Am I Allowed to Cry?
(((SatoSugu one shot)))
Drowning in the Blue Nile
He sent me "Downtown Lights"
I hadn't heard it in a while
My boredom's bone-deep
This cage was once just fine
Am I allowed to cry?
‘Why didn’t you chase him?’
The words echo in my mind,
haunting me as I stare
at the bare wall of my dorm room
where photos used to stay.
It was my responsibility as a jujutsu sorcerer
to stop exactly what Suguru caused.
His smile was so soft.
He knew I wasn’t going to understand
and he didn’t even try to convince me.
He was always like that this last summer.
Something in him changed after Amanai died.
I’m pretty sure he had thought I was dead too
from the look on his face
when I walked into that room holding her corpse.
I knew I had changed.
Being on the brink of death will do that to a person.
I grip my bedsheets,
gritting my teeth at the tears
that burned their way out of my eyes
against my protest.
All I remember after that is screaming
until I heard Shoko’s voice.
“Give him space,
get out of here!
Gojo, hey, Gojo-”
I dream of cracking locks
Throwing my life to the wolves or the ocean rocks
Crashing into him tonight, he's a paradox
I'm seeing visions, am I bad?
Or mad? Or wise?
Do we still talk?
It would be unwise to indulge the answer to that.
How they haven’t found me out yet?
I have no idea.
They must trust their golden boy enough
to not assume that he would be
in the bed of a criminal after long missions,
dressing my wounds,
always stretching out the time.
He explained himself.
Adopted two little girls-
I can’t blame him for doing what he did,
but I would never say that out loud.
This world is… horrible.
We know that better than anyone I suppose.
What if he's written "mine" on my upper thigh only in my mind?
One slip and falling back into the hedge maze
Oh, what a way to die
I keep recalling things we never did
Messy top lip kiss, how I long for our trysts
Without ever touching his skin
How can I be guilty as sin?
Staring at my phone screen,
my scrolling through pointless pictures
paused by his text;
When are you coming over next?
Simple, but he always did get straight to the point.
My finger absent-mindedly twirls
around the black cat phone charm that he got for me-
something I had claimed I’d won in a random gacha pull,
but I knew the truth and that’s all that mattered.
Part of me needed him with me,
even if I couldn’t admit it.
I want to drop everything and run to him
every
damn
time.
Soon. I text back,
locking my phone and letting my arm drop,
painted fingertips grazing over sheets
he will never see again.
I keep these longings locked
In lowercase, inside a vault
Someone told me there's no such thing as bad thoughts
Only your actions talk
“How long are you going to do this, Gojo?”
Shoko quizzes me,
her face holds a touch of disapproval
but not disappointment.
I just look at her.
Does she really expect me to give an answer for that?
Until the day I die.
I want to say.
Want to scream.
I can’t even give an actual answer
because all that would give is
confirmation that I still see the ‘traitor’.
She knows.
She has to.
She… saw how badly it broke me-
feelings I never want to unleash again.
“What are you talking about?”
I finally ask,
eyes begging her to drop it through sunglasses.
She just pulls out her cigarette box silently,
flipping the top open
and holding it in my direction, offering.
I take one.
These fatal fantasies giving way to labored breath
Taking all of me, we've already done it in my head
If it's make-believe
Why does it feel like a vow we'll both uphold somehow?
“S-Satoru~”
His liquor soaked breath stutters in the dark
as I work my art on him,
messy kisses to the insides of his thighs,
leaving marks that will only be known to us.
His hands are tangled in my hair loosely,
tightening every moment he feels good.
He refuses to be quiet,
but I couldn’t complain.
“A God amongst men,
and you’re begging for me.”
I state breathlessly,
smirking up at him.
He just hums in pure amusement.
“You always were so cocky~”
he chides,
hips bucking when my lips find his leaking head.
“You were saying?” I ask.
“Mm-mmm~” he says as he pushes my mouth onto his cock.
I can’t help but give him what he wants.
What if he's written "mine" on my upper thigh only in my mind?
One slip and falling back into the hedge maze
Oh, what a way to die
My bedsheets are ablaze, I've screamed his name
Building up like waves crashing over my grave
Without ever touching his skin
How can I be guilty as sin?
Shoko notices the hickey I tried my hardest to cover
almost immediately.
Deny.
Deny.
Deny.
“The girl I was with wasn’t really as careful as I asked her to be.”
I bluffed, laughing.
Her eyes questioned deeper,
but not her voice.
What if I roll the stone away?
They're gonna crucify me anyway
What if the way you hold me is actually what's holy?
If long-suffering propriety is what they want from me
They don't know how you've haunted me so stunningly
I choose you and me religiously
“You know this can’t last forever Satoru.” He says.
I clench my jaw.
Of course I know that.
Why did he feel the need to bring this up again?
His hands are so gently painting my fingernails black.
It was his way of being intimate without having to admit it.
I secretly loved having any trace of him on me that I could get.
I don’t want to respond to him,
I just want to stay here,
at this moment.
Forever.
I never wanted him to stop holding my hands so preciously.
What if he's written "mine" on my upper thigh only in my mind?
One slip and falling back into the hedge maze
Oh, what a way to die
I keep recalling things we never did
Messy top lip kiss, how I long for our trysts
Without ever touching his skin
How can I be guilty as sin?
“At least curse at me a little at the very end.”
His smile is still so soft even with blood everywhere.
I just fall to my knees,
eyes filled with traumas no one should have to see.
“If I had noticed…
If I saw how badly it destroyed you…
would it have changed anything?”
I’m speaking before I can think it through.
“Perhaps…” He coughs, breathing sharp,
“But then again… probably not.”
The tears are falling before I can stop them.
“I’m so sorry.”
I can't get my voice above a whisper.
“It’s not your fault, my one and only.”
My one and only…
He sent me "Downtown Lights"
I hadn't heard it in a while
“Satoru.”
The voice of a ghost speaks from behind me and I falter,
if only for a moment.
Suguru…?
I turn.
I’m trapped again,
but this time it’s real.
Is it really so bad to die if it’s at his hands?
Horror written all over my face-
that’s his body, but that isn’t him.
Am I allowed to cry?
My soul knows otherwise…
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I just think they didn't do Sanji's eyebrows cause they couldn't make it work with the hairstyle they wanted, every Sanji actor looks like a cosplayer, which is not a bad thing when it comes to like live performances on stage or at theme parks, but they're SO clearly wearing wigs LMAO they do not look like "real" people that would exist since that hair (wig) is not natural looking at all (and we all know that Sanji would look wacky with both brows showing, that's why he NEVER shows them in the manga), Netflix is clearly going for realism and Sanji has "realistic" hair which is kinda ironic since One Piece and realism don't really go hand in hand but lol Netflix ¯l_(ツ)_l¯
This same goes for Usopp's nose too, but they have literally NO excuse for removing Sanji's little "beard", that shit should've stayed on since it IS one of the most realistic parts of his design lol but again it's fucking Netflix
Also hot(?) take: I think Oda just designed Sanji to have eyebrows like the spiral in narutomaki cause he found it funny, I think he added the Germa stuff to it later (I think he had a lot of Sanji's story planned out from the get go but judging from his comments he decided Sanji would have siblings much later so I think he also just added more meaning to the brows later)
Anon you cannoooot say "it's just unrealistic looking, all the other Sanjis wear obvious wigs" when Nami and Zoro are wearing the most obvious wigs ever. It has nothing to do with realism, Zoro's hair is bright green for god's sake. If a cosplayer on a $15 budget can add the literal key trait of Sanji's design, Netflix could've found a way to do it on a million dollar budget - possibly even with a more natural look!
I'm not going to lie I'm extremely sick of these excuses that everyone is just making up FOR Netflix, like can we just be in agreement it was honestly disappointing and lazy to remove a physical feature a LOT of people recognise Sanji for. A feature that is so easy to add. You can be excited for it while also going "Wow, that kinda sucks!"
Removing a feature of a character that he's literally recognised for in canon universe, that he gets nick names for and pointed at for MULTIPLE times, is just an extremely disappointing move by Netflix - especially considering it is currently story relevant in the original property right now. They just wanted to make him a conventionally attractive man without any of the design choices that actually make him stand out.
Sanji's eyebrows are also literally meant to be weird, if they look uncanny then that's kind of literally the point. It's why he gets made fun of for them.
Once again, this has nothing to do with the actors at all. They do not control their costumes lol.
Also my hot take here is, if you want to make a show with physical realism, why in the world would you EVER pick one piece to adapt for that 😭
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