#please forgive me i have the worst social anxiety and I have a lot of new mutuals that I'm excited about

[cffidelityy]

ooc.

So, most of y'all know that I suck at reaching out when I wanna write stuff. So. . . I updated my interest tracker.

If you guys have the time and don't mind filling it out, I'd greatly appreciate it. I'm hoping the responses will give me the confidence to reach out better and just ya'know talk to you guys.

Also I'm her and on discord (incantationfetter) for anyone who wants to plot <3

[underscorecc]

1.

every time i dump a bunch of shit thats been on my chest it usually starts with all the problems in my life. maybe its because im just shooting from the hip but i find myself stuck in the should-have-beens and the varying levels of "not good enough" but i think ive had enough and for once im putting the shit that runs on the hamster wheel in my head out there where maybe someone can connect and understand and realize they are like me or visa-versa. unfortunately youll have to forgive the lack of proper grammatic structuring and the vagueness, but i dont really care enough beyond stringing my thoughts together in a way that someone can comprehend them, and my lack of specificity is partly to isolate this page from my life, and partly so that those who can possibly connect with some of these topics are able to just a little more.

heres where im at: i've just been through a breakup about a week ago, and even though it was on really good terms, ive opted to keep her out of my life for the time being. im sick of being obsessed and letting someone hold so much power over me (not that she was particularly dysfunctional). we even alluded to getting back together in some undecided amount of time, a time when she can be single for a bit and i can fix the major parts of my dysfunctional life. i dont really care about the breakup. she meant a lot to me but im just sick of her right now and of the apathy. i texted her that i wanted her out of my life so that i can get her out of my head (we originally opted to stay best friends despite the breakup) but that didnt really work.

anyways

off the top of my head i can categorize "dysfunctional" in the context of what im dealing with rn goes like this:

1 - I'm sick of being a beta of sorts. I used to carry myself with a lot of alpha energy that just went out with a bang at the beginning of the last 6 months, which currently, have been the worst 6 months of my life. you might automatically direct your thoughts to me being some andrew-tate-manosphere-15-year-old-incel-cuck at the mention of alpha, but no. It's more in the sense that I had self respect, was much more consistent in the gym and with music, I was way more confident, and all in all I just felt like there was a future on that path that I was taking.

2 - I'm sick of having such a weak internal locus of control. In another perspective one could say I have made leaps and bounds in terms of my level of control and discipline, and they wouldn't be wrong. from where my standards are set, it's nowhere near enough. maybe my goals are "unrealistic" or "too tall" but when you shoot for the moon, even if you miss, youll land amongst the stars. for now, my withered coomer-brain needs a reset, which probably involves some sort of dopamine desensitization, so when i start doing that i'll update on this blog.

3 - I'm sick of my selective pseudo social anxiety. when it comes to social dynamics, once im situated, i find myself more than competent in being engaging, and more often than not im the center of attention, but even so i find there's this level of desperation in the way that i entertain. not to say that im bad at it, no im the fucking best; no one does it like me. at the same time, i find myself feeling that when im joking with a group of friends or just making small talk theres this underlying begging of "please pay attention to me and validate me and dont leave me" that i pick up on, and if i pick up on it others may very well too.

all of these issues tie into eachother in more ways than i can imagine, and for the most part i can trace these issues to their source, the rejection, the shit talking, the anxiety, the deflated sense of self-value/importance/respect, the lack of self control, etc. so right now i guess i need to focus on just fucking doing it or something i dont know.

one of the things i find people (including myself) struggle to do the most is to come to terms with the fact that making significant change involves doing hard shit. for example, if you want to have a nice body and be strong just lift a lot of heavy shit and dont eat like a fatass. It really is that simple (not to imply that simplicity = ease) but so often i find people snorting lines of copium by doing some crazy intricate crash diet or giving in to defeat by saying "oh my basal metabolic rate is too low to lose weight" or "my bicep insertions look weird thats why i dont have good arms" (stay with me here i promise it'll come back to the main topic soon) and you could say that those are good excuses to give up, but you arent going to be any more satisfied with yourself by logically worming yourself out of putting in effort, because it takes effort.

I only said all that because i feel like thats what i do all the fucking time and its probably the crux of all my issues and it makes me fucking crazy. being decently smart doesnt help at all either, because i can logic my way out of fucking everything now, which has probably been the primary contributor to landing me where i am now. It reminds me of the most stand out part of fight club to me, "How's that working out for you?...Being Clever". If i were asked that by a one tyler durden i would say "its the fucking worst".

im all over the place now because my comprehension of this intangible dissatisfaction with myself, which i simultaneously can put into words succinctly, yet also could not describe with all the words of all the languages. i dont want to end abruptly here because it feels like theres more i could go off of, but i cant. tldr; its not over but like shit stinks bad rn :)

[peachenemy]

hAPPY BIRTHDAY SHUICHI!!!

(am i spamming this????? my tumblr is NOT working well)

c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-can i request Kokichi, K1b0 and Miu (separately) with a s/o who has social phobia and cries when ppl comment about how shy they are?😰

i need some angst to fluff, maybe if the character ends up making the s/o feel bad and just comforts them in the end?

thank you<3.

Yes of course

This is my first time writing for Miu too

Also, im sorry if this is offensive. Ive never had anxiety 🤷🏻‍♀️ so if its offensive just tell me and ill fix it

Miu Iruma who's s/o has social phobia

Ok, Miu is a dislikeable person.

No, i love her and i would befriend her, but her classmates doesn't say the same. So i think you don't either since she insults you in any possible way.

(Also since they are japanese and she is eveything but a polite person)

Let's say you made a mistake, she insults you, and you start to cry for two reasons:

You are scared.

You are crying in front of everyone and the embarrasment makes you cry even more wich also makes you cry.

Miu felt bad for it (and got a scared attitude since she got insulted by the rest of the group).

She apologize, but does it on private.

This is not a selfish action...

She knows you are anxious. She knew it, even when she say those awfull things to you, but didn't really thought it was that bad.

So yes, she is sorry.

But you don't forgive her 🤨.

So she decides to do you a favor. She may let you touch her body🤑 build something for you. For free!

Doesn't know what, so she let you decide.

I don't know what you asked her to do, but as long as you spend time with her, your anxiety goes down... A little bit.

You see yourself hanging with her more often and feeling more calm.

She defends you from any aggression... Before shrinking.

Of course, your relationship is more complicated than that since Miu is Miu and you are you.

But the time makes it healthier.

Anyways, since you feel more in comfort with Miu, you can also defend her a little bit sometimes (before running away with her holding you hand).

But that might never happen. The worst aggression you two will have are Kokichi's. Those are not that bad.

So, with this weirdo, or she either protects your anxious ass, or you either take her away.

She really will try to make you less anxious by creating more therapeutic machines.

Miu is a smart woman. I'm sure she can help.

Kokichi Ouma who's s/o has social phobia

Yes, Kokichi loved to tease you at first.

Seeing you all shy and with a red face was hillarious.

Until you started to get scared...

And cry...

Ngl you scared him.

"H... Hey, i get it, nice joke. Now stop it 😰".

He is way more nice since then.

Yes, he does jokes around, but that's just his personality.

He realized this wasn't normal after a while.

So he tries to help you with it.

And after a while, you seemed to calm down only around him.

Your anxiety IS a mental illness (according to Google), so it's not that easy.

So please forgive him is something goes wrong and he makes you cry 😅.

Finds it cute when you depend on him, but after a while...

He really thinks you should go and see a doctor. Until then, he is there for emotional support!

Kokichi loves you and wants you to be happy and comfortable.

He won't try to do the opposite, but sometimes he can mess up.

He is not a therapist. Don't ask too much from him.

Just imagine you him introducing you to Gonta, the nicest character 😍.

And now imagine Gonta showing you his bugs 💀

Shuichi Saihara who's s/o has social phobia

You don't even need to tell him.

He doesn't know you have a phobia, but he does know you are a scared person.

So when you started crying at him he was... Also scared.

"S... S/o?! W... What happened?! Are you ok?!"

Now he knows how bad it is.

He is so sorry. Really.

Even when you forgive him, he still feels sorry.

So he decides to treat you nicer? Like, more patient and kind.

You can trust him. You know you can but, uh, how to explain it? You can't.

With the time, he gets more involved on it. He tries harder.

Not in a bad way! He is not trying to be cringe or scared you, but he can't just leave things like that.

No no. Dont judge him. i know you are doing it

And everytime, you two became more and more close.

And so you started to feel more in comfort around him.

You two became friends, and with the time, you started to date.

But it took a while.

Shuichi protects you from any aggression. He always takes you on count and tries to make you feel comfortable.

Introduces you to his friends, his training, and a lot of more things you feel capable of doing.

It is pretty nice.

He doesn't cure you. Again, you need to see a therapist.

But he does his best and you are reslly happy with that.

Your relationship goes slow, but it goes.

[wallwriterstuff]

Am I allowed to place in a request for Mr svelte tracker boi Demetri? I need my greek boi fix. 😅😂 My stimming (due to my slight autism and anxiety) has been kinda bad lately and I was wondering if you could do some headcanons on how he would be with a reader who has that going on? (For example, some of my stimming signs are restless, uncontrollable finger twitches sometimes, and sudden limb movements and facial twitches I can't control 😅) Thanks! Also, sorry if this is too touchy a subject!🙈

You most certainly are allowed and I cannot express how hard I fangirled when I realised it was you in my ask box. I played it very cool but just know I was dying inside from the moment I saw your username come up XD 

TW: Mentions of anxiety and sensory overload. If that’s a little personal to you please be cautious about reading this one!

I’m incapable of writing short things it seems so it’s another long one.

Self-stimulating behaviour, known more commonly as stimming, usually involves repetitive movements and/or sounds. Though it is most often associated with autism (I know when I first saw the word stimming that was where my mind immediately went to) everybody stims in some way, shape or form to relieve stress, tension, anxiety, boredom etc. Some ways are less noticeable than others such as nail biting or finger tapping, while others can be more obvious and disruptive to your social/daily life like licking certain objects or scratching at skin.

I learned all this from doing a bit of reading before taking on this request and if you want to know more then the link to the article I read is right -----> HERE <------ ! It’s informed my ideas for this headcanon request and though I’m open to discussions about the topic to help educate myself and anyone else who wishes to learn more, what I will not tolerate is any sort of hate or discrimination based on the links to developmental disorders and mental illness that stimming has. This blog has and always will be a safe space for anyone and everyone and a little respect for one another will help keep it that way. Be kind folks!

So without further ado, how would Demetri react to you stimming I wonder?

Part 1: Headcanons below the Keep Reading Line Part 2: Teeth (fic) Part 3: Control (fic) 

·         He honestly wouldn’t really notice for a while because, well, humans aren’t exactly designed to be as flawless as vampires

·         Impromptu nosebleeds, migraines, sneezes…they’re just glitches in a faulty system so why is the way your leg just bounced up off of the floor while your sitting any different to those other equally as involuntary things

·         He’s struggling right now to, after all he just met his very human mate and it’s quite overwhelming for him to have to adapt to all these new feelings and situations he finds himself in, but he deals because he can

·         Some days, you just…can’t

·         Getting attacked by a man with some bizarre fascination with your neck is bad enough but being whisked away by strangers is somehow even worse. At least in the first scenario once it’s over it’s over, now you’re just living an anxious person’s nightmare in a new place full of new people

·         Volterra was beautiful, but it wasn’t home. No cosy apartment, no neighbours cat to feed, no monotonous shifts at work…

·         Actually, most of the time you’re left utterly alone to navigate an unfamiliar castle, and the times you aren’t alone is when there’s a man claiming to be your eternal lover in front of you

·         Try to convince me this man doesn’t rip the band aid off and profess his love for you with dramatic flair just TRY

·         Your days are filled with endless boredom where you’re doing nothing at all until someone checks on you, and then fight or flight kicks in because oh HELLO Mr Vampire guard are you here to give me lunch or kill me?

 ·         Demetri had thought that perhaps you were okay with that, since you hadn’t really outwardly reacted beyond the way your cheek twitched up into a smirk once or twice as he spoke. Hell, you’d even winked at him…right?

·         You did that a lot so he really genuinely thought that maybe you were just trying to flirt with him, build a relationship with him. Your constant little winks and the way your fingers twitched when he was nearby, like you so desperately wanted to reach out to him…

·         It took a few weeks before he realised how wrong he was

·         You’d reached for a sip of water and your arm had just whipped outward from your body

          + You’d absolutely drenched him with your entire glass of water and could only stare in abject horror wondering what the supposed vampire would do next, since you’d interrupted him rather smugly detailing his plans for your first date

·         Silence

·         There was just silence

·         It only made your anxiety worse and the muscles in your face just spasmed without your permission and - god did you just smirk at him again, oh no        

         + “I’m glad one of us finds this amusing. If you did not like the idea there were other ways to tell me so.”

 ·         You almost want to cry from sheer embarrassment at this point because the date really had sounded like it could be fun and now you’d just straight up thrown water in his face like he’d insulted you in the worst way imaginable

·         So you come clean and tell him about your stimming

·         He’s really worried at first because autism? Anxiety he’s heard of but autism sounds very dangerous, are you dying? You’re probably dying. He’s going to lose his mate –

·         Another involuntary finger twitch from you forces him to calm down because your anxious enough without his worrying on top, so he kind of brushes it off and makes no big deal out of it

·         Squeezes your hand and kisses your forehead to try and reassure you all is forgiven, even if he does have to go change a very expensive looking designer shirt and god you’re so sorry

·         Of course, that kind of makes it worse for you because anxiety brain is activated and your 99.9999% sure he’s actually furious with you still and has only pretended to forget it while he’s plotting his revenge

·         You see him late at night when you struggle to fall and stay asleep, reading in the low lamplight at his desk across the room, his laptop propped open and a notebook before him but you’re too scared still to ask what it is he’s reading so intently (probably good suggestions on places to bury your body welp)

·         It’s a complete surprise to you therefore when he does take you out on that date he promised you not two weeks later

 ·         He’s chosen a nice overcast day so he’s in the least conspicuous clothing he owns

            + Demetri’s least conspicuous clothes still consist of the most chic and expensive brands you know of and he sticks out like a sore thumb amongst the quaint little market stalls he’s brought you to see

·         Despite the gloomy weather the people of Volterra are out in full force though, swarming the market stalls and chattering and laughing as flashes of gold and silver from jewelry hit your eyes, bright coloured fabrics following

·         It’s all just too much

·         There’s people everywhere and so much noise, so many colours and lights and people brushing past you…

·         Your fingers clench tight around his, his hand immersed in a glove to keep his freezing skin from chilling you too much

·         He squeezes back lightly, eyes shifting to glance down at you with the kindest smile on his lips

         + “Keep squeezing my hand whilst we find somewhere quieter to stand.”

·         Your fingers seemed to take turns pressing into his rock solid skin, an odd sort of comfort coming from the fact you know you can press down hard and he won’t so much as register the sensation, and Demetri squeezes back, just firm enough he knows you can feel the pressure of his palm on yours

·         He takes you to a quiet little side road where the noise is much more faded and there is so much free space around you you feel like you can finally breathe again

·         He still hasn’t stopped squeezing your hand, taking turns with you as you take some steady breaths and try to focus your senses a bit, one thing you can feel, two things you can see, three you can smell...

 ·         “I hope you can forgive me, I did not expect the market to be so busy today with the weather like this.”

·         His apology takes you completely by surprise because how would he even know you struggled with crowds? You barely know each other?

·         Seeing your surprise Demetri rather sheepishly admits as to what exactly he’s been reading all those nights you’ve seen him at his desk, and you’re a little overwhelmed to realise he’s been reading about you

·         Medical journals, mummyblogs, charity websites and more, if it had any information about autism and stimming he’s browsed through it and taken copious amounts of notes, observing you religiously to see what might be relevant to you and how he can help ·         +  “I read somewhere you self-stimulate to calm yourself when you are anxious or your senses feel overwhelmed, is that what happened?”                                    “Well, yes, actually, I…I…”

            “And did it help? Taking you away from the source of stress and letting you squeeze my hand like that?”

·         It had actually, you felt much calmer and Demetri’s obvious acceptance and willingness to help you manage your stimming and anxiety today were one of the first little moments you fell in love with him, looking back on it 

·         He didn’t stop there either. Together you sat down and made a list of all the things that you found most often triggered your stimming, and all of the things that brought you joy so he could figure out things to avoid and things you might like for your future dates

·         Within hours of arriving home you’d gotten a whole new daily routine set up so you weren’t left to languish and wonder what was going to happen next

·         Three days later an express shipment of your favourite smelling scented candles arrived alongside a Bluetooth speaker, supplies Demetri insisted were necessary for nice calming baths on the days your anxiety was playing up

·         He started doing mindfulness practices with you in the evenings

·         He never touched the volume controls for his laptop, speaker or TV, leaving it to you to control the volume so you could set it to a level you were comfortable with, and he religiously policed the noise on his floor to           + “Where are you going? The movie just started…”                                                    “To tell Felix to turn his music down.”               “You’re vampiring again Metri, I can’t even hear that.”

·         When he signed you up for Yoga and meditation classes at a centre in town you drew the line and told him he was going overboard, but bless him he had tried

·         Overall he’s a solid 15/10 for effort, even if some ideas are still experimental - you’re enjoying the deep pressure massages a lot though – and he sometimes goes a bit mother-hen trying to get you out of situations he thinks you’ll struggle with, when actually you’re coping just fine today

·         You love him dearly for it

[nobodyfamousposts]

Miraculous Ladybug/DC - Adoption AU

There seems to be a lot of Miraculous/DC crossover ideas, often with Adrien and/or Marinette getting adopted into the Batfamily.

Here is my take:

So it turns out that apparently Gabriel had family he tries to avoid and altogether pretends don’t exist. 

And it turns out the family in question he’s particularly wanting to keep out of his life and away from his family is Harley Quinn.

To be fair, they weren’t close to begin with. Then there was the whole thing with Joker and her stint as a villain. After that, Gabriel cut off all contact and moved to Paris.

Harley gets why. She doesn’t like it, but she gets it. She’s made mistakes and is trying to do better. She understands if Gabriel isn’t feeling all that forgiving or willing to reconnect. And she is fine with that, really.

What she is NOT fine with is discovering Mr. No-fun lost his wife in mysterious circumstances and has responded by not only isolating himself, but his son as well. His son who is a genuinely sweet and wonderful kid, and deserves so much better than being kept trapped in a quiet and lonely old mansion every day.

So she does what any good aunt would do if they’re a psychologist who used to be an underling and abuse victim for a psychotic clown whom she’s recently escaped from, found herself a girlfriend, and is past the point of having kids of her own.

She steals Adrien.

Well, from the mansion at least. Only from there. Not wanting to take him away from what little social life he’s managed to make so far despite Gabriel’s best efforts, Harley has them all stay in Paris. She even buys a nice house in a good district with money that was totally not stolen from Gabriel on her way out *coughcough*. Once set up in the new home, she proceeds to take Adrien there where she can dote on him like proper family and give him some of that affection he’s been so desperate for.

The wax figure of Adrien has been left in his place in the mansion.

Gabriel has yet to notice.

As has anyone else. (They’ve had at least 3 photoshoots so far with just the wax figure.)

Ivy finds the whole thing questionable but comes to see that Adrien is a sweet boy with a desire to do good even if he doesn’t necessarily know how or the best way to do so. She decides she can “raise him right” and mold him into a proper young man who uses his resources to help the environment. So she starts having him do gardening with her.

Adrien is...actually okay with this whole setup. Plus he went from no mom to TWO moms! Who spend time with him! And are involved in his life! And let him see his friends! And he actually gets to leave the house without a bodyguard tailing his every move—which turns out to be because Ivy is able to use her plants to keep an eye on him in a much less obtrusive manner, but eh...details. He’s essentially not-so-reluctantly kidnapped. He COULD escape at any point. He’s Chat Noir after all. But even if he wasn’t, it wasn’t like Ivy and Harley were going out of their way to keep him locked up or anything. The worst they did was give him a curfew—which when comparing a few hours of free time with an expectation to return by a set time vs a set schedule with only one hour of free time maybe worked in somewhere, was hardly something he was going to fight.

The fact is that he’s doing well under their care. Harley shares his sense of humor. Pamela nurtures his creativity. He gets support and encouragement to be more assertive. They actually WANT to talk to him and hear about his day. They WANT to be affectionate with him and have dinners together. And he just soaks up their attention and affection like a sponge and responds in kind.

Under their care, Adrien changes a bit. He speaks out more and makes it known when he’s unhappy or uncomfortable with something. He does not let people just touch him when he’s uncomfortable. If anything, he’s doing more touching and initiating conversations without fear of appearances. Nino gets bro hugs. Kim gets bro hugs. All the guys in class get bro hugs. Marinette also gets bro hugs—though he doesn’t hug her for too long since she seems to overheat easily.

Adrien is really enjoying this.

Even better, his moms somehow get jobs in the area.

Pamela either becomes a biology teacher at the school or opens a nursery. If she does open a nursery, Marinette becomes a regular customer on principle. She and Ivy bond. They trade gardening tips. Marinette is surprisingly helpful in keeping pests away from her plants for reasons Ivy doesn’t quite know. All around, Paris suddenly starts becoming a bit more green…and without the eco-terrorism. It helps that Adrien’s social media starts featuring him planting trees and taking care of plants, which is encouraging other people to follow suit.

Harleen becomes a school counselor. At Adrien’s school. Where she takes full advantage of the opportunity to embarrass him in full “overly affectionate mom” mode. Adrien is too happy to be embarrassed. Anyone who actually ends up laughing at him comes to regret it when Harley picks apart their psychological issues.

The new moms evaluate his friends.

Nino passes. Flat out. He got akumatized trying to throw their boy a birthday party? He also arranged an impromptu house party for Adrien the one chance he got? YES. THIS is someone he needs in his life!

Alya gives them concern given her Lois Lane levels of getting into trouble mixed with sheer lack of self preservation. Her tendency to jump into matters and reveal things or trust things without thinking also has them concerned.

Chloe has potential, but needs a good few months of therapy as far as they’re concerned.

Lila is banned from coming within ten feet of Adrien. It would have been fifty, but Adrien refused to take a killer plant that big and risk anyone thinking it’s an akuma.

Marinette passes after they have a sit down talk with her to get to know her better. Harley notes her anxiety issues and helps her to be able to avoid panicking. Ivy likes Marinette’s energy, and her garden is impressive. She gives her approval of Marinette courting their son.

Marinette: Wait—what?

And because they’re actually good moms, they figure out fairly quickly that their new son is the leather-suited catboy running around protecting Paris.

Harley: HOW DO PEOPLE NOT KNOW THIS?!

Adrien: Magic?

They have a bit of difficulty for the next few fights with the rather overprotective mothers trying to interfere in akuma fights, causing more confusion than anything until Adrien asks them to stop. They don’t, of course, but they at least let him try to handle things.

All in all, they make for a nice little family.

But there’s only so much two moms can do. And with Gabriel pretty much not involved, they’re limited in options. So after a while, they decide that Adrien needs a good father figure.

Adrien: But I have a father...

Harley: I said a GOOD father figure.

But who to choose?

Bats? “Oh god, no! Why would you inflict that level of broodiness in our child?”

Joker? “Sure! The best way to teach him important life skills is to have someone to test them on as an example. Like the best weak points! And the effects of blood loss! And how to hide a body!” “We could just use Gabriel for that and save on travel time!”

Superman? “The world isn’t ready.”

They finally come to a decision.

Which is how Nightwing finds himself tied up and dragged off to Paris to be made part of this weird little makeshift family.

Pamela: Why him?

Harley: He got the killer Robin from ‘murdery’ to some semblance of being an actual semi-healthy child with only some violent tendencies. He’d make a good father figure!

Pamela: But wasn’t that an alternate timeline—

Harley: A GOOD father figure.

Pamela: ...fine.

Nightwing: Wait—what?

Naturally, he’s confused. He tries to contact Batman to let him know what’s going on and what Ivy and Harley are up to because they’re in Paris for some odd reason and they have a kid he’s pretty sure isn’t theirs. Batman, on the other hand, is more concerned with all the crazy magic shenanigans in Paris that the League somehow doesn't know about and can’t get any accurate information on. So he pretty much tells Nightwing to stay with them since he’s already there and they have room for him anyway so it’ll be easier.

Nightwing: I'm telling you, they've captured me, dragged me off to Paris, and they have this little house with a kid—

Batman: Good, then you have a place to stay while you investigate the anomalies in Paris.

Nightwing: Bruce, I don't think you're hearing me...

Adrien: (Just pats him on the arm sympathetically)

Harley: (Hugs Nightwing) Looks like we've got Batdaddy's approval! You're part of the family now!

Nightwing: I will do whatever you want. Just don't call him that again.

To be fair, it is Batman, so he probably knows Harley and Ivy aren’t an issue at this point, but still!

…At least he gets his own room…

Nightwing isn’t sure what to think. On the one hand, he knows he shouldn’t be encouraging this. On the other hand, Harley and Ivy aren’t actually doing anything bad. And if anything, taking care of the kid has been good for them. Plus the kid seems happy with them, at least. It’s...weird, certainly, but he goes along with it. (Read: He folds to the kitten eyes.)

Then he finds out said kid is a superhero in a city regularly attacked by a supervillain who transforms and controls people by manipulating their emotions—which the League somehow has not been aware of despite it happening in PARIS.

Needless to say, he isn’t pleased.

I'm just imaging Dick Grayson interacting with other adult figures in Paris. And really, just Dick's response to everything in Paris and how things are being handled.

"So...you're telling me no one has tried to track down where the magic butterflies are coming from?"

"Um..."

"The governmental body hasn't initiated any policies to try to prevent akumas?"

"Well..."

"Set up an alert and evacuation system so people know where to go or not go?"

“…”

“Do I want to know what you people actually do in case of an emergency?”

“Probably not.”

Much like Ivy and Harley, he gets a day job to help out. There are two potential options for him.

He becomes a teacher at the school and takes over running gym class, which he uses to keep the kids in shape, teach them self defense, and help them work out some of their tension and emotions through physical activities and a good listening ear. His interactions with the kids would be something to see. Even better for his interactions with Damocles and Bustier. Because no, the events of the Ladybug episode would NOT have happened if he was there.

Lila: (Sobs) Ow! Ow! The pain! How could Marinette do this to me?

Dick: I’m not seeing any injuries.

Lila: I don’t bruise easily. They just haven’t appeared yet.

Dick: Even so, there are no abrasions. No swelling. No indications of a broken bone or sprain. Not even any marks to show where you fell.

Lila: It’s internal!

Dick: Then you need to go to a hospital to be checked out and have the extent of your injuries noted.

Lila: I wouldn’t go that far—

Dick: And your mother will be contacted and told to meet us there.

Lila: Well—

Dick: And of course we’ll be holding off on any punishment until we have a list of your injuries and a thorough investigation is completed.

Lila: But—

Dick: And just to keep you safe, I’ll be staying with you the whole time. We wouldn’t want anymore “accidents”.

Lila: ….Dammit.

OR

He joins the police force. Just for shenanigans in his interactions with Roger. Maybe helping the force to be more effective so they can actually HELP during akuma fights instead of simply serving as a temporary distraction.

Either way, he’s a positive role model for Adrien. The three of them working together help Adrien to maintain a positive and altogether healthier state. They give him more jokes and puns to work with—because that has long since been Nightwing’s area of expertise. They give him advice in wooing his lady love. They address the “just a friend” issue. They teach him self defense and helpful fighting techniques. They curb the “self-sacrificing” tendency he’s developed. They encourage him in his goals and self discovery now that he has the freedom to actually try.

Despite the weirdness of the situation, Adrien is actually happier than he has been in a long while.

Which is made ever more clear at a particular moment when he’s leaving for school one morning.

“Bye, Mom! Bye, Mom! Bye, Dad!”

Harley sniffles and wipes a tear with a tissue she pulled out of her sleeve. “It feels like just yesterday that I stole him away from the mansion.”

“Then what does that make your kidnapping me?” Dick asked, sardonically. “This morning?”

“Don’t act like you’re not proud.” Ivy snarked.

Oh, he was. Immensely so. But of course he wasn’t going to admit it and give them the satisfaction.

[funkymbtifiction]

What’s been your experience of knowing a person of each Enneagram type?

It’s nothing if not interesting. 😉

1s: can be principled, dutiful, and reliable. Their pet peeve is for people to be rude, irresponsible, inconsiderate, or late. I’ve known an sp 1 and a soc 1. The sp 1 does indeed resemble a 6 due to content fretting, low self esteem, terror of getting it wrong, and general anxiety, but shows 1 behaviors of obsessive cleaning, a desperate need to control everything, and rigidity in setting up “house rules.” In so doing, she has denied herself anything that is not “useful,” which I find terribly sad. She has no room for pleasure in her life. The soc 1 is far more inclined to be assertive, to correct others, to point out what they are doing wrong, and to show her anger. Much less self doubt.

2s: ah, 2s. I’ve known a few marginally and one “sort of” well, since I spent ten days with her on a visit to another state. She truly reminded me of Molly Weasley in her bustling about, her attending to everyone’s numerous needs (and ability to keep us all in line), her pride in doing things for everyone, and her sensitivities. At one point, her daughter told her, “MOM, STOP MOLLY WEASLEY-ING CHARITY! SHE’S FINE. SHE DOESN’T NEED WATER. THANKS.” Ha, ha. I liked her a great deal, but it amused me how defensively she drove – under stress, I saw her 8 come out, though I didn’t know that’s what it was at the time. We all snapped to attention whenever that happened.

3s: I admire their work ethic but… the one I know offline has to find some way to impress people, no matter what. If that is in showing you his muscles and making sure you know how far he biked today, so be it. It used to be because he was proud of his professional life. Since retirement, I have seen him struggle enormously with having a sense of purpose and trying to find one that doesn’t hinge on his non-existent work. That is what worries me about 3s – getting old, and no longer having society regard them as “useful and essential” is HELL on them. Please, make sure, if you are a 3, to do the internal work on figuring out who you are, and recognizing your own worth as separate from what you do, before you reach that age.

4s: I have known a lot of 4s, some healthy and some not. I have two delightful healthy ones in my life right now – an sp/sx 4 and an soc/sp 4, and they are indeed different. The sp 4 is more internal and less aware of or inclined to change herself for others; the soc 4 looks outward, and is highly attentive to other people. Sp 4 can take on others’ pain and burdens in a sense and feel overwhelmed by it – and with both of these beautiful girls, I’ve seen it turn them toward compassion. But they do tend to run high on “drama.” It’s not a song, it’s an opera. I knew an unhealthy 4 once who was hell-bound to remain miserable and a victim wallowing in her pain and thwarted (almost sadistically gleefully) anyone’s attempts to help her rise above her bad situation. She wanted to stay there. And she drove everyone who knew her insane. Eventually, she lost all her friends due to her being the wet mop all the time -- which of course, fed into her sadistic happiness at being miserable, abandoned, and unloved.

5s: can be callous at times, just because they are so lacking in emotional self-awareness and so fixated on logical solutions, but they will give it to you straight if you ask for it. They tend toward severe social awkwardness—think Mr. Darcy at the Netherfield Ball. Most inclined to disappear five minutes after you meet them and remain unseen until you leave. I knew a five once, the father of a friend, who would call out hello to me as he walked right past me, straight down into the basement, where he hid for hours among his books. Given he had a house full of giggling, silly girls, I don’t blame him. He was truly Mr. Bennet.

6s: can be either the warmest, funniest, most loyal people you will ever meet – or the biggest pains in the butt, and I say that as a 6. I know one other sp 6 and he reminds me of myself, just older and male – we both are hilarious, we both tease people to establish a rapport with them, we both crave feedback and support from trusted others, and we both swing between concern and optimism. But unhealthy, paranoid 6s are out in force right now freaking everyone out about the COVID-19 and the world doesn’t need that. It needs HOPE. So for heaven’s sake, put down the freak-outs, the paranoid accusations, the wild conspiracy theories, and accept that your worst-case scenario projections are just that -- the product of your own scared mind. It may or may not happen, and trust me, 6s, I know damn well that your worst fears usually don’t happen anywhere except in your head.

7s: are enormous fun to go on vacation with, but can be flakes. Lovable ones, but still flakes. They promise more than they can deliver and then avoid you rather than face up to the music when they realize they don’t want to do what they promised. They are hilarious, witty, optimistic, and their enthusiasm is infectious, but sometimes they fail to realize that not everyone wants to be endlessly teased, mocked, or come home to a mountain of stuff followed by a maxed-out credit card bill. Life is not always a joke, sometimes it is serious. And they are inclined not to finish a serious conversation if it in any way makes them uncomfortable or feel like they’re about to confront part of themselves.

8s: I have only known one and… there are things I like about her. Her courage. Her ballsy attitude. This woman made a place for herself in a man’s world, in a time when that was not done. She bulldozed her way to the top. Unfortunately, she never shut off the bulldozer. She has burned bridges behind her, made countless enemies, and gets into foolish personal and legal fights because she refuses to back down from anyone, and will turn anything into an argument. She lost my mother as a friend, because she thought bullying her was a good idea. My mother set up polite boundaries and the 8 trampled them, something my mother does not forgive. Something 8s need to remember – what is fun for you (you consider fighting “bonding”) is not always fun for someone else who is not an 8. Being an 8 is an asset, but only if you learn to tell the difference between a threat and a non-threat.

9s: are some of the most precious people on earth, but also the must frustrating for me, because I see them being mercilessly treated by the rest of the world, which tends to walk all over them. I wind up counseling 9 friends who are frustrated at ‘not being heard’ but cannot find it within themselves to assert themselves in any way, or think they deserve to be heard, or know how to recognize what is NOT okay. Being a 9, a peacemaker, someone able to understand everyone’s point of view, is a valuable gift, but you cannot use it for good if you are incapable of believing you deserve good things, too.

Each Enneagram type has a health level. You can find them at the Enneagram Institute. Figure out which level is ‘you’ and start working toward the next one up, through conscious choices. You don’t have to stay this way. Your life is yours to command.1s, you don’t have to be perfect. 2s, you don’t have to please others. 3s, you don’t have to win every time. 4s, you don’t have to stay in a place of self-loathing. 5s, you don’t have to fear trying things. 6s, you don’t have to be afraid all the time. 7s, you don’t have to run away from everything. 8s, you don’t have to turn every discussion into a fight. 9s, you don’t have to give everyone whatever they want. It’s time to take back your life.

- ENFP Mod

PS: Most of these examples come from my extended family, none of whom follow this blog, so if you’re one of my friends (unless you are the 4) -- I’m not talking about you. ;)

[friendlylocalwhumper]

the bookshop (lux and emory meet) | flirting over text | this drabble | emory sees scars, lux panic attack | the words

It was going to be a good time. Coffee, maybe some snacks like croissants or muffins, whatever was fresh and warm in the display case. They were going to chat. Get to know each other. There would be soft indie songs playing on speakers out of sight, and they could’ve watched people walking past the coffee shop’s big windows, could’ve guessed what those people were thinking and saying.

They were supposed to meet up at two o’clock. Emory got there five minutes late, so he wouldn’t seem like he was too excited about the date. So he wouldn’t be on display, so it wouldn’t be obvious that he’s catching feelings for this cute guy with curls and a smile that’s hard-won.

And he waited. Waited, alone in that coffee shop, finishing off two drinks at the slowest pace possible until he felt nauseous with embarrassment.

Lux didn’t come. Emory got stood up.

It’s fine, Emory thinks, as he packs up his stuff and slides it into his bag as calmly as he can. No outward frustration. He didn’t care, anyway. He unlocks his phone with one hand, clicks on his most recently opened text notification, and blocks Lux’s number. Easy disconnect, painless. Two hours wasted sitting in a coffee shop isn’t all that bad. If he’s not worth Lux’s time, or even a text giving him a heads up about the date being called off, then he doesn’t care.

~

It’s evening when there’s a knock on the door. It’s dark out. No one should be knocking, no delivery man or friend. Probably somebody selling something.

He didn’t get the socialization he thought he would today, though, so Emory sighs and gets up off the couch. May as well chat with someone trying to sell him an internet service with cheaper rates or something. They might even be cute enough to flirt with.

Emory goes to the door. Turns the handle, lets it swing open.

There Lux stands, arms flying down to his sides from where they were crossed, looking guilty. Emory doesn’t care.

“I tried to call,” Lux starts, shifting his weight nervously. “I… can I come in, please?”

A twinge of frustration pulls a sigh out of Emory. “Why? It’s fine, you couldn’t make it. I waited. You didn’t text. It’s not a big deal, I didn’t care anyway.”

Lux blinks, shaking some of his curls out of his face. From the light in the hallway shining out, Emory can make out blotchy purple bruising around his eye. Confusion, worry, curiosity flicker across his mind, softening the defensive apathy.

And there’s doubt in Lux’s eyes, anxiety. His arms move slightly to hug himself. Emory starts to wonder why Lux wanted to come inside - if it was more about getting away from something, rather than getting all up in Emory’s space so soon after embarrassing him. “R-, really? You didn’t…? Oh, I, I guess I thought… sorry, I, I thought you were looking forward to it, like, like I was.”

Now something like guilt eats at Emory. Lux is so easily misguided. It doesn’t feel good, convincing him that being left behind didn’t hurt.

“I’m lying,” Emory blurts, and deeper confusion settles over Lux. Emory feels like a bad guy. “I’m just. It sucked, okay? I was excited, and you never came. I was trying to act like I didn’t feel it. But you - you looked like you believed me. You don’t… you’re not hard to confuse, are you?”

Those shoulders scrunch up under sloppy curls. There’s so much emotion in Lux’s eyes, so much shown in his expressions, all the time. No wonder he’s easy to twist around if he’s so open about how he feels. “I, I, I’m not the smartest. Get confused. I, I can explain why I didn’t show up, if you want? But I get it, if you don’t wanna hear excuses. I just - need to come inside, or go.”

Emory tips his head in confusion. “Uh, sure. Come in.” Lux has such a small, unimposing presence that it doesn’t feel weird to let him in, even if they’ve only seen each other twice so far. “Hey, I wasn’t trying to say you’re stupid.”

Timid steps and movements that keep him out of arm’s reach bring Lux inside, head ducked down. He hovers a few feet away, waiting to be shown where he should go. “‘s okay, just am. If, if you wanna confuse me, ‘s not hard to do. I don’t - I won’t lie.”

It is a bit reassuring, to know that Lux doesn’t lie. That doing it would just end up with him confusing himself. It’s an offering, a truth, that makes Emory feel more prepared to listen to him even after being stood up.

He leads Lux inside with a gesture that gets some kind of weird reaction out of the guy. All Emory does is lift his arm to indicate the living room, then start to lead the way - but Lux jerks slightly, steps back, lets more distance fall between them. Everything he does is weird, like he’s been living in a whole different world all his life. Like he expects something other than a calm, if slightly defensive, interaction here.

They sit, Emory on the couch and Lux on the armchair. There’s room on the couch, but he supposes Lux doesn’t really have the body language of a guy who wants to be next to someone he’s hurt, right now.

“So. You were gonna tell me why you didn’t show?”

Curls bounce as Lux nods. He’s avoiding eye contact, twisting his fingers in his hoodie pocket. There’s dirt scraped across his sleeves and pants, Emory notices.

Lux is just a little too real.

“I got jumped,” Answers Lux, with all the quiet shame of someone who got attacked in broad daylight, and none of the showmanship of someone making up a story to escape blame. “...Wasn’t hurt too bad. Just… got, uh, got scared. Nervous. Forgot about the date, ‘cause, ‘cause I - well I had an alarm on my phone for it, but my phone got smashed. Got stomped on. And I couldn’t text you, and then I - I was running, and I got lost, and all stressed out.” His hands come out of his hoodie pocket to show his phone, the screen a thick mess of spiderwebbed cracks, chunks of the glass missing. He clicks the power button to show that the screen lights up, glitches, and don’t respond to touch at all. As he looks up to see if Emory is accepting the proof, Emory catches a better glimpse of that black eye.

The worst part of all this is that Lux is still nervous. He’s not resigned, not laughing it off, not moving past it. He looks and sounds like the last blow of the beating he caught slammed into him no more than sixty seconds ago.

By now, Emory doesn’t blame him at all. Two hours sitting frustrated and embarrassed in a coffee shop isn’t nearly as bad as Lux getting jumped and scared so bad that he ran, phone smashed, excitement over a date erased by fear for his life.

“I’m sorry that happened. I was… not gonna lie, was pretty mad about getting stood up. But not anymore. You didn’t mean to. Are you okay?”

Lux lowers his phone, shrugs one shoulder. “Yeah. Just, feel bad that I ruined it. The date. I know you didn’t care, but -”

“I did care, remember?”

Lux flinches slightly at the interruption. That’s what that movement is, a flinch. Emory frowns as he watches Lux seem to remember. He doesn’t think he’s ever going to lie to Lux again, not if he can help it - seeing him get confused makes Emory feel so wrong inside.

“Oh - oh yeah. Sorry. Do you - can you forgive me?”

Confusion draws Emory’s brows together. “There’s nothing to forgive. It’s fine, Lux, you got jumped. Your phone got wrecked, you couldn’t call me. You came here to say sorry even though you thought I’d be mad at you. You literally did everything right.”

The tense line of Lux’s shoulders loosens. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean, what else could you’ve done? Win the fight and run to the coffee shop to get there on time? I’m sure you did your best. Getting out of there in one piece was more important than making it to, like, a second date.”

“We-ell - I could’ve, could’ve tried harder, it’s just they grabbed me and I couldn’t really get free at first.”

“They?”

Lux looks up, blinks. “Yeah. They.”

“More than one guy?”

“Three. I think. There were two, and then I got - my face was shoved down,” Lux explains, shoving his palm toward the floor in gesture, “And then I think there was a third one. Third voice.”

“Woah, wait - three guys? You got jumped by three guys? That’s - that’s different than, like, one who hits you and takes your wallet and lets you go.”

Lux shakes his head. “Yeah, no, wasn’t like that. They just - just hit me. Didn’t ask for a wallet, I didn’t even have money on me. They just, you know. Hit me until I was really scared. And then let me run away, and, and laughed.”

Emory’s mental image of what happened switches from Lux being pinned lightly to an alley wall by a guy with a hand in his pocket pretending to have a gun, to a whole group of guys beating Lux into the ground until he did something like begged or made small sounds. Maybe, fuck, maybe he even cried. Emory definitely would have, if that happened to him.

“And I, the worst part was I, I really wanted to see you.” Those shoulders sag with disappointment. “The coffee shop, it sounded really nice. When I remembered, after I calmed down, it was - I was really upset.”

A new emotion, something like dangerous hope - the opposite of not caring - strikes in Emory’s chest. “Really?”

Lux nods again. “I, mmmh - well, you probably talk to guys a lot. Go on dates and stuff. But I - I never do. I haven’t… I don’t date. So this was really new, and special, and I - you’re nice and you look, look like you do, and it felt like I ruined it all and I’ll never get to try again, with anybody. Nobody would - no one would like me, wouldn’t get asked out again. Won’t. So, I-I’m sorry I messed it up.”

Elbows propped up on his knees, Emory leans forward, his expression one of incredulity. As if someone as handsome, as friendly as Lux doesn’t get asked out all the time. As if getting attacked, getting beaten for no good reason is enough for Emory to throw him out and start over with some other cute guy.

“You didn’t mess anything up. We’re still dating, Lux.”

That gets a sharp reaction out of him. Wide blue eyes, sitting up straight, lips parted slightly in confusion. His hands stop fidgeting in his hoodie pocket. “We - we are?”

“Of course we are. I still like you. Really, how can you think no one would ever ask you out again? Have you seen yourself? I’m lucky I got to you when I did.”

Utter shock strikes, a blush spreading pink across Lux’s face like a blooming dawn horizon. “I - I, don’t know what - I, ‘m not - just, I-I, I’m glad you, you still wanna date me. ‘m glad you wanted to at all.”

Emory smiles, eyes crinkling. Lux is so soft with his words, so easy to flatter. This feels so much better than paying comments to guys he wants to hook up with: Lux doesn’t already know he’s gorgeous, hardly believes it when he’s told. It’s like he’s never dated before, like he forgets about the flirting and just focuses on being honest, being careful, showing trust and hoping to earn it in return. Lux is going about this like he’s seeking friendship, and the compliments, the thrill of being wanted, come as a surprise every time they pop up.

Lux is changing the game that Emory’s been playing for years, and it makes his heart race. Emory wants what Lux is unintentionally stumbling toward with his earnest, humble gestures. Something like friendship, but more.

“Sleep over,” He asks, smiling again. “You can sleep on the couch, here. I won’t make any moves, hand on the Bible. That way we can try for that coffee date again tomorrow, and we can go together. No muggers’ll get you that way.”

That blush deepens, those eyes wide again. He’s so sweet. “I - I guess, I can - I don’t have clothes to change into. And, I don’t - what if you change your mind? What if, what if I’m annoying? You don’t know if I am. You don’t - a whole night, that’s, isn’t that big? I don’t know if I can f-fall asleep in a place if, if I don’t know the, the person that well…” He falls silent, clearly feeling awkward, wringing his hands.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Offers Emory, leaning back to show he’s relaxed. “I’d feel better if you stayed here, though, because you got hurt today, and I don’t see anybody else inviting you over ‘cause they’re worried.”

Lux watches Emory. It seems like he’s trying to decipher what all that means. Could it be misinterpreted, Emory wonders? He can’t imagine how. “I’d like it if you stayed,” He adds, hoping it’ll soften the offer even further. “Because… I care. I care if you like me, I care if you make it to our date tomorrow. I don’t wanna see more bruises on that handsome face.”

If that blush gets any deeper, Lux will go red. He lets out a shaky breath and gives an uncertain smile. “O-okay. I’ll stay.”

[pani-slunce]

To my sister

Hey sis it’s me uh

Oh I’m Eszti but you also knew me as your big sister so

Sorry, I called you the wrong name, see abusive seems more fitting

See you may not have been like my grandparents who beat for the “religious crimes” I was committing

But doing what you did hurt me worse then any type of physical hitting

You know what was up, you know when we were young I loved you more then a sister

Had me in the bathroom saying “stop kissing and try to resist her”!

You felt it too, you may not admit it to your husband

Afraid of admitting what we had will get you into some trouble

I still remember when we were kids you abandoned me like I was nothing

Our grandparents caught us in bed together while we were lovin

We both got a beating so bad my leg was too broke for running.

So we made a pact of trust that we will help each other through the abuse no matter what

Until you chickened out and threw me under the bus, called me a pervert, faggot, molester, a child of Satan and everything under the sun, saying you tried to keep it hidden but now that your done

Until the next day you left in a hurry leaving broken me as the only one

My grandparents believed all your lies and as a result my torment had begun

For the first few months they locked me in the closet, thinking that being isolated will cure me being gay but did the opposite

What made it worse was the only contact I had was my domestic kidnappers who gave me some food and read me bible versus

From everyday since then I wanted to be carried away in a hearse, and you leaving only made it worse

I sat wondering if I’d ever see the light that keeps being preached to me, but not being able to tell if it was night or day made me even more gloomy

Trying to find anything in the closet thats sharp and can go right through me

After a few months of isolation my grandparents let me out, there only reason was so cops wouldn’t be called to the house

I had to enroll back in school which is exactly what I did, not knowing what to do and suffering from trauma as a kid

I was always the shy one and you knew that, without you I can’t even talk to others for 5 minutes without getting a heart attack and falling flat

Dealing with so much at school then coming home to be beaten. I was too scared to call the cops for so many reasons

A few days of school and I painted my school uniform black, it was symbolic for what I see when my parents used to break objects on my back

Because I blacked out from the pain, not that you would know, you lived a happy life day by day

Getting no sleep and being beat until sunrise, why didn’t I just die, because the lord wanted to see my demise for my crimes

I admit it, yes I fell in love with my own sister, we tried our best to keep it hidden but that doesn’t mean we need to be killed for being different

No childhood, at the park I tried to make my mark, but it was ruined when my grandma would tell the children that I will cut and gut them and hang them up like art

That’s why in all of grandmas photos the children stand far apart, all the kids together smiling and the kid in the back standing in the dark

The bullying from kids got worse as the years in school progressed, mix it with abuse and social anxiety and you get a new level of stress

Wearing black while looking like a freak made me feel like I was stronger inside, because I knew my family and the lord weren’t at my side

And I never knew why, some people are just born on this earth to be used and die

On the bright side I knew when I arrived in hell that Satan couldn’t hurt me if he tried

Suicide attempt after suicide attempt made my mind twist a bit, because even at ending my own life I was dog shit

I just wanted to quit, I didn’t care living or dead I just exist and the final straw broke when I found out that half the kids that hurt me was because my grandmother paid them for it

After a over a decade of abuse from almost everyone I knew, I ran away hopeful that I could live with you

Ya know in all of those years I prayed that you would be my rescue, that you would come through

I even tried to scare my bullies off using you, I’d say “when my sister comes, their won’t be anyone she can’t breakthrough” saying it out my bloody mouth as my eye was bloodshot red from being beaten black and blue

But you never showed, did you?

It took weeks of searching and help form police to find you

I knocked on your door hoping to be reunited in open arms, but when you answered you sounded a alarm

Called your boyfriend and told him that I was trespassing and harrasing you, did your head blow a gasket

He made me leave and all I could do is cry and weep

After all those years of your lies you still blame me

You didn’t say hi or that you were sorry, I couldn’t go back to my grandparents so i joined the army

When I passed all my medical test I thought that maybe for once I’ll have a ok year

I even got my job field of being a engineer, but what I didn’t hear is that they pick the specific job, I thought I’d spend my time in the army grinding gears

But no I spent my years trying to diffuse bombs as bullets appeared, with the slightest mistake and I wouldn’t be here

So many counties seeing the worst in every human being, as you were at home worrying about premature creation of offspring

After a few years I got charged for doing the right thing, I was charged for murder when I killed terrorist?!?

Something that is celebrated by a lot of other veterans, because I was “cruel” to the very people that kill innocents is breaking the rules

I was dishonorably discharged, no pay, no benefits

Let’s not forget the negative papers to tell any future employers that I’m mentally deficient

After all this time a few days ago you decided to show up at my house with your spouse

We tried to catch up after all this time but you acted like your memory was hazzy, and you did apologize even though it was rehearsed and lazy

But what your husband said made me go crazy

Saying that he hated that I was in the army because he has “morals”

And that even though I’ve been in combat I should be able to act normal

I may have done a lot in the military, but it opened my eyes to a world I wasn't supposed to see

Made me happy that I didn't know you

But seeing you at that table made it suck cuz you didn’t give a fuck

Still after all of these years, you still hide behind your mistakes

I tried to be passive

But your husbands mouth was massive

I don’t care you love him more than me, he had to get his ass kicked

I just thought I get this off my chest, I have to type it on tumblr because I know when it comes to ignoring my calls you try your best

You will always keep lying sis

About you being a faggot, bitch

You couldn’t even look me in the eyes to talk sis

And after all of this I could still forgive you if you talk sincerely sis

But now if I ever got the chance to ask you sis

And call you

I hope you answer

I really hope you answer

When I call

I hope you pick up your phone

I want to talk to you

Please answer

[croky]

When they save animals

Ikevamp serie

Chronicles of an MC enjoying her situation way too much

Jean

"By any means Mademoiselle, please, let me know if you feel unconfortable being in my filthy presence."

That's one hell of a way to ask me if I enjoy the walk.

I wanted to get closer to this mysterious man with an eyepatch. He was so dark shivers ran down my spine when he happened to talk to me the way he usually did : "Forgive me Mademoiselle, I shouldn't have crossed your pass for the sight of my dreadful person must be utterly outrageous to you." I wanted to reply that it was his home as much as mine but I didn't know how to approach him. So, I went to Arthur for advice.

Worst. Idea. Ever.

Delighted, he first told me to wait for him in his room. Naked. I only answered that I didn't know were the said room was.

Then, he advised me to write him a letter to proclaim my undying love for him. I replied that I was no match to his wording and I didn't want to send him a poorly written one.

Before he could propose anything else, I politely thanked him and I turned tail, not forgetting to say that I would find a way by myself. I obviously didn't because hey ! Social anxiety ! Long time no see.

At the time, I forgot to deny being in love with him. This is why Arthur went to Jean and told him I would like to spend some time with him. He first declined saying he was not worthy and after Arthur said his answer would break my heart and leave me in the deepest despair, he finally agreed and went to propose me a horse ride in the evening.

And there we are, riding through the forest in the middle of winter, my back pressed against his chest. His warm and muscular chest. I must admit, I won't complain about this position, I daresay I would like it to be this way more often. It surprised me at first, I didn't think he would propose something requiring to be so close to me but I was not displeased at all.

"How could I, Jean, when you're so gentle with me." Play it cool Chani, everything is gonna be alright.

We were heading to a frozen lake, he told me that failing to provide me greater company, he could at least offer a beautiful sight.

When we got there, I froze. Not from the cold, there was a deer in the middle of the ice. He had fell in the water, he was struggling to get out but his strengh was leaving him. He was alive but I doubted it would last long. I asked him to stop, if there was one thing that I like to avoid in my life, it's seeing an animal being hurt uselessly. He got down and helped me to join him with a questioning look.

"There's a deer, Jean. I can't stand the sight of it dying like this." As I said that, I started to make headway to the animal. It was dark now, the sun had disappeared behind the skyline a long time ago and the moon was now our only guide.

I didn't get the time to make another step before he grabbed my hand and pulled me back on the bank.

"It's too dangerous. If it is your desire, I shall save it for you." And then he let go of my hand and started to carefully walk on the ice. I just realized at that moment how risky it was. I didn't know if it was dense enough to support his weight and my brain send me lots of images were I saw him sinking deep in the lake to never come back. I was terrified now.

I thought the deer wouldn't make it easier but he stayed calm when Jean approched him. He didn't show any kind of aggression when he grabbed his front legs and pulled him out of the hole then when he passed his arm behind him to help him. He didn't wait to run away from the deadly spot but I still couldn't think straight, Jean was still in danger even though he didn't seem to notice.

He just got up and looked at the moon, his gaze full of sadness and melancholy. The sight of this man so full of darkness surrounded by the bright of the ice was breathtaking.

He might consider himself as fallen, but for me, he still looked like a beautiful angel in the moonlight.

Napoleon

Napoleon joined me to hang the bed sheets in the garden. He wanted to help me finish my chores to spend some time with me. I smell some good husband material in him.

He proposed a walk in the forest with me and we left soon after I told Sebastian I was done with work for today. We followed a pathway that couldn't be taken by a horse, it hided lots of new aspects of the woods I didn't have the chance to see while riding.

We heard a strange noise that had nothing to do with forest animals. More like a goose.

A few seconds after I realized a goose had nothing to do here, it appeared in my field of view, honking and wing flapping. It didn't went our way but I was kinda worried. What is it doing here ? Are there wolves ? It might not make it through the night if there are.

"Where is it from ?" I asked Napoleon.

"There is a farm not far from here, it must have came from there.

- Shouldn't we... help it ? It seems lost."

He shrugged his shoulders and asked me how I expected to deliver it back to his owner. We could catch it...

This is how we ended up running after a goose in the forest, trying to bait it our way. I was doing pretty well, luring it to Napoleon so that he could prevent it from fleeing.

Once he managed to grab it, it fought back full strengh. I must admit it was fun to see how it slapped his face with it's wings and tried, unsuccessfully thank god, to pinch him. If someone back at the manor asked me how it went I would totally answer : oh ! The former emperor of France got attacked by a mad goose. Nothing unusual I daresay.

He finally managed to keep a hold on it and we went to the farm we though it was from. The farmer apologized for all the trouble and thanked us before taking the goose back.

We were heading back home when Napoleon called out my name. "Chani ?

- Yes ?

- No one will ever hear about it right ?

- Yeah you can count on it."

No you can't.

"Chani ?

- Yes ?

- You're gonna tell everyone right ?

- Depends on the price they're willing to pay."

I better run now. And I was right, he chased me all the way down to the mansion. He finally caught me and made me swear not to talk about our adventure. At least when I'm not drunk.

[mcwriting]

starstruck (5)

It’s finally here!!! I’m so sorry this took literally 5ever but it’s here now! Ch 6 is also written but I don’t plan on releasing it until 7 is done. In the meantime, I’ll be releasing some other things I’ve had in the works for a while so be on the lookout for those ;)

Thanks to all who’ve followed me and been reading! I love you!

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9

Fandom: Tommy Holland 

Ship: Tom Holland x Reader

Setting: LA in general

Word Count: 2013

Warnings: a little bit of language; general sad time emotions

Rating: K+ still i guess

                            __________________________________

You had run up the stairs upon entering your house, yelling out a quick “hey I’m home” to your parents to keep from rising suspicion. 

You tossed your bag onto your desk chair and went and sat on the big bean bag in the corner of your room, curling up into it under a blanket. 

It was nearing 4 o’clock and you knew that the beans would be spilled any moment now. 

You were absolutely nauseous.

You refreshed Instagram over and over until a notification came up at the top of your feed.

Tomholland2013 started a live video. Watch it before it ends!

Tears slipped down your cheeks again and you clicked on it, turning up the volume as the obviously anguished face of your worst nightmare appeared on the screen. The way his eyes puffed unnaturally led you to believe he, too, had been crying. 

He waited a few seconds for people to join and weakly smiled. It broke your heart to see him in this state, but it pained you even more to know how it had come to this.

“Hey, everyone,” he began quietly, waving to the camera. You recognized the background photos from his hotel room and continued to weep harder.

Comments were rolling in, concerned fans asking Tom if he was okay and what was going on. Even some of his celebrity friends appeared to be confused in the comments.

“I wanted to address some rumors going on about me and the mystery girl. That girl is y/n y/l/n. We met by accident at the premiere last week and snapped a photo together as I’m sure you’ve all seen. Fast forward to only a few days ago, when I helped take her to the hospital.”

He paused. Comments were getting more frequent as the live stream continued, more people joining by the second. 

Your breath was caught in your throat and chest was heavy and tight.

Am I having a panic attack? you thought before Tom continued.

“I took y/n to the hospital because she injured her head and I happened to be at the right place at the right time. That’s all that happened. We have only met those two times and I am happy that I was there when she needed help.”

You help back sobs at this point, not wanting to alarm your parents but unable to suppress the emotions you felt about his lying.

“Every other theory or suspicion is false. Those photos were of me driving her to the doctor. Y/n and I have had no contact since the incident, so please don’t bother her any further. I just wanted to come on and say y/n, I hope you’re feeling better and doing well, and to let all of you fans know the truth.”

He looked away from the camera when he said “truth,” and you were angered more.

This wasn’t the truth. This wasn’t okay. This wasn’t the Tom you’d come to know and even consider a friend. 

“Finally, thank you all for the support on the movie and I love seeing your reactions. I will resume doing press this weekend when I head to South Korea and then China next week. I’m glad I could share this film with you and once again, I hope you’re feeling better y/n and that we could possibly meet again when you are okay. Thank you all.”

He gave a final wave and slight grin before ending the stream, struggling to tap the button multiple times and swearing a bit as he finally did it.

You wanted to throw your phone across the room and smash it to pieces and simultaneously lock yourself in the closet and never leave. Another part of you yearned to scream the truth over the rooftops and tell the world how horrible Tom was for this.

Now I know why I never liked him you imagined again. 

You finally worked up the courage to send one message to b/f/n.

I’m sorry.

You hit send and seconds later another text came through from someone else.

I’m so sorry. It’s done.

Who from? 

Clara twinkletoes, of course.

You tossed your phone away from you on the carpet and snuggled further into the bean bag, trying to muffle the sounds of sobs with your blanket.

                             __________________________________

Your parents called you down for dinner, but food wasn’t on your mind in the slightest.

You probably looked like you’d been hit by a truck as you made your way down the stairs, and your mom and dad noticed immediately.

“Oh my gosh, baby. What happened?” your mother fawned, rushing to you and placing her hands softly on your cheeks. 

“Tom Holland,” you mumbled, defeated. 

“Is that some boy I need to put in his place?” your dad asked sincerely, brows furrowed. 

You shook your head slightly and pulled away from your mother. 

“I thought that was the actor boy b/f/n likes but you don’t. Didn’t she go meet him last week?” she inquired.

“Look up his name online, I’m sure you’ll find the fabricated story somewhere.”

You apathetically began building your plate, scooping some lasagna out and grabbing a small bit of salad as your parents scanned the TMZ article that had been published with the help of an “anonymous source.”

“The source says y/l/n has shown previous disdain for the ‘Spider-Man’ star, but is grateful for the help he extended in her dire situation. Her social media is booming as both fans and haters flock to ask about her encounter, but no word has been published by her yet. It’s only a matter of time before the California native makes a statement. Most are calling her lucky, and we don’t blame her,” your mom read aloud. 

You thought you had no tears left to cry before, but more slipped down your cheek as you slid into a chair at the dining table.

“What is this?” your mom asked as she and your dad looked up from the article to you.

You started explaining everything over your dinner halfheartedly, trying not to let your emotions continue to get the best of you. 

They reacted with both concern and surprise as you told the story from beginning to present, choosing not to leave out the part where Tom had secretly been in the house a few nights previous. 

The lie was over, and the only way to move forward was with the truth, no matter how your parents would react. 

Upon finishing the tale, you looked up from your barely eaten meal to find both parents eyeing you sympathetically. 

“That’s it. That’s everything. Punish me how you see fit. Nothing could be worse than what I’ve already been through today.”

“Honey, we aren’t going to punish you. You’re an adult and you made some decisions that you can’t un-make. The consequences have already presented themselves. What matters now is how you move on from this,” your mom began. 

“And we’ll be behind you every step of the way,” your dad finished. 

You couldn’t help but smile and stood to hug them, welcoming their warm embraces. While cherishing the moment, you still couldn’t help but fear for b/f/n’s reaction.

“We may have to talk about you being able to sneak a boy into the house under our noses, though,” your father joked as you leaned into their arms.

                             __________________________________

You readied for bed after spending a few hours curled into the couch watching evening programming. 

You hadn’t looked at your phone once since receiving that text from Tom and dreaded looking at it, but decided to do so anyways. 

You saw that there was a message from b/f/n but decided to ignore it for now. 

Snapchat was filled with snaps from friends and acquaintances who had learned of the incident already. 

Leaving them on read was the only feasible option right now.

A quick scan of Instagram and Twitter shot your anxiety through the roof and you refused to make any posts just yet. 

The world would just have to wait for your mental health to improve.

Eventually you worked up the nerve to open the text from b/f/n, ignoring all others from family and other close friends. 

This isn’t you, it began.

You have a lot of explaining to do if you expect me to understand or forgive you, but I’m not writing you off just yet

Let me know when you’re ready to talk.

You honestly couldn’t believe it. 

Sure, you two had been friends for years and been through thick and thin, but you also knew how she could react in anger and be unforgiving for a long time. 

It took about 20 minutes of you staring at her texts and pacing the room to think up a reply, and your words still would never make up for all of it.

I really don’t know if I am ready to share, but I swear on my life that you’ll be the first to hear from me when I am. I’ll be in touch soon. Thank you, I love you.

With that, you placed the phone on the charger on do not disturb and you crawled onto the bed.

A certain scent hit you like a truck upon laying down. 

You inhaled sharply and tensed. 

That damned cologne was still there.

Sleeping like this was not an option, so immediately you got back up, headed out the door, and made your way to the guest room.

That would have to work tonight, and tomorrow you would have to decide between washing or burning your bedsheets. 

Those thoughts didn’t make it too far, though, because almost immediately after your head hit the pillow, you were out like a light.

                             __________________________________

You couldn’t do anything.

All day you had stayed in, afraid to be seen in public and even worse, be confronted about this. You couldn’t even make yourself go to dance in avoidance of your classmates.

Instead, you spent the day managing your anger and sadness through working out for almost two hours and eventually breaking down on the floor of your makeshift home gym. 

Your mom had taken off from work to keep watch of you and came in upon hearing you. She sat down on the floor and embraced you, ignoring the sweat covering your body and clothes. 

After finally managing to get up, you headed back upstairs and hopped into a long hot bath. Maybe that would cleanse you of all of this.

It didn’t. 

Later, you stripped your bed of the sheets and tossed them in the wash, dumping a scoop and a half of laundry detergent in for good measure. You also misted the bare mattress and pillows with linen spray just in case. 

You wouldn’t let anything remind you of him. 

The day went by too slowly as isolation set in. You couldn’t check social media because your feed was overloaded with inquiries, and you couldn’t talk to your friends because they were just as bad as the fans and haters. 

You were now sitting watching youtube videos while your mom watched tv. You weren’t paying attention until you heard the volume go up.

Upon looking up at the screen, you saw that she was watching Entertainment Tonight and they were running a story on you. 

It felt like your stomach had dropped to the floor when your name was said by one of the journalists. Even though you knew that what they’d say was false, you couldn’t look away. 

They basically recapped everything Tom and the TMZ article had said, but also mentioned that you had been talked about on other talk shows and gossip sites all night and day. 

Your mom gave you a sympathetic look, but you chose to ignore it all, rolling your eyes and continuing to try to figure out how to move on. 

Eventually you would have to leave the house and talk about it all, but today was necessary for self care and reflection.

                             __________________________________

That’s it for this one! It’s realllllll dramatic but oh well haha. Thanks for reading and sorry it took so long to put out!

If you wanna be added to the tag list, please send an ask or message bc I can’t reply to comments on posts since this is a side blog :(

Tag List: @marvel-lously, @jackiehollanderr, @one-big-fangirl, @worn-off

[dakotacrisis]

Transferred (14)

The Class used: Remorse

It is super effective!

---

The next couple of days after Lila’s downfall were strangely normal. Outside of Marinette’s old classmates liking her social media posts again they weren’t interacting with her directly. According to Adrien and Alya, Lila had vanished from the school altogether after what went down. No one had heard from her and no one was looking to reach out to her. Served her right for everything she had done. If Marinette never saw Lila again it would be too soon.

“Thanks again for coming over to help with this,” Marinette told her friends.

Alya, Aurore, and Wayhem were all in Marinette’s room as she pieced together Kagami’s fundraiser dress. Kagami couldn’t make it over so Aurore was being used as a live model to see how it looked walking and sitting. Wayhem actually knew how to sew too so he was helping with a couple alterations and handing over a convenient pin or needle when needed. Then Alya was sitting on the chaise keeping the rest of them entertained with music, gossip, and memes.

“It was nothing.” Aurore said, “You’re sure it’s okay for me to wear this though? Isn’t it supposed to be tailored to Kagami?”

“It is but I need to see how it moves and hangs on a real person and you two have the same measurements. If she wasn’t at fencing practice I’d have her here but it is what it is.” Marinette shrugged.

“For the short notice it turned out pretty spectacular.” Wayhem praised, “Aurore, I want to make sure the hem is even. Can you do a slow turn?”

“Sure,”

“Ha, someone made the lady yelling at the cat meme with Ladybug and Chat Noir.” Alya said.

“Who’s the cat?” Aurore asked.

“Chat Noir. Why would the cat themed hero not be the cat in the format?”

“Diversity? Ladybug could be a cat if she wanted to be.” Aurore shrugged.

Marinette had to stifle a mad laugh. She had played Lady Noir once. That was plenty. Although she will admit the few photos of herself with Chat’s miraculous looked good. She really should wear black more often.

“I think we are done.” Wayhem stepped back. “Hem is even. Anything you notice that needs fixing, Marinette?”

“Let me see.” She paced around the dress tugging it here and there and making sure all the seams were neat. “Looks good. How does it feel? Too tight? Too loose?”

“It is perfect.” Aurore stepped off her tiny pedestal.

“Walk in it. I wanna see how it moves.” Marinette instructed. “Okay. Moves well. Looks good. I think we are done. You can go behind the divider and change. I need to grab the garment bag from the downstairs closet.”

Marinette had pulled the garment bag out of the closet when there was a knock on the front door. She set the bag down and went to see who it was. Maybe Kagami had managed to get off early and wanted to try on the dress.

The dozen of faces waiting outside her door were definitely not Kagami. It looked like all her old classmates had decided to pay a visit. She hadn’t directly talked to any of them since she transferred and they had only barely begun to try reaching out to her now. Suffice to say it felt very strange seeing them here at her house.

“Hi,” Marinette gripped the door handle tighter. “What uh...what are you guys doing here?”

“We--well we wanted to um--” Nino wrung his hat around in his hands.

“We came to apologize.” Alix blurted out.

“Oh” Marinette had thought this might happen. She wasn’t expecting everyone at once though.

“Yeah. We were pretty harsh when everything with Lila happened. It wasn’t right.” Mylene said.

“You were also pretty scary too.” Kim was silenced by Ivan subtly elbowing him in the ribs.

“To be perfectly honest our failure to recognize Lila’s deceit was nothing short of imbecilic. I should have known she was lying when she said you cheated during the gaming tournament. Your skills are far too refined to ever have to resort to cheat codes.” Max said.

“We were so mean and we’re really sorry about all of this.” Rose looked like she was close to breaking down in tears. “I didn’t--I didn’t think that--”

Juleka hugged Rose as she started to blubber.

“Marinette?” Alya came downstairs followed by Wayhem and Aurore. “Nino? Guys? What’s going on?”

“They’re here to apologize.” Marinette was trying not to have another breakdown.

The all at once relief of stress and anxiety had left Marinette rather sensitive. At random points it would just hit her all at once and she’d start crying or laughing or both. Yesterday Adrien gave her a hug and she broke down. So having all her old peers outside her door apologizing and asking forgiveness was definitely wearing on her sanity control.

“Uncool guys. You just can’t ambush someone like this! Even if it is well meaning.” Alya stepped out into the hallway and closed the door behind her. There was some muffled conversation before she opened the door again. “Now, what do we have to say to Marinette?”

“Sorry for coming over uninvited and without any notice.” Nino said. “We weren’t sure you would see us if we asked.”

“I won’t act like everything that happened didn’t hurt me. I thought we were all friends but when the time came you all took Lila’s side. Someone you barely knew. It was infuriating but even more disappointing that my word seemed to carry such little weight with all of you.”

“Marinette--”

“Let her finish.” Aurore glared at the others.

“I know the real culprit here is Lila. She’s the one that lied and sabotaged and drove me out of the school by turning everyone against me. I’ll never forgive her.” Marinette took a deep breath, “But I think I am ready to start forgiving you.”

The class perked up at that.

“That is great to here. There is one other thing we came to ask though.” Nathaneal said.

“Which is?”

“We would love it if you transferred back to Dupont. We miss you and want our sweet classmate back.” Rose said.

“What did I just tell you guys about putting pressure on an unassuming person?” Alya groaned. She turned to Marinette, “I am so sorry about them. You don’t have to answer.”

“I think it is a fair question.” Wayhem shrugged. “Now that Lila’s been exposed, would you transfer back?”

“I know we weren’t in the same class but it would be nice seeing you around school again.” Aurore smiled.

“Everyone, please,” Marinette backed up, “I appreciate you coming over to apologize and asking me to come back. But the fact of the matter is that I am not coming back to Dupont. It isn’t anything against all of you but I love where I am right now. I’ve made new friends and have finally caught up with the rest of the class at my new school.”

“Also,” Marinette sighed, “Even though all of you know the truth about Lila I can’t be around her. I not only want to keep as far from her as I can but I feel like I need to stay way from her. Especially now that she’s been outed as the liar she is I can only see her getting more hostile.”

“No one has heard from her in days though. She might have transferred schools or been expelled.” Alix insisted. “If she did try anything we’d be there for you this time. You wouldn’t need to worry.”

“I still can’t take that chance. I left because it was the best thing for me at the time. Now I’m not returning because this is still the case. I hope you can accept that.”

Everyone looked disappointed but nodded.

“Thanks for hearing us out.” Mylene said.

“Alright, off with the lot of you.” Alya shooed them out. “Nino, you’re coming with me. Marinette, I’ll text you later. Bye!”

“Bye!” Marinette watched them file back down the steps. When she heard the downstairs door close she dropped to new knees. She had felt like keeling over the second she opened the door and saw all them waiting for her.

“Whoa, are you okay?” Wayhem helped her up.

“I need a moment.” Marinette trudged over to the couch. “My head hurts.”

“For what it’s worth, I think you handled that very well.”

“Thanks.” Marinette took a few more calming breaths. “Oh wait, the dress,”

“I got it.” Wayhem grabbed the garment bag. “You chill for a minute.”

“Thank you, Wayhem.” Marinette leaned against Aurore, “Why does life have to be so darn complicated?”

“If it were simple it would be boring.” Aurore patted her back. “The worst is over now.”

I doubt that. Marinette thought. More hard times and horrible people would come but for right now she could breathe and know everything was okay. If only for a little bit.

 Wayhem and Aurore hung out for a bit longer before they had to go. Marinette checked on Kagami’s dress a final time before texting her that it was all done. Unfortunately Kagami’s schedule didn’t mean they’d get a chance to do a final fitting before the fundraiser but Marinette was going to come over extra early the evening of to help her get ready. Hopefully if anything needed altered she’d have enough time to do it.

The days flew by and soon it was the night of the fundraiser. Marinette took the dress and made her way to Kagami’s house. Kagami answered the door and pulled her inside.

“Someone is excited,” Marinette laughed, “here is your dress,” She handed over the garment bag.

“What isn’t there to be excited about?” Kagami was bouncing as she took the dress. It was cute seeing her getting all giddy about it. “I’ve been looking forward to tonight all week.”

“And I can’t wait to see the outfit all put together. Go try it on!” Marinette ushered her into the bedroom. She waited nervously as Kagami put on the dress.

“MARINETTE!” Kagami shrieked. She’s seen the alteration.

Kagami stepped back out of the room in the dress. It looked fantastic. A fitted royal blue dress with an off the shoulder neckline. “What is this?” she pointed at the small slit Marinette had put in the dress. Nothing too much but it gave a cheeky peek of thigh when she walked.

“I know that you didn’t want anything short but you deserve to show off your legs a little. This is a great compromise.”

“I don’t know…” she tugged at the slit.

“If it bothers you that much I did bring my supplies to close it but you look amazing. You look hot.”

“Really?”

“Yes! Go put on the rest of the outfit. We’re on a deadline!” Marinette helped her tie on her strappy black heels while Kagami put her earrings in. Marinette carefully did her makeup so it wasn’t over the top but highlighted her big brown eyes and made her lips very kissable. (Side note to review sexuality later.)

“Alright,” Marinette put her in front of the mirror, “What do you think?”

“Wow,” Kagami couldn’t stop smiling, “I look--I don’t even know!”

“You look spectacular. You are going to turn heads this evening, my dear Kagami.” Marinette stood behind her smoothing out her hair and picking tiny bits off lint off her dress.

“Thank you, Marinette.” Kagami smiled at her. “It means so much. Not just the dress but being encouraging about Adrien. But more importantly this friendship between you and me. You are a great girl and I’m glad that I’ve gotten to know you better.”

“Me too,” She rested her head against Kagami’s shoulder, “I don’t think I ever thought I would be hyping up my romantic rival for a date with my crush. But, it’s you and I kinda love you. You’re great and no matter who Adrien ends up with, whether it be you, me, or someone else, I’m glad we have this friendship.”

“Dang it, Marinette,” Kagami fanned her face, “Is this mascara waterproof?”

“Don’t cry!” Marinette grabbed her a tissue, “No tears!”

“Stop being so sweet then!” Kagami dabbed at the corner of her eyes.

After they had both calmed down Marinette checked the time. They had to get going if Kagami was gonna be on time. They walked out to the limo. “Hope you have fun,”

“Okay, so I have a small confession,” Kagami was fidgeting. Fidgeting!

“What?” Marinette eyed her suspiciously.

“You’re coming to this fundraiser too.”

“Say what?”

“Come on, we don’t have a whole lot of time.”

---

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (15)

---

@northernbluetongue @ladylb @immatureidiot101 @lady-flora-of-slytherin @zazzlejazzle @shamefullove @heredemaquam @kristycocopops @schrodingers25 @sublimemagazinestarlight @crazylittlemunchkin @daydream-wannabewriter @trainflavor @never-neverland

[the-bjd-community-confess]

Cancelled            

I know this probly won’t be accepted under the new rules but just, I have to say it- I hope that’s okay, Mod? Can we please stop cancelling people for shit they’ve done five, ten years ago, as long as they’ve clearly grown since then? Ten years ago I was still in the closet and parroting Fox News talking points because that’s what I was indoctrinated to believe was right. I was still a child, like an actual-ass child, and I thank fuck that social media then is not social media now. By the grace of time I was given the chance to grow as a person (and come out of the closet) and realize how I didn’t actually agree with a lot of the shit I was TAUGHT to say- I learned and I got BETTER. People can change, but only if you give them the chance to do better.

I’m not saying “oh golly gee forgive and forget is the lord’s way!!” I’m just fucking saying that, while we can still hold people accountable for their past actions, should we not also say “they fucked up in their past, but they’re doing better now!” Like it’s not legitimizing their past actions to say “they fixed their shit since then.” It’s not “giving them a free pass” when they’ve literally done the work to be a better person. And while teenagers and young adults absolutely have the capacity to be monstrous little shitheads (hello to the middleschoolers that made me crave death,) I think we should also be mindful much of the time that younger folx have not often had the time to get away from the shit they were raised around and form their own identities. And in all cases, telling someone to take a long walk off a short pier is never warranted.

Obviously this doesn’t apply to everyone, because some people do things that there’s no coming back from and that I don’t need to name here. But someone posting something shitty on their myspace in 2006 does not deserve a firestorm in 2020 unless they’re still being the worst kind of human- in which case people probably already know that they’re shit, the deep dive be damned. There are reasons to bring up bad past actions, definitely so! But… man, there are bad ones, shitty ones too. Because we’ve all been that stupid bitch that reposted an edgy meme before, been the person to say something that aged badly after allt his time that someone saved from their yahoo instant messenger logs, we’ve all made mistakes at some point, and these days it’s all too easy to bring that up against someone and say They’re Actually Bad when frequently they’re just not liked by another party. I see that a lot with people who used to own recasts and have since fixed their shit. Even if it’s been years, they never get out from under the shroud. I just… things are fucked. Things are literally on fire, multiple people I loved have died this year from the virus and from other things, I’m worried I’m going to wind up homeless and the upcoming election in my country fills me with enough dread to trigger anxiety-induced IBS-D. There are so many reasons to hate each other that are so easy to find that it’s not even funny, at all. I just… wish we’d put the same amount of effort we put into damning someone into finding common ground, is all. I know people’s thoughts want to immediately spring to the worst example of a person that can never be forgiven or supported whenever I say things like this, but I’m not talking about that guy, you know I’m not talking about that guy. If I’ve learned one thing in my life it’s that few people are truly a lost cause. I haven’t been cancelled and I’m not secretly posting this because I’m a salty little bitch baby. I’m just a tired queer millennial that wants people to be a little less angry. That’s all.

~Anonymous

[bonzhur]

"I have 4 brothers (one of them is younger and the two oldest are quite a lot older) so I was thinking maybe a Damian Wayne x reader (16+) where Damian and reader are secretly dating and Damian bumps in to the reader whilst they are both out with their siblings. Maybe a few of them know each other from school and they wanna hang out and Damian and the reader try and pretend they don’t know each other so their siblings don’t make a big deal about their relationship but maybe somehow they let it slip."

~♪~♪~♪~♪~♪~

Oh my gosh...

First off, I'm so sorry for not checking my asks, college and now this world wide issue. I'm so sorry!! *Bows* Please forgive me!!!

Second, I hope you can still enjoy this late reply, I'm really sorry ;-;

Guys, the keys for this story are these;

B1- Brother 1

B2- Brother 2

B3- Brother 3

Again, I am so sorry! P.S. details are lacking so I choose them for you... You'll see what mean later. Please enjoy this late reply, again, I'm so sorry!

~•~•~•~•~

I sighed as I sat on the mahogany bench, my sweat rolling down my skin as I tried to catch my breath.

"B1!"

The screech of my younger brother can probably be heard throughout the entire park, heck, maybe even Gotham. But I get how he's feeling, I'm ticked as well after all.

"What on earth gave you the great idea to drag me out of my bed to go jogging with you!" I turned my head to see B3 jabbing his finger at B1, who's just trying not to laugh. Yea, let's see that smug grin later when I beat ya for interrupting my sleep.

"What's wrong, lil bro?" B1 chuckled as he skipped a few feet away from him, holding his hands up in defense. "Not my fault you lack vitamin D and been hold up in your room with your video games, you and y/n both."

"Excuse you!" I immediately sat up and glare at my brother. "But my babies needed me, okay!"

A hand came suddenly and messed up my already bad bed hair. Not my fault B1 dragged me out of bed with no preparations, again whatever. I swatted the hand away, glaring at B2.

"Hey, I understand your struggle." He said with a look of understanding. "I bought you that switch with animal crossing remember."

I huffed and crossed my arms. Not my fault I got addicted to the game, not my fault it's one of the only games I can play with him.

A smile started forming on my face as I thought of him. Damian Wayne, son of billionaire Playboy Bruce Wayne, a student in Gotham High, and my absolutely hot boyfriend. Can't deny how toned and defined his body is~ And that ass is mine, so back off bishes! If only I can say that...

You see Damian may be my boyfriend, but we're in a secret relationship. Yea, sucks to be me alright. I do understand where he's coming from though. It's not about his image (he'd throw that away cuz he don't care) and definitely not his family, though he's adamant that I can't meet them yet (something about them never ending teasing and him not trusting they can keep a secret, also the fact that he wants to know how long it takes for them to figure it out). It's about me.

In Gotham High, I'm just a lucky smart kid, who got a scholarship. No one really pays attention to me, especially since there's more interesting people. So finding out a normal person like me is his girlfriend, let's just say it wouldn't end well. His fans would bully me relentlessly, people would assume I'm a gold digger or just a hoe. The rumours, the lies, the fights, the many ways this can go from great to worst. It's not the best situation to be, especially when Damian isn't always there to be by my side. Anything can happen and that anything scares both of us.

I groan as I quickly fixed up my hair into a high pony. It's bad enough that Damian doesn't go easy on me during training and now my big bro wants me to exercise in my rest day, not cool.

"let's just get this over with." I stood up, glaring at B1 as he innocently whistles. "I have a date with my bed and switch after this."

"So you're cheating on Pizza? With bed and switch? That's harsh." B2 cried as he clenched his hand over his chest, like the drama queen that he is.

"Maybe I should take Pizza out on a date later? Seeing as you're busy." B1 joked, fixing his black tank top like it was a suit.

"ha ha, very funny you two." Rolling my e/c eyes, I crossed my arms and walked towards them. "Now can we please just go?"

"fine, as soon as B3 stops complaining." B1 chuckled, causing me to sigh.

"I swear you three are making me loo-" All of a sudden, I felt someone bump into me and like dramatic girl, I nearly fell. But thankfully the culprit grabbed my wrist, saving me from the fall. I turn to the next victim on my list and was met with the mesmerizing green eyes of my surprised boyfriend. Shock dawned on my expression as I could only whisper. "Dami?"

"Habibti." Damian whispered back, I assume getting lost in my e/c eyes as well. Or maybe it was my sports outfit, who knows.

He pulled me up to stand and I was about to say something when I heard my brother called for me in the background. This snapped me back to reality and away from the Dreamland of Damian's eyes, pulling my hand back and stepping away from him. He did the same, now definitely looking at my outfit.

Now remember how B1 dragged me to the park for a jog. Well, it's extremely hot today and I'm not about to get out in the burning sun without a proper outfit. I.E. shorts, a tank top, running shoes, and my Batfam cap (a humor gift from B3. jokes on him, I love this hat). Now seeing how Damian is looking at my outfit, I can already tell what he's thinking, he's look at me with lust and want after all. Sweet Lord, if you're there. Please say me from this predicament I'm in. I want to walk please!

"Yo Dick, how ya been?" The voice of B1, surprised me as I turn to them. Eyes widening when I realized that Damian was with his brothers and sister. I think it dawned on Damian too, because now he moved more away from me. Sad but hey, secret relationship after all.

"Nothing much B1." Dick Grayson turned to me, eyes holding a flirtious glint when he saw me. "This your younger sister? Y/n?" He asked naturally, not like he ate me up with his eyes.

"Yea, she is." B1 said, like the confused idiot that he is. "Y/n, this is one of my old friends, Dick."

"Hi..." That's my poor attempt at interacting with people, brought to you by Social Anxiety and Depression!

"Name's Dick Grayson, this is my sister, Cass. My brothers, Jason, Tim, and Damian, who I think you met."

"Don't fool around, Grayson." Damian interrupted him. "I don't even know her."

"But you guys had a connection! Don't deny it!" Dick defended, while Cass giggled and Jason smirked at this, knowing a fight is near. Tim just went and laid on the bench, within seconds, he's asleep. Dude, the fu-

"Okay! Break it off." B2 said, pushing Dick away from Damian. "Me and my siblings have to go and finish our jog."

"oh, us too." Jason piped up. "Mind if we joined?"

"Sure, why not." B1 said instantly.

"wait, what?" Says my confused brain.

So during the jog, they explained how they knew each other, Jason to B2 and Dick to B1. Being from the same school and all that stuff, having a little fun reunion. Cass and B3 are watching Tim, who is barely awake but jogging too. I'm both amazing and confused at the same time. As for me and Damian, well..

We decided to jog the slowest, being at the back where none of them can see us or barely hear us. You can imagine how Damian teased me about my outfit and how after he's done with me, I can't stand for a week. Add some 'accidental' touching here and there, maybe a peck or two in secret. I'm actually surprised no one saw or questioned us.

Yea, that's how I felt until the end. Where Tim and B3 basically almost threw up because me and Damian are being too lovey dovey in the back.

"WHAT!"

Oh the chaos, how both B1 and Dick were celebrating about their siblings having a significant other, how B2 and Jason had a talk with each other about what to do if one of us broke the other's heart, and Cass being a sweet girl and congratulating us. She's the best.

At first, we tried to deny it, it's not like that, etc, etc. Then Tim pointed out that Damian called me Habibti, which we both, again, tried to deny it. Until Dick kabedons me and Damian attacked him. So now, they know that we're dating... Great.

Atleast now I can go to his house and be with him without fearing if his siblings see. Let me tell you, it was hella alot more fun than before.

~•~•~•~

First off, again I'm so sorry. Second, I literally typed this for an hour and a half. I need sleep.. Not my best work, please forgive me at that. It's been years or months since I last made a one shot and it's obvious in the fic, Atleast to me.

Thanks for reading this late reply post!

[sparklyandchic]

🦋 MINI MIND MAKEOVER 🦋

okay i started the idea for this mini little mind makeover when i broke up with my boyfriend in like january. instead of being sad or angry, i wanted to be grateful for this time and take it as an opportunity to make life better for myself. then quarantine happened, so some of these are related to things i’ve learned since that started. either way, these aren’t all concrete things to do for your mind; some of them are just ways of thinking or pep talks. but if you can find one little piece of information or thought that makes you a little bit happier for a moment, that’s all i can hope for!

5-htp: okay first off- please ALWAYS consult your psychiatrist or medical professional before taking a supplement! taking 5-htp with, for example, serotonin-increasing medications can lead to a fatal illness called serotonin syndrome. personally, i started taking it because i had been on 10 mg prozac for a few months. it definitely dulled a lot of my anxiety and had a lot of positive aspects to it, but it dulled them almost too much to the point where i felt apathetic and detached from myself and the situations i was in. i was in a very unhealthy relationship and felt like i needed my mental clarity and “overthinking” processes back in order to identify what i was feeling and how to deal with it. i felt a lot more “sensitive” after coming off it, which was actually really welcome for me at first, but then it sort of dropped off into withdrawals. i was having constant panic attacks and crying very often. after a while, i was debating going back on prozac, but remembered i had taken 5-htp before. 5-htp is an amino acid that is a direct precursor to serotonin being produced in the brain. when u eat turkey, tryptophan is converted into 5-htp which leads to your brain producing serotonin, thus why you feel calm and happy afterwards. after taking 5-htp for just a few days, ranging between 200-300 mg per day (again, do your research, ask your doctor, and start small) i stopped crying constantly and really felt this sense of calmness and wellbeing but without the detachment and apathy i felt with prozac. i could still think clearly but didn’t feel overly sensitive to every emotion which arose. personally, it is really a lifesaver and really does make a noticeable difference.

cognitive behavioral therapy: ive tried therapy a million times. well okay, like 5 or 6 different therapists. at its worst, therapists told me i needed to use my sexual power as a woman in order to get what i wanted from men, told me i’m bad at socializing and should do group therapy, said my mom shouldn’t have encouraged me to “be myself” when i was younger because it made me less likeable than if i had conformed to normal societal standards of dressing. i had gone to “therapists” who claimed to be trained in CBT, but when i told them about my experiences with dissociation, the only feedback i got was to “take more baths.” while going through a few unpleasant experiences in my personal life, i decided i should try CBT once more, but like the real kind. i found an ivy-league educated licensed psychologist (NOT a “licensed clinical social worker” who doesn’t even have a psychology degree!!) who SPECIALIZED specifically in cognitive behavioral therapy. just after the first session, i was so elated with my experience. as opposed to just telling me that i needed to be more normal or more kind or a better person, she tried to identify WHAT was making me feel that way about myself in the first place. she pointed out the positive things i do and reassured me i was kind, good, and deserving of good things. she pointed out many aspects of my situation that would have taken me days or weeks to come to on my own. i’ve realized my hubris isn’t that i’m not socially acceptable or not perfect enough, but its just that i tend to THINK that i am these things despite having no evidence of it. so, over time with therapy, my positive self image about who i am as a person has grown and strengthened and i dont just randomly feel like a bad human being anymore lol. moral of the story, if you wanna do therapy but it keeps sucking, dont give up. go to a legit psychologist, find someone who specializes in the type of therapy you’re seeking, and also be vocal during your sessions. stand up to your psychologist when they continually push a narrative onto you, and explain why you don’t agree with it. sometimes it’s their job to try different narratives to see what fits, and if you just passively let them say what they want to, you’ll never find the truth of your experience! it’s a communal effort! therapy isn’t usually a magic cure-all where one session fixes everything that goes awry in your brain. but if you find someone who knows what they’re doing they can in fact really help your thought processes become less twisted up and more clear and healthy.

meditation and mindfulness: a few weeks ago i felt anxious and overly driven to get things done to the point where i spiraled into a space of guilt or a panic attack over not getting enough things done. meditation can be so so helpful here. it’s better to spend an hour sitting and doing nothing, but doing it peacefully and then calmly moving on to doing something else, than to spend 5 hours stressing yourself over every single thing you need to get done and how much time you’re wasting. the things that need to get done will get done. another thing that i’ve realized and say to myself a lot is: “focus not on doing all things perfectly, but on doing the small things well.” by this i mean, stop thinking about the 20 things you need to get done and how it all needs to be perfect, but instead take your time with the task that presents itself as most beneficial right now and focus on enjoying it and giving your whole self to the process. for example, stop thinking about how you need to clean your room, your closet, donate clothes, take a shower, take out the trash, read, workout, etc. think to yourself; “which task would bring me the most joy right now?” if the answer is taking a shower, then take that damn shower. bring your speaker into the bathroom, scrub every inch of your scalp with shampoo, scrub your feet and behind your ears and your neck with body wash, brush the conditioner through your hair fully. you may end your shower with 19 other things to do, but god damn if you can’t enjoy a single one of them and be present for it, what’s the fucking point! go light a candle and bask in its glow, go make your bed and huddle up in your neatly arranged covers, go take a long bath or a thorough shower, and be proud of and content with that today. 

relationships, with others and yourself: okay, if you missed the memo, my ex-boyfriend sucked. like genuinely was a bad person. he was a drug dealer, so that’s red flag number 1 (which i ignored of course), he hadn’t graduated high school (he was 18, i was 20, he was supposed to graduate the last semester but refused to do the work and ignored me and his mother when encouraged to do it, which is uhh definitely red flag number 2 which i also ignored), he habitually did not show up for dates on time or lied about what he was going to do or what he did (literally everything he did was a red flag and i rlly ignored all of it). the worst part was how he responded when i worked up the courage to speak to him about it. if we had agreed upon a time for our date but he showed up literally 8 hours late, he would blame it on me because i “could have called” him, or that i was “demanding too much of” him, or that i “should have said something earlier so now [i was] just dragging it out because it already happened.” basically, whatever narrative he pushed at me, i eventually gave into. i’ve dealt with gaslighting in a relationship before and a part of me knew what was happening to me, but a part of me also kept having hope for him, kept empathizing with him, kept wanting to believe in him. after a bit too much time, i finally realized you have to trust yourself, empathize with yourself, and believing in yourself over anyone else. at first i felt bad for him not being able to graduate because i had my own struggles with high school and getting work done. i thought he may have issues but he deserves someone to be there for him because i wanted someone to be there for me. despite the pain and stress he was causing me, i sat around crying over him because i cared about him and tend to over-empathize with people close to me, whether they deserve it or not. my therapist told me something that at first i did not understand, but over time came to grasp in its entirety: “some people do not deserve your love or kindness.” after our first session, my homework was to “consider when you are being kind and when you are being taken advantage of.” this made me realize that what feels like your instinctual nature to be nice to others, can in fact be a self-sabotaging unfair action, depending on the other person’s response. i might be dishing out a lot right now, but bear with me. think of it this way: you regard an action as a “kind action”. you might think “kind actions” include: forgiving someone for large mistakes, putting someone’s needs over yours, sparing them some change when they ask for it, listening to the problems they are dealing with every day. BUT when their actions include not forgiving you for minor mistakes, not giving a sh*t about your needs or considering them, not caring how much money they take from you and how much money you need to have around, or habitually glossing over your problems because it doesn’t benefit them to care, THEN those actions you performed are NOT “KIND ACTIONS” anymore. the act of continuing to give them leeway is now the act of being taken advantage of. the act of giving them money is now the act of being taken advantage of. the act of buying into their story at the expense of your sanity, is now the act of being taken advantage. basically, all i’m saying is START PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST AND TRUSTING YOURSELF WHEN YOU FEEL SOMEONE DOESN’T HAVE YOUR BEST INTERESTS IN MIND. 

ending thoughts: i know quarantine is difficult right now. the desire to grow contrasted with the inability to move. maybe try and follow that old 2008~ quote; “bloom where you are planted”. you might not be able to reach the goals you thought you would during this time. you might not be able to run a marathon or make a bunch of new friends or wake up at 6 AM to workout or redo your bedroom or get a rhinoplasty or join a gym or get an internship. working towards productivity might be unrealistic right now. but you can work everyday towards becoming the woman you want to be, mentally. you can work on learning to be content, learning to make the best with what you have, learning to appreciate the little things, learning to slow down. these are all qualities that i for one want to have just as much as i want to be attractive or successful. if you can’t enjoy success, what’s the fucking point! life is on pause right now, take this moment as a gift and consider your internal world and what parts of your mind need a makeover. there are horrible things happening in the world right now, do what you can to help, but if you’re safe and healthy then be grateful for the things you can learn from this difficult time. take it slow, but keep moving forward! 

[thathelplesshomeschooler]

Humans are space orcs (with magic!)  *what is pain*

Drerzii was confused. He had known that humans were incredibly resilient, he had seen it when they had brought one of the females in with light had trauma that she had quickly recovered from. Even the other humans with their various minor injuries seemed to pay the dripping blood no mind. Yet now, Taurus, the distinctive leader and most warrior class-esque of the humans stood before him, clutching his finger. Drerzii had been alerted to the fact that one of the humans had needed medical attention when he heard human profanity being shouted loudly. A few seconds later Taurus had appeared in the med bay searching for a "band aid." A primitive human form of bandage. When Drerzii asked to examine the injury that was clearly causing the human vast amounts of pain and was likely life-threatening given the humans nonchalance in the face of previous wounds, he was highly surprised to find that this "cut," as the humans called an incision of the skin, was incredibly tiny.

"So where, may I ask, did you obtain this 'paper cut?'" Drerzii asked.

"Well I was turning a page in a book that my dad gave me, and as I was turning page, it sliced my finger up. Hurt like a *itch."

"I can find no blood coming out of your circulatory system, which indicates that you need absolutely no medical attention."

Taurus leaned forward, his predatorial eyes boring into Drerzii. Drerzii shifted his colors with discomfort; the intense gaze of the human was highly unnerving. "But it hurts. Do you guys even have bandaids?"

"We do, Taurus. But I must inform you that the bandaid will not relieve the pain."

Taurus leaned back, a sigh escaping his lips. "I know it won't Drerzii, but it will make me feel better."

Drerzii dipped his hue with confusion. "I do not understand. If it does not stop the nerve impulses how does it help?" He paused, then though aloud, something he often did as a telepath, "Could it be psychological?"

"Yeah I guess. Sometimes little things like that help us. It'll also help me from absentmindedly tearing it open again once it's scabbed over."

Drerzii looked at the human in horror. He knew what a scab was, and to tear one open... Did humans enjoy causing themselves pain? Why would any creature reopen it's wounds for any non-medical reason. He was beyond baffled.

* * *

Thunderous crashing, a string of curses, a storm of human howling. “Laughing,” as they called it. Always curious and ready to examine the humans, Drerzii entered the room the humans were currently frolicking about in. One human was doubled over on the floor, she seemed to be shaking, and her breath was coming out in short bursts. Another human was lathered over a chair, his head back, and mouth open, revealing his rows of predatory teeth, also letting loose a similar, but deeper, sound. The rest of the humans were similarly emitting such noises, which he knew were supposed to be sounds of amusement, though he couldn’t help but feel unease at the noise. One human though, the one he recognized as Jason, had a somewhat confused grin and a hand upon his forehead. He chuckled and headed for the door, saying something about getting an ice pack. One of the other males, Uhris called out, “Wait come back Jason, but don’t run into anymore walls on the way back.” The humans had started to return to their normal selves, but at that comment they relapsed into their fits of noise making. “Seriously bro, come back, you’re not losing...horribly. Look we’ll start going easy on you. Just suck it up and keep playing, what’s a lil’ pain to fight through?”

The other humans echoed their agreement and Jason returned to the table, still having a hand to his head. Drerzii dared not approach the humans, as he didn’t want to change the setting, and he was thoroughly enjoying observing them from afar. He pulled out his holotablet and looked up the one phrase he didn’t understand. It turned out “suck it up,” was a call to be more manly, usually by ignoring pain...fascinating.

* * *

A few weeks later Drerzii walked into the human living quarters to examine the room to make sure it was not dangerous to live in. Whether that danger came from precariously placed objects or viruses and bacteria. As he was looking through the room he noticed a large amount of brightly decorated aluminum scraps on the floor. As he began to pick them up to examine what exactly these objects were, the human female Enara exited the bathroom, hair wet and clad only in a towel that wrapped around the entirety of her torso. She started at the sight of the little alien, but quickly recovered. Almost immediately she noticed the scraps in his appendage. “Oh, I’ll clean that up sir. Apologies for leaving the room such a mess.”

“Do not be distressed.” Drerzii responded, “I have read that a mildy chaotic living space tends to lessen anxiety and boost creativity in humans. I did not pick up this, object, to organize in any fashion;” he said, placing back on its original spot on the floor before continuing, “rather, I was curious as to what it was, for I must admit, I have not seen it’s like anywhere. It has such a peculiar shape, and it shows an impressive amount of flexibility.”

“Sir, that’s just a chocolate wrapper.” Enara said with a somewhat amused expression.

“I am unfamiliar with it. Please, tell me it is.”

She shrugged. “It’s a protective wrapping for chocolate, which is a human delicacy, I guess. It’s not anything special though. I just really needed some cause my period is being a b*tch right now.”

The doctors’ colors changed as the topic changed to a subject he was familiar with, “Ahh yes. Correct me if I am in fact wrong, but that is the colloquial term for the female humans’ menstrual cycles, right?”

“Er...yeah. I’ll clean up the wrappers. I just wanted some chocolate to help with the cramps.”

“The cycle causes muscle contractions? Forgive me for my ignorance, I only saw the name in passing.”

“Sorry, can you stand on the other side of the division, I wanna change from my towel into actual clothes.” She continued as Drerzii complied, “No, it’s not muscle contractions it’s just, pain, a lot of pain. I mean I don’t have it as bad as other girls, it mostly just makes me irritable and hurts a lot, but my sister would vomit because the pain was so intense.”

Drerzii blinked rapidly. Human females had cyclical times of pain? What a horrible existence.

Slightly muffled as she put on a shirt, Enara said“You’d think that after thousands of years of evolution we wouldn’t have to deal with so much pain and just bleeding that much, but I guess not?”

Finished dressing Enara pulled back the curtain to look at the doctor, who at this point had turn a dark red with spots of yellow. He blinked multiple times before asking: “You bleed? Is that not dangerous? Is not your blood incredibly vital for your life? And where do you blood from? I see no wounds”

She shrugged, “From our, uhm, woman parts doc,” She was relieved that he seemed to understand, “but it’s not that much blood. It mostly can just be awkward in social situations. But man, cramps are the absolute worst. I mean sometimes it’s hard just to walk around cause the pain is so intense.”

Drerzii marveled at these revelations. His discussion with Enara continued on for some time as he was eager to learn more and she seemed, amused, by his questioning. After much talking with both her, and later the rest of the humans, who informed him that males did not in fact have ‘periods,’ (though there could be times of extreme and incapacitating pain for them if they were struck in their ‘nether regions’) the females were remarkably more resilient to pain.  All humans could ignore a bit of pain, but the females seemed to be much better at it. Though maybe not quite as physically strong as the males, the females ability to simply push through pain that would leave the males incapacitated was no small feat. Especially seeing how much pain Drerzii had witness some human males absorb.

[scottishgirlthoughts]

after a toxic relationship

“Emotional abuse is any abusive behavior which isn't physical. That may include verbal aggression, intimidation, manipulation, and humiliation, which most often unfolds as a pattern of behaviour over time that aims to diminish another person's sense of identity, dignity and self worth, and often results in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol addiction and PTSD.”

I was one of the lucky ones.

I moved away before things got worse. I do put it down to luck, but I feel anything but lucky. What happens during and after an emotionally abusive relationship is completely out of your control. You don't even know it's happening. Every time I go to talk about this subject with someone in person or write it down, my first immediate thought is, 'I better say that it was JUST emotional abuse, don't want anyone thinking that I'm exaggerating or that I’m weak, self-indulgent or simply trying to get attention.’ One roll of someone's eyes or slight uncomfortableness is enough to shut me up forever and attention is the last thing I want.

That thought pattern which I keep going back to over and over again, is part of the impact of what an emotionally abusive relationship can do to your brain. I am now in a healthy relationship with someone who I feel I can talk about absolutely anything with, and yet I still feel like I need to stop myself from talking about my ex and the effects he had on my brain and my body. I know myself very well, and when I knew something was wrong, it was time to trust my instincts. And thank god I did, because who knows where I'd be now if I hadn't done that.

I am by no means an expert, but have done enough research to understand a little bit more about what was/is going on in mine, and many other people’s brains. This is something we need to talk about. Seriously. If you have never experienced this form of abuse then I could forgive you for being obstinate, not wanting to listen, or for assuming that there are worse things in life to go through. Of course there are, but every persons experience with abuse, no matter in which form, is valid. I hate that I'm still thinking about it almost four years later, but I sort of don’t have a choice. What I've found out is that it can last a lifetime... and I'm determined to not let that happen. This is not a piece of writing for those of you who have experienced a relationship like this, it's more for those of you who don't quite understand. My abuser was, himself, a survivor of child abuse. He was also an addict. All this bulls*** about how experiencing abuse strengthens you, gives survivors the reason to believe that what they are going through is something that one can simply 'get over'. That's not how it goes, trust me. Sure, you can find a form of strength within yourself afterwards which you didn't know was there before, but with this can also come a surreal feeling of loneliness. I don't hate my ex. I feel for him, and have tried to understand, now that I have the smallest inkling into what it must be like to live with that form of trauma, which lead to very early drug dependence for him. It's an important part of the pattern that we need to take into consideration.

I met this man when I was 18 years of age. I had what I thought was a connection with him. We started to see each other, and I soon realised that he had a drug addiction. I can't remember most of our time together, and I still struggle to this day to put all the pieces together. All I know is, when we parted ways, I thought I was very much in love with him, but it was infatuation. He was living elsewhere, in a very bad place mentally and physically so I got in touch with a shelter in his area which had a programme focused on helping people with their addictions and their past. It was then that I started to feel disconnected from the person I had become while I was with him. I started to look in on things from the outside, and slowly realise what had actually been going on. It's difficult to write this from my perspective still, but I'm trying my hardest to remember how I felt during this time. All I wanted was to help him, but the reality I've more recently come to, is that I've done all I can do for him. My first introduction to 'sociopaths' and 'narcissistic abuse' was a video on YouTube by a man called Sean Fitzgerald. I had of course heard those terms before, but really had no clue what they meant. Everything he said made sense to me. Confusion was the first word which rang true. When I look back on that period of time with my ex, it seems like a dream. Not like heaven, more like a disconnection from reality. The period afterwards was also filled with confusion. I couldn't figure out why I was experiencing sleep hallucinations or having dreams where 'he' could 'still get me' and I felt fear everywhere in my body knowing full well that he would never, and never did, physically harm me.

This is where fight or flight comes in to the picture.

Fight, flight, freeze is when the amygdala in your brain takes over and puts you into a state of alertness, but what receiving emotional abuse does is turns that response on, and doesn’t turn it back off. You’re always on edge and ready for something bad to happen. Trying to train your brain out of that constant state of fight or flight feels almost impossible.

Usually we associate PTSD with one horrific event, but a prolonged exposure to trauma can do similar amount of damage to your brain. People who are being manipulated mentally experience trauma daily. If the abuse is not overt, it means that the person suffering is not in the right state of mind to fully grasp what is happening while it's happening, so by the time you know, the damage is done. Some call it PRSD (post relationship stress disorder). Some of the lasting effects of this form of relationship are -

Trust issues.

Self-blame, for everything.

Emotional numbness.

Rapid weight fluctuation. Eating excessively can feel like a way of giving something back to your body, subconsciously, and in the case of losing weight, our body uses a lot of energy when in fight or flight mode, trying to fend off an imaginary attack.

Brain fog. Simple tasks become more difficult, losing your train of thought, forgetting where you are, or finding it difficult to navigate, and concentration just seems like an alien concept. 

Social anxiety and panic attacks.

And in my experience, telling yourself that you're a bad person.

Please seek some form of help if you are feeling any of these things, or at least do some research. 

I spent a long time feeling like I was physically unable to talk. I thought people wouldn't listen, or just wouldn't understand. Even when someone is supportive, I can't help thinking that they probably just wish I would stop talking. When in reality, I don't think I've even spoken to anyone about it for longer than 10 minutes. I can actually piece together things in my head now and look at it rationally, which is a huge step. But I can't help thinking about the people who are still living with it, and have been through more severe forms. I have spent some time feeling sorry for myself, I have spent more time feeling sorry for my ex. Sometimes I feel like I've worked through the worst of it, sometimes it comes back to me. This form of abuse changes you. It changes your brain and the way you respond and think. It changes your body. Even now while writing I am debating whether or not to click ‘post’, for fear of judgement, but if it can help someone else in some way, then that’s who I’ll write this for. The one thing it has changed in me which I'm thankful for, is the outlook I have now. After having been through that state of mind which survivors live with daily, and putting someone's needs before mine so wholeheartedly, the one thing I would choose to take from it all, is a sense of empathy. I’ve been brought closer to myself, but I’ve developed a strong sense of understanding towards other people’s struggles. My ex maybe wasn’t very nice to me, but the anger he had inside him was something which had developed over several years of trying to live and deal with trauma. There was nobody there for him growing up, so he resorted to drugs and other forms of distraction. Addiction may seem like a selfish thing from the outside, but it is a disease. And in many cases, a person’s escape from the harsh reality of their lives. This issue is in no way simple nor can it be fixed overnight, but the amount of people who have been through this is astounding. There are many, many people who have been through the same thing as him and even me, and it’s not talked about enough. Sometimes we need to look at the bigger picture to get an idea of how we got to where we are now.

Please be patient with people. Please listen to what they say and take note of how they respond to the things you say. Take what they have had to live with into account before you make quick judgements and have empathy. Even for the ones you do not wish to feel empathy towards. You can hold your own hand, but at the end of the day you cannot pull yourself up a mountain, only someone else's hand can do that. 

And for those of you who are learning to live with C-PTSD or PTSD after emotional abuse... I know that it’s confusing. I know that you feel self-conscious and insecure. I know that it is affecting the other relationships in your life and you don’t know how to fix it. It takes a long time, but there are people who WILL listen to what you have to say. You don’t need to be scared of rejection anymore. You are ok, you are worthy and you are safe.