#or not! hope you hate it. i hope we both hate it hand in unlovable hand ksjdflksjdfkjsdlfjsdlkj

[cryptiicism]

labru, the winged lion, and ✨ trauma ✨

picking back up from last week's episode of me being cryptic, lets go!!

so, why do i find labru interesting and why does the winged lion matter?

first, let's go WAY back, back to the beginning when kabru was a kid. growing up he was ostracized because of his eye color, and he specifically notes that he must've been a monster.

jumping forward, who loves monsters? who breathes, eats, and thrives off of the knowledge of monsters because it is his second nature? laios touden, a man who would tell you everything there is to know on monsters because he finds them interesting. he loves them.

that, is why labru works so well, because for kabru to love laios... he has to love himself.

but first, he has to go off the deep end because he's kabru and that's what he does. why though? because growing up and being hated for standing out, only to find someone who loves the very thing you see yourself as. something that you have deemed unlovable is revolting, and like the situation you grew up in you choose fear over any attempt to understand.

but that's why kabru is different, because unlike monsters he has the ability to change his nature. so he does, just... not before the winged lion gets his hands on laios.

however before we delve deeper into the dungeon's clutches , let's look at how labru views themselves.

kabru -> " i'm a monster dressed in a persons clothes. "

laios -> " i'm a person dressed in monster clothes. "

obviously, they are both outsiders, just as their fellow party members are so why does it matter?

think back, just as laios loves monsters there is a man who knows people inside and out literally. that is kabru of utaya, who analyzes people like it's a sport going out of style.

that, is why labru again, works so well because like how kabru views himself as a monster to a degree. laios craves to be shed of his skin because his monster clothes fit all alright, but they itch... it's not quite right, because they were given to him just so people could have a reason to say " look it's a monster!! "

but it's just autism , and leading into that ... laios obviously has depression as shown when he gets grabbed by the spirits , having suicidal ideation because he thinks it'd been better if he had died in falin's place . so for kabru to be so fascinated by people , it's like rubbing ointment on laios' itching skin because he feels seen .

he feels like a person when kabru expresses that he finds laios interesting and engages with him , and it helps ease those out of place feelings when they make each other feel seen .

too bad something else sees laios too , and laios stares back into that void because while his itch is temporarily soothed , it comes back .

that's how trauma works , it can be eased but it's still there . like an insatiable hunger , and that's why laios is the subject of the winged lion's interest . Laios' desire is to be that of monstrous nature , as long as his nest is protected and he is full , all is fine .

The lion says as much, however that's just it turning laios' mental health problems into a reality. the desire to be a monster stims from being a outsider as a kid, and plus they're just cool- but it comes from never having a place in society, and detaching hence why laios doesn't care for anyone besides those he dubs as close.

but after the demon is defeated, that's when we really see kabru and laios grow close, because at that point they both realize. They understand and see each other, " I felt like like something I wasn't and I wanted to be loved. " so..

they love monsters, they love humans, and they finally have a home where they are loved back.

@sicklyworm hope you enjoy !!

[rambunctioustoons]

y'know I always interpreted "no children" by the mountain goats as a couple disgustingly in love but with a mutual sense of humor.

I feel that explains a lot of things.

[igarbagecannoteven]

2022 Writing Evaluation

thanks so much @clumsyclifford , @allsassnoclass , & @jbhmalumm for tagging me in this! i'm gonna talk about my fics in all fandoms even tho this is my music blog bc i don't have anything separated into pseuds (i strive for chaos on my ao3 account) putting it under the cut bc i'm sure it's gonna be long lol

number of stories posted on ao3: 25! 18 in 5sos, 4 in hp, and 3 miscellaneous fandoms

word count posted for this year: 40,705

fandoms i wrote for: 5sos, hp, discworld, doctor who, & dungeons and daddies

pairings: lashton (4), cashton (3), muke (2.5) (bc they're background in one), malum (2), cake (2), mashton (1), penelope/percy (1)

story with the most kudos/bookmarks/comments: burnt eggs & broken promises has the most kudos, do you wanna touch (yeah) and permanent jet lag are tied for most bookmarks, and fear the fever has the most comments

work i’m most proud of and why: i'm proud of almost all of the work i put out this year, and there are a couple ones that immediately spring to mind, but i'm going to really come out of left field here and say Being Hannah Abbott! "but megs," you might say, "why on earth would you pick the only fic that has zero kudos? it's definitely not your best written work of the year." to which i say, true! however, i have been trying to get this fic right since 10th grade! i'm now a senior in college! "but megs it's significantly less than 1k how did it take you that long" listen! listen. sometimes. you have to wait until you're good enough to finish a fic. this has more than 5 docs of different drafts saved to my laptop. also you're forgetting the fact that i'm insane

work i’m least proud of and why: okay listen. i know it's my most kudos'd work. i know that. however i am not happy with burnt eggs and broken promises. bella left me a lovely long comment on it recently that made me rethink my feelings towards it but i still think it isn't as good as it could have been so sorry folks

share or describe a favorite review you’ve received: i love it when people tell me i made them cry it's my favorite thing in the whole world best compliment to receive imo

a time when writing was really, really hard: you're assuming i remember what i was experiencing earlier in 2022 which is where you've made your mistake slkdjflskdjf ummmm i remember have a really hard time this fall semester, especially in september/october, i just couldn't get any motivation whatsoever (which tends to be my biggest problem tbh)

a scene or character you wrote who surprised you: goood question,,, you know, i really wasn't expecting to ever write a mcu au and yet pining is a strange sort of mcu au. i originally was going to write it so one half of the pairing got lost at sea and their bf was waiting on shore not sure if they were dead or alive, but the characters did not want to be like that at all which is how i ended up with poor post-snap calum (who may be getting a happy sequel someday shhh)

a favorite excerpt of your writing: i love the transformation scene in fear the fever. i just love writing body horror for some reason and i've always had strong opinions about what i think vampires & their transformations are like physically and it was a blast to get to explore that in this fic :))

how did you grow as a writer this year? i think a lot of my growth happens slowly over time and therefore is hard to pinpoint, but i took a creative writing class in the spring on opening a novel and that helped me rethink the way i start fics now. also i learned to think more about what i want out of my fic! thinking about why i write and why i post fic really helped me realize what fic writing advice to take and what to ignore (if you're like me and the goal of a fic is to write the concept the best you can, than posts talking about how it's okay to post random, unedited snippets are not actually helpful and can actually be counter-intuitive)

how do you hope to grow next year? i really want to write more often and be more disciplined about writing. as always i want to learn how to be better in the craft aspect in general (which is a goal i expect to always have, since i'll never be perfect at it) and i'd also like to be better with subtext & symbolism & ~themes~ bc i always forget to those last two and my subtext is, in my opinion, rather lacking at the moment

who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc)? bella is the best live-in cheerleader/rubber duck a writer could ask for, and i would be royally screwed without her 💙 hazel is always an incredible virtual cheerleader/ideas bouncer and i am dearly in her debt, and meghna is wonderful for fueling my wacky ideas-mobile; i am incredibly lucky that they're just a discord dm away 🥰 also she's 100% not going to see this but my mom finished her mfa program this year and has been working on finishing her novel, and writing with her and talking shop together has been very helpful in keeping me at the keyboard and with more thematically technical details (little does she know it's for my rfp fanfic lol)

anything from real life show up in your writing this year? yep! lots! keep you safe (safe as i can), an hp fic, reflects some of my worries about my little bro growing up; Questions Involving Vampires & Skirts, while not reflective of my own gender, does reflect some of my weird gender-y fuckery; just dance (gonna be okay)'s michael shares my feelings regarding dancing in empty elevators; do you wanna touch (yeah) is inspired by me visiting a craft store with my fam and touching basically everything in the store; permanent jet lag is based off of flying international with my baby bro who is Very Tall; & glasses is based off of my truly awful eyesight and how i still feel like if i have my glasses off people can't perceive me lol (yes you heard it here first folks, megs has the object permanence of a toddler)

any new wisdom you can share with other writers? write! have fun with it! go to irl critique groups if possible! don't expect things to be perfect on the first draft, because most people's first drafts are shit and that's okay! challenge yourself! don't be afraid to embrace the cringe! it's okay to settle unless it's gonna make you miserable! eat your writing frogs! don't be afraid to ask for help! get a rubber duck!

any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year? i really want to finish tis the damn fic. i'd love for it to be ready to post by december. i'm kneeling at my prefrontal cortex begging it to get its shit together enough to finish it. i'd also love to finally finish my another place songfic bc that will mean my writing's reached the level where i can actually figure out how to write the dang thing which is the dream

tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read: idk who all's done it/been tagged so if you've already done it just ignore me! and if you don't want to do it you can also ignore me lol but i'll tag @werewolfashton , @reveriesofawriter , @userbadomens , @calumthoodshands , @pixiegrl , @valiantnerdtm , & anyone else who wants to! (if you've been mainly writing for another fandom you can talk about that one as well/instead, all up to you!)

[craycraybluejay]

Actually I hope bad things happen to you. What the fresh hell. You're so fickle I'll kill you and then myself. You Lead me on then Cut me off. You act so Tough but get so Soft. You act like you're all Mature and Woke. But your bonds are Flimsy and your morals Broke. You don't even know what you Believe. I think you don't even know What You Want from me. You leave and then come back like nothing has changed. You go on a bender and change your mind and your ways. Every time, every text, every day. There's a chance you become someone different and slip away. You told me I don't know you and you're right, I don't. But if asked to let me know you-- you can't, you won't. Years pass and somehow I think you're still having the same arguments with yourself. You won't listen to a word I say, so I cannot help. My feelings don't matter, this useless spilled ink. Because you're less concerned with your wants than what others will think. And you don't know what you want. And I will haunt. And haunt. And haunt you. Until you grow a spine and talk to me.

[professionalwritingnerd]

Me: *types in “(fandom) imagines kidnapped”

What I Want: I wanna see one-shots of a character rescuing the reader or vice versa because I’m a sucker for characters who absolutely obliterate everyone on-sight for their lover

What Tumblr thinks I want: *throwing twelve yandere posts in a row at me* Here have the most toxic bullshit imaginable

[boyfriendyke]

trying to use twine again and im so bad at html esp cuz im using sugarcube when ive only used harlowe. how do i make multiple storymenu passages. dont ask me what a macro is.

[my-jukebox]

The OM brothers with an GN!MC who is clingy and loves to hug them all the time?

Thank you so much for the ask anon!! I hoped I did you justice. Sorry it took so long...

Clingy Reader Imagines

Genre: Imagines, fluff

Characters: (gn! reader), Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, and Belphegor.

Lucifer:

Doesn't mind it but he only completely enjoys it privately because he can give you his full attention.

Your hugs comfort him after a long day of paperwork (and dealing with his brothers and their shenanigans).

Not a big fan of PDA, but he can't really say no to you and therefore, allows you to even sit on his lap while he's working so you don't feel unloved......well unless someone walks in.

He may not reciprocate the hugs in the best way possible but he tries his best to show you that he appreciates you.

Mammon:

The clingiest of the lot.

Will most likely lie that he hates the whole concept of you being clingy, but the blush on his face gives everything away.

Completely MELTS when you hug him tightly.

Claims it makes him feel like he's protecting you.

Gets extremely putty in your hands if you add a kiss on his neck when you're hugging him.

Wants you to be as clingy as possible in public so he can show you off to others as "his".

Will reciprocate your hugs with even warmer hugs so you feel as loved as possible.

Leviathan:

Becomes an adorable mess when you hug him, or even show him slight affection.

His face is reminiscent to that of a tomato.

First time you hugged him, he nearly fainted.

He will let you hug him when he's gaming.

Bonus if you're a gamer. Then he'll make you sit in front of him and hugs you from behind.

If you ask him, he will turn into his demon form so his tail can wrap around you when you're both sleeping.

Gives you all the attention in the world whenever you need.

Extremely jealous when you hug others and may summon Lotan if anyone tried anything funny.

Satan:

Blushes when you hug him and smiles faintly.

Head pats <<33

Isn't sure how to reciprocate your affection so he just sit there for a while before deciding to hug you back.

You make up for the lack of clinginess he possesses.

Unlike Lucifer, he appreciates a moderate amount of PDA and doesn't mind hugging you, or simply holding your hand in front of public eye.

Considering he's the Avatar of Wrath, he's very much calm when you hug others, as long as he knows them.

Asmodeus:

Adores everything about you.

"We can be clingy together" vibes.

The couple that everyone looks at and gets jealous, and he loves every second of that power as long as you're comfortable.

Gives you the best hugs, and loves when you hug him.

If he's having a bad day and you hug him, he'll never let go.

He appreciates this side of you because it allows him to as close to you as possible.

Doesn't mind when you hug others. He knows he'll always be #1 for you.

Beelzebub:

Doesn't mind you being clingy but gets worried when you're not because he's always been exposed to that side of you.

Loves the hugs you give him but he makes sure not to hug you back tightly, given that he doesn't know his own strength.

Rather than hugging you back, he just lifts you up with ease and twirls you around.

He allows you to crash his workout sessions if it means spending time together.

He allows you to sit on his back while he does push-ups and stuff.

If you hug others, he knows it's just your nature and doesn't stop you from doing whatever makes you happy.

Belphegor:

He's not the clingiest so he took some time to get used to it.

When he did get used to it, he got addicted to always having you around him.

If you weren't around him, he'd start hunting for you around RAD, the House of Lamentation, and even go to Purgatory Hall until he found you.

When he does find you, he'll talk about how he had to cross "seven seas" just to get to you, and you'd have to hug him for his efforts.

You're the only one who he trusts enough (second to his brothers) to hug him.

Falls asleep to your cuddles and kisses, and the way you play with his hair.

He LOATHES the fact that others get to hug you and will pull you away from them if he can't handle that anymore.

I'll add this to the Masterlist soon. Might create a side character version too.

Do like, comment and/or reblog if you guys enjoyed!!

[thebrainrotsreal]

Never looking at hands ever again, ugh, fingers should all explode. ANYWAYS: GET REDEEMED LOSER AU! @avisisisis keeps having epic, amazing ideas for my au, SO I FINALLY KNEW WHAT TO DRAW! Basic run down of the AU is this: Evil Mark (Wasp) trying to make Mark worse, while Mark tries making Wasp better. They both think that the other is the weakest version of themselves. They hate each other, they hate themselves, and cain instinct is set on truly homicidal levels of hostility. Everyone looks on in horror, confusion, plenty of concern, and slight, fleeting understanding.

EDIT, bonus song theme because I can: I am drowning. There is no sign of land. You are coming down with me. Hand in unlovable hand. And I hope you die. I hope we both die. (No Children by The Mountain Goats)

[astrronomemes]

ENEMIES & LOVERS : STARTERS

a collection of quotes, phrases, and sayings from various novels, poetry, prose, songs, and internet posts for muses that have a complicated / toxic relationship with another. change & alter as needed.

“You are a fever I am learning to live with.”

“You live inside me the same way I live inside you.”

“I will be the house that holds every part of you.”

“I shouldn’t forgive you, but I always do.”

“You and I both know this ends in blood.”

“I love you so much, I’m going to let you kill me.”

“When you kiss me, I’m happy enough to die.”

“I want to save you. I know you can be saved.”

“If I���ve got to suffer, it may as well be at your hands... your pretty hands.”

“I promise to eat you softly. You won’t notice a thing.”

“All I know is, one of us was supposed to kill the other. Isn’t that what they mean when they say ‘lovers’?”

“I want you so much, but I hate your guts.”

“You’re going to hurt me one way or another. Might as well be with your mouth.”

“If I am to perish by the power of fire, at least let that fire be yours.”

“Whether you come as a lover or an executioner, I am ready to receive you.”

“I want you inside me, and you split me open with a knife.”

“I’ve decided to see your threat against my life as flirting.”

“I hope the fences we mended fall down beneath their own weight.”

“I hope you die. I hope we both die.”

“I hope when you think of me, years down the line, you can’t find one good thing to say.”

“You are coming down with me, hand in unlovable hand.”

“There is something wrong with you. There is something wrong with you that is also wrong with me.”

“I tried to wash you away, but you just won’t leave.”

“I’m begging you to keep on haunting me.”

“I know you’re gonna keep on haunting me.”

“We can’t be anywhere except together.”

“You are the knife I turn inside myself. That is love.”

“Which of us will survive the other?”

“Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”

“All that matters is that you want to hurt me. All that matters is that you want me.”

“If you’re heaven, then tell me. I will kneel to every god. If you’re hell, then tell me. I will fill the earth with sin.”

“How do you tell a girl you want to destroy the world for her?”

“I’ll let you drag me to hell if it means you’ll hold my hand.”

“Every time she knocks, I can’t help but let her in.”

“Six feet of dirt would look great on you.”

“Be honest. Do you ever fantasize about assassinating me?”

“’Til your unsolvable murder do us part.”

“Sorry that I stabbed you. I love you, actually.”

“I think we’re soulmates because of how frequently we destroy each other.”

“I can hurt you from inside.”

“I’m the poison in your bones.”

“My love is your disease, and I won’t let it set you free ’til I break you.”

“Look what you made of me.”

“I have built a you within me, or you have. I wonder what of me lives in you.”

[squirmhoney]

A/N: This is supposed to be a Reader x Obsessive!Alicent and a tiny bit of Obsessive!Aemond but it kind of happened the other way round which I'm sorry for. I had a bit of spare time during uni work and wanted to write this. And I really like it but also do apologise that it wasn't exactly what was wanted. Also I didn't make it specific of whether the reader was Daemon or Laenor's daughter so you can decide that in your heads. Also, Aemond and reader are over 18 after the first __ line. (the first sort of time jump). Hope that makes sense. Vote on my next post. Link here Warnings: Obsessive behaviour. A small bit of smut. Angst. Manipulation. Incest. Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x Niece!Reader Word count: 2.3k

Tears flooded your eyes as you stormed to Aemond's chambers, holding a piece of parchment in your hand. You knocked on the door, trying to keep your composure as you swallowed a sob.

"Come in," Aemond said from behind the door, his Guardsman opening it for you.

At first he didn't look up from his book as he read by the fire place. Then he heard your shaky breath, gazing up towards your figure and immediately he closed his book as he noticed your saddened state.

"Am I so unlovable?" You asked, holding the piece of parchment in your hand. "Why do I spend so much time writing to my family? Only for them to never write back. I've been gone for months Aemond and I've heard nothing from them." You shook the piece of parchment in your hand, tears soaking the paper as you stared at the words. "What have I done? What makes them hate me so?"

Aemond beckoned you over, allowing you to fall head first into his lap. You sobbed into his legs, letting the pain take you as his hand rubbed your back.

"You are not unlovable," Aemond replied, fingers lifting your chin to look up at him. "If that were so, I wouldn't love you. And I do love you." His hands wiped away your tears as he looked down adoringly at your face. "They do not deserve your kindness and your love. Forget them and instead love the family that is around you."

You nodded, moving up to hug Aemond. Your sobs still continued as he consoled you eventually dying out when you had fallen asleep with your head on his lap.

Alicent found you both like this, Aemond reading his book with you passed out beside him. She smiled as she sauntered into the room, finally happy to see the pair of you so close.

She walked round, kneeling beside the pair of you as her hand cupped the side of your face. Your cheeks still puffy and red from the crying but your face seemed at peace finally.

"Don't you think we have taken it too far?" Aemond questioned, frowning slightly at his mother.

"It's better this way," Alicent reassured, playing with your hair gently. "If she can't find love from her family, she will seek it somewhere else."

"But the way she cries..." Aemond bit down on his tongue as he thought back to it, hating the way you sobbed with pure grief. "Is it not cruel."

"You asked me for this," Alicent reminded him with a tight lipped smile. "I am giving you what you want. This way she will never betray us when the time comes. She will always stand by your side once you are married."

A part of her was doing it for Aemond. But she’d be lying if she didn’t want this for herself as well, a piece of her seeing Rhaneyera in you. She wanted to protect you from any harm, you were not like your brothers.

Aemond still seemed unsure, battling with the matters in his head.

"This is your choice then." Alicent handed him a letter, the wax on it recognisable as the ones from Dragon Stone. "You can burn it like we have with the others or you can give it to her. But know that when you give it to her you might have to explain where all the other letters went." His mother gave him a small smile. "And what we did with those letters. I don't know how she would forgive you after that especially it almost being a year since we left Driftmark."

Aemond held the letter in his hand, gripping it tightly as it started to tear.

"I will leave you now." Alicent stood up, leaving the room and Aemond to his thoughts.

He moved your head, gently placing it back down on the pillows next to him as he stood up. He looked at the fireplace, then back at you for a moment.

While you weren't unlovable, Aemond believed himself truly unlovable after losing his eye.

He should be glad to get rid of those people from your life, they were vile people that didn't deserve your affections. Your brothers had taken away a part of him that he could never get back. He should be happy to steal you away from them like they stole his eye.

But as he threw the letter in the fire place and watched it burn into ashes, his real justification for it was that he just couldn't bare to lose you.

"Aemond?"

His head twisted round, eye widening as he looked at you waking up. A fear crept into his bones as he thought you had caught him.

"Why are you standing so close to the fire?" You asked, shifting upwards from your position. You held out your hands towards him, gesturing for him to step forward. "You could hurt yourself standing so close. Come back and read to me, please."

A sigh escaped his lips, relief washing over his body as he made his way back to you.

__

As the years passed, your relationship with Aemond differed. You spent so much time together when he comforted you, that you begun to see him as an older brother rather than an Uncle.

However, Aemond never saw you in the same way. With each year that grew on, Aemond longed to hold you in a way that husband and wife should. But he struggled to make his intentions clear and known, always fumbling on his words when he wanted to make his feelings clear to you.

Of course, once again, he needed help from his mother on this account.

Your hand trembled slightly as you took a sip of your tea, placing it beside you once you were done. You were hoping Alicent hadn't noticed this but she always was perceptive when it came to these things.

"My dear," Alicent said, grabbing your hand between hers. Her eyes looked to yours with gently concern. "Is something wrong?"

"There is something I wanted to ask you," you told her, a wide smile on your face but your stomach was filled with nerves. "I met Lionel Westerling the other day. Well on his visit here we've had a few teas together and he mentioned the possibilities of marriage." You were rambling unsure of what to say. "I am of age to be married and my mother never betrothed me to anyone and well Lionel asked-"

"You are betrothed my dear," Alicent cut your rambling off. Her eyebrows furrowed as if she were confused at how you didn't know, shaking her head with disbelief. "You and Aemond are to be married."

Your eyes widened with shock, face dropping slightly as she crushed the fever dream in your head. "No one ever told me that."

Alicent pretended to be surprised but in reality she never told you and she never really felt the need to tell you. When the time came, you would find happiness in it, she was sure of that. There would no family for you to run to, no where to escape from it.

"You and Aemond are so close. I'm so unsure why he never told you." Alicent stroked your hair, fingers running through the strands. "It would make sense, no? For you to be married. Hasn't he shown you over the years how much he truly cares for you and loves you."

You were speechless for the duration of your tea with Alicent, shock paralysing you to the core. It wasn't until you found Aemond in his chambers that you had the confidence to speak.

"We are to be married," you shouted, throwing yourself in his rooms. There was an anger that boiled in you as you stared at him. "How could you know and never tell me?"

"Isn't this good news?" Aemond asked, standing up from his seat. "I didn't mean to keep this from you for so long but I thought you'd be happy about our betrothal."

"I see you as a brother, Aemond," you argued, moving away from him as he got closer.

"Targaryens marry each other all the time." Aemond said so nonchalantly as if everything was fine.

"That is not the point. I do not see you in that way Aemond. I may never do."

Aemond was taken a back by this, the words striking him in a place he never felt before. The only person he ever loved could never love him back. After the years he had spent consoling you and comforting you. The times he was your only friend in a place you felt you didn't belong. How he finally made you feel like you could call this place home.

He didn't think as he spoke, all he could feel was the venom that ran through his veins at your betrayal.

"What do you think would happen?" He questioned, eye squinting as he glared down at you. His jaw clenched, fists by his side as he laughed menacingly. "Did you think some noble lord would fall in love with you and take you away from here? How can anyone love you when your own family cannot even love you? Did you not think that any man would see all the faults that your family did?"

Tears welled in your eyes as you stared back at him in utter horror. The way he brought up years of insecurities to throw them back in your face after telling you there was nothing wrong with you.

You turned to leave, tears pouring from your eyes as you made your way towards the door.

Except Aemond stopped you, arm wrapping around your body as he pulled you closer. You tried to push him away, punching at him until your arms grew tired and you collapsed into him.

"I love you," Aemond confessed, arms hugging you to his chest. A hand gently cupped your face as he brought your gaze up to his. "No one else could ever love you like me. I'd love all of your scars. Every single part of you. I promise you that and in the end I'd never leave your side."

You cried into his shoulder, believing his words to be true.

__

Aemond never apologised for those words that night but he never brought it up again. You truly believed him, eventually realising that the only person that could love you in such a way was Aemond. You would never find happiness anywhere else but between his arms.

That's where you found your most joyful experiences, lying with your head on his chest as he read to you, drinking tea with Halaena and Alicent while his arm was wrapped around you or even times like these...

You were on Aemonds lap, arms embracing each other as your forehead rested against his. You were bouncing on top of him, a moaning mess as his cock slid in and out of your walls. The way you peppered kisses all over his face, cupping the side of his cheek as your finger grazed over his scar in a loving manner.

"Aemond," you whined, feeling yourself on the precipice as you carried on riding him. "I'm so close."

Aemond could feel you clenching down on him, feeling himself near to his release as your pussy tried to milk him. His hand rested gently against your back, fingers dancing over your skin as he made his way up. He wrapped a hand around the back of your neck, pulling your mouth against his as kissed you feverishly.

With the feel of his tongue swiping across your lips, you were coming undone. Your hands held onto his shoulders for support as you rode out your high, pussy gripping his cock as your orgasm washed over you. He was close after, spilling inside your walls as he thrusted up into you. Both of you gasped and moaned into each others' mouths as you fell apart.

"My love," Aemond whispered, fingers brushing through your hair. "As much as I want to do that again, we are needed downstairs."

"Kiss me one more time," you pleaded breathlessly as your lips hovered over his.

He did, pulling you in for a soft kiss as he flipped positions with you onto the bed. His cock still buried with in you as you squeezed your pussy around him. He groaned, withdrawing from you as he tutted.

"That's not fair," he scolded you, shaking his head.

He pulled out from you and you whined at the emptiness, the cum dripping out onto your thighs. He pushed himself off of the bed, moving to get changed as he searched around for his clothes.

"I don't want to leave these chambers," you told him, lifting yourself up as you walked over to him. He picked up your robe, helping you into it as he tied it in place. "I want to stay here with you forever." Your hands wrapped around his shoulders, lips kissing his chin as you tried to convince him to stay.

Those are words he never believed he would hear leave your lips.

He grinned as he looked down at you, pressing a soft kiss to your head as he pulled you into him. "We'll have plenty of time when the next few days are over. I promise I will make it up to you but for now I will bring the servants in to dress you and I will meet you downstairs in no less than an hour."

You leaned back slightly, nodding in agreement before you pressed a kiss to his lips.

Aemond wished both of you could stay in these chambers forever.

_

Things had changed since you last seen your mother and siblings, you had definitely changed.

Her sweet innocent daughter, the one filled with only love and joy was now holding hands with her younger brother. The sadness that filled Rhaneyera's bones as you sauntered straight past her as you stood by your husband, wrapping yourself in his embrace.

You hadn't even glanced at your brothers or her as if they were nothing to you as you found your way to her siblings.

"Mother," you said, bowing at Alicent before placing a peck on her cheek. The way you smiled at her as you once smiled at Rhaneyera.

There was nothing she could do as the meeting went on, everyone standing in there places. All she could do was watch in utter disbelief, her only daughter was now in the hands of her enemies.

Only if Rhaneyera knew of how her own daughter thought she hated her. How really you wished to be held in your mothers arms. But instead you distanced yourself, thinking she didn’t love or care for you.

Tag List: (Tag list open here) @ophelialaufey @cl-0-vr @julianaaleticia @azzir11 @auratiqs @targaryenmoony  @brb-readingurfic @aegonsgf @poppyflower-22 @ietss @lilostif16 @candypurplebutterfly @mandiiblanche @much-adoo-about-smut @valsandoval @jamespotterismydaddy @floswife @yearninginpages @dragonslutsblog @coriellesmarya @schniiipsel @esmeralda-tupi @alexxavicry @itsapurrfectstorm @singular-itae @f4ll-for-you @jallen0126 @piceous21 @witchy-jadda @hb8301 @ebaylee422 @sallyscigarettes @clairacassidy @sachafirebringer @tssf-imagines @aleemendoza2425-blog @savagemickey03 @readsalot73 @midnightrqin @spinachtz @watercolorskyy @magnificantmermaid @janelongxox @multitargaryen @eddiepicker @sahanna @smayhem @bebeos @joliettes @okfashionista @avidreader73 @Jimins15thhair

I have just hit over maximum on my tag lists. So sorry but for now my tag list is closed. The people at the bottom in bold as soon as a space becomes available you will take priority. Unfortunately, I didn’t realise how many people you could tag and left it open for a while. Please I do apologise for this.

[furiousgoldfish]

When abused children get bullied at school it sends a slightly different message to them.

Bullying in general, can be terrifying because of the violence, destruction, toxic social hierarchy that is imposed on the bullied child, the humiliation and the social abuse can be traumatic and scarring, and there's a lack of protection, social isolation and knowledge that even in the public setting, you can be hurt and others will do nothing to help you, nobody will stand up for you. That is, ultimately, rejection from your entire social circle; you're unwanted among your peers, they don't find you worthy of saving, or physical safety. It makes you distrust the society, and the good in people.

But abused kids also get this at home, so it's nothing new; for those abused extensively at home, bullying can even seem like not such a big deal. It was like that for me. When life at home would be a constant death threat, few kids at school destroying my things and mocking me in public seemed like a minor inconvenience. Nothing short of life-threatening violence would even upset me, and the kids at my high school weren't looking to go that far.

Looking back though, I understand that it did more than upset me, it let me know that I'm unwanted everywhere. For those abused in their homes, the only hope is the escape in the outside world, where we could dream, that someone would care enough to make sure we're safe, that the don't die from lack of resources, that we could possibly be loved and protected. But bullying puts an end to that hope before we can even start. It tells us, no, public is just the same as home. There's nothing for you anywhere, we don't want you either. It's going to be the same for you everywhere. It's because you're different and weird and unlovable that this is happening to you; you can see it's not happening to other people, so it must be your fault directly that everyone hates you.

I haven't realized for a long time, how far it reinforced the message of the abusive parents, that I deserve this. That in my case, it was normal, and that I'm ultimately unlovable and nobody could possibly want or protect me. 'Something is wrong with you so we're going to hurt you' is the mantra both of the bullies, and the abusive parents. It goes hand in hand. And having no space where I could relax or feel like I'm not going to get hurt, made the world a worse place for me to live in. Regardless of whether I fought back or not, it didn't change the fact that I was surrounded with people who wished to hurt me, and would take any chance to do so. It made me feel that there is no escape. I was just too weird and something was deeply wrong with me, and everyone could see it and agree upon it.

Except it's not true. Nothing was wrong with me, I was only unprotected. I would have been just fine left alone. Nothing I did was any incentive for any of these people to do harm to me. It was their choice to do so, to make the world less safe for those who don't have anyone standing in their corner, and nowhere to turn to.

What society tells us about us sticks with us for a long time. A message repeated long enough, from enough sources, will end up etched in our brain, without us having the ability to scrub it off. We're sensitive to how we're being perceived, and out perception is affected by what other tell us about us. So when people tell us the worst possible things, no matter how untrue, they stick. We can't know immediately, that they're saying it only to excuse and rationalize their own gross actions. We can't know that they need to say it, in order to frame their crimes against us as just and normal, when they're anything but. It takes intense and conscious training to link people's spoken opinions of us, to what they're intending to do to us. It takes a lot to realize that when they're talking with hatred in their voice about us, they're doing so only in order to create a fake scenario in which they are allowed to hurt us. They don't know or perceive us at all, they only perceive a situation where they can get away with causing harm. Our only crime is existing, unprotected.

[starofhisheart]

This scene in s2 w Ed and Frenchie

Parallels with this scene w Ed and Izzy from s1

(Had to snip a part out so it would fit but at first Izzy denies and then he actually tries, albeit begrudgingly.)

I always thought the scene with Izzy was showing how disconnected the pair are and while I still think that, the s2 scene shines new light on that original interaction. Where Izzy is trying to understand his boss, Frenchie doesnt even try and only denies. This is understandable ofc with everything Ed has put him and his friends through but its just interesting how they chose to parallel the scenes. Here, Frenchie has just become first mate and its almost like Ed hopes he'll be a sort of Izzy stand-in or at least falls back on his usual rapport with his first mate. But Frenchie is not Izzy. And this parallel highlights that.

I've had theories about how Ed sees Izzy and s2 has given us so much food for thought. When Izzy directly asks him "Who am I to you?" Ed softly says "what", like he's not even sure himself. The look on his face is blank but almost imploring and unsure. Izzy is just...Izzy. Friend? Lover? Thats too complicated and yet not as complicated as their relationship with each other. Izzy has clearly thought about it but has Ed? They've been together for so long ("I've been cleaning up your messes my whole fucking life.") without communicating their feelings. Bc thats what pirates do right? They dont have time for soft things like feelings.

But then Ed goes off and finds a new lover unlike any of his others and Izzy panics. Stede is a threat to their way of life, unsafe-at least thats how Izzy sees it-and then its over and Ed is breaking, depressed and then pretending to be ok

TW: suicide discussion

-and to speak on that specific point some more, I subscribe to the belief that post Lucius-talk-Ed where he's planning music shows, etc is not him coping healthily. We see this paralleled in s2 where after Izzy is "dead" Ed puts his hair up, starts cleaning and seems "chipper". But then we know he's planning to kill himself and everyone on board that same day. So this whole charade feels...macabre. He's getting his affairs in order in preparation for the big deed. Depression CAN look like this too.

When Izzy confesses he has love for Ed he says it haltingly, like its hard to even get the words out, like he's never said anything like this before (and he probably hasn't). And the words he chooses too. Instead of "I love you" he says "I have love for you". Its like he's saying after everything, all the pain and heartache, I still have love for you. But Ed refuses to, can't hear what Izzy is saying, and dismisses his confession. Perhaps he thinks this is a ploy too. After all he's unlovable right?

But we know from later scenes that Ed does love Izzy

in his own way. Some may interpret this line as platonic, some romantic-but I think it's more complicated than that. Again, Izzy and Ed have been together for so long the lines have blurred. They love each other like a brother. They're partners. They hate each other. They're an extension of each other. They're coworkers. Boss and right hand man. They can't imagine being without the other.

Well, whatever they feel for each other its capital C complicated that's for sure.

I have so many thoughts about ✨️them✨️ but I'll leave it here for now. No hate in the comments pls. Both men are my lil meows meows and have done nothing (and everything) wrong. Love those gay dudes fr.

[moondarina]

hand in unlovable hand,

a soukoku playlist

╰┈➤ + some lyrics that remind me of them

I'm your man - Mitski

"You're an angel, I'm a dog

Or you're a dog and I'm your man

You believe me like a God

I destroy you like I am"

Cold Love - Rainbow Kitten Surprise

"It's second nature to love you, it's first to die

And we were killed upon waking, killed upon waking to the life

We weren't prepared to live but rebelled to realize

We were killed upon the pavement, Bonnie we're immortalized in"

If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet? - Mayday Parade

"When you hear this chorus

Do you miss the way the world was spinning for us?

Do you hurt the way that I do?

After all this time you leave me broken

This song is every word I left unspoken

When you hear this, girl, I'm hoping that you think of us

That you think of us"

Every You Every Me - Placebo

"Like the naked leads the blind

I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind

Sucker love I always find

Someone to bruise and leave behind

All alone in space and time

There's nothing here but what here's mine

Something borrowed, something blue

Every me and every you"

Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want - Deftones

"Haven't had a dream in a long time

See, the life I've had

Can make a good man bad

So for once in my life

Let me get what I want

Lord knows, it would be the first time"

Out Of The Black - Royal Blood

"You made a fool out of me

And took the skin off my back running

So don't breathe when I talk

'Cause you haven't been spoken to

I got a gun for my mouth

And a bullet with your name on it

But a trigger for a heart

Bleeding blood from an empty pocket"

Black Sheep - Metric

"Hello again, friend of a friend, I knew you when

Our common goal was waiting for the world to end

Now that the truth is just a rule that you can bend

You crack the whip, shape-shift and trick the past again"

The Chain - Fleetwood Mac

"And if you don't love me now

You will never love me again

I can still hear you saying

You would never break the chain"

Francesa - Hozier

"My life was a storm, since I was born

How could I fear any hurricane?

If someone asked me at the end

I'll tell them put me back in it

Darling, I would do it again, ah, ah

If I could hold you for a minute

Darling, I'd go through it again,"

Kiss With a Fist - Florence + The Machine

"I broke your jaw once before

I spilled your blood upon the floor

You broke my leg in return

So sit back and watch the bed burn

Love sticks, sweat drips

Break the lock if it don't fit"

Tongues & Teeth - The Crane Wives

"I've grown a mouth so sharp and cruel

It's all that I can give to you, my dear

And when you come in quick to steal a kiss

My teeth will only cut your lips, my dear"

Night Shift - Lucy Dacus

"Am I a masochist, resisting urges to punch you in the teeth

Call you a bitch and leave?

Why did I come here? To sit and watch you stare at your feet?

What was the plan? Absolve your guilt and shake hands?

I feel no need to forgive but I might as well

But let me kiss your lips so I know how it felt

Pay for my coffee and leave before the sun goes down

Walk for hours in the dark feeling all hell"

Decode - Paramore

"The truth is hiding in your eyes

And it's hanging on your tongue

Just boiling in my blood

But you think that I can't see

What kind of man that you are

If you're a man at all

Well, I will figure this one out on my own"

Landfill - Daughter

"Well this is torturous

Electricity between both of us

And this is dangerous

'Cause I want you so much

But I hate your guts"

Romantic Homicide - d4vd

"In the back of my mind

You died

And I didn't even cry

No, not a single tear

And I'm sick of waiting patiently for someone that won't even arrive"

You Get Me So High - The Neighbourhood

"If you can just let me know if it's okay

To call you when I'm lonely"

Snap Out Of It - Arctic Monkeys

"Forever isn't for everyone

Is forever for you?"

The Other Side of Paradise - Glass Animals

"Bye bye baby blue

I wish you could see the wicked truth

Caught up in a rush, it's killing you

Screaming at the sun, you blow into

Curled up in a grip when we were us

Fingers in a fist like you might run

I settle for a ghost I never knew

Superparadise I held on to

But I settle for a ghost"

$TING - The Neighbourhood

"If you were human

If you were who I assumed you were

You wouldn't have done this"

Eventually - Tame Impala

"Wish I could turn you back into a stranger

'Cause if I was never in your life

You wouldn't have to change it"

Do Me a Favour - Arctic Monkeys

"It's the beginning of the end

The car went up the hill and disappeared around the bend

Ask anyone, they'll tell you

That it's these times that it tends

To start to break in half, to start to fall apart

Hold on to your heart"

505 - Arctic Monkeys

"But I crumble completely when you cry

It seems like once again you've had to greet me with goodbye

I'm always just about to go and spoil the surprise

Take my hands off of your eyes too soon"

I Only Lie When I Love You - Royal Blood

"I only lie when I love you

I only crawl when I hit the ground

You only cry when I love you

I only lie when I make a sound"

Vampire Empire - Big Thief

"Well, I walked into your dagger for the last time

It's like trying to start a fire with matches in the snow

Where you can't seem to hold me, can't seem to let me go

So I can't find surrender and I can't keep control"

Neon Roses - The Technicolors

"But I still can't find a malice

It's a thrill slow shot reaction

But I never knew you at all"

Vampire - Olivia Rodrigo

"I've made some real big mistakes

But you make the worst one look fine

I should've known it was strange

You only come out at night

I used to think I was smart

But you've made me look so naive

The way you sold me for parts

As you sunk your teeth into me,"

Youngblood - 5 Seconds of Summer

"You push and you push and I'm pulling away

Pulling away from you

I give and I give and I give and you take

Give and you take"

Do I Wanna Know - Arctic Monkeys

"Crawling back to you

Ever thought of calling when you've had a few?

'Cause I always do

Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new"

[wheels-of-despair]

Worth It: The Honeymoon - Ready When You Are

A Worth It Blurb Series | Ralph Penbury x You | Series Masterlist

"What was your nanny like?"

Ralph opens his eyes to see the rain still pouring down the library windows. You'd been lying on your favorite sofa by the fire, enjoying another rainy day of doing nothing together. Ralph's head rested on your stomach, and your hand stroked his hair absentmindedly. Your loving touch had nearly lulled him to sleep, but your unexpected question brought him back to reality.

"I had two."

"Goodness, were you that much of a handful?" you tease. He nips at your belly playfully, and you respond with an adorable squeak.

"Not at the same time."

You wait patiently for more of his story, hand still smoothing his hair. Ralph closes his eyes and feels the memories flooding back.

"Emily was the first. She was there from the time I remember 'til I was about 9. She was the one who read me fairy tales. Then she left to get married and have children of her own. I, of course, saw this as the ultimate betrayal. I thought she didn't love me anymore. Victoria and her nanny may have encouraged this theory. But Emily was my first love, and my first heartbreak. I wanted to marry her."

"Aww," you cooed, scratching his scalp affectionately.

"When she left," Ralph continued, "Mother and Father decided I didn't need my own nanny anymore, so Victoria's took care of us both. But Agatha didn't like boys. Said we were all naughty and dirty. Spent half of my tenth year standing in the corner while she and Victoria played dress-up and had tea parties. She hated me, and I hated her back. I was thrilled when she got caught stealing and Mother fired her."

A moment of heavy silence follows Ralph's story, and he realizes the hand that's been petting his hair has stilled. Before his panic can fully set in and send him spiraling, you resume your stroking.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that, love," you tell him softly. "I'm sorry Emily left you, and I'm sorry Agatha was awful. I can't believe anyone could treat a child like that, especially one as sweet as you."

Ralph feels himself relax after your soothing words, but the mere thought of that old hag has sent his stomach churning. "What was yours like?" he asks, hoping for a happier story.

"Anne. I adored her," you began fondly. "And then Mother and I had a fight, and I told her that I wished Anne was my real mother. I was sent to bed without supper, Anne was dismissed. She was packed and gone before I woke up the next morning. I never even got to say goodbye. I never forgave Mother for that. Or stopped feeling guilty about getting Anne sacked."

"That wasn't your fault," Ralph says quietly.

"Neither was Agatha."

Another moment of silence follows.

"What if our children like their nannies more than us?" he asks. Why must there always be something new to worry about?

"Then we won't have one," you say simply.

"We won't?"

"Surely the pair of us can raise one child without a nanny."

"Where would we even start?"

"Well…" you chuckle nervously. "Perhaps we could hire a helper? At least for the first one. Just until we figure out what we're doing. To be on the safe side."

"The first one?" Ralph smiles into your stomach.

"Yes, the first one."

"Of how many?"

"How many do you want? And don't you dare say one hundred!"

Ralph laughs, and is promptly swept away by the memory of one hundred kisses that led to a proposal on a secret bench in the park. That was the day you promised to be his forever. He'd replayed it in his mind a thousand times since, and it never got old.

"I want however many you're willing to give me," he says earnestly.

"How about we start with one and see how it goes?"

Ralph can hear the smile in your voice, and it makes his heart swell. Ralph Penbury - Victoria's annoying and unlovable romantic failure of a brother - is really going to start a family of his own, with the woman of his dreams. A person who vowed to stand by his side through thick and thin, and always love him for who he is, no matter what. A person who chose him, of all people, to share a life with. To create new lives with, and love them too. He really is the luckiest man in the world.

"Ready when you are, Mrs. Penbury."

[hyenahunt]

Saga: Rivals - 20

Writer: Akira

Season: Winter

Characters: Jun, Hokuto

Proofreading: 310mc (JP) & hyenahunt (ENG)

Translation: kotofucius

Jun: My question hit a nerve and they exploded on me, just that once. And that was it. Everything was over.

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Location: Sleeping Room

Jun: …Ah. Sorry, that was outta line. Please forget what I just said — That was such a pathetic thing to say.

I’m sure you've got your own hardships too, in having such a famous dad.

Hokuto: …I don’t… really have them.

In that sense, I think, Father and Mother both carried out their role as parents well. I grew up without any unfulfilled needs.

The other children always said with envy, “You have it so nice, Hokuto-kun.”

And as a little child, I liked being told that. My parents were my pride. I wonder when that changed…

I think I simply asked for too much.

I had a luxurious, big home. Delectables to fill my stomach. A comfortable life without shortages in anything.

Dressed in beautiful garments, I spent my childhood in the most ideal environment one could possibly ask for. I was raised with a lot of care and attention… A thoroughbred with pedigree.

Jun: ……

Hokuto: My parents were rarely home due to work, but that’s it…

They’d still do their best to find time, find a break in between their tightly-packed schedule, to see me.

And whenever we saw each other, whenever they were home, they were kind. They showered me with love.

I was much better off than Akehoshi, or the many unfortunate children you’d find across the world…

They didn’t throw me away. They didn’t die and leave me. They cherished me like their own treasure.

They told me over and over that I’m their most precious treasure in the world, that they love me, and they would hold me in their arms.

I was thankful for being born, and for being born as their son… I could think that way, back then.

Hokuto: Yet, no matter how everyone else envied me, and even if I wanted to show off how great my parents were…

Whenever I needed them, my parents were more often absent than not.

That’s just the way it is.

They have thousands of fans waiting for them across the world. I couldn’t just ask them to ruin the hopes of those fans just to come to school for me on parent visitation days.

I held my tongue, and tried to be an obedient son. If I didn’t, they’d surely hate me…

The greater celebrities my parents became, the more often this happened. Even pointing at a TV screen to brag and say “that's my mom and dad!” felt empty.

There was a distance forming between us, and I felt it grow larger and larger with every passing year. And now, here we are.

Before I knew it, they were no longer my parents, but just the people I'd see on the TV.

After all this time, I don’t know how to treat them anymore. Don’t you think it’s such a luxurious issue, Sazanami?

Everyone keeps saying I’m just in my rebellious phase, and that deep down I still love them even if I'm not upfront about it.

But, really, I don’t know anymore. When I was little, they were everything in the world to me, and I loved them. But now… I no longer know how I feel about them.

Jun: ……

…In the end, I really do still envy you, Hokuto-san.

Hokuto: Do you? Of course, that would make sense… It's not like I was abused or unloved.

I simply just didn’t get to be held all the time.

Jun: That so, huh? It was the opposite problem for me — The amount of attention I had was enough to get on my nerves.

Unlike your parents, my damn old man must’ve had so much time on his hands~

By the way, Hokuto-san — Have your parents ever told you to “become just like them”?

Hokuto: No… They paved the way for me, but let me choose which path to take.

Actually, Father and Mother had contrasting opinions for once over that.

Father implied that following in their footsteps would make my life easier.

But Mother complained that it wouldn’t be fun, that she’d rather I become not just an idol or an actor, but a presence that surpasses anything she could imagine.

Not to mention that choosing between those paths feels like I'm choosing between either one of my parents and casting aside the other… I'd feel guilty about it.

Despite everything, I had no intention to make my parents sad.

So in the end, I've tried to choose both. I thought I could shorten the distance between us if I could stand on the same stages as they do.

Isn’t that silly? I was like a foolish child who got lonely so easily.

Jun: Haha. You must’ve loved 'em to bits~ Gotta admit, I’m the same in that respect.

I’m starting to think that besides our dads being an idols, we do have some things in common~

My mother was just an average person, and a big fan of the old man.

When he retired and lost the attention of the public… She resolved to be the one person who'd stay by his side, so they got married.

As she raised me, she always told me to become someone like my father.

She rejoiced every time she looked at me and saw that I was becoming more like him by the day.

In this sense, I think I was much happier off than you, Hokuto-san.

My parents were all over me and meddled with my life, day and night. Only, I never had any choice in it. I was intended to become like my dad from the very start.

Jun: But y'know, when I was old enough to make my own judgement… I had no doubt I wanted to become an idol by then — I happily did my own research, and talked with people who shared the same dream.

That's when I finally found out that my old man was nowhere as admirable nor grand an idol as I'd believed.

This has to be a lie, I thought, so I asked my parents about it.

It was just an innocent question, yeah? All I wanted for them was to deny it… but instead, they flew into a rage.

They were always a gentle pair at heart, but their guilt from lying to me must have been weighing on them for all that time, even if they didn’t realize it —

My question hit a nerve and they exploded on me, just that once. And that was it. Everything was over.

Jun: My entire world shattered. Man, it was like I'd been under a wicked demon's spell the whole time…

I'd gotten all excited thinking I was surrounded by treasure and riches, and then I blinked only to find myself sitting on a pile of mud and horse shit.

The gilded coating of lies had been stripped away in an instant…

My old man just kept babbling on and on, and honestly, it was starting to creep me out. I couldn't even tell if the stuff he was spewing was true or just his crazy delusions…

My mother had tried her best to believe those lies the whole time, but she knew too much of the truth to be convinced…

She wound up emotionally unstable and constantly broke down in tears.

And if this path could make someone cry, there's no way it could've been right.

Jun: I loved my parents just like any other kids out there when I was little, y’know. But those same two people I loved so much cried before me and told me through tears how sorry they were.

So what the hell was I supposed to do? I couldn't start my life over from scratch, and this was the one and only path I had to walk on!

Jun: They taught me nothing else, so I had no choice but to imitate my dad and follow in his footsteps!

But the idol industry has become a complicated mess, and if my old man’s methods didn’t work even back during his time, how would they ever work now, right?

So of course, I ended up at the bottom of the barrel, managing to survive only by scavenging for scraps ‘til Ohii-san discovered me.

Seeing the state of me, the old man could only despair at how his past was repeating, and the old lady grieved how that which she loved had been denied by the world… and how they had only been fake all along.

I felt worthless, frustrated, pathetic — It was truly a living hell. That’s why to someone like me, you’re everything to be envied.

But y'know, I think we’ll always find something to complain about, be it in hell or paradise.

So we have no choice but to strive to live, wherever we are.

Jun: Hokuto-san, I’ve already long made up my mind.

Everything could've happened by chance, for all I care. This thread of spider silk I'm climbing up could just be something the Buddha decided to dangle on a whim.

If it was just a coincidence, then so what? — I'm never letting it go, not even for a moment. I’m gonna take it and climb all the way up…

I'm a lot happier off already, compared to back when I was a powerless brat.

But even so, I’ll keep climbing higher! I’ll go on to even greater heights!

And when I finally reach heaven itself, I’m gonna find that asshole of a God who’s been playing us in the palm of his hand and kick his damn ass! GODDAMN!

Jun: As for you, are you still gonna hold back and drag your feet? Even though your father — your own infuriating God — stands right in front of you?

You’ve got the chance to prevail over him and put him on all fours, so what're you waiting for?

Gonna hold your tongue like a good lil' kid again, are ya? Then you disappoint me, Trickstar!

I know you've got what it takes — you made that clear at SS, so show it to me once more!

Hokuto: …!

Jun: Today will be the day that I kick down Sagami Jin, the man my father couldn’t defeat, and take a step forward!

Perhaps the wall you need to overcome might be much taller and tougher than mine…

But y'know, didn’t you already make a miracle happen once before?

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[woodruff]

i hate you thread tension i hate you bobbin i hate you spool hand in unlovable hand and i hope you die i hope we both die