#piñata my little pony

[ch0mpkin]

Everypony!

[dapper-lil-arts]

Thank goodness I've found someone who can't stand Fluttercord. To be honest, I'm not too fond of Discord either. It always struck me as weird that the show seemed determined to sell him as this reformed villain who's changed for the better, and yet he's continued to do the same stuff he did as a villain. And let's not even get into the toxcity of his relationship with Fluttershy. "Keep Calm and Flutter On" is one of the worst episodes that's come out of My Little Pony! It's like this show was desperately trying to make you forget about the moral of "Griffon the Brush-Off".

yeahhhh I'm kind of in a weird place in all this because like. if the intent of the narrative was to explore that being born with cosmic power makes you unfit to wield it and an entirely unsympathetic unempathetic creature, they nailed it. Like, making this guy think hes always the smartest in the room while he's also bitter, petty, easily prone to jealousy and even controlling-- That is exactly what is correct to expect from a being of unlimited power that was born with it. In a sense, it would be clever exploration. ...But it's kind of not that, he's supposed to be one of the good guys and regularly fucks shit up on purpose for everyone, and that's just a weird attitude for the good guys to forgive. Celestia wanted him to use his powers for good, but I struggle to think of one example of him doing so. Even when the changelings took over, his powers were nullified, so he could have been replaced by an earth pony. And then the narrative goes to the thing of "He's only nice now because there's one girl thats cute and pretty that he simps for" And that is just kind of insanely fucked up?! Don't get me wrong, power imbalance can be a fantastic way to explore relationships-- But if I was Fluttershy I'd probs be terrified of having a yandere god that only listens to me because I give him attention, and the moment I decide I want relationships with other people, those people are gonna get turned into piñatas. Okay, tangeant almost over. Maybe this affected even more negatively than most because I watched a show called "Jessica Jones" Where the antagonist is an evil mind controling sadist, BUT, he has a huge crush on the protagonist, and she realises that if she were to sacrifice her own life to be with him, she could essentially trick him, if not convince him to use his insanely powerful powers of coercion to change the world for the better. ...And that's just horrific. Sacrificing your life to be the object of affection of a powerful being just because they might do good things with your presence, not out of their own volition. But hey, that's all subtext, the MLP text is generally lighthearted. (nevermind the finale in which discord literally endangers equestria for shits and giggles, and nevermind the fact that gen 5 proved that without fluttershy Discord would lose his shit and do deranged things to the whole world)

The voice acting is great, the character conceptually is great, but goddamn, why did they think that he's more worth redemption than the literal child? #cozyglowdeservedbetterfromthewriters

[lostghost0o0]

The Outsiders Headcannons: At a Mexican Party

Ponyboy -

would be super awkward at first

he would be sitting at the ‘kids table’, just fidgeting with his fingers

eventually the primos would start to small talk with him, getting him to open up

all the adults really like him

they think that he’s super respectful and polite

of course the tios will tease him over his name

but then they’d probably reassure him, pat his back and say something like; “No mas estamos jugando contigo, mijo!”

they’d think he’s to skinny and practically force him to eat lol

“Comé, mijo, comé!”

abuelita would absolutely adore him

she’d ask him to help her with everything, and Ponyboy being the mannered kid he is, would always oblige

she’d pinch and kiss his cheeks

“Gracias mijito!”; “U-Uhh.. no problem…”

Pony would blush and get all embarrassed and the gang would tease him

secretly likes the motherly love from abuelita

Sodapop -

I can’t think of a lot for him 😭

I’ll try tho

the primas would absolutely swoon over him lol

they would ask him to dance repeatedly

the primos would ask him for tips on how to get girls and he would gladly give them advice

one of the little kids would probably have a crush on him

they’d get jealous of one of the primas that got to dance with him, might even throw a small tantrum

the tias would constantly make comments like; “Estas tan guapo, mijo!” “Que hermoso niño!” “Tienes novia, mijo?”

they would try and hook him up with their daughters

I could honestly see him flirting with the tias playfully/as a joke and the tias would laugh all loud

they’d do that cheer that tias do like; “Ahhhhhh!”

Darry -

Darry would kinda just be there

but he’d definitely get along with everyone

everyone thinks he’s this super strong guy and they ask him to do favors for them a lot

the little kids would think he’s a superhero or something and some might follow him around

they’d probably beg him to pick them up lol

the tios would probably give him a nickname like; “Superman” “Luchador” “Rocky”

they also think that he’s super responsible

one tired mom would probably ask him if he could take her sleeping baby inside to a random bedroom

“Oh, sure. Where do you want him?”; “It doesn’t matter, just as long as he’s in a bed and he doesn’t roll off.”

Darry does NOT know how to hold a baby

the whole time he’s internally freaking out; ‘Am I holding him too tight?’ ‘Am I doing this right?’ ‘I don’t wanna drop em’, please don’t drop him’

he’s actually doing fine but to ease his worries the tias help him out anyways

If it’s a kid’s birthday then I can totally see him helping out the tios holding up the piñata

he’d actually really enjoy the party, they’d make him feel appreciated :)

Johnny -

they’d probably all think that he’s Mexican

everyone would automatically feel comfortable around him and speak to him in Spanish

Johnny would kinda just look at them confused before explaining that he doesn’t understand

“Como estas en escuela?”; “Uh… S-Sorry I don’t speak Spanish…”

they’d think that he’s just a ‘no sabo kid’ and try and teach him Spanish

Johnny is pretty quiet and stand-offish so everyone would try and include him in everything

drinking, dancing, karaoke, anything you can think of they called him over to join them

I think it would be cute if they called him ‘morrocho’ due to his dark tanned skin

constantly feeding the family dog when nobody’s looking

I also think it’s cute if he develops a soft spot for the kids at the party

like, he lets them drag him around to play with them

according to the book, he’s the shortest in the gang

the primos tease him a little over his height and at some point they even toss him up in the air(my own primos have done that before lol)

they accidentally throw him up really high and poor Johnny is a bit shaken up(has also happened to me), they immediately apologize

all in all, he starts to feel a part of the family :)

Dallas -

the kids absolutely love him and he “hates” that

he wanted to be mean and mess with the kids so he flipped over the bouncy castle

he wasn’t aware the kids would find it fun tho and begged him the rest of the night to do it again

“Do it again! Do it again!”; “No.”

the kids would definitely follow him around because they think of him as the cool older kid

if it was a kid’s birthday party he would definitely wreck the piñata, yank it off the rope, and rip it open, spilling the candy everywhere

Darry would be annoyed but the kids would cheer and quickly scram to the ground to find candy, almost making Dal fall

he would also smash the birthday kid’s face into the cake to be mean, and again, the kids thought it was funny

he would definitely flirt with all the primas, they would think he’s a perv or cute or both

they also think his blue eyes are scary

the primos and him would have a little beef cause Dallas yelled at them for throwing up Johnny lol

would def get along with that one cholo cousin there

the adults don’t like him, they think he’s a bad influence

he complains about the attention he’s getting from the kids but deep down he likes it

Two-Bit -

you KNOW this man is drinking with the tios

they all think he’s funny af

would laugh his ass off when the kid got their face smashed into the cake

he has no enemies fr

everyone likes him, old and young

he somehow learns how to dance cumbia, bachata, la iguana, merengue, and how to zapatear all in one night

but he absolutely STRUGGLES with salsa(same)

there’s always that one tia that encourages people to dance, so of course she called up Two to dance with her

everything was going fine till Marc Anthony’s ‘Flor Palida’ came on, he actually tripped over his own feet and fell lmao

he learns how to do ‘a la bim, a la bom, a la bim bom ba’, which is basically a way of cheering before taking a drink

he basically becomes one of the tios

when they play loteria and el borracho comes up, they say his name

he leaves the party all wobbly too, they gotta help him to the car

I strongly believe that he would leave the party dressed completely different, probably like this;

Steve -

was stuffing his face the entire time

birria, carne asada, menudo, posole, arroz con leche, flan, anything you can think of

he felt like he was in heaven

when people didn’t finish their food they would pass the plates over to him

the kids don’t like him

when the candy from the piñata came out he dove in and stole some of it from the kids just to pick on them

many cried and later that night they ganged up on him lmao

I KNOW he knows how to do a grito, he’s super good at it too

he empresses everyone when he does it

he’ll try to speak Spanish but it just sounds so funny

he’ll speak Spanish with a thick American, southern accent

he definitely gets competitive in loteria

he practically shouts buenas when he wins

“La Escalera-“; “BUeNaS!!”

he’ll leave the party with a whole bunch of containers of food

BONUS!

Cherry -

would honestly be uncomfortable at first since she’s never really been to any parties before

there’s also a lot of people, makes her a bit nervous

but some primas start to talk to her and she starts to ease up

the tias think she’s absolutely beautiful and don’t hesitate to tell her

“Ay, eres tan hermosa!” “Que bonito pelo tienes!”

similar with Soda, they’d try and hook her up with one of their sons

she’s an only child but she’s always wanted little siblings, so she absolutely adores the little kids

she plays with them as long as it doesn’t involve getting dirty

she stays with the primos in one room for most of the night, where the primas spill the chisme

“Y sabes que? I heard that Ricky got a girl pregnant!”; *gasp* “No way!”

a couple of little kids sneak into the room and the primos yell at them to leave, but Cherry convinces them to let them stay

the little kids braid Cherry’s hair and she just lets them, they listen to the chisme and whisper some of their own add-ons to Cherry

she ends up leaving the party with all the primas’ numbers and they continue to talk chisme on the phone

[painonthebrain]

Whump/creative prompts based on my random interests - My Little Pony edition!

Celestia ☀️ - Burns / Weight of the crown / Regret / Apotheosis

Luna 🌙 - Banished / Solitude / Corruption / Night terrors

Cadence 🩵 - Love spell / Replaced / Rescue / Crystals

Twilight Sparkle 🌌 - Forced transformation / Research / Magical fatigue / Destiny

Rarity 💎 - Darling / Needles / Living mannequin / Reflection in the mirror

Rainbow Dash 🌈 - Defiant whumpee / Storm / Lightning strike / Fight

Pinkie Pie 🧁 - Games / Poisoned cake / Piñata / Laughing & crying

Fluttershy 🌻 - Pet whump / Wilderness / Hair pulling / Compliant whumpee

Applejack 🍎 - Overworked / Lies / Resilience / Grime

Discord ⁉️ - Crack whump / Torture for fun / Mind control / Illness

[foundfamilyhq]

Submissions are open

Submit your blorbos (or just any character you like) via the form here. Please do not submit via the askbox. You can check this list here to see which characters have already been judged by the blog This is the last time that submissions will be open in 2023 and also the last time they'll be open before the Redemption Event early next year, so if you don't submit now, you might be waiting a while Below is a list of fandoms we have a backlog for. You can still submit for these series, but you'll be waiting longer before your blorbo gets polled:

LEGO franchises (Monkie Kid, Ninjago and the LEGO Movie) Pokemon Spider Man (Spiderverse) Danganronpa (+fan games, I'm told) Godzilla franchises (Singular Point, Planet of the Monsters, etc.) Transformers franchises (Earthspark and general) Assassination Classroom Gundam Wing Hazbin Hotel / Helluva Boss The Adventure Zone Supernatural Bluey My Little Pony Doctor Who Steven Universe Hi-Fi Rush Baldur's Gate 3 Regretervator Five Nights at Freddy's The Owl House Sk8 the Infinity Mega Man Zootopia Adventure Time Repurpose Hotel Transylvania Viva Piñata Jujutsu Kaisen TOME 2011 Kirby

[ask-nick-carraway]

Dear Nick,

I wrote you a poem! I hope that's alright with you.

Here goes nothing:

Bong-bong-bong (we good, we good, we good?) Bong-bong-bong-bong-bong (like a drum) Bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong (haha, this is fire) Nigga, eat this ass like a plum (plum) This pussy tight like a nun (nun) Better chew it up like it's gum (gum) Then wipe your mouth when you done (okay) I'm hot like Nevada, pussy get popped, Piñata Bitch, I look like money (like money) You could print my face on a dollar Beat it up Beat it up Beat it up Beat it up Okay Five, four, three, two, one, lift off Honey, I'm home, shoes gettin' kicked off (uh) Every time I turn around, a bitch pissed off (ah-ha) Little dusty ass hoes need a lint brush (woo) You gon' settle down, you gon' live with him (what?) I don't even wanna post a pic with him (no) The bag he just bought me was a Goyard (Goyard) That ain't yo' nigga, he is both ours Pussy tight like a nun (nun) Countin' hundreds up with my thumb (thumb) I don't care where you from (from) Better beat this shit like a drum (okurr) Don't be talkin' shit like you know me (woo) I ride dick like a pony Girl, that nigga look like a brokey (Real hot girl shit) Go and fuck with his homie, he a- (ah) This ass sit like a stallion, all these wannabes my lil' ponies These hoes camped out in the comments, always talkin' like they know me (ayy) Thick bitches in a black truck, packed in Eat whoever in my way, Ms. Pacman Hermes, made a real big purchase Purse so big, had to treat it like a person Bad bitch (bad bitch) in real life (in real life) Show me real love, give a fuck about them likes ('bout them likes) Bitch tryna say I ain't fine? Oh, alright They know I'm thick like I'm eatin' beans with the rice Like lean over ice, got the real meat pies I be spillin' like my ass, out these jeans when they tight And the way they watch me, need to be monetized (ah) I'ma need a money bag if I sleep overnight Wait, wait, wait (hold up) Wait, wait (hold up) Hoes pop pills, but I'm the one they can't take (yeah) Hot girl shit, I'ma make somethin' shake I know the stiff hoes can't relate (ah) Shoot your shot like a free throw Just know this pussy ain't free though My BD is a Migo Bitch, your BD is a zero My back shots sound like bongos I ain't scared to admit, I'm a freak ho At least I'm gettin' my money Y'all hoes broke, pussy took more turns than a keyhole It did Like a bum I'ma throw it back like it's Thursday I got cake, I'm lit, it's my birthday (ah) Look I don't ride on my knees, bitch, I ride on my toes Big fat ass, it be eatin' up the thong Gotta garage full of foreign cars that I never drove A bitch couldn't school me with a student loan I'm so sexy, I could Met Gala in a robe I could body every look and I could body every pose (yes) Neck full of diamonds, yeah, I'm forever froze Will Cardi ever fall off? Bitch, we'll never know (whoa) Beat it up Wait Bitch, I'm hot (hot), like Nevada ('vada) Pussy get popped, Piñata (bap) Lookin', like money (cold) You could print my face on a dollar (okay) This pussy, Dominicana This pussy, Americana (ayy) Si tu quiere que te toma toma Bought a couple cribs on my own, I'm a owner Beat it up Real hot girl shit La Cardi (ah) I hope you like it! I worked really hard on it.

Sincerely,

Matt

Oi arsehole,

I just came to visit Nick for some important work related business and I find him on the bloody floor with this letter at his desk.

Is he? Is he dead?

Right. I kicked him a few times and he made a noise so I think he’s alive.

Still, that was a shite thing to do mate, scaring him like that.

Only I’m allowed do to that.

Bugger off,

Achava

[adalanaisdying]

A list of some things I love <3

Billie Holiday

My Little Pony

Monster High

Literature

Leo Tolstoy

Real poetry

Spring

Summer

Tying my shoelaces

Braiding my hair

Seeing other people smile, especially strangers

Giving strangers compliments

Doodling

Wide eyes

Fluffy things

Blankets

Mugs

Art in every day items

Unique colours

Flowers

Mason jars

Stuffed animals

Animals

Homemade baked goods

Cooking

Kitchens

Balcony’s

Smooth, slow jazz

Voices that sound like the colour yellow

Old things

DVDs

CDs

Flavoured water

Lemonade

Lemonade stands

Small towns

Really good fish and chips restaurants in small towns with patios

Ponds

Small fish

Small pictures

Ceiling decorations

Comfy, cosy, unique chairs and sofas

Glass tables

Circles

Sand

Small seashells

Living slow

Families

Bed curtains

Animated butterflies

Trees

Shaped bushes and hedges

The “&” symbol

Writing my “a”’s like they’re typed

Soft sighs

Waking up early naturally

Sun beams

Wood

Fire places

Knitted sweaters and scarves

Hand made gifts

Lipstick kiss marks

Rosy cheeks

Soft hairbrushes

Pretty dresses

Easter egg hunts

Woven baskets

Silver jewelry

Love jewelry

Simple names

The font “Garamond”

Paperback books

Annotating books

Handmade wooden bookshelves

Red window seats

Music boxes

Slow dancing

Love letters

Candles

Family game nights

Birthday cards

Piñatas

Farms

Big parks with trails

Picnics

Love

Hugs

Soft tears

Joyful memories

Drive in movies

Classic chick flicks

The movie “The Notebook”

Chivalry

Stone houses

[glorioustragedykid]

[eddtheenigma]

STIMBOARD OF MY MLP OC!!

🪅Pitaya Piñata🇲🇽

who knows I might make a ref sheet for him some day!

🪅|🪅|🪅

🪅|🪅|🪅

🪅|🪅|🪅

(I think the confetti ones original post was deleted, the link to it doesn't pop up for me)

[haydenhappyrave]

day 25: candy gore

[daydreamrulez]

My Little SunShim

Chapter 5 - Sunset’s Big Birthday Celebration (Part 1)

Meanwhile at CHS, Everyone including Sunset is having a great time at Sunset’s gigantic birthday party. Sunset is getting ready to smash the piñata.

“Are you ready to smash the piñata Sunset?” said Pinkie Pie.

“Ready as ever Pinkie!” said Sunset Shimmer. “The piñata is so beautiful and so cute! It looks like my logo/cutie mark!”

“Aww! Thanks Sunset!” said Pinkie. “I made it myself! Now let’s get you ready to smash the piñata!”

Pinkie puts the blindfold over Sunset’s eyes and gives Sunset a whacking stick! Pinkie starts spinning Sunset around for a few seconds and every student cheers for Sunset. Pinkie stops spinning Sunset and Sunset takes a deep breath.

“I can do this. I can do this.” Sunset thought to herself.

Sunset jumps up super high in slow motion and everyone was in awe when they saw Sunset jump up like an action hero. Sunset does a really loud battle cry.

“YAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!” Sunset screamed.

Sunset swings her whacking stick and it hits the piñata. The piñata breaks from one epic hit and it all the candy fell from the broken piñata. Sunset does an epic superhero landing and everyone starts cheering super loudly for Sunset.

“THAT WAS SO AWESOME SUNSET!!!” Rainbow Dash screamed. “YOU ARE SOOOOO VERY AWESOME!!!!”

“That was super impressive Sunset, darling!” said Rarity. “We didn’t know you can do epic high jumps!”

Sunset removes the blindfold from her eyes.

“Thanks everyone!” Sunset blushed. “I learned how to do that in gymnastics class!”

“Wow! That sounds super duper amazing!” surprised Sci Twi. “Maybe you can invite us to your gymnastics class and show us your spectacular moves!”

“Well, okay!” Sunset blushes happily.

Everyone cheered and whistles for Sunset.

“Okay everybody! WHO WANTS SOME CANDY?!!!” Sunset shouted.

Everyone cheered while running to the candy that is on the clean floor and everyone picked up some candy. Sunset joined in and picks up some candy too. Sunset knew that she is really having a great time.

(This chapter is also available at Fimfiction!)

[petitelepus]

Mtmte megatron with an s/o who's just like pinkie pie?

How did this happen? What power in the name of Primus forced a serious mech like Megatron to put on a bright pink party hat and watch as mechs take turns in beating a huge pink pony piñata.

"Are you enjoying yourself, my big grouchy touchy Snookums?" You asked as you suddenly jumped from God knows where. "You haven't even tried to whack the pony!"

Megatron grunted as he turned to look at you, "Pardon me, but this is the fifth party you're having us attend today!"

"But of course! We have to celebrate, bla bla, bla bla bla, bla-!"

Megatron stopped listening and instead watched how you talked about one reason to another one why you all should party, but he couldn't bring himself to hate it.

No, not when he saw how your bright blue optics shined when you happily explained the reason why you should all throw away your worries and focus on the positivity.

You reminded Megatron a little of this another pink Cybertroanian called Arcee who highly enjoyed slaughtering her enemies, but where she was a killing machine, you're a party machine.

You always try your hardest to make the best out of the worst situation and help others overcome any hardships they might have gone through. You always focused on the good things, no matter how small or big.

Maybe it's your positivity and eagerness to help others, but somehow you managed to snatch Megatron's spark when he wasn't looking.

Suddenly you gasped and quickly grabbed your Conjunx's shoulder.

"Oh, they're bringing the oil cake! Quickly, let's go grab a piece!" You cheered and Megatron smiled lightly but made no attempt to move.

"Would you bring me some?" He asked and you gave him one of your winner smiles, "Anything for my Snookums!" You quickly pecked your Conjunx's cheek before rushing to get some cake before others ate everything and Megatron smiled as he watched after you.

[ichooseobscure]

MASTERLIST (never completed)

sarendipity books

clothing and fashion design

Lisa frank

trollz animation 2005

bella sarah

original littlest pet shop

purble place

the Yellow Submarine Beatles animated movie specifically

Red vs Blue

my little pony g1

monster high g1

possibly in michigan

dirty paws

welcome to hell

butter lover

viva Piñata trouble in Paradise

Boxtrolls

stones/rocks/gems/crystals

ALF

[mandaloriandragontrainer]

Can’t Breathe

AO3 link

Bill still haunts the twins’ dreams.

TW: panic attack

It was completely dark. No. Not completely. Thin slits of light filtered in, as though through someone’s fingers.

“Mabel,” Dipper groaned. “Stop doing that.” He reached up to pull her arms down, but found them stiff and unyielding.

“Wowee, you really do have noodle arms, Pine Tree.”

Dipper’s stomach fell to the floor. Not again. Not another dream. Why did they always seem so real?

“G-g-get away from me, B-Bill,” he demanded through chattering teeth. “You’re not real. You’re just-just another dream.”

“You think I don’t know that!? Stupid kid. And here I thought you were smart. I’m a dream demon, Pine Tree. Dreams are where I’m the most real.”

“Go away! You can’t do anything to me! You’re not here! You’re dead!”

Dipper’s feet were pulled out from underneath him. He was staring down at a black abyss, suspending by blue chains. “Look at you up there! Like a little piñata!”

“Leave me alone!” Dipper demanded, flinging his head back and forth searching for the demon. “Where are you!?”

“What kind of question is that, kiddo? You know exactly where I am.”

Hesitantly, Dipper let his gaze wander up... or down... to the abyss. He realized how it reflected like darkened glass. Two yellow eyes stared back, red-rimmed and psychotic.

His own eyes.

***

“You can’t have him!”

Mabel dug her feet into the ground, pushing back her brother’s body. Their whole life, they’d been equally matched. Why was he so much stronger now?

“This was his choice, Shooting Star! You think he’s so smart, dontcha? He should’ve known better than to trust me!”

Bipper flung Mabel back against the ground. “Face it, Shooting Star, your brother is mine. Just like you’re about to be.” He grinned maliciously. “Stanley will never be able to hurt his sweet little pumpkin pie.”

“Wha-what do you mean?”

“It’s like this, sweet’ums,” Bipper bent over and flicked Mabel’s chin. “You and your brother are my slaves now. Either you do exactly what I say when I say it or you’re dead. Worse than dead. Oh-ho, so much worse. Now shake my hand if you ever want to see your brother alive again, honeybun.”

“N-no!” Mabel put her hands to her ears. “This isn’t real, it’s all pretend! It’s just a dream!”

“Funny, your bro-bro said the same thing.” Her hands did nothing to drown out Bill’s maniacal voice. “Why do you fleshbags think a dream makes anything less real? You can’t escape me, babycakes. Even if you.... WAKE UP.”

Mabel screamed and flew up right. A dream. It was just a dream. She was here, in the Shack, in her bed with her purple nightgown and Sev’ral Timez pillowcase and stuffed pony and Waddles sleeping on the rug beside her. No evil laughter. Nothing to hear but her pig’s soft snoring and the buzz of the air conditioner and Dipper’s frantic panting.

Wait.

“Dipper? Are-are you okay?” She whispered.

Nothing but pained wheezes in response.

“Dipper?” She hopped from the bed, socked feet padding across the floor to her brother’s side. “Dipper, what’s wrong?”

Her twin was sitting up, one hand clutching his heart and the other steadying himself on the nightstand. “I-I-I can’t-I can’t-I can’t breathe...” he gasped. “I can’t breathe. Mabel. I can’t-I can’t!”

“Just-just try to slow it down,” she pleaded. “You’re hypervent-hypervent... that word! You’re breathing too fast!”

“Mabel, I’m gonna die,” Dipper choked. “Oh, I’m gonna die, I’m gonna die...”

“Don’t say that!” Mabel wailed, tears springing to her eyes. “You’re not! Why are you saying that?”

Dipper fumbled for her hand. He was shaking so much. It terrified her.

“Grunkle Stan!!!” she bawled. “Grunkle Ford!!! Help, please help!!!”

Only a few moments later, footsteps thundered up the stairs in response. The door was kicked open and her grunkles burst into the room in their sleepwear, Stan wielding his brass knuckles and Ford pointing his gun at an invisible threat.

“What is it, Mabel, where’d he go?!” Stan exclaimed, furiously surveying the room.

“It’s Dipper!” She wailed, running to her grunkle and throwing her arms around him. “He can’t breathe and he’s dying!”

Ford quickly holstered his gun and knelt at Dipper’s side. “Mason, look at me. Look me in the eyes.”

“I-I can’t breathe, Gr-Grunkle Ford,” Dipper grabbed his hand in terror. “I’m d-dying.”

“Listen to me, Mason. You’re not dying. You’re having a panic attack. Look at me. I know it’s frightening, but you’re safe. I’m right here with you. You’re not going to die.”

“I-I can’t.... I can’t...”

“What’s 2 times 3?”

“Wha-what?”

“2 times 3, my boy.”

“S-s-six.”

“Very good. What about 28 divided by 7?”

“F-four.”

Mabel glanced back at her brother from Stan’s hug. “Why is he making him do math?”

“I think he’s trying to calm him down, sweetie. Must be a nerd thing.”

“Very good job,” Ford gently rubbed Dipper’s back. “See? Your breathing is already slowing down. Can you breathe in through your nose?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Excellent. Breathe in deeply and hold it if you can. Out through the mouth.”

Dipper obeyed, although his breath wobbled. Stan flipped on the light, and Mabel could see her brother’s sleep shirt was completely soaked through with sweat.

“I couldn’t breathe,” he mumbled, clutching his uncle’s fingers like a lifeline.

“Shhh, boy. Just focus on breathing. We need to bring your heart rate down.”

“See, pumpkin?” Stan kneeled to eye level with his niece and gave her a hug. “Your brother’s just fine. He’s not goin anywhere.”

“It was Bill,” Dipper whimpered. “He was in my dream. He stole my body again, but-but it was like I was still in it too.” He looked at Ford, brown eyes wide and afraid. “Was it just a dream, Grunkle Ford? What if he’s really there?”

“Bill’s astral form was destroyed, my boy,” Ford assured. “But even if he were able to piece himself back together enough to enter your dreams, you have to remember he can’t hurt you there.”

“It-it felt like he could...” Tears started to roll down Dipper’s cheeks. He buried his face in his knees, unable to keep his shoulders from shuddering. “I could feel everything and-and I couldn’t make it stop. Not like when we were in Stan’s head.”

“He said we were his slaves.”

“What?” Ford turned to Mabel, surprised by her statement.

“He-he was in my dream, too,” Mabel ducked her head under Stan’s arm, feeling as though Bipper could pounce her again if she didn’t stay hidden. “He was in Dipper’s body like he was at the puppet show. And-and he said me and Dipper were his and-and if we didn’t do what he said he’d hurt us really bad. And before I woke up he said that dreams were just as real as being awake.”

Ford was silent for a moment. “Come over here, Mabel.” She shuffled to him and let him lift her onto Dipper’s bed. “I promise you two are completely safe here. Stan and I will never let any harm come to you, understand?”

The twins nodded. “Mm-hmm.”

“I wish I could tell you for sure that it wasn’t actually Bill you encountered. I wish I could tell you it was nothing more than a dream. But the truth is, I don’t know. It was foolish of me to be so certain he was gone for good. I promise you, I’ll find out for sure if he’s back, and if he is, together we will find a way to destroy him once and for all. But in the meantime, I’ll teach you how to combat him in your dreams.”

“What about tonight?” Mabel asked quietly, leaning against her brother’s shoulder. “I always sleep with Mom and Dad when I have a nightmare.”

“You-you can sleep with me,” Dipper offered.

“Why don’t both of you sleep in our room tonight?” Stan interjected. “Sixer and I will get started in the lab.”

“Your room?” Dipper wrinkled his nose. “Can we change the sheets first?”

“You wanna sleep outside, kid?”

“Maybe we could make a fort,” Mabel suggested. “I taped some extra unicorn hair in my scrapbook. We could use it to protect the fort.”

“That sounds like a fantastic idea,” Ford smiled. “You feel up to it, Dipper?”

“Yeah.” He slid down from the bed. “I’ll definitely sleep better.”

Stan watched the kids disappear down the stairs. “You really think you’ll be able to do something, Poindexter?”

Ford sighed. “I honestly don’t know. I’m still hoping these really are only just dreams. But you can never tell for sure when it comes to Bill.”

“Ah, if he shows up, I’ll just whallop him again. Didn’t hold up well against it last time.”

Ford shook his head. “Let’s make sure the kids are getting along all right.”

In their room, the grunkles found a lean-to of couch cushions covered with a sheet, unicorn hair pasted at the base. A crayon-colored sign stating “UNDER CONSTRUCTION” was taped at the top. Inside, the twins were collapsed in a heap, exhausted from the ordeal.

“They’re safe, Stanley.”

His brother smiled at him. “And we’ll keep it that way.”

[renaerys]

PPG One-Shot: Back At You (Butch/Buttercup)

A T-rated Greens one shot I did for our resident gothic heroine @avesthetea over on AO3! 💚

A heartfelt shoutout to the Instagram clown cult. Y’all know who you are and how much you inspire me to chronicle Brick’s eternal suffering in new and creative ways. It’s what we do.

Summary: When Buttercup's birthday planning falls apart at the last minute, the last person she would ever expect offers his help (or horror, depending on your perspective).

xxx

Buttercup’s phone buzzed on the nightstand by her head, and she jerked awake. Swallowing the bitter sleep taste, she wiped her mouth and fumbled for the phone. Head still buried in the pillow, she answered: “What time is it?”

“Time to get your ass to the precinct,” said Ty, her partner at the Citiesville Police Department. “Chief Foolery’s all hands meeting starts in twenty minutes. Tell me you’re not still asleep.”

Buttercup sprang up on her elbows and checked the time on her phone. Shit, she was going to be late. “Shit, I’m going to be late!”

“Girl, that’s what I’m tellin’ you—”

“Gotta go, bye!” Buttercup hung up the phone and would have launched out of bed if not for the arm that slipped around her waist and pulled her back down.

“Five more minutes,” Butch grumbled.

Buttercup lost her balance and ended up with her bare back flush against his equally bare chest. His breath was hot on the back of her neck where he pushed his nose among her loose black hair. “Butch, I have to go,” she said in a warning tone.

He chuckled, and it sent a thrill of heat down her spine and under the covers, where he pushed a knee between her thighs. “Why go when you could come?” The arm he’d looped around her waist traveled low beneath the sheets.

Buttercup groaned at his crass joke and caught his wrist before he could carry out the threat. “Because if I’m not at CPD headquarters in twenty minutes, Foolery’s going to pop a hemorrhoid—”

Butch flipped them over with his Super speed, and her back hit the mattress beneath him. He loomed over her, those green eyes acid-bright in the early morning sunlight streaming through his bedroom window. Her traitorous gaze raked up his chest, over the shadow of stubble on his jaw, and settled on those fast darkening eyes as he admired her in turn. But the moment he bent down to kiss her, she slipped out from under him in a flash of green and darted across the room. In a matter of seconds, she’d pulled out a spare change of clothes from the lone dresser drawer he’d cleared out for her use.

“Leaving me hangin’? For real?” Butch complained as he flopped back down among the sheets with a yawn.

“You’ll live. But I won’t if I’m late for this fuckery.” She dressed quickly in dark jeans and a button-up blouse before heading to the connecting bathroom Butch shared with his daughter, Brisa.

“Missin’ out!” Butch called from the bedroom.

Yeah, Buttercup thought as she combed through the tangles in her hair with her fingers and ran the water to brush her teeth. A knock on the door interrupted her morning ablutions, and Brisa entered through her bedroom door.

“G’morning,” she said. Her brown hair was a frizzy mess, and she clutched a stuffed purple Pretty Puff Pony under one arm.

Despite her haste to get out of there and jet to work, Buttercup spared the little girl a soft smile. “Morning, kid. You’re up early.”

Brisa grinned wide. “I couldn’t sleep.”

Buttercup’s smile fell immediately. “Did Butch sneak you that second chocolate bar after dinner last night? Goddamnit—Butch!”

“What, change your mind?” he called. “I knew you couldn’t leave before climbing my morning wood.”

Brisa made a face like she was going to ask, and Buttercup slammed Butch’s bedroom door shut. “Never mind. Let me guess, you were too excited to sleep because today’s your birthday, right?”

Brisa blinked up at her and smiled, her questions forgotten. “Yeah! Oh my gosh, we’re gonna have so much fun!”

Buttercup chuckled and ruffled her messy hair. “For sure. But first, I have to go to work.”

“You’ll be back for my party, right?”

“One hundred percent.”

“Pinky promise?” Brisa held out her little finger.

Buttercup hooked her pinky around Brisa’s. “I promise. Now go get dressed and brush your teeth. I’ll check on your dad.”

“Okay!”

Buttercup breezed through the bedroom, chucked Butch his sweat pants with a cautionary “Hide your dick,” and flew out of her paramour’s two-bedroom apartment in downtown Townsville just as Brisa came bursting in excited to start the day.

xxx

The morning was a complete waste of time, and a bitter part of Buttercup lamented not skipping out in favor of staying in bed with Butch.  

“Well, at least nobody died today,” Ty said as he and munched on his doner kebab lunch to go. “Yet.”

Buttercup sucked down half of a water bottle after scarfing down her own lunch. They had stopped at the food truck parked a couple blocks from the precinct, opting for a quick fix as they watched oblivious pedestrians lost to their Air Pods. “Welcome back to active duty, Mr. Brightside.”

Ty chuckled, low and deep. After a few months of healing and rigorous physical therapy, his legs were completely healed and he’d finally been cleared for work that didn’t involve pushing papers at his desk. Once more standing tall with the sun shining off his bald head, Buttercup could not have been happier to have her partner back to his old self by her side.

“You bring it outta me.” Ty winked.

“You ready to head out?” she asked, tossing her wrapper in a corner trashcan. Traffic was shit as usual midday on a Saturday, but they had time before Brisa’s party was slated to start.

“Sure. Lemme just text Melanie.”

Buttercup figured she better catch up with Butch while she waited for Ty and make sure he was on the ball.

[Buttercup: Did you pick up the cake?]

After a few seconds, he replied.

[Butch: Omw with B. You still on clown duty?]

Buttercup groaned at the reminder.

[Buttercup: Can I just say he died and couldn’t make it?]

[Butch: Sure, if you want to crush B’s hopes and dreams 💔😈]

“Kill me.”

“What’s wrong now?” Ty asked.

Buttercup pocketed her phone and led the way to the precinct parking lot where Ty’s car was parked. “Just grappling with some casual childhood trauma coming back to bite me in the ass.”

Ty side-eyed her. “Which one?”

“Ha ha.”

They made it to his red hatchback, and Buttercup slipped into the passenger seat.

“This about Brisa’s birthday party?” Ty asked.

Buttercup groaned again and tugged at her loose hair. “Of all the things, a clown? I thought they were universally considered nightmare fodder for kids these days.”

“Speakin’ of which, I think I remember a psychotic clown attacking Townsville back in the day.”

“You remember correctly.” Buttercup glowered out the window as Ty eased them into traffic toward the Golden Bay Bridge. “But it was the one thing she said she just had to have because some other dumb kid in her class got one for her party.”

“Ah. Six years old and already the social food chain’s tuggin’ on her.”

“Whatever. I never cared about that shit when I was a kid.”

Ty smiled to himself. “Uh-huh.”

Buttercup resigned herself to her unfortunate fate and dialed the company she’d previously contracted to rent a clown for the afternoon. After about five minutes on the phone, she hung up.

“What was that all about?” Ty asked. “Problem?”

Buttercup stared straight ahead as the Golden Bay Bridge’s suspender cables passed her by. “The clown died.”

Ty laughed.

“Ty.” Buttercup looked directly at him. “The guy got hit by a bus on his way to work today and he died.”

Ty shut up. “Oh, uh… Shit.”

A pause.

“I mean, is there another clown, or…?”

“I don’t fucking know,” Buttercup snapped. All she could think of was how Brisa was going to be so upset that the one goddamned thing she had asked for wasn’t going to happen because there was no time to book a new party clown on such short notice on a Saturday.

When Ty shifted in his seat, the leather squeaked loudly in the fuming silence he wisely chose not to break, until he did. “So, should I—”

“Just drive. I’ll think of something…” Buttercup said as she pulled out her phone and tried not to completely lose her shit as she dialed the one person who always seemed to know what to do in a crisis.

“Hey, Blossom,” Buttercup said gravely after her sister picked up. “I think I need some help.”

xxx

When Buttercup and Ty parked in front of her childhood home, guests had already begun arriving. Bubbles was outside greeting people and directing them to the backyard for the festivities. When she spotted Buttercup and Ty, she waved. “Hey, there you are!”

“Have you seen Blossom?” Buttercup asked.

Bubbles pushed up the sleeves of her chunky lavender sweater and looked around. “I think she and Princess were setting up the piñata. Is everything okay—”

Buttercup dashed to the backyard in a blaze of green, leaving Ty to make his way inside at a more sedate pace. The backyard was already teeming with people. Brisa was playing tag with her best friend Richie and a few other kids, while Boomer stacked presents on a table by the back door. Mike and Robin led the day drinking charge by pouring out sangria for the adults and juice for the kids. Buttercup nearly crashed through the green tissue streamers criss-crossing the enclosed backyard in her haste to locate her sister, who was in fact stringing up a red monster-shaped piñata with Princess Morbucks. Or rather, Blossom was doing all the work while Princess held two glasses of bloody sangria and provided live commentary.

“Whoever invented piñatas had the right idea is all I’m saying,” Princess said as she sipped her drink. She was annoyingly chic as usual in designer jeans, dark boots, and a purple silk blouse that probably cost more than the pittance Buttercup’s government paycheck brought in every month.

“You think so?” Blossom said, floating near a high branch so she could toss the suspension rope over it.

“Of course. You’re rewarded with candy for smashing the shit out of your mortal enemy. What could be better than that?”

Blossom grinned. “Mortal enemy in effigy.” She patted the red monster’s snout. “But you’re not wrong.”

“Obviously.” Princess handed her back her sangria, and they shared a knowing laugh.

“Blossom,” Buttercup said.

Blossom smoothed the front of her navy skirt as she turned toward Buttercup. “You’re here. Everything all right?”

Buttercup eyed Princess watching them. “I was going to ask you the same thing. Any progress on the clown front?”

“I’m sorry, the what?” Princess asked.

Blossom’s pink eyes softened, and she put a hand on Buttercup’s shoulder. “I took care of it, don’t worry.”

“Wait, really? How? I called five other rental companies, but everything’s booked solid.”

Blossom’s smile turned devious. “Trust me. Brisa’s going to be very pleased.” Buttercup wanted to argue, but her sister squeezed her shoulder in a silent entreaty. “Just enjoy the party. Boomer, Bubbles, and I have everything under control.”

“Speaking of control,” Princess had her phone out when Blossom turned back to her, “where is that prima donna? He’s not answering any of my texts.”

“Brick’s running a little late,” Blossom said as she led Princess away. “Wardrobe malfunction…”

Their voices faded to the background as Buttercup watched them. Two peas in a fucking pod, and she still didn’t really get what Blossom saw in Princess. If Princess hadn’t played such an integral part in things a couple months back, she would never have given the woman a second thought beyond “Hard pass.”

People, however, had a tendency to surprise when it was down to the wire.

“Heads up, Buttercup!”

Buttercup automatically caught the child hurtling through the air like a tossed water balloon before he could crack his head open.

“O-Oh! Hi, Buttercup,” said Richie, meek and curled in on himself like he’d forgotten he was no longer fragile.

Brisa came dashing over. “Nice catch!”

Buttercup peeled Richie off her and dropped him flat on his ass in the grass. “Brisa, don’t yeet your friends. Bubbles will have an aneurism if she catches you.”

Brisa blushed, abashed. “Sorry…”

Buttercup cracked a smile and winked, and Brisa lit up.

“I’m okay!” Richie, Super resilient, hopped onto his feet and shook out his fluffy blond hair. “Um, does this mean I’m ‘it’ now?”

“No, I wanna play with the clown!” Brisa announced.

Buttercup’s face fell. “Uh, about that…”

Brisa blinked up at her. “He’s coming to my party, right?”

The flicker of doubt that passed through Brisa’s big brown eyes cracked Buttercup’s cold stone heart. She struggled for the words to let her down gently, because whatever Blossom had managed to put together so last minute wasn’t going to be the colorful surprise Buttercup had gone out of her way to book and customize a month in advance.

A round of squeals from the other kids across the yard drew her attention, where they had gathered around Mike at the garden door. “Okay, settle down, kiddos! He’s a little shy. Now, where’s the birthday girl at? Hey, Brisa!”

“C’mon, Brisa, let’s go,” Richie said, tugging on her hand.

But she held her ground and didn’t budge. Buttercup wanted to die.

“Brisa, look,” she began.

The door behind Mike slid open, and out stepped what Buttercup could only describe as her personal revenge fantasy gone morbidly wrong. Brick had never looked so sour in his life.

“Oh! Uh, ta-da!” Mike said hastily as he stepped aside for the person formerly known as Brick until his murder by dishonor.

His steps squeaked in his oversized red shoes, and the striped red and yellow overalls he wore over a polkadot shirt ballooned out at his legs. He looked like a tropical bowling pin. He looked fucking absurd.

“It’s Flameo Hotman! Say hello, kids,” Mike said.

Brick shot Mike a scathing glare that may have incinerated him where he stood if the tiny party hat and enormous red clown nose didn’t ruin the effect. “The hell it is.”

Buttercup had no problem averting her eyes from the literal clownery to focus on Brisa, who was still staring and petrified. Oh shit, oh fuck, she was upset and it was Buttercup’s entire fault—

“Uncle Brick?” Brisa blurted out.

Brick’s lurid eyes passed over Buttercup and landed on Brisa. If Buttercup hadn’t been looking right at him, she would never have believed the way they softened just a little. He pursed his lips and lifted his elastic-tied party hat off his short red hair. It snapped back in place when he let go. “Happy birthday, Brisa.”

Brisa immediately dashed out of Richie’s grip in a sprint too fast to be human and body slammed Brick where he stood. With a grunt, he managed to catch her and keep his balance as she hugged him tight around his inflated waist and laughed. “You look so funny!”

Brick coughed. “Yeah, that’s sort of the point…”

The other kids took that as their cue to also mob Brick, and soon he was adrift in a sea of grubby hands and demands for balloon animals and magic tricks. Buttercup could not believe her eyes. She could hardly remember the last time she saw Brick dressed anything other than to the nines, and now…

“Fuck me,” she wheezed, too stunned even to laugh, it was that heinous.

“Pretty good, huh?” Bubbles sidled up to her with a wrapped present for Brisa under her arm.

Buttercup swallowed hard. She didn’t trust her voice as she watched Brick—Brick—snap at Brisa’s friends to line up in an orderly fashion if they wanted their faces painted, and no cutting the line or there would be consequences.

“The costume’s a little janky, but I didn’t have a lot of notice when Blossom told me we needed something colorful for him to wear,” Bubbles went on.

“Why?” Buttercup croaked. She turned to her baby sister, who seemed totally nonchalant existing in a universe where the selfish clown Blossom had chosen to keep for reasons Buttercup could not sympathize with deigned to dress as a literal fucking clown.

Bubbles slipped her hand in Buttercup’s and squeezed affectionately as they watched Brick paint the requested unicorn on Richie’s face as seriously as if it were a goddamned Monet. “I think this is his way of trying,” she said.

Buttercup would never forget that day two months ago when Butch asked her to come over after Brick had broken down and apologized to Boomer and him and all he wanted to do was break something, to feel it shatter in his hands, so why not her, who couldn’t break? That fight had been one of their most brutal, even compared to their rows in high school in the throes of raging hormones exacerbated by Chemical X.

They hadn’t spoken as they rinsed the dirt and sweat from each other after—Buttercup had been worried about setting him off again after he had settled into some sort of quiet serenity with his fingers in her hair, pulling the tangles out under the warm water like an artist honing his craft. Those hands were always working, always looking for something to crush.

“You ever love someone, but you don’t like them?” he’d asked her as she wrung the water from her hair and he stared at his hollow-eyed reflection in the mirror.

Buttercup was pulled from the memory when Blossom came out of the house to snap pictures on her phone of the kids with their painted faces, a bright smile on her face as Brick continued to ignore the entire world and focus on his task with surprisingly minimal complaint. Buttercup supposed that if anyone could dress like an ass-backwards buffoon and maintain some pretense of dignity, it was Brick.

“Yeah, I guess,” she said at length. She squeezed Bubbles’ hand back.

He’s trying something, all right.

xxx

“I want a dog, please!” asked a snot-nosed kid inexplicably dressed in a full dinosaur suit.

Butch watched Brick from the picnic table he’d plopped down on with a cold beer and three entire pizza boxes set aside entirely for Boomer and himself.

Brick frowned so deeply he looked like he was trying to pass a hardened turd. Wordless, he blew up a long red balloon, tied it off at the end, and handed it to the little boy. “Here.”

The kid accepted the unfolded balloon with quizzical look. “Huh? This isn't a dog.”

“Yeah, it is,” Brick said. “It’s a hot dog.”

“But that’s not what I asked—hey!” The kid squealed when Brick squirted him with water from the rubber flower on his overall strap.

“Next,” Brick said in a tone that promised medieval torture.

Cowed, the dinosaur kid slumped away with his shitty balloon, and the next little girl in line made her request.

“It had to be a bet,” Butch said grimly as he watched his brother pawn a “magic wand” on the little girl who asked for a monkey. She trudged off with the unfolded purple balloon and look in her eyes like she’d seen the hidden darkness of this world.

Boomer shrugged and swallowed a bite of pizza. He had his back to Brick, but he spared a glance over his shoulder. “I don’t know.”

“I mean, he’s gotta know the pictures will live on forever. This is unlimited blackmail.”

That got a little chuckle out of Boomer. Butch ruffled his bangs too roughly to be entirely affectionate, and Boomer swatted him away. “Dude, my hair.”

“Want me to get you a balloon dick?”

Boomer’s gaze flickered to him, and for a moment Butch was transported back twenty years to Mojo’s Observatory. He and Boomer were sometimes left by themselves while Mojo and Brick tinkered in the old man’s lab well into the night with nothing to do and no one to talk to but each other. On nights like that, Butch didn’t really mind it when Boomer crawled into his bunk and fell asleep there. The room always felt a little colder and darker without Brick there.

“I’m fine,” Boomer said.

Butch searched his eyes, blue and expressive and always shining like he might cry or laugh. He had always envied Boomer that ability to project, to offer a connection, even if it was only pain. He’d always been good at that.

“Really,” Boomer added, hardening his gaze like a fucking mind reader. “I’ll be fine.”

“Yeah.” Butch wondered how long it would take for that to be true. “You know, it’s been a couple months—”

“Butch,” Boomer said, cold like he never was.

Butch hopped off the table and put a hand on Boomer’s shoulder. “It’s been a couple months, but it’s not a race. There’s no finish line to cross.”

Boomer chuckled, but it sounded kind of like a wheeze. His hand was cool on Butch’s where he squeezed him. “Thanks, Butch.”

Butch patted his back. As he was leaving, heard Boomer call, “Make mine blue.”

Butch chuckled. “Sure.”

Fucking sap.

At least Butch wasn’t the only one.

He made his way to the terrace, where Brick was set up with balloons and the face painting station. When Brick noticed his brother waiting in line, the balloon he was inflating went up in flames and disintegrated to ashes, leaving him looking as flushed as his stupid clown nose.

“I’m out of balloons, kids. Go dig a hole or something,” he said to the remaining two children.

“Huh? But there’s a whole bag—” one little boy with enormous glasses started to say.

Brick fired his laser eye beams at the bag of balloons and blew it up. “What bag?”

The kids stalked off in a sulk, and Butch sauntered up to the chair Bubbles had brought out from the kitchen table.

“Bitch move,” he said, plopping down. “I promised Boomer I’d bring him a blue cock, made special with love.”

“Uh-huh,” Brick said. He watched Butch with those shifty red eyes like he might lash out and attack him.

Amused and a little nervous, Butch sank into the chair with much bravado and man-spreading. “Paint me like one of your French girls.”

Brick narrowed his eyes, but he picked up the paints and sat down in the opposite chair without a word, until: “What do you want?”

“I dunno, something cool. A rocket ship.”

Silence. Brick leaned in close to apply the paint with a thin brush, meticulous and anal like he was with everything he did. Butch didn’t have to see his face to know he was concentrating way too hard.

“I can feel the vibrations of you clenching your asshole from here,” Butch said. “Relax.”

“I’m relaxed.”

“Fuck off.”

Brick put down the brush. “If you keep talking, this is going to turn out shitty.”

Butch shut up. Brick resumed painting.

After a moment, Butch closed his eyes. There was something soothing about the soft scrape of the brush against his cheek. Behind his eyelids, he saw a much younger version of Brick covered in paint and grinning fiercely, king of the world, until Butch hit him with his paintball gun right in the kisser. Green paint exploded everywhere, and Boomer fell on his ass laughing. Brick angrily wiped the paint from his eyes in a goopy mess and lobbed it back at Butch, who was too far gone to care. Rolling on the grass and covered in paint, he couldn’t remember a happier afternoon spent with his brothers and Mojo. At least, not until Brisa came along.

Butch sucked in a breath as he opened his eyes and dispelled that trance-like memory. Brick didn’t even snap at him when he turned his head to look right at him. His face was pinched: his mouth too thin and his eyes too wide as he waited for another pot shot to the face.

“You look stupid,” Butch said.

“I know,” Brick said.

“Really fucking stupid.”

Brick’s eye twitched. “I know.”

“Thanks.”

Brick swallowed. “It’s her birthday.”

“Yeah, but I’m your brother. So thanks.”

It was not often that Brick was flabbergasted, but the dude looked like someone had just grabbed him by his oversized red nose. Butch burst into a sly smirk and did just that. To his sadistic satisfaction, it squeaked when he squeezed it.

“Honk honk, motherfucker,” Butch said.

It took Brick all of two seconds to ditch his bewilderment and swat Butch’s hand away. “Shit head.”

“Clown.”

To Butch’s immense surprise, Brick let him have the last word. Well, damn. He chuckled and leaned back in the chair so Brick could finish painting his cheek. Two months and he barely saw the guy on purpose, and now this.

“I’m burning every picture Blossom took today,” Brick said at length.

Butch chuckled. “You forgot about the cloud.”

“I’m burning that too.”

“Now you’re just being a whiny bitch.”

“Wipe Bubbles’ phone and I’ll pay you.”

“Eh, maybe just grab a beer sometime.” It came out so naturally that he didn’t even think about it. Brick, too, was taken aback. The more he saw it today, the less Butch liked that surprised look in his older brother’s eyes. It was fucking weird. “Seriously. It’s been a minute.”

Brick didn’t move. He didn’t even breathe. “Yeah, cool.”

“Cool.”

Cool.

“Hold on, almost done,” Brick said, and grabbed Butch’s chin to turn his face.

Butch’s eyes found Brisa running around with a large, green balloon crown on her head and her cheeks painted with rainbows, and his gaze softened. It was almost time for cake.

“Done,” Brick announced.

Before Butch could reply to that, there was a small commotion at the backyard gate with Bubbles, who followed a very short, very hairy monkey inside.

“Grandpa Mojo?” Brisa stopped playing with her friends to greet the old monkey. He had a box with a green bow on top so perfectly wrapped a department store may have done it. His arms were rigid as they held it out and Bubbles hovered just behind him, watchful.

“Good afternoon, Brisa. I have procured you a gift to celebrate, rejoice, and otherwise partake in various forms of merriment on this day of your birth, which is to say, your birthday, thus, the day you were born.”

Nearby, Blossom paused picking up trash with Robin to eye Mojo askance, nonchalant in that low key frightening I-will-blow-your-dick-off way she had. Buttercup was chatting away with Mitch Mitchelson and Clara Clearly, but she too had eyes only for Mojo.

Brisa blushed cutely, suddenly shy. “Thank you.” She accepted the gift and looked between Mojo and Bubbles. “Um, will you stay for cake?”

Mojo’s green skin turned a ghastly shade of pink. It took a Butch a moment to realize he was blushing. He was sure he had never seen Mojo blush before.

Mojo cleared his throat. “I do not eat cake,” he said with finality.

“Oh…” Brisa clutched her new gift to her chest.

“But, I suppose… I could sample a beverage while I am here. A guest ought not turn away hospitality when it is offered.”

Brisa just smiled brightly and reached for Mojo’s crusty old paw. “I have juice. Oh! And you have to stay for the piñata. Have you met Richie? He’s my best friend in the whole world!”

“I do not think—” Mojo lost his words as he was pulled along by his Super granddaughter whether he liked it or not.

“Hey.”

Brick’s hand on Butch’s shoulder exerting Super pressure made him looked down at his hands, which sparked with green power. He clenched his fists and fizzled it out.

“You good?” Brick asked, low and grave.

Butch sniffled. “Yeah, I’m good. Habit.” He paused, then: “I invited him. Boomer said it was fine.”

Brick nodded. “Okay.”

Butch’s stupid heart clenched. “I meant to text you—”

“Blossom told me. It’s fine, drop it.”

He should have dropped it. Two months ago he would have, happily. What the fuck did it matter now when it never had growing up? But that was two months ago. “Don’t fucking do that.”

Brick frosted over and got up. “Do what.”

“Hey.” Butch grabbed him by his ridiculous overalls. “You and me. No girls. Battle and beers, like the old days.”

Brick was a cold hard bastard, but even he had his cracks, and right now he broke like an egg, slack-jawed and lame.

“Tomorrow,” Butch said.

Brick nodded numbly. “Tomorrow.”

Butch smirked and got up to leave, but Brick’s voice stopped him one last time.

“Thanks, Butch.”

“Sure.”

“Tell Boomer it’s a consolation.”

“Huh?”

But he got nothing more out of Brick once Blossom and Princess showed up.

“Oh. My. God. Wait, let’s take a selfie.” Princess managed to get her arm around Brick’s neck, but he snatched her phone before she could take a picture.

“No fucking way, Princess,” he said.

Blossom grabbed his chin and kissed him right there, shameless. It was enough to distract him so Princess could reclaim her phone. “You know, I kind of like you as a clown.”

“I don’t.” Princess managed to snap a picture of Brick and Blossom. “But you’re pulling off the striped overalls, I have to say.”

“Burn that.” Brick advanced, but Blossom pulled him back with a laugh.

“Why so serious, Brick?” she teased.

Princess stuck her tongue out at him.

Butch left them to their childish shit; it was time for cake, and he had a brand new six-year-old to impress.

xxx

Buttercup was having a surprisingly good time. Between pizza with Butch and Boomer, hanging out with her sisters, and the everlasting memories that were clown Brick saved to her iCloud where he would never find them, today was turning out surprisingly well. Butch caught her eye across the yard and gestured inside, so she excused herself from the conversation with Ty and his sister to followed him.

He was in the kitchen when she found him.

“Hey, doll. Cornering me for dirty kitchen sex?” he teased.

Buttercup laughed at the sight of him, two percent bravado and ninety-eight percent imbecile. “Let me grab you a glass of water for that thirst.”

The cake he’d bought sat in a box in the fridge with Brisa’s name scribbled on the lid. Buttercup brought it out and set it on the counter. Then, she hunted for the colorful party platter Bubbles kept for special occasions.

Butch’s arms slipped around her waist from behind, and he pressed his nose to her loose hair. “Mm, you smell like pepperoni.”

“Eat my dick,” Buttercup said.

“I like it.”

“I bet you do, you horny carnivore.”

“Nooo, not the dirty talk,” he whined, pressing a kiss to her neck and pulling her back against him.

Buttercup fought against her growing smile as she opened the cake box and transferred the treat to the platter. “You need rehab.”

“If that’s your kink.”

Buttercup snorted. “Shut up and help me with this.”

They loaded up the chocolate cake on the platter, and Buttercup found the candles in a drawer.

“Got some shit on your nose,” Butch said.

“What?” He dabbed his chocolate frosted finger on the tip of her nose the moment she turned toward him, and she swatted his hand away. “Oh, come on. What are you, five?” She wiped the frosting from her nose and licked her finger clean.

No sooner had she finished than he grabbed her chin and kissed her deeply. In the quiet of the kitchen with no one around to see them, Buttercup gave into feeling and curled her fingers in his flannel shirt. When he smiled against her like the swooning buffoon he’d always been at heart, she laughed and pulled him closer.

His hands found their way over the curve of her ass, as they always did, and pulled her against him with a squeeze. “Fuck, I want you.”

“You always want me.”

“Have you seen your ass? You’d want you too.” He gave her another squeeze, and she had to bite her lip to stifle a moan.

Buttercup slipped her fingers through his hair, full and soft on top and shorn short behind the ears. For a moment, they simply stared at each other as Buttercup marveled at how much she wanted this, wanted him. She had never wanted anyone as much as she wanted him, so badly she could feel it threatening to tear her in two.

“You have all this power,” he murmured, soft like it was a precious secret he clung to.

Buttercup could have laughed at how much he underestimated his own power of her. “Back at you.”

“No.” He touched his forehead to hers and breathed like they finally had time. “Not like you. Not like this.” His hand moved to her waist as if to lead her in a dance. “You have me, Buttercup.”

Buttercup’s eyes burned with a foreign heat, unwelcome. Butch used to scare her when he spoke to her like this; now, she could only bite her lip and wait for the threat of tears to pass. “Back at you,” she said again, shaky and so fucking grateful.

They stayed that way a moment, in the kitchen of her childhood home with the warm smell of chocolate and the low din of the party outside, and for the first time that day, Buttercup felt the tension ease from her shoulders.

“By the way,” Butch said, his eyes still closed and his forehead still pressed against her, “I’m fucking the shit out of you when we get back to my place.”

Buttercup smirked. “Great example you’re setting for your daughter.”

“I got her new headphones with noise canceling.”

“She’s going to notice if we break the tub again.”

“There’s a hose. She can bathe with that.”

“Just pressure wash her like a truck.”

“Fast, efficient, and it’ll save on the water bill.”

“You don’t even pay for water, the landlord does.”

“Hey, I’m a good Samaritan lookin’ out for my neighbors.”

“Screw the neighbors.” Buttercup ran her fingers over his lips, down his chin to his chest, where his heart thundered under her touch. “I want you to fuck the shit out of me.”

Butch laughed hoarsely. “Maybe I should ask Boomer to take Brisa tonight.”

They parted, and Buttercup was about to tell him to grab the cake while she hunted for a knife when she finally noticed his cheek. “Did Brick do that?”

“The rocket ship? Yeah, good excuse to talk to him.”

“A rocket ship, huh?” Buttercup smiled so brightly her cheeks began to hurt. “That was nice of him.”

Butch gave her a weird look. “Whatever, we’re hanging out tomorrow. After today, I figure he can use it.”

Buttercup’s throat wrenched as she tried her best not to burst out laughing. “Don’t quote me, but he sort of saved my ass today. The other clown died.”

“Shut up.”

“I’m serious, he literally died.”

“Wow, party almost ruined.”

“I mean, also a man is dead.”

“Oh, shit, yeah you’re right. Sorry. I guess don’t tell Brisa.”

Buttercup rolled her eyes. “Jesus Christ. Grab that cake and don’t drop it.”

xxx

Brisa grinned to the point of bursting as everyone sang Happy Birthday to her and she blew out her candles. Cake went by in a breeze as the kids screamed about presents next. Like some hot, pink angel, Blossom took charge of the activities with Robin’s and Buttercup’s assistance and made sure the kids were thoroughly entertained so that Butch could eat his cake and watch his little girl enjoy her special day.

Now, seated on the picnic table again with Boomer and Bubbles, he dug into the slice Bubbles said she couldn’t finish.

“Hey, Butch,” Boomer said, chill.

“Yeah?” Butch asked.

“Why’s there a huge dick on your face?”

“Huh?”

On Butch’s other side, Bubbles poked his painted cheek. “It’s a very proportionate dick. Good dimensions.”

Boomer wheezed into his beer. Butch choked on his cake. At the next table over, Brick, that soggy ballsack, stood chatting with Princess Morbucks and Mike Believe still in his full clown regalia sipping sangria through a bendy straw. The moment he felt Butch’s eyes on him, he grinned maliciously around his straw.

“Motherfucker—” Butch tried to get up, but Bubbles grabbed his wrist.

“Language, Butch. There are children around,” she sang, cheerful as a fucking bell.

Butch pointed at Brick. “You—you clown!”

“Hey, that’s Flameo Hotman to you,” said Mike, with all the confidence of someone who didn’t know he was about to be drop-kicked in the face.

Princess squinted at Butch. “Is that a cock on your face?”

“It sure is,” Boomer said, mid-heart attack.

“Daddy, come hit the piñata with me!” Brisa came bounding over with a stick and a blindfold.

“Great timing, Brisa!” Bubbles shoved Butch way too hard toward his overeager daughter, and he had no choice but to accept the stick and blindfold.

“Uh, right,” he stammered, trying to reign it in. It was her birthday; Brick and his dick pic clownery could wait.

A hand on Butch’s shoulder squeezed too hard to be entirely friendly, and he turned to get a face full of said clown.

“Honk honk, motherfucker,” Brick said under his breath.

Butch raised his hand to decapitate his brother right there, but Brisa yanked him with her Super strength, and he had no choice but to let it lie.

The sight of Buttercup nearby watching him take his place at the piñata should have mollified him, but she had let him walk out of that kitchen dick pic’d, a betrayal of the highest order…and a quality prank, if he was honest.

He’d let his guard down around her.

It was his own mistake, underestimating her.

The heat of a challenge in her eyes as she watched him lift the blindfold to his eyes set fire to his blood. After all was said and done today and Butch left Brisa with Brick because fuck his fancy Saturday plans, Butch would take Buttercup’s advice and screw the neighbors. Tonight they were putting on a show.

With a self-satisfied grin, Butch lowered the blindfold, readied the stick, and imagined the red piñata was Brick in his ridiculous clown nose.

xxx

Hm, seeding the future Buttercup and Brick friendship I’ve been waiting so long to dive into for this universe? It’s more likely than you think. 👀

Thank you so much for reading! Long live the clown cult (Blossom ghostwrote this). 🤡

[zombiefiend]

tagging system!!!

self explanatory:

#animal | #art | #blinkies | #cartoon | #cavy | | #cosmic | #fashion | #food | #littlest pet shop | #music | #my little pony | #sanrio | #spooky season | #stim | #tropics | #video game

COMFORT CHARACTERS - #antichrist

OCs - #angel | #moose chips | #snack | #white noise

PALS - #LIVID | #xanadu

other:

#death and her neon friendz - scene aesthetic

#erethizon - porcuposting

#everything is chrome in the future - personal story-related aesthetic

#home - my home state Minnesota

#logging on - old web aesthetic

#special - things that i have a close personal connection to, likely things i own

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#squidsy - things that remind me of my partner

#talking - anything that has a humorous or nonserious tone

#toybox - grab bag sort of tag, includes toys/figurines, PNG images and anything that doesn’t fit elsewhere

#vulpes vulpes - anything regarding foxes

#worldly comfort - atmospheric images of the real world, especially (but not exclusively) liminal spaces

#yadda yadda - piñata tag!

#you’ll always be a wolfgirl to me - personal story-related aesthetic

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