#plus now i just have python i guess

[spicebiter]

Returning to my roots (modhacking 3ds)

[katiefrog217]

Walks with Aziraphale were always so amusing, especially when he took one of his different forms. Tonight, Crowley took note of a few different reactions:

1. Much to his bemusement, quite a few people crossed the road entirely just to avoid him (he didn't know why, he thought this particular form was very charming).

2. Those who didn't avoid them either didn't notice at all, or cooed adoringly at his companion. A few snake enthusiasts tried their best to impart advice upon him (Yes, he was aware it was a chilly night to have a python outside. Yes, he was aware that he had a few extra rolls on him, and he would appreciate it if they didn't body shame him, please and thank you).

3. He had a particularly interesting encounter with a stranger who tried his best to buy Aziraphale from him (he didn't know whether to laugh or be offended on his companion's behalf when the person subsequently dropped their price offering upon learning he was male. He turned them down, of course).

This just in: local vampire hunter tries his hardest to look cool in front of his crush.

I said soon and I guess I meant now haha.

I could help but draw Crowley and Aziraphale from @mrghostrat 's new Vampire AU (thanks for the permission btw!!) and I'll be damned if I couldn't pass up the opportunity to draw Ball Python Azi after being deeply entrenched in Ball python morphs and drawing them for the past few years.

I'm also a big sucker (har har) for any kind of vampire au, so I was incredibly excited to draw this!! I'm still not confident in my ability to draw Crowley (or jackets oof) but I tried.

On that, while I have ya'll here, a few fun facts about Ball Pythons and Morphs:

Azi looks to me to be based on a Blue Eyed Lucy (Leucistic) ball python. Leucistic is different from Albino - both lack pigment, but Leucistics only lack pigments in parts, rather than entirely like with Albinism. The fastest way to tell the difference is the eye color.

Blue Eyed Lucies have eye colors that range from Black to Blue - blue obviously being the more popular eye color.

The whiter the snake, the more sought after it is (not all Lucies are pure white, depends on the morph combo)

Unlike a majority of ball python morphs, Blue Eyed Lucies don't have a distinct gene combo that defines them. Generally, their morphs included Mocha, Mojave, Lesser, Butter, etc. The combos are generally endless. A Super Mojave (Mojave bred to Mojave) will produce a fairly grey/white snake, but their heads tend to be a very dusty grey, and isn't an ideal combo for a Lucy.

A snake that seems incredibly white when hatched may change color as it ages and become less white. This is common for all morphs, and their patterns define themselves and get stronger with age.

In breeding, males are generally less desired than females, and run at a lower price generally. This is because a single male can breed multiple females, so it's less effective to have more males in a clutch than females.

Obesity in snakes IS a real thing, and generally hard to manage if you do have an obese snake. Snakes tend to retain weight well, so exercise is really the only method to help bring their weight down (plus smaller meals). Good luck if you have an obese snake that isn't particularly inclined to be active.

Ball Pythons generally tend to have what's called a 1,000 gram wall - in which a snake that hits 1k grams stops eating and will not gain more weight. No one is 100% sure why this phenomena happens, but it's incredibly common.

Not a fact but opinion: Paradox ball Pythons are my favorite morph. If you want to see some incredibly interesting genetics, look them up.

[kaveat]

Spoilers for Pjo now I guess. Never thought I’d have to type that out.

I have a feral urge to write a fanfic from the perspective of Olympus while all the events of Pjo where going down.

Like what were the political standings like when it was Zeus vs Posiden and it looked like another war was about to break out?

What were the Gods relations with one another and what were their relationships like with the other nymphs and Saytrs and Minor Gods that live on that mountain?

I know Hades isn’t really close with anyone on Olympus but do Zeus and Posiden have any sort of relationship with their sisters?

What about Hephaestus and Ares. They weren’t on good terms in the myths but Aphrodites story is presented a lot differently in the books from traditional Greek hyms.

How is Ares and Zeus’ relationship. It must be pretty strong if Zeus doesn’t punish him for switching over to Kronos side just for the sake of starting a war when Apollo interacting with one of his descendants to give Octavian his blessings was punished as badly as him killing the cyclopses or killing Python, and overthrowing Zeus.

What about the girls? Do Athena and Artemis get along? They’ve both taken vows of chastity and are both adept in weapons and fighting (plus they both piss of Aphrodite, if that’s not something to bond over then what is)

Like I need to know how they all interact with each over, who they like and dislike and why?

I also would love to see how trauma affects their view of the world.

I mean Demeter, Hestia, Hera, Hades, Posiden and Zeus’ father tried to murder them when they were born so I imagine their judgment on healthy household relations is understandably skewed.

And then there’s the next generation.

Athena, Aries, Hephaestus, Artemis and Apollo.

Athena is canonically the golden child in the myths so how does that affect her?

She tried to overthrow Zeus in the myths so there’s clearly some tension there. Does she like being his favourite child or does she despise the pressure constantly placed on her to conform to an unreachable standard of perfection?

And What about Ares and Hephaestus? Hera considered them both embarrassments in different ways. Of course the infamous story of Hephaestus’ birth and how ugly he was, but then there’s Ares who is constantly in his sisters shadow despite them both being Gods of war.

It would’ve shamed Hera in those times to have a son who looses out to the bastard child of one of Zeus flings, but to have two sons both be subpar compared to the kids Zeus had with other woman?

That’s gotta create some rivalry for daddy’s favourite, and maybe a silent understanding between Ares and his brother.

And then we have the twins. Apollo who looking at all his attributes is definitely suffering from some sort of burnout as well as his father constantly punishing him with lightning probably some resentment there and maybe even some towards Artemis.

As far as we know she’s never been in trouble with Zeus despite ‘meddling in mortal affairs’ by helping Leo and Piper. Again maybe something to do with favouritism Zeus seems very partial to the woman in his family. Plus she doesn’t spend a lot of time on Olympus, maybe she’s as silently resentful as Apollo.

Though we see her worrying for him in blood of Olympus and he breaks the ancient ‘no meddling’ laws in Titans curse in order to help save her. So they’re clearly close, but I don’t think she knows about the lightning thing. I’m not sure if Zeus punishes just Apollo with it, though we hear no mention of any of the other gods experiencing physical abuse from their father.

Then we have the youngest and most recent generation (I’m splitting them into their own category cause they’re the only major gods to be birthed by humans)

Dionysus and Hermes.

We see in sea of monsters that Hermes doesn’t seem to really find joy in his position as a god anymore, maybe the stuff he did used to be fun but it’s gotten monotonous, even stressful with how much stuff he has to do and with no one to help.

Honestly maybe that’s a bonding experience? Him and Apollo silently lamenting about how exhausted they are by all their jobs?

And Dionysus. He seems to be seen as some sort of perpetual joke by Zeus, at least in the books. I mean why else give such a long winded and honestly disproportional response for such a minor action.

I mean even Apollos punishment (though being a lot worse) only lasted a couple months.

And the thing I haven’t even touched on with Hermes and Dionysus being from human descent. Do they miss their old lives?

Hermes had only been born a couple days before he was sent to Olympus, but still, it wasn’t as though he could bring his mother with him. Does he miss her? Or see her as some stranger he left behind. Did he mourn her death? Did Dionysus mourn his own mother. Was he angry with Zeus when he learnt his own father was the reason for her death? If he did what could he do about it?

And Dionysus spent years in the human realm (depending on which myths you look at) did he have friends? Lovers? How did he feel when they died and he continued to live on?

The Gods are left relatively untouched despite being such a large part of the series and it’s events, even ToA doesn’t give us a lot more than what audience already knew from myths and reading previous books.

They’re so intriguing to me because there’s something so human about their actions despite how vehemently they’d probably claim against it. In some ways they’re almost identical to people and it makes me slightly insane that we’ll never get to know everything about them all and the lives they led before the events of the series in modern New York.

[memedical-attention]

I’ve been thinking about this for a little while — something I’d want to do if I had the time and money would be to design a Motorola 68000-powered tiny (10” or smaller) laptop. Modern CMOS 68K implementations are very power-efficient and decently well-suited to handheld and portable devices (see: TI-92 series), and if combined with a crisp, modern monochrome OLED display, could get you days of continuous usage without needing a recharge! Add a few megabytes of RAM, some peripherals (IDE/CF controller, ISA or S-100 slots, DMA controller, SPI bus, RS-232 port, SD or CF slot, PS/2 port for a mouse, text mode + hires monochrome video card, etc…), and you have a nice, flexible system that can be rarely charged, doesn’t require ventilation, and can be just thick enough to fit the widest port or slot on it.

The main issue would be software support: nearly all existing operating systems that ran on a 68K were either intended for very specific hardware (Classic Mac OS, AmigaOS) or required more than a flat 68000 (NetBSD, Linux, or any other UNIX requiring MMU paging). So, it would probably end up being a custom DOS with some multitasking and priv level capability, or perhaps CP/M-68K (but I don’t know how much software was ever written for that — also, it provides a “bare minimum” hardware abstraction of a text-mode console and disk drive). A custom DOS, with a nice, standard C library capable of running compiled software, would probably be the way to go.

The software question perhaps raises another, harder question: What would I use this for? Programming? Then I’d want a text editor, maybe vi(m) or something like that. OK. Vim just needs termcap/(n)curses or whatever to draw the text, and not much else. That’s doable! You’d just need to provide text-mode VT100 emulation and termcap/curses should “just work” without too much issue. I like writing C, so I’d need a compiler. Now, I’m assuming this simplistic operating system would be entirely written in a combination of assembly language (to talk to hardware and handle specific tasks such as switching processes and privilege management and whatnot) and C (to handle most of the logic and ABI). I could probably cross-compile GCC and be good to go, aside from handling library paths and executable formats that don’t comply with POSIX (I have no intention of making yet another UNIX-like system). Hopefully, most other command-line software (that I actually use) will follow suit without too much trouble. I don’t know how much work it is to get Python or Lua to a new platform (though NetBSD on the 68K already supports both), but Python (or Lua) support would bring a lot of flexibility to the platform. Despite me being a Python hater, I must admit it’s quite an attractive addition.

What about graphics? All the software I’ve mentioned so far is text-mode only, yet historical 68K-based systems like the Mac and Amiga had beautiful graphics! Implementing X11 would be a massive pain in the ass, considering how much it relies on UNIXy features like sockets (not to mention the memory usage), and I really don’t want Wayland to have anything to do with this. I guess I’d have to roll my own graphics stack and window manager to support a WIMP interface. I could copy Apple’s homework there: they also made a monochrome graphics interface for a M68K configured with a handful of MiB of RAM. I could probably get a simple compositing window manager (perhaps make it tiling for a modern vibe ;3). Overall, outside of very simple and custom applications, functionality with real software would be problematic. Is that a big problem? Maybe I want an underpowered notebook I can put ideas and simple scripts down on, then flesh them out more fully later on. An operating system allowing more direct access to the hardware, plus direct framebuffer access, could yield some pretty cool graphing/basic design utility.

I’d need a way to communicate with the outside world. An RS-232 UART interface, similar to the HP-48 calculator (or the TI-92’s GraphLink, only less proprietary) would help for providing a remote machine language monitor in the early stages, and a real link to a more powerful (and networked) machine later on. I think real networking would defeat the purpose of the machine — to provide a way to remove yourself from modern technology and hardware, while retaining portability, reliability, and efficiency of modern semiconductor manufacturing techniques. Giving it a CF or SD slot could provide a nice way to move files around between it and a computer, maybe providing software patches. A floppy drive would be amazing: it would provide a way to store code and text, and would be just about the right storage size for what I want to do. Unfortunately, there’s not really a good way to maintain the size of the laptop while sticking a 3.5” (or worse, 5.25”) floppy drive in the middle of it. To my knowledge, 3.5” floppy drives never got thin enough to properly fit with all the other expansion slots, socketed components, and user-modifiable parts I’d want. A completely solid-state design would likely be the best option.

Anyway, uhh… I hope this made some semblance of sense and I don’t sound insane for going on a rant about building a modern computer with a 1979 CPU.

[your-local-squip-fanatic]

You know what, I have had zero motivation for writing, BMC is eating my brain, and figuring out what to do with DLAU is killing me. So I say screw it, I'm sharing some of my plans.

Lester's Connection to Commodus- This whole plotline is why I dread STL, Save the Light (No, I did not get it from SU, I forgot that game even existed. It's not even the finalized title). I STILL don't know how exactly to handle it. Basically, I wanted Lester to have SOME personal stake when it came to the emperors, even more than Eliza. So I came up with this: back in ancient times, Lester had an ancestor named Belenus that wandered Greece and, against the advice of his father, went to Rome. Angry at how the gods had been changed, he tried and failed to speak against it, and was sentenced to be a gladiator. Praying to Apollo every day for release, Belenus eventually got good enough that Marcus Aurelius thought about letting him free.

Then. Y'know. He died and Commodus became emperor, and we know that Commodus fought gladiators all the time. Eventually Belenus had to fight Commodus, and was unsurprisingly killed. With his dying breath, he cursed Commodus, saying that the last face he would see would see would be his own. That is, Belenus'. A thousand years later, guess who looks nearly exact to Belenus and has become Commodus' big target, just as important as Apollo?

At first, Lester obviously CANNOT hope to fight Commodus. He tries this, he gets his ass kicked. Again while defending the Waystation and would've been decapitated by the emperor if not for Apollo managing to reveal his godly form. In BMR, Lester's toughened up and out for blood after Jason's death (yea, he goes from sweet to murderous after the yacht infiltration. Buckle up boi) and can actually manage Commodus better until he gets stabbed IN THE DAMN LIVER AND IS HOLDING ON TO HIS THREAD FOR DEAR LIFE FOR APOLLO'S SAKE. That fight is one I really look forward to.

Admittedly yeah, kinda needless plotline with Belenus but STILL. I'm figuring things out, so not everything is final.

The Scene We Don't Talk About- You know it. I just mentioned it. Again, not everything in this post is final, take this with a grain of salt.

Jason's death is going to be a huge moment development wise for Lester too. As I said, in the aftermath Lester will become hellbent on killing Caligula- whether or not he gets to, idk yet, but I have a funny idea for if Lester does:

Caligula: I'm still alive! (gets killed by Lester)

Lester: Not anymore, you're not.

Yep. Lester changes DRASTICALLY after the yacht stuff. But funny enough, the whole sequence is one of those that I don't need to change much but I also have to change a lot of it. It's still very early in planning, but the idea right now is Lester eventually has to race over to boat twelve in order to save them, fails, endures the heart stabbing thing by Apollo (they share wounds if they're serious enough!), see Jason die, try to attack Caligula, and end up nearly dying fron pandai arrows to save Piper and Apollo. Lester's last conscious words to Apollo after three arrows in back and being drifted to safety by Tempest are: "You would've done it too."

Apollo's changing a bit, and Lester sees that. He's trying to help that change along the best he can and support Apollo after such a horrible event.

The Final Battle For Delphi: Apollo and Lester VS Python- Ohhh man. At first when making DLAU, I figured that I'd omit this as I didn't think I could fit Lester in the fight. But after careful planning, I realized I possibly could- but maaaan, it wasn't going to end well. Lester simply isn't built the same as Apollo by this point (he has his glowy gold eyes back by now! In Lester's body!!) and is reduced to a bloody, broken mess once we get to the part with Chaos. He fights hard beforehand, but Python is just WAY too much for him, plus, y'know, they're in a volcanic atmosphere or something?! (I need to re-read ToA soon, goodness.)

Of course, Apollo takes a hell of a beating too, but he's not the one on death's doorstep. As he's turning back into his golden godly form, he's weeping and DESPERATELY trying to heal Lester. Of course, because happy ending, Lester does survive by the skin of his teeth thanks to what healing Apollo could manage, though was hospitalized for a while. He later reunites with his demigod pals and shares a happy cry with Apollo once they see each other.

The ending will be much of the same as in canon ToA, but it ends with Lester finally going back to his parents, his family, and embracing his quirks about himself. The message from the ending is one that I think is too relevant to not share now, given what's happened.

Lester breaks the fourth wall a bit, telling the reader that everything that happened was indeed true. He reflects a bit on the insane adventure he had to go through to get a second shot at life, and tells us not to squander ours, since we're not as lucky to be given two chances- we get one, and that's final. A few words from him about accepting and loving yourself, stuff he wished he had before, and basically tells us to not be afraid to be ourselves and stand up for what we believe in, that no evil will persevere forever, and that ANYONE can make a difference. After all, without him, Apollo couldn't have made it back to Olympus.

And of course, his eternal words of wisdom that to this day I am so damn proud over: "Hope to see the sun rise."

There we go! There's just a few. If you're interested to hear about my other plans for scenes I'll change or add, don't be shy and ask!

[miqo-tales]

Patch seven point one and done

Back to posting my stray thoughts (and my sass) about the XIV patches. As always, don't look unless you've gone through the latest patch content.

MSQ

"I killed your older brother a few dozen times until he dropped a set of cool looking wings" was, weirdly, not a dialogue option for what I've been doing lately, so I had to pick a different response.

It's a bold move to invite to your beloved ruler's funeral the people that were responsible for her "death" and the subsequent dismantling of your societal and emotional training wheels.

Also, sorry, but I can't help but laugh at them creating a special black version of the regulator for a funeral. And on top of that, to jump ahead some, it's even limited edition?

(Is there a red version that revives you 3 times faster? How about a glow-in-the-dark one?)

Didn't take long for new dungeon to become depressing.

So did that Echo come from the tural vidraal's memories, or from a soul implanted in it? Cause if the latter, I can't imagine it being anyone but Teeshal Ja.

Trains! Honestly, not a whole lot to say about this entire sequence. I'm glad they're addressing the issue with the rroneek, since I thought it was weird that they kinda glossed over it during the 7.0 story.

Also, all the stuff with Koana is fine, I guess. He really jumped into the deep end of "I will save the rroneek" and really fast. It's a bit campy, but it's also pretty in-character for him, I think.

Back to Solution 9. Once again, I can't help but laugh at Wuk Lamat being disappointed that the Alexandrians haven't completely adjusted to the reality of death in the, like, hour or so that we were off playing with trains.

Joking aside, I don't know if it's intentional by the devs, but I like how sudden and jarring it is that Sphene is back. Cause no one but Wuk Lamat and you are surprised by it, and the cold stares from everyone when you try to challenge it help to sell it.

Still, no idea where they're going with this. We're in setup-land for now, and just have to ride it out for a bit.

And then we get another example of "no one ever fucking dies". So, seems likely this is genuine real girl Sphene, somehow? I dunno if I like it, but I will say it is kinda brilliant because during the Alexandria dungeon, the dialogue says "They did it, they preserved the queen's" before it's cut off. And by that point in the game, you assume they meant "memories". But, apparently, not just that.

YUWEYAWATA FIELD STATION

Devs wanted to get their Resident Evil on, huh? (Or Biohazard for them.)

I was surprised that there doesn't appear to be any dialogue about the people still in the containers.

Raise your hand if you quoted Monty Python when you saw the final boss.

o/

I honestly love how much trouble people are having with the second and third bosses. I don't think I've ever seen so many deaths in a dungeon.

JEUNO

Fun!

I wish we could have seen a little of Xarcabard, cause I always thought that zone was cool (no pun intended), but no big deal.

This raid is a good example of why players really need to learn to recognize visual and audio cues and patterns.

I'm not too keen on the story premise of it so far though. I dunno if I like the "this is a fake Vana'diel" angle, plus I don't really understand how Sareel Ja survived? But we'll see. It's likely that Alxaal is not a simulacrum, so we'll see if more genuine things cross over later.

PELUPELU SOCIETY

I don't usually comment on these quest lines, but I was amused they brought back the bandit guy from the MSQ. And I liked the possible responses when he first sees you.

**********************************************

Not much to say about this overall. The first patch of an expansion is usually a bit weird, so we just have to let the writers cook, as they say.

I'm just glad the FFXI raid is fun. Like, genuinely fun, not just nostalgic fun.

[skysometric]

you went on a big asking spree asking about everyone's favorite games, but I'm curious... did you have a favorite album, TV show, or movie this year?

an EXCELLENT question! but my answers my be a little disappointing, because...

Favorite Movie of 2023

i don't... really watch movies? they don't capture my interest or investment like games do. this isn't for lack of trying over the years, i've been exposed to many different genres; i just don't click with the format, i guess. i think of them like the average boomer thinks of games – they're cute little distractions and not much else.

there's definitely a few movies that i like and stand out as formative memories, i just don't go out of my way to watch more. even before the pandemic i would only ever go to the theaters like once a year, and for most of the pandemic i can't say i watched anything even digitally.

...but that did change this year! my partner and i watched both Sonic movies and the Mario movie at home, and of the three i can safely say i enjoyed Sonic 2 the most! i like what it was trying to do with its two stories intertwined, and it gave Sonic and friends a lot of time to shine both in action and characterization. plus the finale was super cool~

i do have a handful of films i want to watch one day... but it's kind of a "whenever i feel like it" basis. the ghibli films are high on the list, as are the monty python films and the truman show. maybe i could revisit ferris bueller's day off now that i'm an adult...?

Favorite TV Show of 2023

...i also don't really watch tv?? am i boring???

i mean, historically, i've gotten more into tv than movies. i like the long continuous plot threads, i like getting to know characters in detail, i like slice of life and comedy and cartoons. i have fond memories of watching sonic x, spongebob, survivor, and mythbusters growing up!

but like, as an adult i've never seen the office, or steven universe, or adventure time... and i'm in no rush to, they're just not really priority for me. i can't even think of other shows i might want to watch. idk!

i tried to watch some anime at one point but that didn't really do me either? i guess i had some fun watching squid girl a few years back... i think i just get understimulated by just watching things, vs playing them.

confusingly, you know what i do get into? livestreams and let's plays. so my weird, cop-out answer of "favorite series" is that i've been really enjoying Chuggaaconroy's let's play of pokemon bw2. his let's plays have gotten me caught up with a series that i wasn't "allowed" to play as a kid... i guess that's part of why watching someone play a game isn't as understimulating to me?

Favorite Album of 2023

you can probably guess where this is going – i don't really listen to music that plays on the radio or gets recommended by spotify. i have good reason for this one though: music with lyrics is overstimulating to me in specific circumstances, like when i'm working (always) or driving (the only time i'd use the radio).

but wait, movies are understimulating, even though there's talking... and music with lyrics is overstimulating, even though there's nothing to watch... argh! i don't even understand myself!!

either way i usually put on video game music, because that helps me focus at work, and (usually) doesn't have lyrics in it. i'm aware there's plenty of great instrumental music outside of just games, but games already have so much variety and quality to their osts – i've rarely ever had to seek out more! my music collection is already big enough!

my favorite album to listen to this year has been the music that plays in the cyberspace stages of Sonic Frontiers. the full game's ost is MASSIVE and incredibly diverse in styles, but the hardcore EDM of the cyberspace stages is extremely my style. and the remixes they added in the dlc are some of the best ones! been listening to the full playlist multiple times a week all year to power through some rough work days, and it still hasn't gotten old 💖

[unpopularly-opinionated]

This is a bit of a brag post, but in my quest to archive digital media to keep for myself, I’ve successfully cobbled together a program that automatically goes through Marvel Comics on their website and screenshots individual pages before saving them in a folder and moves onto the next one. It took me all night but fuck it, it works now. Still has one minor kink to work out but I’m gonna save that for tomorrow.

But yeah, they made it rather difficult for me because I thought it was going to be as simple as saving the images as they load into my browser, but instead of actually loading the images, Marvel has created this little applet in JS so the images aren’t so much being loaded directly into my browser as they are the applet. I’m not sure if they meant it as anti-piracy, or if it’s just a coincidental bonus for them since I think the purpose of the applet is for their whole “guided reading” feature which goes through each page panel-by-panel to help you know what direction to read everything in I guess. Anyways, this would’ve been easy as shit for me because JS is probably the language I’m most comfortable with, but oh well, fuck me I guess. Pirating can’t be easy, now can it.

So alternatively I had to resort to screenshotting a specific portion of my screen and saving them as PNGs myself. This meant I had to use Python which… I know how to use, but fuck me if it isn’t always finicky to use. Dozens of pip errors to deal with because no matter how often I download Python, I apparently do it wrong every time. Anywho, their whole system is in JS, and it hangs a fair bit and can be slow as shit. Not to mention, there’s this obnoxious page turning animation that has to play out which IMO they should have a button to disable that seeing as it can cause the program to lag which wouldn’t be great for slower systems, but I digress. So I needed to throw in a bunch of sleep timers to keep the program running smoothly.

The hard part was actually having to interface with the browser in order to both copy the title of the comic book so I could name my folders after them, as well as clicking the button to load up the next comic. Seeing as how this website requires a login, loading it up on a proxy browser was kind of difficult, plus in all my years of attempting to fuck with proxy browsers I have NEVER gotten Selenium to work no matter what I do so that’s fun. So anyways, I said fuck that, and found a workaround using Chrome and their debug mode port. So now I have basically a debug-version of Chrome open on my screen which is able to be interfaced with via code. Pretty neat stuff that I learned today.

I would say downsides that I have to work through:

1. Even though I technically have it set to stop the program when I press ESC, I actually set it up wrong for the loop so I can’t easily end the loop once I’ve started it. Gotta kill the terminal for that. Oops.

2. The minor kink I mentioned is very rarely I encounter a two-page spread which isn’t accounted for since it’s programmed to screenshot a very specific section of my screen and that’s it. Unfortunately, in order to fix that, I’m likely going to have to deal with shit like pixel detection which I dabbled with eons ago but didn’t quite manage to get to do what I wanted it to do last time. Hopefully this time is different.

3. It’s also set with a hard number of 25 screenshots per comic because I found on average (at least for the series I’m currently running it on) there were about 21-22 pages per issue. After that, it screenshots the end page several times in a row, but I have it set to determine based on hash values if there are duplicate photos in the folder and then delete those so that part is fine. It’s just that if I encounter a comic with more than 25 pages in it, the program is FUCKED as it will mess up all future iterations of the program. I mean on the bright side, ideally it’ll kill the program which conveniently solves problem #1 lmao.

[artoria2e5]

Some code I've been meaning to perfect, but don't have the energy to.

I know this is a very sharp departure from what I used to post. I haven't had the energy to take them for a while; plus I'm fat now. Sorry about that. There was a good time when my boobs were big and the belly not as round -- more like triple-stacked -- but come on. We don't post nipples on this site.

I also didn't have enough energy to follow through on many of my things. A lot of them are still VERY USEFUL things to me at least, but everything's just too much of a drain. There's a possibility of someone also finding these things useful, so I figured a blog post will help make them somewhat findable with a search engine.

Well, I suppose GitHub pages would be a better place. But I've already got kind of a blog here...

Windows argument passing in node and cygwin

Python plistlib for openstep formats

Windows argument passing

The thing about command-line on Windows is that it's the wild west. Programs do not actually receive an argv[] array like you have been conditioned by C to believe; instead they get a "cmdline" string to do whatever the hell they want with it.

Still, in that sea of insanity, there is one constant. Regular programmers are lazy. They just use whatever the runtime library does with the command line. In these cases you get a somewhat predictable behavior -- "somewhat", because even amount Microsoft runtimes the behavior differs -- and you can write some sort of an escaping function.

Beyond the runtime, cmd.exe also has its own understanding of how quoting works. Most disgustingly, it understands where double-quoted parts start and end differently from msvcrt. I've got a trick for that.

Node

The node PR, at https://github.com/nodejs/node/pull/29576, is focused on quoting. It's got proper quoting for bash, pwsh, and cmd + msvcrt. It's got very strong test cases (throw them at other people's things: they might break!) and good documentation. What it didn't have is communication and rizz. You're advised to skip to the "files changed" tab.

The cmd "trick" is explained at https://github.com/Artoria2e5/node/blob/c0a6aff35cd3ff6d3bd0e3687776158e97466c93/lib/child_process.js#L850. The gist is that msvcrt and .NET treats two double-quotes as if it's an escaped double-quote. It's undocumented, sure, but Microsoft's own code relies on it.

doc/api/child_process.md has a good chunk of text explaining how Windows cmdline works and who deviates from the norm. And that leads to our next suspect: Cygwin.

Cygwin

Cygwin is the way to run POSIX things on Windows these days. Sure there's MSYS2, but guess what? It's a Cygwin fork. If you are using the official Windows build of git, you're using MSYS2, which in turn means you're using Cygwin code.

Cygwin is not msvcrt, obviously. But what's less obvious is that it doesn't process cmdline the same way. That bites you HARD when you want to run a Cygwin program on a file with weird characters.

The patchset at https://github.com/mirror/newlib-cygwin/pull/5, formerly a botched e-mail exchange ending with me being too tired to split the patchset (come on, it's almost impossible to have intermediate stages that build, let alone work!), was my answer to the problem. It rewrites the cmdline parser to be msvcrt-compatible, while still keeping the Unix-style globbing and @-expansion features.

It's fucking awesome is what it was. It's written in C++ with in-place processing. What else can you ask for.

Oh, in case you want to know what my current answer to the problem is: roll into a ball and cry.

Openstep plistlib

So if you use an Apple product and do things that Apple don't really like you to do, you have probably came across a "plist". Nowadays plists are either an opaque binary file or a very wordy XML. Back in the good old days plists were not like that at all: they read more like JSON, except they only supported strings and dicts.

Python's plistlib does not care about the old style. It should, because it's fucking beautiful. It's also as functional as the new stuff is, as long as you use the GNUStep extensions.

I wrote a Python package to do just that (or did I? does it work yet?). https://github.com/Artoria2e5/text-plistlib As far as I can recall it works on a round-trip smoke test, but some extension decisions needed to be hammered out. It uses tatsu though, so there's no chance of getting into the plistlib part of the standard library.

I think I've also got some other things related to this plist format open somewhere. I wanted to write a parser for opencore to cut down on this XML misery, but COME ON IT'S C. I can't even keep track of a plain recursive descent parser in Python (why else am I using a parser generator?), to do it in C? No way. I'm also too lazy to learn yacc, thank you very much.

Other things

something about https://marc.info/?l=openssh-unix-dev&m=168509072920594&w=2

Dream the DRM receiver/broadcaster has bad Opus options. Dev said I should open a branch. I think I can't, because I can't even get the official binary to run. I also lost my slightly illegal SDR kit.

I've definitely forgotten older things.

[distantpagesandpapercuts]

"Yeah yeah yeah- always waiting for the other shoe to drop, yannow? Burn out is exactly what it is. But like- I guess it's what I signed up for, no?"

Her chuckle is a bit humorless, he didn't know the half of it. Oh well. People do what they need to to survive. That's exactly what she was doing.

Surviving in this shit fucking situation.

Leaning against the rail still, she crosses one leg over another, trying to get comfortable as they wait. It was a pleasant evening, the alcohol from earlier warming her face in the cool evening breeze.

Strange, she hadn't expected him to actually just put it in his phone now. Deep down she had that feeling that he'd just accepted it to be nice- but... then her phone beeps in her pocket and she pulls it out. Seeing his name and little message. To which she sort of side eyes him with a lopsided grin.

Her fingers input his contact in her phone as he speaks. Sending him a few snake emoji's in the process.

"You should. When we both have the free time, I'd love to have you. There's Mara, Pearl, and Serpico. Mara is my hognose, Pearl is a blizzard corn snake, and Serpico is a green tree python. On the smaller side of course. Can't keep huge ones in the apartment. Not enough room for the huge tanks. Here- I'll-" His phone buzzes with three attachments from her. In the order of which they are named.

"Fantastic right? Plus with all the lamps and humidity I can keep plants in their cages too. They like the foliage and I like the green. So it all works out."

@smokes-and-bullets

"I could be very wrong here but sounds like you're burnt out, maybe all you need is a long break and it'll help you know?"

Understood what she meant, there was always something going on and once they thought there was peace or a chance to have it, something else happens.

"I get that.. I think... You think you finally have a moment to yourself and are looking forward to it but something else happens and you just have to deal with it. Short lived moment of possible respite, or something like that.."

Shakes his head at her notion of complaining.

"Nah, I get what you're saying or I think I do.. Life can be exhausting sometimes really.."

Humming to himself as she scribbled down her name and number for him. Looking down at the paper before pocketing it, pulling out his phone and inputting the information she gave him to save. Once the info was placed he sent her a text stating his name and he was sitting next to her as a lame joke.

"Snakes can be beautiful, different array of colors and designs. I think they're cute too, something about their little faces is just too adorable. I'd love to meet your snakes, have quite a little brood don't you, three snakes. What are their names?"

Chuckles at her comment in regards to texting her and points at his point.

"Already did darling, way ahead of you. I'd love to see photo's of them if you have any now."

[boozenboze]

I've been thinking about this, so basically what about the 141 reacting to the reader who used to work either really dangerous reptiles? Like he used to be a snake handler, or crocodile wrester stuff like that, also he has a ton of scars from tho past jobs. Thank you 😊

Tf 141 x ex!Herpetologist!pMale reader

Summary:While on patrol you and the rest of 141 run into a rattlesnake.They are suprised when you tame it and you later have to explain that you usef to work with reptiles

Females She/Her snd She/They DNI

Before you joined the military you used to be a zoologist.Specifcslly a herpetologist since you worked with reptiles.You’ve worked with aligators,snakes,iguanas,any reptilian that comes to mind you’ve worked with.After a few years of doing that you quit your job since you wanted to do something more thrilling.So thats why you joined the military.

A few years had passed since you joined and during that time you had joined Task Force 141.When Price first saw your file the first thing he found was interesting about you was your past occupation.He does still question why someone of your previous occupation would wanna transition to something so dangerous.It was your decision though so he didn’t have much reason to judge.It was also mentioned that you had a snake with you as well.

When you met the rest of Task Force Soap, Gaz took an immediate liking to you. They asked a lot about your previous profession and you were happy to inform them. Gaz was quite nervous when you said that you had your own snake with you. Apparently, you owned a 20ft Burmese python and it was currently just slithering around in your room. That is one of the most dangerous snakes in existence for wuite obvious reasons.They would’ve thought it would be a disadvantage to have such a large animal with you but that wasn’t the case. Your snake was big enough to crush a fully grown adult which was helpful if an enemy was overpowering you.

When they first saw your python they thought it was very beautiful.Ghost secretly wanted to hold it when he saw how it wrapped loosely around your neck.You gave them all a chance to pet it and they learned that despite your snakes size it was very friendly.It gave Soaps face a few kisses and even wrapped around Gaz.Ghost just stood there watching them interact with the snake

"Damn this dude is heavy."Gaz wheezed as you took your snake back.You looked over at Ghost who was staring intently at your snake so you brought it up to him and asked.

"You wanna hold em?"Ghost looked at you then back at the snake who was staring into his soul.He nodded as M/n stood closer to him,allowing the snake to slither around the tall mans shoulders.Ghost eyes visibly softened as the snake pressed its nose against his mask before licking it.

"I guess he likes you ey L.T?”Soap asked as Ghost murmured a yes.

"Listen he may be friendly now but the bastard has bit me on occasion.Hell the bastard bit my inner thigh cause I wasn't paying him no mind."You explained which made them blush.The thought of you having marks on your thighs,hell Even anywhere brought some dirty thoughts to their heads.

“Ya think we could see em some time?”Soap asked suggestively as you laughed in response.

“Maybe another time,plus it’s A LOT of scars that I have.”You explained as they hummed in response.

“I gotta go feed this fellow before he decides to have a human snack,I’ll see y’all later.”You waved them off while taking your snake with you.Now there is only one thing that is left for you to know.

Sooner or later that snake won’t be the only thing leaving marks

[fireemblems24]

Chapter 8 of Scarlet Blaze

Spoilers for up to Ch 8 beneath the cut. This chapter fucking sucked.

Also, I know I tagged this as SB, but be warned this was pretty critical of it. If anyone is actually still browsing tag and thinks I should remove it, I will.

STORY

Hell, yeah, Dimitri was taking names.

This plot is . . . kinda stupid. I feel like Edelgard is just running back and forth the whole time, accomplishing nothing.

LAMO, Omg, she just straight-up blamed all the deaths from the previous battle on . . . Claude 😂

Edelgard really be like "Why did Claude make me hit him!"

I'm pretty sure the writers didn't intend for SB to read like a Monty Python skit, but Edelgard has less self-awareness than Sir Lancelot when he kept apologizing for slaughtering the wedding party because at least that he was aware enough to apologize.

Oh, Randolph. So how many times does he die this time?

So, like, does Shez want people to get executed if they flip sides? He's like, geeze, how dare Claude and Dimitri forgive people.

Shez is like "I don't understand a word you say Edelgard, but I'm helping you slaughter your way across Fodlan because you may rub off on me!" More "SB is a comedy in disguise" fuel.

I wish I picked F!Shez for every route. I like her VA a lot more. Plus, I've seen this personality on a male character in the countless number of shonen anime and manga I've watched/read, but not as much in a woman. And unlike M!Byleth who's gorgeous, M!Shez is alright, but not super hot or anything.

So Lindhart mentioned that the Kingdom and Alliance can rally against the Empire because of the relics and crests. And like, I don't see how killing Rhea will make that power vanish and people not desperately want it. I feel like so much of Edelgard's spiel is an edgelord's power fantasy with no basis in reality.

This soldier is like "Dimitri labeled everyone who sided with his uncle as guilty in the tragedy of Duscur!" Lamo. Except it's true. Would've been interesting if it wasn't and see how Dimitri handled that. I sometimes wish he got more grey situations bc the writing in Hopes so far he's just . . . the good guy. Like straight-up the hero, no questions. Which, I love because at heart that's what Dimitri is, but I wish the writing would corner him anyways.

Oh, fuck. It's Sylvain. Oh fuck. I don't want to fight him. That sucked.

Count Rowe is being a backstabbing moron. I love how it's always the evil ones that side with Edelgard. It's an underrated thing no one talks about.

And now I have to fight Rodrigue :( Feels bad, killing Blue Lions+ members for the crime of defending themselves.

Ok. It's an unquestionable fact that when you find yourself fighting Annette, you are the villain. This is just truth.

Pretty sure this is heading to a temporary truce between Claude and Edelgard. Which, Claude's (and the Alliance's) funeral, I guess, lamo.

SHEZ & PETRA B SUPPORT

Petra's asking Shez about mercenaries. Questions if Shez would work for the enemy if they offered more money. Aww, damn. You don't have an option to say yes. :(

At least it's somewhat based in trust on their employer (and to get future ones) and not just mindless fangasming. I wouldn't want that in GW or AG either.

DOROTHEA & HUBERT B SUPPORT

This is their only support.

Hubert has a letter from the opera company and wanted to talk to Dorothea, so he's giving it to her in person.

Ohhh, he's bringing up how Dorothea hates violence, but stays and fights in the war rather than returning to the opera.

Glad this is finally getting addressed. Letting Dorothea talk.

It's part wanting to fight alongside her friends and part wanting to represent commoners in Edelgard's army. But also to score a rich husband.

Honestly, much better than whatever the fuck their Houses final support was.

HUBERT & FERDINAND B SUPPORT

So other popular ships got amped up (Dimilix, Dimidue, Marihilda - strangely not Sylvix though). So did the gay get turned up here?

Ferdinand is up late and Hubert wonders why. Ferdinand is studying the law to try and get his father arrested.

Oh, Ferdinand brought up the fact Hubert's father died. Putting Hubert to the question about executing his own father and mad he didn't judge his father in public

Hubert argues that his father would never have been found guilty.

God, that was SOOOOO much meatier than "I wanna serve Edelgard the best!" "No I wanna!!!!"

Monica took over the "pathetic Edelgard simp" to Hubert's "competent Edelgard simp" so Ferdinand could finally fucking get to run.

Ferdinand so far is 10000% the best part of SB (I'd say Petra competes, but I like her better in AG so far).

SHEZ & FERDINAND B SUPPORT

Shez thinks Ferdinand is faking enthusiasm. Not like that. Lamo. He's just overcompensating for his father's failure.

Ferdinand feels powerless and useless. I wish he was the MC.

Shez just wants to help Ferdinand feel better.

Ferdinand wants to surpass his father.

It's a repeat of his stuff with Edelgard and Hubert, but it's by far the most compelling part of SB.

PETRA & HUBERT B SUPPORT

Hubert is checking on Petra to make sure she feels comfortable and temps her with staying in the Empire, but Petra's like "naw."

Worth noting that Brigid is still under the thumb of the Empire. So Petra's a hostage basically forced into this war in order to secure the freedom of her country.

And they can't even go public yet, fearing the citizens get pissed off. Man, the Empire must be full of bloodthirsty land grabbers.

Go Petra! She low-key threatens Hubert and forces them to uphold their promises. Nice seeing her have a backbone.

PETRA & FERDINAND B SUPPORT

Ferdinand sung to Petra to ask her to spar. It's really cringe. Like, realllllly cringe. I would've been embarrassed if I wasn't playing alone.

He thinks this is some Brigid custom, but song and dance is only involved with religious ceremonies. Petra calls him out for finding her country so silly.

It's a mistranslation

Petra owned Ferdinand in this support and we are here for it.

FERDINAND & LYSITHEA C SUPPORT

Talking tea. Can relate.

Lysithea was ready to eat the food and bail. Nice.

But Ferdinand wanted to ask her about joining the commoner class. Lysithea insists she's fine with it and wants to.

Ferdinand doesn't know any de-nobled nobles who are happy. Lysithea know he only knows ones who got kicked out, he's not wrong.

Then he's like, you can't join them! Then you can't change anything anymore. But like what is he fighting on Edelgard's side for?

She, of course, doesn't have a future.

MONICA & BERNIE PARALOGUE

Bernie's enjoying her socially isolated life when Monica needs her help with something because there's no one else around.

You can have Shez agree she shouldn't come, and he says he'll slow them down, lamo. Bernie is offended.

They need to rid bandits out of a cave.

So his Duke is part of it. And he's had problems finding the Fetters of Dromini because of a TWSITD spy. It's also related to whoever kidnapped Monica.

So all I get is Shez, Monica, and Bernie. Only Shez has even looked at a battlefield and the other two are level 1 an 2. I can make 1 an adjunct, but not both. Ugh. Gotta go level at least one up.

Oh, hey, Myson.

I forgot how good of a unit Shez is lol.

Seems like Bernie actually has a decent mom. Bernie just wants to hide in the caves though. Monica advises against it.

DOROTHEA & MANUELA PARALOGUE

This one is easier since they're both leveled up already.

Everyone is fangirling over them. Dorothea assures Manuela that time hasn't tarnished her beauty, but she doesn't buy it.

They wanted Shez as a bodyguard because he's not a crazed fan. I wish real life celebrities would just whip out daggers on ridiculous fans.

This one's more entertaining than the last one. Random thieves are fans and if you defeat them with whoever they're a fan of (Dorothea or Manuela) they join you, lamo. Good both of them are already leveled up too.

Aww, Hanneman showed up to rescue Manuela.

The bandits were swarming the town because of the war. It's nice to see more acknowledgement of how Edelgard's war is screwing over the common folk.

Glad to see Hanneman get a nice little shout out despite getting demoted to NPC. Dorothea and Shez basically told them to get a room, lamo.

STORY/MAIN FIGHT

Edelgard is the least effective conquer I've seen in fiction.

"Defeat Dimitri" - How about, no.

I see "persuade Mercedes." Does that mean I need to bring Jeritza? Because it's not like Hubert or Edelgard are masters of persuasion.

"Defeat Dedue." I hate this. Monica's like, "If Dedue's here, then Dimitri is too." Even SB ships them.

Haha, they flipped sides to Dimitri after he was like "I don't want to kill you, please fight for me instead." And like, no shit?

Aw, shit. Now I have to fight Dimitri.

Oh, now I get to fight Ingrid too. Guys, I'm having so much fun right now. It doesn't help at all that SB is boring as fuck.

Oh, shit. Fuck. What the fuck. Ingrid just died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Oh shut the fuck up, Edelgard. "Oh, this is so painful." IDK maybe stop trying to conquer everyone who doesn't kiss your ass. You too, Monica. "Oh, she was loyal to the end."

I'm beginning to remember why I hated Edelgard so much in CF. She's such a self-righteous idiot incapable of taking responsibility for her shitty actions AND has no sense of self-awareness.

Dimitri and Dedue sound so sad 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Dedue and Dimitri both taking the credit, meanwhile prissy ass is like "oh, wow, so sad these people died. No idea why."

Shit, Dimitri just mentioned Glenn. He sounds so broken up. Glad Dedue is giving Ingrid the credit for her own choices and actions.

She died defending everyone she loved.

I bet Edelgard will find a way to blame Rhea for Ingrid's death rather than take any responsibility for all the death she causes.

Only Dorothea fucking cares about Ingrid.

"We are nowhere near achieving our goals in the Alliance or in the Kingdom." - Edelgard. I can't fucking understand how some people argue she's isn't an Imperialist.

At least she's admitting she's fucking stupid with her army leadership inabilities.

I'd tell Edelgard to go fuck herself, but that implies a level of pleasure she doesn't deserve. #JusticeforIngrid #StoptheImperalists

xxxx

[ethereal-maia]

Oh dear. Buckle up. There’s 7 pages of handwritten words (which I have painstakingly transcribed for you) and a glossary. Plus commentary (which will be orange text.)

things you should know before going in:

I watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail so much as a 10 year old that I stole my favorite character (Tim the Enchanter) and made him my OC self-insert for this story.

The idea for the world of Jim and Bob belongs to my younger sister and her friend, who did most of the worldbuilding for me. Jim and Bob was a longtime game for us and lots of our friends.

All “Jim and Bob friends” had mustaches and names that had only 3 letters, as a rule

Playing Jim and Bob friends consisted of calling each other by our Jim-and-Bob names, talking about how much we loved potatoes, pretending to explode things (and ourselves) with “secret formula” and talking in a made-up accent.

I wrote this story as an assignment, but there is a sequel that I wrote a couple months later if you want to see that too 😭

AND im working on adapting this into a comic for myself so if you want to see the wip of that lmk

God this makes no sense. So without further ado:

TIM THE ENCHANTER

TEXT: It was national potato day (I was also OBSESSED with “national days” at the time) in Potatoland, and Tim* stepped out the door. A Potato Policeman took one look and said “Hey! You! You’re under arrest!”

“Uh-oh”, said Tim. “…It’s national potato day again, isn’t it? I’m not wearing a potato again, right? And this is my last warning… AAAH!”

The Potato Police ran after Tim. “You are violating rule 263!” The police yelled. “Not wearing a potato on your head on national potato day!”

Fortunately, Tim was able to transport out of Potatoland by using his staff-magic (he has a wooden staff that is magical and can shoot fire out of it) to poof himself away.

“Where am I?” He wondered, sitting up. He looked into the sky and saw a huge sign saying: Jim and Bob are Awesome!

END PAGE ONE

TEXT: “Oh, no,” Tim groaned. “Not again!” (I have NO clue what I meant by this.)

“Hi there!,” a cheery voice said. “My name is Joe. Are you a Jim and Bob friend?”

“No!” Tim responded. “I am an enchanter! Now, take me to your leader!”

Joe brought Tim into a large palace. There were plumbing rooms, rooms only for toilets, and even a room invented just for potatoes!

“Hey, Bob!” Joe called. “We have a visitor! Is he… evil? Does he need to go to Potato Jail?”

“One minute please!” responded Bob. “I must finish making my embroidered toilet cape!”

Five hours later, Bob came into the room with another man. (The other man’s name is Jim) They both had mustaches.

END PAGE TWO

TEXT: “Hey, dude!” The other man (Jim, I presume?) said. “How are you doing? Oh, who is this guy?”

“I am Tim!” Tim declared. “I am the all-powerful enchanter. There are many stories about me, so I’m like totally famous.”

“WHOAH!” Bob exclaimed. “That’s awesome! I’m Bob, obviously, and this is Jim. Tim, you are invited to become an official Jim-and-Bob friend!”

“WHOAH! That’s awesome, dude!” Said Tim. “Wow! I even have a new accent! It’s even better than my old one! My name’s Tim, F.Y.I.” (Thanks for clarifying man)

Just then, a guy wearing a lab coat came into the room. He introduced himself as Osh, (my oc representing my best friend!!!) and asked Tim if he wanted to mess around with chemistry. Tim agreed.

Tim and Osh had a great time. They mixed dynamite with boiling water and poured it down the drain. (This is the prototype for Secret Formula… it’s usually made by getting all the hottest and spiciest stuff you can find and mixing it together into an explosion potion 😌 I actually tried to make it once and was of course let down.) The whole

END PAGE THREE

TEXT: entire sink exploded!

“High-five, dude!” They yelled. Smack! Their hands clapped together.

“Hey, we should make a lot of this stuff, and sell it for PotPeel (AKA Jim and Bob money.)!” Tim suggested. “Let’s call it… Secret Formula, or S.F.” (Capitalism for the win I guess 😭)

Soon, Jim burst into the room, holding a knife. His eyes were glazed over.

“Ugh!” Groaned Osh. “He must be possessed by the Evil Potato again! It happens all the time. Let me handle this.”

“KILL ALL JIM-AND-BOB FRIENDS”, (the robotic font I made for this was so fun to write actually I remember) Jim repeated, over and over again.

“Hey! Dude! SNAP OUT OF IT!” Osh bellowed, and Jim fell to the floor. Tim rushed over and made sure he was okay. Jim was never possessed again. (Legendary move from Osh I fear)

END PAGE FOUR

TEXT: One day, while Tim was watching the Toilet-Vision (a television but it’s shaped like a toilet) , a news channel caught his attention.

“George and Chad are on the loose again! Will they be captured and put back in Potato Jail (Fun fact! Potato Jail was originally Heaven. It was a joke because all the bad guys were sent there instead of somewhere actually bad, yet they still wanted to escape. I renamed it Potato Jail because I feared my teacher’s reaction), or will they run hounded forever? This is Snootypants Nosedy, out.���

“What! This is crazy!” Bob yelled. “They should not have been able to breakout of Potato Jail! It is the most secure place ever! (Fake fucking news cause those bitches were escaping every other week) Tim and Osh! You must capture George and Chad with your new potion!”

“Okay!” Tim and Osh agreed. “Hey, Tim, this is going to be so much fun! Remember, we made guns just for S.F.!” Said Osh. (They are WATER GUNS I PROMISE)

“Oh yeah, we did!” Replied Tim. “This is going to be fun!”

END PAGE FIVE

TEXT: While Tim and Osh were away looking for George and Chad, George and Chad snuck into the Potato Palace! They tiptoed into the Sacred Room of Potatoes. In the middle, there was a locked glass case. If anyone touched it, all Jim-and-Bob friends in the area would automatically turn into Murderous-Killer-Sheep (this was a piece of Jim and Bob lore I have regrettably forgotten. RIP murderous killer sheep.) and the box would shoot out lasers.

But George and Chad didn’t know that. Chad whispered: “How’s my dreamy hair? Yours is, like, a total mess.”

“Geez, Chad,” George answered. “Well, we’ve just spent like two years in POTATO JAIL!!! OF COURSE YOUR HAIR IS A MESS!!! Now, let’s get that Golden Potato.”

“Stop right there!” Someone yelled. George and Chad’s heads snapped toward the noise. Tim was standing in the

END PAGE SIX

TEXT: doorway to the Sacred Potato Room, and his Secret Formula weapon was pointed right at them!

Just then, the Potato Police (a different one than the one that hated Tim for not wearing a potato on national potato day) showed up.

“Sirs, you are under arrest. O Tim, you have helped. Here is $5,000 for doing a community service. Also, you are wiped clear of any crimes you may have committed.” (And he’s committed many. The crimes were all dumb shit like not wearing a potato on your head on national potato day though let’s be honest)

When the Jim-and-Bob friends found out, they threw a huge party in Tim’s honor! Everyone gave him compliments. These are just a few!:

“Hey dude! Thanks a lot!”

“Wow! Tim, you’re so awesome!!”

“Hey Tim, could I get your autograph?”

”Nice cloak! Where’d you get it?”

And, to sum it all up, the Jim-and-Bob friends are so grateful that they build a

END PAGE SEVEN

TEXT: totally sick medieval Castle for Tim and Osh, so that they can blow up as many sinks as they want without disturbing the Potato Palace!

THE END

Are you confused? Good thing 10y/o me made a glossary for my teacher!!!

Tim: a sorcerer of fire! Looks like this:

let’s play spot the difference, shall we? Here’s a picture of Tim the Enchanter from the movie.

(I thought he was The Coolest Character Ever. I was him for Halloween that same year and one guy gave me extra candy because of it.)

Osh: mad scientist! Loves animals.

Jim and Bob: Founders of Jim-and-Bob-land. Both have mustaches and are official Jim-and-Bob friends. Look like this:

(Mario brothers who???)

George and Chad: criminals. (The real term was Betrayers, but I used criminals because it made more sense I guess. It’s sad because they both were once Jim-and-Bob friends… but alas they betrayed the brotherhood. Should’ve know they were no good from their names… more than three letters…) George is wanted for disobeying the rules of plumbing (not breaking the toiled, which you are supposed to do instead of fixing the toilets). (Honestly he was wrongfully imprisoned. So was Chad but we’ll get to that.) Chad is wanted for being too good-looking, and for not marrying the nerdy girl even though he is gay. (yep!!!! I actually wrote that!!!! Because it was the truth of the matter!!!!! Chad was awesome because everyone had a crush on him but he was only in love with himself. Also whenever anyone said his name they had to sing it and move their head in a circle to imitate the Chad Effect. Which was just. Magical lights and wind that made Chad look even hotter than usual I guess.) This is what they look like:

Potato Jail (Formerly known as Heaven) : where really bad people go. Looks like this:

Secret Formula: very deadly, many different types. Just one drop can do this:

Actual vial size:

Fun fact! A drop of poisonous S.F. will destroy the world!

Sacred Room of Potatoes: HUGE! Where all the best kinds of potatoes go. A growing plot for potatoes. Looks like this:

The Evil Potato: Just loves to possess Jim, like in the story. Looks like this: (i fucking love this guy’s design, in retrospect)

THE END (again)

haha if you have any questions/ comments/ concerns pleaseeee tell me them!!! thanks for reading :3

do you want to see an absolutely batshit insane story I wrote when I was 9 or 10 years old

YES DEFINITELY ABSOLUTELY

[partial-bouquet]

(it would probably work better if I put my Night Vale post under it's own post than the sexymanotd poll)

… the spider’s mechs were very well made, but also very tiny. So it was easy to deal with.

Listeners, here’s something strange, a skeleton, you know, like those commonly found in Old Town, is on the outside of my booth. He seems bored, as most skeletons are. I can’t imagine the existence of being a sentient skeleton. Then again, I suppose that’s all we are, just wrapped in flesh and stuffed with a little bit of straw and bugs.

[paper sliding across desk]

Oh, another red envelope! Must be telling me who this fella is!

[tearing paper]

Ah. Mhm. Okay. So this skeleton is named Sans Undertale. What a unique name! You know Comic Sans is one of my favorite fonts!

This fine skeleton is dressed in a light blue hoodie, black gym shorts, and pink fluffy slippers. Wow! Sans here should be a runaway model, where only the most fashionable people run away in terror. I’d vote for him there.

He now seems to be sleeping, he has eyelids somehow, but I also have eyelids somehow.

You know listeners, come to think of it, this fashionable fella might be my new competition in this “sexyman competition”. Now I can’t compete with his fashion sense, i’m just in the usual radio host garb, plus a cool bleached jean jacket, like The Beatles wore when they all had mustaches, and played on mustaches.

Oh I should put on one of their records later! I love the one wear it’s just Paul McCartney screaming “THIS IS NOT US! THIS IS NOT US! THIS IS NOT US!” and there’s the sounds of fire and shattering glass. A classic!

-

And now, The Community Calendar.

On Monday Dark Owl Records will seemingly be on fire, Michelle Nguyen and her girlfriend Maureen will be totally fine about it, and say it’s a statement on the music industry cannibalizing itself. They will be trying to light candy cigarettes with the fire and failing and laughing at people who try to help. The fire will end with the building miraculously being okay.

This Tuesday the Vague Yet Menacing Government Agency will be holding a surprise party. Be alert! Prepare for the surprise at any time! Be wracked with paranoia! What was that?!

Wednesday is. It just is. Accept it.

Thursday we will all stare at the sky and smile, until the existential crises set in.

Friday will be worth about $2.67 and a cool rock

Saturday is the city wide Block Party, bring your favorite block and compete in the block race!

Sunday is a limited run NFT worth thousands of dollars initially that will be worthless within about 24 hours.

-

Back to our guest in studio. I don’t know what to do about him. He’s still sleeping and it’s rude to wake someone up who’s sleeping.

I’ll tell you what, I’m going to have a nice long think and consider what to do. While I do that, you all can go to the weather.

-

Keep on Chooglin - AJJ

-

Okay so while the weather played, I talked with Sans. He is genuinely a nice guy and seemed to not be concerned about the whole thing. He didn’t even sign up for the competition, much like me.

So we had a kinship there.

The last of the votes are rolling in as I speak. Sans is still here just giving me a nonchalant thumbs up, which I am returning.

[paper sliding]

Ah, here is the results. This is a bigger envelope than last time, still red though.

Do you want to come in as I read them?

Sans is shaking his head no.

Alright then.

[paper ripping]

It appears I have won listeners. And there’s a Burger King style cardboard crown in here that says “#1 Tumblr Sexyman 2023”. And a $25 gift card to the Burger King in the mall food court.

I might use it if the pythons which infest it are removed, though reportedly, they make some mean burgers. Something to consider.

I can see Sans leaving the studio, with a taller skeleton, I guess this is Papyrus, his brother.

[calling out]

It was nice to chat with you! Consider being a runaway model Sans!

Ah he’s giving a thumbs up.

I think this is a nice ending, though I must say, I think my husband, Carlos, deserves the title of sexyman much more than me.

I will now go to spend some time with my personal sexyman.

Goodnight, Night Vale, goodnight.

(Idea credit to @bigcommunist )

[semischarmed]

Temptation

-Wednesday- 

I love him so much. God I love him. And he’ll never know. Maybe it was a curse from a past life or something. To live like this, tantalizingly close to him but unable to act. I knew he didn’t see me that way, but that didn’t help any in my situation. 

Take today for instance, he just came back from the gym today soaked in the lingering smell of sweat. It was probably residual perspiration on the clothes he was carrying back or some other thing in his bag. Still. The smell. Goddamn. I could have died and gone to heaven on the spot. I tried to sneak a whiff of Connor, but all I could pick up was whatever soap and cologne he used. It was earthy, woodsy. Like cut cedar and fresh rain. It’s the Connor I always smelled, since he did always keep himself quite clean, and it’s a wonderful scent in its own right, forming the basis of my idea of Connor and the scent I associated with him. But damn. This paled in comparison to the hints of musk and workout sweat I could glean from his clothing. He reeked of pure man and it’s such a shame he covered that up. God I hope he doesn’t do laundry anytime soon.

He must have picked up on something, cause not a moment later I got a “Oh dude! I’m so sorry, this stuff probably reeks haha. I’ll get it washed up so it doesn’t stink up the place” he laughed politely. Fuck.

“Sure, you do you” I stated back, mentally cursing at his propensity for cleanliness.

You’d think the ROTC guys wouldn’t give two fucks about their smell but I guess Connor was an exception. Then again I don’t really know what they did, so maybe it was normal for them. In any case, he definitely did laundry tonight, and I definitely lost out on a good jack off.

-Friday-

So, weird thing happened last night. Connor looked tired as fuck, but he went out. The man must have been running on sheer willpower alone cause he had some kind of training day earlier today too. He collapsed in his room at like 8. Yet there he was an hour later- eyes bloodshot, hair tousled. Maybe he wanted to let loose or something? Still pretty weird. I mean, the guy was practically a saint. It’s odd enough that he went out for drinks, but even odder that he went out dressed like he did. Still I could definitely get used to a more experimental Connor. 

He was also a little looser when he came back. Gave me a pat on the shoulder and a wink. Something about “keeping the room safe” or something. I couldn’t concentrate enough to tell what he was actually rambling about. His breath was drenched in alcohol. I feel like I almost got drunk off the fumes alone when he spoke. No surprise when he had no recollection of any of it after he woke up from his nap. 

Total guilty pleasure, but the messy look was kind of hot on him. Never seen my friend so disheveled like this, he was always so prim and proper. It’s kind of nice to see him knocked down a few pegs. 

-Tuesday-

Connor let out a cute yawn before scratching his pits. He gave his scratching hand a quick sniff before settling into a satisfied smile. My dick jumped a little. I feigned ignorance when he regarded me, asking me if I saw that. “I… uh…no. Definitely not.” 

“Sure dude.” Now fully aware of my stare, Connor continued scratching at himself. “You’re seeing this now though, right?” He ran a hand over his stomach, gently feeling through his defined abs. I kept replaying the event in my head, drooling the delight I just witnessed and at a little daydream of me coming up to to feel this new side of Connor with him. In my daze, I barely noticed my roommate inching closer.

Plus, did he seem… bigger? Though I can’t say I’ve ever seen the guy without a shirt on so I guess I just never noticed. Regardless, this version of Connor was fucking hot. Looks like he’s got a tat too. Hot. 

“Baby if you’re gonna keep looking, you might as well have a taste.” He laughed warmly. I couldn’t believe what I just heard. In my stunned state, I couldn’t do anything beyond stare at him in disbelief as a vascular hand that seemed larger than it should be guided mine around his perky ass. God what a nice ass. I still recoiled out of the sheer absurdity in the situation. Try as I might, I couldn’t wrap my brain around the idea of this Connor. It’s like he was two different people. Well, I definitely liked this version of my friend more. I’m still drooling over what just happened.

“Another time, then,” he chuckled before walking to his room. 

Weird. Connor never really shut his door other than to sleep. Guess he was tired or something. 

-Thursday-

Well shit, I totally misread all of that. Today, I thought I saw that same glint of intrigue in his eyes and decided to risk it. Conner was just sitting in his boxers eating cereal and I was just standing there, a few feet behind. I couldn’t help it. My hand instinctively reached out and the cupped the outline of his ass. Perky. It was cute and compact and plump but definitely had a bit of muscle behind it. I regretted the action immediately. 

“…The fuck dude?” He gently whispered. It was more bewilderment than anything. Fuck. He was incredulous and I couldn’t blame him. Anger raged inside him, I could tell. But neither of us knew what to do in the situation. We stood there, staring at each other for what felt like hours before I relented.

In shame I could barely stammer out a shameful “s-sorry” before I slunk back to my room, bright red. 

I fucked up.

-Monday-

Okay. Scratch everything I just said. Connor is fucking with me. He’s got to be. He strode around the apartment half naked, humming a quiet tune to himself. Sure. Fine, I guess. Whatever. But as soon as he noticed me on the couch working on an essay, he walked over and gave me a hug from behind. Oh my god that hug. Connor was a lean dude, but I swear his muscles were fucking bulging, like they were barely contained in his skin. He wrapped those thick pythons over my shoulders and chest and I just about melted on the spot. I’m pretty sure I moaned a little too. Who wouldn’t? Wrapped in his warm embrace, surrounded by this man- I was his for that moment. I tensed up on the spot. I knew he didn’t swing that way, so I don’t know what he was trying but there was no way I would fall for what I could only assume was some kind of trap. 

He spoke in a tone laced in sex. It set me off in a way I didn’t expect. This was a side of Connor I’ve never seen, a tone of Connor I’ve never heard- an experience of Connor I’ve never had. It was a Connor I never knew I needed.

“I’ve seen the way you look at this body. You’re not very subtle.” In the faintest of whispers, he leaned in until his lips were barely touching my ear. My dick was already rock hard in anticipation- I was practically bursting at the seams and I’m sure he had a great view of it. “Just say the word and ‘Connor’ is yours”. 

With a control and a willpower I never had before, I refrained from kissing this boy- from putting myself all over him on the spot. I mentally cursed at my friend. ‘What the fuck are you playing at Connor?’ 

His hot, damp breath caressed my ear in its own embrace as I stood my ground, unmoving like stone. “Got to hand it to you, bro, you put up a really good fight. It’s okay. I love a good fight. Makes victory taste all the more sweeter.” The feel of Connor’s thick, defined fingers running through my hair and wet, slimy tongue across my cheek. He rolled his body forward, so the pulse through his abs would be felt across the back of my neck. From this spot, he was downright imposing. His guns went in for another caress- this time wrapping across my cheeks and around my chin.

“You know I love you bro… This body’s straight as an arrow. But it’s my body- I’ll go gay for you if you want”. What the fuck. Oh god I got a bit of his sweat on my cheek too. My eyes fluttered, body entrapped in a spell of my own hormones reacting to my friend’s advances.

Connor broke me. I shivered on the spot, leaned up to the man, moaned an “Oh fuck…Connor I-I need you. I-” before he cut me off. “Well bro, kind of looks like you still got some work today- you have fun with that.” He laughed coldly. He was fucking with me.

That whole exchange was really fucking weird, cause just a few hours later, it was back to pure awkward silence between us. Like a flip of a switch, the every energy he exuded around me could only be described as “uncomfortable”. I wanted to talk to him, to speak with him about earlier, to tell him I wanted him the same way. Something about those eyes read differently though. They read the same Connor I had been used to until recently. I decided to hold my tongue. Something about this situation wasn’t adding up.

Also I’m pretty sure this kid needs to see a doctor or something. I swear the guy doesn’t sleep- he’s out every night and then I see his tired ass drag himself to class every morning. Rushing a frat? Weird drugs? Could have been a host of things. 

-Tuesday-

Now 4 days since the incident last week. Thankfully he hasn’t brought it up- nor has he brought up whatever the fuck yesterday was. If it was even real. I sweat and stumble over my sentences in every conversation I make with him. I flash back to what he said to me. God, this was all too much. Every time I try to focus myself, focus on whatever he was talking to me about, I couldn’t help but think of the Connor that visited me yesterday night. 

Maybe, maybe it was just a hallucination. Maybe I dreamed it all up. I was working on an essay for hours. The whole encounter could have easily been a dream. He’s been going out every night too, so it’s not like he could have been speaking to me that coherently. Still. That didn’t make it any better. Whether or not he knew it, Connor was a demon in my life. 

I shamefully admit I totally jacked off to that little exchange from yesterday after he left. Grabbed some used Connor-scented garments off his hamper and exploded all over myself in a Connor-themed session. Nothing like the exquisite gym-soaked clothes from a week ago, but it was enough. It was still Connor. My eyes rolled up to the back of my head in pleasure as I took a breath, basking in the afterglow and the scent of forest and earth and faintest lingering musk of Connor in my nose. Connor was everything to me and, hallucination or not, I committed yesterday’s events to memory. 

-Still Tuesday-

Shitshitshit. Definitely not a dream. I caught the son of a bitch. In the dead of night, I caught him sneaking in from a dark corner of the room. Like a figure manifest from the shadows itself. He was holding some silver figurine in his hand, reciting some odd words, before he lunged at the sleeping Connor. He gave my roommate a quick sniff before scoffing. “Bro you have to stop cleaning all your nice smells away… With that the stranger pulled at the corners of Connor’s mouth. I watched as my roommate’s skin was forced to accommodate the man’s muscular calves. 

I watched as the stranger pulled Connor every further up himself. Damn, even in the dark I could tell the man was ripped. When his head finally slotted into where Connor’s skull would be, and Connor’s face was stretched being pulled, I saw the immediate change in my friend’s demeanor. This was the guy who’s been fucking with me recently. This was why Connor looked so buff lately. I couldn’t see the man who jumped inside my best friend, but I could never wipe that smug smile he wore through Connor’s face. 

The smell that originated from inside Connor, the same smell I experienced a week ago. God I loved that scent. It permeated throughout the room. Best friend concentrate. Like a humid, musky, grime that clung to the very air and decorated my nostrils. I never wanted his scent out of me again. I felt like I was inhaling Connor himself, regarding a newly discovered private part of my friend.

My stomach churned in a mix of anticipation and horror. Sweat beaded at my temples. Gotta admit, this was kind of hot. I had to figure out what I was gonna do about this. Self-preservation kicked in and I fled to my room, taking special attention to ensure I did not alert the man inside Connor. Not like he’d notice anyways- dude was feeling himself up almost immediately after he slipped inside. 

-Wednesday-

It’s like clockwork at this point. The “other” Connor came back early in the morning from a wild night out, before passing out on our couch as I was finally able to speak with my friend. Impossibly tired eyes looked back at me. He gave a weak grimace. “Must have passed out again….Uh.. can I help you man?” My heart sank. Could I really tell him this? My poor roommate. “No, uh.. do you want any breakfast?”.

I could tell he had meant to say yes. He motioned as much, before staring at my face and turning away. Fuck. He was definitely still put off by last week’s advance. I honestly don’t blame him. “N-no. I got it. Thanks.” 

I grimaced awkwardly before shrugging and walking to fix myself some breakfast. This would complicate things. And I couldn’t do that to Connor. I needed to find a way to fix this without him knowing. Evidently, his body being used and worn out like an evening jacket was taking its toll on him. Despite whatever we were going through, he was still my friend. And I couldn’t in good faith add more to that burden. 

“Hey, one of the guys from the gym’s coming over for dinner, that cool?” 

“Yeah man, I’ll just order some extra pizza,” I said back, sighing internally in relief at some semblance of normalcy.

-Still Wednesday -

I met Connor’s gym friend. To be honest, already forgot his name. He gave me a wink when he shook my hand and I couldn’t stop staring all dinner. I think even Connor picked up on it. He looked almost jealous with all the attention I usually gave him being directed at the stranger. The stranger asked to use the bathroom, and I wanted to let him know how to get to it, but he seemed to already know the path.

“Hey bro, is it cool if I stay the night?“ I nodded automatically, lost in deep thought.

There’s something peculiar about the Connor’s gym friend. And I didn’t notice it until I was already in bed. Then hit me like a brick. 

That fucking smirk. 

-End-

If anyone knows who this guy is, please let me know… for.. uh.. research purposes.

[simplee-dreaming]

The Party

A/N: I spent far too much time deciding how all of their outfits were gonna look so I hope it paid off. Also, I know some things I mention have different names in different countries but I've gone for what I only know as the British version. Hope you like it! (Totally didn't get inspiration for this idea from driving past a joke shop myself...)

Word count: 2951

Summary: The reader attends her first themed party hosted by RDJ, but her outfit lands her in trouble.

------------------------------------

Tonight was the night. The night you had been waiting for for weeks. A party at Robert Downey Jr’s house. But not just any old party, oh no, a party for the Avengers cast. Not even just a party - a themed party.

See, Robert is well known for his themed parties. Of course he’s done the classics such as the black and white theme, the 80s theme, even the “dress as your favourite superhero” theme - what could be more suited? But he’s also well known for his unique themes. For example: dress as what you wanted to be when you were a kid; dress as your favourite fruit or veg; dress as another member of the cast; dress as your favourite gay icon. The list goes on.

This was your very first party with the cast though. Being the newest member, you were super excited to have a great night with them all outside of work - plus little Tom couldn’t stop guessing what this theme could be. It was, of course:

“Dress as your favourite board game.”

Yep. Board games.

You spent ages trying to figure out what board game you were going to dress up as. The main rule of the themed parties was that you couldn’t tell other people what you were going as unless you deliberately needed someone else to complete your outfit.

You were desperate for ideas now that the party was only a week away. It wasn’t until you were walking down the highstreet, and something in the shop window caught your eye, that you finally had an idea. You were standing outside of a joke shop, and in the window stood a dress...designed like a Twister mat.

Perfect.

The day had finally arrived. No one was filming today so you had all day to get yourself ready. Hair and makeup done, Twister dress on, ready to rumble.

You made your way to RDJ’s house at half 8 - late enough to not be the first one there but early enough to enjoy everyone’s company for longer. You smiled with glee as you stepped into the house. You were tingling with excitement as you walked towards the room where the music played. The minute you walked into the room, everyone approached you. And one by one you scanned them all to see what they were dressed as.

The first person you saw was Anthony, he was dressed up as Cards Against Humanity. Not quite a board game but funny nonetheless. The front of his outfit was completely black and the back was completely white. The writing on his front read “I drink to forget _____”, and the writing on his back read “Tom Holland”. You giggled.

Next was Scarlett. She decided to come dressed as Pictionary. Part of her outfit was made with polyester and nylon, and she carried around a whiteboard marker so that anyone could draw a picture on her outfit and others had to guess what it was. This could also be wiped off easily, ready for the next person to draw.

Sebastian was next, you snorted when you saw him. He was dressed as Frustration. His outfit was divided into the four colours: his top right being yellow, top left being green, bottom right being blue and bottom left being red. He had placed a semisphere plastic hat over his head and inside lay a foam dice which jumped about whenever he shook his head.

After Seb came Liz. She was dressed up as Uno. Her front and back were two different colours of the uno reverse card - the front being red and the back being green. The point of this is that whenever someone asked her to do something she didn’t wanna do, she’d just point to her outfit and get out of doing it.

Next was Paul B. He came as Trivial Pursuit. Random questions and answers were plastered all over his suit, such as: “how many feet are there in a fathom? 6”; “What three-word slogan was named the most popular advertisement ever in a 2000 poll? Beanz Meanz Heinz”; and his own personal saying, “Where do snitches end up? In ditches”.

Following Paul was the unsurprising double act. Big Tom and Hemsy. They had come dressed as Snakes and Ladders. Tom had glued a giant toy python to his all-black outfit, and Chris had stuck a cardboard ladder to the front and back of his all-white outfit. Simple, yet effective.

Then came Evans who was dressed as Noughts and Crosses, despite numerous comments from RDJ about it not being a board game. His back was full of paper noughts and crosses stuck to his top but his front had a similar material to Scarlett’s where the cast could play their own game on his front and then wipe it off for the next players.

You scanned little Tom next. He had gone all out with his outfit, dressing up as Operation. He was wearing a light pink coloured top and matching trousers and had stapled all the pieces of operation to their correct areas, such as the butterfly, the spare rib and the wish bone. He’d also used face paint to paint his nose a dark shade of red. Adorably creepy in a way.

Last, but certainly not least, was the man himself. Robert Downey Jr. He came as the popular game Cluedo. And boy did he look fancy. He wore a top hat that had a giant question mark stuck to it, and a tuxedo with a long sweeping tail attached to the jacket. Neatly placed all over his black suit were the names of the suspects, the names of the rooms and the names of the weapons - all written in white. He looked splendid.

“Twister. How unusual. I love it,” Robert said, the others nodded in agreement.

“Thanks, you all look incredible,” you said.

Little Tom held out his arm and led you to the dance floor where you spent the next hour dancing the night away. Big Tom and Hemsy were owning the dance floor with their moves. Many party classics blared through the speakers, including 5,6,7,8...which you knew the dance off by heart but RDJ had to be taught the moves by you and little Tom.

Another hour passed and you were sat with Scarlett, Liz and Paul in the other room where the music wasn’t so loud. Seb was with you but he had asked Liz to get him a drink and she played the uno reversal so now he was on drinks duty.

“Paul, can I borrow your suit just so I can literally look smarter?” You asked, he chuckled.

“Maybe I can just follow you around and relay the facts for you,”

“You could be the Yoda to my Luke. Though I think you’re too big to sit on my back,” you said.

“Here’s your punch,” said Seb, returning with two cups for him and Liz.

“Finally, what took you so long?” she asked.

“I stopped in the party room, Anthony and little Tom are having a competition to see who can do the macarena better,” he said.

“But...the macarena is the macarena…” you said, confused.

“Try telling them that. Tom insisted that the Brits do it better apparently.”

“Well, we do have some absolute bangers,” you chuckled. Paul agreed.

“So where did you get that dress?” Scarlett asked you.

“The joke shop down the highstreet. I was walking past it last week and found it in the window. Thought it would be perfect,” you shrugged.

“Until Mackie gets over excited and plays Twister on you,” Seb said.

“I’d like to see him try,” you replied.

“Ah, here’s the gang. What are you all doing in here?” Robert said, entering the room with big Tom and Evans.

“We’re just sat chatting….wait, have you left Holland and Mackie alone?” Seb asked.

“They’re fine, Chris is with them,” Tom replied. You tilted your head at him and raised an eyebrow.

“Maybe I should check on them…” Tom said, you nodded and he left the room.

“Soooo, how’s it going?” Evans asked everyone.

“We’re all fine but Y/N is a bit twisted,” Seb said. Everyone laughed but you bonked him on the head, making the dice jolt.

“Oi!”

You giggled and slapped the plastic hat again, the dice landed on a 6.

“Eyy I get another go!” You cheered before bonking him on the head again. He sighed but chuckled.

“Well it’s nice to see her dressed as an actual board game,” Robert said, turning to Evans.

“Hey, that’s not fair! Noughts and crosses is a board game!” Evans protested.

“I wanna play,” you said. Evans smiled at you.

You got Liz to play with you and you went first. You decided to play as noughts and took the bottom left corner. After a few rounds, you got a straight diagonal line. You cheered as Liz huffed, but she congratulated you nonetheless.

“I wanna play pictionary now,” you said, turning to Scarlett. She smiled and handed you a whiteboard pen. You thought for a moment then began drawing.

You pressed down on Scarlett’s outfit to make sure you could draw properly. You ran the pen down her stomach and she giggled.

“Hey, careful, that tickles,” she said. You blushed and apologised but continued. Everytime the pen went over a certain spot Scarlett would giggle but she never flinched.

“Okay, I’m done,” you announced. Everyone leaned forward and groaned once they saw it.

“Really? You know none of us can say that,” Seb said.

“First one to say it correctly wins,” you shrugged. You had drawn Mjolnir, something that everyone struggled to say.

“Midge-oh-lair,” said Liz.

“Mjohn-ler,” said Seb.

“Me-joln-ier,” said Evans.

“Hey! It’s Mjolnir!” came a voice from the door. Hemsy had just walked in with Mackie, little Tom and big Tom.

“We have a winner,” you grinned and everyone groaned again.

“Okay now I wanna play snakes and ladders,” you said. You scrambled to your feet and launched yourself at Hemsy, climbing up his tall body and clinging to him like a koala. He laughed.

“Okay, and what do we do now?” He chuckled. You shrugged and hugged him tighter, he returned the favour.

“As nice as this is, princess, I can’t carry you around the rest of the evening,” Hemsy said.

“Alright, hang on. Gotta complete the game,” you said. You motioned big Tom to come nearer and leaned over to hug him. Your legs followed and wrapped around his waist before you slid down his body and landed on the floor. Tom laughed.

“Impressive,” he said. You lay flat at the floor and looked at him, giggling.

“You’re very playful today,” big Tom said.

“I’m just happy to be here,” you giggled, he smiled at you.

“Alright my turn, I wanna play twister,” Mackie said, launching himself at you.

“WAIT!” You cried, panicked by his sudden movement. Mackie didn’t listen.

“I’m not doing anything! I need someone to give me an instruction,” he said.

“Right foot red,” Seb said. Mackie lifted his foot and put it on the first red spot he could see, directly on your tummy. You giggled as he adjusted his foot, rubbing it against your tummy.

“Noho Anthony!”

He looked and realised what he was doing, then smirked and vibrated his foot on your tummy again. You giggled louder.

“The twister mat is making noises, how do I turn it off?” He asked.

“Um, try putting your left hand on yellow,” little Tom piped up. Mackie grinned as he spotted a yellow spot on your ribs. He put his hand down and gave them an “accidental” squeeze.

“Hehey!” You shrieked.

“Didn’t work Holland, anyone else?” Mackie said.

“Try right hand green,” Scar said, smirking. Mackie placed his right hand on the green spot on your side and squeezed again.

“Stohop!” You cried.

“Right well that didn’t work, and I can’t put my left foot on it otherwise I would break it. Any other ideas?” he said.

“You may have to push a few buttons, try turning it off and on again,” Paul said. Mackie squeezed your ribs and sides again and shook his foot on your tummy. You screeched loudly.

“Nope, still making noises,”

“Let me have a look,” Liz said. Mackie had you pinned below his hands and foot. You started to giggle as you felt a single finger run up your neck.

“Nonono Lizzie!” You squeaked as she dragged a nail up the other side.

“There must be an off button around here,” she teased. She gently scribbled all her nails into your neck. You scrunched up your shoulders and shrieked.

“NOHOHOHO!”

“Definitely not here, you sure it’s not there Mackie?” Lizzie asked. Mackie squeezed your ribs and sides again and your giggles turned to laughter.

“Nope, no no, that’s made it worse,” he said. “Someone try a blue spot!”

Evans jumped up and ran over to help. He found a blue spot right on your hip, he placed his hand over it and started squeezing.

“NAHAHAHAHAHA!” You screamed. Trying to buck your body was impossible with Mackie still pinning you.

“Dammit Evans you turned the volume up!” Mackie yelled.

“Maybe the problem lies outside of the mat itself,” big Tom piped up.

“What you saying Hiddleston? That we’re the problem?” Mackie asked.

“Not at all, just that there appears to be parts connected to the mat, but not part of the mat itself,” Tom said, putting his hand on his chin. He slowly approached you and swiped a single finger under your knee. You kicked it away.

“Now it’s malfunctioning,” Mackie informed him. Tom hummed and swiped a finger under your other knee. You kicked again. He then spider tickled under both your knees and you shrieked loudly.

“PLEHEHEASE I’M NOHOT BROKEN!” You screamed.

“God DAMN you made it talk!” Mackie yelled.

“I know what the issue is,” Robert said, stepping forward.

“Do go on?” big Tom said.

“You need to hit all the pressure points at once. It’s like a giant reset button, wear it down till it reboots itself,” he said. Everyone looked at each other.

“Position yourselves,” Robert instructed.

Mackie stepped off of your stomach and knelt by your left side, Seb knelt by your right. Lizzie was still up by your neck and big Tom by your knees. Scarlett was by your right shoulder, Paul by your left. Evans positioned himself by your hips, little Tom the other side by your thighs. Hemsworth and Robert sat next to your feet.

“Nonononono please!” You cried.

“Rebooting systems in 3…” Robert began.

“No please!”

“2…”

“Wait!”

“1…”

“No wait I’m not brOHOHOHOKEN!” You cried as everyone attacked you at once. No one was pinning you down but you could hardly twist and turn with 10 people tickling all your spots at once. They were all ruthless and yet...you sort of loved it.

“PLEHEHEHASE NOHOHOHO!” You cried, flailing your arms around. Mackie and Seb were squeezing up and down your sides and across your tummy, Lizzie was tickling deep into your neck, Scar and Paul had just caught an arm each and pinned it upwards so they could tickle your underarms, big Tom was scratching under your knees and squeezing the tops, Evans was squeezing and scribbling into your hips, little Tom was scratching up and down your thighs and Hemsy and Robert had grabbed a foot each to tickle. It was pure torture.

“KEEP GOING, IT’LL WEAR DOWN EVENTUALLY!” Robert yelled over your screams of laughter. Everyone picked up the speed and you screamed louder than ever before.

You now had your arms and legs pinned by Scar, Paul, Robert and Hemsworth so you tried to buck your hips as much as possible and scrunch up your shoulders to protect your neck but it was no use.

“NOHOHOHO MOHOHORE!” You cried. You let out another loud scream and fell into a silent laughter. Tears filled your eyes to the point where you couldn’t even see Lizzie kneeling over you.

“Reboot complete,” Robert instructed. He stopped tickling your foot and one by one the rest of the cast followed and ceased their attack. You lay there, taking in deep breaths of air.

“You alright twisty?” Mackie asked, sliding up to your head. You nodded, letting out residue giggles. Evans gave you a hand up and propped you up against the sofa.

“You...are...all...evil…” you breathed out. Everyone chuckled.

“You were in a playful mood, we wanted to join,” Evans said, winking at you.

“I never knew you were so ticklish,” Hemsworth said.

“So would you be if 10 people ganged up on you,” you replied. He laughed and nodded in agreement. Little Tom sat down next to you.

“You okay?” He asked, pulling you in for a hug. You nodded.

“Yeah...that was fun,” you clamped your mouth shut after realising what you just said.

“Fun eh?” little Tom teased, quickly spidering your side to make you giggle again.

“We had fun too if that’s any consolation? Could go for round two if you want,” big Tom said. You looked at him and smiled.

“Not today I don’t think, you guys well and truly broke me,” you said, everyone laughed.

“I think I’ve already decided on the theme for next year,” Robert said. Everyone turned to him.

“Tickle Me Y/N,” he said, “where everyone has to bring a random object to tickle Y/N with. First to make her say stop wins.” He winked at you and you blushed and hid your head in little Tom’s shoulder. He chuckled and stroked your head.

“Now that will be a fun theme,” Mackie replied.