#people had been waiting a long time when I joined the fandom 3 years ago if anyone's still around from then I salute them

[dodgebolts]

Dnf is a slow burn romance novel ala Jane Austen

Knf is an 80’s movie romance

Skephalo is a mix between a Mitski song and the Sixth asoiaf book that people have been waiting 11 years to come out and bets are on if the author will die before it comes out.

in terms of mcyt popularity lifespans skephalo have probably passed the 11 year threshold which is fucking crazy

[megs-mostly-past-random-fandoms]

In Time (Part 3 of "In My Sister's Place)

Based on this request: Hello, would you consider a mini sequel to In My Sister’s Place, where she arrives at the surprising Jareth, arriving sooner than he expected. Please and thank you

Here you are, lovely! My apologies for taking so long! *Familiar Characters are NEVER mine.*

Part 1, Part 2

Fandom: Labyrinth

Warnings: Fluff, AU-ish.

Pairings/Characters: Jareth the Goblin King x fem!reader

Two years. That was how long had passed since you and Jareth had confessed your love for one another. You had chosen to remain in your world until Sarah and Toby were just a little older. Jareth, while upset, understood and agreed to wait for you for a little while longer. You didn't give him an actual timeline, telling him he would know when you were ready.

       Jareth, for his part, visited you as often as possible along with a few goblins. He could never stay too long as the Aboveground made his powers slightly weaker. He was needed in the Underground with his people. Jareth told you he brought them because they begged, but you were sure it was because he wanted you to get used to each other as you soon would be, in his words, their queen. Sometimes, when Jareth was feeling generous, the little goblins would visit on their own. That was how you got the idea to at least try to surprise Jareth. 

During a visit with the goblins and Hoggle, they told you that Jareth was planning a ball to celebrate some milestone or other(you’d forgotten what exactly). That was when you got your idea. You were going to the ball without Jareth knowing. Or at least that’s what you hoped to do. You weren’t sure how you could without using his magic, but you’d decided that it was time to finally join him in his realm. After all two years for you was probably a lifetime for the Goblin King and you knew he missed you as much as you missed him. 

As you prepared yourself for the night to come, memories of your time in the Labyrinth flooded your mind. You still got shivers whenever you thought about how Jareth had held you that day in the ballroom. A hundred years could pass and you probably would never forget it. Luckily, you would soon be in his arms every day.  

The night of the ball, a few of the younger goblins had managed to convince Jareth to let them visit you. When the magic took them back was when you would join them and, hopefully, surprise your love. Your stomach was in knots as you waited. Would Jareth be angry? Or would he welcome you with open arms? You were still unsure about the whole “being destined for a Fae” thing. Shaking off your insecurities, you took the hand of one of the goblins as they began fading from the room. 

When you looked around once more, you were in the castle you’d left behind so long ago with your mask held in your free hand. The goblins motioned for you to put the mask on before leading you to the ballroom. When you entered, you were easily able to spot Jareth. After all, he stood taller than most of the goblins and the few others there. Fae you assumed, did not share his unique personal style. 

As if your presence called to him, Jareth turned his head slightly. His gaze found yours and you swore his entire face lit up. He didn’t even offer an apology as he left his current conversation and made his way over to you. You giggled to yourself when he approached. “Do my eyes deceive me or has my vision truly been blessed tonight, my love?” 

“What was the point of wearing a mask?” you asked out loud. Jareth laughed. “Mask or no, no one can come close to your beauty. You are more radiant than any diamond.” You felt yourself flush at his words. “May I have this dance?” he asked, offering his hand. You took it and let him pull you close. A happy sigh escaped you. 

“I missed you,” you confessed. Jareth held you even closer. “And I you. Have you come to stay?” he asked, his voice full of hope. You smiled at him. “I have. If you still want me to.” He leaned in and pressed a kiss to your forehead. “A thousand lifetimes could come and go and I will always wish for you to be by my side, my queen.”

Words faded while you and Jareth circled the floor of the ballroom, his steps confidently leading your not-always-graceful ones. Between dances, Jareth introduced you to the other Fae and some goblins you had not met. You had been worried the others of his kind wouldn’t like you, but they were surprisingly kind to you. All Fae took the meeting of mates very seriously. 

The ball lasted several hours, but despite your sore feet, you couldn’t wipe the smile off your face. You felt like you were where you belonged. In Jareth’s arms. As the ball began winding down, sleep seeped into your bones. “Tired, precious?” Jareth whispered in your ear as you bid goodnight to the last of the guests. You shook your head as a yawn tried to force its way out of your mouth. 

“You need rest.” You shook your head again and clung to him. “You need not worry, Y/N. I will not go far and we have, after all, all the time in this world and the next to be together.” You didn’t argue and let Jareth lead you from the ballroom to the room you assumed would be yours. When he tried to leave, you gently grabbed his arm. “Stay?” He beamed at you and nodded. “Very well. If it means you will sleep.” He tapped your nose before you walked over to the bed. You didn’t care that you were still in your gown. You just wanted sleep and Jareth. 

Jareth did care, however, knowing that you would not be comfortable. So he helped you find something suitable to wear(turning away when you changed) and changed his own clothes before joining you in the bed. As you snuggled close to him you were happier than you’d ever been.

(a/n: I hope you like it and that it ties up the series in a nice little bow for you!)

Forever Tags: @fizzyxcustard @supernatural4life2022

This Story Tags: @urlocalfanficwriter @bwila-bussy @evilunicorns4minions @princess-ofthe-pages @boofy1998 @ultimatreality

[treeato]

"I would have waited an eternity for you"

Cooked up that new sylveth piece for the 5 year anniversary!!! I’ve spent too long not acknowledging my interests in these kinds of things I’ve decided I got to be more honest with my self I LOVE FIRE EMBLEM more rambles about myself below.

I’m an awakening kid I remember it right as day on my lunch table in highschool one of my friends was given awakening and fates for Christmas and they realized it wasn't the type of game for them i asked if I could try it out because i had never really played something like that. LO and behold they gave me the games just like that! I remember being ENAMOURED WITH both of them! Sure I was late to the party since they had released a long time ago (3 years ago for fates when i was in highschool in 2018) but I was so smitten with them the characters story art all of it was just a whole different type of game that I never knew i would like.

But aside from the occasional reblog here or there I was very quiet about my love for fire emblem. I didn't want to seem weird to my friends during that time and so I was silently obsessed and kept it to my self reading fanfic shipping characters and the like. I can remember the trailer for three houses there was much discourse over the pokemon scarlet reveal and when I saw the trailer for fire emblem I was estatic on my own I had purchased Shadows of valentia for 3ds and was amazed at how everything was voiced.

All the characters looked so cool! But Blue lions had stole my heart. I remember when the game released I purchased the download right away and spent almost the whole night playing! SO much so my then boyfriend now husband at the time came over to check on me I was that obsessed. it got me through covid and again i kept to myself about this love and i didn't really join fandoms/groups about it because i was just so put off about being myself.

With the 5 year anniversary seeing the amount of love people still have for this game makes me so happy my chest hurts. I wish I could have been more open sooner about my interests. I've seen so much from fire emblem that has reasonated with me fan art original art everything the writers the art its incredible. I can't put it into words really thank you everyone. Thank you fire emblem the community and the fandom.

[grey-pastels]

Names

Fandom: Six of Crows

pairing: platonic! Kaz brekker x reader

summary: reader is set on finding out what kaz' name is.

_________________________________________

It was ten bells and the night was just getting started. This might have been a quiet time in any place but not here,not in ketterdam,not in the barrell.

I was currently leading Jesper back to the crow club after having to basically pry the cards from his hands. I had found him in one of the gambling dens,as usual. And he was losing,as usual. Normally I would've just sat next to him,letting him do his thing. But tonight I wasn't in the mood for it. I really didn't want to deal with the speech Kaz would have about him losing all the money again. He would most certainly still hold one but I was just hoping it wouldn't take 10 minutes this time. As we entered the crow club I spotted him sitting in a dark corner,his corner. He glared at us, his usual unamused glare or maybe it was just how his face was stuck by now. When Jesper spotted him he immediately looked away and made a beeline for the bar. I did not. I walked towards him and sat down. I was waiting for him to speak,but of course he didn't. He was waiting for something. Maybe an apology or maybe a simple explanation. I would not give him that,not today. If he wanted it he could ask for it nicely and I might just comply.

"Fancy seeing you here,kazper" I said mockingly.

He was staring at me. He hated it. Ever since I joined the dregs, approximately 3 years ago I had started bothering him with these nicknames. To me it just seemed improbable for someone to name their kid Kaz. I have met jespers and even inejs before. Not many but they existed. So I have made it my goal to get his name. Not for the reason others might want it. I didn't want leverage on him or his past. I just wanted him,to know him. He was a walking mystery to everyone, but not to me. I have tried many names over the years. My personal favourites include kazzie, kazper and kazpian. He didn't show a hint of emotion other than annoyance when I said them so I presumed they weren't right.

He stood up and walked up the stairs. He walked rather fast despite his limp so I had a relatively hard time keeping up. He didn't say anything yet but that didn't stop me. I followed him to his room.  When I closed the door of his office he stood alarmingly close to me. Something Kaz never does. He seemed irritated,by me.

"Why are you so set on knowing my name?"

"Well for starters,kazstration. you know mine. You know me and I know you would never admit to it but i am the closest thing to a friend you have. I am aware inej and jesper are there too but it's different with us. Inej is your faith and jesper your- well actually I am not sure what he is to you"

" You are my crow, an investment. You all are. Not more nor less"

"I don't believe that"

He leaned his head to the side in disbelief. He always hated how stubborn and blunt I can be. I would never change it. It was one of my many talents to help annoy people, annoy him especially. When we first became acquaintances he had said " if you keep that up you won't survive long in the barrel and even shorter in the dregs" I simply smiled at him and continued with my day. Three years later I was still alive and he still disagreed with my ways.

"You are my family,kaz" he almost laughed at that. And  I realised what I had said. It wasnt the fact that I called him my brother, I meant that and I wasn't ashamed of it. But it was the first time I had called him kaz in years. I am not sure why I had done it but it felt right. I needed him to see I was serious and it wasn't another joke.

He kept quiet after that. I didn't expect him to say it back. I didn't need him to. I slightly pressed my palm against his shoulder,shoving him gently out of my way. I could hear his breath hitch for a second but he calmed himself rather fast. I was aware of his aversion to touch and I did my best to avoid physical contact. But now I just needed space and I didn't have the nerve to communicate it. Why would I need to speak my thoughts when he never does? I turned around and opened the door to leave. Before I fully shut it again I spoke up again. "You won't get rid of me, not of my energy either. And one day your gonna have to admit it. Speak the truth. Say that you like me around and perhaps admit it to her aswell,she isn't as patient as me with you and i dont blame her" I didn't need to speak her name, he knew. He always did. " I will see you tomorrow, Kazimir" he made a noise. I shut the door and I was sure I had it. I had his name. I had him.

[choicesficwriterscreations]

October 2023 WOTM: peonierose

Each month CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers, and this month’s writer of the month is @peonierose. We hope you will enjoy learning more about them and their work below! The writer is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page.

Quick Links:

Tumblr Blog: peonierose Blog Masterlist

How do you want to be known on Tumblr? Peonie or PR is fine 🥰

1- When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played? 

Way back when Choices first launched. My first book was The Freshman Series - book 1. It was so fun to play the books and get super excited for new chapters. I was waiting until midnight for new chapters. It was the first time I’ve played an app where I could make decisions and use diamonds for VIP scenes 😍

2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?

I joined the Choices fandom back in 2021. I really missed Open Heart after book 3 ended (and left me wanting more) So I wanted to see if there were any more stories I could binge, and that’s how I stumbled upon Tumblr 🥰

3- How did you pick your blog name? 

It may sound weird but it just came to me. Peonies are my favorite flowers. As soon as I thought peonie I quickly added rose and I was like that sounds so cool and it’s unique which I love 😍 And that’s how peonierose was born. 

4- Pull up the first post in your archive, and tell us about it!  

Gosh. This feels like forever ago. When I first came on tumblr I didn’t post or reblog much 😅 (too shy to interact with anyone 🙈)

5- How long have you been writing fanfiction?

It has been 2 years in August this year since I’ve actively started writing fanfic 🥰 (I still can’t believe I actually made the leap and decided to post any of my stories). 

6- What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to write about?

You’re really going to make me choose? There are so many good ones 😱

I love to write for two of my favorite books which are Nightbound and Open Heart. Those are the ones I feel most connected to 🥰 Though I’d love to venture out and make edits or social media posts for other choices books too. 

7- Share the first fanfic you wrote with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were writing it today?

I wrote Robin‘s Tell-All from TNA, and it was the first fic I’ve ever shared. I really wanted to write a story from Robin‘s POV and how all that happened in TNA affected him and all the mistakes he made. 

I wanted to showcase his inner struggle. 

I remember how nervous I was to post something that I’d written. I thought to myself, will people even like my story? And if they do like it, then what? It was a great rush to see the reblogs, and the love for my first-ever posted fic. 

If I could change one thing, it would probably be the moodboard 😅

8- What is your favorite fic that you’ve written?

That is a tough question, because to me every fic I‘ve written has a special place in my heart. So every story reflects the feelings I’ve felt while writing my story. 

Buuuuut if I had to choose: It would be a tie between By a Landslide (Bryce and Luna), the 3rd chapter of my Nightbound series - Unexpected and Go with the Flow (Luna & Bryce) 

9- Do you have a fic that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to be but found could use a little more love?

I actually didn’t think I’m a sucker for you, A Pinch of Pink and Blue…This one‘s for you,  Cinnamon Sugar and Wildflower, to be as well received as they did. 

However, I think Bittersweet Symphony and Losing Game (1 / 4) could use some more love. 

Both stories are amazing and I think you’ll love both my pairings. Luna & Bryce and of course Maxine and Adam. 

10- If you could write only angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why? 

I am by no means a smut writer 😅 Maybe I’ll get there 😅 But I’d go with a mix between angst and fluff. I think a nice balance between these two would be good. 

11- Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?

Yeah. Tons of times. Take Luna for example. She has anxiety like me, and her appearance, such as her blue-green eyes and dark blonde hair, are like mine. But character wise we’re complete opposites. I wish I’d be more artistic like her 🩷

And Bryce is an Aries like me, and so many things he says or does make me go back, and I’m like, yeah, I would say something like that. Other than that, I’ve learned to give my characters real flaws and make them human, if that makes sense. But it does happen that they end up with character traits that are mine, and then I lean back and realize I’ve given my characters some of my weird and quirky character traits 🤣

12- What element of writing do you struggle with most?

Damn. Umm…I struggle with a lot of things. Finding the right words sometimes because English isn’t my first, not even my second language. I speak six languages, so it's sometimes hard to find the words to describe things. 

Showing, not telling that’s another thing I struggle with. 

That and if I have to keep a deadline to post something 🤣 Because it takes me forever to post anything I’m not 100% behind and happy with. 

13- Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?

How much time you’ve got? I have over 30 wips, that want some desperate attention, and I always keep adding new wips, whenever something inspires me to write 😅 

I’ve found some new inspo for Somewhere Only We Know 🥰 Apart from that I’d love to take another look at my two AU‘s Amber & my Nightbound series. So we’ll see what wips I can manage to finish 😅 

14- If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to read your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you recommend they read first? 

Sure. I’d love to get an outside opinion of my work and my characters that are so beloved and close to my heart 🩷

I actually tell people that I write fanfic and original work. And I’ve sent some samples their way and they liked it. Which makes me feel more confident in my writing (not saying it’s perfect, there’s always room for improvement, but it’s getting better). 

As for which story to start? I’d say start with Only Love for Bryce and Luna. That was my first story of them and I consider it their start. 

Then continue with Always & Forever and Go with the Flow. 

Those were my first posted stories about Luna & Bryce and I think you’ll like them. It would give you a good understanding of my storytelling and my characters. 

15 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing? 

There are a couple of authors I admire - Chloe Neil, Elise Kova, Nalini Singh, Rachel Caine (R.I.), Rebecca Yarros, and many more. They have influenced and shaped my writing, my fantasy world-building, and, of course building my characters. These authors know how to tell great stories, which makes me admire them so much. 

As for fanfic writers who’ve inspired me? I’d love to give a special shoutout to one of my closest friends who’s been my beta reader for almost anything @annieruok She’s an amazing person and writer. Thanks so much for all the times listening to my ramblings about scenes and characters 🩷 

16- Which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series? 

My Nightbound series hands down. That is a story that really deserves to be on the big screen or as a Netflix show. I’m not picky. 

I’d love to see Grey, Gretel and Hänsel kick some ass. It’s a unique enough story to garner some attention 🥰 I’ve worked really hard to write it and it took me a year to come up with chapters, character names and so forth. 

Also Somewhere Only We Know would be cool to see on the big screen. I’d probably weep from joy if any of my stories were ever developed as a movie or series 🥰🥹

17- Do you write original fiction? 

Yes, I actually do. I have several original works in my Google docs. And just recently, I had an idea for another original story (I don’t feel comfortable sharing it yet) 🥰 But let’s just say it’s fun to come up with the characters and world-building and everything in between. 

18 -  What other hobbies do you have?

Reading books, trying out new recipes in the kitchen. This also reminds me I need to exercise more 🤣 

Taking walks & going shopping. 

Hanging out with friends and binge watching shows and movies on Disney+ and Netflix. Just trying to  enjoy every single moment that every day has to offer 🩷 

19 - What’s your favorite emoji? 

It’s a toss between these three 🥰😍🩷 (What can I say I love pink 🩷 not just because of the new Barbie movie and the pinkmania 🩷) 

20: BONUS - tell us anything you’d like (if you want to).

First, I wanted to say thank you to everyone. For being picked as writer of the month is a huge honor 🥰 Thank you to everyone who has ever taken the time to read my stories, reblog them, and leave some unbelievably nice words. 

I’m very grateful that you guys took the time to shower me with love. Sometimes, I wonder what I did to deserve some of your nice words and love. I also wanted to give a special shoutout to some of the people who are very dear to me. 🩷 

Thank you guys for supporting me. Being there for me - through great and not so great times - I‘ll never be able repay your kindness 🩷 You guys make me strive to be a better version of myself and I couldn’t be more happy to call you my friends 🩷

@annieru0k @cariantha @txem @doriopenheart @mysticalgalaxy @aallotarenunelma @inlocusmads @heavenssexiestangel @socalwriterbee @secretaryunpaid @ofmischiefandmedicine @starrystarrytrouble @the-pale-goddess @takemyopenheart @quixoticdreamer16 @princess-geek @eleanorbloom

[defira85]

I've got an hour and a half left of the year so let's be introspective - 2023 was pretty fucking garbage, and that's saying a lot after the mess of last year

It was the first time in 8 years that I struggled with active thoughts of suicide again

I really wanted things to get easier this year after the shit that went down last year - the sudden death of my mother-in-law, being absolutely dragged through the mud by my Covid infection, and a colossal mess with work when my boss developed Long Covid and ended up taking 5 months off of work. I thought that, given time, the grief would become easier to manage, and the work stress would ease up when my boss returned to work in January, and my health would be manageable

The larger cracks started forming in around April, and in July I started seeing a psychologist again. The decline got worse around August, and by late October it was... well. It was that.

The grief never got easier. I'm still waiting for it to be something bearable, but I think the fact that she died of a very traumatic heart attack and - for those who have been paying attention to my posts - I run a practice for a cardiologist means that I have to go into work every day and look into the faces of people who don't want to take medication for their hearts, and who don't want surgery for their hearts, and I want to shake them and tell them that they're resigning their families to unbelievable trauma and heartache that is literally preventable... it's not the same job as it was eighteen months ago

Add on to that the fact that our receptionist got more and more aggressive towards our preventative health measures as time wore on to protect the doctor and enable him to keep working with Long Covid and literally keep us employed, resulting in massive outbursts from her in October and November that I had to just sit and take because I had to be the professional even while she was lashing out and treating me like shit

It's been hard. It's been really hard. Last year was garbage but god this year was bleak

I tried getting back into fandom this year after the start of the pandemic just killed my spirit dead in the water, and it's been miserable. 2020 was only 3 years ago, but the difference in 3 years feels so so stark. The bleak silence in response to "content" instead of community like I used to see and partake in is so demoralising and so humiliating. I write because I have stories I want to share, but who am I sharing them with? I don't know! The numbers tick very slowly up, so SOMEONE is reading, but I don't know them from a bar of soap. I've tried joining conversations in a couple of fandoms on tumblr and it all fizzles out to nothing. Everyone and everything is on discord these days, and I'm just not interested in that for fandom

No prophesying for 2024, but the receptionist quit on the last business day of the year, so I never have to see her again. I'm terrified that the doctor will decide we don't need to replace her and will expect me to be his receptionist and nurse and secretary and practice manager and hospital bookings manager all in one... without the pay rise to match, and without the acknowledgement that I absolutely cannot do all of that by myself without help. I'm glad the bitch is gone but I'm so miserable thinking about the coming years work. My doctor wants to do more mental health stuff including eating disorder stuff and it's exhausting still trying to get that under control when I'm nearly 40

I don't even know what the point of this post was. It's not a happy one. Maybe it's good to spew it all out here with the intention of leaving it in the past

I just don't know what the future holds. I don't know what to hope for anymore. I just want this year to be over though

[niuniente]

on the whole kudos/comment thing. I'm an artist and I havn't posted art on instagram in 2 years, that is both og art and fanart. its not worth the 2 mins of my time to post after only to get 10ish odd likes from mostly people ik irl when I can just send it off to my friends and get wayyyyyy more personal and happy responses. yes creatives are not entitled to engament but don't be surprised when they disappear

if its not worth your time to comment then its not worth THEIR time to post.

I'll admit im a hypocrite saying this as I don't comment all the time (mixture of no internet when reading and good old mental illness leaving me with blank brain fog) but I stil try. its not a matter of which is good enough or conveince but if its a good day for me. speaking of trying while I'm here I freaking love dhd, started following from she ra but I love your orginal stuff and you're so sweet. <3

I hope people stop being rude in your ask box

Yes, I hear this a lot. Also, it seems people are willing to discuss about things with their friends or fandom fellow groups but not give the same comments to the person who created that thing. I have a personal experience of this.

Years and years ago, I used to write fanfic with an url no one knew about. It was my secret little account. I was a part of a fandom group for the said fandom I was writing these fics about. The group was lovely and active, and they openly loved to discuss about fanfics and fanart.

Whenever I wrote a fic and posted it, the very same day someone within the group noted the whole group about it. Those who wanted to read the fic went to read it, and then they eagerly discussed about the fic with each other; what did they like about it, what thoughts they had, if they had any metas or ideas of what would happen in the next chapter, how the fic had made them feel like and what was their favorite part of each chapter.

I followed these conversations without anyone knowing they were talking about my fic. It made me happy to see that what I had written was well received, and people waited for more!

Did any of these people leave me a comment on the said fic they were gushing about? No.

So, the lurker me knew that my fic was well received and liked, but the author me didn't know, because no one said anything. All the conversation was held in a private place among readers but the author was not included in it.

It would have been really easy for any of these fans of the fic just copy the same thing they had said in the private group and post it to the author me under the fic. Very easy support and a very easy way to let the author-me know that yes, this is what we wish to get more! I only know this because I was lurking in the fan group and saw these conversations.

Another experience I've got and it still keeps happening is that if I join a Discord group or any event group, there are always people who know me due FUZZY. They say that they read the comic and loved it. I have no idea just how many people actually read FUZZY, know it and liked it, because the majority seem to be lurkers who I encounter at random like this :D It's always a surprise when it happens, a happy one mind you! I don't know how many readers and fans FUZZY actually had but I think no one can really ever know the full scale of their fans and influence.

I've got IG which mainly operates now as an art gallery for those who wish to see just my art (excluding long comic updates due image limit). Engagement is small in IG and Twitter, where things are fresh for 20 second and then they are forgotten - albeit IG's positive side compared to Twitter is a better search system where you can go through old posts and like & comment them (no, it's not creepy, why the hell giving support for someone would be creepy when we talk about supporting fandom people).

[gallavichthings]

Writer’s Spotlight - Mhunter10

Be honest, y’all thought I had abandoned this series, didn’t you? But I hadn’t! In fact, this interview was done a long time ago, but posting was delayed for several reasons. It’s finally here though, and I’m very excited for you to read this one, because the writer we’re spotlighting today is a fandom veteran and one of our most prolific writers. Enter: Malenah, aka @mhunter10​!

GT: Ok, first of all, I've got to say, I'm so happy you agreed to talk to me! I missed you! How have you been?

M: Been up and down and dealing with some stuff, but I think I'm okay. I definitely miss writing.

GT: And we miss your writing. Is that why you stopped for a while, life just got in the way?

M: Yes, but also the fandom and show wasn't fun anymore. Tumblr policies got annoying and people weren't finding my stuff....people actively stealing my work and reposting without asking.

GT: Oh, that sucks. 😔 When did you join the fandom? And what made you want to? What was it about Shameless (or Gallavich) that captivated you?

M: Oof maybe 2013ish? 2015ish? Whenever Shameless first season was on. I actually didn't even have Showtime, I would literally sit on Tumblr and wait for someone to recap the episode or link a bootleg clip. I've always been into good queer stories as a queer, and Cam and Noel's dynamic was interesting and the sort of cute that makes you squeal like a little girl. 

GT: They've always had a lot of chemistry. Did you start writing fics right away? What made you want to start?

M: I was actually writing for another fandom/couple for a while way before Shameless. For Gallavich I was mainly just making headcanons that sometimes turned into drabbles. Eventually I wrote longer fics and started posting to AO3. I'd respond to someone else's headcanon or idea with a short fic.

GT: A lot of people still do that nowadays. That was one of my favorite things about your fics, actually, the fact that most of them were short and I could get my quick Gallavich fix without compromising my lack of a long attention span. 😅

M: Haha I was the queen of the drabble.

GT: What fandom were you writing for before, if you don't mind me asking? Was it the first you wrote fics for?

M: A soap opera called As the World Turns😅. I was writing fic when it was still airing new episodes in the middle of the day on CBS. I wrote for Luke and Noah and the fics are archived somewhere on the internet forever.

GT: Was it also the first fandom you read fics for?

M: I think so? Lol that sounds right. I also wrote some fics for Eyewitness, the US version.

GT: Let me backtrack, because we went straight into your experience with fandom, but I want to also know a bit about you. Please tell us a bit about yourself. 

M: Oh Haha well I'm 30. Black, bi, live in Maryland. Have a bachelor's and currently getting my master's. Write, paint, sculpt, collect, read, work… mostly work. Work work work. Fall is my favorite season. Libra. Currently have 8 tattoos. Live with my partner, 3 years together. Umm...I've got arthritis and hip dysplasia so lol....anyone wanting to murder me now has everything they need to know and opportunity.

GT: Hahahaha That was very in-depth, indeed! What's your masters about?

M: Organizational Sciences.

GT: I don't know what that is, but it feels like something I should study. 😅 What is it? And do you already work in that field or are branching out?

M: It's akin to industrial psychology...basically, how workplaces work and how to improve the work environment. Definitely has a lot of intangible skills everyone should have an understanding of if you work. It's very meta sometimes lol. Leadership, communications, change management, negotiation, etc.

GT: Oh, that's interesting! You mention you also paint and sculpt? Talk about a well-rounded artist! What got you into those?

M: I've just always been artsy fartsy crafty.....schmafty. Fun fact: walked out of my pottery class first day cuz the professor rubbed me the wrong way....took ballet instead. I'm mostly a painter but I have a lot of little things I've made out of clay just for fun.

GT: Like what? 

M: Mostly small food 😆. I paint whatever. I was an instructor for about 2 years.

GT: If you feel comfortable, could you maybe share a pic or two?

GT: They're all beautiful, but the one with the blue-haired woman is GORGEOUS! 😍

GT: Let's talk about Shameless. Do you have a favorite season and/or episode? 

M: Yikes, I honestly don't remember much but definitely before the whole show went off the rails. I think 1-4 are standouts, maybe 5 or 6. I only really stayed for Gallavich. 

GT: I feel you, I actually stopped watching after S5.

M: Trevor was the worst.

GT: Why do you say that?

M: Not the actor ,obviously, but the whole storyline was not done right at all, imo. The whole jesus stuff was stupid. Frank continuing to live was stupid. All the stupid and inconsistent decisions compounded into me not giving a shit anymore.

GT: Did you actually watch all the seasons? Because I myself skipped S6 to S9. What did you think of the ending?

M: The ending I saw was the wedding stuff, but I haven't watched anything after.

GT: Do you intend to or will you just consider the wedding the end and that's it? Either way, what did you think of the wedding? Or the fact that there was one. The early-seasons fan in me was in shock it even happened. Once Mickey came back for 9x06, I figured that was as good as it was going to ever get.

M: I knew they would do it. They baited us, kept us on the hook and reeled us back in with the Gallavich crap. I thought the wedding was fine, didn't understand half the people there. Oh wait I also watched some of the stuff with them in the apartment and trying to adjust to that which was actually pretty interesting. I didn't really keep up after that, just saw some gifs here and there. I think they had sex in an ambulance with a dead person? I don't really understand why they have to keep doing illegal stuff. I refuse to believe Fiona would not even show up or call or check in, but I understand why Emmy wanted to cut full ties with the show

GT: I agree, I never understood why not have Fiona keep in touch, or just have one of them mentioned she called. But it's the same thing they did with Mickey at the end of season 5. Instead of cutting Noel from the show, but still having Mickey be somewhat present through mentions, they decided he'd be arrested AND Ian would break up with him. And then they mentioned things about him that weren't true. That made no sense at all. How would you have written their ending if you got to choose?

M: I've written their ending lol; just a short fic reimagining the day after the wedding. I liked the apartment stuff. I would've written them trying to find Mandy eventually leaving the show due to a positive sign she wanted to reconnect. They need to leave the Southside. But during their search, Mickey goes to school. Maybe some shenanigans ensue, but ultimately he does well enough to graduate. I'd see Ian writing a book.

GT: Ian writing a book? That's something I never thought of. A biography or fiction?

M: Maybe a memoir.

GT: What about other moments of the show? If you could change one thing the show did with them, what would it be? 

M: Everything. Anything I ever had an issue with, I usually turned into some sort of fic in retaliation. I did a fic rewriting their meeting at the docks, and also one where Ian finds Mickey in Mexico. I did one of when Ian came home from the hospital and Mickey is taking care of him, but ends up helping Fiona with some chores. 

GT: Ok, but if you could only choose one? Sophie's choice, I know. Well, reverse Sophie's choice. 😅

M: Idk I'd redo all the stuff with Yevgeny and not make Mickey forget all about him.

GT: Great point. Just one more thing that doesn't make sense in this show. Ok, now let's talk fanfiction. What kind of fics do you write the most? I mean, I know you're the drabble queen, but what else?

M: My fics range from absolute crack fucking with the readers, to gut wrenching, to smut, to whatever passion project I think 2 people will read. I've written some lengthy stuff. Two wips I'm ashamed to admit I forgot where I was going with them as the reason I haven't updated them are White Coats and, by far my most popular fic, The Sugar Daddy. I also have several series going with trans Mickey, fratboy Mickey, geek Mickey, etc.

GT: I can relate, I also have a WIP I don't know how to continue. I have the plot planned, but... I don't quite know how to get there. Do you have a personal favorite among your fics, one that you were especially proud to write?

M: Definitely The Sugar Daddy, but they're all my babies to some extent, even the less popular and early ones. I liked writing pregnant Mickey. And I like some of my fantasy spins, like Mickey meeting Santa lol, and Ian in Oz.

GT: If you had to rewrite a fic you wrote, which one would you choose and how would you change it?

M: I have over 400 fics so I know I myself am forgetting a lot of them lol.

GT: I have way less and I forget mine too, so I can only imagine. 😁

M: When I come across an oldy it's always fun to read it with fresh eyes haha. I don't think I would rewrite any.

GT:  No regrets, huh?

M: Pretty much.

GT: Fair enough. Now, you said it yourself, you have A LOT of fics out there. Where do you get your ideas from?

M: I tend to write in a zone so whatever I put out there is what I wanted out there in the moment. I have an idea and just go with it and see how it comes together

GT: You said you write in a zone. How do you get in that zone? (asking for a friend)

M: I've had somewhere I just could not figure out how to get it out of my head in a way that makes sense so those just never see the light of day or they find their way magically into something else. It's probably an undiagnosed adhd thing but I hit a groove and can keep going as long as I'm excited. That excitement is generated by how much I think what I've written is going to make people shit their pants. I have a fic titled Ian Snaps Mickey's Neck. 

GT: Lol that sounds like a good motivator. So I'm assuming you don't plan your fics much?

M: Not like pages and pages of details before I even begin, but I know major points and how I want to lead up to some of them. That's not to say I'm not just winging it most of the time. Sometimes I'll come up with something better or different based on reactions if it's a multichap. Prompts are a little tricky sometimes cuz the person is expecting the thing so you need to do the thing. 

GT: What about research? Do you do any before or during writing?

M: A little if I want to make sure I'm saying something correctly, either words or phrases. Places sometimes, or if I want to actually describe something specific. For example, in the Sugar Daddy I have a few links to items Ian gets Mickey just to add to the visuals but I'm not expecting everyone reading to care enough about the minutiae of how much it costs to take a bus in Chicago. I stick with what's relevant and if I think people will get the point without me turning in a research paper. 

GT: Do you have a preference for writing from Ian's or Mickey's pov?

M: No preference just whatever the story calls for [whose pov do I write more, it's definitely Mickey].

GT: Do you write other characters aside from Ian and Mickey?

M: I've written a couple fics that include other Shameless characters and definitely some original characters. 

GT: Which Shameless characters do you write more often? Do you write fics just about them or only include them in your Gallavich fics?

M: Ian and Mickey for sure, others as needed for the story but I know I've done a fic from Debbie's perspective a long time ago? Or Carl....

GT: You mentioned you sometimes include OCs. How do you create them? Do you base them on real people?

M: No, definitely not. I mean, if there is any originality in an original character anymore ie. typical archetypes. I at least try to make them their own character and not just an npc.

GT: You write a good deal of mpreg, a trope that a lot of people don't like. What attracts you to it?

M: Hahaha a good deal? I wrote 2 at the most. To me it's just another way of writing something. I've read some weird shit that I definitely would never write myself.

GT: Really? It was more in my mind. 😅 What are some tropes you enjoy writing?

M: I like writing scenarios that actually happen to me sometimes. Makes things feel more real. I guess I subscribe to the usual angsty stuff. But I genuinely like writing fun and sweet, sexy and loving, intimate.

GT: Is there anything you think you could never write?

M: Incest, child stuff, dom/sub, animals.

GT: Do your preferences apply when reading as well? What kind of things do you enjoy reading about?

M: Haha I've stumbled into some fics where I'm not sure if the subject or the writing turned me off more.

GT: Like what? What makes you quickly hit the back button?

M: If it's great writing, I might skip around some bits. Otherwise yeah, I'm not reading anything that I'd have to announce to a room at gunpoint. But that's for my own peace, some things just should not be written.

GT: One more thing, out of curiosity: where does your url come from? I get the M from your name, but why hunter10?

M:  It's my last name and birth month and username for everything because I'm a basic and terrible person 😆.

GT: What are you currently reading?

M: The one where Ian is the reading tutor and has a cat, Paragraphs by @palepinkgoat​. I also like their other stuff and am always extremely jealous, feel free to mention that haha.  Jealous and supportive, but still… lol. And I really do want to finish The Sugar Daddy but for now I'm going to get back into writing slowly with updating some of my series. Before that I was reading Deaf Group by @thevioletjones​, another fav. Unfortunately a lot of my list is orphaned, deleted or no updates since 2015.

GT: Yeah, a lot of people left the fandom around the time, which is sad, but understandable. I understand orphaning your fics, and of course shit happens, so abandoned WIPs are normal, but I don't get the reasoning behind just deleting something you created, unless you later realized it was in poor taste. But well, to each their own. Ok, so I was going to ask you about your plans for more, but you've already said you want to finish The Sugar Daddy. Any other plans? 

M: No other plans really. I always think I'm going to write this idea I've had but I'm not skilled enough to do it

GT: And finally, leave a message for those reading this interview, please.

M: Ehh....hi,this is Malenah and you're watching Disney channel.

Idk. Be careful, be safe, be aware of your surroundings. I love you.

Drink some water and keep going.

[bumblingbabooshka]

So, the Star Trek fandom is old, of course. And with Prodigy saved it's not unlikely we'll continue to exist for quite a while longer. And it's got me thinking. I've been viewing old fanworks from pretty much the moment I got into fandom culture at all over a decade ago and continued to do so for every fandom I've joined since that had existed long enough for this to be an option. Especially in my early days, most fics I read were at least 5 years old or more.

And trek is so long standing, it's really a great place to be in for this. I've read multiple Voy fics from the 90s and it's awesome that we have this option. Obviously pre internet fandom stuff isn't as well preserved since there's not many people transcribing their old zines and stuff like that. But nowadays, with fan run non-profit hosting sites like ao3 and also general increased efforts to preserve internet content, the stuff we publish now might just be here to stay.

Obviously, with bigger pairings (and also gen) old fics tend to get buried unless they're either outstandingly exceptional or culturally impactful (eg the fic featuring the oc Dr Mary Sue - in fact a trek fic btw, I don't recall the title nor have I read it but I just know it's archived somewhere) but rarepair fics are often sought after longer because there's just not as much to read for them.

Basically, what I'm saying is... I think it's very possible that sometime in the 2050s a young trekkie who hasn't even been born yet might be a big Voyager fan, they might love Tuvok/Suder and they might just read your fics about them and maybe those will even be their favourite. And isn't that so beautiful? And isn't that so human? Someone reading something written three decades prior about something from three decades before that. Stories that weave connections through generations. Makes you almost feel like time doesn't matter as much. It's nice.

Anyway, sorry for my 3am ramblings lol, my brain just wouldn't shut up about it

Yeah, I sometimes think about stuff like that too~!! I specifically remember when I first got into Star Trek it was because of Tuvok and I started creating art and fics of him because I could find barely any at the time. It always makes me so happy when people on here or ao3 take the time to engage with the stuff I make because I was really on here being like "If Tuvok has one fan it'll be me" and now here you all are saying "Let me on the bandwagon too!" and it's a really fun ride <3 Sometimes when I'm feeling a bit vain I like to think Hey! Maybe some day a new Tuvok fan will look up his name and find a lot more waiting for them than I did! And they'll scroll through pages and pages of art and speculation and screenshots and think.... "Wait, one guy did all this?? Was he like, ok???? Seriously, one dude???" and that's beautiful~

[finalfrontierpublishing]

2022: a bookbinding year in review

So after doing the 2022 Bookbinding wrap up on Instagram done by @paigetopage, I knew I wanted to write something in long form as my beginnings in fandom were as a writer and I want to reflect a little about how learning to bookbind has been. This will likely be introspective and a little self-indulgent, but it’s been a good year, and I never thought I’d ever be able to bookbind when I was first introduced to it on instagram nearly a year ago. 

Beginnings:

So I discovered bookbinding in March 2022 on Instagram, particularly the Dramione fandom which is very active there. I was instantly captivated because books? Fanfiction? Handbound hard copies? Sign me the hell up! At that point in time, desire for a physical copy was at an all-time high and I wanted copies, but hadn’t thought I’d be physically able to do it myself. I did look into getting bindings commissioned but it was really really really hard to get a commission slot.

Over time, though I did manage to get a few commissioned, I began to want to do it myself - bind fics the way I wanted, as well as bind in other fandoms that weren’t openly popular among the commissioning crowd. During the midst of this, I was still studying for the last couple of exams for my Residency training program and preparing to take a long break of a couple of months before going back to work full time. Closer to June, I essentially said fuck it and dipped my toes in, though my amazon prime page shows evidence of my indecision - I purchased bookbinding tools, deleted the order and repurchased them again. 

Getting started bookbinding is expensive, especially for someone with zero artistic endeavours in the past beyond writing. I had to buy so many things - and my spouse was a little concerned as in the past, my hobby was essentially collecting hobbies, where I’d fixate on a thing and then stop after a few months. Well, it’s been six months officially, my friends, and this is probably my most successful hobby to date.

I finally took the plunge when i caught COVID in July and have been binding ever since. 

What really changed my bookbinding journey was discovering the Amateur Fanfic Binding Group on Facebook and Renegade Bindery on Discord. The Amateur Fanfic Binding Group were very approachable when I was an itty-bitty baby binder who had no idea of what they were doing, and since then, Renegade Bindery has pushed me to want to do new things and push myself harder - it’s such a large and diverse creative group of people with different interests and focuses and man, I love to see what these crazy cats are up to, where binds are done for creativity’s sake and people do some stunning, beautiful things. It’s fucking beautiful and I don’t regret joining the discord for a second. 

Favourite Projects / Moments of Binding: 

There’s something joyous in realizing something is going well - and what I remember was this Eureka moment when I realized I could get the Vaster Than Empires bind done and I wouldn’t completely collapse the case and destroy it by poking FUCKING HOLES into it which I couldn’t take back. I did this in one continuous stitch and in my head i was just going hell yeah I don’t need to make the case again. 

Doing the maple-leaf pattern in a faux-binding style and watching it take root was literally the icing on the cake for me. I never thought I’d find binding to be therapeutic and stress-relief, but it is, and after a bad shift, sometimes I just want to go home and stitch a couple of signatures together or flip through a typeset and just randomly correct apostrophes and grammar. There are fucking endorphins in planning for the next project and THE NEXT PROJECT and so on. 

Total Number of Binds This Year:

I didn’t count the binds I did in the bookbinding classes I took in August, so my current count stands at: 

10 completed binds: 3 notebooks (coptic stitch), 7 fanfic binds cased in

I have one text block sitting on my press waiting to be finished, of which I will attempt to do so today, and I’m currently actively typesetting a 4-5 volume anthology of star trek fics, and maybe 3 volumes of hannibal fic, with 1 other hannibal fic that I’m currently typesetting. 

Gift Copies Sent Out:  1 fanfic bind so far, for the Renegade Exchange. I gave away 2 coptic notebooks as well. I now owe 2 author copies that I will work on from January 2023. 

Hardest Thing I Had To Learn: 

Oh fuck, learning how to typeset was a bitch and a half. Microsoft Word is usually the first tool noobies like me touch, and I’ve... semi-figured it out, I think? But man, at the start was it hard to pick up. Section breaks were a thing that transformed my life. Also, I am NOT artistic in the least, so THIS IS A SHOCKING HOBBY TO HAVE, guys. Canva and stock images are my friends.

Oh, and cutting straight without stabbing myself. I bought 2mm chipboard and now I am not afraid of cutting my bookboard for covers any more. 

Things I Still Haven’t Figured Out: 

The Guillotine is evil and I rely on the spouse to operate it. 

2023 Binding Goals:

I have a fuckton of artistic endeavours that I wanna carry out but I doubt I will achieve them all. This list essentially includes:

making my own endbands

(have found tutorials, have a spare ruined text block, finally bought the cord and the silk thread, but am still too chicken to try it out) 

doing cut outs for covers

it looks so hard, anyway I won’t be using my tinyass cricut joy to cut it out for me. hand-cut cutouts might end in me losing a finger but I really do wanna try it out so i might buy myself an exactoblade and sandpaper and try. 

cloth edges with half-binds 

I want to try backing

but I feel like a finishing press needs to be bought and er a backing hammer and ugh if I destroy a textblock from attempting to back, I will be sad. 

I’m not super interested in full painted edges, but I do think splattered edges are cool

Do more trades with bookbinders (I really do, but shipping is such a bitch and I really would feel guilty making someone pay for international shipping if they didn’t want to) 

Gift more binds to authors (THIS, ABSOLUTELY) 

Things To Remind Myself: 

It’s okay to be slower than other binders. My work schedule doesn’t allow for a book a day or a book a week and that’s okay. 

Measure your success through alternative means - I’ve decided that my goal is to bind what makes me happy and if I get to make an author happy in the process, that’s great! Engagement is a plus and shouldn’t be my goal. 

Do binding your own way. It’s okay to have limitations. I don’t have the ability to do full frames for books on my cricut joy. I doubt I’ll ever make dust jackets because I’d need to go to a print shop to make them. I don’t think I will ever do marbling because I don’t have a lot of open space to just throw paint on a surface and my dog loves to eat shit he shouldn’t which leads to Emergency Vet Visits of Doom. And all that is okay. 

To End It Off, A Shot of my Bookshelf:

Binding friends, if you’d like to use this as an inspiration to write your own binding wrap-up, feel free! Happy holidays and happy binding! 

[andiinaraethtash]

1, 9, 11, 17, 20, 21, 25, 30 and 41! <3

1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction?

Okay, so I started reading fanfiction when I was... probably sixteen almost seventeen? So about five years ago. As for writing it... Well my first fanfic was written in, like, 2015, so I was roughly around fourteen. I only started publishing fanfiction in 2019, and let me tell you, there is a vast difference in quality from 2015 to 2019 to now. It's ridiculous.

9. Tag 3 fic writers you think are underrated/unknown in the fandom/fanfiction community.

Hmm. See, the problem is, unless I know you on tumblr, I'm not going to avidly follow your works. So I'm just going to say: @itsybitsybatsyspider @pacificseaotter and @felicityphoenix5 (yes, you. No matter how many hits or kudos or comments or likes or reblogs you get, it'll never be enough to compensate for how awesome you are. That goes for you, Itsy, and you, too, Paci).

11. How do you come up with your fic titles?

Usually just by listening to music that fits the vibe of the fic, then picking a good lyric that encapsulates... something in my fic. It could be the character's feelings, their story arc, or the general story line. The few exceptions are when I asked for help with a name, and when I was just starting out.

17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback?

See, I don't just sit at tumblr/AO3 obsessively; oh make no mistake, I check on it, but really what I'm watching obsessively is my email. Because that's the one place I get to see when someone leaves kudos/comments, and when someone mentions me on tumblr. So I'll usually be checking that obsessively, and occasionally checking on tumblr.

To answer the actual question... um, 8/10. Pretty bad. I need validation.

20. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

Easily the part where I get to see this scene I've had in my head for days/months/years (in some instances) coming to life on the page. It's so cool. My second favorite part, is of course, interacting with my audience.

21. What’s your least favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

Grinding out the "connective tissue" that joins together two important scenes. Like, there needs to be character growth in there, they need to get from point A to point B, but the journey is long and arduous, and I am a weary traveler with few words left in me by the time I get to where I'm going.

25. Do you listen to music as you write? If possible, link your writing playlist.

I listen to music all the time, not just when I'm writing. I have different playlists for different moods, and even different fics. Sadly, all my playlists are private, and I don't feel like trying to figure out how to un-list them as private.

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

I don't know if I'll ever post this, but it's been a passion project for years now. anyway, here's the snippet:

"The graveyard is quiet. No one’s there, no one’s watching, and he has to take several pauses to just breathe around the pain. He doesn’t want to do this. He doesn’t want to see their names on the gravestones, doesn’t want to have to talk to cold granite in order to say what he wants.

Doesn’t want to say goodbye in the first place."

41. What’s your most popular fic (with the most notes on tumblr, most hits/kudos on ao3)?

Without looking, I'm going to guess it's Let the Brokeness Be Felt, but lemme check real quick...

Yup. It's Let the Brokeness Be Felt. I'm so shocked. Truly. Deeply.

To be fair, it was the epic conclusion of a trilogy that I poured my heart, soul, and mental health into, and I took like, three long breaks in the midst of writing it, so there were lots of people begging me not to abandon it and adding theories and such. It was great, posting it, though looking back on it now... it's not my favourite. I don't hate it or anything, I just think I could have done better.

Thank you so much for the ask, I'll be sending you one... probably in the morning, I am so tired rn I wouldn't be able to properly think through the questions, or appreciate the response.

[mischief-and-tea-by-the-sea]

Behind the Scenes of Fic Writing questions —

1, 3, 5, 17 and 29 (word: heart)

What was the first fandom and/or pairing that you wrote fic for?

The first fandom I wrote fic for was Children of the Corn. This was when I was 13 and didn't realize that "fandom" and "fanfiction" and fandom community existed. I wrote it by hand in pencil. Years ago, I had to throw it away because all the writing was smudged. Just as well, it was so bad. After that, I fell into Fright Night, Lost Boys, and other vampire fandoms.

3. Do you write fics from start or finish, or jump around?

Generally I write start to finish, but if there's a scene that's hard vibrant in my head, I will write it down so that I don't lose it. With some of my series on AO3, it's kind of jumped around chronologically because that's how the prompt fics fall.

5. What is the perfect environment for you to write in?

First and foremost, NOT SILENT. I can't write in complete silence. I need either music that inspires what I'm writing on or at least movies/TV shows/whatever in the background. I can write with other people in the room, even with other people talking, but if they ask me too many questions or try for too much of my attention, it's difficult for me to focus on writing. I used to be able to sit and write in groups of friends all having conversations around me and even joining in the conversations while I wrote, but after the 7 Year Writer's Block Hell, I haven't been able to do that. So generally, yeah, I don't have to be alone, but I do have to have some peace to have focus anymore.

17. What fic are you most proud of?

A toss up between the Wantons light of heart series, the Hemispheres series, and Behind Blue Eyes.

29. Send me a word. If it’s in your WIPs, include the sentence and a short summary of the fic. (word: heart)

From Part 3 of Wantons light of heart: To see you eat in the middle of the night (It's Friday I'm in love):

“Stop that emotional self-destructive grenade you’re about to throw yourself onto. You’re an idiot, albeit an adorable one that I still love with all my heart. Even if I want to smack you with my newest pair of Badgley Mischka’s, though I’d have to run upstairs to get them. Still, it would be worth it if only to get you out of that down on yourself thinking that you’re spiraling yourself into,” she told him. Emma leaned down to kiss his forehead right before she swatted him there.

-

This is a Scott Summers/Tony Stark series. Part 1 is them getting together, Part 2 is Scott spending the weekend at Avengers Tower with Tony, and Part 3 is Tony coming out to spend the weekend with Scott (accompanied by Loki, who is spending the weekend with Emma, as they're in a long-term relationship). At one time, after Scott formally separated from Jean, he and Emma attempted a relationship that went nowhere because Jean, of course, caused problems and whined and complained to Charles until he insisted that they put a stop to it. After that, Scott and Emma became best friends, and she championed him when Charles announced his retirement and handing the school over to Scott to run, and further championed him through asking Charles to move out, followed by her finding him a lawyer to file the divorce from Jean. Scott and Emma have been through a lot together and their friendship's grown stronger. She can hear the self-deprecating thoughts even before he speaks them, and she scolds him for them while they're both waiting for their boyfriends to show up at the school. This part is going to be tense because Jean hasn't left the school yet, and she is going to Cause Problems for Tony and Scott because she is the Taylor Swift of mutants. It will, however, backfire big time.

Thanks for the asks!

Behind the Scenes Fic Writing Questions

[cwarscars-a]

I'm going to join in here with some praise, because I have to even if I'm late to the NYE party! I already said this to you in our DMs, but coming across your Heidegger by total chance as I did has been nothing short of a delight, Han. I will never not praise people who have passion, who go the extra mile, for their characters— and I think it's especially beautiful to see that happen in a fandom like FFVII which I think deserves way more attention than it gets. The headspaces of antagonists and villains are so interesting to delve into; to find out how they got to where they are, and what makes them tick. You know, how they're able to disassociate from their actions or sometimes, commit to these decisions that they don't disassociate from at all. I think that's an incredibly interesting psyche to analyze, and having read your backstory, and more actively reading your threads and ask responses from Heid, have me thrilled to the core. I'm so happy to see that you've not just picked him up ages ago, but have an investment in him that I think many could learn from. I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks it's admirable. All in all, I wanted to add to what I said over in that way too tiny DM box over there— because you deserve quite the praise. Thank you for following me back when you did, and for your own kind words. We're going to write soon hopefully, okay? <3 Hope you feel better soon, have lots of chocolate!

2022 IS COMING HAS CAME TO AN END!

Is there anything you want to tell the mun before the year ends?

(( i've had this in my inbox looking at me like 'go on bby, read this while ur feeling sick. it'll draw the sickness from ur BONES go on bby do it' and im like 'oWo behave'.

but, thank you so much for this, friend - you've been so kind to me ! & i am overwhelmed by the support of your words. like, i get so weird about my portrayal ( sometimes, i know i can hyperfocus on things & i know that heid is like...NOT the character anybody obsesses over. i mean where's his fanclub in cc? lmao ) so, at times - i feel a little embarrassed by all the writing i do surrounding him. like, it's weird because he's so disliked but then, i've always been drawn to the villainous characters. as you say, there's a headspace there that is so alien - it's interesting to pry inside?

i am so thankful for the remake for giving me this look at a character that i'd not bothered with before - BUT, i am MORE THANKFUL for people like yourself. who encourage me, who read the dumb little headcanons i put out and the silly stories i plug. i really appreciate it so much, the big messages like this & the little shreds of support in notes and stuff like that. it really makes me love writing heid even more, because without people to write him with - what then? fanfic is lonely & writing with peeps is so much more fun!

i really can't wait to explore some plots with you, whether they be silly little snippets of crack or full blown long-winded, tifa & heid fighting or joining up or meeting after meteor-fall and all the ANGST that could come with that. OR even your yuna, because lord knows i got big googly eyes over there, too !

i'm absolutely loving reading your thoughts on your muses & even just seeing you analysing scenes & body language / speech is just - urgh - i love it. i love the passion, i love the insight and i am /SO EXCITED/ to see more. as well as that, i love the memes & the jokes - i will send you SO MANY dancing pugs

thank you for dropping in my askbox but more-so, thank you for interacting with me & chatting with me because i am so excited to write with you. you're so kind. c: ))

oh - one last thing ;

( i was gonna link a meme video but ended up watching THIS INSTEAD and laughing so now i share with u oh giver of funnies )

[gaylittleeddie]

S6 BUDDIE THOUGHTS

I’m doing my yearly rewatch and I really refuse to believe that buddie wasn’t written the way they were intentionally. I’ve talked about the way they introduced buddie before. there were a lot of hints of early romance undertones. for example, the fact that abbys character got split into two separate ones. maddie and eddie. there were certain scenes where it seemed implied at a little peak into what they had in mind for their relationship. for example, buck just having to mention he loves kids when eddie said he has one, “we may end up real close”, “you two have an adorable son.” but that’s besides the point I’m trying to make. we’ve heard time and time again from tim minear and the crew that they write the story the way they want to and don’t give into fan service. but let’s face it, if you’ve been in this fandom long enough you know Tim’s been accused of stealing ideas from fanfics and posts on twt. which that is in fact fan service. (There’s nothing wrong with giving ur fans what they want tim. genuinely fan service isn’t bad unless you completely lose ur own originality and you haven’t like its still 911.) for example, we’ve been asking for less stressful storylines and now they’re delivering. also henren begins is happening solely bc fans have been begging for it. and one of the main things people have been asking for since I joined this fandom two almost 3 years ago is buddie slowburn. I genuinely am a strong believer that this is going to be the season it all comes to it. They threw buck and eddie into these relationships not because they were gonna be endgame. They were too hastily written for that and we know 911 can write good relationships. It was just to keep the slowburn going a bit longer. And you know what? If im right and this really is the season where we finally get it, then it’s been a beautiful love story. definitely would be #1 on my list and stydia has held that title in my heart for a literal decade at this point. Like they’re not dumb and I feel like this has all been intentional. I don’t see these writers as the type to disappoint their fans like that. I truly believe that Buck and Eddie were always meant to be together, or at least it’s been a heavy consideration for a very long time. With all of the ryan and oliver promotions and Oliver following Ryan again along with him liking buddie posts again. I’m very confident that the wait is over. And I can’t see it tilting out of our favor this season. usually I just ship it for fun and have moments where I know it’s not going to happen but I just feel so confident in this season buddie wise. If I’m wrong then we were played but I don’t think I am.

[jimmys-zeppelin]

that's the way (the boy next door)

pairing: jimmy x reader

words: 4k

warnings: angst, parental death, longing, heartbreak

summary: ten years as friends with your neighbor jimmy creates dozens upon dozens of memories. most of which are good, but the bad things can't help but slip through the cracks. navigating through life with him by your side and trying to live as two innocent teenagers isn't as easy as it seems.

author's note: so uhhh, I've been thinking of this since I first heard that's the way over a year ago when I first joined the zep fandom. I quite literally saw the pictures in my head and immediately knew I had to write it, but didn't know just how to articulate it. this summer I finally had a vague image in my mind of how I wanted this all to play out and started writing right away. it was touch and go for a while, but now it's finished and I really hope you all enjoy it <3

I don't know how I'm gonna tell you

I can't play with you no more

I don't know how I'm gonna do what mama told me

My friend, the boy next door

“And you tell that Page boy I don’t want to see him out here playing with you again! You don’t want me to go and have a talk with his mother now do you?”

“No, Mama,” you replied, head hung low after the scolding you’d just received. At seven years old, you weren’t sure why your mother hadn’t wanted you playing with any of the boys on your street. You grew up on a desolate road in the far end of Epsom where hardly any children your age lived except Jimmy and some other boys who were a year or two older than you. But they didn’t want to play with you…you had “cooties.”

The next morning as you head out to the park, there was no way to avoid the Page’s house—it was immediately next to yours—and Jimmy came running out behind you, calling your name as you started at a quicker pace, only making him run behind you faster. It was impossible once he’d actually caught up to you, almost grabbing you by the shoulder in an attempt to get you to stop.

“What’s wrong? Why didn’t you wait for me?” Jimmy asked, pain clear in his bright, innocent voice as he caught his breath, “was it because I accidentally pushed you yesterday? You said it was okay…”

Your head hung low just as it had the previous evening upon your scolding. You couldn’t look him in the eyes and devastate him even further, “My mum said—my mum said we can’t be friends anymore.”

“Why?” was his first inquiry above anything else, confusion riddling his young, cherubic features.

“I told you, my mum said she didn’t want me hanging around with you. Sh—she didn’t give a reason why, but I just listen to what she says,” you answered, barely able to look Jimmy in his shining, emerald eyes that were now shrouded in disappointment. In his silence, it prompted you to chance a glance at him. His lips pursed together, his eyes were downcast to the concrete sidewalk. He took a shallow breath before walking back in the direction of his house. A single tear slipped from your eye. You kept on your way to the park.

I can't believe what people saying

You're gonna let your hair hang down

I'm satisfied to sit here working all day long

You're in the darker side of town

You bounced down the stairs on your way to the kitchen, about to ask your mum if you could go out with some friends later that weekend. Now at thirteen, you were spending more time out of the house and more time out with friends. It was freeing to say the least. You caught your mother on the phone before you came into the kitchen, hearing her ranting and raving about God-knows-what.

“Did you see how long his hair is? Much too long for a proper boy his age! And did you hear about how he exploded that old shack on the school grounds?!….I’ve already spoken with his mother, Sharon, she doesn’t seem to care. Says James is gonna make it into the big leagues. Not like that he won’t,” she carried on. You decided at this point to walk into the kitchen and try to catch her attention, “And what is with that guitar he’s always lugging around? He’s not right—hold on Shar, Y/N wants to tell me something. What is it, darling?”

“Oh,” you piped up, “Ella wants to go out this Saturday. She said her dad could take us to a—a skiffle show in London. Can I go?”

“Just you and Ella?” your mother inquired, impatiently holding the phone down to her shoulder.

“Me, Ella, and Holly. That’s all.”

Your mother looked at you for a few seconds, letting you stew in your anxiety for a bit. “That’s fine. I want you back home before midnight, though.”

“Of course, thank you!” you exclaimed as you rushed back to your bedroom, carrying on with your homework.

-

On Saturday, you were dressed in your very best. Your button-down white blouse and favorite skirt were your ensemble for the day. As you exited through your front door after your thousands of goodbyes to your mother, you peered into the next front yard only to see Jimmy headed in the same direction as you were for the car.

Your eyebrows came together in confusion. Looking into the car, you saw John Preston, a good friend of Jimmy's, sitting beside Holly in the large backseat of the vehicle.

"Hi, Y/N,” Jimmy greeted sweetly, "you're going to the skiffle show, too?"

You stared blankly at him, stuttering in response, “Ye-Yes. I didn't know you were coming with us."

"Oh, John told me Ella was offering to take people and I was planning on going anyway so I took his offer and...here I am,” he said simply with a shrug. "Is...that a problem? I know your mum has some sort of an issue with me. I don't quite understand it."

"I just ignore what she says at this point, really,” you said, unsure of where to look or what to do. “Your hair looks nice like that."

You two sat squished in the car the whole way to London. As John talked up Holly, and Ella rode with her father up front, there was little conversation between you and the rest of the teenagers all squeezed into the backseat. The conversation between you and Jimmy was even more so confined, though you'd been sitting right next to each other. Occasionally a glance would be exchanged and a quiet giggle; him touching your fingers as you anxiously played with them in your lap and you nudging his shoulder gently when he did so.

"You play guitar right?" you asked, you voice just above a whisper. Like the question was reserved wholly for him.

"Yes," he nodded, his eyes boring into yours, "I could..." he gulped, "teach you sometime if you'd like..."

"I don't think my mother would approve."

"I thought you ignored what she had to say,” Jimmy remarked with a sly smile creeping up the edge of his lips.

You couldn't help but chuckle. “About trivial matters, yes. But going to your house to learn guitar...she'd get suspicious,” you shook your head.

"Well, I could show you after school. Haven't got anything better to do anyway. You could say you're studying with Ella or something."

Your eyes timidly met his, looking away after only a few seconds. The shade of green they donned something you wouldn't forget so soon. "Perhaps. I'll let you know on Monday."

"Okay," he smiled. Looking down at your hands, your heart leapt out of your chest at the sight of your fingers intertwined together.

You stood side by side through the entirety of the skiffle show, Jimmy's hand brushing yours every few songs. You'd lost your friends somewhere in the shuffle, but you were sure they weren't enjoying the show nearly as much as you and Jimmy were.

After the show had wound down, you and Jimmy strolled over to the agreed upon meeting area. You stood awkwardly as thirteen year-olds often did, balancing this way and that on the heels of your feet as you twiddled your fingers, stretching your neck to see if your friends were anywhere close. Jimmy stood with his head down. You didn’t know that his cheeks were too flushed for him to even look at you.

“That was fun,” you remarked once you were sure your head would pop off if you kept craning your neck.

Jimmy’s head snapped up. “Mhm!” he agreed, soon looking down to hide his face. You raised an eyebrow at the sight.

"You alright?" you asked, looking at him quizzically.

Jimmy paused for along while, timidly looking up at you, “I really ….” he mumbled out the last part of his statement. You could barely understand a word he said.

"What's that?"

"Ireallylikeyou,” he rushed out in a small, quiet voice.

Your eyes widened once you registered his confession, "Oh,” you said softly. What do I even answer with? you couldn't help but think to yourself. "I like you, too Jimmy." Though you didn’t mean in the same way he did.

He shot up to look at you again, bewilderment riddling his expression. It was then that you saw his cherubic cheeks flushed bright red even in the darkness of your surroundings. "You do?!"

"Uhm, well, yes, Jimmy. But—but as friends,” you said, unsure of yourself. "I'm sorry."

You could see his poor heart shatter right before you. "Oh,” he replied, dejected.

Your friends could be heard laughing and talking loudly just a few feet away. As they approached, Jimmy took a few steps away from you and ran his hands over his face, pretending as if nothing had happened.

"Jimmy—" you started, not even sure of what you wanted to tell him.

"No, it's fine. I get it,” he waved you off, stepping even further away, not daring to look at you.

And when I'm out I see you walking

Why don't your eyes see me?

Could it be you've found another game to play,

What did mama say to me?

You walked to school the next Monday. Passing Jimmy's house as you always did, he walked out as your eyes glanced over at his front door. You nearly jumped in an excitable fear at the sight of him, though he looked more than miserable to see you.

Knowing your mother would be watching you until you reached the end of your block, you wouldn't dare turn to say hello to him.

But he seemed to completely ignore you once your collective gazes met. It hurt to say the least. Telling Jimmy you only liked him as a friend seemed to be the worst mistake you could have made. Instead, at seeing some of the other schoolboys on your block, Jimmy ran to them, completely bypassing you as he crossed the road and struck up a conversation. God, how it angered you.

And yesterday I saw you standing by the river

And weren't those tears that filled your eyes

And all the fish that lay in dirty water dying

Had they got you hypnotized?

Somewhere down the line you seemed to patch things up with Jimmy. You were sixteen now. Three years passed since his confession to you and it seemed his feelings didn't change between then and now.

You'd see him catching glimpses of you during class, and in the hallway, and at lunch. It made your cheeks flush whenever you caught him. You knew he didn’t have some schoolboy crush on you at this rate. Having gotten much closer recently, you decided to let him feel his feelings as he pleased. Perhaps you’d even felt a twinge of a feeling back for him. He was the cutest boy in school, after all. You couldn’t deny that.

However, boys weren’t your sole focus anymore. It was helping to provide for your family. With your mother having passed away the previous year, you were stuck trying to find ways to help your father pay the bills. All at the hands of a drunk driver lost late at night that struck your mother as she was taking out the garbage. It was a horrible time for you, not to mention your father.

Jimmy's mother had been a great help to you: offering to make you dinner, helping to do house chores whenever she could, offering a shoulder to cry on, and so much more. You thought it oddly generous seeing as how much your mother was a bother to Mrs. Page. You speculated Jimmy may have had a hand in her generosity. After that you'd started spending more time next door. You and Jimmy did homework together and his mother would offer to let you stay for a meal before going home to your father. He was gone during the day anyway so you really had nowhere else to go. It was an awkward time for everyone in the months following.

Eventually, though, you got back on your feet. You got a job at a local diner and were making good money to keep yourself afloat even if it wasn't by that much. You’d definitely learned to be more frugal; a skill your mother had always wanted you to pick up before you were too old.

It had been almost a year after her passing that you’d picked up on Jimmy’s endless stares again. On one certain day, it seemed he was finally confident enough in trying his chances with you again. You two were sat at his kitchen table practicing your cursive handwriting when he spoke up.

"Did you want to go down to the river with me tomorrow?"

"Why's that?" you asked as you completed the tail on a lowercase “a”, getting started on the next one.

"Uh, no—no reason. Thought maybe we could get out of the house for a little while."

You contemplated it for a second before answering. "Sure, I don't mind. I just have to be back in time for work. Can I meet you there?"

Jimmy nodded vehemently with a smile. “Yeah, that's great."

-

You were the first to arrive at the arranged meeting spot by the river the next afternoon. You stood leaning on a tree, watching as the river flowed soothingly past you, the sounds of the rippling water calming you greatly, almost in a hypnotizing way. You saw the fish rushing their way through the stream. Inevitably you wondered where they'd end up. Either way you morbidly realized they'd all be dead one day. Or in someone's home being served as a meal.

A sense of panic washed over you and tears rushed to your eyes. Figuring Jimmy wouldn't show up for a while, you let hot tears stream down your cheeks; death being an inevitable reminder of your mother. You didn't cry much over her anymore, but few things still managed to set you off.

"Hey," a voice said gently, touching their hand to your shoulder. Jimmy. "What's wrong?"

"Oh my," you said, quickly rushing your hands to your face, wiping away the tears haphazardly as you chuckled at Jimmy, obviously embarrassed. "Sorry."

“Don’t apologize. Are you alright?" he asked, rubbing his thumb into your arm before drawing you in for a hug. His immediate attention brought you comfort, though you were embarrassed to admit that a few fish brought you to tears.

"Just fine, Jimmy. Don't worry about me, I promise."

He let go, but kept his hands on your biceps. "Did something happen?"

"No,” you insisted, "just the…bloody fish."

Jimmy raised an eyebrow, but decided to let it go after that, letting go of your arms and letting his own fall to his sides again.

"What did you want to do here?" you asked as you started walking along the river, going opposite the current. A look of confusion flashed on his face before he remembered that he'd invited you to meet with him.

"Uh, well. I just wanted to talk with you."

"About what?"

He stammered, looking around anxiously as if trying to find the words he was trying to say. “I have this friend,” he said, nodding to himself as if he were trying to convince himself that this was the correct information. "He—He really likes you."

You caught the lie immediately. Not being able to hold back the light chuckle leaving you, you nodded. “Oh, okay. Who is it?”

It was as if he was being tested again, he cleared his throat, “Johnny!….Johnny Tree…ston.”

“Johnny Treeston? Okay,” you said, more than amused with his antics.

“Yes, well. Don’t tell him I told you. He’d be very embarrassed. Anyway. He was asking me what would be the best…uhm—course of action in trying to ask you on a date.”

“Well, why can’t Johnny Treeston just tell me how he feels?” you replied, staring deep and knowingly into Jimmy’s bright green eyes.

“Y/N, you see, he can’t just tell you like that. He doesn’t want to seem like a simpleton.”

“Ha!” you guffawed, “a simpleton.” You laughed, “Johnny could never be a simpleton. I know how intelligent he is,” you stopped, taking Jimmy’s wrist with one hand, “and sweet. And genuine…”

“I didn’t know you knew Johnny like that.” Jimmy said, playing off the fact that you had just called his bluff.

“Well…I don’t know Johnny like that. Johnny isn’t real. But you are. And I know you like that, Jimmy.”

His cheeks flushed. Perhaps even redder than they did back when you were kids. “You do?” he asked, almost terrified that he’d even brought the conversation up to this poignant point.

“Of course I do. I always speculated why your mother was so kind to me after my mum passed.”

“Surely she was just trying to be homely.”

“Surely,” you agreed. After a beat you continued, “God Jimmy, it’s like you made me like you by doing nothing at all,” you said, chuckling to yourself. Jimmy’s brows furrowed. He opened his mouth to speak, but you beat him to the punch. “I like you, Jimmy. A lot.”

He stared at you in shock for a good five seconds before he spoke. This pause felt like it lasted a lifetime. “That’s supposed to be my line,” he said finally, a cheeky smile tugging at the edge of his lips.

You couldn’t help but pull Jimmy into a hug. He quickly pulled back, still holding you close, "You don't mean like a friend, right?"

"No!" you laughed, "of course not. But just in case you were still on the fence..." you trailed off, pressing your lips against his gently, the feeling being much softer than you could have ever imagined. Jimmy kissed you back. You could feel his longing in the kiss as he cradled your cheeks in his palms. Pulling back, you spoke again, "I hope that settles it, then."

He grinned at you, pulling you in for another kiss before you continued on through the park. “So would you like to go out with me sometime?” He asked.

“I would love to, Jimmy,” you replied, an impermeable smile spreading across your face.

And yesterday I saw you kissing tiny flowers

But all that lives is born to die

And so I say to you that nothing really matters

And all you do is stand and cry

He said to meet at your spot by the river again. It was the day of your eighteenth birthday. Again you waited for him as the sun just began to set. The early summer breeze tussled the flowers sprawled across the field. You picked one from the dirt with a quick, sharp tug, inhaling its scent. A mayflower. Aptly named. It brought nothing but good memories from your childhood.

A pair of arms wrapped around your waist, and a face pressed its lips into the back of your shoulder repeatedly. You turned your head to face the affectionate person, your hand resting just above theirs; your fingers intertwining together as if by habit.

"Hello, lover,” he said softly, kissing your neck.

"Lover. I like that name,” you giggled, turning to face him, cupping his cheeks in your palms and pressing your lips to his for a quick moment.

"Happy birthday,” he said, bringing his finger to your chin and tilting your lips back up to his, bringing you both together once again.

"Here,” you said, showing him the mayflower you'd just plucked, kissing one of the small petals before delicately placing it behind his ear much to your delight. "Promise you'll keep it?"

"Only till it dies,” he remarked. His comment struck a chord within you. You weren't sure what it was, but you ignored it and carried on. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you,” you nodded to him. “So where are we off to?"

Jimmy had mentioned he had a special evening planned for the two of you, but failed to indulge on what exactly it was he wanted to do. It seemed, though, the first order of business was to get on the bus headed for London. You were about to embark on a journey.

"When we get to London, then maybe I'll reveal some more of what we'll do,” he said mischievously, plucking the flower resting on his ear and putting it just hanging outside of his breast pocket. "Also I needed to talk to you about some things."

You took his hand in yours, turning your attention away from the window and back to him, listening intently.

"I'm going to art school,” he announced. You shrugged at him, not knowing the severity of the issue. "I'll be moving out of my parents' house. They have a flat lined up for me there. I'm leaving next week."

All you could do was stare at him. Your expression was blank, but on the inside, your body was slowly flooding. Filling up like a sinking ship with no way out. "You're moving?" you said it more as a statement than a question, but the way you felt was more than clear. "I'll come with you,” you said suddenly, almost jumping at the realization. You couldn't bear to part with him, not so soon.

Jimmy shook his head solemnly. “What about your father? You can't leave him on his own."

He was right. With his constant working, you were the one who had to keep the house tidy and cook. Someone had to take over your mother's duties, but you insisted. “He can live without me. I can find a job in London. I can make you happy,” you tried, tears starting to prick at your eyes.

"You already make me happy, darling. And it doesn't matter, I don't want you to feel like you have to uproot your life for me. Even then with all of the session work and schooling I'll barely be home. It just wouldn't be feasible for you,” Jimmy replied, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

You gave up fighting then. Letting the tears stroll down your cheeks as they pleased and you didn't speak another word to him for the rest of the bus ride. With your hands in your lap, you admired the scenery before you. Jimmy stayed uncomfortably silent the rest of the way. It was clear to see that this conversation had put a damper on your birthday celebrations.

That was the way the boy next door broke your heart into a million pieces.

After moving to London, you didn’t see Jimmy for several years. Now established with a career of his own, hair down past his shoulders, and more women around him than he could ever know what to do with, it seemed he'd forgotten you. And you tried your hardest to forget him.

You'd heard his name many times on the radio in conjunction with the new supergroup he'd formed that was sweeping the nation. You were proud of him; proud that he'd finally achieved his dreams, though it saddened you to hear his name and realize you weren't a part of his life anymore. However, there was nothing you could do about it now.

That was the way it was going to stay.

---

masterlist!!!

Taglist: @diaryofafan17 @tophats-n-lespauls @witchesdust @jonesyjonesyjonesy @paginate54 @hejustsatisfiess @salixfragilis @calico-skiess @reincarnated70sbaby @rebel-without-a-zeppelin @kyunisixx if you want to be added to the list lmk!

[that-sarcastic-writer]

Coach (1)

Fandom: Dylan O'Brien

Pairing: AU Dylan x Fem!Reader

Mini series summary: Being a newly single mom of two kids wasn't exactly easy. And love wasn't exactly part of your agenda. So, should you avoid lusting over your son's baseball coach? Absolutely. But with a man like Dylan, could you really resist? Probably not.

Warnings: nothing major yet, small sexual innuendo, mentions of cheating and divorce

WC: 1.9k

A/N: a yes, to those who have been following me for a while may recognize this title, it's my old Dylan AU fic. Yes I decided to continue it. Updates will come periodically, because I write spontaneously and I cant guarantee quick updates. But I do promise I wont wait a whole year to update. And since I did some slight updates in the first 2 parts I decided to archive the old ones and repost them again. So yeah, if you've read them before great, give it another read, my writing is much better now I promise and if you're new welcome, I hope you like this mini series.

(You are here, part 2, part 3)

Dylan stood by the side of the large field, near the home plate, occasionally yelling out suggestions and pointing out mistakes to the young boys. 

"Ezra! You have to watch the ball! C'mon! I know you can do better!" He called out to the blonde boy standing on the home plate with a bat in hand. Dylan then turned his attention to the dark haired boy with the baseball mitt and ball in hand.

"Roman! What's going on, buddy? You gotta focus, alright? You gotta work on that throw!" Dylan called out to the young boy, who half nodded and sighed heavily in response.

Not long after, Dylan signaled the young boys scattered throughout the large field to gather around. He spoke some encouraging words to the boys before allowing them to disperse and gather their equipment which meant practice was over.

Your son, however, stayed behind for a minute. There was an inaudible conversation happening between Dylan and your ten year-old, Roman. You watched from the bleachers as your son made some tired gestures at his coach followed by a small pat on the back from Dylan. You couldn't help but follow them with your eyes as they made their way to the bleachers, your eyes lingering a bit too long on the brown haired coach. An action that wasn't taken lightly by the female sitting beside you.

"You're staring at him again." Your best friend, Ezra's mother, Eliza -or just Liz, commented.

"I'm not." You muttered out quickly, tearing your eyes away from the handsome coach, your mouth hanging open for a couple of seconds. "I wasn't staring." You stated matter of factly and shrugged as you looked down at the small six year-old sitting on your lap, making sure she wasn't paying attention to the conversation.

"Really? The drool coming from your mouth says otherwise." Liz playfully ran her finger across your chin, pretending to wipe away at it. You slightly glared at her, an eye roll going her way.

"I'm not drooling. I wasn't even staring." You tried to defend yourself, making a small sassy gesture to her.

"Hey, I don't blame you. If I wasn't married," she took a pause as she eyed Dylan as he removed his baseball hat to run a hand through his messy chocolate locks, you couldn't help but stare as well. "I'd jump on his bones any day."

"Hey, there's young ears present." You said quietly to Liz as not to disturb the young girl in your arms.

Despite your attempt not to, you couldn't help but allow your eyes to fall once again on the field, following the handsome male that was the topic of your conversation. You had to hide the infatuated sigh that left your lips at the sight of your son's coach running around the field, talking to the kids and picking up equipment.

"Well he is handsome, I'll give him that.." You admitted quietly, "and he's really good with the kids."

Your friend smirked slightly at your words and wiggled her eyebrows at you.

"I bet that's not the only thing he's really good at." She eyed you suggestively and slightly nudged at you with her shoulder, "You should find out what other things he's good at."

Your mouth instantly fell open and your eyes widened at the insinuation.

"Eliza! Oh, my god. Don't say that." You slightly shook your head to brush off the embarrassment and hid your face on your hands to cover the crimson on your skin.

"Mommy you're warm!" Athena, your six year-old giggled as she grabbed your warm, sweaty hands. Even your daughter noticed the nervousness that crept up on you when it came to Dylan, even if it was just the topic of him. Truth was, you had been shamelessly crushing on your son's baseball coach ever since he joined the team a couple of months ago. 

Get it together, you should not be crushing on your son's baseball coach.

"I know baby, it's just hot out here." You tried to brush it off, but the knowing smirk on Liz's face wasn't exactly helping. "Thena, why don't you go get Roman and Ezra? They're over there." You pointed to the field where Roman and Ezra were talking —or more like just Ezra was, to the other kids on the team. She quickly nodded and bolted off the bleachers, somehow not tripping over the steps as she went down. You sighed heavily the moment the young girl was far enough and slightly turned your head in Liz's direction.

"You should totally ask him out." She said out of nowhere with a shrug and a smirk on her face. Your eyes widened for the hundredth time, and you instantly shook your head frantically, the idea alone giving you a headache.

"Ask Dylan out? No way. I.. No.. That's just.. No." Your cheeks slightly heat up at the preposition. But you quickly turned it down with a vigorous shake of your head, not even giving the idea a minute to sink into your brain. "No, he's Roman's coach. It's just wrong."

"Why? I mean, you're single, and as far as I know, he's very single. Soo," she dragged the 'o' as she wiggled her eyebrows and she nudged your shoulder, pushing you over a little in a high school girl manner, "Why not get ready to mingle with the hot coach?"

"First of all, I'm technically not single, not yet." You groaned with an eyeroll. As much as you and your husband —or ex-husband or whatever were no longer living together, the divorce process had been unnecessarily long and dreadful. So as much as you wanted to be legally single, you were still married to that piece of shit. 

"And second of all, if I were to date someone, which is a big if, I can't date Roman's coach out of all people. He already has enough as it is. It'll just confuse him and probably upset him more." You sighed heavily as you looked over to the side of the field, where all the boys were having a conversation about elementary boys' things. And there you saw your son, trying, and ultimately failing at joining said conversations. And with little Athena tugging at his side, all he got from the other kids was laughing and rejection.

Seeing your son's sad and hurt expression when the other boys laughed at him or even told him to go away broke your heart. You wanted him to be happy again. You wanted him to be the energetic and loving kid he was before your waste of a husband left. Ever since Ryan —your waste of a husband left, Roman hasn't been the same. 

For the past six or so months, he has been distant and seemingly unhappy. All he ever did was lock himself up in his room and play video games. He barely ever interacted with you and Athena anymore. He barely interacted with anyone, period. Once Ryan left, it was up to you to support your kids financially. Of course, their father still paid child support, but he sure as hell didn't pay your bills or everything you needed to spend on your children. Which meant you had to take him out of the fancy school he went to in order to still pay the monthly expenses of your home. And he just didn't quite fit in at school, especially now. 

So, you hoped that him joining the baseball team would change that, that it would help him open up again and that it would help him make new friends. But so far, it's worked just the opposite.

"So, I'm making dinner tonight. Do you want to come over with the kids and get drunk? Luke will watch over the kids." Liz spoke, interrupting your train of thought.

"That sounds a-mazing," you spoke in a song-like tune, a sigh of contentment leaving your lips. "But I can't. I told Roman I'd take him to that Italian place he likes."

"Tomorrow then. I'll have that Chardonnay you love so much waiting for you." She winked at you as you both stood up, ready to greet your children.

"Thank God for your alcohol stash." You joked, flinging your arms up in praise. 

You both laughed and smiled in your children's direction, but your smile dropped as your kids and Ezra approached you. Ezra was holding Athena's hand, while Roman walked behind them, with a certain heaviness on his step and an annoyed look on his face. And Athena had a small pout on her face.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"Rome doesn't want to hold my hand!" Athena whined with a pout of her lower lip. She released Ezra's hand and exchanged it for your own. Ezra going to his own mom. While Roman simply stood there, with a hand stuffed into his pockets and the other messing with the strap of his bag, his gaze stuck on the ground.

"Roman, baby," you sighed softly, not wanting to give the poor kid a hard time. You understood he didn't exactly fit in, no matter how much he wanted to, and that upset him. You didn't want to add up to that. "Your sister just wanted you to hold her hand."

"She was embarrassing me.. I'm already the kid without a dad, I don't need to be the kid with an annoying  baby sister." He muttered, his gaze not once leaving the ground.

 His words were harsh, but lacked emotion. And it broke your heart. But as much as you wanted to tell him that it wasn't true, that he did have a dad, you'd be lying if you did. Ryan was already absent in your children's lives before the split, but at the same time he was there, and Roman felt as if he was. But now, his father really wasn't there, at all. And there was nothing you could do about it.

You sighed softly, gesturing your free hand out for him, "Roman, come here," a heavy sigh left the young boy's lips as he took a few steps closer, standing in front of you with his head hanging low and his eyes stuck to the ground. You used your hand to hold the side of his face, his eyes meeting with your own. "Baby, Thena just wanted to show you that she loves you. She didn't mean to embarrass you, right Thena?" You turned your attention to the small girl that hid behind your arm, her eyes glistening with tears.

The small girl sniffled and shook her head, "No.. I'm sorry Rome.. I won't do it ever again, I-I promise."

You exchanged looks between your children, your eyes finally landing on Roman as you waited for a response. You raised an eyebrow at him, your eyes speaking a silent 'and' to the boy. He eventually signed, almost too heavily, and nodded. 

"It's okay, I guess.. I don't really mind all that much." He half smiled, shrugging slightly.

Athena's expression quickly lightened, the small girl detached herself from your hand and hugged her older brother. And as much as he hated to admit it, he didn't mind the affection. He returned the hug and smiled, for a moment at least.

After a second or two, Roman slightly pushed Athena off him, signaling that that had been enough affection for a day. You breathed out softly, turning to look at Liz, who gave you a sympathetic smile in response. 

"Well my loves, off we go. Say goodbye to Auntie Liz and Ezra." Both your children did as you said. Athena hugging both of them, and Roman simply waving at them. Good enough.

And at last, you gave Liz a quick but tight hug, "I'll call you tomorrow." You said shortly before you grabbed a hold of your daughter's hand and your son's bag, and eventually parted ways.

Today was gonna be a long day.

《Here's an edited version of part 1. As always I hope y'all enjoyed it. I'm trying to get back into writing after a long year, hopefully this will help me get back on track. Let me know your thoughts. And let me know if you'd like to be added to my dylan/coach taglist which I do have》