#once again NOT TELLING PEOPLE WHAT TO DO WITH THEIR OWN POSTS just peeves me off fr

[just-spacetrash]

maybe im just a hater but those "'this post has x notes to me' dont u dare to predict notes for me!!!" add-ons to posts legit make me not wanna reblog most posts anymore

[quixoticall]

This Could Get Ugly 6. Views from the Outside

Summary: It's 1983 and The Downsides need another lead singer and you just happen to need a band--it's a perfect match. The only issue? You have to pretend to be in a relationship with your bandmate, Steve Harrington, but you can't help but be drawn to the band's broody guitar player.

pairing: s.h. x fem!reader, e.m. x fem!reader, j.b. x n.w.,

warnings: Mention of French people, angst, fake relationships,

A/N: Hello! Once again, thank you to everyone who interacted with this in any way! I love to hear feedback and see that you're enjoying the work! Another thing: My goal with this story is that it's told over the span of 4 individual works, with "This Could Get Ugly" being the first one. What this means is that there's going to be a LOT of juicy drama to enjoy but I will be taking my time getting to it. It's been super important to me that I tell the story right and at my own pace so while it may seem like the romance is tilting to one guy over another--just know, that that's all part of the plan! My pet peeve when reading love triangle type of stuff is when you can immediately tell which love interest is the end game so my goal for this is to be as even as possible, offering romance for both Steve and Eddie (In my mind, this is less of a love triangle and more of a love different people at different points in time type of thing). Anyway, what a long note! Please enjoy the chapter!

wc: 4.6k

MASTERLIST🎸

Previous Chapter 🎹

Subrosa Article

***

JONATHAN:  I never wanted to be famous, I just wanted to play music and make enough money to support my family. I could do all of that and more with The Downsides.

I felt like the luckiest guy in the world then. We were finally starting to see some stability as a band and even though things weren’t exactly as we expected, things were good. I mean we were making music we loved with people we liked—back when we all still liked each other.

***

October 1983—Los Angeles, California

As the studio had predicted, the band’s single was a total hit, as were you and Steve in the press. The gamble Starcourt was starting to pay off.

Everyone was more relieved than happy about that news.

What followed was a few grueling weeks of rerecording the band’s nearly completed album while also strategically traipsing arm-in-arm with Steve around every romantic spot in Hollywood trying to bait the paparazzi.

Things had finally slowed down a bit since the album was in post-production, but Starcourt still had you on a tight schedule. You had transitioned into rehearsing for the band’s upcoming tour. That’s how certain Startcourt was that the Downsides were going to be a success—you were rehearsing for a tour that hadn’t even been announced yet for an album that hadn’t even been released.

You try not to think about what it would mean if the band didn’t meet the label’s expectations. Instead, you focus on figuring out how to adapt to the band you’re now a part of.

The obvious lack of familiarity between all of you was not as pronounced when you were re-recording in the studio, now that you’re all rehearsing together, it is impossible to ignore. The original members of the band share a bond that keeps them incredibly in sync, oftentimes leaving you and Eddie struggling both on and off the stage. You’ve been working to adapt though, and you’ve made progress, sometimes you’re even close to feeling like the band has accepted you as one of their own. But then something will happen that will leave you feeling like an outsider once more.

***

The last thing a hungover you needs to see at seven in the morning is a Subrosa article questioning your moral character and calling you a man-eater. The universe—in the form of one Nancy Wheeler—has a different idea.

“Have you seen this?” the keyboardist asks, indignation coloring her tone, as she slings the offending publication across your lap.

You hadn’t seen it, in fact, but one look at the grainy picture of you and Steve and you can assume what the article says.

You sigh tiredly in response, “Honestly Nancy, you shouldn’t pay attention to this shit. I don’t know why you let it bother you so much.”

“It’s just so unfair that they’re singing Steve’s praises and are still dragging you through the mud, even though you’ve done nothing wrong.”

“Exactly, there’s no winning with them, not for me. So why don’t we just say fuck them and do whatever we want?” You find it in yourself to waggle your eyebrows playfully at her earning a giggle from the otherwise serious girl.

You catch Eddie watching your exchange from across the large warehouse that is serving as the band’s rehearsal space with a curious amount of interest.

The two of you have barely spoken since your row outside of Starcourt. It’s not like you’re missing out on much though, since Eddie barely interacts with the band beyond rehearsal which makes his apparent engagement with your conversation unusual. Eddie, realizing he’s been caught staring, opens his mouth to say something but is quickly interrupted by a very late Steve and Robin.

“Hey, have you seen the latest issue of Subrosa?” Steve asks, harried and out of breath.

You try not to think about the fact that this is the third time this week that the two of them have shown up together and late.

“Yes, we were just talking about it, which you would’ve known if the two of you were on time for once,” Nancy jabs back with no real heat, just the annoyance of an older sister chastising her siblings.

“Hey, don’t blame me, Robin wanted to—” he stops short as soon as his eyes land on you and coughs awkwardly.

“I wanted to stop by the post office,” Robin rushes to say. “It’s Bastille Day and I needed to send a card to my French pen pal, Celine in honor of the occasion.”

“Isn’t Bastille Day in July?” You ask Robin.

She flushes scarlet. “Right, exactly, that’s why this is so important, my card was already like three months late. You know how French people are about punctuality.”

She then exchanges a meaningful glance with Steve and Nancy who seem to be having their own sort of conversation consisting solely of glances and eyebrow movement.

“Fine, whatever,” Nancy exhales after a few terse moments of silent communication, “let’s just start please.”

She stands and the others follow suit. You, however, remain sat, trying to figure out what exactly had just happened.

Steve, sensing you hadn’t moved, turns to throw you an apologetic look over his shoulder before beaconing gently with a nod of his head. You sigh but join him, nonetheless.

This happens a lot.

***

JONATHAN: When the whole staged relationship thing first started, I don’t think any of us had any idea what that meant.  I mean, sure, it started out as the gimmick that got us through the door but it soon became something bigger than that. Their relationship was synonymous with the band and it's success and I'm sure that resulted in a lot of pressure. 

I think for the two of them, though, the most difficult part was trying to keep things professional, especially when other people began to get involved.

***

None of the personal dynamics mattered when you were all playing together.

What you loved most about your bandmates was that they cared about the music just as much as you did. That had become clear from the very first rehearsal and even now, nearly a month in, you’re still in awe watching them all perform alongside you.

 Prim, soft-spoken Nancy turned into a wild thing on the keyboard, her whole body moving with the music, fingers flying over the keys like it was nothing. Ever the perfectionist, she would never miss a note, and on the off chance that she did, curse words you had never heard before streamed out of her mouth, causing your eyes to go wide every time.

Jonathan, too, became something else: full of bravado and fire, hair swinging wildly and even jumping around on stage. His playing had a smoothness to it, he knew when to show restraint and let someone else shine and when to bring it himself.

Argyle and Robin were the biggest transformations, though. Gone was goofy and easy-going Argyle the person and all that was left behind was the laser-focused drummer, who seemed to move on instinct to create a strong musical foundation for the rest of you. Robin, who normally was a bit erratic and all over the place, became the self-assured, quick-thinking driving force behind the band. It was like she knew exactly how the song needed to sound and what each person needed to bring to get there. She was the first to let anyone know there was something amiss and no one took it the wrong way because she was rarely wrong.

Steve and Eddie were exactly what you had expected, however, what you did not expect was how alike they would be. They both moved gracefully and with careless precision. Showmen in equal measures.

Once you had familiarized yourself with your bandmates, figuring out how you fit into the band’s onstage dynamic was easy.

Off-stage was a whole different story.

***

JONATHAN: I mean, yeah, I think it was natural that there was a bit of a divide in those early days between the ‘original’ band and our two new members. It’s not for lack of trying though, it’s just, well the five of us lived in a house together and had known each other for years, it was probably kinda intimidating trying to jump into that dynamic. I also got the feeling that the other two weren’t really used to having friends. They both seemed to have their guards up in their own way.

With her you could tell she was holding back, almost like she was afraid of doing the wrong thing and well, with Eddie… you know how he is.

I think it was that feeling of sort of being on the outside that first drew them together, honestly.

***

Your eyes scan over the small craft services area that makes up part of your rehearsal space. Most of the band starts at one table, chatting amiably over lunch. Before you can even take a step in their direction, though, your eyes zero in on Steve and Robin, whose heads are bent, close together, whispering to one another intimately and you falter.

As much as you enjoyed Robin and Steve individually, watching them interact with one another often stoked an aching loneliness in you that you struggled to put out and the more time you spent with them only made it worse. After six weeks, you were worn thin.

Deciding that you’d rather not foster any unearned feelings, you turn to the only other table where Eddie is sitting alone bent over a thick paperback.

Trying to play it as cool as you can, you reach inside your bag to pull out your own book, and casually sit down across from the long-haired boy.

He stares you down. You raise an eyebrow in response.

“Didn’t know you could read,” he says casually.

“Funny, I was just about to say the same thing about you,” you shoot back with no real bite.

He chuckles to himself, seemingly impressed before gesturing to your book. 

“Didn’t peg you for a Baldwin type either,” Eddie says, eyes scanning the cover of your book.

You shrug, noncommittally, “I found a copy Beal Street sitting with a bunch of junk on my neighbor’s curb and I’ve been a fan since.”

He barks out a laugh so loud it catches everyone’s attention.

Conversation halts and you feel your bandmates’ curious gazes fall on you all at once.

“Forgive me, princess, but I have a hard time imagining you digging through other people's trash for books from what I know of you.”

“And what do you know about me, Eddie? I mean, other than the stuff Subrosa prints.”

His face falls in response.

The two of you spend the rest of your lunch in silence, pretending not to notice the way everyone else is staring.

***

JONATHAN: They ate lunch together every day after that, barely talking, reading their books.  I don’t think they were friends or anything, but I did see them exchange books a few times.

It did stress Nancy out, I think, the divide. It made her think we weren’t doing enough to be “welcoming” to them. Argyle and I didn’t really care, and Robin was dealing with her on shit at the time.

***

ROBIN : Yeah, I was seeing this girl, and I was trying to keep it under wraps from well… everyone actually. Steve was a really great friend though; he would always give me rides to and from her place when I needed them.

***

JONATHAN: ...a nd Steve liked to pretend that he didn’t care but he definitely did.

ROBIN: Of course, Steve cared, are you kidding?

NANCY: We could tell it bothered him.

STEVE : Did I care that she was eating lunch with Munson and kept avoiding me outside of rehearsal? No! Of course not.

***

November 1983, Los Angeles, California

The Downsides’ debut album was released on November 6, 1983, to commercial and critical success.

People immediately took to the upbeat synth sound paired with the introspective and clever lyrics. On top of that, you and Steve were, quite literally the talk of the town.

There were entire articles in gossip magazines dedicated to parsing out details of your relationship from the song lyrics on the album and coming up with theories about what the lyrics were about.

And all of that just from a few pictures of you two holding hands. Starcourt was ecstatic, they had bottled magic.

As much as everyone wanted to celebrate, you weren’t out of the woods yet, there were still the press junkets.

A growing list of TV and radio appearances that the band was required to be at plagued Hopper who was tasked with making sure you were all present and willing at these appearances. And of course, that you didn’t make fools of yourselves or Starcourt.

The label had taken it upon itself to send everyone PR briefings—essentially a long list of things no one should say under any circumstances during interviews.

Normally, you would think a list like this was overkill but knowing some of your bandmates, it was definitely needed.

All the eyes (and the pressure) would be on you and Steve, though, everyone knew that. You two were the ‘It Couple’ everyone wanted to hear from, and you weren’t quite sure what you were going to say.

The pap photos were easy: it was just walking around or sometimes getting lunch, holding hands, and looking like you were enjoying each other’s company. Something that wasn’t difficult since conversation flowed easily between the two of you.  At first, you would talk music—Steve was incredibly dedicated and knowledgeable, you quickly found out—but eventually, the two of you had branched into other topics. You learned about Steve’s life growing up in Indiana, about all his likes and dislikes, and everything about the band. He managed to pull the same information from you and you let him.

Even the physical stuff was easy, with time. In the beginning, it was an experiment of firsts. While you were pretty well-versed in the practice of feigned affection, you were used to the guy always making the first (fake) move. Most of the guys you had been "set up" with were the "act first, ask permission later" type. Steve was polite and considerate to a fault, and it took you two full dates to convince him that he didn't have to ask before holding your hand and an entire week more to work up to the kiss on the cheek. After those conversations though, touching Steve, in one way or another, had become second nature.

So much so, in fact, that it had begun to bleed into your everyday lives. It was not unusual during the time of your re-recording, to be at the studio and have Steve come up from behind you to rest his hand in the gentle dip of your waist only for you to lean back as you inhaled that scent that was uniquely him: smokey sandalwood and hair pomade.

Right around the time rehearsal started you realized that perhaps the two of you were becoming too comfortable with that type of affection, especially given how much time he spent with Robin, and you had begun to keep a subtle distance between the two of you whenever you weren’t on stage.

Steve while intelligent in his own right, had never struck you as the kind of person to pick up on subtleties, so when he brings up this distance you realize that either you severely underestimated his abilities, or you were not as subtle as you thought you’d been.

It’s a few days before the first stop of the Press Tour—An early morning slot with Wake Up, USA! —that has the two of you sitting on your couch when he brings it up. You had invited Steve over to practice answering any possible questions you may have to field together and make sure you’re on the same page.

As it turns out though, outside of music, Steve is not much for rehearsing.

“Can’t we just wing it?” Steve asks as he lies sprawled on your couch.

You huff in response, “No, we can’t just wing it. This is a big deal! This is our first time out as a couple, and we have to be believable.”

Steve scoffs at this and you raise an annoyed eyebrow in response.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he shrugs in response, “it’s just hard to act like a couple when you’ve been avoiding me for, like, the past month.”

He doesn’t sound accusatory or angry when he says this, just matter-of-fact. 

“I haven’t been avoiding you,” you sputter out, weakly.

It’s his turn to raise an incredulous eyebrow at you.

“Really? Could’ve fooled me. Last time I checked you and Eddie weren’t the best of friends, but you’d rather eat lunch with him than the rest of us. You know, if you didn’t like us, you didn’t have to agree to be in the band, we would’ve understood,” he deflates as he says this last sentence and it crumples your heart just a bit.

 “I like you guys,” you say quietly, nudging his leg with your knee as you do.

“Then, is it me?” He asks, voice small and eyes low.

“No, no, it’s not you, Steve,” you rush to say.

“It’s just, I’ve never really been any good at this,” you mumble, shy under his gaze.

“Good at what?” He urges gently.

“At being friends with people.”

You continue, words clunky and difficult to get out, “At being friends with someone I’m also pretending to date.

“I mean, with the rest of the guys Starcourt set me up with, I only had to tolerate them for a few weeks, at most. With us, well who knows right? Plus, I actually like you,” you wince at this uncharacteristic display of vulnerability from yourself, “I like all of you and I don’t want to ruffle any feathers or cross any boundaries and hurt anyone’s feelings.”

He chuckles at this, “Trust me, you won’t hurt my feelings by spending time with me.”

You shake your head, “It’s not you I’m worried about, Steve. There are other people.”

Steve’s brow furrows in confusion, “I’m not following.”

You are not sure what to say, now. You don’t want to call Steve and Robin out, it’s clear that they’ve been trying to keep what they have going on a secret, and you don’t want to call attention to that. You’re also afraid that if you mention him and Robin, you’ll eventually have to explain how when you see them together, your chest gets painfully tight. Pivot, you demand of yourself.

“What I mean to say is, it’s easier for me to keep everything professional when I have a little more space because I’m not really used to this friend thing. I’m sorry if I made you feel like I didn’t like you or the band. I like you all a lot, actually and I guess I’m just worried about messing that up.”

You can feel yourself retract into yourself the more you speak and by the end, your knees are tucked under your chin. You can’t bring yourself to meet Steve’s gaze.

He doesn’t respond right away, but you feel the warmth of his palm spread over the expanse of your back.

“Listen, I think… if this is gonna work, we have to be on each other’s team and part of that is talking to one another, right?  And letting each other know when we're having a hard time. I want to be on your team, will you let me?” His voice swells as he asks, and you are so aware of his warmth next to you.

“Yeah,” you nod, finally meeting his eyes, “ I want to be on your team too if you’ll let me?”

He nods enthusiastically, smiling so brightly you question if the sun has ever been as bright.

“Great, now can we please practice some of these questions?” You demand, playfully. 

“Or, or, and hear me out, we could go get burgers," he offers back.

You end up doing both.

***

November 13, 1983, Sunset Studios, Los Angeles, California

Call time for Wake Up, USA! was insanely early and you don’t think you’ve ever seen an angrier Hopper than one that has to be dealing with Eddie Munson at 5 AM. Eddie is decidedly, not a morning person.

“Well, aren’t you a ray of sunshine today?” You deadpan to the disgruntled guitarist from your makeup chair next to his. You were not fairing much better: not only were you running on little sleep, but you were also wound tightly with nerves about your first live interview as a band and as a couple.

“Can it, Your Majesty, or we might have a case of regicide on our hands,” he warns with no real heat behind his words.

“Isn’t it a bit too early to be throwing big words like that around, Munson?” Steve asks, from his spot on your other side.

“Don’t even know what that means,” he mutters, mostly to you.

“It means the murder of a king or queen,” you respond automatically.

“Doesn’t have to be just one, either. You could always kill more than one monarch at a time,” Eddie raises his eyebrows at Steve as he says this, making his implications very obvious.

“Wow, look at us,” Steve exclaims, grinning, “already making veiled threats at each other. We’ve finally made it, honey.”

He says this last part exclusively to you punctuating it by reaching for your hand and giving it a squeeze and you laugh.

The lightness of the exchange distracts you from your nerves for a moment. And from the way Eddie’s eyes linger on your hand interlaced with Steve’s.

Your brief reprieve is interrupted by the soft thud of a heavy object landing in your lap.

“What’s this?” You hold up a beat-up paperback to the culprit.

Eddie shrugs, “The Two Towers, Dustin finally got it back to me, took his sweet time too, that little asshole.”

You nod. He had lent you the first Lord of the Rings book weeks ago, while you were still in rehearsal after you had shown up bookless one day and you had devoured the book. You had been needling him for the second one since, but he had lent it to the audio engineer’s son, a kid named Dustin who idolized him and Steve in equal measure.

“Thanks,” you say, surprise coloring your voice, thumbing through the pages, eyes hungrily scanning the pages.

***

EDDIE:  I dunno, she seemed nervous.  I thought if she had something to distract her, it might’ve helped.

***

You get through the first chapter of your new book before they pull you into wardrobe.

They outfit you in a light blue dress, with exaggerated sleeves and a belt around your middle to compliment Steve’s dark blue blazer and stripped t-shirt combo.

 You feel your nerves mounting as you are helped into your heels and given your mic pack. Suddenly, everything that is riding on this is suffocating you from all ends—a visceral crushing pain that you can’t shake.

Steve appears at your side and the band had been escorted onto the soundstage your hand has been tightly wrapped around his like a vice the entire time.

“Can you, uh, loosen your grip a bit, please,” Steve asks, finally.

“Right, sorry,” you say, letting go of his hand completely and instead focusing your nervous energy on straightening his lapels.

After the third time you’ve readjusted his collar, Steve grabs both of your hands in his, and pulls you close, giving you no choice but to focus on his face.

“Hey,” he says in a hushed tone, just for you, “you don’t need to worry, okay? We’ve got this. I’m on your team, remember?”

You swallow thickly, and nod, before adding, “And I’m on yours, Harrington.”

“That’s my girl,” he says sealing the exchange with a kiss on the cheek.

***

JONATHAN: That first interview, on Wake Up, USA! was what really sold them. I mean, they couldn’t keep their eyes off of each other the entire time.

And then, when one of the hosts asked them how they met, Steve told this story about seeing her for the first time from across the restaurant during our first lunch together and how he was sure he had made a total fool of himself because he was so nervous to be around someone so beautiful, of course, Steve Harrington would say something like that. The audience swooned. Hell, I swooned a little bit.

And then they asked her about all the guys from her past, which was totally fucked up by the way, but she handled it great. She said she was grateful for all the mistakes she had made in the past because they had led her to The Downsides and to Steve.

Between that interview and our live performance, the audience was hooked. 

***

“Good job, you two,” Hopper says gruffly, patting you and Steve on the shoulder as you're ushered off stage after your performance.

“Thanks,” you squeak out, all the tension slowly deflating from your body after hearing Hopper’s approval.

It was done, your first live appearance complete, and it hadn’t been a total train wreck.

Actually, thinking back, it had been pretty good. There was a good variety of questions; everyone had gotten to speak; and when it came to you and Steve, well, it seemed believable at least. And the band managed to preform the new single without a hitch, all of the kinks that had plagued you during the last few weeks of rehearsals ironed out. 

Maybe you could pull this off after all.

***

By the time the band had wrapped up the week-long press junket, you were exhausted.

What had taken more of a toll than the hours of sitting in makeup chairs, too-tight shoes and repetitive questions was having to pretend with Steve.

You realize now that your problem was never the risk of not being convincing enough, but instead of being too convincing.

You had spent the entire week so physically attached to Steve, that it was beginning to feel like you were one single being. Like he was an appendage you couldn’t move without.

And every kiss on the cheek, every look, every squeeze of your hand, felt like a jumpstart to your heart.

Then there were actual interview parts. Steve was good with the press. He would draw audiences and hosts alike, in as easy as if he was winding up a thread. There was never a question that would catch him off guard and he always came off boyish and genuine in his responses. Like the time he was asked what his favorite thing about you was and he told the story of you showing up at the recording studio with cookies and having the guts to change Eddie’s lyrics in the same afternoon.

You knew better than to ask if he meant it. 

The next day, Hopper called to let you know that your album was breaking all sorts of records, and the label was incredibly pleased. So much so that they were thinking of increasing the tour dates and they were even starting to plan for future projects—projects that they wanted you to write.

The news didn’t make you feel light with joy like you had once hoped it would, instead, it made you feel heavy like a sinking stone.

A few weeks later, when the band went their separate ways for the Christmas break, you all knew something big was coming, you just had no way of knowing what.

***

JONATHAN: Right after New Year, Hopper pulls the band into a meeting in his office. First thing he told us was that they were announcing a tour with twice as many dates as they had originally planned for, demand was that high. Then he said, “From this point on, everything is going to move really quickly, there’s no getting off the ride now.”

NEXT CHAPTER 🥁

Taglist: @rexorangecouny , @persophonekarter

[blue-rose-soul]

Ooo love the devil’s bastard au

In one of your precious posts you mentioned Charlie and Nicaise meeting in heaven and getting to bond. How do you think a meeting like that would go?

They wouldn't know who the other was at first. It's an act of fate (me) that brings them together. I've seen a few different people say that the winners in Heaven don't remember their lives on Earth, but I haven't heard this until recently, and even if Vivienne did say it, I'm hesitant to take Word of God as the absolute truth until it's actually shown in the show proper. Things change in the writing process, you know?

That said, I like the idea so I'm going with it.

As a winner, Nicaise also has some deer-like traits. Her heavenly outfit is all creams and golds, she's got soft doe ears and white speckles across her cheeks, shoulders and arms, as well as a pair of cream-colored wings. Even with the deer traits though, Charlie doesn't make the immediate connection. She's a dark-skinned Creole woman who speaks with a distinct accent from Alastor's, so there's a bit of a disconnect in Charlie's mind.

They probably run into one another while Emily is showing Charlie around, perhaps at the zoo. The winners haven't been informed that they're hosting a guest from Hell because the heavenborn angels don't want to cause a panic or anything, but it becomes clear within a few minutes of conversation that Charlie's different from everyone else in Heaven. How amazed she is by the simplest things. Her sheer awe at the koala. The smell of brimstone that clings to her.

Now, Nicaise knows there's something... off about Heaven. She's known it since she first arrived and she felt like something important had been stolen from her. She just can't put together what that something was. Over the decades, the heavenborn angels have tried to placate her, reassuring that there is nothing missing from her life and that Heaven has everything she'll ever want or need. She calls bullshit. But, realizing she's not going to get anywhere butting heads, she opts to go the more subtle route, seeking out like minded winners and bringing them together. Together, she and her allies have been trying to figure out what the heavenborn are keeping from them, what they lost, but they've hit a lot of walls. Sera is too difficult to approach, and not easy to trick, Emily is just as in the dark as they are, and Adam... Well, Nicaise knows how to deal with repulsive men. But Sera realized pretty quickly what Nicaise was doing and forbid Adam from speaking to her or her cohorts, so that line of investigation was cut short.

Needless to say, Nicaise is thrilled to meet people from outside of Heaven.

She probes Charlie for information and Charlie is plenty happy to talk to someone from Heaven who doesn't seem politely disgusted by her lineage. (Something about Charlie's description of her father strikes a chord in Nicaise. She can't quite solidify the thought.) Emily is surprisingly open to the topic of conversation as well; Sera's never told her any of these things!

Nicaise knows that she must have had a life and a family back on Earth, but it's not until Charlie starts talking about souls passing to Heaven or Hell that she really understands what this means. For just a moment, the veil lifts from her memories. And then they're gone again, like a dream. Charlie, on the other hand, is more than a little peeved that Heaven is actually preventing winners from remembering their own lives. Yes, some of the memories may be painful, but these are their lives! The souls have a right to them, regardless of how painful they were! It's her first hint that Heaven might not be as idyllic as it seems.

Unfortunately, Charlie's meeting with Heaven's higher ups means they don't have as much time together as they would like, nor will they have any way to contact one another once Charlie returns to Hell. But she's left a lasting impact on Nicaise and has an ally in her and Emily both. Emily tells Nicaise everything that happened in the meeting, including the revelation of the exterminations. Nicaise passes this on to her group, who pass it on to more people who pass it on to even more people.

Soon winners all over Heaven are questioning and Sera is panicking. Things get worse for her when Sir Pentious shows up in her office. If she's going to maintain order over Heaven, she needs to find the people responsible for spreading disorder, and get rid of them. Fast.

[ananke-xiii]

My ranking of SPN seasons (based only on their PLOT) pt. 3

In my previous posts (here and here) I've covered the following:

15: Season 14

14: Season 15

13: Season 7

12: Season 3

11: Season 6

10: Season 13

9: Season 12

8: Season 1

7: Season 10

Let's continue!

6. Season 9: The plot for this season runs on parallel tracks: on one hand we have the consequences of the spell that Metatron cast at the end of season 8 (ie: angels have fallen, chaos ensues); on the other hand, we have the heroes' quest, finding and killing Abbadon. These 2 parallel plots find their meeting point in the Mark of Cain: frustrated because he's unable to kill Abbadon AND because of his serious fallout with Sam, Dean gives in and accepts the curse. His choice will have immense consequences on the heaven-related plot: it will be revealed that Castiel, who was working to settle things out in heaven, will give up everything to save Dean. Plot-wise, this was a good season. Once again, I felt that the death of a secondary character (Kevin Tran, RIP my poor baby boy), was done for emotional sake and to aggravate the heroes' fallout. It felt unnecessary, cruel and, frankly, not well thought-out (but the writers have already made the same mistake with Bobby and will make it again with Charlie SO at this point I think that they know what they are doing, I simply don't agree with their writing choices). All in all, the season was quite good, it did its job. Can't complain.

5. Season 2: This season expands on the season 1 plot, so basically we are still dealing with the heroes' personal vendetta against the Yellow Eyes demon who killed their mother. However, this time we are presented with more allies and enemies, the Winchesters' backstory gets more complicated and we start to guess that there's more at stake for the two brothers. It's not just payback anymore: the plot starts to thicken and we glimpes that higher powers were pulling the strings all along. Mary Winchester's death was destined. It's a strong season that starts with John's death and almost ends with Sam's death but not quite: the last episode is able to keep us interested for what's to come as we find out that Dean has made a demon deal to save his brother. I didn't like some "minutiae", like the whole thing about other humans being infected with demon blood at 6 months old as a "back-up" plan in case Sam was not the One. Sorry but when Destiny enters the chat you either go all-in or not, there are no back-up plans. Also, it turns out that Sam is not exactly The One since he gets killed by the other guy whose name I forgot. Soooo, you know... this doesn't sound solid, you can tell that the whole thing is there to 1) fill in episodes; 2) give writers some space in case things don't go as planned. I don't know, I was kinda bummed about it, yeah.

4. Season 5: This might sound controversial but... I didn't exactly like season 5's ending. I know that, according to the majority of articles I've read, this is considered THE perfect SPN season but.. you know, it doesn't cut it for me. The plot is very good, though, so here's why it's still high on my own personal ranking. Once we've established that Sam and Dean are the destiny's children (LOL) and that their own existence was predestined, we are now left with the big IF. A sort of "will-they-won't-they". Will Dean say YES to Michael and become his vessel? Will Sam say YES to Lucifer? I like it, this is good and the plot is well-developed throughout the whole 20+ episodes. BUT, here's the BIG but. I hated, HATED, the "Adam becomes Michael's vessel so that Dean can safely say no and the plot can still go as planned" expedient. I truly hate this kind of things with a passion. First thing first, I detest writers when they introduce "disposable" characters such as Adam (and many others in the show, tbh). This is my own personal pet peeve so I can understand why other people are not as bothered by this as I am. Aside from that, as I've said before, once you introduce DESTINY in the plot you cannot have back-up plans. If you do, the whole concept is weakened and, as a refult, the plot feels cheap. We had established that Dean and Dean only could be Michael's vessel. However, SURPRISE! Adam, being his half-brother, can be a vessel, too! Yu-hoo, Apocalipse can still happen even if Dean says NO! Ma'am, please. No. It's also very sexist since it implies the father's blood is the predominant factor in this whole charade (Adam is John's Winchester third ((maybe, who really knows at this point??) son). This is a big NO for me. Since it's an intrinsic part of the plot I can't walk away from this.

[howtowhumpyourhiccup]

Ah 1k word snippet from a 21k fic that I've been fixating on for the past four days now that I'm calling 'The Trapper's Trap'. It's a fic that takes place in a Modern AU and it's kind of a Dagcup.

Right now, this monstrosity is still a one-shot and far from done, but I'll be splitting it up in chapters before I post it. It's going to deal with some heavy stuff. ;)

Warnings: threats of suicide, implied sexual coercion (nothing too nsft in this snippet, though), no editing

-XOXOX-

“Please baby please”

“Please just give me another chance!”

“Can we at least talk?”

“Please”

“Please Baby i don’t know what i’m gonna do to myself when you’re gone”

“i need you to come stop me”

Hiccup reads that last text over and over again. These six are the latest in a long string of messages his ex-boyfriend has been sending him ever since he broke things off with him, but it’s those last ones that have him worried.

Dagur has never been the most… stable of people. So when he pleads with him, tells him that he’s going to hurt himself then, well, Hiccup worries.

He stands at the doorstep of his apartment; a three floor building made mostly out of brick and standing in the busiest part of town. It’s about a half hour walk from his own home.

With a nervous heart, Hiccup climbs the two stone steps and finds the intercom. Pressing on Dagur’s apartment- there are two on each floor- he awaits an answer. His arms are crossed, then they’re not. He sways from one foot to the other. Every passing second is torturous.

“Come on, Dagur, come on,” he grows more anxious. Please, don’t tell him he has actually hurt himself?

Finally; a response.

“Hello?” That greeting comes with a strong tone of melancholy, but Hiccup could jump for joy. He’s still okay.

“Dagur, it’s me. I’m… I’m here to talk,” he tells him. When he had shown the messages to Heather, she told him they were lies and he shouldn’t fall for them. He should simply ignore them. Ignore them like she’s been trying to ignore the fact that they both live on the same cramped island.

The buzzer signaling that the door is open sounds and Hiccup enters.

A quick jog up several flights of stairs later- which is, of course, not at all a problem with a prosthetic leg- he’s inside of Dagur’s apartment and sitting on his leather couch.

He’s come here several times in the course of their relationship that barely lasted half a year. He has slept over once or twice, but he can never get used to that smell of cigarettes.

Neither of his parents smoke, Gobber probably has at some point in time. Then he lost two limbs close to on another and circumstances forced him to quit. And yet, he still smells of the damn things to this day.

Just like Dagur’s apartment smells.

Years around dragons and somehow it’s the stench of cigarettes that gets to him.

Hiccup is pulled out of his thoughts when his ex returns and places a can of soda down in front of him on the coffee table, a glass next to it. It’s one of Dagur’s pet peeves that the other always insists on wasting a glass when a can should do. Today, however, he’s not complaining.

The couch groan and squeaks as he sits down. The displacement of air almost knocks Hiccup right off the couch. Tall as he is, he still barely weighs anything.

“You wanted to talk?” Dagur’s words are hopeful, which just pulls on Hiccup’s heartstrings. He doesn’t wish to give him false hope.

“I just…” He starts hesitantly, arms crossing and then uncrossing. He scoots closer to the edge of his seat and pours himself a glass.

He came all this way, but he can’t stop thinking of Heather’s warning. That this is all just a ploy, that his messages really were all a lie. That he was never in any danger.

But what does it matter? How can he possibly get such pleas for help and ignore them?

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” he tells Dagur after a sip and a smile spreads on his latter’s lips.

“You always were so caring,” he claims. “So pure, so innocent. Your heart way too big and good for this world.”

His words make Hiccup uncomfortable, but that is nothing new. He watches him with one raised eyebrow while taking another sip.

Just as Hiccup had promised when he called for Dagur through the intercom, they talk. They talk about the happy times they had, the younger man nodding along as he listened. He could point to each memory and say the fights they had before each one, but he chooses not to. If Dagur’s mental state truly is as fragile as he claims, he would rather not give him any reason to follow through.

They talk about the things they have in common, like the games they like the play or the movies they like to watch. Or Dagur lists them and Hiccup doesn’t tell him that these are his interests and Hiccup was just following along. Dagur has no one else in his life. Both his parents are dead, he has no friends, his sister wants nothing to do with him. He has no one to share his interests with and that’s why Hiccup decided to give him someone to share them with.

They talk about the hot love they made. Their first together, Hiccup’s first overall. He introduced him to a lot of firsts. And at least in that regard, he can’t argue with him. The sex was great.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Huh?” Hiccup stares at him in shock. Holding his glass, there is only a little bit of soda on the bottom left. The can itself is empty.

“Can I kiss you? Just… Just this one last time?” Dagur’s request seems genuine, there’s pain in his eyes.

“For… what?” he asks, confused. Technically, they had their last kiss. Why would he want another?

“Because, I had no idea that our last kiss would be our last, so… I can’t remember it.”

“Well, gee, thank you for that,” is what Hiccup finds himself thinking, but he doesn’t say it. He simply finishes his drink.

“I want to remember it, Hiccup,” Dagur continues on with a well-placed speech and his sad little voice. “I don’t think I can move on without it.”

There are no lies in his eyes or in his words, he seems genuine to Hiccup. And it’s because he seems so genuine that it makes it hard to ignore his request. Could a kiss really fix everything? If he gives him this one last thing, will he be okay? Will he finally leave him alone?

“Just one?” Hiccup asks to make sure he heard right.

“Just one final kiss,” Dagur scoots closer to him, their knees touching, an arm wrapping itself around his shoulder on the back of the couch.

Hiccup looks away in thought, but he’s already making his move. He comes forward, his lips press against his and catches him off guard. Hiccup doesn’t know what else to do but to return the kiss. His moan of surprise is mistaken as one of desire and Dagur sits even closer. His arm has a firm grip on him now, his free hand finds his stomach, where it rests before he takes his waist.

The kiss becomes deeper, Hiccup’s hands still don’t know what to do. He can feel his ex’s tongue asking for permission on his bottom lip and he gives it to him. Despite his rotten personality, he’s an excellent kisser. There’s such passion in his every move.

Before he knows it, this make-out session as Hiccup on his back with Dagur on top. Nestled between his thighs, he’s grinding into him, working up an appetite in both of them.

Gasping for air, Hiccup looks the other way.

“Just this once?”

“Just one last time.”

“You’re wearing a condom,” there’s no room for argument in Hiccup’s demand. Either he wears it or there will be no last time.

“Of course, wouldn’t dream of not wearing one,” Dagur vows to him and then leaves to grab one from his special stash in the bedroom.

[mrs-monaghan]

Shaz,

We have guidlines, right?

Don't show up at their private homes or their gyms/business appointments. (You remember how JK was upset with Army showing up at his gym after going Live with Tommy and asked us NOT to do that)

Don't harass their family members.

DO NOT STALK them and send them gifts (or food which JK asked us not to do. He won't eat it and he will report it).

Don't call their private phones (which scared JK in Las Vegas).

DO NOT share Private photos.

JK recently said he wanted to go to Busan and have a quiet few days with friends but SOMEONE posted it and he was disappointed. He flat out told us Live.

He and Jimin and their staff asked the Boat Captain NOT to film. Real Army found the captain and made a complaint against him to the company. Fake Army reposted the photos.

Shaz. Saying that you are posting the photos to PROVE something [which ended up being wrong] is not it.

Using the excuse of the photos are already all over the internet so who cares is also not it.

I follow all the big JIKOOK accounts on Twitter and not 1, not Nuri or BusanBaes or FactKM etc. NONE of them posted those photos.

Because real Army protects JK.

We all already knew he smoked. We saw the vape. We knew. We don't care.

Army Love JK just as he is.

"I'm Human." He said that to us and if you were not devastated by that moment are you even Army?

Sometimes the right thing to do is to not post and let JK just exist.

a) Idk why you're listing big Jkkrs to me. I am my own person and will do whatever tf I want. Thank u

b) People are not posting about this coz they don't care. Its not a big deal. There are better things to talk about that don't involve an idol's scandal and that's their perogative.

c) That area JK was as I'm sure you know by now is usually littered with paparazzi. You can choose to be naive if you want, but he wanted to be seen. And thats a fact.

d) You may not know this about me but my biggest pet peeve on social media is when other people tell others what to do. Try to control what they share on their blogs. Trying to control what they say and do. So I will say this once and one time only.

Anon, let this be the last and final time you ever, ever try to tell me what to do. Ever. So fuck off, yeah? And leave me alone. Thanks. You don't like my shit; The block button only takes a second. So, once again because u came in peace, I politely ask you to fuck off.

[mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune]

I Wish Those Who Are Anti-Nonbinary Would Please Shut The Heck Up...Because They Are Offending This Enbirl...

[Note: This Might Talk A Little Bit Of Religious Talk, So If You Don’t Want To Read Those Parts, Feel Free To Skip....Also Reading This Is Optional, It’s just some jerk had really peeved me off when I saw their video....

also it’s okay if some ignore this post, this is....I just really needed to get some feelings out, and it’s okay that some ignore this post...and maybe wait until I post maybe a theory post about either a video game or show or movie or book series.

also, Don’t Reblog This Without Permission]    

of course even after finding out about a certain man who is obviously Anti-LGBTQ, I of course have to end up finding out about a video that once again, talks about “woke”....you know what would be so “woke” if people like that, would shut the heck up....

if anyone is “indoctrinating” it’s dirty shisno like that disgusting inhuman filth of a man who I had found out about who I’m still not going to say the name of, and is a different person from the one who was talking in a video that got me really REALLY mad..........

but yeah, the video that got me really mad, has to do with someone talking about how the new transformers movie is and about earthspark is.

I just can’t stand that person who made that video, plus it should be a child’s choice and own discovery if they are nonbinary or not, and no one on either side should decide that for them, and not be told they shouldn’t be if that is how they feel on the inside, and so stop using “woke” in a toxic way, cause that is what some humans are doing...

and FYI, there can be some cases when even assigned gendering can be misgendering, because there are different types of Intersex.

I’m not really 100% sure if I’m Intersex or not, but I have my reasons as to suspect I might be, but right now I’m not sure anymore.

I mean I know that biologically, I’m female....but one of the reasons why I suspect that I might be intersex, was because one time, I had a really dangerous time of the month, and well that is only half the reason I suspect it.

plus something I had read about one of the types of Intersex, made me wonder if I might be that type I had read about, but right now I’m not really sure.

I mean it would be nice if there was a home blood test that can tell you if your Intersex or not, and I don’t think I can talk to my family about it.

I mean it’s good that they have the home blood test that tells you what blood type you are, and once again I’m still procrastinating in the whole checking to see if my blood type comes out O RH D Negative for a third time...

I will try to get around to it when I am able to.

another thing I can’t tell my family, besides suspecting that I might be Intersex, but I’m still not 100% sure if that is true or not....

is that one, I can’t tell them I am Aroaceflux, I know I’m Fictoromantic as well.

I know that I didn’t start out as Aromantic or Aromantic flux, at least I don’t think I have....

I know I had bad luck with online boyfriends, and I have no interest in trying to get another boyfriend, because it’s like even if you do get lucky to talk about some of your feelings to them, and they will listen.

but unlucky for you if you end up talking about your feelings to them, and they end up ignoring it, I mean ya could just say ya don’t want to listen to it right now...

I mean whats the point of falling love if your just going to end up falling for the wrong person who either wont try to listen to you when you feel a little or a lot down...

oh and if it isn’t that, some are bit too h*rny and might not understand you might not be in the mood or don’t want to be touched right now.

and of course some humans put the whole needing to “do it” as something that is more important, well excuse me if my Ace is more dominate at the moment...

do not touch, do not pass go, do not collect 200 hearts.

this heart is on the lockdown, so baby, I got my love lockdown. XP

of course that has nothing to do with Lockdown from Transformers Animated...

but I guess I did kind of reference the song “Love Lockdown” by Kanye West.

of course the whole “love lockdown” isn’t 100% how the lyrics go...

it’s “your love locked down”, wonder what would be like if Lockdown from TFA heard that song...?

of course certain two men are not the only ones that really peeved me off with their toxic stupidity, that have of course crossed the line...

even a third man has peeved me off...

guess that makes those men, this Earth Angel Princess’s enemies.

[feel free to skip the part where it goes back to talking about the jerks who seem to have a problem with nonbinary....it will be in bold.]  

yeah “Earth Angel Princess” isn’t a official thing, but with the whole weird thought pop into my head, because of the whole one, finding out I’m a Defective Earth Angel, who once again doesn’t work 100% correctly like other Earth Angels....and two, I had found out about the whole being a descendant of a few royal families, and that I’m a descendant of King David, as well as King Solomon and Rehoboam.

which once again, not a curse, cause to me it is a blessing, cause I ain’t touching that throne. 

another reason I know I can’t, is because of the whole Cain being my ancestor as well, so that might be a blessing in disguise, but I’m also a descendant of Seth as well...

and yeah, I do have trust issues now that has to do with Masculine Angels, both Fallen and Non-Fallen....and I can’t help but think I might only be able to trust some Masculine Angels.

I don’t trust the three angels that were suppose to get Lilith to return to Adam.

some info says that they shouldn’t force her to return against her will, while another info says to force her if she isn’t willing to go back to him.

and trying to force her to return to Adam, against her will and even the possibility of threat, isn’t right.

Lilith could of gotten emotionally and spiritually better, but the harassment wasn’t helping, perhaps they could of worked things out and talked about their feelings, but with how immature Adam was during his youth, it is unlikely he would of listen or understood what was wrong with their relationship.

if it is true that Adam did mature during his marriage with Eve, that is good.

but it still doesn’t excuse him for how he treated Lilith, he is half the reason she fell, and in theory, I still it might be possible she was a Earth Angel.

and it could be possible that she might of had a childhood before she became Adam’s wife, and she was that girl called “Onya” in a book I have that talks about “Confessions Of A Rebel Angel” by Timothy Wyllie.

another theory I have, is that she might have some form of amnesia.

that she had forgot the bond she had formed with some really big birds, I think they were called fonders or founders...?

not everyone has to agree with me on that theory, but it could still be possible.

just try to respect my different point of view, and why I don’t really trust all Masculine Angels now....even if I might able to trust a few, but that doesn’t mean I will trust all of them....

to put it in another way, I can say that I don’t trust all “Male Angels”....

I know that there are some guys that can be trusted in this world, and same can be said for some gals, but I just hope some can understand why I don’t feel like I can fully trust Masculine Angels anymore.

even if there can be a few I can trust, who would be the acceptation.

I might not agree with what Cain had did to his brother, but I believe now that both brothers were in the wrong.

and if it is true that Adam did try to stop Abel from the kind of offering and sacrifice he was doing, then that might of one of the times that Adam had tried to do something good and had matured.

because once again, his time being married to Lilith, he was very immature...

but even if Adam did try to reason with Abel, it might be true that Abel didn’t want to listen and he believed he was doing a good thing and pleasing the Heavenly Father, but really he wasn’t....

it also doesn’t help that Cain was going through a very bad depression, while it might be true he could of been jealous, but there is more to it than just that.

I can’t help but want to give Cain a hug now, but if he doesn’t want a hug from me, that I can understand....

but besides the fact I think he needs a hug, I think he might need therapy as well....

and Abel’s Toxic-Positivity and Ego, was perhaps half the reason it was becoming worse, and even if no one has to agree with me on this...

but it is still possible.

what Cain did to Abel was still wrong, but it isn’t just him who is at fault.

plus there is still a possibly, that Abel might of ended up doing far worse in the future, with his offerings.

and that thought had just came to me this year, even if there could be a good chance it might not happen, like the possibility that he could of tried to, but is stop in time by either Cain or his father, Adam....

Abel isn’t fully innocent himself, and it’s high time we admit to that because of the facts, yes he was good in a way, but I believe now he was in the gray.

some people can have their own dark side, either in a small way or a very bad way...and yes, that would mean Abel as well.

both Cain and Abel aren’t truly innocent, they both have did wrong in their life.

and if Abel so much as tried to use any of my fluffy babies in his “offerings”...

I would probably of punched him in his face....or punched him in the groin.

even if I never done that before, and once again, the first guy I had thoughts of wanting to punch in the groin, was Mammon...

and that was because of the price on the coca-cola was raised, but it is back to normal I think.....and well because the price was raised before.

I had the thoughts of wanting to punch Mammon in the groin....

even if I know it’s impossible....and even if I know I wont be able to...

I should make a list on some jerky guys who I wish I could groin punch...

I can think of three guys so far I want to groin punch, and of course the fourth being Mammon...

don’t care if he is the embodiment of greed, his butt his mine....>:(

but not in the same way Moxxie’s Butt is Millie’s....

that was one of the best scenes in that Helluva Boss episode, lol XD  

of course the show is for a mature audience only, as in 18+....

at least I know that it isn’t a man on Tv’s fault that I said the son of a b**** word when I was just a baby.......I think it was close to being a toddler.

yeah, surprisingly I did say that word when I was a baby.

but when that happens, parents shouldn’t scapegoat the show or movie that has a character who say that, because it’s the parents responsibility, not the ones who made a movie or show that is for a mature audience only, and the parents or guardians should be watching the child and making sure they don’t hear or see something they shouldn’t until they are the proper age.

and yeah, I had figured out there were some things I was early exposed to, but lucky not the really heavy stuff....

was because of my family, who of course should of told me “No” you can’t see that until your maybe 15 or 16 years old...

I like the Cool World Movie, I mean I do have the DVD now, and I can watch it once in a while.

but I had figured out that I shouldn’t of watched it back when we had first rented at this old video place.

because I wasn’t the proper age for it, and I can’t remember much during that time, but I guess maybe my eyes were covered in some parts....?

I’m not sure....but I know that it isn’t the movie’s fault.

parents should try to not scapegoat, or say “they are trying to corrupt our children” or keep using the whole “woke” word in a toxic way.

there are some shows, movies, video games and books that will be for everyone, and some that wont be for everyone, and will only be for a mature audience, and it will NOT BE FOR KIDS.

plus you can’t force a child to think what you think...

the choice of if they are nonbinary or not (and by the way it isn’t really a choice that you just decide, but it’s a feeling and well toxic-humans should stop saying it is trying to be forced, when the choice of it isn’t really just you decide, but the feeling that is deep inside your very core of your being...I’m not sure if many will truly get what I’m saying...I don’t want my words to be misinterpreted), or if they end up being heteroromantic in the future, that is something that they would have to figure out themselves, and both sides can’t try to make them choose.

even some parents have more sense than that.

I mean if you have two Dads, but you might be Heteroromantic & Ace, you might need a little encouragement to come out to them about it.

and even if you have two Moms, but you might be Aroace, but also need some encouragement to come out to them, because you had heard about how some people on both sides feel about Aroace....and none of it was very positive.

or if you have a Mom and Dad, and you don’t know how to come out of the closet, like either it be if your bi, pan or queer.

or maybe even ace or aroace or aroaceflux.

not everyone can come out of the different closets we put our self in.

I am in different closets, I’m in the Aroaceflux Closet, The New Religious Belief Closet and the Nonbinary Closet....and that is with my family.

like I said before, I wanted to tell my Mom about me being Asexual Flux.

but I had to change my mind and act like the talk wasn’t about me, and once I got back to my room, I ended up crying in heart break...

I wanted to get the thoughts of my family first, before I came out as Aceflux.

but after getting their thoughts, which seems just like some of the straight and some of the LGBT who seem to think some Aces are all straight or all gay...

(an it being that some percent of those in LGBT who think all Aces are all straight, while there is some percent of straight people who think all Aces are gay, and some people but not all of them from both sides, have a problem with Aces........at least not all of them have a problem with Aces and don’t misinterpret...like assuming their romantic identity for one.)    

I had decided it was best not to come out to my family about being Aceflux.

I can’t even tell them that I had figured out that I had been picking up s*xual and lustful energy, and I think my wearing my gem bracelets has helped with that.

it’s like, for some reason, out of the blue, you start to feel “in heat”...

and I don’t think many have had that kind of problem, no matter what their sexuality or asexuality is.....so far I’m the only one who is both Aroaceflux and had figured out that I am that kind of empath, or was that type of empath...

is it possible to build up a immunity to it once you get the right gems to protect you from it, but might still need to be careful of that type of energy...?

and yes I still have my V-Card, and I still think some people get some things wrong about that kind of empath ability, that you have to “do it” in order for it to happen....

but you can be in a different room and still pick it up, and not know it.

that is until you figure out that half the time you were feeling that way, it was because you were picking up that energy that was flying around the house and was coming from someone....

and one of the other worse things, is that you can get misdiagnosed by doctors, who don’t know the type of seizure you really have.                

I still believe that the doctors who first gave me some medicine for my seizures, might of had misdiagnosed me, even if some might think that isn’t true.

but I believe it could be true, because I believe that my seizures was because of energies, from both people and a place.

I think it could be possible at first, you might not be able to fight back those outside energies, especially when your a baby...

my first seizure happen when I was a baby, I think I was told I was almost a year old during that time.

plus besides the whole place having some bad stuff in it, that could of been the cause of half of my seizures.

if the energy of a person is what had caused them half the time, then there might be a reason....

even if you are in a very big room with a lot of people in it, it is possible that even that can be dangerous if you let your guard down, at least letting it down without knowing about it.

because all of that energy that flies around the room, will end up being absorbed into your body, just like any of the other times that has happen.

and your body will go through a energy overload and it will come out as a seizure.

not all seizures are like that, there will be some that aren’t energy based.

and there can become some seizures that will need those pill medicines.

but some doctors might not understand that not all seizures can be helped with that kind of medicine, and it might only end up making the person’s body become addicted, and if you try to get them off of it, they are likely to go through withdrawal.

but that might could happen even if you are truly meant to take the medicine.

I think I should take a piece of paper, and write down the names of the men that I wish I could groin punch, because of their stereotyping, their crossing the line and even their problem with nonbinary.

okay I have decided, I am going to do that....

even if it might not be possible, one can only dream.

I think because Mammon The Embodiment of Greed, was the first guy I ever had thoughts about punching in the groin, he will be at the top of the list...

of course him being on tat list, will be different than the other three.

but the list might grow from just being the four of them.

also even if one of the tags for this, is “humans suck” I should point out, it is only the Toxic-Humans I find to be that way.....so yeah, only toxic-humans suck.

once again, I know it wouldn’t be possible and I know I might not bring myself to physically do it....but I can still make the list that has the names of the jerks that I wish I could groin punch.

and Mammon will still be at the top of the list....but for different reasons from the other three.

I just couldn’t help but feel really mad when I found that video, I mean I was trying to find some more info about the new Transformers Movie, but then I found that video that of course ended up triggering me and ended up making me peeved off, and not in the same way that guy was, but I was peeved at the guy who seem to be one of those people....

and it might be possible some people might give some who are descendants of Cain, a complex....I don’t know, I mean that could be possible.

I already know about certain info about it....

I already know that I was a accident, I mean I know my parents in this life, had me on purpose, but as for....you know, my soul-parents...I know I was there little accident, man I don’t know why but just now I started to cry a little when thinking and talking about that....but it isn’t like it isn’t true.

and yeah as weird as it might sound, I view myself as Cain and Seth’s little accident as well, and I guess I shouldn’t think like that.

but then there is that whole “well Cain is the son of Samael or the Devil”

and how do you think that makes me freaking feel...?

cause ya if it is true, I already know what it means....

no one has to tell me that, and if it is true, and it isn’t just something that some toxic-priests made up, that would possibly mean that I was Archangel Samael’s little accident as well, his little mistake....

don’t know how many Cain Descendants there are, that are a mix of being both his and Seth’s descendants, but maybe not all of them were little accidents.

maybe the reason why I started to cry a little, when talking about it, might because it is true and I know it.

I know that the video that seem to scapegoat and talk some bull, that had got me really peeved, didn’t make me cry, it only made me really mad.

I guess we all have Daddy Issues, but I know that Samael isn’t the boss of me.

and if my ethereal wings color has anything to go by, it would mean that technically Archangel Zadkiel and Archeia Amethystia/Holy Amethyst, would be the boss of me....I mean, if depending the color of ethereal wings your soul is born with, you will be placed with one of the different angels that are in charge of the different color flames or whatever...

I know I can’t see my ethereal wings, all I know is that when I get really mad, they apparently go into flame mode, and when I’m upset or nervous, they hug around me....which apparently is a habit, and for all I know, might of even happen when I was really little, maybe even when I was a baby, of course I’m not sure if it happen when I was a baby...

I think I am feeling a bit better now, so I’m no longer crying....

but for some reason, I did start to cry when letting all that out, you know, saying that I was Cain and Seth’s little accident.

and I know that it is possible, even if I do point out that while I still can believe in Jesus, but don’t think he should cross certain lines....like if certain info I read that has to do with him turns out to be true, and if it is...

it really doesn’t really help my view on Masculine Angels.

and yeah there is that whole if he did cross those lines, and if the Antichrist tries to pull that whole Antichrist shenanigans.

there is those new thoughts that had started to pop into my head, of wanting to grab those two by their ears....even if I know I might not be allowed to do so, and they are just thoughts....and I would probably have to ask permission to do so....

it’s like, you can think it, but you can’t really do it.

and some of the info I had read before that has to do with those two, and how I realized how the masculine energy has been in a toxic way for some time, and I guess it is getting a bit better, but the toxic energy might still be there, and yeah we got the toxic feminine energy to deal with too, but lucky it isn’t as high as the masculine one...

and I guess how some of those three jerks who I’m still going to put on the list of those I wish I could groin punch, but know I really can’t....

might be injected by toxic-masculine energy...

I wouldn’t be surprised if the one who was talking that bull about the new Transformers Movie, is one of those Toxic-Religious people.

it’s good to be religious, but you got to watch out for toxic-religious types.

there are different types of toxic-religious, and some of them being the type that don’t freaking listen to you when you try to tell them that they are hurting your feelings when they keep throwing the whole “may the lord have mercy on you” or “may god have mercy on you”, just because you believe in a Goddess now too, and yeah I had figured out that the toxic-religious jerk that did that to me, was misusing those words, and even if they thought they were “helping”, they were doing more harm than good and were making me feel really bad.

I can only hope I don’t run into them here or any of the other places I go to.

I had to block that person, because they wouldn’t freaking listen to me when I pointed out how their throwing those words at me, were hurting my feelings and making me feel bad.

if someone has to use those words, don’t misuse it and actually listen when someone tells you that you are making them feel bad and cry.

and I don’t see the problem with me believing in both Divine Parents (Heavenly Father & Earthly Mother), but apparently that toxic-religious person is all about the patriarchy...

I think what happen can count as toxic-religious trauma. 

and some people can have different toxic-religious traumas, and some being from bad experiences that come from past lives as well.

and excuse me, but those jerks who seem to have a problem with nonbinary, they are the ones who can’t indoctrinate me....

and I suppose that it is the stupidity of those three men that had really peeved me off, well that and the fact that one of them had crossed a line they shouldn’t of, that is even more stupid and gross than one of them that had pointed out their problem with nonbinary....

after I post this, I’m going to get a piece of paper, and right down the names of those three jerks, that I wish I could groin punch...

I am still not going to say their names, but I’m still gonna put Mammon at the top of the list, but him being on that list for a different reason than those three.

one guy had bad mouthed nonbinary and was talked bull slag, the other seems to have a very dangerous line with his Anti-LGBT ways, and the last one who seems to have a problem with his child being transgender.

so yeah, those three are going on the list, along with Mammon....

even if I know it isn’t possible for me to really punch them in the groin, but it is like a wish I could but I know I can’t type of list.

like I said, it’s like you wish you could and you feel like you want to, but you know you can’t and might not be able to bring yourself to do it...

but then again, I suppose if I got really REALLY super peeved off, and if it were possible....I would so punch Mammon in the groin.

I think it is possible that not many will end up reading this, I mean I did say it is optional and that some parts can be skip.

and I know some of this was a bit off topic, and there was a reason I had to put down that if some want to skip some parts, they should look for the bold letters.

I don’t want to say the names of those three men that had peeved me off.

but they are still going on the list, which once again I will make after I post this.

I will have it say “Those I Wish I Could Punch In The Groin”

and then place their names on the paper....of course Mammon will be at the top of the list....so I’m going to write his name first before writing the other three’s names...

I don’t want to say which video is called that had ended up well, triggering me.

it’s better this way, because of certain reasons.

maybe before I make that list, I can check out a few art on here, and then go watch some RWBY, I was able to watch all the episodes of Volume 9, and I loved it and I hope it comes on DVD and Blu-Ray soon...

it was thanks to my family I was finally about to get Red Vs Blue Season 15, which lucky wasn’t on bid or only sold from Australia.

it would of been nice if I could of got the ones that weren’t on bid over at Australia, but it just wasn’t possible, but at least we were able to get the Season 15 that was being sold somewhere around the U.S.A...

it felt like I was never going to get that season, or I was going to wait a lot longer to get it...

and I’m not going to repeat all that the guy who peeved me off, had said in his video....the best I can do is to just let a little feelings out, and just hope that he and those like him, will not ruin the new transformers movie or earthspark for me or anyone else....because if they try to, I and others are just gonna be peeved.

anyway even if this does talk about other stuff too, even some stuff that did end up making me cry, but once again I am okay now, I do feel better.

it is kind of stupid how some humans on this planet seem to have a problem with those who are nonbinary, I mean there will be a chance that you wont be reborn as the bio-gender you are now, and you are likely to be reborn as the opposite from what you are currently.

I’m going to hope that I never get reborn as a boy....I just wouldn’t feel comfortable, I don’t mind that my body is bio-female, and I still am not sure if I am Intersex or not, and once again, the info on one of the types of intersex, had made me suspect that I might be that, but I’m not 100% sure...

but I rather not be reborn as a boy, cause I don’t think I would be comfortable in that type of body, cause it’s like it wouldn’t be me, it wouldn’t be my true self.

some can be comfortable either way when being reborn, but some might want to be reborn in the same type of body.

I don’t know if many get what I am trying to say and I don’t want my feelings or thoughts or what I’m trying to say be misunderstood.

but it’s like, while I am a Enbirl, I would still feel more comfortable not having a bio-male body, I guess some might understand while some might not get it.

and I have been thinking about praying that if I do end up being reborn again, like some distant future from now, is that I never get reborn as a boy....and only get reborn as biologically a girl, even if I might end up being intersex, which I don’t mind that....but I’m still confused if I might be Intersex in this life.

I wonder if there might be some Cybertronians who are Intersex as well, I mean we know that Nightshade is Nonbinary, and they are a precious enby that needs to be protected.

it might make sense if there could be some Cybertronians that are Intersex, like there could be some stuff in a Mech and Femme that are unique to them.

I’m not sure if there will be Cybertronians who are Intersex in the canon, but there could be in the fanon, but as for the canon, I’m not sure if that would happen or not.

but they ended up having their first canon nonbinary cybertronian, so maybe anything is possible, even the whole possible Ruby Rose x Penny Polendina.

which once again, I believe the other reason Ruby was really upset, might have to do with how she is not able to form a romantic relationship with Penny, who I believe she might of had developed feelings for.

and I started to view the Ruby x Penny ship, as a Nonbinary Ship, I mean, in fan headcanon, Penny could be a Enbirl, and maybe Ruby could be a Enbirl as well.

but it could just be Penny who is a Enbirl, and even if Ruby was a Nonbinary-Girl, she might of not realized it yet.

the Curious Cat, would be the Nonbinary that only goes by They/Them.

while Penny, so far as we know, does go by She/Her pronouns, but that doesn’t make her any less Nonbinary (in my fan headcanon, I see her as a Nonbinary-Girl now...), as there are different types of Nonbinary.

some are Enby, Enboy and Enbirl....

and only some will only use They/Them, while others can use both They/Them and even He/Him or She/Her.

I’m not sure if Enby. Enboy and Enbirl will be even mention in Earthspark.

I wonder if that one guy who really peeved me off with their video, even knows about the different types of nonbinary, well it might be possible he doesn’t.

same goes for others who don’t know about that fact, but still have a problem with nonbinary.

I think I will wait until later to watch RWBY, I think I want to watch Earthspark first.

but before that, I’m going to check out some art on here first, and I will watch Earthspark, and maybe sign back on later and talk about theories about Sonic Prime, I do have a theory about it that I am writing that has to do with Eggman, but I will wait until later either today or maybe tomorrow to post it.

I also hope some understand why I became peeved at some men and one of them had crossed a more dangerous line than the other two.

but just because one of them had crossed a even bigger line than the one who seems to have a problem with their child being transgender and the other having a problem with nonbinary, doesn’t mean they aren’t still going to end up on that “those I wish to punch in the groin” list....

cause all three of them are still going on that list, even if I know it might not be possible to really do that to them, but a person can dream...

anyway it’s fine that not many read this, and I can only hope some understand some of the feelings and thoughts I wrote in this, even if it did get off topic and also talked about other stuff more than the jerk that talked bull slag in that video....which once again I’m not going to say what the name of the video is or the guy either.....cause once again, it’s better that way...

also it’s okay if some ignore the parts that has to do with what had made me cry when writing this post, it might be best to not think or talk about it right now.

anyway besides that guy who has a problem with nonbinary, I’m probably not the only one he ended up peeving off.

I can try not to think about what happen, and maybe I can take my mind off of it. but I am still going to write those three guys (as well as Mammon’s) names on a list....

and I can keep the list in a safe place, and whenever there is another toxic-person who ends up crossing a line that they shouldn’t, I can add them to the list.......then again, come to think of it, I can think of two more men who should be added to that list, but I will think that over....

I’m just going to relax, and check out a few more fan art on here, and then go watch Earthspark and then later RWBY...                                  

[straye]

the salty af munday meme. (reformatted from here!)

☠ What does someone have to do for an instant unfollow from you? untagged / uncut smut roleplay, any display of bigoted or hateful views, guilt-trippy words, vagues, pity fishing. new one bug misgendering me (she/her and they/them are NOT my pronouns: I LITERALLY HAVE MINE LISTED EVERYWHERE), making jokes or fun of my name (newsflash: yin yang jokes are actually racist when i'm asian.) i've developed very low tolerance levels for all of this.

♥ What's the WORST thing that has happened to you rp wise? uhhh that one time a duplicate (who was an adult) stalked and tried to turn an entire community against me when i was sixteen because I wouldn't give in to covert measures at discouraging me from writing this specific character. and then ANOTHER duplicate of that same character tried to do the same thing but she went the extra mile to have her lackeys send anon hate while gaslighting me about it when i confronted her directly.

♦ What was a mildly annoying thing that has happened to you rp wise? Um. There's a conversation to be had about RPers preferences for cis male characters.

♢ Has anyone ever tried to steal your blog? Your headcanons? Icons? All that jazz YES. OH MY GOD. While I block all duplicates on a principle so I can avoid seeing it again, I've had it happened to me way back on the characters I played when I was 16 and it's like. WHY. YOU'RE EVEN FOLLOWING ME AND THE SAME PEOPLE I WRITE WITH TO DO THAT. Don't get me started on when I rped a character that was a popular fc among tumblr rps at the time because I'd find my icons on their blogs too and once I got so fed up that I just released all icons I used (shy of 900 total).

♚ How many people don't like you? I'm sure I've got plenty, but for my peace of mind, I'm not trying to think about it.

⚜ How many people do you not like? For everyone's peace of mind, I'd like to leave this one unanswered.

✮ Have you managed to stay away from drama? Somewhat. But because this place is that place, it inevitably crops up.

☄ Have you ever been in the middle of drama? Yes, but like, when I was sixteen.

☯ Have you ever tried to bring peace to a situation? Yes, and I got ganged up on for it.

☼ How long do you stay mad? Depends on the severity of the situation; I tend to hold grudges when I don't get apologies, though. ( And like, real ones. Not 'Oh, I didn't mean to do so and so. I'm sorry.' )

☀ What's your rp pet peeve? Triple space, purple prose, heavy font formatting, 5x5px icons. I ... don't have the best eyes, and a lot of people don't either. It gives me a message that people don't give a fuck about accessibility. I also hate when people use a lot of passive voice.

☁ Have you ever forgiven a partner when you shouldn't have? No, because the North remembers.

☂ Have you ever been forgiven when you knew you shouldn't have been? No, because I tend to not reconnect with people I've cut off and vice versa.

☢ What fads/trends are you so over? See my rp pet peeve. Can we PLEASE try to be accessible.

☣ Have you ever rp'd with someone you knew for a fact was abusive but tried to give them a chance/to make up your own opinion on the roleplayer? Did they change or did you understand what people were talking about? I'll do you one better: I dated one and rped with one and it was good for a year until I realized how much the callouts ended up actually being true of her behavior. (smiles) Needless to say....... sigh.

♨ Have you ever made a public call out post? No.

❀ What has made you completely lose your chill? Being gaslit when I tried to approach someone about something their friends were doing towards me. I don't expect you to be people's keepers but if your people are coming after me anonymously in your name, you can't just sit back and do nothing and tell me I'm overreacting like be serious.

✿ What do you think about public call out posts? They're good when they're necessary. They're dumb when the 'evidence' are the allegations themselves and not actual proof or just clear signs of stalking.

✂ A fandom that you feel isn't open and accepting? Idk. Most canons; they don't really care much for crossover interactions as much as they say they do, and they certainly don't care much for OCs.Some canon spaces don't even allow OCs.

✉ A fandom that you feel is open and accepting? OC 'fandom'(?) have my hearts. Other OC writers go above and beyond to help get some interactions going, and they're some of the strongest writers on the planet to keep going, despite how much this plaform has stacked against them.

✦ Thoughts on duplicates following you? Don't.

✧ Do you agree with reblog karma or is it forced interaction? Considering I don't want people reblogging memes and stuff from me, I don't practice it. However, if I see a meme on my feed, I'll do my best to send something in to engage.

❥ Has someone ever ruined an FC or character for you? [Pained smile.]

❦ Has someone been jealous of you? Yes.

❧ Have you ever been jealous of anyone? No.

✖ How has Tumblr RP changed since you started? In ways, it's gotten better. While it's not by a huge margin, the fact that people are generally more enthusiastic at having marginalized characters or characters with these traits added to certain canon characters in their spaces says a lot about where we are in society. I also love that we're more quick to call out weird people and whitewashing. Where I was in Tumblr RP back in 2012-16, you couldn't really imagine much of this since it was kept under horny wraps. People also won't put straight up korn with the p on your feed without their proper tags the way they did back then, so that's a major plus.

♒ Thoughts on the fandom you're currently rping in? If I'm being honest with you, it's just the people that know about Psycho-Pass. LOL.

❣ How salty are you feeling right now? Not at all.

[lindwurmkai]

Oh I forgot to mention this here but recently I actually figured out the reason why I sometimes have that seemingly bizarre reaction to other people's benign descriptions of their experiences where I get disproportionately annoyed just because my own experiences are different. (Idk if my post about that still exists; I suspect I may have deleted it)

It's just the tail end of a long chain reaction that started with regularly having my emotions and perceptions dismissed as a child. Later I would frequently describe my internal experiences to all kinds of people from friends to therapists, only to find no one understood what the hell I was talking about. That's why a large part of my time on social media has been spent desperately posting about these things over and over, hoping to find anyone who could relate - because I needed someone to confirm that it was possible for a human to have these experiences. Or I secretly wanted to be challenged so I could at least defend myself. I was already being attacked by my own subconscious after all, and an external opponent would have been easier to defeat.

Unfortunately, during many years of regular oversharing, the most common response I got was total silence though. Sometimes a friend would express sympathy or someone would say they could relate, only to immediately reveal they misinterpreted my words and meant a slightly different experience. It was extremely rare that I found someone who actually experienced the same thing.

This silence started to feel more and more hostile over time. "No one ever answers me when I ask for advice on here!" "I bet they all think I'm talking nonsense and they're just too polite to say it!" "Come at me already! Tell me why you think my experiences are fake or morally wrong!" "Stop ignoring me when I nonconfrontationally point out that my experiences don't match a common narrative; it's tempting me to do it again but in a confrontational tone this time!"

The only thing attacking me was my deeply ingrained mistrust of my own perceptions though. I didn't even consciously feel like I was doubting myself half the time, I was just preparing for battle with some theoretical person who would surely emerge from the woodworks any moment now, or if they didn't, well, then they were clearly a coward. 😐

Once this had happened a few times in relation to a specific subject, any mention of that subject that even alluded to a different experience than mine would remind me of the frustration of never getting a response. I would skip straight ahead to the anger I had eventually ended up feeling the previous times. "This shit again. I bet if I said something, I'd be ignored as usual."

(I'm sure it doesn't help that I used to have friends who would literally ignore me, in direct conversation, because they didn't feel like explaining why they were mad at me or thought a question I'd asked was stupid. My mother did that, too.)

Unfortunately this makes me sound like the villain in that "hi! Most annoying person you've ever met here" meme, but that's not how I usually address these things. I'll either make my own post or reblog with an addition along the lines of, "This is fascinating because I experience the exact opposite. Does it work that way for anyone else here??"

But because I don't get any responses, sometimes the silliest things turn into huge pet peeves very fast. Next thing I know I'm in the notes of every post about the subject that crosses my dash, searching for that one person who is expressing disagreement or confusion for the same reasons as mine. But I'm afraid even when I find one, and see that they're being ignored, it's still not much of a comfort. The need to have my perceptions confirmed as Real, Possible Human Experiences by just one person has suddenly morphed into the need to be acknowledged by those who feel differently.

Perhaps at that point it's about wanting permission to continue having that experience. Permission to exist. But I cannot stress enough how often the subject matter is something completely silly where morals shouldn't even enter the equation! And I'm thirty-six. I can't help but feel like I should be much more mature and well-adjusted by now. The way people my age sometimes talk about younger people can ironically set off this phenomenon as well because it makes me think I can't be a real person who exists if I relate more to the teenager being criticized than the person my age who's doing the criticising and making it about being young like that explains it.

Is it any wonder the form of dissociation I experience most often is depersonalisation? On reflection, no.

[feanorianethicsdepartment]

Alright, I read your recent post and need to know - what is your interpretation of Maglor’s relationship with the twins?

askjdhslkjag my biggest self-inflicted problem in this fandom is that my take on maglor, elrond, and elros' relationship is so intensely detailed and specific i am forever tormented by none of the fic i read ever quite getting it right (from my perspective; i’ve read plenty of fic that presents a good interpretation on their own terms, it’s just never mine.) it’s simultaneously way darker than the fluffy kidnap dads stuff and nowhere near as black-and-white awful as the anti-fëanorian crowd likes to paint it, it’s messy and complicated and surrounded by darkness, and yet there’s also a sincere connection within it which mostly serves to make all those complications worse. angry teenage elrond is angry for a great many reasons, and the circumstances around him being raised by kinslayers account for at least half of them. there’s lots of complexity here, and i don’t see it in fic nearly as often as i’d like

(warning: the post... feathers? i already have an internet friend called faeiri this could be awkward - anyway, the post she’s talking about includes the line ‘everyone is wrong about kidnap dads except me.’ this post follows on from that in being as much a commentary about why various popular interpretations of both how the kidnapdoption went and the way people subsequently characterise the twins just don’t work for me as it is a setting out of my own ideas. i’m not really interested in getting into discourse here, i’m just trying to get my thoughts down. i’ve read fic with these interpretations before that i’ve liked, even, don’t take this as a Condemnation, aight? also this turned out long as hell, so i’m putting it under a cut)

i can never buy entirely fluffy depictions of kidnap dads

which isn’t to say i don’t read them! sometimes all i want is something sweet, for these kids to get to be happy for once. it’s not like i think their time with the fëanorians was completely devoid of laughter

it’s just. the pet names, the special days out, the home-cooked meals, it can get so treacly it stops feeling like the characters they are in the situation they’re in and turns into Generic Found Family #272

it soaks out all the complexity - which is the thing i am here for - and acts like oh, these kids were never in any danger, they were perfectly happy being abducted by the people who murdered everyone they knew, there’s nothing possibly questionable about this relationship at all

and... yeah. that’s not the characters i know. that’s not the context i know they belong to

i just can’t forget the circumstances that led them to meet

rivers of blood, the air filled with screams, a town ablaze, a woman choosing to die. every interaction the three of them have is going to proceed from that nightmare

(sidenote: i tend to hold it was maglor that raised the twins, with maedhros looming ominously in the background not really getting involved. it’s mostly personal preference, i’ve been in and out of the fandom since before this kidnap dads thing blew up and when i joined that was a perfectly standard reading)

(also the cave thing was a dumb idea, old man, if only because it implies beleriand had streams safe enough for children to play in at that point. the way it separates the twins from the third kinslaying is also something i don’t particularly vibe with)

probably my least favourite angle i’ve seen on the situation (edged out only by ‘maglor was actively abusive towards the twins’ which no no no no no no no no NO) is the idea that maglor (and/or maedhros, append as necessary) took the twins specifically to raise them

like, i get where it’s coming from, but it makes maglor come off as really creepy

(i have read fics where it is indeed played off as really creepy, but that’s not a maglor i have any interest in reading about)

(’mags 100% bad’ is just as facile a take to me as ‘mags 100% good’)

even if you’re saying maglor took them in because they had no one left to take care of them - i highly doubt they were the only children the fëanorians orphaned at sirion. idk, it always makes maglor seem much less sympathetic than i think it’s meant to

i prefer to think of it as more... organic? something that evolved, not something that was preordained. them growing closer gradually, the twins finding an adult who might maybe be on their side, maglor becoming invested in them almost by accident

and then the twins are so comfortable with the second scariest monster in amon ereb they frequently sass him off and maglor’s gotten so used to not hurting them he’s not even thinking about it any more. no one’s quite sure how it happened, but they’ve made a Connection

‘wait aren’t they a murderous warlord of questionable mental stability and a pair of terrified small children who’ve lost everyone they ever knew? isn’t that kinda fucked up?’ yup! that’s the point! complexity!

another idea i don’t like is the idea that maglor was an objectively better parent to the twins than eärendil or elwing

other people have talked about this already, i won’t rehash the whole thing. i will say that while i don’t think elwing was a perfect parent - someone so young, in such a horrible situation, i wouldn’t blame her for screwing up - i do think she (and eärendil) did the best by them they possibly could

this is one of the few things they have in common with maglor

something i come across now and again is the idea that sure, elwing and eärendil weren’t abusive or horrible or anything, but they were a couple of basically-teenagers with so many other responsibilities, there was only so much they could do. maglor, on the other hand, is an experienced adult who could take much better care of the twins

and...

first off, it’s not like mags doesn’t have a job. he’s a warlord, he has a fortress to help run, military shit to handle, lots of other stuff that needs to get done to stop everyone from starving or getting eaten by orcs. i feel like sirion had enough of a government there was plenty of opportunity for elwing to take days off and play with her kids, but in the fëanorian camp nobody really has the time to chase after a couple of toddlers, least of all one of the last points on the command network. they just don’t have the people any more

(seriously, the twins getting a formal education with tutors and classes and shit is a weirdly specific pet peeve of mine. this is a band of renegades, not a royal household; if there’s anyone left with those kinds of skills they almost certainly have more important things to do)

more than that, though - well, a quick glance through my late stage fëanorians tag should tell you a lot about what i think maglor’s mental state is like at this point. he is so accustomed to violence death means nothing to him, he’s lost most of his capacity for genuinely positive emotion to an endless century of defeat and despair, he hates everything in the universe, especially himself, he’s only able to keep functioning through a truly astounding amount of denial, and he covers it all up with a layer of snark and feigned apathy, which he defends aggressively because he’s subconsciously realised that if it breaks he’ll have absolutely nothing left

(maedhros, for the record, is... i’d say more stable, but at a lower point. maglor may interact with the world mostly through cold stares and mocking laughter, but at least his mind is firmly rooted in the present)

(on the other hand, at least maedhros lets himself be aware of what they are and where their road will lead)

which... this doesn’t mean maglor doesn’t try to be kind to the twins, or rein in his worst impulses around them

there’s just so little of him left but the weapon

he stalks through the halls like a portent of death and gets into hours-long screaming matches with maedhros and has definitely killed people in front of the twins

not even as, like, a deliberate attempt to scare them, but because when you solve most of your problems by stabbing them it’s pretty much a given that people who spend a lot of time around you are going to see you do it at least once

and sometimes, he curls up in an empty hallway, and weeps

... suffice it to say i don’t think elwing’s the more preoccupied, or the less mentally ill, parent here

just. in general, the fëanorians aren’t cackling boogeymen, but they’re not particularly nice either

no one has the energy left for that. not these isolated and weary soldiers at the end of a long losing war and the beginning of the end of the world. they don’t really bother to guard the kids against them escaping. where else are they going to go?

the sheer despair that must have been in the fëanorian camp after sirion, the knowledge that the cause cannot be fulfilled, that they are utterly forsaken, that they’re really just waiting to die -

it can’t have been a happy place to grow up in, under the shadow of loss and grief and deeds unrepentable, and the slow march of inevitable defeat

they would have had a better childhood if they stayed in sirion, raised by people who knew how to hope

but that isn’t the childhood they had. and despite everything i’ve said, i don’t think that childhood was an entirely awful one

yeah, see, this is where the other side of my self-inflicted fandom catch-22 comes in. just as much of the pro-kidnap dads stuff comes off as overly saccharine and simplified to me, i find much of the anti-kidnap dads stuff equally simplistic in the opposite direction

the idea that maglor and the fëanorians never meant anything to elros and elrond, that they had no effect on the people they became at all, that it was just a horrible thing that happened when they were children, easily thrown in the rear-view mirror...

that’s even more impossible to me than the idea that life with the fëanorians was 100% fluffy and nice

like, i’ve seen the take that elros and elrond hated the fëanorians from start to finish. they were perfect little sindarin princes, loyal to their people and the memory of doriath, spurning every scrap of kindness offered to them and knowing just what to say to twist the knife into the kinslayers’ wounds

... dude. they were six. hell, given their peredhelness, mentally they could easily have been younger

what six year old has a firm grasp of their ethnic identity? what six year old is fully aware of their place in history? what six year old would understand the politics that led to their situation?

don’t get me wrong, i can see hatred in there. but something else that doesn’t get acknowledged alongside it often enough is the fear

some of the stuff i’ve read feels like it gives the kids too much power in the situation. they’re perfectly happy to talk back to and belittle the people who burned down their hometown and killed everyone they ever knew, like miniature adults who don’t feel threatened at all

and, like, six. i can see them going for insults as a defensive measure, but it is defensive. it’s covering up fear, not coming from secure disdain

(and a lot of those insults sound, again, like things an adult who’s already familiar with the fëanorians would say, not a scared child who’s lost almost everything. why would a six year old raised by sindar and gondolindrim know what the noldolantë is, let alone what it means to maglor?)

(... i’m just ranting about this one fic that’s been ruffling my feathers for five years straight now, aren’t i)

i mean, i write elrond as the world’s angriest teenager, who snipes at maglor pretty much constantly, but the thing about angry teenage elrond is that he’s angry teenage elrond

he’s spent long enough with the fëanorians he has a pretty secure position within the camp, and he knows that maglor won’t hurt him from a decade and change of maglor not, in fact, hurting him

but as a small and terrified child abducted by the monsters his mother had nightmares about? he fluctuated wildly between ‘randomly guessing at things to say that wouldn’t get him killed’ ‘screaming at maglor to go away in words rarely more complicated than that’ 'desperately trying not to do or say anything in the hopes of not being noticed’ and ‘hiding’

(and i don’t think the twins were never in any danger from the fëanorians, either. quite besides the point that before they started orbiting maglor nobody was really sure what to do with them... well, they wouldn’t be the first children of thingol’s line the minions took revenge on)

(fortunately for them, maglor did, in fact, take them under his wing. by this point even their own followers are shit scared of the last two sons of fëanor, nobody’s going to mess with their stuff and risk getting mauled. tactically, it was a pretty good decision for a couple of toddlers)

more to the point, i feel like a child that young, in a situation that horrible, wouldn’t reject any kindness they were offered, any soothing touch in a universe of terror

in a world full of big scary monsters, the best way to survive is to get the biggest scariest monster possible to protect you. that’s how elros rationalises it when they’re, like, eight, mentally, but at the time they were just latching on to the only person around them who seemed to care about them

that’s how it started, on their end. two very young very scared children lost in a neverending nightmare clinging tightly to the lone outstretched pair of hands

as for maglor...

i’ve called mags evil before, but i see that as more of a... technical term? he is evil because he did the murder, he remains evil because he won’t stop doing the murder. hot take: murder bad

but that doesn’t make him, like, a moustache-twirling saturday morning cartoon villain. he is deeply unhappy with the position he’s in and the person he’s become, and he’s always trying not to take that final step over the edge

it’s not that i can’t see a maglor who is abusive or manipulative or who sees the twins more as objects than people. it’s just that that characterisation is one i am profoundly uninterested in. i do occasionally read fic with it, but it never enters my own headcanons

horrible people can do good things!! kinslayers can do good things!! the fallen are capable of humanity!! people can do both good and evil things at the same time, because people are complicated!! maglor is not psychologically incapable of actually taking pity on these kids!!!!

it’s... again, complexity. the fëanorians straddle the line between black and white, which is a lot less sharp in the legendarium than it’s sometimes characterised as. it’s what draws me to their characters so much, why i have so many stupid headcanons about them. pretending they fall firmly on either side of the line is my real fandom pet peeve

and, like, this moment? this sincere connection between a bloodstained warlord and two children who will grow up to be great and kind in equal measure? i may not entirely like the direction the fandom’s taken it recently, but that beat, that relationship, it still gets me

so no, i don’t think elrond and elros’ years with the fëanorians were an endless cavalcade of abuse and misery. i think there was love there, despite the darkness all around them

an old, tired monster, and the two tiny children it protects

maglor never hurts the twins, not ever, not once. his claws are sharp and his fangs are keen, if he so much as swatted them he’d rip them in half. instead he folds down the razor edges of his being, interacting with them ever so carefully. he has nightmares of suddenly tearing into their skin

seriously, the power differential between them is so great, maglor so much as raising his voice would break any trust they have in this horribly dangerous creature. fics where he does corporal punishment always get the side-eye from me

the mood of their relationship is... i find it hard to put into words. melancholy, maybe, like a sunny afternoon a few days before the end of the world. three people who’ve lost so much finding what respite they can in each other as the world slowly crumbles around them

there are times when it feels like the three of them exist in a world of their own, marked out by the edges of the firelight. maglor telling stories of the stars, elros giving relaxed irreverent commentary, elrond getting a few moments to just be, all their troubles kept at bay

they are the last two lights in a world sunk into darkness, the last two living beings he does not on some level hate. he will tear his own heart out before he sees them in pain

he teaches them to ride, he teaches them to read, he gives them everything he still has left. the twins should never have been in this situation, maglor probably isn’t entirely fit to take care of them, but it is what it is, and they take what love they can

(maglor depends on the twins emotionally a bit more than any adult should rely on any child. he’s still very much the caretaker in their relationship, but that relationship is the only one he has left that’s not stained by a century of rage and grief. he’s obsessed with them, maedhros tells him frequently. maglor’s standard response to this is to try to gouge maedhros’ eyes out)

(that particular darker side to their relationship, where maglor’s attachment to the twins turns into a desperate possessiveness - that’s not something i think i’ve ever seen in fic. which is a shame, it feels much closer to my own characterisation than the standard ways this relationship gets maleficised. darker, in a different way than usual. horribly compelling in its plausibility)

however you want to read it, i don’t think you can deny this is a relationship that defines elrond and elros’ childhood. they were raised in the woods by a pack of kinslayers, the text is quite clear on this

but i’ve seen a lot of talk about how elros and elrond are only sirion’s children. they are completely 100% sindarin, they love and forgive eärendil and elwing thoroughly and without question, they identify with doriath over - even gondolin, let alone tirion. the fëanorians - the people who raised them - had zero effect on the people they grew into and the selves they created

and that, more than anything else, i find utterly unbelievable

look, i get what this is a reaction to. a lot of the kidnap dads stuff paints the fëanorians as elrond and elros’ ‘real’ family, and i’ve already talked about what i think of the idea that maglor-and-possibly-also-maedhros were better parents than eärendil and elwing. i think it’s reductive and overly optimistic and just a little too neat

but to say instead that elrond and elros held no great love in their hearts for maglor, no lingering affinity with the fëanorians, no influence on their identity from the people they grew up around, none at all? that after it happened they just left it behind and resumed being the same people they were in sirion?

that strikes me as just as much an oversimplification. it sands down all the potential rough edges of their identity, all that inconvenient complexity that stops them from fitting into any well-defined box, and replaces it with a nice safe simple self-conception i find just as flat and boring as declaring them 100% fëanorian

we can quibble over who they call ‘father’ (i personally find that whole debate kinda petty) but denying that it was actually maglor who was the closest thing they knew to a parent for most of their childhoods, and that that would, in fact, affect the way they thought of themselves and their family, elides so many interesting possibilities out of existence

(i’m not even going to get into the most braindead take i have ever heard on the subject, namely that because their time with the fëanorians was such a small fraction of elrond’s total lifespan it was like being kidnapped for two weeks as a toddler and had no greater significance than that. do you not understand what childhood is????)

like, i tend to think of elrond as a child as being very loudly not-a-fëanorian. elros is more willing to go with the flow - hey, if the creepy kinslayer wants kids, elros is happy to play into that in order to not be murdered - but elrond is very firm that he’s not happy to be here and he doesn’t belong with them

(this is after they get over their initial terror, of course, when they’ve realised they won’t be fed to the orcs for the tiniest slight. even so, elrond only really gets shirty about it around people he’s comfortable with, whose reactions he can reasonably guess at. naturally, the first person he does it to is maglor)

elros calls maglor their father exactly once, when they’re... maybe early preteens? this is because elrond hears him do it and immediately loses his shit. they have a dad, elrond says, in tears, and a mum, and any day now their real parents are going to come to pick them up and take them home

... right?

it gets harder to believe as the years roll on, as their memories of sirion fade, as they find their own places within the host, as maglor watches over them as they grow. elrond still mentally sets himself apart from the fëanorians, but it’s more of an effort every year. life in the fëanorian camp is the only one he’s ever really known. he can barely remember his mother’s voice

then the war of wrath starts, and the fëanorian host drifts closer to the army of valinor, and the twins come into contact with non-fëanorians for the first time in forever, and it becomes clear just how obviously fëanorian elrond is. he always insisted he wasn’t like the kinslayers at all, but he dresses like them, talks like them, fights like them

the myth cycles the edain tell are almost completely unfamiliar to him, he barely remembers the shape of the songs of lost doriath. even these sarcastic commentary and subversive reinterpretations he made of maglor’s stories - those were still maglor’s stories! he’s been trying to guess at the person he was meant to be, but it’s growing nightmarishly blatant how little elrond ever knew about him

instead, the people he was born to are as alien to him as the orcs of morgoth. he is a fëanorian, through and through

... yeah, elrond (and/or elros) having an absolutely massive identity crisis upon being reintroduced to his quote-unquote ‘true kin’ is another angle i’d love to see in fic that i don’t think i’ve ever come across. all those potential grey areas around who they are and who they’re supposed to be sound utterly fascinating, and i think it’s the complexity i hate to see elided over the most

i really, really doubt they could effortlessly slot back into being eärendil and elwing’s children. not when they’ve been surrounded by, lived alongside, been raised by the people who were supposed to enemies for most of their lives

they just don’t fit into that box any more. they can’t

speaking of eärendil and elwing, while i do agree that they both (especially elwing) get a lot more flak than they deserve, i don’t agree that therefore elrond and elros were never the slightest bit mad at them and fully forgave them for everything with no reservations

because, well, they were left behind. elwing had no other choice, but they were still left behind; it led to the world being saved, but they were still left behind. all the best intentions in the universe don’t erase the weeks and months and years of waiting, of a hope that grew thinner and frailer until it finally quietly broke

that’s a real hurt, and a real grievance. even if the twins rationally understand that their parents were making the best out of their terrible situation, you can’t logic away emotions like that. it’s perfectly possible for them to know they have no reason to resent eärendil or elwing, and yet still harbour that bitterness and pain

(i did write a thing once where elrond loudly rejects eärendil as his father in favour of maglor, but something i didn’t add in that i probably should have is that elrond later regretted doing that)

(not like, several centuries later, when he’d grown old and wise. two hours later, when he’d calmed down. but he was still legitimately angry at eärendil, because the one thing angry teenage elrond was not lacking in was reasons to be mad at the adults around him, and before he could figure out if he had anything less furious to say the hosts of the valar left middle-earth behind)

(it’s another element to the tragedy of the whole thing. in that particular story, which is mostly aiming for maximum pain, the only thing elrond’s birth parents know about their son for thousands of years is that he hates them)

(and he doesn’t, not really. you can’t hate someone you’ve never known)

not that i think they couldn’t ever make up with their parents! fics where elrond and his birth parents work past all the things that lie between them and form a functional familial bond despite it all give me life. i just don’t like the idea that there’s nothing difficult for them to work past

i don’t like the idea that elrond and elros would naturally, effortlessly identify with the mother they last saw when they were six and the people they only vaguely remember. i can see them doing it as a political move, i can see them going for it as a deliberate personal choice, but i can’t seeing it being immediate and automatic and easy

no matter how great a pair of heroes eärendil and elwing are, that doesn’t change the fact that to elrond and elros, they’re at most a few scattered memories and a collection of far-off stories. and so long as the twins stay in middle-earth, they’re never going to draw any closer

compared to the dynamic, multifaceted, personal, and deep bonds they have with the fëanorians - who, and i know i keep saying this but i think it gets tossed aside way more casually than it should, are the people who actually raised them, their birth parents must feel like a distant idea

and that’s why i can never buy interpretations of elrond as 100% sindarin, a pure son of doriath, with no messy grey areas or awkward jagged edges to his identity. given everything we know about his life, it seems almost cartoonishly simplistic

honestly it seems like a narrative a bunch of old doriathrin nobles trying to manouevre elrond into being high king of the sindar or something would propagate. it's neat and nice and tidy, something that’d be much more convenient for everyone if elrond did feel that way

but i just don’t see how he can. this narrative is easy and simple in a way real people never are, it ignores all the forces pulling him apart. elrond being uncomplicatedly sindarin with the life he lives and the people he's close to - that doesn’t make any sense to me

which isn’t to say i think he’s 100% noldorin, from either a gondolindrim or a fëanorian perspective. (i find it a little more believable, given, again, who he grew up around and who he hangs out with, but it’s still a bit too reductive for my tastes.) it’s also not to say i couldn’t believe an elrond who made an active choice to emphasise his sindarin heritage

it’s not how i think of him, but it works. i don’t have a problem with other people interpreting the complexities of the twins’ identities differently

i just have a problem with people acting like it doesn’t exist

in general i think there’s a lot untapped potential that gets left behind when you declare the twins, separately or together, as All One Thing

they’re descended from half the noble houses of beleriand, and they have deep personal ties to most of the rest. they belong to all of the free peoples even the dwarves, somehow, probably and i feel like that was kind of the old man’s point? so many peoples meet in them, to say they wholly belong to any one species is probably an oversimplification

they sit at a crossroads of potential identities, and rather than narrowing down their worldviews to one single path, they take the hard road and choose all of them. that’s what you need to do, if you want to change the world

and, to bring this back to my ostensible topic, in my estimation at least this mélange of possible selves does include them as fëanorians! it’s not overpowering, but it’s certainly there, and the adults they grow into long after they’ve left the host still bear influence from their childhood

nothing super obvious, nothing that wouldn’t stand out if you didn’t know what to look for, but there’s something almost incandescent in how fiercely elros reaches out for his dreams

there’s something almost defiant in elrond’s drive to be as kind as summer

as for who they publically claim as their family... honestly, it depends. while it’s usually more tactically prudent for elros to connect himself to his various human ancestors, on occasion he does find a use for his free in with the elf mafia, and elrond, code switcher par excellence, is famously the son of whoever is most politically convenient at the moment, which is rarely, but not never, maglor

(in the privacy of their own minds, well, eärendil and elwing may have been the parents elros was supposed to have, but maglor was the parent he actually had, and elros doesn’t particularly care to mope over what might have been. elrond, for his part, figures that after all the shit maglor has put him through, the least that bastard owes him is a father)

but honestly? i think before any of their mountain of identities, before thinking of themselves as sindarin or gondolindel or hadorian or haladin or fëanorian or anything, elrond and elros identify as themselves

they are peredhil, they are númenóreans, they are whoever they make themselves to be. that’s how elrond finally resolved his identity, figured out who he was and found something past the pain and the rage

he wasn’t doriathrin, or gondolindrin, or falathrin, or fëanorian, or whatever else. he was elrond, no more and no less

and that person, elrond, could be whatever he chose to be

... elros came to a similar conclusion, with much less sturm und drang that he’s willing to admit. being able to go ‘hey, i can’t possibly be biased towards any one of your cultures, because i’m descended from all of you and i was raised by murderelves’ makes it a lot easier to unite people around your personal banner, turns out

the stories other people tried to force on them shattered into pieces, and the peredhel twins were free to shape themselves into anything they could dream of

and as the new world struggles alive, these lost children of an Age of death begin to bloom into their full glorious selves -

i just. i love the poetry of that. despite every single shadow that hangs over their past, despite all the clashing notes pulling them apart, they harmonise it all into a greater, kinder theme, determined to make their world a better place in whatever way they can

they fail, of course, but so do all things. the inevitable march of entropy doesn’t diminish the long millennia they (and their descendants) held onto the light

and their growing up in the fëanorian host definitely had a huge effect on the noble lords they became. you can see it in elros’ loud ambition to create a land of happiness and hope, elrond’s quiet resolve to heal all the hurts inflicted by this marred reality

it wasn’t a perfect time by any means, but neither was it a nightmare. it was what it was, a desperate existence at the edge of a knife where, nevertheless, they were loved

even after years upon decades upon centuries have passed, it’s hard for the wise king and the honourable sage to separate out and identify all the conflicting emotions swirling around their childhood. they never knew eärendil or elwing, true, but they also never really knew maglor

not as equals, not as adults, not as people who could truly understand him. he disappeared into the fog of history, leaving only childhood memories of razor-sharp, gentle hands

it’s messy and it’s complicated and getting any real closure would be like shoving their way through a thornbush with bare hands even if elrond could find the shithead, and yet at the core of it all, there is light. not the brightest of lights, maybe, but an enduring one

that contrast, above all, that note of warmth amidst the shadows, is what fascinates me so much about their relationship. three screwed up people in a screwed up world, finding a little peace with each other

and the fact that somehow, it does have a good ending - the children grow up magnificent and compassionate and just, they become exemplars of all their peoples, lodestars of the new world born out of the ashes of the old - that makes it seem to me like this relationship must have contained some fragment of happiness

but, fuck, all the darkness that surrounds that love, all the tangled-up emotions its existence necessitates, all the prefabricated self-identities it can never slot into - nothing about it is simple, nothing about it is easy, and i find that utterly enthralling. especially how, despite everything, that flickering light never goes out

well, i don’t think it does, anyway. my take on this relationship is both complicated enough no one else ever quite gets it right and well-defined enough every single ‘error’ in other people’s interpretations sticks out like a kinslayer in rivendell

it is an entirely self-inflicted problem, i will admit. other people are allowed to interpret those complexities differently from me, and it’s entirely my own fault i lack the :waves hands around nebulously: to write my own hypothetical fic on the subject at a pace faster than glacial

still, though. i do wish there was more fic out there that engaged with these complexities. a lot of the common fandom interpretations of this relationship just sweep it all away

[empressapprentice]

I agree with most thing you say, and I think you address many important points, however, there is one thing that has been annoying me a little recently.

Why do you always accuse people who dislike Nadia of being sexist and racist?

Look, I understand that a lot of the time this is the case, but I'd like to maintain at least a tiny spec of faith in humanity and assume that this isn't the majority.

Using myself as an example, I do have to admit that Nadia was never one of my favourite LIs and yet I will still keep saying that she IS an absolute badass! She's powerful and determined and so so cool!

And yet, she does have character flaws that bother me a little more than the flaws of other characters, such as:

- her initial hatred towards her sisters (I know this changes by the end of her route, but it really did bother me in the moment and created somewhat a distaste to her, I will admit this might be because I am an eldest sibling and she sounded exactly like my younger siblings).

and

- her almost pedantic perfectionism (yes, once again, this changes by the end of the route, but only slightly in my opinion. I still felt like she had a need for major control over every situation, which is understandable considering her position in society, and yet is simply a pet peeve of mine).

I don't believe these things annoy me because she's a woman of colour in a position of power but rather because they are simply character flaws that I dislike no matter which character they belong to.

Just to reiterate the main thing I am trying to get answered here is why are you so persistent about these theories that racists and sexists don't like Nadia? I'm not trying to toot my own horn or be a 'its not all...' type of person. I am simply saying that you really are trying to push this idea across and I'm not entirely sure I can agree. I haven't seen many- if any at all- post putting Nadia down because of her race and gender, or at least I have never interpreted them that way. By no means do I mean to belittle or disregard what you're saying, because I do believe that problems like this should be tackled, but perhaps you are interpreting most of the Nadia hate as something it's not. Or perhaps I am not reading into it enough and try my best to maintain some belief in this community, causing me to miss the blatant racism and sexism.

Hi there, thank you for sending me this question. I appreciate having the opportunity to better explain some of these issues. The first thing I would like to point out is that it's okay to not prefer Nadia compared to the other characters, or even not like her. That's fine. Having preferences is not the issue here. The problem is that Nadia is largely ignored compared to the other love interests. Knowing that Nadia is a woman of color (the only WOC love interest), it's very telling that she is always the one who gets excluded and sidelined. I know that this fandom has issues with racism and sexism. When you spend enough time looking at the patterns of how characters are treated, you see it. Take for example, how many times people whitewash Asra in fanart.

The other thing is that a lot of people dislike Nadia for reasons that link to stereotypes and biases against women of color. People tend to paint her as mean, stern and bossy. I strongly suspect that people who mischaracterize her like that are leaning into stereotypes about women in power and further, women of color in power. Think about how from young ages, girls who take leadership roles are called "bossy" while boys are praised for being assertive. People seem willing to make these sweeping generalizations about the kind of character she is without really backing it up with evidence from her route. It's more subtle than "I dislike Nadia because she's a woman," it's deeper and more insidious. She always seems to fall into the background, too. There's a major lack of interaction with her character and interest in her route.

I recognize that there are times where perhaps I have been too aggressive in calling out racism and sexism without explaining why I feel the situation warrants it. However, to myself and others in this fandom (particularly the people of color who do a lot of work in calling out this behavior, whose example I always strive to follow), it is abundantly clear that these issues exist in all fandoms and it's not surprising that it affects us here in the Arcana fandom too. I recognize that it may be helpful for me to elaborate on these issues more but my goal has always been to help people confront their personal biases when they see my posts. I hope that seeing something like my Nadia character sheet allows people to understand how complex and flawed she is. She's not a one-dimensional girlboss or a passive victim of Lucio. My goal is always that people will look at my page and start to think beyond the stereotypes that surround the fanon discussion of Nadia.

Just for the sake of brevity, I decided to not address the specific issues you have with Nadia. However, please know if there are things you (or anyone else) want to talk about, my inbox and DMs are open. I hoped this helped.

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

fuck I still haven't done the rewrite of the Mutant Town AU that I specifically came off hiatus to write, like the Plant Witch Sam and Pharaoh Tucker posts were written to prep this au and I just got wildly distracted so uhhhh

yeah the concept is in the link but the gist is that the people and town becoming mutated by constant ectoplasmic contamination, we all know and love this concept right but I'm gonna expand on it

this is a direct result of the portal being opened, but they aren't getting infected from the portal, the issue is that creating a permanent opening into the ghost zone has weakened the veil between their worlds and Amity Park and the Ghost Zone sort of slip in and out of each other constantly

and because ectoplasm responds strongly to emotions (poltergeists being made from atmospheric emotions for example) it all tends to converge very heavily at the school full of hormonal teenagers

so Casper High becomes its own god damn cryptid, the teachers get so jaded about opening the door to a classroom and finding just a whole ass ghost zone on the other side that they just put a sign on the door telling kids to go to a different room, lockers swap contents with other lockers so kids have started putting their names on the inside so they know who's stuff they've just found

this also means the kids get super affected, like super affected, literally, they all get ghost powers, some are just physical mutations, some are just super abilities, or a general increase in natural ability, like a member of the track team getting super speed

it takes a while for Danny and co. to figure this out, Sam and Tucker should have been warning signs as they've spent the most time around ghosts and the ghost zone, but that's why the Witch Sam and Pharaoh Tucker posts are important

they have powers, but they thought they came exclusively from outside sources, they had no idea that their abilities were also strengthened and influenced by being highly contaminated by ectoplasm, which is why when one day Mikey sneezes and green acid shoots out of his nose and melts his desk, everyone is a little bit startled

the teachers have long since started using ghost detectors after the time Paulina spent a whole week overshadowed by Kitty, so Mikey gets a check over and other than the usual atmospheric reading Lancer gets nothing especially strong from him

there have been concerns about the gradually increasing ectoplasmic content in the air messing with ghost detector results, the devices have to be recalibrated constantly, so Lancer asks the one and only son of the local ghost hunters in the room if he has some other way to check

Danny's parents make him keep a few protective items in his schoolbag, so he tries some gear on him to see if anything comes flying out, but nothing does, Danny isn't too surprised seeing as he couldn't sense a ghost in the room anyway, but it definitely makes things a little concerning

even if it were a repeat of the Spectra incident and he wasn't being overshadowed, the Fenton's tech would have still gotten rid of whatever was causing this if it were an external influence

Mikey is sent home for the day and his parents are told to keep an eye on him

and then the next week, Star drops a pen off her desk and a strand of her hair whips out to grab it, she's also checked for ghost influence and sent home

a few weeks after that it happens again, a kid on the basketball team makes a leap to the net and stays in the air, they have to call in the cheerleaders to climb on top of each other to reach him and pull him down

Danny has been trying to figure out what's happening from the first moment with Mikey, and his parents have also been getting calls from worried parents who want to know if they can fix whatever's happening to their kids

over the next couple of months, every kid in the school has some kind of ability or mutation, Dash heals whoever he touches, which he discovers after punching Nathan in the face and curing his acne, Paulina turns invisible, which freaks her out at first until she realises it's great for eavesdropping, Wes can conjure fire (because I desperately needed him to have a polarising ability to Danny), Kwan becomes empathic and can feel and influence people's emotions

Valerie also had an early mutation that she didn't know about, when Technus gave her a new suit, her body pretty much just absorbed it as a part of her, Technus had not intended this to happen, and was pretty peeved about it, Valerie found out that she had stolen control over the suit when Technus had a big rant about it during a fight, and she put the pieces together once other kids started developing abilities

this whole thing causes a ton of chaos as kids are struggling to control what they can do, so Danny has to step in and help them out, he often has to run off to change into Phantom in order to protect everyone from an ability that's gone haywire, he ends up pretty much running ghost power training courses after school to help them control themselves

he's also gotten stuck in situations where he's had to step in and help someone without having the time to change forms, meaning he has to make up a cover story about having developed his own powers way before everyone else since he's been living on top of a portal for years, he only tells people about his ice powers

Jazz has always had a tendency to be able to reign in her emotions and keep a cool head, (the only ones who can really push her buttons are Danny and sometimes her parents, at school around other kids who look up to her she's often very in control) meaning she doesn't draw ectoplasm to herself all that much, and though Danny uses the excuse of having lived on top of a ghost portal to explain why he's already so familiar with using his power, it's actually not even remotely true, because the Fentons use specialised air purifiers to keep the atmospheric ectoplasm at a manageable level, the Fenton house ironically has the least atmospheric contamination compared to the rest of the town, that's how Maddie and Jack have had limited mutation to themselves (though they aren't wholly free, they've mostly just gotten physically stronger and tougher)

so even though Jazz develops her power a little earlier than everyone else's, it's not that far ahead, and she actually doesn't even realise she already has one until half the school has developed theirs

Jazz has the power to slow time in a little bubble around herself, she'd been using it without realising while studying, having gotten through hours of work in half that time, she always thought it was just her losing track of time or she was just getting faster at reading, she also spends a lot of time counselling other students and trying to help them sort out their problems, and they'd often comment that they felt like they'd been talking for so much longer than they had, again she just chalked it up to losing track of time

a lot of students had wondered why Danny developed a power early and Jazz hadn't, until someone walked in on Jazz helping a girl through a panic attack in the bathroom, and found them both talking extremely fast, a lot of her friends realised in hindsight that she'd been doing that unwittingly for quite a while, nobody had noticed because she always talked to people privately, so nobody outside her little time bubble had seen it happen

Sam and Tucker come clean about their abilities too, but they also don't give the full rundown, still keeping some things close to the chest to avoid standing out from everyone else

then there's the teachers

adults typically have a better time regulating emotions than teenagers, meaning much like Jazz they aren't drawing as much ectoplasm toward themselves, but this doesn't exempt them from developing something after a while, especially with the heightened stress of managing a school full of volatile super kids

Mr Lancer discovers that he can create shields, after an incident where he jumps in front of some students to protect them from another power gone awry

Tetslaff ends up with a sonic ability, able to project her voice like a megaphone (yes this is a Coach Boomer from Sky High reference don't @ me), Principal Ishiyama develops a physical mutation, growing to twice her size, she likes that she can tower over the students while delivering speeches, but she doesn't like having to stoop through doors all the time, she has the one to her office resized, along with her chair and desk

so as you can imagine, the town ends up erupting into chaos, a lot of kids very much misuse their abilities, Danny does his best as Phantom to teach people to be responsible, but sometimes he has to resort to literally kicking their asses to get them to straighten up

but for the most part, a ton of kids were already looking up to him, and are generally pretty happy to follow his example, especially the more popular kids, it's generally considered not very cool to get your ass kicked by Phantom, so weirdly enough a lot of kids get peer pressured into not causing any real damage or injury with their powers

this doesn't mean they don't absolutely misuse them, they're just more subtle about it

until a ghost shows up, a lot of the kids are more than happy to let loose to protect themselves and their friends, and Phantom for the most part is happy to let them, with some supervision of course, he still has to make sure nobody gets too hurt (including the ghosts)

the entire debacle makes Danny's life simultaneously a whole lot easier AND so much more fucking stressful

[astronartists-writes]

Helloooo:)

May i request a Twice reaction to their Fem! s.o being protective of them?(like in a healthy way, not possessive)

Have a good day:3

a/n: i was so excited when you sent me this because it was super early that i got this from when i posted everything else.

hope this turned out okay!

Masterlist

TWICE with a protective s/o

TW: mentions of sasaengs, mentioned worries about toxicity

CW: none! :)

fem!reader, race unspecified :)

Park Jihyo

when you first showed her your protectiveness, she was a little worried that you might end up being overbearing

but as time went by, and you were super chill about her living her own life, she realized that you weren’t someone she should be concerned about.

you were perceptive to her feelings, so the second she seemed uncomfortable, you would shoot a nasty glare at whatever was making her feel so

usually it was sasaengs

sometimes it was her stage outfits

the glare was always the first warning

if the glare didn’t work on people, you’d wrap an arm around her as a second warning.

if those warnings didn’t work, you’d start responding in place of Jihyo, your tone flat and dismissive

she thought it was hilarious

it eased any anxiety she might feel

because The Glare can’t really work on an outfit,

you would usually offer her your jacket, or would carry a small blanket around to cover her legs with while she sits

you always made sure to ask if she wanted your jacket or the blanket, giving her a choice of rejection

she’s an independent adult, and you treated her as such

you’ve got her back, and she feels safe when you’re around.

Im Nayeon

i feel like nayeon would be protective of her s/o as well,

so you being protective wouldn’t faze her.

it’s just natural

you always asked her if she was feeling uncomfortable with something, and did everything you could to help her fix it if she was

you could honestly be her personal security guard, you were that effective.

you once practically threw a bitch that was getting a little too close, and she was scared at the time, but laughed a lot when the video surfaced

all of twice’s stage outfits are kind of ridiculous sometimes, and you often complained about the discomfort of not only nayeon, but the other members as well

you knew how uncomfortable clothing that showed a lot of skin could be — especially short skirts,

so you empathized, even going to managers to ask if it was really necessary for the members to wear certain things

she felt very loved when you showed her your protectiveness, and always made sure to make you feel loved, too

Yoo Jeongyeon

personally feeling very protective of jeongyeon right now, hope she’s feeling lots better

so you make sure to give her plenty of space, asking questions once, and not pressuring her for an answer if she couldn’t give you one.

you treated her the way you treated everyone else,

only really being protective of the way people spoke to and/or about her

if you felt something was uncalled for, you immediately told the person who said it off,

sometimes you ordered them to apologize,

sometimes you told them calmly that what they said wasn’t very nice, and gave them a disapproving stare

tbh, not many instances happened where you had to tell them off,

so you tried to express your care for her in other ways

like making her food, getting her tea, sharing your clothes

jeongyeon would tell you clearly if you were to cross a boundary, and you would immediately make sure to never cross it again in order to avoid being possessive

she felt comfortable with you

you never once made her feel bad for not liking something, or not wanting something to be done,

so she was able to openly communicate with you with little to no fears

Hirai Momo

momo liked the two of you doing your own thing for the most part

being independent together was nice

she liked being able to depend on each other for things as well, though

like emotional support, and someone to always have her back

one of her favorite things was seeing you get protective

it usually happened at the smaller things, not the bigger things because you couldn’t be around for many of the big things

like if a bee or a wasp got too close to her, you were right there to move her out of the way

if you saw her shoelace untied, you’d get down and tie it for her so she wouldn’t trip

if you saw someone look at her in a way you didn’t like, you would put an arm around her out of the need to make sure they didn’t try anything harmful

she wasn’t helpless, but it felt nice to show her she could rely on you if she needed to.

Minatozaki Sana

because of her cuteness, you often felt very protective of her

however, we all know that sana is not innocent

she’s an adult, y’know

anyway

at first, she was a little irritated at how protective you could be

you were far more obvious about it than subtle

after a while, she got used to it, and thought about how you didn’t question her choices

you didn’t even try to control her

she liked it a lot

you liked to latch onto her arm in public when there were a lot of people, and she enjoyed holding your waist, poking you in the side every once in a while to get a cute little giggle out of you

the display of protection she liked the most was you tugging down a skirt if you thought it was riding up too much

she liked that you didn’t want anyone to even see the safety shorts, especially when you explained that you just didn’t want her to feel embarrassed if someone posted pictures online

usually when you did something protective, you tried to make it playful.

every once in a while, you’d poke her butt when you pulled her dress down

Myoui Mina

you weren’t protective of her too often because she’s not a very social person,

but you took every opportunity you could

mostly on days she was on stage or doing other activities and you were with her

she stayed home the rest of the time, and while she used to be mostly alone, having you around was something much appreciated

because you were mostly in the safety of your own home, you usually were protective about comments on the internet

she would look through them for things she could improve on — some people left some pretty good constructive criticism

but there would always be hate comments

it’s something to expect from being in the industry

not everyone is going to like you, and the people who don’t can be very cruel

she had learned to mostly not take comments about her personally,

but if you happened to glance at what she was doing out of curiosity and found a comment you didn’t like,

you’d get a little peeved

you’d tell her that she should mute those comments so she wouldn’t see them anymore

this resulted in a very brief argument, where you quickly apologized for the misunderstanding

and explained that you just didn’t want her to feel bad

she thought about it a little and nodded, thanking you for the concern, but explaining that the comments didn’t really get to her

so you’d shyly request to read them with her, dragging the people that left mean comments through the dirt

it made her laugh

if someone dared to say something about her in front of you, though... all hell would break loose.

your protectiveness in public only occurred when the members were being mobbed

you’d hold her hand to make sure she didn’t get pulled away, shooting glares every which way.

your protectiveness made her laugh in private, and made her feel safe in public

Kim Dahyun

you only really protected dahyun when she was frightened or startled at first

which was quite frequent

but after a while, you found yourself saying you’d go before her in things she was nervous about

and then even in things she wasn’t nervous about

the urge to keep her safe was just really strong at that point

she was never actually bugged about it

she liked having a doting girlfriend to hide behind

she even stepped in a few times when you looked nervous, too, eager to keep you feeling safe

she would not be able to do much for you while at high places, though

so even if you were also scared, you’d just clutch her hand and shakily walk with her across area that seemed sketchy.

she gave you a kiss every time you stopped,

and that motivated you enough to keep going

after the hell of high places, she wouldn’t let go of you, trying to show you just how grateful she was by praising you and comforting you

you didn’t feel so scared at the end of it, though

she was grateful for your protectiveness, and was just as protective of you

Son Chaeyoung

she is tiny, so it would be easier to lose her in a crowd than others

she’s responsible enough to not get lost, but you liked to hold her hand just in case

our chaengie is playful,

and so sometimes she’s a little bit too focused on messing around with you to notice potential danger

like a car coming down the narrow road

so you’d tug her out of the way, continuing your conversation without another thought

she usually payed a lot of attention to her surroundings, so the fact that she didn’t realize there was a car was surprising.

you didn’t mention it because you were just keeping her safe, but she was very flustered

if the weather suddenly got colder than expected, you always had a hoodie and a jacket on you

as soon as you saw her shivering,

you’d shed your jacket and hoodie, handing the hoodie to her wordlessly before putting your jacket back on.

you didn’t want her to get sick

she never gave that hoodie back, but she always brought it with her after that.

when people had you on edge, you wouldn’t leave her side

if they were decidedly too much, you’d hold her hand,

and if you really didn’t like a person, you’d straight up just tug her away from them with you (if they followed, you’d totally bark at them)

Chaeyoung found your protectiveness romantic, and wouldn’t trade it for anything

Chou Tzuyu

Tzuyu can hold her own pretty well

she can be quiet, and intimidating, so you weren’t actually protective in a way that people other than her could see

you stayed next to her when you were together, keeping it normal looking if she seemed endangered by anyone

if she needed to get out of a situation, she’d tap your wrist two times and you would get her out of there by any means.

she wasn’t allowed to be mean because of her job, but you could be as mean as you felt needed

another way you were protective was reporting harmful comments and/or posts to JYP directly

always under an anonymous alias

sometimes the two of you would end up looking through rumors and laughing at the ridiculous ones

like a secret boyfriend

that one you screenshot and sent to Tzuyu, who sent it to the group chat for the TWICE members so you could all scoff at it

when you asked if she felt overwhelmed by anything you did, she denied it

she felt comfortable when she was around you. she found your protectiveness sweet.

[meetmyglowinthedarkboyfriend]

RR CRIT: East Asian Representation

I'm not sure whether or not this is the right time to jump on the bandwagon of RR Crit when there is already so much being debated, but as an East Asian, I have definitely noticed several things this fandom and Rick might have got a little off or wrong about our cultures, or just portrayed them in a negative light which may fall into stereotypes. Please note that this list may not cover every single point worthy of criticism regarding the East Asian characters of PJO/HoO/ToA.

Note: I live in Hong Kong and am ethnically, culturally and nationally Chinese. The Japanese aspect of this post may not be 100% accurate and I rely on my limited knowledge and TV Tropes on this part. I also rely on the Traditional Chinese translation to help me.

Chinese

FRANK ZHANG

The renditioning of his Chinese name is incorrect. In SoN, his grandmother calls him “Fai Zhang”, which is incorrect on several different levels.

The name order: Chinese names are presented as surname first, given name last, not the Western order. Japanese names are also rendered this way in Japanese (but in Western order in Western media), Korean names are rendered the same way, and even Hungarian names are like this. Dude had one job and couldn't even do it right.

The romanization method: Zhang is obviously a pinyin/post-PRC takeover rendition of 張/张, while Fai is likely to be in either Wade-Giles or isn't Mandarin Chinese altogether - I suspect Cantonese, which I made a theory for. The “different romanized topolects in one name” thing is not unheard of in Hong Kong, where I've seen “Mando-surname, Canto-given-name” combinations (disregarding the form of Mandarin romanization used - I've seen both pinyin and Wade-Giles), but it most certainly is uncommon. I can get more into this later per request - send in an ask and I'll give all the legal name combinations for romanization in Hong Kong that I've seen.

It is more of a consistency issue than anything, but in-universe, Frank apparently didn't know how to read Chinese more than his own name. With a grandmother like his, how did he go over fifteen years without learning to read Chinese? He also lived in/near Vancouver, a city with a large Chinese population. How could he not know!?? And within two weeks, he somehow knew enough Chinese to read off a tourist Google Maps in Rome. How did he teach himself to read Chinese, a difficult language for Westerners to master, within two weeks? Even if many foreign names are transliterated into pinyin in Chinese, he would have to recognize the characters used in the transliteration, know the pinyin for the words, be able to transliterate the name, then guess the Western name of the place, all without the use of a computer? That's not possible if you're a newbie to any form of Chinese, in spite of what I wrote in Remembrance (my fanfic).

The “Amazhang” Pun: This is more of a fandom issue than anything, since it's never used in canon. The “a” in Zhang sounds more like a non-rhotic “ar”, and the “zh” is like a nasal “j” sound with rolling tongue. Whenever I see that pun, I have to force myself to say it in the Western pronunciation to get the pun - it's more of a pet peeve than anything, but still.

Why is he so underrated? Once again, a fandom thing. Why is he the least popular out of the Seven in the fandom? I'm not sure if racism has anything to do with this or not, but my point stands. Why is he so underrated in the fandom? But then again, he is underrated in canon too, sometimes the inadvertent butt of jokes and gags. Dude, uncool.

The whole Love Triangle From Hell thing… still not cool.

The “Ghost Month” thing: I as a city person… don't care about the Ghost Month as much, and neither do much of my family, and we are “Westernized” Chinese people at that. The quote “Tell me it's a coincidence we're searching for the Doors or Death during the ghost month” (HoH Ch10) seems a tad ooc and superstitious. Some Chinese people are very superstitious, but for someone who was primarily raised in Western and not Chinese culture, that is just… weird. Contradicts previous characterization. Dude can't even stick to one characterization, even if it's a shitty characterization. And ANOTHER point regarding the “ghost month” is that it refers to the seventh month on the LUNAR calendar (Western calendar - starts in mid to late July or even August), not July (Gregorian calendar). Specifically in 2010, the so-called Ghost Month wouldn't start until 12 July because that's the first day of the seventh lunar month, but the conversation where they talked about the Ghost Month took place on 5 July. Gods, I thought being raised in a place with such a large Chinese diaspora would have taught you the difference between the two calendars. At least the celebration of Tuen Ng Festival, aka Dragon Boat Festival needn't be brought up in canon as it took place days before SoN began, instead of during the bulk of the plot, or I'd have to register another complaint.

(taken from the post of @queenangst) His arc: The bigger part of his HoO arc is becoming more confident, yes, but it also involves getting pretty buff and tall. (Personal jealousy because I am also Chinese and am very, very short - maybe it's the northern genes? Northerners are taller than southerners, but Frank would be tall even for a northerner…) Slight fatphobic implications here because he basically “lost his fat” to become buff so as to get his character development (physically). I don't deny his character got some development, but the way it was physically represented is kind of fatphobic AND unnecessary.

(taken from the post of @housemartius, specifically from the reply of @pipersgay) Descriptions: “Baby man” and “panda”… yeah, that's not very nice in hindsight. And I'm quite sure 16yo Chinese folks wouldn't have much of a baby face, especially when they're raised in a healthy environment where their growth wouldn't be stunted by poor nutrition and therefore puberty would start earlier. The best canon-compliant explanation would be that he's a late bloomer, but I don't think late bloomers mean THIS late in most cases (taken from the post of @lesbiansism). Also, Rick… sumo wrestlers are Japanese, not Chinese. Stop promoting Interchangeable Asian Cultures.

(taken from the post of @housemartius, specifically from the reply of @alfie167) Despite having Western relatives, he has little to no on-page interaction with them in BoO - everything takes place off-page and honestly, it would have been interesting to see their interaction, because family really matters to the Chinese.

His lack of dyslexia: Yeah, it's cool to know it is possible that some demigods don't have dyslexia, but he is East Asian… maybe you should have picked a different and/or another demigod of a different ethnicity to play this part (as well). Also, in case you are wondering, East Asian kids can get learning disabilities too and in Hong Kong, kids with dyslexia receive some forms of support like more time to finish their exams and printing assessments and maybe assignments in larger font for easier reading, or so I vaguely recall.

Being raised more Western: Chinese people, especially in the diaspora, are pretty proud of their heritage overall. And Vancouver, a city where Frank and his family live in/near, houses a large part of the Chinese Canadian diaspora. Dude was basically raised in Chinese culture and/or multicultural society and hardly talk about it. How Frank managed to not go 16 years without much regard for all of THAT Chinese culture exposure and not mention it before MoA (starting with the Chinese handcuffs thing), I have no idea. Dammit, Rick, you did something similar with Piper, so no wonder you messed up here.

GRANDMOTHER ZHANG

The lady interchangeably uses Mandarin and Cantonese. She seems to mostly use Mandarin, but there was one point in SoN where she calls Juno a gwai po, which is an explicitly Cantonese way of derogatorily referring to a white woman who is middle-aged or older. How the lady came to know Cantonese, a southern topolect, when her ancestors are from Gansu, a northern province where residents speak Mandarin, I cannot be certain. I made a theory on this months ago, where I use immigration patterns to suggest she is descended from Gansu residents on her father's side and Cantonese immigrants from her mother's side, but it is definitely not canon and I would like Rick to explain. Refer to my Chinese Culture tag for the theories and headcanons about Frank's name and family history.

Her name: Disregarding even the immigration theory, it is not possible for Zhang to be her maiden name, or at least, it probably isn't. This implies that her husband is surnamed Zhang, and presumably died before he made an impact on Frank's life or even before he was born. But most Chinese people still go by their maiden names after they get married, so I might be able to get away with this by citing Carrie Lam, current Chief Executive of Hong Kong (and hated by a decent chunk of the population), as an example - Lam is her married surname, while Cheng is her maiden name, and she has chosen not to go by it, and that is understandable. But I am not a big fan of this because of how uncommon it is in real-life usage (as well as the example mentioned above being a possible contributing factor), so we are back to square one for this. [On top of her maiden name debate, we don't know her given name either. It is understandable that Frank exclusively refers to her as “grandmother”, even in narration, because that's the respectful thing to do - always call someone of higher standing than you (Confucianism is a huge part of Chinese culture and hierarchy is a big thing) by their title. But you can't live with someone for 15 years without knowing their real names. And funnily enough, no one in this fandom has given her a fanon name. I've definitely thought about it and cannot decide on anything.]

Her encouraging Frank to pursue a (future) relationship with Hazel: It's not really about Hazel's age here, but Frank's - the old lady is really traditional, but where I live, where ethnic Chinese people make up over 90% of the population, dating before university is frowned upon, because it takes time away from studying (education is highly valued in the Sinosphere), making dating a very 18+ thing, while Frank was 16 in SoN. The best explanation I can give is her being raised in a Western country (Canada) affecting her view on romance, when in Western countries, teenagers dating is perfectly acceptable behaviour. Even now, I have reservations on most of the cast being in a relationship at all - I made a post on this a little while back.

Her unknown current status: Is she alive? Is she dead? Who knows! Canon never says.

She reminds me of Mulan's grandma in Disney (1998 movie), and it's a little discomforting in hindsight because of the Expy trope.

(taken from the post of @lesbiansism) She's more stern and cold. Though there definitely are Chinese parents and guardians who prefer to practise tough love, it's about time to quit the stereotype, because Chinese parents and grandparents do come in all shapes and sizes - loving parents, abusive parents, stern parents, entitled parents, parents who aren't perfect but try their best, parents who are obsessed with their kids' grades, parents who are human.

Comparison with Aunt Rosa: This happened during Chapter 10 of HoH, referring to the death honouring customs of different cultures. Saying that the two would have got along… well, Rosa was literally abusive to her nephew. Not a great comparison, in hindsight.

EMILY ZHANG

We don't know much about her.

She is a minority, and she is dead. Not exactly great.

We don't know her Chinese given name either. It's not as important of a point, but as a Chinese person, it matters. And I don't see anyone giving her a name either… if anyone wants to give these two Chinese ladies Chinese names, I can definitely give a couple of pointers.

SHERMAN YANG

Only assumed to be Chinese from his surname.

From the little we know about him, the dude tried to bully a 12yo girl. Doesn't make a good impression at all, even if you're just a minor character.

Once again, surname pronunciation, where “Yang” in Mandarin sounds closer to “Young” than “Yank”.

BILLIE NG

Why I put her as Chinese is because of her surname, Ng, which is a rendering of several surnames in southern China, depending on the topolect. The traditional Chinese translation uses 吳, which is a Cantonese surname, and I headcanon her to be a Hongkonger like me, but it would also be interesting if she were from Macau, because Macau is more underrepresented in media than HK. She also happens to be a fairly overlooked character and has very few fanfics about her. But canon never states her to be Chinese, which is disappointing.

Hair dye: Many of us do not dye our hair, or not to her extent. Hair dye is sometimes used to lighten our dark hair to brown or reddish brown, or is used to hide greying hair from ageing; and hair dye is already frowned upon in Chinese culture by some because it “damages” the body given to us by our parents (ancient Chinese philosophical stuff, which is also why many Chinese people refuse to donate their organs after passing away). Her dying her hair BLUE is already unusual, and she is just in her teenage years! I do strongly support self-discovery as a teenager, but for this girl, I really hope that the dye is temporary and not permanent.

Makeup: It is not to say that the use of cosmetics is discouraged in modern China, since many skin-lightening products are sold (pale skin symbolizes being rich enough to not toil in the fields and get a tan, back in the old days), but makeup is usually to look natural and subtle and not be say, a clown. Seeing a likely East Asian girl with golden makeup is definitely a tad jarring, to say the least.

Apparel: Most teenagers do not dress like K-pop stars, not in the US, not in East Asia - we wear normal clothes like jeans and T-shirts. If they want to emulate pop stars, fine, they might go and learn Korean to understand their songs and stuff, but they wouldn't really do so in garish, “weird” ways like wearing a freaking silver coat. Also, wearing that in a Death Race? Impractical as heck - it might get dirty, and it would practically be a monster magnet since it's so distinguishable. [And since HK is farther south than most of the US, it is definitely less cold here and I'm surprised she's not kitted out in parkas and/or down coats if she hasn't lived there for long, though NYC being less humid than HK might make winters more bearable.]

The whole K-pop thing in general: Timeline wise, I don't think K-pop gained traction in HK or the world in general before 2012 (Gangnam Style), and ToA presumably took place in 2011. The gap isn't as big as other things like Love is an Open Door (2013) and Hamilton (2015+), but it's still there, but even I'm not so sure of this point, as I can barely remember anything from my childhood in general (I was about 8 when Gangnam Style became a thing). Culture wise, Rick might have accidentally helped promote Interchangeable Asian Cultures - for the record, South Korea is a three-to-four hour flight from Hong Kong and/or southern China. It's a whole different country. Implications are not really good here, okay? Someone even assumed that she's Korean when she “dressed like a K-pop star”, but her surname indicates that she's a Chinese person who speaks, or is descended from someone who speaks, a topolect/regional speech/“dialect”!

“Wisp” of a girl: It could imply being a “soft and delicate” Asian girl (stereotype).

We barely know anything about her.

Note to the fandom: I did not feel that represented with Frank, mainly because he's a canonical northerner, and one not as connected to his heritage at that. As a Chinese southerner… this is why I basically adopted Billie recently and have been part-time using her for projecting into the Riordanverse, partially because she barely as a canonical personality.

Japanese

GENERAL ISSUES

Do the Japanese characters in the series also have Japanese names? Many Chinese people take on Western names because it functions as a nickname and is more convenient for Westerners who cannot speak Chinese, but Japanese people rarely do this and many stick to their Japanese names.

All these characters have Japanese surnames but are not confirmed to be Japanese. Smh…

ETHAN NAKAMURA

He is not necessarily good rep for East Asians entirely, because he functions as an antagonist, and though “diverse” antagonists is always a bonus, being the one (1) East Asian in a book series with a mostly white cast while also being antagonistic carries some pretty unfortunate implications. And he also died. Not cool.

DREW TANAKA

Another East Asian with antagonistic tendencies. The most we know of her is that she is the go-to mean girl with the vanity and the heartlessness, which doesn't paint a very nice and sympathetic picture. She also doesn't have a lot of brains, which definitely goes against the “nerd” stereotype, but falls into the “Asian Airhead” trope. Also, her trying to get together with Jason, a guy who is most likely white… more unfortunate implications come flying out of the woodwork. And her lack of character development is… a little disappointing, tbh.

ALICE MIYAZAWA

We barely know her. The little we know about her is that she's a daughter of Hermes who enjoys pranking. Yeah, that might subvert traditional Japanese values, which places emphasis on hard work and persistence, and I am not sure if it is Rick's place or mine to break the party up. [I do not speak for Japan, and I am 100% not sure how accurate this is for Japan, but here in HK, we aren't big on pranking.]

Unclear

MICHAEL YEW

We don't even know if he is East Asian or not, since Yew can be a Western surname as well as an Eastern one, but for this, I am going off of the traditional Chinese translation again, which renders his name like an East Asian, and his surname with the specific transliteration of 尤, and the physical description of his hair and eye colour (dark hair, brown eyes) definitely sounds East Asian to me. Which begs the question of what kind of East Asian he would be - Han Chinese (specifically from Fujian, another southern Chinese province), Han Taiwanese, Mongolian, Miao (a subdivision being the Hmong people as Westerners would know them), or even Taiwanese Aboriginal. Personally, I am inclined to go with the non-Han minorities, because they are also underrepresented in media - archery is a traditional sport in Mongolia, some Miao people wield crossbows, etc. but I am not certain if this would help enforce stereotypes rather than break them. Personally, I would want more input from the fandom over this issue.

Also, he's kind of dead. That speaks for itself, and worse still that he is the first named casualty of the Battle of Manhattan.

MRS. CHASE

She is not exactly portrayed as sympathetic when concerning Annabeth and her childhood, not with disregarding her fears and not treating her equally like her blood children and stuff. And also the evil poc stepmother of our white protagonist - even more bad implications.

Conclusion

While any prejudice against East Asians in the Camp Half-Blood Chronicles is not as apparent as other cultures, there are definitely points in time where I would raise an eyebrow at Rick's decisions in regard to them.

On top of this, in this entire effing list, only 3/10 of the characters are confirmed East Asian. THREE OUT OF TEN. It's like queerbaiting but with racism instead of homophobia. At the same time, other than one (1) East Asian protagonist with less development, insight and attention placed on him than the rest of the cast, all the other East Asians are either dead, antagonistic, and/or minor characters to the point few acknowledge their existence. As Oversimplified would put it, “Dude, uncool.”

I personally doubt this list is complete, so if anyone wants to point anything out to me, I would gladly respond via inbox or notes section, and add any other suggestions given. Also, even if this list contains many headcanons and theories and canon complaint reasoning, it does not excuse Rick's bad writing on his part - as a canon-sympathetic person, I try to explain things in-universe, while as a canon-critical person, I criticize the meta reason why I had to explain such things in-universe and more.

I hope you gained a little more insight on the situation from this post. Even if the East Asians of the Riordanverse are more overlooked, being overlooked by itself is a form of racism and I seek to help correct all of this. My East Asian fam has been done dirty by Rick, though perhaps to a less significant extent than many others, but I believe it's about high time someone pointed this out.

[faffreux]

I want a list of your fanon fawful pet peeves

ALRIGHT, you will receive them. I AM PUTTING A DISCLAIMER HERE SO I DON'T STEP ON ANY TOES but please keep in mind you do not have to agree w/ me. This is how I feel!! These are my personal thoughts.

1. I can't stand when people woobify Fawful and that's not just doing the "uwu so cute tiny bean boi little precious bean" stuff but also extends to talking about his motivations as if he didn't know what he was doing, as if he's NOT an intelligent mastermind, etc. Fawful is an extremely competent villain and literally came closer than any of the Mario Bros other enemies to actually succeeding. He brainwashed himself an entire army and conquered two castles in the process. Finding him adorable is not the problem but more the way I see him portrayed by some fans that bothers me.

I think it’s also important to note that his character comes across as far more serious in EVERY other translation except English. A lot of people in the west take him less seriously bc of his speech patterns so I think we need to take that into account as well.

2. I hate when people think he's a child. I wanna make something clear though and that's that I see a huge difference between creating an au/interpretation of Fawful that's a child VS actually believing he's a child in canon. The first type is something I'm completely fine with but the second drives me absolutely mad, I'm sorry.

Take a good look at this and tell me again how you think you're looking at a child.

Fawful's age, like many other Mario characters, is extremely ambiguous and kept that way on purpose bc it's not really an important or defining characteristic. I've seen hcs of how old he is range from young adult all the way to a weird old guy (I'm personally somewhere in between and hc him as middle aged!) and all of these are perfectly valid in my book. But I just cannot handle somebody legitimately believing he's a kid and nothing's going to change my mind about that.

3. Mommy Cackletta. I can accept that the idea of Cackletta raising Fawful like a son is cute in theory but can't get behind it at all because it simply doesn't line up with what we see of the interactions between the two in Superstar Saga. Fawful is straight up treated like a servant/minion and even refers to himself as having been a "toady" to Cacketta once he realizes what he's actually capable of on his own. He also never speaks of her again after the events of the first game which would be more than a little odd if she was actually intended to be a mother figure to him, let's be honest.

THAT BEING SAID I WANNA THROW SOMETHING IN... I notice that a lot of the folks who like the idea of Momletta tend to also support the idea of Fawful being a child to make the HC work more. But I feel that in the process of doing this many of these fans often forget that Cackletta is an OLDER WOMAN. She gets around in a flying rocking chair for a reason! If anything, if we're going to go with that kind of relationship between her and Fawful it would make far more sense to imagine a badass witch in her 60s still toting around her momma's boy of an adult son.

Come on, I'm not the only one who thinks that's funny, right?? LMAO.

4. I mentioned this in a previous post but it bothers me when people use Fawful's foreign names as a last name ex. Fawful Gracowitz or Fawful Gerakobits. This is a small thing and more of a mild annoyance than anything else.

Y'know what?? I think that's honestly it off the top of my head for now. If I come up with any more I'll reblog this post and add on. THANKS FOR ASKING AND I'M SORRY I'M SO PASSIONATE ABOUT THIS I LOVE YOU ALL

[manonblaqkbeak]

Dating and Goodreads

Back for Day 8-Blind date (how the hell do u guys come up with good title fics i struggle so bad lol). I wasn’t really going anywhere with this one, but when i read all of the others and saw how fun the fics were, i decided to finish this one.

also for Summertime and Fresh Strawberries, I deliberately left it blank but I can’t hold onto the secret bc two people were curious as to what happened, so i’ll let the rest of you know that aelin and rowan decided to keep summer and be a cute little family, bc im a sucker for happy endings lol (unless its angst, it’s safe to assume that all my rowaelin fics have happy endings bc they’ve all ready been thru so much and even in alt fics i need them to be happy lmao)

anyway, on to the next one. hope you enjoy!

1.8k words

cw: none

Aelin was a confident woman, something that she was proud of. But that didn't mean that there weren't times she didn't feel self-conscious or awkward and full of doubt.

Because right now, all those negative feelings were swimming inside of her.

And those feelings were just magnified today, especially since she had gotten fired only a few hours beforehand. It was utterly unexpected, she had never received any prior warnings, and while she was a fighter, Aelin didn't feel like stepping into the ring for this one. Not when her boss was a demon from hell that made life unbearable and she had to physically push herself into entering the work building.

Aelin told herself that it was for the best. She was miserable there and hated working in an office typing up the worlds most boring reports and working in a space that was entirely too drab.

But she wasn't looking forward to job hunting. Aelin was aware that she could ask her friends for favours, but if Aelin did something wrong, she didn't want it reflected back onto whoever helped her.

And she was still a little peeved over the damned argument she had online again with that haughty prick on Goodreads. Aelin wasn't sure why those arguments kept going, but each time she would post a review, White Tailed Hawk would respond, telling her that she read the book wrong and this and that and blah blah blah.

Aelin repaid the favour each time, telling him how he was wrong and he had no reading comprehension skills. And on and on it went until Aelin or whoever the fuck that guy was went back to their own lives.

Depressingly, it was the most fun she had some days.

Shaking her head, Aelin forced herself to think of the now and not of her shitty day. Still she sighed, not quite believing that she had agreed to this blind date. Couldn't believe that she had let Aedion convince her it was a good idea.

Aelin had said no at first, after Aedion had voiced his offer, and her cousin left it at that. But days went past, and he would bring up the topic of Rowan, about the things he had said that day, how his dry sense of humour took some time to get used to but once you figured it out, he was actually pretty funny, how he had finished a project perfectly and this and that.

But it got to her, annoyingly. So the other day when he was helping her out with some housework that was a two person job, Aelin told him to set up this date. Aedion cheered as if it was the best thing he had ever heard, telling her how she and Rowan were the perfect match for each other.

Aelin rolled her eyes, but didn't say anything of the assessment.

She had only agreed because it was getting frustrating being asked at every family event if she was dating someone, when she was going to give her parents grandchildren (that question pissed her off the most, as if Aelin was nothing but a birthing machine and that was all Aelin could contribute to society), and who was going to look after her when she was old if she didn't have children (because apparently carers didn't exist).

Aelin was also lonely—she could entertain herself just fine, but she did like the idea of coming home and talking to someone that could respond. She loved Fleetfoot and her enthusiasm when Aelin came home, but human companionship would be nice.

But Aelin didn't have high-hopes for this date because the universe liked to kick Aelin's ass from time to time, she suspected that they were going to hate each other.

Taking a deep breath, Aelin got out of her car, smoothed down her romper and went inside the restaurant, head held high.

X X X X X X

Rowan couldn't believe that he was about to go on a blind date. That Aedion had convinced him to go out with his younger cousin. He hadn't dated anyone since Lyria and he knew that his dating skills were going to be rusty as hell. He had been with Lyria since they were nineteen, married at 23 and divorced at 31; he had been single for the last two years.

It had been...fine, a little strange, after being with someone for so long to find himself a bachelor. Rowan never thought that he would apart from Lyria, but their relationship had just faded. Long before the divorce, it had been more like a housemate relationship than a marriage. He wasn't surprised when his ex-wife had come home after work with divorce papers. He had only stared at the paperwork for an hour before he signed the forms. Truthfully, Rowan was just glad that he was still on good terms with Lyria, that they could still talk to one another from time to time.

Rowan had almost called her earlier today, to ask how the hell dates went, but felt that it would have been crossing some invisible line, so he didn't call and instead had Googled the questions instead.

They didn't really help.

Rowan drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, telling himself that if things went wrong, then it wasn't the end of the world. That if he had to be a bachelor for the rest of his life, then that was fine. He had plenty of ways of keeping himself busy—he had a good career, a nice house, plenty of books to read and to argue online about them with.

He had one earlier today, actually, with Queen of Wildfire about a new release that Rowan had eagerly read within days of its release. And once again, he ended up with an argument with the woman about the messages and themes within the book.

It was stupid, he knew, to be at his age and to be fighting online with a stranger, but something about this woman just had his fingers flying over the keyboard.

Some days he looked forward to it, as embarrassing as that was to admit. He didn't really want to look into himself to figure out what it all meant.

Eyes drifting to the dashboard, Rowan realised that his date was about to start. Popping a mint into his mouth and smoothing out his clothes, Rowan took a deep breath and left the car and went to his first date in twelve years.

Hopefully, it wouldn't be too bad.

X X X X X X

The date had started out a little awkward, but that wasn't a surprise to Aelin, because what blind date started smoothly?

It picked up after Rowan admitted that he was divorced and that he had no idea what the hell he was supposed to do. Aelin appreciated that stark honesty and admitted that she too had no idea what to do.

Since then, the conversation went well, the food was good and Aelin had even swiped a few bites of his dinner because it just looked so much better than hers. Rowan had playfully grumbled underneath his breath, but smiled as he said it.

It was going really well. Maybe the universe had decided to give her a break for the rest of this evening. There was a part of her that maybe wondered if they would have sex, because the man did look fucking fantastic, but at the same time, she didn't want to rush anything in case this actually turned into something more.

“What's the dumbest thing that you've done recently or in the past?” Aelin asked. There was no such thing as small talk between them—Aelin had all ready asked if he believed in aliens and was glad when he said yes, because “it's ridiculous to think that we're alone in this wide universe of ours. It makes sense that there'd be other lifeforms out there.” Which was pretty damned close to Aelin's reasoning as well, so asking him about stupid moments felt like nothing in comparison.

Rowan smirked at the question and took a moment to think before answering. “I engage in online arguments.”

“Really? About what, exactly?”

“It's stupid. But my all my arguments occur on Goodreads of all places. Not Facebook, or YouTube, or Twitter, but Goodreads. It's never anything insulting but just arguments about how wrong some people's in depth reviews are.”

“Fair enough,” Aelin said, “I've been known to do the same thing as you. There's this one user on there, White Tailed Hawk—a stupid name if you ask me—and he just never...” Aelin stopped when she noticed that he stopped eating and was just looking at her weirdly. “Rowan? Are you okay?”

“Do you, by any chance, go under the name of Queen of Wildfire?”

Aelin blinked, and then blinked again, and once the pieces fell into place, she knew right then and there that the universe really hated her. She let out a harsh laugh, the sound echoing throughout the space. Aelin wasn't really sure what to say, because it was true what he said; it had never been insulting, but ending up on a date with the man she had regularly arguments with was just...she had no words, other then, “It really is a stupid name.” She took a sip of her wine, needing to do something other than wanting to bang her head against the table.

“I couldn't think of anything else to write.” And it wasn't also his favourite animal, he had told her that earlier.

They lapsed back into the awkward silence of earlier, both picking at their food.

But Aelin didn't want this night to go to waste. “It'd be stupid to let something as small as this get in the way of whatever this could be,” Aelin said, deciding to be blunt.

Rowan nodded. “It would be. Although I have to be honest, you really have no idea what you're talking about when it comes to Call of the Wild Winds.”

Aelin just about stormed off when she noticed his playful smile, his eyes sparkling bright. Laughing, Aelin threw a bread-roll at his handsome face, and once he caught it and split it in half for them to share, they went back to their earlier conversation.

And when Rowan walked her to her apartment door and kissed her on the cheek goodnight with a promise to text her later, Aelin couldn't help herself by telling him that all his opinions sucked and that he had no idea what he was talking about—all with a big smile on her face as Rowan sputtered as she closed the door on his face.

They spent the rest of the night texting, and all of Aelin's earlier woes faded away. And she looked forward to tomorrow, despite the horror of job hunting. Maybe the universe will finally let things turn around for the better for her.

Aelin went to sleep with a smile on her face, all because of White Tailed Hawk.

And on the other side of the city, Rowan also fell asleep with a smile on his face.