#parents will be like why can't you be independent and then literally not let you be i 🫶🏻 it

[nnight-dances]

LOVE & OTHER CLICHÉS

PAIRING: jeon wonwoo x fem!reader (ft. kim mingyu)

GENRE: fluff, angst, suggestive content

TROPES: brother's best friend, slow burn question mark, skirting around communication because that's a good plot point, jealousy as requested, banter, teasing, arbitrary social norms about words like "cute" and "sweet" pls don't listen to a word i say ever, etc.

WORD COUNT: 12k (for some reason)

The first time you re-meet Jeon Wonwoo, your brother Joshua's best friend, you think a lot of things. He does, too. It's really interesting how neither of you say exactly what you think.

"Y/N! Is that really you?" 

If you hadn't been on the phone with Karina when you heard Wonwoo's voice, you think you might've genuinely passed away because his voice is something of nostalgic value to you, something distant and definitely not in the same living room as you. You look up and your eyes widen when you find the man gaping at you. "-Oh, hi–" you shoot up from your seat on the couch and then quickly remember your friend still on the line. You tell her, "Sorry, Rina, mind if I call you back later? Okay, thanks, love you. Night." 

Wonwoo raises an eyebrow at you like you'd said something amusing and it's turn to take him in as you drop your phone onto the couch. "Wonwoo, god, you're alive?" you start with a small smile and continue, "Wow, um, you look… the same." What you mean to say is: How did you get even taller, you attractive bastard?

Wonwoo offers you one of his smug smiles at that and replies, "Thanks? I think. You look much more… grown up, you know." He really should've said: Holy shit, you're pretty. And then he opens his arms, "Bring it in, kid. Let's see if I can still get away with tackling you to the ground."

You scoff even as you step closer to him, ignoring the way his arms are a lot bigger than they once used to be when you tell him, "I think you're remembering it wrong, dude. I was the one tackling you."

 It's no use, though, because when he wraps his arms around you, you sigh contentedly because this right here? This is a hug. Wonwoo's so warm around you and you can only pretend that the way you feel his hard muscles tense around you doesn't send chills up your spine. Wonwoo's smiling wide, only barely controlling a comment about how good you smell and how you might've grown taller but somehow still manage to fit just the same in his arms.

All in all, it's a pretty sweet reunion. You haven't seen each other in over five years so the curiosity and surprise is barely uncalled for. You only wished you could've held onto the hug longer before Joshua entered the room with a disgusted grimace on his face.

"Gross. Can you guys not do that?" 

You're the first to pull away with a flustered sigh at Joshua's comment, rolling your eyes. Wonwoo tries to cover up the way he's slightly out of breath by countering, "Why? You can't handle us interacting like two normal humans? Want us to claw at each other's eyeballs like the good old times?"

–

"I don't get it, though," Wonwoo tells you, a slice of donkatsu hovering near his mouth, "Why didn't you just move in with Shua?"

"That's what I've been asking her! Haven't I been a good enough brother to you? What did I do wrong? Huh?" 

You'd already seen Joshua's reaction coming, sipping the beer from your glass to brace yourself. "And as I've politely reminded you many times, big brother, it's not personal. I just thinking that would be the equivalent of moving back in with my parents. Plus, I can afford to live alone now, remember? The promotion that came with the reallocation?"

Joshua flashes you the unconvinced glare he always does when you reason with him. But you train your eyes on Wonwoo instead, determined to get him on your side at least. "It would be waste to just live with him and not do the independent thing. Plus, I literally live across from you, man, so I might as well be moving in with you."

Wonwoo nods quietly as he washes his bite down with some beer, "Hmm. That's fair enough. I don't know why Shua's been whining about it then."

You break into a pleased laugh at that where your brothers gasps in offense. "Hey, Jeon Wonwoo, whose side are you supposed to be on here?"

Wonwoo shrugs, "I'm on the side of logic, my man, I'm sorry."

"God, don't let her fool you. She says all this reasonable stuff but–"

"Oh, so you agree that it's reasonable then?" you question him with a raised brow but he ignores you as he spews his nonsense. 

"-- But the real reason she wants to live alone is so she can get laid."

You hit Joshua real hard in the arm at that, "Ew, dude, don't be a pervert." 

Wonwoo looks postively entertained between the two of you as he provokes you, "What does he mean?"

"Fuck if I know. I don't know what gave this guy the idea that I like to sleep around, if anything, he's the player."

Joshua narrows his eyes at you, "Uh-huh, me, the guy who was in a long-term relationship of nearly five years?"

"Emphasis on was in a relationship. How many people have you slept with since then? I don't want to know. I'm just making a point."

Wonwoo chuckles, "She's right, man. You're not exactly on the higher ground here."

"Okay, okay, but I did overhear you telling your friend that, quote, living with my brother would be the greatest clockbock there is, end quote."

Your jaw falls open when you hear him recount your words to Karina only a few hours ago. "You're eavesdropping on my calls? Wow, see, this is why I don't want to live with you."

"You weren't exactly very quiet! And you were sitting in the living room, too!"

"Whatever," you roll your eyes and then catch the questioning look Wonwoo sends your brother and you take matters in your own hands. "Fine, I said that because I mean, yeah, it's not like the hottest thing to be living with your brother, okay? Like what if I meet a cute guy and lose him to the fact that Shua's the biggest prude to exist?"

"Man, you just made a player, and now I'm a prude? Choose a story, goddamn it!" 

You shrug with a grin, "People can be two things, bro."

– 

"So, you all moved in yet?" Wonwoo asks you and you try to ignore how silly he looks with the edges of his glasses fogged up against the heat of the coffee in his hands. Last week, he'd texted you asking if you'd like to get coffee and catch up. You'd replied with a goofy grin playing on your lips at 1 AM with a: sure :))) if u pay!

You hum as you stir your own latte, "I think so. But everytime I think it's all done, there's always something small I forgot. Like, this morning I realized I don't have wine glasses."

He chortles, "Ah, I know what you mean. Something small but inconvenient. Like a good night lamp."

"Ugh, I need one of those, too. I brought my old one with me but ended up leaving it in the study because I didn't have one there." You sigh as you slump in your seat, "God, I hate moving. I'll have age twenty years by the time I'm fully done."

Wonwoo watches you with a bemused smile. "I can help you with shopping, if you'd like."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I mean, it's not like I moved in recently but I still remember some good places for this stuff. And it might be less tiresome if you have some company." 

Your replying smile is so genuine that it's got Wonwoo smiling and he thinks he's helping you out more for himself than Joshua. It's an unsettling thought for a moment but then your voice pipes back up with an anecdote from your work and he can't care for the thoughts. 

"...So, you have any luck finding cute guys to bring home?"

The question catches you off-guard and your grip on the wine glass you were inspecting loosens dangerously, but you hold onto it before it can break like your pretense of sanity. 

"God," you groan as you look at a chuckling Wonwoo who's standing next to you, arms crossed in that infuriatingly attractive way. "I was slightly drunk when I said that, so it would be nice if you forgot about it."

"Why? I mean, it's understandable you'd want to get into the dating pool here. It's one way to get to know a new city."

You turn all your attention to a different glass. "I guess. But I haven't had too much luck, no. Maybe waiting around to find love organically is my problem."

Wonwoo doesn't immediately respond to that, making you uneasy and sending heat to your ears. Whatever. You'd just have to scream into your pillow and cry yourself to sleep so you could forget this embarrassment. 

"Hmm, I don't know. It'll just take more time that way, I suppose. If you're willing to wait."

It's your turn to go mute except this time the silence is comfortable, only broken by a comment here and there about the glasses. 

"What about you?" you ask Wonwoo at checkout, watching the worker wrap up your chosen set of glasses in bubble wrap. "Are you… with someone?"

Wonwoo's lips twitch with a small smile at your question. "Not at the moment. I like the space of being single." You nod in understanding. 

"And I haven't really met anyone worth spending my time with," he says, eyes floating to you as he pushes his glasses up with a finger. 

You pause at his words, thanking the cashier for their help and making your way to the exit. "You make it sound like dating's a chore, Wonwoo."

He shrugs with a shoulder, "It can be. With the wrong person."

– 

"So… tell me all about your hot brother's hot best friend?" 

"Ew and ew, Karina, do you want me to block you for real this time?" 

"I'm just being honest but all right, do you want to talk about your years-old crush on your brother's best–"

"That's not any better. And I don't have crush on him. Also, it would really nice if we didn't say the word crush anymore. We're both adults with jobs."

"And adults with jobs aren't allowed to have a little fun?" Karina's voice is laced with laughter and you groan in frustration. Who has she been hanging out with to make her so much worse? Not you. 

"Anyway, since you asked so nicely, I'll tell you. My older brother is okay. And so is Wonwoo. There."

A few minutes of further pestering from Karina and you finally let slip that Wonwoo and you have been hanging out here and there, sometimes over coffee that led to shopping dates (Karina's words, not yours) and other times spent over at Joshua's, drinking or playing video games on his couch. It was pretty cozy and you couldn't really complain about this new life.

"Oh, so you don't miss me then, huh? Nice to know. But also it seems like you're hitting it off with Wonwoo and before you cut me off, you did like Wonwoo for like half your childhood, remember? Maybe this could become something. Who knows?"

Oh, you remember. It was you who spent long summer afternoons staring at Wonwoo as he came over to your home after class, spending all his time arguing with Joshua about a card game they'd been playing or about which villain was cooler in the new movie they'd watched. For a while, it had been a distant thing but over time, you'd warmed up to them and started talking more to Wonwoo, now a regular participant in their arguments. 

And as it turns out, it doesn't take a lot of arguments to fall for Jeon Wonwoo.

– 

One thing about you is that you're stubborn. You like to think it's a genetic thing because the only person who could rival your firmness was none other than your brother. And this meant that when Karina tried to convince you that you still had a soft spot for Wonwoo, you tried to tell her that's all it was: a soft spot. Like a platonic affinity for someone you'd spent a lot of time with growing up.

And you reasoned it out with yourself that night, thinking back to the time you'd spent with him recently. It was familiar in the best way possible. Where meeting new people at work was absolutely exhausting, coming back home to your brother and Wonwoo was like a hug to your soul.

Speaking of hugs, your mind rolled over to the one you'd shared with Wonwoo a few weeks ago, an event that you often found yourself thinking. As sane and rational as you thought yourself to be, the way you'd find yourself unable to control a giggle in the dark every time you remembered the way you all but melted into his arms, strong but fond in their embrace around your waist. 

And when you come to your senses, you realize it's ridiculous how stuck up on that hug you are. It's stupid your smile that breaks through anyway and the way your heart beats faster when you remember the plans you'd made with Wonwoo for tomorrow, a trip to a local bookstore because he had found your collection of books lacking the day he'd come over for a visit.

You roll over in bed then, groaning a little because you're starting to think the soft spot might be… growing. 

–

"You know I really didn't think I would spend this much on books today," you mumble as you tap your card at the register. It was almost funny how many conversations you and Wonwoo have had at check-out, almost inevitable because often the shopping experience itself meant a lot of focused silence as the two of you browsed around in tandem. 

It was a weirdly heartwarming way to spend time together. Or maybe that was just you and your weakness for quality time. 

"What do you mean? We literally mutually decided that you needed a better collection." Wonwoo leans against the counter with a cocked brow.

"Well, the mutual part is up for discussion. It's more like you shamed me for keeping a modest book collection. And I mean, I wasn't so sure if I'd find anything good here."

"Really?" he asks, picking up the heavy bag from the counter before you can reach for it, "Because I remember you agreeing pretty quickly and enthusiastically to my proposition to go book-shopping."

"That was only because you made it sound like fun." And it meant that I'd get to spend more time with you. "And it was fun. So that's one thing you're right about."

Wonwoo's smile turns smug as you exit the bookstore, each with a paper bag in hand. You'd settled for carrying Wonwoo's own purchase of two new books that he'd apparently been meaning to come out and buy. 

"Anyway, now what? You wanna go to my place and break into one of these bad boys?" You shake the bag in your hand with a gleeful grin. But Wonwoo's looking at the mall across from you with mouth slightly ajar in concentration. And then he smiles, pure excitement plastered across his face when looks back at you.

"I have a much better idea." That's all he says before his unoccupied hand finds yours and tugs you after him. Admittedly, you're a little dizzy at the sudden touch and let him pull you across the road with quick steps, struggling to keep up with him. At the back of your head, you store away how attractive it is that Wonwoo's holding a good dozen books in a hand and yours in the other, racing ahead like it was the most important thing in the world. And honestly? If it was with Wonwoo, you think you feel the urgency in your veins as if it were travelling across your intertwined palms.

It's a good day to be a romantic for you, as you later find out, standing in line with Wonwoo to purchase tickets to a newly released movie. The genre? Rom-com.

"Well, it's not so much a rom-com as the poster makes it seem. That's actually a deft marketing stunt. It's actually a pretty serious movie about love and I've heard it's not for the weak."

So many questions. You have so many questions. 

For one, "I didn't know you were into romantic movies," you comment, watching Wonwoo from the corner of your eye, too afraid to look him in the eye now that your hand was no longer in his.

"It's possible to avoid romance. Everything is about love these days, even if it isn't."

You also can't believe that you're about to watch a movie with Wonwoo. It's all strangely… different. You'd never been to the movies alone with him. It's a new territory for you. But you're not mad. If anything, the smile on your lips is playful. 

"And it's not just that you're too scared to admit that you like rom-coms?"

"I'm not. Into rom-coms, I mean. The humor is straight-up bad and the romance is tolerable at best. It's like if you're going to do a x to death, you might as well do it well."

"I can't believe this," you mutter more to yourself than him, "Jeon Wonwoo watching a rom-com? This must be a dream."

"You dream about me, hmm?" 

You narrowly avoid whiplash when you turn to look at Wonwoo, his teasing only another addition to the list of things you didn't think you'd hear your brother's best friend every say to you. But the more you know, huh?

The movie itself is insane. The plot is devastating enough on its own but the way Wonwoo's shoulder pressed into yours the whole time, despite there being more than enough space between the two seats, has you more vulnerable than usual. So find yourself tearing up halfway through the movie and sit through the credits with half-contained sobs. And where Wonwoo had laughed at your tears mid-way, when he noticed your sobs, his hand found your back, rubbing it comfortingly. 

"That was horrific," you mumble when you're less overcome with sadness and pout at Wonwoo. "I hate you for making me watch that. I will never find happiness. And worse, I will never find love."

Your words, punctuated with that small pout of yours, has Wonwoo a breath away from falling to his knees with his head in hands because fuck, you're adorable. And truth be told, he was tearing up at the end, too, but he wouldn't let you know that because the way you accuse him for your state is just incredibly precious to him. 

"It was terrific," he corrects you, "And I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd get so emotional."

You glare at Wonwoo at that, as if you hadn't just been dabbing at your eyes with his pocket tissues, "Okay, Mister Emotionless, don't think I didn't catch you wiping tears away in the closing scene."

Wonwoo shoots a guilty grin and pats your head, "You're cute." 

The statement leaves you speechless enough that Wonwoo gets away with it, starting to walk away with a gaping you in his wake. You're deeply confused and slightly jittery when you finally catch up to him with a small "I wasn't trying to be" of affront under your breath. 

– 

"That's bad, right, isn't it? It's so bad. It's horrible."

"Calm down, Y/N, he called you cute, just so we're clear? Not a bunch of bad words right? So why is it bad?" 

"Because!" you cry out, "Because cute is like the most platonic adjective. I thought we were having a moment, what with a movie date and all– but if he thinks I'm cute then I was wrong. So unbelievably wrong." 

"Okay, I know what you mean but that's not always how things work. I mean, you said he held your hand and stuff, right? That's more than platonic. And it's all about the tone. Cute can be a very romantic word if in the right context."

"The context," you tell Karina with a sigh, "is that he's my brother's best friend! He couldn't make it any clearer. Wow, and I was all up in my head over him, too."

"Can we just take a moment to acknowledge how I told you that you still had feelings for Wonwoo?"

"We will do no such thing. Because the feelings are gone now!" 

"Right. I believe you, Y/N," Karina deadpans over the phone, "You can call me when you're done being an idiot. Bye."

– 

It's Karina's sarcastic tone that your thoughts catch onto the next few days, the ones you spend half in agony because Wonwoo hasn't contacted you and after your personal dilemma, you think you'd let someone shoot you before you texted him first. 

So you try your best to distract yourself with work, showing up earlier than you'd built a reputation for, and staying a little later than most. It's a new routine for you, one that leaves you pretty tired in a way that your bones are not used to. 

Maybe that's why your legs don't seem to be working that morning when you bump into someone on your way to the coffee machine. You'd been rubbing your neck, trying to feel out the knot that you'd woken up with, and had effectively lost track of where you were going and collided with a solid figure, sending a few steps back.

You sigh as you regain your balance, ever so thankful that you didn't fall flat on your butt as you look up at the person in front you. He's tall enough that you should've seen him coming so you're first to apologize. "Shit, sorry! I wasn't looking where I was going. Sorry about that!"

"No, no, I should've been more careful. I'm lucky I wasn't carrying a coffee or that could've been really bad. I'm sorry." The man's voice is hoarse and he talks over himself, as if eager to get all his thoughts before he forgets what he's saying. 

You meet his eyes with a small smile, "I guess we're both at fault, huh?" 

He reciprocates your smile with crescent eyes. "Yup. Can I get you a coffee as reparation?" 

"I mean, it's not a big deal at all."

"I insist," the man levels his gaze at you and you wonder how he looks like he could throw you across the room without breaking a sweat, but still manages to be so soft. 

"I'm Mingyu, by the way," he tells you as he hands you a cup of warm coffee. "Thanks Mingyu. I'm Y/N."

"I've seen you around. You were a new hire, right?"

You take your time with a sip of your coffee before responding, "Yes, I was originally at another branch but my leader wanted me closer to headquarters before they opened up new branches in this city. I don't know, something exposure for me and experience for them."

"You must be good if they sent you here," Mingyu points out and you brush it off with a noncomittal shrug. You find yourself pleasantly enamoured by Mingyu for the next ten minutes or so and you wonder how you'd missed him at all in the first place. But when he tells you he better get going, you nod with a smile, "Of course. It was nice meeting you, Mingyu."

Mingyu becomes the perfect distraction, as one might predict he would. He has a unique charm, what with the contrast between his intimidating physique but surprisingly shy demeanour. He's the textbook golden retriever in people and though you're not a dog person, you find yourself grow fonder of him every time you run into him near the coffee machine or while leaving work in the elevator. 

"You have a work crush?"

You groan loudly, throwing a half-eaten cracker at Joshua. "Come on, what is it with all the people I know and having the most childish vocabulary?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, am I not erudite enough for you? You know it may not seem like it but I am four years older than you and I have that much more–"

"Yeah, yeah, something about experience and knowledge, I've heard it before. And by the way, it's technically three years and three months, not that I'm counting."

"You very clearly are," Joshua points out with a frustrated laugh, "Anyway, you gonna make a move on this guy?"

"No, because if you were actually listening to me, you'd have heard that I like him as a friend and that I need help buying a gift for his birthday."

"Right, right," your brother mumbles in thought, "And that's next week?"

You nod as you pick your phone up, scrolling through the chat with Mingyu to reach the text he'd sent you a day ago: by the way, i'm throwing for my birthday on the 6th. love it if you came ;)

Winky emoji and slightly short notice aside, you'd replied as enthusiastically as you could muster: your birthday??? when were you going to tell me!! and: ofc i'll be there but not before i make you suffer for hiding smth so imp from me :(((

Before you can squeeze any more vaguely helpful tips from Joshua, his bell rings and you sit up with a frown as he stands up to get it. "Ah, Wonwoo's here."

"Wonwoo?" is your shocked gasp to that information, body going stiff because you'd seen him only in passing since the day of the movie. You think you might pass out. Why does nobody think it's important to tell you anything these days? 

You hear their voices in the corridor as Joshua lets Wonwoo in and your mind races with your options. Hiding in the bathroom for the night would be feasible if your brother wasn't a monster who would drag you out within thirty minutes. Maybe you climb out a window? But you were on the eight floor and as much as you liked to joke about death, you'd prefer to escape alive. 

Your brother's voice breaks you out of your scheming, alerting you they're in the living room. "Oh yeah, Y/N, here's someone with not childish vocabulary if you want to replace me." 

You look over your shoulder with a scowl but immediately lose your spirit when you lock eyes with Wonwoo, a lopsided smile greeting you. He's wearing a cozy sweater that's a shade of blue so dark that it might as well be black and you want to start crying because his hands are concealed beneath the sleeves, fists turned sweater paws as he stands there, looking between you and your brother. 

"Why are you two fighting this time?" 

"Nothing." "She has a crush at work." 

Wonwoo lets out a sigh when you both answer simultaneously but seems intrigued by Joshua's statement, eyeing him. "What did you say?"

"She has a–" 

"I'm warning you, if you say the word crush one more time, I will do something so unimaginable to your face at night–"

"She likes a guy from work."

Wonwoo looks surprised as he looks back at you inquisitively and you frown. "Untrue. It's just a guy I made friends with recently. And I only mentioned him so I could get advice but clearly, nobody here supports me so I'm going to take this conversation elsewhere."

"I support you." Wonwoo's quick response has you freezing in your dramatic exit and you turn to look at him in doubt but when his expression is clear of any mischief, you sit back down. 

"Nice to know. But I'd love it if we talked about something else for now. Like dinner." 

The night takes on a more comfortable journey from thereon, with the three of you ordering take-out and fighting it out with a card game while it was on its way. You were actually proud of yourself for acting normal around Wonwoo, despite all your past internal conflict. And you would've gone to sleep somewhat peacefully if he hadn't approached you in the kitchen, while Joshua was taking out trash, having lost the game. 

You were placing the leftovers in the fridge when Wonwoo materialized behind you, the only warning of his presence the question he asks you, "You want any help?" 

You barely hold in a surprised squeak as you spin around to him. "Goddamn it, Wonwoo, make some noise next time you sneak up on me?"

"Then I wouldn't be sneaking up on you, would I?"

You roll your eyes, closing the fridge behind you as you declare, "Well, I'm done here. Thanks for washing the dishes, by the way."

"Sure, I know how much you Hongs hate touching water. I was surprised you installed a faucet in your kitchen at all."

You give Wonwoo a push in response, "That's a very funny way to conceal the fact that you lost at rock paper scissors." 

"I just think it was an unfair way to decide tasks. I'm really bad at that game."

"Right, and assuming one can be good or bad at a game of rock paper scissors, what else would you have preferred to play?"

Wonwoo's eyes twinkle with an idea and then, he puts up a hand and wiggles it around in your face. "Arm wrestling."

Your smile falls, "No. That's just–"

"See," he points at you, "That's how I feel about rock paper scissors." 

Despite how much you claim that the two games are not at all on the same par, you let Wonwoo drag you to the kitchen table, standing across from you and arm ready for the wrestling. Slowly, you lean closer to him, hand coming to rest against his.

"Don't be too cocky," you mumble when his hand squeezes yours, already triumphant before the game had begun. The result of the game itself is pretty obvious but when you start to wrestle and feel Wonwoo's forearm tense against you, it has you light-headed. Your eyes leave the match to look at him, only to find him watching you with a glint in his eye. He smiles when you make eye-contact with him, going strangely silent for all his gloating a minute ago. You raise a brow at him and the bastard has the audacity to send a wink your way before pressing your arm against the wood of the table.

"Whatever," you tell him before his already obnoxious grin can swell any more. He opens his mouth and you're already anticipating something insulting to meet your eyes. But instead, Wonwoo says, "Your hand's so small." You look up at him only for him to take your hand in his and carefully line it against his own palm. 

You feel your cheeks burn. It's all so cliché, especially if he's flirting with you. Arm-wrestling turns into a hand-measuring contest. So trite. And yet, you find yourself smiling.

"See?" your hand wriggles, imitiating Wonwoo from earlier, "This game was rigged. Maybe if you had a handicap or something."

"Okay, I think I better leave before you take a knife and cut my hand up or something…"

– 

wonwoo: hello you

you: hi?

wonwoo: heard there's live music at the pub today. wanna come with?

you: ok creep

wonwoo: excuse me??? just informed you of a one in lifetime opportunity. shua's treating

you: WAIT he is???????

you: the one time i can't come?

wonwoo: you can't?

you: yes… have to attend a coworker's birthday party tonight. sorry :(

wonwoo: u should be sorry

wonwoo: imagine how much damage we could've done to joshua's wallet

You throw yourself into your sheets with a disappointed sigh, stomach uneasy at the thought of missing a hang-out with your favorite duo. But then you roll over to your side and think it's better if you go out with people who you didn't grow up with, for once. It might be a new experience. Just to be clear, this was Karina's voice resounding in your head. She had her way of giving you advice without you calling her for it. 

Three hours later, you're tiring yourself out at Mingyu's birthday party. It's intense, the party, bustling with people but then again, you'd be a fool to think Mingyu wouldn't have a roster full of friends to invite to a party. You meet the man of the night an hour into the party and he throws his hands around when he recognizes you. 

"Y/N, I'm so glad you could make it!"

"Of course. Happy birthday, Mingyu!" 

He leans over the bar and yells something at the bartender who eyes Mingyu and upon recognizing him as the birthday boy, places two shots in front of you. 

"Have a shot with me?" Mingyu grins, a slight layer of sweat shining on his forehead. You chuckle in defeat, "Sure, why not?" 

A shot turns into two and you're working on swallowing the third one when your phone buzzes in the back-pocket of your denim shorts. You're about to take a look at the caller ID and decline almost immediately but when you realize it's Wonwoo calling you, you pause. You excuse yourself from Mingyu's side quickly, making your way to a slightly quieter cornern of the party and answer.

"Wonwoo?" 

"Oh," comes Wonwoo's voice, a little distant, and he seems shocked as if he hadn't expected you to pick up. "Hey, Y/N. How are you?"

"Um. I'm fine, Wonwoo, just at that party I told you about. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. You're not too drunk, are you?" he asks, ironically slurring the question. 

"I should be asking you that question. Wonwoo, where's Joshua? Do you need me to come pick you up?"

"No," his voice is laced with disbelief, "I'm fine. Just a little tipsy. Sorry, you should get back to the party."

"Yeah," you reply, feeling a little uneasy as the liquid in your stomach sloshes around with each movement you make.

"Stay safe, Y/N. Call me if you need anything? I'm gonna go find Shua now."

Before you can ask him what he means by finding Joshua, Wonwoo's hung up on you, almost as quickly as he called you. Okay, so that was weird. And cool, now you're nauseous. 

– 

When Wonwoo drunk-calls you, he thinks he's officially lost you. If you didn't find him weird before, you probably thought him a lot weird now. That's great, he thinks. But the regret of his decision doesn't outweigh the need to see you right now, something about the fact that you're at some guy's birthday party making him all worked up. It should be obvious why he's like this but Wonwoo can avoid a serious thought for days if it keeps him slightly more sane than usual. 

But then the Joshua's bell rings and he opens the door, finding you standing there just like he'd imagined a few minutes ago. You're in a slouchy shirt that unbuttoned all the way to your mid-torso to reveal a black bikini top. He clears his throat to contain the thought that threatens to escape him: fuck, you look hot. 

"Shit," you exclaim when you see Wonwoo, "This isn't my place. Ugh. I'm stupid."

Wonwoo steps closer to you, "Are you okay, Y/N? Did you just get back?"

You nod silently and then take a step back from him. "Sorry, I'm just gonna go to the right place. You can sleep… or whatever."

"Wait, no," he rushes to your side, taking your elbow in his hand, "I'll help you."

You roll your eyes, "It's okay, I'm not drunk, Wonwoo. And by the looks of it, neither are you." But you don't push off the hand on you and simply let him follow you to your door, "Is Shua already asleep?"

"Hmm, he passed out. I don't know why he claims to be heavyweight when he can barely handle alcohol. I had force him to leave the pub before he made himself sick."

You listen intently, unlocking the door with a hum, "He's an idiot." You throw the door open and Wonwoo lets himself in after you. He's clearly not too sober because when you bend down to take of your shoes and your ass juts out dangerously close to his crotch, he almost falls over in an attempt to jump away to give you space. But he remains close just in case you stumble, his own shaky state be damned.

But you're unnervingly stable as you stand back up, taking your hand off the wall when you're done taking your shoes off and brushing them against yourself with a suspicious look thrown at him– unnerving because Wonwoo just wants an excuse to get his hands on you somehow. You're effortlessly magnetic, moving across the hall to your kitchen to pour yourself some water, still unebelievably stable, and Wonwoo follows you in a trance-like manner.

"You want something to drink?"

Your question hangs in complete silence and it's only when you look over at Wonwoo that he comprehends that you're asking him. He clears his throat again, "Um, I don't want to bother you if you want to go to bed." 

You raise a shoulder nonchalantly, "'M not sleepy. And you're here so we might as well hang." You disappear from his sight as you crouch down behind the counter, sliding open a shelf, "I have some shiraz I've been meaning to break open, if you're up for it?" 

"Oh, that sounds great actually," he replies and you reappear with two wine glasses in your hand. You beam at him and he feels a thrill down his spine, recognizing the set you'd bought with him. "Great. Go sit in the living room and I'll be right there." 

"No, I'll help you get the stuff."

You pause your movements toward the liquor shelf, "Come on, I thought it was clear I'm not drunk by now."

"I know," Wonwoo walks closer to you, picking up the glasses you'd set down earlier, "Just want to be here with you." 

You turn back around and Wonwoo doesn't know it's to hide the flush that colors your face at his confession. You spend a minute too long picking out the shiraz to recover and you're glad Wonwoo also doesn't know that you could pick the bottle of red out without actually looking. 

"Geez, I've got sand in my feet now," you complain as you take your first sip of the wine from your glass when you catch sight of the particles lodged in your toes. 

"Sand?" questions Wonwoo as he leans over to get a look. 

"Yeah, it was a beach-themed party," you tell him. He nods, thinking that your outfit makes a lot more sense now. "Mingyu's a silly guy for someone who's turning twenty-five."

"Mingyu, huh?" Wonwoo tries out the name, watching out for how you react. You don't give away much, simply taking another sip but your chest burns for reasons other than alcohol. 

"Hmm, yeah." 

"So do you like him? Joshua seems pretty convinced about it."

You hide your face against the couch, "Fuck Joshua. He's an idiot." 

"So you've said."

"No, but really. Mingyu's a sweet guy and all, but he's… not my type."

Now this is something Wonwoo can work with, relief flooding his veins at your honest reply. "What is your type?"

You meet Wonwoo's gaze for the first time in this conversation and groan again. In your head, you can't help but be burdened by how unbelievably cliché your situation is. Your brother's best friend sitting next to you swirling a glass of red wine, asking you about the guy you liked when it was clearly him you liked. In fact, you think your entire relationship with Wonwoo's always been full of clichés: falling for his charm as a youth and growing into the feelings long after, hanging out with him as grown-ups, going on dates that are left unlabelled, measuring hands with him for fuck's sake– It was a little too on the nose, you think. 

But you don't tell Wonwoo any of this, maybe because you're too scared to or maybe you'd liked to see the plot thicken a little. "I don't have a type." 

Wonwoo is surprisingly quick to leave the topic alone after that and you're thankful, but half-irked because you'd hoped for more. But you can't complain when he has you wrapped up in a completely different conversation, distracting enough that you can barely remember how you finished the wine in your glass. 

"Want a refill?" he asks you when the empty glasses have been sitting on the coffee table for long enough. 

"Mhm, I think I'll have some apple juice instead."

"As you wish." 

He doesn't even bother asking you where you keep your juice and takes off with the glasses to the kitchen. You watch him keenly, letting your heart lead your mind for a little as you take in how cozy the night is when you're in Wonwoo's company.

It's with that uncontrollable giddy smile on your face that Wonwoo catches you. 

"Happy about something?" he asks, placing a cup with golden liquid in front of you and keeping his glass of wine next to it. 

"Yeah. About everything. I'm happy."

Wonwoo smiles, arm reaching to your side and squeezing your hand in a way that leaves you thinking that you might actually like physical touch more than you've been led to think. "I like the sound of that."

Your smile only turns goofier. "What about you? Are you happy?" 

He huffs out a breathy laugh, "I'm not too bad myself. Things have been looking up recently."

Fucking fuck, even everything you say to each other sounds like it's been said before, somewhere else in an idealistic movie about two people slowly falling in love with each other. But you can't get yourself to hate the idea so you simply shift closer to him. 

Wonwoo notices, obviously, and smiles a little because he notices the light dusting of red on your cheeks. Your hair's come undone from what was presumably a low bun at the back of your head and he has an itch to brush the strands away from your face– a thought that if you were privy to would only be an addition the list titled reasons why wonwoo and you are a straight-up cliché.

But you find out soon anyway, because Wonwoo acts on the itch, hand coming to cup your face before a few fingers find the crown of your head, gently tucking the stray hair behind your ear. 

You hum in satisfaction and Wonwoo's heart hammers, thinking that is probably the best reaction he could've hoped for. He takes a sip of the wine in his hand and moves to rest his face on his fist. 

Except you intercept him mid-way, closing the space between you with a noise of surprise that Wonwoo lets out when he feels your warm lips against his. The shock causes the wine in his mouth to bleed into yours, just like you'd hoped, and before Wonwoo can act on your advance, you've already pulled back.

Your smile is warm with shyness when you notice the starstruck expression on Wonwoo's face. "Sorry, I wanted to taste the wine." 

Wonwoo's silent as he processes this, moving slower thanks to the wine in his sytsem and now– the feeling of your kiss on his mind. When he does break from the silence, he moves to take another sip of wine and this time it's him crossing over to you, big palm steadying your jaw so he can spill into you, literally and not. You let out a little noise this time, not expecting him to reciprocate your shameless move but delighted anyway as you move against his mouth. 

There's a third kiss. And you pull away with a dreamy sigh because really, this was straight out of your dreams. Wonwoo rests his head on his hand like he'd intended to about three kisses earlier and watches as you avert your gaze, suddenly bashful. You fix your gaze on the coffee table, proud that you'd finally chosen to place it opposite the couch instead of near the bookshelf. 

"I haven't dated anyone for a while, you know," Wonwoo suddenly blurts out, your hair once again in your face when you turn to face him. "I was in a pretty… fucked-up relationship after high school and that made me give up on love altogether."

You listen attentively, eyes on his as he tells about the person he was with, voice dropping to a soft octave. When he finishes you find his hands with a smile, "Thank you for telling me that. And I'm sorry. You deserve so much better than that. You're a pretty solid guy."

"Really?" Wonwoo's mood turns light again at your comment and you try to maintain your composure, reminding yourself that his smile might be casual but your words still hold weight. 

"Yeah, you're a rare find, Wonwoo. Quiet but not boring, witty yet funny, tall but nice to hug." 

You bite your lip at that last part, clearly giving yourself away. But Wonwoo's eyes light up anyway, "Nice to hug, huh? That's a new compliment. Glad to know." 

You can feel him lean closer to you without looking because his voice is closer to your ears. Flustered, you reach for your abandoned apple juice and take a sip, but overestimate your own sobriety because you manage to spill a third of it on yourself. "Fuck," you curse under your breath and throw your head back against the couch in frustration over yourself. 

"Fuck," Wonwoo echoes you, shifting beside you, "You okay? Wait here, I'll get you a towel." He's already standing up by the time you have it in you to find your footing. You stop him with a slightly damp hand on his arm.

"It's okay, I'll just go throw this in the laundry. Needed to change anyway." 

Wonwoo nods as he makes way so you can pad lightly to your room, ears adorably red. He lets out a heavy breath when you close the door behind you though, placing a hand against chest because the sight of your half-exposed chest slightly wet with juice– well, it was doing more things to him that he'd like. Your low expletive followed by your limp body hadn't helped his wild imagination either, instantly wondering what it might be like to run his hands through– 

"All right, that's it. I need some fresh air." Fresh air so he could feel less like a pervert and more like… normal. And it helps to step out onto your balcony, the scenery of the moonlit night a pleasant surprise to his senses. He hums happily, almost forgetting about his preoccupied thoughts entirely.

And then he hears your voice resound in the living room faintly. He calls out your name, telling you to come out to the balcony, and a minute later, you step out, now clad in a cozy night set, matching blue shirt with shorts. "Hey," you mumble as you join him near the railing, body visibly relaxing in the night air. "Woah, it's nice here."

"It is, isn't it?" 

"Yeah, this is actually my first time coming out here since I moved in. I always figured this place would be full of spider webs and like bird shit." 

Wonwoo chuckles, "I mean we're probably standing on something that's not supposed to be here but it's for us to worry about tomorrow." 

– 

When you wake up the next morning, it takes you a good amount of groaning and screaming to figure out if last night was real. Taking shots with Mingyu at his birthday bash? Understandable. Receiving a call from a self-proclaimed tipsy Wonwoo? Confusing but not impossible. Inviting Wonwoo over for wine and ending up making out with him? Insane. 

What's worse, you couldn't really remember how the night had ended, a consequence of your inebriated self combining with sleep deprivation. But that was a pretty important thing to remember, wasn't it? It could be difference between a regretful farewell and a promising one. You don't know which one would ease the storm in your stomach faster. 

You roll over to unlock your phone and sit up when you see you have two unread texts. And then, you see they're both from Mingyu. 

mingyu: thanks for coming last night :D

mingyu: sorry i couldn't see u out. hope you made it home safe! 

You sigh in barely contained disappointment as you throw your phone back into the sheets, looking up at the ceiling. You suppose you ought to do something about the Mingyu situation soon but right now, you find the idea of suffocating in your bedsheets for the next two hours much more comforting. 

– 

See now, this right here is your problem. As much as you complained about hating being a cliché, you kind of wish your situation with Wonwoo was more of a cliché because right now doesn't exactly feel like something out of a film.

It feels like hard cold reality. And it's not the first time either.

1: things will happen between you and Wonwoo: he holds your hand, he kisses your lips.

2: he doesn't text you about it and you're too much of a coward to force him out of his shell.

3: things end up all in the air. And now, you're miserable.

But later that evening, you find out there's more to this list of not-so-cliché things that happen between you and Wonwoo.

4: you run into Wonwoo at your brother's place.

He's so casual, too, dressed in a plaid shirt and lounging on Joshua's couch, gaming his time away. You almost immediately regretting making an impromptu trip to your brother's place but it's too late to back out because Joshua's already set the dinner table for three. How you despise your extroverted, loving brother. 

"Did you make that deadline you were complaining about yesterday?" Joshua asks you over a spoonful of his soup. You nod, "Yeah, turns out it was easier when I stopped whining about it."

Wonwoo lets out a laugh, earning him a look from you which you quickly retract, going back to your quiet self when the two engage in conversation. You're glad to ignore but they find it less than easy to, given how unusual your disengagement is. Wonwoo does have an idea for your mood but he doesn't feel like discussing it with your brother just yet. 

So when Joshua asks him, "Do you know what's up with her?" when you excuse yourself to the bathroom, Wonwoo stiffens. Why was he asking Wonwoo? … Had he been obvious?

"Dunno. Maybe work's busy or something."

"You think I should go pester her with some ice-cream later tonight?" 

 "Best if you don't do that. She might disown you."

"That's like legally impossible, Wonwoo. Right?" 

When you take an unexpectedly long time in the bathroom, Joshua goes on. "Did something happen between you two?"

Again, Wonwoo tenses up. "...No. Why do you ask?"

"I mean, she seemed fine yesterday when she came over. So I don't think I'm the problem here. Not that I'm accusing you of anything. Just… I know y'all have been bonding recently."

Wonwoo averts his gaze, deeply uncomfortable with this chat. "Um, yeah, I guess."

"Listen, man, I don't mean to take on the older brother tone in this conversation or anything but…" Joshua sighs as he plays with a leftover piece of bread, "You know I'm okay if something does happen with you and her, right? I trust you. And well, she was an adult long before me so I hardly have a say there."

Wonwoo stares at his half-empty glass of water, frowning. "Okay, cool." His answer is curt because he's still caught off-guard by this conversation. He'd wanted to bring up the developments between you himself, in his own way, but this left him a little panicked. Like, he was being rushed to make a move. And his brain ended up shutting down in the process.

…but it really wasn't the best time for his malfunction, given that you'd managed to overhear a good half of that conversation, specifically on the Joshua asking Wonwoo about you and him being indifferent about it. What was he thinking? What were you thinking?

5: you storm out of dinner without an explanation. you pretend you don't hear wonwoo call after you when you do. his texts that night go unanswered. 

How's that for a cliché, huh?

– 

These days, you're trying find the joy in small things. Like waking up to your very first alarm for the morning. Or brewing an especially aromatic coffee at home. 

Like making it to the end of a phone-call with Karina without talking about Wonwoo. 

"Oh, wait, before I forget to ask, how did it go with Wonwoo?"

Almost. 

You take a deep breath to steady yourself, "Not too well. I mean, we kissed. But then, he didn't text me for like three days after. Then I run into him at Joshua's and he acts all… cold. And judging by that one conversation I overheard, he thinks everything that happened between us was a mistake." 

"Okay, okay, hold your horses, friend, I feel like a lot happened there. You kissed? Why is this the first I'm hearing of it?!" Karina sounds genuinely upset and you let out a groan.

"Well, I was trying to stop bringing up Wonwoo every time we catch up. It's annoying and I want to hear more about your life than complain about mine."

"We can both complain about our lives, Y/N. I have all the time in the world. At least till six. Anyway, that's besides the point! You kissed but he ghosted you afterward? And did he actually say he thought it was all a mistake?"

You bite your lip in rumination and then admit, "He didn't actually say that but it was implied. You would agree if you'd heard the same conversation as I!"

As it turns out, Karina doesn't seem to approve of the conclusion you've come to all on your own. But then you point out that it's been over a week and it's been radio silence. So you have every right to feel as hurt as you do. 

"I suppose you do. But still, it wouldn't hurt to approach him first." 

"I would rather die."

"Okay, well, maybe find out how he's doing from Joshua?"

"Will not."

"You're being difficult right now, Y/N. What do you want to do then?"

"I want to move on and not think about Wonwoo. Maybe I should go on a blind date or something."

"We're not in a movie right now, man, plus, I'm pretty sure you were the one who swore your life to finding love organically and whatnot."

"...Gah, I was hoping you'd forgotten about that. Fine, I'll do… something." 

Your words are nothing if not misleading because by something, you don't mean to communicate with Wonwoo like a sane person might. Instead you check up on Mingyu, who you've still been succesfully making small talk at work with, and ask him if he wanted to get dinner. The enthusiasm with which he responds is comforting, a relieving contrast from the tension in your relationship with you-know-who. 

mingyu: omg i woud love to

mingyu: but im unfortuntely busy tonight :((((

mingyu: would you be down for tomorrow? i can make some killer spaghetti if given the opportunity

you: make???? i was thinking of buying the food… but i won't turn that offer down

mingyu: i'm a man of many talents ;) 

You work out the details of the date (neither of you call it that, but it's understood to be one) over the night and you feel a little uneasy as the afternoon of the day comes to a close. Either way, you find a comfortable dress that is flattering against your skin and welcome Mingyu into your place, letting his excitement work its contagious magic. 

If you're following the plot line of this story closely, you'd figure out that the next cliché is this: Wonwoo behind the door across from your home, just now learning about this date of yours with Mingyu. 

He's broken his pledge to himself and asked Joshua about you, after having missed seeing you there for the past week. Joshua had hesitated to respond but is honest anyway, muttering, "I think she has a date over."

"A date?" is Wonwoo instantaneous question, barely-concealed dread underlying in its tone. 

"Yeah, remember that guy from work whose birthday she attended?" Joshua pretends to have forgotten his name but his best friend is quick to chime in, "Mingyu?"

But you'd told him he was just a friend. You'd called him sweet for fuck's sake, and that was the most platonic adjective you could use for a potential love interest. Well, he's been proven wrong by your date tonight.

He looks down at his clasped palms, the same ones that were intertwined with your skin, first the skin of your hands, then your cheek when he'd leaned into kiss you. And if he hadn't spent the last four days regretting every minute he didn't call you up, he sure did want to punch a hole in the fabric of time right about now. 

"You okay there, buddy?" 

Joshua's concern brings Wonwoo back to his body and he looks up, lips pursed and your brother thinks how ridiculous it is that both of you won't just talk it out. But he keeps that judgement to himself, choosing to sit back and watch his best friend pace it out. 

"Yeah, I'm fine. Fine. Really fine. I'm okay." He clears his throat, the first tell. "I'm just… um, a little hot. It's hot in here, huh." 

Joshua tames his bemused smile. "Is it? I just turned up the air-con though?"

"Oh, well, it's just me then. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah, um, I love this video game."

"Wonwoo, we were in the middle of choosing a card game to play."

"Fuck. Okay, sorry, just give me a minute, I need to go call… my mother."

"No worries, my guy, give Mrs. Jeon my greetings!" 

Across the hall, you're busy watching over Mingyu as he makes his way around your kitchen. You say watching over because really, the man is so clumsy in his own feet, you wonder how he's lived this long. You have to make sure he doesn't cut a limb off every two seconds.

But then your phone buzzes urgently in your pocket and you pull it out, the light smile playing on your face falling when Wonwoo's name pops up on your screen. Now he texts you?

wonwoo: hey! you think we could talk?

You lock your screen almost as soon as you read the message because honestly, you don't have time to dwell over this man in your phone when there's a whole another person cooking you dinner in front of you. That's what ends up leaving a heartbroken Wonwoo, slumped on Joshua's couch as he barely zones into the movie that was playing on the screen. 

Joshua's had it with sitting around when Wonwoo stays unmoving throughout the ending credits– the man hates the credits for crying out loud!-- and instead decides to play cupid. It wasn't ideal, having to set up his sister with his best friend but well, any commoner could see how clearly you were meant to be with each other and he'd rather not have to listen to both sides' misery. 

It's okay timing, you've finished eating dinner with Mingyu, showering his food with compliments the whole time and flustering with your genuine shock at his abilities the whole night. He's helping you clean up with a cheeky grin on his face whenever he leans in a little too close to place a utensil back in its place and you let a smile overtake your face. But you can barely let yourself enjoy the date because if Wonwoo ill-timed text wasn't enough, you're done for when both him and Joshua show up at your door.

"What the fuck?" you ask your brother because you're positive you told him you had a date tonight and then you spot a spaced out Wonwoo next to him, and suddenly put two and two together. 

Wonwoo's eyes never leave your figure, taking in how beautiful the blue dress you were wearing was and how you'd put your hair up in a half-bun, a few strands framing your face prettily. He feels sick, first in a good way and then Mingyu pops up behind you, and now Wonwoo's sick in a bad way. The tall man looks so comfortable next to you, arm brushing against yours as he raises his eyebrows in confusion at the two intruders.

"Sorry, Gyu, these are…" you start to introduce them as they are and then, find a particularly provoking way to put it, "...my brothers."

Wonwoo might actually throw up right here and right now. Gyu? Brothers???

Joshua butts in quickly, "Well, technically, I'm Y/N's older brother, and this is Wonwoo, my friend."

"Ohhh," Mingyu nods in understanding, bowing when he realizes Joshua's your sibling, "Nice to meet you. I'm Mingyu and I work with Y/N."

Before you know it, Joshua works his charms on Mingyu and suddenly, date night for two turns into family night for four. You watch in dismay as your date spends a full hour talking to your brother about one thing and another, actually considering setting them up for a minute. And then, Mingyu glances at his watch and sighs, telling you he needs to take off. 

Joshua, devil incarnate, offers to walk Mingyu out and before you can protest, Mingyu accepts (????) and you watch helplessly as your brother leaves you alone with Wonwoo, narrowly missing the pointed look Joshua sends his best friend on his way out. 

The room now silent with them gone, you stand up with a wary sigh, patting down your dress. Wonwoo's watching and you know because the first words he says that evening are, "You look beautiful tonight."

You hate how the heat creeps up your neck immediately at his beck and call. But you keep from telling him off because even that would mean you caving in. 

But then he follows you to the kitchen, steps in tandem as you pretend to busy yourself with the dishes. The space between you is small though and you end up bumping into the man trying to reach for the fridge. He takes the chance and holds your wrist in his hand. "Hey," he breathes, "You won't even look at me?" 

"No, I've seen enough."

"I'm assuming that includes the text I sent you tonight. And the ones before that?"

God, you hate how good Wonwoo is at frustrating you. You snap, "Don't act like this is on me, Wonwoo. You're the one who pretends like nothing's happened between us." 

"Really? Because a lot's happened between us, Y/N. A lot of things that haven't happened with you and that Mingyu." 

You scoff, brushing his hand off your wrist. "That is so typical of you. Coming around because you're jealous? But you can't stand to tell my brother something happened between us? What is this, a game to you?"

Wonwoo freezes when he considers what you've said. "Did Shua say something to you?"

You cross your arms, "No. I overheard you telling him. I can't believe it though. I really thought we had something good going for us."

You break away from the arm that Wonwoo raises to keep you close and throw yourself onto your couch with an exasperated sniffle. This couch sure has seen a lot, you think wistfully, silently listening as Wonwoo's footsteps came closer. He's sitting next to you then, hesitant arm around you.

"I'm sorry, Y/N, I'm really sorry. What you heard was… me being an idiot. I wasn't ready to talk about it with Shua so soon. I meant everything happened so fast. I hadn't exactly planned on falling for my best friend's sister, you know? Or kissing her in her apartment either. But it happened and I'm so glad it did. I was just slow at processing it. I'm sorry."

You groan. "It's not completely your fault, I guess. I just wish you would've talked to me about it. I felt so alone the whole time." 

Suddenly Wonwoo's moving up from next to you and dropping onto his knees so that you're now meeting his eyes. He looks concerned, mouth ajar as he takes your hands in his. "Are you with Mingyu?"

You let out a sound of disbelief, "No! I'm– I just called him over because I was mad at you! I thought you thought it was a mistake so I…"

"I don't. And I never did. I'm just scared. But I shouldn't have made that your problem. I love hanging out with you though and I especially love kissing you. It would be great if you'd let me take you out on a date instead, please?" 

And in that moment with Wonwoo on his knees in front of you, looking at you like you'd just told him he would live forever, you don't think you could do anything but say yes. 

– 

"You think we're a cliché?!" 

You flinch at Wonwoo's shocked question after you'd revealed to him the mental list of clichés that you embodied in your relationship with him. He's nearly seething when he finds out you're not joking. 

"Y/N, you know that's the meanest thing you could ever say to me? Am I really that bad a boyfriend?"

"Woo, my love, will you calm down?" you take one of his hands in yours, "I don't think clichés are as bad as you think they are. They're cliché for a reason! It's because they're meant to be done over and over again. They're tried and true."

"Tried and trite, more like."

"Come on, Woo, you can't act like you don't see it! From the very beginning!" 

He takes a lick at his gelato and you smile when you see him softening a little. You stop walking and stand in his way, barely concerned about the strangers littering the small ice-cream shop when you press a kiss to his lips. "I love you," you mumble against his ice-cold mouth. He shoots you a look that informs you that he knows what you're doing but he shoots back, " I love you, too."

"And love itself is cliché, don't you think?"

Wonwoo closes his eyes as if in physical pain while you uncontrollably laugh. "I knew I shouldn't have fallen for that! You're trying to make me cry in public, aren't you?"

"Aww, it's okay to cry, Woo, baby. Emotions are only natural–"

"I'm calling Shua and asking him to pick you up. I'm leaving."

"Okay, I went too far. Don't make me commute with my brother, I beg you."

– 

"Love, you ready to go?" you hear Wonwoo ask from the living room. You'd banished him to the couch after he'd made it his life mission to get in your way while you tried to get ready for your date. Well, double date actually. Karina was visiting you on break with her boyfriend, Taeyong, and she'd asked if you'd be down to get dinner with them. You had never agreed to dinner plans faster. 

"I am," you call back, just as you smear on lipstick, checking your teeth for any missed food particles for good measure. "Can I come in now?" 

You can see Wonwoo's silhouette at the door, gingerly watching you from the back for confirmation. You melt with a soft smile, beckoning him in, "Yes. Your exile's over."

Wonwoo celebrates with an exaggerated fist pump and you laugh at his antics when he skips over excitedly. "I'm a free man," he murmurs as his hands naturally slide down your arms to find your fingers. He twirls you around, admiring the black dress you broke out for the ocassion. "You look gorgeous," he says with a kiss to your cheeks.

"Are you quoting Taylor Swift at me?" you ask him with a giggle.

"Who's that?" he questions with a poorly feigned frown of confusion. You roll your eyes but open your arms invitingly, "Will you hug me?" 

Hugging had gradually become your favorite part of your skinship with Wonwoo, even more so than kissing, because the way he would shoot you a loving smile before wrapping his arms around and swallowing you into a world of cozy and comfort… yeah, you don't think anything could compare easily. Sometimes, he would hum happily, the vibrations would only soothing you into the embrace further and often your boyfriend had to peel you off him so you could actually get on with your day. 

Today, he lets you cling on longer than usual (he likes to say he's rationing his hugs. You tell him he's just a big tease), probably because he's busy relishing in being overwhelmed by your scent and the little kisses you sprinkle across his exposed neck. When he pulls away, you don't complain like normal, instead revealing the stars in your eyes to him. "You're warm. I love this sweater of yours." 

It was the same navy sweater that had you sweating over Wonwoo back when you were still going back and forth with your feelings for each other. He chuckles in amusement and then steps away without warning, earning a whine from you. But then he tugs the sweater off and your expressions turns playful. 

"Woo," you start warningly, "you know we're meeting them at the restaurant by nine–"

You're stopped mid-sentence when Wonwoo straightens out his garment and commands out, "Raise your arms for me, baby?"

But this is not his bedroom voice, no, no. This is his sappy voice and you already know what he's doing when he pulls the sweater over your head and down your torso. "It looks cute," Wonwoo comments by the time you have the sleeves pulled down properly. 

"You know I hate that word, Woo," you complain but he doesn't let you, pecking your forehead. You sigh in defeat and admire the sweater in the mirror, the fabric sitting surprisingly well against the skirt of your dress. You shrug, "I suppose I can work with this new outfit."

"If not, I can always just take it off for you–"

"Okay, we're leaving before you say another word!" 

Wonwoo laughs as he lets you pull him out after you, out the living room and into the hallway. He stands next to you, hands in his pocket while he waits for you to lock the door and glances at Joshua's door, wondering what his best friend was up to. You don't give a chance to do something about it though because your hands back on his arm in no time – and he swears you touch his arm for reasons beyond appropriate but you'd rather die than admit to it– and walk into the night. 

You meet Karina at a place called Love in the Air and Wonwoo's had listen to you go on, super smug, about how beautifully cliché the name and ambience of the restaurant is. Each dish has a romantic origin, like the shall I compare thee to a summer's day cocktail that Karina and Taeyong share, down to the lipstick-shaped bottles of wine served to your table. And as much as Wonwoo pretends to hate the cliché of love, he still orders the matching Valentine's soup as you just so you can watch his order come out in surprise. 

And as much as Wonwoo pretends he doesn't love the cliché of love, when you lean into his arm at the end of the night, already dozing off when he runs his fingers through your scalp, he can't help but let his heart soar with affection for you. And he thinks he would, after all, be in a cliché if it means to end up in your arms night after night. 

--

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

hiii oh my god why is this fic actually long!!! i wrote in like a day too so i'm just confused... it was 3k a minute and then 29 pages the other?? that's just wonwoo magic or smth i guess... this was requested and i hope the anon who asked for this enjoys it!!! writing it made a lil sick because of how sappy it is but ... it is what it is.

and consider this me admitting that i wouldn't mind having joshua be my brother... and that's just the flavor of parasocial relationship i'm dealing with these days lol

as always: lots of love to all friends and foes !!

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

Why Didn't Peter Mentor Gwen?

Back at it again with my biweekly anti-Peter B hate post :) 💗 I'm full of rage - MEDIUM length post

If Peter wanted to be a mentor so badly I don't understand why he didn't just mentor Gwen.

Like... Logically speaking there had to be a time where Gwen DIDN'T know Hobie yet and was staying on Campus.

And we already know he was in the Society when she got there - cause he was there to see Gabbie die.

Like he's always talking about wanting to be a mentor.

And then Gwen pulls up to HQ homeless, emotionally wrecked, and in need of a mentor and suddenly he's like 'You got this one Jess 😃'

'I know I literally know Gwen almost as much as I know Miles and I know you're 8 1/2 months pregnant but you got this one Jess'

Like I don't understand 😭😭 the WHOLE movie that's all he talks about wanting to be a mentor so so badly and how sad it makes him that he can't be a Good Mentor

meanwhile Gwen is literally standing there homeless in need of a mentor ten thousand times more than Miles

Why not just mentor her????? She's literally right there

Like.... Do you only wanna mentor Miles or..

And I've heard people say he couldn't have mentored or housed her because he just had MayDay and like-

Bullshit.

Cause there are hundreds of millions of families that somehow can raise a baby and a teenager at the same time.

That's not even a difficult feat. That's not even uncommon???? 😭 Chances are a lot of our parents did the exact same thing - looking after a baby and a fairly independent teenager isn't that bizarre

And also - Peter can go home and put down MayDay.

Jessica can't go home and take off her pregnant stomach. If anything, Jessica would be the one MORE busy and more in needing of rest.

Yet Peter still left it to her.

But sure let Peter walk around in a robe while Jessica gotta play backup for Miguel - must black women do everything in this house.

And even if we say that Jessica is there because she wants to be, which she probably is, EVENTUALLY she's gonna have to take off to have her baby. That's inevitable.

So... What were they gonna do with Gwen then???? Wouldn't it make sense to give it to Peter, knowing Jess is probably gonna be on a short or extended leave soon....

And then there's the excuse that Gwen might not have wanted Peter as a mentor, which ????? Cause what makes you think she'd want a random stranger to be her mentor or a random stranger to try to befriend her or house her.

Gwen won't even talk to her own friends. Chances are Hobie had to do MONUMENTAL work to get Gwen to open up.

So it's not like Gwen just chose to run to people who weren't Peter. Jessica and Hobie most likely would have had to approach Gwen purposefully to build those relationships with her.

Which Peter could have done as well. But he didn't.

Jessica wasn't even running and eager to mentor Gwen, but she still did her best and gave it her all.

Meanwhile Peter B is crying and whining the whole movie about how much he missed Miles and he wants to be a good mentor and father

Meanwhile there is a homeless teenager he personally knows in need of a mentor and he pretends he does not see it

Okay dude. Sure. You totally wanna be a mentor for the purpose of helping kids. Yeah sure, you totally aren't doing this for your own self validation bro.

I even heard someone say 'Yeah well Peter only knew Gwen one day at this point-'

umm umm umm

THE SAME IS TRUE FOR MILES??!!! Which makes this WEIRDER!!!

He's known Gwen and Miles for about the same time, and have shared a lot of the same experiences together but Peter only seems to be interested in mentoring or helping out Miles.

Is that not bizarre?????

Like realistically speaking - Hobie did not meet Gwen day one. Or maybe even week one.

There had to be period in time where - at first - only Miguel, Jess, and Lyla know about Gwen.

And we see that Peter and Miguel are together a lot -or comfortable around each other. So it's not like Peter wouldn't know that Gwen is there now.

So like ??????

Peter were the fuck were you between the dates of Gwen arriving and Hobie meeting her?

That shit not adding up.

Peter wants to be father of the year with his daughter but he be having his daughter in the face of Miguel, who lost his own daughter, and be ignoring Gwen who lost her own father.

Like, dude read the mfing room!!!!

If Peter really wanted to be a mentor he would've begged Miguel to help Gwen.

Instead he wanna monologue about his goddamn baby. Don't nobody wanna hear about your baby.

Matter of fact Hobie should adopt your baby too. Give him MayDay. You don't deserve no children. Actually Hobie runs a foster home now sorry. Rename her to MayDay Brown. It sounds better anyway.

Buti will never understand it

Like how the whole movie he's crying about being a good mentor and letting down Miles meanwhile I'm here like .. gwen,.. gwens crying peter. turn around shes literally about to cry maybe you should Do Something

ESPECIALLY since Gwen needs EMOTIONAL mentoring, not TECHNICAL mentoring.

She's been Spiderwoman years. She does not need Jessica's mentoring style. She needs someone who is going to make an effort to connect with her emotionally despite her difficulties opening up.

But I guess that someone wasn't Peter!!!!!

'I wanna be a good mentor'

Well you're not trying hard enough. You might not even be trying at all. What is Miguel paying you for. He better not be paying you 😭😭

Idk what the hell they're gonna do with Peter in BTSV cause idc what he says or does every time he comes on screen im gonna be looking at him like

'die. sacrifice yourself. dive under the rubble. save gwens life. your only value to me is the relief i will feel seeing you die.'

You don't know how much it bothers me knowing that I have to rewatch this series with him as a character in it. It's like having a shit stain on your wedding dress.

Mentor. Mentor my ass. Hobie is a better mentor to Gwen AND Miles. The dude who speaks in rhymes and riddles can somehow open Gwens Pandora's box of emotional trauma meanwhile Peter b Parker 'forgets' he's wearing a tracking watch.

I am on a war path against this man. I will not be silenced

[icanseethefuture333]

Random ass question, but what do you think is the best way for a 4/10 girl to become at least a 7 out of 10? I’m aware that “beauty is subjective” but I’m literally below average, 4/10 is being lenient for me lol

How to have confidence in your physical appearance 🎀

First of all sweetie,

let's not rate ourselves on a scale about how pretty we are! It's really degrading and I feel like you deserve so much better than that. Living in a generation where filters are oversaturated, people using AI to edit their photos, and incels with porn addictions and have never felt the touch of a woman, will call the most beautiful girl "mid". It's so understandable why one's self esteem can feel low at times. You need to change the way you talk about yourself (especially me). Beauty always start from within - as redundant as that sounds. You can't feel pretty if you're not focusing on the reason why you feel this way. A pretty soul (and self concept!) makes a prettier face. Moving on, let's get into the actual tips of a glow up 💖

Let's address the elephant in the room 🐘: you're not ugly, just acting pitiful

Have you ever wondered why you have seen those people who are considered "unattractive" or "unconventionallly pretty" by others be in successful relationships or popular with their peers? It's because they have confidence. Have you ever been attracted to someone that may not necessarily fit the beauty standards or be considered a jaw dropping model, but you thought they were cute anyways because of their personality or charm? That's exactly what I mean. You can be a pretty face or have a nice body, but have terrible self esteem. Living in California my whole life I come across this everyday. There is plenty of beautiful people here, but there is also a lot of people with no sense of humor and no offense, but have no personalities. In other words, you can be attractive, but superficial and boring.

To feel beautiful or more like a "10" even on your worst day is mainly having a good self concept. You need to think with the mindset of "I am the baddest bitch even on my worse days and nobody can make me feel different about that, not even me." Our concept can be changed, reshaped, rebuilt, morphed, etc, into any way we want it to be. Our self concept and dominant thoughts are created by our previous past experiences and what people have told us what we are. For example, if you were bullied in your youth and somebody picked on you for your features. Why would you give a fuck about what a bully thinks??? A person who humiliated and traumatized someone at a weak point in their life does not matter. Their opinion, their actions, their thoughts - doesn't matter. You can change yourself anytime you want, we are animals, we are literally mean to be apart of this cycle called life and our habits, attitudes, opinions, etc, can change at any moment. We are meant to grow and adapt. You get to decide who you are, what you feel, and how you wish people to perceive you. Nobody else. So when you repeatedly say things to people like "I'm not beautiful", they're gonna get tired of it honestly and be like "Yk what damn bitch I guess you are ugly!" because it gets tiring to hear someone complain about the same thing even when they just reassured them (again, I'm guilty of this too). So when you depend on someone to make you feel good about yourself, that's just codependency. You are also giving them the power to manipulate you. Don't do that. Be free and be independent, love yourself. It's your self esteem and you cannot be dependent on anybody else to fill that void you have within yourself.

As Katt Williams said, "It's the esteem of your motherfucking self!"

Why it's not your fault you don't 'feel" pretty

Like I said above, you are most likely a product of your surroundings. Most people are not raised by their parents to have good self esteem or to teach them how to be confident or emotionally secure. There are many environmental factors to insecurity and that it is okay if you are never 100% feeling confident about yourself. People in the media construct this ego to seem "cool" and act conceited as a way to avoid being seen as weak to society. You can be confident and also have insecurities. Confidence is just about being secure with the essence of who you are and setting boundaries when necessary with other people when it comes to that. A confident person doesn't tolerate disrespect.

"Conceited" or confident?: how to avoid confusing the two

I think the most irritating thing to me that is normalized these days is narcissism and conceited people. People will literally act boastful and cocky then say "I'm just confident". Behaving like a narcissist or saying that you are one is not cute and never will be because it's literally a personality disorder, a mental health condition. Everytime I hear this it makes me want to roll my eyes so far back into my head. Try to avoid being this person with a "God complex" because there's a difference between a person who is being loud and fake with "confidence". A real confident person makes moves in silence and is genuine with themselves. If you have to brag or put another person down to feel like hot shit, then you're not a confident person, period.

Tips to enhance your beauty

As I said before anon you are already a 10 in my eyes, but I understand how it feels to not feel pretty at times and we all have our days when we are looking "rough". Here are some self care tips I do that helps me feel pretty and pampered physically ✨️

Get some beauty sleep! This is not just a saying. When your body has time to rest it gives you time to reset & have more energy for the next day. Getting plenty of sleep helps prevent dark circles & puffy eyes as well. If you struggle with falling asleep spray lavender pillow spray, drink tea, or play asmr/soothing sounds.

Skincare & hygiene, this is such a crucial step that everyone should practice in their daily lives. All of us have different skin textures and when we neglect our skin it causes a dry, oily, or bumpy surfaces. Now skin texture is totally normal but if you notice the days where you are not washing your face frequently enough, your skin either looks dull, dirty, or you experience more pimples / acne breakouts. Not to mention how dirty we feel when our body is projecting a certain odor. You don't need to have an extravagant routine, but at least try to have about 4 hygienic products (soap, deodorant, lotion, & body spray/prrfume) and 4 skincare products (facial cleanser (I recommend double cleansing!), serum, SPF/Sunscreen, & face lotion).

Mirror work, saying affirmations in the mirror has proven to be helpful for people's self esteem & feeling more confident with their physical appearance.

Change your wardrobe! Start dressing for your body type & how your ideal self would. It might feel uncomfortable at first but you will feel so much more beautiful! You could try finding videos on tiktok of people with your body type to help (for example, if you are plus sized, you could search your desired aesthetic & find people with the same shape as you).

Detox from social media 📱, learn when it is time to take a break from your phone & engage with the real world. Scrolling for hours on your phone can be really harmful especially if you're reading negative comments or watching videos that are self depreciating.

Follow people who uplift you, not tear you down. If you are following people who obviously are negative or affect your self esteem somehow, then you do not need to be supporting them.

Make appointments! Whether that is a doctor appointment or lash, nail, or hair appointments. Take care of your mind, health, and body. You could ask your doctor what vitamins you should take or also seek a counselor/therapist to find the root of your insecurities in a safe place. Also sometimes just getting my hair or nails done makes me feel more confident!

Learn to treat yourself. Buy yourself flowers or a gift you always wanted but never received. This could be anything, it doesn't necessarily mean to spend money. For example, cooking your favorite food, having a lazy day, etc. Remember that you deserve to be happy!

Lastly, beauty spells, glamour magick, and manifestation are popular methods for people who wish to enhance their physical appearance. I do all of these myself and I always feel so hot afterwards!

I hope you found these tips helpful beautiful ♡!

[sirfrogsworth]

Hi Froggy,

I hope you've been well! I wanted to reach out and first say that you inspired me many years ago to rescue a corgi! She was a grump, I think she may have taken her name (Elphaba) too literally. She recently crossed the rainbow bridge, but she was such fun and a joy. I hope our pups are playing together, somewhere peaceful.

I have a question unrelated to stumpy Corgis. I'm a veteran birth doula and an aspiring birth photographer! I've been trying to research cameras, lenses, and all sorts of technical stuff. I'm leaving towards purchasing the new Nikon ZF, because of the purported low-light capabilities.

Lenses are throwing me completely.

Do you have any guidance or resources to help a newbie like myself? Not really looking for an in-depth answer (I know how complicated things can get), but maybe a general push in the right direction?

If you don't want or can't answer, no hard feelings! I enjoy just seeing your posts on my dash and I hope the rest of your year is amazing and calm!-Steph

(continued...)

My budget is pretty flexible, since I am an independent contractor the expense would be tallied towards my taxes. But that being said, maybe $1-3k? I know it's important to invest more into lenses!

Usually, I am in a hospital, and lighting is extremely variable. I would be shooting mostly in low-light before baby is born. During delivery and after there is usually a spotlight or fluorescent lighting. The low lighting is exactly why I was looking at the new ZF, but if you have suggestions on that too I'm happy to hear them!

It's very cramped when the baby is born, most medical and support staff are clustered around the laboring person.

Warning! A lot of birth photos will have baby crowning or blood. It's a messy business, so I don't want to trigger you if you're sensitive to those sorts of images.

I will not be able to be directly next to the laboring parent, more than likely I'll be a few feet away, possibly behind the parents or standing on a stool.

After the baby is born, I'll be able to get closer to both parents and baby!

Here's a portfolio that is close to what I would like to provide (once again TW for blood and crowning):

https://www.sarahginderphotography.com/birth-photography-north-new-jersey

I cannot thank you enough for any help or advice, this whole endeavor is like learning a new language!

----------------------------

Note from Future Froggie...

I went way overboard on this response, as usual. I have decided I'm going to break it up into 3 parts.

First, an encyclopedia of lens terminology.

Second, a camera and lens buying guide.

Third, practical advice for shooting in cramped rooms with tricky lighting conditions.

While this will be geared towards the original ask, I think this could be helpful to a lot of people. So, let's learn about lenses!

--------------------------

Lenses throw everybody, just because there are so many options. It can be overwhelming to look at a picture like this and wonder what will suit you best.

It's a lot of pressure too, because lenses are more important than the camera in a lot of ways. Interchangeable lenses are probably the biggest advantage big cameras have over smartphones these days.

But I think I can help get you up to speed.

The following terms are photospeak you might hear in camera and lens reviews and if you aren't familiar with them, it can make it difficult to figure out what camera and lens to purchase.

I tried to put these in an order that makes sense, but some terms relate to other terms and you may have to read the list twice to make sure you understand how everything mushes together.

Froggie's Encyclopedia of Lens Terms

Lens Mount

Every camera has a specific lens mount. Sony calls theirs the E Mount. Nikon has the F Mount (older) and the Z Mount (mirrorless). So you need to make sure the lens you are looking at is compatible with the mount on your camera.

Mirrorless cameras all upgraded to a mount with a "short flange distance." Going without a mirror allows the lenses to be closer to the sensor.

Long story short... Short flange distance = easier lens design = sharper/lighter lenses.

However, if you want to use older DSLR lenses, there are adapters for Nikon and Canon that allow you to do that.

Aperture

"Aperture" is an opening at the front of the lens. It gets bigger to let in more light or smaller to restrict light.

Wider apertures have a shallower depth of field, causing blurry foregrounds and backgrounds outside the plane of focus. Smaller apertures expand the focus area to keep more stuff from being blurry, but they let in much less light and are difficult to use in dark environments.

Aperture can be a creative decision or it can be a technical decision or it can be a mix of both. If you need a blurry background, use a wider aperture. If you need everything in focus, use a smaller aperture. If you need more light in a dark scene, open it up.

F-stop

"F-stop" is a number representing how big the aperture is. A lower number is a bigger hole. Higher number is a smaller hole. It is helpful to memorize f-stops as they are not easily divisible. Cameras generally allow third stops, half stops, and full stops.

These are all a "full stop" apart.

Stop Down/Open Up

When someone says to "stop down" a lens, they are telling you to make the aperture smaller or use a higher f-stop number.

If they say to "open up" they are saying to make the hole bigger or lower the f-stop number.

Depth of Field (DoF)

Depth of field refers to how much of the photo is in focus. Things in front of the plane of focus will get blurrier and blurrier and things behind the plane of focus will get blurrier and blurrier. A shallow depth of field means only a tiny sliver of your image will be in focus. A deep depth of field means almost everything will be in focus.

The wider the aperture, the shallower the depth of field.

The smaller the aperture, the deeper the depth of field.

Focal Plane or Plane of Focus

The focal plane is the sharpest point within the depth of field. You can imagine an imaginary section of 3D space where things within the depth of field are sharp and things outside are blurry. The farther away from the focal plane, the blurrier they will get. But the focal plane is not always dead center of the depth of field.

Typically, at close distances, things will be sharp half in front of where you focused and half behind where you focused. As things get farther away, that changes to more 1/3 in front and 2/3 behind. The ratio changes even more at greater distances, but the 50-50 and 1/3-2/3 ratios are typically what photographers try to remember.

Shallow Depth of Field

The focal plane is something you need to be very aware of at close distances with a wide aperture—as the depth of field can end up as a tiny sliver.

Let's say you are only a few feet away from a baby and you have the aperture set at f/1.2. You focus on the nearest baby eye, and then you notice its ears and nose are out of focus.

The plane of focus and shallow depth of field are causing this issue. This might be a worthy compromise if you are in a dark room and your ISO is very high and you are worried about too much noise.

However, if you can use a flash or some kind of lighting, you can stop down your lens and increase that depth of field around the focal plane.

Bokeh

Bokeh is the quality of the blurriness. Some people are more obsessed with how good the blurry parts of the photo are more so than the in focus parts. Bokeh is typically judged by "bokeh balls" which are just out-of-focus lights in the background. While I like attractive bokeh balls as much as the next photographer, I will admit this is one of the sillier aspects of photography.

Field of View (FoV)/Angle of View

This is how much stuff you can fit in frame at a given distance. Wide angle lenses can fit more stuff in at a shorter distance and telephoto lenses can fill the frame with stuff that is farther away. The focal length of the lens determines the field of view. The focal length is designated by millimeters and the field of view by degrees.

Focal Length

Technically, this is "the distance between the lens's optical center and the camera's sensor."

In simpler terms, this is how you determine the field of view of a given lens.

A short focal length, like 10mm, will have a wider field of view. You have to be very close to your subject to fill the frame with them.

And a longer focal length, like 500mm, will allow you to fill the frame with your subject from farther distances.

Typically all lenses are designated by their focal length. If someone says, "Hand me the 50" they mean a 50mm lens.

35mm Equivalent

Not every camera has the same sized sensor. So when we talk about lenses, we need a reference to help us understand how a given lens will behave. A 50mm f/2.8 lens does not have the same field of view or depth of field when placed on different sensors. So, we need a standard for comparison.

The standard that is used is the "full frame" sensor which is roughly the same size as a 35mm piece of film.

Anything smaller is considered a "cropped sensor."

Those cropped sensor cameras have a "crop factor"—a simple multiplier that helps you understand how lenses compare. And when you use this multiplier it tells you the "35mm equivalent."

Confused yet? Yeah, sorry, it would be easier if camera manufacturers chose metrics that didn't change depending on the sensor, but this allows them to make their cameras and lenses seem more impressive in the marketing.

There are two main cropped sensors for ILCs. (Interchangeable lens cameras.) APS-C and Micro Four Thirds. They have a "crop factor" of 1.5x and 2x respectively. The Micro 4/3 sensor is half the size of Full Frame, therefore it has a 2x crop factor. And when you apply this crop factor to the aperture and focal length you can determine how a lens will behave.

For example, a 50mm f/2.8 lens on a micro 4/3 sensor would behave the same as a 100mm f/5.6 lens on a full frame—as 100mm is 2x 50mm and f/5.6 is 2 stops above f/2.8.

As you can see, the Micro 4/3 lens is not going to do as well in low light. The iPhone boasts an aperture of f/1.8 on its main lens, but when you figure out the 35mm equivalent, it's more like an f/8 lens.

I went to all the effort to explain this because it demonstrates that larger sensors allow you to work in cramped spaces with less light. If you want to use a 50mm in a hospital room, you probably can on a full frame. But on a Micro 4/3 you might need to be out in the hall because your lens is acting like it is 100mm. So the Zf would be a good choice in this regard.

Camera Shake

This is the bad kind of blurry. Humans are not tripods, so when you are handholding a lens, you need to make sure your shutter speed is fast enough to freeze the action of your image. Camera shake is very easy to control on wide angle lenses and very difficult to manage with telephoto lenses.

Reciprocal Rule

The reciprocal rule states that in order to get sharp photos without blurry camera shake, you must set your shutter speed to 1 over twice the focal length of your lens. So if you have a 100mm lens, you need to set your shutter speed at 1/200 to be safe.

This rule breaks down at a shutter speed of 1/50 if there is anything moving in your image. So if a dog is running or a car is driving by, it will have a motion trail, but at least it won't be due to your shaky hands.

Image Stabilization

This is a feature some lenses have that helps reduce camera shake. Image stabilization can counteract shaky hands and let you get sharp photos with a much slower shutter speed. Newer cameras have sensor stabilization which does the same thing. And if you pair up a stabilized sensor with a stabilized lens, it is almost as effective as using a tripod.

Stabilization is measured in stops. You might hear a lens has 4 stops of stabilization. That means you can handhold the lens and not get camera shake with a shutter speed 4 stops below the reciprocal rule. So for that 100mm lens, that 1/200 becomes roughly 1/12. And if your sensor has 4 stops, you could handhold a shot for nearly a second without any shake.

However, at shutter speeds that slow, if anything in the frame is moving, they will probably have motion blur. But for still life scenes, or maybe a sleeping baby, this can be very handy if you don't have a tripod with you.

If being able to handhold at lower shutter speeds seems important, then you might want to seek out a lens with stabilization and pair it to a camera with sensor stabilization for maximum stable-osity.

Lens Compression

Lens compression is kind of a myth, but I think we still call it compression because it is easier to explain to beginners than optical physics. The lens doesn't really compress anything, it's actually a matter of distance and the aforementioned physics. But I'm going to go with the easy explanation for now.

Lens compression is a phenomenon seen with different focal lengths. If you take a photo with a 500mm lens, the background will seem to compress with the foreground. Thus objects in the background will seem much larger in size.

This also happens with faces.

Wider lenses exaggerate distance. At 10mm, the lens would only be a few inches away from someone's face.

From the lens's point of view, the ears are several times farther away from the lens than the tip of the nose. So the lens is like, "Your ears are really far away! And far away things are really small, right?" So the lens gives us a big nose and small ears and makes us look a bit alien.

But at 100mm, the lens will be several yards away.

From this perspective, the lens feels like your ears and your nose are nearly the same distance away. And the lens is now like, "Things that are the same distance away do not get bigger or smaller." The lens seems to compress or flatten the face, causing a more flattering appearance in the image.

Minimum focus distance

This is sometimes called the working distance. This is how close you can get to your subject while maintaining focus. If you get too close, your camera will just hunt and freak out perpetually until you back up and it can lock on again. This isn't always advertised prominently for lenses, so you need to make sure the lens will be able to focus in the space you plan to use it.

Extension Tubes

Sometimes called "macro extension tubes." These are spacers you put between your camera and lens to decrease the minimum focus distance. In some cases you can even turn a normal lens into a macro lens. These tubes are able to stack and the more you put on, the more into the macro realm you can go. They come in smart and dumb versions. The dumb ones require you to manual focus whereas the smart ones can still use the autofocus system. I highly recommend the smart ones, as they are not too much more expensive.

Lens Imperfections

There are a few imperfections that can plague all lenses and their quality is sometimes judged by how well they mitigate those imperfections. Here are some of those attributes.

Lens Distortion

As lenses get wider, they allow a larger field of view by accepting light rays that are coming from the side of your lens. Let's look at this image again.

Your lens then has to correct those rays and send them to a square, flat sensor. If you look at the 180 degree fisheye, that entire arc has to be flattened and made square. And as good as optical engineering has become, the wider the lens, the harder it is to keep the image from distorting.

This is typically called "barrel distortion." Minor distortion can actually be corrected in editing software. Every lens has correction algorithms. Though sometimes it is best to embrace the distortion, like on a fisheye lens. Make the distortion a feature and not a bug.

Chromatic Aberration

This is the fancy name for color fringing. This is a defect in the lens that cause false colors to contaminate certain objects in a photo. Typically this happens around dark skinny things against a bright background, such as tree branches.

Modern lenses have nearly eliminated this, except for the super cheap models, but if you do end up with fringing, this can be easily corrected in Lightroom or Photoshop. And many lenses even have that correction built in and all you have to do is check a box.

Sharpness

You might not think of sharpness as an optical flaw, but no lens is perfectly sharp. And the quest to make a perfectly sharp lens involves engineering those optical flaws to a minimum.

A "sharp lens" is one with incredible fidelity. Even zoomed in beyond 100%, sharp lenses will show great detail. If you can't get close to the subject and need to crop your photo later, having a sharp lens can make up for the loss in resolution—as you can upscale without much loss in quality. If you plan to make large high quality prints, a sharp lens will help more than tons of megapixels.

That said, if you truly want to get the most out of a high megapixel camera, a sharp lens comes in handy here too. A smartphone may boast in the marketing as having 200 megapixels, but it has a tiny plastic lens. So even though it technically has 200 megapixels on the sensor, the lens will give it the equivalent of maybe 8-10 megapixels worth of detail. People forget, the lens has a resolution as well, and if the lens cannot resolve 200 megapixels, you aren't going to get a 200 megapixel image.

A sharp lens will allow for more detail than higher megapixels. In some cases you need to double or triple the number of pixels to see an increase in detail. Whereas you can put a super sharp lens on a 12 megapixel camera and blow any smartphone out of the water.

And if you put a sharp lens on a 50 megapixel camera, you can almost see into skin pores.

So... sharp = more detail. And more detail gives you greater cropping power for when you can't get close to babies.

Now, I am obligated to say that some photo nerds chase sharpness as if it is some holy grail. They need the sharpest lens so all of their pixels are perfect at 100% zoom even though no one ever looks at an image that close. There are amazing photos that have been blurry. There are amazing photos taken with 50 year old vintage glass. Sharpness is just another tool. If you need to crop. If you need to upscale. If you need to print large... it is a great help. But nearly every lens made for a modern mirrorless camera is "sharp" to some degree.

So, if you need extra sharpness for certain situations, do your research and find a lens that is sharp as can be. But sharpness should be like 8th on the list of priorities.

Soft Lens

A "soft" lens is how a non-sharp lens is referred to. Most modern optics for mirrorless cameras have some degree of sharposity.

Sharpitude.

Sharp...ness.

So you don't need to worry too much about getting a detrimentally soft lens unless you go super duper budget. This is why I usually recommend people skip the "kit lens" unless they absolutely can't afford anything better.

Though sometimes people purposely get vintage lenses because they don't like sharpness and prefer the "character" of older lenses. The imperfections can achieve a different artistic goal. Though this can also be achieved through lens filters... or Vaseline.

I'm looking at you, Barbara Walters.

Sharpness at the Corners

When I read that in my head just now I said it the same way I do "Panic! at the Disco."

Engineers will prioritize sharpness at the center of the lens since that is where most of the interesting stuff tends to be. But also, the light rays at the center tend to be the most parallel as they head to the sensor, so they don't need as much correction. The rays coming from the sides have to be bent and manipulated to correct for distortion, so keeping things sharp at the corners can be a challenge.

Now, knowing that, and knowing how the aperture works, you can infer that when you stop down your lens and make the hole smaller, all of the light rays are constricted to a smaller area. This makes them easier for your lens to deal with, so if a lens has problems with corner sharpness, you can usually stop down to improve this. So if a lens is soft at the corners at f/1.8, you might be able to go to f/2 or f/4 to get better results.

Vignetting

Vignetting is a circular area of darkness at the perimeter of your photo. This is another side effect caused by the same things as soft corners. When correcting those non-parallel light rays, it causes them to travel an ever so slightly farther distance getting to your sensor. And the inverse square law tells us that light becomes dimmer as it travels longer distances.

This is very easy to correct. Usually your camera has a setting to correct vignetting if you are outputting JPEG files. And if you are shooting RAW photos, your editing software should have a check box to fix the vignetting—usually the same one that fixes chromatic aberration. This is usually called "lens correction" in most menus.

Also, same as with corner sharpness, stopping down your lens will usually fix this optically rather than with software algorithms.

Contrast

Contrast is probably the most important attribute to determine lens quality. Good contrast can make a soft lens look good. But lens contrast is not always consistent. It can get better or worse depending on the lighting in your scene.

The best way to test the contrast of a lens is to take a picture of something that is backlit. A person with the sun behind them is a great indicator. If they have no light on them, the person should fall into inky darkness. But if a lens has poor contrast, they will seem like a faded gray.

Focus Breathing

Focus breathing is a phenomenon where your focal length changes depending on how far away your subject is. It's usually not a big deal and most people don't even notice it, but if you ever do video, it can cause a few headaches. Some people can get annoyed because they feel they aren't getting the advertised focal length on the lens they bought. Like, if you get a 300mm lens and it only goes to 250mm for things super far away, that can be annoying.

This video explains it in detail.

Lens Types

Prime Lens

A "prime lens" has a fixed focal length and cannot be zoomed. Typically prime lenses are "faster" (wider max aperture) and sharper. Weirdly they can be very inexpensive or the most expensive. They can be extremely lightweight or weigh a ton. And if you want the sharpest lens possible or the fastest lens possible or both, it will be expensive and heavy.

Having at least one fast prime is usually recommended for any professional photographer.

Zoom Lens

A "zoom lens" allows you to zoom. Obviously. But there are few that go below an aperture of f/2.8, so less light gathering and you sacrifice a bit of sharpness. However, if you don't know how much space you will have to work with, the flexibility of a zoom can be invaluable.

Be warned, while a cheap prime lens can still take fairly good photos, cheap zooms are usually pretty terrible. There are plenty of reasonably priced zoom lenses to choose from, but if the price seems too good to be true, I would trust that intinct.

Wide Angle Lens

A "wide angle lens" is any focal length below 35mm. Wider focal lengths allow you to get more stuff in the photo at shorter distances. A theme you might notice with photography is that every benefit has a compromise or consequence to go with it. Wide angle lenses are wonderful if you are in a cramped space. They also make it easy to keep everything in focus. But as you go wider, distances become exaggerated and barrel distortion becomes more pronounced and harder to correct.

Things that are close to the lens seem huge and things farther away seem tiny. One trick to remember is things in the center of the frame will be less affected by distortion. Something to take into account when taking those smartphone selfies.

If you look, the ball looks huge in frame because it was only a few inches from the lens. Otis was literally smaller in frame than the ball despite only being about 2 feet away. However, he doesn't look all stretchy like the ball because he is centered.

Standard Lens

A "standard" or "normal lens" represents about the same field of view as the human eye. Generally around 40mm to 55mm on a full frame camera (there is some debate on this, but close enough). This is right about where you can take pictures of faces without the unflattering side effects of wide angle.

Telephoto Lens

A "telephoto lens" allows you to stand farther away and still fill the frame with your subject. Usually lenses 200mm and above are considered telephoto. These are often heavy and expensive.

Specialty Lenses

Ultrawide

This is just an extremely wide angle lens. At this point, you just except the massive amounts of distortion and embrace it. These lenses are extremely fun.

Medium Telephoto

These are sometimes called "portrait" lenses as well. They are a little more tele than standard and not quite tele enough for long distance photography. Usually in the 70-200mm range. This is the focal range that allows you to still be close to your subject but you are far enough away to get extra flattering lens compression on faces.

Superzoom Lens

A "superzoom" has an extremely large focal range. It can go from very wide to very telephoto. These are usually not wonderful lenses, although they have improved on mirrorless cameras in recent years. There are a few that could even be used professionally now. But most are just a huge mediocre compromise for vacation pix.

The cheap ones aren't fast, they aren't sharp, and every time you zoom people think your camera is having an erection.

If you are traveling and you have no idea what you might be photographing and carrying around a bunch of lenses is impractical, these have utility. But the larger the focal range, the more mediocre they get. Typically if the zoom range exceeds ~150mm you will start noticing that mediocrity. So a 70-200mm can be fantastic. But an 18-300mm will be very mid.

Macro

A macro lens is any lens that has 1x or more magnification. 1x magnification is a designation that relates the sensor size to how much of the subject fills the frame of your image. For 1x, that ratio should be 1:1.

So if you imagine a quarter lying on top of an image sensor, that's how big the quarter should be in your photo. 2x magnification would be like if a quarter doubled in size and you laid it on top of the image sensor. And so on.

Beware of lenses claiming to be macro and really only having a short working distance. 0.5x is not macro, but is sometimes advertised as so.

Tilt Shift Lens

This is a very niche lens. Most people know of it from the photos that make everyone look like they are in a miniature land.

For every other lens, the focal plane is perpendicular. If you move the camera at an angle, the focal plane will match that movement. So what the tilt shift lens allows you to do is angle the focal plane so your depth of field goes in bonkers directions.

Product photographers love this because you can take a photo of an array of products from a 45 degree angle and keep everything in focus.

This image would be impossible to maintain complete focus of all the objects without a tilt shift lens.

In this example, without tilting the lens, the tip of the multitool is out of focus.

And now you can see the camera hasn't moved, but the lens is at a steeper angle. And you'll also notice the entire tool is in focus.

But wait, there's more! Did you forget about the shifting? Architectual photographers can use the shift function of the lens to correct perspective distortion and keep buildings looking straight.

Will this lens help in the photographing of infants?

Probably not.

But I bet you thought it was cool and are glad I included it.

Recommended Essential Lenses

I didn't know what to call this section. These are just the collection of lenses most photographers will try to acquire as they build out their kit.

Nifty Fifty

This is probably the first lens everyone should buy. Almost every brand has their own version. It is an inexpensive 50mm lens with a sub f/2 aperture. Canon's Nifty Fifty or "Plastic Fantastic" is probably the most famous example. It is only $125 and has an f/1.8 aperture.

This lens may not be the sharpest and it might have a lot of plastic-y, cheap feeling parts, but it is a wonderful way to get started with photography. You can use the wide aperture to experiment with bokeh and shallow depth of field. And the 50mm focal length is probably one of the most versatile. Not too wide, so people look normal, and not too tele, so you aren't a mile away from your subjects.

The Holy Trinity

The "Holy Trinity" is meant to describe the 3 lenses that can handle nearly every photographic task while maintaining professional quality results. Typically these lenses are all f/2.8 and are high quality zoom lenses. The 16-35mm, the 24-70mm, and the 70-200mm.

Most photographers can accomplish just about any task with these lenses in their bag.

Froggie's Holy Hexagon

That said, if I had an unlimited budget I would actually have 6 lenses to cover everything. Beyond the Holy Trinity, I would get a fast prime, an ultrawide, and a macro lens.

A fast prime can see in the dark and has more background blur. The nifty fifty would work great for this.

An ultrawide is one of the most fun lenses you will ever use, even if it distorts everything to a crazy degree and isn't useful very often. It is great for breaking you out of photographic ruts and can really get the creative juices flowing.

And a macro lens is not just useful for making tiny things big. It also allows you to focus at any distance. Sometimes you just need to get a tad bit closer than your other lenses will allow. Macro lenses are also pretty great portrait lenses and can serve multiple functions.

And if anyone is interested in sports or wildlife photos, a nice telephoto lens might be a seventh lens to consider.

I think that is the end of part 1.

I hope this was helpful. And I look forward to posting part 2 soon.

[getvalentined]

Actually while I'm on it, I wanna talk about the dichotomy between Genesis and Angeal. I'm not censoring names in this one because I'm not worried about it being read as character bashing, but it's a topic that I think is super interesting but I never see discussed outside the perception that they represent the dichotomy of good versus evil.

The dichotomy between these two is not and has never been good versus evil. Angeal having a white wing or insisting that he's honorable does not make him good, particularly when his idea of "honor" includes never asking anyone for help and forcing people that love him to do horrific things so he doesn't have to keep living as he really is. Conversely, Genesis having a black wing and referring to himself as a monster doesn't make him evil, particularly when everything he does in the actual storyline is an attempt to save himself (and his men), or at least make sure that Shinra falls far enough that it can't do this to anyone else.

That said, Angeal and Genesis are on opposite sides, just not in the way you most people assume.

Angeal is all about appearances, expectations, worthiness. He's never let go in his life, he was brought up in a poor household where he was presumably heaped with expectations and responsibilities by parents who were unable to properly care for him, and this led him to developing some extremely rigid and maladaptive ideologies. His concept of "honor" is probably the biggest one; we can see how he picked this up from Gillian pretty clearly in how she refers to the Buster Sword, and how we know she continually turned down Shinra's hush money and then never told the truth anyway.

Angeal sees "honor" as doing everything yourself, forever, the exact way that you were told. "Honor" is working yourself to death, it's not admitting when you're in over your head, it's accepting the worst situations as necessary even if they could be changed with the participation or contribution of someone else. It's dishonorable to ask for help. It's dishonorable to stop when there's still work to do. It's dishonorable to be indebted to anyone, even if the process of paying off a debt will kill you. It's better to die than to be dishonorable. He is his mother's son in every way.

By contrast, Genesis is all about independence, equality, justice. We can also see this in what we know of his background—Genesis was the brilliant son of a wealthy family, he gave Banora global brand recognition, his work with Banora White juice literally changed the entire face of his homeland's economy forever. He did this on his own. He figured this out because he wanted to share something with someone he admired, and he knew that the only way to make it worth something was to do it himself. However, where Genesis is independent, he's more than capable of asking for help, and he does over and over through the course of the game. Independence isn't about cutting yourself off from your community, it's about doing things in the way that works best for you, regardless of others' opinions.

Genesis' biggest issue is his concept of "justice," because it wheels pretty often into vengeance. At the end of the day he has three goals: survive, get Sephiroth out of Shinra, and make sure that the company can never do to anyone else what it did to him. He tries to ensure this by carving his way through anyone he feels stands between him and those goals, because Shinra deserves what he's doing and anyone who thinks otherwise is unjust. He's not self-centered, per se, but he has no empathy for anyone he doesn't personally care about, and it makes him seem cruel in a way that is entirely unnecessary.

It's pretty clear by the end that he's not intentionally cruel, just like he probably doesn't lack empathy by choice—but he does clearly struggle with empathy, and he clearly doesn't understand why anyone is angry with him when he knows he's right. He tells the truth without understanding that not everyone wants it. He can't conceptualize why someone wouldn't want to know.

Genesis' biggest problem is that he can't tell the difference between justice that strengthens the world around him and the people under his care, and vengeance meant to pay back the people and institutions that led him here in the first place.

The dichotomy in Project G was never good versus evil, it's external validation versus internal validation. Angeal needs the world to see him as right, while Genesis needs the world to back off and allow him to do things the way he already "knows" is right. The majority of Genesis' story takes place in his own head, and it's a broken narrative for reasons unrelated to the literal rotting; he knows what he's doing, he's methodical and clear in his actions, and he doesn't understand why people that know the truth don't agree with him. Angeal's, meanwhile, takes place primarily through Zack's eyes, because the opinions of others are what matter to him, and if he can't figure out how to make those eyes see exactly what he wants then he can't bear to be seen at all.

Basically Genesis is autistic, Angeal has OCPD, and Shinra has no concept of mental health care. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

[minty-muse]

Ok but one of the things that people miss is that Rika is basically the reincarnation of Hanyuu's actual daughter. And that makes her a bit more nuanced than what some people take away from her character. It's always "Hanyuu is selfish and only kept Rika in the loops because she was lonely." I know it's outright stated at some point. But I feel like that's a very surface-level take, if you can't get anything else from their relationship.

Of course she'll be sad when Rika's gone. They've been physically and emotionally connected since she was a baby. She basically raised her. She knows her better than her real parents. They're literally inseparable. Not to mention, Rika is the spitting image of her real daughter. It's literally her chance to start over as a mother, without the guilt of the burden she placed on Ouka.

And although Hanyuu loves Rika, it's only natural that after being together for so long, she would be terrified of going back to being a single entity. Their existences have been intertwined for so long that the thought of being apart-of being independent- is terrifying.

And I'd go so far as to say that Rika feels the same. Hanyuu does get on her nerves, but she's relied on her for so long that the thought of losing her isn't even something that crosses her mind. Because Hanyuu has always been there. She'll always be there. Hanyuu is the only person who understands her grief on a personal level. She's the only person she's shared her pain with for all those years.

Rika is Hanyuu's daughter. Hanyuu took on the burden of raising a child who wasn't her own and in doing so ended up in the position of a mother who would do anything to ensure her daughter lives a happy life. Especially after she loses the ability to send Rika back far enough to even attempt to save her parents. At that point it isn't just a desire to protect Rika, but a responsibility. The responsibility she must bear for selfishly touching the world of man and choosing to adopt a child who wasn't hers to begin with.

Sure, she places the burden of having to live through endless suffering on Rika. But at the end of the day she only wants Rika to live. She wants to see her reach her happy ending. Being lonely is just an excuse, so she doesn't have to divulge into the deep-rooted guilt she associates with her powers. Her powers are what got Rika into this mess. They're the reason Rika will never eat dinner with her family again. The reason Rika began to reject her real mother and sabotage any semblance of a good relationship she had with her. And even if Hanyuu isn't the direct cause for that, she probably still blames herself for it, as someone who meant to keep Rika safe.

She can't let Rika go until she knows for sure that she'll be fine without her. Even if she doesn't really believe it will ever happen. She needs an excuse to hold on. Because the thought of letting Rika die for real without doing everything she can to prevent it is too much to bear. Maybe Rika resents her for it. But Hanyuu is fine with that. So long as her daughter survives.

One thing I can't wrap my head around is that, if Hanyuu really truly didn't want Rika to be free, then why did she decide to put her feelings aside and fight with her in the final hour anyway? Why did she decide they'd succeed and attain happiness together when she could have easily kept Rika trapped forever and prevented her from ever accessing the final fragment? And then she leaves after Saikoroshi/Sotsu/Meguri anyway once she believes it's time for Rika to be independent. She lets go willingly despite the uncertainty, because she thinks that's what's best for Rika's development and she wants her to be able to move forward and live the normal life that was robbed from her so long. So sorry. but I can't see Hanyuu as just some irredeemable bitch who only wants Rika to suffer.

I get making the Umineko connections with Featherine and trying to come up with an explanation for how everything ties together between the connected universes is fun but this one just doesn't sit right with me.

[morningberriesao3]

MWMD - Hold Me Close

Steve Harrington X Virgin!Eddie Munson

Summary: Steve can't keep living on Wayne’s couch. So Eddie makes him an offer.

Word Count: 4K

Chapter: 3 of 6 CHAPTER LIST

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

Content Warnings: Explicit m/m sexual content including… Virgin Eddie Munson, Dry Humping, Coming Untouched, Coming in Pants, Minor Crossdressing (ahem, EDDIE WEARS A G-STRING), Oh no they’re both tops?! what will they do!!?!, Top Steve Harrington, Power Bottom Eddie Munson, Blow Jobs, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Nipple Clamps, Under-Negotiated Kink, Unsafe Sex, Creampie. Underage Drinking and Recreational Drug Use.

Tags: Eddie Munson lives, 5 + 1 Things, slow burn, POV Eddie Munson, Gay Eddie Munson, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Slow Burn, Sexual Tension, Caretaking, Massages, Sharing a Bed, House Party, Play Flighting, Bros Being Bros (JK it’s very homoerotic), Halloween, Boys in Makeup, Independence Day, New Years Eve, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending

Many Ways, Many Days, to Say ‘I Love You’

MAY 18th, 1986

Steve continues to walk around the trailer with a pained look on his face, stretching and popping his back, kneading at it with his fingers, swallowing Tylenol with his morning coffee. And he continues to refuse to go back home to his own bed.

“Seriously, Munson. Not another peep from you.”

Eddie has been trying for the last half hour to convince Steve that he’ll survive overnight on his own. He’s rarely in pain anymore and he has some pretty good drugs from the doctor that he can pop if it becomes too much (although he’s been frugal, storing most of them in his little metal drug box because prescription pain meds can go for like, five bucks a pill).

“Your back has been fucked up for days, man.” Eddie puts his hands on his hips and briefly thinks about how he’s been spending so much time with Steve that he’s now adopting his mannerisms. He switches to crossing his arms over his chest instead. “You’re literally in worse shape than me now. Go home.”

Steve sighs, shrugging his vest for Family Video on overtop of a pink polo. He kind of looks like a lollipop that Eddie wants to lick. “Can I level with you, dude?”

Eddie isn’t expecting the look he receives from Steve. Up through his lashes, soft, maybe a bit embarrassed. Definitely a little timid. Eddie nods.

“I don’t really want to go home.” Steve watches as Eddie takes in the information. He furrows his brows a bit, because who wouldn’t want to go back to a four-bedroom, two-level, mini-mansion with a swimming pool, to slum it on the ancient couch inside of a cramped trailer? “I know it’s like, a lot to ask. If I can stay here. I just – this feels like home. More than my place ever did.”

Eddie gapes at him.

“But I can leave if you want me to. I know this was supposed to be – um – temporary.”

“No,” he says slowly, squinting his eyes at Harrington like he has fine print written on his face that might give Eddie more insight. “You’re telling me you want to be here, and not at your place? Not just to like, take care of me?”

Steve nods, chewing on his lip on one side.

“Why?”

Steve raises his shoulders and lets them drop back down. “I don’t get along with my parents.”

“Shit, really?”

Eddie knows all about that. He left the home he used to live in with his folks to move in with uncle Wayne. Of course, it was because they had figured out that Eddie was gay when they saw him kiss another boy on the cheek on Valentines Day. God forbid. Eddie didn’t know it was wrong at the time, but he sure figured it out pretty quickly when his parents shamed him about it everyday for the next year. He was sure Steve would never have to deal with that, but yeah, he knows what it’s like to have shitty parents.

Steve just kind of shrugs it off, like he’s marinated with the idea for long enough that it no longer phases him. “Yeah. But, like I said, I don’t want to be a nuisance or anything.”

“You’re not a nuisance.” Eddie feels kind of bad, if he made Steve feel unwelcome by trying to get him to go home. He just assumed that he’d want to leave and was taking pity on Eddie by staying. But who was he to say no if Steve liked it better in the trailer? “You can stay as long as you want, man. Wayne likes you here. This place has never been in better shape.”

It’s true. Steve has made it a bit of a routine – cleaning and patching holes and painting on his days off. Things that neither Eddie nor Wayne cared about or were capable of fixing. It was another thing that Eddie just assumed was pity, but he’s starting to learn that maybe it’s coming from a different place entirely.

Steve perks up, a bashful smile playing on his beautifully full lips.

Shit, not that Eddie is like, staring at them or anything.

“Yeah?” he asks, nudging Eddie a little too hard in the arm with his fist. Ex jock. Underestimates his own strength. “Like roommates for real?”

Eddie subtly rubs his upper arm. “Like roommates for real. On one condition.”

The excited expression wipes away from Steve’s face and is replaced by one of skepticism. “And what is that condition?”

“You take the bed.”

“No,” says Steve simply, quickly, shaking his head and grabbing his keys from the counter where he leaves them. “Nope. Nadda. Not a chance in Hell.”

“Harrington!” The trailer door swings open and slams shut behind Steve’s ridiculous (perfect) mousy brown hair before Eddie can even get a word in. He runs to unlatch the door, fumbling down the steps and onto the sharp gravel where he dances around on bare feet. “If you say no you have to go home!”

It’s an empty threat. Eddie would never kick Steve out – make him go back to his parents that he obviously doesn’t like – even if he wanted to couch-surf for the rest of his life. But Steve doesn’t need to know that.

“Well, that’s not happening,” Steve says, rounding the curve of the driveway to his shiny BMW, which sticks out like a sore thumb next to Eddie’s rust bucket that he calls a van. “I’m still a guest and I refuse to kick you out of your own goddamn bed. So I guess I’m going home.”

Eddie bristles. “For fuck’s sake, dude. What’s it gonna take?”

“You could offer me all the money in the world –” which Eddie finds hilarious because Steve already has it, “– and I still wouldn’t kick you out of your bed, Munson.” Steve folds himself into the driver’s seat of his car, turning the ignition and cranking the window down to smile up at Eddie. “Should I move out tonight, or do I have a grace period?”

Eddie knows that Steve is playing along. They are both stubborn in their own way, so arguing will probably be counterproductive. Perhaps a compromise is better.

“What if we share?”

The offer slips past his lips before he realises that – fuck – that’s really weird. He only has a double bed, which means there’s not much room. And even if there was – even if he had one of those California Kings that he’s only seen in magazines – guys don’t just share beds platonically.

He opens his mouth to retract his offer, or maybe, somehow, turn it into a joke.

But Steve always has a way of surprising Eddie. Of making him nervous beyond compare. Of making him regret the things he says, and in this case, offers.

“Yeah, okay,” he says easily like it’s the most normal suggestion he’s ever heard. It makes Eddie’s eyes bug out from his face. “I want the side closest to the door.”

Steve’s window is rolled up and his car is backing from the driveway before Eddie’s coherent enough to form a response. Mostly because he never in a million years imagined himself sharing a bed with Steve Harrington (well, he imagined it, but he never thought it would come to fruition). Partly because, perfect, he likes the side closest to the window anyway.

It’s almost alarming how quickly Steve accepted the offer. No rebuttal. No counteroffers. Just a simple yes.

It’s enough to cloud Eddie’s mind with questions like ‘what does that mean?’ and ‘what did I just do?’ as he frantically strips his bed and washes the sheets and the blankets. He even puts the fluffiest pillow on Steve’s side (oh God, Steve has a side), because he’s nice like that. Also because the flatter pillow is about a decade old and Eddie doesn’t want Steve’s face pressed into the place he’s been drooling his whole life while he’s trying to sleep.

Well, fuck, maybe he does?

Steve only has a five-hour shift, and Eddie spends the entire time cleaning his mess nervously, like Steve hadn’t been in his room that very morning, wading through the piles of both dirty and clean laundry on the floor. He clears out the top shelf of his dresser because Steve has been living out of a suitcase and it was about time that ended.

It all feels very domestic. And a little embarrassing, because he didn’t think the first time he moved into a single bedroom with someone he’d still be under the same roof as uncle Wayne.

None of that really matters though, because Steve and Eddie will only be sharing a bed in the most innocent sense of the phrase. There will be no canoodling. It’s kind of sad, but it’s the only fact that keeps Eddie from having an actual panic attack.

Two bros, sharing a bed. As they do.

Maybe it would be easier if Steve had never seen Eddie naked. If his fingers had never grazed Eddie’s junk. Maybe it would be easier if Eddie hadn’t been squeezing the shit out of the soft flesh that covers Steve’s hips just a few days ago. If he didn’t explicitly remember exactly what that felt like. Maybe it would be easier if he hasn’t gotten into the habit of panting Steve’s name right before he comes, in the very bed they’ll now be sharing.

For actual, literal, Christ’s sake.

He just hopes that he doesn’t do something stupid in his sleep, like try to make out with him or something. If that’s even something people accidently do in their sleep.

Every thought Eddie has ever had leaves his head when he hears the slam of Steve’s car door outside of the trailer. It’s impossible that it’s been five hours, but when he looks at his alarm clock, he’s proven wrong.

He can’t help but wonder if maybe it’s all too much – that it’s weird he cleared out part of his dresser and made up the bed as nice as he could manage. But there was no going back now.

“Hey, man,” Steve says as he swings open the trailer door like he really does consider it home. “What’s that smell?”

Oh, another thing. Eddie sprayed his room down with lavender fabric refresher. It’s supposed to help you sleep, and Eddie feels like he might need all the help he can get in that department. Maybe then he won’t stay up to stare at Steve all curled up next to him.

“Nothing. Uh, just laundry detergent.” It’s kind of the truth, so it works. “How was work?”

“You know, stressful as always. Rewinding people’s returns is really taxing stuff.”

“So I hear. I don’t know how you manage, day in and day out and day in…” Eddie drones on dramatically. “That’s why I’m – what do they call it? – an entrepreneur. Totally self employed, baby. Short hours, all profit –”

Steve snorts as he unpeels his banana. “Yeah. You’re rolling in the dough.”

“I do well for myself!” Eddie snaps, mocking offense. “Plus, I don’t have to pay taxes on my income.”

“And that’s not even the most illegal part about it.” Steve cocks an eyebrow.

“C’mon, Harrington, live on the edge a little bit. I’m sure Mr. Reagan will live without my yearly input of fifty dollars and ninety-two cents.”

“Stick it to the man!” Steve shouts, jabbing his banana in the air and twisting it like a knife. It’s actually kind of hot. “Right?”

“You’re learning,” Eddie says, trying to hide the fact that he’s flustered over fruit weapons. Steve could wield anything and it would be attractive. Like a frying pan, or a brass candelabra. But using his bare hands (and teeth) in the Upside Down was arguably the hottest thing Eddie had ever seen. It was that moment that really sealed the deal for him. When his crush from junior year turned into something a bit more… real.

“So, I was thinking,” Steve starts, rustling through a bag that Eddie hadn’t even noticed he’d carried in. He pulls out a VHS tape – “Critters. It looks dumb but I think you’d like it.”

He inspects the front cover, littered with little monsters with sharp teeth and bold, red lettering for the title. “That’s kind of insulting.”

“You like dumb movies.” Steve shrugs. “Like Labyrinth, and Rocky Horror –”

“Do not slander Tim Curry!” This time, Eddie’s offense is a little bit more genuine. “He’s sacred and I will not stand for it in this house.”

“Whatever.” Steve rolls his eyes. “Anyway. I thought we could watch this really amazing looking movie, and order in Chinese or pizza or something?”

Eddie pretends to think about it for a minute. “Did you bring snacks?”

The bag rustles again as Steve does more digging. He holds out a couple packages of candy. “Twizzlers and M&Ms.”

“Popcorn?”

“There’s already some in the cupboard.”

“Hmm.” Eddie scratches his chin. Steve rolls his eyes, waiting patiently for Eddie’s obvious answer. “You got yourself a deal.”

“Cool,” Steve says, heading to Eddie’s (their?) bedroom. “Wow, dude. You can see your floor.”

Eddie blushes and shrugs it off as coolly as he can manage.  

Steve turns to him, pointing to the badly made bed. “You didn’t have to do all this for me.”

It’s not shocking to Eddie how obvious it was that he dejunked because of their earlier conversation. He kind of wishes there was a little bit more mystery in it, but he probably hasn’t tidied since 1984, so why else would he have done it today? “It needed to be cleaned anyway.”

‘Cleaned’ is a very loose term for what Eddie did, but at least it’s leaps and bounds better than it was when he woke up.

“It looks good.” Steve throws himself onto the bed that he’ll be sleeping on tonight (with Eddie, oh my God). He kind of rolls to the centre of it where it’s sunken. It’s an old mattress. “Smells good, too. Lavender?”

“Yeah.” Eddie chews on his lip, staring at how big Steve looks on the double mattress. All sprawled and consuming. He wonders how they’ll both fit on there, and it dawns on him just how close they’ll have to be.

Not that he minds, like, at all.

“That’s why,” Steve says in a way that makes it seem like he’s answering a question he’s asked in his head a million times. Internal and without explanation. It makes Eddie a bit nervous, like maybe he should be embarrassed about something if Steve’s been thinking about it.

“That’s why, what?”

“Why you always smell like lavender,” he explains, tucking his arms behind his head. “I always thought it was an oil or something, but I never saw one in the bathroom. But it’s just your bed.”

“I smell like lavender?”

“Yeah. When you don’t reek of pot and menthols.”

And the warm feeling that Eddie was experiencing is gone.

“Shut up,” he says, kicking at Steve’s foot that’s hanging from the end of the bed. “Are we watching the movie or not?”

That’s exactly what they do, popping popcorn and tossing it in a ridiculous amount of melted butter and salt. Eddie holds the bowl in his lap and each time Steve reaches over for a handful he can’t help but let his mind wander a little bit. Not that he’s a pervert or anything. It’s just been a really long time since another guy has been reaching into his lap for any reason. A really long time, as in a couple of years, and even then it was just the once.

They pause the movie halfway through when the food is delivered, which is fine because the movie is shit. But Steve’s right, it’s shit in the way that Eddie loves. The way where he’s laughing instead of jumping at the scenes that are meant to be scary.

Either way, he’s smiling by the time the credits roll and so is Steve.

“It was like Gremlins, but less scary.”

“Less scary?” Eddie asks. “You find Gremlins scary?”

“They’re pretty scary, dude.” Steve gets up from the couch and stretches, exposing a strip of skin that Eddie definitely doesn’t stare at. “Why do you think I call the kids gremlins? Terrifying.”

Eddie snorts at that, pointedly making eye contact instead of letting them drop lower (again). “Those brats are worse than any horror movie.”

“You’re telling me,” says Steve, picking up the empty dishes from the coffee table and carrying them the short distance to the sink. He washes them quickly, then dries them, and places them back into the cupboard where they belong. If it had been Eddie, they would have been left in the sink until the morning, or maybe until the next afternoon. If Steve stays much longer, Wayne is going to expect Eddie to start upping his game. “Bedtime?”

Eddie checks his watch and it’s only just past 9pm. But Steve looks at him so expectantly that he finds himself nodding. And truthfully, there are way worse things that laying next to Steve in his bed before he falls asleep.

They do their normal routine, brushing their teeth and their hair. Steve uses a fancy cleanser on his skin that he forced Eddie to never tell anyone about (“I have skin problems if I don’t use it, okay?”), and Eddie just uses a bar of glycerine soap. The cheapest kind from the general store. Maybe that’s why Eddie still gets pimples on his chin at the ripe age of twenty.

When they get to Eddie’s room, he can’t help but stand awkwardly and wonder what the hell he’s supposed to wear to bed. He’s usually a boxers only type of guy, but Steve has always worn sweats and a t-shirt when he’s sleeping on the couch. Eddie doesn’t even own sweatpants, but he might have a pair of PJ pants that he got from Uncle Wayne one Christmas shoved to the back of one of his drawers. They have a pattern of little frogs playing guitars and that’s just fucking embarrassing to wear in front of a guy like Steve Harrington.

He doesn’t have to wonder for long, because Steve starts stripping himself down to a single layer. Eddie averts his eyes as heat radiates into his chest and cheeks. Maybe now it would be extra weird if he just wore his boxers to bed. Since, like, Steve was already doing it.

“It’s nice to finally ditch those sweatpants,” Steve says, kicking his jeans ungracefully from one of his feet. “It gets unbearably hot at night.”

“Yeah. I mean, you could have – you didn’t have to –” Eddie struggles to find the right words. “No one would have blamed you for ditching them, man.”

“I know. It would just be a little awkward to have my junk almost out in front of your uncle.” Steve points to his crotch as if Eddie doesn’t know what he’s talking about. And when he does, Eddie’s eyes flick downwards.

Who can blame him? Steve just drew attention to it.

And yeah, his dick is clothed, but he’s only wearing these tiny tighty-whities that really leave, like, zero up to the imagination. Eddie can see the angle that Steve’s dick is resting at in his briefs. And he can tell that he’s – well – he’s circumcised. And even though Steve’s dick is soft, it’s um. Ample. Thick. And – and…

Jesus Christ.

Steve crawls into Eddie’s bed – the side closest to the door, with the fluffy pillow. “You good?”

Eddie’s brain is moving about as fast as a sloth in sand – meaning not very fast at all. So he says, “Act cool,” aloud, because that’s what he’s thinking. And then he smacks his palm to his forehead and says, “I mean, I’m cool. I’m all good,” like that might fix his blunder, even though it very much does not.

“Well, cool.” Steve says, smiling. “Are you gonna stand there all night, or are you coming to bed?” He pats the comforter next to him.

Eddie squeaks a noise that really doesn’t sound like him at all. He resents his vocal chords for betraying him at a time like this. He strips down to his boxers and is really thankful that they’re a lot looser than Steve’s briefs. Because he’s slightly chubbed, and Steve had seen his dick enough times that he’d know.

He crawls into the sheets, trying to keep a healthy distance between him and Steve. But Steve is fucking manspreading onto Eddie’s half of the mattress, so his thigh and shoulder ends up pressed against Steve’s skin anyway.

It’s not helping his little situation. His dick kicks up disobediently. Thank fuck Eddie is under the cover of a blanket.

“Geez, man. Move over,” he says, not because he doesn’t like it, but because he likes it a little too much.

“I can’t help it!” Steve wiggles a couple of inches away, but not enough to stop himself from touching Eddie. “Your bed is small, Munson.”

“Would you prefer a king-sized mattress for the king himself? I’m sorry you must reduce yourself to a double, my liege. How will you survive?”

“Shut up, man.” Steve smacks Eddie. Eddie smacks Steve right back, a little harder. “Ouch! It doesn’t matter anyway. I can’t control where I end up once I’m sleeping.”

Eddie narrows his eyes. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I’m a cuddler.”

“You’re telling me that now?” Eddie pretends to be horrified, even though the thought of being cuddled up next to Steve is admittedly wonderful. “That’s it. I’m retracting your invitation.”

“Too late. Are you big spoon or little spoon?” Steve asks, but before Eddie has the chance to respond (which would have been a load of bullshit, because how is he supposed to know when he’s never been cuddled?), he says, “Doesn’t matter. I’m always big spoon.”

“Does that mean I’m gonna wake up to you plastered on my back?”

Steve shrugs, making the sheets under Eddie’s ear crinkle. “Better get used to the idea now.”

They banter back and forth like that for about an hour before Steve’s eyes get heavy and he finally gets consumed by sleep. Eddie stays awake for another couple after that, reading a few chapters from Return of the King (for the nineteenth time).

He only wakes up once that night, and lo and behold, Steve is wrapped around him like a koala bear. Only Eddie isn’t facing away from him – they are chest to chest. Nose to nose. More importantly, they are dick to dick. One of Steve’s legs is hiked up on top of Eddie’s, which is lodged between Steve’s thighs. Steve is pinning him down with an arm securely circled around Eddie’s shoulders. Their goddamn noses are touching. Steve is breathing into Eddie’s mouth, and it takes everything inside Eddie to refrain from sticking his tongue out to taste Steve’s lips.

But Eddie would like to reiterate that he is not a pervert.

Instead, he readjusts the best that he can (because he definitely has a boner that is definitely pressed up underneath Steve’s cock). It doesn’t help much, so he tries his hardest to keep still. Because each brush of Steve against his dick, however light, sends a thrill into his core that makes him impossibly harder than he was a minute ago. And if Steve wakes up, if Steve feels Eddie pressed into him, nearly nestled between his glorious thighs…

So Eddie practices mindful breathing. He lets himself fall back asleep after twenty excruciating minutes, still with an erection that he can’t force away. Because really, it would be rude to move out of Steve’s grasp and wake him up from such a peaceful looking slumber.

And if waking up like that becomes another strange habit over the following days – weeks – Eddie isn’t going to mention it. Of course he’s not.

Because neither is Steve.

NEXT CHAPTER

MASTERLIST

SOCIALS

[not-goldy]

The utter relief and appreciation on jimin’s face when hobi/yoongi showed up while he was doing those shows will always get to me🥲 poor baby was literally shaking. I’m so glad hobi was around during face era. Jimin needs a friend like him who would show up to these important moments in his life. Yes the members show their love and support differently but being physically present for a member is how jimin shows his support so obviously when someone does the same for him you could see how appreciative he is. Idk why I’m sending this lol. Anyways I’m sure he would’ve attended if he was free!

Hmmmmmmmm

Points have been made.

This conversation is much nuanced and complex than we are treating it. But let's just keep it simple for now:

We love the way we want to be loved. True- but wouldn't that suppose Jungkook is loving these people the way he wants to be loved too?💀

He is giving less and involving himself less perhaps because he wants less involvement in his life as well????

Recently my gf and I came to the realization that we both have different needs and different understanding of what it means to love and be be loved.

We've been trying to work things out but one thing I uncovered is, a person who's experienced so much control, overprotectiveness and emotional manipulation growing up tends to shy away and view love expressions as smothering attempts to manipulate and control them.

As such, they value independence in relationship, less emotional involvement and freedom to do as they please and to them that would be fulfilling.

While, persons like me who experienced parental neglect and abandonment growing up crave nothing but closeness and perhaps excessive emotional intimacy.

Thus I value communication more than anything, I value emotional closeness, consistency, transparency stability and assurance I won't be abandoned.

We are all aying out our traumas and trying to heal them in ways we've come to understand as love requirements.

To the person who's controlled and overproted all his life love feels like setting them free, allowing them to be their own persons, not telling them what to do with their lives, respecting their space and privacy. They understand this as love because it's all they craved and told themselves one who loves them would do for them.

Others think the opposite- if you love me you won't want to stay so far away, you will be close, you won't neglect me.

We all have different emotional needs. Each of which is valid.

Jimin and Jungkook have unique emotional needs. It doesn't make one an asshole and the other a victim.

Jimin may be construing his acts of showing up for people, being loyal, and expressive as love because sure that's what he might want or need too.

And I know Jungkook loooooves this about him- but I also think it gets too much for him. You can't keep pouring into a cup that's full.

Love is understanding what your partner needs and fulfilling that for them. You don't charge into their lives like a wrecking ball.

And we want good men- Hobi and Jimin do posture as good men.... ideal even.

It would be so easy to ship them if they had the hots for eachother no?

I think Hobi is equally hot 🥵

We sleep on him in this Fandom

Physical support breeds a sense of security and safety .

Unfortunately if that is not your love language it might mean absolutely nothing to you.

Perhaps let's pay more attention to the way Jimin feels loved by Jungkook rather than the ways we think he ought to be loved.

Cos Jimin must be a real masochist to keep Jungkook on a pedestal if that man is nothing but shitty towards him. I mean how damaged is that!

[bellofthemeadow]

Summer of '03 | Joel Miller x Female Reader

Series Masterlist

Rating: M for Mature (18 + no minors allowed)

Word Count: 2.8K

Warning: All warnings on the Series Masterlists, will update if necessary (Re-iterating, no minors allowed! Thank you)

Chapter Summary: You finally arrive in Texas, a world so different from your home in New York. You find that living next door is a man who confuses you. You can't figure out if he's just a stereotipically angry Redneck or the man of your dreams. Ah well, you've got the summer to figure the puzzle that is Joel Miller.

Notes: Hello everyone, welcome to my new story :D This one is going to be quite different from my last story as I am delving into the realm of enemies to lovers! I am so excited as I don't think that any other PedroBoys fits the bill las well as Joel Miller!!! LMK what you think of it, I always love to read what you think of my work and I would also be really stoke to speak with all of you.

I am also working on a taglist at present, so I should make a post probably tomorrow, so if you want to be added to the tagged post, let me know and I'll be happy to add you!

Hope you all enjoy :D

Welcome to Texas

Apparently, your entire life fits neatly into an 8x6 cardboard box, which is somewhat embarrassing. When you made the spontaneous decision to uproot your life and leave New York, little did you know that packing would only take 25 minutes and leave you with so little. However, every item inside that box was a testament to your independence. You had purchased each item with your hard-earned money, not relying on your parents or receiving them as gifts from an ex-boyfriend. Every single thing inside that box was truly yours.

As you set down the box in front of the small suburban house, you squint your eyes taking in your new home for the foreseeable future. You had to admit, it had a certain charm that you found refreshing. The tiny house was a stark contrast to the high-rise condo your family had in New York or the overly opulent summer home in the Hamptons where you’d spend your summer. This place felt nice and quaint, exuding a sense of simplicity that you were craving. The row of houses boasted a similar style, either one or two floors tall, constructed with reddish-coloured brick. The driveways were impressively large, accommodating even bigger trucks. It really does seem like 'everything is bigger in Texas'.

Everything about this neighbourhood screamed quiet suburbia. Since it was still early afternoon on a Sunday, you spied some kids zooming down the street on their bikes like a wild bunch of Tasmanian devils, while a cluster of older ladies powerwalked on the sidewalk and seemed deeply engrossed in their gossip. The sight made you chuckle, they kind of looked like a swarm of salmon with their pink velour tracksuit. You were kind of impressed. In this heat, the only thing you wanted to do was lie down on the cold floor for at least two hours or stick your head in the freezer for a minute—the jury was still out. But that was probably because of your New Yorker sensibilities. Most of the people you spotted going about their day seemed completely unfazed by what you would categorize as temperature from at least the 4th circle of hell.

You sighed and put your arms high above your head, interlacing your fingers and giving your back a much-needed stretch. As depressing as the sight of the lone cardboard box holding your entire life was, you were glad that you didn't have a lot of stuff to take with you from New York. The drive had been almost unbearable. As a New Yorker, you didn't have many opportunities to drive that often, and this trip had actually been the first time you had driven your brand-new Alfa Romeo GT. It was a Christmas gift from your grandma, chosen for both sentimental and practical reasons, and you decided to take it with you as you up hauled your life to literally the other end of the country.

No one in your family had understood why you wanted, no, needed to leave, except for Granny Mabel. While your parents scolded you as if you were still a pigtailed little girl, timidly requesting seconds at dinner, Granny Mabel simply glanced at you, winking beneath her oversized Givenchy glasses, as she took a generous sip of her red wine. In that fleeting moment, you knew that no matter what unfolded, you would have the approval of the lionesses of New York’s Upper East Side.

But after what felt like three days of almost non-stop driving, you were ready to declare that you didn't even want to look at your car for at least a week. You felt like you had your share of driving to last you a lifetime. Although you knew that wouldn’t really be possible. After all, Texas was not known for the same kind of public transportation as New York. Ah well, when in Rome—or in this case, Texas.

As a few neighbours started to cast curious glances your way, you became aware of the possibility that loitering around an empty porch on an early Sunday afternoon might raise suspicions. You opened your handbag and rummaged through it, moving aside packages of half-eaten candy bars, a couple of lipsticks, emergency wet wipes, and tampons before you finally found the paper your friend Robbie had given you before you left three days ago.

Scrawled in your friend's messy chicken scratch, were an address and a name: "Joel Miller." Beneath it, a hasty note explained, "Joel was Great Aunt Ruth's neighbour. He was helping her with the property ever since he and his daughter moved in next door. We asked him to hold onto the keys until someone could come to take care of the house after Aunt Ruth passed away. Joel knows you're coming. Take care, my dear, and I'll miss you. New York won't be the same without your judgy ass!"

A smile spread across your face as you read the words. Robbie had been the most important part of your life in New York. You both met during your first year of college. You were studying pre-med, while he pursued performing arts at NYU, dreaming of a future on Broadway. Instantly, you connected with each other. Despite your family's legacy of surgeons, you had always yearned to be on the stage. So, in your first year, you took a theatre elective and met Robbie. The two of you became inseparable. His apartment in Brooklyn provided a refuge from the suffocation you felt at home, and you ended up spending most nights there. By the fourth month of your friendship, you even started contributing to some of the utilities, although Robbie insisted you didn't have to. But you didn't mind. Your parents had money, and you used a lot of hot water, so it was the least you could do.

And now, here you were, on the other side of the country, ready to take a break and maybe have some fun! You silently prayed to any gods out there, hoping they would listen and guide you toward figuring out what you truly wanted in your life. Happiness seemed to be slipping away with each passing day, and you hoped this summer would bring some clarity. You looked back down at the piece of paper, making a mental note to call Robbie once you got inside the house to thank him and reassure him that you were alive after that long trip.

For now, you needed to escape the scorching heat before you melted away. Your hair was beyond recognizable because of the frizz humidity brought out, and sweat patches were forming under your armpits. You cringed at the situation but tried to reassure your growing anxiety: "Who cares what Joel Miller thinks? You thought. You've been through more embarrassing moments than being sweaty in front of a middle-aged dad." Memories of laugh-snorting vodka cranberry all over your crush Colin Robertson's shirt at a post-finals party two years ago came rushing back. You were convinced you had permanently stained his favourite white Lacoste polo with cranberry, judging by the disdainful looks he had given you ever since. So, dealing with a middle-aged redneck should be a breeze in comparison.

You hurriedly made your way to the neighbouring house, desperately hoping that Joel Miller would be there. The thought of being stuck outside indefinitely made you want to cry. You tugged at your jean shorts, which clung uncomfortably to your sweaty thighs, and adjusted your oversized "1991 - Walt Disney" t-shirt, a hand-me-down from your older brother. You tied it in a knot at the front, revealing a sliver of midriff. It dawned on you that you needed to buy more weather-appropriate clothes—an item added to your ever-growing to-do list.

As you stood in front of Joel Miller's house, you hesitated. What if Robbie had forgotten to inform him about your visit? Would Joel think you were some kind of psychopath? He’d definitely think you were a little crazy. Taking a deep breath, you firmly knocked on the wooden front door. When, after a solid minute, there was no response, a sinking feeling of disappointment washed over you, suggesting that Joel Miller might not be home after all. You decided to try ringing the doorbell—once, twice. As you debated whether to attempt a third ring or call Robbie, you heard noises from behind the door, followed by a loud exclamation, "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, give me a minute!"

You felt yourself turning pale, and you began fidgeting with your rings, mentally preparing yourself for whatever was about to happen next. The door was ripped open, and your temperature skyrocketed as you faced the man in front of you. Joel Miller was... not what you expected. He loomed before you, tall and imposing, with a mess of dishevelled brown hair crowning his head. What you first noticed was the broadness of his shoulders, it made your mouth go dry as you started to imagine what it would feel like to hold these shoulders in the throws of passion. You could almost picture yourself under him, naked and sweaty, holding unto him and leaving kitten scratches on his powerful back. Your eyes started to take the man in front of you, he was clad in low-hanging sweatpants, his powerful thighs and defined waistline were accentuated. Your gaze was transfixed on him, unable to look away. You were certain you spotted what had to be an impressive bulge in the front of his thin pants and you wanted nothing more than the check if he was as well endowed as he seemed to be. Joel Miller was a man unlike any you had encountered before, emanating a potent blend of masculine confidence and ruggedly handsome charm. You felt insignificant and childlike in your own outfit. What would he think of your sweat-soaked Disney shirt, your perspiring face, and your overall dishevelled appearance? You wished you could rewind time and change into one of your nice little baby-doll dresses, the one that deliciously played on innocence and sinful seduction, you always felt your most confident in them. At least, you wished you had freshened up before meeting this man. Your mother had always emphasized the importance of first impressions, and now, as you observed the fury in his warm brown eyes, it seemed like you had utterly shattered any chance of making a favourable first impression.

The deep baritone of his voice snapped you out of your reverie, as he demanded, "Who the hell are you?" You stammered, "Ehh, I am so sorry to bother you..."

"You better not tell me you some kinda salesman? 'Cause if ya woke me up from the only full sleep I’ve had in two weeks to sell me some bullshit air conditioning, Imma get real fuckin' mad!” You gulp and squirm under his angry stare. "I reckon the appropriate term is salespeople, to be inclusive, you know." Your voice squeaks in an embarrassing sound. What the hell was wrong with you? You weren't some kind of shrinking violet, but at this moment, under Joel Miller's hard stare, you felt like dying. Or at least digging a hole and hiding inside.

"I am really sorry to bother you, Mr. Miller," you try to muster a modicum of confidence, "I am a friend of Robbie Levitt." When Joel's face remained impassive, you felt like it was his permission to keep going. "He is… was Ruth Kaplan's nephew… ehh, the lady who lived…"

"I know who Mrs. Kaplan is," Joel Miller cuts you off and stares at you, squinting his eyes. "You that rich kid from New York?" You feel yourself groan inside, fucking Robbie babbling about your business to everyone. As much as you loved the guy, he was a complete gossip. You simply nod your head, feeling quite unable to say anything, completely tongue-tied.

"You’re late," Joel Miller's words are biting and sharp, and they are cutting into you, making you feel small and childish. "Late for... what? I'm not sure I follow," you say softly.

Joel Miller sighs loudly and shakes his head. "That Levitt kid told me you'd be here yesterday evening, waited late for you to come around, princess." You feel yourself grow even hotter, either from the embarrassment of seeming flaky or from the nickname; you aren't sure yet.

"Oh," you softly say. "I am sorry, I didn't realize. Robbie just said to be here over the weekend. I didn't realize you'd wait for me."

"So , what? You thought that because you some kind of rich important lady from the city you could waste my time? ‘Cause I’m just some redneck contractor from Texas, right? Who cares if you waste everyone’s time, imma right?” His stare is hard and you don’t know what to do or say without making him even more mad. “It’s not like that, I never thought… I am really sorry.” You settle for, thinking it’s your best bet so as to not antagonize him further.

A low growl, “It's fine," he responds curtly and abruptly. It doesn’t sound fine; you think as he looks like he is 5 seconds away from slamming the door in your face. But my god, everything about this man is hard, his words, his face… his body. You don't know if you should love it or hate it, but as your eyes fall to his hard pectorals you feel yourself falling into the former category. "Wait here." He disappears inside his house before returning with a set of keys he promptly drops into your hands. "Here you go."

"Thank you ever so much, Mr. Miller. And I am really sorry again about last night… And for waking you up and everything" You cringe as a dismissive twitch of the head serves as his feeble reply. As you pivot away, trudging along in a pitiful display of humiliation toward Ruth's house, the air fills with Joel Miller’s deep voice once again “Here's a life tip, sweetheart. When someone doesn't answer the door, maybe ya need to take a hint. Not all of us can afford endless days off or live in a rent-free house. Some of us have real jobs, princess, and those of us that do appreciate every bit of peace we can get.”

You feel like crying, tears gathering up in your eyes, but you won't let them fall. You won't give Joel Miller the satisfaction of knowing that he made you cry. So, you settle, "Sure... I apologize for everything. I didn't mean to be a bother." No answer, so you take it as your cue to leave, feeling dismissed like a child at school.

You turn around and try to muster your best fake smile, the same one you used for your mother and father and give a little wave. "Hope you can get back to sleep soon. I'll make sure to not be in your way again." And you scurry away as fast as your legs can.

Summer of fun and discovery is off to a great start, you think sarcastically, as you rip Aunty Ruth’s door open and let the tears fall. Goddamn it, why did you have to antagonize the most handsome man you'd ever seen in your entire life? Joel Miller, you think. You should despise him. He was unnecessarily mean and condescending. Sure, you had been in the way, but how were you to know he would be sleeping at 1 pm on a Sunday? You groan, at this point anyway, he probably loathed you. Yet, strangely enough, you had never encountered a man who could twist your insides as intensely as he did. In the 5 minutes conversion you had with him, you felt your inside growing hot and your belly erupting in a million of butterflies. You wonder what his eyes would be like if they weren’t hard and angry. They were brown and warm, so you imagined how they would feel raking over your skin with longing or desire. Yeah, that’s not going to happen, you think as your mind cringes back to the awful words he said.  

Joel Miller. Even the mere sound of his name left a strong, lingering flavour in your mouth. You squirm, feeling conflicted, not knowing whether to yearn for his strong domineering presence or simply try your best to avoid him like the plague this summer. You shake your head, you'll sort out your feelings, or whatever hormones this man triggered, later. Right now, you just need to find the damn freezer and try to cool down. However, after meeting Joel Miller, you're well aware that the fire inside you will continue to burn hard for some time.

Next Chapter

[grumpy-nyks]

The Fernweh Saga by @lacunafiction - Davor edition

I-I think Ms. Verner doesn't like him...😳

Davor "Dove" Kovač 🐝 RO: Becca Warrick

Personality: cautious // aloof // pessimistic // flirtatious (only towards Becca ...and Reese??) Traits: head // independent // resistance // believer Past affinity: math Primary ability: extrasensory awareness Past susceptibility: forward. 'it’s better to push forward. don’t look back on the past when you have new places to be and things to achieve.' <<< his motto

🕊️ Fernweh: Davor lived a happy life there and didn't think about leaving in the future. Maybe for some trips, but he knew it would always be his place, his safe place... 'It was a mistake to come back here.' - that was his first thought when he tried to fall asleep on the first night in Fernweh. The nightmares came back as he thought they would. He wants to leave as soon as possible because he feels that it is not safe for Becca to be here.

🕊️ Gramps Dan: That was his gramps who taught Davor how to play the guitar. As a young child, Davor always admired him and believed he was the most intelligent person in the world. After the death of his parents and how his grandfather treated him, he was devastated and angry. He wanted answers soo badly but didn't get any. He lived loathing his grandfather ever since. The news of his passing stirred up a lot of negative emotions that Davor had previously managed to suppress. At the beginning of the story he couldn't care less about his grandfather, but because of his journal he started to believe him. Things that his granfather lived through made Davor even more angry at this messy town …but he's willing to forgive his gramps…

🐝 Becca Warrick: It was a ...funny story that brought both of them together and they look after each other ever since. He considers Becca as his precious (not in a negative-possessive way) treasure, he literally can't let anything bad happen to her. That was also she who came up with the nickname 'Dove'... (and she's literally the only person who calls him that, others wouldn't dare...). He had feelings for her for quite some time but didn't act on it... until now. Although he didn't express it, he felt very nervous about Becca being in the town where he grew up. He was curious (but also scared) about what she could think of this town. He felt like he was revealing more of himself to her…. and he forgot about any worries pretty fast, because the town started being weird as fu--.

🕊️ Reese Verner: Back then Davor was quite cheerful and enjoyed competing with Reese regularly. They teased each other a lot. Davor always thought that Reese had a crush on him, was it true tho? donut know, but he certainly had. ...why does he appear in his nightmares? Maybe the crush stage never disappeared...? Seeing him again was a nice experience, sure... but ignoring the circumstances, he is still unsure if it was worth it and is struggling with his thoughts… Would it be worth it to return to Fernweh just to see him... again? welp, good thing he doesn't have to think about it much, am I right?

🕊️ Sofia Dorran: The two of them maybe did not have a strong relationship, but he knew Sofia is the ideal person for engaging in intelligent conversations. He enjoyed spending time with her, solving the puzzles that gramps created for them both. Davor wasn't a fan of fantasy books, but she managed to change his mind about them. Davor knows that Sofia did take good care of his grandfather, but he still doesn't quite know if he's grateful for that or wished she spent her time more... valuably... He was tempted to ask Sofia to borrow that book she found in his grandfather's bedroom, but he thought better of it. It's better to leave Fernweh… Even so, his curiosity wasn't properly fed.

🕊️ James Corvin: Maybe not brothers by blood, but definitely brothers by choice. Davor treated him as if he was the brother he always wanted to have. Back then Davor always placed a high value on his family… until now. At the time, Davor tended to be more impulsive and James was usually the one who kept him from getting into trouble (which often involved Reese). It was really hard, for both of them, to see each other after so long. Their first interaction was pretty awkward... I would even say that most of their interactions were . James noticed how Davor changed the question is: for the better or worse? I don't even know. Everyone can sense, that things around them are different now, and they aren't as close as before. Will it change?

🕊️ Alek Corvin: …To say that Alek wasn't a fan of Davor would be an understatement. Was it because James spent most of his time focusing only on Davor trying to get him out of trouble? Did Alek observe any possessiveness from Davor towards James? Or maybe simply because of the bond between those two, which was truly something that others would envy and desire? Davor never considered it, especially when he left Fernweh permanently. :)) As you can imagine, Alek doesn't seem very happy about Davor's return… But he took an interest in his new friend, Becca, which did not go unnoticed by Davor and he isn't really happy about it.

🕊️ The Waitress: Oh boy, it seems that Davor has taken up a new hobby, which is glaring harshly at the waitress. He finds her mistrustful and he smells trouble. Had they met when he was younger, there may have been a slim chance of them getting along.

🕊️ Waffles!: So um… Davor has a little issue with dogs and because of that his relationship with Waffles isn't as wonderful as I wish it would be... However, I believe that with time and help from Becca, they will eventually become friends.

[literaticat]

I thought the main appeal of scholastic (YA & mg is all I know about) was the fair component? I've heard from several scholastic authors the vast, vast majority of their sales came from the fair and there wasn't much done beyond that. As in, really nothing.

So assuming you are a marginalized author signing with Scholastic, it's likely the sales will be majorly different post this decision to let folks opt out of books with marginalized rep, right? I find that deeply concerning and certainly worth a boycott of the publisher as a whole. Or am I not seeing some other factor here?

While it's true that Scholastic can move a lotta paper through their clubs and fairs -- Scholastic clubs and fairs doesn't necessarily pick up every book that Scholastic Press publishes -- and Scholastic Clubs and Fairs carry more than just Scholastic books.

(For example, I just looked at the random first page of the Scholastic Clubs YA section, and while there are Scholastic books there, I also spy titles from Harper, S&S, Disney, Viz Media, Abrams...)

I totally understand being concerned and irate about this bone-headed "opt-out policy." I am, too. But I also know that Scholastic Clubs and Fairs has a looooong legacy of making sort of mealy-mouthed and lousy "try to please everyone" decisions -- that for sure isn't new. I mean I get WHY -- they have accounts across the political and socio-economic spectrum and they don't want to lose money -- but if course, you can't please everyone, and when you try to please everyone, it ultimately pleases no-one.

It ALSO makes me beyond-words angry that this policy actually exists (VERY SADLY) because the environment in some school districts and states has gotten so dramatic of late that teachers and librarians are being targeted, harassed, fired and sued over diverse books, and that a handful of complete assholes are making it impossible for educators to share great books with their classrooms, that teachers jobs are being threatened because certain books *exist* on school property, etc.

I think there's better ways for Scholastic to deal with it, probably, and I'm guessing that they are currently scrambling to figure those ways out. (Or not! I don't know! But I AM pretty sure that they are scared as hell -- in my mind I'm picturing a bunch of clubs and fairs people cowering behind Clifford the Big Red Dog as both liberals and conservatives wave pitchforks and torches at them. CLIFFORD, DO SOMETHING!)

So yeah. I dunno, I do think that the Clubs/Fairs business is at some kind of crossroads right now, and yes, it could be that how they work will end up changing even more, and that might affect author's bottom lines. It's definitely something to watch out for and be mindful of. So far I haven't seen dramatic dips in Clubs/Fairs income for my authors, but I also haven't been doing like a *forensic analysis* of it, nor can I see what the big picture numbers look like.

As far as a boycott, what I'd ask anyone to consider is, what does a boycott of Scholastic look like? And who is it helping?

Is it that you/the public aren't buying any Scholastic books? When they DO publish loads of marginalized authors? You'd certainly be making an impact on those authors, but not a positive one. In fact, I'd argue that the book banners who are behind all this chaos would LOVE for you to boycott Scholastic. They are, in fact, URGING people to boycott Scholastic. I've seen material from certain right wing groups about how Scholastic and their authors are degenerates that literally made me sick to my stomach with fear for my authors' physical and mental well being. I definitely don't want to do what THOSE people want us to do.

Is it that you, as a parent or school administrator or whatever, decide not to do a Scholastic book fair at your school? I get that, and as far as I'm concerned, as long as you are doing that for nice, wholesome reasons, like you want MORE diverse books in your school and you'd rather support a local independent bookstore who can bring great books in, it sounds like a fine idea to me. (If you are doing it because you don't want kids to have access to ANY BOOKS or something, well, that's gross as hell!)

Is it that you, as an author, are asking your agent not to submit to Scholastic? That's totally within your rights, and it's perfectly OK -- but also, they DO have some great editors, and I think it's also perfectly OK to not want to throw the baby out with the bathwater, so if you DON'T want to avoid them, I don't think that's a problem.

I'll be watching how all of this continues to play out, and I'll be watching the royalty statements and such, and if there comes a point where there IS a huge dip in income or something like that, where it seems like "OK, they are not a viable publishing partner" -- that's another conversation. But so far we aren't there, that I can see. I reserve the right to change my mind!

In the meantime, I URGE YOU, VOTE, especially in local elections -- people just don't vote for School Board and such, so the only people who ARE reliably voting are the terrible people, which is how they get so much power. If you can, give money to organizations that are fighting the good fight against censorship and protecting librarians and educators. And if you have it in you, get involved with your local library board, school board, PTA, or whatever you have to do to BE IN THE ROOM when these psychos are trying to ban books and take away children's freedom to read.

[thecatspasta]

More dragons because I can't stop myself. This time as babies!!

If you see this and are interested SHOOT ME AN ASK. I am begging you I want asks about this au so bad

Okay dragon lore time is go:

Eye dragons are blind up until their 5th moult. This is because of how incredibly delicate and important their eyes are. Babies can easily harm their eyes which is incredibly dangerous for them. They are also very clumsy, their front legs not yet strong enough to hold them and their wings. Baby eye dragons heavily rely on their parents for pretty much everything, despite growing up to be a very independent creature. (this is an issue for jon because his parents die before he's actually ready. literally only reason they didn't die is cause the web likes them. this is one of the reasons why he can't fly well also)

They also start with greyish brown colors to blend in (they normally live in rocky or wooded areas) and spots around their eyes to seem like eye markings.

Eye dragons are incredibly rare (they're up there with Web and End dragons) (lonely dragons aren't rare, there's quite a few of them, they just avoid people)

(also yes, jon has spines and ears just too much floof to see it)

-

Lonely dragons are different. The moment the eggs are laid the parents are off and the dragons are left to fend entirely for themself. They start off as pure fog and slowly as they encounter other creatures they can take aspects from those creatures. (martin grew up around cliffs where birds of prey were commonly found, so he gets birdlike qualities)

Fog is completely apart of them. Most dragons (martin included) let certain parts of their body be in a state between fog and solid matter. If they turn into fog that's still them, they can't make more, they can't disappear into it, they're just fog. Its safer being fog because it's kinda hard to hurt fog. But they can't interact with the real world, therefore they can't hunt or eat.

The Lukas's are a large colony of Lonely dragons. They're generally very powerful and people who encounter them can ask them to help them out (it's unlikely they will and normally just get a free meal, but the chance is there). Martin's family come from the Lukas's but he avoids them. He just chills with his boyfriend and his friends.

[theliterarywolf]

Hey, I'm always a slut for internet drama, so I'll go ahead and ask: what happened with the No Sleep podcast?

Oh no, nothing happened with the podcast itself.

To elaborate on the whole kerfluffle:

As mentioned before, my students just would not read. It didn't matter if it was read aloud and they needed to follow silently, if it was independent, what have you, they just would not engage.

So, rather than throw my hands up in the air, I thought: okay, let's try something different. So, every so often, I would select pre-screened selections from The NoSleep Podcast. Emphasis on the 'pre-screened' aspect because it wasn't like I was just playing audio out of the blue. I obviously knew I had to make sure that I didn't end up playing anything pornographic or excessively bloody in the classroom. And... Students were engaged! I got strong classroom discussion, a good turn-in rate for classwork, etc.!

And, actually! The vice principal who was supposed to be my evaluator (emphasis on 'supposed to be' because she was supposed to observe and evaluate every other week but, in reality, she only ever swung by once every other month) actually observed a lesson where I used a NoSleep Podcast audio (it was for the story "Dear Jennifer", which centers around a severe parasocial relationship) and everything was fine.

However, a few months down the line when she came back for another rare observation, it was another NoSleep Podcast day. I believe the story for that day was titled "Customer Service". I'm not sure about the exact title, I just remember that it centered around a single mother trying to call Amazon to get some help with the dishwasher she ordered just to end up being tormented by a misogynistic support agent.

Anyway, the class goes fine, discussion and classwork are active and fine, and the vice principal leaves. So the next period passes. Then the next period (which she knows full well is my conference period; keep that in mind). Then lunch. Then the next period. And, finally, during sixth period, this vice principal waddles back into my classroom and, while I'm trying to get students settled before the bell rings, she walks up to me and, with every obnoxious intonation from that scene in Office Space (you all know the one!):

VP - Yeah, so... I can't have you use that audio you played for 2nd period, yeah...

Me - Wait, why are you just saying this now?

VP - Well, it took me a while to get back down here...

Me - You could have sent an email.

VP - Yeah, you just need to find a replacement audio and assignment for 7th period. Yeah...

Me - The audio was fine. It's no worse than you guys having me teach Gatsby with Tom Buchanan's blatant misogyny and racism and Myrtle getting hit by that car.

VP - Yeah, well... If a parent were to complain, I would have to be the one to deal with it, yeah...

Me - ... (thinking "Oh, so you'd actually have to do your fucking job?")

VP - So... Yeah, just make sure to change the audio and make a new assignment, okay? Okay, thank you~!

One of my students, after the bell finally rings - Ms. Lit? Is everything good?

Me - ... Your school's run by cowards. Anyway, get out your Silent Reading books.

And, later that evening (literally, this was around 8 PM), she calls herself sending an email talking about 'Per our discussion today, you were instructed to no longer use audio from the 'NoSleep Podcast' website in your class. This website is listed as containing mature and potentially triggering material...'

To which I responded (my email was formal but this is my angry summary) - EVERYTHING IS 'POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING'. Hell, you guys have me teaching my 10th graders about vaccine articles! I'm sure that could be considered triggering to anyone who lost a loved one to COVID! But, fiiiine! If the issue at hand is to present a perfectly sterile environment with nothing that could ever run the risk of upsetting anyone, I will gladly empty out the classroom library of all the books that the librarian dropped off and give them back to her. Let me know!!!'

...

And to this day, I never got a response to that email. But, hey. I did comply and stop utilizing The NoSleep Podcast in my classroom.

I just started using Uncanny County and various Creepypasta readings instead!

[mintmoth]

re: the last ask, Jamil was likely also screwed over by the fact that Kalim was the same age as him, Kalim really liked him, Kalim was encouraged to play with him all the time, Kalim regularly hunted him down, and Kalim was paying attention to what Jamil could or couldn't do. Jamil probably wouldn't have had the same pressure if he was a couple of years older than Kalim because then they could just blame it on the fact he has two years of experience.

Najma doesn't seem to have a corresponding Asim family member who's that fixated on her and is the same age as her, so that's also probably another reason why she totally has things a lot easier than Jamil does.

This is entirely true! Jamil and Kalim grew up together and Kalim is absolutely very attached to him. Jamil was never simply a servant or a retainer but rather also Kalim's best friend and playmate. It's done good in the sense that Jamil is very humanized to Kalim so that Kalim has likely never seen Jamil as "lesser" than him in any way, but it has been detrimental to Jamil in that Kalim is constantly by his side, making it so he's never really allowed time to not be able to simply exist as himself

Really a big part of this is that they were children being children with societal rules and class applied to them. Neither Jamil nor Kalim would likely see an issue with Jamil winning games or doing better then Kalim, but the adults around them were very mindful of the problems it could cause. Worse being that Kalim was completely unaware of these rules being enforced upon Jamil and as such didn't understand the stress his constant presence was bringing. To Kalim, Jamil is simply his best friend in the world, he loves him and wants to be beside him as often as he can

When you're forced to smile and nod and pretend everything is fine it's hard to let your true feelings be known, especially if the one who's concerned for you is the very person you're hiding your true feelings from

And it's also therein that a lot of Jamil's problems are rooted, that he is so used to doing everything for Kalim and taking care of him and having to look out for him, that even when Kalim offers to do things himself or to help Jamil, Jamil more often then not meets him with a hard no. Kalim is more then capable of bettering himself and handling more things on his own and being more independent, but that would go against the fundamentals of literally every way Jamil was taught and raised, and it's hard to break away from that, even if he wants to

A good example being the bean day event, how it's just this one day friendly competition that even purposefully pits the housewardens and vice housewardens against one another, and Jamil meets the opportunity to do better then Kalim with delight- but even still he goes about it in an underhanded way so he can cover his tracks and make excuses for his own innocence if it were to anger his parents. Like, he can't even just participate in the event normally without fear that word that he lasted longer than Kalim will get back to his family and he will be met with anger for doing so, and that's honestly a big part of why he pulled so much bullshit to win, less out of the need to win no matter the cost and more just.. to be able to play it off as an accident if winning at a silly school event comes back to bite him in the ass

And we even see that when Kalim is taken out he's just like "aw man this sucks, oh well let's all eat together before we have to leave", like Kalim genuinely does not give a crap if Jamil beats him at things, he thinks the world of Jamil and just wants to be able to be beside him

I've gone on a tangent- but also yes!! More then likely Najma just does general things to help the Asim family and her own family, without that specific title of being a child born and raised to serve the next in line to be the head of the Asim household. That isn't to say that she doesn't have her own set of stressors or worries, but Jamil was born shouldering a very heavy burden

[shoujoboy-restart]

Republicans: WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDEN?!? DONT YOU CARE ABOUT THEIR LIFE AND WELL BEING?!?!?

Also Republicans: I'm gonna spend 3 years allowing my child's mental health to deteriorate and ignore the issue until it solves itself because i own their body mind and soul and i know what's best for them even when I literally don't care if they kill themselves, also, wow how selfish to make this situation about you not about me.

A recent comment by a Montana state lawmaker who sponsored legislation to ban gender-affirming medical care for transgender minors has gone viral and drawn backlash online.

"One of the big issues that we have heard today and we've talked about lately is that without surgery the risk of suicide goes way up. Well, I am one of those parents who lived with a daughter who was suicidal for three years," Seekins-Crowe said in her remarks in March. "Someone once asked me, 'Wouldn't I just do anything to help save her?' And I really had to think and the answer was, 'No.'"

"I was not going to give in to her emotional manipulation because she was incapable of making those decisions and I had to make those decisions for her," Seekins-Crowe said. She continued, "I was not going to let her tear apart my family and I was not going to let her tear apart me because I had to be strong for her, I had to have a vision for her life when she had none, was incapable of having none." Seekins-Crowe said that she was scared and "spent hours on the floor in prayer because I didn't know that when I woke up, if my daughter was going to be alive or not. But I knew that I had to make those right decisions for her so that she would have a precious, successful adulthood at that time."

Rep. Ted Lieu, D-Calif., lambasted the GOP state lawmaker on Twitter on Thursday for her remarks

"I vehemently disagree with this speech by GOP state rep Kerri Seekins-Crowe. But you know what she didn’t say? That it should be the government’s role to make personal decisions for families. Why is she now shoving her private decision down other people’s throats?" he wrote.

This is peak authoritarian narcissistic parent behaviour: "it hurts me so much that you are living as an independent individual with your own identity! YOU ARE TEARING ME APART BY LIVING FREELY AND OUTSIDE MY INFLUENCE AND APPROVAL!"

And Ted Lieu made a great point: this woman knows not accepting her child could result in suicide, she's not even truly denying that like most conservatives atrempt to, she does not care if her child killed themselves, but she's such a cowardly cunt sociopath that she can't have blood on her hands by herself, no, she wants her cruelty and narcissism to be enforced by the state so even supportive parent may have to deal with their children suffering, she wants her cruelty to become the norm"

That's exactly what republicans are doing, forcing their ideological motivations and behaviours unto citizen's as a whole so they don't feel alienated for being judged for their inhumane behaviour, they don't want to be on the wrong did soft history, but they sure want to force everyone else to be there to pull focus away from them.

[evansbby]

Ok so just think about this rn.

Ex husband of about 7 years Ari (a good 10 years older). You have two children who are now almost ten or early teens. You wanted a divorce because you thought he was so controlling and mean. He in fact did not want one but let you go because he knows you'll be crawling back to him. For the time being, the both of you were just happily co-parenting. Thing is, you haven't been with anyone since the divorce even though you thought it was right at the time but you just can't get your hot, beefy, older ex husband out of your mind - you're literally still in love with him. So one day, he comes over to pick up something one of your kids left at your house whilst you're cleaning the house (and i mean hands and knees on the floor cleaning). Ari just walks in, sees you on the floor, back faced to him and he just looses it. He decides enough is enough and he's not letting you keep this "independent single mom" act up any longer and is going to make a housewife out of you. He catches you off guard, picks you up, strips you and fucks you on the kitchen table (some size kink ofc - at least over 6"4 Ari) and it leads to you getting pregnant. You're so worried you don't know what to do and all he does is comfort and reassure you that it's fine and that you'll make such a good mommy once again. (extra - it's twins) And then you just fall into Ari's trap again, become a housewife like your soul purpose of living is to serve him. the end 😁

got a little hot n bothered thinking of this 🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵

NO NO NO NO WHY WOULD YOU SEND ME SOMETHING SO HOT LIKE EXCUSE YOU

Like I literally have nothing to add, ugh YES TO 6’4 older husband Ari — he just wants his young housewife back under his clutches and pregnant with his babies😌

I got a LOT hot n bothered thinking about this😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵