance" M'Baku answered walking on the rose petals that were thrown at his feet.

As the large man greeted the Udaku family he stopped at Erik.

"Outsider" he stated with a small nod.

"Mr.T" Erik stated back curtly

Before M'Baku could say anything else T'Challa stepped in and began to talk.

"Before the two of you start to argue let us talk in my office"

Once they made it to the room the two male's bodies possessed the seats on the opposite side of the vibranium desk facing the King. It was quiet as he observed the two in front of him. Sure he had his issues with them both but after a year of therapy and coming to terms with everything that had transpired since he became the king he learned to let go of any and all animosity towards them, mostly his cousin.

"M'Baku" a beat " For years you have been voicing your opinion on how we run things here and once you decided to no longer isolate your people from the rest of us I noticed the hostility towards others." The king spoke as he sat back in his seat.

"Well we believe now that in order for us all to move forward we must put the ill feelings aside. And what better way than to learn more about one another"

"That is not the worst idea I have heard but why is he here" M'Baku asked, pointing to Erik who sat beside him mugging him.

"He is here because he will be learning more about us and vice versa" he responded in a matter of fact tone.

"I see" a few seconds passed before he finished his statement.

"You make a valid point. A true warrior and king must put his feelings to the side and focus on his people". It was silent before he spoke up again.

"So how exactly are we going to do this?"

"N'Jadaka go on and tell him" T'Challa spoke. He had no time to plan anything with his busy schedule so he gave Erik that task along with his trust to ensure that he would make the right decisions for the mini vacation.

"Ok so peep this shit" the man stated as he stood up and clapped his hands.

"So we going on a lil kingcation for 10 days. Starting off in Cali for numerous reasons" he stated before bringing in a chart and laser pointer.

" To show you all where I'm from, California knows how to party, and lastly we can do something at the outreach center so it's not just all play" he listed off folding his arms once he was complete.

"I for one find that to be a good plan. Count me in cousin" the king stated pulling at his father's necklace.

"Perhaps I can attend. Just keep Agent Ross' people away from me" M'Baku stated.

"So that settles it huh? Kings take LA" Erik stated with a smile. He missed home just a little. It wasn't better than Wakanda but it was all he knew for so long.

"Kings take Los Angeles" T'Challa and M'Baku reiterated before M'Baku started to bark.

Here all three of them were walking off the ship with the a decent amount of Dora Milaje and Jabari warriors for protection walking into the outreach center in California.

"Better to get it over with now than to wait until I get you two fucked up off the Henny" Erik said when in reality he just wanted to see the place where his father took his last breath.

The whole time T'Challa showed the two around Erik's mind was racing and when they got to the exact area of where the worst day of his life had happened so did his heartbeat.

He stood there in the entrance as everyone else piled into the room reliving the tragedy.

His chest got tight as he looked over at his cousin who had been trying to get his attention for the last few minutes.

"N'Jadaka what is wrong?" T'Challa questioned as he observed his odd behavior before it clicked in his mind. This must be where his father, T'Chaka, had taken the life of his own baby brother.

"This is where I became an orphan. Where I saw my father laying in a pool of his own blood." He spoke up as the room fell silent and he continued. He didn’t want to keep talking about the issue but the large range of emotion he felt at the moment made him just blurt everything out. Perhaps it’s what he needed.

"Sometimes Iay awake at night thinking about that day. What time I woke up to my father making me breakfast, he hated cereal and refused to let me eat it. And how we watched Saturday morning cartoons together before he sent me to get dressed and play outside with some kids from the building. That night he let me stay out a little later since Uncle Ja- Zuri came over to talk to him. I was usually asleep when this happened but this time he let me play. I always think of that day and how I wish I was in my bedroom. That way he could have killed me too, taken me with him, or I could have protected my daddy since nobody else would" by the end of his little speech everyone had a sympathetic look on their face and some were even wiping tears.

He didn’t feel completely better but it was a start. He had explained his sorrow infront of his cousin one time and that was when he took the throne in ritual combat. Yet this was the first time Erik noticed how the king and his people cringed at the thought of the previous King’s actions.

"Shit coulda been different man" he spoke before a few tears fell from his eyes. T'Challa looked at him before wrapping an arm around his shoulders leading him to a corner so they could talk.

" I know you are in pain now and this pain may never end but you must know your baba is no longer suffering. I too have lost my baba to a senseless act of violence but I know I must keep moving on, it is fine to cry and express that pain but life must still go on" he spoke as he rubbed his cousin's back.

"N'Jadaka" M'Baku spoke as he made his way towards them.

"I am sorry if I interrupted however I just wanted to give you my condolences. No child should have to go through what you have went through. I don't want you to take this as pity but you have earned my respect sir. You dealt with that tragedy and still managed to live on"

"Good looks man. 'preciate it" he said extending his right hand for a handshake.

"You know what you a ok nigga" Erik responded as they dapped one another up.

"Aye T y'all niggas got a kitchen in here. Crying made a G hungry as hell" he spoke making some of the employees of the center laugh.

"I believe so. Follow me" the king said leading the group towards the cafeteria area.

"Aweee shit is that fried chicken" Erik said as he looked at the kids plate when they walked past.

On his way to get himself a plate Erik saw a speaker and auxiliary cable sitting on a vacant table. He smiled as he pulled out his phone and connected it to the speaker.

All of a sudden the children jumped up to dance as Tupac Shakur's "California Love" blared through the area. "Now let me welcome everybody to the wild Wild West a state that's untouchable like Elliot Ness" the kids and the adults screamed as they jumped and danced. Erik smiled at the sight of people enjoying life. The place he dreaded and felt unsafe in was a place these people loved and felt safe. The place that took so much from him gave so much to the community. It provides education, jobs, sports, and a place for families to prosper. He could deal with his demons if it meant less problems for the youth to endure.

"So how do you like it N'Jadaka?"

"Man T this shit is dope" he spoke before grabbing his tray.

"So you do not want to leave after we eat? You are fine here today?" M'Baku asked raising his brow.

"I'm a hunnid man we can chill out here. They lit" he responded with a genuine smile watching the kids.

#black panther imagines #black panther fanfiction #t'challa #tchalla udaku fanfic #m’baku #m’baku fanfic #m’baku fanfiction #erik stevens fanfic #erik killmonger fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #King’s Trip

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wordsandlyricsandpicturesohmy · 5 years

Text

After so long I thought that the feeling had gone away, that the idea of self-harm as a means to make myself feel again or as a means of making all the overwhelming feelings dissipate had become nothing more than just an old method I had used when I didn’t have the right outlet. Yet here I am, in my lowest, darkest moment in a long time immediate turning to it when everything became too much. And it wasn’t just the idea of performing self-harm that made me break, it was the fact that I had thought about and sought out my medications to try and kill myself, as I knew deep down that simply adding a few more scars to the hundreds that cover my thighs and arms wouldn’t be enough this time, as the feelings I was being overwhelmed by would just come back as soon as the moment was over.

Little issues build up quickly when you simply brush them off and don’t think about them. Little problems at work that you choose to keep quiet over, slight hiccups with friends that you hold your breath over. Small issues with family members that you pass off as simply normal feelings that come with your relatives. These have all built up over time for me, as I somewhere along the way decided that the best way for me to get better was to change myself, that the only way to truly move on from everything that has happened to me would be made easier by simply becoming a new person entirely. A person who likes to socialise, someone who steps out of their comfort zone regularly, who likes to go out and drink.

But the weight of all these choices has come crashing down, and it did so as soon as I face my first problem early this morning, and every little issue and surprise just made it that much worse and that much more overwhelming.

I tried to be different, but that just isn’t in the cards for me. I don’t drink, I don’t like the memories that come with it that I more than often have to push to the side. I hate socialising with people while I am trying to work and study. I don’t like to message people often as I like my alone time to just be my alone time. I hate drugs, I have seen enough and heard enough stories from my parents and the overdoses that they’ve seen and the aftermath of their ill-fated choices to know that no good could ever come from them.

I am done pretending, I am done changing myself so that I may feel some kind of acceptance from the people who I have surrounded myself with.

I am done being ashamed of who I am and the past I have had to endure.

I am done pushing things down and pretending that little things are easy for me to deal with and that the mediocrity of everyday like isn’t completely overwhelming to me and my senses.

So who am I?

I am the voice behind every single one of these letters, poems and notes.

I could just be another faceless person who sits in front of a computer screen.

But I have never properly introduced myself, my issues and my demons. I have simply mentioned them in fleeting, and very rarely put my voice to them when people ask me about my fears and problems.

My name is Emily, a 21 year old who, like everyone our age is struggling with figuring out who they are and where they are going.

I am someone who suffers from depression and social anxiety.

I am also someone who has been sexually assaulted 3 years ago.

For a year and a half I spent my life pretending that nothing had ever happened to me, I went through a short phase of being upset and angry, but I pushed past it quickly, throwing myself back into my school life and social circles. I tried dating people, all the while ignoring that sick feeling in my stomach that I now know is the feeling of mistrust. I tried hanging out with friends while ignoring that small voice in my head that would tell me that they would all do the same thing to me when given the chance. I studied my ass off while trying to pretended that I hadn’t screwed myself over and would never get the marks necessary to graduate and get into the course I wanted to.

I did this for the last half of year 12 and almost my whole first year of university. And then I met someone who I hadn’t seen in that year and a half, and their apology sent me spiralling. The next thing I knew I am sitting at my desk before work balling my eyes out while trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I spent countless hours over the following 2 weeks in and out of the doctors trying to find which medication would work best for me and trying to find a professional who I could open up to. I was made to take time off work and spend my days lying in bed because I felt no need to get up. I spent my days sleeping because I didn’t have the energy to get out of bed.

When I was driven to my first appointment with Margaret I was sceptical, why was I meant to all of a sudden open up to this stranger when I couldn’t even open up to my family. How was I meant to talk about my feelings when I felt like I had none at the time. I was sent to see a psychiatrist and given script after script of anti-depressants, sleeping tablets and an epileptic medication. Because regardless of my expressed fears of being given large numbers of scripts and being given the ability to potentially horde my medications, my doctor decided that the best way to help me was drugs, and then drugs for the side effects, and then drugs for the nightmares. Soon my life revolved around set times for medications and doctor visits.

All the while I never had to speak about what had happened, I just had to deal with the fact that I simply no longer had the capacity to process and deal with more than one emotion at a time. Because when I was happy I felt suspicious because with happiness comes joy, and pride. And I felt like these feelings were false and only due to the high doses I had been taking and would just ignore them. When I felt sad I was often plagued with anger, disgust, fear and self-loathing. These emotions would drive me to the point of tears, I would have moments where I felt like I couldn’t breathe. So I shut them all out, and let this little bit of pressure slowly grow in the back of my head. And as I would quickly come to discover, the numbness I would feel and the pressure in my head that would build until that was all I could notice would only be released if I hurt myself. A quick reminder that I can feel before I would shut down again.

I started small, punching a pillow, and then my desk, and then any hard surface I could find. But bruises on my hand made it hard for me to work without customers asking questions, so I moved onto punching my legs, letting them become black and blue from the times I would spend just sitting there hitting them, over and over again until I would realise that I had been doing it for a long time. But just as quickly as I started I stopped and moved onto something else; cutting myself. Running a pair of scissors or a knife along my forearms and thighs, watching the blood droplets form before solidifying. Knowing that they would hurt for a while, and itch while they were healing.

I had found an outlet that I did not tire of, but it left me with marks that I would soon view with disgust, and then sadness, and then they would be so overwhelming that I would hurt myself again just to stop it from overwhelming me. I bear these scars and do my best to cover them, I always wear jeans or dresses that won’t show them, I always have a jacket or long sleeve shirt on. I avoid going out when its cold as that when they turn pink and they feel like flashing neon lights. I began to fear if people would see them and immediately judge me, assume that I did it for attention. I quickly resigned to staying at home, where my mother would see them and not say a word, where my father was never around me long enough to notice them, where my brothers and sister were all either simply too young to understand or old enough that they didn’t want to be around their “weird and sick” sister because they thought that it might brush off on them.

I did all of this for months on end. Because I still never had to reflect on what had happened, I began to admit that something was wrong, but I never had to talk about the subject of my assault. Purely because I hated the term assault. If you tell someone that you’ve been assaulted there are so many different types of assault that come under that umbrella, and people never know whether or not to assume the most or least extreme scenario. So I would simply tell them that something had happened, and no I didn’t want to talk about it. Because almost everyone I told would look at me with pity and give me their half-assed apologies and ask if I was ok; or they would judge me and make the stereotypical comments of “she was asking for it” “Well you should have dressed more modestly/appropriately”.

Well fuck you then.

Those people had no idea what happened or how their words affected me. I very quickly got sick and tired of people asking me if I was ok, because no one wants to know the real answer, they simply want to say that they asked in order to make themselves feel better. People say they are sorry because they have no idea what to say and don’t want to ask questions. I began to feel sick to my stomach when people would look at me with pity in their eyes and give me a small pout. I began to hate socialising even more, and hated even uttering a single word about what happened.

But that’s the question you have now, isn’t it? You know that I have been assaulted, and if you are good with your math skills you would have figured out that I was a little over 18 when it happened.

Well, I don’t really know how to tell you if I’m honest. For how much detail is too much? If I simply said that a group of people thought it would be a funny way of payback would that answer your question or leave you with more? What if I told you that I had never had sex before that night and that I had never had a partner before that moment? Would you be curious or would you begin to feel sorry for me and send me messages of sympathy?

Well, without too much detail to bore you, but enough to give you an idea as to how it managed to fuck me up so badly; I was invited to a girls house around the corner from mine. I had known her for about 12 years, we knew each other like the back of our hands. So when she had heard of a rumour that I had slept with one of her boyfriend’s when they were going out she decided that she should get even with me, regardless of the act that I was never one for such things. She got her dad as well as a bunch of her friends to spike my drinks with alcohol and give it to me without knowing, getting me drunk to the point that I couldn’t move. The best way to describe it is my arms and legs felt like they were jelly while also feeling like they were so heavy that they were made with iron. A guy I didn’t know entered the room. The rest of it I’m sure I don’t need to go into detail for you.

I lost my trust in a lot of people after that moment. I found myself uncomfortable around every man I ever met. People coming up behind me gave me panic attacks, and still often makes me shudder involuntarily. I can’t stand the thought let alone the act of anyone touching my neck and it immediately reminds me of his hands wrapped around it as a means to scare me and keep me quiet. The idea of having sex became something utterly repulsive because my first experience was so scaring, so how could anyone find the act enjoyable?

I have begun to overcome these issues overtime, but they all still remain in some shape or form.

And up until this point, they have been the only part of me that has always stayed the same since that moment.

And I am tired of having only my experience being the only thing that has connected me with my old self, I am tired of changing who I am and what I do in order to fit in with the people around me who will never change.

Yes I can be loud and overbearing at times, and if there is a subject I am passionate about then there is a good chance I won’t know when to shut up. But I also love being alone, I love the idea of walking around by myself with my earphones in blasting music anytime and anywhere. I love having moments of childish fun, but I also enjoy being an adult, going out and having a coffee or visiting an exhibit.

I hate being in large groups, I find myself very uncomfortable. Loud places scare me and I try to avoid them, and if there is a group of young people hanging out and laughing then I will immediately try to excuse myself. I hate going out just for the sake of drinking to get drunk, I don’t mind a drink or two, but you will often find me chasing them down with several glasses of water to try and avoid getting drunk. I try not to be alone with men, as I don’t want to begin to feel uncomfortable around them. I can’t stand jokes about rape and suicide. Because I’ve experience one and attempted the other twice, and it was not funny either times so if you don’t shut your mouth then believe me you don’t want to see me do it for you.

I think I’ll take a little moment to distance myself and try to at least be me, or at least, become somewhat similar to the me that I was in high school. So that means no regular updates about what I am doing. No steady stream of messages to hang out every second day. Because that’s not me. I tried to be that person, and I couldn’t do it.

Honestly, it’s killed me a bit,

And if I’m being brutally honest,

It’s lead me to those moments when I’ve almost let it kill me.

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