#or like they will ask why i rescheduled if i can pick up prescriptions

[tardis--dreams]

Lord grant me the strength to call my psychiatrist's office to ask for a new prescription tomorrow

[nathank77]

3/26/24

7:22 p.m-Updated/Added to/Edited

I have my t-shot tomorrow and I see my PCP Thursday. So I'm still stressed about this week once I see my PCP I will be less stressed. I will finally have less doctors appts just my biweekly t-shots, therapy 3 days a week, 1 monthly bloodwork, and that's it mostly.

I got my thyroid ultrasound April 1st and the dentist April 12th and my ultrasound on my lower region on April 17th... and then my bloodwork right now on April 23rd but I'm thinking about scheduling it to April 16th.. I mean it'll be 4 days earlier than last month's bloodwork but approximately 2 months that I've been on methimazole... I want to do it earlier to make sure I don't go too hypo if I'm actually going into remission. I'll probably reschedule it. Also I'm sure I'll have to see my PCP again for insomnia. She's keeping me on a tight leash.. it's going to be monthly appts as long as i use benzodiazepines for sleep.

Either way I got to make time for my eye doctor depending on when she can fit me in.. and i may have to move stuff around....but I'll deal with that when the time comes.. tomorrow...

I'm worried about my pcp appt and the benzodiazepine script... I hate having to open up with a lie. My tongue isn't gross cause I scrape it twice daily but it will not heal.... I'm kinda forced to lie cause behavioral health only wants me to take antipsychotics...she won't be able to say psychiatrist anymore if I lie and that's important...

I called the investigation unit to ask questions and I explained why I want to lie and at first it didn't seem like he understood, it seemed like he thought I wanted to lie about Kristen. I explained I needed to lie to my PCP to get a quality of care I'm being denied bc of my diagnosis. I think he finally understood it but he said the people I wrote on the release of Information, Elise, Kristen, Mike and Erin. They would request records. They could call but it's a case by case basis. They could even meet in person with anyone on that release form...

He said that he could request information from my PCP but not talk to her unless I give them the right to which I won't.. but I guess I'm going to have to write that paragraph really well. And have it somewhere near the top so they understand I'm lying about recovering to re-humanize myself and remove that label and the stigma...

He said the investigation might not even get looked at past reading the paperwork. He said it could take 6 weeks. He said it could take a year.

I guess I'll have to consider whether to get my medical card considering this time frame. I guess I have to consider that when they look at my case considering sleep/benzo/insomnia and all that is like half my argument, they likely will pull my records from my PCP.

I'm worried they'll tell her I still have auditory hallucinations but I don't think they can... I'm worried if they do i will lose my prescription and my doctor. Losing my PCP will really mess things up for me. Its hard getting benzos. It's hard having biweekly appts for my t-shot. They are super reliable. So reliable, that my xanax is already ready for renewal in early April when I don't need to refill until April 5th.. I won't pick it up any earlier either.

So I'm kinda in a rock and a hard place. I can occlude auditory hallucinations from everything at this point but when it comes to my PCP, I either lie.... and worry about it impeding my investigation/losing my PCP... or I tell the truth and keep getting referred out to Behavioral health and have to stay on xanax....

Idk what to do but damn fucking Kristen. My tongue doesn't hurt but it's gross even though it isn't. It won't heal and I just want to switch to Halcoin...

Idk what to do, I don't want to lie to begin with. Yet I feel I have to but this investigation scares me cause if my PCP finds out I lied bc i wanted my insomnia to be treated as a separate issue, I could lose a lot.

If I tell the truth well I don't even think she will even listen to me about halcion...

I have 3 ideas:

1) lie and know in my heart, that they can't share information with her. They can only obtain information.. but my anxiety is like what if? And I can't turn it off..

2) tell the truth, have her say Behavioral health and have my tongue never heal. Continue to treated like a mental case....psychotic. unable to make good decisions. Have my quality of care be lower than it should be..

3) tell a stretch of the of truth, I hallucinate only a few times a day now. Only during the day... it's actually countable. Then even if the board contacts her directly, my records will still say I hallucinate, they won't tell her I'm stretching the truth bc they will also think that my hallucination has improved. However she still may say behavioral health..

Idk what the fuck to do. My anxiety is like lying can bite you in the ass.

You already have a turtle biting your tongue and it won't heal so you're already being bit in the ass.

Telling a stretch of the truth can help but she will still be like you're hallucinating so behavioral health..

Idk what to do. I have a lot of thinking to do. Calling the investigation unit actually made it worse...

Why? Cause now I'm like what if they can meet with my PCP bc of my benzo script and the way I was when I came to them in December is an important part of my case... they'll say he was a mess. Unable sleep. He looked like he didn't sleep. He was suffering.

I am so anxious bc i have to make this decision by Thursday. I can tell the truth, now. Submit my paperwork and lie in April. Or May when I go back cause this is going to be a monthly appt.. but that's another month of my tongue looking like shit.

Idk if they can actually tell her what I reported I doubt it but I know they can pull my records. Idk what to do. I'm sick of hearing behavioral health. What it really means is----> go on antipsychotics then I'll consider changing your benzodiazepine to a different one with a comparable dosage..but I'd rather your psychiatrist do that cause you're, "psychotic."

Of course I could not say auditory hallucination. She didn't bring it up last time... but I did. When I called about the temazepam, the receptionist was like if you're seeing and hearing stuff you need to go to a psychiatrist we might discharge you from our practice if you keep calling/showing up. I showed up a few times for random things. Once or twice was the benzodiazepine... but the other 2 or 3 times I didnt say a word about them... so there is a reason Im scared..

And just the fact that they said seeing things.... I never reported seeing things cause I fucking don't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I don't have visuals. It's obv they think I'm completely crazy. This is why I want to peel off the fucking label.

I know I have to take things one day at a time but I got to plan what I'm going to say Thursday. Whats best for me and the investigation. But overall what best for ME.

Whats best for me is to lie.... although I'll always be scared it'll bite me in the ass and cause me to lose my PCP getting another reliable benzodiazepine script will not be fucking easy... getting discharged from this place will severely effect my health...

If I don't submit the report, Kristen gets to live her perfect life and I have to, "live," like I have been living... but then I can lie with no worries.... and get the best quality of care...then again my PCP may be like idc if you don't hallucinate anymore, I would never percribe such a high dose...

What's best for me is reporting Kristen... what's best for me is lying to my PCP and getting the best quality of care.... assuming the lack of hallucinations would make her more willing to perscribe .50 of halcion. Which .25 is the largest dose tablet and I'm asking for TWO A NIGHT. With hallucinations there is no way she will listen to me but without them she may cause it becomes MEDICAL. Although she may still be like that's wayy too much I'd NEVER.

What's not best for me is having the investigation cause my quality of care to be lower than it should be preventing me from lying bc of anxiety and the potential they will talk to her. I suppose as a person I have the right to say you can obtain records from my PCP but you cannot talk to her under any circumstances...idk..

I'm very anxious about it. It seems there is no right answer...

I'm going to think about it nonstop until Thursday and figure out what I should do. I'm so anxious.

[justthehiddleswrites]

Accidently Married | Tom Hiddleston x OFC | Chapter 4 | You should worry about the people you care about. I mean, I worry about you all the time.

A/N:  Tom makes certain comments about an ex (who is unnamed).  It is a fictional girlfriend, take from it what you will.  Keep your hate to yourself.  

SERIES MASTERLIST HERE

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x OFC (Molly Bishop)

Summary: Tom is stuck in a news cycle from hell; Molly is stuck in the dead end job of bartending with a pile of student and credit debt.  Tom has an idea to solve all their problems.  Get married, get the paparazzi off his back, divorce after a year and Tom pays off Molly’s debts.  Tom has everything figured out, that is until he sees Molly as more than a just a friend and so does someone else.  In this vying for affections who will win, the handsome Brit or the boy from Boston?

This Chapter: Molly is making friends and life is settling into a routine until Molly gets sick and Tom takes care of her.  

Warnings: fake marriage, smut (vaginal sex), mentions of:  child abuse/neglect, foster care, substance abuse, cheating.

TAGLIST IS OPEN! PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED!  THANK YOU FOR READING!

–

Molly left that afternoon with two new numbers in her phone and a lunch date for next week.

“Can’t believe you are having lunch with my mother and sister without me.” Tom pouted on the way back.

“Once they heard I wasn’t working and didn’t know anyone, they insisted. Was I supposed to say no?” 

“You could have scheduled it when I could come.” 

“But you are so busy. And talented.” She poked his side. 

“I’m driving here, darling.”

“Sorry, but just one question…” They pulled up to a red light.”

“What?”

“Are you ticklish?” she attacked his side and Tom squirmed and giggled.

“You will be the death of me.” He panted as Molly stopped when the light was green.

“Note to self. Tom is very ticklish.” 

“No, no notes to self. That is something you can promptly forget.”

Molly batted her eyelashes. “But real husbands and wives would know these things about each other. We have to pull this off for an entire year, right?”

“Fine, but expect revenge.” Tom wagged a finger at Molly. 

“I’ll sleep with one eye open.” 

-

Over the next several weeks, Tom and Molly fell in a routine. The marriage certificate came in the mail and they applied for a family visa for Molly to stay there.

“I didn’t think you would want to become a citizen.”

Molly smirked. “No, not right now.”

A new debit card came in for Molly. 

“With great power…” Tom handed it over.

“Yeah, yeah, Loki.” she tucked into her wallet. “I am burdened with glorious purpose. To keep you well fed.” 

Molly had a standing date with Emma every two weeks, much to Tom’s consternation. They continued running together in the mornings. Tom, more often than not, ended it with a kiss. 

“This is becoming quite the nasty habit, Mr. Hiddleston.” she commented one morning.

“Then stop me, Mrs. Hiddleston.” He pecked her lips again. 

Molly blushed. “You just love what they are saying about us in the papers.” She pushed Tom away and towards the door. 

“I will admit the good news is definitely a perk. Plus, you are such lovely company.” He went to hug her, but she pushed him away.

“You are all sweaty, Tom. Take a shower and I will make breakfast.”

“French toast?” he asked hopefully.

“You ate the last of the bread yesterday.” 

“Pancakes?”

“I think I can swing pancakes, if…” She held up a finger. “You also eat a side of fruit.”

“Deal.” Tom headed towards his room wearing a huge grin. 

Molly shook her head as she grabbed a mixing bowl out. “Lunatic.”

-

One morning, Molly wasn’t awake when Tom got up to run. She almost always beat Tom up, sipping a cup of tea in the living room, reading a magazine or one of the books from his shelf. There was a small stack building on a side table of the ones she finished reading. But that morning, no half-drunk cup of tea perched precariously on the coffee table. No crossword puzzle half done in pen. 

Tom peaked into Molly’s bedroom. The covers, in colors of navy and grey, just like his, pulled up tight around her. There were a few prints of classic travel posters on the wall. 

“Molly, darling.” He called out. Usually that was all it took to roust Molly from her sleep and get her going for the day. Today, nothing. Tom stepped into the room. He felt like an intruder in his own home. 

“It’s time for our run, love.” He said a bit louder this time. 

Molly rolled over, groaning and coughing. Tom’s brow furrowed. He didn’t like the sound of that cough. Tom sat down on the edge of the bed and rocked Molly gently by the shoulder.

“Are you feeling okay, darling?” He hoped it was just allergies or waking up in the morning. But then she woke up.

“Uggh, Tom?” Molly croaked out before rolling onto her back. She was pale. So much more pale than usual. She coughed again, covering her mouth. 

“It’s me, Molly. Are you feeling alright?” He repeated. “That’s some cough.”

“I’m fine, fine. It’s just,” She waved him off and pushed up to sitting, only to fall back onto the pillows. “oh, that’s not good.” 

Tom placed the back of his hand to her forehead and replaced it with his lips, checking her temperature. She was running hot. 

“You have a fever. I’m making you an appointment to see the doctor.” He stood, but Molly caught his wrist. Her palm clammy against Tom’s skin.

“No! It’s just a cold. Go on your run. I’ll be fine. I just need some sleep.” She insisted.

“Are you sure? It’s no trouble.” 

“Go. I’ll be fine.”

Tom leaned down and kissed her very warm forehead. “I’ll keep it short. Go back to sleep.”

Molly nodded and rolled over. Tom tucked the covers around her and headed out. He barely made it to the end of the street before he returned home. It confirmed his fears when he stepped back inside and heard Molly coughing. Tom grabbed the phone and searched for a number and called it.

“Yes, Urgent Care? Do you have any appointments today? Name? Molly Hiddleston. Thank you.”

-

Tom helped Molly get dressed, averting his eyes when appropriate. Her entire body burned under his fingertips, but Tom noticed her shivering. She stumbled to the car where she slept the entire ride over to urgent care. Tom did his best to fill out the paperwork.

“What do you put for family history?”

“Nothing. Unless there is a place for mental illness, then check that. That’s all I know about. Mom didn’t chat much.” Molly muttered, leaning heavily against Tom. “Meth does that…” Her brow furrowed and she coughed again. 

“Shh, darling.” Tom soothed her. “Only happy thoughts.”

Molly hummed and smiled. “Happy thoughts.” More coughing. 

It took twenty minutes before they called Molly back. They didn’t let Tom back with her. He alternated between sitting with a bouncing knee, pretending to read on his phone and pacing the waiting room, making the other people nervous. After forty-five minutes, before Molly returned with several papers in her hand. She coughed again.

“Upper respiratory infection,” cough. “Along with a sinus infection and a viral infection.”

Tom smiled. “Triple threat. Let’s get you home.”

Molly’s hand, holding the papers, flopped up. “I have prescriptions and they want to see me again in two weeks. To make sure I don’t get pneumonia.”

Tom’s eyes widened. “That’s a possibility?”

Molly nodded. “It’s all in here.”

Tom took all the papers, skimming them, including a script for antibiotics as well as a cough suppressant. It all sounded grim. “Let’s get you to bed and I will take care of getting these filled.”

Molly coughed and nodded. “Thank you.” 

She fell back asleep in the car. Tom carried into the house, not having the heart to wake her up again, and settled her into his bed, which was bigger, more comfortable and the bathroom was right there. Once she was settled and asleep, he headed off to the pharmacy. While waiting in line, Tom dialed Luke. 

“Luke, is there anything absolutely pressing in the schedule for the next three days?” he asked after Luke picked up. 

“Nothing I can’t reschedule, why?”

“Molly’s ill.” He bit his lips and sighed. “The doctors are afraid it might turn into pneumonia. And I…”

“Consider your schedule cleared until Monday. And tell her I hope she feels better soon.”

“Thanks, Luke. I’m worried about her.”

“That’s because you love her, Tom. You should worry about the people you care about. I mean, I worry about you all the time.” Luke chuckled.

Tom paused at Luke’s words but pushed it away. Of course he cared for Molly. That has the tendency to happen when you live with a person for nearly three months. Especially someone as congenial as Molly. Congenial wasn’t the word. Lovely. Molly was lovely. He laughed it off. “I worry about you too, Luke. I got to go.”

“Take care of her. Bye, Tom.” 

After picking you the medicine, Tom popped into the grocery store and picked up some soup, drinks, and Molly’s favorite cookies. When he got back, she was still asleep. And still coughing. He put away the groceries and then checked on her.

“Darling, I’m back with the medicine. Time to take it.” He helped her sit up, Molly groaning the entire time. She swallowed the pill with a sip of water, gagging.

“That’s awful!” she coughed. 

“Now the cough medicine.” Tom poured out the cough syrup and handed it over to Molly. She hesitated, sniffing it first. “Take the medicine and get a biscuit.” He held up a package of cookies.

“They’re cookies. I thought I ate the last of them.” she moaned, downing the cough syrup. Her face contorted. Tom smiled and handed her two cookies. “Good girl. Now rest. I’ll check on you in a few hours.”

“Don’t you have work?” Molly muttered as she laid back down. Tom pulled the covers over her, putting the cookies on the nightstand. “You had… interviews… or something…”

“My schedule is clear through the weekend. I am at your disposal.” Tom rubbed Molly’s back, and she purred. 

“You don’t need to do that.” She half-heartedly complained, dozing off.

“And leave you to fend for yourself? What kind of husband would I be? It was no trouble. Now sleep, darling.”

“Mmm… kay.” 

-

Tom busied himself with absolutely nothing. He flitted from reading a book to watching a TV show to peeking into the bedroom. At one point, when Molly was particularly quiet, he seriously contemplated putting a mirror under her nose to just make sure he was still breathing. He managed to get her to eat half a bowl of soup. 

“You need to eat, love.” he scolded.

Molly coughed and croaked. “Says the man who considers chocolate a food group.” 

“Look at that, some humour.” Tom smiled. “Eat please.”

“Yes, sir.” She slurped the soup off the spoon before falling back asleep. 

Tom, worried, did the unthinkable. He called his mum for advice.

“She’s coughing. A lot. And all she does is sleep.” Tom ran his hands through his hair. 

“Is she eating, love?” Diana asked. Tom could feel the smile across the phone.

“A bit, but not as much as usual. I brought her soup.”

“Soup is good. And she is taking her medicine?”

Tom nodded. “I set a timer.”

“Of course you did. And the fever?”

Tom blinked. “What about her fever?”

“Has it broken?”

“I don’t—”

“Tom!” Molly’s bedraggled voice called out.

“I gotta go. She needs me.” Tom hung up the phone and sprinted to the room. 

“Molly! What is it?” He noted she was shivering.

“I’m cold.” she chattered. Tom grabbed the blanket at the foot of his bed. 

“Is that better?” He tucked it under Molly’s chin. Tom touched her forehead. Hot.

“Much.” 

“I’ll let you rest.” He patted her shoulder and stood. Molly reached out for him.

“Stay.” She coughed. “At least until I fall asleep. Please lie down. Just five minutes.”

Tom’s heart broke in that moment for Molly. That confident woman he grew so fond of seemed so small in that moment.

“Of course, I’ll stay. Anything for you.” Tom crawled on top of the covers next to Molly. He laced his fingers in hers. He heard her exhaled, and he exhaled too. 

“Sleep well, darling.” But Molly had already fallen asleep. Tom soon followed.

-

Molly woke the next morning in sweat soaked pajamas and on top of drenched sheets. She still coughed, but her fever was gone. As she blinked her eyes open, Molly realized she wasn’t in her bed, but Tom’s. And Tom was there too. Asleep next to her, fully dressed, holding her hand. She had vague memories of Tom bringing her soup and her asking him to stay. And some very not safe for work dreams. 

“Fever dreams.” she muttered. “Tom…” Molly rocked his shoulder.

“Huh?” Tom sat up. “I guess I was more tired than I thought.”

“It’s hard to be a nurse. I think your sheets may need washing.” she smiled.

Tom pressed his lips to her forehead. “No fever.” His spirits lifted. 

“It must have broken last night.”

“Feeling better?” he asked.

“Yes.” 

Tom noticed their hands still laced together. He let go and stood up. He made a poor attempt at smoothing out his sleep wrinkled clothes. “Up to move to the couch? And maybe some movies?”

“I would like that.” She slowly sat up and got out of bed. “But first a shower.”

Tom frowned. “First medicine, then shower.”

“Nurse Ratched.” Tom didn’t smile or budge. Molly sighed. “Fine, medicine, the shower.”

Tom grabbed the bottles and dispensed the medicine, which she took still gagging. “And a biscuit.” He handed her a cookie. 

“Cookie.” She popped it into her mouth and headed off to her room and Tom went to his own bathroom. 

-

Once they were both showered and dressed, Tom popped his sheets into the laundry and made a makeshift bed on the couch for Molly.

“You pick the movie.” she offered. “That way if I fall asleep, you won’t be bored.” 

Tom picked The Jungle Book. “One of my favorites as a child. I still watch it when I feel under the weather.”

“I don’t think I have seen it.”

Tom’s mouth fell open. “That is a travesty.”

Molly shrugged her shoulders. “You know, group homes, foster care…”

Tom stopped. “Well, we are going to watch this right now and you can listen to the vocal genius that is George Sanders as Shere Khan.”

“More of a vocal genius than you?” Molly raised an eyebrow while she settled onto the couch. 

Tom blushed. “A man-cub, how delightful.” He purred deep in his chest, sending shivers through Molly.

By the end of the movie, Molly’s head was in Tom’s lap and his hand in hers. They watched Disney movies for the rest of day, alternating picking the title. Tom made sure she took her meds on time and ate more than just cookies.

“I will eat a meal if you do.” Molly chided.

They both ate soup and Tom also ate a sandwich. It was late when they finished up Robin Hood. Molly stretched and sat up.

“I should go to bed.”

“I can put the sheets back on the bed.” Tom moved, but she stopped him, squeezing his hand.

“My bed. But I will keep the door open so you can spy on me.” She smirked. “I can’t take your bed again.”

“It’s fine if you did. I don’t mind sharing.”

“I know but…” She glanced away. “We should keep our own space. To keep things from getting complicated.”

Tom nodded. “Right. No complications here.” he lied to her and to himself.

Molly hugged Tom tight. “Thank you for everything, Tom.”

“My pleasure.”

She coughed a bit as she headed off to her room. Tom turned off the TV and cleaned the dishes before going to bed himself. He spent most of the night tossing and turning.

[yetanotheremptypage]

You all didn’t so much ask for this as let me bully you into taking it, but here’s my sneak peak of chapter 2 for “take my hand, wreck my plans (that’s my man)”...

Liam didn’t even bother to look up at him as he asked, “What can I do for you, boss?”

“Cancel my afternoon tomorrow. I’m taking a half-day.”

That made Liam turn to him and blink at him like an owl.

“I’m sorry, can you repeat that? I don’t think I’ve ever heard that word leave your mouth. Are you sure you know what it means?”

“Funny. Reschedule Gage and Manning for as soon as possible; everything else just do at their convenience. I don’t care what you tell them as to why, but I’m not coming back to this office after lunch tomorrow.”

“Did someone die?” Liam balked.

“Liam, if you’d like to keep this job, you’ll kindly shut up now,” Anthony said sharply, then retreated back to his office, purposefully slamming the door shut behind him.

True to his word, he hadn’t said anything to anyone. Not that he’d had much opportunity, considering it had been less than two days since he’d picked up his prescription and found Kate Sheffield-Sharma staring at a wall of pregnancy tests. He’d frozen, her name leaving his mouth in a strained near-whisper that she’d managed to hear, spinning to look at him in terror. It had taken his brain a second to put two and two together. He’d never tell her, but despite driving it, he didn’t actually remember how he got from the pharmacy to her flat. Just suddenly there they were, him sitting on the couch as she dealt with the test in the bathroom. His heart was beating rapidly as he tried to figure out what, exactly, he wanted her to see on that strip of plastic.

Edmund Bridgerton, Anthony’s father, had been the best man he’d ever known. He died when Anthony was eighteen, just before Hyacinth was born. Ever since, Anthony had been forced to step up and raise his siblings, particularly Hyacinth and Gregory, alongside his mother. For some, it might have inspired them to never have children; Anthony was the exact opposite. He wanted children, desperately.

But there had always been a needling fear in the back of his mind that, just like his father, he wouldn’t get to see his children grow up. That he, too, would be cut down in his prime leaving behind a heartbroken wife and heartbroken children. Leaving them to suffer.

Really, the idea of having a child with Kate should petrify him to the core. For some reason, it didn’t. Maybe because, as much as he disliked her, he’d spent the last year watching her. Watching her brilliant mind tangle with him, her compassion as she made sure her drunk sister got back to her flat safely, her ability to compete with the same spirit as a natural-born Bridgerton, her enthusiasm in the lives of not just Benedict and Eloise, whom she knew the best, but all the way down to Hyacinth, too.

With or without him, she would be a wonderful mother; of that he had no doubt. And in the little time he might have left, he wanted it to be with his family.

All of it.

[daydreamed-snippets]

TW: Sorry, I’m in a mood. Talk of Suicide. Abuse of prescription medication. Underage drinking. Hints at abuse

It was quiet here in the bones of the old house. Cold. Drafty. Wildlife feasted on the general decomposition of trim. Faded tile and decaying drywall dangling at odd angles. Bricks lay uprooted by greenery. Furniture slowly losing its form was arranged haphazardly throughout the house. Winn could see her breath hang in the air, curl in a tight spiral before dispersing into the night. A single electric lantern kept watch beside a nest of her own making: a bedding of dried leaves, her favorite crochet blanket, and a little radio faintly playing an upbeat tune.

Oh, and a bottle of whiskey and every fucking antidepressant and mood stabilizer those bastards had ever prescribed for her. 

Playing eenie meenie miney mo, she uncapped a half-empty bottle of citalopram and popped all of it into her mouth. She took a swig, throwing her head back to ensure she swallowed. Looking around she supposed it was a fitting epitaph. Her end would be here, in this broken mausoleum, a showcase to humankind’s fundamental need to create something sublime but ultimately fail in its maintenance. To conceive something beautiful but become indifferent and bored with it, letting it fall into ruin. Wreckage that is only redeemable by nature itself. It would be nice, she thought, if something productive, beautiful even, grew out of her decaying life too. 

Then maybe everything would have been worth it.

Absently plucking at weeds poking through fractured flooring, she huddled over on herself waiting for the drugs to take effect. Her stomach turned as she tried not to think. Tried not to repeat the same question over and over in her head.

How many times did she have to lose everything to take the hint? How many times did she have to hit rock bottom before her knees buckled and her legs snapped trying to stick the landing as she broke herself to please everyone?

For her, the answer was four. Not that that matters now. Cause now it was too late. Now she finally gets it. Now she gets why her Mami was so unhappy. Why Miami's boyfriend, Leonard, wasn’t happy. Why her doctors weren’t happy. Her teachers, her friends. Everyone. Why the world was unhappy. Maybe her death would make them happy again.

A breeze picked up, whistling through the gaps. It sounded like someone was whistling and walking around the house, wooden planks creaking. That should have terrified her but her mind was starting to feel a pleasant, sleepy haziness. She took another half-empty bottle by her feet and downed the contents, choking on her own saliva and the aftertaste of the alcohol. 

Thoughts continued to rush in, unabated, like a broken dam. Each empty bottle held its own story, mostly of the times Leonard lugged her to another shrink, to “fix” her while her mother sat in the car, finding solace in a glass bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag. Finishing it before Winn’s hour-long appointments were over. 

None of it ever seemed to satisfy Leonard. Not that he ever waited for her to finish her prescription before shoving the next pill down her throat, deeming the previous one ineffective when she would have another episode. Promising that the next drug would be it. That the next one would work. And she believed him. Each and every time, she believed. Whatever was wrong with her, these next pills would fix it.

But they never did. 

Soon it turned into, why can’t you be like x? Why can’t you just do x? Your attitude is why x is happening to you. Do you even want to get better from x?

She could put anything in for x. The equation stayed the same, with one common denominator: 

Her. 

Winn. 

She was the shared numerator whose value was always zero. And anything that is multiplied by zero forever equals zero.

Another half-filled bottle, another swig. Her heart started slowing down. So did her breathing, face becoming flush. She was having a hard time keeping her eyes open. 

Another floorboard whined under stress, and a voice followed it. “That is an especially painful way to die, dear one,” someone called out to her. “Overdoses can be messy affairs when attempted through the unpredictability of drugs.”

A surge of fright course through her. Who was that? A ghost? Leonard? She didn’t know. They remained out of sight. She looked up through the smog of her mind, unaware that anyone had breached the house grounds. She curled more into her nest. 

It couldn’t be Leonard. At least she didn’t think it was him. It was hard to tell right now. It didn’t sound like him. Her chest wouldn’t stop stinging, though, at war with medical sedation and her adrenaline. Trying to play it cool, she schooled her tone, wishing she had a taser on her. Cursing how stupid she was to come here without one. “You lost?” she called, scrubbing her face with the bottom of her palm, her coordination clumsy. “The main road‘s that way.” She pointed, not exactly knowing if that was the right direction anymore. “House gone to be destroyed in the morning. The bots won’t check to see if anyone’s in here before they start smashing.”

“That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?” he asked, coming into view. It sounded more like a statement. “Because you don’t think anyone will find you before they start demolition.”

She squinted at the man in an impeccable blue suit, refusing to answer. Definitely not Leonard. But…

“Mmm, I know you,” she said scrunching her eyes, fighting to place the face, fighting to find a name. Yes, she has seen him somewhere, but her mind could only remember one location in which she encountered him. A place shrouded in metaphoric perception and youthful symbolism. A place that is both romanticized and villainized oftentimes in the same breath. A place she could only visit when she closed her eyes at night and slipped from this reality to another. 

“The man of my dreams. How—?” She swallowed, thoughts tripping over themselves. Her speech started to slur. He squatted in front of her, full weight on the balls of his expensive shoes, keeping his immaculate attire away from the dirt of the house. He moved gracefully, and though his smile looked concerned it was still every bit disarming.

“Uhh, I mean man from my dreams,” she stammered. “Uh, how is this?” It dawned on her. The part of her mind that was still intact. “Hallucinations. I’m dreaming. I-I’ve passed out.”

“You have not,” he said, making no move towards her. Simply staring her down with hooded eyes. “At least, not yet. And though I am, how did you put it, ‘the man of your dreams’, I’m not some figment of your imagination, Winnifred. I am quite real, and I’m here.”

Winn barked a laugh, “Oh my gods, for real? ‘I’m here’?” she mocked. “Everything’s good, I’m here.” She grabbed the bottle, his eyes following, and took a sip. “Fo sure, like that would really matter now. You can get your damn hair swirl outta my face with that.” 

She made a move for his hair, uncoordinated and choppy, catching herself when she leaned forward too much and fell onto her hands. It took a while. He remained still for her, attentive, but unmoved. She was able to ruffle his dark blond hair out of its slicked-back position, wrapping a finger around the bit of lock that fell over his brow without falling again. 

Their eyes met.

Realizing what she was doing she yanked her hand back as if burned. Confusion swept through her. He raised an eyebrow, the corners of his mouth twitching. “Convinced?”

“I can touch people in my dreams, it’s just...” It’s never felt so real. 

She reached for another prescription. Clearly, she was delusional. Clearly, this was a trick. She poured out the oval-shaped pill preparing to swallow it whole. It was quite possible that she was out cold, body slumped over like the furniture of this house. Quite possible she was unconscious and this was her mind’s last chance at providing her with a final comfort. A childhood sentential to keep watch as she fades away.

She tilted her head back, arm poised to sling the pills into her mouth. 

The man moves. 

He shifts to catch her wrist in a light but firm hold. The bottle slips out of her fingers, clatters to the floor, along with the pills, dropping between boards and out of reach. Winn curses. 

“Don’t touch me,” she said pulling away easily. “You don’t know me like that.”

“Listen to me, Winnifred,” his voice held a command. “I have not moved heaven and earth—I have not rescheduled my life just to watch your throw away yours. I do know you. I’ve known you since you were four years old. I’ve visited your dreams since your first nightmare. I’ve watched over you the best I could from afar.

“When I said, I’m here now, it wasn’t meant to be crass or derisive. So many people have let you down in your life, I being the chief among them. But I am here now. Things will get better. Let me prove it.”

“That wasn’t real. And dreams isn’t knowing someone.”

He tilted his head. “I know that your father left you when you were six. I know that your mother has been bounding from boyfriend to boyfriend, looking for validation but never really finding it. Each suitor worse than the last. The current beau is a monster called Leonard.”

She gulped, running a hand over her face. Tucking a curl behind her ear. He watched, gaze overly familiar. Possessive without even touching her. Eyes extracting what he wanted. She imagined he didn't take no for an answer. She imagined he changed outcomes to fit his ambitions. 

She felt unable to hide. 

“I know what he’s been doing to you,” he said, voice changing.

“H-how?”

He let out a breath of air. “I know this because I’ve seen your dreams. I know you’ve been having a recurring one of Leonard assaulting you, and then ending your life. It may happen in different facets and different places, but the theme is resoundingly the same. You also have recurring dreams of your mother’s lifeless body lying on the side of the road while traffic rushes by. Sometimes hitting her, most of the time not.” He adjusted his cufflinks, before completely abandoning his position to sit on the grassy floor. “You’ve been having these particular dreams for a while. It is because you venture into Leonard’s dreams each night, before going to your mother’s. It’s not unusual for someone with your abilities since they are the closest people to you. You’re able to see what Leonard will do to you, whether he’s willing to admit to his own perverse desires or not. And you’re able to view your mother’s darkest fears. Of being abandoned by everyone.”

“You’ve always had a talent for dream wandering and precognitive dreams. You were once able to control your dreams, steer away from the nightmares with my help.” 

“I can’t anymore. It’s too—” her voice cracked, and she was reminded of his face. His words. How Leonard taught her to hold her breath, to clamp down on her tongue. He taught her to hide truths, and keep secrets. To bear the scars without screaming, and conceal them. He showed her to shut up while her dignity—her pride—would rage beneath the surface while he was near.

“Those dreams are just dreams. That’s what Leonard said.” She needed to adhere to that. If anything could appease Leonard it was that. And she needed to appease him. Her mother was too weak, too afraid for her own life to safeguard Winn’s, and yet too desperate for a man to head out on her own. Besides if they ran, Leonard would eventually find them. He always found them.

“Trust me, like you once did,” his voice was soft, yet it cut through her racing thoughts like a well-crafted blade. He held his hand out to her, the gesture speaking of promise and nostalgia. Reminding her of how of a strong presence he was in her dreams. The one bit of sanity in an array of insane characters and worlds. He slew monsters, clothed her when she was naked, stopped her before she'd slip into a free fall. Laughed with her. Held her when she cried. He was kind to her. Above all, he showed her tenderness when no one else did.

“Remember me,” he went on, “as I was. I can be that for you again, in this waking land. You can still choose to come with me and leave all of this sorrow behind. Or,” he withdrew his hand when she turned her head, refusing to take it. “You can choose not to, and I will sit with you until you lose consciousness. Then I will carry you to the nearest medical facility where they will pump your stomach, and a physiologist will evaluate you. One not worth the paper their license was printed on. They will, in all likelihood, lock you away in a psychiatric ward, to be forever treated as a pariah. It’s your choice.” 

Her eyes jerked back towards him. He said it like a threat. Winn supposed she was running out of time. She wanted to trust him, but… she hadn’t seen him in her dreams for two years. He said that he’s there for her, but he hadn’t been. And she’d learned that being alone felt safer. 

She pulled back, making a move to stand. Maybe he’ll let her go. Maybe he wasn’t even here. His fingers didn’t act like a vice when he grabbed her earlier. She easily slipped him then. Maybe she can do it again. Maybe—

Her legs buckled under her, nerve endings on fire. She vomited, hopefully not on him. Gods, not on him. Her vision blurred, darkness edging the rim. She felt hands on her but wasn’t for sure. She was dazed. She needed to resist. Or maybe she needed to give in. She couldn’t open her eyes though was mildly aware of the feeling of being lifted, of a certain weightlessness. 

Winn was heaved against a strong chest. Instinctively, her hands went up, fingers curling and uncurling around dream man’s lapel in a display of rebellion or surrender, she wasn’t sure. She wanted defiance but it was so easy to just give in. Darkness claimed her.

Like it mattered because he wasn’t really there. Right? 

[starlocked01]

I’ll Stay Awake (because the dark’s not taking prisoners tonight)

AO3

Masterpost- Previous- Next

Summary: Virgil doesn't get to meet his soulmates each night. No, he has nightmares. His roommate decides to stage an intervention.

A/N: I’m not even going to pretend I was close to representing actual therapy. I really probably should have done more research and I’m sorry v-v

Content Warnings: Cussing, Nightmares, Self-harm, Depictions of drowning, Panic, Paralysis, Anxiety Medications

Day 12 Anxceitmus (background Logicality)- You meet your soulmates each night in your dreams

"You can run, but you can't hide, bitch!"

Virgil tore through the broken landscape, avoiding holes in the floor and checking around every corner. The demon with glowing green eyes pursued relentlessly, cackling laughter peeling off the rusted metal surfaces and echoing so that he couldn’t tell where the source was coming from. All Virgil could do was keep running.

He rounded a corner and found himself face to face with a half-man half-snake, the face grotesquely split between each form. The human hand raised up toward him. Virgil backpedaled to escape its grasp.

"Sssstop!" the creature hissed. Virgil pulled his hoodie around his face and screamed.

He bolted upright in bed, still screaming. His roommate groaned and rolled over, turning on a lamp on his nightstand.

"Another nightmare, kiddo?" Patton looked a lot less caring than he sounded.

"Sorry," Virgil whimpered, fidgeting with his bed covers.

"Logan and I are pretty used to being interrupted by now. I just wish you could meet your soulmate instead of having these awful, scary nightmares," Patton yawned, "I'll leave the light on for you, maybe that will help." Patton rolled back over and was snoring in minutes.

Virgil sat in bed, unable and unwilling to fall back asleep. To keep himself awake he blasted music through his headphones and scratched at his skin. 

When the morning alarm rang out, Patton yawned and stretched out of the bed only to find Virgil up and working on homework. The dark bags under his eyes gave him away. Patton frowned and walked over, laying a hand on the boy's shoulder. Virgil jerked back, breathing hard, shaking off Patton's hand and tipping the chair dangerously close to falling back.

"Hey kiddo, how'd you sleep?" Patton smiled but Virgil only growled in response, flipping up his hood to hide his face. "Aww, I'm sorry."

"I'll be fine," Virgil glared at Patton and opened his desk drawer. Inside was filled with energy drinks. He grabbed three, stuffing two in his backpack and cracking open the third.

"Virgil, I'm worried about you."

"Well, don't."

Patton sighed and started getting ready for his day.

Virgil finished his drink before his 8 am calc class. By 8:15 he was already cracking open the second one.

Virgil sat with Logan and Patton during his lunch break, picking at a bowl of soup that was nearly unidentifiable.

"Virgil, Patton told me you didn't sleep again last night," Logan stated matter-of-factly.

"What do you care, wonder nerd?" Virgil bit back.

"We're your friends and we're worried about you, Virge," Patton smiled sadly.

"Honestly you might need professional help. You should look into a therapist to talk with about the nightmares. You can't live on sugary caffeinated drinks forever," Logan reprimanded him. Virgil glared at Logan.

"I know a guy who's really easy to talk to. At least try?" Patton tried to make eye contact but Virgil emphatically ignored him. Patton sighed, "whatever, we just want you to be able to take care of yourself and not scratch yourself raw every night. If you decide to try, here's Dr. Picani's number." Patton slid a slip of paper across the table to a stunned Virgil.

"How did you know?" he asked quietly.

"I just know what I'm looking for when it comes to that kind of stuff," Patton looked uncomfortable and Logan placed a comforting hand on his back.

"Okay.. thanks," Virgil didn’t look up as he gathered his stuff to leave the cafeteria.

Virgil felt locked in his car. All he had to do was get out and walk inside the office building, but he felt paralyzed in the driver's seat. This was such a bad idea. There was no way this would help. He needed to get out of there go home and pack up and get on the next flight out of the country and hope that no one ever tried to talk to him agai-

His phone rang. He didn't recognize the number but answered on autopilot.

"Hello, Virgil Strike speaking."   

"Hello, Virgil! This is Dr. Picani. I'm just calling because our session was scheduled to start at 4 but you're still sitting out in your car-" Virgil looked up and could see a man in the building window on the phone waving to him, "-are you okay? Do you need to reschedule?"

"No, I'm sorry, I-. I'll be in in a minute," Virgil waved back and disconnected the call. After a herculean effort, he made his way inside and was greeted by Dr. Picani who led him back to his office.

"Now, Virgil, I think I'll spare you my normal introduction," Picani grinned at the inside joke with himself, "this is a safe place for you to say anything. Nothing you tell me leaves this room unless you talk with someone else about it. Understand?" Virgil nodded. His pulse was spiking but Picani's calm demeanor helped immensely. 

"Alright, so let's get to know each other a little bit! What's your favorite cartoon?" the doctor grinned widely as though this were a completely normal question to ask.

"Uhhh does anime count? If not I'd have to say 'Happy Tree Friends'," Virgil stared the doctor in the eye as he jotted down the answer.

"Edgy! What about Spongebob?" The smile on his face never broke. They continued to talk until Dr. Picani worked the conversation around to why Virgil decided to come to therapy.

"My roommate and his soulmate think my lifestyle is pretty unhealthy, and it only really got bad when I started having nightmares instead of dreams after my birthday," Virgil scratched the back of his neck. It was hard to admit that he hadn't had a soulmate dream like everyone else did after their 18th birthday. To his surprise, the therapist didn't laugh or scoff.

"And how are the nightmares affecting you?"

"Well, I usually wake up screaming in the middle of the night and can't let myself go back to sleep. I'm lucky if I get 3 hours a night. Which means I'm falling asleep in Calc almost every day, not that I'm behind in class, and I drink a lot of coffee and energy drinks," Virgil paused and took a huge breath, "and this has become kinda a problem." He pulled up the sleeve of his hoodie to show the therapist the scratches and scars on his arm. "It's not like cutting! I just kinda scratch to keep myself from falling back asleep after the nightmares."

"Oh my, your friends were right, Virgil. This is very unhealthy. I'm glad you took their advice and came in," Dr. Picani smiled warmly to reassure Virgil. They spoke for the rest of the hour and just before Virgil left the doctor spoke up again, "Virgil, I'd like you to try an over the counter anxiety medication. We may need to get you a prescription for something that's stronger but I'd like you to try something over the counter first to see if you feel better. I think your anxieties are affecting your dreams. Maybe we can take that edge off so you can get some more sleep, which will have a domino effect on everything else. Maybe with better sleep, you can work on using less caffeine, which will help you feel calmer. Let me know how it works when you come in next week."

Virgil nodded hesitantly but stopped at a pharmacy on the way home anyway. He was ready to try anything at this point. 

Patton was waiting when he got back to the dorm. 

"How'd it go?" he asked with a bright smile.

"Doc's weird… but I think it's going to help," Virgil smiled back, setting his bottle of pills on his desk. 

Virgil popped two of the pills. Patton had gone to sleep already and was happily dreaming. Probably talking with Logan too.  Virgil settled into bed, uncertain of what the night would bring.

Virgil’s legs and feet were bound together with a thick tentacle that pulled him beneath the water before he could cry for help. Dragged underneath, Virgil found his lungs filling with water, but then discovered he could breathe the water without his body screaming for air. The tentacle dragged him deeper and deeper into the murky water.

After what felt like an eternity, Virgil could see a giant pair of green eyes reflecting in the formless dark. He kicked and struggled against the creature.

"I've got you now! Stop struggling, you emo nightmare!" a voice growled from the darkness.

"Let me GO!" Virgil cried out, tearing at the tentacle with his hands. The grip on his legs loosened and he kicked free, swimming towards the surface.

Rising to the surface, Virgil was tossed by the waves onto a sandy beach. He coughed up the seawater and laid on his back, sun burning down on him. Too hot. He couldn't move as the sand baked around him. 

A cool, smooth sensation crept up his foot and leg. Virgil couldn't move to see what it was as it moved up his torso. He heard a soft hissing and opened his eyes to find a yellow snake staring back at him. He tried to scream but had no voice, tried to throw the snake off but couldn't move. 

The snake… shook its head?

"Honessstly, why do you keep avoiding usss?" the snake spoke with a lisping voice.

Virgil found his and replied, "what the hell do you want with me?" His eyes were wide with fear.

"You haven't figured it out? We're your sssoulmatesss."

Virgil sat up in bed in a cold sweat. The bedside clock showed it was much later than he normally woke up in terror. Patton slept undisturbed. Virgil felt almost calm enough to go back to sleep. Not that he wanted to if his soulmates were monsters.

Over the next few weeks, Virgil used over the counter anxiety medication regularly. He felt a lot calmer in class and the nightmares were a lot less terrifying. 

After a few sessions with Dr. Picani, Virgil picked up prescription medication and felt immensely more relaxed.

The landscape was still hellish and broken. Virgil didn’t feel like running. Instead of a demon, a boy his age with gorgeous green eyes and a streak of silver in his brown hair rounded the corner, ready for the chase.

"Alright let's fucking do- wait you aren't running," the boy looked confused and a little disappointed.

"You aren't a demon so why would I run?" Virgil shrugged.

"Oh my god, finally! Let's go find Double D," the boy grabbed Virgil by the wrist and started dragging him down the hall.

"What's your name?" Virgil asked, catching up to the other and twisting his hand so they were holding hands.

"Ooh you're fresh!" he chuckled, "just wait until we find Double D."

"Who's Double D?"

"Our other soulmate."

"Woah two soulmates?"

"Yeah, neat huh?"

"Sure, why 'Double D'?"

The boy stopped walking and turned to face Virgil, "we were waiting for you to tell each other our names and you took your sweet time so we gave each other nicknames. That's why you're Emo Nightmare and he's Double D."

"So what are you called?"

The boy grinned manically, "Fucker."

They continued walking through the twisted halls until they found another boy with one golden brown eye and one dark brown eye smiling at them as they rounded the corner.

"There you are. Did you finally catch him?" He asked in a silky smooth voice.

"Nah, for once the emo didn't want to run," the green-eyed boy grinned.

"Well maybe you two shouldn't have acted like monsters," Virgil smirked, "so, who are you guys?"

The green-eyed boy was practically bouncing out of his shoes, "I'm Remus!" he blurted out.

"My name is Janus," Janus held out a hand to Virgil, "and you are?"

"Not telling you," Virgil laughed at the scowls each of them gave them, "I'm kidding. My name is Virgil. It's good to meet you guys."

"Likewise," Janus grinned as Virgil took his hand.   

Remus picked them both up in a strong vise-like hug and twirled them around. They continued to talk the rest of the night, agreeing just before they woke up to not exchange direct addresses or phone numbers until they all met in person.

Virgil woke up more refreshed than ever, excited to find his soulmates in real life. Occasionally the dreams still started as nightmares but he was able to recognize Janus and Remus in the terrors and they could help talk him down from the fear. Each night they got to know each other better, talking about school and work and hobbies and everything else they could think of.

One day when a stranger with two different colored eyes sat down across from Virgil in the cafeteria, it felt as though Virgil had known him his whole life. 

Tag List: @stoicpanther @ifrickenhatedeverythingaboutthis @tsshipmonth2020

[rainbowjay20]

So I am royally pissed.

RANTING FOLLOWS...

Yes, major shit is happening in the world. But real life is still happening. My doctor has been changing from one hospital affiliation to another. I had an appointment that I scheduled three months ago. No one called and told me anything with regards to time, location or new phone numbers. I drove up to an empty office with a sign. Not all the doctors are going with the person listed as my primary and my appointment was with one that was in a different office. The primary's (that is listed in my records) office kicked me out and said I didn't have an appointment without checking my name and they didn't know shit about what was going on, so they basically they kicked me out of the office because they could and they were utterly useless. No information, jack squat. I think they were done for the day and wanted to go home. The other office was closed. Neither phone number given worked and I'm out of my medication. I also have a sinus infection and need antibiotics and maybe some prednisone. My immune system is not doing well because I'm not getting my IVIG(which is another whole mess). My back is still messed up from where I sprained it before Christmas. I also have been having stomach issues and it's the reverse of my usual stomach issues. I also have a virtual visit scheduled with my Endocrinologist, after which she will need to know where to send my information. And I have two more specialists that I need to reschedule because I've been putting them off between Covid and me being sick. Did I mention my scripts need refills? I get appointments later in the day because of my issues.

I am not happy with this. I would have understood rescheduling my appointment. I would have understood a new office situation. But the girls in the one office were extremely rude and unhelpful. Also neither of the new phone numbers were working nor the old number which tells you to schedule an appointment with a different doctor. I used the old app(Epic) to request at the very least my refill and left a note on that system that I didn't get to the appointment and why.

The other thing that is pissing me off is that they knew this change was coming and they STILL SCHEDULED the appointment. Nowhere in the intervening THREE MONTHS did anyone try to get me to reschedule or tell me where I needed to go. And I was scheduled for a night appointment when they knew the hours of the new office could NOT accommodate this. (I am deducing this as my working theory. It appears to be the truth, although I won't know until I talk to someone, if I can find someone who knows their butt from a hole in the ground.)

The last time I had troubles like this, was my previous primary. In addition to screwing up messages from me to the doctor and vice versa, the little shit in the office stole a prescription of mine. They caught her red-handed. They should have called the cops. They did fire her ass.

I just didn't feel up to the paperwork involved.

I seem to attract people stealing pills. My last muscle relaxer script was short 4 pills. Since I didn't pick up the pills myself, the pharmacy basically said too bad, you lose. They were very generous*(this is sarcasm btw) in letting me refill my next script a few days early. I told them the next time I will go to the cops again. Mostly, they just go to the store quietly and examine the video tapes that the store makes, if they haven't gone to the server yet, then ask me and the store employees our side of the story, we write a statement and sign it. They don't really investigate it too much unless there is a superfluity of thefts.

Yes I am aware that I am speaking from a position of privilege. I have a doctor, insurance and enough money(most of the time) to pay co-pays and bills. I simply need to get the rant out now so I don't scream on the phone tomorrow. Catharsis is what I'm going for right now. Unfortunately, not a lot of these things have simple fixes. Or in some cases, they don't have any fix, forgoing a miracle.

These people that don't keep up with what is going on around them and are useless and are at the very least incompetent employees. If I was a boss and these people were my employees, they would be canned the minute I heard about them being rude to a customer/client and practically throwing them out the door/locking it behind them. Also neighborhood is not the best, even if they were clueless they should have made sure I had a way home or a way to get to a way home, i.e. offer to let me use the phone to call a ride/cab/uber/whatever.

I am aware I sound like a "Karen". I was taught that the first rule in any business is the customer is always right. I understand that they were at the end of a long day. I do get that. But also the employment marketplace and economy being as it, people should be eager to keep a job, because they are at least 20 people that need a job more then you at any moment. Never assume you have the worse problem in the world. There is ALWAYS someone in more dire straits then you. (Sometimes that helps. Although it can be hard to imagine, but trying is at least a distraction.)

Did I mention(no pills) I also had a dentist appointment this morning(well early afternoon) where I got two fillings fixed? Luckily, it wasn't too painful. The extended period of prolonged mandible contortions caused more pain than the dentistry.

The window in our car also broke. The cord that runs it snapped, as well as the electronic button panel went kaput. This is after we just put on two new tires and had various other repairs. The window panel costs about 400$ to repair. That's more than the car is worth almost.(Funny, not funny.) It's ten years old and beat to hell. Most likely we are going to need a new car. When I say car, I mean SUV/light truck.

In addition we have a few holes in the roof(including over the bathroom) that leak buckets of water when it rains. If it rains, we have to check the buckets so they don't overfill. We also just had to reseal the toliet(another $400) and replace the ceiling tiles below the bathroom. When we get the roof fixed eventually, the bathroom ceiling needs fixed($$$) plus the downstairs ceiling where the other leaks are. One is a popcorn ceiling.($$$)

I also was going to ask about the vaccine. Most likely I can't get it. I can't get flu shots because I'm allergic. I've also read that one of the vaccine is counterindicated for those with weak immune systems. The other possible problem is the thyroid cancer. Because of how the vaccine works, and the type of thyroid cancer I had, there may be issues. I've tried to find answers online but because my type of thyroid cancer is rare(well, both types) I don't think any studies were done on it.

When the imp of the perverse gets your number or Lady Luck(Luck be a Lady!) deserts you, you are SO SCREWED. Either that or the person who has the voodoo doll🔮 of me is getting creative(or bored) because they are in lockdown because of Covid. I wish who ever it is would stop. Or learn about karma...

Okay, rant out of my system. (Not really, but I can chill enough to try to get rid of the hiccups I just got. Did I mention I have blood pressure problems and stress induced asthma?)

Okay, now I really do think it's a little better.

Catharsis achieved.

[devdevlin]

Prompt : Tom as a drug addict trying to convince his doctor, Hermione, to prescribe him a controlled substance.

Oh, Anon, how I adore thee. You know just what I like 💕

“Mr. Riddle.”

“Doctor.”

“Pardon?”

“It’s Doctor.”

“My apologies. Dr. Riddle,” she said, turning from her computer where his file was still open to peer at him over the tops of the thinly framed glasses on her nose. “You’ve been on your prescription for OxyContin for... four years now?”

“Yes.”

“You take it to treat chronic pain?”

“Yes.”

“What sort of pain do you suffer from?”

Tom’s smile was crooked. “Isn’t that in my file, too?”

Dr. Granger didn’t look impressed and had Tom been in a better mood, he might’ve laughed.

“I was in an accident five years ago. Broke my leg. Hasn’t been the same since.”

Hermione glanced down at his leg, eyeing the one that wasn’t bouncing restlessly. Stretched out almost lazily, it looked fine.

She cleared her throat and crossed her legs.

“Dr. Riddle. The problem is, it’s been two months since you last visited Dr. Snape, who issued you a six month prescription,” she said. “And your six month prescription before that was issued two months prior, and the one before that, three months prior. Do you see where I’m going with this?”

Tom shifted impatiently and scratched at his arm.

“Are you aware that Dr. Snape has been suspended from this practice under several claims of medical negligence?”

Tom glanced away in an action that was very nearly an eye roll before he met her eyes, his leg ceasing it’s bouncing. “I take it, you can’t reschedule me with him, then?”

“No. No, I cannot,” she said firmly. “I also cannot fill this prescription-”

“It’s the only thing that helps-”

“There are plenty of other options, Dr. Riddle. It may take some time to adjust from OxyContin, but I believe with the right care, we can successfully transition you to something with less of a chance of dependency taking place.”

“I’m not dependent, I simply have a bad leg-”

“I’m going to start you on Dolophine-”

“I’ve tried Dolophine-”

“-at a low dose. Half a tablet, two times a day. I am also going to recommend that you follow this up, perhaps with myself or a counsellor. We can schedule you in next time for an extended appointment, and we can construct a mental health plan-”

This time, Tom did laugh and it grew loud enough to drown her words out and she waited patiently for him to stop.

“Dr. Riddle. You’re an intelligent man, I can see that. But you need to understand that Dr. Snape was wrong to provide you with such negligent care. He should never have allowed your previous prescriptions to go through,” she said in what he was sure was meant to be a reassuring tone. “Addiction is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a relentless monster that does not discriminate in who it targets. But there are options for you, and we can help you through this.”

Tom breathed in deeply and let out a slow sigh before he leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. He pressed his lips together as he stared, and an odd expression of amusement crossed his features. “Dr. Granger. Hermione- may I call you Hermione?”

“Actually, I’d rather-”

“I see we’ve reached a misunderstanding,” said Tom, his voice pleasant. “You see, I didn’t come here today to ask you to renew my prescription.”

“Dr. Riddle-”

“Print out the prescription.” His voice, like his features, became strikingly cold. “Sign it. And I’ll be on my way.”

She watched him for a moment before gradually leaning back in her chair. She then made a soft sigh and reached across her desk to pick up her work phone.

“Don’t bother,” Tom said lowly, his knee beginning to bounce once more. “I unplugged it while you were reading my file.”

With the phone almost at her ear, she froze. Slowly, she hung the phone back up and met his eyes, raising her chin slightly. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave now, Dr. Riddle.”

Tom leaned in even closer and smiled broadly, though it was anything but friendly.

“I’d rather not. You see, I know a lot about you, Hermione Granger. Graduated in the top tier from the University of Edinburgh. Completed your vocational training back here, in London. You took up a job, close to home, and you’ve been practicing as a GP for two years now. You’re very passionate about what you do, aren’t you, and you live in a cozy little townhouse off of Merrow Street, one bedroom. But that’s all right for you, isn’t it, Hermione? You live all... alone.”

Hermione had straightened, her skin visibly paling as he spoke.

“It’s why I chose you. If something unfortunate were to happen to you... say you slipped in your bathtub and hit your head... well. It’d be days before anyone found you.”

Tom’s eyes flicked down to her neck, and they brightened as she swallowed.

“You seem like a good person,” he said gently, quietly. “I’d hate for something like that to happen to you. But... luckily... there are options for you. You’re an intelligent woman, Dr. Granger, and I don’t think I need to tell you what they are, but I would strongly suggest that you sign the form.”

Aside from her hurried blinking as she registered his words, Granger had frozen. “H-how do you-”

“Tick tock.”

The threat in his tone had her flinching before her hand darted out to grip her mouse. Her knuckles whitened over the plastic as she turned back to her screen and gave the mouse four quick clicks.

Tom’s lips turned upward as the quiet thrumming of her printer filled the silence.

Quickly snatching the paper from the out tray, Granger folded it over on itself quickly. After a quick scribble of her pen, she handed it to Tom.

“That’s what I thought,” he murmured, intentionally brushing her fingers as he took it before he rose to a stand.

“It’s been a pleasure, Dr. Granger,” he said, his warm smile a jarring contrast to dark look he’d given her moments earlier. He stepped to the side to grip the door knob, and gave her a quick wink.

“See you in two months.”

[ducklover52]

On the close #WorldMentalHealthDay I wanna say how proud I am of my friends going to therapy and taking care of themselves.

Also how jealous I am.

warning: this is a very long/extremely personal post. if you don’t wanna get into it, basically, I’m proud of you for going, I’m proud of you for trying, I’m jealous of your strength, of finding a good fit and sticking it out to do so. I wish us all the strength we need to ask for help (we’re not weak, but I know that it feels that way, especially when you’re deep in it), the resources to make it work, and the success of finding someone/something that works for you.

I promise, you can stop here. goodnight.

No? Then strap in because this went on tangents I wasn’t even planning on and I’ll admit I even got lost along the way. I think I picked it back up at the end but oof, it took a minute to get there and that transition isn’t good. Okay here we go:

I saw a therapist a few times during my senior year of college. My ex had started seeing one earlier. I had gone with him a couple times and he helped convince me that it was time. I had lost my mom two years earlier. I thought it would help and he said it would.

His guy wouldn't see me/didn't have time to? I don't remember what exactly the issue was. He gave me a number. I called her and we set up an initial meeting, with my ex's help. I never had the "strength" to ask for help by myself. He came with me the first couple times, just to the appointment itself-not into our meeting. I stopped asking him to go with me after a couple weeks. I was over him. I didn’t want to see him at all in my life and I hated associating him with therapy.

I didn't like my therapist. I didn't think she really understood me. I told her about feeling rejected when I didn’t get cast in the last musical of my college career. She basically said oh well. I told her about the stress I was feeling to get my requirements done. She said make a list. I had a list; I’d been checking off my degree audit since freshman year. I didn’t feel any connection. I stopped wanting to share and started feeling judged. I had always been anxious about seeing her to begin with. I stopped seeing her January before I graduated. I had to miss an appointment to go to the regional theatre festival. I never called to reschedule. It wasn’t a good fit.

I met a guy at the festival. We fell fast and hard. We both had issues. He had someone to see/talk to about it. I didn’t. I remember being jealous of having a doctor who prescribed anti-anxiety meds. I also remember him needing substances to assist the meds, or replace them when he couldn’t get his prescription refilled. I didn’t envy that. When I had had enough of being ignored, as he lived 3hrs away and I was the only one willing to make the drive, I started seeing other guys.

Or rather, I started getting really drunk at parties. The “cast party” of my only time stage managing included getting really drunk at the student conductor’s apartment and playing strip spin the bottle. Sorority parties would lead to making out with a sister’s formal date or going home with a guy I’d known since freshman year. I’d talk with them for a week or so before making up shit about not wanting to date an underclassman since I was graduating. Once I actually started dating one of them, after bonding over our parents passing away. I decided he was too good for me, especially after I had gone to visit the theatre guy one night and the next day had to drive straight from Charleston to a Chipotle date and almost ran out of gas getting there. But that was right before finals, so the timing worked for me.

Before graduating, I started rehearsing for my first post-grad show. It was community theatre near my house, my best friends were in charge, and I was just happy to get a production credit and work with my friends. A friend in the cast started making friends and I followed suit. About a month in I was dating one of the leads.We spent almost every day together. We also drank together almost every night, but we were young and didn’t think anything of it. I thought this was it. I had always wanted a showmance and I got it. We talked about our feelings, about his ADHD, how he went to therapy every week. I thought I found someone else I could really connect to. I shared how I’d struggled with my self-image all my life, how I’d tried therapy but didn’t like it, how I wanted to try again but didn’t know where to start. I thought he could help. I thought he could save me.

But three months in and a party with my high school friends tore us apart. I still don’t really know what happened that night but it threw my into a whole new depression. It didn’t help that we had just agreed on a new show to audition for together. And of course we were both cast. And he started dating another cast member. I tried not to care but I was hurt and jealous. And he kept reaching out. He said we could be friends and I was desperate for attention. When I couldn’t see him I acted out by sleeping with a friend.

He acted upset but never really cared. He told me I needed to see and talk someone to help myself move forward in life. Then he’d stop for a day or so before coming back, usually while drinking. And she found out, though it’s not like I tried to hide it (hey girl, how’s it going) cause I was selfish. When she’d had enough she called it quits. I thought maybe we could go back to before. He stopped coming around. My heart was broken all over because their relationship ending didn’t mean ours would start again.

I had gotten on tinder while I was fooling around with him. During that time. I had matched with and started talking to my now bf. I don’t think he was really looking for anything then. We’d go through slow periods where I’d doubt myself and my worth if he didn’t reply. Eventually my bf ended up ghosting me. My ex had given me the contact info for a new therapist. I’d call the number and hang up before I stopped ringing. I’d visit the website and see how much I could do without giving them my info. I was nervous to start again. I didn’t know if I could trust these people, after they guy who showed me to them had given up on me. I never did get into contact with them. 

My bf came back into my life about 5 months later. But this time when we started talking we didn’t stop. We finally started dating. When I got moody, I tried to express how I felt and why. He did a good job of expressing his feelings and telling me how much he cared. I hadn’t experienced that in a while that I was feeling so good about us. During this time, my dad was dating someone. She and her two kids moved in over that summer. Shit got complicated. She and her kids destroyed my life. I leaned on my bf as much as I could, but we were long distance. My sister had just gotten engaged and she and her then fiance were doing some premarital counseling. She had had a lot of issues coming from my dad and his then fiance and it led to us all needing to go to a session.

During the one or two we attended, my sister tried to explain how we felt about our dad’s fiancee taking over. They’d ask me to chime in and I wouldn’t be able to speak for myself. I was scared. I was still living with my dad at the time and I couldn’t be honest about what I was feeling or experiencing. I was singled out during these sessions and asked about my mental health history and things I didn’t feel comfortable discussing with or in front of my family. I shut down. I was asked to find my own help or see someone else to discuss these things. And I couldn’t get the attention off me. At the time I felt picked on and judged. Like I did when I first talked to someone in college. I felt discouraged. I was scared.

Since then I’ve been kicked out of the house I grew up in, I’ve fought with my bf about the same topics I don’t even know how many times, and I’ve had a couple of the shittiest years to date, including things that I’m still not quite ready to discuss, even in anonymity on the internet. And through this all, and what I was eventually trying to make my way back to, I’ve known that I should probably be seeing someone. I have friends who are in therapy and I’m jealous. I want the relief that comes with sharing your thoughts and feelings with someone who’s job is to help you make sense of it all. But I’ve never found that. I don’t know what it’s like. I don’t know where to find it and I don’t know where to look. And now I’m off my dad’s insurance and couldn’t even afford it if I did.

I don’t know how to end this, except to again, praise those of you are seeking the help you need/want because good for you, you deserve it! We all do. If you’re not currently seeing a professional but you want to, I wish you nothing but success in finding someone you jive with because I know it’s not just a one and done situation. And to those of you like me who don’t know how to go from here, or how to reach out, or even what you want/need, I wish you clarity to figure it out and resources to try to make it work. I hope we all get what we need and deserve in the end.

[tremendouspeachduck]

Attn:  All Invaders (Asylum Seekers possibly)

NOTE:   There are two ways to obtain asylum, affirmatively or defensively. Migrants who apply for asylum affirmatively submit a form to the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services within one year of arriving in the U.S., either at the U.S. border or from within the country. Those who apply defensively do so after they’ve been arrested and placed in expedited removal proceedings.

Affirmative Asylum Process

Step One

To apply for asylum in the U.S., you must be physically present in the U.S. or seeking entry into the U.S. at a port of entry.

Step Two - Apply - New Policy

To apply for asylum, you should file Form I-589, Application for Asylum and for Withholding of Removal, with USCIS within one year of your last arrival in the United States (unless you qualify for an exception to the one-year filing deadline).

Do not submit a completed fingerprint card (FD-258) or fingerprint fee with your application. Your application will be accepted without the fingerprint card attached.

More information about how to file your application can be found in the instructions for Form I-589 (PDF, 295 KB).

For information on asylum eligibility, see the Asylum Eligibility and Applications page on USCIS.gov.

Bars to Applying for Asylum

You may not be eligible to apply for asylum if you:

Did not follow the one-year filing deadline for Form I-589, Application for Asylum and for Withholding of Removal. The one-year deadline is calculated from the date of your last arrival in the U.S. or April 1, 1997, whichever is later;

Had a previous asylum application denied by an immigration judge or the Board of Immigration Appeals; or

Can be removed to a safe third country under a two-party or multi-party agreement between the United States and other countries.

There are exceptions to these bars for “changed circumstances” or “extraordinary circumstances.”

Both are defined in 8 CFR 208.4. For more information on the bars and the exceptions, see our Asylum Bars Web page.

above pic is new construction of wall - The USA loves asylum seekers, migrants, immigrants and refugees, if process is done legally.   Illegal attempts have dire results.

Once USCIS has received the completed application, you will receive two notices:

1. Acknowledgment of receipt of your application, and

2. Notice to visit your nearest application support center (ASC) for fingerprinting.

For more information on locating an ASC, see our USCIS Service and Office LocatorWeb page.

Step Three - Fingerprinting + Background Check

After maybe 2 mos. - You should read the ASC Appointment Notice and take it with you to your fingerprinting appointment at the ASC. You do not need to pay a fingerprinting fee as an asylum applicant.

If you are also requesting asylum status for your spouse and children and they are with you in the U.S., they will need to go with you to your ASC appointment.

More information is available on our Preparing for Your Biometric Services Appointment page.

Step Four - Receive Interview Notice

Depending on where you live, we will schedule you for an interview with an asylum officer either at one of the eight asylum offices, the two asylum sub-offices, or at a USCIS field office (“circuit ride location”). For more information about USCIS field and asylum offices, visit our Find A USCIS Office page. Your interview notice will tell you the date, location, and time of your asylum interview.

As of January 29, 2018, the USCIS Asylum Division is scheduling asylum interviews in the following order of priority:*

First priority: Applications that were scheduled for an interview, but the interview had to be rescheduled at the applicant’s request or the needs of USCIS;

Second priority: Applications that have been pending 21 days or less since filing;

Third priority: All other pending affirmative asylum applications will be scheduled for interviews starting with newer filings and working back towards older filings.

Step Five - Interview

You may bring an attorney or accredited representative to the interview. You must also bring your spouse and any children seeking derivative asylum benefits to the interview.

If you cannot proceed with the interview in English you must bring an interpreter.

The interview will generally last about an hour, although the time may vary depending on the case. You may also bring witnesses to testify on your behalf.

For more information about your asylum interview, see our Web page on Preparing for Your Asylum Interview.

Step Six - Officer makes Decision

You must meet the definition of a refugee in order to be eligible for asylum.

The asylum officer will determine whether you:

Are eligible to apply for asylum,

Meet the definition of a refugee in section 101(a)(42)(A) of the INA, and

Are barred from being granted asylum under section 208(b)(2) of the INA.

A supervisory asylum officer reviews the asylum officer’s decision to ensure it is consistent with the law. Depending on the case, the supervisory asylum officer may refer the decision to asylum division staff at USCIS headquarters for additional review.

Step Seven - Get Decision within approx. 4 mos.

In most cases, you will return to the asylum office to pick up the decision two weeks after the asylum officer interviewed you.

Longer processing times may be required if you:

Are currently in valid immigration status,

Were interviewed at a USCIS field office,

Have pending security checks, or

Have a case that is being reviewed by asylum division staff at USCIS headquarters.

We will normally mail your decision to you in these situations.

For more information on the types of asylum decisions issued by USCIS, see our Web page on Types of Asylum Decisions.

Additional information on the affirmative asylum process is available on our Resources for Asylum Applicants page.

You can check your case status online. All you need is the receipt number that we mailed you after you filed your application. Start here: uscis.gov/casestatus.

already know that after just 180 days you can apply for a work permit

While waiting, where in the USA will you reside?  You already know that it doesn’t really matter as we in the USA lose track of you anyway, right?

Few, but some actually have a case for asylum.  Remember, asylum is not wanting a job or a better way of life; it must be life threatening.

Who is eventually granted asylum?

Comparing to Europe

Invaders coming in mass and could ruin a country.   This is why Merkel will end in 2021 at end of term.  This is why Brexit is so important to the UK.

Below is letter from Nurse in Germany telling it like it is . . .

A NURSE IN GERMANY SENDS A MESSAGE TO THE WORLD

Just in case you don't think President Trump is doing the right thing! Read this!

*\"Yesterday, at the hospital, we had a meeting about how the situation here and at the other Munich hospitals are unsustainable.

*Clinics cannot handle the number of migrant medical emergencies, so they are starting to send everything to the main hospitals.

*Many Muslims are refusing treatment by female staff, and we women are now refusing to go among those migrants!

*Relations between the staff and migrants are going from bad to worse. Since last weekend, migrants going to the hospitals must be accompanied by police with K-9 units.

*Many migrants have AIDS, syphilis, open TB and many exotic diseases that we in Europe do not know how to treat. If they receive a prescription to the pharmacy, they suddenly learn they have to pay cash. This leads to unbelievable outbursts, especially when it is about drugs for the children. They abandon the children with pharmacy staff with the words: So, cure them yourselves! So the police are not just guarding the clinics and hospitals, but also the large pharmacies.

* We ask openly where are all those who welcomed the migrants in front of TV cameras with signs at train stations? Yes, for now, the border has been closed, but a million of them are already here and we will definitely not be able to get rid of them.

*Until now, the number of unemployed in Germany was 2.2 million. Now it will be at least 3.5 million. Most of these people are completely unemployable. Only a small minimum of them have any education. What is more, their women usually do not work at all. I estimate that one in ten is pregnant. Hundreds of thousands of them have brought along infants and little kids under six, many emaciated and very needy.

See Video - a doozy

If this continues and Germany re-opens its borders, I am going home to the Czech Republic. Nobody can keep me here in this situation, not even for double the salary back home. I came to Germany to work, not to Africa or the Middle East!

Even the professor who heads our department told us how sad it makes him to see the cleaning woman, who has cleaned every day for years for 800 euros and then meets crowds of young men in the hallways who just wait with their hands outstretched, waiting for free, and when they don't get it they throw a fit.

I really don't need this! But I am afraid that if I return home, at some point it will be the same in the Czech Republic. If the Germans, with their systems, cannot handle this, then, guaranteed, back home will be total chaos....

*You - who have not come in contact with these people have absolutely no idea what kind of badly behaved desperados these people are, and how Muslims act superior to our staff, regarding their religious accommodation.

*For now, the local hospital staff have not come down with the diseases these people brought here, but with so many hundreds of patients every day of this is just a question of time.

*In a hospital near the Rhine, migrants attacked the staff with knives after they had handed over an 8-month-old on the brink of death, who they'd dragged across half of Europe for three months. The child died two days later, despite having received top care at one of the best pediatric clinics in Germany. The pediatric physician had to undergo surgery and the two nurses are recovering in the ICU.

Nobody has been punished. The local press is forbidden to write about it, so we can only inform you through email.What would have happened to a German if he had stabbed the doctor and nurses with a knife? Or if he had flung his own syphilis-infected urine into a nurse's face and so threatened her with infection? At a minimum he would have gone straight to jail and later to court. With these people so far, nothing has happened.

And so I ask: Where are all those greeters and receivers from the train stations? Sitting pretty at home, enjoying their uncomplicated, safe lives. If it were up to me, I would round up all those greeters and bring them here first to our hospitals emergency ward as attendants! Then in to one of the buildings housing the migrants, so they can really look after them there themselves, without armed police and police dogs, who, sadly today, are in every hospital here in Bavaria.\"

*Is this \"situation\" coming to our country?

                                              Serious video to watch

USA Problems - Making the Soros Connection

Not only do I worry about the spreading of disease, but I worry about the terrorist causing a pandemic.  

Soros Manufactured Crisis    Obama/Soros connection back when

What we do know is this thing [the caravan] cost millions and millions of dollars. . . .  One of the lies the [mainstream] media is trying to propagate is the fact that all this weird organic thing and all the water and the food and medicine, all dropped [like]. . . manna from heaven. It’s bologna. It’s all highly organized. It’s paid for by a number of organizations/   “We do know that Pueblo Sin Fronteras, which is the main group which has organized this caravan, has a couple of front organizations in the United States and the money is flowing from them to Pueblo Sin Fronteras [in Mexico].”

According to Mexico News Daily and Milenio, around 350 migrants chose to leave the caravan once it reached Tijuana, Mexico in order to return to their Central American countries, claiming they were “misled about their chances of gaining entry to the U.S.

“Pueblos Sin Fronteras [sic] told us not to worry, that there was going to be transportation, that Mexico was going to open the gates so that we didn’t have to enter [the U.S.] illegally, via the river . . .” Honduran migrant Ulises López said, referring to the attempted border breach Sunday.

“What was offered to the caravan of Honduran migrants was a trap . . . The people that brought us to this place, supposedly [caravan] leaders, took advantage of us, they used us in a horrific way, what they did to us has no name,” he added.

Proof of Soros involvement

Please comment - join to chat - -HERE

[fuck-customers]

10 ways to make your local optical hate you forever

1) complain that we don't take your insurance. Bitching about it literally solves nothing, the associates have no control over the insurance we can accept. 2) complaining about prices. "I can order these cheaper online!" So go order online, you sad piece of shit. 3) Constantly canceling and rescheduling your appointments. That is disrespectful as fuck. Stop. that. shit. Sort your schedule out or don't make an appointment until you're ready. 4) make a huge purchase on a large order to only attempt to cancel it an hour later. Congrats, you're the world's biggest piece of shit. No lie, this kid came in and ordered like $500 worth of contacts and PAID. we have a no refund policy (and it says clearly on the receipt we give) so this jackass calls an hour later wanting to cancel the order (after we billed his insurance) because he found cheaper contacts online. Then threatened to contact corporate when my manager told him we couldn't refund him. She ended up giving him the refund tho. Go. Fuck. Yourself. Stop wasting people's time. Shop around if you aren't sure if you want to spend so much money on something you cheap bastard. 5) Bringing in the whole family tree when only one person has an appointment. Bonus points for being an asshat if you let your small children terrorize the store and do nothing about it! Extra points if you bring your whole family in and see that we're booked solid and then try to see if we can squeeze your ugly cousins in. Nope. 6) Complain that you can't refill your contact prescription because you neglected to renew your prescription. No, we can't refill a prescription that has been expired for two years. That is literally against the law and a liability... Quit your bitching and get an eye exam, asshole. "I don't have the money for an exam right now!" But you have money for contacts..hm 🙄😒🖕🖕🖕 7) waiting until the LAST MINUTE when you're going out of town to order contacts when you ran out, on a weekend, then get upset we can't deliver them the next day before you go on your trip tomorrow. WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU WAITING UNTIL YOU RAN OUT OF CONTACTS AND ARE GOING OUT OF TOWN TO REFILL YOUR PRESCRIPTION????????? ??? 8) Make an appointment and then not contacting us saying your going to be late, then showing up randomly. You guys are the worst. Respect the doctor's time. 9) picking a designer frame and wanting everything imaginable on the lenses then getting pissy about the high price. What, you thought a Prada frame with hd lenses, invisible bifocal lenses, anti glare coating, and transitions were gonna be cheap? Fuck outta here take your broke ass to Walmart bitch 10) saying "it should be the same as last time!" When asking about your insurance. Right because we totally remember what insurance you're under..

[seoulsborne123]

Fluffshot: Caretakers

Summary: Naru and Lin find themselves playing nurse for their favorite brunette. Warning: package contains queasy Naru, jealous Naru, smug Naru. ---- She slumped over the table, lightly banging her forehead against the cool wooden surface, and gave a forlorn sigh. It was just her luck that the only responsible adults (read: drivers) involved in her life just happened to all be suddenly called out of town when she needed them the most. And she had already locked in the appointment, too, after agonizing about the decision whether to go through with it or not. She'd been losing some sleep over it, mulling over the pros and cons of undergoing such a procedure, and just when she'd finally gathered her courage and got past the first step, Fate suddenly jumped from the sidelines and spat in her face, 'Just kidding!' She cradled her head and groaned in frustration. "Mai. How many times have I asked you not to slack off during work hours?" She shot back up and squeaked, "Yes, Boss! Won't happen again!" Mai held her erect position for a few seconds, just waiting for her narcissistic boss to eventually lose interest in her antics, but instead she felt his questioning gaze lingering upon her. As usual, the boy was refusing to speak any words that would usually be required to start the conversation he obviously wanted to pursue. It frustrated her how he simply waited for an explanation, expecting her to satisfy his curiosity without him having to put much effort on his part. She knew how this was going to pan out: he would stare her into submission, force her to tell him her problems, he would listen and make some insulting comments, and once satisfied about knowing what the problem was about, simply stalk back into his lair. Mai really didn't want to oblige him and wished to make some pointed remarks, to call him out on his bullshit attitude, but the overwhelming sense of defeat was making her wits dull. "Ugh. I have an appointment tomorrow morning with the oral surgeon to have four wisdom teeth removed, but they require someone to stay there and wait for me. I initially planned on asking Yasu, but they said it had to be someone who can drive me to and back." She looked at him to gauge his reaction but so far, he hadn't moved a muscle. "So naturally Bou-san would have been my first choice, but he suddenly got called out to do an exorcism out of town. Ayako is completely booked up with patients tomorrow, and John won't be back until two days from now." The unspoken question hung in the air but Mai didn't want to voice it out in fear of flat out refusal. However, Naru was staunchly refusing to read the atmosphere and Mai had to internally roll her eyes. "Well, so I was wondering if I could ask you for a huge, huge favor?" "I don't drive." Mai closed her eyes. "Y-yes, I know that. But Lin-san does, and I was wondering if you guys would be okay with giving me a lift tomorrow and helping me get back to my apartment?" Naru raised his brow. "Why don't you ask Lin yourself?" She cowered a bit in her seat and mumbled, "I… I'm too afraid to ask him directly. And I was thinking I'd feel better if you were there too, because Lin-san would be very intimidating and I don't want to bug him when I get drugged up. I don't know what sorts of things I would say. I might end up annoying him." When she looked up, she grimaced. Naru's face was very blank, but she could tell from the aura seeping out of him that he was quite miffed. Before she could guess as to the reasons of his glare, Naru suddenly responded (and Mai could have sworn it was with a tone that was almost petulant), "And you think I'm less intimidating? And that it's okay to annoy me?" "E-erm… I'm saying that I… that I feel more at ease with you around," she reluctantly answered with embarrassment. She looked away and took a deep breath, then turned back to him and haughtily pressed, "So? Will you, or not? I have to make a decision now if I should call them to reschedule." Naru's next words surprised her. Of course he had to preface it with a reluctant sigh, but still it was a sign of an indirect acceptance. "What time is the appointment for?" "T-Ten in the morning! The procedure itself wouldn't take long. I was told it'd most likely take thirty minutes." "Fine. We'll pick you up then." He turned to leave, but stopped when Mai called to him one last time. "O-oh, Naru?" "What is it?" She gave out an uncomfortable chuckle and answered sheepishly, "I'll probably be needing to take Monday and Tuesday off." -00000- Naru simply observed in the sideline as Lin struggled to help the uncooperative semi-conscious girl get situated inside the van. Once the ordeal was over, Lin gave Naru a passing glare, one which the boy simply shrugged off, and settled himself in the driver's seat. Naru took the seat beside Mai and realizing that Lin chose to not finish the job of putting on her seat belt, breathed out in mild annoyance and reached over the girl to click her in. Finally they got moving. Naru was content to sit in silence, but unfortunately for him, Mai, who had just undergone surgery and was incredibly doped up on painkillers and anesthesia, was in a strange mood. Several times she tried to reach into her mouth with her fingers, and every time Naru had to pull her hand away. She would listen, but then she'd forget what she'd just done and she'd try to reach in again. Finally Naru had had enough. "Mai. What in the world are you trying to do?" he asked irritably as he, once again, pulled her hand away. Thinking it'd be best to keep the hand occupied, he grasped her hand tightly in his and pinned it down to his side. "My mouth feels funny," she slurred. Naru wanted to spit out, 'you look funny', what with her puffed up cheeks, half-bloodied gauze peeking out of her mouth, and heavily-lidded eyes, but instead he swallowed his retort and waited for her to elaborate. "I can't… I can't." Naru wasn't sure what Mai was trying to tell him, but when he watched her closely, he saw her tongue swishing around inside her mouth, trying to feel out the gauze. He cringed at the possibility of her pulling out the gauze by accident and exposing her wound, which would no doubt cause her extreme pain once the painkiller runs out. "Stop that," he snapped tersely. "Don't move around your tongue so much." "B-but I can't! Naru… I don't have a tongue!" she lamented. "My tongue… the doctor took it." She leaned her head on his shoulder, unable to hold it up any longer from exhaustion, but still she kept talking. "Why? Why'd they steal it? It's expensive. I can't afford another one…" She started sobbing softly. Beside him, Lin broke out in a silent chuckle. However, not one to be amused by illogicality, Naru pointed out, "Mai, you have your tongue. How else are you speaking?" "No, Naru," she stressed, as if she was trying to talk to an imbecile, "My tongue's been stolen! I don't have one! See?" she stuck her tongue out. Naru groaned. "Your tongue is unsightly at the moment, Mai. It's bloody. Stop talking too much, you're aggravating your wound." "What about my tongue?" Naru sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Your tongue is insured. We'll get you a new one tomorrow," he finally relented. Thankfully, this placated the brunette and she sighed contently and nodded, finally closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep. A few minutes passed in silence until Lin broke it by saying in a hushed tone, "I will drop you both off first and I'll drive back to pick up her prescription." "It's a waste of time. Can't you just swing by now and pick it up?" "She looks exhausted, Noll. It'd be best if we can get her home as soon as possible. I'd still have to wait for the pharmacy to fill out the prescription." When Mai nuzzled deeper into his chest, Naru looked away toward the window and muttered, "Fine." -000- The minute he saw her stir in the bed, he closed his book shut. Mai had been sleeping deeply since the car ride back home and Lin had to carry her up the stairs into her apartment, bridal style. After Lin assured him that he'd be back as quickly as possible, Naru locked the door behind him and found himself a comfortable position by the foot of her bed where he can keep an eye on her. She opened her eyes and blinked several times, staring at the ceiling in confusion. "Mai, you're finally awake." His voice jolted her. She snapped her eyes down and stared at him dumbly and mumbled, "Oh, that's right. That went by a lot faster than I'd imagined. I could have sworn I was just sitting in the dentist chair a few minutes ago." She sighed and gave him a warm, thankful smile. "H-how long have you been here? And how long will you be staying with me?" "Good, it seems you're coherent now." Then to answer her questions, he said, "It's been half an hour since we've brought you home. Lin went to the pharmacy to get your prescription. We will be staying until Yasuhara-san comes to relieve us in three hours." Mai blushed. "I see. Please don't feel like you have to wait until he gets here. I can stay for a couple hours by myself, so once Lin-san gets here… well I'm sure you're both very busy." Naru gave a small shrug. "We've cleared our schedule. Besides, there will be a small matter of logistics. You aren't to get off your bed and start walking on your own, so unless we left the door unlocked on our way out, Yasuhara-san won't be able to come in for his next shift." He gave a momentary pause before adding, "And I would not advise leaving the front door unlocked even for a few hours while you are completely unable to defend yourself." Mai suddenly felt a slight pang of pain in her jaw and she gently massaged it. Distracted by the dull ache, she replied nonchalantly, "That's not a problem. Yasu actually has a copy of my key, so you can lock the door." "You've given Yasuhara-san a copy of the key to your apartment?" She nodded carelessly. "He swings by often, anyway." He was unsure why he disliked the sound of that. "Bou-san, too," she continued. "Sometimes he comes by and cooks for me. Oh, John, too. " Naru frowned and before he could stop himself he muttered sullenly, "What, are you handing out your keys like candy?" Mai turned to him and looked at him quizzically. "No… Well I lost my own key once and I had to borrow the one I gave to Bou-san. John tagged along with me to the store to get a copy and since there was a deal going on, I ended up getting two copies and just gave the other to John. No harm done in that." Suddenly, Mai winced and gave a small whimper. "Mai?" "I-it's starting to really hurt…" Naru stood up from his seat and walked over to her. "The anesthesia is wearing off. Lin will be here soon with your painkillers. Do you think you can cope until then?" Mai knitted her brows in pain, but nodded weakly. -000- Sometime later, Mai started crying out in pain. Tears flowed freely as she whined pitifully, "It huuuurts so bad!" Naru was at a loss as to what to do. When Mai opened her mouth, he could see it was bleeding badly. He stood up in alarm and quickly guided her to the bathroom. He opened up the tap water, filled a nearby available cup halfway, and handed it to her. "Here, rinse your mouth out, but don't create any suction that might dislodge the clot," he tried to say calmly, but the brunette was on the point of hysterics and was inconsolable. "Calm down, Mai," he coaxed gently, awkwardly rubbing her back in circles in a futile attempt to ease her pain. She leaned over the sink and spat her bloodied saliva out, gently rinsing her mouth with the water, but the red tinge would not abate. Neither would the throbbing pain in her jaw. Naru took out his phone and quickly dialed Lin's number. "Lin," he said curtly, "Where are you? Mai's anesthesia has run out and she's in a lot of pain. She's bleeding quite profusely." "I'm almost there. Does she need her bandage changed?" The boy paused. He took a gulp and made a face, but decided to follow through anyway. Taking Mai by the shoulders, he asked her to open her mouth so he could take a look. What he saw made his knees weak and a huge lump in his throat started forming. He felt sick. Glad to have an excuse to turn away, he replied to Lin, "Yes, she needs it changed. It's soaked thoroughly." Behind him, Mai howled in pain. "You'll have to help her change it out, Noll." "What? How do you mean help?" his insides went cold. "Pull out the bandages and get her sorted with new, clean ones. The doctor packed some extra gauze in the bag." Naru cringed again. If there was one thing he was weak against, it was mouth wounds. Gene had undergone a similar surgery once and watching Luella changing out his bloodied bandages and seeing a bright, red, gaping wound inside his brother's mouth was enough to traumatize him for a lifetime. He croaked out, "Lin." Unspoken was the emphatic plead of 'please do not tell me to do that. You know I can't.' On the other line, Lin sighed. "I am about two minutes away. Just help her calm down." "Alright." Naru clicked the line off. "Mai, Lin is almost here with the painkillers. Does rinsing it out with cool water help alleviate the pain somewhat?" Mai nodded through tears. "I'll grab some ice for your cheeks. It might help soothe the pain," He told her gently, patting her back softly before walking briskly out of the bathroom and making his way toward the kitchen. He grabbed a handful of ice and stuffed it inside a Ziplock container, adding a bit of cool water, and made his way back. Then, suddenly realizing he had locked the front door, Naru was about to take a quick detour toward the living room when the sound of the lock turning hit his ears. Lin's figure came into view, carrying several bags in his hands. Naru frowned. Did she also give Lin a copy of her keys? When? And why would Lin need a copy of it? Ignoring the annoyance bubbling out of his chest, he stepped out of the way as Lin strode past him confidently, deciding it was best to let the onmyouji assess Mai's situation. He watched as Lin cupped Mai's cheeks very gently. "Taniyama-san," he said, his voice soft and placating, "I'll have to change out your gauze to get you cleaned up." When Mai nodded and opened her mouth, Naru took that as his cue to slip back into the kitchen to get her a glass of water for her medication. By the time he got back, she had calmed down considerably and Lin was already washing out his hands. He stepped inside the cramped bathroom with them and handed her the cup along with the pills, which she took gratefully from his outstretched palms and quickly quaffed down. "How long before this kicks in?" she asked between sniffles. "Within fifteen minutes you'll be feeling drowsy and pain-free again," Naru answered. -000- The two gentlemen found themselves in her small kitchen. In one pot, Lin was busy preparing chicken noodle soup (following his mother's recipe, except he decided to chop up the noodles into very small pieces) so that Mai would have something to sustain her during the next couple of days. In the other pot, he was making a simple black beans and rice dish for their dinner. "Yasuhara-san is very late," Naru mumbled to himself as he flipped a page on his book. With a slightly louder volume meant to catch Lin's ears, he asked out, "What time did he say he was going to be here?" "Originally, three p.m, but he got held up with his activities. He thinks he may get here around seven." Naru leaned back and closed his book, pressing his thumbs against his eyelids. It had been a long day. "Mai is due to drink her next dosage. Shall we wake her?" "Yes, she'll need to eat first." He ladled on a small serving into a bowl and headed off to her room alongside his young charge. Naru sat himself at the edge of her bed and shook her gently. "Mai. You'll have to eat so you can take your next dose. Mai." Eventually, the girl stirred under him, sleep and fogginess still evident in her eyes. The painkiller was still coursing through her system, dampening her mental state. "I'm hungry," she said weakly. Lin settled himself down on the other side of the bed, letting the smell of the soup waft toward her to gain her attention. "Ooh, it smells good. What's that?" "Chicken noodle soup. It will be easy for you to gulp down." The girl nodded and opened her mouth, temporarily taking Lin by surprise. He did not think she would ask him to feed her, but feeling sorry for her current state, he simply pulled the corners of his mouth taut, scooped up a serving, and blew on it to make sure it was not hot. Then his next action surprised him, but before he could think he took a little sip from the spoon to test its temperature and brought it to her lips once he deemed it acceptable. Beside him, he could practically feel Noll raise his brow in astonishment. "I had no idea you were on such friendly terms," Naru said stiffly. "And to think she was afraid of asking you to take her, when she'd already given you a key to her apartment and you're eating off of the same spoon." Lin was sure he could hear a bit of testiness in his voice, but his demeanor was emotionally blank. Noll was always good at masking his emotions. "Jealousy does not become you, Noll." This took the teenager aback, but he quickly recovered. "It's nice to know you'd finally developed a sense of humor." "I'm putting an effort into it. Though it's not as dry as yours." Naru rolled his eyes. Finally, feeling a bit sorry for the poor boy, Lin explained, "Taniyama-san does not know I posses a copy of her key. Takigawa-san handed me a copy in the case Mai got into trouble and made me swear upon my honor I would never use it otherwise." Naru didn't know why, but this statement somewhat placated him. "Presumptuous of the monk to do so." "But understandable." "Lin-san." Lin felt a small tug on his shirt and he looked down to see Mai's innocent, expectant look, softly demanding, "More." Lin gulped. Somewhere deep within him, he felt a tug of tender emotion that was quickly followed by guilt. He automatically gave Noll a sidelong glance. "Upon your honor," Noll sarcastically drawled out, obviously understanding something deeper in that small exchange. Noll's observation skills were always topnotch. Rather than try to clarify anything, Lin sighed and fed her another serving. There was a painful silence as she slowly took her dinner, Lin continually checking to make sure the soup was of the right temperature before giving it to her. After a while, she slightly pushed him away and scooted back to rest against her headboard, feeling quite content with the amount of food she'd taken. To his mortification, however, Taniyama suddenly smiled sweetly and slurred, "Lin-san, you're very handsome." She reached out and grazed her hands softly along his face. If he could, Lin would have blushed. Instead, he pulled back and said evenly, "Thank you, Taniyama-san." Mai nodded and her smile grew bigger. She suddenly shivered and pulled up the blanket and commented, "It's very cold in here." Naru was startled by this and breathed out to calm himself down, despite his mounting annoyance that was only getting further exacerbated when Lin turned to his direction with a knowing smirk. "There's just a draft coming from that direction, Taniyama-san," Lin had carelessly pointed, presumably toward the window, but it happened to be on the same side Noll was on. With an aggravated sigh, Noll stood up and offered Mai his hands, saying, "It's time to change your bandage again so you can drink your medication and go back to sleep. Come." Lin stood up as well. "I'll be cleaning up the kitchen then. I'll leave you to it, Noll." When Mai took Naru's outstretched hands, she blushed and her face radiated a brilliant smile. In a semi-hushed whisper, she said conspiratorially, "Between you and me, I think you're more handsome than Lin-san." Of course, in the stillness of the room, her attempts at secrecy failed and Lin raised his brow. Beside her, his young charge smirked in self-satisfaction and turned to him triumphantly, answering the inebriated girl back with a mock whisper, "I think so, too." Lin rolled his eyes and exited the room, shaking his head in silent amusement as a smile crept up his face.

[fxyeahriverdale-blog]

What Happened To US?      Chapter 5: Jughead comes home, wherever that is

A/N: I edited this myself, so be nice please haha

Read the story on AO3

“Elizabeth, why am I getting a call from your psychiatrist saying that you have not showed up to any of your appointments in the past month?” Betty sighs. She has been avoiding therapy. She does not really want to talk about about her situation with her therapist. She does not feel comfortable opening up to somebody she hardly knows. Betty doesn't feel she can trust many people in Riverdale anymore. Before therapy there was one person she could vent to, that was Jughead. After she and Jughead stopped talking she kept everything to herself. She was too nervous to tell anything to Archie.

“I have been a little busy mom.”

“Elizabeth we pay good money for you to have therapy. You need to continue your sessions. And once again I refilled your prescription for you.” Alice hands Betty one of her many pills bottles. Betty is tempted to run to the trash can and toss it out. No amount of medication can change how she feels.

“I have rescheduled an appointment for next week. I also received a phone call from Sheriff Keller. They need to talk to you at the station to prepare you for Chuck Clayton’s hearing. I did my best to get you out of it, but you are a key witness. A subpoena came in the mail and you are being summoned to testify at his trial.” Betty’s blood boils at the thought of being in the same room as Chuck Clayton. She imagines his smug face and her leaping across the room at him.

“There are cell phone videos and over a dozen witnesses. This should be case closed.” Betty says annoyed.

“His lawyers are putting up a good fight. His family hired a wealthy New York firm. Be ready at 3:45, so that I can take you there. I am still upset that you did not inform me of when you were questioned by Sheriff Keller. Who knows what they can use against you now since your mother was not there. This is one of the many reasons that you are now grounded.” Betty is fuming now.

“Is this a joke?”

“Do not raise your tone with me young lady.”

“My boyfr-Jughead is getting out of the hospital today and I am going to be there. Sorry mom, but there is no prescription that is going to change my dedication to the people I love.”

“I am trying to keep you safe. The only way I can do that is by keeping you under my roof.”

“I am not going to hide mom. You can’t stop me.”

Betty heard a knock at her front door. Saved by Kevin Keller. Betty happily opens the front door. ”You have no idea how happy I am to see you.” Betty says as she runs into Kevin’s arms.

“Aw Betty I am so sorry I haven’t been here. Hello Alice.” Kevin notices Alice scowling behind them.

“Kevin my daughter is grounded.”

“Don’t listen to her.” Betty shuts the front door.

“Alice seems like she is in a wonderful mood.”

“The Dark Ages have brought out the crazy.”

“I thought that was every day.”

“She has upped the crazy. Kevin that tan. The golden state looks good on you.” Betty notices Kevin’s new West Coast sun kisses sand.”Maybe I should go to California for a few weeks.”

“Or the tanning salon downtown.”

“I don’t want my skin to be as orange as Cheryl and Archie’s hair.” They both laugh.

“Are you ready to go?”

“Yes. Thanks for coming with me.”

“Of course Betty!” Betty picks up her purse from the coat rack near the door.

The two walk out to Sheriff Keller’s truck.”Are you sure your dad is okay with your borrowing his truck to pick up Jughead?”

“I left out a few itty bitty details when asking him if I could borrow it.”

“I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

“Deep down my dad knows that Jughead is a good person.” Betty gives Kevin an unconvinced look.

“Hey guys.” Betty tenses up as she hears Archie’s familiar voice.”Kevin you’re back.” Kevin folds his arms and glares at Archie. Betty smiles, feeling grateful again that Kevin is back. No matter the situation, Kevin always has her back.”Are you going to bring Jughead home?”

“Yes.” Betty says shyly.

“You know that he is not going back with his foster family?" Betty looks at Archie confused."Jughead’s foster family is giving up custody of him.”

“What?” Betty asks confused.”I talked to Linda last week. She was visiting Jughead.” Betty suddenly remembers Jughead’s foster mother Linda carrying a bunch of paperwork.

“He is being placed back into the foster system. His foster parents cannot accommodate him anymore. He has too many needs with all of his medication and therapy.” This is the cherry on top of everything that has been thrown at Betty Cooper this past year.

“Where is he going to go?” Betty asks panicked.

“I don’t know. For now he is going to come home and live here until he is placed somewhere.”

“Does Jug know about this?”

“Yes. We talked about it a few days ago.” Betty feels hurt that he did not mention it to her. She has to remind herself for the millionth time that is a different Jughead. This is the Jughead that keeps secrets from his friends. The Jughead that feels his problems are a burden on his friends and loved ones. Betty can't help how much it stings that Jughead trusts Archie more than her. After everything Archie did to him, even though Jughead has no idea.

Archie can clearly see the hurt on Betty’s face.”He doesn’t want you to worry.”

“I always worry.”

"He decided that he wants to stay at my place until the situation gets sorted. At least he'll be close by."

"For now." Betty says sadly. She has spent so much time fighting for her relationship. When Jughead transferred to Southside high and became a serpent, they had to work extra hard on their relationship. She is tired. She doesn't know how much more fight she has left.

"You could tell him the truth."

"How would he react to that?"

"I don't know." Archie shrugs. “Do you want help getting him from the hospital?” Archie asks hopefully.

“We can manage.” Kevin answers. Archie looks over at Betty.

“Jug would want him there.” Betty answers. Kevin looks at Betty confused.

“Thanks Betty.” Archie replies. Betty rolls her eyes.

They get to the hospital and Jughead is all ready waiting outside in the loading zone. He is wearing a red t-shirt and jeans. His signature beanie is still in police custody.

“Jughead Jones without the beanie. Shook.” Kevin says as soon as he sees Jughead. Betty let's a small smile escape her lips.

Jughead spots Archie and Betty hopping out of an unfamiliar truck. Both Betty and Archie look uncomfortable. Jughead has known Betty for long enough to know that she has a forced smile on her face. Archie mouths ‘sorry’ to Jughead. Archie wasn’t supposed to tell Betty about his foster parent situation. Betty had told him she would pick him up today, but he told her she didn't need to. He asked Archie to come, so that he did not have to tell her about his foster family situation.

Betty has been terrific through everything. She always is. Visiting him everyday bringing him excellent food. Somedays she brings him take out from Pops. She brings him movies and they watch them together. The highlight of his days in the hospital was always hanging out with Betty Cooper. He almost wished he could stay in the hospital longer, so he could have his daily movie marathons with her.

“This is what sunlight looks like.” Jughead jokes after being cooped up in a hospital room for weeks.

“Are you excited to be coming home?” Archie asks. Jughead feels uncomfortable at that word. He has no idea where that is. He has moved homes a few times in his young life, Jughead doesn't know where his real home is.

“Thanks for letting me stay at yours.” Jughead says to Archie.

“The garage is all set up for you.” Jughead notices Betty looking down at the ground clearly distracted. She is tightening her ponytail painfully tight. Jughead knows that Betty tightens her ponytail when she is feeling anxious.

“Thanks Archie. Thanks for coming to get me guys.” Betty looks up again. She smiles at him.”Whose truck is that?” Jughead asks confused.

“Kevin’s.” Archie answers.

“The final member of the Scooby gang.” Jughead says.

“Exactly.” Archie sits in the front seat of the truck. Jughead and Betty squeeze into the back.

“Hey Jughead, I am Kevin.” Kevin holds out his hand and Betty face palms herself.

“Oh my god Kevin!” Archie cannot contain his laughter.

“What?” Kevin asks confused.

“I know who you are Kevin. I have forgotten the past ten months, not my entire life.”

“Oh. My bad.” Kevin says embarrassed.

Kevin and Archie talk in the front seat, but Jughead does not listen to them. He focuses his attention on Betty. Her head is against the window and she is staring outside. Her eyes are red and tired.

“Betty?” Jughead says quietly. She looks over at him.

“Are you okay?” He sees the change in her demeanor immediately. Betty likes to put on a front, acting happy all of the time. If anyone beings to see through her act, she tries even harder.

“Ya I am fine. How are you?” He knows she is lying, but he does not want to pressure her.

“My head doesn’t hurt anymore thanks to the great meds they gave me and I have a bad ass scar on my stomach. Nobody will ever mess with me again when they see that.” Jughead cannot read the expression on Betty’s face. He is dying to know what is going through her head.

Jughead and Betty sit in silence for the remainder of the car ride.

“Jughead it’s nice to see to see you again.”

“Are you coming in Kevin?” Archie asks.

“I would, but I have an appointment with a hot greendale boy from grindr.”

“Be safe.” Betty warns Kevin. Everyone moves to get out of the car.

”Not you Betty. We need to have a chat.” Kevin says.

Jughead exits the truck and he looks back at Kevin chatting to Betty.”Is she okay?” Jughead asks Archie.

“Ya she is all right.” Jughead looks at Archie unconcinved as they walk into the house.

“I have brain damage, but I am not blind Archie. She is clearly upset about something.”

“Betty has had a really tough time dealing with all of this.” Jughead feels guilty right away. Betty should not have to feel bad.

“Why? Because she was there when I got stabbed?”

“She told you?” Archie asks confused. He looks worried.

“The police told me. Betty was with me when the paramedics arrived.” Archie seems to relax.

Nobody has explained to Jughead why Betty was at Southside High in the first place.”I wish she would say what’s bothering her.” Jughead thinks out loud.

“Betty likes to make people think she’s always okay. It’s my fault she’s upset.” Jughead looks at Archie confused.

“Why is it your fault?”

“I may have told Betty about your situation with your foster family. When you two stopped being friends, it was really hard for her. She was even angry at me for a bit. She wouldn’t say it out loud, but she was jealous that you stayed friends with me. I think she is a bit hurt because she thought she had you back- back in her life this past year. When she found out you talked about your foster family situation with me and not her, I think it made her feel insecure again. Like she is going to lose you again.”

“I didn’t think she cared that much.”

“Jug she visited you everyday.”

“Honestly, I thought she did it out of guilt because she was there when I got stabbed.”

“Betty cares about you much more than you know Jug. She is really struggling.” Jughead looks out the window where Betty is exiting Kevin’s car. He is expecting her to head for Archie’s house. She heads for the big white house next door instead.

“Should I go talk to her?” Jughead looks at Archie. He knows he probably should, but he is nervous. Betty was not talkative at all in the car. Maybe she doesn’t want to talk?

“I think she would really like that.”

“I’ll be back in a bit. Thanks Archie. For everything! I mean it.”

“Anytime Jug.”

Jughead races out of the Andrews house and forwards the front door of the Cooper’s. He rings the doorbell and his heart begins pounding.

The door opens and he is hoping that it is Betty.”Jughead Jones. You are a sight for sore eyes.” Jughead’s heart begins racing even more, now out of fear.

“Hello Mrs. C. I am here to see Betty.”

“I know why you’re here. My daughter is grounded. She is not allowed visitors.”

“Oh okay. Can you tell her that I dropped by please?”

“I’ll let her know.”

“Mom.” Betty appears on the staircase.”It is rude not to invite guests inside.”

“He was just leaving.” Alice shoots Jughead a death glare.

“Ya I was.”

“What a coincidence, so was I.”

“You are grounded Elizabeth.”

“I’ll be home later. You can ground me then.” Betty shuts the front door. Jughead smiles.

“What?” She asks him.

“I have never seen anyone match your mother like that and live to tell the tale.”

“She is all bark and no bite honestly. What are you doing here?”

“I need to pick up some medication from the drug store and I was wondering if you wanted to join me? Unless you were headed somewhere else."

"Ya sure. I just wanted to get out of the house. I wasn't really headed anywhere honestly."

"Maybe we can go to Pop's after?" Jughead asks Betty hopefully.

"Ya I'd like that." A warm smile appears on Betty's face and Jughead knows that it's genuine.

Betty is surprised when Jughead asks her to go to the drug store. She had a sinking feeling this morning that things would never be the same after Archie told her that Jughead could end up anywhere with a new foster family.

“Betty I want to say thank you for being here the past couple of weeks. You have been here for me more than anyone.” Betty smiles.”I am sorry for not saying anything about my foster family, I didn’t want to upset you.”

“Oh Jug you don’t need to apologize. I am not upset about that.” She knew it wasn’t his fault. He doesn’t know how much he can trust her. He doesn't know that his problems are not a burden for her.

“Why are you upset?”

“Mostly just stuff with my mom.” That is not completely a lie. She knows that Jughead is not convinced because that is not the full truth. Everything she is keeping from him feels so heavy.” When Archie told me about your foster family the first thought I had was of you moving away somewhere far. I don’t want to think about it, but the thought terrifies me.” Betty admits.

“Hey my care worker said there’s a big chance I am going to have a foster family in the state of New York. I won’t go too far.”

“But this is your home Jug.” Betty’s voice cracks. She is fighting back tears.

“I don’t know where my home is honestly.” Jughead admits. Betty knows how big that admission is. He had admitted to her how much he doesn’t feel accepted in Riverdale after they first started dating.

“Riverdale isn’t perfect, but you belong here Jug.” Betty studies his face and she can tell that he almost believes her.

Betty and Jughead stopped at the drug store before Pop’s. Jughead pulled out a folder with the many prescription forms from the hospital.

“Jughead Jones, I am sorry to hear what happened to you. It is good to see you back on your feet. Hello Betty.” Rodger Mantle the town pharmacist says.

“Thanks Mr. Mantle.” Jughead responds. He hands Mr. Mantle his prescription forms.

“Let me go find these for you.”

Jughead looks across the street excitedly at the familiar neon lights.

"Pop Tate is going to be so excited to see you."

"I am equally as excited to see him and eat several burgers." Betty does not know how Jughead can always scarf down so many burgers and still keep his fit physique. The boy barely works out. Betty wishes she had Jughead's metabolism.

“Here you go. Say hi to your parents for me Betty.”

The two head across the street to Pop's just like old times.

Betty cannot help but smile at all of the happy memories she and Jughead have had here. Their broken friendship resumed at Pop’s. After the pep rally when Betty handed out an olive branch to Veronica and Archie. She asked the boys to join them for milkshakes. Jughead was the one who accepted the offer. That was one of Betty’s favorite memories at Pop's.

“If it isn’t my two favorite customers.” Pop Tate greets the teenagers excitedly.”Boy am I happy to see you.”

“It’s good to be back.” Jughead says excitedly. Betty smiles at the pure joy the Chock'lit shop brings him.

“I missed the smell of vinyl.” Jughead and Betty sit down across from each other in the middle booth.

“What can I get you two?” Pop Tate asks.

“Vanilla shake and a burger for me please.” Betty says.

“The usual.” Jughead answers.

“You got it.”

Betty found herself smiling again as she found herself reminiscing again.”What are you so giddy about?” Jughead asks.

“Nothing.” Jughead raises an eyebrow unconvinced.

“Just-there was a moment when I didn’t think I would ever get the chance to get a milkshake with you again.” Betty admits. She regrets it as soon as she lets it slip. She looks down embarrassed. She shouldn’t have answered him. He is so fragile right now.

“I am sorry if I gave you a scare. I didn’t really know that-” Jughead stops himself.

“Know what?”

“I didn’t know anyone cared.” Jughead admits quietly. Betty can't stop herself before she reaches across the table and grabs Jughead's hand.

“There are a lot of people that care about you Jughead.” There is a comfortable silence as the two stare at each other. Betty is lost in his soft blue eyes. This is the first time she has gotten to touch him since he woke up from his coma.

The milkshakes are dropped down on the table interrupting the conversation. Betty quickly pulls her hand away and Jughead grabs his milkshake.

“Hey Betts.”

“Ya?”

“If I asked you anything? Would you answer honestly?” Betty’s entire body tenses up. Butterflies swarming in her stomach.

“You don’t think I would be honest with you?” That is a very hypocritical for her to say and she knows it.

“Answering a question with another question. That’s not a good start.” Betty nervously begins drinking her milkshake.“Please Betty. You are one of the few people I can trust. I just have this urge that there is so much that nobody is telling me. Everybody is walking on eggshells around me and I am sick of it.”

“Jug you just got out of the hospital.”

“Not you too. I thought of all people you would be honest with me. My memory may or may not come back. I have a right to know what has happened the past ten months.”

“You’re right.” Betty sighs. She can’t say no to him. She all ready feels guilt about lying to him. There are so many that she can't keep track of them anymore.“Juggie a lot has happened this year. Where do you want me to start?”

“At the beginning. July 2nd.”

“You might want to order a few burgers because this is going to be a long conversation.”

Betty told Jughead almost everything about the entire year minus a few details. She told him that his road trip with Archie did not work out, but she did not tell him about Archie bailing. She told him about Fred being shot, but she did not include his falling out with Archie. She told him everything minus their relationship. The whole conversation Betty felt her hand on Jughead's phone in her pant's pocket. She has been waiting for an appropriate moment to give it back to him. Betty keeps chickening out at every moment. She removes her hand from the phone and places it on the straw of her almost empty milkshake.

“We became friends again this year?” Jughead asks as he bites into his third burger.

“I started the school paper up again. The Blue and Gold. I recruited you and that’s how we began investigating Jason’s murder.”

“I wish I could remember that.” Jughead admits. Betty wishes the same thing.”Thanks for updating me Betty. It’s been a crazy year. My dad in jail? Me becoming a Southside Serpent? I knew these things, but I just needed to connect the dots. My dad always kept me away from Southside High for that very reason. I know how ironic that is considering his occupation as a leader of the Serpents. It’s like I was a totally different person. That’s insane.”

“You have no idea.”

“It’s up to you Jug, but your dad he is still in the cell block at the police department.” Jughead sighs. Betty can tell he is conflicted. ”He has really changed. He quit drinking and started working for Fred again. He cleaned up the trailer. You were so exci-” Betty curses herself as she stops mid sentence. She can’t help herself.

“I didn’t know you knew my dad too well.”

Betty feels guilty for not bringing up their relationship. She doesn’t want to burden him with the information. The main reason she hasn’t said anything is that she is scared of his reaction. What if this Jughead doesn’t feel the same way? What if he doesn’t want a girlfriend? He made a joke in his hospital bed last week about having a girlfriend. That decision is not for her to make. He says that he wants to know everything. Their relationship is a big thing to leave out.

“Juggie there is one more thing you need to know.” Betty pauses and Jughead looks at her curiously. She pulls Jughead's phone out of her pocket ready to give him the full truth. ”In the fall-"

“Look who it is.” Veronica appears with Archie beside her.”It is nice to see you out of a hospital bed Jughead.”

“You two are here together?” Betty asks curious.

“Is that okay?” Veronica looks at her best friend nervously. Betty is not upset that they are back together. Yes she is angry at Archie, but those are her feelings. Veronica does not have to have the same feelings.

“That’s great news. I am happy for you guys.” Betty says genuinely.

Veronica slides into the booth next to Betty. Archie hesitates, but then sits down next to Jughead.

“What were you guys talking about?” Veronica asks.

“Betty was updating me on life the past ten months.”

“Crazy right?”

“Crazy is an understatement.” Betty looked down at her phone to see that it is 3:30.

“I have to go!” Betty stands up abruptly. Jughead looks at her confused.

“I can walk you back.”

“No, no stay here. Veronica and Archie just got here. I will be fine. I just forgot that I have an appointment.”

“What appointment?” Veronica asks being nosy.

“A doctor’s appointment. My mom will kill me if I miss it.” Betty reaches into her purse.

“Don’t worry about it Betty. I’ll take care of it. Just get to your appointment.”

“Thanks Juggie. I’ll catch up with you guys later.”

Betty rushes outside. She catches her breath. She was so close to telling him. She had opened her mouth to tell Jughead about them and Veronica and Archie had to walk into Pop’s right at that moment. Maybe it’s a sign.

“Look who we have here.” Betty shuts her eyes in frustration as she hears the familiar voice of one of Chuck’s minions. She continues to walk, picking up her pace.”Where are you going Betty?” Betty continues, but the group of boys catch up to her.”Come on we just want to chat.” Betty continues to ignore them. One of them yanks her ponytail.”Bitch, you ruined Chuck’s life and now you are walking around this town with your slut head held high.”

“Get off of me now.”

“What about when Chuck begged for mercy while you had him handcuffed ready to deep fry him in that hot tub?”

“I am not going to ask again.” Everything starts to turn black. Betty elbows the boy in the stomach as hard as she can.

“Hey! Leave the girl alone.” The darkness begins to fade as Betty sees three serpents standing in front of her.

“Don’t you remember what happened the last time the serpents squared off with us?”

"You needed a weapon to win a fist fight. Yes we remember. Do you remember what happens to people that steps on snakes? They get bit. Especially when their alpha male isn’t around to protect them.” Betty can tell the boys are terrified by the serpents.”Get the hell out of here.”

The boys run off.”Are you okay?” One of the serpents asks Betty.

“Yes thank you. You didn’t have to do that.”

“How’s Jughead?” One of the Serpents asks.

“He’s good minus the memory loss. He doesn’t remember becoming a serpent. You guys would know that if you had visited him.” Betty says bitterly.

“We heard about his memory loss and we didn’t want to confuse him. FP thought it was better if we stayed away.”

“I get it.” Betty understands the part about not wanting to confuse him. She feels angry because Jughead claimed to Betty that he joined the Serpents because they can provide security and they care about him. The security part was wrong. It is not the Serpents fault that Jughead was in the hospital, Betty has to keep reminding the town about this. The town's unwillingness to see reason is why this war began in the first place.

“He is really lucky to have a strong girl like you.” Strong. Ya right. She can’t even work up the courage to tell him how she really feels.

“Betty?” Betty sighs as she hears the familiar voice.

“We should go.”

“Thank you again.” Betty whispers to them. The serpents walk away quickly.

“What’s going on here?” Jughead asks confused.

“Nothing. I have to get going or I really will be grounded.”

“Betty we saw everything from Pop’s, well Veronica and Archie were too caught up with each other. Please let me walk you home at least. You kind of let me abruptly to be a third wheel in there."

"We have to walk quick."

"Deal. So what did you want to tell me in the diner?” Jughead asks curiously. All of the courage Betty had back in the diner is gone.

“Huh?” Betty can’t help, but remember the serpents words about not wanting to confuse him.”Oh I don’t remember.” Betty lies.

The two walk home in silence as Betty holds back tears. She hates how much of a coward she is.

The only hope she is holding onto is that the doctor said there is a chance his memory could back at anytime or never. All Betty can do is hope that one day it comes back.

A/N: It took me a while to write this chapter because I am not too happy with the way it turned out. The next one will be much better! I had a crazy busy weekend I moved home Friday, went to a funeral/birthday party/graduation party on Saturday, and now I am moving my stuff in. Hopefully I will be able to keep updating every day/couple of days. I really enjoy this story and I love the feedback I have been getting! Again thank you so much for reading and commenting :). The support means everything to me and keeps me writing.

[twistedingenue]

My husbands test strips have been a complete clusterfuck.

They are supposed to be free with a prescription, but getting them at the pharmacy means a $50 co-pay. I don’t understand it either. We set it up on mail-order which was great. Until he didn’t use as many as he usually does, and the prescriptions expired.

So you’d think, okay, that’s easy, just get a new prescription.

We did, leaving the doctor with instructions on how to set it up for mail order. And we wait. A month passes without anything. Husband figures he’ll ask about it at his next appointment. Which is canceled twice due to the doc being sick, and then he misses the third because he was dealing with a low blood sugar and can’t really drive.

He calls to reschedule and finds out “Oh, we haven’t processed that prescription yet.”

WTF. That is literally your job as a diabetes clinic. So we give the instructions again.

Caremark calls us the next day because they need authorization. Why they called us and not the doctors office, we have no idea. But the Doc’s office gives us grief about “We shouldn’t have to do this if you had filled your prescription on time”

LADY YOU NEVER PROCESSED THE PRESCRIPTION.

we are not happy with the doctors office.

So it gets dealt with, and I go to check on the order status today because husband has had to switch to an old meter and is soon only going to have expired strips to test with.

AND IT’S BEING SENT TO THE WRONG FUCKING ADDRESS.

Not even our last apartment. no. the fucking house with the amazing bathtub and kitchen. 

My husband is raging mad at this point, but this at least, I can handle because it’s my insurance. I call Caremark and I’m like “Uh...how did this happen and how can we get this fixed.”

A very nice man named Ted is helping us. The order hadn’t been picked up so there’s a stop placed to try to change the address, and if that doesn’t work, he’s going to get an override so that we can pick them up at the CVS instead without the co-pay. He’s going to call me and tell me what we need to do. 

And if I wasn’t married already I would pick a man like Ted.  Of course, if I wasn’t married, I wouldn’t have to deal with this mess.

 I’ll settle for asking to speak to his supervisor and then just gush at how wonderful it was just to deal with someone kind and thoughtful, who identified the problem and attempted to fix it right away and followed up with what needed to be done.

[liberallifeblog]

Your First Colonoscopy! What to Expect

Whee! Time for a Tube Up Your Tuchus!

image: wikimedia commons

By Crabby McSlacker So, some perspective here: for people with serious illnesses who've been through hardcore, painful, debilitating, invasive medical procedures? A colonoscopy is probably child's play. (Although let's be clear, that's just an expression. If your child actually plays this way? We need to talk). But for most people, there's at least a little trepidation. And for many, if statistics are to be believed, that fear is significant enough to skip the procedure entirely! Well sure, it could save your life and all, but really? Do you have to? There are actually some alternative colon cancer screening methods. But since I didn't get to use one of them myself, discussion of these will be brief, and possibly a little bitter. I've had a couple of  colonoscopies now. (And an additional bowel prep due to my hysterectomy.) My second colonoscopy was just a few days ago and the memories are still fresh. So I'm thinking it's time to share some info and observations and tips?  This is after all, a health blog, although with recent posts on tattoos and winter travel, it's easy to miss that part. Here's the thing: for some people the whole colonoscopy thing is a breeze. For a very few unlucky folks: it's horrible. For most people I know, myself included: the procedure and the prep are somewhere in the middle. Decidedly unpleasant but not intolerable. But being a whiner myself, I get tired of all those public-spirited accounts of the colonoscopy process that make it sound entirely innocuous in order to get you to go ahead and get yours. I'm not going to lie to you just to make sure you go do it. You need to and you will be really glad you did it! But it's not exactly fun. Here's at least one chronic complainer's take on what's involved. And for those of you who have already joined this exclusive club? I'll be curious if your experience was similar or if there are all kinds of different colonoscopy experiences. Warning: due to mature and disgusting subject matter, reader discretion is advised.

Why You Should Suck it Up and Get a Colonoscopy (or Other Screening Test)

According to the NIH, colon cancer is the second leading cause of cancer deaths in the United States. This blows me away, considering how slow-growing and preventable colon cancer generally is.  And while overall rates are going down because of better screening, rates in people under 50 are going up. Environmental toxins? Diet? Bad karma? Who knows, but it means that screening, and even early screening, are more important than ever.

What Are Some Alternatives to Colonoscopy to Screen for Colon Cancer?

Home Stool-Testing Options: These include FIT (fecal immunochemical test) and Colorguard. There are pretty obvious upsides to not having to prep your bowels, get doped up with sedatives, and have a stranger ram a scope up your butt to see what lurks inside. But the downsides include less accuracy, and a need for more frequent testing. Do you want to send in a smear of your poop to a lab every year? (Or, in the case of the pricier ColorGuard test, every three years?) On the other hand, if you are at low risk and would otherwise skip screening entirely, these are definitely worth looking into. Sigmoidoscopy: These are in many ways similar to a colonoscopy. You still have to do bowel prep, and there's a scope involved, but the doctors' don't look at nearly as much once they're up in there. This may mean less sedation is needed, but you have to wonder: what's the point of going through all that if they're only going to look at the left half of your colon? Virtual Colonoscopy: This alternative does not generally require sedation; an x-ray technician obtains images of your colon from outside your body, not from inside. Sounds great, right? But virtual colonoscopies still involve bowel prep, plus you have to swallow a contrast agent. You will still have a tube inserted where the sun don't shine, but not nearly as far up. It's there to inflate your bowels so they can get a better look. Fun times, right? There are others possibilities in the works too, stay tuned! Like camera pills and, even more exciting, blood tests for cancer that detect cancers in early stages anywhere in your body.

When it's Time for Your Colonoscopy

1. Carefully Pick Your Provider or Facility This may not be an option depending on your insurance or geography, but if it is... there does seem to be a difference in various facilities in terms both of expertise and patient-coddling. Some clinics are brusque and factory-like, others are extremely solicitous and try to make the experience as tolerable as possible. Ask friends who've been through it, talk to doctors, read reviews if you can find any. If you are high-maintenance like Crabby is, you will appreciate having expert doctors and kind nurses and assistants to hold your hand, listen to your concerns (however misguided or hysterical), and get reassurance that you that will indeed survive relatively unscathed. 2. Don't Blow Off  the Instructions, Read 'Em When You Get  'Em If you are freaked out about the whole thing, you may attempt to pretend it isn't happening. Totally understandable! Yet if in order to maintain this illusion you  avoid the literature you've been given? You will run into trouble. Sorry, you can't wait til the last minute to deal with the details, or you'll have to reschedule and probably pay a hefty cancellation fee. Some of the prep starts a week in advance, with certain foods (mainly nuts and seeds), medications, and supplements you need to avoid. Then a few days out there are even more prohibitions. There is also a prescription you'll have to fill, and lead-time can be essential on this one. My first bowel prep they RAN OUT of the Rx I wanted and I had to drink twice as much of an old-school kind because that was all they had. Also, while there are "generic" prep instructions like I'm giving here, each practitioner has their own take on it, so read what THEY send, don't rely on The Google. So steel yourself, make yourself read the damn thing when they send it, then mark your calendar or send yourself a reminder or whatever on the first date when you're supposed to start doing things differently.

Colonoscopy Prep

Part 1: The Part Where You Starve Yourself OK, technically you won't be starving. The "clear liquid" diet you have to be on the day before you go in will actually let you drink and eat a days worth of calories in the form of Seven Up and chicken broth and jello. (But not red or purple jello). A clear liquid diet is no fun. You can have coffee or tea (yay!) but can't put any milk in it. You will feel cranky and deprived no matter how much of that stuff you have. But here is an important tip: Get a few calories, even if they're stupid, pointless, ridiculous calories. If you are trying to lose weight or are otherwise mindful of calories or carbs, this may seem like an excellent opportunity to bank a lot of missed meals. You can't eat normal food anyway. And really, is Seven-Up any more satisfying than club soda or iced tea or a diet drink? Why not just have a no-sugar beverage instead? Nothing you're going to have under the "clear liquids" category, whether caloric or not, resembles actual food. So why not just hydrate and skip the sugar? Well, a little of this caloric deprivation is fine, especially if you are used to fasting. You will probably have a pretty low-cal day just because of the "no fun" aspect. But I discovered something interesting: Even though I occasionally do some intermittent fasting , and I'm totally used to functioning normally without calories for a day? Total fasting can be a really bad idea before a colonoscopy because you need a reasonably strong stomach for disgusting nature of the upcoming bowel prep. The combo of the laxative regimen below, combined with low blood sugar from fasting was, for me, pretty much a disaster, even though I was very conscientious about hydrating. So my advice: get at least half a days calories in you, even if they're of necessity mostly sugar. Part 2: Choke Down the Most Disgusting Fluid You Will Ever Consume in Your Life

Photo: Missy Meyer

There seem to be many variations in formulas. I've tried three: the first was the hilariously named GoLytely. Yep, I think that's pronounced "Go Lightly." Could anything be further from the truth? Don't kid yourself: you will not be "going lightly." I've also had "HalfLytely," which is a version of GoLytely that requires a smaller volume of fluid and, as I recall, some pills. Neither of these taste totally horrible, not that they're pleasant. But the texture is icky and the grossness factor builds exponentially as you force yourself to drink more and more of the liquid.  Of the two I'd go with the Half version. My third, and least favorite, was SuPrep. It required the least amount of dilution and the overall volume was the smallest. But the taste was horrific. The grapey faux-fruit overlay did not conceal the essential bitter, metallic and salty grossness it. It was a two step process, and for reasons I will bore you with below I would never, ever, ever, ever do that again. Part 3: Station Yourself Near the Toilet and Pray for Mercy (Sensitive readers: you may want to skip these next paragraphs). Again, the first two times were not so bad with the GoLytely variants. More fluid was involved in the ingestion process, so the clean-out was not painful, just extremely thorough. Sort of amazing and amusing really. But it was all over the day before the procedure, and I slept just fine the night before. This time, the SuPrep was a nightmare.  I took the first dose, as instructed, at 5 p.m. the night before my procedure, but it only worked little by little. By bedtime I was exhausted but I was terrified to sleep because it was still wreaking havoc on my innards, and I was petrified I'd soil the bed. (I managed not to, thank god). But I had to get up repeatedly during the night, and as of 5 a.m. the next morning, I was still running to the john from the first dose. And I still had one more dose to come. I briefly considered doing a swan dive out the third floor window instead, but then the whole torture of the first half of the prep would have been wasted and I don't know if 3 floors would even be fatal. The second dose made me feel so nauseated that I threw it all up an hour later, and I feared that my whole procedure would be cancelled because I still wasn't entirely, um, "cleansed." I was still using the restroom minutes before the procedure.

What Happens During Your Colonoscopy?

Sedation: You change into a hospital gown (I was allowed to keep my socks and bra on) and they stick you with an IV in your arm or on the back of your hand. Or in my case, they stick you and stick you and stick you and stick you. My veins are shy that way, initially defeating even the most veteran of nurses, but eventually they always manage to get in. At this point, patient accounts vary. Most people get conscious sedation, which is supposed to relax you, ease discomfort, and induce amnesia.  A few people are so resistant to the drugs they remember the whole thing, and some of these people report more than mild discomfort.  Yet I've read that most people don't experience much distress at all. But see the catch here? Personal accounts of an entirely painless procedure are inherently unreliable. Most patients have no clue because they don't remember!  And I suspect there's something of a health industry conspiracy to maintain the illusion that because you don't remember pain, there wasn't any. My first colonoscopy I definitely felt a sharp poke at the first bend and yelped. No memories after that. The second time? The last thing I remember was the request to roll over on my side. So I don't remember them snaking a tube up my colon but I'm confident they did. In fact, procedures were undertaken each time involving hot snares. I can't imagine I enjoyed these, but I was pretty doped up, so it's possible I didn't feel 'em much.  No way to know, right? Which creeps me out more than a little. Another tip:  tell the staff before they sedate you if you've had bad experiences in the past with nausea and vomiting following anesthesia. I have, so they added anti-nausea medication to the IV, and hallelujah, it worked! Not barfy at all afterwards.

After Your Colonoscopy

You have to have someone there to take you home, and don't make any big plans afterwards. My first time we'd scheduled dinner with friends and I was practically face down in my plate of tacos and we had to leave early to get me back to bed. Many people feel only a little groggy and are fairly functional afterwards. I am so NOT one of those people. I become a zombified lump of useless humanity with limited ability to speak or move, though my wife claims I am quite adorable in this state. All I can do is sleep. Possibly this is because the staff know a high-maintenance whiner when they see one coming and they dope me up accordingly. This time I was even more out of it than before, and it became quickly apparent when I tried to leave that I needed a wheelchair to get to the car. Once home, my patient wife got me to bed and I went straight to sleep in my clothes and slept all afternoon. I woke up for a couple hours, ate, and went back to bed and slept like a dead person through the whole night. But the next morning... It was over and I felt great. I was Queen of the World! This is a cool thing about a colonoscopy.  You survive it, and it's like a rite of passage. Even more than that stupid AARP card you get in the mail, your post-colonoscopy status qualifies for full membership in the Sensible and Responsible Middle-Aged Person Club. And let's stop apologizing for that, ok? We Responsible Middle-Aged People rock and we are setting ourselves up to be healthy, vital, and Bad-Ass Old People. We should all have wild tribal post-colonoscopy ceremonies or something a few days after the procedure. What do you say, maybe we do some jello tequila shooters and play our old Rolling Stone albums at full volume and sing and dance and howl at the moon? Well, as long as moonrise is early enough than we can be in bed by nine p.m.

What If They Find Something?

This will be the subject for a future post, since I'm one of those people who Has Things to Find. I'm still awaiting pathology results, but I can say this much: Don't panic! It's the people who have these things and don't know about them who are in trouble, not you. I'm thinking maybe I'll follow up later with a post about polyps, diverticulosis and hemorrhoids since I am lucky enough to host these. I'm sure all you readers can't wait to read about these and all the other fascinating aspects of colon health that we could discuss! Or, um, maybe not. Do you dread your first colonoscopy or have you already survived it? Any other medical procedures or tests that strike fear in your heart? Your First Colonoscopy! What to Expect posted first on http://ift.tt/2kDxLY4

[johnjohnkook]

Don’t Go // MiniCat

WARNINGS: MPREG (IF YOU’RE NOT OKAY WITH IT, DON’T READ.)

***THIS IS ONLY PART ONE. IF YOU LIKE THIS, LET ME KNOW, AND I’LL WRITE A SECOND PART. ENJOY (:

Craig’s head was pounding. 

He can’t even remember anything last night. His vision was blurred and he assumed he was suffering a massive hangover. He searched for his phone, pressing the power button. The screen lit up, blinding his already blurred vision. He figured he should look for his glasses just so his eyes wouldn’t be completely useless. 

He patted the table near him, unintentionally slamming his wrist against the corner of the table. “Fuck,” he breathed, his throat throbbing. A groan erupted from the other side of the room and Craig realized he wasn’t alone. 

Craig also realized that he was naked. Naked and not alone.

He reached for his glasses again, surprisingly finding them and putting them on his face. He rolled over to see none other than his best bud Tyler, naked from the waist up and presumably naked under the sheet covering his waist.

Holy. Fuck.

He furrowed his eyebrows, trying to figure out what happened the night before. His mind raising, Craig glanced back over at the sleeping figure. His arm was thrown over his eyes, his chest rising up and down with his breaths. 

How did he end up in this situation? How did he allow himself to have sex with his best friend? Why doesn’t he remember anything?

Tyler muttered something, causing Craig to look over at him. Tyler hurriedly threw the comforter off of him, got out of bed, and ran out of the room and into his bathroom suite. Craig squeezed his eyes shut, wishing he could just disappear into nothingness.

Once Tyler returned, he had a pair of boxers on. He didn’t seem to notice Craig and once he did, he stopped in his tracks. His eyes were wide.

“Did we--?” he inquired, staring at Craig in utter shock.

“Well, we both woke up naked in the same bed, so I’d assume so,” Craig answered, quickly sucking his bottom lip between his teeth.

“Fuckin’ hell,” Tyler muttered, running a hand through his hair. Craig reached down without exposing his junk to pick up his boxers. He picked them up and looked at Tyler. Tyler sighed, turning around so Craig could get up and put the boxers on. His ass was throbbing. 

After he pulled his boxer briefs up, he told Tyler it was clear and Tyler spun back around. “So what now?” Tyler asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

“I honestly have no fucking clue,” Craig answered, adjusting his glasses on his nose. He limped over to pick up the rest of his clothes and Tyler raised his eyebrows and was secretly glad he wasn’t the one who got a dick up the ass. 

“Are you okay?” Tyler asked because Craig was still his best friend, even if they had sex they don’t even remember having. 

“Yeah,” Craig answered, slipping on his shirt. He realized Tyler was referring to his limping, “The hangover’s bothering me more.”

“I’ve got some painkillers in the kitchen, bud,” Tyler offered, “and some coffee because I know how you like the bean.”

Craig smiled. Maybe last night won’t change them after all.

It’s been about two weeks since that day, and Craig was awoken by the urge to vomit. He ran quickly into the bathroom and let it all out into the toilet. He thought that since it was getting colder, maybe the weather change was giving him a cold. Or maybe sinus drainage was the culprit. 

He quickly brushed his teeth and continued his morning routine since it was eighty thirty anyways, and he needed to hit the gym.

He felt pretty great until the body odor of the workout section of the gym made him feel sick again. He dropped his stuff on a nearby bench and ran towards the nearest bathroom. Craig thought that was unusual because yes, body odor bothered him but never enough to make him nauseous. 

He was also feeling a little dizzy. He shrugged it off, popping a peppermint into his mouth and began his workout, trying to ignore the smells.

Craig was hungry, more so than usual. I mean, Craig eats a lot for someone buff, but nothing seemed to fill him up. On his way back home, he went into the drive-through of a fast food restaurant and ordered as much as he could afford. 

He parked to munch out and he was full until he made it back home. He was afraid. He thought that maybe he was getting a virus or something more than just a cold. He called Tyler, but of course, it went straight to voicemail so he called the next person he could think of.

“Yeah?” Brian’s voice rang through the other line, “What do ya want, Craig-o?”

“Brian, I’m sorry, I didn’t know who else to call,” he laughed nervously, “Um, I need advice.”

“Fire away.”

“So this morning, I had this feeling of nauseous when I woke up, and I’ve puked twice in two hours, and I’m constantly hungry. I’m curious and kind of afraid because I’ve never experienced so many symptoms in a day.”

“You sound like a pregnant lady, dude,” Brian joked, laughing.

“That’s impossible,” Craig replied, even though he knew he was only joking, “I’m serious, Brian, what do I do?”

“Call a doctor,” Brian responded seriously, “Whatever ya have, it sounds bizarre and maybe you can get some prescription.”

“Thanks,” Craig responded, quickly hanging up and searching his contacts for his doctor’s office’s phone number.

A few days later, Craig had an appointment with his doctor Brock--he preferred to be called by his first name. 

“Hey, Craig, what seems to be the problem?” Brock smiled at him, checking Craig’s chart.

“Well, Doctor, I don’t really know how to explain it,” Craig said, biting his lip.

“Do the best you can,” Brock assured, smiling at him.

“I’ve been feeling really nauseous at smells, foods, like I have a weak stomach, which I’ve never had experienced before, and I’ve also been like excessively hungry,” Craig paused, watching Brock type something into his laptop, “and I’ve also felt dizzy after I vomit, and most of the time before I even feel nauseous.” Brock furrowed his eyebrows and continued typing. “At first, I thought I was sick, but now, I don’t know.”

“You’re right, this is very strange,” Brock said,  looking back over at Craig.

Craig only nodded.

Brock furrowed his eyebrows as he read off the laptop screen, “Are you sleeping well at night?” He looked over at Craig again, awaiting an answer.

“No, not recently,” Craig answered softly.

Brock hummed, typing something into his computer.

“Constantly needing to use the bathroom?”

“Yes,” answered Craig.

Brock typed once more into the laptop before standing up from his stool and walking over towards the patient bed where Craig was sitting.

“Do you mind if we take a urine sample from you?” Brock asked professionally slipping on his blue latex gloves.

“Not at all. Whatever will help you figure out what’s wrong,” Craig replied, adjusting his glasses on his nose.

Brock brought two latex-covered fingers to his stomach, pressing gently before taking the stethoscope from around his neck. He pressed the end to Craig’s chest, listening intently. After he finished checking his heart, he checked his blood pressure.

“It’s a little higher than usual,” Brock spoke, furrowing his eyebrows once again before pulling the velcro cuff off his bicep. He handed the patient a urine cup. “Do you need to go?” Brock asked and Craig nodded. 

“Restroom is two doors down on the left. Fill it at least halfway, and bring it back to me in here once you’ve finished,” Brock instructed, smiling at him. Craig nodded obediently before heading out of the room. He returned about two minutes later and handed the doctor.

There was a nurse in the room now. She looked to be about forty. Her blonde-almost gray hair was up in a ponytail and her bluish purple scrubs looked a bit big on her. “Miss Carol, bring this to Vicky, please. Tell her it needs to go to NSLR,” he requested and she nodded. Her latex-covered hands picked up the cup halfway full with urine out of the room. 

Brock pulled off his latex gloves, typing away at his computer again. “Craig, all I can say to do now is to be patient and wait for the results. Try to rest up because hopefully, that should bring the symptoms down. We should have results tomorrow afternoon and if not, Monday morning,” Brock instructed, giving Craig a polite smile.

“Thank you,” Craig told him, hopping off the patient bed and grabbing his jacket.

“It’s my job.” Brock smiled.

It wasn’t until Monday when Craig got the results. Brock had called him himself instead of his receptionist. 

“Hey, Craig.” His tone triggered a nervous tremble out of Craig. “It appears you have a problem. Now, don’t worry, there may have been issues with the lab report, but I think you ought to come down here to hear this for yourself. My last appointment is at four, but I will allow you to come without an appointment under the circumstances.”

Craig was scared now, more scared than he was before. Even Brock didn’t seem to know what exactly is wrong, and he’s a professional. 

At four thirty, Craig left his home and drove the thirteen-minute drive to his medical care center. When he entered the building, the receptionist was on the phone. She looked at Craig and just pointed to the entrance door that led into the doctors’ hallway. Brock wasn’t the alone doctor there, just like Carol wasn’t the only nurse. One day when Brock was under the weather and wasn’t able to work the day Craig had a checkup, a doctor by the name of David Nolan took Brock’s appointments for that day, so no one had to reschedule.

Brock was standing in front of nurse Carol’s desk, seeming to be deeply conversating with her. He noticed Craig, their attention both turning on him.

“Come with me,” Brock instructed gently, walking down a hallway. He led Craig to the unfamiliar room. 

“The reason this was so urgent is because what you have I have never seen before,” Brock explained, hooking up a cord to his laptop. It lit up a small projector hanging from the ceiling. Craig sat in a chair just as uncomfortable as the waiting room ones. “This-This is the organs of a man in the ages between 20-45.” A chart with different organ names popped up. “These are all male organs, of course.” Craig nodded in understanding, scanning through the scientific names, trying to find one that sounded familiar.

“You may know the male anatomy since you are a male, yes?” Brock asked and Craig nodded. “Good because take a look at this.” An image popped up of another chart of simple male organs with their simplified names and Craig knew what almost all of them were male organs, except for two. “Uh, Brock, there are some female reproductive organs in there,” Craig pointed out.

“Yes, I am aware, Craig. This is your chart.”

Craig furrowed his eyebrows. “What?”

“It sounds impossible, and I swore it was, but the results are that you are pregnant.” Brock pulled up the lab report from the urinal test.

Craig felt nauseous again.