#ok now though hence the upload

[rat-rambles]

Ok we have to talk about the parallels of bill and gideon because I've seen no one do it and there's a lot. Like, gideon is to bill what stan is to Mable and Ford is to dipper. This parallel includes bill and ford's relationship compared to gideon and Mabel's because there are parallels. I will mention how this pertains to billford. This will be long. Book of bill spoilars obvously.

A couple ground rules I have screen shots but only from the parts uploaded to YouTube because I'm sick and not dealing with Disney pluss for this. 2 we're takeing the way this show uses parallels for granted and it's worth mentioning stan, Ford and bill are the bad ending for the pines and Mable dipper and gideon are the good end hence gideon getting redeemed and Ford haveing to suffer thinking stan was functionaly dead for like a few days or something. So yes they are diffrent and there diffreces are thematically important and intentionally nothing in this franchise is an accident and where working with that primis. Lastly, in the book of Bill, I'm assuming that pages from the journal are real and unaltered along with documents. The only thing I will take as true from bill in the book are things backed by other non bill sorces or the show witch I'll cite when we get there strap in.

Luts start easy

1)

Don't mind YouTube auto captions

I'll take over gravity falls and you'll rule with me

2

The outher pine punchs leading to a blue explosion and the thought that oh they might die they didn't.

3)

I couldn't find the one of bill holding them but you know the one

Ok time to get a little harder now

4)

Oh I've hit the photo limit becuse I'm on my phone and like I said I'm sick so I'm not moving but we all remember when gideon and Mable were like "opera glasses" in sync

At the beginning of their friendship, they both show their bonding into deeper feelings for each other by saying the same thing at the same time.

5)

Giddeon also blames dipper for Mable breaking up with him and bill blames stan for getting between him and Ford, also his plans in the book of Bill.

Ok I think that's enough evidence now let me tell you why this is important, starting with their timeliness.

1) villain becomes friends with pines.

2) villain offers pines everything they want (Mable clothes and glitter Ford knowledge of the univers)

3) villain trys to manipulate

4) the split

Mable eventually learns to reject gideon when he gets between her and dipper (by trying to kill him)

Ford at first is completely gungho about bills plan (yes at this point he still wants what bill is offering and gideon dint but he also dint have his sibling to talk him down and that's the point that Ford was vunerable without Stanly to protect him like dipper protected Mable by interfering). When Ford sees bills true nature he dose cut it off like Mable ( as far as wether or not ford is actually into bill romantically using this lens you can go both ways but it kind of dosnt matter. Either he didn't like bill and didn't see that he was uping the romance the way Mable dint see what gideon was doing at first. Or he did see and either willfully played along or was genuinely into the triangle becuase agin old pines are the bad ending that made bad choices. The old men's mistakes are to be learned from kids.)

5) villain react violently

When gidion trys to take Mable by force a thing gideon says bill explained to him (Bill told him to do the love cage same as in the book same as the pyramid in the show) dipper saves her becuse twins that stay together stay alive.

Ford gets solidly mind tortured for what I assume is a couple weeks in the book of bill. ( based on one of the postit note back and forward was every night that's about 6 days and there's about 6 days of mind shanigans recorded after I might have miss counted though) Ford FINALLY calls stan who saves him... by acidently pushing him through a portal, well it works.

6) villain is PISSED and ups the anti by trying to take over gravity falls (wow that's crazy it happend twice ).

7) they resync here villain says their favorite Pines is the love of their life we'll rule together over gravity falls (wether they like it or not)

8) the twin comes to save the villains favorite pines and they punch the shit out of the villain.

9 the pines learn a lesson of twins who stick together stay alive

Now for my point

So besides I think this is some killer writing. I am going to be anoying now becuse yes Bill haveing a fat crush on Ford is cannon and yeah I think that's a big deal because Alex made my queer coded villain king actually queer and that's just deeply cool. Alex set up a standard for what toxic men pursuing a unrequited relationship is and then had Bill do that that's not a acident and the doubling down in the book of bill adding more parallels than we already had from the show witch was alot makes this cristal clear. Now agin how Ford felt we can go back and forward about, but bill no that bitch gay sorry; our god Alex decreed it and there's nothing you can do about it. Thanks for reading K thanks Bye

Special thanks to my crazy girlfriend for editing this 😅 yes it was worse

[amitherenbored]

ME AND THEM(E)

Hey guys, my friend convinced me to upload a short story I wrote some time ago. So if you like messing with the concept of time, I hope you enjoy this~

The room was the whitest kind of white. It looked as if it stretched on forever. In fact, no one who has ever been in that room knew if it ever ended, or just spread into infinity. In the middle (if there is a middle to forever) of the room was a long wooden table, shining clean and ready. On the table, you could spot an hourglass, fused into the table. If you looked closely, you would notice the sand in it kept running, without any sign of stopping or running out. It was almost time.

Ten wooden doors appeared around the table. They were all the same door, but each of them was more worn out than the one before. In a few moments, the meeting will start. Ten people, one person, will come through the doors.

It was someone’s birthday, though time didn’t mean a lot in there.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

5 was very cheerful. He vaguely sensed the presence of the other nine people in the white room with him. 5 was quite busy with a stack of cards that lay on the table in front of him, and since none of the people in the room seemed too intimidating, he pretty much ignored them.

45 was out of breath, but otherwise happy. He remembered the stack of cards from ten years ago and how much 5 enjoyed them back then (or should I say right now?). 45 made a mental note to himself back when he was 35 to bring them with him for the next meeting, but almost forgot. He muttered “Shoot” and then grabbed them from upstairs before slipping through the door-looking portal into the room, hence the breathlessness. He wondered if he should tell 35 to NOT forget the cards next time, but figured it probably wouldn’t matter, because ten years is a lot of time to forget something. It didn’t even matter, he thought. The look on 5’s face, sitting at the head of the table, was worth every breath he missed.

15 was baffled. He looked across the room with a puzzled look and a face as white as a ghost. 15 wasn’t confused. Confused is not the right word to describe what he felt. It was more like having the biggest deja-vu in existence while simultaneously not wanting to know why you’re having this deja-vu. This was, of course, due to the fact he has been there before. It’s just that 5 wouldn’t remember a thing. Well, he won’t actually forget everything, but the whole experience will be stored in the part of his brain responsible for dreams and fantasies. He will only remember them when he returns to the room when he’s 15, which is right now.

35 was overall OK, thanks for asking. He sat on one side of the long table with 25 and 55. It was nice talking to them, knowing one’s future and another one’s past. The whole meeting gave him a strange feeling that can only be described as paradoxal (not to be confused with paradoxical. The meeting was the living definition of consistent), but he was excited to be there, nonetheless. Maybe the strange feeling was the reason he wanted to be there. 35 shrugged to himself. Maybe.

25 was stressed and 55 was calm. 25 was sleep deprived after landing his first “real life” job, while studying for a master’s degree. 55 was calm, because he knew 25 was going to lead an overall nice life, although he wasn’t sure how much of it he was allowed to tell 25.

“You have got to fix your sleep schedule,” interrupted 35, “At this rate, you are going to kill yourself.”

“I don’t think dying is a real threat to me right now,” said 25, who was intentionally making eye contact with 55.

55 chuckled softly. “I have to both agree and disagree. 25, your life right now is unhealthy, 35 is correct when it comes to that. BUT, and it’s a big but, sometimes life gets hard. Sometimes it’s OK to take drastic measures, as long as you’re keeping yourself alive.”

25 and 35 stared at him, both slightly confused. 55 sighed. “What I’m trying to say is, in the end you’ll be fine, at least as far as I know. Hard times pass. Sometimes we have to adjust ourselves to a new situation, but that does not mean times will be hard forever.”

65 was nostalgic. It’s hard not being nostalgic when you are surrounded by past versions of yourself (excluding, obviously, 75, 85 and 95). At this point of his life, he remembered almost everything that happened, and therefore was going to happen, at the meeting. He has yet to experience it all, but the setting was familiar. He had been waiting to return here.

25 got up from his chair in the middle of another conversation with 35 and 55. Right on cue, thought 65. He walked to the edge of the table, where the fascinated 15 was trying to strike up a conversation with 5, who was far too busy building a card castle to listen.

“Hello there,” said 25, who seemed very embarrassed, “Will you come with me for a second?”

The two walked to the other side of the table, to a corner far away from conversations and playing cards.

“This must be really weird for you, isn’t it? I remember how confusing this was for me the last time.”

15 fidgeted with his fingers. “I… I’m not sure I completely understand yet. You’re… me?”

25 scratched his head. This question was quite difficult to answer.

“I am you. Every single person in this room is. That’s why we use the numbering system. For all of us, you are 15 and I am 25. It’s better to not think to much into it, just try to enjoy it while you can.”

15 nodded. He was still processing this new information, but he seemed a little calmer.

“And another thing,” added 25, “I want you to take this.” He pulled out an envelope with a date written on it. A date that was 6 years away from 15, but four years into the past for 25. “Only open this at that date. Believe me, the waiting is worth it.”

15 took the envelope and stared at it with awe. He then gave 25 a meaningful nod and walked away. He was going to listen to 25’s advice and enjoy the meeting as long as he still can.

“You know, I forgot about this letter for a long time, but I recently found it again.” It felt like 65 materialized behind 25 out of thin air, spooking the hell out of him. “It brought back a few memories.”

A sad smile appeared on 25’s face. “Will I regret this?”

“Not as far as I know”

They both knew what was in the envelope, something all the others have already forgotten about.

“I remember opening it. It was a long day, and I was on the verge of tears. It was my first real breakup. That was the moment I realized what the letter was for. When other people tell you that in a few years you’ll forget this ever happened it sounds like they are just ignoring your pain. On the other hand, when your future self tells you you’ll be fine… That’s a little more comforting. They actually know you. Especially when they tell you to eat as much ice cream as you want.”

65 grinned at him. “And I see you got him to open up.” He pointed at 15, who was deep into a conversation with the happy 45.

25 nodded: “Probably the best advice I ever got. Who knows what would’ve happened if I didn’t tell him to open up? For all I know, we would be sitting in silence around the table, too scared to talk to each other.”

“Yet you still haven’t talked with him”

65 turned his head to look at 95 and then stared into 25’s eyes, a serios look on his face. The smile on 25’s face faded as 65 turned around and walked away, leaving 25 alone to think.

“But I will,” he whispered to himself, “And I already did”

85 was gloomy. It is understandable if you look at the situation from his point of view, as it was his one to last meeting. He sat alone at a secluded part of the table and looked back and forth between 5, who sat at one edge of the table, and 95, who sat all the way across the long table. The youngest and the oldest, sitting in the two heads of the table. Don’t understand this incorrectly, 85 was really trying to enjoy the meeting, just like every other time, but it seemed as if an invisible force was pulling the corners of his mouth downwards.

75 was curious. Until then, he mostly walked around, chatting with each person (version is the more correct word) he came across and simply taking in the surroundings. But now, a question he couldn’t ignore formed in his head, and so he sat next to the silent 85.

“Why are you sad?” he asked.

85 stared at him, brows raised. He remembered asking this ten years ago, but the memory has faded with the years. It was now just another blurry conversation at the back of his head.

“I don’t mean to sound rude; you know. It’s just that… life is good. I can say for myself that I’m content. So, what is it? Does some horrible tragedy plague us in the next ten years? Why do you seem so sad?”

85 sighed. “It’s nothing of that sort, luckily. You wouldn’t understand it.”

It was 75’s turn to raise his brows. “Try me”

“It’s 95. Just look at him! He’s smiling! He is about to die in the next ten years of his life and he’s smiling!”

“So you’re angry… because he’s happy?”

85’s frown deepened. “I’m sad, because today is my last meeting before I’m him, and… I’m scared he isn’t, I’m not, appreciating it enough.”

“Well, that’s ridiculous,” stated 75 firmly, causing 85’s brows to rise once more (at this point it looked like a brow raising competition), “No, I mean it, I really do. Do you even know ourselves? When have we ever not appreciated the meeting enough? We look forwards to them, we plan them, we try to remember as much as possible without breaking the laws of time. I know who I am, and I’m willing to bet that it doesn’t matter how much I, we, change in the next twenty years, we will always care about this short time we have together.”

“I guess you’re right,” said 85, a small smile now on his face. He was not entirely convinced, but it was a start. It made him realize how smart he really was. Not bad at all, he thought.

95 was… what was he again? He wasn’t exactly happy, but neither was he sad. He felt fear, but at the same time he felt more fearless than ever. He was full of feelings, and for once in his life, he was completely and utterly free.

He sat at the head of the table, facing 5 who sat at the other end. He rather enjoyed watching the child play. He was, overall and despite a lot of things, satisfied.

95 looked to his side and was surprised to see 15 at his side, staring at him quizzically. 95 didn’t remember this happening so early into the meeting… or did time move faster than he realized?

“You are the oldest, aren’t you?” asked 15.

Silence fell across the room, as everyone turned their head to look at 15. You aren’t supposed to ask an old man a question like that, even if that old person is you.

But all 95 did was chuckle.

“Sit down, boy.” He patted the chair next to him. “And you lot should listen as well.” His eyes made contact with each person separately.

“Yes, I am the oldest one here,” he said when everyone was seated properly.

15 thought for a second. “Does that mean you’ll...?” die in the next ten years, they all completed the question in their heads.

95 nodded, a sad smile hovering on his lips. 15 looked quite horrified.

“Do you know when this will happen?”

“You cannot know everything. Even knowing I’ll die (A slight shiver went through the crowd at the mention of this word) in a certain range of time is knowledge not everyone has the privilege to know” he said it as though this was the best privilege in life.

95 stood up shakily.

“As you all know, I’m 95. I have lived a long life. I made memories I would never trade for anything, and some I would like to forget. It’s been hard, and it’s been fun, and most of all, it was worth it all. I want you all to know that the last ten years have been great, and I have no doubt that the next few years of my life will be just as good.” He stopped for a second and looked around. His eyes landed on 85. “I want you to know that while death still scares me, I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. I am just so happy to see you all that it doesn’t matter.”

95’s smile widened. It was a contagious smile, and if you looked closely, you could see it had infected every single person in the room. Even the gloomy 85.

A ‘Ding’ sound echoed inside the room. When everyone turned to look at the table, there was a big birthday cake on it.

“I didn’t remember it had sprinkles on it” muttered 45 under his breath.

65 picked up a knife that appeared (conveniently) next to the cake. Even 5, who had been almost completely oblivious to his surroundings until now raised his head when 65 handed him a slice. The moment they all had a slice, a thin candle appeared on each of them, already lit and ready.

“Happy birthday,” said 95, “You can make your wishes.”

Wishing felt different there, ten versions of the same person wishing for entirely different things. Some remembered what they wished for before and they were all certain of the wishes they made that moment. And so, ten candles were blown out and ten cakes were eaten.

35 sat next to 25. “You remembered it, didn’t you? 95’s speech?”

“I did, but now I guess I’m bound to forget it.” He shuffled a little in his chair. “Nice speech though. Calms me down a little.” That’s how he thought about writing 15 the letter.

35 let out a sigh. “I wonder when I forgot”

“Well, no matter how many times we forget it, in the end we’ll surely remember it”

The plates and remainders of the cake disappeared as swiftly as they appeared. It was time to go back home. They all got up as the wooden doors they came through appeared once more. 45 helped 5, who had cake smeared all around his mouth, pack up the deck of cards.

95 walked over to 85, who already had his hand on his door’s handle. “The meeting ended quickly. I barely noticed how fast time flies”

“And the next one is my last one”

95 lowered his gaze. For the first time in the meeting, he looked sad. “This is the last time I get to see all of you,” he said, “I’ve explored every perspective and heard every conversation. As much as it hurts me to leave, I know I drained every drop of knowledge I encountered on my way. And I have a mission for you. Live. Your time is limited; no one knows this better than us. So, try your best to be happy. You don’t have to do anything too extreme or avoid sadness at all cost, but use the time you have left, don’t fear it.”

85 shook his head. “How does one stop fearing death?”

“You don’t. You find something worth living for and make yourself happy despite everything else.”

85 chuckled. “I wonder when I became so sophisticated.”

And with that in mind, he disappeared through the door.

75 and 45 already went back, 45 leaving the deck behind with the young 5. “So this is how I lost my deck,” whispered 55 as 95 came closer, “I did wonder where it disappeared.”

“Do you remember what we planned at 45? We wanted to bring 5 the deck we loved so much at childhood, so he won’t feel alone at the meeting. But then, a week before this meeting…”

“We lost the deck,” said 55 in astonishment, “I was so surprised when I found an identical deck in the store, so he won’t notice the difference… It was the same deck all along”

95 grinned at him. “The universe resolves yet another paradox”

55 shook his head in disbelief, but he was smiling as he walked through the door.

35 already left when 95 started talking to 65: “You know you scared 25 when you kind of ‘appeared’ behind him.”

65 smiled a sly smile. “Oh, I am sure of that. When I was 25, I started wondering if I grow up to be a serial killer. But there are reasons to spook your past self. For example, it’s fun. Plus, if I remember it happening, wouldn’t it be a paradox not to do it myself?”

Only the youngest three stayed there with 95. 25 walked up to him.

“I’m going to miss you. I know I’ll see you again next year, but I’ll miss you from this pair of eyes, this… perspective, as you said yourself.”

95 thought about it for a second. “I don’t think you ever really lose the perspective you had when you where younger. You just gain access to knew ones. But to be frank, I’m going to miss you to. Every part of ‘you’, in every age.”

25 exited the room, slightly calmer and slightly wiser.

It was 15 turn to march towards 95. “Am I dreaming this? I mean, I know I’m not, but it still feels weird.”

95 raised an eyebrow. “I guess time doesn’t owe anyone to feel normal. It’s part of its charm.”

15 nodded and placed his hand on the door’s handle. “Don’t I get a goodbye?” asked 95.

“Well, I’m only 15. This isn’t goodbye yet. Just trust that we’ll meet again”

Another smile and another door closed.

5 managed to wipe the cake off his face. The situation made 95 feel like a child again.

“It is time for you to go home now.” 5 tilted his head to the side, giving 95 a curious look. “You are going to be just fine, you know? Whatever life throws at you. You can do some great things, make a lot of people proud. Make yourself proud. But now; now it’s time to go to sleep”

95 opened the door and let the little 5 pass.

He looked around him, taking in the room for one last time. He knew a lot more than he knew when he first came here. It’s a part of growing up. 95 knew something important. We all tend to hate who we were, cringe about our past decisions and interests. But 95 loved them all, embraced them all. They were all parts of a puzzle that created him, and they are never going away. He loved all of him.

That’s another part of growing up.

95 was… fine. That’s the most accurate word to describe it. He was at peace and truly okay.

The door closed behind him.

On the table, the hourglass ran out of sand.

[daja-the-hypnokitten]

Jukebox reviews part 53! For context, see my post “A Project” under  this same tag. If you want to see a full list of his EMCSA stories,  they can be found here, sorted alphabetically.And if you want to see some of his drabbles, check out his blog at @jukeboxemcsa​ 

This will be a longer review post than the rest, as there were 535 stories and I’ve been posting in sets of 10. This one has the last 15, and is the final one unless and until I decide to start going by year (so do the rest of 2021,say). This has been a fun project, and best of all I’ve taken ideas whole cloth or in patchwork to use with my partners, and gotten a better sense of what I want in my mind control fiction. Seriously, though, I can’t recommend Jukebox’s work enough - whatever you’re into, I’m sure you’ll find *something* to like in his stories.

(The next story after this one, “Never Have I Ever”, was the first story Jukebox cross-posted to Readonlymind.com, hence the cut-off)

 Language Barrier (Jukebox)

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10/10/2020                                   mc mf md

Well, I've been hypnotized in a language I didn't understand before - also French, as it happens - and it can be really fun. That said, I wish I knew enough French to figure out what he's saying, but alas, I took Spanish instead. And it doesn't really matter; if anything, the lack of understanding adds to the story a little. It's a good story, too! Though the ending is a little bit meh to me, being mostly purely about sex. 8/10 spirals 

 Rabbit Hole (Jukebox)

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10/17/2020                                   mc mf md ma

Oh hi there tumblr, that sounds so very like you. (in the best of ways). Tumblr's good for rabbit holes like that, and gosh, Jukebox has a way of making a (somewhat condensed) process feel entirely too real. I'm fairly sure I've seen a few of the names/users/files/etc he's referencing or was inspired by. (Brain Blaster? Yeah, I know a file with a similar alliterative name that gets reblogged around now and again). This is just a fun story, really, especially for those of us who remember the days of Hypnotumblr pre-tumblr porn ban. 9/10 spirals 

 Kiss on the Neck

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10/31/2020                                   mc ff ft

*shudders* nope, sorry, I don't like things against my neck, I have to be extremely particular about what sorts of turtlenecks I wear, and usually I go for mock turtlenecks, so the tactile imagery early in this one literally made me shudder. Especially for Silicon Valley, where it doesn't even get that cold!! Turtlenecks are for below-freezing weather, not Bay Area weather, c'mon! That all said, it's a good image, the contrast inherent to the style, and used quite well. 9/10 spirals 

 Under My Skin

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10/31/2020                                   mc ff sf

Another horror-style story, not so much erotic, and so not to my taste. Kinda zombie-like only not quite, and in a way that's unsettling. Not my style. 

 You Don’t Have to Worry

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11/7/2020                                     mc mf md

Oh, well, that sums up one of the many draws of hypnokink, clearly. Being blank, no thoughts meaning no worries, just ... all of it. Yeah, unsurprisingly, Jukebox gets it. And makes puts it on the page so well. The unethical nature of it is naturally a little bleh, but easy to look past in the context of the story. He just gets it. 10/10 spirals 

 Familiar Taste of Poison

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11/14/2020                                   mc mf md

Why would you ruin a perfectly good cup of cocoa with something bitter? Seriously, put it in coffee, that's bitter enough she'd never notice anyway. Or I guess you could do Mexican hot cooca, that has more bitterness to it, but not that much ... ok, ok, I'll stop being passionate about my hot cocoa now. That aside, the making her trust him only to betray her ... it rubs me wrong. But then, if you've been reading my reviews, you know betrayal is a turn off, so there's that. And it's a little villain monologue-y for me. 6/10 spirals 

 Me Time

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11/21/2020                                   mc ma

Hee, I enjoy this. Especially because I'm tentatively planning to use rose scent to bespell one of my girlfriends at some point here. So the use of rose in this story? yes, it jumps out at me. And seeing her just relax into it, like she knew and was inviting what's to come, even as she's so clearly forgotten? Oh yes, consensual amnesia for shenanigans is a personal favourite. I could do without the water, but otherwise? This is right up my alley. 9/10 spirals 

 Worth the Wait (Jukebox)

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11/28/2020                                   mc mf md

Eee, Rosita and Mateo are back! This is a sequel to Plain Gold Ring, and it's just as sweet and cute as the last. Also the use of "noptepus" makes me grin, it's such a cute bit. I'm glad they're talking it out and being smart about it, and also that they're clearly happy together. Even if Rosita feels like she's been waiting rather too long for it. Patience is rewarded, though. 10/10 spirals 

 Catch Your Shadow

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12/5/2020                                     mc mf md

This is really good, right up until the horror influences peak out towards the end. Which makes sense for a JB story, seeing as how he's a horror fan, but for me it kinda pulls the rug out from under me? Still, it's a good story, even if the actual mind control part is a little abrupt, and of course it's all magic, that's the basic premise from the beginning. 8/10 spirals 

 Absent Minded Me

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12/12/2020                                   mc

Another induction, and using pleasure to train amnesia. It's a solid approach, though one I'm not really qualified to evaluate the efficacy of? I'm one of those folk who did spontaneous amnesia from the jump until I was actively trained out of it, and amnesia suggestions come naturally for me. But hey, if you're trying to practice, maybe give this a read and let yourself go with it? 9/10 spirals 

 Boy Inside the Man

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12/19/2020                                   mc mm rb

There's probably something to discuss between the Girls(tm) coming off as gentle and caretakers (right up until they take control) and the Boys being so aggressive. The Girls(Tm) playing on underlying cultural associations to be disarming, maybe, and Revolution Technology betraying their own assumptions and biases? IDK, but every story with the Boys just makes me like them less and want more stories with the Girls(tm) more. Personal preference, I suppose. either way, I don't like the aggression here, even if Tommy seems to have enjoyed himself. 7/10 spirals 

 Jailbreak

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12/26/2020                                   mc mf ff md fd ma cb

Ok, but *why* was it? How was it? Jukebox, that ending is NOT FAIR. At ALL. Who is only one of the important questions. That all said, this is another Liberty Legion story, so I naturally really enjoy it, especially seeing even one of the strongest of the team pushed to her limits. But it does leave me with more questions than answers. 9/10 spirals 

 Zoinks!

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1/2/2021                                       mc mf ff md

Of course a story with this title is a Scooby Doo parody. There was never any choice in the matter, was there? And as someone who's entirely too fond of rendering my redheaded girlfriend helpless with a gold (ok, brass, but STILL) coin, I'm fond of this story. The end isn't my cup of tea, exactly, (betrayal never is) but the rest is wonderful. 8/10 spirals 

 Desire Brings Me Back

 date uploaded   date updated     Tags

1/9/2021                                       mc ff

Oh, I enjoy Staysa's delivery rather a lot here. The rest of it isn't .... it's a bit "magic drug does whatever the author needs it to" for my personal tastes, and the "bisexuality to be used in spywork but never acknoweldeged" hits a little too close to home, with how society fetishizes but also demonizes queer identities. I prefer escapism to seeing these things reflected in my stories, as a personal preference, so that's a bit of a turnoff for me. Seeing Clarice's attempts at rationalizations, even as she knows that they are rationalizations, are fun though. 7/10 spirals 

 Queen Lullabye

 date uploaded   date updated     Tags

1/16/2021                                     mc ff

And the last review of the current stage of this project! After this, Jukebox started posting to ROM as well as the EMCSA, and that's my arbitary cutoff (because I needed A cutoff). And what a story it is, a story of a Fae Queen of sleep and slumber and dreaming. Such a story to read right before going to a hypnocon with my Fae-like girlfriend. Not that either of us would do the sex thing in this story, but the "you may pay in service"  line might just happen? Thanks for the inspiration, Jukebox! And while there's a fair bit of sex in this one, it's all in service of the control so it doesn't bother me as it does sometimes. 10/10 spirals

[pinkliminality]

Dear Journal

I'm not sure where I have landed, but it is a strange place. I still had my sketchbook in hand when I fell, so I guess it's my journal for... I guess documentation? The walls are covered in a geometric, floral wallpaper. Looks like it's from the 50s, but newer. The carpet under my feet is soft and plush to the touch. I took my shoes off very early on. *There is a doodle off to the side of heels with a caption 'These heels were not made for walking'* I'm not sure how long I've been walking around these halls, but the walls and floors never change, nor does the incessant buzzing from the lights above me. I'll find a place to rest and then I'll make a general list of what I got on me.

Good news! I found a bed in this strange place! I hope I won't be intruding if I take a short nap on it. There's a dresser beside it, unfortunately it doesn't open, but there's a few snacks and drinks on it! I'm eating some as we speak *heart* the weird thing is... Why is there Teriyaki flavored beef jerky in this place? The granola bars? *little doodle of a soda captioned 'Why is this in this place?'* It's strange, but... I haven't seen anyone in the time I've been here. I wonder if anyone even knows I'm missing yet. Anyways, I'm going to take a short nap. My knees and ankles are killing me from all that walking!

Dear Journal,

I'm sorry. I was so frazzled earlier, I never introduced myself. my name is Josephine and I'm 26 years old. I've lived in the south of the US for my entire life. Well, before I fell here. I was going out on my day off when I fell here, hence the hills I mentioned earlier. cannot forget those. after doing a quick check on what all I have on me, this is why I still have:

1. My house key

2. My car key

3. My phone (but I don't have service, go figure)

4. This journal

5. The sketch pencil with it

At least I have a few of my things.

Well, I woke up to a water bottle and breakfast sandwich on the dresser! I don't know how long I've been sleeping, but my lights feel better. Jell, it's almost like I haven't been walking at home!

Well, the sandwich was bacon, egg, and cheese! The egg was even cooked how I liked it! Weirdly though, the yolk was running but it never actually dripped off the sandwich. I guess fluids move differently here? Wait, no. The soda I drink definitely moved normally. Hold on.

Ok, fluids can't spell, or trip from the containers here. That's.... Odd. Well, odder is that... there's a note on the dresser now. There is no name on it, no address, just a piece of paper, with a wax seal in the shape of a heart on it. I took a picture before I opened it, so once I have service, I'll upload it. Under normal circumstances, I think it'd be best to avoid reading letters that appear out of nowhere, but curiosity has gotten the better of me. *Doodle of a letter, sealed with a heart, with the caption "Who wrote this?" Beside it.*

It was... A strangely romantic letter. Something about it just... I don't know. I can't explain it. Whoever, or whatever, wrote this clearly means it, in probably a most genuine way possible. I've never received a love letter before it wasn't signed, but the one who wrote this clearly knew who I already was. they even offered me a door home. It's tempting, truly, but.. I want to know more about this admire. Maybe...

Regardless, now that I know I still have my phone, I want to try and take pictures if I can. The environment doesn't seem to respond to the camera, so it looks like a void in my background, but I can still take pictures of the items! I was going to take a photo of the soda can and the sandwich wrapper, but when I looked back at the dresser, it was cleaned off. I guess the letter writer cleaned off the dresser? Or, maybe the room is self cleaning? Either way, I'm going to meet the one behind these letters.

[misterhunterwolf2871]

Now here's something I KNOW I haven't uploaded onto here yet, because it's almost brand new!

Well, kinda. You see, back when I made The Clumsy Bread Waltz, I didn't want to release something with 9 songs in it. If I did, I would have uploaded everything by now XD

(I'm not used to being able to do such long paragraph breaks, sorry.) This was amongst many "candidates" for Forgot the 02, mostly old projects from 2020~2021 that I never uploaded. The idea was to properly mix a bunch of those songs. However, as I made more and more recent songs, I ended up removing a bunch of them, until recently when I finally finalized the album list. Out of everything, Tomsong was, while not what I had originally intended, the only remaining one. And you know what? I think it fits in well as a transition song from the simplistic complexity of The Clumsy Bread Waltz to the electronic sounds of Electric Owen (2023 Ver.) and Lunology.

The original idea for this song was to be released as a Clone Hero chart exclusive to drums. Though, instead of you playing an entire drum kit, you played... The toms, hence the name. I'm pretty sure I wanted to give Tomsong an actual name when I first made it, but I ended up sticking with it. Trust me, I've come up with far weirder names ("Harpsichord go Brrr" is a prime example of this). In terms of a Forgot the 01 equivalent to this song (since many Forgot the 02 songs have comparable Forgot the 01 equivalents), there isn't an intended one, but I'm realizing that this is similar to "Hunter The Smart", which if I ever remaster Forgot the 01 I'm totally renaming, alongside Logilogy. Anyways that's enough text. I guess I'll upload... Well I already uploaded Electric Owen and Månens Känsla, so I guess Lunology is next, if I haven't uploaded that one also. And Dafal. And then the finale song. Ok bye

[simscapades]

Gretchen Kwon by @hookareh

After being sent home Gretchen tried her hand at stand up comedy.  She had some minor success but soon grew tired of the limelight. And she instead switched lanes to the corporate world by starting her own company, manufacturing and selling clothing to pets. It’s currently in the top 10 of Sim Nation’s most successful companies in that business.

The experience of stand up gave her a boyfriend in club bouncer Ulysses and she has since meeting him finally experienced her first kiss( and then some). The couple currently live with their “baby”, the pug, Princess Kiki of Puppington - Kiki for short, in a small but fancy villa in New Crest.

[duckapus]

Candace 10

Look, at this point you shouldn’t be surprised. I love making Candace do cool shit, I love crossovers, I love AUs, and nobody can stop me.

Summer vacation is here again, though it’s off to a slower start than last year since the Flynn-Fletchers are on a camping trip the first couple days. Then Candace goes on a walk before dinner, nearly gets hit by a meteorite that turns out to actually be a metal ball, unwillingly gets a new watch, and suddenly this summer gets a lot more interesting for all the wrong reasons.

Starting Playlist

Mudslide- A Lenopan. Candace doesn’t know how to shapeshift properly at first, so she starts out just using the fact that she’s a massive mud monster and throws her weight around.

Big Chill- Using the original design instead of Omniverse, obviously, though she also wears a red and white vest since I like the “clothes turn into some kind of uniform” thing that OG and Omniverse do.

Nodestool- some kind of weird mushroom with legs that can control plants and has no discernible facial features but can still see and talk. It also smells like popcorn for some reason.

XLR8- Candace’s favorite alien hands-down.

Prick- Argit’s species. Name taken from Ink Tank’s version because the original name I came up with was dumb.

Ball Weevil- I just really like them ok?

Brick Brawl- a massive humanoid made of stone, with an appearance partially inspired by the Iron Golems from Minecraft, because all starting playlists need The Punchy One.

Overflow- The best reboot alien in my opinion. They’re all good but Overflow’s the best.

Proxi- The same kind of AI that Pixi and Otto are. No I don’t care that they’re robots and not an actual species this is my AU and I do what I want.

Outa’ Sprite- One of the elves from Hilda. Candace doesn’t know about the paperwork stuff until later so she just thinks there’s nothing she can do about being invisible and selectively intangible, hence the name.

The whole family(well, whole immediate family) knows about her having the Omnitrix right from the start since they were there for it, and she tells the other kids, Stacy, Jeremy and Jenny about it as soon as she gets the chance since she knows from her love of superhero comics and from the boys’ run as The Beak that keeping this stuff secret from those close to you just causes problems in the long run.

The kids actually end up helping her with hero stuff because of course they do, with Phineas and Ferb using the Beak suit, Baljeet using Hulkjeet(since I need Mission Marvel to be canon for plot reasons), and Isabella and Buford discovering they’re 1/4 Osmosian and 1/2 Anodyte respectively. Also Animo ends up as Candace’s nemesis because of course he does, and actually manages to create a fully functional Omnitrix knockoff called the Terratrix that lets its wearer turn into different mutants he designs and uploads into it, giving it to his summer intern/assistant Wendy “Snail” Vires, aka that one girl Candace had a food fight with in Unfair Science Fair, because I wanted Candace to have a rival but Kevin’s spot is being taken up by Isabella.

Perry, in the meantime, has his time split between helping Heinz be a good guy, helping the kids without them finding out about him, and fighting evil without the consistency of a nemesis, so his summer’s pretty packed.

Things of course get thrown for a loop when Vilgax shows up, and there are a lot of reveals packed into a very short time frame.

The obvious stuff, like the Omnitrix’s name and who’s been sending all those drones.

Grandpa Reginald turns out to be a retired Plumber, he just never brought it up before now because after the NDAs ran out it just wasn’t that relevant to his current life. If he’d known about Candace having the watch earlier he absolutely would’ve mentioned it though.

Perry sees Candace getting absolutely thrashed by Vilgax and blows his cover to go utterly ballistic on him.

Except it turns out that Candace has known since Africa due to being part of the battle against Evil Carl’s robot army and just never mentioned it.

Ferb has also known since Ready for the Bettys since he didn’t build the lair and Phineas clearly didn’t build the lair and also never mentioned it.

Linda finds out about Phineas and Ferb’s inventing prowess and realizes Candace was right about all the things that happened last summer, and also finds out that the reason the boys and Lawrence never told her is because they hadn’t realized she didn’t know the full extent of it.

She also apparently didn’t know that Candace wasn’t the only one being a superhero this summer.

Candace and Perry lose to Vilgax and both get captured and the Omnitrix glitches out and gets set to shuffle when they manage to escape, while the ship ends up under attack by the adult Flynn-Fletchers in the Flying Car of the Future Today, the kids using their powers, and the Doofenshmirtz family and Stacy in the Doofenshmirtz #### Inc. Blimp, eventually leading to another one-on-one fight between Candace and Vilgax that she just barely wins due to both her unpredictable shuffling between aliens and unlocking a new form called Inkydink that looks and acts like it came out of a rubberhose cartoon, with all the slapstick invincibility and strength that implies.

And I do have a lot more for this AU but this seems like enough to start off with.

[versegm]

Yoo for the director's cut thing, tell me all about EXITS, PURSUED BY A BEAR

BOY DO I HAVE SHIT TO SAY ABOUT THIS FIC

Under the readmore cuz it got really long

First of all, I dunno if anyone has noticed, but it is very intentional that Anne is the only one here with no descriptor. You could read it as being because Anne is fundamentally a stranger to this play, you could read it as the character descriptions being written by Marcy and Marcy being unable to reduce Anne to a few lines, I intentionally kept it vague.

The Core is genuinely surprised when asking "You want to change who you are?" because they're referring to Marcy as a person rather than the DnD character. The Core is someone who is, fundamentally, averse to change- it's a collection of people who got uploaded on the same hard drive because they were afraid to die, or worse, become irrelevant. Marcy stating she wants to try something different, aka to change, aka to grow as a person, is something The Core sincerely cannot understand.

Ok. So. This fic was initially kickstarted by me playing inscription around the same time a friend of mine was watching Amphibia, prompting the idea of "The Core would be like P03 and fucking chain Marcy to a table to force her to play DnD." Followed by "Anne would be like Leshy and play DnD with Marcy as she is literally dying. Her hand crumbles to ashes when she tries to grab the dice, and all she replies is we can just do regular roleplay."

While the idea was largely overwritten, I kept the initial "Marcy chained to the table" thing.

Making sure The Core never used personal pronouns prior to this scene was a fucking pain my guy. I hesitated to keep the "and me," but I thought it'd be better this way.

I am SO proud of this entire scene you have no idea. Marcy realizing who she's talking to, and refusing to aknowledge them as a single individual, because they're not, they're just a bunch of dead guys in a trenchcoat. Marcy realizing that she, too, should be dead, that neither of us should be here. The Core trying to amp up the manipulation. Marcy asking for what she values the most- her friends. The Core once again going for mind games. Marcy disregarding that and instead asking for what The Core took from her- first her life, then her body (through possession) and finally, her death, because if she has nothing else at the very least she should be allowed to die. People die when they are killed. How dare you make her into a puppet for your own use. How dare you make her less than a person.

Friend of mine pointed out that "attempting to tear off/amputate a body part with your own teeth" is a leitmotiv in my works. What can I say. I have a type.

This line is a direct echo to Marcy's earlier line.

And so closes Act One! And starts Act One. These bitches are stuck in a time loop, endlessly rehearsing the same act because Marcy keeps breaking character.

Notice how Marcy does not mistake the Core for Andrias this time. Also how her reaction to the Core bringing up DnD is "huh, weird, how did you know that about me, I don't know you." I wanted to give the impression that despite the Core's best efforts, with each loop Marcy takes less and less time to Realize.

Thankfully this loop is cut short as Anne interrupts the play. The speaking roles are always in the same order, Anne-Marcy-The Core. While Anne and The Core both ignore Marcy, Marcy is very aware of what they're discussing, hence why she goes from "what the FUCK is going on" to "PLEASE don't do this."

And we get to act two! Anne and Marcy have now switched place. Marcy is part of the audience as a mean to escape, though she very much did not want that.

I really like writing the Core because in one hand, yes, they're blatantly manipulating/guilt-tripping people. On the other hand, they're very much speaking the truth, and that's why it hurts so much. I'm pointing out this specific scene, but it was the same earlier with Marcy and the whole "you know your friends will not come for you. They never had. And now they never will, because of what you did."

Anyways! Anne dies. The Core freaks out about it, because, again, the Core was fundamentally created from the fear of death. Someone willingly choosing to die is completely alien to them.

Notice how Anne refers to worlds in plural, while the Core speaks of it in singular. Anne loves both Amphibia and Earth and the people in it. The Core never saw Earth as anything but ressources to begin with.

The Core is right in that Marcy so, so badly wants to save Anne. Hence why Marcy completely bypass them to go to Anne directly.

I just like this bit a lot <3

Something something individuality and fear of death so strong it doomed all of them.

I'm really trying to give the sense that through the whole Act 2, Anne is acting tough and aloof regarding her own fate, but in the end, it's only just acting. She wants to look unaffected to rub the salt on the Core's wound, and so Marcy doesn't get hurt seeing die, but as her fate gets closer and closer her true feelings start seeping through.

Also, that last line was heavily inspired by a real interpretation of Hamlet I went to see a while back. The whole encounter would be too long to fit here but if you're interested I wrote about it over there.

Really proud of this scene too. Anne is right about to die, and all masks are off. She's no longer the proud confident thing that taunted the Core. She's a kid. She's just thirteen. She's a kid and she's about to die, and though she chose this, though she did this to herself- she didn't want this. She didn't want to die. She really, really didn't want to die.

Aka be going insane over the fact that she was crying in her canon death scene.

And at last, the hero dies, because it's the only thing left for her to do.

[partnersatfazbear]

Sketchbook Pages 41, 42 (according to my notes)

Hope you guys are enjoying all these double uploads of art and fanfic =XD I’m just really wanting to leave yall with something to tide yourselves over!

To give some background info, I’ve been: drawing a lot of anatomy, especially legs; drawing a lot of non-FNAF fan art (because I’ve been playing old games as a comfort mechanism--I am absolutely miserable without my things and it sucks)

Page 41: I scribbled a lot of notes... Spoilers for RS Chapter... 17? Some fluff, some crazy!Will. I drew his face upside down and like... ya know without turning the paper, and it came out pretty creepy. I hate it XD I reread RS and I just really love William talking to the Spring Bonnie head. I’d probably watch an entire movie of him just crazy rambling, venting, and crying over this inanimate thing he loves. It’s really where you can tell William has gone off the deep end. Even though this was an idea I had originally, I’m glad that TSE’s actually reinforced the idea somewhat. Rewatching FNAF 6 again cuz why not... my wife and I always joke that Henry would encourage Mike to purposely fuck up the Scraptrap salvage mini-game. XD Drew a little comparison of my Mike and William, since they are very similar. The top drawings were done in a pen I prefer, but I misplaced it (like always) and had to switch to a more liquid pen and... well, my sketches get super sloppy with it since the heavier ink tends to dab and smear. I drew this spoiler sketch for Sammy and the AlmagAfton and was wondering where I got the inspiration from (pretty sure it was End of Evangelion. I’ve been biding my time waiting for my wife’s vacation to watch Evangelion 4.0 and it sucks waiting. End of Evangelion, which 4.0 is a recreation of, happens to be in like my top 3 anime films of all time, so...) ANYWAY, I decided to give CEO!Sammy a rabbit... he names it PJ... I very very much picture him like a Bond villain and that’s OK. =:) Oh, the random girl in the center is my personal OC. I wanted to draw her in the night guard uniform >>; She’s a cop in my universe, anyway...

Page 42: The top left has some scraps from other pages (you aren’t missing anything, I was doing non FNAF comic page planning underneath). These were done in pencil, hence the shade difference. Drawing faces and emotions is a huge comfort for me.Like I said before, I reread RS and it’s such a shame Elizabeth and Charlotte didn’t hang out more “on screen”, as I think Charlotte would be this quiet, mature type; Elizabeth is an impulsive and stubborn type (like their old men, I guess). So, like, Elizabeth could get Charlotte to open up more and Charlotte could teach Elizabeth some manners XD There’s a small sketch in the center of a (badly drawn) William for the scene when the Mangle prototype briefly comes to life due to the dog remnant. It’s a creepy scene in the story, even if the theory is universally hated now. It’s not something I believe, really, but I NEEDED it to happen so William could discover Remnant. There’s more angry William and a few more sketches of CEO!Sammy. I really have fun drawing him and I was refining the idea from the previous page. He’s one of many posessed by Glitchtrap, so I tried to show that... (Also, it bothers me that he looks like Rasputin from Devil Summoner: Raidou Kuzunoha 1, BUT its fine. I’ll deal with it.) Please ignore my Aerith sketches. Since my PS4 HDMI died and I can’t get it repaired and I can’t find/afford a PS5 and I haven’t experimented with remote play as a back up yet, I can’t replay FFVIIR, so I’m playing FFVII on my Switch again. Aerith is probably my favorite character of all time, so...

As you guys may have guessed I’m really revving up on inspiration to try and finish Truth Seeker... I think I will be posting more of it soon as the final two chapters of RS come out.

If you like my work, please reblog it, share it, or at least comment and let me know what you loved =:) I really wanna cater more to you guys, but I have no idea where to begin!

[nctinthehouse]

2-3PM

pairing: reader x bf!Doyoung

genre: fluff, suggestive, established relationship!au

wc: 1.0k

⚠️ warning(s): suggestive themes

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28th September

–

Currently you and Doyoung are at a nearby park by your apartment. Earlier, you asked him if he could be your model for a photography project you are working on. You couldn't have asked for someone better because hello?? Have you seen Doyoung? Your boyfriend IS a model.

You wanted Doyoung to look as natural as possible so you didn't put much makeup on him apart from a bit of light lip tint. He didn't need it. You also wanted Doyoung to stand out among nature so you asked him to wear something pink.

You were in the living room checking your bag and camera when Doyoung came out of your shared bedroom wearing a pink shirt with matching trousers, you looked at him in awe and said

“wow did you just come from a photo shoot or something?”

Doyoung suddenly starts doing random poses and winks and you stifle a laugh

“come on let’s go” as you get up from the couch and head out

‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‎

The project has to showcase natural beauty and nature hence why you guys are currently at the park. You found an area where there weren't a lot of people around, surrounded by huge trees and lots of flowers. Even though it wasn't spring anymore, the bright autumn flowers along with Doyoung in pink made it seem like it was.

You set all your stuff down and show Doyoung where you wanted him. As Doyoung fixes his outfit, you start looking through your camera to check which angles and what kind of shots you wanted to take.

You slightly jog up to him and fix a few pieces of his hair. As you were focused on fixing his hair, Doyoung looks at you lovingly before you both look into each other’s eyes intently and surprises you with a peck on your lips.

You look at him with wide eyes and scrunch your face as Doyoung pinches your nose

“alright let’s get to work” you say as you poke his stomach

Doyoung leans down and gives you another peck

“yes ma’am”

About halfway through the shoot or so, you take a quick look through the pictures you’ve taken so far as you make your way up to him. Grinning widely as you were happy with everything so far

“babe you're a natural! i knew i could count on you”

Doyoung stands up straight and puts his hands on his hips

“of course! have you seen my insta? all the shoots i’ve done?”

You fold your arms and raise an eyebrow at him as he continues

“did you not see me at the Cosmo shoot the other day? wow so sexy”

“ok, whatever you say mr sexy show off” chuckling and rolling your eyes before going to grab your bag so you guys can move on to a new area

Doyoung claps his hand and gasps

“oho! so you agree”

When you come back, you grab Doyoung by his shoulders and push him to the next spot

“alright alright, less talking more posing”

“gotcha boss”

A while later, you were finally finished with all the things you wanted to do for this shoot. Everything went as planned and you were very happy with the results.

“Doyoung thank you, that's it!” you shout at Doyoung who’s now making his way to you

“good job, you’ve worked hard” smiling up at him

“thanks, you’ve worked hard too babe” kissing your temple then grabbing his bottle

“do you want to see the photos?”

Doyoung nods his head as he takes a few sips from his bottle

“here, let me know what you think” as you pass your camera to Doyoung

Doyoung looks in awe as he looks through the photos, his mouth slightly open

“wow Y/N these look amazing! imagine how it would look once you upload everything to your computer”

You nudge your elbow at him as you feel your cheeks heat up at his compliments

“babe these are so good, i might even upload some of it on my insta”

You let out a gasp and raise your eyebrows

“wow really? they must be REALLY good if they’re going on your insta”

“of course!”

As you’re crouching down and packing up your stuff that was on the floor into your bag, you look up to see Doyoung’s confused expression

“wait what's this?” furrowing his brows in confusion

You get up and look to see that Doyoung has noticed the photos you sneakily took of him at the Cosmo shoot the other day

You let out a small gasp

“n-nothing” pulling on his arm, trying to snatch your camera off from him

Doyoung raises his arm holding your camera as high as he can, out of your reach

“argh why is this so heavy for one arm??”

“aahhh Doyoungggg” whining as you continue to try to get your camera back

“Y/N what's with the pictures of me?” Doyoung asks as he raises an eyebrow and smirks

“it's just for a project…” finally managing to snatch your camera back from him

“plus you looked really hot that day…” you mumble as you can feel your face heating up

You grab your bag from the floor and start to walk away but Doyoung grabs your wrist and holds onto your waist, pulling you in closer. You look up at him, unable to figure out his expression as he looks into your eyes intensely

“why do you even need the pictures when you have the real me?”

Leaning down, his lips nibbling your ear and he whispers

“Y/N you don't even need to ask… i’ll be your model anyday”

Doyoung then starts sliding his hand down to your butt, giving it a squeeze

You gasp

“Kim Doyoung we’re in public!!!” slapping his hand and pushing him away slightly before making your way back to your apartment

Doyoung lets out a small laugh and smirks. He catches up to you and grabs your hand, tugging you to walk faster

“slow down! why are you walking so fast?”

“to show you how good of a model i can be for you, also you created a problem and now you need to fix it”

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[cupidlakes]

I'm getting kinda worried that George might be feeling like every stream he does needs to be better than the last stream (for the main channel ofc) and the reason why he hasn't been streaming if because he has no idea what to stream? I mean, it's been so long since we've gotten a solo stream from him.

It's like how people comment on Karl always needing someone else on his stream for him to be able to stream and I just wonder if George is starting to go towards that path as well. I really hope that George knows that we would watch him play anything at this point really and he's just as entertaining by himself as he is with others. This is me desperate for a solo stream tbh, I like Dream Team, Sex Havers n Feral Boys dynamics but I feel like when he's on his own, he becomes a bit more open about himself?

Also, yeah I agree with you with the whole editing stuff as well but I also kinda understand George with the whole executive dysfunction. Streaming and editing are both kinda his jobs, it's hard to get another job going when you're stuck with this job that is very overwhelming for you to do that causes you to procrastinate on it and also hinders you from doing anything else as well because you need to finish that one first. Reminds me of when George said how his life qualify does down when he's in his editing arc, gosh so relatable.

I just hope he doesn't push himself too hard. I just want him to feel comfortable streaming whatever and whenever he wants, not everything has to be planned. Yeah, this is me in my missing George arc.

this ask is quite long (although i appreciate it) so my answer is it going to be under the cut!!

i mean yeah basically this, i don’t want to sound repetitive because i think i’ve said this a lot but i do also feel like george is falling into the trap of feeling like he has to put out big! and planned! streams on the gnf twitch channel when before it used to be for whatever (looks like it’s reflecting in his main channel on yt too, like how “go big or go home” the challenges have been feeling recently)

like i guess that’s what his alt is for and i understand the need to have a distinction between “high-effort” content and more lowkey stuff but even that seems like it’s become another burden for george when it comes to: finding stuff to do/play and feeling like he “has to” keep up on donations and gifted subs etc etc. it just makes me think about how at the end of the day some of the most beloved streams among the fandom have been the more lowkey ones or the ones which devolved into chaos naturally and although his planned streams are well-received view-wise and stuff (and his effort is always appreciated, words can’t explain how much i love the cooking stream for example) it isn’t worth seeing our cc missing in action for so long <\3 ppl have pointed out streamers like tubbo, ranboo and tommy have struck a good balance when it comes to delivering a steady stream of both high + “low” effort content both equally enjoyed by their viewers

when people say they’d watch george do anything they /mean it/ not in the “oh he can be lazy and put out any old rubbish and we’d eat it up” but in the fact that seeing him enjoy himself alone or with friends is more than enough, we’re drawn to his personality and whatever he puts out is going to be appealing most of the time! some people even resonate more with chilled out content that’s not so “high-effort” we are here for george not the games he plays or his concepted ideas, it’s him doing whatever, his reactions, his persona, him

i feel like george sometimes “falling” on needing other presences in his streams has more to do with the fact that he’s clearly the most comfortable/energetic among friends and bouncing off them is easier, he’s expressed before that he can’t talk for very long himself unprompted so having other people there must be comfortable but yes, solo streams are very treasured in that he seems more willing to open up when he’s alone and tell rambled stories and it’s just… nice i wish he’d see the appeal in occasional solo streams like when he used to speedrun! because he is actually good at carrying them and creating a good vibe, there’s a reason why so many ppl seem to be asking for one right now

and the editing stuff just makes me sad he should know that he doesn’t have to live like this i know he stubbornly wants to be the one to edit his videos (or dream because he trusts he’ll do them justice) but he should realise that there are ways he can better his quality of life in this aspect even looking into finding ppl willing to edit in a similar fashion and offering the resources to (hence my idea of accepting ppls work and looking through for contenders) or finding more effective ways to edit instead of dedicating all his time to one vid and clearly stressing out about it especially because technically he also works on his own terms? there’s nothing wrong with having set deadlines for yourself and feeling like an upload is due and i’m glad he’s not lazy in that aspect god bless or delivering content generally

but being purely unable to concentrate on anything else because you’re focussed on a single video for two weeks sounds awful

hey these are just my messy thoughts though at the end of the day i also take into account he could be busy with general life stuff i’m just making a commentary on him explaining why he disappears and why it’s so hard for him to edit in that time, hope he’s ok <3 and i hope the vid is a banger though i trust it will be, my cc is a perfectionist!

[arathia]

Ok, this has been something I've been considering and wondering: can souls be bound by mana in Arathia? And if so, could someone transfer a soul into a core that can be placed in an automaton? Or just posses an automaton itself? I have some many questions I've been wanting to ask that I feel I finally need to! 

I love answering this stuff or chatting about this stuff in general, so by all means, please do go ahead! :D

This is a very complex one too- So, first of all, regular Undead are still bound to their bodies. Corpses, and then later Slimes, are Souls bound to Magic, but that Magic is, in particular, the Magic within their bodies at first, and then the liquefied, raw organic Mana that makes Slimes up derived from their bodies. As such, they're still kinda bound and cannot be transferred.

Now, however: Liches, they split their Soul from their body- Hence it being wispier than Slime-, and can, in fact, bind it to other things for safekeeping. This unique scenario makes it so that they can, in fact, take over other bodies through long-term exposure (Though usually not if the body is alive, though there's precedent for this also happening with particularly malicious and powerful ones-), or somewhat puppeteer objects and items it has been bound to. As such, yes, theoretically, a Lich would be able to possess an Automaton, but there'd be caveats. Inorganic things are more difficult for the Soul to properly manipulate, hence why I used the term 'puppeteering' earlier, and the Soul cannot bind or override to the Arcane Core because they're different and kinda incompatible kinds of Magic Fuckery. Which means: If the Automaton is active, there's practically no chance for a Lich to override it and be able to bind to it and control it, and if it's inactive, it will be barely 'controlling it' and more kinda creepy, jittery and difficult movement.

The easier idea would be to somehow upload a consciousness into an Arcane Core and affix it to an Automaton Body, but that is not something the technology in Arathia is capable of handling currently. So, the closest to full on 'transhumanism' you're gonna get is jittery inanimate objects, arcane prostheses, patchwork undead, and shapeshifting slimes.

[creamypudding]

Woeful WIP Wednesday

Hi! This is the start of my Woeful WIP Wednesday series of posts which will happen on Wednesdays, duh. And before anyone gets up at me about it not being Wednesday yet... just remember time zones exist in this world, and yeah, it is actually Wednesday.

Other things about the name... Most of these WIPs I'm happy with so it's not the actual stories that are woeful. It's the fact that they are still WIPs and not finished that is woeful to me, hence the name, yeah? Ok 😄

So with that out of the way...

I've gone through all my folders and found the various bits and pieces of writing I've begun and let slide or abandoned. My hope is that by letting them be free on Tumblr I might either A) remember that these stories exist, B) perhaps get a renewed appreciation and motivation to poke them, C) give myself permission to never look at them again.

Some of these WIPs I 100% mean to finish one day. Some I know I won't. Some I have actually finished but haven't polished completely or something's getting in the way of me doing a final pass so I don't consider them worthy of going onto my Ao3 account just yet but hopefully will one day.

The WIPs I'm gonna upload are also of various lengths. I have some completed chapters that are thousands of words long, I have some that are mere hundreds of words long and are slips of ideas I started to formulate.

I have 10 AkuRoku WIPs and 6 Zakkura ones. Each week I'll post one WIP and the pattern will be 2 AkuRoku WIPs followed by 1 Zakkura to mix things up a bit. I'll blab a bit about the WIP and post the full WIP under the cut.

If there is anything in particular people would like to know about the stories or the creative process in future posts please let me know and I’ll incorporate more information if people are interested in that sort of thing. If you give me direction I can follow through.

I hope you will enjoy these WIPs and I trust you'll judge them way less harshly than what I judge my own writing.

So anyway, kicking things off I have a very short and sweet AkuRoku WIP. 

I started this in May 2019 and it's technically 'done' but I haven't posted it because it's not done to my specific level of 'done-ness'. All it needs is a little polish. A little editing here and there. Fixing the grammatical and spelling errors, and fleshing it out in a few spots perhaps.

It's the 'fleshing out' bit that hasn't happened and that's truly stopping me from considering this a finished product.

This story is called ‘10 ways to fall in love’ but I never came up with 10 scenarios which I suspect is why this story will never be finished. I could change the name of it and if I ever post it I will change the name of it. In fact, most of the WIPs I post would have different names if they ever do go up on Ao3.

But going back to this specific WIP— it is a canon story spanning Days, KH2, KH3, and after, which is maybe the biggest culprit in regards to why I never finished this story. I don’t do well with canon-based story telling. It’s too much pressure to get everything canon-compliant. Do people ask for things to be right? Probably not so much, but my brain is very hyperfocused on getting things right, which is a huge road block to my creativity and the reason why I prefer AUs.

I don't have much else to say about this story but if you enjoy this, or any of the other WIP’s it would be great if you would let me know.

If others are passionate about these stories it might make me passionate about them again. But who knows.

Rated G

Word count - 951

10 ways to fall in love

What do you call it?

This feeling I have?

Love?

No. Too strong, or not strong enough

A name

A special name

Your name

It was always your name

That made me feel like I had a heart

They didn’t have a name for it. They didn’t even know if what they felt was real because how could a Nobody feel anything. For Axel it was just a ghost of a memory of his old life. For Roxas it was an endless source of confusion because these strange sensations fluttered in his body all the time when he was around Axel. It was incredibly dull at first but grew exponentially bigger with the passing days.

He couldn’t reconcile that even the most tedious missions were made fun when they were around each other - though he shouldn’t be able to have fun without a heart. What were any of the experiences that ever happened between them, without a heart? They felt nothing. They were Nobodies. They couldn't be anything other than empty husks.

That had always been the greatest lie which had been told to them, which they chose to believe, until it became impossible, though the denial sat rife in the way they denied their joy, sadness, and anger. But the strongest denial flowed from the warmth and nameless affections that fluttered in the chest and stomach when they were together. Such a thing was most unbelievable of all and merely a figment of the imagination - a vestige of when they were Somebodies, a quiet echo in a vast nothingness of their actual existence. Even for Roxas, with his half-formed ideas of his Somebodies life.

But none of these things mattered because Roxas disappeared and Axel died.

"He made me feel like I had a heart." A quiet whisper of a thought, made real and said aloud finally crumbled the paper-thin veneer which Axel had clung too, all too late to do anything about.

And he is reborn, and now knows better. Lea knows better. He understands his returned heart which aches and bleeds broken and shattered even as it is physically whole inside himself, pumping blood. His soul has gone, reappearing for fleeting moments when he sees Sora get a certain look in his eyes, or uses a turn of phrase. A spark exists and it jolts Lea every time closer to awareness - closer to a name.

And then he is in that most miserable of places, fighting a war that might never be won, but he must try because the promise of what lies ahead if he does win is worth every risk. He fights for his friends, present and gone, and then out of almost nowhere Lea's heart is returned and whole and stronger than ever before, and his memories are back, and he holds the two people most dear to him. He cannot lose them again and does everything in his power to protect them both, and it is a safe feeling because it stops him from thinking too hard or feeling too strongly the flutters and warmth, and the soothing in his heart.

But he feels it all again, and let's himself be overcome by it as the never-setting sun of Twilight Town is observed with his most favorite people in the whole wide world sitting next to him.

He scooches a little closer, seeking the warmth and reassurance of Roxas next to him. The tinkling laugh builds his own and drips deep down into his body and soul to become the best sound he's always known to miss.

Happiness engulfs him. But it is not the word he looks for when he sees Roxas walking, talking, laughing, grumbling, and eating ice cream. It is so much bigger and all-encompassing than this miniscule word for a feeling..

"I never stopped wanting you back. I never stopped fighting to get you back," he confesses in the evening on Destiny Island, during a rare moment alone on this summer vacation full of reunions and happy tidings.

"I know. I saw, I heard."

"You did?"

Roxas nods and swings his legs as they dangle off the pier the both of them at sitting on.

It warms Lea’s heart to know Roxas was never far away. “I think I felt you – there in Sora. When he got angry and frustrated.”

Roxas laughs. “I was always angry and frustrated in Sora. Everything felt so warm and fluffy inside of there.”

“Realy? Why would that make you angry?”

“Because it’s like eating nothing but honey – you get sick of it,” Roxas shakes his head, “But it’s worse because someone else is force-feeding it to you.”

"It's ok. Just seeing you – knowing you were there wanting to get me back was enough." Roxas leans, Lea receives and the feels which are always right there, in the middle of his chest ignite and burn so bright.

"I'm sorry I couldn't do anything to help you."

Lea hugs him tight, almost too tight. Roxas writhes against his arms and just as Lea makes to let go Roxas gets his own arms around Lea and squeezed him, robbing him of his breath for a few seconds, but Lea feels he could happily die in Roxas' arms and savors the crush.

They both end up laughing against each other, inhaling deep breaths, rubbing their cheeks against each other and leaning their foreheads together.

Everything they ever felt for each other is still there, but stronger, because they have hearts and acceptance of their reality.

"Axel," Roxas' breath tickles Lea's lips. He doesn't care to correct Roxas. Roxas could call him a heartless and he wouldn't care because Roxas is back and with him.

"I don't want you to ever disappear again," Lea murmurs.

"I don't want you to ever suffer again," Roxas apologizes. 

Lea cups Roxas' cheek, which is so soft and warm. "I never will as long as you're with me."

[jillianreneewriting]

Ok, Hear Me Out...

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST RANT AHEAD (specifically about Emma Watson and Dan Stevens 2017 remake).

Ok. So. I think I do this rant much better justice in my podcast (yes I plan on being more active again and uploading my podcast episodes as they come out here as well, though in the meantime they are available on Patreon and Spotify but I'll make a separate post about that later), but I still want to impart this wisdom upon others ASAP.

So for background, yesterday in my open discussion creative writing workshop course (we haven't started workshops yet so we're just discussing different topics each week, example this week was mostly characters) and we came upon the topic of tropes and how we raise the stakes, and suddenly I made a GIANT connection that I hadn't made in the past 4 years about this one movie. And now I can't get it out of my head - hence this post.

Before I explain where I'm going with this, please listen to just this snippet of Days in the Sun from Beauty and the Beast (2017), and keep it in mind as you continue to read onwards. (skip to 1:27 to get to the lines I'm talking about here. The segment ends at 1:55)

"I was innocent and certain, now I'm wiser - but unsure.

I can't go back into my childhood, one that my father made secure...

I can feel a change in me, I'm stronger now but still not free..."

A bit more background... as a reminder, this song begins, as Belle is tending to Prince Adam/The Beast's wounds after he saved her from the wolves. This is the turning point of the entire story, this is when she starts to notice that he isn't all roughness and rudeness. This is not entirely where I am going with this though.

We have all grown up knowing that Beauty and the Beast was a beautiful love story. There have been many adaptations for books, movies, musicals, and television shows, but one thing remains the same - that it is a romance. Period. Why do I bring this up? Because of having this knowledge going into this movie every time I've watched it for the past four years, I never noticed what I finally did yesterday.

Perhaps no other telling of this story is supposed to be like this (though I'm definitely going to do some digging and see if there's anyone else with similar thoughts and if so what their thoughts are on other popular remakes/adaptations), but even without this song, without these three specific lines being written by Alan Menken, it is clear that this telling is no longer the simple romance that we see the original story as, but instead, something much - much deeper, that anyone of any age can connect incredibly deeply with.

No, instead I think its main theme is the crossing of the threshold from being a girl, from being a child, to being an adult and young woman. This song merely reinforces it, if not screams at the audience "hey, pay attention to me, listen to my words, LOOK I'M NOT JUST A ROMANCE, I'M IMPORTANT." It quite literally in this regard, is a coming of age story, a coming of age romance.

Yes, Belle is supposed to be 17 according to Disney. She is an adult already age wise when the story starts, especially according to the time period this remake is set in - supposedly in the mid 1700s. But according to everyone around her, she is far from an adult. She lives alone with her father, she spends her time reading and inventing, and trying to teach children to read. She rebukes every advance from Gaston, seemingly the only "eligible bachelor" in their little town, their quiet village. None of this is what people would think of an adult woman would act like. She is far from considered to be an adult in their society.

In Days in the Sun, she addresses this herself when she refers to everything that had happened before that point in time, before she arrived at the castle, before her father left their home, as her childhood. She has stepped into the unknown, she has left her home, her father, everything she's ever known. Due to her forced separation from her father and her "provincial life," she is forced to grow up - and with that, we see her own character development, alongside Prince Adam's. When Gaston rounds up the villagers and goes to kill Adam, and Belle finally is able to get to the castle, she isn't just rebuking Gaston anymore, she is completely standing up to him, snapping his arrows in half - she is fending for both herself and for Adam, which is something she may not have had the instinct to do before her "crossing the threshold" into adulthood, into womanhood.

She never fully conforms to how most would expect a woman to act as an adult would. She continues her reading, Emma Watson herself had gripes about the lack of a scene she had wanted to end the movie, of them opening up the library to the public and her teaching young girls to read. She never gives up her passions, but instead embraces both the change, the uncertainty, alongside the interests she clearly displayed since the first mere minutes of the movie.

Moral of the story: 2017's Beauty and the Beast starring Emma Watson, Kevin Kline, Luke Evans, and Dan Stevens, isn't *just* a romance. Instead its main theme or focal point may indeed be the crossing of the threshold between childhood innocence and surety, to adulthood, loss of innocence, and uncertainty - the fear of the unknown. Just with a healthy sprinkling of romance thrown into the mix.

"I was innocent, and certain, now I'm wiser - but unsure,

I can't go back into my childhood, one that my father made secure,

I can feel a change in me, I'm stronger now but still not free..."

- sincerely, an English major who might be taking critique and reviews a bit too seriously...

[srbachchan]

DAY 4414(i)

Jalsa, Mumbai                       Apr 7/8,  2020                   Tue/Wed 8:14 AM

Alright .. tempers cooled a bit though not entirely .. the Tumblr format has again changed and it is off putting .. but what .. an alternative is not available , so one endures .. 

Please find below the social media links for the film, you can retweet this link on twitter on Facebook and can share this link, however since the duration is longer you will have to upload the video natively on IGTV on Instagram.  Attached is a google drive link of the film from where you can download the video and then upload it on IGTV on Instagram.

Twitter- https://twitter.com/SonyTV/status/1247187306764619779 FB- https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=983267872088458

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/tv/B-pQ_7yFW7n/?igshid=i8f5n3jua5au

Google drive link with mp4 for IGTV

SO ... these be the links that were given to me by Sony PR and when displayed at various platforms gave the enthusiasm that was written about in the previous .. yes .. appreciation came in waves upon waves .. known and unknown alike .. connected and unconnected .. all .. from and without too .. pro and anti .. those in support and those in non support .. they that cooperated , and they that distanced themselves from support and the coop .. we are all mere beings .. the universe fills itself with so many .. many of difference and different kind .. when the grains on each leaf .. when the microscopic elements .. of virus shape size and disposition exist in natures creation .. what are humans .. ?

Blessed be all .. they all contributed .. contributed in applause and in reject .. reject is most important .. gives fight a chance .. without it fight would be an imbecile .. unarmed, weak and without prepare .. unpreparedness is a curse .. prepare .. keep ready for use .. it comes in use , anytime without warning .. so eń gardè  .. or whatever the correct French is  .. French , yes the beauty of its rendition .. the sweetest in the world .. next valued be Bengali , the tongue .. the delicacy of its existence, its presence in the many wondrous elements .. 

BUT .. I stray .. 

Yes the completion of the ‘film’ was a task .. a gentle idea shared by Prasoon Pandey, Director of Ad., films and with whom I had worked several times .. with him and his elder Piyush Pandey, head of that Ad., conglomerate O&M .. and when it came across to me , the thought of its extension in the format seen finally gave incentive to bring in greater value to it .. so I thought, I worked , I reacted, I shared , I got approval and then went to each of those stratospheric stars and celebrities with the idea .. calling them several times .. connecting them all .. all over the World all over the places they lived .. and then their agree .. the designing of the Demo by Prasoon .. the passing it on to the respective and in explanation , each one , each location .. convincing them .. and then the wait for their portion to arrive and putting it together .. the creatives all being followed up by the team .. each little protocol to be put in place .. diplomatically .. politically .. egoistically .. to be CORRECT and accepted .. yes .. all .. all done in this wonder world of internet wires and the mobility of the hand phone .. the modern day invention par excellence .. oh , done and covered with suitable time difference delays .. some within the time zone some not .. some really really far away .. but their love and support impeccable .. 

That done the negotiate with what to be done with it .. in times of trial it does not bode well to be seen in frivolous acts .. so consider who we are , how we are , and what we are .. and who they that make us who we are .. the workers and their plight in this locked out premise .. without a daily earning , without their normal existence , without the essentials .. 

We must give back to them .. so .. worked on sponsors TV outlets , personal contribution and arrived successfully .. TV shall be Sony .. sponsor shall be Kalyan Jewellers .. and the distribution shall be pan India , pan workers of all the Industries of film in the nation .. NSEW .. and which is why NSEW in the representation of the artists .. Hindi, Marathi, Malayalam, Kannad, Tamil, Telugu, Bengali, Punjabi .. pan India in representation .. pan India in language .. pan India in the work force .. just a pan India film .. a film titled ‘FAMILY’ .. for we are one and we are one family .. this film Industry of the country .. !!

NOW .. then .. as the tech readiness readies itself .. the promotion .. 

Promotion promotion .. back to the net and the con calls with concerned and with the GANG GANG .. gang gang .. the title given by the girls in house .. Navya Naveli and Shweta .. who find it amusing our confabulations on these con calls, hence an amusing title .. its accepted .. SO .. yes promo .. the written from the obvious sources ‘reeks of garlic from every pore’  .. it stinks .. and then a suggestion ans endeavour to do it by the self .. done and agreed upon after con calls and net issues with the masters .. no disrespect .. but yaa , it not happening people .. ok .. so do it yourself , fine .. sitting and designing it in the mind and WHAM ! .. got it .. now to shoot it in these conditions .. so Abhishek come on assist me with the camera work .. out in the back yard .. a quick shoot .. and a quick forwarding in sense first to all the concerned and then approval of it to be given final tech touches .. done .. 

So then put it out .. time running ot .. get the tech right .. net mobile and every other communication in use .. and done and out on the required platforms ..

BUT .. within all this, setting up the personal shoot of the film continues with able help again from the children .. re takes and re shoots .. and delivered to the tech team .. they work .. the ideas continue to improve or adjust or remove .. some have come in time others delayed , time running out again the 9Pm slot has been advertised .. 

FINALLY .. on air .. 

BUT .. and there are so many buts .. other works continue .. domestic pre cautionary checks on sanitation and sanitising .. staff reduced , staff homed within, staff looked after in excess .. 

.. and also the monitoring of the personal feeding that continues in various parts of the city .. 2000 packets of food each day .. lunch and dinner .. for the poor and needy .. and the bigger 3000 bags of essentials delivered to take care of 3000 families provisions for a month .. average of 4 per family works to the reach of approx 14,000 .. 

Working then for the FAMILY out reach and devising methodology of the distribution to the mentioned workers .. the data access with the Head of the Employees Nation wide Association .. retailer sought and fixed .. gift coupons and cash to be given out to the approx 100,000 of them, with the sponsor and personal fund collected .. to last them for month .. 

THEN .. back to the desk .. there is urgent need from the Capital on a campaign design and completion within urgent needs .. lat night getting that done .. 

AND .. also in simultaneous work on the poem of hope from Babu ji .. rendering it here .. con calls with recordist there .. music directors in another there .. they be two in respective homes and no studio set ups .. but the ingenious working force and minds successful .. it is after 72 attempts that it looks like going on platforms .. perhaps to day .. perhaps .. apprehensive for that too .. how what where and when .. ahhhh .. just let it be say the girls in the house .. the main girl stuck away from home in Delhi .. attending Parliament when the shut happened .. so she remain where she is .. and Face Time WhatsApp .. ZINDABAD !!

OH dear forgot .. another request for the voice rendition on the conditions we are in .. at it till 4 am .. and now from 6  .. rendered in rough waiting approval .. damn the files have not gone through .. WeTransfer warns .. damnnn .. 

Ok shall try resize and getting the email ID correct .. .. ahhahahahhhgggrr ..

this post is sounding like a brain damaged ‘haemoglobin of the country of the system’ devoured and entirely consumed by the chemical ChSo2 .. sorry that be a College insensitive linguaexpletiva .. !!!! Pardoń .. is the French right .. eh .. who cares .. 

BUT .. I tell you .. in all this mesmerising work schedule .. the imagery of Babuji his words his thoughts his books his voice keep me company in excess .. they bring the water in the eyes .. 

I must leave now .. cannot allow it to drip on the post pages ..

Amitabh Bachchan

[sarah-blue-eyes]

2020 In Review

Hoo boy, here we go.

[Ok just before I begin. I had this queued to post in the first month of January but it doesn’t seem like that ever happened haha. Better late than never I suppose!]

So I am a nostalgic bitch, and since 2011, have loved to make memory boxes for each year, where I put trinkets and memories into a shoebox. This year I have continued that tradition, but I have also kept track of my happy memories throughout 2020 in my planner. This was done with the intention for me to upload a year-in-review sort of thing in hopes that maybe like, 3 people max on this god-forsaken site will read it. This sort of reminiscence was inspired by my friend @a-lbeit​, who has done these for a few years now and me, as a slut for nostalgia, was encouraged to do the same back in January (I think? What even is my memory at this point?)

2020, as it has been for many, was a very shit year, and I am no different. I would safely say that this year has undeniably been the worst I have lived through. But I am here. I am present. And I have made it through some of the darkest times to face 2021 with a new sense of hopefulness. Keeping track of my happier memories has been something that has truly got me through this clusterfuck of a year, so I am glad that I can finally go through them all again and share them with you.

Read it, or don’t, I don’t give a shit what you do with your time, but if you do, I hope that you aren’t bored to tears. And I hope to keep myself accountable to continue to do this for years to come.

Buckle up, grab a hot drink and a snack and get comfy, because this is a JOURNEY.

January:

· Kicked the new year off with hosting a 1920’s themed party with some of my closest friends at my family home at the beach. Had fun with drunk SingStar, playing What Do You Meme, creating a playlist with everyone’s top 3 songs of the decade (it was a bangin’ playlist I must say), and just overall drinking too much and having a riotous time

· I remember going to the beach New Year’s Day (as is tradition in Australia) and playing ultimate frisbee in the shallows and completing a crossword puzzle on the sand (I am a 75-year-old woman, it is just a fact of life)

· I also had my friend Kirsten from South Australia stay with me for the New Year’s period and it was lovely to have a guest over! I haven’t spoken to her much this year, she sort of fell off the face of the planet, but I hope she is doing ok.

· Went town to Torquay (a beach town in Victoria) for the 6th time for Beach Mission, which is essentially a holiday program for kids in preschool-year 9 where we run activities for them. It’s a Christian-based program but the aim isn’t to convert the kids or anything like that, it’s more to show God’s love to them through our actions and how we as Christians live our lives. It’s also a convenient way for parents to dish their kids off for a few hours too haha. This was my final year of being a part of this program, and I am so pleased to have made so many memories and (hopefully) impacted many children’s lives during my time there

· I remember going on a late-night beach walk with my boyfriend Josh, talking about what the year had in store for us. We were just sitting on the beach, as you do, and I saw a shooting star. I can’t remember what I wished for (if anything) but in that moment, life was a dream.

· The week after beach mission I started at my new internship! It was for a place called KidsCo, who run school holiday programs at workplaces, so parents don’t need to take time off work to look after them. I helped with client relations and a lot of behind-the scenes stuff. I really loved it there

· On the very first day of my internship I remember there was torrential rain, and the train home was delayed by like, an hour or so lol

· One of the best parts about interning at KidsCo was that they were the official child-minding service for the Australian Open. I make an effort to go each year, but I was lucky enough to get free ground-entry for me and a guest for the duration of the event. I went quite a few times and got to take my mum and Josh along as well.

· Saw my only concert of the year, The Veronicas, at the Australian Open. When I say the moment the violin riff at the start of Untouched absolutely went the fuck off is an understatement. Grade 5 me would have cried (and 23 year old me did a little bit too tbh.) Yet another of one of my “all-time-favourite-songs” that I’ve had the pleasure of hearing live. (I also went through the year feeling sad that this was the first time in 11 years I hadn’t gone to a concert, but this one certainly fell through the cracks)

· Started planning my trip to the UK to see my twin sister, and best friend, Jess

· Went away to Rye for the Australia Day weekend #changethedate. An excellent time with excellent mates, and went to the beach pretty much every day and got mindlessly sloshed every night

· Listened to the Triple J Hottest 100. I think 4 of my picks made it in, which was pretty good

· Continued my job as the office manager/events coordinator at my church

February:

Basketball started back after the summer break for my two different teams, The Vikings and The Wildcats (honestly such a highlight of this year with how the rest of it ended up going)

As a team-bonding activity at KidsCo we hired a boat for a few hours and I got more drunk that I had been for a while. It was a very fun time jetting down the Yarra, waving drunkedly at the people jogging by

For Valentine’s day Josh and I had an indoor picnic with our favourite food! The weather was shit for Feb, hence the indoor nature of the picnic

Saw Shrek the Musical with two of my closest pals, Bec and Katie (I honestly forgot that this happened in 2020 hahaha) but it was ICONIC

Had a Jackbox night with The Boys

Had my cousin Amy from England over for dinner! I hadn’t seen her in 5 or 6 years, so it was so lovely to connect again like no time had passed at all

Went to Healesville Sanctuary, a lovely conservation park which focuses on preserving and educating its visitors about Australian animals, with Amy

 Went to mini-golf for a friend’s birthday on the leap day. He technically celebrated his 6th birthday which was excellent

Saw Cody Ko and Noel Miller live with Bec and Katie

Finished working at the church office to make room for the potential job opportunity at KidsCo

March:

Ahhh March, you shitstorm of a month. This is where everything started going downhill.

The first thing of note that happened this month was me injuring my ankle at basketball, which had me out of action for a few weeks. It was especially bad because I was nearing the end of my internship and was hoping to do my best work so that I would be chosen to stay on as an employee, but had to take a week or so off to rest my ankle. My ankle would continue to be tender and sore for most of the rest of the year

Went away for the Labour Day long weekend with the family

Finished up my internship at KidsCo. Honestly was lead to believe that I would be staying on as an employee and felt sort of betrayed after all the work I did for them, but whatever

 Had a party at Bec’s house to listen to Triple J’s Hottest 100 of the Decade. One of my favourite songs was number 1 which was a pleasant surprise

Went down to the holiday house for a few days just to have so me time and sort myself out

Animal Crossing New Horizons came out haha. Honestly was one of the highlights of this year though. I stayed up until midnight so I could download it as soon as it was available because that’s the sort of person I am  

Mum’s birthday dinner with Dani, one of my best friends, and her girlfriend Amy

Went for a hike at Sugarloaf Reservoir with Josh and got spooked by a mob of kangaroos

April:

My mental health started really taking a downward spiral this month for multiple reasons which I won’t get into here, but this is more a note to my past self to say that it will all be ok I guess? Idk I just felt like this needed to be here

Did my ankle badly again on Good Friday

Watched the Overwatch League live with my friends and just memed in the livechat lmao

WARNING - this is a bit TMI but I am going to share anyway since it was a big part of this year, and if you are reading this you are either a stranger or a good friend so I really don’t care lmao: This month I also started to get bad pains in my uterus, like, not period pains but deep, stabbing pains. This continued on for the next few weeks without me doing anything about it, except for increasingly getting stressed about it, although I will talk a bit more about this later.

Josh and I celebrated our 6th year together which was ~wholesome~

Called my friend Ashley from the US and just caught up. It was nice to see her face again. She is a good egg. I haven’t talked to her since but I really hope she’s ok.

May:

Watched Star Wars with Josh and his family for “May the 4th”

Started a volunteer job at Kivuli, a non-for-prophet that is based in Kenya, and started helping out with their website and social media stuff

Zoom movie time with my friends, we watched How To Train Your Dragon I think? Athough everyone was talking over the movie so I didn’t really get anything out of it

Played Scattergories (one of my favourite games) with Bec and Jess on zoom and just wrote really stupid and funny answers and I remember this being just what I needed

Went for a long walk with mum and one of her friends and her daughter on a track we don’t usually go on, which was a nice change of scenery

Went down to the holiday house for the first time in forever since restrictions were eased, at least for a little while lol, with the fam

Went to Portsea for a walk along the beach with Bec and her husband Trevor

Did an online trivia night that night with a big bunch of friends

Had a doctor’s appointment to see what was goin’ on down there. Honestly freaked that it could be something REALLY bad. Got booked in to have an ultrasound the next week, so at least I’d be finding out what was wrong soon.

The day after I got my results was the 21st of May, the day my mum and I were meant to be flying out to the UK to see my sister and her boyfriend. It was already hard enough a month or so before when I had to cancel my flight, but this day was so SO difficult. I can’t remember the last time I cried so hard. I am so blessed to have a boyfriend like Josh though. He was by my side the whole day, and held me as I cried. Oh man I am crying as I write this now, it was such a hard time but I know I will see my sister again.

And then the day after THAT whole ordeal was my birthday, which was meant to be spent in London with Jess but it turned out to be the first birthday we’ve had apart. This day was also hard, but made better by being with loved ones and having dinner at my grandma and grandpa’s house. Grandma’s roast potatoes make everything better.

Went to Geelong to see the other side of my family, it was so good to see my nan again. I love her very much.

Went to the Briars with Bec and went on a lovely nature walk and saw a lot of little wallabies and even an emu

Had an ultrasound and my pain turned out to be a 10cm wide cyst!!! So fun!!!!! Thank the heavens it wasn’t a child. I was so relieved. It is still in my body so that’s cute tho.

June:

Applied for a bunch of jobs, and even got a few interviews! Still no job.

The absolute highlight of this month, and maybe even the whole year, was going away to Lake’s Entrance and Yarram with mum, dad and Josh. It was so good to go to the country, I love country towns so much and the wildlife and nature is so beautiful in the eastern part of Victoria. If you ever get the opportunity I recommend going there!

We ate so much nice food and just relaxed. It wasn’t a perfect replacement for not going to Europe, but it was something at least.

Did more work for Kivuli which kept me busy

Went to Bec’s house to bake a cake. She came out to me as bi this day too, and the cake was coloured like the bisexual flag!

Started a short course through the university I went to in Facebook for Business. It was a great way to build up my skills.

Played Animal Crossing with Dani’s little sister, Tami, a very wholesome time

Looked after Josh’s dog Jed while his family went away for the weekend (also went into the start of July) and was honestly the greatest time

July:

Halfway through the year. Thank fuck.

Had another job interview

Went on lots of walks

Was just generally cold

Did a lot of cleaning

Painted the downstairs rooms at church, which took a few days and a lot of back pain, but it’s cool to think that I was able to contribute my energy and time to something while I was not feeling good at all

The restrictions were tightened again, meaning that I couldn’t go further than 5kms away from my house, except to see Josh, so this was a really lonely time for me.

Really got into Masterchef with mum this season. They had all returning contestants from other seasons so that was really fun to watch.

Got and assembled a new couch upstairs that I can say I actually own myself. I absolutely love it.

More walks, despite the cold

This was a very uneventful month, but that’s ok!

August:

Had a call with the hospital I’ll be having my cyst surgery with. It was good to know that things would be started. I had to have a blood test and a second ultrasound then put on the waiting list for surgery. Still no sign on when that will be happening though 6 months later. Just so lucky to live in Australia where all of these appointments are free.

Went for a really nice long walk with Josh. Got shat on by a bird.

Did lots of stuff around the house, just tidying and watering the plants and sorting through my wardrobe to purge all the clothes I grew out of

Had an online Switch games night with some friends which was fun. We played Smash Bros. and Mario Kart and just had a great time!

Ok this sounds super lame but my favourite podcast, The Jenna & Julien Podcast, finished forever which came as a surprise and was just really sad. I really hope it comes back one day.

Did my tax return lmao

Baked rice puff/marshmallow bar things

Made an ASOS order to fill my happiness with material things. Did get some cute clothes and lingerie tho 😉

More games with Bec and Jess, we played Golf With Your Friends this time

Had a cocktail night with Josh, where we just made a bunch of fun cocktails and got drunk. I can’t wait to live with him so we can do this all the time.

Lots of Kivuli work, as we are planning for our 10th anniversary fundraising event

September:

Baked cookies, which was something I did a lot at the start of lockdown but sort of drifted away from. I absolutely love to bake.

Started working for Media-Wize, a small PR company that was started by someone I know at church.

Started playing Among Us at the start of the month

So many Among Us nights omg, just call me queen impostor please

Did my induction for Media-Wize

Got  n e r v o u s  because I kept getting things wrong in my new job. I always seem to fuck up the good things and opportunities that I get

Did a livestream reading of The Great Gatsby on my friend’s Twitch stream. It was really fun and something I had never done before. I voiced Tom Buchannan, which was interesting but cool to sort of get into the character. I hope to do something like this soon.

I burnt my hair while cooking dinner and had to give myself a haircut lmao. It was the first time since 2018 that I had cut it so it was a long time coming anyway.

So much Media-Wize work. It felt good to finally be getting paid to do a job

Got locked out of my bathroom so I had to climb up the laundry chute to unlock it from the inside, all because a fly outsmarted me (it’s a long story… and honestly best told by speaking it)

October:

Had the Kivuli 10th anniversary livestream. Lots of work went into it and it was so much fun! It’s incredible that a non-for-profit that has benefitted so many children and families is still going strong. Such a blessing to see.

Dad’s birthday, and we had a picnic with grandma and grandpa and saw them for the first time since lockdown was somewhat lifted

Walked to Beasley’s nursery with Josh and got a coffee. This was the first proper, not McCafe coffee I had had in months and it was SO good

Played Animal Crossing with Dani

More Among Us, a theme for the last few months of 2020

Watched the AFL Grand Final. Wasn’t super exciting this year tbh, especially since we couldn’t have a BBQ or party or anything, but hopefully next year will be different

Nearly moved out of home with a friend of a friend, but since I didn’t have a job, didn’t think it would be a wise decision. Would’ve been nice though

Did some more Media-Wize work. I haven’t been given anything to do since this time though, so I don’t know what’s going on with that? They really be ghosting me tho.

Applied for JobSeeker so I would at least be getting a little income

New Jackbox came out, and had a games night with The Boys playing all the new games

Voted in the local election

Went to Westerfold’s Park with Josh for a lovely long walk

Played lots of The Sims 4 (but tbh I have been doing this all year)

November:

This month things sort of started to turn around, as Covid wasn’t hitting my state hardly at all, so I was actually able to see family and friends again!

Went to my old primary school with Dani and played basketball and just shot around and talked. She also came over for dinner. It was so nice, and she is a true friend.

Had a picnic at the park at the top of the street with my dad’s side of the family, all together at last

Melbourne Cup Day, not that I really care but it’s nice to get a day off. Went on a day trip to the Dandenong mountain range. It was so, so nice and bought some lovely little things from local shops, went for a bushwalk and had a bakery lunch

Went to the park to throw the frisbee and kick the footy around with Josh and his friends, although they are my friends too tbh

Had a picnic with a group of friends that I hadn’t seen since January, so it was so, so good to catch up with them and have a delicious BBQ dinner

My favourite online comedy group, Aunty Donna’s Netflix series came out! Had a virtual watch party with a few friends and binge watched it all in one go

Had lunch with grandma. This used to be a weekly occurrence but for obvious reasons was put off for this year. I absolutely adore her and every lunch we spend together is so precious to me

Went to Kyneton with some of the family as another day trip

Christmas shopping time again. So weird to be at the shops and feel sort of normal? I went 4 different times in the span of a week and a half haha

Josh’s birthday! We went to this maze place with has a bunch of big mazes and other fun activities. It was such a perfect day. Then we had dinner with his family.

Got a letter from the IRS saying that I needed to provide them with proof of identity, so that was fun trying to sort that out. We love the outdated US tax system <3

Went to a bridal shower for my friend Katie

Went for another hike with Josh to the mountains

Drove down to Geelong for a friend’s wedding and stayed at my nan’s house

Had a pub dinner and Jackbox night while down in Geelong with The Boys

A good friend of mine was leaving to live in Japan for two years, so I went to her house one last time to say goodbye and chill in her pool and just hang out

God why is it so hard to get a job?

December:

Omg we have made it to December. It truly is a miracle with how this year went tbh. And if you have read this far, thank you but also, how little of a life do you have?

Went to my friend Katie’s wedding. Sort of surreal to go to a wedding during a pandemic but it was fun and I got to see a lot of friends I hadn’t seen in a while

Enjoyed the hot weather and went to the beach a number of times with a variety of friends

Went Christmas shopping, and just shopping in general since it was safe to and shops had finally opened again

Got a job at a talent agency where you get gigs as a paid extra in TV shows and movies, which was pretty cool! I even had a professional photoshoot to get headshots done, something that I had never done before. Glad that I could get some pictures to use on LinkedIn though haha. Still haven’t been cast in anything but here’s hoping.

Had dinner and drinks with Josh, Bec and Trev in the city for the first time since it reopened. God I love Melbourne so much. It is just so magical on balmy summer nights. This was such a special evening, and was so good just to be in the city again

Had a lovely day with Dani, starting with breakfast and then going on a hike before the weather got too hot. We went to Sherbrooke Forest, a place I hadn’t been before, and it was incredibly beautiful

Had a number of job interviews this month too, none of which got back to me which was annoying :/

Now it was heading into the time where every weekend is packed with Christmas do’s so I’ll just collate them in this point. Lots of drinks were consumed and many delicious roast dinners

Had our annual Christmas Carol’s service at church. It was a blessing to be back in the building for the first time since March, and to be able to do something I love (singing) with some of my best friends was the best

Christmas eve I went to my grandma and grandpa’s house (on dad’s side) to help them set up for Christmas lunch. Spending time together just the three of us is so special, and I am so glad I was able to come over and just chat and be in their loving presence. Then that night I went to our 11pm church service to bring in Christmas day. It was a great service and was great to see our kick-ass minister give a sermon face-to-face.

Ok here we go, Christmas was a doozy, let’s go. So Christmas lunch was, as I said, with my dad’s side of the family, which is always a great time. Cracking open crackers and fighting over who’ll get the bottle opener or nail clippers is always a highlight haha. But we had the fucking best roast potatoes I swear. I need to know what my grandma puts into them because I could genuinely eat 20 of them and still have space. Then the rest of the afternoon was spent in a food coma until I went to Josh’s house to spend dinner with his family. Another delicious meal and great banter was what I needed, although I can safely say that I put on at least 5 additional kilos after that day.

The next day the fam and I headed to Geelong to see my mum’s side of the family. Was a great drive down and I listened to all of The Avalanches new album which had just released. Easily the greatest album of the yeah hands-down. So we spent lunch there and absolutely stuffed ourselves with more food. Three Christmas meals really took a toll on me, but I am just blessed as it is to have a loving family and food on the table.

The next day dad, Josh and I headed to the beach to spend that weird time between Christmas and New Year’s. To get there we took the ferry that goes from Queenscliff to Portsea, which is always a fun time, since we don’t often go from one side of the bay to the other (if you don’t know the geography of Victoria I apologise lmao). Mum didn’t come with us as she had some symptoms of Covid, so went home to isolate and get tested. Thankfully she tested negative and she joined us the next day.

Once I got back home I had to prepare the house for my friend Jono who was visiting for new years from SA. Many last-minute chores and cleaning was done haha.

New Years Eve! Went to pick up Jono and my other friend Sarah from the airport and dropped Sarah off at her accommodation and ended up staying there with Jono for a while as this was where the New Year’s party was going to be. Although, in true Victorian fashion, our premier announced that there was going to be a limit of 15 visitors at any house from 5pm that night. Excellent. We love a last-minute change of plans. So we had lunch and spent the afternoon at my friend’s house before heading to a local park to chuck the frisbee and kick the footy around. We also had our second annual NYE trivia competition, which my team lost by 1 point!! Dang I get so competitive, but we will win next year, I can feel it. The new year came through uneventfully, we were in the middle of a game of Scattergories or something like that when someone changed the channel on the TV to see the Sydney fireworks across the screen and like, 4 second left of the countdown. I gave Josh a bog ol’ smooch and gave my friends a big hug. We had done it. 2020 was defeated.

Conclusion (damn this really be an essay tho)

This year was undeniably the hardest year I had ever been through. Going through unemployment for the majority of the year and having no sense of purpose hit me hard but I am entering 2021 with the hope and willingness to get on track with my career. And I think I will be successful. A lot of truly awful things happened around the world this year as well, with the devastating bushfires at the start of the year, the powerful BLM protests, Coronavirus absolutely destroying lives and many, many other global events but through it all, here we are. I hope you all keep well this year and that your 2021 is infinitely better than your 2020.

Song of the Year: Tangerine – Glass Animals

Album of the Year: We Will Always Love You – The Avalanches (I CANNOT stress this enough, but you absolutely must listen to this album!)

TV Show of the Year: The Mandalorian - Season 2

Movie of the Year: Bombshell (the only movie I saw at the cinemas so didn’t have much to go with)

Memory of the Year: Going away with my family and just enjoying time away with each other

Thank you for reading this, if you’ve made it this far, you’re a real one <3