#one day i’ll make something full moon related. one day. …

[getawayfox]

Happy birthday, darling @wolfpants! I’m bringing you a banner with Draco on it since you share a birthday with him, what a fun coincidence! When deciding how to celebrate you and your writing, I knew I wanted to do an author’s reclist but wasn’t entirely sure how to go about it because every single fic in your catalogue is worth a rec of its own. So I took inspiration from an ask game - a list of categories I could fill with my rambling. I hope you have a wonderful birthday full of nice things! ILY! 🤍

🤍 A fic I want to read again for the first time: Under Giant Mountains (Drarry, E, 34k)

I thought about it for a long time because I would give anything to experience all of them for the first time again but eventually, I landed on Under Giant Mountains. It feels a bit sacred to me and I think it’s because I relate to this Harry a lot; because it’s a gentle story about healing; because it made me cry but in that really good, cathartic way. I think it will do the same regardless of how many times I read it.

🤍 A fic I reread the most times: Pages of You (Drarry, E, 102k)

According to AO3 the fic I have visited the most is Pages of You, which is no surprise. Do I share how many times I clicked on that fic? Is it embarrassing? Probably. Oh well, here it is:

Look, it’s my comfort fic, okay? What can I say - an 80s coming-of-age story? Sign me the hell up. In all honesty, I don’t really have words to describe how this fic makes me feel - it’s like a safety net for my inner child maybe, or something similarly, horribly cheesy. It’s a book I want to own, have on my bookshelf, and return to it over and over again. Maybe one day it will be.

🤍 A fic that made me (re)consider a ship: Spellbound (Draco/Albus, E, 2k)

So here is the thing - I’m pretty faithful to my favourite ships and don’t often read outside of them, except when it’s a rarepair that catches my eye and then I’m happy to be persuaded. And Wolf is brilliant at that, honestly, they could talk me into anything. And so even when it comes to a ship I didn’t know I needed, like Draco/Albus for instance, I just know that in their hands, it’s gonna be layered and thought-provoking and just so, so delicious. Here is the proof: Spellbound, a Dead Dove fic that is just the perfect flavour of dirtyhotwrong. Yum.

🤍 A favourite rarepair fic: Galvanize (Scorpius/Ron, M, 1k)

Speaking of rarepairs. Wolf has a whole collection of kinkuary fics, which is a rarepair heaven, go forth and pick your poison. I’m gonna go with Galvanize, in support of Hot Ron Agenda ™. It’s an M-rated Scorpius/Ron fic and the dynamic here is unmatched - so innocent and yet. Gah!

🤍 A line from a fic that’s haunted me: Waiting for the Moon to Rise (Drarry with a hint of Bill, E, 9k)

This is hard because I can think of many (see QQR) but if I had to choose just one, it would have to be this masterpiece:

—his voice had been thick, Draco remembers that, because he’d been eating an apple stolen from the kitchens on their way outside. He kept trying to get Draco to eat it too, playfully pressing the bitten edges to his mouth, damp like a kiss, until Draco had pushed him off him with a laugh— “stop that, Potter, or I’ll shove it someplace where it’ll hurt ”—and all the while, his lips had tingled with sweetness, a phantom caress he would take to his bed later that night and think about with his hands while the rest of the Eighth Year boys would sleep and snore, none the wiser—

Which is of course from Waiting for the Moon to Rise, featuring an intimate friendship, lots of UST and Bill the matchmaker 😏

🤍 A fic that ripped my heart out (but it hurt so good): The Hollow (Remus/Draco, E, 12.5k)

Oh boy. We’ve all read The Hollow, right? Right. It’s one of those fics I think about so often it can’t be healthy and yet I can’t go anywhere near it again because I don’t think I would survive a second read. It’s so, so, so good. It’s so painful. It’s everything I want from the pairing. I never want to see it again. It carved itself into my heart and will stay there forever.

🤍 A fic that made me laugh: Romp and Circumstance (Drarry, E, 33k)

So. Many. Wolf’s banter in fics is unmatched but for the sake of this game I have to say one, so I’ll go with Romp and Circumstance - and as much as this fic is hilarious, it’s also so full of love and longing and romance. It’s so vibrant! A perfectly executed AU with characterizations that are just chef’s kiss!

🤍 A song I now associate with a fic: Everybody Hates a Tourist (Drarry, E, 52k)

I will always associate Common People by Pulp with Everybody Hates a Tourist. I remember sitting in a beach cafe last year and the song started playing and immediately transferred me into the holiday vibes of the fic. I’m obsessed with both Harry and Draco in this story: with who they are, separately, and eventually together. Their characters are written so brilliantly here; they’re both given space to grow into themselves, into what they want out of life and their getting together feels like the most natural thing in the world.

🤍 A fic that’s between me and my AO3 history: Seat You Higher than the Stars (Ron/Harry, E, 1,8k)

Ha! I have no secrets or shame. Nothing is just between me and AO3, I’m an open book and will shout about it, and especially about this fic I thought was fitting (pun intended) for this category - just look at the tags: emotional vulnerability and fisting (elmo fire emoji). This is Seat you Higher than the Stars, a Ronarry fic that has got to be one of my favourite things ever written. It’s so tender and beautiful! 

🤍 A fic that feels like a warm blanket: Thickets (Drarry, E, 17k)

That is *exactly* how reading Thickets feels. Oh, this fic. So gentle and mature, full of soft, quiet pining and second chances. It’s so atmospheric and nostalgic. Layered with complicated grief and vowed with humor and warmth, this fic is simply stunning. It’s a getting back together story that feels like a deep exhale. It’s melancholic and hopeful and it has one of my favourite characters of all time - a portrait of Young Draco to perfectly illustrate just how far current Draco has come.

🤍 A fic I want to be made into a film: Led by Light of a Star Sweetly Gleaming (Sirius/Remus, E, 53k)

My Wolfstar-loving heart could not forget this story - in a way a prequel to Pages of You but also a standalone fic set in the '60s. Wolf’s worldbuilding and attention to detail really shine here - it would make such a stunning film! But it’s not just that, it’s the characters, too, where the magic lies: completely in awe of each other and unbearably lovely. “You’ve no idea how much I want to worship you.” will be forever my favourite thing Sirius has ever said.

[vvenuspng]

omg full moon tonight

[tmntober-2023]

Welcome, everybody, to

🐢 🍁 TMNTober 2023! 🍁 🐢

An Inktober-inspired month-long event where every day will be assigned a prompt that you can write or draw something for!

🐢 Rules & guidelines: 🐢

All prompts have to be TMNT related, obviously, but they can be of any iteration, including fan made ones.

Post your art and writing on whatever platform you want! If you want it archived here though, post or link it on tumblr and tag this blog!

Tag your art with #tmntober 2023 or #tmntober2023. I will make a point of going through the tag and reblogging as much art as I possibly can to here!

Your art doesn’t have to be done on time and you don’t have to do all prompts. First and foremost, have fun!

Since this month ends with Halloween, I expect some art may involve horror themes, and if so, will be tagged appropriately. This is an appeal especially to writers, as I’m not sure I’ll be able to read every single piece, to tag your works with proper warnings, please.

Every day, there will be a post announcing the current prompt! If you lack inspiration for any particular prompts, I may leave some ideas in the tags :)

🐢 PROMPTS: 🐢

1. Warm-up!

2. Eyes

3. Teeth

4. Bones

5. Act

6. Improvised Weapon

7. Begrudging Alliance

8. What a tragedy!

9. Trap

10. Under-appreciated non-turtles!

11. Glitch

12. Dance

13. Devour

14. Press Start!

15. Try again?

16. OC spotlight!

17. Roots

18. Fairytales

19. Machine

20. Mask

21. Greatest fear

22. Favorite episode

23. Unlikely pet

24. Teenage

25. Mutant

26. Ninja

27. Turtles

28. Full Moon

29. That is not a person.

30. Scary Movie

31. Halloween!

🐢 Image version of the prompt list by @wutdeedido! Look how cool!! 🐢

Happy creating, everybody!!

EDIT: I did find out after the fact that there’s a buncha other tmntobers out there! If these prompts don’t work for you, try some of these!

- the tmnttober2023 account (with two T’s! Unlike mine!)

- @/super-un-stable’s tmnttober2023 with a list that is a piece of art to me

- @/oopsmypencilslipped’s tmnttober2023 with a swag poster

[earthlightwitch]

🎃WITCH-TOBER💐

hey witches (or whatever term you prefer!)! the spookiest season is fast approaching, and so i wanted to put together a little list of something witchy you can do for each day of our favourite month! majority are low key, and feel free to do all, some or none of the activities - whatever suits you best, this is just a fun way to introduce witchcraft into your month.

do a tarot/oracle/rune/etc spread for the month of october (i’ll post a “new month spread” very soon!)

write out your goals for the month - witchy and not. maybe you want to try journaling more frequently, meditation, going for walks, drinking more water or cooking some meals at home!

write about a new topic in your grimoire/BoS - this could be a topic you’ve been interested in for a while or something totally left field. you never stop learning as a witch!

try learning about your ancestors. this can be hard for many (difficult family relations, not knowing biological families, the like), however if you can find a family name that’s always a great place to start!

spend time in nature/connecting to nature spirits. going and talking to the trees is so incredibly beneficial, especially if you need to talk about something you feel you can’t open up to a person about. the trees, the ocean, the forest and the mountains are always happy to listen to us

create a new candle - sounds hard, but it’s a lot easier than you think! i love making seasonal candles by taking a store bought, plain candle, then dressing it with oil and some herbs. bonus points for using herbs associated with fall/spring (depending on where you live!)

do a manifestation spell with the waxing moon! this can be as elaborate as a full ritual, or as simple as writing your manifestations on a bay leaf/piece of paper and burning it.

witch-ify your beverages! adding intention into your coffee, tea, water or any other drink you prefer is super effective witchcraft! you can also add things to your drink, such as honey for attraction, cinnamon for abundance, or sugar for sweetness (taste wise too)!

i’m really big on cooking seasonally, so if you can, try and cook or bake (even just throw together some things into a sandwich!) using some seasonal ingredients (i.e, pumpkins, root vegetables, stuff like that) in a meal today

happy full moon! don’t forget to cleanse and recharge your crystals, decks, and of course, yourself today. maybe put out some water to creat some moon water!

refresh your altar if you have one - maybe give it a good wipe down with some moon water (or just normal water!), cleanse it and redecorate it however you like

create a new sigil today, either creating one of your own design or using an online generator (like this one!) for prosperity, abundance, protection, whatever you like! use in your craft however it suits you

do some shadow work - i recently posted a 30 days of shadow work challenge, so you could try a prompt from that list or any you find!

try giving an offering to a deity, ancestor or spirit you work with or are wanting to connect to. this can be as simple as offering a portion of your food to them, or an entire ritual dedicated to them - whatever works best for you!

look into your astrology! if you’ve never looked at your chart before, there are lots of different websites that can do it such as this one, and they’ll give you a pretty in-depth dissection of your chart!

cleanse your space - either with a smoke method, sound, a spray, or visualisation!

try doing some mindful movement - this can also work as a meditative practice! this includes walking, yoga, running, or weight training. set your intention first, then see how you go!

find out some local lore of the town you live in! it’s often a lot more interesting than you think. i also love to learn about local native plants in my area that i can then use in my craft!

refresh any wards your have set up if you have them, or if you don’t, now is a great time to set one up! they can be very simple or complex depending on the method you choose, and there are several great posts on here about them!

as the moon wanes (gets smaller!), now is the perfect time to do some releasing. write anything you want to let go of - people, things, attachments, etc. - on a piece of paper and burn it or otherwise dispose of it

read a new witchy book - don’t sleep on your local libraries! there’s also plenty of pdf books about witchcraft topics online if you can’t get your hands on

make a spell jar! this kind of magick is super fun, relatively simple, and can be done quickly with items you already have. any jar is suitable, such as the jar from your pasta sauce, not just the aesthetic ones you see on tiktok! add your ingredients along with your intent, seal with wax from a candle and set it wherever suits the intention.

practice some grounding. place your bare feet on some soil or grass, or even hold some soil if you don’t have access to natural ground today. visualise roots growing from the centre of the earth towards you, and from the centre of you towards the earth. see them intertwine and let mother earth ease your physical, spiritual, and mental struggles, pain or heavy emotions

visit a cemetery if you have one close by. you don’t need to go to one holding someone you know, it’s still just as meaningful to visit a new one you’ve never been to (a post soon coming on what to do when visiting a graveyard!)

put together a witchy playlist! this can be for your walk or to start your day, to listen whilst you practice/divine, or just to play to help you feel a bit better. if you don’t want to make your own, you can always just listen to one someone else has curated!

make a cleansing scrub - all you really need is some salt (medium-ground works well for scrubs!), any oil of your choosing, and some herbs if you choose. make sure anything you add is body safe!!! set your intention whilst using and allow the scrub to cleanse away any spiritual “dirt” you’ve accumulated

enchant a piece of jewellery! can be a ring, a necklace, bracelet, a pair of earrings, or even bobby pins used in your hair

write a gratitude list. get specific and write as many individual things as you can!

reflect on the goals you wrote down at the start of the month. have you achieved them? why/why not? is there something you achieved that you didn’t write down that you’re proud of?

do some protection magick. the spirit/earthly worlds are growing closer now, so some extra protection can never hurt!

happy Samhain/Beltane/Halloween! the veil is thin today, so now is the perfect time to reach out to spirits (safely of course!) and try a (potentially new) form of divination!

i hope this gives you some ideas for witchy things to do this month! just as a reminder, your craft is so personal to you, please don’t let me or anyone else ever tell you what you should or shouldn’t be doing in your craft (unless you’re taking from closed practices - DONT DO THAT). never feel bad for not having the energy or not being able to partake in a certain activity. you are always a witch, no matter how you practice.

love always, taylah. 🤍

[bloatedandalone04]

Warnings: mentions of smut, fluff, kinks, swearing, the quarry related topics

➪Let’s get this out of the way; the boy is obsessed with you

➪And that’s before he even got bit

➪You and Nick met in high school, grade 11, and had been dating ever since

➪He asked you to be a counselor with him at Hackett’s Quarry so you wouldn’t have to spend the summer away from one another

➪Obviously, you agreed

➪Sneaking out either really late at night or super early in the morning for heated make out sessions against a tree or the side of one of the cabins

➪Would rather hang out with you than with Jacob or Dylan

➪So it came as no surprise that when the game of truth or dare was suggested, Nick took your hand and left your friends by the campfire to settle some unfinished business (why would he want to play a game when he could be playing with you, instead?)

➪Then this man got bit

➪The werewolf was coming straight for you, but Nick (the sweet gentleman he is) pushed you out of the way and took the bite for you

➪If you thought your sex life was amazing before...oh boy

➪So many new kinks were born once he was bitten

➪Hair pulling

➪Lip biting

➪Shoulder biting

➪This man had never wanted to put a baby in you more than he did after he got a chunk taken out of him

➪Choose your ending: he survives the night and wakes up cured or he survives the night and wakes up and turns the next full moon (nick’s death ending? doesn’t exist, so sorry)

➪He’s a cuddler, either way

➪He’s also a big fan of forehead kisses

➪You switch from being the little spoon and the big spoon

➪Nick prefers to hold you but isn’t opposed to you being the one to hold him

➪Touching is how he shows his love

➪Hand holding every chance he gets

➪He’ll either have is arm around your shoulder or waist when you leave the house

➪His hand has a permanent place on your thigh while he’s driving

➪Seriously, he doesn’t move it until you’ve reached your destination

➪Damn near daily make out sessions on the couch, bed, against the wall, in the car or even with you on the counter and him in between your legs

➪You don’t fight often, and it’s usually nothing extremely serious (nothing you can’t get over within a few hours)

➪If it is something serious, Nick is the one to apologise first

➪Poor guy can’t stand it when you’re pissed off at him

➪Wasn’t the jealous type until he met you

➪Now he feels like he has to compete with every guy in your life

➪Very very very very protective over you (especially after what happened at hackett’s quarry)

➪Constantly gets the urge place random hickeys all over you

➪Will offer to drive you anywhere you want to go

➪“Hey, Nick, I’m going to Emma’s house,”

➪“Oh, I’ll drive you,”

➪“I might stay the night. Emma said she could drive me home tomorrow,”

➪“I’ll just pick you up and we’ll get food on the way home,”

➪You move in together pretty much right after getting home from summer camp

➪He just refuses to let you out of his sight 

➪Now, werewolf Nick....

➪He has you lock him up HOURS before he usually transforms in case it happens early and he ends up hurting you by accident

➪Will usually fuck you until you can’t walk properly during the day of the full moon so he has something to think about when waiting for his inner werewolf to come out

➪Just wants to taste you all the time tbh

➪Goes down on you 25/8 and doesn’t expect anything in return (not that he’d complain if you were to drop to your knees in front of him)

➪Date night every Saturday

➪Will definitely buy you a promise ring at the age 20 then an engagement ring a couple years later

➪You end up staying together for the rest of your lives and never fall out of love with one another

[shineonyoucrazyyandere]

Hi! How about a hcs with a gender neutral reader that gets turned into a cat temporarily by a stand, how would la squadra react?

Have a nice day :>

Sure! I’ll go character by character on this one

Yandere! La Squadra w/ gn! Darling turned into a cat by a stand

Risotto - *bat bat bat* He hears the soft sound of something messing around with his hat (he takes it off every so often aside from showers and sleeping). There’s immediate suspicion as he goes to investigate, finding a cat rather than you mesmerized by the golden baubles that spelled his name. Doesn’t take long for the leader himself to put two and two together that you are the cat. Considering he makes sure you won’t escape whatsoever any other time.

It’s hard to tell but his eyes soften slightly from amusement of cat you playing with his hat. He’ll likely pick you up, expression hardening at a potential stand user looming around. He’ll immediately order the rest of the group to be on high alert and track down the user. As cute as you were in cat form, he was not amused by this little trick no matter how harmless it seemed.

Formaggio - manages to squeeze a crude joke, makes a casual comment of how cute you were like that. How he’d love to spend time with you being like that more, while scratching under your chin. He observes if your full on cat, which seems to be the case. Doesn’t mean he won’t be constantly bringing up how willingly you allowed him to pet you, when you revert back later.

Illuso - Amused you were turned into a cat of all things, he’d love to have alone time with you in his mirror world without disturbance. Just an hour or two of holding you close to him. He wouldn’t lie he would have extra satisfaction of bashing the stand users face in from turning you into a cat. Though before that he snaps a picture with a camera of you in cat form for later usage.

Melone - coos and fawns over you the second he sets eyes on you. Even in cat form you seem to be fairly stiff around him, and he absolutely notes every behavior like a decent scientist would. Light touches and pets down the back, and he doesn’t flinch if you decide to try and scratch. You can be certain he’ll be calling you kitten or similar cat nicknames when you revert. Not to mention maybe receiving cat related clothing or other items.

Ghiaccio - In typical fashion he’s more irate that somehow someone got passed them enough to do something to you. He might pet you a bit while ranting how he’s likely going to freeze the user solid if he narrows down where they are. He does think you’re cute in all honesty, he’s simply pissed a slip up on his part or his team caused this headache. The scene is mildly amusing as he continues his rant and pets your soft fur. He’ll likely mention how cute you were with a smirk when he calms down and you’re back to normal.

Prosciutto - As obnoxious as Ghiaccio’s yelling could be, he’s also aggravated at this massive oversight. He definitely ends up approaching to pet you, knowing full well he’ll have to take care of any fur that gets on his suit later. He notes the color of your eyes in cat formed more observationally than anything. Coaxes you to come closer, while side eyeing Pesci who seems giddy at you being a cat. It’s cute but he wants you in human form back as a soon as possible.

Pesci - He’s pretty much over the moon upon seeing you, but trying to keep it to a lower level so he doesn’t end up being poked fun at. Or alternatively being slightly reprimanded by Prosciutto for losing composure when an enemy could be in the vicinity. He has all sorts of thoughts of using one of those mouse toys with you. The man’s pretty much squeaking internally at how cute you were all while giving you some nice head pats. Though he would diligently help eliminate the perpetrator when it came down to it.

Sorbet and Gelato - both of them are pretty fond of the attitude of cats, and they both laugh that you were turned into one of all things. They’ll likely make fun of the user for such a ridiculous strategy, even if they’re nowhere near around. All taking turns holding you, noting how helpless you were not that it made a difference being human either. They both figure out where you like being pet almost immediately, and of course maybe weaponize it against you later like some of the other members of La Squadra.

[writerpyre]

Hello!!

It’s been a LONG time but if you’re inclined to read please have a bonus chapter to an older fic: first time in just over four years that I’ve posted anything for any fandom!

I found it in my files today and being as it’s been so long, I figured why the heck not, as I reckon it’s about time I came back with something. It’s not technically new writing, but I’m pretty gosh darn happy with myself either way. I’m finally at a place in my life where maybe things are going to be ok? I mean, I’m 31.

I’ll see what else the fates bring (my bestie is pretty unwell — not sure what’s with this people closest to me getting horribly sick thing), but I think I’m in a place where if I go back to using my writing to cope I’ll be fine. I can at least hope.

(For those who have by this point probably given up anticipating an update for Fulcrum (or anything related to it) never fear, for that one is next on my agenda! I’m ‘Bound’ and ‘Determined’ to get John through his decade-long predicament. Haha.)

Either way, have a chapter. :)

(For those who are unaware, Kent is my OC, Virgil’s identical twin who died of complications from a heart condition, three days after their birth. Technically part of my AIE “AU”, I originally wasn’t intending to ever post this part, as it’s a practice piece I used to look at who Kent Tracy may have been had he survived past infancy.)

Midnight

The soft sounds of Virgil’s snores rumble through the room from the top bunk, but Kent lays in the bottom bed, wide awake with his pen in one hand, the flashlight in another; scrawling furiously across the pages of his notebook.

It’s past eleven again, and the fourteen-year-old boy can’t sleep; the insomnia from sleeping all day has kicked in again, and all he can do is while away the hours until his father and older brothers roll out of bed. He doesn’t fear waking up his twin brother; Virgil doesn’t wake up unless someone holds the alarm clock right next to his ear; volume up on full, so it’s highly unlikely that he’s going to be disturbed from the light.

He doesn’t mind overly much though, these quiet hours before the dawn. Being one of six children often means that aside from the two hours of study that their father enforces every day, it’s very rare for any of the Tracy children to have any time to themselves without another sibling interrupting it somehow.

It’s nice to have this time to write, and consider and dream without his two youngest brothers asking ‘What are you doing, KT? Can I see? Lemme look!’ he finds it bliss to not have his father wanting him to help with chores or his grandmother wanting him to watch Alan while she takes Virgil and Gordon out, because their father is busy in the office again.

It’s peaceful, and as much as he likes a bit of chaos and excitement, Kent also likes to have some quiet now and again. He loves the way the moon streams through the curtains in the bedroom, how he can listen to Virgil dreaming and feel his brother’s happiness and quiet soul soar through their twin bond.

He feels the pressures of being the sickly child; the one who everyone has to be careful of and look out for too much, and for Kent, these moments when he doesn’t have them looking over him in concern and hovering when he’s ‘too pale’ or ‘overtired’, it just makes him feel more whole somehow. At fourteen, he just wants them to stop seeing him as the ill one and allow him to grow without them worrying that he’s going to overtax his weakened heart.

In these moments, he can remember his mother, and how like him; she was a writer, although with six children before she died, she never got to achieve her dream of getting a novel published. Sure, she wrote for the local newspaper, along with the kindergarten teaching and the music lessons she taught in order to help their father with the monthly bills, but it’s something that Kent knew she always wanted to do. Now she’s gone, he’s more determined than ever to achieve that dream, and make his mom as proud of him as she was as his other brothers.

That’s not to say that he didn’t think she was, but he just wants to do something that his three older brothers haven’t yet.

Kent loves his family, but he just wants to get out of this little box, pre-packaged, made just for him, the one that labels him as the sickly child, the one who is to be worried over and assisted.

It’s not that his father, Grandpa and Grandma don’t expect him to amount to anything, just that somehow, Kent has this invisible label on him that instantly informs people that he’s ill and that he is given just that little bit more leeway to get to places a little easier. There’s nothing more Kent hates more than to be told that he needs to take it easy, or that he can’t do something, just because he’s sick.

That’s why he uses this time, past the hour he should’ve been in dreamland to work harder on anything he ever has in his life, because he wants to make them proud, to break out of the accidental constraints that his condition has placed upon him. He’ll rise above and beyond those automatic assumptions, and prove to everyone that he can do just as much as his brothers. Even if it takes him a little bit longer, even if he has to work a little bit harder, he will achieve his goals.

As he packs up his book and caps the pen an hour later, still not sleepy but content that he’s worked with what he can for tonight, Kent is determined that he’s going to become a published author before he hits his eighteenth birthday, because he’s a Tracy, and for a Tracy, failure isn’t an option.

He’ll lie awake for the rest of the night, and yes, he’ll be completely exhausted and will spend the day in bed tomorrow, but he’ll keep with him through his grandmother’s fussing and John and Scott’s smothering, the peace and tranquillity that this time has given him.

He’s happy, and he knows that if his mother is watching, she’ll be proud.

[master-sass-blast]

Down the River -The Hands that Heal, Part Fifteen.

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five: Chapter One, Part Five: Chapter Two, Part Five: Chapter Three, Part Six: Chapter One, Part Six: Chapter Two, Part Seven, Part Eight, Part Nine, Part Ten, Part Eleven, Part Twelve, Part Thirteen, Part Fourteen

Summary:

“Did your aversion to public displays of affection and planning dates end those relationships?” When you nod, Chinatsu kicks back in her seat. She stares at the city skyline for a moment, then folds her hands over her stomach. “What’s your strongest, earliest memory as it relates to your sexuality?”

“See, that’s what I don’t understand.” You lean forward and brace your elbows against the table. “I’ve done trauma recovery work and spoken with patients; I know that the stronger the memory is, and the earlier in life it is, the more formative it is for how you feel and respond to things. But what keeps coming to mind doesn’t have anything to do with my relationships or sexuality!”

“Let’s investigate it anyway,” Chinatsu says. “What comes to mind?”

You can practically feel your body try to shut down. Everything goes numb; the early fall breeze doesn’t feel like it’s catching on your skin anymore. It’s almost like something inside you separates from the outer shell of your body. You swallow hard, then force yourself to speak. “It’s when I came out to my parents.”

aka talking about feelings and trauma is hard, part two.

Pairing(s): Lin Beifong x Reader.

Rating: T for emotional trauma and trauma processing, specifically focused on queer identity.

Word count: 9.2k.

“You don’t need to make a big deal out of this!”

…

You can hear birds chirping outside. The residents in the apartment next door are awake; it sounds like they’re making breakfast. You can hear the clatter of dishes and muted chatter through the adjoining wall.

There’s a crack on the ceiling of your bedroom. It’s been painted over, but the break still shows through. It looks like a river cutting through a ravine. You know every inch of that crack. You’ve stared at it on countless groggy mornings and sleepless nights.

Your alarm clock went off ten minutes ago. It’s another day at the physical therapy clinic. You need to get up so you can shower before heading off to work.

You blink when the sound of something hitting the floor –followed by light swearing–emanates through the wall. Sounds messy.

Your alarm clock went off ten minutes ago. You need to get up.

Your eyes trace over the crack in the ceiling. If you let your mind wander far enough, you can envision yourself floating down the imaginary river. You can almost feel the coolness of the water against your skin. The strength of the current beneath your body.

You need to get up.

Your body feels like lead. Despite sleeping adequately, your mind feels like it’s full of fog.

You stare up at the crack on the ceiling. You inhale deeply, then breathe out slowly.

You can feel the water dragging you under its surface.

Get up.

You force yourself to sit up. You stare at the floor for several minutes without really seeing it. Then –finally–you get up from your bed and walk to your phone. “I need to place a call to Northern Moon Physical Therapy Center.” You sag against the wall, gazing off into space while the operator places the call. Your mind drifts to nowhere, filling with the crackle of quiet static. Your body almost goes numb; it’s like you’ve been disconnected from your body, and now part of you is drifting away on some invisible current–

“Northern Moon Physical Therapy Center, how can I help you?”

You flinch, blinking rapidly, then clear your throat and identify yourself to the receptionist. “I need to call in sick today. I think I might’ve caught a bug.”

The receptionist –a sweet young woman named Li-Na–hums sympathetically. “I’ll let management know. Feel better soon.”

You thank her in a mumble of words, then hang up. Alright, at least that’s taken care of.

You’ve got a day to rest. A day to recuperate inside your apartment. A day to stay inside, by yourself, just staring off into space…

You pick up the phone and ask the operator to place another call. When the line picks up, you ask, “Hey, can I take you to lunch today?”

…

The world feels like it’s on lowered volume. Nothing sounds as clear or looks as bright. The chatter from midday shoppers is just a muddy mess. The gently swaying multicolored flags that hang up in Yangchen Plaza are distant blurs.

And I didn’t even get hungover for this, you think absently. Your fingers fidget with the hem of your blouse. What a damn shame.

“Hey. Sorry I’m late.”

You flinch, caught off guard, then look up as Chinatsu sits down across from you. “Oh. Hi. It’s alright.”

She pauses halfway into her seat. She studies you for a long moment, then slowly finishes sitting. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” You swallow hard, then force yourself to nod. “I’m alright.”

Her mouth twists into a disbelieving frown –but then a waiter materializes next to your table, distracting both of you. Once your orders have been taken, she returns the full brunt of her laser-focused attention to you. “What’s wrong?”

“I…” Your voice trails off as you try –and fail–to find the words to explain the mess of muck in your mind. You smile, sardonic, and laugh softly. “I mean, nothing, I guess.”

“Right,” she drawls, expression flatly unconvinced. She adjusts the collar of her tweed blazer, then arches one eyebrow at you. “So, you wanted to have lunch and talk about the weather?”

You blanch. “I –I don’t want you to think that I’m… that I’m just using you for your expertise–”

“What are friends for?” She waves one hand dismissively. “You’re buying me lunch. It’s fine. Why do you look like someone killed your dog?”

You grimace and stare down at the table. “Uh… relationship troubles, I guess.”

Chinatsu nods. “Same lady?” When you nod, she nods again. “What’s the scope of things this time?”

“I… We’re together.” You smile, but it quickly slips away. “The problem’s on my end this time. She pointed out that I’m not very affectionate in public. And that I don’t really initiate a lot of dates. It’s making her feel like I don’t want to be seen with her.”

Chinatsu drums her fingers against the tabletop. She considers, then shrugs. “Not everyone’s comfortable with PDA. And not everyone is a planner.”

“But she’s right,” you insist. Your eyes start watering, and you have to take a deep breath before you can continue. “This isn’t exactly… new to me. It’s come up in past relationships.”

“Did your aversion to public displays of affection and planning dates end those relationships?” When you nod, Chinatsu kicks back in her seat. She stares at the city skyline for a moment, then folds her hands over her stomach. “Not to be nosy, but did you ever experience an instance of sexual abuse or assault?” When you shake your head, she nods. “What’s your strongest, earliest memory as it relates to your sexuality?”

“See, that’s what I don’t understand.” You lean forward and brace your elbows against the table. “I’ve done trauma recovery work and spoken with patients; I know that the stronger the memory is, and the earlier in life it is, the more formative it is for how you feel and respond to things. But what keeps coming to mind doesn’t have anything to do with my relationships or sexuality!”

“Let’s investigate it anyway,” Chinatsu says. “What comes to mind?”

You can practically feel your body try to shut down. Everything goes numb; the early fall breeze doesn’t feel like it’s catching on your skin anymore. It’s almost like something inside you separates from the outer shell of your body. You swallow hard, then force yourself to speak. “It’s when I came out to my parents.”

Chinatsu blinks, then cocks her head to one side and stares flatly at you. She paraphrases you, “‘Doesn’t have anything to do with your sexuality.’”

“Not –not like this!” you sputter. “It doesn’t have anything to do with romantic relationships or dating!”

“It’s fine.” She waves one hand dismissively. “How did they react to you coming out?”

“My mom was supportive.”

Chinatsu nods slowly. “Was your father in the picture?”

“Yes.”

“How did he react?”

Your throat constricts. You shrug and look away from her. “He was himself.”

“Did he disown you?” When you shake your head, she presses further. “Did he assault you –verbally or physically?”

“Tui and La, no!” you reply with a vehement frown and shake of your head. “No –no, he would never. He’d cut off his own hands before he raised one to me –or my mother!”

“Okay, good.” Chinatsu drums her fingers against the wrought metal table top. “I’m assuming he rejected you –or, at least, made you feel rejected.”

The addendum catches you flat-footed –because, no, he didn’t reject you. Not in so many words, at least, you reflect as your chest goes tight with pain. You look down, avoiding your friend’s intense, all-seeing gaze. But we can’t always help what we feel, regardless of what actually happened.

“I heard you the first time.”

Chinatsu watches you while you struggle in silence. When it’s apparent you’re not going to offer any new information, she leans forward in her chair. “Okay. If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. But, I do have a question, if that’s alright?” When you nod, she continues. “So, I’m gathering that you agree that you have an issue with being distant in relationships, especially in public settings. What do you see as the source of that anxiety?”

You frown, perplexed, and look up to meet her gaze. “Anxiety?”

“Admittedly, it’s a supposition on my part,” she concedes with a shrug. “But, from what I can gather, you aren’t coming across like you don’t enjoy physical affection at all, or that you don’t see the point of dates.” She pauses, but when you don’t answer, she adjusts her glasses and keeps going. “To me, it reads like you have an aversion to public displays of affection. Generally, aversion is driven by discomfort, distaste, or anxiety,” she explains, ticking off each item on her fingers. “Everything you’ve been telling me –in my opinion–points towards anxiety.” She lowers her hand, then studies your face before asking, “So, in your view of yourself, where do you see that anxiety coming from?”

Your face scrunches up in confusion. “What, like…” Your gaze flits across the plaza, as though you’ll find an answer written on a storefront sign. “Like trauma?”

“Could be,” Chinatsu agrees with a nod. “Or it could be a negative belief system –something that tells you whatever you’re doing is bad, or dangerous, or wrong.”

Something heavy tugs at your gut. You fold your arms over your torso to try and abate it, but it only grows heavier. More uncomfortable. You swallow hard, then shift in your seat.

“Are you okay?”

You nod without thinking about it. “Yeah. Just…” Your teeth fuss at the inside of your bottom lip. “I mean, the Water tribes aren’t necessarily the most open-minded. Queerness isn’t a bad thing, but you’re not supposed to be open about it. I guess…” You roll your shoulders to try to relax your neck (not that it works). “I guess I’m always worried about making everyone else uncomfortable… with… all of it.” You look back up at Chinatsu. “Is that enough?”

“Of course, it is.” She waves one hand dismissively. “This is about your perceptions of yourself and the world around you. Anything can be enough.”

“But –it’s not like I got attacked. Or sexually assaulted.”

“Devastation according to legal or social code really isn’t the point,” Chinatsu explains while shaking her head. She pauses when a waiter brings you both your meals, smiles and says thank you, then waits for the waiter to move out of earshot before resuming. “Trauma isn’t just about things society deems as obviously traumatic. I mean –how many patients have seen you because they hurt themselves doing mundane chores?”

“I’ll do you one better,” you fire back, grinning for the first time since you sat down. “A majority of people throw their back out by sneezing.”

“Spirits, that’s terrifying.” Chinatsu picks up her chopsticks and mixes together her noodles, steamed vegetables, and Komodo chicken. “But, the point stands: injuries aren’t only caused by catastrophic events or abuse. It’s the same with psychological trauma.”

You nod to yourself slowly. You pick up your spoon –but freeze before you stir up your Southern-style Sea Prune stew. “How do I get over this?”

Chinatsu snorts. “Not that easy. You’ve seen how long physical trauma lasts. It depends on the person, the inciting incidents, what treatments are used–”

You let out a dejected sigh. “Figures it wouldn’t be that easy.”

She pauses, then reaches across the table and places one hand on yours. “Hey.” When you look up, she offers you a reassuring smile. “It can get better, okay? I’d recommend therapy –obviously–but in lieu of that, try journaling or talking with someone you trust.” She retracts her hand, then gestures to you. “It’s evident to me that whatever’s causing all this distress is pretty deeply rooted, so doing things to filter it out should help make things clearer.”

You manage a small smile. “I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.”

…

You have five days until Lin’s supposed to stop by for dinner. Five days to process through whatever bullshit has you all clogged up about romantic relationships so that you can present it to your girlfriend in a coherent enough fashion, in hopes that she doesn’t just dump your emotionally constipated ass and find someone better.

You swallow hard, press down the churning in your stomach, then open up the journal you’d purchased after your lunch with Chinatsu. Alright. Stream of consciousness. Let’s do this. You uncap your pen and stare down at the faintly lined page.

Nothing comes.

You inhale deeply, then put the date in the top right corner of the page. Maybe that’ll help.

It doesn’t.

You spend at least five minutes staring at the empty page, trying to think of something –anything–to write. Your brain feels like it’s turned to lead. When was the last time you even thought of a full, coherent sentence? Were you ever truly capable? Well, it doesn’t matter now, seeing how your damn brain has decided to be a useless glob of shit.

You flop back against your sofa and let out a frustrated groan. How can this be hard? It’s just writing about my feelings!

Maybe it’s your memory that’s at issue here. After all, you still can’t see the connection between your father and your problems in your romantic life. To you, it just doesn’t add up.

Granted, it’s not a pleasant memory. It’s one of those recollections that you keep deeply buried, beneath countless layers of repression and denial.

God, I was so terrified, you reflect with a grim smile. I thought I was going to throw up.

Your mother was wonderfully supportive when you came out to your parents. She’d smiled warmly, blue eyes crinkling at the corners, and taken your face in her hands. She’d wiped the tears off your cheeks and assured you that, of course, she’d always love you no matter what.

And your father…

It’s strange, how emotion warps memories. The scene playing out in your mind’s eye switches between being in suffocating black and white, or being painfully bright, like staring directly into the sun.

The kitchen in your parents’ home feels too small. You feel like a giant crammed into a closet –like in a book you read as a child where a girl, upon being transported to a magical realm, grew twenty times her size after eating enchanted cookies.

The instinct to hunch over under the weight of your father’s indifference still holds strong today. You have to forcibly straighten up and relax your shoulders and neck.

It’s disorienting to the point of nausea –you still feel too big to fit in the room (too big to properly breathe), but under your father’s state you feel no more than an inch high. He towers over you, somehow miles away despite sitting at the table next to you.

You think that maybe he didn’t hear you. Or maybe he didn’t understand. Either way, he still hasn’t said anything, and you’re going to throw up or pass out –or both–if he keeps silent. You swallow hard, knees shaking, and tell him the news again–

You jerk out of your reverie with a grief-stricken sob. You clamp one hand over your mouth, body trembling as panic washes over you. You draw down a breath as deep as you can, then lunge for your journal and scrawl out a single sentence.

Why do I always have to make myself small?

You cap your pen, all but fling it onto your coffee table, then drop your face into your hands before bursting into tears.

…

“Are you okay?”

You inhale sharply, blink, then return your attention to Amaruq. “Yeah. Sorry. Spaced out for a minute.”

She seems none too convinced. She leans against the table in the breakroom and tucks a client folder under her arm. “Are you sure? You went ashen for a minute.” When you purse your lips, she pulls out a chair and sits down. “What’s wrong?”

“Just…” You quirk your mouth to one side and shrug. “Dealing with some stuff.”

“I’m so sorry. Do you need to talk about it?”

You nearly say “no” –it’s reflexive–but stop just before you can shake your head. Maybe… maybe it would help. Amaruq grew up in the Northern Water tribe, too. She’d understand the culture.

Besides, Chinatsu told you to talk to someone about it; if you talk to Amaruq, you can actually say you’ve done that much.

“Uh…” You swallow hard, then nod. “Yeah, actually. If you’re okay with that.”

“Of course.” She sets the closed folder on the table, then sits back in her chair and folds her hands over her lap. “What’s going on?” She cocks her head to one side for a moment and studies you for a moment. Then, her eyes widen; she glances around the breakroom, then leans towards you once she’s certain there’s no one nearby. “Is it –is it the incident?”

You shake your head. “No. No, it’s not that. It’s–” You have to swallow again when nausea suddenly overtakes you; your stomach churns, and you can feel a cold sweat break out across your back and the nape of your neck. You breathe deeply through your nose, then let it out through your mouth. You flick a glance around the room to make sure no one’s within earshot –aside from Amaruq, of course–then murmur, “It’s queer stuff.”

“Oh.” Amaruq blinks a few times. Then, her brows furrow together. “Is it Lin?”

“I mean… not really?” You shrug when she motions for you to continue. “It’s… it’s more me than her.”

Amaruq nods, expression heavy with contemplation. “Okay.”

“You–” You grit your teeth when another wave of nausea crests over you. “You grew up in the tribe. You –you know how things are.”

Understanding settles over Amaruq’s features. She nods slowly, emphatically, and sighs. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

Your knee bounces up and down beneath the table. You lean forward, arms braced against your stomach to try and ease the nervous tension coiled there. “I mean–” You let out a hollow, breathless laugh. “We’re lucky. We could’ve grown up in the Earth Kingdom. Or Ba Sing Se, specifically.”

“There are places where it’s worse,” Amaruq agrees with a sage nod. She purses her lips, expression strained. “But I don’t think many people really consider…” She swallows hard, tucks her tongue against the inside of her lower lip, then sighs. “They don’t think about what it’s like if you’re just expected to stay in the closet your whole life.”

It’s like someone cut the strings holding you up. You slump forward, managing to brace your chin against your palm. “Yeah.” You manage a wan smile and arch one eyebrow at her. “We won’t go to jail for it. Or be killed for it. And it seems like once those bars are cleared, the world stops caring.”

“They do,” Amaruq agrees. She stares down at the table, gaze distant, then smiles faintly. “I had the hardest adjustment when I moved here. I was so used to being… overly discreet, I guess. I was so shocked at how open everyone is here about their sexuality.”

“As a rule, yeah.” You laugh. “It’s almost like they’re being rude, right?”

“Exactly!” Amaruq’s eyes widen. “It seems so… so socially unaware!”

“It’s like you’re forcing everyone else to watch!”

“That’s how I felt!” She leans back in her seat again and smiles, equal parts nostalgic and pained. “I learned how to get past it –how to be more comfortable with being ‘out’... but, Tui and La, it was painful for a bit.”

You clench your teeth and grimace. “Yeah.” You close your eyes and breathe deep when another wave of nausea mixed with dizziness sweeps over you, then open your eyes and look at your friend once more. “How did your parents react when you came out?”

Her nostrils flare, and her lips tuck into a tight frown. “They were dismissive. I mean –they were fine with it, but they really didn’t want to talk about it. They didn’t want me to be open about it.” Her jaw tightens, and her brows draw together. “My mom said that she didn’t want to have to think about it.”

Your gut clenches sympathetically. “I’m so sorry.”

“After coming here, I tried to explain…” She pauses, then shakes her head. “Well, I tried. They weren’t very receptive.” Her hands curl into tight balls in her lap. “We don’t talk anymore.”

You frown, saddened, and reach out to touch her forearm. “Oh, Amaruq, I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you.” She forces herself to untense and offers you a small smile. “It is what it is. My partner and friends here have been very supportive, and I couldn’t be more grateful.” She watches you for a moment, then asks, “Have you told your parents?”

You nod.

“How did they react?”

“My mother was supportive,” you answer, smiling softly –though it slips away seconds later. “My father… he was a lot like your parents.”

Amaruq grimaces. “I’m so sorry.”

“You know–” You let out a sardonic laugh. “I never really thought about how it impacted me? But… I haven’t been back to the Northern Water tribe in years. I just… can’t.”

“I know what you mean.”

You lean back in your chair, somewhat floored by the revelation. You stare down at the tabletop for a moment, then shake your head. “Wow. I can’t…” Your voice trails off, and you swallow hard before whispering, “Wow.”

“It’s understandable,” Amaruq assures you after studying you for a moment. “I don’t think I could go back, either.” She shakes her head, lips pursed as she mulls it over, then turns her attention back to you. “I’m guessing the ‘culture shock’” –she makes air quotes with her fingers– “is causing strain between you and Lin?”

You nod. “It’s… it’s been a problem for all my romantic relationships, really. I can’t think of one that didn’t end –or at least have problems–because of it.”

“I’m sorry.” Amaruq winces sympathetically. Then, she leans over and places her hand on your upper arm. “But, if I can give some encouragement?” When you nod, she smiles. “It’s worth working through, I promise. It won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it in the end.”

You smile back and place your hand over hers. “Thank you.”

…

Saturday arrives without warning. It’s like you blink, and then it’s the end of the week.

Despite everything, you start panicking. You oscillate between frantically cleaning, wondering if you’re cleaning too much, and following each tick of the minute hand on the clock you keep in your kitchen until you nearly lose your fucking mind.

Three minutes until noon, and you finally stop. You force yourself to get off your couch, take a deep breath through your nose, then let it out through your mouth until the room doesn’t feel like it’s spinning anymore. Okay. You’re making dinner tonight. Go get ingredients.

The walk down to the outdoor market in your neighborhood does you good. The fresh air and sunshine clears your head and finishes clearing out any remaining panic.

You… might go a little overboard. You were already planning on making Northern-style Sea Prune stew, so you purchase the handful of ingredients you don’t have on hand. There’s also a good deal on whole red snapper, so you get one to share with Lin –which means getting ingredients for a marinade. You get some fresh vegetables and mushrooms for sides, too. If Lin hadn’t already told you she’d bring dessert, you’d have gotten something for that, too.

Halfway on your walk back to your apartment, and you regret not taking a cab back. Fucking hindsight, you grumble in your head as you adjust your hold on your many paper bags.

It turns out to work for the best, though (making so many dishes, not walking back, though nothing detrimental happens). Getting the stew going, prepping and marinating the fish, and preparing the vegetables and mushrooms keeps you busy for the rest of the day. Between cooking and cleaning as you go, you don’t have time to spiral into overthinking for the rest of the day.

A knock on your apartment door jolts you out of your efficient flow of work.

Your stomach drops. You catch yourself against the lip of the counter when you stagger. You close your eyes, inhale deeply through your nose, then let it out through your mouth. Relax. Everything’s going to be fine… hopefully.

Lin offers you a small smile when you open the door. She waits until you’ve closed and locked the door, then holds out a small, white paper box to you. “I stopped by The Juniper Cafe.”

“Always a good choice.” You accept the box from her, then lift the lid to peek inside –only to let out a soft, pleased gasp when you see four custard tartlets sitting inside. “You got the mango flavor!”

“You said it was your favorite.”

You grin at Lin; you feel warm all over. “That was very sweet of you.” You tuck the box in the icebox for later, then turn and hold your arms out to her. “It’s good to see you.”

Lin steps forward and accepts the offer for a hug. “It’s good to see you, too.”

Something shifts in your brain as soon as she wraps her arms around your shoulders. It’s like the final, teeny piece of the dam holding your emotions back crumbles. It ripples through your whole body; relief and grief cascade through you, warring against each other, you go nearly boneless at the same time your eyes well up with tears and your throat constricts. You draw in a shaky breath, then bury your face against her shoulder and let out a shuddering sigh.

Lin picks up on the shift immediately. She tenses, then cups the back of your neck with one hand. “Are you okay?”

You nod, then turn your head a little so she’ll hear you easier. “It’s just been a long week,” you explain, voice wavering.

Lin stays still for a moment. Then, she slides her free arm lower, around your waist, and hugs you closer. And she just… holds you.

You feel tears threaten to slip free when she kisses the top of your head. You sniff, then let yourself melt and break –just a little–in her grasp.

…

It’s a fight to keep Lin from assisting you in finishing dinner.

She balks, first, at how much you’re making. Her eyes go wide when she sees how many pans and pots are atop your stove –and again when you check the oven, revealing the baking snapper. “If I’d known you were going to this much effort–”

“Yeah, why do you think I didn’t tell you?”

“How much did you spend–”

“You’re not paying me back.” You close the oven door –the snapper’s not quite done yet–then shake your head when she crosses her arms over her chest. “You’re my girlfriend, Lin. It’s fine if I want to spoil you a bit. Besides–” you stir the pot of bubbling stew with your waterbending “–these’ll be leftovers for me in the coming week.”

She sighs, but doesn’t argue. Instead, she steps into your kitchen. “How can I help?”

“I’ve got it –you’re a guest!” you insist when Lin rolls her eyes.

“I’m your girlfriend,” she fires back, giving you a flat stare (though the corners of her mouth twitch upwards). “It’s fine if I want to help you.” When you don’t acquiesce, she simply starts doing dishes you haven’t gotten to yet.

So, clearly, your only recourse is using your waterbending to bend the water away from the dish in her hands. You giggle when she slowly turns her head and stares at you, then let the water revert to its natural course. “Sorry.”

“I doubt it.”

…

Dinner goes smoothly. The two of you set up on your sofa, kick back, and enjoy the mountain of food you made while catching each other up on your respective weeks.

You nearly choke on a mouthful of rice and vegetables when Lin tells you about a bust on a Spirit Vine dealing ring. Your eyes bug out, and you quickly swallow before clearing your throat. “Sorry, I didn’t–” You raise your eyebrows at her. “You said ‘pounds,’ right?”

“Pounds,” Lin confirms, looking simultaneously amused and exhausted.

“Two hundred pounds,” you repeat; you can’t even wrap your head around the amount. When Lin nods, you gape. “I –what would they even use that much for?”

“There’s groups purporting various medicinal and spiritual uses for Spirit Vines,” Lin says with a sigh. “So there are corporations and private individuals trying to cash in on a new industry opportunity without having to go through proper licensing, affiliating with local unions, or paying taxes. Aside from that, there’s research that suggests that the vines could be used as a new energy source.”

“So it’s the same deal,” you surmise. “Capitalize on the resource, avoid fees or legal limitations, create a monopoly…”

Lin nods and wipes her fingers on a napkin. “And, unfortunately, there’s testing that proves the vines can be used to create weapons.”

Right. Kuvira’s giant mech used spirit vines to power the cannon. It was practically in every paper at the time. You purse your lips. “Shit.”

Lin grimaces and nods. “Yeah.” She leans back against your couch and offers you a small smile. “What happened with your work this week?”

“Nothing as exciting as what you did,” you state with a laugh.

Lin laughs along with you. “Some days, I think I’d take that.”

But dinner passes all too quickly. And because Lin insists on helping you with the clean up and putting the food away, you’re suddenly out of stall time and back in your head.

You swallow hard when your stomach churns. Maybe dinner wasn’t such a good idea, after all. You grit your teeth, then force the nausea creeping up your throat back down. I am not wasting that snapper.

Lin notices the shift in your mood –probably because she’s spent years as a detective and was trained to pick up on such changes, but also probably because you feel like you’re going to shit out your heart, and that’s bound to show on your face. She latches onto your shoulders like you’re about to keel over. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Yeah,” you lie. You take a deep breath, then try to squish yourself back into your body before looking up at her. You smile and look up at her without really seeing her face. “I’m fine.” You blink when she takes your wrist in one hand, then laugh when she starts counting under her breath. “I’m not going to pass out, Lin.”

“You look like it. You need to sit down.”

You let her walk you over to your couch and sit without protest. You clasp your hands tightly in your lap, then offer her a thin smile when she sits next to you. “We should…” You clear your throat, then force yourself to keep going. “We should probably talk about ‘it,’ yeah?”

It doesn’t take Lin long to catch your meaning. Her brows draw together, but then her look of confusion fades a few moments later. She purses her lips, but lets out a long breath and nods. “Only if you feel up to it.”

“I want to,” you assure her. “And –I mean, we need to. We should.” You can feel your hands getting sweaty, and you wipe them off on the legs of your pants.

After you go silent for a few moments, Lin gestures for you to continue. “You’re the one who said you wanted time to sort stuff out.”

“Yeah.” You tuck your hair behind your ears, then cover your face with your hands. “Look, just–” You draw in a shaky breath, then lift your head slightly so she can hear you clearly. “This –this is going to sound really stupid, and it’ll probably sound like I’m whining, so I’m sorry in advance, okay?”

Lin frowns and sits back against the sofa. She crosses her arms loosely over her chest, then crosses one leg over her knee. “Alright.”

You’re sweating. You can feel the clamminess on your hands, along your back, at the nape of your neck, in the pits of your knees. Your chin trembles, and you stare down at the floor as you try to think of where to even start with all of this shit. You let out a shaky breath –then jolt when Lin puts a hand on your back. You gasp, then clear your throat and look at her.

“Whatever you have to say,” she assures you, voice quiet but clear, “it’s alright.”

You swallow hard, then nod and go back to staring at the floor. “I… I don’t know. I guess –I guess it’s never really one of those things I thought about, you know?”

“Thought about what?”

“About… about how different things are here, compared to the Northern Water tribe.” You let out a shaky breath, and some of the tension in your chest chips away. You sigh –then let out a bitter laugh. “You know, any time any of us talk about it –or anyone raised in the Southern tribe–we always hear about how it’s worse in the Earth Kingdom, worse in Ba Sing Se. And it is. The laws and social attitudes towards queerness there  are worse than they’ll ever be in the Water tribes.” You pause, purse your lips, then smack one loose fist against your thigh. “But… no one understands!”

“Understands what?” Lin asks after you’ve been quiet for a few moments.

You deflate a bit, shoulders slumping, and drop your head into your hands. You groan, then rub your face to try and focus your mind. “It was so weird when I first moved here, you know.” You lower your hands from your face and offer her a hollow smile. “I mean, I knew that Republic City followed the Fire Nation’s reforms and Air Nomad philosophies towards sexuality. I knew that it was an open safe space for queer communities.” You sit back against the sofa and stare down at your lap. “I still remember the first week I was here. I’d just gotten settled in university, and I’d gone to a local market to get a few supplies –and there were two men, just walking together and holding hands! And they stopped to look at some produce, and one of the men kissed his partner on the cheek, and I couldn’t help but stare because it just… felt rude? To make such a public scene?” You sniff, then wipe away a tear that’s trailing down your cheek. “And I looked around, and literally no one but me noticed. But back home, it would’ve been such a big deal!”

“Is PDA frowned on in the Water tribes?” Lin asks with a frown.

You grimace and sigh. “For visibly queer couples, yes.”

She grimaces as well. “But not for straight-passing couples.”

“But not for straight-passing couples,” you surmise. You go quiet again, then let out a quiet, watery laugh. “You know, I never really processed… any of it. The whole rule against appearing ‘gay’ in public, against talking about it, or being open about it outside of home, or in select company just seemed so normal. And it still feels normal.”

Lin says nothing –but when you start crying harder, she reaches over and takes your hand in hers.

You sniff, then let out a choked, body-shaking sob. You rub your cheeks dry with the back of your free hand –not that it does much good, because your skin’s soaked again seconds later. “I feel so big,” you confess with a shaking gasp, “all the time. I feel like I’m always breaking out of my body. Like I’m taking up too much space. Everywhere I go –whenever someone might be able to tell I’m gay, I feel like there are thousands of eyes on me, that everyone’s just waiting for some sort of proof–” You inhale sharply, when Lin puts one arm around your shoulders, then weep a bit when she tugs you into her arms. You bury your face into her neck and cry. “I –I just d-don’t want to piss anyone off, o-or get ye-yelled at, or–”

“Easy.” Lin shushes you, then hugs you tight. She kisses your forehead, then cups the back of your neck when you whimper. “Just breathe.”

Easier said than done, but eventually, you manage. Your shoulders and chest jump as you gasp unsteadily, but slowly, surely, your body winds down. Eventually, you’re limp in her hold, hiccuping softly as tension and panic winds out of you, leaving melancholy and fatigue in its wake. Well, that was dramatic. You sniff, then grimace. And it probably didn’t explain shit. You swallow hard, then let out a tremulous sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to be.”

“Well, I am. I don’t think I explained myself well.”

“You did fine,” Lin says, voice soft but firm in a way that tells you that while she cares about you and is sensitive to your mood at present, she’s not going to tolerate arguing. (Good thing for her, your sob session tired you out.) She smoothes one hand over your hair, then kisses the top of your head when you draw in a shaky breath. “I have one question, if that’s okay?”

You nod, then sniff. “Yeah, go for it.”

“Can you look at me?” She waits, then brushes a few stray locks of hair off your forehead once you lift your head. “You mentioned that you didn’t want to be yelled at.”

You frown, confused. “Yeah…”

“Has anyone ever yelled at you over this?” Lin asks, gesturing vaguely with one hand. When you drop her gaze, and your expression shifts to one of pain, the arm wrapped around your back tenses. “Who yelled at you?” she asks, voice lower, more gravelly.

You shrug, trying to seem nonchalant, but your eyes start stinging again. “My dad did.” Your lower trembles, and you can feel your throat tensing with grief once more. “When I came out.”

Lin sucks in a breath, then pulls you against her. She hugs you tight, tucking your head beneath her chin. “I’m so sorry. He was wrong for rejecting–”

“He didn’t!” you snap –more out of anger towards yourself than her. You pull away, then lurch into a standing position and start pacing around your apartment. “That’s –that’s the thing I don’t fucking understand! He didn’t reject me! He didn’t tell me that I was wrong for being gay, or that he didn’t want me to be gay, or that he was ashamed to have a gay daughter, or any of it!” You spread your arms wide in a harsh, jerky movement. “None of that happened!”

Lin watches you, lips pulled into a worried frown. “But he yelled at you?”

“I mean…” You stall, deflating slightly. You swallow hard, fighting against a fresh wave of nausea, then shrug. “Yeah. He did.”

“Why?” When you shrug again, she purses her lips and changes tracks. “What did he say?”

You clench your jaw as anguish threatens to overtake you again. You look away and spread your arms in a short, tight movement. “He got mad when I tried to push the issue.”

Lin’s brows draw together. “I thought you said he didn’t reject you.”

“He didn’t.” You sniff, shoulders shaking as you start crying again. “He– I–” You stop, swallow hard, then take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Just start from the beginning. Get the whole thing out there. “I came out to both of my parents at the same time. My mom was supportive. She hugged me, told me she loved me–” You stop when your voice breaks, then duck your head and push forward. “And my dad –I mean, it’s not like he really reacted. He–” You gasp. Your chest feels tight. “I thought –I thought he didn’t hear me, or maybe he didn’t understand, so I told him again–”

Lin stands and steps around your coffee table.

“He told me that he heard me the first time,” you eke out between sobs as she draws you into her arms. You choke on a gasp, then cling onto the front of her shirt. “And –and that I shouldn’t shove it into anyone’s face. He told me that he heard me, and that was that, and to be done with it, and that I shouldn’t be so dramatic–”

Lin hooks her arm under your shoulder when your knees give out. She wraps one arm around your back, then squats and hooks her other arm under your knees. She carries you back to the couch, sits, then tucks a blue throw blanket you keep over the back of your sofa around you.

You’re incoherent for a while. You bury your face into her shoulder and sob; you let it all out –all your nonsensical grief, and anguish, and fear.

Lin stays quiet, but her hold on you never falters. She doesn’t complain, or fidget, or try to hurry you along in any way.

You cry until your face feels raw from your tears. Until your voice is hoarse and you’ve given yourself a headache. Until you’re on the verge of collapsing from dehydration (okay, maybe not that severe, but you feel like a dishrag that’s been wrung out until it's bone dry).

“I don’t know why it hurts so much,” you croak once you’ve caught your breath, some long while later. “It wasn’t that bad. It shouldn’t hurt so much.”

Lin’s silent for a couple beats. Then, she shifts so your head is tucked in the crook of her neck. She squeezes you against her for a moment, then brushes her lips against your forehead. “I think it’s enough.”

You sniff. Your throat goes tight. And then, you start crying again.

…

She stays the night.

“It’s your choice,” Lin says once you’ve gotten up to get some water (because even though you’re not on the verge of death, you did dehydrate yourself), “but I’d feel better knowing you’re not alone tonight.”

“I mean… you can stay if you want.” You gulp down some water, then frown. “I won’t have coffee for you in the morning.”

“I’ll live.”

You grimace into your water cup. “I don’t have any spare toiletries for you to use, or anything. I don’t know if I’d have pajamas that fit you, either.”

“It’s not the end of the world,” she says with a shrug.

“Dental hygiene is important,” you mumble into your mug.

Lin merely arches one eyebrow at you, unimpressed. “If it’s that important to you, I’ll just borrow your toothbrush.”

You scrunch up your nose. “Isn’t that gross?”

“...I’ve had my entire tongue inside your cunt.” She smirks when you spit your water back into your cup out of sheer shock. “I find it surprising that this is where you draw the line at ‘gross.’”

You laugh a little, but it fades. You go back to staring down at your half-empty glass of water. “I don’t want to be a bad hostess.”

“You made me dinner–”

“And then I cried on you for an hour and ruined your shirt.”

“It’s not. Ruined.” Lin stands, walks over to your kitchen, and places her hands on your shoulders. “Look, if it’s that important to you, I can duck back to my place and pack an overnight bag.”

“But it’s late,” you sigh with a glance at the clock. “And cold. I don’t want to make you deal with that.”

“You wouldn’t be –but fine. I’m fine with staying without an overnight bag.” She stares down at you for a moment, then softens when your exhausted, bleak expression doesn’t lift. She cups your cheek with one hand, then murmurs your name. “If you want to be alone, it’s okay. I won’t take it personally.”

You sniff, then lean into her hand. “I want you to stay.”

“Then I’ll stay,” Lin murmurs as she sweeps her thumb over the swell of your cheek.

She winds up not returning to her apartment for an overnight bag. She borrows your toothbrush. “I worked homicide as a detective,” she says when you keep fussing over her. “Arguably, this is the least gross thing I’ve seen or done in my life.” She borrows an oversized shirt of yours and a pair of shorts that she deems comfortable.

You climb into bed next to Lin after turning out the light. You let out a shaky, relieved breath when she wraps one arm around you, then lay your head against her shoulder.

You feel bad. You feel guilty. You’ve spent the better part of the evening as an emotional, spewing wreck, and now you’ve got her here overnight without basic amenities for her.

You bite the tip of your tongue before you can apologize; it seems wrong to make her console you –again–after all she’s done for you tonight. You sniff, then adjust where your hand rests on her chest so you can feel the gentle thud of her heart. “Thank you.”

Lin hugs you closer and kisses the top of your head. “Of course.”

It’s a short course to falling asleep (though you spend your remaining consciousness making a list of what you need to have on hand should your girlfriend spend the night in the future).

…

Lin wakes up before you.

You wake up face down in a pillow, starfished across the open space in your bed, tangled up in blankets like a penguinseal in a fisherman’s net. You grunt when something presses against your shoulder, then lift your head and shove your hair against your face. “Huh?”

Lin smirks. “Good morning.” She holds a steaming mug out to you. “I made tea.”

“Oh.” You struggle into a sitting position, then accept the cup with a grateful nod. “Thank you.”

The two of you sit in silence for a bit as you drag yourself out of the dregs of slumber. Once you’ve downed half the cup, you finish extricating yourself from your snarl of blankets and make your way to your living room.

The two of you have some of the mango custard tarts for breakfast. Lin uses a plate and utensils to eat hers, while you pick one up out of the box and bite straight into it.

“It’s about the authentic experience,” you argue when Lin teases you.

“What’s so authentic about eating like a heathen?” Lin quips.

You swallow, then gesture with your tartlet. “Because I feel the urge to eat them like this everytime I go to Juniper’s.”

Lin smirks and shakes her head.

It’s soft and companionable, eating custard tarts and drinking tea on your sofa in the early, autumnal morning light.

You finish off the last of your tea, then lay your head against Lin’s shoulder. “I–” You purse your lips as the urge to apologize rears its head, then swallow it. “Thank you. For last night. And everything.”

“Of course.”

You lift your head when she leans forward to set her plate, utensils, and cup on your coffee table, then settle back against her once she sits back once more. You nestle against her side, then let out a little sigh when she takes your hands in hers. “I feel like we should talk about last night.”

“Do you want to?”

You press your lips together, but nod. “I think we should. I mean –we haven’t even talked about your side of it, really. It’s… it’s important to me.”

“Okay.” Lin squeezes your hand gently, then shifts so she’s angled towards you. “Is it okay if I go first?”

“Yeah.” You nod, then look up at her. “Of course.”

She offers you a small, soft smile, then looks down at your joined hands. “I don’t think I’ve ever considered how growing up in the Northern Water Tribe would impact your perspective of public affection –or your own sexuality, for that matter.” She squeezes your hand gently, then lets out a soft huff. “I suppose I was more fortunate. I grew up in an accepting family and environment. There wasn’t ever an issue of public affection being ‘inappropriate’ because of my partner’s gender –or a notion that I was supposed to keep my sexuality completely to myself, or only in select circles. It was always my choice.”

“I’m glad,” you interject. You offer her a smile when she looks at you. “I’m glad you had that support.”

Lin gives you a small smile in return, then drops your gaze as she returns to contemplation. She stares down at your joined hands. Her thumb rubs circles against the back of your hand. “If I can ask… why did you keep saying that how your father responded ‘wasn’t that big of a deal?’”

“I…” You blink a few times, then swallow hard. I don’t know. You shrug. “It… it just isn’t, I guess.”

“But he yelled at you when you came out to him. How is that not a problem?” Lin frowns when you don’t respond. “Did he yell at you a lot?”

“I don’t know,” you answer with a shrug. “It didn’t seem like a lot. He wasn’t the most emotionally open person, so when he got mad, it was kind of hard to tell until it hit the breaking point.” When Lin nods, but her frown doesn’t lift, you frown up at her, concerned. “What?”

She sighs. “Look, I’ll concede that I’m not the best at this shit, but –in my opinion–he shouldn’t have yelled at you. Whatever was going on in his head, you’re his kid. You needed him.” Her voice cracks at the end, but she swallows hard and moves on quickly. “There wasn’t anything you did that warranted him yelling, as far as I can tell.”

A lump rises up in your throat. You press your lips together to try and keep the tidal wave of feelings –anguish, anger, grief–at bay. You give a tight, one shouldered shrug and let out a hollow laugh. “I appreciate that, but it’s not like you were there.”

“I wasn’t,” she agrees, nodding. “Doesn’t mean I can’t tell if something’s fucked up when I see it.”

You grimace, then shift your position on the couch. You cross your free arm over your stomach and bring your knees up against your chest. “I thought we were talking about you,” you deflect, careful to keep your voice teasing instead of accusatory.

Lin considers, then shakes her. “Not much to talk about.”

“Okay, no–” You level her with a hard stare when she opens her mouth to argue. “Relationships are a two-way street, Lin. The whole reason we wound up here is because I made you feel like I don’t care about you or our relationship. Your feelings are important, regardless of my childhood bullshit.”

“Stop. That.” Lin’s upper lip curls slightly as she meets your stare. “Quit trivializing your experiences. If we’re talking about my feelings, how am I supposed to feel when you’re degrading yourself in the process? Because now I feel like I need to comfort you –and I want to–when you’ve made it clear that we’re talking about my hurt in the situation. How is that fair?”

You duck your head and purse your lips. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not mad.” She squeezes your hand tenderly. “It’s just not fair.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” You sniff, then let out a ragged sigh as your vision clouds over from tears. “I just… I hate that this all splashed out on you. You shouldn’t have to deal with it.”

“Everyone brings baggage to a relationship.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t want you getting hurt!” Your voice breaks at the end, and you gasp as tears start dripping down your cheeks. “I –I didn’t ever want to hurt you!”

Lin lets go of your hand and winds her arms around your shoulders. “It’s okay.”

“It isn’t.”

“Yes, it is. People fuck up. We’re working through it. It’s okay.”

You can’t help but snort. “I think you may have missed your calling as a therapist.”

“I’d fling myself off a bridge first,” Lin replies, utterly serious, without missing a beat.

You sniff, then lay your head against her shoulder. “Thank you for being so understanding.”

“Of course.” She kisses the top of your head. “Thank you for being honest with me.”

You sigh, then nestle against her. You take a moment to collect yourself –catch your breath, dry your face, let the wave of emotions pass–then tap her arm. “We still need to talk about you.”

“I already said–”

“You’re not getting out of this!” you interject. You wag your index finger at her. “If I’m suffering, so are you. Start talking about your feelings, Beifong.”

“You do realize who you’re talking to –hey!” Lin grabs your hand when you start poking her in the ribs. “That’s enough, brat. Behave.”

“Not a damn day in my life.”

“Isn’t that the truth.” She chuckles when you laugh, but her body goes tense against yours soon after. “Okay, hear me out. I’ve already told you I don’t have anything to say for my part –no.” She claps one hand over your mouth when you start to protest. “You can be patient.”

You’re half tempted to lick her hand, but it’s lost in the wake of unexpected arousal. Note to self: bring this up later.

She lowers her hand once you nod. “I’m being honest,” Lin continues. “What I needed was context and clarity. Especially since I know that what you’re dealing with is trauma-based–”

“It’s not–”

“Whatever you want to fucking call it,” she sighs, slightly exasperated. “My point is that it’s not just a lack of care or effort. You’re processing through shit, and I’m okay to meet you where you’re at. Okay?”

I’m gonna fucking cry again. You mash your lips into a thin line. You can feel your eyes burning again. You smile, then nod. “Okay. Thank you.”

Lin’s expression softens. She tucks a lock of hair behind your ear. “Of course.”

You curl up against her for a bit, and she folds her arms around you. The two of you bask in the late morning silence –the glow of the sunlight filtering through the window, the rattle of Satomobiles outside, the soft sounds of the tenants around and above you starting their day. There’s a deep sense of peace that comes with it; it’s almost meditative.

“I want to get better,” you say after a bit. At Lin’s questioning hum, you look up at her. “I want to work on being more comfortable with relationship stuff in public. Not just for you –though you’re very important to me–but for me, too.” As much as I count, anyway. You swallow, then press on. “I just… need time.”

Lin nods, then tucks your head beneath her chin. “I have time.”

[hongcherry]

Torn || smg

"After being wounded during a mission, you find yourself somewhere you're not supposed to be—in Mingi's arms."

💔 Pair: Mingi x Reader(gn)

💔 Rating/Genres: NC-17; Angst, forbidden love, hurt/comfort, gang au

💔 Warnings: Injuries (deep cup), blood, stitches, (poor) gang-related talk, weapons, illegal activities mentioned, death/dying mentioned

💔 Word count: 2.5k

💔 Author's note: I didn't know where I was going with this fic, but I just felt like writing, so please ignore anything that doesn't make much sense. I'm going to pull, the "it's a fanfic" card lol. I also don't know much about medical or gang stuff, so I apologize if it's not accurate. I didn't do my research this time 😣 Lastly, I wrote this from an f-reader POV but realized I didn't think I used any specific pronouns and such, so I labeled it gn-reader. If I missed something, please let me know! Regardless of all that, please enjoy! This was a spontaneous writing session. I wasn't going to post again so soon but here we are 😅

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“You’re not supposed to be here,” the familiar low voice hissed. He was not happy to see you.

“And when did I ever listen to you?” you chuckled even though you knew he wasn’t going to find it funny.

Mingi took his head, eyebrows furrowed as he tried to focus on the task at hand.

“That’s going to get you killed one day,” he said, but you ignored his words.

“Easy there,” you warned when he was a little too harsh on your skin. Your jaw was clenched, hands fisted on the edge of the table you were sitting on.

Mingi kneeled below you as he cleaned the fresh wound on your calf.

You had been assigned to the east part of the city with your usual partner. The night was going fine. It was rather peaceful, actually. All you had to was deliver the package before one. 

Simple.

You’ve done more complicated tasks before.

However, they cornered you too fast. The sound of weapons being unsheathed filled your ears and your sight was soon clouded with rising smoke. You barely had enough time to pull out your weapon, pressing your back against your partner’s as they retrieved their own weapon. 

The package was in a bag slung around your torso. You couldn’t lose it.

Perhaps if you had been more focused you could have quicker reflexes. Maybe if he wasn’t on your mind, you wouldn’t have a deep gash down your leg.

Mingi didn’t reply to your warning, but the pressure he was using to wipe the blood on your leg eased. 

“Want to tell me how you got this?” Mingi questioned and tossed the soiled rag in a nearby bin. There were other rags in there, each stained with your blood. 

“Not really,” you murmured. 

Mingi stood up to his full height and you had to crane your neck to look at him.

“We don’t need the small talk, right? You can just finish your job and I’ll go.”

Mingi stared at you for a second, eyes flashing with annoyance. You were probably pushing his buttons, but you couldn’t find yourself caring about that. 

“Yeah,” he said through clenched teeth. “My job.”

He scoffed at that. It wasn’t his job to tend to your wounds, but he found himself doing it more often than he would’ve liked. 

Despite his cold demeanor, he picked you up gently. Since your partner was occupying the bathroom getting his own wounds cleaned by one of Mingi’s friends, Mingi carried you to the kitchen. He rested you on the counter so that your injured leg was hovering over the sink. It wasn’t the most sanitary for the kitchen, but Mingi didn’t seem to be bothered. 

Mingi turned on the water and washed his hands. Per your request, he remained silent as he cleaned your injury properly. 

Mingi’s lips were a jar while he worked on your calf. His dark brown hair was straight and hung in front of his forehead. His locks weren’t long enough to hide his eyes, but you liked it more this way. You could see his face better.

His usually crescent moon eyes and gummy smiles were absent from his facial features. He wore a stone-cold expression, which made you feel slightly intimidated under his gaze. One of Mingi’s talents was being able to appear like a giggly baby one second and then a baleful foe the next. Yet in both scenarios, you couldn’t stop your heart from racing a little faster at his striking features. He was definitely handsome.

But you would never tell him that now. Perhaps in the past, but not anymore.

“Can you move over there?” Mingi asked, voice void of emotions as he gestured behind him. It was the island part of the kitchen. 

“Why don’t you just move me yourself?” you challenged. Your eyes refocused on his face, trying to pull yourself from your thoughts.

“Yn,” he sighed as if all his energy had been drained from staying awake three days straight. You were really pushing him over the edge.

You relented at his tone, not really wanting to be on his bad side more than you already were. 

“Alright, alright,” you yielded and carefully swung your legs down. Mingi lingered around you, hiding his frown as he watched you wobble to the island. He forced his attention away from you and left to grab his other supplies.

When he came back, you were sitting on the island as instructed.

One by one, he set aside his first-aid items. You held your breath when he started to thread a needle.

“Is that necessary?” you asked and tried to keep your voice even. You only had to have stitches once, but the pain had made you never want to experience it again. You could already feel your body tensing up at that thought.

Mingi turned to you while pulling the material through the needle’s eye.

“The cut is deep, so yes.” 

Mingi watched you attentively. His shoulders eased slightly at your nervousness. You were tough, but even you had your vulnerable moments. Mingi had seen yours more than you probably knew.

Mingi grabbed a clean towel; he rolled it up and then handed it to you.

“Bite down on this,” he said softly.

No longer in the mood to argue, you took the towel and put it between your teeth.

Your eyes averted from Mingi as he started the sutures. You bit the towel harshly to keep your whimpers at bay.

Even when Mingi was mad at you, he would always be there for you. 

You wanted to hate that.

You wanted him to push you away. Maybe even demand you never come back to this part of the city because he knew people like you were never welcomed. People like you who were from the west; especially people affiliated with dangerous groups like yourself. You wondered why he kept letting you come back to his hideout.

His friends were placid. They weren’t involved with the crime world. They didn’t start wars with other people, and they didn’t do any illegal trading. Yet just being associated with you could bring them danger.

Sometimes, you wish you never met him outside that cafe a year ago. You wished he wasn’t so friendly and willing to help anyone in need. Like now, you had encountered dangerous people who caused you harm. Mingi had found you stumbling toward the restaurant and instantly went to help you. He didn’t know why you were hurt, nor did he know who had caused you pain. He just wanted to help.

And what he didn’t know for three months was that you were involved with a hostile group. 

He didn’t believe you at first–insisting to drop the joke. Though after a few more explanations, his smile dwelled down to a deep frown. You could tell he wanted to kick you out, but something inside him didn’t. 

Until two months later.

His friends weren’t happy with you around and they didn’t like the possibility of you bringing them trouble. They had been able to stay in the dark, not meddling with anyone’s business. They wanted to keep it that way.

It’s not until you were followed one day, that they were attacked. Luckily, no one was badly injured since the attacker was outnumbered. Even though Mingi’s friends weren’t a part of criminal activities, they still trained in combat in case they needed it. They knew no group could ever truly be safe in this town.

Though, that was the breaking point of you seeing Mingi.

You hadn’t seen him since.

And you swore to yourself you wouldn’t have gone to their hideout tonight. You tried to escape the ambushers without any other help, but your partner was more injured than you. You couldn’t both run in your conditions.

Mingi’s hideout was the closest and so without much thought, you rushed your partner to the building.

“Done,” Mingi announced and set aside the needle. He reached up and slowly removed the towel from your mouth.

Your jaw hurt from clenching it so hard.

“T-thank you,” you said and peered down at your calf. The stitches were neatly done. 

Mingi hummed. He stood there, not saying a word as he scanned your face. You opened your mouth to say something, but for once, you didn’t have anything to say.

Mingi broke the silence. “You can’t come here again.” 

His words had your walls crumbling for a second too long. Mingi saw the hurt in your eyes, could see the way your body tensed as your flight mode was activated.

Fuck, you wish your heart didn’t feel so heavy right now.

“I know,” you sighed and pushed back the heaviness in your chest.

You climbed off the counter and Mingi’s hand shot out to steady your unbalanced body. The warmth from his large hands burned through your clothes.

Part of you wanted to push him away, but another part of you wanted to collapse in his arms. To beg for him to take back those words. To beg for him to see you as more than the person who committed crimes in the dark.

But Mingi did none of that.

Once you were steady, he retracted his hands.

“Hongjoong said you need to leave once your friend gets bandaged. Should be about ten more minutes,” he spoke and averted his eyes from you.

You couldn’t stop the scoff that escaped your lips at his friend’s name. That man had probably corrupted Mingi into thinking you were some demon who came to destroy Mingi. Though, were you really as good as you thought? Deep down you knew Hongjoong held some truth in his opinion of you, but you couldn’t help but feel he was a big reason why Mingi stayed away from you.

“And what do you say, Mingi?”

At the way you spoke his name, he looked at you again. His expression was a mix of regret and sorrow. 

“I’m not in char-”

“I don’t care. I want to know what you want.”

“It doesn’t matter.” 

Mingi turned away, but you didn’t let that last. You placed a hand on the side of his face and made him look at you. Hesitantly, he shifted his eyes down to you.

“I don’t matter to you?” you questioned.

Throughout the months you had known him, you had grown closer. The months when he didn’t know who you really were felt freeing. His laugh was something you never knew you needed in order to brighten your day. Feeling his strong arms wrapped around your shoulders as he held you against him during movie nights had stirred unwanted emotions. Even his friends were cordial toward you then.

“Just leave them,” Mingi whispered, eyes softening at the way you looked at him. 

He didn’t need to elaborate on his sentence. 

As more days passed without seeing Mingi, you desperately wanted to. You wanted to leave the crime world behind and live as any average person your age. But there were still secrets you kept from Mingi. One being your family was tied to the group you were a part of. You would never be allowed to leave.

“You know I can’t,” you replied sullenly.

“Can’t or won’t?”

“Even if I did, I couldn’t be with you.”

Mingi’s lips tugged lower. 

“Why not? You said you wanted me,” Mingi argued. 

You recalled the touching night with you and Mingi sprawled over the couch. The TV light illuminated the small room, but neither of you was paying attention to what was playing. You were only focused on each other–focused on the words of the other as you each confessed how you truly felt. The kisses he gave you that night were scorched inside your memory.

“It’ll be dangerous. I’ll never be able to leave completely.”

“You don’t really want this, do you?” Mingi questioned and tried to step away. He wasn’t believing your words, conjuring them up as excuses. Though, you placed a hand on his waist to stop him.

“Don’t say that,” you pleaded quietly. 

“You would leave them then. Hongjoong said we could be together if you were-”

“He was lying,” you interrupted with a frown. You knew Hongjoong would never approve of you. Not after he found out about your affiliations. You wondered if he knew the truth as to why you couldn’t leave.

“Hongjoong wouldn’t-”

“Meet me next week at the cafe,” you insisted. You knew your time here was running out. No doubt one of his friends was bound to come to kick you out soon.

“I shouldn’t,” he mumbled sadly, reluctantly.

“One last time. It’ll be on me,” you offered, a forced smile forming on your lips as you tried to lighten the mood.

Mingi shook his head and dropped his gaze. You inhaled deeply and nodded. You had come to the conclusion that it wouldn’t work anyway. You could sneak around for months, yet it wouldn’t change anything. In fact, you were sure it would only cause more harm. You would grow more attached as the days passed. 

Mingi was right. Meeting at the cafe wasn’t a good decision.

“Then kiss me once more,” you said and pushed your body closer. “For the road?”

Mingi chuckled lowly, eyes raising to yours finally.

“For the road,” he echoed and lowered his head.

The kiss was light for a moment but soon turned more fervent. He moved his lips against yours quickly. You missed the way he kissed you so passionately. You missed the way he held you so dearly. Mingi had always poured his emotions into his kisses. You could sense the hurt he was feeling at knowing he wouldn’t be able to call you his. And while it hurt you, too, you had tried not to show that.

But maybe if you didn’t, he would know how serious you were about him.

Though before you could deepen the kiss further, a voice tore you both apart.

“We gotta’ go,” your partner spoke to you.

Mingi pulled away but kept his eyes on yours. You wished so badly you could see his smile one more time.

Instead, you gave him a small smile of your own. It was something you hoped he could remember you by… If he chose to remember you at all.

“Maybe I’ll see you around?” you said hopefully, yet you knew that was highly unlikely.

Mingi knew it too, but even with that knowledge, he replied, “Yeah… I’ll see you around.”

You both lingered in the other’s arms–both unable to find the strength to pull away.

“Yn,” your partner urged somewhere behind Mingi.

“Got it,” you sighed and reluctantly stepped away from the man you had grown fond of.

Mingi, being the caring person he is, quickly reached for you as you staggered. 

“It’s okay,” you reassured and patted one of his hands that gripped your waist.

You peeled his hands from yours and walked slowly to your partner. You put your arms around each other and trudged out of the hideout, grabbing the package that caused all this on your way. Mingi and his friends watched you silently as you both limped away using each other as support.

Each step you took was more painful than the previous, yet you couldn’t tell if that pain emitted from the wound in your calf or the wound in your heart.

©️hongcherry // DO NOT REPOST OR MODIFY. Please consider reblogging if you liked this work to show your support. Feedback/commentary is always welcomed.

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

Hey! I listened to the time traveler’s wife audiobook while walking on a treadmill to work out. I thought if it only because of it’s relation to non-sequential. I really loved what you did with the idea and all the twists and turns! I’m at a loss for something else to listen to and I’d greatly appreciate any suggestion you might have. Ideally something light… nothing dark because that would likely freak me out when walking to my car when it’s dark out after my treadmill time.

OK to be completely honest, I am mostly reading like full on smutty romance novels 😂🤣.

I am being extremely vulnerable by sharing these. Full disclosure: a lot of them are extremely smutty and most are fantasy based and some include just straight up monster fucking. NO ONE JUDGE ME, OK?!

Broken Bonds by J. Bree

Nora’s Kraken by Leigh Miller

Clecanian series by Victoria Aveline

Literally anything Kathryn Moon writes

Pack Darling by Lola Rock

Bears in Mind by Sam Hall

Bonded by Thorns by Elizabeth Helen

The Right Move by Liz Thomforde

Practice Makes Perfect by Sarah Adams

Buttttttttt… if you’re not looking for that, I have very few recs for you at the moment. But my reading is only going up these days so I’m sure I’ll have better recs for you soon. Also some of these are actually very dark lol. I’m sorry. But it’s all I have 🥲:

A Court of Thorns & Roses (series) by Sarah J. Maas

Currently in the middle of reading her other series Throne of Glass

A Certain Hunger by Chelsea G. Summer

The Plated Prisoner (series) by Raven Kennedy

The Paris Apartment by Lucy Foley

[catflowerqueen]

Just saw an interesting discussion between @twinanimatronics and @crazedauthor here about the various jobs that people give Y/Ns in the Daycare Attendant fandom for FNAF Security Breach, and the reasoning behind them. It got me thinking about various scenarios and jobs that Y/Ns could have that, while not the “typical” ones, would still give them job-related reasons to interact with Sun and Moon on a regular basis.

…As well as some very AU scenarios where Y/N might not be entirely “human,” but might still find themselves hanging around.

And some scenarios are better for shipping purposes than others.

I’ll go ahead and put them under a readmore since I ended up thinking of… quite a lot them.

They are all up for grabs in case anyone wants to use them, though if they do end inspiring someone (whether via art or writing), then please @ me so I can take a look?

“Normal” jobs for Y/Ns

1. Remember when Michelle Obama did that thing with nutrition and school lunches? What if the Pizzaplex was also forced to make changes in the meals they serve the daycare attendants (or were just trying to jump on some health craze bandwagon and wanted to use the daycare kids to test some things out since they would basically be a captive audience) and Y/N was a chef or nutritionist hired specifically for the daycare?

2. A not-quite-OSHA person Fazbear’s hired to ensure that the bare minimum in safety standards is attained so that they don’t get in trouble with actual OSHA. They pay special attention to the daycare because parents are more likely to make safety complaints there (and also possibly because the daycare attendants secretly and deliberately break things/put in comments or complaints so that they have an excuse to see Y/N basically every day/night)

3. Random temp agency worker Y/N who keeps getting called to the Pizzaplex, especially after management noticed the positive effect they have on the daycare attendant. But they don’t actually want to give them a full-time position or anything, because then it would mean actually giving them benefits. And we all know how much Fazbear’s hates doing stuff like that.

4. Some sort or artist or designer who was called in to do some redecorating after the Pizzaplex suffered some major fire damage. One of the areas they were told to focus on is the daycare, so they end up spending a lot of time with Sun and Moon. More specifically—at the start, they basically see Sun and Moon as their actual “clients,” (since while Fazbear’s might be the one signing the paycheck, Sun and Moon are the ones who are going to be seeing the art every single day), so they want to make sure they paint something the two of them enjoy, and that they get their input when they can.

(And then even after the paint job is done—whether or not they’re the ones actually doing the painting—they stay on to do things like design promotional materials, flyers, etc. that would star the glamrocks and other animatronics—so they end up spending a lot of time “observing them for modelling purposes”)

5. Some random visitor who just got dragged into the daycare one day while Fazbear’s was trying to find a handler that Sun/Moon wouldn’t maim or otherwise scare off/whichever guard or employee was stationed there that day thought it was their break time or something because Y/N happened to be wearing a shirt that was either the same color or had a similar design to an actual employee’s shirt, and they were too meek/embarrassed/didn’t get the chance to clear up the confusion.

Either they then get hired for real (partially to stave off a potential lawsuit, partially because for some reason Sun and Moon actually liked them/Moon was put off his menacing game by the hilarity of the situation once he figured out what had happened that management just assumed it all worked out and Moon finds the situation funny enough to continue tolerating it), or it just keeps happening repeatedly (because, idk, Y/N is colorblind and doesn’t realize it or just doesn’t understand that the reason they keep getting pulled in is due to their outfits) until they pretty much basically are just an unpaid employee at that point and no one takes notice until, like, tax season or something when the paperwork isn’t matching up. Only then would someone would think to offer them an actual job.

(Hopefully including some amount of back pay and/or refunds for all the entry fees they paid to actually get into the pizzaplex—though that's unlikely, since this is Fazbear’s we’re talking about. Probably they’d just give a hush-money payout) (Also let’s assume that Sun and Moon don’t attack Y/N on sight for being an unauthorized adult in the daycare—this could probably be accomplished via a combination of them actually being in the customer database, since they would have paid an entry fee, and then the act of getting dragged/tossed in by an actual employee or management would put them under the “authorized” section and Sun and Moon would just assume that their being placed in the customer database was just some sort of glitch)

6. Similar to the above, Y/N is the identical twin to an actual employee (possibly one who has gone missing under mysterious circumstances…?) and Sun and Moon’s facial recognition programming gets them confused for their sibling. Then they find Y/N charming or interesting enough that they just don’t bother actually fixing this and/or just manually authorize them to be there.

7. Sort of similar to number 4, except this time Y/N is a musician/composer who was hired to update the music around the Pizzaplex and give the daycare more than one song to play. Again, Y/N wants Sun and Moon’s input since they are the ones who would be listening to the music all the time.

8. A student (possibly even a teenager, if we wanted to go the platonic friendship route) who needs to do community service as part of a civics class or something (like what we had to do in my high school) and chose the daycare. Or possibly an actual student teacher who is doing their required teaching hours at the daycare

9. A children’s book author who periodically comes to the daycare to volunteer so that they can make sure that their material stays relevant to their target audience and basically use the kids as a test audience. Possibly they also were or will get commissioned by Fazbear’s to write children’s stories about Sun, Moon, and the Glamrocks to act as further promotional material

10. Y/N is one of those people who are handlers for dogs and other therapy animals who regularly visits hospital patients and participates in those events where animals get taken to libraries so kids can read to them, thus practicing their own speaking and reading skills. The Pizzaplex regularly hires them to bring their pet/various animals to the daycare kids.

“Supernatural” explanations for Y/Ns continued presence in the daycare

1. Y/N is some form of grim reaper/psychopomp intern whose higher ups assigned them to basically watch Fazbear’s Entertainment as a whole because for some reason (*cough* William Afton messing around with forces he shouldn’t be messing around with—like remnant and glitchtrap possession nonsense *cough*) this industry generates a lot of weird paperwork, and even though it seems to have stopped in recent times (thanks to Gregory being the little menace that he is), they don’t want it happening again. But, also, it isn’t a very “prestigious” position, so they basically threw it to the new person—aka Y/N.

The daycare ends up fascinating them, because they normally aren’t in a position to be able to see people—and especially not children—just getting to happily enjoy living their lives. Usually when they come into contact with children, it is due to understandably sad or distressing circumstances. So this is a nice change of pace for them. …And, also, depending on who or what was actually causing those people to go missing, they might be curious about Sun and Moon for… other reasons.

Cue misunderstandings about the actual job of a grim reaper/psycopomp on Sun and Moon’s part as well as discussions about whether or not AI have “souls,” and “can a robot ever actually die,” the standard waxing philosophical that happens in these kinds of stories. And also probably Sun and Moon hating Y/N at the beginning for either the aforementioned misunderstandings about their actual job, or just plain them not being able to kick the unauthorized (in their minds) vaguely-adult person out of their daycare. Whether or not anyone else can see them is up for debate/the author’s discretion—whether this is because Y/N is actively hiding their presence from others, or if it is some sort of natural defense mechanism or whatever that Sun and Moon (and other animatronics) end up bypassing because they technically aren’t “humans”.

2. Y/N is a Borrower who lives in the Pizzaplex. A couple of possible scenarios here—like, they might come out and greet Sun and Moon directly because their non-human status grants them a loophole in the “don’t be seen by humans” rule. Or, for more angst, their family is gone—presumed (and most likely actually are) dead because the scouts who got sent out to search for a better location to live in the Pizzaplex/outside never came back. The reason they decided to find a better place to live? Sun and Moon are just that good at cleaning that the Borrowers couldn’t even find a single crumb to use as a food source, and the nearest pantry got a better door/lock that they couldn’t get in. Also, the tiny Music Man living in the vents will catch and kill them if they try and use that as a system to get around.

So an initial meeting between Y/N and Sun and Moon would probably involve Y/N deciding to utilize that loophole regarding species to come out and basically beg them for help—whether just to get them to use their giant height and long strides/the security wire to help Y/N travel a longer distance in a way shorter amount of time or to ask for some food because they are literally on the brink of starvation.

3. Y/N is some random ghost who, surprisingly enough, did not get killed due to anything Afton-related, but was still drawn to the Pizzaplex due to the aura of murder/some weird reaction to remnant and just decided to hang out there. Not even as a vengeful spirit or anything—they were basically just bored, and then Sun and Moon caught their attention. Possibly because it’s fun to troll them since they can’t actually kick Y/N out or effectively ban them for being an “unauthorized adult.” Also because the kids like their ghostly shenanigans.

4. Y/N is some sort of “imaginary friend” or “guardian spirit of the daycare” thing brought to life by a mix or weird remnant shenanigans and the power of the children’s imaginations/love and positive feelings for the daycare over a long period of time. They’re tied to the Daycare (at least at first), and it might actually be a situation where Sun and Moon are the ones to introduce them to the concept of the “outside world” (as limited as their own reach is), rather than the usual reverse.

5. A little similar to the above—except Y/N is specifically a beloved toy brought to life Velveteen Rabbit-style.

6. Y/N is a random cat/bird/dog/lizard who somehow found their way into the daycare and ends up basically becoming its mascot by the end. Possibly they were wild, possibly they were brought in specifically as a type of “class pet” scenario to help teach the kids about responsibility.

7. Kind of like number 10 for the “normal” jobs, except this time Y/N is the therapy animal in the equation who management assigned to Sun and Moon. Either they assigned Y/N to them specifically, or Y/N is supposed to be a general calming presence/mascot for the kids at large or act like one of those dogs that sometimes gets taken to libraries so kids can practice speech and reading skills via reading books to the animals.

If it’s the latter situation, then possibly you’d get a situation where Sun and Moon adopt them one day when their handler goes “missing” after leaving them behind in the daycare to go on a bathroom break or get food or something. Either the adoption is secret, or Management just basically tells Sun and Moon to “deal with it” as part of covering up their actual handler’s disappearance. Whether the “deal with it” was literal or… y’know… a euphemism for something else is up to you—but the end result is Y/N gets adopted by the Daycare attendant.

Also, they probably get an "official" rename to something like "Cloud," just to further hide their original owner's disappearance.

(…Wow, this ended up getting long…)

[crazysnor1ax]

More Don't Starve headcanons please! Wilba and Wurt and other characters of your choice this time.

Round three!!

Wilba

She is a puppy dog in her wereform. She's violent, but if you get on her good side she WILL ask for belly rubs and beg for food.

She hates getting dirty and will throw a fit if something gets on her dress

Constantly brushes her hair to make sure it looks nice

Fights with Wurt A LOT. It's never violent, but just little kid fights. They only get along and work together because the adults make them.

Good friends with Walter! Loves Woby and loves learning about survival things from him and exploring with him.

Full moons are usually spent playing with the other survivor kiddos, if she’s not wearing her necklace (which she usually doesn’t anymore, since the full moon’s effects only last for a single day now)

She has one of those snort laughs, for somewhat obvious reasons (hopefully)

More of a headcanon for Wendy but I’ll put it here anyway: Wendy LOVES the way Wilba talks and spends a lot of time with her just to hear her dialect

Wurt

LOVES to swim. If the group is sailing she will demand to swim beside the boat.

Has both gills and lungs so she can breathe on land and on water. Her gills are weak though, since she spends of time on land (even before she met the survivors).

Does not like to wear clothes as scandalous as that sounds LOL. Merms just don't wear clothes normally so Wurt doesn't like to wear whatever the survivors make her wear.

Cannot sleep without a bedtime story. Because of this, her and Wendy are good friends since they both get read to before they sleep!

Relating to the above one, Wendy also helps Wurt learn to read rather than just Wickerbottom.

She always boasts about having claws and looking scary but she’s terrified of fighting

Wheeler

Gay gay homosexual gay (jokes aside, she’s a lesbian and everyone knows it.)

I like to to think she used to have a fear of heights but once she actually went flying (ballooning?????) that went away REAL fast

She will refuse to wear any shoes that aren’t her boots

Loves the monster kids!!! And they love her back <3

She keeps asking Winona to launch her with her catapult to see if she can get any air but is, of course, turned down every time

She doesn’t like how calm the waters are now in the Constant compared to how they were in Shipwrecked. Because of that she normally wouldn’t go sailing, but the chance of something attacking them or a pirate raid gets her excited.

She gets annoyed whenever someone tells her to use a weapon that isn’t the Pew-Matic

Loves Beefalo! Doesn’t mind taking care of them despite how messy they are. She’s usually the first in the group to domesticate one, because it means adventure later >:3

She INSISTS on killing giants with everyone but everyone has to convince her that some of the others should do the job (like Wig and Wolfgang)

Winona is her best friend and they do everything together I am 100% correct about this one Klei told me themselves

Love the caves an unhealthy amount. Someone always has to go with her to make sure she comes out again LOL

Whenever she comes across something new she must put it in the Pew-Matic immediately

[loosepocketchange01]

Hellloooo! Whumptober is coming up and the prompts are officially out! So much potential for batfam fics! I wanna do something a little different this year (which will hopefully also get me motivated lol). I am taking any and all (reasonable) requests for (platonic) batfam fics relating to the whumptober prompts (imagine there’s cheering and clapping please)

All you gotta do is send in an ask with the day number, prompt you’d like (or alternate if that applies), and title! I am super excited to be doing this, this year!

This will also become similar to a master list once whumptober is over. Under each prompt, I’ll put the link towards the fic (LoosePocketChange on AO3!) some fics, depending on how it goes, will also be posted here on tumblr.

Happy whumping! Can’t wait to see what you guys choose!

No. 1: “But now this room is spinning while I’m trying just to fill in all the gaps.”

Safety Net | Swooning | “How many fingers am I holding up?”

No. 2: “I’ll call out your name, but you won’t call back.”

Thermometer | Delirium | “They don't care about you.”

No. 3: “Like crying out in empty rooms; with no-one there except the moon.”

Journal | Solitary Confinement | “Make it stop.”

No. 4: “I see the danger, It’s written there in your eyes.”

Cattle Prod | Shock | “You in there?”

No. 5: “You better pray I don't get up this time around.”

Debris | Pinned Down | “It's broken.”

No. 6: “Do or die, you’ll never make me; Because the world will never take my heart.”

Recording | Made to Watch | “It should have been me.”

No. 7: " “I paced around for hours on empty; I jumped at the slightest of sounds.”

Alleyway | Radio Silence | “Can you hear me?”

No. 8: “I’ve got soul, but I’m not a soldier.”

Overcrowded ER | Outnumbered | “It’s all for nothing.”

No. 9: “Learning everything ain't what it seems, that's the thing about these days.”

Polaroid | Mistaken Identity | “You're a liar.”

No. 10: “Can’t you see that you’re lost without me?”

Broken Phone | Stranded | “You said you'd never leave.”

No. 11: “All the lights going dark and my hope’s destroyed.”

Animal trap | Captivity | “No one will find you.”

No. 12: “I haven't slept in days but who's counting?”

Red | Insomnia | “I’m up, I’m up.”

No. 13: “It comes and goes like the strength in your bones.”

Cold Compress | Infection | “I don’t feel so good.”

No. 14: “Feed me poison, fill me ‘till I drown.”

Flare | Water Inhalation | “Just hold on.”

No. 15: “I don't need you to help me I can handle things myself.”

Makeshift Bandages | Suppressed Suffering | “I’m fine.”

No. 16: “Would you lie with me and just forget the world?”

Gurney | Flatline | “Don’t go where I can’t follow.”

No. 17: “You’re the lump in my throat and the knot in my chest.”

Collar | Touch Aversion | “Leave me alone.”

No. 18: “I tend to deflect when I’m feeling threatened.”

Blindfold | Tortured For Information | “Hit them harder.”

No. 19: “I’ll take one final step, all you have to do is make me.”

Floral Bouquet | Psychological | “I’m not as stupid as you think I am.”

No. 20: “People don’t change people, time does.”

Blanket | Found Family | “You will regret touching them.”

No. 21: “See the chains around my feet.”

Vows | Restraints | “Don't move.”

No. 22: “They never saw us coming, ‘til they hit the floor.”

Glass Shard | Vehicular Accident | “Watch out!”

No. 23: “It’s gonna get me by the end of the night.”

Shadows | Stalking | “Who’s there?”

No. 24: “I’ve got a head full of chemicals; mouth full of ridicule.”

Goodbye Note | Neglect | “I thought they were with you.”

No. 25: “You’re not delivering a perfect body to the grave.”

Storm | Buried Alive | “They’re not breathing!”

No. 26: “Sometimes I get so tired; I don’t even know myself.”

Seeing Double | Working To Exhaustion | “You look awful.”

No. 27: “You drew stars around my scars; But now I’m bleeding.”

Matches | Scars | “Let me see”

No. 28: “We might not make it to the morning; so go on and tell me now.”

Bloody Knife | Sacrifice | “You'll have to go through me.”

No. 29: “I only sink deeper the deeper I think.”

Scented Candle | Troubled Past Resurfacing | “What happened to me?”

No. 30: “It’s okay, just to say, ‘I’m not okay’.”

Borrowed Clothing | Bridal Carry | “Not much longer...”

No. 31: “I thought that I was getting better.”

Emptiness | Setbacks | “Take it easy.”

Alternatives List:

Betrayal

Aftermath of Failure

Brass Knuckles

Decoy

Body Modification

Playing Cards

Examination

Hunting

Drugging

Shaking

Panic

Broken

Miscommunication

Lab Rat

Reluctant Whumper

[chronicallycozygamer]

Wylde Flowers

Played on: iPad 9th generation, with 8BitDo Ultimate Bluetooth controller

Accessibility: ★★★★★

Storyline: ★★★★★

Game mechanics: ★★★★☆

If you love Harvest Moon/Story of Seasons and its descendants like Stardew Valley, Wylde Flowers is for you. It’s available on Steam, Nintendo Switch and Apple Arcade and offers several hours of cozy playtime for you to enjoy. It has won several awards already and for good reasons: Wylde Flowers brings an interesting and relatable female protagonist, a very diverse cast of characters and what it lacks in customization, it makes up in stellar voice acting and a wonderful soundtrack. And yes, just like most of these farming simulators, there are romanceable characters, but finding love is not a requirement - you can enjoy the entire game while staying friends with everyone if no one catches your eye. I personally chose to date however, because it’s something I enjoy in those games, and I’d like to suggest you wait until Summer to choose (not everyone you can pick is already in town is the only thing I’ll say).

As someone who’s dexterity is not the best, I was pleasantly surprised to find that every task and activity on your farm can be performed with a single button. Watering your crops, fishing, cutting down trees, splitting boulders - same button, no button mashing, no complex mini-game (looking at you Stardew), etc. The energy bar is well balanced and you can easily recover energy in various ways throughout the game. Also, there is no chance of you passing out due to exhaustion since if you try to perform an action that requires energy on an empty bar, Tara will alert you that she’s out of strength and that she should eat something. No more accidental axe swing that lends you at the clinic!

The storyline seemed a little confusing at first, what with being dropped in the game without the eternal “You have inherited a farm” prologue, but within a few in-game days, you should understand what’s happening. Tara (the name of your character) has come to Fairhaven for a reason, but it’s your job to find her purpose. The game has choice based conversations at many points, where you choose a little bit of Tara’s personality, priorities, and interests. Do you like the cold? Did you prefer the city to this little farm? It’s never anything major but it’s enough for Tara to feel more like you, if you choose to do so. These also influence how others react to you and how certain events play out, which gives this game a nice replay value.

The diversity in my opinion is some of the best I’ve seen in a video game like this. Sure, there might be the odd Black character in other games, but how many times have you played a game where the NPCs are not three limited shades of peach? From Damon Mthembu-Haas (South African) to Giva Joshi (Indian), the game has a range of ethnicities and religious backgrounds (save some beeswax for the menorah, thank me later) that are believable and not just forced diversity. Not only is the cast diverse in race, but also in gender and sexuality - nonbinary, gay, lesbian, plenty of characters are at least implied to be bisexual (yours included if you decide). The game has been a GLAAD nominee in the 34th iteration of the awards for its representation, so this isn’t just a personal opinion. The only unbelievable part is that everyone, regardless of their own identity, accepts everyone else for who they are, something that unfortunately doesn’t happen often enough in the real world.

Now, the only reason I didn’t give the game mechanics full mark is because of two things: time limits and confusing heart events schedule. While similar farm simulators have always had events, in Wylde Flowers, some things have very time dependent. Complete these specific quests before a festival for example, but these quests are given to you in quick succession and suddenly you have several crops to grow as quick as possible and recipes to make before a certain day. Or (slight spoilers) we must change the season quick or else everyone is in trouble and certain things keep going wrong. If there’s one thing I don’t like in life, it’s being rushed. I’d like to enjoy my days without wondering if my fennel is going to be ripe in time to save a life, thank you very much. For the hearts events, the characters aren’t always where you expect them to be on their schedule and it’s hard to find where you’re supposed to meet them without looking it up. If you’ve memorized that Lina is at her store from 8AM to 5PM except for Thursday and Sunday (where she can be found in the woods), it’s very possible that you’ll miss her standing in front of the school one day (during school hours!) for a friendship event.

However, the game itself is remarkable. If you have hours to spare and a need for coziness, give Wylde Flowers a try. Wishlist it and let Studio Drydock know that you enjoy their work, we could use more games like theirs!

[silveme]

i will admit that since im mobile-only i cant actually read the playlist description BUT, i can very clearly tell characters/themes sections , and that some sections made me laugh out loud when certain songs would play, like specifically, hitting us with back to back songs that make made me laugh way harder than i probably should have been laughing, memorably,

Puppet Boy immediately followed by Under My Skin, so meaaan to them

the one-two punch of fuck my boss and da biggest bird.........

the combo of Just The Two Of Us and Thats Life,

the man who sold the world. BACK FROM THE DEAD STRAIGHT OUT THE CASKET RISING UP OPEN UP YOUR EYES CANT YOU SEE ME WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS

the cars themed songs, ejsus fucking ..

starting out with a man without love is Perfect ... the first four songs paint such a picture like thr opening of a film except the fourth song is camel by camel of all things,

heaven knows im miserable now. i was looking for a job and then i found a job. making plans for nigel. then ghost.

i can go on (which would be me continuing to state the obvious) but im not planning on editing this ask once i type it out so (sweating) im so sorry....

there are some fantastic choices you can kinda tell who listens to what via vibes , even though obviously no i couldnt actually figure out that marc listens to will smith. but there is a VERY clear switch between steven music, marc music, jake music, plot music, setting music, show mystery atmosphere music, etc. even their mercenary background,

this is only somewhat related to the playlist, but i didnt realize that My Way Of Life was the song that jake was playing in the last scene, and then when you put frontier psychiatrist in there, did yoy know that that song is sampled in there. the That Boy Needs Therapy song. sampling the song that was playing when jake makes his appearance at khonshu's behest, a song that is all in one an admission of defeat, a prayer, and a claim. can i speak to the directors was this on purpose (shaking someone wildly by the shoulders)

your sense of humor shines through the entire thing even from the photo and the GET THE FRIES title reference which im still laughing to myself about it like an idiot and as i finished the playlist i was thinking to myself like. Thats it, Thats The Whole Show 👍👍 We've Covered Literally Everything yknow i marathoned this playlist but this playlist is so long that by the time i hit the end of the playlist after marathoning it i was driving home from work free bird'ing down the highway like I DID IT ... WHAT AN EXPERIENCE...

Yeeeesssssss

YEEEEESSSSSSSSSS

YOU GET ITTT

literally kicking my feet in the air giggling and silently screaming while reading this THANK YOU!! AND YES IT IS THE PERFECT PLAYLIST TO MARATHON I ALWAYS PUT IT ON WHILE WORKING. Also good to know that everyone else can’t see the description on mobile too, damn I thought I was doing something wrong. it goes like this “We’ll need the energy in the coming days…THE ULTIMATE MOON KNIGHT PLAYLIST In order: miscellaneous, Marc, Steven, Jake. I’m always updating and curating this! Also check out my Layla playlist”

Followers who don’t care about the best moon knight playlist ever pls scroll now or forever hold your peace cause I’m about to wig out✌️

This whole playlist is very much my personal music taste both old and new so I’m so glad other people love it too. Like I’m 20 and I’ve been listening to some of these songs since middle school (and one since elementary school….”awoken” LOL) and some is my more recent music taste

So anyway without further ado, here is some of my personal favorite moments on the playlist, I’ll try to keep it in order, strap in.

MISCELLANEOUS

• Nutcracker suite Arabian dances: im very much a classical lover as you can probably tell by now but this has always been my favorite classical piece. It’s just sooooo “I’m tired and injured and trudging through the desert under the light of the full moon. I’m exhausted but I have to keep going” love itttttt

• Leopard: this song is literally always switching up!! Just like moon knight lol. One moment it’s sad and slow, next moment it’s anxious and fast, and then it’s smooth and chill. Need I say more.

MARC

• Back from the dead: “BLOW, YA TAKIN 2 SHOTS TO YA CHEST”

• Hunter: this one is very special to me cause it’s probably my favorite song of all time at the moment. It’s sort of the same deal with the nutcracker suite where it’s like you just have to keep on marching and do what you can to survive cause there’s not really a home you can go back to. It feels lonely, ghostly, desolate, and steadfast. So marc and so knightly. “I tried to organize freedom- you sussed it out didn’t you? You could smell it so you left me on my own, to complete the mission, now I’m leaving it all behind.” Very him and Khonshu am I right or am I right. HES GOING HUNTING. HES THE HUNTER!

• Pluto: this is a more recent addition, it’s just so visceral and violent. Like Marc! I also specifically added the live version with the strings cause it sounds so much moreee. Unhinged? Enraged? “Excuse me, I just have to explode this body” “I’ll wake up tomorrow brand new, a little tired, but brand new” just like going to bed as maRC AND WAKING UP AS STEVEN CMONNNNNN

• Dirty Harry: mercenary days marc moment

• mercure scene 1, la nuit: same thing as nutcracker suite and hunter. WE GOTTA KEEP MOVING EVEN THO WE’RE SO TIRED

• Off with his head: middle school classic of all time to me. It’s so “ugh. Gotta kill all these people to sate this ancient gods will. Sorry, I promise I don’t want to 😬”

• Awoken: relistening to old mlp fandom songs I used to love when I was little and then realizing one of them fit Marc Spector of all characters actually incredibly well felt like unearthing an ancient cursed relic. I literally still cannot believe it

• All the Will Smith songs: Marc speeds on the highway when he drives. And when he does, he’s blasting this. Also he doesn’t like any other musician besides will smith. He has literally had the exact same music taste since 1997 #comfortmusic

• Get out of my house: MARC IS THE HOUSE.

• All the love: the phone calls. THE PHONE CALLS. Did I mention the phone calls? The sighs too UGH. I’m imagining Marc coming back to that storage locker and listening to all the voicemails Steven had left him thinking he was calling their mom. Also am I crazy thinking the last “good night” sounds EXACTLY like Steven?

• Sandpaper kisses: “your gonna a leave her. You have deceived her. Just a girl, with featherweight curls” Layla 😭

• The moon/ Awake: EVERY. LYRIC. HITS. It fits the relationship between him and Steven amazingly. “When sins of sons to fathers come, too heavy is the weight. THE SPIRIT SPLIT IN TWO” <- when I heard that while looking for songs to add to this playlist my jaw dropped. ITS TOO REAL

STEVEN

• Ok let’s go: the moon/ awake to ok let’s go is the transition from Marc to Steven. It��s basically Steven being like “is this too much to take? That’s ok, I’ll take it from here” like he’s there to put Marc’s pieces back together after everything. It’s stevens introduction bc that’s his purpose after all. He’s picking up where Marc left off

• Diary: Goldfish problem vibes. “Dear diary, What a day it’s been. Dear Diary, it’s been just like a dream” “at night I can’t sleep, I toss and turn” also the guy is British so that’s a plus

• the miku song (I can’t type Japanese) : Steven grant anime opening. He’s running late to work with toast in his mouth

• COUNT THOSE FREAKS: literally episode 2. Mr knight vs that jackal vibes

• Sinking feeling, Only dreaming: I’m gonna lump these 2 together cause they have the same gist. Steven realizing that he isn’t completely alone and those strange occurrences and dreams are much much much more than they seem. His life is a lie! Poor man’s being put through the mental ringer.

• Linger a while: It’s just so british sounding you know what I mean? It’s so Steven nervously plodding along

•Oivomaintnt: steven grant walking simulator

• Wake up ( it’s 1984): “two worlds apart, BUT SO!! CLOSE!!!!!!”

• Is anybody here?: ohhhhohhh so Steven. Everything abt it is so perfect but here’s my fav lyrics “I left my soul exposed to frail hands who hold my fate up in the air.” Aka khonshus spindly witch fingers. “Waking in the afternoon, a captive in a passive tomb, moments turn to long Decembers, stoking fires from dying embers. I try To move a limb, but there's a disconnect within. A devil in the alchemy. A phantom staring back at me.ITS YOUUUUU” disassociation moment. He is quite literally slipping out of consciousness and losing days or even months of time. Also….a phantom….OR A SPECTOR

• Steal away: ok I lied this is the one song that’s based off vibes. It’s just Steven what can I say

• It only takes a moment, somethin stupid, might tell you tonight: HES FALLING IN LOVE FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME 😭😭😭

• Ghost: Steven being like “hey maybe actually not being alone isnt so bad :)” again, a ghost….OR A SPECTOR! Ehhhhhh? ;D

JAKE

• you belong to me: Marc and Steven may be free, but Jake? mmmm not so much :/ wherever they go, whatever they do, he still belongs to Khonshu.

• What you won’t do for love: “I guess you wonder where I’ve been”

• Desalento: I don’t speak Portuguese so I don’t exactly know what this song is about but it’s just so Jake vibes. Esp near the end

• The most cursed hands/ who am I: first part is cool but disregard it. The real reason why I added it is at the very end. “Who am I? Just a gambler, holding aces in the devil's eyes. What is wrong? What's the sin? Where's the answer? Where the hell do I fit in? Or could it be, there's just a little demon lost in the debris? And I, should idly bide my time until a wager releases me” cmonnnn that is so good. Where does jake fit in in all this? Steven and Marc are already a team but Jake is disconnected from them, where does he go in the story? Also the little demon lost in the debris is KHONSHU, they thought they defeated him but heyyyy he’s still there just in secret now. And what can Jake do but follow his orders till he’s released! “It can’t remain unknown” his existence can’t stay hidden forever! Also the vibes at this part are just so suave and Jakey.

• how I could just kill a man: marc and steven are soooo free and don’t have to do shit anymore but guess who’s left to do all the dirty work now? JAKE! And he’s pissed! “When your up on the hill in your big home, I’m out here riskin my dome”

• Vroom Vroom: obligatory

• Tardigrade song: Jake lockley is one tough son of a bitch. He can take pretty much everything you throw at him, since that is literally his purpose. He wakes up after years of hibernation, kicks ass in the most inhospitable conditions imaginable, then goes to sleep again. Just like a tardigrade!

• We fly high: I have this image in my head of Jake rolling up to an avengers meeting and you can hear this from the parking lot blasting in the moon knight mobile before he gets out and slams the door. They’re all looking down at him from the window like “ughhhh who invited that guy” “not me” “me neither” “I think he just invited himself” *door bursts open* “eyyyy fugeddaboutit” It’s like his theme song to me, it’s what plays when he rolls up into frame wearing sunglasses. He’s just balling. Simple as. Steven: ouch! He bit me!😰 Jake: no I didn’t 😎😏

Freebird: and what a perfect way to end the playlist. Wow look you made it way to go, now let’s make our car do flips and donuts in the avengers office parking lot 🥳🙌

Sorry if that was too much, I always think about these when I listen to it which is still fairly often. I’ve never gotten to discuss these things with anyone! Delighted to hear that you enjoyed it!!!!! Hope it helped you discover some really amazing songs. THANK YOU!!!!!!! 💕

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki 2011 JAPAN 乙女❤Festival Secret Love Messages

the number of things I can translate was cut down since the posts on the blog.sina associated websites no longer seem to be accessible... as I didn’t save a lot of things. 

granted i think most of content I didn’t save was related to the SSL, one of the movie novels, and the reimeiroku summer days content, but still!

anyway.

this time’s translation is short... and im not entirely sure if this was a seiyuu spoken message thing at the 2011 「JAPAN 乙女❤Festival」 event or something printed... not sure if I’ll be able to check since the post I found this content from is no longer accessible to me and well, i don’t feel like redownloading the event rip itself. 

Hakuoki 2011 「JAPAN 乙女❤Festival」 Secret Love Messages

Translation by KumoriYami

Kazama Chikage

It's unusual for you to be alone. Oh, don't be so wary, I'm not going to do anything to you tonight. I just heard that there was a banquet/party going on. I heard that everyone in the Shinsengumi is in the training grounds, but I don't intend to take you there. But I would never alone like this. ...It can't be helped, until those guys come back, I'll accompany you. ...Why? Because you're  the one who is going to be my wife. If something happened to my future wife, I would be very troubled. It would be perfectly fine to take you away like this, but that would be boring. ....They seem to have returned. I'll come back another day to pick you up.

Hijikata Toshizou

Ha~ then, I'll leave the rest to you. What, it's you. Everyone's still training so you should take a break. ...Tonight's a full moon. Ah. Huh? No, I was just reminiscing. I  was just thinking that before, everyone would drink and make a lot of noise whenever there was a full moon. Ha... I'm too busy to do that sort of thing right now, but I was happy back then. However now isn't the time to indulge in such memories. Alright! We should go. What are you doing? Break time's over. Follow me! Let's go!

Saito Hajime

What are you doing here. I must have told you not to leave my side while practising. Are you worried. Nn, I thought so from looking at your face. I don't know what you're thinking, but if you are willing, I can be the one for you to talk to.... though I'm still performing my duties now. I will listen to you once we go back. But for now, focus on the troop and put aside your thoughts. Ah, it's a promise. Let's go. Stay at my side and don't leave again.