#patrick x rae

[monzamash]

the good, the bad and what could’ve been — lando norris (part one)

summary – nine years. an age gap that you didn’t know would cause so much heartache. you tell yourself that it’s fine, he tells you that he could give you the world but this was a cautionary tale of what could’ve been if you just let love win. pairing – lando norris x you (female reader) chapter rating – mature (sexual references, language, age gap/older woman) word count – 7k inspired by charlie puth's song called boy. masterlist

part one | part two | part three

Drenched rat was the only way to describe your appearance as the late evening downpour rained all over your parade. It had been one of those days that seemed to go on forever and there was nothing you wanted more than to see that last client waltz out of the studio and into those glorious Friday night shadows. Thank god it was the weekend.

"Any plans for the weekend, lovey?" Rae, your friend and closest co-worker asked from across the room, cleaning up her station for the last time this week.

You shrugged, not really having the mental capacity to even respond but she was being polite and the least you could do was answer.

"Maybe... My little brother's turning 21 and has reluctantly extended an invite my way so just loose plans at this stage. You?"

Rae went on to detail her jam-packed weekend with her husband, who like her was the life of every party. They were freshly married – only 3 months or so but they had been endgame since their college days apparently, which now seemed like a lifetime ago. Positivity exuded them wherever they went and you hated to admit that there was a pang of envy whenever they rocked up to after work drinks together or he dropped off her lunch that she'd left at home. Smitten by each other even after all these years.

All those little things festered away and created a small pit of jealousy in your stomach that you resented. You were happy, right? You had a successful career, a cute apartment and suitors 'round the block waiting for you to make up your mind and just fucking pick one of them. Anyone.

What Rae had was a once in a lifetime kind of love, you thought as the overhead lights were turned off and Patrick motioned for you to grab your shit and go home. The studio was cloaked in darkness as you squeezed through the small door, locked and loaded with an umbrella and a backpack filled with sketchbooks and diaries. And all you could do was pray that they were waterproofed enough to make the journey home.

"See ya Monday – and try to be on time, yeah?" Patrick arrogantly jabbed your way before disappearing out of sight and hopefully out of your life for the next 48 hours – or longer if you could get your shit together.

"Fucking arsehole," You muttered as Rae huddled under your umbrella, brushing your back with understanding.

"He doesn't know how to treat you because you intimidate him," She shook her long, black hair and rubbed her hands together, attempting to generate enough heat to keep warm as the thick fog rolled through the streets.

You shrugged, knowing that she was just trying to lighten the mood and send the week off with a positive – something she always liked to do for you, especially after a week filled with the same old bullshit. You were overbooked, overworked and wishing you were anywhere but here.

"It's nothing a really expensive bottle of wine can't fix," You half-joked and made sure Rae was sheltered before bidding her goodbye, "See you in hell on Monday."

Rae sent you a sullen wave, no doubt wishing she could've cheered you up just a little before going home to her seemingly perfect life. There wasn't much point trying when all attempts fell on deaf ears – nothing could pull you out of the perpetual cycle of drink, sleep, work, repeat. That was how it was and how it would always be and you had come to terms with that.

The short walk home from the studio was a miserable one, which was to be expected strolling the streets of London in the middle of December. But the glimmering lights reflected in the evening downpour and the smell of food cooking – sizzling kebab if you had to really hone in on the smokey, chargrilled scent wafting through the cool air, made it a little more bearable than usual. That didn't mean much considering nothing had brought you joy for months. Not even the discreetly packaged vibrator your best friend had left in a box on your doorstep with a sticky note saying, 'you deserve it'. Tragic.

You grumbled quietly to yourself, noticing a nosy neighbour standing beside the entrance to your building, waiting for either you or a cab. It was always hard to tell. She was an older lady who loved to pry and nothing gave her more pleasure than to bundle people up and have a chat. She was harmless and meant well but the last thing you needed tonight was an ambush.

"Sorry Effie, I have to get upstairs and get out of these wet clothes."

You got in first with the excuse and she simply smiled and waved. Effie knew the trials and tribulations of a London winter since she'd lived here all her life, simply wishing you a wonderful weekend and making you feel bad for brushing her off.

The apartment was cold and dimly lit as you flicked on the kitchen light and chucked your backpack down on the couch with a huff. You hoped it would feel better being home after a long day but you knew you had no food, no company and a cold bed waiting for you upstairs. All things that made it impossible to look on the bright side.

"Fuck. My. Life," You groaned into the fridge and slammed it shut, internally wishing past you had organised something for dinner.

You did as you told Effie and went upstairs to change into something comfier and less wet – a tracksuit set, combat boots and new beanie to cover the bird’s nest you called a "hairstyle". The floor length raincoat you should've taken to work was waiting for you at the front door – almost taunting your never-ending brain fades. You scooped up your keys and scarf and headed downstairs again, hoping that Effie had left to wherever the hell she was going on a Friday night. The fact a 70 year old woman had more of a social life should've worried you more but you were too tired to care.

By now it was a quarter to midnight and there was really only one option to get anything resembling food this late since the closest Waitrose was a 10-minute walk away. You had already burnt your bridge there by rocking up at closing time, forcing them to keep the tills open so you could buy emergency ice cream. You couldn't show your face there ever again.

The bright blue and red lights spilling into the puddles that were still filling from the rain was a welcomed sight. It was the only sign of life for miles, besides yourself and you were grateful having a 24-hour Tesco Express right around the corner. Capitalist convenience was in working order. The florescent lights were not as pleasant as you walked in and triggered the bell hanging over the automatic doors.

A familiar voice sang out your name, greeting you from behind the counter with a half-arsed smile adorning his kind face. You grabbed a basket and gave him a wave.

"Hi Kev," You meekly returned and continued on your way down the aisles, hoping to find a few things that would tide your hunger over until the sun came up.

You stopped at the confectionary section and perused for a second, debating whether a sugar hit this late in the night was the responsible adult thing to do. Your mum's authoritarian voice rang in your ears as you reached out and grabbed a bag of skittles, smiling to yourself as you dropped them into the basket. That smile had been the first of the day, maybe even of the week and it felt nice for a split second to feel the weight lifting from your shoulders.

"Late dinner?"

The voice came from a few steps away and belonged to a smirking stranger. He was taller than you, even hunched over the bargain bin he was rifling through. His hair was curly and sopping wet and it was hard to tell if it was just dark because of that or naturally, but your confused gaze connected with his and the smile that had just been on your cold face had disappeared.

"Excuse me?" You quietly asked and stared into his icy blue eyes, prepared to strike with a snarky comeback or two.

"The skittles," He pointed to your basket, "That used to be my evening meal a few years ago until I realised I was an addict and had to get help."

The kind smile on his face softened your stern expression, "Oh, right... Well I'm glad you found the help you needed. Maybe I should too," You tried to muster a joke and he laughed – loudly.

Nobody laughed like that at anything you had said lately because most of the things you did say were either dripping in sarcasm or laced with self-deprecation. Both weren't cute or endearing the longer it became apart of your personality. But he liked your joke enough to give you a boost of serotonin and your smile was back –even brighter than before.

"I did but you should definitely level it out with something else – maybe something chocolaty," The mystery man nodded towards the rows of chocolate bars lining the racks in front of you, now openly encouraging your bad habit.

His accent was different to what you were used to – British, kind of upperclass, kind of not but laced with something else and you were intrigued. Maybe even a little mesmerised by the way he stood his ground, making small talk to a complete stranger in the middle of the night. He looked cozy too, tracksuit clad like you, giving zero fucks about how you fashionable you looked, or really what anyone thought. Comfy, friendly, warm – he was different.

"Great suggestion but I think this will do enough damage," You replied, making him chuckle again.

"I'll live my junk food fantasies vicariously through you," He said before he turning on his heel and making his way to the register at the front of the store, humming to himself.

You could hear his boisterous yet kind voice as you grabbed a pre-mixed salad and lined up behind him, "Thanks man – have a great night," He said to Kevin who no doubt appreciated a friendly face this late in the night.

The stranger sent one lasting smile your way and said 'hope you do too' before he exited with his bag of almonds and a coconut water. Simple and nutritious – which was more than you could say about your late night dinner choices.

With a genuine pep in your step and your items safely tucked under your arm, you left the shop feeling a lot lighter than you did when you walked in and that was something unexpected. A polite run in with a stranger was an unlikely mood-booster but you were clinging to it while it lasted. That was until you noticed a shadowy figure walking up ahead as you rounded into your street and slowed down, but the person heard your footsteps loud and clear.

Internally cursing yourself for wearing the loudest boots you owned, you relaxed a little when you realised it was the man from the store, who had thrown a thick puffer jacket over his orange hoodie. There was a short pause as your eyes met and a puzzled look flashed across his flushed face, wind blown.

"I'm not stalking you," You said in hopes of easing his confusion, "I live here."

You pointed to the large wooden door that led into your apartment building as you tugged your jacket closed, trying to trap any warmth left in your body. The man turned around and looked to where you were pointing before spinning back with a soft chuckle, "And I live there."

He gestured to the building across the small side street you were both standing in, looking as bewildered as each other. It was your turn to laugh as the penny dropped – you were neighbours.

"Small world," You humorously replied and took a few long strides past him. As cute as he was in the darkness, you were frozen solid and needed to thaw out as soon as possible otherwise you'd be asking him for a ride to the hospital.

"See you around?" He asked more as a question than a statement and you nodded with a small, chattering smile.

"Yep," You simply replied and buzzed yourself into the building, shivering beneath all the layers you'd put on before leaving. Even though you were smiling through gritted teeth and feeling warmth from the fleeting conversation, the several layers of clothing and a genuine smile from a stranger weren't even enough to keep you from hypothermia. You couldn't wait to get upstairs and sit by the heater, wishing you were in some quaint country cabin far, far away.

"Yep... Just keep the peel on until tonight and then wash your thigh with that soap I gave you... Yep, warm water is perfect and make sure you put on a thin layer of cream after that... It’ll probably be a little red but I promise you’ll heal perfectly so don't stress," You reassured your client who had gotten her first ever tattoo yesterday.

Your work was rewarding in so many ways but the pressure of working for someone else came with it's unique challenges. There was nothing you wanted more than to open up your own little tattoo shop with Rae and live your life the way you wanted to – not the way some washed up muso envisioned. With a few more words of encouragement, you managed to reassure your client and begin your Saturday, doing a whole lot of nothing.

The sun was shining at least and you figured you might as well enjoy some of what the day had to offer before your night out later this evening. Your brother had given you strict instructions on when and where his birthday drinks were going to be and you knew then that making an appearance at this thing was now a non-negotiable. You couldn't be seen as the flaky older sister again and you didn't want to let him down – that relationship was one of very few that were sacred in your life and turning 21 was a big deal.

It wasn't long until you were strapping on your heels, sticking a couple more bobby pins into the messy bun you were trying to tame and trotting down the staircase, ready to mingle. You had been single now for much longer than you would've liked and although there had been moments of weakness, nothing had amounted to more than a shitty one-night stand. And it was infuriating.

A complete exodus from dating apps hadn't helped your cause but you couldn't handle another ghosting, especially not from some grubby dude who had no right being anywhere near you. You had standards that were high and there was nothing wrong with that – until a couple of gin and tonics are consumed and you forget you were even human. All of a sudden your standards have left the building along with you and said grubby dude.

"Hey!" A voice echoed from across the street as you closed the building door and glanced around with furrowed brows, wondering who was calling out your way.

That's when you spotted him – the man from last night who you couldn't stop thinking about, even if you didn't want to admit it. He looked different in the daylight and definitely lived up to parts of the vision you'd conjured after your random meeting in the street. The curls were there, as were the light blue eyes that caught your attention but he was younger than you first thought, a lot younger which was an important detail that you'd missed in the darkness. One you wished you had of noticed before summoning those late-night thoughts.

"Hi again," You greeted with crossed arms, trying to cover the somewhat revealing dress underneath your jacket.

You quickly clocked his athleisure wear and concluded that he was probably going to the gym with his friend who was trailing closely behind him. They were both full of smiles as you crossed the road, figuring you had to wait for your cab anyway so you might as well have company.

"I realised after I went in last night that I didn't even introduce myself – I'm Lando," He said and held out his hand for you to shake.

"Well in our defence it was super late and my brain was definitely mush," You replied and grasped his warm hand, introducing yourself.

You'd be lying if you didn't say there was a small, flash of something resembling a spark as you shook his hand. A little buzz of excitement that in the moment you chalked up to being super alone and outrageously horny. Desperate didn't even begin to describe the mess that was your sex life and with that in mind, your snap reaction of having undeniable chemistry with him was probably not accurate. But whether it was a figment of your imagination or not, it was still a valid feeling and you were going to have to bury that shit.

"Nice to put a name to the face," Lando smiled and turned to his friend who up until this point had remained quiet, "This is my father, Carlos."

You knew he was pulling your chain, or at least you hoped he. His friend shoved him in the side, fervently shaking his head, "Clearly not his father but Hola," He sheepishly greeted, voice laced with a thick accent and a smile that would make any sane individual with two eyes and a pulse melt in place.

"I was gonna say that's a little suss but I don't judge without context."

You glanced between the two men with a smirk and held your hands up – making them both chuckle quietly. They also eyed each other, a silent nod following that you couldn’t quite decipher. It was fleeting, almost so much so that if you blinked, you would’ve missed it. Maybe you wished you did because now you were cursing yourself for not taking that body language class at university all those years ago. Pointless and too bohemian for your liking, you thought at the time but now, standing on a rain gutter, you regretted passing such haste judgment. Their unspoken conversation infuriated you internally as Lando looked back at you with an awkward smile.

"Nah, I'm an appropriately aged guy and definitely not a child..." Lando trailed off and clumsily scratched the back of his neck, "Don't know what I mean by that but um yeah, not his son obviously." He was fumbling, frantically trying to change the subject but instead looked down at his dirty white sneakers with a grimace, internally face-palming himself.

You bit down on your mauve coloured bottom lip and tried to conceal the smile threatening to reveal itself. He was cute. Awkward? Absolutely. A little dorky with his oversized hoodie and boyish grin? You could say that but he was still kind of cute nonetheless.

"Obviously," You replied sweetly and noticed your uber pulling up outside your apartment building, ready to take you somewhere you could drown your shitty week away.

"Nice to officially meet you and your dad – see you around." You winked and maintained eye contact with Lando before strutting across the street and jumping in your uber.

You wondered what they said once you were gone and whether you looked better in broad daylight or in the shadows of the night. Your intrusive thoughts were quickly pushed aside when you realised he was more than likely taken, or not interested. Or more importantly, way too young for you to even be having these thoughts about. The good ones never were right for you – there was always something. It was like a curse that you'd picked up somewhere along the way – a curse that forbid any man with a job and their shit together to look your way twice. You were invisible to those men lately and you couldn't help but blame yourself.

With a mission to find someone to take your mind off those negative thoughts, you ordered your first drink, and then your second drink and you guessed it – your third and fourth in quick succession. You swore the dance floor was falling out from under your feet as your brother and his girlfriend scooped you up and called you an Uber. The night was over before it had even begun and you knew you'd be filled with regret in the morning. But right now, you were just lucky to be standing upright.

"Will you be okay?" Your brother asked as you flopped into the back of the car, giggling like a schoolgirl.

"Pfft, I'm a professional drinker," You hiccupped and covered your mouth, "I'll be fine – driver, take me home!"

The uber driver mumbled something under his breath and punched in the address your brother had given him, no doubt sick of trashed girls on the brink of vomiting, flailing around in the back of his car. You were a mess and attempting to cover that up by drinking wasn't doing you any favours. In fact you knew it was only going to make you feel worse – especially tomorrow.

"Alright, you're home," The driver said loudly, waking you up from the quick nap you decided to take in the backseat, blaming the warmth for lulling you to sleep.

"Make sure you grab everything."

A scoff slipped past your lips as you gathered your bags, "I know what I'm doing," You retorted, not realising that you were probably slurring every word and most definitely making absolutely no sense to someone who was stone-cold sober.

You closed the door and nearly fell forward over the gutter doing so, trying to balance in the heels that had caused your feet to go numb. The black car drove off and you waved like a maniac, thinking you were hilarious before rummaging through your handbag for your keys. You could barely see through blurry vision and the cold air made every inch of you exposed skin tingle as you stumbled into the brick wall of your building. At least you were home.

"Fuck," You hissed to yourself as you dug through the bag and saw nothing but a dark void. It was an impossible task without the flash on your phone to light the way.

The sound of a car door slamming shut across the street startled you out of your intoxicated rage, causing a few items to tumble from your handbag, including your phone. And there he was again, dressed smartly this time – the mystery man who's name you couldn't quite remember in your drunken state. You turned away and frantically started looking for your keys again, hoping to God he wouldn't come over and see you looking like a complete mess. Famous last thoughts.

"Early night?" His innocent question echoed through the empty street and you closed your eyes, knowing there was no way you could avoid him now – especially since you were locked out of your apartment with nowhere to go.

You bashfully looked up through your fake eyelashes and sent him a lazy smile, "Yeah, didn't quite uhm, end up – end up the way I expected," You managed to stammer through your sentence, hoping he could understand some of what you were saying.

"Well we've all been there... Do you need help?" He asked and looked down at your hands that were full, "Because you've dropped a couple of things in the gutter..."

You looked down and realised you'd dropped not only your phone but also your purse, a powder compact and a small sketchbook, "I'm – I'm a real fucking idiot and I've lost my keys... I think... I think I left them in the uber," You confessed and conceded the obvious. You were locked out of your apartment in the dead of an English winter, dressed like an expensive escort. A disaster.

"Ah, crap. Have you given anyone a spare key?"

The glimmer in his eyes as you looked up from your bag made your heart skip a little in your chest. He was handsome, the curls you’d clocked falling onto his forehead as he stood up, and you couldn't stop staring until he snapped you out of your trance, your name falling effortlessly from his chapped, shivering lips, breath causing a thick fog to form in front of your confused face.

"Oh... uhm, my – my friend... ah shit what's her name?... God, what is wrong with me," You grumbled, breath mingling in the cold air as you rubbed your face, "What's your name again?"

"It's Lando," He kindly replied with a soft chuckle and tucked away the objects he’d picked up for you, knowing there was no way you would be able to do any of that in the state you were in.

“Lando,” You repeated quietly, “Like the star trek dude? I’ve never seen it but… that’s right, right?” Even you could hear your incoherent mumblings, making yourself physically cringe because he was too polite to correct you, “Just stop talking, idiot.” You whispered to yourself, or at least you hoped he didn’t hear you. He did.

"Definitely named after the dude in star trek,” He chuckled softly and scanned the empty street, wondering what the hell he was going to do with a drunk, helpless woman.

He couldn’t leave her like this but he also had plans – a blind date that had been sprung on him and set up by Carlos at the gym. Sure, he had been regretting saying yes to it but he hadn’t been out on a date in months, maybe longer and he was sick of the late night hook up that had become too much of a regular occurrence, though completely random. He wanted more than that, something worth his precious time and he didn’t need the drama that came from the one-night stands. It didn’t even matter how good it felt in the moment. Occupied sheets and empty promises didn’t keep him warm at night. It made him physically ill.

But now he was faced with what was obviously a challenge – a beautiful mess of a rescue mission. 

“Look, why don't you come in out of the cold and we'll call your nameless friend who has your spare key?"

Your eyebrows furrowed and you blinked a couple of times before looking at the locked door beside you, "I can't go inside because *hiccup* I've lost my keys... I think I left 'em in that uber... But he was just here, I swear..."

Lando stifled a giggle again and slowly nodded, "Yep, we've been over that but I meant my place. Not sure if you remember this but I live over the street from you... Right there," He gestured towards the opposite building and you rolled your eyes.

"I know that, buddy," You sarcastically retorted, "I'm not stupid." You were slurring up a storm and he simply smiled in response – his patience was commendable.

"My apologies... But I'm freezing and you're turning blue so come on – I promise I'm not a weirdo," He held out his hand and nodded towards his building, blue eyes glimmering under the dim streetlight.

You sighed and linked your icy fingers with his, "You better not be a weirdo..." You rasped and let him guide you over the road, silently enjoying clinging to his muscular bicep and watching his ringlets blowing in the wind.

As you let your entire body weight brush against his arm, you felt something sharp digging into your ribs, a foreign object that you swore wasn’t there before. You stopped in your tracks, leaving Lando confused as you reached into your jacket pocket and pulled out a set of keys – "Wow."

“Oops,” You grimaced, goofy grin instantly sweeping across your face when Lando looked down at your hands, chuckling at you as you stumbled out of his grasp, “Guess you don’t get to murder me tonight, Lawrence!”

“Not even close,” He shuffled back with a smile and observed your every move, ready to swoop in if you did stack it in the middle of the street. You were like a baby giraffe, clomping across the damp asphalt in your heels, giggling to nobody. “You know where I live if you need anything.”

“Yeah, yeah!” You shouted back, trying your best to smoothly exit the situation and from your perspective, you were killing it.

But reality was a cruel, unforgiving beast – and you were failing miserably to play it cool as you toppled through the building door and nearly face-planted into the couch nestled in the foyer. It was a miracle that you didn’t fall, Lando thought as a smitten grin surfaced on his frost bitten cheeks while he walked upstairs to his own apartment, drafting the dreaded ‘sorry I can’t make it' text but feeling no regret at all.

You were all he could think about for the rest of the night – a beautiful hurricane rolling through his life for the briefest of moments, a burst of long wavy hair, trench coat fluttering in the wind and for a second he wished, deep down that maybe you had lost your keys. As quickly as that thought crossed his mind, he shooed it away – knowing already that you were out of his league, hell, you weren’t even playing the same sport. What the fuck was he going to do if he did get you up here, away from civilisation where it was just the two of you? God help him.

From a distance, you seemed sophisticated, witty, chaotic fun – all traits that had him staring at his ceiling, soundlessly wondering when he would see you again. Soon, he hoped.

“Six tequila shots, Jen! We’re celebrating!” You yelled over the loud EDM music blasting through the club, the smell of testosterone and Acqua di gio aftershave mixing in the already thick, humid air.

“Of course, girl! What are we celebrating?” The bartender asked smiling from ear to ear. Jen, who by day was a barista at your local café, had become one of your closest friends in the city and was always cheering you on from the sidelines while serving you the best coffee in London.

“I quit my soul sucking job and told Patrick to shove it up his arse!” You shouted, waving your arms in the air along with your best friend who had insisted on helping commemorate this magnificent occasion, “I finally bit the bullet and did it, Jen and I feel bloody amazing!”

Jen leaned over and grasped your forearms, “Super proud of you, sis. ‘Bout fucking time you did something for yourself.”

You couldn’t argue with that. She was right.

It had been a week since your drunken run in with your neighbour. Humiliating was the first thought that came to mind, head thumping for days following. You hadn’t seen him since that ill-fated night and there was a small part of you that searched for him whenever you left for work, eyes quickly glancing across the street in case fate was working your favour and he was leaving too. Happenstance.

But you were never that lucky and the week had gone from bad to worse at work – your boss had finally lost the plot and you were done, once and for all. No amount of love for your craft was worth being berated by a self-righteous, egotistical arsehole. He’d pushed too far and you were out of there, rucksack haphazardly slung across your shoulders and a smile bigger than the moon on your face. You were free – until the reality of unemployment hit.

London was your home and it had been for the better part of a decade, working at different tattoo parlours, building a solid client list along the way until you’d reached the top and now, finally opting out of the cruel, unrelenting torture that was working under Patrick. Life was too short and your thirties were well underway, that biological clock forever ticking while everyone else seemed to be settling down, buying that dream house with a picket fence. That wasn’t for me, you told yourself so you could sleep at night.

So much of your life was based around career goals and aspiration, so many of those things had been ticked off before your thirtieth birthday last year and it left you wondering where the time had gone. Your twenties had whizzed by faster than your teens and it made that hole in your heart, where you presumed personal goals were supposed to live feel emptier than ever. Especially when those friends you’d stayed in touch with since high school were having their second or third baby, getting married, some for the second time. Where had the time gone?

It was passing you by and even though you gave yourself that pep talk late at night, looking up at your ceiling, questioning whether you would ever find someone to share it all with or if you even wanted that, time continued to tick. Fleeting memories, first dates, and awkward one-night stands – they were all you really had in terms of a love life. The term ‘love life’ was probably over reaching, because if it was a life, it was fucking tragic.

But it was all you had. That and a kickass group of friends who had your back, setting you up with their husbands cute friends, until they turned out to be misogynistic arseholes, or worse – secretly married. In a population of 9 million, you would think there would be a plethora of kind, sweet men but you couldn’t seem to find one. And that led to the one question that did keep you up at night – maybe it’s me. Am I the problem?

“Babe, you’ve got it all. A gorgeous apartment, a beautiful puppy, you’re going to accomplish the dream you’ve had since you were 14 years old! There’s so much going for you that having a guy means nothing. And fuck men, honestly. I’m so glad we’re out here doing this because I’m one wet towel away from killing Jamie,” You couldn’t help but laugh at your best friend, Winnie.

“I’m serious!” And she was, the deadpan expression never faltering as you put your hands up for protection.

“I got you, I’m with you,” You defended, “I guess I just see everything else falling into place, even though my career path is a little murky right now but I’ll work that out… Love is the one thing I can’t figure out. What am I doing wrong?”

Winnie laughed and gripped your shoulder endearingly, “You are hot, like super hot. They are the issue, not you! Okay…” She trailed off and pushed another shot in your direction.

“Tonight’s the night. We are going to find you a cutie, someone fun. And it might just be a meaningless fuck like the rest but let’s deal with that in the morning,” She hiccupped, already tipsy from the shots.

You smiled and sweetly nodded, knowing that her intentions were coming from a good place but stomaching empty promises had become a regular occurrence. You’d lost count of how many guys she’d set you up with or found through dating apps when you went to the bathroom and came back to find her scrolling through, squealing every time a guy she liked matched with you. It all just felt pointless – and a little desperate. Okay, maybe a lot desperate but you appreciated her trying to help.

So you let her pull you through the crowd to where the rest of your friends were standing, all pouring shots down their throats and getting “wild”. A group of women in their early 30s, most with a kid or two or hadn’t been out to a club in months, some years. It was carnage but you appreciated them all coming out to celebrate you. It gave you something to hold onto even when the rest of your personal life was slowly sinking like the titanic, no safety boat in sight.

Until – you heard your name, loud and clearly from behind your friend. The voice was familiar, oddly so, like you’d imagined it somewhere along the lines and it wasn’t real. Lando’s face bobbed up from the side, smile adorning his sweet face, enthusiastic wave quickly followed and you returned it, the same smile too. His cheeks were flushed and eyes slightly bloodshot. You could tell he was tipsy.

“Hello stranger,” You greeted shyly, not knowing how to approach and apologise for the shameful display you showed last weekend. But before you could even get another word out, you were being pulled into a hug, a loose, one arm kind of hug but a hug nonetheless.

He was warm, perspiring ever so slightly as your cheek brushed across his damp neck, no doubt caused by the high humidity inside the club that was pumping. The lingering scent of Dior Sauvage mixed with a woody scented shampoo were notes you picked up on as your arm slipped around his waist, gently giving him a squeeze before you pulled away, half-heartedly.

“Glad you’re alive and well!” Lando shouted over the loud music, still beaming as you leaned in a little closer, “I am so, so, so sorry about last weekend… I’m not usually – well, no sometimes I get a little too heavy handed with my good friends gin and tonic but that was next level and not at all who I am typically… Just yeah, super embarrassed!”

Lando nodded empathetically, “Don’t be. You were, and I mean this is the nicest possible way; you were the most entertaining part of my week… So you’re drinking gin and tonic, yeah?” He asked, glancing down at your empty hands before turning to the bartender and hailing him over.

“Just a gin and tonic and a corona, please mate.”

Lando swivelled back your way, still grinning while he took in your surroundings, “Girls night out?” He asked, curious as to why you were out with your friends.

“Sort of,” You began to explain before graciously accepting the drink he had bought you, “I quit my crappy job and they insisted we celebrate – but between you and me, I think they’re just bored of their husbands and kids." Your whisper made him laugh, that serotonin boost lighting up your senses again, just like it did a week ago when you first met. Sparks flying.

“Makes sense," He nodded with a furrowed brow, looking serious before cracking a smile, "Congrats on quitting your shitty job, I’m sure your boyfriends here celebrating with you too, no?”

There was a glint in his eyes as they scanned the room and landed back on yours, eagerly awaiting your response. You didn’t give it to him straight away, letting him stew on that question for a couple seconds longer than humane, until he took a sip of his beer, finding something to occupy himself with while you left him there hanging.

“No boyfriend.”

Your answer was simple – to the point and Lando appreciated that as he let go of the deep sigh rattling around in his chest. Was he being nosy? Absolutely but he was also hedging his bets, knowing that if you did have a boyfriend and you looked like that then he wouldn’t have his two front teeth by the end of the night. He had to know for certain before he bought you another drink. And definitely before he asked you to dance.

There was barely a millimetre, if that between your body and his, only losing the warmth of his embrace when he twirled you around, giggling like teenagers who were superficially falling in love for the night. Your friend was the one who broke up the party, insisting that she said goodbye to you before leaving to relieve her babysitter.

“Everyone’s gone home and I think I’m gonna head off too,” She yelled before tugging you closer, “But have fun with your boy toy,” She whispered into your ear, her smirk telling as you pulled back and rolled your eyes.

“Stop it. It’s just a bit of harmless dancing,” You scoffed in return, but she’d known you since you were knee high to a grasshopper, practically experiencing all of life’s milestones in tandem – until she found her prince charming and had his babies, a betrayal like no other.

“Sure, sure,” She winked because she knew that there was a 90% chance that you wouldn’t make it home, or if you did, it was only because your place was closer than his, “Call me tomorrow morning when you get home.”

The cheek, you thought as she strutted off into the crowd, disappearing into the stormy London night. You were at a crossroads, standing in the middle of the club and searching the room for Lando. He’d given you space to speak with your friend, a subtle sign of respect while he rushed to the bathroom and splashed his face with water.

Get it together, he muttered, cursing his rosy cheeks and uncooperative curls, the bundle of ringlets gathering like a nest on the crown of his head. He didn’t want to look shabby in front of you, especially since he'd identified your expensive perfume and had noticed the red-bottomed heels adorning your feet. You were the uptown girl they were talking about in that song, the tune now on the tip of his tongue as he pushed through the bathroom door, whistling along to the silent song stuck in his head.

And there you were, lost in the crowd, searching. He wondered for a second whether you were looking for him or if your friend had just come over to tell you something and she was coming back. But when your eyes met, you smiled big. Grinning and relieved to see those bright blue eyes drawing you in from across the room, a familiar face to ease your nerves. You glided to him like a magnet magically pulling you both to the halfway point, hands immediately reaching, needy to feel the others touch again.

Winnie’s words rang in your ears, so sure of herself and what she knew about you. Your bad habits. You wanted to spite her and bid Lando farewell but when you watched his tongue swiping across his pouty bottom lip and that boyish smile tug at the corners of his mouth again, you were done for – hook, line and sinker.

“Do you wanna get out of here?”

click here for part two

a/n – i really hope you enjoyed the 7k word introduction *facepalm* to this mini-series – it got away from me a little bit but i'm excited about exploring long form writing on tumblr so follow for updates and lmk what you think so far!

[saintmeghanmarkle]

📋 𝐌𝐞𝐠𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐌𝐌 𝐯𝐢𝐚 𝐀𝐑𝐎, 𝐀𝐫𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐲𝐩𝐞𝐬 𝐏𝐨𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝟒𝟎𝐱𝟒𝟎 📋

📌 ARO jam recipients (as of May 27th, 2024)

Tracy Robbins (designer, wife of Paramount Pictures CEO Brian Robbins) *

Delfina Balquier (Argentine socialite, wife of Nacho Figueras) * and Nacho Figueras (professional polo player) *

Kelly Mckee Zajfen (friend, Alliance of Moms founder) *

Mindy Kaling (actress and comedian) *

Tracee Ellis Ross (actress, daughter of Diana Ross)

Abigail Spencer (friend, Suits co-star) *

Chrissy Teigen (television personality, wife of John Legend)

Kris Jenner ('Momager') *

Garcelle Beauvais (actress, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills) *

Heather Dorak (friend, yoga instructor) *

📌 Archetypes podcast guests

Serena Williams 🏆

Mariah Carey 👑

Mindy Kaling (actress and comedian) *

Margaret Cho (comedian and actress)

Lisa Ling (journalist and tv personality)

Deepika Padukone (Indian actress)

Jenny Slate (actress and comedian)

Constance Wu (actress)

Paris Hilton (entrepreneur, socialite, activist)

Iliza Shlesinger (comedian and actress)

Issa Rae (actress and writer)

Ziwe (comedian and writer)

Sophie Grégoire Trudeau (former wife of Canadian PM Trudeau)

Pamela Adlon (actress)

Sam Jay (comedian and writer)

Mellody Hobson (President and co-CEO of $14.9B Ariel Investments, Chairwoman of Starbucks Corporation, wife of George Lucas)

Victoria Jackson (entrepreneur, wife of Bill Guthy: founder of Guthy-Renker, leading direct marketing company)

Jameela Jamil (actress, television host)

Shohreh Aghdashloo (Iranian and American actress)

Michaela Jaé Rodriguez (actress and singer)

Candace Bushnell (Sex and The City writer)

Trevor Noah (South African comedian)

Andy Cohen (talk show host)

Judd Apatow (director, producer, screenwriter)

source

📌 40x40 participants

Adele 🌟

Amanda Gorman (poet and activist)

Amanda Nguyen (activist)

Ayesha Curry (actress, cooking television personality)

Ciara (singer and actress)

Deepak Chopra (author and alternative medicine advocate)

Dr. Nadine Burke Harris (former Surgeon General of California)

Elaine Welteroth (former Editor-in-Chief of Teen Vogue)

Dr. Ibram X Kendi (professor and anti-racism activist)

Fernando Garcia (creative director of Oscar de la Renta)

Gabrielle Union (actress)

Gloria Steinem (feminist journalist and social-political activist)

Hillary Clinton (politician, wife of former US President Bill Clinton)

Katie Couric (journalist) *

Kerry Washington (actress)

Chef José Andrés (founder of World Central Kitchen)

Melissa McCarthy (actress)

Princess Eugenie (member of British Royal Family)

Priyanka Chopra (actress)

Sarah Paulson (actress)

Sofia Carson (actress)

Sophie Grégoire Trudeau (former wife of Canadian PM)

Stella McCartney (fashion designer, daughter of Paul McCartney)

Dr. Theresa "Tessy" Ojo - CBE, FRSA (Diana Award CEO)

Tracee Ellis Ross (actress, daughter of Diana Ross)

Unconfirmed - Edward Enninful (former Editor-in-Chief of British Vogue)

Unconfirmed - Daniel Martin (makeup artist) *

An official list of all "40x40" participants was never disclosed

source 1 // source 2 // source 3

📌 Notes:

Names with an asterisk (*) indicate that they follow ARO on Instagram

Notably missing from these lists: Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos and wife Nicole Avant, Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez, Beyoncé, Tina Knowles, Tyler Perry, Oprah Winfrey, Gayle King, Kevin Costner, Ellen DeGeneres, Portia Rossi *, Brooke Shields, John Travolta, Kelly Rowland, Holly Robinson Peete, Misan Harriman *, Michael Bublé

Wedding guests missing from these lists: Jessica Mulroney, George and Amal Clooney, David and Victoria Beckham, Idris Elba and Sabria Dhowre, James Blunt and Sofia Wellesley, Janina Gavankar, Elton John and David Furnish, James Corden and Julia Carey, Patrick J. Adams and the rest of the cast of Suits, Joss Stone, Tom Hardy and Charlotte Riley, Carey Mulligan and Marcus Mumford [Source]

Sunshine Sachs must've called in a LOT of favors to get so many famous names on board the Archetypes Podcast and the 40x40 project. Vanity projects that went... nowhere.

Without Sunshine Sachs, IMO it's highly unlikely that M will ever be able to reach the same level of celebrity access on her own.

If there are any names missing from these lists, please comment below 👇

Post link

author: SeptièmeSens

submitted: May 27, 2024 at 06:44PM via SaintMeghanMarkle on Reddit

disclaimer: all views + opinions expressed by the author of this post, as well as any comments and reblogs, are solely the author's own; they do not necessarily reflect the views of the administrator of this Tumblr blog. For entertainment only.

[names-for-alters]

Hello one and all, alters and headmates! I am Charlie! I like to make lists! I also hoard names! Are you looking for a name? GREAT! You can send an ask and request a specific aesthetic or origin of name, or you can look at my list!

With that said…

…Cracks knuckles…

Findo Tach Tails Flicker Tracer Kat Iris Blu Brick Arlo Sammy Artie Finn Stein Aleksandr Vora Olive Luna Nyx Cyrus Qrow Orian Cello Onyx Skye Grim Opal Dawn Azure Fish Bones Poppy Bronze Eggs Sparky Specs Snickers Trout Navi Bingo Chili Bandit Stripe Busker Socks Brandy Frisky Winston Lucky Chucky Bently Judo Rusty Max Honey Indie Calypso Striker Merle Moxxie Vex Ant Bugger Bee Spider Tails Hook Indigo Amber Coco Coral Scarlet Ivory Jade Ruby Emerald Chuck Loden Copper Hamelin Neo Shepard Cinnamon Visor Macalister Soul Hack Hiccup Flynn Rider Astrid Jay Raven Robyn Bolt Dagger Viper Tracer Cornwall Flock Sapphire Crystal Ghost Mochi Trick Catra Rose Raven Flip Chani Racket Red Crimson Dragon Runt Scotch Tellie Gator Croc Crow Goat Duck Creeper Kuma Jet Jeep Draco Poppy Sombra Raine Squish Spike Blaze Ender Drake Sandy MK PJ DJ CJ MJ King Creak Shadow Clay Dusty Miles Dart Willow Antonius Husk Moth Cypher Jin Yin Yang Daisy Gray / Grey Alistair Halo Angel Cake Fennec Fox Null Lull Bastion Lucky Sun Star Cosmo Tweety Vox Nerys Sonic Bark Birch Oak Cherry Blossom Peaches Velvet Shell Coffee Valley Fang Moot Redpath Pudding X V Jr Ether Fig Trunk Joy Frogger Snowflake Snowball Snow Jumper Racket Flare Vendetta Loonie Coin Six Eleven Tropica Stelina Mojave Ink Sud Fender Zero Pollen Wysteria Page Ozias Rex Tortch Buck Nickel Stripe Lynch Tramp Wolf Pup Tank Jhariah Kharma Zenith Sparrow Prism Lemon Mune Lamb Pyke Diamond Parker Graves Fizz Nugget Melody Tink Blight Fangless Ambress Vulture Eclipse Luka Bangle Constance Constantine Sommar Babble Clank Bobble Chipper Aidan Slate Tin Twire Zephyr Silver Misty Faunus Atlas Birdie Brook Cedar Chip Coal Daisy Ember Faye Fate Fern Flint Harmony Helios Ivy Junx Kit Lyria Phoebe Piper Lady Beacon Elos Rumble Ida Cross Zed Scootie Smidge Clauger Happy Sonny Hath Soldier River Song Clawtor Videl Legen Onen Chunk Reid Pop Cobra Cash Clover Saris Volante Donna Belladonna Gale Chopper Morphias Vidia Loft Kape Levi Licker Howl Dustin Newt Creek Breezy Polaris Blight Archer Sirius Warren Dream Goon Cookie Ranger Amity Jericho Viggo Besko Asra Alice Olaf Mossfeld Issic Missy Rascal Creasy Nonya Hex Pita Miguel Manuel Rayburn Daisy Dash Lucky Becky Steele Cylo Featherstone Kingston Netherfield Reacher Saltburn Quick Rubble Dust Brimstone Humble Ado Grover Norvanos Leshy Blade Cooper Calcium

Leo

Leonardo

Lebony

Silver

Linzier

Pearl

blackberry

Tatin

Bud

Raphael

Pebble

Mina

Linda

Oolong

Daeo/Dayo/Dao

Inco

Ketlyn

Risa

Ines

Lora

Flock

Lux

Rix

Reah

Destinty

Bet

Ange

Krixa

Lalien

Gloom

Bug

Rozy

Mars

Screech

Jenny

Robert

Patrick

Pierre Rosemary

Henderson

Mayfield

Sinclair

Sullivan

Hart

Solace

Daughtler

Stoll

Gatlin

Yearwood

Amos

Graves

Rothschild

Halley

Spektor

Presley

Redd

Blackwood

Notvletti

Valerie

Milo

Marian

Lychee

Aiden

Nova

Vel

Bel

Yuri

Puro

Pluto

Ramona

Angel

Nada

Shen

Mog

Hania

Udge

Kinetic

Kikos Wathel

Dupa

Sierre

Jimor

Teddy

coc

Scara

River

Shade

Foenem

Duck

Emily

Toast

Reunna

Ichigo

Rae

Sonic

MoonL

Lennus

cabaran

Marto

Leveer

Granite

Tongle

Gavril

Luella

[smellsliketeen-cringe]

Beautiful Boy

Contains: body image insecurities Ship: Patrick x Billy, aka kingrove Word Count: 682

They're lying comfortably on Patrick's new bed studying for Mr. Mathison's history exam when Billy shuts his textbook with a loud sigh. Patrick cocks a curious eyebrow at his boyfriend. "What's going in your head, babe?"

"Nothing." Billy always looks stunned whenever he gets called "babe." It's the same face he makes when Patrick kisses him. "I was just thinking, that's all."

"Don't be a stranger. Come back to Earth with the rest of us."

Billy squeezes out a choked wheeze. "You don't wanna hear my shit."

Patrick scoots closer to him with the ghost of a smile. "Wouldn't have asked if I didn't wanna hear it. I'm all ears."

Billy hesitates before he mutters, "Team weigh-ins are next week. It's no secret that living with you and your Aunt Rachel has gotten me all ... soft."

Patrick stays silent, listening intently. There's a definite truth to what he's hearing. Auntie Rae is a great cook, and with Billy now working as a taste tester at her girlfriend Cheryl's bakery, it's not exactly a surprise that Billy's sturdy frame has been pleasantly filling out little by little.

However, the way he says “soft” suggests that he doesn’t view these changes as a good thing. Patrick’s got to tread lightly here. 

“I’m gonna get cut from the team.” 

“Coach would be crazy to do that. You’re one of our best players.” “Not now that I’ll be huffing and puffing when I’m running around the court. I doubt my uniform fits anymore.” 

“You’re still in shape.”

“Round is a shape, isn’t it?” Billy grimaces, poking at his pudgy stomach. 

“I’ll still love you if Coach kicks you off the team.” Patrick tries again. 

Billy sends him a smile that doesn’t meet his somber eyes. 

So Patrick decides to be bolder.

He slips his hand under Billy’s turquoise sweater, and the other boy immediately tries to suck in. “I love you.”

Billy breathes out as Patrick’s hand rubs his chubby side. 

“And I love this.” 

“C’mon, seriously, you don’t have to-” 

"You've never looked more comfortable. More relaxed. This may sound stupid, but I'm happy I get the privilege of seeing you like this."

“A privilege, huh?”

“Yeah. So if eating makes you happy, then don’t stop.” “You don’t think I should cut back or anything?” 

“It doesn’t matter what I think.” 

Billy clears his throat and starts to tug nervously at his collar. 

“What I want is for you to keep being happy. And I really, really think... no, I know ... you’re beautiful.” To back up his words, Patrick begins to headbutt his way under his bashful boyfriend’s sweater. 

“There’s no space. It’s a little snug,” Billy says, bowing his head like it’s something he should be ashamed of. 

“Then why don’t I take it off?” 

“You won’t think it’s nice to look at.”

“It felt nice. Your tummy.” 

“That’s-that’s different!” 

“Your tummy’s gonna be beautiful."

“How do you know that?”

"'Cause it's the rule."

"What rule?"

“Humor me.” Patrick withdraws his hand from Billy’s stomach. For all his disdain towards it, the freckled boy whines at the loss of touch. “You don’t have to take it off if you don’t want to-”

“You can do it. I’ll just shut my eyes.” 

Patrick nods, rolling the sweater up until it rests under Billy’s padded chest. Billy stiffens, holding his hands over his eyes as Patrick admires his lovely, plump stomach. Tiger-like stripes decorate his sun-kissed skin. 

As if he’s reading Patrick’s mind, Billy mutters scornfully, “They’re stretch marks. I look-”

“Just as I thought. Beautiful."

And he kisses each and every one of those lovely marks until Billy stops sucking in.

"Quit squirming."

"I can't help it! Your mustache is tickling me. Damn you, Pat!" he laughs his terrible, perfect laugh, his ocean eyes lighting up more and more with every kiss.

When Auntie Rae comes in to tell them that supper’s ready, Patrick mouths that they’ll be in the dining room soon, just give them five more minutes. 

Fifteen minutes later they stumble out of Patrick’s room with their clothes inside out.

[darkrpfinder]

🕊️ hello! 28 she/her, looking for an rp partner for some dark themes/smut with an around 70/30 to 60/40 smut to plot ratio (i love a good plot). i do not roleplay with minors. 25+ partners are preferred. themes i'm interested in writing include:

noncon, degradation, dirty talk (filthier the better), legal age gaps, cheating/blackmail, omegaverse, horror, enemies to lovers/enemies with benefits, object insertion, cnc/dub con, daddy kinks, breeding, bdsm

hard limits: scat, vore, any other bathroom kinks, feet, feeding/feeder

i'm open to mxm, mxf, and fxf ships, with a strong preference to playing characters who are bottoms/submissives. i'm open to both fandom and original universe roleplays, with some of my favorite genres being fantasy, crime, supernatural, and historical (french revolution, victorian, ancient eras (vikings, ancient greek, etc.) being some of my favorite).

fandoms/ships i'd love to roleplay include (i've bolded the characters i'd love to play, characters ordered as top dominant/bottom submissive):

ekko x jinx (arcane/league of legends)

sevika x jinx (arcane/league of legends)

silco x jinx (arcane/league of legends)

yelena belova x kate bishop (marvel)

eddie brock/venom x felicia hardy (marvel)

kraven the hunter x felicia hardy (marvel)

eddie munson x chrissy cunningham (stranger things)

eros x psyche (greek mythology)

dionsus x ariadne (greek mythology)

thanatos x minthe (greek mythology)

achilles x patroclus x briseis (the illiad)

misc fandoms (no set canons, though i'd love ocs): hunger games, the grisha universe, the acotar fandom, star wars, the last of us

plots i'd love to do:

your character is a wealthy patron of the parisian opera, who has elected to sponsor a soloist of the parisian opera. are they wealthy? are they secretly a criminal mastermind? either way, she's indebted to do whatever he wants

your character is a supernatural creature who kidnapped my character, but my character escaped. they're now stuck in a cat and mouse chase

vague ideas that i'd love to explore but can't think of a specific plot for: a/b/o verse anything (i'd would love to play an omega character, especially for an mxf or fxf plot), plots involving the hunger games (perhaps two former victors, or a victor and a capitol citizen), anything involving the assassin's creed fandom (perhaps a templar/assassin ship?), enemies to lovers, anything with criminal characters, etc.

faces i love using: cindy mello, lorena rae, ashley moore, archie renaux, golshifteh farahani, christina nadin, rachel zegler, chantel jeffries, kelly gale, madison beer, braydee cardinal, yovanna ventura, holly lim, shonali singh, josie canseco, madelyn cline, savio de chiara, grace van dien, rocio crusset

faces i love playing against: barry keoghan, stephen james, winston duke, florian montaneau, giuseppe maggio, patrick gibson, theo james, dev patel, andy biersack, richard madden, max irons, reece king, ben dahlhaus, folkwin wolfspeer, cillian murphy, jack o'connell, post malone, dichen lachman, sydney sweeney, honestly any and all faces i'm open to.

i range from large posts to small posts, and would love to do this via discord. maybe even make a server for us to write in! please like this post and i'll reach out. (sorry this is so long, i've never written one of these before and thought to cover as many bases as possible).

.

[pregnancykink]

for the end of the yeaaarrrrr: 4, 7, 12, 18, 25

<333

4. movie of the year: easily cocaine bear. i posted abt this the other night but i loved it so much i saw it twice in theatres. it wasn't a prequel, sequel, spinoff, remake, no capitalizing on nostalgia value, it was a straight up original movie and it was so much fun. campy gore, good comedy, a fun ending, all of the actors were fantastic and a good soundtrack too. loved it, it was exactly what i needed it to be

7. favorite actor of the year: i don't watch many new tv shows and movies admittedly, but i finally saw x (i know it came out in 2022) and was very impressed with mia goth, so probably her

12. talk about a new friend you made this year: did we meet in 2022 or 2023 i can't remember!? i'm just gonna say you anyway, rae i'm so glad u entered my life ur so funny and also i can always go to you when i'm in hater mode but also serious mode and i had so much fun when u came to visit ily <3

18. a memorable meal this year: bro i had this crazy good gnocchi and short rib at the bar on st. patrick's day lol bc we decided to eat so we could get a table and the bar was so crowded, and it was SO good and i went back for it later to make sure it wasn't only good bc i was drunk and yup. still good. also my dad made prime rib for xmas eve and my brother made creme brulee and bro.....incredible

25. did you create any characters (in games, art, writing) this year? describe one: ok yes i started a new d&d campaign and made my boy val. he's a 330~ year old monster hunter who survived a massacre on his family when he was a kid and is convinced whatever killed them is after him. he has the haunted one background and is convinced everyone who gets close to him will die so he's spent most of his life alone as a monster hunter and is super awkward and i love him so much. he's a shadar-kai and this meme sums him up:

[bookgeekgrrl]

My media this week (12-18 May 2024)

the fucking contempt that dripped from his voice!

📚 STUFF I READ 📚

😊 Tea and No Sympathy (who_la_hoop) - 70K, drarry - enjoyable enough, set 2 yrs post war, draco gets stuck in a time loop & learns some things

😊 That's What You Get For Waking Up In Vegas (Oh_i_swear & ThePirateStorm) - 96K, shrunkyclunks - cute & entertaining - ymmv depending on your threshold for lots of britishisms in the dialogue of two ostensibly american guys + highly unrealistic kid behavior

😊 head above water (yourblues) - 91K, hocky rpf, started almost too slow burn for me since I don't know the characters involved but well written & compelling enough that I wanted to know & then about halfway thru I was fully in

😍 This, You Protect (Infinite Coffee & Protection Detail #1) (owlet) - 64K, recovering WS Stucky, one of the preeminent classics in the Stucky fandom featuring Cat Eleanor, The Olds, grilled cheeses and sheep pj pants.

💖💖 +56K of shorter fic so shout out to these I really loved 💖💖

Kelly, the Well-Meaning and Very Confused Barista (chaya) - MCU: barbershop quartet, 6K - "An outside observer confuses the 'barbershop quartet' as one woman with a really bad habit for cheating. Complete fluff." - I really love a well-done outsider POV

and now you will not be alone any more (pocky_slash) - X-Men: cherik, 5K - "Erik gives driving, sewing, and cooking lessons, soothes nightmares, bolsters self-esteem, and still can't figure out why Charles keeps smiling at him like that." - love stories where Erik's like a feral cat that accidentally domesticates itself without realizing it

📺 STUFF I WATCHED 📺

Girls5eva - s1, e2

That '90s Show - s1, e1-2

The Unicorn - s1, e1-2

QI - series U, e9-15

Murdoch Mysteries - s16, e21

The Brokenwood Mysteries - s10, e3

Dead Boy Detectives - s1, e1

D20: Fantasy High: Junior Year - "Ragenarok (Part 1)" (s21, e19)

D20: Adventuring Party - "Only Cowgirls Get the Blues" (s16, e19)

Doctor Who - s1 (series 14), e3

🎧 PODCASTS 🎧

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Musée Mécanique

Re: Dracula - May 12: What Manner of Man is This

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - To the Moon and Back with Rebecca Boyle

Shedunnit - Bonus: The Chalet School

The Sporkful - Bringing Georgia O’Keeffe To Life With Her Recipes

99% Invisible #581 - It's Howdy Doody Time!

Decoder Ring - How the Jalapeño Lost Its Heat

WikiHole - Nathan Lane (with Zach Woods, Jeff Hiller and Katie Dippold)

Under the Influence - The Gong Show: Ads That Could Never (Ever) Run Today

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Bonnie and Clyde Ambush Museum

WikiHole - Patrick J Adams (with Bowen Yang, Mary Beth Barone and Marie Faustin

Points North - The Legend of Heike's Tombs

The Allusionist - 194. Word Play 4: Good Grids

Pop Culture Happy Hour - I Saw the TV Glow is weird and transfixing

Switched on Pop - Is pop music just fast food? (with Gastropod)

The Fandom Show - 29: The Golden Girls (with Tricia Black)

Dinner’s on Me - Zachary Quinto

99% Invisible #582 - Rocket Man

Vibe Check - Saying the Quiet Part Out Loud

Re: Dracula - May 15: Lizard Fashion

Pop Culture Happy Hour - Looking to the past and future of Black Twitter

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Underwater Sculpture Gardens

Welcome to Night Vale #248 - Mother Lauren

The Fandom Show - (NEW) Doctor Who

Re: Dracula - May 16: This Man Belongs to Me

Wild Card - Why Chris Pine gave up on being perfect

Wild Card - Chris Pine on performing the role of "movie star" + more Issa Rae (Wild Card+)

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Gabbing Goblins with Colin Dickey

Dinner’s on Me - Harry Shum Jr.

Persuasion by Jane Austen - Persuasion 1. | Meet the Elliots

The Fandom Show - Our Flag Means Death

Short Wave - Scientists Reveal Mysterious Origin of Baobab Trees, Rafiki's Home in 'The Lion King'

Dear Prudence - My Mom Forgot to Take Her Medicine and “Accidentally” Made Racist Remarks. Help!

It's Been a Minute - Bumble & the trap of modern dating; plus, living ethically in COVID's aftermath

Endless Thread - Catfish for dinner

Strong Songs - "Easter Theatre" by XTC

Dinner’s on Me - Danielle Brooks

Re: Dracula - May 18: It was No Dream

99% Invisible - The Power Broker #05: Brandy Zadrozny

Wait Wait… Don't Tell Me! - Maya Hawke

🎶 MUSIC 🎶

Sweetheart Soul

The Romantics Radio • Familiar

The Essential Survivor [Survivor] {2014}

My Supermix

AM In The A.M.: '70s Pop Morning

"Beach Baby" [First Class] radio

[prpfs]

🕊️ ♡ hello! 28 she/her, looking for a discord rp partner for some dark themes/smut with an around 70/30 to 60/40 smut to plot ratio (i love a good plot, but i'm also trying to do other stuff). i do not roleplay with minors. 25+ partners are preferred. themes i'm interested in writing include:

noncon, degradation, dirty talk (filthier the better), legal age gaps, cheating/blackmail, omegaverse, horror, enemies to lovers/enemies with benefits, object insertion, cnc/dub con, daddy kinks, breeding, bdsm

hard limits: scat, vore, any other bathroom kinks, feet, feeding/feeder

i'm open to mxm, mxf, and fxf ships, with a strong preference to playing characters who are bottoms/submissives. i'm open to both fandom and original universe roleplays, with some of my favorite genres being fantasy, crime, supernatural, and historical (french revolution, victorian, ancient eras (vikings, ancient greek, etc.) being some of my favorite).

fandoms/ships i'd love to roleplay include (i've bolded the characters i'd love to play, characters ordered as top dominant/bottom submissive):

ekko x jinx (arcane/league of legends)

sevika x jinx (arcane/league of legends)

silco x jinx (arcane/league of legends)

yelena belova x kate bishop (marvel)

eddie brock/venom x felicia hardy (marvel)

kraven the hunter x felicia hardy (marvel)

eddie munson x chrissy cunningham (stranger things)

eros x psyche (greek mythology)

dionsus x ariadne (greek mythology)

thanatos x minthe (greek mythology)

achilles x patroclus x briseis (the illiad)

misc fandoms (no set canons, though i'd love ocs): hunger games, the grisha universe, the acotar fandom, star wars, the last of us

plots i'd love to do:

your character is a wealthy patron of the parisian opera, who has elected to sponsor a soloist of the parisian opera. are they wealthy? are they secretly a criminal mastermind? either way, she's indebted to do whatever he wants

your character is a supernatural creature who kidnapped my character, but my character escaped. they're now stuck in a cat and mouse chase

vague ideas that i'd love to explore but can't think of a specific plot for: a/b/o verse anything (i'd would love to play an omega character, especially for an mxf or fxf plot), plots involving the hunger games (perhaps two former victors, or a victor and a capitol citizen), anything involving the assassin's creed fandom (perhaps a templar/assassin ship?), enemies to lovers, anything with criminal characters, etc.

faces i love using: cindy mello, lorena rae, ashley moore, archie renaux, golshifteh farahani, christina nadin, rachel zegler, chantel jeffries, kelly gale, madison beer, braydee cardinal, yovanna ventura, holly lim, shonali singh, josie canseco, madelyn cline, savio de chiara, grace van dien, rocio crusset

faces i love playing against: barry keoghan, stephen james, winston duke, florian montaneau, giuseppe maggio, patrick gibson, theo james, dev patel, andy biersack, richard madden, max irons, reece king, ben dahlhaus, folkwin wolfspeer, cillian murphy, jack o'connell, post malone, dichen lachman, sydney sweeney, honestly any and all faces i'm open to.

i range from large posts to small posts, and would love to do this via discord. maybe even make a server for us to write in! please like this post and i'll reach out. (sorry this is so long, i've never written one of these before and thought to cover as many bases as possible).

like if you're interested and anon will get back to you

[judasisgayriot]

Tagged by @buildarocketboys yeeeeeah boiiii

shuffle your ON REPEAT playlist and list the first 10 songs

If You Sing - Anarbor

“From Now On We Are Enemies” - Fall Out Boy

Run Dry (X Heart X Fingers) - Patrick Stump

The “I” In Lie - Patrick Stump

Twin Skeletons (Hotel In NYC) - Fall Out Boy

Sleeping In - All Time Low

Say Don’t Go (Taylor’s Version) - Taylor Swift

All You Had To Do Was Stay (Taylor’s Version) - Taylor Swift

Saturday - Fall Out Boy

Psychedelic Switch - Carly Rae Jepsen

It’s not ALL fob or patrick…

"your top 15 favorite tv shows can say a lot about your personality" (list your top 15 shows)

Uhhh man have I WATCHED 15 TV shows? Everything except the obvious is escaping me lol

Okay: Heroes (NBC) my top favourite AND my top least favourite TV show quite the achievement, Doctor Who, Gavin and Stacey, Galavant, Ashes to Ashes, Good Omens, Red Dwarf, Crazy Ex Girlfriend, god I don’t want to count Glee despite its undeniable psychological impact on me, Peep Show for Jez’s bisexuality arc alone, HSMTMTS for making me cry like a little bitch at the end and also stan Miss Jenn forever???, Star Vs the Forces of Evil but I fell off before the end, uhhh you know what I love? MasterChef: the Professionals and Grand Designs and GBBO but do those sorts of things count?? Lol anyway. Idk. There you go.

Bon appetit

[calliescashey5066]

Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: Rae Dunn ST PATRICKS DAY Canister LL By Magenta 2021 St Patrick Green Cover EUC

[hvlfwygod]

“—and then this bitch has the audacity to tell me it looks a little unfinished.” His voice had swung upward in pitch at the end, a bitter mockery of said bitch’s voice. “Fuck that. She’s a little unfinished. With her dumbass boring landscapes.” Patrick drained his wine glass and immediately moved to pour himself some more.

In the last few weeks he’d managed to stay away from pills, tabs, powders, but as a result his drinking spiked considerably. And, he was spending much less time alone. (He would not tell Rae this, but her company had been more helpful than he could express.) Alcohol was probably still a problem, but it was at the moment the lesser evil. He repeated this conclusion to Rae when he’d arrived an hour earlier with wine and handfuls of shooters, most for him.

Patrick continued his ranting as he refilled both his glass and Rae’s. “Like, how are you gonna kick me out the studio just to recreate the fucking Windows desktop screen for the hundredth time? And then tell me that my painting doesn’t look done? Bullshit.”

[staystrange]

a sentence in the story of us

Schitt’s Creek • Patrick Brewer / David Rose Rating: T • ~4k words • ao3

David realizes he has no idea what he’s going to walk into since everything he’d meticulously planned for months had been completely ruined by the stupid rain. But to his surprise, he realizes that none of that matters to him anymore, that all he needs for the wedding to be the thing of perfection that he’s always hoped it would be is Patrick at his side. And that’s where Patrick is right now, his smile limitless and his eyes incapable of straying far from David’s as if they were connected by an invisible string. David knows in that moment with extreme clarity that he’s never been happier in his entire life, and he also knows that Patrick would say the same without so much as a nanosecond of hesitation.

-or-

Scenes and moments from David and Patrick's wedding reception.

Title from "This Promise" by Sam Tsui and Casey Breves. If you want to add some joy to your day, go watch the music video - it's five minutes of footage from their wedding and it's beautiful.

David Rose pulls away from his first kiss with Patrick as husbands (husbands!!) and rubs his hands up and down the fabric of Patrick’s sleeves, mouthing “I love you” to him without caring that his eyes are definitely crinkling at the corners. Their arms extend across each other’s backs as they walk back down the aisle and towards the door to head over to the Café Tropical (Twyla’s Cafe Tropical now, David reminds himself), where, if all is going according to their new plan, everything should be set up for their wedding reception. David realizes he has no idea what he’s going to walk into since everything he’d meticulously planned for months had been completely ruined by the stupid rain. But to his surprise, he realizes that none of that matters to him anymore, that all he needs for the wedding to be the thing of perfection that he’s always hoped it would be is Patrick at his side. And that’s where Patrick is right now, his smile limitless and his eyes incapable of straying far from David’s as if they were connected by an invisible string. David knows in that moment with extreme clarity that he’s never been happier in his entire life, and he also knows that Patrick would say the same without so much as a nanosecond of hesitation.

When they reach the doorway, Patrick pulls David into a side hallway, leaving their families and their guests to walk out into the miraculously clear early evening without them. “Don’t worry, I told Stevie to set aside a plate of hors d’oeuvres for you in case they’re gone before we make it over there,” Patrick says softly, leaning in even closer to David.

David lets out a breathy laugh, burying his head in Patrick’s shoulder and whispering “I love you” in his ear. Apparently, the three words that David had only ever said twice before meeting Patrick are the only words he’s capable of saying to him now, and the only way he can express the overwhelming emotion filling him from head to toe. “You told her to save me extra of the potato puffs, right? Because those are —”

“Your favorite, I know, and yes, I did,” Patrick replies, finishing David’s thought. David’s eyes slowly travel down Patrick’s body and back up to his face again, and he knows Patrick’s are moving along a similar path, the silence that now fills the Town Hall allowing them a moment to appreciate each other in their wedding suits without being interrupted. “Okay, I never thought I’d say this, but I am so glad you managed to resist all of my attempts to get you to change your mind about not letting me see you in your wedding suit before today. As soon as I saw you, I almost stole you away from Alexis and kissed you before you made it down the aisle,” Patrick says.

“Just kissed me? That’s it?” David raises an eyebrow.

“Well, I would have done more than kiss you but we were in public, at our wedding no less.” Patrick’s breath hitches on the word “wedding” this time, and the tears that David had thought he’d run out of during the ceremony manage to return enough to fill his eyes. “David, you look, well, beautiful isn’t a strong enough word, but it’s the only one I can think of right now,” Patrick continues seriously, clasping his hands together at the nape of David’s neck, careful not to touch his perfectly-styled hair.

“You do too,” David replies, his fingers ghosting over Patrick’s sleeves again before coming to rest at Patrick’s waist. Their bodies press together, fitting together perfectly, and David is hyperaware of every point of contact between them like they’re flirting and dancing around each other in the store all over again. He sees Patrick glance down at David’s right hand, the light glinting off of his four gold engagement rings, and then at his left hand, bare except for the smooth gold wedding band on his left ring finger that perfectly matches the one in the same place on Patrick’s left hand. A tinge of disbelief works its way into Patrick’s expression - no, not disbelief, David realizes. It’s wonder. David kisses him then, and for a brief shocking moment he wishes he could stay in the grimy hallway with his lips against Patrick’s, in each other’s arms, sharing the same breaths, instead of joining everybody else at the café. But David knows his stomach would never stand for that, so he pulls back and sighs happily at his husband.

“Ready to head over, David?” Patrick asks.

“Ready when you are, Mr. Brewer,” David replies, picking up the bouquet of white roses he’d left on a nearby bench.

“It’s Mr. Rose now,” Patrick reminds him as they walk through the doorway, and he’s right, it is.

———

The door to the café is closed as they approach, but just as Patrick’s about to pull it open with his right hand (his left is holding David’s), Stevie cracks it open and smiles at the sight of them.

“Oh good, you’re here. We’re just about ready to introduce you two for your first dance, so wait for my cue. I’ll take those,” Stevie says, all business, as she reaches for the bouquet of flowers in David’s other hand, “and your potato puffs are waiting for you at the head table. Ronnie’s guarding them, and no one would dare mess with her, so no need to worry.”

“Thank you,” David says quietly. “You’re an incredible Maid of Honor.”

“I know,” Stevie replies with a smirk, but David knows she’s secretly pleased.

She slips back inside, and a few moments later, David hears her voice amplified through the café’s sound system. “It is my honor to present the grooms, Mr. and Mr. Rose, for their first dance as husbands.”

The door flies open, narrowly avoiding hitting Patrick in the face, and Jocelyn smiles at them with a hand on the door as David and Patrick walk into their wedding reception and take their places in the middle of the makeshift dance floor. The opening lyrics of “Simple Kind of Love” play from the speakers (they hadn’t been able to afford a live band or even a DJ, so David and Patrick had curated the perfect wedding playlist together) and David rests his head on Patrick’s shoulder again as they start to sway back and forth.

David remembers the day Patrick introduced him to what would eventually become their first dance song. It had been a rare day when neither of them was working at the store (the weather forecast had predicted so much snow that they’d decided to close the store for the day just to be safe), and David had woken up to the sound of Patrick’s acoustic guitar. He’d rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and sat up, listening for a few moments before walking over to Patrick and pressing a good morning kiss to his temple. “Is that an original song?” David asked once Patrick’s calloused fingers had stilled on the strings.

Patrick chuckled. “No, not this time. It’s just a song I found the other day and liked.”

“Can I hear it?” Patrick reached for his phone, but David rested his hand on Patrick’s arm to stop him. “I want to hear you sing it.”

Patrick nodded, his fingers returning to the guitar strings. David was surprised by how much he related to the song, the lyrics describing a love so magical that neither person needed anything else but each other. A few years ago, David would have scoffed at the idea, but as he listened to Patrick sing, he realized that at the end of the day, nothing else mattered as much as Patrick.

“She’s queer and Jewish, too, by the way,” Patrick had said after the last notes had faded away.

“What?” David responded, still lost in thought.

“The artist who wrote the song, she’s queer and Jewish. She recorded it with her wife.”

“Oh,” David said, surprised.

He didn’t say anything for a moment, and Patrick started nervously picking at the guitar strings. “You don’t like it,” he said, his hands still again.

David shook his head at how wrong he was. “No, Patrick, I love it,” he whispered. “Can you play it again?”

David saved the original recording to his Spotify account, and he started listening to it whenever his racing thoughts kept him awake long after Patrick’s breaths had evened out next to him. He’d once woken Patrick up by crying while listening to it, and Patrick had smiled his fond smile that he only ever shared with David and reached for one of his earbuds so they could listen to it together.

When it had been time to choose a song for their first dance at their wedding reception, they hadn’t even bothered to consider another option.

As they keep swaying, David notices that Patrick’s singing along softly so that only David can hear, and David holds his husband even tighter as he mouths the lyrics into Patrick’s shoulder.

‘Cause you’re right here, and that’s all I need from you Forever dear, my soul will cling to you And I know that we’re the simple kind of love And we don’t need anything but us

When the song ends, Patrick presses a gentle kiss to David’s lips and then another to his favorite spot on the side of David’s neck, pulling him into a hug.

Stevie and Alexis run up to meet them in the center of the room, throwing their arms around David and Patrick, who are still locked in each other’s embrace. The force of their impact knocks the breath out of David’s lungs for a moment, but he doesn’t mind; he’s filled to the brim with love anyway. The four of them stay huddled in a group hug for a few moments until David has to gently nudge Stevie and Alexis back so that he has room to breathe (because unfortunately it is not yet scientifically possible to sustain life on love alone). Patrick laughs, taking David’s hand and pulling him over to their seats.

———

David’s only halfway through his stash of potato puffs when Stevie takes the mic in her hand again and taps it to get everyone’s attention.

“Is this thing on?” she asks, her voice echoing through the room as she shifts from one foot to the other. “Okay good.” She has a crumpled bundle of papers in her hand, and David can tell even from a distance that they’re damp with nervous sweat. “While David stuffs his face with potato puffs —” David tries to shoot her an incredulous look in response, but fails miserably because his mouth is, in fact, stuffed with potato puffs — “I guess now is a good time to give my speech. As David knows, I can’t be sincere to save my life, but he asked me to do this anyway. So David, if this speech sucks, it’s your fault.” Everyone laughs, and Stevie looks pleased.

She clears her throat and flattens the papers against her leg before holding them up in front of her face. “When I met David when he first moved to Schitt’s Creek, all he was to me was the guy who was living in room 8 of the motel who demanded extra towels all the time. Then, he became the guy that I got high with and the only person in this town that I actually wanted to spend time with. For a brief moment in time, he was the guy that I was sleeping with — oh, don’t give me that look, Roland, everybody knows.” David chokes on the bite of potato puff in his mouth, and Patrick’s eyes widen. “But then we realized that we’d be better off as friends, and that’s what we’ve been to each other ever since.

“I’d never called anyone a real friend before David, and I think the same is true for him,” Stevie continues, and David nods in confirmation. “Having David as my friend has been the greatest honor and, dare I say it, joy of my life. He’s the only person I’ve ever known who’s as sarcastic and cynical and self-deprecating as I am, and the fact that we’re so alike is oddly comforting. After Patrick first arrived in town and had that fateful first meeting with David about the business license for his general but also very specific store, I started noticing changes in David. They were small ones at first, like the way he would smile fondly whenever he said Patrick’s name and the fact that he never shut up about him. But soon enough, those changes got bigger. I watched David push himself so far out of his comfort zone just to make Patrick happy, and along the way, he began to let himself trust people and be vulnerable with people. I guess I learned how to do some of that too just by being by his side and supporting and encouraging him through it all. David and Patrick have something that most people, myself included, only dream about, and watching them fall in love has been such an honor. I’m so happy for you both, and David, I promise I mean every single word of this and I’m not just keeping up our friendship for the free wine from the store.”

Stevie folds the pages back up and slides them into her pocket, raising her glass of champagne. “To David and Patrick.”

The rest of the room follows her lead, raising their glasses, some of them more full than others. “To David and Patrick.”

“To us,” Patrick says, turning in his chair to face David.

“To us.” David clinks his glass against Patrick’s and drains it.

———

There’s a little bit of a lull in energy as the guests finish their first course (mozzarella sticks, of course), so Stevie plugs the aux cord back into her phone and puts the wedding playlist back on. “Run Away With Me” by Carly Rae Jepsen blasts through the speakers, and David, more than a little buzzed after multiple glasses of champagne, jumps up from his seat, pulling Patrick to his feet. “We have to go dance, right now,” David insists. “Where’s Alexis?” He spots her on the dance floor already, making up dance moves on the spot with Twyla by her side.

David starts to walk toward her, but Patrick’s hand in his stops him from moving more than a few steps away from the table. “You don’t want to eat your main course first?” Patrick asks, gesturing to the plates that had just been set down on the table.

David considers his husband’s words for a few moments before shaking his head. “No thanks, there’s plenty of time for that later. You can’t just not dance when Carly Rae Jepsen plays. It’s a crime against humanity.” He scrunches his face up at Patrick and Patrick relents, following David’s lead as he joins Alexis and Twyla on the dance floor.

Before David realizes what he’s doing, he’s scream-singing the words along with Alexis, and more and more people are joining them on the dance floor. Once the second chorus hits, she hands him off to Patrick who had been dancing with Twyla. On “we could turn the world to gold,” Patrick takes David’s hand and holds it up, twirling David under their raised arms. The laughter that bubbles out of Patrick is unlike anything David’s ever heard before, and if this is what being married is like, David wants to spend the rest of his life making Patrick laugh like that.

“Hey, Patrick, will you run away with me?” David asks when the song ends, batting his eyelashes at Patrick.

“I already did the whole running away thing, remember?” Patrick replies, not giving in to David’s tipsy banter. “But sure, as long as it’s not a permanent thing.”

———

They dance to a few more songs on the wedding playlist, including another Carly Rae Jepsen song (“You can never have too many of her songs on a playlist, Patrick!”); Patrick’s favorite Taylor Swift song; and “Closer” by Tegan and Sara, a song that David has always loved but has gotten quite a bit more airtime on David’s Spotify since he’d started dating Patrick. “Always Be My Baby” by Mariah Carey plays next, and as David takes a break from dancing, he notices his parents slow dancing together and looking at each other with so much love that he can’t help but smile.

A few moments later, David turns to Patrick. “So that’s why you insisted on putting this song on the playlist. You had already planned to sing it as part of your vows.”

“Indeed I did,” Patrick says, resting his hands on David’s shoulders. “David, you still haven’t eaten, have you?”

David smiles sheepishly. “No, I haven’t, but it’s fine, the people getting married never actually eat at their wedding.”

“Yes, but this is you we’re talking about, and your dad spent so much money on this incredible food for us. We owe it to him to go eat at least some of it.”

“Fine, I guess you’re right.” David rolls his eyes, but doesn’t object when Patrick gently nudges him toward the table. When Patrick doesn’t sit down next to him, he raises an eyebrow. “Oh, so we’re being a hypocrite now, aren’t we?”

“I’m going to go get us some water, okay? You enjoy the food, and I’ll be back in a second.” Patrick leans in and kisses David on the cheek before walking toward the drink table in the back. David watches as his mom stops Patrick along the way, giving him a hug and saying something in his ear. He can’t tell what she says, but by the way Patrick’s face flushes pink, he figures it’s either something incredibly embarrassing or something genuine and sweet, which would be uncharacteristic from his mother but on a day like this one, anything is possible.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees someone sit in Patrick’s chair next to him, and when he realizes it’s none other than Marcy Brewer, his mother-in-law, he swallows down the bite of food he’s chewing and smiles softly at her. “Hey, Marcy. Having a good time?”

“I just wanted to tell you that you and my sweet boy planned a beautiful wedding,” she says, her fingers twisting in her lap.

David shakes his head, surprising himself with his humility. “I had nothing to do with any of this. This was all Patrick and my dad saving the day when the rain sent me into a state of complete panic.” David takes a deep breath, willing the tears to stay at bay and knowing that he won’t be able to hold them back if this conversation lasts much longer. “Thank you for raising him and helping to make him the wonderful person he is. I’m so happy with him.”

“Oh, honey, thank you for making him so happy. That’s all we’ve ever wanted for him, and when we see how he looks when he’s with you, we know he did the right thing when he left and moved here, even though it was hard for us to wrap our heads around at the time.” David nods in understanding. “Welcome to the family, David.”

“Thank you, Marcy,” David replies.

David feels a hand on his shoulder, and he looks up to see that his husband has returned with two large glasses of water. He hands one to David and turns to Marcy. “Can I have my husband back now, Mom?” he asks her, leaning against the side of David’s chair.

“Of course. I was just officially welcoming David to the family.” Marcy stands and returns to her seat next to her husband, but not before smiling fondly at David. David can tell where Patrick gets his fondness from.

“I didn’t bring you this glass of water for you to not drink it, David,” Patrick teases, snapping David out of his thoughts. He rolls his eyes and raises the glass to his lips.

———

It doesn’t feel like any time has passed at all before Tina Turner’s “The Best” is playing out of the café speakers and Stevie and his dad are carefully moving David and Patrick’s wedding cake out into the middle of the room. David gasps at how beautiful it is, it being the one somewhat extravagant part of David’s original vision for the wedding that hadn’t been ruined by the weather. The cake is a soft cream color with white roses that match David’s bouquet and Patrick’s boutonniere spiraling down from the top layer to the base. The cake and the icing are both vanilla flavored, and the filling on the inside is a light chocolate buttercream. David cannot wait to try it.

Stevie hands David a large knife, and David moves it so that he and Patrick can hold it between them. “Just so you know, if you shove cake in my face and not only ruin my flawless skin but waste perfectly good cake as well, I might have to ask for a divorce. You’ve been warned.”

“Okay, David,” Patrick replies. “Whatever you say.”

They wrap their hands around the knife handle and slowly press the blade down into the cake. Stevie helps them carefully lift up a large slice and slide it off the knife and onto a plate without dropping it, handing Patrick the plate along with a fork. Patrick loads a bite of cake onto the fork and extends it towards David’s mouth; David’s lips part, and the cake tastes every bit as incredible as he’d imagined when he’d ordered it. His eyes slide closed of their own volition and he hums contentedly.

“That good, huh?” Patrick asks, and David nods, opening his eyes again and taking the fork and the plate from Patrick.

“Your turn,” he says, a bite of cake already on the fork. Patrick opens his mouth and David slips the fork between his lips, serving himself another bite of the cake for good measure as Patrick chews.

“Oh, wow, David, I knew there was a reason why I trust your taste in food. This is on another level of perfect.”

“I told you it would be! I wouldn’t lie to you like that, Patrick,” David says, setting the plate with half a slice of cake left back on the table. Patrick picks it up again and jokingly pretends to throw it at David’s face. “Don’t you fucking dare. I wasn’t kidding about that divorce.” Patrick laughs and takes another bite of the cake instead. The opening chords of “I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)” lead Alexis, Stevie, and Twyla back to the dance floor, and David grabs Patrick’s arm and pulls him away from the cake to join them.

———

Many dances and at least one more slice of cake later, David is absolutely exhausted. Despite Schitt’s Creek’s small population, there are quite a few guests at the wedding, and all of them want their turn to dance with and talk to and congratulate David and Patrick. David appreciates it, of course, but all he really wants to do is talk to Patrick, kiss Patrick, just be with Patrick. Patrick, Patrick, Patrick. His husband.

“Ready to head out?” Patrick asks David quietly. “We have to be up early tomorrow to say goodbye to your parents, so if you want to make sure we have time to actually enjoy the rest of the night’s activities, we should go. Unless you’re too tired, in which case we can just go to sleep. I won’t be offended.”

“Are you kidding? I’m never too tired for you,” David replies, standing and taking Patrick’s hand.

“That’s a lie, you and I both know that, but sure.” Patrick bites his lip in an attempt to hold back his laughter and folds his suit jacket over his free arm. “Got everything?”

David nods. “Lead the way.”

[thisisamtrying]

david x patrick as carly rae jepsen’s emotions album

as requested by @olreid

run away with me- “i’ll find your lips in the street lights, i wanna be there with you.”

emotion- “dream about me and all that we could do with this emotion.”

i really like you- “and i want you, do you want me, do you want me too?”

gimmie love- “it’s the way we are together and i never thought i’d say forever.”

all that- “i wanna be the place you call your home.”

boy problems- “i gotta have it, i want you.”

making the most of the night- “when your heart is bleeding, i’m coming to get you.”

your type- “i’m sorry, i love you.”

let’s get lost- “never wanted to discourage everything your eyes encouraged silently.”

la hallucinations- “take me into your arms again and shake me from l.a. hallucinations.” 

warm blood- “i’ve told a hundred lies but i don’t wanna tell you any at all.”

when i needed you- doesn’t fit, don’t make me fight you @ writers

black heart- “everything you ever wanted, now it’s happening.”

i didn’t just come here to dance- “shine a light, with your eyes into me in the darkness.”

favourite colour- “we blend into my favourite colour, i’m bright baby blue, fallin’ into you, falling for each other.”

never get to hold you- “my only heart is beating for you, oh baby don’t you go.”

love again- this better never happen

[peterkmhs22]

Link Walkers (An Original SYFY Kamen Rider Type Show By Me, About Certain Individuals Who Have Cybernetic Deck Type Watches That Give You An Impenetrable Suit & Must Battle Creatures From Other Worlds.)

Asher Angel As Kevin Karlton / Neo Link (High School Senior, Link Walker Rookie and Main Lead)

Micheal Fassbender As Sam Reynolds / Knight Link (Kevin’s Mentor)

Mandy Moore As Briana Bennett / Star Link (Partner To Knight Link)

Dwayne Johnson As Issac Smith / Ka’ Mei (Alien In Hiding and Discovered By The Link Walkers, Born On The Planet FANNO and Knight Links Mentor And Now Hero Of Earth)

Sebastian Stan As Alexander “Alex” Nash / Cold Link (Ex - Solider Turned Everyman Who Just Wants To Help His Family and A Hero When It Counts)

Monica Raymund As Eva Gallen / Sun Link (Older Cousin To Kevin, Former Police Officer And Doesn’t Want To Get Involved In This Battle Between Other Worlds, But She Has To In Order To Save Life’s)

Jesse Spencer As Brian Stevenson / Power Link (The 1st Link Walker And Now In Hiding, But Will No Doubt Be Recruited By Our Heroes)

Miranda Rae Mayo As Jennifer Harrow / Spear Link (Also A Rookie Like Kevin)

Patrick Wilson As T’Mar Tonezz / Soul Master (Main Villain / Born On The Same Planet As Ka’Mei, The Two Of Them Together Are Almost Like Professor X And Magento)

I Hope You All Enjoyed This Elevator TV Pitch I Made, Have A Great Night!

[nahalism]

Songs that make you want to experience love (of any kind) or remind you of it??

u just opened pandoras box.. like.. u think ur ready, but ur not ready. and i cant apologise for what im about to do because what song isnt a love song?.. you have proposed an existential question & for that i refuse to keep this uncompletable task concise. hold on 2 ur toupee, clutch ur peals 🤧

verdena // valvonauta

the nerves // hanging on the telephone

dionne warwick // walk on by

luther vandross // anyone who had a heart

stevie wonder // all in love is fair, never dreamed youd leave in summer, lately, superwoman (where were you when i needed you)

ms lauryn hill // i gotta find peace of mind

lenny williams // cause i love you

donny hathaway // ill love you more than you ever know (& the amy winehouse cover of this)

eva cassidy, autumn leaves

nina simone // you dont know what love is, just say i love him, you can have him, everything must change

chet baker // my funny valentine, almost blue, the autumn leaves

the police // roxanne

amy winehouse // take the box, wake up alone, you sent me flying, stronger than me

nat king cole // nature boy, smile, the very thought of you

etta james // id rather go blind

gladys knight & the pipps // midnight train to georgia

al green // how can you mend a broken heart, lets stay together

janis joplin // maybe

anita baker // angel

simply red // holding back the years, you make me feel brand new

luther vandross // a house is not a home

deniece williams //  free, silly 

boyz II men // i cant make you love me

michel’le // something in my heart

patrice rushen // remind me

toni braxton // another sad love song, breathe again

tamar braxton // all the way home, love and war

the delfonics // lala means i love you, hey love

bobby womack // if you think your lonely now

rick james ft teena marie // fire and desire

the gap band // yearning for your love

jahiem // ghetto love, could it be

mariah carey // anytime you need a friend, my all

tamia // stuck with me, so into you

shai // if i ever

new edition // can you stand the rain, if it isnt love

ATL // make it up with love

blackstreet // dont leave me

bow wow // let me hold you, my baby

jhene aiko // feel like a man, wait no more, my mine, you vs them

twenty88 // 2 minute warning

corrine bailey rae // the whole of her self titled album

yebba // my mind

neyo // do you, part of the list

erykah badu // green eyes, other side of the game, next lifetime, in love with you, out my mind just in time

keyshia cole // send from heaven, love, i should have cheated, trust and believe

whitney houston // i learned from the best, run to you, saving all my love, im your baby tonight

michael jackson // lady in my life, break of dawn, butterlies, baby be mine, keep it in the closet, who is it, give in to me, rock with you .. etc etc etc

abba // lay all your love on me

seal // kiss from a rose

patrick swayze // shes like the wind

phil collins // in the air tonight

the police // roxanne

tracy chapman // fast car, baby can i hold you

james blunt // 1973

chris isaak // wicked game

fleetwood mac // rihannon, dreams janis ian // at 17

googoo dolls // iris (duh)

oasis // wonderwall (duhh x2)

dido // white flag

joni mitchell // both sides now, a case of you

randy crawford // almaz, one day ill fly away

little dragon // never never, twice

lana del rey // video games, blue jeans

london grammar // hey i, wasting my young years

ellie goulding // starry eyes (acoustic), guns & horses (acoustic)

avril lavigne // when your gone, im with you

paramore // misguided ghosts, decode

hiatus kaiyote // the lung

jorja smith // wandering romance, goodbyes

kelsey lu // dreams

kelela // all the way down, turn to dust, enough, better, take me apart

king krule // slush puppy, many more

SiR ft masego // ooh nah nah

fka twigs // papi pacify

steve lacy // dark red

iamddb // more

abra // pride

sonder x brent faiyaz // lovely

pharoah sanders // harvest time

james blake // wilhelm scream

portico quartet // the visitor

kokoroko // ti de

funkadelic // maggot brain, ill stay

collard // everglade

feng suave // honey theres no time, by the poolside

mac demarco // still beating, my kind of woman, let her go, let my baby stay, one more love song

connan mockasin // do i make you feel shy

gas dapperton // prune, you talk funny

blood orange // saint, out of your league, best to you, never good enough

majid jordan // her, u, king city, warm

japanese breakfast // triple 7, the woman that loves you, everybody wants to love you

frank ocean // higgs *or just insert his whole discog*

daniel ceasar // japanese denim

xavier omar // speculate

sza // pretty little birds, caretaker ft dram, babylon, warm winds, 2 am, passport

jeremih // british headboards, worthy ft. jhene aiko, raindrops, & obvs bday sex

j cole // runaway, shes mine pt1 & 2

travis scott // astrothunder

drake // come winter, cameras/good ones go, doing it wrong, east district... anything ending in interlude .. *again, insert practically any of his songs*

tory lanez // 1 call

partynextdoor // tbh, wus good/curious, west district, rendezvous, wednesday night interlude, persian rugs, spiteful, cant let the summer pass, her way, thirsty, muse, the right way

serani // do you good (!!!)

miguel // girl with the dragon tattoo, pussy is mine

vybz kartel & gaza slim // anything a anything

movado // when yuh feel lonely

nicki minaj // save me, i lied, autobiography

tokio hotel // monsoon

my chemical romance // the ghost of you, helena

nickelback // how you remind me & someday

whilst she sleeps // seven hills, our courage our cancer

pierce the veil // stained glass eyes and colourful tears, i dont care if your contageous, im low on gas and you need a life jacket, southern constellations, the new national anthem, bulls in the bronx, caraphernalia, disasterology

(& lol dont roast me but id b lying if i didnt include dem)

vanessa ann hugends // say ok :) 

lmnt // open your eyes

edward mccain // ill be

jesse mccartney // im leavin (lol dont roast me)

lindsay lohan freaky friday songz (?) // the ultimate, take me away

[cowtale-utau]

Music Masterlist

So here’s an incomplete (because I always find new music) master play list for all my various assorted “Undertale” songs. I can and will justify each and every one. Sometimes that justification is dumb, or like, one line. 

Wolf in Sheep's Clothing (feat. William Beckett) - Set It Off

See Who I Am - Within Temptation 

Eyes on Fire - Blue Foundation

Fade Away - Breaking Benjamin 

Blame It On The Kids - AViVA 

Control - Halsey *

In The Air Tonight - In This Moment 

The Sound of Silence - Disturbed

Welcome to the Family - Avenged Sevenfold 

Heavydirtysoul - twenty one pilots

Blood // Water (Acoustic) - grandson

I Gave You All - Mumford & Sons

If We Have Each Other - Alec Benjamin

Go To War - Nothing More

Hey Brother - Avicii

Wrong Side of Heaven - Five Finger Death Punch

Nunchuk - SAINT PHNX 

Monster - Walking On Cars

Ribcage - Andy Black

Your Betrayal - Bullet For My Valentine

Megalovania - Caleb Hyles

The Hunter - Adam Jensen

The Noose - A Perfect Circle 

Sad - Bo Burnham

Don't Stop - Nothing More 

The Judge - Twenty One Pilots

Cryin' Like A Bitch!! - Godsmack

Fix Me - 10 Years 

Aerials / Arto - System Of A Down

One (Remastered) - Metallica 

Walk - Pantera 

No Light, No Light - Florence + The Machine 

Bitch - Allie X

SPOOKY SCARY SKELETONS (Dma Illan Trap Remix) - Dma Illan

Welcome Home - Coheed and Cambria  

Doomsday - Architects UK 

Sex & Candy - Marcy Playground

I'll Bite Your Soul - Shiloh Dynasty

Everybody Fucks (feat. Akon & David Rush) - Pitbull

I'm In Love With a Monster - Fifth Harmony

Raise Your Glass - P!nk

My Family (from "The Addams Family") - Migos

Another One Bites The Dust (Remastered 2011) - Queen

This Is Love - Air Traffic Controller

Pompeii - Bastille *

Spooky Scary Skeletons - SharaX 

To the Bone - J.T. Machinima

Bird Song - Florence + The Machine

Sad Story (Out Of Luck) - Merk & Kremont

Broken - Lund

Short Change Hero - The Heavy

Team Skull Battle (Remix) - GlitchxCity

The Resistance - Skillet

Anxiety - Groundbreaking *

Sugar Cane (feat. Foster Olson) - PrettyDeep 

Hero (feat. Josey Scott) - Chad Kroeger

Fake Happy - Paramore *

Butts Tits Money - KNOWER

Mercy - Shawn Mendes 

Mister Asylum - Highly Suspect

Bloody Nose - Hollywood Undead

Desire - Meg Myers *

why you gotta kick me when i'm down? - Bring Me The Horizon

sugar honey ice & tea - Bring Me The Horizon 

I - Lil Skies

Remember When - Bad Wolves

Underground - MISSIO

dead yet (with phem) - gabriel black

Come Follow Me Down - George Taylor 

Honey Whiskey - Nothing But Thieves

Bad Man (feat. Austin Jenckes) - Esterly

Hallucinogenics - Matt Maeson 

Devil's Playground - The Rigs

Cringe (Stripped) - Matt Maeson 

Skeptic - Slipknot

Nobody Praying For Me - Seether

10 Seconds from Panic - Cult To Follow 

Absolution - The Pretty Reckless 

Afterlife - Avenged Sevenfold

Animal - The Seige

Breaking Point - Bullet For My Valentine

Lost Cause - Beck

Chasing Twisters - Delta Rae 

Cosmos (Outer Space) - t.A.T.u.

Savin' Me - Nickelback *

Dirty World - Dope

Cruel World - Phantogram

Animal - MISSIO *

Call Me Devil - Friends in Tokyo

I Can Be Louder - Unlike Pluto

Little Poor Me (Vosai Remix) - Layto 

Burning Alive - 8 Graves

I Can Hold a Grudge Like Nobody's Business - Adam Jensen

OOF - MARAUDA

Unfortunate Soul - Kailee Morgue 

Where Is My Mind? - Pixies

People Are Strange - Tribe Society

We're Tired - The Blancos (feat. Joyner Lucas) 

Act III: The Reason - Dennis Lloyd 

Black Honey - Thrice 

How Did You Love - Shinedown

Come with Me Now - Kongos

Drama Club - Melanie Martinez  

Freak - Sub Urban (feat. REI AMI)

Better Off Dead - 8 Graves

Bleed Magic - I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

Hush - Hellyeah

Freakstreet - Highly Suspect

No Plan - Hozier

Blinding - Florence and the Machine

Last Hurrah - Bebe Rexha

Hail to the King - Avenged Sevenfold

By and Down the River - A Perfect Circle 

Bloodfeather - Highly Suspect 

Hopelessly Stoned - Hugo

Satellite - HANA 

The Abyss - Hunter as a Horse

Upperdrugs - Highly Suspect

Moth - Hellyeah

The Devil in I - Slipknot

Broken Glass - Rachel Platten 

Hurricane - I Prevail 

Lay Me Down - In This Moment 

Find Forever - Issues 

Heaven so Heartless - Bad Wolves 

Do Your Worst - Rival Sons 

Silhouette - Zola Blood 

The Grudge - Tool 

brainddead! - YUNGBLUD

Revenge, And a Little More - Unlike Pluto 

wake me when it’s over - Vorsa

Dirty Laundry - All Time Low 

Into Dust - In This Moment

Drink About It - Issues

Overthinker - INZO

Panic Room - Au/Ra

Already Dead - Hollywood Undead

Devil Music - Wavedash 

Crocodile Tears - Unlike Pluto

Counting Sheep - SAFIA 

How Far We’ve Come - Matchbox Twenty 

The Mission - Puscifer

It Will Come Back - Hozier

Enough - Disturbed

Silence in the Snow - Trivium

Sad Song - Scotty Sire

Oh No!!! - Grandson

Nothing to No One - Gin Wigmore

Gooey - Glass Animals 

My Poor Heart - The Glorious Sons

Safari Song - Greta Van Fleet

Pull Me From the Void - Trivium

Guns and Horses - Ellie Goulding

Put Me Under - Grandson

Get You the Moon - Kina

Let’s Hurt Tonight - OneRepublic 

The Jungle - Zayde Wolf

Outside - Staind

Payback - BAD CHILD

45 - Shinedown

Behind Blue Eyes - Limp Bizkit

Asshole - hooligan chase

This Old Heart - Gin Wigmore 

All Star - Smash Mouth

Lie to Me - 12 Stones

Headlock - Imogen Heap 

Chosen Family - Rina Sawayama

Better - Kerli 

Blame - Bastille

You’re Gonna Go Far Kid - The Offspring

Beautiful - 10 Years

Addicted to Love - Florence and the Machine 

Let’s Face it I’m Cute - 11 Acorn Lane

World So Cold - 12 Stones

Alone Together - Fall Out Boy

It’s Been Awhile - Staind

Zombie - Bad Wolves

Our Solemn Hour - Within Temptation

Cold (But I’m Still Here) - Evans Blue

This Dark Day - 12 Stones

The Hand That Feeds - Nine Inch Nails 

Way Down We Go - Kaleo

Amour - Rammstein 

Hold My Heart - Lindsey Stirling ft ZZ Ward

Falling - Florence and the Machine

Human - Christina Perri

Blister - Red Sun Rising

hard pill to swallow - morgxn

Hoping - X Ambassadors

Undertaker (Renholder Remix) - Puscifer

Hardest of Hearts - Florence and the Machine

SAD (Clap Your Hands) - Young Rising Sons

Natural - Imagine Dragons

When Your Heart Is A Stranger - Friends In Paris

Tribulation - Matt Maeson 

I Got You - Bebe Rexha

Bad Guy (Patrick Reza Remix) - Billie Eilish

I’m Something Else - SomeThingElseyt

Black and Gold - Sam Sparro

Bad - Oski & Anuka