#or represent herself as intersex

[intersex-support]

hi, sorry if something along the lines of this has already been asked! i was born with poland syndrome which is a chest deformity that leads to variations in how one's chest grows. i personally have one boob on one side and am completely flat (Which is admittedly rare w poland syndrome since it can be concave) on the other. does this count as intersex? i've always had a complicated relationship with gender because of it.

Hi anon!

First off I want to make it clear that I am not an authority on who is or isn't intersex, and that my perspective is just one perspective.

I'm going to copy out a few definitions of intersex that I think are helpful for conversations like these:

“The term intersex is an umbrella term that refers to people who have one or more of a range of variations in sex characteristics that fall outside of traditional conceptions of male or female bodies. For example, intersex people may have variations in their chromosomes, genitals, or internal organs like testes or ovaries. Some intersex characteristics are identified at birth, while other people may not discover they have intersex traits until puberty or later in life. ” -InterACT

This includes both primary and secondary sex characteristics such as hormones, genitalia, and chromosomes that fall outside of what is typically considered “male” or “female.”

Intersex activist Hans Lindhal also adds on that these traits are usually "significant or noticeable enough to cause stigma and violence in a person's life."

Traditionally, poland syndrome hasn't been considered an intersex variation--the medical world doesn't consider it a difference in sex development. I haven't really found resources from intersex organizations explicitly including it either. Conversations about poland syndrome seem to usually be operating under chronic illnses/disability frameworks rather than biological sex and intersex frameworks. I also think that because poland syndrome can apply to people regardless of chromosomes, hormones, genitalia, and internal organs, that it hasn't really been understood as an intersex variation because the rest of the components of biological sex are still fitting within the "typical" definitions. However I can absolutely see the argument that breasts are considered a secondary sex characteristic, and could understand that perspective. I think that the terminology of intersex is always shifting, and as our understanding of the sex binary, our bodies, and the political context we live in grows, definitions expand beyond just what doctors think are intersex variations.

All this is to say although poland syndrome hasn't been considered an intersex variation, I don't think there's anything wrong for seeking support from intersex resources if those experiences resonate or overlap with your experiences as a person with poland syndrome. I've had conversations with people before, especially other disabled and chronically ill people who don't have intersex variations, but might sometimes describe themselves as having "intersex adjacent" experiences and have that solidarity with intersex community. I think it's perfectly okay for people in those circumstances to seek support with intersex community and just be honest about the fact that although you might not have an intersex variation, you have some overlapping experiences and are looking for welcoming community spaces. As long as people are considerate of not speaking over intersex people on their personal experiences or understandings of intersex oppression, I personally feel like there's so much room for intersex and disabled solidarity, especially when it comes to people who experience disability/chronic illness of reproductive anatomy and sex characteristics.

I'm just one intersex person and cannot speak on behalf of the whole community, so if other intersex people want to add on their perspectives please feel free!

[batbeato]

I've talked briefly before about intersex Sayo, but... There's a lot you can read into regarding her relationship with her intersex status and with the perisex expectations she grows up with.

(This post reads Sayo using an intersex lens, as their experiences are analogous to real-life intersex people and can be seen as a metaphor for them, even if Sayo is never confirmed to have been born intersex.)

Sayo grows up with all sorts of expectations centered around the perisex 'AFAB' body: she will have a feminizing puberty, she will develop hips and feminine fat distribution, she will grow breasts, she will have periods, she will be capable of having children. But it goes beyond that - these are not only expectations Sayo has for herself, but expectations that society has for them, as well. People raised as girls are told that breasts and hips and fertility and vaginas will make them attractive to men, defines them as women, and makes them valuable - and thus the inverse is also the case: that without these things, they are not attractive to men, they are not women, and they are not valuable.

This equivalization of sex to gender means that Sayo, as they grow older and do not experience the perisex puberty promised to them, begins to feel unattractive, de-gendered, and worthless. This feeling only grows, and culminates in their self-definition as 'furniture', once they realize that they not only will never experience perisex puberty, but also will never be capable of reproducing. They say that "this body... isn't even capable of love" - "love" as is defined by the capacity to perform (heterosexual) sexual acts that can result in procreation. This can also indicate that Sayo wasn't physically capable of receiving vaginal penetrative sex. If Sayo was born perisex and AMAB (my personal preference), their vagina was surgically created. It may not be capable of pleasurable intercourse, or may not be able to fit a penis at all (or at least, without further procedures, such as dilation). If Sayo was born perisex and AFAB, their injuries and subsequent surgery may have resulted in a similar state for their vagina: one where vaginal penetration is painful or impossible.

(I personally believe Sayo to be AMAB, owing not only to the "man from 19 years ago" but also to Lion's status as the heir and more masculine-leaning presentation, something that would likely have been discouraged or looked down upon if Lion had been AFAB. I also lean towards it because of how AFAB Sayo/Lion has been used in the past to deny and discredit Sayo's trans identity and to enforce cishet norms onto Beatrice/Battler's and Will/Lion's relationships.)

Regardless of Sayo's assigned gender at birth, Sayo, both before and even moreso after the reveal of their past, felt unattractive, degendered, and desexed. In their attempts to claim identities that conformed to the allopericishet patriachy they grew up in, they lived their life as Shannon, Kanon, and Beatrice.

Shannon represents the ideal femininity: she has large breasts, she is submissive, and she is kind and emotionally mature. Beatrice's body, much like Shannon's is sexualized - blonde, blue eyes, large chest, all for the sake of feeling attractive - though she is allowed to express non-feminine behaviors so long as she is not made visible to anyone. Through Shannon and Beatrice, who are both imagined to be perisex ideals, the intersex Sayo is able to reclaim her sexuality, though fear of being sexless remains.

In EP2, Beatrice taunts Shannon with how animalistic the desires of men are - "the black-as-tar lust of that glasses man behind you", "men are flies and maggots that get caught in your scent and gather around you". I believe this is a combination of things: fear of sexual assault, as her mother and potentially grandmother were assaulted; shaming of her own sexuality and desire to be seen sexually; and an affirmation that she is, in fact, sexually desirable. Beatrice, in saying that Shannon is an object of sexual desire, no matter how negatively framed, is affirming that if Sayo presents as a cis perisex woman, she is able to become attractive. She is able to escape being the sexless, genderless 'thing' she feels that her intersex status makes her.

In contrast, Kanon, who is masculine, is not ideal: he does not have large muscles, he is not emotionally mature, and he is effeminate. He is a man, but he is also not one who would be valued in the patriarchal society due to his lack of 'proof' of manhood (in strength, in sexual conquest, in appearance, in partaking in toxic masculinity). He is the closest Sayo comes to acknowledging their status as intersex and gender non-conforming - as someone who does not neatly fit into the biological sex binary or the constructed cisgender binary. And he is the persona who does the "dirty work" that stained his soul long ago, the persona who takes no active action and instead denies Jessica's affection, the persona who does not present himself as a sexual being at all.

The most we have is when Kanon takes out his blade in front of Jessica in EP2: the innuendo there is that he is exposing his status as furniture - his (intersex) body, and (intersex) genitalia - to her. He is displayed as a heroic knight who protects Jessica, thus reinforcing his masculinity (men and the masculine as the protecting force for the frailer, feminine idols). Only in Sayo's fantasies can their intersex body "pass" and fit into the cissexual ideal.

So Sayo finds their sexuality in presenting as perisex: their 'true' intersex self, disabled and degendered and desexed, is hidden away and removed from the perfect Golden Land.

I believe many intersex people can resonate with Sayo's feelings: sometimes to be intersex is to be hypersexualized, to be seen as "having both". But to be intersex can also mean to be degendered, desexed, and othered. It can mean that you are not seen as, or do not feel like, someone capable of being an object of sexual or romantic desire. Our genitals and non-conforming sexual characteristics are "freak shows" that need to be "fixed" for us to be "normal" and to engage in heterosexual relationships, and those efforts to "fix" us may only increase those feelings of being degendered, desexed, and othered.

For me there is something that I deeply relate to in Sayo's perception of their (analogous to) intersex body, and in their attempts to present as perisex in order to "fix" what is "wrong". But in the end, even Kanon, the most unlovable, intersex persona of them all, is loved in the Golden Land.

[dailydemonspotlight]

I know you've done Shiva in the past, so I was wondering if you could do Parvati as well? She's endlessly fascinating, and I think it would be awesome to see you cover her in a future post

Parvati - Day 35 (Request)

Race: Megami

Alignment: Light-Neutral

May 9th, 2024

Hinduism is one of the most sprawling religions out there- an interconnecting web of gods and tales, stories about figures whose worship still follows them today. It's an endlessly fascinating subject, one which is still the subject of scholarly debate and religion, but in this maze of subjects there lays a god or two that are beloved in spite of the fact they aren't one of the 'Big Three,' so to speak. One of these deities is our demon of the day, the Hindu goddess of love, marriage, and devotion, Parvati.

Boasting one of my favorite designs in the series as well as some fascinating folklore, Parvati is a figure important in name and stature- as goddess of love and beauty, she stands for all kinds of love, whether it be romantic, platonic, or familial- she's a figure representing the bonds that tie most humans together. Due to this, she's popular, to say the least, found extensively throughout ancient Indian folklore and literature. She also stands as a very important figure in the mythos, being both one of the wives of Shiva as well as birthing Ganesha and Skanda, two other very important figures.

However, how she came about is a story just as interesting as the sum of its parts, a story involving... another demon in the series! Hooray! I won't recant it here to let that other demon, Sati, get her own spotlight, but in effect, Parvati is the reincarnation of the goddess born as a human. Upon Sati immolating herself in prayer to be reborn as a goddess worthy of consorting with Shiva, she would be reborn as Parvati, the daughter of Himalayas, who immediately found herself overcome with the urge to seek out Shiva yet again. During a bit of (literal) soul searching, the gods realized that they needed yet more of Shiva's offspring to help battle the monsters who began invading the world- monsters like Pisacha, Preta, or Rakshasa began to run rampant, causing untold mayhem- and so, in order to stoke the flames of Shiva's suppressed desire, they ended up coming to the difficult decision to sacrifice the then-god of love, Kama, to inspire Shiva.

Now feeling a deep and unsanctioned lust, Shiva began to search out another partner of his own and, eventually, had reunited with Parvati, now a proper goddess in her own right instead of the half-human Sati. Due to the sacrifice of Kama, the gods decided to elect Parvati as the new patron of love and desire, as well as letting her and Shiva wed. Later down the line, the two, ahem, procreated, giving birth to 6 children at first... who were all fused together soon after, forming Kartikeya (hilariously referenced in SMT IV with the following line)

"So mother sent you here... I thought she might have. Still, I don't want to go back! Never! Why...? ...Because I'm scared. Yeah, that's right. I'm scared of my mother. Well, Mother's very kind, but... It's just that... She's just way too out there! Like she doesn't belong in this Universe! I used to be six kids! But Mother hugged us all together, and we got merged into one person. Who has that kind of power!? That's just not right! Look... Once, she accidentally cut off somebody's head, and then she just replaced it with an elephant's head. My entire family is messed up!"

Later on, they also gave birth to the elephant-headed Ganesha, as well as discovering their ability to effectively fusion-dance their way into a new form, that being the intersex Ardha. Lastly, and most interestingly, Parvati isn't just the goddess of all things sweet and sappy- no, she's fully capable of demon slaying too. One of her aspects is the fierce, demon battling goddess of table-turning, the fearless and passionate Durga, who also has an even more fearsome aspect of herself, the infamously deadly Kali, goddess of death and time's passage. Yes, this woman is technically the same as Kali. That Kali. I was shocked too.

There's so much more to dig into with Parvati, given the interlocking threads of Hinduism, but I'll have to call it off here so any later demon spotlights can have their time in the sun. Overall, I love Parvati. A lot. Her design is beautiful and fascinating and she has an incredibly interesting backstory- but how is she depicted in SMT? It's... complicated, but I love it regardless. The design in the megaten series is rather faithful, depicting her in a Hindu headdress and decorated with vibrant pinks and sandy gold, all the while holding a flower, a representation of the love that Parvati stands for. The flowers coming out of the headdress also play into this theme, as well as giving her a more recognizable silhouette outside of a humanoid form. I also, honestly, just find her design really pretty looking- the pinks, golds, and whites all come together to make a gorgeous collage of colors combined with a gentle, nurturing expression. Her outfit also just looks really neat. In Nocturne, she also evolves from Sati, a great reference to the stories surrounding the self-immolating woman.

In gameplay, while she's not the strongest in terms of attacks, she serves as a powerful healer in most games in the series, typically learning both healing skills, status inflicting skills, and buffing skills through level-up. She also can learn some very powerful magical attacks, though most of the time she should be specced more for support if anything. Overall, Parvati is a wonderfully depicted demon with fascinating folklore that is one of my favorites in the series, and absolutely deserves the demon spotlight.

[astralfandoms]

GIVE ME THE HCS I WANNA HEAR EVERYTHANGG

okay so

*cracks open google doc*

i'll just go through the areas because my brain formats better talking about the different cogs like that

also i'm not going to include the factory managers, the satellite investors, C.O.O, or Chairman because i have yet to develop their full mental image in my brain (but it will eventually happen asdfiopj)

also this is going to be long as hell so warning you

Toontown Central

Derrick Man (William Boar)

30

Transmasc Bisexual (He/Oil/Drum)

Autistic

Grew up in a family that was extremely focused on how they looked to the public, and was "match-made" with Misty at an early age, but they ended up just seeing each other as annoying siblings. Both sees Misty as an annoyance and as a friend, but doesn't like to admit that second part, especially to Misty herself.

Is crushing hard on both Alton and Rain and is being tsundere about it

Duck Shuffler (Buck Ruffler, Card Shark, Blackjack)

29

Transmasc Demiromantic Homosexual (He/They/Quack/Slot/Luck/Seven/7/🦆/🎰/⚙️/🍒 [Buck], They/It [Card Shark], It/Its [Blackjack])

Bipolar, DID (Buck [Host], Card Shark [Emotion Dampener], Blackjack [Nonverbal Trauma Holder])

Grew up in Toontown Central surrounded by Toons and later moved into Suitopia as an adult, working as a day trader and gambling on the weekends to help relax. At a casino night, Chris spotted him and offered him a position at C.O.G.S under him. And Buck accepted mostly because he realized he had nothing to lose if he applied.

Dating Dave and has a crush on Brian as well as Eerie Descent

Prethinker (Brian Wiseman)

35

He/It/Study/Thought/Brain/King/♟️/🧠/📖/💭

Trans Gay

Paranoid Personality Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder

Grew up in a family where his parents were usually not home a lot of time and thought that if he got to the top of his class and graduated with honors, then his parents would actually acknowledge him. But that...never happened. So, after college, he drifted around, not knowing what to do before he applied to C.O.G.S in desperation, so ended up overcompensating to make sure that his place in the company was secured leading to...a lot of mess ups. Also transitioned after entering college, renaming himself, but doesn't like mentioning his last name because he's embarrassed that he picked that for himself.

Is dating Benjamin and is crushing heavily on Mac and Buck

Barnacle Boatyard

Land Acquisition Architect (Alton S. Crow)

40

Cis Bisexual (He/They/Hazard)

Anxiety, Paranoid Personality Disorder

Country boys make do. That's like. Pretty much it. Grew up in a large family, had to start working at a young age to help support the family, and now has trouble knowing when to stop working.

Crushing on William real bad due to them being hired around the same time

Deep Diver (Mary Anna)

32

Intersex Bigender Bisexual

He/She/Ocean/Wave/Dive/Sea/Marine/🌊/🪸/🤿/🛟/⚓/🪝

Autistic

Grew up with two moms who encouraged his love of marine life, to the point of her deciding that was going to be oceans career. Immediately was rivals with Holly due to both of them thinking they knew more about the others' specialty.

Dating Misty and keeps denying waves crush on Holly

Rainmaker (Misty Monsoon)

30

Trans Lesbian (She/Rain/Cloud/Storm/Fog/☔/☁️/🌧️/⛈️/🌦️)

Depression, Anxiety, Autism

Similarly to William, grew up in a family focused on how they look in the public eye, and became hyper attached to William because he was the first person who ever treated her nicely and was the one who she first told that she was trans and a lesbian to. Is hurt about the fact that he won't really talk to her anymore but thinks that it's because they're working in opposing departments.

Is dating Mary and Holly and wishes that the two would just get admit that they like each other already

Ye Ol' Toontown Time

Public Relations Representative (Winston Byrd)

98

Genderfluid Biromantic Homosexual (All Pronouns)

Anxiety, Autism, PTSD, Depression, Paranoid Personality Disorder

Was a close friend of Tawney's before everything went down. Was eventually snuck out of the dungeons by a blue and white cat toon before getting smuggled to Daffodil Gardens where he got restored to his previous state.

Currently isn't seeing anyone but is yearning to have a partner again

Gatekeeper (Holly Grayelle)

35

Holypaladin (Xenogender) Bisexual Lesbian (She/Holy/Gold/Knight/Shield)

Autism, ADHD

Grew up being told that she was extremely good at being a leader and so holy has it engrained in gold that knight can’t be any position other than a leadership one and so tends to clash with anyone who challenges that view. And/or fall in love with them. Luck of the draw.

Dating Misty and keeps denying knights crush on Mary. Used to have a crush on Prester until shield found out that he was gay.

Witch Hunter (Prester Virgil)

35

Transmasc Gay (He/Him)

Depression, PTSD

Grew up in an extremely strict, religious house with a doormat of a father and extremely religious mother, which caused him to have a lot of internalized homophobia, even after he transitioned, and takes it out on people who are extremely secure in their sexualities (ex. Diane, Holly). Also has both a fear and affinity for fire due to being shamed growing up as draconic-descended cog.

Dating Cosmo and sorta kinda dating the Satellite Investors. Also Diane's cousin.

Daffodil Gardens

Vice President (Allan Bravecog)

65

Cis Polyamorous Bisexual (He/Bulb/Radio/Static)

Narcissistic Personality Disorder, PTSD

Grew up having people constantly trying to befriend him because he was extremely good at making connections, so tends to have people who he doesn't trust at arms length but pretends that they're closer. Married his college sweetheart Norman Bravecog (OC) and had Cathal around when they founded C.O.G.S along the other Chief Officers after they graduated college. Dotes on Cathal heavily because Cathal was the only child of theirs that survived through infancy.

Married to Norman and has an on-and-off-again thing with both Craig and Chris.

Bellringer (Benjamin Biggs)

38

Transmasc Salmacian Bisexual Gay (He/Ring/Bell/🔔/🛎️)

Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Autism

Grew up being praised for his healing ability but shamed for rings need to feed on oil, so has an energy of “I am perfect and if anyone argues that I am going to kill them and then myself”. Oh yeah, Benjamin is a vampire (sorta kinda) due to having vague leech-based programing and needing more oil than the average cog to allow for bells healing ability (has two oil tanks for that very reason).

Dating Brian and is a bit jealous of Mac and Winn (also is low-key crushing on them but shh).

Multislacker (Cathal Ray Toby Bravecog)

32

Genderapathetic Aroflux Cassexual (He/They/Tech/TV/📺)

Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Autism, ADHD

Grew up extremely coddled by his father for reasons mentioned above and quickly realized that it didn’t matter how hard they worked because everyone would assume that techs work was just tvs fathers, so became very tired and just decided to roll with it.

Has a friends with benefits relationship with High Roller and ends up developing feelings for Chip and Graham.

Mezzo Merryland

Chief Financial Officer (Chris P. Dollair)

66

Trans Bisexual Man (He/It/Cash/Coin/Bank/💸/💵/💰/🪙)

Paranoid Personality Disorder, OCD

Grew up extremely poor so has a lot of trust issues and money insecurity (will swing from penny pinching to splurging).

Is heavily crushing on Allan and Craig, while hooking up with Craig sometimes.

Mouthpiece (Belle Dama)

85

Transfemme Bisexual (She/Chatter)

Autistic

Has had a relatively boring life and works to help her husband, who is too disabled to work, and keep them afloat with help from their children. Visits her husband on the weekend but lives in Mezzo Merryland during the weeks. Is confused by her son's taste in men but is very supportive.

Has a husband named Peter and two kids: Tartarus (huh i wonder who that could be /sillly) and Emily (OC), as well as several grandchildren, with her favourite being Cassidy “Cassie” Dama, one of Emily’s children.

Major Player (Dave Brubot)

27

Melodyboy (Xenogender) Pan (He/Melody/Hymn)

ADHD, Autism

Grew up in a very large, musically inclined family so naturally drifted towards music as his main aspiration. Extremely extroverted and is the one who usually gets his friends to socialize.

Is dating Buck and is trying to encourage Buck to talk with Brian and Eerie.

The Brrgh

Chief Legal Officer (Diane Morsecode)

34

Cis Bi Lesbian (She/Legal/Law)

ADHD, Autism

Grew up similarly to Prester, but was the "star" child, but because of that, whenever she fails to do something, it hits extremely hard. Is both extremely annoyed at and extremely worried about Prester.

Is currently single, but isn't looking for anyone. As mentioned, is Prester's cousin.

Firestarter (Flint Bonpyre)

He/Fire/Flame/🔥/🧯

27

Transmasc Gay (He/Fire/Flame/🔥/🧯)

Anxiety, Depression, Scoliosis

Had a pretty normal childhood, growing from a weird girl into a weird boy. Met Graham first in high school and dated pre-transition and then met again in sophmore year in college post-transition and started dating (had a nice laugh about the fact that fate kept bringing them together).

Is dating Graham and used to date Chip in college (but still has lingering feelings about him)

Plutocrat (Cosmo Kuiper)

68

Cis Bisexual (He/Star/Constellation/Meteor/Planet/🌟/⭐/🌠/✨/💫/🪐)

ADHD, Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Grew up in a mob family and would have stayed only attached to it if C.O.G.S didn’t take over the town that he was the head of, leading to star reluctantly joining C.O.G.S. Took one look at Prester and went "oh i NEED to date that man".

Dating Prester and constellations investors, often showering them in gifts to let them know that meteor loves them.

Acorn Acres

Chief Executive Officer (Craig Edgar Oilcan)

69

Transmasc Genderfaun (He/It/They [Collective], He/Oil/One/Fore [Craig], It/Its [Justice], Edgar [He/They/Golf])

Narcissistic Personality Disorder, DID (Host: N/A, Headmates: Craig [Persecutor, Protector], Justice [Emotional Funnel], Edgar [Guilt Holder, Trauma Holder])

Grew up in an extremely cut throat family where it was essentially "succeed or get scrapped" which caused his system to form at an extremely young age. Applies that motto to a lot of its life, which is why they turned a blind eye to everything involving Chip.

Is deep in denial about the fact that he cares about Allan and Chris (doesn't want to admit that he's attached) and "rationalizes" it by hooking up with Chris and having a good business relationship with Allan.

Treekiller (Spruce Campbell)

46

Cis Gay Man (He/Wood/Gnaw/Log/Chop)

ADHD

Grew up in a large, relaxed family who were the types to encourage friends stay for dinner before they headed back home (especially when it came to Chip and his family). Is so worried about Chip, especially with how little he tells him about work nowadays.

Is single.

Chainsaw Consultant (Chip Revvington)

54

Boyflux (Chip) Agender (Override) Demi Bisexual Gay (Chip) Pan (Override) (He/Rev/Chainsaw/Saw [Chip], It/Its [Override])

Autism, DID (Headmates: Chip [Host], Override [Protector, Persecutor, Prosecutor, Emotional Funnel])

As mentioned in this post, grew up in a very oppressive, strict household that punished him for any sort of autistic behavior, leading towards Override to form to help mask revs autistic traits.

Chip is still not over Flint while Override is head over heels for Cathal, with their difference in romance causing a bit of a struggle in the system.

Drowsy Dreamland

Featherbedder (Tawney C. Esta)

98

Cis Gay (He/Sleep/Snore/Nap/Rest/Bed/Dream/💭/💤/🛏️)

Cis Gay

Insomnia, Depression

Grew up pretty ordinarily, but got depressed after his husband passed, but is now slowly healing from that.

Had a husband, and has grandchildren as well. Also has a bit of a “are they dating or just good friends” thing going on with Doppel (OC)

Pacesetter (Graham Ness Payser)

27

Transmasc Genderfast (Xenogender) Gay (He/Speed/Fast)

Transmasc Genderfast Gay

ADHD, Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Literally does not remember his childhood other than the fact that he had dated Flint in highschool. Only remembers his life post-transition, which is pretty ordinary and standard.

Is dating Flint and has a rivalry/crush thing going on with Multislacker.

So there you go!! That took. way too long but I hope you like!! Also if you have any questions please ask 'em!! This is a lot of fun to do :3

[suddenfossilfightersheadcanons]

some quick queer fossil fighters headcanons

-Several vivosaurs have been treated throughout the ages as queer icons. Generally, dromaeosauridae, particularly Dilopho, Breme, and Nychus, are seen as representative of all forms of queerness. Moreover, Aopteryx, Proto, and Guam, who are gifted with the ability to transform into yet more glorious iterations of themselves, are commonly used in trans iconography. Shanshan tends to be used as a transmasc icon solely, while Guam is usually used for transfem iconography. Aopteryx is used dually as a generalised trans icon and as a representation of nonbinary Fossil Fighters. Also; Sinopteryx is often incorporated into lesbian iconography.

-Most assume that Holt, for his love of V-raptor, would be gay. They're not wrong that he's queer, but his specific brand of queerness is asexuality.

-Dinaurians have more complex chromosomes than humans, so have their own approach to classifying both sex and gender. While there exist both female and male Dinaurian phenotypes, these phenotypes don't always match with their BC/CC chromosome distributions—environmental influence plays a far greater part in Dinaurian than human puberty, so BC males and females both exist, as do CC males and females, and BC and CC intersex Dinaurians. While Dinaurian standards of masculinity and femininity exist, they present more guidelines than cultural imperatives—as such, many Dinaurians fit into neither box socially or biologically, and this is broadly considered normative. Human ideas of straightness, gayness, and bisexuality thus don't always translate well into Dinaurian culture, as the idea of inherently being attracted to especially stringent expressions of certain chromosomal phenotypes just doesn't compute when those phenotypes aren't straightforward. Dinaurians might mention preferring masculinity or femininity somewhat if asked about their sexualities, but are more likely to emphasise personality, intellect, or specific nondimorphic physical characteristics. That is, most dinaurians are sapiosexual and pansexual to some degree, but pansexuality doesn't tend to entirely translate as a cultural construct.

-Near the Hare Club, Cranial Isle has a small hangout room labelled 'the Aopteryx Club'. It's a de facto space for trans Fossil Fighters to meet up and trade anecdotes, and Terry insists on setting aside a portion of the Fighter Station housekeeping budget to make sure the Aopteryx Club is furnished as well as possible.

-Terry is gay, and Cole is a bisexual who long assumed himself to be the sole queer man worth his own attention. The two attended highschool together, and slowly, ever so slowly, have been seen becoming more and more affectionate with each other in public.

-Lola is nonbinary and aroace, but doesn't tend to mention her gender identity unless asked. She's seldom felt quite comfortable with they/them pronouns, but considers herself human before she considers herself in any way female. Though she's ace, she absolutely adores gossiping about others' love lives, and has made every effort possible to nudge Cole closer to Terry.

-Lester is nonbinary and transmasc (he/they pronouns). He and Lola spend a great deal of time making music after hours at the Aopteryx club.

-Pauleen and Dina are lesbian. Oh so very lesbian. Dina is usually entirely oblivious to any male expressions of attraction towards her. Pauleen is not oblivious when men adore her, but tends to be upfront about seldom returning feelings.

-Rupert and Dino are gay. Oh so very gay. From a marketing perspective, Rupert's father didn't disapprove of his son's sexuality—rather, he despised his son's choice in partner, and feared that Rupert and Dino's public affection for each other would drive away potential clients for FossilDig. Rupert managed to allay most of his father's worries by pointing out that FossilDig could likely buy into rainbow capitalism more now, but look less conspicuous doing so. Nevertheless, Rupert's father remained too stuffy to follow through on such a business venture, and pride month sales remain anodyne. Joe Wildwest, meanwhile, not only dotes on his son, but has been absolutely vocal about LGBT rights since he noticed that Dino was gay. 'Noticed', rather than 'was told', since Dino never really came out—he just happened to have a first crush on a male, rather than female, classmate, and the family rolled with it from there.

-In the Patrol Team, Todd is the token straight on thin ice.

-P. A. Leon is gloriously and gorgeously aroace. Though she dated as a young woman, she came to realise she better enjoyed time spent alone with her Kraftwerk and Gary Numan records than time spent together with partners. Her team comprises solely dromaesauridae, and as such, long before she used the term 'asexual' on radio, many celebrated her apparent queerness.

-Diggins and Beth are both trans, and Diggins was the first person to popularise Aopteryx as a symbol of transness.

-Joe describes himself as straight, but also swoons over 70s & 80s rockstars. He's as straight as a 70s rockstar can be—that is, functionally bicurious at minimum. An, uh, 'extremely devoted ally'.

-Though Stryker gives extremely little away to the press, he's always been openly gay. It's not something he's ever wished to conceal; as such, he's the first openly queer head of the Wardens.

-Dahlia and Penny are probably the most prominent resident sapphic couple at INTERFOL.

[coochiequeens]

Does this guy have citizenship in New Zealand? Would this impact this guys chances of gaining citizenship?

The trans activist at the center of controversy after assaulting English women’s rights advocate Kellie-Jay Keen in Auckland, New Zealand, is a representative for the United Nations who was invited to speak at the UN on International Women’s Day, March 8, a revelation that is now beginning to circulate on social media.

Eliana Rubashkyn, also known as Eliana Golberstein and Eliana Rubinstein, is a male who identifies as transgender and intersex, and uses “they/them” pronouns. Rubashkyn is originally Jewish-Ukrainian from Colombia, but currently lives in New Zealand. He has worked with the UN as a Program Officer at ILGA World (the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans, and Intersex Association).

Rubashkyn boasted about assaulting women’s rights campaigner Kellie-Jay Keen on March 25 during what was supposed to be a peaceful women’s rights demonstration. Keen, also known by her moniker Posie Parker, had arranged for a speaking tour of New Zealand centered around giving women the platform to express their thoughts on gender ideology. But Keen was forced to cut the tour short after being met with extreme aggression at her first stop in Auckland.

As Keen stood in the rotunda at Albert Park in central Auckland, where the event was scheduled to be held, a mob of trans activists broke through the barriers. With no police in sight, Keen began to express concern about the safety of herself and her supporters as she streamed live on YouTube.

Among the hoard of trans activists was Rubashkyn, who had managed to get inside the bandstand by lying about his identity. As Keen approached, he then dumped a liter of tomato juice onto her and her security. Videos of the incident have since circulated on social media, and Rubashkyn told a local news station that he was able to approach Keen because he lied about his identity, and “they were not thinking that I am a trans person, because I’m intersex and trans but they can’t tell.”

In a statement on the act, Rubashkyn claimed that he targeted Keen because “her words are blood because they are killing our people.” He continued: “That tomato juice represents the blood of the people she is trying to kill.”

The last murder of a transgender person in New Zealand was in 2018. Zenith Campbell was murdered by Paddy Woods, his long-time boyfriend. Since Campbell’s death, however, two transgender New Zealanders have been charged with violent crimes — one of whom tortured a young girl to death.

On social media, Rubashkyn boasted of the attack on Keen, leading many women’s rights advocates to hone in on his Twitter feed.

The images of Rubashkyn at the United Nations were first revealed by women’s rights advocates, and then quickly shared by popular detransitioner Oli London,.

While many were shocked by Rubashkyn’s presence at the United Nations on International Women’s Day, his connections with the intergovernmental organization date back years.

While a student studying at the Taipei Medical University in September of 2013, Rubashkyn visited Hong Kong to update his passport. He had begun taking estrogen the year prior and wanted to update his photograph, but the Colombian consulate in Hong Kong was the closest place he could do it. 

After arriving in Hong Kong, Rubashkyn claims he was subjected to mistreatment by the Hong Kong border authorities, and contacted the UN High Commissioner for Refugees through Amnesty International. The High Commissioner provided Rubashkyn protection under the stipulation he surrender his passport, at which point he was allowed to enter the country.

Without a passport, Rubashkyn became a stateless person, and was effectively stuck in Hong Kong for several months where he faced deportation back to Colombia. While in Hong Kong, Rubashkyn fought to have his legal gender marker changed to “female” in contravention of Hong Kong law, which stipulated that a person must go through genital alteration prior to being legally recognized as the opposite sex. In April of 2014, with the assistance of the United Nations, he became the first transgender person to be recognized as his self-declared “gender” in Hong Kong despite not having undergone any surgeries.

By late 2014, Rubashkyn had been moved to New Zealand where he then fought for refugee status and was granted asylum in May of 2014. The next year, he paid for his Israeli boyfriend to meet him in Auckland where the two married while Rubashkyn studied at a local university. 

According to his LinkedIn, Rubashkyn currently works as a pharmacist, and he is also a Gender Identity, Gender Expression and Sex Characteristics Officer with the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans, and Intersex Association via the United Nations.

It is currently unclear what actions, if any, will be taken against Rubashkyn for his attack on Kellie-Jay Keen during the March 25 demonstration. According to the New Zealand Crimes Act 1961, Rubashkyn may have committed assault when he threw tomato juice on Keen and her security guard. The legal definition of assault is very broad in New Zealand, covering any situation where an individual directly or indirectly applies force against another person’s body. Community Law New Zealandnotes that this “includes when you do this indirectly – by throwing something for example.”

But despite Rubashkyn admitting to the act, the Prime Minister of New Zealand has refused to state whether any assaults committed during the Let Women Speak demonstration will be properly investigated by police.

During a press conference today, The Platform reporter Sean Plunket asked PM Chris Hipkins if he could give “general assurance” that justice would be pursued. 

“Those are matters for the commissioner of police,” Hipkins responded curtly, re-stating the line when pressed further.

By Genevieve Gluck

Genevieve is the Co-Founder of Reduxx, and the outlet's Chief Investigative Journalist with a focused interest in pornography, sexual predators, and fetish subcultures. She is the creator of the podcast Women's Voices, which features news commentary and interviews regarding women's rights.

Of all people they could have quoted why did it have to be Oli London? Couldn’t they find a detransitioned person with less controversy?

[darkaviarymc]

Hermit cubito gender and presentation headcanons

These are just my headcanons, agree or disagree, it's all in good fun.

Iskall: Nonbinary, any pronouns. He usually defaults to he/him because it's simpler that way, so a lot of people don't realize he's not exclusively he/him. Lately, they've taken to giving out a different set of pronouns every time she introduces itself just to watch the chaos unfold (especially with the new guys) Cleo caught on pretty quickly to what Iskall was doing and intentionally helped confuse people even more.

Cleo: Gender apathetic, she/they, doesn't consider herself nonbinary but also doesn't like to be called cis. They're what you get when you order "woman" off of Wish, and she's fine with that.

Xisuma: Literally the he/they version of Cleo.

Stress: The proudest trans woman to have ever trans womaned. That color scheme is not an accident. She used to be stealth, so when she told everyone she was trans, they thought she meant the opposite direction, and she had to clarify that no, she's been a trans woman this entire time.

Etho: Skiny twink trans man. The mask used to be because of disphoria because he thought his lips were too feminine, but now it's become so much a part of his presentation that even after hrt fixed the "problem" he can't let go of it. It's the kleenex box of gender euphoria.

Cub: Trans man. He wanted hrt to turn him into a bear, but he just couldn't manage to grow enough hair to qualify (the season 7 beard was fake). He's still fat and sexy, though, and he can live with that.

Grian: Cis+. He thought maybe he was transfem to some degree at one point and explored that through drag. Turns out, nope. He just has trauma. Once he worked through that trauma, cross-dressing became a way to genuinely express his feminine energy. He's a guy, except for when being a girl is funny. He's committed to the bit way more than to his gender.

Scar: Cis, but doesn't understand why clothes need to have genders. Does he look hot in it? Yes? Awesome, let's wear that dress. He doesn't like the term gnc or consider what he does cross-dressing because that would imply that he's wearing something not meant for men, and clothes are meant for everyone!

Mumbo: Very stubborn egg. He's almost certainly agender, but look at that fabulous mustache! Nothing makes a man a man more than a fabulous mustache, right? He's a man... whatever that actually means. Suits are manly, right? See? He's so manly of a man! Anyway, here's Wonderwall...

Impulse: Agender, he/him, most people don't know. He's not closeted or anything, he's just too busy to come out. He has farms to build! His lack of gender is the last thing on his mind. He does, in fact, realize that the nonbinary flag could be color picked from his outfit, and he finds that funny.

Doc: Intersex, he/him. He certainly identifies more with the "masculine" end of the gender spectrum. What could possibly be more manly than than a butterfly filled with explosives! Males of many animal species are supposed to be the brightly colored ones! You're all just narrow-minded and jealous!

Jevin: He/him or it/its. Slimes don't have genders or sexes. People started using he/him for him because it was the societal default, and he didn't question it for a long time. Recently, it's been liking the sound of it/its, as that more accurately represents its sense of self.

[cow-dyke]

Ocean (S.R.)

Summary: The reader can’t seem to love herself. Spencer lets her in on how amazing she really is.

Pair: Intersex!Fem!Reader + Spencer Reid

Category: Comfort

Content Warnings: Internalized intersexism/transphobia, insecurities (common masculine features, body hair, and being overweight), self-hatred. 

Word Count: 600

Note: Happy Pride month! I am writing this blurb for @the-guilty-writer ‘s writing challenge! This character is loosely based on me and my struggle with being someone with PCOS. PCOS being acknowledged in the intersex community has helped me better understand myself. I don’t usually see it being represented (PCOS or intersexuality) so I decided to write this. Also, I wrote the reader with the intention of her being an intersex woman but there is nothing stopping you from thinking she is transfeminine. This is the first fanfic I have written so please don’t judge me if it is not the greatest. Hope you enjoy it!

I love daisies. I love their white petals growing out of the yellow base with their fine stem under the sun so gracefully. I wish I was like a daisy: delicate, elegant, petite, and pretty.

I looked in the mirror at myself not being able to get over what I saw. I always wanted to be a pretty girl. That is all. All I wanted was a hairless body, a feminine physique, and most of all, to be a normal girl. But I am not, and I don’t want to accept that. I never understood why I was created this way. I mean, I know why I am like this but not why it had to be me. Why did I have to be the girl who could grow a beard and have hair all over her body and male-like features? Why couldn’t I be like a daisy? Why can’t I be naturally feminine?

By this time, I stopped looking at my body and went to the bedroom where Spencer lay awaiting me. Spencer, being the profiler he is, could sense my lack of confidence. As I crawled into bed with him, he immediately embraced me in his arms with the warmth of his body.

“I can tell something is wrong” he states.

“It’s nothing Spencer” I replied.

“No, I don’t think so. Please be honest with me. I want to make you feel better.”

I wiggle out of his arms and sit up straight as he does the same. As hard as it is, I owned up to my inner thoughts.  

“I don’t feel good about the way I look. I don’t feel like a real woman. I see women all the time on the streets, at my job, in magazines, and on TV who just look so perfect. They have thin bodies, smooth skin, and most of all…they’re so feminine. Like, naturally feminine. They don’t need to even try. And…I’m just nothing like them.”

Spencer takes a second to process what I had said but I can tell he understands. He always does.

“You know, a flower and the ocean are both beautiful, but they're nowhere near the same. To me, you're like the ocean.”

He pauses to stroke my hair. “You're strong, wondrous, mesmerizing, and even though you might not believe it…beautiful. Other people's appearance doesn't change how gorgeous you are. You don’t need to look like anyone else to be pretty in my eyes.”  

Spencer lets his hand fall to my arm covered with the coat I was ashamed of. He caressed it, showing me love for the parts of myself which I had a hard time appreciating.

“And, maybe my opinion doesn’t matter, but I think the ocean is much more captivating than a flower.”

Maybe I’m not a daisy. Maybe I am not like all the other women I wish I was, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be something else that is just as lovely; like the ocean. I didn’t say anything in response, but I got closer to Spencer and laid into his chest. He accepted my form of gratitude and let me into his home of peace.

From this, I learned to love the ocean. I love its variation of blue complexions as it flows throughout the earth, making waves and sheltering many kinds of creations. I learned to love myself.

[wanderingandfound]

Icarus by K. Ancrum spoilers below the cut.

So, the book constantly points out that Icarus looks and moves like his father. Has been trained to have the same skills. Has the same medical condition. At the very beginning Icarus says he's ugly because he looks like his father and is father is ugly.

(Helios also looks like his father, but other than that I don't think similarities between them are specifically emphasized.)

Both of these fathers are bad fathers and bad men. But Icarus father does love Icarus, although that does not negate the neglect and abuse he put Icarus through.

Anyways, one of their similarities is that when someone they love nervously confesses a hidden part of their identity — braced for rejection — both Icarus and his father Angus have similar responses.

Here we have Helios revealing to Icarus that he's intersex:

And here we have Icarus letting Angus figure out that the person he's in love with is a man (context: they're Catholic but don't go to church because (I think) there aren't Catholic churches in their town, but also the practices of Catholicism Angus raised Icarus in seem... um... off, but I've never been Catholic):

They are both gentle about it, they both are aware of the vulnerability of the moment. Both of them reassure the person they love that this would never make a difference in their feelings, and that it shouldn't ever make a difference, without implying that the person revealing a hidden part of themself had no reason to be scared.

And both Icarus and Angus give the reason that being intersex and queer are normal because of their presence in art history.

There is probably something to be said that Icarus compares Helios to works of art, while Angus compares Icarus to artists. The obvious answer is that intersex conditions (specifically very rare ones where someone has fully developed both form of external genitalia*) have been represented more in art, being treated more as a theological hypothetical or metaphor than a state real mortals can exist in, and intersex artists historically probably kept such info to themselves if they knew. Whereas it's easier to state that historical figures with patterns of behavior were queer than it is to discern that from a single image. But there's probably a more symbolic reading one could get out of this contrast.

I don't have a conclusion. I don't think that being similar in this aspect of showing love means that Icarus is doomed to treat any children he may have the same way Angus treated him. But it's been sticking with me for days and I wanted to show other people.

*My reading of this scene is that Helios has ambiguous genitalia but in case I'm reading this wrong because Ancrum's writing is poetic and sometimes I misinterpret subtleties, and he is supposed to look like the philosophical/theological "hermaphrodite", I just want to point out that Ancrum herself is intersex and well aware that it's an umbrella category that covers far more than this one presentation.

[tolkien-feels]

For the ask game, would you do Gilraen and Gil-Galad, please?

Oh, great choices, these are fun

Gilraen

Sexuality Headcanon: She identifies as straight, but bi would probably be more accurate because she has had a few short-lived crushes on genders other than male

Gender Headcanon: Cis woman, but she does gender on her own terms

A ship I have with said character: Arathorn because I am basic like that

A BROTP I have with said character: ELROND AND I DON'T KNOW WHY THAT'S NOT A FANDOM FAVORITE. Aragorn, of course. Just... Rivendell in general. And the Dunedain in general even more strongly.

A NOTP I have with said character: I have never actually seen it in the wild, but Elrond, if I ever find it

A random headcanon: She's absolutely spectacular at astronomy and meteorology. One of the main ways she grounds herself through her many tragedies is by keeping a journal where she notes the placement of the stars at night and the weather during day.

General Opinion over said character: I love her and find her very underrated. In particular, I find it a shame many people seem to assume she would have a bland, nondescript motherly personality when her personality seems to be very strong and unique given the little we know about her

Gil-galad

Sexuality Headcanon: First of all, he is married to his job. Secondly: sex-favorable ace, pan-demiromantic and he finds that very distressing (should he try to be convincing himself to find himself a spouse, for the sake of PR??? Heirs at least can be adopted if necessary, but spouses?????)

Gender Headcanon: You know when you have an internet friend who disappears off the face of the internet one day and you just hope they are fine? One such friend of mine once proposed male-presenting, enby-identifying intersex Gil-galad and I think it's brilliant for a myriad of reasons

A ship I have with said character: I've had a thing for the concept of Gil-galad/Celebrimbor for many years, but besides that, I would say I tend not to ship Gil-galad to anyone.

A BROTP I have with said character: The whole White Council + Elros (briefly), Celebrian, Celebrimbor and Elendil. Occasionally, I brotp ship him and other characters too, but these are the main ones. Oh, Elwing, sometimes, depending on my mood.

A NOTP I have with said character: None? I mean, Elrond, I guess, but it's less "I can't stand it" and more "you'll have to do a lot of work to sell me on it"

A random headcanon: Super controversial but: I headcanon he fits the criteria for clinical anxiety, which is fairly rare, statistically speaking, among elves (depression on the other hand is over-represented.) And because the world isn't perpetually on fire in the Second Age, he actually gets accommodations for it for much of his reign (war makes things... difficult. For everyone.)

General Opinion over said character: I'm one of the five people on the internet who literally doesn't care who Gil-galad's parents are (meaning, any option can work for me with very little work). But putting that aside, I agree with the fandom: he's a fascinating character and should get more fanon content to make up for the very little canon we get

[n1ko-whoisdefinatelynotacat]

more out of canon, back to the [Redacted Lore]

Bout to give you all official bios for each of these characters, including [Redacted]. Here we goooo

True Name: Shalara

Chosen name: Riptide

Age: 15 at Death

Gender: Afab Demi-girl (she/they)

Orientation: Omni-romantic asexual

Romantic partner: none

Species: Water Drake

Magic: Entirely water based

Role within group: Water savior, the healer of the group, due to their magic being best for healing.

Relation with [Redacted]: a childhood friend

Death: She died first, when she fell off a cliff into the deep ocean, which effectively crystallized her body, unlocking a part of the puzzle for [Redacted].

True name: Magrieus

Chosen name: Zircon

Age: 13 at death

Gender: Non-binary (they/them)

Orientation: AroAce

Romantic Partner: none

Species: Ram/Fire Imp hybrid

Magic: Fire/Magma based

Role within group: They were the one typically fighting up close, given their magic. They also often would help those in the group who’s magic was better suited for other things stay safe during battle

Relation with [Redacted]: A childhood friend of [Redacted], who often was around because they were younger and [Redacted] baby-sat them with some of the others

Death: They died second. Magrieus sacrificed themself during a major fight, by using their magic to force a volcanic eruption. This resulted in another piece of the puzzle being unlocked for [Redacted].

True name: Fulteins

Chosen Name: Shockwave

Age: 17 at death

Gender: Female (she/her)

Orientation: Pansexual

Romantic partner: Un-named significant other (passed around the start of the calamity)

Species: Energy drake

Magic: Energy/Electricity based

Role within group: She was the leader of the group, taking that position as she was the oldest and most mature. She was also pretty good at strategy, and used that to her advantage. Her magic was also well suited for attack, so along with Magrieus, she usually was right up close with any enemy, protecting the other three who weren’t best suited for attack magic wise.

Relation with [Redacted]: much like [Redacted] Watched Magrieus when they were young, Fultein watched [Redacted]. When the calamity first began, Fultein ended up taking a sort of mother role towards [Redacted], because [Redacted]’s family was lost. It’s because of this that Fultein’s death may have effected [Redacted] the most.

Death: Fultein died third. When they were making a mad dash to get away from the enemy, Feltein understood the symbol that represented her, and turned around. She effectively struck herself with lightning, using that to wipe out all of the attackers. This sort of petrified her body, turning her into a statue. This statue also is cracked into somewhat even halves, because of the lightning strike. It was not a pleasant sight.

True name: Astris

Chosen name: Gemstone

Age: 16 at death

Gender: Intersex

Orientation: Panromantic asexual

Romantic Partner: [Redacted]

Species: Star Striker (a species thought to originally have come from the Stars. They all possess a star shaped gem somewhere on their body, but the colors are random. Yellow is the rarest one. Yes this is a Steven universe reference)

Magic: space and star based

Role within the group: Astris was the one who handled defense, due to their magic being well suited for defensive type spells like shield spells. They were often helping Shalara stay safe while doing healing spells, or keeping eyes off of [Redacted] while they were being sneaky.

Relation to [Redacted]: Astris was a childhood friend to [Redacted], but as the two got older it ended up evolving into something more. They got together only a year before the calamity occurred. Their death may also have effected [Redacted] the most.

Death: Astris died last. They realized that in order for [Redacted] to finish the prophecy, they had to do the thing many of the members of their society said could only be done by anyone with a yellow gem. They had to become a star. So, the two went to the highest mountain in the region, where the sacred grounds of their people were, and after saying goodbye to [Redacted], finally became a star.

True name: Unknown

Chosen name: [Redacted]

Age: 16 at the time of the calamity, mid 20’s now (I’m gonna have you people do math. When the simulation first started, [Redacted] was 17. When they got Niko out, they were 18. Niko was 8. They meet Niko again when they are 14. 1 year has passed since then.)

Gender: Trans Masc (He/they/it)

Orientation: Biromantic asexual

Romantic partner: currently none, but at one time Astris was.

Species: Avian

Magic: Entirely light based

Role within group: [Redacted] took on any and all stealth missions, due to their magic allowing them to refract light and render himself invisible. It also often tried to help in fights, but their magic wasn’t great for that, so they usually tried to be sneaky during fights.

Fulfillment of prophecy: [Redacted] was the last one standing in the group. When the others had died, they headed to the center of the region, and found a brilliant light. Using their wings, they headed as far up into the sky as they could, and held it as high above their head as they could. This destroyed the attacking group, and stopped the calamity. [Redacted] is now regarded as a hero because of this, but now is not usually in their home world.

[wildjuniperjones]

FebruarOC 1: A is for Anya

Annika Kovalev, better known as Anya, is an androgynous, intersex elf living in Maple Grove, Cascadia. They use they/them pronouns, and are still in their "youth" phase of elven life, as they are less than 100 years old. During this time, most elves are rebellious, revolutionary, and do their best to break as many taboos as possible.

Anya is considered a native Cascadian, but their family was originally from Russia. Their parents aren't covered within the scope of Bonds of Trust, but it's safe to say that they're very conservative and would probably disapprove of Anya's lifestyle.

Anya works as a photographer for Lusti, a lingerie and sex toy company, but it's actually not their main source of income. They have an aether portal (website) set up for cam shows, and regularly review products that Lusti sells and model them for viewers - live. It makes the rent, and they enjoy the attention.

Their relationship with Sere Nagari (femme lead) is intensely close friendship - well, let's be honest here. For Sere, it's friendship. For Anya... They've slowly fallen in love with the succubus over the year they've lived together, and regularly help her with getting prepared for the dominatrix gigs she started taking on at their suggestion. After all, it pays better than the more reliable modeling work she does, and Sere seemed far too uncomfortable with the idea of working in a proper dungeon like at Sirena, the local strip club/brothel. Plus, it doesn't hurt that she seems to have a knack for it, even if it's not really Anya's cup of tea. (Not that they dislike BDSM, it's just not their forte.)

Anya, obviously, doesn't like Leo. They don't like what he represents, that he's stealing their Sere away. But beyond that, they know that he's hiding something, and while Sere can explain it away, it doesn't sit right with them.

As the author, I love writing Anya. Their witty rejoinders and shameless behavior is refreshing when I'm writing about the much more tame (in certain senses) Sere & Leo. Some of my favorite scenes include them prominently, and since I have other stories in mind for this world, I may try to feature them a bit more.

Originally, Anya was Arana, a much less witty elf healer with psychic powers (Sere also had psychic powers, which ended up being not so conducive to a romance novel). They acted as a mentor to Sere in developing her own powers and -uh- relieving some of her (sexual) tensions when dealing with the much longer slow burn between herself and Leo.

See all FebruarOC entries here!

[snow4berry]

We need to spread the message that the rainbow flag represents the entire LGBTQ+ community, because people are forgetting. I had a conversation with a friend (who is LGBTQ+ herself) yesterday who thought the rainbow flag only represented gay and lesbian people whereas the progress flag represented the whole LGBTQ+ community. This is not true. The rainbow flag represents the whole LGBTQ+ community, while the progress flag emphasises parts of the community which are often overlooked (trans people, poc, and intersex people in newer versions).

"The rainbow flag is a symbol of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) and queer pride and LGBT social movements. Also known as the gay pride flag or LGBT pride flag, the colors reflect the diversity of the LGBT community and the spectrum of human sexuality and gender." -- Wikipedia

"The Rainbow Flag emoji 🏳️‍🌈 portrays a rainbow flag, a flag with six stripes of the rainbow. This particular flag is used to represent the LGBTQ community and is used to express Pride in this community." -- dictionary.com

"The rainbow flag representing the LGBTQA+ community" -- unco.edu

So again, if you are anywhere in the LGBTQ+ umbrella, then this flag represents you 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

[a-room-of-my-own]

A while before the latest hoo-ha about Judith Butler, I had just been reading her again. Though she claims her critics have not read her, this simply isn’t the case. I read Gender Trouble when it first came out and it was important at the time . That time was long,long ago. She was just one of the many ‘post-structuralist’ thinkers I was into. I would trip off to see  Luce Irigaray or Derrida whenever they appeared.

I got an interview  with Baudrillard and tried to sell it to The Guardian but they  didn’t know who he was so its fair to say I was fairly immersed in that world of theory.  For a while, I had a part time lecturing job so I had to keep on top of it. Though Butler’s idea of gender as performance was not new , it was interesting.  RuPaul said it so much more clearly in a  quote nicked from  someone else “Honey ,we are born naked, the rest is drag”

What I was looking for again , I guess is not any clarity – her writing is famously and deliberately difficult-  but whether there was ever any sense of the material body. She wrote herself in 2004 “I confess however I am not a very good materialist. Every time I try to write about the body, the writing ends up being about language” . 

Butler from on high ,cannot really think about the body at all which is why they (Butler’s chosen pronoun) are now the high priestess of a particular kind of trans ideology.  The men who worship Butler are not versed in high theory. The fox botherer had a “brain swoon” at some very ordinary things Butler said. Mr Right Side of history nodded along in an interview. Clearly neither of these men are versed in any of this philosophy and would be better off sticking to tax law and the decline of the Labour Party. Butler is simply a totem for them.

Butler said in the Guardian interview for instance  “Gender is an assignment that does not just happen once: it is ongoing. We are assigned a sex at birth and then a slew of expectations follow which continue to “assign” gender to us.”

So yeah? That’s a fairly basic view of the social construction of gender though I take issue with the assigned at birth thing ,which I will come back to and why I started reading her again in the first place.

This phrase “Assigned sex at birth” is now common parlance but simply does not make sense  to me. I am living with someone who is pregnant. I have given birth three times and been a birthing  partner. I know where babies come from. There is a deep disconnect here between language and reality which no amount of academic jargon can obliterate. 

Babies  come from bodies. Not any bodies but bodies that have a uterus. They grew inside a woman’s body until they  get pushed out or dragged out into the world. 

The facts of life that we are now to be liberated from in the form of denial. Only one sex can have babies but we must now somehow not say that. The pregnant “people” of Texas will now be forced into giving birth to children they don’t want because they are simply “host bodies”. The language of patriarchal supremacy and that of some of the trans ideologues is remarkably close, as is their biological ignorance.

There is no foetal heatbeat at six weeks for instance. When a baby is born , doctors and midwives do not randomly assign a sex, they observe it and they do it though genitalia. 

There is a question over a tiny percentage of babies ,less that one percent with DSDs but even then they are sexed with doctors having  difficult conversations with parents about what may happen later.

Somehow, though when I read the way in which this is now all discussed it is clear to me that the people talking have never been pregnant, never had a foetal scan, never been near a birth , never miscarried, do not understand that even with a still birth babies are still sexed and often named. 

If you want to know the sex of your baby you can pay privately and know at 7 weeks ((*49-56 days from the first day of the mother’s last menstrual cycle). A 12 week scan will show it. That is why so many female foetuses are aborted . I have reported on this. 

Talking to paediatricians about this is interesting because they do indeed have to think through these things that we are being told are not real eg. that sex is just a by-product of colonialism for instance.  Sometimes pre-conception , geneticists will be looking at chromosomes because certain diseases are more likely in men or women. Males have a higher risk of haemophilia for instance.  

One doctor told me “When babies are premature, the survival advantage of females over males is well known throughout neonatology. This is sometimes something we talk about with parents when there is threatened premature labour around 23 weeks' gestation and options to discuss about resuscitation and medical interventions. In fertility treatment (or counselling around fertility in the context of medical treatments) it is pretty inherent to know whether we need to plan around sperm, or ova + pregnancy.”

She also said that if she involved in a birth that “assigning” isn’t the word she world use. “Observed genitals a highly reliable observation, just like measuring weight or head circumference which is also done at this time. “ Another doctor said that anyone involved with a trans man giving birth  would be doing the best for the patient in front  of them. 

Sex then is biological fact. A female baby will have all the eggs she will ever have when she is first born which is kind of amazing. It is not bio-essentialist to say that our sexed bodies are different nor is it transphobic to recognise it.

Except of course in my old newspaper ,The Guardian who are now so hamstrung by their  own ideology they have got their knickers in such a twist they can barely walk.  They completely misreported the WiSpa incident , basically ignored the Sonia  Appleby  judgement at the Tavistock. Appleby was a whistle blower ,a respected professional concerned with safe guarding. She won her case. The cherry on the cake this week was an interview with Butler, themselves (?) in which they went on about Terfs being fascists and needing to extend the category of women.

Does anyone EVER stop to think that most gender critical women are of the left, supporters of gay rights, often lesbian and that this is not America? We are not in bed with the far right. This is bollocks. Just another way to dismiss us.  

As we watch Afghanistan and Texas ,to say Butler’s words were tone deaf is to say the least. But they didn’t even have the guts to keep the most offensive stuff in the piece and overnight edited it out without really explaining why : the bits where Butler described gender critical people as fascist. Perhaps because the person their “reporters” had  defended against  transphobia at WiSpa turned out to be a known sex offender,  perhaps because someone pointed out that Butler was throwing around the word fascist rather like Rik Mayall used to do in the Young Ones. 

All of this is rather desperate and readers deserve better. When I left that newspaper I said that I thought and expected editors to stand up for their writers in public. Instead they go into some catatonic paralysis. I may have not liked this interview but it should never have been cut. Stand by what you publish or your credibility is shot.

But this is about more than Judith Butler and their refusal to support women . Butler is not really any kind of feminist at all. What this is about is the large edifice of trans ideology  crumbling when any real analysis is applied. Yes, I have read Shon Faye’s book and there are some interesting points in it and I totally agree that the lives of trans people should be easier and health care better . I have never said anything but that.

What Faye does in the book is say that there can be no trans liberation under capitalism so there will be a bit of a wait I suspect. 

Yet surely it is the other way round and what we are seeing is that trans ideology (not trans people – I am making a distinction here ) represent the apex of capitalism .

For it means that the individual decides their own gendered essence and then spends a fortune on surgery and a lifetime on medication to achieve the appearance of it. Of course lots of people spend a lifetime  on medication but not out of choice.  Marx understood very well that the abolition of our system of production would free up women.

Now it is all about freeing up men. Who say they are women. Quelle surprise.  

 Nussbaum’s famous take down of Butler is premised exactly on the sense of individual versus collective struggle “ The great tragedy in the new feminist theory in America is the loss of a sense of public commitment. In this sense, Butler’s self-involved feminism is extremely American, and it is not surprising that it has caught on here, where successful middle-class people prefer to focus on cultivating the self rather than thinking in a way that helps the material condition of others. “

Such thinking now dominates academia. There is simply an unquestioning  rehearsal of something most of know not to be true thus Amia Srinivasan writes in The Right to Sex  “At birth, bodies are sorted as ‘male’ or ‘female’, though many bodies must be mutilated to fit one category or the other, and many bodies will later protest against the decision that was made. This originary division determines what social purpose a body will be assigned.”

What does ‘sorted’ mean here? A tiny number of intersex babies are born. A tiny number of people are trans and decide to change their bodies. The feminist demand to challenge gender norms without mutilating any one’s body no longer matters. What matters now is this retrograde return  to some gendered soul. This is not something any decent Marxist would have any truck with . Of course one may change over a lifetime and of course gender is never ‘settled.’ We are complex people who inhabit bodies that often don’t work or appear as we want them to.

But not only is there a denial of basic Marxism going on here , what becomes ever more apparent is  that there is a denial of motherhood. Butler said “Yet gender is also what is made along the way – we can take over the power of assignment, make it into self-assignment, which can include sex reassignment at a legal and medical level.”

Self-assignment is key . One may birth oneself. No longer of woman born but self -made. This is a theoretical leap but it also one that has profound implications for women as a sex class. We are really then, just the  host bodies to a new breed of people who self-assign.

Maybe that is the future although look around the word and there isn’t a lot of self-assignment going on. There are simply women shot and beaten in the street, choked to death or having  their rights taken  away. There is no identifying out of this , there is no fluidity here . This is not discourse. It is brutality and do we not have some responsibility to other women to confront male violence ?

Instead the hatred is aided and abetted by so called philosophers describing  other women as Terfs. It is utterly depressing.

The sexed body. The pregnant body. The dying body. The body is in trouble when we can’t talk about it . I thought of Margaret Mary O’Hara’s  beautiful and  strange lyrics and what they might mean. I await my child’s return from the hospital as hers is a difficult pregnancy and thank god they are on the case. The sex of the child she carries does not matter to me at all .

It simply exists. Not in language but within a body. 

Why is that so difficult to acknowledge? 

[coochiequeens]

Another trans identified male sex offender is could be moved to a Women’s prison

A convicted sex offender in Connecticut is now requesting transfer to the state’s only correctional facility for women after abruptly declaring an “intersex” identity. Brandy Wood, 28, has a lengthy history of sexual crimes against minors.

In 2015, Wood was convicted on two counts of risk of injury to a minor and second-degree sexual assault of a minor for “forcible sexual contact with a 15-year-old female.” He was released from custody and was on parole when he committed yet another offense against a minor.

On January 4, Wood pleaded no contest at the New London Superior Court to the charge of risk of injury to a minor.

Assistant State’s Attorney Theresa Anne Ferryman told the court on Wednesday that Wood, in the new criminal case, engaged in an inappropriate online relationship with a 13-year-old girl in Park City, Utah during the summer of 2021, as reported by local news outlet The Day.

Wood targeted the young girl through FaceTime, SnapChat, and a notorious video-chatting website frequently used by sexual predators called Omegle. According to police youth investigator Joseph Buzzelli, Wood sent pornographic videos and photos of himself to the victim and encouraged her to reciprocate by sending nude photos of herself.

Police said Wood masturbated in front of the girl and bought her presents, including a “full-body fur suit,” which were delivered directly to her home in Park City. The arrival of the fur suit was the incident that first alerted the victim’s parents to the situation, according to the arrest affidavit.

During a police interview, the girl told authorities that Wood had “both a penis and a vagina.” However, law enforcement officials discovered photos of Wood wearing a latex full-body suit designed to resemble a woman, which could account for the child’s confusion regarding Wood’s anatomy.

The victim told police Wood had threatened her during his attempt to obtain nude photos and videos. 

Wood claimed to be a private investigator, knew the victim’s address and said he would “get on a plane and come find her,” as stated in the arrest warrant affidavit. In one exchange, Wood told the victim “if you don’t send me nudes I’m going to come to your house and have sex with you.”

Reduxx found that Wood also claimed to be a private investigator on his LinkedIn account, and has registered a business ostensibly dedicated to service dog training called Connecticut K9 Support Services, LLC. 

The residence address on file for the business is that of a sex offender treatment program in Uncasville, but Wood had posted several job advertisements seeking a volunteer.

“Connecticut K9 Support Services LLC in New London, CT is offering one volunteer position to join our team,” Wood wrote in a now-deleted listing on Tarta. “Our ideal candidate is a self-starter, motivated, and reliable. this position is an opportunity to grow your knowledge in the K9 training and care field as well as the Private Investigative field. after 6 months of volunteering you will be given the option for a part-time or full-time paid position. We are seeking motivated, dog loving, honest, loyal, reliable.”

Attorney Michael Miller, the public defender representing Wood, told the court on Wednesday he intends to request that Wood be housed at York Correctional Institution in Niantic, the state’s only women’s prison. 

Currently, Wood is being held in the Cheshire Correctional Institution for men.

The state’s sexual offender registry lists Wood’s biological sex as “female,” and provides numerous aliases for him such as as Kyle Bailey, Steven Bennett, and Kunani-Brandy Moana Kalakaua-Wood.

Wood is expected to be handed a sentence of 10 years, suspended after 30 months in prison, followed by five years of probation and an undetermined period of time on the state’s sexual offender registry if convicted. 

Attorney for the state Anne Ferryman told the court that the victim’s family is not satisfied with the expected prison sentence. The victim’s parents have told police that the girl was left “feeling suicidal” after the ordeal and is currently receiving psychiatric treatment.

Wood’s lawyer asserted in court that he would pursue his client’s transfer to the women’s prison on March 14, but Judge Hillary Strackbein responded by informing Miller that prison accommodations are ultimately decided by the state Department of Corrections (DOC).

In July of 2018, Connecticut became the first U.S. state to allow male inmates to be housed in female correctional institutions on the basis of a self-declared gender identity. 

The measure was attached to a bill intended to protect incarcerated pregnant women. Connecticut’s SB 13, “An Act Concerning Fair Treatment of Incarcerated Women,” expanded medical care requirements for pregnant inmates, but additionally stipulated that the DOC must “adhere to certain requirements that relate to the treatment and placement of inmates with a gender identity that differs from the inmate’s assigned sex at birth.”

Under the bill, any inmate who “who has a gender identity that differs from the inmate’s assigned sex at birth and has a diagnosis of gender dysphoria” must be addressed by their preferred pronouns, provided with clothing according to their “gender identity,” and be searched by correctional staff of “the same gender identity.”

By Genevieve Gluck Genevieve is the Co-Founder of Reduxx, and the outlet's Chief Investigative Journalist with a focused interest in pornography, sexual predators, and fetish subcultures. She is the creator of the podcast Women's Voices, which features news commentary and interviews regarding women's rights.

[queenboudicaa]

From Graham Linehan from The Glinner Update grahamlinehan@substack.com

Played The Fool

Sue Donym

Sep 16

I remember my college days studying journalism, which don't seem so long ago, but actually are now, and as a young eighteen year old, a friend gives me something she says explains gender. It is Judith Butler's Gender Trouble. I have heard of this book. People treat it like The Bible. I eagerly open the book and attempt to read it.

I cannot make heads or tails of it. I conclude I simply am not smart enough or well-read enough to understand the religious revelation. I make it to page sixty before giving up, the constant mentions of ‘Althusserian’ and ‘structuralist’ and ‘reifying’ finally defeating me. I don’t feel like any of the book has actually managed to lodge itself in my head.

I give the book back to my friend, and then I pretend to everyone around me that I have read the book. No one figures me out.

When I get older, I realize they all did the same thing.

In my senior year, I win election to student government. I am to represent ‘LGBT’ people. I am proud. I am unaware I am now standing on a cliff, the ground beneath me slowly breaking. I bury my head in the sand as my position becomes increasingly precarious.

I meet with faculty during the first semester. I read through a policy. Suddenly ‘LGBT’ has morphed. It’s ‘LGBTQI+’. I don’t know what the Q and I stand for, let alone that seemingly erroneous plus sign. I am supposed to be the expert, and all these middle-aged people are looking at me to explain the youth speak which is even bedeviling I, the putative youth. I muddle through, using this surprise new acronym, and then I Google it surreptitiously in the meeting. It means ‘Queer’ and ‘Intersex’, and the plus sign appears to be decorative in nature. I wonder what the Q covers that ‘LGBT’ doesn’t, let alone the God-damned plus sign, and I wonder why ‘intersex’ needs to be included at all.

They talk enthusiastically about how everyone has a gender. There are women with penises, men with vaginas. Gender is understood to be how you feel inside. I contort my mind around this way of thinking as best I can. A man is someone who behaves like a man, and a woman is someone who behaves like a woman. That is the working definition you have, even though you paper over it with phrases like ‘identifies as.’

I don’t think about. You can’t. You are told this is how it is, how it has always been, to think otherwise is actually you replicating the kyriarchy, over and over and over again, and you nod and accept it, because you are given this set of facts and told to nod. Pseudoscience justifies it. People talk about ‘brain scans’ and ‘the wrong bodymap’, and ‘indigenous genders’. It’s all conjectural bullshit, but everyone goes along with it.

When I can’t perform the cognitive contortions, I simply don’t acknowledge contradicting evidence. To do so would be to jump off a cliff into an abyss. It is a reflexive thing, unconscious, and its origins lie in the instinct for self-preservation.

Everyone goes along with it. I am a coward, so I accept it and move on. I am twenty two years old, and I don’t know any better, and I want to trust the organizations that say they hold my best interests at heart.

Part of my role on student government was providing student-based pastoral care in my college’s LGBT center. By the time I get there, it’s morphed into the LGBTQI+ Center. I consider myself even-keeled and well-adjusted, perfect to help ‘my people’.

Many of the people that come see me have fairly normal problems. I speak to lecturers about not being homophobic, meet with faculty about LGBTQI issues, and sit through interminably boring student government meetings full of bloviating Young Democrats self-assured about their future self-importance. Increasingly, more people come to speak to me about trans issues. Walking through the center one day, someone assumes I am a ‘pre-hormones trans man’. When I correct them, and say I am a butch lesbian, they suddenly become hostile. I don’t know why, but I feel offended to my very bones about being assumed to be a man.

More and more of my fellow butches suddenly start declaring themselves to ‘truly be men.’ I don’t think about this. You’re not supposed to think about it, or question them, just accept and affirm and acknowledge and adulate their new found authenticity. I get a new package of fliers from an LGBT charity, open them up, and suddenly find that I, simply defined as ‘butch’ (forget the lesbian!) am now supposedly ‘trans’ and under the ‘trans umbrella.’ I call this ridiculous, and loudly.

Someone pulls me aside to ask why I’m being so transphobic.

I meet with a charity group. They have this young woman on staff who declares herself ‘non-binary’ and uses ‘they/them’ pronouns. She does not strike me as gay, and her entire purview of ‘LGBT’ seems to forget the first three letters. She assumes that I am a trans man. When I tell her I am a lesbian, she asks ‘are you sure? Maybe you’ll change your mind’. She then starts talking to me about her boyfriend.

I wonder why this straight girl with dyed hair is telling me what to do on gay issues. What gives her the right?

At the end of the meeting, someone I know from the charity group tells me that ‘Aiden’ is upset I forgot her pronouns. I hadn’t realized. I tell him that this dyed hair fag hag told me I’ll change my mind about being a lesbian. He says that doesn’t excuse messing up Aiden’s pronouns.

The next time I meet Aiden, she keeps calling me ‘he’. She gets upset when I get angry with her.

My student body president sends me a please explain email the next day about upsetting Aiden.

One day in the center, in walks a man in a dress. That’s what I thought in my unfiltered thoughts, before the cognitive dissonance kicks in. But the Aiden experience has taught me a lesson to not speak up. The man uses ~the magical pronouns~, ‘she/her’ and this means he is a woman. He dresses like a prostitute downtown and declares he’s a lesbian.

He says he is a trans woman. But Chloe is different from all the trans women I had met before. They would call themselves ‘gay men gone too far’, tell you hilarious stories, wingman for me at the bar, argue about ‘when Madonna went bad’, arguments that turned into handbag duels at dawn. Many of them were older, and many of them had stories about surviving in a homophobic world, surviving AIDS, dangerous johns, and the joy they felt now, that gay rights had gone somewhere. This man was very different to them.

My hair stands up on the back of my neck every time I deal with ‘Chloe’. It requires conscious effort to make sure I don’t mess up his pronouns, because my brain says that’s ‘a fucking man’, but my cognitive dissonance around the situation and my sense of self-preservation knows that if I don’t call this man a woman I will be in for it. I have seen the results - ‘Chloe’, all six feet of ‘Chloe’, screaming at a fellow trans woman, Clara, half his size, for saying ‘you’re a man honey’. Chloe himself came to me demanding I ban her from the space. I refused.

Clara stops coming into the center. I ask her why, and she says ‘those flipping transvestites, they’re not us.’ Clara never comes back to the center.

None of this thinking about Chloe’s pronouns is conscious. I feel guilty every time my thoughts use the ‘wrong pronouns’. My head is tied up in knots - not something freshman me would have considered, turning up to the center with the goal of getting laid, now trying to smile and put up with this man.

He makes every conversation in there uncomfortable. We relax when he is gone and only homosexuals are in the room.

Suddenly, my straight friends start asking if I’d ‘sleep with a trans woman’. I try laughing this off. One friend gets very insistent, and when I tell him that I wouldn’t consider someone with a dick, he starts wondering if my preferences are ‘rooted in bigotry’. I ask him if he’d sleep with a trans woman. He tells me that no, he’d prefer a woman who can have his children.

I smile and nod, and when the conversation ends, walk out of the room as fast as I can.

Chloe tells us at length about their sexual proclivities. Bondage and leather and ‘being a dom’. Chloe tells us about his lack of luck on lesbian dating apps. I keep to myself that I had ended up setting a height filter to filter out ‘the trannies.’ Nor do I tell him that me and a group of women had made fun of men like him on lesbian dating apps, swapping screenshots and Silence Of The Lambs jokes.

Soon there are more Chloes and fewer women. They all start talking about radical communism, about ‘sex work is work’, ‘cultural appropriation’, and about ‘TERFs’ and how hideous they are. One of them expounds to me at length why I shouldn’t read any feminist works from the seventies, because they hated trans women, and I wouldn’t want to hate trans women, wouldn’t I?

They all behave the same way. I keep getting reports about the Chloes harassing people in the center, particularly young lesbian women. Then there is an influx of ‘Aidens’, straight women declaring themselves to really be gay men. One of them tells me I am ‘appropriating the culture of trans men.’

One day I am in the center, and I look out the glass window of my office. There are a dozen people sitting in the common room of the center, talking animatedly. I realize none of them are lesbian or gay in the actual sense of the word. I feel uncomfortable, but I cannot articulate why I feel such discomfort.

One of the Chloes knocks on my door. This one wears a pink tube top and a pencil skirt. I am strongly reminded of Buffalo Bill. He asks me out for coffee. I decline. He asks why, as I am single. I say that I am busy that day. He tries asking for another day. I say I am playing club football that day. He keeps trying to cajole me. Eventually I dispense with the politeness and tell him I am not interested in him. He shouts at me that I am transphobic and leaves.

A few hours later, my phone blows up. His friends are calling me transphobic for not being interested in him. It’s just one date, they say. One little coffee. You might like it. You don’t know. Your last girlfriend dressed the same. You need to unlearn your genital preferences.

I think to myself my last girlfriend was a foot shorter and had a vagina, but I don’t say anything. I ignore the messages. He is allowed boundaries. I am not.

I am sitting in a class. It’s on sexual histories, a class I took to broaden my horizons from my journalism degree. I try not to think of the student loan I’ll be incurring from taking it.

Strangely enough, it is perhaps the first blow to the self-imposed contortions of my thoughts. The professor starts his lecture by pronouncing that sexual orientation is, in fact, a social construct. He explains that the word ‘homosexuality’ did not exist until the 19th century, and thus, homosexuals are a creation of repressive Victorian sexuality. I find this theory strange. I had grown up in the ‘born this way’ era, to be sure, but my homosexuality seemed biological, instinctual, basal to my very way of being. A powerful attraction to women came to me as naturally as breathing, or seeing, or farting inappropriately on the second date. Yet here was this man telling me, that in fact, my perceptions were merely constructs based on my surroundings.

It seemed strange to me. Someone from the class, notorious for asking questions, puts his hands up and asks about the Romans - you see, he is a student of the classics, and he remarks that the Romans knew of homosexuals. The professor gravely informs in that in fact the Romans were aware of a ‘behavior’, and that as ‘homosexual’ as a word did not exist at the time, there were no homosexuals. Only behaviors, that we codify and understand on a cultural basis.

This made less sense to me than before. It made even less sense to me when someone else asks about trans people. The professor remarks that ‘trans people have always existed’.

Yet homosexuals were invented by the first sexologists, rather than through self-definition? We had to have heterosexuals invent us, as other, first?

I am sitting with some gay friends, and one of them complains about the focus on trans issues when we still don’t have same-sex marriage federally yet. We talk about our disappearing spaces, and I voice that sometimes I am the only lesbian out of thirty people sitting in the LGBTQI+ student center (it had been renamed). I think of it in terms of getting laid - because suddenly all the ‘lesbians’ in the center had penises. It happened so quickly that it was easy to notice. I went to a lesbian group, and it was a sausage fest I made up an excuse to leave. The Chloes moved in, and the lesbians instantly left. I feel constantly uncomfortable, watched, stared at, envied. The Chloes all talk about their genitalia and violent pornography at length, in public, and it makes me feel gross and dirty, and I start to dislike most of them.

I post on my Tinder that I’m not into penis. I log in the next day to find out my account has been banned. Tinder never gives me a straight answer as to why I was banned.

I finish out my term on student government. I don’t run again. I’m a senior. I finish my degree and hurry off to the real world. One of the Chloes takes my place as ‘LGBTQI+ students representative’.

It is the one who tried getting me to go out on a date with him. He makes me feel uncomfortable throughout the whole handover.

I am upset, because he will destroy everything I worked for.

I go to the gay bar with some friends. But when we go, we feel like the only homosexuals in the whole god-damn bar. It’s full of people with dyed hair. A man in a dress tries grinding on me, and when I turn around and tell him no, he calls me ‘transphobic towards trans femmes’. When I declare I am a butch lesbian, people ask if I am a ‘TERF’. I don’t know what a ‘TERF’ is, other than ‘terfs’ are bad. I have been told terfs are bad, so it has to be true right? I don’t want to be a bad person.

I try going to other gay events, and suddenly I am outnumbered. Me, a few older lesbians, and some gay men huddle in a corner of spaces we once proudly called our own, as the Chloes and the Aidens declare it their own - and even worse, that they are just the same as us. It is unnerving, and they no longer feel like safe spaces for me. Gradually, we all stop going. There were no more gay people in the gay space.

I have a lesbian friend. She tells me excitedly about a first date. She meets them in a quirky coffee shop. It is a trans woman twice her size. When she tells the trans woman that she’s not interested, they lose it at her in the coffee shop, calling her a transphobic bigot and screaming and shouting and threatening to hit her.

She tells me, because she knows I don’t tell people things. But she cannot say anything in public. She’ll be transphobic. So she keeps it to herself, and this man gets to continue preying on women who think they’re safe, catfishing, coercing and abusing them.

To say otherwise gets you labelled a terf. And terfs are bad. Why are terfs bad? Don’t ask. Just accept that terfs are bad. Terfs hurt trans women, and you wouldn’t want to do that, would you?

Eventually, my friend hears of her date doing it to someone else. She writes a call out post, saying that you shouldn’t hide important facts about yourself on dating sites. She gets called a terf for saying that ‘lesbians don’t have dicks’, and being verbally abused in public was the rational response of an oppressed person to oppression. It’s a scarlet letter, and she is branded with it. I am a coward and I do not speak up in public. I hate myself. I am thinking of my personal prospects, and not my friend, and not my people. Because if I speak up, I can kiss the career I dream about goodbye. I fear that scarlet letter being branded on my forehead.

I tell my friend in private that I support her. But I daren’t say that in public.

I daren’t ask questions.

One day, I am aimlessly browsing the internet at work. I have written enough copy to cover my ass for the next few weeks. I wait until my boss leaves for the afternoon, and wait out the rest of the day mindlessly scrolling. I see a post in an LGBTQI+ students group on Facebook I’ve forgotten to leave. It’s a troll post, which is apparently ‘terf rhetoric’. The link is still there, and the comments are blowing up, united in performative outrage.

I click the link . I find myself laughing at the description of ‘men in dresses’. To these ‘terfs’, a man has a penis, and a woman has a vagina. Anyone saying otherwise is a damned fool. It seems such an easy way to think about it. I mean, what is a woman, anyway? It doesn’t seem evil, wicked or bad. It seems… sensible.

Finding out more about this new way of thinking becomes addicting. I keep my scrolling through it on my phone. I have always had a fondness for reading people being harshly critical about anything, and now I have an endless source of it, articulating things I knew instinctually but could never find the words to verbalize, could never find the courage to verbalize. I wonder if I am being radicalized - images of ISIS radicalizing fighters over the internet run through my head. But everything seems to make so much sense. I am no longer contorting my thoughts around the desires of others, but thinking freely, observationally, openly, fearlessly.

It felt like my mind had freed itself from chains, chains placed upon it all those years ago, when that naïve eighteen year old who wanted to get laid tried reading Gender Trouble.

The gunk on my mind slowly unclogged. My way of thinking suddenly changed. I was no longer denying what my eyes saw in front of me. No, now I saw things as they were. There was no more contorting my way of thought. For the first time in a long time, I felt clear-headed.

One of the links I clicked in my flurry was a link to Dr. Ray Blanchard’s paper on ‘autogynephilia’. I read it, and finally, I had an explanation. Homosexual transsexuals. And ‘autogynephiles.’ The two types of his famous and controversial typology.

‘Autogynephiles’ - men who had a sexual fetish for ‘being a woman’, a fetish for an alter-ego female self, a fetish for our bodies, our minds, our souls, our experiences. All reduced to jerk-off fodder for some blockhead man.

It explained why they were so desperate for lesbians to date them. They needed us for validating their sexual fetish. Our lives and experiences, our spaces, our dating apps, our culture, our media, our websites, every breath we took, as far as they were concerned, needed to be focused on validating them. Because otherwise, the fantasy was ruined! This straight man would not be able to jerk off over ‘being a lesbian!’. We were not people, we were non-player-characters in their video game. Actresses in pornography, extras in a film where they were the protagonist, and we were off script. We weren’t fully-formed people, with our own desires, we were things, objects, film props.

The entire gay movement, from the lesbians to the gays, to the homosexual transsexuals, reduced to nothing props in some straight man’s sexual fantasy. That’s all we were to them, ultimately.

And I was expected to go along with it?! We were all expected to go along with it?

Not only that, I had gone along with it. I had advocated for this.

What had I done?

Every moment you come close, every moment you start thinking something isn’t right, you start feeling a little foolish.

Of course this is fine. Everyone is telling me so. The media, the public, the people around you. No one voices concerns. When you have them, you don’t say anything, because no one else is, and because you are a coward.

You feel a little foolish because this is foolish. Saying some women have penises is foolish. You know it is foolish, from the minute that idiot phrase leaves your mouth, to the minute it dances across your tongue, to the minute your nerves send the signal to your larynx to make the required movements to produce the very sounds. But, you think, you are no fool.

You are no fool, you think, when someone says ‘biological women have XY chromosomes’, or that it’s okay for a man on the college track team to identify as a woman and take a place on the woman’s track team. You know that’s not right. But everyone else is going along with it, and you are no fool, and you shouldn’t feel foolish, because everyone says this is the right thing to do, the right side of history, doing right by an oppressed minority, so you go along with it.

You are frightened of realizing you are a fool. So too, is everyone around you. No one likes being played the fool, no one likes realizing they were sold a pack of lives as a naïve eighteen year old looking for other gay people. And no one plays you for a fool. And thus the dance continues, everyone one too frightened to admit that, perhaps, we are all fools, believing in something physically impossible, no different to the bible-banging megachurch attendee, with our owns chants, our own magic words, ritual knowledge, and ability to be born again. We are smart. We liberal. We are on the right side of history. We couldn’t be believing in something that isn’t scientifically backed. We’re smarter than that. We’re not fools.

And when it finally gets too much, and you drift over to the cliff’s edge, the cliff that you can see the bottom of, the cliff you know you can’t come back from, you pull away. Because to go over it would to be to admit that you’ve been played the fool. No one likes that feeling, the shame, the embarrassment, the horror, the fear. What lies over that cliff is exile, a scarlet letter, fear and hatred and nasty women who just want trans women dead.

What lies beyond that cliff is a realization that you have been used. You have been used by something greater than yourself, to push medication on children. You have been used by straight men to participate in their sexual fetish without your consent. Your entire community, rendered a jerk-off prop for some straight man over night, and you were told that objecting was ‘transphobic’. You have been used to spread homophobia beyond your comprehension, to take part in the destruction of your own community, and you were told this was right and good.

To realize this, to acknowledge it, to move on and try and forge something better, that takes true strength of character. To realize this, to deny it, and obfuscate what you are doing, that I can understand. I too, was once a coward. I too, did not want to believe what my eyes told me was sitting in front of me. That cliff is scary, and to jump off it seemingly lies nothing but social death.

But eventually something pushes you over, without your consent. You realize you have been played the fool, because finally, something so gratuitous occurs that you must. Even the greatest cowards will eventually be blown off the cliff. The music will stop, and the dance will end, and you will finally feel the shame, the embarrassment, the horror, the fear, the guilt.

Because no one likes being played for a fool.

Perhaps, then, it is best to get this over and done with now, while you still have dignity to defend.

Some details have been changed to protect the identities of those concerned.