#or only talking abt myself bc i have no experience with talking 2 other ppl

[doodlboy]

Hey question 4 autistic/adhd/ppl who didn't socialize much as a child, do y'all have ppl say shit like "can't you talk about anything besides yourself?"/"you're really selfish/self centered" to you??

[puppyeared]

who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it

[bo0zey]

Did I miss "back from the war" recreation or is that not happening

OK so i've been meaning to address this for a while because it’s actually something i've been genuinely annoyed/sad/upset about; my original plan to recreate the post was to go to riot fest & have someone take pics of me during MCR live in person (caption wouldve been something like ‘when will mcr--omg they;re Back from the Warfdskns’ lol idk). i ended up 2nd row from the barrier & i was like OMG bc i didn’t expect to get so close & i was like ‘WOW these r gonna b such GR8 PICTURES!!i;m so lucky!!this is gENIUS!’ & so my plan was literally going according to/even better than planned right?? i mean the fact that i was ~a few feet away from the stage n was ~1.5hrs away from seeing mcr LIVE??? my plan was going along SUSPICIOUSLY well..everything was falling into place TOO perfectly...it was almost to good to be true right??? IT WAS. everything went to shit & my plan fell thru during the last band before MCR when my body suddenly fell victim to the effects of being crowd crushed for >7 hours straight; i experienced syncope & was pulled over the barrier & out of the pit by security.

sooooo, you didn’t ‘miss’ anything; the post was supposed to be recreated at the concert, but the universe pulled an uno-reverse on me when it remembered i’m on the universal ‘Do Not Ever Allow to Be Truly Happy’ list lol. i meant to post an update abt my failed plan afterwards, but tbh the actual event in itself made me wanna fr kms, and i felt even guiltier/worse for being unable to fulfill my promise to u all bc i fr planned on recreating it at the concert. 'ok but u were still at the concert after u got pulled out’ ok physically yes but mentally N-Ooo. due to the hypoxia (lack of blood blow/oxygen to the brain) i’d obtained secondary to being crowd crushed PLUS the psychological trauma of being removed against my living breathing dying will from the pit (btw the psychological trauma has nothing to do with being crowd-crushed but im not gonna get into that turmoil rn lol), i was stuck in an altered mental state for the remainder of the concert. i was dissociated for mcr’s entire set until i woke up the next morning & it took ~3-4 days for my body to fully recover from the physical trauma of being crowd crushed.

i still plan on recreating the post eventually, but tbh it’s not rlly my top priority atm bc 1) i still can’t come to terms w/ the fact i lost my 1 n only chance to experience MCR live & 2) imo seeing MCR live was the perfect opportunity to recreate the post & that clearly didn’t work out for me sooo now i have no idea how else i can top that idea :( .

[rollercoasterwords]

(this is from marxismlupinism btw just sending an anon cause still shadowbanned + dont want my r/s blog tied to my main blog anyway)

lmao if only my followers were your followers literally idk why my anons r so mad im just stating the established party line of the blog they chose to follow...

literally every online community ive been in youve been able to say you think the community has XYZ problem and people could discuss the problem and suggest solutions honestly baffling that peoples response to someone saying the hp fandom is transphobic is to go "no it's not" instead of, idk, either trying to make it less transphobic if you think it's salvageable or leaving it if you think it's unsalvageable. the only communities ik that would respond to an accusation of transphobia w denial rather than taking trans people's concerns seriously are, well, actually overtly explicitly transphobic communities lol... and the people claiming they "engage critically" are very clearly not if their response to criticism of the hp fandom is to be defensive—if you engage critically with something that means taking seriously good faith criticism of the thing you engage critically with. like i "engaged critically" w hp/rs for the past 2.5 years and i have never ever gotten defensive at someone criticising hp or its fandom (esp since like... almost all the people criticising hp or its fandom are trans and im not gonna go harass another trans person for being understandably upset at ppl engaging w transphobic media lol).

hp fans (including tme trans hp fans—and, btw, we're well aware there are some transmasculine hp fans, the rest of the trans community just think they suck and are losers lol and i can't imagine that the transmasc hp fans aren't aware of this fact unless they just dont interact w other trans people outside the hp fandom at all) will criticise hp and jkr while believing that the hp fandom itself is above criticism. this does the dual work of distancing themselves from harry potter/jkr, which even they cannot defend/pretend is not bad, while also absolving themselves of all responsibility for any transphobia & transmisogyny they perpetuate or engage in. it's honestly a deeply immature way of engaging with media as well as one that logically falls apart under any scrutiny—firstly, if you accept that hp and its author are deeply bigoted, isn't it just logical that its fanbase would share the politics of the source media? secondly, this is just empirically false lol. there didnt always used to be basically no trans women in the hp fandom—i myself used to be friends with several back in the old days—but most transfems left the fandom in 2020–2021 bc of jkr's increasing transmisogyny. and speak to any of the transfems who did leave at that time and they can tell you their firsthand experiences. like, i really dunno how you can claim the hp fandom isnt transmisogynistic without just outright saying that you think most trans women are crazy and making shit up when they say they dont want anything to do with hp or its fans.

anyway ill stop writing essays in ur inbox now rae xoxo love ya have a nice day!

hi laura <3 yeah truly i think it is so weird that someone would choose 2 follow a blog on tumblr.com which clearly states "i don't like hp/hp fandom" and then get mad when that blog makes a post saying. "i don't like hp/hp fandom." babe why r u at the criticizing hp fandom store if u don't want hp fandom criticism....

and yeah i've talked before on my blog abt how like. i do not think we can "separate" fandom from jkr + the inherent shittiness of hp + my personal stance is that i think if u are engaging with hp fandom in 2023 u should at least be prepared to acknowledge + address the fact that u are engaging w a fundamentally conservative piece of media that is rooted in horrible politics, bc if u don't fully understand how jkr's politics are steeped throughout the franchise then it is much more likely that u will just be. absorbing + perpetuating them.

i think something that gets left out of a lot of conversations abt jkr even when discussing how shitty she is within hp fandom is the fact that like. yeah she's broadly transphobic, but she is specifically transmisogynistic, and the politics + policies she endorses are most targeted + harmful towards trans women. in my personal experience thus far in hp fandom i've encountered a lot of tme trans people, and i think there can be this tendency to go "well i'm trans and i know so many trans people who have carved out a space in this fandom that is super affirming + positive for ourselves, so obviously there is no transphobia here" and like. bc of the strong emotional connection to what people view as a safe queer space it can feel like an attack or whatever when someone goes "ok but. have u considered transmisogyny." or just whenever someone is like. rude/mean/cunty in their criticism of hp--but like. tbh as tme trans people i just think it's more important to recognize that many other trans people (and especially tma trans people) have a reason for being rude/mean/cunty in their criticism of hp and even if it hurts ur feelings it's more important to actually think about where that critique is coming from then to get upset bc u feel like it wasn't phrased nicely. at the end of the day just bc a space feels safe 2 u does not mean it is going 2 feel safe 2 everyone!!

[boy-above]

tagged by @vespertin-y to share three random facts abt myself sooo

1.) i have a big phobia of lakes or just dirty water in general, and submechanophobia, i can't stand looking at like cars submerged in water. i don't seem to have the same fear of the ocean, for example i would never swim in a lake and i'd probs have a panic attack if i fell in one, but i went to the beach for the first time in my life a couple years ago and i got in the ocean just fine. i didn't go very far out bc i was afraid i'd get pulled in, im very small you see and i can't really swim, but i enjoyed it and my friend got seaweed for me to touch ajdjf. despite not being afraid of seawater i do Not like boats and wouldn't get on one on the sea or in a lake. i'd probs feel Better about being on a boat in the sea but the feeling of being in a boat in general feels Wrong to me, like my primal monkey brain is like "humans shouldn't be able to float above water like this".

2.) i have very repetitive stress dreams every night of my life, i don't think i've ever had a Good dream before and im not joking. usually the mundane stuff like being back in high school and not knowing where my classes are or my locker combination etc (which is wild bc that's never something i actually needed to worry about in high school, like i never once forgot things like that). also losing my phone or having it stolen seems to be a theme lately as well. HOWEVER when a dream isn't mundane, i manage to have REALLY weird dreams. the first nightmare i ever remember having was when i was like three years old and i dreamed a tree was chasing me. like a legit tree. i never saw it walk, it would just move when i wasn't looking and would be closer when i looked back. i ran home and still have the vivid memory of slamming my front door and looking behind me to the window where the tree was "looking" inside at me. it didn't have eyes or anything im just assuming it must have been looking at me lmao. anyway i was Terrified of this tree but hindsight that's literally so funny. a tree. also had a dream where my trash bag climbed into bed with me. and one where it was "emu hunting season" in my neighborhood and everyone was hunting emus. i probs don't have to clarify that there aren't emus anywhere near my midwestern city.

2.5.) interesting combination of the first two facts, which is why this is a bonus fact™️. i realized a recurring aspect of my dreams is something highly specific to me and not normal. i didn't realize this from conversations with people or anything i just suddenly was like "oh that's actually very weird and specific to my particular phobias". the aspect in question being that in multiple dreams over several years there's been partially submerged roller coasters in my dreams. like the roller coaster is like 1/4 submerged in a dirty lake and i either just see it and am like "eugh" or i'm actually forced to ride it and have to deal with the horror of both the anticipation of the dirty water part plus the actual contact with the dirty water. i'm not afraid of roller coasters or anything i guess my brain just found a way to tap into my submechanophobia. very weird brain thing that sounds very stupid and it is ajdjr

3.) on a lighter note, i have five genshin impact accounts, although i don't use two of them anymore. i have my main account, an anemo only account, and a new gimmick account that is a secret. my other accounts were just a replay account to experience exploration again, and one that i was gonna call carrot run where i only used xingqiu. i might still end up playing on that one again eventually given that i have xingxiu and sac sword on that account already in very early game with was lucky 4 me.

this was longer than i thought it would be i just decided i like talking about myself apparently LMAO

i don't rly have anyone to tag bc i'm afraid of bothering ppl so AJDHDHFH will leave off the post here

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

what are your influences/inspirations for your art!! like, stylistically or thematically!

visual art, stylistically:

the Borderlands artstyle obviously. cel shading and outlines my fucking beloved. I am so fucking sad that gbx themselves is kinda toning down on it and that they didn't implement the crosshatch shader they put in teasers for bl3. come the fuck on

the Psychonauts artstyle. even if I do no longer draw in the hyperdeformed style I took from that game I still often deform characters and exagerrate their main features in order to make them more distinct. it also kinda made me addicted to shape language lolmao

Team Fortress 2. I am fucking serious btw. blame that one youtube video on its artstyle. it's been a formative experience for me when I watched it and it stuck itself in my brain. it made me appreciate blockiness/solidity/stockiness in art, as well as teaching me how to limit color palettes and how to draw attention to the important parts of the character by using color contrast.

as for actual artists and not. Video Games. I have been eyeing cubists and futurists recently (even went to a gallery with some of Picasso's earlier works) but it's nothing too substantial as of rn

visual art, thematically:

most of what I draw is characters & fanart so. yeah .

however one thing I've been enjoying recently is redrawing paintings or old photos. usually replacing the ppl in them with my fave old man yaoi. maybe it's cringe but they are a very "love in every time" sort of couple to me so :shrug:

literary art, stylistically:

positivist writing, particularly Lalka by Bolesław Prus. perhaps it's because I consider myself academically inclined, perhaps it's because naturalistic descriptions pander to my Biology Autism, perhaps it's bc of smth else idk

impressionism except not really bc im autistic and thus sensory descriptions come to me naturally

Terry. Pratchett. comparisons in my fics are often snappy(tm) as all fuck because they're, well, Borderlands fics, and to me a Borderlands novel should be Discworld-like. also because Discworld itself slaps

the work of Alexis Kennedy: the guy who wrote a lot of Fallen London, Cultist Simulator and also the Horizon Signal dlc for Stellaris. which is all shit im into. and good lird . its hard to describe you have to read this stuff for yourself

literary art, thematically:

again see the visual art section but largely my fics if they aren't self indulgent fluff are just. taken from my brain tee em because I cover topics or angles that the rest of the fandom wouldn't even think of

Alexis Kennedy again bc he writes gothic/cosmic horror. especially the latter. hoo doggy

other things that in general inspire me:

Darkest Dungeon. both the artstyle and the story have been big influences on me even tho I only played the game once and know everything abt it by watching youtube and bingereading wikis

the legacy of H. P. "Racist" Lovecraft. I guess. what can I say I am a sucker (haha) for those tentacles. except I do everything he ever did sexier and cooler and also he can go roll in his grave

legends, folklore, mythology and occultism. Hellenic of course since that's a big part of Borderlands symbolism but I ain't a coward I throw all that shit in there. slavic (creator bias lollll), norse, japanese, a bit of voudoun, biblical tradition, alchemy, tarot, et cetera. of course I usually don't talk about all the symbols that go into my Everything bc there's a crapton and everyone is entitled to their own interpretations but. yknow! and thats not even accounting for my love of assigning complex motifs to things

[twinkskeletons]

okay first off, love you <333 and secondly, it’s gonna. well i can’t promise it’s gonna get better tomorrow or next week but it might, you never know!!! that’s the thing about us (rock bottom sue eye cide craving 20-somethings), things can’t really get much worse anyway so! the only way is up! (<- me forcing myself into optimism so i don’t kms)

what i can promise is that your life isn’t meaningless, waking up isn’t meaningless, getting up isn’t meaningless. hell, staying in bed isn’t meaningless. not in the context of your life, and the things happening around you. and if you think about the context of the universe then all of it is meaningless anyway so might as well reduce it down until you find meaning! otherwise what would be the point of art and literature and music and nature? it’s not gonna matter in the end, but it matters NOW. and so do you. bc how else are you gonna experience all that?

“inherent worth to your life” arguments never worked on me, honestly, and neither did “but the ppl whose lives you make better :(“ ones (they might for you!!!) bc literally they don’t exist really, but what did work on me is realising that kms would mean i wouldn’t get to look at stuff anymore. not read nor write nor listen to music nor rain nor poetry nor watch films and sunrises and birds nesting and the way the sky darkens and the moon. the moon! that big ass rock! illuminated by another’s light and yet the most beautiful thing to lift your eye to! im a bit of a romantic so you know. that worked on me. has been working for like, half a decade now. so you reallllllllllllly gotta find the argument that works on you.

cause there’s stuff that’s important to you, right? reduce it down to that, if you have to, for now, even if it’s one thing. love that one thing with everything you have. it’s gonna get easier to breathe. so breathe. breathe when it’s easy, and breathe extra hard when it’s hard. i believe in you!!!!!!!! “meaning” is so fucking vague anyway. who decides that shit!!! who cares!!! the most important part is that inside you there’s a beating heart whose pumping is testament to the love you feel for whatever it is. there’s meaning in that, i can definitely promise that.

this got. extraordinarily long. so im sorry for giving you the choice to read all that cause really, you don’t have to. but i hope it helps, like, just a little, to recategorize and breaaatheeeeeee. xo

waugh this is so nice thank u :’) i think my biggest problem is that im just. so alone and that will never change and can really only get worse when my entire family disowns me for being trans. only time i talk to people im not related to is when im threatening suicide on tumblr lolll and i kind of dont know how to interact with people outside of that anymore.. not sure i ever did actually my experience with the three friends i made in high school was sitting and listening to them talk to each other and never saying anything myself which. doesn’t really translate to online very well. ur right though there are at least two things i care abt my dogs and my art so i guess i just need 2 really focus on those 👍 keep making merch and planning that potential artist alley table

[sparklingself]

okay so I'm that anon from b4 regarding the void and the 3d and rereading it I have to say i took that very personal LMAO it does sound like I'm excusing the void obsession but that was really not my intention yall 🙏🏻 what I was tryna say is that I've seen it so many times that ppl just love to get mad at ppl saying they need to get out of that "victim mentality" and stop reacting to the 3d and obsession over manifestations. I do understand where *most* ppl obsessed with the void come from. (if it's not just wanting to grow taller or anything). I have learned more abt the law of and ik that imagination creates reality. I was just referring to how hard it can be when ure in an an abusive household and how u can't just literally live in ur 4d easily if it's bad. and to that other anon clarifying no I didn't mean it metaphorically, my parents were physically abusive, so yes I actually talked abt experience and how tough it can be in this community sometimes when blogs tell you to just "ignore" it and live in ur 4d. really I do get why the void sounds appealing, I get why they're stuck in the 3d bc honestly it's more overwhelming than u actually realize, the power u have. so ofc they want to apply it in their 3d and I'm only talking abt myself rn (abusive household, hard circumstances to deal with & not sm1 whoz 2 lazy to persist) & ppl who go through similar things. again sorry for taking/writing it personal, I really didn't mean to justify obsessing over a meditative method!

it’s okay!! i do understand your point of view and i think it’s important to have these discussions. it’s terrible that you had to go through that and i’m glad you’re in a better place now. and anyone’s emotions are 100% valid and it’s okay to feel shitty. there’s just a way to free yourself, even if everything seems terrible outside. focusing inward, knowing that there’s peace inside, that what is happening outside is just a fragment of your imagination and you can grant yourself whatever you want inside. truly understanding that and practicing that is freeing. and it can be hard, i know, and it usually is. but it’s doable through consistency and it becomes easier the more you focus inward.

[codeform]

I just saw your posts about gender for that Clu person, and based on their responses, I think this is someone who is dealing with a lot of uncertainty and they were hoping for a certain answer for their question. Maybe not a permanent one, but a springboard or starting point. They are probably looking for a starting point that's a little more specific than 'whatever u want' because I think they might've said (or suggested) they aren't sure what they want.

Your answers are correct, of course, but speaking from personal experience on other topics, it can be frustrating asking for a simple yet specific answer (in this case, that would be an answer like 'cis male' or 'transfem') and getting only broad generalities. Might I suggest supplying them with some terms that seem to be a pretty close fit to what they described? You wouldn't be labeling them, you'd just be giving them some things to Google so they can see if it fits them. A place to start their gender identity journey from (because some people do feel more secure when they have that 'label' and this person might be one of those. And that's completely okay if they need that.)

Hope this helps you and them!

i Absolutely agree w u anon! but (and i am speaking as sm1 whose early exploration was almost entirely based off of discussions w highschool friends— all 2nd hand information. which is its own can of worms hsdfjkjs) i do think its important to like. do that initial footwork yourself?

bc (n im glad u agree!) there is just no neat answer!! esp not w nonbinary genders!! I (a man who has a very weird gender itself) am still constantly learning!! and i did edit one of my rbs but idk if Hal saw, but i think a very good place to start is less "what is upsetting me abt my gender" but rather "what is making me happy" — this is just generally a less painful jumping-off point too, bc its usually easier to work through when you're confused (its a lot to unpack upset/pain/confusion at the SAME TIME!!! not fun)

i will stick by honestly wikipedia as a genuinely useful surface level resource. install shinigami eyes so u dont wind up on transphobic sites and it has a solid rundown of both your "basic" terms and the history of the community, especially bc it is very hard if impossible to get an answer when youre asking sm1 else "heres what i feel now what am i." skhsdhf

and no hate!!! genuinely!!! thats a very easy place to wind up in, where u just WANT a clear-cut answer from sm1 else, but like i said b4: nobody knows you better than YOU!! i think theres like. this idea that we all just Knew and the truth is no, i promise we did not. we have all googled "nonbinary definition" "demigender definition" "neopronouns definition" i went thru 2 whole entire genders b4 i settled on Man and MORE AFTER THAT before settling on Man But Weird

AND ALSO. i am open to questions!!!!!!! but i am A WEIRD DUDE W AUTISM AND I AM NOT BUILT FOR MAKING SENSE!!!!! i promise i AM trying!!! and will continue to try!!! but it is abt to be June and pride is this month and wholeheartedly go to your local pride events if you are confused!!!!!! take to queer ppl who are both prepared to answer questions AND can provide much more relevant, local(!!!) resources — and talk to queer elders!!!! meet the coolest people in the world forever!!!!

but yea to circle back 2 th point i was like. Trying to make. doing that initial footwork yrself is the easiest i think bc you know you. i promise even tho it seems daunting it WILL ultimately be less confusing than trying 2 play 2nd hand telephone even if yr playing w friends (like i did. not ideal — wasnt safe for me to research myself but still Not Ideal)

[yuukei-yikes]

it makes me so glad u like my saeru post bc honestly i get so scared sharing my kagepro opinions in this cold world but like yeah it's makes zero sense whenever i see people try to view saeru the same way they view the other characters bc that's seriously not the point😭. saeru is like sad from an objective standpoint but in kagepro's narrative alone he's what is holding the characters back from developing and gaining happiness. like the only thing abt him is that he's a fabricated shallow version of what being human is like and even then hes only the horrible parts bc he was created from despair. he's meant to be azami's, and by extent all of the mkdn and co's trauma holding them back. if someone tries to find any understanding in his actions then it defeats the whole purpose of his character. a true saeru fan wouldnt try to find empathy in his character but that sounds a bit crazy uhm. anyway sorry for the long ask just kagepro's narrative is so special to me so it makes me a bit insane. *closes the door to my cage and locks it*

1. i totally get you. ive been into kagepro for almost 10 years, ive grown up with it but only started sharing my content when i made this blog (like 5 years ago) and while ive always been loud abt my opinions i think im only NOW like REAAAAAALLY letting loose. i know what it's like to be nervous abt sharing ur opinions lol but u should keep doing it even if u think no one is listening bc someone IS listening and even if someone isnt WHATEVER i love living in delusion talking to myself that's what i do best

2. EXACTLY EXACTLY IT IS SO SO REFRESHING TO SEE SOMEONE GET IT SO PERFECTLY AND PUT IT INTO WORDS SO PERFECTLY TOO like i barely have anything to add because u just say it so perfectly. saeru IS a tragic character in the way it is created from despair like u said but the fact is that since it cannot feel anything like love u can never truly feel bad for it when it dies... it never wanted to help kenjirou, or save hiyori, or give haruka his life back. its purpose through and through is to keep killing everyone precisely because it brings tragedy. like sure it wants to live forever etcetcetc but what it wants to do is bring misery bc that's what it is

i think ppl are generally bad with characters like these because they try to give everyone a humanity?? like with alien characters for example. like it's such a pet peeve to me that people always wanna apply human principles and feelings to characters that are not... human. and the whole point is that they don't understand it and have to learn it or they just understand it differently or like in this case are straight up incapable of it. like this is so interesting. it is so interesting to have a character u will NEVER truly understand fully precisely because of your existence as a human vs their fictional non human existence. THAT'S the kind of thing that's so fun and interesting abt fiction and writing stories and characters, i think. srry that's kind of an unrelated rant that could apply to dozens of characters but here specifically it's like... yeah. there is definitely something interesting in humanizing saeru and making it be one of these characters who learn what love is and etc but that comes at the expense of kagepro's message and the question is why do u even wanna do that so bad. saeru is not THAT lovable anyway fuck that guy fr

because in my professional kagepro experience and here i am about to get a little bitter, 90% of the time it comes from being horny over omg posessed sexy anime boy bc ive never seen ANYONE objectifying clearing when its in kenjirou's body‼️‼️‼️ personally, that's also why im so UGH EYE ROLL at ppl sympathizing saeru but that's more personal lmao. *shakes fist* like mamoru miyano was 1000% chosen as haruka's va thinking primarily of saeru, secondarily of konoha, and haruka as the oh well he's here too ig. i am so sure. i am so DAMN SURE. u got sexy anime voice guy???? are you SERIOUS??? AND THE FACT HE VOICES SAERU EVEN WHEN NOT POSESSING KONOHA AND SOUNDS...LIKE THAT... MAKES IT MORE THAN CLEAR. THEY WANTED PEOPLE TO OBJECTIFY SAERU SO BAD. AND THE WORST IS THAT IT WORKED AND I WILL ALWAYS HATE IT FOR IT.

...........anyway. yes. i love long asks ty for writing to me and reading my tags and also for writing that awesome post (bow bow bow bow)🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[jotx]

my new roommate n his girlfriend have integrated me to their friend group pretty well and i love hanging out with them every once in a while but im a bit frustrated now bc there are 2 trans ppl who seem to rly like me and one of them has been flirty with me via text but. the one big flaw (for me) in this friend group and what stops me from fully integrating is that theyre so. straight edge and sex repulsed. and very explicitly too. like with every other friend group i can talk abt sexual experiences freely n with this one even the mere insinuation that i masturbate is enough to make them look away in disgust. shame!

even if deep down i feel like their repulsion is very much connected to a lot of repressive social conditions present in our country and on the internet spaces/fandoms theyre a part of. i dont think i cant be a full judge, or at least i try not to interpret it as some kind of moral or humanitarian failure on their part. but i do know that i cant be in a relationship with somebody with a mindset like that. i dont expect only sex from a relationship, but i do expect to be allowed to freely express myself and that free expression is sometimes through weird sex! and doing drugs ^^

[campgender]

Yes! Just! Like oh good lord, jesus, yes! Ik u havent even had time 2 respond 2 the rest of my ask (understandable, I am Also nothin if not long winded), & here Im already adding more 2 the pile, but! Ok I didnt wanna like, b 2 presumptuous abt exactly Y it felt like we’re parallel (waves! Hi!) but I also totally was thinkin abt stuff like ‘Im subby af & I think its 4 sure A Factor cuz idk abt Mac but I get the feeling ze is decidedly Less So’ & then u said high femmedom & it was like yes! 1/4

Hello! (Sidenote, ace/stone/sub/bottom combo means I took a Comically long time 2 figure out that those 1st 2 traits werent just extensions of the 2nd 2 lol) Stone resonance, I love that, omigosh. & I think thats exactly where the parallel gets so interesting, w/ the allergy friendly cake (ur talking 2 a fellow ‘I cant eat anything’ celiac here), cuz that ‘Asking 2 much’,

4 me its like, I feel like Im still v much reeling & relishing in the freedom/fear mix of like, submissive acts ofservice r still Acts Of Service & u can b uncomfy w/ them, or even just U Can B Uncomfy W/ Shit, Period, like w/o the need 2 ‘Make up 4 it’, so the idea of sum1 getting off on those boundaries is like, not Bad, but it feels like it kinda undercuts these still v new & healing ideas 4 me, ykno? Like I need it 2 b ok even when no 1 is conveniently in2 it.

& ofc this is me talking on a personal level, like I absolutely Get wanting ppl 2 b in2 it & I love that 4 u, omg. <3 Also that last paragraph, holy shit, I want that, like, on a shirt or embroidered on smth, omg. If this is a disease I sure hope its sexually transmitted, I mean goddamn! Hopefully Im not monopolizing ur inbox lol, but u continue 2 b a poet & a delight. <3 -Baby

omg thank youuu this was, as always, lovely to receive & truly so so validating. that’s the first time anyone has said i have dom vibes & it genuinely makes me tear up 🥺💓💓 also omg stone celiac solidarity!!! <33 that’s so exciting & truly makes me feel like someone out there Gets It

i absolutely feel & affirm smashing the perceived need to “make up for” something to smithereens, that makes a ton of sense & definitely resonates with feelings / needs from a given sexual interaction that i kinda fluctuate in & out of these days. i’m proud of you for doing your best to honor yourself & your boundaries & wish you so much love on this journey!!

& tyyy omg, you’re a delight & i appreciate hearing your thoughts & experiences so much!! also thrilled you appreciated my high femmedom verbiage lol, a fun mac fact is my favorite porn genre in my early 20s was vids that involved a woman getting a guy off without touching him, particularly cbt & getting off on her shoe. & now i’m looking back at that like babe u were sooo oblivious oh my god

like so much of my sexual journey rn is looking at my past self & zyr desires & being like “guess what, you can just do that.” it’s a process that’s baffling + frustrating + deeply pleasurable, & i’m interested to see what other connections remain for me to make. i’ve been keeping a journal of sorts to try to trace these themes with the hope of doing more of what i enjoy in my life

a different thought i’ve been turning over lately & wanted to share with you is how my particular experience of stone + domming + disability troubles the concept of what it means to top someone. like, guys have told me how to fuck myself & i’ve told people how to fuck themselves, & the former were tops or vers who considered that an act of topping me whereas i’m high femme, & the only difference is they wanted it to be their cock rather than my toy whereas i wouldn’t want anything different if i was with someone in person.

so it’s like, is the fantasy what constructs this act differently? the omnipresence of my boundaries? i don’t think there’s a single answer, it’s just fascinating. obv some people don’t consider virtual sex acts to be fucking at all, which i love how my disability + stone + denial challenges bc again, i can fuck someone without touching them in person, too lol

as always thank you for so much food for thought + sense of community!! hope ur doing well, all the best to you 💓💓

[kanmom51]

hi, genuinely curious, why do you think you know so much about bts’s personal lives? like just shipping real people in general that you don’t now personally, bc i saw some of ur posts(not just u, a LOT of others seem to think the same) and i’m confused like how do you know all that from a video/photo?

Ask 2:  hi i think i might have sounded rude in my last anon and im so so sorry if i did, i don’t mean to sound mean but english isn’t my first language and i don’t now how else to write it.

What i mean is i just can’t see it, but so many ppl including you seem convinced jimin and jungkook are a couple? i now there’s probably something i’m missing that’s obvious to everyone else bc to me they just seem like really good and close friends, so like what is it that you think makes it obvious?? (again i’m just genuinely curious abt this pls don’t take it the wrong way 💜)

I’m not clairvoyant and don’t claim to know what goes on behind closed doors.  I have said time and time again that we have no way of knowing what goes on when the cameras are off or when they are in private, unless they tell us.

I do speculate sometimes and make assumptions based on the content I’ve seen, but always original content, and not edited clips.  

I have also made it clear every single time that these are my opinions and conclusions, take them or leave them.

There is a ton of BTS content out there to go through, which includes, just as an example (because there is so much more):  Run BTS episodes, interviews (video, written and radio), member Tweets, memories, Bon Voyage, packages (summer, winter), Bangtan bombs, fan meets, Musters, concerts etc.

You need to watch original content, because, and it saddens me to say this, there is some Jikook YT content that is distorted, edited, slow motioned to fit the story, and not all of it is ‘real’ in the sense, that if you see the original content, see the true moment within it’s context and in real speed, well, it isn’t a ‘real’ moment.  I have called out some of those moments in the past.

But there are things you can’t fake.  

There a several moments that solidified for me the special connection between JK & JM.  

Watch original content over the years and you will see there is something special between those two, a special and strong connection.  JK clearly finds JM as someone he can confide in and someone that can calm him or console him in times of need.  He has said it in interviews and we have seen him do so in the content out there.

JM is JK’s anchor.  His safe place.

JK is JM’s happy place.  When JM is down JK is the one who knows how to cheer him up.  Even Jin had mentioned it once in an interview.

JK is JM’s protector in sorts.  We’ve seen them at the airports, we’ve seen him carry JM after concerts.

They are super close.  We know they constantly choose to travel together in the same car (when every member has their own car and they are the only ones together)...  They choose spend ‘off time’ together - bowling, going to watch a movie, ice skating with each other.  JK himself told us in BV4 that the only members he sae during their time off were JM & Hobi.  They are just super close.

So what made me make the one step further and conclude they are romantically involved?

There are several things that pushed me over the edge.  Some of them are:

First, the content, again.  There is content out there that is way beyond “we are very close platonic friends”.  Things they say or do in front of the camera that give you so much “we are a couple” vibe. 

There is content that makes you feel like you are intruding on a very intimate private moment: 

MAMA 2018 is one of them.  I can’t say one, because there are so many moments there that are “WOW, what’s going on here?”

Rose Bowl is also such a moment that is as clear as day, with no acceptable logical explanation other than: “there is something more between those two”.  

Those are only 2 examples, but there are many more such moments, where the intimacy level is way more than even the best platonic friendship out there.

You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to put 1 & 1 together here.  These moments are loud and clear.

There are the more subtle moments too, those that add up on you, those that if you will look at each of them by themselves you would say: “yeah, nothing here”, but when you put them together, another one and another one and another one, well the conclusion is pretty much clear.

It’s JM’s Tweets, their matching clothing over the years, their choice to spend time together, their private trip, GCFT, JK’s choice to put JM front and center in all his other GCF’s, the way they look at each other, the way they talk about each other, the two very famous lives from 2016 (Tae’s & Hobi’s), their own lives (OMG), things JM tells us (like waking up and seeing JK is what makes him happy these days), “you are me I am you”,  the way they touch, especially during the first few years (2016-2018), those hesitant light touches & brushes (if skinship is not an issue here, why do they hesitate so much to touch each other??? when they have no problem doing so with the others, all when we do know just how close they are), the way they talk to each other, they way JK lets JM get away with shit, while he doesn’t the other members, the way JK drops honorifics with JM +++++ so much more.

There another couple of independent points that helped to push me over the edge too.  

The first is the other members reactions when JK & JM go on with their shenanigans.  RM, Hobi, Jin, Suga & Tae all react differently, each and every one of them has a tell.  Suga and Tae go blank many times.  Jin lowers his head.  Hobi either had a worried look on his face or a big fat smile, and RM, well he’s the most obvious out of the lot.  It’s facial expressions, uneasy movement, fisting his thighs, looking to Hobi or Suga with pleading eyes, running to the two thinking he might have to defuse a moment, separating the two when he feels it’s needed.  It’s all that and then some.  Now if there is nothing ‘more’ going on between those two, why is all of that even necessary???  Those two’s interactions on camera just make the rest of the group nervous, especially RM.  Ask yourself the question: why??  

Another thing I keep asking myself is, if these two are clearly super close, why is there a constant need to downplay their closeness?  This is something that is done by BTS and BH as well as the fandom.  And I find it hard to understand, again, if there is nothing extra going on between them, why downplay them.  You may disagree with me on this, but to me it seems they are way closer than JM & Tae, but they are called ‘soulmates’ while JK & JM are ‘nothing’? It’s like they are there, and it’s clear as day just how close they are, but it’s not a subject they are allowed to talk about.  And the way the fandom is as much as ignoring it also raises so many questions for me.  If this is an innocent platonic close friendship, why ignore it?  How come the fandom isn’t celebrating it? 

Thing is, that not only does the fandom ignore their connection, they are being hated for it.  The level of anti and hatred  out there towards them is unbelievable.  And yet again, that raises the question of why?  If nothing is going on there why such anti towards those two, together, in particular?

At the end of the day, I guess life experience is probably what helps me out here.  I have been around for a while, experienced love and heartbreak, and also a long term relationship. I know the signs, you could say.  It helps being able to assess a situation and read into it.  

It’s ok to question yourself.  I do so constantly.  I watch and re-watch content.  I read interviews, I question my logic, my conclusions.  I, just like any normal person, do have self doubt at times.  Believe me, I would not have written what I have before checking and re-checking myself.  And still, these are my conclusions.  I believe that JK & JM are not only super close, but also romantically involved.  There you have it.

[angeltrapz]

oosdkk dude im sorry ur mood dropped too.. i hope u feel better soon <3 but like i wld love 2 hear more abt ur thoughts on Art in general bc Boy Is He Interesting, and also a lil more abt Daniel coming out as nonbinary to his dad (whether he knows Eric is trans or not at that moment skjdfhdskf)! + if ur feelin it just more abt Mallick in general ESP cuz we agree that Brit doesn't make it thru V

djhfjdks thank u sm <3

okay Art first. I genuinely wonder abt him so much, something in specific I think abt is that aside frm Amanda (+ Eric, obviously, but talkin abt disciples) Art is one of the only trap victims EVER 2 be tested twice and it’s like... what’s that abt? Why? as u’ve said b4 it rly depends on how you personally view his character: whether he’s a disciple or not. fr me, both options are equally plausible, n honestly I don’t rly confine myself to either; it sorta depends on what I’m feeling/writing. if we’re talking abt art being a disciple, then the Spinecutter not going off (one of my BIGGEST questions) makes total sense, as Hoffman’s side of the trap was never set up to work either, + Jigsaw disciples have a history (aside from Lawrence) of appearing as victims in other tests/traps. if he were not just another pawn and was in fact a disciple himself, then the Spinecutter was never meant to go off - it was there just to make Eric think it COULD go off/make it look convincing to outsiders. which brings me to ANOTHER question: what does Art know abt Eric? does he know anything? what does he think of Eric?

(lil side note: if Art is a disciple, then I kinda wonder if it’s a lil bit of a Hoffman + Lawrence situation where Hoffman didn’t know abt Art either? just bc he looks so shocked when he sees Art’s face fully fr the first time... that could’ve just been acting on Hoffman’s part but IDK. food fr thought)

personally, I feel like Art probably does know a lil bit abt Eric - at the very least, he’d know tht Eric had been previously tested + failed by John’s rules, but then I feel that he wld also know Eric didn’t rly have a chance in his second test. that is why Art trying so fucking hard to keep Eric alive is interesting 2 me: what is his motivation 2 do that? like he’s been told Eric’s basically just there to get Rigg to participate, he doesn’t have any personal obligation or anything like that. sure, the aim is to keep Eric alive + see if Rigg can pass his “test,” but nobody said anything about grabbing a man you barely know around his ankles to keep him frm hanging himself w a noose made of chains. nobody said anything abt speaking to him so softly, not even raising your voice beyond saying “hey,” and asking him do you understand? when you tell him to keep still and prevent him frm killing his counterpart (which, if Art is a disciple, he knows it won’t, but he still speaks to Eric so softly, so compassionately, doesn’t he?)

nobody said anything abt grabbing him around the waist and steadying him again after being punched by said man. but Art does that. he stabilizes Eric’s feet on the ice as best he can and he keeps his hips straight and he basically says “look, we’re all stuck here, you need to keep it together ‘til that clock counts down if you want us to live, but I’m giving you a choice,” and he presses the gun w the single bullet into Eric’s hands and tells him it’s up to him. nobody said Art had to care but he does, I think, and it’s just like. he really didn’t have to keep Eric alive over the course of Rigg’s test. he didn’t. but he did and I just,, where does it come from? why does he care? this is even going beyond the fact that we’ve talked abt them being together after their test in a scenario where they both survive - I just think that Art at his core is a very stubborn but very compassionate person, whether he wants 2 be or not. like he HAS to know that kind of involvement cld prove to be extremely detrimental but he cares. I feel like that says a lot abt him (even if he does call Eric an asshole a couple times while doing it,,).

plus I also just. I think his reason for being tested (as it seems to be in most cases) is extremely flimsy. he was doing his job. he’s a LAWYER. often times it has nothing 2 do w personal feelings; they’re there to do their job and sometimes, unfortunately, that is defending possibly reprehensible people (in cases like Rex’s & Ivan’s). + John was already upset w him regarding their argument abt the urban renewal group so like it just feels So Very Petty, y’know?? even in the scenario where he IS a disciple, testing him twice seems entirely like John having a personal vendetta against him. Amanda is the only other person to be tested twice aside from Eric, so like. what. is that abt Mr. Kramer.

like I’ve said b4 in dms one could argue that Art is grey morally, bc we never rly see anything of him outside of flashbacks + acting as a test controller in IV, esp given that he... rly doesn’t seem too bothered abt it all? which is fair. but I also feel like the concern he shows towards Eric is smth to be considered as well.

-

+ YESS NONBINARY DANIEL I know I’ve mentioned it b4 but for reference, I read Daniel as masc nonbinary (he/they)! so I feel like Daniel wld b pretty comfortable w his identity, he’s never rly had a reason not to be (it’s rly anyone’s guess here tho bc we never see Eric + Daniel + Kate... as a family unit, for obvious reasons), so I feel like he’s vry chill abt it? and in the scenario where Eric survives n is dating Adam, I feel like Daniel wld talk 2 him abt it first (Adam is an adult they quickly come to trust + he’s vocal abt being trans himself so there’s that added layer of understanding - other than his mom maybe Adam might b the first person they come out 2). they’re just kinda like “so I wanna tell my dad I’m nonbinary but like I’ve literally never thought abt coming out what do I do” and Adam’s just like. Aha. bc he knows Eric is Also Trans so like, he doesn’t tell Daniel that bc it’s not his info to share, but he’s definitely like “oh it’ll totally be fine. trust me you have no reason to worry” so Daniel’s just like Okay. I Got This

+ I know I mentioned this in dms but Daniel wld absolutely wear those floral ripped hem skirts over jeans, so I feel like on one of his visits to his dad’s, he just. wears that combined w a completely random niche graphic tee he bought when shopping w Adam (I adore this hc n I am Holding Onto It) n is just like. not super open abt it bc he doesn’t know what to expect? he just kinda waits fr Eric to comment on it but when he doesn’t, Daniel gets nervous n is like “do I look okay?” and Eric’s rly chill abt it, like “yeah! it looks vry cool, vry alternative.” n like Daniel is relieved, of course, but also he’s just like God Pls Say Something so he just comes out w it like “okay this is not working. I’m nonbinary.”

and he’s COMPLETELY SHOCKED when Eric is just like “oh why didn’t u say so? do u have a different name u wanna go by? is Daniel still okay?” bc he wasn’t sure how much Eric knew, so he’s just like “uh no Daniel is still good, he/they pronouns though” and Eric’s just like alright cool but internally Daniel’s just like ??????

n THAT is when Eric asks him 2 come sit out on th front steps w him n is just like. “I don’t think I ever told u this but I’m trans. I transitioned during training in my early 20s” n Daniel is nodding while internally he’s like Adam I’m gonna throttle u. he worked himself up fr NOTHING. he just kinda laughs abt it and Eric is like “are u good?” ‘cause he’s a lil worried but then Daniel just smiles and is like “yeah I’m fine! just realizing I had nothing 2 be worried abt” and it’s a rly good moment fr them. they sit out there together talking abt their experiences for quite a while n at some point Adam steps outside 2 find them deep in conversation + he just smiles n goes back inside bc he cares abt them both so much and seeing them talk like that makes him so 💞💞 (Eric is SO PROUD u can see it on his face)

-

ohhh gosh Mallick,,, I spend a lot of time thinking abt him actually. he’s just one of those characters I feel vry connected to (me 🤝 Mallick: Ambiguous Disorder 💕) n one I got surprisingly attached to? hello (he IS one of my f/os)

I feel like Mallick is a very lonely person at his core. the way he sort of clings to Brit (w out the whole like. adrenaline of being in very very real danger w ppl trying to kill u SEVERAL TIMES) somewhat confirms this fr me. this is someone who has no reason to look out fr him, no reason to keep protecting him when their fellow captives hit him over th head w a club or attempt to push him into a bathtub to ELECTROCUTE him, but she keeps doing it and he’s just. in awe of it a little bit? ‘cause she could just let Charles knock him tf out or let Luba push him in but she fights for him, some1 she has no obligation to n met fr the first time literally when they woke up.

the moment they share b4 they stick their arms into the saws to activate the 10 Pints of Sacrifice is so very vulnerable and maybe even a little tender. yes he calls her a monster, yes she calls him one back, neither of them deny it. it’s an admission and an acceptance. they’re monsters, sure, fine, okay. but they are monsters and they are in this together. Brit tells Mallick it’s okay when he says he can’t do this alone. she says okay, okay, it’s okay, we’ll go together. and they help each other secure their tourniquets and they stick their hands in together bc it’s the two of them, literally hand in hand, fighting for their lives n for each other n they’re in so so much pain but they are doing it TOGETHER. I lose it thinking abt it!!! they even have a head bonk moment!!! I very much feel like it has some cinematic parallels to Adam & Lawrence’s moment in SAW 2004!!!!

+ as u mentioned, we both share the thought that Brit likely died since she wasn’t present at Bobby’s meetings, and. I want to touch on how fucking despondent and lost Mallick looks when we see him again in 3D. lights on but no one’s home. I feel like for Mallick, losing Brit was losing the first chance at a real connection he’s had in god knows how long - and for him, that’s just very shattering. he’s been thru hell, he’s watched three people die right in front of him, he sawed his ARM IN HALF, n the person he went through all of that with didn’t make it. but he did. and I feel like for Mallick that’s just like... he doesn’t understand it. but he feels even lonelier than he ever has b4 because the One Person who was there w him thru it all, the one person who could ever possibly understand what happened that night, is gone.

the Mallick we see in V would NEVER sit down n willingly listen to Bobby Dagen’s bullshit abt loving yr scars n taking pride in the fact u survived. he wld hate that man with a passion n I am very much sure of this. the fact that he’s sitting in that chair looking numb and glassy-eyed and silent? Mallick is trying to find some1 to connect to, find a place where maybe he belongs. trying to fill that hole that losing Brit made. why else wld he be sitting there, listening to someone he would ordinarily tell to shove his self-love bullshit up his ass? he’s lost. he’s just trying to keep his head above water and find a way to shore even though everything in him is fighting not to. he’s adrift without her.

+ ALTERNATIVELY, bc the reality of that is just. crushing n maybe not where I needed 2 go, in the scenario where Brit survived + just doesn’t want to put up w Bobby’s bullshit, I imagine them to actually move in together after a lil bit of time getting 2 know each other better w out the pressure of “oh god we’re gonna die.” she kinda helps him build up a sense of self-worth bc GOD it’s practically non-existent n thinking abt possible reasons why makes me sad. she’s definitely just like “no, you do deserve to be cared for and you deserve help when you need it, you deserve good things n to be happy.” she just kinds shuts it down while still making sure to talk 2 him abt WHY he feels that way (she’s not dismissing, but she’s trying to nip it in th bud) n Mallick is just like. huh. bc no one’s really done that fr him before. but it rly does end up helping in the long run, even if it is a very slow pace toward actually getting 2 a place where he recognizes his own worth + realizes he deserves all the things he wants Brit 2 have too. they’re there for each other thru thick n thin and if they made it thru their game, they can make it thru anything.

[outgrowings]

omg i saw u posting abt hating sak*atsu a few times n at first i confused the names n thought u meant suna x atsumu but then i was like wait u got the names wrong @ myself n now im just like ???? why is sak*atsu so popular i dont understand 😭 (also sakusa is like literally the only hq character i dont rly like i dont get the obsession w him jdndnd) its rly the kinda gay ship for straight ppl huh (also sorry for like randomly dropping by w this ive just saw ur posts abt the ship discourse n it reminded me of this situation again fjdjsn)

HI ALAN!!! naur its fine to ask! i never realized i bashed s*kuatsu so much in here lol but based on my very limited yet chaotic experience in lurking through hqtwt (since it was popularized in twitter), its popular because

1) its licherally imaginary yet spread by f*jos (like how christians try to ask you to join their bible study even though you're uninterested) since they find the appeal of two bantering assholes "hot". even though those two barely have any meaningful interactions in the manga. they didn't even talk in the u19 chapters.

2) shippers love the appeal of "enemies to lovers" that s*kuatsu exudes except the only thing they did is banter for less than 10 panels out of how many chapters during the msby vs adlers match (im pretty sure 2 panels of them interacting is sakusa ignoring atsumu). one time i saw someone compare them to sasunaru. i was about to bite someone bc of that.

3) they're both "handsome" and jerks and atsumu gave sakusa a nickname which means that it's OBVIOUSLY real and not made up and there's TENSION between them as rivals, when the only thing they have in common other than being in the same team is that they went to the same volleyball camp in high school that happens like. once a year. and it's canon that sakusa is OBSESSED with ushijima and their rivalry as spikers and barely cares about atsumu so. checkmate s*kuatsus.

4) blonde jock x emo nerd trope. thats it.

5) ok so WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED was that before s*kuatsu got popular (since it only happened after sakusa's chapter dropped, and atsukita was the main atsumu ship for years), ppl actually paired komori and sakusa together and there were many fanarts of them since nationals arc, until it got revealed that they were COUSINS because it was never indicated pre-brazil arc that they were related. so instead of leaving the man alone, the sakusa fans were like "we need to find sakusa another man NOW!!!" and saw atsumu. thats how s*kuatsu was actually born

6) the rest of the shippers don't actually read hq but got convinced by the fandom moms that they did interact

the thing is s*kuatsu would be fine as a crack pairing bc it had no in-text foundation but good god. it now has almost 5k fics based on content from nothing and on mischaracterization of two characters, most of it is written by horny ppl (f*jos), and most of the stans are annoying and love to ignore how much inarizaki meant to atsumu. although i think the pairing is more frequent with the more western/english-speaking side of the hq f*ndom? since atsukita still remains the dominating atsumu ship in east asia after the care package scene in the inarikara match and when atsumu had a flashback of kita in ch. 391. but if they seriously wanted a tall, cool, dark-haired spiker who also lives in osaka for atsumu, aran licherally exists. thats as far as i remember for extensive s*kuatsu origins tho! omg im so sorry you have to read all this

[tyrannuspitch]

ok coffee cup emoji i forgot to copy it but 1) doctor who just in general 2) alternative fashion takes

okay i don't think i have anything very insightful to say abt either of these but. let's see

1. doctor who... hmmm. i have a lot of conflicting feelings from consuming it sporadically over years. i almost subjected you to the full list of level of enjoyment by season, like a malevolent genie catching hold of the phrase "in general", but then i realised i did actually have one solitary point to make so here is that instead:

re: ten's era and class: i can respect much of what each are doing but i wish scifi writers would invoke "genocide" less often, bc it's not actually an edgy moral grey if you the writer have created a situation where an entire people is synonymous with one evil army (a situation which never occurs irl bc real ppl simply do not work like that.) like at that stage we're talking mass-murder-in-self-defence, not genocide, bc genocide by definition includes indiscriminate killing of innocents and you've literally *written out* all the innocents? like the only way you can make it a palatable storyline is by making the species effectively just an extension of one single evil character. which is not how real people work. so why not just ask this question about one character. "is killing in self defence ever okay" is a legitimate question. "is genocide ever okay" is not a legitimate question until you bring in implausible scenarios. i know scifi does thought experiments but.. urgh. this one goes the same way every time and it's never genuinely interesting or satisfying. it's just uncomfortable.

disclaimer having written this: most of the rest of what i had to say was positive, it just wasn't interesting. anyway... twelve my beloved

2. alternative fashion takes: god idk i do not dress well and never have and therefore am not qualified to have Opinions. my personal relationship to alternative fashion specifically is v weird for two reasons:

a) i can appreciate the aesthetic as a whole and even somewhat identify with it but you offer me each thing individually and i'm suddenly like nope. nope. nope. like... idk. i like how lip piercings look but i feel like i wld find them gross to actually have. and i will not do makeup for dysphoria reasons and i-have-a-skin-disease-anxiety reasons. and i am nowhere near confident enough in my own decisions to ever get a tattoo. and i feel kind of just, ambiguous gross and unlike myself wearing most casual clothing during the day. (not cheap clothing. specifically *casual*. wld much rather wear cheap formal stuff than designer casual. and i think the main problem i have w casual stuff is being loose/oversized. i just... want to feel *neat* i guess? and not clumsy? and loose clothing that moves a lot just makes me irrationally feel rlly uncoordinated and graceless and generally messy?) (the more i try to word this the more autistic i sound rip)

b) i naturally lean more towards like, idk. formal/historical stuff rather than modern/grungy/futuristic. but as much as ppl talk abt wanting to look like vampires, the majority of alt men are doing a p straightforward ripped skinny jeans + black t shirt thing and even finding examples of men who are doing Just Straight Up Dress Like You're In Interview With The Phantom Of Crimson Peak Or Other Miscellanous Goth Film is not easy. let alone actually finding the clothes to do it yourself. (like no i don't literally mean historical dress but like. urgh. i feel like goth *women* dress like witches pretty frequently and therefore the clothes themselves are out there.)

all that aside my hot take is. um. i need nicer shoes and maybe some rings and/or nail polish. sidefringes are overdone we need to bring back bobs on men. yes from the middle ages. uhh. gender noncomformity in men includes androgyny and not just straight up wearing dresses and ppl discussing gncity in theory never seem to demonstrate understanding of that so maybe look at an emo man once. uhh. glasses on chains (monocles, even) are good and on theme for an aesthetic which incorporates lots of other metal jewellery. that is all i have to offer