#once monday comes and goes i'll feel so much better

[edwardbonnets]

im having stress headaches and 5 hour stress naps every day and i've completely decimated my thumb from chewing on it so much...........quintessential finals week vibes

[pink-tonic]

New Week and a New Nurse📰

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Warnings: Mentions of a minor injury, but nothing too graphic

Additional Note: I just want to say thank you all who have supported my story. Whether it's leaving notes, reposts, messages, or follows. I really appreciate it 🩷🩷 We are only around halfway through the story, so I hope you stick around for the future rivals. But thank you again for the support, I appreciate it very much ◝(ᵔᵕᵔ)◜

It's Monday, and I'm walking with Taeko and Taro to school. It's a very calm morning, and that's how I like it. The breeze is soft, and the light from the sun is welcoming. The weather is perfect. As we walk down the road, I can see familiar students walking to school. The area around me is filled with their chatter, and it's just as perfect as the weather. It's not too loud or too quiet. It's just perfect.

I'm not paying attention to what Taeko and Taro are talking about since I'm in my own world.

That is until I hear a noise.

"Are you okay, Taeko?" Taro asks his older sister.

I'm snapped out of my thoughts, and I look to the side, and I see Taeko on the ground. Taro goes over to her and helps her up.

"Yeah, but it hurts," she answers back once she stands up, "That's never happened to me..."

I look at her, but her knees catch my attention. Both of her knees are scraped.

"Teako, your knees are scraped," I point out as I walk over to her, "Let's head to the school and go to the nurse's office."

Teako looks down at her knees, and she winces at the sight of her knees.

"Yeah, let's hurry up and go."

We walk alongside Taeko, but at a slower speed since we don't want her to feel more pain.

It only takes a few minutes to get to the school, and we rush to the nurse's office, not bothering to switch out our shoes.

I open up the door for Taeko and Taro, and they both walk in.

"Miss Kankoshi, can you help us out?" I call out to the nurse as I close the door to the infirmary.

"Oh! Miss Kankoshi isn't here today," an unfamiliar voice reveals to us.

I step further into the infirmary, and on the other side of the room, I can see a man. I can see that he is cleaning something up, and broken glass is scattered around the ground.

I approach the man, while Taro goes over to a bed and helps Taeko sit down.

"Where's Miss Kankoshi?" I ask the unfamiliar man.

"Oh! She had a family emergency to take care of, so I'm the temporary nurse until she comes back. I'm Mr. Kina. It's nice to meet you!"

The man gets up from the ground and tosses the napkins to the side. I can now get a better view of him. He is wearing the normal white nurse uniform, he has light pink hair, kind violet eyes, and in general, he has soft and gentle features.

"Well, Mr. Kina, can you help out my friend? She scraped her knee and needs help," I explain to him the situation.

"Oh, of course I'll help!" He goes over to Teako and leaves the mess behind.

I look down at the mess on the floor, and I start to wonder how it happened in the first place.

I walk over to the others, and I can see Mr. Kina is examining Teako's knees.

"How did you fall in the first place?" Mr. Kina asks Teako.

"I... I don't know. I might have slapped on a rock or something, I'm not too sure."

"Well, you'll heal fast! This isn't anything too serious!" Mr. Kina reassures her, "Ummm... could you give me the rubbing alcohol and cotton?"

Mr. Kina points to me, and I nod my head. I go over to one of the cabinets and look through it. I soon find what I'm looking for. I've been in the nurse's office many times, so I know where mostly everything is.

I walk over to Mr. Kina and I hand over what he asked for.

"I didn't even need to tell you where it was!" He asks with surprise.

"I've been here many times, so I kind of know where everything is," I explain to him.

"Oh! Well, I hope to see you soon then," he tells me before helping to tend to Teako's knees.

What did he mean by that? Wouldn't he wish not to see me? I must be looking too into his words. I'm sure he meant nothing by it.

While Mr. Kina is tending to Teako's wound, he makes me go and look for what he needs. It makes me feel like an assistant more than anything.

Finally, Mr. Kina ends up putting bandages on Teako's scrapes.

"Okay, you should be fine now!" Mr. Kina tells Taeko as he gets up.

I see Taeko look down at her knees. She moves her legs around, but I can tell from her face that her knees still hurt.

"The bell is about to ring. How about we start heading to class?" Taro asks his sister.

Taeko nods her head and responds, "Yeah, I can rest in my classroom. Let's go."

Taro and Taeko go to leave, and I'm about to leave as well, but the nurse's voice catches me by surprise, and I stop.

"Um... so you know your way around the office, right?" He asks me softly. Almost as if it took all his courage just to ask the simple question.

I turn to look at him and nod, "Yeah. I've been here many times, so I know where most things are."

"Oh! Yes, you did tell me that. But I was wondering something," Mr. Kina pauses, unsure whether or not he should ask me the question, "Can you be my assistant?"

He gives me a gentle smile, and his eyes are filled with what looks like hopefulness. Hoping that I would agree to be his assistant.

"Why? Can't you have the headmaster help you?"

"He is a very dismissive man, and none of the teachers would know anything. I think you would be the best for it. So can you?"

I want to turn down his offer, but I do feel a bit bad for the nurse. It's clear he doesn't know much. He is clumsy and naive.

"Sure, I wouldn't mind, Mr. Kina."

"Thank you…"

"(L/N)."

"Thank you, (L/N)."

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

"Really?" Taeko asks me, almost dropping her chip on the ground from how surprised she was.

I shrug my shoulders and respond, "I felt bad for him, you know?"

"Not really."

I let out a sigh and answer back, "He is really clumsy, Taeko! Didn't you see what he was doing before we came in?"

"What was he doing?" Taro asks, now interested in the conversation.

"He was cleaning something up in the next room, and there was broken glass everywhere! I felt bad, so I decided to help him, and it's only for his week," I further explain to them, I was mostly hoping that Taeko would understand better.

"Okay, so when are you supposed to help him?" Taeko further asks.

"I'm going to have to skip this week's club meeting, but-"

I'm cut off by Taeko.

"So what are we going to do while you're gone?" Taeko asks me, worried about what would happen to the club.

"We just won't do any meetings this week," I answer with a small shrug,"It's not a big deal to skip a week. You'll be fine. Just take this week off."

"Well, if you say so..."

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

It's after school, and it's time for me to help Mr. Kina. I'm sure this will be easy.

When I walk into the infirmary, I'm met with a confusing sight.

I see Mr. Kina wrapped up in a bunch of bandages. For a moment, I am too stunned to move or speak. How was this even possible to do?

I'm snapped out of my confusion once Mr. Kina speaks up. "Could you help me?" Mr. Kina asks me timidly, embarrassed that I found him in such a state.

"Y-Yes, yes, of course," I quickly answer before going over to him. The bandages were wrapped around his legs and his hips. From the looks of it, he was trying to get out of them, but failed and wrapped himself into the bandages even more.

I try my best to unwrap the bandages, and eventually, I'm able to get them off of him.

"Oh! Thank you so much, (L/N)! I don't know what I would have done without you!" Mr. Kina thanks me while giving me his usual soft smile.

"No, problem. But how did that even happen in the first place?" I ask him, wondering how a grown man was able to get himself tangled up in some bandages.

Mr. Kina lets out a nervous laugh, "It's kind of a long story, but to spare you the details, I'm just a very clumsy person."

That wasn't too surprising. The first time I met him, he was cleaning up a mess he made, so I guess getting himself wrapped up in bandages isn't too out of the ordinary for him.

"So, what do you want me to help you with?" I ask, moving on to another topic.

"Oh! Yes, could you show me around the office? I know I've been in here all day, but I would like to know where everything is. Since I've forgotten."

"Okay! I guess we should start over here," I walk over to the nurse's desk, which is right by the cabinets.

"This is your desk, and this is where the syringes can be found," I go to open up one of the drawers, where the syringes are kept.

I then go behind the desk and open another drawer. "In this drawer, this is where the basics things can be found. The bandages, alcohol, cotton balls, feminine products, and pregnancy tests."

I then walk away from the desk and over to the cabinets. "This is obvious, but this is where all the medication is kept, and it should be locked at all times."

I keep going around the office and showing Mr. Kina everything. Most of what I tell him is obvious information that he should already know, but I decide to go over it with him so he doesn't forget about it.

"That should be everything I think," I tell him, ending my introduction of everything.

"Thank you for that!" Mr. Kina tells me with joy, "I think I have a better understanding of everything since you explained it."

"Of course, that's why I'm here after all," I tell him,"Okay, I should be heading home now. I'm sure nobody is going to come in right now."

I go to grab my bag that I left on a nearby chair, but Mr. Kina's voice makes me turn around.

"You know, I wouldn't mind if you came by during lunchtime," he shyly offers me.

I think over his offer. On one hand, I would spend less time with Taeko and Taro, but on the other hand, I think it's best I'm here to support Mr. Kina.

"Sure, I wouldn't mind helping you out during lunchtime."

"That's wonderful, thank you."

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

I'm now walking back home, and for the first time in months, I'm walking back home by myself.

As I walk through the neighborhood, I feel something. Almost as if someone is watching me. I shrug it off, thinking it was just my paranoia taking over my senses.

But the feeling never goes away.

As I'm about to enter my home, I take a quick look behind me. And I don't see anything. Nobody is near me.

My paranoia is definitely getting to me.

[andmaybegayer]

Last Monday of the Week 2024-05-06

Forgotten how to be

Listening: Band Camp Fri Day. Haul listed here.

I'd be lying if I said some of the appeal of Perennial is sublimated Friends at the Table vibes. Skeleton Dance is so good. The In Other Waters soundtrack is one of those albums where sometimes you just get overcome with a desire to hear a particular track because you are feeling a certain way. Baby is so loud. Love them all.

Reading: Stared A Memory Called Empire, I always forget how much I love big stupid space operas with complicated cultural and technological and social bullshit, I need to read more of these.

Extremely bold move opening with a character whose weird quirk to us is that she has a consciousness riding shotgun in her brain and then to twist it by taking that away.

I sometimes get. Not annoyed, but curious, about the idea of a story that plays its weird world straight. So often a story is about a fantastical world and something is going horribly awry there. This is good, this is storytelling, but like, it would be fun to read about a Homestuck Session that goes completely according to the game, or a Hunger Games year where no one became a symbol of rebellion, or the fourth dimensional chess of an emissary to the Space Empire conducting her business as usual. There's enough drama in there to write a book. This is nothing.

Watching: More Gundam, Amuro has deserted. I feel like something big is coming.

Playing: figured out how to easily do the Beat Saber link from my PC, unfortunately currently in Windows. Beat Saber actually runs fine from Linux but coercing the link without it crashing constantly is a bit more finicky because you can't get a good virtual desktop up. I'll have to work on that.

I am having a good time with Beat Saber, it scratches a lot of itches at once, I like games of precision and timing and reflex, and it's also really rewarding to get better at something.

Making: Working on the us-demeanor, a little dumb timer watch based on ms-demeanor's post. I might still get it made even if it isn't needed just as a PCB design thing, I haven't made a PCB in a while and with some tweaks it would be a nice smart-watch platform.

A couple big tyre-kicking days with the new camera, once doing some video at Hurka metro, another shooting birds and wildlife in the park. So very good at being a camera, astounding.

Tools and Equipment: When quickly putting something together, avoid new things as much as possible, so that you can do the actually interesting thing faster.

[princesspastel8]

Chapter 39

Third POV

It's Monday. The beginning of the week. Most are optimistic, hoping the week would be better than the last. Not Eboni, though. She wishes for the weekend to return so she can spend her days in her bed doing absolutely nothing.

After everything that took place, Eboni blocked Taylor on everything - heart heavy as she did so. Eboni was also informed by Tiffany that they'll be returning today later in the evening. The teen is thankful towards Luna and Iris for cleaning up her room. She didn't want her foster parents to question why her room was a complete mess. But she would have to make up some lie for why most of her favorite belongs got destroyed.

Eboni is riding to school on her rollerblades, dressed in a hoodie and sweatpants. Once there, she puts her hood over her head, desperate to go unnoticed by a certain guy. She quickly grabs the books needed for her first three classes and changes her shoes, stuffing her rollerblades into her locker. When Eboni goes to shut her locker, a hand appears above her - pressing the locker shut.

Her body tenses, knowing exactly who's behind her base on the feeling of his body pressed against hers. The male stares down at the teen with unblinking eyes, drinking in her appearance. The blonde grins, leaving down to whisper in her ear.

"Hey, Ebs. I missed you. How come you haven't replied to my message?", Alex questions.

Eboni doesn't answer, her body freezing. No matter how much she pleases for her body to move him away, it won't comply. Alex frowns, pressing his body against her much rougher - causing Eboni's body to be pressed against the lockers.

"Ebs. I asked you a question, I don't like getting ignored - you know that better than anyone. Remember the tantrums I would do if you weren't giving me enough attention?"

"Th-Those tantrums..g-got you beatings." Eboni stutters out, malice laced in each word.

"But it was wooooorth it! Wanna know why? Because you'd always come to my rescue and give me the attention I wanted all along." Alex giggles.

"Y... You sick f -"

Alex moves to grab Eboni's hair, a few students watching the interaction, but thought nothing of it. His smile stretches, grip tightening. "Me? Sick? My love for you is sick, Ebs? That's soooo mean! Any idea how I felt when I went back to my room and you were gone? The abandonment - the rejection you forced upon me? And how you didn't respond to none of my messages - not a single one. That hurt me so... so badly, Eboni. But it's ok! I forgive you!"

Eboni's heartrate spikes. She has the power to shove him away, but she can't. Her body is frozen in place - breath hitch once he presses himself fully against her. He plants kisses against her neck, and she feels his length grow hard.

"Fuck Ebs. I want you right here, right now."

That was enough to snap Eboni out of her fear stricken state. "NO!" She screams, elbowing him in his stomach and pushes him away - her body falling against the lockers as she pants heavily.

Alex's eyes narrow, close to hitting the girl again until he notices the crowd. So he smiles, lowering himself down and holding his hand out. "My bad, Ebs, I forgot how scared you are of bugs. I was joking! There wasn't a spider on your shoulder." He laughs, rubbing the back of his neck.

Eboni's eyes dart around her, judgemental and questioning stare back at her. She looks at his hand, slowly shaking her head. She's so close to screaming, so close to falling apart right then and there.

"E-Eboni...h-here I'll help you up." Iris said softly, ignoring Alex while gently helping the teen up from the floor.

Alex watches with that fake blinding smile, nodding his head. "Oh! You're the girl that's always around Taylor. She never introduced us! I'm Al-"

"I-I know who you a-are." Iris stutters, bringing Eboni close and taking her hands into her shaky ones. "A-And I would appreciate th-that you stay away f-from my friend. S-She's uncomfortable a-around you."

"Really? Uncomfortable? Why is that?" Alex questions, playing coy.

This truly shakes Eboni to her core, "Because y-"

"She thinks ya raped ha!- can ya believe it?" Taylor joins in, taking Alex side.

Alex eyes widen only slightly, glancing around at the crowd. Most didn't believe what was said. Others look doubtful. The blonde laughs, shaking his head. "Really? I mean, we had a few drinks and had a little fun. Nothing to wild though - right, Ebs? I'd never do anything you weren't begging for."

Eboni didn't say anything. She keeps her head low, clinging onto Iris for dear life. Taylor didn't like that at all. "He takin' ta ya Ebs. Can't ya hear?"

Iris glares at Taylor, her heart aching at the way her former dear friend is acting. "St-Stop it, Taylor. This is p-pathetic even f-for you.." the goth states boldly. "Let's g-go Eboni."

"Never took you as a fearless type, Iris. That's kinda cute. But I'll see you around Ebs!" Alex said, leaning down to kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear. "Behind the school near the dumpsters. Don't show up, and our night of fun will be displayed throughout the whole school - got it?"

Eboni nods reluctantly, breath caught in her throat. Alex smiles, leaning away, and walks off to his first class with Taylor right behind him. Eboni watches with widen eyes, knees giving way - the girl falling to the ground. Iris is by her side, trying to help her up, but Eboni doesn't budge. Her life hasn't come to this... right?

The rest of the day went by rather quickly. Eboni's mind wasn't present for most of it, dozing off in class and zoning out - trying to distract herself from her meeting with Alex. She would've said no if he didn't insinuate having possible pictures and videos of what took place in his bedroom. She wants to feel doubtful, but at this point, he seems crazy enough to do something like that.

At the final bell, Eboni rushes to the back of the school , wanting this meeting to end quickly. She sees Alex leaning against the brick wall. The blonde turns his head, smiling happily at Eboni. He meets her halfway, his smile hiding the horrors about to leave his lips.

"Be my girlfriend."

Eboni blinks, backing away a bit. "Wh-What?"

"You heard me, Ebs. I don't like repeating myself." He scoffs, rolling his eyes. "Come on. Just be mine."

Eboni is petrified. She can't be Alex's. She wants nothing to do with the man who raped her. She belongs to Jeff. Her mind, body, soul - everything belongs to Jeff. Her physic won't allow her to think otherwise, let alone consider anyone else to fill Jeff's place. That's just not possible, so in response, she shakes her head.

Alex raises a brow, pouting his lips. "Does that killer have that strong of a hold on you? Come on, Ebs, I'm so much better."

"Why would I want to be with the guy that drugged and RAPED ME!?" she screams.

Alex grabs Eboni, slamming her body against the brink wall, and places his hand over her mouth. "Tsk Tsk tsk. I didn't rape you, Ebs. I displayed my feelings in a more intimate way. Can't you accept it?"

Eboni shakes her head, struggling to leave Alex's hold. Her body suddenly feels so weak. His grip tightens, his frown deep and eyes cold. "I didn't want to resort to option two." He sighs, reaching into his pocket and pulls out his phone. He goes to his gallery and clicks on a video, his moans coming from the speaker.

He shows the video to Eboni, smiling sickly. "See this, Ebs? It's US! Though you can't really see my face - everyone can see yours. Ahhh~ just watching this makes me hard! Anyways, be my girl, or I'll leak this video all over school - or better yet, on the internet! It's your choice." He hums, pulling away from her.

Eboni slides down the wall, breathing heavily as the reality of the situation sets in. Her only - only hope is for Jeff to somehow get rid of Alex while invading suspicion from the police. With that in mind, the teen stands to her feet, looking at Alex with all the courage she can muster.

"Y-Yeah... Yeah, fine.." she said, voice shaky.

Alex beams, scooping Eboni into a tight hug and showering her face with kisses that make the girl cringe. "Aaahh!! Finally! You're finally mine, Ebs! I've been waiting years for this!" He pulls away, checking his phone for the time. "Shit! Late for practice! I'll see you tomorrow, Ebs!" He cheers, kissing her cheek and waving - skipping away

Eboni feels the disgust settle in, causing her stomach to bubble. She leans forward and vomits. She heaves, quickly slipping on her rollerblades and rushes back home, fighting back tears and more bile raising in her throat.

Once home, she yanks her rollerblades off, rushing past her foster parents and into the guest bathroom and throws up again into the toilet - throat burning and mind buzzing. Tiffany rushes to her side, trying to help the girl from the floor. Eboni moves to sit on the toilet after flushing it, staring down at the white tile floor.

"Oh my goodness, Eboni! What's happening, dear?" Tiffany questions with Daniel leaning against the doorframe.

Eboni is torn. Should she tell them? They're rich, one of the richest in town. They'll have the money to hire the best lawyer. Sure, Eboni would have to go through the publicity she wants to avoid - but at least she would finally be away from him. That seems the more reasonable route than having Jeff kill him.

She looks at Tiffany, forcing herself to speak through her burning throat. "I...I-I was raped.." she whispers, but Tiffany caught on.

She gasped, moving closer to Eboni, pushing the hair out of her face. "By who Eboni? Tell us, and we'll handle it."

"Alex...Alexander Willson."

Both parents' eyes widen before they become lace with uncertainty. Tiffany backs away, straightening herself up. "Oh...well dear, tell us the full story."

Eboni explains every detail from beginning to end, not leaving anything out, except for Jeff. The parents share a look, Daniel quick to take his leave back into the living room. Tiffany sighs, placing her hands on the girl's cheek. She smiles warmly, but her words bring a dagger through Eboni's heart.

"Are you sure dear? It seems like both of you had drinks, and you just had more than you can handle. Even if we go to the police, not much could be done. So maybe....its not as bad as you made it out to be? Just had a few drinks to many, and you got carried away. That's all right?"

Eboni stares at Tiffany, the hope she had in her foster parents fading completely. Of course, they didn't believe her. They don't want to taint their image within the media. They're rich, after all, and everything they do reflects their image - including taking in problem children.

Eboni pulls away, standing from the toilet, and goes to the sink to clean out her mouth. Tiffany watches nervously, moving to place a hand on the teen's shoulder. "I'm making dinner.It'ss almost re-"

Eboni shrugs her hand off, shooting a glare her way. "Not hungry." She growls out, storming past her and into her room.

Eboni slames her bedroom door, locking it as well. She moves to her computer desk, glad to see her laptop isn't damaged. She pulls it out, typing away at Google to find ways to somehow get out of the situation she's in - all pointing to going to the police but that's now out of the question. Her only source of hope is Jeff, who she hasn't heard from all day. She pulls out her phone, refusing to believe that he has abandoned her over something she lost control of.

Eboni: Jeff....he asked me to be his girl. I SAID NO...at first. But..but he has a video. His face isn't in it, but mine is. My foster parents don't believe me, so I can't go to the police....please Jeff, I need you. Please do something..please help me.."

As Eboni types out her message, she notices drops of water land on her phone screen. She touches her face, feeling her soak cheeks. Crying yet again. Eboni sends the text, curling up in her bed and holding her stuffed bunny close. As her tears soak her pillow, she prays for Jeff to reply as soon as possible. Who knows how long she can withstand everything....until she gives up.

Unbeknownst to Eboni, two men watched everything that took place within the home from the windows. One was able to hear the conversation thanks to bugging the house while everyone was away. The man jumps from the window, walking towards the forest where the other man stands waiting.

"H-He should know what's happening." Toby said, a tick affecting his speech.

Hoodie nods, glancing at Eboni's window before the two begin their walk back to the mansion. "That bad?"

Toby nods, placing his hands into his pockets. "Her rapist won't leave her alone. Her incompetent parents don't be-believe her, and well... there's no way for h-her to contact Jeff. Sh-She looks like she'll break any second."

"Mhm.....why inform Jeff of this?" Hoddie ask as they go behind the mansion and open a trap door leading underground.

Toby walks down first while Hoodie closes the door behind them. "To give him a reason to be on his best behavior while he's stuck down here. T-Th-Th-The worse he acts, the longer he's stuck there."

Hoodie nods, walking into the control room station above the white room. Toby slips on the light switch and turns on the controls, live footage showing Jeff still in the straitjacket. The blindfold was removed from his eyes yesterday, but a metal mouth guard is placed on him due to the smiling killer biting anyone that touches him or tries feeding him food. Toby switches on the microphone so Jeff will be able to hear him through the speakers.

"Jeff."

He doesn't respond, eyes cast downward - body hunched over. Toby sighs, pitching the bridge of his nose. "I-Its Toby." Jeff responds with a shrug.

"L-Look, I'm here on E-Eboni's behave - so it's best to l-listen to what I'm about to s-say," Toby said, hoping the girl's name would bring some type of respond.

And it does. Jeff sits up, staring straight into the camera. He doesn't try to stand, but he nods his head, wanting Toby to continue.

"Sl-Slend...Master ordered me to watch her for the rest of the month. It's November, by the way. A-Anyways, I'm not sure why... but that girl looks like she's about to b-break any second. H-Her parents don't believe her. A-And her Rapsit won't l-leave her alone."

Jeff's eyes narrow, forcing himself to stand as he begins shouting through his mouth hard, but everything is muffled. This is what the killer was worried about. He knows his girl - he knows Eboni. There's only so much she can take, so much she can handle. The fact that the boy that hurt her won't leave her alone ignites that white hot fury from before.

"Calm. D-Down." Toby said.

Jeff stares at the camera, wanting so badly to destory it, but he listens - trying to stop his body from shaking. Toby clearly has more to say.

"I-I'm telling you, n-not because I like you i-in any way, but because I-I know how it f-feels..." Toby explains, his ticks getting stronger. "Th-The same happened to m-mine. I w-w-was-not able t-to protect her b-because.....a-anyways just get your sh-shit together so you can help Eboni out of her n-nightmare. I-I'll make sure she doesn't do a-anything rash." With that said, Toby shuts off the speaker, both him and Hoodie leaving the control room.

Jeff sits back down, moving to lay on his back as he stares at the white cushions ceiling. He closes his eyes, taking Toby's words into consideration. As much as he hates to say that ticking freak is right - he is. He should've better controlled himself that day for Eboni's sake, yet he still doesn't regret his actions. Despite this conclusion, he'll follow Toby's advice. Once the smiling killer does, he'll be released and able to, as Toby stated, help Eboni out of her nightmare.

[karenandhenwillson]

One last post from my side about this

I've been pondering how to do this post for the last couple of days, and also if I should write it at all. My thoughts went from being really vicious and unrepentantly calling out a couple of people to just not bother with wasting my energy on it to feeling very unsatisfied with some of the things that have been said or not been said despite also being relieved about the turn this situation took on Tuesday.

(The rest is under the break because this turned out long. Much longer than I expected.)

I honestly believe that any kind of call out post is always a form of cyberbullying. Because in the end, what you are doing with that in social media isn't informing people about a problem. What you are doing is trying to get people blindly to agree to your point of view by twisting the information you present. And sadly, all too often it works. 

It did work this time, too. I have seen several people state, publicly but also privately, that they saw one of the call-out posts from Monday and reblogged without looking at the publicly available conversation with the artist. When they then looked at it later, they were appalled with themselves to have blindly followed the accusations. I hope for those people and also at least a fracture of the people seeing their posts about it, this is a lesson: Always double check the information you are fed. (And honestly, that goes for news outlets as much as any social media post. But I don't want this post to be about media literacy.)

I'm aware that this is a kind of call out post all on it's own. The version of this post from Monday would have named all the names and at that time I wouldn’t have felt sorry about it. But that's the thing about reacting and posting something while the emotions are high, isn't it? A version from Tuesday doesn't exist, because I thought it not worth the energy and time the would be spend on it.

In the meantime, I have come to the conclusion that while I will be addressing a certain group of people, this post wouldn't have ever been about them, not even the first version from Monday. It's about fandom as a whole, preserving information for those who'll join the fandom in the future or who'll be attacked or witness an attack in the future or those who'll stumble over what happened this last week later on who are completely unaware of it right now. Because thankfully, for the fandom as a whole it didn't go very far.

I'm aware that in a way, I'm contradicting myself, that I might be participating in cyberbullying with this post. I'm rationalizing this for myself by the circumstances that it's a conclusion of a bullying campaign and that I won't feel responsible for those who started it being now attacked themselves. Some people will tell me I'm still wrong, some will shrug about it, others will agree with me. It is the reason, though, that I have decided not to name any names even though it will be stupidly easy to find the names I'm talking about. For that reason, I have cropped the screenshots I'll share about things I feel I need or want to address or blacked out the names on those screenshots.

To everyone who'll feel encouraged to seek out those names and spam their ask boxes or DMs with provocations or hate: Don't do it! It might feel satisfying in the beginning (the thought alone of the Monday-version of this post felt on Monday very satisfying for me, too), but it won't accomplish anything. They have proven they don't want to have a conversation, no matter how much they claim differently. Nothing will make them overthink and judge their own actions. (Also, I hope not providing the names here will make most of those who first like leaving anon hate to have lost interest once they have found the names because it will give them time to think better of it.)

And of course, the people who started this, have repeatedly stated they don't believe a call out post to be bullying. So they really won't be in a position to have a problem with this post. (They still will cry about it and claim the unfairness of it all, no doubt.)

An anon sent this to someone involved in this debate:

I've realised that I will never convince anyone by publicly shaming them. I might be able to silence them, but I won't convince them.

I fully agree with these words. I think everyone involved in this situation should take these words to heart. In other posts of the last view weeks, I already shared some thought about communication and teaching. I’ll elaborate on those thoughts in a later part of this post.

I realized this post is getting long. So I'm breaking it up in several parts and I'll add links to this post as soon as the other posts are up.

The actual call out part of this whole thing

Some thoughts about learning and communication

The usual aftermath

[mlmvoreconfessionals]

Oh gosh, I just saw some of your Brewster cv and was hopin' to see a bit more of that

I bet I can do more for him! Love doing some more lore-heavy ideas with characters and expanding on ideas.

N.ook lets out a pleased sigh as he polishes off the last of his coffee. He loved coming to B.rewster's--he was there every morning right before work. But his favorite coffees were the ones on Monday when B.rewster stocked his special coffee creamer. Even N.ook didn't know what the bird did to make it, but it was so good, he hardly needed to care. It made the cafe rather busy every Monday, of course, as just about everyone around had the same feeling as N.ook did--they couldn't get enough of the limited special. Although, the tanuki couldn't help but finally ask "I'd love to know how you make your coffee creamer."

B.rewster pauses from cleaning the cup in his wing. Hm...this was a slight problem. Normally, anyone who asks that, he uses for his next batch. It keeps curious eyes away and makes sure he has a plentiful stock. But this is different. N.ook has been one of his most loyal customers since the day he opened his shop. Not only is he a great customer, but he's an old friend, too. And he always drinks his coffee at the perfect temperate--he's never once let it cool. Turning him into cream would be a bit of a harder choice. But another idea comes to the pigeon. Perhaps...

"...why don't you come to my shop after closing? I may be able to...show you my secret recipe then...but you have to promise to keep it to yourself."

N.ook beams at the offer and gently clasps his paws together. "Lovely. I'll see you then, yes, yes."

The rest of the day goes on well, and B.rewster keeps an eye on everyone and everything until closing time. He flips the sign to closed when the last patron leaves but doesn't lock up--N.ook is there not ten minutes after closing, let in by the pigeon, who locks the door behind him.

"...follow me, please." With a gesture of his wing, B.rewster heads into the back of his shop with N.ook following behind. Today's cream had been a special one, since it was a V.aletine's day special. That cute couple--C.hip and F.lick--had practically begged the bird about his cream's recipe Sunday night. And of course, B.rewster obliged them. He'd never taken two at once, but such a loving couple was bound to make a special treat for the holiday. The pigeon shudders a bit thinking about how wonderful they felt as they cried for one another while melting down. What he wouldn't give to do it again...

Unfortunately, he can't. All that remains of the two of them is what's left sitting in the empty canisters he uses to store his cream. Clothes and bones, mostly, which he shows to N.ook once the two of them reach the back. The tanuki seems confused for a second but his eyes widen in recognition soon. "Is that..?"

"...they asked how I make my special cream," B.rewster explains. He starts cleaning the containers out, pouring the undigested bits into a bin where he stored many more cum-soaked bones and clothes. "...just like everyone else. And of course, I showed them...but you know how it is with trade secrets. Can't let them get out."

N.ook, understandably, looks nervous now. He takes a slight step back. "So then...you're going to..?"

B.rewster perks up and looks at the tanuki. "Oh, heavens, no! It's only Monday night--the cream is best at its freshest, and I only sell it once a week. No...I'm here to offer a business opportunity for you."

N.ook's ears perk up just a bit at the mention of that and he pauses. B.rewster got his attention, just like he expected. "What...kind of business opportunity?"

"...you see, I was thinking we could work together on this. I've heard many good things about tanuki cream--it might be even better than what I produce. With your help, business will skyrocket here, and I can sell twice as much cream."

"You're asking me to digest your customers--our neighbors, the people I'm responsible for, yes, yes?" N.ook gently taps his paws together. "I don't know if--"

"...it's either that or I'll have to sell tanuki flavored cream next Monday," B.rewster says. "And I'd rather not do that to my best customer. On top of that, you'll be given half the profits on Monday."

N.ook perks up immediately at that again and his tail swishes ever so slightly. Any qualms or worried he seemed to have about this were suddenly gone. He takes B.rewster's hand and shakes it with a smile. "Then it'll be a pleasure doing business with you, yes, yes."

Come the following Sunday, N.ook and B.rewster sit in the back of the shop, their bloated nuts churning and groaning wetly over a couple of squirming meal. B.rewster is quite used to this, but N.ook's panting and huffing shows that he's not. "Don't let him out early," B.rewster advises. "You have to wait for that exactly moment that his body is reduced to a slurry before release. And make sure you get it all in the canister! Can't waste a drop!"

"Y-Yes, yes..." N.ook pants. He was having a hard time not stroking his cock, which is already dripping pre like a faucet. "I-It's a shame...about those dodo brothers, though. We'll...need new pilots..."

"I'm sure you'll find someone," B.rewster reassures. "You always do. Besides, this will be a wonderful test to see which cream is more popular--I imagine twins tend to taste the same."

Come Monday, the coffee shop would be bustling from morning to night. N.ook's cream was a massive success, and it was driving up business like crazy. B.rewster was starting to realize he might not be able to keep the cream as a one-day treat. He swears that half his customers were asking about the new batch and how it was made!

...well, perhaps there's no harm in turning it into a regular thing. There's always new customers coming in every day. And with N.ook as his business partner...B.rewster has nothing to worry about. He's sure the tanuki will be more than happy to do this every night with him from now on.

[that-sarcastic-writer]

4k followers celebration

Wow okay well the fact that there's 4k people who liked me and my work enough to follow me is actually so incredibly crazy to me! Like I can't even describe how grateful i am! So I thought I'd do a lil smutty weekend celebration! As a little thank yog

It goes without saying that minors dni beyond this point. I'll be open to doing the following:

Smutty goodies

Pick one-three of the following smutty lines for a 500-1k word drabble.

"Arch your back for me."

"You look better with my hands around your neck."

"Swallow it. All of it."

"God, you feel so fucking good."

"Suck on it."

"Open your legs for me, baby. I wanna see you."

"Don't hold back."

"That noise...keep making it."

"Wrap your legs around my waist."

"Let's make this quick."

"Don't close your eyes, baby. Look at me."

"You're mine."

“Faster—ah shit—harder…”

“Huh…uh…keep going."

"Don't be gentle with me—I like it when you're rough."

"One more time! Please!"

"Fuck—uh! I love it when you touch me like that."

❛ you can't expect me to do all the work. i want to see what that pretty mouth of yours can do. ❜

❛ do you really think you’re in a position to give orders? ❜

❛ we're going to fuck right here? what if someone sees us? ❜

❛ do whatever you want with me, i'm yours. ❜

❛ you keep your hands where they are or i'll tie them up. ❜

❛ you want gentle? wrong fucking address. ❜

❛ have a little trust in yourself, i know you can take it. ❜

❛ i'm waiting for your permission to let me have my way with you. ❜

❛ i don't care if someone sees us. i need you, now. ❜

❛ i can see you enjoy having the upper hand for once. ❜

❛ let me come in you, please. i want to fill you up. ❜

❛ now, i'll ask again, are you going to be good for me? ❜

❛ we both know how much you're going to enjoy this. ❜

❛ i'm sorry, what was that? i can’t hear you over all that noise you’re making. ❜

❛ so good for me. look how much you came. ❜

❛ i can take care of you. you won't need anyone but me. ❜

❛ i'm simply enjoying the view. it's not every day i get to fuck someone so pretty. ❜

❛ you're so good for me, so fucking good around me, fucking made for me. ❜

❛ you came so fast, i barely even touched you. ❜

❛ as much as i'd love to have you choking on me, i'm impatient and there's something else i want more. ❜

❛ missed my touch that much, did you? ❜

❛ someone's needy. ❜

❛ you taste like heaven. ❜

❛ i'm going to put that mouth of yours to good use. ❜

❛ you're fucking gorgeous like that, spread out like a good girl who just wants to be eaten. ❜

❛ you'll be begging for me by the time i'm through with you. ❜

Smut prompt credits @delusionisaplace & @nightprompts

What do you kink

Pick a character and their kink(s), and I'll tell you about them. Either headcannons or drabble.

Wild card

A combination of both above, NSFW alphabet, what they're like as bfs, headcannons or just any of your filthy thoughts you'd like to share with me!

Characters I'm open to writing: Leon Kennedy, Dean W, Soldier Boy, Russell Shaw, Billy Russo, Matt Murdock, Armando Aretas

Anyone is welcome to participate! I only ask (and implore) that you are 18+, I do not want to write spice requested by minors.

I'll be open to requests until Monday! It'd mean the world to me to share this milestone with you guys!

Happy sinning.

[kaibutsushidousha]

Marble World and Candy Resist (Sagrada Reset 4) - Chapter 1

[INDEX]

Ashiharabashi High's first day of class was on a Monday, April 10th.

That day, the freshman Asai Kei sat on a sofa in one of the school rooms. It was only half the size of a classroom.

No one else besides Kei was in the room. Once homeroom was over, his teacher pointed him to this room but it was empty.

Watching the clock on the wall, Kei thought about how he wanted American pancakes for lunch. He was hungry. It was already past 1 PM and this morning he was too sleepy to bother with breakfast.

As he envisioned the pancakes decorated with whipped cream and plenty of maple syrup, someone knocked on the door. Two reserved knocks. The door opened and a girl appeared.

Her expressionless face could easily be confused with a kid trying too hard to look like an adult. But brusque movements were still vaguely childlike. The girl's name was Haruki Misora.

He wasn't waiting for Haruki there, but he knew she'd come. Their teacher gave her the same instructions he gave him. But when they left the room, Haruki had a talk with her parents, who were present for the entrance ceremony, so Kei went to the room ahead of her.

Haruki walked straight to Kei and held out a printed sheet.

"I filled out my club submission."

"Ok. Thanks."

He took her sheet on reflex, but when he thought about it, that paper was meant for the teacher supervising the club, not him. But he had no reason to give it back to her. He took his own submission out of his bag and placed it on the table next to hers.

Haruki looked at the two submission forms, and after a satisfied nod, sat on the chair next to Kei's.

The two were applying to join the same club.

The Ashiharabashi High School Service Club.

This was their club room.

Kei rested his chin on his hand and his elbow on his knee.

"But man, what a rush. Immediately after the entrance ceremony, they're already making us join a club."

(There must be a reason.)

Haruki looked straight into Kei.

"Why are you joining the Service Club, Kei?"

"Many reasons. The main one being one being that I can tell they're going to pester me until I do."

"But without my ability, you shouldn't have any reason to join the Service Club."

Haruki's voice was plain as usual, but Kei could notice faint emotions mixed in it. Dumbing it down as much as possible, it was akin to guilt.

Kei shook his head.

"The same goes for you."

About half of the people living in this city—Sakurada—have special abilities. The abilities are all different from one another and most of them break the laws of physics.

The abilities were regulated by a public office known as the Management Bureau. The Bureau nearly forces students with abilities deemed especially dangerous to be part of their school's Service Club. And the students in Service Clubs had to perform all sorts of ability-related tasks.

That said, Kei's ability was mediocre. In its essence, it's not something that would get someone invited to a Service Club. In contrast, Haruki's could be considered powerful although pointless without external help. But when paired together, Kei's ability complements Haruki's, earning them an extremely powerful effect. That's why Kei and Haruki were instructed to join the Service Club together.

"Besides, if I had to join any club, the Service Club would be my pick.", Kei continued.

"Why is that?"

"In the Service Club, I'll gain information about abilities. That's something I wanna know more about."

He wanted to accomplish something that required a particular ability. And even putting that aside, getting to know more abilities was never pointless. With the right ability, he could deal with problems he'd be otherwise forced to give up on.

Haruki Misora nodded with minimal movement. Kei couldn't tell what she was thinking. But he got a feeling that she was thinking about a girl who tragically died two years before, so he decided to change the subject.

"Aside from that, I also want to be on better terms with the teacher responsible for the club."

"With the teacher?"

"Yeah, I quite like the guy."

All teachers responsible for Service Clubs were active Bureau members. The Bureau dispatched their workers who had teaching licenses to operate in each school. The teacher currently allotted to this Club had begun his activities in this school at the start of the previous school year. Before that, he was a common Bureau officer at the city hall.

Haruki was puzzled.

"Have you already met him before?"

There was no expression to be found on her face. That signaled that she wasn't interested and asked just for the sake of it.

"And so did you."

They first met him two years prior.

Circumstances led Haruki to meet him earlier than Kei did. He considered explaining this to her but decided against it. He would be here at any moment, and Haruki would remember everything upon seeing his face.

Instead, Kei asked with a faint smile:

"You're against joining the Service Club?"

Haruki denied.

"If you're joining the Service Club, I am too."

It was always like that. Kei knew her answer before he asked. Kei maintained his smile but internally sighed.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next time the door opened was at 1:30 PM.

A conspicuous man with curly hair and a stubble appeared. A math teacher named Tsushima Shintarou.

After entering the room and closing the door, he glanced at Kei and Haruki.

"Sorry, I'm late."

"We haven't been waiting too long."

Tsushima knew for a fact they had been waiting too long but didn't reply.

He lazily sat down on the sofa in the back and leaned heavily.

"Congrats on making it to high school."

His voice saying this was so sleepy and lethargic that it didn't sound like a real congratulations.

"Thank you. I'm very glad to see you again.", Kei answered with a smile.

Tsushima scratched his pile of fuzzy hair.

"Really sounds like sarcasm when you say it."

"That's quite a mean response to my honest feelings."

Tsushima grabbed the two sheets of paper on the table and skimmed them.

"Your name doesn't have an official kanji spelling?"

"I don't use it."

"You don't 'use' it?"

"For whatever it's worth, my name is written in kanji on my birth certificate."

When written in kanji, his name was often misread. And people who misread his name would inevitably also get his gender wrong. About 4 years ago, he got tired of correcting people every time and started writing only the pronunciation of his name.

"Fine by me. I'll be filing it this way."

Tsushima dropped the two forms on the table. Next, he smirked.

"Welcome to the Service Club, Kei and Haruki."

"It's an honor to be accepted here."

"Sure thing. You two had to be accepted, considering how much bad you can do with your abilities."

"Questionable statement to make."

"Things are only problematic when someone wants them to be a problem. No one'll make a fuss about my remark."

It's been a long time since he last saw Tsushima but he seemed more cheerful than how he was before becoming a high school teacher. Maybe the teaching career suited him surprisingly well. But Kei still believed it was just a result of interacting in a different situation. Kei and Tsushima were opposing each other when they last met.

"So, Mr. Tsushima, why were we made to fill out our club applications immediately after the entrance ceremony?"

"I didn't want to waste a second recruiting you, of course.", Tsushima answered with a quick shrug.

"Because there's a Service Club job to be done?"

"Yup."

Tsushima put his hands in his pockets and took something out. It seemed to be a small blueish marble.

"Kei, Haruki, you are the people for the task."

Peeking into the marble with only one eye open, he continued.

"It happened almost two hours ago. A female student was found collapsed in front of the school gate at 11:30 AM."

"That's pretty much when the entrance ceremony ended."

"One of the parents present in the ceremony discovered her and immediately carried her to the infirmary. Much like you, she was going to be an Ashiharabashi student starting today, but she wasn't present at the entrance ceremony."

He handed them the marble.

"This was found on the floor right next to her. Take a good look."

The image of Tsushima and his surroundings were inverted. The world seen through to the marble was flipped vertically and horizontally.

Inside this picture, a girl stood next to Tsushima. The long-haired girl seemed to be the same age as Kei. She wore Ashiharabashi's uniform.

"She's the student who collapsed by the gate."

The girl inside the marble bowed in sync with Tsushima's words.

"Hello. Nice to meet you."

The girl's inarticulate voice came from nowhere specifically.

[sasukimimochi]

Hey guys! I wasn't looking forward to writing this.. So, I can't get the next chapter of GOM ready before the anniversary tomorrow. Tax season and the holidays have just been super busy and beyond getting a bit done of TWPT I didn't get much progress done. Not to mention the migraine I recently got & family coming tomorrow to see Lucien 😔 everything has been too much go, I didn't wanna ruin my holidays forcing myself to use my little rest time to write so I dialed back for a while. (going to continue the post under reading line)

It sucks because I really really wanted to do something cool for the anniversary. I mean, a whole year of writing a fanfiction, but the longest one I've ever done? And with so many amazingly supportive readers! Over the year we've gained over a thousand kudos and almost 50k hits, I read every comment and most of the time reply to every one! You guys are amazing and I really wanted to make the anniversary at least a little special. Unfortunately I am going to have to push back the date, but i don't think 2 weeks will be realistic so I'm going to set a loose date for the 11th.

Onto more positive news, I have gotten a desktop which should be able to support much better streaming! I haven't been able to use my avatar or game on stream in a long time but now i should be able to do both of those things!

here's a test i did just to see how the bit rate, recording, and frame drops would go. i used to not even be able to play this one at all on my computer! sorry only one video at a time so you only get the spyro clip, but i tested slime rancher also. i still need to adjust some settings, but this is massive amounts better than my old laptop.

my chromakey also might be a bit strong haha i'll fix it.

Since i can't upload tomorrow, If i'm feeling better i might try to do a mini stream in the morning if i have time before we get our visitor, or maybe really late monday. we'll see.

anywho, TLDR; i can't make a post for the anniversary, at least i dont think i can. i'm planning to try to post in a month, after i've sorted real life things and have got the story sorted how i wanted.

i'm also going to try to stream again once my migraine goes away now that i have a better desktop that can support playing games and streaming together, and of course streaming art, too with my pngtuber.

I'm very sorry but i hope you guys are as excited as i am that the fic is now a year old! Thank you for your patience 💖

[taminoarticles]

— Tamino for De Standaard, March 2017 (x) (Original Dutch text)

"What would you later wish you had done now?"

THE FIVE LIFE LESSONS FROM TAMINO

1. Don't compromise

'How much of human life is lost in waiting?' Ralph Waldo Emerson once wondered. Especially when you are young, you have to go for your desires and ambitions. You have to dare to dream and dare to make those dreams come true. It prevents you from regretting all the lost opportunities one day. So regularly imagine how you will look back later today: what do you wish you had done now? And then do that. That is why I am now taking a break from my education at the conservatory in Amsterdam to concentrate completely on my music. If I continued to combine both, I would do everything half – then I would only be half a version of myself.'

2. There is no such thing as wasted love

‘Love makes life and without love nothing matters. So don't be afraid to love. There are things you can only learn about yourself by allowing someone else into the most intimate places of your heart. It fascinates me how something so abstract and elusive is the most beautiful thing that can happen in a human life.'

3. Take stick insects as pets

'Walking branches are simply the best insects on earth: it is a branch and it walks. I find that incredibly funny. A friend of mine once had it in a jar. When I visited him, I always thought they were fantastic to watch. The next stick insect I come across, I'll take it with me.'

4. What you radiate, you get back

'When you face life with confidence, things fall into place faster than if you are guided by fear. People are also less likely to walk all over you. The same goes for the stage. Since I'm a bit more sure of myself, I'm able to get my music across better. If you have an idea of who you are, you attract the right things. It's pretty crazy how that works.'

5. Put the screen away and grab a book more often, unless you're reading on your tablet

'There is so much to get out of books… I also enjoy film, but I rarely feel that a film has an impact longer than the day I saw it. A book, on the other hand, can stay with me for years. Palace of Desire by Nagieb Mahfouz, for example, tells a sad, but very beautiful story about how some things are simply not predestined, something that doesn't have to be a bad thing, because then other things can happen.'

'The collection of short stories Mirrors of the soul by Kahlil Gibran is also inspiring. Gibran's romance is anything but naive. He uses romance as a protest against a cruel, indifferent world. What Charles Bukowski has written seems to be the opposite of romance, but somewhere under the drink and his walk from one woman to another, I think a romantic soul was hidden. I read his work as an investigation into that kind of life – although I don't want to copy his lifestyle at all (laughs).'

INES MINTEN

Tamino is a singer, guitarist and pianist. He was one of the three winners of De Nieuwe Lichting by Studio Brussel. His first single, 'Habibi', is a hit on radio and internet. His first EP will be released in May. He will present them in AB (15 and 16/5), in Trix (26/5) and at Rock Werchter (30/6).

Published on Monday, March 27, 2017

[kkyaka]

Omg how was it bro lmaoo

Bro anon LMFAOO, I got you (kinda tmi under the cut, so warning for kinda sexual explicit content LOL), this got really long I'm so sorry 😭

(takes a deep breath) okay, SO lol first things first

I had actually seen this guy at a Halloween party I went to last semester, but right as I was gonna tell him that I thought he was cute, he left. And then I saw him on hinge and we matched! He goes to the same school I do, and he doesn't live too far away.

So, I matched with him and started talking to him, and he wanted to come over at like 10pm on Monday (today is Thursday as I write this) and I had come from a volleyball scrimmage and I was NOT in the mood to hook up

So I told him that, and he said that wasn't his intentions (which was a SHOCKER) so I let him come over 💀 LMFAO and we just cuddled and watched anime. And he didn't stay long cause I was tired asf, but like towards the end, he said that he had lied about not wanting to do anything, but I think that was because I wore really short shorts lmfaooo

We held hands for a while and then he had to leave, so I walked him to his car (he held my hand the whole time) and then he drove me back to my apartment. And then he told me that he really wanted to kiss me, but he never made a move lol, so I did. I made the first move! I kissed him first! Who would've thought? But yeah, he like never made a move on me or anything and that made me feel better

So then he said he was free the NEXT day (Tuesday) and I said he could come over lol cause I was gonna be gone for a whole week and I wanted some fun lmao. So, we just cuddled on the couch watching TV again (I'm not gonna tell you what we were watching bc you'll judge me LMFAO)

Anyway, fast forward like an episode later, and we're making out on the couch and then like five minutes later, he's eating me out LMFAOOOO, and his head game was pretty good honestly

So then, we move to my bed but then he goes an gets a condom, and not once did I ever think to like stop him, which isn't bad! I've messed around with a lot of guys, but I've always stopped it before it gets to this point, but with this guy I was kinda nervous but not enough to where I wanted to stop it

Bro he ate me out so much, I was like I mean sure, if you want to lmfao. I didn't cum, but he made me feel really good, so I'm not really upset about that honestly, and I'm pretty sure I'll see him again when I get back.

So, I was kinda worried because he wasn't very long, but he was lowkey really thick, so I was like 😬 sir you might rip me in half no lie. And the whole thing was like kinda awkward, but we laughed about it. But we did it in missionary, cowgirl, and doggy and in missionary, he had my legs shaking lmfao

And in cowgirl, my legs didn't get tired as soon as I thought they would, and doggy??? Whew chile, y'all.

I was SO LOUD. SO FUCKING LOUD. Like, I was almost crying. I could've cum from that, cause he was hitting good but not like the best spots. But honestly, I think doggy worked best because my whole like vagina (???) is tilted forward lol

So, after the first position, I thought we were done, so I slipped on my sweatshirt lol, but HE WAS NOT, and after I got on top, I thought we were done lol but he had flipped me over and eat me out for a bit AGAIN??? And he had already taken the condom off and tried to put it in RAW??? HELLO??? and I stopped him like instantly, I was like no sir you can't do that bc I haven't been on birth control in a couple of months lol

So after I told him that, he said that he was gonna look for another condom because, and I quote "I wanna fuck you again"

HELP??? HELLO???

In my head, my jaw was on the fucking floor, but I guess the 😺 is pretty good LMFAOOO🤭

And so after THAT, he asked me if I wanted to go AGAIN, I was like wtf this man's stamina. I know he's gonna wreck my shit when we have more time together lol

And surprisingly, I feel very normal (?) about everything that happened. Like then next time we hang out, I'm gonna ask him what he wants out of this whether that's a relationship or just fuck buddies, idrc, but we were both kinda tired, but he cuddled with me like for an hour

And he had to be up at 5am and I had to be up at 7am, but I told him he could stay over if he wanted to, I would set an alarm for him, but he said that he felt it would be better to just go home, which I was fine with.

Anyways, that's the rundown, but yeah, I honestly wasn't expecting to punch the v-card any time soon, so this is a massive surprise lol. It's not a big deal to me, and virginity is a social construct, but for a while I just wanted to get it over with, and this time I wasn't nervous or anything and I didn't really have any negative thoughts

We'll see if I see him next week, I REALLY want to because I haven't been able to stop thinking about him lol, so I'm hoping he comes back over. Also, anon, this is probably WAY more than you asked for, and I'm sorry lmfao

[alr34dyd34d]

I came here to post shit somewhere it probably won't ever be found. I am going to kill myself soon. I am checking in to therapy on Monday. It won't work. Once it doesn't, I'll end it. I fail. Constantly. I am worthless. Garbage. Shit. I've lived my whole life wondering why everybody always picked on me all the time. The answer is because I deserve it. It's what I get for being too ugly. For not understanding social cues and jokes. If I had a bigger dick. If I had more money. But ultimately, those kinds of things don't come to people like me. I'm a fucking loser. A failure. The world would be better off without me. I am a burden. A reject. Friendless. I am tired of being made fun of and not knowing. People doing shit behind my back, knowing I'm too naive and gullible to find out. If people have me around, it's either by chance or out of necessity. Nobody ever just has me around because they like me. Nobody's ever had a crush on me in any way. I simped my way into some fucking whore's romantic life, she settled for my repulsive ass on the promise of being financially taken care of. When I inevitably failed at that, like I do all things, she saw that I was completely and totally Inadequate and she immediately fell out of love. Started cheating behind my back. I still haven't gotten undeniable proof, but there is just too much evidence to deny it. She knew how fragile i was, I think, and couldn't bear to tell me how she felt. I could feel it, though. I knew. Her body rejected me. I am a reject. Filth. Disgusting and repulsive. Undeserving of love or even of life. Hideously ugly, incredibly stupid, just all around a worthless specimen. Hopefully I can successfully kill myself, but my track record for being successful at anything so far is 0, so we'll see how that goes. I am sorry for being a failure, and horrendously incapable of doing anything even remotely right.

[yooglefics]

The casual type: 03 . The past

Pairing: Min Yoongi x fem!reader  Wordcount: 2,993 words Genre ( for the whole series ): AU. College!verse. Strangers to friends with benefits to ?????. Eventual smut. Hurt / comfort at times. Fluff for cute friends. Summary:  ( Ep. 03 ) • Is finally time to talk about how you got here. And of course, you aren't the only one with a past. Warnings under read more.

Includes ( this episode ): There's flirting and progress is made. The squad is cute. Mentions of cheating in the past ( not from main characters ), bad relationship dynamics, fuckboy shenanigans ( say no to fuckboys ), and broken hearts. Author's note: I have a question for you guys: should I start adding the pet names in the warning? Because my thing is that Yoongi has been using them in context of what is happening, like in a banter kind of way, but… should that be a warning in itself? As always, hope you like this one, remember to leave a comment, reblog, send an ask, follow or whatnot. Thank you for reading <3

The motorcycle ride wasn't as scary as you thought it'd be. In fact, it was kind of calming. The streets were mostly empty and Yoongi drove at a decent speed, mainly of course, because you told him you'd kill him if he didn't. But it was nice, a good distraction and an interesting way to end a hectic night.

Monday morning comes around and your stomach hurts with anxiety at the thought of the inevitable. Is even worse than when you have to give a class presentation, at least in those cases your life isn't the subject. And your only hope to get you throughout the day is that everything would feel better after talking with the guys.

“Are you not finishing those?” Jungkook points at the fries on your plate after a while of sitting in the cafeteria. Your group has assigned this time as lunch hour since everyone is free while some of them wait for their next class.

“You can have them if you want.” Everyone's eyes turn to you as if a second head has grown, “I'm not hungry.”

“But… is fries?” Says the soccer player and to his credit, is true that turning down fries is a sign you may be sick, and honestly, it feels a little bit like you are and that's what finally makes you decide is time. 

“Let's talk. Outside.”

You can't bear the awkwardness. They tip-toeing around, putting too much thought on your actions. It can't go any longer, but you still take a few minutes to walk them outside the cafeteria and to the back of the building. Away from the protagonist of your story.

“Oh… hi.” Greets Yoongi, his arm mid air as he stops the action of putting a cigarette between his lips. “Walking all together like that, you guys do look like a gang,” he jokes after you and your friends say hello.

“Says the guy smoking,” Jimin’s answer, gaining some laughs.

“Sorry,” he really seems remorseful, “I'll go somewhere else.”

“Actually,” grabbing his forearm, you stop him from leaving. “Can you stay? I think I do need moral support.” 

On friday night he told you asking Mai to be there when talking about everything could be a good idea, and with a shake of your head against his back you answered you didn't want to bother her, already feeling bad about worrying her that night. So, he said he would do it. If you needed support he would be there as a payment for saving him at the club the night you met and that you only needed to ask.

Even so, it is surprising to you when he just nods and goes back to his position against the wall. You stay in front of him and your friends gather at your sides in a circle, ready to listen.

“Okay. Well,” you take a deep breath, “first you have to promise to not do anything. Not threatening, not breaking noses. Nothing. You promise?”

They do, with only a “But if it is really bad can I scream at them?” from Jungkook.

“No. I don't want more drama.”

And they nod once more, and again, you breathe.

“So, there's this guy, he is from the basketball team,” Hobi got that right, but it wasn’t surprising after you took a liking for going to the games and then stopped just as suddenly even if Jungkook was still part of the team. “We were talking for a couple months. You know, messaging and… just flirting I guess.” 

“You guess?” Taehyun asks to clarify.

“Yes? I… I don't know. Sometimes it would be more obvious than others and we would talk about what we wanted in a relationship as if we were talking about our relationship.” In the moment you thought it was obvious, you were flirting and planning the future; both of you mentioned wanting something beautiful and long lasting. But after everything, you wonder how truthful everything really was. “We even went on a few dates and on Valentine's he got me a necklace and a cute cart saying how much I meant to him.”

“And you didn't tell me?” Jimin argues. The only one that says something even when all your friends at surprised at that. 

“I’m sorry. I wanted to, I swear, but I also wanted to enjoy it just myself for a little bit.”

“And what happened? Why did it end?” Tae wonders impatiently.

“Well,” the phantom pain from that day is back on your chest, “sometime at the beginning of April he canceled a date and because I already had told you guys I was staying on campus to study, I ended up going to the movies by myself and…” 

“He was there?” You nod. “With… someone… else?” 

All your friends react at Tae's guess and you only nod again. Your eyes are fixed on Yoongi, on the half burnt cigarette still in his hand that is now off, to avoid looking at them and the sadness on their faces. You can't handle that. Even when you tell yourself you're over everything, finally telling them about it and knowing how it makes them feel revives how you hurt back then. In a certain way, it gives you the validation you didn't have at the time, and that you didn't know you needed.

Is healing, and you wish a little bit you had told them sooner.

“I bumped into her and at first I didn't see him.” You continue narrating, “Her drink spilled and I was helping dry her hand when I noticed the little smiley on her bracelet and it was the same as mine.”

There are reactions all around the circle once more, Yoongi's “how original” comment makes your lips curve slightly. And it’s surprising, but you’re glad to be able to find the fun in it now.

“I didn't think anything about it, you know, just like, cool, we have the same cute pendant, but then I heard his voice and well… It wasn't cute anymore.”

You remember how shocked you were in the moment and his face as he realized it was you in front of them.

“What did you do?” asks Hobi.

“At least tell us you spilled the drink on him next.” Adds Jungkook.

“I didn't do anything,” and there's a part of you that regrets it. “I was so surprised and confused. I thought that maybe I'd made it all up in my head, that maybe he didn't mean the things he said like that. Because there was no way he could just turn around and be official with another girl by next monday, right?” You pause for a second to take some air, trying to calm down since the tears would be threatening to fall anytime soon. “But he did. And when I texted him and asked to meet up to talk, he replied with just a «thanks for these few months».” A dry laugh leaves your throat, every time you think about that text you find it stupider. “And just like that it was over. And I felt so dumb for letting it happen.”

“Don't say that. Is not on you,” says Hobi immediately.

“He played you. He is an asshole.” Jungkook continues, “C'mon here, so I don't run back in and punch his stupid face,” he says bringing you into a hug. 

“So,” Yoongi starts after a few minutes of sitting in silence on the bench outside the cafeteria. Your appetite has come back and your friends are busy with their next class, one you don't share even with the ones in your major since you have stuck to an all-morning schedule, so you're left to share a bag of chips with him. “Can I ask something?”

“Can I refuse to answer?”

“I hope you don't,” that makes you laugh, “because I'm really curious now.”

“Okay, shoot.” 

“What happened seems like the perfect reason to avoid casual things, but that's not what I got from our date.”

“That's not a question, Yoongi,” you remark playfully when he doesn't continue, turning to him, bending your leg on the bench. “You want to know why I didn't run the moment you told me you didn't want a relationship?”

“Yes,” he nods, “that's what I meant. What I want to know.”

“Well, because you were honest about it.” Is as simple as that, but he still looks unsure. “I’m pretty sure that Chr– that guy,” remembering Yoongi is trying for the team you decide is best to not give out names to him either, “wasn't looking for something serious when we were talking, but he played into it because I said I was. He built my hopes up of something more and in the end he kind of just admitted that I was someone he was just spending time with. He didn't want something serious with me but he wasn't honest about it.”

“Would you have had something with him if he had been honest? If he asked to be friends with benefits or whatever?”

You chew a chip while thinking, taking some time.

“I don't know,” is your final answer, “I know it hasn't even been a year, but I was different back then, had other expectations and such. But what I'm sure of is that I'd have loved to be able to decide for myself, you know?”

“Of course. Is different when you are the one deciding to put your heart at potential risk.” he steals a chip from your bag, and silence falls once again.

So far Yoongi has proven to be a good person to talk to and to just be around in general, maybe Mai and Hobi were right about you guys being similar and setting up the date last week. Thinking about that and the phrase he just said reminds you of something and is your turn to wonder.

“Did she break your heart?”

“Who?”

“The redhead from the club.”

His expression changes a little bit, but you're getting better at noticing, so you catch it. “Thought you had forgotten about that.”

“Almost did, but you know, I'm curious too.”

“Curiosity killed the cat.”

“But satisfaction brought it back,” you complete the idiom, smiling proudly.

“Touché.”

“I'm a smart cat, what can I say.”

That gets you a smile from Yoongi and he changes position, reclining his back against the bench and looking straight ahead he commences. “We met at the beginning of university, had a few classes together and started hanging out, became friends, and then started dating at the start of our second semester. Everything was easy and calm, the change from friends to more didn't even register to me, I… I don't know if it makes sense.”

“Sounds lovely,” you point out.

“It was. I thought it was perfect. And perhaps it was for a while, but after dating for about nine months something changed.” A little wrinkle appears on his forehead as he thinks, “I couldn't point it out and sometimes it felt like it was all in my head. And that made me more nervous because I didn't want to self-sabotage, you know.” You nod, fully facing his side now, sitting indian style and bag of chips on your lap. Paying attention as he did before for you.

“She wasn't big on PDA and I respected that, but when I told Mai we were together and she got mad I kind of realized that we had been secretly dating for almost a year. None of hers, and ours, closest friends knew about us and it felt… it hurt.” He pauses for a moment, bringing his hands to his jacket’s pockets. “So, I wanted to talk to her about it. To try and find a solution, to tell her I was sorry for telling Mai but I wanted to talk to my best friend about my girlfriend and how much I…” another pause, breathing in. “But when I went to her dorm, it was Jay who opened the door.” 

You gasp unintentionally, covering your mouth right away. “Where they…?” You don't know what to say. And you don't really need to say anything, everything is pretty clear.

“Turns out they had been together for about three months at that point.”

You gasp again, shocked.

“In and out, kitten, don't die.” He manages to joke and that makes you feel worse about your response.

“Sorry. Is just…”

“A lot?”

“Yeah. And… crazy. How could she cheat on you? I mean, in general, I don't get why people do it, but… on you?”

“I’m going to take that as a compliment.” He chuckles a bit.

“I mean because your relationship sounded lovely. Dating your friend? That's the goal, isn't it?” You correct, “But also, yes. You're good looking and your kissing game is not bad.” 

“You're not bad yourself.”

Looking at each other, you both laugh. 

“I'm sorry that happened to you,” you offer sincerely on a more serious note, “you know it is not on you, right?”

“I know,” he sighs, Mai had made sure to repeat it to him countless times back when everything happened and the couple months after until he truly believed it, “thank you.”

“And I know is scary and I'm not one to say it but… don't let what happened make you run away from the opportunity of something great.”

Yoongi smiles softly without really reaching his eyes and you completely understand when instead of keeping the conversation serious, he asks “Are you flirting with me?”

“You turned me down, remember? I'm not doing that again,” you answer only half joking.

“C’mon, I told you why I did it”

“You were deciding for me.” He opens and closes his mouth, shaking his head and before he can apologize again, you clarify, “I'm just joking.”

“You're mean. But I forgive because you're cute.”

“Are you flirting with me?”

“Yes.” He answers without a beat.

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

A pause, contemplating.

“You wish.”

He smirks, “I do.” 

And you do too. But your bravery from the other night is not here today and you wonder if it's because you're at the University campus or because all you have done today is talk about your bad luck in relationships and the fear of it all.

What if your friends see?

What if anyone else who knows them sees and tells them?

But what if it is the last chance you get to kiss Yoongi again?

Why are you overthinking it? Wasn't your plan to just go with the flow or whatever cheesy quote you chose?

“Was that too much?” Yoongi asks. The wind has blown a strain of hair into your face and he pulls it back in place behind your ear. “I don't have a problem being the one flirting, but if you really don't want me to do it again I'd completely stop. I promise.”

“Is not that,” you quickly answer. “I–I like it, is just…” some people walk out of the cafeteria, and you follow them with your gaze, is hard for him not to notice. 

“Come with me?” Standing up after him, you follow Yoongi across campus and behind the auditorium. He has only been here about a week, that's why you're surprised when he announced not a lot of people come here confidentiality.

“The ones still on campus are busy, either in normal classes or in extracurriculars.”

“You aren't on any extracurriculars?”

A shake of your head, “I live through Jungkook, that kid does everything.” 

Yoongi laughs. “That's why everyone knows him?”

“That and those Bambi's eyes,” you nod, laughing with him.

You are calmer now and guess that was Yoongi’s plan for bringing you here. So, when he doesn't say anything else, you decide to continue the other conversation.

“I guess that's why it’s kind of scary to flirt so openly with you. Especially now after finding out about the whole thing with Hobi and the basketball team,” you sigh.

“Do you think someone is going to tell him if they see us?”

“Probably?”

“So are you telling me to stop flirting?” 

“No.” You answer too fast and he smirks, making you feel a bit shy, but yet, you continue. “I’m just not sure how they'd take the whole «hey, I'm flirting and kissing this guy. Is nothing serious we are just messing around».”

“«Messing around»? Are you fifty?” Yoongi laughs.

“They are! When is about me they act like everything is so extreme,” you pout a little.

“Poor baby,” he mirrors your pout, hands on your shoulders rubbing them softly.

“And I'm scared they would make everything so dramatic, you know? Like, if we want to kiss or whatever without being so serious about it, then what’s the issue?”

“They worry about you and want to protect you. Don't blame them too much.”

“Don't be on their side,” you shove him a little, “I'm trying to kiss you.”

He laughs, “Sorry. I'm on your side.” Pulling you closer and wrapping his arms around your middle. 

“While we both are on the same page about what we want, it shouldn't be an issue. Don't you agree?”

“Totally.” 

“So,” you look up at him, “what do you want?”

“I want to kiss you.”

You blush at how direct he is. “Not what I meant.”

“Well, like I said, I'm not really looking for a relationship right now. I don't think I'm ready to put myself at that emotional risk again yet. But I didn’t mind you kissing me, and wouldn't complain if you want to do it again,” he says honestly. “What about you?”

“Also not really looking for a serious relationship. I think I just want to explore life a little, whatever that means. I want to have fun and not get hurt.”

“I'll never hurt you.”

“I'll never hurt you, either,” you promise looking into chocolate eyes, getting on the tip of your toes to peck his lips, sealing it.

A/N: alright, this is officially a friends with benefits fic now, who is excited? asdfg Check this post for the calendar and pinterest board and more yapping that tumblr doesn't let me add here :/

➪01 | ➪ 02 | ➪ Tag for TCT verse | ♡ Tag list info ➪Main masterlist. | ➪ Pinned | ➪ Ko-fi

[confessionsofanarcadeaddict]

Just ignore the eyebrows, they'll grow back. Picked the wrong setting on the trimmers.

And here we are, another Saturday night at The Arcade! Considering that today was the first nice day in at least a couple weeks it's about average tonight. That's good news for you, because we have plenty of room I you want to get your game on! $20 gets you six decades of arcade goodness, as much as you like!

Okay, on to me. I'm 5 days into a 19 day consecutive working streak and I'm already tired. This is how tired I am: I made a status report video just to let you guys out there know what was going on, and when I got home that night, I completely forgot to post it. For like three days. It's still sitting on my phone and I'm prolly going to delete it because I can't believe I skitzed that hard. I'm embarrassed by that.

Not only that I have been just worn out. We've had really crappy weather over the last week or two, and that makes me feel even more tired. I have not had the energy to record episode 73, much to my chagrin. I've only streamed once this week past as well.

This week coming is supposed to have much better weather (including a near total eclipse on monday), so I'm going to try again. I might even do two episodes on consecutive nights to make up for the lack of content, but I am not promising a thing. I would much rather underpromise and overdeliver than the other way around.

On a more positive note, I'm going to do another test video tonight after closing. I think the way to go is to record without speaking and doa voice over later, explaining things as the video goes on. If I'm happy with the results, I'll start recording on Sundays as I have them off. Stay tuned!

[the-firebird69]

There's a few things that we're going to go over these people are venomous snakes to each other in their pukes weekly and still stand for much but this guy is going down the river and it's for what he was doing and he's doing now:

-he has five outstanding warrants on him as John remillard in Charlotte county three outstanding warrants as John dreamillard in punta Gorda and known aliases and unknown aliases they want him in any format

-this these cases coming up are criminal it's a huge deal for president to go to criminal trial it's like an impeachment and it has almost as much weight and impeachment will follow it's a few convictions and he's out and he's going to be sued if not health in contempt and arrested for not paying in New York City and I said it today I'm not going to accept that and it's already ticking that you have to pay out by a certain amount of time still and it's one month which is coming up pretty quick and it is and we think middle of the month then he's going to go to jail. As it is the prosecutor once July 8th for the big case in Florida tampering is the election. And he also is going to jail on Monday for not paying his taxes in town he harassed her son Non-Stop about that. And those are send money he owes our son money for taxi withheld in too much about $45,000 from HMC construction and $10,000 from James Corp he had them do it $5,000 from Bob borghetti when he was doing the account that's $8,000 and it looked and saw him and he did elsewhere he couldn't touch back till so he started screwing with George and George said what is he is a mental patient running the mental patient house and he heard George say it and the fat slab Aaron threatened our son Aaron at HMC and he said I'll have you killed and he was saying it back and all sudden he's dead I said there good day don't come back either you come back we're going to ruin you inside your head with a egg beater and he started saying I got to get back at him isn't here comes again you got killed and he started getting hit in the head and people tell you what we're going to do to you yeah whatever I mean whatever whatever you're dead stay there for a week or you're dead. So you hear this crowd yelling at him hey pinata and he started having him yell and yell and at Aaron Mike he knows I'm supposed to go to the mental hospital or they're going to kill me you have only minutes to decide and it's just saying I can't stand this so maybe we should wait to you get your house and pull you out of there to make you feel better can you start going I can't stand this at all and he says he's going there so and he didn't and they're going I think it took a wrong turn there buddy and also sudden they started hitting him he's going this seems very serious and they cracked his head and Dave came by with a brick and that's what we saw. Is it going on for quite a while now he says how about that John Gallagher and his bicycle and nothing like hitting you in the head cuz you're f****** around with everybody with medicine. It kind of translates to his idiot wife sister but hey you know she doesn't care.

-so there's this court case it's starting up and the prosecutor has named a date and the article is done by the trumps and so he told the prosecutor can you pick out anything that's illegal here not even just wrong so he goes up to the newspaper people and he says you're supposed to get wrong on purpose and that's a crime and this is you're not giving us a chance to change the date and I said you better take it they're going to laugh and laugh then you going to hate the s*** out of them but mostly laugh at first so they're sitting there smiling and they start talking to him so you can't just change the date in the news and then tell the prosecutor you're trying to manipulate the public to change the date and threaten the public too and they did read it right and they said this who the hell are you to say that stuff to us and the public and he says I'll just move him down like the home Depot truck check the springs his Prince and they arrested him because he should be in jail and it's not a laughing matter because he's dressed up as Trump now they didn't do that part but they have it as evidence and other cases are starting to bleed into other ones is going to come out of this huge bum and humiliating embarrass the country and nobody really cares because other countries still have to do a whole bunch of stuff and it's really the max and right now he's sitting there pissing in the wind saying it's max they're having to do it so husband he's trying to get something I might look like a Mac and he's laughing he's laughing and said I wonder if it's his program and it says going no he said you're a rebel right you like imitating them and he's saying this is irritating I should be irritating you're supposed to say stupid s***. Well here Terry cheese and saying they here and he's saying why don't you shut the f****** you f****** loser and you can hear it on tape in a couple minutes and it's going to go around.

We Trace that incident in the parking lot to Trump and he's threading our son with violence and he had a lot of people and we started killing them off there's a huge number of people who are going after him now and we will take care of them they're trying to bother him and harass and we're going to take him apart few things you should know the guy is a huge a****** and he's bothering him for real and we need him out

Thor Freya

Olympus

I want the stuff posted he's going to show you and he's going to get arrested for it

Hera

[lifeafteratransplant]

Health Anxiety & Trying to Get Into a Routine

Life, is hard. No doubt about it, and having a crazy, stressful schedule is not making it any easier, obviously.

No I don't have kids, but I have a husband, two animals, and myself. Lab/blood draw appointments every Monday, grocery shopping, taking my photography classes, taking my dog to vet for whatever reason, taking him to the groomers, making sure I visit with my mom, and talk to my family back in Iowa, it all comes down on me, and yeah it might not seem as hard as raising a kid, but it is hard for me.

I am double organ transplant recipatant. Which means that I have health anxiety through the roof sometimes. I have to check my blood levels every week just tp make sure I am ok. I hope that it isn't like that forever but I have been through 3 rejections in the 2 years since I had my transplant. Every time was terrifying. This last time was the scariest thought, cause it wasn't just my pancreas it was my kidney too. The thought of loosing my kidney made me sob, and my heart jump out of my chest. My pancreas has been touchy since the get-go. If I loose that I would become diabetic again, which I can handle. Loosing my kidney would me I would have to go back on dialysis and for me that isn't an option. They have used the strongest rejection drugs on me as the possibly can, 3 times now. Meaning that I cannot take them again. Imagine that in the back of your head 24/7, not fun.

This anxiety that I carry makes it hard to make plans, be in public, affects relationships, and causes deep depression and loneliness. I live in a state where this not a lot to do. With my multiple rejections, I haven't been able to hold a job, So basically I am a stay home wife, and that is not something I thought I would ever be. I'm not saying that is bad by any means, but I NEED to have a job to feel like I am contributing to society some how. It becomes very lonely and I fall into a state of depression where it is hard to get out of sometimes.

That is where the second half of the title of this blog post comes in. Trying to have a routine is so important. You have better sleep, which helps your mood, and you energy levels, which helps you get done that shit that needs to get done. I wake up about 8:30-9 every morning, and as of recently try to have breakfast. Whether it be a smoothie, toast and fruit, eggs and bacon. Something in my stomach always helps. Also I take a lot of meds so that is important to have food in your system when taking those. From there, I usually get on the computer check my emails, scroll Facebook, and then look at what I need to do around the house. I am ALWAYS cleaning it seems, I have two pets, both who shed like crazzzzy! Vacuuming every day or every other day is a must, and moping at least once a week. I cooke a lot so constantly loading and unloading the dishwasher, and cleaning the stove and counter tops. The list goes on. After the cleaning is done, I watch my photography courses, do some laundry, make myself lunch, and as of recently I had to put together a whole list of documents for my husband's immigration lawyer so he can get his 10 year green card. Some days I run into town to run errands, like doctor's appointments, grocery shopping, pick up medications, and as of recently furniture shopping. (I'll explain that in another post) I find that just having a list of things to do and crossing them off really helps me.

Everyone's life is different, so that means every routine will look different. Don't model your life after someone else's, you do what works best for you and your schedule. Know your limits, take the time to rest and take care of yourself and life will start to get, maybe not easier, but let's say peaceful. Find solitude and happiness in the little things, and don't take yourself so seriously. Always take care of YOU first, then you can give your best self to the ones you love.

Much love,

Karli