#okay my final thoughts are this (for no reason idk why i even chose these beyond vibes)

[dani-ya-dig]

Ok now that I’m fully awake. It’s time try and organize my thoughts on that audio oh my god.

Also trigger warning for mentions of suicide under the cut

That’s actually the first thing I wanna talk about, and is the only gripe I have with the entire video. Why the fuck wasn’t mentions of suicide tagged in the description??

Like I understand the concept wasn’t dwelled on and Sam didn’t outright say “I’m gonna fucking kill myself” but he PRETTY EXPLICITLY talked about how he planned to commit suicide even if he didn’t say those words. idk “chosen morality” doesn’t seem like the right warning for that? I’m not gonna complain abt it like too much, I just was a little confused on why it wasn’t tagged.

But anyways onto my jumbled up thoughts about the actual audio! Because as a member of the Sam Collins fandom, I have thoughttsssssss!!

THIS AUDIO MADE ME SOB! I couldn’t sleep because of how sad I was over it. Sam and Darlin need to be happy just for fucking ONCE, god give them a BREAKKKKKK.

The idea of them just silently holding each other on their roof with the night sky above them, a few tears probably falling from both of them. IM DUHXSJDIJFDJFHFHJ

AND MOTHERFUCKER THE VIDEO ENDING ON “Brown. My eyes were brown” I FELL TO THE FLOOR SHUT THE FUCK UP!

On a happier note about that, I KNEW Sam’s eyes were brown. I feel like almost everyone did tbh. I’ll tell you what gave it away though, the gentle way he says “please” to Darlin in some of his audios. Automatically gave it away that he would have had the biggest brown puppy dog eyes you have ever seen in your life. I’m physically sick over it, it’s not even funny.

Now back to the thing I desperately don’t wanna think about. Sam telling Darlin that he wasn’t planning on living forever.

That’s where the dam broke for me, I started bawling. It totally makes sense, I get it and I can’t say that it’s not a choice that makes sense given that Sam never wanted to be a vampire in the first place.

Do y’all think that he was planning to watch the sunrise on his roof? Because that was my first thought and it hurt real bad. Sam finally getting to feel the sunlight after so many years of having been deprived of it, only to be ash when the sun was fully in the sky.

Also I know damn well he probably would have done it after Darlin died and that’s what hurts so bad. If Darlin chose to be a vampire I think he would happily spend however long their eternity would be by their side, but once they were gone he probably wouldn’t feel a reason to stay. Especially because if Darlin turned into a vampire the two of them probably would have completely pulled away from all mortals before that would happen.

On that note, I don’t think Darlin is gonna want to be turned. I never really thought they would, unless they were under very specific circumstances. Sam telling them to spend time in their wolf form and with their pack before deciding solidified that for me 100%. I don’t think they would be able to lose their wolf which we know is a pretty big part of shifters, talking from Milo’s audio where he breaks down worried he was never going to be able to shift again. I don’t think they would be okay with the idea of watching their friends, and their family all start to wither away and eventually die while they remain.

Now, do I think Darlin is going to want to be turned? No. Do I think the dynamic of Darlin choosing to remain mortal opens a lot of really good angst possibilities? Yes. Do I fully trust Erik to not turn them anyways? Not really no.

If I had to put a bet in for how it would happen if Darlin got turned, it would be by Quinn. Quinn would find out or catch wind of the fact that they chose not to be turned (if he didn’t already know they would chose that) and turn them anyways just to hurt them.

(I think Alexis turning them is an interesting idea to think about, from any angle but I highly doubt that’s gonna happen lmao)

All in all I genuinely think that was the only audio that has affected me that much (aside from maybe listening to the inversion for the first time??)

[alasijia]

KISS AND MAKE UP

ft. vil schoenheit

summary : in which you fight with him, and after days of avoiding each other like the plague, you make up at a party.

cw : vulgar language, slight ooc, fem reader. kind of highschool AU btw, bc its implied reader goes to the same school as the other characters 👍👍, slightly suggestive ending hm hm

wc : 2.4k (sorry guys.. hv fun reading ig 😁)

note : im so down bad for him PLEASE

masterlist

You were in Vil's room, watching him do his makeup as you scrolled away on your phone. He scrunches his nose as he sees your position on his bed from the mirror, almost shivering in disgust. "Do not lift your legs like that. You're a woman. Act like it." He reprimanded, resuming to put on his eyeshadow. You perked up at his voice, one that you hadn't heard since he started doing his makeup, which was almost an hour ago.

"Um... I don't see the problem... I mean, there's like, no one here except for you and me, and I'm wearing shorts anyway." You shrugged, but still put down your legs anyway, sitting up properly, leaning on your hand as you watched him do his makeup. "You look like you'd spread your legs for just about anybody if you do that. I'd rather not be seen with someone of such nature." He scoffed, puckering his lips gently, his lips colored a different shade of red than it naturally was.

You quirked an eyebrow, pondering his words. Was he calling you easy? (idk the english translation for murahan/sasimo sorry guys 😢) "Wow, thanks, I guess." You looked away from him, blinking, as you unlocked your phone. "What, are you hurt from such a simple statement as that? You do realize, I'm doing this for your own good, right?" He finally stood up from the chair he sat in, and walked over to you, tilting your chin up. "Come on now, you're going to get wrinkles if you keep furrowing your eyebrows like that." You look at him in bewilderment, but followed along him as he beckoned you to, walking out the door himself.

"You do understand the importance of today, don't you?" He started as you walked down the hallway of his home, posture straight as ever, as if he was walking a run way. "You're going to make your first social appearance, as my significant other. I need you to be on your best behavior – and looks." He continued, and it almost sounded like he was your mother for a moment. Of course you understood the importance. You were going to go out with him in public for the first time since a rumor appeared, which rooted from the two of you getting caught on a walk by a fan of his.

Vil was a celebrity, you knew that even before you started dating. You were prepared to face the challenges that would come with having a celebrity as your boyfriend. What you were not prepared for, were the words that spewed out of his lips.

You raised your brow at him again, and at this point, you were contemplating on being the next Dwayne Johnson. "If you cared so much for appearances, why didn't you go for a pretty girl instead?" You weren't even being fully serious, already knowing why he chose you. So why did you decide to voice out that thought of yours? Vil stopped in his tracks, and you nearly stepped on the train of his dress. You fumbled as you tried to regain your balance, hopping around like a fool. He huffed at your words, flicking a stray hair that adorned his face. "You're right. Maybe I should've chosen a proper lady." He let out a deep sigh, resuming his trudge down the halls

You felt your heart shatter. Okay, maybe that was an overexaggeration. But still, you could almost feel your heart stop. For some reason, you felt pain in your chest. Why? He was joking wasn't he? Either way, wasn't it your fault for starting the whole conversation in the first place? It was pointless, the conversation you were having with him. And yet, you still felt like you could jump off a bridge right at that moment.

Vil noticed your lack of response as he glanced down at you for the first time since you had left his room. "Don't tell me you took that to heart." He scoffed.

And that was the last straw. "Go on then." You said, almost pettily. It was his turn to quirk and eyebrow at you. "What?" He questioned, obviously lost. You crossed your arms. "Find a prettier, better girl than me." You answered, not even bothering to follow him, going the opposite direction. "What's up with you?" He didntt chase after you, no, he just stood there with his hands on his hips. You didn't bother sparing him a glance as you continued walking away from him.

-

You wondered if you went too far as you swung your glass lightly, the contents of it swirling beautifully. Your best friend sat next to you, watching as you acted so... gloomy. "I've never seen you more down than this. How much have you had to drink before I came?" Epel grimaced, watching you chug down your drink. "Mm... Not much." You answered sluggishly, resting your head against the cool marble of your kitchen counter. He cringed as your hair splayed around the said counter, flicking it away from his side. You turned your head to him, propping your head on your arms. "Did I go too far?" You mumbled, not really expecting an answer. "Nah. You put him in his place, as you should've." He shrugged, sipping his own drink, much more elegantly than you did, at least.

"Ugh... Epel. I'm going to spiral into insanity." You whined, your face burried in your hands. "You're being dramatic." He said, pouring himself another drink. "Anyway, he's the one in the wrong. He was the one who went too far." He continued, picking on his nails, the black nail polish peeling off. You pondered his words for a moment before you decided, you were going to make him want you back.

-

Your plan didn't go smoothly.

It was clear to everyone how you and Vil were both avoiding each other, no longer sitting together when the chance presented itself, no longer walking next to one another in between classes and such.

By this point, another rumor had started. Everyone had thought you and Vil had broken up, and it was really starting to feel like it. Or at least, you felt as if you were a stranger to him by that point. But you were stubborn, you refused to come to him first, not after Epel had enlightened you, and he wouldn't approach you first either, not after you made him have to tell his... 'friends', you couldn't come and make up excuses for you.

But everyday was turning more and more painful. More days pass by where you didn't wake up next to him, where you don't hear his pretty voice nagging at you or anything of the sort. It really felt as if the two of you weren't together anymore.

So when Kalim decided to host a party and invited you, who were you to decline? After all, it would be a good chance to take your mind off of him.

You huffed as you fixed put on your pearl earrings. Epel had told you he couldn't come with you because apparently Vil had got to him first. So that meant you were going to the party on your own. You made sure to double-check your appearance before heading out, the nervousness settling in. You never went to parties without either Vil or Epel by your side. But you toughed it out, reminding yourself that you were going to have fun and enjoy the freedom you didn't have when you were with Vil.

Right, you were going to get over this overwhelming sadness you had over the fight with Vil.

So why was it you spotted him in a corner with Rook, conversing with Kalim and a few other people?

Your heart stopped, and you felt anxious as you darted your eyes around the room, looking for anyone you knew. And thankfully, you did. You saw your best friend at the refreshments table, to your luck.

"Epel!" You called out through the booming music that was loudly played through the speakers. The said boy perked up, turning to look at you. "(y/n)! Thank god you're here. I'm so sick of Vil scolding me for every little mistake I do." He scoffed, rolling his eyes. Epel actually dressed well this time, his hair styled, and not a crease was spotted in his clothing. All thanks to Vil, you assumed. You snickered at his complaints, "Yeah, he's just like that."

The two of you continued conversing for quite a while, until you spotted some people on the dance floor going wild. You sent a knowing glance to Epel, a smirk on your face. Epel rolled his eyes playfully, before dragging you with him through the crowd, towards the dance floor, with a loud, untamed laugh. His laugh was contagious, as you joined in too, losing yourself in the music and dancing to your heart's content.

Unfortunately for you, a certain blonde with purple streaks spotted you. His face scrunched up as he sees you, comparable to a wild animal on the dance floor. Rook notices his displeasure, "Roi du Poison, is something tr–" "Rook, have you ever seen anything more displeasing to see than this?" Vil voiced, spite clear in his voice.

"This is why you're my best friend." You grinned, as you sipped your drink, regaining energy after how much you moved around. Epel could only laugh in return. "We should do this more often." You leaned your head back, when was the last time you felt so free? When you were with Vil, he would never allow you to do these kinds of things.

Your happiness is short lived as you felt a hand grab your shoulder, and from the look of terror in Epel's face, you could guess who it belonged to. You sighed lowly, turning to face him. "Oh, my queen. How may I serve you?" You asked, arms crossed as you look at him with displeasure. He gritted his teeth, and you find it rare to be seeing Vil be so upset, he's gotten rid of his calm and composed nature. Epel looks between the two of you before awkwardly walking away. "Right... I'll leave you guys to do uh.. Yeah no I'll just leave, good luck (y/n)!" He runs off like a mouse being chased by a cat, ignoring the silent plea in your eyes that's asking him to stay.

You looked back at Vil, who's still looking at you with disappointment. "Care to explain what the fuck you were doing out there?" He asked, his tone was surprisingly calm, contrasting to how he's looking at that moment. You shifted uncomfortably, breathing out a shaky sigh. You opened your mouth, wanting to apologize, but you stopped youself. You weren't going to give in.

"It's none of your business, princess. I'm having fun, something I couldn't do when I was with you. Why are you here anyway? Couldn't find yourself a pretty girl to replace me?" You sneered at him, eyes condescending. He looked appalled at your statement, eyes widening out of bewilderment. "Excuse me?" He managed to say. You huffed, "You heard me right."

Vil looked like he was about to pull his hair out, and it was a funny sight. "You..." He inhaled sharply, calming himself down. "Why would you tarnish your reputation like that, you... you fool!" He ignored your last statement, fumbling to come up with an insult that didn't include calling you a whore. You cocked an eyebrow at him. "No, what you mean is, why I'm tarnishing your reputation, isn't it?" You jabbed a finger to his chest, which he surprisingly didn't flinch at. Vil sighed deeply, dragging you out of the bustling party.

"Listen. I didn't mean what I said last time, okay? I was fully and completely joking." He started, tucking a strand of hair away from his face. "I chose you for a reason, and I wouldn't leave you just for a girl with good looks. I just want you to take better care for yourself, take care of your image." He managed to say, holding your shoulders to make sure you didn't walk off. He looked softer than he was before, and you questioned how he could switch up so fast. Either way, his words made your heart race, and you knew you were close to giving in. "You still said it. It hurt me. You hurt me, Vil." You said, looking away, you could feel tears forming at the corners of your eyes. Vil's face dropped as he gently cups your cheek, forcing you to look at him. "I'm sorry, I really am. Please, give me a second chance. I..." He breathed in, nose scrunching as he mentally prepared himself to say things he would never say if the situation was different. "I love you. Okay? I wouldn't trade you for the world. You're my significant other, the girl I chose, the girl who was always there for me. I love you, (y/n). So please, give me a chance to make things right with you." You've never seen him more desperate than he was now, and you felt your knees go weak, unable to look him in the eyes. Vil sighs, knowing how you are and lets go of your shoulders. "I'll give you time, just please consider–" He didn't have time to finish his words as you pulled him into a kiss. It was rough, but Vil didn't mind. He gently held your head, deepening the kiss. You could taste the cherry flavour of his lipstick as you gently nipped on his bottom lip, before pulling away from him.

"So, I take it you've forgiven me?" You scoffed with a smile when he asked that, holding his hand. "No, I kissed you because I hate you."

And the second you both went back in the party, some whispers could be heard, and it was clearly about how there was a red stain on his clothing, in contrast to the white of the button up he wore.

[mercyandme007]

I got my first cane- story/rant idk

I got a cane, i will give a back story about why I got a cane and how. So turned 17 on may 17 2024. I have mild dynamic chronic back pain and a small percent of the time it interferes with me walking. I have been wanting a cane for a while but was always to afraid to ask my mom. I finally got the courage to ask her in late april of 2024, it was a long discussion, but she agreed to buy me a cane. So I got my cane on my birthday. It is the brown scaled Switch Sticks cane from amazon. On the website it cost like $50 but in amazon it was $27.

okay so that is the background, now lets get into my first time using and alot about how it impacted me mentally. I 100% support young, dynamically disabled mobility aid users, as I am one. For months before I got a cane I mentally would hype myself up, if I were to get one and how it is a positive tool, not to be shamed. Then I went out in public with it, for the first time. All that time I spent in my mind thinking positive thoughts about mobility aids, they shattered. I dont know any other young mobility aid users, and so yeah. I guess i'm really just rambling at this point. Okay i'm going to get back on track. A large part of the fact that I felt like a fake or imposter is cause my mom bought it for me but she also thinks im wanting to use a cane for attention and my chronic back pain does not sometimes disable me. If she is not going to support me using a cane, i genuinely dont understand why she would buy it for me.

going off track again, just like how she let me buy service dog in training patches but i'm not allowed to take Mercy like anywhere. cause my mom does not see her as a service dog. And its hard because my service dog assists me but no she is not my lifeline, i can live without her. My life is not in danger if i dont have her. Because of this, my mom sees me just wanting to take my dog everywhere. SOOO FRUSTRATING. I cant wait to get a car, then my parents wont stop me from taking MY SERVICE DOG with me.

Anyway any other young mobility aid/service dog users out there whos parents dont support them. I feel really alone sometimes cause I dont know any other young service dog/mobility aid users in person.

so i guess this is just my personal rant, when i used my cane for the first time in public, i had a big time imposter syndrome. I was not having back pain that day. I chose to use my cane so I could get a feel for it, not because i was in pain that day. i ended up folding it and putting it in my bag cause I thought everyone was staring at me, i know they were not but still. I also was in downtown where I will sometimes see people from my old school or people I know. I was also afraid of that, so another reason i put my cane up and did not use it. I was not in pain on that exact day and was using it to get the hang of it. Another thing is I dont limp, nothing is wrong with my legs. I walk fine and felt like people were judging when i picked up my cane and hurried across the street cause a car was waiting for me.

i learned that its impossible to run while using a cane. Unless you pick it up. Speed Walking is also hard cause you have to coordinate your cane to make sure it is not dragging on the ground. I can already see that my ferrule is a tiny bit worn down from accidentally dragging it on the ground. Keep in mind i have only used it once. I did discover even though on the days i use it when i am not having back pain, it can help preserve my energy. I'm telling myself this is not a valid reason to use a cane on days where i do not have back pain, even though it absolutely is, and realistically i know that. Man i really did not think i would have such bad imposter syndrome or gaslight myself so much.

[tojikai]

Okay I finally finished all of your stories!

Permanent mark is officially my favorite:,)

Thoughts;

See at one point, i was like let y/n heal and have them get together afterwards but then i was like “damn he fucked rie for two months 💔😔😟” and idk but something about her’s and suguru’s relationship is so tragic to me, i so badly wanted them together somehowReader should’ve gotten with suguru! I wanted their endgame so badly 😭💕 Everyone feels bad for satoru but nope i mostly feel bad for y/n and suguru, I wish they would’ve gotten together first, I don’t hate y/n either her, I saw some people hating on her and while i disagree on her sleeping with satoru while he has a gf, i can’t find myself to dislike her, and she actually might be my favorite “y/n” of yours.

both sundered and permanent mark satoru’s are so confusing and make me sigh deeply

Questions I have regarding the story surprisingly 😅:

- What was satoru whole thought process during the breakup and cheating

- Did he still love y/n at that point

- What was his reasoning

- Did he think abt y/n while rie/regret or like want her?

- Why did he put her over y/n??

- Basically what’s up with the whole situation

- Did he ever love y/n over her? Why would he break up with y/n over her?

- Did he love or want her more? Regarding rie

- Did y/n not make him happy anymore, what happened?

- Was there problems in their rs?

Note:

Thank you in advance if you answer, i probably already said this but your stories were a delight to read<33

I can’t wait to read the future stories you might have in store for us if you do:3

its nice that some people try to understand pm!yn and her actions. I also think it's understandable that many are frustrated about what she did. most of the characters in pm are driven by strong emotions that they made bad decisions, i could say its the theme of the whole story. they can be very confusing since not everything's mentioned explicitly, which i deliberately did bc i like that readers have to absorb something in order of them to really understand it. im happy you enjoyed pm !! 1. tbh satoru's mind was a mess the whole time, he hated himself for cheating on yn. at one point he felt like the breakup was meant to happen so he could finally be w rie but w rie he felt like something's wrong, almost as if he's still considering yn in everything he does in his new rs. he reached a point where he doesn't know if it's really what he wants or if he's just doing it bc it's already there. hearing abt suguru and yn shook him into clarity lmao

2. he still loves yn even when he was w rie.

3. like reason for going w rie? he thought thats what he wanted. he felt like it would complete something he never got to finish, but being away from yn took a bigger part of him than he thought it would.

4. he's always thinking abt yn even when he was w rie. he thought its just bc he felt guilty for cheating. but it was more than that. while he felt right being w rie, it's just different w yn. nothing feels wrong w yn whilst w rie, there's always a feeling that he's not really into it.

5. bc he thought that it was the right thing to do since he became rie's bf. satory appreciated her a lot when she stood w him even when everyone's judging them. he felt like she risked everything just to be w him and so he wanted to put out something equal.

6. lmao idk how to answer this but yeah ik, it's messy.

7. nobody asked satoru directly but if someone did, he'd be admitting to himself that he loves yn more than rie even when he and the latter were in a rs. he broke up w yn bc 1.) he already cheated, 2.) he thought he wanted to be w rie. 3.) bc he didn't think things through.

8. he loved rie. just not the way he loves yn and not as much.

9. he's the happiest w yn. he didn't realize it immediately when he left bc his and rie's rs was still young and it was still honeymoon phase and cloud9. after that, he had questions and lingering thoughts and feelings that he chose to push aside until he snapped (hearing abt sugu and yn)

10. no, there are no problems in their rs. that's why yn crashed out.

that's all !! thank you so much for the kind words and support ~!! <33

[enden-agolor]

thoughts on PAMA. questsion marks

Okay funny thing is uh.. out of all the MCSM villains, I think PAMA is actually my favorite (I have a soft spot for robots/sentient computers but that's beside the point)

Episode 7 is my favorite episode in all of Season 1. From our heroes falling into the Crown Mesa, Lukas commenting on how cool it is to be in such a rare biome, and finally discovering this supposed ghost town. I love the dread the entire group feels up to actually meeting PAMA. We get to see Jesse and his friends outwardly expressing their worries about the place, after having been stuck in the portal network for who knows how long, encountering who knows what. They know they've got themselves into something crazy, but I feel like a sentient super computer was beyond any of their expectations.

PAMA's introduction is really great. I adore how expressive it is, and it even has a personality. The way it laughs, gets cocky, and even feels confusion and frustration. I always wondered at what point in time PAMA actually devloped the capability of showing some form of emotion, because part of me doubts Harper implemented that on purpose. Makes me wonder if PAMA gained it's personality through human quirks it learned before it became power hungry. But if that were the case, then I wonder why it would lack empathy? Maybe being stuck alone with Harper throughout it's early development did more harm to PAMA than Harper could have ever known.

Maybe this is one of the reasons PAMA's reason for chipping is not only to gather data and information from a persons mind, but to reach deeper than all that and see the many emotions that person has gone through, but instead of empathizing with them, PAMA finds humor, or a means of using those emotions for it's own growth. Because emotions are 'useful' afterall. For example, making Jesse freeze up while drawing Lukas' body closer to him and using Lukas' knowledge of Jesse's emotions against him. In a world where it has all these humans to use, I doubt PAMA would have found reason to need to develop it's own emotions any further than what it had then. I like to imagine it put up a firewall to suppress all growth in that aspect.

PAMA's fight is so cool too! I love the music, and the grave urgency that comes with it as Jesse's running around trying to drop the water buckets on PAMA's interior. Then the change in music once Lukas shows up, looking the most threatening he ever has, against his own will. I also love the atmosphere inside PAMA, how dark and red it is, obviously inspired by redstone. But it gives the interior of PAMA that more dreadful feeling, that this is infact, a living computer. And not a friendly one.

I love the dialogue shared between Jesse and PAMA too.

I can also appreciate PAMA for giving Lukas more character development. Choosing to save Petra down in Harper's lab I feel is the best option because by this point, we haven't seen much trauma bestowed upon Lukas. Petra had wither sickness/got stuck in the storm, so this is a good chance to get Lukas in on some character development. That, and the moment with Jesse at the end feels way more emotional and heartfelt between the two of them. I love the difference in the way Jesse holds Lukas' hand as he lay there, to the difference in the hug they share compared to if you chose Petra.

Anyways yeah idk robot cool

[ghostofwriting]

love of my life by harry styles is also a song that i think rafe would put out on the album.

"i dont know you half as well as all my friends [...] maybe you dont know whats lost til you find it."

idk at this point every sad harry song makes me think of #them .

okay me. There are a lot of songs that make me think of them but none of them come close to Place In Me by Luke Hemmings which is why I chose it and keep mentioning it in the tweets.

I'm using this ask as a place to dissect it because my brain will not stop thinking about the correlation between the song and Rafe x reader. I didn't even base this fic off the song but it fits so perfectly so I HAVE to talk about it.

Hold on I never meant you any harm Got no legs to stand on I was just dancin' in the dark

"dancing in the dark" was his mindset during that whole era, he was on drugs, and his mental health wasn't doing well at all. It's not an excuse but he's finally coming to terms with how much he hurt her but he has nothing to stand on because he shouldn't have done what he did to her, there's no excuse. He's telling her in song to hold on, to listen to the lyrics for insight on how he feels because he doesn't know how to tell her any other way.

Now with my eyes wide open It's heaven in your arms, mm

He sees it now, now that he's in a better place mentally and he's clean, he can see the harm he has caused and what he has lost. "Heaven in your arms" obviously knowing that she helped him so much and he was so safe to fall apart with her, realizing his feelings go way deeper than he thought they did but being stuck. And of course 'heaven' to tie it back to 'angel.'

Hold on I never meant to start a war I was just dead wrong I know we've been in this before

Again, not excusing him but, he didn't know what he was doing when he said those things to her. He had his reasons, which I will expand on in the fic. He didn't mean to start this friction between them for all those years and make his friends choose sides. He realizes that he was wrong but again, he's stuck. She won't look at him how she used to.

Now with my eyes wide open I tore you right apart, mm

Speaks for itself, he tore her apart, he ruined her and he knows that now that there's clarity.

Call me in the morning, yeah I'm sorry that I let you down, I I'm so apathetic, it's pathetic But I need you now, now

This is him knowing that he's in the wrong for needing her because of how much he's harmed her. Y/n said that she couldn't believe that the person she had known since she was 10, the boy that he was at 13 would have done to her what he did to her. And he knows that. He knows what she thinks.

Sun's gone But you always liked this time of day No words left to play on How many chances does it take? Now with my eyes wide open I'm nothing but a fake

This verse explains how tied he is to her, how his identity is very much based on how she sees him and how he doesn't think too highly of his self-worth if she sees him as a bad guy. "No words left to play on" The fact that she doesn't give him the time of day, there is nothing that he can do to fix it with her.

Don't you move Can't we just stay? Can we start over? Don't fade away

'Cause you'll always have a place in me

You'll always have a place in me

I think the rest of this is pretty on the nose. That's why it fits so perfectly. He doesn't want her to leave, he wants a chance to start over with her but he's dumb and has no idea how to tell her that and is going about it all wrong. As well as the fact that y/n doesn't want anything to do with him. Had this been anyone else, she would have left their life and never looked back. He knows that and he also knows that she only tolerates him for the band. In a way, he's lucky because without the band he would have never seen her again. He's very limited in what he can do to get her attention and ask for another chance. He also just doesn't think he deserves one. Selfishly though, he wants her to stay with him forever, even if it's at arm's length. even if that means she never talks to him again. Because she will always have a place in him.

Anyway thank you for reading to the end of this if you did. I love this song, I love Luke, and I love how well this goes with Rafe's pov.

[ultra-raging-ghost]

op the best thing your parents can do is get the divorce bless, im sorry about the fighting :( i get you it's the WORST but at least you got to play a cool game🔥🔥 now cmon spill some batjokes go go go

this is the FUNNIEST ask to get without context and i feel like im finally living up to the expectations of an ao3 author, also ty anon i was just super fucking stressed, i got an hour of sleep sunday night/monday morning and then when i was at my friends place i crashed really hard and slept for 14 hours straight and it really helped but anyway okay BATJOKES

okay so i played both seasons i dont have a pc myself but my friend does and they have both seasons and brooooo..... i played the vigilante joker route and i loved it

i sacrificed the FUCK out of catwoman im ngl.... my friend was so surprised but dude i was SO DOWN BAD FOR JOHN!!!!!! IDGAF !!! i was so down bad for john the whole time dude and at the end it was like "oh you were manipulating him into thinking you liked him to get info" NO!!!! I WANTED TO FUCK HIM!!!!!!!

when harley debuted i chose the option of asking john if he was in love with me AND HIS ASS SAID NO BUT ISTG HE WAS IN DENIAL!!! PURELY BECAUSE HE BELIEVED HARLEY TO BE HIS SOULMATE, SHE HIT HIM SHE DOESNT DESERVE HIM LIKE I DO !!!!!

like at some point with catwoman i chose something like against her for john and i was in the MINORITY like it was a 95%/5% Ratio and i was in the 5% and i do NOT regret that shit ‼

otherwise aside from my mental illness about batjokes i had a lot of unpopular opinions according to the peanut gallery (my irl who was watching me play it) like im ngl i gave up batman to keep alfred like HES OUR DAD???? THATS OUR DAD RIGHT THERE AND HIS POINTS WERE VALID, IMMA LISTEN TO HIM HES SMART IDK.....

Otherwise dude... i felt SO bad for harvey (2face)!!!!!! aside from his main storyline (i was very merciful and understanding with him, actually i saved him over catwoman in that one scene so his face didnt get fucked up just his arm in the fire) i read his file on the gotham news reports and dude..... like everything surrounding him is just SO SAD

Also i cannot say this enough tbh i side with mr. freeze every time.... i may be a sucker for romance but that man was trying his hardest to save his wife and from what ive seen he does that in every iteration of batman, like he becomes a villain and gets into illegal shit because his wifes sick and idk man..... like even if he is a villain i really empathize with him??? in the playthrough i offered to keep his wife safe and alive and i took mercy on him when he got infected with the virus and i froze him, like i have confidence in him idk.... i know he probably died bc it turned out the reason the riddler survived was because of the cure that also made him go insane but like my fingers are CROSSED!!!!!

also will say the only thing id change was i was kinda iffy about taking that selfie with john at the funeral, like i didnt do it but idk..... afterwards i thought abt taking that back like dude i NEVER WRONGED that man!!!!!! he was my POOKIE!!!!!! and i lowkey feel like him going crazy in the vigilante route was pushed for by the writers bc it felt a lil.... idk..... like forced but i get it its part of the story line......./silly

my friend played the villain!joker route and from what ive heard its EVEN GAYER and they let me watch them play the last 15 minutes of the villain route so i could see how differently they handled selina and that doll scene was kinda.... idkkkk 👀 like heyyyyy/f

i also heard theres a line from harley in the villain joker route about how he could never get over me and how john always liked me better than her which was SO satisfying because i made batman so jealous over her and john hanging out like im ngl i was so up harleys ass in s2

OH OH other thing id change, i wouldnt sip from harleys slushie, i didnt understand why she was offering it to me but now that i know i wouldnt take it ngl, making john jealous was not worth that slushie !!!!!

uhhh thats all, ty anon :D

[slutsofren]

oooh i’m not sure if this has been asked yet but directors cut on why you chose hebrew as the language for the book? and how will that tie in to the story, did the humans in reader’s world once come in contact with ancient fae of some sort?

AH THIS IS SUCH A GREAT QUESTION and one that has a very intricate answer so please just stick with me on this, just-

hold on let me get my whiteboard out!!

okay SO-

when i initially read acotar i read amren and her WHOLE VIBE as being an angel. like full stop, "be not afraid" biblically accurate angel. beautiful and terrifying and to be revered. i am what i jokingly refer to as a "recovering catholic" and went to catholic school. i was aggressively indoctrinated to our catholic church so when i read amren speaking of twin cities that burned i single-mindedly only read it as Sodom and Gomorrah* which further solidified my theory. is it true? idk. is it how sjm wanted her to be read? idk. it's just how i personally read her character.

* = as for Sodom and Gomorrah, for those who are unfamiliar with it- a very very very simple way to understand the verse was that they were twin cities that were punished by god for their sins and god destroyed them from existence for their apparent wickedness against his plans for humanity and nature. there's a lot of external context im leaving out but intrinsically that is the gist.

now i haven't read crescent city and i read throne of glass YEARS ago once so my memories of the series is fuzzy but i've heard that CC does go a bit deeper into abrahamic religious imagery throughout the two books. [spoilers for CC] with that being said i know of the crossing over sjm is aiming for with the tie-ins at the end of CC2 and i did read that snippet so after that came out it really did kind of help push this specific idea that i had of world jumping souls and whatnot.

so with me reading amren as an angel who was trapped into a fae body i felt that the book of breathings had to be hebrew. it felt right for my interpretation of amren and for her and reader to have that thread of connection of being from the same world, only thousands of years apart. i felt that if reader was at least culturally knowledgeable enough to recognize the stylized lettering of hebrew and recognize it enough to know it was a Semitic language, amren would 100% throw her entire being into readers corner. she trusts reader enough to know she is telling the truth but i see amren as being just that much self-serving that she was never going to justify doing whatever reader asked of her without question, but seeing the book, seeing reader recognize the language that (from amren's perspective) only amren knew, she saw you the reader for the first time and finally thought- this is it, this is where i am going to get answers.

as for the bigger picture, reader was not the first world-jumper ever. in fact reader is only a number of a multitude and suriel has alluded to knowing about the situation prior. the only difference is that this is the first time that a world jumper has came with the knowledge and foresight of reading acotar (lol 🤪) and was prepared enough to survive the specific narrative that was before them as feyre. almost like a how-to guide of what not to do right? lol. i have future chapters outlined enough that i know how i want to tell this story and where i want to deviate away from sjms storytelling and insert a narrative that includes world-jumpers who are not inherently good or even morally-grey. that there are world-jumpers who want to see the world bow down to their whims and destroy.

but now im just getting spoilery lmfao

as for humans from OUR world going to prythian, like i mention, reader was not the first to body swap with some one for whatever reason. historically in the high lady of cunning, i would like to imagine that it has been happening for generations and those who have tried to explain their situation have either been silenced one way or another or, more likely, decided to keep silent and try to survive. but even if all of those were potential possibilities, how many of those world-jumpers were fae? or even something stronger, far more ancient like a minor god of this world? along the line i believe a few fae from one court or another gathered together in secret and created the book of breathings as a failsafe, in a language only they could understand and read.

whether or not any of what i mentioned above actually make it into the fic is to be seen because like i said, i have a very solid outline for the future of the high lady. regardless, i hope i answered your question and gave you insight to where my mind is!! i love this funny lil horny fic and i will ALWAYS want to talk about it and behind the scenes stuff so if ya got any more deep dive questions, just shoot 'em in the inbox!!

thank you so so sooo much for your ask!! 🤲🤍🌹

sending you love anon muah!!

[anixknowsnothin]

OKAY SO HI

Just to make clear i did enjoy the pjo show overall and i do like some of the changes they made and sally i do like and i like some of the changes they made with her but if im honest i struggled with the way sally was depicted(not the actress, i thought the acting was great) in terms of her being the parent of a neurodivergent kid,

because while i know it must be tough being in that position and that not parent is going to be calm and patient all the time and that sometimes you will get frustrated(and i do know from first hand experience because i was that kid growing up and my mother did not cope too well)

but i feel like the show kind of focused on sally's struggles of raising a neurodivergent kid instead of the struggles of being a neurodivergent kid

(i know we got the being kicked out of schools and the first episode was doing fairly well in my opinion but then the episodes after that there was barely anything?? Because barely anything was focused on in terms of neurodivergence after that first episode apart from the flash back scenes on how percy kept getting kicked out of school but nothing actually on percys(and the other demigods) adhd and dyslexia, nothing was mentioned on it which is insane considering the core theme is disablity and the fact that we got very little on it apart from the fact that he daydreams and gets distracted during capture the flag and those are not the only struggles and the show just decided to not show any of the other ones which we had examples of in the fucking books and just seemed to drop it the rest of the series)

And i get that they wanted to show that sally has flaws and isnt this perfect human that we see through percys eyes

but like i really dont think that was the way to do it because there were other things that they could have focused on for sallys flaws like her selfishness at keeping percy with her(i know they do say in the show but its pretty brief)

but instead they chose on how having a neurodivergent kid is really hard for sally and her getting angry at percy mutiple times is okay because he was being "difficult"

and that car scene in peticular i get having sally react like that would show that she too gets angry and frustrated

but that was not the only time she was reacting in this angry way and having that anger derected at percy

and it contridicts the books so hard because theres literally a line that says "i never saw her raisie her voice not even once" or something so i dont think book sally would have handled it like that

and that probably sounds like im mad that the show is even a little different from the book but im not i liked some of the changes and i agree that you cant have everything from the books be completely the same and that its not realistic to ask for that

but in the books sally was understanding and accepting toward percys neurodivergence

and show sally does not understand percys neurodivergence and no im not saying show sally doesnt try but she does not understand percys neurodivergence

Finally i just wanna say having sally show all those different emotions and show that she is human is cool and i liked that and i know that parents arent perfect

its just that i guess i just feel like they've turned her into an autism speaks mom or something idk

Sorry im not sure if this makes sense and im sorry for slandering sally(i know you like her) i just have feelings about this and yeah

Your opinions are valid and I completely understand how much you wanted book Sally to come to life. I actually wished they focus slightly more on the dyslexic part specifically, because I know it's a struggle for so many kids around the world. The reason why PJO was written was for Rick's son, Haley. I love that they focused on the parents' emotions and feelings through Sally and they are allowed to be frustrated at times, but I wish there were scenes where Sally were projected in a more understanding way because she is one of the very few mortal parents who was actually there for her child and understood him in the books. (do i make sense??) (I mean we do have four more seasons so let's see) Honestly I was slightly shocked during the car scene because it was a new side of Sally that was presented to us, which I feel like is important because it helps us reflect on her character. I'm guessing that is the aim of the show: to see other perspectives and not just Percy's. But this also caused them to stray away from one of the most important part: showing percy's neurodivergence. I feel like later, in the scene with Poseidon, Sally's reaction becomes more justified as this shows she doesn't want Percy to go when he thinks she's getting rid of him and it's so overwhelming for her too because she is a worried mom. Her son, who she raised and tried to protect all her life, has to go. But I wish they stuck to the book when Rick wrote "When she looks at me, it’s like she’s seeing all the good things about me, none of the bad. I’ve never heard her raise her voice or say an unkind word to anyone, not even me or Gabe." On a lighter note, one thing I like about the show is that they show how important Percy's upbringing is and how Sally raised him well. Sally actually let Percy question the gods and introduce new perspectives, for example with Medusa. And the scene with Poseidon, she shows her anger at his 'family' yet later it is revealed she taught percy ancient greek. She prepared him for this scary demigod world yet also didn't let him forget who he is first. He is Sally Jackson's son before anything else. And Virginia Kull did did an absolutely fantastic job playing Sally, we couldn't have asked for a better one.

[silentsockfeet]

tlou hbo s1 ep9 thoughts (w spoilers)

really did love the scene we got with anna i’m just upset that we didn’t get more!! it’s so symbolic to have ashley play ellie’s mother and that moment felt cheapened by the fact that we still know so little about her. why not get to know her, watch her life and how the outbreak impacted her, see more of her relationship w marlene so that when the moment comes where she has to die we know just how much that hurts! there is so much more they could’ve done and i’m mad that they chose to rush through it

okay i’ll stop the rant and talk about what i liked about it now. really loved how much of that classic ellie attitude shines through in anna’s lines, the spunk was inherited i guess. and i really love that you can tell just how much love ashley poured into anna and therefore anna pours into ellie, she is so careful with her and insistent with marlene about taking care of her. ellie was so so loved from the beginning and it is so evident in everything anna does

especially loved how insistent anna was about telling marlene she cut cord before she was bit. it was a flat out lie but she was so intense about it that i almost believed her for a sec despite having just watched the scene. she is so strongly protective of ellie

joel’s goofy dad side really came out this episode every little moment is just him trying to get a smile out of ellie. the line with the dynamite really cracked me up he’s tryin so hard

watching ellie drop the ladder i was sitting there screaming at joel like GET OUT THE WAY ur about to get conked by a ladder!!! lol

giraffe scene my beloved ❤️ that’s all i just love it

“i’ll follow you anywhere you go” thanks i’m but a broken shell of a human!! and when we get dina’s ‘you go i go’ parallel next season i may actually pass away

joel’s admission about trying to kill himself,, it surprised me at first but hoo boy that hit. i like that it almost felt as if he HAD to tell ellie, like it clawed it’s way out of him. it’s his time to finally admit out loud how much losing sarah hurt, but also how much ellie means to him. and seeing them letting themselves be so vulnerable with each other made my heart ache

we got the apocalypse joke so actually this is the best show ever it did nothing wrong

UGH joel storming the hospital while a deep slow orchestral version of the theme plays fUCK ME UPPP gustavo always delivers

laura bailey as one of the nurses 👀 i’m wondering if they’re gonna have her play a bigger character in s2 and give her some connection to abby

i am a bit sad that they didn’t have the whole chase sequence with joel carrying ellie out of the hospital. i get that it probably works better in the game but idk i think they could’ve gotten it to work. that scene is just so loaded bc it’s like you have her and you’re almost there and the tension and fear is so high that when you escape all you feel is relief and happiness that you saved ellie. would’ve liked to have seen that translated into the show

the extra little bits of joel’s lie were fun, especially when ellie asks if marlene was okay. i almost feel like in the game ellie could sort of write off the lie easier bc it was a generalized thing? but since joel adds the extra details here and specifically sort of half lies about marlene for some reason to me it feels even more painful. idk did a bad job of explaining that but yeah i really liked the additions

i know i’ve complained about how they’ve been using pt2’s score for this first season so much but playing ‘unbroken’ after joel lies to ellie is like smart but also so mean. like i’m already dead on the ground you didn’t have to drive the knife deeper

“i’m not saying that you’re not girly-“ “i’m not” i fuckin love ellie so much. gonna get serious for a sec but ellie being super masc is one of the reasons i fell in love with her when i first played the game bc i felt so seen by it and idk just hearing it addressed so directly just made me happy

also loved the fact that joel basically called ellie short. bella said short king rights ig

also also i just loved that whole sequence in general, joel just wants to make sure that ellie knows that she’s not some replacement or that joel doesn’t view her as sarah but as her own person and he’s a dork about it but it was so heartfelt

okay so. i’m not happy that they confirmed ellie kills riley tbh. i was never a fan of that idea in general bc it didn’t feel right to me. and even despite my own personal opinions about how i think ellie leaves riley i think there’s something to be said about having ambiguity around it. leaving it open let’s people form their own thoughts and feelings about it, it engages them and makes the story feel more personal, so confirming what actually happens just feels cheap to me.

the other thing is too, i knew they were gonna confirm it as soon as marlene kills anna bc they were setting it up to be such an explicit parallel. they could’ve still left riley’s fate open ended in that final convo and people would’ve come to the same conclusion bc of the setup beforehand, but at least this time there’s like active engagement and analysis happening with the audience. i just don’t think there was a need to actually have it explicitly confirmed. idk i just did not like it at all.

overall tho i’m glad the ending stuck so close to the original. i liked the changes they made to joel’s dialogue in the final scene, it was like a little surprise

so anyways kinda can’t believe this show is real tbh like wow they really took my favorite game and turned it into a show. and obviously i have some complaints about it but overall it was still super good?? this is a thing that happened??? wack. it’s gonna take a bit for it to sink in that it’s over for now. i’m excited for season 2 tho, bella ramsey is a goddamn power house and they’re gonna fuckin crush part 2’s story

[erintoknow]

Hello !

I'm sorry if you arleady answered this (I don't know how to use tumblr frankly), but I would like to know if you have any ither writting project ? I really like your stories and how you write, and since I spend too much time on fallen hero: retribution (the reason I'm back on tumblr tbh) I started my annual reading of the Aria-serie (btw I was the anon who asked if she could "print your story for personnal use" and I only realised later than it sound more "kinky" than "I-won't-print-them-to-sell-them-or-idk-do-so-capitalist-stuff-with-it"

hello reading friend, I remember you! c:

it never once occurred to interpret what you said in a sexual way, don't worry haha.

i do have another writing project now but it's unfortunately not one available for reading at the moment though i do post about it on my tumblr here from time to time.

towards the end of working on the Aria fanfic series I was getting really itchy to get back to working on something wholly my own and with my life getting busier, that's why i decided to give that series the little capstone it currently has and start exploring other ideas.

i toyed around with a couple different ideas and writing sketches before settling on that were a couple of character archetypes from the fanfic and plotbeats that i didn't feel 'done' with yet and wanted to explore more on my terms. so i started working on something in june and now like, uh, 8 months later i'm 47k words into my second draft of a novel project i'm currently calling Soul Rebel (i used that for a fanfic title first i know, but it's a good title okay, it stuck with me).

whenever i post about it on tumblr, that's i've been tagging it as too. sometimes i post draft snippets or thoughts or dump a bunch of vibes screenshots, i've got a concept playlist that i keep meaning to finalize and post at some point too because of course it's not my writing if i don't have music associations going on.

i don't have a good succinct elevator pitch for Soul Rebel's concept yet, but basically the core thrust for it comes from a pretty personal pondering of mine which is: when i first came out, i had a choice. i could have a roof over my head, or i could be true to myself. i chose to have a roof over my head, and i always wondered about how things would have worked out the other way. beyond that i've been throwing pretty much a whole bunch of stuff that interests or terrifies me: the effects of climate change and sea level rise on daily life, the totality of the surveillance state, how the advancement in medical care in a capitalist society only widens the gap between the poor and rich, cool superhuman powers (and their not-so-cool side-effects), queer community, being a neurodivergent little weirdo(affectionate), and the essential value of being kind to others in a cruel uncaring world

i could happily keep infodumping about what i've got so far, but this posting is getting long enough that i'll leave it there for now, haha.

i have no idea what i'll do with this novel once it's finished. i mean, obviously i have some vague ideas for another plot line after it that i want to explore, but i mean like, it terms of putting it out there. i can't imagine ever getting to publish it. the publishing industry is a nightmare to navigate, and while this technically won't be my first finished novel (those fanfics get that honor, i guess?) it's still statistically unlikely to go anywhere. would any printing press out there even be interested in a sci-fi novel with a bunch of queer characters and focused on a neurodivergent trans woman and an in-denial Ace enby?? i've been stuck reading a bunch of YA for my job so maybe there's some book i'm missing, but we seem pretty thin on the ground in publishing rep.

my other thought would be to set up a website and post it online serial fiction style, though i'd want to have the whole thing finished first. i value my ability to revise and rework way too much to give that up again, haha!

so... yeah, that's what i've been fixated and working on a lot in my free time. at least, when i'm not spending time with my partner, playing dnd, or reading. and now i have a second job which means even less writing time, tears.

some day i want to go back and give the fanfic a proper conclusion arc, but right now Soul Rebel's got my creative energy fixation

oh geeze, i went on for way too long, sorry about that! it's uh, it's pretty easy to get me talking about this at a drop of a hat rn. anyway, thank you so much for liking the fanfic!!

it means the world to me that people actually like what i write. i went to college for creative writing and it kind of sucked really. i ended up switching to poetry for awhile because a least people weren't tearing me down for it. anyway, it's been incredibly weird in a good way to get, and to continue getting two years on, positive comments on the fanfiction. i never imagined anyone would care or even like what i put out there. i just wrote it solely for myself and threw it on ao3 in a 'eh why not' gesture, so...... thank you!!!!!!!!!

[magpierrecanarie]

Found the design sheet! Only took me a while to sort through the mess that's my "my stuff 2" folder. I don't even know why I named it that since this laptop is literally my own.

TL;DR: I talk about my Vocaloid Oliver design, show some progress pics and talk more regarding his overall concept.

↓↓ Click here if you'd like to know more! ↓↓

So... if you've been following me for a bit, you'll probably realize that I've changed from posting everyday to posting every other day. Well, about that, it's because I realized that I'll actually run out of artworks at this rate since I'm relatively slow in making art in general.

Which brings me to today's topic! I'd like to talk about some of the process I go through whenever I design a character, or in this case: Oliver.

Like, I don't know if you've noticed but I'm not exactly good at art, sometimes I reuse poses and it ticks me off, othertimes I literally reuse identical character distinctions and it takes me a while before realizing. However, I do always try my best to not have overlapping character designs so that every one of them is unique in their own way. My personal favourite trick is to add something that's awfully big and obvious that makes them look clearly different, even when they're completely shaded over with black (Oliver's tail).

First things first, I try to come up with a doodle with some sort of concept in mind. There were actually a couple more pre-concept art doodles that I made a good 4-5 years ago that isn't included in this post, I'm considering posting it (+ another one I drew up a year ago) in a separate post since it's getting a bit late and I don't feel like digging it up.

Since I'm playing around with an Oliver from a universe where the Vocaloids are an alternate version of their original VPs (more clarification in the previous Oliver fanart), + I mentioned that his specific side-effect was borderlining on life-threatening (also in the previous Oliver post), I decided to draw him as half human, half Nessie the Loch Ness Monster.

There were quite a number of reasons why I chose her compared to other monsters: 1) I've always had the headcannon that the PowerFX Vocaloids were like a big family, not necessarily blood-related but they're spiritually bounded to each other. Since I personally believe that Sweet Ann and Big Al are Oliver's new adoptive parents, I think it'll be nice for him to also be a monster in some way. (+ the amount of Oliver is a monster/half-monster headcannons in the fandom is uhh, hoo boy) 2) Oliver has always reminded me of a sailor. I don't know why and I'm pretty sure his entire costume is based off of a pre-existing choir's outfit, so there's literally no reason for it to have ties to the sea. Maybe it's the colour palette? Or maybe a Vocaloid fanfiction I read a long time ago that I've forgotten since then? Idk, but either way I really like the thought that he came from either a family of sailors or a family that lived close to the sea. 3) Okay, if you know anything about the Loch Ness Monster myth, you'd know that its origin is from Scotland and not you know, Britain, where Oliver's supposedly from. And to that I say, my argument as a South-east Asian is that it's CLOSE ENOUGH... Plus, I don't think there's other Sea Monster myths that are as easily recognizable as Nessie, who ironically enough doesn't even live in the sea, rather, she lives in a fucking lake. But still, the other couple of Sea Monsters/Sea Creatures myths that I think are decently popular are probably the Kraken or the Mermaids + Sirens. The Kraken is eliminated from the selection since this isn't supposed to be the Horror genre LOL, and the Mermaids + Sirens are a bit too far regionally, plus they're a bit basic (sorry to all my Mermaids + Sirens lovers out there) imo.

There are some ugly AF doodles here but it's what you go through when you're me, sadly.

Also, if you noticed but here I finalized the design you saw in the previous Oliver fanart where he was wearing a merge of these two testing designs of his cloak:

The former was partially inspired by the Scottish Kilt Sash, though it's not very obvious since Oli's not Scottish so I just took inspo from the way it's usually framed on one's body. The latter however was inspired by manta rays, they look STUPID as hell and I love them, so as a compromise, I merged the two cloaks together and that's what became of the current one! B)

It's actually getting a bit too long for my laptop to handle so I'll leave it here for now.💀💀

See you on Friday! B) Might be posting an original artwork then so you can look forward to it!

[menalez]

wait wwhat i dont have any real ones bc lesbanse but what about fake male celeb crushes Like. Random men you chose to pretend to think of as hot for seeming straight purposds 😭😭

I think i chose:

francisco lachowski (i find him so hideous with his beard.... and I remember being grossed oht when i went to look at shirtless pictures of him as part of the act. Literally liks "yess... im suuuch a man liking girl. Not at all a lesbian..EW YCUCK! put your SHIRT bback on!!!" Im actually so confused thinking back to it. Why did i do these things)

I forgot my reason for picking him but it mightv been from searching "most attractive man. male models."

Dylan o brien because Cindy Kimberly was obsessed with him and i was obsessed with her for a short period of time (not even as much as a crush though shes very beautiful but bc i wanted to look like her because... face dysmorphia) i always thought dylan was so hilariously stupid looking but i was liek "heyy we should watch teen wolf for the totaly sexyyy dylan o brien.. 😏" to my best friend at the time

Ezra miller (I KNOW) because my friend was obsessed with ezra miller, i made my phone background him while finding him so ugly, because my friend was like hes sooo cute lets watch every movie of his. This was before the... all of it. But still deranged 😭😭 id watch edits of him from the movie where hes a school shooter and just look like 😶 🤨 while the comments are saying how hot he is!!

And finally like 3 yrs ago, "Wilbur Soot" the mcyt guy.... yeah. Guess why? Bcc a friend was obsessed wwith him 😭😭😭😭

Consistently being a little liar, woohoo🎉

okay so like. i can see why women might find him attractive. i feel completely neutral about his appearance which i guess is a good sign? i dont know… but he looks symmetrical so good for him. also when googling him a shirtless pic popped up and i had the same reaction as u 😭truly idk what the appeal is when it comes to men’s bodies. theyre lacking boobies which looks wrong and shaped weird…

absolutely horrendous. basically all his featured combined together are wrong. he reminds me of a monkey a little idk why.

i had to google “ezra miller hot” just to find a semi-decent picture of him… and still what came up was meh at best. he looks like a semi-decent looking eastern european-ish man. his nose looks wrong and his eyes are very far apart but i imagine women with his exact features would be beautiful. also his jaw is like that one guy on tiktok

and the last guy…

hes okay… i guess… but i saw pics of him not smiling and he looks very ugly in them. he looks alright when hes smiling. i hate his vibe tho…. hes suspicious

[brattyfrenchvampire]

It's been 1 month and surprisingly harder than I thought to not drink. We've gone months and even over a year before without trying. I think it's that finality that is difficult. It was easy when I had a choice and just said no. Where saying "I can't" or "I don't" makes me want to fight back for some reason. I suppose I felt I had more control when I chose when I drank versus abstaining. (I'm aware of how much that's an addict's thoughts.)

Alcohol is a tricky thing. For one it's everywhere and for cheap. Also, if you turn down someone's "gift" of a shot or drink they take it personal. I'm not even talking about the guys trying to get into anyone's pants. (Though they're annoying as well.) You have people from your own group that will order drinks without asking you. It's lightning fast, "here do these shots, also here's a whole drink...we're leaving in 5 minutes so you better slam it. It has red bull in it." Okay, yeah the last time I was at a bar I really didn't care for dude bros pressuring me. I actually can have fun without alcohol, besides I know my own pace best. I can drink fast but I don't chug. Idk it felt very disrespectful. (Besides this vessel needing to avoid caffeine for our heart. Yes, have an energy drink. It will give you wings when your heart flies out of your throat.)

Anyways, I might be hanging out with some of the group this week and I'm sure we'll end up at a bar or someone's house with booze and I'll have to tell them I don't drink anymore. I wish that was something that was more accepted. I don't care if they want to drink around me, I'll still hang out at bars with them, nothing is changing other than I don't want alcohol in this vessel. How does 1 sober person affect anyone's fun? I'm not policing what they want to do and put into their own bodies. I'm certainly not judging either. If they're that weirded out by it I can always have an edible or smoke. Like why does everyone have to do the same stuff?

It's horrible but part of me says that since I'm done drinking, I should have one last blow out. 1 more fun time. Why?! Non, it's a good thing the last time was so terrible. That's what I need to remember. Being dehydrated, having fucking neurologic issues, probably needed to go to the hospital. That's the reality of drinking. I always take it that step too far. I think I'm tougher than what I am. I've never had a drinking problem where it was too often. But why is it every other time I drink I go on a bender? That is a problem. The quantity, it's too much. It's dangerous even, I need to treat this vessel better it's fragile as is. I've had a couple nights I thought a drink or two would be nice. There was 1 night it was pretty bad, shocked me actually, as I never considered I had a problem with alcohol. I've made it a month, how can I even entertain the idea of one more hurrah? And throw that month away? This will be more challenging than I originally thought, but it's worth it.

[residentraccoon]

Thoughts on this absolutely exquisite night of national finals below (warning I might sound like a whiny spoilt little girl but who cares)

You can call me pretentious, or that I sound like a 70 y/o that does not understand why all these mainstream pop songs are so popular at the moment and does not get the hype with other trendy stuff such as tiktok (no, I don't have it, and probably won't plan on getting it any time soon), but you really have no idea how gut wrenching this night had been lmao

I was already used to the fact that my favorites almost never win national finals, but at least there were one or two per night that made it. This night? None. Even if I didn't pay that much attention to it.

Let's take them by order, shall we?

Estonia had my favorite rock song in a while, Venom, which I dismissed at first for some reason. While I knew from the start when I listened to the lineup of Eesti Laul that Alika will win, it was still kinda dissapointing. It's probably my favorite of the night but I'm still not quite that attached to it. It builds up nicely, then that's it. And it feels like she sings with no passion. Still, the vocals are great, she has good control on her voice. The instrumental is very pretty. Maybe yeah, I can see myself ranking this high in my top. Moving on

Denmark, sIGH oh my god. There are only a few songs in this mumbly and breathy style of singing that I tolerate, and this is not one of them. His voice sounds pretty whiny to the point that I can't listen to it whole. Nicklas had such an entertaining dad rock and the two girls' song was so calming, the message added a bittersweet tone to the song. This? I can only listen to it for one minute. Or maybe this kind of indie semi-singing style is not for me. Idk I'm trying to be positive but I can't.

Romania, I'll try my best to not be too critical. Perinita had everything. Folk sound, stage show, they even changed the folklore parts that sounded similar with the original song. I admit, during the auditions Andrei grew on me. A lot. I could see him winning the nf. But that staging was. Not it. You will call me a purist, I don't care, but that dude is basically barely legal, yet he had women on stage that were more than half naked, with freaking straps around them which came across as extremely creepy to me. I might be alone in thinking this. If he kept the staging dark or whatever, sorta like his audition version I might have been more content with him winning. His make love not war thing came off as tryhard, though, we didn't need that. At least it's in romanian. And as a bonus, the hype for Aledaida and her shitty striptease club banger uwu drove me up a wall. Sorry for bringing it again but holy fuck was that annoying. It had the worst fans out there.

Latvia, along with Estonia, actually chose well. It was tied with Patrisha for me but in the end I would have been okay with both. I like their song. Hope Latvia will make it back in the finals this year. They deserve it.

Idk man, I feel like people love to swarm around these basic pop songs like ants because yasss queen slay delivered (insert country's capital) 2024 she aaateeeeee 💅👌✨ or mumbly 9th grader who just discovered Billie Eilish is rElAtAbLE yay deppreshun is what matters now in music. Nobody actually seems to pay attention to anything other than pop or that has a good message or is heading towards a different sound than what you normally hear being pOpUlAr these days. Or maybe it's just me being dramatic and flaunting that my tastes are uncommon and nobody understands my music taste boohoo

Anyway, that's it with this rant, I even contemplated for a while if I should bother watching esc this year but of course I will because it's literally my life and soul at this point. I can't say the same about national final season. I don't think I'll touch it with a 3 meters pole after this year, I'd rather listen to the selected songs after they're chosen, thanks. Honestly I find it extremely hard to choose a song that I genuinely love so far. Last year I had Moldova, France, Iceland, this year? Well, I think it's still too early to tell. Will wait and see and maybe I'll find a song to root for. But for the time being, I think I have said enough. Brb I'm going back to listening to all those boring old eurovision classics such as Net als toen on full volume to forget about the dissapointment of today.

[retvenkos]

is anyone particularly opinionated about the bridgerton characters (perhaps also a ~star sign~ enthusiast) and want to take a stab at the birth months of all the bridgerton siblings? because i’m 90% sure that they don’t have canon birth months and for some reason i find this important.