❝I am not a Valyrian Sex God.❞
part 03 | pucker up, buttercup
chapter summary:
[ The line of friendship dances in uncertain waters when you and Aemond play the fake dating game a little too well. Helaena reveals much more than meets the eye to Aegon, and vice versa. Oh, and Alys. Hi Alys! ]
[ 5,399 ] [ series masterlist ]
| best friend's brother!aemond targaryen x f!reader, ft. cregan stark x f!reader & aemond targaryen x alys rivers,
contains— mostly fluff, a wee bit angsty, a little smutty - profanity, i swear a lot sorry too shhshs - no use of y/n - no gods, no kings, no betas.
a/n— thank you so much for the love this little fic is getting so far!! it truly warms my heart that you people enjoy my twisty, crackpot humour and my version of a modern au for these characters!! as much as i am grateful for george for making these characters and these stories, i have to say what propelled me to write is the beautiful community i found. truly, from the bottom of my heart.
❥ fandom is built on community. i would not have had the courage to start writing fanfiction again if not for ya'll. so thank you so much. for the consumers and the creators. you, us, are the beating heart of fandom. please take care of each other.
+ comment, reblog & like at will, mwa ♡
"Please tell me I haven't inhaled so much drugs in my system that I am hallucinating our— and I say this with a lot love, okay you know what? No. Our Nasty Little Bitch of A Grudge Holder we call, lovingly, a brother, is not dating the hottest friend you have? Hel? The hottest friend you told me if I ever came anywhere near, you'd rip me a new asshole? How is Aemond's asshole still intact?? Or does our brother just have a gaping fun-house slide down there? Hello? Hellooo, pay attention to meee. This is so rude, why didn't I call Daeron?"
"Because Daeron knows nothing and I know everything?" Hel snorts, finishing up re-naming Aemond's contact from CURRENT DUMB BRO to NASTY LITTLE BITCH OF A GRUDGE HOLDER, before turning to Aegon on her laptop.
Like she predicted, Aegon is already pouting, leaning back on what Helaena remembers is their grandfather's rum-coloured leather office chair. In his office. In Oldtown.
After a quick stint in Ibiza, it seems Helaena's brother had found himself back in the country, and worse— back in their grandfather's office. Without him in it.
"Grandpa's going to kill you." Helaena snorts. "How'd you even get inside his house?"
"This is not the first time I have been faced with a locked door, baby sister."
"You broke a window didn't you?"
"I really, really had to piss."
She rolls her eyes. Hard. "You are a boy. You can literally just pee anywhere."
Aegon flutters a gasp and a hand over his chest. "Excuse me? I may have a penis, but that does not mean I have to be uncouth. For shame, Helaena. Also disgusting. But that's not why I called." He steeples his fingers as he leans forward, pressing his elbows against the nice mahogany desk. "What the fuck is happening over there? I'll be there by tomorrow and I'd like to know what the fuck is happening before I start—" he wiggles his eyebrows salaciously, " — shaking things up."
A dark look crosses Helaena's usually amiable pretty face that has Aegon leaning back. "If you do anything— and I mean anything — to ruin what I have going on, Mother may help you for I certainly won't. The Stranger will look like an old friend, Egg, don't you fucking dare."
"What the fuck," Aegon exhales, wide-eyed and horrified. "Have you been watching M. Night Shyamalan movies again?"
"No," she lies. "I'm doing this for my OTP."
"Oh my god, you're the one who roped them together?" Aegon strangles a sigh. "Lae-lae, we've talked about this. No matter how much you think they're cute, Aemond—"
"— Aemond and Alys broke up."
"Then they'll be together again before the weekend's out." Aegon rolls his eyes. "It's Aemond."
"Not like this." Hel shakes her head. "I got her to agree, Egg. And they're like... Gods, the pictures don't do them justice. They're magnetic. They make plans at the apartment, Aemond is there all the time— my OTP is happening."
"You are playing god between two people you care about."
"What else am I supposed to do?! They're obviously so hot for each other, and now that Alys is out of the picture, and she's there, right in front of him, Egg, you should see how it is between them. The energy. It's crackling. They have inside jokes, they're so comfortable with each other, and I will have the most beautiful nephew and niece—"
"—Helaena Targaryen," Aegon admonishes with finality. Hel quiets. Often times, the siblings forget Aegon is quintessentially the oldest sibling. They had never been close to their father's actual firstborn— the age gap is wide and there's just... too much complicated family fissures in between that it feels awkward, even when they're relationship is okay, to interact or consider Rhaenyra anything past a cousin you see every other holiday because you have to, much less now that their father's dead — so Aegon is their big brother.
And though they see it in bits, in flung comet pieces that you see preciously once every few hundred years— the vibe of big brother grasps the edges and reminds the younger siblings.
Sure, he's a dick. Sure, he's a whore. Sure, he's their mother's least and most favourite headache— but Aegon is their big brother.
"You cannot play puppeteer like this. This can blow up in their faces. And they care for each other. Their friends. If this blows up in their faces, it is going to hurt."
"I know that," Helaena says quietly, pout pinched but face mostly cleared. "You don't think I don't know?"
"I think you've already outweighed your chances and your choosing a possibility."
Helaena looks truly scolded at that point, and it juts a guilt down Aegon's stomach. But Aegon likes you. Maybe not like in the way that his brother likes you— in that intense, possessive way he gets with people and things he care about because there are so few of them — but he likes you. And he loves Aemond on a bad day, and likes him on a good one.
And Aegon knows, as a superior power about crashing and burning, that this is going to hurt both of you in ways that he truly doesn't think Helaena understands.
Because he isn't blind (as his brother) (bad joke?) (probably) to what he sees in Aemond's gaze when it looks at you. Sure it's possessive, sure it's the same way he looks at most people he keeps close to his heart.
But he was the one who saw how Aemond looked at you before Alys came into the picture. Before it morphed into nothing but platonic; morphed close to how he looks at Helaena. In that soft, I'm So Glad This Person Exists I Would Kill Literally Everyone For Them.
Aegon always thought he looked at you like he wanted to devour you. Etch you into his skin until your shape is in red marks across white plane. He looked at you like I Would Kill Myself If You Asked.
It was the possibility of devotion dipped in insanity. Aemond had so few things, much less people, who so vocally, physically, and emotionally cared for him without addendums.
The only real reason he never did anything before was because you were Helaena's best friend. Helaena loved you. And he couldn't destroy that alongside the fact that you might leave his side.
And then Alys happened and that focal point moved.
Aegon knew his brother. Not as intensely, and maybe that's the reason he could see it. To see clearly past the intensity and recognise its edges. Aegon knew his brother in his marrow.
"When this crashes and burns—"
"If!" Helaena quips stubbornly. "If it crashes and burns. Come home. You'll see, Egg. Aemond just needs to see."
"And what if she doesn't reciprocate, Lae-lae? She's not hard to love, and this is Aemond." Even Helaena knows his feelings, once taken root in whatever form, can blossom.
Helaena smiles softly. "Come home. You'll see. I can see it. I've seen it. The possibility of them, and it's so pretty, Egg."
It's really not all that pretty, fake dating.
Maybe it could be, but Aemond Targaryen is such an ass.
"This is not like The Devil Wears Prada fashion montage," you grumble, pinching off the big, 60s, yellow sunglasses off your nose to glare pointedly at the man sat on lounge chair. "All the zippers and tugging— this is not as pretty! And I look ridiculous! I don't wear dresses like these, Aemy!"
"You don't look ridiculous, you look like my girlfriend." He makes his emphasis with an inch raised eyebrow and pouty lips twitching not to laugh. "That's the point, is it not?"
You make a drawl huff. It's not just that his words were right— that's what the past hour has been, roaming around all these big named fashion brands where the staff just knows Aemond Targaryen, if not just by him sauntering in with all the swagger of an asshole you'd walk the other side of the street to ignore, then by the flash of his black card (or three, 'cause what the fuck is money to Targaryens holy shit) — but the way he's sitting as he appraises every look he's chosen for you.
He's lax, as could be in his usually perfect posture, with his hips in the middle, and one leg braced down whilst the other is raised to his other thigh. A confident man's sitting position, with an arm over the length of the sofa, balancing a champagne a trying-to-suppress-her-giddiness staff gave him.
At your disapproved glare— down on your nose at him because you're standing over him, lording over him, as he's sitting down — and he's smirking up at you. As if the power dynamics don't shift by whoever is looming over the other.
Aemond doesn't need to stand to make you feel all fluttery with a smirk and a strong gaze against your body. His eyes gaze from the bottom of your heeled toes, slow, slow, slow, until it reached the top of your head.
Surely you've only imagined his gaze lingering on certain parts of you that now felt hot and tingly.
Surely.
"Plus," he continues with a hum. A sip of champagne. "Isn't this your idea?"
"Yes, but—"
"Didn't you tell me that I should prepare the kind of outfits that Aemond Targaryen's girlfriend would wear—"
"Yes, but I—"
He leans forward, taking pleasure in arguing with you, as he settles his elbows on his knees, pressing both of his feet flat on the tile. He's looking up, still, but his eyes are intense and the corner of his mouth is twitching from a grin he's trying to fight.
"And even when I told you that didn't matter, that whatever you wore would be fine, you insisted?"
"Because I thought it'd be fun!" you growl and he falls in faint, amused laughter. His eye is sparkling and there's a joy to him that makes you giddy. You truly have missed Aemond as you know him. "Because I wanted a fun dress-up montage, but nothing about this is fun! Why are you choosing so many goddamned zippers, and they're all so fucking tight?"
You plop beside him, stealing his champagne. Staff look away, trying not to ogle too much between you two. As you take sips of his drink, his hand, still over the sofa's arm, begin drawing idle circles on your exposed shoulders. It warms you and calms you down, melting further in the seat beside him.
"I liked the dresses," he finally murmurs. "The ones before this. The flowy fabric ones."
"Those are summer dresses," you say though don't know why.
"Hm," he hums. "You look pretty in them."
You look up at him and he's looking at you, a small smile on his face. The proximity is too near to be proper but not near enough if you're fake dating. You study his silver lashes and the scarred flesh.
"Thanks."
"We'll get them. Is that alright with you?"
You snort softly. "You're paying, Aemy. You can do whatever you want. Can't believe this is how your dates with Alys usually went."
Hatching plans meant unloading information about his former relationship with her. Going through their relationship so you could understand it better, better proportioned the good and the bad, and secretly, make him see the red flags that should jump out in clear, plastic red.
"Not at first." He's looking away now, but his finger is still drawing circles. There's a wistful tone to his voice, like seeing through a dream and a memory. "But when it got... bad, it seemed like the only time we weren't fighting was when we were in public. Almost subconsciously, whenever things got tensed, I'd offer to take us out. Do anything outside of our bubble. Money isn't an issue, and before Alys said she felt like a... cheap whore than a girlfriend, buying things for her, spending time looking through things to wear, to match almost, was safe."
"Gift Giving," you mutter with a nod. He turns.
"What was that?"
"A love language." He cocks his head. You sigh. "I mean it's stupid and not really theoretically accurate, but for fun, there's five types of love languages. People do this test thing and sort of box up the kind of love language you want to receive and what you give— but truly, in my opinion, a true kind of love demands all five for it to work."
He hums, intrigued. "And what are the five?"
"Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Gift Giving. But, you know, all of those should be given by a partner, in increments they can do for you. There shouldn't be a boxed fixture of what your relationship could be."
You shrug, standing up and stretching. You don't see him looking at you in the way that he has been for the past few days, and he doesn't know the tingles and feelings you keep between a smile and a sigh.
"Love looks different for everyone but it should have the same concept."
"And what concept is that?"
You turn to him, smiling. "That if you truly love someone, you can try anything. Love doesn't demand things that you do for the simple reason that you love the person enough."
"Love can be complicated," he says, and he's not arguing, not really. He isn't begging for you to understand. He is simply saying.
"Love can," you agree. "As most things are complicated. But it doesn't have to hurt."
It's a boundary line, the way he blinks, remembering why you're here together, why he gets to touch you in intimate ways, why he gets to pay for clothes, why you spend this time with him. A jolt. A shock.
You don't press and he doesn't retreat. The line exists not just to remind, but to stabilise any projections. Any dangerous tones.
You simply smile, nodding at the time. "Dinner date, babycakes. We can't be late for reservations."
"We can be late for a few minutes," he says, remembering echoes of how Alys sometimes got late. It isn't really her fault; there are days when she's too busy at the law firm, too busy with a meeting or two, or still finishing up her makeup because she doesn't like going to dinner in her work clothes.
"Sure, but we're here together and I know how much you hate being late." You snort.
"I don't hate it."
"Sure, but you got that eye twitch you do when you're annoyed," you tease, tapping your own eye before you wink at him and skip away.
For the past few days since the bar incident, by your suggestion, you and Aemond had pour out the intricacies of how Aemond and Alys' relationship worked whilst hiding your true intention of making him see its faults and corners, and at the same time, continue on with the charade of dating him.
It's been a packed week or so, going to your shifts at the bar, meeting with Cregan once and a while (boy had been busy, and he found the entire thing with Aemond incredibly hilarious).
You answered no question mark in regards on who the hand was, only sent a winky face or a kiss blowing emoji. You continue to post minute representations of your no-longer-single status in brief intervals, making sure that you never name him. You never publicly give him a recognisable body.
But for those that knew, knew.
It really wasn't that hard. There were only so much pale, toned hands, so much body builds you can hide with your hand covering his general face that you can hide without people making smart guesses. There wasn't a lot of pale, toned people around you after all.
But in your refusal to name him, the question continues, and so does Alys silent observation of every post. The only story she had liked had been the very first one.
You often wonder what she thinks, before your mind is devoured once again with everything else.
To be fair, as often as you had both been seeing each other lately— and it has been the most often you have been seeing of him — there were still things outside of Aemond and Helaena plans. And Aemond still had UNI to focus on.
"You know, I often forget you're still in university," you say now, comfortably warm in Aemond's car. All fresh leather seat and crisp new car smell despite knowing that Aemond's had this unit now for at least a year. He maybe rich, but he knew what he liked and took care of them.
He shoots you a quizzical look before looking back at the road. The city is bathed in a gorgeous stream of oranges and pinks, tie-dying glass buildings and bustle of city roads. When you look at him, you smile softly at how pretty the light hits him.
"Why is that? Do I look that young?"
"Your vibe is so old man on a nine to three, cigar breaks by four, and whiskey sours by seven pm."
He makes a disgruntled sound at the back of his throat. You laugh. "I would like to think it's my altruistic classicism. A timeless endeavour."
"Sure, old man," you tease then sigh. "Reality is, I'm so much older than you. I'm hanging out with a child. On my free day. Is this what it means to reach low status?"
"I am not a child." His reply is sharp, cutting, almost offended.
"You're in college."
"And of legal age? You're only four years older."
"Oh, right."
"What?"
You smirk at his dark look. "You like 'em way older."
His face, much like his gaze, heats up. You're imaging it when the ride turns red, the car slows to a stop, and he is looking at your lips. Surely it was, because you got transfixed with the way his tongue darts out to wet his lips. A slow, tantalising movement.
It feels like an eternity stretched within three seconds. The light turns green and both of you turn away.
Well, there's been that. A few times. But it doesn't mean anything. Aemond is in that transition of trying to rid himself of bad habits, of being freshly single once again, and you know he and Alys get in on frequently. This had been a conversation a few days back, on a couch, smell of grease and pizza around the room while Murder She Wrote played in the background.
"Wait, wait, wait." You sat up, folding your legs underneath your butt, and giving Aemond your full attention with a little 'o' in your mouth.
"Wait!" Helaena calls playfully from her sway to the bathroom. "Imma pee!"
"Take care, my beloved!" you call back, before turning to Aemond with a big, Cheshire grin.
"Can we not dwell on it?" He's flustered but is trying not to show it, looking back to the TV as if he understood why there's a body on the plane.
But wine has been had, spilled and shared, and it's enough for you to grab that fluster and the topic, and smirked.
"No, no, we will talk about it. We shall! We must! Do you mean to tell me that by the end of it, most of the time, you two were just boning? Is Aemy, one of my favourite people in the world, a Valyrian Sex God?? Oh my god??"
"I am not a Valyrian Sex God."
"Okay, girly pop, please." You raised a hand in a 'talk to the hand' motion and he was smiling at you, entranced and frustrated. "Women talk, Aemy!"
There was a flush and Helaena came back. Wine did things to Helaena, and she was stumbling and giggling as she flopped behind you, turning around and encasing you in a koala hug.
"Women talk, baby bro." Helaena nodded sagely. "Even I try not to listen, they talk, alas."
"And Alys has said those hips—" You pointed a j'accuse finger at his hips, then his mouth. "—and that tongue has done things that can make the Maiden blush."
Helaena groaned behind you're back, a slew of 'ew's escaping her mouth. And you were still being playful, teasing, but Aemond was looking at you, though scarlet, with a deepened expression.
And at that moment, both of you were thinking the same thing.
His chin brushing your thighs, your sighs like music to his ears, and his tongue making you scream.
Warmth pooled, twin expressions share a gaze. Hunger, desire, shame.
The connection was destroyed when Helaena abruptly jolted and fell down the carpet. Because she was holding onto you, you got pulled with her.
"Are you okay??" Aemond asked.
Hel gasped. "I thought I saw Bobby. I think I squished Bobby."
You shook your head. "You didn't. Bobby is spry. Bobby knows to move away."
Aemond's confused face peered down at both of you. "Who's Bobby?"
"The local spider that lives here."
"Of course." And he smiled.
You smiled back.
Helaena giggled beside you but when you ask her, she only shook her head.
And the silence that lulls in the car is like both of you reaching the very same memory and having to sit through the stifle of that drunken interaction about his sex life. He coughs, you let out a breathy giggle.
"I should admit something," he says, parking the car in front of the restaurant. Dusk is settling, sunset in bright red and orange turning to a cool blue and pretty lavender— and when you turn to him after getting out of the car, coddling your jacket close to your body, he looks nervy. Apologetic, almost.
"What? What'd you do?"
He bites his bottom lip. "I know something about this restaurant."
"I would assume. You chose it." Your eyes narrow, giving the black-out floor to ceiling windows a look. The Painted Table is lit up in a scrawled font on top of it.
You step inside, not bothering to turn to his call of your name, and is submerged by the restaurant's vibe. It's a darkened place with meaningful lighting but a casual air, a bar on the side, and an upbeat jazzy music dancing in the air — it looks good. The place smelled delicious.
Nothing about it sparked familiarity to you, but the anticipation from that look of guilt on his face brought you to a high-strung, so when he calls your name again, just behind you, you turn.
"Is this where you had your first date with Alys?"
He shakes his head. "No. No, but—"
"Aemond?"
The voice is familiar, and you don't stop enough to think before you're turning to the low, clear voice that's just a hint of husky, and Alys' green eyes go wide at your appearance.
She's dressed nice, dressed to go out in a black dress dipping low and fabric tangled around her body to show off her curves. Her inky hair was swept to one side and her mouth was bloodred.
Alys Rivers, owner of Aemond's firsts. The woman he seemingly can't let go off.
You smile. It feels fake. "Oh. Hi Alys."
Her shock staves off into a genuine smile that makes you guilty. "Hi, my love. I see you two are together. Always attached at the hip. Dinner?"
Before you nod— or maybe strangle Aemond — he comes forward, taking your hand in the process and lacing it. He's looking at her as if he's setting a challenge when Alys' eyes fall on your intertwined hands.
"Yes," he says. "We are."
"Well... that's good. This place is great. I—" Someone calls her name, she turns back. You shoot Aemond a withering glare you hope conveys how much you're going to beat his ass after this. She turns back, smiling still. There's a pinch between her eyes but it's gone by the third blink. "Well, I have to go. I'll see you both soon, okay?" She turns to you, stepping forward, not minding the Targaryen beside you. "Especially you. We haven't hung out in a while."
"That's true, I've missed you, you crazy witch." And she laughs and you smile, because you genuinely consider Alys to be one of your friends. Not maybe as deeply as Helaena's, or as close, but Alys was an amazing person and you enjoy her company.
Plus, right now the one you're angry about it solely the man holding your hand.
Alys turns to Aemond, and he stiffens. Between them is a complicated look. So many things unsaid, before her smirk softens. "It's nice to see you too, Aemond."
And she turns away, walking back to her table, to her date, when you tug him with you to the bar. As you order a dry martini, he speaks. Calm and soft.
"You're mad at me."
"You knew she was going to be here." You turn to him, arching an eyebrow, hating the way your chest pangs. "You stalked her and brought us here because you wanted to use me."
He shifts, face crumples at the word 'use' and calls your name in a plead. "It's not like that."
You snort, taking a sip of your drink when it arrives. "Don't lie."
"Okay. Yes, I did. I... I made an impulsive decision because I wanted to see how she could go on a date as if we were nothing." Bitterness cripples his words, the smirk on his lips is ironic and darkened in hurt. Your heart hurts for him, but you can't give him a pass just like that. He hurt you too.
"You could've told me."
He raises an eyebrow. "You would be okay with this?"
Your own smile is ironic and darkened by hurt. "You're already using me, Aemy. That was the deal I agreed, for Hel. It would at least lick the wound to have been in the know, and not, you know, got shot in the face with it."
At the first part of your tirade, he looked like he wanted to argue with the using part, but the realisation weighs him because it is true. To him, he is using you. And it's a cheap shot on your part because you were also doing this for him, out of your own free will.
You sigh when he turns away, guilt dipping low.
"You're such a dumbass."
He hums in agreement.
You're aware of a gaze from the tables, somewhere in the ocean of jazz music and chatter, Alys is looking, and you kinda wanna make this good for him. You were already here after all.
Your hand reaches his jaw, sliding across his neck until you reach his nape and fingers tangle with the baby hairs there. His hair had been wrapped into a bun. Sleek and fluffy.
He turns to you, to your touch, in shock. "What are you—"
"Try not to look so surprised," you whisper, stepping close to him until your noses are bumping. "We're supposed to be dating."
And then you slant your mouth against his.
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My Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss Shipping Tier List
Hazbin Hotel Ships
Huskerdust - Angel Dust and Husk. My Hellaverse OTP! I've talked about them at length in my Huskerdust analysis post. Long story short: they're not perfect people, but they could be perfect for each other. They've both been through bad times and done bad things, but there's a chance they could change for the better now that they have each other. And that's why I love thinking about them together.
Chaggie - Charlie Morningstar and Vaggie. They're a sweet established couple, and it's cute to see how they'll take any opportunity to hold hands or hug or brush hair off each other's faces. Plus, I'm a sucker for pairings where one person is a grump and the other is a ray of sunshine.
Emilute - Lute and Emily. They're both angels, but very different in looks and personality. One is dark-skinned with pastel clothes and compassion for Sinners; the other is pale-skinned with black clothes and a dedication to eradicating Sinners. Emily would want to help Lute see the light, whereas Lute would try to make Emily cross over to the dark side... @carpp had made some great fanart of the two of them, which made me love the pairing!
Emilette - Emily and Velvette. I started shipping this thanks to @dallina17 and their posts on the pairing. I think it's interesting that Emily and Velvette both have musical moments where they stand up to authority figures (Sera in "You Didn't Know" and Carmilla in "Respectless", respectively), but go about it in different ways (appeals to morality vs. brash rudeness) and with different motives (concern for others vs. self-interest). That's got me thinking about what would happen if the two women ever met. Also, Black sapphic solidarity for the win!
MollyBomb - Molly and Cherri Bomb. I just think it would be funny if Angel's sister and Angel's best friend ended up dating. It's as simple as that!
CherriSnake - Cherri Bomb and Sir Pentious. Their shift from rivals to crushing on each other felt a bit rushed, but I'm intrigued to see where this relationship goes and what impact they might have on each other.
StaticNeedle - Niffty and Vox. I've talked a lot about my headcanon that Niffty and Vox were married in life. It stemmed from realising that they both died in the Fifties, and kind-of spiralled from there. It's probably the rarest rarepair I ship.
StaticMoth - Vox and Valentino. To be honest, I struggle to wholeheartedly ship Valentino with anyone, given his ... everything, but he and Vox would make a fascinating villain couple. One is camp and sexy and does whatever he wants, and the other is a sleek businessman who's obsessed with projecting the perfect image. Opposites attract, I guess?
Seramilla - Sera and Carmilla. Shoutout to @seramilla for getting me interested in this! I can definitely see the appeal of two mother figures on opposite sides of the afterlife finding common ground in their protective nature.
Zestmilla - Carmilla and Zestial. This ship is kind-of "meh" for me, but it is intriguing that Carmilla and Zestial seem so close with each other. I wonder how that happened?
Alzy (platonic) - Mimzy and Alastor. The way Alastor talks to and about Mimzy, and even the way he smiles around her, is different to how he acts around everyone else. The fact that they were friends in life and this friendship has carried over into death is really fascinating to me.
RadioRose (platonic) - Alastor and Rosie. I like how Rosie highlights a different side to Alastor compared to Mimzy, given that Rosie also seems to have a scheming nature. She's like a work buddy to Alastor, except they have a shared interest in eating people.
Lucilith - Lucifer Morningstar and Lilith. I'd like to find out more about their marriage and what caused it to fall apart.
Baximi - Crymini and Baxter. Neither have appeared in the show (yet), but a furry character and a fishy character falling in love has a cool star-crossed-lovers vibe to me.
Helluva Boss Ships
Owling at the Moon (platonic) - Loona and Octavia. Sarcastic Chorus made a really interesting video about how they differ and what they have in common. They're from opposite sides of the track, but both have daddy issues (to put it mildly), so they both could use a friend who understands.
Fizzmodeus - Fizzarolli and Asmodeus. I think the fact that I already love Roger and Jessica Rabbit made me more willing to accept another pairing with a clown and a sex symbol!
M&M - Moxxie Knolastname and Millie. I'm a sucker for married couples who don't completely hate each other.
Sallie Mayday - Verosika Mayday and Sallie May. One is a celebrity, the other is a country girl. It's another opposites-attract concept that I enjoy.
Marberry - Mrs Mayberry and Martha. This feels like "enemies to lovers" taken to the extreme, but hey, I'm here for it!
Stolitz - Blitzø and Stolas. I'm not sure how I feel about them as a couple, but I do enjoy reading and watching other people's analyses of the ship and of each person's shortcomings.
Colleenie - Collin and Keenie. They're both angelic sheep who seem like they're meant to be parallels to Moxxie and Millie, which intrigues me. If only Keenie treated Collin better...
Characters I Don't Really Ship with Anyone
Hazbin Hotel: Adam, St Peter, Odette Carmine, Clara Carmine, Arackniss, Travis, Katie Killjoy, Tom Trench, the Egg Boiz, Fat Nuggets, KeeKee, Razzle, Dazzle
Helluva Boss: Cletus, Deerie, Stella, Andrealphus, Paimon, Joe, Lin, Cash Buckzo, Barbie Wire, Mrs Knolastname, Crimson Knolastname, Striker, Chazwick Thurman, Beelzebub, Vortex, Mammon, Robo-Fizz, Glitz, Glam, Arick "Burnie" Burnz, Wally Wackford, Loopty Goopty, Lyle Lipton, Agent Two, Agent One, Ralphie, Counselor Jimmy
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