adelaideretrocomputing-blog

[whileyoureinschoolidothisallday]

The Tragedy of Touya Todoroki

Touya: Hey Dad, could you pay attention to m--

Endeavor: No.

Touya: Hey Mom, could you support me?

Rei: I wish I could, I wish I knew how, but I don’t, so no.

Touya: Hey Natsu, could you be angry with me so I at least have a friend in this?

Natsuo: I’m like, 7 here and don’t fully understand the situation yet and it’s 3am, so no.

Touya: Okay, so I tried to help myself and ended up burning alive on accident, which caused me to get stuck in a coma for 3yrs, and now I’m in this creepy daycare hospital where they sewed me up with other people’s skin and possibly limbs, and a voice from a TV is talking to me...

AFO: Hi, I’m AFO. Your quirk’s too fucked for me to get any use out of you, but I could train you and then you’d be--

Touya: No. I want my dad to train me and I gotta apologize to my mom, fuck you.

Touya: Dad! Dad, I’m not dead! This creepy guy kidnapped me while I was in a coma and was gonna train me and a bunch of kids so he could turn us into these monsters, and also he spliced my body up like this, but I got away and ran all the way back home! It was really scary and I’m sorry that I was mean, do you think now you could--

Endeavor, too busy beating the shit out of Shouto to notice him: Touya was almost perfect, but still a disappointment! I know you can surpass him!

Touya: .....

Touya: Oh.

Dabi: Cool, it’s been eight years and now I’m a wanted terrorist that’s killed at least thirty people. Gonna kill my dad and my baby brother next! Does anybody wanna give a shit? Feel bad for me? Do something about the corruption in Hero society and stop worshiping them blindly? Hold my dad accountable for creating the conditions that turned me into a villain, kinda like how you hold me accountable for being a villain?

Literally the whole of Japan: Ugh, Dabi is so annoying.

Dabi: Bet. Back to the arson and double murder-suicide then!

[dragynkeep]

It’s so shocking to me how people still don’t think RWBY is “that racist” (it’s more than that)” when they straight up tried the “ohhh there’s a REASON why the oppressors are oppressing the minorities LOL” schtick. Unironically. There’s no deeper meaning behind racism, if I said that right, because racism is racism. No reasoning behind it. No excuses to back it. And yet this show is one among many who stick their asses out to try and find one.

“Uhh, the minorities were protesting with VIOLENCE cuz their people were being treated like dogs…. Not good🤓” okay and? And??? The White Fang was getting shit done. We’re told by BLAKE HERSELF their violent methods were WORKING.

speaking of the Wang, I want to bring up the two characters from it we vaguely know the backstories of: firstly, Ilia. Ilia is heavily coded as indigenous, that’s a no-brainer. Indigenous people to this day (emphasis:to this day) are still unfairly labeled as terrorists for demanding basic living rights. Sound familiar?

And Ilia’s backstory. Unprivileged girl gets into a school among humans who don’t like her kind. She must hide her identity as a Faunus in order to fit in among these humans. Slap on the fact she’s native-coded and you’ve got yourself a real uncomfortable parallel I might be tripping with seeing, but. No matter what I do see it and I wish I didn’t.

But she’s in the wrong for wanting Justice for her parents death, wanting Justice at ALL for her people. She was just being stupid. LOLZ

And then there’s Adam. Yes, we don’t know much about his backstory exactly, but what we do know for sure is:

• He was literally branded

• He was literally enslaved

• He was literally enslaved, and very likely held in slavery while he was a minor

hi ermmmmmmm my little diary: What The Fuck why is this the backstory of who is meant to be the most evil cruel fucked up twisted scary guy in your show CRWBY? Why is this kind of backstory, this kind of issue, not treated at all with even a shred of sympathy?

“Oh, but Nevermore has that line abo—“ You mean the song that also had a line mentioning how the former slave hid his branded eyes in an accusatory way? Sure I’ll peep that one up. /j

and yes, Adam was an abuser. Yes, he was a cringe little whiny loser. Yes, he has a weird mouth. Yes, he did deserve to die in that moment. BUT THE FACT THE SHOW RUNNERS DECIDED TO FRAME HIM EXPOSING THE FUCKING HATE CRIME HUMANS DELT HIM AS. HIS WORST MOMENT. DUN DUN DUN. IS FUCKING GROSS

Especially with how many shots just linger on the brand??? And how excessively detailed it is on the model????? Thumbs down. Tomato!

But oh, this guy was fighting against the oppressors because he wanted his people to TAKE OVER THEM! Just like what the news told me… oh Nvm HE JUST WANTED POWER! He never cared about his people at all, those white people Ahem CHOKE humans were only scared of him and those like him and that’s why they’re racist!

Reframe that statement as:

But oh, this former slave was fighting against the oppressors because he wanted his people to TAKE OVER THEM! Just like what the news told me… oh Nvm THE FORMER SLAVE JUST WANTED POWER! The former slave never cared about his people at all, those white people Ahem CHOKE humans were only scared of the former slave and those minorities like him and that’s why they’re racist!

This show has infamous white comfort but it’s this that irks me the most. I’ll say it again, there’s nothing behind why someone is racist. They just are, and it cannot be reasoned or excused. There is no meaningful explanation behind one’s bigotry, at its core, and it’s painfully obvious that the white ass writers writing this show couldn’t get that through their skulls either.

Then again, RWBY never had a good allegory to begin with. It just kept getting worse.

(sorry for the long ask)

yeah there's not much more i can say than what's been pointed out in the ask but it definitely shows that the mostly white, american fanbase of the show will defend the writers because acknowledging these aspects of the show & how the white writers fucked it up despite no one asking them to make a racism storyline makes them uncomfortable.

adam has to be only an abuser because him being a former slave / victim of racism makes them uncomfortable.

blake has to be yang's girlfriend & go to parties instead of activist rallies because her being a victim of racism makes them uncomfortable.

ilia has to be defined by loving blake & being a "dumb lesbian" because her being a victim of racism, especially with the native allegory of boarding schools, makes them uncomfortable.

[a-tale-of-legends]

Good Talk

Summary: Kiran tries to be more vulnerable with his travel mates.

Notes: This was going to be hurt and comfort but it ended up just being hurt. Whoops! Takes place during the Platinum Arc of the Legendverse.

~~~

" Hey." Kiran speaks up. He doesn't look at either of them, eyes fixated on the campfire flames. Even so he looks…. hesitant. Unsure. But he takes a breath.

" Are....you guys okay?" He speaks out slowly, bashfully turning his gaze to his….comrades. Danica and Barry look at each other, before turning to Kiran with a shrug.

" I feel fine," Danica says bluntly, her voice ever so monotone.

" Yeah, I don't feel sick or anything!" Barry chimes in, also missing point. Kiran frowns, eyebrows furrowing slightly.

" No- I don't mean physically," He shakes his head, " I mean emotionally. Are you guys okay, emotionally," he clarified, and that had a reaction from his travel mates. Immediately they both tense up, Barry looking away, while Kiran can see Danica's often hidden eyebrows lower. Her mouth is often hidden behind her scarf, but Kiran knows by now she's frowning.

Neither speaks, so Kiran speaks up again.

" I…I just think this is a lot," he starts, his mind thinking back to the past year. A lot was an understatement. None of them would have expected to be facing off a literal terrorist group. Danica, especially, who seems to be the one constantly running into them the most. The explosion in Pastoria City and Lake Valor was scary, to put it simply. While they weren't allowed to see the damage within The Great Marsh, but seeing all those water type pokemon dead it was….it was a lot.

" And there's more ahead so….I just wanted to, you know, check in,".

Danica and Barry were still silent. Danica, he'd except, but from Barry? That's how he knows it's bad. He is about to push again when Barry speaks up.

" I hate them," Barry mutters, and Kiran isn't sure if it's the fire or something else, but Barry's eyes burn with rage, his usually cheery demeanor replaced with something so…foul. It was a bit unnerving, " We have to stop them. We have to,"

Kiran tries not to frown. That didn't answer his question, but seeing Barry's rage makes him back off a bit. He didn't want another argument between the two. Not when he's trying to be vulnerable, for Arceus sake.

" Danica?" Kiran eyes the youngest of the three, so is ironically facing off against Team Galactic the most. It makes his stomach turn, really. She's only 11…..though he supposed being 12 and 13 aren't any better.

Danica doesn't speak, as usual, simply looking at Kiran. Dark brown eyes- red, with the fire's light reflecting off of them ( Kiran adds that to another list of things that make Danica a tad unsettling)- meets lighter brown ones. She says nothing. But, for a second, Kiran sees it. Fear. And as soon as Kiran is even able to recognize it, it's gone, her eyes showing absolutely nothing. A dark void, emotions hidden in its depth. She turns away too.

" I agree with Barry," she says, monotone as always, but always as soft as a whisper.

It's….irritating. It's clear that none of them are okay with being in the center of this mess. Even with Cynthia's and Looker's help, it always falls back to them. They are not okay. So why can't they just say it?! ( ….he supposed he's no better. Alas)

Kiran doesn't push further after that, giving up before the battle has even begun.

" Alright then," he says, looking at the fire as well. They continue into the night in silence. Emotions only continue to bubble underneath the surface.

[lilacofficial]

Season 2 Episode 1

-I'm going to try to not look at the episode titles ahead of time

-WHO IS THAT?!

-The subtitles said my name is Jewish

-Intresting title

-Exsquezze me?!

-Ummmm

-WHat the fuck is going on

-Is this a dream?

-What the fuck?!

-Based Tracy

-How are the checks clearing??

-This can't be real. What the fuck is going on

-Little boy blew lol

-Short joke

-AND the terrorist gets flowers?

-WHAT ISA GOING ON?!!?!?!

-SUS

-Do uou write the note by hand perchance??

-Ayy I was right.

-AYYY WELCOME BACK MY DUDES

-Two stars lol

-They were both biotics?!

-That dosen't really mean they won't turn on you

-LITTLE BUDDY

-THEY WERE BOTH BIOTICS THEY WHOLE TIME IN LIKE EVERY TIMELINE?! MY HAED FUCKING HURTS

-I don't trust ANYTHING tHAT is going on right now

-No not really Josh. I bet it's tranquilzier

-Who is that?!

-WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!

-Oh great, more sex. (That's saracam)

-SUS

-I KNEW IT!

-I FUCKING KNEW IT WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!

-WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!

-That's he new intro person I take it

-Goddamn poor Josh

-OUCH

-SPINAL FLUID?!

-I doubt it

-AND

-OKAY AND?!

-OH FUCK NOT AGAIN

-Aw man

-I ALSO know that there's nothing anyone can do. This is going to happen no matter what apparently.

-Holding my U

-BRO M Y FUCKING HRQEA DS;LADSABSASBDHWQBHQ;!

-Dude is basically already in prison

-Well you would be in an aslyum.

-FUCKING JOOSH

-Pointed circle

-WHAT?!

-His LAST SUPPER?

-Ewwwww

-WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENEING

-OOf ouch

-I KNEW HE WAS STILL IN THERE!

-This is literally so scary

-BLAPTEMBER

[ptergwen]

Hi val! Got a request, it's okay if you don't wanna write it, but can you write about peter telling the reader he's going on a huge mission and he's excited about it but the reader is so worried they end up arguing? But when peter gets back from mission all bruised, the reader is still upset but dresses his wound anyway and it ends up with fluff??

abort mission

w/c: 2.4k

warnings: mentions of blood, swearing, and angst

a/n: woah woah woah i ended up writing way more than i expected but i loved this request so much :,) i hope you do too

-

“we’re staying in this, like, super fancy castle while we’re there. it’s gonna be awesome,” peter rambles to you. he takes all the clean shirts in his drawer and throws them into a suitcase.

he’s packing for a mission in europe with the avengers, and you’re here to say goodbye. you’ve been pretty quiet while peter gives you as many details as he’s allowed to. it’s always an honor when the team invites him on. he gets so stoked about it. you’re happy he’s happy and gets to pursue his passion, but you’ve noticed a pattern.

every time peter leaves the country with earth’s mightiest heroes, he comes back in worse condition than the last. it seems like they protect everyone except peter. he’s oblivious to the fact that the end result is always his suffering. he’s just glad to be there. really, he gets nothing in return except scars that never heal, not even a permanent spot on the team. 

so, you’re not thrilled he agreed to go.

“plus, i get to miss two weeks of school.” peter beams, getting onto his knees to zip the suitcase. “feels like a vacation almost.” “you like school, though,” you remind him. you’re sat at the edge of his bed while you watch, rather than help. he hops up again with a shrug. “i like vacations more.” “it’s not a vacation,” you mutter to yourself, then speak up.

“how are you gonna catch up? that’s a lot of missing assignments.” with that same innocent smile, peter walks over to you. he grabs both your hands and laces your fingers together. “i’m a fast learner. besides, ned said he’d help me.” you sigh, looking down at the floor so you don’t have to look at peter. “or, you could. make it into a little study date when i get back,” he suggests while playing with your fingers.

“i don’t even want you to go,” you finally admit and meet his sparkling eyes. nothing could ever dull them. “why not? you’re gonna miss me?” peter teases, pressing a couple of kisses to your palm. “you don’t have to. i’m pretty sure france has wifi.” he wiggles his eyebrows. “oui oui, mademoiselle, eh?” despite yourself, you giggle at his french accent and tug on his hands. he sits down next to you with a chuckle.

“nat has been giving me lessons,” peter explains, you quirking an eyebrow. “she speaks french?” “she speaks a lot of languages, actually. she’s so cool.” peter scoots closer to you and sets his hands on your waist, his voice dropping. “you’d love her.” your face twists up in confusion at the idea.

you don’t have anything against the avengers, obviously. they’re good people. you’re just not the biggest fan of them at the moment, considering the circumstances they’ve put peter under.

“peter, i don’t want you to go,” you repeat more seriously than before. your teeth sink into your lower lip. “and, it’s not because i’ll miss you.” “none taken,” peter jokes, implying there should’ve been a no offense. he then realizes how distressed you look, so he cuts it out. “sorry, sorry. i’m done now. how come?”

you take his hand again and hold it tight. “what if you get hurt?” you ask in the nicest way possible, out of care. “i don’t wanna see you hurting, pete. this mission sounds really... dangerous.” he runs his thumb over the back of your hand, his grin faltering a bit. “it is, but i’m ready for it. i’ll be fine.”

you’re not convinced yet. that line he likes to overuse isn’t enough to do the trick.

his eyes searching for yours, peter brushes a piece of your hair back. “have a little faith in me, babe.” “no, i... i do. i have the most faith in you, peter.” you find yourself frowning as he twirls your locks around his finger. “that’s not the problem.” peter’s voice becomes a whisper. “what is it, then? talk to me.”

you do the opposite because you’re afraid you’ll upset him further, which is the last thing he needs right now. your silence prompts peter to fill it. “would it make you feel better if i say mr. stark is keeping an eye on me?” he’s smiling sheepishly, you scoffing. “oh, like he kept an eye on you in amsterdam?”

the only eye related activity that happened there was peter almost losing one of his. he’d come back with an eyepatch and couldn’t see out of it for over a month. to this day, there’s still a bit of blood in it when you look close enough.

“i already told you, that was my fault,” peter grumbles, turning so he faces forward. “i didn’t listen to him-“ “who gives a shit? he’s the one who put you in that situation!” you blurt out. you’ve been way too patient this whole time, and now you’re reaching your breaking point. “you say that like i didn’t wanna be there.” peter clenches his jaw, still mostly calm.

“either way, mr. stark,” you mock what peter always calls him, “was supposed to keep you safe, and he didn’t. i’m scared it’s gonna happen again.” letting out a noise close to a growl, peter stands up from the bed. “you’re not listening to me, y/n. everything was fine. i just-“ you’re not in the mood to hear him make excuses, so you interrupt.

“do you know any other sixteen year olds who fight literal terrorists on their free time?” you rhetorically ask and get to your own feet. peter tries to walk away from you, only you follow him. “you’re a kid, peter, in case you forgot.” he spins around to give you a nasty look. “do you know any other sixteen year olds who stick to fucking walls?”

your heart starts to race from his sudden outburst. he’s scary when he’s mad, and he almost never gets mad at you. all you can do is blink dumbly. “didn’t think so,” peter spits. “this is what i’m supposed to do, help people. is that so wrong?” his breathing becomes ragged as his anger grows.

“what about you? are you helping yourself?” you speak softly, expecting an answer this time. “you’re not my fucking therapist, y/n,” he deflects the question. “i am your girlfriend, though. i care about you so much, you know that.” eyebrows furrowed in concern, you reach out for peter. he takes a step back. it doesn’t take long for tears to cloud your vision.

“i was excited to share this with you, and i thought you’d be happy for me.” peter balls his hands into fists at his sides. his voice stays low. “instead, you made it all about yourself. you can never let me enjoy team stuff.” you’re speechless, peter nodding as he lets his words sit. “thanks for the support.”

“you’re an asshole,” you laugh out bitterly and wipe under your eyes.

he didn’t mean to make you cry. he was so caught up in himself, he didn’t realize you were.

peter’s whole demeanor changes. “y/n, baby...” he attempts to put a hand on your cheek, but you hit it away. “get off of me. what did i just say?” you sniffle, your tone harsh in contrast. “you’re an asshole, peter.” he changes his mind about feeling bad. you’ve berated him way more than he did you, anyway.

“you should go. i have to be up early,” peter decides, even though he’d said you could stay the night. whatever, you don’t want to anymore. “fine,” you agree shortly. “i’m leaving.” he stands there while you collect your things, shoving them into your bag. you’re going slow enough so he has a chance to stop you. he doesn’t.

you pass by him on your way to his door, sucking in a breath. here’s your official goodbye. “see you later, peter. don’t die.” “mhm, i won’t,” he replies, his tongue poking at his cheek. with one more shared look between you two, you make your grand exit, no doubt informing may of her nephew’s behavior before you’re gone.

peter immediately regrets the way he talked to you, and that you’re leaving things like this. you were only trying to protect him. you’ll never be able to save the city like he does, so this is how you do it. he truly is an asshole for not seeing that.

frustration consuming him, peter kicks over his fully stuffed suitcase, its contents spilling out. he grits his teeth.

“fan-fucking-tastic.”

-

you don’t talk to peter the whole two weeks he’s gone except for some are you alive and yes texts. he’d called you quite a few times, and was sent to voicemail for all of them. he gave you the benefit of the doubt because of timezones.

it was actually because you declined, which peter knew deep down was the real reason.

he’s coming home from his mission today. you’re not sure when or if he plans on dropping by. you’re not sure you’d like him to, either. you don’t really get a choice in the end.

there’s a series of knocks at your window, at some ungodly time in the night. you’re all too familiar with this routine. it’s peter.

you slip out from under your covers, a scowl already painting your face as you go to the window. surely enough, peter is perched in front of it, clad in red and black. the suit must be new because you’ve never seen it. you push up the window and step aside so he can get through.

“thanks,” peter mumbles, climbing into your room less gracefully than usual. he’s sort of wobbly when he lands. “yeah,” you dully acknowledge. “how was france?” “uh, good. you know, lots of cheese and all that.” his voice is muffled from his mask, since he hasn’t taken it off yet. that’s odd. “i was talking about the mission, but cool,” you almost laugh back.

“the mission was... fine,” peter clarifies and scratches the back of his neck. he never describes something as simply being ‘fine.’ when the boy talks, he lectures. you’re starting to get worried. “that’s good. at least you didn’t die, right?” you say to lighten the mood. peter awkwardly chuckles. “haha, yeah. thank god for that.”

you hum and walk over to sit on your bed, peter staying where he is. “what time did you get back?” you wonder, a completely harmless question. “um, this morning,” he says in response, raising your suspicions. “why’re you still in the suit, then?” you squint at him. “i like it, by the way.” “thanks, y/n/n. i, uh,” peter trails off, no good explanations coming to mind.

you’re quickly developing a hunch for what what down. you wordlessly get up again, meeting peter by your window. he’s nervous to see what happens next. peter’s shoulders slump when your fingers land on his mask. you carefully lift it, revealing his face to you. his banged up, bloody face.

“surprise.” peter musters up a grin, you tossing the mask at his chest. you’re beyond angry now. it’s not at him, athough it is at his injuries. “please don’t be mad,” he nearly begs, you shaking your head. you go to leave your room for some space. peter’s fingers wrap around your wrist, pulling you back. “i should’ve listened to you, okay? i’m sorry,” he genuinely apologizes.

you still don’t say anything while you look over his beaten body. there’s a gash with stitches in it on his chin, a deep slice across the bridge of his nose, cuts littering his cheeks. he’s even got a busted lip for good measure. this might be the worst condition he’s let you see him in.

“you were right, y/n. i think... i think i’m gonna sit the next one out. it’s too much for me, clearly,” peter continues, fingers sliding down to lock with yours. “you should say you told me so.” “how... how did this happen?” you manage to get out instead. “the bad guy fought me,” he says with the hint of a smirk. “i won, though.”

it’s a relief that he’s handling this so well, even earning a laugh from you. that puts you more at ease.

“this is probably a dumb question, but are you okay?” you brush your thumb over peter’s cheekbone gently, avoiding his scratches. “not really. my face hurts a lot, and flash is gonna tease the hell out of me on monday.” his lips form a line, arms looping around your waist. it’s very much welcomed by you.

“you just spent two weeks trying not to die, and you’re worried about flash?” you snicker and draw a heart on his skin. peter shrugs a shoulder. “he’s so mean to me.” he brings you in closer to him. “besides, this is the normal kid stuff i should be focusing on.” you’re glad he finally came to terms with that. you’ve been saying it for the longest time.

you smile wickedly at him. “exactly. so is all that homework you have to make up.” peter lets out a breathy laugh, you laying your head on his chest. “i missed you,” he tells you quietly. “really wish i could kiss you right now.” “i missed you too, pete. so much,” you murmur into him. your hands settle on his biceps. “and, i forgive you.” “thanks, baby,” peter exhales.

“of course. once your lips are healed,” you pull back from his chest, making a kissing noise. “pucker up, lover- oh my god.” you’re looking up at him with wild eyes. peter gets reasonably startled from it. “what? what’s wrong?” “you... you’re bleeding!” you point at his stitches. he winces, touching the spot. there’s blood, alright.

“crap. do you have a bandaid or something?” peter gives you an apologetic smile. “mr. stark said i should cover them when this happens.” maybe, tony isn’t so bad after all. you nod and take him by his hand. “yeah, in the bathroom. come with me.”

peter sits on the edge of your bathtub while you patch up his chin. he tells you more about the fun parts of his mission, you placing the cinderella bandaid over his gash. you have those from a while ago and also regular ones. however, he preferred the princess design.

“you saw the real mona lisa? like, in person? that’s insane.” you grin, smoothing down peter’s bandaid one last time. “yeah, she’s even prettier up close.” peter returns the smile. “thanks for taking care of me, y/n. i swear i don’t deserve you sometimes.” now pouting at him, you crouch down so you’re at his level. “it’s the other way around, peter.”

“let’s just agree to disagree,” he concludes and tucks a stray hair behind your ear. “i love you, okay?” “i love you, too.” you press a light kiss to his bandaid, getting a giggle from peter.

yeah, it’s going to be hell finding replacements for his lips.

[ladyelainehilfur]

just watched Strike Back, in literal tears wtf

FELIX YOU BASTARD I WILL COME FOR YOU I WILL COME FOR YOUR FAMILY I WILL STEAL YOUR KNEECAPS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT MEET ME OUTSIDE OF DENNYS I'M GOING TO JUMP YOU YOU MOTHUF0-OUBKCJ LV KHNB,VJN

I was so afraid Ladybug was going to think the real Adrien betrayed her and never trust him again

Thank god Ladrien stays consistent, we won today

WHERE WAS LUKA. HE COULD'VE COME INTO CLUTCH AGAIN. WHERE WAS HE, LADYBUG!!!

look, I'm shaking because why did Chat Noir have to show up in the rain, and tell her he was there and pull her into that damn HUG I WAS LITERALLY CRYING OKAY

my heart aches so bad sis

Alya having to give up the fox 😭 Ladybug looked so heartbroken about the whole thing and they both CRIED THEY WANTED US TO SUFFER

plus the fact Alya was ultimately the one who gave up the secret because she genuinely just can't keep anything away from Nino my hearttttttttttttt

wait, Adrien still has that spyglass right? He could totally look for his mom

Why was the first thing I saw when I logged onto tumblr dot com a meme celebrating the fact shadowmoth's uglyass costume is gone for good 🤡

Their sunglasses were so cool omg I want a pair

SORRY BUT SENDING THE SENTIMONSTDERS INTO THE LITERAL SUN LADYBUG WHAT IN THE FRESH HECK

again, I will hunt you down Felix!!!!!! How dare you betray ladybug!! I don't care that you said sorry, YOU NEED TO GO TO PRISON. For aiding and abetting a terrorist!!

man, Adrien taking care of her during her panic attack 😭 and he looked so sad she took off before he could comfort her further

I'm sorry I ever doubted you kitty. Me and ladybug both.

sorry but I won't be accepting any PennyBug slander today SHE ATE THAT COSTUME UP LIKE IT WAS A THREE COURSE MEAL

damn ladybug really threw Sabrina under the bus giving "Adrien" the dog and saying they'd be working together forever 💀I get maybe all this while she'd been looking to add him on since his failure as Aspik but I still feel bad for Sabrina.

What was up with Chloe and Zoe standing together at the end there? I guess Chloe didn't consider hawkmoth terrorizing the city worth the thrill of harassing Marinette.

speaking of Hawkmoth, imagine how scary it must be to be a Parisian. He said he'd watch every single thing they did, hunt them in their dreams and wreak non-stop havoc. And yet, they still rallied for ladybug. I got so emotional at that.

Lila just looks so unimpressive standing right next to Felix. she couldn't achieve in 4 seasons what he did in less than 5 episodes.

Someone get Nathalie away from the drama, this woman needs to rest up

I'm glad ladybug admitted she mistreated chat basically all season. She was able to recognize her mistake. maybe the writing has hope just yet.

holy cow batman, I heard ALL the fanfic writers cry out in pain when she flashed back to chat blanc when chat noir said he couldn't get akumatized

In conclusion, I was floored by this finale. It took twists and turns I didn't expect out of Miraculous and it was such an emotional ride, especially for long time viewers who've grown with ladybug and want to see her succeed. It hurt me on a personal level to see Ladybug kicked down to the ground, feeling like she lost everything. Then Chat telling her they'd rebuild, taking back each miraculous one by one. What a finale. The best one yet. I can't wait for the movie and I can't wait for season five.

[agentnico]

The Batman (2022) Review

For those of you doubting Robert Pattinson being cast as Batman, may I remind you that he has played a vampire before. Is it not therefore natural for a vampire to turn into a bat? I rest my case.

Plot: When the Riddler, a sadistic serial killer, begins murdering key political figures in Gotham, Batman is forced to investigate the city's hidden corruption and question his family's involvement.

Right, time to do some maths! So the current DC Extended Universe Batman is Ben Affleck (though rumoured to be leaving after The Flash), Michael Keaton is confirmed to be donning the suit once again for multiple DC films, Robert Pattinson is now flying in as Patman, the lovely charitable Keanu Reeves is voicing Batman is DC League of Super-Pets and I’m certain Will Arnett’s Lego Batman (he still counts!) is still out and about. So that’s what, 5 current Batmen? I don’t know what this means but what I do know is that this shows that Hollywood is out of original ideas. Regardless, Robert Pattinson is now Batman, and this one is promised to be even darker and more brooding than the previous versions. Eventually with every iteration trying to be darker in a couple of years we’ll be watching a Batman movie that is literally just a plain black image that stays on for 2-3 hours. Speaking of the runtime, The Batman is way too long. I don’t want to jump straight to a negative, but gosh is this movie too long. Running at 3 hours, and with most of the imagery being dark and plain one naturally gets bored. Yes, I said it, I got bored watching The Batman. Not through all of it, there are some genuinely good scenes and some of the cast performances are stellar, however for a lot of it I did notice myself checking my non-existent watch. Yes, I don’t have a watch, sue me! Who even has a watch these days? Ever heard of a phone? Tap the screen and you’ve got the time! Easy. That being said you shouldn’t be on your phone in the cinema as I don’t condone such behaviour. So what I’m saying is, I was bored and I couldn’t even check the time! Disastrous, I know. 

The Batman’s story is one that strips the superhero character to the basics. Yes, there is action, but at its heart the movie is a detective mystery, where Batman alongside Jeffrey Wright’s James Gordon follow Riddler’s clues to find him as well as discover secrets behind the corruption of Gotham. That is all well and okay, however the mystery and its solution are quite predictable. The reveals can all be seen from a mile away, so seeing Batman and Gordon take their sweet 3 hour time trying to work it out themselves is tedious and also proves that they both are terrible detectives and should reconsider their career choices. That being said, Bruce Wayne here really seems to love riddles, as whenever Riddler leaves him with yet another riddle, Bruce is like “yes, I know!! I know the answer to that!”. Alright mate, calm down, no one likes a show off. Then again, he must get bored walking around at night dressed as a bat. Guess solving riddles and puzzles adds some flair to his otherwise depressing life. I don’t know why I’m judging Bats so much, he’s actually one of the highlights of this film.

That’s right, Robert Pattinson makes for a good Batman. He’s reserved yet you can feel the anger behind the mask. He also does the voice well. But also Pattinson makes for a solid Bruce Wayne. You can feel Bruce’s tortured self reflect in his eyes, and you can really tell that this guy has missed a good few therapy sessions. Paul Dano as The Riddler is obviously great. Anyone who has seen the film Prisoners already knows that Dano can play creepy criminals well. He’s got that innocent everyday-guy face, however he can easily transform into a deranged maniac and do so successfully. He turns The Riddler into a truly scary presence, adapting the character more into a terrorist rather than a green suited gent with question marks on his outfits. Paul Dano is a stand out here and I love seeing him take these roles. Jeffrey Wright as Gordon was okay. Nothing against the guy, but his entire shtick here was to say every line with huge intensity as if he’s constantly constipated. Zoe Kravitz as Catwoman did Catwoman things, and Andy Serkis appears as Alfred and doesn’t do much. Kinda feels like he was only on set for a couple of days. Colin Farrell is unrecognisable as the Penguin, having received a similar face transformation to that of Jared Leto in House of Gucci and Gary Oldman in The Darkest Hour. Usually I see Farrell as a cast stand out, however in The Batman he’s, as Iron Man would say to Spider-Man “if you’re nothing without this suit, then you shouldn’t have it.”. For I feel outside of the Penguin fat-suit Colin Farrell doesn’t do anything special here. And lastly I wanted to mention John Turturro as Carmine Falcone, who feels like he walked straight out of The Godfather set, as he played the mob boss with eloquent charm, and I kept waiting for him to say “I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse”. He never did though. He never did. Shame.

Overall The Batman I think should be titled as A Batman. Not terrible, and has its moments, but overall I don’t think it adds much new to the Batman formula, and again, I must say, its too long. I kind of feel if it was shorter the negatives wouldn’t stand out so much to me, but 3 hours for this was too long. Also, the ending of the film is flat out silly. Following the serious realistic tone of the first two hours, the movie ends on a catastrophic event that in a nutshell doesn’t make sense. There’s this big thing that happens, and then in the next scene characters just act like nothing happened and that what occurred was an easy fix. Felt a tad stupid, however I cannot say more without spoilers. Anyway, enjoyable but forgettable. And here be lies my verdict.

Overall score: 6/10

[miraculouswolf99]

I Put A Spell On You (Song Fic)

My first miraculous salt fic. Doubles as a song fic and a Halloween fic. Features the best song from the best Halloween movie of all time. Hocus Pocus.

*****

Adrien was happy. No one else in class knew why he had been smiling all day. Chloe was probably the only one in the room that knew why he was so happy today. But she was not going to tell anyone and ruin his day when Liar Rossi would would just use it to make up some more lies and ruin his happiness.

Things had not gotten better since the lying Italian had joined the class. Even though now that Marinette had transferred to Mendeleiev’s class, things had not gotten better. If anything, things had gotten worse since now Lila thought that she could not freely lie and manipulate almost non-stop with no one there to attempt to expose her.

The class was now half and half with who believed the liar and who doesn’t. The ones that don’t believe her being Adrien, Chloe, Nathaniel, Kim, and Juleka. Sabrina was decided to be a neutral part and not take a side. She listened to Lila’s tales, but normally stayed by Chloe’s side. Alya, Nino, Alix, Max, Ivan, Mylene, and Rose were all firmly on Lila’s side and nothing could ever change their minds.

Adrien had finally been starting to stand his ground against the liar since he had seen her chase Marinette away. He was reaching his wits end with her constantly hanging on his arm and never letting go when he asks or even demands her to. Adrien had managed to convince Bustier that he was too bust with his schedule to tutor Lila and that he would be better off sitting in the back with Nathaniel since it was more quiet than being next to Lila “never shuts up” Rossi.

“What are you so happy about today, Sunshine,” Nathaniel asked his friend.

“I have some friends coming today,” Adrien answered. “They were visiting their grandparents in the United States and decided to stop in France on their way back to their home in Greece. Their names are Lyon and Vallia Garden.”

“You know Greeks, cool,” Nathaniel said. “When did you meet them? Obviously it wasn’t a time close to now since you have not left the country and no Greeks have showed up here either, to my knowledge.”

“I met them about a year before my mom disappeared,” Adrien says. “Their family owns and operates an incredible animal and nature sanctuary that almost takes up the entire island they live on. They host a lot of charities there. Concerts, celebrity birthdays, auctions, art shows, even cooking contests. I was there with my parents for a charity fashion show.”

“Do you speak Greek or did they speak French,” Nathaniel was curious since he did know that Adrien already also spoke Mandarin and English.

“They speak French,” Adrien says. “They were the only ones there that were my age, so I was glad to have someone to talk to. We’ve kept in contact ever since.”

“Sounds great,” Nathaniel smiled at his friend. “Do they know about... everything going on?”

“Dear god, no,” Adrien stated. “Lyon is fiercely protective of his friends. He is a master archer and when he caught poachers trying to break into the sanctuary, he actually shot them all before calling the police.”

“I am not sure whether to be terrified of him when they come or in awe of him,” Nathaniel admitted.

“Nothing wrong with both, as Vallia would probably say,” Adrien chuckled. “I do admit that they can be pretty scary. Especially since when they help out at their family sanctuary, Lyon seems to have a way with their wolves and Vallia seems to be a lion whisperer.”

“I am both terrified and looking forward to meeting them,” Nathaniel nervously laughed. “I just hope Marc doesn’t faint when he learns this stuff about them. I love him, but we all know he is naturally timid.”

“I know,” Adrien chuckled. “Remember when he first met Kagami?”

“I will never let him live that down,” Nathaniel smirked, loving it when he is able to tease his boyfriend.

Before the two could continue their conversation, there was sudden yelling from outside the classroom and coming from the courtyard. It sounded like four people arguing, two of them not sounding like they were French.

“What is that,” Nathaniel wondered as they stood up.

“I’m a little worried to find out,” Adrien stated.

The two had stayed behind to chat after the bell rang and everyone else left for the day. They immediately left the classroom and looked over the railing and into the courtyard. They were soon joined by Marinette, Marc, Kagami, Aurore, and Mireille from Mendeleiev’s class, who had also heard the yelling.

“What’s going on,” Marinette immediately asked.

They all look over the rail. They see two people arguing quite loudly with Alya and Lila. They certainly were both unique-looking teens.

The first was a girl that was quite beautiful and had a grace and elegance to her style. She had long blond hair braided with roses and butterflies and had pink streaks. Her eyes were a stunning silver that you could see, if you were close enough, had specks of blue in them. Her style was a red, pink, and purple dawn colored dress with gold flats. On her wrists were diamond rose cuff bracelets, a butterfly on the one on her right wrist. 

The boy next to her gave off a very icy exterior that also screamed honor and loyalty that only a knight would have. A tall boy with hair that was actually black with streaks of white and blue in it, coming to the length of Adrien's. His eyes were the opposite of the girl's, blue with silver specks. His outfit of choice was a sky blue t-shirt under a white jean vest, matching the blue pants with white boots. On his hands were white fingerless gloves. Around his neck was a sword and shield pendant as well as a white cloak only going down to his knees. 

“Lyon, Vallia,” Adrien gasped.

“Those are your two friends from Greece, Adrien,” Kagami asked, Adrien having told her during their last fencing practice.

“Yeah,” Adrien said. “Their plane must have landed earlier than expected and they decided to come here.”

“Why are they arguing with Alya and Lila,” Mireille wondered.

“If it has something to do with that liar, it’s probably her fault,” Marc, of all people, stated.

It was a pretty open secret in the school that literally everyone but most of Bustier’s class, plus Bustier herself and Damocles, were all aware that Lila was nothing but a manipulative liar. In fact, most of them were shocked that the class, teacher, and principal believed her outlandish lies in the first place.

“Maybe Lila tried to cozy up to them and they caught her in a lie,” Marinette guessed.

“Lyon and Vallia do come from a rich family,” Adrien said. “Not only is their family known for their sanctuary, but they also have the largest jewel collection in the world. Like the medallions on their foreheads.”

They all looked and saw that the two did indeed have crystal medallions on their foreheads. Vallia’s was a rose quartz butterfly and Lyon’s was a sapphire wolf.

“What is up with that book that Lyon has,” Kagami noticed.

They all looked and saw that Lyon was holding a pretty large book that looked very old. It was bound with brown leather that had Frankenstein-like stitches all over it along with old silver metal on the cover as well. It also had a very large buckle.

“They did say they wanted to show me something,” Adrien said. “They went to the US to celebrate Halloween with their grandparents so maybe they got some type of prop and wanted to show it to me.”

They all quickly started to get into the courtyard and make their way over to the four. In a city plagued by a terrorist that uses negative emotions, arguments usually lead to someone getting akumatized.

“My brother does not worship the devil,” Vallia shouted at Alya and Lila.

“That book is a Book of Shadows,” Lila pointed at the book in Lyon’s hands. “It’s a tool of witchcraft, which is all about worshiping the devil. I should know. My great uncle is a world renown priest back in Italy.” 

“Not all witchcraft is devil worship, you pathetic liar,” Lyon sneered. “And there is no world famous priest in Italy since the last well-known one was arrested five years ago for killing people using fake exorsisms.”

(Reference to an episode of Criminal Minds.)

“Lila is not a liar,” Alya yelled. “You are, you devil witches.”

“This isn’t even a real spellbook,” Vallia screamed at them. “It’s a movie prop out grandparents won in an auction. They knew we loved Halloween, so they got us a prop from out favorite Halloween movie.”

“See, that proves you worship the devil,” Lila accused. “Halloween is a devil cult holiday, my great uncle proved that years ago but America rejected his facts and still celebrates it.”

“It is not,” Lyon yelled. “You are the worst liar I have ever come across. You should be ashamed to insult an entire holiday just because you don’t like it. Pathetic, just like all you other mythology copying Italians.”

(Reference to the Roman and Greek rivalry from Percy Jackson.)

“How dare you,” Lila screamed.

“Lyon, Vallia,” Adrien called. “Calm down.”

But it was too late. A black and purple butterfly already came flying down. It went inside of the book Lyon was holding. The butterfly outline appeared over his eyes.

“Your favorite holiday and your culture insulted all at once,” Hawkmoth says to him. “Hocus Pocus, I am giving you the power to right this wrong. All I ask is for the miraculous of the ladybug and black cat in return.” 

“I will show this liar some real magic,” Lyon said, transforming.

“What the hell,” Vallia gasped, backing away.

Lyon had changed into an almost male version of Winifred Sanderson. He was in a mostly green outfit with a green leather vest and pants with black leather boots that matched the black silk shirt under the vest. He also wore a long and shiny green cloak with a hood. He was still holding the book.

“Is it wrong that he actually looks hot in that outfit,” Adrien let slip, then instantly covered his mouth.

“Okay, we will come back to Adrien’s crush later,” Marinette stated. “For now, let’s run.”

Adrien immediately rushed forward and grabbed Vallia.

“Adrien,” Vallia was confused and worried. “What’s going on? What happened to Lyon?”

“Hawmoth is a terrorist here in Paris,” Adrien gave a quick explaination. “He takes advantage of negative emotions to turn normal people into his mind controlled villains.”

“Someone is mind controlling my brother,” Vallia was pissed. “When I get my hands on him, Hades will look like a puppy in comparison.”

“Maybe later, but we all need to hide so that Ladybug and Cat Noir can save your brother,” Adrien said.

Hocus Pocus then opened his book. He smirked as it glowed.

“Wicked ways beneath the skin, let all who taste it now join in,” he cast.

(Reference to Descendants 2.)

Out of the book came magical glowing chocolates. They all shot around the school and into the mouths of multiple people. It forced them to eat the magical treats, including Vallia, Nathaniel, Marc, and Kagami. Music then started playing out of nowhere as Hocus Pocus smirked again.

“Oh crud,” Adrien swore, running away along with the few students and staff that managed to avoid the chocolates. 

He transformed and was soon on the roof of the school. Ladybug soon joined him. But they were shocked that the school was now in a full-blown musical moment. Hocus Pocus took “center stage” with Vallia and Kagami as his main back-up singers.

“I put a spell on you And now you're mine You can't stop the things I do I ain't lyin'.”

“It's been three hundred years Right down to the day Now the witch is back And there's hell to pay.”

“I put a spell on you And now you're mine!”

Hocus Pocus seemed to have used the chocolates like mind control treats. Everyone that eaten one had was now dancing around the courtyard in very Halloween-like manors. Some even seemed to be doing Micheal Jackson’s Thriller moves.

Alya and Lila, who had not gotten chocolates, were not allowed to leave as the dancers forced them to stay in the courtyard.

“What the heck in going on,” Ladybug was so confused.

“I guess whatever movie his akuma form is based off of had a musical number in it,” Cat Noir guessed.

“I put a spell on you And now you're gone (Gone, gone, gone, so long!) My whammy fell on you And it was strong (So strong, so strong, so strong!)”

“Your wretched little lives Have all been cursed 'Cause of all the witches working I'm the worst.”

“I put a spell on you And now you're mine.”

Hocus Pocus walked around the courtyard as he sung, Vallia and Kagami making amazing back-up singers. Alya and Lila still looked terrified even with the catchy song playing around them.

“Even as a back-up singer, who would have thought that Kagami could sing,” Ladybug said.

“Yeah, no kidding,” Cat Noir agreed.

“(Watch out! Watch out! Watch out! Watch out! She ain’t lyin’)”

“If you don't believe, You better get superstitious.”

“I put a spell on you... I put a spell on you...”

“Ah say into pi, alpha maybe upendi!”

“Ah say into pi, alpha maybe upendi!”

“In comma-coriyama"

“In comma-coriyama”

"Hey hi, say bye-bye-i-i-i-i-i-i-i"

"Bye, bye"

The song ended with a pose from Hocus Pocus and his two back-up singers. He still had his menacing smirk on his face.

“I think it’s time our little liar had her own spell placed ob her,” Hocus Pocus stated. “Like... a truth spell, perhaps.”

Let’s just say that the heroes were petty and decided to let the liar’s kingdom fall before defeating the akuma. And Adrien was certainly glad to have his friend back and a really cool book from their favorite Halloween movie. He just wished that the name of the movie would stop slipping his mind. Oh well, gives him an excuse to talk with Lyon more.

[themonkeycabal]

Wandavision Ep 5 Spoilers

Wherein I watch Wandavision at a stupid hour of the morning because I do not sleep like a regular human being, and sometimes I have things to say.

Previously on Wandavision, we all discovered that Darcy Lewis and Jimmy Woo were the BFFs we never knew we needed and now can't live without. Also Wanda reminded us that she's really scary.

We should be in the 80s now, right? Ahh the 80s. Leg warmers, Aquanet, and MTV.

Baby shenanigans with crying twins. Wanda tries to magic them to sleep and it doesn't work. "Maybe we just need some help." And in pops Agnes without waiting for them to answer the door. As you do in a sitcom hell. She's got a headband and leg warmers on and is on her way to jazzercise. Of course. Is the point of Agnes to really anchor us in a decade? Asking for real. She's very "this is the era, and these are the tropes, let's all play along now."

Vision is very protective of the babies, to such a degree and with such intensity that Agnes literally forgets her line and nervously asks Wanda if she wants her to take that again. Well, then. Agnes very super a lot does not want to be wished to the cornfield. 

The babies stopped crying during the whole "should we do this scene again" interlude. Vision noticed the weirdness and is trying to figure out what's going on, Wanda is trying very hard to pretend everything is normal. Agnes is being super duper bizarre in the background. And suddenly the twins are like three years old. Agnes has given up and got into the liquor. I don't blame her.

Opening credits. Okay, I'm sorry, 'baby' Vision is almost more stupidly funny than I can take. Like … what? I think I want that as my new icon, though. Also the credits are too long. I think they were very proud of their theme song, so we have to hear it all. These are my least favorite so far. Very 80s, but meh.

In the real world, Monica is getting x-rays and giving a report on being yeeted from Wanda World.

Jimmy Woo and Darcy are there to greet her at the end of the exam. "This is Doctor Darcy Lewis." Yes, she is! Still very proud. She's also the doctor of encouraging people to wear pants, shoving a pair at hospital gown-clad Monica. Erik's no-pants phase was very scarring.

The medic comes back and says the medical tests didn't work or something. The medic wants to do x-rays again because the first came back blank and also she's going to have to do another blood draw. Hmm. Monica is still somehow affected by Wanda World? Unclear on how that would work. Some sort of weird witchy radiation-like energy? Monica says 'no' to more needles and also wants to put pants on. Just let the woman have her pants.

Now we're on to a briefing with the acting Director of SWORD whose name I don't remember. He's very "government suit" bland, I have a hard time caring about anything he says. Also, does anybody else pronounce the 'w' in SWORD in their head when they read it? Like I cannot make my brain stop doing that. "s-WUH-ord'.

"Our initial theory had Wanda Maximoff as one of many victims. We now know she is the principle VICTIMIZER!" Settle down there, acting director guy. Why not say 'subject', 'suspect', 'perpetrator', or boring old 'cause of the anomaly". VICTIMIZER! Geez then. I'm going to guess his solution will be a tactical nuke or some such rot.

Jimmy gives background on Wanda.

Acting Director Guy: "The twins were subsequently radicalized, volunteering at Hydra." Jimmy Woo: "That's an oversimplification of events, but yes." I'm giving you heart-eyes Jimmy Woo.

"After unspecified experimentation with the mind stone, Maximoff gained telekinetic and telepathic abilities."

Then a weird aside where the Acting Director — who shall now be known as Acting Director Dick — wants to know if Wanda had a code name or a something, seeming to imply that not having one made her a bad guy?,  and then he points out how the first time she used her powers it was against the Avengers. He totally just ordered a tactical nuke from "overreacting-government-douchebags r us".  I hate this particular character trope, the government heavy who never listens to anybody and is always ready to napalm the suburbs because reasons. It's so tedious.

Jimmy points out that Wanda earned the Avengers trust and then became an Avenger herself, thank you very much. Acting Director Dick doesn't care, he's decided Wanda is a terrorist and he'll turn half of New Jersey into a glass parking lot to get rid of her. Sure am glad he's in charge of some sort of mysterious and powerful agency.

Jimmy Woo is not a fan either, and he walks back over to his new bestie and tells Darcy that while he tries not to speak ill of anybody … Darcy interrupts "then allow me", and she has no trouble saying that Acting Director Dick is, in fact, a dick. That's my girl.

Elsewhere AD Dick is blathering on about how they don't negotiate with terrorists. Well, since Wanda hasn't made any demands, or released a manifesto or anything …. Monica also points out Wanda is not a terrorist. AD Dick twists her report to make Wanda sound as terroristy as he can. I'm bored with him now.

Monica argues with him a bit and say she doesn't believe Wanda World is a premeditated act of aggression. I vote Darcy, Jimmy, and Monica wait until AD Dick is alone, and then they shove him in a locker for the rest of the season. If anybody asks he had to run back to sWUHord for meetings or something, "Darn, you just missed him. I'll tell him you're looking for him. Great. Buh-bye now".

AD Dick needs to make his big jackass point that Wanda is the most terroristy terrorist who ever terroristed, so he shows off footage of Wanda breaking into a SWORD facility to steal back Vision's body. Because that seems terroristy and not at all like some sort of emotional breakdown. As far as I can tell, she just busted open a few doors, but didn't hurt anybody. I think AD Dick doesn't know the meaning of the word terrorist.

And, yes, then she resurrected Vision in an idealized sitcom world in a small city in New Jersey. That's exactly like something a terrorist mastermind would do. Mmmhmm. Is it nice for the people trapped there with them? No, clearly not. Agnes and Herb in particular seem aware and are scared. They need to be rescued and Wanda needs LOADS of therapy. But Director Nuke the Site from Orbit over here isn't going to make anything better. Darcy, sister, shove that asshole into a locker stat.

Jimmy notes that stealing Vision's body is a violation of the Sokovia Accords. And while I appreciate his dedication to maintaining the Accords … well, I mean, look, it's body theft and all. It's not a great look; I absolutely allow that. But you can just sort of stop there. Though, that's very the Sokovia Accords "if this guy dies, his body must go to a shadowy government agency. for safety. yep."

Also Vision had a living will, where he didn't want to be used as a weapon. Sure, okay. Because I'm sure SWORD was just totally not doing anything at all with his body. Nope. Look, I'm totally a SHIELD girl and even I wouldn't necessarily trust SHEILD with that. So, who is SWORD to me? Pfft. I'd give him to Thor or something and ask him to be buried far far away. I'm just saying. I'm supposed to trust Johnny-Come-Lately S-WUH-ORD?

(In my head now is an inter-agency rivalry where SWORD is like "We have rocket ships!" and SHIELD is like "lol, our lead scientist got eaten by a rock and survived on an alien world for like six months". "But rocket ships?" "We've traveled through time a dozen times in the last year alone. We're a bigger chaotic disaster than you can ever hope to be".)

AD Dick undermines his own "SHE'S A TERRORIST!" thesis by saying she acted out of grief. And then he dismisses everybody. "Work the problem!" Uh … whut? Fine? What is the problem? That she's a WILD MURDERY TERRORIST who must be stopped! or a grief stricken woman who stole her technologically advanced boyfriend's body and probably should be talked down? Acting Director Lack of Clarity.

Jimmy wants to know how Wanda could have resurrected Vision without the Mind stone and Darcy wants to know what Vision will do when he figures it out. Fine questions, friends, fine questions. Monica is just like "acting director dick used to be a buddy but now I kind of want to punch him and am very conflicted. oh and wanda kind of freaks me out but also i feel bad for her" only she says all that without words.

Tommy and Billy are now about like 5 or 6 or something. I'm terrible with kids ages. They're up to shenanigans. Oh, they found a lost puppy dog and they're giving him a bath in the sink. It's all super adorable.

Vision wanders in and greets his family all formally and in his human face. He says he has a premonition someone might pop over. He's not a fan of sitcom neighbors either. And there's Agnes now with a dog house. How does she know whether to enter through the front door or the back door?

The dog tries to burn the house down by licking an electrical outlet? so they name him Sparky (harr harr) and Wanda magics him a collar with Agnes right there. Vision's all "wtf darling?" and she points out Agnes didn't even notice when the boys went from babies to five-year olds, she certainly didn't notice the magic collar. Agnes is trying very very hard not to notice anything. Poor Agnes.

Wanda says she's tired of hiding her abilities and Vision is Very Concerned. He's starting to figure things out.

They tell the boys they can't have a dog until they're 10, so the boys grin at each other and age themselves up to 10. That is all very unsettling. Agnes "Let's just hope this dog stays the same size." as she screams internally "save me!"

Real World. Jimmy's hustling back to the science room with coffee for Monica and Darcy. Monica is asking for some sort of wild mobile bunker to help her get back into Wanda World and Darcy's like "well, yes, but also no". But Monica knows an aerospace engineer who'd totally make it for her.  

"I can't guarantee the Hex won't just mind wipe you as you go in." "What's the hex?" "Oh, it's what I'm calling the anomaly because of it's hexagonal shape. It's starting to catch on." Darcy's so proud, but Jimmy's like 'not so much' but he's too polite to say.

Monica's determined to go back in. Jimmy wants to know who the kids are, if they've id'd them or the babies and Monica's all "oh, no, those are legit Wanda's." Darcy says if she can make stuff with her mind, and all the props and whatnot in the Wanda World are real then she's wielding an insane amount of power. Monica is sure she could have taken out Thanos if he hadn't cheated and snapped her. Jimmy thinks Captain Marvel could have done it. Monica very much doesn't want to talk about Captain Marvel.

Monica has an Idea!

Ah, she wants to see her outfit from Wanda World, which is now in the real world. So, is it real matter Wanda created, or is the perception field bleeding over to make them all see that outfit in the real world. That would have been hella awkward if Monica got yeeted out of her clothes.

Monica confirms they're real then steals Jimmy's gun and shoots them. Ahh, she was wearing a kevlar vest when she went into Wanda World, and that changed shape to be her super fly 70s outfit. "Wanda is rewriting reality." Changing things to fit the hex. So they'll send in something that doesn't need to be changed. Um. Sure. Fine. I don't know what that means, or how that would help in this context, but I'm sure I'll find out.

Meanwhile, Vision is at work, and all his coworkers are amazed at the actual computers. Golly shucks. Computers. Hey, so, computers have been around since the 40s. ANYWAY.

"Should we surf the internet?" We're progressing rapidly through the 80s. Oh, lol, Darcy sent an email. And the whole office creepily reads it out loud. Vision is very weirded out. As well he should be. He wipes the computer with his glowy synthezoid powers and then he glowies Norm when Norm tells him 'none of it is real'. Norm wakes up "please help me. what day is it? how long has it been?". Oh dear. Poor Vision. This is all going to go so very badly. Norm gets very freaked out begging Vision to "stop her". Vision resets him.

At the house the boys wonder where dad is, and Wanda tells them it's Monday and he's at work. Except the boys are all "um, no, it's Saturday". Wanda, your house of lies is tumbling down! You shouldn't have let them grow up so fast. Babies don't ask inconvenient questions about why Daddy needs some space from Mommy and her questionable choices for their shared reality.

Wanda takes the opportunity to impart the 80s family sitcom trope of the weekly life lesson about how family might fight, but they still love each other and family is forever. One of the twins asks if she has a brother. She does. He's far away. But, Sparky goes barking at the door. Wanda looks far away herself. She goes to open the door and Sparky runs out.

Monica has sent in a drone from the 80s. Well that wasn't really a thing. But, how does the 1980s rc plane look more high tech than the 2020s drone they sent in first? Talk to your design team, SWORD.

Anyway, Wanda spots the drone, but she's keeping it out of the broadcast, because she's the editor and director and producer of Wandavision, of course.

Monica announces herself and tries to get Wanda to acknowledge her. Whoops. Wanda's eyes go glowy. AD Dick says "take the shot" and Monica's all "what? no, the drone isn't armed." Except of course it is, because AD Dick is a monumental dick, and he's got a backup drone pilot who takes the shot. Wandavision goes off air. And, oh no, there's a breach at the Hex!

Lol. It's Wanda coming through, dragging the mangled corpse of the drone with her. That was entirely deserved, AD Dick. I hope she shoves it up your ass, dick.

"The missile was just a precaution". AD Dick backpedals quick, like a coward. You gave a three second attempt to talk to Wanda before you pulled the trigger, I don't like you. "You can hardly blame us."

Wanda warns him to stay out. "You won't bother me, I won't bother you." Okay, well, he does kind of have a point, in that there's a whole town of people who are stuck as bit players in Wanda World. That's not very nice. I mean, surely she could have found a nice empty spot somewhere and created her sitcom utopia. That's at least a fair criticism.

Monica tries her best to talk Wanda down. It doesn't work particularly well.

"What do you want?" "I have what I want and no one will ever take it from me again." And she mind controls the soldiers training their guns on her, to turn them on AD Dick. Whoops. And Wanda goes back to her world. The Hex glows all red as she goes.

And we go to commercial. Lagos Brand paper towels. "For when you make a mess you didn't mean to." Wow, so that was brutal. Wanda's not mad at you, Monica. She's just carrying a lot of guilt. Ouch.

Back in Wandavision, the boys are looking for their dog. They find Agnes hiding in the bushes with the dog. Poor Sparky apparently ate some azalea leaves and died. The boys are very sad and Wanda warns them not to age up. They can't run from their feelings. Oh Wanda. "It's too sad," Billy says. "You can fix anything mom," Tommy cries, "Fix the dead". Yikes.

Wanda "I'm trying to tell you there are rules in life." Poor Agnes is trying not to have a total meltdown. "We can't reverse death. No matter how sad it makes us. Some things are forever."

Billy and Tommy try to talk her into bringing back Sparky. And Vision turns up. Well, this is just brutal.

Vision is entirely outside of Wanda's control. "I spoke with Norm. I unearthed the man's suppressed personality and I spoke to him free of your oversight." Yikes. "He was in pain, Wanda."

Okay it's kind of funny they're arguing over the end credits. Vision is very very pissed. "I'm scared." Aww.

Wanda insists she's not in charge of every life in Westview. "I don't know how any of this started in the first place." Huh. Is that really true? Because she's pretty sure of it now. Somebody or something convinced her into a sitcom world and now she's just like "yeah, this is good"? really asking.

Ding-dong.

"I didn't do that." 

Vision: *doubt*

DING DONG

Wanda goes to answer the door.

In the real world, alarms are blaring but Darcy notices a new revelation on Wandavision.

Wanda Word — and it's Pietro at the door. See! I knew it had to be Pietro who'd be the surprise guest thingy. I mean it's hilariously X-Men Pietro (Evan Peters, like @lewstonewar suggested), but Pietro nonetheless. There's nobody else it could have been.

Darcy be all WTF? "She recast Pietro?" lol

Okay, Wanda seems legit shocked. I don't think she did that. And I super really don’t think she’d make him sound like a NYC cabbie. 

And end.

Well. I mean, I'm not sure what to think. Wanda insists she's not controlling everything. I don't think she created Pietro. But, she totally stole Vision's body and created the kids and seems mostly happy in her sitcom universe and she can traverse the Hex, which obviously suggests its her doing. Dunno. I have questions about Agnes and her convenient timeliness here and there.

The mystery continues.

Disney wants to know if I want to watch Age of Ultron next. How poorly you know me, Disney.

[frasier-crane-style]

Watching Snyder League

-Diana literally vaporizes a guy armed with nothing but an assault rifle.

-Also, these have gotta be like the dumbest terrorists. Their plan:

A. Send multiple armed gunmen to take hostages.

B. Stall for time

C. Set off a suitcase bomb on a one minute countdown (why not just set it off immediately? It's In The Script)

You have a suitcase bomb--just park a car somewhere, set the timer, leave it in the trunk, and walk away. You can kill as many people as you want without losing any of your own guys.

-Superman's scream sends out five separate shockwaves. Which makes me think the guy's milking it, personally.

- I'm amused that both SOP for the Amazons is having, like, fifty people standing around guarding the Mother Box. AND that they don't ramp up security after it wakes up.

- And there's this system of burying the Mother Box.  Which 1. seems like the only way to get there in the first place is to teleport in. What good is this system against a teleporter?

2. It takes six guards to suicide themselves by knocking down pillars, which seems like--in five thousand years, you couldn't come up with something where you just pull a level from twenty feet away?

This is the problem with the Amazons. They're all women, so none of them go into STEM fields.

- It's also real weird that this Bruce Wayne doesn't even try to hide that he's Batman. He just walks right up to Aquaman and goes "hey, Bruce Wayne, I'm also Batman." And remember, he's getting the Justice League together entirely based on a hunch. At least in Josstice League, there were Parademons all up in Gotham.

- And should I even bother to ask why Darkseid's people can't just bring three new Mother Boxes to Earth? Are those the only three? If so, you'd think they'd try to get them back sooner. Like, A LOT sooner.

- Okay, this was supposed to come out one year before Infinity War, but still, it was pretty obvious what Marvel was doing with Thanos and the Infinity Gauntlet. They had to know they were inviting comparisons.

-I love the implication, tho, that Darkseid just lost track of the Mother Boxes and just... no one realized they were back on Earth. And they have Parademons that can specifically sniff out the Mother Boxes. 

-And if Superman dying was such a momentous occasion that it woke up a Mother Box, why not the Old Gods dying? Why not Ares dying? Wouldn't that have left Earth just as undefended?

-I have no idea why any of this is happening a couple years after Superman debuted and then died and not in, like, 1446.

-Are the Mother Boxes like finicky computers? Do you need to turn them off and on again? When Superman showed up, did they shut down for real, and then he died, so they came back on for real? Is it like a Windows 95 thing, where you can't JUST turn the computer off, you have to go to the start menu and press Shutdown and then wait for it to close up shop?

-It’s so weird that this is supposed to be a Dark, Mature Adaptation For Adults! And it doesn’t have the same basic logic you’d get from an episode of Power Rangers. 

-So. Much. Daddy issues.

-Please stop letting Ezra Miller improv.

-They cast like the gayest man in America to play the one guy with a love interest.

-Diana: "I lost someone I loved once." Well, twice, but who's counting?

-All those reshoots and they couldn't get Amber Heard to knock off the British accent?

-Why is Desaad, of all people, Darkseid’s dragon? Is it just because they were rifling through all the Fourth World saga to find the few guys with scary names instead of Granny Goodness or Virman Vundabar?

- And they really play up Darkseid appearing to Steppenwolf, but we've not only already seen him in the big flashback, we saw him get his ass kicked by Zeus of all people.

- And the whole thing where Steppenwolf is part of Darkseid's 'family' really isn't helping the Thanos-Nebula-Gamora comparison.

-It's weird to introduce Darkseid as the guy who was already beaten once. Wouldn't it make more sense that Steppenwulf was the guy who lost, and that allowed Darkseid to take over, and now he's trying to redeem himself for his defeat? Or that Darkseid was never defeated at all, but someone stole the Anti-Life Equation from him and hid it on Earth? Something. Instead, it’s literally just randomly burnt into the crust of the Earth, Darkseid discovers it, then forgets all about it for reasons the movie doesn’t get into despite being four damn hours long.

-It’s only the central plot, whatever, forget about it.

- Pretty sure Kal eye-lasered a couple Army guys to death after he was resurrected, not that he ever gives a shit.

-Third big reveal of Darkseid. Come on, you've shown him three times now. We've heard him talk.

-And this does the same thing as Josstice League with Superman being more powerful than the rest of the JLA put together. Here, he even no-sells Steppenwolf's axe. He just lets it hit him and it doesn’t do shit. So Doomsday could kill him, but Steppenwolf can't even scratch him. And yet Wonder Woman seems pretty evenly matched with both, if not outclassed by Steppenwolf.

-Barry Allen spends the whole climax running in a circle. And he fails at it! Dude's really retarded when he doesn't have Team STAR Labs cheering him on.

-He also casually travels back in time to undo his side getting a Game Over, which makes you wonder how any conflict in this universe can ever have any stakes. Say what you will about Endgame, but at least they explain why time travel can’t solve every problem they ever have.

-Hell, the Mother Boxes can bring people back to life. The example used is literally “it can turn smoke back into a house.” Why not bring Joe Morton back to life? He did a good job in T2, c’mon.

-Speaking of, according to TV Tropes, Ray Fisher got to come up with his own backstory for Cyborg (”I don't praise Chris Terrio and Zack Snyder for simply putting me in Justice League. I praise them for EMPOWERING me (a black man with no film credits to his name) with a seat at the creative table and input on the framing of the Stones before there was even a script!”), which makes it kinda hilarious that this movie’s characterization of Cyborg is that he’s a genius sports hero who also loves helping out the underprivileged.

-AND his big conflict with his dad is that Silas Stone was never there for him, as literally represented by there being an empty seat next to his mom at Vic’s big sportsball game. So apparently the black experience is indistinguishable from Austin Powers In Goldmember. Who knew?

-What else? It's weird that the narrative tries to put some importance in Martha Kent, but then in her big scene with Lois, she's really Martian Manhunter (not kidding) and when Superman is resurrected, he hears encouraging words ONLY from Jor-El and Jonathan. All she really contributes to the story is hugging Superman after he comes back.

-Also, Batman spends a lot of time in the climax shooting people with a rifle. They're bug people and it's, like, a Halo rifle, but still. You can tell Snyder's just chomping at the bit to have Batman carry around a Colt Commando.

-They give no shits about secret identities in this, so why do they still bother with putting a shitty distortion effect on Batfleck's voice? He has a pretty good Batman voice outside the suit, but once he puts it on, he starts sounding like he's giving a blowjob to Daft Punk.

-One of the movie’s, like, four cliffhangers is Lex Luthor telling Deathstroke about Batman’s secret identity, because Deathstroke has a private vendetta against Batman and is out to get him. Of all the Bat rogues who are solely motivated by taking out Batman--why choose Deathstroke, the guy that’s just a mercenary for hire, to characterize as simply hating Batman? (They also imply Batman took out Deathstroke’s eye and THAT’S the big feud between him and--guys. C’mon. This was really supposed to be a whole movie of Deathstroke getting revenge for his eye?)

- The movie ends with them making Wayne Manor the JLA headquarters--God, just tell me if secret identities matter or not.

-Did we really need two ‘beyond the impossible’ scenes back to back, one for Cyborg and one for the Flash?

-Oh, it’s not Arkham Asylum, it’s ‘Arkham Home For The Emotionally Troubled.’ Was this supposed to be one of those Arrowverse things where they call it Starling City for a while, only to rebrand it Star City because that’s somehow better than just calling it Star City in the first place?

- "[Snyder] also said that the reason Darkseid lost track of which world the Mother Boxes were left on was because he was gravely injured and their forces sent limping away, and upon returning to Apokolips had to fight a civil war for the throne (possibly the event hinted where Steppenwolf betrayed him), wherein their records were lost." Imagine having a movie four hours long and not explaining the fucking backstory.

[itsactuallyunlocked]

ND culprit (written) tier list

@an-american-teen-against-crime made a ranking of all the culprits based on presentation and level of iconicness, and I had some of my own thoughts, so I decided to make a written tier list. Lotta spoilers below the cut!

Mitch/"det Beech": Mitch gets an F for not even being in the game. Detective Beech/Uncle Steve does win more points from me for being genuinely threatening at the end of the game (and honestly I didn't expect a new culprit in the remaster so he got me by surprise). B for him. Together they get C tier.

Dwayne: absolutely iconic. Absurd. Psycho. Comes back for another round later in the series. S tier.

Louis: I don't like him. The plan is weird and maybe a bit too realistic for my liking. Generally forgettable, D tier.

Lisa: also a little forgettable, but she gets props for explaining her motives and actions for the whole game. Kicks Nancy's ass and leaves her to die. B tier.

Joseph: scary in the quiet way. It's very unsettling that he's helping you but he's also holding a teen hostage in a condemned building. B tier.

Taylor: kind of pathetic, right? He makes himself sick by eating rank cookies. Locking Nancy in the monolith was very scary but nothing saves your rep when you have to run to the toilet mid-conversation. F tier.

Emily: she's quite threatening! Her plan is calculated, she makes several attempts to kill Nancy, and her final plan is to savagely beat Nance to death. Not quite iconic enough for S but a solid A tier.

Elliot: a real asshole, this one. I've had co-workers like him. The villainy is pretty good though. B tier.

Andy: I always got creepy... incel vibes?? from him. I don't like him. This is my list and he's going in C tier for being generally gross but not cunning.

Shorty: I am HAUNTED by "...here's Shorty." He seems nice, but in the way where he'd stab you in the back. And that's exactly how he is, so it's good characterization. A tier.

Jane: a literal child. She's lashing out because she's hurt and Ethel is an awful influence on her. Great twist because she's 10, bad villain because she's 10. C tier.

Marion: not bad. It's a good reveal, and a decent plot. B tier.

Lori: I love this game but damn Lori is a bad culprit. She doesn't even decide to be a villain until the very end. F tier.

Minette: I like her crazy bitch energy. It's fun that for most of the game she's discount Miranda Priestly, then at the end you find out she's actually a villain. B tier.

Mike/Pua: hard to say. The plot of the game gets a lil incomprehensible, but I'd say they're decent. C tier.

Yanni: he got that thicc ass. Okay besides that, he came up with that story about his grandmother being eaten by wolves??? Fantastic. A tier.

Renee: kind seeming with a dash of threatening. Love her wild convictions. S tier.

Helena: solid villain. Girl is in. charge. Also she knows to get out while the getting's good. B tier.

Okay, if Fiona was actually a villain who was scheming and trying to hurt ppl, she would be S tier. She's not though. No bad intentions, D tier for villainy.

Okay so. I might've made a case for this one, but it's pretty majorly racist, so it's an automatic F tier.

Corine: she's real mean! Great villain for a high school setting. A tier.

Scott: I literally don't remember him. F tier.

Rentaro: I liked him :( but he's a terrible boyfriend. The plotting and execution are really good though, it's just the motivations that don't make sense. B tier for the horrifying yurei robot.

Anja: oh yeah she's golden baby. S tier. Until we meet again girlfriend!!

Brenda: she's a big bitch. Her and Toni are megabitches. Plot is okay, not great. C tier.

Abdullah: huge energy, but what did he really do? That's kinda Abdullah in a nutshell though. C tier.

Victor: they just wanted a twist villain. He's decently menacing for the five minutes he's around. Killed a guy. Still D tier.

Clara: the backstory is phenomenal. I like her constantly standing around brooding. S tier.

Ewan: kind of boring but he did presumably have a lot going on in the background. An actual terrorist. Still C tier.

Kiri: I don't get what her deal was. F tier.

Xenia/Thanos: yeah they're S tier.

Soren: I honestly don't remember him that well. He was threatening at the end there. C tier.

I remember NONE of the characters from this game, I don't remember the culprit, and I don't think they really mattered. FFF tier.

[justal0wk3yg4mer]

Things I’ve Said: Infamous Second Son (Spoilers)

Me:                                                                                                                        *Player/My actions*                                                                                            Character Dialogue

‘Bio-Terrorists’? You’re not using that term properly.

*Follows the instruction on the screen.*                                                      What am I-                                                                                                 *Shakes my controller and it actually makes a paint can sound.*            Holy shit I’m a vandal! :D

Betty is a fucking OG!

Wow that line was so cringe. You regretted that immediately didn’t you Delsin?

Bro, that is in your leg! That is in your-- Oh my lord.

Betty you are an angel, imma fuck that bitch up for you.

I don’t wanna scream drugs every time Delsin drains something, it doesn’t really fit. Maybe juice? Juice? Yeah, juice.

Got it. Can’t shoot worth a damn.

I am so sorry. I blew up the T-Rex.

*Tracking an autolog.*                                                                               It’s okay guy, I’m playing Pokemon.

His punkass says its a nice day for a climb. The Space Needle is over 500ft, I’d be having a fucking heart attack.

Hey, I can see the billboard I vandalized from here!

BANNER MAN? That is such a lame name, I’m crying. 

Fuck you too lady. What are you gonna do, send the DUP after me? Whoop di fucking do.

Akomish are some badass motherfuckers. Full respect.

I love how she called him ‘dear’ and not the loving kind but the ‘You are so stupid and I pity you for it’.

‘Inconspicuous’? Reggie have you seen the news; Delsin is BANNER MAN!

I’m no Sherlock but I think our sniper is a lady. If the pink stuff and bras are any indication. I could be wrong, no judgement.

Do I really have to take a picture of bras before Reggie gets a clue?

Again, no Sherlock here. I think that the sniper had a brother or lover (IDK yet) that got fucked over by druggies and is now getting revenge.

Reggie, controlling people with fear/panic is how bad organizations work.

I legit forgot that I can go through doors with smoke dash.

Really hope that he is her brother. Cause this is a little obsessive for a boyfriend.

Sweetie you’re giving me a headache, just quit your bullshit and we’ll move on.

Delsin: Ugh, girls and their short attention span.                                     Me: Fuck you too, Rouge wannabe

Augustine: Delsin. You disappoint me.                                                       Me: You ain’t no gold star either bitch.

Look out Lantern District, BANNER MAN is here!

Y’all literally let this woman be in charge? She made a bunch of scary lookin’ towers in the middle of your city?!?! That is villian MO in my opinion.

*Saves a suspect.*                                                                                    You’re welcome :)                                                                                        *DUP pull up and start attacking.*                                                           Well fuck me!

*Trying to open a DUP command center.*                                             Come on open up for mommy...........ew, why the fuck did I say that?

That is such a wacky and upbeat ringtone and I want it.

What kind of angels and demons BS is this?

Yo, I’m white now. No, wait no my jacket. My jacket is white now. I’m a good boy.

Reggie no. You’ll get bullied.

Teen angel? That’s adorable.

Hank is alive? Plot device, Hank is a plot devices and I don’t like that. Something is gonna happen.

Hank you dick. Lemme guess, you bugged the phone?

What do you mean Hank? WHAT DOES AUGUSTENE HAVE ON YOU?!?!

Reggie you’re as bad as a Katy Perry’s Hot and Cold song.

Well actually Reggie, this is Seattle and you are a county sheriff. Technically, you have no jurisdiction here.

Yo! Reggie with that interference, atta boy Reg!

No. No. No, do not do this. Don’t you fucking do this to Delsin and Reggie!                                                                                                    *Reggie dies.*                                                                                        Well, I’m gonna kill a bitch.

Aw, leave Eugene alone. He’s having fun.

That’s called kidnapping lady. Get your facts straight.

No, finish her first then-- *Delsin takes her hand.*--you can take her powers. Cause we need power.....to get abilities.......without it.......we are vulnerable....like how we are.....right now. Great talk. 

WTF, in what world does a rock crab make sense to you?!?!?!

KARMA BITCH!!

Aw Betty, you sweet woman. Look how happy she is! 

I had a lot of fun playing this game, I was gettin’ some X-men vibes but it was still a good game. And it was the first game that I actually succeeded in getting all items and upgrades in my first play through. I’m pretty sure you guys already know what the word of this post is, and I did say it a lot just because of how many times I had to drain things. 

JUICE!!: 605   

[ethelphantom]

To Annoy the Hell out of Everyone

Maribat March day 11, Best Friends. Platonic Jasonette. Have fun!

Oohhhh and a possible TW: Implied/referenced racism and bullying, both mentioned just in passing, though both times it’s mentioned in a context where Jay and Mari are helping in at least some kind of way (that works), so y’know. Also, it isn’t explicit, but it could be triggering to someone so I have to mention it just in case. And also, I don’t think the work is angsty anyway, so yeah. 

Ao3

This is Maribat -- don’t like; don’t read.

__________________________

Marinette doubled over laughing as she listened to Jason tell what he'd been told.

“Do they seriously think we’re dating?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Oh my god. This is too hilarious.”

“You’re right, Pixie. Like, first of all, why? Second of all, okay, maybe I can see why. Third, ew — you’re basically my sister.”

“Right back at you."

“Well, it’s not like they would believe either of us even if we tried to tell them.”

Marinette shrugged. “You’re right, but still. Ew. Disgusting. I love you but like, I’d never date you unless it was to get a jerk to stop flirting with me.”

Jason just snorted and pulled Marinette closer to himself to be able to hug her. “Well, regardless, it’s how it is, and knowing who think so, it’s become a rumour at this point, and the entire school will probably think so within a week. We might as well make the best of it. We won’t even need to lie and say they’re right, just stay quiet and neutral about that specific matter.”

“Such as?”

“Well, for example, we’ll simply get to laugh at whatever outlandish theories they may have about how we got together as we ‘refuse to tell anyone’. Then, as everyone’s either scared of us or respects us, we can have them leave the Demon brat alone once and for all. I mean, he’s god knows how many classes below us, but it’s still the same school, and if someone thinks they’ve disappointed one of us, well.”

She seemed to consider it before her eyes lit up. “Yes. And we can also annoy the hell out of Dick, Damian, Tim and Bruce at home if we pretend to be a couple in love. Like, no kisses or stuff, and they know we’re not dating anyway so that’s good, but imagine the frustration.”

“Yes.”

❋❋❋

“Can you please not?”

“What do you mean, Dickiebird?”

Dick shot a pointed look at the self-proclaimed siblings acting like they were in love, holding hands the entire time, giving one another romantic gifts (chocolate in heart-shaped boxes, rose macarons and actual roses, mostly), and now they were sharing food.

They literally had platefuls of the same food, it was completely unnecessary.

So okay, Dick loved them both, they were like demon twins or something, but gosh, could they be frustrating. The two of them were definitely going to be the reason his hair went white one day.

Bruce’s hair too, probably.

Tim had already excused himself from the table after the third extravagant love confession accompanied by cheesy romantic music and too many red tulips and yarrows. Damian was gritting his teeth as he’d made a bet with Tim about how he wouldn’t be able to not yell or scream or raise his voice in general or make a scene at the dinner table for a week, and he was struggling. Alfred had simply sighed and went to get them more food, as well as a vacuum in case someone threw a glass at the wall.

He could actually see Marinette and Jason snickering under their breaths.

The only good thing about any of this was that Damian had said the kids who had called him a terrorist and used other racist remarks of him had come to apologise, looking like kicked puppies who were very afraid of their next move, as though someone scary would kick them again. He had some kind of an idea why this was happening, so maybe letting them be like this at least for a while was a good idea. It could make Damian's life a little easier, at least.

But, if Dick had any say in any of this (he probably did not), he was going to have a word or two with whoever had made his little siblings like this once he was sure Damian wouldn't be bothered anymore.

This needed to end.

(Maybe. It was also kind of funny. But still. He needed more cereal to be able to deal with this.)

_________________

@kris-pines04​ @thethirdwheelfriend @daminett4life @abrx2002 @persephonebutkore @rebecarojas07 @corabeth11​ @freshbark @maribat-march2020 @catsandfanfic @fertileleaf @eat0crow @cutechip

[acciostorian]

mae reads the kane chronicles: the serpent’s shadow the red pyramid

(aka we see mae go through many emotions in the space of 2-3 days)

holy fuck ive only got to the contents and the chapters have those classic pjo click bait titles i’m so happy rn

WAIT IM SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT- the serpent’s shadow is the THIRD BOOK. uh-oh i almost fucked this whole series over lemme change the book real quick....

i’m literally on the first page and i’ve already been sent on a mission, so the kanes are THOSE bitches

SADIE AND KANE ARE BRITISH???? omg yes please

THEYRE IN LONDON MY HOME

never fucking mind they’re from LA

oh wait sadie was raised as a british kid. that’s very sexy of her.

carter be like, “you wouldn’t be interested in my dad’s lectures.” SHUT UP CARTER I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT EGYPTIAN PUNISHMENT

so sadie was raised in east london???? THATS SO SEXC BECAUSE ME TOO BOO

sadie has a british accent. a b r i t i s h a c c e n t.

FIT

“six years in london and she thinks she’s james bond” LMAO

sadie’s so emo/alt i love it. does rick always write his characters like this??

sadie pronounces it “mum” and carter says “mom”

it’s so refreshing to read mum ngl

sadie said bloke omg

i’m feeling carter’s pain. little sisters are shits and honestly sadie has the same vibes as my little sister and me and carter are quite similar. i hate this.

oh wow they really said sadie was too white for their family...

sadie did not HESITATE to be like, “yeah dad we’ll lock that guy in his office. mint.”

sadie telling the story is an experience

sadie said “maths” and “mates” in the same sentence. this is some refreshing shit.

sadie’s friends saying carter is hot is fucking hilarious. like it’s a classic piss-off to thirst over your mate’s sibling

THEYRE GETTING DEPORTED????

LMAO AMOS WAS LIKE, “yeah we don’t talk about manhattan. they’ve got their own problems. *cough percy jackson cough*”

i read thoth the god of knowledge as thot the god of knowledge

carter is right, amos has undeniable swag

philip of macedonia. the crocodile. cool.

i love how the greeks and romans be like “if we don’t honour the gods we’ll get SLAUGHTERED” and the egyptians are like “you know what? fuck the gods me and my homies hate the gods”

sadie kane would stab you in a back alley and dance to mcr as you bled to death and carter kane would take you to a museum, tell you everything about everything and then commit a terrorist attack

amos really went “don’t touch anything, the cats in charge and peace out bitches” and then fucking jumped off the balcony of his five storey mansion

sadie made that door go BANG

that fucking clay statue came to life and not one of them screamed. I WOULD SHIT MYSELF.

i’m giggling, all the greek/roman gods have really long/scary/cool sounding names like tartarus and chaos and nyx but the evilest guy in egyptian myth is called set. S E T.

please make muffin some crazy badass animal like crookshanks or swiftwind.

WHO DARES THROW HANDS WITH PHILIP?????

THE SHABTI FUCKING STOLE AN ARTEFACT THATS AMAZING

i love carter sm, even tho he’s scared as fuck he still picked up that ancient sword and was like “ig i’ll bash some heads in whilst sadie holds the cat”

MUFFIN JUST TURNED INTO SOME WARRIOR CAT LADY AND SHE INSTANTLY GAVE ME CATRA VIBES

every cat in new york is helping them

bast jacked that car like it was nobody’s business

i used to think the greek gods were stupid for having so many things to control but honestly the egyptians are taking the piss, do you really need a whole scorpion goddess?

the kane siblings are written so well. like i actually BELIEVE they’re siblings

i think carters gonna become a comfort character now... like i relate on another level. little siblings always take the spot light and you have to act level headed and calm because the younger ones start shit and you’re like “i gotta be the good one because my family would fall to shit if i didn’t behave.” so big kudos to carter, i love you

so carter’s a king huh? I DIDNT NEED YOU TO TELL ME THAT RICK I ALREADY KNEW HE WAS

zia was like “king tut?? ugh he was such a boy, there were waaaaay cooler tombs out there x x”

i read “nectanebo II” as “nintendo II” and i was like ??? when was that a thing

i drinking camomile tea whilst reading this and i feel so peaceful uwu

sadie really can do magic like THAT like bitch be like “i just copied what zia did and yeah it worked lol”

okay so i’m sorta feeling bad about sadies life rn but i’m still very pro carter

set’s laugh makes me uncomfortable. because when most villains laugh it’s usually described like “their laugh was like a knife, cold and sharp. i hates it.” but when sadie discribed set’s laugh she was like “it was warm and friendly. beautiful.” LIKE AAAA THATS A RED LIGHT

set: the god of theatre because gods dam is he a good actor

sadie saw some hot emo guy and was like “omg marry me”

iskandar be like “lmao imma speak in alexandria greek all the time but this girl bouta die? i switch to perfect english for dramatic effect”

woooOooaaaah SLOW DOWN THERE BUDDY, tongue tattoos???

zia: you guys will probably suck at this at first but oh well we all can’t be great

sadie: *makes fire first time* wooosh

sadie and kane: *doing cool shit* me and my tea: sluuuurrrp

bast is so sassy i love it

me when it’s a sadie chapter: okay ig :/

me when it’s a carter chapter: HOLY SHIT CARTER HEY OMG YOURE DOING CRAZY STUFF???? COOL. i love you.

bast: so yeah, you’d be stupid to teleport to paris, this is desjardin’s home territory

sadie and kane, lying in the streets of paris: oh cool cool

sadie: like i might die rn but i don’t care, as long as it doesn’t get filmed and put in youtube, that would be embarrassing

like ???? sis get your priorities together smh

sadie: *sees hot emo guy again in her spirit adventure, he hints that’s he’s dead or something*

also sadie: so will i see you again?

“no, an egyptian drink. you’ve heard of hot chocolate? this is rather like hot vanilla.” dam now i want some.

carter is an amazing older brother. he’s written perfectly and he’s a great character to relate to for me. even though sadie can make his blood boil, he dropped everything to calm her down when she was panicking about not being able to change back from a bird. i too have to do that for my little sister - sadie and ava are ironically the same age - so i find that very comforting that there is someone like me to relate to!

‘a businessman with a rolling suitcase was waiting by the doors. his eyes widened when he saw me. i must’ve looked pretty strange — a tall black kid in dirty, ragged egyptian clothes, with a weird box tucked under one arm and a bird of prey perched on the other.

‘“how’s it going?” i said. “i’ll take the stairs.” he hurried off.’ LMAO THIS IS WHY CARTER BABY I LOVE YOU

highkey pissed that carters like “i’m always edgy around the police. once i turned eleven they started giving me the Look. when it doesn’t happen it’s always a pleasant surprise.” LIKE FUCK NO HE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO WALK AROUND UNHASSLED WHATS WRONG WITH HIM

lmao bast be like “imma jump off this national monument. see ya at the airport in my finest clothes and jewellery x”

FOOD UPDATE: i’m eating a chocolate covered waffles and having some tea and i feel so happy rn sorry i know you don’t care but like aaaaaaa

bast called carter her little tomcat and my heart exploded

bast really likes convertibles huh

thoth: i hate rereading my old writing, my present self would never write like this now!! SOMEONE GET ME A RED PEN

are they... are they going to dig up elvis presley?

might put some elvis in for this part, y’know, to set the mood?

i cant stop reading ‘thoth’ as thot even though i know how to pronounce it

the captain with a axe for a head: my name is bloodstained battle axe 😸

yuh bast did some shit ...

imma stop now because spoilers, GO READ THE KANE CHRONICLES THEY ARE THE MOST UNDERRATED RIORDANVERSE BOOKS X X

[kingofattolia]

Siege of Mandalore Part I

what WAS that first bit????

i???

Anakin literally pulling Obi-Wan’s old trick from the Battle of Christophsis

Rex understands binary because it’s a NECESSARY SURVIVAL SKILL when you fight under Anakin

the jet packs!!!1 mando heritage rights!!

kind of bummed that there’s apparently not going to be very much Obi-Wan action in this whole mini season, which I get because he’s supposed to have his own show coming up. still kind of bummed

“General.....?” “Yes, Cody, you can join the fun.” 

THAT EXCHANGE HAS SUCH “MOOM CAN I HAVE SOME QUARTERS TO PLAY GAMES AT THIS RESTAURANT ARCADE” ENERGY

Saw Gerrera was the first Fulcrum

the SILENCE

Anakin’s SPEECHLESSNESS

“How are you? WHERE are you? Are you okay?” 

He’s so VULNERABLE especially compared to the cocky show we just got and she’s so guarded and business-oriented sjfhfmghfmgjghgh. It’s too scary and painful for her to jump right back into their relationship, when she still doesn’t know where she stands, so it absolutely makes sense that she’s protecting herself. But STILL AAHHHH I’M EMO. HE’S TRYING SO HARD. HE JUST WANTS HER BACK. 

Official confirmation that the Jedi still consider Maul a “Sith Lord” of some kind, which is important to me if only for metadata reasons

“IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW...” Anakin’s aggressive rationalizing ghgmphghp. Is this about his own hopes to leave the Order at some point? Is this him desperately trying to tell himself, hey, it’s not all my fault, it was meant to be? Something else? Porque no los dos????

“I am... cautiously optimistic.”

THE REMIXED FORCE THEME... ARTOO ZZZOOMING TO SAY HI... I’M WRECKED... BAYBEE

“We’ll have to catch up later.” I’M WEEPING... HE’S CRUSHED...

The way Obi-Wan’s eyes immediately dart between Ahsoka’s holo and Anakin. I’m sure he’s happy to see her too but he’s ABSOLUTELY running in “yes I will be the rational one and facilitate this exchange as an official and unofficial diplomat role while everyone else is busy freaking out” mode

Ahsoka: *professional briefing voice* I was able to get some access codes on Oba Diah--   Anakin, stage whispering: What were you doing on Oba Diah?!? Ahsoka, stage whispering back even though everyone else in the room is 2 inches away and can absolutely hear both of them: That’s a long story and not really relevant right now!!! Bo Katan, loudly: ANYWAY--

THE UNDERCURRENTS. THE TENSION. Ahsoka and Anakin’s... whole thing. Ahsoka working with Bo-Katan, who she knows is a terrorist and murderer. Obi-Wan and Bo-Katan after what they went through in The Lawless. How much unspoken pressure can four people hold?!??! We’re About To Find Out

“We would effectively be entering yet another war.” “What’s one more?”

Oof. This exchange is brutal. And the way Anakin breaks in with “Well, see, we haven’t finished our first one yet” and everyone looks at him like hush, the adults are talking MPHGMFPHGMFRJGJ

“You two certainly haven’t changed.” “Is that a bad thing?” [ME DISTANTLY SCREAMING INTO MY HANDS] ....HOW UNCONSCIOUSLY PORTENTOUS CAN YOU GET... I’M IN SO MUCH PAIN

THE 501st... the lightsabers... THEY LOVE HER... and they really did break out the orange paint just 4 hours before she showed up didn’t they

Wow that Obi-Wan/Ahsoka argument made me sad. I can’t even be funny about how sad it made me. He loves you, don’t use him as a proxy for everyone who ever disappointed you :(

THAT. ACTION SCENE

I am weak and predictable and a very, very easy touch and I LOVE TO SEE AHSOKA’S BODY COUNT CLIMB

Yes, I skipped back to watch it twice. Maybe more than twice.

“Race you to the surface!” Rex’s cackle lol. He’s so happy to see her.

Love to return to my childhood home and watch clones die every day as I did in the halcyon days of my youth

Here... we... go...

Yes, it took me more than an hour to watch a 27 minute episode