#out that I don’t think I can ever go back to the source material because I will miss her too much

[pizzabookbuying]

side characters! Characters who appear in one episode! Featured extras! My babies!

[basicinstnct]

if ur taking requests, can we see what happened the time reader denied miguel and he begged? if ur not taking req you can just ignore this <3

word count: 1143

a/n: this got much longer than intended, i don’t think it necessitates explicit tags, but there is dubious consent. I suppose there are slight hints to events in the film as well, but honestly blink and you’ll miss it stuff. referenced fic here.

The date goes alright. The man in general is alright. Reasonably you know you should be satisfied with alright. It's not like you have much going on elsewhere. Except for the fact that you're fucking Spider-Man. One of them, at least.

You don't know much about Miguel other than that, and a couple of other things you've pieced together. Most things you didn't even learn from him. Corporate gossip is the source material for half of his portfolio. It's taken you months to get just those pieces, and you know you're not a girlfriend, but can you be blamed for wanting more?

He certainly expects more from you, you realize, when he shows up at your place an hour after you get home from being out.

“What a coincidence," you laugh. “I had a feeling you might show up, and here you are."

"You look nice," he sidesteps aggressively. It's unlike him to ignore anything resembling an attitude, but he does now. For what reason doesn't even seem important. All you can think is that you want this man out of your apartment, and maybe even your life.

“That's what he said." you reply, wincing at the brightness when you move to hang up your coat. The lights are set to activate when there's a human presence, but he must have hacked the system to turn them off, so he could sit in the dark like a lunatic. “He said, 'you look very nice,’ too. Except he had a lot more enthusiasm."

"So what? You pick him. That's it?"

"I'm not picking you. You aren't even an option.” The rage quietly taking over his features isn't like anything else when it's directed towards you. His brows begin to pinch, and when he opens his mouth you see hints of his fangs.

"Why not?" He starts to step into your bubble. You have less space to retreat before your back is against the way. You can’t see the rest of the room past his broad shoulders, and he’s got his neck craned down so he can see every cute expression you make.

"I know nothing about your past, or even much of your present, to be frank." You say the words monotone secretary style, still trying to have control. "I assume you're busy with things I can't even dream of, and I don't think you want me near any of that either. You have issues, and I don't need you to spill your guts, and we could go on about this forever. It won't be worth it, it's not even interesting.”

“I can make it more interesting." You can see that he intends to fuck you. To use sex to make the problem disappear.

"One for the road," you smile, because at this point why not. He's never been bad at this part, but you have leverage, and if it’s the last time you’ll see Miguel, you might as well blow it. “Sure,” you say, “if you beg me.”

You clench your things when you see him even consider it, and it gets worse when you hear him.

“Please,” he starts, teeth gritted, and you start to think about them in your flesh. “Please, let me fuck you. That’s what you wanna hear? I wanna fuck you. I wanna feel you come on my dick. That good enough for you, baby?”

“Sure, good enough,” you try to downplay, but you think you might want it more than he does.

He's faster to take you than a human man ever could be. You’re pinned to the floor, his fingers in your hair, one hand at your hip and the other at your neck. He just holds his hand there, flexes his fingers, so you can feel the threat of a squeeze. He stares you down. “Nothing like that,” when you cock your head, he doesn’t elaborate.

“Give me a kiss,” Miguel demands. He’s so shy about it that you fall for the bait. He doesn’t waste a minute before trying to shove his tongue in your mouth, like there’s no point in kissing you if he can’t, but the problem is he also drools, because he’s keeping his mouth just a little too wide so he doesn’t cut you with those teeth.

“Just fuck me,” you hiss between kisses, feeling like you’re drowning in him.

“Gonna be nice after being so mean, huh?”

“Maybe,” you groan, “if you stop talking.”

“You sure, baby,” he gives you one last out, “you want me to split you on my dick? Not my fingers first?”

“I don’t care. Do what you want.” You let yourself go limp in his hold, and he does as he threatened. You feel him remove your layers slowly, a small torture, but you’re fit to endure when it leads to the warmth of his hands. They grab you all over, your stomach, your tits and shoulders. Then they make their way down.

Miguel makes a pleased grunt when he finds you wet, and doesn’t waste any time. You feel his cock split you, something you can’t get used to. You used to try and fight it, writhe and squirm. It took you a couple times to realize you’re too weak. In Miguel’s hands all your strength needs nothing. Every time he’s pinned you against him, held you close while inching his cock inside.

He moves his hips till you can feel his balls on your clit, and then sighs. Relief, something you wish you could be granted. You’re whining, all because you can feel him throbbing in your guts, against your cervix.

“Listen to me next time,” he grumbles, sounding strangely fond of you.

Then the sympathy fades away, and he starts to move. He’s not gentle, he’s fucking you to prove something. He’s the only one who can give it to you like this. Who can make you lose your mind on a cock.

“This is what I wanted, fuck.” You can tell it affects him when you wrap your legs around him, dig your feet into his ass to push him in deeper. “Feel so good. Can’t stop clenching all over me, huh. Feels like you’re trying to milk me.” He huffs into your neck. “That it? You want my come, baby?”

He brings his hips down harder, so deep in you breathing feels difficult. You moan and agree to whatever he says, nodding without thinking. Making promises you can’t keep.

He tells you that your cunt’s the best, nobody else can take me this deep, and that’s why you can’t date other guys, need to keep this pussy mine. All while you look into his eyes with a blank stare, almost like you love him while he drills you.

“That’s why you’re gonna be good for me,” he says, “because if not, I’ll just remind you again, just like this.”

[anodymalion]

ok I am in fact using this as an excuse to make a long post about this thank you thank you asjksdjfaljdf

---

Interpreting Yuri as asexual is my very very favorite type of headcanon, which is one that 1. is compellingly coded in the source material (even if that wasn't the creator's intent), 2. is thematically relevant to what the piece of media is Trying To Do as a whole, and 3. just means a lot to me, personally, because I said so.

Coded in the source material

Yuri’s short program is “eros”, aka desire (you can interpret what “eros” means in various ways, but YOI itself explicitly refers to sexual love, at least in the English translations). Yuri struggles with this. Hard. He can’t come up with an answer when asked what eros means to him. His big revelatory moment about desire is that it’s how he feels about wanting to eat his favorite food (omg… boy). Even as the season goes on and the way he views the Eros program changes, the program doesn’t ever really embody the idea of eros as sexuality or romance (which was how the other characters expect him to interpret it) but rather as a desire to keep Victor in his life.

Like look. I’m obviously not going to say that the creator intended any kind of ace subtext to be there. I kind of doubt it was her intent. But goddamn is the subtext there.

2. Thematic relevance

The central theme throughout YOI is “love”, and especially loving people in a way that inspires you both to be your best selves: Yuri learning that the people in his life truly love and support him; Victor finding someone who makes him feel joy about skating again.

Like, Yuri’s whole skating theme for the Grand Prix is literally about him exploring what love looks like to him, even when it takes a form that other people don’t totally understand. Viewing all this through a lens of him being ace is really compelling. It adds depth to the idea of learning how to express the way you feel love even when it looks different than what other people expect. I think it’s a really delicious layer that adds even more nuance to what the show is getting at.

Besides, it’s an interesting way of viewing the criticism of the show that occurred for it not being 100% explicit about them being a couple (aka people getting mad because the kiss in ep 7 is blocked by Victor’s arm lmaooo). Like, ok, did you see the ending scene of ep 9? Did you see ep 10??? They definitely, definitely love each other, in whatever way that means for them. Their relationship takes a form that’s pretty different than the other way people in the show are going about romantic relationships, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t real for them. That is very much in line with the main themes of the show.

3. Means a lot to me

In the final scene of the penultimate episode, Yuri tells Victor that they should end their coaching relationship after the Grand Prix ends. This is because he thinks he’s holding Victor back, that Victor would be happier being free to go back to skating on his own instead of being Yuri’s coach. When I watched this (and, I’ll be honest, this is completely me projecting here) I REALLY interpreted this as an ace thing. I think it’s pretty easy to internalize the idea when you’re asexual that you just won’t be… enough, for other people. In my case I ended up a strong impulse to self-sabotage relationships because I would rather be the one to end things than to let someone else tell me that who I am as a person is fundamentally lacking. Yuri destroying a connection he desperately wants because he thinks there’s something about him that is holding Victor back from a life he’d be truly happy with? Oh yeah. I can fucking relate to that.

Also: YOI came out in 2016, which was the absolute peak of hostility to ace people I was seeing on this site. It was bad here. At the same time Tumblr was going wild over this show. Everyone was watching it. Seeing a whole site of people absolutely adore a character I very deeply in my heart believed to be ace? Extremely vindicating.

---

In conclusion Yuri is asexual because it is fun and interesting that way, and also because of this:

[magicshopaholic]

Another World

Summary: Jungkook finds himself going down a path he never intended - and his best friend might just be collateral damage.

Pairing: Jungkook x OC, Taehyung x OC

Genre: Angst

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 7.7 K

Warnings: none

A/N: Whew. This required some research. A disclaimer for any gaming fans out there: the kind of liberties I have taken with the video games described in this fic cannot be overstated. Think Troy butchering The Illiad source material (but with good plot anyway). Set over a period of a couple of months, starting a month after Los Angeles pt. 2)

Tagging: @bbl32 @ggukkieland @bangtannoonalvg @pb-n-juju @juciu @jeoncookie-bts @quarter-life-crisis2 @dreaming-with-happiness @meirkive  @faearchives @margopinkerton @sumzysworld @purpleseoul7 @kflixnet (italics cannot be tagged. If you want to be added to the taglist, drop a comment or ask)

Listen to: "layla" by eric clapton

taehyung masterlist | jungkook masterlist | main masterlist

Jungkook liked gaming. He liked how immersive it was, how fast it was, how much it required him to get into character and beat the bad guys. Most of all, Jungkook liked to win. Video games were winnable, for the most part. Whether it was rules, strategy or just plain speed, gaming was about beating the bad guys and winning the game.

It may have been due to this reason that all the games he owned and played broadly followed this narrative: hero, quests, bad guys, save the world, win. When he and Dilara moved away from FIFA and Real Racing (both extremely winnable games), this was how Jungkook had introduced her to his collection and invited her to play Mortal Kombat. 

Dilara hadn’t been super impressed, although she’d played without fuss. She was in London and he was in Seoul, the night beginning for her and for him, the dawn nearing. They played together, shooting, jumping, killing, running. Winning. She’d played with supreme focus (he could see her on the video at the bottom of the screen). Her eyes were trained on the screen, slight frown on her forehead that remind him ostensibly of Taehyung, her fingers moving rapidly on the console, not uttering a single word except at the beginning of the game: save the cheerleader, save the world.

Jungkook hadn’t got the reference, but she’d said it wryly, as though it was a joke only some people were meant to get. Still, she played with him and four hours later, when they were less than halfway done, she’d sat back in her chair and raised her arms over her head, stretching.

“Don’t get lazy,” he’d commanded, still in the zone. He’d tapped his headset. “We still have so many levels to complete.”

“JK,” she’d sighed. It must have been hot in London; her neck and chest were shining in the fluorescent light from the screen. She swept her long hair up into a bun and her tank top rode up slightly, suddenly revealing how tight it was.

Jungkook had looked away out of habit. It never did well to check out your friends’ girlfriends. 

“Don’t you need to sleep? Isn’t it morning for you?”

It was - but Jungkook had the day off. He told her as much but she told him she had to sleep. 

“In the middle of the game?” He was aghast. “How can you do that?”

She’d wrinkled her nose. “It’s not a cliffhanger. We can just pick it back up tomorrow. The next levels will be the same. Just shoot ‘em all.” She made a finger gun and pointed it at him before dropping her hand. “There’s no story. All the characters are just… graphic. There’s no emotion, no empathy, no… passion to save the world.”

He’d stared. “It’s saving the world. You need passion to do that?”

Dilara had chuckled tiredly. “Even guns and explosions can have a compelling story. Have you ever played Yakuza?”

Of course Jungkook had played Yakuza. It wasn’t bad, but it had been a lot of information to keep track of. Too many characters, too many plots. He’d played until he’d won, but only because it would’ve killed him not to.

“I have to be at the factory at eight am. I’m going to bed.” She’d pushed back her chair and stood up, and the screen filled for a moment with her chiselled torso, hips, and tan thighs from under her shorts. This time, it took Jungkook a moment longer to look away.

He’d bid her goodnight with a bit of half-hearted whining until she promised to resume play the next day. Once she’d logged off, Jungkook switched back to his screen and took a sip of his Americano, debating continuing without her anyway.

A moment later, he’d sighed and switched off the game, heading to bed.

—

The day Jungkook realised he wasn’t cut out for elaborate, story-telling games was the day he played A Way Out with Dilara.

She had told him about it in passing, mentioning that she’d also only played it once, years ago, before life had got in the way. Jungkook had been about to shut it down with glee right then but she’d seemed so mournful about never playing it again that he’d relented and bought the game, sending her an invite to login as well.

“It’s like I’m sixteen again,” she sniffed dramatically, making herself comfortable on her chair. The Red Bull logo on her oversized t-shirt came into full focus for a moment while she adjusted her camera, and Jungkook grinned in satisfaction.

“Well, you wouldn’t shut up about it so you basically forced me to buy it.”

“You know what? Even if that’s true, it’s going to be so worth it. This is the best game, JK,” she added, her face shining. “Emotional connections, moral conundrums, deep friendships…” She sighed and shook her head in wonder. “Just the best,” she repeated.

Jungkook raised his eyebrows at this display but said nothing. “Shall we start?” he asked.

“Yes. Okay, now, don’t worry about not getting the game initially,” she informed him. “I haven’t played it in forever either and I’m sure with the updates and everything, it’ll practically be a different game.

This, Jungkook supposed, was in response to a rather childish moment he’d had a couple of weeks prior where, amidst his inability to grasp the concept of the game, he’d sort of shrieked, yanked off his headphones and proceeded throw himself on the bed in the gaming room, face down for several minutes while Dilara called his name in irritation.

He scowled. “I’ll be fine. Will you?”

Dilara grinned sheepishly; she didn’t take well to losing either. “I’ll be okay. I’m Vince and you’re Leo?”

They commenced the game then. The story read more like a movie than a video game; Jungkook watched in awe as their characters, both in prison and holding a grudge against the same mobster, formed a begrudging alliance and escaped.

It was a gorgeous game; the screen, the special effects, the dialogue - he and Dilara read them out as quickly as possible, eager to move through the game.

“Oh, my God,” muttered Jungkook after a while, shaking his head slowly as Leo and Vincent, on the run from the law, made a campfire in the dead of night. “That’s why Vincent hates Harvey, too?”

“Harvey was an arsehole,” said Dilara with feeling. “There’s a reason Vincent wanted to partner with Leo, even if it meant he risked getting caught. There’s nothing like common hatred of a person to bring two people together.”

Jungkook stole a glance at her, which she caught. 

“What?” she asked, chuckling and looking a bit embarrassed. “That’s the fun of these games. You have to really get into it.”

He smiled without meaning to. “I get it. He killed Vincent’s brother. Vincent gets to hate him.”

“Shut up. Ooh, look, it’s Leo’s story now.” They started reading the dialogue boxes together, Jungkook reading them out in slightly accented English, when a sound cut through the soft soundtrack.

“Helicopter!” Dilara yells. “It’s the cops! Okay, go left!”

“No, I think it’s right!” The screen changed as both characters ran through the wilderness, the animated figures running faster than Jungkook could ever hope to. “Okay, we have to get into that house, I think.”

Their characters took shelter in a hut, evading the police, and looting the place for clothes, weapons and a truck.

“It’s a car chase!” Jungkook exclaimed. “You should drive!”

“You know it’s not a real truck, right?” she called out, but still manoeuvring Vincent into the driver’s seat. “Okay, let’s go! Seatbelt on!”

“I thought you said it wasn’t real!”

“I didn’t stutter, JK!”

Jungkook snorted before getting back into character, his heart racing; if the cops caught them, they were back in prison, meaning the game was over.

“Cliff!”

“Get out of the car! There’s a rowboat! And go from behind the trees!” she added as the sounds of the police’s gunshots got louder. They hopped into a conveniently placed rowboat by the banks of a thrashing river and began steering with their controllers.

“Is that a - is that a waterfall?”

“Jump!”

“What?” Jungkook’s eyes widened in a panic. “We don’t have life jackets!”

“It’s not a real river, JK!” Dilara yelled as she threw her character into the water, escaping a gunshot by a nanosecond. “Leo knows how to swim!”

Feeling his ears get hot, Jungkook obeyed and Leo jumped. The two characters somehow made it through the river and landed on the other side, the police finally no longer in sight.

“Whew.” Jungkook exhaled and takes off his headphones for a moment, shaking his hair out of his eyes. He put them back on to see Dilara grinning in the pop out screen.

“Great game, huh?”

“Holy shit. This is what you meant by emotional connection?” When she nodded, he shook his head. “Crazy. Oh, wait - Leo’s story.” He read the dialogue again, his own tone sounding more and more surprised. “Harvey betrayed Leo, too? What a jerk!”

“Villians,” was all Dilara said by way of explanation. “Oh, look! Aww…”

Jungkook followed an instruction to call home with a nearby telephone. “Leo has a wife and kid? What is this game?” he exclaimed. “This is like - like something that should be in the Oscars! Where are the machine guns and the aliens?” 

“I can see your eyes tearing up, Jeon, so don’t give me that.”

He didn’t even bother defending himself; he was more engrossed in this fully human story than he ever had been in a video game before. He glanced at Dilara again, his stomach settling comfortably when he realised he wasn’t alone.

It was a flurry of activity after that: purchasing arms, being betrayed by the arms dealer, getting in touch with a mysterious pilot from Vincent’s past who offered to fly them to Mexico to escape. The pilot also dropped another bombshell.

“Vincent has a kid?”

“Vincent is having a kid,” she corrected him. “Okay, we have an option to go to the hospital. We’re going, right? No way is Vincent abandoning his daughter before she’s even born.”

“He’s not abandoning - okay, sure,” he said quickly, catching Dilara’s surprisingly troubled expression. “It could be a trap, though.”

But Dilara ignored him, and both characters headed to the hospital. Warning bells instantly went on in Jungkook;s head, for he’d played enough video games to know what a calm spell looked like before they got attacked. But he followed Dilara until Vincent met his newborn baby girl, Julie.

“I’ve never made it this far in this game,” murmured Dilara, her voice wobbling slightly. Jungkook couldn’t help but feel like this was a slight overreaction over an animated baby, but something stopped him from commenting on it. 

“Gwaenchanha?” he ventured, but at that moment, a pop-up appeared on the screen, informing them that the police had surrounded the hospital.

“Told you!” Jungkook exclaimed, but his heart raced with excitement. What a game. 

“I’m not sorry!” she replied as they rushed out of the hospital. “I swear to God, JK, if you and Tae are ever running from the police and I’m in the hospital giving birth to his kid, you better make sure he’s there!”

“Er, sure thing,” he assured her, before changing the subject. “Okay, we have to split up.” With no indication either way, he went right while Vincent went left. He avoided the police as best he could while continuously keeping an eye on the split screen to see Dilara’s progress as well. 

She escaped; Jungkook breathed a sigh of relief and took his eyes off his own screen for a moment too long to see Dilara pump her fist in the air - long enough to get captured.

“Shit!” He’d lost the game - swallowing his disappointment, for Dilara hadn’t yet, he urged her to continue. “Go! Keep going!”

“I can’t,” she muttered determinedly, turning Vincent around and going back into the hospital with his gun loaded. “We’re in this together, mate - if you lose, we both lose.”

Despite the tension, Jungkook felt his stomach flip in excitement: he loved playing with Dilara. She was competitive, she took risks and she was good at gaming. It had been a long time since he’d met someone who matched this well with him online; it was no surprise that he constantly looked forward to their next session.

“Okay, hold still -” Dilara frowned in concentration, aiming her gun - only two bullets left - at the cop who had Leo in a headlock. Her thumb swiped over the controller ever so slightly and shot the cop straight in the head.

“You saved me!” Jungkook gasped, immediately spurring his character on and out of that damn hospital.

“Don’t sound so shocked,” she muttered, although she looked relieved as well, a grin flashing across her face.

They escaped after that, taking up the pilot’s offer to take them to Mexico, where they were ambushed by the mobster Harvey and his men. There was the old school gaming face-off: guns, fire, jumping off buildings and eliminating NPCs left and right.

“Oh, my God,” said Jungkook in surprise. “We did it. We killed Harvey.” He looked up hopefully at Dilara. “Is that it? Does that mean we win?”

“I don’t know…” The game told them that now that Harvey was dead, they could return to the US but the moment they did, they were surrounded by the police again. “Oh, no…”

“No! Come on!” Jungkook whined, frustrated now, but something was wrong. He frowned as one of the policemen, took the gem they had stolen from Harvey from Leo’s hand and handed it to Vincent… along with his gun.

“Oh, no…”

“Wait…” Jungkook frowned. “Why did the cop just -” He squinted at the screen to read the dialogue box, even though Dilara was reading it out loud. “Is - is Vincent a cop?” His eyes darted to Dilara’s picture in the pop-out. “Are you undercover?”

“Shit, I had no idea,” she murmured. “I told you I’d never reached this far in the game before.” 

His stomach churned. We’re in this together, she’d said. “I’m supposed to take you hostage now,” he stated, reading the instructions. Before she could shrug in acceptance, he subdued her and ran. It ensued in a chase again, but this time between Leo and Vincent, with Leo trying to run and Vincent trying to catch him.

It’s not real. Jungkook knew, he knew Dilara knew, and he knew the game was set up to be a certain way for the story. But it still stung, being betrayed, and before he knew it, he was being chased into a warehouse by Dilara, both of them injured and losing energy.

“Some game, Komyshan,” he muttered, sighing. He didn’t know how long they’d been playing; bonding over their shared hatred of Harvey felt like hours ago, as did each of them discovering they had kids. He chanced another look at Dilara on the pop–out and paused.

Her eyes were wet, tear tracks down her cheeks. He started, suddenly wondering if her sixteen-year-old self knew that she would have to betray her ally like this.

They climbed up the warehouse and onto the roof, both their energy packs beeping to indicate they were running out. There were their guns, bright and clear. This, Jungkook knew, was the end. One of them got the gun and shot the other, and the other died at the hands of a one-time ally.

She was still crying, even as her fingers flew over the buttons on the controller. Jungkook watched, as though in slow motion, as Vincent on screen dove for the gun and pointed it at Leo, shooting him, ending the game.

“What - what did you do?” Dilara frowned, looking taken aback. “You didn’t even go for your gun. Did - did you let me win?” she demanded, sounding horrified.

“No!” But didn’t he, though? Jungkook couldn’t tell. “I - I didn’t see the gun,” he explained weakly. He fell silent as the epilogue appeared on screen. 

“Vincent tells Linda about Leo’s death…” she read out, swallowing, “... and goes back to his wife and newborn daughter.” Dilara blinked rapidly.

“That’s a happy ending, right?” Jungkook murmured. “He didn’t have to abandon his daughter.”

Dilara was quiet for a moment. Then she chuckled softly, without humour, not looking away from the screen. “Jesus Christ, JK,” she sighed. “It’s not real. It's just a game.”

Jungkook nodded but it didn’t matter. He hadn’t seen Dilara ever break down in front of him like that, even though she’d held it together reasonably well. It stayed in his mind even as he went to bed at dawn, the image of her biting her lip while her eyes swam with tears at a fictional character leaving his wife and newborn at the hospital, and he privately came to a conclusion: he was not cut out for story-telling games. 

—

The worst loss Jungkook had ever faced in a video game was the night he invited Taehyung to play. 

He didn’t truthfully know what he’d been expecting when he’d invited the older member to join. All he remembered was that years before Dilara entered their lives, Taehyung had been the person who stayed up with him into the wee hours of the night when they were crippled with jet lag and played video games all night.

But it didn’t feel the same. Even the way the plan came to life felt… off. They were in a supermarket in Seoul, during a serendipitous week where their tour schedule and Dilara’s F1 calendar had somehow coincided to have all of them in the same location. A get-together had been planned which Hoseok had volunteered to host, with all seven members, Seokjin’s girlfriend Seulgi, Sooah, Chaeyoung and Dilara in attendance. All the members had been delegated by Namjoon, who seemed to be making a huge effort to gather everyone together, to bring different accompaniments for the night; in the gigantic mall, five out of seven members roamed around trying to fulfil their duties. 

Taehyung, Jungkook and Dilara had been dispatched to purchase liquor and mixers. On their way to the store, Taehyung bumped into a friend and, after fondly introducing Dilara as his girlfriend, encouraged her and Jungkook to go on without him.

“How are you balancing this thing?” Jungkook asked tightly, as he tried to keep the cart he was standing from bumping into any of the aisles.

“It’s called steering,” she said knowledgeably, her much smaller frame somehow managing to manoeuvre the cart with ease, almost as if she were riding a manual scooter.

“Race you to the end?” 

She grinned as they positioned their carts next to each other. “Remember, we buy what we break.”

“Good thing we can both afford it.” Jungkook winked at her, half-heartedly dodging her playful kick to his shin. “Ready?”

“Go!” 

They were careful to keep quiet and not attract attention, staying at the back of the store where they were the only customers. They stifled their giggles while trying to maintain their balance and simultaneously sabotage the other. 

“Careful, Lara,” he called to her as her cart wobbled slightly.

“Oi, you don’t get to call me that,” she admonished him, wincing and straightening her cart. “Something’s wrong with this cart, ugh…”

“Oh, yeah? Brake failure?” he taunted her. “You can’t blame everything on your engineers, you know?”

Dilara gasped as she turned her cart at the last minute to avoid hitting a standalone shelf of bottles. “How dare you, Jeon Jungkook. I’m going to kill -” She gasped again, out of his sight this time, followed by a soft oof! from someone else. Just as Jungkook spurred his cart on to make sure she hadn’t hurt herself, he heard the giggles - both of them.

“You’re not allowed to do that in here,” he heard Taehyung’s deep voice, and his heart sank unexpectedly. “You could be arrested for that, you know?”

Jungkook appeared just in time to see Taehyung tugging Dilara backwards to him, gripping both her wrists loosely in one hand. His head was tilted towards the side of her face while she smiled in a way that made Jungkook feel as though he’d walked in on something extremely private.

Fortunately, she caught sight of him and stepped away from Taehyung, albeit still staying close. “Alright, don’t we have stuff to buy?” she asked, changing the subject. “Who has the list?”

Jungkook and Taehyung both opened the group chat to check the list compiled in it, naming different liquors out of order. “Why don’t we split up?” Dilara suggested. “I’ll go to the wine section,” she volunteered, waving at both of them and disappearing behind the aisle, leaving both boys to scan the hard liquors.

“Whiskey, obviously,” stated Taehyung, picking up a bottle of Glen Fiddich and checking the price. “Probably the first bottle Hobi hyung will ever have in his house.”

Jungkook forced a chuckle. “True. I don’t think I’ll be able to stay long enough to see him at that stage of the night, though.”

“Oh, yeah? Got plans?” He raised his eyebrows mock-seriously. “Hot date tonight?”

Yeah, but it’s with your girlfriend. It was only a moment later when he looked up to see Taehyung frowning slightly at him that he realised he’d said the words out loud. “No, I just meant -” He let out another choked laugh, his heart jolting in panic. “We - well, she wanted to game tonight. We don’t have a schedule tomorrow, so…” He cleared his throat.

Taehyung paused for a moment, but then simply nodded. “I meant to ask you, Jungkook,” he said after a moment, now examining another bottle. “Is everything okay?”

“I - how do you mean?”

“I mean, like with you and me. Are you mad at me or something?”

Jungkook’s eyes widened. “N-no. Not at all. Why would you think that?”

Taehyung shrugged. “You’ve been a little short with me the last couple of days,” he remarked casually. “Did I do something?”

He shook his head, lost for words, for this was getting seriously out of hand. What was wrong with him? The tiredness from the tour was bound to catch up sometime but were his moods that erratic, that Taehyung could have  misinterpreted them for hostility?

“No, you didn’t,” he answered honestly. “I’m just tired, I swear,” he added, throwing an arm around Taehyung’s shoulders and squeezing them. “Sorry, hyung.”

Taehyung nodded, seemingly a little surprised at this reaction. “Oh, don’t worry about it. Get some sleep tonight, maybe.”

“We’re gaming tonight, though,” he answered apologetically. “You know, you should join us,” he suggested, still reeling in the mild panic that Taehyung might think he was angry with him. “We used to game all the time, before. It’s been ages since we’ve done that.”

Taehyung raised his eyebrows, a slow smile spreading across his face. “Are you sure? Wait, do I still need to let you win?”

Jungkook scoffed, hugely relieved. “Don’t worry, Dilara has beaten me more than once so losing isn’t as shocking as it was before.”

Taehyung grinned and was about to respond when Hoseok appeared out of nowhere, looking distinctly unamused.

“Wasting time, are we?” Before either of them could respond, he slapped Jungkook lightly on the shoulder. “You - go get the beer. And you - wine. Now. Now,” he repeated when Taehyung opened his mouth to argue.

They exchanged a meaningful look and went their separate ways, Jungkook straight towards the fridges with the beer. After filling an entire cart with multiple six packs of different brands, he looked around for the others, finally spotting Namjoon in the middle of the store, typing on his phone.

“Hey. Got what we need?” Namjoon asked when Jungkook joined him and peered into the cart. “This is just beer. What about the rest?”

“Hoseok hyung was with Taehyung and Dilara getting that stuff…”

Hoseok joined them then. “Take me with you,” he stated to Namjoon, looking mildly traumatised.

Namjoon frowned. “What are you talking about? Have you guys got everything?” All three of them turned to see Taehyung and Dilara by the wines, seemingly in a serious conversation. “What’s going on over there?”

Hoseok raised his eyebrows. “Well,” he began, “Taehyung is pretending to be a wine connoisseur giving a tour of his private winery to Dilara, a socialite who is trapped in a loveless marriage.”

Namjoon stared at him, evidently able to make neither head nor tail of this statement. “What?”

Hoseok nodded. “Yeah. Like I said, please take me with you.”

Namjoon responded, but Jungkook barely heard him; he watched Taehyung and Dilara, standing apart but still close together, their hands brushing and their gazes fixed on each other, apparently having forgotten that they were not alone. 

The party was supposed to start in three hours; they simply did not have time for this right now. “I’ll get them,” he volunteered, abandoning the older members with the cart of beer and striding over to the happy couple.

“Sorry, guys,” he muttered, stepping in between them, for that’s where the Pinot coincidentally was. “Namjoon hyung sent me - he’s getting really impatient.” He pretended not to notice Taehyung’s annoyed sigh or Dilara self-consciously fluffing out her hair.

Later that night, after a pleasant evening at Hoseok’s apartment, Jungkook settled into the gaming chair in his own, ready to play Trine. In light of Taehyung joining them, Jungkook put forward the one three-person game they had in their backlog, a medieval fantasy game with Zoya the Thief, Amadeus the Wizard, and Pontius the Knight, played by Dilara, Taehyung and Jungkook respectively.

Jungkook was determined to have this session go well. He wasn’t exactly sure why or what it was, but he felt as though he had something to prove to Taehyung, probably because he was the guest during their regular two-person gaming sessions.

Trine was different from A Way Out, mostly in the sense that while the latter was a human story of moral conflict and emotional connections, Trine was, in every sense of the word, a game. Three misfits having to free themselves of a magical curse, each with their own weapons and abilities - it was straightforward and promised to be fun. 

Dilara, in Jungkook’s opinion, was made to play Zoya the Thief. Zoya’s skill was archery and with her excellent hand-eye coordination, Dilara shot every single arrow exactly where she was aiming, her brow furrowed slightly in concentration. Jungkook and his character, Pontius the Knight, watched in awe, his sword dangling uselessly at his side - until something appeared out of nowhere and hit him in the head.

“What was that?” he demanded, his eyes darting across the screen and groaning when he saw that Pontius’s energy level had dipped. Without thinking, he slashed his sword through the air, the animated flame at the end of it rising but causing no damage.

“Pay attention!” Taehyung - or Amadeus - had evidently thrown some kind of object at Pontius. As Jungkook watched, Amadeus conjured up another similar looking object, while Taehyung grinned in the pop-out screen. Begrudgingly, Jungkook had to admit that even Taehyung was made to play Amadeus the Wizard - quick, witty and wearing ridiculous robes.

“Oi!” Dilara’s voice rang through his headphones. “You both know we’re all on the same side, right?”

Jungkook rolled his eyes as they continued through the game, entering a ruined castle.

“Okay, here goes.” Taehyung cleared his throat as a dialogue by Amadeus appeared on the screen, and proceeded to read the entire thing in a gruff, grandiose sort of voice that Jungkook supposed he considered a wizard’s. Through the dramatics, he could hear Dilara laughing at the voice and when he glanced at the pop-up screen, saw her looking at something to her side, and it occurred to him for the first time that Taehyung and Dilara were sitting in the same room.

The thought annoyed him more than he expected. This wasn’t how gaming was supposed to be done. Gaming was different timezones, dead of night, coffee runs and straining eyes - not sitting ten feet apart in the same bedroom and giggling at inside jokes. 

It didn’t get better as the night went on. The game went well; in fact, they were progressing at an alarming rate, finding objects, overcoming obstacles, gaining points and keeping their energy levels at an all-time high. All three of their characters seemingly worked well together, their powers in perfect tandem.

However, Jungkook was slowly starting to regret inviting Taehyung to play - not because he wasn’t good, but because it wasn’t right. There was a disturbance; he didn’t seem to understand Jungkook and Dilara’s normal trash talk, had a habit of making rather asinine observations in the graphics of the game that more often than not, ended up leading to a clue the other two had missed, and seemed to be more interested in the personality of all three characters than the actual quest.

Most frustratingly, Taehyung was beating the game - and the other players. He seemed to be able to come up with the most absurd solutions to problems - and all of them worked. During a play where they had to get at a clue that was sneakily tucked into the ceiling, Jungkook and Dilara were looking for ways to unlock a ladder that the game was offering them for a certain number of points. 

“Do you have enough energy to break through the wall with your arrows?” Jungkook urged her.

“I can try…” Dilara aimed and Zoya shot an arrow which simply bounced against the wall. “I don’t think that’s the way. And I’m running out of arrows. There has to be another way to break down that wall.”

“Okay, well, the ladder is behind it. Maybe we can blow it up?” 

“You’re the one with the flaming sword.”

“Maybe I can throw it at the wall or something… burn it down…” Jungkook searched the screen frantically, passing by Amadeus, who was using his power of conjuring to simply create cube-shaped objects. “Taehyung hyung? Some help?”

“Yeah, hang on just a sec…” Taehyung, seemingly ignoring their conundrum entirely, was now stacking the objects one above the other with a slight gap between the edges, levitating the ones at the top. “There,” he said, once they almost reached the ceiling. “Use those as steps and get to the top.”

Dilara gasped and Zoya immediately sprinted up the slanting tower of blocks, easily retrieving the clue from the ceiling. “It worked!” she exclaimed in wonder, the character jumping down gracefully. “My hero,” she said dramatically, looking out the side of her screen again, which Taehyung returned with a grin and a wink at her.

Jungkook poked his tongue into his cheek. “We have, like, seven more clues left,” he said stonily, but his words were drowned in the midst of their joking and laughing. This, right here, was the problem, he reflected: he, Jungkook, had the obvious goal, which was to collect the most points and win the damn game, whereas Taehyung’s primary objective seemed to be to make Dilara laugh, the game a mere secondary.

He wondered why Dilara wasn’t more annoyed, for she enjoyed winning just as much as he did. But she seemed equally excited at the prospect of a fellow player reading out the dialogues as though they were a script, inventing a voice for Zoya and changing her accent, getting immersed in the characters and the story along with Taehyung, with Jungkook having to remind them that time was running out.

“We’re going to lose,” he stated sullenly after a while, when it seemed unlikely that they would finish before their energy packs died. 

“Not necessarily,” pointed out Dilara, moving Zoya through an empty corridor to look for the last clue - the Trine.

“Found it,” said Taehyung casually, as though he had just found his sock and not the Trine that would allow them to win the entire game. “Let’s go?”

“Yes - oh, my God!” Jungkook ran down the castle, making sure Zoya and Amadeus were both following Pontius, his heart racing with the familiar anticipation of possibly winning the game.

“Ah, my controller is stuck.” Taehyung clicked his tongue as the animated Amadeus slowed down without Taehyung speeding him along. 

“What? Don’t you dare make us lose this, Tae!” Dilara threatened him, when they’d almost reached the final destination, where they could see the other two artifacts they must combine with the Trine.

“Wh - I can’t help this! Lara - catch!” Amadeus flung the Trine - the Trine - to Zoya, who lunged for it at the last moment, fumbled it and dropped it just as the timer ran out.

“No!” Jungkook dropped his controller and covered his mouth in horror. “No, no no!” He glared at the pop-out screen, vindicated to see Dilara glaring out the side of her screen before she stood up and disappeared from view, reappearing in Taehyung’s video.

“I’m going to kill you,” she muttered to Taehyung, who grabbed her hands to stop her from doing any damage. It was a few more seconds before Jungkook realised they had moved on from the momentary seriousness to mock-anger, until Taehyung tugged at their clasped hands playfully and she fell into his lap, giggling.

Jungkook watched, dumbfounded, until Taehyung, laughing, said into the speaker, “This was so much fun, really. I think I’ll head to bed now, though,” he added, as Dilara got off his lap and went to her own laptop, pulling on her headphones.

“Yeah?” Jungkook muttered. “No rematch?”

“We’ve been playing for three hours,” he remarked. “You want to play more?”

“I want to win. Dilara?” he asked hopefully. 

“Oh, I -” She bit her lip, apparently mulling. On the pop-out screen, Taehyung had already logged off. Jungkook stared at her, his stomach churning in premature disappointment as she looked at something off screen and visibly tried to hide a smile.

“Dilara?”

“Uh… I think I’m done for tonight, too. But let’s play Person 5 tomorrow, JK. Without Taehyung,” she added deliberately, Taehyung’s muffled protests audible in her background. “Had fun, though, love. Good night!”

Jungkook swallowed as the screen went dark. Had fun? Jungkook didn’t think he’d ever hear Dilara say that about a game she had lost, even though he had never seen her laugh this much while gaming before.

Still reeling from the loss, he went straight to his gaming menu and clicked on Real Racing. No characters, no story - just cars and speed. It was weird playing this game alone, but he needed this win right now. 

Anything to not feel like a loser.

—

Sometime in the summer of that year when the group was in New York, wrapping up the America leg of the tour before starting in Europe, Dilara Komyshan DNF-ed a race.

Partly due to jetlag and partly due to the fact that it was pouring outside, almost all the members were in the suite where the race was being aired. Only Yoongi and Jimin weren’t there, the former because he was working and the latter because he was in the gym.

Jungkook had declined Jimin’s offer to work out together; he was tired, and there was the race. He would work out later, for sure. The rest of the members lounged about, doing various activities while the race played at low volume. It was beyond exciting, real-life cars going at a speed of three hundred kilometres an hour between the gorgeous mountains of Mugello, Italy.

Jungkook wished he were there; Italy had been one of his favourite countries to visit during the Red Bull collaboration last year. The views were incredible, the weather was summery, the air was pristine and the house they’d lived in had been so beautiful and rustic, with enough space outside for him and Dilara to work out together while she went through her extended break-up with Taehyung.

Jungkook sneaked a glance at the aforementioned member. Taehyung didn’t look like he was thinking about Italy last year at all; his gaze was fixed on the screen, biting his lip and tensing up every time Dilara’s car was shown on screen, as though he expected her to crash any second. 

Therefore, when her car did touch another car and they both spun out, Jungkook flinched and Taehyung was on his feet instantly, eyes wide at the screen. It didn’t seem like a violent crash, but he stayed standing, the veins in his neck popping as he stared until Dilara climbed out of the car and took off her helmet.

“Oh, thank God,” he muttered, sighing hugely in relief and sitting back down, dropping his head in hands.

Jungkook frowned; of course he was glad Dilara was okay, but she was also disappointed, for sure. She had effectively lost the race - didn’t Taehyung care about that?

The rest of the race went by with far less interest from anyone in the suite, Dilara appearing briefly in the garage, having changed into jeans and a team t-shirt. From the sounds of it, the commentators seemed to agree that it was a “racing incident”, though caused by Dilara who had apparently attempted a very ambitious overtake that had gotten away from her. 

Taehyung’s face was unreadable; he was flitting between looking at the screen and constantly checking his phone, most likely waiting for a text from Dilara. The race ended and the winners were celebrated, followed by post-race interviews where Dilara was asked about nothing but the crash.

“I did speak to Carlos as soon as we were out of the car,,” she said, nodding. looking a bit cornered with several mics being shoved at her. “We’ve sorted that out. It’s definitely really unfortunate about both our races; it wasn’t the intention and I wish we’d been able to continue, but at the same time…” She shrugged. “It was a gap, you know? What kind of a driver would I be if I didn’t take the opportunity?”

“Even if it was at the cost of a fellow driver?” asked a faceless journalist off screen.

“No - of course not.” Dilara frowned and shook her head. “Like I said, Carlos and I talked about it and I’m - I’m very sorry, obviously. But I tried to go for the gap and he tried to block it - we would’ve both done the same thing if the roles were reversed, I’m sure.” But she looked visibly rattled. The interview ended then and Lewis Hamilton appeared on screen for his interview.

Jungkook reached for his phone and typed out a text.

Jungkook [11:15] I saw the race. I’m sorry. Let me know if you want to get your mind off it. We can play anything you want :)

It didn’t take long for her response to arrive. Jungkook waited, recalling how this had genuinely helped her get over a bad race earlier in the year.

Dilara [11:20] Thanks, JK. Just don’t feel like it today though. Sorry.

As Jungkook read her message, once, twice, thrice, trying to process this and not feel disappointed, Taehyung’s phone buzzed on his lap.

He answered it immediately, jumping to his feet. “Hey,” he said softly, as he walked away towards the rooms. Jungkook stared after him as he nodded at the conversation, his voice growing quieter as he left the group, eventually going into his bedroom and closing the door behind him.

A couple of hours later, after Jungkook had dragged himself to the gym and worked out harder than his body was technically allowing him, he sat at his laptop with a coffee, knowing he had only a little while before it was night in Austria.

Jungkook [14:40] Last chance? We can play Life Is Strange. Seeing me play a teenage girl might make you feel better. I’ll do the voice too.

Dilara [14:44] Haha. That might. Will have to take a raincheck though. Sorry.

Jungkook [14:45] No problem. Let me know if you want to talk or anything.

Dilara [14:46] I will. Thanks, JK. You’re a good friend. The best actually. 

The message stayed in Jungkook’s mind the rest of the day, through rehearsal, soundcheck and the concert. The best. The best. He was her best friend. He’d cheered her up on a bad day, even if it was only on text, even if it was only for a moment.

Later that night, once everyone else was asleep but for some reason, he was still awake, Jungkook checked his phone. He didn’t know what he was expecting to find; it was the crack of dawn in Italy and almost the next night in Korea. The only people he knew were in remotely the same timezone as him were on this very floor of the hotel.

He turned to Jimin with whom he was sharing a room. After a long and borderline nauseating conversation with Sooah that Jungkook had accidentally walked in on, Jimin had finally gone to sleep and was now dead to the world. Jungkook reached for his laptop and opened it to Life Is Strange, connecting his headphones before the sound could disturb Jimin.

As it turned out, it was a good thing Dilara had declined taking part in this game for it didn’t seem to have a multi-player option at all. The single player was to assume the character of Max, a photography student in Arcadia Bay with the power to turn back time. It was the most cerebral game Jungkook had ever played; it was difficult, required concentration that was in short supply for Jungkook right now, and he found himself missing having a partner to solve the puzzles and quests with.

But Jungkook was a solo player, as was Max. He started feeling a kind of kinship with Max, who also seemed to be surrounded by people in her hometown and yet, played alone. The game began with Max experiencing a vision of a tornado during class that destroyed the town, following which, while stepping out to calm down, she witnessed a fellow student shoot another in the head and kill her.

Jungkook flinched at the gunshot, the sudden sound startling him, when he discovered Max’s new ability to rewind time. Upon going back in time to before the student - Nathan - shot the girl, Max saved her, a girl who was apparently Max’s childhood friend Chloe, now her partner in solving a series of mysterious deaths in the town of Arcadia Bay.

Jungkook imagined Dilara reading Chloe’s dialogue, even though Chloe wasn’t a player. Chloe had a very similar vibe to Dilara, he felt; they looked nothing alike, but there was a determination of a kind that Dilara had. Chloe was sensitive, asking for Max’s help to find out what happened to her missing friend Rachel, brave in her desire to fight the bad guys not afraid to cry when they discovered that Rachel was dead.

Jungkook sniffed but powered through; this was exactly the kind of game Dilara liked, with characters and story and human relationships and connections on screen. He got it now, now that it was Max and Chloe against the world. Best friends. He watched, played, went through every motion to keep them together, including going back in time to save Chloe’s father from dying in a car crash. When that alternate reality meant that Chloe was instead injured in the crash and paralyzed from the waist down, Jungkook didn’t hesitate: he went back in time once again, letting her father die and saving Chloe once again.

It was almost dawn when the game was coming to an end. Jungkook could tell the end was nearing because the timeline was meant to span less than a week, but he couldn’t tell where it was going. He frowned as the game took him, Max, to San Francisco for the opportunity to display her photo at an art gallery. It almost felt as though the game was getting away from him, for why had the story moved so far away from Arcadia Bay and from Chloe?

Max calls Chloe.

Jungkook read the dialogue, his heart skipping a beat, for here it was: the tornado, the one that Max had had a vision of hours ago at the beginning of the game, was here in Arcadia Bay, threatening to destroy everything and everyone. 

The game took Max back to the moment she took the gallery photo and Jungkook swallowed, the lump in his throat painful as he and Max descended into a pit of alternate realities that existed as a result of them messing with time, only to come to the heartbreaking conclusion that it all began because Max had saved Chloe from being shot.

“No,” whispered Jungkook out loud, his voice breaking. This was why he hated story-telling games, he thought angrily, biting his lip and feeling his eyes fill up anyway. What was the point? You got attached to a character, to her best friend, to her family, and just when you thought you were making it, it imploded and forced you to choose between two equally important things, between freedom and the ally you made in prison, or between your best friend and your integrity.

What was he supposed to do now? Let the town be destroyed to save Chloe, a character who wasn’t even a player? That definitely wasn’t how the game was designed; he couldn’t imagine the programmers would consider that a win. No, if he had to win the game, he had to save the world. Save the cheerleader, save the world, Dilara had said, months ago. It always came down to saving the world.

Jungkook followed the instructions, his vision blurring as Max went back to Arcadia Bay while the storm approached, reuniting with Chloe when the moment of truth arrived. Jungkook’s finger hovered over the button on the controller, his face screwed up as he clicked on the option in the dialogue box.

He watched motionlessly as the animation exploded, the storm rolling in and destroying Arcadia Bay, the entire town razed to the ground. As the camera panned around the devastation, Jungkook swallowed the lump in his throat and let the tears stream silently down his face as Chloe appeared amidst the ruins, alive and relieved. She and Max clasped hands and left Arcadia Bay together, leaving the wreckage behind them.

—

Thanks for reading. Don’t forget to leave a review :)

[disco-tea]

Ya know. I’ve been thinking about Dracula lately. The divide between the romanticized film Dracula and the actual book Dracula. About the way that it’s portrayed in film. And I’ll be honest, for me, I think the big issue about it isn’t even the romanticizing and sympathizing of the vampire/vampirism. Because that can be interesting. That can be fun. It’s the “you were once human and now you are a monster” of it all. It’s not the vampirism, it’s the CHARACTER of Dracula himself. It’s the fact that they took the most rancid creepy manipulative unappealing dude and tried to turn him into a romantic interest with almost NO BASIS FOR IT IN THE SOURCE MATERIAL. That they romanticized him creeping on women and hanging around outside their bedroom window and stalking them and crap. It’s not the vampirism. Because if Jonathan did come out of this as a vampire or a semi-vampire? Heck yeah you go you funky little monster dude. I wanna hear all about it. The trauma. The grappling with it all. The darkness. The “you were once human and now you have come out of the ordeal forever changed” of it all.

But that’s not what gets the attention in the adaptations. So many of these characters/relationships simply don’t get any attention or are written out in favor of trying to focus on Dracula. So many adaptations gloss over Jonathan in every way. Gloss over his true and deep love for Mina and hers for him. They gloss over what happens to Jonathan and how it is with Jonathan that we see the horrors that establish Dracula as a character. And I think there’s a reason for that.

I’m not going to pretend to know everything about every Dracula adaptation ever, but I have seen enough and know enough from cultural osmosis to know that the image of Dracula outside a girl's bedroom window—or in a girl's bedroom—using the thrall on her is more widely known than the image of Dracula terrorizing Jonathan. Or Dracula terrorizing the crew of the Demeter, even though it is genuinely terrifying.

And gee, I wonder why that is? Why is it that a creepy dude stalking girls and using his powers to take away her choice/autonomy is more widely romanticized and sexualized by filmmakers vs the character who loves his wife dearly and would do anything to get back to her?

Why is it that Dracula’s victims, be it Lucy or Mina, are always sexualized in regard to him in a way they weren’t in the source material?

I don’t know if this is making sense, but if it is, I think it’s something to think about and consider. To consider why the story of Count Dracula, creeping on women and using his powers in a way that is pretty much a rapists fantasy, is told again and again and blatantly romanticized by filmmakers while Jonathan with his genuine love and respect for the women in his life is thrown to the wayside.

[noforkingclue]

Patching Up (River Cartwright x reader)

Summary: the last thing you were expecting was a beaten up Cartwright to turn up on your doorstep in the middle of the night. But here he was and you had no other choice but to patch him up and to talk

Everything tag list: @greenrevolutionary, @byebyebreezywrites spngingerbread21,  @layazul,  @lov3vivian, @simonsbluee

You groaned softly and turned over in bed, pulling the covers over your head. When you heard your buzzer ring again you knew it wasn’t just some cruel dream. Glancing at your phone you were temporarily blinded by its screen and cursed when you saw it was two in the morning.

Whoever was at your door was going to pay.

Unless it was Lamb in which case you would have to wake up pretty quickly.

“Yes?” you said sleepily as you answered your intercom, silently hoping that it was a prank

“L/n?”

“Cartwright?” you could feel the exhaustion being replaced by anger, “what the fuck do you want?”

“Can I come up?”

“No. Now piss off.”

“Wait! Please, L/n. I… just please.”

You bit your lip as you contemplated what to do next. In your six months at Slough House you didn’t have too much to do with the infamous River Cartwright. Maybe it was because nothing had ever really happened when you had joined. You had heard about their previous ‘adventures’. Roddy in particular was keen to big up his role in them. Lamb had commented that now you had joined everything would go back to the way things should be. His joes back luck charm, if things were to continue how they should.

“Fine,” you said eventually, “but you fucking owe me one.”

You pressed the buzzer to let him in and waited for Cartwright by your open door. You pulled your dressing gown tightly around you and hoped that your angry expression would mask any sort of curiosity. That didn’t last long when you saw Cartwright slowly come up the stairs.

“Fucking hell River,” you said as you ushered him into your flat, “what the fuck happened to you?”

“Guess.”

“Either The Dogs or Lamb.”

“The first one.”

“Fuck.”

Any form of potential violence against him had disappeared at the sight of his bruised and bloodied face. He gave you a small smile and quickly winced as you, gently, pushed him into your kitchen. Once you were sure that your flat was safely locked up (how safe it would be if The Dogs came to get you, you didn’t know) you turned your attention back to your patient.

“I have questions.” you said

“Not surprised.”

“Firstly, what did you do to piss off Duffy this time? Or was it just your general existence that annoyed him.”

River grunted in response so you assumed the latter. You grabbed an ice pack from your freezer and wrapped it in a towel.

“For your black eye,” you said, “hold this against it for about ten or twenty minutes. Should reduce the swelling.”

“I know how to deal with a black eye.”

“Why doesn’t that surprise me? Now, my other questions.”

“Do we have to do this now?”

“Yes,” you grabbed a bowl of warm water and some paper towels, “out of everyone in Slough House, why me? Like I understand not Lamb or Roddy. But you’ve known Lousia and Catherine for longer than me. Marcus, well, I’m sure he’d patch you up but I doubt his wife and kids would appreciate a bloodied spook turning up on their doorstep. As for Shirley…”

You trailed off and shrugged.

“I’d say 50-50 on whether she’d help or just laugh.”

“Thanks.” River said dryly

“You’re welcome.”

River hissed slightly when you wiped at his nose a little harsher than necessary. You gave him a pointed look as you leant against your kitchen table. You tilted his head back and said,

“I don’t think your nose is broken.”

“It’s not.”

“And you should know.”

“Repeating a ‘joke’ from earlier. Running out of material?”

“Not when you’re right in front of me. You provide me with an endless source.”

You frowned when you saw him holding his ribs.

“And your ribs? Are they broken?”

“Don’t think so.”

“You should probably get that checked out.”

River let out a grunt of acknowledgement and you rolled your eyes. That was River for ‘I know you’re right but I’m not going to do that’.

“You still haven’t answered my question.” you said as you continued to clear him up

“Which was?”

“Why did you come to me?”

River bit his lip and looked away. You grimaced when you saw that expression and you knew that getting River to answer that question was going to be a struggle. You tossed a bloodied tissue into the bowl of now pinkish water and sighed.

“Well it’s late,” you said, “so you can crash here tonight. Your shirt is going to need to be chucked in the wash to get the blood out. Sooner rather than later so the blood doesn’t set in but I guess you knew that already.”

You were expecting some quip about you wanting to see him shirtless but none came. You pursed your lips and started to move away when River’s hand shot out and grabbed your wrist. He wasn’t looking at you and he absentmindedly rubbed circles against it.

“I came to you,” he said slowly, “because I trust you.”

Trust.

Trust in your line of work was a dangerous word. You couldn’t help but be surprised at this admission. Trust was something that could be exploited by the wrong people. You weren’t expecting this admission of weakness from River.

“You trust me.”

River glanced up at you and gave you a small smile.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Well, it’s a good thing that I… trust you too. I’ll grab a spare pillow and blanket and you can have the sofa.”

You had almost left the room when River called,

“Oh, and y/n-”

You could practically hear the smirk in his voice and you called back,

“Say what I think you’re going to say and I’ll kick you out!”

[gffa]

Everyone has my absolute sympathy for trying to sort this stuff out, because there is so much source material to sort through and so much of a game of Telephone being played (ie, one person says something they believe to be true, the next person picks it up as hard fact and repeats it as such, then the next person also believes it but adding a bit of their own assumptions to what the previous posts said, on and on until we get to where we are now in fandom) that it can be hard to sort it all out. My best advice is to just start paying attention to sources on things--like when someone posts a quote from Wild Space, I automatically think, okay, that's in the Legends continuity, because I've looked up which books are in which continuity enough to know that.  Once you start doing that often enough, you start naturally understanding what comes from what continuity. Like, for a specific example--the idea of Jedi aging out at 13, when someone posts about that, where does that come from?  It's always sourced back to the Jedi Apprentice books, so, okay, that's a Legends thing!  Can you think of any time that came up in the movies or in TCW?  If not, then it's not Lucas' continuity and it never happened there.  In fact, The Clone Wars (Ahsoka's 14 in the movie and said to be on the young side for being a Padawan) + Disney (the Dooku: Jedi Lost audiodrama has a 16 year old Initiate who will have to wait another year before trying to be a Padawan again) both show that's not part of those continuities. That's pretty much it, I just constantly go after the source, figure out where something is from, and if I can't find a source, it's probably Legends or fanon.  (Which is no shade!  People should do what they want!  But I do like knowing what's fanon and what's not.) For the Jedi stuff, I can definitely help you out--I have a Jedi reference project, which is a collection of citations from Lucas continuity + Disney continuity (if it's quoted from Lucas, the movies, or TCW s1-s6, then it's Lucas continuity, everything else is Disney on that list) and Part II has an intro section that lists the different continuities as I see them. But I would say the primary differences between Lucas/Disney and Legends Jedi are: (None of these are value judgements!  I have read so many good fics that mix and match all of these things and I hope people continue to do what makes them happy, re: what goes in which continuity!) - Aging out does not seem to exist, the AgriCorps do not exist in the same fashion if they exist in Disney canon. - While Bant and Siri have been recanonized, Garen and Reeft do not exist in Disney canon, nor does Feemor or Komari.  Rael Averross is Dooku's other Padawan in Disney continuity, he does not exist in Legends. - Male Cereans are not endangered, Ki-Adi-Mundi is not married in Lucas or Disney canon. - The post-ROTJ world is massively, massively different, like Luke married Mara Jade and they had a son, Ben Skywalker, Han and Leia had three children (Jacen & Jaina the twins, Anakin their youngest son), Luke trains more Jedi as adults, while in Lucas' views and in Disney, he trains younger students. - The clones are not Mandalorian, in Lucas canon and Disney canon, they consider Kamino their home and they've never spoken any Mando'a.  Honestly,  I'm not sure any Mando'a has ever been spoken in any of Disney's stuff?  (Also, Mando'a was heavily linked with Karen Traviss' writing and, given that she's a Trump supporter and anti-BLM irl, some people really don't want to touch her stuff.) - The Jedi meditation mantra of "there is no emotion, there is peace" is purely a supplementary canon thing, it started in an '80s roleplaying book for the OT, then made its way to PT Legends stuff, and is referenced in Disney's continuity, but it does not exist in Lucas' continuity at all.  Also the "emotion yet peace" version is a prequels era thing, a lot of people will say it's an "older version" of the Jedi Code, but the only time we see it is during the Clone Wars (from the Kanan comics' flashbacks). - Grey Jedi do not exist in Lucas Canon or Disney canon.  I’m not sure if they’re around in some form in Legends (a lot of wild stuff happened in Legends), but they seem to be actively impossible to have in these canons, given the story group’s commentary about how you cannot use the dark side without consequences.  You can’t be a Jedi and use the dark side, pretty much. Oh, no, I'm kind of stuttering to a stop on trying to think of more major differences between the continuities, because honestly I'm better at answering direct questions than trying to come up with something.  (And even then, if I can't write a 25k essay, I feel bad, like, "Is this enough??  Or am I FAILING  here??" because sometimes Star Wars just Does Not Give Us Answers.  orz)

[muqingapologist]

Can I ask your top 10 fav fics ever (from any fandom, if you don't mind)?

Also, just curious, is there a story behind your name "muqingapologist "?

i go through phases with fanfiction, wavering between never reading any and then reading it consistently over a period of time. so my ao3 account only has bookmarks from the last year or so, so i’ll just include those! i did read some reeeally good fics for pairings that i was really into in the past, but i won’t include them here

as for my username, i used to have the apologist format with another character for my finsta, and i because obsessed over mu qing in my recent read through of tgcf. so i’ll defend him from the haters heh.

ok fics. no particular order.

1. Resurrection by heyholmesletsgo

one thing about me is that im going to eat up every songxiao fix-it fic i come across. this one i think follows the logic of the untamed rather than just mdzs, but i don’t think it’s a big change either way. this fic is so beautiful i thought about it for weeks afterward. it’s pretty short, but the slow, gentle pining as xiao xingchen returns to the world, the way they figure out communication, it’s all so good.

2. some new beginning by liesmyth

i got into good omens after season 2 being released this past summer, and i have to say the fics have been very hit or miss for me. the characterizations in fics are always some strange combination of characterizations of season 2 crowley and season 1 crowley and book crowley. this is post-season 1 though so this isn’t really an issue. i loved this one. i think my favorite form of aziracrow is when they’re both just idiots following the momentum of their feelings without really realizing the significance of their actions until, well, they live together hahah. highly recommend this one for that dynamic! it’s also pretty short.

3. Protagonist Rehabilitation Programme by cinnamonsnaps

this one i actually read entirely on my flight from japan last week after randomly stumbling across it. it’s an SVSSS AU where the original luo binghe transmigrates(?) into shen yuan’s world. im not usually a fan of AU fiction because i think much of the time, the events of the source material are very much what shape the personalities of the characters, but this one works for me. it’s so good at matching the tone and writing style of mxtx while being funny in its own way too.

4. hometown comforts by nyoomerr

this is another bingqiu one, post-canon, and it’s an identity reveal. it’s my ideal identity reveal fic because it’s incredibly low stakes and binghe is just curious about shen yuan’s world. no system warnings and stuff. just bonding. im a simple gal.

5. still waters by marichen

went through a beefleaf phase where i read a bunch of fics. this was the best one by far. unmatched. beefleaf, imo, is a very difficult couple to write for. there’s so much to unpack. it’s hard to make their relationship feel genuine because so much care needs to go into shi qingxuan trusting he xuan again. in this fic, it is the classic he xuan lingering around, but also we see sqx building his own life back up on his own, as well. it’s he xuan pov. so good so good.

6. Bring it back, bring it back [don’t take it away from me] by wednesdaisy

another good omens fic, also post-season 1, aziraphale pov. in this one, crowley fucks off to new zealand because he thinks his relationship with aziraphale is fantasy and it’s too painful to keep seeing him after everything they’ve been through. and aziraphale tracks him down and has to convince crowley that he does indeed want him in his life and loves him and ah, it’s really sweet.

7. the round moon by orphan_account and the hazy sun by orphan_account

this is a 2 part quanyin fic (pre-canon qyz for part 1, post-canon yin yu pov for part 2). i’m also incredibly picky about quanyin fics. this one was so beautifully done. it didn’t make quan yizhen feel overly-childish as an adult like many others do, and it made yin yu’s conflicting feelings about him so vivid and believable. highly recommend for quanyin nation out there.

8. This Is Me Trying by Piper_Emerald

another post-canon identity reveal. this one is a little more angsty than the one above but also so well done! a deep part of me needs an identity reveal to happen for them at some point hahaha…like binghe is smart ok…he suspects already.

9. some good mistakes by Lise

everyone forgive me for not really having any wangxian recs. my post-untamed fic phase was on my old ao3 account i can’t find. anyway, i remember this one being really good. wei wuxian goes missing. jiang cheng pov, teaming up with lan zhan to find wwx. post-canon untamed. personal preference but i love post-canon untamed wangxian fics the most because i just reading about all the ways they might get together.

10. Not Easily Conquered by dropdeaddream, WhatAreFears

(i keep getting error when i post the link but it’s on ao3)

i’m including this one because i’d be lying if it wasn’t always in my top 10. i never think about stevebucky these days and cannot stand marvel, but damn this fic holds up like 8 years later!! 3-parter, AU where steve never gets frozen but bucky is still the winter soldier. told over decades. some cringe US cold war propaganda but ignoring that…a beautiful story. if you ever carried any attachment for these two, worth the read.

so that’s my very inaccurate too 10 fics. thank you for asking so i have an excuse to discuss hahaha.

[impishtubist]

I’m in my early 20s (please don’t ask me about TikTok though, I don’t know what’s going on there and I’m too afraid to ask now), and I know some of the fans around my age are here because we grew up reading the books and watching the movies, we’re just old enough to have been around when the movies were kind of at their peak. So, that’s why some of the younger fans are here

Related to this, I think the ones who don’t interact with canon are born of “death to the author,” because I think that had you said pre-2017 all your knowledge came from fanon, you would have been laughed at. But now, we have an influx of fic from quarantine, people who will not read anything from the author due to her atrocious beliefs but also won’t simply read the wiki to get summaries, and a focus on creating “new” ships to distinguish themselves from old fans which circulates until we get the same iterations of people who are essentially OCs. E.g., will I ever shut up about how all these people somehow ignore that the only canon thing we know of Evan Rosier is that this man was loyal to Voldemort to the death and chose to go out fighting rather than surrender? No because the fanon version of him acts like he was forced into this via his parents when we have no indication of this and canon supports more that he was more like Bellatrix—who tortured two people and practically orphaned their son when Voldemort fell and blatantly proclaimed that she and the others would be rewarded when Voldemort returned rather than denying her loyalty to stay out of prison—than say, Regulus—who backed out when he realized what Voldemort was like.

Yeah, I've heard people say that they won't read the source material because of the author, which is all fine and good, but then..........again, why are you here? ('You' in general, not 'you' as in OP). There are so many other pieces of media you could get into where you can read the source material because the author isn't terrible, like ???? If you're that against canon, I don't see a point in being here at all. You're just turning the characters into OCs and stripping them of everything that makes them interesting. Leave the fandom to people who unfortunately got sucked in before the TERFness was revealed 😂 Also, if you're going to create fan content anyway, it seems weird that the line you'll draw is not reading the books. You can just pirate those? And not give her money?

But yeah go off about Evan, we stan 😂

[spectralsleuth]

Now that we're entering into 2024, I'm asking some artists and writers that I follow:

1) What is the one piece you're most proud of from this past year?

2) What are some pieces that you would have liked more people to see? If you can include links, I'd love to go check them out!

3) What were your top three favorite pieces (art, comics, fics, etc) that someone else has made this past year?

(As always, no pressure to respond! Feel free to just ignore, or let me know if you'd rather I not send you these kinds of asks in the future.)

This is such a sweet and fun ask!! Thanks so much! I enjoyed seeing other authors answering this it’s so hype to get it myself.

1. This is hard to answer, because this year I tried to do something different with every fic I posted. When I got a concept I very pointedly didn’t shy away from it because it seemed difficult, or I thought I might be bad at it, so there’s something that makes me proud with each one. IF I HAD TO CHOOSE THOUGH I’m going to cheat and pick two.

What it Will Be I’m proud of this because it fell out of me SO EASY. I felt like the process of writing it was a testament to how hard I’ve been working at improving all year, and it came together very quickly and very well. I’m also proud because I incorporated @heckitall ‘s comic page to base it off of, and I’d never tried writing fic for a visual media like that. It was super fun!

On the OTHER end of the spectrum is Case of the Hidden City vs Lou Jitsu because it is VERY technically and narratively complicated and is by far the most ambitious thing I’ve ever written. It’s very hard, but I am VERY proud because I haven’t QUIT it. It’s not complete yet, but it is a good amount of the way there and I’m excited to finish it. Probably once I’ve recovered from surgery lol.

2. This sounds insincere maybe, but I really am happy with the engagement I get on my fic. I really do write my fic for me, and while I love to make sure as many people who want to read it can find it, at the end of the day I don’t like assigning people homework! I went through my whole works list and scratched my head and really tried to think of there was anything I wanted to plug, and I don’t think there is!

I guess I’ll post my lowest viewed, my Swanatello fic! @tangledinink ‘s AU I’m sure everyone’s familiar with lol. I knew that one would be lower when I posted it, if only because it has prior required reading (Swanatello). But I wrote it mainly because the AU was starting to reach a critical point and I REALLY wanted to write fanfiction of how I fantasized an ending might be, so I could go back and read it for comfort. I love Odette and the lore Kayson made for his AU, so I’ll plug this only because I think some people may have missed it!

3. Three works!! JUST THREE?? AUGH.

little kid with a big death wish

By @remedyturtles ! This made me leak tears the whole way through, so huge CW’s obviously. Not only was it one of the best fics I’ve ever read, but I got the privilege of seeing how talented Rem is behind the scenes a little and saw how they write and work and I really want to emulate them going forward. One of many all timer fics for me, for sure, I’d love to read any original fiction they put out.

The Whispering Forest and Other Tales

By @sroloc--elbisivni and @kithnkin ! I love love LOVE the feudal Japan fusion, the research, and the perfect blend of Usagi Yojimbo’s universe with what the Riseverse would have been like in this era. Even the little segues into what they’re wearing and eating is endlessly fascinating to me. Every single character is written to be the best and most interesting version of that character I could imagine. Theres Leosagi, there’s a PB&J murder mystery, there’s spookiness- AND Raphael Hamato gets wifed up!! WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT? I love people that write a fully fleshed story that could be a standalone universe, without losing ANY of the flavor or humor or narrative of the original source material.

And last is I’m Sorry, Teenage Mutant What Now

@tangledinink has such a good grasp of family and writing, and realistic portrayals of what would HONESTLY HAPPEN if you discovered literally any aspect of the ROTTMNT narrative. Not even taking into ACCOUNT the turtle nonsense, how do you unpack a family that’s been devoted to destroying a magic monster and sacrificing themselves, or a Dad that fought in a death match battle royale for over a decade, or a RIVAL CLAN OF NINJA? All the characters are written SO WELL, and Kayson does a fantastic job of never letting the characters or story fall into cliche tropes. Their characters are always super detailed, to the point where I really feel it if they’re hungry or hurt or itchy. Which is a weird thing to point out but they make sure you really FEEL the situation. Also like, turtles in highschool? Body dysphoria? My CO-CEO of Hamato Yoshi???

What a great year!! I had so much fun in fandom this year and made a lot of friends.

[jasper-pagan-witch]

How to Start Pop Culture Deity Research

So you’ve figured out that you want to work with a pop culture deity in your foray into pop culture magic and/or paganism (PCM or PCP). Firstly, congratulations! Choosing to work with a deity first instead of waiting for them to reach out is always nerve-wracking, and I’m proud of you for getting this far!

“Thank you, Jasper. But how do I do research into the pop culture deity?” you may ask. Pop culture deities tend to get little press, and you’re not alone in your struggle to find information on offerings, associations, or even domain. As I only work with pop culture deities at this time, that’s what I’m covering here. I’m also not going to cover picking the deity, as that’s a deeply personal process and is honestly just like picking a non-pop culture deity to work with or worship.

Luckily, there are six basic steps that you can take:

1: Scour canon and supplemental materials.

Checking the canon material is kinda self-explanatory for pop culture magic. While non-canon materials can often contradict canon, they can also provide some further insight into a character (when written well). If you’re working with a deity from supplemental material, I wish you luck, because this is going to be more irritating.

2: Fandom wikis.

If you don’t have access to the canon/supplemental material, fandom wikis are a good backup. They are sources of knowledge that are absolutely dedicated to a piece of media and can help you learn more about a specific pop culture deity without making you play through a series of 60+ hour games or spending a small fortune on books if you don’t have a library or your library doesn’t have the series.

3: See if anyone else has covered the deity in a PCP context.

For more popular series such as the Elder Scrolls or the Legend of Zelda, their deities may already be worked with by other pop culture pagans online. Trying to find PCP spaces (Tumblr tags, Discord servers, etc) can help you learn others’ perspectives on the deity you’re trying to study for.

4: Check fandom writing blogs.

Headcanon and fandom writing blogs are a pop culture pagan’s best friend. These fine folks put endless hours, often for free, into some top notch stuff. Many take requests or commissions, and you can tip them for their help. Really, go befriend a writing blog right now.

5: Unverified Personal Gnosis (UPG) and personal headcanons.

I consider these two things to be the same but some other magic practitioners say that UPG comes from experience and headcanons are just “there”, so take whatever definition you’d like. They’re essentially the same in a PCP context because non-pop culture practitioners are going to treat everything you ever say as UPG and fandom blogs (because you will inevitably get those unless you make a point of saying “this is a religious post, fandom blogs do not interact”) will think they’re just weird headcanons written from an in-universe perspective. You really can’t win here.

Anyway, through personal experience and associations, you can learn more and more what a pop culture deity is associated with. This is an important step in the process of any form of deity relationships, not just with pop culture deities.

6: Just ask the deity.

At this point, you’ve decided that you want to work with this deity. You’ve done your deep-dive into canon. You’ve reached out and learned a few initial things. Now, you’re talking to the PCP deity in some manner, so any questions you have about them...you can just ask.

This ties back into number 5, in that whatever you find out with be UPG/a headcanon because you can’t point to something in canon.

[callsigndragon]

Better than me | Jake 'Hangman' Seresin

Pairing: Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x Air Force!Pilot!reader (gender neutral)

Summary: Jake and his ego hurt his s/o

Word count: 1.4

Warnings: jake needing an ego check, talking about past missions, reader gets mad, someone gets slapped, alcohol, drunk hangman... and fluff at the end

A/N: Not my best work, i didn't really know how to fit the request here, cause anon wanted hangman embarassing reader in front of the squad and then fluffity fluff but... well anon, i hope you like it!

Tag list: @tayrae515 @alexxavicry @xoxabs88xox @mercurio23 @shrimping-for-all @abaker74

(if you want to be in the 'All TGM' tag list, send me an ask!)

Being a member of the Air Force had never been easy. You’ve faced criticism during your whole career. Look, it’s not your fault that basic training is easier for your military branch than for the rest. That didn’t make the job any easier. 

You’ve been in Afghanistan several times, the last time trying to evacuate as many people as possible. It was one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to do. 

Right now, you’re enjoying a few days off with your boyfriend Jake and his friends. You traveled all the way to North Island to be with him and his squad, who you haven’t actually met before in person, only through FaceTime or videos that Jake sent you. 

“So, Y/n, Jake didn’t tell us your call sign!” says Coyote handing you a beer. “He’s really mysterious about it.” 

“Told ya, if you want to know, ask them. Not me” Jake says, sitting next to you after his turn at pool. He had enough drinks already, and you think it’s time for you to go home, but you and the squad are having such a good time that you don’t want to take away from them this bonding time after all they’ve been through these past weeks. 

“It’s Falcon. Yes, like the Marvel superhero.” 

“And why Falcon?” this time it is Phoenix who asks. 

“I dressed as him for Halloween” you shrug. 

“Bullshit. They do BASE jumping in their free time” 

“What? Oh my god, Hangman, you’re dating a badass” Fanboy is already impressed by your abilities. You smile at him, he’s one of your favorite members of the Dagger squad.

“Well, you have to look for a bit of action outside the job when working in the Air Force, you know?” Jake says, making every member of his squad stop moving and look at him, with widened eyes. 

“Oh yeah?” you ask, leaving your beer at the bar. “How so?” 

“C’mon, babe. You fly people to the target and then go back to base. It’s like being a commercial pilot” he says, laughing. You hope he’s joking because it’s not funny to disrespect your job like that. 

“All right, I think we should get ready to leave. Why don’t we go to that dinner we went to last week?” Payback tries to stop the argument when he sees the look in your eyes, but you’re not going to stay quiet. Not today. And it doesn’t matter how drunk he is.  

“Do you remember I went to Afghanistan and rescued thousands of people?” you cross your arms, standing in front of him. 

“You know a drone could have done that same job?” he retorts. 

“Says the man whose only air-to-air kill was a museum piece from the Korean War. Well, at least you have new material to use now, with that fifth-gen fighter” You can be mad at him right now, but you have to admit that he is a good pilot. Nothing can take that away from him. Even him being an asshole right now. 

“Well, at least I’ll still have a job in three years. What about you, honey? Will you still have a job?”

The slap can be heard in every corner of the room. Penny, who had been serving drinks, turns around to find the source, and it’s a bit flabbergasted to see it was you who has slapped a man. And your man, to be more precise. 

“Guys, it’s been an honor to meet you at last, but I think it’s time for me to go” you pull the keys of Jake’s house out of your pocket and throw them to the owner. “I’m staying at a hotel tonight” 

“Babe, it was a joke. C’mon, don’t be like that!” Rooster stops Hangman from chasing after you. “Bradshaw, let me go” 

“Not tonight, buddy. You sober up, and you talk to them tomorrow” 

It takes Jake a few hours to find you the next day, but he finally finds your car parked outside one of the hotels next to the base. You are not answering his calls, not even his messages and he’s worried he had fucked up for good the most important thing in his life: your relationship. 

See, he’s not going to lie. He is a fucking idiot and an asshole when he gets drunk. That’s why, usually, Rooster stops him from drinking too much, just so they don’t get into trouble for his behavior. He is always trying to prove that he is better than the rest of the world when he has a few more drinks than he should. He remembers how he said a month ago, how Maverick needed an ego check. 

Now he’s absolutely and completely certain that the one who needs it, it’s himself. 

He walks into the hotel, just in time to see you returning the keys to your room. You haven’t seen him yet, but he can see enough of your face to know that he has hurt you more than you would ever confess. He can see the heartbreak written all over your face. 

There was only one thing that hurt you more than anything, and it was people discrediting your job. And Hangman doesn’t know if he can make it up to you. 

When you turn around, you’re ready to just walk past him and leave him there, but then you realize what he’s wearing, and you think it’s the most ridiculous thing ever. 

“Where did you get that from?” you ask, signaling to his blue t-shirt. It has ‘Proud Air Force Boyfriend’ written in white letters. 

“I bought it a while back, actually. I just didn’t have the chance to wear it before” he says. 

“Do you mean it or is it just because you don’t want me to be mad anymore?” 

He raises a finger, and then pulls a cap from the back pocket of his jeans. It has your call sign embroidered in the front, with the Air Force logo. “I was planning on wearing this after you came back from your last mission, but I was deployed and well…” 

You sigh, knowing that you won’t be able to stay mad at him for much longer. “Jake, what you said… it really hurt” 

“I know, babe, I know. I was drunk, and I tried to make your job seem less important than mine because I think you’re better than me. Better than any of us. How many times have you been deployed? And you had your fair share of terrible experiences. But you wake up every morning, you smile, and you go to save the world, one day more at a time. And I… I take down aircrafts from the Korean War” 

“It was from the Cold War, babe” you correct him. 

“See? I hurt your feelings and here you are trying to make me feel better. I don’t deserve you” 

“No, you probably don’t. But I love you, and you are out in public with an air force supporting t-shirt in a hotel that is surrounded by relatives of naval aviators. And they’re all looking at you” 

Jake looks at the people in the lobby, but he couldn’t care less. “Darlin', the only person I want to look at me, it’s you. Let me make it up to you, please” he is practically begging. 

“Well, hmmm…. You’re gonna make me a big breakfast” 

“You haven’t eaten breakfast yet? Honey have you seen the ho-”

“I’m telling you the things you need to do if you want to get kisses again from me, you sure want to discuss the lack of food in my body right now?” 

“Nope. Go on, please” 

“Well. Breakfast in bed because I couldn’t sleep last night without you. Then, we’re going to see Pearl Harbor. I’ll fall asleep, and you will cuddle with me all day until I’ve had enough. Then we’ll shower, and you’ll invite me to the best restaurant around here. And I will need many kisses” 

He gets close to you, his hands on your hips. “Why Ben Affleck?” 

“Cause his face is better than yours” you joke. 

“Yet, you want me to kiss you” 

“It’s your punishment. Take it or leave it, Lieutenant” 

“Sounds like a good punishment, First Lieutenant” he says, and you have to smile. “What?” 

“It’s Captain” 

“Always trying to be ahead of me” he kisses your forehead, your nose and then your lips.

“Because I’m better than you” 

“Of course you are, honey” 

[fostersffff]

If you're someone who's interested in collecting physical media, especially DVDs and blu-rays, I cannot overstate how good an investment a blu-ray drive for your computer is.

There are copious free resources that will allow you to digitize your collection for additional preservation and convenience... and I've placed them beneath this break!

MakeMKV: https://www.makemkv.com/

MakeMKV is the program I use for backing up blu-rays and DVD. It’s “free while in beta”, and as far as I can tell it’s going to continue to be in beta forever. You just need to register the program with the beta code, which can be found here: https://forum.makemkv.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1053. If your registration ever expires, you can just go to that post and they’ll have it updated with a new one.

“MKV” is “Matroska Video”, which is a container format (named after the Russian nesting doll) that collects the video track, audio track(s), and subtitle track(s) all into one file, which is super convenient for anime, because that means you don’t need to worry about making separate files for different combinations of dubs and subs. My understanding is that this is, essentially, a lossless video copy, and I’ve done comparisons comparing screenshots taken from video playing off the disc and from the .mkv, and I haven’t been able to notice a difference. As for playing .mkv files…

VLC Media Player: https://www.videolan.org/vlc/

The Combined Community Codec Pack (CCCP): https://download.cnet.com/Combined-Community-Codec-Pack/3000-2139_4-10966585.html

VLC is my media player of choice for watching back the stuff I back up. I’m not 100% sure if you need to download the CCCP for this- my backups play fine on my tablet just using the VLC app, and I recently found out they even work off a USB stick plugged into a Samsung Smart TV- but it doesn’t hurt to have.

MakeMKV can also be directly integrated with VLC Media Player to play blu-rays right from the drive, which is tremendously valuable if you're not interest in/don't have the hard drive space for digitization. I think I’ve encountered maybe one thing that couldn’t be played off the disc with this solution, and that was fixed in a subsequent update to MakeMKV. The full breakdown of how to do that can be found here: https://stolafcarleton.teamdynamix.com/TDClient/1893/StOlaf/KB/ArticleDet?ID=128854.

MKVToolNix: https://mkvtoolnix.download/downloads.html

Different companies author discs differently, and I like to keep my stuff organized the same way, which is where this tool comes in. I won’t go into too much detail on this here, but if you ever need to split one large file into smaller files (for example, a disc has 9 episodes of a show to a single title/file, and you want to split them into individual episodes), edit or remove chapter information, or rename audio/subtitle tracks, this is the tool to do it. There's a lot to this, so I would suggest reading the official documentation, but I could also whip up a guide if people are interested.

HandBrake: https://handbrake.fr/

The video encoder for shrinking those backups down to size- my favorite example was getting all 49 episodes of G Gundam down from almost 300gb off-the-discs to just under 50gb. This is also going to be heavily dependent on how powerful your computer is, because encoding takes up a lot of resources. On my computer, which is by no means top-of-the-line, I’d say on average it takes about 50 minutes to encode a 24 minute episode of anime, and that increases exponentially the longer the source material is.

I got the settings I use in HandBrake from this incredibly detailed breakdown of how video encoding works: https://kokomins.wordpress.com/2019/10/10/anime-encoding-guide-for-x265-and-why-to-never-use-flac/#tldr-summary-for-x265-encode-settings. There's a lot of information there, too, but it also provides generic settings to plug in to HandBrake if you don't care to manually adjust the settings for each project you're doing.

And that’s everything I use for my process! A lot of this was trial and error with other programs that cost money, performed worse, and were generally aggravating to use. It's a bit of elbow grease, but the reward is that once something is digitized, you have it forever, exactly the way you want it.

[theephemeralflow]

some thoughts about the ending of land of the lustrous and why I think it’s good

Spoilers ahead for Land of the Lustrous/Houseki no Kuni up to Chapter 100 (as of now that is the most recent chapter) and also (potentially) long post ahead (idk i haven’t written it yet)

A take i see often is “Phos shouldn’t have prayed for the Lunarians, fuck all of them” you know that kinda bitter revenge move, but I don’t think that while that’s the most cathartic (at least for the audience) move Phos could’ve made, I don’t think that it would’ve been the right one, and one that makes sense for HnK. HnK has never been a revenge story, it’s been a story about cycles and change. The three species have all had their own twisted form of humanity, echoing some of it’s worst aspects. The admirabilis willingly gave up their criminals to the lunarians, leaving them to whatever fate would befall them upon the moon. The Lunarians started an endless war. The Lustrous are the furthest from human of the three, immortal rocks, and not as in the immortal remnants of a soul. They would have no reason to even pack bond, to even talk to one another, it is only through Kongo’s influence that they developed as they did, he gave them eyes to see and a human’s education. The threat of the lunarians, plus the influence of a machine built by humans is what developed the Lustrous society and Culture, and we all know how well that is. In Lustrous society, what you are at birth decides what you’ll be forever. The strong will remain at the top, the weak will be left at the bottom, and this is how it must be to survive the onslaught that is the endless war the Lunarians wage. They are naturally unchanging, and of course they are they’re rocks, an inorganic material brought to life, now forced to fight for their lives. They don’t cope well, and how could they when their only fate is to learn and fight and lose, the legacy of humans screwing them over well past the point they were even relevant, but it’s okay, you may lose the battle but the war will never end, because new lustrous will be born and the cycle will continue. You are fighting for a future that is the same as the present but with different actors. And this can’t foster unconditional love, because you can only ever be what you started out as. If you were born weak you are looked down upon, you are dead weight, and you can never change. the only source of love you will get is from Kongo, but that won’t change the fact that you are unloved as a whole by the rest of your brethren. But Phos, might just be the best the lustrous could have hoped for, because they’re empathetic when they don’t have to be, to Cinnabar to Ventricosus. They want things to change for the better. And by the end of the story, when they are once again at the beginning, that has not changed. Phos has both changed immensely and not changed at all. “At last we understand eachother” and empathy: “ the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” Phos has been once described by Aechmea as having nothing which made Phos the perfect candidate for a human, but if Phos had still been feeling the most human emotion, revenge, then they wouldn’t have prayed them away. The final prayer isn’t about revenge or forgiveness. It’s not about Phos forgiving everyone it’s about an act of empathy for themselves, Phos has never known what they’ve wanted to do besides being “useful” but now they know. Phos’s own desire for nothingness as well, in the beginning they had their own form of nothingness through the lack of bonds, and through this act they can go back to that state. And so they burn the bridge the professor told them to by praying. And the old cycle is ended, all the misery it brought has ended, and now something new can start, it’s the Beginning again and Phos is at that same starting point. And it thrives, new life comes and goes and it is content, Phos meets a rock less capable they were in their first form but this rock is content, and this simplicity, has been what Phos has been missing, the ability to just exist as you are and find happiness in that. If you don’t first love yourself as you are how can you take any other’s love as it is, especially when that love is conditional. And what if Phos hadn’t prayed? What then? Nothing changes, everything stays the same, old wounds fester and hurt remains. Kongo couldn’t pray because he loved like a human, Phos couldn’t pray because they hated like a human. Revenge isn’t the ultimate form of self love, and letting go isn’t the same as forgiving those who hurt you, I think the ultimate form of self love is knowing when to let go of grief, of hurt, not to excuse others, but to give yourself space to change for the better and for yourself. We the audience wanted Phos to not pray, we wanted revenge for Phos, because we are human because we feel revenge and empathy and it’s amazing that those two emotions are the catalyst for such changes within HnK, but it makes sense. It’s an ending that reminds me of a burnt down forest, everything is gone, burnt to ashes, but that doesn’t mean new things can grow. Everything happened, but it’s okay now. Phos has new connections and they have themselves. They are loved for being themselves, not for what they can provide. And I think that’s the best ending for a story filled with self loathing and hate.

[spicybylerpolls]

So I just read a really interesting review of the gay WW1 novel In Memoriam, and the reviewer (in a respected newspaper) is describing this adolescent, boyish, somewhat cowardly attraction between the two boys. 

Although they later prove themselves physically brave, Ellwood and Gaunt are cowards in love. Despite being well inducted by other boys into the improvised physical intimacy widely practised at their Wiltshire boarding school, Preshute, their own relationship remains chaste and hesitant: affectionate; Tennysonian; intensely sexless. Both characters are recognisable stock figures of boyish adolescent romance.

Now, it’s well and easy to say such in today’s era when homosexuality isn’t punishable by death, but in terms of Mike and Will, they’re going to explore in fine detail in s5 how and why both Mike and Will have been so careful. But what gets my eye is the mature way of discussing sex. If anything, works are often taken LESS seriously when they are coy about sex, because they suddenly seem embarrassed or childish or Disney-ified. I cannot imagine a more opposite view to the byler sex antis on here, who say, instead, that portrayal of adolescent sex is paedophilic. Can you imagine how you would be dragged to shit by any literary or film critics worth their salt for thinking that? For thinking that teenage sex is inherently bad or paedophilic? 

The review goes on to say:

Both young men torment themselves in attempts to hide their attachment from one another and themselves. It is a losing battle, the first of many they will see as war draws close.

Oof it sounds familiar! 

But mainly, the reviewer (a man) is appreciative of the detail that the author (a female) put into the work as regards sex:

Winn has written against the grain of her “lived experience” in another way too. In addition to not being a veteran of the First World War, some quick detective work in the acknowledgments section of the book reveals that she is also not a homosexual Edwardian adolescent. In fact, she does an intelligent job here too at simulating the male imagination, and although the sex remains carefully speculative, there are occasional observations of striking acuity. (“Gaunt’s prick was a little smaller than his. Ellwood had noticed that a long time ago, at school, had found it ruinously attractive.”)

I want to point out that this last quote comes before these characters engage in any sexual activity together in the book. 

And this comes on the back of the author running the novel by her male gay and bisexual friends for realism before publishing:

‘I had one friend who was really generous and candid about how to make the sex scenes feel real, but also about how to make the characters – outside of the sex – behave more like men. I mean, I don’t want to put too fine a point on this, but I remember at one stage he asked me, “So, who has the bigger penis?” And I was like, “I don’t know!” And he said, “Well, the characters know!”’ 

- Alice Winn

So there we are! Have Mike and Will ever showered together in the gym at school? We see the high school boys do this at Hawkins in s2, but Mike and Will have never been together at high school. Either way, there’s an acknowledgement here of the fact that teenage boys think very differently about sex than girls, and that if you want to create a piece of art that not only is enjoyable and exciting and compelling, but respects its characters and source material, you must be realistic about those character’s thoughts and experiences. I can understand prudishness a little, but to go as far as to call people who are calling for sexual realism in a coming of age story paedophiles????????? What is your aim?????? Feel free to be afraid of sex until you can figure it out, but do not call others who are engaging with something natural and normal perverts and degenerates. It’s not just cruel, but completely ignorant. 

In short, Mike and Will have definitely thought about and possibly know who has the bigger penis - and yes, they’re also very interested in that topic. 

Okay first of all, I'm definitely adding that book to my reading list! I love queer coming-of-age period pieces. Thanks for your service to the spicy byler community!

Second of all, this brings up a lot of interesting points. I especially love your point that, "If you want to create a piece of art that not only is enjoyable and exciting and compelling, but respects its characters and source material, you must be realistic about those character’s thoughts and experiences." So true! I think Bylers are typically really good at understanding this concept, but for whatever reason they completely throw that out the window once sex is in the picture.

"In short, Mike and Will have definitely thought about and possibly know who has the bigger penis - and yes, they’re also very interested in that topic."

[greenhappyseed]

Hi, okay, I have to weigh in on this vote to ban TikTok happening in the U.S., because I’m seeing misinformation on Twitter. Here’s the deal: TikTok is owned by a Chinese company, and TikTok sends your personal data to China. Why is that a problem? Well, private companies in China aren’t exactly “private” in the way Americans think of them. It’s very easy for the Chinese government to influence Chinese companies…including ordering the company to change its algorithms (…and yes, access any personal data). If, say, China wanted to spread misinformation, sow chaos in the U.S., and disrupt the 2024 U.S. presidential election the way Russia did via Facebook in 2016, the Chinese government has the personal data AND control of the platform to do it. The PLATFORM is actually more important than the personal data. China doesn’t need to exploit Facebook when they’ve got TikTok. The only way to reduce the risk to zero is to ban TikTok in the U.S. https://www.wsj.com/tech/tiktok-pledged-to-protect-u-s-data-1-5-billion-later-its-still-struggling-cbccf203 (WSJ has its paywall BS, but the same point is made elsewhere across the internet). This idea has been kicking about in the U.S. for several years, and I can find articles going back to 2021-22 expressing the same concern. But of course, it’s coming to a head now that it’s actually 2024 and we’ve got another fucking election involving Trump.

Do not be deceived: The TikTok ban has little to do with personal data and absolutely NOTHING to do with Palestine. It is NOT a move to “hide the truth” about Palestine from you, as the ban idea predates October 2023. You can still use Twitter, Discord, Instagram, YouTube, BlueSky, etc. (or just look up your preferred news sources online). Also, any law designed for the purpose of stopping information on a particular topic would violate the First Amendment and the law would be overturned by a court.

Is this ban hypocritical of the U.S.? Yes, a bit. This is similar to what the EU says about personal data transfers from the EU to the U.S. To oversimplify, the EU alleges that EU citizen personal data isn’t safe in the U.S. not just because of corporate greed, but also because the U.S. government can subpoena that data under normal U.S. legal processes. It’s fair to criticize the U.S. for this. Then again, I don’t think there have ever been allegations that the U.S. government has tried to disrupt a European government or election the way Russia did in the U.S. in 2016. Also, to be snarky, the governmental bodies in the EU haven’t figured out how to use Microsoft Office without violating their own privacy laws. Like they can’t successfully apply their own laws to themselves. Last week this case was, I think, the third or fourth case the EU has brought against itself for GDPR violations. https://www.edps.europa.eu/system/files/2024-03/EDPS-2024-05-European-Commission_s-use-of-M365-infringes-data-protection-rules-for-EU-institutions-and-bodies_EN.pdf As a result, the EU comparison sounds similar at first, but doesn’t really materialize into a strong parallel to the national security concerns that U.S. legislators have about TikTok.

Look, the ban is clearly a protectionist move, and yeah we can debate it for all kinds of reasons, but don’t fall into the trap of thinking the ban is meant to stop TikTok from having “the truth” that the government or “mainstream media” is “hiding” from you. That’s some paranoid Fox News bullshit logic, and being young and leftist doesn’t make you immune to it. PLEASE read about what happened with Russia and Facebook in 2016 so you’re not repeating the same mistakes.