#possible consequences of prioritizing others over yourself etc.

[starastrologyy]

Astrology Notes 🪐

Hi everyone :) My chart readings are still open! The link is in my bio for those who are interested 🤍 My reading reviews are on my Masterlist :)

When your Solar Return Mars is in the 6th house, this is likely to be a very productive year. However, you need to make sure you’re taking care of your health and not overworking yourself. Burnout and poor health will often emerge in such a year, if you are not prioritizing your health and peace.

If you have the ruler of your midheaven in the 10th house, you may own your own business or be in a managerial position at your job. People who reach great heights in the careers often have this placement. It is also possible that you may work in a traditionally ‘prestigious’ or well respected career. Examples are working as a doctor, lawyer, CEO of a successful company etc…

If you have the ruler of your 8th house in the 4th, you may find that you make a lot of money investing in real estate. This is also a placement that can suggest receiving an inheritance from a family member.

Saturn transiting your 3rd house can be a very somber time in your life. You may feel unmotivated or prone to feelings of loneliness and melancholy during this time. Similar to Saturn transiting the 9th house, your outlook on life in general may not always be the most pleasant during this time. Nevertheless, this can be a good time to enroll in a short course or some kind of educational program.

Saturn in the 9th house of a composite chart can be that the two people have very different belief systems and that consequently causes restrictions within the relationship. However, it can also be the opposite. Meaning, the thing that “binds” the couple together is in fact their shared belief systems. Saturn in the 9th is also common to see in the composite charts of couples who are long distance or those who travel long distances together(couples who travel to different countries together).

Something so interesting is that we often have aspects or placements that are associated with the sign over one or both of our parents 5th house cusp. For example, your mother may have Uranus in the 5th house, and you may have an Aquarius Sun, Moon, or rising. Alternatively, it could be that Uranus aspects many of your other placements. I know this may not apply to everyone, but look into your parent’s birth charts! You may be surprised!

A new romantic or business relationship can often start when your Progressed Moon makes a conjunction to your natal descendent. This is especially true if it is a “progressed new moon”. Meaning, your progressed moon is making a conjunction to your natal sun.

Moon square Mars synastry can at times be difficult (especially if it occurs at an orb that is less than 3 degrees) because the Moon person may perceive the Mars person as being insensitive, harsh, or even impulsive. Whereas the Mars person can view the Moon person as being overly sensitive. In a romantic relationship, this aspect can add to the attraction. However, if there are no mitigating factors there can be hurt feelings over time.

When someone’s Mercury falls into your 12th house in synastry, you may feel comfortable opening up to them, and telling them things you would not ordinarily tell someone else. You could often talk about spirituality, mental health, and things you prefer to keep “hidden” from others. At times you may even feel like they can “read your mind” or easily sense what you’re thinking.

People with the North Node in the 7th house tend to be hyper independent (South Node 1st house). Thus, actively dedicating time to connect meaningfully with others is a big part of their karmic destiny here on earth. There is a tendency to self isolate with a 1st house south node, especially when the individual is struggling in any capacity.

On the topic of isolation, those who have the ruler of their Ascendant in the 12th house are also inclined to isolate themselves from the world when struggling. Escapist behaviors can also be high with this placement. However, these are some of the most compassionate and resilient people you will meet.

People with Mars retrograde in their charts may struggle when it comes to the manner in which they express anger/their drive. These people can often hold onto anger for extended periods of time only to let it all out at once. Thus, their anger can often seem misplaced or to come from “out of the blue”.

[dykesynthezoid]

Are your politics really that “radical” if you actively still refuse to deconstruct the hegemonic colonialist idea that “might makes right” and that violence is the only truly effective strategy for liberation. Like is it really

The more I start to prioritize non-violence in my politics the more I realize how many leftists who scream and shout about opposing colonialism, about bringing low existing hierarchy, about how much they hate this country etc, have actively not deconstructed some pretty fundamental colonialist ideas. Some pretty fundamentally American ideas, at that. They continue to center themselves in world politics. They continue to see violence as inherently “justified” (whatever that may mean) as long as it’s the “good guys” who are doing it. They continue to see “defense” as the same thing as violent offense. They continue to value the social control and power they can wield over others more than they do helping people. They continue to see the world in terms of domination and destruction rather than investing in ideas of reparation and renewal.

“What, so you think people can’t fight back? That’s just siding with the oppressor!”

I’d be interested to know where I said resistance is wrong. At this point I try not to even approach the idea of violent revolution with moral judgement, frankly. More and more I seek to remove the element of my own moral perceptions from these things (sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don’t. I’m only human). Besides, what would it matter for me, as a singular person, to think somebody’s actions are “wrong”? What weight does that actually carry?

What I can say is that, in practice, violence has consequences. In practice, it has a tendency to compound upon itself. In practice, spontaneous self-defense, and even organized community defense, looks very different than a hyper-organized, hierarchical, premeditated violent offense. In practice, the most vulnerable of any population are always the ones who pay the most consequences for violent action, even if that is not the intention. In practice, people use the chaos of violence to enact their own personal goals. In practice, you cannot trust that every person you resist with would not take advantage of that chaos to bolster themselves, to continue the cycle of one party dominating another. In practice, violence may not even be as effective as you actually think it is.

I’m tired of asking what is right and wrong. I’m tired of asking what is “justified” or, god forbid, (cue the Ursula K. Le Guin quote) ���deserved.” Instead I consider what actually matters: what is harmful and what is helpful. Suffering is harmful. Violent oppression is harmful. I want to be helpful.

The questions that guide my activism now are:

What is the most effective?

How can I do the least harm?

How can I do the most good?

None of this implies that I think violence is never necessary, or even that I think violence cannot be a tool of resistance. What it does imply is that I take violence very, very seriously. And that I recognize its consequences, and I do not consider its use lightly.

(If you find yourself feeling instinctively angry or incensed by anything I’ve said here, I urge you to go back and reread the post, and this time make an earnest effort to find the best-faith possible reading, and balance that with your instinctive response. Ask yourself, is this post about OP giving their personal opinions about specific global events, or is it a much more broad indictment of leftism in the global north? Ask yourself, should I assume that because this person dislikes violence, that must mean they actually, for some reason, love it when the oppressor does it, and the only reason they didn’t discuss that here is definitely because they love the oppressor so much, and not for any other reason, such as being concise or specific and not trying to write an entire novel in a tumblr post?)

[the-rainbow-lesbian]

Hey, this is the anon from yesterday. So I took your advice and there were two other girls who were really anxious about the bathroom situation who were ALSO fed up with everyone else worrying about not being "sensitive" and "inclusive" of this MAN'S hypothetical gender issues... we all had classes or work or stuff to do at different times yesterday but one of the girls who actually saw him in the bathroom saw him AGAIN in the hallway and figured out his room number, and then the other girl (the bravest of us all lol) called one of the higher level building staff to complain about the situation. turns out he did NOT have gender issues of any kind: he was a guest of some girl who was just giving him her key card to use the bathroom....instead of just coordinating with the staff to enable access to the men's room on the card (which I've done before! It takes less than 5 min and can be done at any time).... and he wasn't even using it because the bathroom door was broken and didn't even work (you didn't have to swipe anymore, you could just go in)

by last night the door was fixed (after waiting over 24h and asking twice, but still). I don't know yet what happened with that guy and his girlfriend who lives here, but from what I understood they were going to be dealt with accordingly.

So while we were being policed and humiliated for being paranoid about someone who is undisputably a man using our bathroom and for not being "sensitive 🥺" to the 0.0000000001% chance that he was transgender, he was out there not giving a damn, using the bathroom like he owned the place. he also acted in a very entitled manner in the bathroom itself; when someone gave him a look, he gave her an attitude, saying "I know" and just walking out. Like...wtf.

Anyway, now me and the two girls have mentally checked out from the rest of the group (those sensitivity criticisms occurred via group chat) and made our own group lol. No point in wasting our time with them in the future

Like you, I'm an Arab woman from the Middle East living in the West (though not the same circumstances, and my current visa is temporary - wishing you the best with your circumstances). Sometimes it feels like you can't really win as a woman anywhere. Back home, I feel suffocated. If I get honor-killed by a family member, he only has to pay about $50 as a consequence; I can't live alone, no abuse shelters in my country, no nothing. Constant pressure to be with and serve men. Marriage pressure. Etc. etc. I'm sure you know what it's like. Here, though, I also feel suffocated. In some respects (especially outside) I think the threat of physical danger can be much worse. But then there is also the exhausting pressure of having to constantly keep yourself in check and make way for men even in spaces and movements (feminism) that are supposed to be for WOMEN. It's ridiculous. Of course added to that are racism and even Islamophobia (though I am not "visibly Muslim" as they say) for being from an Arab/Muslim background.

Thanks so much for listening yesterday, I really felt like I had nowhere to turn to! I think bc of our similar backgrounds I really trust you.

Also if it's ok I'd appreciate if you disabled rbs again, if you post this

I am glad to hear from you again, and also glad this situation was dealt with and you found allies through it. it is frustrating that a woman gave him access to your space and did not even consider or care how you all feel about it, and also really sad that women were trying to silence and gaslight you, you’re right as a woman no matter where you are you always come second, the possibility that a man might be transgender was prioritized over the safety of women and women themselves agree with this message cause we are taught that we are not important.

yeah I get what you mean, I am much safer and happier here, I have more rights for both being a woman and a lesbian, but still I suffer from isolation because lesbians are not allowed their own single-sex spaces anymore, feminist groups don’t really talk about real issues that women go through, it’s fabricated statistics about how TIMs are the Most Oppressed Group ever and so many women are ignored because of this nonsense, I have yet to see a big feminist organization dedicate their funds and time to immigrant women when we need so much help and not just performative activism. if anything their superficial need to alter language to make it more ~inclusive can confuse women who don’t speak English as their first language and they might not access services and resources they qualify for due to that.

I hope your situation whatever it is improves and you stay safe, I hope you make wonderful connection with your new allies and no more males invade your bathrooms and shower. reach out anytime anon!

[lifewithzerowaste]

Be Prepared to Face All Strife: The Best Stress Reduction Mechanisms

In today’s world, where we prioritize work and money more than we should, it has become increasingly common to face high levels of stress and anxiety frequently. In extreme cases, one might even get severe panic attacks or become unresponsive entirely.  

The good news is that stress is largely self-induced, not in the sense that we are to blame for it but in the sense that our response to external circumstances is mostly dependent on our approach, mental state, and personality traits.

It is essential to develop mechanisms to deal with stress effectively. If left untamed, it can have various long-term consequences. Stress is primarily a mental and emotional response. However, it manifests in various ways through our body and behavior.

Stress Manifestations

Body Pain (Headaches, muscle aches, chest pain, etc.)

Increased heart rate

Over or under-eating habits

Irritation and frustration

Alcohol and substance abuse

Isolation and anti-social behavior

Sleep troubles

Heaviness, sadness, and depression

Low immunity

Memory issues

If you feel even two of these symptoms are faced by you because of stress, start right away with stress coping mechanisms—whichever ones may suit you best—or if the situation proves more severe and many of these symptoms are faced, consult a professional. Read various lifestyle and health tips by Dr. Diana to keep your mind and body healthy.

Coping Mechanisms

There are various ways of dealing with stress, depending on whether you wish for a long-term or short-term solution and whether you wish to eliminate the emotional aspect of the stress or the cause of the stress itself.

Problem-focused Coping

Problem-focused coping is a mechanism for dealing with stress by removing or solving the problems contributing to its cause. For example, if your job does not allow you to have personal or family time, consider changing your job.

There are times when our plates are too full. We don't enjoy any of the items on the plate, which makes us worry about finishing everything on time.

Wherever possible, try to get rid of things that are draining you. Know which things to prioritize, then minimize effort on others.

Emotion-focused Coping

This is where your coping mechanism deals with how to make you more equipped to handle stress or reduce its harmful effects using an approach focused on emotions.

Sometimes, we cannot help but face life's situations. Sometimes, there is no way out. In cases where the problems are harder to solve or even minor problems cause great stress, using emotion-focused coping is the way to go.

Deep, Conscious Breaths

In times of stress and anxiety, your heart rate spikes, and so does your breathing.

Performing a simple exercise of taking deep breaths and focusing on the here and now can help calm the mind and make it less frantic.

Take deep breaths and notice each one. Imagine inhaling your problems and slowly exhaling them away.

Imaginative Respite

Our brain is capable of wonders. It is especially capable of belief.

Imagine the calmest and most comfortable place you know. It could be a beach, a mountain, or a landscape. Imagine yourself there, lying down and completely free.

Do this for a few minutes, and you will be calmer and in control.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is being mindful of all that is happening around you.

Close your eyes. Be aware of your breathing, the sounds around you, and the aroma. Be conscious of each sensation, whether it be your heartbeat or your skin.

When we remove our focus from the issue or the immediate cause of the stress to minute things like our breathing and senses, our mind eases down and becomes clearer and more equipped to handle the situation.

Creative Outlet

Creativity is a big stress buster.

Whether you like reading, writing, or the fine arts, find an enjoyable creative activity, and your stress levels will be sure to reduce. When we put too much pressure on ourselves, we get drained. The arts are among the most relieving activities out there.

Physical Exercise

Whether you go for a fifteen-minute walk or do a full round of kickboxing, staying physically active is monumental to mental health. Activity releases various hormones that make us happier and healthier.

Conclusion

Stress is common nowadays, but it shouldn't be. The biggest reason behind the growing stress levels is not the living conditions or the hard situations. It is, in fact, the lack of enough healthy activities to combat stress and equip the body with enough capacity to handle stress.

Stay physically and creatively active, and you will face stressful situations as cool as a cucumber.

Stay healthy!

[agent-cupcake]

You know, you've written a lot of your thoughts/hcs/etc on how various characters would behave as yanderes and so on, but I've never seen you talk about yandere readers before and I feel like that's an interesting subject to consider? Especially for 3H - you have a treasure trove of damaged boys to attract obsessiveness from girls who are convinced they are the ONLY one for them and it's their duty to drive away competition/threats/anyone they want.

Okay it's time to be toxic. I’m not going to go for all the guys, just the ones who immediately came to mind.

Dimitri: I joke quite often that I would be yandere for Dimitri. It all started when I brought up killing the girl he danced with at the White Heron Ball and quite frankly it's only spiraled from there because doesn't the Savior King Dimitri deserve to be adored and worshipped? Doesn't he deserve someone who wants the best for him and only him? Doesn’t it only make sense for him to be with someone who understands his mental issues and is willing to offer him unconditional support and patience? Doesn't he need someone with unwavering loyalty who will do anything no matter what the cost for his sake? It'd be so easy too because he's super dependent, desperate for affection, and clueless so if you just nourish those traits and constantly downplay his discomfort/suspicion of you driving away anybody who you feel is a threat by saying that this is how relationships just are, that it's just because you love him so much, that you're just looking out for him, what's he gonna do? It's not like he'd have any solid basis for knowing how relationships are supposed to be. Besides if he gets too upset you can threaten to leave him just like his mother did, I'm sure that would work to get him back in your arms (where he belongs). Yeah, that’s a little fucked up but it would be so much worse for both of you in the long run if you were apart. Being too aggressive or overt about your obsession would definitely make Dimitri wise up so it'd be better to go with love bombing. This would be good because it really lets you prove your devotion to Dimitri and makes it easier for him to just laugh off and excuse your disturbingly possessive behavior. His friends would be potentially problematic, but they're not always around and Dimitri's private enough that he probably wouldn't volunteer information about you to them. If you told him that it made you very upset and uncomfortable when he was friendly with the girls from his class, he’d most likely stop for your sake. Bonus round, have his babies. What is he going to do, abandon the mother of his children? Dimitri?!? No way. Of course he wouldn’t do anything to risk breaking his family, but neither would you! After all, this is all because you know Dimitri better than anyone which means that only you can love him.

Sylvain: Sylvain being manipulative and cheating on you after you try and prove your love to him through conventional means causing you to snap and kill hurt the girls, throw his lies back in his face, and prove that you're the only girl for him by preying on his emotional trauma with women is really something to consider. Why try to resolve toxic situations with love, compassion, and open communication when you can use blood and abuse to keep him with you? Play the part, be snarky, witty, flirty, be super hot and cold to keep him intrigued, give him the best fuck he's ever had, really show him that you don't care about his Crest, you just want to love possess him. Maybe even do the whole "I don't care who you're with, we both know you belong to me" to really engage him in those super fun mind games. Make everyone else acknowledge that you're the perfect girl for him, get them all to vilify him for continuing to be such a womanizer and breaking your heart. But, like, why stop there? Encourage him to retaliate, to be mad at you. Tease him for being so disgusted and angry at you when all you want, all you've ever wanted, was for your hearts to beat as one and then later act confused because of course you wouldn’t make light of his feelings like that, that’s horrible. All you want, all you’ve ever wanted, was for him to acknowledge that your adoration for him is true. Really break him until he gives you the whole “I’ll let you chain me up so I never even look at another girl” schtick. This might seem awful, but so is he! Reform can be difficult and if he’s going to be happy, he has to be made to understand why his behavior was so bad and the consequences of it. Because it’s not like you’d act like this if you had any other choice, it’s not like you’d continue once the two of you were truly together, of course you wouldn’t treat him so cruelly once he vowed himself to you and only you. And, really, I think it’d be a lot easier once he understood that and you got to prove your love to him through raw, unadulterated affection. Spend every day adding onto the list of why you love your Sylvain. 

Claude: Claude being more than aware of the ole' saying "don't stick your dick in crazy" and then doing it anyway because he has a proclivity for the fiery, forbidden, and oh-so temping call of danger would be the perfect set up for a very bad predicament. You’d have to play some mind games to really convince him that he’s the one seeking you out, he’s the one who’s got it bad, he’s the one who wants to have you. In other words, you’d have to give him a challenge. But, you know, if it’s a game, you’d have to play back because you’re doing this for him, because you love him, because you want him to realize that he loves you, too (Uno reverse Claude’s yandere behaviors, basically) so obviously you’d have to eliminate any obstacles and taking out anybody who could be a potential threat. Get him to open up about his dreams, his past, his feelings. As it goes with basically all of these affection-starved men, make him feel loved for who he is. You know, if you were really good, you could probably even get him to give up on everything else for your sake. I mean, I loathe the ending but he does that for Lysithea. Pull a Tangled on Claude and make him believe that you’re his new dream as he mostly certainly is yours.

Felix: Sweet Felix. So oblivious but so difficult. A man who would provide the ultimate and most dangerous yan rival of them all: the thrill of the fight. In a lot of ways, I think he’d be like Dimitri. Mostly just because he’s so dense when it comes to love of any kind. But he’s also not as emotionally desperate or dependent so you wouldn’t really be able to use that against him. The similarities come from Felix’s equal amount of inexperience with romance which opens up a lot of possibilities for you convincing him that certain behaviors are normal. You can even bring up how his cold emotional state (something I believe he’s insecure about) is what forces you to be so overbearing, how badly it hurts you.  You don’t necessarily mean to be so cloying but you’re so afraid of losing someone else you love so much (another insecurity of his). After all, there is nobody in the entire world who is like him, Felix Hugo Fraldarius, (three for three with his insecurities) and how irreplaceable and precious he is to you. These examples are kind of “soft” when it comes to using his insecurities against him, but you could go further with them assuming you were sure that it wouldn’t drive him away. Not knowing and having to work on assumption would always be a pretty big reason to control yourself in how you went about manipulating him because Felix is stubborn and prideful and pushing him too far would only hurt the both of you. It’s actually kind of funny because as opposed to the traditional yan mindset, it would be in your best interest to get Felix to form relationship bonds with others (but definitely not any of the girls he’s so popular with) because that would be a bargaining chip when convincing him to stay with you.

Ferdinand von Aegir: Ferdinand is, honestly, so easy for this. Like, I feel as if I don’t even need to talk about the details. You show him some affection and he’s yours. Bury him in love and praise. Tell him that it makes you unhappy when he talks to other girls or prioritizes his work over you and then reward him with boundless warmth and devotion because of course he would bend over backwards to make you happy. He just wants to be needed and treasured, to love and be loved. He’s already got the poetry and the ring and of course he wouldn’t mind getting married right away it’s true love, why would you wait?

Yuri: Yuribird is the forbidden darling. You’d need to be running on 100% love because he’d sniff out and ditch you at even the smallest whiff of deliberate obsession. But you know what he wants? More-so than the other guys, in some ways. He wants to be known and loved for who he is. In the face of genuine affection, he doesn’t stand a chance. Still, you’d have to be measured about this stuff. If you were jealous and got rid of your rivals yourself, Yuri would be disgusted and leave you. And you can’t hide that sort of thing from him, either. You’d have to go all in on the manipulation but only in the most honest way possible, that’s the only way past his defenses. Get him to prioritize your feelings first so he feels guilty talking to people or acting in ways that upset you. Reward him for putting you above everyone else. Constantly remind him that you’re the only one who knows and understands him, who loves him for who he is. Get him so emotionally fucked that even if his big brain logic is telling him that you’re toxic and horrible, he can’t stand the thought of being without you. He’d give up crime, it’s not like he even particularly likes it. Set up the perfect life for him, something domestic and sweet and warm, something he’s never had worries he doesn’t deserve, something that keeps him away from others. The goddess only knows how much he deserves a happy dream for once, and you’re the only one who can understand and provide that for him.

[funkymbtifiction]

It is interesting how ENFP process of self-discovery is almost identical to INFP yet it is in reversed order. I love how you describe it as "a tree being whipped by the wind. The branches sway all over the place, gathering thoughts, ideas, concepts, possibilities, and sometimes the moisture never gets down to the trunk, which is where “I” am" I can almost picture it and it is quite fascinating how different but similar ENFP and INFP's perspectives are.

So, from that point am I correct to assume that introvert and extrovert with the same function (like INFP ENFP or ESTP ISTP) are only similar in how their functions appear like Ne-Fi and Fi-Ne will be similar to some extent but when look deeper into their core, like in how they self-discovery and self-perceiving, they are very different so INFP will be more similar in their core to ISFP than to ENFP?

IFPs are like a slice of life series' protagonist who travels alone and learning to know themselves better along the way, maybe help people too but remains mostly in the background, and be more mature alone, as a result, while EFPs are an adventurer who travels on the road and help people along the way through their solid action to see more of the world and discover new way of seeing things as well as who they are as a person.

The other point I find intriguing is how you describe yourself as being worse than you are and that you are very harsh on yourself. I usually am not hard on myself as much. I know I have judgmental streak. I can be callous and distant at times and I certainly am not a perfectly decent person but I believe in not being too harsh on myself because I possess those qualities. It is a part of myself and will always be a part of who I am. So I need to learn to balance them with other good qualities I possess. And to balance those bad qualities to become a better person, I need time and I can't rush it. So mostly I'm very aware of my bad qualities but usually don't over focus on it, because I know that in time I will be better person because and it's not possible to change who I am at my core. But I can temper my bad qualities to be more balanced. So, it doesn't bother me as much and I also prefer to go slowly, learning and tweaking.

But instead, I tear my hair over work performance and how I fail to do some simple management task competently. It might be inferior Te at work here. Laying out steps and visualizing goals are easy enough, but the extensive management and unexpected situations will throw me off pretty quickly, like a rocking boat. I learned to be more careful and thorough with planning (no unnecessary leaping because I can't competently make split second decision.) But something like product comparison, charging for service or resource-and-cost-oriented decision are still really tough and I usually have no clue how to do it on my own without external system. And when I actually do it, I feel really bad it always nags me in my mind Do I charge too much? If I decide not to take their product, will the producers have a hard time? Usually I resort to ask my ETJ and ESFP friends for help. 

I wish I have more Te though, but that means I might get into Te-grip. So it's fine, for now. I take your advice and try to utilize other people's systems and it works! 

So, if you are willing, may I ask what is your experience to your Tert Te? 

You can understand your introverted or extroverted counterpart extremely well, because you are using all the same functions, just in a different order of preference. It has shocked me at times how identical my thinking is to most of the INFPs I know, except that they are more grounded in Self and I am more "open" to alternative possibilities. So no, I would not say they are more similar to ISFPs than to ENFPs -- ISFPs are more similar to ESFPs than to INFPs. They have a similar need to self-reference, and similar problems with inferior Te, but that is where the resemblance ends.

ISFPs use Se, which makes them far more aware of concrete reality and how their actions have real world consequences, whereas INFPs are dreamy idealists who aren't always aware of "repercussions" because it doesn't occur to them to source the real world when it comes to sharing their values. ISFPs are more realistic, whereas INFPs have the same problem ENFPs have with being too idealistic. It's much the same with the other types as well -- an ISTP understands and 'gets' an ESTP but finds them too quick to act, and an ESTP gets an ISTP but finds them too slow to act, etc.

Regarding the self-recrimination... it comes from having double Enneagram 1 wings in my tritype and and rating extremely high on the Big Five test for Conscientiousness. Being a 2w1 fixer, I want to be helpful, generous, and kind and am hard on myself for not living up to being more selfless, patient, good, etc. A 3 fixer or a 4 fixer doesn't think this way. But yes, I am hard on myself for my mistakes and beat myself up for them on a regular basis (a friendship falls apart through no fault of my own? It must be my fault :P). I get lost in an inner vortex of what my perceived bad behavior says about my inner state of being and what kind of a person it makes me.

Do not recommend.

Let's see, tert Te. Well, I really have no problem whatsoever changing a plan and going with something else -- the perks of being a Ne-dom. I just look at what is available or what isn't working and go a different way. I use Te pretty confidently and casually most of the time, but I do get stressed at work where I have to be more exact, scheduled, and I can very easily get "overwhelmed" and not know what to work on first. I WANT to organize myself for efficiency, but it takes me a little time to figure out what task to do in what order, which would be the most efficient use of my time and energy. That's why I read so many "useful" books (I read way more of those than novels these days) -- books that tell me how to prioritize tasks, that tell me how to organize my kitchen shelves, that tell me how to do things, how to stop procrastinating, how to make the most of my time, etc. I don't remember half of it, but I can usually pick up one or two useful things and go with it. Like you, I'm not super confident in setting prices and I often think they are too high unless I compare them to what other people are offering; I think part of that is being a feeler (can they afford this?) and part of it is being a little unsure of myself.

I can explain a little bit of something I did recently that might help you to see what I "go through" on a daily basis -- as you know, I'm working on a MBTI book. I started out writing it chronologically and then halfway into a couple of profiles, I thought -- this is stupid. What I need to do is write an extensive overview of each dominant function, then take that information and change it in the context of each place it appears in a functional stack. For example, write up a long profile on Ni-dom, then how it looks under Te and Fe, then how it looks under Se, and finally, how it acts in an inferior position. This streamlined my process and helped me finish the first draft in only a few weeks -- but I did not think of it "before" I started the project, I figured it out WHILE I was working on the project and felt that my process was moving along too slow. That's how I have to use Te -- I need to get in and try things with Ne, and then bring in Te to balance it out, help me decide what order to do things in, and make decisions about quality, content, etc. Te is kind of automatic for me -- when a friend says, "I am going to buy a house," instantly I think -- is this person a good financial investment for a bank loan? But the actual implementation of Te (step by step procedures, goals, plans, etc) is harder for me, especially when it becomes tedious. It's way more fun to organize my DVD collection than to take care of my taxes. :P

[studyingsobriety]

What is Addiction?

Addiction. The big and scary word. The word that many have unfortunately experienced. The word that many think they understand but don’t quite get it. So what is it? Allow me to explain to you from a definitive and psychiatric standpoint and from the point of view from an addict herself.

Define it.

According to the Oxford dictionary, to be addicted is to be physically and mentally dependent on a particular substance, and being unable to stop it without incurring adverse effects; in other words, to be dependent on something or for something to become habit.

According to the Webster dictionary, it means to exhibit a compulsive, chronic, physiological, or psychological need for a habit-forming substance, behavior, or activity.

According to the American Society of Addiction Medicine, addiction is a treatable chronic, medical disease involving complex interactions among brain circuits, genetics, the environment, and an individual’s life experiences. People with addiction use substances or engage in behaviors that become compulsive and often continue despite harmful consequences.

My own personal definition of addiction: Being addicted is like being madly in love with a demon straight from hell. It’s like a toxic or abusive relationship, but you’re too in love, you’re too invested to give it up. You begin to turn to your addiction when you’re upset, you feel as if it’ll make you feel better. You turn to your addiction when you’ve had a good day, as a way to celebrate, you deserved it. You’ll find any reason to turn to your addiction, no matter how ridiculous it may seem, you have a reason to use. You don’t know you’re going to suffer from addiction until you’re already there, it’s already too late. Because addiction does not discriminate, it can happen to anyone Satan chooses to send his demon after. Like I said, it’s like falling in love with a demon straight from hell. One day, when you decide to get help, you’ll fall out of love with that demon. But that demon is apart of you now, always. Some days the demon will feel as big as a pea. Other days, that demon feels much bigger than you. But he will always be there, that’s why they call it a chronic disease. You just have to learn to carry him with you now.

Let’s talk more about addiction.

What are some warning signs someone is suffering from addiction?

• They are showing signs of lack of control

• They are abandoning hobbies and activities

• They are performing poorly at school or work

• They are having unexplained financial problems

What are some warning signs my substance use is turning into an addiction?

• You’re hiding your substance use from others

• You’re using the substance as a coping mechanism

• You don’t know how to use in moderation

• You’re experiencing negative consequences, but you continue to use anyway

• You experience withdrawal symptoms when you go without the substance (Withdrawals differ from substance to substance. If you’re using a substance regularly, research what possible withdrawals may occur. Withdrawals can be physical or mental.)

• You’re gaining a tolerance to the substance, needing more and more to get the same high

• You’re becoming obsessed, like you’re in love with the substance, and find yourself constantly thinking about it

• You use at inappropriate times (for example: right before work, before seeing your kids, etc.)

• You’re losing interest in doing other activities that don’t involve using the substance

• You’ve thought about quitting or slowing down but have been unable to

According to Alvernia University, there are 5 stages of addiction:

• First Use

◦ The first use is the first stage of addiction. It’s hard to tell someone to just “not try it,” but we never really know whether we’re going to be addicted to something later down the road or not unless we just do not try it. Addiction does not discriminate. Some substances are more addictive than others, and some people have more addictive personalities than others. But addiction can still happen to anyone.

• Regular Use

◦ This is when you start using the substance more frequently. Maybe you need it every night before bed. Maybe you do it when your friends are around.

• Risky Use

◦ This is when the substance becomes a priority. You may start using while driving. During this time, you may start slipping in school or work. Your relationships may start to fall apart.

• Dependence

◦ Once you become dependent, you will find yourself getting cravings for the substance. If you don’t use, you may experience withdrawals. You will have also built a tolerance and need more of the substance to get the same results. This is when you are truly addicted.

• Substance Abuse Disorder

◦ This is when the substance has become such a priority, you don’t know how to life a normal daily life without using. You feel as if you need the substance to do normal things. The using has become habit. For some, you may prioritize it over school or work, resulting in dropping out or losing your job. For some, you may prioritize spending your money on the substance over bills, resulting in homelessness.

So this is the addiction basics. Frankly, the only way to fully avoid addiction from ever happening to you is to not try any substances. Curiosity killed the cat. But when you have a new substance in front of you with people telling you, “try it,” are you going to be thinking about this journal article? Probably not. Live your life. Take chances. But take precautions. And if you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of addiction, know that there is hope. No matter how far into it you are, you are not a lost cause. Anyone can get better. It just starts with reaching out your hand.

[poychachi]

How to Write About PTSD

@writinghaven on instagram [source: https://lisahallwilson.com/how-to-write-about-ptsd-in-deep-point-of-view/]

PTSD is featured in many fictional works, primarily as a source of internal conflict for a character. However, many writers simply research symptoms and run with it. There is so much more to PTSD than flashbacks that can add emotional layers, depth, and connection to readers, as well as increase the accuracy of the representation. Here are some important things to remember/consider when writing about PTSD! 

What do writers get wrong about PTSD? 

Giving characters a traumatic past and an ongoing condition that hinders their ability to move on is great for character arc if you can pull it off. Otherwise it can come off sounding trite or melodramatic. The character struggling with PTSD is facing overwhelming odds, and any character who stands up to a bully of any kind (even when it’s a mental illness) is someone readers will cheer for.

Do more research than just symptoms. Flashbacks seem to be the most appealing aspect of writing a character with PTSD, but actual recurring flashbacks are a symptom of very severe PTSD which is absolutely debilitating in every way. Try talking to someone who struggles with this. Read blogs written by those who live with or struggle with this, or have a loved one who struggle with this. Know that the symptoms don’t encompass the whole struggle but are simply the tip of the iceberg.

What else is there to PTSD other than flashbacks? 

Yes, flashbacks can happen with PTSD, but here’s the truth about flashbacks – not everyone has them frequently or even at all. Most writers love the idea of using flashbacks, I’ll admit they’re fun to play with, but where writers often miss the mark with PTSD are all the OTHER symptoms that are debilitating and soul-crushing. Far more common are triggers which require more subtlety and art to really convey how devastating they can be.

PTSD is a filing problem – basically. Where most brains are able to process and appropriate file away a traumatic memory, for whatever reason – a particular memory or file gets left out and never gets filed away (processed). It’s kept front and center for easy access essentially rewiring the brain.

When triggered, (a smell, a place, a feeling, a person, etc.), the inner-most part of the brain (the amygdala – stay with me) sounds off like a fire alarm. When that fire alarm goes off, the rest of your brain diverts all power/energy to that alarm center. So, once the fire alarm goes off, you’re incapable of “thinking” your way out of a situation. Instead, you’ll instinctively react in the way that’s most likely to “save you” whether it’s fight, flight, or freeze.

When PTSD rewires the brain, that fire alarm (which is useful, which is necessary) is now super super sensitive. It’s like placing a fire alarm over your toaster. You’re going to get a lot of false alarms. So, in real life we might take the battery out of the alarm, move the alarm or move the toaster. But with PTSD, because the brain can’t figure out where to file that memory, you’re kind of stuck with these constant false alarms. So most or at least a lot of energy goes into avoiding setting off that fire alarm.

This creates a near-constant hyper-vigilance that is exhausting. Utter, soul-draining, bone-weary exhaustion. To the point where you can’t think clearly – you struggle to order your thoughts or prioritize things correctly. It’s debilitating and can very thoroughly undermine your self-confidence. Every small task or outing gets weighed against the emotional and physical and mental toll it could exact. And let me tell you, this foggy thinking makes life seem pretty hopeless pretty fast.

And while only the most severe cases have persistent flashbacks, that hyper-vigilance and exhaustion is pretty common. The mental fog caused by the hyper-vigilance or a trigger is common. The frustration and internalized shame of not being able to sort your thoughts, or trust your own thinking is intense.

Give your character a coping mechanism

Most people learn coping mechanisms to manage the symptoms of PTSD simply to function, but those mechanisms wear out, their effectiveness wanes over time, our tolerance of them grows thin. If a trigger is the fire alarm, the coping mechanisms are essentially the broom being used the fan the fire alarm to prevent it from going off.

If that “broom” is the only way you can manage life at all, you’ll go to some pretty extreme lengths to prevent having it ripped from your hands. Now, that “broom” can be expressed in a wide variety or combination of ways: anger or violence, self-medicating with drugs or alcohol, workaholism, eating disorders, becoming a hermit, suicidal, etc.

At the same time, someone with PTSD is going to cover up their pain at all costs. People stare. They avoid you. They whisper. And all of that gets internalized over time. They’ll be fine in a social situation until they aren’t and they react in (what might appear to be) an irrational or erratic way, but internally they’ll have clamped down and “soldiered up” as long as possible.

Show the consequences of how ineffective that bloody broom strategy is! Show what happens when the broom is taken away (alcohol, a person, a schedule, etc.).

Show don’t tell a PTSD Trigger

You want to show and not tell, right. The person struggling with these kinds of anxiety or PTSD is going to go to great lengths NOT to think about the original traumatic event. Who consciously relives traumatic events? Nobody.  

More likely, the traumatic memories are shoved to the very back of the mind and actively avoided, and numbed when avoidance isn’t possible. They’ll be ruled by emotions, and unless they dig down into the WHY of their strong emotion, the PTSD may go untreated for a very long time.

Instead, show the coping mechanisms (the broom) used to control the symptoms or turn their mind off (escapism, fantasy, porn, drugs, alcohol).

“For me there’s a predictable progression that happens that tips me off to that fire alarm detecting smoke. I feel it in my gut first, a clamping down, a tension, a tightness, and a feeling like I don’t want to be in that place. Then I start to blush, my face feels like it’s on fire. Then I start to tremble. I’ll look down and notice my hands trembling, but at times it won’t feel like I’m looking at my own hands at all. Then my last warning is profuse sweating – regardless of the environmental conditions.” - Lisa Hall-Wilson

When PTSD is triggered you’re at war with yourself quite literally. It will seem to come out of nowhere or can build up slowly to a crashing crescendo. A moment ago you were rationally able to recognize there wasn’t any danger, but then the switch is flipped and your body is absolutely convinced you’re in mortal danger.

Know what your character’s primal goal is when they’re triggered. Is it safety? Is it survival? Is it escaping? Have them seek that out at all costs.

They could have a mantra they recite to control their thoughts. They might have a safe person, someone they trust to watch their backs in new or upsetting situations. The slow removal of their dependence on their grounding techniques or coping mechanisms is a great way to show growth.

Those who know what their triggers are will actively avoid situations that might set them off. This is a potential for conflict – force them into a situation where they’re uncomfortable, where they feel threatened or unsafe. Spring it on them. Put them in new situations. 

“I wasn’t aware that exercise fatigue mimicked my PTSD symptoms, so I was triggered by a jerk at the gym and couldn’t feel it coming on because I was in the middle of a workout. The times when you’re triggered without warning are the worst. Being blindsided sets you back days, weeks, even months.”

A blindsided character could be an “all is lost” moment

Being blindsided by a trigger at any point. A situation that’s been fine a thousand other times can trigger you that one day because someone new is there, because you can’t get your usual seat by the door, because someone’s wearing the cologne that your attacker wore. This is a great device to save for a pivotal conflict.

It’s like a two-by-four to the head. Show their emotional wounds bleeding all over the floor and have them keep going anyway. Show them growing stronger, trusting people again against their instincts, forgiving themselves because they couldn’t get a hold of themselves again, etc. Let the whole process be messy, two steps forward and one step back. The stories that end in a pretty bow and leaves everyone “cured” simply aren’t authentic.

SOURCE: https://lisahallwilson.com/how-to-write-about-ptsd-in-deep-point-of-view/

[heyrosiebee]

printable highlight 🌟 the ED-Aid

my first free printable, y’all!!! i already released it via IG last week, but i’m extra af tumblr’s a whole other platform, so i took the time to write about it instead of just posting a couple screenshots and leaving it at that. (link will be at the end of the post.)

—disclaimer: ED in this case stands for Executive Dysfunction, not Eating Disorder. it won’t be discussed in too much detail here, so i highly encourage you to look it up yourself. you can start with this article as well as posts about it here on tumblr. however, a deep understanding of the concept won’t be necessary for you to be able to use the printable.

—cw: mentions of mental illness and recovery

i. some context

last week, my sister opened up about feeling paralyzed from the pressure of all the things she needs and wants to do, and how s/hitty she felt about herself because she couldn’t bring herself to do any of it no matter how hard she tried. it sounded a lot like something i went through often before i got help for my Bipolar, i.e. executive dysfunction. i had more than the usual amount of trouble dealing with concentration, planning, decision-making, and doing what my brain tells me to do.

it was a horrible time, but i’m a stubborn person, so i found a way to cope with it, among other things, in order to still function as a student in uni who had a lot of coursework to do. i did my research and tried out a dozen tips and tricks from people and articles suggesting strictly sticking to a routine, improving your discipline, etc., but none of them worked for me personally. finally, i just set up my own system, which takes unexpected depressive and hypomanic episodes, unstable energy levels, a wrecked body clock, and general impulsiveness into account. this printable is one of the tools i used—and still use—as part of that system. behold, the ED-Aid: (tap on the photo for better quality.)

ii. how it works

it did not look like this back then, but the idea behind it is the same: remove some of the responsibility from yourself. this is important because i frequently caught myself overthinking the amount of time it would take to do a certain task and how important or urgent it was compared to all the other tasks i had lined up, but all of them were important and urgent and would take up time i could be using to do everything else—it was a mess, and at the center of that mess was the decision: “where do i start?” “what do i do first?” if you have a heirarchy of values, it would be easy to answer, but for people like me, it’s pretty rattling.

to solve the issue of choosing a task to prioritize and crumbling under the weight of the possible consequences of not prioritizing something else before i even actually do anything, i just sorted my tasks into categories to narrow them down. then, i put them in list form or in boxes as shown above, so i can see a physical representation, and i let chance decide.

to do so, you just close your eyes, let your finger or a pen or a nail file, a wand, the foot of a plushie, whatever glide over the page randomly, and wherever it lands when you stop will dictate which category you’ll focus on first so you have significantly less tasks to choose from. and if anything should go wrong, you can blame the chart. or blame fate. it was off your hands, so..

iii. the product

here are a few samples of the printable itself, including blank versions for people who want to put their own personal categories or prefer choosing from a pre-determined set of tasks instead of categories:

these are just 3 of 8 color varieties, including warmer tones of brown. the full-page size is A4, but there are also postcard-sized versions as well as ones that can easily fit in your journal or planner.

this printable is completely FREE OF CHARGE. you don’t even have to be following me to use it; just please don’t be a jerk and pass it off as your own or re-post it with “ctto” and nothing else. if you’re feeling generous tho, you can send me tips via ko-fi!

i hope y’all enjoy the printable if you decide to try it out, and that it helps you out in some way. don’t forget to tag me if you post about it so i can see!! with all that said, simply CLICK HERE TO SEE AND DOWNLOAD THE PDFs.

—Rein

[rusalkii]

Well, missed I think three weeks. They went exactly as well as you might expect from that.

I did somewhat less than the bare minimum for my classes since spring break finished. Just crawled out of a giant pit of backlog mostly by virtue of taking the relevant midterms and declaring everything before them probably fine. Finally actually doing anything, hopefully consistently. Just all in all a terrible three weeks, would not recommend.

Possible factors: the obvious thing, change of environment/schedule, online school feeling fake, having a lot of trouble feeding myself. I had talked myself into a narrative where I couldn't do things and couldn't dig myself out. What should I do to either avoid getting into holes or get out of them faster? Hard to tell. Once I'm in it I have trouble doing anything, any kind of consistent commitment is just not going to happen. I let my lists slip, that was not good. Even if nothing on the list gets done or the list is all trivial things feeling like I have goals and like I've achieved something is good for me, and without a list it's incredibly hard for me to focus my thoughts. Beforehand I should... keep an eye on transitions? Not sure what that means in actionable terms. I should have prioritized writing these, having time to reflect on what was going on might have helped.

I should have made myself attend online lectures at the time they were given, instead of telling myself I'd watch them later. Yes, later I can watch at double speed/pause/etc, but also later just did not happen. Going forward I should do this. Not having any external anchor also let my sleep schedule slip way too far, which didn't help. I found the strategy where you tell yourself you have to do [smallest possible unit of task] and if it's still unpleasant you don't have to do more helpful, but should have remembered to apply it more. Coworking was helpful but I (a) was too stressed to schedule it (b) flaked on people because of slipping sleep schedule and (c) found the idea of being around people (but not the practice) overwhelming. Scheduling weekly repeating coworking helped with some of this. Somewhat unrelatedly, I'm considering implementing a repeating rest day, feeling like I always am either trying to work or slacking is not great for me.

Food: I am doing... slightly better. I am not sure what I can do aside from forcing myself to eat things I find fundamentally unappealing, which I’m doing, or getting over what is definitely learned helplessness with regards to cooking, which requires such mysterious things as “extra energy” and “easy to acquire ingredients”. Having a dining hall 5 minute’s walk away was probably load-bearing and I am sort of half-heartedly shoving things under the sagging corner of the roof instead of putting in another load-bearing wall but, uh, I guess in the language of this metaphor I would say that construction is hard, especially when you are living in a house that is falling down around you. Er, that was more dramatic than it was supposed to be.

Okay. Actionable steps for now: make absolutely sure I write a list each morning. Prioritize reviews. Attend online lectures during scheduled time. Schedule coworking with more people. 

Classes are Pass/Fail, which probably didn't help this whole trainwreck but does mean that it'll not have particularly serious consequences.

I'm sure other things happened over the past month but it feel like a haze of nothing getting done and a lot of walks and literally nothing else, so.

[script-a-world]

What are your five rules to new authors about world building? I struggle with this, as a minimalist author. And I would love suggestions on how to build a world in as few words as possible, while the description is still efficient and powerful.

Constablewrites:

Teach us about the world through the characters interacting with it. If your characters never interact with it, is it really relevant to your story?

Culture and society all ultimately derives from people--what they know about the world around them, how they survive in their particular environment, how they ensure the survival of future generations, and so on.

Conflict and tension come from limitations. Infinite and/or ill-defined power kills a reader’s emotional investment.

Don’t answer a question we haven’t asked. Context first, then explanation only if necessary.

Your reader will comprehend your world based on what they know of ours.

Personally, I think minimalism can be a good thing! New authors tend to err on the side of waaaaaay too much world building and explanation thereof. The best way to figure out the balance is to read closely. If you’re reading something that makes you feel really present in the scene, pay close attention to how they do that: the details the author chooses, the things they merely suggest or infer, the senses being evoked, and so on. And remember that contemporary literature has to world build just as much as genre stuff does; I’ve spent just as much time on a ranch as I have on Mars, so while I might be bringing more knowledge/assumptions to the table I’m still relying on the writer to make the world come alive.

Brainstormed:

Do you enjoy what you’re making? If not, let the idea lie fallow to be recycled, and ask yourself what would make you enjoy the worldbuilding again. Even if what you’re doing will never show up in your story, it’s still worldbuilding and therefore great. Just prioritize plot-relevant details, and make sure to have fun.

How different would the plot and/or characters be if this detail was changed? This question allows you to figure out the really vital parts of your world and its natural consequences in your story. The details that don’t affect much of your plot/characters are still good, as they add depth, but okay to parse down for a more minimalist perspective.

How far am I willing to ask my readers to suspend their disbelief? Can be asked of specific parts of your world, like magic systems or physics or geographical oddities, or of your setting in general.

Is this self evident? That is, does this part of your worldbuilding become foundational to the plot and/or setting in such a way that the reader understands and extrapolates without ever requiring the dreaded infodump? Not every detail has to be self evident, and in fact I don’t think every detail should be. There’s plenty of things about the real world that I would love to absorb infodumps about, but the way the sun in the sky affects my day to day life requires no context.

Breadth vs. depth, which is more a function of your plot and cast than setting. If your plot follows your characters wandering through a great deal of varying places/cultures/times/etc or a very diverse cast of different races/beliefs/jobs/etc, you’ll need a lot of distinct and interconnected settings with just enough detail to function and stick out as unique in the reader’s mind. Buckling down on a single world/culture/nation/etc to flesh out its complexities and variants will get far deeper into the why’s and how’s of your plot and/or characters, just be careful not to turn it into an encyclopedia instead of a story. (of course, you could do like me and create a lot of breadth and then murder yourself by trying to achieve depth with all of it)

Saphira:

Worldbuilding itself, and setting up the world, comes before the writing in my book. I find that chronic descriptors fall into two categories:

Those who know their world so well that they want to tell EVERYTHING. These I affectionately call the Gushers.

Those who are discovering their world as they write. The world is a mystery to them until the written word tells the writer where they are. These I affectionately call the Explorers.

I suspect you are concerned about being the former. In my gut, however, I suspect you may be the latter. Now there are different rules for each method.

FOR GUSHERS: Use Constablewrite's rules. Those rules underline what's important.

Worried you're still overboard? Count your paragraphs. How many has it been since something happened?

FOR EXPLORERS: Write as normal. Then go over it and look for the things Brainstorm mentions! Highlight them, or copy the stuff on another document.

When you get to rewriting your work, look at your notes and see what you feel is important! You've already explored, so now you can filter.

Worldbuilding in the scale that we know it is relatively new to novel-writing. (Thanks to Sci-Fi and Fantasy authors in the 1950's? Ish? Research it. Cool stuff.) That being said we're already getting really good at it. We've seen the wild phenomenon of cultural diving that Lord of the Rings, Star Trek and Harry Potter have had, and we want to give our readers the same experience!

Though I will note, what draws a reader into the world is the intrigue of the questions they can ask! If we can give our readers just enough information about the world to ask the coolest, deepest questions? We have succeeded.

Tex: I'm not a big fan of generalized advice, especially in regards to "new"... anything. I'm not aware of either your flaws or your strengths, though your use of "minimalist author" intrigues me - what do you consider minimalism? Is it descriptions, is it settings, is it dialogue? Is it something else?

I don't know whether this minimalism is the result of developing your writing voice or the result of underdevelopment in various writing skills, so I hesitate to give any concrete answers. In that respect, I would like to recommend @scriptstructure for the finer points of writing descriptions.

The others look to have covered about everything on this topic, but I would like to reiterate the idea that worldbuilding for the purpose of exposition is heavily dependent upon the plot. Whatever the focus of the plot is, and to some degree that of the characters, is the focus of your worldbuilding.

What's important to your story? Can you remove an element and still make sense? Those are consistently my two biggest guides when worldbuilding because everything outside the immediate needs of the plot are usually extraneous.

Feral: I don’t have rules so much as questions to provide some guidance for new writers getting into worldbuilding.

What quirk of character or plot stands out as being from a society different from my own, and what society would produce this? For a sense of verisimilitude in fantasy and sci-fi, it’s important that the characters not be reproductions of who you would expect to meet in the author’s own society especially when that society does not reflect the author’s own. Dragons, a post-singularity Earth, and a hundred other things that cast the story in a specific genre would create very distinct pressures that would lend themselves to different worldviews, economies, traditions, etc.

Would a particular feature of the world make my character or the plot more interesting? Would it create more problems than it would solve? I always advise against creating a feature of the world that solves your characters’ problems. Features of the world should either a) provide a lovely flavor or b) create obstacles for your characters to overcome or c) both. New writers, particularly those who don’t want too much superfluous flavor might look at Premise Brainstorming, or “In a World Where…” brainstorming to create world ideas that tie directly to the character and/or plot.

Am I avoiding describing something because it is not in my style or doesn’t fit the narrator’s voice? Or am I avoiding describing something because I can’t picture it in my mind or lack the confidence to execute it? This is me all the time. 2 decades of writing, and my first couple drafts are always a little lean on world details because I’m still wrapping my mind around what things really look like and how to take the image in my brain and translate it to the page. It’s ok to take your time getting the world rendered out; that’s what multiple drafts are for.

How have writers I admire and whose writing style matches what I want for myself handled the question of worldbuilding? If you’re not familiar with The City and the City by China Mieville, I strongly recommend checking it out. When I think of so-called minimalist world building, that is what I think of.

Do I know enough about my world to know what is important and what is not important to include? I recommend the Iceberg Principle for newer writers/builders: 90% of the world isn’t gonna make it into the story. So, that 10% better be enough and relevant.

[scifigeneration]

How to prevent Internet congestion during the lockdown

by Hervé Debar, Gaël Thomas, Gregory Blanc, and Olivier Levillain

Taylor Vick/Unsplash, CC BY

The current health crisis has led to a rise in the use of digital services. Telework, along with school closures and the implementation of distance learning solutions (CNED, MOOCs, online learning platforms such as Moodle for example), will put additional strain on these infrastructures since all of these activities are carried out within the network. This raises concerns about overloads during the lockdown period. Across the Internet, however, DNS server loads have not shown a massive increase in traffic, therefore demonstrating that Internet use remains under control.

The Internet is a network that is designed to handle the load. However, telework and distance learning will create an unprecedented load. Simple measures must therefore be taken to limit network load and make better use of the Internet. Of course, these rules can be adapted depending on the tools you have at your disposal.

How do telecommunications networks work?

The Internet network functions by sending packets between machines that are connected to it. An often-used analogy is that of the information highway. In this analogy, the information exchanged between machines of all kinds (computers, telephones and personal assistants, to name just a few) is divided into packets (small and large vehicles). Each packet travels through the network between a source and a destination. All current networks operate according to this principle: Internet, wireless (wi-fi) and mobile (3G, 4G) networks etc.

The network must provide two important properties: reliability and communication speed.

Reliability ensures accurate communication between the source and the destination, meaning that information from the source is transmitted accurately to the destination. Should there be transmission errors, they are detected and the data is retransmitted. If there are too many errors, communication is interrupted. An example of this type of communication is e-mail. The recipient must receive exactly what the sender has sent. Long packets are preferred for this type of communication in order to minimize communication errors and maximise the quantity of data transmitted.

Communication speed makes real-time communication possible. As such, the packets must all travel across the network as quickly as possible, and their crossing time must be roughly constant. This is true for voice networks (3G, 4G) and television. Should a packet be lost, its absence may be imperceptible. This applies to videos or sound, for example, since our brain compensates for the loss. In this case, it is better to lose a packet from time to time – this leads to communication of lower quality, but they remain usable in most cases.

Congestion problems

The network has a large overall capacity but it is limited for each of its components. When there is very high demand, certain components can become congested (routers, links and servers). In such cases, the two properties (reliability and speed) can break down.

For communications that require reliability (web, e-mail), the network uses the TCP protocol (TCP from the expression “TCP/IP”). This protocol introduces a session mechanism, which is implemented to ensure reliability. When a packet is detected as lost by its source, it is retransmitted until the destination indicates that it has arrived. This retransmission of packets exacerbates network congestion, and what was a temporary slowdown turns into a bottleneck. To put it simply, the more congested the network, the more the sessions resend packets. Such congestion is a well-known phenomenon during the “Internet rush hour” after work.

If the source considers that a communication has been subject too many errors, it will close the “session.” When this occurs, a great quantity of data may be lost, since the source and the destination no longer know much about the other’s current state. The congestion therefore causes a wastage of capacity, even once it is over.

For communications that require speed (video, voice), the network instead uses the UDP protocol. Unfortunately, routers are often configured to reject this kind of traffic in the event of a temporary overload. This makes it possible to prioritize traffic using sessions (TCP, email, web). Losing a few packets in a video or voice communication is not a problem, but losing a significant amount can greatly affect the quality of the communication. Since the source and destination exchange only limited information about problems encountered, they may have the impression that they are communicating when this is not actually the case.

The following proposals aim to limit network load and congestion, in order to avoid a situation in which packets start to get lost. It should be noted that the user may be explicitly informed about this loss of packets, but this is not always the case. It may be observed following delays or a deterioration of communication quality.

What sort of communications should be prioritized in the professional sphere?

Professional use must prioritise connection time for exchanging e-mails or synchronising files. But the majority of work should be carried out without being connected to the network, since for a great number of activities, there is no need to be connected.

The most crucial and probably most frequently used tool is e-mail. The main consequence of the network load may be the time it takes to send and transmit messages. The following best practices will allow you to send shorter, less bulky messages, and therefore make e-mail use more fluid:

Choose thick clients (Outlook, Thunderbird for example) rather than web-based clients (Outlook Web Access, Zimbra, Gmail for example) since using e-mail in a browser increases data exchange. Moreover, using a thick client means that you do not always have to be connected to the network to send and receive e-mails.

When responding to e-mail, delete nonessential content, including attachments and signatures.

Delete or simplify signatures, especially those that include icons and social media images.

Send shorter messages than usual, giving preference to plain text.

Do not add attachments or images that are not essential, and opt for exchanging attachments by shared disks or other services.

When it comes to file sharing, VPNs (for virtual private networks) and cloud computing are the two main solutions. Corporate VPNs will likely be the preferred way to connect to company systems. As noted above, they should only be activated when needed, or potentially on a regular basis, but long sessions should be avoided as they may lead to network congestion.

Most shared disks can also be synchronized locally in order to work remotely. Synchronization is periodic and makes it possible to work offline, for example on office documents.

Keeping in touch with friends and family without overloading the network

Social media will undoubtedly be under great strain. Guidelines similar to those for e-mail should be followed and photos, videos, animated GIFs and other fun but bulky content should only be sent on a limited basis.

Certain messages may be rejected by the network. Except in exceptional circumstances, you should wait for the load to ease before trying again.

Advertising represents a significant portion of web content and congests the network without benefits for the user. Most browsers can incorporate extensions (privacy badger) to delete such content automatically. Some browsers, such as Brave for example, also offer this feature. In general, the use of these tools does not have an impact on important websites such as government websites.

Television and on-demand video services also place great strain on the network. When it comes to video, it is preferable to use TNT (terrestrial network) instead of boxes, which use the Internet. The use of VoD services should be limited, especially during the day, so as to give priority to educational and work applications. And a number of video services have limited their broadcast quality, which significantly reduces bandwidth consumption.

Cybercrime and security

The current crisis will unfortunately be used as an attack tool. Messages about coronavirus must be handled with caution. Such messages must be read carefully and care must be taken with regard to links they may contain if they do not lead to government websites. Attachments should not be opened. The Hoaxbuster website and the Décodeurs application by the Le Monde newspaper can be used to verify whether information is reliable.

At this time in which online meeting systems are extensively used, attention must be given to personal data protection.

The website of ARCEP (France’s regulator for telecom operators) provides guidelines for making the best use of the network. To best protect yourself from attacks, the rules for IT security established by the French cybersecurity agency ANSSI are more important than ever.

About The Authors:

Hervé Debar, Responsable du département Réseaux et Services de Télécommunications à Télécom SudParis, Télécom SudParis – Institut Mines-Télécom, Université Paris-Saclay; Gaël Thomas, Professeur, Télécom SudParis – Institut Mines-Télécom, Université Paris-Saclay; Gregory Blanc, Maître de conférences en cybersécurité, Télécom SudParis – Institut Mines-Télécom, Université Paris-Saclay, and Olivier Levillain, Maître de conférences, Télécom SudParis – Institut Mines-Télécom, Université Paris-Saclay

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license.

[realtalk-princeton]

What counts as abuse? I have severe panic and anxiety and end up crying. My mother tries to hit me and frequently calls me names like “fucking moron”. She also tells me that I need to be ashamed and that I shouldn’t be proud of myself. I’ve asked her to stop these behaviors when my anxiety spikes but she won’t and I don’t know what to do. I don’t have an action plan for when she gets physical because I don’t have close friends or family and I have no money. Any advice would be appreciated ❤️.

Response from Faun:

From what you have described, your mother’s behavior is abusive. Beyond the fact that she’s physically hitting you, the way that she invalidates you and verbally attacks you are indicators of emotional abuse, in which case you’re doing the right thing by working to establish boundaries against this type of behavior. However, since it seems like she won’t respect your request to stop, you’ll likely have to be more firm with her: instead of asking, tell her that her actions are not acceptable and inform her of the consequences of her continued behavior. For example, you could warn her that if she tries to hit you, call you names, put you down, etc., the conversation will be over and you will immediately leave the room. The critical element here is that you are not seeking her permission but exercising your own agency; once you clearly outline your boundaries and communicate them to your mother, it is on her to respect them and on you to enforce them.

At the same time, there are steps you can take to make sure you’re prioritizing yourself and your own needs. Recognizing what you’re going through as abuse is a crucial first step in taking care of yourself and progressing on the road to recovery, and I’m very proud of you for being able to acknowledge what you’re experiencing and reach out for help and support. Something else that is important to keep in mind is that none of this is your fault, and there is nothing inherently unlovable or flawed about you that makes you deserving of abuse. You are also not to blame for your mother’s behavior—her actions are beyond your control, and it’s not your responsibility (nor within your capacity) to “fix” her. Avoid engaging with her as much as possible, and try to build a support network, if not among friends and family members, then perhaps with a counselor, who can serve as a confidante as well as provide professional guidance. They might also be able to help you think of an action plan that would be feasible with your given circumstances.

Regardless, please know that you are not alone. Even if you don’t feel like you have anyone to turn to in your life, remember that I and the other contributors here would always be happy to talk or just listen, whatever it is that you need. And in case no one has reminded you lately: you are worthwhile and have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Feel free to reach out if there’s ever anything more on your mind. I’m wishing you all the best! Take care. ❤️

[gittetj]

Beginner’s guide to surviving Pathologic 2

Pathologic 2 was released just a few days ago and if you’ve played the original game it’s based on you probably already know your way around the Town-On-Gorkhon, but if you’re new it can be daunting to get started.

For anyone unfamiliar with it, the basic premise of the game is that you’re a doctor stuck in a small, isolated town while a plague breaks out. You have 12 days to try to keep yourself and everyone else alive and find some way to deal with the plague.

I think it’s an important aspect of Pathologic’s gameplay that you learn how the game works on your own, but I’ve already seen a bunch of people say they want to quit after day 3 or 4 or that it’s impossible to get any further. Having to start over, especially if you’re not sure how to do better, is an understandable reason to never want to look at the game again, so I wanted to gather some tips that might help you to at least not get off to a terrible start. I’ll keep this as spoiler-free as I possibly can.

First things first: Pathologic is a very difficult game. It’s designed to keep you on the brink of death most, if not all of the time, so if that happens to you it doesn’t have to mean you’re doing a bad job. Pathologic is also designed to be frustrating and tedious, even boring and unfair - it’s all part of the game. You’re supposed to be fighting the urge to quit; that’s normal and expected. Whether that makes for an interesting and meaningful experience is up to the individual I suppose, but that’s the basic concept you’re going to be working with.

Now. The tips:

Quests and objectives

It should always be your main objective to keep yourself fed and healthy. You can’t help anyone if you’re dead. Even if you mess up everything else, staying alive for 12 days is an accomplishment in its own right.

If you manage to complete every quest on a given day then you’re having a very, very good day. Most days won’t be that good and you’ll have to prioritize and drop some quests so you have time for others.

It varies how long quests stay active, but usually, you’ll have at least one main quest per day that needs to be completed before midnight. It isn’t always obvious which are the main quests, but if it’s something that drives the plot forward then that’s a good indicator. Failing to complete a main quest will have consequences.

It’ll be near impossible to keep all the major, named characters alive; sometimes you’ll have to make hard choices and pick someone to give up on. Early in the game, you’ll get a list of people who are especially important to you - always put their wellbeing first, they’re the ones who will help you later on.

Not all quests are worth doing, but it can be hard to predict which are. If you feel like a quest is going nowhere or costs you more resources than it’s worth then it’s fine to drop it halfway through.

Time management

Time is a very limited resource! Save time however you can - Run as much as possible, use the ferry to get around, plan your routes so you don’t have to take too many detours or double back all the time.

The map is your friend, trust the map. It shows every shortcut you can take and if the map says there’s a wall or a pile of rocks or whatever you can’t pass through, then you really can’t.

It’s unlikely you’ll ever have time to freely wander around, you should always be on your way somewhere.

Bartering

You should focus more on bartering with people on the street than buying supplies from stores. Store wares are very expensive, so try to save your money.

Loot constantly! Scavenging through trash cans and dumpsters is crucial. There are no items that can’t be used for something, so pick up everything you can cram into your inventory.

Each type of NPC you can barter with have their own set of items to offer and will also accept different things as payment (many of which you can get by scavenging). Spend some time speaking to NPCs to check out what they have and what they want - it’s like a whole separate economy.

Some of the items you can barter for are worth a good price in stores. Find out which and stock up on them for when you have to buy stuff.

Resources and keeping yourself alive

On day 1 your first priority should be stocking up on food as much as you can. You’ll be thankful later.

Hunger will almost always be a concern since the hunger meter fills up quite fast. Buy or trade for food whenever you have the chance.

Fresh meat and milk can expire so eat that first if you have it in your inventory.

As soon as the plague sets in your next-biggest concern is immunity and keeping down infection. Buy or trade for medicine as much as you can, too.

Stay hydrated! Thirst will lower your stamina, meaning you can’t run or fight as long. You never know when you’ll need to run away. It’s best to drink from water barrels and pumps when you pass by them - don’t drink your bottled water unless you don’t have another choice, you have more important things to use that for.

The meters for hunger, exhaustion, etc. only have repercussions when they’re maxed out (or depleted in immunity’s case). Don’t let it stress you out too much when you have a red meter on your screen, just prioritize doing something about it soon.

It’ll start draining your health if hunger is maxed out or you get really sick. It’ll probably be difficult if you’re out of food or medicine, but it’s still possible to survive and turn the situation around.

If you get infected do your best to keep that meter under 50% and it won’t affect you too much.

If you die you won’t just go back to your last save, but rather be revived and given a punishment for dying that’ll make the game even harder. So, obviously, avoid putting yourself in situations where you’re likely to die.

Interacting with people

Talk to everyone! Random NPCs often have useful information and can lead you to quests you otherwise wouldn’t have known about.

You can’t have the same conversation multiple times. When a conversation’s done it’s done and if there was a thing you didn’t get to ask then too bad.

People will sometimes say things that are misleading or downright untrue. Don’t trust everything you’re told.

Sometimes even small actions can come back to help or haunt you. If you treat people with respect, keep your promises and so on, you’ll often be rewarded for it later on.

Really consider whether it’s necessary before doing something that’ll make people dislike you - this includes fighting and killing people, performing autopsies, breaking into houses, and stealing. It’s hard to get rid of a bad reputation and if people in one of the districts don’t trust you they won’t trade with you and might even attack you on sight.

If you do end up with a bad reputation, you can redeem yourself by giving medicine to the sick and money or food to anyone begging for it.

Fights

Maybe more of a personal opinion, but unless you’re really good at fighting I’ll say fights are a bad investment and should be avoided. If you have to fight, at least come prepared.

For one, don’t get into a knife fight empty-handed. It’s probably best if you don’t get close to anyone who has a knife at all.

Worms are slow but hit very hard, so be careful with them.

You can attack and kill anyone, but only adult men will fight back.

If you attack someone who isn’t a knife-wielding bandit, any men standing nearby might come running to attack you.

If people on the street try to attack you and you want to avoid a fight, run to the nearest building where you know you can get in, such as a shop or the home of a major character. NPCs are randomized and will be reset once you go back outside, freeing you of the attacker(s).

Other tips

Don’t expect the game to do anything for you. There are no autosaves and oftentimes practical knowledge isn’t recorded anywhere. Take notes if you have to.

When looting, right-clicking an item will automatically add it to your inventory. Saves you some time.

If you need to gather herbs it’s easiest to do at night since the plants will glow slightly so you can see them from a distance.

Finally, some moral support

Don’t give up! Even when things are at their very bleakest, unexpected help might be right around the corner. Until you’re irreversibly stuck in a loop where you keep dying, you haven’t lost yet! Remember, surviving each day is a victory even if you’ve failed your other objectives.

That said, it’s okay if you have to start over. If by the end of day 1 you’re already wondering how you’re supposed to survive another day then I’d even encourage it. It’s tedious to have to play through everything again, but take some satisfaction in the fact that you’ll be wiser than in your last run and will probably do much better.

As the developers usually say: Have fun suffering!

[thecoroutfitters]

Who knew essay writing may be so tough. Obviously, the more quickly you want an essay, the more you’ll need to pay per page. If you aren’t delighted with your essay, you’re certain to have a comprehensive https://essay-guru.net/termpaperwriter-org-review-2019 refund!

Some may be able to locate approaches to get and own totally free essays. When you compose the essay by yourself, you still have to visit the library to research on your favorite topic to discuss, etc.. Your essay writing service is actually helpful.

The type of essay you’re looking for will be provided to you within the deadline offered to you. https://essay-guru.net/samedayessay-review-2019 There are hours in the procedure, you’ll locate the precise words from the subject is really in the. There’s no limit of checking each bit of writing once.

The Argument About Best Essay Writer Site

Students from all over the world are looking for the best custom writing. Consequently, the quantity of work increases significantly and the time spent referencing seems endless. Every term you’ve got to take care of a lot of writing assignments in lots of subjects.

It is normal for a site offering free term papers to make available a database of dozens of distinct reports in a selection of subjects. To have a well-crafted and plagiarism free essay, all you’ve got to do is to set your purchase online. What’s more, you should back everything with credible information if it’s a research essay.

You could also get in touch with your writer to supply some added recommendations or request information regarding the order’s progress. If you want us to compose my essay then the purchase implementation here will be as simple as pie. So, all of the support it’s possible to address and obtain comes in the shape of tweets, which, as you probably already know, is quite limited in volume.

The Upside to Best Essay Writer Site

If you’re displeased with the standard of the essay, you’ll receive your money back. There are plenty of personalized essay writing providers that are commonplace on the web, and thus it requires some quantity of online research to learn that essay enterprise. Tell our experts what sort of homework help on the internet you want to get.

For this reason, you shouldn’t wait until customer support will get in touch with your writer and you’ll get a response. It can readily be located on the internet. It can readily be found on the internet.

The Argument About Best Essay Writer Site

You’ll discover our payout procedure to be fast, friendly and secure, and our staff always eager to go the additional mile to satisfy your requirements. Board members are going to have place to create announcements and bring up community difficulties. Students shouldn’t need to resort to purchasing cheap essays from a few different businesses which are poorly composed only since they can’t afford a quality writing support.

Our customer support will gladly tell you whether there are any special offers at the present time, along with make sure you are getting the very best service our business can deliver. You won’t ever fail by choosing us if you don’t want anybody to know you used our expert services. There you have the best services you may choose for aid.

Things You Should Know About Best Essay Writer Site

Then you only need to click our site, make an order by means of your topic on a superiorpaper to your private writer and he’ll try his finest. You may easily buy unique college essays and don’t neglect to tell friends and family about it. Being an on-line essay writer is by no means a simple job.

You probably want an immediate chat with your writer. When you employ a seasoned writer, they will prioritize your wants. It’s only normal to be anxious about hiring an on-line essay writer as you can’t ever be sure whether you are employing the correct service or not.

Argumentative essay is 1 hell of a writing for a student with a little experience, together with a persuasive essay. Additional essay writers are in a position to manage assignments of the maximum level of difficulty. You have all of the reasons to employ an expert college essay writer.

Things You Should Know About Best Essay Writer Site

As soon as it’s extremely valuable to read professional-level writing, it may also lead students to mistakenly think their writing won’t ever be good enough for a thriving project. It is a model document composed by a student and distributed so that other students can become familiar with what a good essay looks like and does. If, on the flip side, a graduate student requires a research paper in the area of genetics, the author is going to have Ph.D. in genetics and will utilize primary resources that are ideal for that level.

As you start taking more upper-level courses, you might be distressed to discover your grades. Theses from some other universities Theses from different universities You can try out the outsiders persuasive essay of these services to get theses by students from some other institutions. Therefore, learners ought to be sure they begin their free essays” writing assignment with an accurate grasp of the requirements.

Your custom written paper won’t ever be employed by somebody else. Risks can hamper the caliber of your paper and cut back your odds of submitting the paper fast and punctually. What’s more, writing an essay will help in making a precise and clear method of expressing yourself and demonstrating your disagreements.

If you discover that the writer did not provide precisely what you expected, request a revision, and we’ll make the corrections. You’re going to be guaranteed a paper that’s free of errors in grammar and sentence construction. An introduction paragraph generator is one particular form of help you could utilize to supply you with that opening paragraph.

from Patriot Prepper Don't forget to visit the store and pick up some gear at The COR Outfitters. Are you ready for any situation? #SurvivalFirestarter #SurvivalBugOutBackpack #PrepperSurvivalPack #SHTFGear #SHTFBag

[walksbesidecoaching]

New Post has been published on Walks Beside Coaching & Consulting

New Post has been published on https://walksbesidecoaching.com/2022/07/multi-tasking-in-the-fast-lane/

Multi-tasking in the Fast Lane!

Isn’t this decade one of the most exciting to be alive? Not only in the domestic USA, but in Germany, Italy, even South Africa, many of us have complex professional lives, bursting family schedules, cellular technologies to stay connected, even commitments with spiritual organizations. We could define ourselves as a generation really in the ‘Fast Lane’. The majority of us chain errands together and conduct our obligations at faster and faster rates, as Trekkies would say, at ‘warp speed’. In all this, have you noticed what the volume of multi-tasking and continuous cell phone use is doing to our individual levels of patience, tolerance, even our social graces?

Next time you’re in your community, try observing other people as they fulfill their tasks and errands. Do you see demonstrations of impatience over instances such as, people in cross walks not hurrying enough, people at the post office taking more time mailing overseas packages; and, folks with disabilities trying to use the payment machines in the grocery stores? You may see exhibitions of personal space crowding, verbal ticking noises; and unfortunately, actual personal confrontations. What are we, as social beings, risking or losing in our efforts to do the most in the least amount of time?

Multi-tasking is not all wrong but, let’s examine what is truly achievable and the negative consequences. Researchers at the University of Michigan have concluded that individuals that multi-task between 5 or more tasks, which most embrace as the key to success, is instead a formula for shoddy work, mismanaged time, rote solutions, stress, loss of social graces and forgetfulness. The resulting penalties can be car crashes, kitchen fires, forgotten children, near misses in the skies; and, a perceived lack of caring in personal relationships and family caring. Also, prolonged periods of extreme multi-tasking can lead to shorter attention spans, poorer judgment and impaired memory. For the elderly (50 +), these symptoms begin to create a belief that they are developing the early signs of dementia or Alzheimer’s. Or, as parents and spouses teeter on the edge of overload, they snap with impatient responses such as, “I can’t-deal-with-this-right-now!” Reactions such as these damage the foundations of trust that bond people together.

Next time you catch yourself multi-tasking between too many responsibilities, ask yourself:

What relationships are you at the risk of losing trust or a total loss because every meeting or conversation is conducted in haste? And possibly not at your best?

How can you harness impatience when all the steps are not defined from professional projects or community meetings in a matter of minutes? What actions can you take to facilitate closure instead of fuming, such as, offer to set the next meeting, ask your participants to each take a task from your efforts & complete by a specific date, etc.?

How can you practice ‘stillness’ each day to keep yourself aware of others and a part of centering for yourself? Or has ‘stillness’ given rise to the feeling of vulnerability, so you don’t visit it often?

What personal or family quality time events will you sacrifice just so that you can appear at more than one “ego” event in the same day?

Have you made a promise to yourself and broken it, such as, the allowance of time for yourself? Consequently, you feel angry and impatient with yourself. If so, can you re-negotiate that promise to yourself? Are you willing to?

How can you revise your daily calendar so that you can prioritize which tasks can fall into another day, allowing some breathing space in your daily schedule?

What obligations can you delegate to others, even to your children, so that you have relief from the sole ownership of every task in the day, in the week, in the house?

If you are experiencing bouts of forgetfulness or excess impatience, how can you pause to examine the pace of your own ‘fast-lane’ activities? Who is going to (who do you think will) take responsibility for your well-being besides you?

If you are in the Sandwich Generation with both children at home and aging parents, is it time to consider outside assistance such as, visiting physical therapists or faith (soul) based companions?

What changes can you make to your personal calendar enabling you to practice periods of silent walking or some other means of connecting with whatever you believe your source to be?