#policies hr should have

[natjennie]

is there anything to gilear/jawbone. I think jawbone could fix him.

[officialjimmybuffett]

how to email professor about them being disrespectful of ur time and to please post assignments not 24 hrs before they’re due

[bugmin]

sometimes i just have to tune a mfer out coz if i actually listen to what ur saying im going to kill u

[mangostarjam]

knot happening (part one) — bnha, alpha!bakugou katsuki x f!reader, aged up characters, established relationship, a/b/o dynamics, use of "brat" and "pipsqueak" as pet names, smut in the second part (coming soon), omegaverse!au for the spring fever collab run by @lorelune ! 1.2k words

your new company has some... interesting policies for employee heat cycles. you do your best to find a loophole.

"I can't do it."

"The hell d'ya mean, you can't do it?"

You give your Pro Hero boyfriend and resident alpha A Look. Bakugou Katsuki has the grace to shut his mouth, but he rolls his eyes and drapes a heavy arm over your shoulders, yanking you into him on the faded yellow couch you picked out together years ago.

"This is my first heat at this new job, and it's just... embarrassing. Do you know what they do, Katsuki?"

He raises a sharp blonde eyebrow in invitation.

"They..." your voice drops with horror, "they announce it to the whole company."

"Hah?" Katsuki sits up a little, strong thighs flexing beneath his gym shorts. He came in on the tail end of your mental breakdown, finding you pacing in the living room of your apartment with your hands tugging incessantly on your borrowed shirt. "What the fuck?"

"I know," you wail, "it's ridiculous! The president sends out a company wide email explaining your absence, and the HR team sends you a care basket, and the Sales team sets up a pre-heat drinking party! Do you know what's in the care basket, Katsuki?"

"Do I wanna know?"

"It's filled with sex toys, babe! SEX TOYS! From my company! They're branded!"

A spark lights up in Katsuki's otherwise vaguely concerned expression. "Don't they know you're mated?"

"Yes, of course, that was in my file," you wave him off, still seeing horror images of company branded sex toys floating in your mental vision. "I heard from Sasaki in Accounting that the toys are for when your mate needs a break. Y'know, from fucking."

Katsuki's derisive snort is loud and breaks you out of your personal hellhole. "What kinda fuckin' alpha needs a break when their mate needs 'em?"

"Well, not every alpha is a big strong Pro Hero like you," you point out, poking him on one annoyingly firm bicep. The familiar scent of caramel and smoke fills your nose. "And actually, maybe I should ask if they've got any onaholes for when you're the one in heat. Last time I needed another two days to recover."

"Hah?! There's no fucking way I'll use one of those!"

You peer up at your boyfriend reproachfully. "I like being able to walk, Katsuki."

"You don't need to fuckin' walk if I'm carryin' you everywhere, brat."

"Hmm, we'll see," you say. Katsuki's red eyes flash as you tap your bottom lip with your finger thoughtfully. "There's gotta be a way for me to take a week off work without telling them I'm going into heat."

"There's no way you'll be able to avoid it," Katsuki rumbles, leaning forward to catch your finger with his teeth. He nips at it lightly before leaning down more to capture your lips in a sweet kiss. That, more than anything, finally makes your anxiety simmer down. "You always smell so fucking good before it starts. Everyone's gonna notice."

"You're the only one who can do anything about it, though, so you'll have to keep it in your pants or quit picking me up after work."

"Not happening," Katsuki presses another kiss along your hairline and noses into the strands, sniffing deeply. It tickles, and you laugh, trying halfheartedly to shove him off of you. "What else do they give in these care packages?"

"Actually, besides the super cursed sex toys, they include really good snacks and electrolyte drinks to keep your energy up," you say, "and I'm really glad my company is so open about it all, but it's just so embarrassing!"

Katsuki hums, letting you vent out your worries. You look really pretty like this, dressed in one of his shirts and a pair of pajama shorts, some soft cotton thing that barely covers your perfect ass. He pulls your legs onto his lap and you flop backwards on the couch, moving on from your minor breakdown to sharing a funny story that happened to one of your new coworkers the other day. He had missed hearing about it then, stuck on overtime for a patrol, so he basks in your attention now as the two of you laze around on the couch.

The afternoon passes into evening. It's a rare lazy Monday together — your new job lets you have three day weekends in exchange for slightly longer work days, and Katsuki's patrol schedule happened to line up this week. You're digging into a pint of ice cream after polishing off a plate of his delicious (but spicy) curry and rice when it comes up again.

"What're you gonna do about your heat?"

"Well, I was thinking," you slide your spoon into the thick cream and wave it at him, "I'll still need to use my authorized heat cycle time off, since I want to save my vacation and comp time for real uses, so there's no avoiding the company finding out..."

Katsuki raises an eyebrow and accepts the spoonful of ice cream you're dangling in his face. His tongue pokes out to chase a bit of cream lingering on the edge of his lip and he grins, sharp, at the way your eyes track the movement. "But...?"

You have a feeling Katsuki hasn't fully thought through the horrors of corporate sponsored pleasure items, but you have, and the thought of everyone at your new company knowing you'll be getting fucked within an inch of your life makes you want to shrivel up and die. All companies have policies in place to protect time off for heat cycles, as society couldn't function otherwise, but this is the first place you've worked where impending heat cycles are declared company-wide. Normally it's just marked as time off.

"But they don't have to find out until after it starts, right? So as long as I can get through the pre-heat stuff without anyone noticing, I can avoid the cursed care package and company-wide email!"

"Ain't happening," Katsuki says flatly.

"We've been mated for sooo long now, babe," your gaze flicks up to meet his and you pout. Your boyfriend outright snorts when you start batting your eyelashes at him. "Surely you can resist the pre-heat symptoms this one time? I swear I'll get over my company's shenanigans once I see it happen to a few other people. It's really great how supportive they are, but I need some time, that's all."

"Your heat is in like. Two weeks," Katsuki says.

You pout up at him some more.

"During your last heat cycle we broke the mattress frame when I missed your first few pre-heat days."

"Yeah, but that was because you had that mission that went long," you say. If you could just... convince him... "C'mon, babe, this will be different! You're such a strong, powerful alpha — resisting me will be a piece of cake! Unless..." you pause and scoop another bite of ice cream into your mouth, "you're too weak to resist me."

"Are you callin' me weak?" Katsuki narrows his eyes. You wave your spoon casually and shrug.

"I mean... all you've gotta do is ignore my pre-heat. I'm just an itty bitty omega..."

Getting into a staring match with Pro Hero Dynamight is not on anyone's Top Ten Good Ideas list, but you match your boyfriend's red glare steadily.

"Alright, pipsqueak, you're on," Katsuki scoffs. "We'll see who's beggin' for who by the time your heat rolls around."

part two

[decolonize-the-everything]

If only 1/3 of voters of vote and only half of those voters are democrats why do people care when democrats say "nobody else would vote a 3rd party"?

You mean Democrats wouldn't, right? They represent barely half of 1/3 of voters. They absolutely do Not speak for everyone. There is still 80% of the fucking country remaining.

I'm not talking to democrats about my candidate or asking for their opinion anymore than democrats ask for approval from Republicans. Why have the rest of us given them the power to speak over us?

So if you are a Democrat, this post is not for you

"It's splitting the vote" when I try appealing to the 80% of the country that doesn't vote? Then why don't dems yell at Trump about splitting the vote?

Cuz they know those are Republicans™ and have fundamentally different beliefs than them. It's useless. The people voting for Republicans would have no interest in Democrats, right? There's no point.

Interesting 2/3 of the country doesn't vote in that context.

It's interesting that 2/3 of voters said they would vote for a 3rd party in that context.

The country does not support democratic politics anymore. Accept it. Democrats are not entitled to anyone's vote and other candidates are not required to step down just to let them win.

You know what I mean?

3rd parties absolutely have a shot is what I'm saying.

Democrats don't listen to Republicans who tell them how Biden is a pedophile and shouldn't get elected do they? Why the fuck do people who support 3rd parties listen to what democrats think about them??

Reminder Trump won the electoral college vote in 2016 with 304 votes. Clinton had 227. 7 people voted for someone else. 227+7=234. Less than 304 still. And Clinton won the popular vote by millions.

Clinton didn't lose because of 3rd party voters or non-voters. The election was not that close. She lost because Trump was more appealing than she was to voters.

So again, why are we letting the 16.5% of America that doesn't even like their own candidate tell 3rd parties that giving Americans another option is useless and "swaying the vote?"

Non-voters need to be motivated to the ballot box or they simply won't show up like they've been doing. And Clinton wasn't as motivating to voters as Trump was.

She lost because she did Not have any 3rd party/non-voter appeal and could not sway people from Trump's camp. She needed to do one or the other to win the election and she did neither.

Just like Kamala is doing because she also is a centrist democrat. And she too statistically appeals to way less people than Trump does.

You know what I think? It's time to tell democrats to get fucking stuffed.

Sorry but if Dem candidates can't get the support of the half the country and even their own party hates their candidates, why the fuck should anyone let democrats tell them how elections work?

"it's not realistic" oh but it's realistic for 16% of the country to hold the rest of us all hostage to stop Trump instead? Gtfoh.

Anyway

This is who I plan to vote for because fuck Biden and Trump. The remaining 2/3 of us need someone who's up to our standards and stands to actually motivate people to the ballot box.

This person motivates me.

Jasmine Sherman is doing a 24 hr live on tik tok right now (July 27, 2024) if you have any questions about their policy. They're also streaming it on twitch too if you'd like to tune in without using tiktok (links at the bottom). They'll be there until 10pm EST.

Some things they support:

Abolish police

Free Palestine, Free Sudan, Free DRC

Landback

Guaranteed housing

Reparations

Trans rights

Universal healthcare & healthcare reform

Universal basic income

Disability Rights

COVID regulations

Decriminalizing drugs & sw

And way way more!!

Tik tok live link: fatblacksocialist

If you are someone who usually doesn't vote and/or refuses to vote for genocide, please reblog this

[wingedjellyfishflight]

Sexual Harassment Training

Captain Price has a permanent scowl on his face today, it seems. You see him stomping around like a toddler on a rampage at lunch.

"What's got the Captain all bollocksed up? Did I say that, right?" Soap grins, then grimaces as he thinks about it. Standing together, you dump your trays before Soap leads you to the team meeting.

"Ya, doll, that's how you say it. He's like this every year. Mandatory sexual harassment training for everyone this afternoon." You ponder it for a minute.

"Why? Like, it's just something to sit through, right? It isn't like anyone is harassing our team."

He chuckles quietly and answers, "they aren't worried about the likes of me getting harassed, but that we will harass you, Princess." You elbow him and sit next to Ghost, who has saved you as seat per usual.

"Hey Luv, ready to be bored and insulted for a few hours?"

"Are these really that bad, Bruv?"

"They are, Crumpet. They really are."

"Hey! You need to address your coworkers with respect! Nicknames have no place in this organization, Mr..."

"Riley, Lieutenant Riley." Ghost stiffens up in his seat, restrained irritation pouring off of him. The woman from human resources turns toward you.

"Ma'am I have the form here to file a complaint when you feel up to it. No rush."

"Uhh... a complaint?" You stare at her in complete confusion as she brandishes a form at your face.

"Yes, no one should be treated with such disrespect. Talking down to coworkers is frowned upon." Her voice is condescendingly sweet, grating on your last nerve already. You stare at her for a moment before nodding, and Ghost tries to catch your eye, looking shocked.

"Pet... I mean, Sergeant. Do my nicknames make you feel uncomfortable? I will stop if they do. You never said anything, or I wouldn't have..."

"Hmm...? Oh no, but I will be filing a complaint." Turning toward the smirking woman, you ask, "what was your name again? Brenda McMasters? Perfect." You quickly fill out the paperwork before handing it over. She skims it with a smile, then freezes in place as she reads it more closely, her smile falling. She looks up at you, then back at the paper, reading it again and again as the words sink in.

"You- you can't file a complaint on me! I'm the one teaching you about sexual harassment! I'm here to make sure these brutes don't attack you!"

You shrug before responding, "I feel singled out by you due to my gender and your policing of the camaraderie between myself and my teammates. It is making me feel very uncomfortable, Ma'am." Her jaw is hanging open in complete shock.

You stand and turn to the Captain, watching you with a grin on his face at the front of the room. "I don't know if I feel comfortable being taught by someone who is sexist and clearly violating policy, Captain Price. May we request a different lecturer? I know it will mean rescheduling, but I don't think we should be learning about harassment from someone who has a complaint on file."

Captain Price has to smother his grin and bite back laughter at your innocent expression when Brenda turns toward him. "You are right, Sergeant. Ma'am, I will take that complaint and file it. It wouldn't be proper for you to file one on yourself, or it might go missing in transit." He gleefully plucks the paper from her hands and walks out. She follows, looking ill. You can hear her trying to get the Captain to stop and discuss the matter..

You lean on the table with a pleased look. "So, free afternoon, now. Any plans?" The team just stares at you, still processing what happened. You see Ghost staring down at the table and tap his hand. "You alright, Tiger?" He looks up, visibly distressed.

"The nicknames, do they bother you, Sergeant?" He needs to know now. The last thing anyone here wants is to disrespect you.

"Course not. Makes my day. The only things better are cuddling after a long day while we watch movies in the rec room or killing fucks on the field together. HR doesn't know what the fuck they're talking about, Bruv." Turning back to the rest of the team with a grin you say, "How about we sun up on Captain's grass? He won't be back for a bit anyway."

"You're playing with fire, Lamb. We're in."

[eggluverz]

danheng and reader are interns at the same company and there’s one sided beef from reader’s end cuz they’re trying to compete with him but he’s clueless and just thinks she’s hardworking and cute 😭

— THE INTERNS

In which you view your internship as a competition and Dan Heng is simply attracted to your hard work and determination.

PAIRING. dan heng x f!reader

WORD COUNT. 1788

GENRE. modern au. rivals? to lovers?

NOTE. ty anon for this super fun request!! <3 clueless dan heng the loml… and reader is so chaotic ngl alsjdkdl i hope u enjoy !! ^-^

“Can somebody handle the emails from the Realm-Keeping Commission?” Mr. Yang asked as he rushed through the intern’s cubicle area. He had a cup of tea in one hand and a handful of folders in the other. “They’ve had a recent breach of contract issue so we should be getting an influx shortly.”

“I can handle it!” you immediately spoke up, sparing your cubicle-mate a brief glance. You had a smile on your face but your eyes were urging him not to butt in.

Dan Heng smiled back. “I’ll help her.”

“Great.” Mr. Yang nodded in appreciation. “We have such hard-working interns this year.“

Your eye twitched as you replied, “Right. Great.”

Once the intern director left, you turned to glare at Dan Heng. He was nonchalantly typing on his computer, no doubt responding to the Commission’s emails already. A job that you should’ve been doing alone. Alongside a million other things that naturally came with being an unpaid intern.

You wanted to prove yourself here. The Astral Express was well known in the industry and you wanted nothing more than a job offer after the internship. But how could you possibly secure that when Dan Heng constantly stole your shine? You had to keep pushing. Keep striving to do more and impress your bosses.

“Hey, Y/N,” said Dan Heng. “If you have too much on your plate, I can take care of the emails today.”

Heat rose to your cheeks as you frowned in indignation. “You think I can’t handle it?”

He titled his head to the side. The innocent look on his face made you more upset. You couldn’t tell if he was making fun of you or if he truly believed you were someone pitiful who needed constant help.

“Of course you can handle it,” he reassured. “I don’t doubt that. I just don’t want you to take on too much of the workload. I’ve noticed you push yourself quite a lot.”

You shook your head. “I’m not pushing myself too much. I can do it.”

Dan Heng’s gaze softened. “You know yourself best. But I just hope you don’t overwork yourself too hard. We’re only unpaid interns, remember.”

You puffed your cheeks indignantly. Of course he could say something like that and still be a top performer. “Thanks for the consideration, but don’t worry about me. Now, if you’ll excuse me… I better get back to work.”

He only nodded in response.

As you started scanning through the emails on your computer, responding to the ones you have already finished, you felt Dan Heng still looking at you. You turned your face away from his desk so you wouldn’t be directly in his field of vision, unsure why he was staring but not really wanting to find out. Besides, you had more important things to get to. How could you possibly get more work done than Dan Heng if you were too busy worrying about why he kept looking at you?

Perhaps his innocence was a facade and he was playing mind games to slow you down.

With a huff of determination, you worked extra fast, not wanting to let his plan succeed. He’d have to do better than that to win.

˖⁺‧₊˚❀˚₊‧⁺˖

It was your lunch break the next day and for the first time since you started (except for those times Mr. Yang wanted to take the interns out for lunch), you were not eating at your desk to work through the lunch period.

Apparently, HR was visiting the office so you all had to follow all the policies, no matter how silly anyone found them.

Instead of your desk, you were eating at a shaded seating area outside of the office. If you weren’t going to work through your break, you might as well enjoy it and get a breath of fresh air while you were at it. With your high ambition and willingness to push yourself for this internship, you were aware it probably seemed like you were a workaholic of sorts. That wasn’t exactly true.

You saw the important of work-life balance and valued it, but you also figured an internship is where you were supposed to work extra hard. Then, once you secured the job, you would be free to relax.

You took a bite of your sandwich you packed as you stared off at the gently swaying trees in the distance.

“Hey.” You almost jumped at the sudden sound. “Can I join you?”

You slowly turned towards Dan Heng, blinking. First, he tormented you in the office as an intern who provided ample competition. Now, he wanted to torment you during your lunch too?

Despite your inner thoughts, you didn’t want to be rude. Deep down you knew he was also just an intern doing his best. You just had to do better.

“Sure,” you acknowledged. “Have a seat, nemesis.” The words escaped your mouth before you could stop yourself. “I mean… Dan Heng…”

His brows furrowed. “I find it hard to believe those two words could get confused so easily.”

You cleared your throat. “Not sure what you mean.” Before Dan Heng could respond, you changed the subject. “What did you bring for lunch?”

As he sat next to you, he showed you his opened tupperware. It contained the yummiest smelling food with very neat presentation. You figured it probably tasted even better than it smelled or looked.

“I packed a bento box for today.”

You looked down at your soggy sandwich. Was even lunch a competition to him? Did he have to be the best at everything? You vowed to look up the most intricate lunch recipe and show it off to him once you made it.

He looked at your sandwich wordlessly before taking a bite of tender meat.

Your face burned in shame.

Tomorrow, you told yourself. Tomorrow you’d show him.

˖⁺‧₊˚❀˚₊‧⁺˖

Today, your internship started around noon. It wasn’t a whole day of work and you knew fully well you didn’t need to pack lunch. Still, you stayed up all night perfecting this recipe and you had to show Dan Heng you were worthy competition as well. You even made enough servings to pack a meal for Dan Heng to try too.

Towards the middle of your shift, you walked over to his desk.

He paused his typing and looked up at you. “Can I help you?”

You held out a tupperware of your homemade food. “Look. I made this.”

Dan Heng’s eyes widened as he cautiously took the container from your hands. “For me?”

“Yeah. I saw your bento box yesterday and wanted to prove that I can also cook! Just like I can do all the work we’re assigned!”

Confusion was written all over his face but he still managed to smile. “First, thank you for making this for me.”

You looked at him, equally confused. Why did he sound so sincere? You simply wanted to prove a point. Not do something out of the kindness of your heart.

“Second,” he continued, “I do agree you can do all the work we’re given. Have I made you feel like I believe otherwise?”

“Not exactly… It’s just you keep offering to help me even when I say I’ll do it!” you explained passionately. “You keep trying to steal my work and do more than me!”

Dan Heng blinked, mouth opening then closing. He opened his mouth once more, trying again. “I wasn’t aware you viewed it as me stealing your work.” He rested his chin on his hand as he thought things through. “I didn’t want you overexerting yourself so I was only trying to help ease your workload… I’m sorry for undermining your hard work.”

“You’re not doing it on purpose?”

“No. I admire your determination and how you always step up to the task— I would never want to take away from that,” he said earnestly. His stare was unwavering as he looked into your eyes. “I more than admire it, actually. I find it quite attractive even.”

You gaped at him, unmoving. “Huh?”

“Attractive, endearing, cute… Do you need more synonyms?”

“Me?” You pointed at yourself.

Dan Heng nodded. “Well, I was referring to your work ethic. But yes. You as well.”

You bashfully stood up straighter. “You’re not too bad yourself, I suppose.”

That wasn’t a lie. You did find Dan Heng rather attractive. His hair was dark and messy, falling around his eyes in a way you could only describe as perfectly framing the vibrant blues. He had a pretty face and a serious demeanor that initially drew you to him— Until he started competing (as you saw it, at least) with you in your internship.

As you stared at each other in silence, Mr. Yang came in with a stack of papers. “Good afternoon, everyone. Can someone run an audit of the company’s stocks?”

You jumped up, startled. You didn’t except to be interrupted like that, but you quickly regained your composure, rushing over to him to grab the papers. A part of you was thankful for the distraction, but another part of you wanted to see where it would’ve lead. “I can do the audit!”

“Great, thank you!” he said in acknowledgment before rushing back out.

Once Mr. Yang left, Dan Heng turned to you and said, “Let me know if you need any help. I’m here if you need.”

You smiled. Now that you knew he wasn’t trying to best you, you were much more open to the idea of working together. “Sure, I’d love some help.” You paused and Dan Heng raised one brow. Though it came from the heart and the sentiment was there, you both knew it wasn’t completely true. You still did want to be the very best after all. “Well… You can help, but only a little though.”

Dan Heng laughed, accepting the small stack of papers you gave him, not even one fourth as tall as your pile. “I wouldn’t expect anything less from you.”

You hummed in agreement. Before focusing on your work, you thought of one small thing to ask him. “Hey, Dan Heng?”

“Yes?”

“Maybe next week you can bring me some lunch, too? Or, maybe we could go out for dinner even…”

“I’d love to,” Dan Heng smiled and it was the widest grin you’ve seen on his face thus far, “if you give me more of your paperwork.”

You gasped, feeling thoroughly tricked. So he did want to beat you—?

“That way, we can finish sooner and I can take you to dinner tonight.”

Your train of thoughts stopped in their tracks as a light chuckle escaped your lips. “Fine,” you agreed, finding yourself strangely looking forward to having dinner with him. “But just this once, okay?”

“Of course.”

dan heng: *stares at reader*

reader: he’s playing mind games to make me nervous and slow me down

dan heng: she’s hardworking and passionate and so cute u.u

[laurentidal]

Monitored Activity

The email had come from IT right at the beginning of the workday with the subject line "Attn HR. Problematic Monitored Activity."

Dear Miss Villanova, In accordance with company policy, we are writing to inform you that employee Joseph Ulish was found to be acting in violation of the company's internet usage policies during our last audit of online activity. We are attaching evidence for your review and action. Thank you, Martin Shore, IT Dept. Head

Lily gave a long sigh. It was the first time an employee had been caught looking at porn on company time, though it was certainly bound to happen eventually. She took a breath and gave herself a little hope. Who knows. Maybe it wasn't porn at all. Maybe Joe was on poker stars or he was shit talking the company on social media.

But as she opened the attached list of websites, she knew that those hopes were false ones.

Sixty-two websites were enumerated and organized by the date of first access. Accompanying the list was a breakdown of how many times each site had been visited and how long he had spent there. Lily whistled softly to her empty office. With these kind of numbers, it was a miracle Joe had gotten any work done. At the very least, he should be getting fired for theft of time.

She opened the first site and was shocked to see only text. Only a glance would tell you that it was almost certainly smut, but still. If he was going to try to get away with porn at work, text was certainly the most effective method for staying under the radar. And what exactly was "erotic mind control?" Out of curiosity, Lily found herself reading the whole way through the story. She wasn't too prudish to admit to herself that he might have been onto something here. Certainly not appropriate for work! But this was certainly… having an effect, shall we say. Perhaps there was some unidentified fetishes still hiding in that brain of hers.

Site number two was actual porn. Just straight up pornography videos. She closed it quickly, lingering just long enough to catch sight of a few choice body parts. She was human after all.

Sites three through eighteen were all social media pages once again dedicated to this mind control stuff. It seemed there were an impossible number of sub-genre's to this already incredibly niche thing. Lily was fascinated. The pages were stories and videos and audio notes. Most fascinating were the pages seemingly dedicated entirely to flashing gifs and spinning graphics. She found herself scrolling through them slower and slower.

She never noticed when her left hand had left her keyboard.

More porn. More smut. More porn. More spirals. More spirals. More spirals.

By the time Lily reached the fiftieth website, her pants were around her ankles. She didn't know how many times she'd brought herself to completion. Her eyes were glassy and unblinking. The words in the stories and the images and comics burned into her psyche. And oh. The spirals.

The spirals.

She wished she could stop and stare at each one forever. But she had a job to do. She had a list to complete. Link sixty-two opened to a website that Joseph had accessed just this morning before she'd arrived. The site was a full screen spiral. Black and white with streaks of red and blue that made it seem more real than reality. And in the middle there was a button that simply read "Submit?"

She clicked it immediately. The button disappeared, leaving her staring at the spiral alone. She had no more work to do. The list was complete. She could just stay like this forever.

The door to her office opened and Joseph entered, followed by Martin.

"I'm so happy you were the one who got to review my file, Miss Villanova," Joseph said. He snapped his fingers and Martin locked the office door and began to undress. "Martin here was the first to comb through my activities. He did just a good job cataloging everything, don't you think? He had to look so long and so close to compile that report. He was shooting his first load before he'd finished reading that first story, weren't you?"

"Yes, Master," Martin said dully as the pair approached.

"He tastes quite nice, Lily," Joseph said right in her ear as she helplessly masturbated to the spiral. "You'll see."

Thanks for reading! If you are a fan of my work, consider buying me a coffee. Any contribution is insanely appreciated. 💖

[thezombieprostitute]

'Tis the Season, Sir

A/N: Written for Vee's Holly Jolly Challenge (@sstan-hoe). Reader is implied fem (Ms. Y/N). No physical descriptors used.

Prompts - Steve Rogers - CEO AU

Summary: CEO Steve Rogers is a real grinch and gets upset when he keeps noticing your seasonal attire that is technically within dress code regulations.

"Y/N. My office," Steve barked at you as he walked by your desk. You follow without hesitation, bringing your notepad and pen for the notes you undoubtedly were about to take.

You sit in the chair across from his desk but he stands at the windows of his office.

"Ms. Y/L/N," he starts, "are you aware of the dress code policy for this office?"

"Yes, Mr. Rogers. I went through them rather recently."

"Is that so," he asked, turning towards you like a predator. "Then why are you dressed like you are?"

You shake your head, "’Tis the season, sir. I made sure to go through the updated handbook just to make sure I was still compliant with company policy."

Steve pulls out a physical copy of the handbook. You start at the sound of him slamming it on his desk, "then show me where it says you can wear that stupid holiday jewelry."

While you didn’t have the exact policy numbers memorized, you knew how to find them. You got to the pages on corporate dress code and read aloud, “employee personal effects should be minimal and not detract from the professional appearance expected of them. I’ve been wearing this jewelry for weeks and you only just now noticed. No one else has said anything or acted differently around me so clearly they’re minimal enough.”

“Weeks? I know you haven’t been wearing that jewelry for weeks,” Steve complained. “You are lying right to my face.”

“How do you know I haven’t been wearing this set,” you asked, eyebrow raised.

Steve sees the trap you’ve set and attempts to sidestep, “I would’ve noticed that obnoxious holiday stuff before.”

“And yet you didn’t,” you assert. “Not just you, but others in the office. Even clients haven’t commented because I made sure to only wear things that would gently accent, not stand out. Face it, Mr. Rogers, if you had a case against me, I’d be meeting with HR. Not you!”

Steve sits down grumbling something about hating the holidays. You don’t pounce on his words, you know how these games work. The less you say, the less he has to use against you. He dismisses you with a growl and you quickly return to your desk.

As the holiday gets closer you’re more aware than ever of Steve’s eyes on you. Just about all the other women in the office (and some of the men) were quite jealous of the attention you were getting. You were tempted to tell them the secret but didn’t want to risk getting someone fired based on your bad advice. For all you knew, someone would get in trouble for actually breaking the dress code and blame you for it. That could be grounds for you to be fired as well and you know you have to be extra careful.

You find yourself working later than usual most days. With an upcoming holiday a lot of people are planning to be out of the office so a lot of projects need to be worked on if not outright finished. You straddle the fine line between helping your coworkers and not doing their work for them, mostly handling data entry stuff that’s time intensive drudgery. You get to pick up extra hours and catch up on your podcasts while they get time to prepare for family get-togethers and buying gifts. 

It’s definitely after hours on the day before Christmas Eve. You stretch away from your computer and are surprised when your hands hit someone. It’s Steve, and he does not look happy. You take off your headphones and hear him snarl, “my office. Now.” You suppress the urge to roll your eyes and grab a pen and paper before following him. 

When you sit down in his office sits across from you and asks, “why are you doing everyone else’s work?”

“I’m only doing the data entry type of work that takes time, not brains,” you reply as calmly as you can. “I’ve made sure that everyone I help knows that I’m just doing the little things. They still have to do all of their primary work functions, the things that require thought, tact, personal touches and know-how. Everything was manager approved.”

“And why are you doing this?” With how tight his jaw is, you can tell he’s eager to unleash his anger. You have to handle this delicately.

“Primarily to prevent mistakes and lapses in timelines due to worker stress and fatigue.”

He blinks a few times, clearly not expecting your answer. He opens and shuts his mouth a few times as he tries to think of a response. Finally he’s able to ask, “are they so overworked?”

“No, sir,” you’re quick to reply. “It’s mainly a holiday thing. The work-life balance is a lot harder for many people to maintain this time of year. Whether it’s buying gifts, cooking, baking, visiting or even having to attend all the kids' plays and events, the holidays just make it difficult to find the balance. I help people in my department because I understand that. The overtime doesn’t hurt either. I’ve got loans to pay.”

His brows furrow, his confusion growing, “I would’ve thought you had plenty of holiday things to attend to yourself.”

“I actually don’t do much for the holidays.”

“But…your jewelry?”

“I think the jewelry looks pretty and I don’t get to wear it much because it’s Christmas themed. Doesn’t work well at other times of the year.”

“Ms. Y/L/N you flummox me.” 

“Why? Just because I don’t celebrate doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the aesthetics. My hours have me walking to the bus when it’s dark out. All those pretty lights people hang? That the city hangs? They’re lovely! They make the commute, the longer nights, so much more bearable. Yeah, it’s cold and snowy, but the decorations, the looks of wonder on kids’ faces? Warm me right up. It’s a nice light in the growing darkness of the season.”

Steve doesn’t respond, seemingly lost in thought.

“If there’s nothing else, Mr. Rogers,” you say, standing up, “I’m going to go ahead and get back to work.” 

He dismisses you with a wave.

It's the day after Christmas and the office open, though you're probably the only person actually in the building. You genuinely enjoy the quiet of everyone being out the week between Christmas and New Year's. You don't hate the people at your office, but there's just something special about working without having to worry about someone wanting to talk to you.

Well, normally you wouldn't have to worry about it. You're startled out of your thoughts by Steve knocking on the wall of your cubicle.

"I want to apologize," he states. "You were right about your jewelry, earlier. It is well within the dress code guidelines. I hate the holidays and I took it out on you and I'm sorry for that."

"Apology accepted, sir," you smile back at him.

"Just that easy?"

"Well, 'tis the season, sir."

Steve smiles at that, "I was definitely expecting more of a smug response or that I would have to earn the acceptance of my apology. I even got you a gift to apologize."

"I'll accept the gift as well," you smile up at him.

He chuckles and hands you a small jewelry box. You open it and are delighted to see a pair beautiful, colorful pair of seasonal earrings. You quickly put them on and thank him for the gift.

He smirks and responds, "'tis the season."

[hiemaldesirae]

Okay, so everyone is all cursed cat Alastor *hates* Vox...but what if It absolutely ADORES Vox? What if it's just like Alastor's Shadow, and it holds ALL of the emotions Alastor won't show? So it's ALL over Vox? Vox can't get a moment alone, cursed cat!Alastor is ALWAYS with him. Following him, loving on him. Only allows Vox to pet him...attacks regular Alastor when he attacks Vox, actually *defeating him.* (Alastor hates that Cat. And is ridiculously jealous.)

oh i endorse this 100%. i wrote a little snippet for it even LMFAO

it gets a tad long so ill leave it under the cut. it is mostly word vomit but . you know.. hopefully u guys enjoy :)

"We should really consider just putting the poor thing out of its misery," Alastor shoots a glare at the curled up lump on the carpet, its foaming mouth bound with rope, even as it chews furiously at its restraints. "Why, if we didn't, we would be violating our own 'no pets' policy!"

"Alastor..." Charlie frowns at her hotelier, before chancing a hesitant glance back at the creature. "Look, no one's perfect, right? Can't we try giving the cat a chance, at least?"

The other residents in the room- Angel, Husk, Vaggie, and even Lucifer himself- all give her blank eyed stares, Angel and Husk in particular rolling up their sleeves to show off the long, deep gouges in their arms.

"Charlie, honey, I think I speak for everyone here when I say you should just let Alastor get rid of it," Vaggie grimaces. "I know you love animals and all, but that- *thing* isn't safe to be around."

"What? Come on, it's sweet!" Charlie turns around, her back to the creature as she motions to it, completely unawares of the furry animal finally chewing through the final bit of rope as it lunges for her, much to the horror of the other hotel inhabitants.

An hour later, Alastor finds himself and his shadow traversing the streets of Pentagram City with the creature held securely in his shadow's grip. "Hmm... so, then, where should we dispose of this little pest? Ah, I have an idea."

He snaps his fingers and in a moment, reappears in a cloud of black, smokey shadow- right in front of the Vee's tower. With a swift motion to his shadow attendant, his doppelganger releases the cat-like creature from its claws, the feral little creature immediately charging the doors of the tower once it's let free. Alastor barely manages to hold back a snort before he once more steps back into the shadows- tomorrow, he'd check back again and see how it was going for Vox. With any luck, the results would be entertaining.

Vox gets the notification in the middle of a meeting. It takes merely the wave of his hand to dismiss the investors and step out, rolling his eyes as he prepares to deal with Val or Vel's shit again for the twentieth time today.

"What is it now...?" He frowns down at his phone, before noticing his assistant's contact on the phone. "Dei? What is it? Did something happen to Lis?"

"Uh, no, it's not anything like that, Sir," the aquatic sinner responds nervously. "Though, um... well, we have a little bit of an emergency, kind of. Not... really, since it's mostly under control now, but we lost a few employees in the scuffle--"

"Just tell me what happened," Vox heaves a long suffering sigh as he presses a claw to his screen, ready to send out apology gift baskets to HR again.

"Um. Well, there is a... Populis calls it a cat, but I'm quite sure it's not any sort of 'typical' animal at all, especially since it has antlers and a monocle... anyway. There's this... *creature* just kind of running around on the main floor, and it took out about five workers before Baxter managed to subdue it."

Vox blinks once, then twice, and then sighs again. "I swear to fucking God- okay, go and contact HR so they can get you all tested for rabies or whatever the fuck it is down in Hell, and I'll come to deal with the fucking cat thing."

"Yes, sir," Dei replies dutifully before the line goes dead. Vox groans before schooling himself and his expression and disappearing into a flash and electric current, teleporting all the way down to the first floor of the Vee's tower.

"S-sir!" Papermint comes running toward him first, looking worried. "Um... so, uh, when Dei went to get the cat creature, it sort of attacked him too--"

"For fucks sake, do none of you know how to do your job properly?" Vox pinches his screen again, thoroughly done. It was fucking Tuesday and he was already hoping for the end of the week. Get rich and famous, they told you. It'll be fun, they told you. Fun his fucking ass-- he has to spend his morning sitting through investment meetings and now, having to deal with a rabid Hell animal and the fact that it was mowing down his workers like some sort of demented lawnmower. Fucking great, just what he needed.

He stomps into the main hallway with the little eel sinner trailing awkwardly behind him, eyes widening in surprise as he takes in the scene before him.

On the ground, his main assistants Dei and Populis grapple with a tiny red animal.

It... looks somewhat like a cat, if a cat had an unholy union with whatever kind of deer Alastor was. And it also had a monocle, and was foaming at the mouth (yeah, definitely rabies), while his tech administrator Baxter stood to the side and watched with a bucketful of popcorn in hand. Logi, possibly the only normal sinner he had under his employment, was trying her damnednest to pull the cat- who, by the way, was winning the fight with BOTH his assistants- off of Dei, whose ear was currently in its mouth.

"I really need a drink," Vox groans before he rolls his sleeves up and walks forwards into the fray, the air around him crackling with static electricity as he intends to separate the fighters, whether with force or not- but to his surprise, he doesn't need to use any force at all.

Instead, when the little cat creature sees him, its eyes light up before it lets go of Dei's ear, the manta ray sinner letting out a groan of relief before collapsing onto the floor, the other assistants rushing to help him up. The cat, on the other hand, leaps up at Vox, who instinctively catches it in his arms. It purrs as it rubs against him, seemingly no longer hostile towards any of the other sinners in the room.

Vox stares down at the cat. It stares up at him, then grins.

It's... kind of cute, actually. In a really weird, freaky way.

"Uh... boss?" Baxter raises an eyebrow as he looks at the cat held securely in Vox's arms, then at the gaggle of sinners trying to make sure that Dei doesn't bleed out. "You gonna help, or...?"

Vox rolls his eyes before he sends a bolt of electricity over at the sinner and burns the bite, effectively cauterizing and closing the wound. "I'll have HR deal with it and get Dei a week's worth of paid recovery. Any more than that and I'm not covering it. You guys just get back to work after the cleanup crew comes, got it?"

He sighs down at the creature in his arms as he walks out of the main lobby, frowning to himself. "What am I going to do with you...? I've got a fitting with Dorian later, and he's *definitely* not gonna allow you in... and what the hell do you even eat, anyway? Better not be my workers- and oh dear god, I've got Vark, too, I can't believe I forgot about him-"

Still, even as he grumbles to himself, Vox can't help but recognize the truth: no matter what difficulties this little shit brings him, he's definitely keeping it.

A week's worth of time passes before Alastor finally finds some free time to go off and take a look at how his *esteemed* rival has been doing. He's half expecting half the Entertainment District to be destroyed by the time he returns, but there's nothing of the sort. In fact, business seems to be going about as usual... but then again, this may be one more of the TV demon's methods of avoidance. Vox *was* always a good actor, after all-- even if his own life was falling apart, he would never let that show.

So with that reassurance settled in himself, Alastor decides to take a risky move and get in closer range to his target- he slips into the shadows surrounding the crowd of reporters gathering around the ground floor of the Vee's Tower, clamouring for the chance to see the Media Overlord in the flesh.

Strangely, they all seem more chatty today-- Alastor didn't recall any sort of holiday being today, so it seemed that there was more information to be heard... and *that* was surprising, the revelation that something interesting may have happened while he was gone. Was it perhaps because of the hellspawn he'd dropped off a week earlier?

His question is answered not even a moment later, when Vox steps out of the doors, a confident grin on his face and a small, hissing red creature draped around his neck like a scarf.

Alastor's eye twitches.

Did he *keep* the damned thing? And why the *fuck* was he absentmindedly petting its fucking ears?! *That should have been him!*

[thedreadvampy]

hahaha sweet vindication I went to a fuckin. uh so we have an inclusion and diversity working group at work and a subgroup of that which meets separately for LGBT+ inclusion. which is the fun one. the party group.

anyway got onto the teams call and both the other people in the room were already talking about how fucked up the last Inclusion and Diversity meeting was. you know the one where I suggested we might be a bit overwhelmingly white at 98% White People On Staff and maybe we should do something about it and the senior director pitched a defensive fit and started talking about how it's "never been a priority" in the fully white room of people driving the diversity agenda and how it's FINE because we sometimes work with BAME client groups and maybe people of colour just don't WANT to work here for NO PARTICULAR REASON? that meeting?

very nice to hear that everyone except the two people getting defensive left that meeting going WHAT THE FUCK and immediately went to talk to their colleagues about the whiteness problem in this workplace.

so the HR team are now talking among themselves about how to emphasise that it does need to be a priority, two Asian members of staff have sent emails to the I&D group diplomatically saying "hey here's why the overwhelming whiteness is a deeply affecting problem for me and makes me feel unsafe at work", and in the LGBT group we are discussing how to use the budget we already have allocated for improving LGBT+ inclusivity to Trojan horse in some data gathering that will demonstrate that no actually the problem is not "mysterious whiteness" there's an addressable systemic issue

so once again "being too angry to let it go" is playing out positively. my friends. start shit when people talk shit, is my policy 😘 saying 'hey that seems fucked up' in a meeting where nobody else is saying it has almost always, in my experience, had the effect of other people going YEAH ACTUALLY IT IS FUCKED UP I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY PERSON THINKING THAT WE SHOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT

cause managers love to make you feel like you're being ridiculous and Just Don't Understand and if you speak up everyone will laugh at you. but you understand fine! and if you ask a polite question, either someone will have an obvious answer to give you and you can move on, or, more often, they won't have a good answer and other people will be like 'hey yeah that's a shit answer! why did we accept that as obvious?'

in my entire professional life this 'if you feel uncomfortable with something, question it out loud' approach has gone wrong like. a single figure number of times. and right almost every time. is all I'm saying. not cause I'm usually right but cause it requires people to think about what they're saying.

[justanotherrpmeme]

Office Romance starters

"Did you hear about [name] and [name]? They're dating now." "I knew something was going on between them. They've been so secretive lately." "Well, it's against company policy. They're playing with fire." "I can't believe they're risking their jobs for a relationship." "I heard they got caught making out in the break room." "Seriously? That's so unprofessional." "I hope HR doesn't find out. It'll be a mess." "I wonder how they're going to handle it if things don't work out." "They'll have to see each other every day, even if they break up." "I bet they're regretting getting involved at work now." "They should have known better than to mix business with pleasure." "I heard [name] got transferred to a different department." "I guess that's one way to deal with it." "It must be awkward for them now." "I wonder if they'll still try to see each other outside of work." "I hope they don't get fired over this." "It's a shame, really. They seemed happy together." "Well, they knew the risks when they started dating at work." [CAUGHT] - The sender walks in on the receiver and their romantic partner in a compromising position. [REQUEST] - The sender hands the receiver a form for transferring to a different department or location to avoid conflict. [RUMOR] - The sender spreads gossip about the romantic relationship between the receiver and their colleague. [COVER-UP] - The sender helps the receiver cover up evidence of their office romance to avoid getting caught by HR. [DATE] - The sender invites the receiver to lunch outside of the office, away from prying eyes. [REPRIMAND] - The sender delivers a stern reprimand to the receiver for violating company policy regarding office relationships. [TEXT] - The sender sends a discreet text message to the receiver, arranging a meeting after work. [COFFEE] - The sender offers to go on a coffee run with the receiver, using the opportunity for a private conversation.

[fuck-customers]

(cracker anon!)

how many times do i have to tell people that i have my phone because of an emergency and i'll have it for maybe two more days. after a certain time i genuinely put it away because i assume everything is alright (IE: it's usually between 5-7 PM, today (7/21) i was looking at it for a while tbf, i should have put it away, but i was still doing my damn job) and i'm cool to keep working. HR knows i'm gonna have it until then just in case, because monday is the latest i'm gonna know anything.

why are people gunning to rat on other people for some digital points on some stupid app, genuinely. everyone there is buddy buddy and cheese the app for it anyway because they give each other all points they have for the week, and despite me helping anyone and everyone when i can, i get fuckall. i get told on for stupid shit.

if hr pulls me in i'm asking to go to a different shift because this genuinely is starting to feel hostile, and i don't want to lose THIS job because people want some fucking internet points for things you can't afford until you get over 100k anyway.

if i didn't get told on, great for me, i guess (and i sure hope i didn't. lmao) ! but if i did i'm bringing up supervisors and leads having phones on the floor despite having phones on poles and WALKIES because that's a literal safety issue according to policy. if they can't follow policy, then a lot of other people are gonna follow suit. and imo, they can't really do shit about it if they're allowing them to have them and not anyone else.

Posted by admin Rodney

[tacosaysroar]

5

Did you know U.S. expats have to renounce citizenship to stop paying taxes? So if I moved out of the country on a work visa, I’d still pay taxes to the U.S.* for as long as I lived. That’s bonkers to me — and we should have WAY better public resources if all of our expats are still funding us. (Willfully ignoring you, enormous military force! I mean other resources, like education and social programs.)

I listened to a podcast recently all about feijoas and now I’m desperate to try one.

Work drama continues. HR has officially recommended my manager change my rating and several big wigs are now involved. I can’t believe how long it’s taking to resolve this.

My first content piece went to the PR agency yesterday. They always have edits, that’s part of the process — they went two rounds with the writer my nightmare manager loves (which he took like a cat being forced into a full bathtub) — but they loved my piece. ZERO edits. My work partner made sure to point that out to both the nightmare manager and the beloved writer (who treats me like this is my first job).

It would be nice to win them over, but at this point I’m just collecting a paper trail of accomplishments to present as evidence if the nightmare manager tries to give me another shitty review or get me fired. I’d love to leave and wash my hands of the whole thing, but I need to stay long enough for [redacted] to happen. So I have to make the best of it — while continuing to search for internal job openings.

Having plans in my calendar over the next several months to see NFA and my family — mostly in warm, sunny places — is doing wonders for my sanity.

*Eritrea and Myanmar also have this policy, and THAT’S IT. Every other country is like, “Bye! Enjoy not paying taxes on services you don’t use! Have a good life!”

[ultimaratiovaccinium]

"Do you... enjoy this?"

Shit.

I need to deflect, but when I open my mouth, all that comes out is a low moan. I feel so... massive. I can barely think.

"The first time, I was just worried about you. The second time... I just thought it was a weird coincidence. But now," she gestures at all of me with both hands. It's a big gesture. "Three times feels like more than coincidence."

She's not wrong. I've got to say something.

"I've known other people who've gotten blown up, you know? And after they get... you know, fixed, they've- they've all developed phobias, or left town, or gone through really intense therapy. But you," she says, placing a palm on my exposed belly, "have been completely unfazed. You just keep coming back for more."

My skin feels electric where she touches me. Everything is so full and tight, every little brush of breeze against my exposed skin is searing pleasure. I moan again, and she whips her hand away like she'd laid it on a hot stove.

"Sorry! I know I shouldn't be so casual about this. I should really call someone to come help you." She starts patting her pockets looking for her phone. "Sorry," she says again, then she stops. She looks back up at me.

"Should I even call for help? I should, right?"

Is that even a question?

"But what if you just do this again?"

Ouch. I've been lax, I guess, but I haven't been doing this on purpose! I mean... I have thought about it, but... it hasn't been intentional.

I think.

"It just takes up my time. The medical crew's time. Company resources." She looks conflicted. "Maybe I should just leave you like this."

Oh.

I try to plead my case, deny it, but all that comes out is a halfhearted "Nnnnnnnnnn-" before she cuts me off again. I'm just too full to speak.

"I could have you transferred to taste-testing," she muses. "Putting up with weird shit is, like, their whole job description." She starts dialing on her phone. Someone answers promptly.

"Hey, you'll never guess what happened again. Yeah, again again. Third time. Yup, big enough to roll, for sure."

She absentmindedly pats my belly with her free hand, like I'm some sort of bad boy you could fit so many things in. It's thrilling, that small touch. I nearly lose it, right then and there. Thankfully though, she remembers I'm a person just in time to give me an apologetic look before clearing her throat and returning to her call.

"Can you see if R&D has any openings for a QA Consultant? I know, right? All my ideas are good ideas. She's clearly more interested in being a giant balloon full of wasted product than an accountant."

I guess she's not wrong.

"No, no need for a trip to the squeezer. Put a note in her file that she's only to be reduced if she asks for it explicitly. Maybe have them bring a safe-suit, too. Hm?"

She looks me up and down. It's a long, curious look.

"No idea what size. Big. Really, really big. Yeah. One of the ones with the belt. Mhm. Yeah, she's not exactly naked, but... yeah, let's not give HR anything to complain about. Right. Yes, I'll follow up with her landlord and emergency contacts as needed. Yup. Thanks. See ya."

She turns back to me. She takes another long look, and then sighs.

"Congratulations on your promotion," she says, with a weird mixture of sincerity and irony. "We'll obviously miss you in Finance, but we're happy that you'll be rolling onward to bigger opportunities."

Oh good, she's got jokes.

"Sorry, sorry, I shouldn't make fun. Company policy is to treat this as a medical emergency, so I'll be staying with you until help arrives."

She checks her phone again.

"If you want, I can come visit you once you get settled in? I know I've always been happy to see friendly faces amidst all the strangeness of a new job."

She looks up at me again, sadly this time.

"I was looking forward to getting to know you better, you know? I noticed how you started dressing differently after your first... incident. HR would probably have something to say about how much I was... noticing. I thought maybe you were trying to get away from the trauma by being more poised and put-together."

She kicks her heels off and slides down the wall until she's sitting, obscured by the curve of my body.

"Oh well. Probably better for everyone that I didn't start hitting on a coworker."

Wait.

"Especially not one who keeps finding excuses to swell up until she's spherical," she adds, wearily.

Fair.

"I really should have seen this coming, shouldn't I? I mean, you've been touring the factory floor on your lunch break weekly. That's on me, I guess."

She hops back to her feet. "I think I hear the Medical folks." She brushes her skirt out, and looks me in the eyes one last time. "Hey, listen... I'll see you a-round."

She smiles and rolls her eyes at her own terrible pun, and walks away.