#old steve lived a whole life without bucky and bucky is just expected to pick up where they left off

[flyingappa]

just saw a post about endgame and i am now obligated to rehash the same rant i have every time i think about that movie

as a writer it is so, so fucking personal to me the way they absolutely WRECKED steve’s character. i have other issues with the movie, plot holes and implausibilities that were glossed over for the glory of the culmination of an unprecedented decade-long creation of such an intricate web of plot and character and meaning. i think the movie, as an event, was cool as hell, but i have many bones to pick with it, most especially steve FUCKING rogers going back in time.

how are you gonna look an entire fandom, millions of people, in the eye, and deliberately throw out YEARS of character development and the literal basis of his character?

how are you going to tell me that steve “if I see a situation pointed south, I can't ignore it” rogers, steve “i had ‘em on the ropes” rogers stepped away from the biggest fight of his life, from rebuilding a world that needed him more than ever, to go back in time and, what, retire to the countryside with his old flame? am i expected to believe that he just sat down and watched history play out, without doing anything to prevent the tragedies? to save his friends before they ever even come into existence? to save BUCKY?

how are you going to tell me that steve “til the end of the line” rogers, who spent at least 3 movies and over 70 years relentlessly fighting his way back to bucky, just ended the line of his own volition???

and what about peggy? if we’re to believe he truly loved her, and also respected her as a person and was generally the embodiment of chivalry and also a good man, how are we supposed to believe that he interrupted her life? she was one of the few people he had after coming out of the ice; he knew she lived a full life without him and found a love of her own. he knew about all the accomplishments she and her whole ass HUSBAND had. how are we supposed to believe that the man who threw himself onto a grenade when he was still 90 pounds soaking wet could do something so selfish as to reinsert himself into peggy’s life, knowing she had built another?

also, once again: BUCKY. whether you think their relationship is romantic or purely platonic, they are undeniably soulmates and have spent lifetimes trying to find each other. and they are finally in a time where they can both heal and be happy and be together, in whatever capacity, and steve just threw that away? NO!!

mcu canon is dead to me; it’s been over 4 years and i am STILL ANGRY

[whitewoofs]

Anamnesis | Word Count - 11294

In the wake of Steve Rogers' seemingly heart-wrenching decision to leave Bucky Barnes behind and reunite with Peggy Carter in the past, Bucky grapples with the agonizing belief that Steve chose a life without him. Years later, a startling discovery leads Bucky to a secret facility where he finds Steve, his memories wiped, trapped among others whose lives have been usurped by Skrulls. As Bucky strives to rekindle their lost connection, he faces a daunting question: Can he help Steve remember their shared history and love, or will they forever remain friends in a world forever changed? AO3

“Babe!” Bucky called from the bedroom, just as Steve was getting ready to leave. He smiled to himself, sure this was another ploy to get him to come back to bed, but he had to go and speak to Bruce.

“I’ll be back soon,” he promised, picking up his keys.

“No, I need your help! I think I pulled a muscle, I can’t move.” Bucky sounded genuinely distraught and Steve rushed back into the bedroom, finding Bucky flat on his back. “It hurts when I try to sit up, but it’s really uncomfortable lying this way, help me roll on my side please,” he begged, his piercing blue eyes staring at Steve pitifully.

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry, I thought you were just trying to get me to come back to bed,” he apologized as he wrapped his arms around Bucky, who promptly pulled him down on top of himself and kissed him deeply, grinding his crotch upward so Steve could feel his hard-on.

“Mmmm, you were right, but isn’t this worth it? You don’t want to leave me here suffering, do you?” he asked huskily, kissing Steve’s neck, his hands running up under his t-shirt, marveling at how perfect it felt every time they touched. It never got old, he never lost the sense of wonder at how happy and whole this made him feel. Desire curled through him like smoke and he rolled them over, so he was on top, looking down into Steve’s glorious pale blue eyes, kissing his cheekbones, his lips, working at getting his t-shirt removed so he could lick the delicious divots above his clavicles. “Stay a while,” he suggested huskily, “And make love to me.”

Steve knew it was useless arguing. His partner was an incorrigible brat, who always got his way. They’d known each other so long that he knew exactly which buttons to push, and after believing for years that Bucky was dead, Steve was always worried about squandering a single moment. The fact that touching Bucky felt like coming home and bursting into flame at the same time didn’t help matters.

“I’m going to be late,” he put up a token protest.

“But you’ll be very satisfied,” Bucky promised, kissing his way down Steve’s torso, his fingers already unbuttoning his jeans.

“Buck,” Steve groaned, but they both knew he wasn’t going anywhere. Steve’s fingers tangled in Bucky’s soft, dark hair, his breathing already fractured and Bucky hadn’t even taken off his pants yet. He’d always expected that eventually they’d grow used to this, to making love whenever they felt like it, not needing to sneak around like they did in the 40’s and they were in the Howling Commandos. He expected them to be like most couples, settling into comfort as the initial fervent passion raged and spent itself, but every time still felt like the first. Like his dreams were all being granted and he was strapped to the world’s most exciting ride.

He’d once admitted that to Bucky, who’d lifted a sardonic eyebrow and responded, “You are, we can get actual straps if you want.” He loved this man so much. The darkness from the time after he believed Bucky had died when he fell from the train still haunted his dreams frequently. Or, for some variety, he’d go back to the day Bucky was dusted, and the five years he’d spent believing he’d lost Bucky a second time. On these nights he’d be the one to wake Bucky, making love to him slowly, driving him wild with his hands and mouth until Bucky was a trembling mess in his arms, reassuring himself that Bucky was here with him and they had time enough to savor each other.

“Oh my God,” Steve groaned when Bucky licked up his shaft, teasing the frenulum with his tongue, those mischievous eyes sparkling up at him.

Bucky let go of his favorite lollipop for a moment and grinned cockily, “If you really have to go though…” he drawled.

Steve narrowed his eyes at Bucky, “Don’t you dare stop now,” he growled.

“Yes, Sir!” Bucky said happily, diving right back in, using his mouth with the kind of exuberance reserved for doing things you truly enjoyed. Steve was never sure if it felt so incredible because Bucky’s mouth was just that talented, or because he so obviously loved every moment, making Steve feel a thousand feet tall.

“Babe, I’m going to cum,” Steve warned and Bucky’s eyes smoldered up at him, the corners of his mouth tilting up slightly. He’d told Steve a thousand times that he loved his cum, loved the taste and consistency, loved the idea that swallowing it put a piece of Steve inside him, but Steve still warned him every time, as if this would be the day he’d suddenly not want to swallow anymore. He grabbed Steve’s hand with his real one, eyes closing in pleasure for a moment when the first pulse of Steve’s amazing cock ejected his sperm into Bucky’s mouth. Their eyes locked again and remained devotedly fixed on one another until Steve was done. He pulled Bucky up, hugging him to his chest and kissed him fervently.

“I love you so much,” he breathed, his hand lightly stroking Bucky’s penis, smiling when his boyfriend groaned, lifting his hips, pushing his groin toward Steve’s hand.

Steve reached into his bedside drawer and pulled out the vibrating cock sleeve, slipping it over Bucky’s dick, kissing the tip gently while he lubed up his own penis, rubbing some around Bucky’s anus. “I want to look into your eyes,” he told Bucky, their hands entwined as he lowered his mouth to his lover’s, sliding into him slowly, his tongue delving into Bucky’s mouth, ravaging him.

He turned the sleeve on, catching Bucky’s gasp in his mouth, relentlessly thrusting, his heartrate increasing with each propulsion, Bucky’s eyes growing darker with desire, his legs wrapping around Steve’s waist, trying to pull him even deeper. He wanted to meld them into one being, to know they’d never be separated again. He wanted to be doing this every moment of every day, being as close to Steve as it was humanly possible, inconceivable pleasure firing through all his synapses, building to the inevitable explosion, the moment when they both break into bits and absorb a little more of one another.

“Fuck!” Bucky screamed, ejaculating forcefully when he felt Steve release inside of him. “I love you; I love you so much, holy shit how does it keep getting better?” he murmured.

Steve turned off the sleeve, removing it before it became uncomfortable and lay down next to Bucky, pulling his head on to his chest, his fingertips grazing Bucky’s shoulder, causing goosebumps to pop up.

“Tell me you’re going to be fine,” Bucky requested softly and Steve tilted his head back, looking deep into his eyes.

“I’m going to be fine. I’ll be back before you have time to miss me.”

Bucky sighed; he knew there was no way to convince Steve not to do this. They’d discussed returning the infinity stones the night before, agreeing together that it was the safest course of action, to avoid anomalies on the timeline. He also knew Steve was the obvious choice. None of that made him feel less anxious.

“Let’s just stay here, you can talk to the other Avengers tomorrow,” Bucky suggested.

Steve kissed the top of his head, “It’s going to be fine; you’ll see. I love you, I’ll always come back to you.”

~~~

Bucky stared at the time portal, his eyes like burning coals, “Where the hell is he?” he asked, glaring at Bruce who looked bewildered. Steve should have been back by now, unless something went wrong, but he was sure they would have had some sign on this side if something happened.

Sam put his arm on Bucky’s shoulder, “We’ll wait, he’ll be back.” They sat in the New Avengers facility for hours, Bucky staring at the portal with dry, burning eyes, remembering the sweat running down Steve’s neck while he was thrusting into him earlier, the love in his gaze, the strength of his grip. Why wasn’t he coming back?

“Let’s go for a walk,” Sam suggested after another hour had passed. Bucky refused at first, but eventually he had to move, before he tore the place apart.

They walked in silence, neither of them had any words that would lessen their fear, or provide an explanation for why Steve wasn’t back. Sam spotted the shield first, Bucky was like a sleepwalker, unaware of his surroundings, all of his thoughts turned inwards. He nudged Bucky, pointing to the old man on the bench. It had to be a toy, some kind of replica, but they went over anyway, incapable of ignoring what seemed like an omen on today of all days. The moment he looked into the man’s eyes, Bucky knew. He didn’t care, it didn’t matter that Steve was old, he’d take any time he had left with him, no matter what he looked like.

“My love,” Bucky said, falling to his knees, “What happened? How are you here, why didn’t you come back through the portal?” he was fighting tears and losing the battle. “It doesn’t matter, you’re here. I thought I’d never see you again.” He tried to hug Steve, who gently, but firmly, pushed him away.

Steve glanced at Sam and rose from the bench, “Sam, I need to talk to you, please wait here,” he requested, walking down towards the lake.

Bucky followed, feeling like an electric current was running over his skin, his mind buzzing with white noise. It was Steve’s eyes, but the emotion was gone. The love that had been there that morning, had melted away. Steve stopped and turned to Bucky, his grey hair and lined face was unimportant, all Bucky saw was the pity in his gaze.

“I saw Peggy when I went back,” Steve said and Bucky felt nauseous. They’d spoken about her before, with Steve always insisting he’d only ever loved Bucky, that she was a wonderful woman, who’d been sweet to him when he felt like a nobody, but he only had one true love and he was with him. “I decided to stay with her. You were always just a placeholder for her Buck.” Steve kept talking, but Bucky couldn’t hear the words, he felt like he’d imploded and was falling apart in slow motion, finally slumping to the ground. Steve touched his shoulder for a moment, then turned away and walked over to Sam.

~~~

No matter how many times he wished he’d died that day, Bucky was still alive, had lived with the constant ache of loneliness for years. The feeling that something was missing never quite left him. He wanted to go back to the day when he fell from the train and launch himself headfirst into the canyon, leaving nothing for Hydra to find and resuscitate.

He and Steve had made love that morning too, quietly and secretively squashed into Bucky’s narrow bunk, careful not to let anyone hear them. Worried about what the world would do if they found out Captain America was gay. Making promises about a future they weren’t sure they could have, but longed for wholeheartedly. Steve used to have nightmares about that day, and the dusting, saying he couldn’t survive losing Bucky again, terrified that something would rip them apart. None of it made sense, it hurt without end. Bucky understood the pain of being the one left behind now, but he’d never left Steve willingly. Steve chose to leave him.

Sam had tried over the years to get him to date again, but Bucky couldn’t stand the thought of being with anyone else. He couldn’t even get himself to have meaningless sex when it was freely offered. He’d tried once or twice, but couldn’t get as far as letting his lips touch theirs, never mind taking off his clothes. He attempted to drink the pain away, but gave up eventually; no matter how much he drank, his enhanced metabolism meant he couldn’t get drunk. Nothing helped, nothing eased his aching soul.

Smiling felt anathema to him, like something that couldn’t ever have belonged on his face. He never went looking for Steve, it would have been pointless and he had no desire to look into eyes that always used to shine with love for him, and suddenly see very different emotions there. He had his answer, at least he didn’t have to spend his life waiting and hoping, he suspected that would have been worse. And life carried on, as it inevitably does, whether he was shattered or not.

Sam knew that Bucky lost so much more than his life partner the day Steve left. He lost faith in himself, as well as the ability to believe that anyone truly cared about him. He accepted nothing on face value anymore and kept a wall between himself and everyone else. He still saved people, but he’d moved out of the house he and Steve had bought together, and into a tiny, dark, depressing studio apartment, furnished with the bare necessities. Sam kept showing up unannounced, knowing if he called ahead Bucky would make sure he wasn’t home. He didn’t take it personally; he was the one who had to try and get Bucky back to the tower when geriatric Steve left.

Bucky kept repeating, “It was always her. He never loved me.”

He disappeared for a while, telling nobody that he was leaving and when he eventually returned, he looked like the same person, but the sarcastic, funny, warm Bucky was gone, replaced by someone somber, who never smiled and barely cared about his appearance. He worked out like a madman and fought like a machine. It took a long time for some semblance of warmth to return to his eyes.

Sam was hammering at Bucky’s door, a six-pack of beer in his free hand, when he got the call about the warehouse full of pods. He tried not to take it personally when Bucky opened up and looked relieved to hear they had to go. They stared around the huge space in horror, the number of people replaced by Skrulls were staggering.

“Holy shit,” Bucky muttered, “All these people have been drained of their memories, their lives stolen from them.” He felt awful for thinking it may not have been so bad if it happened to him. Steve may never have truly cared about him, but Bucky knew his own feelings had been as real as anything could ever be and he could never bring himself to regret the time they’d had together.

Even if it did end up smashing him to smithereens.

SHIELD agents were scurrying around, opening pods and helping the captives out. Most of them had been in stasis so long their muscles had atrophied and they had to be taken out in wheelchairs. Many woke up screaming, in the grip of panic. None of them knew who they were, where they were, or how long they’d been there. Bucky and Sam helped where they could, grateful when Thor, Bruce and Clint showed up.

“Oh, holy shit!” someone called loudly.

Sam rushed over, staring into the pod in disbelief, before screaming, “Buck! Bucky, get the hell over here.”

Bucky stood frozen, staring down into the clear blue eyes of Steve Rogers. His Steve Rogers, blond-haired, face unlined, young and gorgeous, and the implication hit him like a freight train. Steve didn’t leave him. The person who came back and blew up his existence had locked the love of his life in this pod and stolen all of his memories, ruining two lives in one full swoop, as though it meant nothing. Bucky knew there was no way Steve remembered anything, but he felt the flickering flame of hope in his chest, despite believing for years that it had been extinguished the day Steve walked out of his life.

Not Steve. A Skrull. Oh God, when did the Skrull steal his life? Had Bucky made love to the impostor? He shook that thought off, none of it mattered now, but Steve’s eyes were truly the window to his soul and Bucky felt sure that he’d never been intimate with anyone other than his Steve Rogers.

“Steve?” he asked softly, praying for a glimmer of recognition, but the beautiful face remained blank, his eyes full of confusion.

“Cap?” Sam tried, but there was nothing there. They helped him out and Bucky immediately put his arm around Steve’s back, helping him to walk.

“Do I know you?” Steve asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Nearly all your life,” Bucky said with a smile, making a decision right at that moment. He knew now that his heart had been broken by a Skrull, but for the fractures in his soul to truly close, he had to know the truth. If given the opportunity to start all over, would Steve choose him?

~~~

Sam stared at Bucky, “What the hell do you mean we can’t tell him you guys were together? Please tell me you’re not so messed up that even after finding out it was never Steve who walked out on you, you’re still going to be a miserable shadow of yourself?”

Bucky raised an eyebrow, “No Sam, please don’t hold back, tell me what you really think of me.”

Sam glared at him, but his heart lifted at the sardonic tone.

“I don’t want to force him into a mold. I’ll tell him we were childhood friends and that he’s a superhero, but I need to know man…”

Sam sighed, “I think you’re crazy, but I guess I get it. I’ll tell the others; you stay here and wait for him to wake up.”

“Trust me, I wasn’t planning on leaving,” Bucky said dryly. “Oh, and I hope there are two rooms free at the tower?”

Sam grinned, “If there aren’t I’ll build some myself.” It felt like two of the people he cared most about in the world had been returned to him today.

~~~

Bucky was sitting next to the hospital bed, his eyes drinking in the sight in front of him, tracing every inch of Steve that was visible. His large hands, so great at holding him close. The blond hair, like silk under his fingers when he pulled Steve closer for a kiss. The sculpted mouth, which expertly knew where and how to kiss his body, making him squirm and beg. The wide shoulders and hard chest, housing a heart big enough to fit the entire world in it. A heart that Steve used to say belonged to him. He hoped he would be deemed worthy again.

Steve looked at the dark-haired man sitting next to his bed. He’d been there earlier, when all the people stood around him, staring at him like he was some kind of newly discovered bug species. This guy had been there, his eyes full of so many emotions, none of which Steve understood, but it was one of the only memories he had. Everything else was blank. Steve wondered why the guy was staring so intently at the sheet covering him, almost like he wished it wasn’t there.

Bucky’s heart lifted for a moment when he glanced up and saw recognition in Steve’s eyes, but it was dashed immediately when Steve said, “You were there earlier. I’m sorry, I don’t remember your name.”

Bucky smiled, “I never got around to telling you, they were in quite a rush to get you some medical attention. I’m Bucky Barnes, we grew up in the same neighborhood, a long time ago.”

Steve tried really hard, he got the feeling that he and this Bucky had been good friends, but nothing came to him. “I’m sorry,” Steve said again.

Bucky smiled, “You have nothing to be sorry about, none of this is your fault. You may not remember yourself, but take my word for it, you’re the best person I know.” Bucky chastised himself for the emotion that had crept into his voice, but Steve didn’t seem to notice anything strange.

“You called me Steve; I gather that’s my name? The other guy called me Cap, is that a nickname, or a rank?”

Bucky grinned, “Kind of a self-proclaimed title that was eventually earned,” he joked, before starting the long tale of Steve Rogers, who went from sickly child to superhero with the help of the super serum. Bucky went up to the formation of the Howling Commandos, before declaring that was probably enough for today. He didn’t want to dredge up train accidents, being captured by Hydra, all the terrible things he’d done as the Winter Soldier, how Steve never gave up on him.

It was part of their story, but perhaps they’d be starting a new one someday, if Steve wanted to, and Bucky didn’t know if they needed to be dragging the pain of a forgotten past with them. Even if Steve never fell in love with him again, he didn’t want to saddle him with past trauma.

Steve felt calmer when Bucky was here with him. Despite having lost his memories, he could sense that they’d shared a really close bond and from Bucky’s reminiscences it seemed they’d been as close as brothers. He’d woken earlier, alone in the room, and the emptiness in his head had him shaking with anxiety. The nurse came in and gave him a sedative, looking at him with awe in her eyes, assuring him his friend would be back soon. He didn’t remember being a superhero, but it seemed everyone knew who he was. Except him.

“Can I get you anything? An iced coffee, or something other than hospital food?”

Steve shook his head, “I know the names of foods, but not what I like, isn’t that crazy? Is there something I particularly enjoyed before?”

Bucky smiled, his knowledge of Steve was encyclopedic, there was nothing he could ask him he didn’t already know.

“Do you want me to tell you, or would you prefer to make new choices?”

Steve was quiet for a moment. “Maybe you’re right. I may never regain my memories and I shouldn’t be defined by who I was before.” Bucky nodded, convinced now that he’d made the right decision.

Bucky left reluctantly when they said it was time for Steve to go to sleep. He didn’t suppose a good buddy would have insisted on sleeping in the room with him; there wasn’t really much wrong with Steve. He was back early the following morning and Steve was surprised to find his heart lifting when he walked in. Bucky looked different today. He’d shaved and cut his hair and he was wearing a pair of tight blue jeans and a form-fitting black tank top, with a black leather jacket, which he’d taken off and slung on to a chair shortly after he arrived. Steve found his eyes drawn to the bulging biceps and taut stomach again and again, chastising himself for acting inappropriately with a friend. Bucky seemed not to notice, so that was good, he assumed he just wanted to get his own body back in tip-top shape and that was the attraction to Bucky’s physique.

Bucky noticed every glance, filing them away to remember later. He’d dressed this way on purpose, he knew he looked good. He was carrying a bag of clothes and toiletries for Steve.

“How did you know my size?” Steve asked when he came out of the bathroom, freshly showered, smelling divine, wearing light blue jeans, a white t-shirt and sneakers. He’d felt a bit strange when he pulled the black boxer briefs out of the bag, knowing Bucky had picked these out for him. They fit really well.

“Staff records,” Bucky lied without compunction.

The nurse came in soon after, to let them know they were releasing Steve, with instructions to keep him hydrated and not to let him have too many rich foods for a few weeks. “His digestive system is still fragile. He should get some exercise, but don’t overdo it. Long walks are fine, but avoid jogging, weights and sprints for now. If it wasn’t for his enhanced system, he’d have been in much worse shape, but all he needs is a little time to recover and to rebuild what’s been lost.” The nurse blushed, “I mean like muscle mass and physical things. We just don’t know enough about the process the Skrulls use for memory extraction and the effect it has on humans…and he’s superhuman, so that changes everything again. I can’t venture a guess as to whether his memories will return or not.”

Bucky bristled, “He’s right here in the room, you can talk to him,” he said sharply. She turned even more scarlet and Bucky felt like an asshole for a second before brushing it aside brusquely. Steve lost his memories, not his mind, and he wasn’t a child. The fact that Steve didn’t interject with “It’s fine,” or some kind of reassurance to set the nurse at ease, let Bucky know loud and clear that he’d been bothered by it too. Steve may not have memories, but he was still sweetness and light right down to his core.

“I’m sorry, of course, I didn’t mean to... We’ve prescribed some pain medication in case of headaches, and muscle relaxants, take them as needed if you feel any discomfort, just not more than four times per day. I wish you all the best Cap…Mr. Rogers.” Bucky had to suppress a smile at that. He’d always teased Steve that he was almost a carbon copy of TV’s Mr. Rogers, the yardstick of niceness.

“Thank you,” Steve said, looking to Bucky, uncertainty foremost in his eyes.

Steve was in a hurry to get out of the hospital, but he had no concept of where he was going. Bucky assured him yesterday that he had a room at the New Avengers Tower, but he had no idea what that looked like, who the others were that lived there, or even how to get there.

“Come on, we’ll head home and get you settled,” Bucky said confidently and Steve immediately felt better.

He wasn’t alone, Bucky would take care of him.

He blinked at the noise and the brightness of the sun outside, his heart lifting a little when Bucky stopped next to a large black motorcycle.

“Your taxi awaits,” he said with a grin, handing Steve a helmet. He got on behind Bucky, uncertain where to put his hands. He gingerly placed them on Bucky’s hips, but he turned to look at Steve and warned, “You’ll want to hold on a lot tighter than that, I don’t go slow.” Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky’s waist and had to fight the incredibly strong urge to turn it into an embrace, leaning his head against Bucky’s strong back and hugging him hard. Was he being overly emotional because of the memory loss, or was he gay and harbored a secret crush on his friend? Bucky would surely have told him if they were more to each other than that? He’d chalk it up to Bucky being his pillar of strength, providing a steady foundation for Steve to stand on. He felt like he was totally unmoored when Bucky wasn’t around, scared and uncertain. His so-called attraction was obviously just emotional displacement.

Bruce and Sam were in the kitchen when they arrived, waving and calling out greetings. Bucky had asked them not to overwhelm Steve when he got there, but he was suddenly worried Steve wouldn’t know how beloved he was. “I told them to keep their distance for a bit, until you’re settled in. Sam wanted to throw a welcome home party for you, but I thought it may be a bit much to deal with right away. They’re all…we’re all, so relieved and happy to have you back. If you want the fanfare, I’ll tell him I was wrong?”

Steve shook his head, “No. Thank you, I do need a little time. I’ll definitely want to chat to them later, but I still feel so unsteady, like I’m on a small raft in the middle of the ocean and the waves are turning choppy, threatening to tip me over.”

Bucky wanted to take his hand, instead he gripped his shoulder firmly, “I’ll anchor you, the boat doesn’t need to be wobbling.” He led Steve to ‘his room’.

Bucky had filled the cupboard with clothes, having an amazing time shopping for Steve, buying the softest cashmere sweaters, and things as close as possible to the things he always loved to see Steve wear. He also couldn’t resist picking up Steve’s favorite cologne. What used to be his favorite cologne. Steve’s smell was such a huge part of Bucky’s memories, the olfactory trigger had been impossible to resist.

Steve looked around, but the room didn’t trigger anything. The clothes all looked brand-new and he wondered whether they’d thrown his stuff out. It would make sense, there was no point in hanging on to things that wouldn’t be used again. He assumed Bucky had chosen these too; he had good taste. There was a picture on the dressing table of him, Bucky and some other people in army uniforms. It was obviously old, but the two of them still looked about the same.

“Why haven’t you aged? Did they use the super soldier serum on you too?”

Bucky glanced away; he didn’t want to talk about Hydra. “A version of it, and I was cryo-frozen quite a few times. The serum doesn’t keep us from aging though. You were also encased in ice for a long time.”

Steve sat down on the bed, “Will you tell me about it?” he asked, looking up at Bucky, looking wide-eyed and lost for a moment.

Bucky wanted to pull him close and assure him he would do anything for him, but instead he nodded and sat down, “Yeah, of course.”

He skipped over his own supposed death, continuing from Steve crashing into the ice and remaining frozen in the Arctic for nearly seventy years. Steve wasn’t going to let it go that easily, he immediately picked up on the evasion.

“Who froze you?” Bucky didn’t want to open that can of worms, but how to avoid it without lying?

“A group of German scientists. You found me not too long after they unearthed you from the ice and helped me when I had no memories, it’s odd how life sometimes bring us full circle. Obviously, I’m not glad this happened to you, but I’m glad I’m here to return the favor.”

Steve looked at him seriously, “Me too,” he admitted.

Steve had a million other questions, but Bucky quickly interjected, “I’m starving and I’m sure you could do with a decent cup of coffee. How about I make us something and I’ll introduce you to Bruce and Sam. You…the Skrull, passed your shield to Sam when he came back from your mission as an old man. We’ll have to sort that out somehow, but it’s not important right now.”

Steve held up a hand, “How do you know I was the Skrull then?” he asked in confusion. Bucky cleared his throat, digging a hole and tossing his memories of that day into it, trying to bury them deep.

“You were wearing the same suit that you wore on your mission when we found you in the warehouse, so they must have caught and switched with you while you were returning the stones. It definitely wasn’t you that came back old, or you’d still be old.”

Steve nodded thoughtfully, “That makes sense. I think Sam should keep the shield and continue being Captain America. I don’t even know who I am.”

Bucky smiled, “You can make decisions like that later, and in fairness, you don’t know who he is either.”

Steve frowned, “Is he bad at it?”

Bucky laughed, “No, but please tell him I said he sucks. He’s a great guy and I kind of think he’s perfect for the job, but so were you. If you repeat any of the last bit to him, I’ll say you’re delusional,” Bucky warned with a grin. Steve’s eyes lit up at the sight of it, hoping he could make Bucky’s face do that far more often.

Bucky smiled at the sound of Steve talking to Bruce and Sam in the living room. He was as personable as he’d always been and genuinely interested in everything they had to say. Sam was telling him what an unerring moral compass he had and what a role model Steve had always been to him; probably embarrassing the hell out of Steve. Bucky was making pesto eggs. Steve used to cook it for him when they had a leisurely morning at home, staying in bed until hunger finally drove them out. It was Steve’s favorite meal in the whole world and the only thing he ever really cooked. Bucky knew his way around the kitchen far better and usually took care of dinner. He was eager to see if Steve’s tastebuds would remember. He also made a pot of coffee with freshly ground dark-roast beans. Steve’s favorite beverage.

“Breakfast’s ready!” he called, laying out the plates and two cups of coffee on the counter.

Steve looked at the green eggs suspiciously, “That smells incredible,” he said, and Bucky knew he’d choke them down and praise them, even if he hated them now.

“Thanks Buck, but we’ve already eaten,” Sam said pointedly, staring at the two plates.

“You don’t eat pesto,” Bucky shot back, “And I know Bruce already had breakfast because he was eating when I left to go to the hospital.”

Steve looked at them with a smile, it was clear that Bucky and Sam were close.

“Do I like pesto?” he asked.

Bucky shrugged, “Only one way to find out,” he said, taking a sip of his coffee.

Steve mimicked him and groaned happily, “Oh wow. Is this what it’s supposed to taste like? That’s heavenly. The stuff they gave me in the hospital was awful.”

Bucky took a bite of his eggs so he wouldn’t have to answer, his throat was feeling suspiciously scratchy. Steve put a forkful of the eggs in his mouth and closed his eyes, emitting a low hum of delight. “This is phenomenal,” he finally decreed.

All of Steve’s tastes still seemed to be the same, surely that meant he was still something Steve would like too, Bucky thought hopefully.

“It’s a gorgeous day outside, is there anything you want to do?” Bucky asked.

Steve’s brow crinkled, “I have no idea. Maybe we can just go for a walk? I’d kind of just like to get to know my surroundings a little. I must be keeping you from doing your own stuff, eventually I’ll have to start doing things alone.”

Bucky wasn’t planning on ever letting Steve out of his sight again, if he thought he could get away with it he’d get Steve one of those leashes they used on kids. He made a non-committal sound, “I don’t have anything urgent waiting for me, there’s no rush, but familiarizing yourself with the area is a good idea. It should help you feel more at ease.”

They walked down to the lake; an area Bucky hadn’t returned to in all these years. He’d forgotten how beautiful it was.

“I assume others can’t get in here?” Steve asked.

Bucky smiled, “No, the security is pretty tight. A lot of bad people would like to get their hands on the technology inside, and wiping out a few of The Avengers would be a pretty lucrative prize if they could manage it.”

Steve nodded, feeling quite content with the knowledge that they had privacy here. “Tell me some more about my past please,” Steve asked.

“Obviously I had no family left after so many years, but was there anyone I was particularly…close to?” He wanted to ask about his sexual orientation, but couldn’t quite spit it out.

“Me,” Bucky said easily.

Steve nodded, hoping for a little more information, but Bucky didn’t say anything else; there was no way to ask without asking and he didn’t want to say, And were we ever more than friends, because I kind of want to wrap myself around your body and kiss you until your head is spinning.

Bucky felt the tension and wanted to pull Steve down to the grass and beg him to use him in any way he saw fit, but he wasn’t sure if it was Steve’s sexual tension he was feeling, or his own, or if he was projecting his own feelings on to Steve. Steve had always been the dominant one in their relationship, steadfast and confident, soothing and coddling Bucky as needed. It was different having to be the one who took charge and he was constantly second-guessing himself.

“Wow, it’s really hot,” Steve said when they’d been walking for about twenty minutes, Bucky doing most of the talking and verbal acrobatics, trying to side-step anything that came too close to entering uncomfortable territory.

“Let’s go for a swim,” Bucky said immediately.

“Sure,” Steve said, turning around.

“Where are you going?” Bucky asked already pulling off his boots.

Steve turned back to look at him, “You mean here?” he asked, looking around.

“Yeah, did you imagine I meant let’s trek back to the house and use the pool? You’re hot now, aren’t you?”

Steve swallowed deeply, Bucky was pulling off his jeans and he wore the same underwear he’d bought Steve. The bulge at the front was substantial. He felt like his oxygen had been cut off, while he was screaming at himself to act like a normal person.

Bucky yanked his tank top over his head and for a minute Steve thought he’d pass out. He was perfect, flawless, and he made all kinds of somersaults turn in Steve’s stomach. To his utter horror, Steve felt his penis growing erect. He immediately sank to the ground and pulled his knees up, taking his time to untie his sneakers.

“Are you okay? You’re looking a little pale,” Bucky asked in concern.

Steve nodded frantically, “Yes! Great. I’m so good. You go in so long; I’ll be there in a minute.”

Bucky looked puzzled, but turned away and walked into the lake. Steve stared for two seconds, then forced himself to look away, desperately trying to get his hard-on under control. He couldn’t let Bucky see that; he’d know immediately. He was definitely, without any doubt, one hundred percent gay, or gay for Bucky, whichever it may be. He lusted after his best friend with a ferocity he didn’t think was normal, but the only person he’d feel comfortable asking was Bucky, and for obvious reasons that was impossible. Bucky’s ass was a work of art, with a gorgeously pronounced contour, muscular and taut, and Steve stared at the grass for a full minute before he was able to get up and remove his clothes.

Bucky watched him walking into the water, his eyes fixed on Steve’s tall frame. He’d lost no obvious muscle mass during his years in the pod, he was as beautiful as ever. Solid, dependable, incredible, home. The love of Bucky’s life. His first, last and everything. Steve finally looked up again when he was waist deep in the water, his eyes meeting Bucky’s, his heart filling with joy at the smile spreading across Bucky’s face. For a while everything else dropped away and he just relaxed into the arms of euphoria, appreciating this moment.

The sun was warm, the water cool, he was with a friend he couldn’t remember, but who stirred incredibly powerful feelings in him. Things would surely get complicated later, but for now, this minute, he was utterly content. Bucky dove under the water and reappeared in front of Steve a few seconds later, shaking his dark hair wildly, spattering drops of water all over Steve, who swept Bucky’s legs from under him and dunked him without thinking. They tussled for a while, splashing and doing their best to submerge each other, laughing and taunting all the while. Steve ran out of breath first and they got out, sitting on the grass, letting the sun’s rays dry them. There was a sense of ease between them suddenly, as if a knot of uncertainty had been untied. Steve no longer had to just take Bucky’s word for it, he knew, felt it deep in his soul, that they had always been exceptionally close and that bond wasn’t rooted simply in memories, it was part of their DNA, and nothing could ever wipe it out. Bucky felt his fears ebbing and couldn’t understand how he’d ever allowed one sentence to wipe away a lifetime of proof. Of course, Steve loved him. He should have known his Steve would never hurt him like that. Even without his memories, even if all it ever was now, was friendship, it was deep, abiding and unshakable.

“We should go on a da-ay out tomorrow,” Bucky suggested, catching himself before the word date was fully formed. “I’ll take you to two places, one will be something you’ve always loved, the other something you don’t enjoy all that much, and we’ll see if that’s still the same.”

Steve smiled, “As long as we can get coffee too, I’ll go anywhere with you.” He’d go without the coffee too, but now that he’d rediscovered the amazing, magical beans, he wanted more and he didn’t want to make Bucky uncomfortable by sounding like he wanted to follow him around like a puppy. Even though he absolutely did. The view from the back was exquisite.

They walked back to the tower slowly and Bucky grilled them some tuna and asparagus for lunch. “I think I’d better take some of those muscle relaxants, I’m feeling a little sore,” Steve admitted.

“Did I grab you too hard earlier?” Bucky asked and Sam popped his head around the door to his room.

“Oh awesome, you told him! Have you two been-“

Bucky nearly threw a lemon at his head.

“Sam! Hey! What are you talking about? Told who what?” Bucky asked manically.

Sam grimaced, realizing his mistake immediately. “Ah, haha, oh, it’s you two. I thought it was Thor and Bruce, they…Uhm, shit. I don’t think I can tell you.” He disappeared back into his room, locking the door audibly.

“That was weird, I don’t know what Thor sounds like, but neither of us sound like Bruce, do we?” Steve asked in confusion.

Bucky glared at Sam’s door before turning back to face Steve, “No, we don’t. Sam is weird, don’t mind him.”

Bucky scrolled through the streaming service and they watched Puss In Boots while eating lunch on the couch in front of the television. Steve hadn’t lost his love for animated movies either, but the pills made him sleepy and he nodded off about an hour into it. He’d been giggling like a small boy until a minute before. Bucky paused the film and pulled Steve down, so his head was resting on Bucky’s lap. He stroked his hair and rubbed his thumb over Steve’s mouth, remembering well how glorious it was to kiss those lips.

He’d loved Steve before he was a super soldier, when he was a small, scrawny kid with more daring and heart than brains, suffering from every ailment known to mankind, but determined to stand up to bullies. The way he looked had never mattered, Bucky loved who he was. He didn’t hate that Steve could swing him over his shoulder and carry him around, physically overpowering him when he really set his mind to it, pin him down and have his wicked way with him, but those were bonuses, not dealbreakers. He didn’t know what Steve would think if he woke up in this position, his hair being stroked tenderly, and he didn’t want to overwhelm him. Bucky got up as gently as he could manage and fetched a pillow for Steve’s head to rest on, lifting his feet on to the couch as well. He got a book to read and sat in the armchair next to the sleeping Steve, keeping guard, making sure he was safe.

~~~

Steve was excited about his day out with Bucky and had to keep telling himself it wasn’t a date. It felt like one to him though and he didn’t know what to wear. He didn’t want to look like he was trying too hard, but he had to make an effort. He finally chose an off-white, button-up knitted shirt and forest green chinos, with charcoal sneakers. He found a brown leather cuff in one of the drawers and took it off and put it back on a few times, before discarding it in favor of a tiger eye bracelet. He loved the cologne Bucky bought him and spritzed himself three times, before realizing that was probably too much and panicking that he was going to make Bucky’s eyes water.

Bucky found him standing bare chested, flapping his shirt out the window when he came into the room after giving a perfunctory knock. “Is this a bad time?” he asked with a lopsided grin.

Steve pursed his lips in thought. “Not great. I think I overdid it on the cologne,” he admitted.

Bucky walked closer and sniffed the air around Steve, his blood pressure rising exponentially with each deep inhalation. “I think you’re perfect,” Bucky said hoarsely, taking a quick step back.

They went for coffee first, before heading to a nearby ice-skating rink. “Do I know how to do this?” Steve asked, eyeing the sharp blades of the skates.

“Not sure, we’ll have to see,” Bucky returned, fastening his own skates. Steve was on the ice for a second before he fell for the first time. Bucky helped him up and offered his arm to balance Steve while they slowly made their way to the side-rail.

“Is this the thing I hate?” Steve asked.

Bucky laughed, “You haven’t even given it a chance yet. You’re very athletic, take your time and see if you can figure out how to balance.”

Steve gave it a go, but he didn’t think he improved much. He did enjoy it when Bucky put his arm around his waist to help him, so it wasn’t a total disaster, but he’d much rather have stayed at the coffee shop.

He tried for an hour, then shook his head, “No, enough, I don’t enjoy this.” His ass was wet and he was shivering, despite the fact that Bucky had given him his jacket to wear. “You’re swanning around like one of those people who do the shows on ice, I’m holding you back, go on and show me how it’s done, but I’m going to watch you from that bench over there.”

Bucky grinned, “Fine, I guess this wasn’t a success.”

Steve had always abhorred ice-skating, for some reason he just couldn’t get the hang of it and it frustrated him terribly. In all their years together, Bucky had only managed to get him to go skating three times. Four if he included today. It was something that came naturally to him and he showed off a little, knowing Steve was watching him.

Bucky was incredible. Steve didn’t know how he managed it, but for a fairly tall, well-muscled guy, he managed to glide around like he was weightless, the epitome of gracefulness, doing several showy twirls and looking like poetry in motion. Steve could only watch him, awed by his skill, entranced by the way he managed to contort his body. Bucky eventually left the ice, joining Steve on the bench, his lips slightly blue.

“Oh my God, you’re freezing,” Steve said, taking off the jacket and hanging it around Bucky’s shoulders, using his hands to chafe his arm. Bucky wanted to assure him he was fine, but the contact felt so good, he let Steve continue, while the body heat that was still trapped in the jacket soaked into him, Steve’s smell encircling him completely.

They went for a latish lunch, before catching the subway to Brooklyn. Bucky had booked them two easels at a popular paint bar. Their theme for the evening was Ethereal Treetops. A live jazz band was playing in the background; the bar supplied all of the painting materials and served excellent wines by the glass. Anticipation bubbled up in Steve immediately when he looked at the set-up, his fingers itching to hold the paintbrush, to use the palette to mix his colors. He already knew exactly what he wanted to paint, he wasn’t sure if it was a lost memory, or something his creativity cooked up, but he could see it so clearly. Bucky grinned when he saw the familiar far-away look in Steve’s eyes and he knew his imagination had already taken wing.

“You sit down and get started; I’m going to get us some drinks.”

Steve was a great artist and it felt so right to see him sitting there, immediately lost in his own head, plotting out his vision. Bucky didn’t need any more evidence; it was obvious nothing had changed. He liked the same foods, hated the same activities and Bucky was sure there was electricity between them. He’d still hold off on making any type of sexual advance, simply out of consideration for not piling too much on Steve at once, but all of it was still there, he was absolutely sure.

Bucky dabbed at his canvas a few times, but he was having a great time listening to the band, sipping an excellent Merlot and watching Steve paint the view from their house at sunset. Bucky was glad he hadn’t sold the place. Back then, he was tempted to burn it to the ground. To turn it to ashes just like his heart. Instead, he’d locked the door and left, moving into the dankest little place he could find. It had to be very musty, he’d have to get a cleaning company to go and give it a thorough spring-clean. He was hopeful that it wouldn’t be too long before he and Steve moved back.

Steve sat back, looking at what he’d created. The more he stared, the more familiar it felt, but he couldn’t place it. He looked over at Bucky’s easel and laughed, before quickly biting his lip and feeling terrible.

Bucky leaned back in his chair and took a deep sip of his wine, “Steve Rogers, are you being mean to me?” he asked in mock distress. Steve shook his head, keeping his mouth firmly shut. He felt a little better about the ice-skating now. It was very obvious they had different talents.

“I like the bunnies,” Steve said, eyeing the brown and white creatures on the bright green grass.

“They’re squirrels,” Bucky said solemnly and Steve couldn’t hold back his laughter any longer.

“Squirrels don’t have long ears,” he argued.

“Bunnies don’t climb trees,” Bucky countered, pointing to a blob in one of the apple trees.

Steve giggled joyously, “The error is clearly mine, I apologize most profusely,” he said.

Bucky sighed laconically, “Yes, I paint like a six-year-old, we can’t all be artistic geniuses.” Steve stopped himself before he planted a kiss on Bucky’s cheek.

They stayed for the music and more wine, and finally made their way back to the tower when it was nearly midnight. “Thank you,” Steve said when they got inside, his voice full of gratitude. He didn’t want the night to end, it had been absolutely perfect.

“I had a great time, there’s no need to thank me,” Bucky responded, trying desperately to think of some reason not to say goodnight just yet, but nothing sprang to mind.

“Maybe you can come to my room and we’ll chat a while longer, if you’re not too tired?” Steve suggested, a surge of boldness rising in him. Bucky’s mouth was suddenly dry, he didn’t know what he’d do if nothing happened. If Steve really meant they should talk, like chums, he may lose his mind, because need had planted a garden in his body and it was growing wild, taking over every part of him.

“Sure,” he managed, walking into the room ahead of Steve.

Bucky was reaching for the light switch when Steve grabbed his shoulder from behind and turned him into his body, his hands twining in his hair.

“I want to kiss you,” Steve growled softly, his eyes burning into Bucky’s.

Bucky didn’t answer him, he put his hands on the back of Steve’s neck and pulled him down, managing, “Oh thank God,” before their mouths collided and the world surrounding them melted away, until only the two of them were left.

Steve walked Bucky backwards until his back was braced against the door, slowly unbuttoning his shirt while his mouth laid claim to Bucky, leaving no questions as to whether they belonged to each other.

“Did we do this before?” Steve asked raggedly, when his lips moved to Bucky’s neck, slowly kissing the hollow behind his ear, his tongue sweeping over Bucky’s throat before his lips suctioned on, making Bucky tremble.

“Yes,” Bucky admitted, removing Steve’s chinos.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Steve asked, a note of frustration in his voice.

“It’s a long story, do you want to stop and talk first?” Bucky asked.

“Oh God, no,” Steve sounded horrified. “I want to do a lot of things before we get to talking again.”

Bucky sighed happily, “Oh, good.”

Steve kicked his own pants away, before yanking Bucky’s down. “I don’t think I’m going to be gentle,” he warned and Bucky made a needy little sound that made something dominant roar to life in Steve. He pulled Bucky tight to his body, pressing his erection against his abdomen, feeling Bucky’s large cock wedged between them. He’d been right about the bulge earlier. “Turn around,” Steve ordered, pushing Bucky up against the wall, putting his hands over Bucky’s and pinning them above his head, his fingertips slotting between Bucky’s fingers, just above his knuckles. “I think I love you,” Steve admitted, before putting his mouth to work on Bucky’s neck, his cock slowly pressing into him.

“I love you too,” Bucky gasped, his ass clenching around Steve for a moment, before relaxing again, inviting him inside. “Fuck me hard baby, I’ve missed you so much,” Bucky begged. Steve hated that he had no memories of this. It felt so right, having Bucky’s body trapped by his while he trust into him, each penetrating jab making his brain light up like a Christmas tree. His balls were throbbing, his hands clamped around Bucky’s. He was worried he was being too rough, that he was hurting Bucky, but he couldn’t stop to ask, he trusted Bucky would tell him if he wanted him to slow down.

Instead, Bucky was leaning his head back on to Steve’s right shoulder, breathing fast, murmuring, “Yes, oh God, it’s been so long. I need you so much,” his voice full of reverence, almost like he uttering a prayer. Steve moved faster, skewering Bucky, pushing his cheek against the wall, his full weight leaning forward on to Bucky as only his hips and thighs kept moving. “Cum for me baby, cum please, I can’t hold out much longer,” Steve begged and Bucky whimpered.

“Please don’t wait, I need new pieces of you inside me.” Steve exploded, seeing actual starbursts as his penis pulsed and pulsed, Bucky crying out when he felt the warm semen shooting into him, finding his own release.

Steve didn’t pull out, he stood up straight and pulled Bucky with him, with their fingers still twisted together, he clung to Bucky’s hand, folding his arms around him. “Do you know what that felt like?” Steve asked quietly.

Bucky sighed out a laugh, “Heaven?”

Steve bit his ear, “More,” he corrected Bucky, finally pulling out and tugging Bucky towards the bed. “I want to taste you,” he said, pushing Bucky on to his back and kneeling between his legs, moaning when his tongue found the cum still beaded around the head of Bucky’s cock. “We could have been doing this since I got out of the hospital,” Steve tutted, twirling his tongue around the head, before daintily sucking on the very tip.

“No. I had to give you time,” Bucky tried to argue, but his words dried up when Steve started to lightly massage his balls, his lips still teasing around Bucky’s frenulum. He was already hard again, helplessly lost in ecstasy, voraciously needy. Steve brought Bucky to the edge again and again, stopping when he felt the first hint of pulsing, pinching the tip of his penis between his fingers and forcing the orgasm back. Bucky’s head was rolling around wildly, his thighs shaking, the duvet crushed in his hands. Steve looked at his lover, writhing unrestrainedly, stimulated to the edge of endurance. He swallowed Bucky’s cock, all the way down to his throat, thrusting a finger into his ass and fingering him fast, triumph lifting him when Bucky bellowed, cumming into his mouth. Steve swallowed, keeping his mouth lightly suctioning, elated at the intensity of his orgasm.

“Aehaogh,” Bucky tried to speak, but gibberish came out of his mouth. It was probably a combination of being celibate for years, having gotten Steve back after believing he was gone and the slight hint of anger he could feel buzzing in Steve, but he’d never cum that fiercely. Steve had never pushed him quite that hard before. They always had incredible sex, but Bucky knew he would never forget tonight. “Now tell me,” Steve demanded.

“Oh my love,” he murmured when Bucky was done, kissing him again and again. Soft, comforting kisses full of tenderness. “I don’t remember anything yet, but after two days with you I knew how deep our connection went, how could you have believed I’d do that?”

Bucky had his head on Steve’s shoulder, “I’ve never felt like I deserved you, Steve. Not after HYDRA.”

Steve frowned, “What are you talking about?”

Bucky sighed, “I’m so happy right now, can I tell you in the morning? All the things I’ve glossed over.”

Steve paused, “I’m not sure I love the sound of that all, did something terrible happen between us?”

Bucky rubbed his head on Steve’s shoulder, “Terrible things happened to us, but we’ve never purposely hurt each other.” Steve was satisfied with that for tonight. He wanted to make out endlessly and make love to the man he adored.

The sun was coming up, the room turning incrementally from black to grey; Steve sat with his knees bent to the sides, the bottoms of his feet touching, Bucky in his lap, with his legs wrapped around Steve’s waist, pressed so close to him that his anus was able to sink down over Steve’s cock. Their lips were locked, arms wrapped around each other and Bucky was tilting his hips back and forth, setting the rhythm of their thrusting. They were exhausted, and finally nearly sated.

There had been frantic fucking, long bouts of kissing, gentler copulation and now they were softly making love, wound together completely, kissing without end, marveling at their happiness. Their final release was far less explosive than some of the others, but it left them utterly satisfied. Relaxed to the point of somnolence, and they finally tumbled on to the mattress, sinking into sleep with their hands clasped together.

~~~

Steve had been horrified when Bucky told him about all the bits he left out, especially when Bucky admitted to the guilt that never left him of his time as an assassin.

“You have to go to therapy,” Steve declared.

Bucky scowled, “I’d give the therapist nightmares, is that what you want, to traumatize some poor, unsuspecting head doctor? I spoke to someone at SHIELD.”

Steve’s brows wrinkled, “I’m not sure I trust them completely, they have their own agenda. We have to find you someone who specializes in trauma.”

Bucky pulled him closer, “I don’t need to talk to anyone babe, I’ve got you back.”

They’d spent two days in Steve’s room, only exiting to get food and drinks. There’d been a lot of the promised talking, but far more kissing and rediscovering. Bucky felt as content as a kitten in a mohair blanket.

“This isn’t negotiable,” Steve said fiercely, a commanding tone to his voice that made the hair on the back on Bucky’s neck rise in splendid anticipation.

Bucky batted his eyelashes, “What will you do if I refuse?” he asked defiantly.

Steve rolled on top of him, moving his hips from side to side, his dick rubbing lightly over Bucky’s stomach, more blood rushing into it with every pass. He kissed Bucky deeply, until he was uttering soft, needy, moans. “I won’t do any of that,” Steve whispered, putting his hand on Bucky’s cock, stroking him gently.

“Oh, fuck babe, I’ll go anywhere you want me to,” Bucky agreed, incapable of putting up even a token resistance.

~~~

Every day was like opening a brand-new gift, which turned out to be exactly what he wanted. Steve wished fervently his memories would come back, he didn’t want to lose the myriad of moments he’d shared with Bucky in the past. He would never hear about all of them, or have them from his own perspective. Bucky wouldn’t know how often he watched him and just marveled at his own good fortune. The little things that made Steve’s heart feel like it would explode with love. There was a particular sound he made when he was incredibly turned on and his eyes would close and his mouth open in a silent scream, which made Steve hornier no matter how turned-on he already was. Steve didn’t want to lose any of these tiny, intimate facts that made up the whole of how much he loved his sassy, incorrigible, insatiable boyfriend, but if the memories never returned, he was okay with making new ones.

Bucky was reborn. He was having the time of his life reintroducing Steve to all his favorite things. They spent their days watching movies, reading, painting, playing cards, hanging out with the other Avengers when they were around. Steve remained adamant he didn’t want his shield back. He’d help out if there was an emergency, but Captain America’s mantle belonged with Sam. Bucky felt relief at that, he knew Steve had grown progressively more uncomfortable with working for the government in recent years and this would give them more time together. He’d also been in touch with Shuri and she was working on a vibranium-based, collapsible energy shield for Steve, which would be capable of withstanding powerful attacks. He needed to know he was safe. Bucky would wait for Steve to pick his own name, but he thought perhaps The Sentinel, or something similarly neutral, that showed he wasn’t aligned with a specific government or authority, but dedicated himself to global justice. He’d bring that up when Steve wanted to return to work, for now they were on vacation. A sexy, lazy, relaxing vacation.

~~~

“I have a surprise for you,” Bucky told Steve. “You should pack up all your stuff.”

Steve cocked his head to the side, “Are we moving?”

Bucky groaned, “You haven’t forgotten what the word surprise means, have you?”

Steve chuckled, “Fine. You know I’d follow you to the gates of hell.”

Bucky blindfolded Steve, who grumbled, “I literally don’t remember anything, so if it’s not somewhere you’ve taken me before I won’t recognize it.”

Bucky ignored him, helping him into the passenger seat of his car. “Indulge me, please,” he asked, kissing the side of Steve’s head. Steve immediately stopped complaining.

Bucky was shocked at the sense of homecoming he felt when he pulled into their driveway and into the garage. The landscapers had done an amazing job of getting the garden to look amazing and he had the cleaning company out three times, so they could deep-clean everything. It smelled of polish and fabric softener when he opened the door and Steve inhaled deeply.

“Oh, that’s very nice, where are we?” Bucky took off his blindfold and scooped Steve into his arms before he could argue, carrying him over the threshold, into their home.

Steve laughed, “Nobody would believe me if I told them how sentimental you are. Did you rent us a house?”

Bucky put Steve down and took his hand, “This is our house, where we were living before…you disappeared. I couldn’t bear to come back here. We bought it together.” Steve looked around with child-like wonder.

“This is where we shared our life? We picked out all these things?” Bucky nodded, watching breathlessly as Steve prowled around, touching and inspecting everything.

“It’s beautiful,” he finally said, “We have amazing taste.” Bucky grinned, “Well you obviously do,” he said, indicating himself.

Steve laughed, “Oh baby, you shouldn’t be so modest, you need to get some more self-confidence.” Steve tugged him toward the main bedroom, “I believe after you carry me over the doorstep, it’s customary to christen the bed.”

Bucky swooned a little, then rallied, “Re-christen, this bed has been very thoroughly broken in.”

Steve’s eyes gleamed, “Well then, I guess we’ll have to try and show it something it hasn’t seen before.”

Bucky looked dubious, “I don’t know if that’s possible, it’s seen a lot, but I’m very willing to give it a go.”

Steve felt so full of love, that he imagined he’d burst open, prisms of rainbow light shooting from him if any more emotion added the mix. “Kiss me,” he ordered Bucky, who immediately hurled himself into Steve’s arms, “Yes, Sir!” he said swiftly.

Steve felt like a dam wall burst open in his head. Memories tumbling out like a mountain of diamonds, each one falling into its own special slot. He sank down to the floor, his eyes screwed shut against the intensity of it all. The pain, joy, love, camaraderie, friendship, all of it washing over him in a huge tidal wave.

“Steve! Babe, are you okay? Please talk to me,” Bucky asked frantically, trying to pull Steve’s hands away from his eyes. It took a few minutes and Steve was panting by the end, trying to reassure Bucky that he was okay in monosyllables.

Bucky was terrified. What if this was some terrible, unforeseen consequence of being in the pod for so long? What if he was losing Steve all over again?

“James Buchanan Barnes,” Steve said softly and Bucky froze. He hadn’t told Steve his full names. Maybe someone else did? “I’m with ya ‘til the end of the line pal,” Steve said, his voice getting stronger. “It wasn’t too long after that when I kissed you for the first time.”

Bucky grabbed his face between his hands, “You remember?”

Steve nodded, “It’s always been you and me Buck. If anyone wearing my face and eyes ever try to tell you differently, you tell them to fuck off and start looking for me, because I love you. Only you. Forever you. I want us to get married. Will you marry me? Sorry, no wait, I’m going to do something special and make it a big surprise. Could we wipe your memory for a bit?”

Bucky was laughing and crying, shaking his head, “No take-backs, I’m marrying you. As soon as possible. I love you so much,” Bucky babbled, straddling Steve’s lap and kissing him deeply, “Forever. Promise me?”

Steve pulled his mouth down, “Til the end of the line, baby,” he swore, sealing their pact with a kiss.

[icannotreadcursive]

Self-Rec Tag Game

Rules: share five of your own fanworks (fic, art, etc.) Then, tag five more people to share the things they've made.

Tagging my own damn self, might should be posting this to my writing sideblog @eiirisworkshop but I'm not bothering.

To Tell the Truth Ongoing Brokeback Mountain longfic, rated M, currently 29 chapters and just under 50k wordcount. Canon divergent starting from when Ennis comes home to Alma after the summer he meets Jack. Very much a what could have been kind of fic with lots of making people (coughEnniscoughcough) talk about their feelings but without easy fixes to the very real obstacles our boys face.

Momento Ipsum, Remember Yourself Complete Old Guard fic, rated M, 6 chapters, just under 20k words. It's a meeting-younger-selves fic with the whole team! Explorations of religion, trauma, and sense of self that I'm really proud of. Communication and how language is woven through identity are central themes, and I taught myself some coding to make two versions of this fic that use either different fonts or different text colors to differentiate dialogue in different languages.

The Measure of a Tit Sailor Moon oneshot, rated T, 824 words. Short, fun, and funny little ficlet about bras, binders, and gender expression starring my favorite senshi, Sailor Uranus, Haruka Tenoh .

Chiaroscuro Complete Star Trek: TOS fic, rated T, 16 chapters, a little over 30k wordcount. Set aboard the Enterprise late in her 5-year mission (so, sometime after the tv show ended). I made up an excuse to stick Kirk and Spock, Spock's parents, and two space hobos one of whom is half Vulcan and actively rejects Vulcan culture all on a starship together. Shenanigans, arguments over cultural values, discussion of consent with regards to Pon Farr, Kirk and Spock finally doing something about their mutual pining, and Uhura winning a full-crew betting pool ensues.

In From the Cold Incomplete post-Winter Soldier MCU fic, rated T (though I should probably bump it to M...), currently 55 chapters and almost 175k--not counting the two pulled-out sort of episode fics that happen between or parallel to chapters in the main fic that add almost another 20k. This becomes a good old "everyone is living at Stark Tower" fic a few chapters in. Very focused on Steve and Bucky and Bucky's recovery from having been the Winter Soldier. I put him in actual goddamn therapy--and this fic long predates the Falcon and Winter Soldier show. Also a major Clint/Coulson plot thread that digs deep into Phil's trauma from having been killed by Loki and brought back. Pulls in elements from Agents of SHIELD and some of my favorite bits from comics. And look, this fic has not been updated in years, so if I'm reccing it I want to be up front about that. But it is not abandoned! In fact, with how life changes are going I expect to be able to get back to work on this fic within the next year and could have new chapters ready as early as Christmas if all goes well. It's long enough that depending how fast you read, it could carry you til then. This is genuinely some of the work I'm most proud of and has one of the most complexly woven plots I've ever produced (which is why it's been so hard for my to pick back up these past few years). If you miss the team-as-family vibes of early-mid 2010s MCU fandom and wish various characters' trauma was handled with more care, then this is the fic for you.

Tagging: @kueble @nerdsandthelike @rainbowvamp @tinyferalbeing @makingshortstorieslong

[maple-the-awesome]

We'll Meet Again...I Know When || Chapter 3

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x GN Reader

Words: 1,528

Overview: Given your old-fashioned personality and obsession with all things 1940s to 1980s, it’s no wonder that most people refer to you as an ‘old soul’ who would’ve rather lived back then than in the modern era. Little do they know, you already did, but with your previous life as Hollie Stark cut short, you’ve been left with some…unfinished business, to say the least. Top of your list? Finally getting to marry your thought-to-be-lost fiancé.

Series Masterlist 🤎 Marvel Masterlist 🤎 Fandom Masterlist

CHAPTER THREE: EYES EVERYWHERE

You run a hand through your hair with a sigh and twirl your phone in annoyance. No answer...again. Not that you really expected one, but a part of you keeps hoping that if you call just once more, someone will finally pick up and explain this whole damn situation to you better than your ‘superiors’ have.

You're beginning to regret not having said anything during today's emergency meeting. Instead, you had dumbly remained silent while standing at the edge of the room with crossed arms, almost unnoticeable within the sea of agents. Then again, perhaps that was actually a smart move. You managed to keep your concerns and disgust well hidden, but it still burns at your core nonetheless.

It was embarrassing to see how quickly fellow agents had turned their heads at the slightest command without any input of their own ration. Pierce says 'jump', they ask how high. Only Sharon Carter- bless her for having a strong head upon her shoulders- voiced her own concerns yet nothing came of it. Instead, everyone was just given a vague elaboration justifying SHIELD's sudden launch of a manhunt for Captain America who's supposedly a serious criminal now.

You refuse to believe it for a second. Sure, Steve's gotten into fights in pretty much every ally within Brooklyn and tried to illegally enlist into the military a billion times, but there's always some sort of moral leash to his rule breaking endeavors. If he truly has important information regarding Nick Fury's murder and is keeping it from everyone else, he must have a good reason for it.

Your worry that something is terribly wrong is only solidified by the behaviors you've observed. While you remained quiet during the meeting, you were careful to note your superiors' handling of this 'mishap'. Some sounded afraid and in a panic while others were strangely calm, speaking with certainty as if Rogers has always been a nuisance they never trusted...as if they've always been at odds.

As a wise man once said, the universe is rarely so lazy for coincidence to occur. Maybe that's the reason Steve hasn't handed valuable information over to SHIELD; he doesn't trust them and if that's the case, you're going to look at them twice yourself. There's no way in Hell you're just going to sit around in the dark until it all comes tumbling down on top of you. You're Hollie Stark, damnit! You're one of the founders of SHIELD!...Well, you were anyways. Either way, no one's pulling the wool over your eyes!

Giving up on the phone, you search your drawer for an empty flash drive. You know you always keep one somewhere. Once you locate it, you plug it in and get to work.

You’ve always prided yourself on being clever and you can’t be clever without being prepared for anything. With this in mind, Hollie decided it would be a good idea to keep insurance over SHIELD in the case that something ever went wrong or that someone (Howard) decided to keep more secrets from you like that whole ‘Steve’s blood’ fiasco. Thus, without anyone else’s knowledge, you created a series of secret passwords and codes allowing you access into any file within SHIELD’s database. Nifty, right?

You’ve honestly never planned on using it as (Y/n). Having been around since the organization’s creation and being trusted enough to be bubby-bubby with the Avengers, you’ve never been tempted by the possibility that something big might be hidden beyond the range of your knowledge. Plus, there is a little downfall to your system that's made you chose to avoid it until a time of need like now.

Times have changed since good o’ Hollie. Systems have changed, to be exact. While it seems your password still works to download data without raising any alarm, the organization still keeps tabs on all employee computers meaning someone will eventually see you looking through classified information, hints use of a flash drive. While SHIELD will eventually be able to see a download's been made on your computer, it'll take them a hot second. In the meantime, you have several devices at home which have been designed by yourself to block tracking. They'll be none the wiser to the true extent of data you've borrowed. 

Finishing the download, you stuff the drive into your pocket before gathering the rest of your belongings including a folder of random files on your desk. Holding them to your chest, you make sure to walk briskly through the building while blending in with the crowd of other agents who are still in a rush from this morning's meeting. While you pray no one finds you suspicious, you worry eyes may already be targeted at the back of your head.

Words can't describe your relief when seeing the caller ID screen pop up on your phone just as you begin ascending up the stairs of your apartment building, however, you wait to pick up until out of earshot of prying neighbors. Once slipping through your front door, you decide it’s safe to hit the answer button.

"Hey, where are you?" Your tone is scolding and laced with irritation as you hit each lock of the door to ensure everything is properly secured.

"I'm guessing you're updated on the situation?"

Tossing your keys at the counter then hurrying to your bedroom, you rant angrily into the phone," updated? Steve's apparently a fugitive, SHIELD's sending out a massive manhunt for him as if he's freakin' Hitler, and you've missed three of my calls. Updated is what I'd like to be."

"I know, I know, and I'm sorry. We weren't in a good location and I didn't want to risk answering just in case, you know…you were still with SHIELD," Natasha's apology is genuine, making you pause after grabbing the duffle bag out of your closet. While she didn't say it exactly, you understand her hint.

"Nat, you can always trust me. I'd never sell you or Steve out."

"I was hoping you'd say that which is why I called back. Where are you right now?"

"At home packing."

"Ahead of the game, are we?"

"What can I say? I don't like sitting on my ass," your laptop is the first thing to be set into the bag followed by various other valuables,” where am I meeting you?"

"Head to that diner we went to last week and we'll pick you up."

"Steve's with you, right?"

"Don't worry, mom. I have your kid safe and sound. Just hurry and try not to be followed."

You roll your eyes, an action Natasha's somehow aware of despite not being able to see you," I'm not an amateur."

"Good. See you then."

You sigh, looking from your blank phone screen to the picture on your bed stand across the room. You can't help but pause and stare as if your fiancé's picture will suddenly give you an answer on how to feel. Should you be worried? Natasha sounds confident, but she's like you. You've both managed to master the art of always appearing confident despite the whirlwinds of emotions bubbling in your chests.

If Bucky were here right now, he'd tell you to take a breather and think with that pretty head of yours. He'd have his hands on your shoulders, gently forcing you to look into his eyes as he builds up your confidence with praises of your intelligence and assurances that he'll always be there to catch you whenever you fall. If that somehow doesn't work, then tickling your sides and leaving trails of butterfly kisses on your neck for motivation would.

Plucking the picture off the bed stand, you rub your thumb over the glass while weighting the effect of this nonexistent peptalk. Bucky would want you to hold your head up high and while he might not be here to tell you that with words, it does bring warmth to your heart knowing how his support once felt while dwelling on his smile…Even for an old black and white photograph, he’s too handsome for his own good.

Stuffing the picture in your bag, you make your rounds through the apartment, packing anything you don't want to be found or lost. Laptop, pictures, journals, etc. You work quickly, never standing in one place for too long. You don't even try to make it look like you weren’t in a hurry, leaving clothes thrown across the floor and not bothering to pick up that lamp you knocked over.

With everything gathered, you push open your window, carefully stepping onto the fire escape and using the ladder to make your way down to street level safely. You almost walk to the front of the building, but immediately freeze at the corner when catching sight of the black van pulling up. Familiar agents you’ve worked alongside for years jump out and race into the building…just as you thought they might.

Little does SHIELD know, you've been in the game for far longer than they could guess. Turning on your heel, you take the back way to meet with Steve and Natasha, determined to uncover what’s been hidden under your nose for God knows how long. 

NEXT CHAPTER➡️

⬅️PREVIOUS CHAPTER

[tricksters-captain]

Bucky Barnes Imagines - Some Sunny Day Part 1

AN: My Marvel obsession has been lying dormant since Endgame finished but Wandavision and Falcon and Winter Soldier have brought it back to life.... This is going to be a series based off the show. Kind of like my ‘Oh Dear’ fic, it’s the series with an added characters and story lines. 

Summary: Before the Blip, you and Bucky were close. After you both returning and Tony’s funeral, you decided to go back to your home town to spend time with your family. When duty calls, you return.  

In this chapter: You reunite with Sam and Bucky (Based on S1 EP2)

Pairing(s): Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader, Sam Wilson x Platonic!Reader

Word Count: 6,883

Warnings: Spoilers for episode 2, strong language, violence. 

You and Bucky had always been close. 

You were close with Steve before Bucky joined the avengers and you fought on Steve’s side during the small civil war between the avengers. 

Steve was your best friend and Sam always knew how to make you smile but there was something about Bucky that was different to the rest of the avengers. 

You had spent some time in Wakanda with Bucky at Steve’s request and you two had always fought side by side and it crushed Steve when you both taken during the blip and he wasn't. 

When you returned, you were thrust back into battle almost immediately. The final fight against Thanos which resulted in you losing Tony and then Steve. 

Nothing seemed to matter except the fact you had been gone for 5 whole years. You had missed 5 whole years with your friends and family. They had changed whilst you were gone and you came back the same as you left.

When Steve returned the infinity stones, he hadn’t given you warning that he wasn’t coming back the same age he was going in but he had warned Bucky. They had spoken about it before apparently and after everything, you felt kind of betrayed. 

You knew you’d never understand Steve’s choice but it was his choice. You were just upset Bucky didn’t warn you. 

You returned to your home town after that day. 

You returned to find some people had changed and some hadn’t but you knew you wanted to be around and spend time with them. 

After all the years fighting for the avengers and only calling every once in a blue moon. It seemed to finally dawn on you that you should spend time with them whilst you still could. 

However, that only lasted around 6 months before you found yourself answering a phone call from Sam. 

You were at a birthday party for one of your old school friend’s daughters when you felt your phone go off. 

You put down one of the little girls who had be asking you a hundred questions about being apart of the avengers and excused yourself from the party. 

“Tell me why I got an awful feeling when I saw your caller ID come up on my phone.” You answered, folding your free hand under your arm as you leant against the wall. 

“It’s cause your subconscious is reminding you about that one time you said no when I asked you out on a date and you regret that now.”  Sam’s voice instantly made you crack a smile. 

“Or maybe it’s because every time I get a call from you it’s to do with the world ending or something worse.” You shot back. 

“It’s good to hear your voice too.” Sam chuckled at your comment before he had responded. 

“So what’s going on? I haven’t heard much from you in months.” You asked. 

“That’s around the time you up and left us for the old way of living.” Sam reminded you that you were the one that decided to go cold agent and return home. 

“There isn’t anything wrong with a little quiet.” You told him as you looked back through the window to the children that were the opposite of quiet. 

“No there isn't.” Sam agreed, “However, I got a situation here at the moment that I could really use your help with.”

“I guess it’s a bit bigger than the usual military op or you wouldn’t be calling?” You frowned. You were in the loop enough to know Sam had been apart of the airforce these past 6 months and had been taking part in frequent missions but nothing that concerned you. 

“I’m sending you over the details now. I’d appreciate it if you could come.” Sam sent you through a file and you pulled your phone away from your ear to open it. 

“You don’t need to convince me, Sam. I’ll be there since I know you wouldn’t ask unless it was serious.” You answered honestly. 

“Guess I’ll be seeing you soon then.” You could practically hear Sam’s smirk through the phone.

“Depends how quick I can get a bag together and your jet can get me to you.” You told him as you picked up your jacket from the coat rack. 

“Well it’s no Red Wing but it’s pretty fast.” Sam stated. “Oh and (Y/n)... You haven’t seen the news in the past hour or so, have you?”

“No? Why?” You frowned at the hesitation in Sam’s voice. 

“Just... take a look.” Sam told you before you ended the call. 

You opened up the news on your phone and what you saw made your mouth go dry and your stomach drop. 

‘JOHN WALKER; NEW CAPTAIN AMERICA’

You felt an anger rise up in you as you watched the wannabe waltz onto screen with Steve’s shield in his paws. 

When Sam gave up the shield, you didn’t know how to feel at first but now... now you weren’t surprised Sam didn’t elaborate on what he wanted you to see.

You said your apologies and your goodbyes pretty swiftly and you had already stashed an emergency bag ready to go under your bed so you were soon on your way.

It didn’t take terribly long to get to the air base where Sam was waiting for you. 

“Who the hell is this guy and why is he calling himself the new Captain America?” 

“Nice to see you too.” Sam wasn’t surprised at the attitude once you stepped off the plane.

“Sam, first you call me up to help deal with this wannabe terrorist group and now I just find out that Steve’s shield, which you gave up, is being held by some wannabe superhero.” You dumped your bag on the floor as you closed the gap between you and Sam.

“Trust me, I’m not happy about it either and I knew nothin about it but we have bigger fish to fry right now so can we cut the dramatic and get to actually saying hello?” Sam stared down at you with his hands on his hips. 

You sighed and gave in.

You wrapped your arms around the man and hugged him warmly.

“I’m sorry. I just––”

“–I know.” Sam didn’t need your apology. He understood how you were feeling. You both loved Steve so much. 

“Miss (Y/N)(Y/L/N), it’s a pleasure to meet you.” A voice brought your attention away from Sam to a man approaching you both. 

“(Y/n), Torres. Torres, (Y/n).” Sam introduced you to the uniformed man and you shook his hand politely. 

“Nice to meet you.” You weren’t sure if you had gotten used to the way most civilians looked at you after you became apart of the avengers. When you joined you didn’t realise becoming famous would be apart of the gig.

“I’m sorry to interrupt but Miss (Y/L/N) has to come with me to get logged into the clearance system and sort out a couple things.” Torres pointed over his shoulder as he explained. 

“And by that he means sign an autograph for his kid sister.” Sam teased the man. 

“What?” Torres’ cheeks tinged pink. “No!”

“It’s alright. Lead the way.” You picked up your bag and sent a quick smile to Sam before turning back to Torres. “Oh and you can call me (Y/n) by the way.” 

It didn’t take too long for Torres to fill you in on Sam’s plan for the mission as he logged in a few details so you could have clearance around the airbase. 

You did end up signing an autograph after a little tiptoeing around the question and then by the time you walked back out into the open you spotted someone you hadn’t expected to see. 

It was Bucky. 

“Looking good for a senior citizen.” You spoke up as you approached Sam and Bucky. 

Bucky had his back to you but the sound of your voice soon paused his conversation with Sam and he spun around. 

“Hey Buck.” You smiled but you couldn’t help but feel slightly nervous. “Long time no see.” 

“(Y/n).” Bucky stepped forward and wrapped his arms around you. 

You chuckled at his tight embrace but hugged him back just as tight all the same. 

“You, uh, you look good.” Bucky cleared his throat as he pulled away from you. 

“If you’ll excuse us, Casanova, we got places to be.” Sam tried to pull you away from Bucky but Bucky only followed. 

“I’m coming with you.” Bucky announced. 

“No, you’re not!” Sam argued. 

You hadn’t missed the men’s bickering...

In spite of Sam’s protest, Bucky ended up on the flight anyway. 

“So how’s it been away from the Avengers?” Bucky asked you as you both prepared for the mission.

Sam was up with Torres in the cockpit so you and Bucky were alone for the first time since you saw each other.

“It’s been okay. Spending time at home. Doing non-hero regular folk stuff.” You chuckled weakly as you pulled off your sweater. Bucky’s eyes fell to your chest as you had only wore a vest underneath. You felt your cheeks burn as you pretended not to notice.

“Uh, same.” Bucky cleared his throat before he spoke.. “Been strange without you around.”

“Buck, you know I needed time away from everything. From Sam, from you... After Steve, I...” You let your words drop away. 

There was a short silence before Bucky decided to change the subject.

“I’ve been seeing a therapist. Court mandated. She’s got me doing this whole redemption thing. Contacting people in my past. Making things right.” 

“And how’s that going for you?” You couldn’t help but smirk slightly at the idea of Bucky forcing himself to face his past at the request of a therapist. 

“Well I have three rules I’m meant to stick to and let’s say I’m not exactly following them closely.” Bucky admitted as he folded his hoodie.

“Does your therapist know that?” You cocked an eyebrow at the man with a light amused expression.

“What do you think.” Bucky smirked back at you.

“Be careful. I might tell on you.” You sighed playfully. 

“You’re actually on the list.” Bucky suddenly confessed. “I wanted to make things right after...” Bucky paused for a moment. “...After Steve. I should have warned you. Should have told you the truth.” 

“Bucky.” You stopped him. “It’s okay. Steve made a choice and he chose to talk to you about it. You’re his best friend and the only other person on the team who could’ve really understood why he did what he did. I’m not holding it against you.” 

“I’m still sorry.” Bucky looked you in the eyes as he spoke, “You were with him for so long when I wasn’t around. You should’ve got a real warning.” 

“Thanks Buck.” You pressed your lips into a brief sad smile before looking down at your boots. 

“I’ve really missed you, (Y/n).” Bucky uttered. 

“I really missed you too.” You stopped tying your lace to look up at the man. 

His short hair had really revealed his face and you couldn’t help but notice every part of it. The lines by his eyes when he smiled, the curve of his lips, the shadow that was just coming on.

You straightened up and stepped towards the man. 

“I like the new haircut by the way.” You reached up and let your fingers brush the top of his forehead. “Makes you look almost like a civilian.” 

Bucky couldn’t help but feel his body tense under your touch. 

“You look tired though.” You let your hand drop down to his cheek. “Not been sleeping well?”

Bucky forced himself to move away from your touch.

“Bad dreams.” Bucky murmured. 

“I figured therapy might have been helping you with those.” You frowned, “I remember sharing wake up duty with Steve like it was yesterday.”

“Every time it was your turn you’d make hot coco.” Bucky reminded you. It brought back images of you and Bucky sat in a small kitchen drinking hot chocolate that you had made despite Bucky’s insisting that he didn’t want any. 

“Seems like a lifetime ago.” You smiled but the memories only made you feel dismal. It seemed those were simpler times. Steve was still around, at least. 

Bucky handed you your jacket in the silence and you took it gratefully.

“I’m not interrupting something, am I?” Sam said rather loudly as he climbed down the ladder. 

“No, we were just getting ready which is what you should be doing.” You picked up Sam’s bag and tossed it to him which he caught effortlessly. “I’m going to check a few things with Torres. Try not to kill each other whilst I’m gone.” 

Bucky watched you climb the ladder up to the cockpit and Sam watched Bucky. 

“I’ll never understand why you won’t just shoot your shot with the girl.” Sam shook his head as he opened his duffle. 

“Shoot my what?” Bucky glared over at the man with confusion clear in his eyes. 

“Your shot, man. (Y/n) has clearly been in love with you since Steve dragged your ass onto the team. What she sees in you compared to this, I’ll never understand but she clearly sees something.” Sam had gestured to himself when he spoke but Bucky just rolled his eyes. 

“Maybe instead of talking about (Y/n), you should actually tell me what the plan is?” Bucky suggested as he zipped up his jacket securely. 

“How about you stop avoiding your feelings?” Sam retorted which made Bucky shut up and sit down. 

“I’m not avoiding my feelings.” Bucky grumbled as he glared at the man. 

“Yeah right.” Sam scoffed, shaking his head as he started to change. 

You didn’t return to the boys until you were approaching the drop off. 

“(Y/n), you’ll be out first.” Torres explained as you put in your ear piece, trying your hardest to ignore Bucky and Sam starring daggers at each other behind you. 

“Great. See you on the ground, fellas.” You jumped from the aircraft just as you heard Bucky ask what the plan was in your earpiece. 

You had to jump earlier then the men since you were approaching the building from another angle but that didn’t mean you couldn’t hear them bicker still on the aircraft. 

When you reached the warehouse, you remained hidden in the trees. You watched several people start to load two trucks with large boxes. 

“You’re doing the staring thing again. They’re in there.” You heard Sam’s voice in your earpiece. He must have been talking to Bucky inside the warehouse. 

“Where’s the guy?” Bucky asked. 

“I don’t know. I think they’re smuggling weapons, though.” Sam responded before you could. 

“Well, I think you could be right.” Bucky agreed with a passive aggressive tone. “But there’s only one way to find out. I see a clear path. I say we take it.”

“We’re not assassins.” Sam argued with Bucky.

“I’ll see you inside or not.” Bucky must've walked away from what you could hear. 

“Hey, come on, man. I’m just messing with you! Come back.” You could practically see Sam’s smile in your head.

“If you guys are done, I have a visual on the targets. They’re loading up two red trucks.”

“We’re moving up now.” Bucky replied to you. 

“Look at you. All stealthy.” Sam was teasing him. “A little time in Wakanda and you come out White Panther.”

“It’s actually White Wolf.” Bucky corrected him and Sam’s reaction almost made you laugh out loud. 

You tried to move closer to the trucks to see exactly what was going inside but it was risky with the group constantly checking around them. 

“All right, I’m inside. Therefore, way ahead of you. It’s not great, but very doable.” Bucky’s voice came up again. “Hello. How are you?” Bucky sounded irritated. Sam must've snuck up on him. 

“Good. What did I miss? Nothing.” Sam whispered back. 

“All right, let’s go.” Bucky commanded but Sam stopped him. 

“No, wait.”

“I got a vibranium arm. I can take them.” Bucky held up his arm as he fought against Sam’s halt.

“And I can fly. Who gives a shit?” Sam muttered. “Wait. I want to see where they’re going.”

“Guys I may not be in the same location as you but I can hear everything you’re saying so quick the arguing” You whispered lowly as you kept your eyes trained on the trucks. 

You tried to zone out the boys bickering as you crept forward. A crashing noise from inside the warehouse made you jump back and hide as the flash smasher members all stopped and looked. 

“Be careful.” You hissed at the both of them.

“It wasn’t my fault.” Bucky tried to defend himself but frankly you didn't care. The trucks were staring to close up and their engines switched on. 

You watched the people pile into the trucks and you dived over, taking hold of the backdoors and clinging on. 

“They have a hostage.” Sam told you as the trucks drove off with you attached. 

“Then get moving.” You commanded. You pulled open the door you were hanging to and opened it. 

“No sight of a hostage in here.” You informed Sam as you looked around. “Just boxes of vaccines.” 

“I found her.” Bucky must've gotten inside the other truck. “Hi. You okay?” Bucky’s voice was then followed by a crashing sound. 

However, you had your own problems... 

You heard a loud bang behind you and you turned to see two men at the end of the truck. They both had masks on. 

“Cute masks.” You taunted them before they charged at you. 

You threw three knives at them, two managed to hit one of the men in the thigh and chest but the second man had knocked the third one away. 

You went to attack the uninjured one first as he drew closer, you punched him but he was strong. He didn’t even flinch. 

You felt a small panic in your chest as you started to fight. He was taking moves that would usually floor someone like he was being attacked by a pillow. 

You managed to get him to the ground by wrapping your thighs around his neck and flipping him over you before you threw another knife at the injured soldier. He seemed to retreat, climbing out of the truck and onto the roof. 

“Could use some back up, Sam!” You called out as you followed. 

You climbed up onto the roof and the first soldier chased after you. The injured one grabbed hold of Bucky along with a third guy and so you were left with the big one. 

You heard Redwing shooting at the roof before you saw it but a redheaded female smashed it in half like it was but a plastic toy. 

With that, Sam finally swooped in and started throwing punches. 

He was thrown to the other roof as you continued to fight your own battle. You were getting tired and his punches seemed to only be getting stronger and more painful each time.

You pulled out another knife but he grabbed your wrist and squeezed. You couldn’t help but cry out at the pressure, you dropped it before he could break your wrist. 

Then suddenly a helicopter appeared from what seemed like nowhere. Cap’s shield bounced off one of Sam’s attackers as two new bodies joined the fight. 

The distraction allowed you to kick your attacker off the truck and start to help Bucky. 

“Sam, John Walker; Captain America.” 

“Lemar Hoskins.”

“Looks like you guys could use some help.” Walker and his sidekick introduced themselves. 

 A surge of rage from the introduction of ‘Captain America’ helped you regain some adrenaline. You turned and started to fight once again. 

You let yourself become distracted as Bucky fell from the side of the truck which allowed one of the guys to send you off the truck too.

Sam was quick to fall back with his suit and grab you before you hit the concrete road. However, the impact of him grabbing you did leave you winded. 

“Bucky.” You wheezed as the man settled you on the side of the road. 

Sam flew up and chased after the trucks. 

You took a moment, wincing at your aching body before you rose to your feet and took off in their direction. 

You couldn’t catch up to the trucks but it didn’t take long to find Bucky and Sam once you spotted they were both coming out of a field. 

“If someone told me I’d be fighting a whole bunch of super soldiers today I would’ve wore my nice pants.” You stated as you approached the two men.

“We knew they were strong but not like this.” Sam defended himself from your anger. 

“One of those guys took a knife to the chest and could still walk away.” You threw your arms up as you informed him. This was so much worse than the documents had described. 

“It’s going to take a lot more than just a knife to stop these guys.” Bucky’s eyes seemed to carry a storm as he thought. 

“How can this be possible? I thought the super soldier serum was gone. What happened in Siberia was supposed to have put an end to it all.” You remembered the failed super soldiers as clear as day. 

“We know about as much as you, (Y/n). Unless you tried to, you know, your weird seeing thing?” Sam asked.

“No. It takes it out of me and I can’t do it whilst I’m trying to fight for my life so.” You shook your head as you walked beside the men. Whilst you weren’t as powerful as some of the Avengers, you were a great assassin like Natasha Romanoff. Your talent was your knife throwing but under all the training and all the knowledge, there was a gift. A gift you’d had since birth.

If you touched someone, you could see their entire past, everything they had experienced up until that moment. It really drained you of your energy and over the years you trained yourself so that you could switch it on and off so it didn’t happen every time you touched someone but when you did use it, it usually required a lie down afterwards. 

“Sorry about Redwing.” Bucky spoke up after a moment of silence. 

“No, you’re not.” Sam rolled his eyes at the fake apology before asking: “What’s going on in that big cyborg brain of yours?”

“It’s computing.” Bucky grumbled. 

“You know what? I can actually see it. I can see the gears turning. Oh, they’re malfunctioning, shutting down. Yep, they’re on fire.” Sam couldn’t help but make fun of Bucky which only made you walk ahead of the men. You weren’t in the mood for this.

“We gotta figure out where the serum’s coming from.” You said to stop their silliness. 

“Yeah. And how in the hell after 80 years are there eight Super Soldiers runnin’ loose?” Sam agreed with you just as a transport vehicle began to pull up along side him. 

“So that didn’t go as planned, huh?” John Walker’s voice penetrated the space like a foul smelling fart. 

He opened the truck’s door to allow you all to hop in but you all ignored him. 

“Alright. Let’s keep going.” He told the driver before directing his attention back to you. “Look, at least we know what we’re up against now, huh? And we’re pretty sure it’s one of the Big Three, so…”

"Aliens, androids, or wizards?” Sam spoke up just to prove to Bucky that others knew of the ‘Big Three.’

“Pretty sure.” Walker nodded.

“There’s no such thing as wizards.” Bucky exclaimed which made you cock an eyebrow at the man. You clearly missed a conversation here. 

“Then it’s aliens, or androids.” Walker shrugged as if it were obvious.

“––Or Super Soldiers.” Sam added. 

“Shit. Super Soldiers, for real?” Walker’s colleague responded with the reaction you just about expected. 

“Yeah.” Sam confirmed. 

“Wow. All right, well, then we gotta work together.” Walker’s eyebrows rose as he spoke. 

“That’s not happening.” Bucky declared.

“I think we stand a much better chance if we all just––”

“––Just ’cause you carry that shield, it doesn’t mean you’re Captain America.” Bucky cut Walker short and you were grateful for it. The man was making your head ache. 

“Look, I’ve done the work, okay?” Walker sighed. 

“You ever jump on top of a grenade?” Bucky shot back but he wasn't met with the answer he wanted. 

“Yeah. Actually, I have. Four times. It’s a thing I do with my helmet. It’s a reinforced helmet. It’s a long story, but, any… Look, it’s 20 miles to the airport. You guys need a ride.” Walker got his driver to stop. “Get in.” 

You looked back at Sam and Bucky. You hadn’t said anything yet which Sam thought was a record of yours. You chose to give in and climbed into the truck with Bucky and Sam since your body was already aching from the previous fight. 

“Okay, so we’ve got eight Super Soldiers on a bulk supply run. Why?” Walker asked, his eye on you as you sat in between Bucky and Sam. 

“They say their mission is to get things back to the way it was during the Blip. Maybe they’re just trying to help.” Sam told Walker what he knew. 

“They had a funny way of showing it.” Bucky grimaced as a bruise on his face started to form. 

“That serum doesn’t exactly have a great track record. No offence.” Walker looked over at Bucky as he hinted at the winter soldier. 

“We need to figure out where they’re going.” You wanted to shift the attention away from Bucky. 

“She speaks? I have to admit I was starting to wonder.” Walker smiled at you which only made you want to punch him even more than you already did.  

“How’d you track ’em here? The Flag Smashers?” Sam could tell you were a second away from decking the new Captain America and hopping ship so carried on the conversation. 

“Uh, no, we didn’t track them, we tracked you, uh, through Redwing.” Hoskins notified Sam. 

“You hacked my tech?” Sam was beyond irritated at this point. 

“Sorry. It’s not exactly hacking. It’s government property. Kind of the government.” Walker laughed as he gestured to himself. “Does he always just stare like that?” He stopped laughing under Bucky’s stare. 

“You get used to it.” Sam muttered. 

“Okay, look, you know, things have gotten kind of, uh––”

“––Chaotic.”Hoskins helped Walker find the word. 

“Yeah.” Walker cleared his throat. “The GRC, they’re doing the best they can to get things up and running smoothly, post Blip.”

“Reactivating citizenship, social security, healthcare. Basically just managing resources for the refugees who were displaced by the return.” Hoskins tried filling you in as if you hadn't heard about it before. The GRC propaganda was plastered across all the cities in America. 

“The Global Repatriation Council does all that. We understand but why exactly are you two here?” You questioned, cocking your head towards Walker. 

“Well, they provide the resources and we keep things stable.” Hoskins replied first.

“Yeah, violent revolutionaries aren’t usually good for anyone’s cause.” Walker added on. 

“Usually said by the people with the resources.” Sam smirked at the men. 

“Well, we got a lot of resources. If you guys, if you joined up with us, we could––”

“––No.” Bucky shut Walker down immediately. 

“I got mad respect for both of y’all. But you were getting your asses kicked till we showed up.” Hoskins wasn’t helping the situation. 

“Who are you?” Bucky asked genuinely. 

“Lemar Hoskins.” Hoskins introduced himself once again. 

“Look, I see a guy hanging out of a helicopter in tactical gear, I need a lot more than Lemar Hoskins.” Sam backed Bucky up on that one. A name was nothing in this situation.

“I’m Battlestar. John’s partner.” Hoskins nodded towards Walker and you couldn't stop the smile that spread across your lips when Bucky responded. 

“Battlestar? Stop the car!” Bucky called up ahead. 

The car slowed as it pulled into a bus stop. Bucky pushed open the door and you followed. You couldn't stand sitting in front of that man in that uniform another second longer. 

"Look, I… I get it, okay? I get the attitude, I do. You didn’t think that the shield was gonna end up here. I get it, Bucky. And I’m… “ Walker turned back to Sam. “I’m not trying to be Steve. I’m not trying to replace Steve. I’m just trying to be the best Captain America I can be. That’s it. It’d be a whole lot easier if I had Cap’s wingmen on my side.” 

Sam scoffed at Walker’s choice of words. Wingmen? He really had the audacity. 

“It’s always that last line.” Sam jumped out of the vehicle and followed you and Bucky. 

Once back on the aircraft you stripped of your weapons and jacket. 

Sam and Bucky did the same. 

You sat down on your seat and rested your head back against the wall. You needed an ice bath. Your muscles were screaming at you. 

“You alright?” Sam asked Bucky as he sat, his eyes locked on the floor. 

You opened your eyes to look over at the men. 

“Let’s take the shield, Sam. Let’s take the shield and do this ourselves.” Bucky sounded pretty decided. 

“We can’t just run up on the man, beat him up, and take it. Do you remember what happened the last time we stole it?” Sam sat up slowly as he furrowed his brow at the idea.

“Maybe.” Bucky grumbled. 

“I’ll help you in case you forgot.” Sam proclaimed, “Sharon was branded enemy of the state, and Steve and I were on the run for two years. I don’t know about you, but I don’t wanna live the rest of my life la vida loca. We just got our ass handed to us by Super Soldiers, and we got nothing.” 

Even though you did spend some time in Wakanda under protection from their government, there was a period where you were on the run with Steve and Sam and it wasn’t fun. Being pardoned after the fight against Thanos was one of the best things that happened to you; it’s what allowed you to go home. 

“Not entirely true.” Bucky pushed himself onto his feet. “There is someone that you should meet.” 

Bucky’s eyes met yours and you knew who he was talking about. 

You had seen Bucky's past. Everyone of Bucky’s memories. You had seen all the death and the pain and the fighting. You had seen the Winter Soldier and pre-world war Bucky and you had suffered for it for some time. Nightmares used to plague you but you had managed to block most stuff from your mind over the years. Especially the Winter Soldier memories because that wasn’t really Bucky; that was a weapon made by Hydra. 

You had been forced by the team to check his memories to see if he really had bombed the UN but you couldn't choose how far you looked back, you gift made you see everything from the earliest childhood memory up to that moment. 

You stood and approached Bucky.

“Are you sure about this?” You whispered, taking hold of Bucky’s forearm as you pulled him to one side.

“He should know.” Bucky’s eyes seemed so sure. You dropped your hand down from his arm to his hand and gave it a squeeze. 

“Alright then.” You pressed your lips into a thin line as you accepted his choice. 

Soon enough the route was changed and the plane turned. 

“Will you come?” Bucky asked as the door to the plane opened. 

“I’ll wait here but call me if you need me.” You didn’t feel like seeing Isaiah. Some of the time if something from Bucky’s past showed up it could trigger his memories in your own head which you didn’t particularly enjoy. 

“Alright.” Bucky sighed but left without you. 

Only a short while later you had received a phone call from Sam. 

“Hello?” You answered. 

“It’s Bucky. He’s been arrested. There was a warrant out for his arrest.” Sam informed you. 

“Why?” You were confused. Bucky had been pardoned like the rest of you for his crimes and his warrant wiped. 

“He missed his therapy session or something. I’m heading back to your, we gotta go get him out.” Sam hung up pretty quickly. 

“Why didn’t you tell anyone about the super solider?” Sam asked you as you made your way to the station. 

“I only knew because I’ve been inside Bucky’s head but if I listed off every single person Bucky has fought or killed or wronged it would take me a while.” You hated admitting that but the Winter Soldier had done a lot of damage. 

“But this was a black super soldier who rotted behind bars for years! Being experimented on like a lab rat whilst Steve sat in the ice and Bucky ran around playing secret assassin!” Sam was angry and you understood why. 

“I didn’t know he was in prison. I only knew of him as the guy Bucky fought in Goyang and lost. I figured if Bucky wanted him found then he would say. It’s not my place, they’re not my memories.” You tried to defend yourself but you knew Sam would never understand your logic. 

“How can I trust you if you’re sitting on information like that?” Sam catechised you. 

“Because you’ve trusted me for years. I say what needs to be said and if it isn't useful to us at the time then I don’t bring it up. I have so much inside of here from people that aren’t even around more. When I go inside someone’s head the memories don’t just go away. Sometimes it’s hard to tell who’s memories I’m thinking of when I look back on things. I block what I can and deal with what I can’t.” You stopped Sam in the hallway as you snapped. You couldn’t believe he was questioning whether he could trust you or not after everything. 

“I know it can be hard for you. I can’t imagine what its like but there are some things more important than others and Isaiah. Isaiah is one of them.” Sam’s words just made you turn and head to the desk. 

You tried to get as much information about Bucky but all they instructed you to do was sit and wait. 

“Sam?” A woman approached you and Sam. You lifted your head up at the sound of her voice. “I’ve heard a lot about you. I’m Dr. Raynor. I’m James’s therapist.” 

You shook hands with the woman and introduced yourself. 

“I’ve heard some about you too.” Dr. Raynor smiled as she greeted you. 

“Thank you for getting him out.” Sam thanked her as he shook her hand but she only furrowed her brow. 

“That was not me.” She told you both. 

“Christina!” You didn’t need super hearing to recognise that voice. “Good to see you again!” Walker was signing autographs as he entered the station. 

“You gotta be kidding me. You know him?” Sam only said what you were thinking. 

“Yeah, we did some field ops back in the day.” Dr Raynor looked between Sam and Walker. 

“I heard you were working with Bucky, so I thought I’d step in.” Walker approached her which made you stepped back. “Bucky’s not gonna be following a strict schedule any longer.”

“We haven’t finished our work. Who authorized this?” Dr Raynor protested. 

“Um…” Walker pointed to himself. You felt a fire flare inside of you. “He’s too valuable of an asset to have tied up. Just do whatever you got to do with him, then send him off to me. Got some unfinished business, him and I.”

Walker then pointed to you and Sam. 

“You too, Wilson. (Y/l/n). I’ll be outside.” Walker backed away, sending a wink in your direction. 

You felt Sam take hold of your wrist quickly before you could even take the chance to lunge forward. 

“Breathe.” Sam told you. “We’ll deal with that asshole later.” 

Bucky was allowed through and Dr Raynor approached him immediately.

“James, condition of your release, session now. You too, Sam.” She insisted as she headed back towards the cells from which Bucky had just come from. 

“That’s okay. I’ll be out here with (Y/n).” Sam brushed off the offer except it wasn’t an offer. 

“That wasn’t a request.” Dr Rayor warned him. 

You pushed the man forward. 

“Quicker you’re in, quicker you’re out.” You told him. 

“Why doesn’t she want you?” Sam pouted. 

“Get moving before I get bored and decide to use John Walker out there as my new punching bag. Get myself in trouble.” You tried to make the man laugh but failed. He only groaned and dragged himself inside. 

It didn’t take long for Sam to storm out of there who was swiftly followed by Bucky. 

“Hey, you okay?” You asked Sam as he returned to you. 

“Peachy.” He sneered.

You sighed and followed both men outside. 

“Well, I feel better.” Sam announced once you were all finally outside. 

“I feel awful.” Bucky muttered which made you want to take his hand but you refrained as a siren drew your attention over to Walker and his buddy. 

“Gentlemen. Lady. Good to see you again.” Walker had a smile on that you wanted to wipe clean off. “ Look, if we divide ourselves, we don’t stand a chance, you guys know that.” 

“Well do you have anything that’s actually useful?” You folded your arms across your chest as you closed in on the men.  

"Well, the leader’s name’s Karli Morgenthau. We’ve been targeting civilians who’ve been helping Karli move from place to place.” Walker started. 

“They geotagged a location, then scrambled the signal. But our satellites have found their symbol popping up in various displaced communities all across Central and Eastern Europe.” Hoskins continued. 

“We think she’s taking the medicine she just stole to one of these camps.” Walker finished. 

“Well, there are hundreds of those all over the planet since the Blip. So I guess you’ll have to look real hard.” Bucky’s glowered at the man as he leant on the cop car. 

“Good thing I have 20/20 vision, huh?” Walker smirked as he snapped back. 

“Where is she now, Walker? Do you know?” Bucky rose his voice. 

“No, we don’t know, Bucky. It’s only a matter of time before we find out.” Walker rose his voice also. 

“Things are really intense for you, aren’t they, Walker?” Bucky was being cocky. You had to stop yourself from finding it amusing. 

“Take it easy. Look, Walker’s right. It is imperative that we find them and stop them. But you guys have rules of engagement and all kind of authorizations you have to get. We’re free agents. We’re more flexible. So it wouldn’t make sense for us to work with you.” Sam interrupted and seemed to clear the air a little. You took his last words as a chance to leave but Walker wasn’t done.

“A word of advice, then.” Walker stopped you all. “Stay the hell out of my way.”

You watched the two men walk away. Your jaw clenching together to stop you from saying something you’d regret. 

“Come on.” Sam urged you on and you forced yourself to walk away. 

Once you were far enough from the station Sam asked you both what you were thinking. 

“Well, I know what we have to do. When Isaiah said ‘my people’...” Bucky was the one of out you both to speak first. 

“Oh, don’t take that to heart. That’s not what he meant.” Sam began. 

“No, he meant HYDRA. HYDRA used to be my people.” Bucky corrected him. 

“Not a chance.” You shook your head, putting your foot down. 

“Walker doesn’t have any leads.” Bucky claimed. 

“Bucky, I know where you’re going with this and I’m saying no.” You couldn’t believe he was even suggesting it. 

“He knows all of HYDRA’s secrets.” Bucky tried to reason with you. 

“Don’t you remember Siberia?” Sam also knew exactly what Bucky meant. 

Bucky nodded. 

“So you’re just gonna go sit in a room with this guy?” Sam stared at Bucky with a mixture of shock and concern. 

“Yes.” Bucky was hesitant to answer which only made you hate this idea even more. 

“Okay, then.” Sam sighed. “We’re gonna go see Zemo.” 

“No! No, we aren’t not going to see Zemo!” You demanded causing both the boys to stop. 

“(Y/n), it’s different now.” Bucky declared. 

“It’s the only lead we got.” Sam was actually on Bucky’s side. 

“What? And you think he’s just gonna help us like that?” You scoffed out of disbelief. 

“We have to try.” Bucky started to walk again. 

“I trust this guy about as far as I can throw him, Buck!” You exasperated. 

“That’s more than me.” Sam murmured but you chose to ignore it. 

“(Y/n). We’re going.” Bucky wasn't arguing anymore. It was going to happen. 

(PART 2 HERE)

Bucky Barnes Tags

@florencxs​ @mystictimetravelcolor​ @yourphotographyteen16​ @shannon-posts​​ @darkbluenovember @sexwithhiddlesbatch​

[mysticalrambling]

Hey there😄😄I hope you are doing well...You did my last request so fabulously🤩🤩So I'm back with another request😅😅It's another arranged marriage request and I think its the most bizarre request I ever had so please be patient with me😂😂 and you can decline the request if you don't feel so😅😅...Ok so here it goes..

*Steve and y/n are required to get married under the marriage law, he doesn't wants to but being the good soldier he obeys the government....they get married but steve is cold towards his wife...his teammates tell him to give his marriage a chance but he ignores them...Then the accords happen and without a care he leaves his wife behind who is heartbroken seeing all this..Then after 2 years he sees her but again he feels nothing but after the snap when he saw losses around him and he gives his marriage a second chance, he starts being civil to his wife and cares for her but they never consumated their marriage...When the time heist becomes successful Steve consumates his marriage with the reader out of happiness and she thinks all is well...Everyone returns from snap and no one dies...But steve returns the stones and stays in the past and old steve comes back.... Heartbroken Y/n refuses to meet him and leaves the compound...turns out she was pregnant with Steve's baby and doesn't wants the old steve to know so...One day old steve sees pregnant y/n who is around 7 months pregnant and realises its his baby, he apologizes but she ignores and turn away from him... He goes to get help from Scott bcz he wants to be with his wife and son now bcz he and Peggy couldn't have kids, everyone thought steve was selfish...But then he tells the truth that he never wanted to stay in past, but when he went to say goodbye to peggy, she abducted him and broke the timetravel apparatus and forced him to stay in the past...Young Steve comes back and now his son is born who is around 8 months old...He attempts to get back with his family but his wife still ignores him and doesn't let him come near her or her son...Steve regrets for not loving his wife in the past and also volunteering for returning the stones...Then one day powerbroker (Sharon) blasts the house where steve's family lived thus killing his family, in way to revenge her aunty peggy...Steve is left with nothing but pain and regret....*

Regretting His Decisions (S.R)

A/N: Thank you so much lovely and I loved the plot line. I loved writing about it and I made a few additions to the story. Hope you like it.

Steve Rogers Fanfiction (Fanfiction Master List)

Summary: You and Steve get married and he is really rude to you. Then he leaves you behind and goes back to Peggy but he doesn’t realise that you are pregnant. However, Sharon kills you and the baby to avenge her Aunt Peggy and Steve is left with nothing but pain and regret.

Warnings: Angst all the way.

._._._._.

Steve never wanted to marry you or anyone else for that matter. But the government wanted it and like a good Captain, he listened to them. It was the stupid law and he wanted to wring the neck of those who made it. The protectors of the world had to get married so that the world sees them as fellow citizens instead of humans with super powers.

All the Avengers knew that Steve was hesitant to get married and he was doing out of duty. They knew that it was unfair but they all had met you. They all loved you instantly and knew that you and Steve would hit it off. However, the only problem was that he refused to meet you. The only thing that he knew about you was your name and your job occupation. Apparently, it wasn’t worth his time to get to know his to be wife.

“You need to give it a proper chance before you form an opinion.” It was the night of your bachelor party and while everyone is blackout drunk, Steve and Tony just sat on the side couch. For a person who was getting married tomorrow, Steve looked miserable and Tony couldn’t help but interfere.

“I am doing my job and that’s all that matters.” Taking a quick sip from his glass, he didn’t even wince at the liquid burning his throat.

Sighing, Tony filled up his glass again. A drunk Steve was better than a sober one, in his opinion. “A marriage is not a job and you need to try harder.”

“You don’t get to have an opinion, Tony. You got the perfect girl and the perfect wedding.” Jealousy coursed through his veins when he realised that everyone got to be with the love of their loves while he was stuck with someone who he barely knew.

Tony was left speechless and before he could come up with a response, Steve got up from his place and made his way towards his room. Calling it a night, he dreaded the next morning. He was happy for all of his friends but he also wanted to fall in love over first coffee dates, first movie nights, the first kiss and the moment he proposed because he loved you. Not because he was obligated too.

“You ready, Stevie?” Bucky was trying to be supportive but the headache was killing him. The tequila was literally seeping out of his pores. “How are you not hungover right now?”

“I didn’t drink like a maniac last night.” Adjusting his bow tie, he took a deep breath. This was the most difficult thing that he was going to do in his life and he just wanted to be left alone for sometime. “Can I have a moment alone?”

“Are you going to run if we leave you alone?”

“I am not a quitter and you all know that.” They all filed out of the room and he just sat down on the sofa and gave himself a prep talk.

You were no better on the other hand but you were ready to give it a try. Captain America was a good man and he would make a good husband. At least, that’s what you thought. You understood that the marriage was not happening under the best of circumstances but you could give it a fair chance. Taking a deep breath, you went to join your father on the doorway. He gave you a tearful smile and linked his hands with you.

“Do you take Steve Rogers as your lawfully wedded husband?” The minister asked the much awaited question and you quietly responded with an ‘I do’. During the whole ceremony, you wanted him to look at you but his eyes kept wandering. You passed it off as nerves but little did you know that he was so repulsed by the idea of this marriage that he refused to look at his wife to be.

“You guys are finally married. Treat her well, Rogers.” Fury took you both in a bear hug while your husband just hummed in response. You were like a daughter to Fury and that is why he recommended you as Steve’s spouse. He knew that Steve was an honorable man so he would fulfill all his duties as a husband.

The whole night was spent with you both smiling and engaging in conversations with the guests. However, you both made minimum effort to talk to each other except a few stolen glances. Your feet were killing you by the end of the event but you were never the one to complain. A look of relief appeared on your face when Steve announced an end to the event and thanked everyone for coming.

“Come on.” Hurriedly meeting his steps, you sat in to the passenger seat and those were the last words that were exchanged between you. When you entered the house, he took you straight to a guest room and then left. Whatever expectations that you had for tonight were crushed and so you went to bed with tears in your eyes and your wedding dress still on you.

During the next few weeks, Steve didn’t even glance at you but whenever you made an effort to do something nice for him, he shot you off. He was not willing to give it a chance and for the first few times that you made him dinner, he just picked it up and threw it in to the trash. You were never allowed in to his room and you learned it the hard way.

One day, you just wanted to put his laundry in to his room because he was not home yet. What was the harm? But boy, were you wrong. He came home early that day and he bursted at you the moment he saw you in his room. He called you some very mean things that you do not even want to recall. That night, you cried so much that your entire pillow was soaked but you didn’t want to leave him. You were in love with him way before you were married. He was the guy who saved the world and he was a good and an ethical man. Maybe he wasn’t nice to you but he was a good man and you couldn’t disagree with that.

It wasn’t that you needed a man in your life or you were dependent on him. It was that you had feelings for the man and your parents never raised you to be a quitter. You were still hoping that it all may be alright in a few days or weeks and you could have a family together. She knew that she had to be realistic but sometimes a girl wanted hope.

“I won’t be coming home for a few days.” At least he had the courtesy to tell you this time that he was going. "I have asked some of the agents to check up on you daily so if you need anything, just ask them."

"Okay." You quickly dismissed his questioning stare because he thought that you would ask questions. However, you knew that he would be rude and you would snap at him this time. A girl could only handle so much.

A week had passed and you got daily updates from Liam and Noah regarding the civil war. You still couldn’t believe that Tony and Steve were fighting because you witnessed their friendship firsthand. They had just informed you that Steve and his team were arrested by the government and shipped off to a black sight. You wanted to go to Fury and ask him to release all of them but Liam told you that it wouldn’t work. It was out of his hands.

“What do you mean?” You couldn’t believe your ears right now. Fury came by your house instead of Liam and Noah. He informed you that Chris and the other Avengers escaped from the prison and no one knows their location. Hurt was one of the most evident feeling running through your body and you didn’t know how to respond. How could he leave without telling you anything? How could he just leave?

“There will be some investigations on you but it would be nothing serious.”

“Why?” You exclaimed.

“The government is convinced that you know their location. It will blow over in sometime.”

“I am not going to sacrifice my freedom for someone who wasn’t even bothered to tell me about all this.” The hurt quickly turned into rage.

“But (Y/N)-”

“Tell all of them that I will not be doing anything and that you all should leave me alone.” You stood up and Fury took it as his cue.

Closing the door, you don’t let yourself ponder over the throbbing ache in your chest and instead get to packing. You were going to move out of this house and leave this life in the past. You moved into your parents house and immediately shot down their questions about Steve. There was a bookstore across from a studio apartment that Tony helped you find in the next few days. You loved books and the job paid pretty well. Soon, you forgot all about Steve and your failed marriage. Of course, there were feelings that you had to bury deep inside of you but you successfully managed to move on with your life.

“Have you heard, munchkin? Cap is back.” Tony shuffled your hair as he entered the library.. Pausing for a minute to absorb his words, you got right back into arranging the magazine section. It was the last thing that you had to do before you got off for the night.

“I don’t care. Are we still on for the night?”

“Yes. Pepper is cooking for the first time. Just say that you like the food.” From the past two years, Tony has been your person. He was the one who ordered you food when you were feeling too low or who massaged your feet when you had feet sores from lugging around books all day. You were thankful to have him in your life because he was not there to support you financially, he was there to support you emotionally. Sometimes, you felt so alone that you thought you might go into depression. But he was there to pull you back and so was Pepper. They were your family.

“Okay, Tony. I already know.” Quite a few things have changed over the years such as you changing your hair color to low lights and getting bangs. You changed your sense of style and. now you were pretty much unrecognizable. It was all in hope of leaving the past and turning over a new leaf. And you were somewhat successful.

“So how was the food?”

“Awesome!” The fake, shrill voice was hard to recognise, even for you but you didn’t want to hurt Pepper’s feelings.

“I know it was not good so I ordered some pizza as a back up.”

“I love you.” A chorus sounded from Tony and you as you both hugged her and kissed her on either cheek.

“Yeah, yeah.” She quickly dismissed you both but the cheeky grin on her face was hard to hide. You called it a night when you started feeling sleepy and you said your goodbyes. Your apartment was only two blocks away so you decided to take a walk to clear your head. Steve had been on your mind since the time Tony mentioned that he was back. As much as you wanted to believe that his arrival didn’t effect you, you couldn’t deny all the feelings that came rushing back in.

“Robbins Library, how may I help you?” Without looking up, you asked the question in a fake, chirpy voice.

“Why are you not at the house?” The voice startled you from your receipt checking and you gave him a confused look. As you had time to process the question, you looked over his appearance. More muscular and a fully grown beard was an interesting look and definitely suited him.

“Well, it was not mine to begin with.”

“I left you that house so you would be comfortable.”

“I am doing just fine without it. You know, I didn’t need anything from you but love and respect.”

Steve was trying to do something nice for you but he didn’t understand you. He felt nothing towards you even if he tried. Guilt coursed through him when he saw the look of hurt on your face but he couldn’t do anything about it. “That is too much.”

“Well, I deserve it and I am not going to settle for anything less.” This time, the brain won the battle and you were secretly glad. You resumed your work and he left without saying another word.

The city was in chaos in a few days because there was an alien invasion in place. The Avengers were all over the problem but Pepper and you were panicked. However, the only difference was that she could ask about Tony’s whereabouts and you couldn’t do that for your husband. There were no updates for you and when Noah came to get you both with a battered suit, you were worried.

Walking towards the tower, you realised that many people were crying but the most important thing was that it looked like half of the population was gone. There were a lot of things that you didn’t understand right now but only one thing mattered. One person. Steve. You ran towards the tower and when you saw him sitting on a chair with his head in his hands.

“What happened?” The logical part of your brain started working right on time.

“We couldn’t prevent the snap and Thor escaped.”

You didn’t know what it all meant but it was definitely something bad. “So what does it mean?”

“It means that half of the human population have disappeared. It means that half of our friends, families, loved ones have disappeared. It means that I have failed!”

“Why are you getting angry at me?”

“Just leave me alone.”

“Do not speak to me like that. I do not deserve it. When you are in the right frame of mind, come talk to me.” You were not the person that suffered silently. You were the person who knew. what she wanted and how she should be treated.

Going outside, you called your parents but it just went to voicemail. However, busy they might have been, they always picked up their phone. So you knew that they were gone too. You were alone in this world and you didn’t know what to do. In the far distance, you saw Tony and Pepper hugging and you were happy to see that your best friend was not gone.

With tears running down your eyes, you turned back and collided into a firm chest. Looking up, you saw Steve and you just wanted someone to be with you right now. That’s what Steve also wanted because he felt like a failure right now. He wanted to give the marriage another chance as he thought that it was a miracle that you both were still here after the snap. It was not fair on you but he just needed someone and so did you. It was a fair trade.

“I just don’t want to be alone right now, Steve.”

“Me too. Let’s go upstairs.” You both just silently hugged each other and kept staring out into the Manhattan skyline. You knew that he didn’t have any feelings towards you and you cared about that. But not today. Today, you wanted to just lie down and soak up in his presence because he was the only one left for you.

He brought you breakfast in bed the next morning and he took you to all the meetings. You were confused as to why he was doing all of it and when you asked him, his answer was ‘I am trying’. You didn’t get your hopes high because you knew that it would be pathetic. This was going to be temporary and you just knew it. However, you just wanted a companion so you rolled with the situation.

“We can work around quantum physics and get all of our friends back.” He informed you over the ice cream that you were sharing. A Netflix movie ran in the background because it was a Saturday and it was a routine for you both.

“That’s a really good thing.”

“We are going to do it tomorrow.”

“Nice. I am going to bed. Are you coming?” He mumbled out a small yes and picked up all the dishes to put them in the sink.

The whole day tomorrow you clinged by your phone and called your parent’s number after every fifteen minutes. You looked crazy by the end of the day but when they finally picked up, you couldn’t explain the joy that coursed through your whole body. Talking to them for hours, you promised that you would visit them and you cancelled the call.

Steve came back with a bottle of wine in his hands to celebrate. “We were successful. The world is saved. Cheers!”

“Cheers!” Both your happiness knew no bounds and after a few many glasses, you both were dancing to Taylor Swift songs. By the end of the night, you two were truly drunk and one thing led to another. You woke up the next morning with sheets wrapped around your frame and the pillow beside you crumpled but cold. You regretted the night so much because you knew that he did not have the same feelings for you.

The whole day, you spent cleaning the apartment as there were empty bottles of alcohol laying around. Then you went to the library and today was a busy day because many people wanted an update for the past five years of their lives. It kept you distracted from everything and when Tony came in, it was like the past repeating itself. He told you that Steve went to place the stones back but he came back as old.

You stopped listening to him after sometime as your mind tried to process what was happening. He betrayed you. Again. You were preparing yourself for the hurt whole day but this was totally unexpected. You knew what to do so it was a good thing. Detach yourself from the situation and do damage control. That was your motto for the next seven months and you refused to meet him even after you found out you were pregnant.

“You are in the mood of some ice cream with pickles, hmm little bean?” Rubbing your round belly, you walked towards the snacks aisle. The flavored pickle was on the top shelf but it was out of your reach. A wrinkly hand from behind picked up the jar and when you turned around to thank him, your voice was stuck in your throat. There stood your husband but the older version. The wrinkled face still held some similarities to the young captain but he had a slight hunch and grey hair.

“(Y/N), is that you? Are you- You are pregnant?” The question in his eyes was pretty evident.

“Seven months.” You curtly spoke and wheeled the trolly towards the check out. He quickly figured out the timeline and felt guilty. It was his baby and he left you alone. He caught up to you when you were bagging the groceries.

“I am sorry, (Y/N). I didn’t know. If I could change everything, I would. Please give me another chance.”

“You chose Peggy so you don’t get to come back in my life. Leave us alone. It would be a favor for this child if he never gets to know you.” Telling him off made you feel a whole lot better and you went towards your car.

Seeing you leave, Steve knew that he had to make things right. He went to the compound where all the Avengers were lounging around.

“I thought you had retired, Cap.” Peter called out from playing his video game with Bucky.

“I want your help, Scott. I want to go back to my old self.”

“Why, Captain? Got bored of the grandfather look?” Tony asked while stuffing his mouth with buttered popcorn.

“No. I just found out that my wife is pregnant and I want to be there for them.”

“That’s sweet but why? You already had your chance with Peggy.” Natasha wasn’t very happy with Steve right now but they all had the same question running through their minds.

“Peggy and I couldn’t have kids.”

“So you are using (Y/N) and this kid as a replacement. That’s just selfish, Steve.” Everyone gave him a disgusted look because they couldn’t believe that he was just using you and the child to fill a hole in his life. Not because he loved you both.

“That’s not true. I didn’t want to stay in the past with Peggy but she forced me to. She broke the time machine apparatus and I had no other choice but to accept that life.” He looked at all of them and saw that they all were listening to him. “I made a time machine the whole time I was there and when it was complete, I got the hell out of there.”

“Oh, Steve. We are so sorry. Of course, we will all help you.” Hugging him tight, Nat spoke on behalf of all the others. The machine was all ready to go so Steve stood in the middle of it with Scott. They had to go back and fixed the machine’s timing and it would take some months to do all that.

Meanwhile, you got back home and unpacked all the groceries. Your hormones were running wild at the moment as you sat on the sofa with your swollen feet on the coffee table. You wanted a companion sometimes who would massage your back or who would call you pretty when you were feeling insecure about yourself or who would bring you food at four a.m. But this was a dream and you gave up on it a long time ago. You were enough for your baby and that was a fact.

When Steve came back, 10 months had passed by. You had given birth to a beautiful baby boy after a 21 hour labour. You cried and even though you had your mom with you, you still called out for Steve. You wanted him with you and afterwards, when you held that boy in your hand, you wanted Steve to be there with you to enjoy the moment. However, it was the last time his name even came out of your month.

“Oliver, you need to eat, bubba.” The last 8 months have been a rollercoaster ride for you and you knew through Tony and Pepper that Steve had gone back in time. You didn’t bother with the details because you had another human being to worry about.

“Nooooo.” This one word was the kid’s favorite and everyone of his sentence started with it. You were interrupted in the middle by the doorbell. Picking up your child from the high chair, you made your way through the house towards the door.

“What are you doing here?” Steve looked the same age as you so you knew that the time machine trip was successful. But you saw red. He didn’t deserve you or Oliver.

“(Y/N), is- is that him?” The blubbering baby did not even pay attention to his father and kept on pulling your hair. He was an exact replica of Steve from the dirty blonde hair to the charming smile. A literal reminder for you but you loved this little boy to death.

“Yes and now go away. We don’t need you.” Looking at the baby, he regretted the day he made the decision to be the one to return the stones. He regretted the fact that he did not allow himself to love you. He regretted everything. “Do not come near us. Goodbye.”

You went on with your week as per usual with feeding Ollie in the morning and taking him to the library with you where he had his own play pen. Then getting light lunch across the street and coming back home to take a nap for a few hours. Afterwards, you both ate dinner while Oliver’s favorite cartoons played on the tv. Except for the fact that Steve was at your house, your job and your cafe from the day he came back. He tried to apologize but the years that you spent in agony was too much. It was too little, too late.

It was a Sunday afternoon and by some miracle, Steve had left you alone. He had a meeting with the other Avengers regarding Asgard today. You were just playing with Oliver on his mat as he tried to crawl towards the stuffed toys in your hands. Before you picked him up, you thought that you smelt gas. However, a loud explosion threw you in to the nearest wall and you knew that your time was here. During the last few breaths, you tried to find Oliver but you couldn’t move. Mentally calling out for Steve, your gaze became unfocused and you lost conscious.

“Wha-What happened?” Steve knew that there was a bomb blast and he wanted to hope against all hope that you both were safe. However, the two body bags wheeled out of the burnt down house had him fall to his knees.

“There was an explosion and we caught Agent Sharon fleeing the scene.”

Sharon had confessed that she wanted to have revenge on Steve for cheating on her aunt Peggy. The new family that Steve had was a disgrace to her Aunt’s memories so she murdered them. She had gone a little crazy because Peggy was the one who take care of her when she was a child and she felt that Steve betrayed her.

Steve didn’t know what to do with his life at the moment. He was left all alone and his family was snatched away from him. He didn’t get a chance to be with them and now he was left with nothing but pain and regret. Trying to convince Fury to let him go back in time and prevent the explosion was futile because Fury just told him that this would upset the balance of nature. He didn’t understand it at first but then as time passed, he did. All the toys and photos that were salvaged from the house now decorated Steve’s very lonely apartment and he never let himself forget.

This was his punishment and he was not going to run away from it. Not this time.

Hope you guys enjoyed it!!

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A/N: I loved writing about Steve but I am no longer taking requests for some days. I actually have some of my drafts that I want to complete. You can send in requests but it will take some days for me to get to them:) Love you guys and do tell me if you want to be added to my taglist.

Taglist: @kalopsia-flaneur, @justile

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[simsadventures]

Panopticon: Chapter 27: War Path

Alpha Steve x Omega Reader

Summary: Steve is livid and tries to find you but somebody keeps putting obstacles in his way. You, on the other hand, get to meet the devils and learn some harsh truths.

Warnings: a/b/o dynamics, angst, abduction, slight mentions of torture, life in captivity, lying, swearing, mentions of violence against women, shitty people in general, loads of feels, I would hope, mentions of suicide, mentions of death

Word Count: 3800

A/N: Du dun… Who is ready for some angst? Many of you weren’t happy that we’re taking this route, but it needed to happen because the world is full of assholes who try to make people unhappy. Anyway, so excited about this one, and I can’t wait for you to tell me what you thought. Love you all!! xx

Series Masterlist __ Masterlist 

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“That won’t help to find my Omega, so no!” Steve yelled across the whole room, and even the experienced Alpha fighters gathered in the room couldn’t help but shudder at Steve’s authoritative voice. They were trying to help, coming up with new ideas to try and bring the Circle down, or at least make somebody from the inside communicate with them to tell Steve and his team the location of his Omega. But no idea was good enough for Steve. 

It had been four days. Four days without his precious Omega, and Steve felt like he was slowly losing his mind. He desperately needed you next to him, just to feel your warm, soft skin pressed against his, or to see the light in your eyes whenever you looked at him. But he had nothing. 

He often saw broken Alphas after all that went down on Earth a few years ago, and while he couldn’t really imagine what they must have been feeling at that time, walking like dead men, some of them on the brink of death because they just couldn’t handle their lives without their loved ones, Steve understood it all now. 

He knew he had to concentrate because he felt you in his veins, felt that you were alright considering the circumstances and, most importantly, that you were still alive. That was the sole reason why he didn’t end it yet. But he was hanging on a thread because each day and night he had to spend without you, his mind was going just a little more insane. He was hearing your voice and this morning, he even saw you standing by the bed. He was elated, but when he blinked a few more times, he realised that it was his brain playing tricks on him and that none of what had happened was just a nightmare. 

Moreover, he had to orchestrate a funeral for Peter and Gamora. The sadness over their loss was embedded deep in Steve’s soul, and he knew he would never get over it, even if he got you back. When he got you back, he scolded himself every time he thought of it, but it was to no avail. The desperation and pain seeped deep into his bones, and the once positive Alpha, who used to be full of life was just a walking shell of numbness. 

Sam and Bucky tried to pick up the mood in the room now and then, but they knew all too well that there was nothing they could say or do to make the situation better. The only thing Steve really needed was to get you back, and they empathised with him. Moments after the realisation hit them that you were indeed gone, they rushed to their own huts to check on their own mates. Their bonds felt fine, but the fucked-up situation got into their heads, and they needed to see their loves for themselves. Both Meera and Tina were sitting comfortably in their houses, unaware of the terror going on just mere meters away from them. They all spent the afternoon scenting and crying, their hearts clenching for their friend who was lost in his thoughts and his pain. 

But Steve tried to come up with a solution. He knew Rumlow would take you somewhere far, but not far enough not to brag about it. The circle was almost a day drive so Steve would have bet Rumlow’s hiding place was somewhere between his own house and the hell house they called the Omega haven. But that was still too much land to cover just by foot or by car, since there were so many abandoned houses and warehouses, not even talking about all the hidden places deep in the forests. So, just going somewhere blindly was not an option. 

Then, he thought of using what was left of the functioning camera system between the city and his lands, trying to see if he could pinpoint at least the direction where Rumlow and his team went. But he came up with nothing since most of the cameras had been destroyed soon after the war had started. 

Steve even thought of taking some military dogs and making them sniff your clothes to find you, but that would mean hundreds of kilometres to search, and that was just impossible. Every single thing Steve came up with was a nonsense, and the longer he couldn’t figure out how to find you, the more desperate and angry he had become. His people knew it was nothing personal, but his yelling and blaming was sometimes too difficult to bear for any of them. Steve knew he was being a dick, and he apologised every time his nerves got the better of him, but it was like he couldn’t do anything about it. 

It was when Bucky spoke up with a guilty look that Steve finally got a good idea from somebody. Not that he particularly liked it, but it was something useful at last, and Steve was actually quite angry with himself for not thinking of it sooner. The idea was to call Peggy because she was always able to find Rumlow a little easier than the rest of the world. How that worked exactly Steve never asked, because Peggy was one of those who kept their work pretty shut, and she wouldn’t brag or even talk about it, so Steve had barely any idea of what Peggy really did. There used to be times when he minded when it drove him up the wall, but not anymore. He didn’t care how she did it, the only thing Steve needed was to get you back. 

He called her almost immediately, listening to her smooth voice as she assured him that she would devote a majority of her time to help him because, after all, she still cared for him very much. Steve thanked her from the bottom of his heart and resolved to wait for her to come back to him since there was literally nothing else to do for him but to wallow in his pain. 

Surprisingly, it only took a few hours for Peggy to reach out and tell Steve that she might have found him. His heart started beating like crazy as if feeling that he might be getting you in his arms sooner than he expected. Peggy told him that she got the memo that Rumlow was hiding in an old warehouse south of the manor, around 70 kms away, and Steve just growled, knowing he was kind of right in his assumptions. He quickly gathered his team, not really speaking much, but they all understood. This was a life or death mission because most of the team was sure Steve wouldn’t survive that if they didn’t find you. 

Steve pretty much jumped out of a moving car when they neared the building, and he got to work immediately, going into the commander mode, assigning roles and talking strategy for when they would come in contact with Rumlow’s team. Everything was meticulously planned, and Steve had a good feeling about that. The only issue was that he couldn’t smell you. But he simply thought that he was still far enough to be able to do that and that they were probably keeping you in some shutoff room.

The closer to the building they got, however, the weirder the whole situation felt. No men were standing outside on the lookout, there were no specific smells to tell the team that there were indeed people hiding inside, and when they finally got in, they found the place completely empty. 

They rummaged through all the rooms, even in the basement and on the roof, but the only thing they got was some cloth lightly smelling like Rumlow, but not enough to tell them how long ago he was at the warehouse. Steve screamed in frustration because there was no sign of you, not even a hint of your smell that he so helplessly craved. 

Bucky and Sam shared distressed looks before they each grabbed Steve from one side and brought him back to the car, hollering at the whole team that the mission was over and that they needed to come back home. Steve didn’t speak the entire ride back, just staring out of the window, thinking of all the times you two would take such rides to and from the city, always discussing new books or just sharing stories from your youths. Steve now found that he took these moments for granted. He enjoyed them, sure, but not enough. There was the nagging voice telling him that he should have done more, that he ought to have taken you with him to that fucking meeting, and none of this would have happened. 

“Stop it, punk. None of this is your fault so stop with the self-blaming and call Peggy to tell you what the fuck happened that her tip wasn’t true,” Bucky interjected Steve’s thoughts, and as many times before, Steve wondered whether Bucky could just read him like an open book or if he had a direct link to his brain. Steve shook his head and dialled the number. 

“So, happily ever after?” Peggy said smugly, and if she stood anywhere near Steve, he swore he would have hit her. 

“Nothing and nobody’s fucking happy, Peggy. Nobody was there except for some piece of cloth that was supposed to smell like Rumlow. Who the fuck gave you this tip? I need to find my Omega, and I don’t have the time to drive around the city and march into every single abandoned building just because you have a hunch. I need real information, Peggy, and if you can’t give that to me, then you’re just wasting my time,” Steve said more tiredly than anything else, but Peggy’s face contorted in annoyance on the other end of the line. 

“I never waste your time, Stevie, you remember that. Look, I thought the info was top-notch, but I’ll keep looking. How about I come to your place, and we can think of a plan together?” 

“Yeah, yeah whatever, it definitely can’t harm us. I’ll be expecting you,” Steve sighed and hung up, nodding at Sam who was watching him through the rearview mirror. 

“Peggy said she’d come and help from the mansion. I mean, I’d rather have the whole fucking team together looking for Y/N, but I can’t fly everyone here from god-knows-where, so anyone who wants to join in is welcomed.” 

Sam nodded but didn’t like it one bit. He understood that Steve was desperate, but Peggy was and had always been bad news, and Sam had a hard time trusting her even back in the days when they had to fight side to side. All the secrecy surrounding her just stank, and Sam was sure he’d keep an eye on her, just in case. He wanted everything to go over smoothly for Steve, and nobody needed a sneaky bitch who would throw them under a train the second she got a better deal from the opposing side. 

You let your hand slide on the ground underneath you. It was rough with what felt like small rocks that were cutting you in the palm. You were seated, and your whole body hurt since you have been in this position for hours. Nobody talked to you since they killed your friends and abducted you. They just blindfolded you and tied you up, changing positions every few hours probably to disorient you since you doubted anybody really cared how comfortable you were. All you could do was rely on your senses and learn as much about your surroundings as you could. You weren’t even sure why you cared, but your brain couldn’t take thinking about anything related to Steve, so you busied it by making sure you knew everything you could. 

You learned that there were three places they would keep you in. You presumed that they were all in one room, but they changed whether you were sitting or lying down. You weren’t even sure what time it was and slept when they put you laid you down. Nobody ever touched you inappropriately, and that’s how you assumed not one of those people was Rumlow. 

The first place they would let you sit in was in an old crinkly chair made of rough wood as you had a few splinters from rubbing your hands against the arm-holders. It had four metal legs, and from the sounds, it made every time you shifted, you thought it was a rather old and overused piece of furniture. 

The second place was where you were sitting now. It was by the wall, which was cold and smelt of moss, and you even though you sensed death a few times, you knew that was just your exhausted brain playing games with you. The ground was full of rocks and shards of glass, so it was your least favourite place to be of the three. The ground was colder than all the other areas, and every time they made you stand up, there was a wet patch where your ass touched the ground as the coldness accumulated against your hot body, making you wish you could just change. But your abductees would never answer to your pleas, so after what you assumed were a few days, you just gave up asking them altogether. 

The third place was a makeshift bed, created out of a few pieces of wood pushed together and an old and smelly mattress. You tried to ignore all that the smell evoked in you, but you sometimes choked on your own saliva as you shifted and changed position, getting another whiff of what smelt like a hundred of butts and sweat. But it was a mattress, and you could get a few hours of sleep, so you couldn’t dwell on the details. 

When you found out everything there was with your surroundings you tried to pay attention to your abductors. And while you couldn’t say precisely how many there were, you had a pretty good idea. As you were an Omega, blindfolded and cuffed, they always came alone, and you recognised each of the people by their steps. There were four of them, each of them having differences in their weight, the length of their steps and the carefulness with which they handled you. That’s how you came up with the number of four. 

Number two was by far your favourite. They (you assumed it was a he but you couldn’t be sure) would always leave you alone even when you needed to use the bathroom. You knew they were in the room, but they had the decency to at least not physically touch you, and, in your mind, you created this picture that the person even turned around to leave you to do your business. They would also give you the biggest amount of water, seeing how you were parched because number four was a complete asshole and would always allow only a gulp before he drastically took the cup away from your mouth. 

And that was your days, filled with diverting your brain from thinking about the graver questions, like where were you, would Steve ever find you, what did they want from you, etc. Every time any of those popped up in your head, you choked up, and had to start touching your surroundings or else you’d have gone insane by now. 

It was when number three was supposed to come and let you sleep that you heard it. It was faint, but your ears perked up at anything that wasn’t your own breath or the sound of boots of your abductors hitting the ground. And this was neither. These were human voices talking about something behind the door. Your heart-rate picked up immediately because, while you hated the routine of four guards and three positions, you also knew that routine was good. Anything that was out of the routine could possibly mean death to you, and you tried to do anything to avoid that. The voices grew nearer, and you shuddered involuntarily, bracing yourself. 

When the door opened, the cold air hit your face, and you hid it between your shoulder blades. 

“Well, well, well, here is the famous Omega the world is searching for. You look so pathetic, it’s actually quite funny,” you heard a female voice say, and your brows knitted together. You heard it before, you just couldn’t place the voice for the life of you. 

“Yeah, well, the sooner she stops pining for that pathetic excuse of an Alpha and becomes mine, she will look much better. I mean, not that anybody’s gonna see her since she is just an Omega pussy, but she is my Omega pussy, so,” the man trailed off, and you didn’t have to think to place this voice. This voice haunted your worst nightmares, so you were pretty familiar with it. 

Rumlow

“Whatever, Rumlow. All we need is to get rid of her mating mark, and we’ll be good. Steve called me and found the warehouse where I sent him empty, and I, as a devoted friend, told him I’d help him from the mansion so I’ll have easy access to him and I will divert him from here if need be. You just need to do what you must so that I can have him back,” the woman spat, and it was as if a light bulb switched on. God, you felt stupid for not suspecting she had her ugly fingers in this. Fucking Peggy who obviously wanted Steve back even when she visited him all those months ago. 

And while it was nice that Steve didn’t feel the same, this woman was clearly a maniac, and she wouldn’t stop at anything to get what she wanted. 

But, there was one more thing that caught your attention. They wanted to get rid of your mating mark, and the thought paralysed your whole body. There were only a few ways to do that to any mated couple, and none of them was humane or accepted by most people. You’ve heard of Omegas trying to sever their bonds as they didn’t like who chose them, and so they cut a clean line across their mark, but even then the bond couldn’t be severed completely. There was also the option of just biting an Omega hard enough where their mates’ mark was, and trying to beat mark with a mark. 

You also heard that true mates were inseparable, and while Bruce told you that you were true mates, you could never know for sure. The inseparableness of true mates could just as well be some old maid tales, it was one of the things your mother used to tell you, but you had no idea where the truth was. 

The only thing you did know was that however they wanted to do it, you would go through hell, both physically and mentally, and that there was a more than likely chance that you would die in the process. 

“You’re not afraid she’ll die on you?” Peggy asked more curious than concerned because, for her plan to work, your ties with Steve had to be cut. She would have preferred killing you since it was easier, quicker and with long-lasting results. But Rumlow had been obsessed with you ever since he lost the fight with Steve back at the Circle. When Peggy heard about it, she just scoffed and told him he was an idiot, because if he would have called her, she could have just snuck you out without anyone knowing and they wouldn’t have been in this mess. 

“I mean, there’s always the possibility, but I’m not letting her run around with his mark. I wouldn’t like pounding a pussy marked by somebody else. Besides, she’s stronger than she looks, isn’t it right, pussycat?” Rumlow asked, for the first time addressing you. But you knew better than to talk, so you just remained quiet, and from the low hum coming from his mouth, you assumed it was a good decision. 

“And what if that bullshit about true mates is real?” 

“Oh, please, not you too. Nothing like true mates exists, Peggy, I told you. Some just smell nicer to particular individuals than others, that’s it. I don’t even know why we’re losing time talking about this. Go and do whatever you want with Steve and his estate and I’ll just do what I want with this one,” Rumlow rumbled, and the next thing you heard was the clicking of high-heels against the hard floor, leaving you alone in the room with the devil. 

“Now, sweetheart, I think we should begin, hm?”

“Oh, Stevie, you don’t look good. Here, let me bring you to your bedroom so you can rest and the team and I will search for your mate in the meantime, hm?” Peggy suggested nicely, and Steve nodded, happy there was somebody who could possibly save you. But before she put her claws on his arm, Sam appeared out of nowhere and stopped her hand. She hissed like a cat and Sam gave her an are-you-fucking-kidding-me look. 

“I think it would be better if you stayed down here, Peggy, as you said, you are such a valuable asset to this team that I wouldn’t want to you to waste your time by going with Steve here. I will accompany him to his bedroom so that he can get some sleep, and, meanwhile, you can work with Bucky,” Sam smirked but didn’t wait for her response as he led Steve towards the staircase and up to his bedroom. There was no fucking way in hell Sam would let Peggy be with Steve alone. And since he shared his worries with Bucky, there were two of them looking out for their best friend, which left Peggy in a tough position. 

She watched Sam and Steve leave the room, and Bucky would laugh hadn’t it been such a delicate situation, because Peggy really looked like the Goddess of Revenge. That just further proved Sam’s theory about Peggy being fishy, to say the least, and Bucky was starting to question whether she didn’t have something to do with your disappearance. 

Peggy saw right through them, and she smirked to herself. If they wanted to play games with her, so be it. She would get Steve alone and inject the serum in him she had been making for so long, and they would finally live happily ever after. Just like they were supposed to. All she needed was to stay close to Steve for a couple of days, get him alone enough times, and he would be all hers. 

/ Next Chapter > 

Tags will be in reblogs xx

[astro-rain]

delicate; b.barnes

chapter one - “to wakanda”

delicate masterlist

word count: 1.5k

synopsis: reader works for what used to be shield as a highly skilled neuropsychologist. after the events in vienna involving the sokovia accords and a bombing, she gets an interesting request from friend and coworker sharon carter...a request involving none other than steve rogers and james barnes.

warnings: brief and indirect mentions of abuse/trauma

pairings: bucky x fem!reader

"I don't know Sharon. Are you sure I'm really the right person for this? I'm not, like, an Avengers level tech. Are you sure they don't want a genius or someone like Stark to do it?"

"Well, Stark is pretty busy right now, and honestly, no one knows psych like you. Not who I've met anyway."

"That is so not true. I'm willing to bet there's tons of other people you guys got somewhere who are ten times what I am."

"Agent (Y/L/N), in case you missed it, SHIELD isn't what it used to be. Sure we have old agents who aren't formally 'SHIELD agents,' anymore, but we don't have the expendability we used to. You're our best bet at the moment."

"Damn. I'm your best bet. I'm sorry," she almost chuckled, but then she thought for a brief moment. "Are you sure this is completely necessary? I mean, I saw the photo on the news. The quality's poor at best, and..."

She leaned in, discretely, and whispered.

"...not to seem like a conspiracy theorist commie or anything, but it kinda seems like people are jumping to conclusions here. Are we even sure it was Barnes who set off the bomb?"

Sharon looked around them, cautiously. No one seemed to be listening, but she scanned the room like her life as she knew it was hanging in the balance. She weighed her words in her head, making sure she picked the right ones, then formulated a response appropriate.

"Regardless of if it was him or not, Barnes still escaped. and before that, Ste-we'd been looking for him for almost two years. This analysis is necessary," Sharon brought her voice down even lower. "At least that's what I keep being told. Of course I'd like there to be more solid proof, but I'm not in charge here. He's gone, and they want to be able to find him and 'sort things out.'"

"'Sort things out,'" (Y/N) repeated, questioning the genuineness of whomever told Sharon that. "Unless they have hard evidence that it was him who set off the bomb in Vienna, shouldn't they leave that to uh...Captain America?"

She wondered how Barnes was able to escape in the first place. She saw the containment module he was in; there's no way he could've gotten out without a fight. ...But maybe it wasn't a fight. Perhaps it was a trigger word induced rage. (Y/N) understood a basic layout of the "Winter Soldier." SHIELD would've kept any information they had classified. However, after the fiasco in Washington, d.c. with Hydra and the whole releasing of all files predicament, she was able, with Sharon's help, to put together a simple outline. With that being said, he couldn't have broken out without going Winter Soldier mode. But doesn't someone need the trigger words for that?

“That's what a reasonable person would think, but once again, I'm not in charge," Sharon shrugged. "Things would probably be going a lot smoother if I was, but you can't have everything."

(Y/N) cracked a smile. Sharon was a friend, and a good one too. They'd known each other since before SHIELD was shattered in 2014. In fact, Sharon helped train her.

The only thing was: Sharon was a higher ranking agent and often withheld certain information from (Y/N). It frustrated her. This was where their personal boundaries got in the way of their professional ones.

She could tell there was something Sharon wasn't telling her, but she wasn't about to compromise either of their positions by pushing for information she wasn't supposed to know. Hell, maybe even Sharon knows something she isn't supposed to. Or maybe she knows something that Everett Ross wouldn't like. What if she was keeping something from him? Defying him? What if she was working with Steve Rogers? Now that would be interesting.

(Y/N) was used to secrets around her all the time. She knew Sharon had her fair share, and trying to figure them out wouldn't really get her anywhere.

"Right. Okay. Well, I'll get on this then. Thanks, Agent Carter," she teased in late response to Sharon's 'Agent (Y/N).’

Sharon offered a quick smile before walking off to attend to other business.

- - -

Pain. That was all it was. In every sense of the word. As she strenously made her way through the densely packed file of one James Buchanan Barnes, pain was all she could see. All she could read. It leaked out of the page and seeped into her skin like poison.

It was horrific what they did to him. She knew he had his memory wiped, had someone pull him out and stick someone else in. But it was more than just that. They took his past, his memories, his thoughts; and they ripped them from his mind, leaving an empty space to mold into their own. It was after this when Hydra, in every way they could, dehumanized him, made him less than. He was striped of his freedom, his control, his choice, his humanity, of everything that made him him. They beat and bruised and broke it out this empty human shell until he was nothing but a shadow of faded morality and consciousness.

But hell, she couldn't look away. She was glued to the aftershock of this horrible wreckage. All the years of studying Psychology and Neuroscience couldn't have possibly prepared her for the absolute horror that was his past, his abuse, his torture. It was heinous. Frankly, she questioned how he was still alive. How he still had the will and the drive to be alive. How do you live after that?

"Fuck," she breathed after eons of silence.

She seemed to lose her sense of time whilst she was immersed in the harrowing nightmare of Hydra's cruelty. 'Cruelty' doesn't even come close to doing it justice. When she came to, her desk looked like a bomb went off. Papers were bursting out of manilla folders, littering the linoleum surface with classified files and secret information. She leaned back in her chair, and gave herself a minute to debrief.

(Y/N) almost felt guilty, like she things she looked at were so vile, so violating that she didn't have the right to see them. Sure, she had read and analyzed all sorts of trauma and psychological profiles. But he was different. Something about James Barnes was different. It tangled her mind the fact that a person could endure all that. She could only imagine the effect that would have on the human brain. The possibilities are endless. Suddenly bombing the UN didn't seem so far fetched.

- - -

"Jesus Christ," (Y/N) murmured, staring at her office floor as Sharon finished explaining to her what happened at the Leipzig Halle Airport.

She sat mostly in silence as she pondered over the information just fed to her. Apparently Tony Stark gathered a 'team' to try and intercept Captain America - sorry - Steve Rogers and his (supposed) fugitive friend. It was chaos.

"What is this? Fuckin' Avengers Fight Night?" she wondered aloud. "How many people did you say were there?"

"Twelve total," Sharon clarified. "Five with Stark and five with Steve."

The psychologist shook her head, dumbfounded. "How did it end?"

"Steve and Barnes got out, but everyone else with them were captured and sent to the Raft."

"The Raft?!" (Y/N) exclaimed. "That's for, like, super humans! Not people like Sam Wilson or Clint Barton!"

"You're telling me."

Sharon seemed in agreement with everything she was saying. However, there was something she couldn't quite place. Like she was holding back. But holding back what?

"So what of Rogers and Barnes?" (Y/N) pushed.

Sharon got up and closed the office door before returning to her seat, leaning in, and lowering her voice. This secretive woman, god damn it.

"Well... That's what I came to talk to you about."

Oh boy. She didn't have a semblance of a single idea of what to expect. Apparently Sharon noticed.

"We're the only ones that know this. They're fine..." the agent trailed off, "They're in Wakanda, but they need a little help."

"Are you leaving?!" (Y/N) all but yelled before quickly slapping a hand over her mouth and uncovering it only to whisper, "Do you and Rogers have a thing or something? Cause' I don't know how else you would know all of this when I'm sure that no one else does considering he's now an enemy of several governments!"

"My relations with Steve Rogers are not the focus here." She could've sworn Sharon flushed. "But we have been in contact; I'm one of the few people he can trust right now, and I don't plan on letting him down anytime soon."

They totally have a thing.

"Noted," said (Y/N) with a nod, "but why are you telling me this? Does he want the profile analysis or something? I don't see how he would need it if he's known Barnes for however long."

"Not exactly..." Sharon fidgeted with her hands. "We need you to go to Wakanda.”

-

[A/N:] this is a repost of chapter 1 because my masterlist is being fucky

[beyondspaceandstars]

While You Sleep

Chapter 7

Relationship: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warnings: fluff, mentions of violence Summary: Soulmate!AU - Throughout life, you’re given glimpses of your soulmate through dreams. As you sleep, memories flash in your mind showing you the life your soulmate has lived. Everyone around you raves about how their soulmate reads great books or volunteers in their spare time. But you can’t relate as your dreams end up being more like nightmares. Through initial images of death and violence, you come to learn your soulmate is the Winter Soldier.

(a/n: i know the ending is ehh but i promise more will be explored in the next chapter <3

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Your giddiness from the morning carried into the afternoon. You felt like you were floating half the time. The orders flying in flew out too as you moved flawless and happily through your work. Even when some customers would come up insisting their drink wasn’t correct, you accepted the complaint and happily presented a fresh cup. It was impeccable. A combination of feeling rested and feeling like you had someone. 

You were at the tail-end of a rush when Steve came into the shop. He didn’t get in line, though, and instead took the last seat at the counter, watching you float about cheerfully. 

You glanced up from the espresso machine. “Good morning, Steve.”

“Good morning,” he greeted back, watching you froth some milk for the newly brewed espresso. 

You started pouring the milk into the cup, moving your hand delicately attempting to create some kind of pattern. “No coffee today?”

Steve shook his head as you placed the order under the pick-up sign and called out the name on the cup. You had a second to breathe and placed yourself back in front of Steve.

“I actually came to see how everything was going.”

You playfully rolled your eyes, a little smirk tugging at your lips. “I may be new to the whole soulmate thing but I am not clueless when it comes to friends. I’m sure Bucky is sharing everything.” You turned to start wiping down your workspace.

Steve frowned, “Bucky hasn’t told me anything.”

Your movements stopped. Brows furrowed in confusion, you asked, “He hasn’t said anything about me?” 

Steve shook his head. “I just think he’s nervous. Probably wants to keep you for himself right now. I hear some soulmates can get like that at first.”

“Oh,” you hummed. “Well I can try to fill you in but there’s not much to discuss really. It's only been like a day. Dinner was lovely, though. Thank you for that, by the way.” Steve smiled. You continued, “He walked me home that night which was very kind, and then this morning he surprised me. He was waiting outside my apartment building to walk me to work.”

Steve’s jaw went slack. “Bucky walked you to work? Here?”

You nodded, maybe a bit too enthusiastically but you couldn’t help yourself. “We had a lovely walk and chatted along the way.” He stared at you as if waiting. “Steve, I’m not going to tell you what we talked about.”

Steve let out a light chuckle, throwing his hands up dramatically in defeat. “Alright, alright,” he said, “I won’t pry but can you blame a man for trying? My best friend is finally learning about his soulmate. That’s big for anyone but for Bucky in particular...”

You couldn’t help the blush creeping up on your face for what felt like the millionth time today. It was one thing to hear stuff from Bucky but to get an outsider's perspective, well, that was a rush. You held a little bit of pride from it as well.

“Well, thanks for getting us together,” you smiled, turning to wipe down a coffee machine. 

“You’re not mad at me for the ambush?” 

“Oh, no, I’m very mad about that.” You said, pointedly, as you glanced over back at Steve. He still had a shit-eating grin on his lips, not even an ounce of sorriness came off him.

“Well, once again, can you blame me? How else was I supposed to get you two to actually talk? Besides, I’m not actually hearing any complaints from you about it.”

Darn. He got you there. You sighed with a small nod and faced Steve once more. “No, of course, I’m not complaining,” you admitted, “you’re just lucky it turned out well.”

“It was always going to turn out well,” Steve said, matter-of-factly. “You two are soulmates.”

You frowned, “I could’ve moved on.”

Steve chuckled, absolutely dismissing the idea. “That doesn’t actually happen now does it?”

No, it doesn’t, but you didn’t want to admit it out loud. Once you actually stood in the same room as Bucky, you knew there was no turning back. However it may have ended up, you were always to feel that pull towards him. You think you were hooked the second you saw him on the television, despite that initial onslaught of fear. 

When a few seconds had passed and Steve was still met with no answer, he gave you a smile. “Have a good rest of your day.” 

As he turned his back to you, you called out, “I gave him my number.” Once the words left your lips you felt a bit unsure of why you were telling him this. “That’s another thing that happened this morning. I just really wanted to…” What did you want to do?

“Open that connection?” Steve guessed but you realized quickly that was correct. You wanted a more direct line to him, to maybe establish more happenings and dates. It sounded so fucking childish in your head but this all was so new to you.

Once you nodded, confirming his assumptions. Steve said, “He’s probably very thankful for that.” 

Now he was really done speaking. Steve promptly left after that without any more goodbyes or chances for you to blurt out ridiculous updates. Why, anyways, were you actually updating Steve? Maybe because part of you felt you owed him. He sort of deserved to know a little about the couple he aided along in bringing together. Or maybe he was living vicariously through you two seeing as his own soulmate was gone. Perhaps, though, at the end of the day, he was a friend and from your previous observations, this kind of chatter over soulmates and first glances was what other people did. It felt good to finally sort of be in on it all with everyone else.

***

It was late in the afternoon when your phone buzzed. You were just starting to make your way to your apartment. Slightly confused, you turned on the screen to see a text message written more in the form of a formal letter.

Good afternoon. Did this send? Xo, Bucky

Despite the silliness and him clearly dating himself (not like it was a secret, though), you were practically wooed by the little hugs and kisses at the end. It really reminded you of some old-timey letter. You swore, it was always the simplest things with this man that just pulled you in.

Quickly, you crafted your message back: It sent! Was that your first text message ever?

After hitting ‘send,’ you started on the path back home. While maybe not expecting an immediate response, you also didn’t expect to be halfway to your building before Bucky texted back. 

Yes, the text read. Can I call? -Bucky

You chuckled at the continuation of the sign-off but quickly replied, telling him you were free to talk whenever. Within seconds, your phone was ringing. 

“Hello!” you said, fairly a bit too cheerily into your phone. You could practically hear Bucky’s smile as he answered. 

“Hello,” he greeted you. “How is work?”

“It was good,” you said, “I’m on my way home now.”

“What?” Bucky gasped. “You should’ve told me what time you got off. I would’ve walked you home.”

You giggled, “Well, you maybe you should’ve asked what time my shift ended. I think this goes both ways, Buck.”

There was a moment of silence. “I forgot,” he eventually admitted with a sigh. “Someone had to go and kiss my cheek so I really couldn’t think straight.”

You let out a loud laugh at his comment, feeling a blush creeping on slowly on your neck and cheeks. Bucky matched your laugh.

“I’m sorry I’m such a distraction, I’ll do better,” you giggled. “Was there a particular reason you wanted to call?”

Bucky let out a bit of a disappointing sigh as if he didn’t want to admit something. “I’m not too skilled at this texting thing.”

“Oh,” you frowned, a bit uncertain. “It’s just like typing on a computer.” Sure, you said it like it was so obvious, but then you sort of hit you, remembering who you were speaking to. You stopped in your tracks, wanting to bang your head against a wall. “I-I mean-,”

“It’s alright,” Bucky let out a breathy chuckle. “I have typed on a computer but my phone doesn’t mimic that. It’s one of those flipping phones.”

“Flipping phones?” It took you a second but then the lightbulb went off. “Oh, you have a flip phone. No keyboard, then.”

“No keyboard,” he confirmed. “I figured out how to use the little keypad but it’s not exactly efficient. Plus, calling allows me to hear your lovely voice.”

You continued walking, suppressing a ridiculous, dopey smile as you passed others on the street. “You’re such a flirt.”

He let out a thoughtful hum. “Yeah? You think so?”

You caught yourself nodding before realizing he couldn’t even see you. “Absolutely,” you said out loud.

“Glad to know I still got some game.”

“Oh?” You inquired. “Were you swooning all the ladies back in the day?” The second the words left your mouth, you realized where this conversation was going and a sharp twinge of jealousy ran through you. Your eyes began watering at just the ridiculous thought of a hopeless Bucky thinking he had no soulmate and mindlessly pulling in girls left and right.

Bucky must’ve picked up on the sudden shift in you - possible perks of the bond - because he spoke very carefully after a minute. “Past me certainly did some things,” he admitted, “but he didn’t know there was a beautiful woman waiting for him way down the line.”

Your throat tightened a bit at the threat of tears. You took a couple of deep breaths completely shocked by how emotional one little thought could make you. The conversation on the topic hadn’t even lasted a full minute and Bucky was frantically calming you down. 

You wanted to change the subject. Possibly putting it back on you. “When did you first learn about me?”

Bucky went silent again. You pressed the phone to your ear with your shoulder, waiting, as you rifled for your keys in your bag when you saw your building coming into view. 

“They… I… I went, or really it, went dormant and I don’t know how I remember this, usually, my brain went blank in those circumstances, but one day I got this vision of you. You were playing with this bright, white cat on the lawn with this little house right behind you.” Mittens, you realized as you began unlocking your apartment door. He saw you with your pet cat Mittens whom you had when you were just a kid. “I was really confused until I felt that tug in the soulmate line or whatever they call it. I knew it was real because you never vanished. No matter what they did to me, when I was put away, you were there. Like some sort of angel sitting in my head. They couldn’t take that from me. They could never take you.”

You thought you were going to start crying as you stood in the doorway of your apartment hearing the sadness mixed with faint hope run throughout Bucky’s voice as he recalled the dreams. You could practically feel it all, too, within you.

“Bucky…” you sighed. A light sniffle came through on the other end but he didn’t acknowledge it. Instead, Bucky abruptly turned the tables on you as you probably should’ve expected. While you wanted to talk more of it out with him (Lord knows it seems like he needed it) you let him steer the conversation.

“I know you said we could discuss this later but I’m very curious,” Bucky began, changing the subject as easily as you had just prior, “when did you first learn about me? You said you’ve seen some things but I’m really curious what your first impressions were.”

It was like someone just stabbed in through the chest. You really should’ve known this was coming. The first memories of Bucky - the Winter Soldier - flashed through your mind chaotically. 

“I really don’t-,”

“Please,” he begged. The tone in his voice now… You had made it all too obvious earlier that morning. Of course, this was bound to come back around and you had opened the fucking gates. “It doesn’t have to be detailed. Just… something.”

You sighed, running your hands through your hair in anger as you took a seat on the couch. “You weren’t really you.” That was all you felt you could say as your heart was now in your stomach and your throat felt like it was filled with razor blades. 

“I wasn’t…” He sounded confused at first but then the words trailed off. You could practically feel the exact moment when it all clicked for him. You wanted to throw up.

“Bucky-,” 

You were cut off by the line going dead and the sound of dial tone greeting your ears.

[amarriageoftrueminds]

Now now, we all know how Bucky's been in love with Steve (and known about his feelings) his whole life, but what about Steve? I've always swayed towards the theory 'Steve's been in love with Bucky his whole life as well, he only realised after Bucky fell from the train', but what if Steve's known he's in love with Bucky since their Brooklyn days? That would shed an entirely different light on his interactions with Miss Nazis Hirer and the whole 'right partner' talk

Going by canon, I think there must've been either: a declaration of mutual feelings, or; the first foray into a sexual relationship in their late teens, because one of Bucky's trigger words was 'seventeen', and Steve said he felt like a 16 year old again when he heard Bucky's name.

What's interesting is, at that time, and especially in that place*, there wasn't the idea that gay sex acts made you gay, because there were loads of 'straight' men around (eg. sailors.) going with other men just for sex. This was pre pill, pre sex-before-marriage for most, especially for Catholics like Steve.

So it might be that Bucky and Steve were doing the do with each other looong before either of them came to the realisation that they were also, coincidentally, in love.

I agree that Bucky, simply because he's exposed to dating women more than Steve is, has more of an opportunity to Realise before Steve. He'd have the benefit of being able to contrast his experience of feelings with Steve, with his experience of feelings for others, leading him to a lightbulb moment.

And he'd cover this up (and keep up the pretense of believing both he and Steve are really straight) by going out with girls in the meantime; in a period-appropriate gentlemanly way, not bedding them. Also to protect him and Steve from any potentially dangerous accusations.

I don't see Steve as not knowing precisely that he is in love with Bucky; I think he knew before the events of CATFA started, and it was a big part of his motivation for wanting to go to war.

But I do think it hadn't occurred to Steve that he might only be attracted to Bucky / men until after he got serum -- because, before then, his health would've been a limiting factor.

Before then, I can see him thinking 'well it's no wonder I have no libido like Bucky does around women, I'm just too unwell!' and not connecting the dots.

This would explain why he seems so panicked when sexual situations arise with women, after the serum; because he's realising 'oh shit! actually, I don't even like this when I have Perfect Health!' and hastily trying to backpedal himself out of an unwanted situation.

My HC is both of them thinking they're the only male-attracted one in the relationship and they're just engaging in sex acts together for convenience' sake but the other one's only going to keep doing it until he can get a girl.

So when Steve shows up all heterosexual-passing, looking like he can get any girl he wants, Bucky looks devastated because he thinks that signals the end of his physical (in his head unrequited romantic) relationship with Steve.

(But then between Peggy showing up and he and Steve going to the Continent together with the Howlies, Bucky mysteriously seems to perk up!)

By which point Steve, with his strong moral instincts and anti-Fascism, has come to the conclusion that if he's a physically perfect man, and he's still in love with and attracted to Bucky, then there must by definition be nothing wrong with feeling physically attracted to Bucky.

IDK if it makes it better or worse to imagine that they finally confessed to each other before the fall?

Maybe it'd be nice if they saved that for Post-WS, especially since Bucky might be then in even more doubt as to Steve's feelings for him. It's a common choice in fic for a reason!

There are two ways to read the 'right partner' talk Steve has with Peggy.

One is:

Steve's a straight man acting like an incel and attempting to pull pick-up artist tricks on Peggy which don't work, because she's not interested in him, and so doesn't take the bait (we only don't notice he's being a creep because Cevans and HA play it as benign, and because the writers, being themselves douchebags, don't realise what they've written; and probably wouldn't care even if they did.)

Two is: (particularly egregious if you flip the genders and imagine a woman saying this to a man) 

Steve going out of his way to make it clear that he doesn't want to date, isn't interested in dating right now, while there's a war on, and finds women terrifying. 

And yet as soon as he's fuckable, Peggy pulls a 180 and starts claiming she always liked him as he was, despite the fact that her actions directly disprove this; she didn’t ask him out when she had the chance and the encouragement. 

Naturally, her arrogance leads her to the immediate assumption that if Steve is waiting for The One, then she must be the One to whom he was referring. 

The fact that his wording either means he’s already found the One and is waiting for them, OR that he hasn’t met them yet, both exclude her from the running (since he’s known her a week) is...  immaterial. She never asks if he has his eye on someone, does she? Would Steve being already married stop her? 

(You don’t say ‘I don’t want to date because I’m waiting for the One’ to the person who IS the One, or whom you suspect may be the One. This ain’t rocket science!) 

And hey, did you notice, that Peggy is just so important and special and perfect that her sudden interest in Steve means that Steve's stated wishes are now irrelevant? 

The staggering hubris of waltzing up to him to go ‘hey, by the way, one day... when all this is over... I will allow you to date me.’ 😘😌 

Too bad he didn’t ask! 

The fact that Steve explicitly told her he isn't interested in dating and didn’t specify he’d be interested in her is invalidated by his new looks and her desire. 

Sheesh. These Carter girls sure are rapey as hell.

(Also, in characteristic NOT-A-FEMINIST Peggy Style, the first thing she does upon seeing Big Steve is yank a t shirt out of the hands of a waiting nurse, because Saint Poppins is apparently so good at everything without training or experience that she can do nursing better than an actual nurse, too? (Could be she's also being characteristically territorial, pissing a circle round her chosen prey.) While simultaneously, out of nowhere, affecting a  dumb ‘oh I’m so soft-and-feminine’ voice she didn’t have before?? Does that sounds like someone Steve ‘son of a nurse’ Rogers would admire? UGH.)

The irony of all this is ^ you can read Steve as 100% gay and not have to change a single piece of his characterisation or interactions with women at any point.

I've touched on this in other asks, but:

He never asks Peggy out when he has the opportunity; only when he knows it's too late and he won't be expected to follow through (due to him being dead.)

He never makes a move on any of the chorus girls or his female fans (no matter what those creeps M&M claim). Or Private Lorraine. Or Nat. He has to be nagged to make one on Sharon (while Peggy's body's barely had time to cool, and looks fine about never seeing her again lol!) But he goes out of his way to befriend Sam, and waay out of his way to get Bucky back.

Throughout all his films he's consistently assaulted by women, even friends, and never looks happy about it; he also never looks upset when he's rejected or cut off from women love interests, or when he's able to dodge flirting (by, eg. jumping out of a frickin' plane!?)

It's 'his choice', in his own words.

He seems his happiest with women in platonic situations, and only sad about them when it's a question of a shirked duty, a bereavement, or him feeling he's let them down; eg. when Nat dies, when his mother dies, when he's unable to deliver a promised dance to Peggy, etc.

(But it makes people uncomfortable to address this since many of his fans are female.)

But even marrying a woman (albeit the most OOC choice it's physically possible for a Captain America to make, not to mention that it involves abandoning our-Bucky alone in the future). It doesn't preclude Steve from being gay, since lavender marriages were hella common (doubly so for famous gay men).

He could be gay and still in a relationship with Bucky, and married to Peggy. I mean, he's guaranteed a wife who'll spend most of the time away at work, able to use her connections to squash any inconvenient press; and unable to out him or Bucky without ruining her own prestige. Perfect!

Still makes EG Steve a douchebag tho. 😒

.

*we know they frequented north Brooklyn, because Steve said 'I know this neighborhood!' while the Brooklyn Bridge was in sight behind him; but, they got the street angle wrong, cuz they made it look like the BKB has a street which looks right at it, when in fact the street with that famous view is of the Manhattan Bridge. The places Steve describes being beat up; a parking lot, alleyway, and diner, are also all places you'd go while you're Out, rather than where you live. So IMO Steve and Bucky lived somewhere near DUMBO, but not so far east that their view was of the Manhattan Bridge; either Brooklyn Heights or Downtown. So that puts them right in the heart of Gay Brooklyn (as in, Truman Capote had a house there, because Walt Whitman wrote a famous poem about there; that level of gay), next to the Navy Yard and Sands Street (gay cruising central) and they also frequented gay cruising mecca Coney Island (big burlesque hot spot).

[smutsonian]

the mobster’s little girl

pairing: mob!steve rogers x reader

summary: what happens when the big bad mobster gets blackmailed by your father to marry you? (kind of fluffy kind of not. kinda dark kinda not.)

warnings: smut, violence, death, obsessive behavior kind of, poorly written smut (for real i skipped some), innocent reader (kind of?), lil bit of angst, drowning, accidents in the kitchen, reader getting burned, not proofread, a lot of mistakes for sure (It’s a long fic and im too lazy to find the mistakes), loss of virginity skskks, oral deed (f & m), fingering skksks, kind of a handie, please let me know if i skipped some, please read at your own risk, rumlow is a warning periodt, this has crack vibes i swear idk what i was typing at some point, ddlg? (is this ddlg? jesus fuck idek anymore), dub-con but like not really?, the POV gets fucked up towards the end so goodluck with understanding this piece of sheeet

word count: 11k (what da actual fuck? this is loooong)

a/n: df am i being awkward while writing them warnings for? Holy shit that’s a long list of warnings

big thanks to @buckys-forgotten-plum​ for helping me edit <3 luv u mwah

this is a combined request of a mob!steve x innocent!reader + steve teaching reader to suck his ding-a-ding-dong

this has a sucky ending. i hate the fucking ending. 

also, i don’t got no clue on how to do spacing on tumblr so im terribly sorry for that.

masterlist

Maybe it’s because they were terrified. Maybe it’s because they know what’s out there and what evil lurks in every corner of the city. Whatever the reason is, her parents hid her from the outside world. Never was she able to step another foot out of the gates of her home. No matter how huge the mansion her parents keep her in, it still feels small and lonely. Instead of the friends that she should’ve made in kindergarten, she became friends with her parents’ employees. Instead of the high school friends that she was supposed to have, she has the few cleaners in the house. She didn’t feel like they work for her because they’ve become her friends that keep her sane for being in one place for her whole life. Being able to go somewhere that’s not the garden, the gazebo, or even the lake that became her favorite place has always been in her mind but never her heart never really demanded to go out. She gets curious at times but it’s not enough to make her go against her parents’ number one rule.

 “Never let yourself be known and never talk to anyone outside this house. If possible, keep yourself away from the entrance gates.”

Being the obedient daughter you are, you followed that rule without question. You became the daughter that your parents wanted you to be. You learned everything from your tutor. The basics of economics but mostly proper etiquette. You didn’t know why you had to learn those but you did what your parents wanted you to do without question. You always do…

 That’s why when your parents told you that you were to marry, you agreed with a little bit of hesitance. “It’s for the best, princess.” Is the only thing that your father said while your mom looked at you with a small smile. You thought that it was going to be like the ones in the movies. You imagined a magical wedding but you didn’t even have one. You were told to sign some papers and just like that, you’re married to some man you don’t even know. A man that you didn’t see until a few days after the signing of papers.

  Steve never felt so disrespected in his entire life. He’s so used to being the powerful man of the city, the country even, that never did he expect some feeble man to come barreling into his business. The Y/L/Ns… He knew of them but he knew little about them. The family is so secretive but are known to be powerful. Nobody knows how they do it but now he has been graced to learn how.

Blackmail… Along with bribery. How fucking pathetic.

He didn’t know how the man managed to acquire his plans for a rival gang but somehow, the fucker did. The rival gang that he was trying to take down for so long and managed to make a plan of action until this fucker messed everything up. The bastard wanted to marry his daughter off to him for a powerful alliance. Saying something about how both of their names would benefit from the marriage. The bastard also promised a fat amount of money that he’ll receive once he marries his daughter. The bastard knew that money has always been a problem for him by the smug look on his face. 

“It’s simple. You provide us security, we give you money. We seal the deal once you sign the papers to be my daughter’s husband.” The old fucker says with such pride in his voice. Steve gritted his teeth before making a move to toss the man out but the fucker clicks his tongue at him. “Ahh, we also wouldn’t want Rumlow to know about your plans on attacking his turf a fortnight from now, do we?” The old fuck stares at him as he waits for his answer.

 Having no other choice, Steve says yes with flared nostrils. He glares at the way the man smiles giddily while walking towards the door. Before the old man could leave, he turned back towards Steve with a serious look before pointing a finger at him. “One more thing… My daughter will be your wife but you are not to touch her. You live at the mansion with her but you ain’t allowed to touch her. Do get out of her way as much as you can. You get all the money you want by following my orders. That easy. Nice dealing with you.” The man was out the door in an instant as Steve glared at the closed door before picking up a wine glass from his desk and throwing it against the door.

   “It’s a bit weird, mother.” Is your reply when your mother came to visit you in your room and asked you about how you’re feeling given your situation. She continues to brush your hair with her fingers as she hums in response.

 “It’s not like the ones in movies, that’s for sure.” You joke, earning a chuckle from your mother.

“My situation… It’s not really normal, correct?” You pull away from your mother’s hands and turn to look at her. She lets out a sigh before turning you back around and resuming to play with your hair. “No…” She says. “We might have been a bit strict with you but we only did it for your safety. The world out there… It’s not safe.” She continues. Once again, you pull away from your mother to fully give your attention to her. “But you and father are always out there. You put yourselves in danger on the daily so why can’t I?” You look at your mother who was looking at you with an unamused expression. You let out a sigh before sighing. “I know... I know. It sounds a bit silly to ask myself to be put in danger… But what about marrying me off to some stranger! You told me that father is bringing him here after he signed the papers. He’s to live here with all of us. Mother, we don’t even know him. Why would you let a stranger into our home?” You reason out, making exaggerated hand gestures to back yourself up. When your mother makes no effort to respond to you, you retort with a scoff and an eye roll. 

“You’re so hell-bent on keeping me inside this place, claiming that it’s to protect me that you failed to realize that you’re putting all of us in danger by letting an unknown man live with us. Seems kind of idiotic to me.” 

 *SLAP*

 You look at your mother with wide eyes as you hold your left cheek as it is stinging in pain. “I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. That was disrespectful of me. I’m sorry.” You scrambled to get away from your mother, ignoring her calls as you left your room to run down the long hallway and down the flight of circular stairs. You went out of the mansion and started running down a pathway towards the lake. You were so upset and focused on getting to your destination that you didn’t see a strange man coming out of a black SUV just as you walked out of the mansion.

 You ran down the wooden dock, frowning at what you had said to your mother. You couldn’t believe how you acted just now. First, you disrespect your mother. Now, you hide yourself away like a child that got reproved for the first time. You clicked your tongue in annoyance, an action that you got from your father, as you paced around the wooden dock. “Of course, they were just trying to protect you, you stupid idiot.” You hit your forehead with your palms over and over before tilting your head backward to stare at the sky, not caring at how your eyes hurt at the blinding sun. 

 You closed your eyes after a few seconds, sighing out as you figured that you should probably go back. Your so-called husband was supposed to arrive today. You start to walk back when your foot slipped and suddenly, water enveloped your body. 

 You fell into the lake.

 You would think that being locked up in a big mansion would give you a lot of time to learn how to swim but with your luck, no one ever thought you how so now you couldn’t do anything but drown.

 Your arms flopped around you as you kicked your legs all over the place just to get some air down your lungs but you only found yourself sinking further down. You couldn’t even scream for help because you know that if you did, you would only be swallowing a whole lot of water. 

 Before you could lose your breath entirely, something grasped your flailing hand. You would’ve screamed if you weren’t pulled out of the water. Turned out, it was a hand. Not some kind of creature from the fantasy movies you’ve watched.

 You were sitting on the wooden dock, gasping for air when the sound of an annoyed huff caught your attention. You tilt your head up to see a man looking down at you with an annoyed expression. Your brain started clicking and then it hit you. He must be your husband.

 “You’re here early.” You whisper, looking down. You weren’t sure how to act around him. Around your husband. You would base it on the movies you’ve watched but so far, those movies were nothing like your life. You were sure that if you tried to act like one of the characters there, you would look like a complete buffoon. 

 “So glad to know that I’m married to a dumbass.” He cuts your thoughts off with a sneer. 

 “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall and drown like that.” You remember the lessons you had. About not engaging in someone else’s hostility. You looked down in embarrassment. You’ve never been called something vile like that so you must’ve made him really upset. He scoffs before shaking his head and leaving you on the wooden floor as he walks away.

After that encounter with your so-called husband, you never really saw him again, even though the two of you were living in the same house. It was a few weeks after the drowning incident and you made sure to not tell anyone about it and you only hoped that Steve (you had to learn his name from your mother) didn’t tell anyone about it either. You and your mother are in good terms again and she’s currently in your room again, telling you how she and your father are to spend a few months in Prague to deal with a few business hiccups. You didn’t bother to ask if you could come with but you did bother to complain about them leaving. “You’re leaving me alone with a stranger under the same roof as me?” You exaggeratedly widened your eyes at your mother. “Oh, stop it. I’ve gotten to know Steve myself. I’m sure you’ll be safe with him. He seems like a nice guy. Although, I think your father gets a little bit on his nerves.” Your mother giggles to herself and you look at her with an amused grin. “You’re closer to my husband than I am with him.” You joked which earned a sympathetic look from your mother.

 “Talk to him. He’s your husband after all.” She caresses your face. You hold her wrist as you push your cheeks towards her hold. “I’m pretty sure he hates me, mother. I have a feeling that he’s scrupulously avoiding me.” 

 “How about you bake him something, hmm? You’re wonderful at baking!” Your mother grins at your excited reaction to the mention of baking.

 “I do love to bake…” You hummed in thought before giving your mother a faux pointed look. “Alright, I will bake but only because I love to bake. So if he doesn’t want to socialize with me, then so be it. I wouldn’t care.” You huff proudly as your mother looked at you with a grin and a hint of playfulness in her eyes.

 “What is it?” You ask her.

 “Why do I get the feeling that you want to impress Steve?” She chuckles at your stunned expression.

 “You have completely lost your mind, mother. Haven’t you got a plane to catch? Go on. Say hello to Prague for me!” You push her out of your room, her laughing at your antics before placing a kiss on your forehead and leaving you to yourself.

  “Ooof!” You hissed as your finger touched the hot tray when you were pulling it out of the oven. You were making the third batch of cookies and somehow, you managed to burn your finger now. You quickly pulled the mittens off before putting the hot finger into your lips, as if sucking the pain away is possible. 

 You heard footsteps coming over and when you turned your head, you saw Steve looking at you with something you couldn’t comprehend. “H-hey.” You pulled your finger out of your mouth before hiding it behind your back like a kid. You tiptoed over the counter to reach the plate of cookies before walking over to him. “I made cookies. Would you… like to try some?” You moved the plate closer to his face but he only scowled at you before taking your right wrist and surveying your hand. He found the finger you were sucking on earlier and muttered something under his breath. You thought you heard him say ‘dumbass’ again like the last time.

 “Put cream on it.” He grumbled before leaving the kitchen. You glared at his back until he turned back around, making you wipe the glare out of your face before smiling bitterly at him. He walked towards you with a dark look until he was inches away from you. The position you two are currently in made you realize how tall he is. How he’s towering over you and how his biceps are poking out of his shirt. His crystal blue eyes are staring deep into your soul and you were almost hypnotized by it. You gulped in nervousness. You remember all the things you told your mother about this certain stranger that could possibly be a danger to you until he smirked and took the plate of cookies from the table before walking out once more, leaving you gaping at the door in confusion as your heart was beating faster than normal. From fear or something else, you do not know.

 ----

 Steve was deep in thought as he chewed on the cookies she made. It was really delicious and he hated that he liked it. He did his best to avoid the girl. He’s trying his best to avoid the girl. He did his best to hate the girl so things would be easier for him. He’s trying his best to hate the girl. He didn’t have time to babysit her. Her father is not someone he wanted to have ties with but he is. Steve didn’t want anything that has to do with that man and that includes her.

 But why is it so hard for him to keep her out of his mind?

 The first time he saw her, she had that cute little frown on her face but he found his heart skipping a beat at the sadness in her eyes. He knew he would regret following her but then he didn’t. He saw her as she fell down the dock and he didn’t know why he felt like his world stopped when he saw her gasping for air but it did. It took him his best efforts not to just dive into the lake to save her. Instead, he took her flailing hands and easily pulled her out of the waters. He wanted to keep her warm when he saw her shivering on the wooden floor but he suddenly remembered the deal. His worry was quickly converted into anger and annoyance so he managed to leave her alone, something heavy in his chest as he walked away from her.

 He hated the way she made him feel so he avoided her like a plague. Their home was big and avoiding her was really easy. It was stopping himself from going near her is the hard part. Her mother is the total opposite of her father. Her mother is a nice woman and living with the Y/L/Ns didn’t feel like a job other than her horrid father. Steve got to learn more about her through her mother. She talked about her so dearly. Steve felt his heart fall at the mention of her not leaving the mansion. It sounded like she was an animal caged in better surroundings. Steve realized why she acted so differently when he’s watching her. She seemed so… innocent. 

 Then he caught her baking cookies. It took him his best not to run towards her when he heard her hiss in pain. He watched as she tried to hide her injury from him. He didn’t know if he found it cute or annoying because she shouldn’t hide injuries from him. From anyone. If she was injured, she should get it to check as soon as possible. Then she offered him cookies. Steve swore that his heart leaped in adoration but he took the offered plate in front of him as a chance to check on her hand. He observed her fingers, internally flinching as he saw the burnt area on her index finger. “Such a clumsy little girl…” He muttered under his breath. Steve caught himself though. Why was he so worried about her? He quickly composed himself and dropped her hand. Before turning to leave. He heard her huff and he couldn’t help but to chuckle at that. He turned around to see her frowning at him only to have her eyes widened in surprise. She gave him a stubborn smile as he walked over to her, teasing her and testing her to see where her cuteness could go. Where her STUBBORNNESS could go. Did he really just say cute? 

 When he thought she had had enough, he smirked and took the plate of cookies before leaving.

 The plate of cookies that he’s currently munching on. 

 The more Steve thinks about it, the more he’s realizing that he couldn’t keep her out of his mind. It was impossible.

 The more he sees her, the more he wants to be with her. The more he sees her, the more he wants to protect her because it seems like she has a way of putting herself in danger.

 So innocent.

 So pure.

 He wanted her and he didn’t know if he could control himself anymore.

  A week has passed and things with your husband seemed to have gotten better, if one is optimistically speaking. 

 He no longer avoided you so that’s better than before. He doesn’t acknowledge you much though. He only speaks to you to correct your every move. Called you out when you were walking barefoot around the mansion, mocked you when you walked around the docks, and even demanded you to leave the kitchens alone because according to him, you don’t know how to properly use it.

 He only ever opened his mouth to speak his mind of his distaste towards you and you were starting to miss the times when he completely avoided you.

 But you ignored the insults and kept your head high up. You aren’t going to sulk. Especially not when someone’s clearly made it his goal to make you feel just that.

 That’s why you’re currently making pasta. Ignoring his demand and continuing on having adventures in the kitchen. You just finished making the sauce so now you just have to cook the pasta. You took a pot that was way bigger than your head and proceeded to fill it with water from the sink.

 You struggled to carry it over to the stove, letting out a relieved sigh once you managed to set it down. The problem though, the bottom of the pot somehow got stuck on the burner plate. You clicked your tongue in annoyance before grunting and attempting to pull on the heavy pot. It remained stuck so you exerted more effort, succeeding but managing to tilt the pot towards yourself. You let out a yelp as the cold water inside the pot spills all over you. 

 “Y/N!”

 You felt his hands before you heard his voice.

 ——

 Steve heard clanking noises from the kitchen and he just had to roll his eyes at the thought of her prancing around the kitchen. Didn’t he tell her to leave the kitchen alone? He’s just trying to stray her from the harm she could put herself in. Not that he would ever admit that out loud.

 He walked into the kitchen, just in time to see water spill over her from the boiling pot. His blood went cold as he felt his heart stopping. “Y/N!” He rushed over her knelt body, covered in water. He cautiously touched her face, being careful not to hurt her possibly burnt skin. Why can’t she just listen to him? He told her not to work in the kitchen for a reason. 

 As he touched her seemingly cold cheeks, he watched as she looked up at him with an innocent confused look. “Steve?” Her voice was so meek yet it made his ear start to ring as his heart started to beat back to life. She must’ve seen his frantic expression because her eyes widened in realization before she’s shaking her head and pointing at the fallen pot. “I haven’t boiled the water yet! See? I’m fine. I didn’t burn myself.” She had the audacity to smile cheekily at him and he didn’t know if he should be leaping in joy with her or reprimanding her for being so careless.

 Steve clicked his tongue at her, something that he must’ve picked up from her, before leaving the kitchen with a huff. Something that he’s been doing a lot whenever he’s with her.

 ——

 After he left, you took a seat on one of the chairs, recalling what just happened a few moments ago. He thought you were stupid enough to pour boiling water all over yourself. Does he really think you’re that stupid? He looked so worried though. You smiled at the thought of him possibly caring about you. 

 You let out a short squeak when you felt something falling at the top of your head. A towel. Steve wrapped it around you until your head was the only part exposed. “Whatcha grinning on about, little girl?” His voice was stern but there was a teasing tone in it. You looked up at him as he watched you. You shook your head before furrowing your eyebrows when he bought the pot towards the sink, filling it with water.

 “What are you doing?” Your voice is small as you asked him.

 “Can’t trust you with this. You might boil yourself the next time you even try.” He clicked his tongue before effortlessly bringing the pot to the stove and lighting it up. After that he walked back towards you and sat at the chair beside you, turning himself to stare back at you.

 “I thought I made it clear when I told you not to work in the kitchens?” He mockingly tilted his head before raising one eyebrow at you. You stared back at him, not knowing what to say so you just tilted your head down like a chided kid. 

 “Uh uh uh…” You felt his long fingers under your chin as he tilted your head back to face him. “What’s the matter? Did you manage to burn your tongue as well? Hmm?” You didn’t know why but the way he was talking to you is making you feel something unfamiliar in your stomach.

 When you didn’t answer, he put the hand that was on your chin to the side of your mouth, his thumb brushing over your bottom lip. Your eyes fluttered when he managed to poke his thumb into your mouth and pressed it down your tongue gently.

 “Seems pretty alright for me…” He mumbles. You watched as his eyes widened in surprise when you sucked on his thumb absentmindedly. You realized what you were doing and stopped immediately. “No. No, don’t stop. Do it again.” He watched you with bright eyes as you hesitantly sucked on his thumb once more, feeling your body warming up at the current situation. 

 He slowly pulls his thumb out before rubbing it around your lips and leaning his face closer to yours. You could feel your heart panicking in fright or in excitement, you weren’t sure. You saw him close his eyes before he let out a sigh. He pulls away from you then ruffles the towel on your head. “Why don’t you go ahead and put dry clothes on? I think the pasta’s ready.” He grins before walking back toward the stove to start preparing the meal.

 You stumbled to your feet, mindlessly walking towards your room with a clouded mind.

 What was that all about?

  All Steve could ever think about was her. Her beautiful lips. Her eyes that glisten with innocence. Her nose twitches whenever she’s focused on something. The way she fits in his hold. The way she reacts under his touch. 

 He couldn’t forget about the way she sucked on his thumb unknowingly and the way her eyes became hooded from his touch. It’s obvious that she had no idea what was happening and what she was feeling and that only fueled his hunger more.

 The thought of her being hurt made him furious. It made him protective. He wants to protect her at all costs because not even the ends of her hair should get hurt. No. Not on his watch.

 Steve couldn’t take her out of her mind even if he wanted to. That’s the problem. He doesn’t want her out of his mind anymore. He doesn’t want to avoid her anymore.

 Steve accepted it. 

 He knows that he wants her and he knows that she’ll be able to have him wrapped around her precious little finger if she wants to. 

 He realized how she has a tight hold over him without even knowing it and he’s accepted that fact. 

 He’s ready to do everything for the girl and she doesn’t even know it. He’s ready to give her everything he has and everything he is. 

 He’s ready to give himself completely to her. Of course, it is if she’ll have him.

  After that encounter with Steve, you finally followed his instruction and stopped trying to make various meals in the kitchen. 

 You were craving cake so you asked one of the cooks to bake you a cake. That’s why there’s a whole cute pink cake in front of you at the kitchen counter. 

 You’re currently staring at it, thinking it’s too precious to destroy and eat but after a minute of your mouth watering, you give up and run your index finger on the sides until it is covered in icing.

 You licked your finger before sucking on it and humming at the sweet taste of the icing while your eyes are closed. When there is none left on your finger, you take your index and middle finger before sliding it on the sides of the cake to gather twice as much as the previous one.

 Your eyes are closed and lips parted slightly apart, ready to suck on your fingers one more time when a hand grips your wrist. Your eyes fly open to see Steve holding your hand while he’s looking down at your face with a boyish grin. Your eyes widened for the second time when his tongue darted out of his mouth and started licking the icing off your fingers.

 He was staring at you as he continued to lick the icing and you were starting to pull away when his lips parted wider to start sucking on your fingers. You’re frozen in shock as your eyes twitched at the sight of him sucking on your fingers. 

 You feel your heart drop when he starts groaning against your fingers. The unfamiliar feeling in your stomach made itself known again and you bit your bottom lip anxiously at the strange feelings you always get whenever Steve’s with you. 

 Your eyes follow Steve’s lips as he pulls your fingers out of his mouth with a silent pop. He looks at you with a smile before furrowing his brows. “Did you bake this?”

 “N-no! I had someone to bake it for me.” You’re quick to let him know that you didn’t make the cake. He smiled again and you just realize how giddy you feel when you’re able to make him smile like that. 

 “Really? So you finally listened to me?” He chuckles when he sees you nod shyly at him. “Aren’t you a good little girl.” He cooes before looking at the cake with a smirk. “This cake is really delicious…” He leans back to stand straight and you nodded at him in agreement. “I wonder…” 

 You let out a loud squeal when he suddenly puts his hands under your arms before pulling you up and sitting you down on the counter. You look at him with a stunned expression. “Wha—“ 

 “But I bet you taste better than this cake.” You couldn’t respond because he immediately connects his lips with yours, making your eyes pop out in shock as he continues to attack your mouth. You let out a small whimper when you feel his tongue pushing past your lips and roaming around the inside of your mouth, tickling the roof of your mouth.

 You start chuckling against his lips and he stops, looking at you in confusion. “You’re tickling me…” You point at the top of your mouth and Steve’s frown turned into a grin. His hand found their ways on the top of your knees and then he’s pushing them apart. “I know a place where I can tickle you... I’m sure you’ll like it.” He pulls you closer to him so you slide against the counter. He carefully pushes your shoulders until your back is laying on the cold kitchen counter. You feel him hiking your skirt up and pulling your underwear down before he sets your feet back on the counter, knees bent, and far apart. 

 You could feel him breathing against your skin and you could feel your body running hot while the hairs on your body stand in attention. You feel something wet run against your skin and you yelp as you sit on your elbows, looking at Steve alarmingly. His face was just in front of your core and tongue is just retreating your skin. 

 “Wh-what are you doing, Steve?” You bite your lip as you watch him stand up until he’s face to face with you. “I’m trying to make you feel good, baby. Do you trust me?” He presses his lips against yours and pulls away, waiting for your answer.

 “I don’t know…” You admit, stomach dropping at the sadness that flashes over his face.

 “Then let me show you that you can trust me. Can you let me do that?” He looks at you and smiles when you nod at him. He presses his lips on you once more, pushing you against the kiss until your back is back on the counter. He pulls away, pecking you one last time before going back to press kisses in between your legs.

 He licks up your skin, hands pressing down on your hips when you begin squirming around. You feel his mouth sucking on the bud before flicking his tongue over it. He doesn’t stop until you’re whining under him, unsure if you want him to stop or to do something else.

 “What do you want, little girl?” He breathes against your core, making your legs shiver at the sensation. 

 “I don’t know…” You whine, eyes staring at him as he stands over your body. He raises his right hand, fingers fluttering in display as he gives you a questioning look. “You want me to use this on you?” You could only nod in desperation because the feeling of emptiness when he pulled away from you is becoming too much.

 “Good girl.” You hear him whisper before going back in between your legs. You feel his fingers playing with your bud instead of his tongue and it feels overwhelming when he uses his tongue to press it against your entrance. 

 “Mmmhm” You close your eyes in delight as he continues to play with you. The familiar feeling in your abdomen makes itself known once again and this time, it’s stronger. You need more.

 “P-please…” You mutter under your breath, pulling on Steve’s hair to catch his attention. He looks at you with a proud smile before asking. “What is it? You need more? Want me to put my finger inside you, is that it?” 

 ——

 Steve smiles when she nods her head eagerly. So innocent, can’t even tell him what she wants. What she needs.

 He rubs on her clit a few more times to wet his fingers before lining a finger against her slit. He looks back at her as he starts pushing the finger in, slowing down when her hand grips her arm. 

 Steve groans at the tightness of her walls against his finger and starts to slowly pump it as he watches her face contort into a pleasured frown. When he feels her loosening up, he adds another finger that earns a low moan from her. Steve stiffens for a second when he feels his pants getting tighter in the crotch area. His cock is begging him for attention but he pays no mind, focusing on the angel in front of him.

 He spreads his fingers apart inside of her as he leans down to start flicking his tongue against her clit, smirking against it when her thighs shiver against his head. He feels her breaths starting to become uneven and he knows that she’s just about to cum so he doubles his effort, sucking her clit harshly and curling his fingers inside of her.

 Her back arches off the counter and Steve hooks an arm under her to pull her up and press her against his chest. She shakes against his hold as he helps her get through her high. She slumps against his hold, head falling down the side of his neck. 

 Steve tilts his head to look at her face, eyes hooded and forehead sweating. She looks so adorable like this. “That cake gave us such a rush, huh?” He chuckles before hooking her legs around his torso and hugging her body close to his. He feels her dozing off as he carries her to her bedroom. 

 He lays you down on the bed and tucks you under your blanket before studying your face. So peaceful. So relaxed. A smile forms on your face and Steve finds himself smiling as well.

 “Goodnight, my sweet little girl.” He presses a kiss on your forehead before walking out of your room. 

  It’s currently four in the afternoon and Steve is currently sitting on a couch in the massive living room, thinking about the night he has planned for him and his little girl. 

 After that time in the kitchen, things have been great with them. It’s been a few months and he became someone he didn’t know he could be and it was all for her. He wants nothing but the best for his girl. He gives her the ‘special treatment’ or ‘reward’ whenever she asks for it. She’ll do something nice for him to receive his special kisses but Steve knew that he’ll give her anything without her working for it. He just likes the attention he gets from her when she gets a little needy.

 Steve feels his crotch stirring under his pants at the thought of eating his little girl out. He always eats her out and makes her putty with his fingers but his cock remains abandoned. 

 He didn’t think she was ready. He didn’t want to scare his girl. He’ll wait as long as he needs until his little girl’s ready for him. For the time being, he’ll make sure to keep his little girl happy and satisfied.

 Steve’s thoughts were cut off when his little girl walked in front of him with a weird look on her face, a phone held against her right ear. He sits up in attention, his body becoming alert at the way her face scrunches up in fear as she looks at him.

 “What’s wrong, little girl?” His voice is a whisper but his tone is hard. 

 She looks at him with a frown before handing him the phone. He looks at it and listens to her as she speaks.

 “Father called… Which is weird because he never calls when they’re on a trip. Let alone a business trip. He told me that the trip would be a few months and I didn’t think they would be in some kind of situation after being gone for almost seven months… They’re usually gone longer than that. But then that guy—” She points at the phone in Steve’s hand before continuing her explanation.

 “—That guy took the phone away from my father when he’s explaining something to me about telling something to you, Steve. His name is Rumlow and he’s got a very foul mouth—” He watches as her nose scrunches up, probably at the memory of the man’s words on the phone but Steve didn’t care about that. He’s worried about Rumlow talking to you. Through your father’s phone at that!

 Steve presses the phone against his ear before asking who’s on the other line.

 “Ahh, Rogers… Where’s the little brat? I thought she’s enjoying the things I’m promising her. Told her about how my cock will make her cunt cry—” Steve feels his blood boiling at the way Rumlow is talking about his little girl.

 “What are you on about, Rumlow? What are you doing with that phone?” Steve cuts Rumlow off, voice so harsh that he sees her flinching at his tone. He smiles at her before ushering her back to her room.

 “You see… Your girl is supposed to be mine. I saw her first but imagine the surprise I got when I ask her dear daddy for her hand and he tells me that she’s married to a Steve fucking Rogers.” Steve hears Rumlow’s bitter laugh before hearing her little girl’s father groan in pain, no doubt that he took a blow from Rumlow.

 “I just want a simple deal here, Rogers. I’ll text the address and I expect to have the girl and a bag filled with… I don’t know, ten million dollars? If you’re too broke then just bring the girl. I’m sure she’ll make the lack of ten million with her pretty little cunt.” Rumlows cackle was heard along with the cries of your parents. He must’ve held them as hostages. 

 “Do that and her parents stay safe. Be here at 9 pm sharp or it’s bye-bye for her lovely parents. Tik-Tok, Rogers. Tik-Tok…” Steve almost crushes the phone into pieces in his hand when Rumlow hangs up on him. Rumlow holds your parents as hostages and dares to speak about you like that. He’ll fucking kill him.

 The phone buzzes and he sees the address Rumlow sent him. They were no longer in Prague. They’re back here...

 Steve makes a move to call his best man, Bucky, when he hears sounds coming from her room. He quickly runs over, throwing her door open to see her shoving a bunch dollar bills into a huge bag while a phone is pressed against her neck and her shoulder. 

 Steve’s heart falls at the sight of tears falling down her face. She must’ve heard everything with the connecting phone lines. He sighs before walking over to his girl and steadying her by holding her shoulders in a firm grip. “Everything will be alright. I’ll call someone to fix the problem. They’ll clear the building, catch the bad guy, and then your parents will be home in no time!” Steve gives her a smile but it doesn’t work. Her face is still wet with tears as she shakes her head in disagreement.

 “No! The b-bad guy will harm my parents if he sees your men without me! I don’t w-want anything bad happening to my family, Steve. I-I don’t want that!” He pulls her against his chest as he sobs and shakes against his hold. Steve runs a comforting hand on her back before sighing in defeat. 

 “Fine. We’ll save your parents but I have to call my friends for backup. And you have to stay as far away from the fighting. I’ll have my best guy, James, be with you the whole time. You can trust him, he’s my best friend. You need to stick with him because he’ll keep you safe, got it?” He gives her a firm yet gentle look, jaw clenching when she nodded eagerly at him before continuing to fill the bag with cash. 

 He makes his calls and in no time, they’re driving towards the address Rumlow sent him.

  Steve parks the car a few miles away from the building where her parents are being held as hostages. He looks at his little girl who’s currently wearing sweatpants and his hoodie which looks pretty big on her. He smiles at the sight before letting out a shaky breath. 

 “You gotta stay here, okay? I promise that I’ll get your parents out safely. You don’t have to worry about them because I’ll protect them for you, okay? You trust me, little girl?” He watches her as she reluctantly nods her head. He sighs at that before handing her a pistol gun. “You know how to use one?” He asks, surprised to see his little girl nod. She must’ve seen his surprised look because she looks down before explaining, “I had basic shooting lessons.”  He smiles at his little girl before nodding. 

 He gets out of the car before walking around and opening the door for his girl and helping her out. He sees James walking over to them and he nods at his friend in acknowledgment before looking back at his girl. “This is Bucky. He’ll keep you safe. Stick with him, alright?” He watches her girl as she observes his friend with her adorable curious eyes.  

 “The others are already surrounding the building. Backup is also ready. Just say something and they’ll attack. Good luck out there.” He smiles at Bucky’s words before kissing his girl’s forehead.

 “Please stay safe, Steve.” His girl mutters and he feels his heart skip a beat at that moment. “I will. Anything for you, little girl.” He turns to leave, hearing his girl one last time before disappearing. 

 “That’s a nice-looking vest, Mr. Bucky.”

  Everything was going well for Steve. Rumlow’s men are really weak and easy to take down and when Rumlow realized that, he ran. He ran away like the coward he is. He ran out of the building and that was that. At least, that’s what Steve thought. 

 He was able to see her parents and he quickly untied them, her mother thanking him endlessly while her father only grumbled his thanks once. 

 He was guiding the couple out of the building, surprised to see his little girl standing a few miles away from them with Bucky. He sees her eyes brighten in relief that made all his worries disappear. 

 He was walking with her parents when he heard the cocking of a gun beside his head. 

 “Not so fast.” A raspy voice speaks beside him.

 Rumlow…

 Before Steve could even move, a bang was heard. Followed by another bang that has his ears ringing in pain. He closes his eyes to ease the aching in his head or his body. Was he shot? 

 His eyes fly open when he remembers that his girl is also out in the open and his eyes quickly darts over towards her.

 To his surprise, his girl is holding the gun he gave her earlier in his direction. 

 Steve quickly scans the couple near him for injuries when he hears someone groaning below him. He finds Rumlow laying on his back, legs bleeding while his arms are spread out. 

 He looks back at his girl, a sense of pride filling his system. His girl just did that. 

 He watches as his girl runs towards him with her arms wide open, ready to envelop him in a hug. 

 Steve grins before he hears Rumlow muttering and everything seems to be moving in slow motion. 

 “If I can’t have her… Then nobody can!” Rumlow spits before a loud bang go out.

 Steve’s eyes grow wide when he sees the bullet piercing through his hoodie and into his girl’s chest. 

 His heart stops when he sees her falling down into Bucky’s arms and onto the cold ground. 

 Her mother’s cries filled Steve’s ringing ears as well as her father’s curses as he tried to console his wife.

 Steve quickly kicks the gun from Rumlow’s hand before kicking the bastard’s face repeatedly until he’s unconscious. He releases all his anger on the bastard who shot his little girl by bending down and throwing punches down the unconscious man. He keeps punching until he sees Bucky carrying his girl towards them. 

 He pulls back from a bleeding Rumlow before running towards Bucky and taking his girl from his best friend. He brushes some stray hair away from her forehead before observing her face. 

 “Call the fucking ambulance!” He barks at nobody but Bucky follows his order, quickly fumbling with his phone and calling their mob doctor. 

 Steve was about to rip his hoodie off his girl when her eyes suddenly flew open, gasping for air. 

 Steve’s heart stops for a second, he doesn’t know if it’s from shock or relief but he’s grateful to see his little girl alive and breathing. He feels her wrap her arms around his neck, burying her face on the side of his neck as she catches her breath. He wraps his arm around her shaking body, gripping her tight and pulling her body against his like he’s afraid that she’ll slip away from his grasp.

 “Mother. Father. I’m so glad you’re okay!” He hears his girl talking to her parents who are currently behind him. He should let her go to reunite with her parents but he doesn’t. He keeps her against his body. 

 “Are you okay, dear?” Her mother asks and he feels his girl nodding against his neck. His girl finally pulls away from him before tugging on the hoodie she’s wearing and pulling it up to reveal a bulletproof vest. 

 Bucky’s laughter fills the air and everyone turns to look at him. “You little genius!” He exclaims before pointing at his little girl. “She kept bothering me about my vest and didn’t stop until I gave her one! Ah... You got yourself a keeper and a smartass, Steve!” He continues to laugh, her parents soon follow Bucky until everyone is laughing as well. 

 Everyone’s laughter is cut off by Rumlow waking up before gasping for air just like you were a few moments ago. 

 He pulls his girl against his chest, blocking her view from Bucky who gets his gun out before pointing it towards Rumlow’s head. 

 Steve covers his girl’s ears before another bang goes out. The last one for the night.

  “I’m really fine, Steve. Dr. Banner said I was fine! No scars and all, see?” You pull your hoodie up to assure him. You watch him stare at your skin, probably looking for scars before he forces your hoodie down with a frown as he bites his lip. 

 “You can’t just pull your shirt up like that. People might see.” His hushed and commanding voice makes you gulp and nod apologetically. 

 You look around as he walks the both of you towards the lake. “But there’s nobody around, Steve.” You whisper, looking down at the dirt as you walk with him. 

 You feel his warm fingers under your chin before your head is tilted up so you’re looking directly up at him. “You really are a smartass, huh?” He smirks, feeling your body warm up against his hold before throwing his arm around your shoulders to continue walking.

 Steve holds you close as the both of you walk down the dock under the darkness of the night. He stops just at the end of the dock before turning to face you. 

 You admire his face, looking so enchanting under the light of the moonlight. “You remember the first time we met?” He asks, grinning at your embarrassed reaction which is you chewing your bottom lip. He caresses your face before running his thumb across your lips, stopping your teeth’s attacks on your lips.

 “How you’re taught to shoot a gun but not how to swim will always be a mystery.” He chuckles, smiling down at you and you watch him as he does just that. He’s just so pretty to look at.

 “You really scared me tonight, little girl…” His sad tone made your eyebrows shoot up in worry. “I-I didn’t mean to, Steve! I’m so sorry.” You frown at yourself but he brushes his fingers on the wrinkles you made between your eyebrows which makes you relax just a bit.

 “I was supposed to be the one protecting you. Not the other way around.” He lets out a sigh before looking at the water. “But thank you. Thank you for doing that. And for trusting me. I know you were a little hesitant with trusting me but you still did. So thank you for that. It means a lot.” Steve looks back at you and smiles. You feel your heart fluttering at his smile but it also breaks at his words. You wanted to tell him that he’s wrong but you are cut off by a bunch of lights.

 You gasp at the lights that start to flicker all around you. You do a slow full 360, looking at the trees that are covered with fairy lights, the side of the docks are covered with lights as well, and the darkness is soon replaced by a whole bunch of lights. Your heart starts to jump when you hear slow music playing in the background and it feels like every time you do a full 360 turn, something new presents itself. 

 Everything seems so magical, so pretty and so… Something straight out of the fairytale movies that you watch. 

 You turn to face Steve again only to find him gone. You frown before looking down to see him down on one knee, a red velvet box in his hand which he holds towards you.

 You feel yourself grinning with so much joy running through your system and you can’t help but to let out a squeal when the velvet box opens to reveal a very pretty diamond ring. 

 “Little girl… Will you make me the happiest man alive by marrying me?” He asks, uncharacteristically shy which makes you giggle. You start giggling more which makes Steve lick his lips as his eyes flash his nervousness. 

 “Steve, you’re so dumb.” You mumble through giggles. 

 “Huh?” Steve slowly stands up, looking at you with sad eyes.

 “We’re already married! We both signed the papers!” You point out the obvious, stopping your giggle fit before kissing him on the lips.

 “Don’t be sad, Steve… I accept your proposal… Even though we’re already married.” You giggle once more before letting him put the ring on you.

 He guides you until the both of you are sitting on the edge of the dock, feet dangling down the water.

 “I just wanted you to have a normal yet magical experience even just for a moment,” Steve whispers after a few minutes of silence.

 “That’s kind of useless.” You automatically say.

 “What? Why?” Steve feels his heart fall at your words. Is he doing this whole thing wrong?

 “I already feel like that whenever I’m with you.” You state, looking at him like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

 Steve feels his heart beat an extra mile but he also feels relieved that he’s indeed doing it right. 

 You grin at the sight of Steve blushing in front of you. You never thought that the man who was so hard on you the first time you met was going to be a blushing mess in front of you right now.

 “Hey, Steve?” Your voice cuts the thin air and he looks at you with a raised eyebrow. “Yeah?”

 “You know how I saved your life earlier…” Steve smiles at your bashful expression that he finds so adorable.

 “Mhmm…” He nonchalantly hums.

 “Well… I was thinking…” You bite your lip in nervousness and embarrassment at the question you’re about to ask him.

 “What is it, little girl?” His voice is matched with a chuckle as he gives you a grin.

 “Can I have a reward for that?” You blurt out.

 Steve feels his cock stir in his pants at her words. He bites his lip before standing up and helping her up as well.

 “I’ll give you everything you want, little girl. It doesn’t have to be a reward. You ask for it, you get it, is that clear?” He gives you a questioning look before smiling when you nod eagerly at him.

 “Now, what is it that you want as a reward?” 

 ————-

He trails kisses from your forehead to your nose, nose to your cheeks, cheeks to your neck. He purposely skips your lips with a grin and starts feasting on your neck. He licks and sucks on a spot he knows too well, earning an adorable squeak from you when he teasingly bites on the skin. “S-Steve!” You gasp, hands going straight to his head, fingers sliding through his soft hair. He continues nipping on your neck until your head tilts back and a quiet moan escapes your lips.

 He pulls away to look at you and then smirks.

 “You want me to give you those special kisses for your rewards?” He cocks a brow before smiling when you nod your head eagerly at him. “Y-yes please.” 

 Steve wastes no time to pleasure you. His little girl.

 He dives for your glistening core and groans in pleasure at your taste. He uses his tongue to stimulate you through your clit, enjoying the way your body shakes under his hold.

 Steve listens to your moans and whimpers like a song and uses it as motivation to keep you a writhing mess under him. “Please, S-Stevie…” He hears you cry under him, reaching your hands towards his hands and pulling it closer to his face as he tongues your clit. 

 Steve chuckles at your needy behavior but complies, not missing the nickname leaving your lips. Anything for his little girl.

 Steve easily enters a finger into your wet core, groaning at your warmness and wetness before adding another finger. He sees your face contorting into a mix of pleasure and pain. Steve leans down to kiss your clit and flicks his tongue faster to distract you from the pain.

 “A-aah” He watches your eyes rolling back when he begins to spread his fingers inside you. Another finger enters and you’re crumbling against his fingers, walls closing around his fingers as you cum undone under him. He pulls away from you before reaching for your face and kissing you hungrily. He smiles against the kiss when he feels you return the kiss with the same hunger.

 He feels you pulling away and he lets you, frowning a little when he sees you looking at him timidly. His hand carefully reaches for your face, knuckles gliding down for cheeks smoothly. “What is it, little girl?” 

 He watches you bite your lip before looking at him with half-lidded eyes. “I w-want to give you special kisses too…” Steve freezes as he feels his cock getting harder than before. He feels your hands reaching for his member, giving him a look before gulping. “C-can you teach me? I want to make you feel good too…” 

 Steve doesn’t know which is beating harder; his cock or his heart, maybe both… Probably both. You do that to him. Only you. His little girl. 

 Steve finds himself gulping as well. “You don’t have to, litt—” 

 “I want to!” You’re quick to cut him off. Almost eager, he notices. He lets out a nervous laugh before nodding. “Okay, okay… I’ll teach you.” He doesn’t miss the way your eyes light up from his approval. He smiles at you before guiding your hands that’s currently holding his hard member.

 “Just do this gently…” He guides your hands up and down his shaft, head going crazy at the sight of your hands not being able to cover his huge cock. He bites his lip, willing himself to hold on and not cum on your hands so early.

 “C-can I kiss it now?” He looks down at you, sitting on the mattress as your innocent eyes look up at him while he stands on the ground. “Go ahead, little girl. Try it.” He encourages you, smiling when you press a quick kiss on his tip. His jaw clenches when you press another kiss, longer this time. 

 Steve’s eyes flutter when he feels your tongue dancing around his tip. You begin to lick along the shaft and then under, making Steve groan wantonly. 

 Steve lets out a frustrated huff when you quickly pull away from him. “I-I’m sorry. I was just doing what you did to me. I-I didn’t mean to hurt you!” Your eyes are teary and Steve realized that his moans made you think that you hurt him.

 He sighs before leaning down to your face, giving you an assuring smile before kissing your nose. “You didn’t do anything wrong, little girl. You’re doing everything right. In fact, you’re doing so great that my friend down there couldn’t help but to go wild under your touch.” He points at his member before grinning at your widened eyes.

 “I’m going to guide you. There’s no reason to be afraid. If you want to stop, just tap me and we will stop. We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, okay?” He waits for your response and lets out a breath of relief when you nod.

 He stands back up, putting your hands on his behind and guiding your face just in front of his cock. “Open wide, little girl.” He sings and grins when you do as told. He holds the back of your head but never pushes you, leaving you to go at your own pace.

 You push yourself forward, taking him halfway before pulling back and pushing yourself back to him. His moans of pleasure push you to do more so you do. You swirl your tongue on his tip as you bob your head, smiling at the loud moan that leaves his lips. 

 “You little tease…” He breathes out, his grip on your head getting tighter but not enough to hurt you. He feels the vibration of your laughter on his cock and he lets out another cry of pleasure.

 Feeling confident with yourself, you push yourself forward until his tip hits the back of your throat, making you gag.

 He helps you as you pull away from him, looking down at you with his flushed face. He studies your face, eyes shadowed with lust, making his heart do somersaults. He wipes the tears on your face before saying, “Breathe through your nose, okay?” He watches you nod and chuckles when you go back for his cock, taking him deep at a slow pace and staying there for a second before pulling slightly away. “That’s my good girl…” He moans as you continue to take him, teasing his tip with your tongue when he suddenly pulls you away from him.

 “Did I—” He cuts you off with a kiss, groaning against your lips and pushing you until you’re lying on your back with him on top of you. “You did great. I just want my cum somewhere else…” He catches your lips when you bite on them, his tongue pushing its way into your mouth.

 He pulls away, guiding your body until he’s kneeling between your thighs, one hand on his cock while the other is on your thigh. “Is this okay?” He asks when he places the tip of his cock on your slit.

 You gingerly nod, whimpering when he slides his cock on your sensitive clit. “P-please…” You have no idea what you’re begging for but he seems to know what he’s doing. 

 “Do you trust me, little girl?” Steve asks, looking at your face with hopeful eyes.

 “Yes, Stevie. I trust you.” Steve’s heart warms up at how fast you answered his question. He nods before sliding a few more teasing thrusts into your folds and clit before slowly sliding his tip into your slit. He stops to look at your face that’s contorted into a frown. He leans down your face to kiss your frown away and kisses your lips as well, hoping to distract you from the pain. 

 Steve pushes his cock deeper when he feels you relax under him. He pushes slowly and stops when he’s fully in, groaning when your walls hug his member tightly. “Fuck!” He hisses before looking at you. “You okay?” He asks, smiling when you nod at him, eyes closed. He kisses your lips before pulling halfway and thrusting into you once more, earning a little whimper from you.

 “How are you feeling, baby?” You try to ignore the nickname, opening your eyes and looking straight at his eyes. “G-good. Please move, Stevie.” You press your palms against his chest. He pulls halfway out before shoving himself inside you again, repeating this action until you’re moaning loudly under him and clutching his biceps for support.

 Steve feels your walls fluttering around him, alarming him that you’re close. He knows he’s close as well so he helps you reach your peak by rubbing your clit with his fingers, groaning at how your walls tighten around him.

 Steve listens to your cries of pleasure as your walls clamp down on his cock as you cum, making him cum as well and milking him. Your body shakes under him and both of you breathe heavily as you try to catch your breath. He falls to your side, his arms enveloping around you to pull you against his chest into a warm and strong embrace.  

 “It’s official. We just consummated our marriage... I’m all yours just as much as you’re all mine.” He stares at your face, watching your eyes as you fight yourself from falling asleep.

 “I fucking love you, little girl.” He lazily says, brushing your face with his fingers. You stare at him sleepily, listening to the beat of his heart.

  “The fuck is he doing?” Your father grumbles as he watches Steve prance around the kitchen.

 “He’s making our daughter breakfast. I think our daughter broke him.” Your mother snickers at the way your father looks at Steve in disbelief. 

 “You tellin’ me that he touched Y/N?!” Your father fumes, getting ready to walk up to the man in the kitchen before your mother stops him.

 “Oh, hunny. Would you stop that? They’re married. And Y/N is an adult. They both are. They can do anything they want. And I can see that Steve really loves our daughter. The way he acted after Y/N got shot. Not to mention the part where he literally saved our asses. Your ass.” Your mother berates your father who just huffs in response before leaving. Your mother chuckles before following her husband, ready to give him a piece of her mind.

  “You made cookies without me?” Steve’s heart flutters as you pout at him. “I want to make cookies too…” You mumble under your breath. You just woke up from your sleep when Steve entered the room with a plate full of cookies.

 “I didn’t want you getting into any accidents, little girl.” Steve chuckles when you take one cookie before grumpily munching on it. He watches as your eyes light up before covering it up with a frown. “Will you stop calling me little girl?”

 “Never.” He simply says. You huff and Steve couldn’t help but to chuckle at your cuteness.

 “Your cookies aren't even that good. I make better cookies.” You mumble before taking another cookie from the plate and munching on it. Steve raises an eyebrow at you before shaking his head. “I know you do, little girl. I know you do.” He smiles at you before making a move to sit beside you. 

 “No! Wait! Stay there.” You point a finger at him before fumbling around the sheets as if looking for something. 

 “You okay?” Steve asks, eyes shooting open when you jump out of the bed to stand in front of him, only the sheets covering your body. You realize this and quickly pull on the hoodie from last night before looking back at Steve with a grin.

 “Hi,” You start, earning a confused look from Steve. “Hello?” He chuckles when you look at him with so much excitement that you’re literally bouncing on your toes.

 “I want to give you something.” 

 “What is it?” Steve watches your fist as you hold it against his face before opening it, revealing a gold ring that looks to be vintage or a hundred years old.

 “Where’d that come from, little girl?” Steve whispers.

 “Can I put it on you? Will you marry me too?” You ignore his question, too excited to listen to anything. Steve laughs before nodding, watching you with adoration as you giddily put the ring on him. 

 “There! So pretty! You’re so pretty, Stevie!” You continue to admire the ring on his finger when he takes your chin with said hand, making you look up at him. 

 “Thank you, little girl.” He leans down to press a kiss on your lips before pulling away with a smile.

 “My father gave it to me.” You blurt out, making Steve’s eye widen just a bit. 

 “Your father?” He asks, not sure about what’s happening.

 “Yes. He came here earlier. Told me that you deserve the ring and that you should never make him regret anything?” Steve listens to you, you obviously don’t know what your father did but it’s enough for Steve to understand.

 “Oh… And Stevie?” He looks at you, smiling and asking you if you need something.

 “I love you too.” You grin at him.

 Steve stares at you for a moment before feeling tears sliding down his cheeks.

 He makes a quick move towards you, pulling you in a tight embrace and pampering your face with kisses.

 “I love you, little girl. Thank you for saying it back.” He mumbles against your hair before pressing a kiss on your lips once more.

 “Stop calling me little girl!” You grumble against him.

 He only chuckles at you before shaking his head. “No. You’ll always be my little girl.”

 ----

a/n: omfg if you finished all that, congratulations you just wasted a whole lot of ur time but thanks for wasting it on me 3;-)

[lilacmeadows]

Made For You pt. 2

Omg you guys thank you so much for all the support! Part 1 was my first fic and you guys were so sweet. I had to get started on part 2 right away. If you want to be on my taglist, just let me know! This is just leading up to the next few chapters that’s just gonna be FILTHY. I needed a bit of backstory to be satisfied, but now that the boring part is out of the way, I’m gonna go research other names for genitals. Hope you enjoy! -Savvy

BUCKY X READER

Summary: Hydra had just finished training you to be the Winter Soldier’s perfect mate when the Avengers saved him. But what’s going to happen to you now that Hydra has deleted your old life and left you with nothing but a soldier that needs to learn to love himself before he can love someone else.

Part 1    Part 2     Part 3

WARNINGS: explicit sexual content, explicit language, underage reader (nothing sexual happens underage), stockholm syndrome, mentions of family death, eventual dom/sub dynamics, mentions of captivity and kidnapping. violence- guns, mutual pining, eventual smut, fluff, angst if you squint (must be 18+)

WORD COUNT:  2.9k

“Make the Soldat happy. He is my mission.” 

When she was first taken, of course she was scared. She didn’t know why, where she was going, if she’d be rescued. It was a painful adjustment, and some days it was as if the tears would never stop. It’s not like she was worth anything to anyone who mattered, her family wasn’t rich. Just her mom and brother. They lived a happy and normal life. 

She’d guess it didn’t really matter. At the age of 10, y/n was old enough to understand basic concepts, carry a conversation with adults, and she had strict teachers in school, so she knew how to behave. 

What she didn’t know was how to be a wife. Or a ‘life-partner’. None of the Men would ever call her a future ‘wife’. She was training to be a mate. Someone the Soldat could own and connect with so he didn’t fly off the rails if things got out of control. If he got out of their control. Every morning, a watcher would wake her up at 8AM so she could stretch, eat, and meditate. By 10AM, her first trainer of the day would come in and teach her the schooling she was missing. Just basic math and reading, a little German, and a little Russian. Not enough for her to eavesdrop on their plans, but enough to understand her Soldat if he didn’t feel like speaking English. 

At 1PM, another trainer would come and bring her to the small kitchenette down the hall. They had no intention of domesticating the ‘couple’, but she was learning to be a woman- of course the Men would have her start in the kitchen. She would learn very simple meals that could feed a fully grown man, and usually had something light for lunch herself. The men brought her the other 2 meals a day. At 3PM she would have lessons on ‘Womanhood’. At least that’s what she called it. A trainer would come in and teach her a never-ending list of rules that she had to follow in order to be a ‘lady’. It reminded her of an old Barbie movie she would watch when she was little. There was a song called ‘To Be a Princess’, where a poor girl learned how to act proper. Once she started seeing herself as that princess, the days got a little easier. Some days, they would go over how to sit and lie down like a lady. Others, they would walk laps around the halls open to her, reviewing how to walk on the balls of her feet. She learned to talk in short sentences with excellent manners, and how to brush her hair, so she could look more presentable for her Soldat. 

Over the years of compliance, the trainers softened on her just as the watchers had. Of course, they were still horrible people, but they knew she was a kind girl at heart and wouldn’t cause trouble. Some days, she would be made to sit perfectly still with a stack of books on her head, while her trainer would tell her something silly happening outside the walls of the building that became her home. She learned little bits of information about their lives, music, art. But never anything political or having to do with who the Men even worked for. That was strictly forbidden. They would let her color in her free time. Sometimes a watcher would bring a book from his home for her to read, and when she was old enough, she was given a few colors of yarn and started knitting sweaters and scarves on plastic needles. She didn’t have a clock, but she would learn by the rotating shifts of her watchers what time of day it was.

There were children whose lives sucked more than hers. And for that, she was grateful.

When she got older (let’s say 18), the training started to change. She never knew what day it was, or even what year. She had stopped keeping track so long ago, but the changes were made gradually. She would be made to read books on intimacy, and then watch videos of men brutally ravishing ladies about her size. She had to learn what to do to please her Soldat, without being taught physically. This made her happy. The thought of any of the watchers or trainers doing that to her made her sick. And everyone thought it was in her best interest to be completely innocent to the touch of a man when she has her first encounter with the Soldat.

Which turned out exactly as planned. But on the day Steve and Sam plucked her out of her bedroom, she was not expecting the Soldat to be sitting right in front of her. In all his glory.

The quinjet was eerily silent for all of seven seconds before Clint had the audacity to continue the conversation he started.

“You make the soldier happy?” was the best the shocked man could come up with.

“I haven’t met him yet, but I’m ready. They made me ready for him.” y/n said with bright, hopeful eyes. Her words flowed so easily, they sounded rehearsed.

“Do we tell her?” Tony asked Steve, who was getting greener by the second. He couldn’t believe he just got his best friend back, not two weeks ago, and now he has to worry about a girl who’s obsessed with said best friend.

“I don’t think we really have a choice.” Steve replied, taking a deep breath. The whole quinjet looked like they were holding their breath. y/n still didn’t know the names of the three men on the opposite side of the quinjet. Two of them standing together, pausing their conversation, and the brooding man, who everyone keeps looking at.

“y/n, meet Bucky.” Steve said, pointing at the man across from her. But ‘Bucky’ went completely over her head- the name being unfamiliar to her.

“Hello, sir. Pleased to meet you.” She said, offering a genuine smile, but clearly not picking up what Steve was putting down. Clint chimed in again, wanting to be out of his confused misery.

“Wait a second. Y/n. You mean the soldier, as in the Winter Soldier?” Y/n immediately nodded at hearing that name. She knew her Soldat went by that name. “As in that guy right there?” 

Her eyes went wide at the realization. He was sitting right in front of her. Staring at her since the minute she stepped onto the plane. And he was gorgeous. Long hair, thick thighs, piercing blue eyes, and a jaw that could probably cut glass. But he looked upset. Pissed really, and that scared her. She had one job: Make the Soldat happy. And there she was, barely presentable. She hadn’t even addressed him properly, how she was taught. With all the eyes on her, she felt a blush rush through her whole body at the embarrassing thought. But she had to. He wouldn’t like her if she didn’t follow the rules she grew up with.

Y/n daintily stood up and walked until she was right in front of Bucky. He held her eye contact the entire way, still not having said one word during this whole exchange. She gently knelt down until she was on her knees in front of him. 

“I hope I can make you happy, my Soldat. I am a gift from the Men who take care of us, and I am entirely yours.” Bucky’s jaw twitched. He hadn’t said anything this whole time, but his mind was moving at lightning speed. He watched this gorgeous, barely dressed girl sit across from him, and was already in awe. But then that girl got on her knees and declared her loyalty to him? In front of everyone he knows? He couldn’t lie to himself, he’d never been more turned on. But everything about this was wrong. She was just a Stockholm Syndrome’d girl who wanted to follow orders. But her orders were to make him happy. He finally broke eye contact with her to see Tony’s shocked face looking over at Bruce and Thor, to make sure he’s not hallucinating this. 

“Y/n, you should stand up.” He said to her in a hushed tone. Probably harsher than he meant to. He could see her visibly take a breath at the sound of his voice, his eyes followed the gentle slope of her neck down to her breast. She dreamed for years about what his voice would sound like, and it just rolled over her. But she quickly obeyed and stood in front of his seat. He expected her to say something else, but she was silent then. Her previous outburst was one of the few exceptions to her ‘only talk when spoken to’ rule. “What do you want? Where is your family so we can take you home?” He asked her. She could feel the tears well up in her eyes. He didn’t want her was all she could assume. She was made for him, so why was he turning her away?

“I want to make you happy, sir. It’s all I want. Please let me be good for you. I promise, I’ll be so good for you.” Begging was familiar to her from her studies. She didn’t expect to be begging for her to be able to please him, but she would do whatever it took to get him to keep her.

“No. Y/n. This isn’t right. You were being kept there, whatever Hydra told you to do is over. You’re free now.” The tears flowed freely down her cheeks and it broke his heart. She tried to cover her face with her hands. He didn’t want to see her cry, nor did he want to turn her away, but he also couldn’t just let her be his sex slave. It wasn’t right. 

“Please don’t be sad. This is for the best-” He tried to reason with her, but when he took her hand off her face so she would look at him, the contact only made her sob harder. This was all she wanted. 

“Buck, I think we should just let her sit for a minute. Can you grab her some water? Tony and I will try to figure out where she was from.” Steve said to Bucky- trying to end this painful and awkward situation. Bucky stood and walked to another area of the quinjet. He was grateful to be able to use this time to think.

“Y/n, we’re gonna need your help to get you home okay. What’s your last name? How old are you?” 

“Y/L/N” And then she went quiet. It never occurred to her that she didn’t know how old she was. Of course, she remembered her birthday, but she couldn’t tell the weeks and months apart, so she hadn’t celebrated it since she turned 10 in 2006. “What year is it?”

“When did they take you?” Steve asked gently. Being a man from another time, he could remember well the day he woke up in 2011 when it was supposed to be 1944. He knew how jarring it was to discover all the time that’s been lost, and wanted to spare her that grief.

“2006. I was 10.” She looked at him, and she could tell it’s not just 2008 by the look on his face. She knew her body went through changes over her time with the Men, but between the ‘dietary supplements’ they gave her, and the fact that she wasn’t looking in a mirror- much less shopping for clothes- she didn’t realize she had fully completed puberty. 

“Y/n, it’s 2016. You’re 20 now.” And that made the tears come harder. But she wasn’t so upset about the 10 years of her life. She was mad at 20 years of her life wasted. Since Bucky didn’t want her, all of the training was for nothing. She knew living for him made her the definition of a broken person- she wasn’t dumb. The idea of her Soldat was what grounded her all that time. When she was lonely, she’d think about the man the Men always tell her about. They told her how he was their ‘greatest asset’. And she often fantasized about if he would fall in love with her. So by the time she met him, she had already been in love with him for much longer than she’d care to admit- which makes the heartbreak of rejection hurt that much more.

Unfortunately for Bucky, his heart was heavy too. He tucked away into the tiny bed area on the jet after quickly handing Steve the water to give to y/n. It was too much. Being in that room with her, she looked at him like he hung the moon. But he most certainly had not. He was a murderer. Tony’s father was a scientist during the war, and Bucky knew him pretty well through Steve. And he killed him. He had scattered memories of hurting dozens of people, so why would she be so willing to be with someone like him?

Part of him wanted it. After almost a century of not owning anything and not having a choice, he was given the opportunity to have something that belonged only to him. A gift from the men who take care of us. If it wasn’t cruel, he would have laughed in her face. Maybe she was taken care of, but he most certainly wasn’t. She was brought in young enough to still be under the impression that Hydra wasn’t evil, just strict. He imagined for a minute how things could have turned out for the two of them if he hadn’t gotten free. If Hydra really was planning on giving him a gift. He didn’t like the last gift they gave him in the shape of an arm, but y/n was perfect. She was the perfect size for him- although his broad frame could dwarf most women. And her smile pulled at his heart.

He wanted to kiss her the minute he saw her. He knew he wanted to make her his.

And that was bad.

He rubbed his hand over his face and decided to rejoin the group in the middle of their conversation. Thor and Bruce decided to stop being passive members of the conversation and introduced themselves. Y/n was very confused at Thor’s proclamation as ‘God of Thunder’, but with all that was happening, she didn’t feel it was her place to question it.

“- a good thing we have spare rooms at the compound. You can stay as long as you like.” Tony finished speaking to y/n just as Bucky was walking into the room. “We’re gonna have a new house guest MC.” He waggled his eyebrows at the man who caught the back half of that conversation.

Bucky’s jaw dropped. This would only make the situation much harder than it needed to be. He looked to Steve for an explanation. The blond stood up and made his way over to Bucky.

“Look, Hydra scrubbed her records off of every database and-” He took a deep sigh, “Her family is dead, Buck. They probably killed them after they took her.” 

Then it was Bucky’s turn to sigh. He knew the right thing to do was to help her, but he also knew how much he wanted to feel her soft skin in his hands. And that made her dangerous to be around. 

What nobody knew was why Hydra took the 10 year old from Georgia. In 2006, the Winter Soldier was sent on a mission to kill a scientist that lived there. Of course the poor guy didn’t have a chance when the Soldier was sitting in his house, waiting for him when he got home, but what the Soldier wasn’t expecting was a little girl to be coming inside with him. The scientist looked sleazy and didn’t have any children, so who knows what would have happened to her if the Soldier didn’t get there in time. She screamed and cried. The comm in his ear commanded him to kill the girl for being a witness. But the part of the Soldier that was still Bucky wanted her to be safe. He shushed the little girl and asked her for her address. When she recited it to him, he rubbed her head and told her she was a good girl, before he dug his metal fingers into the child’s pressure points and she fell limp into his arms. y/n woke up in her bed, crying at the bad dream she must have had- her mother not even home yet. That was the first act of defiance Hydra ever experienced from the Winter Soldier. First sign of humanity and compassion. They knew if the mind control was getting weaker, he would be harder to control next time they unfroze him, but his protective nature of the girl would make her an asset to them.

Her capture was arranged before his heart was fully frozen in the chamber. Neither Bucky nor y/n remembered this- Bucky only remembering parts of his time under their control, and y/n never thinking about that bad dream again, but the connection was still there as strong as it was that day 10 years ago.

Part 3

[soldierswar]

Shots

Bucky x Reader

Fluff. (A liiitle bit of angst if you squint.)

(Mentions of drinking).

Synopsis: It officially becomes apparent to Bucky that he is completely immune to the effects of alcohol. But without the liquid courage that he was hoping for will he have the guts to tell you how he really feels?

“Never have I ever blacked out and woken up in an unknown location.”

Bucky took three shots.

“Umm, I’m pretty sure that you’re only supposed to take one, Barnes,” you snorted.

He shrugged nonchalantly.

“What are you gonna do, arrest me?”

You rolled your eyes.

“Again, why are we playing a drinking game that you probably haven’t played since you were a college freshman?” your friend Meg slurred.

“Because Meggy, I need to see this man drunk.”

Bucky gave a mockingly shocked expression with only his eyes and a slight nostril flare.

“Well, it looks like it might take a little while,” your friend Isaac stated.

“How much have you had, man?”

Bucky thought about it and shrugged, and you giggled.

You had met Bucky a lot of times when he and Sam sometimes needed intel from the CIA. Eventually, you just became the one CIA agent that they (especially Bucky) came to nowadays. As time went by you kind of became friends, and you finally had the courage to ask him to come over for a little party that you were throwing with ten or so people. You couldn’t lie and say that you weren’t shocked when he showed up. He seemed like quite the introvert. You were even more shocked that he stayed as long as he did with only four of you left at 1 am.

“Wait,” you snorted taking a swig of your beer.

“I wanna know where the hell you woke up.”

Bucky groaned.

“You know how it goes. I was 16, one thing led to another and I woke up shirtless in a Brooklyn park. That’s never happened to you?”

You gave him a dumbfounded look.

“No…”

“Your loss,” he teased.

“Okay, well I think that Meg has had enough,” Isaac sighed checking the time and watching her head drift around like a bobblehead at times.

“This one needs to get home.”

He went to her side placed her arm around his shoulder and picked her up.

“I’m totally capable of walking, asshole,” she protested, but gave in 0.5 seconds later and held onto him a little tighter. You could tell that she might have been acting just a little bit drunker than she actually was just to play the damsel in distress that desperately needed him.

They still hadn’t had the guts to tell you that they had been sleeping together for at the very least a good month. And you knew he would most likely be staying the night with her. But just to watch over her.

“Well take a water bottle with you,” you ordered pointing to the row of them you had set out on the counter.

“Aye aye, captain,” she slurred again sloppily saluted you.

“Don’t worry,” Isaac reassured.

“I’ll make sure she gets home okay.”

“I’m sure you will,” you nodded.

He gave you a suspicious glare.

“Okay well I’ll see you on Monday Y/L/N,” he continued.

“And I’ll see you…whenever, Barnes.”

Bucky raised his drink to that and said goodbye as they walked out the door.

“Are they gonna be okay?” Bucky asked.

“They took a cab here. Do you honestly think that I’d let either one of them get in the drivers’ seat? After trying to compete with you?”

Bucky gave a slight shrug.

“Anyways,” he groaned like an old man while getting up.

“I’m gonna help you clean up.”

You looked around at the living room with multiple dirty dishes, and almost finished platter of nachos, and leftover pizza.

“It’s fine,” you reassured.

“I’ll just do it in the morning or something.”

But he protested by picking up some of your plastic cups. One thing you learned about Bucky, one could never stop him from doing what he wanted to do. So you gave in and followed his direction and began picking up.

As time passed while you were reorganizing the apartment from its party layout you learned that Bucky was actually pretty funny. He’d tell little stories about stupid things he’d done in past times and present times, along with asking you about yourself. But he was a little bit shy about it as if not wanting to pry. But you liked it. You really liked his company.

“Okay Barnes, tell me,” you inquired while wiping the last plate in the dish pile.

He was standing barely two feet away from you leaning with his back against the counter and sipping a glass of your strongest whisky.

“How are you still seemingly so sober? Are you just an insanely good actor? Or is your tolerance just impossibly good?”

Bucky sighed.

“I have a suspicion that…I don’t think I can feel anything from alcohol anymore.”

You shook your head.

“What do you mean by that?”

“What I said,” he retorted.

Okay fair enough.

“Since I’ve been…back I’ve noticed that no matter how much I drink nothing happens. I think tonight especially attested to that. Damn, I really should have asked Steve about that.”

His expression drifted off a little bit before catching himself and continuing.

“I think the only appeal is the burn now. And good alcohol still tastes good.”

You thought about what that would be like. You weren’t by any means a heavy drinker, but you wondered what drinking booze was like without feeling a buzz. Non-alcoholic beer never appealed to you one bit.

“That sounds like it kind of sucks. No more waking up shirtless in Central Park.”

He rolled his eyes and flashed a somewhat tortured smile.

“You’re telling me.”

His expression drifted off again with his eyes glazing over. And he seemed to look a little bit uncomfortable.

“Well you’re pretty fun to be around regardless,” you said.

He smiled.

“I’m glad you think so. I’m not always…great at these sorts of things.”

He took another huge gulp finishing what was left in his glass. It must just be a nervous force of habit.

“I, um…I uh…” he stuttered.

“I probably could have used a bit of liquid courage.”

Why did he seem so shy? And damn why did that shyness make your heart skip a few beats?

You looked into his beautiful blue eyes staring back at you sincerely. And for some reason, your next inclination was to sit on the counter leaving only a few inches of gap between the two of you.

“What for?”

He cleared his throat looking down for a few seconds before meeting your gaze again.

“It’s stupid,” he said shaking his head.

“Sergeant Barnes,” you said in a soft surprised tone.

“You may make some pretty stupid impulsive decisions sometimes, but I’ve known you to never say anything stupid.”

All he did was stare into your eyes making your heart flutter and beat so hard in your chest that you almost couldn’t stand it. He was not making the whole liking him without having the courage to tell him thing very easy.

He smiled looking down at the floor again.

“I uh…” he took a deep breath. You were pretty sure that he wished that he could take a real drink.

“I think that there’s something you should know.”

You were generally really good at reading people. It was pretty much your job to do so, but there was no way that you were reading him correctly at this moment.

He then reached his hand forward and pulled a stray strand of hair back.

“You want me to know that my hair’s a mess?”

He smiled and exhaled through his nose. But he didn’t move his hand. With incredibly wide pupils he stared into yours, and you kept your nervous gaze locked on him. Was this really happening?

And before you knew it he was kissing you. And you kissed him. You couldn’t stop kissing him. The last thing you ever wanted to do was stop kissing him even if it meant never coming back for air. But eventually, he pulled away to where his lips were not two inches away from yours and gave you that devilishly charismatic smile.

“No, that’s not what I wanted to say.”

You giggled and pulled his face back to yours again and let him kiss you deeper as you held his face in one hand brushing his cheek with your thumb. There was no moment in your life that ever felt as perfect as this moment felt. And you hoped that he felt even half as much the same.

For the rest of the night, you spent time on your couch continuing to talk, and laugh, and just overall get to know each other. And of course, he or you would initiate a break by kissing some more. And next thing you knew the sun was coming up and it eventually was a bright sunny day.

You didn’t even realize when you had fallen asleep. The last thing you remembered was you sitting on his lap and talking about something that you couldn’t remember. All you knew was that you were comfortable with your head resting on his chest hearing the steady rhythm of his heartbeat and the soft rise and fall of his chest. He too was asleep with his chin resting on the top of your head. You hoped that he wasn’t too uncomfortable by seemingly not wanting to wake you up. But he didn’t really seem to be. He was still as a statue.

You decided that it was time to move and scooted onto the couch in turn waking him up.

“Morning,” you whispered.

“I hope you’re not too hungover.”

Bucky chuckled sleepily and then checked the time on his watch. You both couldn’t believe that it was 9 am.

“I should get going,” he said and let out another old man’s groan while getting up and you followed him to the door.

“I uhh…I think it might go without saying that I was hoping to be able to see you again.”

You smiled because obviously, you were thinking the same thing.

“I mean…Outside of work…Like to hang out?”

You giggled. You didn’t expect him to continue to be shy and bashful the way that he was.

“Just give me a time and a place.”

His face lit up and he planted one more kiss on your lips causing you to blush.

“So I’ll see you?”

You gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“Sooner than later,” you replied.

He nodded.

And as he walked down the hall you couldn’t help yourself but to yell out,

“Are you sure you’re sober enough?”

And of course, you smiled for at least ten minutes after he yelled at you to fuck off.

This man was a keeper.

[egcdeath]

strangers again

summary: “hiiii sweetie!! can i request a steve x reader where he left yn for peggy. but he always felt guilty and missed yn. he would always stare at her pic. when he came back he bumped into yn while she was dropping a kid to daycare. and steve realized it was his son. kinda sad but fluff at the end pls!!!! and oh i super love your works!!! tysm 🌼🥺💕”

pairing: steve rogers x reader

warnings: decent angst, brief mention of a depressive episode, abandonment, somewhat unrealistic behavior

word count: 3.8k

author’s note:  i really hope that this lives up to your expectations but it is a little cheesy. i’d also like to warn that i have not interacted with a child in several years, so.. sorry. (there’s also a lot of exposition so double sorry if that’s not your thing!)

You’d never forget the moment Steve left to return the stones, with the promise to be back in only a matter of moments.

Maybe your definition of a matter of moments was different from his.

You seemed to be the only one without a clue of what Steve truly planned to do, with Bucky only telling you after the matter that Steve was leaving for the past and for Peggy, and probably not coming back.

After finding out, something deep within you broke. You could barely leave your bed for days, you struggled to eat, sleep, even drink water. Every task that used to seem like muscle memory, began to feel like it carried the weight of the world behind it. Every hobby that you once enjoyed becoming empty and bleak.

You constantly felt inadequate. How could you love someone so much, and be told you were loved so much while always being second to someone else?

The simple sentiment of it had left you feeling miserable, and sick to your stomach. Literally. Nearly every morning, and occasionally if you smelled something too strong, you found the contents of your stomach emptied.

You attempted to ignore it at first. Meshed with every other unpleasant symptom you were going through, you’d figured that it was just one more bullet point on the list of things that had been plaguing you. But when your friends insisted that you go check up with your doctor, you had a hard time saying no.

Once you received the results from your blood test, you were completely taken aback by the fact that you were pregnant. You couldn't believe that you hadn’t considered the possibility of pregnancy earlier.

Yet,  after a long and hard period of pondering, you managed to surprise yourself once again after you realized you wanted to keep it.

After all, that could be the only piece of Steve you had left.

----

You began to tell yourself that Steve was dead. That was somehow less painful than the idea that he left you for someone that he barely knew, yet had fallen so hard for nearly 70 years ago. You refused to let yourself fall for anyone else romantically, now that you were aware that anyone had the capacity to leave you at any time, no matter how deep you perceived your relationship to be.

You guarded your heart, and made sure to only let in those that you knew you could trust for a fact. For the remainder of your pregnancy, only your closest family members and friends stood by your side.

About 8 months later, you brought a small, but healthy infant into the world. From that moment on, you promised yourself to become the best version of yourself that you could be. No dwelling on the past, and no yearning for what could’ve been. Your only duty now was to provide the best life possible for your offspring.

So you did.

----

You stood in the kitchen, peeling an orange for your son before he bounded into the room. You turned and gave him a big grin, and he grinned back to you.

“Did you get dressed all by yourself?” You asked him excitedly, receiving a nod in return before he ran up to your leg, and hugged it.

“I did, Mommy!” He looked up at you with his soulful eyes, and you couldn’t help but to feel bombarded with emotion.

Even at the tender age of five, Grant seemed to become a bit more like his father every day. The shape of his eyes, the slope of his nose, the sound of his giggle. To the average onlooker, he came across as the same as any other child, but to you, your son was the splitting image of Steve.

“Good work, little man. Now go sit at the table so mommy can finish breakfast, okay?” He didn’t even bother confirming with you before more or less sprinting to the table. You couldn’t help but to ask yourself if your son had obtained all of that energy and speed from his father as well.

Breakfast was over almost as soon as it started, and before you knew it, you were warming up your car after you’d assisted Grant with brushing his teeth.

You were in an oddly nostalgic mood that day, playing music from a time period before you’d even imagined bringing another life into the world. You glanced up at the rearview mirror and watched your son happily bop his head to the beat. You thought in passing about how much of a gift he truly was.

After arriving at his school, you hopped out of the car and over to the furthest seat in the back, where he’d insisted on sitting that day.

“You ready, big guy?” You questioned while reaching out to grab him from the car seat.

“Born ready,” he agreed. You chuckled and shook your head fondly at that while getting him out of the car.

“Who taught you that?”

Grant shrugged, “I came up with it myself.”

“I’m sure. Can you hold my hand while we’re out please?” You reached out for him, and he gladly obliged.

You soon became distracted by a large man across the street, his built figure and light blonde hair making you recall the father of your child. You gave Grant’s hand a light squeeze and continued to approach the door, not being able to help yourself, and glancing over at the man one last time.

Except this time was different. Your eyes locked with the blonde man outside of the coffee shop across the street unexpectedly. Where you once thought casually to yourself that it looked like Steve, you now had confirmation that it was in fact the man who you’d fallen in love with, and found yourself pregnant by.

You audibly gasped, receiving a bit of a questioning look from your child. Your heart dropped as a metric ton of emotions hit you all at once, anger, sadness, confusion. Everything you told yourself you needed to repress, had suddenly come back to you all at once.

Even from a distance, you swore you could see his eyes flit from you to Grant, and the next thing you knew, he was approaching your direction. Looking for an easy out, and a distraction from your rather observant child, you quickly caused a misdirection.

“Grant, is that Stacey over on the playground? You should totally go show her that new version of tag that you were telling me about!”

Your son, ever the speedster, booked it towards the playground, and you let out a sigh of relief. Although, the relief didn’t last long, as just moments later, Steve was almost all the way up to you. As you turned to try to escape, you felt a hand on your arm.

“Y/N?” He asked, almost timidly.

You weren’t even sure what to say. In fact, you didn’t feel like you had control of your own body at this point. “Steve? I-“ You ran a hand through your hair and bit the inside of your lip. “You need to go.” The pain that was rushing through you was too much for you to bare, especially considering the man who caused the hurt had suddenly decided to reappear in your life after giving you a world of self doubt and abandonment issues.

Steve seemed hurt by your statement, but you weren’t sure how much longer you could stand to even look at his face. “Please, Y/N, let me explain,” he begged.

“No, Steve. You don’t get that luxury. You left me for someone else, and I guess you got to live a nice, long life with her. You don’t get to just show back up in my life when you get bored, okay? I can’t afford to play those types of games anymore. Now if you’d let me go-“ You attempted to get to your car, but Steve side stepped you.

“It wasn’t like that. You know it isn’t like that.”

“Just fucking leave! You have no idea what this has all been like for me. You had your opportunity to leave, and you gladly took it. Stay the fuck out of my life, and the hell away from my son.” You grabbed the handle of your car door and got in, reeling as you watched a dejected Steve walk away.

Your heart pounded in your chest as you rested your head against the steering wheel. You were feeling way too many emotions to pinpoint exactly how you felt, but you knew that this couldn’t be good.

——

You put a brave face on for your son that day, picking him up from school in a daze, and only half listening to whatever it was that he was telling you.

You felt bad for only being able to nod along to whatever he was saying, and did he just ask you if he could get a dog? Did you just say yes?

You felt like a stranger watching yourself from the outside in. The ghost of the person you’d developed into over the years watching the past version of yourself slip right back into your body, and take over your daily routine through the next few days of your life.

You had an obscene amount of anger that soon dissolved into a deep sadness, and that sadness shorty developed into a morbid curiosity.

You spent an unreasonable, and certainly unhealthy amount of time searching your old lover’s name on tabloid websites and social media, just to see if he’d given a statement on his whereabouts, or a statement about anything at all.

After about day three of your minor internet stalking, you’d had an epiphany while sitting in your office.

You still have Steve’s number saved on your phone.

That was, of course, if it hadn’t changed between now and the years that he’d been off living in the past.

Something about knowing that you were just one text away from him made your heart race with a mixture of nerves and interest. Just one impulsive decision, and you could change the whole trajectory of the rest of your life.

If you got back in contact with Steve, you might not ever be willing to leave him. You refused to make that mistake again.

Until you did.

After reading Grant his nightly bedtime story, then wrapping him tightly in his little bed, you’d decided to treat yourself to a glass of Chardonnay.

It’d been a weird past couple of days. Your time traveling ex had randomly appeared back into your life, your coworkers seemed to get on your nerves a little more every moment you were around them, and Grant had a temper tantrum in the grocery store that afternoon over a chocolate bar, which gained judging stares from customers, and may have made you feel the slightest bit inadequate.

At least that’s what you told yourself as you filled your glass again, because two glasses can’t hurt, and again, since I kinda deserve this extra one, don’t I? The next thing you knew, the bottle was empty, and you were texting Steve for the first time in years.

Y: Is this Steve?

You watched as three white dots hovered on your screen for a moment, disappeared, then came back once again.

S: Is this Y/N?

Y: Yes.

Y: We should tlak

Y: *talk

S: I agree.

Y: So lets

Y: talk

S: I don’t think this is a conversation for texts.

Y: Then call me???????????????????

S: We should talk in person.

Y: Im not gonna do that sober

S: You’re not sober?

Y: do you think id text u sober u big fuckni asshole

S: I guess you’re right

S: So are we gonna talk?

Y: no ur gonna meet me at b cup cafe tomorrow at 10

S: AM or PM?

Y: AM I’m off

S: Are you sure you want to do this?

Y: Say yes before i change my mind

S: I’ll see you there

Y: Bye babydaddy

S: ????

You promptly deleted the messages, tossed your phone somewhere on the sofa, and sunk into the seat. Even in your not-completely-sober state, you already felt the all too familiar sense regret. You dragged the blanket that hung over the top of the sofa over your exhausted body, and closed your eyes, wishing that this was somehow all a dream.

----

It was not all just a dream.

You woke up with dried drool on your chin, and a deep pit of bad feelings and regret in your chest. Of course, you ignored the bad feelings and got ready, business as usual. You successfully dropped Grant off at school with little complications, and found yourself perking up a bit more.

Yet, something still felt slightly off. You reached into the passenger seat for your phone, and as you looked down on it, saw the familiar notification of a calendar event.  

10:00 AM b cup coff w Steeb

You groaned out loud at this. There was no obligation for you to go meet with him, but perhaps going and talking to Steve would bring you some sort of closure. Maybe then you could move on with your life, get with a nice guy who would mean it when he tells you he won't leave you, who loves Grant like he’s his own biological offspring, and to take care of the both of you through thick and thin.

You gladly daydreamed of this fantasy man while driving to the shop, but you couldn’t help but to see Steve’s face doing all of the aforementioned things. Before you even fell pregnant, that’s what you’d truly wanted with Steve. To be a family. To have your definition of home be with your people, rather than a place.

Entering the coffee shop, you briefly ordered your drink before looking around and find Steve sitting alone in a booth, mindlessly stirring around the liquid in his cup.

Timidly, you approached the booth, before setting your purse down and sitting across from him.

“You... you came?” He looked up to you with almost watery eyes.

“Of course I did,” you tried to hold yourself back from mentioning something about following through on your word. You wanted this to be as civil as possible. To build bridges rather than burn them.

“I just didn’t expect to see you in person again. And, you know, you were running a little late,” he added.

“Well, you try waking a five year old up and getting him ready for school every day,” you expelled a humorless chuckle to deflect from the slight agitation you were feeling.

“While you’re hungover?” Steve asked with a bit of a smirk, trying to lighten up the mood.

“While you’re hungover,” You confirmed, genuinely laughing now. It felt good, natural even. You’d kind of forgotten just how pleasant things used to be with Steve.

“Did you mean it last night?” he interrupted the laughter with a serious look.

“I honestly cannot remember anything I said last night. Elaborate, please?”

“That he’s mine. Your son.” He watched you silently nod, then began to speak again, “Wow, I just didn’t realize… How did that happen?” He looked down into his drink nervously.

“Well, it’s kind of hard to recall the exact details, but when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much...” You trailed off, and looked up as a barista called a butchered version of your name.

You were glad to have an excuse to get up and leave for a moment. Adrenaline was racing through your body, and you weren’t sure how much longer you could keep your composure before you erupted into tears, or had some sort of angry outburst.

Bringing your cup back to the booth, you sat down and took a sip of the scalding drink, “Where did we leave off?”

“I believe you were giving me the birds and the bees?”

“Right! Well, I think you know the rest. I’ll tell you more about Grant later. Right now, I want to know why you left and suddenly decided to come back.” You genuinely felt proud of your delivery. This was the moment you’d practiced in front of the mirror for years, and you didn’t even butcher it.

Steve shook his head and looked into his drink once again. It was so hard to look at you, let alone make eye contact with you, when he knew that he’d been the one to give you an ocean of grief. Yet, he was somewhat intrigued by hearing that his son’s name was his middle name.  

“It’s kind of a long story,” Steve began.

“Good thing we have time,” you crossed your arms as you spoke.

“Well, waking up in a whole new time period isn’t exactly the easiest thing ever. You and me both know I missed it there, and it’s always been more than just nostalgia for me. I truly believed that I belonged back there.”

Of course, you had an idea of this, but hearing Steve confirm what you’d already thought made your insides twist.

“But I was so wrong. More than anything, I guess I was in love with a romanticized version of the past. Of Peggy.”

Hearing her name, especially from Steve, made you bristle. You wanted to interrupt him at this point, but it wouldn’t do you or him any good to become hostile while he explained himself.

“By the time I realized, it was too late. I figured you’d already moved on and found someone else to take care of you, and the world, this world, didn’t really need me anymore. But something possessed me to come back.”

“So you’re telling me that if you stopped being an idiot that just assumes things, we could’ve worked this out before? That you could’ve been an active participant in your son’s life?”

“I guess that’s a good way to interpret that story. I know I haven’t been in his life, but is there any way that I can still meet him?” Steve asked hopefully.

“Yeah, of course. He’s just like,” you sighed a bit to yourself. “He’s like a carbon copy of you. Especially his personality, but like, down to his mannerisms. I always struggled to understand how he could be so much like his dad, and never even had met him. You’ll love him.”

“Even if I didn't like him, I’d still love him.”

“How do you still manage to be such a cheeseball all the damn time? You think you’d be able to make it to dinner tonight?”

----

At exactly 6:30 on the dot, your doorbell rang, and before you even had the chance to think about opening it, Grant already was at the door, and opening it. You cringed on the inside, and made a mental note to have another conversation about stranger danger with him.

“Do I know you? Who are you?” you heard your child question from the other room as you set down the last of the plates in your dining room.  

“I’m Steve, your mom’s friend... and…” Steve nearly spilled the beans to his son, but didn’t want to cause any more damage than he’d already done. “Her friend.”

“That’s so cool! I have friends too, like Nick, and Stacey, and,” you’d rushed up to the door and wiped your brow, internally hoping that you hadn’t just smudged the makeup you’d put on for the occasion.

“Hi, Steve, come on in,” You beckoned him in, and pulled Grant to the side, quietly scolding him before leading Steve into the dining room. “Grant! This is the last time I’m telling you about opening doors, okay?” He nodded obediently, then followed you and Steve.

“Can I sit next to your friend, Mommy?”

“Is that alright with you, Steve?”

“More than fine.”

Grant sat down next to him, and scooted a bit closer than necessary, while you sat across from the two of them.

“I have to in… enter a gate you now. Because Mommy never brings any over her friends over. I didn’t know she had any friends.”

You blushed a bit at this, at your son’s overdramatic behavior, and his admission that you’d become a bit of a loner.

“Go ahead, pal,” Steve chuckled heartily.

“When did you meet my mom?”

“Before you were even born.”

“Wow! That’s a long time. You’re really old. What’s your favorite dinosaur?”

“I’ve heard T-Rexes are pretty cool.”

“Have you met any?”

You nearly spat out your drink at this. If only your son had known.

“Nope, never. Have you?”

“Hmm, not yet. But they’re my favorite dino too. Now your ‘gating is over.”

You couldn’t help but to burst out into laughter at the bizarre exchange, but you were glad that your son and Steve were getting along so well.

The rest of dinner went pretty similarly, with Grant bantering with Steve, and Steve indulging him. You could tell that the relationship between the two of them was something that came both naturally and easily. You couldn’t help but to grin as Grant began to ramble about how cool Steve was, and how he swore he was better friends with Steve than you were.

“Mommy, isn’t Steve the best? You guys should totally get married so he can have dinner with us every day!” he swooned. “He even kinda looks like me, right?!”

That’s why you couldn’t help what came out of your mouth next.

“Grant, Steve is… He’s your dad,” you said quietly.

Grant nodded, then slurped up a noodle, “That’s why he’s so cool! He gets it from me, right Mom?”

“That sounds right to me,” You glanced up at Steve, and noticed his surprised expression. You mouthed something along the lines to ‘He’ll process it later,’ and waved a dismissive hand, before going in for another bite of food.

----

After putting Grant to bed, You and Steve stood at your kitchen sink, bumping elbows occasionally as the two of you silently worked together to wash and dry dishes.

The domesticity and familiarity of the action brought you an obscene amount of comfort. You remembered how you once believed that this is what your future would look like. Your thoughts were interrupted by Steve beginning to talk.

“Doesn’t this remind you of life after the first snap?” He asked, breaking the silence.

“Kind of. You’re not off the hook yet, by the way. You still have plenty of explaining and proving you’ve changed to do.” You set the last cup in the cupboard, then dried your hands off.

“I know, I know,” Steve began.

“We don’t even know if you’re ready for fatherhood. But right now, I kinda don’t care. I really just want you to kiss me.” You reached up to Steve’s cheek, and he pulled you in for a soft and chaste kiss.

You’d never felt more at home.

——

me with this fic:

[avengerscompound]

The Tower: Happily Ever After - 5

The Tower: Happily Ever After An Avengers Fanfic

Series Masterlist | Character Refrence PREVIOUS //

Pairing:  Avengers x OFC, Bruce Banner x Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton x Wanda Maximoff x Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff x Tony Stark x Thor x Sam Wilson x OFC (Elly Cooper)

Word Count: 1601

Warnings:  Pregnancy

Synopsis: Almost 40 years after Elise Cooper first crashed into Natasha Romanoff outside the library at Columbia University, she and the Avengers are adapting to a near-immortal life together with their large brood of children.  Yet things aren’t perfect.  Life is moving on without them and they’re starting to discover who isolating being immortal can be.When Angela comes and asks Thor to take the throne of Asgard once more, the group leaves Earth in the hopes that they will find their Happily Ever After there.

Chapter 5: Farewell to Our Old Life

It was kind of strange how little there was to organize for us regarding our move.  There was packing, but we couldn’t exactly hire a moving truck so it needed to fit in bags that we could carry or it had to stay behind.  That was difficult.  We had had a long time to collect a lot of things we considered precious to us.  The glass artwork that Thor and I had inadvertently made on our honeymoon was the thing I wished we could bring the most.  It would stay in the fountain in the entry and hopefully, we’d come back sometimes and see it.

Thankfully, most of our things were fairly portable.  We also wouldn’t need a lot of clothes because Asgard would provide things more fitting for the palace, and it’s not like we would need any furniture.  Mostly it was just personal effects and tech that Tony wanted to use there.

Other than that it was just letting the doctors know I was leaving, pulling Marya out of school, and organizing the party.

It was still leaning on the stressful side though - especially considering we were still waiting to hear what the rest of the kids were going to do.

Even though Rose and Paul had appeared closest to deciding to come, it was Billy and Teddy who came back to us first with a yes.  They had also said they wanted to do a bonding ceremony when we were there, which added another level of excitement and another level of stress.

Rose and Paul came next.  They said that they would try it out and see.  The concern about their children’s lifespan was a big issue for them, but Paul also said he’d be crazy to give up at least trying to live on Asgard as actual royalty.

As expected it was Eddie who took the longest to decide.  He really did love his job, and I think even with his talk about having children, he, Lyra, and Rory were still right into the rich, young party lifestyle.  He was worried about what they’d lose going to Asgard, rather than focusing on the things he might gain. 

No one pressured him though.  Any questions the three had were answered as honestly as we could and if we didn’t know we’d send word back to Asgard and Loki would come and give the answers they were looking for if at all possible.  Eventually, he decided that he’d give it six months for us to settle and make sure things with Stark Industries and the Avengers was transitioning smoothly given our sudden departure, and then he and his family would join us there to try it out.  He mentioned maybe doing six months on each planet or returning to Earth for a month or two every year, but we were all just glad he was willing to try it out, and his delayed departure from Earth was a good idea.  He even promised to come and visit when his new siblings were born.

When our goodbye party began, the whole family was excited for this new chapter in our lives and sad to say goodbye to the last.

Many of our friends were elderly or had passed on, so the party was going to be a mixture of different people.  Clarke was still around, though Jax had passed a few years ago.  We’d lost Rhodey and Fury, though Hill was still running the day-to-day operations of the Avengers, even in her old age, and Coulson had retired after years as successfully being director of SHIELD.  Vision was the same as ever, and people often came to him for direction when it came to the Avengers.  Carol also hadn’t changed though she still spent more time in space than on Earth.  A lot of the people we had met that had seemed so young when we met them, were all not officially middle-aged.  Even Peter Parker who was only fifteen when I met him was now pushing fifty and had a wife and daughter of his own.

They would all be at the party, including a lot of the new Avengers lineup.  Most of whom were much heavier hitters than any of us, even when we were wielding Mjolnir.  It was definitely going to be sad to say goodbye.

“It’s going to be okay, you know?”  Wanda said, snapping me out of my mini-trance as she ran a brush methodically through my hair.

“No, I know,” I said, tilting my head back.

“Then tell your brain that,” she teased.

I giggled and leaned up and pecked her lips.  “I’m sorry.  I would if I could.  Just hormones I guess.  Feeling stressed.”

“Well, stop it,” she scolded playfully.  “It’s bad for the babies.”

She began to braid my hair and I hummed as her fingertips grazed over my scalp.  “Imagine it though, Elly,” Wanda said.  “All the kids nearby - the new babies.”

“You’re a baby-oholic,” I said, laughing softly.

“It’s true,” she says.  “I am.”

She ran a hand around my side and pressed it on my stomach.  “I can’t wait to meet them,” she said.  “They already have such busy thoughts.”

I looked up at her and I’m not sure whether it was the look of pure and complete love in her eyes or the way the light caught in her hair, but I was struck by how beautiful she was and how much I loved her.  She smiled and pressed a kiss to my forehead.  “I love you too,” she said and picked up a strand of silver wire with black opal and threaded it into my hair.  “All done.”

I stood carefully and straightened out the skirts on my blue lace cocktail dress.  “How do I look?” I asked.

“Perfect as always,” she said.  “Let's go say goodbye to our friends.”

We made our way down to the party deck where the party was only just starting up.  Bruce, Steve, and Clint were all already there, but there was no sign of Tony, Natasha, Clint, Sam, Thor, or Bucky.

Some of our kids were there and their kids all played out in the garden atrium that was built on the protruding wing of the tower and the party deck opened out into.  I greeted everyone and as I made my way around the room more people arrived.

Clarke came over and tapped me on the shoulder.  I turned and smiled, hugging her tightly.  She had aged well, not as well as I had obviously, but while her face was lined and she was a little frailer looking, she had kept in good shape and she continued to color her hair.  It would be easy to think she was in her early fifties rather than her mid-seventies.  Her eyes were what gave it away.  What had once been vivid violet had faded to pale lavender and were slightly cloudy.  They were heavily lined at the corners, the years having carved deep crevices to mark each time she was happy or sad or angry or worried.  It was still my Clarke though and I was going to miss her.

“I can’t believe you’re not going to be here when these two are born,” she said, indicating to my stomach as we pulled apart.  She was one of the select group of people I would be totally fine with touching my stomach unasked - but she never assumed.  “Where am I going to get my baby kisses from?”

I laughed and shook my head.  “I guess you’ll have to visit me on Asgard.”

“You can do that?”  She asked.

“I mean… I’m the Queen.  I think I can pull some strings,” I teased.

She laughed.  “God, thinking of you as a Queen is such a trip.”

“Hey Auntie Clarke,” Billy said, appearing behind us.  “I haven’t seen you for a while.”

Clarke hugged him and looked around.  “It’s been too long.  Where are those kids of yours.”

“Come on, I’ll take you to them,” he looked over at me and narrowed his eyes.  “You go sit down, mom.  You know you’re supposed to be taking it easy.”

“I am taking it easy,” I argued, holding up my hands.  “I’m just standing here.”

“Go on,” he said.  “Don’t make me page Dad Tony.”

“Heaven forbid,” I laughed and he wrinkled his nose at me and led Clarke out to the atrium.  I got myself a little plate of appetizers and a glass of punch and went and took a seat.

It wasn’t long until the whole room was teeming with people.  The Avengers had gotten to be a rather large collection of people since the original six had been reluctantly dragged together all those years ago.  Having so many of the people who meant so much to all of us here at the same time couldn’t help but make me think about how I’d first joined this group that would one day be my family.

All those years ago I had been a traumatized woman in her mid-twenties, just trying to get by.  I didn’t have many good friends, because it took a lot for me to trust people.  It took a superhero to get through and with her, so many other people flooded in after.  I was so grateful to them, and so in love with each of them to this day.  It would be hard letting this life of ours go, but it was inevitable.  I still had my 9 chosen people though, and I always would.  I was glad to be taking this next step with them at my side.

// NEXT