#or well i CAN put it in a ponytail but then strands fall out randomly and it never stays in and i would need 15 million bobby pins

[applejongho]

ok jonghomies

[bloodypapercut]

f.w. headcanons (part ii)

here it is! you’re all too kind to me so i truly hope you enjoy! <3 (I apologize if this headcanon is a bit redundant)

word count: 2.1k

@somekidinacoma

(if you’d like to be tagged just ask, i’d be more then happy to!)

-he talks about you so much, molly and arthur practically know everything about you. as for the other weasleys you all get along and they make you feel like you’re part of the family

-he’s so excited to show you everything around the house, like his room, the backyard, the small fort all his siblings made together in the woods, the treehouse, and all the little trinkets that litter every available space. he’s practically shaking when he meets you at the train station because he can’t contain his emotions

-he can’t wait for the people he loves the most to be together. the thought of you, his siblings and his parents in the same household just excite him so much and fills him with joy 

-when you arrive molly has already made all of your favorites because she knew from all of fred's letters about you and arthur is already asking about how your ride was and if you saw anything interesting (his letters are mostly about you, they only contain 2 sentences about him)

-you get along with molly and arthur very well, they treat you with so much kindness and love. molly lets you cook with her and she shows you old photos of fred. you and arthur have conversations about muggle things he finds interesting and about all the fun experiences you’ve had while art hogwarts

-when fred leads you to his room he shows you his first inventions that he made with george many years ago, seeing his eyes fill with pride is one of your favourite sights 

-his side of the room is covered with pictures of you and him, letters and doodles from you and it’s so cute “george says it’s creepy like it’s some sort of shrine.” “i wouldn’t expect any less from you.”

-he lets you rummage through the old clothes that are too small for him and keep them. they still smell like him, a mixture of cinnamon, ash, pine, and orange

-sneaking down to the kitchen while everyone sleeps and eating cake outside

-baking 4am cookies with fred, trying your hardest not to laugh and make a lot of noise, but it just ends up with the two of you feeding each other the cookie dough then getting stomach aches the next morning 

-throwing popcorn at him, him diving to try and catch it, probably leading to his head banging against a table (pouty fred trying to ignore you but ultimately failing when you kiss him all over his face)

-sitting around a fire with his entire family as they all laugh and tell stories, his arm around your shoulders and your head leaning against his

-water chugging competitions, you always win

-staring competitions, he’ll always pull odd faces in an attempt to get you to crack or tickle you with strands of your hair

-stargazing in his old treehouse, holding hands and falling asleep in that position. (imagine fairy lights everywhere, there's a record player in the corner playing si tu n’etais pas la, you’re both under a blanket and you’re tracing words onto his palm making him guess what your message is) 

-he comes up from behind you and drapes a blanket over your shoulders while hugging you and talking into your hair, his speech being muffled

-refusing him kisses before class if he’s the reason you’re late, to which he’ll reply by lightly pulling your hair when you try and walk away from him. he doesn’t show any signs of relenting so you quickly turn around and kiss him hard while gripping on his collar, but as soon as he tries to deepen it you turn and rush through the classroom door quickly

-while walking down a corridor together he’ll twirl you around

-sometimes he’ll just hold you up because he wants to admire you. or he’ll prop you on a desk or dresser just so you’re face to face, so he can look at every feature on your face 

-i cannot stress enough how warm his hugs are, they completely engulf you and all you can smell is his jumper and you can feel his heartbeat, his hands gripping at the ends of your sweater then slowly running up and down your back in your jumper and he’ll nudge your leg with his knee as an indicator for you to step into him so there's practically no space between the two of you

-slow dancing, he’ll hold you tightly to his chest with his arms wrapped around your waist and your head will be on his shoulder while you play with the strands of hair at the base of his neck. you’ll have hushed conversations about what you want to do in the future, all the places you wanna travel to together, and all the domestic things you can’t wait to do together (while the catfish and the bottlemen cover of read my mind plays in the back)

-pretending to have mini-concerts in his dorm, using random objects as microphones, screaming, jumping around on every surface that will allow it (in my mind fred dances like jarvis cocker)

-if you’re both singing he’ll claim that you’re outshining him so he’ll try and cover your mouth, which leads to you covering his mouth, which ends with him just him licking your hand and you rubbing it off on him “you did not.” “yes, and i’ll do it again.” he’ll take off running, causing you to chase him

-the two of you sitting next to each other while listening to music and you’ll start to head bop, then he’ll start to head bop together in unison

- during lessons he’ll slip little sweets into your hand

-he’ll nudge your ribs while you’re trying to pay attention to class and whispers to you “i’m so in love with you darling.” to which you’ll just grin and hold his hand under the table, tracing shapes onto the back of it

-he definitely throws things at you randomly, at any given location, nothing that would hurt you obviously

-sometimes he’ll just stop mid-sentence and look at you in awe, his mouth slightly agape and eyes wide. his smile is so bright and genuine, his dimples are so prominent and his eyes crinkle and it’s so contagious, you can’t help but hold his face and kiss his forehead lightly

-he admires you so so much, you motivate him to work as hard as he can because one day he hopes that his business will be enough to sustain a life that he wants to give you, he wants to give you the world and he wants to encourage you to follow your dreams as much as you do for him

-very specific compliments “your earlobes are a really nice shape” “i really like the space between your eyebrows” “ahh your nose is just so cute i just wanna poke it all day”

-he gave you a locket and it has a picture of you and him on your first hogwarts train ride together. and whenever he gets the chance he’ll put it on for you, he loves sweeping your hair out of the way and softly putting the necklace around your neck

-matching rings 

-fred definitely knows how to make bracelets and rings, i feel like he’d always make them for ginny and molly on holidays. he’d make you so many, and on your birthday he gave you a really ornate silver jewelry box

-he loves brushing your hair 

-whenever you’re staying up whether it be studying or writing an essay he will not allow himself to sleep until you’re done, he says people who suffer together stay together. he’ll also try to shovel food in your mouth and make you drink water or tea to assure sure you’re not depriving yourself. in return, you stay up with him while he’s trying to perfect the products he wants to sell. you’ll sit side by side bumping knees and rubbing his back while he scribbles into his notebook

-sometimes he’ll ask for you to lean your back against his because he still wants to be able to work and be around you, but he gets distracted by your face because he just wants to kiss you every time he sees your eyebrows furrow as you reread a paragraph, or your tongue dart out of your mouth, or a tendril of hair slip from your ponytail and onto your face

-he’s not one to be very hard on himself about attendance, but if you are he’ll wake you up and remind you that you have a test to get to, or you have to attend practice. he’ll help you get ready but as soon as he drops you off he’ll go back to sleep or go to the kitchens to get food for you and him for after your class or practice 

-he’s so good at comforting people, he takes it after molly. it may seem at times that he’s insensitive due to his playful nature, but if he sees that you’re frantically flipping through pages, nibbling at the end of your pen he will hold your face tenderly between his hands and reassure you in a soft and sincere voice “why’re you being so hard on yourself? can’t you see how hard you’re working and how accomplished you are?” “take a rest, beautiful, you deserve it.” “i’m so proud of you, you have no idea how much you push me to work harder.” “you’ve got a stunning mind, but i think you should give it a break okay?” “you’re so resilient, angel, you can do this okay? i’m right here.”

-if you have a headache he’ll massage your head. if any part of your body hurts he’ll try and soothe it. he’ll pause occasionally to kiss whatever part is in pain

-(for any female, male  or non-binary angels that get their period)he’ll keep his hands over where you’re cramping and he’ll let you curl around him. he even bought you a huge body pillow because he’d want you to use it when he couldn’t be with you. he’ll feed you whatever you crave and he’ll read to you or sing quietly to you (fred with an acoustic ahhh). he’ll constantly reassure you, saying that you only have a couple more days left, and if the pain is really bad he’ll try and soothe you to sleep. fred also keeps track of your period, he’s surprisingly really really good with dates 

-he likes humming you to sleep while he pushes the hair out of your face, rubs your back, and kisses your forehead lightly

-if you’re about to do something you’re really nervous about he’ll look you in the eyes, grab both of your hands and encase them in has after leaving kisses on them. then he’ll place them on his chest and give you a reassuring grin

-when he gets hurt from quidditch you stay next to him the entire time he’s in the hospital wing, the two of you playing cards or helping him plan a future prank

-he holds your chin between his thumb and index finger and kisses you softly. you two have to stop occasionally because one of you will giggle, causing you to nudge your noses together

-he’ll wake up randomly in the middle of the night and nudge you until you stir “go to sleep fred.” “nooo let’s talk, i wanna have a conversation.” “can’t we talk tomorrow, it’s your fault i’m so tired.” “but love, all these thoughts, amazing beautiful one of a kind thoughts are ripe in my mind now, if we talk tomorrow i won’t remember.” “isn’t that a relief?” “c’monnnnnn.”

-a lot of back and forth bickering “wow, i’m speechless.” “finally.” “shut up freddie.” “look who’s talking.” “you are.” “no you are.” “no now you are.” “you. are.” “shut up.” “we’re back at square one i see.”

-the two of you reeling over in laughter, tears slipping down your cheeks and gasping for air (all. the. time.)

-during the train ride to hogwarts he leans against the wall of the cabin while you lean on his chest, then you’ll take everyone's jackets and use them as blankets and pillows. you’ll cuddle, eat random sweets, and nap throughout the entire ride

-he constantly takes pictures of you and he has an entire box filled of them, the box also has tickets from shows you went to together, receipts from random dates you’ve been on and little notes you’ve passed during class. he plans to keep all of these to decorate the flat he hopes he can live in with you

-he will randomly run into your room, drop a bag and rush out as quickly as he came. usually there are your favorite sweets, socks, candles and a new book. in return you try and spoil him as much as spoils you because he deserves the world 

[sardonic-at-heart]

Last Date

I wanted to make this the first chapter for the series related to Fragile where it’s all flashbacks of Sam’s memories with Mika, but then I wrote the end of this fic and said to myself, “Yeaaahhhh maybe not.” You’ll see why I changed my mind. Enjoy!

Summary: Tipsy Mika and steak eater Sam enjoy a night out together.

It was a comforting and delightful thought to know that even after two years of marriage, Sam was still captivated with his wife like the very first time he realized he fell for her. Her smile, her laugh, her blush. Every quirk she had he loved, because it all unequivocally defined Mika Anderson.

As he listened to her talk about her day now, he couldn’t help the smile creeping at the corners of his lips at her enthusiasm.

She stopped suddenly and narrowed her eyes. “Why are you grinning? I’m talking about waiting in line for three hours just to get my driver’s license renewed.”

He chuckled. “You just look really great tonight, is all.”

And she did. She was wearing her lace plum dress, a recent favorite she bought a few months ago. He loved the way the skirt swished around her legs like a princess he saw her as. Her long black hair was swept in a loose ponytail, a few strands framing her face. Picturesque and effortlessly beautiful.

Any man would worship the ground she walked on and Sam didn’t mind swallowing his pride to do so if given the opportunity.

“W-wha—” There it was: that famous blush he enjoyed causing so much. And that cute stammering she did when she couldn’t find the right words to say.

“Sorry. Go on, I’m listening.”

“How am I supposed to continue after you caught me off guard like that!”

He smirked. “You thank me for being the best husband in the world and compliment me back.”

She huffed, lips in a pout.

“What else did you do today?” He changed the subject for her sake. Because he was the best husband in the world.

“I went grocery shopping because we were out of eggs.”

“Thanks again for buying it.”

“I didn’t mind,” she grinned. “It was a good excuse to also go out with my friends and try this new gelato place Suzu showed us. We need to go back so you can try it! The key lime pie flavor was very light and refreshing.”

He narrowed his eyes. “They were supposed to be getting ready for their flight to Italy today.”

Mika waved dismissively. “Naomi made sure Suzu packed a few days ago.”

Sam chortled. Suzu wasn’t exactly the type to plan anything. At all. Luckily her fiancée was a lot more responsible than her and kept her important dates in check.

They postponed their conversation momentarily when a waiter came to their table. He ordered well done steak (which always made his wife grimace at his “lack of taste”) and she ordered garlic shrimp pasta. She took a glance at the alcohol menu, and he grinned at how her eyes sparkled once she found white wine to pair with her dish.

“How was your day?” Mika asked.

“Don’t get me started,” Sam grumbled.

“Hey, I had my chance to rant about my day, so it’s only fair you do the same.”

He smiled briefly before it soured into a scowl. “A lot of paperwork. Again. That’s why I was late coming over here.” He paused. “Sorry for that, by the way.”

“It’s no problem. You don’t have to apologize.”

“You sure? How long did you have to wait?”

“Sam. I’m sure now and I’ll always be sure the next time you ask. And it was just five minutes.”

His expression twisted in guilt. “If I’d been here at least five minutes earlier—”

She let out an exasperated chuckle. “Sam. I’ve known for quite a while that your job makes you incredibly busy and I understand that you’ll be late sometimes. Don’t worry about it, okay?”

He measured her with a stare, taking in her relaxed smile and green eyes with an earnest gleam, and then conceded with a sigh.

Mika’s smile brightened knowing she’d won.

Their dinner and wine arrived then and, because Sam knew she always did this when it came to food and Instagram, he leaned back in his seat so she could take a couple pictures of their dishes. Or ten. She made sure to take them at different angles, even though it was the same freaking thing in every shot. He would have laughed at her ridiculous positions and silly expressions scrunched in concentration, but he was getting hungry the longer her photo session dragged on.

“Take your last shot right now or I’m going to eat your shrimp,” he threatened.

“Alright, alright,” she chuckled before she frowned at her screen. “Wait, that was a little blurry. Let me do it again—hey!”

He warned her, but she didn’t listen.

She finally put away her phone with a glare that lost its edge as she pouted. “If your steak wasn’t so charred I’d do the same.”

“Sounds like a you problem,” he cut a piece while snickering.

They talked a bit about their favorite band’s album that had been released recently while they enjoyed their food. There were rumors that one of their new songs would be featured in a video game Sam liked to play and he hoped it was true.

She showed him the pictures she took this morning for Sammy’s Instagram and he chuckled at how adorable the Rottweiler was curled up in his new bed. Once in a while Sam heard the sound of a camera snapping, but when he turned to his wife she acted like he was just hearing things. She was probably taking more pictures again. He let it go with a shrug and kept eating.

After they had finished a delectable chocolate mousse cake, Sam was quick to pay for the bill before Mika could reach for her wallet. Luckily she was tipsy enough to thank him with a noisy kiss instead of insisting she should take care of it like she always did.

He suggested they do a night stroll to gaze at the city lights and she happily agreed, giggling to herself at a joke only she could hear. When she was in this state it was best to have her walk around a few minutes until she had a clear head. He wasn’t planning to repeat the last time she drank too much.

She tripped a few times and he threw his head back and laughed while helping her up. To his relief she was able to walk like a normal person after ten minutes, but then she took out her phone and randomly recorded them together for reasons that were lost on him. He took note to keep an eye out for her newest post later.

Sam heard her light snores as he parked his truck in their driveway and he chuckled to himself. As much as he loved the sight of his wife asleep, he couldn’t let her anywhere near the bed with her dress and her makeup still on. Reaching over to unbuckle her seatbelt, Sam swept her in his arms and made his way inside. Their Rottweiler perked from his sleeping position when his owners entered the bedroom and yipped in an energetic greeting.

“Sammyyyy,” Mika groaned, opening her bleary eyes. “Inside voice.”

He kept yipping.

Sam placed her in their bathroom and motioned her to shower. “Going to take him outside. Don’t fall asleep in there, okay?”

She mumbled her response and closed the door. He made sure to hear the sound of the showerhead turning on before carrying Sammy to the backyard. It only took a couple minutes for him to relieve himself, and Sam spent an extra few minutes to clean it up and chase him around to expend all that excitable energy. It made feeding and refilling his water dispenser much easier that way.

He made sure Sammy’s paws were clean and dry and then let the little rascal run up the dog stairs at the end of their bed and over to where Mika lay, snuggling up to her side on the left. Eyes half open but still aware of what was going on around her, she cooed and petted him as Sam left to take a quick shower as well.

“Still up?” He asked when she glanced at him as he climbed into bed.

“I wanted to stay up until you joined me.”

“I’m here,” he lazily rested his arm around her waist. “Get some shut eye.”

She hummed her assent, leaning in to kiss him. “Tonight was lovely. Thank you for being the best husband in the world.”

“Anytime, doofus.”

“I should pay you back.”

“Wait, what—”

“Because you paid for dinner and I need to return the favor.”

“Mika, you don’t have to.”

“I want to,” she looked so determined that Sam didn’t have the heart to argue. “How about I bring you a home cooked meal at lunch time tomorrow?”

Oh, okay. He was fine with that. “Sure thing. Text me when you’re there?”

She nodded, closing her eyes. “Yup. Night, Sam. I love you.”

“I love you,” he pressed a kiss on her and Sammy’s forehead and turned off the lights, hoping to get enough sleep for tomorrow’s shift.

Want more? Read my fics here!

[vonnyphant]

To Blog or Not to Blog?

“You should start a diary and write about your experiences. It may help people going through the same thing.”

Honestly? If there’s one thing I discovered about this diagnosis, it’s that it makes me pretty damn selfish. I don’t want to help other people (not just yet, anyway). But putting some thoughts down about this time in my life may be of some sort of therapeutic value, and I do want to help myself. 

(Maybe for once, saving the world can wait. Do you remember how, soon after the pandemic hit, people stopped avoiding plastic and single-use items? When your health is at risk, suddenly rainforests and polar bears and the planet are deprioritised- not that anyone will admit to this. But this is my diary and I can say what I want!* Writing for myself it is.)

Having established my less-than-Mother-Theresa-like reasons for this blog, my conscience cleared, it’s time to start. This is where the Lifetime movie shows me, in a half daze, mellowed out on drugs while they sew a mediport into my chest to start administering chemicals. A fast lane to my bloodstream. A docking station. The soundtrack? Hopefully ‘Across The Universe’ by the Beatles (possibly Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. If I get a say in it, I veto The Walrus) Time to pump this body full of drugs that’ll make my hair fall out. 

Wait, what?

Voice Over: “Yep. That’s me. You’re probably wondering what I am doing here…” //record scratch - freeze frame - fast rewind to the psychedelic outtro of A Day In The Life//

Two months ago, during rub-a-dub-in-the-tub (less naughty than it sounds, was just washing myself), my mind inexplicably went to an episode of Beverly Hills 90210, s1 (aired in 1992- yes, I am that old), where Brenda Walsh has a breast cancer scare. I say inexplicably, because my usual shower fantasies do not include Ms Shannon Doherty - if I was going to pick a shower lady, I’d opt for Charlize Theron, Kiera Knightly or Winona Ryder in their short-hair phases, but that is neither here nor there. 

Say what you want for 90s television- weird outfits and ponytails notwithstanding, in their AfterSchoolSpecial PSA way, they dedicated a whole scene to the girls giving themselves a breast exam, including how-to instructions**, and eventhough I was only 11 years old when I saw it, I remembered what to do, and for the last 30 years, every now and then I have randomly carried it out while wondering how I always preferred Brandon over Dylan and how my tastes have changed over time.

But this time - my hand actually found something.

I took a deep breath and calmed myself down the same way I did after finding spots on my skin, lumps on my head and every time I sneezed since covid-19; by telling myself to fucking snap out of my hypochondria tendencies. One cannot go to the doctor every damn day after all. Breast tissue is pretty lumpy and I assumed it was just imaginary. I made an appointment to see a therapist, and  put it out of my mind until a few weeks later, when one of the kids came crashing down on me (literally) and faceplanted in my boob (as they do). 

Now this always hurts af, but it just hurt that little more that day, so that I grabbed the appendage in question and went “WHAT THE--!” And I felt it again- the lump, more defined than a few weeks before. 

Cue a lot more freaking out than the first time, and after a sleepless night, imagining what my funeral would look like (as one does), I decided to go to the gynocologist the same day or risk never to sleep again.

After a long wait and an ultrasound, my doctor assured me that while there really was a mass, it had every indication of being benign. We should keep an eye on it. If I was worried, I could schedule a second screening, but would not likely get an appointment before April. I scheduled one and tried to focus on preparing our first lockdown Christmas. 

But over the holidays, the lump started hurting, even when I wasn’t poking it or having a kid catapult themselves into my chest. I’d be Netflix and Chilling, and suddenly - ZAP - like someone stuck a hot needle into it. Repeatedly. My nipple would go numb or start tingling like a bodypart that fell asleep. It freaked me out, and in the new year, I realised I couldn’t wait until April - I had to get it checked out again or I may worry myself to death.

My gynocologist did another ultrasound and again, told me not to worry. I told her it was way too late for that as I had been worried for weeks, and I wanted the thing biopsied (they gave Brenda Walsh one too, after all! It’s the only way to be 100% sure). She referred me to the hospital. At the description of my symptoms, I could come directly, and the radiologist told me in no unclear terms: “I will not let you leave this room until we draw blood and take several biopsies.” Okay- not exactly what one wants to hear at that point, but at the same time, I figured knowing would be better than guessing by the shape of it.

Test results took a week. I went in, being prepared to be told (like Brenda) it was a harmless clump of random cells or a cyst we could have removed like a wart. Only it wasn’t. It was breast cancer, an aggressive, fast-growing kind, and had I waited until April, that could have had disastrous consequences.

While the doctor explained we now needed to determine the scope of the spread and take more tissue to determine what kind of chemo (if any) could be applied, all my 2020-PTSD brain could think was: 

“.............of course”. 

Didn’t hear much of what she said afterwards.

Another harrowing 4 days went by, with a CT screening with contrast solutions that gave me an intense stomach ache as well as a migraine, and finally, a fully rounded diagnosis and treatment advice could be made. 

Thankfully, all my organs as well as lymphnodes were clear, so it appears to be a localised tumor. And here we are - to fight this thing with chemicals and then cut out whatever is left. Genetics testing to see about the likelihood of a recurrency (and a possible double mastectomy if so - ‘pulling an Angelina Jolie’, ‘not saving the tatas’, insert ‘Think About It meme’...can’t have breast cancer if you don’t have breasts! THINK ABOUT IT***). 

Chances are good. I need to cling to that while I wait for this port and treatment to start. I have accepted the inevitable hair loss, have scheduled a ritual ‘crazy hair cutting party’ with my kids for this weekend (as I would rather shave it off in one go than clean up clumps and strands over the course of weeks and look like Gollum), and I have sewn several funny little hats for inside wear and ‘going out’ (though where will I be going in pandemic, idk). 

I was going to end this post on a light and happy note - but I must admit my confidence just took a really big hit in real time, as I googled how to spell Shannon’s last name for this blog entry and found out that she was treated for breast cancer in 2015, initially succesfully, but it reappeared metastasized in 2020 (again: ‘of course...when else’) and she is now in stage IV. Fuck 2020.

What are the odds that the woman whose character made me discover my own breast cancer is now, in fact, dying of the same disease? This will surely haunt me for a long time to come.

More tomorrow? Or soon? It may take a while. Until then: outro to It’s Getting Better.

*also for the record I would like to state that I’ve sewn my own masks from upcycled pillowcases and continued using fruit- and vegetable nets to avoid plastic; maybe that makes up for me being utterly selfish at the moment. Karma +1?

** https://youtu.be/pkgYXITkrfw (the scene from BH 90210)

***cis men / trans women without breasts can also get breast cancer (even though it’s rare) so this meme doesn’t really hold up, but that’s the whole point of the meme ;)

[artificialqueens]

And I'll Be Here (Lemon x Priyanka) - Mumu

A/N: For the two anons that requested a Lemon sickfic! I’ve been meaning to write something for these two, so thank you for the excuse to do so :) Also on AO3.

Summary: Lemon is sick, and Priyanka takes care of her.

To be honest, Priyanka isn’t totally sure why she is doing this. Or what she’s doing at all, really, driving over to Lemon’s house. She’s fought with herself the whole 20-minute trip, not super sure how the girl would take it if she just randomly showed up.

Lemon had shot her a quick text a few hours ago, saying that she didn’t feel so good and that they’d have to reschedule their date.

Priyanka would be lying if she said she wasn’t a little disappointed by the cancellation— okay, maybe a lot disappointed— but any selfish feelings were largely ruled out by the overwhelming sense of concern and sympathy that Priyanka had felt for the other girl.

The fact that the text wasn’t punctuated with Lemon’s regular string of yellow hearts made her even more anxious, and so here Priyanka was, 20 minutes later, sitting outside Lemon’s apartment building in her car, debating whether or not it would come across as creepy if she went inside.

It wasn’t like she wasn’t comfortable with Lemon.

They’ve been official for a week and a half now, not counting the 1 month’s worth of dates before that (awkward, but sweet) and the two weeks of clumsy flirting in between university classes. Not that Priyanka’s counting, except she totally is.

Priyanka’s been to Lemon’s apartment twice before, just enough times to have the address bookmarked in her phone but not enough to feel completely comfortable in the space yet. She really likes this girl and cares about her, and she knows that goes both ways.

She’s just… nervous. Nervous about turning up unannounced to the girl’s apartment, nervous about what to expect, nervous about her first attempt at playing the caring girlfriend.

The last point brings a light smile to Priyanka’s face, and she feels a little bit of the unease dissipate. She corrects her previous thought, taking on an air of confidence. This isn’t a chore or an act; her feelings for Lemon are real, and that means she’s there with the other girl through thick and thin. She can do this. Priyanka grabs her phone, riding this new wave of boldness, and types out a hasty text.

Priyanka: hey lem

i’m outside ur apartment

can you buzz me up?

She waits a few minutes but gets no response. The thought makes her worried, as Lemon’s practically glued to her phone on a normal day. A well-dressed man in a suit lets her in the building anyways, and Priyanka throws a quick “thank you” over her shoulder as she hurries up to Lemon’s floor.

Priyanka slips the spare key to Lemon’s apartment out of her purse, thanking her past self for having the good sense to exchange keys with the other girl. These fancy apartment buildings have crazy security. The whole buzzing intercom system had confused Priyanka the first time she visited, and the other girl had to walk her through the process.

The door opens with a click, and Priyanka steps through, eyes already scanning her surroundings for a familiar shock of bright yellow hair. Nothing.

“Lem?” Priyanka calls.

A faint “in here!” sounds from the general direction of the bathroom, and Priyanka heads in search of her girlfriend. She finds the girl slumped on the floor, head hanging over the toilet bowl in the dark.

“Jesus, Lem, are you okay?” Priyanka flicks the light on, only to turn it off as soon as Lemon’s hands fly up to cover her eyes.

“Too bright,” Lemon groans, batting her hands in the general direction of the light switch. “Hurts.”

Priyanka rushes towards the girl, gently gathering her hair and holding it out of her face. She rolls a ponytail holder off of her wrist, putting Lemon’s hair into a ponytail for her.

“How long have you been like this?”

“Since I texted,” Lemon mumbles.

Priyanka clicks her tongue, tucking a few stray strands of hair behind her girlfriend’s ear. “You should have told me, I would’ve come sooner.”

“Didn’t wanna bother you,” comes the reply. “You didn’t have to come, I’m sorry.” It’s punctuated by dry heaving, and Priyanka winces at the sound.

“Don’t apologize, it’s not your fault,” Priyanka says, soft but firm.

It twists her heart up to know that Lemon has been suffering like this for a few hours, all alone. It’s just like Lemon to not want to disturb Priyanka, even when she’s sick to the point of throwing up. It’s stupid and sweet at the same time, and Priyanka doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry, to hit her or kiss her. She settles on brushing a hand over Lemon’s forehead, as gently as she can, not missing the way the other girl grimaces at her touch. She’s burning up, a lot.

“When was the last time you ate?” Priyanka asks, trying to be helpful.

“I don’t know,” Lemon struggles to get words out, breathing heavy. “Uh, I had coffee.”

“So, breakfast then?”

“Kept throwing up,” Lemon gets out. “Wasn’t worth it.”

“I brought Khichdi? It’s um, lentils and rice. My mom used to make it when I was sick,” She offers.

Lemon shakes her head. “Maybe later.”

Her words are clipped, voice unusually weak and cracked. She grips the edge of the toilet tightly with both hands, knuckles turning white at the sheer force of the action. Priyanka thinks if she squeezes any harder, it might crack and send shards into the Lemon’s palms.

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Priyanka says, peeling her fingers off of the porcelain. Lemon just hums in response, tongue trailing over her chapped lips. “Does your head hurt?”

A light nod confirms her answer. “And my stomach.”

“Okay, do you think you can stand up?”

Lemon tries to push herself up, only to have a wave of dizziness knock her back to the ground. She lets out an involuntary whimper and Priyanka feels her heart drop.

Lemon’s clearly way sicker than she had first thought, and it hurts her to see the typically bubbly girl in this state.

“Sorry, that was a bad idea.” Guilt worms it’s way into Priyanka’s stomach as Lemon presses a hand to her forehead, letting out a sound that’s somewhere between a cough and a sob. “Alright, uh, I’m gonna try and get you into your bedroom. Just lean on me, yeah?”

She manages to get Lemon up into an awkward sort of lean against the wall, the girl gripping onto her so hard Priyanka is sure her veins might pop from the bright yellow nails digging into her wrist. The cheery color is a sharp contrast to the current atmosphere, and the irony of it all would have made her chuckle if not for the groaning girl that the nails belonged to.

“Babe,” She hisses, her tone coming off sharper than intended from the pain. “Your nails- loosen your-”

“Sorry.” Lemon seems to get the gist, adjusting her hold on Priyanka so that it’s less painful.

“It’s fine,” Priyanka flashes her the brightest smile she can given the situation, trying to reassure her. Lemon’s eyes are shining with tears, probably from a combination of the pain she’s in and guilt at hurting Priyanka. Being tired always made the younger girl more emotional, and it looks to be the same for when she’s sick as well. “Think you can try to get to your bed for me?”

“Uh-huh,” Lemon says, sounding unconvinced.

Priyanka goes with it anyways. “Great, okay. Let me know if you need to stop or anything.”

She guides the girl towards the bedroom slowly. Lemon stumbles along, pausing a few times to take shaky breaths in and out. She nearly falls into the mattress as soon as Priyanka pulls the covers back for her, curling into a fetal position.

“Well done,” Priyanka praises. The gentle encouragement seems to send Lemon over the edge, tears slipping down her cheeks.

“I don’t know why I’m crying.”  She sniffles, curling even tighter into herself. Her hand goes up to cover her face, the tears leaking out through her fingers.

“No, Lem, don’t, it’s okay,” Priyanka says. The other girl’s pout tugs at her heartstrings, and she feels helpless, not knowing what to say to make her feel better. “Do you need anything?”

Lemon turns her head to look at her, offering a small, watery smile. “Stay?”

“Of course, baby.” Priyanka kneels by the bed, playing with her hair idly. “I’m not gonna leave, don’t worry.”

Seemingly reassured, the girl lets out a small yawn. Her eyelids flutter, and she makes grabby hands at Priyanka’s free hand. “M’kay.”

“You must be tired,” Priyanka says, mostly to herself. “You can rest. I’ll be here.”

Lemon drifts off, her foggy mind making it hard to concentrate on much. She does manage one thought before sleep pulls her under though, a mess of mushy feelings and flushed skin. Priyanka’s hand is still stroking her hair gently, and the rhythmic motions are calming.

She’s so lucky to have her.

[blueberryrock]

Hey guys, umm here is the twelfth chapter. I had answered an ask today and it made me remember to put this up, I'll hopefully put the rest up this week, but enjoy!

(Blue's pov)

This is taking forever.

I impatiently drum my fingers on my thighs, I've been sitting here in this very uncomfortable chair in the waiting room of the medical wing.

For some reason, it's been unusually packed with a bunch of different cracked gems. This is of course very, very, concerning, but I can't do anything about it until after my stupid appointment.

Which I apparently can't miss for the damn world! I groan and lean my head against the back of the chair. I glance over at an empty chair where Yellow would be.

She is once again off planet, this time, she took White with her to investigate what's or who's been cracking and almost shattering all these gems.

I asked her if I could come with her, cause most of the gems that have been badly damaged are from one of my old colonies and court. But she very quickly shut that down.

I highly suspect that it is the work of a somewhat large rebellion that's been going on, but if I try to talk to any of the cracked gems, they either have no memory of what happened or they just poof themselves over and over again from the sheer memory of what happened to them.

So the only information we've gotten is that it's been happening on one of my colonies. I nervously run my hand through my brushed, soft, hair.

I let out a soft gasp as one of the little gemlings kick me, I look down at my baby bump, I smirk as I lightly make circles on it with my nail.

"You're impatient too, aren't you" I coo "hopefully just a few more minutes, then I get to see your colors" I look up at the clock behind the little receptions desk "and I should ask the medical pearl if we can take any pictures..." I mutter to myself.

Finally, a few more minutes go by and the medical pearl calls me to a different room.

The new room has dark blue walls, grey tiled floors, and one big metal table and no waiting chairs, it also has the scanner, waiting to be used.

I carefully push myself onto the cold table and lie down, I groan as soon as my stiff back hits the table. The small green medical pearl climbs onto the table, I effortlessly phase away part of my dress so my baby belly can be scanned.

The small pearl tucks away a strand of her green hair behind her ear as she climbs onto me. She empties an entire bottle of freezing cold gel and tosses the bottle on the ground.

The little gem hops off of me and runs to grab the scanner. "Hey, umm I have a question" I softly shift on the table.

"Hmm?" The medical pearl replies as she tries to untangle the wire.

"Don't you need to angle the screen or something? So you know, I can see the gemlings?" I ask.

"What? Oh yes" the pearl's soft voice floats through the almost empty room. She grabs the side of the scanner and turns it towards me "is that better?"

I simply nod. The medical pearl finally untangles the scanner wires and climbs back onto me. She spreads the gel around with her hand before she uses the scanner.

I shiver from the still very cold gel, the screen part starts to make a noise so my eyes instantly snap towards the screen.

To my amazement, both gemlimgs are surprisingly large, since the screen is almost black and white, I can barely see a hint of color on both of them. The larger of the two is a very light shade of blue with a hint of green, and the smaller one is a dark shade of green with splotches of very light green.

I slightly frown when I look at the second gemling. She...she shouldn't be two different colors. Puzzled, I stare at the small pearl, looking for answers.

She shakily meets my eyes, "I-I'm sorry Blue Diamond, I've never seen this happen before" she tucks a few strands of her mossy green hair behind her ear "I'm going a-assuming that, when your two gemlimgs combined, their colors merged?"

"I'm not too sure, but congratulations, you still have fairly healthy gemlings, and you know what colors they are so planning their room shouldn't be a problem," and with that done, the small medical pearl quickly leaves the room before I can even get a word out.

I scoff, what an unprofessional pearl. I push myself up and immediately phase the rest of my dress on. Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do about her.

I gently and slowly slide off the metal table, once-off I immediately head for the door. I wrap the veil that I brought with me tightly around me. I waste no time walking to my room, not even bothering to say hello to anyone.

As soon as those big doors behind me close, I unwrap the dark blue veil and throw it on the carpet. I quickly summon a floating blue screen and I hurriedly send Yellow and White a message about the gemlings and what little the pearl said.

I smack my head with my hand, I completely forgot to ask the pearl is it is possible to send some pictures to Yellow and White. Oh well...

As soon as that's done, I lightly toss myself onto my very soft bed. I bury myself under the velvety blue sheets, I sigh and close my eyes.

"Next week will be somewhat exciting, cause next week Yellow will finally let us go off-planet alone!" I exclaim to no one but myself and the gemlings.

I trace large circles on my baby belly, they become smaller and slower as I unexpectedly fall asleep.

(The next week)

I let out a bored sigh as I scroll through what seems like endless reports, more than half of them are bull-shit excuses for "reports", telling me that I'm "sooo" lucky that I'm having gemlings. Usually, Blue Pearl and a few other gems help manage the reports that come flooding in, but a lot of congratulations still manage to pass through...

But nevertheless, I must read most of them, and I suspect that Blue Pearl and the other gems allow so many of the stupid "reports" as a means to cheer me up.  But I don't need a constant reminder that I have a due date (or a death date as I once called it).

"Pearl, Pyrobes," they boredly glance at me "You all are dismissed. Feel free to take the rotation off" I dismiss them, they nod and quietly leave me alone with my thoughts.

I glumly look out the window to my left, and for miles upon miles all I see are beautiful blue trees with gold leaves with blooming purple flowers.

I look back at my screen and ignore all the reports, I decide to pull up a very old report about this planet.

Planetoid name: Planet 2064 (aka The Oasis)

Location: Around one thousand light-years away from homeworld

Abandoned: Yes

Reason for abandonment (skip over if it was successful): no more materials, to many organics, and large mountains will randomly produce a green liquid that can melt anything

Water coverage: 22% water 78% land

Organics (skip over if none have been found): a lot of organic plants, and a lot of unintelligent flying organics that can breathe water

Diamond ownership: Blue Diamond

How many moons: Three, one with organic plants, and two are mainly just water

Most materials: Silicon, iron, copper, and other minerals. Used to be good for making lapis lazulis and possibly sapphires

Notes: My diamond, the peridots have said that we are running low on materials and the huge mountains that are scattered across the land are filled to the brim with a slimy green liquid that can melt anything, even gems! (But somehow the organics that walk or fly this planet seem to be immune to the liquid so, I and a few others have managed to capture a few to study). So, we have left this planet and await your orders.

-Calcite cut 9l3

I get a random urge to quickly dismiss the screen and get up from my throne, I slam my hand on the panel that opens the doors in front of me. I am greeted by three flights of stairs. I shuffle carefully down the stairs, trying not to slip on my good dress or anything else.

Once i'm on the ground floor I spot Pearl sitting in a chair sketching. "Pearl" I call her name, she slowly looks up at me "I'm going out for a short walk, message me if there are any real emergencies" she silently nods as I open the blue doors in front of me.

I haven't even taken a step outside and I'm already drenched in sweat from how humid the dense jungle is. I let out a slight groan as I put my long light blue hair into a ponytail.

I shift my dress to make it looser then before and I end it just below my knees. I finally start my walk into the muggy jungle, I cautiously make sure that I don't step on any little organics that might be around and so I don't trip on any of the roots of the blue trees.

I could very easily walk around the entire moon in about a few cycles, the moon itself is rather small but with it's very dense (but pretty) jungles, it'd probably take me about a rotation to actually do it. I continue to go deeper and deeper into the jungle, I stop when I come across a small river.

I carefully maneuver my way onto the river bed. The water is an unusually dark shade of blue with very reflective rocks at the bottom.

I stay there for a few minutes until a twig snaps behind me, I whip my head around to where the noise came from. I quickly scramble I onto my feet, my hand hovers over my gem, itching to summon my weapon.

A few seconds go by as anxiety seeps into me, this time the noise of some foliage being moved makes me quickly summon my weapon and turn my entire body towards the second noise.

"Hello?" I nervously call out. I get into a defensive position with my long, blue, scythe. This time it only has one deadly sharp watery blade, but at the end of the long handle is a short little knife.

No one answers, so I lower my defensive position but not my guard. The jungle gets eerily quiet, but the running water seems to be drowning out any other noises.

I slowly turn to face the creek, my nerves are still going crazy, screaming at me that I should run away or do something that isn't just standing there.

And then it all happens very quickly, the second my eyes move down to the small stream a gem lunges at me, but I easily slice it in half.

As soon as it poofs more gems come out of the surrounding trees and bushes. Most I recognize as old quartzes and agates that used to serve me and the other diamonds, they quickly surround me but I slice through a line of them. But more seem to pour out of the forest.

I sigh, as I know that this isn't going to go well for any of us.

"What do you want from me?"  I cry. Many of them pull out their weapons, most have swords or whips, while the ones in the far back have bows.

"Isn't it obvious?" A fairly large four-armed gem steps out from the crowd. She has three eyes, one black and two blue. Her long curly, black and baby blue, hair stops right at her waist.

On her chest is a gem that resembles a sapphire, but the colors are all wrong. Instead of the gorgeous blue it would probably be, it has stripes of black in it. And on her left forearm is another gen, but it resembles a black jasper with stripes of blue in it. And her outfit is a mixture of the old quartz uniforms with a blue diamond on it and a mixture of the sapphire's dress, giving them a short striped skirt.

"N-no. Not really" I try to mask my ever-growing fear.

"Well, then, allow me to explain" the Jasper and Sapphire fusion draws her own weapon, which probably hasn't changed besides the color. Out of the jasper's gem, they pull out a long spikey whip.

"Me and my, heh, friends here" she gestures to the other gems that surrounds me "have decided to riot, or better yet! We've decided to start our own little rebellion!"

"Although it's not very small" she adds as she scratches her chin.

I can feel sweat beads roll down my face, also my gut feels like it's about to send up my breakfast. I take a deep breath in, trying to calm my nerves, but the fusion seemed to notice.

She laughs an evil, wicked, and empty laugh. "Are you, the great, all-powerful, lustrous, Blue Diamond scared?" The fusion smirks "I hope you understand that I'm not going to hurt you" she pauses, then smiles again "well, let me backtrack on that, I'm not going to poof you"

I grip my scythe even tighter then before, waiting for someone to move. "You know I can slice through all of you, like cake" I grit through my teeth

"I'm not sure what cake is, but I seriously doubt that. You see, while you may be bigger then us and faster, I do have numbers on my side, and future vision."

"I know for a fact that the future is never set in stone" I growl.

She laughs again, "you may be right my dear, buuut, I do see many, many, many, possibilities where you come with us" she gives me an unnerving smile "most of them you are unconscious."

And it is at that moment where I snap and swing my sharp blade at her, but she ducks and the deadly blade only grazes her head.

"Attack" she grins evilly.

Almost all of the archers that surround me release their arrows, most of them whistle past me while a few get stuck in my hair.

The first of many waves of gems come rushing towards me, I slice through them with ease. But it isn't until the second wave of small arrows are released that I realize I'm possibly fucked.

Once again, most of the arrows manage to miss me, which I smirk at, but a few have actually managed to dig into my arms, neck, and back.

I let out a slight whimper as the gemlimgs painfully move inside me. But I stupidly work through the pain, cutting down more and more of the small fusion's forces.

I take a split second break to look at their face. But I frown as I see her smiling smugly like she has won the battle. Which, I fear she has.

I spend at least five more minutes, barely poofing any more of the fusion's soldiers. I, unfortunately, can feel myself losing energy quickly, my muscles start to burn, the pain in my belly is starting to flare up more, and I can see myself get more sluggish by the second.

As soon as I cut through the last of the archers, I hear the fusion curse to herself. I smirk as I quickly get the upper hand, I've definitely cut through more than three-fourths of her troops.

"You—don't need to—do this," I say between breaths.

"Yes, I do, you don't understand. I have a very flawless plan" she runs a stripped hand through her hair.

"Would you care to tell?" I ask.

She laughs a very, very, empty laugh "Ah, my diamond, you're very funny. I unfortunately have to say no to that request."

Out of nowhere, pain wracks through my entire system. I fall hard onto my knees and I painfully clutch onto my baby belly.

"Ah-ha!" The fusion points at me "Didn't I tell you! I knew she would be beaten" the fusion happily talks to herself.

She shakes away her joy and walks up to my face, "aaand, didn't Yellow Diamond warn you about the dangers of stressing yourself out too much?" The gem taunts.

"F-fuck—y-you" I barely say through the pain. Exhaustion seeps quietly into me, over masked by all the pain I feel.

"Don't worry you're pretty little head, I told you I'm not going to poof you. Although I would've liked to do that, but you're much, much more valuable to me in this state" the fusion uses two of her four arms to summon something.

The sound of an engine turning on catches my attention. My tired eyes slide upwards, and something very big and shiny appears in my line of sight.

"I-is that a ship?" I weakly ask "where did you get that?" I whisper the last part to myself.

"Good job! Ten points to you" the gem summons a large black bubble around us.

"Where—where are you taking me?" I tiredly ask.

"Hmm, a cell" the fusion chirps "if you'd like a more specific answer, far away...away from this place...in space!"

I close my eyes for a second and when I open them I'm in a large room, with no windows, and the only exit large a large electric wall that will definitely hurt if I touch it.

I move onto my stiff back, I stare up at the metal ceiling....This is going to be a longer journey than expected..

Dammit...

[properweirdparker]

Someone Cool (Peter Parker x Fem!Reader)

a/n: aight this is my first fic so it's gonna be booty butt cheek no doubt. let me know what you think and I do take constructive criticism *sobbing intensifies*. but lemme know if you wanna be tagged for future fics n shit. The song in this fic is called fallingforyou by The 1975 which you can listen to here:

Summary: The daily life of Peter Parker is not as easy as it seems. With being a part time hero and part time awkward nerd trying to finish his last year of high school, he can't help but feel as if the world is weighing down on him. As if he is expected to be on top of things in his double life. Luckily he has someone who helps as a distraction from his chaotic life and reminds him he is more than the suit and powers.

Peter couldn't help but feel as if he was gonna explode. There was no way anyone could take on the responsibilities he had without going insane, and Peter was pretty sure he was about to lose it - assuming he hasn't already. Not only does he have a physics test at the end of the week that he did not begin to study for yet, he also needs to stay out longer than his usual hours in the night to patrol the area. The latter of the two leaves him feeling exhausted to even study for the former.

Lately, Peter has been feeling as if he has a heavy weight on his shoulders wherever he goes. As Spider-Man, he is expected to always be there whenever he was needed. It was a service he should never turn away from, not that he ever would, but he can't help but feel that being Spider-Man is starting to become a huge burden on his part. He feels horrible for thinking that since there are people out there that really needed his help, but this job has been taking away from his normal life as Peter Parker. Nevertheless he keeps those thoughts to himself, not wanting to come off as selfish.

Despite the chaos he attracts being Spider-Man and the add on stress he accumulates from trying to keep up with his normal life, Peter always knows who exactly to turn to whenever it gets too much for him. His best friend Y/n Y/l/n, who he met at the start of their freshman year, was always able to take his mind off from reality and just allow him to exist peacefully. Of course she didn't know he was Spider-Man at first but eventually she found out - Peter isn't exactly a master of subterfuge - and she was completely understanding as too why he kept it a secret.

What Peter loved most about his friendship with Y/n is that she leaves him alone without actually leaving him. She never strings up a conversation about anything to do with him being Spider-Man or about different assignments he forgot to finish for various classes. He appreciates it, he appreciates her for it. She was just what he needed, a distraction from everything.

Y/n would always strike up conversations about different things whenever Peter comes to her. If he is tired from his patroling duties and needs to rest a bit, he swings by Y/n's house and she tells him about this new book she is reading that has a character with the same name as him but differs in personality. If he is upset because a teacher of his randomly gives out a pop quiz for which he, well, no one was prepared for, Peter would find Y/n after school so he could walk her home all the while she brings up the topic of alien existence and how she feels it is selfish of people to think we are the only living creatures in the galaxy. He would have to introduce her to Thor one day, they'd hit it off immediately.

"Like are you kidding me? There is more to all of this and you have the nerve to say I'll believe it when I see it!? Imbeciles!!" She huffs as Peter laughs at her outburst, seeming to have forgotten why he was so upset in the first place.

Or if he just wants to hang out with someone he finds cool Peter would invite Y/n over to his house and she would talk about the two ladybugs that landed on her right shoulder earlier that day. Trying to figure out what it could mean and she would ask Peter what he thinks off it, genuinely wanting to hear his thoughts on this - another thing he loved about their friendship.

All these things are a part of the many reasons as to why he started to gain feelings for the y/h/c haired girl. She is so absorbed in knowing he is more than just Spider-Man. She reminds him that he is not the center of the world just because he saved it a couple times and he never chose to be either. To Y/n he was just Pete, her kind friend who helps to carry her many books she borrows from the library home so she won't struggle with it. Her amazing friend who she always asks for his input on certain things so she can have more perspective. He never found her irritating or weird whenever she would ramble on about anything she deemed interesting and she appreciated that. For Peter she was just Y/n, the girl that needs him to hold her things from time to time as she tells him about the latest updates on the many conspiracy theories she finds interesting. He wanted her to be more than just what they are to each other though he didn't know if she felt the same way at all.

It took Peter a while to come to terms with the fact that he had feelings for Y/n. It started off with him noticing small little details about the girl like the little strands of hair that were left out when she would put her hair up in a bun or ponytail. Or whenever she would be doing anything like making a snack or doing other small things, she would make a little song out of it and sing it to herself while completing these tasks, which he found absolutely adorable. He caught her singing about making soup one time while she was putting said soup on the stove to heat up once, he really wished he had brought his phone with him so he could record it. Even smaller details he notices like how her eyes would sparkle a bit whenever she talked about her favorite books or movies. At first Peter mistaked all of this as just his admiration for the y/h/c haired girl but it never stopped with the observations.

Peter found himself missings his best friend's presence a lot. Even after only a few hours of seeing her, he wanted to be with her again and listen to her talk for hours on end. He didn't know why at first but he just blew it off as nothing.

As time went on, Peter knew he couldn't deny it any longer. He knew why he was feeling these things but he just didn't want to believe it because then it would change everything. If she didn't feel the same way then it would totally ruin their friendship, everything would just be awkward and he would not be able to go to her when things ever get hard for him because he would be too embarrassed. He didn't want to jeopordize their friendship so he kept his feelings to himself. Thinking it would be for the best because these feelings were only one sided. He couldn't be more wrong.

Y/n invited Peter over after school so they could study together for their upcoming physics test, god knows Peter absolutely needed it. His duties as Spider-Man barley left him any time to study at all. Luckily for him, Happy let him have a couple of days off to prepare for it, after much persuasion.

They were both sitting on her bed looking through their notes and quizzing each other from time to time. An hour had passed and Y/n, bored out of her mind, decides that they should take a little break.

"Alright I'm beat, lets take a break yeah?" She looks to Peter and he agrees.

"Yeah a break sounds good, I'll go get those cookies your mom made from the fridge. Be right back." He then got off her bed to go to the kitchen.

Y/n then decided to play some music so she connects her phone to her speaker and puts her music on shuffle. She smiles when fallingforyou by The 1975 starts playing and she softly sings along to it.

What time you coming home?

We started losing light

I'll never get it right

If you don't want me 'round

I'm so excited for the night

All we need's my bike

And your enormous house

Peter came back with the cookies and stopped by the doorway when he heard Y/n’s voice. He just stood there in awe while she sung softly with her eyes closed. He smiled and his heart swelled at the sight. He knew she liked to sing but he never really got to hear her voice until now. Peter honestly couldn't be more infatuated with her than in this moment.

Y/n opened her eyes when she felt a presence and blushed when she saw Peter standing by the door smiling at her.

"Your voice is beautiful Y/n." Peter walked towards the bed and placed the cookies down then looked at the her and smiled when he saw her blush more.

"Thanks Pete." She bashfully smiled back and they stared at each other for a bit until she finally worked up the courage to say this next thing.

"Um, do you wanna dance with me? I mean you don't have to but I just love this song and I've always wanted to dance to it but-"

Peter cut her off with a smile "I'd love to."

They both stood up and faced each other in the middle of the room. Y/n moved closer and placed her hands on Peter's shoulders and Peter hesitantly put his hands on her waist. They then started to sway as the music softly played in the background.

Don't you see me I

I think I'm falling, I'm fallingforyou

And don't you need me I

I think I'm falling, I'm fallingforyou

And on this night

And in this light

I think I'm falling, I'm fallingforyou

And maybe you will change your mind

Y/n moved closer to lean her head on Peter's chest and he hoped that she wouldn't notice how fast his heart was beating in that moment. He wanted to tell the girl how he felt about her so badly but he just didn't want to risk losing their friendship. She just made him feel so many things that he couldn't help but want more than this.

According to your heart

My place is not deliberate

The feeling of your arms

"I can hear the gears in your head turning rapidly Pete. Penny for your thoughts?" The girl on his mind chuckled and looked up at him smiling. God he loved her smile.

"It's-It's nothing I just-" he sighed and she tilted her head in confusion, waiting for him to finish.

I don't wanna be your friend

I wanna kiss your neck

Screw it he thought and leaned in until his lips connected with hers. Y/n's eyes widened for just a split second before she closed her eyes and kissed him back. Her hands tangling into his soft brown locks while his hands gripped her waist and pulled her closer.

They both pull back when air was needed and Y/n leaned her forehead against Peter's. They both were smiling at each other and the latter spoke up.

"I've been wanting to do that for the longest time you know." He chuckled softly and she giggled and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"Me too Peter." They both shared a laugh and with that they leaned in to kiss once more as the song was finishing it's course.

Don't you see me I

I think I'm falling, I'm fallingforyou

And don't you need me I

I think I'm falling, I'm fallingforyou

And on this night

And in this light

I think I'm falling, I'm fallingforyou

And maybe you will change your mind

[bentenharuki]

I generally don’t do these but...

I will do this because it’s a badge of honor and a thank you for @todayintokyo who gives me a daily vibe out of my second fav Country in the world (first one is my own, of course. My messy, chaotic, genius Italy).

So for everyone interested (I won’t tag people either... if you are among my 250+ readers, do it as freely as you like to share this unexpected hard time along others. Sharing makes us all feel less stranded I guess :)) 

1. Are you staying home from work/school? Yep. My University (Milano Bicocca) holds in-house lessons and curses and also exams and testing are/will be online. What I miss most are the lab works and the exchanges with foreign schools. I took one a few months ago in London and I was supposed to have another in May but... NOPE, of course.

2. If you’re staying home, who’s there with you? I am alone in my apartment. At first it was supposed to be shared rent with somebody else but then my parents just bought this out and lent it to me. I know. I am spoiled. But very grateful for what I have. I always try to give back the best I can because no one has merits in being born in a family instead of another. (pieces of second-rate philosophy in all my LONG answers courtesy of my mum and her influence on me. She’s a University Professor and her field is.. guess what.. ETHICS PHILOSOPHY)

3. Do you have pets to keep you company? Nope. Not allowed. But I like cats. Cats. CATS. They are elegant, refined, very clean, and they give you consideration and affection ONLY if they like you. I prefer to conquer somebody’s love instead than to have it by default. Then I am naturally a cat person instead of a dog’s. But I like all animals (I like snakes as well, so my range is pretty wide ;)), even though I don’t feel missing any in  house. Generally I would be out of home most of the day and no pet would be happy in staying that much alone. I miss my grandparents’ kitty tho :)

4. Who do you miss the most? Family. Friends. Meeting new people when out. And... (is it fine to say it?) Well... in these lockdown times I miss... human touch. (You get what kind). I was seeing a guy when this all started and my old boyf also came back into the picture somehow. All on hold. And I avoid to think how that makes me feel because even in case I’d figure it out, what comes if one can’t act on the awareness? Exactly. So I put it all in a LONG pause. But yeah... I miss contacts. A LOT.

5. When was the last time you left your home? I go out every Thursday to buy all my grocery stuff. I am very methodic. My supermarket is pretty near and it’s BIG and I get there right before it opens (well... one hour almost before it opens, so I can be among the firsts in line). I look like a ninja: very sporty and technically dressed (like for a running competition!) with clothes and shoes which are easy washable, tech mask (it is for cycling competition, with filters specifically medical: the mask is washable as well after you’ve used it, while the filter is obviously not), cotton fit gloves and over them medical gloves (I can’t wear directly medical gloves because my skin is very sensitive and I suffer from nickel allergia, which makes latex gloves a NO NO directly on skin), teck googles which cover also the side of my face (those are from cycling items too) and of course PODS in my ear because I can’t live without music :)

6. What was the last thing you bought? I bought online a few garden tools for my biggest balcony. I have ZERO skill with plants (and I am supposed to become a biologist... the nerve! LOL) but I am keen at making grow at least rosemery for my recipes. I have a little peach tree and it is all fine so far. I have hope I can do better and anyway I have time now ;)

7. Is quarantine driving you insane or are you finally relaxed? I try to keep my routine as it was before. I wake up and perform all my tasks exactly as I was doing before this all started. I am VERY organized and to lax on that would ruin me, so I carefully focus on what I can control the best I can. It feels strange to say it maybe but... this way my mood isn’t particularly affected by this heavy revolution in my (and everyone elses’s) life.

8. Are you a homebody? NOPE. I love people, I love my Milan and its being always full of people everywhere. I love living in my town a TON, I love meeting friends anywhere, go dancing, I love to live my University life in this beautiful and renewed part of Milan; I like being surrounded by my people and meeting new ones. So being stuck at home would seem insufferable for me. But I learnt from this (there’s always something to learn in any experience) that I can be surprisingly ok with staying home too. I came to know better my neighbors. I feel a sense of community with everyone living nearby and I have come to love my domesticity too. It was a surprise for me first ^.^

9. What movies have you watched recently? In Italy, Italia 1 channel has had the WONDERFUL idea to rebroadcast all Harry Potter saga every Monday and Thursday. Today and tomorrow there are the last two installments, so I can say that is what I looked out the most for as in movie things these past weeks (funny how I never particularly adored the books of HP, I mean, I liked them but... being a Tolkien’s devotee Rowlings’ literary efforts always seemed lackluster to me.. and still I have always liked the movies. It’s incoherent I know ;)). But I have Sky at home so I can watch whatever movie I like to whenever I want to. And that leads to VERY little watch actually. I am reading a ton though. I watch what passes on in the National channels actually, out of digital and cable and decide to watch it or not. For instance last Friday Rai 1 (main Italian Channel) broadcasted one of my fav movies from the past three years, GIFTED (with Chris Evans and Octavia Spencer) and I rewatched it with immense pleasure.

10. An event that you were looking forward to that got cancelled? OLYMPICS. I was supposed to be back in Japan with a a couple of friends and my bro for experience the Olympics (especially the volleyball tournaments) between July and August and that got (of course) cancelled. We plan to move it all to next year of course. But it hurts SO MUCH because it was easily what I was looking forward to BEST for all 2020. Hands down.

11. What’s the best and worst thing you’ve had to cancel? Look up. For the other question, I never plan things I don’t like (or at least I try my best not to) and I almost never find myself in the position of being happy for something I had going on which I had to pass due to circumstances. I am a very honest (sometimes to the point of bluntness, though with age I got trained in the fine art of diplomacy, which for me is declined especially in the “IGNORE WHAT IS NOT WORTHY degree) person and if there is something I don’t like I tend to not get involved with it in the first place.

12. Do you have any new hobbies? Eh... the longest list... I love so many things. Sport don’t count as hobbies to me because I treat them as part of my daily life constantly. So take them off. I like to write, to draw, to paint... I like reading, I like learning... I am a tech geek; I like gaming (but that I have to cut it or it would absorb me too much)... I like TRAVELING (that is cut off too of course nowadays), and many other things so I guess I don’t literally have SPACE for new hobbies. My many ones makes it impossible to fall for new things though lately I am becoming a better cook out of needs ;)

13. What are you out of? My lists are made as soon my things become “two items in from having 0″. This way I can’t run out of anything. Did I say already I am a HUGE control freak? THAT ;)

14. What music are you listening to? My itunes collections lists so far 12376 ALBUMS. Then I have the random songs. Latest one I bought (because I buy them all) is Achille Lauro’s latest 16 Marzo 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yb-9RESbeWA

I am also listening a lot to one of my bro’s fav bands Radiohead and as usual a lot to my beloved Imagine Dragons. My mum and dad are also telling me to listen to Bill Withers (who recently passed away) whole discography because he was amazing. I love many music genres. I love ALL which makes the spirit soar and rage and evolve and love and cry and hope.

15. What are you reading? So far in quarantine I read 5 books. I have now to start ORIGINS by Dan Brown. I pick the books I have left unread randomly and that was the pick this time (people gift me with books constantly because they know I am a bookworm when I have spare time).

16. What are you doing for self-care? Keep loving myself and life and the world exactly the way I used to before this all started.

17. Are you exercising? Yup. Tapis roulant, golf training, stepper (all in my house lucky me) and mat and weight training. I have a routine for which I have to train at least one hour a day. NO EXCEPTION. I miss swimming but I will do. I am also in recovery after January’s knee meniscus intervention so my schedules are also taking that into consideration.

18. How’s your toilet paper supply? I'm OK. :)

19. Have you made any changes to your hair during quarantine? Nope. I love to stylize my hair but I don’t have specific cuts. It grows long and then I play with them hairstyles: braids, buns, ponytails, partitions and the likes.. But I have bleached hair and I had to follow my hairdresser advice because I can’t allow ugly roots to take dominance of me ^.^ So I bought the necessary to self bleach them. No need to say as soon as I will be able to, Hairdressers and Massages and SPA will be my first destination ^.^ (beside visiting family and friends of course).

I am fairly sure I put lots of typos and mistakes in this but I have my online lesson just starting in 8 minutes and I can’t review this (I generally never do it anyway). So forgive me and have a beautiful day ;)

STAY SAFE OUT THERE!!! Hugs K.

[translationandbetrayals]

Animal Crossing had a movie?

Most people can agree that doing chores is boring, but what if you could make them in the virtual world?. The answer is pretty fun, actually. Today I will be talking about the Animal Crossing Movie that was released in 2006 in Japan, but first let talk about the game that started it all!

The game Animal Crossing was first released in 2001 as a Japan-only game called Doubutsu no Mori.

Doubutsu no Mori (Animal forest in english) was originally developed as an RPG for the Nintendo 64DD, but later they decided to rather release it for the Nintendo 64. Since the 64DD had better hardware capabilities than the original 64, a lot of changes had to be done: the RPG elements(such as dungeons and bosses) were scrapped. Although the game’s main features were kept: the relationship with the animals and an environment that progresses in real life time. This last one was one of the most important things of the game, as one day in real life was also one day in Doubutsu no Mori. Many things were time gated, which made coming back every day a really fun and interesting adventure.

The game is about you, a human kid, moving to an Animal Village to live a simple life surrounded by trees and a lot of talking animals. You can collect fruits, bugs, fossils, decorate your home and most importantly, interact with all of the animals, each one of them having a different personality and traits(hence the “Communication Game” label in the box).

The game features a  simple gameplay, it is not focused in any particular goals, as the player can interact with the game in any way they want to. The game most unique feature is that each player experience is different; the Village you live in is randomly generated and the villagers that live in them are chosen randomly from a list. 

A couple of moths after the release of Doubutsu no Mori, the game was ported to the Gamecube as Doubutsu no Mori+, adding some extra features. Most importantly, the game was also released worldwide as Animal Crossing. This version of the game wasn’t just a translation though, instead the team of Nintendo of America had to do a lot of localization work, after all, the original game was full of japanese culture references. For example, the Bell Shrine was replaced for a wishing well, and Hatsumoude for New Years Eve. Some furniture and clothing were also removed or replaced. But it wasn’t just a work of removing, they also included a lot of new events such as Thanksgiving, April Fools and even Spring Cleaning. Later, Animal crossing was ported back to japan as Doubutsu No mori e+, due to the game having a lot of interesting new stuff.

All four iterations of the game

In 2005 a sequel was released for the Nintendo DS, Oideyo Doubutsu no mori, or Animal Crossing: Wild World in America. The game was total a hit. It sold very very well, so Nintendo decided to capitalize on this by making a feature-length film based on the game.

*Side note, I’ll be using both Japanese and English names for the characters like this: Japanese(English), also, Spoilers Ahead

Gekijouban Doubutsu No Mori (The Animal Forest Movie) released in 2006, it’s a very special and weird movie. It doesn’t follow the classical 3 act structure of most western films, so to me it felt a little strange. Many times during the film I was like “Oh, maybe the movie is gonna be about this”, but no, the movie doesn’t do that.

The intro sequence is just like in the game, the -human- protagonist Ai is travelling in a taxi with Kappei(Kapp’n) and talking about her destination: Doubutsu Mura(Animal Village). The film has a lot references to the game, and when I say a lot, I mean a lot. The introduction sequence is just the first of many.

Intro sequence, movie vs game

After Ai arrives at the Animal Village, we begin a very long but charming introduction sequence. We start meeting the characters that we will be seeing throughout the film, each one of which exude a lot of personality from the very first moment we see them. This helps to build a familiar atmosphere to the one in the game. It’s incredible how much they nailed this, because anywhere the movie goes, each detail reminds you of the game; whether it is the gorgeous backgrounds, the awesome music, familiar locations and the way characters act and speak.

Ai visiting Able Sisters, a location in the game too

I think that this rich atmosphere is something that’s both good and bad. Yes, it makes you feel really at home if you are familiar with the game, but it can make you very confused if you are not. For example, one of the other human characters, Yuu, is seen wearing different outfits throughout the film, something that’s a big part of the game and it might not make you question anything at first, but then we see him wearing facial hair, and then a monk ponytail. Also there is an scene where Totakeke(K.K. Slider) is introducing himself in japanese, but then he starts singing like he sings in the game(high pitched nonsensical sounds), and again, if you are not familiar with the game you are gonna be really confused.

Totakeke

Anyway, after a while we are introduced to our main cast, Yuu which is a human kid from another village; and three animals Buuke(Rosie), Sarii(Margie) and Aruberuto(Alfonso). Yuu is a representation of a more advanced player, we can see him doing stuff you do in the game like catching bugs or making villagers fall into holes, wearing different outfits and hunting for treasure.

Ai and Sarii

Out of the three Animal characters the most important is Sarii, she becomes Ai’s first friend, and a lot of the plot is based around the relationship between these two characters. We learn that Sarii has a dream of becoming a fashion designer, because of this she later leaves the Village(another thing that can happen in the game), but without telling Ai, this leaves her with a sad feeling, although this inspires her to pursue her own dream or “cherry pie” as both friends used to refer to their dream or passion. She was very puzzled about what her “cherry pie” was, but out of nowhere a series of bottles with a letter inside start to appear on the chore(this also happens in the game!), the letters have cryptic messages about planting Pine trees so that a miracle could occur during the Winter Festival. Ai realizes that this is her chance so she follows what the letters said. 

Animal Village during the Winter Festival

When the moment finally comes a UFO appears in the sky, with no other than Jonii(Gulliver) inside, he ask the people of the village for help to find the 5 missing pieces of his ship(this event can also happen in the game). The villagers quickly realize that he is not a real alien, but decide to help him anyway. Ai and her friends start searching for the pieces, and when they find the last one they realize that there are 6 parts instead of 5. This extra part wasn’t one of Jonii’s missing pieces, instead they discover that it’s actually a baby UFO that stranded on the village. A series of real UFOs start to appear in the sky, as the little baby UFO starts moving and gets healed of its wound thanks to a ray from what seems to be the mother ship. The UFOs leave, but before they leave a surprise: Ali’s face in the sky.

The villagers are really impressed by this, so much in fact that they decide that the winner of that year Winter Festival should be Ai. After this the movie ends with a final message from Ai,saying that this was the first time that she really felt part of the Animal Village.

  As a fan of animal crossing I can say that it’s a great movie. You can clearly see that there was a lot of effort and care put into making this movie feel as much as the game as possible. They even brought people that work in the original games to help make the movie. 

But the movie also has some flaws. There are many subplots in the movie, like Apollo’s flowers or his relationship with Bianka(Whitney), that go nowhere. They are not addressed after they are set up, and it kinda feels like they just didn’t have enough time to develop these stories properly. Some other subplots, like when they into a cave looking for fossils, feel too short and kinda out of place. I’m not saying that these are not enjoyable moments, but they are not used for anything else. This makes me feel like this shouldn’t have been a movie, if anything it should have been an anime, or maybe a series of OVAs. The little stories would have worked way much better if it was a TV series instead of just one film, where it feels like they crammed as many stories as they could.

But don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel like this ruins the entire movie. Personally, this just leaves me with an empty feeling, like I really crave more movie. Sadly there was never a part 2, even though the movie sold well. And what pisses me off the most, is the fact that the movie was never released worldwide(just like many other anime/movies/games nintendo has done in the past). I discovered the existence of this movie not a long ago. Nintendo aired the film again(Japan only) in March of this year due to the release of Animal Crossing New Horizons, but still no worldwide release :( 

There’s a lot of humor and charm in every scene, and it really makes for enjoyable movie. I’d recommend you to watch it, even more so if you are an Animal Crossing fan.

  I would like to leave with my favourite quote from the movie:

“When you are starving, you become sad. And when you are sad, you become hungry.”

Luis Sobarzo

[aviationfiction]

XXI

Autumn Dupont

“I can’t wait for you to get here so you can try on your gown. Autumn, it’s so freaking gorgeous. The pale toned pink is perfect and you know you have that sun kissed skin with that super weird yet intriguing mystical glow to it that every woman on earth would kill for, so that’s certainly going to bring it to another level.”

My body turned to yet another angle as I did my best to get a good look at my tightly drawn back ponytail. While listening to Heather pour out her vexation, thrill, and anxiety about her wedding over the past thirty minutes, I’d been working with a curling iron, a flat iron, and my overthinking mind as I did my best to get it to the look of perfection that I envisioned. Initially, I worked loose curls into the ends to create a nice bounce to it but I wasn’t a fan of the look about five minutes later so that resulted in me flat ironing every single strand until they were straighten and cascading down my back. After having checked the weather, there was no way possible that I’d risk wearing my hair loose and allowing it to join the hundred and four degree weather in torturing my body. Supposedly, today’s a cool day and if those numbers represent what’s supposed to be cool, then I don’t want to be here when the temperature reaches absurd numbers.

“You heard me?”

“Yes, I did. First, I don’t know what glow you’re speaking of. I don’t see it and I’m looking at myself in the mirror as we speak. Second, I truly hope the dress fits my body properly and that it’s your final choice. I’m not allowing you to take me through the strain of last minute changes, Bridezilla.”

I dug both hands into my cosmetic bag to find my recent goto NARS lip gloss and nearly emptied out all of it’s contents onto the counter top. I contemplated doing somewhat of a full face of make up and the thought of looking like melted clay ceased my efforts. Instead, I applied a tinted moisturizer to my face, filled in my brows, applied just a bit of mascara for depth to my slightly sleep eyes, and now my last step is the lip gloss, if I didn’t forget the pack it. I’ve done my best to be as naked as possible without being indecent and yet I still feel like I’m overdressed for the heat that I’m about to endure. These acid washed cut off shorts are nearly short enough to be considered a pair of denim panties and the pure white crop tank top I’d chosen to wear with them left more than enough of my belly exposed and yet I could already sense how much sweat I’d be covered in within minutes. I just about clicked my heels when I noticed that there was an indoor pool and that’s where I planned to spend at least a nice portion of my day but one phone call tossed that out of the window.

“You ready Peaches?” I swiftly turned my head in the direction of the bathroom’s entrance and narrowed my eyes at Dante as he poked his head inside and took a look at me. Unlike usual, our eyes didn’t meet. Instead he took the time to exam every single article of clothing that I chose for his planned outing and he slowly trailed his intense brown eyes up until they were staring at my set of green. Instinctively, my feet took a step back from the counter and I slightly twisted my body to stretch away the tingling running along my spine and dancing within the depths of my abdomen. He arrived nearly three hours ago after having changed out of his business attire and freshened up for the afternoon and he fell into a slumber on the couch of my two bedroom suite while watching The Brothers. I assured him that while he napped, I’d began to get ready for whatever he planned but that transitioned into a bit of a white lie as I plopped down on the love seat and shamefully leered at him while he slept. The sight of his chest peacefully heaving up and down and the low breaths that escaped his soft lips entranced my mind and left me in a state of stillness. My heart swelled at the sight of every deep sleep grimace he’d make and I craved to be just a small part of whatever dream had his mind occupied. While his thickened eyebrows served as a clear source of his masculinity, the slightly curled set of eyelashes and his supple blushed lips softened his face to create the unbelievably perfect mesh of handsome and beautiful all at once.

Andreas is beautiful. I often thought of his appearance as unrealistic and had no issue deeming the man to be the one with all of the beauty within our marriage. Though it left my stomach churning from time to time, I expected women to gawk at him without any regard for my presence and it was of no surprise to me that my husband was often the one being lusted over before any of the players for the Miami Heat or for any NBA team, period. Though he’d do his best to take a nonchalant approach to it, he knew and he often joked about it whenever he felt compelled to irritate me for having irked his nerves at the wrong time or for the self pleasure of teasing me about an unspoken insecurity. Either way, his beauty has always been at the forefront of us and I grew accustomed to it. In no way am I comparing the two but there’s something about Dante that is so refreshing within that aspect. It’s not just his humble obliviousness and detachment from his attractiveness, but also his cultivated masculinity and imperfections that serve as the stepping stone for why he embodies what it means to be a man.

“Who is that?” As Heather questioned the foreign voice she heard in the background, I gave Dante a thumbs up and a playful side eye for the nickname he decided to give me yesterday and has refuse to let up on. With a nod of his head, he turned away to leave me to the wrap up what I had left to do.

“You heard me?” My hand finally set on the lip gloss I’d been searching for and I quickly opened up the tube and applied a coat to my top and bottom lip.

“That was Dante.” I had no reason to lie to her and there was nothing that I could make up off of the top of my head that would make much sense. She knows what I currently do for a living, she knows who my boss is because I told her, and she knows damn well there’s no man that I’d be bringing along with me for work related trips. Though I tend to avoid to the topic, she’s been curious about the dynamic between the two of us ever since we randomly decided to hang out in his nightclub after having a cost less dinner upstairs in his restaurant. The visual of the two of us speaking at the bar wrote a narrative for both Heather and Rachel that they refuse to let go of. Both women seem to believe they know my body language and reactions to men better than I do.

“He’s currently in your hotel room? Well, that makes things more interesting. Then again, it’s been that way. Your Instagram page currently looks like a traveler’s guide and I know for a fact that you’re not doing all of those outings alone. You can be somewhat of a loner when you want to be, but I’m not stupid.”

“I’ve never said that you’re stupid. We hang out. It’s been a couple of months and I can admit that a friendship has formed, so we hang out. It’s purely platonic; friendly. The friendship we have is no different from any other friendship I have. Granted your my best friend, so I’d say he’s a good friend. That’s fair enough.” I placed the lip gloss into the front pocket of my backpack along with my Apple charger and wallet. I left the inside empty for bottles of water.

We passed by a VANS store yesterday at Fredrick’s request while Dante was taking care of business and I couldn’t help but to fall in love with a sepia colored polka dot backpack that I saw hanging up on the wall. I asked for it without a second thought and a salesmen wouldn’t be doing his job without showing me something that would perfectly go along with the bag and mine did so when he paired the bag with a pair of the “Old Skool” classic skate shoes. The match made in heaven wasn’t one that I could turn down and was certainly worth the money, but my debit card never paid for the hundred and eight buck total. Fredrick physically and mentally blocked me from the counter as he uttered Dante’s request to look after me and make sure I was taken care of until he returned. What I took as a joke to laugh at was far more serious than it should have been for both of his best friends as we walked through The Fashion Show Mall. Though I didn’t necessarily want anything else, it didn’t stop them from offering me to choose something of my liking whenever we entered stores of their choice. Ice cream and lunch at Ruth Chris was on Mike. Today, I’m putting Fredrick’s gifts to use.

“You’re comparing our friendship with the one you have with him?”

“No. You’re my best friend. There’s no comparison to make.”

“I also don’t have a dick.”

“I’m aware of that. Also, his genitalia has absolutely nothing to do with me nor is it on my mind.” Well, at least not while I’m awake so, that’s not dishonesty on my end. After our eventful night at his golden nightclub and the time we spent reclined in the leather seats of his Aston Martin, the short nap I took was even shorter than it was supposed to be as I forced myself to end it. I needed the fantasy of Dante being buried between my thighs while I thrust my body to and from his in the front seat of his car to cease. That dream was the pioneer for the dream I had throughout last night that ruined my chances of an attempt to sleep in today. I’d like to think that I’m simply reliving my teenage years once more; or maybe it’s those early twenties that I missed out on. Fantasies are just that; moments when you absentmindedly muster up outrageous thoughts about something or someone out of your reach. I cannot recall any real celebrity or even average civilian crushes that I’ve had some years back and as a married woman the last thing I was thinking about was other men, though I wanted to out of spite. I’m going to deem these absolutely out of line visions of my boss and myself as a bit of that with an added dose of immaturity on my end. I suppose that’s what happens when you either encounter or fan girl over someone that’s out of your league and unattainable.

“Are you sure about that? It never crossed your mind when he was damn near pressed against your body that night?”

“No, it didn’t. Why would it? I told you that he and I have a friendship. It’s a fairly new friendship.”

“You say that like it’s a foreign concept for a man and a woman to start off as friends before taking it to the next level. Do you know how long that’s been happening? Not everyone meets someone and immediately either works towards or just jumps into a relationship. Friendship is often the stepping stone.”

“Yeah, well that isn’t the case between he and I. There’s nothing going on. I know you poke fun at me for being this extremely secretive person but I’m not hiding anything here. We’re just cool.”

“What do you like about him?”

“I don’t like him.” A huffed slipped past my lips and I pulled both straps of the backpack over my shoulders and slightly adjusted it so it’d be aligned perfectly with my back. While spinning in the mirror, I chuckled as I thought about Dante telling me I looked fifteen years old two days ago. I could admit that this look made me look no more than the age of a high school senior. It’s the ponytail and hoop earrings doing it more than anything.

“Why are you being so defensive? I’m asking that in general. You have to like something about him in order to consider him a friend of yours.”

“He’s just a good guy. He’s personable, kind, and a great listener. He gives good advice and is encouraging. He’s cultured and willing to teach without being an arrogant know it all. He’s funny in his own little way. He’s fun. He’s very humble and I respect that so much. He’s someone who knows so much; damn near everything and yet he doesn’t allow that to control who he is, how he carries himself, and what he represents. I respect that.”

“That’s a lot of description for someone that you’re only friendly with.”

“If someone were to ask me about you, I’d hope that you’d believe that I could give them a detailed and accurate description of how I feel about you and what you represent as a woman, because if not, then we have some issues.”

“Oh please. Don’t give me that bullshit. We’ve been friends since you and I were kids. So yeah, I’d expect that. You’ve been knowing this man for a couple of months through work and from what you just said to me, I’d think he’s been in your life for a couple of years. You’re going to tip toe but whatever. Say you do like him and you’re interested in something more; what’s the problem with that?”

“There’s a lot of of problems with that and it’s not the case.”

“What’s the problem?” If I had the time or the actual will to do so, I’d run down the pages upon pages of issues that would go into he and I being anything beyond what we already are. We’ve already crossed a couple of boundaries that are too far behind us to ever backtrack but there is no doubt that we’re going to be right here, at this point, throughout the duration of us working together because that’s the way it needs to be. I’m not even sure how long I’m going to be working as a corporate flight attendant. Though I enjoy the traveling and being able to see the world without having to spend a dime out of my pocket on flights, hotels, or food due to the company and the perks of having a company credit card, it’s time consuming and there’s a cap on how far I can excel. I can’t allow a favor for my brother to turn into my entire life and I certainly cannot allow a favor to turn into a nightmare for him. He’d have a conniption if he found out about just a small amount of what Dante and I have been doing with our work and personal time since being introduced to one another by him. It’s no secret that our relationship has a significant amount of damage and our story has some tattered pages but my God, I’d toss the most potent gasoline on the blaze that is his disappointment if he knew or if this goes any further than it needs to due to my foolishness and hopeless romantic being. Yet again, I’m teetering on the edge of destroying my relationship with my family and possibly pursuing a man that’s too far out of my league and would all but leave me shattered by the way of my own doings.

“Heather, I just got a divorce. The ink on that shit hasn’t even dried yet. As I look at my left hand, I can still somewhat see the print from my engagement ring and eternity band still on my ring finger. Take a step back and imagine how that would look. I’d be jumping from one relationship to another without any regard. Shit, it’d look like I was doing so while still very much so in the marriage. Situations like that need time to subside and it needs to make sense. I also need that sigma on me to die down some, you know? The whole someone’s ex-wife and sloppy seconds thing. He filled for the divorce. I’m the woman who was left for another; the cultural woman with the worldly job position by the way. I don’t have the greatest image right now. In addition to that, I’m not his type.”

Silence fell between the two of us as I leaned against the counter top and grimaced at the thought of what I just explained. I’ve seen far more than enough online, heard it on the radio from some of the most known radio personalities, and I’ve seen the brutal comments on social media. If it’s not about the decision I’ve made in walking away with nothing of his, it’s my idiocy for allowing another woman to come in and ruined what I built. Then there’s the viewpoint about my lack of a backbone or the women who have been digging as much as they can to find some type of scandal within my background or by my doing within our marriage so they can alleviate Andreas of any blame. As far as men, I’ve read plenty of “show me a beautiful woman, and I’ll show you a man who’s tired of fucking her” comments. Aside from that, no one wants me to shed the identity of being Andreas’ ex-wife. I’ve been offered a couple of book deals to tell all of our dirty laundry for some millions and the possibility of being on the New York Times Best Seller list. Shaunie O’Neal offered me to join Evelyn Lozada, Jennifer Williams, Tami Roman, and a few other ladies on Basketball Wives as a new cast member and if I made my very first season juicy enough to draw in high ratings, she assured me that I’d have a spin off show by the next season. I’ve been sent e-mails from multiple well known publicists to be hired for representation, and I’ve been offered interviews with countless media platforms. Rather than declining, I’ve never responded to most. There’s no need to. If I wanted to live off of the man, I could be twenty million dollars wealthier right now. I would have rather done that than to make a living off of my heartbreak by the way of scandalous exposure.

“What the fuck are you talking about right now?” The disgust in her tone was evident and it also served as the marker for me to end our call before the conversation turned into an argument that neither one of us need right now or anytime soon.

“Heather, I’m holding everyone up. I’ll call you tonight.”

“You know, that’s why I hate him. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t stand that high yellow, weasel faced, son of a bitch for hurting you, but I hate his ass for being the biggest part of altering the way you view yourself. I wish you were on my end of this conversation and could have heard that bullshit that you just spewed to me as the absolute truth about yourself. It scares me that you actually believe that and it makes me wonder if that counseling shit is working out. Your image? Jumping around? I’m at a lost for words because I don’t know what to say to you without losing my damn mind. You don’t owe him shit. Fuck the ink. I wouldn’t give a shit if it’s being smudged on the pages as we speak. You are a woman who is free to do whatever the fuck you want to do. I—you know what, I’ll let you go. We’ll talk later. Enjoy your day with your quote on quote friend.”

We didn’t bid one another our usual parting words of love. The double beep signifying her end to our call was as cold as she purposefully intended it to be and I could do nothing more than stick my phone down in the back pocket of my shorts and head out of the bathroom. Heather’s had more issues than I can count with me over these past six years and I’d just have to take today’s conversation and toss it into the pile of unresolved conflicts I’m going to have to mend at some point.

“I’m ready. Are you? You finished that movie?” I found Dante in my suite’s living room, laying across the couch, looking at what I know for sure is the final scene of the movie. He looked pleased, just as I had expected him to. The Brothers is a film that carters to both genders, though he swore it’d be a chick flick filled with drama and romance. Though it does contain those aspects, it’s also contains enough macho masculinity and comedy for a man to enjoy.

“There’s the credits.” He pointed at the screen and stood to his feet. He too, was dressed with the means to stay as cool possible. He donned himself in terry cotton deep grey Nike shorts with the all too familiar logo largely printed on the side of the left leg in white, a plain white t-shirt, and a black and royal blue pair of Michael Jordan’s first signature shoe. Though my eyes can barely tear away from him when he’s covered in the finest of materials gathered to create his designer suits, I certainly struggle to refrain from fawning over the days when he’s causal or laid back in appearance. There’s something about it that not only suits him but it also temporarily eliminates some of the intimidation in his serious demeanor. Right now, I don’t feel like I’m in front of a multimillionaire business man who has the world at his disposal. Instead, I’m in the presence of a handsome yet simple man with a kind heart and intuitive and often poetic mind.

“Did you enjoy it? Which brother do you relate to?”

“It was a good movie. As far as which one I relate to? None of them. One has commitment issues and then it went way left when he found out the chick he took an interest in had a previous relationship with his father. Then there’s his parents rekindling their relationship. Awkward shit. I don’t know my father’s dealings but I hope to never run into a woman he’s dealt with. What’s the other guy’s name? Brian. That’s it. He went through it with one black woman and swore off all of them. That’s quite silly, even though her sending him to jail was ridiculous. The Derrick guy and the sex issues, well I found that more comedic than anything, except for the mother part though I can’t relate. I’d never want my mother living with me.”

“You wouldn’t allow your sick mother to live with you?”

“Sick mother? Hm. I guess I’d allow that. She’s my mother after all.”

“And you wouldn’t consider leaving your wife if she wasn’t pleasuring you in the manner that you’d want her to?”

“No.” He shook his head to match the statement he made and I quickly side eyed him because I will never believe his or any man’s response to that if they tell me no. I firmly believe that apart of the reason why Andreas went after Amber is because of our unstable bedroom life. I came into his life untouched by any man and I worked at trying to figure out what he needed in order to keep him pleased. I’d mentally immersed myself into so much, it became less and less about my own pleasure and mostly about what lingerie, trick, or position I should try to maximize the pleasure for him. Some were better than others, tons were far more painful than I thought they’d be, and there were those that filled my frame with embarrassment because the execution wasn’t quite right. As the traveling increased, loneliness engulfed me and our connection dwindled. Whenever he did come home, I’d try my best attempts at spontaneity. I’d wait for him naked in our bedroom, only for him to flop down on the couch and not even acknowledge my presence. In the mornings, I’d remove my bed attire and creep into the shower only for him to turn around, kiss me, and tell me he had to go or he’d be late. I still cringe at the times when I’d drop to my knees and literally request to envelope his flesh into my mouth. Those requests were approved occasionally and I’m assured that it was for my own satisfaction more than it was his. I’d like to think Amber was already spreading her thighs and opening up her mouth for my ex-husband at that point; it’s either that or he just no longer wanted me.

“You’re lying.”

“No, I’m not. Why would I consider leaving my wife over something that we can work on? That’s not betrayal or the breaking of some part of the vows. It’s sex. Sex is a learning experience. You teach and you learn; both husband and wife or whatever relationship dynamic you have with said person.”

“And what if your wife never learns?”

“It’s not possible.”

“How so?” I quickly crossed my arm over my chest. I didn’t intend to be combative but there is no way possible that I’m wrong in this instance. I’ve heard and read about more that enough relationships or marriages going through the wringer because of sex and sex alone.

“It’s just not possible; at least not in my opinion. There’s so much to explore and try out. If one thing doesn’t work out, try something else. If you’re in love and you truly value that person and what they bring into your life, then you’re going to figure it out.”

“Well, I guess I’m going to have to agree to disagree. What you’re saying is easy to say because you’ve never had to deal with it. We all say all kinds of shit when we’re on the outside looking in. So no, I don’t believe you because in this instance you’re inexperienced and unaware.”

“Inexperience and being supposedly unaware has absolutely nothing to do with who I am as a man. I’m only getting married one time. That, I know for sure. So we’re going to have to figure it out until the wheels fall off. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Yeah, okay. If we’re still friends around the time that you get married, we’ll come back to this.” I lead the way to the door and he chuckled while cooly trailing behind me. A part of me wanted to keep drilling his head until he understood where I was coming from and could stop being such an optimist but I let it go because I cannot speak for him or his future experiences.

“Nah. We can come back to this conversation sooner than that and why did you say if? You plan on going somewhere?” I nearly stopped in my tracks at the question. Am I going somewhere? They say people are in your life for a reason or for a season and though I have so many reasons for why I enjoy him and value what he’s brought to my life thus far, I do and can question if this is all just something temporary for the both of us that will be nothing more than a blur in his future and a memory within mine. The changes that will happen within our lives are inevitable and it’d be hard to imagine the two of us and whatever we call ourselves building between one another outlasting it. I’m sure it can happen but would it? Is that realistic?

“No. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Neither am I. So there’s no need to say if.”

“Okay fine, we’ll talk about it sooner, later, and at the wedding too.” The door closed behind the two of us as we walked down the long hallway and he continued to trail behind me until we were waiting for the elevator.

“Not at the wedding. The conversation will be pointless, because by then, you’ll already see it my way.”

“You sure about that?”

“Positive, Peaches.”

“And you’re going to stop calling me that.” I quickly pointed my finger in his direction as the double doors drew themselves apart and we stepped on, taking positions on opposites and he pressed the button for the lobby. While leaning my body against the stainless steel wall, it’s coolness did absolutely nothing to distract my attention from the sight directly across from me. His stance was nearly identical to mine; only he had his hands stuffed down into the pockets of his shorts. I did my best to refrain from being obnoxious or embarrassing as I continued to take in all six feet and four inches of him, but I didn’t have the strength to fight it. Any woman standing in my position would be doing the same in hopes of even a glance from him. The level of small I feel in such a grand presence is unbelievable and yet I’m drawn to every aspect of him; mentally and physically, though I’ve never had him. I cannot get the feeling of my body pressed against his as I moved my hips along to every infectious beat and vulgar lyrics while in the club. That is the result of my eyes panning down to his shorts to get even the slightest sight of what I felt pressing against my derrière. I remember the exact moment I felt what would eventually invade my thoughts and dreams, salivate my mouth, and moisten the most sacred part of me. Hours ago, I interrupted the best sleep I’d gotten in quite some time to end the vision of my nude body sprawled on his office desk as he—

“Peaches.”

“Huh?” I quickly returned my attention to his face and watched as he pointed at the lobby. As he stepped aside, I quickly exited the elevator and turned the corner to find an awaiting Mike and Fredrick. I didn’t know they were downstairs waiting for us and had Dante mentioned it, I probably would have tried to ready myself a bit quicker and would have certainly ended that call with Heather much sooner.

“It took y'all long enough.”

“Should have stayed upstairs instead of rushing your impatient and anxious ass down here to wait.” Dante purposefully yet playfully pushed Fredrick out of the way and he approached Mike who held an expression on his face that was far more serious than I’d ever seen on him. He’s usually comedic, cool mannered, and making statements that are either slick or slyly amusing all for the sake of entertaining himself and embarrassing those around him.

“Let me talk to you for a minute.” Dante’s ever confident frame tensed at the question and he quickly nodded his head as the two stepped away from both Fredrick and I. They were in clear view and if I were curious enough about what they were speaking about, I could have heard it well enough, but I’d been distracted by the sight coming in through the revolving doors to be concerned.

Though Vegas is known for bachelor or bachelorette weekends and shotgun weddings, I’ve never heard of people actually making the decision to have their traditional and sometimes extremely lavish wedding ceremonies and receptions in Vegas. I’d noticed an unusual amount of human traffic once we stepped off of the elevator but I didn’t connect the dots to a wedding. Now all of the tuxedos and whimsical dresses make sense. The last to waltz into the lobby was the beaming couple, who could do nothing more than fawn over and smoother one another in affectionate and celebratory kisses to celebrate their union. Their smiles were infectious not only because those amongst them were smiling just as big, but also because I mustered up a small smile of my own. Instead of her maid of honor, mother, or sister, it was the groom holding up the back of her mermaid style of gown. My attention focused on her more than anyone else, and the gleam in her eyes is exactly what a bride is supposed to have on one of the most special days that she’ll have in her life. She’s walking along side her life partner; the man who just vowed himself, his loyalty, and all of his dedication to her. I wonder if people warned her that though today may be beautiful, there’s a possibility of storms to come and destroy all that they’ve shared and built together to arrive to this point. I wonder if she knows that he may change or one day may wake up and not look at her the same way. Does she know not to lose herself into that shit? Will he cherish her? When he’s not perfect, will he apologize? Some days I think I’ve had closure and there are the occasional ones when I crave an apology from Andreas. An explanation would take me through the hell of it again, but I’d deal with that for those two words that often mark a resolved ending. I’d like to think I’m worth that; even if he doesn’t feel like he did anything wrong.

“Autumn.”

“Yes?” I turned to look at Fredrick whose facial expression held concern. I’d been zoned out to the point of staring at nothing. The wedding party vanished behind the doors of the hotel’s ballroom.

“Lets go to the little convenience store and get some snacks for the trip while they have that conversation.” He didn’t bother to wait for an answer as he threw an arm over my shoulder and lead me to the right.

“Trip? Where are we going?” Honestly, I figured we were going to gamble or take a visit to that gangster museum that Mike raved about on the way here. I don’t know much about Vegas other than gambling and nightlife and based upon the brochures I’ve read since being here, that truly is the highlight of what happens out here. I expect to be highly impressed when we head out on the scene sometime tonight.

“The Grand Canyon. Dante’s idea.”

“Oh! That sounds cool. Thank God I brought my camera. That’s a great outing for nice pictures.”

“It is. Mike and I haven’t been out there so we figured why not just do it together, even though it’s hot as fuck outside.”

My backpack served as the junk bag while Fredrick fit as many bottles of assorted beverages as he could into his own. You’d think we were kids the way we zipped around the store like the roadrunner racking up tons and tons of chips, cookies, cakes, and candy. Our teeth are sure to be semi rotten while I stomachs painfully ache if we should decided to consume all of it but we preferred to have options to suit everyone’s tastes. Dante rented a bright white Jeep Wrangler Unlimited for our trip and Fredrick volunteered to be our designated driver to both destinations. He and Mike occupied the front, while Dante and I sat on opposites sides in the backseat. I don’t know how I was able to figure it out, but he much like myself, was pleasantly surprised when I handed him a bag of Oreo minis and strawberry milk. I remembered the milk from a flight and the cookies were a lucky guess. It was my way of breaking the ice as he sat there staring out of the window swallowed by his thoughts. Whatever Fredrick told him couldn’t have been good news because the tension remained within his frame and exuded in my direction though he didn’t intend it. If we were alone, I’m sure we’d speak about it and hopefully there is a point throughout this day that we do. I’m no Dr. Jill. I don’t have all of the right answers, but I’d like to serve as an outlet to release his pent up emotions whenever he needs to. That’s what a friend is for.

“Are you okay?” My hand rested on top of his own and he swiftly flipped his hand so it’d lock around mine.

“Yeah, I’m just mentally analyzing a few things and solving others. I apologize for the silence.”

“There’s no need to apologize. I understand.”

“Fredrick told you where we’re going?” I quickly nodded my head and chuckled as he leaned in to began a session of whispering so the all too nosey duo in the front wouldn’t find a way to pick on him.

“Yeah. I told him that I’m glad I packed my camera so that I’ll be able to take some great shots at both places. Oh and your iPhone too. How the hell do we have the same phone and yet yours takes better pictures?” We shared a laugh over my question and he unlocked his phone so he could point out the simplistic answer; editing apps. I don’t have any on my phone other than one which is for creating collages or squeezing a few photos into one particular frame. I use the Instagram filters and call it a damn day.

“There are some great free ones but the best ones are the ones you have to pay for. I read a couple of articles and bought the apps with the best reviews and I just play around with the apps and edit the photos until they’re the quality that I want.”

“I’m going to have to copy off of you. Put those on my phone. Not all, but like the best three? I think that should do the trick.” I scooted closer so we’d be directly next to one another and I handed over my phone so that he’d handle the task.

“Your photos don’t need any editing though.” To mask the blush that was fighting its way through, I chuckled at the statement and quickly shook my head. He was serious and that within itself caused my head to drop down so I was staring into my lap and I finally allowed that blush to conquer the lower half of my face.

“Oh shit. That was a good one.”

Dante’s eyes widened at Mike’s intrusive comment and he immediately frowned at his best friend who twisted his body just enough to be able to see into the backseat. Fredrick’s loud laughter made it no better and I couldn’t help but to join him as Dante’s face filled with a faint hue of crimson to signify his embarrassment. He simply stared at Mike’s hand when he extended it for a dap and he rolled his eyes at the devious smirk on his face.

“I’m just messing with you brother. Aye, since we’re on the West Coast, Pac or Snoop for the road trip soundtrack?”

“Snoop.”

Dante and I said the name in unison and Mike turned his attention to his iPhone. As he connected to his Bluetooth, Dante typed and tapped away on my iPhone to began my journey to being a mobile editing master. Rather than going directly to one of Snoops legendary albums, Mike opted for a playlist. As the the sounds of “Snoop Dogg” blared from the speakers inside of the sporty truck, our heads nodded along to the infectious beat. While we relaxed against the cool backseats, our eyes met. The blaring music became faint as his intense gaze grasped my entire being and I could feel my lips slightly falling agape at the sight. He never once flinched. His search or rather hunt for something that goes beyond my outer surface became apparent as his body slightly leaned into mine. I welcomed him. He blinked once; setting off an array of chills from the base of my skull down to the very nerve endings of my spine and my nerves grasped the best of me as I tensely ran my fingers through my hair. He’d taken that as an invitation to take a few strands in-between his fingers and he loosely curled the strands around them.

“You’re stunning Autumn.”

“You too.”

It slipped and I wanted to kick myself for it. It flew from my lips a millisecond after my name beautifully eased from his. The truth; a truth that I’ve noticed since I mistakenly fell into his arms. He’s stunning internally beyond what most could ever imagine and it shines through to further enhance his external.

He granted me a small smile while allowing my hair to fall back into place. He didn’t readjust himself back into the position he was once in. He remained close, with his shoulder leaning into mine, while he browsed through the App Store. As his scent engulfed me, my body further sank down into the seat as I mentally unraveled.

God help me.

Our destination wasn’t the four hour drive that I was expecting. Our forty five minute ride didn’t even allow us to get to the end of the Very Best of Snoop Dog playlist as we arrived at GC Flight, a Las Vegas and Grand Canyon tour company specializing in helicopter, airplanes, and motor coaches to and from the Arizona landmark. I should have known better than to think we were going to spend the majority of the day going to and from Arizona in a truck even though it wouldn’t have been absolutely fun and hilarious to have done so with Mike and all of his playfulness. To save us the lengthy trip, we’d be heading out in a top of the line helicopter.

“I take it you’ve never been in a helicopter before?” Dante chuckled as I hesitantly walked through the terminal. He was nearly pulling me along by the way of my elbow. I asked just about every question possible while the actual owner of the company ran down all of the rules and guidelines to our trip. He described it as no different than a flight but I beg to differ; smaller aircraft and far less likability to live it we should crash.

“I haven’t. Don’t even say that there’s a first time for everything because I don’t believe in that shit.” His laughter wasn’t as infectious as it usually is. I couldn’t muster up even a chuckle as my eyes locked on the neon red helicopter we’d be sitting inside of within a minute or so.

“It’s going to be fine. I’d never put you in harms way.” He squeezed my arm. “Helicopters are cool as shit. You fly low enough to be able to see sights. You can’t do that while on a plane. Besides, this ride is only forty five minutes. That beats a four hour drive. You’re going to love it.”

The fifty milligrams of Zoloft I swallowed down this morning did nothing to calm my nerves as the three amigos cheerily encouraged me to hop onboard. Though there were six forward facing passenger seats with more than enough room for us to sit and lounge apart, Dante took a seat next to me while Fredrick and Mike planted themselves directly behind it. I was locked into my seatbelt, wearing headgear, as well as a headset before all of them. Fredrick suggested I chew gum and I immediately took him up on the offer. While Dante held both of my hands, Mike’s were grasping my shoulders and gently massaging them in hopes to ease my mind as we listened to the pilot’s safety briefing. His usage of the words danger, risk, threat, and accident just about worsened my fears. Him mentioning all of them with a smile on his face felt like I was sitting in front of the grim reaper.

“Trust me. I’ll never let anything happen to you. Besides, if Mike’s here, then you know we’re alright. That man’s scared of everything. He’s a pussy.”

“Aye, fuck you you longed face bitch.”

His response sparked the laughter I needed to calm just a few of the bad nerves tormenting me but overall, it was his immense hands squeezing mine that served at the soother during take off. They were nearly as soft as mine, with just a bit of roughness that had to be the result of his basketball playing and the feeling of them enclosed around my own set quickly became one that I didn’t want to rid myself of.

“The sights are great already. Look.”

From the oversized windows, we could already see an aerial view of the infamous Las Vegas strip. Had it been nighttime, we would have been able to be dazzled by the endless amount of lights, but the visual was still incredible nonetheless. Our pilot served as a tour guide and along the route he pointed out the mighty Hoover Dam and it’s power plant turbines. My Mr. Wikipedia served as the historian who explained it’s original name, Great Depression construction, the impounding of Lake Mead, and lastly the states in which the dam generators provides power for. I’d taken out my camera to get as many shots of it as possible and continued to capture shots as we moved over Lake Mead, Fortification Hill, the Colorado River, and the Mike O’Callaghan-Pat Tillman Memorial Bridge.

Upon our arrival to the canyon, the pilot flew around it so we’d be able to take in every single aspect of it from above and then we descended just about four thousand feet below it’s rim and landed at a private site in the heart of the Hualapai Indian territory. We were supposed to pop open a complimentary bottle of champagne to celebrate but instead we chose to hike around. Though weather conditions were absolutely arid, there was a warm and yet soothing rusty and gusty wind faintly sweeping through to make our journey a tad bit easier.

For the simple minded, we were observing far too much dirt and rocks purposelessly sitting in the middle of nowhere, but as I took it all in, I couldn’t help but to be in awe of nature’s artwork. The carvings, sandstone flanks, and rusted deep slopes covered by olive shaded trees all served as the means to beautify such a rugged location. As we walked, I lightly ran my fingers over the barren red rocks and the green leaves springing out of the jagged walls. The canyon served as yet another reminder of how beautiful the earth is despite such ugliness from arguably it’s greatest enemy; us human beings.

“This is beautiful; pointless but beautiful. How long has this been here?” Mike voice his opinion loud enough for the three of us to hear and I quickly turned to look at Dante because he typically always has the fun facts about whatever location we visit. I don’t expect him to fail us today.

“Eh. Studies have said maybe five to six million years. For thousands of those years Indians occupied this area. They built their own settlements within the canyon and it’s caves. Some even considered this to be a holy site and would make pilgrimages here.”

“Dante’s the only person who paid attention in his history courses.”

Mike raided my backpack while cracking jokes about his friend and within seconds the three friends were trailing ahead of me. I used the time to put my camera to use and instead of taking photographs of the sights surrounding me, I focused the lens on their chemistry. Had I never met any of them and was just observing, I’d easily be able to notice how extensive of a history they have and how much of a tight knit bond they cherish within their brotherhood. The loud outburst of laughter, the way they completely grant one another attention no matter who is speaking, without interruption, is admirable. Mike is even granted a respectable silence for his jokes. Fredrick often drapes his arm over Dante’s shoulder and it’s no different at this very moment. Given his hostility with his family, it’s relieving to see him have an extended one in those two as well as Stacey. They not only keep him grounded and humble but also contributes to his overall contentment.

“Autumn, stop being paparazzi and catch up!” The flicker was louder than I thought it was.

“Lets hike up there.” I pointed at a peak not too far away that would take a bit of trek up and Mike immediately shook his head.

“Nah. I’m already near death. You go up there and we’ll be right here waiting.”

“Come on. I’ll go. Fred, wait here with lazy.” Dante gripped my shoulder as I quickly took off my backpack and left it with the two just in case they wanted snacks and also so I’d have less weight on me going up. Throughout the climb, he used his long and lean legs to walk ahead but our hands being laced gave me the advantage of being pulled up by his strength. He showed no sign of exhaustion once we were exactly where I wanted to be; unlike myself. The heat already had a headache arising in the most sensitive parts of my head. I’m a faux runner but I’m no athlete. Dante runs and is moving around this place like he’s a Usain Bolt and Lebron James hybrid.

“This is perfect for photos.”

“Drink some water.” He twisted the cap off of my water bottle himself and I swallowed down what became warm water within a half an hour of us being out here. It didn’t do much to cool me off but I suppose it quenched my light thirst.

“What made you think of here as a place to come? Because it’s close to Vegas?”

He stepped aside as I lifted the Nikon camera up and aligned the viewfinder with my left eye. An eagle was my target and I captured his essence as it soared through the air with precision like the majestic beast that it is often portrayed as. The sun beamed down on his pearly white head; as he nearly blended in with the white clouds as he continued to weave in between them.

“It’s peaceful out here; hot as hell but peaceful.”

“So you’ve been here before.”

“Yes.” As the eagle passed, I focused on the clouds. I’ve never seen them so clear….so clarified. As the fainting sun cast it’s rays down upon them, it created the perfect hue of scarlet. The setting sun is always my belief of heaven touching earth for less than an hour out the day.

“Why did you need peace? What’s on your mind?”

“Home. I spoke with my sister-in-law this morning and she’s beginning the process for in vitro fertilization again and Matthew’s giving her a hard time. He needs to give a few more samples and he’s putting off the process and she called crying to me to convince him to do so. She doesn’t ask for much. She’s not a difficult wife and she puts up with that man’s shit though she doesn’t need to. She should have divorced him a long time ago as far as I’m concerned but I can’t make that decision for her. She continues to stand by him despite his shit. Now she wants a baby. That’s all she wants and it’s a whatever type of situation to him.” Oh I know that feeling. I know it well. Andreas and I had the baby conversation a number of times and each time he’d do his best to explain to me how we weren’t ready for parenthood without ever giving me a solid excuse for why. Honestly, I wanted a child to fill the void that he left with me. At least I wouldn’t be alone. In the beginning, I imagined us as a beautiful family, living a traditional life, and being something like those from the famous family oriented television shows. The more he shut the idea down, the less I thought it and I eventually let it go. Now I can’t even picture myself as a mother or the point in my life when I’ll be in the best place possible to be one.

“That’s tough. There are women out there who don’t want to have children and that’s absolutely fine, but for those who do, that’s one of the most important goals in their lives. It’s special, fulfilling, and full circle, honestly. It’s the greatest gift two people can ever receive so the pain that she’s feeling is intense.”

“I know. I could barely make out what she was saying through those tears. I want that for Camille because she doesn’t ask for much but Matthew would rather shower her in materialistic shit and go about his business. Talking to that man is like me standing out here and talking to the ground. Nothing gets through to him until he’s in some shit and it barely gets through then. He’s bullheaded. Always has been.”

“Sounds like Isaac.”

“No. Your brother’s no Matthew.”

“He’s not too far off. Believe me. Despite his success, he got his shit together not too long ago. This clean cut, focused, and reserved Isaac is a reformed version of himself.” As I turned my body to face Dante, the sight of him standing there gazing out at the scenery was far more beautiful than anything I’d capture since our helicopter ride over here. The way the remaining streaks of sunlight cast down upon him while the garnish of pinks and oranges reflected on his vanilla glimmering skin was enough to leave me breathless. He overpowered nature’s beauty and stood amongst it like a sovereign; the most alluring and selfless kind. A one of one; him and him only.

“Well I applaud him for getting it together. Matthew’s too arrogant for that. The best way to resolve an issue within your life, no matter what it is, is to understand and admit that there is an issue. The man carries himself like he’s God’s gift to mankind and he gets it from Richard. They’re one in the same.”  

“Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom in order for a change to spark within their lives. That may be your brother’s fate. You can’t change him nor can she. At best, you can encourage Camille to live her life and do what’s best for herself. If sticking by him is that, well, you have to allow her to do that. She loves him but I hope she loves herself more.”

“I agree with you.” The sound of the shutter caused him to glance in my direction and he chuckled as I quickly snapped a shot of his face.

“What else is on your mind?”

“Right now?” Though I switched my position so I’d be standing behind him, he turned to face me. “Nothing but this moment.”

“Not what had you quiet in the car?” He reached for my camera and I quickly pulled it out of his reach. “You’re always taking the pictures. It’s my turn.”

“That’s already resolved. It’s not on my mind anymore.” He reached once again. “You’ve taken enough. You officially have more photos of me than my mother does. I promise you.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“For her it is.” He gave up and instead reached for his iPhone. “Stay just like that. Don’t move.”

Had it been anyone else, I would have defiantly moved or dodged the camera but for him I froze exactly the way he requested me to do so and he capture me in the manner that he wanted. ‘A little to the left, slightly to the right, turn just a bit, look away, sit down, and look at me.’ I did all of it for him without protest as I basked in the beauty of him and our surroundings. The bombardment of colors casting across the skyline were beyond what Picasso or Vincent van Gogh could create. The man standing here with me? Only by God’s hands. There’s no denying I’m standing in the midst of his eminence.

“What’s on your mind?”

“What’s next for me.” That’s been on my mind more than anything else these days, which isn’t surprising. That’s where my mind should have been a long time ago but I held out hope for a resolution within the impossible. Now I’m left to figure it out alone. I’m no longer within those teen years where everyone’s tossing guidance and advice my way while happily standing on the sidelines to encourage me to keep going while I figure myself out. Sure I have a bit of it here and there, but I’ve reached the age where my focus needs to be solid. It’s going to take quite a bit of building myself up but the struggle to get there is to be expected and I deserve it. I’ve began to skimming through online applications for a couple of universities and I’ve reached out to NYU and UCLA for my transcripts. I need a few recommendations and I’m dreading trying to figure out who to ask and the accelerated programs that I’ve been checking out are strenuous. Harvard is the only Ivy League school that offers students who have completed at least two years of college to complete their degree through an assortment of online classes and approximately four three or seven week courses or active weekend courses on the university’s campus. The thought of applying there feels like I’m shooting myself in the head each time. I’ve checked out NYU and even Rutgers New Brunswick though I don’t want my mother involved. All of it is one big ball of confusion that I cannot continue to avoid no matter how much I try to.

“Do you know what’s next?”

“I’m slowly but surely figuring it out.” Suddenly his body was along side mine and he peered down at me in understanding. “That’s a start right?”

“Of course it is. That’s more than a start. I’d like to believe you already know what you want. You’re just analyzing the path that you need to take to get there.”

“Yeah. The adjustments as well. I suppose school is first.”

“Do you know where you want to go?”

“Uh. I’ve been checking out some schools.” He snickered at my hesitance to name them.

“Which schools? I wouldn’t be a Columbia Lion if I didn’t pitch to you how great of a school it is. You should check it out. I think you’d be a good fit there. You like New York City and you’d still be close to home. You can probably get an apartment in Manhattan so your commute won’t be extra hard. You were the Valedictorian at your high school and were on the Dean’s List both years you were in college. You’re getting in.” My eyes widened as he listed off those facts and I quickly glanced up at him in confusion. I never told him that.

“Who told you that?”

“Isaac.” He laughed out loud at my facial expression and widened his already huge eyes. “What? You think I did a background check on you or something? How else would I have known? He mentioned that while speaking to me about your permanent position.”

“Oh really? Says Mr. Accepted Into Every Ivy League School St. James.”

“Who told you that?”

“Google.” It was my turn to laugh but I wasn’t alone while doing so. He joined in. I didn’t search through page after page in hopes of pulling up every bit of information I could find on him. He was honored inside of the Harvard Business Review magazine and they had an extensive biography on him which included that information.

“Well as I said, you can get into any school that you want to get into. Just apply. Don’t doubt yourself. You have no reason to whatsoever.”

“What if that causes me to have to walk away from working with you?”

Silence fell between us as we continued to observe the sky’s retreating pigments as they battled the beginnings of the nighttime’s midnight blue pushing it’s way through the surface. The visual seemingly signified the question I’d asked him. A dark cloud loomed over my thoughts as I imagined having to walk away from what has been the source of my peace for the past couple of months.

“Walking away from the job doesn’t mean that you’re walking away from me. Right?” Our eyes met one another and he wrapped an arm around my shoulders to draw my body closer. His eyes held an anxiousness for a response and I wrapped my arm around his back until my hand met his side. My soft squeezing sparked his infectious smile.

“Right.”

“Alright then. So we’ll be fine. Besides, Columbia’s right there. We’ll be practically neighbors. We’ll see one another everyday.”

“Who says I’m going to Columbia?” I quickly sucked my teeth as he laughed ridiculously loudly and he playfully shrugged his shoulders at my question.

“All I’m saying is, I’m only writing a recommendation letter for Columbia.”

My jaw dropped at his stubbornness and he wrapped my body into the biggest bear hug as he continued to laugh at what I know for a fact he’s serious about. Columbia slipped out of my thoughts as I became a drunken woman by the way of his intoxicating scent. The warmth of his body engulfed me and I submitted myself to his world for however long he intended to keep me in his arms.

“We have to go back. I’m sure they’re tired of waiting.”

“They’re not standing out there. They walked away while we were walking up here. We’re fine.”

His head rested on top of mine while my head rested in the nape of his neck as we stood there welcoming the stars.

Tom Ford.

I’d chosen the handsome American designer’s designs for my attire this evening. The short black and long sleeved embellished dress and the matching thigh high open toe boots were amongst the final gifts I received from Shane. Though I was still married, he continued to encourage me to get out there and live my life instead of choosing to sulk in my empty home. During his visits, he’d become my bad influence of a life coach and we’d have “Siblings Gone Wild” weekends in the best hole in the wall clubs around Miami. My brother was too indie and eclectic to be partying inside of establishments on Collins Avenue or Eleventh Street. Given his ability to network and have friends all over the place, he was able to find these spots and he’d drag me out of the house in the sexiest attire he could coerce me into and we’d be partying until the wee hours of the morning and then would find a spot to eat the greasiest pizza ever before making our way back to my house and crashing in the living room. The Tom Ford pieces were shipped to my home while he was out in Paris enjoying himself and at the bottom of a note card covered in messages of love in French, he told me to tuck it into the back of my closet and be ready to wear it the next time we were together. He sent it to uplift my spirits. He never made it to Miami, because I met him in New York. I never wore it while out with him because he was dead within two days of my arrival. Tonight, I choose to wear it in honor of him and what he constantly encouraged me to do; live my life. He’d be applauding me with the most exaggerated compliments and showering me with endless hugs if he were here. If he wasn’t encouraging me to shine, he’d always push for me to soar. Given the embellishment of my chosen attire for the evening, I’d say I’m in for a night of shining courtesy of him. I hope I make him proud and that tonight’s festivities turn out to be as great as a night out with him would be.

The final touch to complete everything was the result of me starring at myself in the mirror for nearly ten minutes. While covered in black from my darkened hair down to the boots covering a portion of my thigh all the way down to my feet, I couldn’t decide if I should go with a nude lip or a bold red lip. Nude would tone everything down a bit and work with the natural glow I had going on once I completed my make up and the red would be a fiery pop of color needed for a statement. After looking between the two once more, I coated my lips with the red. It’s perfect for Vegas nightlife.

We’re in the lobby. Don’t rush. Just letting you know.

After opening Dante’s text message, I tossed my phone into the clutch bag I wish I didn’t have to carry this evening and I exited the bathroom for the final time. Though I was assured that I didn’t need to bring anything other than myself, I still double checked to make sure I had cash, my debit and credit cards, and most of all, the room keys. I can’t count how many times Heather and I have locked ourselves out of our hotel rooms and had to do the tipsy or sometimes drunken walk of shame down to the lobby for assistance. I don’t want that to have to be my fate tonight. It’s funny with Heather, but it won’t be as hilarious in front of the three gentlemen I’d be hanging out with tonight. Well, Mike would find it funny because he tends to find the funny in everything.

“Good to go.” I said it out loud to stop stalling myself and I finally made my exit while resisting one last visit to the mirror to make sure I wasn’t over or underdone. God knows I’m no where near perfect but I’d at least like to look presentable the majority of the time. That’s a rule by my mother and it’s been passed down by the women in her family from generation to generation. These past two years, I’ve certainly disregarded that and allowed my illness and depression to be the reason for my lack of care for my external appearance. I didn’t feel beautiful so there was no need to attempt to look it. Hell, I still don’t necessarily feel beautiful but I do feel like I’m regaining a lot of my sense of self and that’s a start. Besides that, there are boxes and boxes worth of unworn clothing that I need to put to use. I’d be damned if I just let it sit in the basement collecting dust because it’s a reminder of my time in Miami. Though a lot of it is a few years old; some recent; nothing in fashion is dated as far as I’m concerned. I’ll make every single piece work in some type of way.

The wait for the elevator was no more than a minute, though I expected to wait longer because of the traffic in and out of this place. Once it’s doors opened, I stepped on and was met with the eyes of a man most likely within his early thirties standing on the opposite side of it. Luckily for me, there were a set of buttons on my side as well as and I didn’t have to step into his personal space to press the button for the lobby. While resting against the wall, I did my best to avoid the eye contact that he so badly attempted to get by adjusting his eager position not once but twice, in such an audacious manner. My stomach churned at the sense of his eyes trailing over every aspect of me; undressing and eye fucking me while foolishly covered in a Miami Heat jersey. That’s what made it ironic but mostly ridiculous.

“I’ve seen you before.”

“Have you?” I gazed at the small screen signifying each floor we were surpassing as we descended to the lobby. It baffled me that no one had cause it to stop on a specific floor just yet.

“Yeah. I’m sure I have. I never forget when I see women as beautiful as yourself. You’re married to a Miami Heat player. I’ve seen you. I go to Miami all the time and I’m a big fan of the team.” I knew the NBA Summer League was in town. I’d seen a couple of signs upon arrival, there was a flier amongst the brochures inside of my suite, and Andreas would always fly out here for a day or two to check out the rookies in action before the season. I didn’t think much of it because I truly don’t care and something within me is telling me that he’s not in Vegas anyway. He has a pregnant fiancée to tend to and the summer league isn’t apart of his contract.

Up until now, I haven’t been approached, or awkwardly called out about who they know or believe I am until now. There’s only been a few stares here and there but I’ve grown accustomed to that. That’s been apart of my fate since I sealed it in Los Angeles.

“I’m not married.” My shoulders shrugged as I told him the truth and silence momentarily flushed out the conversation as he did his best to analyze my response.

“You’re not married to one of the players?”

“No.”

“I’ve seen you. I swear I have. I think I even remember what you had on. Game six against the Spurs. You were court side wearing pink.” My lips slightly fell apart at his vivid memory of my bright magenta Gucci attire. I attended all seven games that series; even the ones in San Antonio. Though we were fighting like hell, I still traveled with Andreas and showed up to the American Airlines Arena at home to support he and the team. The Heat won the championship in a ninety five to eighty eight victory over the Spurs. By then, I was far more happy to see Lebron and Bosh get their second rings and Wade his third, over my husband winning his second straight. What I remember most about that championship is being left to look on as the families of those players rushed to the court to shower their Heat heroes with love and praise and a congratulatory job well done. They were covered in confetti while excitedly putting on championship gear over their clothing while I was left off on the sideline to look on. I never got a chance to kiss him in the manner that the other wives kissed their husbands. He immersed himself into the celebration without ever looking for me and I was granted the coldest kiss on the cheek as he sprinted past with his team to head into the locker room to further their celebration by being doused in champagne. Not even the Spurs and their mopey demeanor could identify with what I felt as I left that arena alone that night.

“Mhm. I was there. I was a fan of the team.”

“Was?”

“Mhm.”

“Well what team do you enjoy now?”

“None of them.”

I mentally thanked the man above for his sudden blessing as the two doors slid apart and the pressure within chest ceased. My feet were moving at the same quickened pace of my mind as I quickly exited the elevator and turned the corner. I didn’t expect to be followed by the man but I also didn’t want to move slowly enough for him to further his investigation. A quick Google search would have given him all of the answers he was looking for and I would have been forced to be rude or to put forth my best effort at ignoring the hell out of him. His determination was alarming. I’ve never had anyone ask me that many questions about my ex-husband and our marriage within six years we were together. I’d been offered to appear on multiple platforms throughout our time together and I turned down every single opportunity because I didn’t want the fame nor did I want to leave a bad taste in his mouth. Now that has doubled along with the price tag and I’m still not interested. The less I hear or say about him, the better. Amber can enjoy it.

My eyes landed on the three men I’d been searching for were and they were idly standing amongst one another and sharing a laugh while glancing at whatever was happening outside of the entry doors. Dante was the only one out of the three semi dressed up. Because of the blistering Vegas heat, he opted for white attire from head to toe. The chambray fabric of his button down shirt rested against the build of his upper body beautifully and the the pants were the perfect match. On his feet happened to be one of my favorite pair of casual sneakers to see on a man; the “Torino” model by Buttero. I’d gotten Isaac two pairs for Christmas and though he critiqued them early on, he appreciates them now. You can easily dress them up or dress them down and they work in such a stylish manner. Given how well dressed Dante is, it’s not surprising to see him giving them a go. What I enjoy most about his style is the lack of contrived attempts. No matter what he has on, he always oozes a confidence that allows one to think that he doesn’t belong in anything else within that moment. Right now, this is arguably the best I’ve seen him and I’ve yet to see him look anything other than on point. My lip had been pulled in-between my teeth since I set my sight on him and I’d finally been caught in Mike’s peripheral. The smirk on his face was all too knowing.

“She arrives.”

Our eyes didn’t meet in the way I craved for them to. Instead I was left to watch him gulp down nothing but air as he took in the moment; our moment. His intense glare trailed over every single aspect of my frame; while I bashfully shrunk and mentally melted under the ferocity. His mouth fell agape while a hint of air escaped and exhaled past his lush pink lips and into the atmosphere. If looks could kill, I would have killed over no less than three times. A part of me desired to throw a trench coat over all of it, run upstairs, and start all over and the other half figured that I might as well go through with it.

“Sheesh Autumn! You didn’t have to kill it like that. Damn.” Fredrick’s eyes widened as Dante peeled his eyes away from me and glanced in his direction. The blank expression on his face was all too amusing because it’s clear that the man can’t stand obnoxiousness from anyone and though the comment was towards me, it still irritated him.

“Right Fred. Who are you wearing that for?”

Mike’s smirk grew even bigger and he purposefully and foolishly wiggled his eyebrows to pester me.

“Myself.”

“That’s it?”

“Of course. It’s for me. If anyone else should enjoy it, that’s a bonus right?”

“Looks enjoyable for sure.” Dante elbowed Fredrick in his side for yet another shameless comment or rather compliment and he boldly laughed while slapping Dante on his back. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was saying all of those things to purposefully irritate him.

“Shall we gentlemen?” My arm extended to point ahead.

I walked behind all three of them as we made our exit and instead of driving, we were separated. Dante and I were in the back of a chauffeured Mercedes Benz alone to my surprise. Fredrick and Mike were in back of the SUV in front of us.

“Why didn’t we just go together?”

“Just in case we leave at separate times. Fredrick is usually the last person to leave the club out of the three of us. That’s his environment. He’s not in them as much because he’s in a relationship and I sort of think he’s outgrowing the habit but there are times when he likes to purposefully be a stubborn ass; especially when people point out that he’s changing. I’m not sure why. He found love, which is a great thing. He most likely hates the idea of people tying his change strictly to her but I don’t do that. He’s just growing up. It’s about damn time.”

“Sometimes guys fear losing themselves in the process of committing to person. He’ll get over that. She’s clearly a great woman if he’s making adjustments in his life to suit himself and her in the process.”

“She is. I like her.” He nodded his head to go along with his statement while fidgeting with his fingers as his hands rested in his lap. I’d been staring out of the window since making myself comfortable in the backseat and I’d probably be doing so until our very short ride to Omnia comes to an end. I figured if I focused on Vegas’ luminous lighting and only gave him eye contact when he spoke, I’d save myself the distress of refraining from glancing over his entire being repeatedly. I’d done it more than enough for the evening and would most likely be absentmindedly doing so while we lost ourselves into the hectic flow of the nightclub.

“Autumn.”

“Yeah?”

“You look…” Nice. He’s going to tell me I look nice and I’m going to combust into a fit of nonsensical blushing. “Incredibly sexy tonight. Seriously.”

The skin is the largest organ apart of the human body and every inch of mine viciously tingled in response to his dauntless compliment. My heart beat erratically in my chest while my stomach filled with an onslaught of flutters and tightening beyond my control. I couldn’t find my voice and my lightly blush covered cheeks flushed with warmth. As his potent eyes met mine, I could feel my heart beating in my throat. My body transitioned from an exhilarating rush of emotions to a state of numbness because he’d snatched every part of me with just four words.

“Thank you. You too.” His raspy and gruff voice erupted into a light laughter and it ended with a smirk that weakened my knees though I was sitting. He ruined my comfort. Now I wanted to do nothing more than sprint from the car and walk the rest of the way.

“You’re too polite. You don’t have to pay someone a compliment just because they’ve given you one.”

“But it was a compliment and the truth. The white against your skin is just right.” I refused to look into his eyes again while being so close in proximity of him. I’d no longer be responsible for my actions as the spell of his enchantment moved me to attempt just a few seconds of what I now spend my nights dreaming of. I am caught in his web and he doesn’t even know it nor should he know it. This isn’t supposed to be happening. I’ve crossed all of the boundaries between the two of us while my mind, body, and soul is urging me to push forward and step over the forbidden threshold of the final few that are left. His patience and understanding from our very first encounter with one another engulfed all of me and left him indented on my mind. I’m foolish so it’s of no surprise to me that this is happening on my end but it’s absolutely mind boggling that I’m yet again tampering with my growth in the eyes of my family and friends by walking on the edge of disappointment again. The man is out of my league much like Andreas was and I’m starting to believe I’m drawn to that type of shit. I desire what I cannot and should not have; I enjoy the chase. I’m fairly knew to the crushing concept. Only one other man has gotten me to that point and I only briefly dated him and ended up vowing my life to him. I’ll be damned if I do that again; literally.

“Thank you.”

We wallowed in the intensity of our commentary and thoughts until the sedan came to a halt outside of the nightclub. I didn’t bother waiting for the driver to open the door to make my exit. I’d opened the door and exited the car at the same exact time as he did. I needed the fresh air to calm my stomach so the contents I’d consumed at SW Steakhouse for dinner wouldn’t come flying out of my mouth.

We skipped the line as I expected given the clout all three of them have no matter wherever they are. I was guided inside of the nightclub with Dante’s left hand firmly pressed to the small of my back and we were guided to an upper level VIP area away from the congested dance floor and never-ending traffic heading to and from the strobe light covered bar. They never requested anything by mouth; well at least not from what I noticed. We’d only been sitting for five minutes and bottles of top quality champagne, vodka, cognac, and mixers were being carried over to the table. I’d lost count of how many varieties there were and was even more confused when out everything left for our disposal, Dante and Mike chose Hennessy. At no point has he switched it up and I didn’t know Mike enjoyed it just as much. Fredrick’s a vodka man. As far as myself? I’m a whatever has a fruity flavor type of drinker. I chose to babysit a glass of Ciroc coconut with pineapple juiced mixed in it.

I couldn’t make out the dance floor. People were dancing to the sounds Calvin Harris was spinning from wall to wall. I could barely see him though his booth was raised up high enough for a clear view of him. The lightening stimulated my eyes like a rave; slowing down the movements of all the bodies while flashing each twist, turn, fist pump, and grind repeatedly. The techno and house music wasn’t my flavor for the evening but the alcohol urged me to bop my head and shimmy in my seat while meshed into Dante’s side while he observed the scene. With every sip of his drink, I knew he was taking mental notes for the sake of his client and his own plans for expansion. He’d do that for a few minutes and then he’d fairly return his attention to me by either smiling or squeezing my side. Eventually, we were standing and glancing over the balcony to observe the first floor and I gained the attention of all three of them as well shared playful commentary and laughter about the drunken offbeat dancing and sexual hooks happening. I’d never seen so many strangers randomly making out with one another in my life; not even during those two years of college.

“You enjoying yourself?” His warm breath swarmed my ear while his sultry tone invaded it and I nodded my head before gulping down the amazing drink Mike slid in my direction. He called it a “Zombie” or something along those lines. It’s apricot, orange juice, and rum mixture was superior to the Ciroc I was enjoying a while ago.

“I am. I always have fun with you. Who knew that the quiet business man could be so outgoing?”

“I have fun with those I enjoy having fun with. So you get a bit of credit there as well.”

“You give me too much credit.”

“I don’t think I give you enough, honestly.” He’d done it again. Instead of the goosebumps and stomach flutters, he heightened the warmth the vodka and rum filled my body with and my nipples stiffened against the embellished material covering parts of me.

“There’s nothing more to credit me for.”

“Is that what you think? Well, you’re wrong.”

As he closed the inch of space between our bodies, I took a step back and bumped into a half-drunk Mike who was rocking back and forth to Justin Timberlake’s “Rock Your Body”. He’d taken my mistake as a request to dance and he swiftly wrapped his left arm around my shoulders and swayed the both of us back and forth.

“Let’s go Autumn!” Dante awaited my next move. It was either him or Mike within that moment and I chose the man who’d leave me in one piece. I turned around in his embrace and threw my arm across his shoulder and rocked to the early two thousands hit. Him knowing all of the lyrics to the song and singing it with such a drunken slur made it so much more comedic. The laughter subsided the lust. The dancing filtered out the tension.

We were five songs into a random Timberlake set and we’d gone from trying to imitate Justin to shimmying our shoulders to “Like I Love You”. There was no way I wasn’t dancing to that one. It brought me back to the nights when Heather and I would be running around getting ready to take the campus and the outskirts of Los Angeles by a storm throughout the weekends. Justin was a heavy part of our playlists. We went to see the FutureSex/LoveShow in Madison Square Garden together in two thousand and six.

At the end of the song, I turned around to find Dante and the warmth within my body chilled at the sight of him speaking with a woman I hadn’t seen since we’d been at the nightclub. His back was to me so I couldn’t read much within his facial expressions or body language but hers said it all. The gleam in her bright blue eyes and the way she toyed with her platinum blonde hair while nodding her head to whatever he was saying to her ignited a feeling within my body that was all too familiar over the past couple of years of my life. I tensed while my lips tightened and no matter how much I wanted to shake it off, I couldn’t. I had no right and yet I couldn’t win the ridiculous battle against the unspoken resentment I chose to inflict upon him for doing what any single man has the right to do.

“She’s business.”

“What?” It wasn’t Mike in my ear. It was Fredrick, who’d been extremely mellow throughout the night. Dante’s right when he talks about him outgrowing places like this. If anything, he’s going to be the first person to go.

“She’s business. She’s one of the co-owners of this place. They’ve been trying to get Dante to buy into Omnia for a while now but he’s not interested so at this point, they just want to partner with A&M for representation and he’s not interested in that either. He’s not checking for her like that. Actually, he’s not checking for her at all.”

“It doesn’t matter if he is or if he isn’t.”

“I think it does. Why else would you be staring over there with so much tension radiating from your body? Dante only wants one woman in this room and it’s damn sure not her. I don’t think you need me to help you figure out who that woman is.”

My hand gripped the glassed filled the “Zombie” and I gulped down the majority of it.

“Alcohol doesn’t decrease your desires. It enhances them.” His sly chuckle as he stepped back nearly made me want to toss the rest of the contents inside of the glass on the floor. To say I felt exposed would have been an understatement. I couldn’t stand to look at the smug expression on his face any longer so I wandered off to find the bathroom so I could get some of the alcohol off of my bladder.

I spent ten minutes in the bathroom and another five standing downstairs in an attempt to clear my mind and straighten out my thoughts. In moments like this, I’d be texting Heather so she could either say some imbecilic advice or a joke to get me going but I know if I texted her right now, she’d only lash out at me for denying the truth she was attempting to provide me with earlier and she’d hang up. In addition to that, I’d be waking her up and she hates when she’s woken up; especially if it’s not for an emergency so I’ll refrain from doing that until tomorrow. She’d tell me to put my big girl thongs on and handle my shit anyway.

My eyes could barely remain focused on the sights in front of me as I crept up the steps. Each huff from my mouth allowed my nose to understand just how much alcohol I’d consumed and my slightly dazed expression told the story. I saw myself in the bathroom’s mirror while other women in my predicament either complimented or lusted over my attire. While standing and observing the flooded dance floor, two different guys flirted with me within that five minute time frame and I felt absolutely nothing. It was by far the most annoying interaction I’d encountered throughout the night and it was because of them that I decided to come back upstairs in the first place. Now as the man in my dreams comes into view, I wish I’d stayed. Why the hell couldn’t I enjoy the flirting or set my eyes on some attractive man out on the dance floor so I could know that what I’m feeling is nothing more than suppressed teenage antics.

“Where were you?”

“Bathroom.”

“All this time?” He placed his hand on my shoulder and narrowed his eyes.

“Yeah and I was looking out on the dance floor for the hell of it. Now, here I am.”

“You ready to go?”

“Yes.”

I was hoping he’d say that. All I want to do is return to my suite, strip out of everything, sit in the shower for two hours, and sleep the alcohol off. Actually no, I don’t want to go to sleep. I want the shower, the comfortable robe, a order of wings from the twenty four hour room service and a black and white film. I’ll take a nap later or I’ll sleep when I’m in Miami for the week for Heather’s bachelorette party, wedding rehearsals, rehearsal dinner, and the actual wedding. He’ll be in New York and I’ll be far too busy to be consumed with thoughts of him all damn day and salacious dreams of him all damn night.

“Okay. Let’s go back to the hotel.”

We left without bidding the other part of our group goodbyes. He’d already told them we were going to leave before even knowing if I’d say yes or not. Our ride back to the hotel was filled with him questioning if I was okay. He’s immune to Hennessy. I’m sure of it. While walking into the lobby his stance never faltered. His gigantic eyes remained their normal size. The mint in his mouth didn’t even mesh with the cognac. It over powered it. How the hell is he like that? He’s an enigma; some type of paradox. I’m being tested and I’ve been tested enough. Give me a break!

“The doors won’t close if you continue standing in-between them. Come here.” I stood in-between the doors of the elevator because I contemplated catching the second one so I could get away from him sooner. Now that his arm is around my waist and drawing me inside, I should have. I should have taken the stairs. Walking up like fifty floors would have been better. Fifty? Wait, where is my room?

“You enjoyed yourself tonight?”

“You have a high tolerance for alcohol.”

“I only had two glasses. I wasn’t in a drinking mood.”

I could no longer hear whatever he was saying to me as I looked into his eyes. Self-control and my sense of self evaporated while faint tremors and an aching desire overwhelmed me. I needed to know what it’d feel like. I want to know if it’s as magical as it seems within my dreams. The softness; the warmness. Just one time.

Just once.

I placed my hand to his smooth cheek and enclosed my lips around his own.

I’ve never felt more alive.

What trickled through the blinds wasn’t the morning sunlight. I can sleep through that. The peak of the early afternoon sun is what’s leaving my eyes and head in agony no matter how many pillows I cover my head with. As my mind began to trickle out the remaining images of my erotic dream, a large huff slipped past my lips as I soaked up the warmth of the covers and the plushness of the mattress. I inhaled to prepare for a few breathing exercises I tend to do when I’m trying to rid myself of a headache, and I nearly tossed the pillow across the room due to all too familiar scent that has absolutely nothing to do with my own. My eyes flew open and I quickly sat up and glanced around at the unfamiliar surroundings. The Air Jordans next to the chair on the opposite side of the room confirmed what I was praying wasn’t true was indeed the truth. In the chair were the Tom Ford boots I’d danced around Omnia in. My eyes nervously panned down and I noticed my dress was still on. The zipper was still up.

My hand flew up to my head as I did my best to recall last night’s festivities.

We went to the club. I know that. We hung out. We drank. I walked around I believe. Mike and I danced or maybe we didn’t. No, we did. We definitely did. What time did we leave?

As I swung my feet over and planted them on the floor, I glanced over at the nightstand and saw my clutch bag and a note on top of it.

Peaches, 

We left out to check out two properties. You were sleeping so peacefully and you hardly ever sleep, so I wasn’t going to wake you. Don’t be mad at me. Order some room service, but don’t get anything too heavy. We’re going out for pizza when I get back; just you and I. There’s a great spot in the area. See you in a bit.

Dante and I left together. It was just us. We came back to the hotel. We were on the elevator. It was just us. Who pressed the button for the floors? Was it me? We were talking on the elevator. I kissed him and then…

I kissed him.

I ran my hand down my face as frustration filled my body. I kissed the man and I don’t even understand how I got to that point.

Did he kiss me back?

I dreamed about giving myself to him with him next to me?

I could scream.

Why am I always the aggressor? Why can’t I just wait for someone to be interested enough in me to approach me, flirt, ask me out on a date or two, and finally kiss me. Isn’t that how these things go? It happens for Heather that way. It happens for Rachel that way. It happened between my brother and Lauren that way. I’ve heard my parents love story more times than I’ve wanted to and it happened that way and here I am throwing myself at someone…again.

As I placed the note along side me, I grabbed my clutch bag, unzipped it and grabbed my phone. I had missed calls from both of my parents and Rachel. I didn’t bother returning any of those. Instead, I went to my call log and tapped the number I certainly needed to be calling. While fiddling with the note, I listened to three long form rings until there was a connection.

“Autumn, I’m literally walking to the conference room for a meeting as I speak. Can whatever this is wait? I’ll call you when I get out of there.”

“Isaac, I quit.”

[funkymeihem-fiction]

Chapter 15

“Mei! Mei are you watchin’!” “I’m watching, we’re both watching.” Mei was sitting next to Roadhog out on the half-collapsed porch of the safehouse, what was left of her hair pulled back into a scraggly ponytail and covered with the pig motif headscarf. Her treasured snowflake pin lay inside with what little remained of her belongings, but she no longer had enough hair to warrant its use. The scarf at least covered up the damage, and even that small comfort was desperately needed. She felt better after eating, though it brought with it its own unique bout of nausea and made her wonder how the junkers could ever become used to such a thing. If Junkrat even felt the effects of his red zone radiation poisoning on top of his usual radiation poisoning, he was remarkably adept at hiding it. He was up on the roof of the safehouse and trying to reach the roof of one of the little sheds nearby, hanging upside down with his knees locked around a power cable as he positioned some sort of contraption he had rigged up that morning. Mei could recognize a dessicated oil drum he’d scavenged from a burn barrel out in the backyard, lined with tin foil, set up over an extremely ancient satellite dish with more tin foil, a mass of wires and rods and what she could swear was the spatula that Roadhog had been using to make pancakes, and parts of Mei’s broken phone and other assorted junk pieces. Mei sat with her legs dangling and swinging off the least broken part of the sagging porch as Roadhog sat fanning himself with an old magazine, both of them watching the high-strung Junkrat chatter to himself as he seemed to randomly tape pieces of junk together and equally randomly rip pieces of junk apart. Occasionally he’d pull out a wrench and just bang loudly on something nearby, and Mei couldn’t seem to figure out why. Roadhog at least seemed confidently unconcerned, so she tried to match his attitude, even as Junkrat ripped off another length of aluminum foil and started tying it around the innards of an old microwave. “Do you think this will work?” she asked Roadhog idly, shielding her eyes from the bright noonday sun.

“He makes things work,” the larger junker replied. “Somehow.”

“I’ve been listening in on the eco-monitor and there are minor storms still everywhere in the northeast where we’re located. It’s amazing this place hasn’t been knocked down yet, it’s still in the yellow zone.” “I’ve used it occasionally. We’ve been here before. He wouldn’t remember it.” “You said it belongs to one of your old employers?” She asked, watching a discarded screwdriver go flying through the air. “Mm. Belonged. To an employer.” “…Can I ask what happened to them?” “Another employer paid more.” Mei decided it best not to pursue that particular subject, going back to watching his younger partner at work. Junkrat hopped onto the roof of the shed, pulling along an extension cord and plugging it in to something she couldn’t see, before jumping up to take hold of the powerline above once more, shimmying along it with both hands as he headed back to the main roof. “He looks like a monkey,” she mused, and giggled when Junkrat’s shorts sagged around his stretched long, narrow waist, turning her eyes politely when she saw a little more of his rear than was appropriate. When she glanced back, he had managed to twist himself on the line and was facing her with a grin, seemingly ignorant of the fact that now his shorts were completely sagging on his front, and she almost caught a glimpse of- Her face went a deeper shade of pink but she didn’t really look away as he pulled himself along the line with both arms, muscles glistening with sweat as he worked his lean body to and fro, his bare chest and rippling abdomen somehow even more on display than usual, all the way down to those shorts that were so close to falling off his bony hips… Roadhog glanced down at her, following her gaze to his partner before sighing and grumbling slightly, fanning himself once more with his magazine. She could have sworn he was rolling his eyes beneath that mask. “Hmm.” She looked away as Junkrat scrambled back onto the main roof and vanished. “Well…I’m glad he’s off the powerline. He could hurt himself,” she mumbled, also fanning herself with one hand and pretending that it was definitely because of the hot weather. “Mmhm.” “Oi, Mei! Give it a go now!” Junkrat called from somewhere on the roof. “Okay!” She called back, eager for an excuse to flee as she hopped upright and ran back inside and headed for the computer. Like everything else in the little house, the computer was a horrifically outdated relic from before she had even been born. It wouldn’t have been out of place in a museum, with a crude desktop tower and separate viewing monitor, and an awkward little tool she recognized from her technological history books called a ‘mouse’ that had been used for input. It took her a bit to drag it from place to place on the screen, hitting the little phone icon. “I’m trying again!” she called out, and heard an answering bang from the rooftop. There was a garbled dial tone, and the window flickered. The camera window remained black, but she heard static this time, then the voice of Athena introducing herself and preparing to rattle off options. She felt a little rude cutting her off, despite it being a simple computer voice. “Athena, this is Overwatch Agent Mei-Ling Zhou, security number 20151107, put me through to Winston immediately, it’s an emergency.” “Understood, Mei. Welcome back. I am attempting to contact him now.” She waited, repeatedly hitting the camera button to try and get it to turn on, but the screen remained blank. Even worse, the signal seemed to be petering off, and she could hear more static and then what could have sworn was the faint sound of someone, probably Winston, speaking as though very far away. “-if it’s real, I want it traced now. Bring up-” More garbled static, “-on the display. If they still have her, th-” Frowning, she cupped both hands around her mouth. “I’m losing the signal!” There was another bang from up above, then a disconcertingly loud scraping noise. A moment later she tried hitting the camera screen again, and this time it responded. The picture was grainy and somewhat hard to make out, but there was the familiar visage of Winston peering back at her. Behind him stood Dr. Ziegler, McCree, and Lena, and all of them cheered when the fuzzy picture of the little scientist appeared on screen. Winston sat back hard, placing a thick gloved hand to his chest in apparent shock. “Mei…” Mei managed a smile of relief, a few tears squeezing from her eyes as she adjusted her glasses to wipe at her cheeks. “Ni hao, Winston! Hello, everybody! I’m…I can’t tell you how good it is to see you!” Dr. Ziegler leaned forward, letting Winston get his bearings. “Hallo Mei, we’re so glad to see you too. What is your status? Can you tell us what happened?” Mei frowned as the picture wavered slightly, glancing up as there was another clank on the roof. “I’m not sure how much signal we can maintain here, I can’t give you a full report. But our transport broke down and we were caught up in one of the red storms. I had to enact a full-vac cryo-freeze with everything I had in the tankard, but I didn’t have time to make measurements or adjustments for time and mass. It was the only thing I could think of, and when we finally broke out, we were stranded in the red zone and had to walk for…several days? I’m not sure, I wasn’t in very good shape. But we’ve made it to a safehouse! We’re still alive! And I’m so sorry to make you worry, I’m so sorry!” Winston shook his head, rubbing his chin. “No, no need to apologize. We all knew some emergency must have happened. I sent out search teams, Soldier 76 and Ana, Hanzo and Tracer, and Pharah and McCree-” McCree lifted his hat in the background as he was named, and Lena muttered something about ‘never traveling with that stuffy prat ever again’ as Winston continued, “We also tried to send in search drones, but the ‘locals’ seemed keen on knocking them out of the sky for parts. I’m…sorry, that we couldn’t do more to find you…” She lifted a hand to wipe at her nose. “I knew you’d try to find us. I never meant for the freeze to last that long, I just didn’t have time-” “Mei, darlin’,” McCree interrupted in his smooth drawl. “From what I seen in that godforsaken desert, I know you did whatever you could just to get out alive. We’re just real glad to see you.” “Just tell us where you are now, I’m sending in an extraction team for you right away,” Winston said, typing rapidly. Mei nodded, then glanced to Angela, who was still standing placidly in the background. Perhaps it was just the poor camera quality, but she could have sworn that Angela was giving her an extremely odd look before she leaned down to whisper to the simian scientist. Frowning, Mei turned her gaze back to her gorilla friend instead. “The junkers should be back any minutes, but I’ll tell th-” “Are you safe now?” “What? Yes, we’re at the safehouse somewhere in the eastern yellow zone, like I said. They’re just outside.” “Is the door locked?” Winston looked past her. Mei stared at them for a moment before it dawned on her what they were really asking. “No! No, the door’s not locked, they’re just outside to help set up the signal equipment. Whatever you’re thinking, I’m sure it’s not-” She looked up as the door banged open, and Roadhog lumbered into the living room, his pig mask peering in silent menace at the screen just over Mei’s shoulder. A moment later, Junkrat’s arms encircled the little scientist from the side, leaning to press a fond kiss to her temple before peering at the screen and waving cheerfully. “How’s it, Mei! Oi, I knew it’d work! Can’t tell you how glad we are to even be seeing you dags again!” He grinned. All eyes were watching as Junkrat kissed her so casually on camera, each of them wearing expressions of idle shock and turned to mixtures of amusement and confusion when she responded with a simple smile and a word of thanks. “…Huh,” McCree mused. “Guess it’s one of them ‘opposites attract’ things.” “Awww, I think it’s sort of sweet,” Lena cooed. Winston folded his hands in front of his face, vainly trying to hide his frown. Angela lofted a pale brow, but lifted a hand to the others and tried to speak soothingly. “Now, I realize that a lot has happened in these past months, and I know we all have questions for one another…” The woman was blinking rapidly as she spoke, and Mei suddenly realized that the angelic doctor was trying to signal her with morse code, just like in their old training during potential hostage situations. They thought she was in distress in more ways than one. Mei’s mouth dropped open, shaking her head. “Dr. Ziegler, I’m fine! I mean, I’m not fine fine, but our circumstances were- Look, it’s nothing like that.” Angela merely nodded. “I apologize if I seemed presumptuous, Mei, but I couldn’t help but notice your wrists…” She looked down at her wrists, having not even noticed the abrasions from days earlier when Junkrat had tied her to him to carry her over the wasteland. They had been overshadowed by her bleeding gums and hair loss and other more severe afflictions. There were red burn marks and bruises all around her wrists, and she lifted a hand to rub at one self-consciously, tightening her jaw slightly. “It’s not like that! It’s not what you’re thinking, they weren’t binding me like that or anything. I mean, we did use ropes, but for a different reason!” McCree spit out part of his coffee in a wide spray that spattered a shrieking Lena, while Junkrat burst into wild giggles beside her. Mei’s face reddened immediately, going to shove the skinny junker off screen. “You’re not helping, Jamison! That’s not what I meant! You all know that’s not what I meant! Jamie tied my wrists together so I could ride on his back- Jesse, I see you back there laughing! It’s not that! Stop! Bái mù!” “BE that as it may,” Winston suddenly boomed, silencing McCree with a glare as he adjusted his glasses. “It’s clear the situation is not entirely…ideal. I’m sending immediate extraction.” “Wait! We’re still in a very dangerous zone in the inner deserts! According to the new eco-monitor, there are still storms circulating around the northeast quadrant. The weather patterns all around here are going to be incredibly dangerous, and I can’t in good conscience send anyone into that mess. I’m proposing that in two days we rendezvous at a safer point -” Winston shook his head. “We don’t have two days. We can brave the weather, we’re coming and we’re going to get you out. Lena, put in the fuel orders, I want a team there yesterday.” “No! Winston, no! I’m trying to tell you, it might be too dangerous-” “We can handle it. We’re coming to get you out. You can’t remain in that…situation!” Again, the other scientist cut her off, and she recognized by the flared nostrils and glints of his pointed teeth that he was extremely agitated, and it was agitating her in turn. Mercy recognized it as well, going to lay a calming hand on his shoulder. “Now, there’s no need for this, I’m sure-” Mei narrowed her gaze, that latent suffering-induced anger and hatred that she had only just gotten under control again rearing its ugly head somewhere inside her. She leaned forward, fists tightening, voice rising to an obvious challenge. “What situation is that, Winston! You can’t just ignore my advice, and I don’t want any more of my friends in danger! It’s worse here than I thought, we nearly died. I’m telling you that we need to wait two days, at the very least. I don’t want anyone else hurt!” Just like that, the atmosphere in both locations turned from joyous reunion to obvious tension. Lena and McCree seemed to fade back slightly into the background and Mercy lifted both hands in her usual plaintive peacekeeper mannerisms. Junkrat went to place a comforting arm around Mei, took a look at her face and thought better of it, and even Roadhog seemed to glance about unsurely as the two scientists faced off through the computer screen. “You’ve been missing for four months, Angela says you’re clearly sick, you have bruises all over your arms, and I promise you that I’ll do everything within my power to…get you where you can get proper help. We can handle bad weather. You might not be able to see it right now, but I would never forgive myself for leaving you there again while you might still be in danger. I know that you might be feeling, um, strong emotions of bonding by going through admittedly troubled times, but you may have developed, erm, these tendencies as a coping or survival mechanism, while…er…” The gorilla stammered. Mei’s eyes widened slightly. That had been the wrong answer. Angela winced, shaking her head quickly. “Now now, everyone involved here is an adult. Mei is well within her rights to do as she wishes, within reason. There’s no-” “Did you just suggest that I have Stockholm Syndrome? Because I want to wait? Because I’ve been here with the junkers?” The little climatologist’s voice was quiet, almost dangerous. “Oi!” Junkrat protested, looking put out. “I never gave her a syndrome! I did all them check-ups, even the ones below the belt! Doc Angelface said I’m cleaner than a nun’s nasty!” “I’m not saying that! It’s just…when one spends a lot of time with certain people during periods of extreme emotional distress…” Winston trailed off uncomfortably. Mei stood up abruptly in her chair, leaning into the monitor as if she could physically pass through it, voice raising to a shout that startled both parties on both ends. Pointing a finger at the startled ape, she began babbling in rapid Mandarin. Junkrat and Roadhog looked thoroughly lost, and Jesse and Lena gave each other a rather baffled look. Angela and Winston, both of whom spoke the language, looked shocked. Winston looked flustered, adjusting his glasses just to have something to do with his hands, staring down at the keyboard like a scolded child. “And furthermore!” she spat, switching back to English, voice quavering and tears sliding down her cheeks despite her harsh words, “These marks on my wrists, they’re from where Jamie tied them together so he could carry me on his back after I nearly died from heatstroke! He carried me for an entire day after I couldn’t walk! And Roadhog revived me after the cryo-freeze nearly killed me! Both of them saved my life and kept me going! They’re…They are my friends! And since I am still acting leader of this operation and am of sound mental health, though I thank you for your concerns, I am denying any attempts at early extraction, for the health and safety of the team here, and to keep my other friends out of harm’s way. We are going to meet you at the coordinates I send you in two days. That is final! This is Mei-ling Zhou, over and OUT. No! Before I go!…The food you sent with us, STINKS!” Winston opened his jaws to answer but Mei hit the switch, the feed ending and the screen going black.

***

Mei sat back, lips tightened in a thin line as she breathed through her nose, pulling off her glasses to wipe at her watering eyes. Even then, she sniffled fiercely as she opened up the primitive old e-mail program, going to type in a set of coordinates and a time, hitting send before closing everything down with no more hesitation. In fact, she even petulantly banged the top of the computer shut a little more loudly than she should have, just because it made her feel a tiny bit better. That would show him! Junkrat and Roadhog gave each other a look before the former uttered a little awkward cough. “Well! That was a foine howdoyado! Fucking monkey thought we were some sort of Stockholms keepin’ the snowflake to ourselves?” “Well he’s wrong! Treating me like a child and treating you like…criminals!” “Yeah! Who would call us criminals! Gall!” She scowled slightly, Junkrat’s joking tones not doing much to improve her mood so soon after fighting with her other friends. Her hands were still shaking from the confrontation just moments earlier. “It’s not funny!” “It kinda is!” “You’re not like that! And he has no reason to think-” Junkrat turned his eyes to the ceiling, touching his tongue to his gold tooth. “Er, don’t want anyone thinking I’m gonna defend the monkey here, but isn’t that what you thought of us?” Roadhog glanced down at the two and promptly turned and walked away, clearly not wishing to get involved. Mei held up a finger and was about to give him a very self-righteous defense that she DID NOT think that way, but paused when she saw the way he was looking at her; a little more serious than usual, his focus entirely on her with perhaps just a tiny, tiny bit of bemused irritation. She’d just been called out. She shut her mouth and looked down at the floor, brows knitting and averting her gaze. She finally found something to say a few moments later, mumbling down at her feet. “No, you’re right. I did the exact same thing. I thought you were just some…some…” “No-good bully? Criminal terrorist? Heh, yeah. S’allright, I didn’t mind. You blow up a few buildings and bomb some suits, you get a reputation! Besides, I knew I’d win you over with my dashin’ good looks and sparkling personality eventually!” “…I’m sorry.” Junkrat was eying her again. He still wasn’t particularly good at the concept of apologies. Such things were nearly nonexistent amongst the junkers. There had been the occasional begging or sniveling for survival, of course, but those types of ‘sorry’s were a whole different matter. Usually, things would simply work themselves out with a few explosions or punches, or ignored entirely and life would go on. He and Roadhog frequently came to blows over disagreements, which Roadhog always won, or petty revenge schemes and pranks, which Junkrat always won; but never any apologies. Mei looked quite small now, only the tips of her toes even touching the ground from where she sat on her chair. The bruises around her wrists did look rather suspicious if he looked at them the right way, on top of all her other bruises and cuts and burns. She’d lost a noticeable amount of weight, had dark circles under her eyes, and even the scarf didn’t entirely hide her lost hair or her angry, tired expression. She really looked like a junker now, and this time he wasn’t entirely sure that he liked it. But here she was with her head down and apologizing to him, and he wasn’t sure he liked that either. Indignation faded away and he cautiously went to place a hand on her shoulder. She didn’t shy away, but it didn’t stop her next apology either. “I’m sorry I treated you that way. Lots of people in Overwatch don’t have spotless pasts. Most of my friends don’t. I don’t. You’re…you’re a lot more than what I thought you were.” He pulled her closer. “Ah, darl, let it go. I mean, we were criminals. And I mean, you want to get technical, Overwatch is still criminal activity! S’just a nice step up, if you ask me. Comes with free food and water, toilets what actually work most of the time, soft beds, bomb bits and expenses, and some really cute icy-cold sheilas!” “I just didn’t know you very well. I know you better now. Please stop looking at me that way, I know it’s hypocritical…I shouldn’t have lost my temper at him like that…In front of everybody…Oh no, I really blew it. I need to apologize to Winston! Can we set up the signal again? I’m going to call him back!” Her despondency lifted as she reached for the computer, and Junkrat calmly went to drag her backward to keep her away, chair legs scraping the floor. “Nah, you joking? I just watched you give that monkey a fucking earful, I’d say everything was well worth it. Besides, like you said, you’re the boss here. We needed a few days, we got a few days.” She leaned her ragged head against his arm. “It’s almost going to be strange. In just a few days we’ll be going back. Home?” Junkrat’s expression faltered slightly. “Yeah…Home. Back to the base, yeah?” She looked up at him, her expression much the same. The base wasn’t home, not really. It was just where she’d gone when she’d woken up, because there was nothing left for her anywhere else. It had all the trappings of a home; her own room and her equipment and friends were all there, but she’d been eager to leave, even if it meant coming here. Junkrat’s home had been destroyed and he’d fought hard to even survive amongst the ruins of the dangerous wasteland that had been left behind, dying a little more every day; but he felt no real loyalty to his new cause and, beyond creature comforts, had never regarded the base as a home in the first place. And soon they would be going back. She shifted slightly in his grasp. “I still feel a little peevish. Do you want to go blow something up? I’ll watch…from a safe distance?” Junkrat brightened immediately, pulling her up out of the chair and towards the door. “That’s my girl! Leave it to me, love, I’ll put on a show for you! We still got some time to Stockholm you, let’s make it count!”